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alostlittleriverlotus · 2 years

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Random thoughts:

People who use "narcissistic abuse" always say it's to help their trauma. But all they do is try to demonize their abusers and possibly "harm narcissists." Look how much is about how to harm or hurt narcissists. Hurting someone to make up for your hurt?

I just notice a lot of people that use narcissistic abuse are looking more for revenge or to make their abusers hurt like them which just feels like the opposite of healing. I get it, I've been there, I've felt that too. It can't be helped, but you gotta realize that's not the way to go.

And this isn't whether or not their abusers have NPD, that literally doesn't matter. It feels like the people that use that tag ultimately just try to hurt their abuser or people that remind them of the abuser (which they assume is NPD and I've seen ASPD thrown under the bus as well) as some way to have control.

And I've been there my dude. I've wanted to feel control and make myself big. But the fact is that diagnosing them isn't going to make up for the abuse. Getting revenge, hurting them, doing things to purposefully upset them isn't going to make up for the abuse. Blaming strangers you see as bad cause they have the same disorder you've diagnosed your abuser with isn't going to help.

I've mentioned before, but ADHD and GAD became triggers for me after my abuse with my ex boyfriend. Because he'd use them as excuses when I called him out and lead to how he manipulated me. So much so that I would use the term ADD and hated being diagnosed with GAD a few months after leaving him. But even in my dislike, I never considered that others were bad cause of those disorders. It's like how his name became a trigger for me. I've seen people that look like him, have his name. And part of me did want to project my feelings onto them, but the reality is they're just some innocent person I see. Just because someone has a disorder, a name, or anything that reminds you of your abuser doesnt make them bad.

Hurting narcissists isn't the way to go about it either. Even if your abuser does have NPD, it doesn't mean you should use that against them. The best thing is to always try to get away. Hurting them won't make the hurt inside you less. I don't know why people who use the term "narcissistic abuse" are always so fixated on that or that people with NPD are all bad. Especially since if their abusers did have NPD, it would be somewhat probable they would get it too.

I just find that people who use "narcissistic abuse" are either the people who want to hurt their abusers to make their pain manageable or young folks/people that are just learning they were abused and fall down this toxic rabbit hole of "narcissist bad and abusive."

I'll give a chance to people willing to learn, but there are those that won't be convinced. And if you can't see the harm in using "narcissistic abuse" and how much it harms the mentally ill and those with NPD then uh, just don't bother being near me. Cause no good ever comes from demonizing a group of thousands of people because of your abuse.

Also they insanely dehumanize people with NPD. Like saying they have no soul, feel no emotions, have dead eyes, are not fully human, etc. Which I've been told too cause of my BPD. But people who use those tags are so quick to feel like everyone is their enemy or trying to deny them something. Which i think just shows more how those people need healing and actual help and not to fall further down the rabbit hole of "narcissists are abusive" because if only becomes an echo chamber of that. Even in the tag itself, it harms the victims/survivors and feels like it doesn't have their best interests at heart. So it's literally no good for anyone and harms pretty much everyone.

So there's some random thoughts and things I've noticed in people who use that term. If you believe narcissistic abuse is real or valid, just go. You can try to learn, but if you're not willing to, you can just leave. Cause this place is safe for those with NPD and ASPD and any fucking demonized disorder. And if you think all of em are bad or evil or abusive, you are not welcome here.

Love to everyone with disorders! Unknown, lesser known, lesser researched, more well-known, demonized, well researched disorders, whatever. Personality disorders, dissociative disorders, mood disorders, whatever. You're all welcome here and loved and valid.

Edit: One last thing. I also see them say that "narcissist is separate from narcissistic personality disorder" but then I also see those accounts that post about "narcissistic abuse" put narcissistic personality disorder in the tags 😐 and even if it's not in the tags, it comes up when searching for the disorder. Y'all. Come on.

#npd #narcissistic abuse #narc abuse #narc abuse isn't real #narcissistic abuse isn't real #demonization of npd #demonization of aspd #demonization of personality disorders #stigma #personality disorders #this one is specifically about npd but I see similar sentiments for aspd a lot too and some for bpd #we all fucking deserve better #narcissistic #narcissist #narcissistic personality disorder #npd positivity #no disorder in abusive #no disorder is bad

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chaos-in-one · 5 months

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Friendly (or unfriendly if you're against this) reminder that this blog is supportive of ALL disorders. This blog does not think ANY disorder inherently makes someone a bad person, and is against any disorder being demonized. This blog wholeheartedly believes that a bad person having a disorder, yes, even if things that are also symptoms of their disorder are part of what caused harm, does not make the disorder a "bad" or "evil" disorder or excuse ableism and demonization directed towards the disorder.

Yes this includes personality disorders

Including npd and aspd

Yes this includes all psychotic disorders & disorders that cause psychotic symptoms

Yes this includes paraphilic disorders. All of them.

Yes this includes disorders that cause, or are even characterized by, attention seeking

Yes this includes disorders that directly have lying as a common symptom

Yes this includes dissociative disorders

Yes this includes any disorder with "gross" symptoms

Yes this includes physical disorders too

Yes this includes disorders that can cause loss of control of any kind- control of speech, control of body movement, etc.

Yes tis includes disorders that make someone "look scary"

This goes for literally any fucking disorder. There are not exceptions.

#disability activism #ableism #demonization #disability awareness #personality disorders #npd #aspd #psychotic #psychotic disorders #paraphilic disorder #attention seeking #pathological lying #dissociative disorder #idk what other tags to put #also additional note I literally have a couple disorders on this list #and symptoms of several too #so if you're thinking of trying to argue on this post just fuck off #I guarantee you will not change my mind #and I don't want to hear it either

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abodywithnosoul · 10 months

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Why is everything so heavy? 😖

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medicalunprofessional · 3 months

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#psychonauts #gristol malik #theodore malik #<-Yeah. Hes there #psychonauts 2 spoiler #nightmaretheater #time on canvas: 8 hours #also YES this is psychonauts fanart. I prommy. Iii prommy. its gristol when he was younger #rips my hair out rips my eyes out #Hi Ugly. Points at him #travel back in time and take him away from his parents Okay #you will get my message #as much as i hate him i feel he must be understood at some level.#im not saying we should excuse or forgive him. No. We need to understand why he turned out like that #(its his parents (he only knows propaganda))#i have so much to say on the topic . i have been consumed by thoughts of him #kind of upsetting how the one guy with a cluster b personality disorder gets No Understanding in the Understanding Mentally Ill People game #<-once again. Not excusing his actions #also yeah sorry i had to unleash the rendering demons oops

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blackholemojis · 4 months

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May we request a BPD symbol emoji like the HPD one you made? Thank you should you choose to do this.

Yep! I designed this so it represented splitting as well as a spectrum of emotions, and how growth/good things are still 100% possible when someone has BPD

[ID: an emoji of a person from the hips up, holding a pot with a plant in it. On either side of them are identical clouds, one with rain and one with thunder, and a rainbow arcs over the person’s head and connects them. /End ID]

#If anyone has any changes they would suggest feel free to comment #I’m trying to make these emojis fit symbolically without being demonizing *or* ignoring struggles people often face #bpd #borderline personality disorder #body & brain emojis #mental health emojis #person emojis #neurodivergent

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chaotic-queer-disaster · 2 years

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I always see things like "neurodivergent people are so infantilized" and like. it's not technically wrong because a lot of neurodivergent people get infantilized, and I absolutely think we should talk about infantilization. But also...

"Neurodivergent" is not just a select group of autistic, adhd, and anxious people. "Neurodivergent" as a word includes literally anyone who is mentally ill, mentally/neurologically disordered, or mentally/neurologically/intellectually disabled.

Do u think people with ASPD, NPD, psychosis, DID and/or OSDD are more commonly infantilized or demonized? Or even, like,,, do u think ND POC are more commonly infantilized or demonized?

Even I, a white AFAB autistic teen, am still demonized far more than I am ever infantilized. I have low empathy, high alexithymia, difficulty with emotions, and little to no interest in making friends or socializing on most days. How I tend to be treated can be summed up by the time my mom genuinely sat me down and said "I'm so glad I saw that, I'd been worrying you were heartless" after I comforted a friend who'd been crying.

I was 12.

I'm always assumed to want to argue or be rude, I'm seen as a person who won't give a shit if you're sad, I'm painted as being contrary on purpose just to make your life worse, I've been called a future murderer/serial killer/criminal more times than I can count. For fuck's sake, none of that is true. It's just what people assume, because I am autistic, and not in a way you can infantilize. You can't easily infantilize someone you see as a heartless robot.

Infantilization is a thing faced by neurodivergent people. Of course it is. But to be honest, I'm kind of tired of people acting like demonization never happens.

#autism #actuallyautistic #neurodivergent #neurodivergence #demonization #like. i have been infantilized!! mostly when people are trying to minimize my emotions as silly or stupid #and when it comes to my identity as a transmasc person (suddenly its ''youre too young and vulnerable to know'' even if i was being called #a future serial killer like 5 seconds earlier)#but like. demonization is also a thing neurodivergent people face ESPECIALLY people with like personality disorders mood disorders #psychosis POC certain physically disabled neurodivergent people etc etc etc

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honeypleasejustkillme · 1 year

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i’m undiagnosing myself, im happy

#actually bpd #actually mentally ill #bpd fp #bpd shitposting #actually borderline #bpd favorite person #bpd mood #bpd problems #bpd #bpd vent #i wish i could do this and the symptoms just go away too #i’m tired of being demonized and ashamed of my disorder #i wish i was different..healthier.. more stable #god i wish i was completely different

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demonized-infodumps · 2 months

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Personally, as someone with NPD, I desperately want something bad to happen to me so that people will feel bad for me and stuff. I love labels too, which I feel makes people think I'm faking everything and only identify with stuff purely because like labels, but I only use labels I identify with and I love it

Idk if this makes sense

[It does make sense.]

#demonized asks #did you say npd #actually narcissistic #narcissistic personality disorder #narcissism #actually npd #labels #label #lable #lables #identity labels #identity lables #why do brits and americans have different spellings of label/lable #demonized infodumps

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narcissistic-radio-host · 29 days

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Alastor from Hazbin Hotel has NPD! No one did this with Alastor yet, so I decided to do it before anyone else does!

Alastor has narcissistic personality disorder.

1. Grandiose sense of self-importance. He literally says something along the lines of “I’ve been gone for quite some time! I’m sure you’ve all been wondering!” He views himself as VERY important. He really can't stand being ignored, or when people don't recognize him. He also projects this dislike onto others... Like how he pretends not to know Sir Pentious, or even Lucifer himself... When people act like he doesn't matter it infuriates him.

2. Preoccupation with fantasies of success, power, beauty, or perfect love. Why else would he become an overlord in the first place? The reason he does not fantasize about power is because he already has it.

3. He has a belief that he is "special" and can only be understood by other special people. He is only friends with two people, one being an overlord (Rosie). She is also a special person since she is an overlord.

4. A need for excessive admiration. Obviously. Like come on. Is wanting to be all powerful and feared by literally BROADCASTING SCREAMS not convincing enough? That is his supply. Power.

5. A sense of entitlement, which may include an unreasonable expectation to be treated favorably or for others to comply with their demands and expectations. I know this because if ANYONE disrespects him then they’re featured in the next broadcast. Plus, you know his threat to Husk when he disrespected.

6. Behavior that is exploitative and takes advantage of others to achieve their own ends. Come on. It is so fucking obvious. He is OBVIOUSLY taking advantage of Charlie and the hotel for his own personal gain. He wants to get out of his deal to gain freedom. That is self-sufficient.

7. A lack of empathy or an unwillingness to identify with the needs of others. Do I even need to explain?

8. A tendency to be envious of others or a belief that others are envious of them. I’d like to think that he’s maybe jealous of Lucifer’s status or something, but it is obvious he believes others are jealous of him *cough* he believes Vox is jealous of him *cough*

9. Arrogance, haughty behaviors, and attitudes. ANOTHER obvious one that does not need an explanation.

I also headcanon him to have ASPD, but I wanted to rant about him having NPD

#narcblr #npd #narcissistic personality disorder #narcissistic pd #npd safe #cluster b #cluster b safe #alastor #alastor hazbin hotel #the radio demon #alastor the radio demon #hazbin hotel #hazbin alastor #alastor has npd #alastor headcanons #headcanon #hazbin hotel headcanon #hazbin headcanons

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hungtengu · 4 months

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The thing about Hantengu...

He's so seemingly weak on the outside, so frail and thin and old but he's so strong. And what makes him a sick bastard is the fact that he /knows/ he is strong. This man cowers in fear even as this horrendous creature yet he went full Order 66 on his wives and kids. He stabbed a blind man to death after he confronted Hantengu about his stealing. He wants you to believe he is weak and vulnerable so he can continue to kill and not get caught. Not because he feels a deep shame for the murders but because he can't handle the consequences that come with being guilty. Could he have a personality disorder? Yes. Absolutely. And the clones are my backing. I have no idea if his malicious tendencies are because he was neglected as a boy or not, but he shivers and cries as though he genuinely doesn't remember committing such crimes. Unless of course he's a great fucking actor, but this is not likely. He may truly be delusional.

His physical manifestation as a demon has eyes sunken further into his head than when he was human, glowing red with yellow irises so small his kanji is hardly even visible. As a human his eyes were still sunken but buggy and all white. No irises to be seen until he widened his eyes in realization at the magistrate who condemned him to death. There's an aura of anxiety that surrounds him, yes, but speckled in pure evil. His appearance is so cold but inside he is burning with a fiery rage and intent to kill. He took the last breath of countless lives in his lifetime and as a demon, he devoured even more, ripping them to shreds like a rabid beast. He is creepy and calculated- his correction to Gyokko with his recollection of how many years since the last summons was quick and it shows in his time alone, he is hung up on power and battle. He WANTS to unleash his young and handsome clones. He WANTS to live vicariously through them completely unharmed. He felt as though his evil was unlimited as a demon, something a human man can not relate to.

I love him because he is complex, dark and psychological. He is a mentally sick man, but god I find him so sexy and I don't know why. It's not that I romanticize mental illness, I myself am diagnosed BPD and DID and there is nothing sexually appealing about what I go through, but Hantengu is remarkably sensual in the way that his mind won't let him survive without making sure you know you've upset him, the way his collar bones show through the V line opening in his silky kimono, his joints and masculine bones exposed through his tight and withered skin... His unruly black hair that rests upon his narrow shoulders, his rugged demonic nails and pointed chin with defined jawline and cheekbones... The way each tendon pulls with every turn... The Adams apple in his exposed neck... Never truly seeing his facial features in the light, never truly seeing all the little details in each line and protrusion... Just an expression of sheer terror. A traditional Oni.

To me he is beautiful. To me he is mine.

I love him.

#hantengu #hantengu clones #kny #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer #anime #manga #mental illness #mental health #dissociative identity disorder #borderline personality disorder #narcissistic personality disorder #sekido #aizetsu #urogi #karaku #urami #zohakuten

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alostlittleriverlotus · 2 months

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what also gets me about people being so adamant about using the word "narcissist" or some form of it to describe shitty people is...there are other words. I was just watching a drew gooden video and he said "If you knowingly take part in something that has the potential to put other people in harm's way and you still do it cause it's kind of fun for you, you are selfish and you suck." (It's the gender reveal party.)

Just seeing how many commentary YouTubers, especially more leftist ones that talk about the heavier side of things like misogynists and seeing them use the term narcissistic or delusional is just. We HAVE other words we can use! We HAVE USED other words for years before narcissistic became a big trend to say and narcissistic abuse really ramped up as a pop psychology trend.

It is literally SO easy to use other words. You can Google similar words. Selfish, self centered, self righteous, egotistical, arrogant, entitled. One of the best words I find is probably entitled. Because a lot of bigots and misogynists and shit that usually get delusional and narcissistic thrown at them are really more self centered, arrogant, and entitled. Self interested, self obsessed. Especially since for abusers, misogynists, other shitty people, the entitled comes from the fact it is NORMALIZED!!!!! It is not a bunch of narcissists harming people, it is a society, a world, that has normalized this behaviour. They are entitled, they are abusive, they are selfish, they are cruel. There are so many OTHER WORDS to describe your abuse, to describe shitty people. Just call them abusers or bigots for fucks sake. And even if some delusional people may get roped into it cause they're vulnerable, typically it is a lot of people who are INTENTIONALLY doing it. It is normalized, it is allowed!

All we narcissists ask is that you not use a word that demonizes us. "There's a difference" yet other people say there isn't, other people say NPD isn't even fucking real, other people say pwNPD ARE abusive. If we used any kind of other word for the more "talked about" disorders, there would be a problem. We ask that you change it, we ask that you use other words, we ask that you not further add to the stigma. The same stigma that BPD deals with, that autistic people deal with, that any neurodivergent person deals with. The stigma and demonization is something ALL neurodivergencies have fucking faced!!! It may have moved away from demonization for a lot of disorders, but there ARE people that DO still believe it.

We fucking ask you literally use any other word. And you refuse to. You refuse to listen to us. You refuse to believe us when we tell you the harm it has and how it actually prevents us from finding resources. You say "of course a narcissist would want that." You see it as an attack on you and your trauma. You are throwing trauma victims at risk of abuse under the bus because you want to feel vindicated in your own trauma. You completely ignore any critical thinking of what we say to turn it against us, to ignore us, to bring up your own trauma as a defense point. Yes, you were abused by someone and it is terrible that happened. So were we!!! My abusive mom probably has NPD, but it did not affect the abuse I faced, it only add strains in our relationship outside of the abuse that still affect us to this day.

It is SO easy to find another word, to literally just listen to us, to not throw us under the same fucking bus. To not group us in with abusers and rapists and child sex offenders and murderers. Would you fucking like to be compared to your abuser? Pretty sure you fucking wouldn't. So why is it okay to do to us?

Some people will never listen. No matter what I say, it does not matter. As with any kind of thinking along these lines. But for those that are still reachable, please. Listen to us. And what would you even do if you found yourself having NPD traits? Wouldn't it be terrifying to see that in yourself? Because I sure as hell thought it was. It made me hate myself and further believe that I could NEVER do any wrong because I wasn't like my narcissistic abusers and worsened my relationship difficulties. A fair bit of narcissists on here had also fallen into that same hole. It doesn't heal you. It keeps you angry, scared, upset. It makes you want to hurt them back. And that will not heal you. It'll keep you defensive. It's keeping you in a victim mentality and preventing healing.

To the ones that ARE reachable, I hope you can learn something from my posts, from posts I reblog, or from any other posts. It starts with narcissists and "psychopaths" (antisocials), but it is the same place the stigma of every neurodivergency and mental disorder stems from. It's why other disorders may still get demonization from some ableists. That a lot of autistic experiences were based around how it affected OTHER PEOPLE like "think of their mom having that autistic kid :(" it is not anything new. It is the same ableism and stigma. It is less demonized for other disorders now, focusing more on treating it as no big deal, ignoring the actual difficult symptoms of such disorders (like if you have poor hygiene, people will judge you regardless), or even infantilization. There IS still stigma, but the stigma was once the same as us, demonization. It comes from the same place. It's things said about other disorders still today even if it is rarer. It's just more well known for the "scary" personality and psychotic disorders since there is a big push to destigmatize things like depression, anxiety, OCD, autism.

Do not throw us under the bus. It will do nothing. It is the same fucking stigma, the same fucking arguments. Like gay people throwing trans people under the bus, they're called the same things even if it seems like they aren't. It comes from the same bigotry, the same place of hatred.

It is not new, it is not different, it just is more common for personality disorders, psychotic disorders, and schizospec disorders. So when we bring up these things, mention how using the term directly associated with a disorder in the DSM V and how it prevents us getting help, how using the term narcissistic DOES correlate to NPD, please fucking listen.

Cause nothing will ultimately benefit you for continuing down that rabbit hole. Narcissistic abuse believers don't help victims of abuse, those articles and questions don't help you heal. It keeps you angry how anyone could do that, it takes advantage of your vulnerability and desire to find meaning and logic out of it. The reality is, you may never know why or at least not until you are away from the abuse.

We are trauma victims as well. We are still at risk of abuse because of our disorder. I would genuinely stay with an abuser just for the sake of narc supply regardless of how they hurt me if I did not have a good support system. For our "toxic" traits, we cannot work on them without help and the idea of narcissistic abuse pushes stigma further which prevents us from even finding free online resources, let alone if we actually tried to seek any fucking help.

Narcissistic abuse is not real and it will never be. Please fucking include us in "mental health matters" and the push for destigmatizing disorders. We are fucking humans that need help. And even if we were all toxic and selfish hypothetically, removing the ability to find resources or get help is NOT the way to go.

Even when I believed in narcissistic abuse, I would search to find answers on why I aligned with NPD if I wasn't an abuser or a bad person. I was terrified to even suspect it despite how much attention and love and supply I needed and how that applied to the very essence of my being. Even when I examined my own actions, all I found was treating it as if they're the utter worst of humanity. Even with my toxic and unhealthy acts because I was a fucking traumatized teen with no experience for relationships of any kind especially not healthy ones, I could not find answers or help. And all that did was reassure me that I WAS the good person, that I was JUSTIFIED in my toxic desires because I was traumatized. It did not help me with my emotional regulation, it worsened it.

Even if narcissists WERE all abusers or toxic and bad, they deserve fucking help and a chance to be able to see their actions in a better light. Some people may never change, but plenty will if given resources and actual professional help. The idea of narcissistic abuse refuses that and just demonizes it and NOBODY wants to be demonized, NOBODY wants to believe they're a bad person. The term narcissistic abuse and the environment and community surrounding it is toxic. It always will be. That is inherently what it is about. It kept me terrified that someone might call me an abusive narcissist because of my emotional difficulties, that someone would take me out of context and turn me into a monster like my family had done my entire fucking life. It keeps you defensive, it keeps you scared, it keeps you mistrustful, it keeps you in those trauma responses. It does not fucking help victims find peace of mind or heal. It keeps you triggered.

Also NPD isn't just a single disorder on its own. It's comorbid or the person could be ND in other ways. BPD + NPD, it has some genetic factors so a narcissistic parent may increase likelihood you have it, there are DID systems with it. You are not just throwing people with purely ONLY NPD under the bus, but whoever else may have it that may also fall under many other categories. I'm autistic and have NPD, I'm a system with NPD, I'm schizospec and psychotic with NPD. I have ADHD and NPD. They may not be directly related and comorbid, but I do still fall under these other categories. So autistics throwing people with NPD under the bus does nothing for the narcissists that are also fucking autistic. So by throwing narcissists under the bus, you are throwing a LOT of people with that disorder that also have other forms of neurodivergency under the bus as well. And the stigma all comes from the same place anyway.

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