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topofmythighs · 7 months

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demon dean smut 👀👀👀

speaking in tongue

demon!dean winchester x she/her reader

rundown: it's gettin' hawt in here!!! demon!dean fucks his gf and that's basically it

word count: 3k

warnings: where do we start? corruption!kink, sub x dom themes, oral, p in v pen., master!kink, cnc???, pain!kink, breeding!kink,

navigating the depths of her relationship with dean has always been difficult; he is the definition of closed off. working through typical relationship issues is easy for the two of them, but it’s the most profound secrets that dean keeps locked away even from sam that drive them apart. still, even with the disagreements and frequent pleas for dean to let her into his mind, she stays, because she promised she would.

it’s difficult, though, to not poke and prod at the mind of her lover as he shifts from mortal to demon.

dean’s more violent — hedonistic, even — but he’s almost more open than her true lover is. as the two of them sit across from each other at the bunker’s table, drinks in hand, she can’t help but purse her lips at the thought of asking more.

“go ahead, sweetheart,” dean smirks.

she sighs as she stares into her drink, nervous to look up and see the green eyes of her lover replaced with depthless, soulless black ones. she wishes sam was here — she knows he would want to ask questions, too — but he had to flea the bunker with castiel. (he begrudgingly left her there, but with dean’s lack of plans to harm her, sam trusted that she would call him if something went wrong.)

“it’s hard to not pick your brain,” she finally says, looking up slowly at dean.

he smirks, taking a swig of his drink. “i’m an open book.”

“yeah, but, he’s not.” she sighs, also taking a drink of her whiskey. “i just - i want to know what he thinks of me. i need to know. i know he loves me — we’ve been together for what feels like forever — but he’s just so shut-out and--“

“and don’t you think it’s time you know what he thinks of you, sweetheart?” dean asks, looking at her with a quizzed look so human that she almost believes she’s talking to dean. within an instant, he’s at her side, leaning against the table. his warm, calloused hand, the same as dean's, cups her jaw, forcing her to look up at him. she swallows thickly as her blood freezes up in her body. “you know he loves you, sweetheart. i’ve always been here — watching, waiting to come out and talk to you. to tell you what he thinks of you, how he feels about you.”

“do i want to know?” she whispers, feeling the grip on her jaw tighten.

she’s scared and flustered. her mind is swirling, trying to wrap around itself that this is not dean in any other way than physically. he lets her jaw go with a quick jerk, crouching down in front of her.

“he thinks about you all the time. touching you, fucking you,” he purrs. he watches the blush rise on her face, and just to be an asshole, he tacks on, “it’s gross, to be honest.”

“keep it in your pants,” she mutters, glaring at him and drinking down her whiskey.

he spins her chair to face him. sitting down on his knees, he places his hands on hers, gripping hard.

“ow,” she winces. “please,” she says, “please take your hands off of me.”

“ah, ah, ah. what you aren’t getting, sweetheart,” he says coldly, “is that even if you hate me, you love him.” he pushes himself up off of the ground and leans in close to her. “and right now, we are one.”

she stares into his eyes and shakily puts her hands on his cheeks as his hands grip tight on the arms of the chair. “baby,” she whispers, pleading. “if you can hear me, please know i’m here.”

“he knows, sweetheart,” dean whispers. “he can hear you. we can hear you.” dean looks into her eyes, smiling pridefully at her.

she takes a deep breath in, looking one last time into his green eyes, before guiding his lips to hers. she kisses him deeply, trying to feel dean amidst the demon.

“not so fast,” dean says. his ultimate speed has their positions flipped within seconds. she sits on his lap, hands still on his cheeks. “if we’re doing this, and trust me, we want this,” he purrs, “you need to understand that you don’t control me.” she nods quickly, frightened to do anything he doesn’t want her to. “but just because i’m some cold-blooded killer that has it out for every mortal around him,” he chuckles, “doesn’t mean i’m gonna hurt you, sweetheart. i don't want no angels or hunters after me. i don’t have a death wish.”

“they couldn’t stop you anyway,” she whispers, feeling herself relax into his hands that are tight on her hips.

he smiles at her. “that’s my girl.”

his hands find her hair quickly, pulling her down into a deep kiss. her arms wrap around his neck as her body slowly sinks down onto his. she’s still unsure if her heart has stopped beating, but she feels his hand find her lower back and gently press her body down more.

“you’re okay, sweetheart,” dean murmers, and she swears that was really him. her legs finally relax and settle themselves on either side of his thigh, feeling the denim-to-denim contact. her arms tighten around him, and her lips find his neck where she places small kisses up and down it.

testing the waters, she grabs a fistful of dean’s hair at the back of his neck as she kisses it, and she feels his hips buck up to hers.

“god,” dean whispers. “don’t make me feel like some desperate teenager here, baby girl.”

she smiles as she continues to kiss. she gently grinds her hips down against his thigh, staying very close to his body and keeping her movements slow. “don’t mean to,” she whispers back. “just trying to enjoy all of you.”

"we've got time, baby," he purrs, his hands roaming her thighs. he tilts his head back, savouring the wet, open-mouthed kisses that she continues to leave all over his throat.

the grip his hands have on her thighs leaves a searing pain behind, so she pushes herself away from his delicious skin to peek and see if the denim of her jeans has been burned away. she grabs his shoulders to steady herself, wincing as he squeezes harder.

she stares at her thighs, expecting burning flesh to be escaping the denim, but there's nothing there.

"ow," she whines, eyes meeting the demon's soulless black ones.

he smirks at her, peeling his hands off her thighs. "feel that?"

"yeah, it hurts like hell," she mumbles.

her jaw is grabbed once again by the familiar calloused hand, and her mouth hangs open slightly.

"i didn't ask for the attitude, sweetheart," dean snarls. "all that pain? means your little boyfriend is here, feeling all of this and watching us like a pervert in a movie theatre."

his eyes melt green again, and the combination of a mention of a mortal dean mixed with his luscious green eyes allows her body to fall slack. she drops back down onto dean's thighs and drools, coating his hand in spit. he smiles slyly at her, pulling his hand off her face before leaving a hard, aggressive slap to her cheek. he places his thumb in her still-open mouth and forces her face back to his. her mouth instinctively closes around his thumb.

"my good girl," he says, a hand finding her waist.

she smiles around his thumb, her cheek wet from her own spit being slapped onto it. she very slowly leans forward until her head rests on dean's shoulder and gently grabs hold of dean's wrist. she rests against him for a moment, feeling the pulse of his cock against her core every time she sucks on his thumb (she swears her heartbeat matches the rhythm of his dick.). her body goes slack, recovering from the pain in her thighs and on her face.

if she was in any other state of mind, she would be the utmost apprehensive woman in the world. if dean truly is watching, she has no doubt in her mind that he will condemn her for feeling safe in the arms of a demon. but as she lays here with her head on his shoulder and his protective arm around her, she wonders if there's some form of loneliness that drives a demon's anarchy.

she sits up, tired of thinking. she gently pulls his thumb out of her mouth, then presses a kiss to his lips. her shakey fingers unbutton his red shirt, and she feels a surge of wetness overtake her when she feels how incredibly hot dean's skin is.

dean can't help but admire her. he watches her as she licks her lips, and he feels his shirt coming undone. her eyes are huge and innocent, glistening like she's experiencing this for the first time. he knows she's focusing too much on the heat of his skin, overthinking about how close dean of the subconscious is watching, so he guides her hands to the tent in his jeans.

"we want you, sweetheart," he purrs, his hand looming over hers.

"take me," she whispers, so quiet that even with exaggerated senses, dean can barely hear her.

his inhumane speed brings her up onto the table with her jeans pulled off her legs. he smirks at her soaked thong - once a baby pink turned a deep rose from the amount of wetness her body has made. he pulls her to the edge of the table, kneeling down on the floor to press kisses to her thighs.

her hands try to push his head away. "no, please! he hasn't - it's been too long! i don't want you there, i want him."

dean smiles up at her from in between her thighs. "he's always here, babygirl."

he pulls her underwear to the side, immediately licking up all of the slick that her warm pussy made. she releases a loud, pornstar moan, her hands finding dean's hair quickly. he kisses her pussy, and she swears she can hear him growling from in between her thighs. she moans louder, hoping his dick throbs harder.

it must have, because his mouth finds her clit and sucks hard, eliciting a long, loud whine from her spit-covered lips. her hands are tight in his hair, the tension in her body having nowhere to escape but her hands. dean continues to lick and suck at her clit, making her whine and moan like she's never been touched before.

"need, need you," she groans, feeling dean's fingers dig deep into her thighs.

he comes up for air, pressing kisses anywhere he can. she swears she feels her dean here with her.

"need me?" dean whispers, his eyes staring into hers. she moans at his deep voice, swearing it rumbles through her. her head tilts back, and, within mere seconds, her body bounces off of dean's soft, memory foam mattress. she hears her breath catch in her throat, to which he smirks. "too fast for you, sweetheart?"

she shakes her head quickly as her hands find his belt and button. "like it," she mutters, her thoughts flowing too quickly to focus on anything but touching dean's cock.

when it sits in the palm of her hand, hard and hot, she whines and feels a gush of wetness fall over the tops of her thighs. she immediately tries to position his cock against her entrance, but he grabs her wrist.

"one thing about us, sweetheart," dean says, "is nothing turns us on more than watching those angel eyes suck cock." he smirks at her as she nods feverishly.

he flips their positions, allowing himself to sit against the headboard while she lays in between his thighs. her ass is high in the air as she wraps her hand around his cock again, licking up his long, veiny cock. he grabs her hair immediately, allowing her brain to turn off and her mouth to be used.

"pretty girl," dean mumbles, moaning as he face fucks her. her eyes are glazed over when she looks up at him, and she moans around his cock as those beautiful, green eyes watch her suck his cock. he holds her head down, her nose just an inch away from his pelvis. she gags, and usually dean would let up, but this time, he holds her head still.

she moves her hands up his thighs, digging her nails into them, letting him know it's too much. he doesn't let up until she draws blood just one gag later.

"bitch," he mutters, as he pulls her up by her hair. he watches his doll catch her breath, a long line of spit keeping her mouth connected to his cock. her eyes are watery, and a few tears have slipped down her face. small traces of makeup are smeared over her face.

their eyes meet, and his black, soulless ones switch back to his crystal clear, serpentine green eyes. he immediately pulls her onto him, his large protective hands rubbing her back. "i'm sorry, angel," he mutters.

she pulls herself up, and her legs straddle his hips. she keeps herself close to him as he kisses her head. his kisses lead onto her face, eliciting a small, fucked-out smile from her.

"it's okay, master," she whispers, peeling his hands from her face and pressing kisses onto his wrists, desperate to feel the human in him. as she does, he rubs his cock over her wet pussy, making her whine and hide her face in his hand.

she grabs his hand and tangles their fingers together, pushing herself up onto her knees to sink down onto his cock. she watches her boyfriend's face fall into the expression it always does when she takes it all; his mouth open, eyes closed, and his chest tight with air.

"i'll always let you do whatever you want to me, sir," she says, rocking her hips back and forth on his dick.

he smacks her ass, and a deep burning sensation flows through her veins. she knows her dean is gone again, taken over by the demon yet again.

"good girl," he says, watching her intently. he watches exactly where their bodies connect.

whether it's the demon's energy coursing through her boyfriend's body or the fact that she hasn't been fucked this hard in a few months, she finds it hard to take all of dean's cock. still, she does her best, feeling electricity course through her pussy whenever she sinks down all the way. she knows from the burning that dean is there. trapped in his mind, but he's there.

knowing he's there brings her an odd source of comfort. she wants to put on a show for him, and she wants to stay on this demon's good side. she hopes that he can feel everything the way she is. she rocks her hips again, feeling dean's fat cock hit her g-spot. she lets out a very loud moan, squeezing dean's hand harder as she rides.

dean groans, too. "fuck, babygirl," he mutters. "so fucking wet."

she caresses his face with her free hand, stilling her hips. "sir?" she asks quietly.

he smirks at her shyness, bucking his hips up into her. "yes, sweetheart?"

she squeezes his hand again, and to her surprise, he squeezes back. her hands feel like she's touching a hot stove. she blushes, knowing dean's right there. "make me squirt?"

his eyes roll back as he groans, and his lightning speed flips them into doggy quickly. he places her head into the pillows and grabs her hips, fucking her soaking wet pussy hard and fast.

"sir, sir, fuck!" she screams, feeling her hips burn where his fingertips squeeze. "i need," she moans. "need your cum."

"fuck, sweetheart," dean says, slowing down his speed a bit. he chuckles. "your boyfriend in here does not want me to do that."

her laboured breathing makes her choke out, "since when did you care?"

he laughs again. "you're a dirty whore. i like it."

she smiles into the pillows and wiggles her ass, begging for him to fuck her harder. he finds his rhythm again, and within a moment, she's finding his wrist and squeezing hard as she cums around his cock.

"don't stop, sir, please, don't stop!" she can feel the tension in her tummy build up again, and she's excited to see how worked up her mortal body can make a demon.

he keeps his pace, slapping her ass and fucking her pussy deep.

"fuck, your pussy is so good, doll," he mutters. "you want a demon to cum in you?"

she nods her head yes. "want your babies," she whispers, instantly regretting her dirty words.

dean haults, flipping her onto her back. "gonna watch that pretty face."

she smiles, grabbing his face for a kiss. his hands fist the pillow around her head, and he fucks her wet, warm pussy until his cum spills into her. the feeling of his thick load inside her makes that rope in her tummy snap, and she's begging him to fuck her hard again. he does, and she squirts as he fucks his cum deeper into her.

she cries out loudly as her body winds down from its high. dean switches them so she can lay on his chest. he rubs her body all over, and if her mind wasn't gone, she would easily overthink why he's showing her any sort of care.

her leg loosely wraps around his hips, and her arms wrap around his chest. he presses kisses to her head, petting her hair.

"y'know," he starts. "takes a real strong man to fight off total possession." she nods dumbly against his chest, just happy to feel the vibrations of his voice from his chest in her ear. "your man's got a lot of willpower to get back to you, sweetheart."

she nods again, pulling herself onto him more. "thank you for not hurting me, dean."

he smiles at her, and his hands continue to rub all over her body. "i still don't have a death wish, babygirl."

#dean winchester #deanmon #demon dean smut #dean winchester imagine #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester smut #dean winchester x y/n #supernatural #supernatural fic #supernatural smut #kinktober 2023 #kinktober #dean winchester fanfiction

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youremyheaven · 8 months

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The 8h in Astrology💀🦇✨

(this can apply to both tropical and vedic placement of 8th house because regardless of the system employed, the energy felt and experienced is the same :-)

The 8h is perhaps the most mysterious house in astrology and is most commonly associated with sex, death and unexpected events. Its also related to one's longevity, wealth, debts, transformation etc

It is a very misunderstood house, so I thought I'd make a post analysing it and shedding light on its nature<3

8h is connected to finances, occult, revenge, taboos and fears.

Sex, death and transformation form the core of 8h (scorpio). These are very Scorpionic themes and we must understand why. I had already explained how sex and death are interrelated and kind of go hand in hand. Sex and death are similar in the sense that they both offer release from life; the former temporarily and the latter permanently 💀 and when there's talk of sex and death, there is bound to be talk of transformation because both of these are deeply transformative activities.

It is interesting that a water house, like the 8h rules over sex because water is an element that absorbs things quickly. Sex can be best understood as a transfer of energy between two people; this is why sometimes with certain people, sex can feel very draining and post-coitus, many people describe feeling melancholic. Water is the most emotional element because, unlike other elements, it's in the nature of water to merge itself, like rivers merging with the sea; union is essential because water by design flows from itself to eventually reach the ocean.

Each water sign expresses this emotional depth differently but it is at its height in Scorpio which is generally understood as a very "intense sign".

Scorpio is known for its highly sexual nature but it's very rare to see a Scorpio enjoy casual sex (unless they have other placements that encourage it). This is because they deeply crave emotional connection and emotional intimacy.

It is why it's advised to be selective about one's sexual partners; because sex can have a profound impact on one's spiritual energy and cannot be considered a purely physical activity. it's possible for one to be disconnected from their emotions but being intimate with someone is not an un-emotional act by nature since sex is ruled by the water sign of Scorpio/8h.

In French, an orgasm is called "le petit mort" or "little death" and its safe to say that sex & death are closely associated in many cultures.

there is a reason why sex, fears, trauma, taboos are all 8h topics. if you've ever come across someone who naturally exhibits a very potent, magnetic sexual energy and aura, 8/10 times they've lived very messed up lives or come from a home that was less than ideal. this is because sexuality is inherently dark and shadow-y; someone who has a very potent sexual aura can easily intimidate others; they're bound to have a very unsettling effect on others; this is because we unconsciously pick up on the fact that they've been through things we can't imagine. they project things we fear. historically sex symbols have always come from really abusive families, have terrible relationships with their father, usually had to bear their mother's emotional burdens, they've most likely had a string of bad relationships and likely suffered abuse. why is this? whatever we project on the outside is a reflection of what goes on within us.

There is a reason why most people say Old Hollywood actresses were so much more unique and better than the current lot. Not only did they have a distinct persona but they each reflected it energetically. True raw sexuality always points to darkness lurking underneath; this is what makes us curious about them, what draws us in and what makes their presence so intense; like they suck up the air around them.

Most celebs today are beautiful on the outside and possess every feature it takes to be "sexy" but they do not have sex appeal. They lack presence.

(I went off on a tangent lmao, anywayyyyys)

8h is connected to transformation. Birth and death are two of the most fundamentally transformative experiences, not just for the people undergoing it but also for everyone in their lives. In our lives, we also experience ego deaths and spiritual re-births, so we live and die many times before we actually die. Sex too is an activity that is supercharged with transformative potential. There is a reason why sex is performed ritualistically in many occult initiation ceremonies and why Tantra is so heavily associated with sex that it is practically only known as some kind of crazy yogic sex thing. Sex opens up an energetic channel, a doorway so to speak, that allows for new energy to be invited in. There is a reason why many creatives consider their partners to be their muses (although its not necessary for a muse to be their sexual partner; i will get into this in more depth in a future post).

the 8h is connected to unexpected events because by nature we cannot predict either birth or death. we can come up with a tentative time frame but it's not possible to conclusively say someone will die/be born at this specific time. 8h governs all matters that are unexpected; positive and negative. life can turn on a dime. you can go from rags to riches over night but you can also lose your empire in minutes. 8h transits bring about crazy transformative experiences and depending on your placements and aspects, create a lot of emotional turbulence as well.

I have noticed that many 8h natives tend to be heavy sleepers whereas 12h natives often struggle with insomnia.

8h is connected to both wealth/finances as well as debts. This comes down to the fact that the 8h is connected to transformation. Our resources/money is a significator of our karma (in spirituality karma means actions) and therefore they are always undergoing change. There are certain aspects of our life we cannot change (where we are born, who we are born to etc) but our finances are up to us to change and transform. Its interesting that the 8h is linked to loans, debts etc. and not just accumulating wealth. An afflicted 8h can show someone who has a lot of debts or an inability to keep hold of money.

8h is also related to what is kept hidden or secret and finances/debts are usually the things that people are extremely private about (so are other 8h activities like sex and death).

Wherever you have your 8h, you're probably better off keeping those matters very low-key and private because its easy to attract evil eye.

the reason 8h is also associated with revenge is because it represents our shadow side, its the 8th house from the 1st house of self/ego, so it represents what we keep hidden/our shadow. The reason why we feel so triggered by certain people is because they project our shadow (in the Jungian sense of the term). If we ever hate some people for no reason, there is a HIGH chance that our 8h placements are present in their chart.

8h synastry can create some of the most toxic relationships and lead to a lot of purging and projecting on to each other. This is never good for long term relationships.

This is also why 8h is connected to fears. Our fears are usually subconscious and hidden from others and even from our conscious selves. This is again why its also connected to taboos. The 8h essentially covers all that lies underneath the surface.

"A human being is a part of the whole, called by us “Universe”, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest — a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty. Nobody is able to achieve this completely, but the striving for such achievement is in itself a part of the liberation and a foundation for inner security."- Albert Einstein (Jyeshta Moon) 8h

its very common for 8h natives to feel trapped or stuck in their circumstances. being "caged in" is a very definitive 8h experience.

In Tibetan Buddhism, the concept of "Bardo" is present. It is the intermediate, transitional or liminal state between death and re-birth. This need not refer to literal death and re-birth of course.

The experience of Bardo is transcendental, allowing an individual to experience reality in the clearest way possible but it can also be terrifying. It is an opportunity for liberation but it can also prove to be dangerous as one experiences hallucinations based on their karma.

Bardo can be experienced during times when the usual way of life is interrupted, such as during the course of illness, during meditation etc. Such times can prove fruitful for spiritual progress because external constraints diminish. However, they can also present challenges because it can also make us impulsive.

8h transits can often feel this way and having 8h placements itself can feel this way; you're capable of immense spiritual depth but also of causing so much trouble and sometimes its impossible to separate the two.

8h natives could be heavy sleepers or struggle with insomnia (this is more 12h imo)

8h transits are often connected to death 💀 and the 8h placement can provide significant clues about one's lifespan, nature of death etc

“Whoever loves becomes humble. Those who love have , so to speak pawned a part of their narcissism.”― Sigmund Freud (Moon in 8h)

8h natives experience a riptide of emotions but are unable to channel it effectively. They are not the best at expressing how they feel verbally. The reason why Moon is debilitated in Scorpio is because these natives are unable to express how they feel and unable to receive energy in the same way as Cancerian natives (Moon rules Cancer) this is not due to any other reason but that these natives have such a vast reservoir of emotions and such depth that it's almost too much for them to process and grasp emotions in a nonchalant way.

“The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them -- words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they're brought out. But it's more than that, isn't it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That's the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a teller but for want of an understanding ear.”― Stephen King (Jyeshta Moon/Moon in Scorpio)

8h in an earth sign could signify dying of old age, 8h aspecting neptune/uranus/pluto could signify unnatural death, 8h in fire signs could point to violence/accidents.

since the 8h is connected to the subconscious realm, its also linked to psychology, magic and secrets. magic involves tricking the mind into believing something is real when it's not, it's a very 8h activity.

the subconscious also stores our secrets which is why its connected to hate and revenge.

the natural ruling planet of 8h is Saturn and Saturn stands for discipline, justice, karma and time. in life we get what we give (this is also a sexual principle) and this explains the connection between 8h and sex, as well as 8h and saturn.

ultimately scorpio's waters represent that which we hide, be it desire, fear, traumas or taboos.

in vedic astrology, scorpio is exalted in ketu whereas rahu is exalted in taurus (the opposite sign of scorpio is taurus). the fact that ketu is the tail of the dragon with no physical form of its own and that its exalted in a water sign is very telling.

"Ketu signifies the spiritual process of the refinement of materialisation to the spirit and is considered both malefic and benefic, as it causes sorrow and loss, and yet simultaneously turns the individual to God. In other words, it causes material loss to force a more spiritual outlook in the person." (this is from wiki)

I would say Scorpio/8h can be described very similarly. experiencing loss is a big theme in the life of an 8h native. its very easy for 8h natives to give into drugs, other substances and live a very hardened life. its through experiencing loss and heartbreak that an 8h native can break through the cycle and seek spirituality because the 8h is innately connected to the spiritual realm.

these natives can veer between either extremes, i.e, they can be alcoholics/addicts, never experiencing true love/meaningful relationships but through pain, a divine channel opens up and many reform their ways for the better. because an evolved 8h native is capable of profoundly deep intimacy and are the most loyal and protective of companions/partners/friends.

its hard for these natives to find stability and most 8h natives are naturally guarded people, suspicious of others and their intentions which makes them true blue introverts.

🌹true romantics deep down, these natives desire love profoundly but feel unable to express it adequately. if your partner is an 8h native, they'll remember all your likes and dislikes, every little thing about you, pick up on your habits and preferences but they'll seldom verbally gas you up or be affectionate. they're more covert with their love.

being extremely mysterious, many 8h natives could have a not so good reputation. people perceive them in ways that are far removed from who they are. they could also have many secret admirers.

symbolised by the scorpion, a fiercely guarded creature that is intelligent, defensive, dangerous and ruthless to its enemies, 8h natives imbibe quite a few of these traits. they are so defensive because they feel like they have to protect themselves. being a water sign, they absorb things easily and this pollutes their energy.

they're the kindest people underneath it all<33

#sidereal astrology #astrology notes #astrology observations #vedic astrology #nakshatras #astroblr #astrology #vedic astro notes #astro notes #astro observations #8th house #scorpio #water sign

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dfortrafalgar · 1 month

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I'm Losing You

Having a family isn't always as easy as fairy tales make it seem.

Law x Fem Reader

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE read these warnings before reading this fic. Genuinely, I implore you. I started writing this fic on a whim a few weeks ago, when I was contemplating my own experiences with reproduction-related health conditions such as the one that will be addressed later on in this story (endometriosis). Reproductive education and health is something that I feel very strongly about, and I feel that topics such as pregnancy complications and loss aren't addressed enough in media for fear that they're too taboo or shocking. Which, to be fair, is true, at least for the shocking aspect. Pregnancy loss is difficult, traumatic, and life-changing, for better or for worse, truly dependent on the person and the world around them.

Now you might be wondering... why would you drag one piece into this? well, i don't know. i felt like it, perhaps. Law is a character who resonates very deeply to me, his character is emotionally complex and layered, and imagining him in a scenario like this one became very interesting to me. Combine that with everything i stated above and taddaa, you get this fic.

this story does and will eventually have a happy ending (a very happy ending!) however it will take a bit to get there. this is a multi-chapter fic that i'm moving from my ao3 to my new blog, and the same warnings there apply here.

if this fic doesn't seem like your cup of tea, i encourage you to check out some of my other fics on my blog. i have a few law/readers that are tooth-rottingly fluffy and much more feel good.

with all that out of the way, thank you for reading.

Chapter 1

[Next]

The air in the room was as stifling as a sauna from the stress and anxiety filling the air. It was so silent, the tiles surrounding the small area blocking any and all noise from outside. The door was closed, caging you in.

You were sitting on the toilet lid, your hands rapidly perspiring and your whole body shivering with nerves. Across from you, your husband had his arms crossed, his head hung low, his heel bouncing off the floor. The tension was unlike anything you had ever experienced, however this had unfortunately become the norm for the past six months.

On the side of the sink sat a long white stick. Neither of you wanted to look at it.

“Do you think it’s ready now…?” you asked, inwardly cringing at how pathetic and weak your wobbly voice sounded.

Law picked his head up, his golden eyes creased in profound concern and worry. “It should be. Five minutes, right?”

“I think so,” you replied. With a trembling hand, you grabbed the stick from the counter. Law watched your every movement with a close eye. With a deep breath, you flipped over the test and gazed at the result window.

A single red line.

After the last failed attempt, you made a joke that you didn’t have any more tears left in you to cry, but clearly that wasn’t the case as fat, salty tears rapidly welled in your eyes and flowed down your cheeks. Law immediately knew what the result was the second your lips twitched downward. His heart sank into his stomach, immediately stepping toward you, grabbing the test from your hand and blindly chucking it into the small garbage can in the corner. He knelt on the floor in front of you to pull you into his chest.

“Damn it…” you whimpered. Your body forced you to take a shuddering inhale before sobbing an anguished, “FUCK!!!!”

Law’s heart broke. He didn’t even know what to say to comfort you anymore. 6 months of failed attempts at conceiving a very wanted baby had caused nothing but pain to both of you. You had both been scientific about the process. All birth control and protection was ceased, and the two of you were religiously tracking your cycle to make sure you would try during your ovulation window, but nothing but failure after failure showed up.

You thought you were broken.

Law thought he was broken.

You wept into his shoulder, your body shuddering with each pained sob that crawled from your sore throat. Law’s hands were frozen around you, firmly gripping your back. You couldn’t see the tears that were forming in the corners of his stern eyes, biting his lip and forcing every muscle in his face to prevent those tears from slipping downward. The last thing you needed was to see him cry, but he didn’t know how much longer he’d be able to hold it in.

“Law…” you whimpered into his shoulder.

Law stayed silent.

“I’m sorry–”

“Don’t you dare apologize,” he quickly retorted, cutting you off. He felt you lurch in his arms. “This isn’t your fault. It’s not anyone’s fault… it’s…”

Now you stayed silent.

Law took his own shallow inhale. “I… don’t know.”

For one of the only times in Law’s life, he was rendered completely incapable of speech. Normally calm and analytical, looking for every possible solution or reason for an issue, he was now left completely helpless to the crashing waves of sheer dejection. As your quivering body clung to him like a lifeline, his entire brain was scrambling for some sense, any logical thought, for the current predicament, but it was starting to become glaringly obvious to both of you.

It was very likely one of you was infertile.

When you finally picked your head up from his shoulder, Law’s previously broken heart fractured into even more irreparable pieces.

Your eyes were puffy, swollen and bloodshot from your tears. Your entire face looked bloated from the force of your crying, and you were clearly flushed. You looked, for lack of a better word, completely miserable. Law helped you stand from the closed toilet seat, keeping your eyes away from the trash can where the negative pregnancy test lay on top of discarded tissues and makeup wipes, to guide you to your shared bedroom. Neither of you had to say a word, you knew he was going to put you into your shared bed and let you get some much-deserved rest after the stressful eternity (10 minutes) you had just endured. It was almost 8:00PM anyway, and regrettably, both of you still had work the following day.

You didn’t fight it when Law eased you down onto the mattress by your shoulders. You kept your eyes pinned closed, not wanting to let your husband see any more of your beaten state. You rolled over onto your side and hid in your pillows. You didn’t hear Law mention that he would join you after cleaning up, and you didn’t notice the overhead light dimming. You simply begged for sleep to take you quickly and painlessly.

When Law finally returned after washing his face, he gazed dejectedly at your weary form. Finally asleep, fortunately, but your cheeks were glossy with fresh tears. The man carefully crawled into bed behind you, carefully pulling your body into his. He wished more than anything that he could make your pain go away. He ran through the many years you had been together, and struggled to find a time where your sorrow was as profound as it was this evening. His mind was constantly at war- his analytical, doctor side beginning to list specific reasons why this could be happening, and his sincere, passionate, loving husband side breaking apart reflecting over the sound of your sobs.

It could have been either of you. But it also could’ve been both of you. The thought was enough to finally force the tears in Law’s eyes to break free and travel down his cheeks. Some of them plotted into your hair.

—

You awoke to the sound of whispering in your hallway outside the bedroom. The blinds covering the window above the bed you shared with Law were pulled shut, but the sunlight still beamed through them leaving patterns on the walls and floor. The side Law slept on was empty and freshly made. No surprise, he left for work early in the morning after all. You slowly sat up in bed, your head pounding. The events of the previous evening came rushing back to you, but you felt nothing but an empty melancholy, a dark fog that hung over your brain and clouded your vision.

The door to your bedroom slowly opened. You looked up just in time to see a very large, very fluffy cloud with four legs and two beady eyes come sprinting into your room. Its feet ripped across the carpeted floor as It hopped on your bed with a loud huff, immediately snuggling on top of your duvet and leaning into your body for some much needed cuddles.

You mustered a weary laugh, your hands instinctively moving to the back of the dog’s neck to rub his fluffy cheeks from behind, eliciting happy grunts from the large animal. He had his tongue out, a tiny pink blep among the sea of rich white fur.

“Bepo,” you sighed. “You know Law doesn’t like it when you get on the bed.”

“He missed you!” called a voice from the hallway. Spiky red hair appeared in the doorway. “So did we, actually. I hope I didn’t wake you up.”

Shachi had, actually, woken you up, but you didn’t need to tell him that. “No, not at all.” You shook your head. Bepo’s tail was wagging in your face, causing you to sputter out small strands of loose fur from your mouth. The red-head entered your bedroom, leaving the door open. The smell of French toast instantly wafted into the space, making your mouth water and your eyes widen. “Is Penguin cooking?”

“Yee-up,” Shachi replied, popping his lips to enunciate the word. “Law invited us over, if you couldn’t tell.” He flashed a smirk. “You got the day off, by the way.”

Your eyebrows wrinkled in confusion. “What?”

“Law called in sick for you,” the man confirmed.

You frantically reached for the night stand and grabbed your phone, tapping the screen to illuminate it. It was almost 10:00AM, and sure enough, your alarm had been turned off. Three texts from Law sat waiting on your screen, as well as two texts from your coworkers.

Baby~~<3

Sorry, I broke into your phone to turn your alarm off. You get to sleep in today, I called you out sick. I didn’t tell them anything, just that you weren’t feeling good.

Baby~~<3

Shachi and Penguin might be there when you wake up. I did tell them a little about what happened, just so they know to give you space if you need it.

Baby~~<3

Call me if you need anything at all, I love you.

Ika-chan

I heard you called in sick today!!! I hope you’re alright, let me know if you need anything!

Nami Swan

How r u feeling? If u caut the flu u can blame Usopp :P

You smiled, your heart beating in your chest. “You guys are too much sometimes.”

Shachi proudly rested his clenched fist over his sternum as a display of pride. “Nothing is ever enough for your best friend!” The sight made you chuckle.

You were caught off guard by Penguin entering with a much larger platter of food than you ever expected. He excitedly approached your bedside with a wide grin, marveling at his own work. A bowl of mixed fruits, a plate of French toast drizzled with maple syrup and dollopped with a swirl of whipped cream, a small portion of sausage on the side, and a single unopened bottle of apple juice. You graciously accepted the spread, but you’d be lying if you said you weren’t completely befuddled.

“You guys know I’m not actually sick, right?” you asked, glancing at your husband’s best friends with concern. You shooed Bepo away from getting too close to the sausage.

“We know,” Penguin clarified. “We can treat you to a nice breakfast even when you’re not sick, though!”

You smiled, forcing down the lump that formed in your throat. “Thank you guys, I really don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“I know what you’d do,” Shachi stated. “You’d eat your breakfast and savor every bite!” He stood up from your bed and clapped his hands twice, beckoning Bepo off of the bed and over to his side. “We’ll take Bepo for a walk around the neighborhood! Take some time for yourself!” The two men left with your dog in tow, leaving you to stare in awe at the spread of food.

Your mind was reeling. Law’s text informed you that he had given his two friends a brief summary of what had happened, but you didn’t really mind. If anything, it brought you some comfort to know that you and your husband’s two closest friends understood the predicament you were currently in and were more than willing to go out of their way to support you. You also couldn’t help but smile at the thought of Law calling you out sick for the day, putting your passcode into your phone to turn off your alarm, and making sure his friends would be there for you when you woke up. You were beyond grateful for such an incredible support system, but just to be on the safe side…

You grabbed your phone once more, opening your text messages with Law.

Good morning baby, thank you for calling me out. Im feeling a bit better, Shachi and Penguin made me breakfast. I hope you didnt give them too much grief ;3; Take care of yourself today, I’ll see you when you get home. I love you!!! <333

With your breakfast completed, you slowly trudged to the bathroom to take a relaxing shower. The sight of your negative pregnancy test filled you with nausea, but you pushed past the feeling and turned on the water.

#trafalgar law x reader #trafalgar d water law x reader #fem reader #law x reader #x reader #reader insert #tw pregnancy #tw miscarriage #tw pregnancy loss #im losing you

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tightjeansjavi · 3 months

Text

chamomile

A/N: I was making myself a cup of tea earlier this evening and the idea blossomed from there 🥺

for @morallyinept Valentine’s Day masterlist 💗

~word count: 1.3k~

Summary: it’s Valentine’s Day and Dieter Bravo is alone and missing you

Pairing | Dieter Bravo x f!reader

Warnings: mature, fluff, angst, language,implicit smut, one mention of dieter giving himself a handjob, mentions of alcohol and ouid, fwb’s, pining, assumed one-sided feelings, two idiots in love without realizing it, typical dieter behavior, reader has no physical descriptions, readers nickname is petal, +18 minors dni!

On the long, lonely nights where Dieter Bravo is away from you, his solace, his person, he always finds himself struggling to sleep. An hour here, and an hour there, but it can never compare to the deep, dreamy, snooze he gets when you’re laying next to him, tangled up in his legs, under his sheets.

He knows deep down he’s got it bad for you. So bad, he can hardly think straight on most days. Dieter, you missed your cue, again.

He groans, pinching the bridge of his nose and shakes his shoulders to relieve any pent up stress he’s feeling and to get back on track.

Did you even read the fucking script, Bravo?

He scoffs, jaw ticking under the harsh studio lights that buzz in his ear like a swarm of angry bees. Course I did. He lies through his teeth.

How could he even think about reading his lines when he spent hours of his night staring down his phone as he deeply contemplated the pros and cons of calling you up.

If I tell her how I feel, it makes everything fucking weird.

Or you get to live out your very own rom-com!

Or she never wants to speak to me again

Or she also confesses her deep, profound love for you.

Or..she doesn’t feel the same way and breaks my fucking heart into a million tiny pieces!

Or your dreams come true, Dieter.

You met Dieter Bravo through a friend of a friend at one of the movie star’s infamous parties. Dieter was drunk, a bit of a stumbling mess, but when his warm, and slightly clammy palm wrapped around your own, you knew you were donefore. And how was it possible for a scruffy man such as himself to have the kindest, softest, warmest brown eyes you ever had the pleasure of gazing into?

No, you were not in love with Dieter Bravo. He was just your friend..with the occasional benefits. Nothing more, nothing less.

When Dieter finds himself alone in his too big of a house for another night, he packs a bowl, and then another, and another. He takes a relaxing bath, alone with nothing but the comfort of his own fist wrapped around his cock. His lashes flutter shut, plush lips parting as he sinks further into the chamomile scented bubbles.

You told him once that chamomile should help him sleep better. He sent his assistant out the next day to buy chamomile tea, and literally any and all the chamomile scented products that she could find.

You took a bath together once, and he vividly remembers dragging his nose across the base of your neck, inhaling the sweet aroma while you nearly dozed off in his saccharine grip. Muscles relaxed, limbs pliant under the soapy water.

But you weren’t here. You were thousands of miles away on a girls trip with some of your single friends. It was the trip that finally made it out of the group chat, and it happened to fall on the week of Valentine’s Day.

Wait, that’s today, right? Shit. How pathetic. He thinks to himself, stroking his cock faster, creating ripples in the sudsy water.

Yeah, so fucking pathetic. Alone on fucking Valentine’s Day, and higher than a goddamn kite.

He doesn’t come, and while that in itself should be frustrating, he accepts his fate of misery while the temperature of the water becomes too cold to bear and he’s forced to retreat.

He packs another bowl, yanks his leftover Taco Bell from the fridge and eats it cold, like the feeling of his heart.

His king sized bed feels even larger than usual, and he chuffs a laugh, taking another bite of his half eaten crunch wrap supreme.

That’s because I’m fucking alone on Valentine’s Day.

He knows he’s not really alone. But on a day that is all about love, he sure as hell doesn’t feel the love.

He misses the way you would roll over mid sleep and drape your arm across his bare stomach. Your fingers would play with the dark, soft hair that led down to his happy trail while you drooled into the crook of his neck, soft snores escaping past your parted lips. He found it endearing. You were like a koala, and he was the tree branch of your choosing.

He so badly wanted to be your tree branch right now.

Was that lame? Probably. But Dieter could give less of a shit about any of that. He missed you, and the feeling ate away at him, carving a hole in his chest and yanking his heart right out.

He didn’t mind that you would accidentally kick him off the side of the bed, or steal all the covers. He loved it when you would talk in your sleep, babbling about pure nonsense that somehow to his ears made perfect sense.

Okay, so he missed you…a lot. He wasn’t the only person to miss someone this much. Hell, maybe even his neighbor was going through the same feelings and emotions as he was.

Love. Yeah, that’s what he was feeling. He was in love with you, and you had no fucking idea how he truly felt.

He tossed and turned, fluffed down his pillows, scrolled on his phone, watching his favorite saved tik toks, and he even tried listening to the soothing sounds of a thunderstorm through a podcast on Spotify. None of it was working. He couldn’t sleep, and you were to blame.

That’s how Dieter Bravo found himself in his kitchen, fully exposed sans some fluffy slippers on his feet that had seen better days. He dug through his pantry till he found the familiar box of chamomile tea. He let out a sigh of relief and tore open the silver foil with his teeth.

His phone screen read 2:30a.m as the kettle on the stove whistled loudly in his eardrums.

The familiar scent of chamomile coated his senses in a warmth that could only be described as you as he let the tea bag steep in his favorite chipped mug.

His knuckles drummed along the countertop nervously as he stared down his phone once more. He let out a huff, bringing one hand to scratch at the patches in his scraggly beard.

As steam billowed from the mug next to him, he finally picked up his phone and dialed your number.

He chewed on the tip of his thumbnail, eyes dancing nervously as the dial tone rang, and rang. He was ready to hang up and toss his phone in the garbage disposal when you finally answered.

His heart skipped a beat and his weed-hazed mind couldn’t keep up with the rate that words were flowing past his lips.

“Petal? Hey, happy Valentine’s Day. Well—er, happy belated Valentine’s Day? ‘Suppose it’s already over. Uh—hope I’m not bothering you, I just couldn’t sleep, so I’m in my kitchen having a cup of chamomile tea, like you suggested. Fuck, I’m rambling, aren’t I? I smoked a few too many bowls so my brain is a bit scrambled. Anyway, I miss you, baby. I’m so lonely, and I wish you were here.”

His stoned rambling continued on as you listened silently, holding your phone close to your ear and swatting at your friend's arm when they asked who was on the phone. The club music was booming at the same rate that your heart was pounding in your chest.

“Hi, Dee. I miss you too. I've been thinking...when I get back, can we grab dinner sometime?" You warmly suggest.

His pupils are blown wide like two shiny marbles illuminated under the soft glow of the moonlight trickling in through his tall kitchen windows.

“Fuck yes. I’d fucking love to grab dinner with you sometime, Petal.” He rasps softly through the receiver.

banners made by the lovely @saradika 💗

I no longer have a taglist so please follow @tightjeansjaviupdates for fic notifications and updates!

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blackswaneuroparedux · 10 months

Text

I recognise Walt Disney’s talent but it has always seemed to me hopelessly corrupted. Though in most of the pictures proceeding from [Disney] studios there are admirable or charming passages, the effect of all of them to me is disgusting. Some have given me nausea.

J.R.R. Tolkien

If Disney turned his stomach we can assume Tolkien would be turning in his grave at what Amazon Studios have done with 'Rings of Power'.

Tolkien's main objection to Disney - and something shared with C.S. Lewis - was how childish Disney treated fairy tales. For Tolkien fairy tales were serious business.

At the crux of his argument, which explores the nature of fantasy and the cultural role of fairy tales, is the same profound conviction that there is no such thing as writing “for children.” Tolkien insists that fairy tales aren’t inherently “for” children but that we, as adults, simply decided that they were, based on a series of misconceptions about both the nature of this literature and the nature of children. Tolkien deeply believe in language, myth, and Fairy, in that he recognised, they are deeply human things. Indeed, it is a natural right of humanity to produce fantasy.

And ye fail completely when we believe that Fairy is for children, Tolkien argued, noting that traditionally Fairy deals with the most difficult human problems, and children - understood as yet-to-be-formed humans - fall into the category of human, but they have no special hold or understanding of Fairy. Tolkien argued that the path to Fairy is neither the path to heaven nor to hell. It might be somewhat purgatorial, however, and certainly otherworldly. Fairy itself, far from being supernatural, is the most natural of worlds. Indeed, it is extraordinarily natural, as natural things live only as themselves. Rather Platonically, the tree is truly the tree (Treebeard), wine is truly wine, and bread (Lembas) is truly bread in Fairy. That is, there is little if any separation of the accidents of a thing from the essence of a thing. Those in fairy, though, through pride of beauty, often present themselves in disguise and as things they are not, thus befuddling the wanderer.

Words, definitions, and analyses, Tolkien warned, can offer only so much understanding of Fairy. Instead, one must not only travel to and through Fairy, but he must also recognise that fairy - like all mythology - is an expression of our deepest longings and fears.

A genuine fantasy, according to Tolkien, creates an immersive experience for the reader. In a successful fantasy, the author is a ‘sub-creator’: as Tolkien puts it, “He makes a Secondary World which your mind can enter. Inside it, what he relates is ‘true’: it accords with the laws of that world. You therefore believe it, while you are, as it were, inside.”

He goes on to argue that this sort of fantasy has three essential functions: recovery, escape, and consolation. Using the metaphor of a dirty, smudged window - whose film of grime obscures what we see through it - he says that we need “to clean our windows; so that the things seen clearly may be freed from the drab blur of triteness or familiarity - from possessiveness.” Fantasy helps us with this recovery of clear vision. He distinguishes the literary escape offered by good fantasy from the negative quality of escapism. And he explains the idea of consolation by coining the word eucatastrophe. It is formed of ‘eu,’ meaning good, attached to ‘catastrophe, and it means “the good catastrophe”: the unexpected happy ending, which gives us a profound taste of joy. We see it in The Lord of the Rings with the rescue of Frodo and Sam, after the destruction of the Ring, when they are sure that all is lost; we see it even more fully in the final chapters and indeed the final pages of the tale.

#tolkien #jrr tolkien #quote #lord of the rings #books #disney #walt disnery #fairy tales #animation #stiry telling

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mayhem-things · 1 year

Text

Y/N starts to work for Euro in Helvete but when the heat between them grows they almost get caught by a customer

tw: slight mentioning of nsfw content

(1329 words)

thanks for 40 followers! It means a lot to me

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In the small town of Oslo, Norway, nestled amidst the cobblestone streets and historic buildings, there was a record shop called "Helvete" Owned by the enigmatic Øystein Aaserth, it was a haven for music enthusiasts seeking solace in the world of vinyl. Øystein had always been passionate about music, and his knowledge was unmatched in the region. He took great pride in his carefully curated collection and longed to share it with someone who could truly appreciate it.

One sunny morning, Y/N, a young and vibrant individual with an immense love for the depths of Norwegian black metal music, found herself wandering the streets of Oslo. Y/N had recently moved to the city, seeking new adventures and a fresh start. Upon noticing the sign which strongly reminded her of the Venom logo belonging to Helvete, she couldn't resist stepping inside. The door chimed as Y/N entered the record shop, greeted by the warm and inviting scent of aging vinyl. She marveled at the neatly arranged rows of records and couldn't help but feel an immediate connection to the place. Lost in the melodies that floated through the air, Y/N didn't notice Øystein's intense gaze as he observed her from behind the counter. He had a way of spotting genuine music lovers, and Y/N's energy resonated deeply with him, differencing her from the other posers who would step into the store from time to time. As Y/N made her way through the aisles, meticulously sorting vinyls and occasionally humming along to a tune, Euro couldn't help but be captivated by her presence. The way her eyes sparkled with excitement, the way her slim fingers danced delicately across the records, it all fascinated him. With a smile on her face she purchased multiple vinyls of Venom, Bathory and Dissection.

She left the store yet the thought of her beauty stayed. To Euro's surprise she came back, purchasing more vinyls.

Days after days she returned, and Y/N became a regular fixture at Helvete, much to Øystein's delight. They would engage in lively discussions about artists, albums, and the magic of music. Their conversations flowed effortlessly, a harmony of shared passions and budding connection.

One evening, as the sun cast a warm glow over the record shop, Euronymous couldn't contain his growing affection any longer. With a gentle smile, he approached Y/N, their eyes meeting in a moment of anticipation.

"You know,"

he began, his voice filled with vulnerability,

"I've been searching for an employee for this place. I've been searching for someone who understands the profound impact music can have on our lives. Would you like to work for me?"

Y/N's heart skipped a beat at the unexpected offer, her gaze locked with Øystein's. Unable to contain her excitement, she eagerly accepted, feeling a wave of gratitude wash over her.

As Y/N began her new role at Helvete, she found herself immersed in a world of musical enchantment. Together with Euronymous, they spent countless hours organizing the records, discussing rare finds, and delving into the depths of the underground music scene. The more they worked side by side, the more they discovered the profound connection they shared.In the quiet moments between customers and the sound of vinyl spinning, Euronymous and Y/N engaged in deep conversations about their shared love for music, their dreams, and the mysteries of life such as the depths of satanism and the true evil hungering inside them.

Their thoughts intertwined effortlessly, forming a tapestry of understanding and intimacy.

As days turned into weeks and weeks into months, their relationship deepened. They became each other's confidants, trusting one another with their secrets and vulnerabilities. In the hallowed space of Helvete, their bond evolved beyond that of colleagues; it became a friendship forged in the fire of their shared passion.Yet, amidst the rhythmic beats of their growing friendship, a subtle undercurrent of something more began to surface. A flicker of attraction danced between them, both aware of the unspoken desires that lingered in their shared glances and lingering touches.

The chemistry that had sparked from their initial encounter continued to simmer, yearning to be explored.

One evening, after the shop had closed its doors, Euronymous and Y/N found themselves alone, surrounded by the echoes of music. In the soft glow of the dim lights, Euronymous looked into Y/N's eyes, his voice barely above a whisper. "Y/N, there's something, well uhh, fuck it" He uttered as he couldnt find the right words to admit to his feelings. In the end the instinct overtook and consumed him. As a result he grabbed the back of her head , bringing her lips up to his. Y/N's heart raced, her breath catching in her throat. The kiss hung in the air, pulsating with anticipation. With a mix of vulnerability and determination, she reached out, her hand finding Euronymous's, their fingers intertwining. while giving in to his lips, leaning in to deepen the intimacy they just commited to.In that moment, the barriers between them dissolved, and they surrendered to the undeniable chemistry that had simmered beneath the surface. Their lips met in a passionate kiss once again, igniting a fire that burned brighter than any record on the shelves. The world around them faded away as they explored the depths of their desire, their souls intertwining like a harmonious melody.

In that moment, the boundaries of Helvete blurred, and the music that surrounded them served as the backdrop to their love story.

As Øystein and Y/N shared an intense and passionate kiss after another, their connection grew stronger with each passing moment. Lost in the heat of the moment, Y/N's back accidentally bumped into one of the shelves in the vinyl store. The records rattled and shifted, momentarily breaking the spell of their embrace. But the interruption did little to deter their desire. Ignoring the commotion they had caused, their lips found each other once again, fueled by an undeniable chemistry that electrified the air around them. Her arms found their way behind his neck, pulling him closer, feeling his breath against her soft skin. The world outside ceased to exist as they surrendered themselves to the intoxicating dance of their intertwined souls. Euronymous couldn't help but slide down his cold slender hand down her torso, finding it's way under her shirt. Y/N froze as she felt his hand finding place at her left breast, drawing circles around her nipple. It gave Y/N goosebumps and shivers found their way down her spine. The action caused both of them to feel more aroused and their longing just fueled with lust even more with each passing moment.

However, just as their passion reached its peak, the sound of the door chime echoed through the shop, announcing the arrival of an unsuspecting customer. Startled, Øystein and Y/N quickly broke apart, their faces flushed with a mixture of desire and embarrassment.T

he customer, a middle-aged man with a bemused expression, walked in and glanced around, oblivious to the momentary indiscretion. Øystein, the consummate professional, composed himself and greeted the customer, while Y/N attempted to regain their composure.

As the customer browsed the shelves, Øystein and Y/N exchanged nervous glances, their hearts still racing from the intensity of their kiss. They realized they needed to act quickly to avoid any suspicion. Y/N discreetly adjusted her clothing, smoothing out the creases and tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear. With a newfound resolve, she joined Euro at the counter, ensuring that their actions betrayed nothing of their intimate encounter. The customer, seemingly unaware of the charged atmosphere, made a few purchases and left the shop, leaving Øystein and Y/N alone once again.

As the door closed behind the departing customer, a shared sense of relief washed over them. They exchanged a knowing smile, a silent acknowledgement of the powerful connection they had just experienced. It was a moment they would cherish, a memory woven into the fabric of their budding romance.

With a renewed sense of anticipation, Øystein and Y/N resumed their duties in the record shop, their fingers delicately handling the vinyls with a newfound tenderness. Their gaze lingered upon each other, a silent promise of more intimate moments to come, as they continued to explore the melodies of both music and love in the enchanting space of Helvete.

#mayhem #rory culkin #black metal #lord of chaos #depressing shit #depressiv #euronymous #fan fic stuff #fan fiction #fanfic #oystein aarseth #øystein aarseth #lords of chaos #xreader #euronymous x #rory culkin x reader

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thesensteawitch · 7 months

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What Does Akashic Records Have To Say About Your Life Path? 👁️🪻

Pick A Pile Reading

Is your life path aligned with your soul's DNA?

Just grab a chocolate bar as this is going to be a slightly long reading.🪻

🥀Take a deep breath...and choose!🥀

(Left to Right---Pile1, Pile2, Pile3)

Hello, Senstea Souls! Though this is a collective reading I have tried my best to be as specific as possible. If you want a specific career/life path related reading then just slide into my DMs and ask away.

I have a separate spread with a blend of the Japanese concept of Ikigai. It will narrow down your options by clarifying your passion, profession and vocation in life.

For more information just message me!🌼

Now, feel free to begin the reading.

Pile 1

Hello, my dear pile 1. The reading is divided into three parts. If you find this helpful then do come back and drop a tip in my jar. They are always appreciated!🍁

Your life path according to your Akashic record

4 of swords, 6 of wands, 5 of wands

It seems that your Akashic record is taking me back in time. Your true life path has a strong connection to the past. I see that you fought battles. The energy is of the competition. Sudden changes, in fact, some kind of shock. There were disputes within your community, whatever you were a part of. You were the star of the group and others wanted to probably take that shine. I don't know why but I see a leg injury. Something deeply bothered you. The pain was so profound that it found its solace deep in your subconscious. Something made you fall sick or bedridden but you got back on your feet again. But the joy did not last long. You had to face more competition. You probably didn't get enough time to contemplate and understand what was really going on around you and among your people. It created a deep wound. Something that you need to deal with in this lifetime. If you ask some very important questions to yourself, especially regarding the relationships with people in your life you may find the answer to the blockage on your life path. I feel some people did not have the best interest for you they just wanted to be with you to be a part of your light. And that created a wound. You thought they truly loved you but perhaps it wasn't true. Your illusions of people had to die. Yes, exactly! What illusions are you living in? The idea of people you have is keeping you in the dark and unless you find the truth the light will not enter your life.

The path that you are currently on

Ace of wands, The Hierophant

I see that people come to you for advice. You have that spark. I have been saying spark, light and even I can see a lion. The king of the jungle. You definitely had an important position in the past and you still do. You may not believe it but your aura still carries that energy and that's why people are so attracted to you and come to you for advice. I also see that you doubt your capabilities. You doubt that you can ever guide yourself. I see two pillars, two polarities. On one side you know that you are a good listener but on the other hand, you still don't feel very convinced about your capabilities. Somewhere you are carrying the lesson of your past life, which is good, but it has broken your confidence in people and that's why it may be difficult for you to trust them. Others know that they can rely on you but you can't rely on them completely. That hurts. It also lowers your self-esteem. It may give rise to people people-pleasing attitude. Basically, no strong boundaries. I also see that great ideas come to you. You can be an advisor or a counselor. But you need to have strong boundaries and allow yourself to be somebody out of your community. You are your own person. You need to move out of your comfort zone and talk to people out of your circle too. People will let you down, expect that from them. But you also need to know that some people won't. Some may surprise you with their generosity. I also see that someone admires you. Isn't that beautiful? And you may have no idea about it. You're not wishing hard enough to finally let the physical manifestation of your dreams come to you. You have a significant purpose in this lifetime which is linked to guiding others.

How can you align your path with your soul's DNA?

5 of pentacles, 9 of wands

Trust. That's what I hear. Whatever personal matter you have dealt with in the past (in this lifetime or the other) will soon come to an end. But first, you need to let yourself truly feel and see where are they arising from. Please don't drown in your tears. But honor them. They help you release the hurt. Hope is in your cards. Don't be afraid. You're afraid of something you have no idea about. But the feeling of fear is definitely there. I do see that you have been putting in a lot of physical and mental effort but things did not turn out to be as you thought they would. You're afraid that your dreams will never come true. But the authority and love you aim for has already happened to you. So why not again? The answer is that first, you need to heal some relationship dynamics along with your own heart. Value your heart. I feel the weather in your heart has either been too cold or burning like fire. Give yourself time. Virtue lies in the middle. Find balance. Allow yourself to visualize that you can live a normal and happy life without the crazy extremes. I see that in your life it has been a matter of work, money, and words. Whenever a challenge comes to you say thank you to the divine. It helps you clear your karma so that you can live a stable and peaceful life. Everything is happening for your soul. Please take care of your health and keep moving forward. If something isn't working please release it. You do not need to cling to an idea so much. You can channel another from the divine. It's simple, just ask. Also, don't ask, “What were you made for?” Ask, “What were you made of?” I am sure the answer will come from the stars and they will tell you that you were the brightest among all. It's time that you remember who you were. It's not about what you can do, it's about who you are.

Pile 2

Hello, my dear pile 2. The reading is divided into three parts. If you find this helpful then do come back and drop a tip in my jar. They are always appreciated!🍁

Your life path according to your Akashic record

The Chariot, 6 of pentacles

Your life's purpose in the Akashic record has something to do with the yin-yang concept. I hear that this may sound absurd to some of you but what I am about to say is the truth. Your true life path is leading you to break some attachments and start this new journey of serving others with a heart full of love and generosity. I also see that the more you become self-aware the easier it will be for you to understand others and do something of value for them. It's about balancing the scales. Now if you are wondering what if you won't get successful after doing what I said then know that success is written in your stars and will chase you once you align with your life's path. You will be victorious. In life, you will be carrying the sweet and bitter moments with you. The path that you are on is all about YOU. What I mean by that is understanding your feelings. Why you do what you do and how can you change it. Face the truth of life head-on. You have to be a fair rider on your life path. The life path in your Akashic records is pretty rare. By rare I mean the portal that opens once in a while. You need to prepare yourself for that day when the veil is thinner and you can finally enter the new phase of your life.

The path that you are currently on

2 of wands, 7 of cups, 7 of swords

Okay, so what I see on the path that you have chosen or are currently on are options, instability, confusion, indecision, deceiving oneself, and trying to take the shortcut. Currently, I see that the desires and so many wishes that you have seem impossible for you to achieve. You start a plan but you aren't able to execute it and dilemma always hangs around with you. It's an everyday struggle in your life but it is impacting the bigger purpose you have for yourself in your Akashic record. You are supposed to make a choice here. Unless you choose nothing in your life will move. Life may seem stagnant. And to add some movement in your day-to-day life you may fool yourself by finding more and more interests and adding them to your list. Just so you can make another plan and then another and then another. Then one day you see the list of your desires in which some are still exciting to you and some feel like they have lost their spark. And you don't even get the time to question what is it exactly you want to do and what is stopping you from doing it. It's like you want to travel the world but you just waste all your time in adding cities to your bucket list and making the itinerary for each one of them and end up getting overwhelmed. Gosh! That's exhausting. The Universe is trying to send you signs but because of your confused mind, you are not sure of the signs. Please take this reading as a sign at least and take action. Also, before taking action you need to heal yourself. Make sure you have a PLAN for that. I see you're very good at planning. Make a task table where you can add the exercises that suit you, hobbies that relax your mind, and food that you must eat to keep your mind and body healthy. It's not that difficult. Don't try to just keep adding to the list. Start small. But do take the action in whichever area of your life it is required.

How can you align your path with your soul's DNA?

4 of cups, 10 of swords

Your advice is very clear, pile 2. The Akashic records are asking you to surrender to the divine. Which means to have faith. Please stop worrying. Stop being in your head so much. Look around, there's a once-in-blue-moon opportunity coming your way. Do not miss it. You're ignoring the signs of the divine. Some of you may or already be exhausted. You have been SO MUCH in your head. The only good thing here for you to know is that it's all in your head. I am so sorry I also feel that some of you really do feel trapped. You may have lost hope and wondering if there's even any path carved for you. Believe me, there is. I CAN SEE THAT. And it's honorable and beautiful. It's heartwarming. Whatever you have been going through may be very difficult but soon it will come to an end. All you need to do is turn one stone at a time and take it slow. You don't need to rush. You just need to move in the right direction with faith in your heart. You were not sent here only to suffer. There is purpose in pain and you are serving it. But it's still in your hands to show strength and come out of it.

Pile 3

Hello, my dear pile 3. The reading is divided into three parts. If you find this helpful then do come back and drop a tip in my jar. They are always appreciated!🍁

Your life path according to your Akashic record

8 of cups, 2 of swords

In your Akashic record, I see that there's a big hurdle on your life path. And that is related to something you do not want to see because you're so afraid of either commitment or detachment. What you need to know here is that this situation won't change until you make the move. I see that emotions are involved in certain situations. Though they break your heart you are trying to protect it by giving excuses for others. But I think these are the excuses you are giving yourself for not loving yourself enough. You have balanced things pretty well but still, something feels incomplete. I think it's about detachment. Yes, it is. You need to break a toxic cycle but unfortunately, you are not ready to accept it. Until you open your eyes to the truth you won't be able to see what's really going on in the background. You're blindly following someone or something. Blind faith is no better than having no faith. I feel that you have strong Cancer or Libra placements. God this has to do with relationships in your life. Hmm...I feel there's a pattern that you have been repeating only because you are refusing to open your eyes. You want to believe that the sun hasn't risen yet by keeping your eyes closed. But that doesn't change the fact. This repeating pattern in your life is a blockage in your life to finally widen your horizons. You need to claim your space in the society. That's your purpose. That's your life path. TAKE YOUR SPACE! AND DON'T BE SORRY ABOUT IT.

The path that you are currently on

10 of pentacles, 6 of swords

Ahhh, my dear pile 3. I feel you're not who others in your community, friend circle or family think you are. You are playing a role for them. You are just trying to fit in when you were born to stand out. You are afraid to express who you truly are. It seems that everything is balanced in your life but it isn't. The issue is not financial here. The issue has something to do with self-worth. Some of you may be asked to move out of your home or change cities. You may need to leave some loved ones behind which is breaking your heart into pieces. You can't give up on the change. I mean let it happen. You have become too dependent on your surroundings which is fading your shine. You may think that you are not dependent on them but you are because when the thought of letting go comes it breaks your heart. But here is a message for you, that your guiding angels and the people who truly love you will always be with you. Someone close to you may be moving with you too. If you suffer they suffer too. If you're happy they are happy too. When you take the leap of faith you will find yourself in a much more abundant state. It's your mind which can't foresee that you are moving towards happy days. Believe me, you're going to be so blessed if you just move out of your comfort zone and take the first step towards your success/happy days.

How can you align your path with your soul's DNA?

3 of pentacles, The Fool, 3 of wands

Okay, pile 3. I feel there is someone involved here. It may be a business partner or a life partner. I see that you two are working on something but there's some help you need to move on with your project. You can't do it alone. The good news is that you're not even alone. Someone is guiding you here. And I see travel for you guys. I would highly recommend you take the help or advice of a specialist and not a random friend or just anybody who has no idea about the subject. Because as soon as you take the guidance you will be able to move one step ahead in your planning and finally you'll be moving for work or something else with hope and a detailed plan. This will be the beginning of your life path. You are still writing your journey. Please take help from an expert and begin this journey guys. I see so much hope and optimism for you in the future. You are being guided and will be guided every step of the way. Just ask for it in your time of need. You can't look back and let yourself settle in the old environment. For you, the growth lies ahead. Your true path is just about to begin as soon as you let the change happen with the right guidance and confidence in yourself. The goal may be unconventional but it's yours. Claim it. Be in love with it.

Thank you everyone for reading this blog and also for reblogging!🥀🩷

#akashic records #life path #pac reading #pick a pile reading #pick a pile #free tarot reading #tarot reading #past life #tarotcommunity #tarot cards #tarotblr #tarot reader #your destiny #faith #divine messages #tarot guidance #collective reading #message for the collective #general reading

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loveemagicpeace · 7 months

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🍸💘Libra Season⭐️🌸

🩷Libra is all about relationships. In Libra season, we learn how to find balance within ourselves, our environment, and our relationships. This intellectual air sign helps us grasp the concept of diplomacy, teaching us how to find compromise. Throughout this Libra season, ask yourself: Am I truly listening? Can I communicate without putting the other person on the defensive? What area of my life could benefit from more balance? Libra season is an excellent time to create balance in your life or start a new partnership. Begin more moderate habits. As a Libra you are diplomatic, charming, amiable, intelligent, fair, balanced, elegant, and polite. Let the Libra season help you to expand these natural gifts.

🌙On September 29 will be a full Moon in Aries. Full Moon in Aries always proves to be an exciting one and an opportunity to feel our life’s mission and then decide how to pursue it. It has the power to teach us about our soul’s purpose and how to pursue it while living in the world with other people—each of whom has their own soul’s purpose. This Moon can help you understand your journey more deeply. The full moon in Aries marks the time when you attempt to create true balance. Aries, is all about your relationship with yourself. Aries energy can help you be very decisive and clear about what you need.

✨Sep 30 — Mercury in Virgo trine Uranus in Taurus. This aspect suggests an easy opportunity to harmonize technology or specialized information within daily life. Access to new ideas or technology should be easily grasped and immediately integrated. Sun trine Pluto- this brings intense and profound experiences. Whatever you are interested in now, you will be driven to research and investigate the inner workings to gain a complete understanding of the topic. Moon trine Venus-you will feel like you are in your element and flowing with the tides of life. Moon trine Saturn-You can rely on strong instincts and common sense to make important decisions about your home, family, and relationships.

🥂On 1 October will be Moon in Taurus Conjunct Jupiter in Taurus. Energy can be expansive, and you can focus on pursuing new opportunities and having new experiences. It is always a stable time to think about the things that mean a lot to you and what is valuable to you.

🤘🏽On 2 October- mercury opposite neptune-it can be a more confusing day, and communication can be misunderstanding. This can be great for the imagination, though you may get lost in it.

🧠On 3 October - moon will be in gemini & mercury tine pluto- more in-depth topics will come to light. This is also good for debating darker topics. Dig deeper into something you need to know more about. You will want to understand things more.

⚡️On 4 October - Mercury Enters Libra- Seeing both sides to situations, being compromising, negotiating, and mediating can be easy to do. There will be more conversations about relationships, romantic things. Maybe you will advocate more for potential partners. You may want to please people more during this time. There will be more embellished words and conversations. You will hear everything you want to hear.

⛅️On 6 October - Last Quarter Moon in Cancer. Issues that have made the foundation of something shaky can be addressed. You may need to tackle some emotional issues too. The Moon is strong in Cancer. Here we long to take care of family, keeping them safe and well.

🩵On 8 October -venus enters virgo, after a long time being in leo. Venus in Leo gave a lot of childish energy, fun, nostalgia, romance, mainly happy things. Venus in Virgo will make things more demanding or picky. Maybe during this time you will work more for yourself and your routine. Maybe you'll be more picky in love and with who u spend time with. Paying close attention to the people you care about can be something you slide into more often over the coming. You can finally start to take things a little more seriously. You will be more practical.

🌊On 10 October -Pluto will go direct in Capricorn- Pluto retrograde coming to an end means you can start to see transformations picking back up again. With Pluto nearing the end of its time in Capricorn, you may focus on finishing changes with your goals, direction, responsibilities, or structures. You will see how much you have changed during this time, how your life has changed and how deeply pluto has affected your life and what it has contributed to you. Pluto is strong in the sign of Capricorn. Which means that everything you experienced during these years is only something that made you stronger. For all Capricorn risings you will get everything you wanted - a reward. Many karmic relationships and things that started in 2012 may end. Ask yourself how you feel after everything you've been through (especially capricorn risings).

💧On 12 October mars enters scorpio-Scorpio is a passionate, intense, and deep sign, so Mars in Scorpio means your energy and drive becomes more passionate, intense, deep , the more your possessiveness will be felt, the actions will have a deeper meaning. This is a very good time to work and create things for which you feel a deep passion.

🛼On 14 October Solar Eclipse in Libra -This is the first eclipse in Libra and the Libra Solar Eclipse can be excellent for new partnerships, commitments, and compromises. You can be diplomatic and charming and strive to get everyone on the same page. It will affect the cardinal signs the most. I will talk more about this in a separate post.

🏹On 20 October- Sun in Libra Conjunct Mercury in Libra this mean that mental energy can be strong, and you can focus on new ideas and put together plans. This transit is also good for writing, talking, debating and expressing yourself in any way. Something you began 6-8 weeks ago may culminate now.

🌸On 21 October- First Quarter Moon in Capricorn There can be adjustments that need to be made over the next week with your long-term plans. Make sure you’re seeing the big picture. You may choose to get more structured. Set your goals and follow them through. It knows that true success comes from the heart. Moon trine Uranus- people are more sociable and open to interaction. This is an excellent time for dates and trying something new, such as skydiving or dancing classes.Moon conj Pluto-you may have your emotions deeply stirred by an intense encounter that brings deep rooted issues to the surface.

🍸On 22 October Mercury Enters Scorpio-Mental energy can become intense over the coming weeks, and you can throw yourself into anything that interests you. You will be more inclined to explore truth and deeper things. There will be a lot more deep conversations and stuff. The words will be sharper, truer, deeper and more painful.

Venus in Virgo Trine Jupiter in Taurus -It can be easier to get along with others, and you may benefit from someone in your life. You can enjoy time with others and may want to bring in new people. Relationships will feel more stable and beautiful.

Mercury in Scorpio Trine Saturn in Pisces -Controlling mental energy can be easier, and you can channel your mental energy into something productive. You can make great long-term plans as well.

🦂On 23 October Sun Enters Scorpio- Passion, intensity, and transformations can be elevated during Scorpio Season, and you can make beneficial transformations, share with others, and increase passion. You can also leave many things behind during this time and transform yourself through this energy. Find personal power and use this well.

💕On 25 October Moon in Pisces Conjunct Neptune in Pisces- Focusing on your goals can help you work on your long-term plans. This is also good for manifesting. You will now feel everything that is otherwise just a dream as real.

⭐️On 28 October Lunar Eclipse in Taurus⭐️

The Taurus Lunar Eclipse can bring the culmination of financial projects and changes that you began 1-2 years ago, and you can remove blocks to stability and security. Now the reward for which you have worked for so long will come. Taurus is a fixed sign, which means that values, views, money, relationships will be greatly changed and a completely new perspective will open. Something that you deeply appreciated before, now you won't anymore. Moon will enters Taurus -Ground yourself right now because the Lunar Eclipse can trigger strong emotional energy. Grounding yourself can help you control some of it. Mercury in Scorpio Opposite Jupiter in Taurus -Your outlook can be positive, and you likely only want to be optimistic but may have difficulty fully seeing the big picture. Try taking a step back.

🖤On 29 October Mercury in Scorpio Conjunct Mars in Scorpio -Ideas can come to you quickly, and you can get excited by what you come up with, what you learn, or what you hear. You may want to take action quickly with one of your ideas.

✨On 31 October Venus in Virgo Trine Uranus in Taurus/ Halloween -Making changes in your relationships or dealings with others can prove to be beneficial, and you can find new ways to connect. You can be more open to new people as well.

-Rebekah🌸🌙🩷

#astrology #energy #zodiac signs #planets #astrological houses #full moon #mars in scorpio #mercury in scorpio #libra mercury #libra season #solar eclipse #lunar eclipse

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spite-and-waffles · 2 years

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Controversial opinion #678:

The mantle of Batman should not be passed on but instead die with Bruce Wayne.

I mean, who should it go to? Nightwing is who Dick Grayson is, and a completely different brand from Batman. He has the kind of trust and respect as a leader within the superhero community that Batman just doesn't. He should lead the JLA one day as Nightwing. It's insulting to him to think that the Batman mantle is a promotion. Few other people can carry the name of Batman but no one else is worthy of Nightwing.

Jason? The day he wears the Bat's cowl is the day he loses everything that makes him Jason Todd, whether or not he gives up killing. He's supposed to be a renegade of the mission, a counterbalance in values and methods to the Bat, not become him.

Tim? It would consume him completely. Dick is at his best when he's surrounded by a diverse team of people, but Tim straight up needs it. Preferably outgoing, expressive, extroverted and sunny ones that are as unlike him as possible. Being Batman would make him lose himself inside his own head. The last thing this kid needs is more incentive to be manipulative and self-sacrificing.

Cass is honestly the best contender, not least because the cowl wouldn't weigh her down but emancipate and uplift her. The only reason I don't think she should be Batman is because I personally feel she supercedes Bruce in everything his emblem stands for. She should be The Bat - all the essence of guardianship and protection and terror of the night and none of the (let's face it - manpaining) martyrdom. As for the cerebral and leadership aspects of the Batman mantle, I think Cass would be a good leader when the situation calls for it, but I don't know whether she'd thrive in the role. She's a deeply intuitive and empathetic person; the emotional distance and hard choices for the greater good she'd have to make would eat at her more than it would the others. Doing anything "for the greater good" feels anathema to Cass's nature. Her profound and unfettered compassion is her strongest virtue.

Stephanie–what. No. Lmao. She's Hope at the bottom of Pandora's Box. Never that.

Becoming Batman would be the worst for Damian, because the true actualisation of his character is in freeing himself of his parental mold. He only wants to be Batman to prove himself good enough, to be accepted and chosen and trusted, his existence validated. But that's just chasing a mirage, because those insecurities exist chiefly within himself. If he was Batman they would just be exacerbated, condemned to operate forever in his father's shadow, always trying to live up to the legacy of his blood and a mission he never chose for himself.

I don't follow the reboot comics at all so I don't know much about Duke, but it seems the whole point of him is that he's the one who is expressly not supposed to be Batman. The only one of Gotham's heroes that lives in the light of day, never condemned to the shadows.

More than anything, though, the point of Batman's mission is for his role to become obsolete. If the world still needs a Batman by the time Bruce is forced to hang up his cape, then it means that he's failed.

#batman #batfamily #bat meta #bruce wayne #dick grayson #nightwing #jason todd #red hood #tim drake #red robin #cassandra cain #black bat #batgirl #stephanie brown #spoiler #damian wayne #robin #character study #spite waffle

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mykoreanlove · 5 months

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nightmares

“Don’t you ever come back here; you hear me? No one wants you here. Of course, you’re going to be alone forever. Get lost!”

Your eyes quickly darted upward in a state of panic. It was the middle of the night as you arose from your nightmare. Your entire body trembled, beads of sweat streaming down your temples.

You inhaled deeply, trying to control yourself but failed. Tears started flowing down your cheeks. Despite your efforts to wipe them away and sob quietly, your boyfriend would sense your discomfort even in his sleep.

“Baby?” His raspy voice sounded even deeper, tinted with sleep and concern. “Baby, are you crying?”

Jackson shot up and enveloped you in the tightest embrace known to mankind. “It’s fine. Go back to sleep, Sunni”, you sniffed heavily. “Are you kidding? It’s not fine. What’s wrong, y/n?” He hugged you even tighter and placed a safe kiss on your forehead. Being in Jackson’s embrace felt like a sweet relief, a place of salvation even. Having his strong arms around you made you feel safe; putting the horrors of your dreadful dream past you.

Jackson didn’t push – he himself knew how nerve-wracking it was to talk about your feelings. He never wanted to pressure you, but he had to make sure you knew he was there for you.

Almost inaudibly, he whispered softly: “I know talking about this is hard but bearing it all on your own is even harder. You can always lean on me, baby. I promise.”

“I had that dream again”, you mumbled against his broad chest. “The one with the bouncer?”

You smiled warmly. Even though this dream had haunted you for decades, you only talked about it once briefly – and Jackson remembered. Indeed, he was the most attentive man you had ever dated. Jackson possessed an innate ability to understand your actions, discern your emotions, and anticipate your needs. It felt as though the two of you shared a profound and intimate connection. Unbeknownst to you, he had become your steadfast support and sanctuary, your rock, and ultimately, your home.

You nodded your head.

This dream of yours wasn’t just an ordinary dream. It was a haunting memory that your brain kept replaying over the years.

“Do you want to tell me what you remember?”

By now your tears had stopped falling, but you were afraid they might come back any minute. As if he could read your mind Jackson patted your back and whispered softly: “I’ll dry your tears, baby. Don’t worry. You’re here with me, safe and sound. You can let it out. I got you, y/n.”

The situation was serious, yet you couldn’t help but chuckle. “Get out of my head, Wang”, you teased lovingly. Jackson assaulted your head with sweet, little kisses. “No way, babe. I plan on staying in there forever.”

Forever.

That word startled you, making you feel panicked again. “You’re going to be alone forever!” You took a deep breath and started to pour your heart out. “I know it’s stupid, but I can’t shake off that memory. I was out with friends, and we wanted to visit a club that we were too young for and the bouncer denied us access. We were a bit drunk, and he was a shitty dickhead or whatever but his words never left me.”

You paused.

Re-living that traumatic experience made you tear up. “What did he say exactly?” Jackson’s voice was full of compassion for you. “He said that we should get lost because no one wants us here. But then he said something to me specifically.” You felt Jackson’s thumb on your cheek, wiping away the salty tears. “He said that I’m going to be alone forever. And that hasn’t left me ever since.”

For a while you just laid there, not saying a word to each other. Jackson let go of you and turned on his side, now facing you directly. He took your fragile hand into his and drew small circles on it. “Baby, did you believe him?” You looked at him surprised. “Huh?”

“Do you think you’re having this nightmare over and over again because you believe it’s true? That he was right back then?”

You looked down, too ashamed to face him. Of course, you did. You were aware of the universe mirroring back your insecurities at you, but you weren’t ready to face them yet. Jackson’s eyes saddened even more as he realized that he had been right. His girlfriend, the love of his life, thought she was unlovable.

In the past, he might have been disheartened, internalizing a sense of failure for not making his girl feel loved. However, with time and personal growth from his own challenges, he gained wisdom. Though he loved you wholeheartedly, he now understood the importance of you recognizing your own inherent lovability.

“Baby? Can you look at me?”

You raised your head and looked at him, eyes glistening with a mixture of sadness and shame.

“Tell me, baby. What makes a person lovable?”

Caught off guard, you stumbled for words, failing to find any.

“What makes you lovable, baby? The way you look? Your body? Your pussy? Your job? Your IG followers? Tell me, baby.”

Putting it into words was hard but he was right. You always attached your worth and ability to be loved to something external. And when the external started to crumble, so did you.

“Do you think I love you for any of these things?”

You did which only made you feel worse. Jackson noticed the tears falling and put you right back into his strong embrace. “Oh baby, do you take me for the superficial kind?”

He placed another reassuring kiss on the crown of your head.

“Listen to me. You don’t have to say a single thing. Just listen. Can you do that, baby?” You nodded, gripping his shirt even harder.

“I don’t love you for any of that. Sure, it’s nice to have but that’s not what I fell in love with. I fell in love with your essence, with your whole being. I fell in love with how you care about me and the people you love. I fell in love with your positive outlook on life. I fell in love with the way you gush at dogs and run away from spiders. I love you for all that you are and all that you’re not. I’m sorry you took his words to heart back then, but he was wrong. You’re not going to be alone forever, because you got me. You are amazing, y/n. And lovable. God damn, baby, you are worthy of all the love in the world. I will love you even if your teeth fall out and your hair turns grey. I will love you even if you're broke and banned from social media. To me you’re not a body or an accomplishment – to me you are the most beautiful soul in this plane of existence. Got it?”

Tears of sadness turned into tears of joy – Jackson was saying all the things you needed to hear back then. Or needed to hear even more now. You looked up at him, eyes all puffy and red but still smiling. “I hate it when you cry but you kinda look like a cute red racoon while doing so, baby”, he laughed.

You joined in and shared this heartfelt moment with him. He pressed his forehead to yours and whispered softly: “I really mean what I said, y/n. I love you with all of my heart. So please try to do the same.”

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whinlatter · 1 year

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Harry’s thoughts of Ginny in the Forest: a meta

‘Nothing too big, because you wouldn't be able to take it with you... I wanted you to have something to remember me by.' - DH, p. 99 (UK edition)

Here I am, on a rainy Thursday, doing re-reads for some writing and thinking about the parallels between Harry and Ginny's kiss on his birthday, and Harry’s thoughts of Ginny as he goes to his death.

I’m thinking differently about Ginny’s motivations for the kiss these days. I used to think about her words to Harry that morning, and the act of kissing him, as a promise she’ll wait for when he comes back. Lately, I’m wondering if it’s not something sadder, and more profound. I think what Ginny does on Harry’s seventeenth is the act of a person who is starting to process the fact that the person she loves is likely going to his death — that he might not be coming back. It's a scene of a person bracing for grief and thinking about love after death, and it will set the stage for how Harry meets his own death in the Forest.

So here’s a much-too-long meta to help me think through these ideas - about the kiss, Ginny’s suspicions about Harry’s fate, and what it means that Harry returns to the memory of Ginny at the end of his life. (Stick the kettle on for this one and if you worked this all out long ago before me, just give me an eye roll and forgive me).

I’ve always taken Ginny's words to Harry before their kiss at face value. I thought of it not quite as a fun scene - it’s certainly sad - but sweet, a little sexy, and sort of reckless, even a bit mischievous on Ginny’s part.

It’s the birthday of the boy Ginny loves. They’re not together anymore. She knows he's going away. She wants to give him a birthday present, but she doesn't want to give him something he has to haul around or might lose. She does want to let him know that, despite their separation, her feelings are still the same. She craves a moment with him before he goes. She is still in love with him, she is deeply attracted to him, and part of her still feels a bit possessive. Although she’s not really concerned Harry’s going to crack on with some Veela, she does want him to have a memento of their time together. She wants him to have a happy memory, of physical intimacy and emotional comfort, to keep him going while he's away, to feel less alone.

Most of all, I used to think of the kiss (and whatever Ginny imagined might come after the kiss) as a promise. I still love you. Even though we’re not together and I respect why you have to go, I’m still all in on this. I’ll wait for you for when you come back. I want you to have the memory of this, as proof.

Harry’s reveal

But the more I’ve thought about it, the more I think about the context of when this kiss happens, after Harry and Ginny's last conversation before his birthday. It's the one a few days before, when Harry and Ginny are laying the table for dinner, and Harry lets slip to Ginny what he, Ron and Hermione will be doing when they leave:

'‘And then what does she think’s going to happen?’ Harry muttered. ‘Someone else might kill off Voldemort while she’s holding us here making vol-au-vents?’ He had spoken without thinking, and saw Ginny’s face whiten.‘So it’s true?’ she said. ‘That’s what you’re trying to do? ‘I - not - I was joking,’ said Harry evasively. (DH, 78-9, UK edition)

This is a desperately sad scene, but it’s also an important moment. Harry, so used to having his guard down with Ginny, realises he’s accidentally confessed something big: that he’s going on the run to try and kill Voldemort himself, with Ron and Hermione’s help.

Ginny is shaken by this. As a character, she tends to either take things in her stride, or yells first, processes later. But this catches her off guard. Her words suggest there has been speculation about what it is the three of them are going off to do (‘So it’s true?’ suggests that Ginny, and perhaps other members of her family or the Order, have been speculating about this for some time). But both she and Harry realise here that he’s flippantly confirmed something huge that Ginny did not already know for sure. He’s spoken aloud the task is that Dumbledore has left him.

It is a sign of how close Harry feels to Ginny, how safe he feels in her company, and how difficult he finds managing keeping secrets from her, that he lets this slip. He won’t come as close to telling the truth to anyone else, even people he trusts. The scene before this, in his conversation with Mrs Weasley, he didn’t let on nearly as much (though he admits that he found affirming the importance of secrecy difficult when he looked at Mrs Weasley and saw Ginny’s eyes staring back at him):

‘Well, Dumbledore left me . . . stuff to do,’ mumbled Harry. ‘Ron and Hermione know about it, and they want to come too.’ ‘What sort of ‘stuff’?’ ‘I’m sorry, I can’t—’ ‘Well, frankly I think Arthur and I have a right to know, and I’m sure Mr. and Mrs. Granger would agree!’ said Mrs. Weasley. Harry had been afraid of the “concerned parent” attack. He forced himself to look directly into her eyes, noticing as he did that they were precisely the same shade of brown as Ginny’s. This did not help… ‘Dumbledore didn’t want anyone else to know, Mrs. Weasley (…) I didn’t misunderstand,’ said Harry flatly. ‘It’s got to be me.’ (DH, 77-8)

Later, he’ll also refuse to give any information to Lupin, for the same reason.

'‘Can you confide in me what the mission is?’ Harry looked into the prematurely lined face, framed in thick but greying hair, and wished that he could return a different answer. ‘I can’t, Remus, I’m sorry. If Dumbledore didn’t tell you I don’t think I can.’ ‘I thought you’d say that,’ said Lupin, looking disappointed.’ (DH, 173-4)

But with Ginny, he’s accidentally gone much further. He hasn’t said Horcruxes, but he’s as good as. The trio are setting off to try to kill Voldemort, the most dangerous task imaginable in this war. He tries, in vain, to undo it, but the damage is already done. Ginny knows more now than she did before: that the journey he’s about to go on is one that very likely will claim his life.

What does Ginny know about Harry’s fate before this moment?

It's clear from this interaction that Harry has never discussed any of this with Ginny before. In their breakup scene, Harry repeatedly said that he was breaking up with her for her own safety. He said he did not want her to be used as bait, as she already had been previously, and as Sirius was: 'Think how much danger you'll be in if we keep this up...' (HBP, 602). The focus was entirely on the risk to Ginny's life, a risk Harry says he cannot live with.

Ginny’s remarks at Dumbledore’s funeral told us something about how she, at that point, understood the path ahead for Harry. She made her half-joke that Harry was always busy saving the Wizarding World, and says she thinks he 'would never be happy', never fulfilled or satisfied, unless he were 'hunting Voldemort' (HBP, 603). She showed she interpreted his actions as choices being made by someone brave, determined, and personally committed to bringing about the end of Voldemort, not someone destined to. Harry’s motivations and reasons are ones she respects and empathises with. She knows the path ahead is dangerous. She doesn’t yet think of it as lethal.

Harry didn’t respond to her assessments at the funeral, neither correcting nor confirming them. He didn’t let her know, at that stage, exactly what it is he is going to set off to do. The closest Harry came to revealing the road ahead for him in the break-up scene was this:

'It’s been like… like something out of someone else’s life, these last few weeks with you,' said Harry. 'But I can’t… we can’t… I’ve got things to do alone now.' She did not cry, she simply looked at him.’ (HBP, 602)

This is a pattern throughout their relationship, both as friends and later as romantic partners. Ginny knows a little, but not a lot, about Harry’s path. She thinks of it almost entirely as a decision he has made himself. Conversations about Harry’s destiny - about the Prophecy, about being the Chosen One, and, eventually, about the Horcrux hunt - happen near Ginny, but never with her. She does not seem to believe that Harry is the Chosen One or in any way bound to Voldemort's own fate. At the start of HBP, on the train in Slughorn’s carriage, Ginny states publicly her belief that any speculation about Harry being the Chosen One is nonsense:

‘We never heard a prophecy,” said Neville, turning geranium pink as he said it. ‘That’s right,’ said Ginny staunchly. ‘Neville and I were both there too, and all this ‘Chosen One’ rubbish is just the Prophet making things up as usual.’ (HBP, 140)

Ultimately, before DH, Ginny has been given very little information. We can assume that she’s decided to respect Harry’s decision to keep any information from her and not to push for it. She has reason to fear he might be in danger, but she doesn’t yet know the full extent of it.

Ginny’s response

The immediate aftermath of Harry’s confession at the Burrow is very telling.

‘They stared at each other, and there was something more than shock in Ginny’s expression. Suddenly Harry became aware that this was the first time that he had been alone with her since their stolen hours in secluded corners of the Hogwarts grounds. He was sure she was remembering them too.’ - DH (79)

It’s important that, immediately after this confession, Harry’s mind immediately takes him to private time spent alone with Ginny at the end of HBP. His certainty that Ginny, too, is reminiscing about them is typical of their wordless displays of understanding. They both reach for memories. And the memories of the last time he was alone with her, when they were still together, suddenly trigger an intense emotional and sexual tension. They are soon interrupted, and the dinner afterwards is extremely awkward. Harry wishes he were further away from Ginny, and tries, with great difficulty, to avoid touching her at the dinner table. The energy between them is intense and charged, anticipatory and frustrated. There are lots of ‘unsaid things’ that have just passed between them, and both are aware of it (DH, 79).

There are important themes being introduced here. Whenever Harry thinks about memories of his time with Ginny in DH, he does so consistently in two clear ways. To him, those times were private, intensely intimate moments which carried huge personal significance. It is strongly implied those were moments of sexual intimacy between the two of them, and where they shared an emotional closeness neither has found with any other character. But those moments with Ginny are also something Harry feels he was wrong to take. His relationship with her was something that, in retrospect, he embarked upon against his better judgement. He now feels it was something he was not entitled to, on account of his own burdens and obligations. Those were ‘stolen hours’ that were ‘something out of someone else’s life’. If we look to the wedding scene, we can see this most clearly:

‘‘Yes, my tiara sets off the whole thing nicely,’ said Auntie Muriel in a rather carrying whisper. ‘But I must say, Ginevra’s dress is far too low cut.’ Ginny glanced around, grinning, winked at Harry, then quickly faced the front again. Harry’s mind wandered a long way from the marquee, back to afternoons spent alone with Ginny in lonely parts of the school grounds. They seemed so long ago; they had always seemed too good to be true, as though he had been stealing shining hours from a normal person’s life, a person without a lightning-shaped scar on his forehead…’ (DH, 121)

There are certain tropes at play here, that will that recur again and again in Harry’s thoughts of Ginny until the point of his death: the memory of time alone, the feeling of shared emotional and physical intimacy, to an intense degree; the sense of their time together being something stolen, both in the sense of it being snatched from within darker times, but also being forbidden, given with Harry’s fate when it comes to Voldemort. That Harry recalls these moments at a moment as two other characters make lifelong vows of marriage to each other is not insignificant: all is set up to maximise the sense of tragedy.

Ginny processing Harry’s fate

Ginny is not naive. Harry’s confession seems to change something about how she thinks about what he’s about to do. She may once have dismissed the prophecy of Harry as the Chosen One as nonsense. But she now has reason to suspect that might not quite be true.

She may well re-trace what she does know. After all, she was at the Department of Mysteries two summers prior, where she learnt that Voldemort, at least, thinks there is a prophecy of significance that involves Harry directly. She knows Harry has been having one-on-one lessons with Dumbledore: she even gave him one of the invitations (HBP, 228). She also knows that Harry and Dumbledore left school for a secret mission alone on the night the Astronomy Tower was attacked and Dumbledore was killed. She observed how Harry saw Dumbledore’s death as a catalyst to prepare for a path that required him to step back from her. Above all, we also know that Ginny is a character who understands Tom Riddle intimately. She is one of the people who comes closest to understanding the stakes of your life being bound, in some way, to Voldemort.

It is also significant that Ginny is a character canonically intrigued, and touched, by death, and by powerful Dark magic. The diary, and her own near-death experience, is the most obvious example. But in the Department of Mysteries during OotP, we are told she is also one of the characters most drawn to the veil, despite having far less direct experience of loss and grief than Harry, Luna, or even Neville:

‘[Harry] took several paces back from the dais and wrenched his eyes from the veil. ‘Let’s go,’ he said. ‘That’s what I’ve been trying to — well, come on, then!’ said Hermione, and she led the way back around the dais. On the other side, Ginny and Neville were staring, apparently entranced, at the veil too. Without speaking, Hermione took hold of Ginny’s arm, Ron Neville’s, and they marched them firmly back to the lowest stone bench and clambered all the way back up to the door.’ (OotP, 775)

I don’t mean to suggest Ginny knew what was coming for Harry, that she foresaw him having to go to his death. She knows nothing of Horcruxes, she doesn’t know the contents of the Prophecy, and she certainly doesn’t know Harry himself is a Horcrux. Harry, of course, doesn’t yet know the certainty of him going to his own death, at this point in the text. But given the information she alone has been handed, inadvertently, by Harry, she has plenty of reason to begin to suspect the path Harry is on is one that might end in death, moreso for him than for an anyone else in this war.

Ginny doesn’t appear much in the following pages, other than in her role helping to prepare the house for the wedding. Over the next few days, she has lots of time to consider Harry’s words. We know she’s also sharing a bedroom with Hermione, who is actively preparing for their imminent departure, and watching the three of them try to sneak off together to make plans. This is time for Ginny to start to digest the information Harry has unwittingly divulged. She can now begin to think about how she ought to respond to the prospect of him leaving for a mission that will, likely, cost him his life.

The kiss itself

We can see Ginny has planned this interaction with Harry in her bedroom. The false casualness of how the scene opens - ‘Harry, can you come in here a moment?’ - and the actions of the bedroom’s other occupant, Hermione, suggests some level of premeditation and collaboration. For the first time, Ginny brings him into her bedroom, with the door closed. The setting is obviously intimate and suggestive.

Harry describes Ginny as seeming nervous, but purposeful, like she is readying herself for something - she ‘[takes] a deep breath’. She is looking at him ‘steadily’. Harry is nervous, too: he cannot bring himself to look at her, finding it almost painful, like ‘gazing into a brilliant light’ (DH, 98). Her trademark blazing look is in full force. She doesn’t entertain his attempts at small talk: she is serious about what she’s about to do.

‘‘I couldn’t think what to get you,’ she said. ‘You didn’t have to get me anything.’ She disregarded this too.’ (DH, 98-9)

Ginny opens by revealing how difficult it has been for her to work out what she could give him, under the circumstances. She is, in her own way, acknowledging how hard she is finding processing what it is he has to do now. She has been struggling with the prospect of Harry’s departure, and the possibility, even the likelihood, of his death. But she has decided she wants to make that path easier for him. Despite his reassurance, she insists she wanted to give him something.

‘‘I didn’t know what would be useful. Nothing too big, because you wouldn’t be able to take it with you.” He chanced a glance at her. She was not tearful...' (99)

These lines are so significant. The first two lines in particular are deeply profound. They read very differently to how I first thought of them, if seen in this light. I didn’t know what would be useful, she says, because she doesn't know what she can say that will be useful. What could possibly make this easier, to help Harry think about the enormity of his situation, or to help guide him on a path requiring him to accept his own likely death?

She doesn’t want what she gives to him now to be too heavy, too sad, or too serious, because she knows Harry will not be able to deal with it (‘nothing too big’). Anything too declaratory, too sentimental, or too enormous, would be impossible for him to leave with. In the last part of the sentence, her words are deliberately vague: because you wouldn’t be able to take it with you.

I think this is the most poignant part, and it suggests the part of Ginny's mind that believes in, and is curious about, what happens beyond, after death: the voices on the other side of the veil. I think there is some part of her that thinks Harry might be going somewhere she can’t reach him - what Dumbledore will later call going on. Ginny does not openly speculate about where Harry will be taking whatever she gives him. That it could be to his own grave, or beyond, is left unspoken. He looks at her, finally, after these words, because he seems to understand, on some level, what she is trying to say to him.

‘She took a step closer to him. ‘So then I thought, I’d like you to have something to remember me by, you know, if you meet some veela when you’re off doing whatever you’re doing.’’ (DH, 99)

Ginny has decided: the thing she will give him is a memory, one that he can take with him when they part. Something to remember me by. She wants the memory of her, of them, to be useful, to serve him in some way, and to be something that he might be able to take on with him after death. She tries to soften what she’s trying to convey, with the joke about the veela. But both seem to understand what she is really saying: that she isn’t really asking for his loyalty or fidelity. She doesn’t say she’s giving him ‘something to remember me by’ for when he comes back and they can be together again. Her words are very final. The joke is supposed to make it easier for him to hear what she is saying: she’s telling him, quietly, how to think about her when he leaves, whatever leaving might mean.

Harry, for his part, continues the joke. (‘I think dating opportunities are going to be pretty thin on the ground, to be honest.’) She plays along, sort of, in a very sad way (‘there’s the silver lining I’ve been looking for’). But both seem to know that there is no real silver lining to this.

And then there’s the kiss itself:

‘There’s the silver lining I’ve been looking for,’ she whispered, and then she was kissing him as she had never kissed him before, and Harry was kissing her back, and it was blissful oblivion, better than Firewhisky; she was the only real thing in the world, Ginny, the feel of her, one hand at her back and one in her long, sweet-smelling hair —’ (DH, 99)

It all comes to a head here. Harry recognises that this kiss feels exceptional, unlike any other they’ve ever shared - that Ginny has never put so much into a kiss before. It is ‘blissful oblivion’, this moment of extraordinary intensity, where she kisses him and allows him, for a moment, to think only about her and them together. It’s heady and sexual (‘the feel of her’). It’s a gift for Harry to be able to forget everything and let this moment be a vacuum, to focus only on her. The crescendo effect of the short causes and run-on sentences allows the moment to build and build, a crescendo effect that anticipates something to come.

Of course, their moment gets interrupted, again. Unlike when Ron interrupted her with Dean, Ginny doesn't rage at him this time: she is subdued, a response that is far more appropriate for her processing the fact that she may have just had her final kiss with the boy she loves. Harry suspects she has started to cry, something he notes is out of character. Ginny had imbued a lot of meaning into this interaction: this is a portrait of a character whose heart is breaking.

When Harry and Ron are discussing the kiss outside on the lawn, after the initial shock of being yelled at by Ron for going anywhere near Ginny, Harry has his own, shattering realisation of what all of this means for himself and Ginny:

‘Yeah, but you go snogging her now and she’s just going to get her hopes up again—’ ‘She’s not an idiot, she knows it can’t happen, she’s not expecting us to— to end up married, or—’ As he said it, a vivid picture formed in Harry’s mind of Ginny in a white dress, marrying a tall, faceless, and unpleasant stranger. In one spiralling moment it seemed to hit him: Her future was free and unencumbered, whereas his . . . he could see nothing but Voldemort ahead.’ (DH, 100)

Thinking aloud, Harry says it would be idiotic for he or Ginny to imagine they could be together, either now, or at any point in the future. He expects her to find someone else; he cannot even begin to imagine a future for himself after the task set out for him. He does not say his inevitable death - he has not yet embraced that reality - but he remains caught in the certainty of an existential battle with Voldemort that he knows he may well not survive.

Later that day, Harry will receive the snitch from Dumbledore’s will. Though he doesn’t know it yet, he now holds the resurrection stone, the item that will open at the close in the forest. It is a birthday that starts and ends with hints about what little time he has left: the stage is set for an arc that, now, has to end in his own death.

Foreshadowing Ginny and the Forest

Moments foreshadowing the significance of the forest are all over Deathly Hallows. Sometimes, they mirror the moment of his own death; often, they are related to Ginny. When they leave the Ministry, with Ron splinched, clutching the Horcrux locket, they arrive in a forest. For a moment Harry’s heart ‘leaped’ at the thought that they were back in Hogwarts’ grounds, the site of so much of his earlier happiness with Ginny (DH, 221). When the trio hear that Ginny, Neville and Luna tried to steal the sword of Gryffindor, it is the Forbidden Forest they are sent to by Snape as punishment (248-9). Harry does not fear the Forest, and is consoled by the thought of Ginny serving detention there rather than anywhere else.

In the Forest of Dean, the scene where Ron returns begins with Harry thinking of Ginny. He sits at the mouth of the tent, wanting to look for Ginny on the Marauders’ Map, until he remembers it’s Christmastime and she is at the Burrow (297). Later, in a moment that mirrors his later walk to his death, he follows his mother - Snape’s patronus, the doe - into the woods, in order to recover and destroy the Horcrux, inching Harry’s own life closer to its close:

Though the darkness had swallowed her whole, [the doe’s] burnished image was still imprinted on his retinas; it obscured his vision, brightening when he lowered his eyelids, disorienting him. Now fear came: Her presence had meant safety. “Lumos!” he whispered, and the wand-tip ignited. The imprint of the doe faded away with every blink of his eyes as he stood there, listening to the sounds of the forest, to distant crackles of twigs… He held the wand higher. Nobody ran out at him, no flash of green light burst from behind a tree. Why, then, had she led him to this spot?’ (DH, 299)

Foreshadowing Harry's end in the Forest means also foreshadowing Ginny's own appearance at the moment of his death.

Harry’s ‘death’ in the Forest

In the final battle, Ginny is the last person Harry sees before he begins his walk into the Forest. He takes the words she says to the child on the ground as her final act of comfort. Harry hears them as if they are being spoken to him:

‘He was feet away from her when he realised it was Ginny. He stopped in his tracks. She was crouching over a girl who was whispering for her mother. ‘It’s all right,’ Ginny was saying. ‘It’s okay. We’re going to get you inside.’ ‘But I want to go home,’ whispered the girl. ‘I don’t want to fight anymore!’ ‘I know,’ said Ginny, and her voice broke. ‘It’s going to be all right.’ Ripples of cold undulated over Harry’s skin. He wanted to shout out to the night, he wanted Ginny to know that he was there, he wanted her to know where he was going. He wanted to be stopped, to be dragged back, to be sent back home (...) Ginny was kneeling beside the injured girl now, holding her hand. With a huge effort Harry forced himself on. He thought he saw Ginny look around as he passed, and wondered whether she had seen someone walking nearby, but he did not speak, and he did not look back.’ (DH, 558-9)

Harry believes that this is his final moment with Ginny before he goes to die. A part of him wants her to know that it’s happening: he is leaving, at last. But he can't call to her, because he worries she will try and stop him, and he might let her. Instead, he walks on, and doesn’t look back. After watching Ginny comfort the girl crying for her mother, Harry then goes on to the Forest, and summons his own mother, his own family, to walk with him to his death.

‘His body and mind felt oddly disconnected now, his limbs working without conscious instruction, as if he were passenger, not driver, in the body he was about to leave. The dead who walked beside him through the forest were much more real to him now that the living back at the castle: Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and all the others were the ones who felt like ghosts as he stumbled and slipped toward the end of his life, toward Voldemort. . . .' (DH, 561-2)

Harry is already preparing to go on from this world: his living loved ones are the ones he now feels furthest from. He stands now with the dead he has summoned, who recognise him and seem to have memories of him. He doesn't fear the dead: he is going to join them.

It’s the death scene itself that I think has subtle, but important parallels with the kiss scene much earlier. In both imagery and in writing style, the scene recalls that earlier moment, where Harry found himself on the edge of another kind of oblivion. There is this mounting, febrile sense of anticipation. There is a tension that is almost sexual, a dynamic injected into the scene through descriptions of Bellatrix’s body language and behaviour towards Voldemort:

‘Bellatrix, who had leapt to her feet, was looking eagerly from Voldemort to Harry, her breast heaving. The only things that moved were the flames and the snake, coiling and uncoiling in the glittering cage behind Voldemort’s head.’ (DH, 564)

The ugly parallel of Bellatrix and Voldemort is not supposed to show the pair as the mirror image of Harry and Ginny. Rather, it is a theme that recurs throughout the series to demonstrate the gulf between Harry, with his immense capacity for love, and Voldemort, with none. Bellatrix and Ginny are memorably paralleled twice in the series: once, at the Department of Mysteries, where Bellatrix moves to ‘torture the little girl’, and Harry steps in to prevent her (OotP, 783), and again in the final battle:

'Bellatrix was still fighting too, fifty yards away from Voldemort, and like her master she dueled three at once: Hermione, Ginny, and Luna, all battling their hardest, but Bellatrix was equal to them, and Harry’s attention was diverted as a Killing Curse shot so close to Ginny that she missed death by an inch— He changed course, running at Bellatrix rather than Voldemort, but before he had gone a few steps he was knocked sideways…’ (DH, 589)

As Harry waits for the killing curse, we see the most direct parallel with Ginny's final kiss to him:

‘None of the Death Eaters moved. They were waiting: everything was waiting. Hagrid was struggling, and Bellatrix was panting, and Harry thought inexplicably of Ginny, and her blazing look, and the feel of her lips on his — ’ (DH, 564)

There's such an intense physicality and breathlessness to the whole scene, and an enduring pseudo-sexual tension, with Bellatrix audibly panting. Even the sentence structure even invokes the kissing scene: the run-on build up of clauses, the repetition of the present participle to actively hold the reader in one present moment, building and building and ending on a dash, the promise of something more.

At the end of his life, Harry returns to the memory Ginny gave him. She meant for it to be useful, if he was to go to his death. And at the close of his life he chooses to use it, as he prepares to leave her behind in this world and depart for the next. Just as the Resurrection Stone helped accept death, so too does the memory of Ginny. He feels the memory of her, the sensation of physical touch and of being kissed, the look she gives him that he knows as one of love and great courage. As he is killed, he remembers her last gift to him, the certainty of her love for him impressed upon him.

There's a line in OotP that I think is such an underrated line that sums up who Ginny is as a character. Harry is trying to get to Umbridge's fire to speak to Sirius when he thinks the latter is being tortured at the Ministry; Hermione suggests using Ginny and Luna as a distraction, despite Harry's objections:

'Though clearly struggling to understand what was going on, Ginny said immediately, ‘Yeah, we’ll do it,'... (OotP, 736)

This is who Ginny is. It's especially who she is to Harry, during the war. She doesn't fully know what's actually being asked of Harry (and, by extension, what is being asked of her, as the person who loves him, and who has most to lose if he is to die). But even when kept in the dark, she is enormously selfless, and her biggest act of bravery is extremely quiet. She keeps the secret Harry accidentally bestows on her, and she realises, in some sense, before he does, what it will likely mean for his life. She chooses to let him go on, knowing that he is loved, to make the path that he is on a little bit easier, even when she has realised that it will take him away from her for good.

#well that was longer that it needed to be #when in doubt write your way thru ur thoughts #pointing out foreshadowing and gasping is a full time job #justice for the birthday smooch basically #man said: blissful oblivion and also oblivion as in my DEATH #too deep in this to work out if this is even insight at this point #hp analysis #meta #harry/ginny #harry and ginny #hinny #harry x ginny #harry potter #ginny weasley #deathly hallows

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