"I've been trying to home home my whole life-"
Chelsea Dingman, Psychogeography
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(I Refuse to Pray)
by Chelsea Dingman
That’s a lie. But Jesus, I don’t know
you or your father.
My father & daughter are dead
& I am not equal to this
anger. I am the south Florida summer
rains that know no mercy. I am the knife
-edge of night. The edge of the pond
where someone once drowned.
Where have you been hiding?
Green blades of grass are ghosts
now. It’s winter. Forty degrees.
Frost has set in. The alligators
have disappeared from water holes.
Only the crows sit on tile roofs, waiting
for what we’ll throw away.
Charm me. Harm me. It’s all the same.
In the distance: a pink sky. Sirens.
A stoplight, changing on a timer.
See my stomach? Look: it sags
like a six-month-old balloon. The skin,
stretched into a makeshift shrine.
Can you hear me? I want
less sky. Less sun. Less
weather. Listen: the wind
is blessing every door. In the hush of night
-fall, I almost hear snow,
even here. I am almost
home, in this body. Almost
something holy.
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Tell me, instead, you hold my emptiness like a window holds the sky.
Chelsea Dingman, “Instructions For Resurrection [Of Our Marriage, If Nothing Else]” from Through A Small Ghost
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— Wintersong, Chelsea Dingman
[text ID: December’s cold comes to pity us again, / fields stormed by dry riverbeds & dead leaves. / I’m afraid, but I don’t want to tell you.]
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When the sun
lowers / its jaw to
the earth, I finally
know / how to
disappear.
Chelsea Dingman
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"(I Refuse to Pray)," Chelsea Dingman
That’s a lie. But Jesus, I don’t know
you or your father.
My father & daughter are dead
& I am not equal to this
anger. I am the south Florida summer
rains that know no mercy. I am the knife
-edge of night. The edge of the pond
where someone once drowned.
Where have you been hiding?
Green blades of grass are ghosts
now. It’s winter. Forty degrees.
Frost has set in. The alligators
have disappeared from water holes.
Only the crows sit on tile roofs, waiting
for what we’ll throw away.
Charm me. Harm me. It’s all the same.
In the distance: a pink sky. Sirens.
A stoplight, changing on a timer.
See my stomach? Look: it sags
like a six-month-old balloon. The skin,
stretched into a makeshift shrine.
Can you hear me? I want
less sky. Less sun. Less
weather. Listen: the wind
is blessing every door. In the hush of night
-fall, I almost hear snow,
even here. I am almost
home, in this body. Almost
something holy.
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”In other words, the suicidal maniac wants to live. Is that it?”
“I’ve come to think it’s worth trying.”
"You used Corruption, believing in me? How beautiful."
skk webweaves: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5
//strange gods - Roxane Gay// the portrait of a lady - Henry James// art from @/_mwk19_ on Twitter// say yes to heaven - Lana del Rey// the grudge - Olivia Rodrigo// litany in which certain things are crossed out - Richard Siken// art from @/suya1414 on Twitter// Kyoto - Phoebe Bridgers// we’re in love - boygenius// writings prompts for the broken-hearted - Eden Robinson// anyway - Richard Siken// art from @/AB0to on Twitter// things I never give myself permission to say - Chelsea Dingman// art from @/ssmi_0215 on Twitter// the whetting of teeth - Jamaal May// no light, no light - Florence + the machine// cosmic love - Florence + the machine// letters to Felice - Franz Kafka// art from @/rokkyun1 on Twitter// the sorrow festival - Erin Slaughter// norman fucking rockwell - lana del rey// remember my name - mitski// art by @bananana2217// townie - mitski// misheard lyrics - car seat headrest// you couldn’t just leave - Trista Mateer// art from @/T__rate on Twitter// your love finds it’s way back - Sierra DeMulder// a pearl - mitski// humpty - mitski// art by @yuyonyu// abandon me - Melissa Febos// where did you go - Hishaam Siddiqi// I should hate you - Gracie Abrams// art from @/qmthtdy on Twitter// killer - Phoebe Bridgers// a poem for Haruko 10/29 - June Jordan// crush - Richard Siken// pandemonium - Lauren Oliver// art from @/1110yu_ku_si on Twitter// catalog of unabashed gratitude - Ross Gay// steamboat - Adrianne Lenker//
hey remember when I said last part would be the final one? yeah uh about that, turns out I still have some inspiration yippee. hope you liked it :)
tags:
@dinosaur-mayonnaise @philzokman @amagami-hime @nnavia @homuncvlus @vinylbiohazard @bunglegaydogs @zamxii @ghostsinacoat @slug-behaviour @vivid-vices @atsuwushi @gorotic @pendragonstar @ricelover888 @oatmilkbasic @thou-shalt-cha-cha-real-smooth @the-gayest-sky-kid @lotus-reblogs @whiteapplesandblackblood @dazaiyuri @evermorehypewoman
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how can a place be so much my home that i ache for it when i leave, and yet, how can i be so homesick for something else too?
// the view between villages - extended, noah kahan // homesick, noah kahan (poster by harrietistired on ko-fi, pinterest) // two poems, chelsea dingman (image by heavensghost, tumblr) // the view between villages, noah kahan (poster by harrietistired on ko-fi, pinterest // jenny caywood, darkroom // pinterest // i know the end, phoebe bridgers (image by uol.art on instagram) //
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Harry Kim x Voyager and ‘Home’
quote sources + notes under the cut
Chelsea Dingman, from "Psychogeography," published in The Los Angeles Review / Longing Poem by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe / James Baldwin, Giovanni's Room / Joy Harjo, from “We Must Call a Meeting,” In Mad Love and War / James Baldwin, Giovanni’s Room / Joan Bauer - Almost Home / James Baldwin, Giovanni’s Room / Clementine von Radics, ‘Courtney Love Prays To Oregon / Samuel Beckett, Waiting for Godot / Fatimah Asghar, from “How'd Your Parents Die Again?” / Naguib Mahfouz / Louise Glück, The Triumph of Achilles / Brandon Melendez, ‘How to Write Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle into a Promise to Return Home
Purple highlight refers to Non-Sequitur, pink refers to Favorite Son, Yellow refers to Deadlock, green refers to Emanations and red refers to Timeless.
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My poem "It's Only Me the Toyota with the Bungeed Muffler" published in Sweet
I'm delighted to share that today I've had 2 poems published in the new issue of Sweet, complete with audio of me reading them. Here's the first one: "It's Only Me the Toyota with the Bungeed Muffler." Huge thanks to Andy Braithwaite, Katie Riegel, Chelsea Dingman, and everyone at Sweet!
https://sweetlit.org/christopher-citro-volume-15/
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I should’ve known faith is like a father. Here. Not here.
Chelsea Dingman, “Confession” from Through A Small Ghost
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Instagram: alaswrites
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Chelsea Dingman, Things I Never Gave Myself Permission to Say, 2019
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