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ghostfacd · 11 months

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WE DON’T HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT. — king george iii

— “I CAN WALK YOU HOME AND PRACTICE METHOD ACTING.”

pairing; king george iii x fem!queen!reader

summary; you and the king weren’t inlove. it was as simple as it sounds, but that didn’t make it hurt any less.

genre; angst, crying, reader deserves better, mentions of sex but no smut, based on “cool about it” by boygenius

author’s note: this song makes me cry so of course i had to write an angst fic to cope 😭

When you and King George III got married, you knew the marriage was destined to fail.

It was a sensitive topic—you and the King’s marriage. You were still young; he was still young. You wanted to live your life and he wanted to live his. But both of your parents had other plans.

The two of you didn’t even know each other before the label was sealed and you two were pronounced husband and wife. During the first few months in the castle, you and George have grew not only distant, but greatly depressed.

It started off small, with you missing your castle, your bed, and your siblings. You were feeling homesick, and your own husband could not be there to comfort you. He had problems of his own.

He was quiet and calculating. The King rarely showed emotion, much less sleep in the same bed as you unless it was for the conceiving of the next heir.

The only time George had shown any care towards you was the birth of your first son, Prince William. You were in labor, and pain struck through your entire body. With shaking hands, your husband placed your hand in his, letting you squeeze it tightly for support.

When the cry of the new heir rang through the hospital walls, George cried. The King of Great Britain and Ireland had cried. He cradled the baby close to his chest, admiring his nose, small hands, and eyes.

For the first time, you and George had felt a connection. It wasn’t love, but rather, a mutual understanding that it was both your duties to serve this country, and by that, it meant that you had to keep your composures for your son.

“Oh Will,” you say as you hold your baby close to your chest one night. “My beautiful prince.”

George walks in a bit later when William is sound asleep. His eyes look tired, however, there’s a soft glow in them that seems to be reserved only for William. When you gently place your son down on his crib, George leans in to give the baby a kiss on the forehead, smoothing out his tiny tufts of hair.

Though the two of you don’t talk, George looks at you with a certain look on his face, one that you both silently understand. All of this is for William, the future King of Britain.

So when William had gone sick in the middle of a very cold January, the two of you were losing your minds. The boy was now four, very intelligent and well spoken for his age. He had gotten a terrible fever and was on his bed for the entire month.

Maids and servants would come in, changing the young prince’s sheets to keep him cool, put cold towels on his forehead, and feed him soup to make sure he got all his nutrients. He still wasn’t getting better.

“Will?” You say, opening up the door to his bedroom quietly. It made a small creak, alerting the now awake Prince.

“Yes mum?” His voice was hoarse, and it broke your heart.

“I came in with water, please drink it my darling,” you give your son the warm glass, helping him sit up to drink it.

You run your hands through his hair, rubbing his back softly. You prayed to God everyday that your boy would recover soon.

“Mum.” He says, looking up to meet your eyes. He had your eyes, but his face resembled that of his father, your husband, the King.

“Yes darling?”

“How come you and father never show love towards one another?”

The question caught you off guard, your eyes forming into a sense of panic. But you quickly cover it up, not wanting to worry your son.

“What do you mean Will?” You ask, running your fingers through his hair gently.

“I mean, sometimes when I look out the window, I see visitors outside Buckingham with their parents. They look so happy Mum, their parents look so happy with one another. But I never see you and Father smile at each other, or sit in the same table for dinner. Why Mum?”

You didn’t know how to explain to your son that his parents didn’t love each other and that the whole marriage and his own birth was simply for the next generation of royals.

“Your father and I are simply busy,” you say, making sure to be careful with your words, “he’s the king, he has a lot on his plate my dearest. But we both love you very much.”

“But you don’t love each other.” William whispers underneath his breath. You don’t catch it, which he is silently thankful for.

“Well, Mum has to go,” you say, standing up to adjust your gown. “Feel better my darling.”

You place a kiss on his forehead, and he closes his eyes, ready for another nap.

That night, you sit in the middle of your large bed, tears filling your eyes. The doctor had told you that you were with child, about 3 to 4 weeks. You of course didn’t tell anyone, not even George. Your emotions were all over the place, from your firstborn being extremely sick to this news of you being pregnant.

Your head looks up at the tall ceiling, which was covered in gold and decorated beautifully. Even though you were inside a glorious palace with servants left and right, you have never felt more alone.

A sob leaves your mouth as your breathing gets heavier. You knew it was stupid of you. A queen must always stay composed, but the news of you having another child absolutely wrecked your soul. Of course you loved your child, but it was going to grow up in a loveless home being only being known as the spare, important only if your firstborn were to pass away.

“YN?” A knock comes at your door, the voice of George coming from the other side.

George? You think. Why was he here?

You quickly wipe away your tears, walking up to open the large doors. George’s eyes meet your bloodshot ones, and for a moment, they softened.

“What is wrong my queen?”

That was the only thing it took for you to lose it completely, falling into his arms with sobs wrecking every part of your body.

“Hey hey hey,” George coaxes as he carries the two of you onto your bed, placing you down gently.

You crawl into his arms, wrapping yourself in his embrace. He doesn’t stop you or tense up, instead, letting you place your face into his neck.

“We don’t have to talk about it,” George says softly as he pats your back. Your breathing was uneven, and you were sure you were staining his clothes with your tears.

You guess this was a good way to practice method acting. Pretending that George cared deeply about you, pretending that the two of you were inlove, and pretending that you were one happy family.

Maybe then, William and your new child would grow up happy, fooled by the thought that their parents were happy with one another.

Maybe, it would possibly fool you too.

#king george iii imagines #king george smut #king george x reader #king george bridgerton #king george #king george iii smut #king george iii x reader #king george iii #bridgerton #bridgerton x y/n #bridgerton x reader #bridgerton imagine #bridgerton x female reader #queen charlotte bridgerton #bridgerton x you #king george iii bridgerton #queen charlotte: a bridgerton story

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thevirgodoll · 2 months

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a lot of people have destroyed others by saying “I love you” but throwing them away in the trash later when communication is off. why say “I love you” if you’re going to lose patience and kindness later? why say “I love you” if you can’t have perspective for your partner’s pain, not just yours? why say “I love you” if you’re going to devalue and discard?

sometimes, people idealize us and love who they create us to be… and never get to know who we really are. they get upset when we don’t fit their projections. they think feedback means you love them less. they think days YOU are struggling is hatred. they think their lashings for going outside of the “rules” is love. they cast fear and doubts on us because they don’t even love themselves enough yet to believe you love them.

people are doing things in their best interest and should just admit it. they say they love you to get something from you. they don’t even know what “love” is. they don’t even understand the concept. when they have it they destroy it with their bare hands. but they would never want anyone to do the same.

I am tired of everyone using “love” so loosely when the truth is that they love the future ahead and can’t even have patience learning who we are now. genuinely would rather die than ever hear it again fr

#thoughts #this is why I hate being a favorite person #this is just a rant #don’t mind my rambling #mental health #toxic relationship #emotional abuse #actually bipolar #actually adhd #adhd #personality disorder #pwbpd #bpd fp

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xhmeusworld · 4 months

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a perfectly good heart | jeon wonwoo

genre: angst, comfort! bf wonwoo, established relationship

pairings: jeon wonwoo x gender neutral reader

warnings: reader is going through a difficult time, mentions of depression, and reader makes a comment about not wanting to exist

word count: 871

note: lately life has just been throwing me for a loop and as a result, i wrote this. i just want everyone to know that you have a purpose in life. regardless of how big or small, it means so much that you are here and my messages are always open to talk.

no one understands another’s pain. not truly.

words and actions can only explain so much, but no matter what someone says, the extensiveness of the pain can not be conveyed. that’s what you thought.

but as jeon wonwoo held you against him, he swore he could feel everything. the pure turmoil and agony. it felt like his soul was on fire, the flames forcing their way out and racing across his limbs.

the shakes that tore through your body and the struggled breaths through the tears made him hold you tighter, wanting to do anything to provide some sort of comfort. some sort of relief to the despair you felt.

instead, he felt helpless. what could he do? did he have the power to do anything? he wanted to tell you that everything you believed about yourself was wrong. he wanted to tell you that your brain was lying. he wanted to tell you so many things, but he wasn’t even sure if you could hear him right now.

your words from earlier rang in his ears.

“life has no set timeline. I understand that. I hear that every single day from so many people and it’s supposed to make me feel better, but it doesn’t. because then I think about it in terms of years and the longer I am floating around without a plan or a goal, the less likely I am to feel connected to everyone around me. I don’t want to be left behind. I don’t want to be the friend that is left alone; still wandering through life while everyone else has careers.”

the future was a scary thought. wonwoo understood that. the unknown of where you could end up in five years was terrifying, especially with no set plan. but sometimes things like this were meant to happen. maybe you were being led onto another path that you just didn’t know about yet.

“and I feel like I’m such a bad friend to literally everyone. i can hardly muster up the courage or energy to speak to some of closest friends. they have reached out, but i just find myself unable to reply and it hurts because i know the despair i’m feeling is my fault. i am so mentally weak. cutting everyone off makes my soul hurt so bad because I don’t want to hurt anyone, but my brain keeps constantly saying over and over that I’m a burden. I’m annoying. if i reach out, I’m taking time away from their lives; interrupting whatever important thing they have going on. and even through all of this, i’m lonely and i’m scared that everyone will forget me. I know none of this is true. I understand that, but god, I feel so weak and helpless.”

wonwoo wanted to scream. it hurt to hear you admit how lonely you felt and he instantly felt guilty himself as a result of his touring schedule, but you were in no way a burden to him or anyone else in your life. you just weren’t. there was absolutely no way you could be to the l people who loved you the most in the world. you weren’t weak or helpless. you were just scared. he wanted to tell you, he wanted to engrain into your head, that fear was normal. nothing was wrong with you being afraid.

“i’m a disappointment to my parents; to everyone that believed in me. I used to be so happy and now I feel incredibly stupid and I’m just filled with regret and anger. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I wish I was one of those people who knew exactly what they are doing with their life, but I’m not and I hate it. instead, i’m here with a void in my heart.”

your voice was thick with tears that you were desperately trying to hold back. wonwoo thought you were going to start sobbing right then, but somehow you managed to keep your composure to talk once again.

“i’m just so ashamed myself. I’m so utterly and truly an embarrassment and a failure that sometimes I’m even afraid to face you.”

that’s when your boyfriend grabbed your face, forcing you to make eye contact with him as he insisted almost angrily that you weren’t a failure. you were doing what was best for you. you were trying to take it one day at a time. there was no shame or crime in that. wonwoo was so proud of his person. so so very proud.

“i see no light or hope at the end of the tunnel right now”

these were the last words you spoke before you fully broke down, burying your face into his chest.

and no matter what you thought, jeon wonwoo could feel your pain and he held you tightly against him, tears streaming down his cheeks as well. his grasp tightened with each one of your sobs in hopes that if he only held on a little stronger, maybe he would be able to put you back together. he kissed the top of your head. he whispered that you were safe and loved and that you weren’t alone.

because he knew it hurt to be alone.

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buwheal · 4 months

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[You've Got Mail!]

You can now send your favorite salesman emails!! YAY!!

Here's some rules and information about the askbox.

First and foremost;

I try to answer as many asks as I can, but I will not answer every single one. Sometimes I just cant do anything with it that will work realistically with the perimeters of the world, and I apologize!! Its nothing against you guys!!

(Unless you break the rules ofc.)

So if you dont see yours after a long while, it’s probably something that wont work, sorry! You can always send more than one ask whenever and see if that one works instead!

Besides that, here’s the rest of what you need to know!

[RULES] :

Spamton physically PRINTS OUT each "email", so dont send asks that have a physical interaction. Sorry! Thats just how i decided to set up the world/situation, and is not really anything against you guys :-)

(more of a request than a rule tbh) Preferably try to send real questions or statements. most joke asks are funny, but are surprisingly hard to create an in character response for. You can still send joke asks if you really want to, just dont expect an answer X-P

I know he may be a personification of spam emails... BUT DONT SPAM!!! I mean it! It clogs the askbox and is a real pain. You can send him more than one ask, though, as long as you arent repetitively sending a ton in a short burst!!

Dont be sexual or romantic, please! Even "As a joke". I dont like Spamton like that and it makes me uncomfortable, plus I can't really answer that in character in a way that wouldnt provoke more of that. Thank you!!

Be respectful and patient!! I am just one person doing everything, lol, and this got far more popular than anticipated, so i will take a long time. I try my best to get at least one out every other day but i'll need breaks eventually!!!

I cannot spawn or give/spawn/materialize things for/to Spamton if you ask because of the way it’s set up. You are really just lines of text from a computer to Spamton, BUT... You can still do a lot if you think outside the box. or,, errr,, outside the computer. Kind of. Your words and your actions affect him and his reactions to you, so word it correctly and you can get him to do something or say something. Hes not stupid though, and he CAN usually tell when your intentions are... less.. than good.

[INFORMATION] :

[YGM!] is technically an AU!!! not only do the events of the game not occur, but this is also set before then!

Asks are put out one a day, regardless if i have more than one, UNLESS i need to connect two(or more) to complete one event.

I am one person doing every ask and every unique frame of art, so expect 1 ask (If youre lucky, two) maybe every other day Monday-Friday depending on my workload per day. I have weekends off so more asks, around 2-3, CAN (but usually arent) be done for future use.

This is just for fun!! I am using the askbox to exercise my drawing consistency, Spamton's personality, and the way he speaks and responds to different situations! This is a way I am using to improve my understanding of him as a character, so it wont be always consistent as I am growing and learning!

Just a little disclaimer, he WILL be mean. He is a sour, nasty, grumpy, bastard and I am absolutely not opposed to him responding as such. Just keep that in mind when sending an ask if you dont want that!

If you want a common outcome, talk to other people about it! go crazy! I dont mind long threads on my posts if you want to create a plan. Infact, I can even help and tell you things occasionally!!

What you say to him DOES and WILL affect the way he responds. Trust is lost far easier than it is gained, so keep this in mind. It is possible to regain his trust, but still hard. He is not a trusting person to begin with and being mean certainly doesnt help. BUT.. I am not opposed to being mean. Infact, they are quite fun to do. Either way is entertaining for me, so do as you will. YOU can choose to hurt or help him.

Using tone tags, while not required, are really helpful and assist me in understanding the intention in your ask if you think it may be interpreted another way! (i.e. sarcasm) :-)!!

I pick and choose asks depending on his situation, or if i have a good idea for a response, so you may need to wait a bit before i can get to yours!! Ones that i have an idea for take priority, especially when its to progress a scene. Or, alternatively, i am saving your ask for something i have planned.

I WILL reuse frames and poses to get these out faster and for my convienence :-) especially for the frames where there is no need to change his pose! So like.. dont think too hard about it lol.

Also, i prefer if you specify if the ask is for me /or/ Spamton. I do still do normal asks, lol. If its for me, just let me know!! I can usually tell, but most asks will be interpreted as for Spamton. I appreciate ones that start with his name before said thing is asked/stated specifically!! (i.e. "Spamton, __ __ __")

I wont be consistent with the way its answered. Sometimes it's one panel, sometimes its a couple panels, or sometimes they're animated gifs!! It varies depending on what i feel, so if youre lucky you can get a gif, lol. Those take longer usually though. Ive mostly switched to a gif formatting rather than multiple panels in a comic style, for the formatting! The animation quality can vary :-)

Thats about it!! Have fun!! ^_^

#spamton #spamton g spamton #deltarune #[you've got mail!]#<- this is the askbox tag!#deltarune spamton #spamton deltarune #spamton askbox #[YGM!]#[YGM!] questions

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urmomlikeslinotoo · 1 year

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Why Not Me— Percy Jackson

Genre: angst :DD, lovers to exes

Pairing: Percy Jackson x gn!reader

Warnings: insecurities, fighting, percy falling out of love and kinda being a shit bf??

Word Count: 1.2k

Author’s note: i was just listening to washing machine heart by mitski and this came to mind so… heh :DD

You hugged yourself tightly as you breathed out heavily. The bonfire seemed cold tonight, flickering cobalt. The campers all turned to look at you one by one, concerned frowns gracing their faces as they wondered how upset could you be that your side of the fire was completely dark, almost merging in with the darkness looming over and around.

“Babe, you okay?”

Your eyes lit up at his voice, and you looked away from the flames to the boy. Your excitement extinguished when he looked at you with impatient and flitting emeralds. You cowered into yourself again and tried to think of a response, but ended up going with a small smile and nod.

He didn’t even check twice. He turned his body around completely to laugh at some story she was telling. You watched his eyes crinkle into crescents, lines folding over the other. The slight blush heating the apples of his cheeks as she laid a hand on his. She didn’t mean anything by it, it was only an innocent touch. But you knew he thought of so much from that one spark.

That one spark would soon receive more sparks and would one day turn into a raging fire. Meanwhile, your fire was already weakening as he stopped sparking it. It would die little by little, until there would be less of a sad thing to call a spark even. You knew it all, you knew it better than even he did, still you couldn’t bring yourself to put out the fire in you, still raging higher than ever. Rather, you allowed yourself to get suffocated by the smoke that choked you and intoxicated your lungs.

What would he say if you asked him about what you wanted to be when you’d grow up? Would he even remember? Maybe he’d say architecture, because that’s what she likes. What if he’d confuse you with her? He’d call you her, he’d remember her likes and dislikes, he’d remember her parents, her dad, her siblings, her friends, her enemies, her childhood, her future, her. He’d see her in you. Or worse, he wouldn’t even see you. Only her.

Who did he imagine was in his arms when he held you, safe and strong but still so fragile and lonely? Did he imagine her blonde hair strewn across his pillow, and his hand caressing her shoulder? Did he smell her scent in your neck, her lips kissing into his stark black hair? Did he even hear anything you said, or was he busy thinking about how the next day he could ignore you again and meet her and laugh with her and like her and wish she was you?

Was that it? Were you her now? Was that all he saw in you now? Because you could swear there was once a long time ago when he’d walk into the fiercest of fires for you, take the sharpest blade for you, crumble under the heaviest weight for you, die the most painful death for you, live the most depressing life for you… would he even remember any of those promises he had once made to you? Or was he already promising them to her?

What did you even fight for anymore? What was all the yelling and screaming and crying and accusing all for even? He’d call you untrustworthy and slam your door on the way out sometimes, then other days he’d yell about how controlling and selfish you were and then disappear for a few days to kiss up to you again. Was it all really worth it? To feel your heart slam repeatedly against your ribcage and crumble and crack until it would finally shatter and fall lower and lower until it couldn’t heal to perfection again?

Did it really matter that much? Him and you? Was it really you both against the world? Or was it really him and her alongside the world against you?

The crystal droplets slowly slid down your cheeks, an expression so devoid of emotion it was heart breaking, but he could not notice in his anger. It was the first time he’d done something physically dangerous. The closest thing was a glass bottle of seashells, and he’d hurled it at the wall in his rage. His shoulders heaved, harsh breaths escaping him as he tried to rein in his anger.

“So you’re accusing me of cheating this time?” When was his voice so cold and upset? When did it change from loving and carefree to tense and disappointing?

I’m not wearing my usual lipstick, I thought maybe we would kiss tonight

“No… but I’m saying that you’re too much about Annabeth nowadays. Do you even know that I hurt my ankle three days ago? Or that Travis had to drag me out of the lake because my canoe tipped over and I was still sore? Or that I got a new sword? Do you even know me anymore?”

You watched as he didn’t even regard your words, trying to think of ways to defend his sorry ass. You knew better. He was making up excuses. What a solid confirmation.

You got up, legs feeling shaky and weak but still, you did your best to act strong so you could quickly get this done and out of the way.

Baby, will you kiss me already and toss your dirty shoes in my washing machine heart, baby bang it up inside

“Listen… we’ve been dating for over two years, Perce. I know you better than anyone else. I know when you’re happy, or sad, or tired, or frustrated. So I know when you’re lying. Don’t try to hide it, I know you love Annabeth. I’ll accept it, and I’ll leave you so you can pursue her without the baggage of already being occupied by another person you don’t even feel anything for”

Finally, something other than rage cracked through his beautiful irises that told you wondrous stories and fascinating tales. They were oceans of depth themselves, warm and inviting. Enveloping you into its waves of serenity. Now they seemed treacherous, murderous, almost as if they wanted to drag you into their lowest and drown you , strangle you so that you couldn’t even remember what made them so enticing.

It was shock. Maybe relief somewhere behind but it made a smile break out onto your chapped lips, feeling the skin crinkle.

“Yeah… I’m breaking up with you, Percy. I think we both saw it coming for a long time now. I mean, the amount of days we fought over the days we loved were ridiculous. I want you to be free of that, Percy”

Baby, though I’ve closed my eyes, I know who you pretend I am, I know who you pretend I am

He took one step towards you, hand holding his bed frame so he wouldn’t trip. His jaw slackened as he tried to formulate words to spit out, but they died in his throat as soon as something came to him. The sight ignited the spark again, but you immediately pressed it out before something else happened to add more fuel to it.

“I hope you and Annabeth have a great life together. Unfortunately, I don’t think we can be friends any longer. I will regard you as my ally and battle companion, so I hope to see you on the field someday”

“N-No, babe-“

“Goodbye, Percy Jackson”

Maybe fire and water aren’t so different after all.

Do mi ti, why not me, why not me?

#maria’s art!#percy jackson #perseus jackson #pjo #hoo #percy jackson x reader #percy jackson x y/n #percy jackson x you #angst #greek mythology #pjo angst #percy jackson angst #x reader #heroes of olympus #percy jackson and the olympian gods #annabeth chase

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gallifreyanhotfive · 7 months

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My favorite quotes from each Doctor (TV only)

I'll have to do some for the EU too sometime.

One: "I don't make threats. But I do keep promises. And I promise you I shall cause you more trouble than you bargained for, if you don't return my property!"

Two (about his family): "Oh yes, I can when I want to. And that's the point really. I have to really want to, to bring them back in front of my eyes. The rest of the time they....they sleep in my mind and I forget."

Three: "Courage isn't a matter of not being frightened, you know. It's being afraid and doing what you have to do anyway."

Four: "You see, if someone who knew the future pointed out a child to you and told you that that child would grow up totally evil, to be a ruthless dictator who would destroy millions of lives, could you then kill that child?"

Five: "Once a man fell asleep and dreamt he was a frog. When he woke up, he didn't know if he was a man who dreamt he was a frog, or a frog who was now dreaming he was a man."

Six: "This is a situation that requires tact and finesse. Fortunately, I am blessed with both!"

Seven (while fighting the Master): "If we fight like animals, we die like animals!"

Eight (god the fact I'm limiting this post to TV is killing me, really shot myself in the foot there): "You're tired of life but afraid of dying!"

Nine: "Just this once, everybody lives!"

Ten: "Some people live more in twenty years than others do in eighty. It's not the time that matters, it's the person."

Eleven: "Nine hundred years of time and space and I've never met someone who wasn't important."

Twelve: "This is not a war. I fought in a bigger war than you will ever know. I did worse things than you could ever imagine, and when I close my eyes....I hear more screams than anyone could ever be able to count! And do you know what you do with all that pain? Shall I tell you where you put it? You hold it tight....til it burns your hands. And you say this - no one else will ever have to live like this. No one else will ever have to feel this pain. Not on my watch."

Thirteen: "You're wrong about humans. They're not pathetic; they're magnificent. They live with their fears, doubts, guilts. They face them down every day. And they prevail. That's not weakness. That's strength. That's what humanity is."

Bonuses (crack edition) - if you recognize all of these please marry me

"Don't be lasagna."

"Yes, I made some cocoa and got engaged."

"These shoes! They fit perfectly."

"Kill yourself."

"An unintelligent enemy is far less dangerous than an intelligent one, Jamie. Just act stupid...Do you think you can manage that?"

"If I'm ever in need of advice from a psychotic potato dwarf, you'll be the first to know."

"I tolerate this century, but I don't like it."

"I always find violent exercise makes me hungry, don't you agree?"

"If I had crayons and half a can of Spam, I could build you from scratch!"

"I'm the Doctor; I'm worse than everybody's aunt!"

"The assembled hordes of Genghis Khan couldn't get through those doors, and believe me, they've tried."

"Self pity is all I have left!"

"Come to Daddy. I mean Mummy. I mean....I really need you right now!"

"An apple a day keeps the....Ah. No, never mind."

"It was the daisiest daisy I'd ever seen."

"Now drop your weapons or I'll kill him with this deadly jelly baby!"

"In my time, I have been threatened by experts, and I don't rate you very highly at all."

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e-claire · 1 year

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Misophonia sucks so fucking hard and no one anywhere ever wants to talk about it. Literally the only people I've ever had listen to me about my Misophonia are other people with Misophonia. So fuck it, Misophonia Awareness Post or something, I want to vent.

Allow me to describe what it is first for all the lucky people who aren't fucked over. Misophonia is likely an Audio-Processing Disorder (Potentially some form of Synesthesia) in which certain sounds trigger a fight or flight reaction. Trigger sounds can vary and sometimes after long term exposure it can create a reaction to the visuals associated with those sounds. It is possibly genetic, there is no known cause, there is no known treatment, there is only suffering and ways of generally kind of reducing that suffering. When I hear people chewing I am filled with a rage that can only be described as "Bordering on a primal desire to Kill." and there's nothing I can do about that. A family member or friend takes a bite of something crunchy and I have to sit there and exist with thoughts of pounding their fucking skull into paste with my bare god damn hands and then afterwards I have to go back to "being normal". I have to just pretend that didn't happen, I can't do anything with those emotions, I can't put them anywhere, I can't talk about them with anyone or gain any understanding or sympathy from others for having them.

When I see someone chewing food anymore it's borderline impossible for me to remain in the room with them for any more than a few seconds because the mere sight of them chewing makes me physically ill and inspires in me a sense of deep disgust and panic that I could never ever hope to describe.

I tell people about what it's like and I get one of four reactions :

"Oh I think I have that too" With a weird amount of curious excitement at the concept of having a fun new quirky thing to mention in conversations. This means that they don't have it, and they'll then proceed to list off a couple different things that literally no human being likes to hear and how much that thing "annoys them". This makes me want to kill myself.

"Wow, Yikes." Through a grimace. This means I was too open about how it makes me feel and they now think i'm a either a freak, liability, time bomb, or over-dramatic, and will do everything they can to avoid the subject in the future so that I can't make them uncomfortable. This makes me want to kill them AND myself.

Immediately eats something really loudly to set me off as a "joke". This means that they're an obnoxious piece of shit that I have to try my absolute hardest not to beat to death with my bare hands. This makes me want to kill them, if that wasn't already obvious.

"Oh. So that's what this is called." This means they have it, and we can both engage in a brief period of mutual trauma sharing that helps us know we're not alone, and that our curse is unfortunately shared with others. This makes us both somewhat melancholy, and kinda ruins the vibes until something fun happens.

And then we get into the "How do you make the pain stop", and good news! You can't. There is no way to make it stop. But you can make it hurt less with ✨Spending Unbearable Amounts of Cash✨

You can buy a billion different types of earplugs that will all do great at muting the world but always leave you incredibly unaware of the world around you and leave you fucked in-terms of listening to media.

You can buy normal headphones that will kind of work but never mute the world around you anywhere near enough and vaguely frustrate you constantly, but hey at least you're a bit more accessible! Try combining these with a combination of rain and static noise playing at all times in the background for an extra layer of silence :)

You can buy ANC headphones that cost infinitely too much money and are almost always built to break so that they can farm cash from you in repairs, but the ANC is so useful despite not working perfectly that you can't really exist without it so you're gonna spend 200+ dollars every couple years because you don't have a choice, and spend every single day 24/7 wearing hot heavy over-ear headphones! Use the Rain and Static Noise combo with this as well for the best ANC effect.

And inevitably, all of these options will give you hearing problems, potentially make you aware of new trigger sounds, and always leave you a step behind everyone else when a conversation happens. Pro-Tip : For when the sounds are really intrusive and you're on the verge of a breakdown, Combine ANC with Ear Plugs and the R&SN background audio to basically kill noise in it's entirety for a little while :)

AND NOW WE GET TO THE PART WHERE I SAY WHAT THE FUCK CAN YOU NORMIES DO TO MAKE OUR SUFFERING LESS FUCKING CONSTANT.

Listen to us. Don't ostracize us for experiencing emotions we can't control and don't mean or want to act on. If you can, try your best to do the trigger noises quietly, and try your best not to do the trigger visuals in-front of us. We know it's not something you can control entirely, but if you can make the effort to make our lives suck less, we'll really fucking appreciate it.

And if you try to get back at us during a fight by eating something really crunchy to abuse our disorder for your benefit, I swear to god I will hunt you down personally and subject you to the most violent and painful torture I can manage before killing you and hiding your body somewhere no one will ever find it so that your loved ones never have the closure of knowing if you died or if you're still somewhere out there. Thanks for reading even though I know you didn't because the length of this post is frankly unhinged and i'll probably only get like 2 likes at best.

#Misophonia #Misophonia Awareness #Actually Misophonic #Disorder Awareness #Mental Health

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softshuji · 8 months

Text

Hanma would have thought you'd picked up on it by now.

That he loves you.

It's pretty obvious and he'd like to think he hasn't made it a secret, though apparently it's lost on you even now and it infuriates him when you relegate yourself to just "someone he hangs out with". You're dumb, and he means it endearingly, blindingly obtuse and dense and he'd find it cute if it didn't mean he was biting his tongue hard enough to hurt when you somehow miss all the deliberate glances at your lips.

And he likes that to such a degree it bothers him. He's weird about it, finds himself thinking about you so often and with an intensity that's unfamiliar and terrifying all at once.

He's known lust before, he's never not been transparent about the women there was before you, and you've done the same. You'd like to think you have the unique type of relationship where it never means much, where the overgrown thicket of your pasts is left just there; in the past. He doesn't care, he knows he's not the first and, truth be told, he doesn't expect to be your last either.

And it's not that he doesn't care enough. But he's under no illusions regarding how much of a catch you are. He thinks you're pretty, beautiful even, whatever word he can find in kisaki's stupid thesaurus to describe things he likes to look at . And he really does like to look at you. He's less than subtle about it sometimes. A smile thrown your way he hopes you catch, a Cheshire cat grin that he hopes, much to his own chagrin, inspires a same excitement and spark in you that you do in him.

He loves you and it bothers him more than it should when he realizes he can't have you in the way he wants. The world isn't kind enough to give you to him, and why would it be? When he's spent so long denying simple desires to others for the promise of his own future- or even just because he feels like it. But there is still imperceptible pain, when he asks you how a date went on the other end of a call, and he hears a smile in your voice on the happier ones, or a melancholic undertone on the ones that are less so.

And he hates that it grates him when you talk about this special guy you're in love with who has everything you want, who you think you'd be happy with if he'd just accept you.

And it burns to such an extent he feels like bashing this bastards skull in.

But instead- 'Oh yeah? He sounds like a real catch sweetheart, why don't you tell him how you feel?'

You pause at that point, soft pitter patter of your heart that you're convinced he can hear. 'It's complicated. I don't think he feels the same,' you say and it's a sad truth, because why would he? He's everything and you're under no illusions about the type of girl he can get, or even the one he's into.

Spoiler alert: you don't think it's you.

He almost laughs at the incredulity of it all. 'Doesn't feel the same? Well then that's his loss pretty girl, he's not worth it then.'

The irony isn't lost on you and you're close to telling him, blurting it out in some way to assuage the hurt- or the burden of keeping it to yourself. But you're convinced it'll only complicate your relationship further when you're - even now- not exactly sure what you are. Not quite just friends, not quite whatever else there might be either.

But he'd like to think there's no one on the earth he'd rather stay with, that thanks to you he finds himself thinking more and more about what he'd previously refused to even entertain.

And maybe a ring might catch his eye when he walks past a jeweler's with you, and you'll wander off and he'll watch you and wonder whether it's his imagination that tells him a pretty rock would look even better on a pretty girl like you.

'Babe?' you say and touch his arm and he softens, turns to you with a soft and reserved smile before he lifts your hand to kiss and you flare a little hotter at the simple romance of him and his actions.

You hate that he makes it so easy to love him, you'd wish for a harder heart if it meant it hurt less to watch him like this.

And he lets you do all those embarrassing things he wouldn't be seen dead doing anywhere else. Face masks and movies and late night drives, you dabbing creams on his cheeks that linger on his skin, a scent that reminds him a little too sharply of you when he finds the smell of you on his clothes later. Lavender and honey and oatmeal (like seriously who puts oatmeal in moisturizer?) And he finds he's fighting a smile that's come a little too easily when he catches the scent of you on his skin.

You've never been good at the whole relationships thing- and you're under the impression that if you drowned yourself in enough dates and casual sex, that maybe you might love him less and let him go, or at least love him in a way that doesn't bring you pain. And yet, you find it hurts until you're able to crawl back to him at the end of the day, strong and warm arms that come around you as surely as the night turns to day. If you were any stronger you could deny yourself that simple pleasure, that simple weakness.

'You okay princess?' he says, hands running deftly across your arms,the goosebumps seen and not spoken about.

'It doesn't matter- he sucked anyways, fuck him,' you say and bury your face in the comfort of his broad chest, because it easier to pretend like it's not all about him, like he's not exactly what you dream about.

'I can kill him if you want. You want me to sweetheart?" He's only half joking- he really would. And therein lies half the issue. He'd give you the world if he could, if you'd let him.

You suck in a breath, tears now smeared all over his white dress shirt. 'No, it's fine just forget about him, he's not worth the effort.'

But you are, he thinks. You're worth every effort.

But he'll keep it a secret, the both of you will, and honestly, he thinks you're cute and beautiful, funny and sweet, the best in fact. And blindingly obtuse and maybe it would be funny if it didn't bother him so much.

That the one thing he wants is the one he can't have.

Reblogs appreciated!!

#tokyo revengers #tokyo rev #tokyorev x reader #hanma shuji #hanma x reader #shuji hanma

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bunnyywritings · 13 days

Text

to be seen...

BAKUGOU KATSUKI X GN!READER

[a/n: i lowkey love the hc that bakugou is partially deaf/hard of hearing cause of his quirk like...it just makes so much sense to me ?? anyways i just wanted to get this one out of my system! it's not the best so...sorry but yeah...enjoy!! - bunny]

wc: 1.6k words

warnings: none that i can think of...kinda angsty tbh, there's also more of a focus on bakugou than reader

This couldn’t be real.

He’s not weak so…why?

Why did this happen?

Bakugou’s hands shook as these merciless thoughts ran through his head as Doctor’s poked and prodded at his ears. Their touch was bothersome but he supposed he was grateful he couldn’t really hear what they were discussing, any tangible noise was muddy and replaced by a ceaseless ringing.

He had gone through all the motions. Denial being the most violent. He had screamed and cried in a clearing a ways away from the dorms where he had thought that no one would hear him but when he returned and immediately clocked your glossy eyes and trembling bottom lip, he realized how mistaken he was.

Oh, you. Sweet, caring, you.

He almost felt guilty for how much he had pushed you away. All you wanted to do was make sure he knew he wasn’t alone, make sure he felt loved and cared for but he mistook your empathy for pity and blew up at you. This time around it was much, much louder and much more terrifying because he couldn’t hear how loud and rude he was really being.

He had scoffed when you clutched your fists to your side as big fat tears rolled down your cheeks. He couldn’t read lips very well but he didn’t need to when the word ‘mean’ had been formed so clearly by your lips before you ran off to your room.

Now, he was just numb. Having accepted that this was his reality, Doctor’s poking and prodding and the uneasy sight of his mother so broken and…sad. Having to practically be held up by his father.

This wasn’t right. She wasn’t weak. She was never weak but once again, he had mistaken her love and empathy for pity…for weakness.

School had been on break for the spring and he was desperate to get back, he was being run through the wringer and as much as he hated to admit it, he wanted the mundane rhythm of his life back. He wanted to attend his classes again. Quirk training. English. Hero Law.

He actually missed those idiots he calls friends. To sit with them in the cafeteria and hear about the stupid shojo that Denki was reading. Hear how Kiri can’t beat some boss level on the stupid game he was playing. Hear Mina complain about how her cuticles were as healthy as ever. Hear Jiro ramble on about a new band she found and how she thinks he’d actually like them.

Hear…

Would he still be able to do any of that?

He couldn’t quite remember what his condition was. The ringing was gone but all that's left is a muffled sea of jumbled up noises. He was getting better at reading lips and he was put through the master class of sign language in a week. His instructor was surprised but he knew that if you had been there, you would’ve given him a bashful smile and said, “I expected nothing less from our future top hero.”

Ah, that’s right.

Most of all, he missed you.

Your smile. Your wit. Your eyes…the very same ones he made shine with tears. Your laugh…the sound he’d miss the most out of anything.

Despite having left the way he did, you still texted him. He hadn’t responded but you still thought about him.

“You’re doing an awful lot for a guy who told you to piss off…” Shoji eyed you carefully as you set up the classroom, helping you place workbooks on the desks and open the windows.

“Yeah but you know as well as I do that Bakugou uses anger like a shield. He’s probably confused and in pain about all of this, it’s only fair that we help out as much as we can.”

Your caring nature was worrying sometimes. Shoji had seen your heart shattered multiple times by people who brush you off or take advantage of your willingness to do hard work, he was worried that Bakugou didn’t deserve this kindness.

He remembered holding you as you sobbed into his chest, it took everything in him to not run out to the common room and knock some sense into the blonde but ultimately, he decided that staying and comforting you was more important.

And despite all that pain he caused you had gone straight to Principle Nezu and pleaded for the school’s help. Going as far as offering to do all the work in finding an instructor and getting all your classmates on board. Now, here you were setting up the classroom for the first day of sign language classes.

The Friday before school started up again, Mitski got a call from the specialist they had been working with and with the influence of UA, Bakugou’s hearing aids were ready for him. She was ecstatic, enthusiastically waking her son and shouting at him to get ready.

He was…startled to say the least. If he had been able to hear the yelp he had let out when he was shaken awake, he surely would’ve been a bright red.

And so, with the promise of heading to a nice restaurant for breakfast before heading back home, Bakugou shoved himself into the backseat of the car and off they went.

The school had covered two pairs and he almost scoffed at the design of the devices. The first pair’s earpiece was clear, swirled with red and orange and the part that hooks around the ear, an almost gaudy, bright red-orange. The second was just his hero costume earpieces with hearing aids attached. Both pairs were specially made to muffle his explosions while still being able to hear others clearly. They also had a bluetooth feature so he’d be able to listen to music comfortably.

The doctor and his parents looked on expectantly as Bakugou slipped them on for the first time, surprised by how comfortable they were. He switched them on with shaky hands and everyone waited in silence before he looked into his mother’s teary eyes.

“Katsuki…honey? Can you hear me?”

His eyes widened. Had her voice always been so tender?

It brought tears to his eyes, he got up from the uncomfortable exam table, fists clenched at his sides. She looked up at him from her seat and her face crumbled. His eyebrows were pinched, a pitiful frown on his wobbling lips and tears slowly leaking from his eyes.

“Oh, honey…” He threw himself into her embrace and cried into her neck like he had done many times when he was little. Masaru watched on in tearful wonder, remembering that this was still his son. His baby boy and he was hurting more than he let on. Shouldering an exhaustingly heavy burden on his shoulders all by himself.

The image of his little boy, only 4 feet tall tearfully struggling to hold a boulder up above his head, arms and legs trembling with exhaustion and desperately calling out for his mommy and daddy shook him to his core.

He wrapped his arms around both of them, his hand cradling the back of Bakugou’s head. “It’s okay, son. We’ve got you.” At the sound of his father’s steady and calming voice, the boy cried harder. “We’ve got you.”

Standing in front of the dorms was more daunting than he thought it would be. Hiking up the steps was like attempting to trek Mt. Fuji. The only comfort being that he was expecting the common room to be empty. He expected everyone to be in their room attempting to settle back in after a week long break.

He hated how wrong he’s been recently.

When he opened the door, he was met with everyone cheering. It was all so loud and disorienting that, despite his hearing aids, he had no idea what the hell anyone had said. Then, you stepped through the crowd and suddenly everyone faded into the background.

“Guys! I thought I said no shouting! It’s probably still too much for him!”

“But you’re shouting right now…” Denki snickered, earning an unamused glare from you.

His eyes filled with tears, heart constricting in his chest. Twisting and throbbing almost painfully.

God, he missed you.

“So scary when you look at me like that!” Denki shuddered playfully.

You had opened your mouth to refute but were cut off by Bakugou suddenly roaring with laughter, squeaking the slightest bit as he hunched over, arms wrapped around his middle as he laughed.

Shock ran through everybody’s spines, jaws on the floor.

He wasn’t quite sure what came over him but it was an involuntary reaction. Maybe to camouflage the fact that he had a river of tears sliding down his chin.

Once he had finished, he stood upright. Out of breath and wiping his eyes. Meeting your eyes once again made the butterflies in his stomach go berserk. They went downright psycho when your hands were held up in front of you, trembling as you carefully signed, ‘welcome home.’

He was silent once again. Absolutely dumbstruck.

Midoriya watched on fondly, as did everyone, emotions overwhelming and tears filling their eyes.

Bakugou was in complete disbelief.

“When…” He breathed, hands coming up to sign the rest. ‘When did you learn that?’

It took you a second to register what he said before responding. ‘We learn over break…’ your signing was a little sloppy, he had missed a few things but caught on immediately at the end, ‘...love you. Want you feel normal as possible.’

He didn’t let you finish, grabbing you into his embrace and holding you tight. “Thank you.” He mumbled into your hair, you held on equally as tight.

“You’re welcome.” Your voice so up close and intimate was a blessing.

#bakugo katsuki x reader #bakugou katsuki #mha #mha x reader #bnha #bnha x reader #bakugou katsuki angst

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duckprintspress · 12 days

Text

Did you know? So far this April, Duck Prints Press has put out 10, yes t.e.n., new short stories? Two to our website, and eight to our Patreon! Learn all about them now...

Website Releases

Title: Foundations Author: Johnathan Stern

F/F, Science Fiction, Meet Cute on Mars

Addison is browsing the stacks of the Valles Marineris Coprates Chasma University Memorial Library when she's shocked to find someone looking for the same obscure book about the history of space travel that is.

Title: Worlds Apart (but Still Close) Author: Sanne Burg

F/M and M/M to F/M/M, Urban Paranormal, Confessions of Mutual Attraction, When in Doubt Fuck it Out

Flo is consistently frustrated with how her boyfriend Arthur's bodyguard Kacen is always watching her suspiciously. But when she discovers Arthur and Kacen in bed together, it casts a whole new light on the relationships between the three of them, and Flo finds herself considering possibilities that had never dawned on her before.

Patreon Releases

Title: Coffee For My Valentine? Author: Cedar McCafferty-Svec

F/F, Contemporary Romance with a Splash of Magic, Bookshop-slash-Coffee-Shop Meet-Cute, Heat Resistance for the Win

Valentine's day is invariably a disaster for Nissa. And when she starts this Valentine's work day by spilling coffee all over a new customer?

Maybe she should have just stayed in bed this morning.

Title: Glass Slipper: A Dance Author: Cedar McCafferty-Svec

F/NB, Fantasy, Dating Royalty is Hard Even if Your Stepmother Isn't Evil, Attraction at First Sight, Getting to Know One Another

Going to the ball was Marienne's dream, but it still never occurred to her that she'd catch the eye of the Royal Heir Apparent. Their dance is a dream come true, and their walk around the gardens together helps demonstrate they could have a future together even putting perfect first-dances aside, but that doesn't mean things will be easy.

Title: Into the Wyvern's Lair Author: Mikki Madison

F/F (Pre-Relationship), Fantasy, the Inherent Eroticism of Being Competing Mercenaries After the Same Mark (and the Same Pay Day)

Usually, Kella wouldn't take a job from a tiny podunk town in exchange for the risks of facing wyvern, but they're offering 25 gold pieces, and that's too much to resist. She doesn't expect the job to be that hard - it's not her first time facing a wyvern - but she also doesn't expect competition, in the form of a stubborn mage who has been hired by the same town at the same rate. But what she really doesn't expect is the wyvern...

Title: Washer Wars: A Laundromat Feud Author: Samantha M. Piper

F/F, Contemporary Romance, Meet-Awkward, Sometimes the Only Difference Between Fighting and Flirting is Point of View

Every Saturday morning, before the crack of dawn, Dee goes to the laundromat to do her laundry alone and in the quiet, with her pick of the available machines.

Until the morning she's not alone anymore.

Truly, she doesn't know what's worse: the loss of her solitude, or that this intruder has taken the biggest washer.

Title: Fool's Gold Author: Eliot Lovell

M/M (Pre-Relationship), Fantasy, Dragon Hordes and Lifelong Dreams, Hurt/Comfort

When Tomas sets off to defeat a dragon, he does so despite the aches and pains of growing older and a bum hip. Little does he expect that his attempt to be a valiant hero will be derailed prematurely when he's set upon by wolves. After they leave him unconscious in the woods, the last thing he expects is to be rescued and nursed to help. But he has one burning question: who found him, and why?

Title: Escape Author: Sanne Burg

F/M + F/M Established Relationship with Partner Swapping, Contemporary Romance, Middle-Aged Characters, Friends with Benefits to Lovers

Anxiety means that it doesn't take much to push Liam into needing some quiet time to himself, and he's so appreciative of his wife Alice taking the initiative to get him that quiet time.

He's slightly less appreciative when their friends-with-benefits partner-swap married friends Dan and Lola show up, especially considering that it was finding RPF fanart of him and Dan having sex that triggered Liam's anxiety in the first place...

Title: Old Kings and New Author: Lyonel Loy

M/M, Fantasy, Omega/Omega, Middle-Aged Characters, Bonding Over Shared Favorite (Rape Fantasy) Books

No one in their right mind would name Isemund king, but he's the only heir left, and so the council names him and then flees before the conqueror Caith can seize the castle.

Isemund is prepared to die at the hands of the invader.

Caith has other plans in mind.

Title: Georgia Rain Author: R. L. Houck This is a sequel to the Patreon-exclusive story "Pretty 7 Days a Week"

F/NB, Contemporary Suspense, Reunion after a Long Separation, They Work Hard for the Money, You'll Never Guess How This Sex Romp Gets Interrupted...

Four years after the events of Pretty 7 Days a Week, Tomas, who has changed their name to Aster, has built themself a new, better life no longer working on the streets.

The last thing they expect is for Lydia to come sweeping back into their life. It's also the last thing they want...or so they keep trying to tell themself...

So, Looking for New Queer Short Stories to Read? Visit Our Webstore and Become a Patreon Backer Now!

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bingoboingobongo · 1 year

Text

cod characters alphabet: dreams

Characters: Simon "Ghost" Riley, John "Soap" MacTavish, Kyle "Gaz" Garrick, John Price, Alejandro Vargas, Rodolfo "Rudy" Parra, Valeria Garza

Warnings: none

Prompt: Dreams - How do they picture their future with their significant other?

A/N: currently binging kaleidoscope no spoilers por favor

simon "ghost" riley:

alright so ghost makes a conscious effort to try not to dream or fantasize about his future because he doesn't really see the point in dreaming about something that probably won't happen

he's had his fair share of experience with death, especially around the people he loves and so a lot of the things he does are designed to lower the pain when bad things happen

that being said, sometimes if things are really bad (or really good) he'll allow himself to think about it just a little

i mean it's always good to have a plan, right?

when he does let himself dream though, it's honestly not much different than what you guys have right now

he's not exactly sold on having kids or a family

for one, he doesn't want to leave you alone with kids if something bad happens to him, and two, he doesn't want to put them in danger because of his job

he might sometimes dream of having a kid, or maybe a few, but those are definitely just dreams

it would take a lot, and i mean a lot, of convincing for him to agree

if the timing works out, he'd prefer to be retired from the military when you have kids

that way he can be there to help take care of the kids and they're in less danger

that being said, in his probably kidless future, he's honestly just happy as long as he's with you

he really doesn't think he'll live long enough to retire, but if he does he'd like to open up/work at a bookstore for a bit

he doesn't really have any desire to travel or anything because he's done a lot of that in the military

he just wants to be able to get married, grow old with you, and make memories

honestly, as long as he's still with you he's happy, whether it's with kids or without them, married or not married, he doesn't care

john "soap" mactavish:

okay so honestly soap's a little scared of the future

honestly he's just more scared of growing old and a little bit of dying so he doesn't like to think of the future too much

he's definitely more of a "live in the present" kind of guy

that being said, when he's bored he's more than happy to let his mind wander to a future with you

one thing he knows for a fact is that he wants to marry you eventually

he's not exactly sure when, but he feels like sooner is better than later

he feels like marriage would be a really fun adventure and he's looking forward to taking that step with you

that being said, he doesn't really plan on retiring from the military any time soon

his plan is probably to stay until he's physically incapable of serving because he gets a lot of gratification out of being useful to his country

that being said, he might consider retiring earlier if you want him to stay at home more or to help take care of kids

now let's talk about kids

honestly i think soap probably wants kids

i think he definitely wants a boy so he can play ball with him and stuff like that

and maybe a daughter to keep his son company too

he doesn't really mind how you guys have kids, whether that adoption, surrogacy, etc.

that being said, if you didn't want kids he'd be fine with a dog or something like that

kyle "gaz" garrick:

hm so honestly gaz doesn't really know what he wants for his future

i mean he knows he wants to spend it with you but he's not sure how he feels about the specifics

while he definitely does want to marry you, if that's not something you're into he'll be more than happy to remain your boyfriend for as long as you'll let him

he doesn't really know if he wants kids yet, but he knows that if he does he wants to wait until he's older and more stable in life

that being said, he has a lot of experience with taking care of young kids because of his younger siblings, so if you guys do want kids know that he'll be a great dad

i think he probably wants a lot of kids, like maybe three or four, but if that's not something you're into he'll let you have the last decision

he definitely really loves his job in the military but one thing he knows for sure is that he wants to be there for his kids and he knows that the military makes that a lot harder

if he needs to, he'll retire in order to stay with you and your kids in order to support you

if he does retire, he'd probably go back to school in order to get another degree, a master's or a phd

from there, he'd probably try and get a job teaching history at a university or maybe see if he can work at a museum or something like that

if you want to, he's more than happy to let you be a stay at home parent, but he's also happy if you wanna work as well

if you want him to be the stay at home parent than he's also more than happy to do that

john price:

okay so honestly price is definitely getting up there and so he's definitely got a few plans for his future

he's pretty well off financially and so if you're down he'd like for you to move in with him or to buy a house together

okay so obviously price is pretty interested in having kids

and that's if he doesn't have some already from past relationships

although i honestly don't think he does because i really see him as the very loyal type

that being said, he's definitely a workaholic and i could see that probably straining some relationships so maybe he would have a kid or something like that

ofc tho whether or not he has kids is your decision after all so you do you

anyways no matter how many kids he has prior to your relationship, he's definitely down to have kids with you

probably two, a boy and a girl, or maybe two boys

like all of the others, price really doesn't mind how you guys have kids, whether it's adoption, ivf, surrogacy, or conception (is that the right word for it?)

that being said, he can also see himself with no kids in the future

just you and him, probably married, he's probably retired from the military now too, alone together in his little cabin in the woods

just spending the days together, with no pressure from anyone or anything else, completely peaceful

alejandro vargas:

hmm so tbh i definitely see alejandro as being a family man

i think he definitely wants kids/a big family, but he's open to adoption or surrogacy or whatever method you want to use

it's probably pretty important to him, but he loves you a lot and you're very important to him, so if you really don't want kids than he'll comply because he loves you and you're more important than kids that don't exist yet

that being said, no matter whether or not you guys have kids or not, his job is really important to him and so i don't see him retiring any time soon

although if you guys start a family he'll probably try and reduce his workload or get a safer position so he can be there for you and the kids

if you're not military, he definitely does his best to keep you as far away from the gunfire as he can

he definitely keeps you in a safe place that only he and a few other people know about

his worst fear is something bad happening to you and so he does everything in his power to prevent that from happening

he's very protective of you and your kids (again if you have them) because he knows las almas is not necessary the safest place

honestly if he had the choice, you wouldn't even live in las almas and would instead live somewhere safer

and even though he works a lot, he does his best to always be there for you and see you as much as possible

he really just wants to grow old with you and be happy with you by his side

rodolfo "rudy" parra:

okay so rudy spends a lot of time dreaming about his future with you

probably more than he should honestly but he's not complaining

honestly in his mind, his future with you goes a lot of different ways

he's honestly really scared of screwing things up with you though so he doesn't let himself get too caught up in his head

that being said, one thing he knows for a fact is that he really wants to marry you

as soon as he knows you're ready, and as soon as he can get a ring as beautiful as you, he's getting down on his knees and proposing

he definitely wants to move in/buy a house with you, maybe somewhere in the suburbs but still close to/on the edge of the city

honestly he's not sure how he feels about having kids

he had more than a few nieces and nephews to keep him busy and they're definitely a handful

if you guys do end up having kids he definitely wants to wait a bit so he can be fully ready/stable so he can provide for your kids

he doesn't really want to have to retire from his job, but like alejandro he's down to move to a safer position for you

if you guys don't have kids, he's more than happy to just spend his life with you

i think after he retires he'd like to go traveling with you

a lot of the places he's been have been for work and so he wants to go somewhere purely for leisure

valeria garza:

alright so valeria's a very practical person and so she doesn't spend much time dreaming, because she's very focused on her business

that being said, she knows she wants to be with you as long as possible (and hopefully until the end)

she's definitely very worried about your safety because of her job as el sin nombre

and even if you're part of her whole operation she'll still be worried

it's not like she can exactly stop being el sin nombre so it's definitely gonna be hard for her to settle down

so she doesn't really want kids now or in the immediate future

her job is just too dangerous and also she's not sure if she could even be a good mother

she's not sure if she's built for it and she also thinks she's way too busy for it

she'll probably try and put a ring on your finger eventually

and you know she's more than willing to spend a pretty penny on you

she'll probably have a very small wedding at some point, but if you want a bigger one she'll be down

someday when she's older she might be down to starting a family with you

but as long as she's with you she's happy

423 notes · View notes

cuubism · 1 year

Text

It’s 3pm on a rainy Wednesday, and Hob is sleepily grading student papers, when Death of the Endless appears in his flat, lies quietly down on the couch, and rests her head in his lap.

Hob stares down at her for a long moment, hands aloft in indecision, because this is not... something they do. By now he can say he calls Death a friend, and they get drinks together sometimes and chat, but this...

“Everything alright, love?” he asks, finally resting a hand on her shoulder.

“I don’t mean to disturb your peace,” Death says quietly. The TV Hob’s left on as background noise—some silly cooking show—nearly drowns out her voice entirely.

“Nothing peaceful about trying to find nice ways to tell my students they can’t write for shit,” Hob says, pushing his papers away. He can’t see Death’s face well like this, but he doesn’t like the uneven sound of her voice, not when she’s usually so level. “Disturb away.”

After a long moment in which they both just listen to the TV program host blather on about crumpets, Death says, “I am not affected by deaths.”

“…Alright,” Hob says, though he’s not convinced.

“I am…” Death continues, but trails off on a breath like a whistle of cold wind. “May I... stay here awhile?”

“‘Course.” Hob carefully pets at her head, strokes her hair. Worry is building, but he doesn’t think Death needs him to pull her words out of her the way he sometimes has to with Dream. She will speak when she’s ready. “Do you want to hear some truly fascinating attempts at historical analysis? Or is peace and quiet what you’re looking for?”

“You can speak if you wish,” Death says, still in that quiet tone.

So Hob tells her about some of his students, the ones who truly seem to have some promise in the field, and the others who he’s pretty sure are just mangling their papers together from sentences out of one of those AI things, if the originality is anything to go by. It’s disappointing but does make for humorous reading. Though really, Hob’s not sure whether to laugh or despair when he has to read lines like War has negative effects on people in an actual university academic paper. Wow, you don’t say.

He does manage to get a few chuckles out of his friend, but none with her usual humor and enthusiasm, and eventually he trails off, and they listen quietly to the background noise of the TV.

“Is there anything I can do?” Hob asks quietly.

“Can you control the future, Hob?” Death asks, a rhetorical question without any of her usual lightheartedness.

“Can’t even control the present,” Hob says. He just keeps his hands on her, one on her shoulder, one on the top of her head. Grounding, he hopes. And he thinks on what she’d said.

Hob knows that Destiny is the only Endless that operates in the future, but he has wondered, now that he understands them a bit better, if Death may not have a foot in that direction as well. She must know, some way, how to be where she must when she must.

Death has never seemed overly burdened by the past, even though history is a tower of bones a hundred miles high. Hob had asked, once — do all those terrible things ever bother you? you were there for them all —and all she had said was, “It has already happened,” with neither pleasure nor pain, just acceptance.

The future is another matter entirely.

“Is something going to happen?” he asks.

“I will not burden you with knowledge that is not yours to carry,” Death says.

So, that’s a yes.

“Maybe I could do something about it,” Hob suggests, though he suspects where that query will lead.

“You could not.”

“What about you, then?”

“That is not my place,” she says, though she sounds less certain about it than she usually is when discussing her function.

“You sure?” Hob asks.

“Were I to change fates for some, what excuse would I have for not doing so for all? Unfair things happen hourly, and always will. If I upend the balance, there is no telling how things would tip out of control down the road.”

It must be hard, Hob thinks, to be so powerful and yet so powerless.

“You did spare me,” he points out.

Death huffs, almost a laugh. “In truth, I shouldn’t have done that. Although I suspect Destiny had it written in his book for other purposes entirely.”

Huh. Well, that’s probably something Hob shouldn’t think on too hard for the sake of his own sanity.

“Well, I’m certainly not complaining about it,” Hob says, and Death chuckles.

“Is there anything I can do for you?” he asks, when they’ve been sitting for another few minutes in silence.

“I… do not have many friends,” Death says. Common family trait, then, Hob thinks. Not that it’s really so surprising. Death is very personable, but most of her interactions with people are, well… fleeting. And it can’t be easy to make normal friends, when you’re as expansive a being as one of the Endless.

“Stay for a while then,” Hob says. He pulls a blanket over her and tucks it around her shoulders. “Until you have to go.”

“Thank you, Hob,” says Death, still sounding incredibly weighed down by her function, but given a slight reprieve, perhaps.

Hob rubs her shoulder and thinks about these endless creatures he’s chosen to love. Do they have anyone else to worry about them? He doesn’t think so. It’s just Hob, and he doesn’t think that’s anywhere close to enough, but he’ll just have to do his best.

“Any time, love,” he tells her, and means it.

#hob death friendship my beloved #couple days later hob's got /two/ endless sitting depressed on his couch cuz lbr whatever unspecified mass casualty event happens is going #to fuck up death and dream both #rip #hob gadling #death of the endless #deathling #i mean it's not intended as shippy but that's my tag for the two of them right now #my writing #FINALLY one ongoing wip finished. thank you nano. it's a short one but still #sandman fic #just post the most random ficlet and then go back to work XD #me: i won't post anything during nano i'll just focus on writing. also me:

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dragonflydestiny · 1 year

Text

Letter from your Soulmate 🌻

My second pick a card. This pick a card is going to be about letter from your soulmate. What would they write to you?. Would their letter respond to yours? (you can reread 'your letter to your soulmate' in my first pick a card I post earlier). Let’s find out. Pick from 1-4. Thank you.

P.S. This is a very long pick a card for me and I put in a lot of work so I would be very grateful if you could tip me, only if you have the means to. It would encourages me to do more. Thank you so much.

Disclaimer: This is meant as entertainment only. Takes only what resonate.

My Master Lists

💌

💌 Letter 1 🦋

The Lovers, The Chariot, Father of Swords in reverse and 4 of Pentacles (back of the deck).

To (Your name),

I knew from the moment we first met, I felt a sense of familiarity. Your presence alone brings me a feeling of nostalgia. When our eyes meet, I feel like I am existing in the present, the past and the future all at once. It is very strange, and for a brief second it feels like time didn't exist. At that moment, I’m sure was confused. Hesitantly, I introduce myself to you, half expecting you to somehow recognise me and say that we've met before. I'm sure we did, this meeting doesn't seem like it's our first. Would you believe me if I say that there are histories and memories of us buried deep inside waiting for us to uncover it again?. It wasn't love at first sight with you, but more like remembering I have loved you all along. All these time I was waiting for you to show up, a piece of my puzzle I was missing and when you did, I felt so relieved. Yes, I thought to myself, I know it's you, it is going to be you. My soul recognises yours because it is the same stars that we were born. Even though It took us so long to meet, I know I would've been much more happier if we've met earlier.

Before you, I used to dream about having someone by my side, someone I can experience both the joy and pain of life together. And we would travel to every corner of this world but I guess I was naive. My biggest and most painful lessons came from those desires. Through the union with my past person, I had dealt with such malice and hostility. Loving another person became a game, it became dangerous for me. I learned it the hard way of how not to love someone. I'm not proud of what I did and what I had to do to get out of my previous relationship. But that story had long ended. I didn't know it myself but I was searching for you. I was searching for you in everyone that I'd dated/met. But with my past person/people we couldn't see eye to eye. We lacked communication and eventually drifted apart. At those points, I start to wonder if that is it in life, was that my peak of happiness. And sometimes, I'm not going to lie, I did believed that was it. Nothing else can make me happier, until now.

Finally, now I can see the sliver lining. I used to resent my past choices and always play the blame game, if only I'd know that those same choices I made would lead me here to you. I would've been more than willing. I would've been able to make peace with it sooner. Like I said before, if we'd met sooner, I would've be a very very happy man/woman. But I know life doesn't work like that. Seeing you makes me want to try again, to give this 'love' thing another chance. To practice lessons that I learned. I still have a lot to learn but it is very hard for me to hold back from pursuing you. Just know this, when we first met, I wanted to go after you right away but half of me know that I am not ready. I still need to learn to be patient and less impulsive. I need to learn to see situations from different perspective and to control my emotions. I tend to let emotions blind me from seeing things clearly. I can't go to you yet if I don't learn these things. So please wait for me, know that I will find my way back into your arms again.

The torments and pains I will have to face, I will face them with courage and determination just to be with you again. And when I am lost, I will find myself again with your love. Although I don't remember our love, I have never forget it "cause I loved you than and I love you still". I can't wait to remember how to love each other again together in this life. I already know though, that I am right behind you in all that you do, I pray for you to be safe and taken care of when I can't be there with you. When your heart breaks know that mine break too. I promise that it will be easier once both of us let go of things that are too heavy to carry. Gently, I will go with the flow, like a river then eventually meeting the vast ocean, where it is wide and free. And what it is that you have to say I will listen to you, my heart will be open and ready then. Ready to listen to you and only you.

With love,

(Their name)

Channeled song from them to you: Woodlock - I Loved You Then (And I Love You Still) "And I'm right behind you in all that you do. And I spoke with God. He’ll Take care of you. Find me. Stone on a hill. Cause I loved you then. And I love you still."

💌

💌 Letter 2 🌷

6 of Swords, 9 of Cups in reverse, Son of Wands and 6 of Pentacles (back of the deck).

Dear You,

Life was hectic lately but thankfully it is getting calmer. I can finally see the rainbow after the storm. Now I want to take a little get away trip for the weekend to celebrate the end of this tough cycle. It was difficult because of the work that I do and unfortunately there were misunderstandings as well. So much was going on, I was up the wall and didn't have much time to write to you before. Even though, it is settle now, I am still not satisfy with where I am at. Between you and I, I want to confess that I am unfulfilled, with my life, with my job and with what I do. I would never say this out loud or to anybody about how unhappy I am with my life. There is so much conflicting energy around, both on the outside and within me. I tried so hard with my work, my business, working slowly towards my wish but I don't see much progress. So now I am frustrated. I wonder if you can understand what I am going through or at the very least sympathise with this frustration too.

Thankfully, slowly it is getting better but it took a lot out of me and now I am burnt out. I need to rejuvenate or else I won't have time or energy to meet you. I need to rest to revitalise and go on a vacation to somewhere nice and relaxing. I do wish you could come with me. After the rest, I will come back stronger than ever. There's this new project that I want to start. Even though I have to wait to be replenish first, I am just so excited to get it started and I want to tell you all about it. But sometimes, I can get ahead of myself and tend to focus a little too much on the future such as what I have to do next. It's hard for me to focus on my rest when all I want to do is jump start on my next project/adventure right away. Do you have something you are passionate about as well?. Don't you get these impulses too?

All in all, I work hard and I always want to play fair to others. I would tell myself to be kind and treat others how you want to be treated. But unfortunately, some people just want to screw you over. There were times where my kindness were being taken advantage of and it did led me to my downfall. I used to give too much but it only left me with nothing and for that I learned to hate unfairness and unfair people. I still resent those people who took from me and left me out in the cold. I will be hesitant to give because of my past and I hope you can be fair to me and understand my hesitancy. I also want you to know that it was hard work and it still is hard work for me to learn to be kind to myself. It was because I was being unfair to myself first that allowed others to do the same to me. For the longest time I ignored my own heart and in turn, I was the cruelest person to myself. But I thought I was being selfless, ultimately those 'selfless' acts I wrongly perceived only led me to resentment and bitterness towards others especially when they don't give back to me what I have given them. And when my cup was empty, my demands from other was out of hurt and desperation. It was not an easy realisation coming to term with the fact that I was mostly responsible for my own misery.

It was a hard lesson but I learned it now. To get away from the turmoil, I stopped ignoring my heart and I strongly urge you to do the same. Choose and act with love, follow your truest desires because I believe it would eventually lead you to me. Please believe that your purest desire will never lead you astray, it will forever guide you. I believe that to be true for me and in turn, I believe in myself. I will also believe in you too. When I look at you, I can see how brave and strong you are especially when you go after those desires. I truly believe you can achieve anything. You want to reach for the heights so don't be afraid to fall. I know you can see my wings and I fly high in the sky but "little birdie, you are also a bird in my eyes, when will you realise that you can fly too?”. So let's fly and conquer the world together and when your wings are tired, I will carry you. Just like you, before I was a flightless bird, scared to fly and scared of the heights but when I learned that my wings wasn't broken, only disregarded, I began to daydream of all the wonderful things I deserve. Things of divine essence, I began to daydream about you, "to dream of you even when I am wide awake". To be curious about you and see with my own eyes how will you spread your wings and start your flight because I want to be by your side. And this letter to you will be proof of my daydream come true.

So see you in a while my little bird.

(Their Name)

Channeled song about them: Iron & Wine - Flightless Bird, American Mouth "Have I found you? Flightless bird, brown hair bleeding Or lost you?"

💌

💌 Letter 3 🪲

2 of Pentacles in reverse, 5 The Hierophant in reverse, 2 of Swords in reverse and 10 The Wheel of Fortune in reverse (back of the deck).

Dear (your name),

It’s truly harder now for me to believe in true love. There were chains of events that led to my pessimism. Changes that weren’t pleasant. I understand that two people can love each other but eventually, they will change and become a completely different individuals. So what then, would that two specific people love each other’s new selves still?. Do you think they will still love each other?. Because I don’t think so. They might’ve loved that person for the person they used to be but that doesn’t mean they would love their new selves as well. Because of these facts, I am scare of change, people changing, it can break a relationship, taking away people you used to care for most. They can change into a completely new person and you wouldn’t recognise them anymore. So you are forced to mourn the death of that person’s old identity and be forever parted. As you can tell, I have a negative connotation with change, it is one of my deep rooted fear. However, deep down I know that change is very necessary. But this fear is still lingering and deep within me, subconsciously affecting how I view my life and my relationships. So, If I change, would you still love me the same?. Or would you resent me instead?.

Nonetheless, I do find the growth rate of a person fascinating, whether it’d be spiritual growth or emotional growth. But I have to admit that it also scares me. Subconsciously, it terrifies me. To think that one day people whom I loved and know most will turn into strangers and become unrecognisable. So I am scare to go deeper and to open my heart. I am afraid that I would be left behind if I am the only person in my relationship to open up. I would become oblivious to the mask my partner can wear. I don’t want to be oblivious to the fact that truly, I didn’t know the person I was with at all. They never show me who they truly are but is only pretending to be somebody they’re not. It is very hard to come to term with this fear especially when it comes to choosing a life partner. So if I open my heart to you, would you let me in and crack my guarded heart open?. Would I be able to be vulnerable with you?. Teach me to show you “the stranger” in me, even if I resist. Do you have a part of yourself hidden away as well?. Would you let me see too?.I want to be brave together and get rid of this blockage we both have. Blockages of our secrets and truths that we didn’t want to face. We hide part of ourselves because we are insecure, we don’t want to be judge because of how we look or how we live our lives. I didn’t want to be judge, only accepted. So I pretended to be someone I’m not just to fit in and over time I, too, became a stranger to myself. I regretted a lot of my past decisions because it was chosen through falsehood. Failed relationships were also a result of that as well. Ironically, I became the manifestation of my deepest fear. It is funny how the universe works. But not anymore, because with you I don’t have to pretend to be someone I’m not. When I get to know you, you accept me as I am and you make me value my true self. You don’t judge me and you let me live my life. The least I can do is to give you the same respect.

So, no more falsehood, no more illusions. I start to become greedy with life again. I decided to disregard my miserable destiny and doom mindset I had curated for myself. I want to face the truth and become my authentic self even if people do judge. I want to stop waiting for the wheel to turn, I want to gather all my courage and turn the wheel myself and become the master of my own fate and the captain of my own soul. You can do it too. The universe had been silent with me for far too long, I asked for guidance, for a message and I received none. I asked them to show me who I am and what my life purpose is, there was no answer. I felt lost and I became passive, just letting life dragged me along. I can no longer sit back and waste away my time anymore. Let’s take control of our lives together, you and I, realise that because we are more than capable of forging our own path and choosing our own directions. We are both so worthy. We are worthy of love and success, worthy to receive love, to give love and becoming successful. I don’t want to be indecisive anymore. I used to believe that my opinions didn’t matter, no one cared. I was also scared of the consequences it would cause. Because decisions can be life altering, it could change the course of my life path, for better or worse. I was scared of that risk so I shifted the accountability and the responsibility to the divine and by doing that, I also shifted my own powers. And my life became really really dissatisfying. I don't want to do that anymore, I want to break the cycle, I want to be empower. Now I learned to respect myself and my decisions. I will respect your decisions too, without judgement. Whatever you will choose, whatever it is regarding, know that I will support you no matter what. You are so worthy of everything, loveable things I want and will give to you and I'm sorry if you and the people around you couldn't give that love to you before. Yours and mine’s journey are mirrored and all those past "could've beens" and missed opportunities taught us enough pain to not let it pass by again. Still, I am so proud of both of us for everything we have to go through.

All the promises I made, in this and last lives, will be kept. The promise that we will protect each other, that we will be safe in each other's arms. No wrong or harm of me turning into a stranger to you and stop loving you. When I know you, I can never stop loving you. If you or me become strangers to each other, I'm certain that I will fall in love with you again and again and again. Because our bond is spiritual, it goes beyond this life time. A stranger we will never be because you are a part of me, a piece of my soul. We will live this life together like we did the last. Although I know this to be true, I am sometime skeptical. I will ask for proof that magic is real, that you are real. But we both know that we have to believe in magic to see it. And I will, I will believe and trust in this connection. I will try my hardest to have faith and believe that it is meant to be. And when we face difficulties, I will make my choices with love. I will make decisions with your heart in mind because "my heart is so full of you I can hardly call it my own". And when the time comes for me to be with you, I would know that my internal fire was guiding me all along just like I had asked. It will be proof that magic is real because my choices eventually lead me here, back to you where I have always belong. Won’t be long until we meet again.

From your biggest supporter,

(Name)

Sorry no channeled song for this pile.

💌

💌 Letter 4 🌹

Sorry I forgot to write down your tarot cards 😥

Dear my love,

Lately, I’m suffering a lot, especially mentally. Things are not doing so well. My dreams turn into nightmares and now all I see are dark visions. I don’t think my future look very bright. Am I destined to fail?. All these fears creeping in every night and they are eating me alive. I feel like everything is against me, all my friends turn into enemies. Slowly, they’re waiting for my downfall. When will these sufferings and struggles end ?. But little by little, through these sufferings, I get a spark of clarity. Especially when my demons come into light and manifested in people around me. I can see how demanding, power hungry and greedy they can be. People around me mirror back what I don’t want to become. When I interact with them, I realised that I am stronger than I thought. If I can deal with these malicious beings, I can deal with anything. I can face hard challenges. With will and determination, I can get through a lot of obstacles. Overthinking and worrying wouldn’t do me any favours. I can learn through these hardships, learn to become more resilient. And every time I have to face those negative thoughts again, I will fight against them. I hope you’d do the same and remember this my love, “the clouds in your confusion comes from your own mind and thus, it can only be taken away by your own mind”. And when you are aware of this, clarity will come. With clear visions, you can learn to ”bend the world to your will”.

Unfortunately, for me, my cycle of self-destruction haven’t end. It is still lace and exacerbate by my environment. When I asked for help and support, it was only met with betrayal and abandonment. All my life, I was left alone. People had abandoned me and now I nearly abandoned myself as well. All these doubts and fears run too deep, they were instilled in me since childhood. People around me have hurt me and now the pain has become unbearable. I couldn’t take the pain and the anxiety anymore. I decided it was best for me to leave and go my own way. I distanced myself from everyone around me. If you are curious about my past, forgive me if I am reluctant to share, it is still hard for me to revisit them. But more importantly, I want to tell you that I have started to work on myself. Controlling those fear-based thoughts. I sit with those thoughts and instead of being consume by them, I entertain them. I try to find and see different perspective to these worries. I ask questions to find the root, to find objectivity because most of these fears are so subjective and self-induced. And someday, I hope, my mind would become my greatest asset instead of my biggest enemy. Slowly, I will learn to do exactly that. I will work through the self-sabotaging thoughts, slowly changing my narrative. To really believe that things are not against me but they are actually working in my favour. And positive mindset will help me build harmonious relationships, with myself, my friends and most importantly, with you.

I want to work on myself because I want to show up as my best for you. I want to be there for myself and stop this cycle of self-abandonment. I want to be brave, strong and confident. To know that one day, I can show up for you and help you fight against those negative forces too. I want to be there for you wholeheartedly. To tell you that you are always supported, by your spirit guides, by the universe and by me. You are never alone. I want to tell you that I am proud of you for fighting with your demons and thank you for when you would help me fight mine too. You have never abandon me and I will never leave you. All the hardships I will fight through it with you. And every time you smile, it only gives me more reasons to fight.

I want to transcend and face whatever life throws at me just to see the light ignited in your eyes again. My dark visions turn bright when now I see that you are a part of my future. You have lend me the stars in your eyes so I can walk through these dark roads, you are so kind. I have never felt a love so powerful. All those pains I’ve been through, when I saw you, I feel like I’ve finally awaken. At last, you brought me light and shifted my world. My world is new and the whole sky light up. You are my light, my sunshine. Through your light, your presence, your being, it is warm and bright. “Everything looks different now that I see you”.

You brought me true love and true happiness. Your name replaced the word “love” in my vocabulary. I can say that I learned so much from you, I learned what true love and true compassion is, it is surely the definition of you.

Your true love,

(Name)

Channeled song from them to you: Found by Zach Webb “I, I found life When I found You”, “All the times that I cried, I know. You were there. Holding me tight”

💌

Thank you so much for stopping by, please do not hesitate to comment and leave a tip if you want. Any constructive criticism is also appreciated. See you on the next pick a card, you can leave any topic suggestions.

Kind regards,

- Dragonflydestiny 🪲

#pick a card #letter from your soulmate #tarot #tarot reading #tarot messages #channeled message #message #love reading #divination #letters #soulmate reading #soulmate #love #spirituality

620 notes · View notes

blueteller · 6 months

Note

Thanks for answering! If I can ask more but what made og!Cale (and also KRS) not like their previous life? And is the novel not still complete?

Of course you can! I'll answer each topic in this order, as it will make the most sense:

the current state of the novel

why OG Cale did not like his previous life

why Kim Rok Soo did not like his previous life

how transmigration happened, and why it was good for both of them

First topic: is the novel complete?

At this moment, the novel is still in the works: more precisely, Part 2 is still in the works. Part 1 of "Trash of the Count's Family" (title from "Eat Apple Pies" English translation; the manhwa title translation is "Lout of the Count's Family" due to convoluted legality reasons) had been been completed in year 2022, with 776 chapters.

While I considered Part 1's ending a satisfying conclusion of the main story arc, it still left a lot of unanswered questions – and I do mean a LOT. It felt less like the end of a book, and more like an end of a season. So Part 2 is really the continuation of the same story.

Between Part 1 and 2, there were additional "extras" published, which were numbered as chapters 777-799. So that when the prologue for Part 2 came out, it was numbered 800, and everything from 801 up was Part 2. Yesterday on Munpia, where I read the novel in Korean (through an automatic translator of course, since I don't know any Korean. Let me tell you, it's a pain...) came out chapter 1006, which makes TCF Part 2 currently 206 chapters long.

The author originally predicted that Part 2 to be 300 chapters long. No one believed that, myself included: because the author is one of those writers who always end up writing much more than they intended, hahaha! I know that feeling well. I'm estimating Part 2 to be at least 500 chapters long by the end it's done, probably around 600.

...I know that the length of this novel might seem unreasonable, but it's really not being stretched for content or money purposes: it's truly Plot all the way through. It's all story. There really is just that much story to tell, and it would not be as satisfying if you cut any of it out.

I admire this writer a lot. TCF is so much fun. I freaking love this novel.

Second topic: why the Original Cale Henituse did not like his life?

We have to go back to the very beginning: the marriage of Count Deruth Henituse, and Jour Thames. (You might have seen the name "Drew" being used sometimes, but it's really just the matter of translation. I'm sticking with "Jour".)

Jour had a very complicated background, but I won't dive into all of that here – what matters is that Jour had a very special power. It was a Wood Ancient Power called "The Annual Rings of Life", and it allowed her to see the "annual rings" of all living things: past, present and future. Meaning she could see the fate of a person, including how many years they had to live.

And when she looked at her young son, Cale, with that power, she saw something very unusual. His "annual rings of life" were "warped". Meaning, he would experience an unusual fate in the future, and in result become a Variable: either a regressor, a transmigrator, or a reincarnator. Or, more than one at once. So she told Cale:

"You are someone who will have an unusual experience with time."

Basically, she saw OG Cale's future fate and realized that the world is going to be in Big Trouble, because gods only make Variables like that happen when something really big and really bad is going down.

Now, it's just my speculation – but on top of it, I think Jour could see her own "annual rings". Meaning, she knew she would die young, and that by the time Cale became a Variable, she would no longer be around. So, knowing all this, she decided she needed to help out as much as she could: she wrote down a journal for "the person who would possess her son's body" in the future.... and commited suicide.

Why? Because it allowed her to split the power in 2 pieces. But that is a much longer story, and we're here to talk about OG Cale.

But it all starts right here: with Jour committing suicide, although no one knew that was the case at the time. All they knew was that Jour went on a short trip to Harris Village for some reason, had a carriage accident on the way back, and then died soon after, despite her injuries not seeming very serious.

That unexpected death devastated both Deruth and Cale, who loved her very much. Deruth was emotionally broken and Cale reminded him much of his dead wife, because they both had red hair and looked very similar. I imagine he started avoiding Cale for that reason, although it wasn't at all mean-spirited: Deruth was simply depressed over his beloved wife. To cope with his broken heart (and possibly to give Cale a new mother figure), he soon chose to remarry rather quickly, to a woman named Violan, who already had a son named Basen. Basen was 3 years younger than Cale.

Basen's existence is the reason why Cale chose to become "trash". You see, while on the outside people thought that Cale was outraged at his father "replacing" his mother so soon, or that he resented Violan... that wasn't the case at all. Cale quickly grew to accept them both as family. However, unlike Jour (who was from a small noble family), Violan was descended from a merchant family. She and her son were not nobility. Because of this, Basen faced discrimination from their relatives, who did not approve of Deruth's second marriage.

Young Cale, seeing Basen insulted and belittled by other nobles, created a plan. He told Basen to lie to everyone that he was Deruth's biological son, and that he was a Henituse by blood. Then he began acting like a completely spoiled brat. He complained, he yelled, he threw things. At the age of 15, he started drinking. He did everything in his power to completely ruin his reputation.

Why? All for Basen, Violan, and later Lily. Because he wanted them to be accepted by noble society. If he, Deruth's firstborn, was removed from succession, that would make Basen the next Count. And then no one would be able to disrespect them.

While it might seem like a crazy plan (and let's be fair: he came up with it as a child), it was actually surprisingly effective. No one saw through his act: not even his butler Ron, who was a trained assassin by trade. Cale's acting abilities were flawless. He played the drunk, spoiled noble with a trash reputation perfectly. Basen was quickly accepted as the heir by the public; although nothing in the family had been formally decided. While this was going on, Deruth did not know why his son was acting like this, but he never really lost faith in him; he probably thought it was all about Jour's death, and Cale would mature in time. It was also said that despite everything, Cale still acted respectfully towards his father, and was distant but still respectful towards his step family. Their family were thus strained, but not broken.

When Kim Rok Soo transmigrated, he was under the impression that OG Cale was deliberately shunned by the rest of the family. But that distance was purely artificial, but OG Cale's own design. When KRS!Cale "stopped" acting distant towards the rest of the family, the Henituses happily embraced the change. They likely thought that he finally allowed himself to heal from Jour's death and move on. That's why no one questioned him about the "change of personality", even though they all noticed it immediately.

Now, we have to talk about the TBOAH ("The Birth of a Hero") timeline. What happened before OG Cale regressed, and transmigrated into KRS's body.

In the TBOAH timeline, when OG Cale was 18, he met Choi Han on a rainy day. OG Cale was "drunk" (actually just pretending to be, as his alcohol torelance was secretly super strong), and Choi Han mentioned being from Harris Village, which had just been all massacred by assassins.

Now OG Cale, full in his "drunk trash noble" personna, probably had his own reasons for provoking Choi Han. He likely thought that getting into a fight would prevent him from getting sent to the Capital for an important celebration, and letting Basen shine. But he also honestly hated Harris Village, which was the place where his mother died. So he insulted the dead villagers to Choi Han's face. Choi Han took it personally and beat him up quite a bit for it. That incident was what inspired KRS!Cale to change the events from the TBOAH timeline, despite his lack of desire to get involved with the "plot of the story".

What exactly happened between this point and OG Cale's transmigration 22 years later is mostly speculation, but we do know some things from the TBOAH timeline thanks to KRS!Cale.

Firstly, soon afterwards Basen went to the Capital, and it was attacked with bombs. Basen either got lucky, got injured, or died in the incident. Whichever actually happened then, Basen certainly could not remain alive for long; 2 years later, the Henituse territory was attacked by the Indomitable Alliance, as their first act of war. We know that the territory was unprepared, and suffered countless casualties. Among them, the entire Henituse family died, except for OG Cale.

So we have a clear order of events for OG Cale in the TBOAH timeline: his happy early childhood, his mother's death at 8, soon followed by his father's second marriage and the appearance of his step family, OG Cale sacrificing his heir position for Basen's sake, a terrible adolescence focused entirely on ruining his own reputation and acoholism (the latter which followed him into adulthood, and no wonder), and finally losing his home and his entire family at the age of 20.

Not to mention, the 20 years of war which followed afterwards. The TBOAH timeline sucked for absolutely everyone.

When soldier Cale was 40, during the "final battle" of all the allied forces against their enemy, he got trapped under his allies' corpses. As he laid there, he witnessed Choi Han facing the White Star, the mysterious enemy leader. OG Cale saw as White Star suddenly grabbed Choi Han and declared:

"Time is warped oddly for you."

The words made him recall what Jour told him years ago. In that moment, OG Cale realized: the White Star had his mother's power. Then the White Star shoot a stream of fire at OG Cale, intending to casually finish him off.

...but OG Cale did not die, because at that exact moment, the God of Death offered him a deal.

What kind of deal? And why? Let's get back to that in a bit.

Third topic: why Kim Rok Soo did not like his life?

First of all: from the very beginning, KRS was screwed. Why? Because he was born with a curse.

What curse? And why? I'll get back to that bit later, too. But what matters is: it was a curse of bad luck, which made KRS loose every single person he cared about sooner or later.

KRS started off not too differently from OG Cale – he wasn't a noble, but he had two loving parents. However, a tragedy struck early on, and both died in a car accident. As a young boy, KRS got adopted by a distant relative named Kim Seung Jong, his uncle.

KRS's uncle, who turned out to be a gambling addict and an alcoholic. He took KRS in only to use what little money his parents left for him, starving and abusing him. Eventually, KRS ran away.

What happened to him shortly afterwards is a bit unclear. It's possible he lived on the streets for a bit. But eventually, he had to have landed in an orphanage, because he went to high school like a normal teenager with an ordinary life.

...Except that one incident with some evil dimension travellers noticing his curse, mistaking it for something else, and trying to kill KRS. And also someone else using him as live bait. But hey, KRS got his memory erased afterwards, so it's not like the trauma of those events affected him or anything, right?? :')

Soooo anyway, all was going well for KRS. At the age of 20, he got into a university and had a part time job as a waiter. All was good!

...Except then the Monster Invasion started. That's right! You read it right! You thought KRS was from a normal modern Korea?? SIKE, he was from a post-apocalyptic world all along!! KRS spent 3 days under building debris, drinking rain water and slowly starving, until he was rescued by a young hero named Lee Soo Hyuk. LSH lead KRS into a nearby Shelter – a place with supernatural properties which were immune to monster attacks – and left. All was good!! ...Except then the leader of the Shelter turned out to be a huge jerk and started bossing KRS around and beat him up on occassion. Luckily, the Shelters failed 10 months later and everybody at the Shelter died, including that jerk!! ....Wait.

So KRS survived not just one, but 2 incidents where everybody around him died. But that's ok, because he joined the organization lead by LSH and another cool dude named Choi Jung Soo. Sure, they risked their lives every day by fighting monsters and rescuing people and fighting organized crime on the side – but hey, at least KRS had friends now, for the first time in his life! So that's good, right?

....Except, several years later – around time when KRS was 26 – a super powerful monster called an Unranked Monster killed everyone in KRS's team. But it was fine! Totally fine! He just survived everybody dying around him for the 3rd time in his life, and everybody kept talking about him behind his back how he's an unfeeling bastard because he's unable to cry anymore... but who cares! KRS became Team Leader now, and he was determined to have zero casualties from now on.

That's right! ZERO. CASUALTIES. Because he's the most stubborn person alive, and also insane. So of course, he managed to actually pull it off.

So KRS spent the next 10 years being an absolute bada**, taking down mob bosses, fighting monsters and keeping all his team members alive, but also keeping distant from everybody and not having any friends because hey – if you notice a suspicious pattern of all your friends either vanishing or dying since you were a kid, you'd probably stop trying to make friends too.

36-year-old KRS was totally fine, and emotionally stable, and absolutely-not-at-all traumatized by all the deaths he's witnessed so many times. Just like OG Cale was probably-not-at-all traumatized by how his entire family died, or the next 20 years of war witnessing people brutally dying everywhere and an evil overlord taking over the world. They were both totally fine, I assure you!!

...Anyway, what was that 4th topic again??

Fourth topic: how and why the transmigration happened, and why was it good for both of them?

Right, let's start with OG Cale's deal.

The God of Death is able to make deals with people in life threatening situations. When the White Star attacked OG Cale, it allowed the God of Death to offer him to regress back in time and then switch places with one Kim Rok Soo. But why OG Cale? Obviously KRS had the qualifications to avert the events of the TBOAH timeline and the End of the World, being an experienced leader of an apocalyptic world – but what made OG Cale so special?

Well, there could be several reasons. One of which was how despite all their differences, their lives were similar in many ways. Both OG Cale and KRS lost family when they were young, experienced rejection from society, and had military experience. Not to mention the acting skills. OG Cale was able to successfully take over KRS's job, and that was no easy feat. KRS's team noticed the change of course, but they were much more happy about their totally-not-depressed-and-potentially-suicidal Team Leader was finally starting to open up, than the fact that he apparently went "crazy" one day and decided he suddenly liked alcohol now.

Another reason, perhaps, was how OG Cale's mom had the Annual Rings of Life power. It was quite important for defeating the White Star, and the way Jour set it up, only her son – or at least, the person in her son's body – would be able to find the Ancient Power; specifically the part which was able to see fate, aka. the future. The White Star got his hands on the "weaker" half of the Annual Rings, so he was only able to see the past: which saved OG Cale, as during the confrontation where the White Star tried to kill him, he wasn't able to recognize him as a future regressor & transmigrator.

...There's also Jour's Thames heritage, but that's a a whooole other topic. (Also the possible connection between Cale Barrow's last body and the Thames, but that's just a theory right now so it doesn't really matter.)

So, that covers the part of "why OG Cale". What about KRS? He couldn't be the only person capable of defeating a final boss like the White Star, right?

Well, remember how I mentioned that KRS was cursed since birth? Well, turns out that it was all the White Star's fault! Apparently KRS was meant to be born in the fantasy TCF world. Except the White Star was a reincarnator, who reincarnated using an ancient curse. To be reborn, the White Star stole bodies from other people, like KRS. Those unfortunate souls would then pass on and reincarnate in a different dimension, except bearing a part of the very same curse. The curse which makes sure that "you can never cherish anyone ever again". While the curse was weaker in the victims of the White Star than the guy himself, it still affected people like KRS. Because the God of Death was the one who originally created the curse, he felt really guilty about it. He tried to remove it from KRS, but was unable to.

...until the transmigration, that is! So, part of the reason why KRS was chosen for the transmigration (or rather, to be the "victim" of OG Cale's own transmigration) was that it allowed the God of Death remove the curse from him. Which allowed him to FINALLY make friends and be happy.

OG Cale, in return for this deal, got: a time regression which saves his family and the entire world, the truth behind his mother's death, a new environment to live in unrelated to his traumas where he could heal, and most importantly, a young reincarnation of his birth mother, whom he got to adopt as an uncle.

KRS, on the other hand, got: a blood family that cares about him, a free luxurious lifestyle with lack of responsibilities, new environment to live in unrelated to his traumas where he could heal, a detailed guide about closest future tragedies to prevent, and most importantly, a life free of the curse he unknowingly suffered from his entire life and the ability to keep all his new family and friends close to him.

....Phew. I hope you don't mind my explanation being so long.

To sum it all up:

the novel has two parts, Part 1 is finished, Part 2 is in progress

OG Cale lived in a lie and then through a war and got to start over

KRS lived through constant suffering and trauma and got to start over

their positions in life made it perfect for a transmigration switch with no loose ends

I hope this explanation helped!

#tcf #trash of the count's family #lcf #lout of the count's family #q&a #replies #tcf meta #transmigration #cale henituse #cale #tcf cale #kim rok soo #og cale #og cale henituse #original cale henituse #the transmigration was the best thing which happened to either of them #i loathe the god of death but at least he did one thing right

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headintheclouds-posts · 11 months

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Scenario: After being in love with your close friend Felix for years, you have finally decided to give up on the idea of him reciprocating your feelings, that is until this one rainy night.

A/N: Angsty, suggestive, swearing, cold Felix & female reader.

Should I do a part 2? 😏

The cold air encased your body and the droplets of rain clung to your eyelashes, but at this point you were too tired to care.

Another long day at work, another long day of pretending you’re ok…another long day trying to not think of him.

You had been friends with Felix for years, you met through friends and at the time you weren’t aware of his success as an idol. You both hit it off straight away and quickly started to spend more and more time hanging out together and as wonderful as those memories are, it was also the start of a one-sided love that has rotted your brain and crippled your heart ever since.

Many times, you thought of telling him. You lay in bed thinking of all the possible outcomes but all of them ended with him not reciprocating your feelings. I mean, why would he? He was one of the hottest idols right now, he has attractive people throwing themselves at him constantly, so why would he want you…why?

So, after all this time you started to evaluate your time together, the nights you would run to him because he needed you, the way you took care of him, listened to his problems and helped in any way you could, and you came to the conclusion that if something was going to happen it would of happened by now. You were just his crutch and that was never going to change.

Sometimes you must make painful decisions to heal and for you, distancing yourself was the best option. You didn’t just cut him out altogether, you wouldn’t do that to him, but the late-night phone calls became less and less, as did the coffee dates where you would sit and listen to his latest girl problems whilst trying to keep on a brave face.

It was too difficult, too hard to pretend you didn’t care, for you he would be the end game and that’s what made it all the more difficult, to stand in front of your future and realise that it will never come to fruition.

You finally get home and take your tired body to the shower, washing another day of heartsickness from your skin. You change into some comfortable clothes and drag your body to the mattress, throwing yourself down and letting the soft sheets caress your frame.

The phone on your bedside table lights up, causing you to lazily lift it and look at the screen. Another missed phone call from him, this would be your 4th tonight. Why though? Why, when he has girls throwing themselves at him and the group by his side would he need to speak to you. It’s been weeks since you decided to step back but he continued to call you and text you most of the night, pushing you to almost breaking point. However, you needed to stand strong, not allow your feelings for him to take over, so you place the phone back on the worktop and eventually fall asleep.

Several hours have passed since you fell asleep you wake up suddenly to a loud banging noise, reverberating through the apartment. At first you think it’s the thunderstorm from outside, raging against your window, but then you realise the noise was coming from the front of your home. You groggily approach the front door and peer through the keyhole to see who could be banging so late…Felix.

Why? For fucks sake why? … it makes absolutely no sense that he would be here. Maybe it’s a control thing but I’m sure he can find another gullible person to take your spot, because that’s no longer your role you think to yourself before opening the door to him.

"Felix is 3am, what are...?" before you even get to finish your sentence he has pushed his way through the threshold to your home and has you backed up against the nearest wall.

"Ww...wha...what are you doing?" you manage to choke out, unable to look him in the eyes.

Gosh he looked good; you curse your mind for even thinking it at a time like this but his dark expression and sharp features caused your stomach to do a flip.

Felix rests both his arms either side of you on the wall behind you, caging you in.

His face is extremely close, too close in fact and it fills your mind with thoughts you're trying to suppress, like how you could easily count the freckles that stippled his skin.

"Want to explain why you've been distant?" he asks, cocking his head to the side and raising an eyebrow.

FUCK!

What do you even do.... I guess it’s time to just rip the plaster off. Pushing him away is the best thing to do right now, isn't it?

"Felix, I don't have time for this, I need to get some sleep" you say as you slide under his arm to break free. Before you even get a chance to escape, his hand grabs your wrist pulling you back towards him.

His hands find your shoulders and he lightly shakes you, attempting to get the response he needs.

"Tell me what's going on, why have you just cut me out?"

"I am just busy at the moment Felix, I didn't think you would notice so I didn't see the point in saying anything", your voice quivered slightly at your lie. If you were going to do this, if you were going to lose him from your life for the good of your heart, you wanted to at least do it on your own terms and save yourself the embarrassment of rejection.

An annoyed smirk played on his lips as he removes one of his hands and places it in his pocket.

"Why the fuck would you think like that?" he asked in a low voice, eyes beaming down on your face.

"Well...because you have loads of friends Felix, it doesn't make much difference if one is missing".

His face is now inches away from yours, anger flaring in his eyes at your words.

"You're right, it doesn't make much difference if one person is missing...it does however make a difference when you're the one that is missing".

You don't even think before you spit out your next words, frustration and hurt laced within them.

"Of course, it all makes sense now. You haven't had the person who accommodates to your every need, the person who runs to you whenever you need something. Well I can't do it anymore Lix, so find some other girl, I know you're not short on fans".

Your eyes are filling with tears but you don't do anything to stop them, you just push Felix's hand from your shoulder and take a step back.

He turns his back to you and stands for a moment, seemingly lost in thought and then slowly lets out a low, sexy laugh. He turns back to you and walks confidently in your direction, a devilish smile tugging at his lips.

"I am going to blame the fact you're tired as the reason you're acting fucking dumb right now y/n", he growls before sliding his hands down the back of your legs and skilfully lifting you up so your legs are wrapped around his waist. You don't even know how he did it, but your body is reacting to his and you find your hands have wrapped themselves around his neck too. Felix uses the wall again to press you up against it, lips mere inches away from yours.

"Because you really must be dumb to not realise how long I have wanted you".

Your eyes widen as you look down at him, feeling the closeness between you.

“What are you talking about”? you whisper, afraid to hear your own voice.

"Wow, you really didn't know?" he asks to which you shake your head in response.

"Then let me show you"...

He slowly lowers you down so your faces meet. He lets go of one of the hands holding your legs and brings it to your cheek before closing the gap between you.

Finally his lips meet yours, causing a tingling sensation to run throughout your body. All of your senses set alive in just one moment. The kiss started soft and light, but slowly grew more heated as he nipped against your bottom lip, causing you to moan lightly in his mouth. You can't help the way your body is reacting, pulling his closer and closer, trying to become one with him. Every fibre of your body feels like its been set alight, like the fizzling lit string to a bomb ready to explode.

Felix manages to pull you away for a second, his thumb tracing against your skin and his eyes flickering from your beautiful orbs, back to your swollen lips.

"I have fucking loved you from the moment we met, there never was anyone else y/n. I haven't been with any other girls, though I lied and said I did...I think I was trying to get a reaction from you or maybe I was trying to convince myself it didn't hurt...but the truth is that its only you that lives in my heart and these past weeks without you has been unbearable". You can see his eyes well up with each word he says.

"I am sorry Lix, I didn't think you felt the same as me" you respond, eyes also filling from the words you always wanted to hear.

"I think I have alot more to prove to you, don't you think"? he smiles, wiping away your tears before removing his own.

"I think you should start now" you say, pulling him back in and finding his lips once again.

He wastes no time carrying you to the bedroom, clothes being removed and discarded on the way.

You knew before you even started that he was about to show you everything he felt, but nothing could truly prepare you for the night of pleasure and love that lay ahead.

Should I do a smutty part 2?? ;) Let me know if you want to be tagged ♥️

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