#but please just remember there is a person at the heart of all this

[lipringlrh]

HE DOESN’T WANT ME WHEN HE’S SOBER PART 2 (LANDO ENDING)

read: part one | logan ending

summary: lando’s your best friend but seems to like you when he’s drunk. but then again, he seems to like everyone when he’s drunk.

pairing: lando norris x gn!reader

wc: 1.8k

Lando wouldn’t admit it to anyone but that night was the worst sleep he’d ever had. He left as soon as he found out you’d left with Lily and Alex, and made his way to your house just to find out you weren’t there. He messaged Alex to get no response and contemplated waiting outside your door until you came back, whether it be days or months, he’d wait for you. But, after almost falling asleep numerous times and getting laughed at by a group of teenagers, he made his way back to his apartment, knowing you’d be looked after.

He was awake almost all night, messaging and calling you and regretting everything in its entirety. He didn’t fully know if you had even seen him kiss the person that resembled you, he only felt it deep down, but even if you hadn’t, he shouldn’t have done it, and he could never apologise enough. He thought of how to explain his thoughts but nothing would suffice; nothing would ever be able to explain how he felt.

At some point in the early hours, he finally drifted off, but awoke not much later to an aggressive banging on his door and a voice screaming at him to hurry up. He wished the voice was you but it wasn’t and he hated it. He rushed to his door, barely having time to pull on some grey joggers before opening it to an angry Alex, very close to breaking the door down.

“Are you stupid?” Alex questioned, fuming, pushing his way into Lando’s house, “I know that you’re in love with her so what are you doing?”

Lando looked like a deer in headlights. He couldn’t explain his actions, he didn’t even want to think about them. All he remembered feeling was grief at watching you walk away, so when he found someone that looked eerily similar, he took the chance to kiss them and create the image in his mind of kissing you. It didn’t last long. He realised too quickly that they didn’t smell like you and the way they kissed wasn’t the same. He hated it, he didn’t want to kiss anyone but you.

“I know, I didn’t mean to-”

“What, you just tripped into her mouth then?” Alex questioned, pushing a finger against Lando’s chest.

“No- no. I don’t know why I did, I really love them I promise. We almost kissed but then they walked away, I was hurt, I didn’t think they wanted me,” Lando almost cried, his voice cracking.

“You do this every time you go out. You kiss her every time you go out and she follows, you don’t get to pull that card. You might be upset but I promise you’re not even feeling half of it,” Alex spat, not caring if he hurt Lando because he hurt you much more.

“Help me apologise. I need to apologise, please Alex, please help,” Lando begged, wanting you to more than anything, “Please Alex, I’ll do anything.”

Alex sighed. At that moment, he hated Lando for what he did, but he’d been wishing for you both to get together since he first saw you both together, making heart eyes at each other. He contemplated in his head whether to help or not. He always envisioned you together but always wanted what's best for you and right now he couldn’t tell if that was Lando or not. But looking at the state of him, red, wet eyes, begging for his help, he wanted to believe Lando regretted everything and would do anything to prove he loved you.

“Okay, but I’m not letting you be forgiven easily, I want you to prove it,” Alex sighed, running his hands over his face. A feeling of simultaneous relief and guilt eating him alive.

Lando promised Alex over and over again, and in between each syllable, promising himself also that he would give you the world in apologies, and whatever happened he deserved it, but even if there was the slimmest chance you could forgive him, Lando would take it and cherish it.

Alex messaged you and you told him it was fine to bring Lando over, as long as he didn’t expect much, and so they turned up less than five minutes later. Alex left you both alone in the kitchen to sit with Lily in the living room after repeating countless times he was a shout away.

You almost broke down just seeing him but managed to keep it in. You didn’t want him to explain, you didn’t care to hear it at the moment, but as soon as Alex left he began spilling out apologies and trying to explain himself, which you quickly shut up.

“I want some space,” you sighed. You wanted Lando close but you wanted everything you felt for him gone first. You couldn’t believe he ever felt the same, not after that.

“Of course, I understand,” his voice broke as he stepped back, trying to show you he would do anything you said.

“Not like that, Lando. I mean it, I don’t think I can see you for a while.”

“Oh-” he said, “When can I see you again?”

“I’m not sure, I’m sorry-”

“Don’t be, this is my fault,” he sighed, clearly upset and looking at the ground, “I’ll go, I’ll see you soon.”

After he left, you broke down crying, debating your decision on if you handled it right. You already missed him, and still loved him, but you also didn’t want to see him. Alex explained the whole morning, and his perspective, giving you hope you could fix it with Lando, especially after Alex’s approval, which you trusted more than anything.

The next few times you saw him were at hangouts with your shared friends. You knew he’d be there as none of your friends would invite him unless you were completely sure you didn’t mind him there. He stayed away, but didn’t make it awkward to the people around you, and always gave you a shy smile when you caught his eye.

He didn’t try to text or call again, despite wanting to more than anything, and instead waited for you to make the first move whenever you were ready. You had missed him more than anything, in both an “I love him” and “he’s my best friend” way, and it was killing you from being away from him, especially after how well he listened to your instructions.

You were at a mutual friend's get-together, a small barbecue in a back garden when you decided it was time. You had been debating texting him but after seeing him, you decided you couldn’t wait.

He was standing alone in a corner beside a flower patch and some grass, drink in hand, and surveying everyone that was there when you walked over. He didn’t know how to greet you and so awkwardly moved his hands between going for a hug or a handshake. You laughed and hugged him, both of you holding on tightly, unhappy to let go.

“I’ve missed you,” you whispered gently, looking down and playing with your fingers, slightly nervous to admit it to him after all this time.

“I’ve missed you too,” he grins, adding on, “So much,” with a quiet whisper.

“How’ve you been?” you asked, trying to make small talk before delving right in.

“Okay, I’ve not really done much. Races have been okay.”

“I saw,” you smiled, “You’ve done really well.”

“You watched?” he questioned, a little surprised. You met his eyes and nodded, explaining how you could never miss one.

“Do you want to talk inside?” you asked, heart pounding as you said it. He nodded immediately, without hesitation, and followed you in through the double glass doors into the kitchen, but only after picking out a daisy from the grass next to him and offering it out to you, causing both of you to grin.

He closed the doors behind you both, blocking out as much other noise as possible, ready for you to begin. “I want to know how you feel about this and about me,” you started, voice shaky.

“I’m sorry, I’m still so sorry. I love you and I want what’s best for you and I can’t even find an excuse, I was being stupid and thinking how you’d never want me. It was all nothing, you’re the only person that’s ever meant anything, I’m so sorry. I will do anything to fix this- anything.”

“Lan,” you let out a breath, “You still want me?”

“More than anything,” he grinned and you stepped forward to reach him, locking your arms around his neck.

Your fingers tangled themselves in his hair as you pull his face down until his lips are almost touching yours. He was smiling so much you thought it might be impossible to kiss him but you pulled him into you anyway, finally kissing him again.

“Stop smiling,” you laughed, pulling away to say it before immediately kissing him again.

“What? Can I not be happy? I’m getting my girl back,” he pulled away, grinning harder, then trying to drag you back in, which was almost successful until you pulled away at the last second.

“I can barely kiss you like this and I’d really, really like to,” you giggled, tugging him back again to enjoy another impatient kiss.

Your hands were running all over his head, completely ruining his hair, but he didn’t care. His hands were wrapped around your waist, holding you impossibly close. When you finally parted he still kept you close, resting his forehead on yours.

“Are you sure you want this?” he questioned, his breath still heavy.

You kissed his cheek and looked straight into his eyes, “More than anything, I promise,” you paused for a moment, “But you’re going to have to grovel to repay all the lost time we’ve had.”

“I’m going to prove to you that I’m all in, that I want this more than I could possibly explain,” Lando promised, meaning every word. He was already planning out exactly what he wanted to do - he knew he had to work to become your official boyfriend, but he would do everything possible for you.

You just stared at him, showcasing the biggest smile you’ve ever had, eyes full of love, knowing you weren’t ever going to let each other go or even risk it again.

“God I love you,” he grinned, ignoring the fact he still hadn’t caught his breath and pulling you into another, more intimate, kiss.

taglist in reblogs

#lando norris x reader #lando norris fluff #lando norris angst #f1 x reader #lando norris smut #f1 fluff #f1 angst #lando norris blurb #lando norris f1 #lando norris fanfic #lando norris imagine #lando x reader #lando imagine #lando norris x y/n #lando norris #lando norris x you #formula one #f1 #f1 smut #f1 imagine #formula 1 #charles leclerc x reader #max verstappen x reader #f1 x you #f1 x y/n #lando norris x gn!reader #formula one angst #formula 1 x y/n #formula 1 angst #formula one x reader

[ckhaine]

O1, intro: montréal | montréal

ᝰ playing montreal by the weeknd. pairing badboy!jk x afab reader genres best friends + fluff angst smut

( intro ) montréal﹕where you and your best friend want to help each other, but don't want to accept it, leading to complications, hurt and a strong sexual desire.

ch. content MATURE, vulgar language, suggestive speech, the beginning of their friendship which takes place in high school, namjoon cameo, degradation, mention of alcoholism, weed, a small argument between jk n joon, daddy issues, usage of weed while being underage ...

may contain some grammar mistakes, please ignore them!

send your thoughts · montréal mlist

> hello, first chapter to montréal, are we excited? would love to know your thoughts. have fun reading this mess, love you!

“… But, common sense, why would I give someone weed for free all ‘cause we have a mutual friend, y’know what I mean? I don’t even know them yet they're talking like we’re all cool. Like, seriously man!” Christian blabbers to Jungkook, using an unnecessary amount of hand gestures.

The words go through one of his ears and right out the other.

Jungkook’s too busy gawking at the beautiful girl two desks away from him, watching you lean to the side to grab something out of your black bag, plump tits tight within the white blouse required for the school uniform, looking like the buttons are close to busting.

Christian nudges his arm, raising a brow. “Hey, do you even hear me?” He frowns, earning a heart-breaking, neglectful wave from Jungkook who  brushes him off. “Yeah, no, I agree—the prices are stupid ass hell. Look, I’ma catch y’later, see ya!”

Just like that, he flies out of his chair, leaving his friend sitting all by himself. Jungkook walks towards your desk, clearly his throat and adjusting the tie hanging loose around his neck.

Two large hands are placed on your desk, and you see a tall boy looking down at you.

“Hey, uhhh, think ‘m your partner in science, no? Didn’t know we had a few of the same classes.” You turn your head at the sound of his voice, and Jungkook can feel his heart beating against his rib cage, a bright grin on his lips.

He’s handsome, sucks you didn’t check him out earlier. Taking in his appearance, his messed yet neat slicked-back hair. His white button-up that imprints his defined torso, the black pants paired with simple black shoes.

As if that wasn’t enough, Jungkook has a few, small moles on his face, and one at the side of his neck that you’d love to kiss. Eyes round and dark, lips thin and smooth. Hands mannish while the prominent veins travel up his arms which makes you pray you’re not leaking onto your seat.

“No, no. I remember you.” You chuckle. “Jungkook, right?” You ask, watching him nod as you hum softly. “Nice. What’s up, need something?”

“Nah, I don’t need nothin’, kinda wanted to talk a little … ‘bout the work, that is. You busy?” He asks, slightly tilting his head to the side in question, lips puckered cutely.

Jesus, he’s perfect.

You shrug, “No, we can talk. ‘M finished my assignments for this class, anyway.”

Fuck, you’re smart too.

+

“Yo, Kook. Who’s that girl you been talking to?” Namjoon grins, a laugh from Christian coming from his side. “Walked past her and lemme tell you, she’s a fuckin’ angel.” He continues.

Jungkook rolls his eyes before glancing both ways in case of a teacher, bringing a joint between his lips once the coast is clear.

He shakes his head, sighing while letting out a light cough. “Yeah? I don’t know, she’s…” Jungkook trails off, chuckling. “She’s beautiful, yeah, but I’on wanna get too close to her,” Jungkook explains yet his brain lags at his own words.

“I don’t wanna care ‘bout her—like, I don’t want her involved in my personal life. If I’m able to avoid her knowing that this is how, more like who I am… that’s what I’ll have t’do.” He sighs, a hand gesturing to himself.

Christian breathes out a cloud of tobacco smoke, raising a brow at his friend. “Why, though? You really think she’d judge you for all of this? I mean, It’s weed, so what?” He asks.

Jungkook shrugs with a light shake of his head. “Drugs,” Jungkook adds. “I don’t see why she wouldn’t. She seems pure ‘n whatever, would probably distance herself from me.”

“Doesn’t mean she is, man,” Namjoon pitches in. Jungkook’s already uninterested. “Haven’t you seen the way she carries herself? Like a lil’ slut but she plays like an angel. She gets along with everyone.” He scoffs.

“Fuck’s she done to you? You’re always sour when one of us got a girl ‘n you don’t, tsk.” Jungkook spits before walking away, leaving Namjoon and Christian looking like a specific duo.

Dumb and dumber.

+

Within a few weeks, you and Jungkook grew closer. He’d be at your house, sometimes sneaking through your window late at night for so-claimed “studying” yet it turned into rambles and convos which made you adore him more and more.

You got to know more about him, like the childhood he’d lived and it hit awfully close to home. Drunk parents, favouritism, a horrible start to depression—you name it. Though it felt embarrassing to admit or to talk about, Jungkook made you comfortable while he soothed your worries and, well, related.

“… I mean, damn, all I do is depend on pills and cigs—weed, too.” You laugh, watching his eyes twinkle with a soft light, perfectly mirroring a dark night with stars. “I’m sorry, weed? Pills? Cigs?” He asks, thick brows scrunched together.

“Yeah, what’s wrong with that?” You pout, “don’t you smoke too?”

Jungkook thickly swallows, muffling out a throaty chuckle as he nods. “Shit, yeah. Wanna tell me how y’figured that out? Was it that obvious?” He asks, accidentally stacking up questions, curiosity and a bit of defeat seeping into his tone.

You look at him like he’s dense, features falling as your laugh dies. “Are you serious? It’s so apparent on your clothes; makes me confused how the fuck your parents never commented on it… well, so you say.” You state in a duh tone, watching his eyes widen and go rounder than they already were. “I—yeah, they never did.” He sighs.

“I mean, shit, why would they care? My dad was the one who introduced me to weed, said it was a “father and son” bonding time when I was younger,” Jungkook states casually; like it was the most normal thing to humankind.

“I’m sorry—retreat. You said your father did what?” You blurt out, eyes wide and potent with crisis.

© ckhaine 2024.

#ckhaine 𓃭 #jeon jungkook #jungkook x reader #jungkook fic #jungkook fanfic #jungkook imagine #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #jungkook smut

[natsukishinomiyaswife]

⋆ 𝓢𝓲𝓵𝓿𝓮𝓻: 𝓣𝓻𝓾𝓮 𝓛𝓸𝓿𝓮'𝓼 𝓟𝓲𝓬𝓷𝓲𝓬 ⋆

Please note: This is a repost from my old blog, @sugarcookiesheep!

A story where the Diasomnia family has a picnic every week, and try to play matchmaker for you and Silver by giving excuses saying they can't attend until it's just the two of you ♡

⋆ Every week Lilia, Sebek, Silver, and Malleus get together to have a picnic. They all bring something, whether homemade or store bought, and spend time catching up with each other. It’s a time where they can relax and simply enjoy each other’s company, briefly setting their duties and responsibilities to the side. They have their picnics in the woods, near the river or in an open area among the trees. Silver had mentioned the picnics to you in the past but Lilia was the one who extended the invitation, inviting you to the next picnic they were to have.

⋆ You still remember your first picnic with them fondly, meeting up with them as they entered the woods. The sun was out and shining, a pleasant breeze making it the perfect weather for a picnic. Silver and Sebek set out the blanket, you and Lilia setting out the food while Malleus set out the plates and utensils. Sebek went to stop him, saying how it’s his (and Silver’s) duty to serve him, before realizing too late that Malleus had already finished setting everything out. Malleus looked at Sebek with amusement as he proceeded to apologize, Silver shaking his head while Lilia laughed to himself. Once Malleus assured Sebek it was alright everyone sat down and began to eat, with you sitting across from Silver.

⋆ You decided to make something simple and made sandwiches, each one a different kind in case of preferences. Malleus brought along a tea set, making tea for everyone using his magic. Silver planned to make something but was unable to due to falling asleep, being woken up by Lilia so he wouldn’t miss the picnic. Sebek too planned on making something but his attempt at cooking didn’t work out. He instead bought a tray with various fruits, meats, and cheeses for everyone to enjoy. Lilia couldn’t pass up the opportunity to cook for everyone so he made something as well, though you were unsure as to what it was. You did your best to be polite and to avoid eating it, Silver helping you out by distracting Lilia whenever he asked you to try some.

⋆ You and Silver spent a majority of the picnic talking to one another, Silver complimenting you on the sandwiches you made. At one point he leaned over towards you, his face close to yours as he picked a stray leaf out of your hair. You held eye contact for a moment before he leaned away, your heart racing as you watched him go back to eating. Little did you know, Silver focused on his food to distract himself from his own racing heart, both of you unaware of the eyes watching you.

⋆ The next picnic you attended was held in the morning, after some light rain had stopped. The weather was going to be bad later in the day but they didn’t want to cancel their picnic, instead settling for having it in the morning. As you went to the meeting spot you were surprised to find that Sebek wasn’t with them, Lilia explaining that due to personal issues he wouldn’t be attending the picnics for a while. You were shocked that Sebek would give up the opportunity to spend time with everyone (Malleus) but didn’t want to pry, knowing it was a personal matter. After everything was set up you all began to eat and talk, laughing in between bites of food. Occasionally you would look towards the sky, noticing how it slowly grew darker as storm clouds began to appear. Lilia noticed as well, beginning to pack things up before everyone followed his lead.

⋆ Right as you were finishing cleaning up it began to rain, light drops at first before quickly growing into a heavy downpour. Silver places his jacket over your head, covering you as best he can. As you look towards him, eyes wide and heart pounding, he explains how he doesn’t want you to get sick. You thank him, feeling warm as you pull the jacket more over yourself. It smells just like him and fresh rain water, relaxing you and making you feel safe. He kept you close, making sure you wouldn’t slip as everyone left the woods. It wasn’t until you got home that you realized you forgot to give Silver his jacket back, silently grateful when he says you can keep it the next time you see him. When Lilia asks Silver where his jacket is, he explains how he gave it to you, wanting to protect you from the elements. Lilia jokes that you wearing his jacket means that he’ll always be with you, and Silver can’t help how his heart races at the thought.

⋆ The following picnic is held late afternoon, the air getting colder as the sun will set soon. You wear Silver’s jacket, meeting up with them at the usual spot. As you helped set everything up you looked around and realized that Malleus wasn’t there, already knowing that Sebek won’t be attending for a while. Lilia saw the confusion on your face and before you could ask he explained how Malleus was needed in Briar Valley and couldn’t attend the picnic, and depending on how serious the matter is he won’t be coming to the next one either. You couldn’t help but worry at his words, noticing Silver was unaware of the situation as well. Lilia shook his head and assured you both that Malleus will be fine, and that there’s nothing to worry about. You could tell Silver wanted to know more but refrained himself from asking, trusting his father.

⋆ You ate in amicable silence, every once in a while someone sharing a joke or story. Some of Silver’s forest friends came to join you this time, birds and squirrels gathering near him. There was even a fawn in the distance, wanting to join but deciding to watch from afar instead. You feed the squirrels with Silver, a bird resting on his shoulder while another sat in his lap. Focused on the animals you didn’t even notice the sun beginning to set until Lilia pointed it out, the sky having turned to a lovely orange and pink. You watch, entranced by the sunset as you talk about how pretty it is. You look at Silver, wanting to know his thoughts before realizing he’s been staring at you this whole time. You can’t help but stare back, his face glowing in the warm colors from the sunset. Your heart pounds as you ask him what he thinks of the sunset, his eyes never leaving you as he says it’s beautiful before looking towards the sky. You continue to stare at him, your mind a mess as you wonder if he was talking about the sunset or about you. You think about it the rest of the day.

⋆ As you think about what to bring for the next picnic you realize that it’s going to be held on Valentine’s day, growing warm at the thought of spending the day with Silver. Even if other people would be there, you can’t help the excitement you feel at spending Valentine’s day with him. For the holiday you decided to make something special and made Silver’s favorite food of mushroom risotto, bringing along some tomato juice for Lilia. Right as you were getting ready to leave you get a text from Lilia saying the picnic has been rescheduled to later on tonight, surprised by how late they want to have it. By the time you get to the woods the sun has already set, stars beginning to show as the sky grew dark.

⋆ You come to the meeting spot to find only Silver waiting for you, dressed in nicer clothes than usual. He looks at you before looking away, explaining that Lilia told him at the last minute that he wouldn’t be able to come. He tells you that he already set everything up before leading you to the picnic, sitting in a more open area under the starry night sky. Your breath catches as you notice the vase filled with flowers sitting in the middle of the blanket, your favorite foods laid out. Silver takes your hand, looking towards you as he explains what Lilia told him about Valentine’s day. He tells you that he wouldn’t want to spend it with anyone but you, and asks if you’ll give him the honor of being his Valentine. It was all so romantic, like something out of a dream or a movie. You stare at him for a moment, feeling like you could cry as you tell him yes, wrapping your arms around him in a loving embrace. 

⋆ The date couldn’t have been more perfect, you and Silver enjoying each other’s company as you ate. He loved the mushroom risotto you made him, complimenting you and your cooking as he ate it all. Your favorite foods were delicious as well, Silver explaining how he got help making them ( and made sure his father didn’t try to help). After you got done eating you laid down side by side on the blanket, looking up at the stars as you talked. Silver hesitantly grabs your hand, holding it between you both as you laid there. The last thing he sees before falling asleep is your face, drifting off to the sound of your voice. You follow shortly after him, falling asleep as you hold his hand back, not wanting to let go. When you wake up the sun is rising, Silver sleeping soundly beside you. He wakes up to you leaning over him, giving him a kiss on his forehead as you wish him a good morning. He can’t help but stare up at you, thinking he must still be dreaming as he wishes you good morning, pulling you down into a gentle kiss ♡

Originally posted: December 9th, 2023

𝓣𝓱𝓪𝓷𝓴 𝔂𝓸𝓾! ♡

#♡.sheep writes #♡.twst #♡.silver #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #silver #silver vanrouge #twst silver #silver vanrouge x reader #silver x reader

[calaisreno]

Classified

It’s Schrödinger’s wedding. 

1952 Words / Prompt: Jealousy

We’re sitting among the boxes of invitations, the venue’s brochures, and several dozen napkins folded into Sydney Opera Houses. John looks exhausted, and now that Mary’s gone home, I’ve suggested a break. 

I pour John a glass of scotch and hand it to him, struggling for the right words to open this discussion. If I’m not careful, it could end badly.

Sinking into my chair, I simply say, “Don’t.” 

John swallows a mouthful of whisky. “Don’t what?”

He looks confused. Of course. I’m terrible at this. Sentiment, feelings, honesty.

“Don’t… marry her.”

John sighs. “Sherlock.”

“Please, John. Just don’t.”

Confusion has given way to stubbornness, and of all people, John Watson is the most stubborn person I’ve ever known. It’s hopeless, ridiculous that I even brought this up. But it has to be said.

That night at the Landmark, when John was trying to strangle me, I promised myself that I would stop lying to him. Stop shading the truth. Just be honest. Who deserves the truth more than John, who grieved for two years, thinking his best friend was dead?

Best friend. More than I ever expected to have from this stubborn, loyal, surprising man who has always followed me, even after I broke his heart. He deserves the truth. 

And I deserve nothing. But I can’t let the man I love be hurt again, even if it means… well, I hope this won’t be our last conversation.

“What is this about?” John’s face wears that dogged expression. 

“I love you,” I begin. “And I’ve hurt you too much to pretend this is fine.”

John’s eyes widen, then narrow. “You love me. What am I supposed to do with that?”

“You called me your best friend. I don’t care what you make of it—“

“You don’t do feelings. Married to your work, grit on the lens—“

“You’re not the only one who’s grieved, John. Yes, I do have feelings. And I would be prepared to set them aside, to accept that I do not deserve your love, but I owe you the truth.”

“You love me.”

It’s bad enough that John seems to be stuck on you love me. That isn’t even the point right now. (Note to self: next time, lead with your wife-to-be is probably an assassin.) 

“Yes. Which is why I’m about to tell you the last thing you want to hear right now.”

“I’m about to get married, Sherlock! Why are you doing this now— you’ve never given me the tiniest clue that you even considered me a friend. I don’t have friends. Remember that? What is this— are you jealous? Is that what this is about?” 

I’m terrible at this. I’ve vowed to be honest, not to keep John in the dark all the time, and all John is taking from this is that I’m jealous. 

I try again. “You’re about to marry a woman you don’t know. A woman who is lying to you.”

Now John’s wearing his isn’t this ironic face. “Oh, well, I suppose I should be used to people who love me lying to me! You’ve given me plenty of practice, you know.”

“I realise my apology for that is inadequate. I understand that you will never return my feelings, and I will live with that. I’m not jealous. Marry whomever you want, John— just not her. She’s not who she claims to be. I’m telling you this because I believe you’re in danger.”

“All right, then.” Still angry, but also curious. “Tell me. Who is she?”

“I don’t know yet. I do know that she’s not Mary Morstan, who was stillborn in 1972 and buried in Chiswick Cemetery. The night I met her, I deduced that she’s hiding something, so I went to Mycroft. While I was gone, he was supposed to keep an eye on you because we believed Moriarty’s organisation might still take action against you. When I realised that she was not who she said she was, I gave him an earful for letting an unknown close to you.”

“And what did he say?”

“Nothing. He wouldn’t tell me anything about her. Classified. Which tells me most of what I needed to know. He knows exactly who she is, which suggests that she’s an agent of some sort, probably freelance. She may have done work for the British government, which would be how he knew her.”

He rolls his eyes. “You’re an agent of the government, I believe. Don’t even try telling me you weren’t working for your brother these past two years. Maybe she doesn’t have clearance to tell me what kind of work she did.”

“But she hasn’t even mentioned it, has she? She told you she’s a nurse. And she’s using a name that’s not her own. You’re marrying her, John— the fact that she’s assumed a false identity—“

“—means that she’s in some sort of witness protection. That she doesn’t have clearance to tell anyone.“ Annoyed, but not in denial. Uncomfortable now that he’s thinking about it. 

“Mycroft would have said if that were the case. And he would have threatened me to keep my hands off. The fact that he’s said nothing means that she’s part of an active investigation. And most likely not currently working for the British government. If she were, he would have said.”

John is silent. 

“Ignorance is not bliss, John. You made that point quite forcefully the night I returned.”

“She’s active?” He looks dazed. 

“Mycroft wouldn’t say. But it’s not the kind of work anyone actually leaves behind.” 

“And you’re telling me this now? You couldn’t have said sooner? Christ, we’ve started planning the wedding!” Angry again.

“I wasn’t sure. I’m more certain now, though.”

John has reached his limit. “I… I’ve got to go. I can’t deal with this now. Just… I’m going.” He grabs his coat, stuffs his arms in the sleeves, and marches out the door.

… (Continues below cut)

I return from buying milk (I really must be losing my mind if I’m going to the shops, but tea requires milk and sugar and Mrs Hudson is still showing her displeasure at my inexplicable return by not running errands for me) and find Mycroft sitting in my chair. He knows, of course, which chair is mine and which is John’s, and is making a statement whose meaning I can guess. Power dynamics: my chair. 

Considering who’s paid the rent for the last two years, it actually is Mycroft’s chair. I make tea, hand a mug to Mycroft, and sit in John’s chair. 

“Well, brother.” He gives me an appraising look. 

I’m used to the evaluation; it happens every time I see my brother, that once-over to determine if (a) I’ve relapsed, (b) I’ve done something else Mycroft will regret, or c) I’m about to lie about something not covered under (a) or (b). The best way to side-track this is to get on his nerves.

“This is about John, isn’t it?” I blow on my tea. “Otherwise you would have called.”

“He came to see me yesterday, directly from seeing you. Asking what I knew about Mary Morstan. Now, where did he get the idea that she’d been lying to him, if not from you?”

“You didn’t swear me to silence.”

Mycroft sips his tea, but says nothing. He’s very good at keeping his own counsel. 

“I asked him not to marry her,” I say. “I don’t have any real proof, other than what I told him, but reasoned that it would be better not to leave it until the last moment. I’m wondering, though, why you were willing to let it happen. You let her close to John, when it’s obvious she was planted in his surgery because of me.”

Mycroft smirks. “You don’t think it was Dr Watson’s charms that drew her to him?”

“Mary Morstan isn’t like the others. Who is she working for?”

“I don’t know.”

“But you can guess.”

“I’m not giving you an unfounded hypothesis, Sherlock. The matter is still classified.” He shifts in his seat, watching me, then relents a bit. “You’re not wrong about her. But we cannot afford to tip her off yet. The marriage will be invalid, of course.”

(Note to self: Kill Mycroft.)

“This should never have happened. John is not a chess piece, a thing to be sacrificed for your game. Now, go away. I don’t want to talk to you until you can give me some answers.”

Without a word, Mycroft stands, tucks his umbrella under his arm, glares at me, and leaves. 

…

It’s night, and I’m walking. No particular destination, just around the park until I’m too tired to walk further. 

When I finally open the door of 221B, John is sitting on the stairs. 

He looks up at me, but doesn’t speak. And for once, I can’t read his look. Either he’s said something to Mary, or he hasn’t. She’s lied to him, or she’s told him the truth. He’s forgiven her or he’s broken it off. 

It’s Schrödinger’s wedding. 

I hang my coat by the door. He still hasn’t spoken, but budges over to make room for me.

“You said you love me.”

“Yes.”

“You promised not to lie.”

“I’m not lying. I do love you.”

“I mean, about Mary.”

“I spoke with Mycroft. She’s part of an active investigation, as I guessed. He wouldn’t give me details.”

“Jesus. And you love me.” 

I feel his eyes on me, but say nothing. Either he accepts it, or he doesn’t.

“You told me you were married to your work. That’s a pretty clear signal you weren’t interested. Why did you say that?”

“Because I was a coward. And soon you were dating women, which was also a clear signal, and there wasn’t any point in bringing it up again.”

“When you say love, what do you mean?”

“I want you to be happy. If that’s with someone other than me, fine. But someone who’s lying to you cannot make you happy.”

He leans closer, his shoulder against mine. “And what would make you happy? If you could have anything you want?”

“A locked room triple homicide, no murder weapon.”

He gives a low chuckle. “Idiot. I mean, what do you want from me?”

“Whatever you’ll give me. I’m prepared to be your friend for life, if that’s what you want.”

“Nothing more? Just friends? Not romantic?”

No lies, not now. “Yes, I want more. I want you to live here, to sleep in my bed, yes— with all that entails. To never leave me. But I will take what I can—”

“Yes. All of it.”

It’s my turn to be silent. 

He rubs his eyes. Sleepless night. “I told her I couldn’t marry her. You’d best let Mycroft know if he’s trying to suss her out. She’s already packing her bags.”

“Did she tell you what she is?”

“I didn’t ask. I just told her I was in love with you.”

I feel as if I’ve been punched in the gut. No, I feel like what I imagine when I think of kissing John. Breathless, heart-pounding. 

“Are you in love with me?”

“I thought you knew.” He smiles, takes my hand in his own. “Yes, I am.”

My voice shakes. “And what did she say?”

“She already knew.” His smile broadening, John leans in. 

The kiss is better than any I could imagine. 

He doesn’t let go when it ends. “So, if I’d decided to marry her anyway…” He grins. “What was your plan for that?”

The truth. I promised. “I was going to kidnap you.”

He gives me a smouldering look. “You could still do that.”

(Note to self: I’m going to have to get used to John Watson’s love language.)

...

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[miaisocool]

Johanna (Part 2)

Pairing: CollegeWanda x Collegereader

Summary - After drinking too much at a college party because of your feelings towards wanda it ends up in a mess!

Warnings: MINORS DNI 18+ Mentions of underage drinking, vomiting, angst, fluff, smut.

Note: Part two of Johanna! if you guys want a chapter three let me know! maybe i'll make one.

Word count: 6k

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Part one

You slowly began to regain consciousness as the after effects of drinking got to you, the dull throb aching each vein in your head as you tried to recompose yourself by slowly lifting your head and make up of where you were, the twinge of embarrassment from passing out in front of everyone was also starting to eat you alive, you felt sluggish and weak your body was in a limp state almost as if you were having sleeping paralysis. You slowly opened your eyes to a blurry vision of nothing but random orbs of light as if your body was finally being carried to heaven and that wandas kiss was the blessing that was delivered from the god above.

You were still trying to make sense of where you were the bright lights assaulting at your sensitive pupils you had to squint despite how awful your vision was right now still trying to figure out where you were. There was also a few sounds of inconsistent mumbling that you tried to figure out although another one of your six senses were still fucked up, your hearing. You couldn't help but make out mumbling of a womans voice talking rapidly non stop although there was ringing in your ears there was still a few sentences of concern you could make out from the womans voice like:

"Is she gonna be okay?"

"what if she doesn't wake up"

"i don't know what to do"

They sounded like whines of dread and sadness coming from the mysterious womans voice you couldn't help but wonder who it was. Although you had a throbbing migraine there was also another pair of sentences you could make out but this time it came from a mans voice as you made sense of it, it sounded like:

"She'll be fine"

"Just please calm down"

He was like the reassurance to the womens voice of concern makinf the situation less tense. The dialogue coming from these two mysterious voices was either the alcohol playing mind tricks on you as you didn't even know or remembered how much you drank although you knew it was a lot, or what you drank. You just grabbed bottles of whatever you could find and chugged straight away. Eventually the back and forth sentences started to take more of a physical than mental toll on you as each word that was spoken, you also wanted to mumble out a few words that would come out your throat but there was a heavier feeling than that like something weighing on you, something making your throat clench trying to get to surface level despite your effort to swallow it down. You were powerless you couldn't do anything much longer you heard a object of some sort being placed somewhere near you, right beside where you were about to vomit immediately as you hear that your body convulses and starts to let out everything from your system, whatever you had to drink or eat was ending up in that container.

Your stomach rebels against everything, It's a violent expulsion, leaving you gasping for breath and trembling with the effort, your eyes so watery worsening your vision, the taste of bile burning your throat this continues to go on for a minute at least but soon you start to panic, your chest rising up and down coming in shallow breaths, your heart pounding out of your ribcage, you weren't used to vomiting but when you did you dreaded the moment it would come. But soon you start to come down from your panic as you felt slender fingers start to brush through your hair sending waves of goosebumps all throughout your body as the persons hand made way to your scalp giving you light, sweet caresses, you just wanted to fall asleep right then and there

"its okay.. im here.."

The voice softly cooed to you you hadn't bothered to open your eyes until you realized it was wanda all the memories of what happened before you passed out last night started coming back to you in flashes.

Her kissing vision, she was always mistreated by him and always ran to you when something went wrong or a if a fight broke out between the two. Of course you despised the thought of him, you wanted to be him, you wanted to hold the place of being someone that belongs to wanda. you knew you were the right one for her, but she didn't want you. it made you frown, you wanted to fight against the tears that were starting to build up in your eyes. Wanting to relieve the heart ache of this nature with self pleasure with the thoughts of wanda or thoughts of just going into her arms and being comforted by her smell, like cherries, cinnamon and vanilla. Or her voice that was oh so soft spoken like music to your ears, you smiled ear to ear everytime she spoke a word to you. Most of the time you didn’t listen as you were too busy having dreams of being with her. But you soon snapped yourself out of it as you realized all you have for now is her presence and that's the most you can cherish in this moment. The sight of wanda letting her guard down around you painted a smile on your face and gave you a warm feeling as she continued to coo softly to you calming you down after your panic attack you try to mutter out a few words as you came down from your trance.

"wanda.."

As you spoke her name she propped your head up sliding a pillow underneath your head somewhat assisting you in gaining conscience as you took in what was going on and where you were.

"Im so sorry.."

"i didn't mean to worry you."

You whispered your voice barely above a breath.

Her eyes softened as she met your worried gaze she continued to brush her fingers through your hair as you laid your head onto the pillow she immediately shook her head as she took in your apology

"hey.. don't apologize alright? you have nothing to be sorry for.."

Her fingers continued to trace patterns from your scalp over to your cheek. She softly caressed it washing the tension from your muscles that you were carrying since last night. You felt vulnerable and exposed to her, like her touch was a spell for whatever emotions you went through in the past 24 hours she was the remedy or your guardian angel in a way. A small smile tugged at the corner you finally let your guard down and stopped trying to put on the tough act around her, you believed her, in her presence you felt cared for, understood and not alone.

There were some tears that you were trying to fight as the remnants of your panic attack slowly faded away each swipe of wandas thumb against your cheek fighting against that, easing your anxiety.

"I dont know what came over me..."

You choked up again. There were a few tears that were bound to escape as you spoke.

Wanda's expression remained understanding, her eyes filled with empathy her pupils were slightly dilated or were you looking too much into it?

"i promise you its okay.. please Y/n i hate seeing you like this."

she reassured you, her voice steady and calming. You loved seeing her like this, she would always be patient with you no matter what, well sometimes, it's not like you guys were perfect. Of course there were a few arguments here and there but that never took her away from you.

You hugged her burying your nose into her hair taking in her scent, her skin, the way her arms fit around you like a puzzle piece almost if you guys were made for each other she smelt like cherries, cinnamon and vanilla, again she was a blessing in disguise everything you ever wanted.

It was a bitter sweet moment at first until clint walked in and spoke up disrupting the moment of love between you and wanda

"hey, im gonna take y/n to her apartment.. so i'll just.."

Clint awkwardly walked towards the kitchen counter grabbing his keys from the heart shaped clay ash tray, it brought you memories from when you and wanda hung out for the first time. Wanda decided it was a good idea if you guys went clay sculpting as a "cute date idea" you warned her beforehand that you weren’t a artist and that creative when it came to things that involved art. She also warned you beforehand that she was in the same position as you. So when it was time for her to reveal her clay sculpture to you, you were amazed and teased her about being so talented, which she was, she was oddly good at everything and anything. was it her charming personality? or was it cause you loved her?

You removed yourself from wandas arms noticing her grasp gave you a sense of longing her hands stayed on longer than yours did. Her eyes didn't open to clints voice but only opened to when she felt your weight shift away from hers you could see a sense of disappointment in her body language but you quickly brushed it off as if it was nothing but you knew it was something.

"Call me when you get home safe alright?"

The words coming from wandas mouth made you smile really hard but you held back only smiling a bit to act all cold towards her and put on a front as if you weren't in love with her. But then clint immediately drifted to the front door then he made his way to his car opening first the passenger side because he knew you were still coming down from your hangover he walked over to the drivers side and started up his car waiting for you to get in.

You decided to speak up and finally give wanda a sentence of reassurance instead of leaving her high and dry or just leaving her with the thoughts that were consuming her alive since last night.

"Yeah i will."

Even your tone was cold. You knew what was coming you were mentally preparing for it, you were already distancing yourself from wanda you couldn't take it anymore, was it her fault? no, of course not, she was very dear to you. It was just some stupid feelings you had for her, it wasn't your fault either. If you could ever pick a person to be in love with for the rest of your life it wouldn’t be wanda. It hurt you too much, seeing her with vision one day and then cradling into her arms the next? no it was too much for you. You hated it and just couldn't take it anymore.

For the next few weeks on campus you started avoiding wanda. The messages she would casually send to you daily were starting to turn in messages that were sent once in a while.. maybe once a week at best! you left her with nothing but read receipts either that or you turned it off after a while but she wasn't stupid she knew she wasn't getting left on delivered, You were even starting to take different routes to your classes so you could avoid meeting her or her gaze that you once longed for. Whenever she was brought up in conversation with shared friends you kinda didn't talk at all until the topic was switched. Obviously it caused you heart ache as you forced yourself to distance away from her. You started crying yourself to sleep some nights or soothing yourself the way wanda once soothed you. You couldn’t escape the void of lonelinesses that was once filled by wanda but not anymore because you wanted to distance and “protect your feelings” from her.

You knew things were getting bad when your mental breakdowns started consuming you, it felt like your mind was drowning in a sea of vulnerability and a deep depression that would never go away. In those moments you often found yourself imagining what would it be like if wanda was there with you. She would take you in a warm embrace like a guardian angel fighting against the problems in your head, her soothing voice where she would whisper your name over and over mixed in with words of affirmations or some reassurances telling you that everything was gonna be okay. You depended on her like a lifeline it made you grounded and gave you strength to hold on just for her. You hated that you had to deal with this because of a sore decision you had too make.

At least two months had passed since the incident with wanda, and you kept avoiding her. Initially, it hurt to see how much she tried to keep in contact, calling, texting, even showing up at places she knew you’d be. But eventually, she got the memo as you distanced yourself more and more. You convinced yourself that your feelings for her were gone, though deep down, a part of you knew that wasn't the truth. As the days turned into weeks, the love you once had for Wanda faded, and you no longer saw her as a friend, just a stranger. Did it hurt? Not anymore. You had become cold, and shutting her out seemed like the best decision for your peace of mind. Or at least, that’s what you wanted to believe.

The following day you found yourself at a party it sort of gave you flashbacks to when you saw wanda, how beautiful she was dancing in the flashing lights, everyone else was blocked out from your sight, your bodies pressed against each others as she filled your ears with her beautiful moans, your lips brushing against her neck as you kissed it, her arms wrapped around your neck trying to get more of you, your arms wrapped around her waist as she assisted you what body part to kiss, her neck, her chest. You quickly drank away the memories as you poured another shot of rum quickly drowning your system in alcohol, it was becoming a coping mechanism for you, imagining wanda. but she wasn't there, drinking copious amounts of alcohol it was ruining you physically and mentally. Wanda and Vision had been dating for at least three, maybe four months now? you couldn't keep track since they were so on and off. You hoped that Wanda wouldn't be at this party because you knew if you saw her, she’d want answers about why you had been so distant and you would just give her a quick apology and storm off. The lights were flashing over the crowd and over your face blurring out anyone there except clint because he was always right by your side taking care of you making sure you didn't turn into a drunken mess like last time. The faint smell of weed and cigarettes filling the air around you, making you slightly cough.

You pushed your way throughout the crowd to get away from the packed crowd of people but as you were shoving your way through them with multiple apologies your eye couldn't help but catch a glimpse of vision and wanda together you slowly realized that wanda was here, and she wasn't alone. Vision stood beside her, his arm casually draped over her shoulders. They looked comfortable together, laughing and talking as if they were a perfect couple but you knew deep down that they weren't. A tightened feeling quickly made its way to your throat as you saw vision lay his lips upon wandas. Did she belong to you? no, of course not, but you were once there before. It deeply hurt you. It hurt you to the point where you needed to let your emotions out so you dragged your presence away from clint and made your way outside. As you dragged yourself with tears in your eyes blurring everything from your sight you felt a familiar shoulder rub against yours as you walked away. It was her, It was wanda, you recognized the familiarity from when you guys would cradle into each others arms.

You quickly turned away, hoping that Wanda hadn’t noticed you. But it was too late. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw her glance in your direction, her eyes widening in recognition and her pupils dilating in limerence. The look on her face told you everything: she had seen you, and she wasn't going to let this go. She once longed for you and needed a answer now. Of course you also missed her, she was a part of you, the thought of her consumed you, YOU LOVE HER, YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH HER but you hate that you are because, it's ruining your life.

You made your way outside as you quickly took your phone out of your pocket to order a uber until-

"Y/n."

You almost dropped your phone out of your hand as you met her cold gaze that was once sweet to you but you knew that all hell was about to break loose. Her voice was firm. Too firm.

"y/n please talk to me."

"wanda this isn't the time or place." You quickly shut her out. She was trying to get to you but you didn't want that because of your selfish ways.

“Then when?” she demanded, her eyes searching yours. Her eyes were searching for at least a hint or feeling that showed you cared “You avoid me for months and can't give me a fucking answer?" There she was again, she knew you hated confrontation but this was the best way she was gonna get to you.

"Im going home." You said firmly looking at your shoes kicking against the cold concrete as you started to step away until she took your arm into her grasp

"You're not leaving me again. Im getting you a uber." This wasn't reassurance from wanda that everything was fine but it was a simple confrontational talk of hers.

While in the uber your gaze lingered out the window as you breathed in wandas comforting scent until you turned your head to finally break the silence

"You know, im really happy for you."

"yeah?"

"Yeah i mean, your in a relationship, he's a good looking guy i'm very happy for you two"

The words felt forced you looked at your hands until you heard the sound of wanda chuckling a bit at your compliment, she knew it was false, you hated vision, she knew you were trying to put on a front to hide a feeling.

Wanda got out of the uber first immediately running to your side and opening the door for you, you smiled at her as she wrapped her arm around your waist walking into your apartment complex.

"Keys?"

Your mind was foggy from Wanda's presence, but you managed to gather yourself enough to hand her your keys. She unlocked the door to your apartment and gently helped you onto the couch.

You lay there for a while, hearing the sounds of her moving around the kitchen. Glasses clinked against the marble counter, ice cubes dropped into a glass, and water poured. Her footsteps grew louder as she walked back towards you.

"Up," she instructed softly.

You smiled at how gentle wanda was being, it brought you back memories of the months before the incident with you and wanda. She gently assisted you into a sitting position, knowing you felt a bit sick. Her hands were firm but comforting as she propped you up, ensuring you were more comfortable and less likely to feel nauseous.

Sitting beside you, she propped herself up, her posture relaxed yet attentive. Her presence offered you a peace of mind. With a gentle yet steady hand, she held the glass steady for you, her fingers lightly supporting its weight as you took small sips.

As you drank, you couldn't help but notice the softness of her expression, the concern noticeable in her eyes. It was moments like these that reminded you of what once was of your connection, she searched for a hint of longing in your eyes, a hint of anything that would tell her that you're emotionally available.

"You're avoiding me"

Wanda's voice cut through the silence like a knife, her words soft but laden with a profound sense of hurt and frustration. The words hung heavy in the air like a accusation as you looked at her

"It was a accident."

you lied, the words left a bitter taste in your mouth as you looked at her. you knew the truth—you were avoiding her—but admitting it felt like facing the inevitable collapse of the friendship you have with her or once had.

"You can't accidentally avoid me."

Wandas words started striking at you like venom, you could feel the weight of her words pressing down on you, a crushing weight that threatened to suffocate you.

"you really wanna know why im avoiding you wanda?"

You finally lashed out at her, you decided that this was the best time to pour out all your feelings to her, it was like word vomit you couldn't control or take back the words that were about to come out your mouth.

"i fucking hate seeing you with him wanda."

Tears were staring to slightly spill out your eyes with each word weighing down your chest making you choke on your words the more you spoke her gaze softened at your vulnerability.

"As long as you're happy that's all that matters.."

Wanda's gaze softened, her eyes searching yours for something you couldn't quite name. "Are you?" she asked quietly, her voice barely a whisper.

The question hung in the air between you, heavy with unspoken emotion. It was as if she could sense the sadness within you, the conflicting emotions that threatened to consume you whole. And in that moment, as you looked into her eyes, you knew that you couldn't keep hiding behind a facade of false happiness.

"No... of course I'm not," you confessed, your voice tinged with a rawness that echoed the ache in your heart. "Seeing you with Vision, it hurts me to my core. Sometimes I find myself sitting there, praying that I could just stop loving you altogether."

Wanda's expression softened, her eyes reflecting a mixture of sympathy and understanding. Without a word, she reached out, her hand finding yours in a gentle embrace she tried to take you into her arms but you fought back as you cried more almost having a mental breakdown but you soon let down your guard and let her wrap her arms around you.

This goes on for a minute or two until she pulls you back to look into your eyes and finally see the emotion that she was searching for, for months she just wanted to see that emotion in your eyes that showed a hint of love towards her.

"i love you.. okay? no one could ever change the love i have for you y/n."

Wanda wasn't perfect either of course the kisses, hugs, touch you shared with her, they lingered in her mind, a constant reminder of what once was, and what could have been. She always longed for you, even in the moments when she tried to convince herself otherwise.

"I don’t think I’ll ever love someone as much as i loved you.."

"You're my person y/n."

She looked into your eyes, her gaze raw and vulnerable, revealing the depth of her emotions. You looked back into hers you started to put your guard down as she grasped you in her arms.

You pulled away slightly to make room to see her whole face, she had a demeanor that showed she was longing for something, she was longing for you, for her lips on yours. The words start to spill from your mouth like vomit.

"I love you."

Wandas restraint finally breaks and she hungrily pushes her lips onto yours practically devouring you, you were so weak you let her take control of the kiss for a while until you return the kiss and press into her almost as if your bodies were morphing together but then after a while you give up. She was soft, like the girl you’ve always known wrapping her arms around you to support the weight she was pushing onto you in a hungry desire, she held onto you like she cares. You hold back a bit as you try to prop up onto her lap you struggle a bit but, she finally gives in and assists you by grabbing your waist gently and laying you onto her lap, you started to moan her name over and over some whines here and there, you placed a knee between her thigh you pulled away again as you cupped her face in a bitter sweet moment.

"is this okay?"

She nodded as she looked at you her eyes darkened but not by lust by the love that she always carried for you, as you propped yourself up on her thigh, you started to grind down into her, your core started to slightly weep onto your underwear almost enough to seep through the pants you had on.

"i love you.. so much wanda.."

You moaned out her name very softly. You were breathless almost it felt like your heart was a ticking time bomb that was about to explode any minute, it felt like a dream, you couldn't believe what was happening.

She smiled almost stupidly as she felt you grinding down against her thigh, with every thrust she was in a trance, she couldn't help but assist your movements with her hands placed upon your waist controlling your speed and motion, they soon made their way inside of your shirt as she fondled with your chests making you whimper a bit more.

You could taste all of her, the scent of cherries, wine and vanilla that always kept you longing even more for her was blessing the aroma of your apartment.

Your hands roamed her body, feeling the heat of her skin through her clothes, while her fingers tangled in your hair, pulling you even closer. She deepened her tongue into yours the faster you moved, the more urgent the desire became, building to a climax that left you both gasping for air. Your heart pounded in your chest, matching the rapid pace of your movements as you edged closer and closer. looking into her eyes you couldn't believe you were having this moment with someone you loved for so long. She slowly pulled your body weight off of her, her hand making its way towards the zipper of your pants as she looked at you for assurance to keep going.

As you looked at her gaze, you communicated with her without speaking a single word, your face softened as you took in the warmth of wandas presence you felt your chest flutter as you nodded then her hand slipped into your waistband slowly inserting her two cold fingers into your warm, wet core you slightly hissed at the feeling until you slowly sunk yourself deeper onto her fingers grinding a bit faster. She smiled at you again as she noticed your desperate movements it made her desire for you skyrocket, you finally let out a heavy exhale as you were holding your breath for so long from being so tense from the situation as she looked into your eyes while softly running her fingers through your hair helping a wave of comfort come over you as she pressed her lips against your forehead while pumping her fingers into your core as you breathed heavily before plastering and peppering her faces with kisses. Your movement was somewhat weak from the spell that wanda was putting you under almost as if she was a witch.. maybe a love witch.

"im sorry if it's bad-"

You immediately cut her off with pressing a kiss to her you felt her smile come onto your lips while you pressed against hers making her melt like ice cream.

"nonono- it... it feels so good wanda."

You said almost breathlessly as you smiled and assured her. This gave her more confidence as she started to speed up her movements not in a rough way, but in a way that lovers made love to each other. She felt her wrist start to cramp up a bit so she started using her thumb to draw circles over your clit as you threw your head back giving her mouth enough space to place kisses onto your neck leaving you with marks that were going to be very visible the next morning. More whimpers started to escape your mouth as you almost felt her knuckles go slightly deeper when you plunged your body weight lower onto her hand slightly giving you a sense of overstimulation.

"you feel so good y/n.."

You finally snapped out of your trance still having wandas fingers pump your clit not too aggressively but not too soft but just enough to go at a regular pace you couldn't help but feel a bit of shock as her pupils dilated even more with each thrust she sent to your core she was looking at you as if you were a god, holding you to the highest power or maybe to her this was what heaven looked like.

"im going to..-"

Finally a tight feeling in your stomach started to take over you as much as you tried to hold back for wandas pleasure you couldn't help but be selfish and let your own desire take over. As soon as she heard those words she started pumping her fingers at a faster pace making you slump into her arms even more causing her to wrap a arm around your waist as she lifted your shirt up with the swift movement of her mouth and started sucking on your breasts mumbling a few sentences over and over like:

"You're so perfect."

"I love you.."

In the moment you didn't mind if those words weren't true but you knew later on you would beg to know whether or not the statements that spewed from her mouth were true.

You finally reached your climax as you felt your throat tighten your words were incoherent as they were muffled by your moans of wandas name over and over, your breasts being latched on by wandas mouth causing a wet sensation all over your body, your fingers tangled up in her hair causing a mess, and your core felt empty as she pulled her fingers away from your throbbing core, you noticed the mess you made over wandas hand slowly dripping to her elbow you couldn't help but hide yourself as you nuzzled into her neck. Wanda immediately protested this, she pulled your head back to give you a clear view on how much you meant to her, she slowly brought her fingers to her mouth until you grabbed her wrist trying to fight her from doing the act that would drive her away from you but she pulled away from your grasp and immediately licked her fingers clean as she stared into your eyes with love filled in them. You were shocked from the sight as no had ever been so kind to you something that was yours was in her mouth, more hers than yours now.

Again, she pressed her lips forcefully against you, making you taste the mix of your juices and her lips mixing a feeling of love within you, You pulled away as you tried to catch your breath coming down from your high you were about to close your eyes until you felt her pick your sore body up from the couch and moving it to your bedroom providing more comfort for you both as you laid next to her you couldn't help but smile at the image that you dreamed about for months, it finally came true and that's all you needed.

She let out a slightly shaky breath, her chest rising and falling in a tender rhythm the same way your chest was also rising and falling down while you were still coming down from your high. Her fingers, warm and soft, gently caressed your cheek, tracing delicate patterns as if she was trying to remember the outline of your face. Each stroke was a silent testament to her feelings.

Her pupils dilated with adoration, and you couldn't help but smile from ear to ear at her touch. Yet, despite the bliss of the moment, the intrusive thoughts started to gnaw at you. Desperate to push those thoughts away, you spoke up, your voice barely a whisper.

"You're gonna regret this wanda.. i know after this.. tomorrow morning you'll just go back to being with vision.."

The words slipped out with your breath, and as soon as they did, you wished you could take them back. You watched helplessly as her expression shifted from one of pure love to a sadness that brought tears to your eyes. Regret washed over you.

"Why would you say that?" she asked softly, her voice trembling. Her eyes, which moments ago had been filled with love and adoration, now shimmered with unshed tears. Her brows knitted together in a mix of confusion and hurt, the corners of her mouth trembling as she tried to understand your words. "Why would you think I'd ever do that?"

You looked down, unable to meet her sad gaze, feeling the weight of her emotions pressing down on you with guilt lingering on your tongue. You could almost feel the ache in her heart, the way her hope had faltered in the face of your doubt, you regretted every word you said.

"I- i dont know-"

She took a shaky breath, her hand reaching out to touch your cheek once more, as if seeking reassurance. "Do you really think im that type of person?" she asked, her voice breaking slightly. "That you believe I would ever regret loving you? shit, even making love to you?"

Her words hit you causing you to be a emotional train wreck as the tears that were lightly shedding started to pour out of your eyes as you sobbed reaching for her grasp in a moment of comfort wanting to just run away. The vulnerability of her words really showed you how much wanda cared about you, she was willing to fight for what she believed in, and that made you love her even more.

"I just dont wanna get hurt" You confessed, it wasn't wandas fault that you felt this way but from your past you were so used to partners abandoning you at your lowest and you even begged them to stay, you hated seeing yourself so miserable so when it was time for your college years you started to rely on meaningless hookups for a sense of something but it never brought you anything.

She wiped your tears as she brought you into her arms carefully taking in your scent and ruffling her fingers through your hair to send comfort to you as she shushed you, knowing the more you talked the more you were willing to cry.

"I would never do that to you."

"I think loving you.."

A beat, she sighed for a second catching her breath as she almost started to break down again from the sight of you crying.

"I think loving you was the best decision i made in my life, don't ever let your thoughts consume you like that again okay?"

Her unwavering love, the sheer depth of it all, filled you with a mix of hope and slight regret. You nodded slowly, swallowing the lump in your throat.

"I'm sorry it was just a stupid thought" You chuckled rubbing your eyes as they slightly burned from how much tears you poured out tonight you were slightly embarrassed but you didn't mind since you had wanda there for you.

She pulled you away from her slightly so she can make sure you take in her words with bittersweet promises and love.

"Don't ever push me away again.."

"I love you."

You smiled at her words, feeling a warmth spread through your chest. She leaned in, her lips meeting yours in a soft, tender kiss. you seemed to melt away in her presence as she gently laid you down again, her arm wrapping securely around your stomach. She snuggled up to your body soothing all your worries.

Your eyelids started to grow heavy, and everything around you began to come into a blur. Yet, just before you surrendered to wandas comforting embrace, you managed to gain a bit of consciousness. With a sleepy smile, you mumbled back to her, your voice soft and filled with love.

"I love you too.."

Each touch of hers was a silent declaration that she was willing to stay with you no matter what. Finally lulling you asleep.

#avengers imagine #mcu imagine #wanda maximoff imagine #wanda marvel #wanda mcu #marvel cinematic universe #marvel imagine #wanda maximoff x female reader #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff angst #elizabeth olsen #elizabeth olsen x reader #elizabeth olsen imagine #wanda x you #scarlett witch #wandavision #natasha romanov #natasha romanoff #natasha x you #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x you #wanda maximoff smut #wanda x reader #wanda x y/n #wanda x vision #wandanat #wanda maximoff x you #wanda x natasha #scarlet witch #wanda maximoff fluff

[kimingyuslover]

the call

synopsis : you never thought that one call could leave you in a tearful night.

word count : 759

pairing : lee dokyeom x afab!reader

warnings : reader is mentioned wearing a dress, angst (sorry not sorry), tears.

a.n : i feel like i need more angst in my life & i want to create a oneshot that will have the readers bawling their eyes out. idk to you guys, but i cried a little while writing this.

the white mini dress you wore is adoring to everyone's eyes. you decided that it was time for you to have a date again, after your last one, which is 3 weeks ago.

the night ends so quickly, the date went absolutely wonderful, you have to thank Mingyu– who arranged this date, with lots of food.

"yeah, the date went so excellent! i think we'd have another date next week" you say as you start to open your laptop to finish the proposal you've been writing for ages.

"should i expect a barbecue dinner next month? you probably ended with this guy" Mingyu said on the other side, making you let out a giggle.

"i don't know, but maybe—

you got cut off by the ringtone from your phone, someone calls you, "wait a sec Mingyu, i need to pick up another call" which Mingyu answered with, "yeah sure, call me again right after that"

you can't figure the name of the contacts on your phone, and you can't remember whose this number belongs to, but you answer it because you think it's maybe something important?

"hello?" you let out.

"y/n," the other person replied. you know who this is, and you're planning to hang up the call, but before you can do it, he speaks again.

"i'm sorry! please don't hang up, i need to let this out, my hearts feels heavy if i have to carry this every day." he said, you replied nothing, and he take that as a yes, he can speak to you.

"i want you to know that, i still love you. i messed up a big time while we're still in a relationship, i'm sorry that i don't take the blame even though it's my fault, i'm sorry i neglected you, neglected our relationship. i need you to know that my heart still belongs to you. i tried, i really tried to leave you alone because that's what a good ex should do, right? but when i heard you already go on dates, my heart started to aches so much that it really brought tears to my eyes. that night, i had a few drinks because of the pressure my company put me in, i shouldn't lashed it out on you that night. i'm not in my right state of mind. my mind wanders around when you leave me, i feel miserable, i feels like shit, an asshole, a prick, bastard, and other terms that i used to believe i'm not one of them. i promise your mom to always protect you, but in the end, i was the one who hurt you," you heard him letting out a silent sobs. you don't want to cut him. you feel your own tears start to huddle in your eyes.

"i never made any attempt to make time for you because i think, i need space where i'm alone, far from you, and of course, i was wrong. i never want you to be far from me, i want you to hold me close every time I had a shitty day like you used to before my work schedule demanding every time i have and i start to distancing myself from you. i regret every single second when i'm thinking about what i did to you, i never deserved you, and you deserve so much more than me," now, it's your time to let out your silent sobs.

"Everyday, every night when i see my apartment, all i see is you. every corner of this building held it memory of you, i missed you, i missed us before everything happens" notices your sobs, he pauses for awhile.

"you don't need to answer me, i just want to let you know that every inch of me loves you until now. you deserve a man who can make his time for you, who can control his emotion better than me," he stop for a second, "who can love you better than i do"

that's your breaking down point. you try to speak, "dokyeom, i'm sorry"

"it's not your fault. it's mine, it's never yours, i made us this way, so i have to accept it. " he chuckles dryly, and not long after that, he hangs up the call.

minutes later, you received a text from the same number

i'm not drunk or tipsy. everything that comes out of my mouth is proof that i, in fact, is still mourning for our relationship.

i hope you'll have a good life, away from me, goodbye, my love.

#seventeen x reader #seventeen scenarios #seventeen oneshot #seventeen au #seventeen #seventeen angst #dokyeom x reader #seokmin x reader #dokyeom angst #kml.writes☆

[cheynovak]

A Night to Remember  

Part 6 : Ready, Set... Go

Jensen Ackles x F/Reader Y/N       

Warnings: On screen chemistry, sexual tension, unfaithful, ...      

Side note: English isn’t my first language 

It's a slower chapter.

--  

Will the world believe that Jensen and Y/N were acting, will the world believe the picture was a publicity stunt? But more importantly, will they?     

Or is their tension towards each other, their ‘harmless’ flirting going to burst into flames? How much longer will they be able to keep their professional distance?   

-- 

Jensen woke up to the harsh Austin sunshine streaming through the blinds, his head pounding and his mouth dry as a desert. He groaned, rubbing his temples as the events of last night slowly began to filter through the fog of his hangover.

He reached for his phone, squinting at the screen. His heart sank as he saw the string of messages he had sent to Y/N. 

"Oh, God," he muttered, sitting up quickly and then immediately regretting it as a wave of dizziness hit him. He steadied himself, took a deep breath, and opened the messages. 

There they were, in all their drunken glory. Confessions of love, longing, and a heart laid bare. He cringed as he read through them, each word a reminder of the feelings he'd been trying to suppress for months. 

After her confession that she missed him he had send the last message. 

J: Y/N, I don't know what it is about you, but I can't stop thinking about you. I know it's wrong, but I can't help how I feel. 

He could almost hear his slurred speech in the texts, and he closed his eyes, trying to figure out what to do next. He immediately thought of Danneel, he never intended to hurt her. But Y/N... there was something about her that he can’t seem to ignore.  

His phone buzzed in his hand, startling him. It was a message from Y/N. 

Y/N: Hey, are you okay?

Y/N: You seemed pretty upset last night?  

Jensen's heart raced as he typed out a reply. 

J: Yeah, I'm okay. 

He stared at the screen, waiting for the three dots that indicated she was typing. Instead, his phone buzzed with an incoming call. He glanced at the caller ID and saw Y/N's name. His heart skipped a beat. 

With a deep breath, he swiped to answer. "Hello?" 

"Jensen?" her voice came through the line, soft and concerned. Hearing her voice after nearly a year did something to him. It was like a shock to his system, stirring emotions he'd tried so hard to bury. 

"Y/N," he breathed, leaning back against the pillows. "I'm sorry about last night. I shouldn't have..." 

"Are you really okay?" she interrupted, her voice cutting through his apology. "You don't sound okay." 

He closed his eyes, the sound of her voice both comforting and painful. "I'm... I don't know. I feel like I've messed everything up."

There was a pause on the other end. "Jensen, I was worried. I could tell something was off, even through the texts. Talk to me." 

He hesitated, the words caught in his throat. But the concern in her voice, the genuine care, broke down his defences. "It's been hard, Y/N. Things with Danneel are... complicated. And then there's you.” 

"Me?" she echoed, her tone a mix of confusion and curiosity. "Yeah, you. Last night, I said things I shouldn't have, but they were true. I can't stop thinking about you." 

Silence stretched between them, heavy and charged. Finally, she spoke. "Jensen, you can't. You're married. You can't just pretend that doesn't matter." 

"I know, I’ve been telling myself I made the right choice" he said, his voice pained. "But seeing your pictures, hearing your voice right now... it makes me wonder if I did... make the right choice." 

"Jensen," she sighed, her voice tinged with sadness. He swallowed hard, trying to keep his emotions in check. "Can we meet? I think we need to talk about this in person." 

Y/N was quiet for a second, he could hear her think. "Jensen, I don't know," Y/N said finally, her voice hesitant. "I'm not sure it's a good idea.” 

"Please, Y/N," Jensen pleaded, desperation creeping into his voice. "I know I've made a mess of things, but we need to talk about this face-to-face." "Jensen," she sighed, her tone filled with doubt. "I don't want to get hurt. And I don't want to hurt anyone else." 

"I understand," he replied quickly. "I do. But I can't leave things like this. Please, just give me a chance to explain myself properly. We owe it to each other to talk this through, don’t we?" 

Another pause. Jensen could almost hear her weighing her options. “I mean,” he continued, “You said in the ride to the airport you were ok, but you lied so, we need to be honest... don’t we?” He closed his eyes, willing her to say yes. 

"Alright," she said finally, her voice soft but resolute. "But this is just a conversation. Nothing more, no funny business.”  

"I promise," he said, relief flooding through him. "Where do we meet?”

"I'm in Dallas, filming a project," Y/N replied. "Can you come to the set?" 

Jensen hesitated, his mind racing. There would be a lot of people on set, people who could see them together and start asking questions. The last thing he wanted was to create more complications or rumors.

But the urgency in her voice, the need for this conversation to happen face-to-face, outweighed his concerns. "Jensen?" she prompted gently. "Can you come?" 

He took a deep breath, then nodded even though she couldn't see him. "Yeah. When should I be there?" 

"How soon can you get here?" she asked.  "I can leave now," he said, checking the time. "I'll be there in a couple of hours." 

"Okay," she said, relief evident in her voice. "I'll text you the address."

"Thank you, Y/N. I'll see you soon." 

After they hung up, Jensen sat for a moment, gathering his thoughts. He knew this wasn't going to be easy, but it was necessary. He needed to see her, to explain everything, and to figure out what they were going to do next. 

The drive to Dallas was filled with anticipation and nerves. As he approached the set, he felt a mixture of dread and excitement. He parked his car and followed the directions Y/N had texted him, trying to stay inconspicuous. 

He spotted her near one of the trailers, looking around as if searching for him. When their eyes met, he felt a jolt of electricity. She smiled, a tentative but genuine smile that made his heart ache. 

"Hi stranger," she greeted him softly as he approached. She glanced around, then motioned for him to follow her.  

They walked briskly to her trailer, and she opened the door, stepping inside and holding it open for him. Jensen followed her in, shutting the door behind him. The trailer was small but cozy, filled with the trappings of a temporary home away from home. 

"How are you doing?" he asked, genuinely concerned. "Since when have you been back on set? I thought you had a break in filming." 

She sighed, sitting down on the small couch and motioning for him to take a seat next to her. "I'm doing okay, I guess. I got a call from my agent, couldn’t say no.” He nodded, sitting down beside her. "It must be exiting, being back.”  

"It is," she admitted, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear, nervous not knowing how to act.  

Jensen too felt a knot of nerves tighten in his stomach as he sat beside Y/N, unsure of how to act in the intimate confines of her trailer. She seemed to sense his discomfort and offered him a drink. 

"Do you want something to drink? I have water, coffee... maybe something stronger if you need it," she said with a small, nervous laugh. 

"Coffee would be great, thanks," he replied, his voice a little strained. She stood up and moved to the small kitchenette, her movements graceful despite the tension between them.  

As she waited for the coffee, she glanced back at him. The sight of him sitting there, looking at her with those soft, puppy-like eyes, made her heart flutter. The butterflies in her stomach were almost overwhelming, a mix of excitement and anxiety. 

She took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. It was like seeing him for the first time all over again, every feeling she had for him rushing back with a vengeance. His presence filled the small space, and she was acutely aware of every inch between them.  

She walked back to the couch, handing him the cup. Their fingers brushed as he took it from her, and a spark of electricity shot through her. She sat back down, closer this time, unable to keep the distance that was needed.  

"Thanks," he said softly, his eyes locked onto hers. 

Her heart raced, and she could feel a blush creeping up her cheeks. She tried to focus on the conversation, on the practicalities, but all she could think about was how much she had missed him, how much she still cared. 

Jensen took a sip of the coffee, his mind still swirling with emotions. He set the drink down on the small table in front of them and turned to face Y/N fully. 

"Why did you decide to answer my texts?" he asked, his voice soft and filled with curiosity. "After all this time, why now?" 

Y/N looked down, fidgeting with her hands for a moment before meeting his gaze. She took a deep breath, her heart pounding. "I couldn't hold back anymore. I guess missed you.” 

He watched her, his eyes gentle and full of empathy, "I thought maybe we could be friends," she continued, her voice trembling slightly. "I hoped that if we could just talk, we could figure out a way to stay in each other's lives without making things worse. “ 

“But when I got your messages last night... realising maybe that wasn’t the best plan.” She felt her eyes tearing. Unable to look at him, focussing on her hands folded on her lap.  

Jensen reached out, taking her hands in his, wiping the tear away. " I want to believe that we can be just friends.”  She looked into his eyes, feeling the intensity of his emotions mirrored in her own. "Can we, Jensen. I don't want to hurt anyone, especially not Danneel.”  

"I know," he said, his voice filled with a mixture of determination and sorrow. "And I don't want to hurt anyone either. But not having you in my life is clearly not an option.”  

She nodded, a small tear slipping down her cheek. He reached out and gently wiped it away, his touch sending shivers down her spine. "We'll be friends, and careful, and we'll be honest. That's all we can do." 

Their conversation flowed into a easy going get together.

Jensen asked about her travels mesmerised by her enthusiasm. Listening while she showed him pictures on her phone. But he couldn’t help to glance over at her now and then.  

As their conversation drew to an end, Jensen stood up, "I should probably get going," he said softly, reluctant to leave but knowing they both needed time to process everything. 

Y/N nodded, her emotions swirling, making it hard to find the right words. As he turned to leave, he surprised her by stepping forward and wrapping his arms around her in a warm, unexpected hug. She hesitated for a moment, then melted into his embrace, feeling the strength and comfort of his arms around her. 

When they finally pulled back, Y/N looked up at him, her heart racing. She took in the details of his face, so familiar and yet so striking in this intimate moment. The freckles scattered across his nose and cheeks, the perfect shade of green in his eyes that seemed to look right into her soul, and his plump lips that had whispered so many secrets to her. 

A blush crept up her cheeks, and she hoped he didn't notice. But the way he was looking at her, with a mix of tenderness and longing, made her think he did. 

"Take care, Y/N," he said softly, his voice barely above a whisper. 

"You too, Jensen," she replied, her voice trembling with emotion. 

He lingered for a moment, as if wanting to say more, waiting for her to do something, but instead, he gave her a small, reassuring smile and turned to leave. She watched him go, her heart aching and yet filled with a strange sense of hope. 

As the door closed behind him, Y/N let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding. She touched her cheek where his hand had wiped away her tear, feeling the lingering warmth of his touch.  

Jensen stood outside Y/N's trailer door, his thoughts a whirlwind of emotions. He couldn't shake the feeling of the warmth of her body against his, the way she had melted into his embrace. And in that moment, he had wanted nothing more than to kiss her, to taste those lips.  

He leaned against the trailer, running a hand through his hair as he replayed the scene in his mind. Her soulful eyes, filled with vulnerability and longing, had captured his heart in a way he couldn't explain.  

The soft blush on her cheeks and her lips... he could almost feel them against his own, soft and inviting, a perfect match to his own. But he had held back, knowing that would be wrong. They had too much to figure out.  

Taking a deep breath, he pushed away from the door and started to walk away. He knew he had to give her space, time to process everything they had talked about. But as he walked, his thoughts kept drifting back to her.  

In the meantime 

Y/N stood alone in her trailer, her heart racing and her mind spinning with thoughts of Jensen.. Every fiber of her being yearned to run after him, to kiss him, to hold him close and never let go.  

Her hand trembled as she reached out towards the door, aching to follow him, to tell him everything she was feeling. But she hesitated, knowing that rushing after him wouldn't solve anything. 

No, it would only complicate things. But as she stood there, the desire to be with him, to feel his lips against hers, grew stronger with every passing second. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to steady her breathing, trying to push away the urge.  

Finally, she opened her eyes, her resolve faltering. She couldn't ignore the longing in her heart any longer. With a determined sigh, she rushed towards the door, her footsteps echoing in the quiet trailer. 

When she reached the door, Jensen was already gone, disappearing into the distance. She stopped in her tracks, her heart sinking as she realized she had missed her chance. Tears welled up in her eyes.  

It was too late now. Jensen was to far away to follow him, and she was left standing alone, the weight of her regret heavy in her chest. She closed her eyes, silently cursing herself for not taking the leap, for letting fear hold her back from what she truly wanted. 

As Y/N stood outside her trailer, watching Jensen disappear into the distance, she couldn't stand watching him walking away, shoulders slumped in defeat, his back turned to her. Every fiber in her screamed at her to run after him but her mind said no. 

She still hesitated, torn between the fear of rejection and the overwhelming need to be with him. As she turned back towards her trailer, tears streaming down her cheeks, she caught a glimpse of movement out of the corner of her eye. 

She looked up to see Jensen, his gaze fixed on her, his expression unreadable. Their eyes met for a brief moment, and in that instant, she saw the pain and longing mirrored in his eyes, a reflection of her own.  

Jensen started to walk back towards her, his pace shifting from slow to almost running. Her heart leaped in her chest as he reached the steps of her trailer and bounded up them. 

His feet still on the last step, standing eye to eye. He cupped her cheek, caressing her skin, whipping away her tears.

Without a word, Jensen leaned in, his lips meeting hers in a passionate, desperate kiss. The world around them seemed to fade away as they lost themselves in each other, the weight of their emotions finally finding release in the warmth of their embrace.

Y/N wrapped her arms around Jensen, fingers going through his long hair, pulling him closer as their kiss deepened, the intensity of their longing pouring into every touch.  

As they finally pulled back from their passionate kiss, breathless and trembling, they gazed into each other's eyes, their souls laid bare in the raw intensity of the moment. It was a moment that transcended words. 

Before she could say anything, Jensen took another step forward, towering over her. She looked up at him, her eyes meeting his, and in that moment, all the walls between them crumbled away. 

Y/N couldn't help but let out a shaky laugh, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. "So much for just being friends," she joked, her voice laced with both humor and emotion. 

Jensen chuckled softly, his own eyes shining. "Yeah, I guess we kind of skipped that part," he admitted, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "I'm just grateful to have you in my life, even if it's just as a friend" Y/N said softly, her voice filled with sincerity.

Giving him the space to back down if he wanted to. 

He tightened his embrace, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. "Me too," he whispered, his voice husky with desire. "But I would rather kiss you." 

With that, he leaned back in, his lips finding hers once again in a passionate embrace. They stumbled backwards, the door closing behind them with a soft click, forgotten in the heat of the moment. 

Their kisses grew more urgent, hands roaming over each other's bodies as they lost themselves in the intoxicating rush of desire. But just as things began to escalate, Y/N pulled back, her breath coming in ragged gasps. 

"Jensen," she said softly, her voice trembling with emotion while his lips travelled to her neck. "We need to slow down. I don't want to rush into anything." 

He looked at her, his eyes filled with understanding. "I'm sorry," he murmured, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. "I just got carried away, I'm sorry." She smiled up at him, her heart filled with gratitude.   

But before they could say anything else, there was a knock on the door, breaking the momentary spell they were under.

"Y/N we're ready for your scene."

She sighed, reluctantly pulling away from Jensen's embrace. 

"I guess I need to go back to set," she said, her voice tinged with regret. Jensen nodded, his hand lingering on her cheek. “Call me when your done for today?”  

Later that day.  

As the day drew to a close and the set began to quiet down, she found herself reaching for her phone, her fingers trembling with anticipation as she dialled Jensen's number.  

It rang once, twice, before he picked up, he excuses himself and walked outside to the garden.  "Hey," he said softly, his tone filled with warmth. "How was the rest of your day?" 

Y/N smiled, feeling a rush of warmth flood through her at the sound of his voice. "It was okay," she replied, her voice tinged with excitement. "But it's better now that I'm talking to you." 

Jensen chuckled softly, the sound sending shivers down her spine. "I feel the same way," he admitted. "I've been thinking about you all day."  

Danneel watched him from inside the cozy warmth of their home, a nagging feeling tugging at her heart. He never walked away when having a phone call. 

She watched him pace back and forth, his voice low and hushed as he spoke into the phone. Her brow furrowed with concern as she tried to catch fragments of his conversation, but his words were muffled by the distance between them. 

A wave of uncertainty washed over her as she watched him, her mind racing with questions. What was he talking about? Who was he talking to? And why did she feel like he was keeping something from her? 

----

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#fanfic #jensen ackles #x reader #fluff #jensen fucking ackles #soldier boy #the boys #jensenedit #jensen ackles soldier boy #ben x reader #romance

[thefrogdalorian]

I think on this fine Saturday afternoon it's a good opportunity to take a breather and remember that there are really no ethical paparazzi pictures. Every single one is inherently exploitative.

Just because photos were taken on a movie set, when someone is 'working,' does not make the practice any less invasive and creepy. Imagine just going about your day, doing your job and having some weirdo snapping pictures of you to sell without your consent for others to endlessly repost online.

There are thousands of pictures of your favourite actor online already. Plenty taken with his knowledge and consent. I'd really like to see more of them on my dash, rather than the creeper shots.

And don't get me started how disseminating these pictures directly leads to people going to said sets. What starts off as admiring how good someone looks has real world implications.

No, hanging around a movie set and disrupting people doing their jobs is not harmless fun or a way to show your appreciation.

If you hang around a movie set, you are a stalker.

Don't tell me that it's okay to take your online admiration for someone offline. You may admire him but he does not, and will never, personally know you. He will never be your friend/boyfriend/daddy. He is a stranger.

The only way meeting your favourite actor is going to happen is at a convention or maaaaaybe a movie premiere if you're incredibly fortunate. You know, places they appear specifically to meet fans (or not in the case of premieres, where the purpose is to promote a movie. Which is also completely understandable if actors don't stop. You are not owed an interaction).

Of course, you cannot help it if you randomly run into someone you admire in the wild. Even then, consider that they probably won't be all too thrilled to be approached in public by a complete stranger. It's up to you to gauge the situation, but remember there is a person at the heart of all of this.

Boundaries and respect are a kindness which deserves to be extended to each and every human being regardless of their looks/talent/fame/wealth.

Fandoms blur those lines a little too often for my liking and I think just scrutinising what you're interacting with, or what behaviour you could be possibly falling down that slippery slope towards is nice to do every once in a while.

I mean no malice with this post and it is not directed at anyone in particular. It's something I cannot help but feel strongly about because I've seen this destructive cycle time and again in fandoms over the years. It's not healthy and it makes us all a little bit more disconnected from our humanity for it...

#not naming names but....... screw it #pedro pascal #pedro pascal fandom #accepting you will never interact with or meet this man will set you free from misery and jealousy i promise #he's great! if you think he's great watch another movie! write about a character! edit some photos of him! make gifs! #there are many MANY ways to engage with his work which don't include reposting creepy invasive photos taken without his consent #it's bs that this is just 'part of the job' because WHY... why should it be any different than any other job?? #i know we always venerate talent and put people on pedestals.... that's a tale as old as time #but seeing him blow up last year was wild to witness and some of the behaviour from newer fans is very disheartening to see #he's just a human who poops and farts and is a dick sometimes like the rest of us. let's not treat him like a god thanks #spud rants #a lot LOL #i've bottled this up for a bit because the way this developed in real time to people actually going to the set is. what #and don't 'if pedro was in your city' because NO??? i wouldn't STALK SOMEONE? there's 0 justification for it #i have far better things to do than stalk people #i may be an autistic flop but i'm not a CREEPY STALKER autistic flop thanks x #anyway like i said this is truly not @ anyone in particular and i don't think you are a terrible person if you interacted with the photos #but please just remember there is a person at the heart of all this #a very talented and attractive person yes... but a person all the same #i would truly hate to be famous it gives me so much anxiety just the thought of the constant scrutiny #good thing i never will be LOL #fandom wank #discourse

[andthebeanstalk]

the average person doesn't expect you to be a perfect ethical consumer, that's not possible for the vast majority of us. but what youre saying is it's better to do nothing at all and choose the worst possible options (sweat shops, overseas shipping waste, idea/product theft, all wrapped up in SHEIN) than to put even the tiniest effort in where you can.

[they are referring to this post]

What I said was "some people are doing literally everything they can to survive and have no extra bandwidth to spend extra time and money on their purchases, and it is cruel and therefore un-punk to gatekeep punkness and add additional shame to these people's lives based on that fact."

I think it's still a good thing to try to ethically consume; I literally never said it wasn't. I had never even heard of SHEIN before. Rather, I am much more concerned about what I saw as arbitrary gatekeeping based on ability and income.

And frankly how dare you claim that I am supporting sweatshops and abuse by saying that this additional work you are demanding (in this case, presumably, vetting every clothing company you buy from) is not always possible for people. It is not a light accusation to accuse me of supporting abuse.

"How dare you say we piss on the poor", Etc. 🙄 this isn't Twitter. You are determined to enforce moral purity, but you are failing to see the nuance.

Because when I say "no extra bandwidth," I mean no extra bandwidth. This is not the "car shows it's on E but actually secretly it has a lot of gas left" situation that abled people constantly assume disabled people mean when they say they are at their limit.

This is "the car has stopped moving, and to move it I'd have to break my body pushing it." This is "at a certain point, people will hit a wall in terms of money and time and energy, and any energy spent after that comes directly out of their life force."

So the argument "okay but just spend a little more time money and energy actually" is not a valid one.

And the argument "if you are not able to do this specific task, then it means you're not doing anything else to make the world a better place" doesn't exactly impress me either. You said yourself that it is impossible to be a perfectly ethical consumer for most people.

How do you know what else people are doing to resist oppression? How many hours per week until your standards are met?What if someone works 3 jobs? Does that mean it's harder to be a good person if you're poor?? Why do you get to decide what specific avenue of bettering the world is the most morally repugnant or acceptable? What kind of proof of goodness and effort would make you satisfied enough to lay off on the shame?? Who are you helping??

Clothing is a fundamental human need, and some of us have to buy cheap fucking clothes quickly. Billionaires are buying their seventh yacht this month. The people who own fast fashion companies are abusing their workers and putting local affordable clothing stores out of business - and this applies for basically every company with price points that low because governments are failing to regulate corporations to enforce basic human rights.

I have $300 to spend on a new wardrobe as my old clothes have fallen apart or become too small. Do you have a way for me to get a new winter coat, 3 flannels, 10 shirts, 3 dress shirts, new sandals, 10 pairs of pants, 5 bras, 12 pairs of socks, and 10 pairs of underwear within that budget and also definitely 100% ethically sourced, with free returns in case it doesn't fit? Or will I simply have to use the cheap stores?

I have about an hour to spend on this per week. Many mainstream stores doesn't make clothes in my size, and I am now in *year 5* of needing an electric wheelchair and being unable to get one; plus I live up a flight of stairs, so I can't even bring my walker out with me - so thrift shopping is not gonna cover this. Should I continue to wear small and tattered clothing until I have the time, money, and energy to meet your standards?

Did you know there are more empty homes in this country than homeless people? If I decide to splurge on only 100% ethically-produced products, and I can't make rent, and I become homeless, are YOU going to be there for me?? Or are you too busy litigating the endless tiny shames of poverty in your own community?

So I ask you again, are you SURE this is where you want to direct your punk energy?

Because there are a whole lot of rich people relying on people like us punching down and to the side instead of looking up to see where the money is going.

Because energy and time, as it turns out, are limited resources. And I would never expect you to secretly have more than you claim to have.

#original #punk #hopepunk #cripplepunk #i swear to god #reading comprehension website #how dare you say we piss on the poor #jfc 'what you're saying is we should do nothing' - what I'm saying is YOU are doing nothing by enforcing this boundary #you have to give people more credit than this. i believe you want a better world too. and it would be cool if you used your energy to #instead ask 'how do i fight for the people in my community to be clothed and have the time and income to shop ethically?' #or 'how do i support activism that pushes for regulation that could control these companies?' #monitoring how poor people spend money is a supremely Republican thing to do. as is demanding clear moral purity from every scenario. #you want a better world too. you want to demand your peers do better. - fine. good. #but you need to be asking if you have remembered and included everyone's needs when making statements like this. #capitalism is all for forgetting about poor and disabled people and refusing to believe their limits. #shame is a necessary weapon in fighting greed but it IS a weapon. be so careful where you point that shit. enough shame can kill a person #and a lot of us are already defending from it from all sides. #shaming a person who is already at their limit for not doing more is an act of cruelty. think very carefully about what that means please. #i literally don't even know what SHEIN is lol i just know classism when i see it #but I've had friends whose clothes were visibly falling apart with no income and so much so shame so deep in their hearts they were dying #and if they had seen that post it would have made them even sicker and gotten them no closer to the dignity of being properly clothed #shame is a weapon and /you need to be careful!!!!/

[moeblob]

Ananza realizing that Deacon's mom was a devoted follower of hers THEREFORE that's her son now, too! And she will dote on him and love him and never pick on him like all the other deities tend to do. That's her precious little boy who lives in another city and rarely gets to see her!

#my characters #deacon gets mocked for being weird by every other deity but her and ymber (though he does think hes a TAD weird) #and ananza is like NOPE THATS MY LIL BOY !!! I LOVE HIM! and after deacon and ymber leave from their visit #she gets all huffy with fulj because YOU COMPLAINED ABOUT DEACON SO MUCH ??? my sweet lil angel? #and fulj just what - hey wait - did we meet the same person? sweet lil angel? #also for if you care cause i definitely do #ananza is like hmmmm since thats my son now i HAVE to give him something but .... ymber is so protective.... #and then she is like OH YEAH ! ohime said deacon recognized my dance ! #then she is like deacon please come dance with me i formally request a dance come here away from him please here hey #and since deacon is a nice guy hes like ok but i cant really dance well and shes just noooo worries! #and then as they dance she slowly gets him away from ymber and after they are at a decent distance she just #takes his hands in hers and then FWOOSH there's a bunch of wind and deacon is left speechless like ??? what was that? #and so then she is so proud to say that while ymber placed a very PASSIONATE blessing on him she did no such thing! #it is a simple blessing for him since hes like a son to her and hey it might not make you immune to stuff like drowning #but if you are ever in combat which i hope you arent then you will be super duper agile and quiet #and so hes like oh thats pretty cool actually! hey wait what did you mean by passionate hey what #but then the super light footsteps actually are not simply for combat and now hes just a very tall quiet guy #and since he cant remember faces if he sneaks up on someone and they say AGAIN? HOW ARE YOU SO QUIET? hes just #im sorry i didnt mean.... to.... do that.... again.............. (whomst is this and how many times did i spook them) #and ymber is just really happy that thank goodness his blessing and ward act as a GPS and so at least HE knows when deacon is nearby #and fulj is like i hate him even more now did you know he nearly gave me a heart attack like two hours ago ??? this is a crime against me #anyway ananza and deacon are just cute together and hes her precious lil son!

[bookwyrminspiration]

this came to me in a vision

sorry but the problem is you, not me </3

#this is light hearted but I do genuinely not enjoy her #kotlc #kotlc discourse #kotlc ro #listen!! you can like to all you want! that’s totally fine! #personally I just don’t #she is insufferably and one sided to me #which I’ve talked about before so I won’t go into it in the tags if a shitpost #but just like. woof. she sure is. something #inspired by that one post that’s was like ‘when I see a female character and don’t like her I’m like sorry queen that’s on me I’m the proble #m I need to work on myself’ #and was thinking about it and went that’s not ro! I’m not sorry and I’m not the problem here #anyways #thought of this in the car and just now remember so I rushed to make it #enjoy #mom please stop scheduling maintenance workers to come to our house while I am in it

[softpine]

whoever the anon is that constantly finds a way to hate on elaine, please stop 😭 you’re entitled to dislike whoever you want, but it’s getting tiring to hear. i don’t want to block you because the other things you say are perfectly reasonable and i would be happy to answer them, but it’s clear at this point that nothing elaine does will satisfy you so i see no point in hashing it out

#i've been getting some messages that make me uncomfortable lately (not all from the same person i don't think) #and i feel really bad putting my foot down because i never want to alienate someone who's taking the time to read my story #so i just want to repeat again that everyone is entitled to their own opinion #and i love hearing all varieties of opinions but please please keep it respectful!! #this isn't a tv show forum where you can rant and rave without the creator ever seeing it #unfortunately i see it all 😅 #and i try not to take it to heart but i do put a lot of myself and my loved ones into these characters #so it's hard to hear such strong hatred for a personality trait that i have or my best friend has. etc #PLEASE continue to discuss each character's flaws and decisions though!! all i ask is that you keep it respectful #and remember that while these characters are not real.. many real people might relate to them #okay sorry for this ramble i feel like i repeated myself 10 times here lmao

[youremyonlyhope]

why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up

#i'm overthinking something that i did and was told off for doing by my director #and on my way home i was thinking when was the last time i was even talked to like that during a production #and then i remembered the costume experience from hell of only a couple months ago that i've already began blocking out #but the thing is that that person was someone i knew i'd never have to work with again #i mean at first i thought i would have to work with them more. then they announced they were moving away immediately #so i only had to deal with them face to face for another weekish after that point and anytime they yelled at me #i was like 'cool. i'll do exactly what you say to do. and nothing more.' but then of course me being me #i did some extra stuff and they initially were like 'oh that's pretty' and then days later told me to cut everything i added #and like sure i get that the show was frozen but girl. that costume was unfinished. i was trying to finish it. it was frozen but looked bad #anyway. whenever they yelled at me and had actual malice in their heart i was like whatever. i was hurt. but i didn't care as much. #but this time it's someone i've worked with many many times before and it was about a habit i have that i know isn't great #but at the same time the thing that prompted it wasn't even me doing this habit it was something else #but she interpreted it as that habit and said that i can't do that on a production she's directing #and that if i couldn't stop then i could pull out from the production and there'd be no hard feelings between us #and honestly i think her reassuring that she knows i'm valuable and that she wants me there while also telling me not to do this thing #and the fact that she's someone i like working with and will continue to work with just made it all hurt so much more #especially since she referenced another past production we've done where i didn't even realize she had noticed that i do this. #and i found myself in near tears. and still am kind of in near tears. i can't decide if i need to cry or not. #and i had NO sleep last night so i was looking forward to sleeping tonight but now i'm just overthinking EVERYTHING #and like. i know everything will be fine. if i just stop inserting myself and stick to just my specific tasks. it'll be fine. #but this is one of the ways my ocd manifests. i feel like i have to personally fix something i notice going wrong. or it'll be bad. #because every single time i choose to sit back and not be nosy when i notice something it ends up bad in a way i could have prevented #if i just inserted myself in a situation i technically wasn't part of but knew i could help or fix. so i just need to not do that. #but then i feel guilt if it does go wrong in the ways i immediately assumed it would and in a way i could prevent. #and i've been trying to work on this for like 6 months and aaaahhhh it's hard and being called out on it from her just really really hurt #i still may or may not cry. i don't know. the irony of me telling my therapist THIS MORNING that it's been a while since i last cried. #and the universe being like 'i took that as a challenge' and handing me this situation for me to spiral over. #i need to leave things alone. i need to stare straight ahead. and ignore whatever isn't specifically for me to do. but ahhh i want to help #and then of course my mom has this same habit and it annoys me when she does it yet i do it to other people and ahhhhhhhh #brain please just shut up. i need to sleep. i have to work tomorrow.

[gatun-gatunesco]

Fleabag

"People make mistakes... that is why they put a rubbers in the end of pencils"

#personal post #So i kind of forced myself to finish Fleabag season 1. Since the beginning i knew was not something i would see for pleasure #of course was very difficult as 1) i have become sex repulsed once again and 2) she is really fucked up. She needs a terapist #it was a recomendation from them and i knew i just see them in the character facing similar problems and similar way of thinking #the last episode hurts a lot and hurts me more after what happened between us. the decisions they made. the way it ended again #i know they wanted to talk about this. i shame myself once again as i was so late to do so. But yet again. i was right about my fears #about how i saw them reflected in her. how they were taking a similar bad road in life. how they mental illness was going to mess up all #after what happened with him. how they did not said anything. how they just give it all to please him and make a nice memory for him #after how they let him just go full gallop and basically let him use them in the most vulnerable moment so far... #i can only wish they learn. that they realize. that they finally could apply something from the life of another person. even if is fiction #after finishing this season. i can understand and let the anger that i had in me vanished just as fast as it came #but the sadness will remain. the event will remain. the need for me to stay away will remain. i can not help them anymore #it will only hurt me not being able to help. to feel powerless meanwhile i just see them going a downfall. mistake after mistake #i could not bear to see the person i cared the most being that fucked up and not try to help. but i already did that mistake. it finished u #my role as a caregiver is still so mixed within myself. as since my mistakes i would not force nor try anything without them doing it first #so. for them that are indecisive yet impulsive. that are people pleaser even when it hurt them deeply. naive with a gold heart #that want to be friends with all as they feel so lonely. Prisoners of they body and themselfs... #going that softly versus everyone else who is more assertive (even them in a impulsive moment) was not going to work just with words #but i can not do it in another way. i am more sensitive and delicate than one could guess just by looking at me. is not in my nature #forceful? nope. without caution? no. fast? no. i can not hold anger. i can not be unforgiving. Even when i always remember #i can still do damage. just not in a convetional way and is mostly involuntary. i am far from perfect but i am also far from terrible #i am a person who also had done mistakes. But being honest. excepting one i never did something so bad i could not forgive myself eventuall #and i say all this because even with all the pain that is forcing myself to stay away. i just hope they could find a healthy road again... #without the need to make more mistakes or do such things that they may not be able to fix or came back at all... #for them to not regret still being alive. to be happy in a good way without destroying themselfs #i just hope i can be able to see that one day. even if is just from far away and as a total stranger #because i like thing no one else would see and enjoy they beauty in they own unique way #vent post #vent tag #tw vent

[hella1975]

HELAL

I have a lot of stuff running through my mind rn and im in a hurry and idk if its going to make sense but oh well.

(its list anon and I have another thing to add to my 'favorite things about finding myself in Hellas circle of existence list thing)

The thing is how much your personality sinks through into your writing and blog thing.

Let me explain,

I lost internet for a few days and I just got it back and was scrolling through tumblr and noticed one of my mutuals reblog something of yours and I was like 'I havent been on the internet for like four days, I wonder what Hella has been up to.' and so I started stalking you (as one does) and like scrolling through your blog and everything and I came across the post you thinged about your hometown and about how shameful you are about your writing and that sent me into a spiral because I know the feeling and couldnt put it into words and I felt so called out.

Thats besides the point.

I had this thing to add to the list for a while and couldn't figure out how to explain it without seeming weird so Im just doing my best here.

It's like when you post things about the things that go on in your mind. I touched on this in my first list thingy with the whole 'when you post little snippets of whats going on in your mind and turn it into what I can only describe as poetyry' part. It's simular but it's not the same.

It's really easy to see someone and follow someone who is so eloquent and brilliant and hold them close to divinity and think about how untouchable they are, which seems weird because I'm on Tumblr of all places. But like when you follow your favorite authors on twitter or instagram and they seem almost inhuman. And sometimes it feels like being that talented is so unattainable because you're not them, you can't spew out flawless lines of words seemingly effortlessly and you cant come up with a plot that clever and even if you can't you can't give the story justice because you're not that good of a writer.

Even other writers on this site are like this and so...ethereal almost. I've mentioned before how a lot of other writer almost run their blog like a business and everything and you scroll through them and see people constantly sending them asks about their works and sending them fanart and people obsessing over their art and like I said it seems unattainable for your average person. Like I dont get that so maybe I'm not that good.

Then I come to your blog and you talk about situations I relate to and you don't hide your humanity and you talk about your classes in economics of all things and your home town and all your problems (while valid) are normal. You're more relatable than the other writers I follow at least.

I've mentioned in other asks ( I dont think they were list ones but they might have been idk ) that you inspire me a lot. This is why. Also the fact that you're my age (I'm 18) and your not in your 20s and you havent taken a decades worth of writing classes and you dont have a degree in literature. You're literally just person living a normal life. That's not to say other authors and writers arent just normal people but you just show it a lot more, idk.

Like reading things like taob and tbos and then going to your main blog and seeing the way you write your stuff in your mind and then going two posts down and your talking about normal things makes me think that maybe I can write something incredible too one day.

And the reason I have the ability to feel that way in relation to you and your stupid blog (affectionate) is because you let your normal personality show, not some robotic businessy- type personality.

That's not to say that I don't think your just an average person, average people can't describe things so rawly. But, like I said, you're not untouchable.

Based on what I see from you and what you show online, I really think that you have the potential to be great one day. Not that you should hold yourself and force yourself into a life you don't want, like if you don't want to be a famous writer, don't be. But I genuinely just hope that you grow up and find a career you're happy in.

More than anyone I see on the internet, you deserve to live a life that you absolutely love, no matter what that might be.

I said it before that I always feel really obsessive when I send asks like this, and I feel creepy, so if I come off that way I'm sorry. I just try to make it a point to tell people when I enjoy them as a person.

Also I have some songs that kind of remind me of you.

The first one if Vienna by Billy Joel. I think the chances of you not knowing this one is very slim because it's such as popular song right now. But it's my favorite song and it reminds me of you.

The other one is read all about it by Emili Sande (pt 3 is the best) I think this song is also pretty popular, it also might not be, idk. But it's one of those songs that not a lot of people that I show it to like. Idk why. The vocals are weird (in my opinion) but I love the lyrics.

If you already know these songs just ignore this part :)

ME WHEN LIST ANON:

#bestie beloved my best friend my rotten soldier listen let me tell you something listen listen #every time you send an ask like this i read it and then REFUSE to answer it for a while #(sorry about that) #and i just hold onto it sometimes for weeks sometimes for MONTHS #and it sort of feels like it's just you and me and it feels so special and i come back and reread it #because you make me fall a little in love with myself? not in a narcissistic way #but just in such a tender soft 'maybe things are going to be okay' way #because for how dark and messy it feels to BE me i forget that no one else sees that #and the person i fought so hard to be is someone people... like??? and admire??? to THIS extent #even if it's just one person it's such a euphoric feeling i cant explain it #please never stop sending these i mean yes you can i doubt youve got much to say anymore bc bestie youve sent an ESSAY at this point #(<- that feels like it comes across judgey but i am trying v hard to convey the adoration i have for these asks so i promise it's not LMAO) #god i just. yeah. thank you. genuinely from the bottom of my heart thank you #okay tears wiped away hair fixed eyeliner partially smudged SONG RECS #WHO THE FUCK DID YOU REC READ ALL ABOUT IT TO AND THEY DIDNT LIKE IT???? i'll hunt them for sport fr #i was OBSESSED with that song when it came out like even as a kid ive had this audio thing #where i completely hyperfixate on audios and that often includes songs (why did i never clock i had adhd) #like i remember being like 8 years old and putting 'in the ghetto' by elvis presley on loop on my barbie stereo #and my dad was like why the fuck is she listening to THAT of all things on loop SKDJHJSH #but ANYWAY THIS SONG WAS ONE OF THOSE SONGS I TOTALLY LATCHED ONTO #I PLAYED IT HUNDREDS OF TIMES GENUINELY #and omg vienna. beloved beautiful song and you saying it reminded you of me actually made me realise how ur asks make me feel #ur asks make me feel like im a girl in a song and it's just such a <33333 mf u give me butterflies #kisses u kisses u kisses u #ask

[jamietarttsdaddyissues]

The conversation between Higgins and Jamie in S2E8 warms my heart so much. Especially after reading the quote from Phil about how Jamie was asking people in his life who are good men to see if they act that way because they have good fathers. (Which makes him wonder if he can ever be a good man when he has a shit father).

This is another scene where we see Jamie so quiet and shy, something that just happens progressively more through season 2. He’s being vulnerable by asking Higgins these questions and it probably feels a bit scary or intimidating.

And when Higgins tells Jamie that his father is a VIP simply because he is related to Jamie (who Higgins himself sees as a VIP) and it makes Jamie smile!! And Jamie thanking Higgins for the conversation after!! Ugh the growth really jumped out.

I need more Jamie&Higgins interactions. Maybe at this years Christmas party??

#the only thing that rubs me the wrong way a bit in this scene is when Higgins says he tries loving is his father for who he is #and forgiving him for who he isnt #which I don’t blame Higgins for at all because he was just saying what he does personally #but I hope Jamie didn’t take that entirely to heart as advice #because I don’t think he should feel the need to show any love or understanding towards his father #and I’m sure Higgins would agree if he knew what James Sr was like #I wonder what Higgins thought when he heard about Wembley #and remembered back to that little interaction with Jamie #plus Jamie’s general behavior in S1 #and all of the puzzle pieces falling into place #Higgins is such a fatherly guy too I bet he’d be so sad for Jamie #can Ted and Higgins just both adopt Jamie please #Jamie can have 6 brothers!!