#i am a person who also had done mistakes. But being honest. excepting one i never did something so bad i could not forgive myself eventuall

[tobyfier]

The Mailman

Ah yes, the mailman. The new resident in the apartment, the complete opposite of milkman, aka Francis Mosses. How does Francis feel about the new person in the apartment? Will he hate him or not? Continue reading to find out!

;Male Reader

(P.s English is not my first language, feel free to correct my mistakes!This is also written from Francis’ pov)

ᯓ★ ᯓ★ ᯓ★ ᯓ★ ᯓ★ ᯓ★ ᯓ★ ᯓ★ ᯓ★ ᯓ★ ᯓ★ ᯓ★

I didn’t exactly know how to feel about the new resident of the apartment, however I did know his name. M/n L/n was it? Yes, I thinks so. He was..energetic to say the least, quite the surprise considering the current situation about doppelgängers. The other residents didn’t seem to mind his personality, in fact they all seem to like him a lot..If I had to be honest I envy him.

I mean who wouldn’t? He’s nice,energetic,approachable,and pretty charming. Not to mention he seems to enjoy his job as a mailman, while I’m stuck here being the boring milkman. Nobody really approaches me, saying I look intimidating and not much of a social guy..rude but technically yeah, I could care less about socializing and I only want to finish my job for the day so that I could go home, I never really had much of an interest for romance or socializing with other people. But he seems to be the complete opposite, whenever we was by each other he would always flash me a smile and greet me. I never really say hi back but he doesn’t seem to mind that at all. And whenever he delivers a message or package he would always make small talks with the person, whether it be how their day was or how the weather looks nice. Sometimes I wonder how someone can be so sociable with others.

One time he started talking to me ranting something about space and how he likes stars, he wouldn’t stop ranting. And so I told him to stop talking and left..the next day I was doing my usual job as a milkman, delivering milk to people who ordered when I saw him going house to house delivering a mail or a package. And when we went pass each other, I expected him to ignore me considering I rudely left him on the street yesterday. But he greeted me morning as usual..he’s such a strange and unpredictable man.

Few weeks later..

“Hm..” I hummed as I press the doorbell of the house, I put the bottle of milk down and continued walking to the next house. I could already hear the person talk about how much of a loner I am, just like the other houses..ugh I just want this deliveries to get done fast so I can go home and lay down on my bed..Ah there he is again with his upbeat personality, as usual. How can someone talk so much, if I ever tried that I would be tired before I can even manage to say a paragraph. What if I try to greet him back this time, would be nice if I change my pace a bit, right?

“Morning Mr. Mosses, nice to see you again once more!” He greeted, tipping his hat down as he flash me a smile.

“Morning to you too, L/n.” I greeted walking past him, I could tell he stopped walking for a few seconds because I didn’t hear his footsteps, I walked pass him so many times to the point I could distinguish his footsteps from others..would that be weird for others? I looked back to see that he wasn’t walking anymore, rather skipping like a happy person..cute..

Timeskip

Ugh finally, this day is finally over. I could go back home and rest..once the metal door opened I went inside and gave the doorman my ID and blah blah blah, the usual routine. After checking that I was the actual person, they finally opened the door to let me in the apartment. I walked up the stairs to the third floor which was tiring to say the least, and went to get my keys in my pocket. Once I got it I led the key to the knob but noticed something, the door that led to M/n’s room wasn’t lit up as usual. Usually he opens the lights after he’s back from his job, perhaps he’s later than usual? I sighed, it’s probably nothing I’m probably-

“Oh Mr. Mosses!” He greeted, I turned my head to see him standing beside me except..he doesn’t have his hat on, is this the first time I’ve seen him without it? “Looks like you got here first!”

“What do you mean?” I asked him, a bit confused

“Oh it’s nothing..” he said quickly “and uh-here!” He handed me a letter but it’s not showing the front, hold on a letter for me?

“Oh thank-“ before I could even thank him, he was already closing the door, he seems to be in a hurry. I checked the letter to see who it was from and saw that there was a heart, a love letter? But from who.. “From M/n L/n; to Francis Mosses..” I muttered.

Maybe he’s not as bad as I thought..

#thats not my neighbor #francis mosses #francis mosses x male reader #francis mosses x reader #thats not my neighbor x male reader #thats not my neighbor x reader #x male reader #x reader

[crimswnred]

LITG TEMPTING FATE: thoughts and concerns

not that you care but i was working and only now I have the time <3

as always i wish the narrator would just shut up

"me and jack are so honest with each other except for, you know, the times we weren't" isn't she embarrassed?

you and theo are OVER claudia, bffr

Emel is always praising me, like. "mc is so right, mc is always on the right, if mc said so then i guess it's fine". i guess I'm MOTHERING

why's sophie going through my wardrobe, we are enemies

Theo is so damn cocky I can't with him

Claudia... babe... JACK? REALLY? JACK?

not Claudia slutshaming Theo

MC CALLING JIN MY MAN I DON'T EVEN CARE IF I'M RIGHT

but ofc I was

these secrets are boring

OHHHHH FINALLY A JUICY ONE. like, breaking up with a fling through voice noteto be on love island oh boy

lmao Claudia saying "oh, it's Theo" at least she knows the boy's trash

oh noooo sophie's a cheater? who would've thought??

Uh, Homeland mentioned 🇧🇷

boring secret for us again

"Stop being so enamoured with her baggage" looool

OAKLEY IS SO UNSERIOUS.

sorry Jin this is for science, look away

JIN??????? YOU DON'T EVEN EXERCISE HOW WOULD YOU RUN A MARATHON?

Oh, that's how. Ok, then, next!

and you're telling me Oakley is supposed to be the serious guy when he keeps CRACKING ME UP

THE BOYS ARE FIGHT AYOOOOOO

Jack why don't you just fucking k- [REDACTED]

Jin is so so so sweet I love every little interaction I love every joke I love every single word I read with his name on top of it. I just love how he always say the right things I might be in love yall

ANOTHER CHALLENGE? SOMEONE PLEASE END THIS NIGHTMARE

We get it sophie you and jack had sex jesus fucking christ

oh my god, they keep coming up with drama that happened before us being there and it's always something i really couldn't care less about

"NOT CHEESE... MY NEMESIS"

Sophie has done every single mistake possible, in another life she'd be my best friend

Theo I won't drop Jin for you sorry

this challenge has been more enjoyable than the last one, I'll give them that

Jin makes me a better person because why am I now helping Jack and Sophie when I hate both of them

I can't blame them for voting me and Jin for the cringiest couple, I cringe at the dialogue all the time too

WHAT THE FUCK

EVERYTHING WAS GOING FINE THE EVIL (JACK AND SOPHIE) WAS DEFEATED AND THEN YOU DUMP MY MAN????

YOU DUMP JIN??

SHUT UP! SHUT UP! NOO

LET ME WALK OUT I WANNA WALK OUT

fusebox you're the devil but I'll give you some credit this week, you kept this season interesting for me and also put me in a tough spot since I flirted with literally 3/4 of the remaining islanders. it better not go south after this

#litg #litg s8 #litg tempting fate #bia plays season 8 #love island the game #give me jin back thank you

[styusha-10]

Sherlock Holmes was an otherworldly creature indeed. I am no man of superstition, although I vaguely remember my grandmother’s tales of daione sìth. Holmes did not distinctly resemble any of the fair folk, these light, ethereally beautiful golden-haired men and women, and yet somehow he gave the same impression. His smooth, almost catlike movements reminded me of cait-sìth and, in all honesty, during investigations he often was the very picture of a predator pursuing the prey or cat playing with mice. I could easily imagine him in the highlands of my homeland, windy and boundless, as to my mind he had the soul of Scottish winds, but I also understood perfectly well that there was no place for him anywhere except in London, hustling and bustling and pulsating with life, crimes and mysteries.

He was not completely detached from the human world, basically having an excellent understanding of human affections, related to the motives of crimes, such as love or envy, though his knowledge clearly came from prolonged observation rather than from personal experience. He was wise enough to seek my aid when something eluded his understanding, which I prefer to consider as a sign of trust on his part.

He was too theatrical or too aloof at times — traits that I mostly attribute to the eccentricity inherent in genius. He also aged much more slowly than me, but this could easily be associated with our slightly spreading ages and his lack of habit of taking anything too personally, which I am often guilty of. Although in the decade we knew each other, I turned almost half gray, and he remained largely the same, except for a couple of new wrinkles and heavier bags under his eyes.

His voice was the voice of a siren or ben-varrey and he had a natural gift of instantly capturing the attention of everyone in the room with the help of said voice and some kind of internal magnetism, which made people instinctively trust him and obey him.

And yet my favourite of his many noble traits I dedicated myself to immortalise was perhaps his benevolence. With such a mind, such power, it would be too easy to use it for evil, something we had unfortunately seen too many times. His gaze on me which I felt quite often was never heavy or insolent and had not ever bothered me. Clients — those at least who seemed nice and did not irritate him immediately — he treated with kind patience, amiable interest and generous if sometimes mannered hospitality, being rude not out of intention to offend, but simply out of his energetic, eccentric nature.

“I am afraid I have accidentally enchanted you, my dear friend", he suddenly said, somewhat sadly and apologetically, one quiet evening on Baker Street. “That kind of devotion that you show to me cannot be expected from any man under normal circumstances.”

“That kind of devotion,” I thought to myself ruefully later that night, “has nothing in common with sidhe’s enchantments.”

This is my first attempt to capture Jeremy Brett's magnificence, and I feel like I haven't done him justice, so there will probably be other takes. Also first attempt in publishing something on Tumblr and nearly first — in writing in English, so feel free to point out any mistakes.

Following a long and good fandom tradition, I consider Watson to be Scottish, hence the writing of almost all the creatures mentioned in Scots.

The cat-sith, whose existence I learned about unacceptably late and did not change anything much, is hunting in the Scottish wastelands. It has an unhealthy addiction to corpses, so it is recommended to distract him with games and riddles, as well as warmth. Doesn't remind you of anyone? However, while writing, I mostly thought about the classic sidhe, adjusted for, uh, almost everything.

I don't know myself whether he is a magical creature, think what you want. To be honest, being portrayed as a magical creature seems unfair to Holmes as a character — part of his charm for me is precisely the fact that he is human, an outstanding human being.

#granada holmes #sherlock holmes #jeremy brett #ficlet #poorly blended fairytales #sorry to all folklorists out there

[coffeeheartaddict2]

Wicked Game

Book: open heart (post series)

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x Casey Ramsey

Featuring: Tobias Carrick and Estelle Campion

Catergory: Angst

Rating: mature end of PG

Warnings: language

Summary: A person from Tobias and Ethan’s past appears at Edenbrook.

———-

She walked towards the hospital. The Edenbrook sign, a beacon to many. She had not been on the East coast since graduating from Hopkins, eager to escape the mistakes she made. She would not have been here now except for a fantastic research opportunity that piqued her interest. She was an accomplished Oncologist and the study she was about to embark on for the treatment of Thyroid cancers was enough to make her want to face her past.

It had been 17 years since she had seen Dr Tobias Carrick and Dr Ethan Ramsey. She missed them both but she missed Ethan the most. She knows she should have stayed that night to hear him out and let him solve his issues and allow him the time to fall but hearing that you don’t think you are falling in love will make you do impulsive things and what happened the rest of the night she still regrets. She had heard how both men had reconciled, working together to bring down a CEO possessed, she hoped that time would have healed the wounds and allow herself and Ethan another chance and another chance at friendship with Tobias.

Her first stop was HR to sign all the paperwork and get her ID. After that she was given a tour. She was mainly here for research but she was also seconded to the Oncology department. All the facilities were state of the art, she had about the scandal around the previous CEO Leland Bloom but the hospital under the running of his ex-wife had gone from strength to strength and it showed. Whilst in the research wing, she was talking to her new colleagues when Dr Carrick walked past. He stopped as he thought he was hearing things but then he looked. She was older, hair shorter and a slightly different shade of ash blonde but it was her, Dr Estelle Campion. Tobias continued on his way, shocked. Neither him or Ethan cared to follow up on where Estelle ended up after graduating at Hopkins, both reeling from the drama that was inflicted by an alcohol induced poor decision. It took 14 years for Ethan and Tobias to get to a place to reconcile and their friendship renewed. He hoped she was not here to cause trouble but he knew how ruthlessly she tried to get together with Ethan before turning towards him again.

Ethan was in his office attending to some paperwork. He was enjoying the hybrid role of being chief but still being able to practice medicine. He still hated the administrative part but he got better at doing the role and this part became easier. There was a knock at his door, it was Tobias and he looked like he had seen a ghost.

“What is up Tobias?”

“You do not want to know who I just saw in the research wing?”

Ethan looked perplexed.

“First name Este….”

Tobias was unable to get the name before Ethan asked if Tobias was joking.

“Believe me, I wish I was. It was her. She maybe 17years older than we last laid eyes on her but it was her.”

“What is she doing here?”

“She was talking to some people in the labs when I saw her, I did not stick around to find out. It was enough of a shock seeing her.”

“I agree, if I am being honest, If I saw her again it would be too soon.”

Tobias left and Ethan collected his thoughts. There were so many questions. Why was she here? In one level he assumed it was for work but given the shared history that he and Tobias had with her, he was sure that was not her only reason. He continued with his work.

Estelle was finished for the day. She was quite shocked to hear that Ethan was chief of the free clinic and diagnostics team. She knew he had done well career wise and knew that he would lead the team he was anxious to be on all those years ago but she knew he also hated administration so that struck her as odd. She found out where his office was and made her way there.

There was a knock at his door. Ethan called out it was open.

“So it is true then?”

Ethan looked up and schooled his features.

“Estelle, what brings you here?”

“Happy to see you too Ethan.” She said, all too happily.

“I am here to work on a research project on the treatment of thyroid cancers and of course working in Oncology.”

Ethan nods.

“The years have been very kind to you…” Estelle wants to continue, then she spots his wedding band. She is shocked to see it and mortified that she had not heard that he is married.

Ethan, sensing Estelle’s shock, tells her that he is happily married. He does not tell her how long for or who with.

Estelle says congratulations and makes her exit.

Married! She can not believe it. Lots of questions going around her head. Could he have changed so much that he fell in love? Who was this woman he married? She must have made an impression. The Ethan she knows did not enter into relationships lightly and she got the distinct impression that he would never marry.

The next day came. She stopped off at Derry Roasters and spotted Ethan, he was not alone. He was with a woman, whom Estelle presumed was Mrs Ramsey. She looked significantly younger than him, very pretty. Estelle found a spot near them, being careful not to be seen. She could not hear what they were saying but what she was witnessing was not the Ethan she knew. The Ethan she knew was not one for public displays of affection, she had also never seen him be so relaxed. She took her leave. She wanted to be happy for him, but at the same time she still wanted him and she decided right then and there that she was still going to try and get him back.

She was so deep in thought when she entered the hospital that she bumped into Tobias.

“What are you doing here Dr Campion?”

“So formal for an old friend?”

“We are not friends Estelle, have not been so for a long time and that will not change any time soon.”

“Well if you and Ethan can patch things up, surely we all can too?”

“Dr Campion, the last time you tried to patch things up, you were so close to getting a complaint of sexual harassment against you and at the earliest convenience tried to get your way with me again so excuse me for being sceptical.” Said Tobias defiantly.

“Well if Ethan can marry some pretty young thing then miracles can happen.”

Tobias’s blood begins to boil. Tobias takes Estelle to a quiet area of the lobby.

“You listen to me Dr Campion, there will be no forcing of miracles. I do not know why you are here but if you get between the Doctor’s Ramsey it will be your funeral. If either of us were inclined to reconcile in any way with you, we would have reached out. Good day Estelle.”

Tobias made a quick get away and went to find Ethan and Casey. It may have been 17 years since everything went down but he did not trust her, not a single bit. Meanwhile Estelle had some more information, so whomever he married changed her name, this was going to make it easier to find out who he married.

Tobias found Ethan and told him of his encounter with Estelle. Ethan wanted to be surprised that Estelle was wanting to mend fences but he was not and he had to agree with Tobias, given her reaction to the news that he was married. Casey had heard about Estelle from both men, having heard both sides of the fallout. Casey asked what if she only wants to be friends. Ethan stated that he was her most serious relationship in college, she often got who she wanted and he can recall a few instances of her getting that person back so myself and Tobias not playing her game was a shock.

“We deliberately lost track of her after she graduated.” Stated Tobias. “Part of it was a vain attempt on my part to keep our friendship but mainly because she lied to me, hurt Ethan and used me in the process to do so.”

Casey then became resolute to avoid her at all costs.

Estelle kept off Ethan and Tobias’s radar for the next few weeks, which had both men pleased but they knew that this was not going to be the case forever. Whilst off their radar however, she did do some research. She spoke to Dr Yannick, she found out about Casey. The Ethics trial, the bio attack, curing of Dr Banerji and how she is the co-leader of the diagnostics team with Dr Carrick. She was slightly impressed, especially since it seemed like she was in part similar to the Ethan she knew in medical school but she did have to wonder, did Casey truly love Ethan and vice versa.

The research was gratifying and was well worth coming to Boston but she only had a finite amount of time. She wanted Ethan in some way, preferably romantically but she would try to be satisfied with friendship but Tobias and Ethan would not give her the time of day. Desperate times called for desperate measures.

Today there was no Tobias, so it was just Casey. Estelle knocked on the door and Casey was surprised to see her. Casey sized up Estelle. Casey could see physically why both men were attracted to her but she did not like what she heard. She did seem nice enough on the surface but the vindictiveness, the lying to get her own way she could not comprehend. She knew Ethan had trust issues from Louise but as far as Casey was concerned, it was Estelle that made them worse and she understood not only Ethan’s but also Tobias’s reluctance to befriend her again.

“What can I do for you Dr Campion?”

“Please call me Estelle, I just wanted to say hello and meet the woman who managed to take Ethan off the market.”

“Well you have met me, now I must get to work.”

“Well, just like Ethan then, don’t forget to play also.”

Casey sharply took a breath in, “I do not know what you are playing at Dr Campion but I assure you, I know that working all the time is bad, but I am really busy…”

“What, so you keep yourself busy to avoid your husband?”

Casey was on her way to the door and she stopped. Her blood beginning to boil.

“No Dr Campion, I am busy because we have several cases that the team is working on and we are down a team member. You do not know the man Dr Ramsey has become Dr Campion. Now I must get going.”

“Does he truly love you? He was always reluctant to let himself fall and did not believe in the institution so I find it odd that you know him better than me, despite yours and his marital status. What did he knock you up and things did not work out? The Ethan I know would only marry out of obligation or if it made sense too.”

That comment hit Casey below the belt. Her and Ethan were not at the point where they wanted to try again after the missed miscarriage but they were through the worse of the grief and that comment hurt. Casey turned around slowly.

“It has been 17 years since you fucked things up with Ethan. People can change and from where I am standing you have not, well not much anyway. If you thought you could get to Ethan through me, you are sorely mistaken.”

Casey then stormed out, trying in vain to stop the tears from falling. She ducks into the nearest supply closet and lets the tears fall. She eventually regains her composure and gets on with her day. Aurora could sense that Casey was distant and upset and cautiously brought the topic up at lunch. Casey told her about the confrontation she had with Dr Campion that morning. Aurora was mortified. Aurora asked if Ethan was aware and she said no, not yet, he was in meetings all day today but she was going to tell him tonight.

The rest of the day went by with no issue and importantly no more encounters with Estelle Campion.

Home time came. Ethan noted on the way home she appeared distant. He waited until they were seated for their meal before asking what was the matter.

Casey told him about how Dr Campion came to the office, wanting to meet her and that she would not take no for an answer, instead insinuating that she was working to avoid you and that you only married me out of obligation, even having the audacity to assume that you knocked me up. Casey then burst into tears again. Rage was coursing through Ethan’s veins. He took a deep breath and went to hug Casey.

“I did believe then that marriage was not for me, but I never met anyone who loved me the way you do and back then, I did not feel worthy of love, even when I first realised that I love you, I still felt unworthy. I did feel something before the searing hatred I feel towards her right now but I know it was not love. You are the only woman I truly love.” He kisses Casey on the side of the head.

The next day comes. Ethan is still fuming from what Casey told him about her confrontation with Estelle. Casey is still upset too. They go off to conduct their respective duties for the day. Casey is catching Tobias up on the team's patients when he notices that Casey is upset. She tells Tobias that she had a rather unpleasant encounter with Dr Campion. Tobias wished that he was surprised but he was not. The person he remembered got nasty when it looked like she was not going to get what she wanted and it was clear that the leopard had not changed her spots.

Tobias kept seeing Estelle all day and it took all of his fortitude to not confront her about Casey. Ethan however had no such qualms. He paged Dr Campion to meet him in his office. Estelle was excited to see the page and was looking forward to her meeting. Little did she know that her assumptions were going to be proved very wrong.

She arrived at Ethan’s office. Ethan was not pleased to see her.

“Is it true?” He asked through gritted teeth, trying to remain calm.

“Is what true Ethan?”

“Playing coy now are we? Or are you going to stand there and deny everything you said to my wife yesterday?”

Estelle was taken aback. “Yes I introduced myself to your wife but that is all that happened.”

“All that happened!” Exclaimed Ethan. “How the fuck in your twisted mind can you insinuate that I do not love my wife as introducing yourself?” Ethan took a deep breath to try and quell his anger.

“I thought it a valid question Ethan, you never believed in the institution, hell even finding it difficult to believe that you fell in love with someone at all.”

Ethan banged his hand down on the desk very hard, Estelle jumped. She had not seen Ethan this angry.

“I did not believe in the institution and yes I have always had a complicated relationship with love but unlike you, Dr Campion I grew up, actually dealt with some of the issues that held me back and met a gorgeous woman with the patience of a saint. We love each other very much, and people like you who are stuck in the past will not get between us.”

Estelle is shocked to her core.

“I just want us all to be friends again Ethan, and you and me together like I wished we could be.”

Ethan took another deep breath. He had hoped it was not her end game.

“That ship sailed the night you walked out of my apartment and eventually ended up in bed with Tobias. I did feel something for you then, but it was not love. All I feel for you know is hatred. I know you are here on a study but you will not engage with myself, Tobias or Casey. We will never be friends and certainly will never be anything more than that. It is clear to me that you have not changed. Now leave.”

Ethan turns around and Estelle makes her way to the door. She stops and says “We could have been great together you know?”

Ethan ignored her and she left.

She left the floor in a daze. How could he have changed so much? She thought that time made the heart grow fonder but it appeared that was only partially correct. In her daze she did not see Tobias until she bumped into him. Tobias looked like he was going to go off at her but she said “don’t worry I will be finished here soon and I will leave you all alone.” Before rushing off.Tobias hoped that Estelle was speaking the truth.

The last few weeks of the study went by mercifully quickly. She stayed away from Ethan and Tobias. The study was a success but personally her trip was a failure. True she had not anticipated how much Ethan and Tobias had changed but she had hoped to be friends with them again and it was clear that this would never happen. She went back to Seattle, saddened but at least she had closure and she had to be content with the fact that her, Ethan and Tobias were not meant to be in any way.

Ethan and Tobias were a little too pleased to see the back of Dr Campion, both were astonished at how little she had changed but were both glad that she had not forced a wedge between them again.

Authors note: you have to love random thoughts! I hope you enjoyed this ride. Yes Estelle really did hold a flame for Dr Ramsey that long but did nothing to force it until the invitation to help out on a study. Of course a lot can change in 17years which she had not anticipated.

Tagging: @jerzwriter @jamespotterthefirst @genevievemd @schnitzelbutterfingers @binny1985 @bex-la-get @crazy-loca-blog @a-crepusculo @potionsprefect @liaromancewriter

@choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics

#open heart #ethan ramsey #choices fanfic writers creations #casey valentine #tobias carick #Estelle campion

[patrocles-you-bitch]

Alright, so it’s been a while, but a lot of shit has happened and the one person I rlly want to talk to isn’t available so… enjoy..? This is really just a way for me to get things out/ have a place to think, feel free to ignore.

Backstory to understand the sitch:

1. I have an Indian mom, who’s always been very on me about my grades, this leading me to place the entirety of my self worth onto my grades and reaching 90s avg all through my school (except Gr 12, which I’ll get to). She’s also very emotional, and prone to getting in these furious moods when she’s really mad at us (not always unprompted but sometimes more traumatizing and unnecessary than anything else)

2. I wanted to get into the life sciences program this year, which I did, but not to my top choice. Even so, I have absolutely no idea what my end goal is, my mom is very very annoyed at this.

3. I’m an immigrant, a brown, gay, immigrant.

4. Last year (Gr 11) I broke thanks to the pandemic. Mental health went to shit, became even worse and led me to self harm and such. Parents found out, got therapy, mom backed off the pressure this year so I wouldn’t be as stressed.

Okay now to the thing:

I’m currently in burnt out gifted kid syndrome. But I’ve also become very lazy, if I’m being honest. And I know this, I know I’m wasting my potential but I found myself left without ANY motivation this year. Up until 12, I had equated my worth to my marks, as had my parents- but then I was trying to learn how to be mentally stable and stop that. I didn’t realize just how horrible that would be for me.

I used to be good at math, like, really good. It was my thing, numbers fascinated me and I loved working with them. Then advanced functions hit hard, and I was left with an 82 for the final avg and a 78 in Chem. I retook Chem in nightschool second Sem and ended with a 90, but now my calc mark is at a 66. I know I could’ve done so much better on my calc, if I tried more, if I dropped the extra course I def didn’t need, but my thoughts just went back to “oh but that course helps keep you mentally stable” or “mh matters more and you’re doing your best”. I wasn’t doing my best. My program is literally very science and maths based, and if I can’t get through gr12 math how the fuck am I supposed to do uni?

My mom had the same question. A couple week ago I had a panic attack during my calc test. Leading me to failing the test and needing a makeup (which I might write tmrw). I didn’t tell anyone in my family, cause even tho I knew they’d see the report card, I just couldn’t let them see how much of a failure I’d become. Not yet anyways. Unfortunately, my mom found out about the test because she saw an email I had sent my teacher about it. This ensues the chaos, the regrets, disappointments, screaming, and anger.

She says that she’s mad at herself for not continuing to push me, for letting me take my life into my own hands because now I’ve gone and ruined it, have shorty marks and have let my life go to rot. That if I can’t even do tests and stuff in high school, or get through them without panic attacks, then how am I supposed to face life? Because profs won’t go “oh nooo you had a panic attack? You’re depressed? Sure I’ll give you a makeup test” And then she told me that I wasn’t ready for uni, I don’t even have a proper endgame, and should take a gap year. So that I can collect my thoughts, retake the math courses, and then do it again.

I have literally been working years to get to uni, and now I’m doubting my ability to do anything. There are 2 main perspectives I have for this.

1. I know how horrible time year has been, I can very clearly see every single mistake I’ve made and know what I could’ve done to fix them. I’ve learned a lot, honestly, and I want to do better, I know I can. I’m aware of what’s taken my focus away and I know where to put more energy. This has honest to gods been a very rough learning experience, one i intend to grow from and am happy I got to experience. And I know that I really really want to try in university, I want to experience it and succeed and excel. Make my family proud, as it were.

2. I don’t know if I’m ready. I can see every single mistake and am terrified of repeating the same mistakes, but on higher stakes. My mom said that I’m just like my uncle, or that she sees the resemblance anyways, and that not who I am or who I want to be. There’s a literal example in the family and I don’t want to turn into him. I refuse. I didn’t even see how they were related and now I do, and I hate it , because I really did take my eye off the ball. It’s too late to fix things this year, but I want to try and continue learning and refreshing my math in the summer, so that I’m better prepared. Make myself a real schedule for it and follow through. But still (if my mom allows) be able to see my friends before everyone leaves.

A part of me thinks that she’s right. Knows it, more like. That I would never have succeeded as well if it weren’t for the pressure cooker she put me in. But also, if I’m being honest, I want to push back against that. Because I wouldn’t be in the same cooker at uni. I would be so much farther away and no consequence would seem real. Meaning there’s more of a chance I would’ve made the same mistakes I made now, but in a larger scale. I have the experience of being my cut free now, my brain automatically didn’t know how to handle it and went loose too. It’s basically psychology , I know what happened to my brain. And I’m still happy that I was left alone this year because that means that I got to see, and understand what this really feels like. I think that this would help me succeed next year. That, or I’m full of crap. I don’t know. What I do know is that my moms is tired and disappointed in me, rightfully so, and she doesn’t know what to do with me know. She wants me to give her my life plan (career wise) and tell her why I acc want to study science, and if I think I’m ready for uni. But then wtv I try to say, she’ll say that I’m just saying that to make them happy, and she’s sick of the bullshit. So, I don’t know how I can try to make her understand, try to build her faith and trust in me, I’m the fact that I can do it, can succeed in uni. I don’t know, I’m just kind of sorry about my existence.

#burnt out #gifted kid burnout #kinda depressing #i’m terrified

[korasonata]

Joe and Cleo model streams extended cut Part 2! (Streams 3 and 4)

—

STREAM 3

—

Cleo (reading chat): “Be careful with that thing” Im very careful with knives. Except for that time when I wasn’t.

—

Cleo (in response to chat asking about her friend Corpse): Corpse is not my husband. Ok? And they wouldn’t be anyway. Because they.

—

Cleo: I’m very confused Joe. I don’t know how to feel.

—

Cleo: Ok. I can do that. We can do that chat! I believe in you and myself…I- I don’t. I’m not gonna lie, I don’t.

Joe: That’s why you got me here to believe in you!

Cleo: Awww, thanks Joe!

Joe: You’re welcome Cleo!

—

Cleo (reading chat): “Black beer or clear beer?” No beer! I don’t believe in beer, it’s fictional. That’s just how it goes.

Joe: Yeah. Some days you eat the bear, some days the bear eats you.

—

Joe: One of my viewers asks “are you and Cleo real life childhood friends?” Yes, obviously as you can tell from our accents—

Both: We grew up—

Joe: On the same block—

Cleo: Yeah.

Joe: Uh, along the Thames there—

Cleo: Yes.

Joe: You know, we took different paths in life. Cleo obviously went to university and perused geology and teaching, whereas I ended up with an asbo and a bunch of weird telekinetic powers and things just kind of went wild from there.

Cleo: Yeah.

Joe: But now we’re back together again.

Cleo: Yeah! I mean— I mean after you saved the world a few times. It’s, ah…it’s necessary it— it felt right. To come back together.

Joe: Yep. It’s just— it’s just…it was time.

Cleo (reading chat): You thought Joe Hills was from Glasgow? Oh no no no no no no. No no, same— it’s a cockney accent, can’t you tell?

Joe: Yeah, that’s why I’m so good at rhyming.

Cleo: *snickering* I don’t think they believe us.

—

Joe: What is the British equivalent of a coffee shop?

Cleo: Umm…a coffee shop.

—

Joe: It looks like piece 3/4 will make sense at some point in the future.

Cleo: But today is not that day. And to be honest, tomorrow’s not looking great either.

—

Cleo (reading chat): *laughing* Joe thinks everyone is as well adjusted as he is!

Joe: Oh, I’m terribly adjusted! Do not adjust your Joes! It won’t help, we’ve tried!

—

Joe (reading chat): “You all heard Cleo say Joe would look good in shorts right?”

Cleo: *heavy sigh*

Joe: I mean, I’m gonna say, I’m not getting as much exercise as I used to, so it’s- don’t get your hopes up Cleo.

Cleo: I- I-…I mean, there’s only one person I wanna see in shorts and it’s not you, so we’re all good.

—

Joe (in British accent): Spot on.

Cleo: Better. You’re getting better at that you know. You’re not great, but you’re getting better.

Joe: Yeah. Well the thing is I need to be able to blend when I’m there. You know I don’t wanna call attention to myself in my accent.

Cleo: …Joe?

Joe: Yeah?

Cleo: Nothing you ever do is blendable.

Joe: …That explains why I’m so bad at painting. And making margaritas. Just kidding, I’m great at making margaritas. The secret is to get real Cointreau.

Cleo: I…Don’t— I’ve never really had a margarita.

Joe: WHAAAAAAAAAT??!!?!

—

STREAM 4

—

Joe: So, I’ve got to cut up the last couple pieces from my fourth page out of 17.

Cleo: Is this where I tell you I’ve got about 6 pages left on the dot?

Joe: Out of how many, though?

Cleo: Out of about…14?

Joe: Wow, so you’re like, halfway there.

Cleo: Well, literally the instructions say I’m halfway there. Although—

Joe: Oh really? They congratulate you on that?

Cleo: W—no, they—they—……thanks Joe…

—

Joe: I bet whoever makes those models, now that you and I are getting them back in vogue, it’s like “oh no! If only I hadn’t sold the last one to Cleo, I could sell 1000 of these today.”

Cleo: I mean, I don’t think anybody in the stream is going to go out and buy one when they’ve seen what it’s done to us. And our souls. Or lack thereof.

—

Joe (reading chat): “If Joe is Jar Jar and Cleo is Padme, who’s Bail Organa?” …I dunno, VintageBeef.

Cleo: *laughing* Just—Just VintageBeef.

Joe: Just VintageBeef.

Cleo: It just is! You and I both know that, so you guys need to know it.

Joe: Yeah, cause like I don’t think Bail Organa had any kids.

Cleo: Yeah he did, he had Leia.

Joe: Well, but he adopted Leia.

Cleo: Ok.

Joe: And VintageBeef seems like, of all the Hermits, the one to most likely actually have the capacity to take on that sort of responsibility? I don’t know…

Cleo: No no, I can— I’m just running through the Hermits in my head, and I’m just like yeah that—that reads. That reads pretty well.

—

Joe (Dude bro voice): Has your heart even been weighed by Anubis, bro?

Cleo (dude bro voice): *laughing* Do you even lift? (Regular voice)…or no. That’s the opposite of what you want to do with a heart…

—

Cleo: I threaten to murder people all the time. One might say it’s part of my brand.

—

Cleo (reading chat): “Death threats are Cleo’s love language” *laughing* You’re not wrong.

—

Cleo: I’ve made plenty of mistakes! Learn from me! Like plenty of mistakes, which is why I’m doing this in my 40s. Joe just made his mistakes faster, that’s why he’s doing it in his 30s.

SILENCE

Joe: …Most of the jokes I wanna make about that, I—just in case my kid is tuning into the stream I’m gonna not—

Cleo: *laughing*

Joe: Because I am legally required not to disparage my ex-wife in front of her.

—

Cleo (in response to someone saying Joe’s hands are sufficient): No, my hands are sufficient. Joe has dexterous, wonderful hands. Get it right chat.

—

Cleo (about her Garrus mug): Next stream I shall use this for my beverage which I shall pretend is coffee. Which is what I used to do to the children at school.

Joe: Wait, you would pretend you were drinking coffee? What were you actually drinking? Rum?

—

Joe: My best is still the same, but my worst is getting less bad.

Cleo: That’s depressing and accurate. All at the same time.

Joe (tiredly): Yay! I strive for accuracy in all of my depressing statements. Cause it makes it harder to rebut them.

Cleo (softly and with care): I know.

—

Cleo (mocking people who push boundaries): If you were a PIN, what would you be?

Joe: *laughing* Like a PIN number?!

Cleo: Yeah!

Both: *laughing*

Joe: If you could be any PIN code—

Cleo: If you had an—what—what was your favourite PIN code, for example?

Joe: What’s your favourite 4-digit number?

Cleo: *laughing* What’s the 4-digit number you remember most in the world?

Joe: What’s the easiest to remember 4-digit number?

—

Cleo: I’m not going to get sushi from the Asda!

Joe (voice steadily getting higher): Oh my gosh, I am so glad that my face camera is off when we do those collab streams with Xisuma. Because like *laughing through the pain* a lot of them are just me screaming internally, but I’m not pushing to talk. And the reason I’m not pushing to talk is I’m also kind of screaming externally? And it’s just like, it’s just— *very high pitched incomprehensible gibberish*

Cleo: You—you do wonder sometimes with, with—with him. *laughing* See, thing is sometimes I’m not sure if he’s being serious or not, so—

Joe: If he says that he buys sushi at the Asda, I’m like 99% confident that he’s being serious.

Cleo: *laughing* He’s adorable and needs to be protected from this world.

#hermitcraft #hermitblr #zombiecleo #zombie cleo #joehills #joe hills

[popi-the-fatui]

CHILDE BF HCs

(that no one asked for but here they are anyways)

A/N: this man needs some luv. Long post, there is a whole iceberg under the “read more”. Also, I tried to keep a Gender Neutral reader so pls DM me if there are any mistakes!!

TW: DESCRIPTION OF AN ANXIETY ATTACK, SPOILERS FOR THE REX LAPIS QUEST AND CHILDE’S PAST, a little bit of angst

🐋 Let’s bust some myths first: contrary to popular belief, Childe has no experience at relationships or intimacy at all. Non. Cero. The Venn diagram of romantic/intimate stuff and things Childe has done is a void. But it’s not that he doesn’t want to, it’s just that he hasn’t had the time to experience any of these things because he is a busy man: between fighting, training and being a Harbinger, there is not a minute left for him to indulge in other things. 

🐋 The problem with this is that Tartaglia is a people’s person. He WANTS to be able to have someone that he can do these things with. At the end of the day, when he comes home tired after a mission, all he wants is someone to be waiting for him with cuddles, hugs, kisses, reassurance, caresses, or just a simple “how did your day go?” Because of this, he has a lot of pent-up love that he has not been able to give. 

🐋 In that note, he is also incredibly touch-starved: not only does he want someone to give that love to, but Childe also craves to receive it. When was the last time he was touched by someone in a context that was not a fight? He loves fighting, obviously: he has trained for a big part of his life to be able to defeat everything and everyone. But he is also just a human, and there are limits to how long a person can go without a loving touch. 

🐋 So when he finally falls victim to the first signs of infatuation, this poor whale man will have an internal battle: do I reach for them? Would they be better off if they never meet me? Will they accept me? Has my reputation already ruined this for me before it even began? How do I approach them? Do I look presentable? Am I going to scare them away? Childe will be torn between wanting to protect you from himself (as the Fatui business is not an easy pill to swallow for everyone) and protect himself from you (his heart would not handle rejection/disgust very well), and wanting to KISS YOU AND HUG YOU AND KNOW MORE ABOUT YOU BECAUSE ARGH WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO ADORABLE.

🐋 So he finally decides to compromise between these two stances, and let YOU decide whether you want him as a friend, a lover or a stranger. He starts greeting you whenever he sees you in the streets, subtly asking if you would like him to join you in your commissions, inviting you for lunch/dinner after a mission so you can recharge your energy, asking if you want to go and share drinks with him and Zhongli. You know, friendly stuff friends do. And he doesn’t even try to hide the happy smile that escapes him whenever you say yes to him: when it comes to you, there is nothing he needs to hide. Well, except for that one thing. 

🐋 He knows that you know he is somehow associated with the Fatui, if his constant trips to the Northland Bank aren’t enough to tell. Usually, Childe dislikes going around things as he much rather hit straight to the point (being the point a fight, a deal or just a simple conversation). But he has grown so addicted to the sensations you make him feel that he can’t help but to try to postpone that tiny little detail about himself for later. He has never had anyone who genuinely wants to spend time with him and that can keep up with him. Childe knows he can be quite intense and that rumors about him aren’t really rumors but WARNINGS, and to finally have someone, even if you’re just friends, that is actively trying to get to know the real him means so much, and he doesn’t want to let that go as selfish as he knows it is because there’s a chance you could get hurt (emotionally and physically). 

🐋 Unfortunately for him, everything that goes up must go down, and that fateful day comes when his plans to take Rex Lapis’ Gnosis blows back to him. After that brief, tense conversation with La Signora and Zhongli, Childe’s ego can’t be any lower: it’s not often that he loses, and much less often that he loses while feeling like a fool. He wants to scream, fight, punch, kick. Anything to take out the impotence and anger he is feeling right now. 

🐋 You found him in this state while you were looking for him to see if he was alright because a WHOLE ASS PALACE JUST FELL FROM THE SKY and you’re very concerned for him as you haven’t had any news directly from him and all you know is that apparently Childe was the cause of it?

🐋 As soon as he sees you, his blood-lust disappears and he no longer wants to fight something: he wants to cry from shame. Shame at being found in this state. Shame at failing. Shame at what you would think of him now that the cat’s out of the bag because from the look in your face is EVIDENT that now you know how far his relationship with the Fatui goes. 

🐋 He falls to the ground, tears finally coming out and he is crying ugly sobs while hiccuping nonsense about how he is a weak, pathetic, disgusting failure and it’s not fair it’s not FAIR IT’S NOT FAIR IT’S NOT-

🐋 “Look at me” you softly call to him, but he is panicking and hyperventilating and not responding to anything that’s outside of his head, so you decide to sit on your knees in front of him, gently cupping his face with your hands, caressing his tears away with your thumbs. 

🐋 “Childe, look at me. Please?” You try again, carefulness in your tone as to not startle him. And when he finally reacts and looks up, you don’t see Tartaglia the 11th Harbinger, nor Childe the fatui flirt. All you see is a broken man that carries the weight of the world on his shoulders, exhausted from constantly fighting against everything the world has thrown at him, and your heart aches for him and wonders how long this man has suffered alone, how long has he suffered in silence. 

🐋 “It’s okay, Childe. You’re okay. Can you breathe for me?” You position yourself behind him and put your hands on his shoulders, rubbing circles with your fingers to further calm him. “Breath with me, yeah just like that. Now hold it for a bit and then release it. Keep going, I’ll do it with you. I’m here”

🐋 Childe finds himself finding it easier to breathe with each inhale and exhale, and when he is finally going down from his high, catharsis hits him HARD. Is this what he has been missing all of his life? Is releasing all that pent-up frustration supposed to feel this good? And he feels a little selfish, because he knows he doesn’t deserve your comfort after the stunt he pulled, but Childe can’t help but become putty under your tender touches and your soft words, and he wishes for a different context, for a different past in which he never fell into the abyss, never joined the Fatui, never felt that the only way to survive was to fight. Instead, he wishes for a past in which he is traveling because he wants to, and he meets you, and he courts you and makes your cheeks heat up at something he said. And you are not touching him because he had a panic crisis that he himself caused. No, he imagines the both of you after a dinner date in Liyue. The sky is dark and the stars are shining but the streets are still full of people laughing and talking and the light from the lamps are reflecting beautifully in your hair. You are walking near the harbor, and you are holding his hand and he is giving you a kiss on your forehead because he can’t help himself. In another life, he would have found you and loved you the way you deserve and the way he needs. 

🐋 But he knows that now is too late, and all he has left is a mind full of regret because he did, in fact, hurt you. How could you trust him after this? How could you WANT him after this? So imagine his surprise when the first thing that comes out of your mouth is a soft “Are you ok now, Childe?”

🐋 “I- how- what?” He mutters in disbelief. Why are YOU asking HIM that? Shouldn’t it be the other way around?

🐋 “You had me very worried back there. I thought you would stop breathing at any moment. You are not hurt, are you?”

🐋 And he laughs. A high-pitched, almost maniac laugh. “You know I was the cause of all of…” he says, moving his arms to signal, well, everywhere “...this, right? I believe you now must know what my real business in Liyue was, and that I’m not just some random Fatui officer”

🐋 “Well… I kind of suspected it? How many ‘random Fatui officers’ are carrying a Vision, huge amounts of Mora and have so many ‘meetings’ at the Northland Bank with the Qixing themselves? I mean, I didn’t know you were a Harbinger, but I did know that you were a higher up in the organization. I’m not dumb, you know?” you answer light-heartedly. 

🐋 “Then why would you keep hanging out with me? If you knew all of that, then you for sure must have known that people tend to keep me in a ‘do not trust’ list. People are wary around me, and they should! If you knew of the things I’ve seen, the things I’ve DONE. The reputation surrounding the Fatui, especially the Harbingers, wasn’t built on nothing, you know?”

🐋 “Don’t get me wrong. I do have somewhat of an idea of the things you do for a living. And let me be clear: I certainly do not condone it. And to be honest, I know that things between us would be easier if you weren’t a Fatui and I actually wish you weren’t one” you can feel how his whole body deflated at that, and even if you are sitting behind him, you just know he has a pout on his face, so you resolve for hugging him from behind and rest the side of your face between his shoulder blades, and continue. 

🐋 “But in the past weeks, I also had the opportunity to get to know you. Not Fatui you. But human you. I know that you have a family that you love very much and you do everything in your power to protect them. I know that you haven’t had it easy, and that some scars you have still hurt. I know that you absolutely can’t eat with chopsticks, but your pride refuses to give up and you try anyway. I know that you’re a passionate man that holds his dearest people close to his heart. I know that you hate when I’m sad so you’re willing to make a fool of yourself if that means I’ll end up laughing. I know how you wait outside of my building until my window lights up after you get me home so you are sure nothing happened to me. I know by the way you sometimes disassociate from the world around you that you are thinking of home and returning to your family” as you speak, you feel something wet falling on your upper arms, and realize that Childe is silently crying. You have half a mind to stop, but you also know that he needs to hear this, so you tighten your hug a little in reassurance. 

🐋 “I also know that whenever I see you with a new wound, I can’t help but worry for you and my first instinct is to check if you are okay. I’m now familiar with the way my heart skips a beat whenever I get to see one of your genuine smiles, especially when the reason behind them is that you get to spend some time with me. I know my eyes soften when I see you talking about something you’re passionate about. The truth is, I care for you, Childe. I really do, Fatui or not. Harbinger or not. And yes, while I would rather you not be one, I still can’t help but long for your company because you make me happy. Because I love you. So don’t underestimate me. I’m strong and so are my feelings. You being a Fatui is not gonna change that”. After this, you two sit in silence for a few minutes, but it’s not an awkward one despite your confession. You know he is gathering his thoughts so you move one of your arms that is wrapped around Childe’s torso to card your fingers through his hair, mindful of the knots that had appeared after the battle. If he doesn’t believe your words, then you sure hope he trusts your actions. 

🐋 Childe is the one who breaks the silence when he asks “How could you possibly love someone like me?”. If you weren’t sitting that close to him, you wouldn’t have heard it. He says this so softly, so gently, almost as if he was trying to convince himself and not you. 

🐋 “Silly boy” you laugh warmly. “Did you hear anything I just said?” You ruffle his hair, and finally, FINALLY, you can hear him giggle a little. “You don’t get to decide who I love. That’s my choice, and I choose to love you”

🐋 No kisses were shared that day. No grand, magnificent romantic gestures were made. Only the silent promise of two young lovers to love and cherish each other as they were. And maybe, just maybe, you could work things out, together, to build yourselves a brighter future. 

🐋 So after all has been said and done: congrats! You are now the proud s/o of Teyvat’s biggest simp. 

🐋 Childe is your number one fan. Everything you do is carefully recorded in his mind for later use. He has to go on a mission away from you? Be prepared to be pampered and being taken on several dates the previous week so this clingy man has something to hold on to. 

🐋 Also: he is shameless. He will not be afraid of making out with you in plain daylight on a busy street. But fear not! If you happen to not be a fan of PDA, he will try to be low-profile. You are, afterall, a person he treasures and can’t live without, so your comfort comes before his needs. Now, I say “try” because he will still demand to hold your hand and give you the random kiss on your cheek. 

🐋 HUGS. FROM. BEHIND. Watch him giving you hugs like Oprah. You are buying something? Cooking? Chilling? Expect to feel a pair of long limbs wrapping from behind you in a tight hug like a koala. It’s his hourly vibe check. 

🐋 Very jealous and protective of you. He is very afraid that one day you’ll realize there are plenty of people better than him and you’ll leave him, so please remind this simp that he is more than enough for you. 

🐋 He also has nightmares from the time he spent in the abyss and will take sometime for him to realize that he is no longer there, so give him a few minutes for him to come to his senses and then please for the love of the Tsaritsa cuddle the life out of him. Also on this note, I have the headcanon that he prefers being the little spoon. That, or facing each other and he rests his face in the crook of your neck while leaving little pecks there. 

🐋 Also you discover, to your surprise and as stated at the beginning , that this man has absolutely no idea how to do relationships. To compensate for this and to give you only the best of the best (as you deserve), he spends time in his travels to read romantic novels to have an idea of what to do, so don’t be surprised if he says or does something corny or cringey. 

🐋 The most chaotic “meet the family” you’ll ever have. As soon as he takes you to Snezhnaya, you will have all of his siblings running and tackling you into a bear hug (he sends A LOT of letters to his family about you and if you read them you would not be sure if he is talking about you or a deity).

🐋 He also tries to keep you out of anything regarding the Fatui. It’s a relief that you finally know about how deep his person runs in the organization, but he also wants to spare you from the details of what he does unless something is really bothering him. 

🐋 All in all, this golden retriever is your biggest hype man and the most loyal boyfriend. You will never get bored with Childe, as everyday is an adventure with him and he will make sure you to make you as happy and loved as you make him feel.

#childe #childe x reader #tartaglia #tartaglia x reader #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin #genshin impact #mine #tw axiety #tw anxiety attack #genshin spoilers #genshin impact spoilers

[1800-omi]

death’s bride.

characters: sukuna x f! reader

warnings/genre: angst, yn pov, abuse, some intrusive thoughts (?), choking, just sukuna being a toxic asshole

wc: 1.6k

prompt: “will you be mine?” He then pressed the blade deeper into my throat and asked, “will you be death’s bride?” and i stared back into his eyes and whispered, “yes.” (except i made some lil edits)

notes: bitches say theyre not sluts until sukuna comes up, i’m bitches

Being the eldest daughter, I always knew my responsibilities; Look after the younger kids, help mother with the chores, cook, et cetera. My family was never as privileged financially as other families in our town but we cared for each other, or at least that’s what I thought.

A couple of nights ago I overheard my parents talking about my father being in some sort of debt with someone really powerful, I don’t remember much from that night, what I do remember though is the fear in my father’s voice when he talked about this person. The next thing I knew, my mother was explaining to me how they’re going to have me get married to this man in order to pay my father’s debt. I am not sure how I felt about this at the time, I don’t think it matters anymore, I’m doing this for my family.

Right now, I’m alone in a carriage on the way to my husband’s home. I didn’t get to exchange a word with the coachman of the carriage and the windows are covered by curtains from the outside, I have no idea where this place is. This is definitely not how I had imagined my marriage would play out, but I guess it’s too late to lose all hope– maybe this man who I’m now going to call my husband is kind, generous, and honest. Maybe he will truly love me. My childhood dreams of finding real love are not shattered yet. I close my eyes thinking about my now-husband, slowly drifting away in a comfortable sleep.

I wake up to the coachman gently shaking my shoulder, his face is hidden under a mask. Once he sees I have awakened he quickly takes his hand off me as if he wasn’t supposed to be touching me in the first place.

“We have arrived.” He announces before getting off the carriage. “This will now be your new home.”

I slowly get out of the carriage and look at the huge mansion in front of me. This place radiates such a dark aura, and the mist of the early morning doesn’t give make it better.

I turn to the coachman, “Thank you.” He doesn’t reply, at first I’m not sure whether he heard me or not but I do not repeat myself. Instead, I walk towards the entrance where 2 maids seem to be waiting for me. For some reason, these maids are also wearing the same type of masks the coachman was wearing.

Upon walking inside my new home, I can’t help but look around at every detail of the place – from the marble floor to the murals on the ceiling. This place is gorgeous and so different from what I’m used to. Eventually, I’m lead to a huge bedroom to which the maids tell me is mine.

“Aren’t me and my husband going to be sleeping in the same room?” I ask only to receive what I assume to be a stare and no answer. After a few seconds of silence, they continue to tell me that my husband has invited me for dinner tonight and that the clothes I’m expected to wear are in the closet and they exit. I’m being invited to dinner in my own house, it’s weird to think about. Does this mean I won’t be having dinner with him every day? I have so many questions but no one willing to answer them. All I have left to do now is wait for dinner time to come into this room, which I was advised earlier not to exit.

I spend my day reading some of the books that were already on the shelves of my room and looking outside from the long and thin windows. I wonder what’s the reason for the shape of the windows, it’s almost as if they were made so that people could escape from them... No, that can’t be it. No one would feel the need to escape from here. The windows’ shape was probably a stylistic choice. Maybe my husband is a stylish person?

I look at the huge clock by the wall, I should start getting ready, it’s almost time. I open the closet and find a beautiful red dress in it, I take off my other clothes and carefully put it on. I don’t think I’ve ever worn clothes this soft, this dress must have been expensive. I never thought I would one day be looking at myself in the mirror and be wearing such luxurious clothes. I open the jewelry box on the shelf and pick out a necklace and put it on. Yes, this is it, he’ll love it. Now all that’s left to do is sit and wait.

Ultimately, one of the maids comes by to let me know they’ll be taking me to the dinner. My heart is beating quickly and I have a weird feeling in my stomach, I’m feeling a mix of stress and excitement. I’m finally going to meet the one I’ll spend the rest of my life with.

I get led into another very big room, this one has a big table in the middle of it along with many chairs. The maids tell me where to sit and instruct me on what I should do once their master enters the room.

While waiting, my stress can’t help but grow, I lightly tap my finger against the table until I hear the grand doors open. I immediately turn my gaze towards them to see a tall man in a light-colored kimono with a black edge. The kimono wasn’t the only thing standing out, this man also has some unique markings on his forehead, cheeks, and nose, I wonder if he has them around his body too. I quickly remember what the maids have told me and I bow to him. He doesn’t say a word and neither do I since I’ve been told not to speak unless spoken to. I hear his footsteps while I’m still bowing, is he approaching me? My heart speeds up as he puts his hand under my chin and lifts it, making me look at him. He looks down at me with his red eyes, meanwhile, I notice he’s got some markings on his wrists as well.

“Hm,” he finally speaks up, “you’re rather pretty, just like I’ve been told.” His voice is deep and husky, and quite scary if you ask me. “What is your name?” He asks.

“YN.”

“Hm, pretty name as well. Great, I won’t have to change it then.” Change it? If he didn’t like my name he would’ve just changed it?

His hand slowly went from holding my chin to being wrapped around my throat, making me gasp.

He then stared straight at my eyes, as he said, “will you be mine, YN?” He then tightened the grip around my throat and asked, “will you be death’s bride?” and I stared back into his devilish eyes and whispered, “yes.”

“Good.” He whispered back and smirked, holding my throat for a few more moments. Eventually, he lets go of my throat, in response to which I take deep breaths and continue to gasp for air. Is this what I’ll be going through every day? He ignores my struggling and takes a seat before starting to eat.

“Quit exaggerating, it wasn’t that bad.” He ordered and I eventually calmed down, before sitting back in my place. I look at the food in front of me and slowly start eating, choosing to ignore what just happened. Maybe there is some good in the man I still haven’t seen.

“Did anyone say you could start eating?” He asked, making me freeze. He lets out a sigh before continuing, “I’ll give you a pass since it’s your first time. But I don’t want to see you making the same mistakes anymore or there will be consequences.”

I look at him in the eyes, “What consequences, my lord?” It probably wasn’t a good idea to ask him that, it probably isn’t a good idea to talk to him at all.

He grins at me before letting out a laugh, “You’ll join the other wives.”

Chills are sent down my spine by his response. Other? There are others? Or at least there were. Just how many other women did this man abuse? Most importantly what happened to them? All I am left to do is wonder since I doubt anyone will be willing to tell me about them. How did I end up here?

“Oh, you can leave now.” He speaks up again. I look at him, confused. “I have nothing else to say to you, you can leave.” He explains. He won’t even let me finish my dinner, but a part of me is thankful I don’t have to spend another minute in his presence. I get up and take a bow again before leaving the dining room. I ignore the maids and swiftly walk to my room by myself. After closing the door behind me I lay on the bed as tears start rolling down my cheeks. I can’t believe this is my life now, if he was capable of doing that the first time I met him, what will he be doing to be in the future? I am never going to be enough for this man. If his other wives weren't enough, nor am I. This can’t be happening! What have I done to deserve this? Do I have to live the rest of my life scared of this man? This man I’m now supposed to call my husband? I sob lightly and try to wipe my tears. I close my eyes trying to fall asleep, part of me hoping I won’t wake up again. The sleep I fall into that night was so different from the one I had back in the carriage. In that one, I dreamt of meeting someone with whom I’ll be happy, someone who’ll truly love me, in this sleep I see nothing but nightmares.

thank you for reading! reblogs are appreciated <3

#jujutsu sorcerer #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #sukuna #jujutsu kaisen ryomen #ryomen sukuna #ryomen x reader #jjk ryomen #sukuna x reader #sukuna x y/n #sukuna x you #sukuna fanfic #jjk x y/n #jjk imagines #jjk fanfic #jjk x reader #jujitsu kaisen sukuna #sukuna x oc #sukuna angst #jjk angst

[regardingjenmish]

Thank you for being a voice of reason in this whole cluster. As a bi person, would it have been awesome for Misha to be coming out? Hell yeah. But he wasn't (yet who knows what the future holds). He messed up, he apologized and meant it. It was (I believe) an honest mistake. We've all been there, said something that came out wrong or made a joke that didn't land right. We may never know why he said what he did but he knows he messed up and apologized. I've seen (and blocked) people who were acting like he ruined their lives and killed their family. And it just seemed... like overkill? I get being upset he said it, or that he seemed to be making a joke out of being bi (which I don't think was his intention). I get being sad we can't claim him as "one of us" but this one mistake doesn't invalidate all the good he's done and will continue to do. Nor does it invalidate anyone who is queer? I'm still bi even though he isn't? Him being straight doesn't make me less bi nor does him being straight ruin my life in anyway? (not that I speak for all queer people obvi) Thankfully, I haven't seen too many people overreacting (and blocked those who were), but I just wanted to thank you for being rational. I love the blog, keep up the good work!

Anon, you said literally everything that I've been thinking and feeling for the past two days. I am already sorry in advance for the long ass response this will get. (All of this is clearly my own opinion so if someone reading it disagrees, cool)

It would feel amazing if we could say that he's one of us but even if he is not that doesn't change a lot of things in my opinion.

He messed up and he will learn from it and he immediately took ownership of that fuck up. He didn't blame it on anyone else except himself. He clearly realized his mistake and you can tell he feels horrible over it just from how the apology is worded. This is a person who cares a lot about us and would never do something to hurt us on purpose. There are celebs out there who when they fucked up, their version of apology was 'my bad..but like eh shit happens' so in my book, his apology was good and enough (for me).

For all we know maybe he did retract once he realized this is getting too much attention from media and everyone else. Maybe he did think that a little 'im all three' comment would stay in the fandom. And yes maybe the reason why I am having a different reaction or opinion to this is due to the fact that as someone who is bi, I have never been able to (nor will I probably be able to) say that outside of tumblr. And unfortunately I've had moments where I said something that could've revealed a glimpse of my sexuality and Ii had to retract and turn it into a dumb joke. And it fucking sucks.

And I fully agree with you, I don't think he meant to make this a joke. I think it was just a shit ton of bad timing and bad luck. And the way some fans have been treating him is horrible. The fans who have decided that this somehow ruins their lives, need to take a step back and take a deep breath. Because like you said, it does look like overkill. I understand there are fans who are upset and I won't tell them not to be. But there is a side of fans who decided that this gives them the right to practically wish death on him. I hate to say it like this but it's not that deep. And I fully agree with you. None of this changes shit. We're still bi. People are still queer. We are still fucking amazing and loved (which we have always been). I think this kind of opens a look into that maybe we as people shouldn't measure our value by celebs that we relate to however, I'm not gonna go into that.

And this also does not erase the amazing things he has done for us. In the end of the day he's still Misha. The same dude who has fought for us and stood up for us. And has done so many other things for our community. Again I am so sorry for the long ass response but I didn't want to give you some shitty short answer because everything you said has been on my mind.

#anonymous #love you nonnie hope youre doing well #im sending you a huge hug

[sweetdreamsofandrea]

Mighty & Powerful (High King Peter)

warnings: smut, throne kink (i mean if it is a thing), oral (f receiving), y/n is a maid and also naughty (i mean don't touch the stuff you are not supposed to touch honey), a bit of self-underestimating, avoiding high king has some consequences, peter is sassy and i love him, he is also very caring.

a/n: oh wow this is my first attempt writing an english smut. i'm very excited. if there is any mistake, please correct me. and please let me know what you think. good god i feel like a pure sin. also thank god william was in the royals, otherwise i would have zero gifs. gifs are not mine. i just edited the first gif.

word count: 2976.

You knew you shouldn't be there.

As the maid of the castle, it wasn't appropriate for you to be in the throne room. Okay, you were sort of flirting with High King and he obviously was interested in you ─and he made sure you knew that, but still, you knew you shouldn't be there.

It wasn't your intention when you left the kitchen. You just wanted to find him and spend some time with him if you were lucky. He'd been busy recently, Cair Paravel had visitors and as High King, he was busy with them. You hadn't seen him for almost two days, except for the times you were serving in the dining hall.

You were walking in the corridor when you saw the door of the room was open. You wanted to look to see if he was in there but he wasn't. The room was empty. It encouraged you.

That was the reason why you went closer to the thrones. You just wanted to look at them, you always appreciated almost everything in the castle because everything was so beautiful and majestic. And you'd always liked the thrones, they were so mighty and powerful. The way you wanted to feel.

You of course went closer to his throne first, looked at its golden engravings. Well, it actually looked so much mightier and stronger as he was sitting on it. Without him, it just looked like a fancy chair. You realized the factor that made the throne so mighty and powerful was him, not the throne. The way he sat, the way his legs were open, the way his cape touched the floor, the way he put his hands to its arms and the rings he wore shined under the lights were the reason why the throne looked like that.

You took a short breath. Why were you thinking those things and torturing yourself? He hadn't talked to you for almost two days. He probably didn't even think of you for a second. He was the High King, why would he think of you? How could he? He probably had thousands of things in his mind that were so much more important than you.

Oh, how badly and remedilessly you needed to feel mighty and powerful. You wanted to feel something different from self-pity and longing for him.

You touched the arm of the throne. You softly ran your finger on it. It was cold. Then you realized what you were doing. You immediately stopped touching it. Oh, what were you thinking? What if you got cought?

Well, you didn't get cought and you'd been there for a while. The room was still empty and the door was almost closed. You took another short breath.

‘Okay,’ You mumbled. ‘For a second. Just a second. Then I'll leave and never come back.’

To sit on the throne, you turned your face to the door and fastly sit on it.

It was a mistake. Because it was the exact moment you saw him, his body standing at the door, tall, strong and broad.

You were about the stand up but he raised his hand, implying you to stay where you were.

Your heart started beating faster, your chest was moving fastly and it was visible. You were in panic and you felt so guilty. Why couldn't you just walk away? How were you going to explain this?

“If I'm being honest, M'Lady,” He said. “I really fancy the way you look right now.”

“I-I'm so sorry, Your Highness,” You stuttered while you intended to stand up.

“Stay there.” He ordered, using his High King voice. He then closed the door. The voice of it slamming harshly made you take a shaky breath.

He wasn't Peter now, he was the High King and you knew you were in so much trouble.

“What are you doing, sweetheart?” He asked as he took a step to come closer to you. “I mean, I can see that you are sitting on my throne, that's for sure. However, what are you doing?”

He was getting closer and your heart was beating faster and faster, which surprised you because you thought it was already beating fast enough to kill you.

“I...” You couldn't say anything. What were you doing really? “I don't know.”

He chuckled. “I also fancy your bravery. Being here is something, but sitting on my throne is something else. I am very impressed.”

“I'm so sorry, Your Majesty, I really am. If you let me, I can leave and never come back. Please─”

“Oh, sweetheart,” He was now standing in front of you. He leaned and put his hands to the arms of the throne, where your hands already were. His big hands were now on yours and you felt his hot skin.

“Do you really think I will just let you go?” His face was so close to yours.

“I hope so.” You whispered and he smiled.

“I think you shouldn't. I haven't talked to you for two days, you did your best to avoid me, and when I finally find you, you are sitting on my throne. I think you know I won't let you go.”

You just took a sheaky breath and helplessly said, “I didn't avoid you. I was just doing my job.”

“Are you saying that your job is to stay away from me in crowded places and immediately find an excuse to leave the room when we are finally on our own?”

“We were never truly on our own.”

“Oh, I see,” He nodded shortly. “I bet you think because you are a maid, you shouldn't be with me. Am I right?”

“No, I don't─”

“You are full of surprises, Y/N. You think I don't want to you to be with me because you are a maid but you come here and dare to sit on my throne.”

You gulped. Oh, you were really screwed up.

“Tell me the honest reason why you wanted to sit here.”

You licked your lips before speaking. You felt you needed some fresh air, and water. But you knew you were going to be there for a while.

“I... I just wanted to feel mighty and powerful for a second. Nothing more. I meant no harm, I was going to leave immediately.”

He frowned. “You don't need to sit on some fancy chair to feel or be mighty and powerful. You already are. Sweetheart, are you badly forgetful? Did you forget everything you did for me and Narnia? Or don't you have a mirror in your room? Have you ever truly seen yourself?”

You couldn't look at his face while he was talking. You felt so ashamed and you were not a person knowing how to react to a compliment.

“Look at me, Y/N. Look at me and listen carefully, okay?”

You did what he said and nodded.

“You don't need a fancy chair, a beautiful dress, a job you think is better, me, or anyone and anything else to be mighty and powerful. You already are. It makes me very angry to see that you are underestimating yourself. I could count everything you did and everything about you that amazes me, but unfortunately I desperately want to kiss you right now.”

Before you could even react, your lips met, no, your lips almost crushed because he kissed you so passionately, and long. You let him do whatever he wanted to do because you needed him, oh, you needed him so strongly that it surprised you. You never thought a person could desire a person the way you did.

His lips left yours and started kissing your neck. You turned your head a little and gave him more place to kiss. He kissed your neck, under of your ear, and your collarbone.

You were breathing heavily now. Your body was relieved because it finally came together with him, but at the same time it was burning with much more desire because it wanted more.

His hands left yours and touched your back to find the ropes holding your dress together. He was quick because he'd done it before, so many times. He learnt by heart the way you tied them.

He pushed your dress down, releasing your breasts. He had no seconds to lose; he needed to touch you, feel you, and make you feel good. He quickly took one of your nipples into his mouth, the other one was taken care of by his fingers.

All you could do was whining. He knew what he was doing very well. He knew how to drive you crazy. You sometimes hated how perfectly he knew your body because he could always use it against you but in the end, who were you to complain?

While his wet and warm mouth were on your breasts, you used your hands to untie his cape and you pushed it back from his shoulders. Then you pulled his shirt but you couldn't take it off because his body was over yours. He understood what you wanted and took a break to get rid of his shirt.

Oh, there his beautiful body was. You absolutely loved his body. His sunkissed skin was just perfect. He was muscular and his chest was broad, he had many scars but you didn't mind them at all, they were of course upsetting you but on the other side, they were the proofs and symbols of his survivals, which was something making you feel so proud of him and love him even more.

He smiled when he saw your eyes on his body. He could see the admiration and desire, which made him feel good. He loved being appreciated by you. Honestly, there was no other person whose opinions he cared as much as he cared yours.

Before leaning down to kiss you again, he took his crown from his head and put it to yours. He'd never done this before and you were surprised. Why did he do that? You had no explanations.

He looked at you, how beautiful you looked. On his throne, wearing his crown. He loved it when you were close to things that actually belonged him. It made him feel like now you were actually in his life, physically and tangibly. When it came to you, it was all about giving. Maybe he'd never shown it before but he could do anything for you when you told him to do. Each word coming out of your mouth was a duty he needed to fulfil.

His thumb caressed your cheek for a moment, then he finally kissed you again. You touched his body, ran your hands on his smooth skin as he kissed you. You felt his hand caressing your leg underneath your dress. His touch was gentle, warm and directly going to your burning core.

You automatically tried to close your legs but he stopped you.

Then he pushed the skirt of your dress up as you watched him. You had no power to do anything. You just could watch and let him. He made you weak but it was alright. You actually loved that kind of weakness.

You felt one of his fingers running on your underwear. You breathed loudly.

“Already wet.” You heard him murmuring. “Already wet for me.”

He took your underwear off and when the air hit your core, you wanted to close your legs again but he cought your right leg and put it to the arm of the throne.

“Stay still, sweetheart.”

You nodded.

But it was very hard to stay still when his mouth was finally there and he licked your clit.

You moaned and your back left the throne.

“Peter,” You whimpered.

You felt his lips smiling to your skin and heard his chuckle.

“You finally learnt your lesson, didn't you?”

By force of habit, you called him ‘Your Highness’ or ‘Your Majesty’ while you were having sex a few times and you could say that he didn't like it, not at all. Because according to him, he was the High King to everyone, but he wanted to be special to you, he wanted to be his true self to you, therefore he ordered to be called Peter, not something else. Well, when you called him something else, he made sure you would remember what the consequences would be if you did it next time.

You couldn't answer him because your head was in the clouds. You couldn't think anything but his tongue and the way it worked.

It was teasing your clitoris, then your enterance. Actually it was everywhere, leaving a wet mark behind it. He was eating you out like his life depended on it.

You were moaning, and your legs began shaking. Your hand were inside his hair, pulling it and desperately pushing his head to your clit more. You knew what you were doing but somehow, you also didn't.

That feeling emerged, informing you that you couldn't hold it any longer. You were so close to cum but Peter didn't care. He wanted to make you cum.

“Oh,” Your chest was moving fastly, you were biting your lip. “Peter, I'm so close.” You managed to say.

Then he pushed his tongue to your enterance.

“Oh!” You pulled his hair tighter. You couldn't take it anymore, everything felt so intense and the pleasure blew your mind.

It didn't take so long for you to cum. You screamed his name as you did. You were breathing fastly and were a total mess. He kissed inside of your leg before standing up.

You saw his lips, red and wet. His hair was completely messy but he looked so handsome and still magnificent.

“Come,” He took your hand helped you while you were standing up.

He kissed your lips. It was a miracle that you could remain standing and kiss him back because your legs were still shaking. But his hands were on your waist and you knew you was holding you.

He turned your body after the kiss, and you knew what you were supposed to do. You bent over, and put your hands to the arms of the throne.

You looked at him over your shoulder as he took off his pants very quickly. Even looking at it made you feel so good and when he finally was inside you, you lost it and moaned loudly.

He filled you perfectly. It was everything you needed. You felt complete and loved that idea of you two completing each other, in every way possible.

At first he was slow, letting you adjust to the feeling but then he started getting faster. He knew the way you liked it and gave it to you.

He grabbed your waist while he fucked you fast. You heard his groans. His voice was deep and filled with passion. He moaned your name. You felt his breath on your skin.

Then he pulled you to himself and made your back touch to his chest. You felt now his cock was buried inside you even deeper. You couldn't stop whimpering. Everything was perfect. Just perfect.

His forehead was on your shoulder. He kissed your skin. Then, he bit your neck, leaving a mark there. His hands found your nipples and played with them. Your body was completely occupied by his and feeling him everywhere was all you ever needed.

“Peter,” You moaned, at the same time he moaned your name.

“Two days,” He whispered. “Two days without you is enough to drive me crazy, enough to make me lose my control.”

“You say it like it is a bad thing.” You could answer him this time.

He smiled when he heard your answer and kissed your jawbone.

He loved it. He loved the way you were ready and willing to take him no matter how he was. You accepted him easily and the way he were, and he loved you for that. Was he going to lose his control? You were ready to take it. Without any judgements, any questions, you just accepted him and every time he felt it, he loved you even more.

You put your head to his shoulder, and he kissed your completely open neck. The only reason why you still could stand was his body. You leaned on him. You knew he would hold you. He always did.

“I'm so close,” You said. “Please never stop.”

“It's alright,” He said. “I will not.”

He kept his promise and fucked you until you came for the second time. He then pulled himself out and came to your ass.

He hugged your waist, his head on your back, rested for a while to catch his breath.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

“More than okay, actually.” You replied, couldn't stop smiling.

He smiled too. “Let me dress you up, then we can go to our room.”

“I can─”

He interrupted you. “Let me.” It wasn't a request now.

He dressed you up, gently but fastly. He could see you were tired and needed some rest, therefore he wanted to take you to bed.

“Won't you take it back?” You asked, implying the crown on your head.

“No, it suits you.”

“It is yours.” You objected.

“Well, the throne was also mine but you didn't seem to care, did you sweetheart?”

You couldn't help but laugh. “It still looks weird though. Look at my dress and─”

The look on his face was enough to make you stop talking.

“We've just talked about it.” He said in a very dissappointed voice.

“I think I need some time,” You spoke as he tool your hand. “To get used to it.”

“To get used to what?”

“I don't know. I guess... everything.”

You started walking to leave the room.

“I can help you with that, M'Lady.”

You smiled. “Oh, I bet you can.”

oh hi hello hello! i hope you like it, please tell me what you think.

love, andrea. ♡

#peter pevensie #peterpevensie #high king peter the magnificent #high king peter #peter pevensie imagine #peter pevensie smut #peter pevensie x you #peter pevensie x y/n #peter pevensie x reader #narnia smut #andreaiswriting2

[applepi-1]

He's afraid of hurting you

Tsukishima x Y/n

Terushima x y/n

Atsumu x y/n

Warnings: fluff

Mentions of rape on Atusma's part.... sorry :(

Also I do request…

-596 words-

You and Tsuki have been friends for as long as you remember, it's always been you, Tsukishima, and Yamaguchi. Always. But somehow you fell for the tall salty dino-loving jerk. You guys did everything together and you were the only other person he tolerated. When you met the team people asked Yamaguchi if you guys were dating, both laughing until you saw Tsukishima. You ran to him and began to bug him, much to everyone's shock (except Yama) when the tall boy smiled softly down at you.

Tsukishima also fell for you, but... he was scared, he covered his feelings with salty comments, but with you he could never, you were his soft spot. He always admired the way you smiled, laugh, or the face you make when you were concentrated or were nervous. He finds it adorable, but he won't tell you that. He'll tease you about how your face looks, but you'd laugh it off.

So, come to both of your surprises when you confess. It was a normal Tuesday, except it was just you two walking home, since Yamaguchi was sick. "Hey, Tsuki, can I be honest with you?" You asked once y'all reached your house.

"Would you rather lie?"

"No, god no... but uh, I like you..." You nervously messed with your fingers. You felt as if your heart was hitting your ribcage as hard as Oikawa serves a ball. Tsukishima felt as if he was dreaming, feeling his stomach twist and his heard dance. But... still fear ate at the boy.

"I like you too..." You smiled immediately. "But I can't be with you." And immediately faded.

"What...?" What kind of confession it that, he began to panic as he saw tears form.

"It's not that I don't want to be, Y/n, trust me, I do... but..." The words got stuck in his throat, he's not used to being this vulnerable. "I-I'm scared..." Your eyes grew at how soft his voice was, he was biting his lip so he didn't show his feelings.

"W-Why...?" You watch him tug on his jersey, the showers were down so none of the players thought of changing.

"I... I don't want to hurt you..."

"Is this about, E/n?" You asked, talking about the bitch who left Tsukishima for her best friend. He said something uncalled for, but that didn't give her the right to cheat and blame Tsukishima.

"Maybe... no, this is about how I'm not good in relationships, the last one I was in, she cheated on because of what I said to her... I.."

"I would never." You finished his sentence making him look at you. "Tsuki, you guys got into an argument, big deal. Couples argue you salty dino." Tsukishima surpassed a laugh as you continued, "It did not give her the right to cheat because you called her out for flirting with that idiot she cheated on you with. I know you loved her, but... I'm not her. If we fight, I'll sit in front of you despite your harsh words. Just like I always do. The only guy I want to flirt with or have my attention is you." He looked down at you and felt his shoulders drop.

"R-Really?" You grabbed his face and smiled.

"I'm willing to do this if you are..." He looked down at you before wrapping his arms around you, you sighed into him, wrapping your arms around his neck.

"I don't deserve you... I love you so much, Y/n..." You smiled leaning into your best friend, your now boyfriend.

"I love you too, Tsuki."

-751 words-

You sighed into your seat, watching your best friend flirt up a storm with someone else. Kazuma Bobata knew of your feelings, and of the feelings of #1, Yūji Terushima. He sighed and sat next to you, placing a hand on your shoulder making you jump and look away from your crush. "Oh, Kazuma. Hi." He just gave you a look, you furred your brows, what crawled up his ass? "Everything good, Kaz?"

"No, our friend is hurting you." You raised your brows. "Don't deny it, I'm not stupid." He said once he saw you about to open your mouth, you sighed and looked down.

"How long...?"

"Since we met." I sighed again resting my head in my hands.

"What do I do...?"

"Confess you, idiot." You looked up to him immediately, Terushima looked in your direction hearing Kazuma call you an idiot.

"What, no?!" You didn't mean to yell but you did, your best friend left the girl standing there confused as he walked over to you, seeing you laugh a little.

"Everything okay, Y/n?"

"Huh?" Your face reddens hoping he didn't hear Kazuma say something about confessing.

"I'm trying to get her to confess to her crush." You immediately whipped your head to Kazuma.

"Dude!" You slapped his arm, Terushima felt his heartbreak, wincing a little, but it went unnoticed to you both.

"How about you practice on Terushima?"

"What..... /////-/////" Both of you blushed and looked at Kazuma who knew exactly what he was doing.

"Yeah, it'll help you both, Terushima needs to confess to his crush as well." Terushima so badly wanted to hit his friend, but he was right.

"Oh... I..."

"Fine." You looked at your friend in shock, "I... I-I'll help." His heart tugged and winced at his words, as long as your happy, right...? You blinked a couple times...

"Uh... okay...? U-Um, w-when...?"

"After school..."

--

You sighed into your bed, looking at your best friend's eyes. Sighing this is difficult, think of him as someone else. "Okay. Okay. I like you, a lot, and I can't believe I'm saying this, but I do. I have since we were running on the playground laying at how stupid a kid looked, and... I like you despite you flirting with every girl you see..." As you continued to list why you liked him with your eyes closed, Terushima felt a smile form on his face, you like him? Once you finished and opened your eyes and saw he was smiling... it that a good sign, then you remembered. "Right... uh, your turn to... p-practice your c-confession..." It hurt you to say practice, you wish this was real.

"Oh... uh, right... Look, I like you so much, but... I don't think it'd work." What?

"Dude, horrible confession, what are you trying to do? Hurt her, make her happy, and confused?"

"Shut up and let me finish." You sighed and punched his shoulder, indicating your listening. "I like you a lot, but... I don't want to be the one hurting you in the end, Y/n... I can't do that. Not to you. I hate myself for letting my ex walk away because I chose to flirt with someone else. But with you... I... I can't do that... It pains me to flirt with other girls when the only girl I want to flirt with is you... But it won't last, I'll fuck up eventually." Congrats, Terushima, you made me happy, sad, and confused.

"I... I'm sorry... what the fuck gives you the right to have this all one-sided." His eyes widen a little, he should've known you had something to say. "So what your ex left, I'm not them, Teru. I like you, hell I fell in love with you and I trust you. If you fuck up and flirt with someone we'll talk it out, not just call it quits, or if you feel the need to flirt with someone, pretend not to know me, and flirt up a storm you dumbass." He laughed a little grabbing your face, but you weren't done. "I love you, you, I know you like me, Teru... but, I love you, and I love all your mistakes, I mean, I stuck around this far haven't I...? Doesn't that mean something... Hm." He cut your rambling off pressing his lips firmly to yours.

"You talk too much." He kissed you again, this time you shivered as the coldness of his tongue ring hit your lip. "I love you. God, I love you."

-959 words-

Atsumu knew giving you a spare key to his house was foolish. But he wanted to make sure you knew you were welcome, when you reached his house it was 2 in the am, and you needed your best friend more than anything. You took out your spare key and opened his door, jumping when you see Osamu in the kitchen. "Ah, welcome home, Y/n." You laughed shutting the door quietly behind you.

"H-Hi... O-Osamu..." He looked over in your direction immediately noticing the way your voice went high and the way you choked on your words.

"Y-Y/n... did something happen?" You pulled your hand over your mouth, keeping your sobs quiet, Osamu immediately dashed to you, leaving what he was doing in the kitchen. "Oi... ya okay?" You shooked your head as he wrapped his arms around you, letting you sob into his chest. "Talk to me, Y/n..." Osamu was like your big brother, he knows of your feelings toward his twin.

"I... I went on a date..." He sat you down on the couch, giving you some room. "I... H-he... took me to a cafe... and after we ate and stuff... I felt... d-dizzy... and... I c-couldn't stop him..." Atsuma walked down feeling thirsty when he heard your voice, he stopped on the stairs looking at you. "H-How do I... tell A-Atsumu...?" He watched as his brother kissed your head and brought you into his chest.

"Do you want me to tell him...?" He watched as you shook your head. "Just... be honest with him." Atsumu sniffed the air and spoke.

"Is something burning...?" You turn your attention to the other twin. Osamu immediately got up and ran to the kitchen. Atsumu looked at you and noticed how you wouldn't meet his eyes. "Y/n...?" He couldn't help but think you were crying and asking for advice on how to tell him something, he thinks you're seeing his brother, and don't know how to tell him. But boy is he far off.

"I... I need to talk to you... Osamu k-knows a-already..." He looked down at you confused, taking his brother's spot next to you.

"Y/n..." He wants to tell you he knows, but something about your face is saying to wait.

"I... I... I c-can't..." You buried your face into his chest, he was taken back but immediately hugged you. "I... I don't know why I can't... tell you... the words just... won't come out..." He furred his brows, hoping his misreading things.

"It's just me, Y/n." You broke down more, that's the thing, you didn't even want to go on a date, but, you wanted to get rid of your feelings for the blonde twin. You know he'd never like you, but he does. He really does.

"T-That's the p-point..." Osamu came back in and tapped your shoulder.

"I-I don't know much, about ya s-situation, but, here..." You grabbed the water from him and smiled lightly, that confirmed it, he was misreading things.

"Y/n...?" You looked down at your cup.

"Hey, just tell him what you told me."

"Okay..." He furred his brows and sighed.

"Y/n-"

"I was raped." You blurted out cutting Atsumu off... out of all things. He never expected that, Osamu sat there rubbing your shoulder.

"You... what...?"

"She went on a date, got dizzy after..." Atsumu sat closer to you, pulling you into his chest, rubbing your back softly.

"I..." The words got stuck in his throat. "I... will y-you be able to... sleep...?" You laughed at how careful he's being.

"C-Can I stay, w-with you... tonight...?"

"Ya guys can take the guest room, so ya can talk privately, and not annoy me." You both laughed, Atsumu helped you stand before leading you to the bed.

"Ya can take the bed." You gave him a look.

"I, uh, please don't make me sleep alone." He looked at you and sighed.

"I won't," He rubbed your arms gently. He laid over the covers as you laid under, you laughed. "What?"

"I don't bite." He laughed getting under the covers. He watched as you closed your eyes, scooting a little closer. "You can close your eyes and try to sleep you know."

"Sorry, I might not be able to sleep. I usually sleep without a shirt."

"Oh. Then take your shirt off, ya goof." He froze for a second, but slowly sat up, slipping his shirt over his head. He laid back down resting on his back. "Better?"

"Yeah." You nuzzled closer sighing a little.

"Uh, Tsumu, can uh, can you hold me..." He looked at you and saw how you weren't meeting his eyes.

"Come here," you nuzzled your head into his chest letting his arm drape over your shoulder, rubbing it softly, you let out a shaky breath. "Better?"

"Hm, thank you... Tsumu." He squeezed you in response. Once he felt your body get heavier, he kissed your head.

"I'd do anything for ya, I love ya, ya idiot. But... I don't want to hurt ya..." You smiled slightly before looking up making Atsumu turn a deep red. "I thought ya were asleep."

"Eh, but for the record, I love you too... to be honest, I went on the date because... I thought you didn't like me so..."

"Hm, so it's my fault." You sat up immediately as he looked like he was about to cry.

"No, god no."

"If I would have grown a pair, and told you how I felt... none of this would have happened."

"And I wouldn't be here, laying next to you." You traced your fingers over his abs, "I wouldn't be touching you like this." You leaned down pecking his lips. "Kissing you."

"No, no, we'd still do that." You both laugh cuddling into each other. "I love ya."

"I love you too. And you could never hurt me."

#haikyuu #terushima x y/n #tsukishima x y/n #atsumu x y/n #fluff #angst #rape #cute confessions #not good enough #insecure #hurt #fear

[skellebonez]

14. With a possessed monkie kid? (Doesn't have to be my au, i just crave possession stuff rn fbsbfb)

Oh you gave me so much power. I have too much power. I had to write this ASAP before Friday, I did not want the idea I had to be tempered by what happens in the finale. Since this is supposed to be set a couple weeks after what could possibly happen. Spoilers if you haven’t read the summary for S2E10.

This may not be in your Possession AU, but it takes a little inspiration from it because I love it!

Warning: vaguely described injuries, blood. Reminder that I think Macaque can be severely hurt but is immortal to the point he can heal any injury.

Am I scaring you?

“Hey- don’t scream it’s just me- You guys seen MK around?”

Despite Macaque’s request, Pigsy and Tang continued to scream. It wasn’t surprising, really. It wasn’t every day that an enemy your friend/person you see as a son just revealed to you a couple weeks earlier had attacked him twice in ways that had left him pretty messed up and questioning his choices and abilities just pops their body from the shoulders up out of the shadows on your wall without warning. Doubly so when very shortly after learning all this that person does a heel face turn and joins your side without technically joining it against everyone’s will and is still kind of an asshole.

The immortal monkey needed to work on that last bit. Maybe he could upgrade from “asshole” to “jerk face” in the eyes of Team MK if he brought drinks. He didn’t really care though, he just wanted to make his own life easier. At least Wukong had been... somewhat open to letting him stick around, given MK convinced them to talk when they were too exhausted after the giant mech battle to actually fight each other, and that made their joint training sessions with MK much easier. That still took getting used to.

"Has MK been acting... off to you lately?" Macaque asked after Tang and Pigsy stopped screaming and levied him with unhappy glowers at the intrusion. One more note to add on the ‘things he should probably stop doing if people want to not hate him’ list, announcing himself better. "I know I'm kinda knew to this whole ‘technically not being a bad guy and caring a bit about other people’ thing and all but he seems..."

‘Not being a bad guy’. Nailed it.

"Dead inside?" Tang deadpanned. "Yeah, we kinda noticed."

“A little more blunt than I was gonna put it but yeah,” Macaque stepped out of the shadows fully, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly as Pigsy grabbed a wooden spoon and held it. A warning that he would not hesitate to chuck it at him at the first excuse he needed. “He’s been acting odd around both me and Wukong. Which, you know, given everything that happened I get it, but he hasn’t come to his last three training sessions at all.”

This, unlike everything else he had said, seemed to make the two men pause.

“What do you mean?” Tang asked, pushing his glasses up and looking at him oddly. “He’s been leaving for those on time like normal.”

“Ah, well, you see,” Macaque chose his next few words carefully. Being honest, truly honest without theatrics or planning in advance to help him, was a new undertaking for him so he stumbled through it. “The first time it happened Wukong astral projected to him and they talked and he seemed ok enough, like he just needed a break. The next time it happened I kinda... followed him? Just to make sure he was ok, no evil shadow business! He just kinda wandered downtown the entire time, looking like he was lost without being lost. If that makes sense. But yesterday he did the same thing so I did the same thing and I found him just kinda... sitting in front of the entrance to DBK’s old hideout?”

Instead of making the two men more concerned, this seemed to make them both deflate.

“Yeah...” Pigsy said softly, lowering the spoon just a bit. “He’s been doing that. We, uh... we had Mei follow him a couple times on deliveries because he was acting off. He did the sitting thing a few days ago too, just while he was on break or if he finished his deliveries early. He’s been doing that a lot lately, like he wants to get things done fast so he can do whatever he’s doing.”

“But he isn’t even doing anything!” Tang said, gripping his hair with one hand. “It’s like he’s just... sitting? Like he just wants to be alone maybe? Sandy’s been talking to him, trying to help him with the cats and everything, but he thinks he needs to see his therapist instead... I think he’s right.”

Macaque frowned for a second before forcing a wide smile on his face. “I thought so. I think Sandy may have the right idea too, you should talk to him. OK BYE-E!”

Before the two men could react he fell backward into the shadows and dissipated. He had somewhere to be.

~

Just sitting... no. Macaque was sure of it now as he watched MK sitting in front of the hole that still had not been filled since DBK had left the Flaming Foundry, cloaked in shadow behind littered debris. His conversation with the Monkie Kid’s elders confirmed the immortal’s suspicions.

MK was waiting for something.

And that meant something was deeply wrong.

He hadn’t lied to the duo in the noodle shop, but he hadn’t told them the full truth either. Macaque had been following MK for the last week, already knew about Mei himself, partly out of curiosity at first but also out of Wukong’s own insistence. He was worried for his successor and knew that Macaque could keep a quieter eye on him than he ever could, and Wukong... Wukong and MK, despite their renewed training, were not on the best of terms right then. Not after he learned what the vacation really was, not after he learned that his mentor knew about the White Bone Spirit the entire time. They were still close! Closer than MK was to Macaque when he trained him at least, just. Strained.

Watching his two teachers finally talk for once and work out what actually happened all those centuries ago, showing that Wukong wasn’t just an unflappable hero but a person who made mistakes and had worked to better himself and would continue to do so because he was a person, probably softened that a bit. He was still upset but much less so in the week after the defeat... but this last week it was like all that had been undone too quickly. It started slowly, but after four days it was like they were back to the day he learned the truth but so much worse.

For the last three days MK was so quiet, reserved, completely unlike the loud and excited guy Macaque knew and like he just wanted to be left alone to sit and not interact with anyone. Tang said he was acting like he was “dead inside”.

That... wasn’t an entirely incorrect descriptor. It was like he was hollow and just going about the motions. Or like he had closed off everything inside of himself for some reason.

Wukong was terrified. He’d been talking to MK every day he didn’t come to the island to train via astral projection, and Macaque had just watched another conversation between the two end half an hour earlier. Macaque tried the same thing but didn’t get nearly as far as Wukong had been, and talking to him like this seemed to make him less likely to just up and leave (the few times Wukong had just come to MK instead made it clear how uncomfortable he had been, ending the conversations with a quick jump from the staff before Wukong could convince him to stay, so they decided to go with what made him more comfortable to find out what was happening).

So that was how they operated. Macaque watched MK. Made sure he was at least physically ok. Wukong talked to MK, didn’t force him to come to the island and wouldn’t show up unannounced. But despite them communicating more than they ever had it was like he was telling Wukong less than he ever had before. The one thing they didn’t tell him was what Macaque was doing.

“Am I scaring you?” MK suddenly said, loud enough for only Macaque to hear. His tone was... wrong. “You’re not nearly as sneaky as you think you are, Six-Ear.”

“What?” Macaque shot up and out of the shadows, eyes wide. MK had never called him that before.

The man before him stood, back to him and headband and coat oddly still in the blowing wind.

And then he jumped.

“MK!” Macaque reacted without thinking, diving down the hole after his Wukong’s student. He knew that he would be just fine, he could handle being thrown into a mountain so he could handle jumping down a giant hole, but the sight was too sudden and horrific for him to remember that at the moment.

Except he wasn’t there. When Macaque landed, the crash of his boots hitting the rocky ground echoing through the artificial cavern, he was alone.

Something was even more deeply wrong than he could have ever imagined.

“MK! Kid! Kiddo!?” He called out, all six of his ears out to catch any hint of movement. “Come on, you told me off for calling you Kiddo just last week, get angry at me so I know you’re ok! Tell me you’re a Monkey Man or something!” Macaque tried to keep his tone light, words lighter with an awkward laugh at the end of his sentences, but it only served to make the sinking feeling in his stomach worse. The opposite effect he wanted to accomplish. “Say something damn it!”

Silence. Everything was... silent. The only thing Macaque could hear was his own breathing, his own heartbeat, the rushing of blood in his ears... but nothing else.

Then a laugh. Low and soft and wrong and Macaque’s eyes widened as he realized his mistake.

He knew that laugh.

He also knew the feeling of the staff. He felt it during their first battle, when MK pulled every ounce of lingering power to defeat him. He felt it during that climactic encounter with Wukong, when his eye was damaged beyond repair.

He felt it now, as it jutted through his stomach without warning. Covered in blood.

Huh... that was kind of new, actually. He hadn’t felt a new sensation like that in so long.

The staff was pulled back and out of him quickly, driving him to his feet as he held the new wound and listened and nearly imperceptible footsteps made their way around him. How had he not heard... no. No he knew now. Now it was obvious what had happened.

Why did his wound burn like that? Why couldn’t he stand? He should be able to move, he wasn’t this weak!

“He beat you,” He groaned out, coughing as he tried to stay upright on his knees. “You should be-”

“Dead?” MK asked, voice his own but tone completely different. The black on his shoes were blue. As Macaque looked up he could see most of the color on his outfit had faded to white with blue accents. His eyes, the only think about him physically to be different, a brilliant blue to match. His headband was gone from around his head, instead used to help slick his hair back and out of his face. “How can you kill what already isn’t alive? No, I just waited in this body until I was able to influence him enough to make him... compliant. Much easier that way, actually.”

Either his vision went fuzzy or the world around them did, MK moving closer at a speed that shouldn’t be possible. His hands were grasping Macaque’s scarf tightly... this felt far too familiar.

“If you had been the dragon girl or anyone else I might have just killed you, you know,” MK’s voice said as he tilted his head to the side, an almost playful smile on his face. “But this is much more fun, and preferable. You can relay the message for me, once the poison I coated the staff in wears off and you heal anyway.”

Macaque was dropped unceremoniously onto his back, letting out an agonized yelp as he hit the ground. MK stomped on his wound, earning another scream.

“By then myself and this body will be long gone,” MK chuckled, stepping over Macaque completely to walk further into the foundry. “I must thank you, you played into my hands so much better than I ever planned on. Getting you all to work together to ‘beat me’ was just far too easy.” He stopped, turning to smirk at the immortal shuddering on the ground.

“I haven’t had a body this powerful in centuries,” the White Bone Spirit said with a laugh before vanishing in a fuzz of his vision and a wisp of cold air.

#monkie kid #lego monkie kid #gen fic #hurt no comfort #warning: described injuries #mk #qi xiaotian #six eared macaque #Pigsy #tang #white bone spirit #lady bone demon #FILLER TAG FILLER TAG FILLER TAG #macaque will live but fuck he is going to be feeling that for a while #warning: impalement

[stylesann]

Rebuilding

Steve Rogers x fem!reader

Summary: Steve decides to go back to the 40’s and you hurt.

Warnings: idk? Angst but happy ending

A/N: I have no idea what this is but aaa I feel like it’s bad lol, I just always get in a very angsty and dramatic mood every time that I read a story about Steve leaving so I wanted to do my own twist? Idk, and it’s been yeaaaars since I don’t write anything and also I’m not a native English speaker so I apologise any mistakes. Comments are always welcome 💕 -> written in around 15/04/2021; ->posted 28/05/2021

Masterlist

You stare at the ocean and release all the air you were holding on your lungs. You still felt your body heavy but at least your tears had stoped. You’re fighting hard to keep your thoughts out of your head, to keep your mind calm like the scenario in front of you, an empty beach with the ocean waves rhythmically hitting the shore. The sky had a lot of clouds and it would probably rain soon, but you didn’t mind, it matched you mood.

You could say you were surprised but all you felt was disappointment, sadness and if you were being honest, you felt anger and jealousy. What Peggy had that you didn’t? I mean, you didn’t know the answer and you were sure if you had asked Steve he wouldn’t be able to give you one cause he had spent such a short amount of time with her that he couldn’t be able to actually know all of her. All her flaws, all the quirks. In the past you had thought he didn’t even loved her anymore and was just in love with an image, an illusion he had from his past. But for him to had left you for her you weren’t even sure of that anymore.

You also felt used, replaceable, like you were just kept there cause he couldn’t do better, cause he couldn’t be with her. And now that he could he just tossed you away. You knew Steve wasn’t that kind of guy, but thats how you felt. And no one could tell you how you should feel or deal with it.

So that’s what lead you here. It had all happened hours ago. You saw his old self in that bench and you just felt numb. Bucky tried to hold you, he said that Steve wanted to talk to you but you just left. You had that right didn’t you? You didn’t care about what he had to say, it was all bullshit. You didn’t care about his guilt, or how sorry he was. You didn’t even care to go back to the apartment you shared with him, because you knew if you had gone there you would be stared by a hundred pictures you had with him.

You just wanted to get away. So here you came. You look down to the wedding band on you finger and the engagement ring. You wore both together but it didn’t make sense to have them anymore. You didn’t want any memories from Steve on you so you take them out and feel their light weight on you palm. You knew this was it, it was your way of closure, of ending that part of you life. You take a deep breath and throw them at the sea. There’s no way of seeing them drown but just the thought that you didn’t have them anymore made you lighter.

You turn around, ready to go back to the car that brought you here but you see a familiar figure blocking the way. Bucky.

“How are you feeling, doll?” he says approaching you. You didn’t know how long he was standing there or what he had seen. You wonder if he could see how empty and drained you really were.

“In the moment I’m not feeling anything. I think I’m still mostly numb. But that’s probably for the best, right?” You try to give him a light answer knowing that he lost his best friend too. How could Steve have left him after fighting so long to have him back was beyond you. “Did you know? Did you know what he was gonna do?”

“I did” that was all it took for the tears to start falling from your eyes. Why had Steve told him and not you? You were his wife for gods sake didn’t you deserve at least this? Bucky reaches for you but you push him away.

“Why didn’t h-he tell me? Why did he d-do this?” you hiccup between the words, the tears falling harder than before.

“I think he just didn’t have the guts to. You know he loves you, Y/N-“

“Screw him! If he did, he wouldn’t have done this!” All the feelings you were trying to push down seem to come to surface and tighten their grip on your chest. “I can’t understand why you aren’t angry? Why aren’t you feeling betrayed?”

“He didn’t leave me alone Y/N, he asked us to take care of each other” he has a pleading look on his face while he says that, and you see that the difference between you and him is that he had some time to come to terms with his friends decision, he’s sad but keeping it to himself. He’s trying to be strong for everyone one else who didn’t know, for you mostly.

“I don’t care about what he asked. I’m not staying and I’m not doing what he would want me too. I’m always gonna be there for you Buck, not because he’s wants that but because I care about you. Whatever you need you can call, even if it’s just for a chat, but I’m not staying, i can’t. I am getting into that car and I’m gonna drive away as much as i can, and I’m only stopping when I feel like I’ve put miles between me and this” you say more calm than you were minutes before. You had a plan, it may not be the best one but that’s what you had for now. You didn’t want to be in the same place you lived with Steve, you didn’t want to see the same scenarios you saw with him, you wanted nothing from him. Maybe it was bitter of you, or maybe you didn’t have the best coping mechanism but you needed the distance.

Bucky’s expression seemed to sadden a bit but he understood, he knew this wasn’t easy for you. “I don’t want to change your mind about leaving, so I say the same, if you need anything you call Y/N, got it?” He says as he hugs you firmly.

“Got it” you say in whisper against his shoulder, his arms still around you delaying the last moments he’s gonna have with another friend. You hate to be doing this, he didn’t deserve it you knew it, but you also knew that he wouldn’t be willing to accompany you on your trip, and it was something that you needed to do alone. You were alone.

“You know he wouldn’t have done this if he didn’t know you you be able to rebuild your life, right? You’re a strong person” He uses the same tone of voice you had, he probably just didn’t want to trigger you into making your feelings rise again.

“Everyone has the ability to rebuild themselves, Buck. The fact that I’m strong shouldn’t make what he did alright. And I don’t feel much strong now... I just feel like I’m a shell. And even if I do find someone else, how am I going to let them in? How am I supposed to trust anyone with my heart, when the guy I gave all my heart before completely destroyed me?” A single tear fall from your eye, but you hold the rest back. “I’m going to be fine but I don’t even know what that mean anymore.” He just nods to this, and I know there’s nothing left to be said so I head to the car and take a deep breath holding the wheel. This is it.

I look at Bucky while I drive away, he’s still standing where I left him and I hope with everything on me that he will be fine too. Whatever that means.

****************************

The sun is harsh on your eyes slipping through the curtains open frames. You turn your head to the other side and you feel a heavy weight on your waist stopping you from moving further than that. You slowly open your eyes to see Franks figure with his arm on you and his head drowned on the pillow.

You turn again to look at the clock to see it marking 8:47 am. Mary would be up soon, so you slip from Frank taking extra care not to wake him up and head to the kitchen to make a quick breakfast.

“Y/N! Y/N! Can we have pancakes today?!” Mary breaks into the small kitchen excitedly jumping around. Today you and Frank would be taking her to her new math club and she couldn’t be more anxious about it.

“What is going on here” Franks rough morning voice appears on the room. He’s rubbing his eyes and seems to be sleeping still.

“We are making Mary her favourite pancakes for breakfast” you answer them as you get the ingredients on the counter. Mary hugs you and sits straight on the table waiting for you to prepare them.

It had been 6 years since the day you left New York and ended up traveling for a long time through the country only to end up here. Florida. It was hot all the time, you always felt warm but it was distant enough from your past and you felt better about it. You decided that you wanted to rent a small place near the beach and so you found a woman named Roberta, that rented a few houses that fulfilled your wish. You didn’t think twice before accepting her deal.

You weren’t carrying anything on you except for the few clothes that you had bought on your journey so the move was quite simple. And you weren’t expecting to fit in so well here but the fact that as soon as you were settled a little girl, who was maybe 7 at the time, had come to you with a lot of questions that honestly you couldn’t answer warmed you up to the place real fast.

The fact that Mary had managed to always meet up with you but you still had to meet Frank was beyond you. She talked a lot about him “Frank did this today”, “oh did you know Frank let me adopt another cat”, “the first cat Frank got us was Fred, he has only one eye”, and so on. You knew more about him that you probably would by talking to him in person, according to Mary herself. She said he was very closed but had a great heart, she even told you the story about him fighting in justice for her guard. It only made you think he was a great guy who would do anything to protect his niece, and you were sincerely excited to meet him, give the person a face.

However, as it appears that his schedule was always all over the place and you always waking around town and spending many hours on the beach didn’t help with your meeting. You didn’t understand at first too how Mary always found you around, but she explained that whenever she wasn’t studying and Frank was going out with his girlfriend Boni, she stayed with her friend Roberta, who quickly became a good acquaintance of yours.

Either way, Mary had been talking to you for weeks when you finally met Frank. You couldn’t believe your eyes and genuinely thought you were delusional. He looked just like Steve, but the moment he started speaking you could see the differences between the two and the helped you find your foot again.

In the beginning you were hesitant about spending time with Mary and Frank, who surprised Mary with the news that he had gotten a more stable job. According to him, he still fixed boats but for a company that payed well. You were happy for him but the memories his face brought still made you want distance.

During the four years you traveled around you had let him go, all of him. You had been trough all the grief stages and learnt how to do well with your own company, you didn’t need anyone else. But looking at his face had the effect of hitting you with a sad resigned feeling and you didn’t like it. But Mary always spoke so highly of her uncle that you knew keeping your distance from both because of memories wasn’t fair.

Frank, of course notice that you never iniciantes any conversation with him and he wondered if Mary had introduced the same woman she said was talkative and affectionated. He asked you about it and it wasn’t until you answered with sincerity that he understood. Since then he was more careful in your presence which you appreciated.

With time though, you warmed up to him, he was a good guy you never doubted that. You became close friends and when him and Boni broke up you helped him. It was a mutual break up but it’s never easy.

You friendship was going great until you notice him treating you differently than he would before and you realised he was slowly catching feelings for you. Obviously being romantically involved with him was the last thing you wanted but you couldn’t bring yourself to change the way things were going between you two and that’s what led you to this moment.

In a car, dropping Mary off to her math club, with Frank by your side and the promise that it would be okay. It had to. You took so long to let him in that now you didn’t want to let go, and you doubt Frank wanted anything but stay. Bucky said the same when he came to visit you and Frank. You look at him and you see him smile at you.

“You think he’s gonna be a mini genius?” He asks looking at the small bump on your belly.

“If he gets MY genes, obviously” I sass laughing.

“Ha, you know the genius genes it’s on my side of the family Mrs. Adler” he chuckles.

“On your dreams” you smile. It you be okay.

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers #frank adler #frank adler x reader

[natromanxoff]

Most of you probably know about the alleged tape incident of Roger’s. After constantly getting pissed off because of him getting called as “dumbass”, seeing people trying to find and watch the video (let’s be honest that is actually a little impertinent); now I am able to acknowledge better how someone out there made up some incorrect version about this, maybe even totally fake, story and the misinformation had spread around. It’s actually getting even worse when the incident in question might not have happened at all.

Last month, I have come across and received the scan of another article which had headlines about this matter. And guess what? While I was only expecting to read pure nonsense again, there was more about it - I realized that it doesn’t tell about it as Roger giving the wrong tape and it’s totally different. The Sun said “it’s stolen" too but everybody around has been saying “he gave it”. Before I start, I’d like to point out some important points: 

1. Be aware that this is, even though it has reached out to tabloids, a private issue. Whether the story is wrong or right, this is a story about a private stuff of them. Above all, Roger is already a private person himself about his personal life. Please be respectful at that if you ever say something about it.

2. You all use this story to mock him in some ways which I don’t really appreciate – it’s kind of like IILWMC –, don’t do it. I am not writing this down for you to change the context and make more jokes. My sole purpose is trying to stop this ‘gave the wrong tape’ accusation because I don’t see any source or proof regarding that. Send me if there’s any but I don’t think there is.

3. Always remember that these are only tabloid stuff. Most of the time, they are not credible or creditable at all. Those are the same papers which wrote all the horrible things when Freddie passed away. It’s hard to trust anything that those unreliable papers wrote about. But, at least, we’ll be able to see the origin of some details. Basically, keep in mind that this whole thing might not have happened at all but it also mentions nothing about him making a mistake - that part doesn’t appear anywhere on the internet actually, except on the words of fans’.

4. Let’s just not delve into this subject much more than necessary but only read the paper to see what it says. As I said, this post is written only for information.

We all know about The Sun article (May 4th, 1991). The one I mentioned now is from Sunday Mirror (SM) (May 5th, 1991). There is a couple of interesting points when you compare these two; that person asked for £10,000 from the first one anonymously and £5,000 from the second one by arranging a meeting; The Sun says they let the police know about it and some progress have already been made, SM says they gave the files to detectives the previous night; The Sun is somehow able to tell that the video was recorded in the previous year but also tells that it’s not known how the copy was made, meanwhile SM describes it with details. They make me nothing but more suspicious, like they are in contradict and something feels off. Did he request two different amounts of money from two different newspaper company by having only one copy to see which one will accept? Or were there more than one copy? If there were more than one, it makes me think that people would have found it by now. I am not going to question these anymore though, I don’t want to do that and it’s not my aim at all, because the main point I’d like to talk about and correct is how the tape has reached out to Douglas Lane, the person who tried to sell it,: by the man who was hired to do some work at Roger’s home when he was away. He thought the tape he saw on the shelf is a video from The Miracle album and took it home to watch so he basically ‘stole’ it because he ended up making a copy and giving it to Lean.

Lean claimed the tape had been “borrowed” and copied by a 47-old-friend.

The man had been hired to do building work at Taylor’s £700,000 second home in Kensington, West London, while the star was away.

He took the tape from a shelf thinking it was a video from Queen’s Miracle album.

Lean said: “He is a Queen fan so he thought he would take it home and have a look at it.”

And Douglas, who earns money in an unsatisfying amount, thought that he would get more by selling it.

“He had the sense to copy it and put the original back, but he didn’t do anything with the copy.

“He knew I was involved in music and told me about it.”

Lean, who drives a concrete mixer by day and earns £20 a night playing guitar in pubs, said: “I immediately thought I could make myself a packet out of it.

“It was my idea to sell it.”

Sunday Mirror writes that Lean said Roger edited the tape so that after those “sessions”, you see Breakthru video and he labelled the tape “Breakthru promo”.

“Taylor has no idea the video has been copied,” said Lean.

He said the tape was labelled “Breakthrough Promo” — the name of the band’s single from the Miracle album.”

I mean, really? I honestly don’t have any idea why he would do that. Why would he add a private video on a same tape with one of Queen videos? Why would he bother? If he did, why does he label it with that? Why does that worker get so curious about a video from 2 years ago? Maybe he didn’t have chance to see it in those two years, that could be the only answer. But why does he bring it to his home rather than watching it in Roger’s home? Surely, he wouldn’t see any problem at that as he’s fine with taking something that doesn’t belong to him. It’s purely a chance that he came across with something unexpected which will make him want to copy it at his home.

And after everything, this is apparently what Lean says:

But he insisted: The video was not stolen. It was just borrowed and copied.”

I can say a lot of words right now but I won’t… If all these things are really true, that is not an excuse of taking someone’s private stuff to copy without their consent, not ethical at all as he aimed to sell it and make it public. Ergo it was indeed stolen.

So, see? There is no “mixing the tapes and giving the wrong tape to a fan”. I assume this article must be the first place where that wrong version came from. And if it is telling the truth, there seems to be no mistake he has done here because his private stuff has been taken from his property unbeknownst to him. Briefly, we don’t know for sure if they had a tape and if it has really reached out to someone but if it did, then I believe this is high likely how it would happen.

It’s worth to mention that there is another theory regarding these news, that it’s been arranged to take media’s attention off Freddie. I can’t tell which one is true or if both them are wrong and nothing even happened, of course. It’s up to you, choosing whatever you’re going to believe in. But know that I can’t see any creditable source about him giving the wrong tape - so I wouldn’t suggest believing in that or keeping talking about it - and there might be more about this that we don’t / won’t know about so it’s only haste to make a judgement based on these. 

Last note about something regarding him in general: Please, don’t take the different versions of this story and comments about them into account when you form your opinion about him because only those things don’t define him. Or the other way around, “if it’s Roger, it’s probably true - he would do it” attitude is not really fair when we consider that it’s actually you who chose to perceive him in that way by getting influenced whether by the movie or some ‘facts’ around - they do not reflect some aspects of him in the right way. Always try to find an original source. It is not always only him who would have his fun in those various ways, it is possible for any other rock star. All of them did some stuff - sometimes some really bad stuff - but it is not only Roger (I don’t mean the stated story here though, I honestly can’t see anything bad there). So him being the one who is involved in this story doesn’t prove or provide any authenticity. If everyone complies with that while critizing him or not approving something about him, it is always acceptable and welcomed, in my opinion. And that is valid about everyone, of course.

#gosh i have oscillated so much between posting and not but here it is #queen #queen band #roger taylor #roger meddows taylor

[spencersawkward]

switchblade faith//spencer reid - chapter 9

summary: one month after joining the BAU, Clea is still settling in. between solving murders and getting acclimated to DC, the only comfortable thing in her life is her new friendship with Dr. Spencer Reid. (Baby Spence)

pairing: Fem!OC x Spencer

word count: 4.1k

content warnings: tattooing/tattoo aftercare, mostly fluffy!

A/N: hi! it's been a while since i updated this series, but i love it too much to leave it behind and i'm also always going to be obsessed with sub!spence. anyway, all my tattoos are stick and pokes atm so if some of the tattoo stuff if a little off, i'm sorry!

masterlist

it's really a matter of principle that keeps me bound to the promise. if I were a weaker woman, I would back down from the chair, would have shaken my head and told JJ that no, actually, I will not be getting something permanently inked on my body purely for the fulfillment of a bet.

but with most of the team around me and a couple flutes of champagne flowing through my veins, I give in. it's going to be small, even though I'm not going to see it until it's done. Penelope and Morgan being in charge of the design scares me, though. I start to get nervous that I'm going to end up with a unicorn tramp stamp.

"where are you gonna get it?" Garcia nudges my shoulder once we get inside the tattoo parlor. her eyes are traveling over all the intense artwork, which I can already tell is very much not her style. the walls are covered in intricate prints from past customers.

I think to myself for a moment. if I'm being completely honest, there's one place I've been meaning to get a tattoo, but never have. it's easy to hide, which is good. as long as the design they choose isn't horrifically embarrassing, I'll do it.

"I'm thinking..." I pull the waistband of my jeans down a little until it's right below my hip bone. "there."

"sexy." she says suggestively. I laugh.

"depending on what you guys have decided to give me, yeah." I angle for a hint, but Penny isn't caving.

"are you ready?" Morgan asks, having returned from the front desk area, where he's been talking to the artist. I take a deep breath, peer around at the rest of the team. we look like an odd bunch in here, an assortment of ages all gathered in a dark tattoo parlor.

Spencer's watching me with a concerned expression and I realize that I've been staring around for a decent amount of time. he doesn't say anything, although I've noticed that he's got a certain face he makes right before he does-- and he's making it.

"Clea, are you sure you wanna do this? you don't have to." JJ touches my shoulder suddenly. I realize that they think I'm genuinely worried and I let out a laugh.

"yeah, I'm fine," I turn to Morgan. "lead the way, handsome."

the tattoo artist has me lie down while he preps all his tools, snaps on his gloves. everyone sees me on my stomach and Emily gasps.

"are you getting a tramp stamp?"

"what? no," I giggle. "I'm gonna get it here." I show them the spot I just showed Penelope, and Spencer raises his eyebrows. Prentiss whispers something in Morgan's ear and the suave agent smirks.

"you're gonna like this." Penny grins. I glance at the tattoo artist to see how he reacts to that statement, but he's got a good poker face, unfortunately.

"are you being serious or are am I gonna hate all of you?" I ask.

"maybe a bit of both?" Spencer says in a slightly higher pitch, looking pleased to be in on the joke. I stare at him in disbelief.

"he knows what I'm getting, too?" I point disdainfully. Morgan laughs at the attitude.

"I told him on the way here."

I shake my head slowly and turn my attention to the boy genius, who is hiding a proud smile. there's a boyish quality to it that makes me feel a little better. I have to pull the side of my pants down as I turn on my side for the artist, and a peek of my black underwear makes Prentiss let out a whistling noise. my cheeks turn pink.

"shut up."

"are you ready?" the tattoo guy asks me. it's only then that I notice we're close to actually getting this done. I have no idea what's going on my body-- but there's no time like the present, right?

"sure."

it's the buzzing of the machine when he finally touches the needle to my skin that surprises me more than the pain itself. I feel myself resist the urge to move away, but I'm still enough for him to keep working.

"how's it feel?" Emily asks.

"like getting a tattoo." I wince. Penelope softens, looking between her coworkers guiltily.

"oh no," she complains, then comes over to me and grabs my hand in hers. "is this better?"

I squeeze tightly at the stinging sensation across my thigh, but she doesn't pull away at all.

"yeah." I smile. everyone is watching me intently, so much so that it puts me off a bit. "can we talk about something, maybe? it doesn't help when you're all staring."

"sure," JJ grins. "so..."

the pressure to start a conversation kills any potential for one, and then Spencer clears his throat. "anybody wanna see a cool magic trick?"

I snort and the rest of the team lets out a chuckle as the genius pulls a deck of cards out of his pants pocket. Morgan pats his shoulder. "I hope it works this time."

"it worked last time!" Reid protests, but his cheeks have taken on a slightly rosy hue. I watch him shuffle the mysterious deck and do some fancy tricks that I've never seen before, the corner of his mouth quirking with a sudden air of confidence.

Penelope is still holding my hand, and I can feel the metal of her sparkly rings pressing against my fingers. I choose to focus on the theatrical movements that Spencer is definitely using on purpose instead of the strange, sharp pain.

he fans out the cards and shows them to me, smiling. "pick a card, any card."

"hmm..." I tap my chin thoughtfully and stare at the bright red designs covering the back. I wonder if it's a rigged deck, or if he actually knows tricks. he doesn't seem like the type of person to be into magic. but then again, Spencer is full of surprises. I grab a random one in the middle, pluck it out and memorize it. a red six of spades.

"alright, then..." he grins and slams the deck back into one neat pile, then does some weird shuffling move again and shows the fanned-out deck to Morgan this time. "your turn."

Morgan's gaze flickers between the cards and Reid's face, which is trying to suppress a smile. the dimple on the right side of his cheek twitches once. when Derek taps a card near the end, Spencer nods and does the same thing that he did when I picked one.

except this time, as soon as he's got the whole deck together, he taps them a bit too hard and they go flying. fifty-two-pick-up style, Queens and Kings and Jokers tumbling to the linoleum floor in a defeated descent. my eyes widen and second-hand embarrassment rolls in, followed by the team's stunned silence.

I even feel the tattoo artist falter a bit in his work.

"oh." Spencer says. JJ puts her hand on his shoulder.

"Spence, it's fine."

"no, no, it's not-- I practiced this, like, fifty times last night--" his face is bright red as he drops to his knees. Penelope glances once at you and you return her stare with a pitying expression. Emily goes to help him, then Morgan and JJ.

"let me just..." he gathers up the remaining cards that they hand him, putting them back together into the pile again. I watch as he goes through them, somehow counting at lightning speed before frowning. "we're missing one."

everyone looks around, but it's obvious that there aren't any more stray cards lying about. I feel bad for him, not only because it didn't work but because he practiced it so much. I've been wondering what he does on the weekends-- magic tricks never even crossed my mind.

then Spencer's face lights up.

he comes over to me and gestures to my side, right by the spot where the tattoo artist is working. "may I?"

"uh--" I glance down at where he's pointing, the small patch of bare stomach. "sure?"

his fingertips graze beneath my tummy, between my skin and the smooth leather of the tattoo table, and snatch a card out from under me. it's barely a touch, but my breath hitches in my throat. my fingers tighten just slightly around Penelope's.

he holds up a red six of spades. the enormous grin on his face gives him away. "this wouldn't happen to be your card, would it?"

I gasp and nod, amazement on my face before it's wiped away by the sharp pain of the needle. Spencer displays the red six of spades to the whole team, then basks in their surprised applause.

Emily's smiling in disbelief. "you really had us going for a second."

"wait, wait--" I poke his leg and Spencer turns to me. "how did you do that?"

there's no way he could have hidden it there without me knowing; if he had slipped a card beneath my bare skin, surely I would have felt it. but the magic man just shrugs and shakes his head at me.

"a good magician never shares their secrets, Clea."

this time, the blush spreads over my cheeks. he's cocky right now, and I'd be lying if I said I'm not enjoying it. he's in his element, I realize, even if it is an unexpected one. and as he puts the cards into his back pocket, the group erupts with questions.

he's done magic before in front of them, but they seem to be awestruck by his performance this time. admittedly, I think the whole klutz act really added a nice dramatic element to it.

I'm mostly quiet for the rest of the tattooing process, although everyone else is chattering about the trick and how well the ink is going to turn out. I'm still wracking my brain for ideas of what they chose, but I honestly don't know. I've been banned from peeking.

maybe this was a mistake-- I've only recently joined this team, and already allowed them to decide what's going to be on my body forever. at least it's small. and maybe I'll actually like it; who knows?

when the artist lets out a satisfied sigh and turns the needle off, however, I find myself twisting around and staring frantically at the new design.

"oh my god."

it's a tiny airplane, with two dotted loopty-loops behind it. just small enough to be adorable.

"what do you think?" Garcia asks, eyeing it herself. they all gather around to admire the new design that sits on the outside of my upper thigh. I giggle.

"I love it."

"don't sound so relieved." Emily laughs. I can't help the bubbly excitement in my stomach.

"sorry, I just didn't know what to expect."

Spencer is staring at the ink when he turns to the tattoo artist. "how long until you think it'll be healed?"

the guy stands up to get treatment stuff for it. "I'd say about two weeks, but it varies from person to person." he leaves to grab cling film.

"I thought for sure you'd be the one to know that." I smirk at the genius. he shoves his hands in his pockets, makes sure the artist is out of earshot, and then looks back at you.

"I do know." he scoffs.

"uh huh." I laugh.

"actually, for the record," he lowers his voice. "I'd recommend at least three weeks instead of two. the last thing you want is infected flesh."

"yum, Spencer. thanks for that image." I smile with wide eyes and he shrugs.

...

it's quiet when I shut the door of my apartment shut behind me. I've got a bag full of supplies with me to clean the new art, and I'm feeling lethargic after getting lunch with the team. because Rossi wasn't around to foot the bill, I made the mistake of offering to pay.

we've got the day off after the most recent slew of cases, so I've determined to spend the rest of my day well. I could curl up with a nice documentary, or I could scrub my kitchen and do a little tidying up around here. god knows the film of dust on my bookshelves needs to be wiped away.

oh my god.

am I boring? maybe. possibly.

I shake the thought from my head and bring my things into the kitchen to organize. after spending a few hours cleaning up, I go out grocery shopping, then come home to sit down with a book. my errands take up so much time, I don't even notice the DC sunlight sinking beneath the harsh lines of the city, drenching my apartment in a silky darkness poked through with lit lamps.

it's already 9pm and I kind of want to hang out with someone, but I doubt any of the team wants to spend any more time with me than they did before lunch. or they might have plans with their families.

well, I know one person who definitely doesn't have plans.

I pull out my phone and hit Spencer's contact before I can talk myself out of it, knowing full well that it's not a big deal but still becoming a little nervous. it rings three times before he picks up.

"hello?"

"hey, Spencer."

"Clea. what's-- what's up?" he sounds more confused than anything. probably because I just saw him about an hour ago.

"I know it's late, but do you wanna come over? I'm bored and I feel like you know more about tattoo cleaning than I do." it's a weak excuse.

"why would I know more about tattoo cleaning--"

"you know damn well why, Reid," I laugh. "don't fish for compliments."

there's a slight laugh on the other end of the line before he replies. "I'll be over soon."

I wait patiently, preparing two mugs of coffee in the meantime. I'm sure we'll both want the caffeine, because I have no urge to turn in early tonight. my stomach twists a bit when he calls to tell me he's here, and I go to let him in. I'm not nervous.

except I actually am a little bit nervous when I open the door and there's Spencer with a shy smile and a coat that's a bit too big for him. it hangs off his narrow frame, and I realize that it must have just started raining. his hair is wet and there are dark spots on his clothes where the water has seeped through.

"get inside, my god." I move aside so he can come into the apartment and warm up. he walks in, looks around at my walls. I realize that he's never been here before. "welcome to my humble abode, Dr. Reid."

"it's nice." he compliments without much emotion. I lock the door and turn just in time to see his hand shaking at his side.

"thanks. let me take your coat." I glance out the window, where I now notice the rain pelting the glass.

Spencer shrugs off his jacket and hesitantly lets me hang it on the hook by the door before turning to him with my hands on my hips. "so, how are you?"

"I'm good," he smiles a little and runs a hand through his hair. "I actually read an article on the way here about those psychedelic mushrooms we were discussing the other day."

"is that, like, our thing, now?" I joke and gesture to the couch, where two mugs of hot coffee rest on coasters. he sits down gingerly on the cushions, sitting at the very opposite end of the couch from me.

"I can send it to you, if you'd like." he smiles.

"please do. I've been hoping for some titillating reading, recently." I hand him the mug and he stop before taking a sip.

"how many sugars did you put in this?"

"relax, genius, I'm not out to get you--" I catch his eye. "yet."

he giggles and takes a sip, then another. the smile tugging at my lips is too obvious for my liking; I'm just glad that I got the amount of sugar correct. it would have been funny to ambush him with a sweetness attack, although I think making him come here in the rain was punishment enough.

"have you ever had oat milk?" he asks out of the blue. I frown.

"yeah, why?"

"just wondering. I'm lactose intolerant and was considering trying it."

"you're lactose intolerant?"

"mhmm." he nods enthusiastically.

"I watched you eat three yogurt cups in a row yesterday." I chuckle at the memory of it. he eats so much and remains as skinny as a telephone pole.

"I love dairy." he shrugs it off. I pull my legs up beneath me on the couch and give him a serious expression.

"well, personally, I think oat milk tastes horrendous and it makes me want to vomit, but you should try it."

"noted."

we start to talk about various nondairy alternatives for coffee and it ends up being a surprisingly fun conversation. talking to Spencer has its own charm-- it's not just a conversation, it's a fully immersive experience. from his ambitious vocabulary to the unconscious gestures he makes, all of it keeps me hooked.

I rest my cheek on my palm, elbow leaning against the back of the couch while I nod along to him talking about almond farming. he's got a disdainful expression on his face as he brings up its environmental consequences, punctuating every few sentences with another sip of his coffee.

the rain is still pouring outside. thunder occasionally rolls over the sky and shakes the windows in their panes. my eyes flit from his face to the view when a flash of lightning catches my attention.

"--sorry, we should clean your tattoo." he seems to catch himself mid-thought, realizing that he came here to help me and not just rant about the business of almonds. I smile.

"no worries. this stuff is interesting to me, too."

"there's this documentary out now about it, too, that I've been meaning to watch."

"really?"

"yeah!" his face lights up. "if you want, we can--" he clears his throat. "we can watch it together."

he blushes as he says it, and I can tell that he's worried about how his intentions will come off. he can't take it back, so he runs the pad of his index over his middle finger and fidgets in a subtle way.

"that sounds like fun." I don't want him to feel weird. we've only hung out a few times, and I'm sort of looking forward to it.

"great," he straightens and adjusts his shirt, which has gotten slightly rumpled from his curling up on the couch. his tie is crooked, too. "where are the cleaning supplies?"

"in the kitchen."

"perfect, we should be doing it in there anyway." he stands, pushes a bit of his hair behind his ear while he waits for me to follow-- and I do, albeit with a wince from my tender side. it doesn't hurt as much as I expected.

he follows me into the minuscule kitchen and doesn't hesitate to start going through the things the artist gave me to take home. there's some foam wash and special moisturizer for it, not a lot. it's small enough that the care will be minimal, which is reassuring.

it's only when Spencer's washing his hands that I realize I'll need to unbutton my pants again in order to reach the tattoo. which means this is about to get at least slightly awkward for the both of us.

he turns around just in time to see me unzipping my jeans and his eyes widen.

"how else do you expect to clean it?" I laugh, and he gulps, visibly. his Adam's apple bobs in his throat and he nods in understanding.

"y-yeah, of course." his eyes are everywhere but on me. suddenly, my kitchen walls are incredibly interesting.

I shove down the waistband of my pants until they're just below my upper thigh, then I sit up on the counter and clear my throat. "I can cover some of myself if that makes you more comfortable."

"no, no, that's okay--" he speaks too quickly, then recognizes his mistake. "it's okay. this shouldn't take very long, anyway."

without another word, I shrug and watch him delicately peel away the film. his fingertips are back to barely touching my skin, just like when he pulled that card out from beneath me, and I stop breathing for a moment.

there's also a gel-like substance under the covering, which he tells me is just standard petroleum jelly. Spencer moves with a near surgical (and altogether unnecessary) precision. his eyes are glued to my skin as if forcing them not to stray to my now exposed panties. it doesn't feel sexual at all because it's not, thankfully.

when he uses the foam wash and begins to rub it into my skin, he frowns with concern and looks up at me. "is this okay? you can do it yourself if--"

"it's fine, Reid," I answer too quickly this time. heat rushes to my cheeks. "I honestly thought this was going to be a more complicated process than it really is."

"it's pretty simple, especially for something this small." he shrugs. "obviously, you don't want to get it infected, so I'd just think of it as treating a cut."

silence in our respective positions at the moment makes me nervous, so I change the subject.

"magic tricks, huh?" if anything, I need to distract myself from the way his hand is rubbing over my skin in a totally nonsexual and platonic way.

he relaxes a little, lifting his gaze to mine with a somewhat pleased countenance. "yeah, I love magic."

it's like peeling back a corner of wallpaper and seeing a shade of red beneath; not a lot, but enough to pique my curiosity. "a man of science?"

Spencer shakes his head at the air of faux sophistication I pour into it. "the world needs some wonder."

he says it in an offhand way, although I feel the weight of it from the way he runs a damp paper towel over the last of the cleansing foam. his touch presses into me and his eyes are lowered in a slightly distant way.

"how long have you been into it?" I fight the urge to ask a million questions at once.

"since I was a kid," he jerks back to attention. the grin on his face tells you just how special this is to him. "I used to buy all the books and practice for my mom constantly."

"did you ever do the trick with the never-ending string of handkerchiefs?" I recall one of the only classic moves I know. Reid laughs.

"that one's easy."

"what about the coin behind the ear?" I throw out another one.

Spencer straightens, doesn't even bother to set down the paper towel, before reaching up behind my ear and pulling away with a shiny quarter set between his thumb and forefinger. "you mean this one?"

there it is again, that confidence I saw in the tattoo parlor. he's standing just close enough for me to notice, and I grin as I snatch the metal out of his hand and set it on the counter beside me. "thanks."

"no problem." he laughs.

"you should do that more often."

"the coin trick? I'd go broke." he jokes. I laugh at the rare appearance of Spencer's playful side, hoping to get a bit more of it before we have to go back to being serious at work.

"magic in general, I mean. I think it would brighten up the office a bit."

he thinks about it for a moment, washing his hands again. the sound of the faucet reminds me to put my lotion on my leg. I get to it while he thinks of what to say.

"yeah, maybe you're right."

"I still find it funny that you're into that kind of stuff." I say honestly. of all the things for him to nerd out about, this feels almost comically unexpected. but Reid only gives me a shy smile before replying.

"it always made my mom laugh when I was a kid."

"is she also good at it?"

"tricks? no," he chuckles. there's a washcloth between his long, slender fingers that he's been using to dry them for the past two minutes. at this point, I think he's doing it to keep from fidgeting. "she says it's an old fashioned thing, and that only made me wanna do it more."

"well," I cap the bottle and set it down on the counter, pull my jeans up and lean against the counter with a smile. "I like old fashioned."

Spencer gives a friendly smile. "me too."

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