#but no i tried pacing myself and then read everything so quickly and then spent hours talking to a friend about it and then i got her to

[mustbesaint]

It has been a while since I painted properly but reading Solivaga compelled me so have the sweetest girl in all of anything ever

#good lird im rusty send help #my art #saints art #solivaga #maia pyxis #when i started reading it i was like man . i always read things way too quickly let me be nice to myself and be slow about it #enjoy the process #but no i tried pacing myself and then read everything so quickly and then spent hours talking to a friend about it and then i got her to #read it and THEN we talked about it more and now im sitting here #:3

[wehaveimagineshere]

~If I die before I wake~

Astarion x G/N reader

This is a collab between Ren & Frost and this fic is just straight up sad. Read at your discretion. Based off this TikTok

You and Astarion have been together for years, but now it’s time for you to go. Astarion decided to go with you

CW: DEATH & SUICIDE

You and Astarion had known each other now for what felt like an eternity. Blissful, beautiful years full of love and hardships that you came over together

You had gotten married after a few years. It was beautiful and everything you both had ever wanted

~~

It’s an outside wedding that started just after sunset. The final hues of orange and pink fading into black, the stars starting to shine brightly in the sky

Everyone you both loved and felt like family were there

Your fingers twitch the curtains again, Shadowheart smacking them away with a huff. "Try again and I swear I will rip your very expensive attire."

"Shadowheeaarrrttt," you whine, twining your fingers together nervously. "I'm so curious. I want to see!"

"And I want to keep my head." Crossing her arms, she gives you a look. "Astarion told me to keep you here until it's time to walk, so that's what I'll do."

"You're doing what Astarion tells you?"

Sighing to the heavens, she rolls her eyes. "For today I am, gods help me."

Chuckling, you give your friend a once over. Decked out in a gossamer black dress with a beautiful silver lined bodice with layered skirts and see through sleeves, you'd think she was the one getting married. Flashing a quick smile, you quickly follow it up with another sigh. "I'm going to go crazy if this doesn't start soon."

"You're already crazy, marrying a vampire." Smacking your hand away as you go to mess with your hair, she hisses, "If you make one strand of hair out of place after I spent two hours getting it right we will have problems."

Giving her a pout and raising your hands up in surrender, you start pacing. You get three laps in before Wyll pokes his head into the room, the biggest smile you've ever seen painting his face. "It's time."

"Thank the gods," you say as Shadowheart links her arm with yours.

Swinging the door open, Wyll's eyes soften as he looks at you. "You're breathtaking. You're going to make everyone out there fall to their knees."

"I outdid myself, I know," chimes Shadowheart with a smug smile, patting down your outfit proudly. "We went to every boutique in the city before we settled on this."

Quietly, Wyll says as you pass, "You're going to bring him to tears."

As you walk down, the only thing you can focus on is the beautiful man you’re in love with, tears streaming down his cheeks as he smiles and looks as you

You feel your eyes burn as tears also flow down your face. Your eyes start to blur the closer you get to the alter. Astarion reaches out for you and the moment you take his hand, you feel complete

You’re hardly listening to the words the officiator is saying. All you can focus on is Astarion’s warm hand and his beautiful ruby red eyes staring at you with so much love that it makes you feel a bit bashful

You were so lost in each other that Gale had to clear his throat to get you back into the present. You both say I do and when you kiss, you know you never want to be apart from him

~~

Several years have passed since then. You had moved into a nice cozy home in Baldur’s Gate and even adopted the two stray cats you’ve seen; Myshka and Malta. Though they have a great fondness for you, they both greatly dislike Astarion

They’ll even take most of his side of the bed from time to time, leaving him to sleep on the tiny little sliver they leave for him. He tried to move them once, but you discovered scratches all over his hand the next morning

But your blissful time together was entering its final chapter. You were growing older. While Astarion never changed, you became more lethargic. More and more gray hairs taking over your natural color until one day that’s what your hair was

You had become extremely weak. The old age you had reached took a toll on your body. Skin sagging off your bones, your legs unable to withhold your weight without Astarion’s assistance

It breaks his heart to see you this way. He knows your time is coming. Seeing you become but a shell of yourself over time takes a toll on him. He doesn’t want to lose you. He can’t lose you

Staring at the food with tears in your eyes, you know this is it. It's too hard to lift your hands to grab the fork, too hard to lift it to your mouth, too hard to chew, to swallow. Even breathing had become a conscious effort - in, out, in, out.

Sniffing, you relax into the pillows propped behind your back, letting the tears fall before Astarion returns. For years you've felt yourself failing, and even now when you're at your dregs, you can't help the squeezing in your chest.

You'll be leaving him.

An inevitability, you've both known. But so easy to ignore the marching of time.

No longer.

Blinking the tears out of your eyes as the door opens - you couldn't hear his footsteps - and watching as your husband steps in, eyes darting to the untouched food, you place your hands together and smile. "Welcome back." Your voice is so raspy, even to your own ears.

"You haven't touched your food." Sitting down beside you, he takes the fork. "Do you need help?"

You go to shake your head, but find no energy to do so. "Astarion..." Darting your eyes away, you say quietly, "I can't."

You know his face falls. "What?"

"I can't anymore." Looking at your hands, you elaborate, "I'm... I'm too tired. To chew. Swallowing is hard. And... I'm not hungry."

You feel those tears again, threatening to spill onto the blankets, the hand he wraps around yours, but you hold it back. Even as all the adventures you had together, all the stolen kisses and shared smiles and echoing laughter play behind your eyes. Shadowheart first pointing out Malta, Gale teaching Astarion a cantrip and stating it was the worst decision of his life even on his deathbed, Halsin leading you both on hikes, Jaheira taking everyone out on the town until everyone was so drunk they couldn't stand up.

A life, full of new and routine, love and companionship.

Feeling gentle fingers brush your chin, your eyes are guided to Astarion's, and what you see there threatens to break you.

It’s then that he decides he’s going to join you in the afterlife. There’s absolutely no way he could love another as viciously and passionately as he’s loved you

He had been contemplating it for a while anyway

He brings up how you two first met. Both of you chuckling as you remember him tackling you to the ground and holding a knife to your throat. How he almost killed you the first time he drank your blood. Who would’ve ever thought that you two would fall in love and spend your life together as you have

You smile to yourself as you lean your head on him, suddenly exhausted. Your heart is slowing. Tears spring to Astarion’s eyes as he realizes you aren’t going to make it through the night

He slowly lifts you from his shoulder as he turns to fully face you. You look into his beautiful eyes. Eyes that have always been so beautiful and have shown you so many emotions

He leans in to gently press a kiss on your wrinkled lips. The kiss is full of emotion and love. After a moment you both pull back and he tells you how much he loves you. That he wishes he was able to turn you back then so that you could spend an eternity together

The only regret he’ll ever have about not ascending is the fact you’d never be together forever. He knows he made the right choice. But he can’t help but be full of emotion and regret in these last moments you’ll ever have together

You tell him that it’s okay. That you know you’ll reincarnate and you’ll try your best find him again. He feels a pang of guilt surge through him

You don’t know that he’s going to follow you when you go. He doesn’t have it in him to tell you, but he knows that he must. There’s no secrets between you, and he’s not going to start now

When he tells you, tears spring to your eyes. You slowly, painfully, turn your whole body towards him and tell him that he can’t do that. He doesn’t deserve that. He deserves to find love after you’re gone

He smiles sadly and tells you that there’s nothing else for him here, you were the only reason he had a reason to live. The only reason why he wanted to live

You can see in his eyes that he is determined to do this. That he won’t budge no matter how much you cry and plea for him to stay alive. You look away and shake your head as the tears begin to fall

You don’t want him to follow you. You want him to live and be free. To find new love and go on new adventures

He reaches over and wipes the tears off your cheeks. You turn to him and give him the most heartbreaking smile. Tears start to well up in his eyes and you both look at each other with so much love that’s now bittersweet

You wish you could live forever with him. What was a rocky start has turned into the most beautiful love story anyone could ask for. So you tell him okay. And that you’ll be waiting for him on the other side

As you both lay down in your bed he leans over and kisses you again. Softly, passionately. He knows this is the last kiss he’ll ever receive from you. He kisses you over and over, not wanting to part from you as he hears your heart struggling to keep beating

After a moment he pulls back and kisses you on your forehead. He takes you into his arms and whispers sweet nothings into your ear and you start to drift to sleep

Astarion can’t will himself to rest. His mind is racing a mile a minute, thinking about all the memories you’ve had together while feeling your body start to turn cold. Your blood flow slowing. Your heart had finally given out

It's so quiet.

So, so quiet.

A quiet he hasn't experienced in so long. A silence that pressed on him when punished under Cazador, trapped in a coffin, screaming, begging to be let out and answered with such a profound silence that stripped him to nothing.

This silence, though. This is worse.

So, so much worse.

The scream, the guttural, anguished scream that rips from his throat makes the very house shake. His fingers curl into claws as he grips you - gentle, always so gentle - and it's all he can do to keep himself from coming apart completely.

It's unbearable, the silence.

It's not until this moment where he realizes how much comfort your heartbeat had given him. Had become. How he could pinpoint your heartbeat within a crowd, no matter how big. How he'd wake up and hear that thrum and find a peace he never thought he'd ever have.

A peace he's lost, now. A peace now forever out of reach.

A shaky inhale is all he has as he turns to look. Your face, once always full of life and emotion, now only has a small smile. If it wasn't so quiet, so quiet, he would think you were just sleeping, and in an hour he would see the stars in your eyes as you looked at him.

Light taps at the windows, starting to lighten the night, and he knows he doesn't have much time left. A detached sort of numbness overcomes his heart as he stands up, walks to the closet, and takes out your favorite sweater. It doesn't matter anymore, he knows he knows, but you can't ever be cold, ever be uncomfortable.

The weight threatens to cripple him as he slips your arms in. As he slides the material over your head, careful to not mess up your hair. As he lifts you gently to pull down the edges.

It's when he brushes hair from your forehead that he realizes his hands are wet. His arms, too.

Distantly, he touches his face.

Wet.

Gently, he lifts your body into his arms and walks outside. The cold, crisp morning breeze biting his cheeks as he sets you down on a bench you have on your patio. Your head falling listlessly against his shoulder as he wraps his arm around you

He takes your now cold hand into his, rubbing your knuckles as he looks out to the scenery. The sun starting to rise above the mountains. It was the most beautiful place to live. And an even more beautiful place to enter the afterlife

It was this view, he remembers, that had you picking this house.

"I know you can't really see it," you'd laughed, throwing your arms up and gesturing toward the horizon painted in black, "but the dawn here is something to die for."

As the sky starts to turn a brighter color he sits there in silence. He’s never been more sure of anything in his life, except for being with you

The first touch of sunlight makes him flinch, a small, brief, hollow echo of self preservation pinging down an empty tunnel as he sits there. Feels the heat of the sun once more on his skin.

Feels it burn.

His eyes turn to that horizon you'd boasted about, and he must agree that you were right.

Reaching up, splaying a hand, he watches as the sunlight edges his fingers in gold. Even as they burn, turning black, ash catching in the wind.

His gaze turns to you, always turns to you. It's been so long since he's seen the sun in your hair, lightening your features. Pressing his lips to your temple, wondering briefly how much of his body remains, he drinks in your smile, the quiet of this moment, the color of the world.

The world you helped him see. The world you helped him explore.

One last time, he breathes you in deep, the scent of your shampoo tickling his nose. Your laughter echoing in his memory as the wind steals the rest of him, dusting him across the yard.

A golden wedding band falls to the ground at your still feet, wobbling along its round edges before coming to a stop.

#baldurs gate 3 #bg3 #bg3 astarion #astarion x reader #astarion/reader #gender neutral reader #gn reader #tw death #tw suicide

[vad-hander]

NOW, ARE YOU HAPPY?

pairing: idol!Jaehyun x reader

others: idol!Taeyong

genre: one-shot, romance, light smut, fluff, angst, strangers to lovers

warnings: swearing, break up, mentions of pregnancy and abortion, open ending

words: 22,3 k

You missed Jaehyun’s presence in your life but you couldn’t blame it on him. You were the one who told him that you didn’t love him anymore, you were the one that ended it even though he died to work everything out with you.

You put on your big girl pants when he came over to pick his stuff a couple of months ago and acted like you didn’t hurt one bit. You chose the path and you tried your best to walk it with your head held up high, not without sudden break downs, though, you hated to admit.

[19:34] from Jung Jaehyun: regardless of what terms we’re on right now, you should still come to the concert. 

[19:34] from Jung Jaehyun: hi, by the way

You chewed onto your lower lip, staring at the messages that came through right when you were waiting for the green light to turn on. Your thoughts drifted to Jaehyun and you felt sick in your stomach, holding on to it when the cars behind you signalled and you pushed gas pedal quickly, placing your hands back on the steering wheel, focusing your attention on the road. 

[20:40] from TY: Even my older sister is coming, no chance you’re getting yourself out of it. 

[20:40] from TY: I’mgoing to get a car for you tomorrow. 

[20:41] to TY: I’m not feeling well so I’m not sure if I should come ㅠㅠ

[20:44] from TY: remember you’re the one who told Jaehyun to leave? You can’t run away from him forever, he’ll have to know. 

[20:44] to TY: it’s not about this you idiot.

[20:44] to TY: and no, he doesn’t need to know. 

[20:47] to Jung Jaehyun: hi! thanks, I was planning to come anyway, it’s not like I’m going to miss out on my best friends show ^^

You almost hit send but pressed delete instead, propping the phone next to you, closing your eyes in tiredness. Nausea you felt made all of your energy go away and you found it only logical to go to bed at such an early hour, but the message you almost sent to Jaehyun replayed in your head not letting your heart beat in normal pace. The message probably would look weird to his eyes, the wording seemed too distracted and you debated for over two hours if you should text him something at all. Leaving him on read is probably as rude as sending that message, you though. 

You asked him to not be dramatic over the break up, be grown up about your decision and act like normal people would act if the both of you had to cross paths. And you knew for sure, having to be childhood best friends with his close friend, you’ll get to see each other more than you’d like to. 

[22:42] to Jung Jaehyun: I’m not going to miss out on something you worked so hard on, so see you tomorrow ^^ 

You couldn’t look at your screen any longer, seeing letters flow over the screen in circles. Your eyes were giving up on you and you finally sent the message and tucked yourself into the duvet. 

-

“Hey, I’m next to the dome, how do I get in?” you fished your chapstick out of your purse, undoing the lid with one hand and putting minty essence on your lips. 

“Oh, already? Wait a second.” you could hear him prop his phone on the table, hearing distant voices of people that surrounded Taeyong. You guessed boys were probably getting their make up and hair done with the distinct chatter of women over the phone. “I’m getting my make up done, Jaehyun will pick you up at the employee entrance at the back of the dome.”

“Not him.” you protested immediately. “Come yourself.” 

“Dude, I have one eye done, he’s coming already.” 

“Stop him, tell him not to. Ask Doyoung, or Haechan, whoever?” you felt your hand shake while you tried to shove your chapstick back down to it’s designated place, dropping it onto the ground by accident. “I didn’t prepare myself mentally.”

“Love, you‘ve spent four years with him, how come you’re terrified of the idea…” he paused and for a second you felt like the two of you got disconnected. “Wait a sec.”

“Hi, Y/n.” you heard his voice over the phone all of a sudden, squatted with your chapstick in your hand, forgetting to get up. “Tell me what you’re wearing.” his voice was as calm as he could ever make it. You exhaled and collected yourself. Jaehyun was just being normal, you should be too, no matter what, you told yourself. 

“Uhm, you know, the pink dress I have.” you kind of sounded unsure, lowering your eyes to look at your own clothes. “Why?”

“Oh, that. Okay, I just need to tell the security guard what you look like so he’ll let you in.”

“I’ll get to the other side of the dome then.”

“See you in a bit.” he said warmly into the phone and hung up. 

You hurried around the dome, feeling astonished by the number of people that stood at the back of it. It was still early before the concert and the most of early birds probably tried to fish out the boys from the back. You rushed to the door when you saw the guard walk out of it, scanning the area around. Shortening the distance to the entrance you felt more eyes focusing on you, sensing that familiar feeling of fear all over your body. That familiar feeling of being scared to get exposed. Your best advice you always gave yourself was to just lower your head and not look into anyones eyes and you chose to follow it by heart right this very moment. Regretting wearing something more than just casual clothes, you felt your appearance catch more concerned glimpses than it should’ve. 

“Hi, I guess you’re waiting for me.” you came up to the guard who was too tall for you to not raise your head up above. You tried to talk quietly because the area got seemingly quieter since the two of you began your interaction. 

“Your birthday?” he asked emotionless. 

“Hm…” you gulped and took a glance around quickly. “Can you bend a little?” you wondered if he found your request amusing but he did as you wished, allowing for you to call the date quietly. 

“Okay, come with me.” he bobbed his head and walked in direction of the entrance. Just as you got in, a slight turn to the right allowed your eyes to meet with Jaehyun that stood there quietly. 

“Hi.” you mumbled slapping yourself internally for sounding so lame. 

“Hello.” Jaehyun smiled sincerely, taking a step towards you to give you a quick hug, confusing you endlessly. “I thought Taeyong is going to send to you our driver.” 

“He wanted to, but forgot, and you know, normal taxis don’t just get to drive inside of domes.” you forced a smile and expected for him to walk towards the dressing room but he stood there looking at you. 

“You should’ve told me, i would’ve reminded him.” 

“It’s fine.” you smiled, coming up with something else you could tell him “so many people outside already.” your eyes ran over the corridor to not stare at him. “I guess they’re  excited to finally see you again.” 

“Yeah…” his hands touched his thighs while his back leaned against the wall. “Are you… okay?” 

“Yeah, yeah. It’s no big deal, I have legs.” you chuckled trying to act like you didn’t understand his question. 

“No, I meant in general. Are you okay?” he caught your gaze with his and forced you to stay still. 

“Yeah, what can be not okay?” you blinked and took a little step back trying to see his face better. Did Taeyong tell him something? You were ready to choke that skinny demon with your bare hands if he did. “Are you… okay?” you asked him back trying to make it seem as if it was a simple gesture of politeness, actually dying to see in his eyes the answer. 

“Could’ve been better, but work got me busy so maybe just a little better than bad?” he chuckled through pain and you could feel how he tried to break down the wall you built and come closer. “I..” he stuttered making you nervous and you hated hearing him being this way. You were scared shitless at what he could possibly want to say that made him so anxious. 

“Can you take me to Taeyong…?” you asked to cut him off. Standing one on one with him was making your head go dizzy even if there is dead silence between you two. 

“Oh, yeah, yeah. Of course, let’s go.” he moved quickly, making it hard for you to match the pace of his long legs. 

“You made it!” Taeyong’s voice caught your attention and helped you find him in the room full of men right as you entered it behind Jaehyun. Your eyes met with the hairdresser and you waved at Taeyong shyly deciding on not giving him a hug, hairdresser’s eyes kind of telling you to stay away and not ruin her work. 

“I’ll wait for you here.” you pointed with your finger and sat at the stool in the corner of the room. Taeyong simply nodded focusing his eyes back on his phone, playing a game, you assumed. 

Jaehyun moved his eyes from you the second you caught him staring, forcing his attention onto laughing Mark. Your eyes set on him while he was distracted, checking out the outfit he wore: his casual sweatpants and a hoodie your mom gave him for his birthday. You bit onto your lip unconsciously, forcing your inner self to move your eyes away before tears began to pour. You couldn’t help but wonder if he wore it regularly or he chose to wear it today to pull onto your strings. 

Blinking multiple times to enlighten your vision you finally noticed you sat right next to a rail full of their stage clothes. Your eyes ran from white costumes hanging closest to you to the ones with lots of rhinestones all over them. 

“Yuta, you’re next.” a girl with long hair and thick bangs said loudly, appearing next to you. Your eyes silently followed Yuta up until the moment he suddenly pulled his shirt off his body right in front of your face and you made a loud awkward gulp. Unexpected situations like that made you more startled than you wanted them to and the fact you had a mask on actually made you relieved, hiding the rosiness of your cheeks behind it. You wanted to move your gaze away but suddenly got caught up in the tattoos he had on his lower abdomen. When did he get them? Or did he always have them? You couldn’t work it out and couldn’t force yourself to look away either until the moment that white shirt that hung next to you covered his body. 

“Oh, Y/n?” you gave him a slight nod “hi!” 

“Hi.” you bowed shyly, finally moving your eyes away to the group of people sitting on the couch. Mark still laughed at whatever Haechan was saying, while Doyoung and Johnny discussed something that seemed to bother them terribly from the screen of one of the guys’ phone screen. Jaehyun’s eyes met yours and you couldn’t help but guess if he watched you stare at Yuta, he probably did. You looked over to the other corner of the room where Taeil and Taeyong were having their make up done in hopes of sending a SOS signal to your best friend but his gaze was focused on the phone completely making you distressed, watching his fingers move in distance from the reflection in the mirror. 

“Can you hold this?” Jaehyun’s voice forced your head to turn back around. “Actually, it’s cold out there you’ll probably need the hoody at the concert.” you stared blindly at him holding out a hoody with a sly smile on his face. “Or am I crossing something?” his face expression changed quickly into a concerned one when you didn’t react. 

“Oh, thank you.” you reacted too vividly belatedly, forcing half of the room look at you both. You could sense them knowing already the two of you broke up since the stares were literally burning a whole in you. “I’ll take it, thank you.” you stretched your lips in a thin line, taking it with both hands. You almost bowed at him reflexively but stopped yourself mid action trying to seem as if you’re just standing up to put it on, visibly reducing the distance between you two. 

“Jaehyun, put this on quickly.” you heard the same girl call out for him, constraining his attention to go on her. He moved quickly, still standing closer to you than you’d want him to, pulling the hem of his shirt up in the swiftest motion. Your entire system malfunctioned and him leaning behind you to lay the shirt on the rack didn’t help one bit. He probably implied on you moving to the side but how could you when your heart went in overdrive and your brain decided to go through all the times he took off his clothes in front of you, the freshets memory being not older than three months. Deep breathing was promised to help in stressful situations but the very moment you needed it to work you were getting no result. 

“Hey?” he asked concerned and leaned in more to you the moment he heard you take deep breaths in. “What’s up?” you couldn’t reply feeling yourself on the verge of tears. Your hormones suddenly felt like it’s time to regret every decision you made in the past months. Instantly every thought in your head went to taking your words back right there in the dressing room, asking him to forget you made him leave. You felt like breaking down in front of everyone, and while all these thoughts ran through your brain, your lungs began hyperventilating probably making it look like you were dying behind that stupid mask. Jaehyun moved his hands from the buttons of his shirt behind your ear, taking off the mask and helping you breathe. “What’s wrong?” he panicked visibly, forcing for you to sit back down. “Wait.” he flashed before your eyes to the table with food, grabbing a water bottle and shoving it into your arms the next second. “Drink it, did you ever feel anything like that before?” he kneeled before you, watching your throat bob every time you gulped on water. 

“No, I didn’t, I’m fine.” you forced a smile and pushed the bottle towards him. 

“Don’t act like we’re strangers. Literally three months ago you told me there’s no one else closer for you than me and now you’re almost chocking on air and the next minute I ask you what’s up - you’re fine.” his eyes searched for an answer you didn’t have for him. 

“You did that on purpose.” you furrowed your eyebrows. 

“Did what?” his eyes made you believe he didn’t know what you meant. You got a strong will to slap him for being too innocent, but more than that you just wanted to caress his rosey cheek. “You mean changing into stage clothes?”

“Oh, shut up.” 

“What?” he leaned in closer. 

“So you’re changing clothes right in front of me to get whatever reaction you want to get? Or what? If you’re thinking I’ll see your abs and fall in love with you once again, you’re stupid. This only happened because of my health condition.” you tried to talk slower to not seem mad. 

“What happened? Are you two fighting again?” Taeyong appeared next to the both of you and squatted next to Jaehyun right before he opened his mouth. 

“No. She’s just sick because of her health condition.” Jaehyun tried to make fun of you, it seemed. “Did you tell him? That you’re…” Taeyong looked at the two of you confused, drawing circles directed at his stomach with his pointing finger in the air and you almost raised your hand to punch him. 

“That she’s what?” Jaehyun turned around confused. 

“Oh, wait, you didn’t?” Taeyong jumped up and looked away. “Shit, I’m sorry. She got food poisoning, thats why she’s kinda Ill.” you closed your eyes and sighed. Did he really think Jaehyun’s going to buy what he said? If you had a food poisoning Taeyong would’ve made fun of you since the second you showed up, involving every single person he’d be able to. 

“Is that it?” Jaehyun’s fingers laid atop of your knee and you looked at him. 

“Your hand…” 

“I’m sorry.” he shook his head disapprovingly of his own action. 

“Take this too actually, I’m going to be fine.” you pushed the hoodie back into his arms. “I’ll drink something warm if it’ll be cold.” you smiled politely and stood up, getting into Taeyong’s embrace the next second. He murmured sweetly into your ear calming you down and your heart finally felt fine. He kept you occupied right up to the minute they had to go on stage. You stood quietly in the corner of the corridor, watching all 9 of them say their chants and get in the mood for the show. You waved them good luck as they left to their spots, catching Jaehyun’s body move towards you until he realised he shouldn’t. You wanted him to walk towards you too, you could not stand there and not reminisce on those rare times you kissed him quickly before he went to the stage, dying for the end of their performance to be able to hug him when your touch won’t mess up his stage appearance. 

Jaehyun stretched his arm towards you anyway when he walked past you and you shook it quickly with both of yours in support. The contact, the way his fingers hooked around yours and the way he held onto them for the longest time possible just made you realise how hungry you felt for him. How much affection from him meant to you and how badly you were in need of it. 

*

“The show’s insane.” you smiled widely at Taeyong when he appeared right next to you. 

“Wait, I’ll change, don’t go anywhere, okay?” his reply was quick and you guessed he was still busy. 

Time wasn’t flying while you waited, more likely it crawled like a dying snail, minutes barely changing in what felt like forever. You finally heard men walk in distance and your guess was right - someone was leaving the dome. Couple of minutes later, when it felt like everyone probably left by now, you heard quick steps and someone trying to match the walk. 

“Jaehyun, seriously, calm down.” you heard Taeyong’s voice the moment you were able to see them two run down the corridor towards you. “You’re not going to do any good for the both of you like that.”

“Why did you not tell me?” Jaehyun shouted when he was not more than two meters away from you. “Why the hell did you hide it from me?” he stood in front of you quicker than you wished, lowering his body above the chair you sat on, keeping his palms on the armrests for support. 

“What?” you furrowed your eyebrows at him. 

“Why did you hide from me that you’re pregnant?” he shouted out of breath and you felt pain. You knew the day he’d find out somehow would come but this wasn’t meant to be the so called day. 

“I-I…” his stare was expectant and furious. “Don’t look at me like that and don’t shout!” 

“Why did you not tell me we’re having a baby?” he ignored your words but his presence most definitely got lighter. He lowered the tone of his voice a little, still being as furious as ever. 

“There’s no we, Jaehyun. And there’s no baby either.” 

“Huh?” Taeyong chimed in from behind. “What you mean?”

“Did you lie to me?” Jaehyun turned to face his friend. 

“She…Wait, Y/n, did YOU lie to me?” Taeyong took a step closer to you confused. 

“I didn’t, I was… pregnant…” the two men stared at you bewildered. 

“Huh? You had a miscarriage or something?” Taeyong took another step to you visibly nervous. “Why you didn’t tell me?” 

“No, not that. I went through a termination.”

“You mean like abo…”

“Yes, this.” you didn’t let Jaehyun finish his sentence. 

“But why? When?” you knew Taeyong was confused like hell, three days ago the two of you were having a conversation about the month the baby was going to be born in and now you drop the news at him. 

“Today. That’s why I felt sick earlier. It’s really no big deal, you two shouldn’t be worried like that.”

“No big deal? No big deal? Are you kidding me?” Jaehyun pushed himself from you, walking in quick circles over the corridor. “What is wrong with you?” he stormed towards you with nothing but insanity in his eyes. 

“Hey, dude, calm down.” Taeyong caught him half way. “She’s probably feeling much worse than you do.” 

“She hid from me the fact that she’s pregnant, broke up with me and now when I get to know she’s pregnant, she says she got rid of my child? Without even telling me? Even a single message saying ‘hey, I was pregnant with your baby, but I’m getting rid of it tonight’ would’ve been better than finding out this way. And you think she feels worse? Seriously?” he breathed heavily and you couldn’t raise your eyes up from your knees in shame, watching warm droplets leave wet stains on your clothes. It hurt you terribly to hurt Jaehyun but there was no way back now. “Taeyong, let go of me, I’m fine, seriously, I swear.” Taeyong looked up Jaehyun, setting him free in a second. “I… do you not want to tell me anything? Look me in the eyes maybe? Not a single thing? Hm?” his body towered above you and you actually did raise your head to look at him but the contact didn’t last for more than five seconds because of Jaehyun. “You know, actually I don’t want to look at you. I can’t believe you did all of this. I thought you loved me the way I loved you. I… I can’t believe and I don’t want to believe. You’re making me sick.” he turned away on his heels quickly, running away. 

*

“I know Doyoung’s your best friend, but he isn’t mine. I’m not going to come, I’m sorry.” 

“Pretty please?” Taeyong whined over the phone. 

“You know everything is crooked, I’m not going to come to your place when Jaehyun’s totally going to be there.” you sighed, moving your eyes to another book on the shelf. 

“He actually wanted to talk to you, maybe you should come. You know, he’s been all upset these two months and told me he doesn’t feel good bout your last conversation, you should totally come.” you could hear the sound of his favourite PC game in the background. “Oh, sh…” he exclaimed randomly and went quiet. 

“Are you setting me up with him?”

“I’m not, you’re not a stranger to neither of us and Doyoung would like to see you, plus you do really need to get clean with Jaehyun. I’m not pushing but I know it’s something that could make you feel better…”

“I don…”

“No matter what the outcome is, y’all need to talk.” Taeyong cut you off. 

“Okay.” 

“You’re coming?”

“No, I’m just agreeing it’ll make me feel much better.” 

“Come then, I can come pick you up.” 

“Nah, just play your games.”

“I have to go buy cake anyway, you’ll gladly help me, I know it.” you could feel him smile through the phone. “This month is always insane.”

“Yeah.” you sighed into the phone. 

“Did you think about Jaehyun’s birthday?”

“What you mean?”

“Don’t know, maybe you were planning on a gift or something…”

“I wasn’t.” you said roughly. 

“Okay, okay. I was just thinking what I should get him.” the clicking of his mouse was all that you could hear for a while. “Where are you? I’ll pick you up and we’ll go to Paris Baguette or something.” 

*

“Did you tell Jaehyun I’ll come?”

“I did.” Taeyong nodded, resting his arm over your shoulders. 

“At least we know why he left, right?” you chuckled not knowing if you were glad or upset about it. 

“Maybe he has schedules or something? I can text him.” Taeyong moved his free hand to grab  his phone. 

“No don’t, I don’t care.” you looked him deep in the eyes and Taeyong bobbed his head in agreement. 

“Okay, you don’t.” his eyes ran over the room and you did the same. 

“I thought you meant there’s going to be a party or something.” you looked over the take out on the table. 

“It is low-key a party, isn’t it?” he chuckled making you question him. Doyoung himself wasn’t even home yet. Mark and Haechan sat on the other side of the room playing something on their phones. Yuta ran over the room once and the rest of the people that lived here were nowhere to be seen. 

“Where’s Doyoung?” 

“I didn’t ask him, it’ll be too sus to ask.” 

“And what if they’re having a party somewhere else?” 

“Doyoung will come, I know he knows I’ll buy him cake.”

“And the rest? Do they know?” 

“We’ll they might show up, I don’t know. I just asked you to come because I didn’t want you to be alone, not because there was a big ass party planned.” 

“Okay…” you sighed at him, picking up your chopsticks to munch on food. 

“Hey, Jaehyun texted me he’s with Doyoung.” Mark announced loudly and at the mention of your lovers name you felt like you had digestive problems. “They’re actually in front of the house.” 

“Jaehyun’s going to ruin it if he’ll come with him to our floor, text him.” Haechan exclaimed quickly. 

“He said he’s coming with him to pick up a hoodie from Taeyong.”

“Me? What hoodie.” 

“A fake one, obviously, Taeyong, use your brain.” you shook your head and put the chopsticks away, hearing Haechan’s distant giggles. 

“Okay, let’s hide.” he quickly dragged you behind the counter and ran over to the corner, lighting up the candles. The house was pitch black and a moment later you could hear the code being punched in. Doyoung’s giggle filled the room before he probably noticed it being dark. 

“Oh, no one’s here?”

“Maybe in their rooms.” Jaehyuns voice made you shiver. 

“Yeah.” Doyoung agreed before turning the lights on, forcing the 5 of you to jump out of your hide outs. You sang the happy birthday song together, quietly watching the boys hug for way too long, finally giving Doyoung a quick awkward hug and stepping back. They sat down and the unending blabbering party began. 

You blinked often and smiled with all of your strength as if you were engaged in the heated conversation they had to not focus your vision on Jaehyun that weirdly enough sat right across you, munching on the piece of cake for the past 30 minutes. He didn’t speak much but you could vividly hear him every time he laughed loudly at the jokes that were told. Your eyes fixated on his hand that held the fork, not believing the fact he was still torturing the chocolate goodness on the plate. You wondered how long would it take him to finally finish it off, when his head suddenly raised and caught you stare. He smiled at you fondly and you didn’t find anything better than to roll your eyes at him in reply. You felt stupidity of your action but you leaned back onto the couch, turning your head towards Taeyong more. 

“Guys, I’ll go.” Jaehyun sighed in what felt like not later than five minutes, placing the fork next to the still unfinished cake and stood up. “Doyoung, happy birthday once again.” 

“Why so early, Jaehyunah?” Johnny asked in his whiny tone.

“Suddenly felt like going to bed early tonight.” he smoothed out the jeans on his legs, grabbing the phone from the table to go. 

“Yeah, sure.” you chuckled annoyed, but more importantly disappointed. First and foremost disappointed in yourself for acting the way you did. The grown ups agenda seemed to not work out on your side the most and you couldn’t believe you were doing things the way you shouldn’t. 

“Are you two somehow learned to fight through telepathy?” 

“We never fought, what are you talking about?” 

“I’m not going to fight with you over this either.” Taeyong shook his head and turned away. 

*

“Hey, you’re bored?” Taeyong touched your shoulder when your hands reached for another piece of cake. “Can you do me a favour?”

“Sure.” you nodded and turned to face your friend properly. 

“Take the left overs to the other floor.” 

“Why me? Yuta’s going to go back there anyway.” 

“By the time he’ll go there will be nothing to take.” Taeyong’s eyes pointed at your plate. 

“You’re doing this on purpose?” 

“I’m not!” he whined suddenly “Just go and come back quickly. I still have to take you home.” 

“Fine.” you sighed and stood up. 

“Yo, I’m sorry. Could you get my hoodie? It should be on the couch.” Mark raised a hand at you as if he was talking to a waiter “If it’s not, then it’s totally fine. Someone probably took it to my room, don’t worry.”  

“Ugh, yeah, okay.” you said awkwardly and felt Taeyong shove the cake box into your hands. 

“Go.” he pointed at the door. 

“It’s green, by the way.” Mark shouted suddenly when you were at the door and you smiled at him awkwardly once again. 

Knocking on the door just in case, before entering the living room, you found it empty, sighing relieved. Maybe Jaehyun did plan on calling it a night early. This, only seemed like a good thing to you. 

Your feet quickly took you to the fridge that was right around the corner from the entrance of the apartment, placing the cake on one of the shelfs. Your plan was quick and simple: put the cake in the fridge and run away as if you never were there. You were half way to succeeding when the killing desire to eat the piece Taeyong took you away from won over and you brought the cake back out from the fridge, placing it on the table. Your fingers quickly got rid of the box, taking the piece and finally savouring the flavour when you heard a familiar melody. Your jaw moved slower and slower, until you stopped chewing completely, perching your ears up to hear the melody better. 

Instantly realising what the melody was, you stood up, not even bothering to clean up after yourself. Your feet took you to the source of that sound, knowing the path way too well. You stopped at the door, hoping to not disturb Jaehyun. The door was locked not letting you peek at the boy that was playing his keyboard behind the door. 

“Why are you playing this.” you whispered through greeted teeth, leaning against the wall next to the door. You breathed heavily, unconsciously placing your palm over your stomach. Closing your eyes, you tried to calm yourself down, get back to cake and leave to the party. Your brain glitched and you could put your life on it you could hear him sing even though you were damn sure he wasn’t in reality. The lyrics flowed through your head making last cells of sanity leave your brain. You fought with the urgent will to break in and smash the keyboard against the floor for him to stop playing the song. For him to stop messing with your mind like that. Messing with every decision you thought was right. 

*

You met Jaehyun years ago through Taeyong, obviously. He wanted you to meet the guy that he was head over heals for to be friends with, the kindest and funniest guy he ever met as he used to tell you all the time. You were thrilled but worried, for the most part. 

You wouldn’t name yourself a possessive person, or more accurately - you weren’t mature enough to recognise it within your system. You felt a sting in your heart ever since Taeyong got into that entertainment company. You knew being afraid he’d give you up unintentionally for someone else wasn’t healthy to start with, but you dismissed it as lack of human interactions on your side. You weren’t thinking low of Taeyong, you knew he wouldn’t dump you because you weren’t enough of a supportive and understanding friend or weren’t that good enough in general, but because being best friends with someone else that was able to be around you at most times was easier. You knew that and you knew it was only human nature, but previous encounters with your long forgotten friends made cold sweats run down your back and the talk of meeting the Jaehyun guy brought the stinging feeling back to your chest alongside fear. 

You wanted to let him know you knew Taeyong better, you wanted him to know you were better friend to him, than that guy could ever be. You tried your best to even erase his name from your brain, act like you never remembered what Taeyong said, maybe play pretend you didn’t expect a third wheel at your coffee break. Anything, to show that person that this territory is taken by a scary bitch he shouldn’t cross paths with. You planned on your way to meeting them how you’re going to be unaffected and pretentious. The traffic on your way gave even more spare time to spit your inner venom secretly on Taeyong’s new friend, making a very toxic brain cell of yours fixating on the fact he was younger, giving you a feeling you could tap on it. 

Everything you planned out began falling apart the moment you entered the cafe. The guy next to Taeyong looked fine and just that made you go in doubt with your own self. Taeyong waved at you enthusiastically right after his eyes fixated on you, motioning with his other hand in your direction for Jaehyun to see. The brown haired guy waved at you slightly too, smiling, making the dimples on his cheeks more visible as you stepped closer. You gasped and moved your eyes from him. He was nice and probably as sweet as Taeyong had described him. Maybe, even more sweet than Taeyong could ever describe him, your eyes ran over his figure, that was hiding behind the table once again. 

You watched Jaehyun’s long fingers wrap over the glass of iced coffee, catching the straw with his tongue and looked away disappointed once again. There wasn’t a single visible reason to hate him for, and the more time you spent at that cafe, the more it helped you to get even more convinced than before that he was flawless. 

Jaehyun slowly became a part of your life, much like Taeyong has been for the past eternity. He felt like a child that you and Taeyong had to raise, like a step-son you took partial interest in raising. You weren’t much older but the relationship built the maternal way subconsciously on your side and Jaehyun  never fought it. The two of you didn’t turn into the bestest of friends, Jaehyun didn’t become your third best friend expanding your circle. You just accepted his existence and played along whenever you had to interact, and that was that. You kind of went with the ‘keep your enemies close’ tactic and it seemed to work, keeping the biggest threat of your friendship with Taeyong under a microscope. 

And if it seemed to some around that your obsession with Taeyong was hidden under a crush, the two of you knew it was completely not that way. The first year you got in college you got in a relationship with a guy the name of which you liked to not say out loud anymore. It still felt like you did him dirty, like you betrayed him and quietly left, watched the love you had fall apart in pieces and then silently agree to break up. 

Keeping an eye on Jaehyun took so much time you found yourself falling out of love and out of relationship. Your boyfriend felt the switch turn and with that you just parted. Not painfully, you longed for him and felt his absence, but it didn’t last long. Later on you realised that he was one of the things you were used to and when he left you finally understood you were insanely scared to let go of things you were used to. Whether it was a plushy from your childhood, a plate you were given on your 10th birthday all cracked on its sides by now or a boyfriend you found yourself not even loving anymore, just being with him cause you were used to it. 

You were scared of Taeyong having other friends because you were used to being his only real friend. Jaehyun scared you because he was a threat that could push you from your warmed metaphorical seat. A constant in Taeyong’s life, you were scared to lose the title but the title didn’t matter at the end of the day. You were yet to understand that, but the road was paved the day you broke up with that guy. 

Taeyong’s life was changing drastically and the more time you spent apart, you went through constant fear, but every time he came back as attached to you as ever, you realised the fear was unreasonable. He loved you dearly, Taeyong wasn’t about to give you up just because you didn’t see each other for a week, he wouldn’t give your friendship up even if you didn’t see each other for months. He proved it insane amount of times and this too, helped your heart feel at ease. 

Accepting Jaehyun as no threat seemed to change your acceptance of his existence too. Jaehyun’s presence finally didn’t bother you in the way it used to and that alone helped you to understand him better, feel around him freer and maybe, for real this time, treat him like a friend. 

It wasn’t until you got your first job after graduating university, when the relationship between you and Jaehyun took a turn. 

While all your friends kept on sharing their stories of understanding and helpful bosses at their jobs, lovely first months of adaptation and support at work, you had absolutely nothing to add up to that. 

Your boss if not hated the guts of you, was really good at pretending he did so. A month later you snapped, you told him very blatantly that the way he interacted with you wasn’t pleasant in any way you’d look at it, and his constant nagging and pressuring you, even when the papers were utterly flawless, oppresses your mental health drastically. At the end of the day you were a newbie and that’s what’s been told on your resume, that’s what you spoke about at the interview. You were told you’ll be learned everything you might not know of the business, anything you could be struggling with. And, for a fair point, you weren’t even struggling with anything, except for relationship with your boss. 

He listened to you carefully, with no visible emotion on his still young face. For a split second you even thought he’ll consider your words for real, but the thought died quickly, when you saw his welcoming hand to follow him into his office. You stood there like a fool, afraid of speaking up. He took off his jacket and placed it on the backrest of his seat, sitting down and finally raising his eyes up to a standing you. 

“If I knew you’d do your job right, I wouldn’t have to stay until late to check up on everything you did during the day. You’re no special, if you’re thinking I’m giving you some sort of special treatment, your completely wrong. If you want to grow, earn experience, you should stop crying to your boyfriend every time I point out at the mistakes and flaws of your papers and presentations.”

“Mr. Kang, I don’t have a boyf…”

“I don’t care, I heard just enough of your crying over the phone for the past weeks. If you can’t take the job, you should’ve never come here. If you can’t do what you’re asked to do, then I’ll find you another job, good? If you’re weak brain isn’t used to things like that, it’s fine. There’s a job for everyone, you could switch to a coffee lady here.” 

“Mr. Kang, I did nothing wrong.”

“But you seem to struggle, aren’t you?”

“I’m not. I’m doing with my job just fine.” 

“Yeah, just fine and you’re supposed to be doing amazing. Maybe you should focus more on you job?” 

“I am, focused.” your breath hitched and he probably noticed by now that you were catching tears with your fingers. 

“That’s why women like you are so useless.” he sighed disappointed and looked away. You felt like someone threw a bucket of trash over your head, but still feared to move a foot to exit. “You’re free for today. Come back tomorrow either with a resignation paper or will to work. You get me?” you tried to catch your silent cries to finally be able to look at him and talk, but you couldn’t just yet “Jesus, just leave already, I’m not here to watch your ugly crying.” 

You turned around on your heels, running. You ran from his office to your table, taking your bag and leaving the office quicker than you thought was possible. Out of all mean things he said about you, the one resonated the most while you were escaping the building was the one about your ugly crying. You tried to hide your face with your palm even though you knew it wasn’t probably doing anything, all the surprised office workers stared while you ran. Taeyong wasn’t picking his phone up no matter how many times you called, making you pissed off. He probably was consumed in his PC once again, not even finding a second to look at the screen of his phone. You hissed through greeted teeth unpleasant words towards Taeyong after another missed call on his side, catching a taxi with your free hand. With a loud click of your tongue you made up your mind to go to the dorms. He couldn’t be anywhere else. 

When you were set free for the day, it already was half past four, and by the time you got to the dorms the sun was already setting. First aftershocks and a strong feeling of humiliation had passed and by the time you knocked on the door of the apartment, you were so tired you just wanted to fall asleep on Taeyong’s bed to the sound of clicks of his computer mouse. 

“Oh, hi?” a guy you never saw before opened the door. His eyes ran over your body and landed back on your face. “How did you get here?” 

“Excuse me?” you asked confused “I’m Taeyong’s friend, Y/n.”

“Y/n?” the guy seemed to remember your name from somewhere. 

“Yes. Taeyong doesn’t answer my calls, I came here because I need to see him. Can I come in?” 

“Ugh, he’s not home. Are you… are you for real Y/n? Just making sure, because girls come up here sometimes trying to come in under different pretexts.” 

“Do they come up here crying and saying they’re Taeyong’s friends?” 

“No, I’m sorry. I do believe you but he still isn’t home.” They guy looked apologetic and you had no other option than to believe him. 

“The only time I needed him he suddenly fleets from his room.” you mumbled under your breath, turning to run down the stairs without even saying goodbye. 

“I think he’ll be back soon, you could wait for him.” the boy shouted but you already were down one flight of stairs to turn back and come in. 

Instead, you sat down on the bench a couple of meters away from the entrance. Maybe the guy was right, and Taeyong will be home soon, you could just wait here. Or, at least, if he’s not coming back until you’re freezing on this bench to death, you could at least regain a bit of your energy, to be able to take your drained body home. The weird silence of the street and insanely paced train of thoughts in your brain made your heart feel uneasy. You could feel your palms sweat just at the thought of coming back to work tomorrow. You called Taeyong once again, meeting with silence and even higher panic levels. You could almost feel your phone slip out of your clammy hands, dropping it onto the bench to wipe your palms against the pants you wore. 

Being left alone totally, most definitely wasn’t the nicest of things after you were named things you never thought you will be named, after being stomped like that cause of nothing by your boss. You tucked your feet closer to your body, wrapping your arms around, to not let them fall back to the ground. Propping your head on the backrest you looked up to the sky in weak attempts to pass the time. Watch the sky and finally hear Taeyong’s steps getting to the entrance. But he wasn’t anywhere near, and his steps didn’t bother your hearing. It was pretty quiet and the only sound was made by your sobs that suddenly began to increase. You couldn’t sense the moment tears began flooding your ears again, just the feeling of warm trails turn into cold ones as the autumn breeze hit your skin brought you back to your feelings. You just couldn’t understand why people had to be so cruel. You did nothing wrong and injustice of the world only made the tears come out harder. 

“Hey, Y/n, is that you?” you shoot your head to look forward, wiping the stains of tears as quickly as possible, as if it was the only trail of your crying. 

“Ugh, Jaehyun, hi.” you chuckled awkwardly and sat even more back down onto the bench. 

“Are… are you okay?” he asked and his voice kinda broke, still standing far away from you. 

“Yeah, I was just waiting for Taeyong, it’s fine.” you gestured with your hand that you were fine and only then Jaehyun took a step closer to you. 

“Is he not home?”

“Nuh-uh, went somewhere. It’s fine though, I’ll wait for him here, you can go.” you mastered a smile to reassure him but it seemed to not work. Jaehyun placed his body next to yours, resting his back on the backrest of the bench. You held your breath expectant of what he’ll say to you, what he’ll want to know or what he’ll do, but he just sat quietly. You didn’t dare to turn your head and look at him because you most definitely would feel awkward to look at him with your puffy, red from crying face. 

“I know we’re not close, but if you need a shoulder to cry on right now, I won’t hesitate to give you one. You don’t even have to explain to me what’s up. If you don’t want to, we can just quietly wait for Taeyong here.” you took a loud hitched breath as if you were about to speak, but no words came out of your mouth.

“My boss is a bastard.” you could feel Jaehyun’s eyes fix on your back after you spoke, expecting for him to reply back anything, but he was probably allowing for you to say what you found important to share. “He said I should be a coffee lady instead, because I’m useless and not focusing on work enough.” you found yourself crying once again, making all those words come through your body. Jaehyun’s warm palm landed on your back, caressing it in soothing motion. This probably was the first physical contact you have ever had with him, you never even gave hugs to each other when you met, you just waved and it seemed like enough. But this encounter just made you want more of the contact, and not specifically with Jaehyun, but with anyone who would be able to give you a hug and caress your hair until you cry out all the tears that were there. 

“Men like that are probably dissatisfied with their own lifes and are trying to build younger people they have power over the same way.” your head snapped to watch Jaehyun’s face expression. It was emotionless, he looked like he didn’t care and this, weirdly enough, made you calmer. 

“Did you mean it? That you won’t hesitate to give me your shoulder to cry on?” you scanned his face and he nodded, tapping lightly with his fingers on his shoulder next to yours, as if inviting you to it. 

“But why would he say any of that? Out of the blue?” Jaehyun asked carefully, caressing your head, while it rested against his shoulder. Practically your entire body rested against his, with your folded knees falling over his thighs, when you changed your sitting arrangement to get his body under yours. Jaehyun’s other hand held your shoulders, and if someone passed you two by, you looked like two lovers glued to each other. 

“He’s always been like that, but today he was extra picky with everything, when I asked him a single question he snapped and shouted, I told him it distresses me and then he began his rant.”

“Did you cry in front of him?” Jaehyun’s hand stopped moving and you raised your head to look him in the eyes and nodded. “Don’t cry, if he says something next time, he shouldn’t see you weak. He probably feeds off of your crying.” 

“I wasn’t planning on breaking down in front of him anyway, especially now after he called me an ugly cryer as well.” you moved your head down suddenly feeling self conscious of looking at Jaehyun this close. You wiped your falling tear with your fingers, wrapping your hands around your body. 

“Hey…” Jaehyun sighed to catch your attention and raise your head back to look at him, but you ignored his little hail. Jaehyun’s fingers moved from your head onto your cheek, they moved slowly, ever so lightly, your skin almost not being able to feel them, but how could you not, when his motions suddenly became too intimate for your sanity. Jaehyun’s fingers laid atop of your jaw, while his thumb drew tiny circles over your cheek. You couldn’t catch if he was being, actually, affectionate, or if your tired brain took a friendly gesture elsewhere. “Will you not look at me?” he chuckled when you, trying to work out what was going on, took too long. “I will kiss you without your consent if you won’t raise your eyes at me.” your eyes quickly found Jaehyun’s to see if he was joking, and he seemed to be not. “I should’ve said that I like you before I said this thing about the kiss, right?” he chuckled and moved his head as if disapproving of his own self. 

“Are you saying this just because I told you my boss called me ugly?” 

“No… but kinda yes, I mean…” He rumbled and you found it cute. He seemed nervous and this at least hinted that he was honest. “I kind of wanted to protest and say that you’re insanely beautiful, but this probably would sound weird and I thought I should tell you first that…” Jaehyun’s fingers stopped moving, his brain being too preoccupied with turning words into sentences. 

“Maybe you should’ve kissed me without explaining it much.” you interrupted him, trying to hide a smile that shone over your lips with a smirk. 

“But can I?” his eyes got wider as if he didn’t expect this kind of reply from you. You raised one of your hands that’s been laying over your stomach for too long now, quietly hooking it over Jaehyun’s neck as a call to action. 

“You can.” you whispered in reply, when Jaehyun’s head moved towards yours. You closed your eyes when you could feel Jaehyun press his lips against yours, and you kissed him back - deeply and slowly. Your other hand was gripping onto Jaehyun’s cheek to pull his mouth closer to yours, pin his body against yours more. His tongue found yours and suddenly you found yourself craving for way much more than what he asked for. Asking him to sleep with you would probably scare him away, if you were him, you’d think that you wanted to put the stress and frustration away with sex, and you didn’t want him to think that. You didn’t want him to do anything that would make him dislike you, suddenly the fleeting feeling of finding him attractive ran through your stomach. You pulled back first and wiped the lipstick stains off his lips. Jaehyun watched you silently, catching your fingers with his, when you wanted to drop your hand back onto your lap, and hooked it over his neck once again. 

“And can I kiss you once more?” his whisper landed on your lips, not asking for any answer, as his lips covered yours. 

*

This, was a terribly bad idea. When the guy at the dorm said Taeyong wasn’t home, you should’ve caught a taxi and get back home. This, didn’t seem like a good thing, more, like a start of something wrong, you thought to yourself, when you sat at the office next week, still in doubt if you should tell Taeyong what happened or not. 

“My dear miss Y/n.” you heard a familiar voice from above of your cubicle, raising your head to see Mr. Kang. “Not enough tasks to keep you occupied for the whole day? I’d rather you check up on those papers you give to your seniors, than stare blankly into the screen of your computer. You know, it’s not that much I’m asking of your little brain.” 

“Mr. Kang, of course, I’ll check my papers carefully before giving them to you.” you bowed in your seat and put on a smile, wishing for him to go. As if he read your thoughts, your boss turned around noiselessly and began walking away. 

“You better are, bitch.” you swore to god you heard him mumble, gasping and standing up in your seat. The loud noise of the wheels moving probably made it sound as if you fell off your stool and he turned around. “Y/n? What’s wrong?” he looked at you expressionless for a split second making you believe you were hallucinating. 

“Did you…” you wanted to ask directly if he called you a bitch, but this probably would attract even more attention of your co-workers. “Did you say, anything, sir? I think I might’ve not heard you correctly.” 

“Oh, miss Y/n, I didn’t, you might be starting hearing things. I guess, the stress is really getting the best of you.” he pursed his lips, and turned on heels, raising eyebrows and left. 

*

 Your eyes were running between windows on the building you stood in front of. You doubted and shifted from one foot to other, looking at the screen of your phone and then hiding it back in your pocket. 

You were distressed. Distressed because you were sure your boss called you a bitch but you had nothing on you to prove it. Distressed, because there wasn’t a single evening since the day Jaehyun kissed you, that you haven’t thought of him. You haven’t talked to him, either, but this, wasn’t that much of a surprise to you. You’d feel more pressured if he suddenly began texting you non-stop, pressing and invading your inner peace. You two probably needed to talk everything out somehow, but the nature of your relationship didn’t really give you a chance to do so.

You said ‘fuck it’ and brought your phone back out. Your fingers quickly found Jaehyun’s name in the phone book, running your eyes through the dead chat for the 100th time for the past 10 minutes. The last message there was from two months ago. You asked Jaehyun, if Taeyong was at home, and his simple ‘idk’ was the very end of your conversation. 

to:Jaehyun 

“are you home?”

You hit send and regretted it immediately. He probably won’t see the message now and will text you hours later when you’ll be already home. It’ll only make things more awkward in the future, when you’ll have to tell him something, anything. You should’ve called and asked him over the call, but now calling and texting would make you look desperate for his attention, and you hated to seem desperate. You swore under your breath and turned to walk away, when your phone vibrated. 

from:Jaehyun 

“yeah” 

to: Jaehyun

“d’you think you could come outside?”

from: Jaehyun 

“give me a minute” 

You read the notification, locking your phone and focusing your vision on the entrance. You felt your heart beat in your ears and you hoped  it’ll stop before Jaehyun shows up in front of you or you might pass out. Soon enough, a figure was visible through a glass door, not even guessing, you knew it was Jaehyun. When his eyes were able to spot you and his hand reached out for the door, you walked in his direction. More likely you stormed in his direction, stopping on your tracks, when he was a couple of steps away. 

“Did something happen?” he looked at you confused. 

“Yeah.” you nodded and raised your arms to wrap over his shoulders, forcing Jaehyun to bend his back to get his face closer to you. “And only you can make me feel better.” his eyes watched your lips move and when you stopped talking, he let you move his face even closer and lock your lips. Jaehyun’s fingers gripped your waist, keeping you in place, and you weren’t really sure now who was taking over the kiss. You found your hands over Jaehyun’s cheeks, when he pushed you away slightly, pecking your lips to let you breathe. 

“Do you want to tell me what happened?” his grip on your waist loosened, making you wish he gave you a hug. You nodded and Jaehyun let you go, initiating a walk near their dorm. 

*

to: Jaehyun

“do you think, we could see each other?”

You texted Jaehyun nonchalantly. Your messaging history with him seemed to get more active than before, since the last time you asked him to come out wasn’t more than a week ago.

You stared at your phone, biting onto your lip. It was midday, he probably was asleep, at least, that’s when Taeyong usually was barely awake and you guessed that’s what everyone at their dorm did.

 You might’ve cried through the whole night after leaving work around midnight last night, after one more ugly rant of your boss, but you were not planning to admit that to anyone. You took a sick leave and didn’t want to give any fucks about what would he think of your sudden sickness. You wanted to see Jaehyun and get his help on releasing your stress, and maybe, most likely, you wanted him to do more than just kiss you, and lack of reply on his side made you more frustrated than you would like it to. 

from: Jaehyun

“it’s alarming, you know that?” he texted you back later on. 

to: Jaehyun

“wdym”

from: Jaehyun 

“stress levels at your work are alarming.” you chuckled at his reply, biting onto your lower lip to think of reply. 

“we can, though.”

“I’m out of the dorm, so just tell me where you’d like to meet.” 

to: Jaehyun 

“think you could come up to mine like now?” 

from: Jaehyun

“I thought you’re at the office” 

to: Jaehyun 

“I took a sick leave”

“I got sick and tired thinking of you and not being able to have you by my side.” you re-wrote the message 10 times, making your insides do a flip. This, kinda took you somewhere else, somewhere where you weren’t just asking Jaehyun for kisses to release stress. 

from: Jaehyun 

“okay”

“your address?” his response seemed too dry for your own liking and you hated yourself internally for letting him know you were thinking of him like that. 

You sent the address and dropped the phone onto the couch. He should’ve replied differently, and the thought sat in your brain until you heard another notification. 

“by the way, I got sick and tired thinking of you and not being able to have you by my side months ago.” he sent and you froze. You kind of erased his sudden confession out of your brain, not because you didn’t take it into account, but because Taeyong still had no clue about all this, and because kissing for a couple of times in a grown up world wasn’t meant to mean much, right? 

It didn’t mean to mean much, but it did for Jaehyun already, and maybe, probably did for you too.

You felt heaviness in your chest while you waited for him to come. You knew that it was there because you wanted to feel his lips on yours, run your fingers through his hair, feel his fingers on your cheek. Your breath hitched when he pressed on the door bell and you ran, but then paused before the door to not seem like you were desperate, once again. You gave yourself a promise to keep yourself collected and pushed the door open. Jaehyun stood there in a black jean jacket, with his fringe tucked behind a black cap. His hands were in his pockets, scanning your figure that was still wearing pyjamas. 

“Hi.” You smiled and walked to the side, inviting him to come. “We don’t really greet each other, do we?” you chuckled and watched him undo his converse. 

“Yeah.” he nodded and stood back up, looking around. “Hi.” Jaehyun took off his jacket, revealing to you that he’s wearing a black t-shirt, and held it in his hands, before you reached out and hung it by the door. Jaehyun stood quietly and watched your every motion. Suddenly you realised that maybe kissing was your own very special way of killing the awkwardness of being one on one and you should’ve not held back and just kissed him. “Something happened, right?” you looked at the floor, being ashamed of the whole idea of calling him over in the first place. “I mean, we don’t really talk to each other if it’s not you willing to release stress through kissing.” your body felt heat at the hint in Jaehyun’s voice that you were using him. You knew it more than he did, he didn’t need to hint it to you. You used him because you were afraid to admit you liked your best friends friend, and you used him because he was the one who allowed all of it. He was the one who kissed you first. 

You slowly walked towards him, still not being able to look Jaehyun in the eyes. Stretching your arms towards his, you forced him to hug your waist and he locked his arms around you tightly, closing the space left between your bodies in a second. Your fingers slowly crawled up his chest and he let you kiss him, deeply as ever. He bit your lip and a moan escaped your throat, when Jaehyun’s fingers dug into your side. 

“I want to lie down, let’s go to my bedroom.” you whispered in his mouth and he agreed quickly, allowing for you to take the lead. You sat down with your back to your headboard and Jaehyun sat facing you. Your fingers strolled up his thighs until they got way too close to his centre and you moved them back onto his shoulders, so you could support yourself getting your body on top of one of his thighs. Jaehyun’s hand held your faces close to each other, and when you tried to reach out for him first, his lips caught you midway and crashed against yours. He roughly pressed your body against your headboard by your shoulder and you whimpered. Did he plan on taking this somewhere else too? You guessed he did, if what he said about wanting you was true. You slid fingers down his stomach and there’s a small clashing of tongues because he’s startled. His body stiffened and whatever he focused on, helped you to take full reign of the kiss. You stuck your tongue out, letting a trail of saliva still connect you as he moved his head back. Your fingers moved past the band of his jeans and you squeezed his member through thin material of the skinny’s. He gasped and you moved your lips to the column of his neck, squeezing his member rhythmically.

Jaehyun seemed to recollect himself, grabbing onto your hand and pushing it away. “So this, is how things are going to go?” you thought if he meant to ask if you really were implying on sex or not and chuckled. 

“If you have any preferences I’ll gladly take them into account.” you chuckled and tried to move his face closer to yours. 

“I didn’t mean this. I’m asking, if this is how we’re going to be, me and you. If the only connection we’re going to have is when you need me to release your stress. Starting with kisses, now sex. I kissed you because I was dying to. We kissed once more and I thought this will change you towards me but now I just cant shake the feeling off that I’m being used.”

“Speak to Taeyong.” you simply stated. 

“About us?” he asked after thinking of what you said. 

“Yes. Tell him.”

“And if he’s fine with us, what’s then?”

“Then, just love me.” you chuckled at him and leaned in to peck his lips. “I’m already thinking of you all the time, so you don’t have to worry I won’t love you back.” Jaehyun watched your face expressions change. “I hate confessions, why are you keeping quite for so long.” you chuckled and hid your face on his chest, feeling Jaehyun’s hands wrap around your body and making the two of you fall down on the bed. “Can you stay? For a while, or will you go back to talk to Taeyong?” you raised your head and looked him in the eyes, running your thumb over Jaehyun’s lower lip. 

“I’ll tell him later, okay?” you smiled happily and kissed his lips. “You’re obliged to go on a date with me now, by the way.” 

*

“What’s up?” Jaehyun picked up quickly your call “Oh, baby.” he gasped immediately after hearing your sob through the phone. 

“I’m fine.” you said as you wiped tears off your cheeks “I just called to say I won’t be able to see you before you leave. I’m probably staying at work till midnight.” 

“Please.” he sighed into the phone and you couldn’t pick up if he was mad because you couldn’t say goodbye properly. “I’ll come to your office.” 

“What? No, no. They could recognise you, Jaehyun.” 

“I’ll wait for you outside the building. I’ll be there in 40 minutes, okay? Will you be able to come down?” 

“I will no matter what.”

“Good.” he smiled as he spoke and you could hear it through the phone. “I can’t wait to see you.” 

“I, too.” you breathed into the phone loudly trying to calm down when Jaehyun hung up. Being at the office was shitty either way you looked at it and you walked outside way before the meeting time, sitting on the bench with no backrest, and hating every person who thought placing such benches was a good thing to do. 

You spotted Jaehyun’s figure out of the car immediately, his long legs, highlighted with skinny black jeans he used to wear all the time back then, ran towards the building. A cap was sitting deep on his head, running so no one could see his face. He raised it only when he reached you and you almost gasped at how teenagely innocent he looked for his age. Months later, introducing Jaehyun to your parents, your mom asked awkwardly if Jaehyun was of age and you would never forget how hardly you laughed at that question. 

“My ugly crier.” he cooed whispering, for you only to hear and squatted before your sitting figure, cupping your cheek as he sat down. You smiled but felt like crying again. Not because of the nickname, but because Jaehyun was about to leave the city for a little while, because even though the nickname ‘ugly crier’ was filled on his side with affection and humour, you knew he called you that, because no matter how many times he begged you to quit the job that made you cry, you protested. He put his own frustration in that nickname and you understood that and never held it back against him. “Why is he keeping you hostage?” Jaehyun’s hand laid on your neck and you almost slid from the bench to your knees on the ground to be on the same level as he. 

“Because I asked if I could leave 30 minutes early.” 

“Fucking ba-“ 

“Jaehyun-ah.” you placed your palm over his lips.

“I can’t ask you to quit this shitty place anymore” he sighed even more distressed than you are. You knew this gave him so much stress too that he couldn’t deal with atop of dealing with his own work problems. “Baby, I beg you. For me, for us, if you don’t want to do this for your own peace of mind, do it for mine. If you’ll quit, I’ll do everything in my power to take you with us on tour. We’ll get to travel the US, together. Please? I don’t want you to stay here, crying on your own when neither i or Taeyong can be around. Please, Y/n. I can’t leave you in this state.”

“And how are you imagine this? Where am I going to get money, if I’m going to mindlessly travel the US for a couple of months? Who’s going to pay my rent?” 

“I’ll work this all out, I promise. You’ll find a better job once we’ll be back. God knows what will happen next year. Maybe we’ll have even less time together than now. I would never ask you to drop your career for me but this place is ruining your nervous system. We’ll take this as a break, okay?” you nodded without even resisting him for a second. “You agree?” Jaehyun asked confused. “After all those months of asking you just agree with me in a minute?” he chuckled amazed. 

“You should’ve just begged earlier.” you smirked at him and Jaehyun gasped, pulling your head closer for a kiss. Your head collided with his cap, forcing for it to fall back onto the ground. You chuckled through the kiss and let go of him so he could put it back on. “And what if they’ll not allow for me to tag along?” 

“I’ll pay for your stay.” he said immediately, making you chuckle at his little, or not so little, flex. 

You felt like that year was indeed the best year of your life. You knew that quitting that job would be a pleasure, but quitting the job and getting a chance to travel with your boyfriend and best friend at the same time felt ecstatic. You felt happy and free, free of any duties and responsibilities, enjoyed your life and hadn’t had a single thought about what awaited for you back home. 

Taeyong beat into your head that being financially dependent on your boyfriend is not a crime and you are allowed to do it, especially when the boyfriend wanted to do it for you and when he did it willingly for you. At the end of the day you knew, that once you’re back home you’re looking for a job no matter what. 

But pandemic hit little before you could finally find it, and the company put hiring on pause, and you found yourself locked up in one room with Jaehyun for way too many days in a row. 

Pandemic hit and you found yourself cling onto Jaehyun way more than you wanted yourself to, and it wasn’t even about finance. This was an emotional cling, to an extent where you called him crying, when he had to leave you completely alone for two weeks cause of quarantine. 

“Jaehyun-ah.” 

“You’re breaking my heart every time you cry.” his eyes visibly saddened at the picture he saw on his screen. 

“I love you.” 

“Baby, I do love you too. When I’m allowed to, I’m running back to you.” 

“But I need you now. Can’t I sneak in? I’ll spends those two weeks with you, I have nothing to do if you’re not around.”

“I love you and I love how attached you are to me, but I think we should be able to go through a quarantine without tears, okay?” you nodded and blinked at him. 

“You attached me to yourself completely and now you’re saying that I should be able to go through this without tears. How am I going to do that?” 

“What are my options? I have to calm you down.” he smiled lovingly and you looked away for your own good.  

“I hate you.” you sighed into the phone and dropped your head on the pillow. “Maybe I should’ve stayed on that job.”

“Don’t overthink this. It’s already been over a year.”

“Yeah, a year.” you showed your face back on the phone. “My happiest year.” 

“Mine, too. It’s not like I’m not attached to you, too, it’s not like I’m not dying to be right next to you too, you know that.”

“Maybe we’re too codependent?” you asked and Jaehyun shook his head a no. 

“We’re just deeply in love. If the feeling goes away I guess we’re going to get into routine.”

“But I can’t breathe if you’re not around.”

“Then this will be a great opportunity for the both of us to lay back a little.”

You agreed on laying back, agreed that maybe personal space was still a thing even when you were in a relationship. 

*

“Have you two considered moving together? Since you know, Jungwoo is at the dorm all the time and stuff.” Taeyong sat across you and Jaehyun, looking more like an investigator than a friend. 

“Have we?“ Jaehyun’s eyes scanned your face expression with a little smile.

“No, and we won’t.” you shook your head and dropped your back against the seat. 

“No, my little angels are in a fight?” Taeyong widened his already big eyes. 

“Not in one that I’m aware of…?” Jaehyun ran his eyes around confused and moved his hand onto your thigh, that you gladly covered with your palm. Taeyong’s phone rang and he jumped up.

“Oh, Baekhyun hyung is waiting for me on the server, I’m sorry.” you could only see the back of his head disappear before you could reply. 

“Did I upset you somehow?” Jaehyun flexed his fingers under your hold. 

“I wonder how you could do that.” you smiled at him and scrunched your nose, smooching his cheek with a loud sound. 

“Then it’s just a matter of principles?” 

“You never said before you wanted to live with me.” 

“I thought it’s an obvious next step in our relationship. We kind of been together for a while.” Jaehyun watched how you bent his fingers one by one back and forth. 

“You might need a reality check, baby.” you chuckled and finally looked back at him, biting your lower lip. 

“Huh?”

“Did you by any chance forget what you’re doing for a living?” 

“I didn’t-“

“Then why are we even talking about this?” you smiled with the smile you knew he hated so much. Getting on his nerves wasn’t something you wanted to do. 

“Should we talk about this?” 

“I maybe should go home.” Jaehyun’s gaze changed and you knew you hurt him. You stood up and walked over his stool, hugging his shoulders from the back. “I know you have a schedule tomorrow.” you pecked his cheek once again. 

“I don’t fucking care about the schedule when you’re acting like you’re my mom and I’m a clueless child.” Jaehyun grabbed your wrist and pushed you softly off his back, holding on to the stool with his other hand and turning around to face you ”Well, yeah, I am clueless why you said that we won’t consider moving in, but I’m not a child and you can talk to me if there’s something in between us that I didn’t notice.” 

“I don’t want to be like this.” you pouted and ran your finger over his shoulder. 

“Like what?” he caught your finger and held onto your palm. 

“I don’t want to live like I stand a chance…” you looked at Jaehyun’s face for a split second, catching his focused gaze on you, chewing onto his lower lip nervously. “Like I stand a chance against your job.” Jaehyun gasped loudly when you finished your sentence. 

“You know that I won’t put you-“ 

“I know, Jaehyun, I know, but I don’t want you to be like this. Once everything gets back to normal, you’re going to start travelling again, be even more busy. I’m not going to follow every one of your steps, it’s wrong. It’s like I don’t have a personality and once you’ll feel like it too we’ll fall apart. It’s inevitable, it’ll happen sooner or later anyway. If we’re moving in together I’m going to come into that place and cry, cry every time I’ll come back home and will realise that you’re not coming back too, because you’re in Tokyo or in Los Angeles, or somewhere else, I don’t know where else you could be going. It’ll be painful and I don’t want to be in any more pain than this. I already am in enough pain every time I realise we are not forever.” your fingers subconsciously squeezed Jaehyun’s. 

“No.” 

“I never said this because I knew you won’t like this reality, I don’t like it too.” 

“No.” he stood up, towering in front of you. His hand let go of yours, taking your face into his arms instead. He stood closer, not giving you a chance to look away, letting you sink in the pained look on his face. 

You swore on your own self for replying that way to Taeyong, it wasn’t really the time to have a reality check. You couldn’t remember the time you fought with Jaehyun last, usually you’d be on Cloud 9 in his presence and only get the saddening thoughts while being left alone and by the time Jaehyun was around you again, you’d get so overwhelmed there wasn’t a chance for you to feel anything except for flapping of butterflies inside of your stomach. “You’re not right and I am sure of it.” he began talking fiercely, quickly changing the manner by the end of the sentence. “Why you never told me you were hurting?” his thumb made soothing motions over your cheek. 

“Because when you’re here it’s all good, Jaehyun.” you crawled your hands onto his waist and pulled yourself closer to his warm body. “Now it’s going to be all good too.” You whispered almost into his lips, allowing for him to do that last move of his neck to lay his lips atop of yours. 

“I want a family with you.” he didn’t even kiss you properly before the words left his mouth. “Not now, in the future. We could work it all out, I know it’s not something I can do - being with you all the time right now, but at least I could try. I want to try being with you even if it seems like I can’t.”

“Not now because you know deep down you can’t drop everything?” you smirked, not in a cruel way, just as a statement of a fact. 

“Maybe that too…” he sighed. 

“I love you.” you blabbered when his words died. “That’s why I would never want you to drop the job that’s making you happy. That’s why being a family is not an option now or five years later. Maybe I’m weak or maybe I’m selfish? Or maybe you are selfish for asking me to suffer.”

“Don’t call being with me suffering, I love you.” 

“I know you do, but… I guess I never realised in what fucked up thing I got myself, and I couldn’t realise for a very long time. And now I’m left with hating you and loving you at the same time.”

“So you do for real hate me?” Jaehyun looked concerned. You couldn’t work out if he took your words seriously or not.

“Only a little, when you’re purposefully taking too long on making me cum.” you said loudly to put an end to that ongoing conversation. 

“What are you saying.” Jaehyun’s shy smile brought his dimples out and your heart finally began beating again, making that bad aftertaste of the previous conversation hide away. 

“Are your ears turning pink?” you chuckled and raised your arm to touch them. “They’re totally pink and warm.” you chuckled at him, feeling him drag you to his room. “I didn’t know you were shy of me.” 

“Yuta is behind that door.” he hissed and pointed at the door that was a meter away from you two. You widened your eyes and now full on laughed. “Are you possessed or something?” he kept on hissing, dragging you to his room. 

“I’m sure he heard me moan your name before.” Jaehyun’s hands finally opened the door, and he quickly locked it behind him, pushing you onto his chest. You gladly hugged his neck, when his lips suddenly began hungrily kissing yours. “He might as well hear me moan now.” you mumbled as Jaehyun’s hand traveled down your back, squeezing your butt.

“Shut up.” his lips moved onto your jaw, leaving a trail of open mouthed kisses down to the column of your neck. 

“Usually you ask for moans instead.” 

“Oh god.” he gasped annoyed, making his tongue lick through your collarbone afterwards. You whimpered and Jaehyun’s head raised up to look at you. 

“What?” you chuckled and pulled him in by his hair. 

“I can’t promise that I’ll drop my job for you. I know you wouldn’t believe me, I wouldn’t believe myself either, because it is most likely a lie. And I do realise you wouldn’t ask for that in the first place.” you nodded, caressing his cheeks. “But I’m going to ask you to give me time. Because I know with time everything I want with you is going to be more possible.” 

“Why are you so sure of it?” you shook your head in disbelief and chuckled. 

“I know my seniors and I know their secrets.” he said too seriously. 

“I trust you.” you smiled and tried your best to really trust him. Trust him that all the love you poured out won’t just go to waste one day.

*

“Fuck. Fuck. Taeyong I’m FUCKED.” you cried into the phone. 

“What?” he was confused but didn’t pay too much attention to your cries. Once in a while you called him with something similar regarding your newly found job, but you usually didn’t act that dramatic for him to get too used to it. 

“I can’t talk over the phone.”

“You committed a crime and want me to help you cover it?” he joked lamely. 

“Get up and come to the cafe we were at last week.” 

“The one where you threw up in the bathroom?” he giggled into the phone but heard no laugh in reply.  “Okay, it’s not that funny, I’m sorry.” 

“Will you come or not?” you sighed tiredly, hearing Taeyong pause his game. 

“Of course I will. When?”

“Now. I’m going to leave now.”

“Okay, but everything’s fine, right? Nothing too serious I should worry about?” he suddenly spoke quieter and slower. 

“I don’t know but nothing to be worried about for you for sure.” you hung up before he could say something back and left your place. The cafe was actually quiet far to walk to, but knowing that it’ll take a while for Taeyong to get there you just kept on walking. 

“What happened? I literally ran out in my pyjamas.” Taeyong plopped on the couch and breathed heavily. 

“Don’t shout at me, okay?” 

“You cheated on Jaehyun?”

“What?” you cackled shocked but then suddenly thought that maybe it could’ve been a better problem. 

“Thank god it’s not this.” he sighed relieved and dropped back onto the backrest.

“So you think I’m a cheating type of person?” You raised your eyebrows at Taeyong.  

“No, I don’t think that. I just thought it because you wanted to tell me and not him. Go on, tell me what happened?” 

You paused for a minute or, actually, maybe two, watching him take your glass of water to drink. You didn’t actually want him to choke, but he was being slow and you couldn’t keep your hand behind the table anymore so you just dropped it in front of him. “What? What are you trying to show me? That’s a proposal ring?” he pointed at your finger, even though it was a different hand. He gulped again, and you just moved your hand away and then he spat and attracted everyone’s attention to your table. Excusing himself multiple times at everyone who stared, he shifted his eyes blankly from you to the table in turns. “Does he know?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“I just found out.” 

“Then it probably most likely is wrong?” Taeyong asked hopefully and lit up. “Take another one?” he watched you reach for your bag and hide your hand in it, roughly dropping a ridiculous amount of pregnancy tests onto the table. To be exact, 13. He mouthed an O. 

“Is that enough to be sure?” 

“Why did you take so many?” 

“Because I ordered one, but then two more because this one could’ve been wrong, and then I thought that if these two are the same I need a third one for reassurance. Then I thought that this brand sucked and I ordered a different one, but then this one was also positive so I went to the grocery store around the corner and bought everything they had.”

“Oh my god.” Taeyong simply stated. 

“E-fucking-xactly.” you were ready to hit your head on the table, but this would probably attract curious eyes you didn’t need. 

“You know, all of these could still be wrong… like, something’s in your urine or something.”

“I booked an appointment for tomorrow. Will you come with me?” you reached out your hand to hold onto Taeyong’s wrist. 

“Isn’t it better for Jaehyun to…?”

“I won’t tell him.” you shook your head vigorously and held onto Taeyong tighter. 

“Ugh… why?”

“He’s going to do stupid things.” 

“Things like what?” 

“Things like preparing himself to being a dad.”

“And what’s stupid about it?” 

“Hey, look. You’re my best friend.”

“Yeah?”

“And you’re Jaehyun’s friend too.”

“I don’t catch it.” 

 “Besides that, you two kinda work together. Think of it as a leader, not our friend.” he finally seemed to understand. 

“You know that these two things are not really related.” 

“He’s not dumb but he is at the same time capable of dumb things.”

“Elaborate.” Taeyong shifted in his seat. 

“I’m just afraid he’ll quit or do some dumb shit that will ruin his life.” 

“He could really do that.” Taeyong shook his head probably imagining. “But he’ll have to know at one point? I mean, he’ll notice.”

“Not if I’m not carrying on the pregnancy.” 

“No.”

“Taeyong-“

“If you’re doing that, I’m telling him.”

“What would be the point if it’s done?” 

“Wait, what? I’m confused. Did you do it already?”

“No, I won’t tell you now, even if I will.” you gathered the test and threw them into your bag “If Jaehyun never finds out about this, you’ll be the one thankful.”

“I’m not sure my job is winning over the fact my best friend wants to kill her baby.” 

“If I’ll do it I’ll do it only for him.” you stated and Taeyong sat deeper in his seat, thinking. 

“How did that even happen?” he asked suddenly meeting your annoyed gaze. “No, I didn’t mean physically, I mean how did that happen, like you two don’t use protection or what.” 

“I hate this conversation.”

“We’ll you gotta tell me since it’s already started.”

“I think it’s because of that time I forgot to take the pill in the morning and only took it before bed. I heard this can lower the levels of protection, but I didn’t think it’ll literally happen like that.” you dropped your forehead on your arms that were laying over the table. 

“At least now we know why you threw up.” Taeyong stated and ruffled your hair. “Note taken though, never do it raw.” he cackled loving his own joke. 

“First, find yourself someone who’d do it with you at all.” you bit making Taeyong even more amused. 

“Too offensive with the person that will go to the doctor with you AND keep his mouth shut before you tell him.”

“I should’ve just kept it all to myself.” you cried into your arms. 

*

“So… I guess now we can totally say that you are, in fact, pregnant?” Taeyong watched you put the papers away. 

“Yeah, except for the fact we’re not saying this to anyone.” you tried to not seem too burdened or upset. “And I mean it, Taeyong.” you threatened him with a finger. 

“Since I’m the one you granted this secret to, I feel like we need to talk everything through.” 

“Can you drive?” you tried your best to ignore him. Ignoring Taeyong was always your favourite option. 

“Yeah, sure.” you walked over your car to plop your body on the passenger seat. “You’re not feeling well?” he asked, sitting his body next to yours.” 

“I’m feeling like shit.” you snapped and dropped your hands in front of you, hiding your face in them. 

“Fuck, Y/n.” Taeyong gasped and undid the seatbelt he just put on. “It’s fine.” you felt his hand get onto your back, caressing it. “People get pregnant all the time.” 

“Yeah, they get that when they want it.” 

“It’s not true. People get pregnant when they don’t have money, and they don’t want it in general. Or when they think it’s going to ruin their life. It’s the shock, you should tell Jaehyun. He’ll give you emotional support I can’t.”

“He’ll be shocked too and then what?” you raised your head to see Taeyong.

“Okay. Let’s go from the other way around. Do you want this baby ? Do you not want it because you don’t want to mess Jaehyun’s life or because you don’t want babies in general?” 

“Because of Jaehyun.” 

“Okay, then you have to tell him and see what he has to say? What if he’s like ‘yeah, get rid of that, it’s not the time’?” you widened your eyes at Taeyong. “Well in a nicer form, obviously.”

“It’s like you don’t know that he wont say anything like that in million years.”

“If he ever finds out you had an abortion he’s going to go mad and if you’ll come to him and say that you’re pregnant but now is not the time, he’ll understand you because he loves you.” Taeyong watched your eyes expectantly but you just couldn’t form words into something reasonable. 

“Please drive me home.” you dropped your back onto the seat. 

“Okay but please think this through.”

“Yeah.” you nodded your head and extended an arm towards Taeyong. He quickly caught it with his and squeezed it. 

“I won’t tell him, I promise.” his hand pulled yours to his chest and then let go. 

*

to: Taeyong

“I think I know what I’ll do.”

“please, don’t judge.” you quickly sent the other message. 

You have thought things through, you wanted for Taeyong to know everything first. 

from: Taeyong 

“you’ll text or want to meet?”

“I actually want to see you.“

“come over”

“I’m home.”

to: Taeyong 

“k”

When you got to Taeyong’s room, you found him play his beloved computer rolling your eyes unamused. 

“When you said you wanted to see me I thought you’d at least get your butt up to open the door.”

“You know the c-. Oh, right. It changed, I’m sorry.” he pouted, standing up to get closer to you. “Who opened the door?”

“Ugh…Hae…?”

“…chan?”

“Yeah, probably, the tall one.”

“That’s Johnny.”

“I’m sorry.” you looked around awkwardly and sat down. 

“How many years has it been?” he shook his head disapprovingly. “I’m giving you an excursion to meet everyone after you tell me when we’re telling Jaehyun about the baby.” 

“Yeah, that’s the thing.”

“What?”

“I’m not telling him and you’re not allowed to fight with me about it.” you added the second part seeing Taeyong open his mouth.  

“Okay? Then just tell me the reason.” 

“I saw him yesterday, we were hanging out and then we kinda… and I said that I forgot to take the pill, and that we can’t…” You paused awkwardly. “I said that if we’re going to do anything, I might get pregnant and he said that it’s not a problem. I was like ‘stop joking’, because I most definitely felt amusement in his voice and said that yeah we can do it but then we’ll have to do something about it, you know, if something happens.” you shivered remembering his face expression afterwards. “He then suddenly turned serious and said that if I’m somehow some day getting pregnant we’ll adjust to that and that’s that and then he just went quiet after he said ‘imagine, if you’d kill our baby?’” 

“Yeah…” Taeyong nodded, somewhere in his thoughts. 

“I just can’t tell him, It’ll hurt him too much.”

“So you’re just going to do it quietly?” his loud sigh filled the room. “I’ll support you, of course. But I kind of got used to the thought we’re having a baby.”

“I can’t do that either…” 

“Huh?” Taeyong’s head lifted quickly to look at you. 

“I’m keeping the baby.” 

“Oh my god, deep down I knew you would never do that to your relationship but when you took too long to decide I kind of started doubting.” 

“I really can’t, I just imagined and I can’t. It’s not the time to have the baby, but it’s definitely not something I can do. At the end of the day, it is a child from someone I love. It’s Jaehyun’s baby.” 

“Exactly.” He nodded vigorously. 

“It’ll be difficult at first, especially if the baby’s going to resemble him so much, but I’ll get used to that.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m going to break up with Jaehyun.” Taeyong’s eye twitched, grimacing on his face a smile that turned in confusion. 

“What the-“

“I can’t ruin his life.”

“And what will you tell him when he’ll see you walking around with a child that’s probably gonna be his copy.”

“If that ever happens, it’s going to be none of his business by the time the baby walks.”

“So you’re just going to come up to him today and go ‘let’s break up’?” Taeyong seemed sceptical about every word that left your mouth. “You are willingly making yourself a single parent?”

“I haven’t thought about how I’m going to break up with him or when, but I’ll do it.”

“Just so you know, you’re fucking crazy.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re going to break a perfectly fine relationship because you don’t want to ‘ruin’” Taeyong drew brackets in the air “his career and life? Too much self sacrifice over nothing. I could tell him, you know? As if you’re scared to upset him, I’ll tell him because I worry? He’ll come up with something and then you’ll figure it out together. I’ll be the one to blame over a problem.”

“No, it’s not needed. I’ll tell him, I can do that.” 

*

You tossed and turned in your bed through the night, felt your leg shake under the table in rhythm with some melody in your head every day you went to work. Your teeth always bit onto your lip and the way your eye twitched from time to time made it too obvious you were a ball of nerves. You had your obvious reason, but the more you postponed fulfilling what you had planned, the more it felt wrong. And no, it wasn’t the decision that felt wrong, it was the fact you let your casual relationship with Jaehyun while keeping in your mind that you had to break up with him. The thought made you sick, even so more it made you sick because this technically was all a lie. 

“I wish we could’ve went out somewhere to eat.” he sighed as his body dropped onto the floor next to you. You helped him free food boxes he brought out of the bags. 

“It’s fine, I’m tired anyway after the walk.” you took a quick glance at his focused gazed to hopefully stay unnoticed, but his eyes met yours anyway, leaning in quickly for a peck on the corner of your lips. “Good thing Jungwoo’s not home.” you noted awkwardly and thought how breaking up in front of Jungwoo would be awkward indeed. 

“He’s staying over at his parents for two nights.” 

“Did you make him leave?” you chuckled. 

“No, he wanted to go back home before the comeback.”

“Oh, when is that?” 

“On Friday.” 

“This very Friday?”

“Yeah, I told you, remember?” 

“Yeah, I’m just surprised the time passed quickly.” you could already feel Taeyong’s hands choke you if you��ll ruin Jaehyun’s mood for the comeback season. 

“It saddens me that we won’t see each other as much.” his palm landed on your thigh and you suddenly realised that the two of you forgot about the food. 

“It’s only couple of weeks.” you stretched out a smile and leaned over to pull out chopsticks from the bag. “Here.” you sighed and implied on you two eating, feeling on the verge of tears when Jaehyun’s hand began drawing small circles up your thigh. It’s the tingling feeling in your stomach that made your eyes water. Just a little more, just a couple strokes up and he’d touch your stomach, where the baby that was his began to grow. You wondered if he could get it somehow if he’d touch you, if the baby somehow gave him inner signals but you knew you were probably going crazy, so you pulled his hand off your leg and simply said. “Im hungry, let’s eat.” 

“Couple of weeks now, and then couple of weeks a bit later on and then year-end shows. You know how it is, when it starts it’s like it never finishes.” he pursed his lips apologetically and you thought that maybe it’s a good thing. Work will keep him busy and you’ll just cope with it somehow on your own. “Remember I told you about the concert?”

“Mmh.” you nodded but refused to look at him. Looking at him made your insides turn and it wasn’t the best feeling. 

“We’re going to have solo stages this time, I thought I’ll do the song I wrote for you.” 

“No.” you spoke as soon as the last sound left his mouth.

“I knew you’d say that.” he chuckled and put the chopsticks away, leaning more onto his bed. 

“You said it’s the song for my ears only, now you’re thinking of showing it to all of your fans… I want it to still be special.” you couldn’t keep your eyes on the wall anymore and turned to face him. Your heart screeched as your gaze ran over his warm smile. 

“Okay, I won’t.” he smiled knowingly, stretching out his hand towards you. You were thinking you should move away, but your body weren’t used to dodging Jaehyun’s touch, so you just froze, feeling his fingers snake over your nape, pulling your face in front of his. “But now I have zero ideas of what should I do.” he whispered before kissing you softly. He didn’t try to move away and you kissed him back - slowly and softly. 

“Didn’t you write things before that?” you pulled him back when you could feel his mood change to the one you were hoping to avoid. 

“I did but they’re not good.”

“Maybe you’ll get inspired to write something new?

“I need it by the end of next week. And I don’t feel like anything inspiring could happen to me.” you looked him in the eyes, wondering if you should tell him what you wanted to right now. A broken heart was a great inspiration to write songs, you thought. 

“And I thought I’ll forever be your muse.” you raised your eyebrows playfully and looked away. Joking would probably be better, for at least now. A little more time in peace won’t hurt anybody. 

“Now I feel bad.” he stated and dropped his head to look at the ceiling. 

“I was kidding.”

“I know, but still.” Jaehyun outstretched his hand to pull you to his side. You crawled over to him, moving the food out of the way. Your hands hugged his waist automatically, loosing your face in the crook of his neck. Jaehyun hugged your shoulders and you trembled a little in his hands. You wanted to tell him that you loved him, that he can actually take the song because you’d die to hear him sing it on stage. You wanted to tell him that you don’t want to leave, you wanted to ask him to stay together before the day of the comeback comes, but alol that left your lips was a gasp. You gasped and moved your hands from his waist onto his neck, hugging him so tightly, that if you were a little bit stronger you’d probably break his bones. I love you, I love you, you cried in your brain but couldn’t say it loud. Maybe Taeyong was right, maybe you were sacrificing too much over nothing. 

“Baby.” he cooed and it took so much in you to not cry. “I know you’re against it so much, but I talked about this with Taeyong and he says it’s okay if we’ll live together.” his hand caressed your back, he wanted to look you in the eyes, but his words only made you breathless, you didn’t want to see his face. You didn’t want him to see your face. “I’m not forcing you, but even if it’ll be the ghost of me in that apartment it’s better than not seeing you at all.” you thought how could you make him stop talking, you scrunched your nose and rubbed it against his neck. “Baby, are you glued to me?” he chuckled and forcefully pushed you off him to look at you. “Or you’re hiding from what I said?” you looked at his ears to not look at him. “At least consider it, okay?” 

“Okay.” you nodded, feeling Jaehyun get his lips on your jaw. 

“I really want you.” Jaehyun whispered into your ear, moving his body closer to yours. His hand forced you onto his lap before you could come up with something to refuse him. You couldn’t think of a thing to say even when his lips trailed a line from your jaw behind your ear. You couldn’t remember the time when you refused him at all, couldn’t remember what people could say when they didn’t want their partner back. Probably, because you wanted him back so much you couldn’t think at all since the moment his palms landed on your thighs. Jaehyun’s fingers tugged the turtle neck you wore higher and you caught his hands mid action. His eyes opened and you looked at him too. 

“Leave it on.” you mumbled quickly, hoping Jaehyun wouldn’t put too much attention to it and he didn’t, locking his lips with yours once again. He was moving his hands over your body swiftly, forcing a gasp from you as his 

hand undid your bra under your turtle neck, moving to the front, cupping your breasts. His tongue slid into your mouth as you gasped, and all the courage you built to tell him no flew out of the window. Your fingers gripped onto his nape, fidgeting your body on his lap when his fingers caressed your stomach. It made you feel like he knew and you cried into his mouth. Jaehyun took it as a cry of want, moving his hand lower, undoing the button on your jeans, slipping his fingers to caress you through your underwear. 

“Jaehyun-ah.” your lips left his in a moan. You already could feel a bubble of pleasure in your lower stomach and you couldn’t understand if this was the effect of pregnancy or you realising it’s the last time you’ll ever feel his fingers on you. His fingers moved past your underwear allowing for him to feel the swell and wetness of your heat. 

“Do you love me this much? It makes me happy to know you’re still into me as much as you were back in the day.” he chuckled satisfied, slipping a finger inside of you. Your hips began their paced moves to meet Jaehyun’s hand half way. You felt him get hard under you and the feeling made you even more drunk on him than before. 

“I want to go home. I’m going to cum.” you cried, squeezing your eyes tightly. “Jaehyun, please. Don’t let go, please.” you moaned on the verge of tears, mixing your words with whispering profanities. Jaehyun watched you with his eyes wide open. He couldn’t believe how vulnerable you’ve suddenly gotten, how easily you were a crying and moaning mess in his arms tonight. He wanted to pull back and feel you cum over him, extracting his hand, but you didn’t open your eyes to watch him, you just began rubbing yourself against his now hard length. Jaehyun panted as he felt the pleasure too. You slipped your tongue into his mouth and he sucked onto it, kissing you deeply. The kiss made your core throb, making you get closer to your release. Your fingers blindly found Jaehyun’s hand that now was helping you rub your thighs against his, forcing it to go back inside your underwear, to rub your clit in shaking circles instead. And he did so, sending you over the edge in minutes. Your hips stopped moving, feeling his fingers caress you through your high. You hated the feeling on your overstimulated heat, forcing his hand away from you. You dropped your body against Jaehyun’s to catch your breath. “I want to go home.” you mumbled the only thing that came to your mind. 

“Right now?” he asked confused, forcing you to raise your head at him. “What happened?” he asked softly, trailing the tears off your cheeks. “You don’t usually cry.” 

“Yeah, I want to go home right now.” your words confused Jaehyun to the extent you felt him get turned off. It was for the best, you thought to yourself. 

“That’s… you can stay, Jungwoo’s not coming back.”

“I know, but I still want to go.”

“I thought we could…ugh… I just…” he seemed to glitch for a minute and you felt more awkward with every passing second that you didn’t tell him you wanted to go before it got sexual. “You just came off my hand a second ago and want to go home immediately? I thought we could have actual sex and then see what’s up? It’s not even about sex, I just feel wrong now.”   

“I messed up the pill schedule, I’m sorry.” you slid off his legs and quickly buttoned up your jeans. 

“What are you sorry for?”

“For not having sex with you.” you mumbled thoughtless, only realising how stupid it sounded when you closed your mouth. 

“Are you… are you insane?” he tried to shout at you, probably, but the sound that came out of him was weak and hurt. You closed your eyes in pain. Things you said pained both you and him and you wanted to hit your head on the wall right then and there. ‘Let’s break up.’ three simple words couldn’t leave your mouth and you couldn’t lift your body up from the floor too. “Let’s not fight. I probably misunderstood you. No, I did misunderstand you for sure.” Jaehyun’s fingers reached out for your palm that you moved away. 

“I’ll go home, okay?”

“Y/n, come on.” he sighed breathlessly. “What are we fighting about.”

“We’re not, I said I wanted to go home even when you were touching me.” 

“Can you tell me why?”

“Because I remembered suddenly I have to get up earlier tomorrow.”

“Okay, I’ll walk you back home.” 

“I’m going to take a taxi.” 

“Okay, I’ll walk you down to the taxi.” 

“You don’t need to.” you got your lips in a thin line. “I need to see Taeyong on my way.”

“I can’t get the feeling off my chest that something’s wrong.” 

“Thank you. Thank you for everything, I’m serious.” you suddenly said, squeezing his palm that was resting over his knee. 

“What exactly are you thanking me for?” he furrowed his eyebrows again. 

“You fool, not for what you just did for sure.” you chuckled and pecked his cheek carefully. 

“I love you.” he simply said back and you hated how attentive he got at times. If he was the normal boyfriend he would’ve not noticed how weird you felt inside. Jaehyun’s hand moved under yours to hold it. “I trust you and I trust that you would tell me if anything was wrong.” he whispered and kissed your knuckles. You nodded your head not being able to lie to him verbally. He leaned in and kissed you goodbye. 

“Bye-bye.” your fingers let go of him. You stood up slowly and walked to the door. You felt your lungs starting to hyperventilate. You wanted to look back at him and send him a flying kiss but warm tears streamed silently down your face without your contest. You walked out quickly, closing the door behind you, dragging your feet to exit as quickly as you could, just in case Jaehyun would want to come out and say something else. 

“Taeyong, I couldn’t.” You cried into your phone as soon as he picked up the phone. “Are you home?” you got the unsatisfactory answer of a no. “I can’t tell him I don’t love him anymore in his face. I can’t hurt him at all. How do I do it?” 

“I can’t think right now, I’m kind of busy, I’m sorry, but if you decided on doing it, just do it. Maybe it’s better to do it now, while he’s going to be busy.” you felt warm breeze of early autumn hit your wet face as you got outside. You thought how Jaehyun talked about being busy for upcoming months. Maybe it was indeed the best timing to do it now. 

“Okay, you’re right.” you just sighed into the phone. 

“I’m here with you.” Taeyong said warmly, even though by the tone of his voice you could tell he was completely distracted. “I have to go though, text me if anything happens.”

“Yeah, yeah. Go.” you nodded and swallowed the tears you held back to be able to talk. 

You quickly found Jaehyun’s number in your phone. You didn’t realise until you dialled it that your heart was beating in your ears. You didn’t realise until you called him that your hands turned into sweaty mess, making your phone slip out of your hands. 

“Yeah?” he asked worriedly. “Did you forget something?” 

“No…” You gulped so loudly it probably was heard on the other side of Seoul. “Let’s break up.” the world began spinning around you but you still tried your best to walk forward. 

“What?” he asked and it made you feel like he couldn’t hear you the first time and you almost backed down. “Break up?” so he did hear you, you thought. “You’re still here? I’ll come down.”

“No, I’m far.” you couldn’t pretend you weren’t crying anymore, so you just let him know about it. 

“If you want to break up, why are you crying?” 

“I worry about your heart.” you whispered into the phone. 

“I want to see you. If you’re far, then I’ll just come to your place.”

“No, Jaehyun. Do you hear me? I’m breaking up with you. I don’t want to see you, hear you. I don’t want to talk to you anymore.” 

“I’m going to hang up and you’ll call me tomorrow, when you’re feeling better. Let’s pretend this conversation never happened, okay?” he pleaded, you could feel the tone of his voice turn into a worried one. 

“No, there’s no need. Nothing’s going to change tomorrow.”

“Why?” he sighed painfully for your ears and you squatted in the middle of the street. 

“Nothing’s there anymore.”

“Nothing’s there anymore? Are you kidding?” you could hear him getting worked up and it actually made you feel better. You wanted him to be mad, it was a good thing he didn’t hide his feelings. You wanted him to hate you, it would be easier if he won’t reach out to you himself. “You were kissing me ten minutes ago. You were next to me, you were holding onto me so tightly because nothings there? Come back. I’m coming outside.”

“Jaehyun.” you cried tiredly. “I don’t want to fight. I’m sorry I couldn’t say this into your face. I felt bad, but breaking up over the phone is probably even worse. I’m so sorry.” 

“How can I not fight with you when you’re saying insane things? I know you love me, I love you. I don’t have any other options than to fight with you for us.”

“I…” you wanted to fall on the asphalt and lie there dead. “I don’t love you anymore and that’s the problem. I have nothing else in me to give you.” you lied with closed eyes, pushing your fist onto the ground, making it hurt with the way asphalt bits got into your skin. 

“I don’t believe you. There’s no way.” 

“Jaehyun, don’t be a child. I don’t love you and that’s it. I couldn’t tell you in the face because I knew you’ll throw a scene. Let’s be grown up about it and let each other live. People break up, its normal.” 

“I… I…” his breathes were so heavy in your phone, they weighed you down closer to the asphalt. You could hear doors slamming and other movement. “Don’t fucking move, I’m going outside.” he said quickly and you realised what all those sounds were. You could hear the lock of their door and you hung up on him, running away like a stupid child. You were in fact a stupid idiot, at the end of the day. You walked inside a Seven Eleven around the corner, keeping your eyes on the door. The shop was pretty close and you could see Jaehyun run out of the building, looking around. He walked forward, moving his head around unstoppably, hiding from your view as he walked, making the shiver run down your spine. You were scared because you feared he’d pop out of somewhere behind you and will force you to talk with him. You didn’t realise you were holding your breath, barely breathing when your phone vibrated. 

from: Jaehyun 

“I’ll come to your place”

“we need a conversation”

to: Jaehyun

“No.” 

You almost hid your phone in your pocket, when you realised you could text him to calm him down. 

“I’ll text you later on and we’ll talk, okay?”

“I feel like we need time to process everything and chill out.” 

from: Jaehyun 

“okay”

You didn’t want to admit this was a lie. You didn’t want to admit this to him or you, but you knew you wouldn’t want to meet him ever again.  You knew it’ll be too painful to even feel his existence somewhere not far from you. 

You saw his figure walk back to the house and sighed relieved. He squatted suddenly in front of the house, hiding his face in his arms for a minute. You suddenly remembered how you pushed your hand into the ground, laying your eyes on your hurt knuckles.

*

You knew it would be too perfect if you’d just listen to him play, leave the cake and go back into embrace of your best friend. That’s why, when your phone vibrated and made the loud noise spread through the wall you didn’t feel too surprised. You knew something was meant to happen. You still gasped, quickly moving your feet to run away, but the sound of Jaehyun opening his door was too vivid to ignore. 

“Y/n.” he said softly and you stopped on your tracks. “I can see you, just in case you think you’re invisible.” he sighed when you just froze. 

“Yeah, I know.” you suddenly spoke back, turning around. 

Yeah, that’s exactly watch you feared. Seeing Jaehyun with his hair band, a sleeping t-shirt that was too big and too stretched out, making his skinny shoulders and collarbone visible to your tired eyes. His plaid baggy pants hiding from you his legs, thankfully. 

“I brought the cake for guys to eat later.” you pointed to break the silence and stop staring, when your eyes landed on the cake still being on the table, remembering how you wanted just to eat it and leave. You should’ve definitely opted for that decision, you sighed. “I’m sorry I bothered you… I’ll go.”

“Yeah.” he nodded and you hated it and was thankful at the same time he let you go so easily. Now, and five months ago, too. You turned your back at him, walking to the exit in peace. “You still owe me a conversation. We never spoke…” he paused and you turned around at him once again. You should’ve not jinxed it. “About us… and how we broke up and things.” 

“I… I remember.” you smiled awkwardly. 

“When will you be ready to talk to me?” he asked too politely and you almost burned on the spot. 

”I am.” you suddenly said and his eyes got wider. 

“Like, now…?”

“Yeah, let’s talk now if that’s what you want.”

“Okay.” he nodded but didn’t move. You stood there in front of him not moving too. “In my room? For people not to bother us?”

“Okay.” you nodded and he turned to walk back, waiting for you to catch up with him. 

He lead you in. The room, you have actually never been to it yet. Moving to a new place, you heard from Taeyong that they finally all got personal rooms, but it was the only information you got on their new living arrangement. “Fancy.” you smiled to yourself as you walked in. The room was more spacious and was his, which already was enough for it to be perfect in your eyes. 

“Thanks.” he replied making you realise you said it out loud. 

He sat on his bed and you sat next to him awkwardly, fixing your clothes on your stomach nonchalantly. 

“I’m sorry I eavesdropped. I heard you play that song and to be honest… I got a little angry… and walked to the door to tell you to stop.” you spoke as the room felt too quiet in a stupid way. 

“Why?”

“Because you shouldn’t think about me in any way.” you admitted. 

“That’s not something you could decide for me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s nothing.”

“No, I’m sorry for everything. For the mess I caused and spread all over your live.”

“At least you were honest, right?” he chuckled painfully. 

“Yeah… at least a great song came out of it, right…?” you raised your eyes to look at him and he caught your stare confused. “The solo stage at the concert? Isn’t it…? I’m sorry if it’s not and I put too much on my shoulders.”

“No… you’re right.” you shivered realising that all the references you made up in your head were actually completely correct. 

“It really is beautiful. Regardless, who it’s about.”

“It’s cheesy.”

“But you let the world see it anyway.”

“Because I had no other option.”

“No, because it’s good.” you smiled at him, making your lips go in a thin line. You hated how your conversation was turning into a weird battle of compliments towards Jaehyun. 

“This song doesn’t even matter.” he said and looked away from you once again. “I don’t even know what to start with.”

“I owe you so much explanation, I know.”

“So, you found out you’re pregnant, realised there wasn’t anything for me in you and broke up with me, got rid of the baby and that’s it for the history of us?”

“I don’t think I’m ready to speak about it like that.” your entire chest felt caged. 

“I can’t let you leave me for another five months. I’m in pain too. I still love you, I still think everyday about the fact you were pregnant with my baby. It wasn’t someone’s, I could’ve been a dad.” you hid your hand in the pocket of your hoodie. It helped you hold onto your stomach without Jaehyun noticing. “I need to hear you and I want to hear you. Four years, Y/n, four.” you closed your eyes hearing him speak, crying silently. I still love you too, you wanted to cry into his mouth. “I want to know what you knew about our baby, even if it’s not with us anymore, too.”

“I’m not a monster.” you whispered through tears. 

“I know, I know.” he quickly said, focusing his vision on your dropping tears. He didn’t dare to touch you and you were thankful. You couldn’t bare if he held you in his arms again. 

“I only did this for you. For you to still be here, not ruining your life because of me.” 

“How could being with you ruin my life? We were together for so long, yet you… Why did you decide this for me?” he kept his voice low, not getting worked up even if you wanted him to. 

“I… when I found out I was pregnant, I knew immediately that we can’t be parents. You’re an idol and I’m not strong enough to bare with being a mom when you’re not around.” his breathing got so heavy it almost was louder than your speaking. 

“I knew the moment I found out about the baby it all happened because of me.” 

“What?”

“I didn’t give you enough reassurance. I didn’t give you enough in general, to make you sure that I’ll take care of you and our baby. You ran away because I didn’t make you feel secure and I didn’t seem like a reliable guy for a dad, I know that.”

“That is so not true.”

“Please… just…” he spoke slowly but couldn’t seem to form a sentence. 

“I was weak and scared. It’s no one’s fault, not yours, I mean. I know you’re caring and attentive and always give your all.” 

“I was just always wondering if you broke up with me because you really didn’t love me, or because you found out you were pregnant and didn’t feel like I was right.” 

“It’s not that you weren’t right, Jaehyun, please. I didn’t want you to do something stupid for me, that’s it.” 

“But why did you get rid of the baby and me?” 

“I decided on abortion, but Taeyong said that you’ll hate me forever if you’ll find out I got rid of the baby without even telling you. I agreed, and later I realised I can’t do that at all. I’m not cruel to kill the baby in general, especially when the baby is yours. I wouldn’t be able to kill the baby of the man I loved. So I thought I’ll break up with you and that way you’ll get a chance to get over me and live your life how you should.” you suddenly spoke all the truth, instead of what you were rehearsing for the past months. 

“But then realised the baby was putting too much weight on you and decided against it?” he looked you in the eyes but you just stared back. You weren’t strong enough to talk with him about it. “When did you find out about the baby? When did it conceive?”

“I found out in the end of August. It’s due in  late April or May. I mean, it was due… I think I got pregnant when we went to Yangyang-gun. We were sleeping through the day and I didn’t take the pill and then… and then everything happened.”

“Yanyang is my favourite memory with you.” Jaehyun suddenly said and you couldn’t help but smile through tears. Yours was every single moment you spent right by his side.  “I’ve never been to Yangyang before… and I guess I won’t ever go there to keep things that way.”

“I said everything…” you concluded suddenly wishing to leave. You were slowly sinking into Jaehyun’s presence and it feared you to death. “I should probably go. I’m sorry.” you added another excuse quickly. You wanted to reminisce with him, but reminiscing would lead to even more pain. He didn’t speak back and you stood up, walking to the door. 

“Remember how everything started?” of course you did. “You were working at that shitty job. You’d ask me to come over every time you felt too pressured and stressed. I ran to you because I was so hopelessly in love with my friends best friends and I couldn’t tell anyone.” you could hear him get up and soundlessly walk towards you. His fingers landed on your shoulders and held softly. “Can I ask for a favour?” he whispered into your hair, leaning closer. You were frozen but realised you needed to give him an answer, so you gave him a nod. “Can you turn around?” his body moved a step back. You could feel it with the way his body heat left your back. Jaehyun’s fingers let go of your shoulders and you guessed he was expecting to see your face. You didn’t really want to see his face. And you didn’t want to really miss a chance to look at him up close, no matter what he’ll ask of you. You gulped and turned around, meeting his teary eyes with yours. You wondered who looked sadder out of you two: the one who was  left or the one that left. “Now… are you, happy?” you squeezed your eyes to not cry out loud in his face. No, you weren’t happy, and he didn’t need to ask it out loud, because it was too obvious for your own good. You didn’t notice how his hands suddenly got onto your cheeks, being too preoccupied to not choke on your tears. You didn’t need a second to guess what he wanted to do, but you still hoped he wouldn’t. 

He leaned in, quickly killing the space between you two and locked your lips with his. You wanted not to kiss him back, to be careful about it and not sink back in, placing your hand on his waist. You wanted to push him back but somewhere between your gasps and silent cries of his name into his mouth, your hand pushed his body closer to yours. It’s when one of his hands left your cheek and crawled down your side, under your hoodie and onto your stomach to touch your body once again, when he felt it. 

“You’re pregnant.” he gasped shocked. His hand froze onto the bump and you wondered when did you lose all of your senses. “You’re pregnant.” he said once again, as if finally realising what he had said. 

“I’m not.” you said and pushed his hand off you. 

“You are. Take your hoodie off.” 

“Jaehyun.” you raised your brows at him. 

“Take it off, you’re pregnant.” 

“You’re a maniac, calm down.” you chuckled nonchalantly. 

“You didn’t kill my baby.” his brain seemed to lose all of the connection it had with reality. “It’s there, it’s in you.” he dropped onto his knees making you squeeze into the wall. His hands pulled your clothes up without your consent and before you could tell him to collect himself he wrapped his hands over your very small bump. “Is it… okay? Why is it so small?”

“This can happen.” you gulped when his lips touched the skin of your stomach. You felt like you could slide down the wall this very moment. “It’s completely fine and healthy.” 

“Hi, baby.” he whispered and peppered kisses over your belly button. “She tried to hide away the fact you were existing.”

“Jaehyun.” you mumbled feeling yourself crying once again. He raised his eyes at you expecting of what you’d say. “It’s a girl.” your heart stopped beating and instead you could hear his heart beat so loudly and quickly. She kicked your stomach and Jaehyun’s face expressed something between death and ecstasy. 

“She feels that it’s her dad.” he smiled so purely you wanted to disappear. You couldn’t believe these were the things you took from him, the memories you took from the both of you were weighing heavily on your back.

“Maybe just because she feels I’m not well.” you tried to put him down on earth cruelly. 

“No, it’s because she wanted to see her dad.” 

“Jaehyun… I need to go.” you said when your phone vibrated once again. 

“You’re not going anywhere.” he got back up onto his feet. 

“I am… this… that you know now, it’s not meaning anything. We’re not back together all of a sudden.”

“It means everything to me. Let me do everything the way we should’ve in the first place.” his hand slid onto your palm, holding onto you tightly. 

“Let’s think this through, we both need time to think things through.” 

“I love you, you’re carrying my baby, what else is there to think through?”

“I need to think things through.” 

“You’re just running away from me, again.” 

“No, I’m not, Jaehyun-ah, I’m not.” you whispered and squeezed his hand back. 

“Promise we’ll be together again. Promise to her, that her parents will be together when it’s time for her to be born?”

“Don’t manipulate me.” you bit onto your lower lip, running your eyes over Jaehyun’s face. You could tell by a single look that he wasn’t thinking at all. Euphoria was the only thing he probably felt right now. “Didn’t you hate me? At least a little, when you found out about the baby?” 

“No, I couldn’t.” 

“Don’t lie.”

“I’m not lying. How could I hate you, when I’m the reason behind all those decisions?”

“I’ll go.” you sighed disappointed with his answers. You hated yourself even more now that it turned out he was hating on himself for your leaving. “I’m going to text you next week.. we’ll see, what we can do about all of this, okay?”

“Yeah.” he nodded and found a place on your stomach for his hand. “I’m going to really wait for this text, just so you know.” 

“I know.” you nodded, reassuring him and you that you were very aware of his feelings. 

You let him plant a kiss on your temple and forced him to separate from you, to allow you to exit his room and he stepped back, watching you go. 

Your eyes suddenly noticed Marks green hoodie and you picked it up, to take back downstairs. 

#jaehyn #Jaehyun smut #nct writers #Jaehyun angst #Jaehyun fluff #Jaehyun fanfiction #nct 127 #nct #nct 127 fanfiction #nct 127 smut #nct 127 angst #nct 127 fluff #nct fanfiction #nct fluff #nct smut #nct angst #jaehyun scenarios #Jaehyun imagines #jaehyun imagins #nct scenarios #nct 127 scenarios #nct 127 imagines #fanfiction #Jeong jaehyun #Jaehyun nct

[alanahsart-blog]

THE ECLIPSE 🌙 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! some writing about it under the cut :,]

THE ECLIPSE.

I watched through the glasses as the tiny sliver of sun grew smaller and smaller, flickering. Dani and I stood from our chairs-- it was cold, and time felt as though it were moving very fast. It felt like approaching the peak of a rollercoaster, blood drawn not from it's own closed system but from this cold and delighted well of excitement, of my brian struggling to catch up. I was desperate to drink in every small bit of everything that was happening around us. The Sun and the Moon-- the color of the light-- the color of the sky, the people around us, the birds. We stood up. I felt as though I needed to move. I forgot I was a person, teathered to the ground, and not the act of watching and the compulsion to move. I could only look through the glasses as that small scarlet sliver retreated. I was filming on my phone, trying to capture both-- swinging it wildly around. I wanted to look away at the world-- I wanted to watch it dissapear completely through the lens. I didn't know which thing to focus on. I needed everything to slow down so I could see it all. Distantly, I heard people cheer and scream-- "Oh my god," "There it goes!" 

The light dimmed and darkened like it was alive, a being settling over us in some silvery embrace. I had read before it was terrifying, it felt more like a hug. A cold hug that makes your stomach drop-- the embrace of some enormous, incomprehensible ghost. I could see it darken through the sliver of peripheral vision at tthe bottom of the glasses, just the grass. I was swinging my head around, or my hand-- it was still and fixed. 

When I took off the glasses it startled me how big the moon was-- this disk of sky, deep and dusky silver as the rest of it, darkest around the covered sun-- from which the white ring of the corona was a thin bright band, with light radiating from it like glowing, spun sugar or clouds. At the bottom of the focused ring was a red bead. At some point, it struck me that a star had appeared in the sky. I had not seen it appear, only realized, suddenly, that it was there.

We could not stop saying "Oh my god." We were standing. I wanted to dance, or run, or pace, or do something. I looked at Dani-- the light was dark and golden. It was warm. The air was cold. The sky was silver and the light was gold. I looked at Dani, the people around us. Everyone was standing and we we were all cast in warm, dark gold. I had a moment where I wanted to grab them, (vaguely, I saw other people grab onto each other. A couple wrapped their arms around each other as they looked up) but I didn't-- I wanted to move, but it was like my mind and body had been severed from each other. A spirit in it's first possesion-- unfamiliar with what it was to exist in meat. 

I stared at the eclipse, fumbled to take some pictures. Through the lens of the phone the eclipse is a foggy dot, across the universe, wrapped in cloth, buried at the bottom of the sea. It's nothing. A phone camera does worse than nothing-- it shows you an image which is so far from what it is to see it and burns that onto it's circutry when I knew it would be difficult to brand any sight so strongly onto my brain. I wanted to capture it, to drink it in because I knew my memory could not preserve the image of it all like I wanted-- and yet the pictures were worse. I shouldn't have wasted time on it. I spent so much time trying to take them when I should have been staring up. It was surely only seconds, but it was too long. Seconds were a fraction of what they were in daylight. I took pictures of us, quickly, tried to get the disk in frame. To tear myself away and find it in the backwards view of the camera felt so dangerous, like it would end any moment and I would not see it. Yet I couldn't stop myself from trying to capture it with some objective sense. Technology should capture the clearest picture. It lasted 3 minutes and I felt like it lasted 2 seconds. It should have lasted years. I tried to drink in everything I could and burn it to the surface of my mind like a brand: The silver sky. The thin white line with the glowing red bubble at the bottom. The cloudy, white corona. The edges of the sky organge like a chemical-burnt film photograph. The dark golden light and the blue silver sky. The single star. Nothing I looked at felt like it could last long enough, and I had precious moments to preserve it. I was clumsy. I wanted to live in it forever. 

I felt light, and dizzy-- I was shaking, and it felt like I was floating. I felt weak and fragile. I kept feeling chills, periodically-- not from the cold, at least not entirely from the cold. I know I looked away from the totality for far too long. However long it really was, it was too long. I felt so strongly that urge to move, to run, or dance. I've said this already, but it was persistent-- this deep compulsion to do something physical, that I couldn't pull my dreaming body to do. All we could say was "oh my god! oh my god!" Every time I looked back at that disk I felt that old plunge off the cliffside. The shock at the size of it. 

Something momentus is happening and all you can do is try to keep up, to accept it, like jumping from the bridge-trellis into the cool water of the river-- when your feet leave the edge and you plunge you have to drag along your mind with your body as it understands that this is happening and that's all there is and you can not stop it once it's started. You exist in this moment where forces greater than you are pulling you along, and their pulling you along is a special, beautiful, primordial terror and comfort wrapped up together. Its a feeling that bypasses the rational mind, the proccesses of thought. It's not fear and it's not comfort, but those are thethe closest neighbors I can name. All you can ever hope is to experiance these things, and understand them afterwards. If you could live in that moment forever maybe you could rationalize it. The movements of celestial bodies. Gravity. ("Oh my god!" Was all we could say to each other, exalting.) I was hyperventilating-- I could not stop breathless laughter, as if my body needed to remind itself it was alive and breathing. That all other rules by which life passes had not also ceased to be. It was exhaltation. While totality occured I felt like I could understand the compulsion for all of the past's rituals, spirtualizations, sacrafices, mythologies. What are god if not forces of nature. What are gods if not the laws by which the universe turns. What are gods if not an attempt to describe the sublime. What is an eclipse if not pure sublimity. Awe, the fear of being pulled along by forces outside your control, the wonder of everything looking wrong-- the organge edges of the sky where there was no setting sun to light it-- the steel sky and the dark, honeyed light. The darkness of the moon's shadow crouching down onto the world to swaddle us in a cold hug.  

There was a pain as it left, a sense of loss. As it left and I had to tear my eyes away because of that brighteness, I felt an accute sense sorrow, that desperate choking down regret of when something ends and you want to live in it forever. I felt-- touch starved. Grief. The embrace had pulled away and I knew I would not feel it again. It was over, and yet-- nothing was real, still. I could not look back at it as often as I had in anticipation of it's arrival-- because the retreating moon could only remind me that the unearthly wonder of that moment had passed.

Still, nothing feels real. The rest of the day doesn't feel like a weekday, and it doesn't feel like a weekend. It feels like a day completely separated from the continuity of time.

#my art #digital art #eclipse #solar eclipse

[widow-maximov]

Miscommunication

Pairing: Natasha x Fem Reader

Warning: Language, fluff, sexual suggestion, some angst.

Summary: Being younger in a relationship can always bring issues, but how will you deal with them is more important.

Word count: 4.5k

My requests are always open so feel more than welcome to pop in a suggestion for the next story :3

⸻⸻⋙☸⋘⸻⸻

Through out your whole life there was always this strange attraction to women, but not just any women; older women. You would always catch yourself looking at your female teachers rather than girls your age.

Obviously the good looking ones, not the old grandma's that would think they own the school. Nevertheless when you joined the Avengers, you were met with a lot of people who were a lot more older than you but you didn't really care.

For you age is a number and some of those numbers limit you to certain things but you didn't really care. Whilst joining the Avengers you felt like you fit in immediately, which was a big deal to you.

You absolutely loved missions, people blamed it on you being young and had so much energy but in reality, it was just you being you. You loved kicking ass, especially ass that deserved a good beating.

In a way, you and Natasha shared some similarities, the both of you wanted to save everyone and if anything went bad you partly blame yourself for not acting fast enough, that's why missions with you and Natasha always went smoothly.

That didn't go unnoticed by the redhead, she took an interest in you when she noticed how dedicated you were to everything you put your mind to. In a way it reminded her of herself and she knew she wanted to know more about you.

She wasn't much of a open person so she tried her best when it came to you, at first you were intimidated by the Russian but the more you spent your time around the team, the more you saw her relax, she would invite you to movie night when it was only her and Wanda and even went out of the way to train you which you took without hesitation.

Each training session was Natasha flooring you and you being distracted by her, your mind seems to be somewhere else but you were able to hide it around her. Just because you were distracted didn't mean you didn't get better, you could easily floor Bucky if you really tried which was a success for you.

Natasha took it upon herself to teach you a lot of things and how they were done, causing you to develop this feeling of always wanting to be around her.

The more you spend time with Natasha the stronger your feelings have gotten, to the point where the want to kiss her turned into the need. You wanted to distant yourself from her but you just couldn't, her smile, her laugh and the way she would gently touch you whenever she laughed so hard.

It wasn't possible for you to even distant yourself so you decided to face your fears of rejection which was new to you as you were always confident, but confessing your love to someone that could possible consider you as their child made you nervous and scared.

Taking a big breath, you knocked on her door and when she answered, you couldn't move as if you froze right there, causing the redhead to get up and open the door.

There she stood, in shorts, hair loose and a shirt "Are you okay?"

You nodded "Yeah... Can we talk?"

She eyed you first, trying to somehow read of you why you wanted to talk, she moved to the side to let you in, closing her door and facing you "What did you want to talk about?"

You gulped as she finally faced you, you knew this could go two ways, the rejection way or the okay way "I have something to confess to you"

She narrowed her eyes "Did you find someone else to watch movies with?"

You let out a nervous laugh and shook your head "No, no one can replace you"

She smiled proudly at your words "Well then what's this confession?"

You took a deep breath as your eyes locked with hers "I like you"

This time Natasha froze at your words and you stared at her terrified of her next words but there was no words coming from her causing panic to erupt from you.

"It's fine if you don't, I-I just felt like it would be best to tell you rather than distancing myself. You might like people your age and not like age gaps which is fine! I on the other hand don't mind age gap-"

She melted at the sight of you panicking, the way you ranted at the thought of Natasha not feeling the same, what she did next was surprising to you on so many levels.

She wasn't far from you, so she took couple steps which you didn't notice as you were rumbling, she grabbed your face and pulled it towards hers, your lips met hers.

Your body went into shock but the movement of her lips against yours pulled you out and you matched her lips pace, you were melting at her soft lips so when she pulled away, your eyes were still closed with minimum shock coursing through your body.

She laughed slightly which caused you to open your eyes "Found an easy way to shut you up"

You smiled "Does that mean you like me back?"

She nodded as she moved her hands from your face to your neck and your hands found it's way to her hips, pulling her closer "I'll need you to say it"

She rolled her eyes playfully "I like you too Y/n"

Your smile never disappeared as she continued "I don't care about the age gap either, I just care about the person you are"

She opened her mouth to say something but you kissed her this time, she smiled against the kiss and when you pulled away, you rested your forehead against hers, allowing the moment to sink into you.

And that's how you started to date Natasha, the people who the two of you decided to tell were more than accepting of your relationship which was important to you.

Some say you have a secret relationship but for you and Natasha only important people knew and that was enough.. Or well that's what you thought.

Natasha has never been a jealous type of person but when it came to you, some doubts have resurface, she never wanted to voice it to you but she always wanted to just shout from the roof tops that she loves you and that are you are hers.

But when you wanted to just tell close people, she respected you and decided to go along with it, even if it was harder to do so, she had to do it for you.

There were so many people always staring at you, trying to get your attention, flirting with you but you never cared because you had your eyes on Natasha and Natasha only.

You thought telling close people would be best to not cause trouble for the Russian, especially since you are younger this could cause conflict and you didn't want that.

There was some miscommunication between the two of you that neither knew about, causing doubt jealousy and worry. When the two of you were alone, everything was fine but as soon as you stepped out into crowds, all Natasha wanted to do was kiss you so hard that your head spins and mark you in front of everyone as hers.

Today the two of you planned to spend your whole day together, not leaving each others company and just spend this time watching any shows that you needed to catch up on but things changed unfortunately for the both.

You had your head resting on Natasha's chest as she played with your hair, you couldn't concentrate on the movie but how Natasha's fingers felt in your hair, the way she would curl your hair in her finger, letting shivers run down your spine.

Natasha on the other hand was focused on the movie that was playing, she didn't even notice the effect she had on you just by her fingers burying themselves into your hair.

You couldn't hold yourself back anymore, you moved your face more into her neck and when the Russian's attention was back on the TV, you attached your lips to her neck, working your way up to her sweet spot and sucking on it lightly.

Her attention shifted as quickly as it was on the TV "What are you doing?" Her voice was mere whisper as her eyes closed at the feeling of your lips against her soft neck.

You kissed up to her ear, slowly making sure to tease her just enough and whispered "I want you Natty"

Her eyes opened at your words, you always knew how to turn her on with just couple of words, she didn't waste anymore time as she straddled your hips and pinned your hands to either side of your head.

You had a slight grin across your lips as her eyes were consumed with lust "What do you want Y/n/n?"

The way her voice lowered when she asked you the question, you knew it was working so you smirked as you stared into her eyes "I want you to fuck me Natty"

That's all she needed, she smashed her lips against yours as her hands started to wondered over your body, trying to get underneath your shirt just to feel your skin against hers, letting your hands free getting tangled in her hair, pulling her even closer.

You moaned at the contact of her slightly cold hand against your stomach, which she used as an opportunity to stick her tongue to explore your mouth more.

As the kiss started to get more heated with you practically pulling off Natasha's shirt, but you were interrupted "Agent Romanoff, Everyone has been requested to Tony Stark's party tonight"

The advanced AI spoke, making the both of you jump, your breathing was heavy as Natasha muttered "We can skip.."

"Tony said no skipping as according to Mr Stark 'It's very important' that the whole team shows up" The AI spoke up again and this time leaving silence behind.

You sighed as you looked at Natasha's still closed eyes who was breathing heavily "We need to get ready.."

She shook her head as she reattached her lips to your neck "We have time, we can squeeze this in"

You bit your lip to suppress a moan, not wanting to fuel Natasha on, you gently pushed her "I take long to get ready and we still need to shower Tasha"

She groaned as she unglued herself from your neck, looking into your eyes this time "Why does this happen in moments like this.."

Your hands moved the hair our of Natasha's face, holding it in place to have a better view on her face "Lucky isn't on our side today"

You kissed her but she tried to deepen the kiss again, only for you to pull away "Natasha..."

Her hand travelled up and down your body, in places that only she knew would make you melt right underneath her, she remembered every little detail about your body which only made this more difficult to stop.

You were already melting but you knew that there were more important things to attend, so you flipped her so now she was below you, you smiled at her and pecked her lips as you gotten up, earning a groan from the Russian.

"You're starting to act like a grandma, get up and get ready"

She raised her head to look at you with her brows raised "I'm not a grandma!"

You chuckled at her defence "Well then get ready and meet me in my room"

She sighed as you walked out, heading to your room to get ready. By the time you finished showering, Natasha was already ready, she was just waiting until you gotten dressed so the both of you can walk to the party.

Dressing was the easy and the fastest for you, you were dressed as soon as you walked out of the bathroom, all you needed was Natasha to zip you up, which she did. You stood in front of the mirror with the redhead behind you.

"You look красивая (beautiful)" You always loved when Natasha spoke Russian to you, there was something about how it rolled off her tongue with ease that fascinated you.

"Ну ты выглядишь потрясающе (Well you look stunning)" You spoke as you turned around to face her.

She raised her eyebrows at you with shock "Since when do you speak Russian?"

You shrugged with a smile across your lips "I might've been taking lessons on the down low"

She smiled widely at you, she knew that it will be her favourite thing to hear now, the way it sounded made her stomach do flips just at the thought of you speaking Russian again.

She leaned down and planted a kiss, resting her forehead against yours, staring into your eyes, in this moment she wanted to tell you how much she loved you but it was stopping her.

Her doubt and fear was stopping her, she was afraid that you would leave her eventually for someone better than her, so she supressed those words as she pulled away "Let's go"

You forced a smile across your face as you linked your arm with hers and walked out of your room. When you gotten to the roof top, you parted away from Natasha and walked towards the team as they complimented you and were practically drooling.

Natasha hated that, she hated how much they drooled over you. She wasn't jealous of the attention you were getting, she was jealous of how they looked at you; As an opportunity to snatch you away from her.

She always avoided confrontation about her feelings, being afraid it would only drive you away, Natasha has been in relationships before but they never worked out, especially when she raised her concerns they called her crazy and things started to only go down hill from there.

She didn't want that, she would rather suffer in silence than lose you and watch you be happy with someone else. People say love is blinding, because it really is, she never managed to notice the things you would do for her.

Of course she noticed but she never really understood why, she was never treated with the same respect and concern as you were treating her. She loved that you tried to always act like you were older which she didn't mind, she just loved watching you try.

For you on the other hand, you felt like you would never be enough for the redhead, being a lot younger than her could cause some doubts in you as well.

She was a lot more mature and understood life a lot more better than you did, she went through much more than you and you were terrified you would never be as close to what she experience.

But even if you were scared, you always tried to catch it up with something, like learning more Russian to understand Natasha's past better, to someone it might seem small but to you it meant everything.

As you were amongst everyone, Bucky was really close to you, he placed his hand on your hip which Natasha observed from the bar and each time the grip on the glass she was drinking from tighten.

Clint made his way towards the Russian with caution as he looked in the way she was looking "What's making you want to strangle this glass Romanoff?"

She sighed as she let go of the glass and looked at Clint "I'm not sure what you are talking about"

He rolled his eyes "You can try fooling others but I know you" He looked towards you and how Bucky had his hand on your hip to pull you closer into him "Where is the Natasha who would've made her way towards him and nearly kill him on spot?"

She shrugged as she looked back at her glass to take a sip of whatever she was able to pour from the bar "Drowning in alcohol"

He laughed "Y/n changed you so much"

She looked at him as she narrowed her eyes which stopped his laughed "Okay, maybe not"

She sighed again "I just don't want to cause trouble"

He eyed her and then the situation you were in as he leaned on the bar "From what I can see, he is just holding her if he did anything Y/n didn't like, she would've pushed him away"

"That's not the issue here, its the fact that everyone wants her" Natasha finally huffed in annoyance.

"Why haven't you told everyone you're dating her?" He asked as he kept his eyes on you.

Natasha leaned back into her hand "I don't know if that's something she wants"

He looked at Natasha with brows raised "You didn't talk to her about this?"

Natasha shook her head to answer Clint "Why not?"

"I don't want to ruin this, you know my relationships always ended up in the trash" Natasha mumbled as she took a drink.

He shook his head at her "Y/n is different, you should talk to her Nat"

As time went on, you have shifted around the place, more people came to talk to you and you were having an okay time, you wanted Natasha to be by your side but she was just sitting by the bar.

You saw Wanda talking to Tony which you took as an opportunity to approach her, she was your best friend and you trusted her with your whole life unlike some people here.

"Wands, hey!" You greeted her as she pulled you into a hug when her eyes landed on you.

"Excuse me, I will go get something to drink" Tony excused himself as he made his way towards the bar.

"Y/n how are you?" She asked with a smile across her face.

"I'm okay but I wanted to ask you for a small favour.." You showed her with your fingers how small the favour was but she knew you well enough to expect something big.

Her smile dropped as she narrowed her eyes "What is it you want?"

You dramatically scoffed "Uh! It's nothing bad!"

"I just wanted you to read Natasha's mind and tell me why she is so upset"

Wanda's mouth hang open as she stared at you "Why don't you talk to her?"

"I know she won't tell me, I just want to know so I know how to fix whatever is upsetting her.."

"Pleaseee Wands" You begged her which usually worked on Wanda whenever you needed her help.

She sighed as she pitched her nose "Only this time Y/n"

You squeaked as you threw yourself at Wanda "Thank you thank you, I own you one"

"Okay okay, I need to breath" She spoke up as her voice changed a little from the squeeze you were giving her.

You let go of her as you closely watch her do her thing, it took seconds for her to come back as she stared at you blankly "What did you read?"

She shook her head "You two are so oblivious. She is jealous Y/n"

You knitted your brows together at Wanda's words "Why would she be jealous?"

"Because she has to watch as everyone flirts with you and she can't do anything about it" She spilled as you looked at you and rolled her eyes at your obliviousness.

She walked away from you when she noticed that you were trying to understand what she just said, you turned your body towards the bar as you started to make your way towards Natasha but you were stopped by Carol.

"Y/n! There you are, I was looking for you" She smiled from ear to ear.

"I actually need to talk to someone-" You tried to get out of her grasp but it was failed.

"You can do that after a game of spin the bottle!" She excitedly spoke to you as she dragged you towards where the team was gathering.

"Spin the bottle? We are teenagers again?" You laughed as you saw everyone gather around the bottle.

Natasha was dragged by Clint to at least be apart of something instead of sitting by the bar. Whenever it was your turn to kiss someone, the bottle either faced nothing or yourself.

You turned around with your back to the team as you hugged yourself and started to pretend to kiss yourself, making the team laugh, even Natasha cracked a smile at your act.

You turned back as you stared at the bottle "Okay, someone else try this because I feel like this bottle doesn't want me to kiss anyone"

Bucky laughed as he placed his hand on your shoulder "Okay, Carol you can go now"

She nodded as she bend down and span the bottle, it landed on Bruce, they both laughed and kissed and then returned to their places.

Bruce span the bottle as everyone watched carefully, it was close to landing on you but it landed on Bucky instead, you looked at Bucky with a laughter and he just rolled his eyes at you, they pecked each other lips as they both pulled a funny face after.

Bucky smirked as he bend down and span the bottle "Maybe you'll be lucky enough to land a kiss today Y/n"

You chuckled as you shook your head "That's not lucky, that's the opposite Bucky"

Natasha looked down as she smirked, she wanted to walk over to you and just kiss you for just saying that but she couldn't, you looked over at Natasha and saw the smirk which caused a small smile to spread across your lips.

The bottle landed on Thor who was next to him, you had a smug smile across your lips "See Bucky! You were lucky enough to earn a kiss from the god of thunder"

Everyone laughed, they kissed and it repeated until it was Steve's turn, he span the bottle as he watched the bottle spin, it landed on Natasha, you suppressed the feeling of doubt as you watched Steve make his way towards Natasha.

Everyone knew they had something between them and that included you to know as well, you wanted to stop them but it was as if something was stopping you.

Steve had a smirk across his lips "I think we are meant to be Romanoff"

Natasha was speechless, he leaned down and her eyes darted to you, the way you stared at them and before she could move, he kissed her. You cleared your throat as you looked anywhere but at the sight of your girlfriend being kissed by her ex.

He moved away from her and walked back to his place with a smug smile, he eyed every guy standing not really thinking Natasha could be into girls as well.

She wiped her mouth as she bend down and span the bottle, you watched the bottle and when it landed on Steve again, you excused yourself to the bathroom.

Even if it was a game and the kissing probably didn't mean anything to the Russian, it hurt you to watch Steve think he finally claimed Natasha. You expected Natasha to follow you but she didn't, so you took a deep breath, fix the makeup that ran down your face and walked back out there.

They weren't playing the game anymore as they scattered all over the party, so you made your way towards the bar, getting 2 shots and drinking them in one go without anything to chase it after.

You cleared your throat as you watched Natasha force a smile on her beautiful lips as Steve flirted with her, you knew how she felt and you weren't going to let this go on like this.

You ordered another shot for courage, you definitely needed it and watched as Steve pulled the redhead into him like she was his, you narrowed your eyes which was filled with determination as you marched over to him.

You cleared your throat which caused Steve to look over at you "Sorry Y/n but I'm not available right now" He looked back at Natasha with a smile.

You crossed your arms "Actually, I was going to tell you to drop your hands of Natasha"

He looked back at you with annoyance "Why?"

This caused the team's attention to be shifted towards the scene, Wanda smiled as she watch you finally do something about this miscommunication between you and Natasha.

"Could you step away so I can show you?" You asked him calmly as he dropped his hands from Natasha and took a step back.

You watched him before taking a deep breath and shifting your attention to the woman you love "What are you doing Y/n/n?"

"Y/n/n?" Steve questioned but was ignored as you sadly smiled at Natasha.

"What I should've done in the first place.."

Natasha was going to question you but you were faster, you took a step forward as you pulled her into you, just like you done many times before, and smashed your lips against hers, it was a gentle kiss something that happened often between the two of you.

Steve raised his brows at what was in front of him, Clint had a smirk across his lips and Wanda cheered you on as the rest just stood there shocked.

You pulled away as you looked over at Steve "Why Steve? Because Natasha is my girlfriend"

The redhead's eyes widen at your words as she had a smile across her lips, he backed away with his hands up and nodded as he walked away not wanting to argue.

You looked back at Natasha "I'm sorry Natty"

She was going to protest against your apology but you continued "I should've spoke with you about this decision before making one for the both of us. I didn't want to make you to be uncomfortable or cause trouble with the team"

Natasha shook her head "I'm sorry as well детка (baby) I didn't speak up about what I felt either, and you would never make me uncomfortable, I have the best time with you by my side"

You smiled at her words as you placed a little kiss on her lips, whilst everyone around you made cute sounds at the scene before them, you turned your head to look at them with practically tears in their eyes.

Natasha giggled quietly as she rested her head against the side of yours since your face was turned and she whispered "Plus you looked so hot when you get jealous"

You chuckled at her words as you felt the courage wear off but still having enough to say what you finally wanted to. You pulled away from her as you stared into her eyes, swallowing the fear down as she still had a smile spread across her lips.

"I love you Talia" You spilled it out as you had a glimpse of fear in your eyes.

This only fuel her smile to spread more widely at your words "I love you too Y/n/n"

She kissed you as you let out a sigh of relief and smiled at the touch of her lips, with everyone cheering it was only her to could feel and hear. Your heart beating one hundred miles per hour as she confirmed she felt the same, proving that no matter how old the both of you are, she still was just as afraid as you were....

⸻⸻⋙☸⋘⸻⸻

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[cloudenthusiast2]

To be a human - Scaramouche x reader - Part 7 (Final)

You knew committing to a relationship with Scaramouche would be no easy task but you loved him dearly and unlike others, you believed he wasn't evil. But as a mortal and the devoted protector of your village you were too much of a good person, too much of a human compared to him and your differences slowly start to show.

Previous: Part 6

Length: 4000 words

Trigger warnings: blood, mentions of loss

A. note: Scaramouche is my favourite character in the game and I really love him. But I couldn't help and feel awful when he said those words in Inazuma. Look, I don't think that Mihoyo is gonna let the huge opportunity slip and not make him playable (for which we need to have at least a tiny bit of friendship with him and well, right now mc straight up hates him) but in case that does happen, in case he doesn't get a redemption arc, I made one myself. I wrote this to redeem him in my own, and hopefully your eyes as well. I hope you enjoyed reading this story of that little bastard as much as I enjoyed writing it.

It was fair to say that Scaramouche was stunned by the sight of the local people.

Certainly not because he suddenly grew fond of them. It was rather because the way they appeared out of blue when little Yu gave them a sign. She let out three short whistles and the forest came to life in front of the harbinger.

Old men and woman, little children and whole families walked towards them. It was clear even for Scaramouche that they looked uneasy and hostile. They surely wouldn’t have appeared in front of the fatui if it wasn’t for Yu.

The sixth harbinger was astonished.

Because they would trust someone, especially a child so much.

Because there were so many of them.

He counted the people walking towards Yu. Way more than he’d thought there would be.

These people were injured, dirty and exhausted. But they were alive. And all because of one person.

‘Impressive’ he thought to himself.

Yu talked to them, explaining why the fatui was there and promising that they’re not in danger any more. The people seemed less at ease in his presence now but the harbinger still felt the piercing gazes. If looks could’ve killed he would have been dead in an instant.

He knew they all blamed him for the things that had happened. Maybe they even thought he was the one who made the abbys attack their village.

But Scaramouche got used to these types of glances during the years and he did not care about them any more. All that mattered was that they were able to help.

He stood behind little Yu who was still clinging onto her doll. Scaramouche stared at the bloodstains on the toy as she asked the people of Qingce to help find you.

The thought to promise them money crossed his mind but the instantly threw it away. He just somehow felt that it would be very wrong.

These people won’t help him because he can pay them. They won’t help because Yu asked them to either. They will help because you had been guarding them for years.

Mentioning your name caused them to stir up, to get loud and the all of a sudden the whole crowd was ready to go and search in the mountains.

It was obvious how much they loved and respected you. Maybe even more than Scaramouche used to, he realized.

Yu turned to him and nodded.

‘I think we can go now.’

‘How are you going to search everything?’ the harbinger asked as he crouched down to the child. It wasn’t needed since he wasn’t much taller than her but it felt like the right thing to do.

Yu’s eyes wandered to the hat. She reached out and gently touched it.

Scaramouche normally would’ve ended the person who messed with his hat but when the child did it, he somehow felt no urge to do so.

‘It’s because so many people are watching’ he explained to himself. But it still felt a bit weird not being annoyed.

He cleared his throat so Yu would focus on him again.

‘We know this place well’ she answered, letting her arms fall back to her side. ‘We will split up and warn each other if we find something.’

‘My people are out too.’

‘Then call them back.’

The harbinger glared at the child. She really was fearless, wasn’t she, huh. First touching his hat and now disrespecting the fatui.

‘You know…’ he crossed his brows as he began to speak but Yu quickly cut him off.

‘Everyone is afraid of them. And they’ll just be in the way. They don’t know the mountains, do they?’

Scaramouche clenched his teeth together. But he had to admit that the girl was right.

He stood up and walked towards the agents standing by a nearby bridge. They were there since the people appeared to make sure they don’t try to do anything to their harbinger.

He gestured to bring them closer then stood and crossed his arms.

‘First, I want to know how a big group of fatui agents were unable to find anyone when there was a whole village hiding in the forest’ he questioned them with a glare.

The agents were bowing already but now they bowed even deeper.

‘F-forgive us, our lord!’ a pyro agent answered. ‘They’re locals and we…’

‘Spare your apologies, I don’t care.’

Scaramouche closed his eyes for a moment and let out a sigh. He really didn’t care, he only snapped at them to let out a little frustration.

‘Call back everyone from the mountains. And let these people do what they want. Anyone who disturbs them in any way shall be punished.’

‘But my lord…’

‘Do as I say!’

Scaramouche turned his back to them and the agents hurried away. He watched as the people of Qingce split up and began their search in the forest, around the destroyed village.

He looked up to the mountains. Clouds hid the most of them, they were so huge, so high. And there were so many places you could be.

Was is it even possible that you were alive?

Scaramouche never lied to himself and this was the first time he wanted to. He simply just didn’t want to accept the small chances of finding you. He wanted to feel hope.

‘You better be alive, Y/n’ he muttered to himself. ‘For your own sake.’

For his sake.

*

‘Have you taken a look around in that cave too?’

‘I haven’t but I can go if…’

‘Stay.’

Scaramouche climbed to the cave and looked into the hole. It was smaller than it seemed from below and inside it there was absolutely nothing.

He quietly let himself down. He jumped on a bigger stone on the path under him, the bells violently jingling on his hat.

Little Yu asked nothing. It was obvious from the harbinger’s expression that he found nothing.

The air began to feel a little chilly in the mountains. The sun was getting ready to go down and let the moon take its place.

They’ve spent their whole day with searching. They’ve found absolutely nothing so far.

There were a lot of traces left behind the abbys order and the monsters. It was also clear that the fight continued outside of the village as well. Corpses of dead monsters bordered the narrow paths.

But your body was nowhere to be find.

Scaramouche looked up to the sky. The first star had already appeared. And with that, their last piece of hope started to slip away.

‘We haven’t looked there yet.’

The harbinger snapped out of his dark thoughts and glanced at the child in front of him. She pointed at a smaller mountain nearby.

‘That’s very far away from the village’ Scaramouche claimed. ‘We’d be just wasting our time.’

‘Then where do you want me to go?’ Yu asked.

The man let out a sigh. She was right, they’ve already looked through every bush and searched every rock on this mountain.

He started walking towards the other one without saying anything, and Yu silently followed him.

In the valley below them, lots of figures were moving and changing places. The locals still haven’t given up even though it was getting colder and darker with every passing moment.

A red dot appeared. Then another. They started lighting torches.

Scaramouche felt like choking. He touched his throat and fastened his steps.

He tried to banish the horrifying thoughts from his head but his desperate tries were unsuccessful.

You’re dead. They’re only going to find a cold body and not you. You’re dead and it is his fault.

He shook his head to quiet the voices and to get back into focusing on his search.

This made him realize that he hadn’t seen little Yu in a while. Scaramouche stopped and turned his head to check on the girl.

She was behind him a few meters away. Her movements were too slow to keep up with the harbinger’s.

‘Are you coming or not?’ The man growled at her. ‘Hurry up.’

‘Sorry…’ She was out of breath, quietly panting. ‘You can leave me behind. I know I’m just slowing you down.’

Scaramouche rose his brows at the young child who was not even tall enough to reach the ground from a bigger rock. Was she really that aware? What should he do now? Just leave her here? He was willing to do that, to be honest. The sun was about to completely disappear.

Yu grabbed the side of the rock. She let her feet down, trying to get down safely but she was too tired – the little girl stumbled and fell.

Scaramouche didn’t even realize he was reaching out – but a moment later he found himself holding the child in his own arms.

They stared at each other, the sixth Fatui Harbinger and the kid from Liyue. It was impossible to tell who was more surprised, the one holding or the one being held.

But it was the man who found his voice first.

‘Don’t think I’m gonna carry you like this to the other mountain.’

‘I didn’t think that’ she answered quietly.

Scaramouche cleared his throat and opened his lips. But before any other words could’ve come out of his mouth, a sharp whistle cut through the air.

They both jerked their heads up.

The sound was coming from below, south to the village.

The whistle was repeated – two short, two long ones.

‘They’ve found her’ Yu said.

*

Scaramouche had no memories of how he got down from the top of the mountain.

All he remembered was the crazy pace of his heartbeat. The darkness invading his head. That terrific feeling clenching his heart, incredible, deep fear he’s never experienced before.

There were many people standing in his way in front of a big cave. He pushed them away as he rushed to get closer.

It was dark. Everyone stood with a torch in their hands. He heard the whispers but the words were incomprehensiblenext to the loud beating of his own heart. There were figures but they were blurry, everything was blurry…

Until he saw you.

You were laying on the ground. Your body completely still, your chest not rising nor sinking. Your clothes torn, bloody.

There was so much blood.

He stumbled and fell on his knees in front of you. A local turned to him and spoke but he understood nothing. His hand was shaking as he reached out to touch you.

You were… cold.

He forgot how to breathe and just stared down at your body. Your messy hair hid your face and that just didn’t feel right.

Why was this happening?!

Everything was supposed to become alright after they’ve found you!

How dare you be dead, how dare you not wake up to his touch, to his wishes, to all wishes around you…!

‘Balladeer!’

He snapped out of the blurriness when someone grabbed his arm. An old lady with a serious look tried to pull him back.

‘Let go of me!’ he hissed, pushing her away. He groaned when the grip became stronger instead on his arm. Pain in his heart and body blinded him as he shouted. ‘I said, let go of me or else…’

‘Please stay out of the way of my people’ the lady asked in a calm tone. ‘She needs serious help.’

‘What help can you provide when she’s dead?!’ he screamed at her in a hoarse voice. ‘You stay away from her!’

‘Please calm down. Y/n is not dead… yet.’

Scaramouche slowly closed his eyes. The words echoed in his head.

She’s not dead. She’s not dead. She’s not dead. Yet.

He took a deep, shaking breath. The cold air in his lungs cooled him off a little.

You were alive. But also, only barely. He finally understood what that meant. But he couldn’t let himself feel any relief nor fear…

He was a harbinger, he was part of the Fatui under the rule of the almighty Tsaritsa. He was Scaramouche, the Balladeer who simply could not allow himself to show any vulnerability in front of mere mortals.

Even if it was about you.

Even if he wasn’t the same person any more.

‘Bring a healer’ he said in a lower tone.

‘We don’t have any vision bearers among us’ the lady answered. ‘But we’ll do everything to keep her alive.’

Scaramouche nodded and stood up. It took a lot of strength to tear his eyes from you but he forced himself to do it and turned around.

‘Alert my people and tell them to give you all that you need’ he told the locals as he fixed his hat. ‘Tents, medicine, food, everything.’

The people stood there in silence for a few seconds, not knowing whether to obey him. They only moved when the old lady from before thanked him. Then they finally set off towards the village.

Scaramouche wanted to turn back and take a glance at you one more time to make sure you’re really there and not just a hallucination. But suddenly little Yu appeared in his sight and that made him stay.

‘She’s alive’ the girl whispered. The mask she had worn so far finally broke and her expression was an expression of a little child. She seemed tired, sad and a little happy. ‘I’m so glad… Scara.’

The harbinger nodded and closed his eyes for a moment. His heart was still beating fast with fear but those heavy weights on his shoulders finally started getting lighter.

He felt something touching his hand and he opened his eyes to the sight of Yu holding onto him.

This type of physical connection was very far away from what Scaramouche would tolerate coming from a human but he felt way too tired to resist. He just let the little girl clench his pinkie and they both watched silently as some helpers grabbed your body and moved it to a safer place.

*

You felt like something that had been sitting on your chest for a while finally moved. Something even bigger, a huge, scary type of darkness slowly left your body.

It left you with the first breath you were aware of taking in a long time.

You let out a small sigh. And opened your eyes.

There was a fabric cover above you.

You were in a tent, safe and sound. Alive.

The first thing you noticed was the temperature. It was warm, welcoming and comforting. Lot of soft blankets covered your body which hurt badly but the pain was dim.

You tried to look around but your head was too heavy. You could barely tip your head to the side.

But the sight was worth it.

Your breath was taken away one more time. You just stared in silence and you could feel your eyes widen in shock.

‘You’re awake.’

Scaramouche closed the book he was reading and looked at you with a straight face.

‘Finally.’

He put the book down with a slow movement.

Mixed emotions invaded you. You fell from relief to happiness to fright in a span of a few seconds. You were alive and Scaramouche was here with you, but – why did he seem so distant? Was he still angry at you even after everything that had happened?

You almost let fear overrun you. Almost.

But your gaze fell on his hands and he couldn’t hide his true feelings from you any more. His hands were visibly trembling as he still held onto his book.

Little did you know he could have not read a single word written in the last couple of hours. He just sat there and watched over your sleep, not dozing off for even a second himself.

The shaking of his hands became even more obvious and he couldn’t hold himself back any more.

He moved closer and placed his trembling palms next to the sides of your body. He looked down on you from above and as you stared back at him, you could clearly see something that wasn’t there before.

The usual cold, emotionless blur was nowhere to be found in his dark eyes. Instead, there was pain. And a lot of it.

‘How dare you do this to me?’

During the years of your relationship, he’s grown to be comfortable in your presence but he never ever showed any signs of vulnerability in front of you and you just accepted that it’s probably never going to happen.

It was shocking, almost scary seeing him like this.

The desperate expression on his face softened and he let his head plop on your shoulders.

‘Scara’ you whispered. Your voice was hoarse and dry but it was your voice. You were able to speak.

The realization of how unlikely your survival was suddenly hit you and your eyes teared up.

‘Scara, I… I really thought I was gonna die…’

‘Then you’re stupid’ he answered, speaking into the blankets covering your shoulder. ‘You should know that you can’t die without my permission.’

You laughed through your tears. They streamed down on your face, straight into your ears. But even that felt so good. Crying was a sign of being alive from the very beginning of life and you never understood that so much than at that time.

‘Don’t… leave me ever again.’

You didn’t event think, the words just left your mouth.

‘Don’t worry.’ Scaramouche finally got himself together enough to sit up and at least pretend that he was alright. ‘You have successfully proved you’re not capable of taking after yourself so now I’m definitely stuck babysitting you till the rest of our lives.’

His movements said otherwise though. The way he caressed your cheek to dry the tears up showed that he’s not just stuck. He wantsto stay.

Just what kind of thinks did he go through in the past days? – the question occurred to you.

To think about it… why did he even come back? How did he hear what happened? And your people?! Were they safe?

So many questions echoed in your head and you couldn’t even put most of them into words that made sense. So opened your mouth and quietly asked:

‘What happened?’

‘I want to know the same’ he said. ‘What happened? How did you get so far away from the village? How are you alive in the first place?’

You thought back to the night. Pain stabbed you instantly and you had to close your eyes for a moment to calm it.

‘I don’t remember much. But I think the abbys wanted to take me with them. Is that… possible?’

‘I heard all kinds of things about them’ Scaramouche nodded. ‘It is very possible. Continue.’

‘There isn’t much to say… Obviously I tried to resist but there were too many of them. They probably realized I would be just a burden. I remember a mage knocking me out. But they didn’t kill me…’

‘Well, given your injuries, they must’ve thought there’s not a lot of time left for you. It really is a miracle that you’re alive.’ Scara stated. ‘And you were in that wet cave for an entire day too. You were nearly dead when we found you.’

‘We?’

You stared at him and your heartbeat dropped.

‘You mean…’

‘Yes’ he sighed. ‘That people of yours.’

He went silent for a moment then rolled his eyes.

‘They helped me out… I guess.’

‘So they’re all alive and safe?’ you asked and couldn’t help but laugh in relief. ‘That is so amazing! Thank you, Scara!’

‘Thank yourself, idiot’ he snorted. ‘You were the one who kept a whole abbys army away from them after all.’

The harbinger shook his head.

‘I hate that you were so reckless to do that… but I have to say I’m impressed. We should spar again sometimes.’

‘Aren’t you afraid you’re getting your ass kicked?’ you grinned.

‘I compliment you one time and you get this cocky?’ he crossed his eyebrows. ‘I have to put you back into your place, I see.’

You laughed and as you were finally strong enough to move a little, you grabbed his hand. He had to oppress his smile with force.

‘And how did you know… we were going to be attacked?’

The question made his task much easier. The harbinger’s face turned back to being serious once again.

‘I have my connections’ he answered briefly. ‘But you don’t have to worry, the fatui had nothing to do with the attack.’

‘I would never think that’ you rushed to make your words clear. ‘I just… hope that my people feel the same.’

Scara shrugged. Then averted his eyes as he thought of someone.

‘I don’t know about the others but there’s one person who clearly does.’

‘Who?’

‘That girl… Yu or whatever her name is.’

You stared at him in surprise. You’d never thought the day would come where he mentions a child and doesn’t frown. And to think that it’s Yu as well! Yu who was normally wary of strangers and such a gentle child…

Just what happened to him? – you asked yourself again.

You searched for answers in his eyes but it seemed like there were things that even this new type of Scaramouche, this more vulnerable and open one wouldn’t tell.

But it was alright. Maybe you didn’t need to know. You were just happy to be there and experience it yourself.

‘How is Yu?’ you asked.

‘Alright’ Scara muttered.

‘Her mother?’

‘Oh, her… Well…’

He hesitated for a moment and that was enough. Every good and warm feeling was instantly replaced by cold ones and you found yourself sitting up in dread.

‘Please tell me… She’s not…’

‘Hey, don’t sit up! Lie back right now!’

When you didn’t obey, Scaramouche pushed you back with his own hands. He was right, your body started aching terribly from moving and the physical pain almost outgrew the pain in your heart.

‘Is she…’

‘Yu’s fine. Don’t worry.’

‘No! I need to talk to her!’

‘You won’t.’

You clenched your teeth together in despair and Scara flinched. He saw himself in you when you did that. Earlier this day his expression was still this full of pain.

‘Scaramouche!’ you said, calling him by his first name which he suddenly realized, he hated more than that stupid nickname. ‘I will go and talk to her and you can’t stop me!’

‘I…’

‘Just think about everything you felt while I was missing! I know you don’t want me to go away again but you need to understand.’

‘All I’m trying…’

‘Maybe I really am cocky to think that it was painful to you but if I’m not and it really was, then just imagine that Yu feels like that too right now. And on top of that, she has no hope whatsoever. She knows that her mother is dead and there’s no…’

‘Oh, to Celestia, can you shut up for a moment?’ Scara interrupted you harshly. Then he frowned and quickly continued. ‘What I was about to say is that under no circumstances should you get up with these injuries. But you can talk to Yu.’

‘I can…?’

‘Yes, idiot. I’ll call her over.’

You stared at him in silence.

‘You’d… do that?’

‘Yes.’

‘So… you won’t mind if she stays with us?’

‘I guess not?’

‘Not even for a long time?’

‘I said no, stop asking these stupid questions.’

You were speechless and just gazed at him without saying anything for a long time.

You had mixed feelings about the Scara you woke up to so far. But this had finally convinced you that he really has changed into something better.

A slow smile formed on your lips. It grew bigger and bigger and it completely lit your face up.

‘You’re grinning like an idiot’ Scara claimed but nothing, not even his salty remarks could take away your happiness any more.

‘Scara, I really love you.’

‘You better do.’

He stood up and turned away as quickly as he could to try and hide the blush on his face. He knew if you saw that, you’d be teasing him about it till the rest of your lives together.

You were still grinning “like an idiot” as he was rushing to leave the tent. But even though he was in hurry, before he’d stepped out, he made sure to turn back and say:

‘I’ll be back.’

#I #NEED #TO #SLEEP #aaa #don't forget to comment;))))) #cloudenthusiast #genshin impact #scaramouche genshin #scaramouche x reader #scaramouche angst #scaramouche #genshin x reader #genshin #genshin impact x reader

[nastybuckybarnes]

Deep End  -  Six

Pairing: Dark!Steve Rogers X Reader

Summary: He’s back. After all your best efforts at getting away, he’s found you again. And this time, he’s not letting you go so easily. He’s determined to do whatever it takes to get you to be his. Forever.

Warnings: Dark Themes, Language, Angst, Fluff, Angst

Word Count: 4.6K

A/n: Okie dokie! I’ve got an epilogue planned but I like this. The epilogue will explain shit better but I've known that this would be the end since pretty much the beginning LMAO

Deep End Masterlist

THIS IS A DARK FIC WITH SEXUAL AND TRIGGERING CONTENT!!! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!! 18+ ONLY!!!

~*~

When Steve hears you stop struggling, stop fighting and stop crying, he’s nervous.

It’s been a while since he locked you up there, and he really should check on you soon, if only to make sure the baby’s okay after that stunt you pulled.

He pushes the door to the bedroom open, eyeing your figure carefully.

You look like you’re asleep. If he wasn't so attuned to your body, your heart and your breathing, he wouldn’t have noticed something’s wrong.

Your heart is beating rapidly, far faster than normal. And it’s weaker than usual.

Your breathing is shallow and strained, and your face is lacking its usual healthy glow.

He rushes to your side, tearing the rope from your wrists and touching your face carefully.

Your skin is hot to the touch, and he feels fear settle in his gut.

He doesn’t know what to do, how to help. He’s never really had to help you like this, the doctor’s always been nearby.

He grabs his phone, calling the doctor and pacing nervously.

“Sh-she’s burning up and her breathing is shallow.”

Steve's stomach drops as he listens to the doctor’s instructions, answers his questions and comes to the realization of why you’re like this.

He rolls you onto your left side, tears welling up in his eyes at how unresponsive you are.

The doctor hangs up after telling the super soldier that he’ll be there soon.

His heart is in his throat as he tries to undo the damage of his punishment, putting the evidence back in the box and kicking the rope under the bed.

You’re still unresponsive, heart weak, but your breath sounds a little less strained.

Monster. That’s what you called him. What Natasha called him and what Bucky’s asset called him.

Maybe you’re right.

But he wants you. He needs you. Giving you up would be giving up a piece of his soul and he’s not ready to do that yet.

~*~

The doctor informs him that both you and the baby are okay, but being on your back for so long was compressing a major vein supplying your baby with oxygenated blood. If he’d gotten there any later it might’ve been too late.

With strict instructions to keep you on your left side and make sure you stay hydrated, the doctor takes his leave.

He stays by your side, holding your hand tightly in both of his as he really comes to terms with the fact that it was entirely his fault. He almost killed you and your baby to prove a stupid point. To discourage you from doing the very same thing.

His heart is heavy in his chest as he listens to your heartbeat get stronger, to the baby’s heartbeat continue fluttering like a hummingbird’s.

Those two sounds bring him peace, if only temporarily.

Shattering his peace is the sound of the front door opening, followed by tiny little footsteps clomping up the stairs.

“Mommy! Mommy!”

Sarah.

Steve shoves himself to his feet and quickly leaves the room just as his daughter tries to enter.

“Sarah, mommy’s sleeping.” She frowns up at him and shakes her little blonde head.

“I need to talk to mommy!”

She walks around his legs only for him to scoop her up in his arms.

“She’s sleeping right now, honey.”

Sarah shakes her head angrily, beating her tiny fists against his shoulders.

“Let me go! I want mommy! Mommy!! Put me down!” She starts shrieking. Full-on screaming bloody murder right in his ear, and he loses his grip on the wriggling child.

She slides out of his arms and runs into the bedroom, climbing onto the bed and shaking your shoulder.

“Mommy?” She’s got little tears on her face, and they don’t cease when you don’t wake up.

“Why won’t mommy wake up?!” She looks up at Steve with terror written on her face and it shatters his heart in his chest.

“Sarah, mommy’s sick, okay? I had the doctor come over and he said that she needs to rest and when she wakes up we’re gonna need to make sure she’s got plenty of water, okay?”

Sarah’s big blue eyes are filled with tears and she shakes her head.

“I want mommy!”

She clings to your torso, crying against your shoulder in fear.

“Sarah, honey, mommy’s gonna be okay. You just gotta give her some space, okay? How about I set up a movie for you?” Sarah sniffles and slowly pulls away from you, looking at her father and shaking her head again.

“I want mommy! I hate you!”

Steve then realizes just how crucial you are. How important you are, not only to him but to his daughter as well.

Losing you would hurt so many people.

“Honey, you gotta give mommy and I some space, okay?”

He picks up the five-year-old, despite her quite literally kicking and screaming, and sets her down outside the bedroom.

He shuts the door quickly and locks it even faster.

Sarah stands outside, wailing her head off and pounding on the door with her tiny little fists.

She cries for you, over and over again, and it breaks Steve’s heart.

He’s brought back to what you said about him. About how this isn’t love.

He sits down at your side again, trying desperately to drown out the sound of his daughter crying outside as his thoughts overwhelm him.

He hasn’t been the nicest to you, that he’ll openly admit, and he makes mistakes probably more often than he doesn’t. But he loves you. He needs you.

Tears well up in his eyes and he lets out a shuddering breath.

He’ll make this right. He has to. Sarah deserves a mother, so does your unborn baby. And -though he may not deserve you- he needs you. The monster will be hard to fight, but losing you will be harder.

The damage he’s done might be irreversible, but he’s gonna do what he can to make things right, to give you a better life.

You don’t wake up for a few hours, but when you do you’re confused.

Your back aches and you feel a little dizzy as you remember what happened, how you got here.

Steve watches as you regain consciousness, confusion pulling your brows together before you slowly open your eyes.

“How’re you feeling?” He asks softly, rubbing his thumb across your knuckles soothingly.

You look up at him then drop your gaze to your belly, bringing your free hand down to rub it gently.

“Am I... are we okay?” He nods gently, tears in his eyes.

“I’m sorry, (Y/n). I was... I don’t know, trying to teach you a lesson. And all that did was hurt you. Hurt the baby. I wanted to show you that trying to hurt yourself and hurt the baby wouldn’t fly, but I ended up doing far more damage.”

You swallow hard and struggle to push yourself into a seated position, wincing at the throb in your head.

“The doctor said that you shouldn’t move too much, and try to stay on your left side when you sleep. I-I didn't know that sleeping on your back was bad.”

You take a deep breath and look up at him, waiting for the anger to take hold in his eyes but it never does.

“I’m sorry for hurting you. For scaring you and not trusting you. I... I lost you for so many years and now I have you back and... I don’t wanna lose you again. But everything I do to try and keep you close, make you mine... all it does is push you further away and I’m sorry.”

His apology takes you by surprise, and you eye him skeptically.

How are you supposed to know if he’s telling the truth?

He drags one of his hands down his face and for a moment you can truly see just how old Steve Rogers is.

The exhaustion of carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders finally shows in the lines near his eyes, the bags beneath them. But what really displays his age is his eyes. They’re so full of trauma and pain and weariness.

For the first time since waking up from the ice, Steve Rogers looks his age.

“I-I’m sorry, too,” you whisper, surprising him.

“I didn’t... I wasn’t thinking. I just... I wanted to punish you for what happened to Natasha. What you did. I wanted you to hurt but I just ended up hurting myself in the process.” You look down at your hands, trying to figure out how you want to phrase what you have to say.

“People argue, Steve. But what you do... it’s beyond that. We’re not... there are so many things wrong with what’s happening between us, what’s happened already, but I can’t leave. Sarah’s too attached and all I want for my little girl is to have a happy life. To have the happiness that was torn from me.”

Guilt settles on his chest, but he lets you continue speaking.

“I want my daughter to have a good life. I don’t want her to be afraid of-of people. The way I am. She loves you, and I know... I think you love her. You haven’t hurt her yet, and I hope it stays that way because at the rate we’re going, I'm not sure how much longer I’ll be able to do this.”

The pure fatigue on your face is more than enough explanation, but the idea of losing you is too much for him to bear.

“No, don’t say that. I’m gonna get better, okay? We-we were happy once. And we can do it again. I’ll be gentle and patient. I just... I need you, (Y/n). I need you a lot and the fact that you have such a tight hold over my every thought makes me angry. But I’m not gonna take it out on you anymore, okay?”

You let out a deep breath and eye him carefully.

“You’ve said that before.”

He thinks back to the time you spent in that cabin in the woods, where you turned his friends against him.

He has said that before, and look at where he is now.

“This time it’ll be different.”

You don’t have the energy to fight him. So if he’s gonna try, fine.

“Where’s Sarah?” You ask, hoping she’s still safely out with Morgan.

Steve’s face falls again and he stands up and opens the door to your bedroom.

Sarah sits crumpled in a ball, her cheeks covered in tears.

“Mommy!” She all but screams the word, launching to her feet.

Steve tries to take her hand but she yanks it away from him, shooting him a glare then running to the bed and climbing up beside you.

Your heart breaks when you see how sad she looks, and you hug her to your chest.

“It’s okay, baby. Mommy’s okay.” She sniffles and climbs onto your lap, climbing to you like her life depends on it.

You wonder what happened while you were unconscious, what Steve did to upset her so much, and your mind immediately goes to the worst.

You look at the man, your thoughts written plainly across your face, but he quickly shakes his head.

“No. I just told her she couldn’t come in. Not ‘till you woke up. She uh... she stayed right outside the door.”

You soothe your daughter, rocking her as much as you can manage with the pain rolling down your spine.

“It’s okay, baby. Mommy’s okay. Everything’s okay.” You hold her close to you, trying to calm her down while Steve looks on helplessly.

Although his daughter loves him, loves being here with him, nothing can compare to the bond that the two of you have.

The monster in him hates it. Hates that he’s not as close to his own daughter, blames you for it. But he pushes that part of himself down.

He made a promise. And this time he’s not gonna break it.

~

"Are you sure you’re okay with it?” He asks for the thousandth time.

You only shrug, fixing your hair in the mirror as the doorbell rings.

“It’s a little too late now, Steve. Besides, I don’t really care. Sarah’s gonna have fun and that’s all that matters.”

Your daughter took a few days to warm up to Steve again, but now that she has he’s not gonna risk anything changing that.

He takes one last look at you, at how pretty you look in your blue sundress, then leans forward and kisses your cheek.

“I love you, (Y/n). I can send them away.”

You take a deep breath and shake your head.

“Sarah’s excited. Besides, I wanna know what we’re having.”

You plaster on a forced smile and it breaks his heart, but he turns and heads downstairs to greet the guests.

Ever since you got hurt, he’s been nicer. Far gentler than he's ever been with you, and you’re not complaining.

Steve has the potential to be a good person, that much is obvious, but he chooses not to.

He hasn’t hurt you again, or even yelled at you. No, he’s been patient and understanding and it’s such a sharp contrast from who he was before.

You can hear him greeting the guests warmly, chatting on and on about this and that and whatever else.

Taking a deep breath to prepare yourself, you leave the faux safety of the bedroom and head down the stairs, smiling at your guests.

People that you’ve never seen before are in your house. Well, that’s not true. You’ve seen them on TV.

The Avengers are in your living room and kitchen, talking softly amongst themselves.

In the presence of these superheroes, you feel small. Weak. And you can’t fight the urge to find Steve as anxiety crawls up your spine.

He’s in the kitchen, talking animatedly with Tony Stark and Sam Wilson. Iron Man and Falcon.

He looks so at ease, his face split open with a laidback grin.

Sam’s eyes find yours and he says something to Steve, making the blond turn to you with a soft smile.

He waves you over and you obey, one hand resting delicately on your bump.

“Sam, Tony, this is my (Y/n). (Y/n), Sam and Tony.” You nod politely at them, sliding your clammy hand into Steve's nervously.

You haven’t been around this many people in a very long time.

“It’s nice to finally meet the woman who’s got Captain America so hooked! All he does is talk about you,” Sam says, a grin on his face.

You smile at him, looking up at Steve.

He nods encouragingly, smoothing his thumb over your knuckles to try and ease your anxiety.

“It’s nice to meet you, too. I, uh, I’ve heard a lot about you. About both of you.” Tony smiles looking down as someone tugs on his pant leg.

“Can I have a sleepover at Sarah’s house?!” Morgan asks excitedly, her little face full of glee.

“You’re gonna need to go ask your mother. You know she makes all the decisions.”

Tony’s gaze lifts to yours when his daughter runs to find her mom.

“Is it alright if she sleeps over tonight?”

Steve nods then looks at you.

“You alright with that?”

You’re not sure if it’s a real choice or a test, but you don’t want to find out.

“Of course. She’s always welcome here.”

Tony nods with a smile, then resumes whatever conversation they were having before you showed up.

You tune out what they’re saying, carefully rubbing over your stomach and poking at your baby whenever they decide to kick you.

“(Y/n)? Did you wanna help me set the food up outside?” Pepper’s voice breaks you from your trance, her hand coming to rest softly on your shoulder.

You look up at Steve, silently asking for permission, but he just leans down and presses a soft kiss to your lips and lets go of your hand.

You follow Pepper, setting up the table in the backyard silently for a while before she clears her throat.

“How are you feeling, (Y/n)? Sarah told us you were sick.”

You swallow hard and give her a tight smile.

“I’m feeling better. Tired all the time but this little devil is to blame for that.” You poke your belly only to be met with another kick.

Pepper nods, smiling at you.

“Are you excited?”

That question throws you for a loop.

Are you? Are you excited to have another baby?

You’re excited for Sarah to have a sibling. Excited to get to hold your baby and love your baby. But the reason why you’re having the baby in the first place? The father of your baby? No.

“Yeah, I am. A little nervous, too.”

She sits down by your garden, patting the seat next to her.

“You look tired, (Y/n). More tired than a mother should be. You’re wearing yourself thin.” You keep your lips sealed, not wanting to say anything that might make Steve mad.

She sighs and sets a gentle hand on your knee.

“I don’t know what your... relationship is with Steve, but I know you’re unhappy. He’s a good guy, deep down. But you need to take care of yourself, okay? Don’t work yourself to the breaking point because it’ll be even harder to build yourself back up. Especially with a brand new baby.”

You let out a shuddering breath and nod.

“It’s just hard. I’m trying but... it’s hard.”

As you talk softly with Pepper, Steve observes the two of you.

You look so sad, so defeated. He hates that he made you look like that.

“She’s unhappy, Steve.”

He turns to the voice, eyebrows raising.

“Wanda. I didn’t know if you’d make it.” He pulls her into a hug. “I heard about what happened in Westview... Wanda, I’m sorry. Are you okay?”

She sighs, pulling away with a sad smile.

“No. But I will be.” Her eyes travel back over to you for a moment, feeling the pain and the sorrow in your soul.

“Do you think she’ll ever be happy here? With me?” Wanda sighs, crossing her arms over her chest and closing her eyes, feeling your thoughts, your energy.

“It’s hard to tell. Right now she’s so... numb. Nothing but sadness and... hopelessness. Her spirit is crushed, Steve.” She reopens her eyes and turns to the blond.

“You can’t keep her here like this. It’s only a matter of time before she gets fed up and tries to do something drastic. Again.”

Steve knows. He fucking knows that. But he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do to lift your spirits.

He's given you more freedom, let you make more decisions for yourself. He’s been gentler with you, hasn't forced himself on you.

Not forcing himself on you isn’t something to gloat about, but given the history between the two of you, it’s something fairly major.

He just wants to keep you in his life. He needs to keep you in his life.

He turns to the young woman beside him, a thought bubbling into his mind.

“Could you... do something to make her happy? Make her enjoy her life here? Make her love me again?”

Wanda’s mouth curves down as she looks at you, watches you play with your daughter and Morgan.

“Steve, it’s not right.”

The blond lets out a pained breath, shaking his head desperately.

“I just want happiness, Wanda. Don’t I deserve it? Haven’t I suffered enough to deserve a happy ending?”

Wanda’s eyes glow red with sorrow as she’s reminded of her own happy ending that she had to give up.

She takes his hand and gives it a squeeze, dropping her gaze for a moment before looking over at his desperate blue eyes.

“We don’t always get what we deserve. It’s hard and it hurts, but we can't control everything. And at some point, we need to let go. No matter how hard it is or how much it hurts. We can’t hurt other people because of what we think we deserve.”

They both look back over to you, your own eyes already on the pair, but dropping as soon as you see them turn to you.

“I’m sorry, Steve. I can’t do that.”

Tears stab at his eyes and he huffs out a breath through his nose, turning on his heel and walking away from the party, from his friends.

His abrupt departure catches the attention of a few people, yourself included. Before you can get up and see what’s going on, Bucky’s on his feet and heading into the house.

The woman Steve was talking to makes her way over to you, smiling gently.

“Hi (Y/n). I’m Wanda.” You smile at her, eyes darting towards where Steve disappeared from then back to her.

Bucky re-emerges only a few moments later, shaking his head at Natasha when she gives him a quizzical look.

You turn to Wanda with a strained smile.

“Could you just watch Sarah for a minute? And make sure she has something to eat? The foods ready.” She nods, watching with sad eyes as you walk back into the house to see what’s wrong with Steve.

“Steve?” You call softly, looking around for him only to find him sitting on the couch in the living room, his face in his hands.

“Why can’t I have what I want?” His question catches you off guard and you move to stand in front of him.

He shakes his head sadly, pulling his hands off of his face to grab yours, holding them tightly.

His lips brush over your knuckles gently, before he presses the back of your hands against his forehead, dropping his gaze to the floor.

“This isn’t right.”

Your heart races in your chest, stomach tying in knots as you try to figure out what he’s talking about.

“What are you talking about? Is everything okay? Did... did I do something wrong?” Maybe you shouldn’t have talked to Pepper earlier. Maybe you should’ve just stayed quiet and smiled.

“I can’t keep you here.”

One sentence. Five words. Sixteen letters.

That’s all it takes to have your heart stuttering.

“What... what do you mean you can’t keep me here?” You try your hardest not to let your hopes get too high. Maybe he’s going to kill you. Maybe that’s what it is. It’s certainly something more up his alley than... the alternative.

He slowly raises his head, teary red eyes staring up into yours. 

“You know what I mean.”

You shake your head, needing to hear him say it himself.

“What are you saying, Steve?”

He lets out a heavy sigh and closes his eyes, the words hurting him but he needs to say them.

“You're free to go. You and Sarah.”

The breath gets knocked from your lungs, eyes wide as tears start to blossom. This is a trap. A test. It has to be. There’s no way...

“You’re letting us go?” You ask softly.

He sighs again, nodding as tears find their way down his cheeks.

“Yeah... I guess I am.”

You’re silent, staring at him and waiting for him to tell you it’s a joke, to punish you. But he doesn’t. No, instead he lets go of one of your hands and stands up, his chest almost brushing yours.

“You said I don’t love you... but I do. I love you. Or maybe I love the idea of you, I don’t know. But either way... I hate how sad you are. How sad and afraid I make you. You're free to go wherever you want.”

You’re practically hyperventilating.

After all this time, you never truly thought he’d ever let you go. That he’d have even a shred of decency left inside him.

He cups your hands together and carefully places something inside them, then turns and walks to the front door, grabbing his keys and leaving the house.

You stand silently, staring at the object in your hands until standing becomes too hard and you think you may throw up.

Then you sit down, silent tears trekking down your cheeks.

“(Y/n)?” You’re not sure how long you’ve been sitting on the couch, staring at your hands, but Natasha’s voice pulls you from your thoughts.

“(Y/n), are you okay? Where’s Steve?”

You stare up at her then look back down at the tiny, life-changing object in your hands.

“He let us go,” you whisper, your glossy eyes raising to hers again.

She looks half as shocked as you feel.

“What?”

You sniffle then wipe the tears off of your cheeks.

“He’s letting us go,” you repeat, pushing yourself to your feet and holding your bump.

“Really?” You nod, eyes finding the backyard through the kitchen window.

Sarah and Morgan are playing outside with Sam and Wanda.

“What are you gonna do?”

Your heart is so full of confusion, full of pain and hurt.

“I’m gonna go cut the cake, then have a talk with Sarah.” She nods, a small smile on her face.

She heads back outside and you take a few deep breaths, trying to calm down before you go out and face Steve’s friends.

You toy with the dainty thing he dropped in your hands before nodding to yourself.

This is what’s right. It’s the right choice for both of you.

You entertain his guests for a few more hours, not wanting to clue them into anything in case they disagree with your decision, with Steve’s.

Only after the presents are given and the cake is almost completely devoured do they finally start to leave.

Wanda helps you tidy up the backyard, writing her phone number down with a soft smile and a whispered ‘if you ever need a friend’.

Everyone bids you goodbye until only Bucky and Nat are left, the metal-armed soldier staring intently at your left hand before a smile spreads across his face.

He surprises you, pulling you into a gentle hug and nodding his head.

“Congratulations, (Y/n).” You’re not sure what he’s talking about, but for some reason, you don’t think it has anything to do with the baby shower.

They leave too, and then you’re virtually alone, Sarah and Morgan asleep upstairs.

After cleaning up every last inch of the house, you head upstairs to go to sleep.

Steve isn’t home until after midnight, long after he lets his tears run dry and his heart stop shattering. It just aches now. Hurts.

He let you go. He really did it.

Deep down he knew this would be the outcome. Either this or your death, but he never wanted to accept it. Refused to admit it to himself.

But seeing Wanda... after all that she’s been through... and she’s still standing strong.

He takes his shoes off and drops his keys on the kitchen counter, freezing in his tracks when he sees the covered plate of cake with his name written on it.

The batter is blue.

A boy.

He’s gonna have a son.

A son that he’ll never get to meet. He’s given you freedom, and he doubts you’ll let him be a part of your child’s life after all that he’s put you through.

He slowly makes his way upstairs, his heart hurting when he sees no sign of your things in the pristine house.

When he pushes open the bedroom door he freezes in his tracks.

There you are, sleeping in his bed. No bags are packed, nothing is out of place, and the dainty diamond ring sits on your finger.

You’ve made your choice, he realizes, his heart jumping for joy in his chest.

He sheds his clothes then climbs into bed with you, wrapping you up in his arms and sighing heavily.

Maybe Wanda was wrong.

Maybe he’ll get his happy ending after all.

#dark!steve #dark!steve x reader #dark!steve rogers #dark!steve x you #steve x reader dark fic #stucky x reader dark fic #Steve rogers x reader dark fic #Steve Rogers x reader #dark!Steve Rogers x reader #Steve X reader dark fic #dark fic #dark au #Steve X reader dark au

[shslrose]

SDR2 Boys React to You Flinching

Nagito, Gundham, and Fuyuhiko react to you thinking that they were going to hit you.

Nagito Komaeda

Arguments with Nagito are few and far between, something which you are incredibly grateful for. You cared for him deeply, and he felt the same way about you. After arriving on Jabberwock Island, the two of you spent almost all of your time together. Even after his outburst at the first trial, you stayed by his side.

But, ever since the Funhouse, Nagito had been acting strange. You noticed it immediately, but every time you tried to bring it up, he just brushed you off. You decided you would bring it up again today, so you walked up to his cottage and knocked on the door. Wordlessly, he let you in and closed the door behind you. As you entered, you couldn’t help but notice how tense he seemed; he moved around stiffly, as though something were troubling him.

“Nagito, I’m worried about you,” you said, standing behind him, with no way of reading his expression. “Did something happen in the Octagon-”

“I never asked you to worry about me.” His voice was cold. 

“...Nagito?” You asked, placing a hand on his shoulder and gently turning him towards you. He relaxed into your touch and turned to face you.

You looked into his eyes, and you found nothing but his pained stare aimed back at you. There was a sort of distance in his gaze, as though his mind was somewhere else entirely. Your hand slipped down to his arm as you tried to pull him closer and bring his attention back to the present. You had no way of knowing that right now, he was recalling the events of the Octagon.

Nagito held the Hope’s Peak Academy files in his hands. He turned the pages eagerly, but stopped dead in his tracks when he reached the end of the file and realised he never saw your profile.

Yours were the only one missing...

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He questioned you, his voice calm and unwavering. He closed his eyes as he awaited your response, noting that your hand still rested on his arm. “T-tell you?” You asked. “Tell you what..?”

“That you’re the traitor, obviously.” He opened his eyes then, and you could see a crazed look in his stare. It was almost as if hope and despair swirled within his light eyes.

“What?” You exclaimed, taken aback by the accusation. “I’m not the traitor!”

A sigh of what seemed like annoyance left his pale lips. In one swift movement, he raised his right hand, intending to swat you away from his left arm.

He watched as your body tensed up and you closed your eyes as though you were bracing yourself.

“Y/N… did you… did you think that I…?” His voice was hardly stronger than a whisper, and he couldn’t bring himself to finish the sentence.

A soft gasp left your lips. He sounded so hurt and a wave of guilt ran through you. You hadn’t meant to flinch, but when you saw him raise his hand, you just couldn’t help it. Overwhelmed by emotion, you felt tears well up in your eyes.

“I’m sorry,” you cried softly, squeezing your eyes shut in an attempt to stop your tears. You felt Nagito wrap his arms around you, enveloping you into a warm hug.

“No, I’m sorry,” he countered, pulling you close. “I was tricked by Monokuma, he removed your profile from the file to make me suspect you. I was trying to test you to see if you were the traitor, but I took it too far and accidentally scared you. I really am the worst…”

You understood now: Monokuma had made him think you were the traitor, causing him to act cold and distant. When he accused you of being the traitor, it was because he wanted to see your reaction so he could confirm or deny it, but then he had accidentally scared you. 

“It’s alright,” you reassured him, leaning further into his embrace. 

“Y/N, I swear, I’ll never hurt you.”

In that moment, you felt safe in his arms.

Gundham Tanaka

“Abandon your overdependence and complaints this instant,” Gundham muttered, rolling his eyes. “Those have no place in this world.”

You took a second to think back to how you had gotten to this point. You had come to Gundham’s dorm to spend some time with him, when you found one of Sonia’s fancy pens on his desk. After you brought it up to him, he admitted that he had been studying with her the night before, at which point the two of you had quickly fallen into an intense argument.

“Overdependence?!” You laughed bitterly. “You’re the one who can’t seem to do anything without that stupid princess by your side!”

“Y/N, I’ve already told you, she is but a mere friend!”

“Don’t lie to me!” you shout. “She’s in love with you, it’s obvious! She’s always flirting with you and you never tell her to stop!”

He sighed as he tried to find the right words, but none would come out. You scoffed and turned away from him. He watched as your hips sway as you began to storm out of the room.

“Y/N, you understand nothing at all!” he called out to you, growing less calm with each word. He took a few steps towards you, intending to prevent you from leaving. 

“Just stop!” You shouted, as you turned to face him. “I’m done with this, so don’t bother chasing me!”

He threw his hand up in an act of frustration, and you felt a sudden fear that he would strike you. Without thinking, you closed your eyes, letting a quiet gasp leave your lips as you braced yourself. Confusion spread throughout Gundham’s mind as he watched you flinch away from him. His expression quickly softened as he realised he had scared you.

You opened your eyes, and he could see tears welling up in them. 

“Y/N...” he said your name softly. There was a gentle kindness in his voice as he spoke to you. “Know this: I shall never harm you. Even if it is our destiny to clash, even if my devilish temper flares…”

You threw yourself into his arms then, allowing him to envelop you in a warm embrace. “I know,” you cried quietly against his chest. 

“I...I love you, Y/N.” He declared boldly, his face reddening as he did so. 

“..?!” You couldn’t help but gasp at his words.

“I love you, and only you,” Gundham affirmed as he held you in his arms.

“I love you too, Gundham.”

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu

It was nearly two in the morning, and your boyfriend, Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu, was still not home. He had left earlier that evening on some Yakuza business, saying he would be back before midnight, and so you grew more worried with each minute that passed. It was a dangerous, not to mention illegal, line of work, but he was dedicated to his family business. You couldn’t help but worry for his safety every time he left the house. 

You paced around your shared bedroom anxiously, a million thoughts racing through your mind. You were just beginning to consider calling his phone when you heard the doorknob turn.

Fuyuhiko walked in, and you let out a sigh of relief. You ran over to him, pulling into a hug.

“Fuyu~!” You exclaimed, making him blush at the use of the nickname. 

“I-I told you to stop calling me that..!” He scolded you, but you had a sneaking suspicion that he liked it. 

“I’m so glad you’re ok!” You admitted as you let go, releasing him from the embrace. You noticed that he smelled lightly of cherry blossoms.

“Tch, of course I’m okay,” he scoffed. “You didn’t need to wait up for me.”

“‘Of course I’m okay’?” You repeated back to him, narrowing your gaze as you did so. “What’s that supposed to mean? You said you’d be back by midnight and it’s nearly two in the-”

“Would you stop treating me like a damn kid!?” He spat angrily. “I said I’m fine, so just leave it alone.”

Even with you, he still had his outbursts sometimes. It’s late, you reasoned, he’s just tired or something.

“I’m not trying to treat you like a kid,” you tried to explain. “I was just worried about you, alright? You could have sent a text or something, I didn’t know if you were okay and I was starting to think something bad happened.”

“I never asked you to worry about me!” He snapped. “I’m not just some Yakuza, I’m the heir to my clan… I can take care of myself, so would you quit fucking worrying!”

“You’re not invincible, Fuyu!” You shouted, growing angrier. “I know that you’re strong, but that doesn’t mean everything is in your control!”

“So what, it’s in yours?!” He scoffed. “You obviously don’t think I can handle shit out there...You’re just like Peko, always treating me like a damn kid…!”

“Huh..?” You asked, confused. “Peko..what does she have to do with this?”

His eyes widened slightly at your question, and he quickly avoided it. “N-nothing! I was just.. Ugh, just forget it!”

“Okay.. look, I don’t want to argue with you,” you said softly, trying to diffuse the situation. “I’m just saying it’s hard for me when you just disappear without a text-”

“And what would a fucking text do?” He spat, ridiculing your suggestion without mercy. “What, tell you where to find my damn corpse? How fucking useless…Stop worrying all the damn time and just get over it!”

His words cut you deep, causing tears to well up in your eyes. You heard him let out a strained sigh. He raised his hand up to his head in an act of frustration. Your tears clouded your vision, and for a moment you thought he was going to strike you. Fear ran through your heart as you flinched and stumbled back a few steps, falling onto the bed behind you. 

“Y/N…? What the hell are you…?” His eyes widened with realization. “...! D-don’t tell me you… you thought I was going to…!”

You couldn’t even reply, the words choked up in your throat as tears rolled down your face. In an instant, he was kneeling in front of you.

“Y/N, I’m so fucking sorry,” he apologized profusely. “I...I..How could I have..fuck, I’m sorry.”

He sighed again before continuing, “It’s no excuse but… Peko got hurt tonight. She jumped in front of me, like I needed protecting or some shit… always treating me like a damn kid…”

“Is she alright?” You asked, immediately feeling concerned for his close friend.

“Yeah, she’s gonna be okay. The whole thing just had me on edge tonight, and I took it out on you.. That’s not okay, and I shouldn’t have yelled at you. And..I’m sorry for scaring you, I...I never want to make you worry like that again. I’ll work hard to earn your forgiveness, and your trust.”

“It’s alright, I forgive you,” You assured him that you forgave him, in order to repeat the events of the last time he kneeled during an apology (in which he ended up slitting his stomach). “I’m not scared of you.. It was just an instinct, I guess…”

“Still, I was wrong to yell at you like that,” he admitted, avoiding your gaze. 

“I told you, it's alright.” You assured him again, before giving him a teasing smile. “Now, will you finally come to bed with me, Fuyu~”

“I-I told you not to call me that, damnit!” His voice cracked slightly as he spoke, and his face was dusted pink. Still, he joined you, wrapping his arms around you as the two of you cuddled in bed.

----------

Read Part Two (Hajime, Kazuichi, and Izuru react to you flinching) here!

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a/n - thank you for reading this, oh and requests are open, so send some in!

#Nagito Komaeda #nagito komeada #danganronpa nagito #gundham tanaka #dr2 gundham #fuyuhiko kuzuryu #Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu #danganronpa imagines #danganronpa fuyuhiko #sdr2 nagito #nagito komeada x reader #nagito komaeda x reader #gundham x reader #gundham tanaka x reader #gundham tanaka imagine #fuyuhiko x reader #fuyuhiko x peko #sonia x gundham #souda x gundham #danganronpa 2

[valwentinefics]

Instincts - Helmut Zemo x F!Reader (omegaverse) 18+

Plot: Y/n, an unmated omega, forgets to get a refill of her suppressants, sending her into her heat while at work. Luckily for her notorious criminal and alpha Helmut Zemo is hiding out in the backroom. (Takes place after episode 4 of tfatws)

A/n: First of all I’m sorry, second of all I’m sorry, third of all, You’re welcome. This is my first time writing omegaverse so it’s probably not the best and I haven’t read an omegaverse fic in a hot minute. Sorry my smut is always so short, I really gotta work on that.

Warnings: smut, normal a/b/o things, possessive dirty talk, mentions of omegas being harmed, mentions of fear of being assaulted. (if i missed anything please let me know)

As an unmated omega, Y/n knew well of the dangers of the world. Everywhere she looked alphas lurked around looking for their own omega, a rare thing to have in this society. Although omegas were coveted and prized they were still at the bottom of the hierarchy and were expected to be subservient to whatever alpha marked them, a thought that terrified Y/n. Stories of alphas that harmed omegas were sickeningly common, and with everyone plastering on fake kindness in hopes to place their mark on her neck, Y/n was terrified she would end up a statistic.

Suppressants were Y/n’s saving grace, an illegal method to mask her true nature from the world and pose as a beta where she could live her life peacefully, something she could never do as an omega. If she were to get caught she could face serious time in a correctional facility built just for omegas to learn their place in the world, and so every day was filled with caution and fear.

“God I look like shit.” Y/n’s heavy eyes looked at her reflection in the bathroom mirror, the bags under her eyes deep and only looking worse due to the harsh fluorescent light buzzing away above her. The illegal suppressants had many side effects ranging from life threatening to mildly troublesome, but the one that affected Y/n most was the inability to fall asleep. Each night was spent tossing and turning, her body feeling restless. 

Sluggishly Y/n grabbed her concealer, dabbing it on beneath her eyes, her hands shaking with exhaustion. She finished with a sigh, running her hands through her hair to remove any major knots. She didn’t have the energy to fully go through her hair, not seeing the point. She was hidden as a beta anyways, no one would give her a second glance. Y/n opened the medicine cabinet, looking for the white box of suppressants, only to not find it anywhere. Her stomach sank as she realized she forgot to get her refill yesterday. It would be fine though, she hoped. She had gone without them before and hadn’t gone in heat, surely it would be the same thing this time, but for some reason there was a nagging feeling in her mind it wouldn’t be.

Y/n grabbed her perfume, spraying it on herself. The scent was cinnamon, similar to her natural scent as an omega, but it had the slight acrid scent of being a perfume. She hoped that would be enough to convince the alphas she passed by that she was just a beta wearing perfume. It wasn’t something she used often, only when her overtired brain didn’t remember to get the refill of her suppressants. 

“That's good enough, I hope.” Y/n mumbled to herself. She smoothed out her short sundress, the light flowy fabric ending at her mid thigh. It was her favourite dress, she felt and knew she looked cute in it. Y/n didn’t like to wear things like this often, she didn’t want the attention of anyone, but frankly she felt like shit and needed the joy looking nice brought her.

The walk to the flower shop had Y/n’s body feeling hot, however she assumed it was the warm weather, not wanting her paranoia to make her miss work. The flower shop she owned was Y/n’s only source of income and it wasn’t a bad one at that. It was common for alpha’s to come in and buy bouquets to give to the first omega they see on the streets in an attempt to woo them. That was another reason Y/n refused to accept her status as an omega. Every bit of romance was just disingenuous. Alpha’s only wanted to have the honour of being chosen by an omega, they didn’t care about who that omega was. However, Y/n was happy it paid her bills.

-

The day went by smoothly until closing time when Y/n turned off the open sign, the neon light no longer lighting up the darkening street outside. As she grabbed her keys to leave a sharp pain went through her abdomen, causing a gasp to escape her throat. She rested a hand on the painful area, eyes wide. She should have listened to her instincts, she should have stayed home, but she didn’t and now she was going into heat in her store. Y/n paced, her mind running at a hundred miles an hour as she tried to figure out what to do. She couldn’t go home, walking would be near impossible for her with her heat approaching fast. She would have to wait it through in her shop with no relief. 

“Oh fuck…” Y/n groaned in pain, leaning against the wall. She knew she had to find something to eat to get the strength to get through this. With shaky steps she headed to the back, her hand glued to her abdomen as if that would alleviate her pain. As she approached the door to the back room her blood went cold, her nose picking up the faint scent of an alpha through the thick door. 

She debated opening it. Her instincts were telling her to open it and get his help with the heat, her brain told her it could be dangerous. Eventually decided to confront him, to ask what he was doing and maybe for his help getting home if he didn’t seem too awful. With her keys clutched between her fingers just in case, she slowly opened the door, her body almost melting at the scent that wafted to her.

A man dressed in a long coat with a fur collar stared back at her with shock, the scent of pine trees wafting off of him. “Omega…?” He spoke with a Sokovian accented voice. It took Y/n a few moments before the identity of the dangerously handsome man registered in her mind. She had seen him on the news. He was Helmut Zemo, the man who almost single handedly destroyed the Avengers.

Y/n shook her head, forcing herself to concentrate. “You’re Helmut Zemo… What- what are you doing here?” She asked, fixing her posture to appear assertive and trying her best to resist the urge to submit right there. A mixture of fear and arousal was filling her body to the point where she thought she might explode.

“So you’ve heard about me?” He tilted his head slightly. “I needed a place to hide for a bit, I’ve been scoping this place out. You’re the owner, Y/n, correct?” Y/n gulped but nodded, worried about why he was hiding out. “That doesn’t matter right now. Why are you here? It’s not safe for an omega in heat to be out in public.” He scolded as if Y/n didn’t know that. It was odd, having the notorious criminal seem to care about her safety. She wondered what he was trying to achieve, if anything.

“It wasn’t my choice okay?” She snapped, a wave of pain washed over her and she slumped against the door frame with a groan. Zemo got up, moving to her quickly but stopping once Y/n had flinched, worried he was going to try something.

“You need to get home, where’s your car? I'll escort you there.” He said, his voice was strained and Y/n’s eyes couldn’t help but land on the growing bulge in his pants. He was going into a rut which explained his current caring and protective nature. Her mouth watered at the thought of having his cock in her mouth but she tore her eyes away, looking to the side to avoid him. 

“I don’t have a car… too expensive.” She groaned out, her breaths growing to pants as she started to overheat, fanning herself with her hand.

Zemo let out a staggered exhale, running his hand through his formerly perfectly done hair. “What’s your address? I’ll bring you there myself.” Y/n was impressed at the amount of self control this alpha had. Even as his rut was beginning he managed to stay calm and collected for the most part, but Y/n knew it was hard for him, sweat ran down his forehead as he strained to keep control.

Reluctantly Y/n told him her address knowing he was her best bet at getting home safely. A whimper escaped her throat as she felt her slick begin to drip down her thigh. She clenched her legs together, desire seeping into every part of her. She wanted the alpha’s knot more than anything she had ever wanted before. She could hardly focus on what Zemo was doing, not noticing he had draped his coat over her and picked her up until they were already out the door.

Zemo didn’t breathe as often as he needed while he walked, trying not to inhale Y/n’s scent as he moved at a quick pace, shooting piercing glares at every passerby that dared look their way. He felt protective over the little omega. His cock strained uncomfortably against his pants as his mind filled with thoughts of mating with her, but he pushed them back, not wanting to take advantage of her. Arriving at the apartment building he used her keys to unlock the door to the humble apartment, locating her room and placing her down on her bed. Y/n took off his coat and offered it back.

“You can keep the jacket for now, I’ll come back for it once you’re done with your heat.” He said, quickly turning around. Y/n’s hand shot out, grabbing his gloved hand.

“Please alpha, don't leave, help me.” She whimpered. Y/n didn’t know where that had come from, but she didn’t regret it, knowing it wasn’t just her heat talking. He was powerful, respectful, not to mention handsome. Everything a good mate should be, even though Y/n knew mating with a dangerous man like him was out of the question. Y/n found herself liking the man despite knowing what he had done and not knowing him long. She knew he would treat her well during her heat, if he accepted.

“Are you sure omega?” He asked, not facing her in fear that he would pounce on her as soon as he saw the desire in her eyes. 

“Yes alpha, please…” Y/n whimpered again, giving his hand a small tug. “I need you”

That was all he needed to lose control. Zemo turned around to face her, stalking to the bed as he removed his shirt, straddling Y/n’s warm needy body. Her smaller hands reached out, undoing his belt and palming Zemo’s cock through his pants. Y/n couldn’t help the filthy thoughts that flooded her mind, desire for the dangerous man’s knot consuming her.

Zemo let out a groan, taking off his pants and boxers, letting his painfully hard cock free. Y/n’s eyes were clouded with lust as she leaned forward, mouth open and ready to suck it. He tapped the side of her cheek with his cock, running his hand through her hair and gripping it.

 “No liebling, this is about you. I can wait for another time.” He let go of her hair and Y/n laid down, watching the alpha as he took off her panties and put her legs over his shoulders, running his cock slowly up and down her folds and coating itself in her slick, the tip teasing her as it came so close to going in. Y/n let out a little whine, letting him know she was growing impatient. “I apologize omega, it’s rude of me to tease.” He smirked before shoving himself all the way in easily.

Y/n’s toes curled as she let out a loud gasping moan, throwing her head back in pleasure as he began to thrust in and out of her, the position they were in allowing him to reach every part of her with ease. His hands ran up and down her waist as he let out a deep moan. Y/n’s eyes were locked on him as he fucked her deeply, causing her to let out a whimper of pleasure with every thrust.

“Look at you little omega, taking my cock so well.” He reached over to cup her cheek in his hand, rubbing circles into the soft flesh with his thumb. “Does it feel good?” His hand dropped from her cheek and began to rub her clit with just enough roughness to send her over the edge, a loud moan escaping her as she came.

“Yes, fuck! harder, please!” She said between moans, her hands tangling themselves in Zemo’s hair and gripping it as she panted.

Zemo moaned as he re-adjusted her legs on his shoulders, picking up the pace. “This pussy of yours, it’s mine now. I’ll fuck you through this heat and every heat you have next.” He growled, hitting Y/n’s sweet spot, making her cry out in ecstasy. 

Y/n felt warm inside at his words. Her pussy clenched around his cock as the stimulation from him rubbing her clit and pounding into her sent her over the edge again, panting as she came hard. He was good at making her feel good, and for once Y/n was glad she was an omega.

“Fuck, you feel so good clenched around me. Do you want my knot in you, little omega? Do you want me to fill you up with my cum?” He asked cockily, receiving a desperate whine from Y/n.

“Please, please, please!” She begged, the only thoughts filling her mind were those of need for his knot buried deep into her. 

“How can I refuse... when you’re asking so nicely, liebling.” He spoke between grunts. His thrusts slowly became more sloppy and deep and Y/n knew he was about to cum.

With one last deep thrust Zemo buried his cock all the way into Y/n’s pussy, his knot trapping the two together as he emptied his cum into Y/n. She felt so full in a good way, her breaths heavy with exhaustion as she internally frowned at the thought of Zemo pulling out of her. His knot alleviated the worst of her heat and as she laid there sore and sweaty, her now clearer mind had no regrets about what had happened. 

Zemo pulled out after a while, his knot going away. A smile danced on his lips as he saw the cum dripping out of her as he pulled out his cock. Y/n’s eyes fluttered closed as she moved to a more comfortable position on the bed. Zemo grabbed his jacket from the floor, dusting it off and draping it over the omega’s tired form. Hesitantly he hovered over her before pressing a soft kiss on the top of her head, deeply inhaling her scent. 

Not wanting to intrude any more, he got dressed and walked over to the couch, exhaustion filling his body as he slumped down onto it, closing his eyes with a smile. He could tell he would need all the rest he could get while he rode out the omega’s heat with her. He was so happy he decided to hide out at that flower shop.

-

Tags: @peculiar-monstar​ @lovelyzabrak-meadow​ @captainsherlockwinchester110283​

#a/b/o #omegaverse #zemo x reader #helmut zemo #helmut zemo x reader #baron zemo #baron zemo x reader #zemo #zemo smut

[sleephyjhs]

When You’re Expecting (Taehyung Headcanon)

pairing: taehyung x pregnant!reader

warnings: mention of fertility & pregnancy complications

note: i’ve been craving to write a bts x pregnancy series for a while so here we go !! if there’s a specific member you’d like to see next, shoot me an ask :)

m.list

FINDING OUT

even before finding out you were pregnant, you both had so much love for your child

there was nothing either of you could have wanted more than a baby

it was always at the forefront of your mind how much you wanted a little human of your own

it was approaching a year since you began trying seriously

a few false hopes and two miscarriages later, fertility drugs were looking to improve the chances of conceiving

the raging hormones which came with the drugs were all worth the positive test

early september - sickness had hung around your throat for days

headaches lasted longer than usual, and crying at the most mundane things had become an unwelcome habit

in the bathroom cabinet, you’d collected a small stockpile of electronic and stick pregnancy tests

one of them would eventually show positive, right?

taehyung sat on the bathroom tiles with you

waiting two minutes felt closer to waiting two months

he crossed his legs, bouncing his knees impatiently

your knees came to your chin; high hopes weighed heavily on your heart

the alarm set on his phone beeped quietly

your heartbeat rose suddenly to your throat

taehyung reached out for your hand as you turned to read the results

two blue lines - as clear as day

they became less clear as your eyes coated with thick, salty tears

he began to chuckle as his happiness trickled down his cheeks

“we did it baby! we’re gonna have a baby!” he whispered, choked up by his own anticipation

no words were left swirling in your mind

your jaw hung open as though the hinges were faulty

shakily, you lifted the electronic test to triple check

pregnant.

as you crashed into taehyung’s open arms, memories of the past loomed in your mind

it was only inevitable

a positive test was a familiar joy to you both

however this familiar joy had only ever been followed by crippling devastation

as much as you tried not to think about it, you couldn’t help but retain maternal caution

however, this time also felt different

taehyung’s spirit, your spirit - it was as though fate didn’t want to disappoint you any more

someone out there decided it was finally your time to grow a mini human to bring into the world

of course, no time was wasted in contacting the maternity clinic

seeing your baby on a screen was now a top priority

just to see their little head, maybe even hear their heartbeat

just to know they were okay

just to know you were keeping them cosy and safe, that’s all you needed

taehyung couldn’t hold his excitement

from leaving the house to reaching the hospital, his toothy grin never wiped from his cheeks

he never said anything at the time since his main focus was always on comforting you

but losing his babies near enough tore him apart

even when you tried to comfort him, taehyung restricted himself just to protect your wellbeing

of course, the worse had already crossed his mind

but it wouldn’t get the better of him

it couldn’t.

you soon learned you were already 6 weeks pregnant

the midwife had to point out where your little baby was hanging out; they were such a tiny thing after all

briefly, you took the opportunity to hear their heartbeat

it was faint over the machine, but fast

there really was a life within you.

“there’s something else, if you just look over here...” the midwife prompted, turning the monitor so you could grasp a better view

taehyung leaned slightly over your chest to peer closely at the smaller monochrome screen

with the mouse, she circled a second bean shaped figure

“the fertility drugs increase the chance of twins. looks like you guys got lucky!”

twins. you were having twins.

THE PREGNANCY

like with most pregnancies, you were advised to wait until the 12 week milestone to begin announcing your impending delivery

and even though he understood the importance of patience right now, taehyung could hardly contain his excitement

it didn’t help that a little bump had already begun to grow

keeping a secret was much more difficult when the evidence was near impossible to hide

already, taehyung spent early mornings talking to his little angels

telling them stories he seemingly made up on the spot

or even borrowing some from his own childhood

“you know they can’t hear you yet? it’s about 7 weeks until they’ll be able to, honey.”

“i know, i’m just practising for when they can.”

of course, you wouldn’t admit that you did the same when you were alone

you attended more midwife appointments than other expectant mothers might

the pair of you much preferred being on the safer side

in the car, when on a quieter, less congested road, taehyung often reached over to cradle your still-growing bump with a free hand

you slotted your fingertips between his for additional sappiness

“you two have so many people waiting for you here, hmm? many people are already so in love with you both. me and mummy included.”

on a sleepless night, you’d made a small pact with tae

it was a rash decision, but sincere nonetheless

“no matter what, they are always going to know how wanted they were. always.”

taehyung hardly needed reminding of this, but it was still a weight off your shoulders

as you tried to conceive, the pregnancy diet had already been implemented into your daily routines

however now that you were carrying two precious babies, there really would be no more ‘cheat’ days for you

no more extra half cups of coffee on slower mornings

although you usually took over the role of head chef in the house, taehyung dedicated extra effort into preparing you both healthy and yummy foods

sautéd rice with green vegetables and lean meat/tofu appeared to be his go-to

but you still opted to supervise just in case

finally being able to announce your pregnancy was another heavy weight lifted from your mind

the other members were over the moon for you both

particularly when they reminded themselves of the struggles you had experienced previously

and also remembering the utter devastation of their taehyung when he had to break it to them

all of them kept their eye out for little gifts and outfits

each week, taehyung came home with a new stack of pale rompers or neutral-tones teething toys

these babies would have the best uncles; at least that much you could be certain of

announcing your pregnancy on social media was a looming task, but one he was determined to pull off perfectly

for filler content between schedules, the members had been asked to film a 5 minute vlog of their daily life

well, what a perfect opportunity!

towards the end, taehyung made sure to include some shots of your now protruding bump overlaid with some more vintage camera settings

safe to say, that day you had broken the internet

love, congratulations and blessings poured in from every corner of the earth

a few comments complimenting how much pregnancy suited you touched you especially

self image is commonly effected by the progression of pregnancy, and you were no exception to that

although it was amazing how your body grew and made a little home for your tiny babies, it was still quite strange to see yourself changing so quickly

your favourite clothes didn’t fit around your doubled bump anymore

and your skin seemed to hate sharing nutrients with two extra people

but for the days where you struggled to love yourself, taehyung easily filled in the gaps for you

sneaking up behind you in the bathroom

(although the mirror kinda gave him away)

he’d wrap his arms around your just-moisturised bump and carefully rest his chin on your shoulder

“tell me all your worries honey.”

you gushed over how much you missed wearing your favourite jackets

and how strange it was to look at yourself in such a new and confusing way

“i know it’s normal, and i know i have to do it for them. but i guess it’s just weird - i don’t look like myself anymore”

he sighed and planted a kiss on a spot of bare skin

those small kisses still tickled you like they always had

“well, you definitely look different,”

you really hoped there was a second part to that sentence, mostly for tae’s own good

“but why does that have to be bad? not gonna lie, it actually kinda makes you hotter. maybe we should make babies more often!”

“make~?”

LABOUR AND DELIVERY

originally, you had wanted to try and stick to the natural route for as long as you could

but after a few contractions, that idea was immediately out of the window

to help steady yourself and wait out the pain, you held onto the kitchen island and swayed to your own pace

eventually, taehyung joined you

copying the same movements while timing your contractions

“they really must be desperate to come out, huh?”

“well do you think they could hurry it up a bit?!”

the pair of you had been prepared for this for over a month

the hospital bag was ready by the door with all of your essentials packed tightly inside

not forgetting the pots of instant ramen taehyung insisted he must bring in case of an emergency

just as he was readying to back out of the driveway, taehyung took a mental stock check of everything packed in the back

“do you think we have everything?”

“i love you but stop talking please.”

thankfully, he understood well that the sheer pain made you cranky

so long as he assured himself that it was ‘just the contractions’, he’d be just fine

as much as he couldn’t wait to announce he was about to become a father to everyone, he kept himself grounded when walking you to the maternity ward

one corridor in and you’d suggested that a wheelchair might be a better mode of transport

breathlessness and contractions didn’t sound like a favourable mix to you

the assessment of your fast dilation granted you an immediate spot in the labour ward

you’d picked this suite specially due to its expansive space

the option of a birthing pool was still available if you so needed it, but the mood lighting and access to aromatherapy was what attracted you to the room in the first place

a serene paradise for your angels to be born into

it was perfect

taehyung explored while you adjusted to your new surroundings

of course, it didn’t take him long to find the birthing ball

“what’s the difference between a yoga ball and a birthing ball?”

there obviously was none, but you took a few seconds to try and be smart with him

“well, sit on that and you might have a baby the size of a watermelon come out of you soon.”

taehyung cradled his torso and pulled a shocked expression, which was enough to make you giggle and cause another contraction

less than a few hours passed, and you had already attempted to scream the building down once or twice

“get these babies out of me. no i’m serious, i need them out.”

realising your deadpan expression, taehyung soon attended to you at the head of your bed

stroking your slightly sweaty head and patting a ice cold flannel on your clammy forehead

he braced himself for a crushing hand grip which came about sooner than he’d prepared for

you weren’t the biggest fan of commotion, and so being surrounded by nurses and doctors was close to being your worst nightmare

taehyung focused his voice into your ear, trying to minimise the tension coming from below your pelvis

his motivational words were broken up by short bursts of pushes

many of which were followed by a string of curse words which just slipped out

and then, there it was.

the first piercing cry belted across the room

a tear or two may have happened to slip from your eyes

finally the moment you’d waited for, nearly two years in the making, was here

the first of two, a little girl who already had a head full of the most luscious black hair

taehyung wanted to hold back his happy tears in order to show some kind of strength

but you and him both knew he’d never hold it back for long

within the space of 4 minutes, the second baby was born into the world.

but this time, there was no immediate cry

the whole world seemed to slow down in that moment as you waited

and waited

midwifes gathered around the new infant, looking for any kind of obstruction

but, soon enough, your son said his first hello to the world

#taehyung #kim taehyung #bts #bts taehyung #bts v #bangtan #bts reactions #bts imagines #bts one shot #bts drabble #bts headcanon #bts mtl #bts imagine #bts reaction #bts pregnancy #taehyung dad #taehyung x reader #taehyung x oc #taehyung pregnancy

[sweetchup]

Bi•valve

Noun

an aquatic mollusk that has a compressed body enclosed within a hinged shell, such as oysters, clams, mussels, and scallops.

AKA

The Most Common Seashell in the Ocean

————————

Vol. 2: Into the Deep // Ch. 10

Type: Poseidon x reader

Word Count: 3,500+

⚠️ Warning ⚠️: Mature Content

Masterlist

————————

“This is Triton’s schedule!?” You can’t help but shout out as you are handed the schedule from the butler. Astronomy, Literature, Human History, Mythology, Business, Sword Fighting, Seahorse Riding, The list seemed to go on and on. How could the boy think or even breathe with all of this on his mind?

“Thank you. That’s all for now.” You tell the butler with a sigh as you put the sheet down on the desk, right next to the other stacks of paperwork you had yet to deal with.

It’s been 3 weeks, 3 long and grueling weeks, since your meeting with Scylla. During that time, you have been busy. Not only from etiquette classes and paperwork but also with managing your survival plan.

Yes, a survival plan. You, at first, didn’t want a survival plan—it just didn’t seem that useful—But, after meeting Scylla and learning more, you decided one was absolutely crucial. After all, even in your protected manor, Amphitrite was still a huge threat. Not only just to you either.

With the butler now long gone, you reach down to the last draw of your desk and pull out a couple of sheets of paper. Pieces of paper that laid a simple rough draft of the plan.

So far, you had a Plan A and a Plan B.

Plan A seemed simple. It was to get Amphitrite kicked out of the palace but that was far from as simple it seemed. You thought Poseidon would be rushing to divorce the woman, He hated her after all, But he wasn’t. Working at snail pace was more like it.

“…It seems he needs some sort of push to get her out…” You mumble to yourself as you update a couple of things on the paper. It seemed you would have to come back to this plan later. “…Perhaps I should learn more about Poseidon….”

You quickly shake that idea out of your head. Not a chance. You felt bad for the guy but you weren’t about to become all buddy buddy with him just yet.

“Now as for Plan B…”

Plan B was a lot harder. Plan B was to get Poseidon and Triton to actually have a decent father-son relationship. You, at first, tried having Triton’s schedule free for the past three weeks in hopes Poseidon would stop by. Perhaps to check up on the child now that Amphitrite is gone. But, that was again a wrong guess on your part.

“What to do… I have to at least put one of these plans in soon. It’s not like I can continue ignoring the elephant in the room.” You groan to yourself as you lean back in the chair. On top of your survival plans not working, you had recently discovered that Hermes—who was stopping by a lot—was secretly relaying information to Zeus and the other gods. It seemed they were checking in to see how your progress with seducing Poseidon was going. “I have to kick out Amphitrite sooooon if I want to save myself from facing Zeus’ wrath or, much worse, getting married to Poseidon.”

As you whine to yourself at your bad luck, you miss the door opening as someone sneakily slips in.

“What to do… what to do…” You whine to yourself as you massage your temples, “I have to figure this out soon or—“

Instantaneously, you are cut off as something comes jumping up onto your stomach. Almost knocking you off your chair.

“Huh?” You choke out as you see the familiar head of gold leaning against your chest. His body is smooshed against you as he sits on your lap. Seeming to try to get as close as possible to you, “T-Triton?”

At your call, Triton’s head lifts up to look at you.

“Hello mom!” He says with a smile. A smile that seemed to instantly brighten up the room and your mood. Your depressing thoughts now long forgotten.

However, like everything in the world, things can’t last forever.

“Whatcha looking at mom?” Triton asks as he leans towards the desk to take a look, bringing you back to reality. Casually, well to the best of your ability, you grab a couple of papers and cover them just enough so that Triton couldn’t read them.

“Oh, just paperwork, Triton.”

Surprisingly, Triton seems to perk up at that, “Like what? I bet I can help. Is it finances? Party planning? Invitations? Wages? Fa—“

Quickly, you cut the boy off. “It’s fine, Triton. I don’t need help. Why don’t you go play instead? It looks like a nice day out.”

You are surprised at how Triton lets out a loud huff. Seeming displeased with your suggestion. Unsure of what to do, you sit there frozen. Was it something you said?

“It’s…” Triton mumbles under his breath, the rest of the sentence he mumbles you can’t hear, and you are forced to ask him to repeat. He seems to pause for a moment, seeming hesitant to repeat before finally doing so, “It’s not the same without you….”

“Oh, Triton…” You cood out as you rub the boy’s head, trying to console the boy. A pit of guilt settled in your stomach as you remember that you haven’t spent a lot of time with the boy recently. Especially with being busy and all. “Well…”

You pause as you take a look at the giant stack of paperwork. Could you even leave in the first place with all these things that still need to be done?

If only there was a way to spend time with Triton and get some of the work done at the same time…

As you scan the desk and room for ideas, it suddenly hits you.

“Well. How about you and I pick out your lesson plans?” You suggest to the boy as you reach across the desk and pick up the schedule. The giant scroll-like paper slightly unravels as you loosely hold it in a singular hand.

“Lesson plans?” Triton asks confused as he tilts his head slightly to the side. “Wouldn’t it just be the same as it was before?”

“Not a chance!” You accidentally shout out before catching yourself. Shit, you didn’t mean to raise your voice like that. “This is too much for a boy your age, even if you are god. We need to pick out a balanced schedule that gives you lessons to learn AND enough time to play or relax.”

“So I get to choose…?”

“Pretty much. I mean you would still need to take some classes that you wouldn’t like as some are needed to help you learn as a god. But, if there’s any unneeded classes we will just scrap it.”

.

..

…

“Aren't they all needed…?”

At Triton’s confusion, you can’t help but let out a sigh. Looks like there’s still a lot of work to go with helping this boy act and be happy like a kid his age.

“Not exactly. Here.” You grab onto Triton and lift the boy with you as you stand. “It's better to show you what I mean. Let’s go to each of the classes and pick them off one by one.”

“Ok!” Triton exclaims. His eyes wide and sparkly as he holds onto you, just happy to spend some time with you. Precious boy…

As you walk towards the door to leave, you can’t help but note that Triton felt lighter than usual. Had he possibly lost weight since he arrived? You did notice Triton had smaller portions of food compared to you at meal times. That wasn’t good for a growing boy…

“Seems like I’ll have to pay the chef and cooking staff a visit later…”

—.—.—.—.—

What a nice day, you can’t help but note as you stare up into the sea. Sea turtles and rays swimming high above as they make their way to their destinations.

You were currently standing in the empty grass field between the three manors. The same place you met Poseidon on the night you snuck out to find Triton.

Quickly, as the memory comes to mind, you shake it out of your head. That wasn’t important to you right now and that was because of one simple fact.

Today was Triton’s first day back at lessons. It had taken a lot of work and negotiation but you got the boy a healthy and balanced schedule. You honestly gave yourself a pat on the back once you were finished.

Though, on top of the schedule, you also pulled off another impossible stunt for yourself.

“Mom!”

You spin around as Triton comes sprinting over, books in his hands from his History lesson that just completed. You should tell the boy to slow down but you can’t find it in you to do so. Instead, kneeling down and opening your arms for the boy to jump into.

“Oof—“ You squeak out as you catch Triton, accidentally falling over on your back as you do so. You let out a loud laugh, too happy to even care that you embarrassingly fell over in front of some of the servants that travelled from manor to manor.

Triton didn’t seem to care either as his books were astrew all over the sea grass.

“I was so excited for our first lesson today, mom! It was so hard sitting still in the other classes.” Triton shouts out excitedly as he finally lifts himself off of you, allowing you to sit up.

That’s right. The impossible feat you did. You got your own taught class to be placed into Triton’s Schedule.

You called it “Humanity 101” but, in reality…

“Could we try playing kickball today? I saw a lot of human kids playing it down the street when I stayed at your place.” Triton asks excitedly as he looks through the bag of goodies you brought out.

…It was honestly just an excuse for you and Triton to spend time together with your ever so busy schedule.

“Of course we can play!”

Kickball… Soccer.. Board games… The days seem to fly by as you and Triton do your “classes” and before you know it a week has already gone by. Life is brighter during these days to the point that even the ever so plentiful paperwork doesn’t bother you. But, as you’ve learned in your time staying here many, many times, nothing is forever.

“S-Shit…” You mumble out anxiously under your breath as you attempt to distract yourself with the kickball in your hands. You were in the field yet again waiting for Triton to get out of class. The boy had mentioned yesterday as you walked him to sword practice that he wanted to play a simple game of catch for class the next day. But…

What in the world was this guy doing here?

Hesitantly, you shift your gaze over to Poseidon who stood a couple of feet away on the sidewalk. At first when you saw the male, you thought nothing of it. After all, he seemed to be passing through the area with a group of his attendees.

So, why did he stop? You can’t help but think as you quickly shift your gaze away from the male and back down towards the ground. You just didn’t understand why he dismissed his attendees and chose to stand there and watch you.

Well, he technically wasn’t watching you—His gaze was up to the sky—But, there was no doubt in your mind the guy stayed back for you. Could he perhaps be stalkin—

“Mom!”

Just in time.

You let out a sigh of relief as Triton came running over, just getting out of class. He seems to pick up on Poseidon’s presence, staring at his father for a little bit as he walks over, but chooses not to pay it too much attention. Instead, continuing to run up to you.

“Hello Triton—“ You freeze for a second as a shiver goes up your spine. What the hell? What was this nasty feeling… It felt like you had just been thrown in some sort of ice bath.

As you spin around to see what was causing you to feel this way, you almost instantly figure out why. Poseidon was now staring down at his phone, seeming to have gotten a text message or something, and you could tell he wasn’t in the brightest mood from it either. You could practically feel the blood lust from where you were standing.

“You better not take it out on me…” You grumble underneath your breath, instantly regretting it as Poseidon’s gaze shifts up to glare at you. He couldn’t have heard you… right?

However, you weren’t take any chances this time and turned your attention to Triton. Trying to make it seem that Poseidon accidentally heard something.

“Now. Why don’t we get started? I’ll stand about a few feet away and you—“ Your voice trails off at the end as you stare down at your hands. Your empty hands. Where did the kickball go? You just had it— “Ack!”

You couldn’t believe your eyes as you looked, a gasp, at the kickball that was held… in Poseidon’s hands. How did that fucker…

Actually, never mind, you should have realized before that Poseidon was clearly fast as he was not only a god but also, right in front of you, leaped a large distance to stop that jellyfish that tried to kill you.

“Mom, Are we going to play?” Triton blinks innocently up at you, pure puppy eyes that awaited the game of catch that he wanted to play. Shit, you can’t just allow Poseidon to keep the ball now.

“I-I’ll be right back.” You anxiously tell the Triton as you leave his side. Making your way over to Poseidon. You honestly felt like you were the sacrificial lamb approaching the big bad bully of the playground. Except this time, Poseidon wasn’t just a bully picking on you but an all powerful god that could literally snap you in half with his pinky if he so pleased.

“H-He—“ You don’t even get past the greeting to Poseidon before he grabs the back of your head. Holding you still with one hand and the Kickball in the other, Poseidon started to practically curse you out with god knows what. Honestly, it was just a spew of curses along with your name and other things.

However, across the field, what seemed terrifying to you was way different to someone else.

As Triton observes the scene in front of him, he gets even more confused. In Triton’s point of view, he didn’t pick up on your nervous clammy hands or anxious shifting as being something from Poseidon’s glare. He honestly didn’t even pick up on the fact his father was glaring, he just thought that it was his usual stare.

To him, it looked like you two were chatting as his father held the back of your head. Seeming to tease you as he held the stolen kickball away in his other. But… his father doesn’t tease. He doesn’t even joke around. So, what was going on?

Staring… Clammy Hands… Nervousness… Physical Touch…

Triton lets out a small gasp as a thought hits him. It can’t be true, Triton couldn’t believe it.

His mom and father…

were in love.

He didn’t want to believe it but the evidence was all there. If watching any of those cheesy romance movies taught him anything, it was to identify the signs of falling in love.

At any minute, they look like they could possibly ki…

Triton’s face blushes up at the thought. He just couldn’t believe it. Does this mean mom is now his real real mom?

Triton perks up at the thought. That would be awesome.

“I’ll help you, mom…” Triton mumbles underneath his breath as he looks determined up at you two. He will help you two just like how Uncle Zeus was helping you. Like….What do humans call it…? A wingman. Yeah, he would be your wingman.

“Father! Mom!” At Triton’s shout, it was then that Poseidon finally stopped his heavy train of insults. Oh, Thank goodness for Triton…

“I realized I have to go see one of my teachers for something. Why don’t you guys go play instead?”

You feel yourself choke at Triton’s words. What was he saying?! However, before you can even ask the boy, He was long gone. Leaving you and Poseidon alone, with a grip still on the back of your head.

This was a nightmare for you. Poseidon still looks like he wants to kill you at any moment.

“What a pain.” Poseidon grumbles out under his breath, sending shivers up your spine. You know what… Screw Plan A and B. You now have Plan C, worrying about Poseidon’s constant mood changes so he doesn’t kill you in a fit of rage.

“Hey… why don’t we talk thiS— Eep!” You are cut off as Poseidon picks you up. Instead of his usual hold, he throws you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. You just wished Poseidon knew you could keep up with him perfectly fine so he didn’t have to keep picking you up like this. “Where…Where are we going?”

Silence.

Well, at least he wasn’t angry at you anymore, you think with a sigh as you relax into Poseidon’s hold. Accepting your fate as there was no way to possibly escape from him.

Gods… any of them except Poseidon. Please… help…

—.—.—.—.—

“Oooo…” Triton lets out as he peeps from around the corner. His gaze trained to his father back as he left carrying you.

“I didn’t know father could be so romantic.”

“…Hmm? Triton?”

Triton feels himself jump slightly at the voice behind him. Spinning around, he expected to be caught by some sort of maid or teacher but instead, it was someone else.

“Uncle Zeus? Hermes? And…” Triton’s gaze trails over the third person, “Aunty Aphrodite?”

“Hello dear Triton. It’s been a while~” Aphrodite coos out at the boy in front of her. Slightly leaning down to fondle his cheeks. “Goodness me…Look at how much you’ve grown.”

“T-Thank you.” Triton chokes out with a blush, “I-Uh. W-What are you all doing here?”

Zeus can’t help but chuckle out at the nervous attitude of his nephew. Still ever so shy in front of women it seemed. “I apologize for the surprise visit but we are here to see (y/n).”

“See mom…?” Triton questions out as he looks back and forth between the three. He could understand why Zeus or perhaps Hermes was here to see you but, why Aphrodite?

“Ohh~, I’ve brought a couple of gifts for your mother.” Aphrodite explains with a coy smile as she shows Triton a lidded box.

“Really? What sort of—“ Hermes instantly grabs onto Triton as he attempts to check under the lid of the box. “Huh? Hermes?”

“It’s…It’s specifically for Lady (Y/n), Master Triton.” Hermes answers vaguely as Aphrodite and Zeus laugh at the funny moment that just occurred. That was a close one.

“Specifically for mom?”

Calming herself down, Aphrodite explains more clearly, “It’s women's clothes for your mother. Ones that…Oh Goodness, your father can only see.”

“Ohhhh… Ok.” Triton answers, even if he still doesn’t understand. “Well, Mom just left with dad.”

At this Zeus chokes and Aphrodite almost drops the box, Seemingly shocked at what Triton just said. Even Hermes was startled but he still, somehow, keeps a cool head and quickly hides his reaction.

“What do you mean by that Master Triton?” Hermes asks for an alaberation as the other two nod. Thinking they were simply misunderstanding something like Poseidon giving paperwork to you compared to you two actually hanging out.

“Well, Dad stole the ball from mom to tease her.” Hermes and the others feel themselves freeze at Triton’s words. Poseidon…Teasing a human? “So, mom walked over and they started talking… No, flirting with each other.”

“Flirting?” Zeus asks, surprised as he strokes his beard. He would usually take others' words with a grain of salt as they could perhaps be lying but, this was Triton. The boy has probably never even lied in his entire life.

“Yeah, so I decided to leave to give them some space and after I’m gone, I was actually hiding around the corner here, Father picks mom and throws her over his shoulder. They walked that way so… I think they are heading to father’s manor.”

“Oh, Isn’t Amphitrite out today…?” Zeus chuckles out, a nasty thought filtering into his brain. Could they possibly be going to do…

“A-Aunty Aphrodite?” Triton chokes out cautiously, catching Zeus’ attention.

“Oh ho ho. Be careful, Aphrodite. You are scaring the boy.” Zeus says, not exactly meaning his words as he reprimands the woman. Knowing that from how she was crushing the box in her hands and how hard she was biting her lip that she was too lost in her nasty thoughts to even listen.

“H-How Scandalous!” Aphrodite squeals out as she clutches the box to her chest, seeming to grow faint from all her excitement, “Zeus, I need your opinion on this. Could they possibly be—“

Triton’s hearing is instantly blocked off by Hermes as Aphrodite and Zeus continue to talk. The younger boy looks up at his cousin in confusion but doesn’t say anything. The only thought running in his mind being.

Why was Hermes' face turning so red?

Author Note: very Quick author note before I forget. Hahah this was kind of a messy funny chapter so I hope people still enjoyed this one. I wanted a fun moment of misunderstanding to help join into the next chapter thursday. Where Chapter 11 will pick up back with Poseidon and Reader. Also R.I.P Triton. Feel bad for putting my baby through meeting Aphrodite.

Taglist: @angeli-fucking-cat @marixxhq @sproutcorner @orophaea @anime-lover-forever-1127 @fortuna-stella @icy-spicy

#snv poseidon x reader #snv #snv poseidon #record of ragnarok #shuumatsu no valkyrie #shuumatsu no valkyrie x reader #bivalve

[y4ngy4ngs]

kiss me through the phone

cw ! nsfw ! dom!reader x sub!donghyuck. phone sex, choking, all in all it's pretty tame but i just can't stop thinking about donghyuck choking himself. i wrote this really quickly, i'm sorry if it's shit. based on this wonderful interaction with @nct99

1,134 words

it had been a while since you'd got any kind of alone time with your boyfriend, and it kinda showed. he'd been busy, you'd been busy, and for several reasons you just hadn't been in the same room for a couple of weeks.

you'd just put down a textbook when your phone lit up with a message notification.

"baby," it read, decorated with donghyuck's usual overuse of cute emojis, "can you call me tonight :( i miss u :( i wanna hear ur voice :("

you smiled reading it, it was written in such a way that you could vividly imagine donghyuck whining the words into the crook of your neck poutily as he complains about you always choosing work over him.

after looking at your discarded notebook and weighing up the pros and cons for a couple of minutes, you decided just to take initiative and call him without responding to his message. it only took a couple of rings before the call connected and you were able to hear your boyfriend answer with a breathy, "yes?"

"hi baby!" you greeted, so excited to hear his voice that you didn't even hear the hitch in his breath from the pet name. "how have you been, i've missed you!"

he took a second to respond, his voice taking on a peculiar, whiney quality when he responded with a quick, "i've been okay,"

it was odd for donghyuck to not launch into a full blown storytime on everything that had happened to him in the time you spent apart so you paused for a second, turning up the volume on your phone to pick up the fast pace at which donghyuck was breathing.

as carefully as you could, you asked, "baby, are you touching yourself?" his answering whine let you know that you're assumptions were correct. "why are you trying to cover up your pretty noises, puppy? what's got you this worked up?"

"please, i'm in the dorms, i can't be loud they'll make fun of me," you could hear the pout in his voice as he whispered, "it's just been so long, and i've missed you so much, and when i texted you i realised how much i missed you and in what way and i just started touching myself and i'm sorry and it's just hearing your voice,"

you interrupted before he could ramble on for any longer, "i've missed you too, pretty boy,"

you could imagine him so vividly as he whined in response, the way he would throw his head back with his eyes closed in the cutely responsive manner that he always would.

"you're being so quiet though, sweetheart," you teased, knowing how conscious he always was at first, what with living with so many other people, "can you not let me hear your pretty noises, baby, you know how much i like to hear you."

"there's too many people," he breathed, "i don't want them to overhear."

"you don't want them to overhear how much of a whore you are, baby?" you drank in the surprised whine he let out, "is that it? you don't want them to hear that you're so hard over just the thought of some pussy?"

"oh, please," donghyuck let out his loudest noise yet, a surprised little choked moan as if he'd only remembered his surroundings at the last moment, "yes i want you so bad."

"that's it, baby," you praised, "a little louder for me. i've missed you so much too, my pretty boy, i've missed your hands and your mouth and your cock."

he cut you off, whispering something quickly into the reciever that sounded like 'oh fuck, please, one second, god"

you could hear what sounded like him desperately scrambling on his bed before he was back with a, "continue,"

"what was that?" you asked with a surprised laugh.

"i wanted to get my headphones, so now i have two hands free" he sighed, obviously getting his hands back on himself.

he'd clearly not realised that with having you on headphones now, he could no longer suppress his moans quite as well.

"oh fuck," he whined, "please, i want your hands on me so bad. all the marks on my neck and hips have faded and, fuck, i want them back, i want you to mark me up so everyone knows i'm yours."

"i think everyone knows you're mine already, sweetheart," you praised, "being so loud for me."

you could hear donghyuck clamp his mouth shut and the next time he made any noise it was muffled under the weight of his palm. it was disappointing to not be able to hear his noises anymore, but the thought of donghyuck with his hands down his pants and his fingers obscuring the moans tumbling from his lips was so perfect.

"please can i cum?" he whispered, "i need it, please?"

"hm? you're whispering so quietly, i can't hear you," you teased, knowing how much he was obviously restraining himself.

"please, please can i cum?" his voice rose in volume, his hand no longer covering him up, "please i need to cum, i need it so bad, i've been so good for you."

"you've been so good?" you questioned, "touching yourself to my voice and not even letting me hear how loud and pretty you are after so long of not being able to hear you?"

donghyuck started letting out choked little moans, little strangled sounds that sounded like he was struggling to catch his breath. "please," he rasped.

you pondered what it could be for a second before you realised. "is your hand around your throat?" you whispered reverently, a flash of arousal hitting your gut as you imagined donghyuck touching himself with his veiny hands wrapped around his neck. you imagined doing it to him for a second, imagined dipping your fingers to press into the marks you left on him just to hear him whine. you didn't peg him as this much of a painslut but the choked breaths and whines he was letting out were making you think differently.

"yes, yes," he breathed shakily, "feels so good,"

everything was silent on his end for a few seconds, the headphone mic on his chest only picking up some strangled little gasps as he tried desperately not to cum before you gave him permission.

"why can't i hear you anymore, pretty boy?" you teased.

"oh fuck, i'm cumming," donghyuck groaned, gasping as he caught his breath, "oh fuck,"

"i didn't give you permission, but you sounded so pretty that i'll let you off. but only if you show me yourself choking yourself on video call next time." you were teasing but it was only a second before the call dropped and your phone screen lit up with donghyuck's contact photo requesting a facetime.

#nct scenarios #nct smut #nct dream smut #nct 127 smut #haechan scenarios #haechan smut #sub!nct #sub nct #sub!idol #sub idol #sub!donghyuck #sub!haechan #donghyuck scenarios #donghyuck smut

[writing-in-april]

Poker Face

Spencer Reid x Female Reader

Summary: Reader thought she could get away with speaking her desires out loud as long as they were in a different language. Turns out, someone could understand her.

A/N: Hey guys! This is my fourth fic for my 1250 follower celebration!! I got this request from @imagining-in-the-margins and if you want to see the original request go checkout my follower celebration Masterlist! I do not speak Russian, nor do I know someone who does so I made everything in italics as if they were speaking in Russian! Hope y’all enjoy reading and requests are open!

Warnings: 18+, Public sex (who’s surprised lmao), Reader is very unprofessional and probably should be fired lmao, Dom Spencer with hints of Sub Spencer in the future (dont worry all my Sub Spencer lovers I’ve got more coming for that soon!), Nickname use: Princess, Unprotected sex, Fingering, Oral sex (M receiving),Creampie

Main Masterlist Word Count: 2.1k

Words in italics are in Russian

There was no harm in voicing my thoughts I thought to myself, in a different language, Russian specifically. Especially since the only one that could understand me wasn’t near me at the moment nor would she probably bat an eye at a slightly risqué remark. Emily was snuggled up at the other end of the jet, her headphones in both of her ears. They would plug up any sound around her preventing her from translating the lusty thought that sat on my lips.

If I said my thoughts in Russian, no one would be able to catch how much I wanted Spencer’s fingers inside me. They were long, obviously dexterous- I knew they’d be able to reach places inside me that I couldn’t reach myself. I couldn’t say these thoughts out loud, in English at least,

I didn’t want Spencer to ever know. But, I wanted to get the thoughts swirling in my head off my chest, the only way to do that without embarrassment was to say it in a way that no one here would be able to understand.

As Spencer shuffled with ease and delt the cards out with his dexterous fingers my lusty thoughts were too pressing for my lips to be able to contain. So I spoke quickly with my voice slightly lowered, maybe Spencer and the people around me would miss my transition into a different language, “I wished you would use those fingers on me instead, preferably inside of me.”

Spencer blinked back at me, obviously confused by my words.

“Sorry, just spaced out for a second, didn’t realize I had switched to Russian.” I giggled out, mostly because I was amazed that I had gotten away with it. I moved on quickly not wanting to linger on my ‘slip up’ any longer, plus I finally wanted to try and play against Spencer in a poker game, “Let’s see if your poker face is as good as everyone says it is, Spencer.”

—-

“Please, fuck me?” Over the course of my daring adventures I had become increasingly louder with my declarations. Last week I had commented about how much I wanted his cock in my mouth, of course in Russian and the week before that I had made my initial comment about how much I wanted his fingers inside me.

This one happened to be the loudest out of the three little sentences that seemed like innocent slips into another language to everyone else, but to me and only to me I was voicing my desires. Each time I did it a little rush of adrenaline sparked through me, no one besides Emily would be able to translate, who wasn’t with me in the file room. It was only Spencer and I in here right now, the rest of the team had gone home for the night.

“Maybe we shouldn’t do that at the office, but if you asked me again somewhere else I’d do it.” He answered me back and in perfect Russian as well.

My entire being withered in embarrassment as soon as I had translated Spencer’s words, he understood me. He had understood all of what I had said, every last word. I should’ve remembered that he spoke Russian, we had a case where he spent the whole time translating, I couldn’t believe how idiotic I had been. I wanted the earth to swallow me up in that moment, just so I could escape Spencer’s piercing gaze. I couldn’t tell from his words or the look on his face what exactly he was feeling about my words, some profiler I was. He didn’t seem angry at least, maybe a bit bemused?

I shrank back a little more over fear if he was making fun of me or not. If I hadn’t been feeling so mortified I would’ve realized that Spencer wasn’t one to make fun of anyone, hindsight is 20/20 after all.

“Your poker face is spot on.” Was the only measly response that I could find myself to come up with, in an attempt to cover my embarrassment if only a little bit. A bunch of apologies also felt like they were crawling up my throat. I was absolutely mortified that I had been caught red handed, it was beyond unprofessional- I don’t think there was even a word for it. I had crossed the line so far I might as well have leaped over it, forgetting that it had ever existed.

“Well- I am from Vegas and before you start apologizing, you don’t need to. I liked it.”

Silence fell between us again after his smart remark. It was like we were sizing each other up, deciding what to do.

“You know- there’s no one here tonight, everyone’s gone home…” My confidence seemingly had come back after being knocked down a few pegs. I tapped my fingers absentmindedly on the large desk in the file room, my mind wandering to think about what it would be like if he bent me over it.

“That’s true.” A smirk was on his face now, one that I didn’t see often from him. I felt like I was going to be ensnared by him as soon as I took the time to blink.

Sure enough in a flash he had brought me into a bruising kiss that I got swallowed up by so fast there was no chance for me to try and win back any dominance.

In no time he had me bent over the table, my face pressed into the cool silver metal with my back arching up trying to reach his touch in any way I could. He gripped the waistband of my skirt roughly, but did not pull it down right away. He pulled my skirt down ever so slowly that by the time it reached the floor I impatiently wiggled to step out of it.

“You’re impatient.” He stated simply. I couldn’t deny it because of how true it was, all he’d have to do was pull my black lace panties off to see how wet I had become.

Instead I decided to lean in on how needy and impatient I was by whining out, “Spencerrr, please?”

“What do you want? Is it the same thing you said to me on the plane?” He pressed a kiss to my hip as he pulled down my panties just as slowly as he had done with my skirt, making me squirm again. Once I was bare from the waist down before him he paused for a moment to look at me; I withered a little under his gaze. I whined again when he carefully took his long fingers to just slightly part my folds before speaking again, “Tell me.”

I hesitated a little for a moment trying to focus to remember exactly what I had said on the plane. When I had collected my thoughts I whispered out in Russian, much more shaky than I had said on the plane, “I wished you would use those fingers on me instead, preferably inside of me.”

He was seemingly satisfied by my breathless reply, immediately beginning to work me up to orgasm. As he started to work his fingers inside of me he pressed his other hand down on the small of my back, a silent warning to not move.

I contemplated disobeying him, but when two of his fingers curled inside me to perfectly hit my g-spot it felt too good to lose.

“You gonna cum so quick for me, princess?” I got even wetter when he said princess like that, in Russian made me get even wetter than I already was. I was practically dripping down my thighs- and Spencer’s fingers.

“Yes! I’m gonna cum soon!” I gasped out and tried in vain to wriggle my hips to gain more friction, his hand on my back however was unyielding.

“Ask nicely and I might let you.”

“Please?!” I even asked it in Russian to make the plea possibly better in Spencer’s eyes. He didn’t respond right away, only picking up his pace faster. I tried to hold off my orgasm as best as I could, but I wasn’t sure how much longer I was going to be able to hold it. “Please, sir?”

“Alright, since you asked so nicely. You can cum, princess.”

I gave up the fight of holding off my orgasm, it immediately washed over me. My legs shook with the force of how hard and fast my orgasm shot through me, causing me to cry out as well.

Once I had come down from my high I slid off the table and down to my knees to repeat what I had said while at the round table a week ago “I want your cock in my mouth.”

He looked at me with wild eyes and obliged me, letting his cock free from his slacks. My mouth watered at the sight of him, his tip was bright red and dripping with precum. He had obviously not been the only one to be turned on.

As I grasped him in my hands and jerked him slowly I relished in the way he felt in my hand. He felt hot and heavy, I couldn’t wait to take him into my mouth.

I wrapped my lips around his tip, sucking lightly. Spencer’s head tipped backwards, his hands curled into fists as if he was trying to prevent himself from grabbing my hair to fuck my face. Little did he know that was exactly what I wanted.

When I guided one of his hands to the back of my hair to reassure him that I didn’t mind if he took control that way he almost let out a groan, but successfully stifled it by biting into his other fist. He then fisted my hair harder, wrapping his hand around so tight that tears prickled a bit in my eyes. It wasn’t a bad feeling at all, I enjoyed it.

I enjoyed it even more when he started to use his hand to guide my head up and down. He set the pace to the one he desired. It wasn’t too fast or hard, it was actually quite slow. He dragged out each of my movements and when my nose nuzzled at the base of his cock he had me stay there for a moment each time. Each time I gagged a little on him he let out an almost whine, it made me wonder whether or not he’d look good underneath me as well. Though I was thoroughly content with being underneath him at this time.

Even though I had already had one orgasm the tingling between my thighs was not satiated, looking up at Spencer’s blissed out face only served to make me even more turned on.

“Stop.” I blinked up at him like he had done so at me on the jet, confused. I pulled off of his cock, a slight pop echoed in the air. He then lifted me up onto the table with my legs wrapped around his waist before I could ask him why he wanted for me to stop.

“Now what was that last thing you said to me? I want you to ask me again. ” His cock was running up and down my folds teasing me. My head fell back and I moaned when he bumped my clit.

“Please, fuck me?” My breathless voice sounded wrecked already.

“Well, since you asked so nicely.” As he slid into me my eyes rolled back into my head as he slid into me. His pace was faster this time than what he had done while fucking my face. I was squirming with overstimulation and my orgasm was going to come ridiculously fast. Spencer could sense it too and brought his hand down to my clit to bring me over my peak even faster.

“You can cum again, princess.” My second orgasm was much longer than my first. It sparked through me slowly, almost in waves that felt like they had multiple peaks.

He too, was not that far behind me. When he tried to pull out to probably cum all over the tops of my thighs I kept him locked in place with my legs around my waist and asked, “Cum inside me?”

He obliged me with a groan pumping into me a few more times before spilling inside me. We were both slick with sweat, making me wish for a shower. As soon as I got cleaned up that would be the first thing I’d be doing when I bolted home. Maybe I could bring Spencer along for another round, I could hear him speak Russian to me all day.

“I’ll go get something to clean you up.” He spoke softly as if he was afraid I’d break, you’d think after the way he had fucked me that he’d realized I was not so breakable. I’d have to fix that later. As I sat there with his cum dribbling down my thighs waiting for him to return , mixing with my own I knew that I’d never underestimate Spencer’s poker face again.

—-

Tag list (message me if you want to be added):

All works:

@shotarosleftpinky @90spumkin @kyra-morningstar @s1utformgg

Spencer Reid/CM:

@calm-and-doctor @destiny-tsukino @safertokiss @slutforthegubes

Dom Spencer:

@rainsong01

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid smut #matthew gray gubler x reader #spencer reid fanfic #criminal minds #criminal minds x reader #matthew gray gubler #1250 follower celebration #1250 followers

[well-its-not-human-anymore]

Hi! Could I get HC from the guys? 👀 How they would always react to catching the reader seeing them "badly", in addition to the fact that he usually avoids them, but with his brothers it is incredible and they feel bad because they think they do not like him.  But she actually likes them and she looks at them like that because she "studies" them to draw them and she is too clumsy and shy to talk to them, that's why she ends up avoiding them. Until finally he catches her drawing them with lots of hearts or maybe they'll find her notebook with lots of portraits of them.

It's kind of funny because when I study people to draw them, they think that I look at them with hatred xd maybe I should increase my glasses prescription

God, glasses are such a pain in the ass but I have to wear them. If I don't anyone within my near vicinity doesn't have a face. But why they gotta get dirty so easily???? Makes me wanna explode or something

TMNT Headcanons

The boys w/ a quiet reader who is fine with his brothers but acts cold around him and stares a lot

Michaelangelo

mikey couldn't describe his disappointment upon realizing that you didn't want to be friends with him

well, you never actually said that to him

but he was pretty sure it was the case

you'd never made an effort to be friends with him

stared at him an awful lot though, but there was always something off about your gaze when you looked at him

like you were sizing him up, scrutinizing him, like he was an opponent

it kinda worried him

to add to that, you didn't even attempt to look embarrassed when he caught you staring

you'd just stare harder

on your end it was quite the opposite

you always found the brothers fascinating and you LOVED studying their anatomy, you'd confessed this to Donnie early on and he happily indulged in your questions

and you loved how easily you got along with the boys

well, except for Mikey

but it wasn't for a lack of trying

whenever the orange sporting turtle came around your normally flamboyant personality crept back into its little corner and hid

any words of excitement that had previously been with you died in your throat

for the longest time you didn't understand it

and you hated not understanding things, so you turned to your only outlet

that's how you ended up with an entire sketchbook full of the youngest brother in vastly different styles and poses

you had a separate book for the others, none of them as detailed as this

and when you stared to analyze you'd fallen into a habit of not looking away when caught

by your logic, if you stared back hard enough he'd look away first or just assume you'd zoned out

he didn't

and on one hectic day you'd left your sketchbook open on the kitchen table in your rush to get to work

you hadn't even noticed the slip up until Leo texted you to let you know during your shift

instant panic

in truth, Mikey was the one who discovered the book upon waking up from his nap and he'd spent the next three hours analyzing every drawing

when you finally dropped in after work to grab your book the turtle was waiting for you with it in hand

he'd asked you if you hated him

you told him no and accepted your sketchbook from him

he was relieved and screaming excitedly, just in his head

"Do you maybe wanna hang out sometime?"

You sighed in relief and nodded

"If you're cool with it- you don't think I'm weird do you?"

"I mean- you are talking to a turtle..."

you lightly shoved his chest and smiled, although it faded within a second

"Oh hush, 10 o'clock tomorrow? I'll bring snacks."

he was so stunned he could only shoot you finger guns in approval

Donatello

Donnie genuinely couldn't understand your unease around him

he'd followed all the proper expectations of holding a conversation

he was polite and engaging

so why wouldn't you talk to him?

this boy has read so many social blogs to try and figure out what he was doing wrong and he just couldn't put his finger on it

you were fine with the rest of his brothers, you'd stay up for hours laughing and gaming with them

you'd even sat still long enough to listen to Leo explain some old Japanese myth that he'd read about in a book

but with him it was always a quick, cordial greetings and farewells with bland small talk in between

Donnie had picked up pretty quickly that you weren't interested in any sort of interaction with him

and he convinced himself that that was okay

but that didn't explain the staring

he'd caught you in the act several times, eyes narrowed and locked on him

especially when you were alone with him in a room or just in the lair

the poor turtle just couldn't put his finger on it

then he caught you drawing, he noticed early on that you always carried a small sketchbook on your person but he didn't think much of it

and it wasn't so much that he caught you drawing, in fact, he wouldn't have noticed if you hadn't snapped at him while he was trying to do a sudoku puzzle

"Damn it Donnie! Stop moving! If I fuck this arm up one more time I'm gonna decompose!"

he'd quickly moved back into the position he was in prior

"sorry?"

but you'd gone silent again, occasionally glancing up from your work and running your eyes along his frame before looking down again

nearly twenty minutes later Donnie had finished the puzzle and it seemed as though you had finished your drawing

"Uh- can I ask what are you-"

"I'm drawing you but you kept moving your arm and making me mess up. You always do that when I draw you so every damn picture I have of you stays a sketch because you always come out looking like a fucking octopus."

He just stared

"Sorry, I uh- I didn't mean to explode on you like that. I'm just- I'm really bad at talking to you okay? It's so easy with everyone else but you've just gotta be so damn smart all the time and I worry that you'll think I'm boring so I just... don't talk to you?"

Donnie is stunned™

You refuse to show him the drawing until you can complete the line art and color it

But at least he knows that you don't hate him

Leonardo

To be completely honest Leo didn't mind that you were distant from him

You created an aura of calm when you were around and you always managed to distract his brothers while you were present

And he enjoyed the alone time

But after a few months that calm acceptance turned into jealousy

Not that he would ever admit it

He would just push it off and ignore it, that usually seemed to work

So why wasn't it?

And your obvious staring problem didn't help at all

Leo didn't spend much time considering his appearance but something about your gaze made him self conscious

And he hated that with a passion

Why was it that you could hold entire debates with his siblings? Even his dad for gods sake. You'd have hour long conversations on almost everything but whenever he tried to say hello you'd make up some lame ass excuse and scamper away

He just wanted an explanation

It appeared that the answer resided in your sketchbook

You'd left it open on the couch when Raph had called you away to spar with him

Leo very delicately flipped through the pages, careful not to disturb some of the polaroid pictures of his brothers

He was admittedly surprised to find pictures of himself among the pages

One of him in a handstand, another of him meditating, there was even one of him mid sneeze that you'd recreated with pencil and paper

The image of his eyes was the most startling, but the book held no polaroid of his eyes

You drew them from memory

And he was shocked when you returned to the room and didn't immediately panic

But that might have been because he didn't try to withhold your book from you

"It took me three months to color them, your eyes. I could never get the shade of blue just right."

"I'm gonna be honest with you y/n, I really thought you didn't like me."

You had the nerve to roll your eyes and follow it with a laugh

"I don't. I mean- I do but no, you just remind me a lot of myself and I haven't exactly figured out why yet. I thought that maybe if I drew you it'd be easier to figure you out..."

"Well did it help?"

You grinned

"I'm talking to you, aren't I?"

Raphael

If there was one thing Raph hated it was not understanding something that was right in front of him

which is ironic, as a much younger version of himself probably couldn't care less

and a part of him wishes he didn't care about it so much

he wishes that your blatant avoidance of him didn't upset him

but shit, it got under his skin better than any needle ever could

was it too much to ask for you to just tell him what he said or did wrong?

was he asking too much of you?

but on the same scale you'd never shown obvious dislike towards him, you were never rude and you sure as hell didn't talk shit about him to his brothers

you got along great with them

in fact it was getting more difficult to remember a time before you became a part of his family

he'd become so used to your presence that it no longer put him off when he found you hanging around the lair

but in another sense he was certain that you hadn't spoken more than three sentences to him in your time knowing him or his family

so what was the reason

several months in he finally caught onto the staring, your narrow, glassy gaze locked onto his body and refusing to look away

he stared right back at you

this annoyed you for several reasons

because within five seconds your very peaceful drawing session had turned into a staring contest and your eyes were getting VERY dry

then you exhaled in a half-sigh and looked back down at your paper

"Huh, I guess your head is more of an oblong shape..."

he took offense to this

"What tha' hell is that supposed t'mean?"

now your eyes held more of an amused silent judgement, you begrudgingly held up your sketchbook

"I'm drawing you, you fucking walnut."

"Oh..."

now you rolled you eyes and tossed the book to him, he nearly dropped it and fumbled with the pages

your annoyance was quickly growing

"Careful with that."

He flipped through the pages at a snails pace, assumingly because he couldn't quite believe what he was seeing

you had some real talent

when he looked back up at you he was wearing that crooked smile

"and here I was thinkin' that my eyes were just green."

Hope I was able to get this down pretty well! I really enjoyed writing this one! Thanks for the patience!

-Mars 🌠

#tmnt bayverse #tmnt headcanons #tmnt x reader #writing blog #writing requests #askbox #ask response #tmnt leonardo #tmnt donatello #tmnt raphael #tmnt michelangelo

[blu-joons]

When They Meet Their Long Distance Partner For The First Time ~ Seventeen Reaction

S.Coups:

The banner with your name on was the first sighting you got of Seungcheol as you walked out of the airport, shaking your head in disbelief at the effort that he went to.

Once his eyes found you, his pace picked up, instantly raising you up into the air once you were close enough. “I thought I’d do something to make sure that you saw me.”

A soft giggle escaped from you, “the banner is adorable, it definitely caught my attention too.”

“The perfect welcome to Korea,” he suggested, placing you back down on your feet, “I thought I’d make a little something that we could keep to remember our first time seeing each other.”

“That’s a lovely idea, it looks like you put a lot of effort into it too.”

He smiled proudly down at the banner in his hands, “they always say that the first impression is the most important, so I had to do something pretty grand.”

“Have you not already made your first impression on our calls?” You asked with intrigue.

Seungcheol’s head shook, “that’s a different first impression, this is meeting in person Y/N. There’s a whole new pressure that comes with being face to face.”

“I’m sure you’ll be relieved to know then that my first impression is great.”

Jeonghan:

The moment your eyes finally looked to Jeonghan, he shyly looked away, finally breaking the stare that he seemed to have in your direction for quite some time.

As your hand poked against his cheek, he finally spoke up too. “I feel like if I don’t keep looking at you it’s going to feel as if I’m hallucinating that you’re here.”

Your eyes rolled back at him, “I’ve been here for three days, and you still think it’s all a dream?”

“A little,” he confessed, turning further away from you, “I almost feel as if someone’s going to come along soon and take you away from me, this feels too good to be true right now.”

“Trust me, no one is coming to take me away, I’m right here with you Jeonghan.”

Slowly, his eyes looked back to meet yours once again. “I feel so comfortable with you, it’s such a strange feeling, it’s as if you’ve been by my side all along.”

“That’s a good thing though, comfortable feels nice, right?” You asked in a slight concern.

Instantly, his head nodded back at you. “Absolutely, comfortable is amazing, it just keeps reminding me how lucky I am to have you here visiting me.”

“There’s nowhere else in the world I’d want to be right now.”

Joshua:

Every so often small gasps would escape you, bringing smile after smile to Joshua’s face. You were in awe of the city, surprised by the sights that were before you.

Once you eventually looked back to him, he let go of a chuckle. “Don’t worry, when I first moved over here, I was the exact same, it’s a crazy place Seoul.”

You nodded back in agreement, “I know you told me to expect a lot, but this has exceeded that.”

“You get used to it,” he informed you with a wide smile, “the first few days I spent in Seoul I was scared to leave the house out of fear of walking in the wrong direction or something.”

“It’s a good job I’ve got a pretty handsome tour guide to show me around then.”

In an instant, his cheeks began to turn red, flushing at your compliment. “Don’t worry, I’ve picked out all of the best spots to give you the most incredible tour possible.”

“I’ve learnt for myself how organised you like to be just by our calls,” you joked.

His head nodded, proud of how organised he was, “everything is planned, so if you take me off schedule, I hope you know that you’ll be in huge trouble.”

“Don’t worry, I will follow everything that my guide says.”

Jun:

As soon as the plane ticket was lifted for Junhui to see on the screen, he couldn’t hold back the loud cheer that he had been holding onto for quite some time.

His hand asked you to hold it closer, allowing him to read the departure and arrival cities printed on the ticket. “That’s it then, you’re really coming to Seoul?”

Your head nodded, “I am really coming to Seoul, this time next week I’ll be there with you.”

“Wow,” he breathed, running his hands across his face, making sure that he was awake. “I can’t believe you’re finally coming here; I finally get to touch you and hold you too.”

“I know, we can finally be a bit more of a proper couple than over the phone.”

Your smile grew as a soft giggle came from Junhui, “I’ll speak to the company tomorrow and try and get as much time off as possible for next week to spend with you.”

“You don’t need to let me get in the way of work, I can entertain myself,” you warned.

Instantly, Junhui’s head shook back at you, “I’ve waited too long for this to happen to just spend it working, I’m spending as much of it with you as I possibly can.”

“Just don’t get in trouble, at least not for me with your team.”

Hoshi:

The feeling of a pair of arms snaking around your waist instantly caught your attention, knowing that Soonyoung was the culprit, your eyes looked back to see him behind you.

With a soft sigh, his eyes fluttered shut, tightening his grip. “If I hold you this tight for a little while longer, will you end up missing your flight tomorrow?”

Your head shook back at him, “we’ve been through this, I have to get back and go back to work.”

“But there’s places that you could work in Seoul,” he quickly tried to reason, “and if you work in Seoul then you can stay here with me, and we won’t have to be distant anymore.”

“As nice as that is Soonyoung, I can’t just up stick and move like that.”

Another sigh came from him, “I understand,” he mumbled, “but it just feels as if you’ve arrived, and now I’m already having to let you go home again and go back to normal.”

“We always agreed that the goodbyes would be the hardest,” you reminded him swiftly.

Whilst his head nodded, it brought him little comfort, “I just never imagined that it would be as difficult as this to let you go and pick up the phone again.”

“We’ll be alright, we’ve managed this long on the phone for a reason.”

Wonwoo:

A loud laugh came from you as you spotted Wonwoo waiting in the arrivals lounge, your suitcase was quickly discarded as he raced towards you, keen to finally greet you.

As soon as he was close enough, his arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you tightly into him. “I can’t believe you’re finally here, and in person too Y/N.”

Your head buried into the crook of his neck, “I’m just stunned that you’re a real person before me.”

“This is crazy,” he smiled, allowing his hands to run along your waist, correlating that the face he’d seen on the screen was finally before him. “How was your flight? Are you tired?”

“A little, but I think my body is running too much on adrenaline right now.”

After a few moments, Wonwoo untangled from you and ran over to pick up your suitcase. “You can sleep once we get to my place if you’d like, jetlag is going to kill.”

“I don’t need sleep,” you chuckled, “I just want to enjoy being with you for a while first.”

His head nodded as he guided you out of the airport, “I can’t wait for the next week together, I’ll make sure that you have the time of your life here.”

“Just being here is more than enough for me Wonwoo.”

Woozi:

You couldn’t believe what was before you as you looked around Jihoon’s studio, recognising so many things you’d seen as his background for so long during your calls.

His smile was wide as he noticed how lost you were in taking the room in. “I bet it feels pretty strange for you to be here right now after only seeing it for so long.”

Your head nodded back at him, “I’ve looked at this poster so often, and now it’s right here.”

“All the conversations we used to have wondering whether you’d ever be able to get here,” Jihoon reminisced, “and now you’re finally here in the flesh, seeing it all for real.”

“I can’t quite believe that this really is the space I see on our calls.”

His arm wrapped around you, overwhelmed himself too. “I always used to think how it would feel one day when I could have you in my studio and be able to show you around.”

“And how does it feel?” You quizzed, quickly spotting the wide smile that was on his face.

His cheeks began to turn a light shade of red, “it feels amazing, almost as if I’m in a dream right now that I really don’t want to wake up from.”

“You’re not dreaming, I promise. I’m really here with you now.”

DK:

You sat patiently as you waited for a response from Seokmin after you’d let him know you’d managed to get the time off of work to finally take a trip to Seoul.

It didn’t take long however until your phone started buzzing, noticing his name pop up on your phone. “Are you serious?” He yelled as soon as you accepted his call.

A loud chuckle came from you, “of course, I’m serious, do you think I’d joke about this?”

“No,” he sighed, barely able to keep himself together, “have you looked at plane tickets yet? Do you want me to have a look for you? Management can help if I ask them nicely.”

“I’ve only just got the time off, at least let me breathe for a moment.”

His head nodded, taking a few deep breaths to calm himself down, “sorry, I’m just so excited knowing that you’re finally coming. When is the time off anyway?”

“A couple of weeks from now, the exact dates are on my calendar,” you informed him.

You let go of another chuckle as a shaky breath came from Seokmin, “I can’t believe you’ve finally got the time to come and visit me, it feels like a dream.”

“Not long now, hopefully only a couple of weeks to go.”

Mingyu:

As soon as you heard the words studio and members come from Mingyu’s mouth, you knew you were in trouble, desperately trying to find an excuse to get out going there.

Yet somehow you found yourself at the studio the following day, glued to his side as you walked in. “This is Y/N-“ Mingyu tried to say, but he was very quickly cut off by someone.

A tall figure stood up from the floor, “we know who she is, you talk about no one else Mingyu.”

“All he ever does is talk about you,” another voice chimed in as you heard Mingyu hiss at presumably Wonwoo for him to be quiet. “It’s lovely to finally meet you though Y/N.”

“It’s nice to meet you guys too, there’s a lot of you too.”

The guy who you now knew was Wonwoo took another step forwards, “don’t worry, we don’t bite. I’m sure Mingyu has told you all the terrible stuff about us anyway.”

“I’ve heard a few things, but he told me that you were all lovely too,” you smiled.

From beside you, Mingyu shot a glare at the rest of the group. “I asked you guys to be nice, we’ve been here a minute, and you’ve thrown me under the bus.”

“What are friends for? Did you really think we’d be nice for you?”

The8:

The silence that fell between the two of you instantly had you worried, as your eyes looked across to Minghao, you could tell that something was on his mind, nudging his hip gently.

Instinctively his eyes looked to you and the inquisitive look that you wore. “I’m just thinking about how quick this week has gone,” he sighed, “and how I don’t want it to end.”

Your head nodded in agreement, “I wish I could stay, but I’ve got things at home I need to go for.”

“I just wish I could have even a few more days with you,” he sighed, wrapping his arm around your waist, “we’ve waited months for this which have felt like a lifetime.”

“And yet this week has gone faster than any of that time.”

Minghao’s head nodded, “exactly,” he huffed, resting his chin against your shoulder, “in the blink of an eye I have to send you back to the other side of the world like it’s nothing.”

“Hopefully, we won’t have to leave it so long next time though,” you tried to comfort.

The corners of his mouth slowly turned up into a weak smile, “maybe next time I could come to you, find out about your home like you have with mine.”

“I’d like that, and I’m sure my friends would love to meet you too.”

Seungkwan:

Your head shook in a slight moment of disbelief as you noticed a figure standing out more than any others, arms flailing around in the air in the hope that you’d manage to locate him.

As you reached Seungkwan, his arms instantly wrapped around you, pulling you into a tight hug. “Welcome to Korea!” He cheered, twirling you around in the air.

The moment you found your feet, your eyes met. “I can’t believe I’m finally here, and you’re real.”

“I’m real,” he laughed as your hands pressed against his cheeks, “just like you’re real too,” he added, studying even the finest of details that he could find on your face.

“I feel like I’ve waited so long for the chance to be here.”

Seungkwan’s head nodded in agreement, taking a hold of your hand after a few moments. “Let’s get out of here shall we and start enjoying your trip together.”

“Even out of the plane window this place looked so cool,” you commented at his side.

His smile widened, relieved to see how excited you were. “I hope you know that whilst I’ve got you here with me, I don’t plan on letting you go for a while.”

“I don’t think I want you to let go any time soon either.”

Vernon:

You weren’t quite sure where to look as you hit the main streets of the city, a far cry from anything you knew, the architecture and the beauty of Seoul had taken your breath away.

Beside you, Vernon could only smile at the astonishment in your eyes. “It’s certainly a bit different to your home, you’ve not got all of these tall buildings and busy streets.”

Your eyes looked across to him, “this feels like I’m in a movie, there’s just so much going on here.”

“We can explore a lot of it later,” he informed you, smiling widely as your face instantly lit up. “I’m sure there’s plenty around here that we can do that you’ll enjoy.”

“I wish we could just jump out of this car right now and adventure.”

His head shook at how enthusiastic you were, “I’ll show you around the dorm first, drop your bags off, and then I promise that the city is ours for the foreseeable future.”

“I’m so excited to explore your world and learn a lot more about who you are,” you replied.

Vernon’s smile widened even further, reaching across the car to take a hold of your hand, “I just hope that you love exploring my home and have the time of your life here.”

“I’m sure I will, I finally get to be with you in person after all.”

Dino:

You’d felt Chan’s eyes on you for a while, whilst you took in the sight of the river, it seemed there was only one thing that he wanted to look at, not the beautiful view before you, but you.

When his eyes finally met yours, he let go of a soft chuckle. “Sorry, I still feel like I’m just having to pinch myself right now in believing that you’re actually here.”

Your head shook back at him, “I can pinch you if you want me to, but I reckon it might hurt a bit.”

“It’s alright,” he laughed, covering his arm with his hand, “I mean I know that you’re here, but this still feels like I’m living in my dreams, I’ve waited for this for so long.”

“Trust me, if you were in your dreams, I wouldn’t do this.”

You quickly stepped towards Chan, reaching up to press a kiss against his cheek gently. “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to the feeling of you finally being able to kiss me.”

“Shall I do it again, just to make sure you know you’re not dreaming?” You questioned.

His head could only nod as you reached across to press yet another kiss against his cheek. “I still don’t think I’ll ever adjust to you actually being here.”

“I guess I’ll just have to keep kissing you until you do realise, right?”

---

Masterlist

#seventeen #seventeen imagine #seventeen reaction #seventeen scenario #s.coups imagine #jeonghan imagine #joshua imagine #jun imagine #hoshi imagine #wonwoo imagine #woozi imagine #dk imagine #mingyu imagine #the8 imagine #seungkwan imagine #vernon imagine #dino imagine #s.coups #jeonghan #joshua #jun #hoshi #wonwoo #woozi #dk #mingyu #the8 #seungkwan

[animeniac-writings]

Titan!Eren x reader (sort of) Ain’t SFW

This fic is in part dedicated to @ererokii​ who wrote about that titan tongue and sent my mind into making this. You are responsible. 

Anime: Shingeki no Kyojin

“WOULD YOU BE WILLING TO FUCK EREN’S TITAN?” 

It was still barely the crack of dawn, before the sun was visible in the sky, before you had finished fastening the straps on your uniform, before the birds had even fully woken up.

Yet your door was flung open slamming back against the wall with enough force to wake up anyone who was still smart enough to be unconscious. 

“Good morning Commander Hanji, how are you this morning Commander Hanji?” You calmly continued buttoning your shirt while she waved off your snark with a look of undampened enthusiasm across her face.

Something that would surely put fear into some unlucky souls today, and it seems you should be the first one of them.

“Yes, yes, good morning, it’s morning?” She walked in the room past you to pace in the center of the room, mumbling in thought with gears almost visibly turning in her head. 

“Doesn’t matter! This is important, it could be a breakthrough in understanding titan shifters and priceless knowledge to use against them.”

You had slipped on your jacket and tried to brace yourself when she turns back to you, eyes shining with glee. 

“So will you do it? Will you fuck his titan? I would gladly participate in this experiment myself but Moblit says “That would be inappropriate” and “honestly rather disturbing” and “an invasion of privacy on the highest levels.” She rolled her eyes mocking Moblit’s words with air quotes. 

“Well, Commander, no disrespect but as his titan form has no genitals and his tongue’s as thick as a pig, no.” 

She deadpanned, face falling flat and starring at you sharply. “Look me in the eye and tell me you’ve never done anything nasty with those 15 meters.”

“I-” 

“Exactly! So you’ll do it?” There was no arguing with her plans, there never was. 

“You know, some of the stuff you come up with is really intrusive Commander.” 

“I’ve been told that many times!” She grabbed your wrist and was tugged you along with her down the hallway.

_____

You stood beside the Commander in a small clearing, 3DMG prepped and ready, staring up at Eren’s titan form that awaited “A fantastic new experiment!” as far as he knew.

“So you want me to slice open his neck, crawl inside, and start jacking him off?”

Hanji was practically vibrating in excitement, gripping her notes clipboard tight enough you think it would break soon. 

Moblit was called to help transcribe the coming events but was standing off to the side looking like he’d rather Eren step on him.

The titan looked down towards you and huffed through his nose in question.

“Yes! That way we’ll know how disrupting the body inside the titan effects it’s actions!”

You’re rather impressed at how professional she can appear while telling you to give your boyfriend, her no. 1 specimen, a handjob.

Moblit seemed to have steeled his nerves and stomach walking back towards you both, you acknowledge and give him a curt nod. “Since all of history was black lined, I hope everything we do gets put into history books so people will read it and wonder what the fuck was wrong with us.” 

You take a deep breath and angle your gear ready to launch. “And molesting him would give better results than say, one of those tiny knee hammers? Poking him with a fork?”

She shakes her head as if you’re the ridiculous one. 

“Not enough physical stimulation for a definitive reaction.” She mulls over her thoughts for a short moment. “But you could cut off his leg while you’re in there?’

“Honestly, I’d rather not.” Your face scrunches at the sensation whiplash your poor boyfriend would get. “And the reason for not telling him what I’m going to do it because?”

She ignores your question, only briefly having said something before about the "element of surprise."

“You never know! This could be the perfect way to bring a titan shifter to its knees without killing them!” 

You cock your gear’s angle “...if this works I get a front row seat to you telling Connie and Jean this new, required protocol.”

In the blink of an eye your gear first hooks into the flesh of his hip, to his shoulder, then into each cheek with you safely perched on the bridge of his nose.

“It’s just me, okay baby? Hold tight.” His eyes focus on you and gives a an affirmative little growl. You pat the side of his nose and are off. 

You remove one of your blades after landing on his shoulder, taking a deep breath before carefully cutting into the flesh of his neck where Hanji had showed you on a diagram before.

Steam poured from the large slit but when you pushed the side you could see there was indeed as you were told, a small cavern sort of area around Eren, nearly in awe looking at how the tendons attached to his arms, his face, cocooning him only where it needed to attach.

“Just stay still Eren!” Hanji’s far away shout make you shake from the stupor, sheathing your blade and crawling in towards his body. 

The cut steamed and resealed shut after you had crawled inside, it was strange enclosed inside the titan, small but with enough space to move around. The dry heat was stifling but nothing like what poured out out of incisions. 

Eren’s leg moved slightly, you wonder if his titan had readjusted its’ stance? 

The space is cramped and strange in the way it surrounds your suspended boyfriend, but you move to be sat directly in front of his waist, observing how the tendons keep hold on him.

You can see his eyes, standing against the flesh to peek over the tissue, how they flit bored, his body poised that you know he’s waiting for something to be done. He has worked on endurance in his form, but still. He hates just waiting.

You trail your fingertips down his jawline, a ghost of a touch, and his head tilts. The titan’s head tilts. 

As you unbutton his pants you can tell he fells something happening, his mouth turns downward into a frown, his legs shift and you would bet his eyebrows are furrowed.

You unzip his pants and push down his underwear and you can tell he can feel exactly when you grip his cock in your hand. His posture straightens and you can feel the titan shift in copy of it. 

He’s hard in seconds of you freeing him, the most predictable trick he has and you run your hand up and down his length a few times, squeezing firmly near his base. Precum leaks generously from his tip and drips down for you to use.

His thighs clench and you place your free hand running over the tense muscle.

Your hand speeds up, fist spreading the precum across him and rubbing your thumb in circles below the head of his cock, you can tell he’s having trouble staying upright, a shaky breath and legs begin to tremble.

You leave him lacking for a moment and reach your hand below, slicked fingers rubbing slow and decisive massaging and pushing firmly against each of his balls and the whole being around you shakes as much as the one directly at your mercy.

A simple squeeze at the top of his balls and he breaks, falling to his knees and there’s a short weightlessness as the titan slams down to follow suit. 

You can’t seem to find it in you to care but the movement knocks you back against the wall of flesh and your grip on his dick yanks him harshly, a moan, a whine, from Eren above you and a growl resonating from the titan. 

You wonder if the titan’s eyes have rolled back the way you know Eren’s have.

It takes a second to re-steady yourself and Eren whines from the lack of attention, your hand goes around him again, barely touching around him before deciding to run your nails along the bottom of his shaft.

A moan spills out of him that makes the whole titan seem to shake with a growl and you quickly go back to jerking you grip up and down his length, precum slick and fast and you know he’s close, finally you can hear his mindless begging between breathless pants asking for more, please, wanting anything and everything you would give him.

Tightening your grip to squeeze around him every time you pull forward and he tries to follow but it stuck in place when his hips try to jut closer. 

His beautiful moans filling your senses and the distant sounds from the titan echoing his cries spur you on to make him finish. To watch how his jaw clenches from below and how be bites his lip enough to pierce the skin as his orgasm finally hits, your nails of one hand digging harshly into his thigh and making him see stars with the other. 

Your thumb presses directly over his whole while he cums, white pouring out around it and giving just too much stimulation rubbing in short, fast circles that makes him cry out to you with his whole body quaking in pleasure even while he’s held up securely.

With Eren truly spent, you watch in delicious satisfaction how his chest heaves with each breath, thighs still shaking and panting heavily. 

You almost can’t help it. This was to “test” him after all, right? You move your hand, still covered with cum and stick two fingers in his open mouth, his entire body goes rigid and you can feel the titan around you freeze as you drag down the expanse of his tongue and pull them out.

You’re not sure if he can hear you, he can from the outside but you rest a hand on the tendon holding his arm, lean close to his ear and praise. “Good boy.”

A shiver visibly runs down his spine and you grin. Moving your attention back to his pants, tucking him back into his underwear which are still soiled with cum anyway and buttoning him shut. But pulling the waist band forward so it lightly snaps back against taught pelvis for good measure. It’s still enough to make him jolt and the titan quake.

With a quick wipe of your hand down your thigh to get clean off what Eren would usually be up for taking care of, and your job here is done. 

Taking out your blade you start cutting approximately where you had entered, knowing you wont accidentally cut Eren makes it easier. 

Crawling back out is trickier, the angry steam hindering your vision making it hard to see where to grapple even with the titan still as stone. 

But you can hear Hanji shouting with excitement before you’re out of the cut, something about how amazing that was, incredible research, you’re sure if you tried you could hear Moblit moaning about what his life has become.

Once you’re safely on the ground you look at the damage you did from the outside. 

Eren’s titan is on it’s knees, craters in the ground from how hard he dropped. Arms limp and his head hanging down, mouth open and hair shielding his face much how Eren is inside. 

You never thought you’d see a titan be “disheveled” but that’s the only word that could truly describe how wrecked he looks. 

“Oh, YOU CAN COME OUT NOW EREN!” Hanji finally pauses her joyous dance to inform him, but the titan stays still. “Eren?”

You don’t think he’ll me moving on his own for another few minutes. 

#eren x reader #eren imagine #Eren Jaeger Imagine #eren jaeger x reader #attack on titan #Attack on Titan Imagine #attack on titan x reader #shingeki no kyojin #shingeki no kyojin x reader #shingeki no kyojin imagine #aot imagine #AoT #aot x reader #snk #snk x reader #snk imagine #my stuff