well-its-not-human-anymore

[well-its-not-human-anymore]

Hello old friends

Yeah, hi, it’s me. And damn has it been a while. Contrary to what at least one of you might’ve thought, I am not dead. Some of you are probably curious as to what I’ve been doing where it’s prevented me from writing or updating for the last year and a half so let me fill you in. 

I graduated high school. Yes, I know that might come as a shock to a few people, for those of you who stuck around for my writing yes, those headcanons and stories you all loved so much and praised me for were written by a 17 year old. The internet is a fun place huh?

I’m 19 now, a full time college student after her masters degree with a part time job and a Jeep I fondly named Jolene. My grandfather was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer a month or so after my 18th birthday and he left us in August of last year, so that took a toll on me for several months, I miss him everyday. But on a more positive note, I’m now engaged to a wonderful man who just so happens to be my high school sweetheart. My life is in a very good place right now and I’m hopeful that it stays that way. 

As for this account, I’m not sure what possessed me to look back into my inbox and see all of your kind words and support. I actually hit 5,000 likes on December 30th, 2022. A very big shock for me. But, I’ve decided to try and give this whole writing thing another shot. So if any of you have actually hung around all this time I’ve been gone, welcome back. 

I have some old requests from a long while back that I’m sure those of you that submitted them thought they would never be completed, surprise surprise. expect those few works to be out within the week. 

I look forward to hearing from you all again. 

With much love

-Mars 

[well-its-not-human-anymore]

Do you have any headcanons for s/o who can’t cook like, they will burn the kitchen or mess everything up. They feel bad for it though, she/they for the s/o and Raph + Mikey! Thank you.

I found that writing this was absolutely hilarious because I was literally in culinary school. So I know all of the worst ways to fuck up your food. Don't leave a pot of boiling milk unattended kids. I'm back from my long as shit hiatus. It's nice to see all of you again 💖

TMNT Headcanons

S/O who can't cook for shit but they're trying okay? Their best just isn't great.

Michaelangelo

okay okay okay

Mikey can totally excuse being a bad cook, it's perfectly fine with him

he's great at it so it's not a big deal that you aren't

but

oh my god you suck at it

like he understands you're doing your best and he's proud of you for that

reasonably though, how the fuck do you forget to put water in cup mac and cheese??

and he loves that you want to cook for him because he likes doing it for you, it's a love language, it's cute, everyone's on board with it

thats all well and good

but after 72 burnt dinners, 8 kitchen fires, and 35 choking instances maybe you should consider just buying him a pizza and calling it a day

and you feel awful about it because you just want to show him you love him and at this point as much as you're aware that you suck at cooking you're way too stubborn to admit that to anyone

of course Mikey is way too sweet to say it to your face

he loves you too much to hurt your feelings

but he isn't above ordering takeout everytime before you come over to hang out

and I think at this point you're aware that he's doing it on purpose

hell it's happened everytime you've come over for the last 3 months

are you offended by it?

a little bit, yeah

but you know that if you confront him about it you're basically admitting that you know that you suck at cooking

so eventually you start ordering takeout before going over and presenting it as your own

everyone knows it's a lie

you're fine with that, as long as he thanks you for bringing food you have no complaints

and no, you're not allowed anywhere near the kitchen without at least 2 of the brothers supervising you

Raphael

look

this guy will eat almost anything

he needs the calories

and he has admitted to you on more than one occasion that he would resort to cannibalism if you two were in an apocalypse together

you mostly argue that you probably wouldn't taste very good but he doesn't seem to care

you're not really sure if that's concerning to you or not

so he will eat almost anything you make, majority of the time without any complaint

is he aware that your food sucks

yes

are you aware that he thinks that

also yes

but you both know that if he doesn't have food in his system he turns into a massive bitch

he does often have to carry around a fire extinguisher whenever you're "making something"

honestly he's pretty sure all of the smoke you've been inhaling from your burned dishes has caused you permanent brain damage and that's why your food has been progressively getting worse

he will at some point sit you down and ask you that you let someone else handle the cooking from now on

and you cry

but you're actually relieved

because as bad as you are at cooking you hate doing it even more

you were just trying to find another way to say I love you to him that didn't involve sarcasm

you mostly just buy him snacks now, anything prepackaged is good

Wow am I out of practice. I'm not sure if this is any good and I'm confident that it is not my best work. But I have to start again somewhere. I'm sorry for letting this sit for so long but I do hope you enjoy it. Thank you for all the patience.

-Mars 🌌

#new followers #tmnt headcanons #tmnt x reader #writing requests #tmnt 2k16 #tmnt raphael #tmnt michelangelo #tmnt 2k14

[well-its-not-human-anymore]

Hello old friends

Yeah, hi, it’s me. And damn has it been a while. Contrary to what at least one of you might’ve thought, I am not dead. Some of you are probably curious as to what I’ve been doing where it’s prevented me from writing or updating for the last year and a half so let me fill you in. 

I graduated high school. Yes, I know that might come as a shock to a few people, for those of you who stuck around for my writing yes, those headcanons and stories you all loved so much and praised me for were written by a 17 year old. The internet is a fun place huh?

I’m 19 now, a full time college student after her masters degree with a part time job and a Jeep I fondly named Jolene. My grandfather was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer a month or so after my 18th birthday and he left us in August of last year, so that took a toll on me for several months, I miss him everyday. But on a more positive note, I’m now engaged to a wonderful man who just so happens to be my high school sweetheart. My life is in a very good place right now and I’m hopeful that it stays that way. 

As for this account, I’m not sure what possessed me to look back into my inbox and see all of your kind words and support. I actually hit 5,000 likes on December 30th, 2022. A very big shock for me. But, I’ve decided to try and give this whole writing thing another shot. So if any of you have actually hung around all this time I’ve been gone, welcome back. 

I have some old requests from a long while back that I’m sure those of you that submitted them thought they would never be completed, surprise surprise. expect those few works to be out within the week. 

I look forward to hearing from you all again. 

With much love

-Mars 

#hiatus #i'm back #fanfic #writer #cancer #tmnt hc #tmnt 2k14 #tmnt2k16 #writers block #college

[well-its-not-human-anymore]

“X bodily fluid is just filtered blood!” buddy I hate to break it to you but ALL of the fluids in your body are filtered blood. Your circulatory system is how water gets around your body. It all comes out of the blood (or lymph, which is just filtered blood).

[well-its-not-human-anymore]

I laughed way harder at this than what is considered acceptable

men annd women can do whatever they want

[well-its-not-human-anymore]

new proposition: instead of going back to using ‘lemon’ again, let’s use a different fruit this time

I’m thinking… Apple

please remember to tag all your naughty posts with ‘Apple’ from now on

[well-its-not-human-anymore]

@the-resident-demon

i open wowpedia

"paladins are canonical empaths"

i close wowpedia

[well-its-not-human-anymore]

This is amazing 😍

“…. What do ya want..?”

25 minute speedpainting. 

Done with one layer in photoshop.

Since he’s a Red Eared Slider… Why not?

[well-its-not-human-anymore]

I would like to wish everyone an uneventful new year

[well-its-not-human-anymore]

I'm showing my software engineer flatmate tumblr code and glitches and he just keeps getting more and more agitated

[well-its-not-human-anymore]

introduced my mom to pirating websites now she’s watched “so many movies I haven’t seen in years! for free!” and she wants me to “tell your internet followers about this!”

[well-its-not-human-anymore]

Scientist bakes sourdough bread with yeast derived from 4500 year old Egyptian pottery

i'm losing my mind @ this thread......historie......

[well-its-not-human-anymore]

for every "🌹" received in my inbox i'll post one random sentence of a random WIP i'm currently writing

[well-its-not-human-anymore]

it’s another quiet night in w/ just me, a good book, home cooking and the screaming flame skull that hovers incessantly over my shoulder shouting its opinions 

[well-its-not-human-anymore]

Muslim brothers and sisters

So I found this app called Scan Halal where you scan the bar code of your food and it tells you if its halal or not. It’s a free app too. Pass this on so others can see and worry a little less about their food/snack choices

[well-its-not-human-anymore]

things i’ve heard college professors say pt. 8

-complimenting me is a very scary precedent that I don’t want to get into 

-*struggling to pull the projector screen up* i’m gonna fucking cry

-if I say your name during roll and you feel the urge to say “fuck off,” im fine with that

-oh god, I’m recommending Amazon

-*keeps clearing throat* i didn’t talk to anyone all weekend, my throat is a little rusty, sorry

-if you want white male tears, i have lots

-i’m fragile today okay please be nice to me 

-oh my gosh a poll!!!

-the human experience is earnest and terrible and yet here we are 

-if you ever need to like step out, go ahead, the worlds on fire 

-this school is so fake. The projectors don’t even work. 

-you’re from California? And you… came to… Iowa. For school. Honey, are you sure?

-this is why kids hate talking to me

[well-its-not-human-anymore]

So, okay, fun fact. When I was a freshman in high school… let me preface by saying my dad sent me to a private school and, like a bad organ transplant, it didn’t take. I was miserable, the student body hated me, I hated them, it was awful.

Okay, so, freshman year, I’m deep in my “everything sucks and I’m stuck with these assholes” mentality. My English teacher was a notorious hard-ass, let’s call him Mr. Hargrove. He was the guy every student prayed they didn’t get. And, on top of ALL OF THE SHIT I WAS ALREADY DEALING WITH, I had him for English.

One of the laborious assignments he gave us was to keep a daily journal. Daily! Not monthly or weekly. Fucking daily. Handwritten. And we had to turn it in every quarter and he fucking graded us. He graded us on a fucking journal.

All of my classmates wrote shit like what they did that day or whatever. But, I did not. No, sir. I decided to give the ol’ middle finger to the assignment and do my own shit.

So, for my daily journal entries, over the course of an entire year, I wrote a serialized story about a horde of man-eating slugs that invaded a small mining town. It was graphic, it was ridiculous, it was an epic feat of rebellion.

And Mr. Hargrove loved it.

It wasn’t just the journal. Every assignment he gave us, I tried to shit all over it. Every reading assignment, everyone gushed about how good it was, but I always had a negative take. Every writing assignment, people wrote boring prose, but I wrote cheesy limericks or pulp horror stories.

Then, one day, he read one of my essays to the class as an example of good writing. When a fellow student asked who wrote it, he said, “Some pipsqueak.”

And that’s when I had a revelation. He wanted to fight. And since all the other students were trying to kiss his ass, I was his only challenger.

Mr. Hargrove and I went head-to-head on every assignment, every conversation, every fucking thing. And he ate it up. And so did I.

One day, he read us a column from the Washington Post and asked the class what was wrong with it. Everyone chimed in with their dumbass takes, but I was the one who landed on Mr. Hargrove’s complaint: The reporter had BRAZENLY added the suffix “ize” to a verb.

That night I wrote a jokey letter to the reporter calling him out on the offense in which I added “ize” to every single verb. I gave it to Mr. Hargrove, who by then had become a friendly adversary, for a chuckle and he SENT IT TO THE REPORTER.

And, people… The reporter wrote back. And he said I was an exceptional student. Mr. Hargrove and I had a giggle about that because we both knew I was just being an asshole, but he and the reporter acknowledged I had a point.

And that was it. That was the moment. Not THAT EXACT moment, but that year with Mr. Hargrove taught me I had a knack for writing. And that knack was based in saying “fuck you” to authority. (The irony that someone in a position of authority helped me realize that is not lost on me.)

So, I can say without qualification that Mr. Hargrove is the reason I am now a professional writer. Yes, I do it for a living. And most of my stuff takes authorities of one kind or another to task.

Mr. Hargrove showed me my dissent was valid, my rebellion was righteous, and that killer slugs could bring a city to its knees. Someone just needs to write it.