alanahsart-blog

[alanahsart-blog]

everyone should be weirder about their ocs more.

#MEEEEE I DO THIS . ME EXPLAINING MY LAPTOP STICKERS LIKE THES ARE FROM DND AND THESE ARE FROM MOTW <3 SO'S THAT ONE . SO'S THAT ONE. SO'S T #also prev hehe <3 <3 <3 #not art

[alanahsart-blog]

THE ECLIPSE 🌙 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! some writing about it under the cut :,]

THE ECLIPSE.

I watched through the glasses as the tiny sliver of sun grew smaller and smaller, flickering. Dani and I stood from our chairs-- it was cold, and time felt as though it were moving very fast. It felt like approaching the peak of a rollercoaster, blood drawn not from it's own closed system but from this cold and delighted well of excitement, of my brian struggling to catch up. I was desperate to drink in every small bit of everything that was happening around us. The Sun and the Moon-- the color of the light-- the color of the sky, the people around us, the birds. We stood up. I felt as though I needed to move. I forgot I was a person, teathered to the ground, and not the act of watching and the compulsion to move. I could only look through the glasses as that small scarlet sliver retreated. I was filming on my phone, trying to capture both-- swinging it wildly around. I wanted to look away at the world-- I wanted to watch it dissapear completely through the lens. I didn't know which thing to focus on. I needed everything to slow down so I could see it all. Distantly, I heard people cheer and scream-- "Oh my god," "There it goes!" 

The light dimmed and darkened like it was alive, a being settling over us in some silvery embrace. I had read before it was terrifying, it felt more like a hug. A cold hug that makes your stomach drop-- the embrace of some enormous, incomprehensible ghost. I could see it darken through the sliver of peripheral vision at tthe bottom of the glasses, just the grass. I was swinging my head around, or my hand-- it was still and fixed. 

When I took off the glasses it startled me how big the moon was-- this disk of sky, deep and dusky silver as the rest of it, darkest around the covered sun-- from which the white ring of the corona was a thin bright band, with light radiating from it like glowing, spun sugar or clouds. At the bottom of the focused ring was a red bead. At some point, it struck me that a star had appeared in the sky. I had not seen it appear, only realized, suddenly, that it was there.

We could not stop saying "Oh my god." We were standing. I wanted to dance, or run, or pace, or do something. I looked at Dani-- the light was dark and golden. It was warm. The air was cold. The sky was silver and the light was gold. I looked at Dani, the people around us. Everyone was standing and we we were all cast in warm, dark gold. I had a moment where I wanted to grab them, (vaguely, I saw other people grab onto each other. A couple wrapped their arms around each other as they looked up) but I didn't-- I wanted to move, but it was like my mind and body had been severed from each other. A spirit in it's first possesion-- unfamiliar with what it was to exist in meat. 

I stared at the eclipse, fumbled to take some pictures. Through the lens of the phone the eclipse is a foggy dot, across the universe, wrapped in cloth, buried at the bottom of the sea. It's nothing. A phone camera does worse than nothing-- it shows you an image which is so far from what it is to see it and burns that onto it's circutry when I knew it would be difficult to brand any sight so strongly onto my brain. I wanted to capture it, to drink it in because I knew my memory could not preserve the image of it all like I wanted-- and yet the pictures were worse. I shouldn't have wasted time on it. I spent so much time trying to take them when I should have been staring up. It was surely only seconds, but it was too long. Seconds were a fraction of what they were in daylight. I took pictures of us, quickly, tried to get the disk in frame. To tear myself away and find it in the backwards view of the camera felt so dangerous, like it would end any moment and I would not see it. Yet I couldn't stop myself from trying to capture it with some objective sense. Technology should capture the clearest picture. It lasted 3 minutes and I felt like it lasted 2 seconds. It should have lasted years. I tried to drink in everything I could and burn it to the surface of my mind like a brand: The silver sky. The thin white line with the glowing red bubble at the bottom. The cloudy, white corona. The edges of the sky organge like a chemical-burnt film photograph. The dark golden light and the blue silver sky. The single star. Nothing I looked at felt like it could last long enough, and I had precious moments to preserve it. I was clumsy. I wanted to live in it forever. 

I felt light, and dizzy-- I was shaking, and it felt like I was floating. I felt weak and fragile. I kept feeling chills, periodically-- not from the cold, at least not entirely from the cold. I know I looked away from the totality for far too long. However long it really was, it was too long. I felt so strongly that urge to move, to run, or dance. I've said this already, but it was persistent-- this deep compulsion to do something physical, that I couldn't pull my dreaming body to do. All we could say was "oh my god! oh my god!" Every time I looked back at that disk I felt that old plunge off the cliffside. The shock at the size of it. 

Something momentus is happening and all you can do is try to keep up, to accept it, like jumping from the bridge-trellis into the cool water of the river-- when your feet leave the edge and you plunge you have to drag along your mind with your body as it understands that this is happening and that's all there is and you can not stop it once it's started. You exist in this moment where forces greater than you are pulling you along, and their pulling you along is a special, beautiful, primordial terror and comfort wrapped up together. Its a feeling that bypasses the rational mind, the proccesses of thought. It's not fear and it's not comfort, but those are thethe closest neighbors I can name. All you can ever hope is to experiance these things, and understand them afterwards. If you could live in that moment forever maybe you could rationalize it. The movements of celestial bodies. Gravity. ("Oh my god!" Was all we could say to each other, exalting.) I was hyperventilating-- I could not stop breathless laughter, as if my body needed to remind itself it was alive and breathing. That all other rules by which life passes had not also ceased to be. It was exhaltation. While totality occured I felt like I could understand the compulsion for all of the past's rituals, spirtualizations, sacrafices, mythologies. What are god if not forces of nature. What are gods if not the laws by which the universe turns. What are gods if not an attempt to describe the sublime. What is an eclipse if not pure sublimity. Awe, the fear of being pulled along by forces outside your control, the wonder of everything looking wrong-- the organge edges of the sky where there was no setting sun to light it-- the steel sky and the dark, honeyed light. The darkness of the moon's shadow crouching down onto the world to swaddle us in a cold hug.  

There was a pain as it left, a sense of loss. As it left and I had to tear my eyes away because of that brighteness, I felt an accute sense sorrow, that desperate choking down regret of when something ends and you want to live in it forever. I felt-- touch starved. Grief. The embrace had pulled away and I knew I would not feel it again. It was over, and yet-- nothing was real, still. I could not look back at it as often as I had in anticipation of it's arrival-- because the retreating moon could only remind me that the unearthly wonder of that moment had passed.

Still, nothing feels real. The rest of the day doesn't feel like a weekday, and it doesn't feel like a weekend. It feels like a day completely separated from the continuity of time.

#my art #digital art #eclipse #solar eclipse

[alanahsart-blog]

(start of) final project for one of my classes ... bloodborne farming sim 💥

#my art #digital art #character design #illustration #bloodborne #my ocs #artists on tumblr

[alanahsart-blog]

wanted to doodle the ocean

#SO pretty #friends art

[alanahsart-blog]

very normal cleric 👍👍👍💥✨

#srb #edited a little cuz I’ll just post more later but the have a gold bone leg ianthe style

[alanahsart-blog]

very normal cleric 👍👍👍💥✨

#my art #my ocs #digital art #original character #character design #dnd #cleric #SHOUTOUT MISPHI

[alanahsart-blog]

Petja from me knights and dragon story.....🐉 🗡️

#friends art #friends ocs #prettyyyyy

[alanahsart-blog]

god forbid women do anything 🙄

#sorry guys Im having another category 6 girl moment #srb

[alanahsart-blog]

MEAT MEAT MEAT ‼️🥩🥩🥩

#my art #my ocs #body horror #original character #character design #illustration #monster design #haley harker

[alanahsart-blog]

another more experimental doodle :3

patience belongs to @alanahsart-blog, dandelion belongs to @enderscribbles, propriety belongs to @glacial-tide

#SO BEAUTIFUL AS ALWAYS #mushy gang my absolute beloveds always #mushygame #friends art #friends ocs #my ocs

[alanahsart-blog]

an old palace, repurposed

#srb #and u will look at my spooky guy's spooky house

[alanahsart-blog]

Valedict ... goth grandpa <3

#srb #u will look at my spooky guy

[alanahsart-blog]

💥🧡🧿

for @yoggybloggy :]

#my art #friends ocs #character design #illustration #monster design #mgk paragons #fromsoftware pls hire me pls pls pls p-- #q

[alanahsart-blog]

NEW REF for girl who sucks <3 needed to illuminated manuscript-ify her more

#my art #my ocs #digital art #original character #character design #illustration #magical girl #knights #mgk paragons #q

[alanahsart-blog]

an old palace, repurposed

#my art #my ocs #digital art #painting #digital painting

[alanahsart-blog]

Valedict ... goth grandpa <3

#he sucks . hes everything to me #my art #my ocs #digital art #original character #character design #illustration #q #necromancer #wizard

[alanahsart-blog]

Return to Sender, a tribute to Field Journal, a found footage style journal found in the Canadian wilds, which you can read here! Fantastic read if you're a fan of haunted nerds and haunted houses that loves and consumes.

(Created by @alanahsart-blog <3)

#mimi field journal art reblog time it’s been too long since I rbd it . #still the image of all time to me I will never be over it