#but it's so extremely profoundly fucked the way he got that name

[forlibcrty]

it's my boy's birthday so i get to rant about him. can we talk about how fucked it is that achilles gives him the name connor?

first of all, the dialogue when ratonhnhaké:ton actually introduces himself. achilles just says, "right... well, i'm not even going to bother trying to pronounce that." hi? hello hi??? you asked the thirteen year old child for his name, he gave it to you, and you just said you wouldn't even attempt it. gross and bad. and then, when he takes ratonhnhaké:ton to boston for the first time and the child is understandably awed and amazed by a new city, achilles tells him he should pretend to be european (fucked up for a variety of reasons, he absolutely cannot remotely pass as european in appearance or accent, and he's still dressed in his own cultural clothing) and call himself connor.

and that's just. so. achilles' deceased son was named connor. he takes in a kanien'kehá:ka child, flat-out tells him he won't try to pronounce his actual name, commands him to lie about his own ethnicity, and gives him the name of his dead son without asking if that's something ratonhnhaké:ton might be comfortable with.

in conclusion, achilles? watch OUT.

#( * meta. ) #he continues to go by connor for most of the game so i default to that #but it's so extremely profoundly fucked the way he got that name #like i get it! he probably would have gone by a european name the same way thayendanegea went by joseph brant #but achilles could have helped him pick one that he actually wanted and was comfortable using #instead he said 'no actually you'll go by the name of my dead son while i train you' #sorry if achilles has no haters i'm dead i do NOT like him. and ac rogue isn't even canon to me. #idgaf what achilles did in rogue he's dead to me for how he treats connor in ac3 and that's THAT

[rainbow-nerdss]

Hot Plumber Eddie

Written for @augustwritingchallenge day 23: Plumber Buddie, 941 words Read on AO3

Buck insists it's not his fault.

He looks after himself, and he looks after his apartment, and he goddamn knows what should and should not be flushed down a toilet.

Unfortunately, apparently, the same cannot be said for everyone he's hooked up with.

He stands there in the doorway while Hot Plumber Eddie — as Buck's chosen to save his name in his phone — is on all fours on the floor of his bathroom. Buck's busy alternating between ogling the guy's excellent ass and feeling profoundly awkward, not knowing whether to stay here or leave him alone to work, offer him something to drink or offer him something to— well.

So here's the thing: Buck's been starting to question lately, whether the whole casual sex thing is healthy for him. Ever since last week when a two-day marathon sex streak got him on a high of bliss, but left him feeling empty and gross about himself.

It's early days, but he has decided on a three date minimum before sleeping with someone going forward. It's a good idea really, except now it's literally day five of that resolution, and Hot Plumber Eddie is seriously testing him.

"Aha! Got the sucker!" 

Buck startles at the exclamation.

"You found the block?"

"Yeah," Eddie looks at Buck over his shoulder with a grin, and Buck has a moment of imagining him like that in another situation, before Eddie turns back to the toilet and says: "I can see it, looks like — oh. Huh."

Buck scrambles forward, morbid curiosity leading him to want to know the cause of his backed up toilet. He sees what Hot Plumber Eddie is seeing, and promptly stumbles back, mortified.

"You, uh… probably shouldn't be flushing those," Hot Plumber Eddie tells him.

Because there, filling up almost his entire u-bend, are at least half a dozen condoms.

That fucking weekend. He’d never questioned it when she said she'd take care of the condoms, when she brought them with her into the bathroom, when he heard the toilet flush each time. He assumed she was putting them in the trash and then peeing, like a normal fucking person.

Apparently, he'd been mistaken.

"That's not—I didn't—She—" Buck stammers, wanting to save face, to explain, but everything he thinks to say sounds like a feeble excuse.

"I've seen weirder shit, don't worry,” Hot Plumber Eddie assures him. “And, actually, that's not even a pun, I've seen… well. Don't worry about it. Point is, I don't judge."

Buck sighs, but he can see in the bathroom mirror that he's still so red his birthmark blends in with the rest of his face.

Hot Plumber Eddie turns back to the toilet, removing the… blockage… and reattaching the pipes.

Buck flees to the kitchen and chugs a large glass of water.

When Hot Plumber Eddie returns, he's smiling that easy smile that prompted Buck to initiate the nickname, and it's extremely unfair.

"All done!" He declares. "Just make sure you tell your girlfriend to use the trash can in future, yeah?"

Buck shakes his head. His brain must not be functioning properly, because he says "I don't have a girlfriend."

And then Hot Plumber Eddie opens his mouth, but Buck keeps talking. "Or a boyfriend. Or, well—I used to hook up with people a lot, but I'm sort of starting to think I'm done with that, that I'm at a stage in my life where I want… I dunno, a relationship, I guess. Something real, like—" 

Why is he still talking? Why has his mouth not stopped moving yet? Hot Plumber Eddie just stares at him while he gabs away about his personal life, and he doesn't shut up until Hot Plumber Eddie puts a hand on his shoulder and looks him in the eye and says his name.

Just his name. "Buck." All soft and amused and familiar in a way that makes something in Buck's chest flutter the way he's used to feeling something in his pants flutter.

He stops talking, mouth snapping shut.

"You good?" Hot Plumber Eddie asks, and Buck nods, silent, not trusting his vocal cords.

"Alright, well," Hot Plumber Eddie steps back, out of Buck's space, and Buck fights a losing battle against the pathetic fucking whimper that forces it's way out of his chest at the loss of contact. "I'd better head out. You'll get the invoice by email later today."

Hot Plumber Eddie clears his throat, and heads for the door. Buck just nods.

When Hot Plumber Eddie gets to the door, he turns back to Buck. "For what it's worth," he says, "You do deserve something real. Someone who'll respect you enough not to flush a dozen condoms down your toilet."

And that's what does it —the kindness is the last fucking straw for Buck's traitor of a mouth, because a second before the door closes on Hot Plumber Eddie, he blurts out, "Would you like to go on a date?"

Hot Plumber Eddie freezes, and Bick wants to maybe die a little, or flush himself down the toilet, or just slam the door and hope this was all a horrible dream.

Except Hot Plumber Eddie blushes. And he coughs in a self-conscious sort of way, and then he says yes.

And two years later, when Buck's at home, helping Christopher make cookies for a school bake sale, Buck grabs his phone from his pocket, wedding ring glinting on his finger, and sends a text to Hot Plumber Eddie:

Used last of the eggs baking, can u pick some up on ur way home? 💙

And Hot Plumber Eddie, Buck’s Hot Plumber husband, says yes again.

#my fic #au gust 2023 #au gust fills #buddie #buck/eddie #buddie fic #eddie diaz #evan buckley

[catty-words]

i know you guys are excited for astoria (2015), but my heart says it’s time for

a non-exhaustive list of things i love about fix me (2006):

- i suppose here’s as good a place as any to mention that the reason i embarked on my decent into marianas trench ferality was this interview maitreyi ramakrishnan did about five spots in toronto that hold personal significance to her (shoutout to any of you who’ve perused my blog after reading one of the lists to find next to no music-related content but a staggering amount of netflix’s never have i ever instead). the way she spoke of being profoundly starstruck by josh ramsay and her shock that the interviewer hadn’t heard of canadian legends marianas trench got me curious, so i downloaded their first album and, well. you can infer where the story goes from there.

- it’s hard to articulate the lightening-in-a-bottle feeling i got as soon as i hit play on this album, but there was an immediate kinship, a sense that this music was made for me to find and fall in love with. i submitted to the mortifying ordeal of listening to new music and am still reaping the rewards of insanity ✌️, pop-punk music my beloved!! etc. etc. this album holds a special place in my heart, as part of the marianas trench discography as well as in the library of all albums i love

- anyway, this’ll be a familiar refrain for you at this point but, motifs!!! this album’s interest in the unglamorous and sickening work of rehabilitation of the self lives in the thread of clinical language woven throughout, and i think that’s neat!

- the way the deconstruction of the patient’s former identity as sick makes this album the perfect complement to masterpiece theatre (2009), where we explore of their newly constructed identity as performer

“say anything”

- maybe if i loved “say anything” less, i’d be able to talk about it more (she says, just before dedicating hundreds of words to unpacking everything she loves about “say anything”)

- if you haven’t noticed by this point, i’m not a musician. in fact, despite being a theater kid for many years in my youth, i can’t even read sheet music. so when i engage in music appreciation, it’s largely with an english major’s eye and sensibilities - which means reading depth and themes (themes!!!) into lyrics rather than being able to articulate what the music itself does to enhance the meaning of the song (despite the fact that it obviously does where josh ramsay et. al. are concerned - their work would hardly render me as crazed as it does if every component weren’t working in glorious tandem). the reason i’m bringing this up is to emphasize just how fucking hard marianas trench rammed into me as a band with i can take it if you need to take this / out on someone.

- like, part of the appeal was definitely because i went into my listening experience with ‘thinking about blorbo’ disease and this lyric offers a lot of mileage there, and part of my lingering fixation has to do with the irony of the patient offering this when he’s clearly hanging on to his own sense of self and well-being by the thinnest of fraying threads. but mostly? it’s the tenderly whispered promise of it - the invitation to pour myself into this music, it has the capacity and the inclination to hold me together - being fulfilled ad infinitum

- all that said, i obviously and absolutely count the intro of this song among the band’s captivating prologues, if more as a prologue for their entire catalogue than as one that’s album-specific

- when the guitar, drums, etc. crash into the song!!!

- the extreme extreme aughts pop-punk energy of the first verse

like, they truly bottled the Moment with this

- on the subject of the first verse, it also bottles the patient’s over-arching conflict for the album, namely how he feels the pressure to rehabilitate for his loved ones even though that isn’t enough on its own, because so much of his identity is tied up in the self-destruction

- that one stings a little for being one of the first lyrics to capture the clinical/hospital motif as applied to reconstruction of self image, evoking a doctor warning you before they stick you with a needle

- how much catharsis sing-shouting along to this is where i scream from affords me. who needs therapy, this song will fix me (😏)

- something about the way lines like i don’t expect but try me and you can take it all away and i’ll miss don’t have explicit objects yet still get their meaning across lights my brain up with good chemicals in a way to which no drug high could compare

- the line there’s a little bit of you in all this for so many reasons!! punchy (‘don’t you get off thinking you have no hand in my tendency toward self-harm’) and tender (we are comprised of bits of every person we’ve ever loved) and blorbo-related alike

- the way determination to rehabilitate the self lives in there’s a better bit of me to see yet / ‘cause you haven’t seen any of my best

- the lyrics everybody wants a piece of you, every- / one takes a piece of me for how they introduce the motif i brought up in the masterpiece theater (2009) list: the patient/performer’s tendency to see his identity as bite-size pieces, loosely connected and finite in number (and i love love love the way each album having a distinct speaker and identity while also clearly drawing on and feeding into a singular mythology also plays into this motif)

- the way this part of the bridge says consonant👏 rights👏

- the way this part of the bridge clues the audience into the fact that this is well-trod ground for the patient, this journey of rehabilitation. the difference this time is the pieces of self are dwindling in number

also, again with the phrases that have no stated object but prompt you to fill in the blanks like the bangingest mad-lib

- the guitar part that always takes us from the pre-chorus into the chorus getting it’s moment in the spotlight!!! the compulsion i have to headbang along every time!!!!

- the lil note variation in the final little bit of you in all this!!!!!!

- outro gives me shivers it’s not enough to listen to this song i need to burrow inside until i hit the lava-filled core

- just. fucking epic from start to finish sorry if you’re normal about this song couldn’t be me

+ bonus: the performance of “say anything” (and “ever after” let’s be real) from the ‘live from inside’ concert solidified the pink and black flying v as my favorite from the guitar vault iykyk

“decided to break it”

- dialogue from recording sessions making the final mix ❤️

- the inherent eroticism of i’m the bad seed, i think i swallowed it whole (why are you booing me, i’m right?)

- matt webb. period.

- the way the momentum of the song inspires shoulder wiggles to the point where i turn into that one gif of shaq every time. you know the one.

- the tambourine embellishments on the chorus!!

- how satisfying it is to sing along to the bridge 🎶dahh-owOWowyehhOWooowOWWWoooOOOOWN🎶

- the scream of the penultimate ignore

- how well this song evokes frustration and being at the end of your tether in general while also being a fuckin bop

- the way they all bite off the it of the outro

and also how this line reads as the patient breaking off connections with the things/people that frustrate his rehabilitation and the way the performance emphasizes that there’s nothing demure or easy about the decision

“september”

- i was born in early september and am a winter-lovin’ girlie and i’ve always felt like the world owes it to me to have moved onto chillier weather by the time my birthday rolls around even though it never does because my birthday takes place when it is undeniably summer so this song would obviously play over the opening credits in the movie about my life and i have to stan

- anyway, the way the title and the chorus evoke a shift in season, specifically from summer to autumn, a time of both bounty and decay, and how that symbolic dissonance emphasizes the nature of the patient’s journey ahead (can’t erase the way it pulls when seasons change, indeed)

- speaking of the journey ahead sucking in direct proportion to how essential it is to have gone on the journey, clap your hands if you feel the significance of another piece of me is gone again and how the patient’s identity being tied to his sickness means that committing himself to get better necessitates giving up an integral part of his personhood (👏👏👏)

- the way the line and you can leave it if it’s easier tastes

- how the pre-chorus

has the power to transform me into someone with 2008 emo bangs on the spot and like, legally, you have to wail this at the top of your lungs you have to be over-the-top embarrassing about it that’s just the law

- the way there’s something mildly unsettling about the break in the line this sun is melting my / skin that makes me itchy to escape from underneath my own skin and is therefore so, so unspeakably perfect

- anyway, just wanna sit with the season metaphor some more

and how the exhaustion of the blaring sun gives way to the promise of new life, what’s old being washed away by the rain

- the bite down hard, bite down being another prime example of the medical motif and how the screams that echo after this line make it especially cheeky and dark. none of the patient’s pain has actually been muffled.

- on that note, the way, sonically, the whole song feels like violent thrashing against the pain that necessarily comes with destroying a part of yourself, even a part you’re better off without

“alibis”

- in terms of the marianas trench albums’ first-act ballad hierarchy, “alibis” tops my chart most days, we respect a classic in this house

- just like “september” sounds exactly like the stage of the journey it’s meant to represent, “alibis” evokes thoughtful reflection as the patient contemplates what identity he wants to construct from here really effectively

- how gEnDeR the line wearing my best little girl pout is

- the way the refrain all my faces are alibis slots quite nicely in with the ‘identity as fractured pieces’ motif

- shoutout to this verse

because it’s my favorite, but also because it marks a shift in perspective for the patient. renouncing the sickness doesn’t mean it stops being a part of him, after all. those impulses live so deep within him as to be phantom sensations

- the way the bridge is like. fuck subtext, we ball

if the patient is not his old self, but also not not his old self...what does that make him?

“shake tramp”

disclaimer: this song didn’t age well. it’s a certified banger!!, and the obnoxiousness is definitely intentional in a way that shields the whole thing with irony, but i still think the language having a different cultural acceptability today than it did in 2006 means this song has a high barrier of entry for new listeners. speaking from experience, of course - once upon a time, this was my most skipped marianas trench song... and then i watched their performance of it for the ‘live from inside’ concert and i was like. oh. oh.

- the earworm of an intro!!! fun fact about me: i get drunk and my brain starts playing the “shake tramp” intro on loop forever and i absolutely make it everyone else’s problem

- BOP BOP BOP BUH-DAH-DOP BOP BOP BUH-DAH-DOP BOP BOP BUH-DAH-DA BAH-DAH-DA BOP

- the way the drums evoke getting relentlessly stomped upon

- the line and break my knees to get release for how succinctly it captures the patient’s relationship to self-destruction

- how you needed some just to take you from tastes. also, hello object-less lyrics, i am snorting you up i am transcending this plane of reality

- how galaxy-brained bleeding the lines between sore and sorry is because it doesn’t really give you the time to sit with the shock of and i hit you more, is your face still sore? before it’s apologizing for the abuse of it

- for as much as i feel like this track is a glaring detour in the context of the album as a whole, i like how this part of the pre-chorus

arguably ties us back to the fourth verse from “alibis”

- what a cheap perfume, i hate this room because i am once again sprouting my emo bangs and shouting this at the top of my lungs, throwing my whole pussy into the bitchy energy

- being called little handshake tramp like, this better not awaken anything in me........

- the backing i’m so sorrys

- anyway, wild how a track from masterpiece theatre (2009) ended up on fix me (2006), am i right?

“low”

- the way this part of the first verse

establishes where we are on the journey to rehabilitation. namely, that the patient’s reached a kind of plateau and is having trouble holding onto the desire to change when they miss the clarity of the self-destruction

- the way the chorus reinforces this

like, it should be easy to stay the course, but it’s depressing to feel like he’s stopped making much progress (dude’s definitely thinking about break[ing his] knees to get release)

- sometimes the bridge just fucking hits. i sure do get so tired, tired. i Sure Do.

- the resonating guitar transitioning us into “push” is something i like a normal amount!

“push”

- the weird cross between whimpering and moaning that happens during the intro 😳

- the way the music explodes outward for the pre-chorus, the way the hey explodes out of the patient (i DO feel it now, i DO)

- up against the wall, you say? 😳 

- the post-chorus push 😳

- the gritted-teeth performance of using like it’s goin outta style

- woof.

- the switch from and you’re getting sick / and you’re feeling it to and you’re getting stuck / and you fucked it up (any time josh ramsay et. al. drop a ‘fuck’ into a song, really 😳)

- matt webb. period.

“far from here”

- hey, now that we’re flirting with relapse, let’s reckon with parental disappointment! i bet that’ll do wonders for the patient’s commitment to rehabilitation!

- god, but all the complicated emotions that exist on the spectrum from ‘it’s partially your fault i am this way’ to the unconditional love felt by the patient in verse two

how are the patient’s parents still able to believe he’ll get better when he’s kept them waiting for so long, when he’s still so far away from true rehabilitation, when the waiting only hurts them more the longer it goes on?

- the way we start the final rendition of the chorus quiet, introspective, until we get to the line i laughed aloud to drown it out when the music gets boisterous again, drowning out the thoughtfulness of before. what could it mean what could it all mean?

“vertigo”

- relapse, that’s what it means!

- always and forever obsessed with the snottiness of you got here just in time to see everything fall apart / i’m not upset at all. sure, champ!

- how the first pre-chorus

tells us once again that the external pressure from loved ones is not enough for - and is perhaps actively detrimental to - lasting change. with everyone’s eyes on him, the patient can’t muster more than the admission that maybe [he] could want [to change] more

- dizzied up in my never try because it makes my head spin!!! we’re getting caught in the destructive cycle!!! vertigo!!!!

- the way the distinct parts of the song (verse, pre-chorus, chorus, etc.) all bleed into each other and how that complements the sense of lost control with which the patient’s grappling

- speaking of, there’s this part

and how it makes the strongest case yet for the external pressure causing active harm to the patient’s rehabilitation. as long as he doesn’t grow too sensitive to the disappointment, he can always try

 - not another piece of him......

- the switch from maybe i could want it more to maybe i could miss it more and how that communicates the way the starting point and the goal of the rehabilitation have become confused in the patient’s mind. lost in the vertigo, it all starts to blur together and look the same and you can’t stay on a path to recovery if you’ve fallen down a hole.

- the do do do do dos bop

- the way the song seems to flatline for a measure (heartbeat...) before coming back to life with one last rendition of the chorus

- the defeat that lives in so what’s a little vertigo? the patient has resigned himself to the downward pull of self-destruction

“alive again”

- the way the second verse

is the patient talking to himself, the fractured pieces of identity that want wildly different things yet can’t seem to find any satisfying way to stop life from hurting so much in conversation

- sometimes it hurts, but that’s no worse / than all those times i guess it works and how the patient is acknowledging that the self-destruction fails him as much as it provides clarity. the way that doesn’t get him anywhere new because the end result is the same: it hurts, it hurts, it hurts.

- the way the patient walk[ing] around like [he’s] alive again while the sickness inside of him just won’t die plays with language, because his rehabilitation is actually what’s on its deathbed, his sickness is actually what’s thriving and alive. brb need to fling myself into the sun!

- i’m fading ending the song on a dreadful chill, on a dwindling sense of any self at all

“skin & bones”

- the way turn all the water on / and bury that sound is reminiscent of the “september” chorus, only here, the healing properties of the water have been turned on their head, enabling instead of revitalizing

- how, with all this talk of fractured identity, we don’t look into a mirror until here at the end

so naturally, this part is loaded with meaning. the tell me you can see feels like the patient pleading with his reflection to reinforce the idea that sickness is his truest self even though he knows it’s not (lie to me).

- thin / where the hell have you been? and how it’s the patient greeting an old friend with equal parts relief and anger in a way that catches me in the gut every freaking time, with every rendition

- fucking!! it all looks so big / never mind, i don’t feel anything and how evocative the one-two punch of this is!! numbness as an empty, hollow sanctuary from the horrors of being a person

- the way laughin’ like it works is reminiscent of “far from here” and now we’ve gone and admitted that the patient could never actually drown out the noise of everyone else’s concern, could never actually pretend like going on this way was a viable option

- the patient’s declaration that it’s too fucking easy (to turn to the self-destruction) bringing to mind how rehabilitation should have been easy in “low” and how the injustice in the truth of that hurts, hurts, hurts

- how all these echoed moments reinforce the cyclical nature of the patient’s journey to rehabilitate - commitment to change and relapse and hitting bottom and commitment to change and relapse and here he is now, once again hitting bottom

- the scorched-earth outro (i will burn all this, i will burn all this, i will burn all this) being at once dark and hopeful. maybe actively sacrificing the last piece of his identity instead of watching it get consumed by the cycle means he’s truly done with the old, sick self, but maybe it’s just another commitment to change that can’t and won’t pan out.

in conclusion: this album is conceptually tighter than i usually give it credit for - the irony being that, instead of fixing me, it repeatedly breaks my heart over the course of a listen. four out of five stars, would submit to being driven actively insane again (and again and again and again).

#marianas trench #fix me (2006) #writing this really really deepened my appreciation for 'low' 'far from here' and 'alive again' #'vertigo' too but i've also always been fond of that one where those other three deep cuts tended to blur together in my mind #but no longer! #anyway. #if you're thinking of rebloging this without tags quick! tell me your favorite josh ramsay guitar!

[besidesitstoowarm]

"The Waters of Mars" thoughts

hey y'all it's been a minute. i'm going to knuckle through the last few eps of the davies era before i leave the country. anyway this one was good

this feels like the clearest throughline so far from s4. the doctor is experiencing the same emotions as many a greek protagonist– he has been touched by fate and destiny so profoundly, so inarguably, that he lashes out powerlessly. some of this is a reaction to being alone, deeply alone, having lost all the friends he has made since the time war ended, but some of it is about HOW he lost them. he was destined to meet donna, travel with her, he was actually a pawn in HER destiny, her journey. "journey's end" that was HER journey, he was HER companion in a sense. for someone so accustomed to having the upper hand, especially someone like ten, i can imagine how bad that shook him

cause like, this is ten, you know? i remember nine's last story, i remember "a coward, any day." i remember how he chose suicide, not because it would destroy the daleks but bc it meant he didn't have to live to see them kill everyone. coward, absolutely. the time lord victorious is the polar opposite. time lord victorious is glorious, violent arrogance. what was the change? what happened in the meantime? a lot, but primarily, rose tyler. rose-badwolf forced the regeneration, ten absorbed some of her into him, and time lord victorious is PURE rose tyler. her audacity, her confidence, her arrogance, all wrapped up with a fragile doctor who has lost all and has suddenly realized there are no rules, no rulemakers

the doctor has always been the "teenage rebel" but that implies youth, obedience, an authority figure to defy. it implies a kind of harmless messiness. but that authority figure is gone, before the war he was a father and a grandfather and now he is neither, he is an orphan, he is a widower, he is the very last of the time lords and he is completely lost as a rebel in a universe that suddenly has given him nothing to rebel against

i'm not going to recap the episode. go watch it if you don't remember it, it's really good. a few points: "name, rank, and intention" "the doctor, doctor, and... fun" that's a good one. adelaide was born in 1999 which makes sense for this being 2059 but hello??? adelaide brooke is gen z?? it's 2024 is she on tik tok rn?? girl. so the doctor notes that they have the first flower to bloom on mars in 10,000 years, not sure if that's referencing anything. we get several ice warriors mentions tho, respect

this whole episode has kind of a "the thing" vibe, i like it. viral life form in the glacier, can't tell who's infected. wish this episode had a fucked up dog. uniquely this episode has ten trying to leave, repeatedly. it was pretty common in classic who for the doctor to land somewhere randomly and then go "hm. i don't care much for this. goodbye" and be thwarted, cause he was messy back then. nowadays tho he's not like that, this is unique, this is notable. he finally admits it's a fixed point, a thing i think means nothing except whatever any particular episode writer wants it to mean. which is fine, this is doctor who after all. he takes it back at the end, decides he's above the law bc there are no lawmakers anymore, but forgets that other people have agency. adelaide killing herself got a gasp from my bf

a bit of the "bad wolf" theme plays during the time lord victorious speech which proves my point imo. this is rose, this is rose's influence. she did this, she made him this way, and i don't think that's even a bad thing! in so many ways she made him better. but she also took this fragile war-torn survivor of genocide and made him angry, hard, fanatically right about everything. we also got a bit of "vale decem" at the end around adelaide's suicide cause like yeah this is very distinctly leading to his death

i know this has been extremely rambly but i truly think this episode (which is mostly "the impossible planet" meets "the thing" until the last 15 minutes) is deeply rich thematically and ties into threads i've been picking up on since "the parting of the ways" like ten's era has SO MUCH going on in it!! it's a commentary on nine, on rose, on the time war, on destiny, on classic who, on new who's forward direction. and it'll lead so elegantly into eleven's era, who lives in extreme opposition to having once been ten (as is pointed out directly in "day of the doctor") i think we lose the plot a bit after that. but that's quite a ways away in my recapping. anyway this story is really good and this era is so rich

also this episode was in memory of barry letts. pour one out

#doctor who #besides its too rewatch #special #The Waters of Mars

[musical-chick-13]

Reading your posts about "toxic" couples and female villains has me thinking I don't watch any TV programs with any such characters and I want to. Do you have recommendations?

Ohhh, you have come to the right place, my friend. (This is very long I'm so sorry.)

I'm going to do the opposite of what I normally do start with my Number One Recommendation (as in, I think this show is most likely to be the kind of thing you're looking for), which is Search Party starring Alia Shawkat. I really would suggest going into this one blind because it is a ride. This is basically "Everyone Gets Worse: The Show," including one of the most complex and effective corruption arcs of a female character I've ever seen! And Dory/Drew, the main couple, is the most batshit deranged romance. I'm a Jaime/Cersei stan and Dory and Drew somehow come across as worse.

SPEAKING OF JAIME/CERSEI. I like GoT more than I like Search Party. And I like Cersei more than...every character ever. She's not the Final Antagonist™, but she's a formidable presence throughout the show, with such a rich interior emotional world that I always learn something new about her every time I think about her!! And Jaime/Cersei is THE unhealthy romance for me; it is the standard by which I measure every unhinged, toxic couple. People are going to tell me not to recommend this because season 8 is bad, but my hot take of the century is that the final season/ending was overall perfectly fine. Also some love to my girl Melisandre, who is also complex in an unpalatable way that's underappreciated by fandom.

Also going to plug Fleming: The Man Who Would Be Bond, which I think is where my love for Toxic Ships™ can be traced back to. Ann and Ian's relationship is fucked up.

Elementary has a female Moriarty, who doesn't actually show up in that many episodes, but her influence and romantic history with Sherlock is felt throughout the show. He even calls her "the great love of [his] life." Miss Sherlock also has a female Moriarty, who is delightfully creepy.

This is ALSO my daily pitch for 2001 anime Noir, which barely feels like an anime if I'm honest. So if you're not an anime person please don't let that put you off. Altena is THE anime villain of all time, and every single other tragic villain wants what she has. She's extremely competent and is probably the only example I've seen of a villain who claims they're doing the right thing and I genuinely believe she thinks that. (Looking at you [character name redacted].) All the women in this are fucked up, actually, and have very fucked-up relationships with each other! This includes the central couple (though they do eventually get on the same page), but ALSO there's a minor, 2-episode dynamic that stays thoroughly fucked-up the whole way through, I'm talking fighting-to-the-death, I Traumatized You As A Child Which Profoundly Affected Me So Much I Became Obsessed With You/I'm Afraid Of You But Will Still Embrace You While Attacking You (someone other than me please ship this please, PLEASE I'M BEGGING).

I also can never recommend Chainsaw Man enough. I won't say I ship the toxic couple (unlike the others I've mentioned), but it's very complex and furthers the themes of the story and reverberates through it in a way where I really appreciate that it's there. It's a big part of the reason why the story is as excellent and hard-hitting as it is. Also one of the most frightening female villains I've ever seen. (And also Aki/Himeno, another codependent ship. Though that one's pretty tame in comparison to the other dynamics I've mentioned.)

There is also Doctor Who, with recurring villain Missy and the former-friends-turned-enemies-with-heavy-subtext The Doctor and The Master. Kissing your opponent to unbalance them! I don't approve of what you're doing, but I'll always forgive you! Everything I am is because of your influence! No one else can kill you except me! I'll try to be good for a while because you're my friend! They have it all!!!

Some other recommendations I won't go super deep into (because this is getting long) are under the cut.

LIVE ACTION TV: Beth/Rio from Good Girls, Luther/Alice (and just Alice in general) from Luther, Klaus/Camille from The Originals (though they do get less overtly-toxic as time goes on, also the last two seasons of this show are terrible), Cal/Zoe from Lie to Me. Rita/Laura from Doom Patrol is more...fraught and angsty than outright toxic (and it's also not canon ☹️) but there's still betrayal and murder attempts. Also love of my life (and half of my otp of all otps) Irene Adler from BBC Sherlock. Rebecca Bunch from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend isn't a villain (but she has Major Problems™) BUT I'M PUTTING HER HERE ANYWAY BECAUSE THIS IS MY FAVORITE SHOW OF ALL TIME PLEASE WATCH IT.

ANIME: Sunako Kirishiki from Shiki (VASTLY underrated show, with Themes™ of the dangers of fully dehumanizing your enemy/war is hell/what does it really mean to be "a monster," ALSO her looking 12 but being 700 years old is actually story-relevant and meant to decontruct the idea of eternal youth, which I think is neat), Shinji/Asuka from Neon Genesis Evangelion, Id: Invaded which has one of my favorite Murder Ladies Inami Nahoshi (killing related to trauma/being stuck in emotional stasis, her boyfriend/accomplice is completely under her thumb, but she goes ballistic when she gets separated from him), Akuma No Riddle (which I go back and forth on whether I think is actually good or not but there are SO many villainous gals there so I must stan), and Baccano (one character is in love with another because he so badly wants to kill her and she's just...into that).

OTHER MEDIA: Umineko When They Cry (visual novel--PLENTY of lady villains and also extremely deranged lesbians), Do Revenge (movie--convoluted friendship, pRoBLeMaTiC female protagonists), The Perfection (movie--one of my favorites!!! this relationship is fucked-up), Kasane (manga), Sunken Garden (opera--SOPRANO VILLAIN IS MY DREAM ROLE; sadly no recording/album exists, but I will keep everyone updated), my girl Margaret of Anjou (Shakespeare's Henry V (mainly parts 2 and 3) and Richard III--this woman is unhinged), Marisa Coulter (and her relationship with Asriel) from the His Dark Materials book series (there's also a TV show, but I haven't seen it), Black Death (movie--unsettling female villain), Kill Boksoon (this is basically Women's Wrongs: The Movie), Thrill Me (musical), and if you want Songs About Codependent Love then PLEASE check out English goth rock band Creeper's album Sex, Death & the Infinite Void and its follow-up American Noir.

THINGS THAT ARE ON MY TO WATCH/READ LIST BECAUSE THEY CONTAIN FEMALE VILLAINS AND/OR UNHEALTHY COUPLES: Phantom Thread (movie), The Traitor Baru Cormorant (book series), Interview with the Vampire (the TV show), Dracula 2020 (TV miniseries), Mortal Engines (book series), Stalker x Stalker (webcomic), The Monster of Elendhaven (book), The Wicked and the Willing (book), Magic Knight Rayearth (manga and anime--they apparently diverge at some point), Hold the Dark (movie), The Luminous Dead (book), From Dusk till Dawn: The Series, and the 2014 BBC TV series The Musketeers.

#multi t(ASK)ing #mel recommends stuff #(<-that is the name I am going by online fyi) #TOXIC ROMANCE FTW!!!! #FEMALE VILLAINS FTW!!!!! #also there is one show/ship people consider a Quintessential Example™ of this but I don't like that one so I left it off

[utilitycaster]

Stormlight Archives (or Mistborn? I forget which Sanderson’s you’ve mentioned reading…)

Whichever numbers you like :)

I've read both! Mistborn was a while back though.

Favorite character: Kaladin; also a big fan of Navani and Dalinar because I'm a sucker for both "profoundly competent and witty yet empathetic older woman" and "penitent older man who really went through it in his youth but is trying to be a better person"

Least Favorite character: Elkohar. Can't stand a king who sucks when everyone around him is actually fucking competent.

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): not really much of a shipper for this one BUT I think Mr. Brandon Sanderson should loosen up and make Adolin/Shallan/Kaladin a thing. Also Dalinar/Navani.

Character I find most attractive: Jasnah.

Character I would marry: Rock. Really, this is a Fuck/Marry/Kill question and it's kill Elkohar, fuck Jasnah, marry Rock. (yes, people reading this who have not read the Stormlight Archives, and why would you, they are doorstoppers, there is a character named Rock and he is GREAT)

Character I would be best friends with: Navani is my adoptive aunt now, I adopted her. I would have gotten along with Shallan if these books had been around when I was younger but I am like oh you are baby.

An unpopular opinion: truly no idea what the fandom is up to. I am fascinated by people in fandoms for books this fucking dense. I can be the way I am in the CR fandom because there is a transcript search and I have a good memory for which episode to check if not which exact moment but like, for here? if I am trying to find a particular moment? guess I'll die.

Most Badass Character: Dalinar and Kaladin. I see a man whose greatest enemy is himself and I go YES

Most Epic Villain: is he exactly a villain, no, but Taravangian. Also fun fact I could not recall his name and I did google "guy who is sometimes stupid and sometimes smart stormlight archives" and it got me the right answer.

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): not screwed up but like...I feel I should feel more sympathy for Venli and not just be like Team Humans, but unfortunately the human characters are more interesting to me so even while I understand the conflict and the players I'm just like...Venli's extremism isn't sympathetic the way some of the Alethkari were to me.

Character I most identify with: Kaladin. look. if there's a paladin-esque character (and yeah kids it is that on the nose here) in a story I'm just going to go to them like a homing pigeon).

Character I wish I could be: oh absolutely none of them, like, I like to read high fantasy and be like "thank fuck that's not me"

#answered #pawthorn #ask meme

[the-final-sif]

is it the dreamon or dream that says "i can bring people back to life" to get tommy to not kill him in the final disc confrontation? bc if it was the dreamon that's hilarious bc the dreamon /doesn't actually know/

He assumed (correctly) the Dreamon would bargin for it's life and conveniently it did. c!Dream faked it out as something that he "let slip" and was begrudgingly willing to do, but in reality, he absolutely did not want the Dreamon/himself to "lose three canon lives".

Why? Because he's been bullshitting this entire time, canon lives are not an actual thing, and despite having transferred most admin abilities to XD, and convinced the Dreamon that he can meaningfully die, he's still the server admin and can't actually be separated from the server.

If he dies three canon deaths, then the Dreamon would realize that and c!Dream loses a major hold over it (the fear of this new death system).

As a result of all this, he ended up in the shiny new prison that he commissioned. There were back up plans though, namely c!Punz steps in to give him time to get away, or c!enderboo would also be able to teleport him away, although at the cost of outing that ally. In an emergency, XD might also interfere, although he would do so less directly.

In the end, Dream's plan worked out really well. Kind of. Prison served it's purpose for him, it let him safely physically and emotionally distance himself from the majority of the server, with some minor hiccups:

c!Sam and to some extent c!Quackity got way too emotionally attached, although less to c!Dream as a person and more to their own idea of him. The Dreamon was able to use those much weaker bonds in minor form, but ultimately it was still severely starved of connection.

c!Ranboo not being allowed to visit was a big problem for reasons I'll get into when I talk about c!Ranboo's role in the story. It was very distressing for both of them.

c!Dream was the one who killed c!Tommy in the prison, not the Dreamon, and it was one of the worst moments in all of this for him, and that's saying something.

It didn't go down the way c!Tommy remembers it, mostly because at the time, c!Tommy was like 99% infected by the Dreamon due to extreme close exposure and high levels of stress. By the point that c!Dream realized there was no other way out, c!Tommy was heavily under the Dreamon's influence.

As a result, c!Dream had to kill Tommy (reversibly) before the infection took hold and killed him and the entire server. He hated himself for it, and it's a moment that haunts him quite profoundly, but he really had no other choice in that situation.

Then he had to wait long enough for Tommy to be at least moderately disinfected in limbo before he could bring him back. It was a pretty horrible period for him mentally, and one of the few times that he considered just giving in.

This moment is actually a big part of the AU for me. I've seen a lot of Dreamon AUs where the Dreamon kills c!Tommy and it's entirely out of c!Dream's hands. I think it's a lot more tragic and painful if c!Dream had to kill c!Tommy himself.

Even if it was the only choice, even if he knew c!Tommy would come back, even if he knew c!Tommy died no matter what, he still had to kill c!Tommy with his own two hands, and it fucking hurt.

Anyways putting that aside the prison went pretty well. Can't win 'em all.

#dreamwastaken #c!dream #dreamon #c!tommy #tommyinnit #dream smp #dsmp #prision arc #possession #mcyt #sif speaks #my headcanons #dreamon improv au #I'm debating how to reveal c!ranboo's plot #because like #you all have to promise not be mad at me about it first

[backofthebookshelf]

Horror Recs for Magnus Fans, Part the Second

Last time I did this I was assuming that anyone who was listening to a horror podcast already knew some horror, but I have since learned that this is not the case, so there are a few more classics in here, as well as some more of my faves.

For anyone and everyone who listens to TMA: Sarah Monette's Kyle Murchison Booth stories, many (though not all) of which are collected in The Bone Key. Queer information professional would very much like for ghosts and monsters to leave him alone, does not get what he wants; can't resist the impulse to help out people who are more fucked over than him anyway. I love Booth so much, he deserves much better things than he gets.

For Web stans: Blindsight by Peter Watts, a sci-fi horror novel about free will and consciousness. Lydia Nicholas named this as one of her favorite books in the first Assistant's Round Table; I respect her for it, but I read this once and it gave me an existential crisis. Highly recommended, but make sure you've got a palate cleanser.

For jonelias fans and/or fans of the Corruption: Candyman (1992). With bonus folklore & urban legend meta! Kissing bees into your (potential) lover's mouth in order to convince them to become a murderous spirit of vengeance just like you! "All you have left is my desire for you"!!! It's extremely sexy, is what I'm saying, in all the best ways. (Trigger warnings for violence against children and a fair amount of gore, in addition to the aforementioned bees.)

If you love the no-holds-barred social commentary of season five: The Ballad of Black Tom by Victor LaValle. No, I will not shut up about this book until absolutely everyone in the world has read it. It's short! You could read it in an afternoon! This is Lovecraft's "The Horror at Red Hook" from the point of view of a black musician and hustler who's hired to help out with the ritual, and it's incredible. (If you're enjoying Lovecraft Country, absolutely do not miss this.)

If you miss the standalone statements of season one and two: the works of the early 20th century cosmic horror and ghost story writers: M.R. James, Algernon Blackwood, Arthur Machen. Machen has a tendency to get pretty eugenics-y, and they're all either misogynistic or don't have women in their stories at all, but goddamn do they do atmosphere. ("The Magnus Archives" is named after James's "Count Magnus," Jonny's favorite M.R. James story.)

For Stranger fans and those who love unexplained mysteries: The Twisted Ones by T. Kingfisher, a Southern horror (not a Gothic) about a woman who goes to clean out her abusive grandmother's house to sell it only to find that there are things other than his wife that her grandfather was afraid of, and for good reason. Features hot competent neighbors, extremely practical reactions to terrible monsters, and a Very Good Dog (the dog does not die).

For Lonely bitches: "The Horla" by Guy de Maupassant, the story I use to describe my depression to people. That's a pretty good content warning, honestly.

If you loved the "Am I still human?" plotline: The Monster of Elendhaven by Jennifer Giesbrecht, a grotesque little novella about monsters in (dysfunctional) love. I'm a bit iffy on the ending, but honestly landing the ending of horror is so tricky that I'll almost never discount something just because I'm iffy on the ending. The body horror and emotional repression throughout make up for it.

If you crave the supernatural adventure series starring Gerry Keay: The Sandman Slim series by Richard Kadrey - modern noir, so gritty you can feel it in your teeth, featuring all kinds of monsters, demons, curses, and narrowly-averted apocalypses. Not as misogynistic as noir can get, but it is noir so there's definitely a bit of that (but definitely not as misogynistic as Jim Butcher). Trigger warnings all over the place; this is B-movie horror in book form.

For Distortion fans: The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson. Bears almost no resemblance to the Netflix series of the same name, or any of the movies based on it; this is a twisty psychological novel with a profoundly unreliable narrator and a lot of repressed queerness. Michael/Helen would be right at home in Hill House. (Content warning for suicidality.)

If you want your horror to make you cry: El Orfanado, directed by Guillermo del Toro; a family moves into a house that used to be an orphanage, that is, of course, haunted. This is a tremendous distillation of the way that horror movies are so often centered around women not being believed, so content warning for gaslighting (and for harm to children); I saw this movie once and entire scenes are embedded in my brain in full color. (Honestly you can't go wrong with any Guillermo del Toro movies; he's fantastic.)

If you want your horror to make you cry, but make it gay: In the Flesh, two seasons of a zombie TV show tragically cut short (yes, it ends on a cliffhanger, I’m sorry). Uses zombies as a metaphor for homophobia, but also includes actual queer people. Content warning for small-town-typical homophobia and tragic gays. Please come yell with me about Simon Monroe, I love him so much.

For Slaughter fans: The Shining by Stephen King - look, look, I know. He's not great. He needs an editor. The movie is all kinds of fucked up. But this book is one of the most raw, personal horror stories I've ever read, and it's got an excellent combination of supernatural influence and real-life mundane fear of addiction and personal weakness that really grabs you by the intestines. Again, an iffy ending, but it's worth it for the slow descent into paranoia and madness.

If you just want to try to find some authors to read: The Borderlands anthology series, paperbacks from the height of the 80s horror boom; there are so many different kinds of stories in here that I can pretty much guarantee you that you won't like some of them but you might well find something new to fall in love with. A lot of these writers are out of print but readily available at used bookstores or for pennies on Amazon.

As always, let me know if you liked any of these or if you have a specific need: it is no longer my job to recommend books and media to people but it is still my very favorite thing to do and I will be obnoxious about it forever

#the magnus archives #tma #horror recs #horror #book recs #movie recs

[tantou]

hello may i please have a shisui take because im struggling to write him and you're the authority 🥺🥺

nrjendfjdf 🥺 omg little ol me... THIS IS KIND OF A BROAD QUESTION AND I'M SOMEWHAT PEA BRAINED but I shall try to deliver. forgive me for my disorganized rambling I am extremely unmedicated.

under a read more because this got embarrassingly long

oh boy. shisui. where to start with this guy. listen I know he was on screen for all of 5 minutes but he contains multitudes inside my head and heart ok.

i'll start by listing off what we Do know about shisui!

in the databook he is described as honest and warmhearted (;-;) and I feel like that's a basic but pretty good assessment yeah. itachi himself told naruto that he felt shisui was a lot like him (you have shisui's soul) (lots to unpack there) HIS AGE IS UNCONFIRMED EVERYWHERE so we're only going off theories but I think its generally accepted that he's 3yrs older than itachi so! he graduated the academy at age 7, top of his class, and in that same year he uh. kinda sorta. let envy get the best of him and let his teammate die an avoidable death, unlocking his mangekyo. and he only revealed this to itachi when he was about to die lmao. he became a jonin at 11 and danzo ended his shit at around 16? the rest is fuzzy because kishi only created him cuz he realized he needed a way for itachi to unlock his own mangekyo sooo. that's where fanon jumps in

i think most of the fandom characterizes him as Itachi's silly little friend that follows him around and cracks jokes and that's fine and everything but! i do wanna point out that the only time we see him act in such a way is when he's around itachi and sasuke, two people he's very close with, and without any info on his mother and knowing that shisui's father was in poor health and likely passed while shisui was still pretty young, we could assume itachi and sasuke are the people he is closest to, period. so it's only natural that he would be comfortable enough to let his guard down around them like that, but the same cannot be said for random villagers or his fellow jonin etc. don't me wrong i think generally he's seen as a very kind and dependable shinobi, very loyal and always willing to lend a hand to those in need, but still yknow is competent and professional and Lethal. i mean. the guy had a flee on sight order in every enemy nation and earned a big name for himself while other kids his age were eating playdoh or making paper airplanes in class. he was a big deal, danzo himself refered to shisui as the strongest uchiha of his time (which i think is very fucking funny btw like fuck fugaku i guess jNFDJF) i am Getting Off Track my bad

ITS HARD TO PIN HIM DOWN TBH especially depending on what you consider canon or not. in the show he's fairly serious, in the ova he is a teddy bear, in the novel he's very Big Bro-like. in the novel anime fillers he is. my sweet baby angel he's very focused on mentoring itachi and its clear that shisui is very good at reading itachi from the start. across the board i wanna say he can feel the stress and stiffness radiating off itachi in waves and he just. wants to help. he knows exactly what buttons to push and how to rustle his feathers and how to set him at ease as well. oh no rox we're getting off track again fuck ITS HARD TO TALK ABT SHISUI AND NOT BRING UP ITACHI they were lichrally besties. okok.

i think the lighthearted cheeky interpretation of him is fine, I do think he's the type to make bad jokes in uncomfortable situations in an attempt to lighten the mood, but, yknow he tries to be sensitive about things either way. we're shown he's analytical and smart and fairly cautious. and he's uchiha, so he's got big big feelings tucked inside his little body. i imagine he carries a lot of grief inside that he doesn't let people see, his priority is helping others and he doesn't want anyone to fuss over him. Silly Characters That Are Profoundly Sad flavored apple juice. his teammate died because of his jealousy and his father fell ill after the war and shisui took on the responsibility of being the breadwinner of the family, which is A Lot for a young kid? in the novel he mentions that his father doesn't recognize him anymore, sounding like he's trying to fight off the sadness he feels and quickly changes the subject because he doesn't want to worry itachi. shisui takes on a lot of burdens and he would've kept taking on even more had danzo not stopped his plan to use kotoamatsukami on the clan and. brainwash them. (imagine walking around the uchiha compound knowing your clan is under an unbreakable genjutsu /you/ put them under) which is terribly fucked up but i think it shows what happens when kids are given these godlike powers? itachi and shisui were running out of time. they knew they needed to find a solution /fast/ to avoid civil war. we saw what happened with itachi and how far he went lol but shisui wasn't far behind him? it's hard to say if he would've gone along with the whole. slaughtering the clan thing. part of me wants to say he would've been naive enough to go along with it like itachi did. shisui himself said he was willing to do whatever it took to keep itachi and sasuke together as a family. maybe his idea of love was just as fucked up as itachi's? if things had turned out differently, would he have turned his sword against the clan himself? alleviating itachi of that burden, getting his hands dirty if it meant his two most important people were kept safe? he's shouldered guilt and grief before and survived, partly because he had itachi in his life, "spending time with you helped me pick myself up again, bit by bit. I'm really grateful to you,"

i don;t know if i see him being close to many people really? i think he almost doesn't trust himself enough for that.

imo he is an opportunist. he knows ppl perceive him as charming and trustworthy and he will use that to his advantage! not above flirting with people to try and get information out of them if the situation calls for it

overall i think shisui's someone that's capable of carrying a lot of darkness and keeping it hidden behind a smile. he's an uchiha, morals often go out the window when Love is involved. I JUST THINK EXPLORING A DARKER SIDE OF HIM WOULD B FUN

good god i talk so mcuh my bad DO I GET INTO THE CRACK HCS NOW? he is a MESS in the kitchen. worse than itachi, nearly sets the place on fire each and every time but somehow? the food always comes out great?? 0/10 process 10/10 result. (7/10 if u ask itachi but that's only bc he's salty about his own cooking skills)

he was always super physically affectionate w itachi and I feel like. he might've grown up touch starved himself? constantly training and taking on missions, his father was unavailable and. in my head I imagine his mother dipped soon after his death so shisui was just. abandoned. deeply lonely but tried to not make it obvious. eventually itachi takes notice of this and starts inviting him over for dinner a lot. insists shisui spends the holidays at his house so he won't have to celebrate alone. oh that's not crack that's just sad huh

is it fucked up that in a modern high school au i always imagine him being the captain of the swim team LMAO. cracking open a sugar free redbull at 6:30am. stayed up til 2am playing cod the night before. no wait he wouldn't play cod unless he's playing against obito, PERSONALLY I think he'd be into the uncharted game series or assassins creed or hades

he orders the most annoying elaborate starbucks secret menu drinks and itachi is EMBARRASSED to be seen with him in public. he's gonna ask for 15 pumps of this and 20 shakes of that but at least he leaves a good tip.

i think a lot about him and obito being good friends in an au where yknow Everyone lives and nothing bad happens. "race u to the hokages office" "who can make itachi laugh first" "bet I can drink more sake than u can" etc generally just giving itachi a massive headache

he's extremely observant and quick to pick up on any little changes or mood shifts. he respects his elders but Does like to push his luck sometimes, only because he knows he can get away with it.

he'd indulge itachi's sweet tooth a lot, take him out for dango or ice cream when he can tell itachi's just brooding at home or has been nonstop training for hours. he also strikes me as a big gift giver? he's not one to really overthink it, if he sees smth he thinks someone might like or need he'll pick it up for them. i like hcing that itachi's necklace was a gift from shisui aha </3 gifts could be anything from jewelry to a new set of shuriken to an Air Fryer or a funny-looking stuffed frog plushie.

i think my brains shutting down i've been rambling for 3hrs and I feel like I said a whole lotta nothing kJNDFDKJFN I'm sorry this is so long but this is what happens when u ask an adhd riddled gemini abt their fav boy

#[out of breath] if you.......want more.......u know where to find me owo7 #SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG TO ANSWER FJDJSK #and good luck writing :D!! #ask

[syuga-s]

As long as we are together, even the endless maze is paradise.

w.c 1.8k

pairing. Changkyun x gn!reader

genre. fluff, still dont know how to classify it but it’s my take on relationships in real life(?)

a/n. mention of svt members <3, this takes place on the universe(?) of the fic i have in progress, got excited and went for this lil scenario, i'll always try to make them as gender-neutral as possible, hope you enjoy (• ε •)

You finally had gotten off work. This shift had been unbelievably chaotic and you couldn’t wait any longer to get home. But of course, it’s raining, today of all days.

Adding the fact that Chloe’s been extremely unpleasant today. You’ve been on bad terms for a while now since she found out about you and Vernon.

You clocked out at the same time and she just wanted to get on your nerves. But you were past being this immature, especially when it came to a guy you haven’t seen since you graduated.

"Just go already, Chloe". 

With that, you went to exit the building and that's when you saw Minghao waiting for a cab –in the rain–.

You tried to get Minghao's attention, so he could get inside with you but you both just ended up at the door frame barely safe from the rain. You hugged even though he was soaking.

You didn’t mind because you haven't seen him in years, and you didn't know you missed the way you felt when you were with him. Strangely so, his hug felt like being 17 again. Can’t tell if it’s a good or bad thing.

You made some small talk about the weather and teased him for standing in the rain. “Are you shooting a music video or something?”

He laughed but quickly changed the subject, "I hope you've been good, I haven't seen you in years but you look really happy".

How can he still be this good at reading me? You could only smile to the ground and gave him a side hug. "I've really missed you Hao; hope you’re doing well too". 

Suddenly, his phone started to ring, and you caught a glimpse of the screen before he asked you "Mind if I answer?" Wonwoo was calling him. "Not at all, go ahead!" You told him with a smile.

Not to be nosy but you wanted to hear this conversation. "I've been waiting for you to pick me up for almost an hour dumbass, are you aware that it's fucking RAINING?"

And of course, you couldn't hear the other person on the line, but you knew perfectly he must've been making a hell of an excuse. "Right, yes, I'm still here, no I'm not alone… just hurry I'm freezing". 

Guess it was inevitable that you'll see Wonwoo in a few minutes.

You broke up more than three years ago and haven't seen him since then. You’re more than ready to rip the band-aid. You didn't exactly end on bad terms, but maybe some awkwardness is still laying in there. Actually, you haven't thought about him in a while. You started to wonder how has he been all this time.

"I thought you were waiting for a cab Hao!! I can still give you a ride if you want"

"Aw y/n no, don't worry about it, I'm going out with the guys, so I'll have to take you up on that offer another time"

"Alright then, you have to promise me we'll catch up soon, it’s been too long”.

It was as if the world was telling you to wrap it up because you saw a very familiar car approaching the street, and immediately your phone started ringing too.

You saw that it was almost 9:00 P.M. Changkyun hasn't got here? You signaled Minghao that you were going to answer your phone and got inside the building again.

"Hi my baby!!! I'm sorry for running late the guys got me caught up at work BUT I AM ALREADY ON THE WAY I'LL SEE YOU IN LITERALLY TWO MINUTES"

You could hear how worried your boyfriend was and it was so endearing that you couldn't help but laugh at the way he was screaming in the car.

"It's okay baby I ran into someone here at work too, I got distracted and didn't notice the time, but please DRIVE SAFE IT’S RAINING BUT ALSO hurry upppp” You ended up with a pout as if he could see your expression.

"I'm hurrying I swear!!! —YES — your man has arrived at the destination". “Ok, ‘my man’ needs to come get me please” he made you laugh at his words. “I'm here at the door BYE"

With that, you went outside again, and you couldn't have imagined that you would see all these guys in front of you EVER AGAIN. Nor that they would get out of the car just to say hello to you. But maybe that's your mistake cause they have always been friends, still after everything that happened.

So, there they were, Wonwoo, Jihoon, Chan, Jun, and Minghao. All eyes on you, all of them waiting for the other to talk to you first, but everyone noticed how your eyes immediately went to Wonwoo and you both smiled at each other. Jihoon was happy that you made eye contact with him, even though he noticed there was nothing for him behind your eyes.

You were the first one to talk. 

"Hey there you guys, Hao told me you were going out!" You said while looking at Chan. "Yeah, we're headed to the Lucky 94!!"

"Want to join us?" You heard Jun ask, and before you could say no, your knight in shining armor shouted your name. "BABYYYY!!" Yes, your official name is baby, what about it? 

All of you turned to the left side of the street where Changkyun was power walking to you. It came as a surprise to all of them, no one knew you were in a relationship at the moment, but after all these years they should've known, they knew how private you were about your entire life. 

When Changkyun got by your side he just wrapped his hand in yours and flashed all the guys in front of him one of his prettiest smiles. As if he didn't look threatening as fuck.

Your love for him was only growing by the second. "Guys this is my boyfriend Changkyun, unfortunately, I have to deny your offer tonight because we already have plans, but I hope we see each other again soon!”

"It's okay y/n we can plan something another time, you look really good by the way" Wonwoo finally spoke and Changkyun tightened his grip on you.

"Thank you Wonwoo, have fun tonight. It was nice to see all of you" Having said this, your eyes landed on Jihoon, who was now leaning against the car, ready to get away from there.

Maybe at another point in your life, you would've sensed something negative by seeing him in this circumstance. But all you could find inside you was a trace of the love you had for him when you were a teenager. 

You quickly decided that you wouldn’t give him this space in your head. Neither of you deserved to revisit those feelings that you already went through years ago. 

Especially now when you have this wonderful person by your side, it wasn't a coincidence that he got there at this exact moment. Making you appreciate the little things he does for you that say, “I’m here, and I care so deeply about you”. Your life with Changkyun has intertwined so profoundly that everything comes easy with him.

You all said your goodbyes, and you started walking to the parking lot. You got to your boyfriend’s car, but you didn’t get inside just yet, Changkyun stared at you and your eyes told him everything he needed to know. Your boyfriend swiftly wrapped you up in a much-needed hug.

Since he called you, he knew something was going on, he has gotten good at sensing the way you were feeling. In moments like this, you were happy to know that his heart was as invested in you as you were with him. He softly spoke in your ear “Let’s get inside baby, it’s cold as hell in here”.

He opened your door, and you waited for him to get inside. You searched for his embrace once again, his arms made you feel so at home that you were glad he came to get you tonight, and you had to let him know this. “Today was hard,” You said, still clinging to his arms, not minding the incredibly uncomfortable pose you got yourself into just so you could be hugged by your boyfriend for a few more minutes. “Thanks for picking me up tonight”

“You know that I would come for you every day if you just let me, you stubborn baby” You laughed against his chest and gave him a light punch at this arm. “Hey, hey let’s not get violent in here, I’m sensitive,” He told you while laughing and ended up with a tender kiss to the top of your head. 

You don’t know much, but you do know you love him. When he smiles like this, the world seems to fade away with all your problems, and he’s all you can see. Every time he’s singing in the car on your way home, the outside noise doesn’t even exist anymore. All you want to do is grab his face and kiss him, but that would mean he’d stop singing. And when he looks at you with those beautiful brown eyes, when he places his hand on yours, when he lets you rest your head in his chest, and listen to the beat of his heart, just his mere existence makes you believe that you found this little piece of heaven within him.

The love you were always searching for, you found it with him. No one else had been able to make you feel like you were bursting with love, and you always believed that that needed to happen for you to be in a relationship with someone. You always knew that love isn’t meant to be hard, nor it makes you lose the person that you are. For you, it was about sharing your souls, goals, and perspectives, cause when the time to be together would come, your lives would already be made, and you would just be together supporting each other, still maturing. And that this person would only make you feel safe, happy, and loved. Changkyun was your definition of love.

Your relationship with him made you further confirm this. You thought it would scare you to be vulnerable around him but opening your heart to him was one of the easiest things you’ve ever done. You’re aware you were complete without him. And he knew this. But being by his side, experiencing life with him, made you want to be so much better. You only wanted to support him every step of the way. It made you want to be stronger with him. You wanted both of you to grow together and help each other grow individually. And the fact that he was on the same page with you about this, knowing that you don’t need each other but you really fucking want to be together, makes you think you have a pretty great shot at this. 

You know, undoubtedly, you are in love with this man. And it feels a hundred times better to know he loves you too. 

#monsta x #i.m #im changkyun #changkyun #changkyun imagines #changkyun monsta x #changkyun fanfic #changkyun fluff #monsta x fluff #monsta x fanfic #monsta x oneshot #changkyun oneshot #changkyun scenarios

[bnhablessings]

Can I request a oneshot/headcanon for Hawks x pregnant fem!reader? I was thinking of Hawks being super cute taking care of her and showing her off proudly to other hero's. this is my first time making a request, so feel free to do with this as you please lolz! also I really want the end to have reader going into labor and giving birth at the end with a very proud Hawks at her side (you get to choose the gender!)💖

It took me so long to get to this omg but I did and I hope you like it, Hon! It is past midnight and I have a weird obsession with tomatoes right now.

Warnings: Pregnancy, just a fluff overload, Profanity, All Might is retired, Dabi and Hawks are good friends AU (we ignore the manga, only happy feelings here lmao)

*I have fixed grammar issues. My brain power was not activated when writing this lol.

Words: 2438

Takami Keigo (Hawks) x Female Reader

“Isn’t she just amazing?” Hawks questions not really speaking to anyone else as he just admires the woman waddling down the hallway.

The other Pro Heroes around him stare at him with confusion. Aizawa, Yamada, Yagi, and Todoroki Enji all take a glance at each other before they wait for the woman to make her way to them. All of them but Hawks are profoundly confused.

“Uh… This was supposed to be a parent-teacher conference so may I ask why Hawks is here as well?” All Might asks.

Hawks ignores them as he watches the woman stopping for a moment to speak to a student. She looks genuinely concerned and it makes his foolish heart swell from how caring she is. Endeavor wants to slap the foolish look off Hawks face but ignores it to answer All Might.

“I apologize. We had lunch together before this meeting. He decided to follow me but I have no idea why.” The tone to Endeavor’s voice shows that he is irritated but curious as to why the number 2 hero seems to be enamored with a simple U.A teacher.

She hasn’t noticed him yet thankfully and he has proudly gotten a video of her waddling. The closer to she gets the more the expression on her face slowly turns into one of realization. The students at U.A respect and care for her so they always make room for her.

“Hey, Honey, what are you doing here?”  You ask softly as you place a hand on your very large bump.

He goes to respond when your colleague Present Mic starts to let out an inhuman sound that turns into a surprised scream. “What?! Honey?! (NAME) YOU’RE MARRIED TO THE HAWKS?!” Present Mic screeches.

You ignore the change in volume and laugh as you nod your head. Aizawa seems to nod as he pieces it together. “Ah… You did mention Tokoyami’s internship being close with your husband.”

“BUT WAIT! You’re married? All my attempts on wooing you have been in vain,” Present Mic mumbles.

Everyone seems to freeze at this but you just laugh more. “Yamada, have you not noticed my ring? I’ve been wearing it every day since working here!” You manage to say after laughing.

He has absolutely no reply but to slowly put his hands up to show surrender from Hawks’ glare on him. Without a care, Hawks pulls you to him so he can hug you with your baby bump blocking it fully. His hands go to rest upon it and he smiles widely.

“See! I told you I have a beautiful family too, Endeavor.”

Endeavor for once has to hide the smile on his face as he looks away. He replies, “Yeah. I thought you were speaking nonsense or showing me pictures of random pregnant women.”

“Nope! I can guess why you would be confused… Since I never showed her face. We have a little chickadee coming on the way!” The excitement is clear in his voice and on his face from the happy lazy grin plastered on it.

He looks at the others and bids them goodbye. “Well, I am going to steal her so she can have her lunch with me. See ya.”

~*~

“Baby, I promise, it is okay! I’ll be fine. I’ll see you later when you get home! I’m just happy you visited for lunch,” You say into the phone. Your other hand goes to your purse to look for your keys.

You hear Hawks mumble and whine on the other side of the phone but you ignore it until you find the keys successfully. “Alright, babe. I’ll be fine. I’ll text you when I reach the house. I love you!”

After hearing his ‘I love you more’ he hangs up and you smile feeling great. This is unusual since the pregnancy hormones have made you feel like shit lately. It’s all going to be worth it though.

“Hey, do you need me to walk you home?” Aizawa questions as he enters the hall.

You think for a few seconds before you ask, “Would you be willing to walk me to the station? I’ll be fine from there since I’m planning on stopping by a store! I don’t want to waste too much of your time!”

He nods and the two of you begin the walk to the station. It starts as a comfortable silence before Aizawa speaks up with a smile on his face. “You know, I had no idea you were married to the Number 2 Pro Hero. It surprised me but at the same, it didn’t. What surprised me though was seeing the way he stared at you. You have a good thing going,” Aizawa states.

It was odd for him to give his input like that but it made you feel happy to know that Hawks’ love for you was just that noticeable. Once at the station, Aizawa gives you a look, something an older brother would a younger sibling or parent would their child before giving a demand.

“Call me if anything happens. I’m on patrol for a while so I’ll be near this area. Be safe going home, (Name).”

Today has been such a heartwarming day and Aizawa’s words only bring you more joy as you bid him a farewell.

It doesn’t take long to reach the store close to your home. You salivate at the thought of getting what you crave most. An odd combination that most people would puke from but what you need to satisfy you and your baby right now, tomatoes and frosting.

You can just imagine Hawks’ disgusted look but it wasn’t the worst thing you’ve had yet. You go to turn when your baby bump hits something off the shelf. Thankfully, it was just another plastic can full of icing so it didn’t break. Now the new problem was picking up the jar.

You know it was a near-impossible feat but you try anyway. You probably look very silly trying to reach and barely scraping the can with your fingernails but you don’t care. You are determined to do it. That is until you hear an obvious cough trying to get your attention.

You give up for now and look at the owner only to smile upon seeing the man you saw earlier. “Hello, Mr. Endeavor! We’ve met officially earlier but not formally. I am Takami (Name). It’s a pleasure to meet you and I apologize if my husband gets a bit too much to handle. He can be very chillaxed but he does take his job seriously,” You ramble.

“Pleasure.”

He merely observes you with serious eyes before he bends down and picks up the icing jar. He hands it to you. “Thank you! I would’ve been in a pickle there if I couldn’t reach it,” You murmur placing it back on the shelf where it belongs.

One of his eyebrows betray his lack of expression to show his slight confusion and you laugh. “I already have my icing in this arm! The baby bump knocked over that one.”

He doesn’t say anything in reply to that. Instead, he seems to contemplate saying something. He just needs a few seconds before he decides to say it against his better judgment.

“Hawks... He’s the Number 2 Pro Hero and extremely famous. How is it I never even heard or seen you? I thought he was fibbing about having a wife since he only produced photos of your bump and not of your actual face,” He didn’t want to ask it but the curiosity got the best of him and it was unusual to him.

The question made you smile but this time with a bit of sadness. You’ve received this question just a few times before but the answer remains the same. “We try to hide our relationship and it is easy when his fans like to think he is single. It doesn’t matter but we have private social medias for our friends. We like to keep my face hidden and such.”

The atmosphere turned a bit tense and for once (actually probably like the fifth time since Hawks had been determined in making him a better Number 1 Hero) he feels guilty. Something strange feels like it’s churning in his chest and he quickly fixes it.

“He does talk an awful lot about you though. It’s clear as day how much he loves you and your baby.” It was a simple two-sentences but it brought comfort to you.

He leaves without any more words and you are brought back to your cheerful self and go to pay for the items. By the time you get home, it is already showing signs of getting dark. You are quick to send a text to Hawks and it distracts you from realizing something odd is wrong with your door. The fact that it is unlocked.

You lock your front door once inside and go straight to the kitchen to slice the tomatoes and spread icing on them. You waste absolutely no time as you have it all ready on a plate and leave the room to go change into something more comfortable.

Of course, only Hawks’ shirts have been fitting you lately and you prefer them much more than your maternity clothing. So you wear that and a pair of shorts before coming to get your treat and hopefully take a nap. That was the plan before you have a fucking heart attack from seeing a burnt toast eating your food.

“How the fuck do you eat this?” Dabi questions spitting a tomato slice out of his mouth.

Your heart is absolutely broken at the scene. You ignore the bully of a man and stare at the red and white mess on the ground. How dare he do this to you?

“Oh fuck… (Name), please don’t do this. I’m sorry. I’ll go buy you a new fucking tomato if you want. With the fucking confetti icing and shit. Just don’t cry… Or tell Hawks,” Dabi says.

It is too late though. The damage has been done as your hormones go berserk from seeing what you craved on the ground (yes your mind is ignoring the perfectly good slices still on the plate). Tears prick at your eyes and before you can rub them away or cry, Dabi brings you into a hug.

As you cry into his chest he is already on the phone with Hawks but with your uncontrollable sobs, you don’t hear the conversation. After a few painful minutes (for Dabi) he finally pulls away only for your face to be smothered by your loving husband’s chest.

He hushes you gently and rubs soothing circles on your back all while glaring at his best friend.

Dabi raises his hand in defense. “Hey man, I just came here to visit the princess with good intentions. Thanks for bringing the tomato. I owe you one.”

Another minute later Dabi presents to you a brand new plate with a tomato covered in icing. You sniffle lightly and take it before mumbling, “Thanks. Sorry for the way I acted. That was pathetic.”

“Hey no, it wasn’t Doll. I take full blame for eating your weird food. That and it is 100% Hawks’ fault for knocking you up Beautiful. Anyway, I got to bounce but are we good?” Dabi asks opening his arms for another hug.

You smile and give in. “We’re always good. Now get out of here. We’ll invite you over for a chicken wing dinner,” You offer.

He leaves with a stupid smile on his face and Hawks smiles as he can finally full-on cuddle you without interruptions. Of course, after you are done eating. He pulls you to cuddle on the couch with him, his wings stretched out and resting against the couch.

“You good, Babe?”

You nod the exhaustion pouring in on your face, “Yeah. Sorry I ended up making you come home early. I didn’t mean to get like that.”

“It’s all good. I would do anything for you and the baby. No tomato is safe from being devoured by you if that is what you desire.”

You are too tired to even give a response to that. Instead, you try and curl up into him as you make sure your bump is comfortable at the same time. His hands rest on your belly as he hums into your ear.

“What only two months left now?”

Yeah, and they are going to fly right by.

~*~

“You had to come in through the window?” Hawks asks in a hushed voice.

Dabi only smirks before his eyes fall on your resting figure. Hawks is sitting right beside you on the bed. The sweet bundle of joy he came to meet is resting in Hawks’ arms right beside you.

“Can’t impress anyone if I didn’t. All the Heroes come by already?” Dabi asks as he takes slow and steady steps to the three of you.

You smile weakly as you recall your three colleagues coming in to check on you and meet the baby (that Hawks may or may not have shoved in their face from how proud he was). Endeavor came by as well to congratulate you and Hawks.

“Yeah. All there is left now is to meet you,” You murmur as Hawks stands up.

Dabi gets a close look at the baby’s squishy face. He wants to say it’s hideous as a joke (he was planning on how to do joke about it though) but he couldn’t. The baby was actually cute. However, to his absolute horror, Hawks starts to proceed to give the baby to him.

“What the fuck. What if I drop it?”

You answer in a sleepy voice. “Drop her and I will personally send you to hell.”

“Her… What name did you guys come up with?”

Hawks answers without hesitation. “Tomato.”

Dabi physically freezes and looks up before seeing the stupid grin on Hawks’ face. He turns to you and you smile a gentle smile and give up the true answer. “Takara, it means treasure. Takami Takara.”

“I’ll take the chair. I’ll hold her while you guys rest up for a bit.”

You thank him and Hawks silently thanks him before showing off his severely bruised hand that you no doubt, destroyed when pushing during labor.

It is a pain Hawks would gladly go over again and endure for you because you are everything to him. You and your beautiful daughter mean the world to him and he would go through this life a million times if it meant having the two of you again.

#boko no hero academia #my hero academia #hawks #hawks x reader #takami keigo #keigo takami x reader #request #fluff #bnha fanfiction #bnha oneshot #fanfiction #oneshot #Dabi #dabi eats a tomato and reader cries that is the summary #cute #bnha hawks #bnha dabi

[having-a-hyperfixate]

The Final Day’‘

This is absolutely going to be long and rambley af so I’mma just put a cut here. This is just one massive post for the entire rest of the game.

Rindo is back in the RG somehow. Which makes less than no sense. What was that crazy beam. Shibuya is GONE there isn’t an RG to send him back to, even if someone did want to send him back?

That beam reminded me of the Jesus beams not gonna lie.

But… Fret. Presumably Nagi and Beat too. They’re. Gone. Poor Rindo… That’s the worst kind of gaslighting. Reality itself is gaslighting this poor kid. ‘Your best friend in the world is gone, so gone that no one remembers him. You don’t even get to mourn properly because there is no one TO mourn.’  I am also not okay.

I assume this random talking to us at Hachiko is the dude I saw a brief glimpse of in a screenshot from the final trailer. Hazuki Mikagi, okay. Everything about this is supremely weird. 

Leading this weirdo around and he asked how we feel about emotions? Um, what?

Was he responsible for that beam of light?

This whole thing is extremely unsettling, I don’t think I like it. The music is all… serene, this guy keeps asking existential questions, who even comes up to some kid clearly having a bad day and demands a tour of the city.

He knows Rindo’s name even though we never told him. Not sure if that was a slip or an intentional nudge that Something is going on but there we go.

‘I should take this chance to apologize for Kubo. He’s a real piece of work.’ WHAT. YOU SEND HIM TO SHINJUKU?!?! IS THIS KID GOD!? WHAT!??!

‘Exorcised’. Like a demon. Which is a psychic rank you can get in the first game, and probably this game, ergo, a thing that exists in this universe.

Okay. So this Hazuki guy is Something Else. I dunno if he’s an Angel or higher or WHAT. He’s something. And he “exorcised” what Fuckwad had Fallen to when he decided not to stop at Shinjuku and continue on to Shibuya. But he only did this after Rindo faught so hard to stop it. And then he gave Rindo what he thought Rindo wanted. And now he’s here trying to understand why Rindo is miserable. Which to us, as humans, is obvious: the people he loved, the connections and family he had made through the game are all gone and worse, no one remembers they ever existed.

And now he’s being offered the chance to try again. This feels like a double edged sword. And I don’t care.

Okay I actually kind of appreciate the thing Hazuki is pulling here. He knows what it is that Rindo wants, I’m pretty sure he’s listening to his thoughts, actually, and in order to make Rindo own up to it he’s arguing the ‘no’ position. Giving Rindo someone to argue against so he can convince himself.

WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAPPEN AT UDAGAWA.

Bruh some of these clips were in the announcement trailer.

(I can’t wait to read the secret reports. That’s gonna be a wild ride.)

Oooooh that’s what ‘exorcised’ means. That is hardcore. He definitely deserved it but that is uh. Slightly inconvenient.

Can we actually contact Rhyme this time PLEASE. Oooh Rindo worked out Kaie is waiting for Rhyme. :O I’M FINALLY GONNA GET MY MASSIVE COUNTER OFFENSIVE FUCK YES. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH I’M PUMPED LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOOO!!!!

Who’s gonna protect them. Beat. Really. Just give them the damn pins at this point. They both know their ways around a fight and Kaie might need the backup. If we lose, we’re all toast regardless, and if we win everyone gets put back where they belong.

AAAAAAAAAAAH SHE’S HERE!!! RHYME!!!! Aw… She can’t see Neku and Shoka cuz they’re actually dead. That’s really depressing. Makes sense but like. Oof. Especially for Neku.

I love that Rhyme still has a saying for everything.

This timeline is going to be a mess by the time I get everything positioned correctly lmao

Beat’s ‘How do you know about my sister?! Right, future.’ is never going to NOT be funny. It’s very refreshing to have a time travel plot where people just listen when he tells them shit needs to happen.

Is it acutaly Shiki time ohh my god. I might cry. Please tell me she has a face now. If her face is still illegal I will actually scream.

I’m offended. We didn’t get to go see Shiki. The betrayal. OH but now we might be? Stop playing with me, game. GIVE. ME. SHIKI.

Rindo was freaking out that we weren’t gonna be able to get rid of all the Noise around the café and I definitely threw my hands up and yelled when I saw the word ‘zeptogram’. And I read it before he said it, cuz I read v. fast. Nice to see you again, idiot. Please don’t go berserk again.

I am. Very impressed that Minamimoto managed to work out where the Dissonance Noise are coming from, down to the exact energy source that creates them. He nailed it. Well done sir.

I think… he’s proposing we awaken the city and use the energy generated by the thoughts and emotions of the living people to neutralize some of the Dissonance Noise that are waiting in the pin. Erode some of its power.

“How about this: I’ll talk, you type.” Lmao.

I got denied Shiki again. Part of me is annoyed. The other part of me is like ‘are they saving her entrance for when she can see Neku again properly because I can live with that’.

OH the Hishima cutscene is voiced now OKAY. Guess that means this is the one. Rhyme is voiced too. This is gonna be it.

And she speaks Minamioto. Coo.

Huh. Neku’s power is to sync with people. Which he learned to do in the first game. From Mr H, with the harmonizer pin. (Twister is playing and I have Emotions help) And now he’s gonna do it on an absolutely MASSIVE scale. This is insane. I am 1,000% here for it. Sync, Dive, Remind. And if I had to guess, we’re doing this atop 104.

Alright Shiba. ‘Mere. Tsugumi’s eyes aren’t all freaky anymore yay. Oh snap. He’s gonna unleash the Plague Noise against the Dissonance ones. Nice. Turnabout is fair play. I’m kinda sad Fuckwad isn’t here to witness that.

Alright. Change. Our. Fate.

SHIIIIIIIIIIKKKKKKKKKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I gave myself a headache ow.

“07734.” “Ew. Hey! Don’t just spout off numbers and walk away, you jerk!” That was amazing.

FUCK ME SIDEWAYS. OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. NO. NO WAY. I DIDN’T THINK THERE WAS ANY WAY. OH. MY. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. This is the first time Neku’s seen him since Joshua failed to stop Coco from killing him. I’m. A puddle. Help. Neku looked so happy. My cat is slightly concerned haha.

Neku still holds his hands like he’s got the headphones. The same pose as in the first game when you scan. This gives me all the feels.

“They’re just mindless thoughts” Okay so I’m mentally exhausted at this point and I processed that as ‘thots’ and it was hilarious. BEGONE THOTS.

Okay this thing right here? This is a final boss. And it is cool as fuck. Too bad it’s trying to END ME. So cool. SO. COOL. Here comes phase 2 lol. I died and had to redo it. FML.

That. Was awesome. A worthy successor to the epic final strike of the first game. 999% eh?

I continue to not like Shinjuku rules. Once you’re a Reaper, leaving means you get erased once the game ends? Disrespectfully, fuck that. Oh don’t you dare, Shoka. Don’t. You. Dare.

Oh, Joshua is here. PLEASE. Lmao Shoka’s reaction. I’m sure he appreciates that, the drama queen.

*facepalms* Joshua strikes again. I’ve missed you, you little shit. You are terrible, but I missed you. Rindo, I’m pretty sure she’s fine. I think captain helpful over here reincarnated her for you. Since you saved him and his city. I guess I’ll see though.

Uzuki and Kariya continue to be adorable. I love them. And yeah, good luck calling in that debt from Minamimoto, Coco. Gooooood luck.

I’m having a lot of Joshua centered emotions right now there is too much Joshua all at once help. “I should have known I could trust you.” You are killing me dude. You really, really should have. I’m going to turn that line over in my head for way too long, I just know it, but let’s try to get through this before my brain turns off completely. “Let’s not keep her waiting.” OKAY THANKS I’M GONNA CRY AGAIN.

What Hazuki was saying about ‘purifying’ as opposed to ‘destroying’ Shinjuku makes me think that restarting it in some form was always part of the plan, so hopefully they’ll have luck with that. It’s still profoundly fucked up that any of that happened, and even more so that it was sanctioned. I’m. Going to be hung up on that for a while once it sinks in.

This poor idiot hitting on Rhyme is about to get got oh no XD

Shiki is breaking my heart. Aaaaaaaah!!! Reunioooooon.

Ooof it’s been a month since Rindo saw Shoka. Big oof. Joshuaaaaaa.

And then they almost got hit by a car lmao. OMG HE MISSED HER FRIEND REQUESTS AHAHAHAHAH YOU GOOBER. Neku really should have warned them that Joshua is Like That lol. Even when he’s being helpful it’s in the must backhanded way possible.

I would very much like to know why on earth Shinjuku needed to be obliterated though. Like. Does that… Happen often? Maybe the secret reports say.

Speaking of, time to get those, along with the rest of the trophies.

!!!! The title screen updated, NICE. Can’t let anyone who hasn’t beaten it see that but NICE.

There’s another Another Day. Oh boy. I am not ready for that madness yet.

Random thought as I was moving this from word, where I typed it: I’m really, really fucking glad they didn’t decide to deal with Mr H the way they dealt with sleezy mcfuckwad. That would have been… I don’t have a word.

#let's liveblog: neo twewy #w3d7'' #neo twewy spoilers

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

@theeyethatbinds​ Girl SING IT. SING IT LOUDER FOR THE GIRLS IN THE BACK, SWEAR TO GOD.

Like I’m gonna be real wit y’all I was looking forward to le Comte for a while, but I was always side-eyeing Jeanne. He’s a blunt hermit and grump and 100% mood, so I hoped his route would give me more insight into how I feel about him.

Ladies. When I tell you. It was EXCELLENT. I mean there are so many gr9 routes in the game, I don’t want to take away from them, but there was just something about his that hit me so hard???? (MY KOKORO BROKORO)

More under the cut since his route won’t be out for a little while (we still got Isaac, then Theo, then Jeanne), as a little treat. As usual, pls don’t read if you don’t want spoilers, thanks!

Okay so going into this route I was fully expecting the big sads. I mean, if history has taught us anything it was that Joan D’Arc was a badass but good lord, that doesn’t mean the people of her time were kind to her. (I need to do more thorough research on her, so if I’m getting any of her pronouns wrong or neglect something, I do apologize.)

That being sad, I was like aight DECK MY SHIT WITH TRAGEDY, JEANNE. And at the beginning it’s p fascinating. He’s very ornery and resistant to any kind of consideration or attempts at friendship MC extends. But eventually, after a good deal of persistence, he relents little by little.

I’d also like to level with y’all for a sec. Being someone who knows a great deal in regards to the kinds of mental and emotional shit Jeanne struggles through, I think they handled that part of the route so, so well. Granted, I’m not the kind of person to launch a crusade over different writing styles--but for me it just feels all the more poignant when it makes sense; when certain dispositions or trauma are conveyed with that depth. To me, it made 100% sense that Jeanne would be so against accepting other people into his life immediately.

He and Mozart vibe because they’re so similar, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s comfortable letting just anyone in--much less a complete stranger. I think it’s more that Mozart and Jeanne share a kind of indelible bond/mutual recognition through their talent, actually. They were both prodigies, absolute geniuses in their fields (military vs. music) but their social skills were shot to hell for the very same reason. To be brilliant--beyond one’s potential posthumous legacy--tends to mean being hated. Plus, they’re both principled to absolute extremes. When they’ve decided on something, they will not waver. They’re stubborn and austere, but behind those walls lies a molten core of sensitivity.

This is important to understanding him, I think, before I move forward.

While one could argue that their reaction is a result of that deficiency of emotional and social support (which I entirely concede does contribute to the matter at hand, it shouldn’t be overlooked) I think the real crux of the matter here is control. Think about it. Among the oldest residents in the mansion (let’s say that were born more than 100 years within the range of the present period of the game) are Mozart, Jeanne, Isaac, and Shakespeare. What do they all have in common?

Extremity. For Mozart, it comes in the form of a kind of OCD, as perfectionism. For Jeanne, it is generalized anxiety and PTSD. For Isaac, it is primarily social anxiety--but it’s still noticeably severe. And Shakespeare runs around with a knife, insecurity through the roof, literally unable to trust anything or anyone (psychosis? schizoaffective? I’m really not sure, these are all ballpark assessments based on the evidence I have). In order to adjust to their new surroundings, there was a cost--and in some ways their coping mechanisms become noticeably maladaptive. They were born into eras that were mercilessly unpredictable, and the only way they knew how to cope was to was to either take the blame--make it a personal failing that tragedy struck--or try to immerse themselves into their craft. They all seek to regain some kind of control (this is even visible in Vincent, to a degree--painting was an escape from his emotionally turbulent world).

Granted that’s not to say that the others don’t struggle with such issues at all, I just feel like the characters from more unstable time periods tend (as a general trend) to mirror that instability within their personalities.

All that being said, (I apologize I am a tangent-monger and love meta), Jeanne’s self-imposed isolation is only partially caused by the above dynamic. Yes, he is unwilling to let people into his heart for fear of betrayal. (It’s almost like an entire nation clamoring to watch you burn for something you didn’t do after spending your entire life and talents trying to protect them would do that to you, but I digress >:| ). But there’s another devastating and potentially less obvious reason for keeping people out.

He thinks he deserves it.

Loneliness, melancholy, aimlessness. These are all the punishments that he incurred on himself after a life of what he conceives to be considerable sin (hahaha battlefield enemies go ripppp). Whether or not he was operating purely out of a sense of duty, even if he felt sympathy for his enemy combatants, it’s not enough. And the condemnation of his king, of his entire nation, only served to magnify that self-loathing to a dangerous degree. (Don’t get me started on his parents I’m still so angry >:| they more or less disowned him since he was constitutionally weak as a young boy, and thus could not serve as an adequate farmhand. Don’t work? Don’t eat/live).

It’s hard enough living in a reserved way because you’re afraid of getting hurt, but to think that you deserve it when hurt finds you, no less? And my favorite part, that he’s so profoundly sure that it is an extension of a personal, fundamental failing? That for a person to survive, they must be strong, that there can be no other way--that there is no time or space for ruminations on fairness or unfairness, there are only those who manage to survive and those who die.

Now my friends, esteemed comrades, legendary sluts. Is that enough for us, Cybird asks, are we feeling enough pain quite yet? Fuck no.

Most of his route after we get over the hurdle of his hesitation is just him. Being. Bashful and gentle as all FUCK. Like he is the definition of “I'll kill you, but also I’m babie.” For instance, she insists on teaching him how to read and write at night when she finds him trying (and not succeeding) to read “The Ugly Duckling”. Yes I mean the children’s book. I CRIED THE FIRST TIME AND I’M CRYING NOW. So, naturally, MC buys him a notebook to practice with and he puts his name in big letters on the front. When MC sees this, she asks him about it--wondering why he would given he’s so self-conscious of his own writing (boy writes all squiggly like a little kid because he’s never done it before ;-;).

The scene goes a little something like this:

MC: Wh....whatcha go there Jeanne? Jeanne: ? My notebook? MC: I...mean that you wrote your name on it? Jeanne: Yeah? MC: Why? Jeanne: ._. It was a gift from you, and I figured it'd be hard to practice if I lost it...so I put my name on it... (HE WAS SECRETLY TOUCHED I BET AND IM--) MC: Why such big letters? Jeanne: So people can spot it quickly, obviously MC, inches from crying and laughing: Jeanne: Mademoiselle??? Why are you laughing? MC: Because you’re cute, Jeanne!

Like. They start out so rocky and Jeanne is so SIGH. I guess I’ll agree if it’ll get her to stop looking so sad and ask me to join her for stuff. But then he just can’t help but go full softe at how patient and kind she is, starts feeling comfortable just...being who he is deep down. A man that’s always hoped for better in life, a person that only ever takes up his sword to protect--that has an incredibly pure and clear heart, despite so much pain.

And good lord, they are GOD TIER romantic slow burn???? Swear to everything holy, I was BEGGING for them to make out by like chapter 10, I was just suffering for most of the route until the bangarang premium. Here’s probably my favorite moment in the entire route:

Basically Sebastian and Mozart pull out all the stops trying to bring Jeanne and MC together (once they see Jeanne show some interested in her). And so Jeanne asks her to join him in the courtyard the next morning, and they’re playing with Cherie (Jeanne’s pet baby white tiger). Besides being ungodly adorable--because Jeanne invited her for the sole purpose of hoping to see her delightfully surprised--Mozart begins to play a love song nearby. They don’t name the tune, but Jeanne canonically starts singing along (I wholeass cried, I WANT TO HEAR HIM SING????). And so she asks what the song is about, and he explains that Mozart once played it for him, but he couldn’t make out the words at first. Mozart explained that it was a love song that speaks to the difficulties of being in love (the worry, the strife) but also the beauty of the intensity and passion. He goes on to say that even when he learned the words, it never made much sense to him back then--it never resonated.

He’s singing softly with a fond look, and so she asks, does he understand it now? And he looks her dead in the eye, and says “...I think I’m starting to.” Like. AM I SUPPOSED TO NOT LOSE MY MIND AT THE TENDERNESS????? WHAT A SMOOTH MOFO????? MAN RAISED TO BE A SOLDIER, NO KNOWLEDGE OF ROMANCE OR WOMEN, AND KILLS ME IN MILLISECONDS?????? I DEMAND JUSTICE. (Or it’s just me thinking sincerity is the best aphrodisiac, but that’s beside the point.)

This has been your quarantine 2d boy meta and yelling, provided by your local mod Minnie. Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s time to get to the things I’ve been procrastinating on while reliving/dissociating about one of my favorite rts in the entire game. Stay safe and well out there y’all, peace out!

#ikemen vampire #ikevamp #ikevamp spoilers #ikevamp jeanne #ikevamp mozart #yall like #this reply just launched me right back into my jeanne feels #i dont have words for how much i love him #he's just such a good dude????? such a good dude #he really is trying his best pls give him love for me if you can #i binged his route almost as hard as sg's bc it was just t h a t sweet and compelling #i also cried like a baby #he deserves better and he deserves love #i will protect him forever #does that mean that in every single route i am acutely aware of the fact that I can't help him? #:))))))))))))))))))))))))))) life is pain. life is a party and jeanne and i are the pinatas. #and no i dont wanna talk abt it there will be no more questions LDKJH #just kidding around if anyone has any questions yall are free to send em! I'll answer to the best of my ability~ #anyhoot ty @theeyethatbinds for bringing all those good feels back #you are a legend and you have wonderful taste we stan **cheers**

[cyn-00]

37? from fluff? with morgan tryna be scary and tough but spencer is like no no no. you’re a teddy bear😂

OH this turned out so cheesy and fluffy Dumb Anon Who Hates Fluff from the other day is gonnna throw up 💞 (also: this is much longer than the others! hope you don't mind).37) "You're just a softie."

Prompt list (requests currently closed)

Read it on AO3

-------------

Reid, JJ and Rossi's attention was abruptly captured by the doors of the police station slamming open; the handcuffed unsub along with some officers, Prentiss and a very angry-looking Morgan making their way inside.

The genius stopped taking pins off of the map, a nauseous feeling boiling in his stomach as he registered a second too late that the guy's gaze was fixated on him and him only; regardless having a whole room of people among which his eyes could wander, a whole room of people staring at him like you would stare at an exotic but icky bug trapped in a glass box.

The look deep inside the criminal's eyes was disgusting to say the very least, but something similar to fascination denied the young profiler to tear his gaze away.

It was only when the man smirked at him that the feeling of being violated overpowered whatever sort of "scientific" interest Spencer had toward the pedophile they'd just caught.

-

"Reid?"

Spencer swallowed almost audibly and met Morgan's eyes.

"Mmh?"

"You alright there, kid?" the man asked taking a step closer, concern drawing his eyebrows together as though pulled toward one another with invisible threads.

Spencer made the mistake of glimpsing one last time at the unsub, only partially hidden by his boyfriend's broad shoulders.

Derek stood imperceptibly straighter, carefully turning his head.

He didn't need more than a fifth of a second to pick up on what was happening.

"Wh- son of a bitch." he hissed, taking large steps toward the man sitting on a chair by the wall, at safe distance from Spencer - apparently not safe enough, though.

"What the hell, man??! Get him out of here!"

The distracted police officer hardly guarding the criminal winced at the loudness of Morgan's voice.

"Wha-"

"NOW!!"

A shorter but older officer came to his inexperienced colleague's aid, forcefully dragging the unsub toward an empty room.

Morgan never stopped glaring at the man, a dead weight lazily thumping his feet at each step as though all his physical effort were being exploited to keep his eyes glued on the young genius' figure, even if the space parting them increased by the second.

As Derek turned around, everyone including the members of the team present in the room feigned being busy with whatever, jerking their gazes away. Everyone except Spencer, who on the contrary watched attentively as his boyfriend walked back toward him. With each feet of distance his legs erased it seemed to him Derek's features got softer and softer and the tension in his muscles leaked from him drop by drop.

-

"I'm sorry about that, Spencer." he apologized with a deep exhale, once he'd got close enough to drop the surname and indulge in that mirage of intimacy.

Reid frowned. "It's not your fault."

The older man sighed again and leaned ever-so-slightly closer, cocking his head to one side as if trying out another perspective to look at him better.

"I always feel like it is when anything happens to you, sweetheart." he claimed in a quieter voice, bringing a hand up to briefly stroke his boyfriend's cheek with his knuckles.

That statement and the profoundly affectionate way Derek was staring into him were nearly overwhelming, enough for Spencer to feel the impulse to avert his eyes and direct them toward his shoes.

"B- but it's not." he reiterated in a murmur. "plus, nothing happened anyway."

Morgan shook his head in the attempt to un-convince himself of being guilty in whatever way he thought he was.

"I know." he agreed at last, looking down to take Spencer's hand in his own. "I'm just really tired. Can't wait to get the fuck outta here and go home with you, pretty boy."

There was something irredeemably frustrating about the rate Spencer's brain had fried up once it had processed that Derek was referring to whichever house they'd get to that night as "home", without having decided yet whether they'd stay at his or Reid's place. And the umpteenth pet name on top of that.

"...you're just a softie." he mumbled to himself, smiling at the ground.

Awkwardness materialized in the form of a brief silence.

Derek cupped the other's chin in a hand to lift it back up.

"I'm a what now??" he asked with disbelief and most of all amusement radiating from every pore of his skin and facet of his demeanor.

Spencer slid his hands in his pockets, acting laid-back despite the regret for having let that slip out tinting his cheeks bright pink.

"Garcia always says it. Not to your face, I'm guessing." he shrugged - that was true, at least. "At first I looked at her exactly as you're looking at me right now, but finally I understand what she means."

The other man's eyebrows shot up in indignation. "Just 'cause YOU turn me soft it doesn't mean I'm a 'softie'." he air-quoted. "Besides, that's on you, sugar."

The short relief Spencer had felt once it had become clear that Derek didn't need an explanation for why Penelope and him labeled him as 'soft' was unpolitely dismissed by literally everything else the other man said.

Reid tried to ease the feeling of his face torching up by digging his teeth in his bottom lip. He slightly ducked his head once again but couldn't give up on returning Derek's gaze, albeit through his lashes.

Morgan broke both the eye-contact and the silence with a snort that quickly escalated into a chuckle, folding his arms on his chest and shaking his head.

"Spencer, I can't, if you look at me like that."

The genius mistook that for some weird type of reprimand and pouted meekly.

"Y- you can't what ?"

The other's grin widened and that didn't but confuse Spencer further.

"I didn't do anything!" he was not playing dumb. His failed attempt at understanding was authentic, but that damn smile was contagious and Derek must have rightfully thought Spencer's mirroring of said smile meant he did understand.

The man in front of him didn't bother responding, instead looking around non-chalantly before grabbing Reid's wrist.

"D- Der- wh- what-" Spencer only managed to stutter as he was being pulled toward somewhere, zig-zagging between desks and occasionally people, who luckily were not in the least interested in what the two were doing. Which anyway, he didn't know.

-

Before he could process, Spencer was in an empty room - the one JJ had used to talk to the victims' families - poorly lit by the lamps in the lobby alone, pressed up against a wall and smothered by his boyfriend's kisses, landing all over his face with no specific order or preference or hierarchy or regard for the genius' germophobia.

"Der! Come on!" he protested in between giggles, scrunching his nose. "There's-" his phrase was cut off by one of the kisses shutting his lips.

Derek let out an annoyed close-mouthed sound before stopping to get air.

"What is there?" he asked in a breathy whisper, tucking flying hairs behind the genius' ears tentatively.

"There's, uhm..." Spencer gulped, toying pointlessly with the collar of the other's t-shirt, slightly frayed from use. "...there are people outside. A lot."

Morgan nodded. "Let me think..." he murmured teasingly.

The man leaned in with such slowness Spencer was melting under his ever-lasting gaze; his timid smile only growing bigger the more Derek's face inched closer.

He placed a kiss on his lips just as slowly.

"I don't care." Morgan finished his phrase, before continuing with a trail of pecks that passed by his cheek and eventually led to his ear until his face was buried in Spencer's curls and his arms were squeezing him in a hug.

The slimmer man gladly returned it, letting a solid 20 seconds pass before speaking up against Derek's shoulder.

"...see? You're a softie."

Morgan scoffed but agreed nonetheless. "Alright. For you I'm a softie."

Saying that the genius wasn't expecting him to give up so easily was an understatement - which only strengthened his theory. He found himself bursting in a laugh.

"If garcia finds out you admitted it..."

"Oh she's NOT gonna find out." the other rushed to contradict, pulling away enough to see Reid's face again. "Because you WON'T tell her, am I right?"

Spencer arched a brow. "...that's supposed to be threatening?"

"Mhmh." Derek nodded. "It is."

"Well, not to shatter your dreams or anything, but it's not really worki-"

A syllable away from the end of the young agent's sentence the light in the room switched on, and the couple barely had the time to scowl at that that the door was being opened.

The two took their arms off of each other and parted a few feet, quickly turning heads to look at the intruder.

"Oh !- sorry guys," Emily grimaced; only half of her body inside the room and a hand still gripping the door handle. "...but we gotta get going."

The cringe on her face morphed into an amused, knowing look.

"I looked everywhere for you..." the woman added, because for some wicked reason she always found it extremely fun to make things more awkward.

Spencer braced his arms around his torso and looked at the floor, hoping that avoiding her eyes would suffice for stopping either the blush from dusting his face or the ridiculous chuckle from escaping his lips; both in the best case scenario.

"Ah, yeah, sorry. We'll be right there." Morgan offered to answer in the other's place; the utter embarrassment his voice and attitude delivered were yet another point at Garcia and Reid's thesis' advantage.

Prentiss lingered in the room a while longer - an eternity - glancing between them, and ultimately got out, leaving the door ajar because keeping it completely open would be too much of a mockery, but shutting it would mean she'd have to come back 10 minutes later and witness that very pathetic scene a second time.

Spencer's body let go of the chuckle he'd been holding - sparing him the most part of the blush, though, which he was grateful for - and finally detached his back from the wall.

"You are so soft." he casually remarked once again, brushing past by his boyfriend to get out of the room.

Derek managed to reach him with a couple of strides before he could get too far to hear his reply.

"Only for my baby boy."

#sorry this took a while! #it wasn't super easy to make it somewhat in-character #but i liked the concept so much i HAD to try #hope i did it justice and u don't think it's trash or a 'stretch' lmao #moreid #moreid one shot #moreid fanfic #fluffy/cheesy #emily prentiss #derek morgan #spencer reid #derek morgan x spencer reid #spencer reid x derek morgan #morgan x reid #reid x morgan #sperek #matthew gray gubler #shemar moore #cm tag #criminal minds #bau #ask #anon ask #nonnie #prompt list

[han-shinsuke]

SAKUSA x Y/N x WAKATOSHI

A Christmas Special

S A K U S A K I Y O O M I

R E A D E R X X X

U S H I J I M A W A K A T O S H I

🔞🔞♥️♥️🔞🔞

Profoundly Dejected

- someone who is extremely sad.

"Aaahhh! Aaahhh! Aaahhhh~" Your head snaps at the direction where the loud moans are coming from. You stop on your tracks. Fear creeping in under your skin. "Aaahh! Stop please! I can't anymore! Aaahhh! Aaahh!"

"You do know you couldn't back out anymore, *name*. You have already signed the memorandum of agreement." The voice of your companion rings inside your head, pulling you out of your thoughts.

You timidly smiles on him then tucks the loose strands of your hair behind your ears.

"Don't worry, Atsumu. I'm not planning to run away until it's done." You said as you tries to hide the fear you're feeling.

Atsumu nods his head, signaling you to follow him upstairs.

Ah, it's Christmas Eve. You are supposed to be inside your own home, celebrating the birth of God with your family. But there you are, putting your untainted reputation on the brink of destruction.

According to your friend, Miya Atsumu, the place you've been brought to is called, RED CLOUDS. It is a some kind of abditory. A place where you can disappear. A hiding place.

You are an adult now. You are no longer a girl that craves for attention and protection. You've learned living like you are on your own, like there's no one who would worry theirselves because you are not home.

There's an invisible hole in your soul and it keeps getting bigger as days passes by. You want to disappear even just for an hour.

"How long have it been since he left you?" Suddenly, Atsumu asks while you are walking through a wide hallway.

"Six years." You simply answered.

"He's really a dick, *name*. He made you wait that long only to crash your hopes. Tsk!"

"And an asshole, too." You added.

Now that he mentioned about him, Your mind drifts back to the memories that causes your extreme sadness. Your first love had married another woman after several years of making you wait for him. He made you believed he will come back for you and will resume what you had. But, last month, you saw an online posts from your common friends, and there, he was smiling wide on their wedding photos. And what saddened you most was the photo of his one year old son. He bedded another woman because you keep on refusing him when you two are still together.

"We are here, *name*." You and Atsumu stops in front of an old door with ancient carvings.

Atsumu opens the door for you. You are the first one to step inside, Atsumu tailing you from behind.

There, on the huge bed that looks so soft lies a tall man with two moles on his forehead. While there's also a man sitting on the white couch, both eyes are pointed at you.

"Don't be rough on her, guys. I'll kill the both of you if she came out this room crawling." Atsumu threatened his colleagues before leaving you.

"We've heard your stories from, Atsumu. I feel sorry for you, really." If you are not mistaken, the man tying your hands with a white cotton ribbon is Sakusa Kiyoomi. Atsumu's germaphobe teammate.

And the other man braiding your not-so long hair is Ushijima Wakatoshi. MSBY Black Jackals' rival team on the court. "Not all pretty girls get picked huh? He chose a slut over a decent woman."

With your emotionless face, you giggles. "You guys have sharp tongues. Be sure to make good use of it later." You commented.

These guys are so damn straightforward!

"Who should go first?" Sakusa asks as he guides you on the bed.

Ushijima shrugs his shoulders, sighing.

"Alright, you first. You wouldn't like it if I handed her messy and dirty." Wakatoshi returns to his position on the couch, letting Kiyoomi to ravage you first.

"It's settled then."

You've never been this scared before. And you have never envisioned yourself in a situation wherein you're the subject of someone else's sexual desires.

You are a decent woman. But being a decent one wasn't enough for him. He likes women who can serves well on the bed. Sadly, you aren't. So, in the end, you are left behind.

"I can see your pain, *name*. But, please do me a favor? Erase his memories from your mind while I am fucking you."

Sakusa unzips your knee-length dress from behind, letting it dropped on the floor. You steps out of it, hands still tied in front. Then your undergarments are his next target. He unclasped your strapless brassiere followed by the removal of your panty.

There's a hint of satisfaction on his face as he twirls you around, naked.

Your eyes catches a glint of lust rising up on Wakatoshi's eyes as he watches you from his spot.

"Don't make me wait too long, Kiyo." Ushijima said. His bulge is starting to be noticeable.

"I won't." Sakusa replied.

You are harshly threw on the bed right before Kiyoomi removed all of his clothes. He pinned your tied hands on top of your head. A smirk appears on his lips as he hovers atop your exposed nakedness.

"Scream all you want, honey ~" He smashed his lips on you, latching on the lower part. Your lips parted at his cruel moves. This is the first time you've been kissed that way.

His tongue licks your lips down to your chin before entering your mouth. You badly want to close your eyes but you wouldn't dare. You want to witness how it should be done.

You clenched your fists when you felt his hands groping on your mounds while kissing you like a hungry man. His dick bumping on your flat stomach.

"Sakusa~" You called his name. His kiss blinding your senses. Your tongue rubs on his. Kiss deepening. Locking your lips together. Eyes both closed now.

Kiyoomi moves down his hand on your legs, wrapping those around his muscled waist.

"Hmm.. Your lips tastes like strawberries, honey~" Sakusa praises. He nibbles on your lips, hands on your butt, squeezing hard.

"Aaaahhh~" You realized that was your first moan. Your eyes widened. Kiyoomi has an amused look on his face as he stares at you. His hips rubbing like waves on your womanhood.

"First time? Hhwaaahhh!" His harsh breath against your neck.

You didn't answered. Instead, you tilted your head, giving him full access on your slender neck. He pressed his lips under your jaw, teeth grazing the soft skin.

"Hhhmmnnn~" You bit the insides of your mouth, trying to prevent yourself to moan.

He bit on your shoulders. Then on your collarbones. Your body arched up. Earning a chuckle from Sakusa.

He stops groping your butt. His hands moves back on your breast. Squeezing again.

"B-be gentle~" You protested. There's a slight pain from the way he holds your breast.

"Ooh~ My apology." He laughed then put your left mound inside his warm mouth.

"Ooohhh~" You moaned when he sucks on your nipple harshly. His other hand pinching the other one. "Gosh, Kiyoomi! Aaaahhh!"

His mouth stays there for minutes. Almost causing you to lose your mind.

"E-eat me. Please~" You pleaded as you guides his head down to your dripping pussy with your tied hands.

Sakusa smirks, loving what he heard from you.

"Sure, honey~ hmmm..." Kiyoomi bends your knees, parting them wider.

He gives you a quick glance before dipping down on your vagina. His tongue licks your clit, making you sways your hips.

You feel his fingers parting your folds, his tongue tailing behind. He licks there hard, sipping the dripping cream.

"Aaahhh~ Aaahh~" You can't hold back anymore. You are being pleasured and that's what matters.

"Shit, Kiyoomi!" You cursed right before your unannounced cream release. Your juice squirts on Sakusa's face.

You are expecting him to get mad because you got his face dirtied. But, he just grinned. His thumb wiped on his stained cheek. He glances at your face, put his thumb inside his mouth and sips the thick cream from your pussy.

"You look hot, Kiyoomi." You complimented him.

"I know." He smiles. His tongue licking from your clit going upwards. He poked his tongue on your navel. You let out numerous sighs.

"Hhaaannhhhhggggg~" With your tied hands, you grabbed his head, pulling him up to your face.

"Let's remove this." He said as he untied you.

When your hands gets its freedom, you hold onto his biceps as you lifts your head and claims his lips.

"Hmmmmnngggg~"

"Hmmmmnngggg~"

You both moaned as you shared another torrid kiss.

You sucked on his lips when his fingers rubs on your clit.

"Fuck, honey! Fuck!" Sakusa exclaims, still rubbing on your wet folds.

Sakusa retracts his fingers away from your pussy as he positioned himself between your legs. And while licking his coated fingers. His knees nudged your thighs.

"I am putting my cock inside you, honey~" Sakusa says as he strokes his hard length.

When Kiyoomi was about to slide his cock inside you, a thick pillow was thrown at him.

You two both glanced at Wakatoshi who's surprisingly stroking his thick manhood while watching the two of you.

You almost forgot about him. You thought.

"Use it, Kiyo aaahhh~. The bed is too soft aaahhhggg! It will help steadying her body." Wakatoshi suggested. His hands stroking fast his erected dick.

Sakusa placed the pillow behind your waist, shaking his head, he put the head of his cock on your entrance. Sliding it so sudden.

A loud screams rolls on your tongue, "aaahhh!"

You writhed under Sakusa's weight as his body pins you against the soft mattress.

You heard the two guys laughed. They are enjoying the situation.

"W-wait! D-don't move, yet!" You pleaded. Your hands perched down on top of Kiyoomi's blessed butt.

"No." Sakusa says firmly, palms crawling under your thighs as he makes a hard push inside you.

"Ooh Gosh!" You screams in pain. Eyes shutting closed as he rams his body on your fragile one.

The bed creaks from the rough movements of the two union naked bodies.

Pants and moans fills the room, letting that one audience on the couch feels the same intensity of the deep penetration that Sakusa is giving you.

"Aaahhh~ Aaahhh! Fuck! You're so warm, honey! Aarrghhhh!"

"Slow down! Aaahhh! You're too deep, Kiyoomi~ aaaahhhh~ Uhhhhmmm~"

Your breast bounces back and forth from the fast thrusting of Sakusa's hips.

"Ooohhhh~ aaaaahhhhh~ hnnnngggg~"

"Fuck! Fuck! Sooo fucking tight! Aaahh!"

Sakusa's palms presses on your waist and later on grips there tightly as his thrusts becomes faster and much more deeper.

"Wider, honey~ aaahhh~" He said as you held your legs up to give him a wide range of access inside your hole.

You let go of your both legs after Kiyoomi takes in charge of holding them. Your body arches up at the fastest pace of his hips thrusts. Your hands finds their way onto the metal handle of the headboard. You hold there tightly.

"Aaahhgghh! Aaahhhnngg!" His lips parted, catching enough air to fill his lungs.

"Ooohhh! Faster, Kiyoomi~~ aaahh~ D-dont s-stop ohhh shit!" You encouraged him to dive deeper, stretching your legs wider.

"Aaahhh~ aaahh~ honey! Aaaahh! I'm cumminggg~ hmmm! Fuck! Fuck!" Kiyoomi let go of your legs and put you under his tight embrace as he pounces his long cock into your trembling and dripping pussy.

"Aaahh~ Yeah, honey ~ your muscles tightening ~ fuck! Fuck! Take my creammm aaahhmmpppp~" You pulled him for another deep kiss as your legs tightened around his pounding hips.

"Hhmmmghhhh~ ooohh~ You are so tasty K-kiyoomi~~ aahhhh Gosh! I love your thick cock~ aaahhh"

"My cock is a lot bigger and long, *name!* Scream!" Ushijima's baritone voice booms around the room as he inserted his proud cock inside your tight butthole.

You bit your lower lip hard, causing it to bleed. Wakatoshi's harsh penetration behind you made you shed in tears.

"That's so rough, Ushijima!" Kiyoomi commented as if he understands the pain you are feeling at the moment.

Kiyoomi sat besides you in the window sit where Wakatoshi chose to do his signature and favorite position, dog style.

"C-ome on, Wakatoshi~ aaahh!" You let out a squeal when he slaps your butt cheeks multiple times.

"You know what, Ushijima? You should have invited Tooru. I'd like to watch you two fuck this delicious woman. Hmmmm~ right, *name*." Sakusa licks your nipples alternately as he went under your bent body and played with your unattended flesh.

He inserts his three long fingers inside your pussy and pumps there. "Oh god! Aaahhh~ m-more! I want moreee Kiyoomi~"

"Maybe next time, uggghhh~. I miss his dick inside my hole while mine is inside a warm and creaming pussy aahh~ baby~ I should have really called Oikawa here~ aaahnng~"

Ushijima moans, a memory of him and Oikawa fucking a woman together ignites fire in him.

"Atsumu's friend will be doomed for real. Hmmmnn~ right honey?" Sakusa removed himself under you and leveled his cock right at your flushed face.

"Hhnngggg~ Wakatoshi! Hwwaaahppghh~" You moaned the guy's name fucking your butthole as he withdrew his cock and slams it inside your trembling pussy muscles.

"You're really warm huh~ I like it aaahggg~" Ushijima pounces from behind, making your face bumps against Sakusa's cock that's ready to rummage your mouth.

"Here's your midnight snacks, honey~" Sakusa whispered before slamming his fat cock inside your small mouth.

"Uggghhh! Aaaahhh!!!"

"Fuck! Fuck! Hhnnggh~"

"Hmmngggg~ Uummmpp~"

It's Christmas Eve. You reminded yourself. You deserves a mouthwatering feast. You deserves these cocks.

"*name*, can you walk?" You're still sleepy. And your whole body is aching. You heard Atsumu's soft voice. The bed creaks. You feel him wrapping a fabric around your tired and bruised body. A smile curves on your lips. Atsumu is really kind. You thought.

"I'll take you home, *name*" He said then carries you bridal style.

You nods your head, not opening your eyes.

"Bring her again, Tsumu." You heard a familiar voice says. Right. Its Sakusa's.

"Her cream is so addicting. Why not joined us, Tsumu? Have a taste of your delightful best friend's body." That's Wakatoshi's.

"There will be no next time, guys. I'll devour her alone." Atsumu replied. The sound of door closing follows.

#smut #atsumu #haikyuu #haikyu #atsumu miya #sakusa #sakusa kiyoomi #ushijima #ushijima Wakatoshi #imagines

[yourdeepestfathoms]

God Forgive Us All (part two)

[Carrie Au]

Part 1

(Read Anne as Courtney!Anne)

Word Count: 5059

--------------

-Open Your Heart-

The downpour outside felt unnatural and unstoppable and utterly, unpleasantly wet. And Aragon loved it. She especially loved the moaning, groaning, dripping slowpokes of her exhausted actresses.

  “Alright!” Her voice had boomed across the auditorium half an hour earlier. “Line up! Let’s go, ladies!”

The actresses had hurried into a line on the stage, exchanging confused glances. Aragon looked a lot more menacing than she usually did, riled up to her full size like a venomous snake or a lioness about to strike. She stared at the group of women as if they were mangled roadkill that not even the lowest of scavengers would want to eat. 

  “Come on! Move your asses!” Aragon barked. Luanne and Piper, eyes front! Clarissa, shut your mouth! And Kitty, spit out that gum right now! You know it’s not allowed on the stage!”

  “Where should I put it, Miss Aragon?” Kitty asked sweetly.

  “You can choke on it for all I care,” Aragon hissed in her face. “Just get it out of your mouth.”

Kitty stepped back and grit her teeth. She gave up after a moment, groaning softly while spitting her gum into the wrapper it came in and putting it into her pocket to throw away later.

  “Good,” Aragon said, stepping back. “Margaret, wipe that smirk off your face.”

Maggie, who had been grinning devilishly up until that moment, jolted and bit her lips into a flat line. At her side, Jane glowered at Aragon. Aragon glowered right back at her.

  “Now,” Aragon began slowly, pacing up and down the line of actresses. “What you did yesterday was a shitty thing. A really shitty thing. Have any of you ever stopped to wonder if Joan Meutas had feelings?”

Nobody spoke, although Maggie did dare to roll her eyes, earning her the evilest glare from Aragon.

  “I expected better of you all.” Aragon went on. “Most of you are grown adults! Julie,” She whipped her head towards a woman with olive skin and curly auburn hair. “You have a daughter, don’t you? You’re a mother! How could you do such a thing?”

Julie opened her mouth, but then immediately shut it and narrowed her eyes at the floor, unable to come up with a mature response. Aragon sneered in disgust.

  “But Joan isn’t her daughter,” Kitty said. “She shouldn’t have to care about other kids. Only her own.”

  “That still gives her no right to throw fucking tampons at a frightened child!” Aragon growled. “Joan is sixteen. Do you all know that? She’s just a kid. A minor. And I could have you all arrested for harassment. Sexual harassment, too, I’m sure, seeing as she was naked.”

That seemed to get through to some of them, as they exchanged worried glances and a few murmurs. Jane gave Aragon a “you wouldn’t dare” look, while Aragon raised an eyebrow and gave one right back at her that said, “try me.”

  “As you know, opening night is coming up,” Aragon said. “Jane. Have anyone special you’re bringing?”

Jane looked Aragon up and down skeptically. “His name is Henry Tudor.”

  “Oh, how fancy,” Aragon said. “Is he going to wear anything nice to the show? Or are you just going to pin a bloody tampon to his shirt and tell him to go like that?”

Jane bared her teeth at Aragon’s smirk. She tried to march past the woman, but she’s grabbed roughly by the shoulder and shoved back into place.

  “Oh, you aren’t going anywhere,” Aragon said. She turned to Anne after releasing Jane and studied her guilty expression. “What about you, Anne? Got anyone you’re bringing to opening night?”

Anne looked profoundly uncomfortable, just how Aragon wanted her. She wanted all of the actresses to squirm like there were worms under their skin. She wanted them to feel in their souls what they did to Joan.

  “My family,” Anne said. “Cathy will already be there.”

  “Hm,” Aragon shot a glance at Cathy standing nearby, who was trying very hard to act like a harmless statue. “Maybe.”

That made Cathy move from her statue-like position. She looked at Aragon in confusion. “What do you mean?”

  “My idea of punishment for this little trick you pulled was to fire all of you,” Aragon said. The smirk on her lips twitched higher when the group exclaimed in shock and disbelief. “That’ll hit you where it hurts, doesn’t it? It’s what you all deserve.”

  “You can’t do that!” Jane growled.

  “I can, actually,” Aragon said. “We have understudies. Hell, I’ll even get the boys to play your roles! However.” She stared down at all of them. “The director doesn’t want to go to that extreme just yet. So instead, you are all to have mandatory warmups with me for a week. It’ll be an hour long and you will do whatever I say for you to do or else you’ll be packing your things and never coming back. Do you all understand?”

There are nods of agreement with gritted teeth.

  “Wonderful.” Aragon smiled. “Go take a lap around the block. Five laps, actually. And recite all of your lines while you do so. Get those leg muscles warmed up for dancing.”

  “But—it’s raining.” Kitty said, clearly dismayed about having to get wet.

  “I don’t care,” Aragon said silkily. “Go! Now!”

There had been a moment of hesitation, but after she yelled again, the actresses realized she was being serious and filed out of the auditorium in a disbelieving, muttering mass of grumpiness. Aragon shook her head with a sigh, watching them go. She then turned around to go wait somewhere else when she had noticed the head peeking out from the wings. A kind smile formed on her lips.

  “Hello, honey,” She greeted Joan warmly. “Come here. No need to hide.”

Joan hesitated, then shuffled out of the dark wings. She had her fingers wrung in her shirt and kept glancing around everywhere, expecting there to be something that may humiliate her just waiting around for her.

  “How are you feeling?” Aragon asked, easing an arm around Joan’s shoulders. She almost pulled away when she felt Joan stiffen, but then she was leaning against her with a small, content noise. 

  “Umm... F-fine.” Joan mumbled awkwardly. “Did you really make them run?”

  “I did,” Aragon said proudly. “They deserve it.”

Joan nodded very slowly, like she was trying to convince herself that that was true. 

  “Thank you.” She whispered. “I-I never told you yesterday. I-I’m sorry...”

  “No, no, honey,” Aragon said. “It’s totally fine! You must have been so overwhelmed yesterday.”

Joan nodded again and Aragon gently cupped her face. She leaned into that touch, too. The poor thing must not get much affection at home, Aragon realized sadly.

  “I am so sorry that happened to you, Joan.” Aragon said. “You didn’t deserve that at all.”

  “B-but my mama s-said—”  She snapped her mouth shut quickly.

  “What?” Aragon tilted her head. “What did your mother say?”

Joan shook her head, looking a touch uncomfortable. She shuffled her feet. 

  “N-nothing,” She stuttered. “I-I need to g-go do my schoolwork. B-bye, Miss Aragon.” 

She began to hurry away, paused, then rushed back over to Aragon and gave her a quick hug.

  “Thank you,” She whispered softly before pulling back and scampering off.

Aragon was left awestruck. She had never expected Joan Meutas to hug her, but she didn’t mind in the slightest. A loving smile spread on her lips.

Sweet girl... She thought, and she continued to fondly think about the shy little pianist until the auditorium doors had swung open and the group of actresses she sent running came hobbling back inside in a soaked heap.

Aragon watched in amusement as they floundered up to the stage, looking as though they had been dredged from the bottom of one of the canals. A few of them, like Maggie and Kitty, flopped right to the ground like a soggy blob, while others doubled over and panted or held their hands behind their heads and raised their arms to try and get more air into their lungs. No matter what position they took, they all looked equally cold, equally soaked, and equally miserable. Just how Aragon wanted them. 

  “You—you can’t do this to us,” Jane hissed through heavy breaths. She was kneeling to rest her legs, glaring up at Aragon, who was still smiling pleasantly. “We could catch our death out there!”

  “I’m sure a little Swine Flu would teach you not to harass a teenage girl,” Aragon said dismissively. “Alright, ladies, break’s over. You still have twenty minutes of warmups before rehearsals start and I want you to—”

  “No.”

Aragon stared down at Jane. She watched as she rose up to her feet, eyes flashing like a vengeful white tiger’s. 

  “No?” Aragon echoed.

  “Jane...” Anne muttered cautiously from where she was sitting down. 

  “I’m not doing another goddamn thing you say,” Jane clarified, “because Joan Meutas got her period and was too stupid to know what it was.”

There’s a scattering of murmurs throughout the group. Aragon’s expression looked frighteningly calm, but anger was flickering in her dark eyes.

  “Alright,” She said slowly, venom oozing from her lips. “You’re out.”

Jane is taken aback. “Excuse me?”

  “You’re out.” Aragon said more firmly. “You will not be performing opening night.”

  “No!” Jane yelled. “You can’t do that! You don’t make those calls!”

  “I just did, Seymour.”

  “Well, you can just stick it up your—”

Jane is cut off when she’s hit so hard she nearly toppled over. The sound echoed through the auditorium, much louder than when Joan had been slapped the day before. While that slap had been done to snap a frightened girl out of her panicked trance, this one had been done purely out of rage and hatred.

  “I do not want to hear another word from you!” Aragon roared, grabbing Jane by the collar of her shirt and shaking her viciously. “You will not be performing, do you understand me? And if I gave my way with the director, you will never be performing for this show ever again! Now go!”

Jane stared at her in disbelief, tense in the grasp that held her. 

  “GO!” Aragon bellowed, shoving Jane backward. Jane stumbled, then finally sulked off of the stage, cradling her welting cheek and muttering, maybe even crying. “Now...for the rest of you...” 

Aragon turned her flashing eyes to the group.

  “Run Suicides. Now.”

———

  “Well, that was plain awful,” Cathy muttered, peeling off her wet clothes. Rainwater and sweat have made them soggy and unbearable. She felt like she was chafing all over. “Could be worse, though, right, Annie? Anne?”

She turned around when she didn’t get a reply to see her girlfriend sitting on one of the shower benches, deep in thought. She pulled on a dry shirt and walked over, gently touching Anne’s shoulder.

  “Babe?” She said. “What’s wrong?”

  “Oh, nothing,” Anne smiled up at her. “Just...thinking.”

  “About?” Cathy sat next to Anne.

  “Joan.”

Cathy furrowed her eyebrows. “Joan? How come?”

  “Cathy, what happened yesterday was awful. I feel /terrible/. And I want to do something about it.” Anne said. “I want to help Joan.”

  “How?”

Anne thought for a moment, then perked up. Her eyes had a new light in them.

  “We be her friend!” She declared. 

Cathy blinked. “That’s all?”

  “Cathy, when I asked her if she was okay yesterday, she looked like she was ready to get on her knees and worship me.” Anne said. “She wants someone. She /needs/ a friend. And we can be that for her!”

Cathy thought it over briefly, then smiled and nodded. “Alright. Let’s do it.”

Anne beamed. “Oh, thank you, Cathy!” She gave her a quick kiss. “You are the best! Come on, let’s go find her!”

It was harder than they expected to find Joan Meutas. She usually wasn’t with anyone, not even the other musicians who she had to work with, preferring to be alone to avoid ridicule. Cathy and Anne searched for a good twenty minutes before they finally stumbled upon her by accident in the upstairs costume room. 

The room was on a separate floor from the main second level of the theater. You have to go up a flight of black stairs in one of the dark wings and stand on an equally black ledge to open up a large, heavy wooden door that never made a single noise when its hinges would move. When you stepped inside, there would be two places to go- a ladder with its paint peeling on the left that led up to the catwalk, which was where Cathy and Anne had been meaning to go to get a better view of the auditorium, and then the extra costume room on the right. Old, shabby, unwanted costumes were kept in there, so nobody usually went in there. But from the way Joan was tucked cozily in a rack of indigo and azure dresses and frayed blue wool ponchos, it seemed like she visited this room quite often.

When Anne had first joined this specific West End theater, she distinctly remembered the extra costume room being a mess- suits thrown on the floor, shoes lying around listlessly without a matching pair, cardigans hung up with pants. It was like a tornado had blown through a clothing store. But now everything was sorted neatly in rainbow order. All the reds were with the reds, all the oranges were with the oranges, and so on. There were also several books stacked against one of the racks and a fluffy blanket that Joan was currently using. 

When Joan noticed Anne and Cathy standing in the doorway, staring at her, she jumped three feet in the air so fast that the pair of women were even startled. She scrambled to her feet, nearly sending the rack of blue clothes she had been snuggled in toppling onto her.

  “I-I-I’m sorry!” She yelped. “I-I-I d-d-didn’t mean to ignore w-work! I-I just—”

  “Hey, hey, shh,” Anne took a small step towards her. “It’s okay. We’re not mad.”

Joan wasn’t convinced. Not that Anne or Cathy blamed her. They could both clearly see the hurricane of grief and guilt and fear and anxiety that had apparently taken the place of logical thought in this girl’s head. Everything, every little thing, was a worst-case scenario to this girl. Everything ended in a disaster to her.

To be around Joan was to walk on shaky grounds, and Anne and Cathy had to tread carefully.

  “I’m Anne, remember?” Anne said, trying to look as friendly and nonthreatening as possible. “And this is Cathy.”

  “I know you who you guys are,” Joan mumbled. She looked down at the floor. “I’m not dumb...”

  “I bet you aren’t at all,” Cathy said. “I bet you’re really smart, huh?”

The way Joan looked at Cathy... She so badly wanted to trust both her and Anne. But years of hurt and ridicule that stretched far before her time at the theater lingered and made her put up more walls than any person should ever have. She shrunk further into her mental shell and merely shrugged in reply to Cathy’s comment, looking away again.

  “What were you reading?” Anne asked, glancing at the book Joan had been reading before she was startled to her feet. 

  “Oh,” Joan hurried over to the book and gingerly picked up. She looked absolutely mortified when she saw the cover page had been bent a little on the corner when she dropped it. “I-it’s, umm—” She floundered, simultaneously worked up about the book and the two women talking to her. “Th-The Crucible.”

  “Oooh,” Cathy cooed in interest. “That’s a good one.”

Joan nodded as she was trying to fix the crease. “M-my mama said that— I-I mean mum— mother— umm—” She whimpered sharply, looking around in dismay.

She still calls her mum “mama”, Anne thought with a small smile. That’s adorable.

It was so sad about how embarrassed she was getting over it, though.

  “Joan, it’s alright.” Anne assured her. “You can call your mother whatever you want. We’re not going to make fun of you for that.”

That mixed look of adoration and shock from the day before returned, but this time much brighter. 

  “You— Thank you.” Joan bowed her head in a grateful way. She ran her thumb over the whitened crease against the corner. “B-but—she said that I need to read books like this. S-so I will know what will happen if I sinned.” 

Anne and Cathy both exchange worried looks. Joan doesn’t notice, nor does she notice Cathy’s grimace. Now things were starting to fall in place a little more. 

  “I see,” Anne said slowly.

  “Well, I don’t think you have anything to worry about.” Cathy said. “You’re a very good girl, Joan.”

Joan blinked at her in delight.

  “What else do you like to read?” Anne asked. She glanced over at the stack of books against the wall, only to find them all dealing with Christianity in some way. “Harry Potter? Hunger Games? Percy Jackson?”

  “Oh, no,” Joan shook her head. “My mama says that stuff was made by the devil and will rot your brain. I’m not allowed to read books like that.”

What an awful childhood she must have had, Anne thought sadly, tilting her head at Joan. Poor thing.

  “Well, if you ever need book recommendations,” Cathy said. “I read a lot. So I know a few.” She winked at Joan, and, for the briefest of moments, Joan cracked a tiny ghost of a smile. 

But then it went away in an instant, snuffed out like a candle in a winter whirlwind because caution and worry were shoving their way into Joan’s brain. She looked Cathy and Anne up and down again, then stepped back. She’s retreated back into her shell, suddenly frightened.

  “Wh-why are you doing this?” She asked softly, hugging her book close to her chest like she thought it may protect her from cruel words or even physical blows. “Wh-why are y-you...” She trailed off, looking away.

  “Oh, Joan,” Anne murmured. “We want to be your friend.”

Joan stared at her with impossibly wide eyes. Then, she’s stumbling over her words- “You want to- I’m your- you like- no- no- you can’t- you will hurt- no- no- no!”- and trembling. Cathy reached out to comfort her, but she cried out and darted under her arm and out the door. They both heard her run haphazardly down the black staircase and somewhere further into the theater, leaving them defeated and saddened.

  “Well,” Anne breathed. “That could have gone better.”

———

Aragon found her curled up under the piano in one of the rehearsal rooms with her knees to her chest, crying. She had been going to find the prop master to see if the blanks for the guns had come in, but that was the last thing on her mind when she heard the soft sniffles and whimpers of Joan Meutas.

She hurried inside, setting her cup of tea and script down on one of the shelves immediately, and knelt down in front of the piano. Joan’s head jerked up, but her frightened eyes softened slightly when she realized it wasn’t anyone that wanted to hurt her.

Joan trusted her.

A flutter of joy tickled inside of Aragon, but she pushed it aside for the moment. She examined Joan, luckily finding no open wounds or gashes or bruises, but any pain inflicted on her to make her cry could easily be mental and emotional, not physical. 

  “Joan, honey,” She said softly. “What’s wrong?”

Joan sniffled and wiped her eyes with her sleeve. She was doing her best to not look at Aragon, but she seemed to crave the warmth and tenderness in her eyes.

  “N-nothing,” She whispered so quietly Aragon almost didn’t hear it.

  “Did one of the girls do something to you?” Aragon asked. 

Joan shook her head wordlessly. Aragon crawled underneath the piano and sat down next to her.

  “Then what is it?”

Joan hesitated a moment, sniffled, then whispered, “S-someone asked to be my friend.”

Aragon’s eyes lit up. “Oh, Joan, that’s wonderful!” She beamed. “Who was it?”

  “A-Anne Boleyn and C-Cathy Parr,” Joan told her. She clasped her hands together tightly. “I-I know who they go around with Miss Aragon. They’re just gonna trick me again...”

Aragon frowned. She knew that Joan was wary of people, but it seemed like her social anxiety and fear of others ran much deeper than she thought. She couldn’t even believe that someone wanted to be her friend.

  “Well, maybe they’re not,” Aragon said, hoping to raise Joan’s spirits. “Maybe they really mean it.”

  “But why?” Joan looked up at Aragon and her eyes were so, so sad. Aragon wished she could reach inside of her and crush every ounce of misery and fear and doubt that festered in her. “Why me? Why would anyone want to be my friend?” 

  “Oh, sweetheart...”

It was awful. Nobody deserved to be so untrustworthy of the world and its people.

  “Joan, baby,” Aragon took Joan’s smaller, bony hands in hers and held them tightly. “Do you wanna know what I see when I look at you?”

Joan tensed and Aragon could practically hear her brain screaming, “Here it comes! You shouldn’t have trusted her! She’s going to tell you how horrible you are!”

She silenced them herself.

  “I see a beautiful young lady.” Aragon told her. Joan’s eyes widened. “You’re so wonderful and sweet and amazing, Joan. You are a blessing. And anyone who gets to be friends with you should be honored to be friends with such an angel.”

Joan blushed and looked away shyly, but she wasn’t able to smother the giddy smile twitching on her lips. She craved compliments and affection, Aragon knew. She was just too modest to admit to anything said highly about her and too anxious to ask for a gentle touch.

  “You’re just saying that...” Joan mumbled.

  “Don’t be daft, Joan,” Aragon said, nudging her. “It’s all true.”

  “Y-you really think I’m an angel?” Joan asked softly.

Aragon smiled and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead, which nearly sent her dissolving into tears all over again.

  “Of course.”

Joan stared at her in shock before folding into her arms. Aragon held her protectively, stroking her long blonde hair.

  “If you’d like,” She said, “I can go talk to Anne and Cathy. Make sure they aren’t trying anything. How does that sound?”

Joan nodded. “I-I like that plan...”

It was settled. Once Joan and Aragon eventually eased apart, Aragon went to go find Anne and Cathy after making Joan was completely okay to be left on her own. When she found the pair, she herded them into their dressing room and promptly began to grill them on their charade.

  “We aren’t trying to trick her!” Anne cried. 

  “Then why are you just now asking to be her friend?” Aragon asked calmly. “Why are you now deciding to be nice to her?”

  “I—” Anne’s shoulder’s slumped and she sat back in her chair heavily. “I don’t know, okay? I just— What happened yesterday was awful.”

  “Yes, it was,” Aragon said. She glanced momentarily at Cathy and remembered how she had gotten some blood on her.

  “We thought that this would be good for her.” Cathy tried. “To get her to be with people and join in on a few things...”

  “Make her apart of things?” Aragon guessed.

  “Yeah!” Cathy nodded, but deflated when she saw Aragon roll her eyes.

  “We aren’t that stupid, Catherine.” Aragon said. “And neither is Joan. She knows who you’re friends with.”

  “Do you think I WANT to be cousins with Kitty after what she did yesterday?” Anne said. “Or friends with Jane? And, if it makes anything any better, I’ve downgraded Maggie to a mutual costar.”

Aragon sighed and rubbed her forehead. “I just don’t want Joan to get hurt again.”

  “We’re not going to hurt her, Catalina.” Cathy said. 

Aragon examined the two of them for a moment and then took a deep breath and folded her hands together in her lap.

  “Look me in the eye,” She said, “and tell me that again. Tell me that you will not hurt Joan and that you genuinely want to be her friend.”

Anne looked into Aragon’s dark eyes and said, “We’re not going to hurt Joan.”

Aragon stared back at her for a long time, then snorted a light laugh and leaned back.

  “Alright,” She said. “I have a pretty good bullshit detector. I believe you. For now. Don’t make me regret that.”

Anne and Cathy both smiled in relief.

  “Thank you, Catalina.”

  “Yes, thank you.”

Aragon nodded. “I’ll go get Joan.” 

She retrieved the girl and, after explaining to her that Anne and Cathy weren’t going to hurt her, left her alone with them to finally go talk to the prop master.

  “Hey,” Anne said, smiling gently at the girl now sitting across from her.

  “Hi,” Joan whispered. She doesn’t have her head raised, but she kept glancing up at Anne and Cathy.

Anne thought for a moment. She wasn’t quite sure what to talk about with Joan. She didn’t want to bring up the conversation with Aragon because the extra layer of “we’re not gonna hurt you” may seem a bit suspicious. Luckily, however, her girlfriend quickly jumped in to fill the silence before it got too awkward.

  “When did you learn to play the piano?” Cathy asked.

Joan laced a finger around the chain of her cross necklace and tugged on it. “Umm— the house w-we moved into had one. I-it’s kinda old, but...” She shrugged a little. “I like it.”

  “Well, you’re very good,” Cathy said. “Your playing is beautiful.”

Joan blushed. “Thank you.” She mumbled.

She tugged harder on the chain and Anne noticed that it was starting cut into her skin.

  “Joan—” She stood up and walked over to her purse, fishing out a squishy green parrot that she would often use as a stress ball. She sat back down and offered it to Joan. “You’re hurting your fingers, sweetheart. Play with this.” 

Joan stared at it, then glanced up at Anne’s encouraging eyes and Cathy’s smiling face. Slowly, so slowly, she untangled her finger from where it was coiled her necklace and tentatively took the parrot. She squeezed it in her hands a few times, a tiny smile forming on her pale lips.

  “Do you like it?” Anne asked.

Joan nodded shyly.

  “Why don’t you keep it then?”

Joan’s head whipped up comically fast and her bug-eyed expression would have been even funnier if it weren’t for what the reaction implied.

  “Oh, M-Miss Anne, I-I can’t—” Joan stammered, and yet she was still glancing down at the parrot as if it were the most valuable thing in the world.

  “I insist, Joan.” Anne said. “You need it a lot more than I do. And I don’t use it that often, anyone. The poor little guy is probably so lonely in my purse.”

  “Surrounded by gum wrappers,” Cathy added with a titter.

  “Hsst.” Anne elbowed her playfully. She looked forward when she heard Joan shuffling in her seat and saw the girl taking some money out of her back pocket.

  “I-it’s not much— I was gonna use it to ride the bus home, b-but—”

Oh Joan. Anne thought sadly. Oh you poor, sweet child. You WOULD give up the money that’ll get you home safely for a squishy toy parrot I stole from the lost-and-found in college.

  “No no, put that away.” Anne said hurriedly and Joan stopped, tilting her head at her like SHE was the crazy one. 

  “Think of it as a gift.” Anne said. “Have you ever gotten a gift before?”

Joan looked away and Anne frowned, knowing the answer.

  “You don’t have to pay me or give me anything, I promise.” Anne assured her.

Joan nodded and put her money away. “Thank you,” She whispered before looking down at the parrot with a look on her face that said she was trying to remember the last time she had been given something. “Thank you.”

  “You deserve it, Joan.” Anne said and Cathy nodded in agreement at her side.

  “I like birds,” Joan said softly. She turned the parrot over in her hands, examining every inch of it. Despite it being old and a little patchy in some areas, she seemed to think it was the most amazing thing in the entire world.

  “Do you?” Cathy inquired. “What’s your favorite?”

  “Snowy owls.” Joan said, smiling a little more. “Or barn owls. I just like owls. But ducks are cute, too.”

  “They are.” Cathy agreed.

  “Do you have any pets?” Anne asked.

Joan shook her head with an adorably grumpy expression. “No,” She said. “Mama says animals are filthy, but I really like them! I wish I could get a cat or just a fish...” Her shoulders slumped and she gazed at the parrot longingly, like she was hoping it would magically come to life and be her new pet.

  “Maybe you will one day!” Cathy said. “You never know.”

Joan nodded. “Maybe.”

Anne and Cathy talked with Joan for twenty more minutes, slowly but surely easing her out of her shell, before she said she had to go before she missed her bus home. She waved to them goodbye, offering a rare, nearly-full smile before disappearing out the dressing room door.

—

  “Mama!” Joan called. “I’m home!”

She hung her bag up neatly on one of the hooks in the front room and darted into the kitchen, not even glancing at the crucifix. Her mind was too focused on getting out ingredients from the cabinets.

Anne might have said she didn’t want payment, but she had to give her something. Cathy and Aragon, too. She couldn’t just get so much kindness for free.

  “What kind of cookies do you think they would like?” She asked her new parrot, which she placed on the kitchen island. “Snickerdoodles or oatmeal?”

She didn’t get a reply, but she pretended in her head that it responded to her.

  “Snickerdoodles!” She nodded. “You’re right! Everyone likes those!”

She excitedly took out the cinnamon and sugar, grinning in a way that she hadn’t done in forever. But who could blame her? She had friends!

#carrie au #six the musical #six the musical fanfic #six the musical fanfiction #six fanfiction #six fanfic #catherine of aragon #katherine howard #jane seymour #anne boleyn #maggie on the guitar #catherine parr #joan on the keys #parrlyn #parrleyn #boleyn x parr #parr x boleyn #god forgive us all