#been dead set on finding them. going explosive at first. he doesn’t know who he is without richas and the federation twists arms like none

[zeb-z]

no ok because forevers solo mission into the nether and all the vague ‘if I don’t return’ and ‘I’m sorry’ messages he’s left behind is made all the more heart wrenching because he wasn’t meant to be the martyr.

bad has been setting himself up for tragedy. it’s in the self destructive choices he makes, his hyper paranoia, his self isolation, the way he’s literally turning blue and can’t seem to notice it himself. and from a meta perspective, it’s obvious - he talks about lasting consequences, he makes very clear framing and music decisions, the story arc has been setting up for something big. he’s got a book that says it’s for forever’s eyes only and hinted at him needing his help. he’s said to tina that he’s 100% sure of one person ending up dead at the end of all this. he’s made it clear he’d do anything he thinks would get the kids back - self sacrifice included.

it’s been an anxious build up as bad gets worse and worse. as his friends pick up clues and notice. bagi says she knows that bad lies and can cause havoc, but she’s not going to leave his side because he is too sad to be left alone. foolish takes note of his color blindness before anyone else. forever demands his time and reassures bad daily that he is there for him. gives him a flower every day. makes an entire party just showing how much bad is cared for and loved. keeps talking and visiting even when he’s ripping out his hair with annoyance because bad just won’t quit being a nuisance, or argumentative, or a probable kidnapper.

it feels like love and doomed endings. it feels like a build up to something tragic. it feels like trying to save a drowning man who won’t let anyone pull him up. because bad is ready to work for the feds, torture people, burn down anything in his way, sacrifice himself in his desperation and grief.

but now its forever who’s gone and decided any danger to himself is worth it for his son. who’s left behind vague goodbyes and see you soons, unsure if he’ll survive but set on the kids surviving at the very least. he’s already decided his death is worth it.

and while it’s not a surprise, it’s enough of a script flip to punch us all in the gut. because we expected tragedy, we expected uneasy goodbyes and self destructive choices and that effect felt across the island - but we didn’t expect it to be forever.

and neither did bad - who relied on that flower every day

#maybe it’s more of a twist from bads perspective but like. in the roles their characters play in this story it’s now up in the air #this is like more meta analysis but like I’m fucking. freaking out about it #it’s an example of a twist that makes sense because we have seen evidence to make this believable. since the eggs first day gone forever has #been dead set on finding them. going explosive at first. he doesn’t know who he is without richas and the federation twists arms like none #other. so it’s set up. it was just half forgotten because of how much bad has been taking that role on stage yknow #if this makes any sense jfjskfkr idk it’s like yeah I was expecting 4halo bullshit angst and bad being a source of tragedy but not this #not this #mcyt #qsmp #q!bbh #bbh #forever #q!forever #qsmp meta #z speaks

[lightwise]

WHY MAYDAY IS A MIRROR OF REX (AND ALL OF CROSSHAIR’S BROTHERS)

AKA How Crosshair predicted his own redemption arc.

There have been many comparisons made between Mayday and Rex/The Bad Batch, but I have kept myself from ranting about The Outpost for too long and I figured I should get this out there before this week’s new episode hits. 

Crosshair is cynical and snarky when we meet him in The Clone Wars (as is the norm for his personality, but there’s a special edge to it in S7 E1). The first words out of his mouth are “we don’t usually work with regs.”

(I am not sure who first posted this image set, so if you know who to credit please reach out).

Now in TBB E12, the episode opens with Crosshair watching regular clones being told about the retirement bill by an imperial officer. His helmet is off and they have no armor on. He’s face to face with them. He seems interested in their conversation but is still removed, separate. He still thinks this doesn't affect him.

Once he ships out to Barton 4, we meet Mayday by hearing his voice before he rounds the corner into our view. The immediate thought that flew into my mind was, “that’s Rex’s voice.” Other than Rex himself, we as the audience and especially Crosshair as a character have not heard that warm, snarky, calm tone that signifies that commanding officer’s “regular clone voice” much this season. Mayday’s voice is a little deeper than Rex’s, but he has the same commanding yet casual tone and demeanor. As weary and frustrated as he is at the lack of support from the Empire, Mayday chooses to express it with a level of snarkiness that would have made Tech, Echo, or Rex himself proud. 

Or as Rex once said, "It's Captain, sir."

"Experience outranks everything."

Mayday and his squad are wrapped in mummified cloth strips, and he states that his men are all “dead. We’re all that’s left.” Three of them, to mimic the three troopers being forced into retirement that Crosshair had seen before arriving. They are dead men walking. And so are the rest of the clones. 

Mayday brings the light to Crosshair. And starts talking to him, man to man, like a friend. Like a brother. He asks him his name. Crosshair’s first encounters with Rex were Rex going after Echo, pulling him free from mindless programming and reminding him what his name really was. 

“What brought you here.” “Just lucky, I guess.” Luck isn’t a word that Crosshair typically uses to describe his experiences. He usually relies on and points out his superiority, his skills, his uniqueness. He knows he hasn’t engineered this meeting, and yet Mayday’s mannerisms are already starting to find the chinks in his metaphorical armor. 

“I’ll give you the lay of the land.” Like Hunter would. “Conditions have degraded our equipment.” Like Tech could have helped with. “I’m not an explosives expert.” Wrecker is. 

Mayday lays out the helmets of his fallen squad in a memorial, the same way Rex and Ahsoka do after order 66. Reverence and respect for the dead, even when it seems meaningless. Crosshair has let himself be deadened by the Empire, yet Mayday treats him with interest and respect, drawing him back out of himself. Mayday even shows the same respect for the raider who had been attacking his base, saying that he was bothered that his men had left him there to die. 

Crosshair is still throwing up his shields, like he did at the end of season 1 when he tried to convince his brothers to join him. “We’re not like the regs, we never have been. We’re superior.” 

And all of a sudden, Crosshair will die if Mayday doesn’t save him. If he doesn’t fully trust him to disarm the pressure mine he has gotten himself into. He has continued to choose to step in places that are a pressure mine waiting to go off, waiting to swallow him whole. And until now he has made enemies of anyone who has tried to help him.

Mayday saves his life, and now they’re working as a team, silently and in unison. They realize that all this effort and loss of life has been for mere equipment (that’s for their replacements, no less). Their lives really are worth even less than the epithet "used equipment" that Nolan spits in Crosshair’s face when they first meet. 

Hunter had tried to tell him on Kamino: “Can’t you see they’re using you? We’re loyal to each other, not some empire.”

Crosshair: “YOU weren’t loyal to me. I was one of you. You may have forgotten, but I haven’t. I’m going to give you what you never gave me–a chance.” Only now, after Mayday gave him that chance, is he willing to admit that Hunter was right.

How many times have those words haunted Crosshair’s thoughts?

Now this was interesting to me. Crosshair incidentally causes an avalanche by targeting a group of explosives in order to end their shootout, cracks fissuring up the mountainside. Once before he was maneuvered into a situation not of his own free will (when his chip is enhanced on Kamino), yet he stubbornly pursued that scenario when he chose to stay on the platform at the end of season 1. Once again, he is put into a situation against his will by being brought to Barton 4, but this time, he ends up creating a scenario where his choices from this moment will now have the opposite effect.

Mayday shoves Crosshair out of the way, saving his life once again. A pile of snow rips Crosshair’s helmet off of his face, and as Mayday is buried, Crosshair re-emerges his true self. 

“We have to move.” Rex’s words throughout almost all of their Clone Wars arc. Rex is selfless, telling Echo to go with the Batch if that was the best place for him. Letting Echo leave him behind, essentially. Mayday begs Crosshair to leave him behind and save himself. They both want what’s best for others. And their examples rub off on the men they save. Echo constantly does what he can to help his brothers escape the Empire. Crosshair’s sheer stubbornness that up until now has kept him tethered to the Empire, refuses to leave Mayday behind. He can’t watch another brother die in front of him. Not anymore. 

"You're still their brother, Crosshair. You're my brother too." Omega's plea to him.

So Crosshair risks his life to carry Mayday back. A REG. He refuses to let go of him the whole journey. He lets him use his sniper rifle as a crutch. All of his defenses are finally down, and he not only cares, but is willing to show he cares, BEGS ON HIS KNEES to his commanding officer for help, to show that he DOES CARE.

Finally, this struck me. We almost never see Crosshair using a hand blaster. He’s a sniper. Yet both in his encounter with his brothers on Kamino in season 1, and his confrontation with Nolan here, Crosshair picks up a regular blaster. He’s not being the sniper, distant and removed, making a kill from afar with his own rifle. This is up close, personal, a messy choice. With a hand blaster, a regular clone’s weapon. 

Crosshair’s conversation with Hunter on Kamino reads back as though he is pleading with himself to not make the same mistake twice, to stop running from his fears, to finally embrace who he is–a clone. To embrace his real purpose–protecting his brothers.  He’s made his choice. He doesn’t expect to survive. The vultures are circling both of them. In season 1 Hunter stuns him and he falls to his knees and then to the floor, passing out. Here, he snarls “Lieutenant,” in a sarcastic tribute to how Mayday had first addressed Nolan, and becomes an Angel of Death. He avenges Mayday and redeems himself, and once again falls forward and passes out with the last of his strength gone.

#the outpost #tbb season two #tbb mayday #mayday #crosshair #crosshairsweep #tbb crosshair #the bad batch #the bad batch spoilers #the bad batch season two #the bad batch season 2 #analysis #long post #the bad batch crosshair #the bad batch mayday #the bad batch hunter #tbb hunter #captain rex #the clone wars #mayday vs rex #commander mayday #tbb echo #somelightramblings #some light ramblings

[cultofdixon]

Trapped

Daryl Dixon • She/Her Pronouns • Terminus was a hell for everyone that experienced it. But you were the only one out of them all to have lived there and you saw EVERYTHING. Even lost a part of you to get you in line. That when the next community opened its doors, you were the last one adjusting • ANGST/SFW • TW: Canon Violence / Cannibals / Missing Appendage / Injuries / Scars / Anxiety Attacks / Claustrophobia / PTSD / Nightmares

Requested by: Anon

The explosion took all of their attentions away from what was about to happen. The two butchers behind the four kneeling men looked at Gareth for answers while he left in search of them.

“Should we continue?”

“I’m not sure—-hey” One of them got distracted leaving Rick’s window to be open but when he heard what’s next— “You’re not allowed in here. Where did you—-“ the gun fired making them all flinch and turn around quickly to find Y/N. Y/N…

The gun in hand was Rick’s, and it was handed to him after said retired sheriff broke loose taking out the second butcher as she took care of releasing the three still tied. Daryl didn’t hesitate to bring her into his embrace holding onto her for a short while relaxing every negative thought from the time apart. Glenn noticed her hands on Daryl’s back and quickly made the two part so that he could get a better look at the missing pinky and ringer finger of her right hand.

“How long have you been here?”

“Who the fuck did this to you?!”

“Y/N. What are we dealing—-“

“Cannibals. Fucking human eating human beings!” Y/N snaps handing Rick back his gun as he took her hand to see the damage himself. “I’m not gonna like what you’re plotting am I?”

“You know where our stuff is being held if you had my gun. We can find a lighter”

Y/N helped her group get their weapons back, along with anything else they might have taken. Resulting in the next actions being Daryl holding Y/N’s body still as Glenn held her hand for Rick to heat up his knife and pressed the heated material against the stubs where her fingers were to stop the bleeding and start the healing process.

“You know I’m a doctor right?”

“Would you do this in the green zone?”

“As a last resort” Bob states grabbing a left over bandana and wrapping it around their wound securely and temporarily. Until they find actual medical supplies. “What…did they do to your…?”

“You don’t wanna know” Y/N frowns as her words made Daryl tighten around her for a second before the small group had to retrieve the others and leave this shithole.

The reunions made the pain hurt less. But there was still something lingering there…that got triggered by the downhill spiral they all endured.

The cannibals finding and eating part of Bob

Bob dying

Finding out Eugene was useless

Finding out Beth was alive…but dead when reunited

Tyreese dying

Starving themselves

Almost dying to a herd trapped in a barn

Then the stranger that promises a safe haven, and going to such with hesitation. Y/N kept to herself as the group followed the stranger named Aaron and his partner Eric. She found herself lingering to the back watching the place come to view with more guards, another fence, and most likely another set of rules with harsh consequences. At least that’s the state of mind she’s going in with.

“Hey…come on” Maggie pulls her out of her thoughts wrapping her arm around her and walking inside the place with Y/N. “We’ve got yea. I don’t think anything bad will happen here…”

“And if it does?”

“You’ve got us” Sasha reassures joining the two as they made their way into Alexandria.

Daryl kept his attention on Y/N the entire time since they first entered Alexandria. She has Sasha and Maggie currently but it’s always nice to have another set of eyes as long as he doesn’t stare for too long. He was making sure nothing overwhelmed her or triggered her because she hasn’t sit still since arriving.

“Y/N is staying in the first floor bedroom” Carol informs Daryl who didn’t want to be inside the homes for too long in case anything happened. But he also wanted to make sure Y/N stayed in one place to avoid the worrying of where she’s at. “The surgeon here patched up her hand, what Rick and you guys did was a bit much but he would’ve done the same if he were you”

“The son of a bitch doesn’t look like he’s stepped out of this place since the beginning”

“Regardless. Y/N hasn’t slept since the fall of the prison and if you’re not leaving the porch to yknow take a much needed shower or to scowl at one of the pretty boys…if anything happens, Y/N will need you.”

Daryl knew this already, but Carol knew a part of him was still hurting. Blaming himself for Beth’s death. Beating himself up for not finding Y/N and having her suffer the horrors of that place the longest. He wasn’t going to leave his spot unless something bad happened.

Y/N sat up in her bed to be met with a dark room, only light was on her. She felt her fingers seeing that they were there, until a hand came into view grabbing her wrist and yanking her forward.

The woman fell out of bed on her hands and knees as the light only followed her. She gasps to the sudden pain returning to her ribs as she fell through the floor landing straight on her side.

As the prison fills into the world surrounding Y/N, she looks at her person finding the damage from the fall of the prison littered on her body. Weakness from recovering from being sick…and the bruised ribs from an explosion knocking her off the second floor to the first in A block.

Need to get out

Need to get out

Need to get…

Y/N found herself sitting up in restraints in a cold building. Felt like a freezer of a warehouse. She scans around the once dark again room as footsteps echoed in the darkness. Revealing Gareth who held a nutcracker behind his back.

“You stumbled in our community, and killed one of our own”

She couldn’t speak.

“You’ll suffer the consequences…and then work for me. Unless you’d want to lose another finger” Gareth smirks as Y/N suddenly screams in pain to find one of her fingers missing. “Just. Cooperate…and you can live here.”

Suddenly Y/N was on her back gripping onto the set of hands gripping her throat staring up at one of the butchers who had enough of her attitude. Gareth appears beside him watching the light in her face but right before she passed out, he made the man let go.

“Another”

The sudden screaming caught Daryl off guard as he stops talking to Glenn about the asshole sons of Deanna to rush into the home. Glenn of course followed in case something worse was happening but as he joined the scene watching Daryl get swatted away from Y/N’s fetal position in the corner of the room. He quickly grabbed the back of Daryl’s vest pulling him away causing a bit of a fight.

“The hell are you doing?!”

“She’s still having the nightmare” Glenn points out the fact that she’s never opened her eyes since he arrived and given when Daryl first entered she didn’t know instantly that it was him. “You need to be more careful”

“Right…Fuck” Daryl frowns taking it slow and approaching Y/N’s curled position grabbing the blanket off the bed.

“It’s okay. Y/N…you’re not where you’re at” Glenn whispers approaching along with the archer in case she retaliated. “You are in a house…that you share with Carol…and Daryl…in the new community. That is scary…and full of new people…”

“But we’re here…” Daryl states watching her body relax slowly. “You ain’t alone like back at Terminus……we reunited. We’re safe. You are safe”

The two stopped when her body relaxed enough for Daryl to bring the blanket around her without any freak out. When she woke she retracted a bit making Daryl back off and Glenn shoot out reassurance until she relaxed again but conscious.

“You had a nightmare”

“That triggered sleepwalking or I don’t know what you’d call being asleep but acting the nightmare.” Glenn sat on the bed as Y/N curled up with the blanket around her with Daryl keeping his hands on her knees. “Uhm. I know the timing is terrible but what happened in the nightmare?”

“Felt more like a night terror…but uh…I don’t really want to talk about it”

“That’s fine. Just know you’ve got us whenever you’re ready to talk about it” Glenn got up from the bed. “Do you want anything before Daryl can—-“

“I’m okay…thank you Glenn”

Once he left, Daryl got up from the floor to help Y/N off the ground. He directs her back to bed sitting on the edge once she got in entirely covering herself more in the blanket.

“Imma ask, if yea need anything before I grab assumptions”

“…my hand hurts”

“Pain meds it is” Daryl pats her knee getting up to grab what she’ll need leaving her alone for a moment.

Y/N brought her knees to her chest covering her entire person with the blanket Daryl wrapped around her shoulders earlier. She wanted to make herself small for just a second to find some sense of calm…even when her heart was still racing like it did when she was in Terminus.

The night of the party came and Daryl wasn’t going to go. Because he hates that shit and wants to be there for Y/N, who hasn’t left her room since receiving it. He kept to the porch as he smoked to clear his mind of the mental toll she could be experiencing when Aaron walked by.

“Not going to the party?”

“Nah, I’ve got shit to take care of”

Aaron nods thinking about his next response before just going for it. “Want some dinner? I wasn’t gonna go because of Eric so we’re staying in”

“I uh…” Daryl turned toward the house expecting Y/N’s bubbly self to come out but that was taken from everybody. “Y/N hasn’t left the house and—“

“You don’t wanna leave your partner. I get it” Aaron smiles. “But if you come by. For just. 15 minutes. You can eat…grab a plate for her” he offers and left on that note.

Fifteen minutes…

And he didn’t have to worry about it one bit. Daryl came back actually past fifteen minutes to find Y/N in the kitchen in fresh clothes and grabbing a glass of water. He joins her at the kitchen island setting down the bowl of spaghetti he brought for her from Aaron’s.

“The party?”

“Nah. Wouldn’t go to that shit without yea. Just went to Aaron’s for dinner” Daryl watches her inspect it. “I had two plates. It ain’t poisoned.”

“Thank you for bringing me dinner…” Her smile returns to her as it always brought a sense of warmth to Daryl.

Daryl brought himself beside her while she ate her dinner in the comforts of his presence. Y/N finishes her dinner and put the bowl in the sink to wash later…feeling Daryl come up behind her wrapping his arms around her torso resting his chin on her shoulder.

“I’m sorry you were stuck there…”

“You don’t have to apologize, Dar…we’re safe now” Y/N rubs his forearm gently. “Right?”

“M’not leavin’ anymore. You’re stuck with me now” Daryl smiles listening to her laugh that he missed so much.

“Good”

#cultofdixon #the walking dead #daryl dixon #daryl dixon x reader #daryl dixon fanfiction

[olibensstuff]

I don't know if someone has already asked this, but I would, in fact, like to hear about this mission impossible au :3

It sounds so exciting and action-packed!

OK OK THIS IS GONNA BE A SUPER LONG POST YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!

this is THE most self indulgent au I think I’ve ever made it appeals to me specifically!! Below the cut is the whole au plus some scribbles and sketches!!!

SO this takes place a few days pre episode one of tmnt 2012!! Which means these guys have NEVER left the lair before!! Something Bad Happens in the sewers I’m thinking explosion?? But the government goes in to check it out, where they discover the turtles!!! Splinter got very very hurt during sewer explosion and did not make it. When the gov finds the turtles, they’re coping with splints death and are Not doing well. The gov was going to take them in to study them, but the IMF get involved and offer them the Choice instead. Become a ghost and disappear, or be studied in a lab. Leo makes the decision for everyone

OK OK SO after that they wind up doing tons of super cool missions and stuff for the IMF. Raph is really angry at Leo for agreeing because he doesn’t like doing what some government wants them to do. He just wants to find a new sewer and go back to how things were (which they can’t really do anyways cause splinters dead). This leads to sort of destructive habits for a little while cause he’s so angry at his situation and lack of control in it

I DO WANNA ADD THEY GET HUMAN DISGUISES!!! They use fake backpacks to hide their shells and the rest of the disguise is literally just how they make disguises in the movie with all that cool tech!! I haven’t drawn many of them but here’s Raphs!!

I’ve got Mikey’s too but you’ll see that in a sec😚😚

OKOK SO THERES THAT CONFLICT GOING ON but the other bros are also coping?? Obviously it’s a lot of changes out of no where so they’re have an Experience

Dons a lot more deadpan- but in a silly way I promise

See????? Silly goofy🥺

Mikey’s stays the same for the most part!! He does have a bigger sense of responsibility though cause he wants to keep the family together while they’re constantly pulling off these crazy missions. here’s the crew and their roles!!

** Leo’s part is supposed to say “final say on plans” sorry😔😔 OK OK NOW THAT THATS OUT OF THE WAY HERES THE MAIN AU PLOT!!!

so the crew have done a couple of missions now, and they get one to figure out what’s going on at the TCRI cause a bunch of scientists have started going missing around that buildings area. The crew set up a plan, break in, only to discover it’s ran by aliens!! Who might have something to do with how the turtles came to exist in the first place!! And what’s worse is that there’s two teenagers caught up in the mix

introducing April and Casey!!

Mikey runs into them first and after they INSIST on helping he gets them roped into the whole thing.

Don doesn’t see April or Casey cause he’s doing guy in the chair stuff, so he isn’t crushing on April for this story BUT his and Casey’s relationship is still how it is in the show sort of

I just. I just really love their dynamic. It’s so funny to me. So silly….

in the end they take down all the Kraang after a bunch of cool action fights, raph and Leo make up, and everyone is happy yippee

SORRY THAT WAS LONG AND VERY INFODUMPY I CAME UP WITH THIS AT 12 AM AFTER WATCHING THE MOVIE FOR THE FIRST TIME SO ITS KINDA INCOHERENT

#tmnt #2012 tmnt #asks #Sorry for the bad scribbles most of them are small things I draw as warm ups for other drawigns #THANK YOU FOR ASKING #mission impossible

[geckosquid]

Finished Ghost Trick! Man, the end was really plot twist after plot twist, huh.

Here are my notes for chapters 15-18

Strap in, this is going to be a long one and I don’t know how to add a read more on mobile.

I was correct. The body is just a puppet for the manipulator’s soul.

It is the body of the main character from the beginning of the game, there aren’t two of them. So why are there two souls?

Damn these puzzles are getting hard. I really don’t like to do things in the last second.

Missile was the real MVP of these last two levels. Best doggo.

The manipulator had the powers of manipulation before he died?

Cabenera climbed the organizational ladder to make sure he could funnel all their reseach into the case of the manipulator? So he did care, this whole time…

The bird man used to be a medical examiner, that’s how he was able to tell the blue guy was a fraud.

What do you mean you couldn’t perform the autopsy?

What the fuck is Sissel’s body made of?! The assassin was angrily mocking cabenera about being in in pain because the explosion broke his ribs. Sissel mentions that the assassin didn’t feel anything when he slammed his fist on the stove, which should have burned him. Implying that he can’t feel anything because he’s dead.

The fuck did that meteorite do to him?!

Allowed him to control the bodies of living people, apparently.

Joud gets his detective coat back! All detectives need to have a cool coat.

Oh shit it’s almost 5:00am…

Here we go! Time to confront the “Other Sissel”

The bullet the “Other Sissel” was shot with wasn’t to see if he could kill him, it was to put a radio transmitter in the body so they could find where the sub was! So clever! The receiver was in the POCKET WATCH!

I FUCKING TOLD YOU THE POCKET WATCH WAS IMPORTANT!!

The meteorite fragment was still lodged in Sissel’s body? They stole it from him? What’s the blue people want with it?

Oh shit I think the room ejected and exploded. With the detective in it.

LYNNE WHY YOU ALWAYS DYING, WHY YOU ALWAYS DYING? STOP FUCKING DYING!

Oh shit the other sissel is controlling Kamilla!

Of course your revenge plan has failed! Sissel has been working hard all night to un-kill all the people you have killed!

I don’t understand revenge either, Sissel. I’m still confused. It looks like the Sissel who’s the main character and the Sissel who’s the antagonist came from the same person, but are different souls. How did that happen?

You’re right Lynne, stealing the meteorite is cheating.

Stupid rat, get out of the way!

You guys can’t swim! At a time like this?!

Who is this? What was that mechanical arm?

is it other Sissel?

He knows about protaganist Sissel?

He turned back into a wisp… but now we finally get the answers to everything.

The meteorite gives people power and time, huh. That’s why he didn’t disappear after it killed him. And why Sissel can rewind time.

So the meteorite killed him, but due to its power, stuck his body in limbo between life and death. It’s physically dead, that’s why he can’t feel anything, like the hot stovetop or the explosion. There’s no nerve endings anymore for him to feel pain.

The meteorite gives the ghost powers, huh. Neat.

That’s not the whole story though. If both of you aren’t called “Sissel” what’s your name?

Yeah, where is Joud?

The end of this game is gonna make me cry, isn’t it. Because the characters who are dead will have to disappear and leave the others behind.

The person we thought was Sissel the whole game…his name is Yominel. Yominel was a computer engineer. And that’s how he got caught up in this mess.

That blue hunk is a robot?!

So now that the meteor fragment was removed, we can go back in time and prevent Yominel’s death from happening and setting off this whole chain of events in the first place.

But that doesn’t change the fact that we don’t know who Sissel is or where he came from. Or who the lamp and the cat from the first chapter are.

Wait, there’s the cat again. IS SISSEL’S TRUE IDENTITY THAT BLACK CAT?!

We stopped the meteorite, the bullet, but in the end Yominel was still impaled in the back.

HE’S STILL ALIVE?!

So he posesses his own body, in the past, to save Lynne. He’s still alive after being crushed by the statue!?

Aw, Joud gives her a little detective badge. So she becomes a detective in the future anyway.

Oh Sissel was the cat! This whole time!

And by saving yominel, we have prevented the deaths of everyone in the future, including his fiancé, who Sissel was named after, and fixed the timeline!

But yominel and sissel won’t know each other anymore. I don’t like when characters who are interconnected have fate overwritten so it never happens.

THE LAMP?! Do we get to find out who the lamp was?! Was it one of the main characters from a bad end timeline?

Yep. It is. The timeline where everyone dies because Sissel was not there to save them.

The lamp is Missile from the bad timeline? Aw, Missile from that timeline looks scruffy and old. And in the bad timeline, Sissel was the desk lamp.

BAD TIMELINE MISSILE, YOU SNEAKY DOG! We had thought the whole time that Sissel would disappear when dawn came and you’re telling us now YOU MADE IT UP?! And you kept up with Sissel’s assumption he was human because it was the only way to change the timeline for the better.

In the new present we get the birthday scene again, but it works right this time, and Lynne is there! Sissel is ten years old but still a kitten, huh. So the meteor still got lodged in his body somehow. They even kept the same name!

Yominel was the painter in jail this time, and he got out after 10 years and is wife was waiting for him!

I must say, this game ended way better than I was expecting I thought we would have to say goodbye to Sissel at the end when his time was up. But damn he really saved everyone.

#geckosquid plays ghost trick #ghost trick #damn this was an incredible game I know why you all were banging pots and pans for everyone to go play it #I will admit I had to use a guide for most of the puzzles because I don’t have a puzzle brain #geckosquid posts #ghost trick spoilers #long post

[megamindsupremacy]

Team Red fic recs

(Or ya know, at least 2 out of the 3 of them)

How to make friends:an essay by Peter Parker by softlyblue

me: hey have u seen twitter

matt: i haven’t seen twitter no

me: that stopped being funny about 203738 years ago

dont interact (wade): dont listen 2 him bby ur hilarious

Daredevil and Deadpool and Spiderman. The only thing - the only thing - they have in common is the red in their suits.

And, apparently, their unique ability to put up with one another.

-

Spider season by selador

Peter Parker is Ben Urich's intern at the Bulletin. He's alright, as far as interns go. Bad coffee, but he fights crime bosses who want Ben dead. That wins a lot of points with Ben, that's for sure.

-

How to (not) meet new people by aloneintherain

“Why is there a teenager in our office?”

Foggy stood in the threshold of the office, mouth slightly agape, most likely wondering if he’d walked into the wrong building. The kid waved at him, smile huge under a blooming black eye and spilt lip.

“Foggy,” Matt said, far too calm for someone who was in the presence of a beaten, bloodied, teenage stranger. “This is Peter.”

-

The devil and the unknown by Phoenixyfriend

The boy doesn’t approach him as Daredevil. Not at first.

“Hello, Mister Murdock, you don’t remember me, nobody, um, remembers me—no, no, that sounds dumb.”

“Hi, Mister Murdock! I’m Peter Parker, and I kind of stopped being a person, a few months ago, and you helped me once and I was hoping you could help me find out if I still have a social security number? No, that’s worse.”

“Hi, I’m Peter Parker. You don’t remember me, but you helped me once, and I know you help people who are in… weird situations. There was a wizard involved. I don’t know if I’m legally a citizen anymore, and… no, that doesn’t… heck.”

-

Inimitable Verse by deniigiq

“Peter, is it supposed to be doing that?” One of his students asked him. He looked up to see the industrial-strength magnets he’d collected for this lab trying to crack through the glass between them to be reunited. The glass splintered.

“Yeah, no. That’s totally fine,” he lied. Then he inconspicuously chased everyone to the corner of the lab, donned a glove, and smashed the glass so that it wouldn’t splinter and stab someone in the eye in its explosion.

His students cheered.

He needed a drink.

(Peter gets called back to the city at the age of 25 to help mitigate the rapidly increasing crime rate. He's in way over his head, so he sets out to re-establish Team Red.)

-

The Teenage Vigilante's Guide by candlesneedflame

While Tony's assistance with all of Peter's technological needs has been invaluable, he hasn't managed to be much of a mentor when it comes to the actual hero aspect of being a powered person. After a chance encounter, Peter finds himself being mentored by none other than Daredevil with no shortage of guest-taught lessons from the older vigilante's friends and acquaintances. This exposure to the grittier side of the city and vigilantism as a whole leads Peter to discover a conspiratorial plot to destroy New York City.

#mads posts #fic recs #fic rec list #marvel fic recs #marvel fic rec lists #god #i left my team red obsession before I started saving fics #there are. so many i do not have #pain. sadness.

[shoyoackerman]

(ignore the previous request I sent 😭) an-knee-ways, I’m back again with another college au hc request. May I request college student!satori? I couldn’t choose between kenma & satori at first bcs they’re my highest kins but here I am. thanks in advance. <3333

college!satori hcs

| Satori is a morning person. The first person to wake up in the apartment, energy drink for breakfast as he stares out at the sunrise by the balcony. Just as the sun begins to rise and the sky paints itself like a scene from a Studio Ghibli film. An explosion of purple, blues and yellows.

| He loves the morning, the light. Because all his life as a child growing up he had been kept at the back, in the dark.

| Bilingual? No. Trilingual? Yes! Satori speaks French and English fluently. He likes to insult everyone in French, knowing that none of them know what he’s saying. (“Tetsu you’re a fugly baguette” “did you just call me a bread!?”)

| Satori takes food science. When he first started he needed Tetsurou help because he understood nothing about the chemistry element. Was completely flabbergasted at science being involved but found it really interesting to learn about food. Likes to use his knowledge from class to annoy everyone whilst they eat (“you know that’ll kill you” “suck my dick” “well that is a source of protein!”)

| Works at the bakery down the street from their apartment where the old lady who owns the place loves Satori and his friends. Allows him to take home food that doesn’t get sold. Satori loves baking with her, it makes him feel like a child again being able to bake with a mother figure. #absentmotherthings

| On campus some people are still afraid of him and his eccentric personality, it’s not as bad as middle school and high school where people would outright point and laugh or talk behind his back. In college he is more ignored which honestly doesn’t hurt as bad, it still stings a small part of him. However there are also a lot more eccentric personalities in college that makes him fit right in. (Besides, people have more worries than society's standards of what is normal, such as midterms and exams!)

| Theatre boy Satori at your service. Absolutely in love with that class, especially since Shoyo is also in the same class as him. Will act out the entire twilight plot with him as Edward and Shoyo as Bella. The professors are sick of him. (They held a Addams Family Performance, Satori was Mortica and Shoyo played Gomez. Was the performance of the year)

| You will absolutely find him singing ‘It’s Tough to Be A God’ from El Dorado in the cafeteria. Has a whole ensemble. Actually knows the exact lines from the entire movie and will randomly recite it. (Has been written up for disrupting class)

| Psychology boy Satori to the rescue. No but he tops the class, will take one look at you and figure you out. The therapist friend that everyone goes to, only is literally a therapist. He really enjoys it, loves the critical thinking aspect and the way you learn about the human mind. Although he has great potential to be a therapist, he looks his career advisors dead in the eyes and says “No thanks, I’m going to be an embalmer” he was sent to the counsellor the next day.

| Satori and Keiji will talk about astrology and peoples mbti signs. Satori, Kenma and Takanobu are the only ones allowed near Keiji’s crystals.

| You know how there's always that one person in class who's always eating. Satori is that person. Constantly. Professors don’t say anything because he always brings them a cup of their favourite coffee.

| Satori has and continues to teach classes whenever their professor is late. Has the whole set up, his own pointer-stick in his bag just in case. And whenever the professors come in he will single them out like they’re a late student. Everyone loves Professor Tendou.

| Country music enthusiast. His ringtone is Jolene. Will purposely have his phone on the ringer and let calls ring out just so he can sing along to the song. The professors have started confiscating his phone before class. Not like that will stop him. Has a backup flip phone in his sock.

| Satori and Rintaro once hotboxed Yuji's car. Everyone came out of the apartment and saw the car smoked up with flashing led lights and music booming from inside.

| Wikipedia is his best friend. He loves his classes (most of the time) but he’s also the biggest procrastinator. Not like he does it on purpose he just gets distracted easily by other things. #adhdthings

| And so whenever he's stuck on homework and essays he goes to Wikipedia and copies what he needs and then translates it into Hindu and then into English and back into Japanese before correcting misspellings. Plagiarise is his middle name.

| Gets invited to the biggest and best parties. Every weekend he’s out, and will drag everyone with him. Including Kenma by bribing him with his famous peanut butter chocolate chip cookies. Most of those parties end with all of them extremely hungover with no recollection of the night before. Except Rintaro who has an unfairly high alcohol tolerance and records everything. everything.

| (At the end of the year Rin will do a slideshow of every embarrassing photo and video he has of everyone. A night of chaos)

| Outrageously annoying at home and likes to play the tsunami siren on speaker to wake everyone up. And I’m return for being annoying he offers them piping hot pancakes and bacon for breakfast.

| Is the designated cook along with Shoyo. They will alternate between who cooks breakfast and who cooks dinner. Nobody else is allowed in the kitchen after Tetsu and Rintaro burned the food and the fire department was called and everyone in the building had to evacuate.

| Has nicknames for all the professors and will say it to their face and they allow it. Is definitely a favourite student but also one of their most annoying. Still all secretly love him.

+ BONUS

Satori always had plans on moving away from Japan. He didn’t have the greatest memories in Miyagi, aside from being at Shiratorizawa. He wanted to start anew, somewhere nobody knew him and wouldn’t judge him. He was tempted, really tempted, to get the cheapest plane flight to anywhere in the world when Tetsurou called him asking if he wanted to be roommates with seven other people. Best decision he had ever made.

+ BONUS PT. 2

His music is the most chaotic shit you’ll ever hear <3

+ BONUS PT. 3

his style is *mwah* immaculate

#haikyuu fandom #haikyuu #college student au #haikyuu 2022 #haikyuu college au #haikyuu headcanons #tendou headcanons #tendo satori #hinata shoyo #suna rintaro #keiji akaashi #kotaro bokuto #kuroo tetsurou #yuji terushima #kozume kenma #takanobu aone #shoyoackerman

[shagpaboloutpost]

Set in my Dead Brothers Rescue Coalition au, because my brain won’t let it go: in the simplest of terms, this is a Domino Squad lives au and the war is over now; Hevy spent some time in the Coruscant Guard befriending my oc Nel who helped him and the rest of Domino stop Palpatine and reveal the truth about the chips. There’s a lot more context but it doesn’t play into this snippet too much, since it is very oc-centric

(Part Two; Part Three is coming soon)

It was the first time Tibanna had been to Coruscant since… he didn’t remember. He’d been once. He’d hidden in the barracks the whole time, sure that if he set foot on the streets every red-clad clone on the planet would know and treat him accordingly.

Not a terribly rational fear, but his more rational brain agreed with the outcome anyway if not the logic.

Assignment to Shag Pabol had been a gift. He’d never have to go to Coruscant again, and never risk running into a Guard who knew about him.

Now the war was over, and clones were being recalled to the Core in batches of a hundred, so they could be questioned at length about what they wanted out of life. The Jedi did it compassionately, at least; the Senate was clearly doing it because they were worried about money. For Tibanna, who’d had to spend the entire flight here listening to Starcatcher ask the same questions, it was all torture.

And what the hell was he meant to answer, anyway? His life was Shag Pabol. It was always supposed to be Shag Pabol. Who wanted a bomb defused by someone who couldn’t stand the sight of explosives? Who wanted demolitions done by a man who’d try anything but demolition? Even Wraith hadn’t wanted him, until he saw that Tibanna wasn’t about to let anyone get hurt for his shortcomings.

“Think bigger!” Starcatcher had urged him. “It’s not about doing what you’ve been doing. If you could do anything in the galaxy, what would you do?”

“I’d shove you out an airlock,” Widow had said from two seats down. A couple clones – mostly Tibanna’s squad – had snickered. Tyrant had drawn herself upright, eyes blazing.

“Widow,” she said coldly. Widow’s mouth had closed with a click. Tyrant had looked over at Starcatcher.

“Give Tibanna time to think it over,” she’d advised, flicking a sympathetic glance his way. “What are your plans?”

Starcatcher had a million of them, which if you asked Tibanna meant he wasn’t any more decisive about it than those of them who had no answer at all. But he had a feeling if he pushed his luck Tyrant would come down hard on all of them, and Wraith would be glad to watch. It was always dangerous when those two were together.

The peace only lasted so long. Not being separated by squad meant time to form new alliances, and potentially dangerous ones at that. Tibanna knew the night would go wrong when Festival called his name with Teal, Turquoise, Magenta, and Starcatcher at his back.

“You’re coming out with us, right?”

“Festival…” Tibanna searched for an excuse that wouldn’t give away how much he didn’t want to be here.

“Come on! No fireworks in bars, after all. Every clone in the army’s been to 79’s but us.”

“I’ve been,” Starcatcher offered.

“Everyone including Starcatcher but not us,” Festival said. “Tibanna. What’s the issue this time? I know you’re not actually allergic to fun.”

He sighed.

“Fine,” he said. “Fine, but only so I can keep you idiots from crashing a speeder into a wall once you’re drunk.”

“Oh, thank the Force,” Magenta said. “I didn’t want to go. You can deal with them.”

“Wait –“ Tibanna said, alarmed, but Magenta was already gone. He looked at the assembled clones with a sinking feeling: Festival, Starcatcher, Teal, and Turquoise.

“Please tell me Wraith or Ty will be there,�� he said faintly.

“Not sure,” Festival said. “Only one way to find out!”

Wraith was there, and Festival whooped with delight as soon as they saw him. Teal leaned over to Turquoise, muttering something in his ear with a dirty look at Wraith. Tibanna may not be Magenta, but he knew their plotting faces when he saw them. He put an arm around each of them and hauled them after Festival to the booth where Wraith sat.

“Sergeant! Hi!” Starcatcher said delightedly. Wraith turned, and Tibanna froze. He barely noticed when Teal and Turquoise wriggled out of his grip. There were two clones sitting opposite Wraith. One wore civilian clothing. The other was fully kitted out in Coruscant Guard red, their helmet sitting on the table beside them.

“I don’t think this is the party you’re looking for,” Wraith said, but he scooted over to let Festival sit anyway. Tibanna knew he was standing there like an idiot, but he didn’t know what to do.

“What are you up to, sir? Catching up with old friends from your Intelligence days?” Starcatcher asked.

“Classified,” Wraith said.

“Banthashit, the army’s disbanded!” Turquoise blurted, apparently more eager to push his luck than he was to escape Wraith’s watchful eye altogether. “Nothing’s classified anymore.”

The clone without armour laughed.

“You’d be surprised,” they said. Teal perked up; Tibanna couldn’t blame her. This vod had a unique accent.

“Sergeant!” Teal whispered. “Sergeant, that’s the one from the recording!”

“Told you I’d be famous, Hevy,” they said. The Coruscant Guard groaned and shoved their friend.

“Ignore him,” Hevy said. “They’re the only people we know actually saw the thing, anyway.”

“That we know of,” he replied. “Hey, Hevy, scoot over, they’re still stuck standing there.”

“There’s plenty of space!” Hevy protested.

“I’m fine,” Tibanna said. “I was just – uh –“

Wraith was watching him now. Of course Wraith would notice something was wrong.

“What’s this about a recording?” Starcatcher asked.

“I found this recording in our systems,” Teal said eagerly. “After a security breach a couple months back? The one where nothing happened? And Ty and Sergeant Wraith said to keep it quiet – oh. Sorry, sir.”

“It’s not sensitive anymore,” Wraith said. “Right?”

“We just don’t want to advertise it, in case somebody doesn’t like how much time we spent breaking and entering,” said the clone with the accent. Wraith nodded. He looked up at Tibanna again, but looked away without saying anything.

“Right,” Teal said. “That’s… Was it true, then? All the things the recording said?”

Wraith pursed his lips.

“Your unit is scheduled to have your chips removed tomorrow morning,” said Hevy quietly. “We didn’t make an army-wide announcement, because the Senate is being awful as it is.”

That we was strange to hear. Hevy wasn’t a high-ranking clone, going off the armour. But they talked like these decisions had been theirs to make. Tibanna wondered again about the details of the war’s sudden end.

“Sir, if you knew about this how come we didn’t?” Starcatcher asked, sounding hurt. He was the only one. Tibanna and Festival were both used to the way Wraith operated, and Teal had obviously told Turquoise right away.

“Op sec,” Wraith said, ignoring Festival as she mouthed it with him. “Need to know only.”

“Do we get the story now?” Starcatcher asked plaintively. Everyone very visibly leaned in. Hevy nudged their vod. The other clone nudged back. Wraith groaned.

“It’s classified –“

“I’m not getting their drinks.”

Another Coruscant Guard nudged Tibanna gently out of the way with an elbow, setting down drinks for Hevy, Wraith, and the other clone. They sat next to Hevy with a wince and a sigh. As the light hit their cheek, Tibanna knew why. They’d grown their hair out, keeping it tied in a loose braid, and an intricate-looking tattoo peeked out from their sleeve, curling a little tail across the back of their ungloved hand. Those things didn’t matter. Tibanna knew the shape of the scars he’d given them.

“Shrapnel,” he blurted.

Everyone stared but Shrapnel, who curled their hand around their glass and didn’t look up.

“I was hoping that wasn’t you,” they said quietly.

“Nel?” Hevy asked.

“How deep does this dark secret thing go?” Starcatcher complained.

“Go order your drinks,” Wraith commanded the others, picking up on the implications in an instant just like always. Tibanna liked his sergeant most days, but he’d never been quite so grateful for him before. Teal and Festival took their cues, pushing Starcatcher and Turquoise with them. Wraith stood, setting a hand on Tibanna’s arm.

“Do you two need a minute?”

“It won’t take a minute,” Shrapnel said. “There’s nothing to say.”

Wraith looked from one vod to the other, obviously calculating something.

“We may not be friends, Nel,” he said. “But I think mutual informants owe each other something, and I ought to tell you that Tibanna’s one of the best I’ve ever worked with. More careful and considerate than most of my squad, and thinks everything through. It means he’s not half bad at talking those things through, either, if you let him.”

“This has nothing to do with you, sergeant,” Shrapnel said. “I’m sure you’re proud to stand up for your troops.”

“Nel, what the –“ Hevy hissed.

“I’m leaving, actually,” Shrapnel announced, visibly struggling to their feet. Tibanna’s guilt twisted over and around itself in his stomach. “Don’t want to bring your party down.”

“Shrapnel, wait,” Tibanna said, finally finding his voice as he grabbed for their wrist frantically. “Please, I – how have you been?”

“In pain,” they said shortly. “And that’s not my name.” They shook him off and walked away.

“You’re Nel’s batchmate,” Hevy said.

“Is this supposed to mean something to the rest of us?” their brother whispered. Hevy swatted him.

“I’ll tell you later, Cutup,” they said. “You are, aren’t you?”

Tibanna managed to nod.

“Shrapnel is a pretty cruel joke of a name,” Hevy said coldly.

“This coming from the man who named Droidbait?” Cutup muttered into his drink. Judging by his wince a second later, Hevy had kicked him.

“I didn’t – They were Shrapnel before it happened,” Tibanna protested weakly. He sank into a seat at last, more because he didn’t trust his legs to hold him than because he wanted to be here.

“Tibanna,” Wraith said. “What’s going on?”

Tibanna got the feeling Wraith already knew; he knew what Tibanna had done, just not who he’d done it to. The fact that Shrapnel – Nel and Wraith had known each other from Coruscant was a surprise. He was glad he’d never dropped Nel’s old name. Wraith was clever enough to put the pieces together.

“You know,” Tibanna said. Hevy was watching him like a judge. Cutup looked worried. He wished Festival would come back. He could use a squadmate. “I wasn’t careful, and I wanted to show off. Nel had an idea, some theory they wanted to test, and I loved going along with that kind of thing. I walked away to get something, leaving unstable compounds behind, and…”

He tried to say it all with the cadence of a briefing, something he’d learned a long time ago from Wraith to keep the feelings out of it. He almost made it through.

“I’m going after her,” Hevy announced, standing up. He looked Tibanna over with a neutral expression. Tibanna had assumed that was an Intelligence thing, when Wraith did it, but maybe it was just a Coruscant thing. The music and lights in the bar shifted, and for a moment Hevy looked like Nel had on that awful day. Tibanna dropped his head into his hands. The last thing he needed was to hallucinate from guilt.

“Hevy,” Cutup hissed.

“I know,” he hissed back. “Just – you can just drink your drink, all right?”

“Like hell,” Cutup said. Tibanna dug his fingers into his scalp, refusing to look up at whatever display of brotherly devotion was in front of him. He didn’t deserve it.

“Nel won’t talk to you, anyway,” Hevy said. “I’ll be back.”

Wraith sat gingerly beside Tibanna, who refused to look up.

“If I’d known I knew your batchmate…” he began awkwardly.

Now Tibanna did look up, the better to fix his sergeant with a doleful glare.

“What would you have said, sir? What could you say?”

Wraith’s moustache twitched unhappily. With a look of extreme discomfort, he gingerly wrapped an arm around Tibanna’s shoulders.

“You’re still a terrible hugger, sir,” Tibanna informed him, but he appreciated the gesture. From the look Wraith gave him, equal parts tired and amused and fond, he knew.

“Uh,” Cutup said. “Do you want to hear about the crazy Force parts of ending the war, or should I not try to distract you?”

“Please tell me about anything that doesn’t involve Nel,” Tibanna said. Cutup made a face.

“Crazy Force shit it is.”

#my ocs are once again incredibly interconnected oops #writing #au #dead brothers coalition #clone trooper tibanna #sergeant wraith #appearances by festival teal turquoise and starcatcher #clone trooper nel #clone ocs #clone trooper hevy #clone trooper cutup #clone wars

[nammikisulora]

Immortality/Mortality

For @mechtober2022's 7th daily prompt, Immortality/Mortality, Marius meets Raphaella for the first time.

On AO3 here as well as below the cut. CW for war setting and canon-typical violence.

---

When he sees Raphaella for the first time, Marius thinks he's finally lost his mind. He’s been wandering aimlessly for weeks, confused and half-mad with terror, so when he sees her fly fearlessly into the hail of bullets, he simply assumes that his last grip on sanity has broken at last.

Exhausted, he sinks down on the ground, not even bothering to find cover this time. The angel – because what else could she be? – crashes to the ground, her body broken and riddled with lead, and Marius sits quietly and waits for death. That he was desperate enough to escape it to sew a robot arm onto the stump of his own only weeks ago is something he’s forgotten, at least for the time being.

But death doesn’t come. By some miracle the soldiers don’t discover him, and a huge explosion some distance away causes them to leave the angel’s body to its fate as well.

For a while Marius remains where he is, but eventually curiosity gets the better of him, overriding the exhaustion. His immediate surroundings seem to be safe enough, he’ll just take a look…

He creeps toward the fallen angel, and reaches her just as she sits up, brushing matted blonde hair out of her face.

Marius screams and scrambles back. She was dead, he’s certain of it, because nothing could survive what she just went through. Panic constricting his lungs and making his head swim, he stares at her: her bloody, tattered clothes, her muddy face and tangled hair… the large, metallic wings protruding from her back.

“Y-you – you w-were shot”, he croaks, vaguely wondering if he’s going to be sick. “You fell, you died –”

The angel sighs and shakes her head.

“I can’t die”, she says with a brief smile, and reaches out for his robot arm. He snatches it away, and backs off a little more. She sighs again. “I can’t die permanently, their bullets can’t hurt me more than a mosquito. Not for longer than a few minutes, anyway. And I think you’re the same. Can I see it?”

This time she holds out her hand, palm up, and waits until Marius gathers his courage and places his metal hand in hers. She examines it carefully, testing his reflexes and mobility, and he’s too confused to protest. Eventually he manages to formulate the burning question of what the hell she means, ‘they’re the same’?

“Oh”, she exclaims, dropping his hand. “You mean you don’t know?”

“Know what?”

“There are stories about you, you know. Well, rumours. About –”

“What!?”

“– a battlefield ghost, roaming the city and its outskirts, who’s been reported killed over and over, but always keeps coming back. I think it’s you.”

“I – what?”

“So tell me – Actually, what’s your name?”

Marius is so startled by the sudden mundane question that he almost slips up and forgets himself. Only almost, though.

“By- M-marius. I’m Marius”, he stammers, and Raphaella holds out her left hand.

“I’m Raphaella la Cognizi. A pleasure to meet you, Marius…?”

“Just Marius.” He shakes her hand, glad she offered him a chance to use his flesh one for it. Before he has time to ask her anything about herself, she pulls herself back to business mode. 

“So, Marius, how did you get that arm?”

Hesitantly he tells her what he remembers, uncomfortable with the way her eyes gleam when he recounts one of the worst days of his life. When he's done, he feels more sick than ever, but Raphaella looks like he's just given her an amazing gift.

"But I haven’t died!" he cries. "I've just been really lucky, I – Why are you looking at me like that?"

"You don't know. You really don't know."

"Know… what?"

"I think you're immortal, Marius. Like I am."

"What? No! There's no way –" Okay, maybe he can buy that Raphaella is. He did see her rise unscathed from something that should have killed her, after all, even if he isn't completely convinced just yet. But him, immortal? That's just ridiculous. Impossible! He's just some guy with a robot arm he somehow attached himself, who's had a fucking insane streak of luck lately. 

That's all there's to it. Luck.

"Do you remember when you got caught in the crossfire of that ambush a week ago? You were hit, and –"

"No! I wasn't! It was a close thing, and I must've hit my head or something, but –"

"You were dead. I saw you. I couldn't approach you right then, but I saw you from a distance, and you were really, really dead. And then you got back up."

"I…" He snaps his mouth shut, fighting the renewed nausea. Black spots dance before his eyes, and it's lucky he's already sitting down, because if he wasn't, he would definitely fall over just about now…

When his head clears again, Raphaella has pushed his head down between his knees and is awkwardly stroking his back, telling him to breathe. He jerks away from her.

"You're insane", he chokes, pointing an accusing metal finger at her. Raphaella shrugs.

"Maybe. But I'm also right, and I've got something I think you really want."

"What?"

"A starship. A way out."

And no matter how fucking terrified he is, Marius can't say no to that.

#mechtober 2022 #marius von raum #raphaella la cognizi #the mechanisms fic

[turtlethon]

“Rebel Without a Fin”

Season 4, Episode 25 First US Airdate: October 13, 1990

A scientist creates a half-man, half-fish, and plans to mutate April.

The ninetieth episode of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is titled “Rebel Without a Fin”. Making his return as credited writer here is Michael Reaves, one of the best and most prolific contributors to the series during seasons two and three. The last episode written by Reaves prior to this one was “The Big Rip-Off" in December 1989.

We open with the Turtles making shifty faces at each other in the Lair, and it immediately becomes apparent that this show will also mark another return: Murakami-Wolf Dublin, the studio behind some of the most visually... remarkable episodes of TMNT handled most of this year’s syndicated run and are back at the helm here. A few crumbs of nice character work can at least be found as Splinter reprimands the Turtles for practicing their ninja moves in the living room, ordering them to go to the training area instead. This is easily the angriest he’s been all year, which is somewhat entertaining.

Remember Unbridled Technologies from “Bebop and Rocksteady Conquer the Universe"? That location makes an unlikely return here as probably the three hundredth evil scientist to debut this season crows about his “evolution accelerator”. This is Dr. Polidorius, a man who congratulates himself on his own intellect as a hatch opens up. From inside a green half-man, half-fish in a red speedo emerges. Polidorius informs the mutant that his name will be Ray – just “Ray” - and to his credit the fish-man immediately shoots this down. 

Dr. Polidorius uses a comically oversized computer/monitor setup to illustrate his plan. For some bizarre reason he has a stick up his butt about the fact that humanity emerged from the sea millions of years ago, and now he’s looking to undo that. The scientist intends to set off a series of explosions beneath New York, providing the perfect home for his new race of fish people. Ray agrees to go along with this despite feeling completely indifferent to the entire thing.

April struggles to find a strong enough news story to appease Burne Thompson, so she decides to check in with the Turtles to see if they know of anything interesting going on. During her conversation with Leonardo, footage is seen from “Raphael Knocks ‘em Dead” of the Turtles wandering through the sewers. It’s an odd choice to crib from, given that said scene had its own weird editing problems and that Leo clearly isn’t holding a Turtlecom the entire time. It doesn’t help, also, that it’s obviously from a much more aesthetically pleasing episode than this one.

With the Turtles unable to find much of interest going on beyond a pizza coupon that’s washed up in the sewers, April is left to her own devices. She adopts her model sheet pose as she informs Irma that she’s off to cover the only thing in town that’s halfway newsworthy, the opening of Donald J. Lofty’s new condo building. (Irma says nothing, having been effectively benched for this entire season beyond the two episodes with Howie.)

Ray checks in via his smart watch with Dr. Polidorius, informing him that the first set of underground explosives have been put in place. Meanwhile April is at her most socially conscious – and scathing – as she vents while on location at Lofty’s new building, pointing out that the last thing New York needs is “another high-priced yuppie reservation”. Vernon actually agrees with her for once, condemning the place as tacky and declaring that he wouldn’t live there even if he was paid to.

April catches a glimpse of Ray emerging from beneath a manhole and mistakes him for one of the Turtles. Realising this is someone else entirely she heads underground to investigate, informing our heroes of her find before almost instantly being caught by Ray. The Turtles break into a seriously janky-ass run cycle for all of about ten seconds before finding April’s Turtlecom lying on the ground.

Act two opens with Ray carrying April and saying nothing. The show then cuts to a repurposed shot of some water running through the sewers. Raphael is seen talking before the reused animation of Leonardo guiding the other Turtles around appears again. We eventually pan to a lingering shot of the bombs set up by Ray, and MW Dublin make a point of squeezing a few extra seconds out of this as it means they don’t have to actually animate anything appearing on-screen.

Ray dumps April on the floor of the lab at Unbridled Technologies. Dr. Polidorius decides to use this to his advantage, declaring that April will look lovely after her “genetic code has been combined with that of a TUNA’S!” Down in the sewers, the Turtles search for their friend and make some frankly horrific faces. Once again though there are a few brief moments where the characters become expressive and fun to look at, with Raphael attempting to wisecrack while Leonardo has clearly had enough of his shit.

April tries to make an escape, but is intercepted by a still-nonchalant Ray and placed into the evolution accelerator. Cut to... that same sewer water animation from earlier for a second time. What the hell?

Ray sets up more explosives and again checks in with Dr. Polidorius. The mutant tells his creator that after thinking about it, he doesn’t want to have to live in a city with other fish people as he likes his privacy. Polidorius is angered by this and, in an odd animation choice, props himself up atop the back of a desk chair. He rants and raves for a bit. Ray, however, couldn’t care less, and having finished up the job, returns to the lab.

The sewer water animation then appears for a third time. This is followed by the Leonardo leading the others through the sewer animation AGAIN. Okay, this is actually getting pathetic now.  Things don’t improve a great deal as the Turtles encounter Ray, and having figured out he’s responsible for April’s kidnapping, a battle ensues. The new mutant hits Michaelangelo with an electric bolt – a power he was granted from the electric eel – before hitting Leonardo with the quills of a scorpion fish. He uses his tail to hurl Donatello into a wall and turns Raphael’s own sai blades against him before making his escape, swimming off into the waters of the sewers.

Our heroes pursue Ray in an underwater sequence that’s surely right up MW Dublin’s alley, as it means they don’t have to worry about mouth movements or walk cycles. The Turtles eventually find the water filled with ink (“just like a squid!”), preventing them from pursuing the indifferent mutant any further.

Vernon checks in from the news van with Burne, informing him that Donald J. Lofty is arriving in his helicopter for the opening ceremony of his new building and April is nowhere to be found. Burne is distraught, declaring that even his ulcers have ulcers.

A technical hiccup leads to April briefly being escorted out of the evolution accelerator. This provides her with an opportunity to send a distress signal to the Turtlecoms before again attempting to escape. Dr. Polidorius catches her, however, and pulls out a gun – presumably a laser weapon of some sort. He marches her back into the chamber, but the signal has now reached the Turtles, who almost instantly arrive in the lab and confront the villain. Raphael speaks for us all as he expresses his disappointment at having to battle “another mad scientist!” That’s how played out this trope has become this season: it’s a crutch that even the writers are sick of.

The Turtles demand Dr. Polidorius free April, none of them able to correctly say his name. The stand-off is interrupted by the arrival of Ray, who again zaps our heroes, knocking them into a wall. Somehow in the next shot the team are standing again, and the scientist traps them in an energy cage before activating the evolution accelerator.

Normally this is where someone would step in to get April out of trouble at the last second – perhaps one of the Turtles would hurl their weapon at a control panel and blow it up. Today, however, things play out differently, with April emerging from the machine as a half-woman, half-fish mutant. The initial reveal is handled poorly, as we barely get a glimpse of her before the show fades to black for the final commercial break.

The concluding act opens with April furious at Dr. Polidorius, who insists his changes are an improvement and that she’ll “be getting fan mail from dolphins in no time!” He goes through his plan to sink New York for a second time for the benefit of the Turtles – and for any viewers only now tuning in. Raphael finally gets around to hurling his sai at a nearby fuse box, disabling the energy cell and setting the team free.

Dr. Polidorius is able to escape via a trap door. Racing against time, the Turtles set about going through the sewers and disabling his explosives. The team learn that the last set are placed beneath the new Lofty building and use April’s new-found Sonar powers to confront Polidorius and Ray, both of whom are hunkering down in a secret hideout. They’re not fast enough to stop the detonation of the last set of explosives, however, and as Vernon and a new cameraman report on the opening of the Lofty complex, it’s seen sinking into the water.

In an unusually hands-on move, April manhandles Dr. Polidorius, knocking him against a control panel that opens the emergency floodgate controls. The Turtles head to the surface, with April dragging the scientist along for the ride. Ray witnesses all this and opts to stay behind, preferring not to be involved. On the way up, the team spot Donald J. Lofty and Vernon sinking into the water and rescue them, heading up into the building and shutting the water out.

Lofty laments that he’s “ruined” now that his condominiums are filled with water. Raphael jokingly suggests that they’d make great aquariums, an idea that the property developer is thrilled about. He commends the Turtles, declaring they’ve “done it again”. When he asks how he could repay them, the team respond that he could get them to the Unbridled Technologies building so they can make Polidorius change April back to her normal self.

Wait, THAT’S what they want, just that? The Turtles already own multiple forms of transportation - wouldn’t it have been better to ask for a share in the profits or royalties from this new venture Raphael thought up? As long as we’re asking questions, what happened to the crowd of people who were present with Lofty and Vernon at the opening? Did they somehow get to safety, or have they all drowned and we’re just going to gloss over it?

Ray is briefly seen swimming around one last time. He attempts in vain to have a conversation with some fish, asking them where he can find the nearest sea bed. None of them want anything to do with him, but he’s happy to be in a place he can call his home. (By which I mean... I dunno, just the sea in general?)

The Turtles do their standard loose ends wrap-up in the living room of the Lair. Leonardo declares that he has a feeling they’ll run into Ray again, which given the staggering number of characters introduced this season who have been immediately abandoned seems wildly optimistic. On TV, Donald J.  Lofty is shown to have converted the sunken condominiums into the Lofty Depths Aquarium - and all of this is said to have happened over the course of a single day. The now human-again April sings Lofty’s praises, calling him a “clever financier” even though she knows it was really Raphael’s idea. This is a hell of an about-face from her given that she was clearly hostile toward Lofty and his developments early in the episode.

The Turtles console themselves about not getting credit. Michaelangelo makes some half-hearted quip about how Lofty is just “a big fish in a little pond” to see us out.

This is the final appearance of Donald J. Lofty in broadcast order, and presumably was intended to be either the second or third of his three showings as he tells the Turtles they’ve “done it again” at the end. He made a similar remark indicating his prior history with the team in “Slash - The Evil Turtle from Dimension X”, so it seems “The Big Zipp Attack” was intended to air before either of these episodes.

Lofty’s presence here also suggests some heavy lifting was being done by David Wise in his capacity as one of the show’s Executive Story Editors, given that Wise was the credited writer for the character’s other appearances. The simplest explanation would be that Wise had the bones for this concept in place and assigned the script to Michael Reaves, and given the... contentious development of this adventure I can see why he might have wanted to offload it to a trusted set of hands.

Like Mona Lisa before him, Ray is the end result of the then-ongoing power struggles between Murakami Wolf Swenson and Mirage Studios. Originally MWS intended to introduce the character of Man Ray (AKA Ray Fillet), who had made his debut in the Archie Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Adventures comics in October of 1989 as a heroic ally of the Turtles. The animated version was planned to be a villain, which led to objections from his creator Ryan Brown, as well as from writer of the Archie series Stephen Murphy. This apparently stemmed in part from the prior introduction of Leatherhead, whose depiction in the TV series differed greatly from that character’s prior comic characterisation.

The replacement character we got – known simply as “Ray” - seems to have been the end result of this tug-of-war, his blasé attitude to the villainous antics of Dr. Polidorius perhaps stemming from concessions made through rewrites in unsuccessful attempts to appease Brown and Murphy. What we end up with is this fascinating quasi-antagonist, a guy who’s unique amongst TMNT characters in that he doesn’t even want to be there. Despite Leonardo’s remarks, it’s clear that any hopes on the parts of MWS that Ray would be a recurring character were quickly abandoned, and that he turned out to be more trouble than he was worth.

Dr. Polidorius is yet another worthless mad scientist villain, a concept that even the show itself is now acknowledging has been run into the ground. His design is goofy, his motives are ridiculous and no amount of lampshading will make his name any less awful. Alan Oppenheimer (Skeletor from “He-Man and the Masters of the Universe”, Seaspray from “Transformers”) does his best to elevate the material given to him here in what would sadly be the veteran voice actor’s only TMNT appearance, and inevitably, the only one for the character of Polidorius.

There’s no getting around the fact that the fourth season of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles suddenly becomes much more fun to watch once you get past the long stretch of syndicated episodes cobbled together haphazardly by MW Dublin. Now they’re back, and while this is far from their ugliest offering - “The Turtle Terminator” looked much worse – it’s clear that serious issues affected the production of this episode that presumably weren’t related to the scuffles over the Ray character. To try and patch things over using the same pre-existing piece of footage three times in the same episode is unbelievable, to then take a second old animation sequence and use it three times over as well is worse still. Even small children watching the show would surely notice Leonardo walking through the same tunnel again and again.

I really want to see the animators working on these episodes improve, and will continue to point out the moments where they actually excel – Leonardo and Raphael’s interactions here being a clear example. Let’s keep our fingers crossed that the next episode, “Rhino-man” - also handled by the Dublin team – will be a step up.

#Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles #TMNT #TMNT 1987 #Ninja Turtles #1990 #Ray Fillet #Turtlethon #Rebel Without a Fin

[vadersmoth-to-lilisflame]

Six years after the fall of the Republic, the fall of his clone brothers, and the capture of his brother. Six years, and Hunter is just now starting to get pissed enough to do something about it.

Cody and Crosshair have been in there far too long. And now that he’s working with Ahsoka and the Rebellion, now that the entire group has grown stronger, it’s time to fight back. To use all the resources necessary to attack the Empire head on.

It starts with something simple, like a protest at an Imperial rally. Something to catch the Empire’s attention- but it doesn’t work. Vader is used to people getting mouthy.

So, the Rebels turn to Imperial scout groups. Men come back injured, some of them dead. Still not much of an irritation for Vader.

Then Ahsoka had the bright idea to attack actual Imperial bases, sending groups of bombers to several different locations.

When Vader gets word that a few of his bases have been completely destroyed, everyone in them murdered by the Rebellion, he starts to get furious. He sends Cody and Crosshair on a scouting mission of their own to figure out who exactly is behind it, turning the entire living room upside down when he hears it’s his long lost padawan.

“Of course it is. Of course it would be her after all I did for her.” He rambled. And after those ramblings came several counter attacks to Rebel bases, though he didn’t do as much damage as Ahsoka had.

The final step of Hunter’s plan, months in the making, is to infiltrate the palace itself.

He can’t sit by and watch Cody and Crosshair be used as pawns in Vader’s game anymore. They’re haunted- they have to be. Haunted by what they must do day in and day out, controlled by the chip and the Sith Lord himself. It sickens him. Sickens him to his very core.

One morning, when he’s certain that every single one of you is in the palace, he launches his attack. Not only does he have his other batch members with him, but he also has Rex, Ahsoka, and a small group of Rebel fighters brave enough to help them.

Several fighter pilots also circle the palace from above, which is the first thing to set off the alarms. In response, Cody sends out the same amount of TIE fighters, confident in their abilities to eliminate the X-Wings circling.

With that distraction comes stage two of Hunter’s plan- a large explosion on the east side of the palace that rocks the building, pulling most of the forces that direction as he enters with Ahsoka through the maintenance tunnels on the West side of the building.

Crosshair and Cody just so happen to go that way, knowing very easily that could’ve been a distraction. There’s a gaping hole in the palace but that won’t matter if someone is already inside.

When they split up to go down separate hallways, Crosshair rounds a corner just in time to see Hunter leap down from the vent above.

Every muscle in his body freezes, every hair rising at the sight of his brother.

The brother who left him. The brother who looked him in his pained, desperate eyes as he fought that chip and still flew off with that wretched excuse for a child. He chose a kid, over his own brother.

“Cross,” Hunter breathes, slowly taking a step forward. “Come- come with me. It’s okay. It’s Hunter. ‘M here to take you-”

“Don’t patronize me,” Cross rasps back, nose wrinkling in disgust. “Did you finally decide I was good enough to be let back into your little group?”

Your, because it was once his too, until every last one of them abandoned him.

In the other hallway, Cody finds himself hurled into an all out brawl with the rebel group that Rex happened to lead inside the palace. Blasters are fun, but Cody prefers his fists when it comes to these bastards. Especially the bastard that wrote him off as the Empire’s little bitch, believed the excuse that he was dead and then never looked for him.

With all the Rebels already taken care of, Cody and Rex fight with all the fury they have, punching and kicking and elbowing each other harder than they ever did before.

Vader checks the security cameras, looking up at you quickly with a shake of his head. “It’s them. All of them.”

He turns his datapad to show you. “The batch is handling our soldiers at the explosion site. Cody is with Rex in hallway C3. D3, Cross and Hunter. I-”

He pauses as a lightsaber activation comes through the surveillance mics, his jaw clenching at the sight of Ahsoka now standing behind Hunter.

“She won’t let Crosshair live.” He says quietly, that familiar fury building again. “I’m sending Aurra and Jaspar over here to stay with you and the kids and I’m going to that fucking hallway.”

[madam-wakefield]

Open When Chapter 23

A03 Link 

Summary:

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13  Chapter 14  Chapter 15  Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18 Chapter 19 Chapter 20 Chapter 21 Chapter 22 When a few years into their relationship Bernie is asked to go back to the army and deploy Serena isn’t sure how she’s going to get through the nine months without her girlfriend. What she doesn’t expect is for it to be her girlfriend who has the perfect set of surprises to get her through both the best and the worst days. Canon divergent - Elinor lives (well actually the accident never happens), Raf lives, and Cameron isn’t a total ass! The staff of AAU also probably didn’t all work on there at the same time in canon but do in this! The fic is already fully written with the first few chapters having already been Beta’d. 27 chapters including the epilogue. Hoping to post every Monday and Friday!

Open if…

Serena is confused when Ric Griffin steps into her theatre scrubbed in and tells her to let him take over. There is absolutely no reason for him to be here let alone taking over her surgery.

“Why would I do that?” She questions, genuinely perplexed. “I mean I know I’ve only just started but everything is going fine, and this is definitely much more my expertise than yours.” 

“Serena,” she looks up at his tone and it’s as her eyes connect with Ric’s that she knows something isn’t right. 

“Okay,” Serena concedes unable to control the quiver in her own voice despite knowing nothing. “She’s got…”

“Don’t worry I’ve already checked her file, just go.” There is an air of urgency in Ric’s voice that she isn’t used to hearing expect when it comes to time critical emergency surgery and it does nothing to put her mind at east.  As she washes down, she closes her eyes and breathes, because this cannot be what she thinks it is. 

She instinctively knows to go to her office and as she gets closer, she can see through the blinds and there is her confirmation, stood in her office is a gentleman in uniform. Her mind starts to swirl but she needs to stay focused. She quickens her pace, needs to get into her office and find out what the news is. 

She on autopilot as she walks into the office, shutting the door behind her as the man in uniform instantly holds out his hand. “Ms Campbell I am Captain Brown; do you want to sit down before I continue?” 

She shakes her head, the “no” coming from her lips as if by its own accord, she probably should but she feels rooted to the spot, unsure if her legs would move any further even if she wanted them to.

“I’m here as you are the next of kin of Major Berenice Wolfe.” Serena winces at the name on Bernie’s behalf. “I regret to inform you that as of 7pm yesterday evening she is missing in action.” 

“I, what, I’m …” she can’t formulate words. She isn’t being told Bernie is dead, which she must admit had been her first thought when she’d seen the man, Captain Brown, in her office. But she is being told that Bernie, her partner, the love of her life, is missing in action, but she doesn’t understand. 

“There was an explosion,” Captain Brown begins as if he can read her thoughts. “At the field hospital that Major Berenice Wolfe was working within. Her body armour and ID tags were found within the location of the explosion. There was no body so currently all avenues are being explored.” Serena sways unsteadily on her feet, while miniature scenes of what might have happened to Bernie play in her mind like on a TV screen that she can’t shut off.

The silence stretches on, but in the end, she forces her voice to break through the haze, apologising to Captain Brown to the silence.  

“No need, I understand it’s natural that what I’ve told you is a shock. I’m sorry I don’t come with better news. We will of course keep you informed of any updates at the soonest possible point. I’m afraid I must leave now, I have two more of Bernie’s next of kin to inform, if you happen to know them, can I please ask you give adequate time for me to deliver the news before contacting them.”

She watches as Captain Brown leaves, and it’s as the door clicks and if finalising the conversation that the emotions come. She lets out a truly guttural sob as she instinctively sinks into Bernie’s chair, pulling her legs up to her chest, hugging her arms around herself tightly as if she’s trying to stop herself falling apart. Her Bernie is missing. She had let Bernie go on this tour because Bernie had needed closure, but while the thought had always been there at the back of her mind, she never really imagined losing Bernie. She shakes her head then because Bernie isn’t dead, or she hasn’t been told she’s dead. She’s been told she’s missing. 

It’s while these thoughts are running round her head, tears streaming down her cheeks and body racked with sobs that she feels the hand come to rest on her back. She looks up to see Morven’s eyes full of concern. 

She fights with her own brain, her own mouth trying to force the words to form. “B…b.” She shakes her head, trying to let Morven’s hand which is now rubbing small circles into her back centre her.  

She takes a deep breath before saying “Bernie’s missing in action. Explosion, they’ve found her body armour.” It’s all she can say before she is sobbing again, she doesn’t know how she’s still got tears to give. Her whole-body shakes and she feels like her world has literally turned upside down. 

Morven puts her arms round her then, pulling her to her feet before guiding them both gently into the visitors’ chairs, and she allows herself to be held by her. If anyone has any idea what this feels like it’s Morven, Serena still can’t full comprehend what it must have been like for Morven losing Arthur so soon after they’d found each other. Doesn’t ever want to be in Morven’s position.

She’s not sure how long they sit there before she goes from crying to furious. “She was due home in a little over three weeks. Three bloody weeks. Why now! I know she couldn’t ever promise to come home, but she always promised this was it, that she’d stop after this that she just needed it for closure. Why does she have to be so fucking noble? Why did I tell her she could go? If I’d have said no, she wouldn’t have gone, and she’d be okay.” Serena isn’t sure if she’s raging with herself of Bernie but the outburst helps for a split second before making her feel even worse.

“Serena stop!” Morven’s hands grab hold of her biceps, with a lot more force than Serena is used to from Morven. “You can’t blame yourself for this, Bernie wouldn’t want that!” Wants to yell that she doesn’t know what Bernie would want as she isn’t here to ask her, but knows Morven is speaking the truth. “You let her go because of how much you love her. Plus, you said it yourself she’s missing it doesn’t mean she’s dead.”

Serena battles with her own thoughts for a while. A stream of different concepts battling to be the dominant idea in her brain before all of it is overtaken by the thought of Jason. Knows that she must be the one to tell him about this before it manages to spread through the hospital. Knows only too well that the rumour mill is one of the most efficient parts of the hospital. Before once again being enraged at the idea of something so important spreading through a rumour mill at all. Serena asks Morven to send Jasmine to find him.  When he arrives five minutes later, Jason doesn’t wait for Serena to invite him inside the office or to ask him to sit down, he just does it, because he’s Jason and that’s what he does.

“Bernie’s dead, isn’t she?” She hears him ask like it’s the simplest question in the world. Like that if the answer to that question had been yes, their lives wouldn’t have shattered. But it’s Jason and Serena gets that.

“No Jason, she isn’t dead.” She’s not sure how much her own brain believes that statement right now, but Jason needs to facts. “She’s what they call missing in action.” Serena continues, “Do you get what that means?” She needs to make sure Jason understands this, understands what it all means. What the outcomes might be.

“The army can’t find her?” Jason says looking a little puzzled. “How can you just not find a person.”

Serena presses her fingers to the bridge of her nose; her own emotions are too raw for this, but she has to be the strong one for Jason. Forces herself to find the right words to explain. “It means that there was an accident of sorts, they’ve found some of Bernie’s belongings but not Bernie herself. That’s where it gets a little complicated because they aren’t sure where she went and if they’ll ever find her.

“So, we just have to wait? Bernie might be alive and might be dead and we all we can do is wait?.”

“That’s right Jason” Serena says taking his hand and squeezing it gently.

“But then who is going to watch all the episodes of world’s strongest man with me?”

“Oh Jason,” she says gently, because of course it’s something like that that upsets Jason out of all this, because that’s just who he is. That is the person that Bernie has always accepted where so many never have.

“I will!” Serena says not an ounce of doubt in her voice. It’s quiet again for a while before Jason unexpectedly breaks the silence.

“I miss her Auntie Serena” and Serena’s heart shatters all over again because for Jason to be verbalising such a thing he must be finding it extremely hard.

“I know you do Jason, I do too but we’ll get through this together.” After that Jason is determined to go back to work and finish his shift, Serena lets him do what he needs. She instead stays in the office; not sure she’s ever going to be able to face anything outside of the four walls of their office again.

Later, when she’s been left with her own thoughts for far too long and just before Raf and Fletch are about to take her and Jason home Morven slips into the office again. Serena looks up briefly before continuing to stare at the hands she’s ringing within her lap.

“Serena?” The tone is a question, so she looks up to see Morven sat in her chair.

Something ivory laid upon the desk in-front of her.

She sees Morven take a deep breath and knows she isn’t going to like what she says. “Serena, before Bernie went away, she gave me a variety of things for you and while I have loved giving you most of them this,” she says tapping the envelope “is one I hoped I’d never have to give you.”

Serena watch as the envelope is slid towards her, fingers reaching out to pick it up as soon as it’s close enough. She turns it over in her fingers and as her eyes take note of the words written on it her fists clench tighter, just loose enough not to cause damage to the envelope.

“Serena – Open if I go missing in action.” Her eyes stream with tears without her permission. These envelopes from Bernie have brought her so much joy over the months and now this.

She is quiet for a while then, Serena just letting the tears fall, what’s the point in hiding them. She’s not hiding her grief, not for anyone. “Bernie asked me to give you this if something like this ever happened,” Morven say softy. “But she also told me to tell you, to only open it when you feel ready.” Serena wants to remark it’s a stupid thing to say. Wants to argue that of course she’s ready because this is a letter written by her lover, but it’s exactly the reason she isn’t ready.

Raf and Fletch take her and Jason home after that, Raf driving Serena’s car and Fletch following along behind in his own so that Raf can get home once they’ve dropped them off. Once they’re back Raf and Fletch check they’re going to be okay, to which Serena assures them they are, even if the words sound false to her own ears. How can she ever be okay again?

She keeps her promise to Jason and watches the world’s strongest man with him, but she can’t help but notice he doesn’t delete it off the sky box like he normally would but instead leaves it there. His own little sign of hope that Bernie will one day return home despite the circumstances.

It’s only once Jason is fast asleep that Serena allows herself what she needs. She sits herself in bed, wine bottles on her nightstand, very full wine glass in hand, she pulls her legs up so that as she brings Bernie’s pillow to rest on top of her knees, she can feel the woman surround her with every breath. It’s only then that she removes the picture of Bernie from her nightstand, placing it on top of the pillow. Bringing her thumb to the glass to stroke at Bernie’s face. It’s then that the tears come for the first time since she stepped foot in the house. She doesn’t really make a sound per say, but the tears come and come and don’t seem to stop.

“Where are you Bernie,” she says, long swigs of wine between each word, tears dripping on to the glass of the frame. She doesn’t say anything for a while, drains 3 glasses of wine far too quickly before uncorking a new bottle and filling her wine glass to the rim again.

“If you could see me now,” she says looking at Bernie’s picture. “God knows what could be happening to you.” Her tears quicken again at the thought, and she feels like someone is literally squeezing her chest tight. “Yet here I am drinking myself into an oblivion for the night, so I don’t have to think. Don’t have to miss you.” She knocks back half of the glass then because she maybe several things, but she isn’t a lightweight and one bottle isn’t going to make her forget.

“I know you we never able to promise me you’d come home, that always went unsaid between us because we knew it wasn’t a promise you could be sure to keep. But I always wanted you to stay safe. My brave fearless soldier. I’m not sure if I can do this without you Bernie. I’d never been so sure about anything until I met you. You turned my life upside down, ran and then came back and since that moment I’ve never been so sure that I wanted to spend my entire life with you.” She does it again then, finishes the half a glass of wine, quickly pouring herself another full glass.

“Look at me, like this when you could be anywhere. You could be alive right?” She has to say that to keep the tiniest spark of hope alive. “You could be injured or captured, or god only knows what.” The thought is enough to make her down the entire wine glass and pick up the bottle, she needs to forget. I know you can’t hear me, you’re 3000 miles away after all, but if you have any say, any say at all please stay brave soldier. She moves herself to lie down, head now buzzing from the speed in which she just finished two bottles of wine. She hugs Bernie’s pillow close, laying the photo back on her nightstand to keep it safe, rubbing her fingers along Bernie’s face once more. “Please find a way to come home.”

When she wakes the next morning, the sunlight is streaming through the window and her head hurts. It takes her a second to remember why because she’s meant to be at work today, but then it hits her, and it feels like she’s been doused in icy water. Her Bernie, her brave, amazing courageous Bernie is missing in action, and she doesn’t know if she’ll ever get to see her again. She thinks for a second that maybe it’s a dream, but she looks over to her nightstand, and there it is the letter she isn’t yet ready to open. “Serena – Open if I go missing in action”.

When she’s managed to force herself out of bed and drank two strong cups of coffee she rings Alan, asks if he will have Jason stay so she can have a couple of days to herself. Explains briefly what’s happened, admits that she isn’t coping, and that Jason needs someone who he can lean on right now and that she can’t even be that person for herself let alone Jason. If anyone was to ask her what she does over the next few days she wouldn’t be able to answer she isn’t even sure. She walks around as if she’s a zombie. Emotions going from anger to sadness to fear as if she’s on some sort of out of control merry go round that she just can’t get off. The third morning after she received the news about Bernie, she runs to the bathroom to empty the contents of her stomach into the toilet. She should probably regret drinking herself into oblivion every night but without it she just she can’t sleep.

She opens the medicine cabinet looking for some painkillers and her fingers fall upon the little survival kit Bernie had brought her after her suspension. She bursts into tears again then because how far they’ve come since that moment, her hating on Bernie for babysitting her, yet all Bernie had really been doing was looking out for her. Isn’t that always what Bernie does for her, both during the times she was here with Serena and for the past nine months while she been away. It’s now she thinks that maybe Bernie would still want that for her, even if she isn’t there to do it herself. She takes the painkillers, brushing her teeth before climbing into the shower for the first time in four days.

She gets dressed and actually eats breakfast. She cleans the kitchen and the living room, it’s slowly starting to smell like a brewery. Only once the house is back to her exacting standard does she return to her bedroom, taking Bernie’s letter gently in hand.

She decides to walk to the park, she isn’t exactly in a fit state to drive. Once she arrives, she sits on the bench, the one her and Bernie usually occupy when they come here, the trees are in full bloom, the pink blossom reminding her of Bernie’s stupid pink coat. She removes Bernie’s letter from her bag, and takes her time to trace over her name, the name that Bernie had written there nine months ago or more.

She turns the envelope over and allows herself to gently prise it open. She slips the letter out taking a deep breath before unfolding it.

My Dearest Serena,

I am so sorry you are having to read this letter. It is one of those letters I knew I had to write but never wanted you to read. I’m missing in action, something we always knew was a risk but didn’t ever voice. I don’t know how much you know, how much anyone knows about my situation and for that I’m sorry.

What I need you to know more than anything though is that I love you, undeniably and without waiver. You are the love of my life and the joy you’ve brought me the past three years is more than I ever thought I deserved.

I can’t sit here and write that I promise to come back to you I never have been able to. But what I can promise you is that if I have any say in it whatsoever, I will be doing everything in my power to get back to you. You always tell me how brave I am for having done what I have, but now it’s your turn. It’s your turn to be brave, for me, for Jason, for yourself!

I need you to keep going, I’m not saying that will be easy. But I need you to do it for me because I love you Serena so much, and all I’ve ever wanted is for you to be happy, healthy, and loved. I know you’ll be sad, that’s only natural but I need you to work towards a place where you are okay. Where you don’t blame yourself for any of this, like I know you will at least to start with. I also know Jason will need you now more than ever, and you can’t help him if you aren’t looking after yourself.

Keep my trauma unit going for me, working on AAU with you and having the trauma unit is the only thing outside being an army medic that ever felt right. I’ll never forgot how proud of me you were the day that trauma unit opened. Let it be a legacy, save those people who shouldn’t be able to be saved, be brave in ways other surgeons are too scared to be. Keep that little piece of me there with you always.

Most all Serena please never stop hoping, it’s one of the things I love about you, how hopeful you are. Don’t let anything stop that hope. I know I’ve written it already but please, please remember that I love you with every ounce of my being.

All My Love Bernie,

Your Big Macho Army Medic x

It takes her longer to read than it normally would a letter of that length. She’s not sure how many times she stops. Tears never drying on her cheeks. But she did need it. Needed to know what Bernie wrote for her and wants for her. And she is going to be brave for Jason, for herself and most importantly for Bernie.

She’s doesn’t rush, sits on the bench for a few hours, lingers, just allows her mind to settle. It’s doesn’t stop her worry, but it gives her time to organise her thoughts. Work out what she needs to do now. What she needs to do to help Jason and herself get through this limbo, and that’s what she’s decided it is an unknown limbo. She doesn’t know how long it’s going to last or when it’s going to end but she knows she got to keep battling through. Be brave just like her Bernie is.

She takes her phone out of her pocket, smiling at the picture of her and Bernie on her phone screen that hasn’t filled her with joy in this way for the past four days. Hanssen pushes back at first when she tells him she wants to come back into work in two days time. But she asks him to trust her, explains that right now this is what she needs. Bernie left the trauma unit in her and Raf’s capable hands and she’ll be damned if she isn’t going to keep it running like a well-oiled machine for her. 

Jason comes home the day in between her opening the letter and going back to work. He asks if she’s okay, and while she can’t say she is she does tell him that she needs to be strong for all of them. They spend the evening together eating fish and chips and watching Dr Who reruns. Not a single drop of Shiraz passes her lips, she’s sure she’s drank enough in the past few days to kill her liver off for a month or two. Sleep doesn’t come easily, and she has nightmares of Bernie suffering, nothing specific she can exactly recall in the morning just enough that she isn’t as well rested as she should be for having tried to get a full ten hours sleep. 

She walks onto AAU at 7am precisely, a strong hot coffee in hand. She can instantly see and feel the pitying looks. They remind her of the ones she got when her mum was ill. But she doesn’t want them. What they have here is something her and Bernie built together and she’s going to cherish that whatever the outcome of this limbo. She calls Morven into the office a little later after the ward round, when she feels every single pair of staff eyes on her at least one. 

“You, okay?” Morven questions, and Serena gets it, she was in a very different way sat in this office not even a week ago.  

“Yes, however can you please get the word out that Ms Campbell does not need all the pitying eyes and whispers. She’s here to do her job, run the department and keep Bernie’s trauma unit running like clockwork”. 

The message must get around quickly because next time she leaves the office her staff actually talk to her, ask for her opinion on their patients annoy her just a little by letting their own personal conversations at the nurses’ station go on just a little bit too long.

When the red phone rings Raf just looks at her, she nods confirming that she’ll take the lead, gets him to accompany her though. The surgery is easy enough thankfully, an emergency spleen removal that she could almost perform in her sleep. She knows she’s going to see Cameron at hand over but doesn’t expect him to turn up on the ward fifteen minutes early. She’d not sure which of them initiates the hug but it happens easily.

“Mum’s tough. She’ll be okay you know.” Cameron reassures her while they are still hugging.

“Yes, she will.” Doesn’t know if she gives her response to try and convince herself or Cameron but they both smile as they pull back from the hug.

She goes home that evening knowing she’d made a difference at work and that night she finds it just a little bit easier to fall asleep. It doesn’t stop her wondering where Bernie is and if she’s okay, but it does make it just that little bit easier. After all its thanks to Bernie that they have a trauma unit and she’s going to look after it for as long as it takes.

She keeps herself busy with the same routine, refusing to take a day off. She works long day shifts, it keeps her mind busy, means she doesn’t have the same amount of time to worry. Ric comes to see her a few days after her return. Questions whether she’s doing the right thing working, tells her maybe it would be healthier to take some time off. But she explains to him that right now this is right; she isn’t grieving because she doesn’t need to because Bernie isn’t as far as anyone knows dead. She isn’t going to act like she is. She explains to him that she’s doing exactly what Bernie would want her to do. Carry on with her days, saving patients, performing operations, all the things that come with ease. That the not having time to think isn’t a bad thing, it means she can keep her fears under control. It’s not that she doesn’t think about Bernie, doesn’t worry about her, but she tries to limit it to a healthy amount in the comfort of her own home when she wakes in the morning and when she goes to bed at night. 

The first patient she loses, during this limbo is hard. She’s been back at work three days, a week and a half since Bernie went missing. She knows right now she can’t be the one to inform the family. That really is a little too close to home. She asks Raf to do it, knows in time she’ll come to be able to do it herself, but at this point, and this point in her limbo she needs to lean on those around her too and she’ll do that for as long as her limbo lasts.

#Open When #Madam Wakefield Writes #Berena #Bernie Wolfe #Serena Campbell #Holby #Holby City #Buckle Fandom #Holby Fanfic #Holby City Fanfic

[syllvane]

home- yelena belova x reader

a/n: wrote this whole thing in about an hour, black widow spoilers obviously!

Yelena doesn’t know what home means.

For a time, it meant Ohio, a life with her sister and her parents. It meant playgrounds and mac n cheese and American Pie.

For much longer, it was blades and guns and a ledger soaked with red.

Now, it was you. It was taking her coffee the exact way you took it so that you could reach over and take a sip of her mug when you didn’t think she was looking. It was the way you woke up every time she woke up from a nightmare, always being there to reassure her that she was still in control, that the Red Room was gone. It was the little sticky notes the two of you left around the apartment, the little reminders of your love.

It was home, at least until you had woken up one day to a pile of dust next to you instead of your girlfriend.

You didn’t know what it had meant- why would you have? You thought maybe that she had accidentally burned breakfast maybe or that there was a hole in your ceiling. You thought of everything except what had actually had happened.

The apartment changes slowly, as you and the world around you realize that this is permanent. That this is a nightmare you won’t wake up from.

You can’t even remember the last words the two of you said to each other- ‘I love you’, probably, or maybe discussing the next day, time you didn’t realize the two of you didn’t have.

You reach out to Natasha and when you tell her, you see your own grief mirrored on her face- in her defense though, she doesn’t start bawling as you had.

Her grief is stoic and stray tears. Yours is sobbing and nightmares, waking up and reaching over to the other side of the bed for someone who isn’t there.

You don’t think you’ll ever get the feeling of her ashes off of your fingers.

Five years pass slowly, dragging you and everyone else who was desperately clinging to the past along with it.

You help dissolve what is left of the Black Widow agents, giving them the freedom that Yelena had always longed to give them.

You vow that Yelena’s mission won’t die with her.

You’re making dinner when you hear footsteps coming from your bedroom.

You grab the gun that Yelena always kept behind the pots, turning around and pointing only to see the woman herself standing there, taking in everything.

She faltered for a second before smiling.

“Is it a crime to oversleep now?” Yelena asked, her eyes never leaving yours.

She looks exactly like you remember her.

“You can’t be real.”

“If that’s the start of some cheesy pick-up line, I am going to walk out of that door,” She said, although there was no real threat behind the words. You set the gun down.

She could be a stray Widow, luring you into comfort before ultimately killing you.

At that moment though, you don’t really care.

It’s been five long years and you are tired and so you run over to where she is standing and you hug her tightly as if she will simply disappear through your hands again.

“Woah! What’s the occasion? Is it our anniversary or something, is that why you were holding the gun?” She asked and you didn’t respond.

“It’s you,” You said, tucking your face into her shoulder. “You’re back.”

Yelena pulled a face, not that you saw.

“Back? Where did I go?”

That was genuine confusion in her voice- she had no idea that she and half of the Earth’s population had disappeared for five years.

“Just don’t go there again, please. Just don’t go where I can’t follow.”

She doesn’t say anything- she doesn’t fully understand why you’re sobbing into her neck, but that doesn’t matter right now.

There will be plenty of time to talk about it afterwards but for now, she does one of the things she’s always been best at and she just holds you.

The excitement of Yelena returning is overshadowed a few days later by the news of Natasha’s death.

“We won’t… we won’t even have a body to bury,” Yelena said, her eyes welling up with tears as you held her, and you are reminded of your own grief in the first couple days after she had disappeared.

This time though, you do not cry.

You wanted to- Natasha had become one of your closest friends in the five years that you had lost Yelena. Your loss bound the two of you together in ways you hadn’t thought possible.

You wanted to and you do not because this is Yelena’s grief first and foremost and it is yours second.

You will not cry in front of a woman who has just lost her sister. Instead, you will hold her close and you will tell her stories of her sister from the past five years, five years that you had refused to speak about.

“She loved you so much, Yelena. She wasn’t the best at showing it, but she loved you so much.”

“Then why didn’t she stay?” Yelena asked, her voice breaking as she started crying again.

You didn’t answer, mostly because you didn’t have a good reason.

Clint Barton had told you over the phone that one of their lives had to be sacrificed and that Natasha gave her life so that he could return to his family.

That was all perfectly well and nice, but you wanted to scream at him: What about us? What about Yelena? What about Melina, Alexei? What about her family?

You didn’t though. He would have to live with her death for the rest of his life, knowing that he was only alive because she wasn’t. Maybe that would have to be enough.

“Cause she’s a hero. I don’t know. I know it’s selfish, but I need you to promise me something. Promise me that if the world needs saving and it’s your life on the line, you’ll turn around and come home to me,” You said, running your hands through her hair. “The world can burn for all I care. I just need you safe.”

“I promise. No going where you can’t follow,” She replied, repeating your words from the first night that she had returned.

There is no body to bury but there is still a funeral, still a gravestone to visit.

“I don’t want to go alone,” Yelena said, straightening the hem of her shirt in the mirror.

“You won’t be,” You promised her and she took your hand and the two of you drove to the cemetery.

Her grave was recognizable- it was covered with flowers and stuffed bears and candles.

She was renowned by so many and grieved by many more, though none as much as the two of you.

Yelena doesn’t know how to approach it- she froze when she saw it, rooted to the ground.

“I don’t think I can do this,” She said, her voice barely a whisper. “Not yet.”

“Okay. We can stay as long as you want.”

She grabbed your hand and you held on tightly.

“Don’t leave me.”

“Never.”

The two of you look at the other gravestones for about an hour before Yelena finally garners up the courage to go to Natasha’s.

She kneeled, setting the flowers down gently among the others. She seemed to freeze for another moment before her fingers began tracing a word on the gravestone: ‘sister’.

Her hand clapped over her mouth and she leaned back.

You sat next to her as she started crying again, your hand finding hers again.

Yelena didn’t know what home meant for the longest time- it was deception and Russian taught in secret and filling scrapbooks with memories manufactured in one day.

It was scalpels and guns and dead bodies and broken bones and targets. It was sniper rifles and explosives.

It was sitting at her sister's gravestone with your hand in hers, sitting with her until dusk, crying. It was waking up to your nightmares, you holding her tightly until you stopped crying, realizing that she was still here.

It was Natasha’s red hair and her fighting poses and it was your smile and laugh.

It was grief and love, it was her sister and it was you.

#yelena belova x you #yelena belova #yelena belova x reader #yelena x reader #yelena x y/n #yelena x you #natasha romanoff #natasha romanov #black widow #black widow movie #black widow spoilers #marvel #marvel x reader #marvel x you #marvel imagines #marvel imagine #MCU #mcu x reader #mcu imagine #mcu imagines

[allyouneedisbuck]

adore you

summary // bucky and alpine enjoy their solitude, but the girl across the hall is slowly creeping into their hearts. (bucky x fem!reader)

words // 7.4k

warnings // diverges from canon & no major spoilers.

notes // just thousands of words of fluff bc that’s all i know how to write. maybe one day i’ll venture into anything else. fluffy bucky has my heart 

reblogs & replies are greatly appreciated!

》* 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ • 。* 。° 。* 。 • ˚《

The first time you knock on Bucky’s door Alpine wanders over curiously.

Bucky stares at the door silently urging you to go away. You knock again and Alpine begins to paw at the door before meowing loudly, which makes Bucky groan. “I’m coming.” He calls as he stands from the couch. He pauses the movie playing on his television, something ridiculous that Sam had insisted on. Alpine meows again and Bucky can hear you laugh through the door. 

He pulls on a hoodie that’s laying on his counter and stuffs his left hand into the front pocket. When he pulls the door open you smile brightly. “James!” 

The two of you had met briefly when Bucky had originally moved into the building. You had smiled the same bright smile in the elevator and offered up your name easily. Bucky had smiled tightly in return and told you his full name, a habit he had yet to break, and he deeply regretted it. Every time you passed in the hallway you called out a cheery James despite Bucky’s corrections. 

“It’s Bucky.” He mutters. Your eyes move over his shoulder and Bucky watches as you take in his very undecorated and barely furnished apartment. Bucky didn’t mind how seemingly empty his place was. He wasn’t home a lot and nobody but Sam spent time with him. Sam might think it was time to add barstools and a spice rack, but Bucky was content with how things were. 

Your attention is pulled to Alpine as he peeks out from behind Bucky’s legs. “And who are you?” You ask quietly as you squat down to meet his eyes. You hold a cautious hand out and Alpine only stares. You wait for a moment before he turns and moves back into the apartment. 

You don’t seem to take it to heart though. You laugh as you stand up. “He takes after his dad, huh.” There’s a teasing glint in your eyes and Bucky should be offended but the comment actually makes him smirk. 

“His name is Alpine.” Bucky says monotone as he watches you rock back and forth on your feet. “Did you need something?” 

“Oh!” Your eyes light up as if you had completely forgotten your reason for coming here in the first place. “I need salt! Do you have any?” Your eyes move behind him again as if you’re now suddenly worried the answer won’t be yes. 

“I have salt, yes.” He doesn’t move from his spot and only stares down at you. Your eyes flicker around the hallway before you smile nervously. “Can I have some?” You ask quietly. 

Bucky nods and makes his way into his kitchen. He expects you to stay and wait in the doorway, but he hears the door shut behind you.

“Didn’t want him to get out.” You say as you lean against his counter. Bucky’s a little put off by your brazen personality, but you don’t seem to notice his discomfort. “How long have you lived in DC?” You ask as Bucky moves to pull the salt out. 

“How much do you need?” He asks instead of answering. 

“Not much! A couple teaspoons.” Bucky’s stoic attitude doesn’t seem to deter you at all. He glances around the bare kitchen before deciding to just give you the shaker. 

“I don’t have anything to put it in, just make sure to return it eventually.” He shrugs as he slides it over to you. You grasp it in your hand but make no effort to move. Bucky sighs. “And I’ve lived here for a couple years now. I… I moved here after the Blip.” 

He wonders briefly if you know who he is. He’s not sure what happened in the years of the blip, if his name had been marked on one of those memorials. That had been before his pardon, so he assumes not. He wonders if Steve’s exhibit had been changed. He hadn’t been back since before the blip. Was he still in it? Had they changed it or was Bucky Barnes still dead in America’s eyes? His eyes find yours and then he wonders if you did know who he was, were you worried? 

You seemed fine around him. He hadn’t seen any recognition on your face when he had introduced himself all those months ago. A frown tugs at your lips. “Were you…” You trail off but Bucky knows the question. 

Bucky nods tightly and you take a step away and move towards his door, like you know he’s reached the limit on sharing personal details for the night. “Me too.” You finally say when your hand lands on his door knob. You pause. “It’s weird. Right? Coming back to a completely different world?”’

“Yeah.”  He nods. You have no idea, he thinks. He had just begun to figure out how to live free again and then he was gone. And when he came back, he was thrust into battle then lost Steve to a world Bucky was no longer a part of. “It’s weird.” 

You smile apologetically. “Thank you for the salt, James.” You say quietly. His eyes flash to yours but your face doesn’t give much away. 

He nods and the door slams shut. Alpine comes trotting out and rubs against Bucky’s shins. “Yeah, she’s weird.” Bucky reaches down to softly pet Alpine’s back. “Pretty though, huh?” 

Alpine pushes against his hand and Bucky takes that as agreement enough. 

//

Bucky liked helping Sam down at the VA. Handing things out, setting things up, and talking with veterans gave Bucky a sense of something. It gave him something to do when Sam and him weren’t away on missions. 

And he got to spend time with Sam. While it was something he would never admit to the man, he enjoyed his company. Sam had slowly become Bucky’s best friend. Not that Bucky really had any other close friends. 

“Thanks for helping out today.” Sam smiles as Bucky leads him through the hallway towards his apartment. “But you know, you can just come for a meeting. To talk.” 

Bucky nods. He did know that, really. But Bucky was okay with listening for now. Maybe one day he would share some of his story, but helping out now was helping him. 

Bucky stops short in the hall when he notices something sitting outside his door. He throws an arm out that Sam slams into. “Jesus, what…” He trails off when he notices what Bucky had seen. 

There’s a small brown box sitting on the ground. “Stay here.” He murmurs as he begins to move towards the object. Sam gives Bucky a look before following behind him. “Or not.” He glares. Both men kneel down in front of the box. There’s not much that gives anything about what’s in the box away, just his name written in fancy script. 

He reaches a hand out to touch it when the sound of your door opening makes him second guess and pull away. You were a little weird, but he didn’t want to blow you up. 

“James!” Him and Sam look over at you as you lock your door. You’ve got a red apron wrapped around your waist and your bag is slipping off your shoulder. Before Bucky can say anything like be careful, you furrow your brows at the men. “What are you doing? Do you not like cookies?” 

“Cookies?” Bucky asks as he glances down at the box again. Sam has already stood up and straightened out, but he’s still kneeling in front of the door. He can hear Alpine pawing at it, no doubt having heard Bucky’s voice, and he feels a little ridiculous now. “It’s Bucky.” He adds on now that he knows it’s not an explosive sitting in front of him. 

You nod slowly with a confused smile on your face. “Cookies. I made a bunch so I packed up the extra for you. When I knocked nobody answered so I left them, I wasn’t sure if I’d be home when you got back.” 

Bucky feels heat rise to his cheeks. He hastily picks the box up and stands. Sam laughs loudly and Bucky glances at him coldly. “Thanks.” He says quietly. 

You rock back and forth on your feet again. Must be a nervous habit, Bucky thinks. “I also made some cat treats. For Alpine.” Bucky recognizes the nervous tone in your voice as you stare at the box in his hands. “Thank you. For the help.” You say before spinning on your heel. You freeze and turn again, this time your eyes land on Sam. “Nice to meet you, Captain America, sir.” You look like you’re thinking of throwing your hand up in salute, but instead you turn again and rush down the hall. 

Bucky just stares after you until a muffled meow breaks his focus. He shakes his head before shoving the box into Sam’s hands and moving to unlock the door. “So.” Sam says with a poorly contained smirk as he follows Bucky inside. “She seems nice, James.” 

Bucky groans before snatching the box from his hands. “She knows I go by Bucky, she just calls me that to mess with me… I think.”

“And she knows Alpine?” Sam kneels down to pet said cat, but he jumps away and hides behind Bucky’s legs. “Come on, Al. We’ve known each other since you were adopted.” Sam stands up and rolls his eyes at Bucky. 

Bucky laughs softly at the cat. “She asked to borrow salt last night and kind of met him. Alpine didn’t really stick around to hang out with her.” He begins to open the box and notices a small note taped to the inside of the lid. 

He pulls it off hesitantly. “What’s her name?” Sam leans against the counter and pulls a cookie out of the box.

“Y/N.” He says quietly as his eyes skim over the note. 

James, 

Thank you for the salt. And the conversation. I hope you enjoy the cookies. I made some simple tuna treats for Alpine. 

Step One in getting your cat to love me. 

Bucky lays the note on his counter and looks into the box. His shaker is standing in the corner next to a small plate of cookies and a jar of what he assumes are the cat treats. Sam laughs and Bucky glances up to see him reading over the note. “Hey!” Bucky yanks it out of his hand and shoves it into one of the drawers in front of him. 

“Getting Alpine and you to love her, she means.” He laughs again and Bucky rolls his eyes. “That’s cute. I didn’t know you had a little flirtationship going on.” 

Bucky scoffs. “I don’t… What does that even mean? Did you see us in the hall? I don’t flirt with her.” 

Sam reaches for another cookie. “Really? Just felt like that’s how you would flirt. And you blushed so…” He trails off with a smirk. 

“I wasn’t blushing!” Bucky says defensively. He didn’t blush just because a pretty girl gave him cookies. He wasn’t in middle school. When Sam reaches for another cookie, Bucky yanks the box away. “Are you gonna order dinner or stand here and eat all of my cookies?” 

Sam throws his hands up in mock surrender and pulls out his cell phone. “Hey. No need to get defensive. Maybe it was just hot in the hallway.” He moves into the living room and flings himself onto the small couch. 

Bucky scoffs and looks down at Alpine, who has made himself comfortable at Bucky’s feet. “I wasn’t blushing.” He says quietly to the cat. Alpine just blinks. Bucky pulls a treat out of the small jar and holds it out to him. “You know I wasn’t blushing.” 

//

The next time Bucky sees you, it’s him at your door. He’s got a clean plate in his hand and is decidedly not nervous as he waits for you to answer. 

He lifts his hand to knock again when the door swings open. You’re standing in nothing but a sweatshirt and shorts that barely peek out from beneath it. Bucky swallows and forces his eyes up from your legs to your face. 

He gives you an apologetic smile when he sees your raised brows. “James.” You smile kindly as you lean against your door frame. “What can I do for you?” 

“Bucky.” He says automatically. He holds the plate out and notices your eyes catch on his gloved hands. “Figured you might want this back. I washed it.” 

You take the plate from his hands. “Thank you.” Bucky doesn’t move from his spot in the hallway. He’s not really sure why because he’s done what he needed to do. He just wanted to enjoy your presence, he assumes. You had begun to grow on him and your cookies were really good. Or maybe he had always kind of liked you. 

“Do you want to come in?” You ask. There’s an inviting smile on your face and he almost says yes. He wants to say yes. But he didn’t want to leave Alpine alone, he had already been gone for most of the day. 

Bucky gives you an apologetic smile. “I would… But I don’t want to leave Alpine alone.” You nod with a soft smile and Bucky watches for a moment before taking a step back.

“I’ll just…” He points over shoulder at his door. He turns and starts the short walk to his door. 

You laugh quietly. “Have a good night, James.” 

“Bucky.” He corrects. He takes a deep breath and turns to face you again. You’re still standing in your doorway watching him amused. “Do you want to… You can come to mine instead?” 

Your small smile transforms into something bright and excited as you nod. “That would be great. Let me grab my keys.” You hold a finger up and disappear into your apartment. 

As soon as you're out of sight Bucky slumps against the wall. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He thinks. His living room is bare except for the small, shitty couch Sam had persuaded him into buying. That and a lamp on an Ikea side table and his television. 

He imagined your living room was much homier. Probably decorated to fit your aesthetic and cozy. What would you think of his place? What did you think? You couldn’t mind it too much if you agreed to come, right? 

His nervous train of thought is disrupted when he hears your door slam shut. Bucky watches as you lock your door quickly. “Lead the way!” You look at Bucky with teasing eyes. 

Bucky smiles hesitantly as he turns towards his own door. When he opens it, he finds Alpine laying on the back of the couch and he stares confused at Bucky and the new addition to the apartment. 

“You remember Alpine.” Bucky says with a small smile as he beckons you further into the apartment. “It’s not much-“

“-It’s nice.” You cut him off. You’ve got a genuine smile on your face and Bucky begins to wonder why he had ever been nervous. You’d always been kind, he couldn’t imagine you having anything rude to say. “Hi, Alpine.” You say quietly as you step cautiously towards the couch. 

Bucky watches as Alpine looks up at you equally as cautious. “Nice to see you again. I hope you like the treats.” At the word, Alpine perks up and looks at you intrigued. 

Bucky quietly pulls a couple treats out of the jar. He moves as subtly as he can in order to avoid shifting Alpine’s attention. “Here.” He slips a treat into your hand. “See if he comes to you.”

You hold the treat out in front of you and Alpine sniffs the air. You don’t say anything, like you know trying to coax the cat to you might spook him. Alpine seems to appreciate it and moves towards you slowly. He snatches the treat from your hand before dashing away. He disappears down the hallways, but you don’t seem to care because you spin around to face Bucky with a happy smile. 

“Did you see that?” You laugh. Bucky swallows and nods. Briefly he thinks you have a beautiful smile before shaking the thought off. You take a seat on his couch and pull your legs up underneath you. “I’ll be his favorite in no time.”  

Bucky snorts. “I’m sure.” He says sarcastically. He sits next to you on the couch and moves to hand the remote to you. He lets a small smile be directed at you as he watches you make yourself comfortable in his home. It’s not much, but you seem to fit right in. 

When your eyes land on his gloved hands again, he thinks you’re gonna ask for a reasoning behind them. He’d have to come up with a poor excuse, not wanting to share the truth yet. But your eyes move from his hands to his face and you take the remote with a smirk. “You ever seen Legally Blonde?”

And, well. That’s that. 

//

The next time you and Bucky see each other, it’s in passing. He’s going out as you’re coming in. There’s a grease stain on your shirt and your red apron is barely stuffed into your purse.

Bucky hesitates for a moment. “Hey.” He says quietly. You spin around and slam backwards into your door. “Fuck. I didn’t mean to scare you, I’m sorry.” He takes a cautious step towards you. His eyes trail over your face, your eyes are red and he can tell how exhausted you are. 

“It’s okay.” You say quietly. You take a few calming breaths. “I was in my head. It was a rough night.” 

Bucky leans against the wall next to you. “Wanna talk about it?” He’s grown so used to you just stopping to chat that this tense silence feels wrong. Normally he wouldn’t even have to prompt you, he would listen as you just launch into a story easily.

You trail your eyes over his outfit. “You look like you’re headed out.”

Bucky shrugs and doesn’t move from his spot. “Just a recap then. I have time.” He’s not sure what’s inspired him to do this. But he thinks it has something to do with this newfound fondness to your bright personality. He wants it back. 

You take a deep breath and nod. “Come in for a glass of water? Then I’ll let you go.” 

Bucky sighs in relief. “Sounds perfect.” He follows you into the apartment. It’s different from his. Bright, like you. You’ve got posters hanging neatly on the wall your tv is against. Plants sitting by your window. A large couch and soft rug. “Nice place.” He comments as he moves to sit on one of your barstools.

You laugh softly. “Thanks.” You drop your purse onto the counter and turn to pull two glasses out of the cupboard. “Where are you headed? If you don’t mind me asking.” 

Bucky glances at the time on your stove. “Oh… I help my friend out with meetings at the VA. I was headed to help him set up.” 

You slide a glass of water towards him. “You’re a vet?” He takes it with an appreciative smile. “I didn’t…” You shake your head. “Thank you.” 

Bucky shakes his head. “I’m not…” He trails off unsure of how to explain his status to you. Did you really not know who he was? “Tonight's topic is you.”

You roll your eyes and lean back against the counter. “Have you ever just had a bad day? Where nothing seems to go right?” Bucky nods and you sigh. “My master’s thesis, I’ve been working on it for months, I got back my draft today from my advisor and he tore it apart. Had a good cry about that. Got called in early to work, I need the money so I said yes. The diner was busy and we were short staffed. To top it off, my last customer of the night was a douche. He hit on me all night. When I told him no to getting my phone number, he threatened to take my tip away.” You laugh bitterly as Bucky sits in silence, listening intently. “And then when I walked away, he tried to grab me. So… Stellar night over all.” 

“Want me to kill him?” The words are out of Bucky’s mouth before he can think. He couldn’t imagine being forced to be nice to somebody who was just harassing him all night. In fact, he knows he wouldn’t be. And he knows you certainly didn’t deserve treatment like that. 

You let out a shocked laugh that turns into a full blown laughing fit. Bucky lets out an awkward chuckle as he watches you shake. 

“That’s…” You trail off and Bucky notices tears gathering in your eyes. “That’s really sweet.” You say wetly. 

“Hey.” Bucky stands up and takes a step towards you. He pauses, unsure of what to do, but when you start to shake again, this time with tears, his decision is made. “Hey. You’re okay.” 

He pulls you into him and you come easily. You wrap your arms tightly around his waist and rest your head against his chest as you let it out. 

Bucky rubs your back and tries his best to calm his rapidly beating heart. He hopes you can’t hear it because he’s sure it would break any kind of aura of nonchalance he had created. 

He glances at the time again. He really has to go. The meeting was starting soon and he’s sure Sam is worried about where Bucky is. He pulls back slowly, not wanting to let go. 

You look at him with sad eyes. “I’m so sorry. I have to go.” You nod dejectedly and take a step back. You don’t go too far, both of your hands still clinging to his jacket. “Can you watch Alpine?” He rushes the words out and he knows there’s a light blush rising to his cheeks. He just wants to make you feel better and he really does hate leaving his cat alone. 

You furrow your brows. “What?” 

“I mean.” He takes a hurried step back suddenly aware of you still wrapped in his arms. “I hate leaving him alone. And… You look like you could use some furry company.” 

A slow smile spreads across your face. “Are you saying your cat likes me?”

“No.” Bucky laughs. “But you are the only other person he doesn’t completely hate.” 

“I would love to watch Alpine.” You take a few rushed steps out of your kitchen. “I’ll change and head over.” 

Bucky lets out a relieved breath and nods. “Good. Cool. I mean-“ He shakes his head. “-my spare key is on top of my door. You don’t have to do anything but hang out with him. Don’t expect cuddles though, I’m not sure you’re on that level yet. Don’t give him too many treats.” 

You’re nodding like his instructions are even the smallest bit important. “I have to go.” Bucky says ago and takes another step towards the door. “I’ll see you later.” 

You nod and take off down your hall. Bucky lingers by your door for a moment.

“Wait!” You yell and come rushing out again. Bucky freezes and turns to look at you. “Thank you…James.” You smile brightly before spinning around again and disappearing. 

Bucky smiles to himself as he leaves. The bright was back. 

//

When Bucky gets home he’s more nervous than when he left. His palm is sweaty and all that’s on his mind is Sam’s constant teasing. 

Bucky didn’t have a crush. He just… Liked having you around. That didn’t mean he wanted to date you. Maybe he did think you were pretty. And sure when you had let him hug you earlier it had made his heart race. 

But it wasn’t a crush. Bucky was too old to have a crush. He takes a deep breath before opening his door. He can hear a movie playing softly before he even looks up. 

“Hey.” You say quietly from where you’re laying on his couch. You sit up hastily with an embarrassed smile. Alpine is laying on the chair across from you. “We’re friends!” You point to the sleeping cat. 

Bucky nods. “He actually stayed in the same room as you all night?” He asks doubtfully. 

You frown, but there’s a mischievous sparkle in your eyes. “Maybe not all night. But he came out like an hour ago. I think he gave up on waiting for me to leave.” 

You pat the spot next to you on the couch and Bucky moves as quietly as he can. “How was your night? Do you feel better?” He looks you over. You looked less tired and from the blankets piled on his couch it looks like you had taken a nap. 

You nod. “A lot better… Thank you. I really appreciate you letting me hang out with your cat.” You look up at him with a nervous smile. “He’s just like you. You two were made for each other.” 

Bucky glances at Alpine. “What does that mean?” 

You poke Bucky’s leg with your socked foot. “Hard exterior, secretly wants to be best buds with me.” 

Bucky snorts and gently shoves your foot away. “My secret plan has been outed. Make the girl from 4B my best friend.” You laugh and move to tuck your feet under his leg. It’s silent for a moment, and Bucky knows you’re watching him so he busies himself with watching Alpine.

“Hey…” You trail off waiting for Bucky to turn his attention to you. “I don’t want to upset you or anything.” 

“That’s always a good start.” Bucky says nervously as he focuses on you. Your hands are fidgeting in your lap as you watch him. “What’s wrong?” 

You shake your head quickly. “Nothing’s wrong! I just… Promise you won’t be upset with me?” Your eyes are pleading and Bucky can feel himself get anxious. What could you be so nervous about? 

“What’s wrong?” He asks quietly. You don’t say anything, so Bucky swallows hard. “I promise.” He nods slowly. 

“Okay.” You take a deep breath. Bucky watches your eyes shift around the room before landing on his hands clenched together in his lap. “I thought I recognized you. Like, your name is so familiar and then when I saw you with Captain America…” 

Bucky looks down at his hands and nods. He knew where this was going. “I…” He trails off. 

“I looked you up.” You rush the words out. Your voice is small and Bucky feels any hopes he had for this friendship shatter around him. 

“I don’t… I’m not any of those things anymore.” Bucky cringes. His leg is shaking anxiously, but he just can’t get it to stop. He can’t even get himself to look up from his gloved hands, didn’t want to see the fear or disbelief that would be painted across your face. 

Your toes poke at his thigh again and it forces Bucky to look over at you. Your eyebrows are furrowed as you watch him, but there’s no trace of fear or anger, you wear the same kind smile that you always did. 

“I know that.” You whisper softly. Your eyes move past him and Bucky follows your line of vision to Alpine, whose bright eyes are staring at him. Bucky smiles gently at the cat as he stretches out and hops off the chair. Alpine rubs against Bucky’s shins, a welcome distraction from the impending conversation. Your feet curve upward to poke Bucky in the leg again. He looks up hastily at the gesture. “When I asked if you were a vet earlier, why did you say no?” 

Bucky purses his lips to think. The truth was he wasn’t at all sure how to explain everything to you. He didn’t have to explain things to Sam or Steve, they knew. “My war was a long time ago.” He settles on saying. 

“That doesn’t make you any less a veteran.” You say firmly.  “And there’s not much online about the Winter Soldier-“ There’s ringing in Bucky’s ears as the words come out of your mouth. What had you found? And what were you thinking? 

“Hey.” You lean over and place a gentle hand on his shoulder. “There’s not much online, but I didn’t read what there was because I knew that it was your story to tell me. When you’re ready.” 

Bucky inhales sharply as you look at him with curious eyes. “I… I did a lot of bad things. I… I worked on making amends and I… I was pardoned.” He pleads with you like he’s sure you’ll walk out if you know everything. 

“Okay.” The word is quiet and your hand is still resting on his shoulder. “You don’t have to tell me anything. I just wanted you to know that I’m your friend. Even with your super cool secret identity.” 

Bucky laughs at that. “It’s not a secret if you use your real name.” 

“Ah! You agree? We’re friends?” You say with a smirk. “Does that mean I get to see the super cool metal arm that’s always been covered around me?” 

Bucky shakes his head, but laughs. “Not yet.” You’re watching him carefully so he gives you a small smile. “I would say we’re friends though, yeah.” 

//

Suddenly, you’re always there. 

When Bucky has missions with Sam, you check in on Alpine for him. His spare key has moved from above his door to your keychain. 

You’ll come over with treats when he gets home from the VA. (Bucky likes to think you check for him when you hear the heavy footsteps in the hall and that’s why you’re always there right after he gets home.) 

He’ll bring dishes back whenever he sees you get home. (He does check the peephole when he hears footsteps.) 

You send him pictures of Alpine when he’s away. Alpine who still won't cuddle with you or even touch you, but who lays in the same room and has recently started allowing short pets. He sends you pictures of Sam and cities they’re in. 

And tonight, while he’s in New York, you’ve sent him a picture of you in his bathroom mirror with Alpine sitting pretty on the counter. 

He’s not supposed to be up there. 

All he gets is another picture in return, this time you have a thumbs up and Alpine is still on the counter. Bucky smiles. Sam notices. 

“Your girlfriend texting you?” He teases. 

Bucky scoffs. “She’s not my girlfriend… She just watches Alpine for me sometimes.” He looks back down at his phone. Nice. He sends back before stuffing it into his pocket and looking back at the man. 

Sam nods slowly. “Right. She just watches Alpine sometimes. And hangs out with you when she’s free. Don’t forget the treats she makes you and Alpine.” Sam lists off casually as he looks down at his fingernails. 

Bucky feels an embarrassed heat crawl up the back of his neck and looks down at his feet. “We’re friends. She’s a good friend.” 

When he looks up, Sam doesn’t have a teasing smile, but instead a genuinely happy one. Bucky thinks that this one is somehow worse when Sam grips his shoulder firmly. “I’m glad you have such a good friend, Bucky. Someone outside this super hero business.”

Bucky nods and swallows the lump in his throat. “Yeah. Thanks, Sam.”

“I’m serious, Bucky. You deserve it.” 

Bucky gives him a grateful smile unable to say anything else.

//

Bucky creeps into his apartment at four in the morning. It’s quiet, like usual, but Alpine isn’t sitting on the couch like he normally does when Bucky isn’t home. 

“Al?” He calls out quietly. The logical part of him is aware that Alpine may have fallen asleep in his bedroom, or underneath a piece of furniture. But there’s another part of him that panics at the routine being broken. 

Alpine was always there to greet him. 

Bucky would rather be safe than sorry. “Al.” He whispers again, already reaching for the knife strapped to his ankle. He bends slowly and lifts his pant leg as he scans his eyes under the couch and coffee table in search of the cat. 

He stands with the knife in his hand and moves slowly down his hallway. His bedroom door is ajar, Bucky takes a deep breath before pushing it open all the way. Alpine blinks at him from the edge of his bed. The knife slips from Bucky’s hand as he stands, shocked in the doorway. You’re asleep. Asleep on the bed that he never used. 

The knife clattering against the ground stirs you from your sleep and your eyes widen when you notice Bucky standing there. 

“Hey!” Your voice is raspy and low. You rub your eyes and Bucky can only stare at your half-asleep form. “I… I thought you were going to be gone until tomorrow night.” 

He nods. “Yeah. I mean, we got things done sooner than expected.” He explains. You lean over to flicker the light next to you on. Bucky doesn’t recognize the pillow sitting behind you or the blanket that’s thrown over your legs, he thinks you’ve brought them over from your apartment. You must have because his pillow and blanket was sitting folded in his linen closet waiting for the next time he camped out on the floor or the couch. 

You smile apologetically. “I’m sorry. I… I got tired of falling asleep on the couch.” You whisper. “And Alpine lays with me on the bed.” 

Bucky hastily shakes his head. “No! It’s fine. You don’t have to apologize. I should’ve told you to sleep in the bed. I didn’t even think of it.” I don’t really sleep in the bed. He moves further into the room. 

You scratch nervously at your cheek before freezing in action. He almost laughs at the annoyance that crosses your face. You had mentioned once that touching your face was a bad habit you had been trying to break for months. “I should go.” 

“You don’t have to.” Bucky opens his dresser drawer in search of sweatpants. “Stay here. You’ve already got yourself set up. I’ll crash on the couch.” 

You push the blanket off of your legs and Bucky has to force his eyes to stay on yours when he notices the already short shorts you’re wearing have ridden up your thighs from sleeping. “I can’t make you sleep on the couch, James. I’ll go!” 

“You know it’s Bucky.” He stops you with a hand on your shoulder. “It’s fine.” He stresses. “I… I don’t really sleep in the bed anyways. The couch is better.” 

Your eyes narrow. “You don’t have to lie to make me feel better.” He can tell you’re hesitant, but your rushed movements have paused. “My apartment is across the hall! I feel awful for invading your space like this already.” 

Bucky sits on the edge of the bed and watches curiously as you shift to sit next to him. Both your legs are dangling off, almost brushing his, and Bucky feels warmer than he had all week. “Doll, I’m serious. Beds are weird for me. I haven’t had one in so long that sometimes they’re just too overwhelming for me to sleep in.” 

He almost jumps when your head rests against his shoulder. “I’m sorry. I didn’t… I didn’t think of that.” 

“It’s good to see somebody getting good use out of this bed.” He leans into you slightly. “My ma would have thrown a fit if she saw how much this bed was. 800 dollars for a mattress... 800 dollars back then is like, thousands now.” 

You laugh softly. Bucky glances down again. Your eyes are closed and he thinks you’re almost asleep until you talk. “Do you… Would someone being there help you sleep in the bed?” 

You don’t open your eyes and Bucky’s almost glad for that because he can’t look away from you. “I… I don’t know. It’s only been Al and I.” His eyes follow the rise and fall of your chest as you breathe slow and calm. 

You finally look up. “You should stay with me. The couch isn’t comfortable to sleep on, I would know.” You elbow his stomach gently. 

He nods before he can even think about it. “If… If you’re comfortable with it.” He whispers. 

“I wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t. I promise.” You move away from him and Bucky already misses the warmth you radiate. “I’ll let you change.” 

He leans against the bathroom door as soon as it’s shut behind him. “It’s okay.” He mumbles to himself. His nightmares had been getting better, but that didn’t mean they were gone entirely. 

They probably never would be. And he knew he couldn’t let himself be afraid of the bed for the rest of his life. He had bought the bed. He just hadn’t expected his attempt at getting over the anxiety to be with you. 

Why had he said yes? He thinks as he shakily slips his jacket off. He looks at himself in the mirror and sighs. It was a good question, why had he said yes? 

He slips into his sweatpants and just stands in the bathroom. He couldn’t change his mind now. 

Well, he could. He knew you would give him a kind smile and reassure him that he didn’t have to do anything he didn’t want to. You were just that person. Kind and understanding and holding no judgement. 

“Okay.” He takes a deep breath. “Okay.” He shakes his shoulders out and picks up his discarded clothes. He stops at the linen closet and pulls out his blanket and pillow. 

You’re already wrapped up in your blanket again when Bucky comes back into the room. Alpine has moved to lay the floor in front of his bed. You smile sleepily at Bucky. He feels himself smile back. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad.

(When his eyes crack open the next morning he finds Alpine curled at his feet and you curled into his side, he knows being with you wouldn’t be bad. It’s the first time he lets himself think maybe this really is a crush.) 

//

So, Bucky has a crush. Which is a little ridiculous because he’s over a century old and having a crush is so high school, but it’s there. When you smile in the hall and butterflies rush through his stomach or when his chest warms at a picture you’ve sent of you and Alpine. It’s so obviously there. 

“What are you staring at?” Your voice shakes him when he realizes he’s been staring at you this entire time. You’re sitting next to him on the couch, so close your legs are touching. “Do I have something on my face?” You reach a hand up to your cheek. 

Bucky shakes his head hastily. “No. Sorry, I was just lost in my thoughts.”

“Penny?” You ask softly and Bucky furrows his brows in confusion. “Penny for your thoughts.” You clarify quickly. 

He thinks the smile that appears on your face is bashful and it makes Bucky feel just a little more confident. Maybe he made you as nervous as you made him. 

“You’re really pretty.” He says suddenly. Your eyes widen and you look away nervously. A hand scratches at the back of your neck and Bucky bites down on his lip as he watches you. Not exactly how he hoped that would go. “I mean… I was just looking at… how pretty you were.” He cringes at the words as they come out of his mouth. 

He used to be so much smoother than this, he thinks. He remembered having a new girl on his arm every week and a friend of theirs for Steve. 

Alpine meows loudly and Bucky just knows the cat is laughing at him. “Thank you.” You finally say quietly. “I… I didn’t think you thought that about me.” 

“‘Course I do.” He says equally as quietly. “Always thought you were pretty.” He glances at you and smirks, “Even when I thought you were weird too.” 

You gasp and turn to look at him. “You thought I was weird?” 

Bucky laughs and nods. “After you came in the middle of the night for salt? A little. And the fact that you keep calling me James when I’ve told you it’s Bucky.” He raises an eyebrow. 

You smile brightly. “You introduced yourself as James. Why would I call you anything else?” 

Bucky presses his tongue to his cheek as he tries not to laugh. “Yeah. I’ve regretted that every day since. Nobody’s called me James since the forties.” 

You scoff. “I find that hard to believe.” 

Bucky looks away. “Well for decades I was referred to as soldat.” He glances down at his hands. He’d stop wearing his gloves around you after you’d spent the night, even told you a little of his story the next morning. 

Sam thinks your relationship is weird. You spend the night sometimes and both of you find time to spend together when you can. It’s like you’re dating, but Bucky knows it’s not really like that. He thinks you both bring a sense of calm to one another. 

He’s not sure how to shift that, or if you would even want to, into a relationship. He glances back at you with a tense smile. “Steve always called me Buck. Sam calls me Bucky. Last person to call me James was probably my mother.” 

“I’m sorry… I never meant to-'' You take a deep breath like you’re preparing yourself for what you're going to say next. 

Bucky shakes his head. “It’s fine. I’m not trying to make you feel bad, I was just pointing it out.” He tries to smile reassuringly. 

“I was just trying to flirt.” You say so quickly the words sound jumbled together. 

It takes him a moment to comprehend what you’ve said. “With me?” He points to himself. The words make his confidence rise exponentially. “You were trying to flirt with me?” 

“With you.” You confirm with a slow nod. You start laughing, but it’s soft and happy. “Of course I was! I wanted you to remember me! How could I do that if I called you what everybody else does?” 

“I don’t know. Anything else?” He laughs along with you. “I…” He shakes his head with a smile. 

You both settle and Bucky hears you inhale sharply. “The salt to come see you and talk, the cookies and treats for Alpine… I’ve had this huge crush on you since you moved in.” You say softly. 

Bucky nods, he could see it now. Then he starts laughing again. He feels you smack his shoulder. “I’m sorry… You… Sam said that those cookies and treats were you trying to get me and Alpine to like you.” 

You roll your eyes at him. “Keen eye. He saw I was flirting.” You tease gently. “Does it… Does it bother you? Or change anything? The fact that I was flirting?” You ask softly and full of nerves. 

Bucky smiles sweetly. “That depends. Do you still want to flirt with me?” 

You narrow your eyes, but nod. “I don’t ask just any boy to sleep in the same bed as me.” 

“Just me and Alpine?” Bucky nudges your knee with his. You nod softly and he inhales a deep, nervous breath. “It worked.” He says quietly. 

You nudge his knee back. “It did?” 

He turns to look at you again. You’re already looking up at him with hopeful eyes and Bucky feels his heart race. “Yeah. I like you a lot. I don’t... I haven’t felt this way in a long time.” 

A smile breaks out on your face. “I like you a lot too.” You whisper, like you’re afraid anything louder will break the moment. 

“Can I kiss you?” He whispers back. You nod excitedly and lean towards him. Bucky places a gentle hand on your cheek as shuts his eyes and leans in. 

His chest warms when your lips press against his tentatively, like you’re both still nervous it’s not real. Your lips are soft and Bucky knows his own are chapped, but he feels you smile against him and can’t stop his own smile from overtaking his face. 

You pull away, but you’re still close enough that your lips are brushing against his. He’s caught up in the moment staring at you when he feels something rub against his shin. 

It makes you pull apart. Alpine is rubbing himself against both your legs and purring softly. Bucky presses a kiss to your cheek. 

“Think you won both of us over.” 

》* 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ • 。* 。° 。* 。 • ˚《

notes // what do you do when your midterm is an essay & gave you a headache? write bucky barnes fanfiction. thank you for reading! i hope you enjoyed it. ps i’ve seen some spelling mistakes promise to edit those in the morning!

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x fem!reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #james bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes imagine #cupidswritings

[pet-genius]

A complex and many-layered thing

But Harry’s anger at Snape continued to pound through his veins like venom. Let go of his anger? He could as easily detach his legs. . . .

This is the first Occlumency lesson. Harry is right, of course. Feelings don’t go away because you want them to. To let go of them when they’ve not been addressed or validated can be as hard as detaching a leg. And yet, it’s what Dumbledore asked Snape to do, and it’s what Snape had to do to survive the first war as Dumbledore’s spy. You have to ask yourself… how?

Trapped animals chew off their own legs to escape. It’s a sacrifice they make to survive.

If there’s one thing in a fic that turns me off it, it’s the idea that Occlumency shields are a thing, that Severus was so gifted at it because he’s got some power like Second Sight or being a metamorphagus. I always preferred to think of Occlumency and Legilimency as skills that can be learned, even if some have more aptitude for it than others.

Severus entered Hogwarts with the kind of life experience that primed him for developing these skills, and left it with even more. Occlumency is magical dissociation, a post-traumatic coping mechanism, and Severus has C/PTSD. More under the cut; tw: just general angst.

To survive, he would have had to develop a knack for telling how explosive and unpredictable people feel. Over his life, he faced at least two egregious examples of what Pete Walker, author of “Complex PTSD” calls “the Charming Bully”.

Especially devolved fight types can become sociopathic. Sociopathy can range along a continuum that stretches from corrupt politician to vicious criminal. A particularly nasty sociopath, who I call the charming bully, probably falls somewhere around the middle of this continuum. The charming bully behaves in a friendly manner some of the time. He can even occasionally listen and be helpful in small amounts, but he still uses his contempt to overpower and control others. This type typically relies on scapegoats for the dumping of his vitriol. These unfortunate scapegoats are typically weaker than him. […] He generally spares his favorites from this behavior, unless they get out of line. If the charming bully is charismatic enough, those close to him will often fail to register the unconscionable meanness of his scapegoating. The bully’s favorites often slip into denial, relieved that they are not the target. Especially charismatic bullies may even be admired and seen as great.

These would be James Potter and Tom Riddle, who are distantly related, I might add. Harry inherited the tendency to default to the fight response, but since he grew up the scapegoat and not the golden child, he never becomes quite as appalling, and after all, a fight response is normal when they are after you. Even so, Harry, who has both James and Voldemort inside him, triggers Severus to no end. It’s not a coincidence that the memories Harry sees when he is with him are largely horrible, and vice versa. There had to be happy or at least neutral or even boring moments, but these two detest each other, and they know they detest each other. Negative emotions and associated memories are so close to the surface they can’t be contained. This is the purpose of the Pensieve in this context - to contain the emotions. Since Severus knew what was in there when he pulled Harry out, my theory is that you don’t suddenly forget the memories you placed there, but rather you make them less fraught with emotions.

“Get up!” said Snape sharply. “Get up! You are not trying, you are making no effort, you are allowing me access to memories you fear, handing me weapons!”

Harry stood up again, his heart thumping wildly as though he had really just seen Cedric dead in the graveyard. Snape looked paler than usual, and angrier, though not nearly as angry as Harry was. “I — am — making — an — effort,” he said through clenched teeth.

“I told you to empty yourself of emotion!”

“Yeah? Well, I’m finding that hard at the moment,” Harry snarled.

“Then you will find yourself easy prey for the Dark Lord!” said Snape savagely. “Fools who wear their hearts proudly on their sleeves, who cannot control their emotions, who wallow in sad memories and allow themselves to be provoked this easily — weak people, in other words — they stand no chance against his powers! He will penetrate your mind with absurd ease, Potter!”

A lot to unpack here.

“Memories you fear,” “weapons”, “easy prey”.

Fearing your own memories, viewing your own lived experiences as weapons to be used against you, being easy prey… Severus could not be speaking louder of himself here. He is the one whose mind had been penetrated with absurd ease, he is the one who handed weapons to Voldemort, and he is the one who had to do the psychological equivalent of detaching his own leg – again and again – to survive.

I’ll argue that Severus developed a fawn response and a flight response, as fighting had never really worked out for him if it was possible at all. He had at least two more people I’d describe as bullies in his life, Tobias and Lucius.

Again from Pete Walker:

These [fawn] response patterns are so deeply set in the psyche, that as adults, many codependents automatically respond to threat like dogs, symbolically rolling over on their backs, wagging their tails, hoping for a little mercy and an occasional scrap. Webster’s second entry for fawn is: “to show friendliness by licking hands, wagging its tail, etc.: said of a dog.” I find it tragic that some codependents are as loyal as dogs to even the worst “masters”.

Remember what Sirius called him? Lucius’s lapdog. Bellatrix called him Dumbledore’s pet, Dumbledore said he dangles on Voldemort’s arm, the narrative compares Snape to a rabbit in SWM and Harry compares the Half Blood Prince to a beloved pet who had gone feral (yes, this does mean a lot to me on a personal level, yes my username is not a coincidence).

His unconscious fawn response might have been his undoing, drawn as he was to figures like Lucius and Voldemort. As an adult, I think he utilized the skills he had developed to survive in order to stitch these people up, and involuntary dissociation and fawning became Occlumency, which to me, is his signature magic. Harry needed only to banish Voldemort from his mind; Severus could not settle for this. He had to give Voldemort something, and knowing how to fawn meant knowing what to give him and how to draw himself in such a light that Voldemort would believe it. We see how he wanted to be seen by the Death Eaters: a self-serving coward who sought to hide behind Dumbledore’s apron, playing his pet. But that’s Pettigrew, not Snape. Imagine the self-immolation, the self-violation, it must have taken to convince everyone that you’re an ersatz Wormtail! Snape is a man and a prince, and the text recognizes this as Harry calls him, in the end, Dumbledore’s man, the bravest man, and as that chapter is called “The Prince’s Tale”. Voldemort thought Snape was nothing more than a “good and faithful servant,” and that his last words were “My Lord”.

But Severus had an unequaled gift for Occlumency, specifically against Voldemort, because Voldemort could not legilimens what he couldn’t feel; and he couldn’t feel love, grief, guilt, and remorse. This was Severus’s secret weapon, which would not have worked against Harry - who can feel these things, and who is also Lily’s son. I can prove it. The first time Harry gets the hang of Occlumency is after Dobby dies:

His scar burned, but he was master of the pain; he felt it, yet was apart from it. He had learned control at last, learned to shut his mind to Voldemort, the very thing Dumbledore had wanted him to learn from Snape. Just as Voldemort had not been able to possess Harry while Harry was consumed with grief for Sirius, so his thoughts could not penetrate Harry now, while he mourned Dobby. Grief, it seemed, drove Voldemort out . . . though Dumbledore, of course, would have said that it was love. . . .

Harry learned to dissociate, though fortunately in a healthier way than many of us ever get to.

Of course, Snape was a good and faithful servant… to Dumbledore, which brings us to the flight response. The chapter wherein he escapes after killing Dumbledore is called “Flight of the Prince”. He should be fighting, he had just proven that he can cast a killing curse, and yet he flees. He can literally fly, in fact: He, Lily, and Voldemort are the only ones we see pulling this off.

As a child, we see this too: He copes with his home situation by reminding himself “it won’t be long and I’ll be gone.” He is thrilled when he imagines Hogwarts, his escape; he follows Lily out of the carriage instead of confronting James and Sirius head-on (which might have saved them all a lot of pain eventually). But this doesn’t work out, we see that in terrifying detail. The next attempt at an escape is joining the Death Eaters, but this too doesn’t work out.

He can’t flee anymore.

“Severus, you cannot pretend this isn’t happening!” Karkaroff’s voice sounded anxious and hushed, as though keen not to be overheard. “It’s been getting clearer and clearer for months. I am becoming seriously concerned, I can’t deny it —”

“Then flee,” said Snape’s voice curtly. “Flee — I will make your excuses. I, however, am remaining at Hogwarts.”

Shortly thereafter:

“Severus,” said Dumbledore, turning to Snape, “you know what I must ask you to do. If you are ready . . . if you are prepared . . .”

“I am,” said Snape.

He looked slightly paler than usual, and his cold, black eyes glittered strangely.

He was ready, and he was prepared. He didn’t fly; he walked toward what might well have been his end with open eyes, armed only with the strength of his mind. Before Voldemort killed him, he looked pale, again, and terrified.

“I sought a third wand, Severus. The Elder Wand, the Wand of Destiny, the Deathstick. I took it from its previous master. I took it from the grave of Albus Dumbledore.”

And now Snape looked at Voldemort, and Snape’s face was like a death mask. It was marble white and so still that when he spoke, it was a shock to see that anyone lived behind the blank eyes.

I ask myself if this was the moment he realized he had been betrayed, that by giving Dumbledore a painless death he had secured his own. Maybe he wasn’t pale because he was scared; maybe he was pale because he was shocked. He was at his absolute limit, Occluding with all his might when he could have easily saved himself. The dam is about to break. All the memories he feared, all the weapons, the entire content of his heart is about to spill through - literally.

He fawned for Voldemort, the worst of all possible masters, but in the end, he was Voldemort’s undoing. All the ways in which he was weak and powerless against Tobias, James, Lucius, et al., proved to be part of goodness and source of his power. It doesn’t surprise me in the least that Snape is so loved. I’ve never actually seen such love for any other fictional character. He represents a kind of courage that many of us need to get by, lest we simply become evil or give the fuck up (“I wish I was dead”). A kind of courage rarely celebrated. The more time I’ve spent in the fandom in general and in the Snapedom in particular, the more I am convinced of this.

#pro severus snape #snapedom #snape meta #snape love #severus snape #psychology #complex ptsd #I'm not qualified to diagnose anyone #But like #come on #sometimes JKR writes brilliance she doesn't seem to comprehend #snape #occlumency #harry potter

[onecanonlife]

Tommy is dead. The server reacts.

(word count: 1,732)

---------------

“What have you done?”

His voice is a reedy whisper, thin with horror and the realization that he is too little, too late. He doesn’t expect the sound to carry over the lava, but a response comes soon enough.

“He wouldn’t stop talking. And he killed the cat.”

Dream’s voice is even, calm, almost a bit defensive, as if he truly believes that he is justified in his actions. Sam swallows down his mounting nausea, places his trident against the floor to steady himself. The lava crackles, hisses, bubbles, orange and glowing, and he can’t cross it. Not now. Not when the security threat remains unresolved. Not when any wrong move on his part could very well mean Dream’s escape.

But he’s already made the wrong move, hasn’t he? Made the wrong move, and Tommy has paid for it. Has been paying for it, this whole last week. He kept him in there, kept him locked in a box with Dream even though he knows very well how it would effect him, kept him locked in with the reasoning that it was temporary, that he would let him out as soon as he could, that he couldn’t risk Dream’s release for anyone, even for Tommy.

But it’s not temporary.

Tommy was sixteen and loud-mouthed and bright-eyed when Sam last saw him, when he said that this would be the last time, that he was going to put his past behind him and look to a new start. Tommy will always be sixteen and loud-mouthed and bright-eyed, and locked in a box. There will be no new start. No seventeenth birthday. No triumphant return, no shining hotel. No tricks, no scams, no pranks.

Tommy was sixteen and loud-mouthed and bright-eyed. Tommy is dead.

He can’t even get his body.

He can’t even get his body.

Sam stands on the edge of a curtain of lava, staring into the orange glow that hides a monster in a room that is now a child’s pre-made coffin, and he wonders if he is a monster himself.

***

“He’s fine.”

It’s the only thing to say. The only truth. The only possibility. Sure, the message is there, glaring up from his communicator in bright yellow letters, but it’s not real. It’s a joke of some kind, a trick. Something to fake everyone out. Maybe Sam’s in on it, too. Tommy must be going crazy in there, to think that this would actually be funny, but it sounds like something he would do.

“Tubbo,” Ranboo says, and then stops. Nothing else. His face is pale, though things like that are hard to tell, with him, considering that half his face is always pale. But he’s gone an ashy-grey sort of color, and it doesn’t look great.

“He’s not dead,” he says, and laughs a bit. “Tommy wouldn’t just die like that. That’d be ridiculous.”

Tommy’s death would never be so meek. Tommy’s death, when it happens, will be a spectacle, a dramatic showing with speeches and explosions and the sun rising at just the right time and haloing his hair, because TommyInnit deserves nothing less than the best death scene. Women wailing and the like. So Tommy is not dead, because if Tommy were dead, that would mean that he died alone, in the company of no one but his murderer, that he died scared, trapped in a small space with no way out, that he died without Tubbo by his side.

“Right,” Ranboo says, and his voice is doing a peculiar thing that Tubbo can’t quite work out. “Yeah, of course. Do you wanna—do you think we should go check it out? Go stop by the prison?”

“What for?” he asks. “Sam’s not going to let us in. He didn’t even when I built a dick on top of it.”

And here is another thing: Tommy can’t be dead because it was never supposed to be Tommy first. Tubbo has tried to live without him, and he found it very hard. So Tommy is not allowed to die before Tubbo does. That is the rule that he keeps locked up in his heart, because Tommy would be upset if he knew about it. But it’s a rule that Tubbo intends to follow, so Tommy can’t be dead.

That would be against the rules.

“Just to see?” Ranboo tries. Tubbo’s not sure why he’s being so insistent about this.

“Nah, we’ve got a hotel to build,” he says. “C’mon.”

Ranboo follows along behind him. His feet drag, like he’s reluctant. But Tubbo has long since given up on understanding why Ranboo does the things that he does.

***

He’s dead.

She should be glad about it. This is what she wanted. Tommy dead, punished for all the pain and suffering he’s caused everyone else. No longer able to start wars, to cause harm, to blaze his way through the server and leave a path of destruction in his wake.

Tommy is dead. She should be glad about it. She is glad about it. She’s even smiling.

There is a message from Jack. She doesn’t check it.

Tommy is dead, that blue-eyed, wide-grinned boy who followed along on his brother’s coattails. Tommy is dead, that fiery spirit crushed and his overbearing, fast-talking voice silent. Tommy is dead, that loyal friend, the protector and defender of all that he called his, the fighter, the scammer, the boy who loved with all of his heart and then some.

Tommy is dead. Dead, dead, dead. There is no coming back from dead. Dead is final. Dead is an ending. Dead means it’s all over. Tommy is over. Tommy is gone. Tommy will never grow old.

It’s what she wanted. She should be glad about it. She is glad about it. She’s even smiling.

Niki brings her hand to her mouth to check. It’s a smile. A smile, for sure.

Her fingers come away from her face wet.

***

It was an empty castle already, but it feels emptier now. The different between a possibility and its lack, they suppose.

Tommy was never supposed to die. They can’t fathom it, somehow. Can’t fathom that it’s real, that Tommy will never grace these halls again. They’d finally begun to fix things, begun to work toward redemption, well and truly. And now Tommy is gone.

Eret grips their communicator tightly in their hand.

“I’m sorry,” they murmur to no one at all.

It was never meant to be echoes in their head, over and over and over again, an apology that means nothing but so much scattered dust.

***

He closes his eyes. Breathes. In and out.

This happens. People die. They die, and they leave, and he’s left behind. That’s his life. That’s how it is.

It still hurts, when it happens. He’s still learning how to make it not hurt. Still learning how not to be angry, that people find it so easy to abandon him. That people find it so easy to go where he can’t follow. Wilbur first, now Tommy, and he doesn’t have anyone left, really.

But it’s fine. It’s alright. He can manage on his own. He always has.

Fundy decides to go to bed early.

***

He takes a moment to breathe. To process. To absorb.

To regret, for what might have been.

The voices in his head call for blood, as they always do, but he will not give them the satisfaction. Not this time. The blood he wants most is not readily accessible, and he will not put himself in the position of confronting the favor owed. Not now. Not like this. Not ever, if he can help it, though he knows that these sorts of things always take their due, always steal their pound of flesh.

“I know, chat,” he says. “You can all shut up, I know.”

It doesn’t appease them. He wasn’t expecting it to.

Tommy is dead. Tommy is dead, and their relationship with it. Any tentative attempts toward repairs have been left to rot, to burn on the funeral pyre. Theseus, fallen from the cliff at long last.

The story was always going to end this way. No one can stop the Fates from severing the string.

He stands with a groan. He is not built for this weather, for this cold, and it is a wonder that he keeps being drawn to it, time and time again. It is a balm, he thinks, but for what, he doesn’t know. For nothing, at the moment, as the voices threaten to crowd out all the rest. But he can’t deal with them right now.

Phil has his own house, now, and a bridge to connect the two. A bridge over still water, such that Tommy will never cross. He should not feel the way he does. Tommy betrayed him. Tommy used him. Tommy discarded him, so he tossed him aside in turn.

But once they were called brothers. Does it mean anything, in the end?

Phil is standing in the middle of the floor, ruined wings on full display. His face is blank, his communicator held loosely in one hand.

“Phil,” he says.

“I failed him,” Phil says. “I should’ve been there for him, and I wasn’t.”

Technoblade has no comfort for the truth.

But he has comfort for his friend, for his friend who is perhaps his father but is definitely family, so he stretches out his arms and catches Phil as he falls, falls and falls and screams, and it is good, he thinks, that the wings are already ruined, because Daedalus tried to catch his son and failed. It is good, he thinks, that the wings are already ruined, so he cannot try again and ruin the rest of himself, too.

***

He nudges the body with his foot.

“You shouldn’t have killed that cat,” he murmurs. The body does not reply, and he sighs.

Tommy’s face is beyond recognition. The blood coats his knuckles. He hopes that there’s enough water in the sink to wash it out before it sets. He hates it when the blood sets.

He didn’t mean to go as far as he did. That doesn’t mean much, in the end. This will work just as well.

He is a god, after all. He is a god, and he will have what he deserves, and more besides.

“Don’t worry, Tommy,” he says. “I’ll make a believer out of you yet.”

#mcyt #dsmp #dream smp #dsmp fic #tommyinnit #awesamdude #dreamwastaken #tubbo #technoblade #philza #niki nihachu #eret #ranboo #fundy #dsmp spoilers #/rp #once again i speedran writing this so it's not edited #forgive any typos or weird wording i just have too many feelings #cat writes fic