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storiesforallfandoms · 3 years

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driver’s license ~ machine gun kelly

word count: 2520

request?: no

description: in which a new song reminds her too much of her ex, and leads them to reconnect

pairing: machine gun kelly x female!reader

warnings: swearing, angst, sadness

based on this song (of course)

masterlist

Who knew that a song by a 17 year old could cause so much hurt to be brought back for me? Not to bash 17 year olds or anything, but when I was 17 I could never write something so heartbreakingly beautiful.

I was on my way home from work when the song came on the radio for the first time. I was captivated by the lyrics immediately and found myself having to pull over because I couldn’t stop crying. It took a solid five minutes and having to play my happy playlist on Spotify before I finally felt okay enough to get home, however the minute I got in through the door I found the song on Spotify and listened to it all night.

The lyrics connected with me in a way that a song hadn’t in years, and the pain in the singer’s voice opened up fresh wounds that I had thought were long closed.

She's so much older than me She's everything I'm insecure about

Of course he ended up with her. Even if he hadn’t actually left me for her, he always told me there was nothing between them besides on screen chemistry. And now they were dating and supposedly “so in love”.

And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone Guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me 'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street

He wrote so many songs about me. He played every one of them for me after writing and recording them, just to get my approval and my okay to put them out. They were beautiful songs - songs in which he promised forever. He’d always said he was going to marry me one day, make me the mother of his future kids. His “forever girl”.

Can't drive past the places we used to go to 'Cause I still fucking love you, babe

God...did I ever still love him.

Our relationship didn’t get a proper closure. At least, not on my end. It all happened so fast. He came home after a long tour and was silent the whole night. He didn’t even try to make love to me the way he always did after being away from me for so long. The next morning, he told me over breakfast that he had lost feelings for me. He asked me to get my things and take them back to the apartment I still had despite basically living out of his home. Then he left, saying he didn’t want to be there to watch me leave.

After that, it was like he stopped existing. Well, it was like Colson Baker stopped existing. Machine Gun Kelly was everywhere, especially after announcing his new relationship with Megan Fox, in which he made sure to post pictures and videos with her basically every week. But the Colson I knew and loved stopped existing. He blocked me on everything, even my phone number. He didn’t reach out to me, neither did Casie. I figured the latter was because her father told her not to, which almost hurt more than the breakup did. I loved Casie like my own daughter, and I loved Colson more than anything. And in the span of 12 hours, I lost both of them.

I credited that non-closure to the reason I had such a hard time moving on, even after being broken up almost a year. I really thought I was okay, until I heard fucking Olivia Rodrigo singing about her own heartbreak, and it made me remember mine was still fresh.

On one day that my thoughts were becoming too dark to bare on my own, I decided to go out for a drive to clear my head. I turned on the song, just to make myself more depressed I guess. I wasn’t really paying attention to the road (not good, I know) and, I guess by some muscle memory, I found myself driving down Colson’s street. I hadn’t realized where I was until I saw his familiar house, which his familiar car in the driveway...and his familiar tall frame getting out of it.

My breath caught in my throat and I was sure I was about to crash the car. I looked at him for a little too long, every good memory we ever had rushing back in that moment. He was looking down at his keys as he bumped the car door shut with his hip. I wondered if Megan was in the house waiting for him, and found that that thought hurt me more than actually seeing him.

I saw his head lifting, looking in my direction, for a split second before my eyes darted back to the road. I hoped he couldn’t see me in the driver’s seat, or that he didn’t see me looking at him. I hoped he just thought I was a random car passing through the neighborhood. If he couldn’t see that it was specifically me driving, there was no way he’d know it was my car. There were too many cars like it.

My heart was racing and I could feel tears welling up in my eyes again. I knew I had to pull over, but I was still too close to his house to feel comfortable stopping. I blinked my tears away and continued driving, trying to steady my heartbeat as I drove to the coffee shop just at the end of his road. The one we always used to go to.

I got out and went inside, hoping that getting something to eat and drink would help me to settle down before I drove home. I ordered an iced coffee and a muffin and took it to sit in a booth tucked away in the back of the coffee shop. I was trying to distract myself with my phone when someone approached and spoke.

“Hey.”

My whole body tensed up as I looked up to see - of course - Colson stood over me.

“Hey,” I said. I cringed at how hoarse my voice sounded. God, pull it together (Y/N).

“I thought that was you driving past my place,” he said, shoving his hands in his pockets awkwardly.

“Yeah, sorry,” I said, trying to come up with some excuse on the spot as to why I was in the neighborhood. “I haven’t been to this place in so long and found myself craving some coffee. I guess...it was just muscle memory to come through your way to get here.”

“Don’t apologize,” he said. “I...I actually got a little excited. I thought...I thought maybe you were coming over for a second. I forgot...”

His voice trailed away.

How could he forget we broke up when he was the one who dumped me? And he was the one who moved on soo effortlessly?

“Can I sit?” he asked.

I shrugged in response. “Free country.”

He chuckled at my joke, and my heart did an involuntary flip. God, I missed that laugh.

He sat across from me in the booth and looked down at his hands. I stared down at the food in front of me, suddenly feeling too queasy to eat. Instead, I took another sip of my iced coffee.

“How have you been?” he asked.

The questioned annoyed me.

How have I been?! Well, let’s see: you absolutely shattered my heart, went MIA on me and took your daughter with you, started seeing the much older, much prettier actress that you told me you had no feelings for and decided to rub it in my face through social media, all while I have been so broken for nearly a year that I constantly have friends and family checking in on me to make sure I’m still alive. How the fuck do you think I’ve been?!

I decided not to respond that way though, even though I was aching to make him feel bad for what he did to me. I knew it was the smarter option to try and be the bigger person in this situation.

“I’ve been okay,” I responded, trying to be as vague as possible. “Not too much as happened really. Still...same old me.”

I didn’t ask him how he was, because I already knew. He knew that I knew, because how could I not? His face was plastered everywhere, usually sucking on Megan’s face as well.

“It’s cool to see you,” he said instead. “I...It’s been too long.”

“Well, it tends to be hard to communicate when you block someone on everything overnight.”

I quickly took a sip of my iced coffee, almost wishing that would put the words back in my mouth.

Colson winced. “Yeah, that was...that was wrong of me. I...I’m sorry.”

“Why the fuck are you here, Colson?” I finally snapped. So much for being the bigger person. “Couldn’t you have just watched me drive past in peace? Did you have to follow me?”

“I felt like I had to,” he said. “I wanted...I wanted to know I hadn’t just seen you this time like all the other times I saw a car that looked like yours. I had to know if it was actually you this time. And I...I had to see you in person again.”

“You could’ve called at any time,” I reminded him. “Or messaged on social media, or even just texted. You could’ve even sent a fucking letter, Colson! If you wanted to see me that bad, you had ways of reaching out. You decided not to, you decided that the break up meant I was non-existent to you anymore.”

“I know!” he snapped back, his hand hitting the table and causing the contents on it to rattle. All eyes in the coffee shop were staring at us for a brief moment before going back to what they were doing. “I fucking know, and it was the worst fucking mistake I’ve ever made. I’m so sorry, (Y/N), I was a complete idiot.”

“Sorry means nothing to me, Colson,” I told him. “Sorry doesn’t undo the year of heartbreak and agony you put me through. Sorry doesn’t undo the fact that you left me for six months to go on tour, that you texted and called me every morning and every night to tell me how much you loved me and how you couldn’t wait to see me again, even on the night before you came home, only to do a complete 180 the moment you got off the plane. It doesn’t excuse the fact that you told me to take my shit and leave the place I had considered a home for two years because you were ending the five year relationship that you claimed to be so deeply in love with. And it especially doesn’t excuse the fact that mere months after the break up you were all over Megan fucking Fox!”

He was silent for a long time. His eyes were becoming moist with tears, and I could feel a lump growing in my own throat. But I couldn’t break. I refused to do so. Not in front of him, not right now.

“I’m such a fucking idiot,” he finally breathed, his voice cracking slightly. “You have to know how much I truly do fucking love you, (Y/N). That never went away. It’s still there, you’re still my forever girl in my heart. But when I came home from tour...my manager called me as I was boarding the flight and told me that there was a plan in motion to get promo for the new album and for the movie with Megan. They wanted Megan and I to date for PR, to be all lovey dovey in front of the cameras and to gush over one another constantly. I reminded him about you and he told me I had to break up with you. He gave me no option, he said either I did that or I was being dropped from the label. No album, no movie, no...no nothing. Just the loser who was still being referred to as the idiot who got his career destroyed by Eminem.”

It was a shocking revelation. I had known Colson’s manager, he seemed like such a nice guy. He didn’t seem like the type to give those kinds of ultimatums. But there was that saying about a wolf in sheep’s clothing...

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked.

“It was easier to make you think I just wasn’t in love anymore,” he said. “I didn’t want you to think I was choosing my career over you, cause I’d never do that. You meant - you mean - the world to me (Y/N). You’re my everything. I just...all the hard work I was putting into everything, for all of that to go to waste, for everything to flop just because I didn’t want to fake date my co-star. I was afraid of the power my manager held over me so...so I just did it. I went along with the plan. I pretended to be hopelessly in love with Megan when I had no feelings for her at all.”

He reached across the table and took my hands in his. I jumped and thought about pulling away from him, but I couldn’t deny that it felt nice to feel his touch again.

“I love you, (Y/N),” he said. “More than anything, you’re the person I want to be with. That bullshit with Megan, it’s long over. We just haven’t made it known publicly, but it will be announced. I want to try and pick up where things left off with us. I want to have you back in my home - in my arms - preparing to marry you someday. Please, (Y/N), can you please forgive me?”

It was the words I wanted to hear more than anything. I had dreamt about hearing Colson ask to take me back ever since he had broken up with me. At that point in time, I probably would’ve jumped at the chance, too. But this time, I slowly pulled my hands away from his. He looked at me in confusion.

“I can’t,” I told him. “Colson, you really fucking hurt me. You left me with no explanation, not even any closure. I get why you did it, but you have to understand that you telling me now isn’t going to undo a year’s worth of hurt that you put me through. I don’t know if anything will ever undo that at this point.”

I stood from the booth, taking my coffee with me and leaving a heartbroken Colson looking up at me with puppy dog eyes.

“There’s this song I’ve been listening to,” I said. “It’s called Driver’s License. I think it’s the only accurate way to describe how much you hurt me when you broke up with me. I encourage you to listen to it, then you can try to take me back again.”

I turned quickly and left before he could see me cry.

#machine gun kelly #machine gun kelly imagine #machine gun kelly x reader #colson baker #colson baker imagine #colson baker x reader #mgk #drivers license #olivia rodrigo #imagine #one shot #angst #song #song prompt #fanfiction #fanfic #fandom

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mcwriting · 3 years

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Lost in Rome

hello, friends! Ever since "La Vita Dolce," I've wanted to write something else involving Italy and at least one Italian phrase, and so this lil story was born! Hope you all enjoy!

Ship: Tom Holland x Reader

Word Count: 1488

Warnings: mentions of drinking, vv slight language

★

You had been walking around Rome for what felt like an eternity.

(It had only been like 30 minutes)

You knew the bar was right near Piazza Navona, but you'd only been to that part of the city one other time, having been staying south on the other side of the river in Trastevere.

You felt embarrassed knowing you were dragging your friends around the city without much of a guide, but you were too stubborn to admit that you were actually lost.

"Maybe we should've gone to Bar San Calisto again. It was cheap and close but noooo. I just had to look up a 'best bars in Rome' list" you thought as you continued to trudge on.

Not only were you lost, but you also didn't have the ability to look up where you were going, since you'd decided to go cheap and not buy an international plan or a vpn, choosing to only using wifi so you'd "stay in the moment."

That moment seemed stupid now that every marble wall and cobblestone street started to meld together in your brain as it continued to darken.

A trip to Rome was something you'd been wanting to do for years, so when your university offered up the chance to go study abroad for 4 weeks, you immediately began scrounging up the funds to go, even scoring a scholarship based on the fact that you'd taken Italian classes in school.

You'd only been there a week but thankfully had bonded with your roommate before even going, having struck up a conversation at the informational meeting the semester before. Since then, you had also bonded with those in the room next door, them sticking to you as their translator.

Finally, you couldn't take it anymore, stopping.

"Okay, look, guys. I'm really sorry but I literally have no idea where we are," you admitted, feeling guilty. Everyone else smiled.

"That's okay! This place is beautiful! I'm sure we'll find it eventually," your roommate, Olivia, said.

"Yeah. Didn't you say it was at Piazza Navona?" Aaron, one of your neighbors, asked. You nodded. "Well as long as we can find that, then we're basically there!"

After some wandering, your group found itself in the square in front of the Pantheon, which was a step in the right direction, but you were determined to actually find the right place.

There was a hotel right there, so you quickly stepped in to ask the desk worker to point you towards the Piazza, who explained that it was only a couple streets East of where you were.

Relieved, you and your friends quickly walked that way, breathing out a collective sigh when you walked into the giant open square, looking around at the familiar structures from the second day of class when you'd toured the area.

"Sooo... where's this bar?" Aaron's roommate Joseph asked.

You all circled the square from the inside and out a couple times, not seeing any signs with the name "Bar del Fico Roma" anywhere.

Dread started to wash over you as you realized the website must not have meant the bar was actually on the square, but was somewhere nearby. You felt stupid for not screenshotting the website page or, you know, actually looking it up first.

"Fine, that's it! I'm marching up to the next person I see and asking where this darn place is. We've made it this far!" you said, exasperated.

The first thing that caught your eye was a group of people who looked close to your age, talking in a small group. They were pretty well dressed, typical of a young Italian, so you immediately started over towards them, expecting them to be the most helpful in giving directions.

"Wait, y/n!" Olivia protested, but you ignored her, walking between a shorter boy and taller girl.

You couldn't help but sigh out the words as you started speaking, placing a light hand on the boy's arm.

“Scusa, potresti dirme dov’è la-" "Excuse me, could you tell me where the-"

"Sorry! I don't speak Italian!" the boy answered in a British accent, turning to face you with hands in surrender.

You both seemed taken aback when your eyes met.

Tom Holland?

"Um, oh what was the word for sorry in Italian again?" the actor in front of you asked, looking to one of his many Spider-man costars around you. Before one could answer, you blurted out one for him.

"It's 'mi dispiace' or 'perdonami,' depending on how you want to say it," you started, realizing how stupid you probably sounded to be teaching a world famous actor Italian words after accidentally infiltrating his conversation.

However, Tom was more shocked by your American accent. Your eyes still widened as you realized what was actually going on.

"Oh my gosh, what am I saying, um. I- I'm so sorry. We're just trying to find this bar and got lost and-"

"Which bar?" he asked in return. You furrowed your brows and looked at him funny, wondering why he would care. He seemed to take notice. "It's just that, we're also headed to a bar and can't seem to find it, either."

You chuckled at the situation, baffled.

"Well, um, it's called 'Bar del Fico Roma.'"

Tom's eyes widened.

"Hey, that's where we're headed!" Jacob Batalon cut in, making you look at him and the rest of the actors in surprise. You could see your own friends shock from your peripheral.

"No way! Really?" Joseph said for you. The group nodded.

"I just got it pulled up on maps," Zendaya said, holding up her phone. Realization suddenly hit that she of all people was the one who you had been standing next to this whole time.

You and your friends all gasped incredulously, amazed at your luck after spending all that time lost.

"If you want, we can show you the way," Tom offered.

"What? No, no we couldn't impose like that," you began, knowing your friends were probably internally screaming at you.

"Oh come on," Tom responded. "We're all going to the same place anyways, not like we won't see you there. It's barely a five minute's walk."

"Seriously, y/n. Do you really want to go around asking more locals for help when we've got it right here?" Olivia asked, raising a good point.

"Alright, fine," you started, rolling your eyes. You turned back to Tom. "You know what they say, 'when in Rome.' Seriously, thank you. All of you. You're definitely saving our asses."

He chuckled as Zendaya began leading the way. Though the sun had set, lights throughout the roads and emanating from various shops lit the way.

Without meaning to, you fell into step with Tom, easily matching his gait as you crossed through the bustling piazza.

"So what brings you to Italy?" He asked. "You don't quite sound like a local."

"We're studying abroad through our university. Unfortunately for me, these goons keep following me 'cause I speak the language," you joked, causing Olivia to slap the back of her hand to your shoulder.

"Ah, I see. I was definitely confused when you went from Italian to American in an instant. Y/n, was it?"

"Yes! Yeah, that's me. And you're obviously Tom Holland."

"You better remember that later, he tends to forget his own name after a few drinks," Zendaya called back to you, causing the group to laugh.

"Hey! That was one time!" Tom defended himself. "Not my fault I was going through a breakup!"

He turned back to you.

"Don't listen to them. I'm quite fun to drink with. You should see for yourself."

"Is that some sort of offer..?" you questioned playfully, tucking your hair behind your ear.

"If everyone's alright with it, I figured you all would join us at the lounge. I'm more than happy to pay for a round or two," he winked.

The group was approaching the bar, and any anxiety you'd had about finding it finally quelled when you could see people outside laughing and drinking as they enjoyed the summer night.

"Hmm... I don't know..." you sing-songed, looking up at the sky.

"Dude are you crazy?" Aaron exclaimed, causing the others to argue in agreement with him.

"Okay, okay. Of course we would be happy to join you for a drink. Thank you."

Both groups cheered in approval.

"The only thing I ask in return is a little lesson in Italian and, if all goes well, a pretty lady's number at the end of the night," he said smoothly, giving you a look.

The others looked between you with wide eyes, surprised at his open flirting. You couldn't help but smile and blush before replying.

"I think that's something I can manage. Now come on, your first lesson will be in ordering drinks," you said, grabbing his hand to lead him in what was about to be the best night of his life.

And yours.

★

A/N: Okay fun fact I thought up this concept immediately after publishing La Vita Dolce and just... never wrote it? The entire work was actually written around the one Italian phrase I used haha.

Anyways... Hope you all enjoyed as per usual and feel free to hmu anytime about anything :)

Send a message or ask if you’d like to be added to my permanent or series taglists so I can verify you’ve been added!

@jackiehollanderr, @one-big-fangirl, @agentnataliahofferson, @spider-babe, @justafangirlduh

#lost in rome #tom holland #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland fic #tom holland one shot #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #tom holland x y/n #tom holland imagine #tom holland drabble #tom holland spiderman

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fa-by · 3 years

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Hi babies and dear Anons 👋🏼🤗 Back with a new 'Q&A' post. Enjoy 🙃

Hello to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 and yes, I did. You can find it here, dear: https://fa-by.tumblr.com/post/648192029691691008/camren-timeline-tittle-edited.

Yes, I heard about that rumor, dear Anon, and veeery false.

I knoooow 😍😍😍 Let's cry in joy and queerness 🥺😭🌈🏳‍🌈

Yep, dear Anon. And unfortunately for us, they will continue to do so for a veeeery long time 😒🙄😔

No, dear Anon, I highly doubt it's another duet. They'd be really, but really stupid if they do 🤦🏻‍♀‍

No, dear Anon, these are just people who want attention. People who have problems in their lives and talk shit about others to feel better. This is just the work of those people who believe in black magic and want to involve as many people as possible to think like them, and if they fail, they attack you because you didn't agree with them and you didn't go to their side. They can get so desperate they even get to the point of, oh I don't know, since you've blocked them, sending an anonymous ask to your girlfriend with a death wish for you:

The funny thing for me besides thinking that maybe this person believes they're a witch and imagining them with a voodoo doll with a needle in my stomach, is that I was kind to them the first time 🤷🏻‍♀‍ I tried to make them reason, I really tried to meet them halfway, but sometimes that's not enough with people like that.

But anyway. My point is that no, management has nothing to do with it. Thank you for your ask, dear 🤗

It's okay, dear Anon, don't worry 😄 In last time’s ask you wanted my opinion on the song, right? Well, Not Killin' It Today simply talks about how not every day is a good day. It can happen to all of us not to feel 100%, and Mila says just that. For us girls it can happen even more during or just before the red sea period, if you know what I mean, and indeed, she herself sings “I'm PMSing” = PMS: premenstrual syndrome. If that's why, I think she wrote this song precisely around that period 🤣

Hello to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 Don't worry, dear, I can understand you, and if I hadn't, we would have found a way to do it. English is not my first language either.

1) Yes, I do think that.

2) (I knew all this) I know she did; she's been doing it for years if that's why because Taylor is one of Camila's mentors. Taylor is what can be defined as the celebrity master with PRs. She’s always done what she was asked to do and she’s always fulfilled her PRs duties of her contracts, and indeed, look where she is now, as well as being a great songwriter. So yeah, who better than her?

Hope you're great too, dear 🤗

Hello to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 I'm sorry I'm bad with general questions like this 😅 I'm so much better when I'm asked a more specific question, and usually, when I have something in mind, I write it and create a post with my opinion about it. I'm not kidding about how bad I am at this, believe me. It’s the same thing as when I get the typical “tell me something about yourself” phrase. It's like my brain suddenly switches off 😅🤣 Can you take a look at all my posts from my archive to see which ones I’ve already responded to and maybe come back with a question? I'm really sorry, dear 😖🥺

I'm sorry but Camila can't stop anything, dear Anon. Not Camila, not Roger, and not even Shoo. I understand your frustration, believe me, I do, but you, and anyone else to which this is still not clear, need to understand that it's a contract. A contract called a relationship contract, and it's a legally binding document. I know it's hard, but the advice I can give you is to ignore the 12-year-old SS and their fantasies, and wait for it to finish without wasting your energy on the bullshit they say. Don't let them get to you and unleash your anger. You make them win this way. Rather, have a laugh at their ignorance.

Hey dear Anon, I'm good, thanks, and I hope you're doing well too 😊 They broke up for a little while, for about a month before, so more than a breakup I would call it a little break. And to answer the rest of your questions, dear, I'll sum it all up by telling you that when they're not together, or they're on a break, they have a different way of acting than when they're together. And I speak in general. It shows in the way they behave in general. Now it's much harder to see since they're no longer in the group and you could clearly see when it happened, and it’s also hard since the pandemic, but there are patterns. I’ve spent so much time analyzing them that they're quite predictable in my eyes 🤣 Forgive me if I'm not going into details, but these are personal observations that not everyone can agree on, you know? Maybe I'll do it in the future, who knows 🤷🏻‍♀‍ We'll see 😉 Have a good day/night too 😄

Hello to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼 and thank you very much 😄 and yes, of course. To answer the rest of your questions, I'll summarize everything by telling you that you have to take into account that I entered the fandom at the Work from Home's time, so they were all just rumors to me initially. Camren themselves were just a rumor to me. I had to search, analyze, and find the proofs on my own to prove to myself which ones were true or not. The first example that comes to mind and that I can give you is the kiss in the van in London that I recently explained in my ‘Inauguration’ post.

I'm sorry you think this way, dear Anon. I honestly think she doesn't even know. She has said many times that she tries to stay away from social media, and I really believe that. She did it before already, but I'm convinced that she does that even more since she was going through that bad time and she was about to give it all up. Besides, it's known that she doesn't manage her accounts, just as it's known that she doesn't even control how they’re used I would say 90% of the time. I don't know if she'll find out and eventually will say something about it. We don't even know if she has the freedom to do so. So, I'm really sorry you're making a decision based on something she didn't do.

Hey to you too, dear Anon 😄 Yeah, it's nothing new. I'd already debunked the whole Laucy story with my very first post (https://fa-by.tumblr.com/post/648191757219250176/there-is-a-light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel), so as far as I'm concerned, she can say what she wants in future podcasts/interviews as well, but she'll never be able to convince me that she's not actually talking about Camila. This was simply a much more chill, fun, with no tears, and no mention of Camila repetition. The first podcast served to plant the seed. We know that Lucy is her main narrative and we know that she will continue to use her for a very long time. I mean, it’s convenient for her. It's the perfect cover for our Mila. But if people want to keep believing they (Laucy) were real, that's honestly their problem 🤣 Let them be convinced of their beliefs, dear, and have a laugh 😉

Hello to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 Here's the thing……… Yes, to everything you said 🤣 but let me explain why.

1&2) Yes, Laur is like ‘part’ of their contract but for simple narrative, as you yourself said too. If that's why, so are 5H and all the rest of the people who are or have been involved with them. I'll give you an example. You know the bullshit they said about the Austin Mahone tour? That Sunsilk was always isolated in his bus playing guitar? That no one spoke to him outside of Camila when there are actually plenty of videos showing him spending time with the rest of 5H and the other people on the tour too? Certainly none of those people can call him out on that bullshit today and say it wasn't true. They'd blow his cover. They'd make him not credible in the general public's eyes. So everyone needs to be quiet for what they know (that's how it works in that world for every damn thing), and that's Lauren's involvement in their PR. Be quiet. Be quiet and go along with the game. Just as Camila had to during hers with Tymbal.

3) They have to, dear, or all the farces told so far would go to shit for the GP too. 4) 100%, dear Anon, 100% 😏😉 but it must also be said that they'll remain connected forever anyway because of the group.

Hello to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 Welcome and thank you very much 🤗

1) Everything she's been doing lately leads us to think that the first single for the EP will arrive shortly. I think and hope it will arrive for the summer, but as far as the actual EP is concerned, it will depend on the release of the single. So if the single is out this summer, it's very likely that the EP will follow its course by arriving towards the beginning of autumn. We'll see, dear, we'll see 🤞🏼 🤞🏼 🤞🏼

2) I know that many people get upset and that they're disappointed, and while I too would like her to interact with us more, I also know and understand that it's not just up to her. Although she's much but much freer than before, she still has contracts, people, and patterns to follow.

Take it from someone who's waiting for Rihanna's new album for 5 years 😅🤣 It takes patience, and I have a lot of patience, dear. I fall into the category of those who don't mind waiting simply because I'll always support Lauren.

People forget this: we have to consider ourselves lucky that after what she went through, she decided to pursue with music.

If you love her, if you stan her, then be patient. Stay metaphorically speaking by her side no matter what. That’s what I think, dear Anon.

Do you mean the first breakup they had that lasted from late November 2014 to late December/very first days of January 2015, or do you mean the bad one that took place in October 2015? But in any case, both of your questions rejoin only one event, dear Anon: the real breakup of the group that happened in mid-October 2015. But answering you more specifically:

1) You can see with your own eyes the videos of the interviews of that period by starting with this one https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9WqOb9qBQ_M&t=11s.

2) Camila’s unofficial departure from the group at the time was the icing on the cake, but you have to consider a lot of things, dear. The fact that they were young. The fact that they were in the spotlight and were being monitored by both fans and management. The fact that they had those same people controlling them and telling them what to do all the time. The fact that they were constantly under pressure. The fact that they couldn't be together freely as a couple. The fact that they were forced to pretend they didn't love each other. The fact that they were forced to do PRs, despite being much lighter than now. I could go on with the list, dear Anon, but I think you get the point. It's a lot of stress and a lot to digest, especially considering how young they were and the environment around them.

Have a nice day too, dear 😄

Of course I can answer you, dear Anon 😊 So, in my opinion, and always keep in mind that I could be wrong, she told every person in her clique at different times. I think Mila knew about her attraction to girls back in school, but she didn't say anything to anyone because she didn't have a reason to. In the sense that she hasn't had the opportunity to approach another girl and therefore have a reason to tell someone about her queerness. After her first kiss with Lauren on New Year's Eve, I'm willing to bet that the first person she came out to was her mom. Camila's number one best friend is and always has been Sinu, so I can feel it in my bones that she was the first one to know. Oh and, we're in early 2013 here, so Mila was still 15.

After Sinu, there were the girls (DNA) who obviously lived their story with them step by step and therefore I don't think it was a real coming out with them, and her best friends back at home, Sandra and Marielle Guzman (and maybe also Mariana Luna since she was the other one with whom she was very close immediately after the two sisters, but I'm not very convinced of it), and Jenny Runza, who despite being a little younger than Sinu, Mila has always regarded as one of her best friends.

In 2014, when Camren were official, there were more confirmations that led to her automatic coming out with the rest of her clique's friends since the word Camren had already spread around like wildfire for almost two years by then.

At the beginning of 2015, it was the moment when Laur came out to her family, so I strongly believe that that was also Alejandro's moment, although I'm convinced that like the Jaureguis, Ale knew about his daughter all along and that he was even more convinced at X-Factor. Sofi was last on the list simply for a matter of age and I'm talking about 2017. I can't tell you when she told her grandpas. I don't even know if she could have told Norberto because I don't know the kind of relationship she has with him, but Mercedes? Well, abuelita certainly knew this before 2018 because I laugh when I think about the way she looked and talked with Mattress during their PR.

It's not that simple, dear Anon. You're not considering the fact that they didn't communicate during that time. You're dwelling on only one thing and are not looking at the big picture of their relationship at the time. Okay. Let's do something. Picture a scenario that has nothing to do with Camren.

Picture a couple living together. A couple who often quarrel over even the most trivial things or who don't talk at all because they almost avoid each other. Their relationship is very unstable and they're basically at the end of it. Now picture a conversation between this couple in which the only exchanges spoken in a normal way are by then just daily information such as: “I'll be at work from 8 to 4” - “Okay. Will you come home right after?” - “Yeah, I think so” - and then that person comes home at 6 pm despite the worried calls and messages received.

They're so distant that the person who came home late didn't feel compelled to pick up the phone and tell them about the delay. Probably that person didn't even feel compelled to give an explanation and justify the delay once they got home because they're convinced that their partner doesn't really care and that they're just looking for yet another excuse to argue. That person will have felt even more trapped and suffocated by their partner who was really worried instead, but neither of them tells the other the truth because they're too busy arguing and blaming each other instead of meeting each other halfway and really talking about what they feel and makes them vulnerable. They will surely end up in bed with their backs to each other without saying a word to each other after the fight.

Now look at these phrases from the song itself and put Camren's faces in place of the couple in the example: “With no confrontation, I really wish we could talk about it instead” – “All I need from your side is for you to communicate”. Is it easier for you to understand the dynamic now, dear?

Hello to you too @camilalauren0327 👋🏼😄 [why can't I ever tag you in posts?]

No, no, no, dear. None of this happens. So. I'd like to start by saying that OCD begins when people misunderstand their own thoughts. We've all had unwelcome and intrusive thoughts at least once in our lives, right? Well, the importance of those thoughts becomes much more intense or sometimes even extreme for people with obsessive-compulsive disorder. Like, I'll give you a stupid example, okay?

Most of the time I park, I lock the car, and after I’ve taken a couple of steps, I ask myself: “Ma ho chiuso la macchina?” / “Did I lock the car?”. So, I turn around and lock it again with the keys' remote control even though I've already done it, but I do that anyway to be sure and because maybe I really didn't do it because it happened for real. Now. What would a person with OCD do? Most likely they would do like me, and after getting halfway, they would go back again to close it AGAIN. They would do it a couple of times, and most likely, they would do it a third time after they got home. They would leave the house to go lock the car they've already locked five times.

OCD can begin in adolescence, early adulthood, or even childhood. The onset of obsessive-compulsive disorder is typically gradual, but in some cases, it can begin suddenly. Symptoms vary in severity from time to time and this variation may be related to the occurrence of stressful events. Now. Doesn't all this rings a bell for you? No? Okay, let me explain. I'll copy a piece of my ‘Camren Timeline (Tittle edited)’ post for you: “Camila suffers from one of the variants of OCD since she was 8, and despite seeing a therapist since 2013, her OCD was diagnosed at the end of 2015. C also suffers from anxiety, panic attacks, mood disorders, and depression (all linked to her OCD).”

Why did she start suffering from it at the age of 8? Because little Mila moved back and forth between Havana and Mexico City until she was 5, almost 6, right? After that, she moved to Miami with her mom by leaving behind her family, her friends, basically everything she knew, and her dad. Her dad finally managed to rejoin them almost two years later when she was almost 8 years old. Although she had her family with her again, her little mind didn't relax. It didn’t bring peace to her. In fact, that sprang her first OCD symptoms, which gradually worsened and then fully erupted years later in the group.

What triggers OCD? Stressful life events.

Got it now? Were you able to put the pieces together, dear? I've also answered other questions on the same topic here if it may interest you: https://fa-by.tumblr.com/post/648194918161989633/%C9%9F.

Hello to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 Don't worry, nobody’s asked me to do it yet.

So, as I think we all know, The Boy was originally titled Care About Me. Ed Sheeran wrote it and gave it to Mila for her self-titled album Camila. Mila almost completely rewrote it (Ed said 90% of it) and lastly discarded it because it didn't fit well with the rest of the songs on the album, and I totally understand that.

Intro:

“Yeah, he's messed up a couple times

But he's my glass of cherry wine

And I drink and I drink 'til I'm drunk off of him

I'm in love

(Ash:) He just hit me up to come over

He said what?”

So. The song begins with Mila trying to justify the boy by saying that even though he made mistakes, she's so into him to get past it. I know she used terms like drunk off of him and in love, but she doesn't mean that she's actually in love with him in this case. Just very into him. She's jokingly explaining the situation because she's talking to Ashlee, her friend, and I don't know about you, but my friends and I often use the term in love to make people laugh and to indicate interest in someone.

Like if we see someone for the first time and they're really hot, or if one of the celebrities we like posts like a selfie, we say “I'm in love”. Or, like, another kind of example: one of my best friends has been dating this guy for a few months, and last week he surprised her with some flowers (which he paid very much by the way) and with dinner just because. Hearing her happiness since she has always had only assholes so far, when she finished telling me everything, I made fun of her by laughing and saying: “Lost in love, huh?”. Not because she's actually in love with him, but because it was such a nice thing and she's into him.

So Mila used those phrases to indicate how much she liked him and not because she was actually in love. Also because if she had really been in love with him, she wouldn't have said she didn't care about him for the rest of the song.

Then ‘Ash’ receives the text, and this leads us to understand that the boy is a player and a cheater.

Verse 1:

“Momma said, ‘Always be kind, girl’ (Girl, what's on your mind?)

But I got something I should say (Say it, girl), uh

Boy, I'm sick and done and tired (There's something on my mind)

I'm not yours to manipulate, uh-huh (Tell him girl, tell hi)”

It explains itself quite well. She can't take it anymore.

Pre-Chorus:

“Oh boy, hold your tongue, I don't want no 'pology

‘Cause we both know you're thinking wit' was under your jeans”

Mila tells him not to waste his breath on justifications derived from his member because she doesn't need them. Tsk, Tsk. Typical male behavior. 80% of their thoughts are formulated based on how and where to put their tool in 🙄

“Sent your friends over to tell them you're missing me”

He even sends his friends to her to try to change her mind, but:

“But I don't care, so tell that boy that I am fine”

But she doesn't care. She doesn't care because she's fine this way. In fact, she's better off without him.

Chorus:

“I don't care about the day he decided to leave

I won't be there when he tells another lie so”

This makes us understand how many times she's had to forgive his bullshit.

“I'm gon' use all of my words for weapons”

We know how lethal words can be.

“'Cause the boy don't care about me, lemme say it again, now, babe

I don't care about the way he thinks it's so sweet (Ah)

All that sugar cone gon' be bad for me tomorrow (Ah)”

He can try to kiss her ass as much as he wants, but she won't change her mind. Talking sweet to try to win her back doesn't work because she doesn't want to deal with a player who lies to her and messes up every time.

“I'm gon' use all of my words for weapons

'Cause the boy don't care about me”

He doesn't really care about her, so it's even useless to her that he tries to fix it.

Verse 2:

“All my girls inside the place now (Say we don't need no man)

No wonder we switch sides sometimes (We got this)”

Camilita, Camilita, Camilita 😏 No wonder many girls prefer other girls, huh?

Switching sides can mean switching sides in the true sense of the word, that is for example going from one side of a room to the other. It can mean changing your mind about something or someone. And, most interesting of all in this case, it can mean switching sides in sexual orientation.

I've said many times that she's a fucking genius, and we know how sneaky she is with her songs. She was really smart at using this hidden meaning because a lot of people took it for granted that she meant the meaning of changing her mind since we girls have this nomination about often changing our minds about something.

“Wipe that good look off your face (Say we got better plans)

Ooh, you better not act surprised (For real)”

Exactly. What would be the point? A lot of guys do that 🙄

Bridge:

“Oh, oh, don't care about me

That's fine with me, babe

You don't care about me

And that's fine with me

Fine with me, fine with me (Don't care about)

It is what I need, oh (That's fine with)

Don't care about, care about

Care about, care about me, oh”

She's fine with it simply because she doesn't care about him either.

Outro:

(Ash:) “Girl, that's old, we're done with that”

Yep. She's definitely done with that/him.

And this is my interpretation, dear Anon 😄 In my opinion, if this song really ended up on the self-titled, it would've been used to give yet another proof of her light, old PR with Michael. People were supposed to remember her last, sure, Jan, flame before meeting the love guru Matrix. It was supposed to be like: “Hey, hey, guys, I'm straight, look! I was with a boy and now with another grandpa one!”.

It's just a different version of the Cinderella song for me: she doesn't need a guy in her life. Don't wrap your head around it too much, dear Anon. There's no deep meaning behind it at all. After all, this song was given to her by her idol, and she certainly couldn't refuse. She changed it in a sassy and fun way, she saw that she couldn't fit it with the others because it wouldn't have made sense, and she then discarded it. The end. She was like: it was funny, but I actually have a story to tell. Bye-bye.

Have a good day too, dear ❤️

Hello to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 and yes of course I can do both, but for what purpose am I supposed to do All Again? I mean, I can give you my interpretation of that song without any problem, but it wasn't written by them. By none of them five. That's why I'm asking you for what purpose am I supposed to do that. And that should answer your second question as well. Like No Way and many other songs, the girls may have related to them, but they didn't write them. The only songs they wrote, and not alone but with other songwriters, are:

- Me & My Girls, Don't Wanna Dance Alone, and Who Are You for Better Together,

- All in My Head (Flex) for 7/27,

- and for the self-titled album we have Sauced Up: Arlen (+ other songwriters), Make You Mad: Normally (+ other songwriters), Lonely Night: Norminah (+ other songwriters), Messy: Normally (+ other songwriters), and Bridget: Alren (+ other songwriters).

It's like you ask me to give you my interpretation on for example Who Are You. I could do it without a problem, but that song was written by 8 different heads. With the exception of the bridge that we know Lauren wrote, I can't tell you who among Camila, Dinah, Normani, Ally, Julian Bunetta, PJ Bianco, and Nasri Atweh wrote which part. Analyzing a song sung by a single artist/songwriter is completely different because the idea and concept and feelings are based on a single person. The songwriters who co-write the song together with the artist adapt to them, or maybe the idea comes to one of them, but they modify the concept together with the artist based on their personal experience, as happened for example with Consequences.

Now that you know all this, do you still want me to analyze All Again? Let me know 😄

Let's move on to More Than That.

Lauren wrote four songs in 2016, two of them were meant to be for someone else, but one of them, as we all know well, she kept it to herself. She decided to keep More Than That to herself once she modified the original lyrics along with Prince Charlez and SoundzFire, aka Hue Wayne Strother.

Intro:

“M-M-M-Murda”

This small part of the initial effect intro we hear, is simply a shoutout to Murda Beatz, one of the two producers of the song.

Verse 1:

“I see you watching so I walked into your stare

'Cause I ain't in the position to be walking over there”

She's not in the position to go there simply because she's taken, but she likes to be watched. She likes the attention she's receiving, so she puts herself in plain sight so that this person can keep looking at her.

“I got a situation, I can tell you wanna know”

This guy must have wondered: ‘Why if she's looking back at me, then she won't approach me? Is she someone who likes playing hard to get? Is she a teasing sort? Is she waiting for me to go to her? Or maybe she's in a relationship?’ Typical questions you ask yourself in that situation, and Laur summarized them all in one simple sentence.

“How you can take an honest girl and turn her to a …

If I'ma take a gamble, then you better come correct

I need more than them diamonds that you got around your neck

Shit, anybody can flex, my baby do it best

If you come with somethin' better, then we might just take it there”

The stare, the fact that this guy has the money (diamond necklace), the physical appearance, are not enough for her to push her to cheat. Because if she has to take the risk of cheating, these are certainly not the things that would drive her to do it, but she could if he had something better to offer her. [And with that, please keep in mind that Lauren is a very loyal person and that she wouldn't have done it even if this guy had gone with something better]

Pre-Chrous:

“I know I ain't right for tempting you

But I just wanna see what you would do

If I gave you a taste of what I do

Just remember that I don't belong to you”

The fact that she returned his gaze, that she spoke to him and gave him just a little taste, doesn't mean that she’s no longer taken. As I said before, she likes the attention, and although she knows that it's wrong to instigate him, she does it anyway because she's playing with him. “It's kind of more like clowning him” as she said herself.

Chrous:

“You gon' have to come stronger than this liquor

Wanna take me home, better be more convincing

It'll take more than that to get to me

More than that to get your way

Boy, you better come stronger than this liquor

Wanna take me home, better be more convincing

It'll take more than that to get to me

More than that to get your way

I'm stronger than this liquor”

During the approach in which the guy tried to ‘take her home’ for the night, Lauren easily manages to reject him despite being drunk, because her loyalty is stronger than the attraction she may have felt for him and certainly stronger than what she was drinking.

Verse 2:

“If my man notice, there’ll be some issues”

🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣

I'm sorry but every time I listen to this part I can literally picture Camila turning into the Incredible Hulk as we've seen many times. And shit, despite her being tiny, Mila can be scary when she's pissed off.

“But take my number down, I just might hit you

No, I'm just playing, I'm so deep in love

But the way you talkin' might just have me actin' up”

Drunken thoughts mixed with attraction/arousal blocked by common sense and loyalty.

“The way you looking at me, boy, I know what's up

I can feel how you feel without even a touch”

Let's not fool ourselves, guys. You too will have felt when a person is ready to jump your bones. To feel it in the air. To perceive it from the way they look at you, talk to you, and yes, even using excuses to innocently touch for example your arm even if the intentions are far from innocent. These kinds of things, whether you're in a relationship or not, whether you're loyal or not, and especially if you're attracted to the person in question, make you feel appreciated. They make you feel good. But:

“But don't think that's gon' make me give it up

Boy, your time is up”

But that doesn't mean, however, that you take action on it. It doesn't mean you give in to temptation. It was nice, but no thanks. Bye-bye.

Outro:

“It'll take more”

It takes more than good looks, money, and fake, shiny people from L.A.

And that's it, dear Anon 🙃 This is just a funny song about a situation that happened in a club, in which Lauren shows her flirtatious side but also her loyal side. It wasn't that good for her image, but I have an explanation for that as well.

Remember how I initially said that Lauren wrote this song to give it to someone else and then decided to keep it for herself after modifying the original lyrics? Well, in my opinion, she ‘decided to keep it’ and was even chosen as a single, simply for the narrative. It was chosen to go along with the fake love square cheating bullshit [Lauren and Ty who cheated on Lucy and Alycia to be together]. People should have believed even more that Lauren was a person capable of cheating, and this song served the purpose.

🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍

Aaand I'm done 😜 I hope I was helpful in this case too 😄 Thank you all for your asks and as usual, know that I'm available for those who have questions, so feel free to ask 😊

Always remember to be kind, to others and to yourselves. Be a good example. Be patient. Be safe and take care of yourselves. Don't let our ship sink. Keep shipping them, but please respectfully 🙏🏼 Sending you virtual love and hugs 🤗🤗🤗 I love you, babies. Always with love, F ❤️

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faithinthefuture28 · 4 years

Text

Larry songs timeline & what it tells us about the evolution of their relationship

**These are all just my interpretations but the more I listen to the music they wrote, the more it all fits together. ESPECIALLY BECAUSE THROUGHOUT THE YEARS THEY’VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT WRITING “AUTOBIOGRAPHICALLY” AND “FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE”

I deffo missed some songs but these stood out to me:

2013

L-Strong: Love isn’t easy (waves trying to break it) but what we have means something and it’s worth fighting for. read: love is only for the brave (Think of how much love that’s been wasted...there’s nothing i’m running from...i don’t care, I’m not scared of love) And we bring out the best in each other so lets not throw this away (i’d do anything to save it...when i’m not with you i’m weaker).

H-Happily: I want to fight for us too bc we’re on fire and our love is powerful af. ik we have to do stunts and stuff (and if (s)he feels my traces in your hair, sorry love but I don’t really care) but what we have is insane and fuck everyone else bc you’re MINE and i’m YOURS at the end of the day (i wanna be the one who holds you when you sleep). Together, we’re magic so just be with me so happily

H-Something Great: ****this song is very straightforward so i won’t explain it much***** (i want you here with me like how i pictured it so i dont have to keep imagining... We’re better off together here tonight). Written as a longing for what could be if they dont have to suppress the relationship. (script was written...want to rip it all to shreds) Louis’ response (you’re all I want so much it’s hurting) basically says “it’s not too much to ask babe, i want it too.” This has the kind of longing that ‘wouldn’t it be nice- beach boys’ which Harry has admitted is kind of a theme song.

L-Through the Dark: I know all this bs we’re going through is taking a toll on you and hurts you and i hate seeing you upset (you tell me that your sad...you tell me that you’re hurt and youre in pain and i can see your head is held in shame...i just wanna see you smile again) but I will do everything physically possible to protect you from any pain bb (i’d never let you fall and break your heart, if u wanna cry or fall apart, i’ll be there to hold ya). We’re going through this together and I will take on any responsibility needed to keep you happy. I’M WILLING TO GO THROUGH HELL TO FIGHT FOR US HARRY LOVE (entire chorus basically).

L-Better than Words: holy fuck our love is amazing can’t even describe it can i just sing to you foreva love u babycakes

L-Why don’t we go there: what if...we just forgot about the world and escaped and enjoyed each others love and rode the high??? Also sex

2014

L-Ready to Run: *******Followup to Why Don’t We Go There*********** But this time let’s escape for real bc (there’s me inside a sinking boat running out of time). Like i’m ready to get out of here and it could just be us living happily ever after (this time i’m ready to run). Honestly nothing else makes sense (without you i’ll never make it out alive...wherever you are is the place i belong). I know what i want out of life and IT’S YOU HARREH (i want to be free and i wanna be yours, i will never look back).

L-Steal My Girl: all u thirsty hoes find someone else bc Harry is MY pretty princess. Srsly ask his family. But you can still admire how he looks in those jeans. We all do. You know the ones

L-No Control: boy u fine, let’s do what lovers do IN THE MORNING. bc we can. also you own me and i am urs

L-Clouds: WE KNEW THIS WAS GONNA BE HARD SO WHY ARE YOU BEING A LITTLE BITCH (you dont like it complicated...but love is never ever simple...you are tired of all the changes, but love is always always changing). We could be great yo, just keep fighting (if we’re never coming back down, we’ll looking down on the clouds...we go and we go and we dont stop)

H-Where do Broken Hearts Go: IM SORRY LOU BABY YOURE EVERYTHING (rest of my crimes dont come close the look on your face when i let you go... the taste of your lips...is at the top of the list of things i want). H&L’s call and response at the end is basically forgiveness and acknowledgment (come on baby come and get me out, come on baby cuz i need you now)

H-Two Ghosts: *****was written around this time according to Harry******. This is fucking hard yo. We’re drained and exhausted and idk how much more we can fight for this... (it’s not you and it’s not me...sounds like something that i used to feel). That infatuation and electricity and hope that fueled our younger selves isn’t really there anymore and i’m just tired man (we’re just two ghosts swimming in a glass half empty, trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat, we’re not who we used to be...this was all we used to need). We’re empty vessels going through the motions (same eyes blue, couple more tattoos). AND WE AREN’T FUCKING COMMUNICATING (we dont say what we really mean).

2015

H&L-Perfect: so what if... we get rid of the pressure of forever? What if we just have fun doing the stupid shit we love and makes us feel alive (trouble up in hotel rooms, secret little rendezvous, things you know that we shouldn’t do). Like we won’t be out of each others’ lives, I’m still around and we can find comfort in each other and even mess around here and there (I can be the one you love from time to time). Remember how we used to be young and EXCITED (when i first saw you from across the room, i could tell that you were curious) let’s get that energy back without the responsiblity of an adult relationship. And we can keep making art lmao (if youre looking for someone to write your breakup songs about).

L-Long Way Down *****this song fkn hurts man. It’s overlooked a lot but shows so much insight**** We were...everything. And maybe that’s the problem? We’ve been through so fucking much, more than anyone our age should have to endure. (We've been in fire, Went down in the flames. We sailed the ocean And drowned in the waves. Built a cathedral But we never prayed) We didn’t know what we had. We were damn kids man. We weren’t prepared for all this. We didn’t know how powerful this would be. We didn’t know what it required of us. (We had a mountain But took it for granted. We had it all yeah. Who could’ve planned it). We didn’t know what to do with it, how to deal with it, so here we are. (We had a spaceship But we couldn't land it) We’re each other’s everything, but we can’t keep going on like this babe. (We found an island But we got stranded). I don’t want to leave you but being together is breaking us down. (Point of no return and now It's just too late to turn around) We thought we were untouchable. That love conquers all. Maybe, we were wrong. This is gonna hurt like a bitch (We built it up so high and now I'm fallin', it’s a long way down)

H-Olivia: I LIVE FOR YOU, I LONG FOR YOU, I LOVE YA. And i think i’ll always love ya. And I’m scared...of life without you (i get the feeling you’re walking out, time is irrelevant when i’ve not been seeing you, the consequences are falling now, there’s something i’m having nightmares about...dont let me go). But maybe just maybe thats okay, because you’re AIMH (you live in my imagination...i love you, it’s all i do).

L-Love you Goodbye: I fucking love you and I’ll always fucking love you but i think this is the right thing to do even though it feels so wrong (i know there’s nothing i can do to change it, but is there something that can be negotiated?) We made some goddamn fireworks together though (unforgettable together held the whole world in our hands) and do ya maybe think...we can make them just once more? (if tomorrow you wont be mine, let me give it to you one last time, baby let me love you goodbye...one more taste of your lips just to bring me back to the places we’ve been and the nights we’ve had because if this is it, then at least we could end it riiiiight). ********in the interview with our FAVE Gwen Garcia, she asked if it’s better to say goodbye and end a relationship that’s not feeling right or keep trying even if your heart’s not in it. Harry responds with “I think it’s better to say goodbye...but sometimes if youre trying to protect..” Then Louis cuts him off and says “you’re going deep aren’t you”, brushing the question off as a joke but imho i think there was pain in that answer. Then Harry continues “if you’re not 100% in it, I think it’s better for both parties if you say goodbye”. And Louis adds a “yeah” at the end.********

H-Walking in the Wind: I know this is scary but i think we can do it, (you said to me do you believe i’ll be too far? if youre lost just look for me you’ll find me) I think because youre AIMH and i’m always in yours, it’ll be good for us. And look at us being mature, we’re killing it babe. We can live our separate lives and grow on our own. We dont need to make it messy and hurtful. We’re on the same page. (the fact that we can sit right here and say goodbye means we’ve already won. A necessity for apologies between you and me, baby there is none). At this point, we’re kinda part of each other right? So it’s healthy for us to be apart for a bit. (it’s not the end, i’ll see your face again... i know we’ll be alright...just close your eyes and see i’ll be by your side any time you need me). And you’ve helped me grow into the person I am, and I you, so that’s cool as hell, right? (you will find me in places that we’ve never been). We had a TON of fun (we had some good times didnt we) so i feel okay that we’re doing this (goodbyes are bittersweet) and starting the next adventure in our lives.

H-If I could fly: I. am. yours. Louis. William. Tomlinson. (for your eyes only, i’ll show you my heart). Maybe this growth thing isn’t worth it, let me prove to you how much you mean to me (i think i might give up everything just ask me to). This is gonna be hard as shit because i’m so dependent on you (i’m missing half of me when we’re apart). I’m being honest and I’m being scared and I’m being vulnerable because I can’t lie to you and pretend I’m strong (i let my guard down, right now i’m completely defenseless). But we’re part of each other, right? (i could feel your heart inside of mine). I’ll always be here for you Lou (for when you’re lonely and forget who you are) even if for now we can’t physically be together.

L-Home: I’ve tried, Harry. I’ve tried to play pretend (told myself i kind of like her but there was something missin in her eyes). But i was lost (i was stumblin, lookin in the dark with an empty heart) because none of it was enough, none of it was YOU (it was there i sawr it in your eyes). And then i met you and you felt the same and we’re both lost souls playing pretend who found magic in each other (but you say you feel the same, could we ever be enough?) Is our love enough to overcome everything? Maybe we can be enough. Maybe I can make this enough, let me try to make it enough for you. And if we go our separate ways, know that I’m here for you no matter what. I won’t let you be lost again. (When you’re lost I’ll find a way and I’ll be your light, you will never feel like you’re alone, I’ll make this feel like home). So go. wander. find yourself. Then when you’re ready, come home.

2016-2017

H- Sweet Creature: ***Harry admit that this was the first song he wrote for the album**** We aren’t in the best place rn. We’ve been fighting (had another talk about where it’s going wrong...it’s hard when we argue, we’re both stubborn). But it’s you Louis. It can’t be anyone else. (don’t know where we’re going but we know where we belong... wherever I go, you bring me home). That’s not even a question. I’m still trying to figure out who I am, but the one thing I know is that a large part of who I am is you (we started 2 hearts in one home). And aint no way I’m losing that part of myself (when i run out of road, you bring me home). It was always you.

H-MMITH: Whenever you’re ready, I’m ready (just let me know i’ll be at the door, hoping you’ll come around). I know I need to work on myself a little more (i gotta get better, and maybe we’ll work it out) but honestly i’m getting impatient and i want things to go back to how they were and i want to be yours again (once you go without it, nothing else would do). But I can’t communicate this to you clearly so let me just put this in a song and hope you get it (we dont talk about it, it’s something we dont do) ****Harry mentioned in an interview that he expresses himself through songwriting when he can’t say the words directly to a person because it’s easier to just write it in a song than have difficult conversations*****

H-ESNY: ****honestly no idea what this song is about but it’s something to do with them fighting and not communicating and being in a weird place before their relationship is rekindled******* edit: this could be about his stepdad

H-FTDT: I MISS YOU AND I’M TOO FULL OF PRIDE TO TELL YOU DIRECTLY JUST COME BACK INTO LIFE LOU I’M LONELY AND SAD AND EMPTY AND IM NOT FUCKING FINDING MYSELF LIKE YOU SAID I WOULD (woke up alone, played with myself where were you...we havent spoke since you went away, why wont you ever say what you wanna say) So until then I sit and wait for your sorry ass to make the first move (maybe one day you’ll call me and tell me that you’re sorry too...but you never do). Also like i have to hear from other people how you are?? (i saw your friend that you know from work, he said that you feel just fine) ANd you’re sharing OUR clothes with people?? wtf just swallow your pride and call me

L-Miss You: OKAY BUT I CANT JUST CALL YOU BECAUSE I HAVE PRIDE TOO also my mates are trying to make me get over you (now i’m asking my friends how to say I’m sorry, they say lad give it ttime there’s no need to worry, and we can’t even be on the phone now). So i’m just numbing your absence with partying and drinks but CLEARLY ITS NOT WORKING (should be laughing but there’s something wrong...shit maybe i miss you...when i feel it coming up i just throw it all away, get another few shots cuz it doesn’t matter anyway...such a good time, i’ll believe it this time). This is weird bc like you were my everything but im trying to get used to this and it fucking sux (oh how shit changes, we were in love, now we’re strangers). And tbh, its scary af bc what if this is it (i’m asking myself, is it over?). BUT ALSO LIKE WTF U COULD REACH OUT FIRST YA KNOW (i’ve been checking my phone all evening).

H-Anna: wtf Louis how do you not see how much this is killing me. I miss you so much and seeing you on tv or in pics drives me wild bc you’re not mine. (I don’t want your sympathy but you don’t know what you do to me...everytime I see your face there’s only so much I can take...I guess it would be nice if I can touch your body). And idk if you’re replacing me (don’t know where you’re laying, just know it’s not with me) and we’re in SUCH a weird place rn how do I tell u you’re the loml (don’t know what I’d say if I passed you on the street...don’t know what I’d tell you if you asked me for the truth) so I refuse to put this song on the album and let you know this and give you satisfaction from knowing how gone I still am for you bc I have 0 idea how you feel (hope you never see this and know that it’s for you)

L-Always You: SO THIS IS ME SWALLOWING MY PRIDE STANDING IN FRONT OF YOU SAYING IM SORRY FOR THAT NIGHT... ok but fr i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u and nothing else compares like i can travel the whole world and all i think about is how much more fun it was with you and the memories we shared and i wish i could just say thx fr th mmrs and move on but actually no thx actually fuck you for making me not able to enjoy my life without you. So like...come home? and wrap your legs around me? also lmao i took El to a gay bar in amsterdam for her bday lmao i miss u come cuddle me and i’ll tell you all about it

L-We Made It: looks like we made it, look how far we’ve come my baby. They saidd I bett they’ll never make it, but just look at us holding onn, we’re still togetherr, still going stronggg. Also to the fans, miss our single bed and the nights we talked about our dreams :-* also Andrew my man luv u

2018-2019

L-KMM: our love was youthful and exhilarating and fucking electric and i think it still can be. dont know what i’d do without you now H

L-DLIBYH: We’re strong babe and we’ve grown and we aren’t gonna let life drag us down. I’m doing better, you’re doing better, this is what we wanted. And now any shit we go through, we’ll go through TOGETHER

L-Too Young: Okay but looking back, that was a lot of shit we went through and we were just babies and i’m sorry for not fighting harder (i cant believe i gave in to the pressure when they said a love like this would never last so i cut you off cuz i didnt know no better) baby i tried, i tried to protect you but like it was just so much and i hate that you got hurt and i wont ever let that happen again. ALso go us for being mature and COMMUNICATING (face to face at the kitchen table, we can finally have a conversation that I wish we could’ve had before). ANd i know you’re an arrogant son of a bitch who can’t admit when he’s sorry so here let ME say i’m sorry that i hurt you darling. Like we were too young to know we had everything BUT now we’re old(er) and can realize that when we’re together, we DO have everything now and omg is this our happily ever after and we can have a daughter and name her Darcy

L-Habit: do i need to spell it out for you iiiiii aaaaaaaaammmmmmm sssssssoooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyy. But tbh i let you go because it felt right because mentally you were already out the door and i needed to give you room to grow babe. And i needed the space too (you gave me the time and the space i was out of control and i’m sorry i let you down). but like also i’ve learned i can’t escape you Styles. You’re always in my fucking heart and my fucking mind and in every essence of my being and somehow I knew that 9 years ago and it took me this long to realize how powerful this really is (guess that that i know what i already knew, i was better with you and i miss you now). Ooooh also my favorite line i wrote (took some time cuz i ran out of energy of playing someone I heard I’m supposed to be and honestly i dont have to choose anymore) like who am i kidding, im done pretending i just wanna be yoursss now

L-Defenseless: I can’t help it okay theres something about you that doesn’t let me stay away. I need you and I know that rekindling this relationship isn’t going to be easy even though it feels so so right. It’s going to be hard work (sleeping on our problems but we’ll solved them in our dreams, wake up early morning and it’s still under the sheets) and we need to communicate and solve our problems but here I am, raw and unfiltered and emotionally naked in front of you ready to lay it all on the table (not sure how to say this right, got so much to lose. NEver been so defenseless). So like this branch I’m reach out to you and you be honest with me too babe (you dont have to keep on being strong for me and you. Acting like you feel no pain, you know i know you do...I can’t get inside, when you’re lost in your pride but you don’t have a thing to prove). Be open with me. Lets talk. Let’s solve problems. Lets have an adult relationship. I’m asking for a little vulnerabiltiy babe. It’s just me. Theres nothing to be scared of

L-Walls: And here you have me in my purest form. No lies, no secrets, no insecurities to hide behind. Losing you was fucking painful but i got through it. I’ve been through hell and back and I’ve fought. And without you, I grew into the person I am. And any further growing i’m doing is gonna be with you. bc it was all for you babe. and honestly i can take anything life throws at me now. I’m strong baby. I’m fucking strong and fucking brave and fucking resilient and...fucking yours. ***** wtf is the I just hope i see you one day and you’ll say to me oh oh********

H-Golden: You are the literal sun and I’m not ready. YOU’RE SUCH A GOOD PERSON (you were way too bright for me, i’m hopeless, broken, so you wait for me in the sky). I’m scared to go through this alone, I need your comfort and your guidance (i can feel you take control of who i am and all i’ve ever known). But you’re scared to go through this with me bc you dont wanna get hurt and i’m too open so where tf does that leave us. ******this could be about coming out especially with the London AND NY secret shows where Harry added the lyric I’m hoping someday you’ll open*******

H-Adore You: You dont have to say you love me, you dont have to say nothing, you dont have to say you’re mine. I’d walk through fire for you. Just let me adore Lou. Like its the only thing I’ll ever do. read: Louis is a great person to just admire what he’s like. ALso I dont need anything back. I just dont want to hide my love for you anymore. I don’t need answers or promises. Just let me adore you. ********the music video is also basically a Louis appreciation post. He was the boy with the smile that the world took away from him. He found Harry lost and loved him and nurtured him and made him confident and allowed him to be who he wanted to be. But in doing so, Harry became big and unsatisfied and wanted to explore the world and was clearly interested in Hollywood and Rockstardom especially evident in his behavior 2014-2015. And Louis wasn’t about that life and didn’t want to hold him back. So he let him free. But they realized that they don’t work apart. Wherever they’re going, they’re going together, as the boy sails into the unknown following the fish. I see it as Harry’s version of “this one is a thank you for what you did for me” ************* I see it, I appreciate it, and I love you for it

H-Lights Up: ****fight with Louis. (What do you mean I’m sorry by the way) About coming out? About fame? (Step into the light, so bright sometimes) Either way, L is the guy driving the motorcycle in the video who makes H feel comfortable and safe until they get pulled over because SOMEONE wont let them love*******

H-Falling: What if i’m out, what if i’m someone you won’t talk about? Okay maybe I lied I do want you to claim me. Would me coming out of the closet make that hard for you? I CAN’T GO THROUGH AN IDENTITY CRISIS WITHOUT YOU LOU. I picked someone supportive and now I’m spoiled and I dont know how to be with myself. You want back in my life but what if I dont deserve it? (you said you cared and you missed me too...what i’m someone i dont want around). What if you’re better off without me? (i get the feeling that you’ll never need me again). I know youve been through so much shit because of me, things you’ve never even told me about and im afraid...that I wasn’t worth it. Am I being selfish? because either way, i want YOU (what if you’re someone i just want around). Does that make me a bad person?

H-TBSL: ****Probably when they starting talking again but it was v casual and they didn’t really discuss their relationship yet*****. I MISS U BUT I WONT TELL U THAT and its nice to talk to u again i missed your voice but if u call me baby i will kill u bc that word has weight OKAY. Like i know you just call everyone babe and darling and sweetheart but baby is FOR ME and only for me when you wake up with me and cuddle me and if you think you have any right calling me baby without giving the luxury of being in a relationship with you then piss off because that shit hurts dude. (i know that you’re trying to be friends, know that you mean it...it’s hard for me to go home to be so lonely). ALso it’s not my fault i’m like this, you literally captured my heart when i was 16 like wtf do u expect (dont blame me for falling, i was just a little boy)

H-Sunflower Vol. 6: we were babies and i was so enamored by you and you’re so bright and beautiful and i want to watch you all day and make you smile and i want you to touch my hair and call me curly and i hope im not making you uncomfortable with my heart eyes but like how are you so perfect. I hope you think i’m cool, i’m really trying but like you’re SO FUNNY and charming and everyone loves you i hope im not embarassing myself. And now it’s like 8 years later and i think i can have you again and i want you so bad but i dont wanna seem too eager and im trying to have dignity and not text you first but like also i want nothing more than to talk to you. Do you think i’m cool now? did you like my new hairstyle? Do you think i’m funny on tour? I want everything i want to be domestic again and kiss in the kitchen and i want to cook for you and as;ldfa;sdhaf i want to buy you flowers everyday and shower ur cute face with kiss. boopx28

H-Canyon Moon: Hell yea i got ma man back and i have a girlfriend named Jennifer ;) and we are domestic and even though I HATE being away from him for work (so hard to leave it) we have the 2 week rule yall then i can wrap my legs around him and after so so so long I’ll be h.o.m.e. Also did i tell you his eyes are so so blue like sky who i dont know her

H-TPWK: So we’re really doing this. We don’t need to have it all figured out. We can just be us. and happy. and dance. The world loves us babe. (Giving second chances, I don’t need all the answers and if we’re here long enough we’ll see it’s all for us and we’ll belong)

H-Fine Line: You’ve got my devotion but man I can hate you sometimes....We’ll be a fine line. Between what? love and hate? public and private? out and in the closet? each others’ and ourselves? Idk. But i’m going to swallow my pride (my hands at risk I fold) because no matter what, the worst possible outcome is not having you. And I never wanna go through that again. I know we have work to do on our relationship (spreading you open is the only way I know you). And there’s lot of unknown here (there’s things that we’ll never know) but what i do know is that i cant resist you (you sunshine you temptress) and i cant be without you ever again. I think it’ll be hard as hell. But when have we known love as anything but hard? And when have we known our love as anything but worth it? We’ll be a fine line baby. But i know, i knowww with every part of me that we’ll be alright. Because these past 10 years, we’ve been through A LOT. ANd it could have ruined us and made us cynical and cold and closed off. And I think at one point it did. But you know what we did? We fought it. We fought it together. Then we fought it individually. And we became BRAVE. And a brilliant man once said, “love is only for the brave”.

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renjunfromthestars · 4 years

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more than

Pairing: Mark + reader, Bestfriend! Mark, Childhood friend!Mark

Genre: Fluff, angst, honestly a little bit of crack LOL

Song recs: Best friend + Untitled + Waiting Room (Rex Orange County), Sofia (Clario)

Warnings: Mild swearing and mentions of alcohol

Word Count: 7.0k (my longest fic yet, wow!)

Summary: You’ve known Mark for all your life, and it only takes one drunken night (plus a little intervention with Haehcan) to think that you wouldn’t mind getting to know him a little better...

Notes: The fact that I actually had the patience to sit down and to write something above 3k words,,,,absolutely astounding, amazing, unique, never been seen before…. Mark is a little awk and always works so hard (poor bby), so imagining him as a super stressed pre-med major and oblivious best friend absolutely wrecks me thank you goodbye

----

When you first meet Mark, you’re eight years old, and it’s at church. He’s dressed in his Sunday best: a light blue button up, khakis, and shiny dress shoes. He looks stiff as your mother introduces you two, with his shirt buttoned all the way to the collar.

It’s not that you dislike him, but you think he might dislike you, with the way he avoids eye contact, eyes tracing the floor, your shoes—anywhere but your face.

You see panic flash through his eyes when his mom gently pushes him towards you, telling him to take you inside and reserve a spot in the pews while she catches up with your mom.

He shuffles awkwardly, and wordlessly, you follow him into the building.

The pews are almost empty, with the bulk of them being filled in the front by the old people that usually have nothing better to do on their Sunday mornings. Although your local church is on the smaller side, it feels unusually large with rows of empty pews, almost eerie. You shudder at shadows the walls make with the stained glass, and hurry to your usual spot towards the middle.

If Mark notices your apprehension, he doesn’t say anything. He’s oblivious, actually, not noticing your absence until he’s almost at the end of the rows. When you see him stop and search for you frantically, you stifle a laugh.

He eventually finds you, and after shuffling awkwardly between the pews, makes his way to you.

“This is kinda far, isn’t it?” he murmurs.

“Huh?”

“I mean,” he stammers. “I usually sit closer to the front. ”

You peer at him from the side. “You actually want to pay attention?”

He scratches the back of his head. “Well yeah, isn’t that the point?”

“I guess,” you say, looking at the ceiling. With the sprawling arches and patterns, the designs are pretty, you think.

“You should at least try, it’s kinda interesting,” when you turn your head to look at him he turns away. “Only if you want to, of course.” he adds, fidgeting with his hands.

When you tell him that maybe you will, you see him crack a small smile.

It becomes a routine, almost every Sunday, with you and Mark sitting next to each other. Whether it’s closer to the front or the back, it’s a whole debate. You usually give in, because when you walk in, Mark is already waiting for you in the front.

….

“Do you still go to Church?”

You’re laying on a green bean bag in Mark’s dorm room, procrastinating on the midterm paper you were supposed to get started on, well, a week ago.

You think for a second, hand raised to rub your chin, just to tease him. “What’s church?”

“C'mon dude, are you serious?”

“Barely,” you say, standing up to move to sit on his bed. “You should really get a new bean bag, it’s kinda deflated.”

Mark ignoring you, reaches over from his desk to fluff up the bean bag. “It’s because you sit on it so much.”

“Are you calling me fat?” and before he can defend himself you finally answer him, “I stopped going in like, middle school. It would be hard even if I wanted to, to find a whole new congregation, and I’m just busy. Also, it’s so boring, I could cry.”

Mark perks up. “Not if you go with me.”

You groan dramatically, and Mark chuckles.

“Good to know that you haven’t changed since you were eight.”

It’s just your view on church, that hasn’t changed since you were eight. First thing things first, you were 19 now, going on twenty. You’re in University now, your second year. It’s been a blur assignments, partying, coffee and term papers- you don’t have time to think about anything else right now. Except maybe actually starting your paper but-

Mark interrupts you midthought, breaking the silence. “Are you still with that guy?”

“Huh? Who? Yuta?”

“Yeah,” Mark responds sheepishly, avoiding eye contact.

You roll your eyes. “No, we haven’t been together for a while. It wasn’t that important so I forgot to tell you.”

You can tell he's surprised about how unusually calm you are for talking about your first serious breakup, but he doesn’t say anything, instead just scratching the back of his head awkwardly in typical Mark fashion. “He was an asshole anyway,” Mark murmurs.

“What did you say?” you ask, acting shocked. “Mark Lee? Talking shit?”

Mark, embarrassed, refuses to repeat it.

“I’m just saying, he wasn’t the right person for you.” he protests.

“As opposed to who? God himself?”

“I can think of a few,” he sighs, but you aren’t paying attention, instead laughing your ass off on his bed.

“You’re insufferable,” he says, standing up to open the door. “C’mon let’s go, I’m hungry. I know you’re not starting that paper anytime soon.”

…

It’s a routine, seeing Mark on Monday afternoons for lunch. Not Friday, because you were busy getting wasted, and consequently not Saturday, because you were too hungover. Not Sunday, because Mark had church, and you, well, were busy praying to God that you would be able to finish all the work you’d neglected over the weekend as a result.

“I still don’t understand why you choose the worst day of the week for this,” you say over your Kale caesar salad, pushing the leaves around aggressively. The University had a lot of healthy options, which you were grateful for. Grateful for you were not, were for the student loans you had to pay off every month, the exorbitant amount you partially owed to all the local and expensive organic produce the meal plan featured for the sake of being sustainable and health conscious.You could really give a rat’s ass about whether your salad was organic or not; if your weekends said anything about you, no amount of kale could help you (or your liver).

“It wasn’t really up to me,” Mark points out. “Maybe if you weren’t too busy being-”

“Ta ta ta,” you tsk, waving a finger around. “I, unlike you, actually have a social life.”

Mark frowns. “I have a social life.”

Mark definitely had a social life. He was popular, even. As popular as you can be, being a preoccupied Pre-med with perfect grades. Mark is likeable. It’s not like he doesn’t have the opportunity to go on weekends if wanted to, he just chooses not to, deciding to slave away at biological functions, orbitals, and lab results instead. Even now, as he takes his glasses off to clean them, you notice the imprint they leave on his face from how long they’ve been sitting on his face, and doesn’t take you long to find the dark circles that grace the skin under his eyes: he’s exhausted.

You frown too. “You should really get out more Mark. You seem stressed.”

Mark gives you a small smile after putting his glasses back on, and then resumes typing on his laptop. “I don’t know how going out would make me less stressed,” he says, distracted. “I would only be more stressed, knowing the work I have to do.”

“Yeah, but you're pretty organized.” You point your fork at him accusingly, kale falling to the side. “Don’t you usually finish things early too?”

“Yeah, I do.” he admits, and before you can press onwards you’re interrupted by a girl you recognize to be his lab partner.

Goggles in hand, you can see the marks they leave around her eye area, but she’s somehow still annoyingly beautiful, with her glossy straight hair and long eyelashes, but that’s not why you dislike her. She might be the most stuck up girl you’ve ever met.

“Did you do the calculations yet?” she says, turning to Mark. ignoring you. It’s only when you cough in your seat that she turns to you. “And hello, (y/n).” An afterthought.

“Hello Yebin,” You give her a wry smile. “How's the lab?”

“The usual.” she glances at Mark, who seems to be doing some finishing touches on said calculations. “How’s Chem 2?”

Boy, does she really grind your gears.

“It was fine, I actually placed out because I took it in high school.” Not to mention, it was a class for freshmen, and you were in fact, now a sophomore.

Before she can say anything back, Mark claps his hands in celebration. “Done! Sorry it took me so long, I just had to double check some things.”

“It’s no problem,” and with the way her voice drips with a sickly sweetness, you want to gag. It’s so painfully obvious. “Are you still down for tomorrow?”

Poor Mark, always oblivious, stops typing on his laptop and looks up in confusion. “Huh?”

You silently laugh at the expression Yebin makes when she realizes Mark has no idea what she’s talking about. “For our study session? The MCAT is just months away.”she reminds him.

Mark remembers. “Oh yeah, about that, I was thinking we could also invite-”

“Great!” she chirps, “See you tomorrow!” and with a flash of her white lab coat, she's gone.

Mark scratches the back of his head. “I guess she had somewhere to be.”

You roll your eyes for what it seems like the 100th time this week, anymore and they might be permanently stuck to the back of your head. “She definitely likes you.”

“Who? Yebin? No way.”

“Yes, Yebin, and yes way.” You fling a walnut from your salad over to his side, and he cringes.

“What is your problem?” he grumbles, and resumes typing on his laptop.

You drop the subject, because you know any talk on girls is completely lost on him. As you set aside your salad, you peer over at Mark, palm supporting your face. He’s focused, eyebrows slightly furrowed, with his lips mouthing over silently whatever science journal he was reading on his computer screen.

Mark has always been good looking, you think. You don’t know why you’ve never really noticed it before. His nose bridge gently slopes over his face, and his jawline is sharp, having lost his baby cheeks years ago. He works out often too, although he barely talks about it (maybe out of fear you’d tease him for being a gym bro). And with the way he’s so adorably awkward, It’s no surprise really, that every girl friend that you’ve met of his seems to be completely smitten.

Shaking your head, you snap out of it. It’s dangerous to think of Mark that way, you think. You’ve known him too long.

“My problem? I think you’re the one with the problem here. I’m surprised your hair isn't completely gray by now.”

Mark ignores you, probably mad at the fact you tried to start world food war three with him with a walnut.

“Hey.” you flick at his forehead to get his attention, and he flinches.

“There’s a party this weekend at Johnny’s fraternity, you should come.” Johnny, being both your long time mutual friend (who’s demeanor is way too nice to fit the stereotypical frat boy image, really) who has since stopped asking Mark out of respect for his “med school grind”.

“I’m already planning on it,” he responds, and you’re surprised.

“Since when do you actually accept party invitations?”

“Since yesterday, because I’m tired of Haechan bothering me about it.”

You silently cheer, of course, you expect nothing else from Haechan.

…

“I never knew it was so hard to get booze.”

“It’s not hard if you’re 21.”

Scoffing, you turn your head to face the boy across from you. As if he can feel the burn of your gaze on his forehead, Haechan stops typing on his Macbook and lifts his eyes to meet yours.

“No shit Sherlock, but last time I checked, we both weren’t 21.”

The sun had set a half an hour ago, and despite having spent the whole afternoon together, you and Haechan have had yet to come up with a way to secure the drinks you promised your friends for tonight’s pregame. With both of you being certified schemers representing your respective friends, you guess it wasn’t that big of surprise that the responsibility was left on both your shoulders. It beat scavenging alone, and spending time with Haechan wasn’t so bad either, when you two weren’t trying to kill each other.

It was already late, and Haechan had deemed Ubering to the nearest packer store that sold Soju (the sweet sweet liquid of choice) was too much work. You on the other hand, had dismissed that option for a completely different reason. The issue in question was the flimsy, borderline pathetic excuse for a fake ID Haechan planned to use at the packer store.

“Hey it works!” he protested. “You just act like you’re already legal and they don’t even card you. Easy.”

You roll your eyes as Haechan theatrically reenacts his last trip to the packer store.

“I asked him how he was doing, and he told me school sucks. I say to him, ‘Tell me about it, thank god this is my last year!” and as if to emphasize his next point, he flicks his wrist in the air, ID snuggled between his index and middle finger. “And I was on my way. No issue at all.”

“That’s because he didn’t even see your fake I.D stupid. He would’ve called you out on your bullshit in an instant.”

Out of all the different options available, you could not fathom why he chose his fake ID to show that from all the places in this world, he was from freaking Hong Kong. There were fifty states to choose from, other English speaking countries, and he chose to pose as an international student on a student visa. He could most definitely look the part, but after looking at the ID he proudly slaps on the common room lounge desk, you deadpan. The yellowish tint to the card was way too suspicious to be taken seriously.

“I wish we could just ask Mark,” you sigh, and Haechan looks at you like you’re stupid.

“He’s 20, ya dimwit.”

“I know, that’s why I said I wish. You have serious hearing problems.”

Haechan stops typing on his laptop to shoot you an especially heated glare, and you’re reminded again why he’s #2 on your fight list, right above Yebin. First place was taken by the girl you almost actually fought at that one University party a town over, wherever she is you hope she’s having a terrible day.

“If it were not for the rules of this land, you’d be dead right now Haechan.”

Haechan places his head in his palms, and flutters his eyelashes disgustingly.

“But you love me.”

“Yes, as much as Mark loves social events. Speaking of Mark, how on earth did you get him to leave his cave?”

“It didn’t take much,” and before you can call him out for lying, he shushes you.

“Okay, maybe a few days of nonstop begging.” Haechan says as his eyes dart across the laptop screen. You raise your eyebrow. “And I might have threatened to release pictures from the photoshoot his mom made him take when he was younger.”

“I expected nothing less from your evil, evil, mind.”

He scoffs. “Hardly. Just resourceful.”

Resourceful he is, because Haechan is the one who ends up finding a plug for the alcohol that night.

…

A can of four loko, a bottle of soju, and a few shots later, you should be hammered, wasted even. But after 14 months, 2 weeks, and 5 days into college, your tolerance is pretty high, so you’re really just plain drunk. Even so, you’re a little messy (no surprise). You’re not in a state to be trusted with any errands, so you don’t understand why Haechan asks you to pick up Mark along the way to Johnny’s fraternity.

“Why do I have to do it?” you whine, putting your hand over your forehead, and Haechan only laughs at your dramatic display of despair.

“Because Johnny messaged me that Mark isn’t there, and there’s no way in hell I’m letting him flake on me this time. ”

You point a finger at him, and he stifles a snort when you’re off by a couple inches. “Letting him flake on me, me, me as in you! It’s not my problem.”

But there’s no use in arguing with Haechan, and you know it. That’s why you find yourself stomping your way up the second floor of Mark’s dormitory like you’re in elementary school again, having just been scolded by your mom and being forced back into your room.

You knock at his door impatiently, and it feels like forever until you hear some shuffling, and see the door knob twist open. To be honest, it’s probably just a few seconds, but time is different when you’re intoxicated.

Before you even see him, it smells faintly of shampoo and detergent, so you’re not surprised when he opens the door and you see his hair is still half wet from the shower. He’s definitely party ready, and when you mean party ready, he’s wearing the same loose black tee and grey joggers he wears to sleep. His socks don’t match and you try not to laugh, because it would be a bad look for you, to show up intoxicated, and apparently crazy.

“Oh (y/n), what are you doing here? Oh shit is today Friday? I totally forgot, Haechan is going to kill me-'' He looks at you and then pauses, scrunching up his nose. “Have you been drinking?”

“No.” you say sarcastically, but it definitely falls short of Mark because he looks at you like he does not believe you. Good, because he shouldn’t.

He sighs, and ushers you in his room. It’s dark, with the only light emitting from the little steel lamp on his desk, which is covered with his notes, pencils, a textbook, and some highlighters. When you finally make your way to his bed (with difficulty) he sighs again, and you silently scold yourself for having that mini drinking contest with Haechan. If you thought you could handle your alcohol well, Haechan was an absolute monster.

You nearly screech when Mark flashes a mini flashlight in your face, and he tells you to calm down before someone thinks he’s committing murder. He holds your face still with his index finger resting on your cheek and his thumb lifting your chin. You try your best not to squint when he tells you to, instead focusing on his face. He’s so close, you can feel his warm breath on your face. If you weren’t already so flushed from drinking, you suspect you’d look beet red now.

“Well, your pupils still dilate normally, so I don’t think you have alcohol poisoning-”

The world is moving a little, so you plop backwards on his bed— albeit a little harder than expected because he rushes over to you and looks concerned.

“-but I don’t think that’s the problem here.” he finishes.

Your eyes are closed, mainly because his bed is really comfy. “I’m here to pick you up.” and as if to emphasize your point, you wildly start pointing in all directions, hoping it would land on him.

You open your eyes when you feel him grab your finger and turn it thirty degrees to the left, just stopping at his chest. Your sense of direction must be really bad, because it turns out you were pointing at nothing.

“I don’t think we’re going anywhere for awhile”

“Noooooo” you wail, and Mark lets go of your hand to sit back down on his desk, and unsurprisingly, begins reading his textbook again. How he is able to focus with you in the background, you don’t know, but it must have taken years of practice.

At this point, you decide to take matters into your own hands. You shove yourself off the bed and grab his arms from behind him. His roller chair scoots a few inches before he stops it.

“You’re not exactly making great case for yourself here”

“Stop making excuses!”

You aim straight towards the armpits, and you’re confused at the lack of reaction, so you reach over to squeeze his knee. Almost immediately, he crumples over, almost falling off the chair.

“Can you-” he says mid laugh, “please” he gasps, “Stop that!”

You respond by attacking his other knee, and it’s over. He falls off his chair and you go down with him. The difference is that he recovers quickly, and starts tickling you back in revenge.

You’re sensitive, so it feels like you’re dying. You try to use his arm as leverage to push yourself up, but next thing you know he’s toppeling over you. You close your eyes and wait for your head to kiss the cold hard floor but it never comes, because Mark's hand cradles your head, breaking the fall.

When you open your eyes, he’s closer than ever before, noses touching. Lips a mere centimetres away and in a weird embrace, you resist the urge to close the distance.

Mark has always been good looking, especially now, so close to you. You don’t know why you’ve never noticed it before.

When he pulls away he’s flustered, and for the first time, so are you.

It’s an awkward silence, with you still on the floor as he stands up, rubbing the dusk from his knees. He scratches the back of his head and offers you a hand

“Let’s head out,” he says.

“Yeah, let’s.” you echo.

…

Although Haechan berates you for being more than a little late to the party, he’s overjoyed that you somehow managed to show up with Mark. Not that he didn’t have faith in you anyways, he tells you. It’s just that Mark is married to his Biology textbook, and she runs a tight ship. By the time you reached the frat with Mark, you’ve sobered up enough to enjoy yourself normally,

It’s when you wake up in the morning, that you’re not okay. It’s not okay, because you dreamt of Mark, and that’s weird, because you and Mark were just friends, right? And you always will be.

It’s not a big deal because friends dream of friends. Dreams are a product of your own desires environment, you tell yourself, it’s perfectly normal because you spend so much time with him.

What is not normal, is when you see Mark the following Monday, and are worried about it. You’re nervous the whole time, and it gets worse when you slide the little watermelon filled tupperware container across the table in apology for last Friday. He likes his watermelon cut up into little cubes, you remembered (why do you remember?), and you avoid his eyes, pushing a stray piece of hair behind your face.

Mark, oblivious as usual, doesn’t really notice anything until 10 minutes in, as if your lack of rambling surprises him. Munching on the cubes, he asks if you’re okay.

“Yeah, I am.”

No you are not. You are utterly fucked.

…

“But you need to promise me you won’t judge or make fun of me for it”

“Just say it already, Jesus.”

“It’s just so embarrassing.”

“Oh my god, are you in love with me?”

“No!”

When placing your hands in your face, Haechan grants mercy on you, patting you on the back instead of teasing you further.

“I don’t know what else could be so important that you need to talk to me in person. Unless…. it’s about Mark?”

His hands stop soothingly rubbing your back and instead starts slapping it, waiting for you to laugh along with him. When he doesn’t get a response he gasps. Turning his head sideways to face you, he pries your fingers apart.

“No fucking way.”

“Right?” you moan.

“I was just joking, but I can’t say I didn’t expect it.”

You remove your hands from your face and look at him, confused. “What do you mean?”

“Like, you’ve known each other forever. You spend a lot of time together too. Someone was bound to catch feelings eventually.”

You don’t respond, instead choosing to sulk.

“You know I’m right. You just don’t want to admit it because you’re the loser in this situation.”

Right he is, because you’ve been avoiding Mark for the past few weeks like the plague. You’ve told him that you’ve been busy with your final term paper (you’re not, you’re an engineering major why would you have one?), and although he was a little confused, he was probably also a little thankful because the MCAT was only a month away.

As you tell him about your plight, Haechan listens thoughtfully, “mhming” and “ahh-ing” at all the right places.

“I don’t see how ignoring him helps you at all. I would say to just talk to him about it, but it’s Mark, he probably hasn’t thought about you that way at all.”

“Thanks,” you grumble. “So I’m basically one of the boys.”

“No really, mans might as well be the anemone from Nemo, I’ve never seen him interested in anyone.” Haechan sighs. “This is a tough one.”

“I’m sure I’ll think of something, but I might have to get creative.”

“I’d like to see you try Hyuck.”

…

It’s 9pm Sunday night, and there’s a knock on your door. It’s strange you think, because it’s a Sunday, and it’s a little late to be doing anything.

When you open the door, there he is, Mark Lee in all his 5’9’ glory, with a little bag in hand, in it your favorite milk tea.

“It’s Sunday.” you say, intelligently.

Mark just chuckles. “Yes it is, and your point?”

You step aside so he can walk in, and you’re embarrassed at your current state. For once, you’ve finished your assignments early, so you’ve spent the past four hours in your pajamas watching K-dramas and snacking on honey chips. You must look like a bum.

Mark on the other hand, always looks good, even in some old dress slacks, and an old t-shirt with some holes in it. He smells faintly of antiseptic, so he must have just come from a volunteering shift at the hospital.

“It’s nice of you to drop by,” you poke the straw into the bubble tea. “And thank you for the bubble tea.”

“You’ve been busy recently so I figured you’d need it for the caffeine content, but it’s not like you sleep anyway.” he jokes. “How’s the term paper going?”

“The term paper? Oh right, the term paper. It’s alright,” you lie. “Just a couple of pages left. Beats having to take the MCAT though.”

Mark looks tired, with his hair slightly overgrown and his dark circles hallower than usual. You feel bad—he has a habit of overworking himself; you’re usually there to check on him but lately you haven’t, and he’s kind and thoughtfull enough to bring you something because he thinks you’re stressed.

“Yeah tell me about it,” Mark takes a seat next to you on your bed, head hitting the wall with a soft thump. “It’s going to be all over next week though, I can’t wait. I’ve missed you though.”

Busy silently cursing at yourself for the way your heart flutters at his admission, you forget to respond. Mark frowns, places his hand on your thigh in an attempt to soothe you, and it has the opposite effect—you think you might go into cardiac arrest.

“Is something wrong?”

“N-no.” you stammer. “Just stressed. ”

Mark makes things worse by leaning in closer, gently placing the back of his hand on your forehead. “You’re kinda hot.”

“I am?”

“Yeah, like I think you may be running a fever.”

He hops off the bed, and rummages around in his little black bag, and pulls out a thermometer. He places a little sleeve on the end, and motions for you to open your mouth. When it beeps, he takes it out of your mouth and looks at the result.

“Your temperature is fine, but you should rest. I’ll see you soon okay?” He pats your head. “Take it easy, I know you’ll do great.”

…

You might not have a term paper, but what you do have is a physics final.

The desk area is littered with eraser dust, crumpled paper, and half filled styrofoam cups of coffee that have since gotten stale. You swear to god that Physics was a subject meant to torture, not enrich the lives of college students. At this rate, you were seriously debating dropping out to become a stripper.

Haechan, not sensing your dismay, disrupts your plans to drop out by telling you something that puts a damper on the rest of your day, as if Physics wasn’t doing that already.

“Have you noticed that Mark’s been hanging out a lot with that one girl lately? What’s her name? So-bin, Yee-ben, Ben 10, ”

“Yebin,” you snap. “And don’t ever disrespect Ben 10 like that again. ”

Haechan lifts his hands up, “ I agree she’s a total bitch, but man is she hot.”

“Aren’t you supposed to make me feel better, not worse?”

Haechan’s face softens and for once in his life, looks a little sorry. “All I’m saying is if you don’t do something soon, someone might do it for you. I overheard her saying something about her and Mark going to spring fling together.”

He’s not wrong, but Mark, at Spring fling? At a Darty? Willingly? His idea of a good time was studying.

“You’re kidding,” you scoff. “As if he’d be caught dead at something like that.”

“I don’t know (y/n). He doesn’t really have much else to do now that the MCAT is over.”

Right, the MCAT. He took it last week. You mentally slap yourself for not asking how it went.

“Speak of the devil.” Haechan says quietly, motioning behind you.

There she is through the glass, Yebin, pulling a seat next to Mark, not before sneaking up behind him and planting a fat kiss right on his cheek.

…

Maybe if this were a movie, you’d cry all weekend and he’d make it up to you; But this is real life, so you secretly cry for a week and sulk for the rest of the month, blaming your puffy eyes on seasonal allergies (In real life, Mark can’t make it up to you because he did nothing wrong. He’s also not even aware that you like him, but that’s besides the point).

Despite Haechan’s attempt to convince you that it could’ve been just a friendly kiss, a greeting kiss, a whatever kiss, you insist that you’re done with your little crush, that it had shriveled up and died. Although not so convinced, Haechan drops the subject all together and instead resorts to comforting you in his own way, which mainly just consists of making fun of you about other things.

Mark is a touchy subject, and you’re still avoiding him. Why? You don’t really know. You know it’s not fair to Mark, who is probably very hurt and confused at your lack of communication. Nonetheless, he doesn’t question it, and is so infuriatingly mature with his emotions that you suspect that he even respects it, because he stops texting you after a while.

You feel bad about stonewalling him, leaving him in the dark, but really, what would you say to him?

“Sorry-I-haven’t-been-talking-to-you-it’s-just-that-I’m-in-love-with-you-and-I’m-butthurt-that-you-have-a-girlfriend-of-course-it’s-not-really-your-fault-but-”

You shudder at the thought, because it’s just plain embarrassing.

But really, you’re not the best at expressing your emotions—you’ve never been. Frankly, you’re tired of expressing your emotions because it never got you anywhere. Not with your mom, not with your dad, and definitely not with Yuta, who you dated for a year and half a year just to dump you like you were nothing.

It’s not worth it, to put your emotions on the line for anyone, not anymore. You locked your heart away a long time ago, and you were a fool to let it come out last time, and you like to think you learn from your mistakes.

At least, that’s what you think, until you return home one Sunday night from the library and see a little cup of your favorite milk tea at the door, with a straw neatly balanced on the top.

…

When spring fling rolls around, you still haven’t spoken to Mark, and if your friends catch on, they don't mention it. They know by now that you prefer to deal with things alone, to digest them for what they are and then promptly moving on—you know, like processing a death.

It doesn’t really matter, you think. You and Mark have always been friends, and will always be friends. Nothing more, nothing less. And when you get over yourself, things will be fine.

But really, how can it be fine when your whole world stops every time Mark looks at you?

You try not to dwell on it, even now weeks later. You’re busy getting ready to go out, blotting your lipstick on some tissue paper in your friend Yuna’s bathroom.

“(y/n), you look amazing.”

When you turn to look at yourself in the mirror she’s right; The mascara you put on your lashes really brings out the color of your eyes, and your skin (thanks to Yuna’s highlighter compact) is literally glowing. You feel really pretty.

You turn to smile at her. “Thanks to you.” you tell her, and she gets bashful, pushing you out of the seat and ushering you out the door. You make it down stairs no problem, but she calls you as soon as you walk out the door.

“Yes, I have blotting papers with me, and no, I am not dating Haechan I’ve told you thousands of times-”

“What about me?”

You turn around to find Haechan leaning against the dormitory wall, already waiting.

Embarrassed, you tell her you need to go and hang up the phone.

“How long have you been standing here? Hopefully not too long.” You apologize, but he assures you it’s all right.

“Are you sure your friends are fine with you leaving them early to go with me?”

“Yes Haechan, they’re just happy that I have someone to go with.” you sigh. “Almost too happy.”

He laughs, after looking at you, he pauses. “You look nice.”

“You do too, Hyuck.”

If you didn’t know any better, you would say he seems embarrassed at your compliment.

When you walk into the venue, you’re not surprised at how spacious it is. You’re used to your school going all out, from the kale salads and now, spring fling. They might as well call it spring semi-formal, because everyone is dressed their best.

You see Johnny at the end of the punch table, and he waves, motioning for you two to join him.

“And my favorite couple,” he greets you two, and you almost smack him upside down the head.

“Relax, I’m just kidding.” and he leans in for a hug. “How are you (y/n), I haven’t seen you in a second.”

“I’m good, just been super busy. You were so right, Professor Kim has been really keeping me on my toes in Physics 430,” you laugh. “Every time I walk into the classroom I can feel my life flash through my very eyes.”

He laughs, and you all laugh with him. Johnny tends to have that kind of effect on people.

“How’s Mark?” he asks, and you cringe. “It’s been a while.”

You laugh nervously “ I haven’t seen him in a while either.”

“Oh really. Don’t you see each other every week?”

“Well we used to,” you panic. “Just not anymore because, you know, I-”

“Because you’ve been so busy,” Haechan finishes.

Johnny gives you two a strange look but continues talking anyway.

“Well that’s life. Poor boy’s been studying for the MCAT like his rent is due tomorrow.”

“More like everyday.” Haechan snickers.

Johnny doesn’t hesitate to flame Haechan for his insolence, and begins teasing him for almost failing Calc II (Calc II was kind of hard you admit but that is an admission that will die with you), meanwhile, you’re whisked away by Yuna and her entourage. You glance at Johnny and Haechan, who bid you farewell with a nod of their heads.

It’s fun, you’re having a great time dancing, and eating mini hot dogs on a toothpick (you guess your university had to cut corners somewhere). When Roxanne plays, you and Yuna go wild, nearly knocking over a waiter over with a silver tray. You have so much fun, that you forget that Mark Lee exists until you make eye contact across the floor.

It's no surprise that he’s with Yebin, who looks annoyingly prettier than usual, with her makeup all done and satin dress. She’s pulling him in the opposite direction, but Mark seems to pay no mind, instead staying in place, looking at you. A moment passes, and you see him excusing himself. When he begins to head your direction. You panic.

Before you can even react, you feel an arm wrap around your waist, pulling you close. When you finally turn to see who it is, you’re nose to nose with none other than Haechan.

“What are you doing?”

“Just go along with it,” Haechan whispers through his teeth. Your hands are pressed against his chest, and he grabs one of your arms, placing it around his neck.

“Go along with what? Have you lost your mind-”

Before you can finish your sentence, his lips press against yours and your mind goes blank. He tastes like peppermint and aftershave, with his lips soft in the center and just a little chapped around the edges.

When you two finally part, Mark is nowhere to be found, and you don’t know how to feel.

“Haechan I-” you stammer. “I need to go.”

You hurry off, and he doesn’t follow you.

…

When you’re outside, it’s cold; the air is brisk and definitely doesn’t help steady your breathing, it only makes it harder. It’s a lot to process, Mark, Yebin, Haechan. It’s a lot, and you feel like you’re in emotional overdrive, with all the feelings you’ve been trying to keep in for the past few months coming back to bite you.

You sit down at the edge of the fountain outside the venue, and you nearly get soaked. It misses you by mere inches, with the ceramic fish looking at you almost mockingly. You don’t care, with all the thoughts running through your head right now, you think you might go insane.

You don’t know how long you’ve been sitting there at the fountain when you feel something wrap around you, warm like it was just taken out of the dryer. It smells familiar, like cologne and faintly of antiseptic—it smells like Mark.

You don’t look at him when he sits down next to you, legs open, hands crossed. And he doesn’t look at you. It’s radio silent.

“So you and Haechan, huh.”

“So you and Yebin.” you echo.

Mark looks at you for the first time, confused. “What are you talking about?”

“You know what I mean.”

“Oh that.” He shuffles awkwardly. “I don’t really like her like that.”

Your head raises in surprise, and you face each other for the first time in months.

“I thought you guys had a thing.”

Mark scratches the back of his head. “Well we do, but it’s just in her head” he says, and you can’t help but laugh. “She came onto me last week, so I finally set things straight.” Noticing your reaction, he just shakes his head.

“I don’t think it worked though,” he adds.

“I would think, you’ve always been too nice for your own good.”

“I just didn’t want to hurt her feelings, you know?” he murmurs. “I feel terrible.”

“You’re not a terrible person just because you don’t like someone back.”

“Maybe not, but I believe not wanting you and Haechan to be together does.”

It takes a moment for his words to register within you, and even after you process them, you’re not sure what to say.

“We don’t like each other like that.” you interrupt him.

Mark looks visibly confused. “Then you and Haechan aren’t??” his voice falters.

“No more than you and Yebin. I promise you it’s not what it seems like.” you tell him and it finally clicks. You’d have to thank the idiot later. Right after you slap him.

Mark doesn’t question it, not even when you start crying. You don’t question it either, unsure of why you’re crying.

“You’re so stupid,” you sniffle. “I’ve liked you for so fucking long.”

Mark pulls out his pocket square to gently wipe the tears from your face, and places his hand on top of yours.

“You’re ridiculous, you know that? You could have just said something.” his says softly

“I didn’t want to ruin anything. We’ve always just been friends.”

“I think we’ve always been just more than that.” he says, leaning in, hands cup your face gently.

“Just took some of us a little longer to realize.”

....

“That was very nice of you,” Johnny says.

“Yeah. Very nice.” Haechan echos.

“How long has it been, that you’ve liked her for? Three years?”

“Two going on three.”

Johnny lets out a low whistle, and looks down at the younger boy worriedly. “Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

Haechan glances at you and Mark through the glass, outside the venue. With Mark whispering in your ear and you laughing, you seem so happy; happier than you’ve ever been with him.

“Yeah, I am. More than okay.”

345 notes · View notes

joheun-saram · 4 years

Text

right here (jhs)

Summary- “That’s the thing about dating your best friend, when you break up you not only lose your partner, you lose the person who would console you too.”

word count- 4.1k

pairing- college!hoseok x reader

rating- pg15

genre- angst, childhood lovers, college au

warnings- drinking, marijuana use mention, mentions of sex but no explicit descriptions

a.n- i’ve been obsessed with keshi’s song right here and so this fic was born. i love hobi and i hurt writing this. s/o to @papillonsgf for reading it and easing my worries 🥺

Feedback much appreciated! 💕 An ask goes a long way... to my heart.

gif is not mine! :)

March 8th, 2:04 am

Y/N: I know it's random, how you've been?

March 11th, 11:26 pm

Y/N: Do you remember 'bout this band you said you listened to?

March 16th, 1:17 am

Y/N: I miss you, Hobi :(

March 16th, 3:43 am

Y/N: Hope life is treating you better...

Hoseok watched across the room as you sat in Taehyung’s lap. Your hand was on his chest as you laughed at a joke while his hand laid on your bare thigh, caressing right where your skirt ended. Hoseok’s drink tasted bitter as he scrolled through the messages you had sent him last month.

He didn’t know why he was so held up on you still. It had been over three months since you broke up but every time you messaged him it was like his heart somersaulted in his chest. He had taken Yoongi’s advice to ignore your messages, in fact, Yoongi had suggested blocking you altogether so Hoseok could have some peace and move on but every time he tried to block you something stopped him. He could never bring himself to do it. It was like every atom in his body revolted against it.

You had dated for two years and even before that, you had been best friends for six years. Now you were a shadow in his life, always there in the background but he couldn’t feel you anymore. Ever present, but he could never catch you. He missed you. He always missed you but it seemed that you were happier now with your new guy. As he watched you cuddling cosily with Taehyung, he was sure that you weren’t even aware that he was at this party.

“I love you, Y/N. Please. I’m only saying this because I love you.” Hoseok maintained his tone despite how angry he felt at your actions. You had just casually told him you were flunking another class as you dressed up to go to another party. He couldn’t believe your cavalier attitude. You had been doing that a lot lately - going out with your new friends and getting wasted beyond your limit. This was how it always went. You’d go out and then come home late, stumbling into bed giggling, your breath reeking of liquor as you cuddled into him. He’d let it pass for months but he could see you disappear. He had tried to convince you to turn it down a notch time and time again but it always ended in the same ugly fight.

“You don’t control the people you love!” You snapped at him from where you stood in your shared bedroom, jacket falling off of one shoulder.

“I’m not trying to control you… Baby, please! I just want you to do better.” He went over to you, fixing your jacket as he cupped your face. He wanted you to understand how much it hurt him to see you this way. You shrugged him off, moving backward.

“Oh just because my grades suck, I’m not doing good?” Malice painted your tone as you raised your voice.

“You know that’s not what I mean, but this is not you. Showing up drunk to class? Staying all night at frat parties? That’s not you!” He matched your volume. He needed you to see that he was not the enemy. He wanted to shake some sense into you.

“Well, maybe you don’t know me, Hoseok.” Your eyes narrowed at him and he felt his heart sink. How could you say that to him? The ice in your tone running through his veins.

“I’ve known you since we were twelve!” He ran his hands over his face in frustration.

“That doesn’t give you the right to tell me how to live!” You poked him in the chest as your anger flared further.

“Please baby. Just talk to me. What’s wrong?” He softened his tone as he clasped your hand poking him in both of his. He knew you. Despite your words, he knew you. There was no way you were suddenly a party animal. There had to be something wrong.

“I just want to enjoy university, is that too much to ask?” You pulled your hand away from his harshly. He didn’t know what he was doing wrong but your anger fed his.

“And blacking out each night is enjoying it?”

“I can’t do this. I can’t have the same fight every night!”

“Then stop. Stop fucking throwing your life away!” He couldn’t help how his voice broke at the end of the sentence. He could never control his emotions, especially when it came to you, and anger fuelled the tears that threatened to escape his eyes.

“Fuck you Hoseok. Fuck you! I’m done!” You pushed past him as you made your way towards the front door.

“What do you mean you’re done? Where are you going?” He grabbed your wrist as you neared the door, tears freely flowing at seeing your face distorted in anger. “Stop. Talk to me.”

“I don’t want to talk to you. I never want to see you again.” Your voice was cold, almost formal. No hint of emotion whereas Hoseok was a bawling mess. He always hated how in control of your emotions you were compared to him.

“Y/N… You don’t mean that. I love you.” He pulled you into a hug and whispered into your hair, holding on for dear life. His heart was racing. He couldn’t lose you. He didn’t know who he was without you. How could you look him in the eye and tell him you never wanted to see him again? Did eight years mean nothing to you?

“I love you too but I can’t do this anymore. You’re suffocating me.” You pushed him off and he could see the tears in your eyes, betraying your carefully put together facade.

“Y/N… please don’t do this.” He pleaded, holding your hand before you harshly shrug him off again.

“Bye Hoseok. I hope you find someone you don’t have to lecture.” You opened the door as you gave him one last withering look before heading out.

“Wait! You can’t just end us like this!”

“I can and I have. I’ll move out tomorrow.” And with that you were gone, disappearing into the night, while Hoseok crumpled to the ground, sobbing, unsure how your relationship had gotten to this point.

Hoseok walked into the kitchen. He needed something stronger than beer. He spotted a bottle of tequila on the counter, thanking his stars that the frat hosting this party was one that provided alcohol. As he poured himself a generous shot, Namjoon appeared slinging his arm around his shoulders, clearly tipsy.

“Hobi! Are you doing shots without me?” He gasped mockingly as he poured himself one too. Namjoon and Hoseok didn’t used to be particularly close but after his breakup with you, both men had bonded over their broken hearts. Namjoon’s girlfriend had cheated on him a few months before and it became a tradition for the two of them to drink in his apartment together. In fact, the only reason Hoseok was here today was that Yoongi had insisted that the two of them take their drinking outside of his and Namjoon’s shared apartment and try to find someone else to get over their heartbreak. He was sure it was only because Yoongi was annoyed by how loud they both got and he needed some peace. He had been roommates with Yoongi in first-year and he felt bad to impose on his friend almost every weekend so he agreed to let Namjoon drag him to this party. Little did he know that you would be here tonight too.

“Never Joon! I wouldn’t betray the heartbreak boys!” Hoseok tried to muster as much excitement as he could, his smile half-hearted and not reaching his eyes. Fortunately, Namjoon didn’t notice as the two took three shots back to back. The sting in Hoseok’s throat felt welcomed, like antiseptic on a bad wound.

“So you know how the best way to get over someone is getting under someone else?” Namjoon questioned, his eyes glazed over, as he looked over Hoseok’s shoulder. Hoseok responded in a hum, barely paying attention as his thoughts clouded over and replayed the way Taehyung’s hands caressed your body. He wished he never saw you tonight. Going from seeing you every day to not seeing you for three months had been terrible, but not as terrible as seeing you in his arms. Before he could delve further into his pain, he felt a tap on his shoulder.

He turned to see a pair of women, one already going into Namjoon’s arms as she pressed her lips to his, and the other introducing herself to him. He barely heard her name and after still not getting it for a second time, he decided to not bother.

He didn’t want to make new friends, didn’t want to get under someone else as Namjoon had so eloquently put it. He just wanted you. She was persistent though, flirting aggressively, taking his disinterest as a cue to work harder. As the shots caught up to him, he just let her. Let her push him against the wall of the kitchen, let her kiss his lips, his neck. Let her run her hands under his shirt. He kissed her back after that but as he closed his eyes, he saw your face. He kissed her harder hoping the image went away but it grew stronger, the memories of you whimpering under him, memories of you laughing as you came. God, you always giggled as you came and he was so weak. The montage of your once happy relationship haunted him and he felt a strong pang of guilt. This girl deserved better than to be imagined as someone else. He needed to get out of here.

Mumbling an apology, he pushed her off himself and grabbed a beer before going to the backyard. It was quieter there, the majority of the partygoers too stoned to be chaotic, the music inside pouring out in a blur of bass and treble. He found a spot on the grass next to a tree as he sat down to compose himself. That girl, whatever her name was, was the first person he had kissed after you, and suddenly he felt an onslaught of emotions. A lump formed in his throat as he remembered your first kiss, after a similar party, when he promised himself that you would be the last person he kissed.

“Shhhhh! We’re gonna wake up Yoongi!” Hoseok giggled as he stumbled into his dorm room and you followed closely behind tripping on the shoes strewn by the door and falling onto him. He wished he was as suave as the guys on tv and caught you but instead he stumbled with you crashing on the floor in a puddle of hushed laughter, your head on his thigh.

“Let’s go to your room before grandpa yells at us.” You snickered as you got on your feet, pulling Hoseok up with you. The two of you walked slowly to his room, changing into sweats and tshirts, before collapsing on the twin bed, his arm under your head. This was a normal occurrence for the two of you. Every time you both went out, you slept over at one of your dorm rooms. In highschool, you would sneak into each other’s bedrooms but the freedom of university made it easier. Lying next to you, Hoseok felt comfortable. Just your presence put him at ease and soon your conversation was dying as his eyes got heavier.

“Hobi?” you whispered next to him making him turn around to face you. You always did this when you were drunk - bargained for cuddles - and as sleepy as he was, Hoseok didn’t feel like protesting as usual, so he put his arm around your waist and pulled you close, his one leg hitched around your hip.

“Goodnight.” He whispered patting the back of your head as he drifted off. What he didn’t expect was for your lips to touch his. It was a soft, lingering peck and it was like he was electrocuted, his eyes flying open. For a moment he thought it was some weirdly vivid dream until he heard you apologize. He had never thought of kissing you before, you were his best friend and he always thought of you as platonic. His platonic soulmate. But as soon as you had kissed him it was like a dam broke inside him, his heart beating fast, his lips tingling, and all he wanted was to do it again.

It was like he was on autopilot, his hand on the back of your neck as his lips silenced your apologies. This kiss wasn’t soft. It was eager, hungry, and Hoseok felt alive. It was like a switch went on in him, the feelings he had apparently repressed for years rushing to the surface at the same time settling him into a haze of endorphins. He couldn’t help grinning against you as your mouth parted for his tongue and he could finally taste you - the cheap wine coolers you drank, the one cigarette you bummed outside the party, and a sweetness that he could only describe as you. He needed you closer, inexplicably closer, as his grip around your waist got tighter, his leg pulling you in further till his knee was almost on the mattress, trying his hardest not to grind against you.

You moaned against his mouth and he knew he would never forget that sound. How did he go so long without realizing how much he needed you? You were always the smarter one between the two of you - of course you knew before him that he would fall for you.

He spent the night making out with you and he knew this was it. This was what they wrote songs about, started wars about. This was love. He felt it bloom within his chest, till the branches set each nerve ending alive. He knew everything about you and you knew everything about him and he never wanted to let anyone else in the way he let you in. He didn’t know if you loved him too yet, but he was ready to convince you that he’d never want to kiss someone like he was kissing you right now.

“This seat taken?”

Hoseok felt his heart clench at hearing your voice. He didn’t want to see you in this state. He was far too vulnerable and drunk right now to control himself when it came to you. He didn’t know how he’d react. Without waiting for his response you made yourself comfortable next to him on the grass, your back against the tree as your shoulder lightly grazed his. He felt like his shoulder was on fire, and he moved slightly away from you.

“How’ve you been Hobi?” Your voice was light, airy, as if you had never stomped on his heart. As if you had never left him sobbing on your porch just a few months ago without so much as a glance in his direction. He wanted to scream at you, tell you how you broke him, ruined him for everyone else, but before he could get a word out, you reached your hand and placed it on his. The innocent touch was too intimate, and he felt a tear roll down his cheek. How did the two of you get here, where your hand on his made him want to hug you and sob on your shoulder. That’s the thing about dating your best friend, when you break up you not only lose your partner, you lose the person who would console you too. All he could do in response to your question was just shrug. He felt pathetic. Why were you torturing him?

“I’m sorry for pushing you away,” you whispered as you squeezed his hand and he finally had the courage to look at you. You looked beautiful - the moonlight reflecting off your skin made you glow. His eyes traced your features from the curve of your brows, to how your eyes gazed at him softened, to the slope of your nose, to finally your lips, parted and shiny from your lip gloss. Before he could stop himself, he was leaning forward, crashing his lips on yours, kissing you quick and short, just enough to get rid of the taste of the girl before, just so he could hold on to you being the last person he kissed for a little bit longer.

It’s when he saw the look of shock on your face that he realized what he had done. Muttering a quick apology, he stood up, ignoring your calls of his name as he walked through the house. He had to leave. He was an idiot. He was an idiot who was never going to get over you. Was this his life now? Watching you from afar, unable to control himself in your presence.

He decided to walk the thirty minutes to your - well now, just his - apartment. He was slower than usual, hoping that the fresh air would clear his mind, but everywhere he looked he was reminded of you. He passed by the ice cream shop where you had your first date and all he could think about was the way you coyly licked the melted ice cream off his fingers and kissed him telling him mint chocolate only tasted good off his tongue. He passed the twenty-four hour tattoo shop where he held your hand as you got your first tattoo at 3 am because you were bored and always wanted one, a little star on your hip. He passed the park where he had found you sulking after your first fight and he picked a wildflower for you, one that he hopes you still have pressed in your favourite book. He could never escape you. When he arrived at his door, he saw you standing there and thought he had finally lost all semblance of reality. That is, until you spoke.

“Baby, are you okay?” The pet name made his heart ache as he looked at you in alarm, realizing that you were actually there. He couldn’t do this. He stumbled back, almost tripping off the porch.

“Y/N… please. I can’t do this.” He pleaded, but he was helpless as you held his hand and guided him into the house, easily navigating him to his bed. You took off his shoes as he laid there, not having enough strength or courage to ask you to leave. He missed the way you would take care of him and he let you even if it's the last time. You didn’t say much as you tucked him under the covers, slowly caressing his hair and arms as he liked so he could fall asleep. This was cruel and he told you as much as silent tears escaped him, your quiet apologies echoing in his head as he fell asleep.

He woke up with a start, blinking at the sunlight that fills his room, groaning as his head ached from the hangover. He thought about the vivid dream he had of you putting him to bed and he couldn’t help but grimace at how pathetic he had become.

Startled was an understatement as he noticed you sitting in the desk chair next to his bed. Your were legs propped on the corner of the bed as you snoozed uncomfortably, your head bent at an odd angle. He noticed the bin next to his bed, right where his head would have been, and the bottle of water with painkillers on the nightstand. It reminded him of the times he had done the same for you and his head replayed the memory of when you walked out on him. Why were you back? Did you really miss him too?

He saw you stir and before he could lie back and pretend to be asleep, you were up, your eyes staring into his. You both sat there in silence just looking at each other. It had been so long that he had forgotten how your eyes could drown him, pull him in inexplicably deep.

You reached for him and before his brain could process it, he was reaching back, muscle memory leaving your fingers intertwined. That was when your facade broke for the first time in months and Hoseok could see a blackened tear that slowly trickled down your face. His eyes followed its path down your cheek as it lingered on your jaw before dripping on to your chest, darkening a spot on the red dress you wore. A few more followed its journey, before you were sobbing, loud cries that seemed to wreck your soul, and Hoseok was weak, pulling you into his chest and letting you use him as a makeshift kleenex. He didn’t know how long you both sat there, you crying on his chest, him holding you tightly, wishing he could stop your pain despite whatever you may have inflicted on him.

By the time you calmed down, he still couldn’t let you go, walking with your hand in his to your once shared kitchen, setting the kettle on. He still stocked your favourite blueberry tea even though he hated the taste. You spoke first after what seemed like hours.

“I dropped out.”

This was not what he had expected. Despite your numerous fights about schoolwork, he still liked to believe he knew you. It was your dream to study art, travel the world to visit galleries, with visions of curating your favourite exhibits. He still remembered all the times you would drag him to the local gallery, waxing poetic about inspirations behind modern art pieces. He never cared much about visual art but your passion had him holding onto every word. He could still recite everything about the history of the impressionist movement and its influences on your favourite artists. He knew that even if you were failing, you wouldn’t just give up on your passions.

“Our family business went bankrupt and so I can’t afford it. It was either this or our house.” Your voice was calm now, even monotonous, as if you had just expelled all the emotions earlier. He let you talk. Let you tell him about how your father had insisted they sell your family home and move to a studio so he could still supplement your tuition. But you could never do that to your family, have them sacrifice their home for something as silly as your childish dreams. Life had brought you to your knees, and you mourned your loss through parties and friends who encouraged your vices.

Hoseok had a hard time processing - he thought he knew everything about you, but you were right that night, maybe he didn’t know you as well as he hoped. He racked his brain for any sign of the misery you spoke of, other than the late nights and he came up empty. To think, he’d been wasting time in the dance studio, with his hobbies, when he could have been helping you.

He felt torn, he felt sad, he felt guilty, but all he could say was “Why didn’t you tell me?” Why had you hidden this from him when he could have lightened your load. He could’ve helped, taken out a loan from his parents, worked a part-time job to help you cover your bills. He was in love with you, didn’t you know that he would’ve done anything to help you? Would still do anything to help you.

“For once, Hoseok, I didn’t want to depend on you. I wanted to do it by myself, for myself.” Your voice was small, almost timid, but your eyes held your convictions. They softened as he squeezed your hand, and you apologized once more, almost pleading him to understand why you had to spend the last months alone, why you couldn’t be honest, but you didn’t need to say much he already understood. He knew you.

He stood from where he was sitting on his stool and closed the distance between you, pulling you into his arms haphazardly, one around your head and other around your shoulders. He squeezed you tight as if he could meld your bodies together, take away the hardships you faced through osmosis. He didn’t know what you expected of him, but all he could do was hold you close, and when you looked up at him, cupping his cheek, he kissed you. He took his time, slowly reacquainting himself to the lips he craved. He didn’t know if the tears he was tasting were yours or his but all he knew was that you were here.

And as you whispered an “I love you” on his lips, he knew that no matter how broken you had left him, for you he’d always be right here.

I hope you liked this angsty piece, for more fics of mine check out my masterlist

#jhope imagines #jhope angst #jhope x reader #bts imagines #bts fanfic #thebtswritersclub #hoseok angst #bts angst #bts au #hoseok fanfic #bts fanfiction #bts scenarios #hoseok #jhope

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crashdevlin · 4 years

Text

Another Second Chance 1- Black Hole

Another Second Chance Masterlist, Happily Ever Eventually Masterlist

Author’s Note: The final (hopefully) installment of the Happily Ever Eventually RPF series.

Summary: It's been five years since Jensen broke Y/n's heart and she's avoided him completely, but avoidance only lasts so long.

Pairing: past Jensen x Reader

Word count: 2302

Story Warnings: past cheating, little bit of background angst, mostly no warnings.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Things change. Either gradually or in catastrophic leaps, things change. Fact of life, unfortunately. Songs have been sung, books have been penned, movies have been made, all centered around that single inarguable fact.

When I was a younger woman, I thought that nothing really ever changed, that the facts of my life were that I was weak and stupid and I was always going to be in love with people who didn’t want me and were too good for me, that I was going to be miserable and alone forever. I was certain that I was the same person at 26 that I was at 16 and that’s just how things were always going to be.

I can honestly say, at 34 years old, I’m a different woman than I was at 16 or 26 or 30...and I may be alone, but I am not miserable.

I’m successful. I’m happy. I have friends and I have fans. I am well-rounded and, despite a hundred things working against me, well-adjusted. I’ve learned that I don’t need to be dating someone to be happy. In fact, without all the drama surrounding me whenever I do date someone, I’m happier. I have my children and I have my friends and I am happy. 2025 is shaping up to be one of my best years yet and I am ecstatic to see where it leads.

I’m sitting at my computer when my phone goes off. I don’t recognize the number so I Google it. King Woods Private School, the school Jensen wants to send Mav to. Weird that they’d call me when Jensen has primary custody. I answer immediately. “Hello?”

“Is this Miss Y/l/n? Maverick Ackles’ mother?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Hi, Ma’am. I’m Caroline Smith, Dean of Admissions for King Woods Private School. Your son’s father applied to our institution for the Fall semester for Kindergarten.”

“Oh, yeah. He told me. Said his father is very excited to get him in there.”

“His father didn’t tell you?”

“Mav’s nanny mentioned it, too, but...Jensen and I-”

“Had a very public falling out a few years ago, we’ve done our research,” she interrupts me. “But the thing is, King Woods is a very family-oriented institute and we need both parents to participate in all activities like monthly PTAs and volunteer nights. We need to make sure that both active parents can work together amicably. On that note, we have an admissions interview with little Maverick on Friday and we require your presence. Can you make it? 10:30 am.”

“Ten-thirty on Friday? Y-yeah. I can...I can totally do that. I will...see you then, Mrs. Smith.”

“See you then, ma’am. I’m looking forward to meeting you and your son. Goodbye.”

“Goodbye.” I set my phone to the side of my laptop and take a deep breath. Jensen and I haven’t been in the same room since NolaCon 2020. We’ve emailed a few times, but haven’t even spoken on the phone...in several years...and that’s better. It’s better for everyone if we don’t talk because then we don’t argue and we don’t fall into patterns that leave us in bad shape.

But for Maverick’s future, for Maverick’s good, I will have to do it.

I call Misha. He encourages me and tells me it’ll be okay. He supports me. He’s an amazing friend, has been for years, one of the few I got in the breakup. Most of our friends specifically didn’t take sides. Kim and Briana and Misha, they sided with me...the girls a little more vocally than Meesh, but it ended up a small rift between Misha and Jensen. I put an end to J2M and it hurts a bit when I think about it. They still talk sometimes but nothing like they used to.

Jared still talks to me every once in a while, but he sided with Jensen. Of course he did. Jensen’s his brother. But Jared tries to keep me involved in his life, he tries to stay a friend...but he’s Jensen’s first, always has been.

“It’s gonna suck,” I say, shaking my head.

“Yeah. But still. You gotta do it, right?” Misha says and I chuckle. To the point with Mr. Collins.

“Yeah. I gotta do it. It’s just...I haven’t seen him in years. I mean...except pictures on Instagram. It’s gonna be weird.”

“You know what I say about weird, right?”

“Yeah. But this isn’t the GISH and Random Acts kinda weird, this is...a pit in my stomach that feels like a bowling ball and a fear of reversion to the person I was in the past kinda weird.”

“You’ve grown too much to revert and that bowling ball will go away when you get comfortable again.”

“That’s…that’s the problem. What happens if I get comfortable with him again, Misha?” I’m scared of it. “He’s like this black hole that sucks me in every time and the only way I’ve been able to stave off the destruction of my universe these last five years is to keep my distance. I don’t know what to do when I’m in close proximity to the black hole.”

“You can do this, Y/n. You won’t have any problems...and maybe Jensen’s grown over the last five years, too.”

“Well, you’ve talked to him more than I have. You’d know how much growing he’d done.”

“Yeah, but it’s not like we’re spending all our time together anymore.”

I nod. “So...hope for the best, that he’s grown and things will be okay, and keep my distance from the dark vortex.”

“Exactly.” Misha smiles and looks directly at the camera. “You got this.”

Yeah, I do. I got this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wear an embroidered black silk Joanna Mastroianni dress to the interview. Not a lot of makeup, but enough to accentuate my features. I keep my hair out of my face and I wear sensible, cute shoes. I look good, but not like I’m trying to look good. I look like I’m trying to look presentable and classy for the people in charge of my son’s education.

I make it to the school first and I sit in a plush chair in the waiting room and wait with my legs crossed neatly to the side. I pull out my phone and start playing a game of Solitaire.

“Mommy!” Maverick’s voice pulls my attention away from the Seven of Hearts that is stuck behind the Six of Diamonds that is arresting my forward momentum in the game. I smile as he runs at me, full-speed, and I slip my phone in my purse as he throws his arms around my neck. “I missed you!”

“I missed you too, Mav!” I exclaim. I lean back and look into the beautiful green eyes he inherited from his father. “Have you been having fun with Daddy?”

“Yes! All the time!” Mav says.

He turns his head to look at the door to the lobby as Jensen walks in. Holy shit. He let his hair grow out a bit...little longer than when he was playing a demon. It's multi toned, what would be called 'Salt and Pepper' in any other man, but it looks more like 'Walnut and light Roux' on him. He's rocking his ginger beard and it has some actual salt in the color. He's wearing a blue suit...a masterpiece tailored to take away your breath. The man knows how to make an entrance.

He's still gorgeous...and I’m still stuck on him. Fuck.

I stand and take Mav’s hand as Jensen steps closer. I focus on his forehead. I can’t look at those eyes. I can’t look at those lips or those freckles on his cheeks. Forehead is safe. He tucks his hands in the pockets of his slacks and licks his lips. “Hi,” I greet him, and my voice sounds awkward, too high-pitched.

“Hey,” he responds and oh, God, that voice.

Breathe. Stay away from the singularity, avoid being pulled into the black hole. “You doin’ good?”

He nods. “Yeah. You?”

“Just fine.” Dying, being sucked into a vortex in space.

He opens his mouth like he’s gonna say something else when a tall brunette woman in a smart pantsuit walks out of the office. “Mr. Ackles? Miss Y/l/n?” We nod as she drops to kneel in front of Mav and me. “And this must be little Maverick.”

Mav turns and hides his face in my skirt. “Sorry. He’s a little shy around new people. He’ll warm up to you.”

“It’s okay. It’s natural.” She stands and extends her hand to me and then Jensen, shaking our hands. “Good to see you both here. So, we’re going to take Maverick in and watch him play a bit, get a sense of his social and developmental placement and if he’s a good fit for King Woods, then we will make that happen.”

Jensen and I nod, then I gently pull Mav away from my legs. “You’re gonna go with the nice lady and play with some toys, answer some questions, okay? You can rock that, right, buddy?” Mav nods and smiles at me and Jensen.

“And you two will be just fine out here together, right?” Mrs. Smith says. She’s making sure we won’t freak out on each other. Freaking out on each other is not the problem.

“Of course we will,” Jensen answers. “We’re gonna park ourselves right here in these chairs and wait for you to tell us how brilliant our boy is.” He winks at the woman and she swoons a bit...I have to stop myself from doing the same as I step back toward the chair I was sitting in before. She offers Maverick her hand and he looks back at me before he takes it and follows her as she leads him away toward a playroom. I play with the hem of my dress for a few moments as Jensen takes the seat next to me, his bowlegs stretching out in front of him a bit. “So...listened to that cover album you did...with, uh, Rob, Rich, and Mark. It came out real good. ‘A Little Dive Bar in Dahlonega’ was perfect.”

I look down and my cheeks heat up. “Thanks. Uh...you and Steve are working on Volume Four, right? How’s that comin’?”

“Pretty good. Not bad at all, actually.” There’s a moment of silence and I sneak a look at him. He’s biting his bottom lip. Black hole, black hole, black hole. “Oh, and how’s that Shakespeare thing goin’?”

My eyes light up and I look over at him. “Midsummer! Yes. My pet project! It’s coming. Rich has signed on to direct a few episodes and Matt signed up to be my Puck. I’m really excited to see what we can do with that universe. Fairies are so my jam!”

“Are you just producing and writing it, or are you gonna be acting in it?” he asks, leaning forward, showing interest, active listening.

“I’m Hermia, actually. It’s coming along very well.”

“That’s really good. I’m...happy for you.” He smiles and I bite my tongue. God. This is bad. This is so fucking bad. I look away from him. “So, uh, I heard that you RSVP’d to Padalecki’s July Fourth barbecue, but you never showed up.”

I shake my head and sigh. Of course Jared told him I flaked on Independence Day. “Yeah. I was, uh...I was gonna go but-”

“But then you heard my shoot in Georgia got rescheduled and I wasn’t gonna be in Atlanta like I planned so you decided not to risk runnin’ into me?” he guesses.

“Yeah.” I nod and look over at him. “It was fine. I ended up watching fireworks with Nova over Skype.”

“You know...it’s been years. You don’t have to avoid me. We can be adults. Jared misses you.”

I lick my lips and nod. “It’s just hard for me to be around you. I miss Jared too, but I can’t be around you. It’s too hard.”

“This is hard?” he asks. I open my mouth to respond ‘Unbelievably’, but he keeps talking. “Because it’s not hard for me. It's the most natural thing in the world to me.”

I close my eyes and shake my head, settling back in the chair to lean away from him. “This is why it’s hard.” I open my eyes and pull my phone out to finish that game of Solitaire.

He doesn’t say anything else until Mrs. Smith walks out with Maverick fifteen minutes later. “They had a lot of toys in there!” Maverick shouts.

“Indoor voice, Mav,” I say as I stand up. I focus on Mrs. Smith. “So?”

She smiles brightly. “He’s a brilliant child. We would absolutely love to have him here at King Woods.”

“That’s great news!” Jensen exclaims.

“Indoor voice, Jay,” I joke before it hits me that I just called him ‘Jay’ and teased him. Slippery slope. Don’t get comfortable. “Uh, a-anyway. That is great news.”

“We’ll send you the information for tuition and supplies. It was wonderful to meet you both,” Mrs. Smith says.

I bend down and give Mav a hug as she walks away. “You’re awesome, kiddo. I’ll see you this weekend, okay?”

“Okay, Mommy!”

He runs to his dad and I pick up my purse, stepping toward the door. Jensen puts his hand out as he picks Maverick up to hold him on the other side. He pulls me into a half hug and I go stiff as his hand lands on the small of my back. God, he smells so good...and his hand is so big and…

I pull away and lick my lips. “You and Daddy have fun, Mav!” I almost run out of the lobby and into the parking lot.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Kitchen Sink - @emoryhemsworth @flamencodiva @wasabiwitteks @rainbowkisses31 @rissbennett @mariekoukie6661 @officiallyunofficialperson @dolphincliffs @mrs-meghan-winchester @gayspacenerd @foxyjwls007 @ilovefanfic86 @marvelfansworld @f-yeahfandoms @wonderlandfandomkingdom @hhiggs @sev3nruby @hobby27 @paintballkid711 @divadinag @thewhiterabbit42 @fantasymyth-1 @queenoftheunderdark @cosicas-cuquis @superfanficnatural @letsby @supernatural-bellawinchester @onethirstyunicorn @swinchester27 @chalicia @sunnyroadtrips @screechingartisancashbailiff @death-unbecomes-you @dayasvalkyrie Hunter Tags - @atc74 @sandlee44 @spnbaby-67 @kalesrebellion @tumbler-tidbits @hoboal87 @stoneyggirl @kbl1313 @cookiechipdough @mrswhozeewhatsis @winchesterxfamilybusiness @holylulusworld @pretty-fortune @screechingartisancashbailiff @we-are-all-a-bunch-of-idjits @imperiusimpala @supernaturalenchanted Gaga For Green Eyes Tags- @typicalweirdbookworm @deanmonandnegansbitch @jadesupernatural @stoneyggirl @4fareader @squirrelnotsam @lyarr24 @akshi8278 @pretty-fortune @we-are-all-a-bunch-of-idjits Happily Ever Eventually Tags- @deanmonandnegansbitch @jamielea81 @xhannahbananax03 @traceyaudette @fabinaforever11 @pretty-fortune @vicmc624

#cassie writes stuff #spn rpf #jensen ackles #reader insert #jensen x reader #happily ever eventually

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viastro · 4 years

Text

the time for us | kwon soonyoung

ミ★ synopsis: in which you and soonyoung broke up six months ago and you run into each other at the club. [requested by @shoshishua]

ミ★ genre: primarily angst, fluff at the end

ミ★ warnings: very very brief mention of blood

ミ★ word count: 2,452

ミ★ pairings: hoshi x female reader

ミ★ notes: hi! another oneshot hehe. my baby requested this one! we basically had this whole deal where we choose two sentences and a person for the other to write about. the two sentences i got were, “I can’t keep kissing strangers and pretending that they’re you.” as well as, “what happens if I do this?” so i hope you guys like this one!

There’s only been one guy in your life who you’ve loved. You may have been young, sixteen at the time, but it felt like you and Soonyoung could take over the world. You were both hardworking, always sneaking around the dance studio at late hours to practice. As well as being ambitious, proven by the fact that whenever the opportunity for a solo arose you and Soonyoung would compete against each other for it.

It was when you both graduated high school that things started to fall apart. You were naive, thinking that since you two were together for three years you guys were practically married. Your relationship only took the turn for the worst once you and Soonyoung realized you both had incredibly different career paths. You wanted to become a nurse while he wanted to pursue dancing. You both completely supported each other, Soonyoung being ecstatic when your application for residency was approved, and you being excited when Soonyoung got into the talent agency.

However, your schedules no longer lined up as you both became busier by the minute. Your late night calls became the new system for your guys communication, but that began to dwindle as well. Suddenly the excuse, “I’m tired, I had a long day.” began to be thrown around endlessly. Which may have been true, but it led the feelings of bitterness and anger to start to rise between you two due to the lack of communication. Or should you say, the lack of effort that was being put into the relationship.

The breakup was the worst thing either of you had to go through in your twenty years of living. That may sound like it’s an exaggeration, but it’s not. It ended with tears, a slam of a door, and Soonyoung throwing a plate across the room. Your relationship wasn’t the only thing that shattered that night, for the plate broke into what looked like thousands of pieces. It was a pain in the ass for Soonyoung to clean, so he didn’t. He left the shards of glass there for months, as some kind of way to punish himself for the things he said that night, for letting you go.

He only cleaned it on the fourth month after the breakup because Chan came over and scolded him, telling him how dangerous it is. Chan basically held an intervention on Soonyoung’s behavior, and took him out to the club to try and get him to feel something again.

Little did Chan know that it would simply make things worse.

Soonyoung started going to clubs almost every weekend to just bring home different girls in an attempt to get over you. It really doesn’t work though because the whole time he’s kissing a random girl his mind is just running off of you, you, you.

He imagines that it’s you he’s kissing, that you’re the one he’s holding, that you’re the one laying with him after everything is said and done. He’s been doing this routine for six months now, and no one can stop him.

Honestly, you aren’t doing that much better either! You’re both god damn messes after the break up. You refused to leave your room the whole weekend after things ended horribly between you and Soonyoung. You’d only get up to go to work, then come back to your apartment and wallow in your own self pity.

You only started going out a few months after the breakup because Seungkwan thought you needed to find somebody new. He had the same thinking as Chan when it came to this, and that’s why you’re here in this position now.

Dressed in a silk lavender dress and a pair of flats because god knows you can’t wear heels. You haven’t looked this put together in months, but you’re slowly falling apart on the inside once you take notice of who’s sitting at the bar talking to a really pretty girl.

Yes, you guessed it, it’s Kwon Soonyoung. The guy who broke your heart six months ago, as well as you breaking his. You feel your heart pound against your chest as you look at him from the booth you and Seungkwan are seated at. His hair is no longer red like you remember, now dyed a dark black that emphasizes the sharpness of his jawline. He’s wearing a see-through shirt with a black fitted blazer over it, along with tight black jeans.

“He looks great.” You mumble to yourself as you take a small gulp of the soju Seungkwan ordered for you. Soonyoung smiles at the girl when she rests her hand softly on his shoulder, and you find a bitter taste in your mouth.

“You know yn, the whole reason we came here was for you to get over [redacted], not eye fuck him.” You turn your head to glare at your friend, who’s giving you a knowing smile.

“You knew he was gonna be here?” You ask and Seungkwan shrugs, leaning back in his seat with his arms crossed.

“Yeah.”

“And you thought bringing me here was a good idea… why?”

“I live off of chaos.” You roll your eyes at his answer, turning away to look around the club. The dj is playing an Usher song, which is giving you major nostalgia. Specifically, it brings back the memory of you and Soonyoung fighting for who gets center when you were seventeen. Letting out a small sigh at the thought, your eyes find their way back to your ex-boyfriend, and your heart practically leaps out of your chest once your eyes connect with his.

Soonyoung is no longer paying any interest to the girl in front of him once his eyes land on you. His heart pounds violently against his chest once he realizes it’s been six months since he last saw you. He watches as you look around the room for a moment, only to lock your eyes with his. Your eyes immediately widen for a second, only to go back to normal.

she’s so cute, Soonyoung thinks to himself. He raises an eyebrow at you once he realizes this has now turned into a mini staring contest. You finally blink, choosing to look back at Seungkwan once you feel your hands begin to shake underneath the table. Soonyoung smirks, already feeling pretty buzzed from the bottle of soju he finished.

“Um, Hoshi, hello?” Soonyoung turns back to the girl he was speaking to, only to give her an apologetic smile.

“I’m sorry, I don’t think I’m interested tonight. You’ll find someone better, don’t worry.” Soonyoung tells her sweetly, and she gives him a sad smile. She nods her head before getting up off the chair and heading towards the dance floor.

Soonyoung turns his head to look back at you only to realize you’re not sitting at the booth anymore. His eyes widen in panic for a moment turning around in his seat to look for you. You let out a small smile as you sit down in the seat the girl was sitting in a moment ago, waiting for Soonyoung to notice you.

“Where’d she- AH!” You let out a small giggle at his reaction once he finally turns back and notices you sitting beside him. Soonyoung lets out an embarrassed cough, trying to play it cool.

“It’s been a while.” He mutters, and you glance at him through the corner of your eye, taking notice of the pink tinge on his cheeks. From being tipsy or being embarrassed? Probably both. You take another sip from your soju before answering, “Yeah. It has.”

“Why did you come here? I thought clubbing wasn’t your thing.” Soonyoung asks you, and you shrug.

“When we were dating it wasn’t, but I’m single now. Decided to try something new.” You respond, and Soonyoung feels a punch to his gut. You almost slap yourself in the face at the stupid, petty comment, but you keep your demeanor cool. Soonyoung downs another shot before standing up from the bar, feeling old anger resurface.

“I’m going to dance, it was nice seeing you.” His tone is as cold as ice, making a shiver run down your spine. You finally turn your head to look at him, and you both feel your breaths get taken away at the close proximity between you two. Soonyoung’s eyes travel from your eyes to your plush lips, and you feel your heart beat wildly in your chest. Soonyoung feels tears prick at the back of his eyes once your scent registers in his mind, triggering the feeling of home. A feeling that’s been lost for months.

“It was nice seeing you too.” You whisper softly, eyes glancing down to his lips, causing Soonyoung to clench his jaw. Before he does anything he’ll regret, he turns around and walks off into the crowded dance floor. You let out the breath you didn’t know you were holding, turning in your seat to watch him.

Soonyoung feels your eyes on him as he begins dancing with a random girl, and it reignites the pain he thought was numbed away. You watch as the girl starts grinding back onto Soonyoung, and you feel your heart shatter once again. You weren’t ready to get over him, god you aren’t even over him. Watching the way Soonyoung starts to nibble on her neck is the last straw for you. You take one last sip of your soju before walking back to the booth you shared with Seungkwan.

“I want to go home.” You demand and Seungkwan nods his head, not needing to ask why. The heartbroken expression on your face tells him everything he needs to know.

“Yeah, I’ll take you home yn.”

You fail to notice Soonyoung watching you leave.

“I can’t believe I’m still not over him.” You mutter to yourself as you pace around your apartment, barefoot but still in your dress. It’s been an hour since you left the bar and Seungkwan dropped you off at home, and you spent thirty minutes of that just sitting in the middle of your kitchen eating a slice of bread.

“I know our breakup was so fucking stupid and I shouldn’t have left, but that was the past. How am I still hung up over the past when it’s been six fucking months.” You feel a sob begin to bubble in your chest as the fond memories flood your brain.

You hear a knock on your door, causing you to pause your pacing in the living room. You carefully step over, looking through the peephole once you make it to the door. Your breath hitches in your throat once you see who’s on the other side, and you quickly make it to open the door.

“Soonyoung.” You breathe out. He’s standing there in all his glory, looking a bit less put together than he was at the bar. You feel your blood run cold once you notice a red lipstick mark on his neck.

“What are you doing here?” You ask softly, feeling vulnerable at the way his eyes rake your figure.

“Can I come in?” He asks, and you nod your head, moving to the side so that he can step in. He slips off his shoes, and follows you to the kitchen. You open up your fridge, checking inside to see what refreshments you can possibly offer him.

“Do you want a drink? Food? I only have leftovers from this one thai restaurant-”

“I still love you.” You stop mid-reach into grabbing the can of coke, knowing it was his favorite while you two were dating. You close your fridge, and slowly turn around to face him. He has tears pricking at the back of his eyes, and you feel your heart stop when he takes a small step forward.

“Y-you, you what?”

“Our fight was stupid, and it was my fault. I wasn’t trying hard enough which is so horrible because you are quite possibly the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I wish I stopped you from leaving that night because you never came back.” Soonyoung says, and you bite the inside of your cheek.

“You’re drunk Soonie.”

“I’ve never been so sure of something in my life.” He takes another step forward, and you look up at him, tears beginning to stream down your face.

“I’ve regretted letting you go every single day these past six months. I’ve become someone so ugly on the inside. I feel like I’m not living and I’m doing stupid shit just to feel something again.” You bite the inside of your cheek even harder to the point that you taste the copperness of blood.

“I- I go to bars every weekend, I drink until I can’t remember, and I find a new girl to bring home just to make sure you’re not on my mind.” Soonyoung confesses and you look away from him, wiping the tears away with the back of your hand, only for more tears to take its place. He takes another step forward so that your faces are mere inches apart. He presses a finger underneath your chin, making you look back up into his eyes.

“But it never works.”

“I can’t keep kissing strangers and pretending they’re you, yn.” A tear falls from his eye, and you reach up to cup his cheek, wiping it away with your thumb. He lets out a small smile, leaning in a bit to test the waters.

“What happens if I do this?” He asks, his lips almost brushing against yours as he speaks.

“I don’t know.” You whisper, your hand dropping to clutch his shirt. Soonyoung reaches up and softly rests a hand on your cheek.

“I’m going to kiss you now, tell me if you want me to stop.” He mumbles, staring into your eyes. Another tear slips past as you nod your head, a small, sad smile gracing your features.

“Please.”

It’s all Soonyoung needs to hear before he leans in, capturing your lips with his. His lips are slightly chapped, and it tastes salty due to the tears you both shed while also tasting like soju. However, it’s nothing short of perfect. Your hand moves from clutching his shirt to resting on the side of his neck as his arms reach around your waist, pulling you closer and holding you tighter.

“Is this real? You love me?” Soonyoung asks against your lips, pulling you in again to taste your sweet lips that he’s been missing for months. A small smile escapes you, mumbling between kisses, “Yes, it’s real. I love you so much.”

After six months of Soonyoung kissing random people imagining that it’s you, for the first time it’s finally you.

it’s finally you.

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wreckofawriter · 4 years

Text

Never Have I Ever

Pairing: Blaise Zabini x reader

Word Count: 1.8k (sorry it's kinda short)

Warnings: Drinking, swearing and making out

Request: @gothqmzsasz Hi!I see you are taking requests so can you do 84."You used to date my friend who absolutely hates your guts after a messy breakup and now you’re flirting with me and I really shouldn’t be so interested in you but I am" with Blaise Zabini?The ex can be Draco

A/n: this was fun to write for sure, sorry it's kinda short, au requests probably will be a bit shorter becaue it's kinda hard to lengthen at times any way.. I hope you enjoy! Requests are open!

AU List

“Fuck you Malfoy.” Your voice was full of thorns, piercing through the tense air.

Blaise had been listening to the back and forth of insults and low blows for almost an hour now, although really it had been almost a month. You and Draco seemed to have flipped a switch about 30 days and suddenly you couldn’t even go to dinner without screaming at each other.

“Oh please, y/n don’t even get me started,” The blonde hissed, “We all know you would rather be fucking potter right now.”

“Are you kidding me?” You laughed in disbelief, “I hate that fame-seeking asshole as much as you do.”

“Sure you do, but you still practice with him, instead of your boyfriend?” Draco yelled, “That makes sense!”

“We weren’t practicing together dumbass! We were on the same pitch because there’s only the one!”

Draco glared, “Why don’t you just admit your a desperate slut already!” he spat.

The room dropped dead silent. The few brave souls who had stayed to watch the interaction scrambled for their dorms as you drew your wand from your robes. Blaise’s eyes widened, darting between the two who stood in front of him.

“What the fuck did you just call me?” Your voice was so dark goosebumps raised on Blaise’s arms.

“I called you what you are.” Draco snarled.

Wrong answer, Blaise thought.

You had snapped your eyes shut, your knuckles were turning white around your wand, you ran your other hand through your hair, it was shaking.

Blaise considered leaving but he also knew if things got physical someone would have to stop you before someone died.

“No. You see, you called me a desperate slut.” You spat the words from your mouth like something with a disturbing taste.

“I stand by it.” How Draco kept his voice so flat when you were practically cutting him open with your eyes Blaise did not know.

Your jaw tightened and your lips pursed, “Well, I would rather be a desperate slut than a dumbass rich kid with daddy issues who says they’re better than everyone else but still needs to put others down to convince themselves they aren’t the piece of shit they truly are.”

Draco’s mouth dropped, his lips contorting into a snarl, “You infuriating little bitch.”

You didn’t flinch, “We’re done.”

“We are not done!” Draco shouted as you turned on your heel starting up your stairs.

“Pretty sure we are.” You called over your shoulder, “By the way you should really watch more porn or something, you have no clue how to fuck.”

Blaise slapped his hand over his mouth as Draco flushed.

So yeah your break up didn’t go well.

A year had passed since you had even spoken to Draco. Each of you hated the other with a fiery passion. Draco insisted you were the devil while you declared him a weak piece of shit. Blaise lost connection with you as you threw his friend away. He would never tell Draco but he missed you a bit, you were always quite fun to talk with.

The two of you living in the same area were absolute hell, neither of you ever engaged but the tension was often so thick it got hard to breathe. You were way too good at passive-aggressive comments and Draco just glared.

Finally, that tension resolved when your quidditch team won against Gryffindor, you wouldn’t look at each other but you stopped being bitter for the time being. A party was held, all of Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff were invited along with a few select Gryffindors. Kids smuggled drinks from off the grounds and foods from the kitchens. A muggle-born Hufflepuff took speakers from their room to set up and someone charmed different colored lights and confetti which never hit the floor or stopped falling. By six o’clock it was so packed in the Slytherin common room you could hardly move.

You were in the middle of it all lifted on shoulders as the captain. Someone popped a bottle of champagne and Blasie laughed as you stuck out your tongue to catch some of the foam which sprayed through the air.

Draco was passed out by eight, unsurprisingly drunk, Blasie considered turning in for the night as well but something stopped him.

That something was you. “Zabini!” You shouted you were with a group of Ravenclaws he didn’t recognize, Anglinia Greengrass at your side.

The music was loud but as he entered your little circle around the table he realized somone must have cast something to muffle the sound.

“What’s up?” he asked and you shifted creating a space between you and a brunette girl on the couch.

“Play with us!” You demanded and he rolled his eyes but took his seat.

“What are you playing?” He asked noticing you were all holding bottles of unopened butterbeer. You handed one to him.

“It’s this muggle game called ‘never have I ever’ We go around saying things we have never done and if you’ve done it you drink. Last one standing wins.”

He shrugged. A blonde boy sitting on the floor started saying he had never been in the forbidden forest to which you drank along with a few others. The next girl claimed she had never slept with anyone and almost everyone drank, including Blaise.

Your eyes widened as he did, “Really! I thought you didn’t date?” you gasped.

“Just because I don’t date doesn’t mean I don’t fuck.” He responded and you snorted.

You leaned towards him cupping his ear with your hand “Still a shame you don’t date.” you breathed into his ear and he felt his cheeks heat. He hoped you couldn’t see it due to the sporadic lighting. If you did you showed no signs.

The game continued and you drank most of the time, much to Blaise’s surprise you had gone to class high, pranked a teacher, punched someone, and thrown up before a quidditch game.

When it was Blaise’s turn he bit his lip in thought before turning to you with a smirk, “Never have I ever dated a blonde.” You stuck out your tongue and scrunched your nose before taking a drink.

On your turn you smirked, “Never have I ever had a relationship last less than a year.”

Everyone groaned, all but one or two taking a drink. Angelina swore as she finished off her bottle.

“You know that was a low blow on your part.” You grinned bumping Blaise’s shoulder with your own.

“So was yours.” He pointed out.

You pouted before breaking into a smile, “I suppose.” You turned to look at him, “But I’m cute so it doesn’t matter.”

“Are you saying I’m not cute?” Blaise mocked offense.

“Well, you’re hot, there’s a difference.” You shrugged.

“You think I’m hot?” He asked a slight tinge returning to his cheeks.

“Obviously.” You whispered leaning closer to him, he could smell the sweetness of butterbeer on your breath, his heart hammering as your eyes locked with his, “Now pay attention.” You winked breaking away from the trance which you had been cast under.

When your turn rolled around again you smirked, “Never have I ever..” You paused turning to look at Blasie your eyes were narrowed playfully, your hair a bit messy as you bit your cherry-stained lip. You were way too pretty for your own good, “Had a thing for my friend’s ex.”

A few drank as you continued to stare down Blaise. He smiled smugly raising the bottle to his lips and winking at you, Draco was an asshole anyway.

You bit your lip again before being drawn away by the next person’s lack of an experience. Blaise could hardly focus for the rest of the game, you were out before your next turn but he stayed in it ending up with two Hufflepuffs and a Ravenclaw in the final four. You were leaning on his shoulder cheering every time he didn’t drink. He ended up the third to last out because he had been struck by one of the Weasly’s pranks.

You had booed when he announced he was out before grabbing his wrist and insisting he dance with you.

It was hot on the makeshift dancefloor, bodies pressed together as songs he didn’t recognize blared through the speakers you were laughing singing along occasionally, your hair long fallen out of your loose ponytail and bounced around you.

You looked almost angelic the way the red and blue lights hit your face. He found himself smiling at you as you continued to jump around shouting out lyrics.

After a while you got tired and the two of you went to get drinks. You grabbed a water taking large gulps before letting out a content sigh. It was almost 10 now, the party was still going strong behind you.

“Did you mean it?” You asked, your face was a bit flushed and shone with a light sweat.

Blaise scrunched his eyebrows, “Mean what?”

“Do you actually have a thing for me?”

Blaise paused, the truth was yes he did, but could he tell you the truth?

“Because I kinda have a thing for you.” You giggled.

Blaise felt his cheeks fill with color, “Yeah I do.” He said quietly.

Your smile widened, “Good.” you leaned towards the boy wrapping your arms around his neck and tugging him down to meet your lips. You both still tasted sweet with butterbeer, a tinge of salt on your lips from the sweat of dancing. Blaise drew his arms around your waist tugging you into him as you swiped his bottom lip and plunged your tongue into his mouth. Blaise backed you up against a wall removing his lips form your own and trailing them down your cheekbone and onto your neck. You gasped when you felt his teeth bite down lightly on your skin and could feel him smirk against you.

“Anyone one ever told you you’re a cheeky asshole?” You asked panting slightly.

“Yes,” Blaise mumbled onto your skin, his lips slowly making their way back up to your lips leaving red bruises in their wake. You kissed him back roughly tugging him closer to you as he took your bottom lip between his teeth. When you finally broke apart your lips were swollen and the marks he had littered your neck with were turning dark.

Blaise left one more chaste kiss on your cheek before stepping away from you completely. “What are we gonna do about Draco?” He asked.

You scoffed, “Fuck ‘im.”

Taglist:

@accio-rogers

@roslea

@k3nz-doodl3

@theseuscmander

@sleepingalaska

Masterlist

#harry potter #harry potter imagines #harry potter au #harry potter imagine #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter x reader #harry potter fanfic rec #harry potter fandom #harry potter x y/n #harry potter x you #blaise zabini fanfic #blaise zabini imagine #blaise zabini imagines #blaise zabini x reader #blaise zabini #blaise zabini x you

569 notes · View notes

ecwrites · 2 years

Text

OKAY BUT TAYLOR SWIFT??

So, I love Taylor Swift. That's not a joke, I genuinely love her songwriting skills and her vibe in general. I know Taylor has become popular again on social media, but I still hear lots of not so nice things when I say that she's my favourite singer. At this point I don't really care anymore, because people hating on her is nothing new, but what I'm really bothered about is their reason why.

When I ask people why they don't like Taylor's music or why they think her being my favourite singer is weird, they respond either one of 2 things.

1. "Her music is just too mainstream and her songs are cheesy. Idk, I think it's like the typical heartbroken teen girl music".

2. "Her songs are so repetitive and she only writes about her ex'es".

Most of the time, the people who say this have only listened to Shake it Off, but that's not the point. The point is that they think that just because Taylor Swift has certain songs referring to heartbreak and her ex'es, her music immediatley becomes cheap and not worth listening. Also, I was quite surprised when people used the term "teenage girl" music. I didn't even know that was an actual genre that people have invented, but it was used by way too many people I asked. However, I'm not going to comment on that, because that would take me an entire post. What I am going to do is show everyone how most of their reasons don't make much sense. Before anyone says anything, I am talking about the reasons I listed. It's very different to say one of those things than to say "her music is just not for me", which I totally understand and respect. With that said, let's start.

1. People take the evidence that they want

When I hear people say that her songs are all about her ex'es, they usually use the songs on the Debut album and the Red album as an example. I'm just going to list quickly some of the songs so you can go check them out for yourself.

-Should've Said No (Debut)

-We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together (Red (Taylor's Version))

-Dear John (Speak Now)

-All Too Well (Red (Taylor's Version))

-Style (1989)

-White Horse (Fearless (Taylor's Version))

And I agree that there are many more, and however, I have never seem them acknowledge all of the other songs that aren't about breakups, or even romance, for that matter. I will leave a playlist here with all of the songs and just a few written down, if you are interested in hearing them separately.

This isn't my playlist, it's of someone who's username is Cella, but they put all of the songs I'm talking about all together. Just in case you are wondering, there are 60 songs in this playlist and it's about 4 hours long. Just in case you still want to know my favourites, I'll let you in on my top 5.

-cowboy like me (evermore)

-Nothing New (Red (Taylor's Version))

-Death By A Thousand Cuts (Lover) I specially love this song because it isn't about her personal life, it's about a movie Taylor watched on Netflix called "Someone Great". I'll leave a link to the interview where I get it from.

-Exile (folklore) A song about a fictional breakup she wrote with her current boyfriend. (Source here too)

-mad woman (folklore)

You can make your own reflexions, but if you are going to say that Taylor Swift only writes songs about her love life, you might just as well mention the other 60 songs you are missing.

2. Cheesy songwriting

The amount of times I've heart that Taylor's songwriting is cheesy is unpleasent. That's funny to me, because one of the main reasons I love Taylor so much is her lyrics.

Now, I know that some of her songs might sound childish or mainstream to you, but, as always, there is a bit of everything.

Let's start with songs from where she was younger, in specific All Too Well. I leave it here just in case you haven't heard it. If it doesn't sound like a 22 year-old to you, is because this are the re-recordings, which basically means that most of her music is owned by another person, so she's had to record the songs again. However, this song was on the original album with the same lyrics.

I didn't put the 10 minute-version just yet because I don't want people to start saying that she didn't really write that in 2012 and things like that, so let's focus on facts.

All Too Well is a song about one of her relationships, and it's amazing in an insane amount of levels. The bridge goes like this:

Well, maybe we got lost in translation

Maybe I asked for too much

But maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up

Runnin' scared, I was there

I remember it all too well

And you call me up again just to break me like a promise

So casually cruel in the name of bein' honest

I'm a crumpled-up piece of paper lyin' here

'Cause I remember it all, all, all

Apart from the amazing music, let's talk about the lyrics. The "maybe we got lost in traslation" part may look easy to write, but the amount of things it's referring to makes it incredible. First up, it's talking about their relationship in general, the misscomunication when she tried talking to him and how he never understood her. It's referring to how whenever she said one thing, he interpreted it another way.

This could also be referring to that the "translation" was needed because of their diferences. There was a huge age difference between them, Taylor wasn't even aloud to legally drink yet. But, most of all, I think it's talking about an important thing that the song revolves around, remembering things differently. They both remember it all too well, but for different reasons and with a different meaning, and that's why they got lost in translation. Don't even get me started on the "you call me up again just to break me like a promess, so casually cruel in the name of being honest", because we would never finish.

And, if you are looking for something even more sofisticate without looking at folklore or evermore, we can easily go to lover, where we find The Archer.

The Archer is a beautiful song that talks about change and betrayal and guilt. Maybe, if I feel like it, I will actually make an entire post talking about this song. Even with just the first lyrics I can explain a lot.

"Combat, I'm ready for combat. They say I don't want that, but what if I do?"

To start off, this is referring to a situation many of us can relate to, when we really want to do something that will get us in trouble, but people don't see us capable of doing such thing. People used to see Taylor as your typical blonde, dumb girl who spent her nights crying because of one of her many boyfriends. This is absolutley wrong, but Taylor was always pressured to keep that image of herself, which must have been hard. I also want to comment on the "awake in the night, I pace like a ghost, the room is on fire, invisible smoke".

This is a recurrent theme on many of her songs, the idea of being awake late at night and thinking. In this case, I understand this part of the song as a crisis. Like seeing the room on fire but being the only one who can see the danger. This could apply to several aspects of her life, so I don't really have a conclusion.

The beauty of her songs is that they can be applied to anyone, so you can perfectly relate to what she is saying.

This is getting veeeeery long so I have to go. I am far from done, so I will be back. English isn't my first language, so excuse any grammar mistakes. I hope I proved my point, and, whenever I can, I will keep analizing her songs fully.

Thanks for reading!!!!

#Spotify #taylor swift #red taylor’s version #taylorstans #swifties #taylors version #lover taylor swift #fearless taylor’s version

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oopsiedoopsie23 · 4 years

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Overdose part 3 | Machine Gun Kelly x reader

A/N: I’M SORRY! I know, I know I literally said that this would come out a couple weeks ago but school and life in general has been up my ass and I’ve had literally no inspiration whatsoever. But on a lighter note, the support and love I’ve been receiving for this series has been amazing! This has been the first time that I’ve implemented songs into my fics and I’ll definitely be looking forward to creating more song fics in the future since y’all love them so much. Anyways, I honestly think this is pure shit but I didn’t think it was fair for y’all to wait any longer for this. Hope your eyeballs enjoy :)

Prompt: The aftermath of the reader’s overdose

Warnings: swearing, mentions of drugs, mentions of death, mentions of overdose

part 1 | part 2

And if I must go and die at 27 Then at least I know I died a legend Now, will you roll and ride like we're together? And keep the vibe alive inside forever And feel me forever

You opened your eyes slowly, the bright lights and your heavy eyelids making the task of opening your eyes nearly impossible.

You let your eyes flutter closed once again and resided to weakly squeezing whoever’s hand was loosely gripped around your own.

“Oh my god...Y/N?”

“Nurse! We need a nurse! She’s waking up!”

You heard scuffling around you, taking that as a sign to try to open your eyes once again, this time succeeding.

You squint under the bright lights, looking around the room in confusion at the faces of your parents smiling widely.

“W-where’s Colson?”

They say I need to slow down, but I don't know how

You should have known something was wrong when your mom’s smile slightly faltered and your dad’s jaw clenched, but your mind was hazy and all you could think about was your ex-boyfriend.

“Don’t worry about it honey, he won’t be coming near you ever again.”

You gave a shocked look at your dad, tears immediately pooling in your eyes.

“What do you mean? W-what are you saying? Is this some kind of joke?”

Your heart was pounding and you could faintly hear the beeping of your heart monitor begin to quicken.

“Honey look at me, calm down please.”

“No, don’t tell me to calm down! Where is he! Mom, please! I-I need to talk to him, I need to see him!”

Nurses were now scrambling into the room, trying to say soothing words and reassurances to you but you couldn’t hear them.

Yeah Real feelings from past dealings When people counted me out 'til I grew up to count millions, uh Like I guess it's good to be different, huh? I'm a star so the sky isn't the limit, huh?

“He’s no good for you Y/N. He’s not worth it.”

Your heart felt like it was going to burst out of your chest.

“No! You don’t know what happened! I did this! Please, just let me see him, please I need to talk to him!”

You were screaming and thrashing, dignity flying out the window as you pleaded for Colson.

I'm living like it's my last day Smoke as if there's not already 27 roaches in the ashtray Smile as if no one hated at all As if anyone understood anytime I evolved Tell me what do you do when your dreams come true? Buy a Bentley and look just like you? How am I supposed to write a song when I'm famous And all the pain is created?

“Can’t you see what he’s done to you, Y/N?!” Your dad’s voice was booming and he was slightly held back by your mom, “He did this! He’s turned you into a drug-fuelled monster!”

“No!”

You screamed as nurses began to hold you down to try to stop you from thrashing around.

“You overdosed, Y/N! You overdosed because of him!”

And just as your dad spat those last words at you, the nurses stabbed a needle into your arm, quickly pressing down on the plunger.

I need to overdose on inspiration 27

You felt your vision become spotty and your eyelids becoming heavy once again.

“Please...I-I need to see him.”

Why don't you just go home? Well, I can't right now, I'm a rolling stone

Colson ran into the hospital, skidding to a stop at the nurses station to ask for directions before being directed to a small room at the end of the hall.

But just as he reached out for your door handle, he hears a booming voice interrupt the quiet of the hospital,

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!”

Colson turned around and mentally groaned at the sight of your dad.

It wasn’t like Colson hated your dad, but your dad definitely hated Colson. He always made it clear that he believed that dating Colson would only lead you back to the drug-heavy life that you had once endured.

But was he wrong?

“I can’t go into that room to see my daughter but this fool can?”

The older man stepped closer towards Colson, shrugging your mom’s hand off of his shoulder,

“You’re the reason why she overdosed! You’re the reason why she’s in that bed! You’re the reason why she almost died!”

Colson kept his head down, knowing that if he looked into the screaming man’s eyes he would either burst into tears, punch him in the face or both, and none of those options would do him any good.

“You’ve got some fucking nerve showing up here.”

“Y/D/N, calm down.”

Your mom gently nudged your dad away from Colson, letting the older man cool off, before turning to Colson,

“Go home Colson, now isn’t the right time to visit her.”

But before she could walk away Colson responded,

“With all due respect Ms. L/Y/N, I would like to stay...I don’t think that any time would be the right time.”

The older woman paused, signalling that she was listening to whatever Colson had to say,

“I know that I fucked up by letting her go...sh-she was the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I’m so fucking sorry that I didn’t realize how much I loved her until I found her laying on the floor. I know that I’ve hurt her but please...please just let me see her.”

Silence filled the small hallway.

“I’ll keep him out of her room for as long as I can.”

And if I must go, and fly away And kiss my baby girl goodnight And if this really is goodbye Then let's set the city on fire Can you take me higher? Now, can you take me higher? Can you take me higher? Can you take me higher?

Colson sat with you, placing his larger hand over yours, watching your chest move up and down, the only thing reassuring him that you were still with him.

If I must go, die at 27 Then at least I know I died a legend Will you roll and ride like we're together? And keep the vibe alive forever Keep the vibe alive forever

“Colson?”

Colson’s head snapped up at the sound of your hoarse voice,

“Your awake! Y-your fucking awake!”

He immediately jumped up and wrapped his arms around yours, engulfing you in a nearly suffocating hug, but both of you have wide smiles on your face.

“Um Colson I just escaped death, I don’t really want to die, now.”

“Sorry, sorry.”

He gently loosened his hold on you, backing away, letting the two of you properly look at the other for the first time in months.

You attempt to break the awkward silence that had entered the room,

“You look like shit.”

Colson chuckled, “You don’t look much better.”

“Hey at least I have an excuse, what’s yours?”

You watch as his face pales and his smile falters.

Stupid. So fucking stupid.

Colson sighs and runs his hand through his hair,

“Colson, I’m sorry, I’m so stupid I shouldn’t have sai-”

“Are you using again?”

Your eyes widen as he suddenly interrupts you,

“I-I...no.”

“Y/N...look at me.”

He gently nudges your chin so that you were now looking at him in the eyes.

“I found a vial in your room with leftover cocaine in it.”

“I-I”

You were at a loss for words, your guilt eating up your dignity and pride.

“Look it’s okay, I know that it’s been a fucking hard couple of months but I need you to be honest and tell me how long you’ve been using for.”

You looked down, breaking the steady eye contact between the two of you, choosing to instead look at your fiddling hands,

“It was only one time...this was the first time that I had used since becoming sober.”

“Y/N...”

“It’s true, Colson! I’m fucking telling the truth!”

Your voice rises and you could see the disappointment in his eyes.

“I-I wasn’t handling our breakup well...but I was holding on.”

“Then what changed?”

Colson’s voice was soft, easily lowering the rising tension that you had brought into the room with your outburst.

“I...I heard the song...the song you wrote about me...about us and the breakup.”

Silence filled the room once again until Colson finally responded,

“Fucking shit!”

I let these words seep through my soul And speak through the song 'Cause if one day, I'm no longer here in the physical Then at least I give you my voice to listen to

You flinch but keep your head down, not wanting to show him the uncontrollable tears that were rolling down your cheeks.

But out of the corner of your eye you can see him, pacing around the room, muttering profanities under his breath and, looking like he was going to rip his hair out.

Finally he stops pacing and stands at the foot of your hospital bed,

“Y/N, please you have to believe me, I was drunk and angry and fucking pissed off at everyone and everything when I wrote that song, I didn’t even want to release it but management was up my ass about releasing new music and I had no choice and I didn’t really think of you and I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

And at that moment you could see it.

You could see how desperate and scared he was.

But he wasn’t just scared because of your reaction to the song.

He was scared of losing you forever.

And he almost had.

What is a beautiful life without a beautiful death? What is a beautiful mind, how is our beauty defined? Is it for you to decide, is it my duty to die?

You open your arms letting him cautiously walk into them,

“When I overdosed...I called you for a reason.”

You watched as a small smile slowly spread across Colson’s face,

“Is it because I was the one who caused all of your pain and misery?”

You scoffed and playfully rolled your eyes,

“Well you did...but also because I love you Colson Baker...always have and, always will.”

No matter how I'm remembered, just let me be remembered Kells Yeah, forever young, though, haha Always be those crazy kids running wide-eyed down the boulevard, huh 27 Bloom

@nowhereiswhereibelong @dreamlesswonder86 @mayaslifeinabox @deanwinchesterswife121 @honeymelon22 @poorlittlesuperstar @trashbonesroyale @vladsgirlxx @k-a-t-h-r-y-n-sbin @1teen1dream @bolivianchickennugget @bakerkells @hotel-colson @wesleypiper @sataninsatin @lolychu

#machine gun kelly #machine gun kelly x reader #machine gun kelly imagine #mgk #mgk x reader #mgk imagine #colson baker #colson baker x reader #colson baker imagine #est #xx #imagine #fanfiction #oopsiedoopsie23

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hlcreators · 4 years

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AUTHOR REC: louistomlinsons / @adoredontour

Be sure to show some love by leaving kudos and comments!

this town’s just an ocean now (31k)

“I have really great friends. Do you remember Louis? You guys were always hanging out when you were growing up.” Harry remembers Louis. Harry remembers Louis. Suddenly, his throat feels way too dry, despite the ice cream he keeps licking at. He chokes a little on a chocolate chip before saying, “I, uh. I remember Louis.” Her face brightens. “We have dinner every Sunday. He owns the house now. His parents moved further north, and he wanted to stay here, so they just gave it over. Now if you want to worry about someone being lonely, that’s who I worry about.” inspired by watermelon sugar, featuring picnics on the beach and boys being dumb

daydream about me (21k)

“Anything else going on for you at the moment?” she asks, leaning forward on her elbows across the table, mindful of the radio equipment in front of her. “What about you and that Louis Tomlinson?” Harry sputters, mouth moving but no words coming out. She can feel her cheeks heat up, darkening with embarrassment. “It’s not, Louis and I, we don’t—” Harry can’t finish the sentence, tongue heavy in her mouth. She takes a deep breath, thankful they’re not being videoed, and tries again, “We’ve never even met, actually.” alternatively titled 'harry styles does not have a crush on louis tomlinson and other lies she tells liam payne'

robbers and cowards (33k)

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d almost think that you’re enjoying yourself.” The familiar voice immediately gets Louis’ blood boiling, shoulders tensing as he calmly spins around, trying not to draw any suspicion to the pair. “You don’t know me at all,” Louis spits, managing to maintain the polite smile he’s been wearing all evening. “You’re just some asshole who always ruins my nights.” “If I keep ruining your nights, why do you keep going home with me?” Harry asks, taking a sip from his own wine glass. “I don’t go home with you by any choice of my own,” Louis says. “I think you’re annoying and I have no idea how I keep ending up in your bed.” “You end up in my bed because you knock on my apartment door at two in the morning.” Louis wants to punch the smirk right off of his face. “Maybe you should move,” is what he says instead. or a modern day robin hood au where louis and harry (don’t really) hate each other but they hate greedy billionaires more

I’m a Rocket Man (47k)

All he could hear were the faint sounds of Pina Colada coming from the radio and his own heart beating erratically against his chest.

“Oops,” he heard coming from the other side of the front window. He quickly pushed the grey rubber towards the back of the car, the rubber of the thing groaning and squeaking as he did so. Finally, after wrestling the thing away from him, Harry came into view, face pressed against the other side of the window.

“Hi.” Louis smiled, looking towards Harry, eyes curious. He almost got lost in the way Harry’s face was so cutely pinched, green eyes glowing in the sunlight. He was brought back to reality when Harry tried to move, causing the grey whatever it was to push against Louis again. “What the fuck is this?”

“Uhh... it’s Randy?”

or, Niall is an investigative journalist, Liam is his biggest fan, Zayn is just along for the ride, and Harry probably isn’t an alien. A roadtrip au no one asked for.

sip it slowly and pay attention (12k)

“So I’ve got a guy I think you might like,” Louis says. He’s standing in the doorway of Harry’s office, drinking from what is most definitely Harry’s mug. “You’re going to set me up?” Harry asks, rightfully wary. He can’t imagine that this could end well. “Don’t look so afraid.” Louis takes a sip from his mug, wincing as it burns him. Harry rolls his eyes. He’s always warning Louis to be more patient before he loses all his taste buds. “I know you better than anyone else. Who better to set you up on dates than me?” “I guess you’re right,” Harry says, still slightly hesitant. It’s not that he doesn’t trust Louis, but. He doesn’t trust Louis’ taste. Louis has about the same track record with men that Harry does, if not quite as extensive. or, harry is a guidance counselor, louis is an english teacher, and harry just wants to go on one successful date

i hope that you won’t slip away in the night (13k)

He turns back to Maybe Jessica. “Who’s going to be here?” “Harry Styles,” she says. “The one-” “I know who he is,” Louis snaps. “Who invited him?” “Uh, you did, sir.” Louis didn’t think that was serious. When he had responded to Harry’s cheeky tweet about the gala with his own cheeky ‘You should come - I’ll put you on the guest list’ he hadn’t expected anything to come of it. Least of all for Harry to show up. or the one where louis is a prince and harry is a popstar

feels like we’re finally free (13k)

louis just wants to write a breakup novel. falling in love was never part of the plan, but the cute barista at his favorite coffeeshop makes him think otherwise.

who’s that girl? (13k)

“So, do you want to tell us a little bit more about why you’re here?” “What do you mean?” Harry asks, furrowing his eyebrows together. “I’m here because I need a place to live and you guys need a roommate.” “I guess let me rephrase that,” Leo (or maybe Liam) says. He taps his pen twice against the notepad, drawing Harry’s attention away from a large hole in one of the walls. “Why do you need a place to live?” “Oh, that’s easy.” Harry sits up straighter in his seat. “I walked in on my boyfriend of four years banging my boss. I couldn’t very well keep living with them, could I?” harry is canadian, louis owns a bar, zayn comes and goes as he pleases, liam's just trying to keep everyone alive, and nobody knows what niall does. a new girl au.

we’re not who we used to be (30k)

“Harry…” Louis’ voice catches in his throat, thick with tears threatening to fall out, so he coughs to clear it before trying again. “Harry is Liam’s best man?” “You didn’t know?” Harry is standing at the entrance of the garage, mouth slightly open and face pulled together. He sets his bag on the ground and puts his hands on his hips. When he does that, he looks just like the Harry that Louis remembers (and loves, he thinks with an aching heart). “I’m sure I mentioned it,” Liam says, but Louis can tell he’s lying by the way he chews on his lower lip and twists his fingers together. “You’re all a bunch of dick heads, I’m getting in the car.” Louis isn’t sure if he’s being unreasonable. He has no idea what the protocol is when your ex-boyfriend shows up after three years and nobody bothered to give you a heads up. He’s pretty sure he’s allowed to be upset about it, even if it’s only for a bit. or an exes to lovers canadian roadtrip au

old macdonald had a farm (5.1k)

Louis is a hedgehog, Harry is a fish, Niall is a parrot, Liam is a golden retriever, and Zayn is Zayn. It’s a crazy twenty-four hours.

or are you giving it to someone else (3.3k)

“Dude, last night I couldn’t tell if he was being murdered or having the best sex of his life,” Louis said, taking a sip of his beer. He tried to say it as quietly as he could in the loud pub, worried about who may overhear him. “Is this your neighbor?” Liam asked. He was newer to the group, and therefore, newer to the situation. He had only heard a handful of the stories about the strange things Louis heard his neighbor doing, as opposed to the book Louis could most definitely write about the man. In the hallways, he seemed perfectly normal. He would smile at Louis and sometimes make polite conversation. He didn’t seem like the type to be having loud, kinky sex every night at the craziest hours of the day. But he was. or, louis hears his neighbor having loud sex through the walls and it's not a problem until it is

The F Word (23k)

When Louis finds himself at a party for the first time after his boyfriend cheated on him, the last person he expects to meet is Harry. They hit it off immediately, conversation flowing all night. Louis finally thinks he’s ready to jump back into the dating scene, when a wrench gets thrown in his plan.

Harry has a boyfriend.

Or, a movie AU based on the F word

tonight’s not over (come over and stay) (16k)

Zayn doesn’t say anything for a moment, pausing and worrying at his bottom lip. Finally, he asks, “Have you heard that Cox guy is coming out with a new song?” Louis freezes, fingers hovering over his keyboard where they had been typing his password. “No, I hadn’t,” Louis says truthfully. “Where did you hear that?” “Tell anyone this and I’ll kill you, but I’d consider myself a big fan,” Zayn says. His face doesn’t change in expression, completely serious as he admits this to Louis. “Big fan? Like run a blog and everything?” or, harry is a famous singer and louis is a student who just wants to write his novel

honey, honey (7k)

another sorority au that no one asked for - featuring squirt guns, copious talks of marriage, and more useless lesbians.

fall in love with the moon (and everything beautiful) (10k)

“It’s adorable that you think you can compromise with me on this,” Louis says. He places his hands on his hips and tries his best to look intimidating. “But I am not budging on this. Every book pun you say will result in one quarter in the jar.” “What jar?” Harry asks. He furrows his eyebrows together. Louis rolls his eyes. “Like a swear jar, but now I’m going to make yours ‘Harry’s dumbass pun jar.’ Maybe I’ll have you put a quarter in for every pun you say, not just the ones about books. Niall was right - you tell the worst jokes.” “One time Niall told me I’d never said a funny joke in my life,” Harry says casually. “Funny. He told me that too.” or, louis and harry work in a bookstore together and harry tells dumb jokes and they fall in love

get a little bit nervous (14k)

Liam goes to say something, probably something dumb, but he chokes on his spit, coughing loudly. The man in front of him is one of the prettiest people he’s ever seen in his life; he’s got thick eyelashes that fan out and frame his dark eyes and tanned unblemished skin. Liam forgets all of his previous thoughts. “You okay, mate?” he asks, concern filtering into his voice. “Yeah, yeah,” Liam says, still choking and coughing. “Sorry.” “We all reacted the same way we saw Zayn for the first time,” Niall says from next to him, laughter evident in his tone. “He’s a god, isn’t he?” or, ziam farmer's market au where liam, louis, and niall work at the produce stand, harry and zayn work at the bakery stand, and nobody's straight

i’ve heard it both ways (26k)

“I, uh.” Harry is scrambling, trying to think of something believable on the spot. He remembers the woman from reception and her phone call and says the only thing he can think of. “I’m a psychic.” Everyone stills. Zayn laughs, Detective Edwards looks confused, and the officer holding the door open looks mildly frightened. “A psychic?” Zayn gets out between his laughs. “I’ve heard it all. You’re definitely spending the night in the holding cell now. You’re wasting all of our time here.” an au based on the tv show psych where harry is shawn, louis is jules, liam is gus, niall is mcnabb, and zayn is lassie.

i just know you (got to taste like candy) (3.9k)

Harry seduces the cute cell phone repair girl with her phone's wallpaper.

i just want you to dance with me tonight (7.6k)

The sorority au no one asked for. Featuring a prank war, Lirry friendship, and useless lesbians.

beautiful wreck, colorful mess (4.4k)

Harry's been desperate to try out the toys she bought for her and Louis.

she says she doesn’t love me (don’t believe her) (17k)

Harry is a disaster gay who works in a coffee shop and Louis doesn't want to admit she's in love.

only you know me (4.5k)

“It’s just unfair.” Louis can’t help her complaining. “You always get these opportunities I would die for to throw parties. I’ve got, like, a billion siblings, so I never get the house to myself. You’re home alone at least three times a semester. Your parents wouldn’t even be mad or anything.” “That’s not even the point,” Harry says, calmly and evenly. Sometimes it’s frustrating to Louis just how easily Harry keeps her calm. “And what is?” Louis asks, throwing a goldfish cracker in Harry’s direction. It misses. “That I don’t want to.” - Based on the prompt, "Nothing really specific just a harry/Louis sleepover while Harry's parents are out of town involving sexy lady times? "

#writer appreciation week #hljournal #1dsource #fics #author rec

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saylors-universe · 3 years

Text

All Hands on Deck, Rowanʻs POV 4

Rowaelin Cruise Vacation AU

Masterlist here

Word count: 5378

[This is an interactive story! I will include Authorʻs Notes throughout the chapters to inform you when to start a particular song that you can find here in the All Hands on Deck playlist (Also can be found on the masterlist). For the best experience, listen with headphones, AND FOLLOW ALONG WITH THE STORY. Please try to use your imagination when listening and reading - live through the words. Have fun :) - Saylor]

Day 3 - ANIELLE PORT - “Welcome to Anielle! The Ellywe Voyager will depart tomorrow at noon, so make sure you are back onboard!”

“Thatʻs what I like to see Whitethorn,” Connal motivates from above, spotting Rowan on the bench press, his hands closely following the bar up and down.

Rowan forces a grunt, gritting his teeth as he pushes out one more rep, the 400 lbs tapping his sternum and returning upward. Exhausted from their early morning workout, Rowan returns the support bar to the rack and sits up, grabbing his nearby gym towel, wiping away the sweat on his face.

Within their group, Fenrys and Lorcan were the original gym rats that then converted Connal and him to workout with them. Physical exercise was Rowanʻs outlet for his anger after the passing of Lyria. He would work himself until he passed out, needing to release all his pent up fury with the world, the universe, and himself. He eventually found a more creative outlet through his music and writing, but in the time being, he got very fit, his muscles defined and toned. The Cadreʻs fan base would often get into toxic arguments of which man was the pretty-boy of the group, each working on their looks. Usually the debate was between either Fenrys or Rowan, both the main faces of the band who earned the most attention.

Connal switches spots with Rowan, beginning his turn with the bench press. Rowan spots him but Connal can tell his mind is elsewhere. Lorcan and Fenrys, the former doing reps with dumbbells and the latter on the pull up bar, both notice Rowanʻs daydreaming.

“So, what do you guys think of the girls?” Fenrys asks, mid chin-up. “Elideʻs a lot quieter than I pictured, she must be freaky in bed, huh Lor.”

“Watch it asshole,” Lorcan sneers, defending his fiance.

“The brunette one is really pretty, Lysandra I think is her name,” Connal inputs.

“Pretty and spoken for Iʻm afraid, and not by us unfortunately,” Fenrys shares how he learned that the hard way when Aedion nearly decked him for flirting with her.

Lorcan and Rowan, the only seemingly smart ones of the group, remain silent, not wishing to participate in their review. Fenrys and Connal both whisper when covering Manon, as if mentioning her would summon something evil, both sharing how they are completely intimidated and scared of her. Rightfully so, Rowan thought, she seems like the confident, sophisticated boss woman that she is, who couldnʻt give a fuck about either of them. Then they got to Aelin.

“The blonde one though. Wow. Sheʻs-” Fenrysʻ eyes widen as he talks about her, like a kid in a candy store.

“Aelin.” Lorcan cuts, “Her name is Aelin, you ass.”

Lorcan defending Aelin?

“Aelin, ah even her name is beautiful.”

“Hmm, what do you think Rowan? I mean you two are high school sweethearts after all,” Lorcan reveals, setting down his dumbbells.

There it was. He was waiting for Lorcan to bring up their past, wondering if he completely forgot about their history. He wouldnʻt have been the only one, Aelin obviously remembered who he was, but it didnʻt seem like she remembered what they were? From their conversations, he gathered that she remembered him from high school, possibly remembered that they dated. Does she remember that we were in love once? Does she remember any of our moments?

“What?” Fenrys and Connalʻs surprised looks and unison question distract Rowan from his thought.

“Rough break up,” Lorcan answers for him. If only he knew. The breakup that utterly and completely destroyed him. He hates to compare it, but it was more devastating than Lyriaʻs death. God thatʻs so fucked up. Yeah he was heartbroken from losing his girlfriend in the accident, but breaking up with Aelin... losing her... that shattered his heart, lit all the pieces on fire, and trampled them to smithereens.

In a sense, Lyria was a rebound. They had gotten together really early in his freshman year at Orynth University, right after the breakup. Aelin pushed him away, but he also let her, he left. He was just as much to blame. Lyria was there to distract him from his sorrow, to help him get through school. Along the way, they found love, but not the same kind of love he had with Aelin. Lyria deserved so much better, he scolds himself and taps out with Fenrys to spot Connal, giving an excuse that he had to go.

“Yeah me too boys, Elide an I have an appointment,” Lorcan states.

“A dick appointment Salvaterre?” Fenrys snickers.

“A massage appointment you fucking prick,”

“Oh yeah Iʻm sure, enjoy that massage Lo,” Fenrys banters with air quotes around -massage.

Fenrys gets whacked up the head, and Rowan and Lorcan leave the Moonbeams to finish their workout.

Expended from the physical excursion, Rowan opts to clean up in his room with a cold shower, and also use his music outlet to further release his emotional turmoil. With his platinum locks still dripping water, he sits on his bed against the headboard, guitar in hand, working out a tune that came to him in the shower.

He writes down some chords on a notepad laying on the nightstand. Lyrics. It needs lyrics. The Cadreʻs best songs have always come from his personal situations, when he found need to release his emotions and feelings through music. His best songs however, those are the oneʻs he wrote with Aelin.

He closes his eyes to relive the memory of the first song they wrote together.

Sophomore year, Aelin had just transferred into the school and he immediately fell in love with her the moment he saw her out in the campus parking lot. He rushed ahead to hold open the building door for her.

“Hello,” HOLY WOW. Those eyes, she has the most spectacular turquoise eyes with a ring of gold. Magnificent.

“Hi,” even her voice is perfect.

“Rowan,” he introduced himself, offering his hand just as she got to the entrance. “Welcome to Terrasen High...”

“Aelin,” she takes his handshake, breathing in his pine snow musk, the corner of her lips curling up into a smile.

Oh no, he thought to himself, sheʻs it. Sheʻs my one, He claims as she takes a part of his heart with that smile. That smile, I would give anything, do anything to see that smile for the rest of my life. He was in such deep, unending shit.

Weeks go by within their friendship and he racks up the nerve to make a move. “Finally,” she responds, and he internally cursed himself for taking so long. Before he knows it, she became his family, and he hers. The two lovebirds composed a song of their meeting, and of being deeply infatuated with each other. Sitting on his bed, he strums and they sing.

[A.N.] Play “Everything Has Changed (feat. Ed Sheeran)” by Taylor Swift now, follow along, and let your imagination do the work. {Keep in mind this is high school Rowan and Aelin so they should sound different, younger} Find playlist here.

Rowan: “You good to go?”

- He getʻs the thumbs up from his muse and plays. -

Aelin: ALL I KNEW THIS MORNING WHEN I WOKE

IS I KNOW SOMETHING NOW, KNOW SOMETHING NOW

I DIDNʻT BEFORE

AND ALL IʻVE SEEN SINCE EIGHTEEN HOURS AGO

IS GREEN EYES AND FRECKLES AND YOUR SMILE

IN THE BACK OF MY MIND MAKING ME FEEL LIKE

I JUST WANT TO KNOW YOU BETTER, KNOW YOU BETTER

KNOW YOU BETTER NOW

I JUST WANT TO KNOW YOU BETTER, KNOW YOU BETTER

KNOW YOU BETTER NOW

Aelin & Rowan: I JUST WANT TO KNOW YOU BETTER,

KNOW YOU BETTER, KNOW YOU BETTER NOW

I JUST WANT TO KNOW YOU, KNOW YOU, KNOW YOU

CAUSE ALL I KNOW IS WE SAID, “HELLO”

AND YOUR EYES LOOKING LIKE COMING HOME

ALL I KNOW IS A SIMPLE NAME

EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED

ALL I KNOW IS YOU HELD THE DOOR

YOUʻLL BE MINE AND IʻLL BE YOURS

ALL I KNOW SINCE YESTERDAY

IS EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED

Rowan: AND ALL MY WALLS STOOD TALL, PAINTED BLUE

AND IʻLL TAKE THEM DOWN, TAKE THEM DOWN

AND OPEN UP THE DOOR FOR YOU

Aelin: AND ALL I FEEL IN MY STOMACH IS BUTTERFLIES

THE BEAUTIFUL KIND, MAKING UP FOR LOST TIME

TAKING FLIGHT, MAKING ME FEEL RIGHT

Aelin & Rowan: I JUST WANT TO KNOW YOU BETTER,

KNOW YOU BETTER, KNOW YOU BETTER NOW

I JUST WANT TO KNOW YOU BETTER,

KNOW YOU BETTER, KNOW YOU BETTER NOW

I JUST WANT TO KNOW YOU BETTER,

KNOW YOU BETTER, KNOW YOU BETTER NOW

I JUST WANT TO KNOW YOU, KNOW YOU, KNOW YOU

CAUSE ALL I KNOW IS WE SAID, “HELLO”

AND YOUR EYES LOOKING LIKE COMING HOME

ALL I KNOW IS A SIMPLE NAME

EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED

ALL I KNOW IS YOU HELD THE DOOR

YOUʻLL BE MINE AND IʻLL BE YOURS

ALL I KNOW SINCE YESTERDAY

IS EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED

COME BACK AND TELL ME WHY

IʻM FEELING LIKE IʻVE MISSED YOU ALL THIS TIME

AND MEET ME THERE TONIGHT

AND LET ME KNOW THAT ITʻS NOT ALL IN MY MIND

Aelin: I JUST WANT TO KNOW YOU BETTER,

KNOW YOU BETTER, KNOW YOU BETTER NOW

I JUST WANT TO KNOW YOU, KNOW YOU, KNOW YOU

Aelin & Rowan: ALL I KNOW IS WE SAID, “HELLO”

YOUR EYES LOOKING LIKE COMING HOME

ALL I KNOW IS A SIMPLE NAME

EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED

ALL I KNOW IS YOU HELD THE DOOR

YOUʻLL BE MINE AND IʻLL BE YOURS

ALL I KNOW SINCE YESTERDAY

IS EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED

Aelin: ALL I KNOW IS WE SAID, “HELLO”

SO DUST OFF YOUR HIGHEST HOPES

ALL I KNOW IS POURING RAIN

Aelin & Rowan: AND EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED

Aelin: ALL I KNOW IS A NEWFOUND GRACE

ALL MY DAYS IʻLL KNOW YOUR FACE

Aelin & Rowan: ALL I KNOW SINCE YESTERDAY

IS EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED

Everything has changed. One of the many ballads theyʻve written together, showcasing their epic love story. Rowan snaps back to his present time, although he wishes he could reminisce a little longer. He collects his thoughts, and tries to put his feelings into words.

Does she remember any of our time together? He writes down - Do you remember when?

Does she ever think of our music? The songs we wrote? He jots down more lyrics.

Does she remember our love? I was the first to say “I Love You” but my whole world was made the first time she said it back. He notes some more.

Rome. Boom. He had a title and a chorus.

DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN

MIDNIGHT DRIVES WHEN YOUʻD SING

IʻD PLAY YOU SONGS YOU WERE IN?

I JUST WANT TO BE THERE AGAIN

DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN

WITH ROME BELOW US THAT DAY

YOU SAID, “I WISH WE COULD STAY”

I JUST WANT TO BE THERE AGAIN

He worked on the song for two hours, until he felt satisfied with it. Finally completed, he practices it and found it encompasses everything he wished he could say.

Feeling better, he freshens up in the bathroom and leaves his cabin, not sure exactly where he is going or what he will do, but finally feeling lighter, a stressful weight lifted off his shoulders. The soft chatter from the luminous ballroom catches his attention, sucking him in.

He gets stopped by fans who demand he takes pictures with them and sign his autograph on their clothes and skin. They request him to play something for them and he is tempted to comply. He succumbs and takes his throne at the grand piano, playing the first thing that came to mind [A.N.] “Pantomime” by Ben Hammersley if you want to re-experience that.

His music attracts a larger crowd and he basks in their attention. His gaze sets on the turquoise eyes with the gold ring that will forever be etched within his memory. Aelin. He does the only logical thing he could think of in the moment, and he plays her his song.

With a soft smile from being in her presence, and the sudden anxiety and nerves of performing this new song, he clears his throat and addresses,

“This one, I wrote recently, itʻs called Rome.” I hope you like it Ace, the words go unspoken.

[A.N.] “Rome” by Dermot Kennedy, if you want to be in the moment again.

Rowan: SO WHATʻS THE PAST FOR?

IʻLL NEED IT IF LOVE DONʻT LAST LONG

YOU CAN RUN AROUND INFINITE IN MY HEAD

She does. The thought of her has run through his mind constantly since he saw her that first night.

OH YOU CANʻT SEE, OH, IʻD STAY IF YOU ASKED ME

He often wonders what his, her, and their life would be like if heʻd stay. If sheʻd let him stay.

NOW YOU KNOW I CARE,

BUT ITʻS HARD TO TELL WHEN YOUʻRE SCARED

BUT LAST NIGHT

IT HURT ME TO HEAR YOU SAY IT FELT BROKEN

AND EVEN THOUGH I TRIED

ALL THESE MEMORIES RUN MY MIND IN SLOW MOTION

Seeing her hurt, physically pains him. When she had shared that her parents had passed, he saw the curtain drop, revealing a distraught woman, still mourning the loss of her parents, faithfully clinging to the joys in her life. For the first time in a long time, he wished, he hoped, that someday he could once again be someone that brought her joy.

DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN

MIDNIGHT DRIVES WHEN YOUʻD SING

IʻD PLAY YOU SONGS YOU WERE IN?

I JUST WANT TO BE THERE AGAIN

DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN

WITH ROME BELOW US THAT DAY

YOU SAID, “I WISH WE COULD STAY”

I JUST WANT TO BE THERE AGAIN

Please remember. Remember us. Remember me.

REMEMBER THAT FIRST LAUGH?

ALL IT CHANGED ONCE I HAD THAT

LIKE A HURRICANE, BUT I DONʻT CARE WHERE I LAND

Her beautiful laugh.

I DONʻT EVER WANNA LEAVE WHEN YOU CRY

I KNOW I GIVE YOU REASONS TO HIDE

I NEED YOU TO STAY BY MY SIDE

FIRST SHOOTINʻ STAR THAT YOU EVER SAW

WE WERE RIGHT ON OUR FEET THOUGH, RIGHT?

OPENING THE CAR DOOR FOR LIGHT

I REALLY THOUGHT IʻD LOSE YOU THAT TIME

Please, I canʻt lose you again.

- Their eyes lock onto one another and for a few brief moments it is only them. Just him and her. Like how it should have been.

DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN

MIDNIGHT DRIVES WHEN YOUʻD SING

IʻD PLAY YOU SONGS YOU WERE IN?

I JUST WANT TO BE THERE AGAIN

DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN

WITH ROME BELOW US THAT DAY

YOU SAID, “I WISH WE COULD STAY”

I JUST WANT TO BE THERE AGAIN

DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN, OH

DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN

DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN, OH

DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN

OOH, AH

OOH, OOH

Silver lines his eyes as he bares his soul out for her. The audience praises him in an applause, but his concern is with the her. Like an open book, he reads her confused expression, praying that the message translated correctly, pleading that he would receive some reciprocation, any small sign, proof of their bond. Before he can say anything else, she runs away, dragging her friend off with her.

It was her turn to leave. And like the heartbroken boy he was years ago, he got the message, loud and clear.

He tries not to overthink it, but the darkness in his mind persists the notion that they had become not friends, not enemies, just strangers with memories.

Night 3 - ANIELLE PORT - “Movie Night: ʻBeauty and the Beastʻ Tonight on the Lido deck at 8:30pm, Come join us!”

Somewhat distraught, Rowan seeks out the company of his brothers. He was unsuccessful in determining the location of Lorcan, but ends up finding the twins in the club, hogging the karaoke machine and hitting on the bartender.

He takes a seat at the bar next to Fenrys, smooth talking his way into some free shots from the poor woman, her name tag reading: Ansel. She laughs at something he said, giving him all her attention. His brother was center stage, belting his heart out to “Killer Queen”.

Rowan asks for a water and sits in solemn silence, lost in his thoughts.

He could sense something was wrong. Everything was going so right with his life, he should have expected it, prepared for the other shoe to drop. “Hey you wanna go outside to talk?” He initiated it, feeling her need to get something off her chest. His whole world revolved around this girl, whatever it was, they would work through it, they had to.

They sat on the porch bench swing, facing each other when she began to cry. Oh no, Oh gods no. What did I do? Please, I hate seeing her upset, what can I do, what needs to be done, I will do it.

“Are you going to break up with me?”

A sharp punching pain hit his gut, “What. No. Never.” He runs a hand through her hair, tucking a few strands behind her ear so he could properly see her beautiful face. “Fireheart, talk to me, whatʻs wrong?”

“I- I didnʻt- I didnʻt get in Ro,” she manages to say through sniffling.

School. She had been torn up from the news of being rejected from Orynth University. Yes, they had talked about attending school together and starting a life, but the moment he met her, all his plans flew out the window. The moment he heard her laugh, the moment he saw the fire in her eyes, his world shifted, it gravitated around her.

“I donʻt care,” he consoles her, rubbing small circles along her arm and back, holding her close, “Iʻll figure something else out, I could take a leap year, find a job in town, or I could apply to TCC or wherever you want to go, or- or we could even get that Volkswagon van youʻve had your eye on, and weʻll go roadtripping, I know youʻve always wanted to do that,”

He felt her tense beneath his touch.

“No,”

“Okay we could-”

“No Rowan. Youʻre going to OU.”

“Ace I donʻt -”

“You need to go. You canʻt pass up this opportunity, thereʻs so much to learn, so much to grow fr-,”

“I donʻt want to grow up if itʻs not with you”

She faces him, her sad eyes welling, cupping his face in her hands, and he fights the tears swelling at his eyes,

“Aelin please donʻt,” he cries, his voice cracking in the whisper, a single tear running down his cheek.

“I love you Rowan Whitethorn,” she stares deeply in his wet eyes, “with all of my being. And because I love you with all that I am, I canʻt have you stay here.”

He presses his forehead against hers, closing his eyes, tears streaming down, and breathes the scent of her in.

“To whatever end.”

They both sniffle, wiping away each others tears as they take turns bawling, “You are going to live an extraordinary life Rowan Whitethorn. You will learn all that you can, grow into an honorable man, a perfect husband,” Please donʻt do this, “If we are destined to be together, life will put us together again.”

He could tell that this pained her just as much as it did him. If it hurts us both, why should we have to endure it, spare us the pain, donʻt do this. The things that are really worth holding on to, you would not have to let go. But maybe the true test is letting go. Maybe, if given the opportunity to grow and expand their capacities for love, they would be molded into their destined matches. The idea of handing their future together to the hands of fate, troubled him. When have the fates, the Gods, destiny, ever been kind of them.

But this is what she wanted. And he was not about to disobey her, even if it kills him, if it rips his heart out of his chest, staying with her while she pushed him away.

He couldnʻt recall when they had finished crying that night, he couldnʻt even remember sleeping that night, or many nights after. No, ever since their breakup, he remained empty. Emotionally dormant and unavailable.

Somehow, he convinced her to drop him off at the airport, However painful, he had to try one last time to change her mind.

“Goodbye Rowan,” she reaches up on her tippy toes to place a soft kiss on his cheek. His heart races, as she comes down, Rowan zones into only her, the rest of the world disappears.

“This is not the end,” he says calmly, “This is not goodbye. We will find each other again, I promise,” he vows, bending down, sweeping her into a slight dip, claiming her lips in a cry, searching for the cure to their plagued situations. Her core warms, and he commits every detail of her to memory. To whatever end.

Eight years later, a college dropout, adult loser, recovering alcoholic; he had failed her so miserably. Not only had he not finished school, but he found love with someone else. Lyria had been a cruch, she temporarily numbed his pains. Eventually, they had grown to love each other, however it wasnʻt the love he had with Aelin, it didnʻt even compare.

His relationship with Lyria was complicated, they often fought more than they talked, their quarrels usually resulting in Rowan at a bar late at night. One unfortunate night, their fight had him escaping to the nearest pub, where she later had to drag him home from once they both had cooled down. But the accident. He had killed her, not intentionally, but situationally. And he was still working through that trauma, that guilt, he was still healing.

When you lose someone, or experience tragic grief, the instinctual response is to shut down, push people away, and board up the walls. Although it took a while for his brothers to get through his walls, he learned to share his pain, not only from Lyriaʻs passing, but also the untouched aftermath of his broken heart.

It was then that he realized, people who get broken, they are never fully fixed. They may be physically, but there are always scars. And the brave, they are the ones who are comfortable with showing their scars. He wants to be brave, to show her how much she means to him still, show her that he still loves her, to whatever end.

The booming voices and cheers snap him back to life. After bowing, Connal spots Rowanʻs silver head in the crowd.

“Oh Whitethorn, get your ass up here,” he yelps in the mic, pinning the rooms attention onto him.

“No thanks bud,”

The crowd yells and booʻs, “Oh come on,”

Forced against his will to get on the stage, he ends up making the most of the situation, choosing a song that hopefully letʻs him blow off some steam. He queues it and takes the mic.

[A.N.] Play “Power Over Me” by Dermot Kennedy now, follow along, and imagine it. Find playlist here.

Rowan: MMM, MMM

I WANNA BE KING IN YOUR STORY

I WANNA KNOW WHO YOU ARE

I WANT YOUR HEART TO BE FOR ME

OH I

WANT YOU TO SING TO ME SOFTLY

ʻCAUSE THEN IʻM OUTRUNNING THE DARK

THATʻS ALL THAT LOVE EVER TAUGHT ME

OH I

CALL AND IʻLL RUSH OUT. [MMM]

ALL OUT OF BREATH NOW

YOU GOT THAT POWER OVER ME, MY, MY

EVERYTHING I HOLD DEAR RESIDES IN THOSE EYES

YOU GOT THAT POWER OVER ME, MY, MY

THE ONLY ONE I KNOW, THE ONLY ONE ON MY MIND

YOU GOT THAT POWER OVER ME

REMEMBER THE LAKE IN THE MOONLIGHT?

REMEMBER YOU SHIVERED AND SHONE

IʻLL NEVER FORGET WHAT YOU LOOKED LIKE

ON THAT NIGHT

BUT I KNOW THAT TIMEʻS GONNA TAKE ME

I KNOW THE DAYʻS GONNA COME

I JUST WANT THE DEVIL TO HATE ME

OH I

CALL AND IʻLL RUSH OUT. [MMM]

ALL OUT OF BREATH NOW

YOU GOT THAT POWER OVER ME, MY, MY

EVERYTHING I HOLD DEAR RESIDES IN THOSE EYES

YOU GOT THAT POWER OVER ME, MY, MY

THE ONLY ONE I KNOW, THE ONLY ONE ON MY MIND

YOU GOT THAT POWER OVER ME

IT WAS ALL IN DOUBT

THEY WERE ALL AROUND

SO WE HIDE AWAY AND NEVER TELL

YOU DECIDE THAT DARKNESS KNOWS YOU WELL

THAT LESSON OF LOVE, ALL THAT IT WAS

I NEED YOU TO SEE

YOU GOT THAT POWER OVER ME, MY, MY

EVERYTHING I HOLD DEAR RESIDES IN THOSE EYES

YOU GOT THAT POWER OVER ME, MY, MY

THE ONLY ONE I KNOW, THE ONLY ONE ON MY MIND

YOU GOT THAT POWER OVER ME. [WOO]

AND I KNOW THAT I LET HER DOWN, NO

LET HER DOWN, NO

YOU GOT THAT POWER OVER ME, MY, MY

EVERYTHING I HOLD DEAR RESIDES IN THOSE EYES

GOT THAT POWER OVER ME, MY, MY

THE ONLY ONE I KNOW, THE ONLY ONE ON MY MIND

YOU GOT THAT POWER OVER ME

MMM, MMM

The packed club whistles and cheers and Rowan leaves the stage, feeling a lot better. Minutes pass of the boys talking, listening to other passengers sing, when Lorcan finds them, his face bright and glowing.

“Salvaterre! How was the massage”

He just grunts, paying no mind to their insults. “You guys better get cleaned up if you want to come to dinner with us, our reservations in an hour. Thereʻs a movie showing after that if youʻre up for it too.”

Fenrys, of course, is the most excited to spend an evening with lovely women, but Rowan on the other-hand, he found himself extremely nervous. He spends way too long, trying on different outfits in his cabin. If Aelin will be there, he needs to look good. He compromises with a fitting suit and styles his hair with gel. Once hyping himself up, convincing himself he was as dashing as they say, he left to find Fenrys and Connal. They make their way to the Antica, arriving a little late.

It took everything in him to not fall to his knees at the sight of Aelin. She wore a brilliant blue dress, complimenting her glorious features. He had a difficult time comprehending how this beautiful creature was real, and sitting right next to him nontheless.

A sharp tinge of guilt ran through his soul. Was he betraying Lyria? Although they fought often, they loved each other. He had been prepared to propose after all. After the accident, he closed off access to his heart, not letting many in. Now that he was here, with her, he could feel things again. Should he allow himself to feel things again? Where was his punishment from Lyria? His heart dropped in his chest.

One glance at Aelin and his body calmed. Aelin made him feel things that no one else had, not even Lyria. She silenced his rambling thoughts, calmed his anxieties. She brought a light into his life, everything was an adventure with her, he never knew what to expect next. She was full of wildfire. His Fireheart.

He continues to steal sly glances at her whenever sheʻs not looking. Sheʻs absolutely radiant, just as gorgeous as the day I first saw her. But there was something different about her. She was more refined. She still had that contagious, care-free spirit about her, but there was something there, something holding her back. With deeper inspection, he could see the scars there. The scars of a young woman who endured many pains, a daughter mourning the loss of her parents, a friend learning to express herself, a brave woman, not afraid of showing her scars. His heart tugged.

While lost in his thoughts, the waiter came around to take orders. He had been so lost in his world, in her, that he had no chance to scan the menu. He turned to the waiter and asked what the most popular dish was. The waiter names the dish and Rowan orders it, having no clue what it was. Fenrys and Connal both give him a strange look of disbelief. What?

He was even more surprise when Aelin ordered the same thing as him. Fairly certain that she also had no clue what “escargot” was, he assumed it was just her spontaneous spirit pushing her to try new dishes. He missed that spirit, missed everything about her. There was a strong pull to her, and he was just happy to be caught in it once again, this time he will not leave, and he will fight like hell to stay, no matter how hard she pushes away.

The dishes arrive and he bites back the urge to barf.

Snails.

Stupid fucking idiot.

He didnʻt even think to ask what the dish was, he just unknowingly signed not only himself but also Aelin up for eating snails.

Shit.

It took everything in him to not vomit out his insides. He wouldnʻt be able to stomach the embarrassment, and he would never hear the end of it from Fenrys and Connal. So he found it within himself to eat his dish in silence, desperately wishing he could retract his vow to remain sober. Alcohol would definitely numb his receptors to this meal.

The rest of the night was very pleasant. He learned a lot about Aelinʻs friends. Aedion, he had heard of previously when they dated, he appreciated how protective he was of Aelin, she deserves to be looked after. She deserves the world.

Lysandra, Aedionʻs fiance? they acted like honeymooners but he spotted no ring on the womanʻs finger. Hmm. Lysandra was spunky, like Aelin, but more reserved and reasonably logical.

Manon. She was terrifying. Like Lorcanʻs persona on crack. If someone did Aelin or any of their friend group wrong, itʻs not Aedion they would be worried of, itʻs Manon.

Elide, he got to know a little better. She was kind, gentle, and exactly what Lorcan needs. They balanced each other out very well, and he could tell they were madly in love with each other.

The group left dinner to catch the showing of Beauty and the Beast, when Rowan noticed that Aelin strayed from the group. Slightly curious, he follows her and finds her face stuffed with chocolate cake. She was so cute.

“Still a fan of chocolate, I see,” You idiot. Sheʻs probably trying to clean her palate from the snails you unintentionally made her eat.

Aelin turns, mouth full of cake, “you caught me”

She says it so innocently that Rowan canʻt help but laugh.

“Did you want some?” she offers him a bite. He holds up his hand.

“No, thank you though, I just wanted to check on you, make sure youʻre okay.”

She laughs, “Hm let me see, besides eating snails, Iʻve found the library, read a really fascinating book, taken a nap, and tried the best cake Iʻve ever tasted, Iʻd say Iʻm doing pretty great.”

He feels extremely guilty for the snail part.

They share an intimate moment of pure laughter and joy.

“Well we better get back to everybody, Iʻm sure the movieʻs about to start.”

He doesnʻt catch much of the movie. He spends majority of it, admiring Aelin. Watching her sing the songs at the top of her lungs. Watching the nearby childrenʻs annoyed glances. Watching her smile, her genuine, bright smile. His heart leaps. There was a time where heʻd do anything to get to see that smile. A time where sheʻs let him do anything.

His vow plays through his head, This is not the end. This is not goodbye. We will find each other again, then her words, “If we are destined to be together, life will put us together again.”

Now here they were, together again. And he would spend the rest of his days, reminding her of their love, reminding her that they are destined. That he will love her, to whatever end.

--------

All Hands on Deck taglist: bolded tags arenʻt tagging

@smalltddygothgf

@booksbqueen

@underworldboxers

@live-the-fangirl-life

@islabyrnex

@kathi2599

@booknerdproblems

@rowaelinismyotp

#all hands on deck #rowaelin #throne of glass #tog #aelin galythinius #rowan whitethorn #throne of glass fanfic #cruise

17 notes · View notes

ri-ahhh · 4 years

Note

idk if you’ve heard the song toxic by kehlani but maybe you could write something based off that song where a tipsy y/n calls up her on and off ex (grayson) to come over 👀 i love your writing btw

It’s already late when your best friend Fallon knocks sharply on the front door of your apartment. You had texted her not even half an hour ago, all up in your feels after you saw Grayson’s Snapchat story of him and some friends at the beach, an unfamiliar and pretty blonde girl tucked under his arm in one of the photos. She had responded immediately, letting you know she was on her way.

Feet clad in your fuzzy pink slippers, the strings of Grayson’s old hoodie keeping the hood cinched around your face tightly, you heave yourself off your comfy couch and trudge over to the front door to let her in. When you swing it open, she’s standing there with her hands full with her purse in one and an obvious brown paper bag in the other.

You stand aside silently, letting her pass the threshold and dump her shit on the kitchen island. “You didn’t have to bring alcohol, Fal, you know I don’t drink like that anymore.”

“Exactly,” Fallon deadpans, whipping out the bottle from the bag. “You stopped drinking because of Grayson Dolan. I think you owe it to yourself to let yourself start drinking because of him, too.”

You push the hood off your head and take the blue bottle from her when she offers it to you. Your brows raise. “You bought me Don Julio to cry over my ex? Isn't this, like, $50 for a bottle?”

Fallon waves a hand dismissively. “That’s exactly why I got it; you’re not gonna cry over your ex. Wine of any kind is crying juice. Vodka makes you a dumb bitch, and bottom shelf tequila makes you cry, a dumb bitch, and a ho. You need the good stuff, so we can bring out the bad bitch. Who can talk about her ex, get it all out, without crying again, or texting him, or posting a thirst trap.”

You roll your eyes. “That was only one time I accidentally sent you that nude instead of Grayson. And we were still together, so it didn't count as being a ho. I was just giving my boyfriend good spank bank material.”

Fallon is already rummaging through your cabinets, in search of the nearly-forgotten shot glasses. “Babe, you know I support every woman’s right to be a ho as much as she wants, especially after a breakup, but this is Grayson we’re talking about. You two were so into each other, it was toxic. You fought all the time, and by your own admission fixed everything with sex. You’re addicted, and as your best friend, I’m inserting myself here to keep you from talking to him anymore.”

She turns around, two little glasses in hand, and looks at you then the bottle in your hands pointedly. You give in and pull out the stopper and the Don Julio Blanco to her.

“Now, I’m not gonna get you drunk. But we’re gonna get enough in you to loosen up that tongue, you’re gonna get all your Grayson shit out before I leave, and we’re gonna go to bed happy and feeling better,” she says matter-of-factly, pouring the clear liquid into the glasses. She hands one of them to you. “Cheers, bitch.”

Right before you clink and tap, Fallon’s phone buzzes. She leans over to check it where it’s resting on the counter, and her eyes widen. “Shit...”

“What?” you ask concernedly. Fallon puts down her glass and starts typing madly.

“It’s my downstairs neighbor. She said Roxy’s been barking for nearly an hour straight and she’s gonna file another noise complaint if I don’t get there to let her out.” She stops for a moment and looks at you. “Shit. I’ll get evicted if I get another one. Like actually evicted.”

Fallon’s dog Roxy has serious attachment issues, which is usually extremely annoying, but right now you're thanking her. You love Fallon to death, but this isn’t exactly the friend therapy you needed or expected when you called her up to come over.

“Dude, go! I promise I’m fine. I don’t need to worry about you being homeless on top of my shit.”

“Okay. I’m sorry, babe, I promise I’ll FaceTime you as soon as I’m home.” She’s gathering her things, leaving the tequila open on the counter. “Make good choices, please. Love you!”

“Love you!” you call out behind her as she rushes through the door.

The door slams, and it leaves a ringing silence almost as loud as your best friend. You look around at your suddenly empty apartment, your eyes landing on the still-full shot glasses.

What the hell? You snatch one of them off the counter and down it with a grimace. Admittedly, it was the best tequila you’ve ever had, but it’s still tequila. The burn travels down your esophagus and settles in your near-empty belly. The sensation reminds you that you’ve hardly eaten today, and one shot was probably more than enough considering your lack of food and the fact that you’ve probably reverted to being an extreme lightweight after not drinking for so long.

You and Grayson have barely been broken up for a month, and despite how hard it’s been, you haven't been tempted to touch more than a glass of wine or an occasional Whiteclaw if the stress of the day was too much. But it never felt right to have more. Grayson is still a part of you, even though that’s part of the reason you broke up to begin with. The two of you were becoming codependent on each other, which was turning into jealousy and neediness that built up into huge, explosive fights and ended with you fucking on whatever surface was nearest.

It was, indeed, a vicious, toxic cycle. Even though you tell yourself it’s for the best, you also can’t shake the feeling that the two of you aren’t done. That there’s still hope for your relationship, especially now that you’ve spent time apart.

Fallon’s tactics have backfired as you stomp back to the couch and snatch your phone off the cushion. Julio has given you the liquid courage you need to do exactly what Fallon told you not to.

I miss u

A classic. You wish you had it in you to be more creative, but the simple truth of it is: you do miss him. You miss his laugh. You miss his smell. You miss coming home to him, either here or at his house, after a long day. You miss his kisses. You miss his dick.

There’s little shame for yourself in admitting that. You used it to solve your problems, but you were blind to that before the breakup. Everything is more clear now, especially the fact that you still love him deeply.

Suddenly, your phone starts buzzing. You don’t even look at the caller ID, assuming it’s Fallon calling impatiently from her car.

“Hello?”

“Hey.”

The deep voice on the other end of the phone startles you, and you hold it away from your face to see his name in big, white letters. No longer ‘Gray’ with some heart emojis, but ‘Grayson Dolan.’

You swallow hard and put the phone back to your ear. “Uh, hi, Hey.”

There’s a beat of silence before he speaks again. “I, uh, got your text.”

You don’t say anything, picking at a piece of fluff on your slipper.

“I miss you too. Like, a lot. Too much.”

You bite your lip tightly, chewing it nervously. You hadn’t expected him to fucking call. Calling and texting had two very different vibes. Over text, you would probably say something cute and calm and ask if the two of you could get coffee tomorrow.

But a call? You can hear his voice for the first time in weeks. It makes you want to jump through the phone and wrap him in your arms, to cry in his chest -- from happiness or sadness, you’re not sure. Either way, this is the closest you’ve felt to him in so long, and it makes you weak.

Grayson may be loud, but he’s good at shutting up when he wants an answer. It’s one of the things that drove you most crazy when you fought. He’d yell his piece, then stare at you until you had a retort. Sometimes you did, sometimes you didn't; you were always both at fault, for the most part.

You take a deep breath and find your voice at last. “Me too. I...I haven’t been doing so great. Without you.”

She hears him sigh. “Me neither.” He pauses, and you wait anxiously. “Look, I’ll be honest. I was with Ethan when I got your text and he...well, he doesn’t think it’s a good idea that I called you. Or that we’re talking to each other, period.”

He leaves his sentence hanging, almost like an open-ended question without phrasing it as such. You can't stop the laugh from bubbling past your lips as you shake your head. “Fallon was just over at my place and said the same thing. So that either makes us really fucking stupid, or our best friends just don’t understand.”

“Famous last words, either way,” Grayson chuckled with you. You can hear crickets chirping in the background, and imagine he’s sitting outside by the pool. The two of you used to like to do that together.

You decide to follow his example and head out to your balcony, plopping down in one of the plastic chairs with your knees tucked to your chest. “What do you think about us talking, then?”

He doesn't miss a beat. “I think I miss you. And I love you. And I know I fucked up a lot, but I’ve been actually reflecting on everything that was wrong with us and I think I know now what I can do better. This time apart has been really fucking hard, but I think it was a good thing. For me, anyways.”

Your lip finds its way between your teeth again. You clamp it hard to hold back the shake in your voice. “Me too, Gray. I wasn’t perfect by any means, either. But as long as we both know what we need to work on, I want to try again if you do.”

“I do want that,” Grayson sighs, relief flooding his voice. He laughs that laugh you missed so much. “You have no idea how happy that makes me. I’ve been driving E crazy having these meltdowns all the time thinking about how I fucked up so bad that I wouldn’t ever get you back.”

You smile into your knees, and decide in that moment to risk it for the sake of your biscuit, which throbs at the mere thought and sound of him. “Is it too early to mention that I miss all of you?”

“Careful, or I might think you only want me back for my body.”

“I mean, I definitely had to use my imagination a few times without the real thing. I only had to think of you, though. How good you fuck me.”

This right here is probably where the tequila is coming in to play. Fallon was wrong again; you’re about to go Full Ho, having phone sex with your kind-of ex.

His breath picks up nearly imperceptibly, but you can also hear the smirk in his voice. “How many times did I make you squirt in the tiny house shed that one time, baby? That was so hot.”

“Mm, it was so good, Gray. I remember you had to carry me inside to your bed because I couldn’t walk. And then you fucked me nice and hard on your bed.” A rush of wetness floods your panties, and you squeeze your thighs together. “You came all in my mouth that night. I miss how your cum tastes.”

“Fuck,” he whispers. “Can I come over?”

You hesitate. You think of Fallon, of Ethan, of Don Julio. Of Grayson.

“Yes. Please.”

#anon i LOVE kehlani #and this song #sorry it wasn't super sexy #i loved writing this might fuck around and add to it eventually #whoever this character is has my dumb bitch energy #dolan twins #grayson dolan #blurb #g blurb

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idio-cies · 3 years

Text

JATP- Wake Up Dissection

“Wake Up” is structured like a conversation between Julie and her Mother.

Not only did her Mother (I think we are all agreed on Rose here?) write it for her, knowing that Julie will have a tough time, but she left gaps for Julie to fill. Julie is Rose’s legacy, by Julie filling in the gaps, she is continuing the memory of her mother. This is what Julie realises; she can keep her mother “alive” with music- which figuratively is what Luke, Reggie and Alex experience, and also how Julie “awakens” them in the first place is by playing their music. Anyway. This is about JULIE.

Just a PSA. Wake up is the first song I listened to before I watched the show so I could see if I wanted to watch it or not. Madison absolutely blew me away with her vocals, she has that raw talent that you just can’t autotune to make it that way. That is what had me sold, along with the meaning of this song etc. The raw piano throughout this is one of the reasons why I love this song as well.

This song is so emotionally driven and deep. I have seen people compare it to Unsaid Emily. They do contrast, but mostly point out how Unsaid Emily is possibly more upsetting. Wake Up is emotional, because the journey Julie has in this one song counteracts the sadness, it is meant to make you feel warmer and happier because that is literally what it’s doing for Julie; it is revitalising her!

Anyway the song!

The feel of the keys- She does this in her audition as well, showing how emotionally painful it is.

The piano in this is just beautifully powerful, if you could imagine listening to this as an instrumental, you can almost imagine that the sun is rising… it starts off like nature is waking up, it really is special. Julie’s expressions are so key as well.

“Here’s the one thing that I want you to know, you got someplace to go”- this is her mum telling her that she has talent and that she can see her going far in this pursuit of music. Her Mum is giving her advice in this song. Julie is focused on her mother’s words

“Life’s a test, yes, but you go toe-to-toe”- This is pretty self-explanatory. You take life one step at a time, even if it is cumbersome. Julie smiles a little at this, it’s a little bit of rhetoric, as she knows life is tough.

“You don’t give up, no, you grow”- Julie did give up, she was very close to giving up all together because it was too much for her. But Rose here is giving her that little extra push and love telling her that she will be alright and it’s all part of life.

“And you use your pain, ‘cause it makes you you”- The expression “it's not what the pain is, it’s how you deal with it” comes into mind. How one responds to pain is what determines what type of person you are. Julie did run away from it, she wasn’t yet ready to face it and move forward. She was letting grief rule her, but Rose here is telling her that pain; adversity can be a blessing. It can make you stronger and brighter. Also look at Julie’s expressions here, she is thinking it over and considering them. She is listening and feeling her mother’s words

“Though I wish I could hold you through it”- This is where it is most prominent (other than the fact that Rose left this song for Julie in the first place) that they all knew her mother was going to pass away. So it was a terminal illness. She is sorry that she is going, but she is trying to give her life and a meaning to keep going in response, because she knows what talent Julie has, and knew how Julie would respond I imagine, hence why she left the song for her. Julie looks up at this point and this is where she chokes up a little. This phrase has a deep connection to when Julie is outside the Orpheum and asks for Rose to hold her and tell her everything will be okay.

“I know it’s not the same, you’ve got living to do, and I just want you to do it” I like how straightforward Rose is though. She knows that physically being there is what is wanted, but she is hoping to get Julie to realise that wallowing in her grief will not allow herself to live a good life that she is destined to have, which is what she needs.

“So get up, get out, relight that spark.” - Julie suddenly becomes very serious and determined in this moment. She got the heartwarming speech, and now she is being told directly to literally “get up”. This just speaks a lot to me. I’m a lucky person who has a good relationship with my mum, I know not everyone does. But you know when you go through pitfalls throughout life, whether its a scrape of the knee when you’re young, a breakup or fallout, a depressive episode, or not knowing where life is headed for you and you just have a sob and you wish for your mum (or dad) to be there to just give you a hug and give soothing words, then when you’ve calmed down they tell you that you can continue because they know you are capable, but they urge you on so you realise that for yourself. I can’t imagine losing that. My mum lost her mum last year. They had a rocky relationship to begin with, but ended up with a good relationship and ever since then I realised how much pain my mum must’ve been in, so I very much bawled at this song.

That little soothing and then the short words of “get up, get out” is what Julie needed. Julie clearly had security from her parents, but she needed a bit more of a push. Interestingly the “soothing” words is the approach that her Dad tries and probably Mr. Turner, which she did not appreciate. Julie also pointed out how she felt everyone around her treated her life she was about to snap. They were being too soft on her, so this little push is what she needed.

“You know the rest by heart”- Rose knows Julie is talented, and that Julie will know what to do when she comes to it. This is the turning point.

“Wake up, wake up if it’s all you do”- I identify this as referring to depression, something that you will no doubt feel when a loved one passes away. Sometimes it’s very hard to just wake up and get out of bed, so the fact that Rose tells her to “wake up if it’s all you do” is something that speaks to me, and also links to when she was saying about taking things a step at a time.

I need to go off a minute on the cinematography here! First we get the piano which is Julie’s instrument that she inherited(?) from her mother, and the fact that we see it in the dark, and as it progressively gets lighter is another symbol of saying “This is a reflection of Julie” and how the light is coming back into her.

Then a totally different angle with the sun rising as it literally lights the room. Julie literally reawakens the room with her music. She brings life back into the room (remember when she talks to Emily about how magical and good the studio is). This angle as well makes it look like Julie is some kind of avenging angel. It is meant to isolate her, but it does the exact opposite. You have absolutely no feeling of isolation or sadness. If there was this angle at the beginning then yes it would, but the addition of the sun makes it warm and welcoming.

“It’s not what you lost, it’s what you’ll gain raising your voice to the rain”- It’s all about the strength that Julie will gain from her loss. “Raising your voice to the rain” Is such a beautiful line for many reasons. There is a metaphor of whatever Julie creates, is beautiful. I also interpret: Rain can be loud, and metaphorically speaking when you are “grey” or a “clouded mind” you are depressed and that can make your head feel loud and this line is saying to go above that. “Raising” as the sun is raising is very significant. It is “relighting” Julie and that she is the sun breaking through the “rain”. The Sunrise is also symbolic for new beginnings as well. But the rain can be a good thing; it means there is life and nourishment. Julie has found life to herself after the rain, as sun and water are needed in order for a plant to GROW. I mean the plants are literally all behind Julie...

Also I can’t help but think about how the sun and rain work together in this, and there are A LOT of rainbows in this show. I mean I know we have Alex, but there is only one around him and that’s his bracelet which is meant to tell us “This dude’s gay” the other rainbows are something else.

“Wake up your dream and make it true”- telling her to re-establish her dream, and go for it.

“Look out, look inside of you”- repeat, but this is where we see Ray along with “It’s not what you lost” and I just love that they added her family in. Ray was the one who didn’t want to push her, but was always there to encourage and support her. I added this in with “It’s not what you lost” because I think you can also associate it to her family. He lost too and he was losing another part of Rose with Julie and the instruments and he didn’t want Julie to hurt anymore. He must’ve been so proud of her to just sit at that piano.

“Relight that spark, time to come out of the dark”- a variation of what Rose has already said to Julie, but really hammering home the constant symbolism of Julie being the “spark”. Again, I like how straightforward she is being “Time to come out of the dark”. It’s been a year at this time with Julie and she is at a crossroads, but the song isn’t pushing her so far, it’s literally just like giving her the matches and she’s the one that needs to take one out and light it.

“Better wake those demons, better look them in the eye”- trample on those demons girl, you’ve got this. I can’t tell whether this is Julie, or Rose. I think it’s Julie considering the rest of the verse. This is ironic. You would expect demons to be “awake” at night, but this song is talking about coming out of the dark, so she is basically bringing light to her flaws/pain, not letting them haunt her and owning them.

“No reason not to try”- she shouldn’t hold herself back because there shouldn’t be anything hindering her. Look at her though! She is enjoying this so much.

“Life can be a mess, I won’t let it cloud my mind”- It is literally Julie’s response to what Rose was telling her about life being a test etc. Julie is embracing it now and she will stand up to fight.

“I’ll let my fingers fly”- I like this. Julie is linked to butterflies (another rebirth symbol), but also with music much of it comes from your fingers anyway by playing instruments or writing music etc., so I just thought this was cute.

“And I use the pain, ‘cause it’s part of me. And I’m ready to power through it”- again responding directly from what her mother told her to use the strength from pain as it makes her who she is. Also just look at how much power and emotion she is putting into these lyrics. She knows she is ready to go forward. She arrived at that herself, she could’ve stopped, or not responded, but she knows.

“Gonna find the strength, find the melody. ‘Cause you showed me how to do it”- Her mother is within her, she is the one who taught her, but ultimately Julie will ride to her own beat, carrying the memory and legacy of her mother.

Repeat of the chorus, but she looks up again on “you know the rest by heart”, however, this time it’s as if she was saying thank you with power and strength under her belt. Julie completely gives herself over to the music as well

I also like that they included Carlos also admiring Julie, he clearly was also proud of her for picking up music again, and I just… I know there wasn’t terribly much with Julie and Carlos but it just shows you how much he looks up to her. Plus, this probably makes him reminisce about his mother in the best possible way as well. Carlos and Ray are kind of the same in this instance, though I would argue to say that Ray was more emotional, Carlos is just more content.

“So wake that Spirit, spirit”- I do think this is ironic, because of the Phantoms, as well as it being Julie’s spirit inside of her. Julie did ignite the guys’ spirits, metaphorically and physically. Listening to their music is what brought them back, but their spirit for music and being able to connect was also reignited. I mean she literally rises up like a “spirit” in this moment...

“I wanna hear it, hear it” At this point Julie looks up, like she is singing so loud, she wants her mum to hear it. I think these are Rose’s words once again and is the reason Julie is belting up.

“No need to fear it, you’re not alone” Definitely Rose’s words, another reiteration of what has been said previously. Julie has always had the support of her family and Flynn, but she also now has the support of the guys who were the ones who also prodded her to reawakening her music (Luke says about how playing music made him feel alive again and any musician would revell in how it would feel to get it back. This is what gets Julie thinking and what she feels during this song), and literally supported her on stage for the sake of supporting her (see bright performance).

“You’re going to find your way home”- the reassurance of Rose’s words at the beginning after telling her to get up and get out there. There is also a safe space for her to reside

This moment is just so powerful, she has fully succumbed to the music. The sun behind her with the plants and the glass. I just can’t help but feel like this is a sense of refraction because of when I was talking about the rain and sun making rainbows, but anyway. This scene is just beautiful because you just know that they are telling us that she has awoken and that her voice is a gift. That Julie is the light shining as well. It changes angle, and it was not until the third time I watched this song did I notice you see tear stains. She’s smiling, but those tear stains just tell me of the journey she made solely through that song alone, how she would’ve been crying because of the pain but also just crying from elation and figuring out what she has to do with her mother’s gift to her of music.

This last chorus has “when you feel lost, relight that spark” and I just find it interesting that it pans to Luke with “when you feel lost”. This is important as he felt lost when he regretted running away, and how Julie and Luke’s story are connected in a similar way. Julie “lost” her music and Luke “lost” his chance at repair. But anyway, it’s still all the same message of “you will find your way back, just believe in yourself and your ability because you have the power to be great.”

How she ends it though, is just pure joy. As she should, she is clearly proud of herself as well, and I can’t imagine how much relief she must have felt after she took that stride.

I also think that having the guys standing behind her with the light is meant to signify how they are behind her; they are a part of her support and will help her in her path to greatness.

Madison is amazing and I still can’t believe this is her first time acting. She executed it perfectly, from the emotion in her face, body language to her voice.

And then it reveals that Rose left a message for her. “Julie, you can do it <3 Love, Mom” and that is where you wail. Her mother believes in her so much and it’s honestly just so beautiful.

This has been my dissection of “Wake Up”

I hope I haven’t broken too many people

#jatp #julie and the phantoms #julie molina #jatp julie #jatp analysis #jatp meta #this was so long I'm sorry #and I have a feeling I may have broken a few people if they read this #I know I broke myself writing this

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