#and now i have 20 more pounds until im at my goal

[jinmukangwrites]

I can't be obnoxious about this to people I know irl so I just want to say I've finally successfully lost 10 pounds :3

I just want to tell someone

#ive been struggling with weight since i was in elementary #like nearly 15 years maybe #now im 23 and ive finally found out what works for me and weight loss #and now i have 20 more pounds until im at my goal #idk im proud of myself #and i did it all without fad diets or starving myself or whatever #just calary counting and making more conscious decisions on portion control #anyways #tw eating issues #eating disoder trigger warning #weight tw #weight loss #jin rambles #delete later

[miragemage]

okay i'm gonna talk about weight stuff so if you don't want to see this kind of thing please keep scrolling it's not worth reading this post if it's gonna be upsetting i'm so serious.

so may 11th 2021 i weighed 244.6lbs. today i weighed myself and i'm at 176.2. i started this month at 185.3, so i've lost nearly 10 pounds already. my goal for this month was 170, but honestly I'll take 176. goal for september is 160, and I'll just keep at it this way until I'm at my target weight of 140 and then work on building up muscle and doing more resistance training. I want to be able to do pull ups properly. I'm proud of myself tbh.

i've been using a little handmade calendar i taped to my mirror in my bedroom to help me keep track of my weight. green for days i exercised and for how long, blue for rest days, and yellow for days i didn't exercise but was still active during (like when i was installing the living room floor with my father in law. not "exercise" but still a lot of movement all day for three days straight.) and Red for days where I literally can't remember that day at all, which happens to me sometimes. Being able to look and see how many days are green is so helpful, Im really glad I tried it. I've learned that it isn't really about how much time you spend exercising, it's more about being consistent.

Some days i was working out for 45+ minutes, other days I could only do 20 minutes before I felt exhausted. which is fine! it's great even. just 20 minutes is better than none at all, but even on rest days I didn't beat myself to death about not doing it because tomorrow I might have more energy. anyway sorry for the long post. i've been at an uncomfortable weight for a long time, but I'm feeling better now.

#okay let me tag this i know how weight talk can be triggering for some people but i wanted to talk about this so bad #weight loss // #weight ment tw #weight mention #cw weight #weight cw #okay please let me know if i forgot any tags or you want specific tags for posts like this #i'm just!! really proud of myself! #i've struggled with my weight and body image for a long time #and while weight loss is absolutely not a guaranteed fix for body image issues it certainly feels nice #to be able to see my progress as i go along. it's a good feeling #and i feel good generally speaking. my body aches less i can move easier. #my spinal injuries are more manageable as well i don't feel like i need a mobility aid just to walk down to the store #i was seriously looking into getting a cane to make it easier to walk #since i got hit by a car like two years ago and it absolutely trashed my right hip #but regular daily movement and therapeutic exercises have been a life saver #i feel like i have my body back #anyway #long post

[vitaminskin]

18 January 22

Breakfast: A breakfast sandwich on an English Muffin with one slice of Jalapeño Cheese, 1 large Egg, 2 slices of Turkey Bacon

Snack 1: Coffee with Almond Milk Creamer

Lunch: Turkey, Cheese Slices, Cucumber, Melba Toast

Snack 2: Ice cream

Dinner: Lean Cuisine Cheese Ravioli, Diet A&W Root Beer

Snack 3: Welchs Fruit Snacks

Total Calories: 1,449 (Roughly)

Morning Weigh In: 173lb

87 oz of water

Reminder of my Goals: I'm currently in the 170s range and I am 5'4. I would like to lose around 35 pounds to get back into a "healthy" weight range for myself. My goals for this year are to lose 1-1.5 pounds a week until I reach my goal and then work on maintaining.

Why do I want to lose weight? My average weight for the passed 5+ years was 150 pounds, But I felt my best at 135-140 pounds. Recently after starting anti depressants (that im not longer on) and being stuck inside due to covid, I had a fairly rapid weight gain of 20 pounds. At this weight I feel uncomfortable in most of my clothes, even most of my shoes are tight now. What is effecting me more than that is the pressure on my joints and the discomfort that I'm experiencing every day, specifically on my knees. My relationship with food has also changed, I'm reaching for sugar out of boredom, sadness, loneliness, most negative emotions that I have a lot more often since the pandemic started. Id like to swap this unhealthy habit for a better way to deal with my stress and in ways that make me feel good like exercise.

I was traveling a lot today but managed to get some movement in before I got busy. When I woke up this morning I did a bit of spin for about 20 minutes, then stretched out and did some light body weight work out and physio for my knee.

Really need to get my protein up, especially while healing from a muscle injury.

Stay healthy friends!

#healthy habits #weight loss #daily diary #food log #year of health #2022 goals #new years resolutions

[healthyhopefully]

Im Back...

it’s been a couple of years since I’ve really used this account because i hit my goal weight of 145. i maintained a weight between 145-155 for about two years after hitting my goal up until now, the past 3 to 4 maybe even 5 months (its hard to gauge time these days lol) I’ve gained more weight than i have wanted it started out me trying to eat to gain muscle but it turned into over eating and under exercising i’m currently 166 pounds as of today that’s after eating I know i shouldn’t weigh myself after eating but i know my body. im about 20 pounds heavier today than i was this day last year, i try not to be too hard on myself because of quarantine and covid has made this year a lot different from what anyone couldve expected. im just back to try and keep myself motivated and lose this little bit of weight i know i can do this ive lost more before so this shouldnt be too hard my goal date is somewhere around valentines day lol im wanna feel sexy again by then my weight gain has brought me back to an old place i dont like even tho 15 or 20 pounds may not seem like a lot to some the feeling of my clothes being too tight hurts a lot i dont wanna to feel like that anymore ive felt that feeling plenty of times in this life lol im good off that so im getting it together right now  

IM BACK AGAIN💀 and heavier than ever before I’m currently 230 which is crazy asf I had got to 235 but I was also getting my period so idk if that contributed lol ,a lot of things have added to this weight gain but I’m back on my health journey and I want to feel good about myself again I would love to just be 166 again I thought I was huge then but I’ve gained so much in a short amount of time. I love myself and I’m done treating my body like trash I’ve been attempting to eat healthier and lower calories for the past 2 and a half maybe 3 weeks , I’ve been tracking calories and I starting exercising again a few days ago . I feel alot better already just knowing I’m in control because I’ve felt so out of control these past few months I definitely know wishing the past 3-4 months I’ve gained 30 lbs which has me at my heaviest so it made me do some introspection I know I’m an emotional eater and I went way overboard I got trapped in a terrible cycle that I don’t want to go through again. Covid was the initial trigger to my binge eating issues and basically my addiction to sugar got reignited, before that I had kept my weight off for over 2 +years until the quarantine and things have just went downhill from there. I had got trapped at a job I hated after the quarantine which made me eat more to numb my feelings and make me feel like I have more joy in my life that I was dreading back then. But enough rambling, I just want to use this as a journey or me talking about my feelings and documenting my weight loss journey again… the first time was so hard and this time is gonna be even harder but I just know I can do it, I don’t want this weight to define me I don’t feel like I’m who I can be . My whole heart is in this fitness journey .

[flowers-that-i-sent]

🌻🌠 i lost 2 pounds 🌠🌻

Im still overweight by 50lbs.

Not even close to my 1st goal of 150

I will still never get to my ugw of 95lbs (really 85) bc its completely unrealistic for my body type

I will still never have a thigh gap at my realistic goal weight of 115lbs bc its not realistic to my body type. They will always rub together. Rash life for life.

Switching to peas and duck sauce worked. Keep eating peas for a meal.

Drinking 1/2 gallon of diet green iced tea throughout the day worked. Keep drinking it. It'll also make you feel less water trashy.

Violet mints work great for a snack substitute and does make me go (bad bad stomach pains). Not sure if thats good or not. I dont see a change in weight solely based on that even though my curiosity came from a reddit of someone losing 30lbs by eating too many and accidentally causing an exlax reaction. It's a nice feeling emptying my stomach though.

Its MOST LIKELY WATER WEIGHT so I cant rejoiced in weight lost until at least 5 more pounds are lost.

Im so so so so tired of seeing one friend after another succeeding in major weight lost and im gaining. Im definitely not trying hard enough.

One guy friend quit drinking the same time I did and cleaned his diet a bit. He lost 70lbs in 7 months. I gained 15. Wtf is that shit? Im happy for him but why didn't it work for me?

He was close to 300lbs when he started dieting. Probably ate well over 3000 a day unlike me who ate about 2300 a day.

He drank tons of beer. I drank liquor and wine. Beer makes you bloated and has more to it then just calories (high in carbs). Cut the beer out and cut out extra carbs . I didn't cut tons of carbs when I quit drinking.

Hes a dude. Dudes lose weight easily

I had two kids and my body is just fcked. I have hanging skin from where my babies grew.

I hate how people say i should love my pouch bc it grew my babies. I love my babies more then anything in the world and hating the pouch doesn't mean I regret having kids . Please stop saying this to moms. You're fcking our heads up.

At least 3 of my female friends got gastric bypass surgery. 2 lost well over 100lbs and the other is close to losing 90lbs.

They got surgery. You didn't. Thats why they lost weight. Why can't I comprehend this.

All 3 were above 250lbs. 1 was over 300. My heaviest was 250 right after giving birth. Im at 184lbs currently. I was 172 when they all got the work done. Granted 2 of them are way smaller then me now but its not the same deck of cards.

The one woman talked about the surgery right before and right after it happen. Once she started losing weight she stopped talking about it like she lost the weight on her own. That pissed me off so much. OWN IT. Don't lead people on saying shyt like "exercise and eating better lolz". Or when they asked how and she looks great just saying "thanks doll" with out an explanation. I know its her right not to out her surgery but she's making people think she's doing it on her own. DONT DO THAT. Be real.

My other 2 friends who look slamming went on the keto diet. Lost 50-60 lbs. Did it with a healthier mindset.

One has cancer and took her life more seriously. Only went on the weight lost journey to fight her cancer. She is an amazing person and im so happy for her.

The other I dont think ever took dieting seriously until recently. She ate a lot of hearty meals. She started working out and did keto. She looks great.

I need to remember that their bodies were never tortured. Their bodies never went through a starvation mode and this was the way my body reacted when I first started starving myself when I was in my 20s. I've then recovered and gained tons of weight. My metabolism is so fcked now.

I've tried keto before. Im 99% sure I had a heart attack bc of it. I went from eating almost no meat to only eating meat and cheese. I hated eating all that meat. Cheese was good though.

That's All Folks!!

#weight lost #rant #ed trigger #anorexik #ednos

[heythrrdelilah]

Lights, Camera, Love (Tom Holland x Reader) Chapter 1

  A/N: So, I’ve been wanting to write for Tom for a while now, I hope all the marvel fans approve. I have incorporated some of my personal goals; like acting since I did 7+ years of theater throughout my life and my certification in Radio/film broadcasting. Also, My nursing degree im working on. So this plot may seem cheesy because of it but… oh well. Also playing off the easter egg of Gwen in endgame. 

Word Count: 1,642 (the next chapters will be better and longer sorry)

Warnings/tags: Fluffish, slow beginning (sorry.... it’s been a while since I’ve written anything), friend-zone

Pairings: Tom Holland x Reader

The cold winter breeze sent chills down your spine, making you regret not taking a bigger jacket or adding a few more layers to your outfit. Today, was your first day of work as a small part in the new Marvel movie. You hadn’t known much about it, because today was the first table read for your scene. The main cast had done their table reading months ago, however, for certain scenes, the small parts come in with the main cast as needed. You knew that you had more than one line, otherwise you would be placed with the extras. When you auditioned, you didn’t have a preference for a role, which was ideal for the directors. Directors usually want to have complete creative criticism over everything. Plus, you didn’t have an agent anyways, you had just heard of the audition through an online alert you set for google. Your regular day job was a nurse, which you were thankful that the hospital gave you days off for the filming. 

“ID and reason for entry please?” The guard at the gates asked you when you arrived in your 2019 yellow and black camero. You nodded, reaching for your purse. Your nerves were causing your hand to shake as you passed your ID along. “Studio 9, Marvel. I play Mikayla, a small role,” You stated with a nervous, shaky tone. He marked you down on the ipad he wielded and passed you your ID along with a parking pass. He pressed the button for the gate to open and you went through, finding your way to the studio. You parked in the assigned spot, which was shockingly close to the studio building and exited. 

Nervously gripping your coffee, you walked slowly into the building. There was a security guard in the doorway, who gave you a pass and directions to the reading table. You walked slowly through the building, seeing hundreds of employees rushing around to build sets, props, costumes, lighting, and several agents on their phones. It was seven in the morning and people were already working so hard. You dodged several people rolling giant wooden boards, along with piles of paint. From upstairs, where the reading room was, you could look down to the floor and see everything from above, as the rooms and offices were all around the sides of the building, leaving the middle open. You looked for office number 24 as instructedd in the email. As you reached the windowless room and door, you knocked gently before entering. The room was warm and smelled like a coffee shop. The lights were perfectly balanced between dim and bright. The tables were set in one big circle and the only other person in the room at the moment was a small blonde with rolled up knit sleeves, placing gift baskets at every seat. “Hello! You must be (y/n)! You’re early!” She smiled, placing another basket at another seat. I waved slightly, “Good morning, yeah sorry I actually thought I was running late. Would you like some help?” You placed your coffee and purse down on the table against the wall with the coffee pots, yes...plural. You rushed over to the two carts of baskets and began placing the heavy packets on the table.  You hadn't even noticed the names on the baskets either.  

"I'm Clara, by the way. I'm the Mr. Whedon's assistant," She placed her dainty hand out for you to shake. She was the same height as you,  but probably weighed 20 pounds less given her viable bone lines.  You were careful to lightly shake her hands. You didn't want to be objective when looking at her,  guessing her weight,  but your previous struggle with an eating disorder left a mark on your brain when it comes to this stuff.  She was pretty in the way every other shy girl who moves to LA is. Definitely stuck out in this city,  Atlanta that is. 

"So the director gives gift baskets to even the smallest of roles?  That's super cool," You walked over to the coffee stand and took your cup.  She followed,  pouring herself a nesspresso.  "Small roles? No. There are too many characters with less than 10 lines. Why?" She took a second before her Raven black brows lifted,  "oh shit!  You don't know? They told you that you didn't get mIkayla right?" Wow-what a shot to the heart!  You thought to yourself. You swallowed the lump in your throat and shook your head.  "Well, you blew everyone away and they didn’t want to waste your talent on a classmate of peter. So, they decided it was time for Gwen Stacy to head into the Avenger world,” Clara informed. You scrunch your brows together, “Wait… is this why we saw a glimpse of Gwen in Endgame? That is honestly so sick!” You couldn’t contain your excitement. Your expression grew into a big smile. You were a big marvel fan, so this job  was a double dream come true. It hadn’t actually hit you that you were Gwen Stacy until you found your seat. The gift basket in front of you had a place marker attatched, like one at an office, that read “Gwen Stacy/ (y/n),” you were reading out loud. “How many acting jobs have you had before this?” Clara asked cheerily. You placed your coffee down next to the basket, “This is the first professional one.” Just as Clara was about to state something, the door opened behind her. 

Walking in was the tall blonde you could never not recognize, Chris Hemsworth. Your heart skipped a beat seeing him in person. Sure, you’ve met a few small celebrities before at concerts, but never someone with so much recognition. He was wearing jeans and a baseball Tee, his hair was spiked up and his smile was plastered on his face. He looked down at Clara and gave her a friendly side hug, “Nice to see you as always.” His accent was like cutting butter. Smooth and pleasing. She smiled up at him before motioning to the coffee. “As always, same to you. The coffee is set up and this film’s gift baskets are an assortment of pastries. Yes, this means apple fritters,” she smiled, pointing to his seat. You were frozen at your chair, hearing your heartbeat in your ears. “Oh I’m not the first one? This is different!” He began walking over to your direction. You found the courage to stand up, smoothening out the wrinkles in your shirt during the process. “Hi, I’m (y/n). I am apparently playing Gwen Stacy,” You placed your hand for him to shake. He towered over you, as you were pretty short. His firm grip on your heand suddenly calmed you, “i’m Chris. Nervous? I heard this was your first film?” You nodded slowly. This was just another person. Celebrities are people and you would just have to think that when everyone else walked through the door. “It’s so funny, I thought I had a small part, but Clara informed me otherwise just this morning. I thought you had all table read months ago,” You blabbed, taking a sip from your coffee. He chuckled, “They probably meant for it to be a surprise,” He spoke loud enough for Clara to hear that last part, “We read earlier than the small roles, but that doesn’t start until today.” You nodded smiling. This had to of been a dream. “Gwen stacy isn’t even an avenger though and-” Chris cut you off, placing his hand on your shoulder, “It’s the film industry. Nothing has to be accurate. Just accept it and welcome.” Chris walked over to his chair a few down from you, already opening his bag, placing the name card visible to the center of the circle. You placed yours in the same fashion. Shortly after, the door opened once more. Tom Holland walked through sporting a hoodie and jeans. When he looked up from his phone, he greeted Clara and Chris first, before finding his seat beside you. He turned to you, “You must be our Gwen? Im Tom.” He placed his hand out for you to shake, which you kindly did. He was much more handsome in person, in fact, it made your stomach knot up just looking at him. After introducing yourself, you removed the gift basket from the top of the table and placed it beside you, just as the other two had. 

“First table read?” He asked, his british accent melting your heart. You nod slowly, “Yeah. I am honestly afraid I’ll be laughed out of the room by the end of the day.” You finished the last gulp of your coffee and pushed your chair back to stand up and walk over to the coffee station. Tom followed, to your surprise. “Listen, Can I tell you a secret?” He asked in a hushed tone, grabbing a glass mug from the table, giving you one after he tossed the paper cup into the trash. You nodded, “If they put you in a role higher than what you auditioned for, you must be good. I highly doubt you will be laughed out of the room.” Your face burned red as his kind words actually sunk into your mind.  You shook your head. You had to be professional. These were the people you were going to see every day for a good year. No way could you be blushing at every Avenger walking through the door just trying to create a friendly environment. 

“In fact, if you are laughed out of the room, I will walk out with you. Losing both of us. If not… you have to hang out with us after the table read? We all planned on going out for pasta. You aren’t one of those carbphobic ladies are you?” He asked, nudging you slightly. Friendly.

Return to Tom Holland/ Peter Parker Masterlist

Return to masterlist

#tom holland fluff #tom holland x you #tom holland fic #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #tom holland fandom #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland #peter parker #peter parker x reader #spider-man #spiderman #avengers #marvel fanfiction #marvel fanfic #marvel #tom holland series #chris hemsworth #thor #tloveswriting #LightsCameraLove

[proctorgoldberg4-blog]

6 Tips On Making Training A Practice.

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[tumblunni]

HI EVERY BODY AAAA

Gonna try and make a quick half weekly update maybe probably! Sorry that i've only been emailing a few people so far, i have to wait a week to get a library card so i can use the library email service. So i've just been running around trying to catch wild wifi wherever it may be, and then kinda failing so i used up some of my mobile data. And i need to ration that throughout the month so i was gonna try sending only weekly emails but then some people sent me emails so i had to reply and then i was like OH NO i am neglecting the everyone else AAAAA

So umm anyway im on mobile data right now and i cant really browse the tumbl cos images and stuff really burn it up. But i can make this one post!! Yay!! Aaa!!

Umm okay maybe i'll make a second post with Big Rambling About What's Happen, for now i kinda need to make a Dumb Ask For Money Time.

I feel so damn guilty cos i havent even finished paying back the 20 bucks some friends leant me two weeks ago for groceries, cos there was all the stress of moving and i just COMPLETELY FORGOT until it was too late and im already here aaaa! And then i was stupid yesterday and i gave all my money to a homeless guy out in the rain. Like i know i should be calling myself stupid cos it was reckless and i didnt think about taking care of myself also, but like i dont think it was stupid cos that guy needed it more than i did. He actually gave me a hug! I felt so bad, like man nobody must have been donating to him if he got so emotional over just that much! I wished i could have given more!! He was stuck in RAIN nobody was helping him in the RAIN what the hell sort of monsters are they?! It was like the windiest rainstorm all year so far! Shop displays were flying out the doors and people were getting beaned in the head with acorns and stuff! This dude had nothing to his name except a lil not very waterproof looking sleeping bag!! It was hard enough to stay out of the rain just as a regular shopping person, imagine how hard it must be to try and find a place to sleep rough when there's all stupid cops chasing you away from anywhere visible because 'blah blah blah tourism we have the army recruitment rally today'. BOOO! there was a goddamn actual tank up at a historic monument of pre-britain celtic civilization and im just like wow fuck you how dare you market this to literal schoolchildren on a summer trip. Anyway i'm going offtopic, what's really important is the SECOND homeless person that i didnt have enough money to help because i gave it all to the first guy. He was an elderly veteran with a missing arm! SO MANY PEOPLE STUCK OUT IN THE DAMN RAIN INCLUDING FORMER SOLDIERS, GOD FUCK U SO MUCH ARMY. Umm anyway so yeah "bunni it is reckless to throw all your money at a stranger and keep none for grocery" NO it is reckless because what if you find another stranger who EVEN MORE needs it more than i do!!!!

Anyway i've been rambling a lot but i just thought that wtf it probably sounds fake to say 'oh i gave all my money to someone in trouble' that sounds like im boasting about my humbleness somehow. So yeah there's a Detailed Ramble that hopefully proves it i guess?? But yeah i have no money now until the 28th. Whoops. Luckily i dont need as much money while im here at the mental hospital cos i eat most meals at the shared kitchen and you have a 4 bucks a week allowance to buy additional supplies. They said i can get the juice i like, cos im stupidly picky and struggle taking my pills with plain water. And i have a bus pass now! A surprise benefit of being hospital'd! The picture on it looks TERRIBLE, i wish i could show you guys! And of course i dont have to pay gas bills here. So all the biggest money pains are gone! But then i've been signed up for two classes each week that are like two towns away and really early in the morning with me probably only getting back at 2pm cos of the travel time. And i wont have free food there, im not allowed to take anything out of the shared kitchen even if its a lunchbox or somethin. So i kinda just need some spare money so i can grab a sandwich or something in the supermarket along the way. And of course there's the fact its just damn hard to kill your boredom in a place like this, so aaa i wish i could buy some cheap books from the thrift store or something. And then there's the biggest ludicrous temptation of there being a BUILD A BEAR WORKSHOP NEAR THE HOSPITAL!! AAAAAAAA!! With the new pokemon collection!! Alola vulpix!! I'm not gonna ask for donations for that, obviously, but i just wanted to tell you cos its AWESOME and its frustrating i have to go past it on this bus route. My goal is to get you by the end of the month, lil snowy friend!!!

SO YEAH SORRY IM GETTING OFFTOPIC HERE I JUST WANNA TELL YOU ABOUT EEEEEVERYTHINGGGGG

Short version: I don't really have a specific amount i'm asking for, im just gonna keep this paypal pool open for the first month and like if you can spare any change it would really help! The help bunni get adjusted to new and terrifying live in hospital strangeness fund! Because bunni was an idiot and gave away all their money on the first damn day! Gahhh!! Okay so seriously if you have anything to spare and ONLY if you have it to spare, i would really appreciate your help. Even if its just 1 dollar/pound/other local currency of which you own! I will hug you greatly!! And if you wanna be added to the weekly email updates list then my email is [email protected] and i would super apprecoate keeping in touch! And if anyone wants to be pokemon go friends i will try and send you gifts everyday!! I need 3 more friends for a quest milestone lol.

OKAY IM TALKING TOO MUCH AAA

For to help the bunn, go the here! And umm lol if you want to signal boost then feel free to just take that link and make your own post thats way damn shorter than this nonsense, lol. I JUST MISS YOU ALL SO MUCHHHH

[lazypetals]

 one week later. i take back everything i said. it seems impossible at home. everything revolves around food. there is so much of it, everywhere. i don’t have the self-control to stop myself from binging. i don’t even want to call it binging because it’s not. i’m just eating all the time and pushing the thoughts of the calories away. i can’t bring myself to open mfp because i just want to EAT. one week later and it’s looking grim. sitting in my bed here at 2am, it seems easy to look back at what i said a week ago and say, ‘why not? why can’t i just stick to the plan?’ but everything is in reach. everything is free. my fatal flaw. at my uni house, i purchase only the exact quantity of food i want to eat in the week. i manage it to a T. when i want to eat at school, i really only see the numbers. how many calories is this teaspoon of cottage cheese? if the whole container cost me 3.29, plus the 10% discount applied then this serving is 0.74 cents. everything is necessity, i optimize everything i do, i track every aspect.

at home, that all seems to go out the window. food no longer has a monetary strain on me. i don’t need to walk for 40 minutes or take a bus to get my groceries. i don’t even have to get in the car. it’s all right there, everything i could want, in the cupboard.

i see a lot of posts about binges. about holding out all day and then eating 3,000 calories at night. and i had this false sense of superiority, thinking “i’m proud of myself. i don’t do that. i set my limits and stick to them, and if i do go over it’s very minimal, and always far enough under my TDEE that i’m still losing a decent amount of weight this week”

but now, i regret that pedestal i put myself on. it’s not that i’m immune to it. i just set up my house perfectly to avoid it, like a safe space. everything i have has a serving size under 60-70 calories, most being less than that. i like to have one dark chocolate bar accessible, with squares that are 48 calories each as a ‘treat’ on some nights. for the rest of the day, i hold out until 4, 5, 6pm before allowing something like a small serving of a rice cake (35) with a slice of a buddig brand cold cut (9) and some mustard (1). or i’ll keep a large cucumber (45) by me while i work and munch away freely. or many other strange food habits that i can support because no one else browses through my fridge shelf/pantry, and no one else sees me eat.

but at home. everyone does work or uses the laptop at the kitchen table. my mom is only either on the couch watching a show or cooking something in the kitchen. or on her laptop at the kitchen table. i can’t just stay in my room all day without anyone noticing that i haven’t eaten before 7pm. i can’t come down and make a lipton cup a soup (50) as my OMAD.

i miss going to bed to the sound of my stomach groaning. i miss feeling empty. i miss going to bed excited that i can measure my waist the next morning and have faith that it’ll be smaller, even if it’s 0.1 of an inch. i miss how i felt 9 days ago, eager to come home because i knew i’d be lighter. now i loathe the scale and i don’t even want to look at it because i have no faith that it’ll show me something good.

i want to go back. i want that sense of control. that sense of hope that things are improving every day. i was excited to come home to see my boyfriend. i saw him today. but i couldn’t find anything that i thought i looked good in. i feel like i look so much fatter than the last time he saw me. i lost 7.6 pounds between april to may, but in just a week i gained 2.7. i want to just look at it and say “okay. i fucking hate those 2.7 pounds for coming back. but that’s still 4.9 pounds. we can do it again. we can be lighter than that lower weight when you first got home.” but i’ve been working and the summer semester is ramping up and i just don’t know if i have the stamina and willpower to do it all. food brings me comfort and calms my stress. why did i sign up to do all of these things. i just want to hibernate for the summer. no one bother me, no obligations, i just want to lie in bed on youtube for 4 months and then walk out of my room skinny. the life i live in between my sleeps doesn’t seem to support this goal at all.

i need to try harder. i’m GOING TO DO IT. the way that i felt today, going to see my boyfriend, getting dressed and having to wear jeans and a huge sweatshirt. i can’t keep doing this. i want to lose weight more than my lack of willpower is setting me up to fail. let’s look at some good things. i rode my stationary bike for 15 minutes today. i walked my dogs with my boyfriend, we walked 1.6 kilometres. i can keep that up. i held off snacking (well i had 3 baby dill pickles (6cal)) until my mom made dinner that i had to eat. i drank a lemon water before bed to fill me and satisfy cravings. i did not eat any of the chicken wings that she made my brother for dinner later at night. these are all good things. i still definitely overate today, but i know i can keep including these good things and work to stop the bad ones. we have to keep going. if i don’t, i will never love myself.

when i wake up, it’ll probably be late in the day. i have to submit my work for this internship in the morning (i’m aiming for noon). i think i might have to stay up really late. then i’ll have to sleep in and i’ll miss a lot of the snacking and binging window, and i’ll just have to eat dinner with my family, if my mom even makes anything at night.

new plans have to change while i’m home. i need new goals. i’ve decided to set a goal of biking on the stationary bike for 60 minutes each day, and walking my dogs outside for about 20 minutes each day as well. absolute MAX calories is 850, but i’d like to stay below 600 when i can. with these rules, in the absolute worst case scenario (850 cal every day, no exercising), i can be at my UGW BY SEPTEMBER. if i stick to it (~500, moderate exercise), i can be at my UGW BY the beginning of JULY. (ps. my boyfriend’s birthday is in mid july. we can go on a beach birthday date and i can be SKINNY in a BIKINI if i fucking stick to this holy shit) (and that’s LESS THAN TWO MONTHS of heavy restricting and intense exercise. if i can’t sacrifice 2 months for the only thing i’ve wanted so badly, then i will never do it. i will never love myself. IM SO FUCKING HYPED CAN WE DO THIS????)

WE ARE NOT OFF TRACK. WE ARE ON SCHEDULE. TODAY IS A NEW DAY.

may 8th 2021 - 3:01am

[emperor-lover]

Hwang Minhyun College/university!AU

hi everyone, im relatively new to this but I thought I’d give writing scenarios a shot! feel free to send in requests for Nu’est or W1!

• ok so you’re a second year college/uni student doing a science degree majoring in anatomy • you love it except when you have to do histology  • like everyone around you seems to know what they’re looking at but you’re just like ?? • pink blobs EVERYWHERE • you and your best friend sit next to each other in the lab so it’s always enjoyable • plus there’s a super cute guy who sits opposite you • turns out he’s a 3rd year student taking some extra papers to prepare for his PhD • He was Daniel and Jaehwan’s senior at high school and they said that everyone loved him • “ohhh that’s Hwang Minhyun? he was class president and one of the top scholars!” • “I heard he aced all his papers last semester too which is crazy because he’s on the student association this year” • so yeah he’s super smart and always finishes work super fast and can leave the lab early • unlike you and your friend who tend to get distracted and take the whole 3 hours of the lab • although you havent really talked to him much you notice that minhyun glances over at you sometimes during labs • but you just think he’s looking at your friend lol he’s not tho, he looking at u • one day your friend gets sick so she couldn’t attend the lab • it sucks because this week’s lab happens to be more difficult than usual so you struggle to do everything by yourself • Minhyun looks over at you when you sigh in frustration • “you alright there?” • you just scrunch your nose and shake your head • he just chuckles good-naturedly at you and continues working • after a few minutes, you hear the scrape of the chair next to you and minhyun plonks down next to you • “how about we partner up for today then?”

• you’re taken aback but how could you refuse when someone asks so nicely • you end up whizzing through the majority of the lab super fast thanks to minhyun’s help but sometimes you get a bit distracted by his presence • like when he’s looking down the microscope and can’t see you, you cant help but admire his sharp jawline and adams apple and pink ears and -  • you swear your heart is pounding so freaking fast as if it’s going to burst and you’re thinking you’ll end up examining your own heart under the microscope instead  • (calm down calm down relaxuu) • “y/n?” • you blink rapidly trying to act like you werent checking him out lol • Minhyun just tilts his head slightly and raises his eyebrows in confusion, completely unaware wow he so cute • the two of you didnt really talk too much about stuff not relating to the lab, but you’re on name basis now, so that’s a start • “see you next week y/n!” • fast forward to next week, your friend is better now so shes at the lab • minhyun walks in and pouts slightly when he sees that the chair next to you isnt free • you dont notice him until he sits opposite you and you give him a bright smile • which he returns just as brightly and you feel yourself melting and you realise that wow this crush you’re harbouring is going to kill your heart • surprisingly Minhyun doesnt finish the lab early today • and as you’re packing up your things you look over at him, you notice he’s actually dozed off  • “Minhyun?” you shake his shoulder gently, “hey…wake up, we can all head home now” • he blinks up at you slowly, before looking at his watch and looking back up at you in shock • “When did I fall asleep???” • “I’m not sure, maybe 20 minutes ago?” • his ears are bright pink in embarrassment and you both laugh at the situation • You make your way outside, and you realise that it’s POURING down with rain and you didnt bring your raincoat or your umbrella • your friend lives in the opposite direction from you so she literally just says “good luck” and runs off in rain • you just stare up at the sky and wonder what you did to deserve this luck • you’re about to brace yourself to run in the rain home, when an umbrella opens up next to you • “Going home?”  • “Unfortunately, yes” you sigh • He laughs and gestures for you to stand under his umbrella, “I’m heading in that direction too, do you want to walk with me?” • At first you refuse because you feel bad, but then it starts hailing and you’re like screw it im going to share this umbrella with this cute boy i have a crush on because i aint walking in this shitty weather • Turns out Minhyun literally lives one block away from you • like literally 5 minutes away • so he insists on walking you all the way home  • ”it’s on the way, dont worry, I dont want you catching a cold from getting rained on!” *cue blushing*

• During the walk, the two of you make small talk, and end up bonding over the fact that you’re doing the same major, and how you both have a passion for composing music and languages • And you find out that the two of you have quite a few mutual friends that it’s surprising that you’ve never actually met until this semester. • and the two of you talk so naturally as if you’ve known each other for ages • And when you finally get home he walks you right up to your doorstep so you dont get rained on and gives you a little wave and a shoulder bump • “see you next week y/n!” • as soon as you get inside you clutch your heart because the two of you were walking so close to each other because of the rain so sometimes your arms would brush against each others accidentally, and you could smell his cologne and just his presence and aura was so nice and comforting • ayyyy fast forward to anatomy group project time!! everyone’s fave thing to do not • you’re not looking forward to it at all bc everyone is randomly assigned a partner • when you go look at the list of names you spot your own and the name next to yours is - • "ooh I guess we’re partners then!” • minhyun (surprise surprise) beams down at you • you end up spending lots of time together • at first it’s because of the project, but in the end it became an excuse to see each other • like you’d study in the library together • or go to each other’s houses to work on the project • but you’d end up just talking for hours or watching a movie or eating snacks • and he’d still walk you home after your labs, even if it wasn’t raining • one day he mentions that he’s composed a song with his best friend Dongho and asks if you want to listen to it • and you’re like hell yeah of course! • and he puts his headphones onto your head so gently • and brushes the hair away from your face • he’s clearly nervous about your reaction • but like he literally has nothing to worry about because the song is straight up so good, you’re in awe • “this is amazing Minhyun!” • “You like it?!” • He’s so happy, he gets a bit carried away and sweeps you up in a big hug, and his hand is on the back of your head pulling you closer to his chest • You can feel his heart beating super fast • and you’re like “wow, my heart only beats this fast when im with you” • Minhyun’s pulled back and his eyes are wide like !? and he’s blushing like crazy • oh shit, did you say that out loud? • lol ok yeah you did • time to hide from minhyun forever, this is so embarrassing you cant believe you freaking said - • “your heart beats quickly when you’re with me?” • and you dont know what to do so you just blink and…….nod • and his face breaks out in the biggest smile ever and his eyes crinkle into cute little crescents and you can feel yourself melting away • and he pulls you back into his chest • “well clearly you have the same effect on me” • the two of you start dating, and when after you make it official all your friends are all like “god, took you long enough, we thought this day would never come” • And when the deadline for the project comes along you guys spend all your efforts together on it and you end up acing it and everyone thinks you two are life goals because there is just so much perfection in your relationship • and everytime it rains, the two of you remember that day you properly met and walked home together and it’s just super cute and loveableeee hope you enjoyed! I’ll post more soon! 

#produce 101 #produce 101 imagine #produce 101 scenario #produce 101 oneshot #produce 101 fanfiction #nu'est #nu'est imagine #nu'est imagine scenario #nu'est oneshot #nu'est fanfiction #nu'est au #wanna one #wanna one imagine #wanna one scenario #wanna one fanfiction #wanna one au #hwang minhyun #hwang minhyun scenario #hwang minhyun imagine #hwang minhyun fanfiction #hwang minhyun oneshot #kpop scenarios

[barbabangme]

Ok so I just need to get emosh for a sec but im honestly so proud of myself for losing over 60 pounds. The left is me at my heaviest of 195 pounds (all because I got on Prozac and it made me gain 70lbs) and the right is me now at 131lbs. I grew up on the thin side and until I was about 20/21 I was always 120lbs and when my anxiety and depression (I couldnt leave my house without having a panic attack for a year) got incredibly bad I was put on medication (btw im not bashing medication because its fucking amazing when its right for you-stay on your meds-prozac just wasnt right for me) that made me go from 120 to 195 in under a year. It made me more depressed and I absolutely HATED myself and cried myself to sleep every night. Once I finally got off of it at 23 the weight came off and at 25 I am 5lbs away from my goal weight and I havent felt this happy in a long time. Like...a really REALLY long time. AND IM FINALLY GETTING A BREAST REDUCTION WHICH IS SOMETHING I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED AND IM GETTING MY HYMENECTOMY SO I CAN FINALLY WEAR TAMPONS AND HAVE SEX AND NOT HAVE HORRIBLE PERIOD CRAMPS LIKE YOU GUYS IM JUST SO HAPPY IM FINALLY SO FUCKING HAPPY AND THINGS ARE STARTING TO LOOK UP AND I NEEDED TO SHARE AND SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS

#Me #personal #weightloss #before and after

[choisgirls]

rfa+ Saeran going to pride for the first time with with MC?

A/N: HAPPY PRIDE MONTH MY GUYS! THOUGH IT’S ALMOST OVER? (For where Ilive anyway, pride month is June! I heard some places celebrate in May??) I STILL WANTED TO TRY AND GET THIS OUTBEFORE THE END OF THE MONTH AAA ~Admin 404

*YOOSUNG: Male!MC

               -You didn’t even tell him whatthis parade was for

               -All you said was “Do youwant to go to a parade with me”

               -And he was THERE

               -Parade? FUCK YEAH! Loves himsome parades

               -Fried food, bright colours, funbooths, cute floats? Yes yes yes!

               -You decided to just wait untilyou brought him to tell him what the parade was actually for

               -Though when the two of you gotthere, and he noticed literally everything was rainbow, he kind of pieced twoand two together…

               -HE WAS BLUSHING LIKE CRAZY!

               -Was actually really honouredthat you wanted to go to something like this with him?? Like you’re loud andproud about your relationship and that makes him giggle

               -Seeing all of the insaneoutfits was definitely fun for him!

               -HE SAW SO MANY NAKED (OR ATLEAST ALMOST NAKED) PEOPLE AND HE FELT SO AWKWARD

               -“MC… we… we don’t haveto be naked or anything for this.. right?” No baby it’s okay

               -AS RED AS COULD FUCKING BE WHENPEOPLE HANDED HIM CONDOMS

               -I know I said as red as couldbe, but that’s because you didn’t think he could get any redder. But oh, wereyou mistaken

               -He turned almost glowing redwhen he watched you just shoving the condoms in your pockets

               -“I’m not gonna just wastethese, Yoosung, that’s rude” OH MYGOD MC DON’T TALK LIKE THAT OUT LOUD

               -Was disappointed that he didn’tget to dress up or anything like that so you found a group of nice people withsome body paint and asked if they could do something for him!

               -Cutie walked around with acompletely rainbow painted face (yours matching) and could not stop takingpictures

               -10/10 sent any and all photosto the group chat, always talking about how much he loved you and this parade!

*ZEN: Male!MC

               -“MC! It’s the prideparade!”

               -Oh no

               -You’d love to go with him, ofcourse!

               -Your relationship is…. wellit’s absolutely perfect to the two of you but there are still those whoquestion it

               -His fans are practically splitin half between completely idolizing your relationship, and the other half justwanted Zen for themselves

               -So you were pretty afraid toattend pride like that, so out in the open, so…exposed

               -But he was a-okay with it

               -He didn’t care what others haveto say about the two of you???

               -Once the two of you actuallygot there though, it was a m a z i n g

               -People would recognize Zen leftand right and they would be so excitedthat he even showed up!

               -But when they saw the two ofyou holding hands, they practically exploded (in a good way)

               -THEY WERE SO ECSTATIC!

               -Their favourite actor is partof the LBGT+ community and they are HYPED

               -People are coming up frequentlyto congratulate the two of you on your beautiful relationship

               -He even sang a few love songsup on a few stages, loving as the crowds went wild!

               -The one thing he couldn’t standthough, was all the hateful protesting

               -He tried to ignore it at firstbut as the day went on he couldn’t stop himself from walking over and yell backat them

               -To prove a point, he pulled youinto a deep kiss- eliciting hundreds if not thousands of whistles and cheersfrom the crowd at the parade

               -You had to physically hold himback from fighting one protester though

*JAEHEE: Female!MC

               -“Jaehee! The prideparade’s coming up! We should go!”

               -P A N I C

               -She loves you and mostdefinitely isn’t afraid to tell you that, but…

               -She is afraid of others hatingher for it? She really dislikes confrontation

               -But you assure her that it’s acompletely safe space! It’s full of allies and others celebrating same sexlove!

               -Agrees to go along, and evendresses up to match you

               -The two of you have adorableshirts with unicorns on it that says “Squad goals”!

               -Embarrassed because she doesn’tuse slang like that but the two of you just looked so cute!

               -And honestly? Seeing all of thehappy couples expressing their love, the loud and proud people just enjoyingtheir time, thousands of colours and confetti everywhere; she’s in love

               -Like?? It’s a place?? Inpublic??? Where she can kiss you all she wants??

               -She does every now and then butshe’s still embarrassed the poor bby

               -L o v e s the booths!

               -Thinks it’s important tosupport those in the LGBT+ community who create works of art!

               -Honestly bought like 20 poundsin books solely because they look amazing and are by up and coming LBGT+writers (not to mention they all promised part of the proceeds go tocharities!)

               -She’s part of the RFA she feelsit’s like an unspoken duty of hers to do anything related to charities

               -SHE LOVES THIS PLACE SO MUCH

               -Lowkey wants to set up a boothnext year for your coffee shop

               -“It’s a good businessinvestment, MC” “You just want to come to pride again next year, youdon’t have to lie” “A GOOD! BUSINESS! INVESTMENT!”

*JUMIN: Male!MC

               - ah yes

               - jumin han does gay

               - im soRRY I COULDNT RESIST

               -He was kind of against going tothis parade

               -Not because it was for pride oranything but because he was just iffy about all the people

               -Does he really want to go andbe surrounded by thousands of people, all of them bumping against him??

               -Well one look into your puppydog eyes and the answer was yes, yes he did

               -You had to convince him toleave (most) of the body guards at home

               -There were a few that followeda moderate amount of distance behind but you caught them lowkey fawning overthe two of you when he would give you a quick kiss on the nose or squeeze yourhand

               -Honestly a few other coupleswould stop the two of you and tell you how cute the two of you were??

               -It would get Jumin so flusteredand you were SO THANKFUL because wow look at my cutie he’s adorable

               -If any protesters even thoughtabout something rude to you the bodyguards were there in an instant

               -You dragged Jumin along withyou as you looked at each and every booth, placing the beaded necklaces theygave out around his neck

               -The funny part is, he just letyou?? Like okay MC

               -At one point the necklacesstacked so high that you couldn’t see anything lower than his eyes

               -He didn’t want to disappointyou by taking them off so he left them until you noticed and laughed your assoff

               -Definitely took pictures beforeyou distributed most of the necklaces among the two of you and the body guards

               -“MC, do you thinkElizabeth would enjoy this rainbow collar?” “Juju that’s not forcats” “….Would you enjoy this collar?” JUMIN NOT IN PUBLIC

               -He saw some… interestingoutfits, to say the least

               -“Commoners are very…odd, aren’t they?” that’s rude

               -Saw someone walking theirpartner on a leash

               -The moment you saw him side-eyeyou, you jabbed him in the ribs with your elbow, eliciting a slight grunt fromhim

               -“Don’t even think about itpretty boy”

               -To get back at him for even thinking about walking you on a leash,you poured a ton of glitter over his head while he was looking at somemerchandise

               -Actually chased you through thelarge crowd, picking you up and spinning you before kissing you gently once hecaught you

               -People cheered because wow looky'all are so cute together

*SAEYOUNG:Female!MC/Pansexual!Saeyoung (LISTEN I CANT HELP BUT HC SAEYOUNG AS PANSEXUAL AAA)

               -You wanted to go in support ofyour friends!

               -But more than anything, youwanted to go and support your boyfriend!

               -He was pretty against going atfirst, because he was afraid of what people would think about him

               -It’s not like he advertisesthat he’s pansexual, so what would his friends think? Would they change theiropinions of him?

               -“Saeyoung, you just lovewhoever you love, it’s not as if gender truly matters, right? So why would ourfriends be against who you are as a person?”

               -That’s what got him thinking-you completely support him… so why wouldn’t his friends be supportive?

               -After all, they are supportiveof all his gender-swapped costumes….

               -You reminded him that he didn’thave to come out if he didn’t want to. A lot of people who are simply justAllies attend as well, no one would know how he fit into the community unlesshe told them

               -He had seen pictures of a fewparades before, and he noticed all the insane costumes people wear

               -So of course?? He had to go allout?? If he had to go, he might as well, right?

               -Completely decked out inrainbow body glitter, boxers with hearts all over them, and you even helped himput temporary hair dye to make it rainbow!

               -Honestly he was in love themoment the two of you showed up??

               -So many people dressed upinsanely without a care in the world, bright colours flying everywhere, peoplebeing loud and proud

               -His jaw honestly dropped at thesight of it all

               - Every time he saw a dogwearing a rainbow bandana he’s smacking your arm- you have bruises by the endof the day

               -He’s yelling, singing,laughing, and you haven’t seen him have this much fun in a while and you wereabsolutely loving watching him enjoy himself

               -“MC! Look! Look at howproud everyone is to just be themselves, isn’t it amazing?” he held yourhands and looked down at them, “I wish I had the confidence to be likethem. I don’t even know where to start!”

               -“Just do whatever makesyou comfortable and go at your own pace! Hey, you’re in a parade full ofstrangers you probably won’t see again, why don’t you come out to someone? Noone here is going to judge you!’

               -So he did! Actually, he didquite a few times! And he felt a m a z i n g

               -So good in fact, that he toldyou he was ready to tell his friends!

               -He spent the rest of his day atpride asking people how about their experiences with coming out, getting tipsabout the best way to do it, and getting nonstop support from tons of people!He felt so at home, the next week or so he was clinging to you, never knowinghow to fully thank you

*V: Female!MC

               -THIS BOY LOVES LOVE

               -Any and all love is beautifulfor him

               -So he’s super duper excitedwhen you suggest going to pride!

               -SUPER ALLIES, MC AND JIHYUN!

               -Honestly, all of the happypeople, bright colours, glitter, and especially all of the couples obviously inlove make him S O E C S T A T I C

               -He brings a backpack full ofbrand new SD cards for his camera, and he 10/10 believes he’s gonna fill themall

               -He asks people in the mostoutgoing outfits if he can take their photo, and he giggles at all of the posesthey do

               -Up close and personal to all ofthe floats to get pictures of every single detail

               -When he sees couples gettingcozy, he asks to take photos to celebrate their love!

               - v that can get a lil creepy

               -Always offers to take a photoon their phone for them as well so he seems less crazy

               -He’s pretty sassy when he wantsto be, if you didn’t already know

               -So when he sees protesters withsuch hatefulsigns, he takes it upon himself to fight back

               -He finds someone with extrasigns and holds them up proudly!

               -When people shout out hatefulthings, he gently asks them why they think that

               -Always talking to them soft andgentle, which confuses the hell out of all of them because?? They’re trying tobe hateful?? But this soft giant is talking to them so nicely???

               -Which THROWS THEM OFF SO MUCHMORE WHEN HE GETS SASSY WITH HIS COMEBACKS

               -It’s such a large difference indemeanor and even you’re thrown off guard

*SAERAN: Female!MC

               -He’s actually the one who askedyou to go to pride with him??

               -In private, he told you that hemight… have wanted to attend… to show support for his brother?

               -He’s really bad at showing hecares but he’s trying to do it bits at a time

               -But when Saeyoung brings it uphe acts like he’s against it

               -"Why the fuck would I wantto go to that, there’s going to be so many people there, I don’t wantthat”

               - but goes anyway

               -He didn’t want to really wantto dress up, but you convinced him to at least let you paint a small rainbowflag on his cheek (though it did take several days to do the convincing)

               -He was really grumpy at first,being dragged to and fro either by you or his brother

               -Having to squeeze through halfnaked, loud, or already morning-drunk people

               -Started to really regretattending until he saw how much fun his brother was having?

               -He had never seen Saeyoung thisrelaxed in his life and he silently decided he could put up with all of it forhim, just this once

               -The two of you enjoyed visitingall of the booths though

               -At every booth, you get a  couple of bead necklaces

               -Saeran put them all on. All ofthem. All of his, all of yours, all of Saeyoungs.

               -Completely covered in beadnecklaces, and he l o v e s i t

               -If you ask for some to wear youjust get this look from him- not a glare, but a kind of look that screams“don’t even think about it”

               -He also demanded ice cream asmuch as possible

               -You tried so hard to cut himoff but he just didn’t. stop.

               -Saeran pls there are 47 icecream wrappers in my pocket p l e a s e

Masterlist

#heya heya! #just a reminder that i love you all #no matter your sexuality #kisses to all of you #admin 404 #request #mystic messenger #mysme #mm #mysmes #pride #mystic messenger headcanons #mysme headcanons #mystic messenger hcs #mysme hcs #mystic messenger reactions #mysme reactions #mystic messenger scenarios #mysme scenarios #mystic messenger imagines #mysme imagines #mystic messenger v #mysme v #v #mystic messenger jihyun #mysme jihyun #jihyun #mystic messenger jihyun kim #mysme jihyun kim #jihyun kim

[kiefercat]

30 Day Trans-Challenge except not really bc my memory is too bad for that so you get it all now Little intro and context for new followers and also for me when I look back at this; I'm a 22 year old trans guy from Canada. I've been out since I was 16 and have been on T for 5 years in October. My top surgery is scheduled for 2019 with Dr McLean in Mississauga, Ontario. 1) When did you realize the term transgender referred to you? In grade 10 one of my best friends started transitioning to male. It was my first exposure to anything trans and everything just fell into place after that. I talked to my partner at the time about it a lot and how my identity suddenly started making sense. After around half a year i started going by male pronouns with my friends and I came out publicly a year later. 2) How did you choose your name, and what names were you thinking about using and why? Contrary to popular belief I didn't choose Cooper because of my high school obsession with Alice Cooper. I ripped it off of a cartoon character that had no discernible gender to me. I was also debating going by Kiefer but after some research found out it connects to Cooper like Bob to Robert and just rolled with it. At some point before transition I asked mom what she would have named me if I was born a boy and she said fucking Wayney (dad's name is Wayne) and yeah no I did not want that name at all 3) Have you ever been outed? Quite often. Surprisingly from the people closest to me. My mom and stepdad out me all the time and my best friend/ex gf used to do it a lot too. She stopped thankfully but my mom keeps insisting on making me a discussion topic 4) How did your family take it when you came out/ if you are not out why aren't you? I came out in stages to my family. Mom was first. I fucked up though and forgot I had a stepbrother and basically walked up to her one day and said “you only have a son” and then ran out of the room? She thought I was running away????? Woops. She was kind of ignorant about some stuff for a while but changed a lot of her views pretty quick. She wasn't initially going to let me medically transition before I was 18 but turned around over time and I started t at 17. Stepdad was awkward but supportive. I didn't come out to my dad. My mom had to for me a year after I'd been out to everyone else. I was terrified of rejection bc yay abandonment issues but it went over well! Right after I came out my dad started dating my step mom and she really helped things bc she wasn't afraid to ask the questions that he was too weird about to do himself. She actually administered my tshots for me for a while. Fast forward to last year and suddenly family I hadn't seen for 9 years wanted to get back in contact with me and mom. I was expecting my grandparents and uncle to be really weird about it but they've always been chill. They used to call me a dyke and tell mom she was a failure bc I wore boy clothes when I was a kid so obviously I was worried. 5) Are you active in the trans community or LGBT community? Not nearly as much as I'd like to be. My local active trans community is 80% 40-60 year old trans ladies. Like I love them to bits and I appreciate them sharing their experiences as older queer people but I feel very out of place there. I've been invited to a gay dude cafe meet a few times but am too nervous to go. That being said, my entire friend circle is trans sans a few sprinkled cis people. So I guess we're all just an informal support group lmao 6) Who was the first person you told about being trans? My first partner. She was super queer (was identifying as a bi male at the time we dated) and very understanding and supported me through a lot of the mental gymnastics of realizing I was a dude. 7) Who do you look up to? My friends, honestly. Like I don't know what else to say here lmao 8) How do you deal with being misgendered in the beginning of transitioning by people? Told them politely to only use he/him with me. If they were malicious about it I would try to explain how ignorant that was and if they still didn't get the hint I'd ignore them. 9) What is something positive about being trans? I don't have to hide awkward boners. 10) What are some of your fears in regards to being trans? I'm super afraid of top surgery ending in a result im unhappy with. Like I don't care about the pectoral scarring at all, but I'm worried about proportional problems or dog earring. Basically anything that would require a revision. I'm also super insecure about not having a bio dick. It limits me a lot sexually even with strap ons. No harnesses stay where they need to on me to get anything good happening and my dick always slowly drifts downward. Its frustrating. 11) How do you manage dysphoria? Hahahaahhaa ice cream And usually taking nudes. 12) What are you doing to stay healthy for transitioning mentally and physically? I'm working out every day now. Nothing too intense, but it feels nice. I want to drop about 30-40 pounds before top surgery so am slowly amping up the workouts. Mentally I'm a disaster and am frantically looking for a psychiatrist but can't find any open that have experience with a trans patient. 13) Bathrooms I haven't used a women's bathroom since before I was in testosterone. I'm not anxious about them at all unless there's a lot of drunk dudes or the locks on the stalls don't work. 14) What are some of your passing tips or things you do to pass? Confidence. Fake it till you make it. Being a walking masc alt stereotype got me through high school. 15) How have you embraced your trans identity? Tbh coming out and living life as trans is one of the few times I've been able to do one very important thing consistently: do something for myself no matter what people think. Its something that I've been trying to spread into other aspects of my life. If anything, my trans identity embraced me. 16) What's your rock anthem and why? I think this is the only answer that hasn't changed since last time I did this. I Am, I'm Me from Twisted Sister. 17) What's your binding choice and why? I use a GC2B binder. They're comfy, last long, don't roll, don't have prominent seams, and don't smell funky like my old underworks ones. If I swim publicly or want to slim out my hips for special occasions I wear a full length underworks swim binder. Fun fact: I didn't bind for a year and half bc I gained a fuckwad of weight and my tits passed as moobs. 18) How do you feel about the trans laws where you live? They're getting better. I live in Ontario, Canada so am pretty protected all around. I wish the technical side of transition (name, gender marker) was more streamlined. 19) If you're religious how do your views effect being trans? if you're not religious what about your family religions? I'm in no way religious. My mom had to jump through a bunch of hoops in her head to legitimize my transition through her religion/spirituality. Its a little disturbing to me for details I will not share publicly. 20) Do you want to be a parent? why or why not? I hate children. Keep them away from me. 21) Your views on the cis-gendered community? ??¿¿ they exist. I believe education about trans people and other queer identities should be taught in schools to help cis society not be as blissfully ignorant. I don't believe all cis people hate trans people, but they do have a lot of misconceptions about the community. 22) Do you feel being trans holds you back from your career choice? Fuck no. Honestly I haven't felt nervous about transition affecting my work since my first job. I was just coming out when I worked the museum and was scared they might kick me from the position. Nowadays, I do not disclose my trans status to potential employers until they're hiring me. I thankfully live in a place and time where I'm protected as a trans person in the workplace by the law so haven't felt held back at all. 23) What stereotypes are put on trans people? Undercuts Tbh The stereotypes that stick out to me are the fucking weight ones. Where the fuck are my chunky trans men and ladies at? As a trans guy I am pressured a lot by the representation in the community to aspire to be a buff/cut beefcake or stick thin. Hell, a few of my already very small trans girl friends think they're not as valid bc their bust/waist/hip ratio doesn't make them look like a model. There's literally nothing wrong with being any weight but I find the pressure to be small is even higher within the trans and queer community to fit the stereotype/preconception that we have to be conventionally beautiful to be valid in our identity. 24) Who is your favorite LGBT actor/musician/director/artist etc and why? Uhhhhhhh Tbh I don't even know 25) Doctor visits? I hate them. They make everything about my trans status even if I'm there for something completely unrelated. There is FREE training on trans care for doctors in our part of the province but none seem to opt for it and instead decide its appropriate to ask me transition questions when I'm there for something as unrelated as an impacted nail. 26) Do you feel comfortable answering questions about being trans if say your teacher/friend/stranger asked you? If I'm not paying for their time, if I'm not busy doing something else, and if they are polite, yes. I don't mind answering questions at all! But there's a time and a place and some people just don't understand that. 27) What goals do you have? Lose weight and tone up a bit in time for top surgery. Be aggressively body positive. Continually try to normalize trans bodies. Find a local community to be a part of. 28) What is something you have to do everyday or else you feel like your whole day is off if you don't do it? Shower. If I go out or if people outside of friend circle are near me I have to have my packer and binder. If I'm alone I need music or something on at all times. 29) Write out something positive about yourself using the letters of your name. Ex. Your name is Bob so B-Beautiful O-Outstanding B-Boy Um. I don't have a good name for this uhhh C-Creative O-Open hearted O-Okay P-Phenomenon E-Eager R-Rad I had to Google positive words to do that lmao 30) Write a haiku about being trans I hate writing these Please just cut off my titties Throw them in the fire

#ftm #transgender #trans #transition #afab #30daytranschallenge

[becausebutt-thatswhy]

Ok so I know at lot of my followers just want shits and giggles thats thats totally fine. But I stubbed my toe so hard it bled and I saw a tiktok about a bad dog owner and im too lazy to switch accounts so here is a rant that I have rehearsed to my partner about dogs and training and not being assholes.

Ok so I took my dog to the beach because they are open where I am and usually not crowded at all at the beaches I go to because the water is cold. People usually just do bonfires and walk around. Every beach in my county is an on leash beach. I really don't care if another dog is off leash as long as the owners are paying attention to their dogs and not letting them run to strangers and their dogs and try to steal strangers food. You see where I'm going.

So we see this dog (im with 6 other people that I live with one of which had ptsd from being mauled by a dog). This dog is about 45 to 50 pounds and about 3 to 4 feet tall on all fours. So decently big (my dog is 70 pounds at 3 and a half feet tall on all fours). This dog comes up to us and is 4 feet from my dog. My dog stands up and gets excited because she wants to play and she tries to go greet this dog that is coming up to her. We have been working on her intense energy and reactivity with other dogs for 4 months. Again she is a baby and has very few doggy manners because she just doesn't know any better.

This male dog without a collar comes up and goes right past my dog and makes his way to our table that has food on it. My mom is standing there and she shoos the dog off before it eats anything it shouldn't (there were chocolate bars, coffee, and various sausages with garlic and onions that are dangerous for dogs). I see this lady walk by and I casually ask her if this dog is hers. She says yes. I inform her that her dogs needs to be on leash.

I have been living in the area for 3 years. I have gone to that beach hundreds of times. There are signs at the entrance and ALL the way down the boardwalk that you have to walk on to get to the actual beach part that state your dog must be on leash and to please clean up after them.

This lady (her friend called her Rebecca) tells me that I must not be from here and that she is a local and this beach is off leash. I start to shout at this point because I am angry that she just put my dogs life in danger (i will explain). I tell her again that her dog needs to be on leash. She doesn't care and starts to cuss at me. I shout at her to get her dog away from us about 3 or 4 times and get louder and louder because she decides to stand about 20 feet from where I am and call me a bitch and stupid and this and that.

I get so loud and scary I scare her dog away and my dog notices I am extremely upset and sits behind me and leans on me. (She's knows she's not supposed to sit on our laps so she sits behind us and leans into us). Her friend then starts to get scared and tries to pull Rebecca away (this is when I learn her name). I yell that she should care about her dog and I shout that until she finally fucks off.

Now the real kicker is her dog goes up to the couple next to us who has a small white dog that was NOT happy and very clearly went for the kill on Rebecca's dog (which had like 40 pounds on the other dog but small dog bites can kill a big dog no joke they are just as dangerous). The owner of the dog (a tall deep voiced person) shouts fuck you to Rebecca who then calls her dog and puts him in sit stay command for a minute and then walk off.

Did I think Rebecca was going to learn to leash her dog? No. I didn't. But she did learn to fear me and stay the fuck away from me and my dog. Is that the goal? No. I obviously want her to learn but it was clear she just wanted to be selfish and didn't actually care about her dog. On her way back from her walk on the beach she took her dog and walked behind us and kept her dog close.

Here's why it was dangerous for my dog for other reasons than her dog might be aggressive. My dog is a pitbull. She is the absolute sweetest and loves to play with all dogs. However, if her purebred Catahoula hound dog attacked my dog, my dog would be the one to be put down because she is a pitbull. She is so stupid she wouldn't even know it was a dog fight. She would think it's play. I know because we already had another dog attack her she went into a play bow right after a dog lunged at her with a growl.

It is always 20x more dangerous for pitbull owners when an off leash dog comes towards them because even if the pitbull did NOTHING when attacked. Even if the pitbull died in the attack the pitbull would be blamed.

Not only did she put my dog at risk because she was selfish, she also sent someone into a ptsd episode by allowing her dog to run up on us.

She also put my dogs training back by about 2 weeks because she was not ready for interactions with unsupervised dogs yet. Rebecca, wheres my money for the treats you wasted. Money for my time and effort down the drain in a 2 minute interaction that is your fault. Pay up bitch. Take responsibility.

Last note. My dog is not afraid of dogs because of that incident. She did not register my yelling as her being in trouble because I don't yell at her because its a waste of breath and does absolutely nothing in terms of training. She noticed my heart rate rising and went to comfort me like she does when I have episodes or fits.

Disclaimer. She is NOT a service dog because she is incontinent and it is incurable. Service dogs do NOT potty inside stores and she would unintentionally. Not her fault but reality. And a whole other thing.

#pitbulls #story time #tw: dog violence #fucken karen

[officialmariza]

🤔Do you weigh yourself? How many times a week? When was the last time you looked? _ Many different people have different opinions on the scale when it comes to fitness goals. My opinion of it has changed over the years. Through my own experience and through watching my clients over the years. _ I feel like you should know the number but not be attached to it. I’ve been the person that says “I’m NOT gonna weigh myself I’m gonna see how I feel and how my clothes fit. Then after months I get on the scale in shock because I gained 20 pounds and didn’t realize it. Once it gets that far for me it’s hard to pull it all back. If I had known I was even 10 pounds heavier I would have acted faster. I find this happens a lot with my clients during the intake process. _ I tell my clients to weigh themselves weekly to bi-weekly and also to measure themselves. Most people lose inches and dress sizes but the scale doesn’t change too much. Remember if your putting on muscle it weighs more but takes up less space. You body shape will change becoming more tight, toned and you’ll shrink but the scale may not move too much. Last week I had a client lose 3 pounds of fat and gain 3 pounds of muscle. On the scale it said she weighed the same but the composition test said she was making major changes for the better. She was upset until she saw that and instantly got motivated again. _ I stress the importance of not being attached to a number because the scale can only tell you what your relationship to gravity is. It’s good to know but don’t let it define you. Never let the scale define your mood or your motivation towards your goals. Don’t quit because the scale isn’t moving you never know what’s going on inside. Give things time and let your body adjust. You got this, it’s just a number, your amazing 😉 _ 🌟Im now taking clients click the link in my bio and let me help you get started on your fitness journey. _ Leggings by @abs2bfitnessapparel #fitness #gym #fit #workout #motivation #bodybuilding #fitnessmotivation #love #instagood #training #fitfam #health #follow #lifestyle #like #healthy #gymlife (at Kauai) https://www.instagram.com/p/B3vGNdMBIfB/?igshid=aougnpkdmywe

#fitness #gym #fit #workout #motivation #bodybuilding #fitnessmotivation #love #instagood #training #fitfam #health #follow #lifestyle #like #healthy #gymlife

[rawcbwzx-blog]

Should I cancel my parents whole life insurance policy?

Should I cancel my parents whole life insurance policy?

@Ryanjw - Thanks for the information! @Mbrcatz - Thanks, my goal when I purchased the LI was to be able to pay for my parents funeral arrangements should they pass before I do. Having said that, as I previously stated, I bought the LI (10) years ago, when I was younger and not well informed, hence, why I bought a $2,000 policy. At the time, I thought $2,000 would be (if not enough) at least helpful to me, since I am an only child. Now, ten years later, I am more informed and I am trying to figure out whether I should continue it or if I am better off canceling it, taking whatever money I will get from it (if any) and putting in into a savings account in which at least it accrues interest and I can continue to add to it going forward. So that when the time comes (hopefully not for a very long time) I am (at least) financially prepared to deal with the situation.

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :INSUREQUOTE.US

SOURCES:

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