#and i got a little habit forming of just... mentally thanking them | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

reiding-writing · 3 months

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Echolalia is the meaningless repetition of words and phrases and it's usually associated with mental conditions like Autism, ADHD, developmental or language delays, Tourette's, or schizophrenia.

So, if you have the time, do you think you could write a spencer reid x male reader who has echolalia. Maybe reader is a new BAU member and keeps repressing it bc he knows what it's associated with, and doesn't want the team to view him as 'unstable' or 'stupid'. Maybe Reid overhears him doing it and reader panics?

Thanks in advance, I love your writing!

circles [ s.r ]

spencer reid x gn!reader ||| hurt/comfort ||| 2.7k ||| masterlist!!

WARNINGS: reader is insecure, reader has echolalia, self deprecation

a/n: i did write this with a male reader in mind but gender really didn’t come up at all so-

You were working for the FBI, who would’ve thought.

It’s one of those jobs that people always talk about like it’s some fictional job that no-one actually does. But here you are, seven months into working with the Behavioural Analysis Unit of the FBI and living your best life.

Well, the best life you could when your job consisted of tracking down extremely dangerous and deranged individuals who had no regard for human life anyway.

Your co-workers were nice, the work hours were okay, and you got to brag to your parents about the fact that you rode on a private jet every few weeks.

You just wished it was easier to form friendships with your team.

It wasn’t that they were hard to talk to. They were all wonderful. It was just that little voice in the back of your head that told you that you weren’t a real member of the team.

You’d joined after the rest of them after all.

They were already a tight-knit unit before you’d passed the academy training, and by some measure of insanity you’d managed to squeeze yourself in alongside them.

Your sure that if you opened yourself up more that they’d accept you into their ‘work family’ with no holds barred, but when it came to keeping your professional image, the best thing you could do was keep your mouth shut.

Having an unbreakable habit of repeating arbitrary things that someone had mentioned sometimes hours before was not the best thing when it came to forming relationships with others.

It was odd and out of place and made you look like a weirdo. It made you feel like a weirdo. Like you weren’t normal.

You were a fully grown adult for god’s sake, not a four year old.

You’d keep it under wraps for the most part, locked away in your head as you bite your tongue at every urge to repeat the way Emily had said ‘whipped cream’ when talking about her hot chocolate in the office a few weeks ago.

Keeping your lips pressed into a tight line as the tones of Morgan’s ringtone echoed through your head so you wouldn’t hum it to yourself when working through your files.

Of course, the minute you got home you’d drop the effort and just succumb to saying ‘wheels up in thirty’ to yourself every ten minutes whilst washing your dishes, but it didn’t really matter when you were at home.

Because you were at home. Alone. With no one to judge you.

“Circles…” You furrow your eyebrows as you stare blankly at the map in front of you.

Spencer had been called out of the police station to go and examine one of the victims’ bodies post-autopsy, and so he’d left you in charge of the geographical profile in the meantime. “Find the circles,”

You weren’t as gifted as Spencer, nor as experienced as him, especially in his specialty of geographical profiles, but he’d taken the time to explain his thought process to you before leaving, and now it was the only thing running through your mind.

Everything was made out of circles Spencer had told you. Geographical profiles were comprised of circles. Find the circles and therefore find the comfort zones.

Find the circles.

“…find the circles-”

“You’re doing good,” You almost jump out of your skin when you hear Spencer’s voice form the entrance of the room, physically jolting as you’re ripped from your own mind and forced to remember that there are in fact other people here and you’ve just spent the last twenty minutes muttering to yourself about circles like an idiot.

“Oh- I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you- I uh- Just got back from the coroner’s office and I- Just thought I should check on you- Sorry,” You can see the change in Spencer’s eyes once he realises he’s caught you off guard, profusely apologising like he’d done something wrong when he was literally just doing his job and it was your fault for being an idiot and jumping at someone walking into the room of a public police station during an investigation.

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it,” You press your lips into an awkward smile as he cautiously makes his way across the room to get a better look at your scribbling on the map.

“Looks like you found all the circles,”

“Huh-”

“You were talking to yourself about ‘finding the circles’ and from what I can see you’ve actually marked them out perfectly,”

You almost dig yourself into a hole right there in the middle of the police station’s conference room.

You’d being talking to yourself again, and Spencer heard you. Not only that, it was something that Spencer had told you in the first place.

You can feel yourself descending into internal madness as Spencer takes one of the whiteboard pens to mark out something else on the map in front of you. God he probably thinks that you’re a weirdo now. I mean who catches their coworker repeating something they’d said almost and hour ago to themselves over and over again and thinks they’re not a weirdo?

You try and judge Spencer’s expression, scanning his face with your eyes to catch any trace of uncomfortableness in his eyes or a judging in his eyebrows. But you don’t find anything.

Then again Spencer had always been hard for you to read, probably because every time you did try to read his expression you got distracted looking at the freckles dappled across his nose and the way his hair curls against his forehead and the way his lips parted slightly when he focused on drawing a line over your red circle on the map and-

Focus.

You’ve already dug yourself into a deep enough hole repeating yourself over and over again, you didn’t also need to be caught trying to eat him with you eyes. God you are so screwed.

“Are you alright?” Spencer’s voice again catches you off guard as it forces you back into reality once more, and you turn your eye up towards his as he tilts his head at you, mild concern written across his features. “You uh- kind of zoned out,”

“Yeah I’m uh- I’m gonna-” You lamely point over your shoulder towards the door, retreating backwards so you could find the bathroom and wallow in your own self-pity for a few minutes.

“Are you sure? I can keep teaching you how to do a geographical profile if you’d like,” You curse Spencer’s moral character at his question. You don’t want to say no to him. He was a great guy who was passionate about his job and was going out of his way to teach you something that would then make your job easier.

“No- it’s alright- don’t worry about it-” You purse your lips into a straight line with a small shake of your head, hand braced on the door handle and reminding you that there was in fact solace from your stupidity on the other side.

“Did I make you uncomfortable? If I did then I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to catch you off guard like that,” Spencer rung the whiteboard pen in his hands as he spoke, and it almost made you collapse at the sight. He looked genuinely guilty, like he was actually physically upset at the prospect he might’ve caused you discomfort.

“No- you haven’t-” You sigh, dragging your hand down your face as you mentally punch yourself for making Spencer believe that he’d caused you any discomfort. He had, but that was because you were being idiotic and insecure, that wasn’t his fault. “I’m just being stupid, ignore me,”

You can see his mind run through your conversation with him, trying to find out when he might’ve made you feel uncomfortable without meaning to.

“You really didn’t-”

“Was it me mentioning that I overheard you speaking to yourself?”

Your lack of a response answers his question.

“It’s not uncommon for people to speak to themselves you know, it’s not something to be embarrassed about, in fact, studies have shown that talking to yourself during an activity like what you were doing with the profile can help boost short-term memory,”

But that wasn’t what you were doing. You weren’t repeating it because it was helping you remember how to do a geographical profile, you just were. There wasn’t a reason.

“Right…”

You wonder Spencer can read your mind as his expression furrows slightly at your response, and you can again see the cogs turning in his head as he tries to figure out whether or not his assessment was actually correct.

“Reid it’s really fine don’t worry about it,” Your attempt to shut down his internal analysis of your previous conversation is again shut down by Spencer, who waves his hand dismissively at you with a tight knit in his eyebrows.

“No, I made you feel uncomfortable and I want to know why so that I don’t do it again,” Spencer’s kindness is both a blessing and a curse you’ve come to realise, and as much as you are majorly appreciative of his efforts to form an emotional bridge with you, you’re also insanely embarrassed about the fact that his one off comment had affected you so much in the first place.

“I just-” You sigh. Do you tell him? He doesn’t seem to have noticed so maybe you can get away with it, lock it back up in your head and never repeat anything ever again unless you are securely in the safety of your own home. “I don’t know, I have this stupid habit of repeating things that other people say to me and-”

Well so much for locking it up.

“I just don’t want to be seen as some weirdo,”

Spencer blinks at you like you’ve got three heads and you seriously consider jumping out of the window to escape the situation.

“See, now you’re staring at me like i’m insane,” You drag your hand down your face, and you can feel your throat close up like you’re going to cry. It feels stupid, crying because of something trivial like this, but when you’ve buried it for so long because you’re scared of what other people are going to think about you of course it’s going to amplify into something massive.

“No- No- I’m not- I-” Spencer waves his hand at you, and you can see desperation flood his features as he tries to explain himself.

“It’s fine, I get it, I’m mentally unstable-”

“No. No that’s not what I was thinking at all,“ Spencer shakes his head at you adamantly, soft brown curls bouncing around his face with every turn of his head.

So he was right, partly anyway. It was the fact that he’d brought up that you were speaking to yourself. But it wasn’t that, it was the fact that you were repeating something that he had told you and you’d thought it freaked him out. “Echolalia is a fairly common thing, I do it myself sometimes,”

Your eyebrows furrow slightly, although whether it’s because of the new term Spencer said to you like you already knew what it meant or the fact that he openly admitted to doing the same thing with no shame or embarrassment you weren’t sure. “What?”

“Echo…lalia?” Spencer mirrored the furrowing of your eyebrows with his own as he drags out the word, seemingly surprised that you didn’t know the official term for what you were describing. “It’s the subconscious repetition of things that you hear around you,”

“Oh,”

“It’s very common in children during the language development stage, but it can follow through into adulthood in some people,” Spencer takes your short reply as an invitation for him to explain it to you. Hopefully by doing so he would be able to convince you that it wasn’t something to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. “It’s especially common in individuals with autism, with roughly 85% of autistic people experiencing echolalia,”

“So, you’re saying I’m autistic?” You blink at him with a confused expression, like you’re not exactly sure how you’re supposed to feel.

“Not necessarily, echolalia is common in a number of neurodivergencies, it’s just most commonly associated with autism,” Spencer gives you that awkward smile you’ve come to associate him with. “It’s really nothing to be embarrassed about, it’s just your brain’s way of processing information,”

“But-”

“Really, you shouldn’t worry about it, it doesn’t mean there’s anything ‘wrong’ with you at all,” Spencer’s not one for interrupting other people, but he can tell that you’ve still not come to terms with it even after his explanation.

You don’t say anything else, giving him a short nod and stuffing your hands in your pockets with a pursed smile.

“Now, about the profile, are you sure you wouldn’t like me to continue showing you how to complete one? From what I can see you’ve got a natural talent for it,” Spencer gestures back over to your markings on the map and you follow it with your eyes.

“I- yeah alright,”

“Great,” Spencer gives you a smile as he picks up one of the whiteboard pens and makes his way back over to the board. “Okay, so you’ve already marked out all of the crime scenes, so the next step is to chronologically connect them all,”

You only half listen to Spencer’s explanation as he teaches you, mind still focused on your conversation with him. He didn’t find you weird like you’d expected him to. He didn’t think you were unstable or not mentally sound. He did it himself.

That last point was what really stuck with you.

He did it himself.

And he wasn’t ashamed to admit it to you. You assume the rest of the team knew as well, which means they probably also wouldn’t care.

So- what? You’ve been freaking out over nothing?

That made you feel stupider than your repetition ever did.

God you really needed to get yourself together.

And that started with learning to trust your teammates not to judge you for something that you couldn’t control. One down, six to go.

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #criminal minds #criminal minds x reader #spencer reid angst #criminal minds angst #mgg #asks 🫶

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titlemewickedwonderland · 10 months

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Lost and Found (Ghost Oneshot)

Summary: Y/n is a newly summoned ghoul who's getting used to her new life topside. When her new packmates can't find her during a bad storm at the Abbey they go searching for her with worry only to find her in the oddest spots!

Prompt: Requested by anon for this one! I hope you find it and enjoy reading it! Thank you for the request <3

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It's a tricky thing being part of the Ghost Project. Being a newly summoned ghoul, that is. After living a life of literal hell for such a long time; going from a normal human to a creature of hell, well it's hard. Even when you know life topside is far better than the life you had in Hell; it's still quite hard to relax and fall into a normal life; especially when you don't remember who you are or what your name was before dying and being reborn as a hellish creature.

Y/n could still remember the scent of sulfur that was thick on her tongue with every intake of breath. Hear the bone-chilling screams and wails from the damned that resided in the Pits where she found herself spawned. Could still feel the rattling heart pounding in fear with every pump.

It wasn't a life she had expected. She wasn't sure where she would have gone when she'd die. She honestly didn't expect to go anywhere. She didn't imagine she'd be destined for the pearly gates of Heaven but she honestly didn't fathom the idea of being dropped into Hell. It wasn't as bad as people made it out to be; she could be biased about it though after living there for such a long time. She sure knew how utterly terrifying it could be at the beginning. If Hell was a form of PTSD well she'd imagined she had it.

She could still remember finding herself hiding for her life from some ferals down in the Pits who were searching for fresh blood when she suddenly felt a burning energy inside of her body and the next thing she knew she was lying naked in a cold room surrounded by masked figures. She remembered being so disoriented and confused but not feral as they seemed to have expected with how cautious they were when approaching.

It'd been a few weeks since then and while she did well to acclimate herself to her new life here at the Abbey she still felt off inside of her. Like a part of her still clung to the horrors that lay in a portal beneath her very feet. She had been told that her ghoulish abilities wouldn't come in for a little while as she got used to her new home but she'd already known her abilities...she was just too skittish to say anything.

Her new packmates; a group of ghouls like herself were an amazing bunch. The support, care, and comfort they gave her while she adjusted to being topside while being understanding of her was something she didn't realize she had needed; she certainly wouldn't have found it down in Hell even if she tried - there was no light or love in Hell. Only terror, greed, and horror are in an endless cycle surrounding the lives down there.

She didn't want to tell them; her new packmates of her issue. Of her mental state that didn't quite find peace like her body was trying to while being here. She wasn't stupid, she'd hoped they wouldn't have heard the cries of endless pain and torment that plagued her mind while she slept. She knew better, of course, she did. While they did not outwardly speak about it - they had shown kindness and support in their own ways.

Mountain, the Earth Ghoul would leave flowers on her nightstand to find every morning after she had her nightmares. Swiss the Multi-Ghoul would be overly chipper and jokester in the morning as if trying to distract her from her nightmares. Rain, the sweet soft spoken Water Ghoul would give her random little trinkets he'd find; like shiny stones, pennies or other coins he found in the waterfall in the Abbey's court, or some river stones he'd find on a swim that reminded him of her in some way. Dewdrop, although grumpy to most people, had gotten in the habit of draping himself across her whenever possible; whenever she'd sit down somewhere or merely be standing by he'd be there draped across her lap or shoulders as if his unearthly heat would wrap around like a comforting heated blanket to chase away the fog that clouded her mind after a particularly long night. Phantom, the newest member of the pack who had been there a few months to replace their last Quintessence Ghoul Aether would find any spare moment to talk about music with her and show her his guitar skills as if for a distraction. The ghoulettes were very sweet too; always bringing her comfort foods and cute little stuffies they'd found somewhere.

She loved the fact that they cared so much and didn't speak aloud the glaring truth of what they knew was happening every night behind her closed bedroom door but sometimes; they felt stifling and she needed some space. Her chance came in the form of a brewing storm on the horizon.

The sky was dark and thick with the scent of a storm that was forecasted by the dark grey clouds above their heads. Because of this practice had been canceled; not wanting to have the ghouls out in such a storm that had been predicted by the weather channel to be quite a thunderstorm with heavy rain, lightning, thunder, and a high chance of flooding. But while the others made preparations to be holed up in their quarters together for the night by building a large nesting area on the floor in the common room they realized in the midst of this someone was missing.

"Hey, uh guys?" Swiss blinked looking around the room where the others were busy bringing in blankets, pillows, stuffies, and rearranging the floor for a ghoul pile.

"What's the matter, Swiss?" Cumulus perked up from her spot on the floor where she was making a stuffed animal pile.

"Has anyone seen Y/n?" the Multi-ghoul asked still scanning the room of each of his packmate's faces trying to find the newest member of their pack.

"Yeah, wasn't she supposed to be with Phantom grabbing some snacks from the kitchen?" Dewdrop added stopping what he was doing in favor of turning towards the Quintessence ghoul who just entered the room with an armful of snacks.

Phantom paused when he saw everybody's eyes on him and he looked around nervously. "Vwhat?" he mumbled around the corner of a bag of chips hanging from between his teeth.

"Is Y/n with you?" Rain piped up; his eyes worried as he craned his head around the other to see if the newest member was trailing behind but he was alone in the doorway.

Phantom dropped the snacks onto the coffee table and frowned as he shook his head slowly. "No? She said she was going to get some extra batteries or something like that..." he replied slowly.

"We have batteries already. It was like the first things we grabbed." Mountain stated sharing a look with Rain.

"So what are you saying?" Phantom asked placing his hands on his hips.

"We're saying...." Cirrus piped up from behind Cumulus with a firm tone. "Y/n's missing."

"Well, we got to find her!" Phantom replied waving his hands around. "She's still pretty new being here...she could have gotten lost or..or or..." he looked around the room and then out the window staring at the downpour outside followed by lightening.

"Do you think?" Aurora asked softly seemingly speaking up on what Phantom was thinking.

Rain's jaw set and he stalked towards the door; throwing it open to stare out into the hallway where it echoed loudly with the rumbling of the storm brewing outside.

"Rain, where are you going?" Mountain called turning to his companion.

"I'm going to go find Y/n. It's storming outside...she could be lost or hurt." the water ghoul replied before slipping from the room.

"Rain!" Cumulus called worriedly but her attention turned towards Dewdrop as he began walking towards the door to follow Rain. "Dew!"

"Look, Y/n's the kit of this pack. It's our job to make sure she's safe. Lucifer only knows where she is and I agree with Rain. Now you can come with us or stay here. But I'm going." Dew turned to the group with a glare before the Fire ghoul followed Rain's path out the door without even waiting for a reply.

It didn't take long before the others looks around at each other with concerned expressions. Dew was right. Y/n was technically the kit of the pack. She was new and had only been topside for a few weeks. She didn't know the Abbey as well as them and with her unspoken PTDS night terrors, they were worried that the storm could trigger her panic attacks. So they did what they always did when it came to their packmates; they followed out the door in search of their companion because no one leaves a pack member behind no matter how fresh and new they were.

The rain was heavy on her skin. It felt like little daggers pelting her unprotected skin. Or that could be the small pea-sized hail that was falling along with the rain. But instead of being frightened; she leaned back on her palms and raised her face to the sky allowing the storm to drench her from head to toe in it's icy pellets that rained down on her. She didn't care if she had goosebumps crawling along her skin from the cold. She didn't care about the cracks of lightening that lit up the darkened clouds above her every few seconds. She didn't even care about the fact that thunder roared in her ears like a furious god.

The storm didn't frighten her. It actually calmed the racing of her mind as she just let Mother Earth wash away the worries, the stress, and the tension that had been coiled in her body since day one of being here at the Abbey.

Y/n liked to pretend she was okay. That she didn't suffer from the memories of her life in Hell. She liked to think she was normal when the sun came up. But at every corner, there was just something that reminded her of her inadequacies in comparison to her new packmates. While everybody else seemed in a comfortable routine here she always felt like the outcast, she knew it wasn't true. While the Siblings of Sin slowly got used to her and her them; her new packmates were always right there as silent support. It wasn't something she was used to but she secretly enjoyed it even when she felt an unexplainable guilt of wanting that kind of connection. It was silly, to think she craved their affections; of anybody's affection as much as she did and she felt wrong for wanting that even when she knew she shouldn't. Maybe it was the fear of Papa finding out of her struggles and deciding she wasn't worth it - afraid of him choosing to end her contract and send her back. She didn't want to go back. Not when she was trying so hard to accept the life she had been granted for a second chance at happiness.

As if reading her thoughts aloud she heard something among the sounds of the thunderstorm above her head. Voices suddenly came from below where she sat on the rooftop of one of the wings of the Abbey's church. Casting her golden gaze downwards she spotted them through the sheet of rain and hail the group she'd come to know as her new family stared up at her with glowing eyes. Because of her inhuman senses, she could hear their shouting even among the thunder and lightning crackling.

"Y/n! Omg! What are you doing up there?!" Phantom shouted looking up at her in panic.

"Honey, come down! It's okay. We're here now!" Swiss added as he searched for a way up to her; where the hell had she managed to get herself up there from? He didn't see a ladder and he didn't see a door up there for her to have made it up from inside the Abbey. Did she climb?!

Y/n stared down at them for a long moment wondering why they were panicking? It was just a storm. A small smile graced her face though as she noticed Dewdrop looking like a half-drowned cat staring up at her; clearly not liking the rain but he was out here anyway looking for her. And that warmed her heart a little. They were all there for her. Had they thought she was lost? Well, she had sort of just slipped away from them without saying where she was going so she could understand that.

The Ghoulette finally got to her feet; careful of the rain rushing down the steep roof and made her way to the edge; apparently, this wasn't what they had expected and they began to panic.

"No! Y/n! Blossom get away from the edge! We'll come up there to get you!" Mountain called looking around for a ladder or something.

But she didn't listen and instead stood right at the edge of the roof and raised her arms out on either side before tipping herself forward to freefall off the roof. As she fell through the air she could hear the shouting of panic and terror as several bodies lurched forward to catch her. A pair of arms snagged around her waist right before she fell to the ground; the momentum caused her and her rescuer to fall flat on the ground into the wet grass with the breath knocked out of their lungs. Well, that certainly wasn't a good idea.

She rolled over onto her back and a figure scrambled over her; hands brushing away her drenched hair that stuck to her face as they frantically made sure she was breathing and okay. She started to laugh. Actually laugh, carefree and awfully delighted with herself; her eyes peeking open a crack to Rain hovering over her looking no better than she with his dark wavy curls sticking to his face as he made sure she was okay.

"I'm fine." she finally let out between muffled giggles. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you guys."

"Damn it, woman!" Dewdrop knelt at their side and examined her to make sure she wasn't hurt too. "What the hell were you thinking?"

"I was thinking I needed a moment to myself." she replied with a sigh as she closed her eyes again.

"Blossom you're shaking! Look at you, you are drenched to the bone! You don't even have a jacket on!" Mountain's voice resembled the booming of the thunder above them.

"I'm okay really I just..." she opened here eyes again to look up at all the worried faces hovering above her and she felt a slight pang of guilt for worrying them so much. "I'm sorry...I didn't mean to make you think-"

She was cut off as Swiss yanked the girl to her feet and picked her up. "Stubborn girl. You could have said told us! You didn't need to run off and give us a heart attack; we thought you got lost or hurt in this storm." he muttered.

"I'm sorry." her eyes softened a bit as she rested her head on his shoulder.

"Come on, let's get out of this rain and get dried off." Rain added as he rose to his feet.

"Don't ever do that to us ever again!" Cumulus chided a little too harshly as she gripped onto Cirrus and Aurora as the three walked after the others. Despite her harsh tone worry was still swimming in her eyes; her anger came out from the depths of her concern and fear for their packmate.

They made it back inside in record time; dripping water all over the floor. While Mountain went to go grab some towels for them to dry off with Dewdrop started a fire in the fireplace to get the place warmed up and an extra source for them to dry off with as they placed themselves around it with Y/n in the middle. The ghoulette sat between Dewdrop's legs as he hugged her from behind; his usual form of affection she was growing fond of as he used his fire ghoul powers to heat his body up to dry off and warm her better than the fireplace ever could and she snuggled into him as she cuddled a pillow to her chest while Phantom and Swiss handed out some hot cocoas for everybody that had been made earlier before Y/n's disappearance.

"I am really sorry for worrying so you so much. I didn't mean to. I just...I don't know I just needed space to gather my thoughts and I guess I just thought you guys wouldn't notice." Y/n finally spoke up as she stared into the fire in front of her.

"What was all of that about though sweetheart? You know you didn't have to run off like that to gather your thoughts. You're part of our pack now, you could have just come to us if there was something on your mind." Cirrus said as she scooted closer to the girl and grabbed her hand.

"I..." Y/n looked down at the ground. "I just...you guys have been so kind to me...turning a blind eye when it came to my night terrors; and I'm not stupid, I know you hear me at night when it gets bad. I just, I felt like such a burden. Being the new one that didn't fit in. Even when you went out of your way to make me feel part of you guys I just..." she sighed rubbing her eyes when she felt the sting behind them.

"Y/n... No matter how new you think you are, we all have been there at one point. But you are here with us right now. Your family. You are our packmates and we love you. We were trying to give you space to make sure you settled in on your own time. But if you worried so much all you had to do was tell us. We wouldn't have let you go through this alone if you were struggling." Rain murmured from his spot nearby.

"I just didn't think you'd want to hear about it." Y/n confessed sheepishly. "It's been a long time since you guys were summoned I just thought you didn't want to have to deal with it again with me."

"Have you not heard a single thing we've said?" Dewdrop grumbled from behind her as he rested his chin on top of her head between her horns. "You're fucking family now, we wouldn't let you go through this alone, idiot."

Y/n nodded slightly feeling her eyes burn with tears and her throat close up a bit; she stifled her sniff by burying her face into the pillow and Aurora gave a little coo as she crawled over and placed herself in the other's lap to cuddle.

"You're okay, blossom." Mountain wrapped his tail around Y/n tightly and leaned closer to see her face; the glisten of her silent tears wetting her cheeks as it reflected from the fireplace.

"No more running and no more hiding from us okay You got an issue you come to us. We'd do anything for you and for each other; that's what packmates do, we can only imagine the kind of life you had in the pits because we had something similar. But you are safe now. You're home." Swiss added firmly as he reached out to grab one of her hands beneath the blanket she had on her lap.

"I promise. No more running or hiding," she replied wiping at her nose.

"Atta girl." Cumulus smiled getting comfortable in the nest made earlier that day. "Now come on. Join the pile. I'm pooped and I think we all need a nap."

Y/n laughed a bit and nodded as she crawled from between Dew's legs and came to rest against Cumulus's side while the others did the same; joining them in the pile of blankets, pillows, and warm bodies to nap out the storm brewing overhead.

#ghost #ghost ghouls #ghost fandom #ghost band oneshot #ghost band fandom #ghost band #swiss multi ghoul #swiss ghoul #rain ghoul #rain #phantom ghoul #phantom #mountain ghoul #mountain #dewdrop #dewdrop ghoul

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heaven-s-black-box · 5 months

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Death Afternoon- Kaeya x Gn!Reader

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Recovery date: March 11th, 2023

Description: "Let's see hm.... Kaeya × Enby Reader." Kaeya has a date tonight, one that he wants to be on time for, and Jean is making him catch up on outstanding work. He can only hope Y/n won't be too mad

Notes: Content Warning for Alcohol. Recovered in conjunction with @baylecn, we thank them for their contribution.

Word count: 582

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Kaeya Alberich is known for taking his sweet time with his work, and for the most part it works. As long as it gets done before the deadline Jean doesn’t care… most of the time. Then there are the times where she hunts him down and forces him to sit at his desk, like a child, and makes him work.

This is one of those times, and Kaeya Alberich has never regretted a decision as much as this.

Looking up at the clock, he winced. It was a little after seven, the sun was waning, and he was still half an hour away from finishing work. That was half an hour later than he already was to get to The Angel’s Share.

They were probably waiting— sitting at a booth in the back, watching the door, waiting for him while Diluc gave him a mental scolding.

He turned back to the form in front of him, a new patrol outline that Amber had put forward and he had to assign some knights to, signing the first two names he could think of before adding it to the finished pile. The next one was just as dull, a reimbursement form from a merchant over some hilichurl damage.

The one time Kaeya wanted to be on time, his lax work habits caught up to him.

As the clock hit seven thirty Y/n stepped out of their home, giving Klee a wave goodbye as the girl closed the door behind them. They skipped down the steps one by one to meet the stone path and spun around the banister to head towards The Angel’s Share; and there, just as they’d expected, was a panicked Kaeya.

“Well, well, well,” they called, leaning against the low stone wall, laughing as Kaeya whipped his head around to find them. His shoulders visibly relaxed as he rushed over. “Look who finally showed up.”

Y/n hopped down and crossed their arms as the cavalry captain stopped just a step away. His hair was ruffled, as if he’d been running his hands through it, and they wondered if he’d gone inside and come back out. Had he really thought they’d left?

“I- Diluc said you’d left?”

Oh.

“Kaeya, I just got here.” He went to speak, but Y/n raised a finger to silence him. “I ran into Jean earlier, she went on a bit of a rant about your outstanding work, you got lucky on that one.”

He sighed. “So you knew I’d be late.”

They frowned at him, crossing their arms again. “Sucky, isn't it. Waiting on someone, I mean. Now, I want you to remember this next time you skip out on work or leave someone waiting because you can’t be assed.”

It was childish, the kind of lesson on punctuality they’d teach Klee, but Kaeya couldn’t care in the moment.

“So Master Diluc was just being mean,” he frowned with an over dramatic whine.

“Must be a family thing. Now you promised me a drink,” they brushed past him with a smug smile, “and I want to know what on earth was more important than me.”

When they got inside, Diluc gave Y/n a stiff nod and leveled Kaeya with a disappointed glare, but two death afternoons were set out in a booth at the back.

For the next month, all of Kaeya’s work was finished within a day of being issued, and Jean sent Y/n a nice box of tea as thanks.

#researcher s's recovery #genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #genshin impact kaeya #kaeya alberich #kaeya x reader #x reader #gender neutral reader #oneshot #genshin impact oneshot #rating unavailable

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deviildarliing · 1 year

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can we all agree that jekyll is autistic as all hell, because why wouldn't he be? just look at the guy. he fixates so hard on the idea of masking himself LITERALLY, to the point of his own downfall

okay, but seriously, here's some fun little hcs that won't stop spinning in my head 🧪

so, first things first, he's a bit of an ego maniac, right? like, big yet incredibly fragile ego, ego maniac; one who'll do anything to prove he's correct purely out of spite and doesn't mind looking a bit bad if it means he's victorious. this would play into the idea that he's nice to the people around him, but behind closed doors he can't stop himself from mocking those idiots under his breath

when people are really testing his patience, he's got this neat little eye twitch, left, and usually excuses it with allergies or something of the like. he's very proper at smiling and saying the right things, reading people and using that against them in times of great distress, as i've said before he manipulates others without needing to do much at all. he's awful and he knows it, but he wears a mask of hospitality to pretend he isn't and no one is any the wiser

for things like stims, he can mostly be found fiddling with the cane utterson gifted him, and before in his youth he'd mess with either his hair or his clothes by like subconsciously tugging or twirling. oh my, he used to have a nasty habit of tugging on his hair to the point he just started tying it back so it would be out of the way

lanyon and utterson could tell you all about his little habits during their school days. for instance, if he so much as messed up a letter on a paper he was writing, he'd have to start the entire thing over again from scratch. he'd read books very meticulously, leaving little notes in the margins to mark the most interesting parts, even if they weren't his. he'd always talk about how much he disliked his face, the asymmetry of his beauty mark threw everything off and it was maddening, but with a few encouraging words from both lanyon and utterson alike, he slowly grew to appreciate the mark in time

let's go back to present day jekyll, 50yrs old and doing his best. here's a more sort of serious one

he most definitely experiences derealization, i would believe, considering he drinks literal chemicals and changes his face, that's not very realistic to me, boss. this goes along with the fact that he tends to mutter under his breath or talk to himself when alone because it's basically thinking out loud, helping himself stay on track, that sort of thing (utterson knows about this and doesn't judge him) and it's a harmless habit that starts to get a bit out of hand after he's been drinking the potion for awhile. fear starts to feed into his paranoia of being caught and now anytime he thinks he 'hears' hyde's voice, it's just his guilty conscience taking out its frustrations in the form of a conversation, or sometimes even violent altercations, between a man who's on the brink of delusion and his own bad thoughts. he can't even look in mirrors or reflective surfaces because his mind plays dirty tricks on him and they feel far too real and terrify him

i think that's all i can write down for now before i spin out, so

full disclaimer right here at the end because some people might need to be reminded: just because henry jekyll is an awful person (in canon!!!) AND has mental illnesses, doesn't mean the two terms correlate and if you think so then get off my post because that's absurd

and with that, we will wrap this thing up!

thanks for reading if you did, here's a little something for the road 🍬 and if anyone has their own headcanons, i'd love to hear about them 🤍

#the strange case of dr jekyll and mr hyde #henry jekyll #autistic headcanon #gothic literature

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drifting-pieces-blog-blog · 2 years

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What we see - Part 1

Summary: Marc and Steven have returned to their flat in London shortly after everything in Cairo. But there's just something Steven can't get out of his head. What really happened when they both blacked out?

Steven and Marc discuss the possibility of a third.

Warnings: I don't know. You watched the show. All of that.

Pairing: None. Word count: 1447

PART ONE. Steven can’t sleep and that means he thinks.

Part two now up HERE.

-----

You’re not meant to see that.

This was something that Steven had been thinking about lately. Uttered to him in a time of great vulnerability when they were lost deep in the Duat.

There was a lot that he hadn’t been meant to see and had not seen. Communication was open now, but it didn’t stop Marc from hesitating to explain some things.

He didn’t blame him. It’s hard to change such a deeply ingrained habit and form of self protection. The first time Steven had asked about his military service it had taken Marc a full day to come around to telling him more than just “I served and then I got discharged.”

Steven was patient. If Marc needed time then he would give it easily. He knew that he would eventually be rewarded with answers in time. Marc was learning to open up.

In some way, Steven missed how easy the Duat had been. A door for ever memory. He could just stroll down the hall and see first hand something that might not be so easy to explain.

But there had been so many doors… And so many of them had been locked. Marc had admitted to the fact that his memories were a jumbled mess.

A fugue state.

“Hey Marc?” Steven turned the Rubik's cube over in his hands slowly. He waited for a moment before he felt Marc stir.

“Steven? What time is it?”

Steven glanced up at the clock on the wall. “Almost three.”

“In the morning?” Marc ran a hand through his hair with a sigh. “You realize that the body does require sleep, right? Just because I’m not active doesn’t mean we are getting rest.”

Steven turned and gave his reflection an annoyed look. “Funny coming from the man that ran around all the time following a giant pigeon at all hours of the night.”

Marc gave him an equally annoyed look. “What is it Steven?”

“Are you missing a lot of time? Black outs and what not?” He turned a row of color and held up the freshly solved cube for a moment before he set it aside to scramble and resolve tomorrow night.

“Are you serious?” Marc rolled his eyes and moved to a more comfortable reflection in order to give Steven a direct look. “Half my life has felt like one giant black out.”

“I mean times that wasn’t me. Like your fugue state.” Steven sat forward in his chair and held up the latest book he had been studying.

Marc looked at the cover. “You’re reading about our problem.” Marc had never bothered to read up on it. He had only recently learned the proper term for it thanks to Steven. Marc had shied away from reading about it. A trauma from his past that Steven had yet to touch on, he was sure.

“Well I figure I might as well know what’s making us tick. Layla actually recommended this book to me.” Layla had a million questions and Marc had been stubbornly quiet on the topic. It was all still so new to Steven that he didn’t even feel qualified to answer without learning all he could about it. “Ask me anything about Egypt and I could go on for days. Ask me about how my own mind works and it is rather embarrassing how little I can answer.”

“Yeah, okay.” Marc sat back in the chair, arms folded tightly over his chest. A posture Steven recognized as the ‘I’ll talk but ask the wrong question and I’m shutting this down’ pose.

“Fugue state.” Steven repeated. “That wasn’t me. I think I’d remember waking up in military garb in another country.”

“I don’t know. I just sort of wandered off. It was a rough time. It happens all the time to soldiers. One too many horrors of war and all that. I had this one buddy, he… You know, PTSD and all that…” Marc shrugged and looked away.

“Right.” Steven made a mental note to try to get more information about that later. “I suppose that is plausible. Dissociating I think the book called it.” He flipped through the book quickly then slipped a bookmark in as a reminder to go back and reread that section later.

“Yeah. Happens all the time.” Marc waved a dismissive hand. “Was that it?”

“Marc, what do you think happened in Cairo? When you were chasing that little gang?” Steven fidgeted with the cover of the book, smoothing out the edges gently.

Marc stiffened. “I don’t know. You’d have to ask Khonshu that one.”

“And when we fought Harrow?”

“I told you, I blacked out.” Marc stood up.

Something clicked into place. “You think it was you.” Steven gaped.

“It fits doesn’t it?” Marc’s eyebrows furrowed and the guilt filled his eyes. “After all, I’m the mercenary, aren’t I? I know how to do that. I’ve done that. So what if I don’t remember it? I was just a tool to Khonshu, who cares if I remember everything I did or not. Just more blood on my hands, right?”

“I don’t think that’s true.” Steven set the book aside and jumped up in excitement. “I don’t think you had anything to do with that! And if I didn’t do it and you didn’t do it…”

Marc sighed. “So what? Khonshu possessed me somehow like some sort of puppet?”

You’re not meant to see that.

All the things Steven had missed over the years. All the things he had been given an alternate story to and so willingly and eagerly believed to be true.

“Marc…What if we aren’t alone in here?” He slowly looked around at all the reflective surfaces.

“Steven, what are you talking about?” Marc glanced around the flat as if expecting to find some silent assassin hiding behind the book cases.

Marc had let Steven out of the sarcophagus but been all too quick to run past the other one. Steven had wanted to question it, but it was just so easy to let it slip from his mind at the time.

“I think we have a third.” Steven swallowed.

“Don’t be stupid.” Marc huffed. “How could we have a third? I’ve never seen or even felt anything about that.”

“You can’t be a fly on every wall.” Steven sighed. “You were so focused on my life that maybe someone else was focused on you and…you missed it?”

Marc’s face twisted as he visibly fought off the emotion. The fear made Steven’s heart hurt most. The emotion was masked off just as quickly as it came. “Alright. Say I believe you. Say there is some… violent and murdering third… What do we do about it? What did your book say? Can we get rid of it?”

“Firstly, I don’t think it works that way.” Steven held up a finger, suddenly feeling defensive of this mystery third. “Secondly, he saved us. Twice if I understand the situation correctly. Maybe more.”

“Suddenly you’re okay with killing?” Marc snapped.

“Of course not!” Steven clenched his fists at his side. “Of course I’m bloody not okay with killing. I just… Maybe if we could talk to them… Maybe he saw it as life or death. Maybe he’s just looking out for you. For us.”

Marc tapped a finger at his side in agitation. “I’m going back to sleep. I suggest you do the same. You know it’s easier to front when you’re rested.”

“Fine.” Steven slouched. “But I’m not giving up. I will find a way to talk to him.”

“Don’t forget the ankle restraint.” Marc muttered. “Bastard isn’t going to just walk off with us so easily.”

“Yeah cause they worked so well against you.” Steven sighed and went to lock the door. He paused and grabbed a piece of paper and a pen. Quickly scribbling out a message, he taped it to the door. “Don’t know if you can hear me, but uh… Hello.” He tapped a finger to the message. “Just want to talk.”

Glancing around again, he thought he saw one of the reflections shift ever so slightly out of sync with him.

But I do see. I see it now.

He grinned as he got into the bed, latching the ankle restraint as usual. A third. The very thought was thrilling, if not a little scary. What was this third like? Some silent protector? If anyone needed someone watching their back, it was absolutely Marc Spector. Marc certainly wasn’t going to do it himself.

“Night Marc.” Steven relaxed back.

“Night.” Marc gruffed back. His irritation would fade come morning.

Steven glanced across the room at the note on the door before clicking out the light.

“Hi. What’s your name? Do you like fish?”

#Moon Knight #Moon Knight fic #Marc Spector #Jake Lockley #Steven Grant #I have a mighty need to see this system communicate #Fine I'll do it myself

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waywardxrhea · 4 months

Text

Part Twenty-Two: Training

[slow burn romance between Steve Rogers and SHIELD agent Emma Baker]

Warnings: 18+, contains humor, fluff, mental health, family trauma, romance, angst, language, violence, (potentially smut later on).

installment list

Word count: 4k

Emma trains with the Avengers.

Over the next few weeks, Emma begins her training with the Avengers. She first starts with Natasha, working on her fighting form. The first days are a bit rough, with Emma wanting to give up multiple times. When she gets really frustrated, Natasha can tell, so when this happens one day, she stops and asks her, "You like music right?"

"Yeah, why?" Emma asks, confused.

"Well fighting is kind of like dancing in a way. Your opponent's moves are usually in a pattern, or rhythm because everyone fights in their own style, usually the same way every time. If you can figure that pattern out then it's easy to knock them off that rhythm and beat them."

"Okay, I can see that. Where are we going with this analogy?"

"Let's call it for the day while I explain." The two gather their stuff and head out of the training gym. While heading out, Natasha says, "Well for training we can program a playlist into SAM for you to practice with so we can get you into that habit of a rhythmic fight. Maybe we can get into contact with Stark and see if he can program the AI to see an opponent's patterns too. In theory, this programming could then find a song that matches their fighting pattern and you could use that to your advantage. With time you'll learn to see the patterns on your own."

Emma smiles and says, "I'd like to try that. Whatever can help me get better at this whole hand-to-hand combat thing."

"Hey it's not that you're bad, you're surprisingly good at it actually. You just aren't at the level the rest of us are. I've had years of training, Steve is...well Steve, Sam and Rhodey are military men, and Wanda and Vision have powers so they don't even have to deal with combat."

"I just hope I won't be dragging you guys down..."

"It's not like we've had too many leads on anything lately, so we have time," Natasha replies with a small smile.

Maria walks up behind them and says, "Not for long, hopefully. We've started to hear things floating around that may indicate that Rumlow of all people is up to no good. We'll need everyone with the skillset searching for him, that includes the both of you."

Natasha nods, telling her, "Give us the intel that you have and we can get on it."

"See now this is more my speed," Emma says. "Now I know I'll keep busy with training and this plus what's left of my personal life. Or lack thereof."

"I'm sure you'll be fine," Maria tells her as Natasha waves a quick farewell and heads off. When she's out of earshot, Maria says, "It's not like you're doing anything about that personal life of yours."

Emma gives her a look and asks, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Em, your so-called personal life is your weekly video chat with your therapist and occasionally taking a trip into the city with me to see a show."

"What's wrong with that? I like hanging out with you!"

"And I like hanging out with you, but you need to do something about your not so little crush on-" Maria abruptly stops her sentence as Sam and Steve round the corner.

Emma can't help the slight blush that creeps onto her cheeks as Sam greets them with a smile. Relief floods her body when neither mentions what Maria had been talking about though. Realizing this, Emma relaxes and asks casually, "Where are you two off to?"

"I'm about to prove to Steve I can beat him in a fight," Sam says confidently.

"Good luck with that, Wilson," Emma tells him with a laugh. Before they head off, Maria's words echo in her head, and a wave of confidence hits Emma. She turns to Steve before he turns away and says, "Hey you got this," with a subtle wink. Steve smiles and mouths Thank you before heading off.

When they're out of sight, Maria elbows Emma in the ribs and smirks before saying, "See, you just have to do more of that. Did you see that stupid smile on his face?"

Emma can't help the smile on her own as she replies, "I will admit that was a rush. I just feel like life is about to get way too busy to try and navigate this...flirtationship."

"Life is never too busy for love," Maria replies.

"Tell that to yourself! I don't see you riding off into the sunset with prince charming."

"Do as I say not as I do, Baker," Maria quips back while they walk to her office space to start on their intel hunt.

A few more weeks of training and intel hunting go by in a breeze with Emma not even realizing how much time had gone by. One afternoon when the rest of the team had gone out following a small lead they found, Emma and Sam are sitting on the couches in the living area trying to find more information for their manhunt.

While they search, they off-handedly chat, Sam asking, "So how's your training with Nat been going? I've noticed you're getting a lot quicker and stronger with your fighting."

"Oh thanks, I think it's been going well actually. Stark helped us get some extra programs into SAM so I can be more battle-ready. You know if that time ever comes."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean, there haven't been any crazy events that need avenging in the last few months since Sokovia. I feel like HYDRA and whatever other organizations may be out there are just taking a break."

Sam laughs, saying, "That isn't a bad thing by any means."

"Exactly," Emma replies, taking a sip of her water.

Sam decides to tease her by saying, "What, are you scared of fighting some bad guys now that you're an Avenger?"

"Not scared, just..." she pauses and stops her search on her laptop. "I feel like I would definitely be the first one of all of us taken out. You, Wanda, Vision, and Rhodes can fly, Steve and Natasha are complete badasses, and I've got a drone. I just feel a bit in over my head." At the conclusion of her statement, Emma starts messing with the hem of her shirt to distract herself from her anxious thoughts.

"Ems, Steve and I wouldn't let anything happen to you," Sam tells her. "You've had our backs with that tech of yours all this time, and we'll have yours if it comes to it."

"Thanks, Sam," Emma replies, a small smile on her lips.

"Now, since neither of us seems to have made any progress over the last hour, wanna go outside and do some training? I'll suit up, you get that drone of yours and we'll see what you've got against me."

"Oh, you're on, Wilson!"

Emma and Sam both take off to get their gear and meet outside where she switches on all of SAM's combat tech once she gets into the field. When she doesn't see Sam anywhere without assistance, she puts her drone in stealth mode to fly up and find him.

"If you want the games to begin you'll have to find me first," Sam's voice comes through the coms that are attached to her AI glasses.

Emma scans the surrounding area and sees him crouched behind some of the training tires that are in one of the far fields. "Game on, Wilson."

Along with her combat training, Natasha had started to train Emma in undercover work and espionage, so she tries to use that training to sneak up on Sam. She scans the area again trying to find the best ways to sneak over to where he is but is suddenly alerted of an alarm trip on the roof of the compound.

"Did you see that sensor trip?" Sam asks.

"Affirmative," Emma replies, abandoning the mission to find him.

"I'm gonna go see what it was," Sam tells her.

"Well at least come get me!"

"You got it," he says with a laugh. He flies by and grabs Emma under the arms to fly the pair of them to the roof, asking, "You eager for your possible first real fight as an Avenger?"

"Hell yeah," Emma replies as they land on the roof.

The pair of them look around but can't see anything at first glance. Through her glasses though, Emma sees a man the size of an ant standing on the roof. She elbows Sam subtly and he uses his goggles to see the man as well. "I can see you," Sam announces.

The man suddenly grows to full size, making Emma jump a little bit. Under her breath, she mutters to her AI, "SAM can you find anything on this guy?"

"On it, boss."

"Hi, I'm Scott," the man says with a small wave.

"What are you doing here?" Sam asks.

"First off, I'm a big fan," Scott tells him. He then turns to Emma and says, "Oh and you're that chick that does the reporting! And the blogs! You're one of the reasons I'm such a big hero fan, I'm so honored to meet you!"

Emma smiles a bit but then remembers that the man is an intruder, so she drops the smile and says, "While we appreciate the recognition, who are you? We're gonna need a bit more than just Scott."

"How about Ant-Man? You heard of me that way?"

As he says this, SAM pulls up a file on him that shows his prison record. Using the new knowledge, Emma says, "Now, Mr. Lang, I see you have a heist record. Tell us why we shouldn't take you down right now for breaking onto the property, presumably for a heist."

"Well I know it seems bad that I came uninvited, but I just need to borrow some technology. I'll bring it back in a few days, you won't even know it's gone. I just need it to save the world, you guys know how that is."

"Yeah, we know exactly how that is," Sam tells him while taking a step toward him. Sam then radios to the security guards in the facility, "I've located the breach, bringing him in."

"I'm really sorry about this," Lang says before shrinking down and then coming right back up to punch Sam in the jaw, sending him flying. Sam releases his wings and grabs Emma to drop her to the ground below, shouting, "You see if you can find him down there, I'll search in the air. He can't have gone far!" Emma tucks into a flip before smoothly getting up and running, calling out her understanding of the order.

Emma keeps her drone out of sight in stealth mode so they could at least have that element of surprise and continues the chase on foot. SAM spots Lang in the grass and Emma sprints over to where he's running. "Wilson, on my location!"

"On it!" Sam lands shortly and begins trying to stomp on Lang when he locates him.

Lang, in his tiny form, begins attacking Sam, knocking powerful blows to him that should not be possible for someone of that size. Emma has SAM analyze his patterns and is about to attack when Sam deals a punch to Lang that ends with him on the ground in his full-sized form.

Sam starts to tend to a glitch on his suit and tells Emma, "Cover me!"

Emma takes a stance between Sam and the man. Immediately, Lang gets up and apologizes, telling her, "I'm sorry, I'm sure you're a great person, but I need to do this." With those words, he shrinks down and knocks a punch into Emma's abdomen.

With the wind knocked out of her, Emma powers through and makes a quick jab to where Lang was flying midair by her face. She hears him groan in pain as he turns back to normal size for another round. From above, SAM fires blasters, providing a distraction while Emma runs at him to get him off his feet again. She sweeps her leg under his and pins him to the ground, but right as she does, he shrinks down and out of her hold.

Lang flies up and knocks Emma to the ground before rounding on Sam, catching him in a hold with his legs. Sam turns on his jetpack and drags the pair of them down the field, going flying when Lang goes small again. Emma gets up from the dirt and races over to where Sam is, helping him up. Right as he gets to his feet, he uses his wings to hit Lang which returns him to his full size on the ground. That doesn't last for long though as he shrinks down and starts running yet again.

"How the hell are we supposed to beat this guy?" Emma asks. Sam doesn't answer, he just runs in the direction of the building Lang is heading to. Emma sighs and follows the pair who enter the storage area.

"What if he really does need this to save the world? Who are we to stop him?" Emma asks quietly as they enter the dark room.

Sam shoots her a look. "Wanting to save the world, that's exactly what Ultron said. And HYDRA with the murder helicarriers. How can we trust someone who just barges into the facility to take Stark's tech? And that's another thing, you could get fired by Stark and Potts. Let's just focus on getting this guy."

Out of nowhere, Sam's wings spread, almost hitting Emma. She jumps out of the way but then scoffs and says, "Okay, wow you didn't have to try and decapitate me, I was just thinking out loud."

"I'm not doing this!" Sam shouts as he goes flying out of the door. "He's in my pack!"

Emma curses and begins running after him, shouting, "SAM what can we do?"

"Running scans on the pack now," she replies. After a second, she says, "There isn't much we can do other than shooting the pack with the blasters. He's taking the thing apart from the inside!"

"Well, I'm not shooting him out of the sky!"

"I'm going down either way! Just do it!" Sam shouts.

"SAM, lowest impact blaster. Get at an angle where you don't have to risk hurting Wilson. Do it now!"

"Yes ma'am," the voice comes. Emma runs in Sam's direction as she tracks the drone's movements with her glasses and watches it shoot a blaster at the pack right when Sam is getting closer to the ground. She flinches when the blast makes contact but is grateful that he doesn't get hurt.

After the impact of falling to the ground, Sam gets up as Emma meets with him. He takes his goggles off, telling her, "They're fried. Where the hell did he go?"

Emma looks around and sees Lang flying off on an ant. She begins ordering blaster shots at him, but he gets away quickly and is out of sight. "Damnit," she whispers as she calls her drone back to their location.

She helps Sam onto his feet and they begin to walk back into the compound. "Can we both agree that Cap doesn't need to know about this?" Sam asks as they head inside.

Emma laughs and nods, telling him, "I can agree to that, Mr. I can beat Captain America in a fight. How'd that go anyways? I never followed up."

"Well, I really thought I had him at first. He seemed super distracted in the beginning." He smirks and asks, "Do you happen to know anything about that? You were in fact the last one we talked to before going to the gym."

Emma smiles mischievously and replies, "No, no idea. Maybe you're just getting really good, Wilson."

"Uh-huh, that's what it is," he responds, laughing. The two get to the labs to start getting Sam's pack fixed. "Again, no word of this to Steve, okay? You need to erase that footage from SAM's drive and we need to go erase the security cams that captured that."

Emma glances over at him and asks innocently, "Oh come on, what if I wanted to use that footage to figure out what I need to work on fighting-wise?"

"Oh don't you use that excuse, you get enough combat training that you can use any of that footage."

"But those are controlled fights with my peers, not an actual fight where the person was trying to beat us."

Sam gives in, sighing as he says, "Fine. You can keep your drone footage, but I'm deleting the security cams. And I swear if Steve even gets a second of that footage, you are not going to enjoy our next game night, Baker."

"Oh I'm so scared!" Emma replies sarcastically. The two laugh as they set up the lab tech with Sam's broken pack. They walk out of the lab to go back to their intel search and Emma asks, "What if someone asks about the blaster scorches in the field or the broken garage door Lang threw you out of?"

Sam thinks for a second before responding with "We took our training game a bit too far."

"Fair enough," Emma replies as she sits down on the couch again, settling in to continue her search.

Over the next couple of months, training continues with little to no encounters with any threats. Sam and Emma keep their little fight with Ant-Man a secret from the rest of the team in the meantime until they find something on him.

Some days when the team is training together, they split off into groups for sparring with Natasha watching. Almost every single time Emma and Steve end up together, this being completely intentional on the rest of the team's part.

"So we meet again," Steve says with a smile as he faces Emma for the exercise.

"That we do," Emma replies, smiling back. "You ready to have your ass handed to you?"

Steve laughs at Emma's joke and tells her, "You may be kidding but I know you've been working hard with Nat, I'm not gonna underestimate you."

"Good idea," Emma says with a wink and a laugh as they get ready.

The two go easy on each other for a few minutes, passing jokes and quips between each other as they go. Natasha walks by and sees this, telling them, "Oh come on don't be afraid to hurt each other. You can walk it off if you do."

Emma laughs and tells her, "Nat, I'm not worried about hurting him."

"Let's try that technique I showed you the other day, Baker. Steve, pin Emma to the ground," Natasha says with a smirk. Steve's powerful stance falters for a second when she tells him this. Nat notices and tells him, "Oh man up, Rogers."

"Yes ma'am," Steve says, regaining his focus. Before Emma even has time to process what's happening, Steve has her pinned to the floor, holding her shoulders down. Emma looks up at Steve above her and can feel the heat in her cheeks, hoping it isn't noticeable.

After what feels like forever looking into Steve's eyes, Emma's mind and body kick into gear, remembering the move Nat showed her. She quickly tucks her elbows close to her body so Steve couldn't get his knees under her arms. She then crosses her body with her arm and grabs Steve's wrist with one hand and his tricep with the other to lock his arm in place. Kicking up one foot, she loops it over to the outside of one of Steve's legs and plants the other between them. Their bodies are entangled impossibly close together, and although she wants to, Emma tries not to focus on that as she continues the move. With Steve's body locked into place, Emma lifts her hips and flips the two of them over with a bit of effort. When she's on top, she pins his shoulders to the ground and says, "Good thing you didn't underestimate me."

"Wouldn't have dreamed of it," Steve replies, holding eye contact with her.

From behind them, Sam whistles. "Get a room you two," he teases. Natasha smirks at the comment, giving Sam a high five in response.

"Okay everyone, let's call it for the day," Natasha calls and everyone starts heading to the door.

Emma rolls off of Steve and onto the mat, rubbing her shoulder a bit from the impact of it hitting the floor when Steve pinned her. Steve stands and offers Emma a hand up. She takes it and he tells her, "You had great form, I'm impressed. I'm sorry if I was a bit rough on you."

"Thanks," Emma tells him with a smile. "I was just a bit caught off guard at first is all."

Steve subtly looks around to see if Sam was around before telling Emma with a smirk, "I could tell." Emma's heart jumps in her chest at the words, but before she can come up with a response, Steve is already heading for the door.

Emma stands frozen in the room alone, or so she thinks. She hears footsteps behind her and then comes Maria's voice saying, "Wow! You could cut the sexual tension there with a knife! And you say it's still just a flirtationship?"

Emma groans and replies, "Yes, I'm sure." Only then does she realize the shaking in her hands from the encounter. "Every time we have to pair up for training, Steve and I end up together, and every time it ends like this. Sam makes a joke, one of us turns up the flirting, and then nothing happens after that."

"Well, why don't you do something about it next time?"

"Maria, you act as if I know how to do that."

"You don't?"

"We've been over this, I don't have good experiences with relationships. At all. Any other relationship I've been in was my partner taking advantage of me because I just wanted to prove my parents wrong and prove that I could be loved. I had no clue what a relationship was supposed to be like, so I got taken advantage of." She sighs as she lets her hair down, continuing with, "I have so many feelings for Steve and he makes me think I could be worth loving, but I'm so afraid to take the jump because I don't want to get hurt. I would rather suffer from all these feelings than lose him... Who knows, I could be making it all up too, the flirting I mean. I'd hate to ruin what we have over a complete misinterpretation of what's going on."

"Emma, if he's been flirting back then he's got to have feelings for you," Maria tells her.

"But if he feels the same way then why doesn't he make a move? What if it's just flirting?"

"Steve wouldn't do that, Em. He's an honest guy and doesn't seem like the type that would lead someone on like that. As for the first problem there, what if he has the same anxiety about making a move as you do?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean the last girl he cared for in this way he had to say goodbye to. What if he's afraid of something like that happening again?"

Emma thinks for a second and nods. "I see your point, I guess at the moment I'm just gonna have to be fine with what we have going on because I'm not sure I'll ever have the confidence to make the first move. Plus I've been busy trying to find out intel on Rumlow and Ant-" she pauses, "another person that caught my radar."

"If you're talking about what happened with that Ant-Man guy, I totally know what happened, Em," Maria laughs. "Sam may have deleted the footage, but the security guy told me everything."

Emma laughs and tries to keep the subject away from her awful anxiety about wanting to be with Steve. "So you know how Sam totally got his ass whooped?"

"You act as if you didn't!"

"Okay physically yes, but my tech was intact at the end of that battle, so I say I did better!"

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, Emma."

Emma laughs before parting ways with Maria to freshen up. While walking back to her room, she can't help her mind wandering to all the times Steve has acted flirtatious towards her and she smiles at the thought.

a/n: okay this was one of my favorite chapters to write because I got to display Sam and Emma's friendship but also because we're finally in the territory of open flirting between Emma and Steve! Oh my heart, I love them!

link to the next part

#fanfic #marvel #captain america #slow burn #steve rogers #romance #fanfiction #friends to lovers #Spotify

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destinygoldenstar · 4 months

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Here's a fun fact:

In TDDRI, Izzy was originally NOT supposed to be alive as long as she is. She was supposed to die in the Chapter 2 execution, like it was framed she would. The backstory was the same, her reasons for killing Cody was the same, but she didn't have that much relevance to the story.

Which is crazy, because for those who read the fic, she's VERY relevant, and will be going forward.

But yeah, originally she was just a side character and a Chapter 2 Culprit who died like any Culprit did.

So what changed? The reception I got from the fic. People loved her character in the fic so much, and were heavily intrigued in what she'd do in the future.

So I decided to keep her around longer and made her part much bigger.

It is so rare that I EVER listen to my fans on dictating my writing choices. I'm one of those people who believe that writers should do their own thing and make the story they want. This is the exception.

Why? Because what I originally had was far less interesting, and I got pointed out the loads of potential Izzy had with the narrative I gave her.

For example, originally, it was the Mastermind that made Chapter 4's motive, not Izzy. Which, if you know, would've been very out of character for the Mastermind, who wants to rehabilitate everyone and not actively torture and kill them. Whereas Izzy wanted to kill and torture them.

Keeping Izzy around actively helped polish some of the plot holes in my original script.

Izzy is one of the most unique characters I've written in anything for sure. Why? Because with the others there's SOME logic to their actions and behaviors. But with Izzy, there seems to be next to none besides trauma and wanting to spite the killing games that caused said trauma. She constantly lies to everyone and herself, she constantly gains different perspectives from whats happened to her, and there is little to no rationality behind her thinking whatsoever.

As written to quote Noah: "If you can't make sense of it, she can. Simple as that."

I'm not psychotic. I'm autistic. Those two things are NOT similar at all btw. I had to do research, and even then I think I got stuff wrong. But I do kind of relate to that line from my own habits. Sometimes there isn't any logic behind what people do. Some people don't have a good emotional control for example, and logic is out the window. For psychos, the definition is NOT 'crazy' it's actually 'disconnected from reality'. You see things that aren't there. You start behaving on your own rules and not the rules of the real world. You get triggered in some form by things that seem irrational to others.

Based on that, you can actually see multiple TDDRI characters being/becoming psychotic because of the game. (Like Lindsay, the Mastermind, or hell, even Duncan) Izzy is just the most experienced with it, therefore she is triggered the most. I didn't want to portray mental illness as the reason why Izzy is 'evil'. I don't call her evil, personally. That's really up to how you view her. That's why it's easy to see multiple characters suffering from stuff like this, to show that different people have different reactions, and it's not 'psychosis makes you a bad person'. That's not true.

The other characters calling her crazy is NOT necessarily me the writer telling the audience to see psychos as crazy. It's these particular characters not knowing how psychosis works and interpreting it inaccurately. Like real people with no experience do.

Basically, Izzy is chaotic. She goes by her own rules. She doesn't care what the good or evil choice is. She just does or the sake of her own emotions and mind playing her. It's all from real life experience that she's had, and of course, people not understanding what psychosis is. Logic is not the way to understanding her.

I usually write characters based on logic, but thanks to Izzy forcing a new approach, I feel like these characters have become more authentic as a result. When it comes to fiction, we often interpret character's actions as something 'in character' for them, something that can be explained, something that can be easily understandable. It's bad writing if it's not.

That's actually not the real world, and I've certainly had perspective shifts from that in life. There's so many other factors from people's actions. Stuff that can't be explained at all. We like to think we're not biased, but sometimes we are and we can't find logic as to why we're biased, for example.

I think that's the appeal of Izzy in this fic. She's one of the toughest characters to crack the code of, and that's why she's brought so much life to this fic and helped me make it feel a lot more real on the psychological destruction these games can do to people.

So, I'm happy y'all wanted her to stay around. Idk if the story would've worked nearly as well otherwise.

#total drama #danganronpa #total drama danganronpa island #td izzy #ao3 #ao3 fanfic #character analysis #wattpad writer #wattpad fanfiction #wattpad

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spicedwatermel0n · 1 year

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TW// S/H, BLOOD, BRUISING, AND IMPLIED ABUSE ON THE THIRD IMAGE, TALK OF ABUSE, ALCOHOL AND S/H IN SECOND PART OF THE CAPTION BELOW THE DRAWINGS.

I would also like to add that these are mostly headcanons that I've made for coping with my own trauma with the subjects. I make these headcanons for my own comfort knowing that I'm not alone when struggling, and for people who struggle with these things themselves who wish they could see their struggles portrayed in their favorite characters. I do NOT support acts of hurting oneself or others and if you're in a bad situation please get help if you can <33 these struggles can occur at ANY age. If you see signs of someone possibly hurting themselves, hurting others, or being hurt, no matter how young or old, tell someone who can help them get out of the situation.

I think they'd always be there for each other, even for small things like one of them being a little angry or one of them just having a bad day. They love each other, and feel comfortable enough around each other to let out their emotions freely without fear of being shamed. Wally likes to tell Hoagie that they're "battling this together", even if what is happening to Hoagie has nothing to do with Wally. He likes to compare it to fights with adult tyranny where he thought he'd lose but ended up winning in the end, and tells Hoagie that he just needs to keep fighting.

They both share similar struggles, both are abused and both have a tendency to hurt themselves on purpose when they feel strong negative emotions. Wally deals with his mother who lost her job recently and has taken to drinking alcoholic beverages to cope, which causes unnecessarily violent actions towards Wally and ONLY Wally, at completely unexpected points. She's normally very sweet and caring, but the alcohol messes with her and makes her feel as though she needs to punish her older son in more extreme ways. Wally has gotten used to the feeling of being hurt that he impulsively hurts himself constantly out of habit (typically with his nails, scissors, edges of tables, etc) or out of anger (banging his head, ripping his hair out, slapping his face, etc). Hoagie deals with the same issues, but they form much differently than they do for Wally. His grandma hurts him both mentally and physically, but instead of doing it when/where no one else can see like Wally's mom, she does it anywhere at any time in front of anyone. His mom is too afraid to confront her own mother, so he's forced to deal with her abuse (caused by dementia). Unfortunately, Hoagie grew up with unrestricted internet access and learned about unhealthy coping skills far too early in his life. He never showed an issue with keeping himself safe until Abby had a brief struggle with it a year prior to the show. She had picked it up from Cree, who encouraged her to hurt herself to make herself feel better. Of course, she realized how horrible it made her feel and the permanent damage it would cause and stopped doing it, and eventually got her sister to get help for it, but Hoagie began doing it afterwards because Abby had explained to him *why* people hurt themselves sometimes. He ended up with a habit of hurting himself very quickly, and even got to a point of addiction to hurting himself (that only lasted a week thankfully) where he would carry around a box cutter and just start hurting himself at any time and place if he felt the urge to. He's gotten much better about it thanks to support from his friends, but he still deals with occasional relapses.

The two are sticking together to try and keep the other safe. They both struggle with trusting people but they've grown so comfortable around each other that they can trust one another with almost no issue. That has proven very helpful for their recovery, as they both kinda just needed someone they can genuinely trust. They usually just watch Yipper together when they feel bad, it's their favorite thing to watch together lol... Besides romcom, which is more of Hoagies taste, but Wally still enjoys them because it makes Hoagie happy

#codename kids next door #codename knd #knd #tw abuse #tw self harm #knd vent art #knd angst #2/4 #numbuh 2 #numbuh 4

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plothooksinc · 8 months

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💥 🦋 🔮

For the fanfic ask meme! \o/

I am so disorganised /rummages through this inbox

I like answering things in order but the oldest thing I have is a fic prompt and THAT TAKES A LITTLE LONGER so let me just convince my brain to jump the queue--

💥 What is one canon thing that you wish you could change?

Can we... can we do something about the supposedly Japanese characters in TMNT. Like. Aside from the stereotyping we get, there's a Cho Chang situation going on here where Eastman and Laird pulled names that sounded Japanese to them out of their asses without much thought. Hamato Yoshi can just fly I think (Hamato is an extremely rare surname in Japan but at least it exists), but Saki is primarily a girl's name and uh.

/JUST. STARES AT TANG SHEN.

2k12 made a pass at having her make sense by giving her a Chinese grandfather, but Shen is also primarily a boy's name so /throws hands up in the air

I get it, this was two cartoonists having fun one day and making up ridiculous shit, but the more I stare at these names the more I'm like "could you have just maybe... researched a little...?" Also, lemme just reach out and thwap the '03 writers for referring to Karai as "Miss Saki". /thwap

(I mean, the whole premise is cracked so this is not a dealbreaker but if I could go in at ground level and change something, this would be it. Also as full disclosure, I'm pretty sure I was also guilty of making up Japanese-sounding names in my first fanfic, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

🦋 Which character is your favorite to write?

Leo! In all incarnations but Rise, I think, where he got edged out by Donnie, the theatre kid. (Leo is my absolute fave but when it comes to writing Donnie's just fun. Leo is an extremely close second, though. Can I just say "Disaster Twins" for Rise?)

🔮 Any advice for writers working through burnout or writer’s block?

First, be kind to yourself. Take breaks. If it's burnout, give yourself a week off. If it's writer's block, switch focus and either write something small and unrelated (even if it's completely shit) or write a little bit further on just for fun. If it's depression/executive dysfunction/a complete lack of time, write within your means. Even a paragraph a day is progress. Better some than none at all. Doesn't matter if you come back the next day and throw out that paragraph and start again; you tried. And trying forms a habit and will hopefully get you around those very annoying mental blocks. :/ It worked for me, so hey. That's my advice.

Thank you!

Writer's ask meme here.

#@shadowbends #ask meme

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ageless-aislynn · 1 year

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Okay, so I have a habit of talking out loud to my Halo game while I play. For example, in Halo 3 ODST, “Uplift Rising” there’s a point where one of the marines asks you (Dutch) to do something about the Wraiths and I inevitably say, “Well, pal, I’ll try but they’re probably going to kill me a few times first.” It’s just my thing. 😁

Then I got to thinking that I tend to call many of the characters by some sort of pet/nickname (except for my ODST team, oddly; I just call them by their names 🤷‍♀️). So here, for your reading pleasure (???) are the off-the-cuff things I call other characters in the Halo games:

*SPOILERS FOR ALL GAMES MENTIONED*

Halo: Combat Evolved

Captain Keyes - Dad (He started it by calling me son when he gave me his Magnum so that’s not on me 😇)

Cortana - Babe (She’ll say something like “Keep your head down, there’s two of us in here now, you know!” and I’ll say something back like, “I’m doing my best here, babe!”)

The Flood Infection forms - Cabbages (“Get away from me, you evil little cabbages!” Must be said with ABSOLUTE BLAZING SCORN as well. 😡😂)

All other Flood forms - Bozos (“Get away from me, you buncha Bozos!” Note: that’s referring to the clown, not the guy who started Amazon, a small but distinct difference in spelling. 🤷‍♀️😇)

Halo 2

Sgt Avery Johnson - Boss (He’ll complain that I made him trade his sniper rifle for whatever “lesser” gun I had and I’ll say, “Sorry, boss. Them’s the breaks.”)

The Elites who show up to help the Arbiter - My Good Dudes (They’ll be all “Look, it’s the Arbiter!” and I’ll say, “Thanks for coming, my good dudes! I appreciate it!”)

The Grunts who show up to help the Arbiter - My Good Little Dudes

Rtas ‘Vadum/Shipmaster - Bud (As in ”Good of you to show up, Bud!” or “Well, I’d rather you’d come down the elevator with me since you’re invincible, Bud, but stay here if that’s what you’ve gotta do.”)

Halo: Reach

Carter - Sir (Apparently the only member of Noble Team I respect??? 🤷‍♀️😇 Except I sometimes get a bit of an attitude about it. He’s all “Hurry up and get that AA gun offline, Six!” and I’ll say “I’m literally TRYING, sir. Like, right this second, I’m trying but they’re shooting at me.”)

Kat - Baby (I spend way too much time trying to coax her into getting into a Warthog with me: “Come on, baby, just get in the Warthog and we’ll go destroy the AA gun. It’ll be fun, I promise!!!”)

Jun - Pal (He’ll tell me I assassinated that Elite really nicely and I’ll give him a chipper, “Thanks, pal, that means a lot to me!”)

Emile - Baby Boy (I have no idea why I call him and only him this but I do it the entire game, lol. “Baby boy, I’m just trying to save your life here, trust me!”)

Jorge - I call him by his name but almost always add “I love you” to it. “Jorge, I love you, thanks for taking out that Skirmisher, he was about to shoot my butt off!” Occasionally might give him a “big man” but always with the ILU. Because I freakin’ love Jorge. 🥰

Halo 3

Cortana - Sweetheart (She has a rough go of things in this one so most of the time it’s a very sympathetic sweetheart, unless she interrupts me with a vision and I nearly die because of it. “Sweetheart, I appreciate that you’re hurting but you’re gonna get me killed if you keep doing that!”)

Sgt Avery Johnson - Bro (If you know this game, you know when I was saying, “No, bro, NOOOOOOO...” 😭😭😭 But previously, when he was up on the hill sniping the Flood for me, I kept saying, “Thanks, bro!”)

The Flood Stalker forms - Evil Spiders (Kinda self-explanatory if you’ve ever seen them skittering around. *shudder*)

The Flood Tank forms - TAAAAAAANK!!! (Very helpful to say out loud in order to warn, um, myself that one of them is coming at me. 😳🤷‍♀️)

Master Chief - Since this is, uh, me in all of the games, I usually just say something like “Chief’s coming, hang on!” but in this game, in the Cortana level where you rescue her and she’s all mentally wrecked and tells you she wants to get out of there, I hand-to-God blurted out, “Don’t worry, sweetheart, Big Daddy’s got you!” 😳😳😳 I have no idea where that came from. I just... Yeah. Whatever. Emotions were running high at the time, what can I say? 😳😳😳😇

Annnd that’s all that I can think of at the moment and I think that’s actually plenty, lol! Oh and as you might’ve noticed, I just finished Halo 3. My feelings were a little mixed as I was playing it, GOOD LAWD some of these levels are LONG, but I appreciate it more now that I’m done. I’m going to go back and explore the levels more, have some fun with them, now that I’m not *game on, face* trying to win, you know? 😣😉

Big Daddy, out.

#halo #halo reach #halo 2 #halo 3 #halo 3: odst #master chief #cortana #noble team #i probably shouldn't have admitted that last one #oh well #y'all know i'm weird #lol #ageless aislynn

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northropi · 9 months

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my art's been in a weird place forever because like... ok let's just talk about some stuff

as the name of the sideblog alludes to, i'm colorblind, presumably protanopia (all i know clinically is that i definitely have something but just qualitatively judging how things look vs how things look to me i think it's red-deficiency, so protanopia, the rare kind hooray!!!), and thus coloring is always a pain. i simply don't understand how a lot of that works and so kinda screwed myself in the long run i guess by never advancing past sketches with a lot of my art. my shading is lackluster and even if i had the colors right i lack the inuition for how lighting affects them.

only recently was i presented with the idea that just using patches in a translucent black layer was actually not good, and yeah that explains certain things that felt off, but... how does a linear flat decrease in light availability impact saturation? what? i don't even know whether the tip i heard recommended to make it go up or down and it's all really muddied by the fact that obviously everyone has different techniques like this one person who used bands of higher saturation around the main shading patch and when i HAVE to outsource my VERY PERCEPTION OF COLOR to OTHER PEOPLE that is REALLY CONFUSING.

One thing people say every time it comes up is "oh! art by someone who's got a skewed color perception would be cool actually!" And maybe as a one-off gimmick but for my entire generally sorta realistic/surreal body of work, no, no that'd just have tanks that are pink when they should be grey, that sucks and I'm not doing that.

but THEN come the actual problems with just how i draw. i'm really not in the habit of using guides, changing lineweights... like i recently read the Wikipedia article on Executive Dysfunction between projects at work and got to the part where it said the example of just turning in the rough draft as the final draft and i was like "oh. yeah. i do that." having pen pressure sensitivity is really all i have there because my brain just doesn't want to work that into how i function. perspective can be shaky but hey who's good at it anyways? i feel like i've got a good conception of form in spite of this and that probably is thanks to the fact that i was schooled as an engineer so like, yeah, that's... that's my job.

Part of these habits are certainly to do with my current life situation. I don't have the stability in my life to sit down and perform practice art, or to spend very long periods of time on one piece. I don't have the overall mental fortitude or whatever you'd call it to pick up an unfinished piece the next day after sleeping on it for a while so it's sort of do or die. I don't have the self-awareness in the moment to recognize I'm screwing up and I do not have and cannot afford the patience to slow down and fix things. Maybe there's a day some time soon, but never soon enough, where I'll really be able to dissect it all and come out better, but the prerequisite to that is to basically purchase my own fucking house and regain control of my schedule and space. It must sound like I blame a lot of my failings on that but, holy shit, this place just erodes me.

and then there's the fucking technical stuff. sometimes it really does feel like i'm playing catch-up to where i was on paper, and the fact that i don't know how brushes work, make little effort to optimize my brushes, and have never downloaded brush packs from anyone else (can you just use those? is there a credit thing????) probably really compounds this. making that animation stumped me on several levels because i had all the frames i needed but just couldn't put them together- and once i had them i attempted to change some stuff and it just broke things.

In honesty while I'm getting better at internalizing compliments it's very clear people like me for what I depict rather than my ability to depict it well, and I'm proud of that, but sometimes I start feeling old and like I'm never going to really learn anything from this point and that hurts.

#art #vent

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hazbincalifornia · 1 year

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Just discovered your Mommy Charlie tag and I'm in love! Absolutely adore the mental image of Charlie, 8 or 9 months pregnant and still cheerfully toddling around the Hotel doing her best to Help (tm) the patrons while Vaggie's hovering at her shoulder. Please tell me you have more headcanons/tidbits for pregnant Charlie & her and Vaggie's kid!

Aww, thank you! It's sparser than I thought, but here's a picture of Annie (and a link to my OC page with a bit more info) and some headcanons!

-Charlie handles pregnancy pretty well! She gets her suits tailored a few different times in order to keep her general look the same, but while Stella had to deal with some pretty nasty side-effects at times considering the baby was made partially from Alastor's magic, most of the magic to make Annie came from Charlie already so it didn't react badly to her. She had morning sickness and aches and all that, just not more than an average human would.

-With that being said, her powers did fluctuate at times, especially as more of it was siphoned off to help with the baby. There were also times when she was locked into her 'demon' form, and she preferred to stay in the Hotel at those times- and inside her room as much as possible.

-She had a glow to her while pregnant. Literally, her eyes and skin had a faint shimmer that glowed in the dark.

-Vaggie definitely got fairly protective. The fact that Charlie's magic ebbed at times... she's not bad in physical combat (growing up in Hell means you kind of have to be) but she's not great either, so that combined with the baby belly keeping her off balance meant Vaggie was even more of a shadow watching out for threats than usual.

-Related, both Charlie and Vaggie are somewhat overprotective of Annie when she's little.

-Annie takes more after Vaggie, more dry and sarcastic in general interactions and with a slightly dimmer view of Hell's denizens having grown up there, but it also makes the interactions with the people that aren't the worst all the more special.

-Annie's habit of cracking when she's over-emotional means that the first magic she learns is related to healing both herself and others.

-They knew that Annie was going to be missing an arm from a later ultrasound, so her prosthetic was crafted especially for her and attached a few weeks after she was born. (It's enchanted to grow with her, but she does get replacements now and then, especially after growth spurts.)

-One of Annie's favorite things about living in Hell is talking to people who have experience with historical events. Luckily, while lots of people do spew bullshit, a lot genuinely enjoy chatting about cool things that happened to them when they were alive, so it's a good way to have positive interactions with sinners by focusing all on them.

#mommy charlie #annie #asks #anonymous

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thisaintascenereviews · 3 months

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Beartooth’s The Surface Was The Best Metalcore Album Of 2023

Metalcore, as a genre, has been going through a bit of an identity crisis the last few years, and you can thank a handful of bands for that, such as Sleep Token, Issues, Bad Omens, Bring Me The Horizon, and a few others. That’s not a bad thing, as metalcore has been gone through many phases, eras, and sounds over the last 30 years, but it seems that the genre has started to embrace a more accessible and pop-friendly sound, at least to a degree. I’m all for it, personally, because I want a lot of these bands to be huge, and I also really enjoy a lot of pop music. Depending on who you talk to, they may not like that, because a lot of heavy music fans don’t like pop music, but metalcore has been on the decline for that last decade. Hell, I didn’t listen to it for the longest time, because of how generic and bland it had become (the late 00s and early 2010s gave rise to what became known as “Risecore,” as a lot of bands on Rise Records sounded the same), but bands like Issues came up around the beginning of the 2010s, and they took pop, R&B, alt-metal, nu-metal, and metalcore, ultimately to create something new and exciting. It’s a shame they called it quits, although I can’t blame them, and I already wrote about that, but I can’t help and mention them again here. Since then, other bands have popped up in that vein, and metalcore is becoming a more interesting genre again. It’s also becoming a more accessible genre, thanks to adding pop, R&B, and even some hard-rock elements.

That’s where Beartooth comes into play, and I didn’t purposely mention them earlier for a good reason — their last album, The Surface, was the best metalcore album of 2023, bar none. It was in my top five of last year, too, but it wasn’t higher for a couple of reasons (there were four other albums that I didn’t feel like it surpassed, and it would have been very hard to top those, so that’s not the album’s fault), but in terms of the genre, it was easily my favorite. The Surface was also one of my most played albums, too, because of how catchy and fun it was. I’m getting ahead of myself, however, as knowing who Beartooth is and where they’ve come from is important to understand why this album is so important. Beartooth is the brainchild of Caleb Shomo, who’s known for being a backing vocalist snd keyboardist for Attack Attack in the mid-00s, eventually becoming their lead vocalist. He left the band in 2012 and formed Beartooth, which they’ve put out their fifth album with The Surface, and it’s interesting, because I only got into them through their third album, 2018’d Disease. I enjoyed their first two albums, but they were just generic metalcore with lyrics that were a little too tryhard at being edgy and dark. I understand why they sounded that way now, as Shomo was going through a lot at the time, but 2018’s Disease was where their sound clicked for me.

That was the first album where they got catchier and introduced more hard-rock sounds and ideas, including less screaming and more hooks, something that Shomo was very good at. I didn’t get too much into 2021’s Below, but I’ve listened to it a few times and I enjoy it, although it just felt like they went back into old habits. A lot of fans seemed to really like it, because it was heavier, and I agree it was, but I was curious about their newest singles, “Riptide,” and “Sunshine,” which had a couple of things going for them, include very uplifting lyrics, as well as a very pop-friendly sound. The former of which didn’t have any screaming at all, only boasting one of their best choruses. The latter was heavier, having a really cool loud-quiet dynamic on the verses and choruses, and I was excited for The Surface. It ended up being worth the wait, too, because The Surface, as I said, is the best metalcore album of 2023. It’s their catchiest, most accessible, and most fun album. The lyrics are more positive, as Shomo was in a better place mentally, and wanted the lyrics to reflect that, so this album feels very joyous and celebratory a lot of the time, but its sound is the best part of it.

This album is what I would call a “gateway album,” and these are the most important kinds of albums. Not always the best albums, but these albums are good because they’re a gateway for people who want to get into heavier kinds of music. Other bands or albums that come to mind for good examples of gateway albums would be Linkin Park’s first couple of albums, or Metallica’s 1991 Black Album, but there are tons more. This is another one, I think, they have a sound that can appeal to a lot of different people, whether you love heavy music but also love hooks (that’s where I fall), you don’t really like music with screaming, or super heavy, but you want something “heavier,” or you’re into hard-rock / rock, and want somewhere to start when it comes to metal or heavier music, this is perfect. This has some harsh vocals, breakdowns, and heavier stuff, but it’s insanely catchy. I could see the argument that fans can make about this band possibly “selling out,” but let’s honest — do you want your favorite bands making the same albums forever, or do you want them to progress and mature, even if that means changing their sound? I’m all for that, especially when it’s like this. This is their best album, at least to me, and it’s an album that I think will go down as a metalcore classic in the future. This is the album could make Beartooth a household name in the rock scene, and I hope it does, because Caleb Shomo is the best metalcore frontman currently. There’s no questions about it, and The Surface is a great example of why.

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