#for their involvement and how thwy played a factor and part in the advancement of science and knowledge

[martyrbat]

forming parosocial relationships with the people in the medical book </3

#okay so. #its from 1917 and very dated but its so fascinating hearing the theories and practices #and then it having photographs and illustrations based on the writers experiences and exposure to different cases #and i got a little habit forming of just... mentally thanking them #like a subconscious 'thank u my friend' #for their involvement and how thwy played a factor and part in the advancement of science and knowledge #like even if its just a fraction of a sand grain in the vast dessert. its a fraction that influences all around it. #like !!! thats all lives ! long gone ! but it was actual lives that were here and played a factor and influence ! #i hope they knew theyll be remembered even if i will never know their names and story. they were important than important now #<- this is all said from someone who would sneak out at 13 and walk to the nearest graveyard to talk to the forgotten tombstones #because i was terrified at the idea that ghosts can exist/some consciousness and theyd feel lonely or forgotten #everyone deserves a friend u know? leave some flowers to a stranger. tell another u hope theyre at peace and are well. say hello & goodbye #its 10 pm. still tired. still constantly in love with humans and strangers and friends and eventually the mirror #i want to take everybody by the shoulders and shake them as i yell that i love them #alive or dead. the dead that feel alive. the live that feel dead just !! #i love you ! i love you ! i love you ! i know you and i love you ! youre a stranger and i love you !!! #these tags are all over the place #and doesnt make sense but ur all used to it by this point #im gonna read and get a shower and tuck myself into bed. remind myself i love myself too even if i dont rly believe it (yet) #crypt callings #probably delete later #depends how embarrassed i am on this word dump and oversharing hehdh