Tumgik
#about half of these shots are from this year
lqveharrington · 2 days
Text
Take A Break | V.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
summary: it’s your daughter’s birthday, but Vox isn’t able to spare anytime for her.
pairing: Vox x Overlord!reader
includes: Vox has a normal head guys, fluff, HEAVY angst, family issues, arguing, mentions of sex tapes, Valentino being a weird ass uncle, over protective parents, cursing, mentions of murder (i think that’s it, tell me if i missed any!)
a/n: honestly, this request made me think of hamilton the musical, hence the title of the one-shot. 🤷‍♀️ (also full credits to the artist on X!)
Tumblr media
As an Overlord in Hell, your life was somewhat easier than normal sinners. You had their souls under your belt for your own use and powers that only those ranked attained. You attended boring meetings with the other Overlords, but you didn’t think you would meet your other half during these meetings, nonetheless, marry him. As a result of the marriage, both your powers grew stronger, along with the power of his company since a new face joined.
Down the line, you somehow ended up pregnant. Was it highly impossible to have a child as a sinner? Absolutely. So the thought that you were to bear Vox’s child in Hell panicked you. However, he talked you through the entire process, ending with a healthy baby girl. She looked exactly like her father, except for the eyes. Her eyes resembled her mother’s in every shape and form.
Despite the phenomenon, you both cared for her. Well, mostly. You were the one staying in your penthouse in the Vee tower while Vox tended to his company’s needs. He worked endlessly and missed important events such as your daughter’s first steps, words, and laughter. You supposed he tried his best as he came back to you with gifts and kisses, but it never felt… right.
When your daughter’s thirteenth birthday came up, you expected him to stay home because it was a special birthday. It seemed like thirteen was your little family’s lucky number, so you thought it was an important event in his life for his only child to turn thirteen. Moreover, she finally became a teenager, which Vox deemed was old enough for him to take her out to watch the stars when she was younger.
“Happy Birthday, Vee.” You take your fingers through her black and red hair, kissing her temple. She smiled brightly up at you, pearly whites on display. “I know you’re excited, but you still have lessons to attend to.”
“I know.” She groaned, eyes flashing red for a second before settling. “Is Dad still up there?”
Your loving gaze faltered at the mention of her father, passing her the chocolate chip pancakes you made. “He’s at work already, baby. I’m sure he has something prepared for you when you get home.” You press another kiss to her head as you pull your phone out, squinting at the message Vox sent.
“Is it Dad?” Veronica murmured, twisting the fork in between her fingers.
“Don’t worry about it, yeah? It’s your birthday.” You slide your phone inside your pocket. “I’ll see you after your lessons?”
She hummed softly as you frowned, rubbing your temple. This was an important day for your daughter, and if Vox couldn’t remember the promise he made to her years ago, you weren’t prepared for the breakdown that was going to come from your new teenage daughter.
“Vox?” You enter his monitor room, blue light glasses steady on your face.
“My love?” He called back, eyes focusing on the rising and falling stocks in the industry. “What’s wrong?”
You ran your fingers through his hair, massaging when he pulled you down into his lap. You pressed a kiss to his jaw when he glared at the screen, “Do you know what day it is?”
“Uh,” He glanced back at you before muttering a curse at the stocks, aggressively typing something out on his computer. “Tax day?”
You let out a sigh, “Love, it’s Veronica’s birthday.” You tilt your head when you don't get a response. “Vox.”
“What?” He whipped his head toward you, his blue eyes swirling black and red. You steady the glasses on your face, frowning at his tone. His eyes scan your face before rubbing his forehead, “Darling, I’m sorry. But I’m really busy today. All of our shareholders decided to be assholes today and Carmilla wants a meeting about Angelic Security.”
You cup his face and press a soft kiss to his lips, “I know, I got your text message about a twelve-hour workday.” Your gaze flickered over toward the frame displayed on his desk, “But it’s our baby’s thirteenth birthday. She was looking for her dad earlier, and she didn’t—“
His phone rang out into the intensely large monitor room, causing you to look back over to him. “Look, I’ll see if I can get out of the meeting and schedule it another day. I’ll be back before the day’s over.”
“Do you promise?” You lift your pinky, the blue and red chain appearing from your wedding band connecting to his.
He lifted his pinky, locking it with yours. “I promise, gorgeous.” His phone rang out again as you leaned in to give him a kiss, raising a brow at the device. Vox chuckled at your reaction, rubbing his thumb over your lip. “I love you, but I have people to yell at, so kindly leave.” He tapped your thigh before answering his phone.
You pressed one last kiss to his cheek before stepping away from him, humming a tune while he yelled at whoever was on the other line. The link of chains connecting the two wedding bands never meant a deal was brought up, it merely signified the marriage. However, that promise meant more than just canceling a meeting and heading back home. It meant actually showing up for his daughter, saying that he didn’t forget about his promise from years ago.
“Hi, baby.” You kiss Veronica’s temple as she passes the kitchen with bags in her arms. “What’s all that?”
“Uncle Val and Aunt Velvette gave me presents.” She grinned, shoving them down on the kitchen counter.
You raise a brow at the size difference of the gifts, “And what did Aunt Vel get you?”
“She got me every single new item on her new line before she drops it.” She pulled out a t-shirt that you thought was inappropriate for a girl her age. Neatly folding it, she pulled out another article of clothing, a short skirt that would have you and Vox murdering people left and right.
“Right…” You gently take away the clothes and set them to the side, nodding your head toward the box. “What did Uncle Val get you?”
“He told me to give you this before opening the gift.” She handed you a card decorated with intricate details.
You unfold the card, eyes widening at the contents. “Can I take the movies Uncle Val gave you? I don’t think they’re for you, baby.”
“Wait what? Why not?”
“Because it’s not… don’t worry about it.” You snap your fingers, sending the box of movies to your shared bedroom with Vox. Your face was flushed from Valentino handing your daughter physical copies of the videos that were personal to you and Vox. It would have been chaos if you watched the videos together with no warning. “Never mind about that, how were your lessons?”
“Boring as usual.” She rested her head on her hand, blowing a strand of hair out of her face. “Did you talk to dad?”
“Yes,” You set down the dinner you were preparing, wiping your hands on a hand towel. “He’ll be back soon. He had… stuff to do.” You waved your hand in the air, face contorting in tension. “Can you set up the dining table for dinner? I’ll call your dad to see where he is.”
Veronica groaned before begrudgingly moving away, grabbing the plates and utensils. You watched her leave before leaning your arms against the counter, head tilting down in exhaustion. Not only were you running around the tower checking in on your business, but you also prepared the gifts for your daughter while checking in on your husband’s vitals once in a while. Everything was rushed and disorganized, and the only thing your daughter wanted was for her father to be there for her birthday and fulfill his promise.
“Fuck.” You quickly wipe the tear slipping down your face, pulling out your phone. Clicking on Vox’s contact, you rub the ring on your finger, anxiously waiting for an answer.
“Yes?” His voice came through your phone, more agitated than usual.
“Vox, can you take a break and come up to us?” You start pacing, not realizing your daughter was behind the wall listening to you.
He muttered something as you heard the clicking of his keyboard through your speaker, “I’ll be there in a minute, can you save me a plate?”
“Vox, can you just—“ You run your hand through your hair as your eyes flash red, the same red consuming the items surrounding you. “I understand you’re busy, but your daughter hasn’t seen you all day.”
“Gorgeous, I heard you, but I have a very important deal I need to finish making then I’m all yours, okay?” He spoke with impatience, sighing when he heard silence from your end. “In a minute.”
“Fine.” You roll your eyes and end the call, dropping your phone onto the counter. You blink a few times to get rid of the red, everything around you falling back to its original placement.
“Mom, we can just celebrate with the two of us.” Veronica came around the doorway, fiddling with her fingers. “If dad is busy, I don’t want to—“
“Baby, it’s your birthday.” You push your hair back and pull a strained smile. The look you gave your daughter was almost dangerous, reverting back to your Overlord setting. “If your dad doesn’t show up before the day is over, I will physically go down to his office and remove him from this Hell.”
Her eyes widened at your words, “Mom—“
“Let’s go eat dinner, yes?” You leave a kiss on the top of her head.
Eventually, Vox did appear, but only for a few minutes before his phone began to ring again. He sighed, pressing his lips in a thin line, and got up, squeezing your shoulder and giving his daughter an apologetic look. The worst part about meeting his daughter’s eyes was the similar feeling of knowing how she felt.
Veronica projected a recognizable emotion through her eyes, something he could tell from miles away because it was the exact same look you gave him when it was just the two of you.
Disappointment.
“Vox, what the hell are you still doing here?” Valentino entered the monitor room, pink smoke billowing from his cigarette.
“Better question, what the fuck were you going to do in here?” Vox rolled his neck as he filed another claim against older companies.
Valentino chuckled, “Don’t worry about that… If I were you, I would be worried about your daughter. Velvette and I already sang Happy Birthday to your precious girl over cake. I'm sure she would have been happier if her daddy was there.”
Vox slouched in his chair, “Val, I’m almost done with these files then I’ll head up.”
“Oh, I would be careful.” He blew pink smoke across Vox’s face. “Your wife has her Overlord filter on tonight. It’s worse than before.”
“What do you mean?” Vox submitted the file to the HR department, taking his blazer and tossing it across his shoulder.
“She’s going to murder you, Voxy.” He bared his teeth at him. “You have a lot to make up tonight.”
Vox squinted his eyes at the moth before sighing, “Get the fuck out of my room or I’m having my wife come and murder you herself instead of me.”
“Scary.” Valentino grinned maliciously before leaving, a trail of pink smoke following.
Oh, Vox knew how much shit he was in when he returned home. After all, it was already 11:26 PM and he doubted that neither you nor Veronica were still awake. He teleported into the kitchen, setting the blazer on top of the counter before following the noise to the living area. He caught a movie on the television screen as he approached the couch, gaze softening at the sight. You were holding Veronica in your arms as she slept sprawled along the couch.
He caught your gaze a few seconds later, watching your tired eyes harden. “Do you know what time it is?”
“I know, but a lot was happening downstairs with VoxTek and—“
“You couldn’t hold that off for one day?” You whisper-shout in his direction as your daughter shifts around. “Vee was waiting all day for you to take her to see the constellations of Hell, and you broke it, Vox! I don’t understand how you could just leave her with a broken promise—“
“Gorgeous, it’s not the end of the day. I can still make it up to her.”
“And what? Wake her up from the day she’s had? Vox, she’s been waiting for this moment since she was five, and you couldn’t spare one second?” You feel your eyes flare red before realizing what's going on. Vox knew you had to calm down, and typically he would help, but it was clear you wanted nothing to do with him just yet. “You didn’t even say happy birthday this morning because you already left for work.” You carefully adjust Veronica in your arms, glaring at your husband. “I understand that the company is important for our image, but destroying a relationship with your own daughter for the company is never something you should do.”
Slowly, you carry your daughter in your arms, using some of your wisps to help carry her. Vox reaches out to help but you deny him, causing him to purse his lips. “Seriously?”
“I’m dead serious.” You crease your brows. “If you can’t understand how fucking important it is for our daughter to have both her parents present during important days, I promise you that I will make your life worse than living in Hell.” As you ascend the stairs leading up to Veronica’s room, you feel the burn of his stare hitting you. “And for the sake of your mental and physical health, please take a break from work. Your vitals have been dropping.”
The life you held in Hell seemed easier to those outside of the Tower, but the three of you knew that there was never a moment in time where you could be free of the constraints you were given, not allowing a single break of freedom or contentment.
Tumblr media
©lqveharrington - all rights reserved. do not copy, translate or share my work on other media platforms
178 notes · View notes
dandelion-roots · 1 day
Text
Tumblr media
[ID: a digital drawing of Riz Gukgak from D20 fantasy high from the waist up. He looks like he's holding onto sanity by a thread and is covered in blood as he attempts to sew a finger back onto Biz's hand and says, ha ha, oopsie! End ID]
Damn man being 14 sure is tough... It's all just pimples this, brutally shooting off a classmate's fingers before figuring out he wasn't the mastermind and then immediately regretting it that...
26 notes · View notes
Text
Red Wine
Red Wine
Master List <3 Request List <3 Marauders Master List <3
Remus Lupin x Reader
A/n: I lowkey hate this but it was inspired by the image of Sirius Black loving tequila and me thinking that all the muggle born students watching the others get drunk without it touching them was hilarious. This is based in their 7th year.
Summary: Muggle drinks and muggle drinking games.
Warnings: Drinking, mentions of underaged drinking, swearing, kissing, jealousy, fake ID
Word Count: 2232
Tumblr media
(NOT MY GIF)
"Psst! Y/n! Over here!"
I spun my head around to see Christopher Adam's waving me over from the corner of the room, pointing enthusiastically at the plastic bag in his hands.
I smiled back at him and nodded enthusiastically.
"I'll be back now." I said to Sirius, who was spinning me around to the ABBA song playing before Chris had interrupted us.
"What does he want?" He asked with a quirked eyebrow "You got a new boyfriend or something?" He laughed slightly as I rolled my eyes and just walked away from him.
Me and some of the other muggle born students were starting to find these Gryffindor parties boring after the summer.
After partying at home with muggle drinks the classic fire whisky and witches brew just wasn't doing anything for us anymore, as funny as it was watching the pure and half bloods get extremely drunk so fast there's only so many parties you can do sober.
Hence Christopher.
A small group of us had gathered our money together and convinced Chris to use one of his approved trips to visit home to stop by a muggle store and complete a shopping list.
It took us a week to make him a fake ID good enough for him to pass as eighteen.
"So? How'd it go?" I asked, smiling brightly at him as I took the bag out of his hands.
"No hassle with the ID, although I did have to go to four stores so I didn't look suspicious buying this much alcohol for everyone." He rolled his eyes with a laugh.
"You're a lifesaver, we all owe you big time. Thank you!"
He just waved me off and I happily ran back over to the boys with the bag in my arms.
They were all giving the an identical look of speculation as I approached.
"What have you done?" James asked, trying to grab the bag off me before I pulled back.
"Why do you assume such little from me! I've gotten you all presents. Muggle presents actually."
Sirius perked up at that, excitedly shaking Remus's shoulders. Causing him to lean the other way with a smile.
"I'm about to show you all how muggles drink, because fire whisky is nothing in comparison. I've got fuck loads of things to share but I tried to get each of you something I thought you'd like."
"So it's alcohol?" Peter asked, now it was him having to push an excited Sirius away.
"Yep! For you Peter, gin. We don't have any tonic so drink it with lemonade, I think you'll like it though." He smiled widely as I handed him the rounded bottle, quickly opening it to smell it.
"It smells nice?"
"Yeah not all alcohol needs to smell like straight ass." I laughed nodding to the fire whisky in his other hand.
"James I've got you some muggle beers. I genuinely think this will change your life." I said with a laugh, handing him over the six pack as he looked at it bewildered.
"Like butter beer?"
"Kinda? Just a lot less sweet."
He nodded with a smile and popped the top of the bottle off, his smile growing as he tasted it.
"This is alcoholic?"
I laughed at him and turned to Sirius who looked like he was about to explode if I didn't show him what else was in the bag.
"Sirius I got you some tequila. There's some lime and salt on the table over there, you'll want them to take a shot. Lily will show you, she's been looking forward to it all night."
He took the bottle off me with a smirk before quickly hugging me from behind, placing an exaggerated kiss on the side of my face before running off.
"Thank you!"
I laughed at him, and watched James follow after him after a mention of Lily, Peter as always followed behind James.
"I hope you got yourself something, you're way too generous."
Remus said, sitting up on the table next to me with a soft smile.
"Oh don't worry I did." I reached to pull the large bottle from the bag "Some good old fashioned vodka for me."
He laughed at me and sniffed the bottle I held out in front of him, recoiling back.
"It smells horrible." He said with a laugh.
"That's how you know it's strong." I replied, coughing hard as I took a sip from the bottle. "I should probably mix it with some coke."
He laughed at me for a minute, nodding "Yeah, probably a good idea. I'll go get you some."
I placed an arm in front of him as he went to move to stop him.
"Not so quick Lupin, didn't think I'd forget you did I?"
"You didn't have to get me anything." A small blush covered his cheeks, reassuring me that I made the right call with getting him something.
"That's why you're my favourite."
"Wow I always thought Sirius was your favourite." He replied with a chuckle.
"Yeah well don't tell him, it would crush him."
He continued to laugh as I pulled the bottle of red wine out of my bag, passing it over to him.
"I think you'll like it, not as strong as the others but you'll enjoy it."
He looked over the bottle inquisitively.
"Thank you, I'll go pour myself a glass and grab you that coke." He smiled warmly at me, squeezing my knee as he got up.
My eyes followed him across the room, I smiled as I watched him interact with an already drunk Sirius who was shouting about the impressive feat of muggle alcohol.
"You're drooling." Mary said from behind me, causing me to jump and hit her in the arm.
"Shut up."
~~~~~
"So you've all been enjoying the muggle drinks, how about a muggle game to go with it!" Marls shouted from the middle of the room, clearly drunk.
A large group slowly made their way into a circle on the floor as Marls enthusiastically went around the room trying to gather a large enough group.
Remus groaned as I pulled him off the wall he was leaning on and led him towards the floor, an obvious smile on his face.
"Ok so you spin the bottle." She giggled while placing one of James's now empty beer bottles into the middle of the group. "You and whoever it lands on go into the broom cupboard for seven minutes. What happens is there is up to you." She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively whilst laughing as the game began.
As the circle slowly made its way around I found myself hunched over onto Remus in a fit of laughter at Sirius and Peters faces as they came out of the cupboard looking very unamused.
As the group calmed down Sirius took his seat back next to me in the circle and most eyes moved towards me.
I giggled awkwardly before leaning forward and spinning the bottle as hard as I could.
As I lent back and watched it spin I silently prayed that it would land on the boy sat next to me who seemed to be avoiding my eye contact as everyone made a drum roll sound around us.
Much to my dismay instead of landing on Remus the bottle instead pointed towards the one and only James Potter whose face went bright red.
I laughed softly and stood up, watching him as he followed. The room whistling as we made our way into the small space.
If it wasn't gonna land on Remus James would've probably been my second choice, he was to in love with Lily to ever make a move on someone else. And I felt the same way about our best friend.
"So this isn't awkward." I joked with a smile.
He just half way laughed in response.
"Everything okay?" I asked, my eyes adjusting in the dark to make out his figure.
"Yeah it's stupid, Lily's just been avoiding me all night. I know I make a fool of myself for her but sometimes I just wish that she would just look at me." He sighed, leaning against the wall.
"Maybe she is and you're just not seeing?"
"Trust me, I'd see." He sadly laughed and I patted his shoulder comfortingly before getting an idea.
"I've got a way that would get her to look at you."
He turned to look at me with what I guessed was a confused expression.
I reached up to unbutton the first two buttons of his shirt.
"Whoa Y/n what are you doing?"
I laughed slighting at him, shaking my head.
"No I'm not doing that, trust me."
I reached up to ruffle my hand through his hair to make it messier, then moving to untuck one side of his shirt.
"Yeah she'll look at me if I look like shit. Is that the plan?" He laughed slightly and I softly hit him with the back of my hand.
I messed my own hair up as well, also shifting my clothes so they were slightly askew.
"Jealousy is the plan James."
It seemed to click with him then and despite the dark I could see the red blush on his face.
"You really think that'll work?"
"I hate to say it but if one thing will make her notice you, it's thinking that you might've noticed someone else. I'm also really drunk so this might be a bad plan."
He laughed at me, covering his mouth to try and stay quieter.
"I'm drunk enough to give it a go." He responded with a smile.
"Last touch." I reached up to move his glasses to sit crooked on his face with a laugh.
"There, perfect. Let's get you your lady."
As I spoke there was a knock at the door, and a second later Sirius Black swung them open.
"Merlin! Didn't see that happening." He said with a laugh, looking between us in disbelief "I always thought you were into Moony Y/n."
James punched him softly in the arm, shaking his head and I just walked past silently, trying to shake the blush off of my face and hoping everyone was just ignoring the obviously drunk pure blood.
I made my way back over to the circle but before I could sit back down Remus had already stood from his spot next to me and walked out of the common room with his bottle of wine.
~~~~~
I'd been wandering the castle grounds looking for Remus for the last thirty minutes.
The party had died down and everyone was so drunk most of them had passed out by now.
I was buzzed enough that the cold wasn't bothering me but I couldn't for the life of me figure out where Remus would've gone.
I sat on the floor against the railing as I finally got to the top of the astronomy tower, the vodka and the amount of stairs I just climbed had knocked the wind out of me.
"Y/n?"
A familiar voice said from next to me, making me jump.
"Jesus, I've been looking for you." I smiled at him but he only held my eye contact for a second before looking back out to the night sky.
"You disappeared, it got boring without you."
He laughed slightly and shook his head, his cheeks turning a shade of pink.
"I'm sure it was fine without me. You and James sure didn't look bored." He chuckled awkwardly making me quirk an eyebrow at him.
"What? Me and James?"
He just nodded, avoiding my eyes.
"James definitely isn't bored, Lily's been all over him all night." I laughed softly and he just looked at me inquisitively.
"Aren't you upset by that?"
"Upset? Why would I be upset? Honestly I think it's a miracle."
He laughed slightly at that and finally looked back over to me.
"But you and James were snogging each other? Was that just a joke or something?"
I just looked at him confused for a second before breaking out into giggles.
"Oh you didn't actually think we did that? Gross no! I just thought that it would make Lily jealous. It worked by the way."
He seemed to think for a second before a small smile finally made its way onto his face.
"Oh, so you didn't actually kiss him?"
I snorted, covering my face quickly in embarrassment.
"No no, I just messed up his hair and unbuttoned his shirt a little. He's not my type."
Remus laughed quietly at that, relaxing a little.
"Good."
I nudged him lightly with my elbow, sliding over to sit next to him, bumping our knees together.
"Careful Lupin it almost feels like you're jealous."
He just looked at me for a second, a little smile on his face as he moved to stand up, offering me his hand.
"Maybe I was." He chuckled softly and pulled me to my feet as I just looked at him dazed.
"C'mon I'll walk you back to your dorm." He threaded our fingers together and went to walk but I didn't move.
"I wanted the bottle to land on you, for the record."
We both stood there for a second, just looking at each other before he grabbed my chin softly and lent down.
I never really liked the taste of red wine until that night.
76 notes · View notes
scoonsalicious · 20 hours
Text
Tumblr media
Unwanted: Chapter 30, Epilogue - Pt. 1
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Fem!Reader
Summary: When your FWB relationship with your best friend Bucky Barnes turns into something more, you couldn’t be happier. That is, however, until a new Avenger sets her sights on your super soldier and he inadvertently breaks your heart. You take on a mission you might not be prepared for to put some distance between the two of you and open yourself up to past traumas. Too bad the only one who can help you heal is the one person you can no longer trust.
Warnings: (For this part only; see Story Masterlist for general Warnings) Language,
Word Count: 634
Previously On...: You and Bucky are probably going to be okay.
A/N: IT'S OUT EARLY!
Tumblr media
This is it! The last chapter! OMG!
NOTE! The tag list is a fickle bitch, so I'm not really going to be dealing with it anymore. If you want to be notified when new story parts drop, please follow @scoonsaliciousupdates
Banner By: The absolutely amazing @mrsbuckybarnes1917!
Thank you to all those who have been reading; if you like what you've read, likes, comments, and reblogs give me life, and I truly appreciate them, and you!
Taglist: (Sadly, tag list is closed; Tumblr will not let me add anyone new. If you want to be notified when I update, please Follow me for Notifications!) @jmeelee @cazellen @mrsbuckybarnes1917 @blackhawkfanatic @buckybarnessimpp @hayjat @capswife @itsteambarnes @marygoddessofmischief @sebastians-love @learisa @lethallyprotected @rabbitrabbit12321 @buckybarnesandmarvel @fanfictiongirl77 @calwitch @fantasyfootballchampion @selella @jackiehollanderr @wintercrows @sashaisready @missvelvetsstuff @angelbabyyy99 @keylimebeag @maybefoxysouls @vicmc624 @j23r23 @wintercrows @crist1216 @cjand10 @pattiemac1@les-sel @dottirose @winterslove1917 @harperkenobi @ivet4 @casey1-2007 @mrsevans90 @steeph-aniie @bean-bean2000 @beanbagbitch @peachiestevie @wintrsoldrluvr @shadowzena43
Tumblr will not let me directly tag the following: @marcswife21 @erelierraceala @jupiter-107 @doublejeon @hiqhkey @unaxv @brookeleclerc
10 Months Later
“I refuse to accept this.”
“Well, unfortunately, Boss, it’s my decision to make, not yours,” you told Tony as you finished stacking up the last of your moving boxes. Sixteen years– almost half of your life, now condensed into neat stacks of cardboard, waiting to be loaded into the van that was waiting downstairs.
“What the hell am I supposed to do without you?” Tony asked, dramatically flinging himself on your now bare mattress. “How am I supposed to survive?”
You rolled your eyes at him. “It’s not like you won’t see me every fucking day, dude,” you admonished him. “I still work here, for fucks’ sake. Besides, you refused to let your realtor show me any place you couldn’t see from your terrace.”
“I thought it would be nice if we could wave to each other during breakfast,” he said, his face drawn into a pout now, “that’s all.”
You sat down next to him and put a gentle hand on his shoulder. “It’s time to cut the umbilical cord, Tony,” you said. 
“But you’re still such a kiddo, Kiddo,” he sighed.
“I meant your umbilical cord, Boss,” you laughed. “And who knows? Maybe I’ll try it for a year or two, figure out I absolutely hate it, and come crawling back, begging for my old room.”
“Don’t press your luck,” Tony said, sitting back up. “I’ll probably turn it into a sauna, or an indoor golf simulator as soon as you walk out that door.”
“Ah, there’s the Tony I know and tolerate,” you said with a smile.
“I’m just going to miss having you around,” he said, his voice now laced with sadness. “Sixteen years together– probably the longest stable relationship I’ve ever had. It’s not going to be the same around here without you.”
“I know,” you sighed. “I’m going to miss you, too. But you know I need this. After everything that happened last year with Carthage, and Barnes… me spiraling, losing a baby I didn’t even know about, getting shot, and the… complications; all that shit with Steve. I just think I need a fresh start, some place where I’m not reminded of her every time I walk around a corner. It’s the only way I’m going to truly heal.”
“I told you I’d move you to another floor. Hell, I’ll tear down the entire Tower and start from scratch. We can build a whole new compound Upstate or something. You’d never have to set foot in this hallway again,” he said. And you knew he was telling the truth– there was little Tony wouldn’t do to ensure you were comfortable in your old home, but you couldn’t rely on him forever.
“You’ve saved me so many times already, Boss,” you said, looking back at him fondly, “and you know I’m always going to be thankful for that. But it’s time I started working on saving myself.”
“Well, when you make it sound all empowering and shit,” he began, “I start to feel like a dick for protesting.”
You laughed as your phone beeped. Looking at the message, you told him: “Movers are on the way up. I guess this is really it.” You both stood and embraced, Tony leaning down to speak softly in your ear.
“You know you always have a home here, Kiddo,” he said. “Whenever you need it. Even if it’s just for a night, or if you decide you want to come back for good. Door’s always open.”
“And even if it’s not,” you said as the two of you broke away from one another, “I can always hack the system to break myself in.”
“I’ll have you arrested for trespassing.”
“You think Mr. Mitchell’s still practicing law?” you asked with a grin. “I can definitely afford to have him represent me, now.”
<- Previous Chapter / Next Part ->
72 notes · View notes
pumpkinbxtch · 2 days
Note
Hii, can you do a Leo Valdez x Reader one-shot about the reader getting deaf or half-deaf? Like when he discovers, or even hcs😭. I'm asking this because I got half-deaf last year and there's ZERO content about that with pjo characters. It's okay if you don't want to do it or feel uncomfortable❤️❤️❤️
ᝰ.ᐟ leo valdez x half-deaf!reader headcanons
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
☆ radiostar is playin': on melancholy hill by gorillaz
warnings: none!
a/n: hi! i read your two posts and saw that you finally leaned towards headcanons. don't worry, it's okay, baby. Anyway! i have some experience in this because i had a classmate who was also half-deaf so here we go. If i make any mistakes, please let me know, okay? thank you for putting your trust in me. i hope you are very well.
— kisses from the hypothetical planet vulcan. 🧡
∘⁠˚⁠˳⁠°
he was like boom in love and love pushes you to do things you never thought of doing, right?
At first, he's scared of messing things up with you, as if him being clumsy in love wasn't enough. He didn't want to offend you in any way, so he practically searched every corner of the library. You got him to read! And this fool never reads because it's hard for him, but there he was, researching about the topic.
He's definitely the type who always tries to help because he knows it can be tough sometimes, so when you have to go out in public, he makes sure to hold your hand tightly and NEVER let go.
He always positions himself on the good ear side so you can hear him better, and he gets even closer to you if there's too much noise around.
When he arrives somewhere and you don't see him immediately, he tries to make it noticeable that someone else has arrived, so he doesn't startle you.
But this guy is sometimes a teaser, and when you both reach that level of trust, he'll say things from afar knowing you won't hear well, but only because what he's saying is embarrassing
"I love you, I'm going to marry you, and I'm warning you from now on," he says from the entrance, and you deal with just seeing his lips move and hearing halfway.
You squint and shout, "What?!" and he laughs, so you show him the middle finger. "Idiot, you know I can't hear you."
Leo rushes towards you, and after giving you a kiss on the cheek, he whispers gently in your ear: "i'm sayin that one day your last name will be Valdez," and well, you end up as red as the forges he works in.
If you're the one who enters while he's working in the bunker or wherever he is, he immediately puts down the tools and gives you his full attention. This is also because he wants to make sure there are no loud noises when you're around. Sometimes you tell him it's not necessary for him to stop, but he does it anyway.
Although, if you insist, he'll look for the ear protectors he bought/made for you and ask you to wear them because he wants to keep you safe. Both of you might be wearing them, and even though he's working with dangerous, heavy materials, he can't help but steal glances with that loving gaze of his. Because oh gods, he fell so hard for you.
Even when both are alone, to talk to you, he gets close to the point where your foreheads are touching and gazes fixed on each other. You tell him he can back off a bit, and he shakes his head while giving you a kiss on the nose. "I know, but I still want to be close to you."
When there's not much noise on the street that could be dangerous, he chooses to walk with you arm in arm, continuing to tell you things and talk nonsense that makes you laugh.
Leo doesn't like going to hospitals much, but if he has to accompany you to your regular check-ups, he will, or he'll tell you that Will Solace is a very good doctor.
He whispers sweet nothings in your ear every night, to let you know he loves you.
Here comes a huge confession from Leo Valdez, he's definitely working on a device that could help you. With the help of the Apollo cabin, he thinks he could pull it off, and he's just refining it every day to improve your life because he simply wants the best for you. Even if he ultimately has to scrap it, he'll look for other types of gadgets he can create to help you.
Although he knows you can manage, Leo feels good and proud to be able to help the person he loves. You're the one who made him explore that part of himself where he looks out for your emotional and physical well-being.
62 notes · View notes
bullet-prooflove · 1 day
Text
Coy: Dean Archer x Reader
Tumblr media
Tagging: @kmc1989 @helsinkibaby @hufflepuffgirl @mimi-8793
Releasing early as a birthday gift to my babe @mandy426
Tumblr media
Dean found out his wife was cheating on him when he discovered he had syphilis during a routine medical check. He tells you that after you've been trapped in an elevator together for over three hours. He’d exhausted all of the small talk options after the first two so now the you’re digging into the real stuff, the stuff you don’t even tell your best friend because you’re terrified they’ll murder someone on your behalf.
You’d already disclosed how you found your husband fucking another woman on a sheepskin rug in the cabin you owned together. So it was his turn and well that’s apparently that’s the secret he chose to disclose.
“It’s gone now though right?” You say gesturing towards the lower half of his scrubs and he gives you an offended look. “You’re not just walking around sowing your wild oats…”
“One, that would be horribly irresponsible if I didn’t get treated and secondly I do not ‘sow my wild oats’.” He says making bunny ears with his fingers.
“I just assumed, an intelligent, attractive man like yourself would have a busy social calendar.” You say, tucking a stray strand of hair back behind your ear.
“Yea, Netflix and medical journals.” He responds before backtracking. “Wait you think I’m attractive?”
“Dean, don’t be coy.” You say, kicking him lightly in the knee with your shoe.
“I’m not.” He tells you, his cheeks colouring as he tilts his head back towards the ceiling and closes his eyes. “I can’t remember the last time someone told me they found me attractive. It’s usually grumpy, egotistical…”
He laughs before he tips his head towards you, his eyes meeting yours.
“I’m not selling myself am I?”
“Do you feel like you need to?” You ask him and he frowns before he shakes his head.
“No I…” He trails off before he looks at you a little differently. “I’ve never felt like that with you, it doesn’t feel like trying. Hell I’ve just told you I’ve had syphilis so I think we can discern I feel pretty damn comfortable around you.”
“Yea.” You say with a sigh, tucking your hands into your pockets. “Comfortable.”
“I’ve said something wrong.” He says quietly. “I didn’t mean…”
“No.” You say softly, shrugging your shoulders. “It’s just, I’m not the girl that gets the guy. I’m the weird one that cuts up bodies in the morgue.”
“You do a valuable job, we learn things from that, people get closure.” You give him a look and he realises he’s doing it again, saying the wrong thing. “I’m not explaining myself well.”
“No you are.” You say with a smile that doesn’t meet your eyes. “I understand perfectly.”
Silence falls between the two of you and now it’s his turn to sigh because he’s never been good at communicating, not when it comes to the important stuff. Up until three hours ago you were just a colleague, the woman he had a thing for. And now…
“I’ve always thought you were beautiful.” He tells you because you took a risk and now it’s his turn. “And it has been intimidating actually, because you’re also smart and funny. The perfect package.”
“You don’t have to say that.”
He can tell you don’t believe him, why would you? You’re ex-husband spent years lying to about his affairs. He knows how that feels, how it erodes at your self-worth. He also knows that sometimes actions speak louder than words.  
“I mean it.” He tells you, his fingertips tilting up your chin so that he can look into your eyes. “I never thought I had a shot with you.”
“We’re idiots aren’t we?” You say softly as his thumb traces over the apple of your cheek.
“We are trapped in an elevator.” He agrees, his nose trailing along the length of yours. “And I’m terrified what other secrets I may end up spilling if we stay in here any longer.”
“You wanna do something other than talk?” You ask him and he smiles against the corner of your mouth.
“Yea.” He whispers, his lips brushing over yours. “I think I would.”
Love Dean? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.
Interested in supporting me? Join my Patreon for Bonus Content!
Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee
Tumblr media
31 notes · View notes
luizd3ad · 3 days
Text
She's My Religion | Lily Evans x Fem!Reader One Shot
ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 ࣪˖⤷ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ ࣪ ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 ˖ ⤷
Pairing: Lily Evans x Reader
WC:8,636
TW: mentions of abuse, self-doubt, cursing, little bit of homophobia and use of homophobic slur, use of the word Mud-Blood (not used by reader), use of Y/N, Reader is implied to be a Slytherin but not directly specified, mentions of violence, death threats, It’s kinda angsty, but cute at the end.
Author's Note: I’ve never wrote for Lily so I’m sorry if this is out of character or something idk I tried this is also the longest fic I’ve written I didn’t mean for it to be this long😅.
Summary: What happens when Sirius Blacks little sister and Regulus Blacks twin sister starts to fall for the intelligent and beautiful Lily Evans?
Tumblr media
I made this cute little mood board idk I just love this tbh
⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳
Y/N Black had always been seen as the colder Black out of her and her two brothers and that was saying something especially considering her twin, Regulus. 
Regulus and her had been close their whole lifes. Their eldest cousin Andromeda would say they were thick as thieves. Always doing everything together refusing to go or do anything without the other. 
But after years of abuse from their partners and then it only getting worse when their older brother Sirius left she closed up, to the point of even icing Regulus out to an extent.
When Regulus made the choice to mend the bond between him and Sirius, Y/N made it clear that she wanted no part in it. 
In Y/N’s eyes Sirius didn't care, he didn't love her. She knew he didn't. If he did, why would he leave them? Why would he leave her? Especially with those people.
Sirius had always protected Regulus and Y/N as much as he could. He would take punishment, sneak them food if they were forced to go without. 
Eventually protecting them ment having Regulus go to The Potters with him when there was talk of an arranged marriage for Regulus.
Regulus left 12 Grimmauld Place during winter break in their 5th year, Y/N being left once again.  
At that point she'd separated herself from everyone who'd cared for her, admittedly it was mostly her brothers but also the few friends she and Regulus shared.
Sirius had tried many times to talk to Y/N but she never budged, she'd rarely spare him a glance. He was shattered, Sirius felt as if he'd lost his baby sister. 
Regulus took it worse not that he'd admit that to anyone who wasn't Sirius. He had hoped that she'd forgive them at some point and that she'd join them or at the very least understand why they left but she didn't. 
Y/N wouldn't speak, look, or even be in the same room as Regulus if she could help it. 
Regulus lost his twin, his other half, his life line and she didn't even seem to care. 
But she did care she cared so fucking much. 
· · ────── ·𖥸· ────── · ·
Despite Y/N being cold and dark to those around her, she was smart.
Some would say smarter than Regulus, definitely smarter than Sirius. 
So it came as no surprise to her when the summer between her 5th and 6th year Y/N got word that she was to join the 7th year potions class.
Honestly she didn't care, Walburga was as pleased as she could be and Orion unsurprisingly couldn't care less.
But that's how she found herself being in the potion class the year above and being assigned partners with her. 
Lily Evans. 
Y/N didn't know much about Lily other than she was friends with her brother and his friends, she was smart, a Gryffindor and muggle-born.
Now Y/N didn't care for blood statues. It never made sense to her, the hatred that so many purebloods held for half-bloods or muggle-borns.
It all seemed barbaric and honestly a waste of time.
So, no Y/N didn't care that she was partnered with someone who was a muggle-born. 
She did care however that she was partnered with a friend of Sirius's. And it wasn't just a friend that he would see around and chat up with sometimes no, they were close friends.
This was going to be a problem.
“Hi, I’m Lily! Your Siris’ and Regs’ little sister right?”
Lily stuck out her hand for you to shake with one of the brightest smiles you think you've ever seen. 
You simply roll your eyes and dismiss her hand shake. 
“I prefer to be called by my name, Y/N, rather than being referred to as Sirius and Regulus' sister.”
Lily drops her hand and her smile falls just a tad, not enough for most people to notice, but you did. 
“Of course. I'm sorry, truly.”
“It's fine Evans.”
You say coldly, giving your undivided attention to Slughorn.
The rest of class was spent taking notes mostly with Lily attempting to make small talk every so often. You ignored her for the rest of the class.
You knew Lily was only trying to be nice but you also knew she was only trying to be nice so she could bring up your brothers.  
And talking about them was one of the last things you wanted to do.
· · ────── ·𖥸· ────── · ·
Days started to pass turning into weeks, weeks turning into months.
You and Lily had been cordial.
You tried your best not to be completely rude to her since she always tried to make small talk and she was kind to you.
You actually grew quite fond of her over time but you didn't think that the two of you were friends by any means.
But you were acquaintances.
And you did like being in her presents.
It had been three months since school had started and Slughorn had announced that there was a project that was due in 2 weeks, right before christmas break would start and you were to work on it with your partner.
You sighed and looked to the side to see a smiling Lily. 
You weren’t upset that you had to do a project with Lily considering she was very smart and you liked being around her, but you were upset knowing that you'd have to spend time with her after class and knowing that where she goes her friends were not far most of the time.
Which meant there was a possibility of seeing her friends, which meant a possibility of seeing Sirius and or Regulus more than you'd like.
“Okay Evans we’ll meet at the library after classes are done so we can just get this done. Please refrain from bringing your friends.”
Lily knew what you meant by that, you were asking her to keep Sirius and Regulus away from you.
Lily chuckled and shook her head.
“They go where they please.”
Translation. She couldn't stop either of them, more specifically Sirius, even if she wanted to. 
“I see. I'll see you later Evans.”
You sigh once more gathering your things to walk away. 
“Bye Y/N.”
It always caught you off guard when she would call you by your first name instead of your surname. 
First names were meant for friends, yet she never called you Black. 
She only ever called you Y/N, as if you were good friends. 
You supposed that was just the type of person Lily was. She was nice to everyone unless they gave her a reason not to be. 
· · ────── ·𖥸· ────── · ·
After classes you find yourself entering the library. You were expecting to have to wait for Lily but to your surprise she beat you there.
You walk to the table she was occupying, setting your things down.
Once she notices you she looks up from her seat smiling at you.
She had a very beautiful smile, one that made you feel your heart skip a beat for a moment. But you chose to ignore the feeling, deciding, hoping, it meant nothing. 
“How were your classes Y/N?”
Lily asked with genuine curiosity in her eyes. 
Did she actually care? She couldn't possibly care about my day. No, she didn't care, she was just asking to be polite. That was all. You tried to convince yourself.
“It was fine… How about you?”
Lily then went on about her day. She told you her favorite thing she learned that day, a joke her friend Mary told her that made you actually crack a small smile. 
You couldn't help but hold on to every word that came out of her mouth. 
Without you even realizing it Lily talking was easily becoming your favorite part of the days that followed.
You spent every day that week meeting with Lily at the library and you realized you actually really liked spending time with her. She had managed to make you smile a few times which was a rare sight.
Lily had this light to her that you couldn't describe. She was just everything good in the world. 
She was funny, smart, sweet, kind, beautiful and you wanted to spend every moment you could with her. 
You realized as the weekend grew closer you wouldn't have a reason to see her for two days. That bothered you and you couldn't figure out why. 
The two of you were working late in the back of the library. The library was practically empty.
“There's a Hufflepuff party tomorrow night. Are you going?”
“No. Parties aren't really something I enjoy. I’m assuming it’s safe to assume you're going?”
You say giving Lily a small smile.
“Yeah. We're all going… you should come.”
You knew what she meant. Sirius and most likely Regulus were going to be there.
Over the week of working with her she would make little suggestions now and then about seeing or talking to your brothers without blatantly saying so.
You just shook your head looking down at the table.
“I'm okay, thank you for the invitation.”
“Okay well, I'm going to Hogsmeade on sunday. Usually no one comes with me since they're all hungover. Would you like to join me?”
You felt yourself stop breathing. You didn't know why you felt this way. 
It was just Lily, but you've never spent time with Lily outside of an academic setting. 
Was this for the project? Or were you supposed to hang out as friends? Or was it.. More?
Did you want it to be more?
Before you have the chance to answer or contemplate further, your conversation was interrupted.  
“Oi, Black! Three blood traitors wasn’t enough for your line? You decided to become one yourself?”
Avery said, making Mulciber laugh. 
You look up at them about to get up but Lily grabs and squeezes your hand telling you to let it go. 
So you did.
“Aww isn't that cute? You’re shagging the Mud-blood now? Merlin your whole family is full of a bunch of fuckin’ poof-”
Before he can finish his sentence you have him on the ground holding his nose. You felt what some people would refer to as ‘The Black Family Madness’ cloud your mind. 
You thought it was just pure fucking anger, but what did you know?
You look down at Avery while having your wand pointing at Mulciber to keep him where he is, not showing any emotion on your face.
“I could kill you, you know? I could kill both of you. Make it look like self defense. ‘Oh i was so scared they cornered me and I- I didn't know what to do. I was scared for my life'.”
You say the last part in a mocking tone you then crouch in front of Avery looking him dead in the eyes.
“No one would even blink if you two died. Did you know that? I won't do it though because I refuse to risk myself being thrown in Azkaban. Especially for the likes of you, do you know why? It’s simple really, both of your lives put together don't even measure up to mine alone in terms of importance.”
You stand up straight looking at both of them.
“Now you're going to apologize to Evans for caller her such a vile and disgusting name, and if you don’t I will have a letter send to my mother by the end of the night about how I walked in on you two shoving your tongues down each other's throats and how I ‘just don't know what to do!’ and then we can see how your fathers react to just the idea of having ‘poofs’ inside they're line.”
You give them a small smirk while Avery and Mulciber look at each other debating if they're willing to have a rumor like that go around especially since it was a lie.
“And if you think my mother won't believe me. I reassure you, she will. Why would I lie? It wouldn’t benefit me as far as she's concerned and I am as close to a ‘perfect’ child as she'll ever get and if it comes out that the two of you might be shagging then the dirty looks get taken off The Black Family’ and move to The Mulcibers’ and The Averys’. So let's play this one smart boys.”
That seemed to convince Avery enough that he stands up and looks at Lily and forces out an ‘I’m sorry.’ 
Mulciber is a little more hesitant. You send a Stinging Jinx Mulcibers way, he falls to his knees with a small hiss and looks at Lily.
“I'm sorry Evans, really really sorry.”
Mulcibers cried out
“Now. You're both going to leave Evans alone. You are going to keep her name and both of my brothers' names out of your mouths. Am I understood?”
You say with no emotion on your face once again. 
They both let out quiet ‘yes’s’ while scrambling to leave.
After the ‘Madness’ had cleared from your mind it hit you what you did. You didn't feel bad about what you did but you realize you did it all in front of Lily. 
You don't even look at her as you start to gather your things.
“I’m sorry Evans, really. I-I should go.”
You ramble out while trying to walk away. Lily grabs your arm stopping you in your tracks.
“I won't lie and say I agree with what you did, but I don't blame you. I also appreciate you standing up for me. I'm not mad or scared of you Y/N.”
“I should have never done that in front of you. I'm sorry, really.”
“It's okay. I promise. Lets stop working tonight, yeah?”
You nod at Lily.
“Yeah. Okay” 
“So about Hogsmeade?”
· · ────── ·𖥸· ────── · ·
You were sitting by the entrance of Hogwarts looking down playing with the matching serpent ring that Regulus had got for you and him a few birthdays ago. 
You've never taken it off.
You were just wearing some plain jeans and a jumper you had stolen from Sirius years ago. You find yourself wearing it when you think you might need moral support and you didn't know why but you felt a need to wear it today.
No matter how hurt you might be from your brothers leaving, you still loved them so much. You didn't necessarily blame them for leaving the house or the family, you just wish they were still with you.
You’re taken out of your thoughts when you hear footsteps coming your way. 
You look up and forget how to breathe for a moment. 
There she was. Lily fucking Evans walking towards you she was wearing a white long sleeve shirt and a plaid skirt it was so simple but she looked amazing.
Why are you feeling like this? Why does it feel like every time you're in her presents you feel like you can't breathe?
You've never felt this way before.
“Hey Y/N ready to go?”
“Yes.”
You felt like your words were stuck in your throat. 
She was just so fucking beautiful. 
You didn't talk much on your walk to Hogsmeade. You were too caught up in your head and Lily had noticed that.
“Are you okay Y/N?”
“Yes, I'm fine. How was your party last night?”
You asked, trying to change the subject. LIly knew what you were doing and she let you get away with it.
“It was actually a lot of fun. It would have been a lot more fun if you were there.”
Lily said, sending you a smile. 
You just rolled your eyes playfully with a small smile of your own, letting Lily go on about the things that happened. She told you everything that had happened as if she didn't want you to feel left out. You didn't realize how much a little act like that could make your heart speed up a bit.
By the time you had gotten to Hogmaede Lily was laughing at a story about something her friend Marlenne had done, you were just smiling. Whether you were smiling at the story or at her laugh you didn't know and you didn't want to think about it. You just wanted to enjoy the time with her.
At some point Lily grabbed your hand holding it as you went through multiple shops, you tried not to pay too much attention to how her hand felt in yours. There were a few disagreements here and there when you insisted on paying for the things she wanted.
She in her words 'didn't want you to waste your money’ and you just responded with ‘it's not a waste if it's you.’
She finally stopped fighting you after you told her that you loved spending money on things you knew your mother and father wouldn't agree with. It was one of your little acts of rebellion. Which was true but a part of you also just wanted to spoil her.. But she didn't have to know that.
By the time you two had gotten back to the castle it was almost dark. You walked Lily to the Gryffindor tower still holding her hand.
“You know you could come in right? They want to see you.”
Lily said, squeezing your hand gently to reassure you.
Since the school year started and you wouldn't talk to Regulus he stopped coming down to the dungeons if he could help it, he started to stay in the Gryffindor tower. So other than the few classes you shared and the occasional glances across the great hall you haven't seen your twin in months.
It killed a part of you but you were still so angry and hurt.
“Me and you both know that's not a good idea.”
You said looking down. Lily was about to disagree when the portrait opened out walking James Potter, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew and last but not least both of your brothers. 
You could hear a pin drop in the corridor outside of the Gryffindor common room.
Sirius and Regulus stare at you without saying a word. No one moves, no one says anything.
You look back at Lily with your jaw clenched and drop her hand, putting your hands in your pockets. You didn't miss the hurt that flashes through her eyes but you didn't focus on it. You just had to get out of there.
“I'll see you later Evans, Yeah?”
You say to Lily mustering up a very small smile at her so she knew you were not upset with her. 
You started to walk away not even acknowledging the presents of anyone else. You do your best to keep walking away ignore the sound of talking down the hall, trying your best to not spare your brothers another glance
You just weren't ready to talk to them and you didn't even know if they actually wanted to talk to you.
So you just continue walking to the dungeons 
· · ────── ·𖥸· ────── · ·
The next day Lily rushed into potions class, saying how sorry she was and explaining that she didn't know that was going to happen. It was all just poor timing.
All you could do was smile at her and reassure her that you didn't blame her.
You knew she wouldn't do something like that to you,
As the days passed by getting closer to the middle of the week you and Lily continued to get closer. You both would still meet up after classes in the library to finish up your project, the project that you both knew you could have finished, days ago.
You were coming to expect that you possibly had feelings for the girl but you knew she most likely just saw you as a friend.
You both were packing up for the night, you had finally finished with your project with two days to spare. It was a bittersweet moment.
“Y/N, what are you doing tonight?”
You looked up confused but you had a spark of hope in your chest.
“Nothing, probably go to my dorm, read, sleep… Why?”
“I have rounds tonight till 8:30. Do you want to meet after?”
“Um.. Okay? Yes, I'd like that. Um where should we meet?”
Lily then gave you one of her breath taking smiles obviously excited that you agreed.
“I'll come get you after I'm down, just meet me in front of the dungeons around 9?”
“Okay, Yeah.”
You were caught off guard when Lily walked over to you and hugged you.
The only people to have hugged you were your brothers and even then it had been years. You didn't know what to do for a moment so after some hesitation you hugged her back.
You felt her relax into you for a moment. You could smell her perfume, Strawberries and vanilla.
You reluctantly pulled away after a moment. You could see a light blush on her face and you couldn't imagine that you were any better.
“I'll see you later Evans.”
You say giving Lily a small smile and walking away with your things in hand.
Once you left the library you all but ran to your dorm. Your thoughts consume you.
That was a friend hug right? It had to be. Lily was just nice like that. Are friend hugs supposed to last that long though? You wouldn't know you wouldn't ever let anyone you were friends with hug you.
So then why did you let Lily hug you?
Why did you want to do it again?
Before you knew it it was 8:55 and you were waiting in front of the dungouse. You were still over thinking the hug.
Why was something so simple as a hug throwing you off? It didn't make sense.
You continued to think while absentmindedly playing with your ring. You were so lost in thought that you didn't even notice Lily till she put her hand on yours, stopping you from fidgeting.
You look at her and smile slightly.
“Where exactly are we going Evans?”
You ask, raising an eyebrow.
“Now why would I tell you that? Come on.”
Lily gave you a smirk and grabbed you hand leading you to wherever she was taking you. You couldn't help but blush at her holding your hand but you didn't pull away or protest it.
You let out a little chuckle when you finally realized where Lily was leading you.
“Really Evans? The astronomy tower? Seems a little cliché doesn’t it?”
You say with a teasing voice all Lily does is roll her eyes at you as you make it to the top of the tower.
When you get there you see that a few blankets and pillows are lying out.
You just blush again and Lily drags you over and has you sit with her in the pile of blankets and pillows.
“So why here?”
You ask leaning back on your hands.
“It’s just one of my favorite places. I like the stars.”
She says with a little shrug.
“Do you know about Cassiopeia?”
You ask, looking at her as she looks into the sky. Lily just shrugs and looks at you.
“Admittedly I’m not very good at astronomy. I would usually have… um Sirius do my work.”
Lily says looking scared that just mentioning your brother will have you running for the hills.
“Cassiopeia was the queen of Ethiopia; she was married to King Cepheus. One day she had angered Poseidon, she claimed that her and her daughter, Andromeda were more beautiful than the daughters of Nereus. So the sea nymphs, Nereids, asked Poseidon to send a monster to destroy King Cepheus's coast. To appease the monster, Cassiopeia and Cepheus chained Andromeda to a rock as a sacrifice, Perseus rescued Andromeda, but Poseidon still punished Cassiopeia, he took her and hung her in the heavens. Cassiopeia sits on her throne, but during part of the year, she appears upside down in the sky.”
Lily looks at you slightly shocked.
“How do you just know that?”
You chuckle and shake your head lightly.
“Evans, I’m a Black. It’s basically a requirement to know about the stars.”
“Okay fine, tell me about that one.”
She says point at a random constellation.
You tell her about every constellation or star she points at for a while, not noticing that the two of you have subconsciously been moving closer and closer. Eventually your shoulders are touching hands brushing against each other every so often. 
“Okay how about that one?”
She pointed at one of the clusters of stars you hoped she wouldn’t have pointed out.
Then again it was bound to happen.
“Canis Major the ‘great dog’ it’s built around Sirius, the Dog Star, the brightest star in the sky.”
You say looking down, playing with the ring on your finger.
There’s a silence for a moment, it’s not awkward but not necessarily comfortable either.
“They miss you, you know?”
Lily says, looking at you.
“I don’t want to talk about this right now.”
You say not looking at her at all.
A part of you knew you couldn’t look at her because if you did you’d tell her anything she wanted to know.
“They really do. Sirius and Regulus ask me how you're doing all the time Y/N.”
Lily says grabbing your hand to stop you from playing with your ring once again.
“Lily please.”
You say looking up at her. 
Your breath gets stuck in your throat for a moment once you realize how close the two of you are.
You're so caught up in the moment, so captivated by the most beautiful pair of green eyes you've ever seen that you didn't even notice.
You didn't even notice that you called her Lily. Not Evans. 
Just Lily.
“You know you have the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen?”
Lily says, staring at your eyes.
“Funny. I was thinking the same thing.”
You said with a new found confidence. Lily looks down at your lips for a moment and then you both start to lean in slowly.
“Ooooo naughty naughty.”
You both jump at the sound of the most annoying Poltergeist known to man.
After a few minutes of Lily somehow convincing Peeves to not tell on us for being there. You found yourself walking Lily to the Gryffindor common room hand in hand for the second time in a week.
“I hope you had fun tonight, I’m sorry Peeves kinda ruined the night.”
Lily said, stopping in front of the entrance to her common room.
“It's not your fault. You didn't know he would be there. I still had a good time.”
She just smiled at you, not letting go of your hand. 
“I had a lot of fun too.”
You desperately didn't want the night to end but you didn't know how to express that. You weren't blind you could tell Lily most likely had some kind of feelings for you. There was just a part of you that was still so scared of being rejected or left.
“It's getting late so we should go to bed.”
You say ruining your thumb over her knuckles.
“What if I said I didn't want to go to bed yet?”
Lily said, stepping closer to you. 
You just smile and let out a little sigh looking her in the eyes.
“I would then say that as much as I don't want this night to end, we've already been caught once and it's late, we have class tomorrow and I wouldn't want to see you tired… though under different circumstances I would love to see you tired.”
You say to her while smirking at her with confidence that you didn't know you had.
Lily just looks at you speechless blushing more than you think you've ever seen her before. You then dare to kiss her cheek softly.
“Goodnight, Lily.”
You whisper while sending a small smile towards her, not waiting for a response you start to walk away.
This had been one of the best nights of your life.
 · · ────── ·𖥸· ────── · ·
Even though you had finished your projects you and Lily found yourselves still meeting in the library after classes leading up to break.
You both had been more affectionate in your own ways, Lily had started bringing you little snacks and water because she thought you didn't eat enough or drink enough water.
You were just constantly holding her hand or hugging her when you got the chance. It didn't go farther than that physically but you two started shamelessly flirting more often.
Finally it was the day before everyone would leave for christmas break you had just turned in your project to Slughorn.
You were gathering your things to leave for the next class when you were hit with an idea.
“Lily, do you want to.. Maybe hang out tonight?”
You asked nervously while a faint blush took over your face. You don't know why you're so nervous. You had hung out with Lily so many times at this point, it should feel normal.
She smiled at you and nodded.
“Yeah. I'd like that.”
“Okay. meet me at the astronomy tower. Around 8?”
“Really Y/N the astronomy tower? How cliché.”
Lily says in a teasing tone.
“Hahaha, just meet me there okay?”
You gave Lily’s hand a little squeeze, sending her a smile.
After classes that day you got together a little picnic basket of all the candies and food that Lily had told you she liked at one point or another. 
You had gone and set everything up so you went back to your dorm to change into your favorite outfit. Finally it was time to meet Lily you found her eventually and smiled at how beautiful she looked.
“So where are we going?”
Lily asked as you walked up to her.
“Wouldn't you like to know?”
You say sending her a small smirk as she rolled her eyes.
“Yes I actually would.”
“You'll find out soon, calm down.”
You say grabbing her hand and leading her up to the third floor of the astronomy tower, you then let go of Lily’s hand walking in front of the blank wall while Lily looks at you curiously. 
Soon the door for the Room of Requirements appears and the look Lily gives you is priceless.
“Is this the Room of Requirement?”
You nod while opening the door for her.
“Yeah. I found it in my third year. It's my own little part of the school, where no one can bother me unless I let them. You're the first person I've brought here.”
The room is full of books and a big fireplace with large comfy couches and a record player with all your favorite records next to it.
Next to the fireplace is the little picnic you had set up. Lily lets out a soft gasp as she sees the set up.
You both sit down and look at each other for a while. It's a soft moment, it feels like you both just needed to take each other in for a moment.
“So it's your last christmas here. Are you going home?”
You ask, taking a bite of a chocolate wand after.
“No. We all decided to stay here for our last christmas. Are you staying?”
“Yes. I'd rather spend Christmas in the dungeons then go back to Grimmauld Place.”
You say shaking your head with a sigh.
“Y/N, I know you try to avoid talking about this but just hear me out and if you don't want to talk about it after, I will leave it be, okay?”
You sigh already knowing where this conversation is going but you decided to hear Lily out anyway. You nod your head letting her know that she can continue.
“You said it yourself. This is mine and Sirius’s last Christmas at Hogwart. This is probably the last chance the three of you have to spend a Christmas together. They miss you Y/N, honestly they do. My sister doesn't talk to me anymore because I'm a witch and I miss her everyday. I don't want to see you go through that. I don't want you to regret not seeing your brother when you had the chance.”
You take a moment to think about it. You already knew if you didnt make up with them soon you'd regret it. Hell you already regretted it. 
You remembered how heartbroken Narcissa was when she found out that Andromeda had a baby. Narcissa knew she would never be able to meet her niece. You didn't want that. You didn't want your brothers to have families and you not be involved. You knew that if you didnt get over this pettiness that there was a large possibility that that was exactly the path you were heading down. 
“Okay. when everyone leaves tomorrow. I'll see them.”
“Really?”
“Yeah Lils. You're right after all. I don't want to not be a part of my brothers’ lives.”
Lily just gives you a hug whispering how proud of you she was.
Lily understood how hard this was for you. She knew you were hurt even if you never flat out said it to her.But it was time for you to get over it before you lost the only family you ever really cared for.
You and Lily spend the rest of the night talking and laughing. For a moment you forget the anxiety that will consume you tomorrow.
You'll be fine. As long as you have Lily by your side you know you'll be fine.
· · ────── ·𖥸· ────── · ·
You waited at the entrance of the Gryffindor common room anxiously playing with the ring on your finger.
Why did you agree to this? Were you really ready to face your brothers? What if they hated you? What if they wanted nothing to do with you?
You were so caught up in your thoughts you didn't even notice your favorite red head till she touched your hands stopping you fidgeting with your ring one again.
You looked up at her, the anxiety obvious on your face. 
“They want to see you. I promise.”
She gives you a comforting smile keeping her hand on yours.
“What if I fuck this up? What if I lose them for good?”
You feel the burning behind your eyes trying not to cry.
“They love you so much Y/N. All you have to do is try.”
You nod, keeping Lily’s hand in yours letting her lead you into the portrait of Elizabeth Spriggs aka ‘The Fat Lady’.
Once you walk into the common room you notice it seems uncharacteristically quiet. 
You look and see two matching sets of gray eyes looking at you. You take a deep breath still trying to hold back the tears.
It's been close to a year since you talked to Sirius, quite a few months since you talked to Regulus.   
“Sirius, Regulus.”
You say in a neutral voice not making eye contact with either of them.
There's a moment of silence and stillness, a part of  you considers running out of the room but before you can act on that though you're being tackled into a hug by your eldest brother. You couldn't help but let a few tears fall as you hold Sirius and you can tell he's crying just the same.
Sirius cups your face with both of hands after a few moments to look at you with tears streaming down his face.
“I'm never letting you go again, you hear? I'm not losing my baby sister again.”
You let out a little sob and hug Sirius again putting your head on his chest.
“Sirius, Y/N why don't we go somewhere with a smaller audience.”
Regulus said in all his stoic glory. 
“Yeah. Regs right. We'll go to my room, alright?”
You give a small nod to Sirius then leads you to his shared dorm room while Regulus follows behind. 
You honestly didn't even notice the other people in the room until Regulus said something.
It wasn't many people, it was just ‘The Marauders’ as they call themselves and Lily but Regulus knew you would be more comfortable with just you three and you knew Regulus felt the same.
Once you get to Sirius room you look at Regulus for the first time in months.
“I’m sorry Regulus. I really am.”
You say trying to hold tears back once again.
“You ignored me. You ignored me for months Y/N.”
You look down ashamed playing with your ring once more.
“I know Regulus and if I could go back I would but I can’t. I was just hurt. Sirius left and that hurt so fucking much but at least I had you. Then you left, and I understand why you did but then I was just by myself. It nearly killed me to be alone with mother and father.”
You said taking a deep breath.
“I told you to come with me. Why didn’t you come?”
Regulus said with so much hurt in his voice it felt like someone ripped your heart out.
“I was afraid. I was afraid that I was too much like them. That if I would have gone, I would have tainted whatever good you made for yourselves.”
“You are nothing like them. Neither of you are. I made sure of that. Y/N if you were like them you wouldn’t be friends with Lily and Regulus if you were you would have never reached out for help.”
Sirius says while holding you against him once again.
“I really am sorry Reg.”
You look up at regulus with your tear stained face.
Regulus’s eyes softened and before you knew it, Regulus had taken you from Sirius arms and hugged you tighter than you had ever been hugged before but you didn’t mind.
You both cried into each other's arms for the first time in years. 
Sirius hugged both of you and for a moment you just sat there in your brother's arms enjoying every second of it.
“So, you and Lily huh?”
Sirius says in a teasing voice. You pushed him away and glared at him.
“Shut up.”
You say with a slight pout. Regulus and Sirius just give each other a knowing look as you roll your eyes and scoff.
“I hate you both. Did you know that?”
“Nah, you love us too much baby sister.”
Sirius says ruffling your hair as you swat his hands away.
“Wait. Is that my jumper?”
“… No. You’re crazy. The Black Family Madness is catching up with you Siri.”
Sirius and you start to argue as if no time had passed. Regulus just smiles at you two feeling grateful to have this back.
You spend the rest of the break with your brothers mostly but also with the marauders and Lily.
You got to know them all. 
You took a liking to Remus quickly bonding over your favorite books.
You and Peter got along well enough playing chess together often, since he would insist on rematches because you would continuously beat him.
James admittedly was harder not that you didn’t like him but a part of you had blamed him for Sirius leaving for so long that it was hard to get past that and it showed. It wasn't until christmas eve when James had pulled you aside for a moment when you felt yourself grow comfortable with him.
“You know, you don't have to go back there right?”
“What do you mean Potter?”
You looked at him with raised eyebrows as he sat next to you on the couch you were now occupying. 
“You don't have to go back to Grimmauld Place. You could be with your brothers again, I already wrote mum and dad. They said they'd be more than happy to have another Black join the Potters. I mean what's another one, yeah?”
James said with a small smile, lightly bumping your shoulder with his.
“Are you sure? I don't-”
“Yes. I know. You don't want to over step or be a burden and I know you don't think you deserve it, but you do. Merlin's beard, you and your brother are just the same. I will never understand the treatment your parents put the three of you through. But what I do know is that you three deserve good things in your lives. You deserve so much more than what your parents put you through. You are worth so much more than what they made you believe you were. You deserve to be loved, to be safe and to be happy. Y/N you will always have a home with us, plus… I've always wanted a little sister.”
You didn't say anything, you just hugged James and nodded your head.
Off to the side watching the interaction between you and James was your brothers, for the first time in years Regulus and Sirius knew the three of you would be safe and they couldn't be happier.
They liked seeing you interact with the people that they’ve grown close with and getting to see you actually happy every so often was just a bounce. 
But your brothers weren’t the only ones who liked it. 
Lily loved seeing you interact with all of them. 
You seemed so alive.
She’d never seen you act like that with anyone but her. She loved seeing you smile and laugh. She loved seeing you and your brothers truly happy.
This was her favorite Christmas so far.
You had made it her favorite Christmas.
· · ────── ·𖥸· ────── · ·
You felt better than you had in months, no, years. 
You had your brothers back and for the first time in years. The three of you were getting along and you knew you would finally be safe.
You also knew it was because of Lily as well. 
She was the fire in your darkness, she gave you light, warmth and she felt so happy and safe.
Everything felt good for once. But if you knew anything, you knew that wasn't going to last.
“You don't actually think she loves you do you?”
You turn to see none other than Severus Snape leaning by the entrance to the dungeons. You raise your eyebrow at him questioningly. 
You don't really talk to Snape unless it was necessary you never really liked him or the company he kept in recent years. So for him to start any conversion with you was rare.
“What are you on about Snape?”
“Lily.”
He states as if it's obvious.
“What about Lily?”
Your interest obviously peaked at hearing the name of your favorite Gryffindor.
“She'll never love you. She loves Potter.”
He says in a monotone voice. You scoff rolling your eyes. 
“I don't know why I'm bothering with this nonsense.”
You turn to walk away muttering to yourself. 
“She and Potter kissed, you know. The other week, at a Hufflepuff party. I saw them. Potter has been pining for Lily since our first year. It seems he finally got what he was after.”
You stood there shocked, confused, frozen with your jaw now clenched. 
That couldn't be true. Lily wouldn't do that and if she did she'd tell you right? I mean you were… whatever you are, right?
And James wouldn't do that. He had all but flat out asked you to be his sister.
Snape was lying, he had to be. He was spreading lies about Lily. He just had to be. You wouldn't stand for that. You felt ‘The Madness’ creep in once again.
In one swift motion you had Snape pinned against the wall with your wand pointed at his neck. 
“You will not speak of Lily again. You will not look at her, speak to her. You will not breathe the same air as her and if you do. I will kill you. Do I make myself clear?”
You say with murderous eyes. 
Snape would never admit it but he was scared. He's only ever seen you as cold, emotionless. This was far from emotionless. 
“Crystal.”
Snape said, trying to hide his emotions as best as he could. 
You walk away without another glance stuck in your head. 
He had to be lying right? But why would he lie? Nothing made sense. Maybe he wasn't lying.
Stupid. You were so fucking stupid.
How could you think someone like Lily Evans would like someone like you. 
Lily brings life to everything she touches, she was sweet, caring, kind she was fucking perfect.
You were a Black, enough said.
You were angry, mean, rude, it was in your blood to ruin everything you touch. 
It wasn't her fault that you thought you might actually have a chance, that you developed a stupid crush, it was your fault for being stupid enough to think that it was ever a possibility.
I mean maybe you and Lily were just friends. Maybe you misunderstood?
You couldn't blame her but that didn't mean it hurt less. 
The first person you started putting your walls down for the first time in years obviously didn't care about you the way you cared for her. 
So you did what you did best when people would hurt you.
You avoided and ignored her. You managed to avoid Lily for a few days skipping potions class, leaving the library when you would see her walk in. 
Sirius was quickly getting irritated with your antics. He had been pestering you as to why you were avoiding Lily but you wouldn’t tell him or Regulus. 
If they knew she would find out.
So you just kept avoiding her and avoiding answering any questions your brothers would ask.
Eventually she found you and tried to talk to you which led to you ignoring her. It killed you to see the look on her face but it was necessary to protect yourself. You tried to convince yourself that it would be easier after a week. 
It wasn't.
For either of you apparently. 
Lily had managed to find you in the library while you were looking for a book to distract yourself with. You had put your guard down for a moment. You didn't even know she was there till she spoke.
“Y/N.”
She had said to gain your attention, when you realized there wasn't anywhere for you to go you decided to just get it over with to stop avoiding your problems for the first time in your life. 
You rolled your eyes and sighed looking at her for the first time in a week.
“What the hell do you want Evens? Shouldn't you be with your boyfriend, Potter?”
You say to Lily in a monotone voice looking her in the eyes.
“What are you talking about? I'm not dating James, I don't want him!”
You felt all the anger and insecurity start to cloud your brain. She was lying. How dare she lie to you. You were damned if you were made a fool once again. 
“You're such a liar Evans. Snape told me everything about how Potter has been pining for you for years! How he saw you two kiss at the Hufflepuff party! I can't believe I was stupid enough to believe you'd actually like me. I can't believe I was stupid enough to think Potter would actually look at me as a sister.”
You whisper yelled with your jaw clenched while the back of your eyes burned trying to hold back tears. 
“Me and James didn’t kiss I swear-”
You scoff, turning to walk away deciding you were done with this conversation, but Lily grabbed you by the arm, tapping you against the bookshelf.
“I didn't kiss James.He's a great friend but nothing more to me, and he does care for you, I know he does. But I don't want him, I want you. I've wanted you since the first time I laid eyes on you. I love everything about you. I love how loyal you are, how even if you didn’t talk to your brother you'd never let anyone speak ill of them. How despite being raised to hate someone like me you never held something as stupid as my blood statutes against me. I love how smart you are. How you cover your smile when you laugh. How your eyes light up when youre reading a book you enjoy. How when you get anxious you play with your ring. Everything. Can’t you see that?”
You searched her eyes trying to see if there was any lie, but all you saw was the truth. She meant every word and it scared you. 
Lily then cupped your cheek wiping away a tear you didn't know was there.
“Why would you want me? I'm cold, rude, cynical and angry all the time. I'm not a great person...”
Lily scoffs playfully while smiling.
“You're no angel but you’re my everything Y/N. To me you light up the room, you don't take shit from anyone, you stand up for what you believe and I hope you'll never change. You showed me that I'm enough. I'll never stop wanting you. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you.”
Lily whispers the last part brushing her nose against yours.
“What if I hurt you?”
You whisper your voice breaking a little.
“You'll probably hurt me a few times and I'll probably hurt you a few times but that's okay as long as we work it out together, yeah?”
“Yeah.”
The anger and insecurity finally unclouding your brain letting you take in how close you two are. 
Lily's hand is still cupping your cheek while her other hand is on your hip pressing you slightly in the bookshelf while she's pressed against you.
Lily's eyes flicker down to your lips and you nod softly letting her know it was okay. 
You both lean in, your lips touching for the first time.
You felt warmth go through your whole body. It was beyond a spark or fireworks. It felt as if a bomb had been dropped on you. 
That kiss broke something in you. 
But it wasn't bad. 
It had broken down every wall that you spent years building up brick by brick. 
In just a moment Lily Evans had managed to do something to you, that you and so many other people thought impossible. 
She healed a part of you. 
Her lips were so soft they felt like silk against yours. 
It felt like she was made to be with you.
It's soft and sweet, at first. Then it felt consuming. She was all around you and you didn't want it to be any other way. 
You could only feel her, her hand squeezing your hip as your hand was on the back of her head pulling her closer. 
You could only smell her cherry and vanilla perfume. It made you dizzy with how intoxicating it was.
You had forgotten that you were in public for a moment that was until you heard a throat clear. 
Both of you pulling away with hot faces you look to see a very amused and smirking Remus Lupin. 
“Finally. I was afraid neither of you would ever actually make a move. Just wait till Sirius hears about this.”
You groan, throwing your head back against the bookcase while Remus and Lily laugh at your expense. 
You never expected for anyone to be able to break down your walls, to fall for someone. 
Especially not someone like Lily. 
But fuck were you happy that she did.
⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳
28 notes · View notes
Text
Space Corp. Directive #1215225
Tumblr media
For some ungodly reason, you fancy the second technician, but you'd be damned if you ever admitted it.
Pairing: Arnold Rimmer x (F) Reader
Warnings: Suggestive content
Chapter Fourteen: Starbuggin’
//
It had been a nice day.
This wasn’t particularly notable or odd; you’d settled very happily into life aboard Red Dwarf, and now Starbug. It’s just that the general day-to-day usually tended to involve running from an insane creature, something exploding, and quite a lot of arguing. Boredom was often just as dangerous. But, so far, today had been lovely.
You had been lying on your bunk for most of the afternoon, a book raised above your head, your arms outstretched in front of you. There wasn’t much to do in the tiny ship; thankfully you’d thought to stock up on activities before you lost Red Dwarf.
When the position grew too tiring, you lowered your arms until your elbows rested on the mattress, the book now too close to be comfortable, but you didn’t mind.
Across the room, at a low table in the centre of the sleeping quarters, Rimmer was sat with his hands inside a perspex box. He’d had it for years apparently. Kryten had found the specifications in the holosuite a few months after he came back to the ship. Rimmer had never really found a lot of use for it. Now, all you had was time, and Rimmer was finally setting some aside to enjoy himself.
Inside the Holo-Box, heavy black gloves covered his hands, allowing Rimmer to gingerly cradle an old-fashioned Airfix model.
As he carefully dabbed a paintbrush against the side of something called a Spitfire, you smiled fondly to yourself.
Yes, it had been a lovely day.
“I’m gonna say it.”
Rimmer didn’t even bother looking up.
“Don’t.”
“I’m gonna.”
“I’m concentrating.”
With a sigh, you turned back to your book.
“I just think you should know-”
“Darling…”
“You’re much artsier than you give yourself credit for!”
Rimmer finally turned his head towards you, very obviously trying hard not to roll his eyes. He’d always been a bit softer with you, and lately he’d been trying harder to be less of a dick, but he still had trouble sometimes.
“This isn’t art,” he said firmly. “This is… Engineering.”
Your fond smile only grew.
“You’re painting model aeroplanes, Arn.”
“Exactly! Aeroplanes. That’s technical stuff!”
He was so determined to ignore any sense of his own creativity, you almost didn’t want to argue with him. Almost.
Plus he looked handsome today, and who were you to argue with Rimmer when he looked so good? His short-sleeved red shirt was enticingly soft, and those braces pulled tight over his broad shoulders constantly played on your mind. Sometimes, you came close to asking him to put his puffy uniform jacket on, because the sight of his lithe forearms and strong chest was almost too much to bear.
“Okay,” You shrugged. “Suit yourself.”
You turned over on the bed so that you lay on your stomach, keeping your book open with your fingertips pressed against the twin swells of its pages.
“But maybe if you explored your creative side rather than berating yourself for not passing exams about things your brain doesn’t compute as well…”
Half-smiling and doing a bad job of hiding it, Rimmer shot you a weary look.
“That’s enough therapy out of you, Lefty. Let me concentrate.”
Grinning, you turned back to your book.
“Yes, dear.”
Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Rimmer’s back straighten, just a little.
There had been a marked shift in his confidence, in the general way he held himself, since your matching confessions that night. You hadn’t noticed it immediately, Rimmer had always been a little gentler about himself when it was you he was talking to, he’d learnt his lesson, so it took you a while to realise the change.
You couldn’t touch him, but there were a thousand other ways to show your affection. So far, you’d discovered that warm words, sweet names, and soft compliments worked the best. They made Rimmer’s shoulders sink, his jaw relax, as if just having someone be kind to him for once in his life was enough to loosen the vice around his chest. And he smiled more now. That was perhaps your favourite thing of all.
You turned your head and watched him work. His brow was furrowed in concentration, his curls falling across his forehead. There, at the corner of his mouth, his tongue was sticking out ever-so-slightly.
You let out a sigh, long and deep, and sank further into the bed. Folding your arms over your book, you rested your head there and silently watched Rimmer work, just enjoying the sight of him relaxed, comfortable, happy.
What you wouldn’t give to run your hands over those strong shoulders, to slip your fingers into the curls at the nape of his neck and tug slightly, just to see what he’d do. You couldn’t help imagining Rimmer’s eyes rolling back into his head, his taut back arching as you slipped into his lap and rocked your hips against his. He really was torture sometimes.
“What’s your book about?”
Your mind still swimming with thoughts of all the lovely sounds Rimmer might make as you grazed your teeth against his neck, it took you a moment to realise what he’d asked
You hummed, trying to cast your mind back. You couldn’t even recall the title of the novel you stole from a chef’s quarters all the way down on C Deck.
“Oh, I don’t know,” you admitted. “I haven’t been concentrating, really.”
“Hm? What were you thinking about?”
“You.”
You beamed at Rimmer when he turned to look at you, surprised.
“Me?”
You hummed, smiling.
“Y’know. What it’ll be like when I finally get to kiss you. Touch you.”
A pink tinge made its way across Rimmer’s cheeks and down his neck, almost blending into his bright red shirt. He visibly gulped, obviously thinking along the same lines as you. Then he looked back down at his model aeroplane, at the lengths he had to go to for something so simple.
“You really believe that’ll happen?” he asked softly.
“Don’t you?”
“I… I’m not sure. I used to. I hope it does.”
Rimmer went quiet then, his gaze still fixed on his model.
You carefully closed your book and slipped off the bed, curling up in the chair beside his instead.
“It will,” you said firmly. “I know it will. And until then, I have a very active imagination.”
To your delight, that made Rimmer glance up. He raised his eyebrows, a smirk tugging gently at the corner of his mouth.
“Is that so?”
You hummed and watched Rimmer’s gaze grow unfocused.
“You just wait. And, I mean, there’s always Better Than Life? I could touch you there, couldn’t I? We could have all sorts of fun.”
You watched, beaming, as his cheeks, then his ears, slowly began to turn bright red. Oh, he was fun. It was almost too easy, but it was fun.
Rimmer was sweet but he would always have a stick up his arse, it’s just how he was raised. Getting a physical reaction out of him, especially when he didn’t even have a proper physical presence, was always a brilliant game.
You leaned over the table a little more, sliding your elbow across its surface and resting there in his eye-line, so that he couldn’t help but look at you.
“Oh, Arnie, you’re blushing.”
“I am not.”
“You are!”
Shaking his head, Rimmer tried very hard to pretend to concentrate on his model.
“I don’t think I can blush.”
“Oh, honey,” You grinned. “You definitely can.”
He shot you another weary look but he was still smiling.
“It’s a lovely idea,” he spoke with an unexpected gentleness. “But I think I’d rather wait.”
“Hm?”
“When I kiss you, I want it to be real. I want to be able to feel you properly.”
The air in the room shifted. Suddenly, you couldn’t remember what you’d been teasing him about.
All around you, outside the emerald, pockmarked hull of your adopted home, galaxies and stars whirled around each other, intertwining and exploding and dying and creating, over and over again. And here, in your stark grey quarters, in the middle of it all, Rimmer wanted to kiss you so badly, he was willing to wait for the impossible.
You watched as his smile grew. Rimmer’s eyes were fixed somewhere near your mouth, any vain attempts to hold your gaze long-forgotten.
Laughing softly, you pressed the backs of your fingers to your cheek.
“You’re going to make me blush.”
“Well, now, there’s a turn up for the books.”
Rimmer looked pleased with himself. Again, you considered how far he’d come. It wasn’t enough just to show him some positive reinforcement. Even when the boys were kind to him, Rimmer either didn’t think he deserved it or refused to believe they were being genuine. It had taken a lot of time, effort, and soft words to cultivate that lovely smile.
“I don’t mind waiting, you know.”
You nodded your head to the side, gesturing for him to remove his right arm from the Holo-Box.
“I love you, Arn. I don’t need anything physical. Even though I am constantly insanely horny.”
As you slipped your hand inside the leather glove, Rimmer gaped at you.
“I really do that to you?”
“Is that so hard to believe?”
“Yes, actually!”
Your fingers now safely nestled inside the thick, sturdy glove, you twisted your wrist and tapped your index finger against the back of Rimmer’s hand.
“Well, you do. I’m always thinking about you.”
He flinched. You couldn’t blame him, it had been so long since he’d been able to touch, Rimmer was probably starting to forget what it felt like.
The Psymoon where you'd first kissed felt a million years ago now. Every second since had been filled with a dull ache, a wistfulness for something you weren’t able to really appreciate at the time.
You could half remember how he tasted, that his lips were soft and that his hands had felt heavy and awkward and painfully endearing as they hung from your hips. It was wonderful, but so quick and full of fear. You’d give anything to have another go.
Slowly, carefully, so as not to overwhelm him, you slipped your hand around Rimmer’s and awkwardly fitted your fingers together, fidgeting left and right until finally, your gloved hands interlaced.
“You should know by now, honey. I’ve got all sorts of ideas,” you said, grinning.
As if transfixed, Rimmer stared at your entwined hands. A muscle, slim and overworked, twitched in his jaw as he swallowed hard.
What it must be like to have no senses to guide you. He couldn’t taste his favourite foods, couldn’t read his favourite books, couldn’t leave Starbug without a hollow tug in his chest.
Ever since you lost Red Dwarf, the fear of shut down had been hanging over your heads. Whenever the old ship met a new threat to its survival, you could feel cold dread seeping through your veins, long after you knew you were safe. And you couldn’t comfort each other.
Worst of all, with everything he’d spat about his family over the years, you didn’t think Rimmer had ever known a gentle touch. And now he finally had someone who wanted to take care of him, to love him, and he couldn’t feel it.
Well, you’d never been one to back down from an argument, and arguing with the universe was about all you had, three million years from home.
Rimmer’s fingers tightened between yours, then folded, his fingertips resting against the back of your hand.
“Better Than Life is looking more and more appealing,” he mused.
You squeezed his hand.
“I think you’re right.”
“Another turn up for the books. Are you sure you’re feeling alright?”
“We should wait,” you went on, laughing softly. “Just think how good it’s going to feel when I finally get to touch you.”
“Oh believe me, I do. Often.” Rimmer raised his eyebrows. “Several times a day.”
That made your heart trip over itself in its hurry.
It wasn’t like you to be shy around Rimmer. He was ridiculous, it was impossible to be intimidated by him or to ever feel like you didn’t have the upper hand. You could tease him all you liked, annoy him, laugh with him, but it was all a distraction from just how much you really, properly fancied the pants off him. And as embarrassing as it was, sometimes he did manage to fluster you.
It was rare that you’d admit it, though. Somehow, Rimmer managed to maintain a massive ego despite also carrying more self-hatred than anyone you’d ever met. He was complicated, but loving him wasn’t, and neither was finding him so stupidly fit, it did seem like some kind of cosmic karma that you couldn’t shove him onto his back and ride him till the bunk’s slats snapped.
But then something Lister had once suggested popped into your head. It had seemed stupid at the time, back when you were sure there was more chance of Kryten fancying you than Rimmer. But now…
“Well, you know,” You squeezed his hand again, finding the gloves awkward and uncomfortable, but you were grateful all the same. “We can’t touch each other but… We can touch ourselves. That could be fun.”
Rimmer looked like he might pass out, then suddenly he was beaming like a kid at Christmas.
“You mean… You’d want to..?”
“Yes, Arnie.” You leaned closer until your nose was almost pressed against his, your lips forced to stay just millimetres from touching. “I want you.”
You meant to say ‘to’. I want to. But ‘you’ was more accurate anyway, and it made Rimmer’s eyes slide shut with a sigh.
You watched his chest rise and fall heavily beneath his scarlet shirt, watched the fingers of his free hand tighten over the curve of his knee.
When he finally opened his eyes again, they were clouded with a kind of frustration you’d both come to accept. This was life now. Loving but never touching.
“So,” You smiled as you tilted your head the other way, your gaze fixed on Rimmer’s mouth. “Are you going to come back to bed with me, love? Or are you going to keep playing with your aeroplane all on your own?”
Rimmer stood up so fast, you were sure he would’ve knocked the table over if he’d been able to.
At exactly the same moment, a shrieking alarm pierced through the thick atmosphere, tearing it in two.
Rimmer groaned.
“Smegging hell.”
The lights flickered, then died altogether with a sickening whoosh.
You whipped around, your heart in your mouth. For a moment, you were back on the Atalanta, terrified and alone. But Rimmer’s voice sparked like a Catherine wheel in the dark. You followed the sound of your name, half blind with fear, until he’d brought you back to reality.
The lights blinked back to life, unsteady and anaemic, but enough to see by as you charged through to Starbug’s tiny cockpit, where the others were already seated.
“What’s going on?” you asked breathlessly.
“Swirly thing alert!
Cat was at the main joystick, while Lister jabbed at the communications and navigation controls.
“Where?” he asked, frantically searching for something, anything, out there in the dark.
Cat shook his head.
“It’s not on the radar yet but I can smell it.”
Kryten took his place at the rear, overseeing the shipboard systems and long-range sensors. You stayed in the doorway, watching over Rimmer’s shoulder as his short-range sensor readers remained blank.
“Nothing here,” he reported back.
“Nothing on long-range,” Kryten agreed. “Sir, is it possible you could have made a mis-smelling?
Immediately and predictably, they fell about arguing. As Cat took umbrage at Kryten’s suggestion, Rimmer and Lister began to bicker over whether stepping up to Blue Alert was worth the effort of flicking the switch.
Still stuck in the gangway without a seat, you clutched the doorframe, your arms out at your sides like a bird in flight, and prayed that whatever was out there would just bugger off so you could go back to seducing your boyfriend. One day of peace, was that really too much to ask for?
“Wait!” Kryten suddenly cried. “I've got something. I'm punching it up.”
Leaning over Rimmer to see his monitor better, you held your breath.
Set against the stars and the endless cold night, a bright orange streak ricocheted across the screen. If there hadn’t been so many alarms flaring, you might’ve thought it was a comet.
“Too small for a vessel,” Lister said. “Maybe some kind of missile?”
“A missile?” You frowned. “Who would fire a missile at us? We’re in the middle of nowhere.”
Kryten shook his head.
“It's impossible to tell at this range. Whatever it is, they clearly have a technology way in advance of our own!”
“So do the Albanian State Washing Machine Company.”
Working as a team, Lister and Cat steered Starbug out of harm’s way. The little ship groaned as it suddenly jerked onto a different path but did as it was told.
You gripped the back of Rimmer’s chair, your gaze fixed on the monitor.
“Arn…”
He looked up at you, his jaw set. You could see he was frightened but he forced a grim smile.
You hadn’t told the others yet. It wasn’t a concious thought, you just didn't act any differently around each other and the boys hadn’t noticed. You weren’t sure if that said more about how long you’d so obviously been infatuated with each other, or about their observational skills.
He wanted to comfort you but there wasn’t time. You wanted to kiss Rimmer’s cheek and tell him he was doing well, but you couldn’t. Instead, you shared a thin smile and prayed this wouldn’t be it.
“You should buckle in, darling.” He nodded back into Starbug’s hold, where there were plenty of safer places to stand. “This might get-”
As if to prove his point, the ship rolled to the left, throwing you against the doorframe.
Instinctively, uselessly, Rimmer’s hand shot out to grab yours.
“It's still with us!” Lister cried. “It's some kind of heat-seeker. We can't outrun it!”
The ship rocked again, then heaved a sickly groan as it veered onto yet another course.
Rimmer looked pale.
“What on Io was that?”
“Some kind of suction beam. We're being dragged down!”
//
Next Chapter
Master List
21 notes · View notes
wu-sisyphus-gang · 2 days
Text
Jaune: Your dad stopped by the house while you were gone.
Ruby: Oh?
Jaune: Yeah. Said he wanted to make some impressions on the kids while they're young
Ruby: Did you let him?
Jaune: Did I have a reason to stop him? Yeah I let him. He seems like the type who is willing to help out even with the gross parts of being a parent.
Ruby: You two...
Jaune: We could butt heads very easily over some pretty important stuff. The way I'm raising my kids. The way I'm treating you. He even got in my face about the right way to raise little girls. Even gave me an 'or else.' But it came from a good place so I tolerated it.
Ruby: The right way to raise little girls... Does he know?
Jaune: I figure you can answer that. Does he?
Ruby: Hm...
Weiss: I want another baby.
Jaune:
Ruby: But you want to do in vitro to make sure you have a girl?
Weiss: Yes. I do want that.
Jaune: I... *They look at him, he rolls his eyes* First of all I'm going to grant your wishes. You don't need to worry about that. I was just going to ask if you're sure you wanted two. Because this plan for six has me at my limits. This bad boy is cooked.
Weiss: Yes. Two is my limit. All my life I always thought I wanted one.
Jaune: Okay. If you're looking for me to say 'yes' I'm saying 'yes'.
Weiss: You don't always have to say 'yes' to us. You know.
Jaune: I literally cannot say 'no' to you two. Even when I probably should. A bit of a weakness of mine.
Ruby: We'll see if I ever get to four.
Jaune: No shot. I give you a year after your third and you'll saddle up to me with those gorgeous silver eyes, look up at me, and say 'I want another one.'
Ruby: Hey.
Weiss: No bet. I give her half a year tops. I have to keep convincing her to give her body time to recover. She already wants another one.
Ruby: Hey! Look at Nebel and Garnet! They're adorable.
Jaune: Anyway I trust you when you say you're ready for another one.
41 notes · View notes
jennyboom21 · 2 days
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
In 2023 actor Sophia Bush made headlines when she filed for divorce one year after a storybook wedding. By the fall it was public knowledge that she was in a new relationship. With a woman. The internet seemed to be foaming at the digital mouth for a scandal, but to those who knew her, it was clear she’d never been more herself. Here, in her own words, Bush speaks to the power of finally learning to listen to her intuition.
In April of 2022 I was close to calling off my wedding. Instead of running away, I doubled down on being a model wife. In 2023 my now ex-husband posted a lovely tribute to our first anniversary on Instagram. When I saw it, I felt the blood drain from my face. Fans and friends were telling me how exciting this milestone was and how happy I looked. I felt nothing. Things hadn’t been easy at home, but everyone says marriage is hard, right? As the day wore on, I felt mounting pressure from strangers online waiting for me to post something—what a strange part of public life to have to navigate—so I sat myself down and chose a picture.
It was a black-and-white photograph of us running away from the camera. Yes, I see the bittersweet irony now. I wrote a really nice story about the people in that picture. Except it was just that: a story. I typed something about how incredibly happy I was and tried to drown out the familiar voice in my head. Make it look easy. Make it look perfect. If your smile is shiny enough, maybe no one will notice that up close all of your teeth are broken. But sometimes broken is just broken.
I hit post. And then I walked into the bathroom and threw up.
I believe in people and ideas so deeply—and those feelings are often so powerful to me—that I hadn’t realized I’d spent the last two decades moving through life showing up for others but often turning my back on myself. This time things felt different. Maybe it’s just cold feet, I told myself. Maybe I was too sensitive. Maybe this was the feeling you get when you settle down later in life and have to make space for another person. There have been moments in my life when it feels like the universe is screaming at me to pay attention. This was one of them, but I didn’t listen.
I kept repeating the adages we all know so well: Relationships are hard. Marriage takes compromise. You know the rest. And so I got married. We threw one of the greatest wedding weekends ever. We had an amazing time with our closest friends and family. It was truly one of the best parties I’ve ever been to, and we raised a ton of money for charity. I don’t regret any of that.
But after the wedding I found myself in the depths and heartbreak of the fertility process, which was the most clarifying experience of my life. It feels like society is finally making space for brutally honest conversations about how hard and painful any fertility journey is, but I kept mine private. I was trying to get through months of endless ultrasounds, hormone shots, so many blood draws that I have scar tissue in my veins, and retrieval after retrieval, while simultaneously realizing the person I had chosen to be my partner didn’t necessarily speak the same emotional language I did.
As I lost track of how many examination tables I had lain on alone, I felt something in me seismically shift. Six months into that journey, I think I knew deep down that I absolutely had made a mistake. It would take my head and heart a while longer to understand what my bones already knew.
And that’s why, when I got an opportunity to do a play in London, I had to go. I had to get out of our house. I had to get onstage. I had to get back in my body. Maybe that could shift things. Maybe that would jump-start the joy I’d been chasing. The play slowly began to put me back together. It was grueling, and it was also the most exhilarating experience. I loved every second of it.
But the book doesn’t lie. The body does, in fact, keep the score. When half of our company went down with a virus, everyone recovered fast except for me. I continued to decline. I would put every fiber of my being into my performance onstage, and then be packed in bags of ice as soon as the curtain closed. I spent multiple nights in the hospital, I was pumped with endless amounts of fluids, I underwent cardiac testing and organ monitoring. It was clear that my body was screaming and I had to listen. It was hard for me to accept. I was part of a team. But I needed to go home, where my doctors (and, truthfully, my health insurance) could get a better handle on my symptoms. My time in London was over. So was my marriage. It all came crashing down at once.
During the summer of 2023, I moved back into my empty home in LA. I was separated and preparing to file for divorce, and groups of women in my life started opening up about issues they were going through in their own homes. It seemed like every week there were more of us, including [former US soccer player] Ashlyn [Harris], whom I’d first met in 2019 and who was in the process of figuring out her own split from her wife. She’d been such a kind ear for those of us who opened up about our problems during a shared weekend of speaking engagements at a fancy conference in Cannes, and soon it became clear that she needed our ears too.
For those of us who had no solution in sight or Hail Marys left, having this community changed everything. We really wrapped one another up in support. It was tragic and hard. But it was also beautiful. There were moments of incredible sadness because no one signs up to get married thinking it’ll end. The days when we knew people needed to laugh, we sent inspirational memes and silly TikToks. We read books written by great therapists and shared emo quotes from poets. Our “Begin Again” Amazon shopping list, which we created for the ones moving out and starting over, has now been forwarded to so many other women.
I didn’t expect to find love in this support system. I don’t know how else to say it other than: I didn’t see it until I saw it. And I think it’s very easy not to see something that’s been in front of your face for a long time when you’d never looked at it as an option and you had never been looked at as an option. What I saw was a friend with her big, happy life. And now I know she thought the same thing about me.
It really took other people in our safe support bubble pointing out to me how we’d finish each other’s sentences or be deeply affected by the same things. When you’re so in the trenches of hardship—plus you have the added weight of having to go through it on a public stage—it can be hard to see anything but what’s right in front of you.
It took me confronting a lot of things, what felt like countless sessions of therapy, and some prodding from loved ones, but eventually I asked Ashlyn to have a non-friend-group hang to talk about it.
And that meal was four and a half hours long and truly one of the most surreal experiences of my life thus far. In hindsight, maybe it all had to happen slowly and then suddenly all at once. Maybe it was all fated. Maybe it really is a version of invisible string theory. I don’t really know. But I do know that for a sparkly moment I felt like maybe the universe had been conspiring for me. And that feeling that I have in my bones is one I’ll hold on to no matter where things go from here.
But there was a lot that quickly turned ugly too. People looking in from the outside weren’t privy to just how much time it took, how many painful conversations were had. A lot of effort was made to be graceful with other people’s processing, their time and obligations, and their feelings. What felt like seconds after I started to see what was in front of me, the online rumor mill began to spit in the ugliest ways. There were blatant lies. Violent threats. There were accusations of being a home-wrecker. The ones who said I’d left my ex because I suddenly realized I wanted to be with women—my partners have known what I’m into for as long as I have (so that’s not it, y’all, sorry!).
The idea that I left my marriage based on some hysterical rendezvous—that, to be crystal-clear, never happened—rather than having taken over a year to do the most soul crushing work of my life? Rather than realizing I had to be the most vulnerable I’ve ever been, on a public stage, despite being terrified to my core? It feels brutal. Just because I didn’t want to process my realizations in real time on social media and spell them out for the world doesn’t mean the journey wasn’t long and thoughtful and exhaustive.
It’s painful to be doing deep work and have it picked apart by clueless strangers. Everyone that matters to me knows what’s true and what isn’t. But even still there’s a part of me that’s a ferocious defender, who wants to correct the record piece by piece. But my better self, with her earned patience, has to sit back and ask, What’s the fucking point? For who? For internet trolls? No, thank you. I’ll spend my precious time doing things I love instead.
I don’t believe it’s my place to discuss details of Ashlyn’s circumstances or her children, but I will say that I am absolutely in awe of her relentless integrity. The way she prioritizes and centers her kids, not only in her life but in the core of her being, is breathtaking to behold. Falling in love with her has sutured some of my own childhood wounds, and made me so much closer to my own mother. Seeing Ashlyn choose to not simply survive, but thrive, for her babies has been the most beautiful thing I’ve ever witnessed a friend do. And now I get to love her. How lucky am I?
I sort of hate the notion of having to come out in 2024. But I’m deeply aware that we are having this conversation in a year when we’re seeing the most aggressive attacks on the LGBTQIA+ community in modern history. There were more than 500 anti-LGBTQIA+ bills proposed in state legislatures in 2023, so for that reason I want to give the act of coming out the respect and honor it deserves. I’ve experienced so much safety, respect, and love in the queer community, as an ally all of my life, that, as I came into myself, I already felt it was my home. I think I’ve always known that my sexuality exists on a spectrum. Right now I think the word that best defines it is queer. I can’t say it without smiling, actually. And that feels pretty great.
Would I have liked to make the public part of this journey a choice for myself, and not have it taken from my lips and set ablaze by gossip blogs and bottom-feeder online bots? Of course. I’m very aware, though, as we discuss bullying and harassment and being outed without consent—that I’m incredibly lucky this happened in my adulthood. I really love who I am, at this age and in this moment. I’m so lucky that my parents, having spent time with Ash over the holidays, said, “Well, this finally looks right.” I know it could have gone differently.
We’ve all learned about kids who have taken their own life after being outed or who have been killed simply for being who they are in a place or time that is threatened by their expressed joy. I am so lucky to be here, now. I have real joy. It took me 41 years to get here. And while I marvel at it, I will also make space for people’s pain. But I will not carry anyone’s projected shame. When I take stock of the last few years, I can tell you that I have never operated out of more integrity in my life. I hope that’s clear enough for everyone speculating out there, while being as gentle as I possibly can be.
After the news became public, my mom told me that one of her friends called her and said, “Well, this can’t be true. I mean, your daughter isn’t gay.” My mom felt that it was obvious, from the way her friend emphasized the word, that she meant it judgmentally. And you know what my mom said? “Oh honey, I think she’s pretty gay. And she’s happy.”
I finally feel like I can breathe. I don't think I can explain how profound that is. I feel like I was wearing a weighted vest for who knows how long. I hadn’t realized how heavy it was until I finally just put it down. This might sound crazy—but I think other people in trauma recovery will get it—I am taking deep breaths again. I can feel my legs and feet. I can feel my feet in my shoes right now. It makes me want to cry and laugh at the same time.
It is so, so scary to do the brave thing, to say, “I’m just not happy.” Especially if you’re in a partnership and you have to say it first. But if you do it, you get the chance to be happy. To find your joy. I turned 41 last summer, amid all of this, and I heard the words I was saying to my best friend as they came out of my mouth. “I feel like this is my first birthday,” I told her. This year was my very first birthday.
15 notes · View notes
stonerhog · 2 days
Text
I’m getting my first testosterone shot today and I’m sooooooo excited
I’ve been on T for about a year an a half now but I’ve been using gel and finally got around to getting my shots organised in time for a couple of big holidays this year. I will miss my goo but I’m soooooo excited to have shots and let the skin on my arms recover from alcohol gel application every day lmao
16 notes · View notes
playitagainmyjohnny · 1 month
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
happy six years, far cry 5 🖤
65 notes · View notes
fuckingguide · 2 years
Video
They ain’t even looking at you, baby, they looking at me | Guillermo de la Cruz + Looking At Me by Sabrina Carpenter
1K notes · View notes
oatbugs · 2 months
Text
my research partner and i are huddled in a blanket in paddington waiting for a too-late train i already miss you and you and you
#he keeps falling asleep almost on my shoulder and waking up and readjusting but i want to tell him its ok weve seen a lot#of each other ive seen your brainwaves you called me crying a few nights ago. research partner right now is a potentiality#friend is a certainty. i met a banker passionate about finance. he said his advice made the lives of others better and he likes the numbers#more than he likes anything else. on a high rise near canary wharf the view was wonderful and the people even moreso#he said i loved her but i spent 33 grand on her and i cant do this anymore. his voice cracked talking about her. he did love her.#and she talked softly she grabbed my hand she bought me a pack of Marlborough gold she told me to snap#the russian menthol cigarettes of the tortured polish man near us with my teeth i kept staring at her teeth#bright white and sharp. i couldnt find her heartbeat but i did find warmth and i did find her lips and i did feel#how she felt pressed against a wall. a pretty boy held my hand and i gave him my number. i couldnt stop smiling about her no matter#how many runways youve walked on how many collections youve designed how many students youve taught. senior lecturer teaches me how to do#very unethical things ethically over a double shot of vodka made by the half-persian with broken farsi. she talks softly#and she says her eyes are hazel but they appear a shade of red. pure gold on her hands and leather on her back and her fingers on my lips#(she talks softly sees through me she says something i cant hear but i wont forget the way she flies) she talked to my research partner#about the possibility of moving to sunny dubai with the rest of her family and my heart felt pierced. on her arm i traces a tattoo of a#knife passing through a rose. she told me she thought there was romance in severing so i kissed her some more.#he sat me down and asked me what i loved and i told him and he said no romance no person no tragedy will take that from you.#the room was filled with a collection of people in love with something that wasnt a person and i kept looking at her.#red eyes bitten jawline beautiful hands. it is 3 degrees Celsius my head is on his shoulder i miss my friends#we walked out the lecture hall with arms linked a photo of two years ago and we both said#jesus christ. i miss you all. and i miss logic metatheory lectures. im glad i get to stare at the depth of your eyes#i wish i had met you years ago.#crushposting
41 notes · View notes
threestarsinline · 1 month
Text
People, the moment has come. Check. This. Out. A bookshop. Where the reader works. Jason being a cutie. Lots of pining. And even more fluff. This Saturday. Get ready. (And yes, you are getting all of it, the two parts of the one-shot the same day, enjoyyy)
51 notes · View notes
raiiny-bay · 5 months
Text
:-)
Tumblr media
28 notes · View notes