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#Yusuf x reader
demigoddessqueens · 4 months
Note
“maybe, in another life” kisses
(I love angst what can I say?)
Thank you for the ask Em!! And you’re so right! so of course I had to pick one
➡️ HERE ON MASTERLIST 9
↪️ Writing prompt HERE
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You had some gut feeling about this mission but you couldn’t find the words for it
Both Yusuf and you had been a part of the Brotherhood, given that you two had met within ranks in the first place
But this one time you wanted to be selfish, even if the oh great Ezio needed Yusuf by his side.
“I will be safe, my love, you have nothing to worry about, sevigilim”
Still, you were not yet reassured.
You pour everything into your kiss, gripping onto his robes, clinging to those dark locks that frame his face along with your hands. Yusuf can sense your desperation and gives in as well, soothing any fears you have about his departure
“I will come back to you.”
That memory replays constantly in your mind as you look to the empty space on the side of your bed
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romancingromanoff · 9 months
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Secrets & Sketches
Andromache the Scythian x f!reader
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I decided to create a series of loosely related one shots for Andromache (my beloved). Here’s part 1 and part 2
Summary: You were always staring at her, not knowing she was staring back.
TW: None?
Word count: +5,100
Author's Note: Hi y'all. Here's some slightly domestic fluff before the action happens and the stakes skyrocket through the roof.
Despite never having lived with four strangers before, it turned out that your new situation offered you far more privacy than you had ever experienced while living with your mother.
The woman had a compulsive need to control every aspect of your life, from what you wore to what you ate. You were barely even safe in the bathroom. The years had taught you to lie with your words and carefully crafted smiles. Knowing what she wanted to hear from you and how you could appease her temper was like mastering a second language. Your skills in the craft became more and more refined throughout the years and your confidence ultimately grew. But you underestimated your mother and made the greatest mistake of them all.
“I know you’re lying to me! What are you trying to hide from me, you ungrateful whore?”
A picture frame nearly collided with your head, chipping the door frame instead of scratching your face. The glass shattered on the floor and your body jumped twice, once at the sound and another time when your eyes settled on the damage and found that your favorite childhood photo with your grandmother was destroyed. 
“Whatever you did, I will find out! You cannot lie to me, I am your mother!”
It was one afternoon you had wanted all to yourself to go see the movie Roman Holiday after school. The charismatic Audrey Hepburn, riding on a Vespa with the largest smile you had ever seen, caused strange feelings to stir in your stomach when you had first watched the trailer. She was a princess masquerading as a commoner in order to freely experience the wonders of the Eternal City. Oh, how you envied her character. Your mother, however, could only focus on how short her hair was. The shortest your hair had ever been was when you were a fresh newborn. Once it grew past your upper back, you were never allowed to cut it, despite all the other girls you knew being able to short styles. 
“How disappointing.” She scoffed when a clip of her getting her haircut played. “Such a beautiful young woman and she wants to make herself look like a man? I really don’t understand your generation, you’re all confused.”
When you arrived home late that evening, she refused to believe the lie you had produced about giving some tutoring lessons after school. It was only two days later that she found the proof she wanted. While snooping through your journal she came across the movie ticket you had pasted next to your latest entry. She burned the entire thing as only one portion of your punishment.
How your mother could predict your actions, anticipate your every move, and see through every single one of your lies you did not know. It was like she knew you and how your mind functioned but could never truly understand how suffocated you felt by the twisted ways she expressed her “love” for you. She was your mother, the closest kin you had left after your grandmother’s passing and the woman that had known you for your entire existence. The fact that she birthed you was one she’d never let you forget, yet you knew she would spend your entire life trying to mold you into something you weren’t if she could. If she could never accept you then how could anybody else?
Then you met Andy, who always seemed to be in tune with whatever you were thinking. Hell, she could practically guess your thoughts word for word without even really trying, yet not once did it ever feel like she was violating your mind as your mother had. You were almost completely certain that she was fully aware of the times when you were drawing her. It was impossible not to see the art in her movements. She’d be doing something mundane yet slightly active such as washing the dishes and you’d pull your sketchbook out. The moment you put pencil to paper she would slow down ever-so-slightly. A plate that needed maybe two wipes suddenly took four or more to clean. She must have known what she was doing to you, softly smirking as she folded laundry 
But did she know what it was doing to you? How intensely you felt about her and as more than just an art subject, more than someone you merely admired. Pages full of sketches, varying in detail and design, became dedicated to capturing the alluring domestic side of the ancient warrior. Every angle, every shadow was carefully reconstructed (to the best of your ability anyway) as if to preserve each moment and time so that your eyes may never forget what she looked like chopping onions on a rainy Tuesday evening. A brief moment that might be incredibly insignificant for a being that has walked the earth for thousands of years, but one that was still so precious to you. The time you spent together, even the moments everyone else might consider to be dull, were filled with color all because of her.
Why she allowed you to draw her so frequently was something you couldn’t quite figure out. This rather untraditional dance the two of you engaged in was never spoken about in words. There was no doubt that Andy would have said something much earlier had she been uncomfortable being drawn by you. A part of you enjoyed entertaining the idea that, perhaps in some small way, Andy might actually return your feelings. But at the same time, you didn’t want to be wrong and come off as an artistic creep trying to invade her privacy.
The good thing was you never had to worry about any of the others looking through your sketchbook. The one time Joe had asked if he could take a peek it hadn’t even crossed your mind that you could have said ‘no’ to him. But the smallest bit of hesitance that he had seen in your eyes as you prepared to hand over your most personal and sacred treasure immediately stopped him.
“Y/N, you don’t actually have to show me anything if you don’t want to. I was merely curious but no part of me would be offended if you want to keep your art to yourself. I will always respect your privacy first.”
His words were almost foreign to you, like ones you had only ever read on pages and later discovered were pronounced completely differently when you finally heard them spoken out loud. Still, you knew Joe meant everything he said. Though all of your new companions were certainly capable of it, none of them had ever once tried to deceive you or keep you hidden from the truth. Previously living with a pathological liar had taught you all the signs you needed to know and not once had you found a single one since joining the old guard.
It was a bit startling how safe you already felt with these few strangers you had only met a few short weeks ago. You could talk to all of them about (almost) anything, although you did worry that your endless amount of questions might annoy any one of the unnaturally older beings. Sometimes you nearly cringed at the thought of how ignorant and stupid you must have appeared in their eyes. It mostly motivated you to contribute where you could. Cooking and cleaning were not tasks you necessarily enjoyed, but it felt nice to make some type of contribution to the team. Still, you longed to prove yourself as something more, to help save lives and make Andy, Booker, Joe, and Nico proud. And maybe, just maybe, if you became worthy enough of someone like your rescuer, she might look at you differently.
┊ ┊┊ 
It was nearing morning hours and your endless thoughts hadn’t allowed you to sleep yet. There was a buzzing in your body, making it impossible to fully relax, even though you knew you had a busy day of training ahead of you and you needed the rest. You tried to conjure up the comforting sound of Andy’s steady heartbeat as you imagined her lying next to you, only to grow even more anxious when you began feeling guilty for indulging in such thoughts. 
Did she even like women the way you did? You certainly had your suspicions and noticed the way her heart seemed to break anytime there was a mention of Quynh. The necklace that never left her neck also appeared to hold a great amount of pain and significance to her. But even if you were right, Andy had never brought up any details regarding her love life and you were determined to respect that undiscussed boundary. The tossing and turning was just an unfortunate side effect that eventually had you cave in and get up to grab a drink from the kitchen. 
“Can’t sleep?” The voice of the very person you had been thinking of came from behind you as soon as you had turned on a small lamp. You let out a nervous laugh and kept a steady hand on your chest when you caught her smiling directly at you. It made you take some extra time while getting your glass of water so that your heartbeat had a chance to settle.
Andy sat at the bar sipping on a mug of coffee. Even with the light being so dim, you didn’t need it to tell her beverage was completely black. 
“I still don’t know how you’re able to drink that. Every time I try it it’s like trying to swallow hot liquid dirt.”
“Really?” The Scythian chuckled and you prayed the darkness would hide your melted expression. “That’s surprising considering how you drown yours in milk and sugar.”
“Hey, we can’t all be as tough as you.” 
“No one said you had to be. No one said you weren’t already.” You supposed you were tough in the context of being able to override death itself, but besides that, it wasn’t a character trait you ever considered yourself to have. Even the immortality thing was basically a fluke. 
The dark haired woman gestured for you to sit down and you awkwardly lowered yourself into the chair across from her. Your glass of water looked silly standing next to her more refined drink. “Yeah, that’s me. I got tough hands covered in paper cuts and callouses from drawing.”
“Art is tough for a lot of people. It’s tough for me. I could never quite get the emotional vulnerability part down and I feel like all the best art pulls from that. I would say you could probably teach me a thing or two about drawing but you have something more inborn than that. It can’t be taught.”
“But you’ve never seen my work?” Had she? You didn’t think she’d go through your things without your permission but there was definiteness in her tone that told you her words were true. 
“No,” she shrugged. Nothing in her seemed to waver. “I don’t need to. There’s this look you get in your eyes when you’re completely focused on drawing that seems to transport you to this different world. I always wonder where you go but don’t want to tear you away when you’re clearly inspired.”
You had been staring at her for so long believing that she was merely tolerating your strange behavior. You assumed she simply felt unbothered. The idea that she might have been secretly staring back never once crossed your mind. 
“You… You watch me?” A beat passed and your brain short circuited, unsure of what kind of answer you even hoped to hear. If she did then was it with the same unspoken desire you held in your heart that you could be worthy of her one day? No, it had to be something far from that. Your awkward, uncoordinated behavior could only be considered entertaining at best if Andy didn’t find you pitiable. You imagined it was like watching your neighbor’s beagle after they arrived home from a medical procedure at the vet. The poor thing was so loopy yet unaware that he couldn’t walk in a straight line. Every few steps he took he’d also crumble to the floor before eagerly trying to get back up and making another attempt with the same results. That’s what she must see whenever she saw you trip over your own feet. Or how silly you looked the other day when Booker tried to show you how to hold a pistol and you shook so hard that it fumbled out of your hands.
Even with all the time in the world, it was a struggle to see yourself ever truly earning your place among the rest of the guard one day. You not only lacked combat experience but had been thoroughly sheltered from the world by your mother. She hadn’t allowed you to participate in any sports, not even the more feminine ones like dance or golf. The result was barely being able to do a push-up and having the wind knocked out of your lungs after only a brief jog. 
The others had started you off with some basic self defense techniques, which caused you to wake up with sore muscles you hadn’t even known existed. Everyone was extremely patient with you, stressing the importance of slowly building up your strength and reminding you that there was no rush to suddenly reach their skill level when they’d been fighting for longer than some of the strongest empires had lasted. But then you’d watch them training together or listen to one of them recount several of the missions they completed while you were stuck waiting in the safe house. They were out there saving lives, as well as literally sacrificing their own, while you could only hope to one day do the same. 
In the back of your head you could hear your mother berating you for having such ridiculous dreams. If she could see you struggling to learn a pull up she would certainly laugh at your miserable attempts. But Andy didn’t look at you like you were “perfectly pathetic” as your mother often described. No, she seemed to stare at you softly, which made you feel like you were the only person she was thinking about. 
“I find you interesting. More specifically, it’s been a pleasure to watch you grow into yourself these past few weeks. You look much more relaxed.”
You were fairly relaxed, aside from the fact that your heart was currently threatening to jump out of your chest. Or if physicists could somehow harness its energy then it could power the entire world. She had just admitted to finding you interesting and you were supposed to answer back in words. You took a painfully slow drink.
“Well, it has been nice being able to make my own decisions and not have someone constantly looking over my shoulder.” You think back to an instance where you were recently baking a lemon glaze cake for the team and some icing stuck to your fingers. Immediately, you went to wash your hands as your mother would have insisted upon when it occurred to you that she no longer had control over you. Licking your fingers after that had never felt so satisfying. “Even the little choices I’m able to make now are kind of exciting. Is that strange to say?”
“Not at all.” Andy shook her head. “It’s a beautiful thing, seeing how far you’ve come in such a short amount of time. Not to mention how glad I am that you feel safe enough around us to be yourself.”
A pang of guilt ran through you. What must she think of you if you were keeping cryptic drawings of her a secret? “I really do, which is why I don’t want you to believe I’m trying to hide things from you! Not forever, at least. I trust you, and perhaps it’s more than I’ve ever trusted anyone else. But with my drawings… I suppose it’s rather complicated and I’ve never willingly shown them to anyone before. They’re nothing inappropriate, though! I would never do anything like that.”
Before you could completely melt into a puddle of despair, Andy reached for your forearm, anchoring the two of you together while helping to calm you down. Her hand was warmed from holding her hot mug.
“Hey, it’s alright, I trust you too. You don’t need to explain yourself to me. I’m flattered about the drawings and it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. I can wait until you’re ready to show them to me when you feel comfortable doing so.”
It was completely vexatious how patient Andy could be with you, or how she always seemed to know the right thing to say to make you feel better. She possessed the ability to soothe the fears you understood intimately along with the others which you had tried to suppress and nearly forgotten about. You simply weren’t used to being treated in such a way. 
“How are you so patient with me all the time?” Your question came off more irritated than you intended, making you cringe inwardly. You weren’t even sure what you were really asking about.
In the few moments it took Andy to start processing the question, your thoughts finally began to come together and spill out all at once.
“I’m deeply appreciative of how understanding you’ve been, don’t get me wrong, but when I imagine myself in your position, it must be frustrating. You do so much for me, all four of you do, but you especially. I’m always needing your help with countless things even though I have nothing of use to offer in return. You’re all incredibly worldly people, capable of doing more than I ever have even before your first deaths. I’ve been kept sheltered my entire life and probably wouldn’t last a day on my own. Having me join the team probably feels a lot more like babysitting than anything else, yet you never complain about it.”
Even though you knew it wasn’t in her nature, sometimes you wished she would allow herself to be angry with you. Or if she even expressed the slightest bit of irritation then that might make you feel better somehow. You waited for Andy to tell you that you sounded ridiculous, or to make another comment about your tendency to overthink things. Nothing like that ever came.
In one swift, breathtaking movement, her hand carefully tilted your chin up towards her face so that you were caught in her stare. The skin of her thumb was rough and her green-blue eyes bore into your own, tender yet determined as they searched for something deep in your soul. Though her touch was completely innocent, it was also intensely intimate from your perspective at least. You wanted to bear your entire being to her, consciously preparing your mind and body to take in whatever words she was about to say.
“Y/N, listen to me. There is nothing you owe me. Relationships aren’t transactional and I enjoy being able to help you. You also didn’t choose this life and I can’t hold what you don’t know against you. I won’t lie and say patience comes to me easily. Truthfully, when you get to my age everything is frustrating. I’ve seen… far too much in my life aside from any type of explanation for it all and it has made me bitter. But you don’t deserve any of that and I don’t want to be that type of person anymore. I don’t ever want to turn my back on people I care about again.”
Her eyes glossed over with the hue of a haunting memory, something from her past clearly bothering her. She let go of you in the crest of the emotion and you nearly whimpered when you lost her touch, but found the rare opportunity to offer Andy the comfort she needed. 
“I may not know much in the grand scheme of things, but I know you’re not bitter. Truly bitter people try to tear down everyone around them because there’s nothing misery loves more than company. You’re nothing like my mother, she wanted to control me and keep me trapped in a life where I could never have my own happiness. You set me free. Anyway, it would be hard to live as long as you have, see the things that you’ve seen, and not become discouraged with all of the wickedness that has happened throughout history. What matters is that you’ve continued to fight for others that wouldn’t normally stand a chance on their own. If you were actually as bitter as you think, you could turn your back on everyone without a single care in the world. I see how much you care for others, Andy. Bitter people only care about themselves and I don’t see how you can believe you’re one of them.”
The fact that you were so young was partially why Andy felt the need to hold herself back and take things slow with you. Although your life would never be normal, she wanted to give you the chance to choose your own path and chase whatever dreams you fancied. Right now, it was crucial to prepare you for the world and to teach you how to keep your shared secret safe. But she knew you’d want to adventure out on your own at some point, and that you’d probably want to experiment with other partners closer to your age. Andy was aware of the baggage she carried, as well as the fact that the nature of your relationship meant she held a type of influence over you. She would never allow herself to take advantage of you like that.
But one thing she couldn’t let you do was downplay yourself, not when your words touched her in ways she hadn’t felt in thousands of years.
“Do you really believe you’re of no use at all and have nothing to offer? Y/N, I’ve traveled to every corner of the world and met the wisest individuals that still led directionless and unfulfilled lives. They thought of themselves too highly, pushed others away, and in the end their knowledge meant nothing when they were unable to make meaningful connections. You have all the time you need to perfect your knowledge and learn every skill that exists or will develop in the future.” 
Your head tilted in perplexity. 
“What? You think we had phones or electricity back when I was growing up? I didn’t learn how to drive a car until late last century. It was really like the blind leading the blind in those early days.”
Imagining a Victorian era Andy accidentally crashing a motorized carriage or angrily shaking her fist at experimental drivers from atop of her horse was certainly entertaining. You wondered if the two of you would ever share a similar experience together.
Temporarily distracted by your smile, Andy nearly forgot the importance of the message she was trying to convey to you. 
“Y/N, you’re right that you’ve never really been given the chance to grow before all of this. None of that was your fault. The wonderful thing now is that you’re on your way to becoming smarter, like anybody else can when given the right tools. What you already have, your emotional strength and intelligence, is far more rare and valuable in my eyes. You teach me to look at things from a different perspective even when I’ve felt stuck in my ways for hundreds of years. Don’t overlook how much of an impact you can make or how much we all appreciate you.”
“Andy… I… Thank you.” You try not to cry, though you know she wouldn’t judge you if you did. Viewing your emotions as a strength is something that you never considered before. They were always a weakness back when you experienced nothing but misery, and now everything couldn’t be more different. Your new life was full of evenings spent getting tipsy and laughing at the stories your friends told you of places and times that sounded unreal. It was wanting the taste of more, the promise of the adventures that lay before you and the people you would get to share them with. It was a life you could hardly believe was real and you got to spend every single day with a woman that made your heart race with a single smile. Even if she never felt the same way about you, there was no chance that you’d trade your time with Andy for anything or anyone else. “Thank you for everything. I’m glad I get to experience all of this with you.”
She almost let her resolve crumble upon hearing your words. The grip around her drink tightened, heating up her flesh to a tender sting but she persevered through it. She knew that if she touched you again then it would all be over. There would be no way she could let go.
“As exciting as everything can be, I can’t help but feel nervous for what’s to come. I worry that no matter how hard I train I won’t be prepared. No matter how much I learn, there is bound to be something I overlook.”
How right you were.
“One thing I can tell you is that there are some things you’re never ready for, even if you spend centuries preparing. People, history, and almost everything I’ve encountered follow some type of pattern maybe 99% of the time. But all it takes is that 1% chance of randomness to make life unpredictable. Even the most meticulous of plans can end up going sideways. At the end of the day, I always ask myself why I’m here or why certain things happen and I’ve never been very close to an answer. There are questions I’ve carried with me for even longer than I can remember.”
It would have been quite terrifying to hear those words from anyone else besides Andy. If she still struggled to figure things out then you were practically cursed to be clueless for the rest of your existence. Although strangely enough, it was actually comforting to hear that she shared a similar sense of existential questioning. Both of you were human even if your lifespans or biology no longer were. 
“Okay, but you must have a guess for when we’ll see flying cars at least. Or do you believe people will really be able to walk on Mars one day?”
A smooth attempt to cover up her broadening smile by lifting her coffee up to her mouth might have gone unnoticed if you hadn’t been so enamored by each one of Andy’s actions. She had a harder time hiding her eyes, which playfully rolled at your question. 
“Sure, I suppose it’s possible. Hey, maybe you’ll be the first one and you can tell us all about it.”
“While the prospect of accomplishing something you’ve never done is intriguing, I wouldn’t want to do it without you.”
The words left your mouth, leaving only your pair of eyes holding hers throughout a deep silence. It wasn’t often that Andy looked like she was at a loss for words but this was definitely one of those times.
Quickly, you tried to cover up your confession with a stupid excuse. “I mean if there really are man-eating martians up there they’ll want to eat you first. You have way more muscle.”
“Right,” Andy laughed in agreement. “I guess that’s all I’m good for besides being a model for your artwork. Are you fast enough to draw me up there in time before I get turned into alien food?”
“Maybe.” You blushed and tried to go for Andy’s move to cover your face with your cup, only to realize that it was practically useless when it was made of glass. 
“I, uh, really wanted to get some sleep tonight before waking up for early training but I guess I’m not doing a very good job at that.”
“Sleep in, you deserve the break. You’ve been pushing yourself really hard and should get to sleep in for once. There’s no need to overexert yourself.”
“Wait, aren’t you leaving for your mission around sunrise?” Andy was planning to look for some intel in the city and you knew she might be gone for up to a few days. “Wake me up before you go so I can say goodbye.”
For a moment, all the Scythian can do is try to memorize the look on your face, wishing that she could permanently sketch the vision on paper like you could. You gazed up at her with such innocence and devotion in your eyes, as if she was simply running to get milk from the grocery store the next morning. The team had actually glossed over the more important details about Andy’s assignment and what it would entail. It wasn’t that you were unaware of Andy’s brutal past and countless killings, but you still had yet to witness such violence. She couldn’t help but worry that witnessing that side of her would not only change how you saw her, but also influence your own self perception when the time came to take another life yourself. It was painful to imagine the countless amount of years you might spend plagued by inner turmoil, hating the person you would become even if it was inevitable. She’d die in a million more excruciating ways if it would shield you from such a curse.
“Andy, are you alright?” Your voice of concern brought her back to the present. There was a slight look of worry between your furrowed eyebrows that she wished to smooth out herself, but she practiced self restraint. 
“Sorry, I guess I’m a little tired too. If you want me to wake you before I leave then I will.”
With a satisfied smile on your face, you nodded and rose from your seat. The urge to ask Andy if she might join you tugged at your heart. You always slept more soundly when it was in her arms. Your nightmares were much more infrequent by now and it had been some time since you had been able to fall asleep while breathing in her scent, snuggling deep into her chest. The temptation to voice your request was almost impossible to resist, save for the fear of jeopardizing your friendship and making her uncomfortable by revealing your feelings. 
Eventually, you found yourself back in bed alone and replaying your conversation. One specific realization you couldn’t get over was that Andy had undoubtedly expressed some type of interest in the art you made of her. Sure, it’s possible that it might have been in a completely platonic sense, but you held onto the fantasy of it meaning something more and decided you’d keep it to yourself, for now.
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acupofqueercoffee · 1 year
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“With her earth brown hair, her arms hard and lean”
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Andromache the Scythian x Witch Reader
more or less a sequel to "with her sweetened breath and her tongue so mean" as per @nightly-polaris 's request
tagging as requested : @charlizetheroncansteponme
6th of January was my birthday, so consider this a present from me to you, although it ain’t my proudest work since i’m in a bit of a slump :'))
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The images of Andy that had kept you company in the dead of night for the best part of your life made into a fine montage of the Scythian’s life. A born and bred warrior though she was, throughout the centuries, she had been a wearer of many hats, an assassin, a friend, a foe, an outlaw, a salvation, a traveller, even a god to some, but above all, she was a Baklava aficionado.
It was a relatively slow day in the safe house. Andy and Nile were away to get rations which was originally the task for you and Nile. The Scythian had volunteered to go in your stead since you were still low on stamina courtesy of yesterday’s strains, some of which were still in the process of healing. It was decidedly one of the repercussions of being a witch. Whether you were in possession of immortality with fast recovery rate or not, overexertion and energy depletion could, more often than not, expose your body to lasting injuries.
With nothing urgent on your plate, you had deemed it an ideal day to put your plan into motion. The last piece of Andy’s indulgence had run out about a couple of weeks ago, and since then, you had been toying with the idea of rectifying it. Although the chasm between the two of you had compelled you to think better of it, now that the rocky affair had been remedied, you no longer had any qualms about realising your resolution.
“If unfortunate, this might land you in another feud with Andy. I doubt she’ll tolerate if you butcher her treasured treat, even if unintentionally.”
“Don’t underestimate her love for Baklava. It’s positively peerless. I’d strongly advise you to tread lightly.”
The two lovebirds’ playful warnings that were designed to discourage you boiled down to futility as they left you undeterred. Even though there was a good chunk of truth buried beneath their words, you knew that they were not so much a genuine caution as a quip about your baking skills that were nothing short of non-existent.
The coming to be of your very first Baklava was achieved through trial and error. You were not as dexterous with kitchen equipments as Andy was with her vast array of weapons, meaning that your baked goods were not the most beautiful. Baked to near perfection and drenched in ample syrup, even though they did not taste too good to be considered divine, thankfully, they were good enough to be deemed delectable.
Unfortunately, your confidence that had remained steadfast throughout the day started to wane considerably as the time of Andy’s arrival approached. The nearer it got, the more restless you became. From “what if it does not suit her taste” to “will she find it insulting like Joe had warned” , doubtful thoughts were bombarding your mind.
By the time the Scythian made her return with Nile, the decision had been reached. No way in your right mind could you present your sloppy attempt at a Baklava to the very connoisseur of Baklava. You did bake her treasured treat to the best of your abilities, however when your only experience in baking ended with you very nearly burning down your previous home, managing something as simple as turning the dough into recognisable, solid blocks was a considerable feat in itself.
When night fell, you pulled Nile aside instead, asking her to temporarily play the role of a taste tester to tweak the recipe if necessary in your future endeavours. You handed her a block of the sweet treat, before you took one of your own into your hand. As Nile nibbled on her snack, you took a bite out of yours, and expectantly, awaited her feedback.
The crumbs that were sticking to the corner of the marine’s mouth compelled your fingers to fly towards them, gathering the fine dusts with the pad of your thumb. It was done out of reflex, the same way you would usually wipe mucus off Leo’s eyes.
“No offence, but it’s-”
An unforeseen interruption put a halt to Nile’s speech as it did to your action. Following the snug lock of fingers around your wrist, you felt a gentle crawl of calloused digits on your jaw before in a heartbeat, your head was angled slightly for your lips to be enveloped in heart-melting warmth. After the soul-stirring experience from last night, it was impossible not to remember the familiar velveteen feel of the Scythian’s lips.
Wide-eyed and mouth ajar, you were positively kiss stunned as you stood stock still, hypnotised by the tantalising tip of a tongue that poked through pink lips to trace the upper arch of the tender flesh.
“Mmm” She moaned, the mesmerising green of her eyes disappearing behind her eyelids. “The scent of rose was a little too overpowering,-” She had brought your wrist that was ensnared in her fingers to her mouth where her teeth sank into the baklava that was held betwixt your thumb and forefinger. As she did so, her line of sight shifted from your hand to your face, causing the collision of your gazes. The golden specks in her eyes, like fine grains of sand swirling in sea green waves, shimmered and shone. “-but not too shabby for your first attempt.”
In the twinkling of an eye, you found yourself trapped between the Scythian’s body and the kitchen counter. Caged in her wonderfully toned arms, your heartbeat was a frenzied staccato inside your chest. Meanwhile, the hard muscles of her arms rippled beneath your palms as her face gravitated to yours. You watched one corner of her coral-coloured lips tilting skyward into a mischievous smirk.
“Excuse me? Uhm…what the hell is going on?”
“I uh- wow I’m completely ignored- alright then I’m just gonna disappear real quick. Evidently, you have more pressing matters to attend to than getting my feedback.”
Whatever Nile had uttered was not so much an intelligible remark as a background noise.
Nothing reached your ears except Andy’s voice, smooth and spicy as honey mulled wine. “You made my favourite snack and decided to keep it from me?” The warmth of her breath softly teasing the shell of your ear, coupled with her sultrily low cadence of a hum, brought about an eruption of goosebumps. “How bold of you.”
“I merely wanted to perfect my baking skills before I have you taste it.”
“Oh? Even when I liked them alright as they were?”
“Are you quite certain?”
The question created an arch in an earth brown eyebrow, some strands of the same hue deliciously curtaining her eye as a shadow of amusement dawned on her lips.
“Who do you think know more about Baklava, hm? You or me, or the rest of the team?”
“You, of course.”
“Precisely.”
“It’s just that I-” The feeling of hands fitting flawlessly into the curve of your hips punched a breath out of your lungs, if only for a moment, rendering you speechless. “-I know it’s your only indulgence. So, I wish you would truly enjoy them instead of acting otherwise for my sake.”
“You’re giving me too much credit. Sugarcoating isn’t my forte.”
One of her hands had abandoned its place on your waist in favour of plucking your chin between a thumb and a forefinger. Her touch was nothing but delicate as she coaxed you into seeking her eyes.
“Your Baklava has something very unique in it which I’ve never been, and certainly will never be able to find anywhere else in the entire world.” Gentle fingers had travelled along your jaw, taking your cheek into a palm where she cradled you with great tenderness. The bone-meltingly soft touch of battle-hardened fingers had your tummy butterflies dancing jovially.
“Do you know what that is?”
Your response was a subtle shake of your head, given while nuzzling the warmth of her hand like a cat basking in the sun.
“Love.” Calloused pad of a thumb softly caressed the apple of your cheek. “The love you had put into making them is what makes them all the sweeter, all the more meaningful. I’m certainly not faking anything. It truly was scrumptious.”
“So, thank you for the sweet surprise. I love it.”
You detected no lies in her eyes for there was none to begin with. Instead, you drowned in a sea of startling green, bright, beautiful, and brimming with things that you were not yet privy to.
And then,
“I love you.”
The declaration did not come as an absolute shock, nonetheless it still instilled in you a trickle of surprise and instigated a whirlwind of wings as the little hummingbird went berserk behind its bony cage. Although you had been made aware that she harboured strong feelings for you following her apology, you were not expecting her to voice it aloud. Later down the road, perhaps. In a subtle way, definitely. But certainly not as quickly and candidly as she had just done.
So, as you eagerly threw yourself into her chest, heart doing giddy somersaults, and face finding home in the little dip of her throat, all too happily, the Scythian kept you cocooned in her arms, both kind and unyielding.
At the same time, the pair of you were oblivious to the curious eyes of your teammates. Having unintentionally borne witness to the sickeningly sweet display of affection initiated by none other than their positively lethal boss, Joe was in disbelief of both his ears and eyes.
“Nicky, I think my ears are malfunctioning.”
“It’s not your ears, Joe. I heard it too.”
“Nicky?”
“Yeah?”
“Are you seeing this as well?”
“Yeah.”
“It’s not my eyes playing tricks on me, is it?”
“I don’t think it is, my love.”
“Andy finally getting a partner after thousands of years? Hell must have frozen over!”
“It’s about damn time though, wouldn’t you agree?”
“No disagreements there.”
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isabellehemlock · 1 year
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Hi everyone,
In honor of my TOG fic “Their souls were knit together (and he loved him as himself)” reaching 10k (thank you readers!!) I wanted to compile my (80+) resource links I used during the plotting stage and throughout the fic - divided by category as best as I could manage.
In case you’d like additional resources, please check out @actualmermaid historical resource upload here, and/or the The Old Guard Character Resource Hub.  Here’s a list of books as well:
Genoa & the Genoese 958-1528 ( x )
The Crusade Indulgence: Spiritual Rewards and the Theology of the Crusades, c. 1095-1216 ( x ) - a post with excerpts linked below
Housing the Stranger in the Mediterranean World: Lodging, Trade, and Travel in Late Antiquity and the Middle Ages ( x ) 
The rest under the cut in case you’d like to avoid potential spoilers (nothing descriptive) 
For Genoa
San Siro ( x )
San Lorenzo ( x ) & St. John the Baptist ( x )
The Mahdia Campaign of 1087 ( x )
Nicolò as a Genovese crossbowman ( x ) ( x )
For Mahdia
Yusuf’s potential backstory with Mahdia ( x ) ( x ) and the Zirid dynasty ( x ) 
And his family’s intergenerational trauma in relation to the Battle of Haydaran in 1052 ( x )
For the Crusades
Some other ways a non noble Nicolò might have found himself in the Crusades ( x ) ( x ) ( x )
General timeline of the first crusade ( x ) 
The Siege of Antioch ( x ) ( x ) ( x ) ( x ) ( x ) 
The Siege of Jerusalem ( x ) ( x ) ( x ) ( x ) 
Visual maps of the city of Jerusalem and surrounding area ( x ) and general climate ( x )
For Constantinople
Daily life in the city ( x ) ( x ) ( x )
Procession of the Theotokos icon ( x ) 
Maps of the city from that time ( x ) ( x ) 
Their apartment and general housing ( x ) 
Little Hagia Sophia ( x )
Church of Sts Sergius and Bacchus ( x ) - and why that would have been meaningful to Nicolò ( x ) as the setting for their Adelphopoiesis ( x ) & here are the Byzantine instructions for it ( x ) 
For Islamic spiritual practices
Barzakh ( x ) & Jinn ( x ) (both referred to in a blink and you’d miss it sort of way)
Qur’an scroll ( x ) - technically a 19th century copy, but was using it as a visual reference
Islamic calendar for that year ( x ) & the significance of Yusuf’s first death of rajab ( x ) 
The verse Yusuf reflects on when he internally refers to Nicolò as his dearest ( x ) 
The verse Nicolò inscribed on Yusuf’s wedding present ( x ) 
For Catholic spiritual practices
Lay Orders (what used to be called Third Order) for Nicolò to be an oblate ( x )
Eleusa icon (a gift he received from Brother Gabriel) ( x ) - here’s a 12th century version ( x )
The cross necklace gift Nicolò received before leaving Genoa ( x ) 
Excerpts from the book linked above about how indulgences played a part in the Crusades ( x )
Lenten practices in the middle ages ( x ) 
Some Bible verses Nicolò reflects on during his love confession ( x ) ( x ) 
For some interfaith dialogue moments
The Canticle of Zechariah in the Liturgy of Hours ( x ) & Verse 95 for corresponding references to the dawn ( x )
Why Zechariah is important in both faiths ( x ) 
Encouragement for open dialogue and friendliness ( x ) the rights of Non-Muslims as laid out in the Constitution of Medina ( x ) and protection via the Testament of Muhammed ( x ) though there are some doubts to the authenticity 
Lent & Ramadan similarities ( x ) ( x ) 
Interfaith marriage rights between Christians and Muslims from Muhammed ( x ) 
For some other historical context 
Context for same sex attraction in the middle ages ( x ) ( x ) ( x ) ( x ) ( x ) ( x )
Some LGTB+ historical figures and Saints Nicolò might have been aware of ( x ) ( x )
Brother Gabriel from chapter two was based on Marina the Monk ( x ) 
Wiki about illiterate popes ( x )
11th-12th century trade maps ( x ) 
Tunisian Arabic ( x ) 
The Great Schism of 1054 ( x ) 
The Seljuk Empire ( x ) 
The Byzantine-Venetian treaty of 1082 ( x )
A poem by Abu Nawas that Yusuf reflects on before the love confession ( x ) 
For the Biblical references and significance to Nicolò of Gortyn/Crete ( x ) and some visual references ( x )
Why Chandax as a honeymoon site would have been comfortable for them both ( x ) & ruled by the Byzantine Empire at the time of their visit ( x ) 
The book Yusuf gave to Nicolò as a wedding present ( x ) & some context ( x )
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noyatv · 1 year
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𝐀𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐍'𝐒 𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐄𝐃 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓
𝐁𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐌 𝐈𝐁𝐍-𝐈𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐐 |n/a
𝐀𝐋𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐑 𝐈𝐁𝐍-𝐋𝐀'𝐀𝐇𝐀𝐃 |n/a
𝐌𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐊 𝐀𝐋-𝐒𝐀𝐘𝐅 |n/a
𝐅𝐄𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐂𝐎 𝐀𝐔𝐃𝐈𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐄 |n/a
𝐄𝐙𝐈𝐎 𝐀𝐔𝐃𝐈𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐄 |n/a
𝐘𝐔𝐒𝐔𝐅 𝐓𝐀𝐙𝐈𝐌 |n/a
𝐇𝐀𝐘𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐌 𝐊𝐄𝐍𝐖𝐀𝐘 |n/a
𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐘 𝐂𝐎𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐂 |n/a
𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐍𝐇𝐇𝐀𝐊𝐄:𝐓𝐎𝐍 | 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐎𝐑 𝐊𝐄𝐍𝐖𝐀𝐘 |n/a
𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐎 𝐃𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐀𝐍 |n/a
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You're waiting for a train...(16) - Epilogue
I Dreamed We'd Grow Old Together...
Robert Fischer x reader
description - Robert and Y/n's life over the next five years
word count - 2k
warnings - pregnancy, and an insane amount of fluff
a/n - and so it ends! This fic has been very important to me and has given me such a great outlet. I want to thank you all for your continued love and support for this fic! If it hadnt been for you guys I probably wouldnt have had enough confidence to continue it!
Please like/comment/reblog/follow!!!
a/n pt2 - Also seeing as I have fallen in love with this relationship I will be accepting questions and headcanons on their relationship!
Previous Part Series Master list Master list
Questions and Headcanons on Robert x y/n - here
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And so we came together. It felt like the culmination of a thousand dreams.
We went out on many dates. Robert would plan these luxurious and expensive expressions of affection: dinner at the fanciest restaurants, cinemas bought out for our private viewing experience. But we alternated who planned the dates, so when it came to my turn I went for the simplest. Walks on the beach, picnics in the park. One day I even found a crafting class for us, and I could’ve cried on the spot when I saw his eyes light up at the handmade windmills. Of course, he saw it as a happy coincidence when in reality I enjoyed feeling like I was healing his childhood self, one step at a time.
Days turned to weeks. Weeks turned to months. We were out on a hike which I had chosen. He had grumbled about the idea of getting up early, but I could see the stress leave his body at the first gulp of forest air. I carried on ahead as he went to tie his shoe but when I turned back I gasped. Robert was down on one knee, holding a beautiful diamond ring.
“Y/n Cobb, I have loved you since that first moment I laid eyes on you, and I think even before that.” I walked closer to him so I could hold his other outstretched hand. Tears were streaming down my face and my smile was holding back an extremely loud yes. “I know how much you believe in dreams and so on. And last night I had a dream that we grew old together. When I woke up I knew it had to be my reality. Y/n Cobb, will you…”
I threw my arms around him.
“Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!” I placed a loud kiss right on his lips.
“You could have at least let me finish!” He teasingly whined.
“Well I could see where you were going!” I argued back but was halted when he kissed me once more. We pulled away long enough so Robert could slide the ring onto my finger.
Safe to say, we did not finish the hike that day as we quickly went home to celebrate.
I had moved in with Robert before so we visited Dad and the kids for lunch the day after to give them the news. Dad had always been weary around Robert, not knowing if he would recognise him. But it was fine as, in my Dad’s words, ‘when Robert is around Y/n, it’s like the world doesn’t exist.’. Dad still couldn’t stop himself pulling Robert aside whilst Philippa was asking me a million questions about the wedding and if she could be a bridesmaid. All he did was roughly grab his hand and pulled him close and merely whispered
“She’s my precious girl. And I have a gun.”
Safe to say Robert was healthily shocked.
We got married weeks later as neither of us could wait. I told Robert I didn’t care about a big expensive wedding, but he couldn’t seem to accept that.
I got my wish for a small wedding in the garden of my childhood home, with just my closest friends. But everything else about it was still ridiculously posh. Right down to the flower arch we were married under.
James and Philippa were my brides’girl’ and brides’boy’. My father walked me down the makeshift aisle. Arthur and Eames were there as well as Yusuf and Ariadne. They were all worried about the risk of the inceptors being so close to the mark after the heist.
“There’s no telling what could trigger his memory.”
“Well, y/n spent the most time with him out of all of us and she’s marrying him.”
“We can’t all sleep with him!”
“ENOUGH!”
I then put a rule that there was to be no dream talk at my wedding. My father even gave his own little speech explaining that if anyone ruined my wedding, he would kill them. We all laughed but his continued silence quickly shut us all up.
Robert did not want any family there. And he also didn’t have friends he felt were close enough to warrant an invitation.
One night, whilst planning, I cautiously asked him about inviting his godfather. He tensed up and lowered his eyes. He brushed it off saying it would be too many people. I reluctantly agreed with him whilst looking at the sparsity of his side of the guests.
The wedding was beautiful, and we finished with dancing on the grass well into the early hours of the morning. I got my first dance with my father, a day I thought would never come. Philippa asked Robert to dance, and he graciously accepted, lifting her up onto his feet and they swayed alongside us.
The morning after we were curled up together in bed. My back leaned on his chest as he played with my fingers. The morning sun bleeding into my childhood bedroom.
“Where do you want to live?” His morning voice broke the quiet.
“I thought we were going to move into your house.” I tilted my head to look into his eyes which were trained on a picture of me, my dad and my mum.
“I don’t wanna go back. Being here, in this house, with all the love in it. I just don’t want to go back there.”
“Okay.” I leaned up and planted a soft kiss to his cheek.
“So if you could live in any house, anywhere in the world, where would you live?”
I snuggled myself back into his chest and closed my eyes as I imagined.
“Somewhere in the countryside, with a big sprawling garden that backs onto fields and forests with plenty of walks. The house should be cozy, with a big kitchen with an old fashioned stove that keeps us warm in winter. Wooden tables where I can cook and bake all day long till my hearts content. The house should have big windows so the sunlight can dictate our day. Small bedrooms but big comfy beds, fluffy rugs, open fires. And maybe even an extra room...with a cot.” I met his eyes for the last word.
“Yes.”
“To which bit?”
“To all of it.” We kissed passionately.
A few days later and Robert woke me up and told me we were going on a trip. We bundled into his car and drove for hours until we came to a stop outside a house that seeped with familiarity. I got out, transfixed by what stood before me. It was as real from my mind as if I had created it in my dream. Robert moved to unlock the little gate which led to the front door. He turned to me and held out a set of keys with a little windmill keychain.
“It needs a bit of work and I know I shouldn’t have bought it without showing you—”
“I love it.”
We didn’t need a honeymoon, the two weeks to ourselves spent decorating and filling the house with our love was enough. I drew designs for each room and Robert would do the heavy lifting. I could see how much he enjoyed working with his hands after dismantling his business a week into our relationship. I also was unable to help much as my hand found softly stroked a barely noticeable bump.
We relished in the days of decorating, where trying to paint a single wall would turn into silly games or dancing round to music, intermittent with many kisses and hugs.
Eventually we had built our home out of our house and we relaxed into our sofa, a bottle of red between us. We sealed the night with a kiss and it definitely didn’t end there.
Five Years Later
I stand at the sink washing our dishes from lunch and look out of the window onto our expansive garden. Robert runs about the grass, clad in soft jeans and a ratty knitted jumper. Our three darling children chase around him at varying speeds. Our eldest, Isla, holds her baby sister Aspen’s hand, and Nicholas, the youngest, toddles behind his sisters, excited to be involved.
Arthur runs up from behind and scoops Nicholas up into his arms through the giggling shrieks of the three. He bounces Nicholas up into the air. Isla and Aspen then run over and begin shouting up at their uncle for their turn.
I don’t hear Robert make his way into the house, I just feel a pair of arms wrap around my waist and soft kisses being ladened up and down my neck. I sink back into his body which is warm from the sun. His arms snake down and his hands lay on mine.
“Leave those now. I’ll do them later.” I agree by turning in his arms so we can meet in a proper kiss. His fingers grip my waist and stroke my sides.
Our moment is interrupted by a loud opening of the door. I roll my eyes at the familiar sound and break apart to greet Eames at the door.
“Right! Where are my darling godchildren?”
“I give you a good time to come round, and you insist on coming just before their tea and bath time.”
He laughs and knocks my chin with his knuckle.
“Motherhood suits you.” I bat his hand away and gesture out the door. “Make it quick.”
I turn back to a still laughing Robert who quickly stops once he sees my stern face.
“I’ll ask Eames if he wants to stay for tea with Arthur.” He goes to go back into the garden.
“What you thinking for tea?” I ask his retreating form.
“Chicken and potatoes?”
“Delicious.” He smiles and leaves.
I begin sorting through the mail which still sat on the side. I smiled once I reached a postcard from Dad. He’d taken the kids to Disneyland for a week and sent a picture of them with Goofy. I pinned it up on our cork board.
My peaceful moment is soon interrupted.
“Y/n! Tell Arthur that I’m the favourite uncle!”
“Y/n! Tell Eames that fun does not have to mean dangerous!”
“Mama, mama, Uncle Eames turned me upside down and span me around!”
“See! Dangerous!”
“Honey, where’s the disinfectant? Aspen scraped her knee.”
“Mummy it really hurts!”
“Mama! Uppies! Uppies!”
I picked Nicholas up into my arms and simply giggled, perfectly happy with my life.
It was now night. Arthur and Eames had left after insisting on reading the kids stories which meant they were roped into reading 3 stories per child. Nicholas had gone down first. Then Aspen and even though Isla had loved staying up with mummy and daddy, tiredness had overcome her quickly. So Robert carried her up and tucked her into bed.
We now lay in bed together, curled up. Simply relishing in the silence that was so foreign in our big house.
“Do you wanna know something strange?” He broke the silence. “That day we met, I had a dream about a girl who I fell in love with. I like to think it was you.”
I bit my lip to stop myself uncontrollably grinning.
“And since then, my dreams have been consumed by you and our little family.”
I tried to meet his eyes, but he was locked in thought and I knew I couldn’t interrupt his thoughtfulness.
“The moment I met you I realised that I wanted to create my own family rather than continue working for one that never loved me.”
I hugged him tighter as his voice shook slightly.
“Well, that’s good. Because your family is about to get a little bigger.” I took his hand and drifted it down until it landed on a subtle bump.
“Perfect.” He kissed my hairline as his hand stroked up and down my stomach.
The silence resumed and we both fell deeper into the stillness of the night. But as I drifted off one thought plagued my mind.
Perhaps the idea never actually took hold.
Perhaps it was me and him.
Us together, that changed his life.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
Thank you so much for reading!!
taglist: @jonsncws @h-l-vlovesvintage @theethy @fashionki11a @felicity1994 @bearchermer @idkyoutellmesmh @mimimarvelingmarvel @butterfly-lies-chase-them-away @neotanpopper @deliriouslybi @folklorde24 @thefandomdiaries07 @viarosemcmissile @noirrose21-blog @thepoeticfirefly @xoxo-gothic-girl @skeletonwrite @jellyzelek @kaylamarie306-blog @bloodcanbehot @lazybot @raineeace @thearieunhinged @multifans-things @queenofterrasen418 @bey0ndne0 @justanotherkpopstanlol @iamliterallyspidergwen @frozenhuntress67 @alice2612
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I Don't Miss You At All (ITA One Shot)
Loki x Reader Avengers The Office AU (Slowwwwww Burn)
Warnings: tears, trauma, therapy
Word Count: Thank you Tari for being such a nice friend. For reading all that I blurt out here. Thank you for being my reader and supporter even though I have been so inconsistent as a writer and as a friend.
MASTERLIST in bio, darlings. Tags are open (check bio)
"Looking for something?" Your attention is brought back by the gorgeous olive-skinned lady in her late forties sitting before you. "Hmm?" is all that comes out of you while you are biting the dead skin on your lower lip. "You were looking around for something on the ceiling and-" she points at the French doors opening to the porch outside with the pen in her hand- "the doorway." Your crinkled brows relax and go up a little. "Oh. Right. It was...I was looking for cameras." Now lady furrows her brows even though she is smiling at you. "It was on involuntary." You shrug casually. The lady does not react. "I am used to cameras in my vicinity." you try to summarise. She opens the notebook in her lap. "Nothing negative. Just a project my father has going on." Now her lips make that straight line and you suddenly feel like you've failed a test. "So there is an entire crew-" "Miss Y/N, breathe." she tries to calm you down.
You breathe in, hold the air and let it out slowly, taking in your surroundings again. The beige-coloured room is well-lit- thanks to the abundant sunlight coming through the French doors. You sit on a cream-coloured velvet sofa, wearing your oversized shirt with a happy Tony Tony Chopper eating candy on the front and a pair of blue mom jeans. "So-" the lady starts, seeing that your nerves seem better- "why did you come in today?" "Doctor I-" "Jane. It's Jane. Please call me Jane," she urges with a smile before settling on her cream sofa. "Okay...Jane." You nod.  "So, tell me why you are here today." Pressing your hands between your thighs and letting the warmth seep in, you feel your chest tighten. The air that goes in to help you form the words suddenly feels heavy in the lungs. Your eyes seem to betray you a little too. You smile, trying your best to let your facial muscles close your eyes as much as possible and wipe away the moisture by some miracle. But they fail. A tear falls down your cheek, falling right through the smile. "Because I'm not okay," your voice croaks. Your shivering hands try to wipe away the tears that now seem endless. "Sorry," you whisper an apology. "It's okay," Jane soothes you, pouring a glass of water from the jar sitting in front of you on her coffee table, "let it out. That's good. We're halfway there already because you are aware you are not feeling okay. So, no need to rush. Crying is also a part of it. It is okay to cry." You gulp down the water in seconds before pouring yourself another round. "Okay," you announce softly, nodding in Jane's direction. "Take a minute if-" "No, I'm good," you confirm and settle back down in your seat with a sigh. Jane's eyes smile their kindest smile at you. "Okay. let's begin."
"Yeah-" you nod- "so, it's been a few weeks now..."
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The six am alarm starts to buzz on your phone and before the alarm tone can even begin to ascend, your fingers are stopping the buzz. There is no point in the alarm when you lay wide awake in your bed in the dorm room, your eyes looking at infinity in the sky outside as they have watched it break from dawn to a proper sunny day. The constant throbbing in your head has become a part of your existence now. You lay in your bed for another hour and you would have laid there for two more had Yusuf not knocked at your door. "Y/N! We have a lecture in twenty minutes. Please tell me you are still not sleeping." You have heard him, but your body lays in bed, still looking at the sky. Yusuf knocks again. Silence. "Okay, I'm coming in," he shouts, "you better be decent because we cannot miss today's lecture." You groan and crinkle your nose when Yusuf pulls you up by your arms. You protest, not wanting to attend today's lectures. But Yusuf's begging techniques seem to be your weakness. Deodorant under your armpits and a change of shirt later you are sitting through the day's lectures, pretending to write in your notebook. Everything around you is on the move- the professors, the students, the assignments leaflets, the laptops, even the bugs crawling on the class's windows outside- while you sit in one place. Nothing seems to grab much of your attention. Except for that one whiff of jasmine, lily and a mix of spices that sometimes travels through the air and fires up the wrong wirings inside you. Some days it just makes your heart race up a bit, making you short of breath for a while. On other days, you sweat through your body, unable to breathe, looking for the washroom to run into before crumbling down in there. Today it makes your hands shiver. Your back can feel the cold sweats coming in. "I'll just come back," you mumble to Yusuf and rush to the washroom from the back door of the lecture hall. .
"All good?" Yusuf's concerns are always transparent. "Yeah. I think the dinner from last night was acting up." You smile at him through the lie.  More lectures start and finish before it is time for lunch. "Don't feel like it," you declare, "not hungry." "Have some juice still," Yusuf presses, already having brought you a glass of fresh pressed juice. "Dude, that shit's expensive," you state before sliding it back to him. "I can't. I don't feel so good." But Yusuf does not give up. You take three sips before your stomach begins to feel the nausea. You sit in the grass looking at the endless stream of students going about their day with no thought going inside your brain. And then you see those pair of green eyes. Your heart starts to race again. Only to find it is someone else. But it is already too late. The tears have begun to form. And it is starting to get hard to hide them. Taking out your earphones and plugging them in, you press play on a random tutorial on how to make rice in ten different ways and lie down on the grass with your eyes closed. Some days it works.
.
It's four in the evening and you have volunteered to get dog food for Yusuf's pitbull. You have your car now to drive you through the city, a second-hand ocean-blue Honda.  Your mind knows that dog food is an excuse. But no arguments are made. You sit in the city traffic, waiting for the light to turn green. Some random radio channel is turned on in your car. You have never bothered to set it up before. They start to play a familiar song.
Wind blows Blew me to where I belong It was you A home I came into the night
The cold sweats start again. It gets harder to breathe. The light has turned green but the vehicles in front of you are not moving. You shut down the radio and press the horn into infinity. Your car revs and breaks into a spree, only stopping at a spot where there aren't any eyes and you can finally hit your steering wheel as much as you want before you break down into an ugly cry. Two hours pass before you text Yusuf you cannot find the specific brand of dog food and return to the campus. Parking your car near your department building, you walk to the dorms. It's a thirty-minute walk.  Sometimes you feel like you hear the familiar soft British accent on your way. Your chest feels the heaviness again, but your brain simply makes it for another student on campus. You don't have any more tears left to shed for the day.
.
Back at the dorm, you stand under the shower for ten minutes doing nothing. The shirt and PJs you had on last night are what you wear again. You come down to the dining area to see if you have any appetite. You smile at the familiar faces that greet you. You know your smiles are growing weaker every day. But there is nothing you can do about it. Salad. Soup. Bread. Pasta. Fruits. Ice cream. A tiny leaf of lettuce. A finger-sized slice of bread. Two pieces of penne with barely any sauce on them and a slice of apple. That is all that goes onto your plate. Even the lady serving you is concerned for her favourite student who used to leave the dining hall only after stuffing down two huge servings of everything. You sit on the table in the corner right by the window. It is a cold spot so no one ever prefers to sit there. Even as you sit down to eat the contents on your plate, you are not able to finish the bread and the pasta.
.
Back in your dorm room, you sit in the dark on your bed for about an hour before your phone rings. It's Tony. You look at the time on your phone. It's time for the usual call. You switch on the study light to accept the video call but your fingers never touch the accept button. Finally, you accept the voice call, putting it on speaker. "Hey, sweetie," Tony's voice greets from the other end. "'Sup," you greet back, not truly matching the enthusiasm. "How was college today?" "It was fine." "..." "..." "Okay. Cool. How's that car doing?" "Doing okay." "Because I can send you a better-" "It's doing okay." "...okay," Tony's voice goes down an amplitude, "that's good to know. So...did they have anything good in dinner today?" "Same old." "Did you eat?" you can hear the concern in his voice. "Mm-hmm." Silence. "Are you in your lab?" you finally say, wanting to prevent any more questions that you did not have the strength to answer. "Yeah. Working on a special suit right now. For a special someone." There is a pause for a moment. "Can you...can I hear you work? I have to work on an assignment and I need some sort of background noise to help me get it done faster." "Oh, okay." The amplitude is a little better now.  You lie down on your bed, your legs bent close to your chest, keeping your phone next to you. Tony goes on with this work, chatting with Friday. You continue to listen to him, never consciously feeling the tears fall from your eyes, wetting your pillow. Bruce joins Tony sometime later. You don't know how long has it been since you've been lying there. But you can hear Bruce tell Tony it's two in the morning so they should call it a night. "Y/N, sweetie? You asleep?" Tony whispers through the phone. You say nothing. "I guess she's asleep. Good night, goose," Tony hums before ending the call. You do not wish for the sleep to come, for it has not visited you for quite some days now. But the fear of seeing a familiar face when you fall asleep is also the reason you do not want slumber to hit you. But it comes tonight. Bringing with it reasons you are going to feel the numbness, the hole in your chest, the cold sweats all over again tomorrow.
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Loki only visits your dorm when you are not there. You are gone early from the room because you have an eight am class today. The room reeks. Used tissues lie on the floor, below the study table, overfilling the dustbin. There are half-eaten packets of chips sitting on the desk along with half-finished cans of soda. Your hoodies, sweat pants, shorts and undergarments lie in a crumpled mess in the cupboard as well as the laundry basket. He opens the windows first- noticing the dead succulents on your window sill that Yusuf has brought as a 'dorm-warming gift'- before getting to work. He clears the trash, cleans the floors, disinfects the desk, changes the bedsheet and duvet, and replaces the dirty laundry with clean ones. Taking one last look at the room, he makes sure to leave your clothes just as he had found them to not raise any suspicion. He replaces your bottles and mugs with fresh water, praying that you will drink as much as possible. Then he leaves.
.
He disguises himself as another student to watch you from afar. Sometimes he catches you lost in a thought in the window of your lecture hall. On other days he sees you looking at the void while sitting in the campus grounds. It is visible you have lost weight. Your eyes have bags under them. Your signature smile that went up to your eyes is not there. Twice he has witnessed you rush into the washroom with great urgency, and both times he has stopped himself from following you, for multiple reasons. Both times he has waited outside in the corridor, pacing back and forth. Both times you have come out with a freshly washed face, red eyes hiding behind spectacles and a smile for whoever greeting you in the corridor.
.
He keeps a good distance whenever you walk back from your department to your dorm building. The way back is dimly lit and you prefer to walk alone, no matter the time. Sometimes he watches you stop abruptly in your path. Sometimes you sniffle and wipe something off your face. Other times you take your phone out and look at something on it for a long time before closing it and resuming your walk.
.
He avoids the nights. They do not bring the best of him. Because they are not the best for you.
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"Jane, is it? You do realise I would not be here had those two baboons not tricked me into walking into your office on the pretext of an emergency." Loki huffs and rubs one hand on his face while the other rests on his hips. Jane purses her lips and shrugs in agreement before sitting down on her sofa. "Must have been an emergency for your friends to bring to a clinical psychologist, right?" Loki chuckles sarcastically. Jane is unbothered. "Oh, Miss Clinical Psychologist-" Loki's eyes have nothing but pity as he looks in the doctor's direction- "you are talking to a thousand-year-old being infamous for the art of manipulation. So, no offence, but I am pretty sure I can diagnose myself better than any doctor on this planet. Let alone this galaxy." This time Jane is the one chuckling. "I am two hundred per cent sure no one has the knowledge of psychology on this planet as much as you. And I take your word for all that you said. But-" she takes a tiny remote from the coffee table in front of her, points and clicks it to the opaque window separating her room from the reception outside, revealing Peter Parker and Scott Lang pacing the length of the reception hall- "for the sake of those two worried souls, why not humour me for...twenty minutes? Not to mention, even the best of psychologists need another experienced person to help them out in desperate times." Loki looks out at the two figures who have no clue they are being watched. He can't hear but Peter is saying something to Scott with a look of anxiousness, to which Scott simply keeps his hands on Peter's shoulders for a moment, telling him something, and finally taking him into his embrace. The window goes back to white. Loki comes back into the room. He is lost in a thought for a moment. "Well played, Jane," Loki announces in a mumble. "Had it been any other day, I would not give a damn about any of this." Jane simply gestures to the seat kept for Loki with both her hands. The God sits down and sighs.
"Why do you think they are so worried about you?" Loki raises his hands in defeat. "Beats me." Loki notices Jane has not touched the dairy kept in front of her. Neither her pen. She simply sits there for the God to elaborate. After a prolonged moment of thought, and the presence of zero judgment on the doctor's face, Loki gives in. "It's their friend. She...and I are not on speaking terms anymore." Loki's voice has gone soft. Jane nods. "Is their friend not your friend?" "...she was. Till she confessed that she liked me." Loki huffs the 'liked' part as if it were an insult. "Okay." Jane nods, adjusting herself a bit towards to edge of the seat, interested in knowing more. "Nothing more to it, Jane," he points out, averting his gaze, "she's gone...a bit far so we don't see each other much." "So, you do see each other." Loki takes in a long breath, furrowing his brows as if trying to push something away. "No. I go see her. She is staying in the city. I-" Loki's gaze goes down to his fingers that have started playing with the velvet on the sofa- "check in on her. Sometimes." "Why do you need to check in on her?" Even if that question is out of curiosity, Jane makes no effort to react in any way. Loki scoffs. "Because she is wasting away, Jane. A woman like her, who is capable of changing worlds is wasting away in a box half the size of the room we are sitting in because she was rejected by the God she fell for." Jane pours herself a glass of water. "You still haven't answered my question, though, Loki." Loki looks at her in confusion. "Why do you need to check in on her?" She picks the glass up. "What do you mean- I just told you she is-" "Wasting away, yes. That's the choice she made. Why do you feel the need to go there?" Jade sits back with the glass still in her hand. "Because I am the reason she is in this mess." Loki cannot understand what is so hard to understand. Jade turns her head a little. "So are millions of other women after a breakup. Why is it so important for you to go back to her? You have already told her how you feel." Silence. The glass is sitting in her lap. Loki can feel an unnerving feeling in his chest as he glares at that glass of water.
"Because I love her," he finally admits. "Because I cherish her. Because she nearly died because of me." Jade does not speak in the silence that comes after. "Because it is preposterous to think I could ever be with her." The confidence and anger with which Loki had entered the room has dissolved into the sea of certain new emotions; emotions that seem to be taking over his features gradually. The previously poised glare has turned into a fragile pair of eyes blinking a bit faster than before. "And why-" Jane's voice is soft as it stresses her words- "do you think you cannot be with her." Jane raises the glass to her lips, drinking the water, giving the room a good long pause. At that moment, the God feels the rush of tears in his eyes, the onset of a slight quiver building in his lips, the shakiness of his breath as his throat tries to bring out what has been sitting inside that little boy for ages. "Because I'm a monster." his voice breaks as he looks back at Jane. "Because I don't deserve that love." He tries to breathe in to compose himself only for his throat to shake. "Because I am scared of not being worthy. Because I am scared she will find out it is all a facade and I am nothing but a spineless pawn. Because I have only been loved on conditions and am afraid to get hurt again." Tears fall frantically through Loki's eyes. He does not bother to wipe them off. Jane pours Loki a glass of water and hands it to him. "Must have been hard to say it out loud," she states. "I can assure you if you choose to sit with me to figure it out, it will be a bit easier than it is right now. It won't be a smooth sail, but it will hurt less. And you just want the pain to stop, don't you?" Loki takes in a lungful of breath. "I want it to stop." Janes nods in reassurance. "Please make it stop."
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frostironfudge · 1 year
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Labyrinth - Bucky Barnes - Chapter IV
Summary: labyrinth (noun), a complicated set of paths and passages, through which it is difficult to find your way. Bucky and You would do anything for Steve and Wanda, your respective best friends. In an attempt to avoid a tradition Steve and Wanda come up with a lie involving their best friends.  A lie, that involves building a labyrinth. Bucky and You begin to build but will you two find your way out or be caught in it?
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader, (Modern AU)
Word Count: 12.2k || Dividers: @firefly-graphics
Warnings: chapter contains 18+ moments, minors DNI, fluff, angst, swearing, fake engagement, sexual innuendos, bucky (he's a warning), sweet moments, sorta miscommunication, smut, dirty talk, oral (f and m receiving), making out, praise kink?
Main Masterlist || AO3 || Fic Masterlist
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Sunlight filters through the windows, casting a dreamy gleam over the bedroom. Bucky peers from the bed as the dust specks float in random patterns, colliding and then settling. 
The polaroid of the accidental kiss remains on his side table. He stares at it, then his hands cover his face. Palms warm, he sighs against them. The feeling of your wrists still burns like embers. 
The way your breath felt over his lips and jaw. The look in your eyes as the pupils took over, darkening your gaze. Your throat bobbing, swallowing down the last bit of your refusal. He knew the two of you would have kissed. 
The warmth of your thighs, his admission in Romanian was safe. You didn’t know the meaning. His own mind questioned his mouth having its own mind. In the depth of his heart he knew, he knew you were sunshine. 
As the alarm rings, his heart tells him something that unnerves him — maybe you still are sunshine. 
The day slips past him, work taking focus. Heart conspiring against his mind replaying his momentary loss of cognition over and over. Each time your lips moved closer than he remembered. Never touching him, no. It drove him crazy. 
He stares at the invite and sends Yusuf the questions you had forwarded in the morning wanting to know dietary requirements and allergy information. Yusuf sent back a compiled list at the end of the day, with his heartfelt excitement and thanks written across the paragraph. 
Bucky forwarded the email to you. His eyes study the profile picture of your email. Your picture beams brightly at him. 
The little envelope icon has an unread notification. His heart does a somersault seeing your reply. 
What is wrong with him? It's just an email. 
From Y/N: 
Dear Mr. Barnes, 
Going through the list, there aren’t major requirements, just one couple is vegan and another two require gluten free. I think brownies should be okay? Or do you think cookies will be a better hit? 
Best Regards,
Y/N
Bucky finds his mouth sour slightly at the mention of brownies. The entire ordeal still left a bitter memory in its wake. 
Though those were the best fucking brownies he had eaten in his brownie eating lifetime. 
He stares at the email, for a moment more and decides to humour you with a reply. 
He’d reprimand himself later. 
From James: 
Dear To Be Mrs. Y/L/N-Barnes,
Brownies sound okay, it’s up to you. Cookies hmm, I think maybe not? Becca did love those mini cakes you made, wouldn’t that be easier to replicate in vegan and gluten free batches and be less of hardwork for you?
Regards,
Mr. Barnes
Instantly his phone chimes, you’ve texted him.  
Y/N: Mrs. Y/L/N-Barnes?
Bucky: I had a feeling you wouldn’t forgo your last name in favour of mine.
The typing dots appear. 
Bucky: plus that was my work email. 
The dots disappear for a few moments. 
Y/N: You made a point about the mini cakes, it’s easier to pull off. 
Bucky: I’ve been known to be right, you can admit it, no one would know. 
Y/N: your ego would and we can’t have it inflate further. 
Bucky laughs. 
John pauses outside his cabin. 
Staring at Bucky. 
Bucky: It would like to inflate as much as yours, sunshine. 
Y/N: I can hear your condescending tone. 
Bucky: missing me so much that you’re conjuring me? 
Y/N: at least i’m not giving myself an adrenaline rush to do so 
Bucky: Is that a ‘new moon’ reference?
Y/N: You know about ‘new moon’?
Bucky smiles again. John texts on the office group chat. Disbelief colouring his face. Bucky Barnes smiling and not perpetually scowling. 
Bucky: I can hear your scepticism, now.
Y/N: Are you missing me so much that your mind is conjuring me? 
As if you ever left my mind. He thinks, then stares at the chat. 
A flurry of murmurs has Bucky look up, his brow raised at Yusuf, Darcy, John, and Woo standing with surprise coating their faces. 
He stands setting his phone down and they scramble like headless chickens. 
Yusuf and Darcy however remain behind and a little unnerved. 
“Did you all need something?” Bucky’s tone is calm. He watches Jimmy and John peek from behind the end of the hallway. Not a really good hiding place.
“Oh nothing just,” Yusuf looks at Darcy. 
She taps her foot, “Oh yes, I um, Yusuf the Boss Man here just wanted to tell you we’re going to have a celebratory pizza day tomorrow!” she beams at him. 
“We are?” Yusuf’s brows furrow then he rectifies his surprise into a firm decision, “We are!” 
“Yes, so we just wanted to know what pizza you wanted, cause bulk order so a day prior.” Darcy smoothes the wrinkles in her jacket. 
Bucky’s sharp blue eyes observe all of them, “I don’t have a preference.” 
“Cmon the thought of free pizza doesn’t make him smile but his phone does?” John clamps a hand over his mouth. 
Darcy and Yusuf both wince. Jimmy begins to slowly back away, “Oh that's a call from my office.” 
“From the floor above? Impeccable hearing Jimmy.” Bucky glares at all of them, Woo stops in his tracks, slowly turning. 
“Was it Y/N? Making you laugh?” Darcy questions, all of their faces turn hopeful to know. 
“I have work, deals won’t close by knowing about me.” Bucky turns around heading into his office and shutting the door. 
Before lifting his phone he looks up, all of them scurry away. He shakes his head, you’ve sent him pictures of mini cakes. Delicately frosted and they all look delicious. 
Y/N: I think the base flavours can remain the same, but I can’t decide on the frosting style, because those will help differentiate between the 3 types I'm going to be baking. 
Bucky: You want me to pick?
Y/N: Well yeah, it's your event, you need to make a good impression and this will help. Food is the key to people’s hearts. 
Bucky: right, is that how you won Beck over? 
Shit, shit, shit, shit. It’s read before he can undo it.
Y/N: Yes, I allegedly seduce the rich men I want with my desserts. Can you pick the frosting or do you want to ask if he cheated on me because I stopped baking?
He frowns at the message, nothing in the chat warranted that kind of reply. Briefly his mind flashes back to what his mother said, he bites his tongue. Maybe he struck a nerve?
Bucky replies to the flower pattern for normal ones, swirls for vegan and roses for gluten free. 
Y/N: If I need any other information I'll text you. 
Bucky: Don’t hesitate. 
Then Bucky un-sends the message.
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You stare at the ‘don’t hesitate’, before it disappears. Your fingers twitch, wanting to smack him for his little comment about Beck and partially know how his stubble feels. You stare at yourself in the distorted fridge door reflection. 
“Shut it.” You whisper to yourself. Angry that all you can think about is being pinned against the said device. Grabbing the coffee you’ve made you head to the desk to resolve the issue from work. 
Going behind your boss’ back feels crappy but you needed to know what was wrong with the code. Maria had just given birth to a sweet little baby girl with her wife Natasha and was acclimating to the new addition. 
Yelena was new to the team, the others were non cooperative and frankly uninterested to write a new code from scratch. 
The meeting was in session when you joined in, Yelena and Maria beam at you and the others scowl. As you’re sharing the screen to view the old code with everyone when Christina scoffs in disbelief. 
“What is it?” Maria asks and then you see it too. 
“The major code has been changed.” Yelena observes, “The final edition Y/N showed me and ran was different.”
“Did you purposely do this?” Christina sneers, your answering glare is enough to have her morph her face to a neutral expression. 
The entire team stares at the screen. A flurry of thoughts make way to the forefront of your mind.
“When I asked her for the code she refuses and then when I ask the client they send this, its uneditable so it went edited from the company’s end.” You explain. 
“I asked for it too, I thought she just has an issue with you, but it seems she doesn’t have the version you sent her.” Maria adds. 
“Do you know the company policy for code that doesn’t work?” Yelena questions, pulling up the contracts and sharing them on the screen. 
“New designs and codes are charged twice if the host site is foreign to our base site or if the code does not work and the client fails to inform within the first 24 hour period.” She reads, “If the client has either issue and does not inform the company with a three week advance notice then they will be charged triple the amount as penalty for developing a new design code.” 
Maria makes a displeased sound, Christina hums.
“Well at least we have the finished code, I say we copy, paste and send.” The latter chimes, stifling a fake yawn.
“What?” Yelena’s expression morphs into a glare, “We’d be swindling the client blind.”
“Can we talk to Viper?” You prompt, they remain silent.
“We could have the conversation during the meeting on Friday.” This idea is also met by silence. You sigh. 
“Just prepare the code.” Christina argues, Maria and Yelena both look towards the screen in disagreement. You watch out of the corner of your eye while your palm takes the weight of your head.
“Y/N, you're the team leader, this is your call.” Maria reminds you, you want to hate her for the reminder. You can’t though.
“Put it to vote,” You pull up the poll feature, majority votes for talking to Viper during the meeting and you sigh. The remainder of the meeting goes smoothly as more designs are discussed and the two other pending projects have headways made upon them.
Compiling an update list you email it to Viper CC-ing your team so everyone knows what is going on. You close the laptop lid just as your phone chimes. 
“Hey Wan.” You laugh as she runs though the house.
“Oh my god! Oh my god.” She gushes then cheers happily, holding up a piece of paper that is blurry.
“Um I can’t read–.”
“Email! Now.” She narrows her eyes at you, catching her breath.
As you open the email she still squeals, you laugh wondering what it is and then you see it.
“Oh my god, indeed.” You agree with her seeing the attachment.
“WE’RE DOING THE BACHELOR AND BACHELORETTE TRIP BAYBAY.” She sing-songs, “Dance.” Wanda instructs, you push back your chair.
Mimicking her dancing which could be a reminder of the way you two danced at every house party Wanda made you crash, which wasn’t great but the two of you always had a lot of fun.
“Now, pack cold weather stuff because we are going to Aspen!” She drags out the destination name and you laugh admiring her.
Bringing out your planner you note down the dates so that you can avoid baking commitments and take a leave from work.
“Friday. You’re coming over.” Wanda settles on the bed.
“The trip is two months away, we can’t pack now.” You chide with a laugh.
“Nooo, not for packing to spend the night having a sleepover, I’m kicking Steve out for you.” She laughs, her hair swaying as she vibrates with excitement.
“Well you need to un-kick him, I’m busy on Friday.” You hope she doesn’t pry but you know she will.
“Oh, is it a date? Tell me everything.” She claps her hands, you shake your head causing her to frown.
“Remember, I told you I ran into James at the bookstore?”
Wanda nods.
“A colleague of his saw us and blabbed, his boss invited him for a family dinner thing so I have that…” You shrug.
“You’re helping him?” Her words harbour the disbelief your own mind and heart hold when you said yes to go with him or think about the dinner.
“I just, it's his work…” You trail off for lack of other reasoning, “We had decided this would not impact our professional lives.”
Or a reasoning you just didn’t want to face.
“Do you still have feelings for him?” Wanda blurts, her eyes observant on any and every reaction you give to the statement.
You want to tell her fuck off, but your heart feels that familiar jolt that only happened for Bucky–James, he’s James to you.
“Oh baby you do; don’t you? Why don’t the two of you talk it out?” She suggests, your face blanches.
“It’s been so long, I just, Wan, I thought the world of him and even today he just, he’s going to always think of me as a gold digger.” You lay on the sofa, the phone propped up by a bottle of water. 
“Okay don’t talk, fuck it out? Steve did say he stopped sleeping with his old friends with benefits a month ago. Maybe…” She raises her hands in surrender when you glare at her for the insinuation. 
“I don’t think it would be helpful to either of us.” You look back to the ceiling, but your mind takes you back to how he felt above you. Pressing against you but never with all his weight. The way his lips felt, the bottom one had a corner spot, worried as though he had a habit of biting them. His hair tickling your jaw when he leaned around you during the pretend cooking date.
“Y/N?” Wanda claps her hands loudly and you sit up, blinking away his thoughts.
“Sorry, I just,” You look away, “So when do we have to pay for the Aspen trip?” you divert the topic.
“Steve’s working out the finances, we’re hoping to cover the accommodation and food. So excursions and flights will be divided per passenger.” Wanda smiles, “I know it might be hard to cover up so don’t worry I have savings and–,”
“You mean the wedding dress fund you started when you met Steve Charming-Blue-Eyes-Wanda-Wants-To-Sink-In-Them Rogers?” Your brow raises her skin flushes.
“Oh and not to mention, Steve Wanda-Wants-To-Sink-On-That-Dick Rogers.” Your teasing has her groan but her flush only intensifies and you laugh.
“Shut the fuck up.” She glares at you.
“Steve Wanda-Wants-To-Do-It-In-The-College-Library-With-You Rogers.” You laugh again as she raises her middle finger and you raise yours in response.
“Fuck you.” She sneers, you pout.
“Steve will be sad.” 
“I don’t like this side of you.” She complains whining at the teasing.
“Okay, okay, no more Steve Insert Middle Name Rogers.” You raise your hands to show her your sincerity. Wanda narrows her eyes observing you for any lies then nods. Satisfied.
“Although–,” You smirk as your next teasing comes about.
“You say one word, I'm spilling the beans to Bucky about your little crush.” She warns, you gasp, a hand on your chest.
“How can you?” You scoff, to add dramatic flair, then you clear your throat to return to your original mission.
“Bucky Please-Kiss-Y/N-In-The-Rain Barnes.” Her expression is smug as she observes the telltale sign of you being flustered. She laughs.
“Bucky please-lift-Y/N-up-like-those-weights-at-the-gym Barnes.” her laugh cackles as you sink your burning face into your palm.
Her list goes on and you groan.
“Okay–,”
“Bucky Y/N-baked-brownies-to-get-into-your-heart Barnes.” It’s a second later she realises what she said, you try to keep your expression neutral but Wanda sees the glimmer dwindling.
“Chip, I’m so sorry.” She sits up grabbing the phone, “I got carried away.”
“It’s okay, I need to get over it.” You shrug, “So can I tell you about my boss being unreasonable and my team member being a greedy person?” 
Wanda nods, the two of you settle into conversation, the topic of Bucky remains forgotten. 
Your heart still clenches when you think of Bucky briefly while Wanda uses the restroom mid conversation. You pat over your sternum, trying to soothe the distant ache of what could have been.
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Friday evening rolls around much quicker than anticipated. You’re placing the final touches on the gluten free cakes as your doorbell rings. The final cake goes in the box and you cross check if every box is labelled and every mini cake has a skewer indicating V for vegan and GF for gluten free and N for No changes.
You try not to dwell on the meeting and its outcome. You could deal with that later. You would deal with that later. 
You open the door, Bucky stands there, you hadn’t spoken to him since the nosedive conversation. You take him in, a navy shirt and pants. He’d brushed his hair back but they were slightly dishevelled as though he’d been running his fingers through his hair. 
You open the door further allowing him to come inside.
For a moment Wanda’s words of wisdom make their way to your mind, as he makes his way inside. 
Pleasantries aren’t exchanged but you hear his sharp intake of breath, then a soft curse. You frown, nothing was burnt in your apartment. Deciding not to dwell on it you return to the kitchen a final pass through over the boxes. 
Bucky leans against the doorway of the kitchen observing you. Your apron had your baking company’s name on it. The outfit you were wearing was a deep violet top with cut outs at the shoulders. The black jeans clung to you in a way that had his eyes refusing to look elsewhere. 
Forcing himself to look at your face, he pauses, noticing the smears of the buttercream on your cheek. As Bucky moves towards you, you pause, still fiddling with the piping bag tip. 
The warmth of his thumb greets your cheek, he swipes at it. When he pulls his limb away you notice the buttercream on his thumb. 
“Oh um,” You reach for the tissues, as you hold them out he only brings the digit to his lips, tongue swiping at the cream and his eyes close momentarily. You pause, breath caught in your chest. 
“Burnt caramel?” He hums as you nod. He’s moved closer, so you have to look up to meet his eyes. Another swipe of his thumb on your other cheek but lower than before near the corner of your lips. Your skin heats, how did you miss those smears?
He repeats the same action, bringing the stray frosting to his lips. Eyes trained on you. You gulp, tongue moving over your bottom lip. 
“Should be careful, sunshine.” He murmurs. Your gaze falls from his darkening eyes onto his pink lips. The corner of his lips twitches up in the slightest. Amusement is what you recognise. 
Then they turn into a frown, “Why aren’t these your boxes?” He takes in the plain white packaging.
You take the moment to step away from the heated atmosphere, “It's your night, I don’t want to have the business’ promotion on there.” You shrug, Bucky’s jaw tenses. 
“Go get your stickers. The ones you put for the cookies.” He instructs without room to argue.
“James, it's alright.” You try to brush it off but he only narrows his eyes at you then raises a brow. You move to argue again but he raises a hand. 
“Use it to network, these are families. You can expand to them and you consider dietary requirements too.” He explains, “I understand why you chose to not use your boxes and labels but you should.” 
A warmth manifests in your chest, the little part of your heart that was aching for you to remember and recall everything about Bucky and your scattered feelings tried to wrestle its way out. The way he sounded so supportive, you had wished for that from a partner. It is what you need right now. 
“If I didn’t support your endeavours what kind of fake fiancé would I be?” He questions and the wrestling of your heart stops, ice cold water pours down your spine. Of course it isn’t genuine. He’s playing a role. 
You nod curtly, blinking several times to keep yourself and your emotions in check. 
“I’ll um, I’ll get the stickers…” Excusing yourself from the kitchen you leave Bucky, staring at the refrigerator. 
Bucky wills himself to trace the path of your steps because thinking about you pinned to any surface by him was making his blood circulation head to his dick. 
He knew this would be a good opportunity for you to showcase your skills plus families would have requirements for baked goods on and off. 
You return with the stickers and he watches as you place one on the centre and one along the opening edge to seal the boxes. 
“All done.”
“Okay, we can leave in five minutes so you can finish getting ready.” Bucky leans against the counter, fiddling with the sticker paper. You observe him for a moment then head into your room. 
Checking your appearance and hair once again, and you double check for smears of buttercream on yourself. Everything seems clear. 
Your purse is accounted for as are your keys, bits and bobs. Heading back you open up the tray to keep the boxes from shaking too much. 
“We can head down, I’ll keep the folding tray in my car.” You look at Bucky through the doorway. He picks up a box placing it on the tray and then the remaining two you begin to open the door pushing out the tray. 
“Wait.” Bucky walks towards you, hand on your shoulder to turn your back towards him. 
His fingers ghost over your lower back, as you feel him tug on the apron undoing the knot. 
Where is your goddamn brain? You wonder. 
Bucky breathes evenly, though the gesture seems intimate. Arms move around your waist, he tugs the material up till the loop of the neck is out. When your hands move to smoothen your hair they collide with Bucky’s as he does the very same thing, smoothing any strands out of place.
“Thank you.” Your voice is slightly out of breath but laced with emotion. He needs to stop doing these heart flutter inducing things.
“You’re welcome.” He murmurs, then clears his throat.
The boxes are gently transported to the backseat, you keep them in place and Bucky holds up straps which would keep them stable but now pressed. 
“No speeding tonight.” He says solemnly as you return from stashing the tray in your car.
“Unfortunately.” Your smile is sad, he chuckles drily. 
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The drive was mostly silent, apart from your occasional question about Alpine or his boss and the family. He didn’t ask you much just how work went and you prided on saying ‘fine’ without it sounding as though it was a blatant lie. Which it was but he didn’t need to know that. Yet. Your mind adds. 
Walking up to the doors was slightly challenging but Bucky took the majority of the boxes leaving you with one. He slowed down his usual pace and you couldn’t help but laugh at his sort of waddle.
“Don’t laugh.” He warns, you can’t help but giggle more.
“You look like a penguin.” You comment.
“I am not a penguin.” He grumbles, still waddling, “I’m trying to not let your babies fall.”
“You even sound like a penguin protecting their egg.” 
“It would be our egg then, since penguins mate for life. Newsflash you’re a penguin too now, Sunshine.” He grins at you, satisfied with having you be a penguin as well. 
You humour him by waddling too, coaxing a laugh from him. 
“No it’s this way, you will make our egg touch the ground.” He shows you his careful waddle.
“You’re right,” you match his pattern.
The two of you waddle along the sidewalk to keep the babies safe and waddle up the driveway. Bucky shakes his head at you when you stick your tongue out at him just as Yusuf and Muneeba open the door with bright smiles.
Bucky chuckles as you school your features, into a smile and greet them. The couple laugh with endearment and warmly welcome you into their home. 
“Here you can set these down, oh they look absolutely delicious.” Muneeba admires the cakes from the transparent top as Bucky sets them on the small table.
“This is the infamous Mr. Barnes and his fiancé, Y/N.” Yusuf introduces beaming, “And if I’m not wrong she baked these delicious looking cakes for tonight.” 
You find yourself smiling happily, “I did, I bake part time, and even um cater for events.” 
Muneeba smiles, “Well Kamala’s school always has something or the other going on and the events that happen. I will keep you in mind.” 
“That would be great, thank you so much.” Bucky chimes, his hands move to your shoulders, helping you take off your jacket, you find he took his off while you were speaking. 
“It would be, I hope you all enjoy these.” 
The older couple smiles, guiding you all through the house when a flash catches you and Bucky by surprise. 
Kamala grins as the polaroid loads. You and Bucky exchange a knowing glance.
“Hi I’m Kamala, resident photographer of the house.” She bounds up to the two of you, “Is that the cake for tonight, oh they are so cute!”  
You chuckle, “yes, they are, oh Bucky has a keen interest in photography maybe you could ask him questions?” you look towards him, he presses his lips into a thin line. 
“Really? Would that be okay?” Kamala busts out the puss-in-the-boots-eyes, Yusuf laughs.
“If i can’t say no to those, no one can.” He chuckles.
Everyone turns to Bucky, his cheeks tinge pink.
“I, sure, we can, let me just set these down?” He raises the boxes slightly and you all are led into the kitchen. You take the boxes from him to allow him time to speak to Kamala. Muneeba helps you with setting them into trays that would fit into the fridge to keep the cool till dessert time comes up.
Yusuf excuses himself to attend a call.
As you observe him from the kitchen he’s got two cameras in his hands and is explaining several things to Kamala and answering her responding questions. 
“Yusuf says he’s a hard worker.” Muneeba draws your attention away from Bucky.
“He is, the drive that he has shown over the years is commendable.” You smiled at her, you were proud of Bucky it was hard not to be, given his financial background or what you knew bits and pieces from Wanda and Steve. 
Bucky’s resilience and drive were, still are one of the things you admire about him.
“Have you been together for a long time?” She questions closing the fridge.
“Oh um, I have known him for seven years, we only got together a year ago and he proposed six months ago.” on instinct your gaze moves to the ring.
“That is more of a wedding band than an engagement ring.” she says, you try not to let it rub you the wrong way. 
“It’s beautiful.” She adds, your face morphs into shock. 
“A lot of people comment on the diamond size, don’t they?” She holds out her own hand, a gold band with a diamond similar to the one on your ring harbours her hand. 
You smile at it, “It’s gorgeous. What's the story behind it? If you don't mind me asking?” 
Muneeba smiles, “He bought it with the first commission he made. Tradition would have it he hands the first bit of his own money to his parents as a thank you but Yusuf ever the charmer went and found this, back in our hometown.” 
“And then I walked miles and miles, to return to her home and ask for her hand in marriage.” Yusuf enters the kitchen, an arm wrapping around his wife’s shoulders. 
“And my Father almost kicked him off of the house’s roof for his insubordination.” Muneeba laughs, head resting on his shoulder. 
“Luckily my brother knew what I was up to and saved me.” Yusuf chuckles, “My parents weren’t happy about my ways but one look they took at my light and they were in love too.” He kisses her forehead, she laughs, lightly swatting his chest but her hand remains there. 
Their gazes intertwine and your heart lurches wondering when would you be able to share such a look with someone.
“Are they telling you the story?” Kamala’s voice and camera flash announce her presence. 
“They are, they're really cute.” you grin at her and there is a flash opposite to you, your eyes meet blue. 
Bucky only observes you for a moment before handing the film camera back to Kamala. 
“Now there are about 29 pictures left on it, have fun with it and we can go to get it developed, if your parents agree if not I’ll get it done for you.” There is a ghost of a smile on his face, when he makes his way over to you.
“It's nice to see you in your element.” You offer, the corner of his lip twitches upward. Your hand reaches towards his hair a stray thread stuck, you pull it away. Tucking his hair back. 
Your nails softly scratch at his scalp, as your hand moves to feel the softness of his hair more, it’s grown out further, the back almost brushing his shoulders. 
Bucky closes his eyes, leaning into the small totem of affection. 
“If Y/N accompanies I’ll come along with you. She seems cool.” Kamala brings the two of you back to the present.
Bucky doesn’t like how your hand is no longer there. Your thumb traces your fingertips as if the sensation isn’t already committed to memory. 
Bucky looks towards Yusuf and Muneeba, they chuckle.
“If the two of them don’t mind and you are mindful of school work.” Muneeba instructs pointedly. 
“You can come to the office after school, meet Mr, Barnes there.” Yusuf adds, smiling when Kamala cheers and rushes to hug them.
You smile, Bucky’s hand wraps around your waist, you try to keep your surprise minimum. Leaning into his side. It is an act, he’s acting.
Bucky’s heart beats louder when you lean into him. His gesture had come naturally. 
As Yusuf and Muneeba head to the front of the home to welcome the arriving guests, Bucky realises something when you shift from him while you two also head into the living room. Kamala shows you the polaroids while keeping you away from him. He’s close enough but his body wants you closer.
He already began to feel the absence of your warmth.
“There he is!” Jimmy Woo cheerily greets Bucky with those hugs that men do, Kamala begins taking her pictures. The remainder of his family walks in, his husband and their two kids.
“Hey Jimmy.” Bucky greets back, “Lang, haven’t seen you in a while.” 
The older brunette chuckles, “You’ve been hiding someone a while, Barnes.” 
His daughter beams brightly at Kamala pulling her away from you. 
Bucky shakes his head, “Well let me introduce you.” 
You stand to the side watching Bucky interact with his co-workers. He then turns to you holding his hand out. You move over to him, taking his hand in your own.
“This is my fiancé, Y/N. Y/N, this is Jimmy Woo and Scott Lang, that is his daughter Cassie with Kamala, Mina is Jimmy’s oldest and Akira his youngest. Steven is his partner.” Bucky explains. 
“Hope is on her way, caught up at work.” Scott explains, “She’s my girlfriend.” 
You greet everyone, Mina and Akira are the sweetest little munchkins. They ask about you.
“Do you have a favourite flower?” Akira ponders, just then Mina beckons her towards Kamala and Cassie. 
“Well I quite like orchids, a while back I was obsessed with Roses.” You explain, she smiles and then scurries away with her sister. 
“I think that's the cool kids table.” You joke, Bucky hums.
“I think we can set your plate there, Sunshine.” He teases.
“You’d need to be next to me, if they certify you uncool we gotta rethink this, Mr. Barnes.” You squirm and let out a soft squeak as his digits dig into your side in a warning tickle.
Bucky pulls you closer to him, your hands rest above his own. Jimmy and Scott both look at you two as if scrutinising your every move.
“Hello Everyone.” Yusuf walks in with another family and Muneeba is speaking to the women. 
“Jimmy, Scott you both have met the Siddiquis and Singhs.” He directs their attention, Jimmy and Scott nod moving ahead for greeting. 
“Ah Scotty boy, ready to lose again?” Mr. Siddiqui teases, shaking his hand, Scott’s skin flushes as he laughs scratching his neck.
Bucky watches the interaction as you look up at him. His demeanour is suddenly tense. Hands tightening on your waist. You pat his hand, he gazes down at you. 
“You alright?” 
Bucky nods at your whisper, “Socialising isn’t a strong suit.”
“I’ll fake feeling sick if you want me too.” You grin feeling his chest rumble at your joke.
“James, this is Altaf and Meena Siddique, his sons Ali and Faiz.” Yusuf gestures, Bucky moves forward but keeps his left hand intertwined with yours as he shakes their hands.
“This is Ikbir and Harleen Singh, their kids, Bij and Jasmin.” Yusuf continues, Bucky shakes their hands.
“This is my fiancé, Y/N.” Bucky lightly tugs on your hand, you step forward and Meena and Harleen both engulf you in a hug, one by one.
Yusuf explains what work they do and Bucky asks them questions which you note leave them impressed.
“So Y/N, what do you do?” Altaf questions, taking a sip of the lemon passionfruit tea drink that Steven and Jimmy brought as their part of the potluck.
“I’m into web designing as well as I have a side business of baking.” You explain, sitting down on the chair near Bucky.
It almost seemed like a big family gettogether, the kids playing off to one side, the adults discussing various topics and catching up. The food was arranged buffet style along the edge of the living room. 
Occasionally one or the other person would leave the group to make their plates for the starters. 
You take a glance at Bucky’s plate as you stand, he’d been loving the little chicken seekh Muneeba had made, you smiled seeing him fiddle with the skewer and his gaze moving to the table. 
You make your way over and take the last chicken seekh, and one piece of the other starter. Heading back to the group Bucky passes by, he clicks his tongue seeing the seekh plate empty. 
“Something wrong?” You ask, he sighs filling in on the other starter.
“No, nothing, their discussing design wanted you to be there.” He explains without turning.
“Okay.” You head back to your place.
The topic flows and Altaf appreciates your inputs, Bucky returns a minute later. When Jimmy distracts him with a work quip that has everyone in stitches and Bucky shaking his head in disbelief, you place the seekh in his plate.
Bucky’s brows furrow when he looks down at his plate. Your plate is empty and he did see the seekh on your plate. When he looks towards you, you’re in a discussion with Jasmin about college majors for keeping several options open. 
The thought of you taking the seekh for him has his heart do the endearing somersault. Bucky’s feeling a rush of emotions at the small gesture not understanding why this piece tastes even better but he savours it. 
“Alright.” Aamir claps, drawing everyone’s attention, “Now since our bellies are slightly full and the main course is Meena Aunty’s butter chicken biryani. We have to get onto our next segment.” 
You and Bucky exchange a glance.
“The mini game night.” Tayesha declares as everyone hoots.
“Should we be worried?” Bucky chuckles, Aamir laughs then he seriously looks at the two of you.
“You should.” He deadpans, then laughs.
“Alright, the first game is individual, you need to find the hidden teddy bear.” Tayesha shows the image of the furry bear on her phone. 
“It is hidden on the ground floor only.” she adds as everyone scurries. 
Bucky and you remain seated.
“Do you not want to win?” You ask scanning the places that are resulting in disappointment.
“Oh I know where it is.” His expression is neutral.
“Where? I want it, it’s a cute bear.” You feel the competitiveness kicking into gear.
“Now, now, it’s an individual challenge, Sunshine.” 
You huff, shifting away and trying to find the bear yourself. Bucky remains calmly seated all through the search. To the credit of everyone the game lasts five minutes before all give up. Then Bucky stands heading to the chair where everyone had placed their coats and bags. 
He turns with the bear. Aamir and Tayesha begin the applause and everyone joins in, you glare at him. As he rises from his bow, he gives you a wink. 
“Now, hand the bear to your partner.” Aamir breaks his victory.
“Why?” Bucky frowns, “I won it.”
“For her.” Tayesha laughs, “If she would have won it would go to you.” 
“Yusuf, he’s reacting like you.” Ikbir laughs, patting Yusuf’s back. Everyone breaks into laughter. 
Bucky hands the bear to you as he sits down.
“Aw, we can share him.” You have the bear boop his cheek.
Bucky grumbles, Scott laughs at his ire. Hope chuckles as well.
The charades round resulted in the kid’s team winning against the adults. Bucky and you were put on their team since you both were the youngest entries into the family dinner. No one realised how easily Bucky and you flowed around each other. 
Responding to one movement of each other. 
You beam at Bucky, as the prizes are slabs of chocolates. Bucky watches you hug the kiddos and laugh with them. He wonders if this would have occurred earlier on had six years ago not taken place. Would you two have a deep understanding that would result in beating Steve and Wanda at game night instead of it always being boys v. girls? 
In which it would be set that you would go against Steve because you two would be at each other’s throats over the littlest things. 
Jimmy pats on Bucky’s shoulder. He turns to answer.
“Hey.”
“I can see why you chose to keep it under wraps.” Jimmy smiles seeing you admire the drawing Akira made earlier.
“Steven and I wanted to enjoy our little buble too.” He smiles fondly towards his husband. 
“Steven is really competitive.” Bucky chuckles, Jimmy joins in.
“Honestly all through high school we tried to one up the other.” He recalls, Steven looks at him at that point hearing the conversation.
“I beat you for valedictorian. Even at Harvard, at the top of the class, this man is always behind me.” Steven’s face flushes, Bucky wonders why.
“It’s because I wanted to stare at his great tush.” Jimmy winks at his husband who only flushes more.
“Academic rivals to husbands.” Bucky returns his gaze to you, you’re smiling up at him and it reminds him of sunshine after a cloudburst.
“Yes, so there is hope for every type of story.” Jimmy smiles at Bucky. 
“Soare (sunshine).” He hears himself whisper to you. You pick that very moment to look up at him. When your gazes lock, there is a smile on your face. Bucky’s heart does that stupid thing again. 
Then your gaze moved behind him. Tayesha was handing everyone white boards and markers.
“Alright last game before the main course.” Aamir announces. 
Then requests the couples to face each other in a lineup, they have under a minute to hold the small white board above their heads and draw their partner or person opposite to them to the best possible degree. The closest resemblance wins a secret prize. 
Bucky faces you, lips pressed into a thin line. 
“Scared, Puffin?” You tease. 
“Puffin?” He raises a brow. 
“That is your nickname. You have one for me.” You shrug. 
“Puffin? Of all things?” Bucky’s eyes harbour his offence and irritation. 
You only shrug, it irks him more. 
“Think better, Sunshine.” He rolls his eyes, then looks towards Aamir and Tayesha as they begin the countdown. 
“Nah, I’ve made up my mind.” You say as the whiteboard goes above everyone’s heads and they look at their partners. 
“You like your nickname, I don't.” He urges, beginning to draw. 
“Lets see, Puffin. Also I do not recall ever saying I liked it.” You bite back a grin as he huffs, rolling his eyes. 
The air is frantic and humours as everyone begins to doodle weirdly shaped humans. You yourself try to replicate Bucky to the best of your ability. 
Bucky’s gaze is trained on your face, the angle at which they are drawing is odd at best. He makes a last thirty second decision to redraw. You don’t look at his whiteboard too focused upon getting that little freckle near his cheek in the right position.  
The timer resounds and everyone has to one by one display their drawings. Scott and Hope had one of the closest resemblances and you felt your chances dwindling. 
Then Bucky turns his drawing and all everyone aws loudly, your gaze lifts to his whiteboard. He’s drawn the sun, given it a face and a smile. 
Your cheeks set ablaze with the flush. 
He drew you as sunshine. 
Bucky keeps his features schooled watching your reaction to the drawing. He didn’t realise everyone would gush over the adorableness of it. He just went with his heart. 
“James Barnes trying to woo everyone here.” Aamir comments, earning laughter. 
“You’re just jealous you didn’t pull that off.” Tayesha teases him. 
“I take great offence in that, meri jaan (my life).” He narrows his eyes at her, but then she breaks out into a smile. 
“Sap.” She chuckles. 
“Only yours, meri jaan.” Aamir reminds her, kissing the back of her hand. 
“That means my life right?” You ask Kamala, she nods. 
Bucky observes the longing glance you give the couple. A wistful sigh and then you fiddle with your own whiteboard. 
The attention returns to the remaining people, your drawing earns some laughs. Somehow Bucky’s hair turned into devil’s horns and Scott and Jimmy insisted that is how Bucky was in the office. A ruthless devil with a devil may care attitude. 
Bucky rolled his eyes, giving them a glare but he agreed to the sentiment. 
Kamala went around taking polaroids of the couples holding their drawings and random shots on the film camera Bucky set up for her. 
The conversation breaks off into small groups during the main course and all the delicious food has your stomach in knots over if your desserts would have the night end on a good note. 
“Y/N, would you like to set up now? I have place cards ready to signify gluten free and vegan.” Muneeba questions and you follow her into the kitchen. Bucky trails after you, knowing the trays are several. 
“Oh James, we can handle it.” You almost bump into him when you stop. 
“Will be easier to get the trays out with three people.” He shrugs, grabbing two trays of normal ones. Making his way out. 
Muneeba smiles at you, handing the gluten free ones you make sure to place them away from the normal ones and vegan ones, you even prepared a gluten free and vegan hybrid one incase anyone had stricter requirements. She herself takes on the vegan tray. 
It takes two trips but all the trays are out. You move to the side just wanting to observe. 
Steven leads his daughters towards the gluten free ones. Adoring their excited expressions as the kids tuck into them their wide smiles ease your nervousness. 
Bucky watches your hands fidget as you begin to get nervous. He wonders what causes the response. He knows the reviews you get are stellar, you should be confident in this skill.  
Your nerves don’t ease when Bucky approaches the table, taking a smaller plate and placing two mini cakes upon it. You watch him walk over to you, just as he is a few feet away he begins the waddle again. 
When he hears you laugh he resumes a human gait. 
“Puffin.” You deem yet again much to his dismay. 
Wordlessly he hands you a spoon, but then using his own spoon he brings the bite to your lips. 
“Eat, it’s good, you’ve done great, everyone is loving them.” He taps the spoon to your bottom lip. 
Your lips part as Bucky feeds you, you watch as his gaze darkens, his tongue moving over his bottom lip when your tongue swipes at the bit of buttercream on your top lip. 
This goes on, he feeds you bite after bite. Your heart hammering in your ears at the intensity of his gaze. Your eyes fall to his hands in search of respite but you get none, he had rolled up his sleeves and his tattoo was on partial display and the way his hands are your body remembers the feel of them. 
Imprinted teasingly on scarce areas of you. 
“Hear them?” His baritone is deep, bordering on sultry. 
The room fills with hums of happiness and praise that leave your cheeks aching and warm at the smile that graces your features. 
Bucky swipes at the small portion of buttercream at the corner of your lip. Bringing it to his own lips. The sound he makes has you swallow. That hum of appreciation. Your mind wanders and you pause the thoughts of what else would taste so good for him?
“Oh we have to have these for the next PTA meeting.” Harleen declares. 
“Y/N, these are really, really good.” Muneeba adds, everyone declares their agreements. 
“Thank you.” You grin, looking up at Bucky wanting to share this moment. 
“Told you.” He watches the way you light up and the earlier nervousness dwindles away. 
“Honestly with the two of them having Celiac its so difficult finding good gluten-free goods, do you do more?” Jimmy pipes up, you nod. 
He beams and turns to his daughters if they would like more cakes. 
“Barnes, you have to have your girl send her menu to everyone at the office.” Scott’s mouth is full and Hope laughs. Cassie giggles as her dad grins with his mouth covered in frosting. 
“I agree, son.” Yusuf calls out. 
You smile at all of them, your heart feeling full. 
You turn to find Bucky but he’s heading towards the kitchen. You know he wasn’t done with the cake. Did he even eat it?
Bucky stands staring down at the little cake. Everyone was praising it rightfully. The buttercream frosting was delicious each time he tasted it. His mind wondered about the way you taste. He groaned, he needed to keep the filth out of his mind. 
“James?” Your voice has him turn. 
His eyes move over you, almost protective. 
“I’m okay.” You assure him, “Just wanted to check up on you.” 
“I’m fine, just feeling a little full.” He sighs, he still struggled based on what Brock had told him you said, maybe he should just ask you. 
“You did enjoy those chicken seekhs, I bet Muneeba would give the recipe.” You try to not let him not eating the cake affect you but it does, it still did. 
“Did you get any orders?” He distracts the two of you. 
“There are some inquiries.” You look back out as there is laughter in the living room. 
“Come back out?” You request, offering your hand. 
“In a moment.” He stares at your hand, not missing the slight shake before you retract it. 
“Okay, Puffin.” Your voice wavers, but you turn heading towards the guest bathroom. 
He’s just playing along, he doesn’t want anything to do with you beyond public displays. 
Your mind urges to remind your heart. Your heart brings up the soft moments shared through the night. Disallowing your mind to ruin them. 
Staring at yourself in the mirror was never great, you had been avoiding it all night. The confrontation with yourself. Wondering if your ethical integrity bit you in your ass?
Bucky re-enters the living room, he does end up eating the cake. It wasn’t as delicious as the brownie but he loved it. The way you made flavours work was something he knew was a skill and asset. 
His frown deepens when he still can’t locate you. 
He catches Hope’s gaze and she points to the guest bathroom, he walks over. 
Before he can knock he hears a quiet sniffle. 
Your hands grip the counter, you try to keep quiet. You don’t need to cry in the midst of such a happy event that makes you wonder when was the last time your family ever did something like this? 
The water runs as you do your best to hide evidence of breakdowns and tears. Over the years you had gotten good at it. 
Bucky leans against the opposite wall waiting for you to come out. Has he upset you? Were you not enjoying the night? You seemed alright. 
The lock clicks and you step out. Bucky observes you, not a trace that you were crying. If he hadn’t heard the sniffle he wouldn’t have guessed you cried. 
“Oh, Puffin, hey.” You smile at him. 
“Sunshine.” He acknowledges. 
“Sorry I realised my mascara turned clumpy so it took a while to get my lashes looking decent, again.” You walk past him but his fingers wrap around your forearm pulling you back. He has you between the wall and him. 
“James.” You chastise looking to the side, anyone would walk in and see the two of you. 
“Sunshine.” He gazes down at you, caging you in, a mischievous smile. 
Your hands rest on his chest. Warmth seeping into your palms. 
“Anyone could see—,” 
“Let them.” The tip of his nose brushes along your jaw. 
“James.” Your voice is breathless, you feel his stubble graze over the spot beneath your earlobe. 
The soft sigh you make sinks into his blood. He repeats the action. The sound amplified. 
“Prettiest sounds.” He praises, you feel your nipples harden and clit pulse. 
He shouldn’t ask, shouldn’t ruin this stolen moment. 
“Why were you crying?” He whispers. 
You tense, “I-I wasn’t.” 
“I heard your sniffle, Sunshine. It isn’t of any use lying.” His hand moves from your waist to your jaw making you look into his eyes. 
“It’s nothing important.” When your gaze shifts his grip tightens you look back into his storming blue eyes. 
“It is important.” He presses, fingertips now stroking the skin of your jaw. 
You close your eyes, the gesture already fueling the inferno that craved affection to process everything. The weight in your chest tightens you don’t know how long you can keep this up. You felt genuine happiness through the night. You don’t want it to crumble. 
Bucky watches you, even with your eyes closed he realises you’re struggling with something. He doesn’t understand why he’s so adamant to know what is wrong. Why does he want to fix the issue?
“C-Can we discuss this later?” You hate how weak you sound, “I don’t want to ruin how the night is going.” 
“Alright.” Bucky gently releases you, the air changes.
The thick tension dissolves and Bucky finds he can breathe slightly easier. You look up at him, he moves his gaze away from you that very moment. 
“We should head back.” You move towards the bathroom again, giving yourself a once over. 
Bucky says nothing, only nods. 
As you both walk back to the living area, you reach for his hand. Bucky intertwines your fingers with his giving a light squeeze. 
The Singhs are the first to leave when you spot bags in almost everyone’s hands you wonder how Muneeba was able to to package the food for everyone after the feast. 
As the families begin to leave the conversation dwindles, Mrs. Singh takes your number and texts you from the car about an upcoming order she would like you to cater. 
Bags are thrust into yours and Bucky’s hands Muneeba grinning brightly. Yusuf smiles as they walk you and Bucky to the door. 
When Yusuf doesn’t shake hands with Bucky but envelopes him into a hug and a pat on the head. The same pink tinge takes over his features, tendrils of his hair brush his cheekbones and you feel yourself admire him yet again. 
When Yusuf turns to you with an unreadable expression you wonder breifly if you messed up in some way. 
“Thank you for coming.” He says, the same head pat and a hug from Muneeba engulfs you. 
“Can you both adopt me?” You chuckle, trying not to let the emotions get to you. 
The couple laughs, “Consider yourself already family , Y/N.” Yusuf smiles as his wife nods. 
Bucky watches how much those words mean to you, part of him hating how deceiving you two were being. You look up at him. Bucky leans forward, his lips brushing against your temple. 
Your free hands intertwine yet again as the two of you walk back to Bucky’s car. Once in the quiet familiar background you find yourself deflating. 
“Thank you.” You look at his side profile, illuminated by the streetlights. 
“For what?” His expression is neutral. 
“You could have made up a reason to not attend, but you didn’t and well, while I feel bad lying to them. I, I had fun, I felt like it was one big family. That I was a part of it.” 
At the stoplight Bucky looks at you, “Thank you for coming along.” He says nothing else as he begins to drive as the lights turn green. You study him for a few moments more before turning your gaze away onto the road. 
“Also Puffins aren’t Penguins, Sunshine.” He speaks up nearing your apartment. 
“I know.” You giggle. 
“We established penguins.” Something within Bucky commits the sound of your laugh to memory. 
“I know, Puffin.” You tease, he huffs. 
“Why?” Blue eyes flicker to you. 
“Because ‘penguin’ is too long to say.” You shrug. 
“Oh so is length an issue for you?” He smirks, “It shouldn’t be.” 
You lick your lips, “Shut up, you’re puffin.” 
“I refuse to be anything other than a penguin.” His right hand moves off the steering wheel to emphasise his point. He turns the wheel with the palm of his left. 
“Okay, so then,” You will yourself not to lose your train of thought, do not look at those forearms.
“Then?” He sounds smug. 
Those fucking forearms.
“Then,” you look at his face, “Puffin is code for penguin.” 
“What?” He makes a face, nose scrunched and his dislike dripping . 
“It’s a nickname, when I say puffin, you will know I mean penguin.” You explain laughing at his irritation. 
“Sunshine, that isn’t right.” 
“What would you prefer? It’s either a puffin or a baby penguin?”
“Nestling, yes.” 
“Chick, the most commonly used term is chick.” 
He stays quiet, two fingers resting over his lips as he contemplates his choices. 
You only grin. 
Bucky grumbles under his breath. 
You grin wider. 
“I’m sorry, what was that, puffin?” 
“Wipe that grin off your face, Sunshine.” 
“Nope, I don’t think I will. Puffin.” 
“I’m only allowing it since I know you mean penguin.” His hand returns to the steering wheel. 
“Was that so hard?” 
“Extremely.” 
“Aww, little troubled Puffin.” You chuckle, he pulls into the parking of your building. 
His phone chimes, he ignores it. 
As you move out of the car he retrieves your bag of food. Locking the car he walks over to your side. 
“I’m walking you up.” He explains in a tone that leaves no room to protest. 
You nod, walking with him. 
Bucky’s phone chimes several times in succession. 
“It could be important.” You urge, he glances at the notification tab. 
“It’s pictures of the night, from Yusuf’s phone. Kamala sent the ones she took across and some videos.” 
“That’s nice.” You smile, retrieving your keys, you walk ahead, a part of you doesn’t want to open the door. It had been so nice not fighting and no animosity. 
Bucky wonders why the evening passed by in a blur. Though he had been hoping for it to be this way. He didn’t like that the time together was ending. 
You open the door, he waits for you to let him inside.
“Come on in, Puffin.” You smile at his grimace, “It means penguin, lose the frown.” 
Your chastisement earns you the loss of his frown but no smile.
As he sets down the bag you move to empty it offering him a bottle in exchange. His phone chimes again, he opens the device. More images, then a series of texts from Steve. He frowns.
Steve: Hey, you’re out with Y/N tonight right? Keep an eye on her.
“You really enjoyed those chicken seekhs.” You comment on seeing the box of them.
“They were good.” He doesn’t look up as he speaks.
Steve: I know you might be busy but don’t say anything that results in a fight. Wanda said she’s had a really tough evening. 
Bucky replies back to Steve asking what is wrong. 
Steve: She got fired, there was some issue at work, a coworker ratted her out for speaking to the client since a few of them suspected the boss to be lying to the client. She was going to fire the entire team but she took the hit on herself. 
Bucky: Has she gone crazy?
Steve: a teammate just gave birth, it almost reminds me of you standing up for May to get equal pay at your old job. 
Bucky: Steve, the estimate you sent for the trip, how is she? Her rent even? And I did not get fired, I threatened to quit.
The typing bubble appears.
You place the box into the bag to give it to Bucky.
“You can take these, you like them more–,”
“You got fired? Why didn’t you say anything?” He cuts you off.
You purse your lips, “Steve asked you to check in?” 
“Sunshine, if you had so much going on we could have avoided going.”
The usage of the nickname in a non teasing context has you pause. 
“James, I have savings and I already uploaded my CV to job portals. I was fired, yes, but the boss was looting the client and Christina is a two faced bitch undermining me as team leader and she spoke to Viper before the bloody meeting. I couldn’t stand it. She threatened to fire my entire team and Yelena just joined in and needs to pay for her education, Maria and Natasha just had a baby. I have baking and though it isn’t much I can get by, plus freelancing.”
Bucky just stares at you, “You’re incredibly–,”
His phone rings on the counter, Shaina’s name displays across the screen.
There is a jolt in your chest, it’s around ten, he wasn’t supposed to stay. He looks up at you. You stare at the phone, trying to understand why you feel as if your heart has a crack. None of this is real. None of tonight was real. Not a single thing. Maybe he even lied to Steve about not seeing Shaina.
“You should go.” You sound cold even to yourself.
“Sunshine, I–,” 
You push the bag against his chest, his palm holds it there.
“I told you it was okay for you to see other people, we’re just doing this for their parents and now your boss and co-workers. I’m sorry if you have to keep her under wraps, I know you probably want–,”
She calls again, cutting you off. 
“I cut it off before that night.” He explains, you shake your head. 
“James, I’m no one. You don’t need to explain. I just think I would like to be alone.” You lie, you want nothing more than for someone to be there with you.
His jaw clenches at your words then he nods.
You walk till the door, your hands shake on the door knob. When you shut the door behind him resting your forehead against the wood the sobs you were holding inside bubble over. 
Bucky pauses at the sound, hand reaching for your doorbell. 
The phone rings again and he cuts the call trying to send the message to Shaina. 
He walks to the elevator and down to the car, his movements mechanical. He reads through Steve’s messages.
Steve: And you did quit even though it would be to be set back by a year at Kamal. 
Bucky: Shaina called in front of Y/N.
Steve: oh, didn’t you cut it off way before the date that was avoided because of your fiancé strategizing with Y/N?
Bucky: yeah
Steve: how did she respond
Bucky: she said it was okay for me to see her, she apologised for having Shaina to be under the radar, then she said she didn’t need my reasonings because she was a no one. 
Steve: I can see where she’s coming from, Beck’s entire relationship, at least what Wanda and I know now… It was pretty ugly.
Bucky: She’s not a ‘no one’.
Steve: Did you tell her that?
Bucky stares at the five words, his or Steve’s he doesn’t know. He’s out of the car, retracing his path to you. Impatiently he waits for the elevator tapping his foot. Pressing your floor several times to have the doors shut. His large strides have him outside your door in no time.
The incessant knocking irritates you. You wipe your eyes and blow your nose before answering. 
“Did you forget something, Puffin?” you ask him, he crosses the threshold, shutting the door behind him as you shuffle backward. 
“You aren’t a no one, Sunshine.” He tells you, wills you to listen.
“James.” Your throat tightens, his left palm cups your cheek.
“You are not a no one.” Bucky repeats, his right hand moves to your waist, pulling you closer. Your hands move to his shoulders.
Before you can say anything you feel his lips brushing over yours, you tilt your head. Meeting his lips. The kiss turns greedy, both of you wanting to taste the other. The taste of caramel stays upon his tongue. 
Bucky hums into the kiss, when your hand moves to his hair, nails softly scraping over his scalp before tugging him closer. His tongue moves along your bottom lip, you tug on his bottom lip, sucking upon it as he groans against you. Fingers brushing along your neck heading down your body.
He lifts you up, turning so you’re pressed between the wall and him. You preen as you feel him grind against you. You nip at his lips again, the kiss growing more primal. Bucky’s hand moves under your shirt, having you arch against him. 
You pull away for air tugging on his lips, his mouth latches to your neck in search of spots that will make him hear your pretty sounds. You whimper as he locates the spot on your neck. He nips at the flesh. Your hands paw at his shirt, trying to unbutton his shirt wanting to feel more of his skin.
“Are you clean?” You whisper, biting on your bottom lip. You didn’t want to ruin anything, but you had to ask.
“Got tested a month ago, clean bill of health.” He answers, looking right into your eyes.
“I’m clean too.” You tell him. 
“Never hesitate to ask.” He reminds you, “Or to stop me, or say no.”
You nod, his thumb traces over your kiss bitten lips. Hearing your sigh he gives you those half smirks that you’ve read about. Lips back on yours, hands squeezing your flesh. You whimper into the kiss. Bucky pulls away, wanting to hear you.
“Let me hear those pretty sounds, Sunshine. So fucking gorgeous.” His voice is deep, almost ravenous. 
He grinds against you in sync with his stubble brushing over the spot on your sternum. He draws out a moan from you, louder than before. He pulls your top off. Mouth tracing the now exposed top of your breasts.
“Good girl.” His praise has you arch yet again, your hips bucking searching for more friction. 
“James,” Your fingers dig into his shoulders, “Need, need more.” you moan yet again as he teases you with another grind of his hardened length against your aching core with his stubble teasing your skin. 
“Bucky. You’re going to be screaming Bucky tonight.” He seals his words with a promising kiss. 
He lets you unbutton his shirt, your lips on his neck, you feel him growl as your lips ghost below his Adam's apple. Pushing his shirt off your palms trace over his arms. Bucky watches you admire him, he moves a hand one by one to keep you propped up as he gets rid of the shirt. 
“You’re beautiful.” You whisper, meeting his eyes and pulling him in for another kiss. His palm cups your cheek yet again, you lean into his warmth. Into him.
Setting your trembling legs down he sinks to his knees.
A thin ring of blue surrounds his pupils, as he watches you through hooded eyes unbuttoning your jeans and pushing them down your legs, he licks his lips in anticipation looking at your soaked panties. 
“Sunshine, are you this eager for me?” He teases, helping you out of your jeans and then the panties. He kisses his way from your calf to your thigh. Your right leg is placed over his shoulder. He bites down on the flesh of your mound, tongue tracing down from the apex to your clit. 
You moan as he sucks upon the flesh. His stubble brushing over your folds.
“Fucking divine, Sunshine.” He moans, your fingers tug harshly on his hair.
“Bucky,” Your hips seek his tongue every time he pulls back. 
Bucky moves his tongue through your folds, lapping at the arousal he caused, his tongue flicks over your clit, your mind begins to melt into mush. Ever so often he moans, the vibrations drawing sparks along your spine. 
Bucky, Bucky, Bucky. 
You find yourself being drawn towards the edge.
“I know, Sunshine.” 
You look down at him as his fingers tease your entrance, his lips glistening, stubble coated with arousal. His skin flushed. His warm breath fans over your slick folds, he sinks one finger into you. The digit thick as he pumps his finger, Bucky groans as your walls clench around his fingers. 
He watches your chest rise and fall with your gasps, he lazily moves his finger, curving over your walls in search of the spot that would make you fall apart. He adds another finger to his thrusts.
“F-fuck! Bucky!” You moan as his fingers brush along your walls. He latches his mouth onto your clit. He continues his thrusts right over the spot that had you cry out angling his fingers that his middle finger grazes over and over. 
Your moans grow louder, thighs shaking around his face and your knee flexes further, drawing his body closer. Your scent engulfing him, mind, body and soul being devoured by you as he devours your weeping core. 
“Bucky I’m–,” The orgasm hits you breaking off your warning words and coating him in your arousal, Bucky’s responding moan makes you cry out. Teeth nip at your clit making you jolt, his fingers stay buried lazily tapping over that spongy spot. 
Drawing aftershocks from you he grins wickedly when his mouth pulls away. 
Your eyes fall to half mast when he licks his lips, “Even better than your desserts, Sunshine.” 
Your brain melts into a puddle.
“This might just be my favourite.” He licks his fingers clean next, slowly he moves your limb down, supporting your weight. You swallow thickly as the orgasm dies down, skin heating as you take him in as he stands. 
Sweat lightly coats his body, a flush spreads across his chest. Your nails have left little indents into his shoulder.
“That was,” Your mind searches for your vocabulary.
He chuckles, the laugh rumbling in his chest, “I know, I feel the same.”
“But I didn’t do anything–,”
“Oh you did plenty with the way you responded.” He assures, pushing a stray strand of your hair back. 
“Can, could you sit on the couch, Puffin?” You try to sound not too dazed.
“Why?” He raises a brow.
“Because I want to taste you too.” your hand moves down his chest, over his abdomen the muscles lightly flex under your touch.
“Fuck.” He mutters you undo the button, slowly dragging the zipper down. Your eyes trained upon him. Bucky groans when you palm him. 
“Sunshine.” he says breathlessly, you meet his eyes.
You reach up to kiss him, tasting yourself on them. Your hands push at the pants, they fall to the ground Bucky steps out of them. Aimlessly while kissing you walk forwards, having him back towards the couch. He bites down on your lip harshly when you palm him yet again. 
Your index finger grazes over the trail of hair under the waistband of his boxers. Bucky groans, your thighs clench at the sound. He helps you in ridding himself of the last bit of clothing. His hands reach to unclasp your bra, discarding it as well.
You take in his length, fingertip tracing the vein to the slight curve, a bead of precum coats him. You lick your lips in anticipation. Just as you shift to kneel, his hands prevent you from doing so, he moves to where his pants are, retrieving them and folding them in half onto your hardwood floors.
Bucky sits on the couch, his cock hitting his abdomen, you move to your knees.
His girth and length both impressive, his hand comes to caress your cheek, “Take what you can.” he whispers softly. 
You say nothing, leaning closer, licking a stripe from tip to base and back up. Your palms on his hair covered thighs to support yourself.
Bucky moans when your mouth wraps around him, slowly taking him in halfway then back up, your tongue swiping on his head. You repeat the motion, taking him more and more, till your nose grazes his pelvis, you moan around him.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” He moans, his hips lightly thrust, you whimper, eyes tearing up, “You feel so good.”
You cup his balls, massaging them, his hips buck again, “Y/N, if you keep doing that, I'm not going to last.” 
You pull away from him still massaging his balls, squeezing them.
“Who said I want you to last?” Your voice has a rasp and you smirk then take him in all the way, moaning around him. His hand grasps your head. You control the pace but his grip begins to tighten.
You increase your pace, both on his length and your teasing touches turn longer, a little harder. Bucky finds himself climbing towards euphoria, his skin flushed and breaths frantic and when you look up at him. His cock in your mouth he keeps his eyes open, watching you take his seed as he cums in your mouth.
The salty taste has you humming, he grips your head to stop you from moving as he cums but you want to have his orgasm last, so you grab his wrist. Continuing till he hisses and his cock begins to soften before you let go of him.
“That was…” Bucky breathes hard, eyes sparkling anew.
“I know, I feel the same.” You smile at him. 
Bucky reaches over to your side table grabbing the water bottles you keep there. He opens one and gives it to you after he has you sit up on the couch. He then opens one for himself, chugging it in half.
He contemplates before speaking, “I hope you aren’t expecting more, I didn’t exactly carry protection.” 
“I don’t have any on me either, I think it’s okay.” You shrug, he nods.
“Good.” he clears his throat looking back at the bottle.
“I know this probably doesn’t mean anything.” You tell him, he looks up at you quizzically, you continue, “It's fine if it's a one off, I don’t expect anything from you, Puffin.”
“What if I don’t want it to be a one off?” He says, you stare at him.
“Are you proposing a fake fiancé with benefits?” You ask, he nods.
“Can I take the remainder of the weekend to think about it?” You request.
“Ofcourse, if you need longer that too.” He assures, standing up and retrieving his boxers. He hands you your discarded clothes as well. 
On opposite sides of the room you put your clothes back on. He watches you turn to face him. 
“Text me once you get home?” You request he nods.
You walk him to the door once again.
“I meant what I said, you are not a no one.” He repeats at the threshold.
“Puffin.” You say in warning.
“Sunshine.” He matches your tone.
“I’ll text you.” He breaks the gaze lock you both were in, this time you watch him enter the elevator and head down before closing and locking your door.
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AN: ooooh 12k words and i loved each of them, i know it probably got super long in the middle but i just had so much fun exploring the khan family dynamic and giving the reader a happy family memory. also mr barnes how can you say “Bucky. You’re going to be screaming Bucky tonight.” and not expect us to scream into the void? let me know what you all thought!! thank you for reading!!!!!
tagging: @slutforsexyseabass @elle14-blog1 @sxnshinebxcky @sebsgirl71479 @pandaxnienke @stevesmewmew @tfandtws @povlvr @tanyaspartak  @maggiejackson3  @brodymarx @ladylee76 @buckymcbuckbarnes @stickyjudgeturtleghost (strikedthrough if unable to be tagged)
taglist open!!
128 notes · View notes
matrose · 6 months
Text
dashboard from an alternate world where children of time series is big on tumblr
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🌠isal41n
are we gonna adress how toxic kern was in regards to meshner or are we just gonna continue worshipping that evil bitch lmfao
🌌🔁lesbianspider
Says the person with a Lain url? As if she didn’t literally manipulate Holsten and also BABYTRAP HIM. Check your own faves first maybe, Ignoramus
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🌄nodian-org
one reblog = one forehead kiss for senkovi :3
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🎆h0lsten
"more morally grey women in media!!" you guys couldnt even handle isa lain
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🌃octopi-in-the-sky
if i have to see another fucking person shipping senk////iel im gonna end it all. its not cute and senkovi didnt even like him and hes asexual so?????
🌇🔁s3nkiels
ok first of all he can be asexual and still be with yusuf and its not even confirmed so maybe do some research second of all youre being limiting and homophobic and you might as well just stop reading these books because theyre not FOR YOU. third of all if you maybe take a
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🏞️miranda-lain
guys i‘m crying about lain and holsten again ☹️
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🎇oldearth-angel01✅✅✅
A NEW FEELING (PART 7) [18+]
AVRANA KERN x FEM!READER
A/N: You Guys wouldn‘t stop asking for another part so I am here to humbly deliver! Hope you like it and thanks to Bun for beta-reading, as always! 💜
Wordcount: 4.7k
Kern - no, you were supposed to call her Avrana now - smiled her sardonic smile at you, her lips curling. "Do you really understand what you are
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🩻com-putergirls
"more morally grey women in media!!" you guys couldnt even handle dr. avrana kern
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🌁meshn3rs
just posted my new lante/kern/meshner ff on ao3 🙈🙈 nsfw warning y‘all 😝
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🎑kalveenrani
guysss its so hard being like the only fan of a character 😭😭 why is there no content for my girl rani 😭
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🌅lanterma
portia and bianca are sooo wuthering heights coded for real
19 notes · View notes
soulmatebracket · 1 year
Note
Hi ! Could you post a list of who has been submitted so far ? (With the number of submissions for each if possible)
If that's too much work i completely understand and humbly request to know if more that one person (aka me) have submitted Obi-Wan and Anakin
[Disclaimer‼️ Just because a pairing has three or two votes does not mean that they are automatically going into the bracket. Pairings with 1 vote might also make it in if I like them enough. We will not be starting arguments over if they should or should not have made it in.]
Totalling at 235 submissions so far!
Will be in the bracket:
Usagi Tsukino & Mamoru Chiba, Sailor Moon, IIIII (prelims)
Sailor Senji, Sailor Moon, III (prelims)
Link & Zelda, The Legend of Zelda, IIIIIIIII (prelims)
Link & Zelda & Ganandorf, The Legend of Zelda, IIIII (prelims)
Link & Fi, The Legend of Zelda, I (prelims/bc i like this ones)
Inuyasha & Kagome Higurashi, Inuyasha, IIII
Aziraphale & Crowley, Good Omens, IIIIIII
That Guy and Their Cat, Real Life, IIIII
Homura & Madoka, Puella Magi Madoka Magica, IIII
Eleanor Shelstroph & Chidi Anagone, The Good Place, IIIIII
Kim Dokja and Yoo Joonghyuk, Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint, IIIII
Captain Kirk & Mister Spock, Star Trek, IIII
Naruto Uzumaki & Sasuke Uchiha, Naruto, IIII
Grian & Scar, The Life Series, IIIIII
Submission Box
Three Votes:
Breekon & Hope, The Magnus Archives
The Doctor & The Master, Doctor Who
Xie Lian & Hua Cheng, Heavens Official’s Blessing
Hawkman & Hawkwoman, DC Comics
Doctor Doofenshmirtz & Perry the Platypus
Meliodas & Elizabeth, Seven Deadly Sins
Ash & Pikachu, Pokemon Anime
Two Votes:
Sakura & Syaoran, Cardcaptor Sakura
Wei Wuxain & Lan Wangji, Mo Dao Su Shi, II
Utena & Anthy, Revolutionary Girl Utena
Judai Yuki & Yubel, Yugioh X
FitzChivalry Farseer & Beloved/the Fool, Realm of the Elderlings
Yusuf “Joe” Al Kaysani & Nicolo “Nicky” Di Genova, The Old Guard
Finn the Human & Jake the Dog, Adventure Time
Sakura & Syaoran Li, Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles
Eiji Hino & Ankh, Kamen Rider OOO
Gon Freecss & Killua Zoldyck, Hunter x Hunter
The Entire Cast of Phineas and Ferb, Phineas and Ferb
Harrowhark Nonagesimus & Gideon Nav, The Locked Tomb
Daniel & Luce. Fallen
Gilgamesh & Enkidu, The Epic of Gilgamesh
Kaidan Alenko & Commander Shepard, Mass Effect
Raleigh Becket & Mako Mori, Pacific Rim
Adrien Agreste & Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Miraculous Ladybug
Bebop & Rocksteady, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Katarina Claes & Sophia Ascart, My Next Life as a Villainess
One Vote:
Mieczyslaw Stilinki & Lydia Martin, Teen Wolf
Spiderman & Deadpool, Marvel Comics
Beavis & Butthead, Beavis and Butthead
Obanai Iguro & Mitsuri Kanroji, Demon Slayer
Emma/Melinda & Dimitri/Edred, Unicorn: Warriors Eternal
Dean & Pharm, Until We Meet Again
Kaiou Michiru & Tenou Haruka, Sailor Moon
Zunzite & Zoisite, Sailor Moon
Phoenix Wright & Miles Edgeworth, Ace Attorney
Witch of Delays & Cure Oasis, Tropical Rouge Pecure
John Doe & Arthur Lester, Malevolent
Hani & Hinino Yamato, Hiraeth: The End of the Journey
Dream /Morpheus & Hob Gadling, The Sandman
Adachi & Shimamura, Adachi and Shimamura
Edward Nygma & Oswald Cobblepot, Gotham (2014)
Zelda & Ganondorf, The Legend of Zelda
Reginald Copperbottom & Right Hand Man, The Henry Stickmin Collection
Henry Stickmin & Ellie Rose, The Henry Stickmin Collection
Jonny D’Ville & Gunpowder Tim, Mechanisms
Merlin & Arthur, Merlin
Vash & Knives, Trigun
Siren & Kappa, Castle Swimmers
Ruby & Sapphire, Steven Universe
Om Kapoor & Shanti Priya, Om Shanti Om
Solane & Sym, I Was Teenage Exocolonist
Will Herondale & Tessa Gray & Jem Carstairs, The Shadowhunter Chronicles
Agent 3 & Agent 8, Splatoon 2
James Sunderland & Maria, Silent Hill 2
Macaque & Sun Wukong, Lego Monkey Kid
Tang Sanzang (reincarnated as Tang), Shah Wujing (reincarnated as Sandy), Zhu Bajie (reincarnated as Pigsy), Ao Lie (ancestor of Mei), and Sun Wukong (ancestor of MK), Lego Monkey Kid, Journey To The West
Nadja & Gregor, What We Do In The Shadows
Catherine Foster & The Ghost, Archivist Wasp
Kaworu Nagisa and Shinji Ikari, Neon Genesis Evangelion
Kiryu Kazuma & Majima Goro, Yakuza / Ryu Ga Gotoku
Red & Blue, This is How You Lose the Time War
Church & Tex, Red vs Blue
Rand al'Thor and Ishamael/Moridin, Wheel of Time
Birgitte Silverbow and Gaidal Cain, Wheel of Time
Beryl and Sapphire, Beryl and Sapphire
Kiana Kaslana & Raiden Mei, Honkai Impact 3rd
Banjo & Sento, Kamen Rider Build
Orpheus & Eurydice, Greek Mythology
Odysseus & Penelope, Greek Mythology
Emet Selch & Hythlodaeus & Azem, Final Fantasy XIV
Yona & the Four Dragons (Ki-ja, Shin-ah, Jae-ha and Zeno), Akatsuki no Yona
Akane Kurashiki & Junpei, Zero Escape
Ryo Asuka & Akira Fudo, Devilman
Zagreus & Megaera & Thanatos, Hades
Megatron & Optimus Prime, Transformers
Emma Swall & Killian Jones, Once Upon A Time
Rumplestiltskin & Belle, Once Upon A Time, I Snow White & Prince Charming, Once Upon A Time
Percy Jackson & Annabeth Chase, Percy Jackson
Buttercup & Westley, The Princess Bride
Orchid & the Moon Supreme, Love Between Fairy and Devil
Blake Belladonna & Yang Xiao Long, RWBY
Ozma & Reincarnations, RWBY
Raava/The Avatar Spirit & Wan/The Avatar, Avatar: The Last Airbender
Johnny Silverhand & Vee, Cyberpunk 2077
Newt & The Brain/Alice, Pacific Rim
Dr. Strange & Dr. Christine Palmer, Marvel Comics
Bill & Ted, Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure
Lucifer & God, Abrahamic Religions
David and Jonathan, The Bible
Mickey Mouse & Minnie Mouse, Disney
Cinderella & Prince Charming, Disney
Dean WInchester & Castiel, Supernatural
Essek Theylss & Caleb Widogast, Critical Role
Lup Taako & Barold "Barry" Bluejeans, The Adventure Zone
Taako & Magnus Burnsides & Merle Highchurch, The Adventure Zone
Steve Rogers & James “Bucky” Barnes, Captain America Films
Mane 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Raven & Lloyd Allen, Shaperaverse
Nijigasaki High School Idol Club, Love Live Nijigasaki High School Idol Club
Shinichi Kudo & Ran Mouri, Detective Conan
Kusuriuri & Kayo/Chiyo Nomoto, Mononoke
Shun Shimotsuki & Hajime Mutsuki, Tsukiuta
Nanami Momozono & Tomoe, Kamisama Kiss
Red & The Boxer, Transistor
Yvaine & Tristan, Stardust
Jayfeather & Half Moon, Warrior Cats
Time & Fate, The Starless Sea
Sappo, Fragment 147
Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Star Wars
Ichabod Crane & Abbie Mills, Sleepy Hollow
Aragon & Arewn, The Lord of the Rings
Will Turner & Elizabeth Swan, Pirates of the Caribbean
Tom & Jerry, Tom & Jerry
Bugs Bunny & Daffy Duck, Looney Toons
Batman & The Joker, DC Comics
Akira Kurusu/Joker & Akechi Goro, Persona 5
Mytho & Ahiru, Princess Tutu
Dazai Osamu & Chuuya Nakahara, Bungo Stray Dogs
Koh & Canalo, Ryusoulger
Gai & Juggler, Ultraman Orb
Sonoi & Momou, Donbrothers
Haruka & Saruhara, Donbrothers
The Scooby Doo Gang, Scooby Doo
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demigoddessqueens · 1 year
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love letters
read on ao3 //ongoing series
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A/N - I just think Yusuf deserves more fics/love
Sweetest sevgilim,
Before Ezio dares to read another one of my letters to you, I write with fervor for you. Though I know you are of great strength and ferocity, I worry whenever we are apart. I know you have that all-knowing smirk whenever I languish over you, and I have half a mind to kiss that away when I see you next. Perhaps I may carry out that promise when I see you next, holding you close as we both like.
Forever,
A rogue who’s heart you’ve stolen,
Yusuf Tazim
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romancingromanoff · 1 year
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Night Terrors
Andromache the Scythian x f!reader
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I decided to create a series of loosely related one shots for Andromache (my beloved). Here’s part 1 
Summary: A revisit to your past and you learn about an old member
TW: Mentions of child abuse, torture, choking, drowning
Word count: 2,437
After a long day of training you were completely spent. Already feeling the soreness start to settle in while you ate dinner with the team, you went straight to bed after that. It hadn’t taken very long for you to drift off into the realm of dreams.
Nicky and Joe were the first to notice you thrashing in your sleep. The two were trying to inconspicuously sneak back inside the safe house late at night when they heard some concerning noises coming from the corner where your mattress was.
You took a deep gasp of air as you were pulled up to a sitting position, a firm hand supporting your upper back. Could it be her? It was too dark to register anything besides the lingering sense of danger that wafted around you.
“Stop! Don’t touch me!” Desperately trying to get away from your assailant, you threw yourself out of bed and painfully landed on your left shoulder.
“Y/N, it’s us, Nicky and Joe. You’re safe, kid. It was just a bad dream.”
Once you were able to recognize the two pairs of eyes nervously staring at you the panic began to subside. You were awake and it was only a nightmare.
“Let me help you up.” Joe reached out for your hand but both of yours immediately grabbed at your own throat. It still felt like she was suffocating you. Nicky turned the lights on causing you to shield your eyes from their brightness.
“Is everything okay?” Your head shot up right as Andy burst in on the scene, the right side of her head had a few hairs sticking up and her eyes looked slightly groggy. They seemed to widen when she caught sight of you on the floor. “Y/N! What happened?”
“I-I…”
“Is everyone alright?” Booker nearly tripped into the room but caught himself and leaned on the back of the couch. “If it’s another spider I really don’t want to deal with it. I had to kill the last one.”
“Y/N was having a nightmare,” Joe explained and the Frenchman’s expression seemed to change.
“What did you see, kid?”
The clashing realities began to slowly fade with every breath you took. Still, the muffled voice of the strange woman rang in your ear. Andy whispered something soft and comforting in your other one. It was a language you didn’t recognize.
Andy, oh sweet Andy. Your ruthless leader. Only a few hours ago she shared a story about the time she took out a dozen assassins with just a leather belt and some duct tape. Now here she was rubbing small circles against your back and holding your hand to stop you from hurting yourself any further. You glanced at each of your other team members and noticed how silent it had become, yet none of them pushed you to talk. All they offered you was unwavering patience and understanding. Wiping the tears from your face, you eventually spoke as your grasp on reality strengthened.
“My mother. She choked me for so long once when I was seventeen that I nearly died. It felt so real though.”
There’s a shift from each of your teammates at your confession, each one slightly different with how they react. Joe shakes his head in disgust and his lips form a thin flat line. Booker’s face breaks and he gazes at you with pity. Nicky sighs deeply, you think he might try to reach out to you at that moment but he holds himself back. By now they know how easily triggered you are by touch even if you trust them.
Andy was the one to rest her hand on your shoulder. Only she was allowed right now. You could tell it was hers before she even made full contact. When you faced her, it reminded you of the first time you had met and she had promised to protect you. She looked more determined now than ever.
She squeezed your shoulder ever so gently and you knew you were safe.
“I could’ve sworn I was back there reliving that exact moment and then… it switched.”
In your dream, you began to lose consciousness as your mother continued to grip at your life force and dark patches blurred your vision. But instead of the light returning as oxygen once again filled your lungs like it had in the moment, the darkness became all encompassing. You weren’t simply imagining it was there, you could feel that nothing but pitch black blanket stretched on for miles in every direction. And though you’d never swam in the sea, you knew exactly where you were.
“I saw a woman trapped in a giant metal coffin at the bottom of the ocean. She kept drowning and coming back, drowning and coming back all alone in the darkness. It was like I could feel her anger, her rage.”
The other immortals exchanged knowing glances which made you worried. A thick silence hung in the air, allowing the nerves to creep back up your spine.
“Did I… Did I say something wrong?”
“No, of course not,” Joe assured you while Book and Nicky quickly joined in. “We’re glad you told us, Y/N.”
But Andy suddenly seemed a million miles away.
They tell you all about Quynh and the events that transpired during the witch trials, the decades they spent searching for anyone who might know where she was, only for all of their efforts to end with the same results. The mere thought of having to endure such never-ending suffering with no hope of escaping the cycle makes purgatory itself seem merciful and brief.
“It’s why we fear capture,” Nicky says. “It’s also why Andy blames herself after all of these years.”
“Why do you blame yourself?”
“I lost a soldier,” Andy’s voice pools with guilt and it stings you to see her torment herself in such a way. “My job is to protect everyone on the team and I couldn’t do that.” There’s a bitterness in her expression you tell yourself not to take personally. With everything she’s been through and all the stories she’s told, this one is laced with the most regret.
This time it’s you who reaches out and grabs her hand. “I would never presume to understand exactly how you feel but we’re immortal, Andy. That doesn’t mean we’re all-powerful or perfect. You tried harder than anyone else could have ever done.”
You don’t know if your words make any real difference but you are glad to have spoken your truth. While Andy and the three guys exchanged some short comments, you began to struggle to keep your eyes open as the realm of sleep tried to drag you back under. The Scythian cooed something in your ear, bringing you closer to her, and you quickly gave in.
                                                  -----------------------
Things had finally settled down as you slept soundly in Andy’s arms, a warm smile graced her face as she thoughtlessly stroked your hair. None of the guys had ever expected to see her as domestic as she looked while watching over you.
“Was I the only one that was hesitant about her at first?” Booker asked, although it was more likely he was simply thinking out loud. “I mean about her being one of us despite not being a fighter in a traditional sense?”
“I was worried too,” Joe admitted as he intertwined his fingers with Nicky’s. “I feel terrible about it now since it’s clear how much we need her in the group.”
Andy, only half paying attention to the conversation up until that point, curiously weighed the words Joe subtly tried to direct at her.
“Just don’t make her wait too long to tell her how you feel,” Joe smiled, bringing up the back of Nicky’s hand to his mouth so he could kiss it. His eyes knowingly sparkled at Andy the entire time. “I have no doubt she’s the type that’s quite perceptive until it comes to someone else having feelings for her.”
“I believe Andy should simply follow her heart. As should Y/N,” Booker chimes in. “They’ll come together at the right time if it’s meant to be.”
“That’s a rather romantic way of looking at it!” Nicky was thoroughly impressed.
Booker simply shrugged. “I may not get as much practice as you and Joe but I’d like to think I’m not as rusty as this one over here.”
All three of them turned to look at Andy as their leader tried to remain still and unbothered. She did have to admit that it was difficult for her to get angry when you were resting against her.
“Are you actually calling me old, Book?” There was an edge of warning in her voice without any actual concrete threat. She was more than aware of how long it had been since she’d had feelings for someone and it was somewhat intimidating to face. Nothing had been confessed and yet she was already terrified of losing you.
“Of course I don’t mean it like that, capitaine. But I agree with Joe. Sweet and subtle will most likely fly straight over her head.”
“Not really all that straight.” Nicky murmured under his breath before chuckling at his own joke.
“Still, you should do whatever you feel is right,” Booker continued but shot the Italian a quick glance. “Don’t do something because you think Joe, or Nicky, or even I might do it in your position. She already likes you so all you have to do is be yourself.”
It was more than just a little cliche. She hated how oftentimes the best advice usually was.
“If I say I won’t wait more than a hundred years then could we please end this discussion? She’s finally sleeping, no thanks to your conversation, and I’d like for her to get as much rest as possible.”
None of them looked fully satisfied with her answer but they could all at least agree that it was best to let you sleep.
“Whatever you say, boss.”
“Good night.”
“Sweet dreams.”
The lights were turned off and Andy carefully tried to settle down with you. She planned to stay awake, to make sure that you were properly guarded and could sleep peacefully. But the steady sounds of your breathing and beating of your heart eventually lulled her to sleep as well.
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“Good morning.” You gradually opened your eyes to the sight of Andy sitting up next to you in bed. The smell of eggs wafted in the air from the next room over. “We let you sleep in for a little bit but didn’t want you to get a cold breakfast. The food should be ready soon. I trust you got some better sleep?”  
You nodded, sitting up and feeling a bit awkward that Andy was still in your bed. Had she been there the rest of the night? “Yeah, I had a nice dream actually. I was on a white sand beach that was surrounded by cliffs with all sorts of tropical flowers growing around them. Have you ever been to a place like that?” You purposefully left out the details regarding Andy kissing you as the sun set. That was one thing she didn’t need to know about.
“Yes,” she nodded as a pleasant memory appeared to pass through her mind. Still, there was also a speck of sadness that shone in her eyes. “There are some that perfectly match that description in Greece, Thailand, Brazil. I’ve visited my fair share and the views never disappoint. Add some good company and it makes the trip all the better.”
You wondered who she was thinking about; what memories they might have shared together.
“I’ve actually never seen the ocean,” you confessed. “My mother is terrified of the water because a boy she went to school with in her childhood drowned in a lake one summer. She forbade me from ever going near it, even though I’ve wanted to learn how to swim since I first learned about mermaids.”
“You would still want to go? After your nightmare and seeing what happened to Quynh you’re not feeling hesitant at all about the ocean?”
“No, I don’t think so,” you admitted and pondered at the question. “That was terrifying, don’t get me wrong, but there’s a good and bad side to everything, right? Besides, I don’t want fear to control me anymore. Not like how I was with my mother.”
Andy studied you with such intensity, giving you the perfect opportunity to get lost in her eyes once more. You knew that you could stare at her forever. But what could she possibly be thinking about while gazing at you so intently? You honestly had no clue and when you were so ordinary. The only thing you were certain of was that she looked at you like you meant something. And to mean something to her was the best feeling in the world.
She looked like she wanted to say something but ultimately decided against it.
Instead, she cleared her throat, bringing the both of you back to the moment. “Alright, it’s decided then. I’ll teach you how to swim then. It should really be a part of your training anyway and after you’ve got it down I’ll take you to the beach from your dream.”
She sounded completely serious yet it took you by surprise. “Do you mean that?”
“Of course. I promise it will have everything you imagine aside from mermaids.”
“Aw, I mean I understand but it’s still somewhat disappointing. I was really looking forward to being serenaded by a siren that may or may not try to kill me.”
The Scythian chuckled. “I can already tell you that you don’t want to hear me try to sing.”
You raised an eyebrow at that. “Actually, that only makes me more curious. After having 6,000 years to practice you cannot possibly be that bad!”
“I’m afraid I sound so bad that it makes all the dogs bark.”
“One day, I’ll get you to sing,” you shoot Andy a look showing that you’re nothing but serious. “You can’t say ‘no’ to me forever. You’ll cave in eventually, I promise.”
“Breakfast is ready!” You could hear Booker exclaim from the kitchen.
As you turned to leave and grab some food, you didn’t notice the soft pair of green eyes following you or how Andy couldn’t seem to move after hearing what you said. There had been nothing but truth to your words and she knew if you asked her to sing or throw herself off a mountain she would do either if it could make you happy.
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spookychick78 · 11 months
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Final Girl
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Wild World
Michael Myers X AFAB!Reader
Warnings: None
Word Count: 730
She ran for what seemed like ages until she found herself deep in the woods. It was an old place of comfort to her and she needed that. She was at a loss. Her life would be forever changed now and she had no one to turn to. Years of isolation made her feel she couldn't even go to friends or family and after all what would she tell them?
I killed- no, he killed my husband, but I let it happen.
Did she even have a choice? No, no one would understand. She had been ready before, ready for her life to end, but then there was Michael. He had complicated things. He had gotten in her way and finished what she started. Why?
She rested against a tree and let herself slide down into the crisp leaves that were lying on the ground. The cold wood against her back felt good, it seemed to make it easier for her to think and she had a lot to think about. She thought back to the kiss she had given him, not even sure what had made her do it. Maybe it was just the adrenaline, she tried to tell herself, but she knew that was a weak excuse. She wanted to kiss him. Seeing him drenched in glistening red should have made her run but instead she wanted to kiss him. She did, there was no way around it. It wasn't like her. None of this was. He was just another monster, wasn't he? He didn't seem capable of lying or using, but killing? He was more than capable of that and she envied it. She had no idea what she was becoming.
She ran her hands through her hair, feeling truly manic at this point. There was such a deep need inside her that hadn't been fulfilled, no matter how much blood she had seen spilled. It was as if she was craving it. That image of his blood running towards her crept into her mind, the sound of the blade penetrating flesh. It should have been her wielding it. She should have been the one to drain his life. But was it really just about him anymore? This desire she had invaded every part of her, she could feel it burning as it moved within. And then there was Michael.
Was it that she admired him? She was so fascinated by his cold abilities, he was unfeeling or seemingly so. Watching him kill was other worldly. He emanated strength, power, immortality. As if each time his knife pierced whatever flesh lie beneath him he became more invincible. And she wanted to be invincible.
Invincible to monsters like him. To liars, cheaters, takers. It felt like they were all around her. His death hadn't changed anything. He was just one embodiment of the evil in this world. More hid behind their charming smiles as they slithered like snakes into the innocents of this world, taking whatever purity was left. And really, was there any left? These vampires didn't even lurk in the shadows anymore, they were in plain sight, no longer creatures of the night. The light of day had no power against their wicked ways. Nothing stopped them, the world in fact indulged them, encouraged them.
She understood Michael in that sense. His disdain for this town and the world was something they were starting to share. He took out the wicked, he seemed to know their thoughts. After all, who was totally innocent? Everyone has dirty secrets hiding somewhere within them. Why not take them all out? He did. He had no weakness because he had never been blind to it. Perhaps the mask wasn't meant to cover some internal shame but to separate him from this world and the evil he saw so clearly. A shield.
Michael wasn't the monster, the world was.
He had wanted to shield her from it, all this time worried she would be frightened of him. Perhaps she would have been, but her life and every painful memory she lived over and over led her to him. Maybe he was the silver lining, something to make the hell she lived through worth it. She would be invincible with him and she would be invincible like him. She had no need for a mask, she had him. He was her shield.
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lorirwritesfanfic · 1 year
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Worthy Of Love
Book: Desire & Decorum (modern day AU) Characters: Veronica Dantas (F!OC), Yusuf Konevi, Annabelle Parsons Pairing: Annabelle Parsons x F!OC (Veronica) Rating: M Word count: 1215 Reading time: ~5min Summary: A visit to a place Veronica has been avoiding for years will evoke memories and feelings she’d rather ignore. Based on the prompt: @choicespride Holiday Pride Event - Religious Trauma/Crisis
Author's note:
Veronica Dantas is a creation of this author. The others are owned by Pixelberry Studios;
@missameliep​‘s ask about the nice and naughty list got me thinking about Annabelle and Veronica too. This story isn’t as cute as I hoped it would be, but it still had to be written. Btw, Ann and Vee are totally on the nice list ❤
Warning: This piece contains subjects (mentions of homophobia and psychological trauma) may be disturbing for some people. Reader discretion is advised.
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Veronica stopped before Saint Paul's Cathedral and shoved her hands into her coat pockets as she looked up at the Renaissant/Baroque church. Though some restorations were made on the building since the last time she had been here, to her it seemed like not a single thing had changed.
A chill coursed through her spine, but she chose to ignore it. "It's just cold weather," she told herself. Then, with quiet steps, she tentatively walked in, hoping the clacking of her boots didn't distract the children's choir rehearsal for Christmas services.
As she took a seat on the bench closest to the door, she looked at the altar to watch the rehearsal. A group of fifteen girls between six to eight years old giggled whilst the coach, a man that looked like a former member of a grunge band, made oddly funny gestures to explain how a specific part of the music should be sung.
By the piano, Annabelle calmly waited as the choir coach instructed the kids. With her shoulders back, hair tied on a low messy bun and hand placed over her legs, she looked absolutely stunning. Veronica loved that about her. Her posture, elegance, and gracefulness. Quite the opposite of herself.
At last, her eyes met her partner's and they shared a timid smile from afar. But before anyone noticed, both of them looked away and the rehearsal continued.
Mixed feelings rose within Veronica's chest as the choir began to sing Child Of The Poor. Memories of herself as a kid, also part of the choir in this same church flooded her thoughts. Raised in a Christian home, she always attended church services, Sunday school, and choir rehearsals. It was fun for a while.
When she grew older, however, things changed. People stared, shook their heads in disapproval. Good Christian girls can't do this, good Christian girls can't say that. But it got worse she moved to live next to her father's family. She did her best to do everything she was told. But it was hard to fit in when everyone told her she couldn't be herself and seek "professional help", otherwise the Lord would never approve of her. But wasn't that the same God described in the bible as Love itself? Why did others insist she wouldn't be worthy of love?
She looked down at her hands as her eyes welled up. Of all the places they could've chosen to meet up before joining their friends for drinks, did she really have to meet Annabelle at St. Paul's? After so many years of avoiding religious-related things and places like the plague, she shouldn't have agreed to be here just because someone she loves dearly wants it.
Veronica quickly brushed away the tears that threatened to roll down her cheeks. She was done with this bullshit years ago. She couldn't cry over this again.
"Is this seat taken?" A calm and deep voice she knew so well caught her attention.
"Yusuf?!"
"Hi," Yusuf answered with a broad smile and sat next to his friend.
"Hi... I thought you and Bart would meet everyone in the pub."
"That was the plan. When you said you'd meet Annabelle here, Hamid and I were a bit concerned.
"Was it that obvious it wouldn't end well?"
"No. But abi¹ and I know how much this could affect you. How are you feeling?"
"I don't know... Overwhelmed, I guess..." Averting her gaze, a rueful smile adorned her lips. "But hey, I just proved Dame Margot Aldridge wrong. I didn't burst into flames when I walked in here."
Yusuf shook his head, but couldn't suppress a chuckle.
As their smiles faded, both of them looked at the altar. The children beamed singing Oh, Come All Ye Faithful whilst Annabelle played the song with ease.
"I see why Annabelle always offers to play. These kids are quite talented," Yusuf commented.
"Yeah... Somehow, she only has fond memories of her time in church groups."
They continued to watch the rehearsal for a while before Veronica spoke up again.
"You didn't have the best experience during your time in halaqas either and you're still very Muslim. What's your secret?"
"Years of therapy."
She chuckled.
"I think it finally hit me when I learned Arab and could read the Quran myself. It doesn't say much about homosexuality, except for the Sodom and Gomorrah surahs. Which is also the only moment mentioned in the Bible. The hatred we endured and the bullying we suffered aren't encouraged by the Prophet or Jesus Christ. They tell us the very opposite. Allah created diversity. He wanted all of us to be different and still love each other."
"I wonder how bigots ever finish secondary school given how they often lack basic skills like reading and understanding a book," she grumbled.
"A very good question," he nodded in agreement. "But what really matters to us is knowing we are worthy of Allah's love. And we don't need other people's approval to do so."
A tear rolled down her cheek. Before she could wipe it, Yusuf moved closer and enveloped his friend in a warm embrace.
"You really came a long way from the days you weren't even sure if you'd ever come out," Veronica said with a small smile.
"I wouldn't have crossed to that long path if it wasn't for a psychologist/friend of mine who said I should try psychotherapy to handle all the baggage I couldn't carry on my own," he commented, nudging her with an elbow.
She pursed her lips but nodded. "Okay, okay... I got the message. I'll talk to my therapist about it in the next session."
"That's the spirit!"
As the choir ended the last Christmas carol, the small crowd watching the rehearsal applauded the girls. Veronica and Yusuf followed suit. Her eyes and Annabelle's met again.
"It'll be a good step for you, especially now that you two are planning the wedding ceremony," Yusuf commented.
"What if I don't heal fast enough to agree with this blessing thing she wants so much?"
"The important thing is that you'll finally talk about it with someone other than Hamid and me, V. Annabelle is a thoughtful person and she loves you. She will understand if you need more time."
Whilst the people began to leave the cathedral, Annabelle sauntered over to them.
"Hey! I didn't know you'd be here," Annabelle said, greeting Yusuf with a hug.
"I was driving nearby and remembered you two would be here. You made such a compelling speech about the children's choir, I had to see it for myself," Yusuf explained with a smile.
"Aren't they amazing?" Annabelle enthused.
"They are. Christmas services will be beautiful," Yusuf agreed.
"Did you like it too, darling?" Annabelle turned to her fiancee.
"Yeah..."
Veronica exchanged glances with her friend, who gave her an encouraging nod and a smile. She then moved closer to her partner.
"In fact, there's something I want to talk to you about. Can we go for a walk before joining everyone in the pub?"
"Sure."
"I'll see you two later," Yusuf declared.
As they bid farewell to Yusuf, Veronica walked out of the cathedral alongside her fiancee. This might not be the pleasant talk she hoped to have whenever she thought about their upcoming wedding ceremony. But it certainly was a necessary one.
_________
¹ Abi: older brother. Often used to refer to a friend a bit older than the person speaking.
² Halaqas: religious gathering to study the Islam or the Quran
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messers-moony · 2 years
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Devotion Season Two: Cast | F.H
Paring: Five Hargreeves X Fem!Reader (Series)
Summary: In which the Hargreeves siblings come together to stop the end of the world.
Disclaimer: I don’t own the Umbrella Academy. All rights go to the creators of the show, the comics and everyone in between. Gifs used in these chapters are NOT mine and are/were found on Pinterest.
Warnings: Cursing, Sex, Nudity, Violence, Gore, Alcohol, Drugs, Smoking, Intense Scenes, and Abuse (if I missed any let me know)
—You know some say the best luck is to die at the right time. 
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Lila Pitts  Ritu Arya “Oh honey, no. I’m the man here.”
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Raymond Chestnut Yusuf Gatewood “I got a dead man wrapped up in my best rug, babe.”
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Sissy Cooper Marin Ireland “Saying a lie over and over doesn’t make it true.”
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Carl Cooper Stephan Bogaert “Well, call it what you want, but it ain’t natural.”
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Harlan Cooper Justin Kelly “Vanya.”
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Elliott Gussman Kevin Rankin “Oh, I would love to see an energy tentacle.”
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The Swedes Otto, Axel, Oscar Jason Bryden, Kris Holden-Reid, Tom Sinclair “Öga för Öga.”
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Text
You're waiting for a train... (7)
Damsel in Distress
Robert Fischer x reader
description - The group goes under and the stakes they find there are more troubling than any of them could have dreamt.
word count - 3.3k (ooooooo she's a biggie)
warnings - guns, car crash, injuries, swearing, Robert being a cutie
a/n - I'm sorry this chapter took a bit longer to come out but I was really stuck with writing it. I could've whipped out a chapter really quickly but I knew it wouldn't have been my best and you loyal readers deserve my best, and I want to give this fic my best! :)
Previous Part Series Master list Master list
If you want to be added to the taglist - here
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-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
My ticket is clasped firmly in my hand as we wait to board. I had panicked thinking of what to wear this morning. Believe it or not, my experience of first class was lacking. I didn’t want to look out of place so decided upon a sleek stone dress with a matching cardigan and black patent heels.
We were boarding the plane now, deliberately before Fischer. We aimed to get settled in our seats so there was nothing suspicious about the way we were interacting. I found my seat and calmed my shaking bones. God it was so comfortable, shame I wouldn’t get to relish in it. Well technically my body would whilst my mind ran about. I looked behind me seeing Yusuf, Ariadne, Arthur, and Saito. I looked across and found Eames, my dad, and an empty seat. The person who would claim it would be my direct opposite. My hands clenched the arm rest when realisation set in. My heart was racing to the point where I didn’t notice Robert’s entrance. Eames blocked his path in order to get subtle access to his passport which he then slipped to Cobb.
I perked up when I felt my dad gesturing my way. Not knowing what else to do, I rose and approached him. But I had failed to notice the obvious point of contact until I had once again slammed into someone and ended up on my knees. This time my brick wall happened to hold the steely blue eyes I found impossible to forget. Once again, I struggled to find my voice in the face of his gaze.
“Are you okay?” I sharply inhaled, my thoughts being dragged back to our previous meeting. This time the pressure informed my actions and I lowered my head so my locks curtained my distinct features. He offered me his hands to lift me from the surprisingly soft carpet. Even though I couldn’t let my eyes meet his, it didn’t mean I couldn’t let my thumb ever so gently stroke his firm hands. They had the softness of a privileged life but there was a hardness that came from never-ending worry.
“I’m sorry do I know you?” He laughed through his words whilst searching through my feeble disguise. I let my eyes drift to Eames in a plea for help. What was I to do?
“No, I’m sorry I just have one of those faces.” Robert was amused by my answer. The closer he leaned in the more it felt like the world just crumbled around us. I could feel the muscles in my neck praying for me to look up. Just for a moment. I could feel his hands engulfing my own in a protective hold.
Just then, Robert was shoved from behind, allowing me to recollect and escape the potentially risky moment. Cobb continued storing his bag when Robert span around, looking for the one responsible. Cobb made sure his stance alluded to his innocence.
Once, Robert turned back, expecting to find me, he was saddened to see me returned to my seat. He purposefully moved to continue our conversation but was halted by the stewardess who informed him it was time to take his seat.
Robert returned to his seat glumly. As he sat, his sadness could still be felt radiating despite his perfect posture. He unfurled his jacket from his body revealing a crisp white shirt, his trousers being held by suspenders. My eyes betrayed me to drag over his body. I quickly looked away when I risked meeting his eyes and I giggled at the juvenile gesture on my part. But it appeared he had noticed as he met my giggles with his own melodious chuckle. I looked behind Robert to see my father handling his passport. The fasten seat belt sign alighted and the pilots voice informed us of take off. The plane rumbled beneath our feet. A little gasp escaped me as I briefly felt the gravity leave our mass, lifting us into the air. My fingers curled tighter around my seat, an outward sign of my anxiety.
A ping alerted us of the futility of our restraints. My dad rose from his seat and informed Robert that he had dropped his passport. Handing him back the aforementioned item, Cobb then struck up a conversation, I could only assume about his father and his recent passing. I watched out of my peripheral, refusing to give away any indication of the relationship between the seven people joining Robert’s flight. It ended with my father joining Robert in a drink which I assume contained a secret ingredient.
Within seconds, he was out. This was our go sign. Everyone jumped up, attending to their stations as the first-class flight attendant retrieved our case. Before joining the others, I ran over to Robert’s limp form and kneeled down between his legs. My hand glided over his arm and returned to his pulse point. With the other I cupped his face and with soft strokes I allowed my thumb to peel his eye open.
“What are you doing?” Cobb had spotted my unusual position.
“Just making sure he’s okay.” I answered with an innocent tone. I rose, self-conscious of my position, and joined the others in retrieving my own IV.
I returned to my seat and inserted it into my vein. I looked around at their stone cold faces and righted my expression to fit with the crowd. Here we fucking go.
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LAYER ONE: THE CITY
My eyes shot open and the first thing I felt was cold. Lashes of rain pelting down on my shivering form. Interestingly I hadn’t planned an outfit for such weather as such weather was supposed to be impossible. I shivered in my thin blouse and jeans, hugging my black leather jacket tighter in a feeble attempt at retaining heat.
I took in the dream around me, familiarising myself with the skyscrapers so my brain registered the route of the maze. Cars and their horns blared around me, my frame jumping at each new sound. I traipsed further up the street hoping to find my dad or Eames.
Suddenly, a red car pulled up next to me. The door was ripped open, and a loud voice ordered me to get in. We drove further in silence and picked up Yusuf. Unfortunately, with seven of us, room was limited. And I found myself being lifted into Arthur’s lap. I felt him shift under me at the foreign position, but he kept his hands civil, whether out of respect for me or fear of my father, I couldn’t say. But after many days of icing out on his part I couldn’t deny that the contact was comforting.
“You couldn’t have peed before we went under?” Arthur fumed from behind me.
“Sorry.” Yusuf meekly uttered.
“Bit too much free champagne before takeoff, eh, Yusuf?” Eames teased from the front.
“Oh, ha bloody ha.” I smirked over to Yusuf, trying to distract myself with amusement.
“Well we know he’s gonna be looking for a taxi in this weather.” My dad dragged us back to the plan at hand. We pulled off from the curb. As we drove we latched on to a taxi and Cobb rammed us into the back of it. When the driver stormed out of his vehicle, he was met with a gun pointed at his face.
“Walk away.” Cobb threatened. The driver left in a hurry. Saito exited our car but before Arthur left he turned back to where he’d lifted me off his lap. He gave me a light hug before finally leaving. Once the door closed again, I felt something different weighing down my body. I looked to an unusual bump under my jacket and pulled it back to reveal a holster with a loaded pistol. My weapon of choice. I smiled a little looking to Arthur’s retreating form. He’d never leave me vulnerable.
We followed Arthur and Saito a few yards before I saw Robert, out in the rain, flagging them down. Once they stopped and he was about to get in, Eames left our car in favour of disrupting Robert by appearing to steal his taxi. I stayed back, holding my breath. I feared to speak, fearing the quivering tone of my thoughts.
We pulled over once more to pick up a sopping wet Ariadne. She seemed grateful for the shelter.
I glanced down at the crisp white watch I always brought on any heist. It’s always good to track time when time is working against you. If the schedule was right Saito will have initiated the kidnapping part of the scheme. Ariadne turned to speak but before any words could come out, I felt the breath be ripped from my body and out my stomach. The car hurtled to the side and threw its occupants into a whirl.
I looked up, brushing my wet locks away from my eyeline. The sight I saw made my stomach lurch. A freight train. Hurtling straight through any hopes I had of getting home.
As I seemed to regain function, my courage was dashed as bullets pierced the metal. Specially trained projections targeted our two cars. I fumed at the sight of these men, knowing that this kind of dream training never appeared in our research. I watched Arthur manoeuvre the taxi, feeling lucky it was in his hands. But as more shots rained down, I grew determined. I took a crowbar from the boot and smashed out the rear window.
“KEEP US BEHIND THE TAXI!” I yelled over the newly acquired street noise to my Dad who took my meaning and tailed us to the boys, blocking the projections shot. I fetched my pistol out of the holster. I lay across the back seat rests and straightened out my arms in front of me. Pistol was positioned in a perfect line. I closed one eye. My thumb gripped the trigger down and I felt the bullet unfurl from the chamber.
Direct hit.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
We arrived at the abandoned warehouse that would be our stage. The two cars skidded in and as I exited, pistol still in hand, I noticed commotion between the others.
“Get Fischer in the back room now!” I saw them haul Fischer’s body out of the car and drag him away from my sight. I couldn’t help following him with my eyes and I tried to stifle the sigh that escaped once I saw him unharmed. I quickly composed myself and focused on the situation at hand. Saito was hurt.
“Has he been shot? Is he – he dying?” Ariadne stuttered out as Arthur carefully hurled his form out. I could see the blood seeping through his shirt. I noticed how his eyes lapsed back into his skull as if retreating from the pain.
“I don’t know.”
“Jesus christ.” My dad leaned down to him in order to assess the situation.
“Where were you? What happened to you?” Arthur questioned our whereabouts.
“We got hit by a freight strain.” I managed to stutter out through intermittent breaths.
“Why would you put a train crossing in the middle of a downtown intersection?” Arthur spat at Ariadne.
“I didn’t!” she defended.
“Well, where did it come from then?” Arthur would not let this go. I was confused and scared but if we focused on a singular fault, we’d lose sight of the end goal. And that was all that mattered now. Inception was about improvisation and now I had to improvise a runaway train being a totally normal thing to happen.
“Well, let me ask you a question, why the hell were we ambushed?” My dad screamed down at Arthur. “Those were not normal projections! They’d been trained for god’s sake!”
“You’re right.”
“How could he be trained?” Ariadne questioned.
Arthur calmed his breathing. “Fischer’s had an extractor teach his subconscious to defend itself.” I had to give it to Arthur he had an ability to stay calm in the face of unbridled attacks in the field. Which usually came from my dad. “so his subconscious is militarised. It should have shown in the research, I’m sorry.” He chanced a glance to my shaking frame. He surveyed the range of cuts on my arms and face from broken glass. “I’m sorry.” He softly uttered in my direction, but failing to meet my eyes.
“SO WHY THE HELL DIDN’T IT!” My Dad practically screamed at us now.
“Calm down.” Arthur tried to subdue his fury, lest it seep onto the entire team.
“DON’T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN! THAT WAS YOUR JOB GODDAMMIT!” Arthur rose to meet Cobbs intimidating stance. “That was your responsibility!” He shoved his finger into Arthur’s face.  “You were meant to check Fischer’s background thoroughly! We are not prepared for this type of violence!”
“We have dealt with sub-security before.” I gently reminded the men. “We’re just going to have to be a little more careful.”
Dad now directed his anger towards me. “This was not a part of the plan!" He gestured down towards Saito’s writhing frame. "Now he’s dying for god’s sake!”
Eames appeared from the side of us; he brandished a gun in front of Saito’s face. “Put him out of his misery.” He went to press the trigger before he was manhandled out of the way. Dad now had him locked against the car, gripping his offending hand.
“No, no, no don’t do that!” Cobb now furiously stated his opposition as Eames feebly tried to calm him down. Primarily so he’d release him.
“He’s in agony, I’m waking him up.” Eames defended.
“No. It won’t wake him up.” I froze hearing the words escape my dad’s mouth. You die and you wake up. That’s what happens.
“What do you mean he won’t wake up? When we die in a dream, we wake up.” Eames was repeating so he could convince himself.
“Not from this.” Yusuf spoke up. “We’re too heavily sedated to wake up that way.” Our gazes were firmly fixed on Yusuf, in disbelief of what we were hearing. One thought danced around my brain and only Eames had the guts to speak it out.
“Right. So what happens when we die?” He looked on at my dad for the answer he didn’t want.
“We drop into limbo.”
My heart plummeted out of my ribs and lodged down below. I managed to catch my breath but only in shaky little outbursts that were more like spits than any substantial amount of oxygen.
“Are you serious?” Arthur fumed upon the knowledge of this.
“Limbo?” Ariadne questioned fearfully.
“Unconcentrated dream space.”
“Well, what the hell is down there?” She built upon her question.
“Just raw, infinite subconscious.” Arthur’s voice began to build. “Nothing is down there, except for whatever may have been left behind by anyone sharing the dream who’s been trapped there before.” My saddened eyes followed my father, along with Arthur, both knowing that whatever was down there was a product between him…and Mal. “Which in our case, is you.”
“Well, how long could we be stuck there?” Ariadne wanted to claw the words back down in her throat.
“Couldn’t even think about escape before the sedation wears off.” Yusuf spluttered out his answer.
“Well how long Yusuf?” Eames was now irritated and used it to mask his fear.
“Decades – infinite – I don’t know. Ask him. He’s the one who’s been there.” He weakly gestured to my dad who’d begun to pace, avoiding our stares.
No one had looked my way as I hadn’t contributed to the conversation at hand. Dad was directed away from me, running his hands over his face as if he was waking from a deep sleep. He spun back into the group as a loud sob broke from my throat. Tears welled up and spilled out as the reality of the situation sank in. This job had already been dangerous but now I had lost the way out that could always be a crutch to the impending fear of the deep subconscious. Dad rushed to embrace me. He tucked my head into his chest and placed a kiss on my hairline.
“It’s okay, it’s okay sweetheart.” He softly cooed at me. “We’re gonna be okay.” I could no longer feel if the words were directed at me…or him. I feverishly wiped away the salty tears as they dried on my skin. I peeled myself away and looked up with a soft smile. In a silent nod of contentment. But as our eyes met I saw a flicker of regret when he saw me for what I truly was. His child.
The other boys hoisted Saito up and took him away. I knew the deeper we went, the pain would lessen. But my heart still ached for the agony waiting for him and the risk that came along with it.
Once the boys returned, Dad brought us all back to the task at hand. He addressed us explaining the outlines of the kidnapping scenario and how we’d use it to get Fischer to conjure up a safe combination which we would later use to reveal the will.
I had tucked my body into myself, my mind still running on adrenaline. I jumped back in once dad turned towards me, his next statement aimed for me.
“Honey, because of the dire situation and his clear kidnapping training we need to go harder.” I rolled my eyes feeling the direction of the conversation. “Sweetheart, we need to do ‘Damsel in Distress’.” My heart picked up speed.
“What’s that?” Ariadne questioned. It truly brought me back to how she had been dumped into this unknown world with very little knowledge. Like being dropped in a stormy ocean at night with a singular life ring.
“It’s a technique we use where y/n acts as an innocent victim to gain the marks trust.” Arthur filled her in whilst Dad stared at my expression incredulously. “Once she’s struck up a rapport we pretend to torture her. We’ve found this works with certain men, like Robert. Rich pretty boys who jerk off to the idea of being a knight in shining armour.”
I glared at Arthur’s unnecessary add-ons. He at least had the decency to look ashamed at being noticed by myself.
“Thing is I don’t think I can.” I meekly whispered. Closing in on myself further.
“What do you mean?” My dad asked.
“Because he saw me.” I stuttered out.
“That thing on the plane?” My dad’s annoyance was growing. He bent down and held my shoulders. “That wasn’t long enough to having any lasting effect on the memory.” He huffed out.
“There was another time.” My voice barely broke the room’s air and Eames' face fell as he knew what was to follow. My dad halted and I felt anger seep his veins as his hands left my shoulders. “At the office when Eames and I were doing intel. There was a – moment – well he – We talked.”
“You talked? You fucking talked with the subject?” My dad stormed away and whacked his fist into the car. “What the hell were you thinking?”
“I don’t know – I just –” I stammered out in the face of my fathers fury. He laughed in disbelief at my nervous shakes.
“Such a fucking child.” He rubbed his hands over his face, unwilling to look at me in this moment.
I scoffed. “I’m only a child when it suits you.” I stated confidently, my previous anxiety dissipating in the face of his insult. We both entered into a stare down, neither willing to retreat. Our silence hung heavy.
“What does it matter.” Eames tried to pacify the two of us. “The further down we go, the fuzzier his recollection becomes.”
“It matters now!” Dad hissed. He withdrew, his disappointment evident in his stance.
“I was wearing glasses!” I shouted unconvinced at my own excuse. He spun to face me.
“It doesn’t matter, his brain now has an image of you with glasses and without so his unconscious mind will meld the two to form an exact image of you.” He left once again, desperate to forget the conversation.
“I can still do this!” I yelled with conviction. He turned back round to deliver a final blow.
“No. You can’t.” my heart clamped as his words settled in. My tears falling was the only feeling I could register in my numb frame.
God, what have I done.
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