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supersleepyboys · 9 months

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clark kent is a trans allegory

we were discussing the new my adventures with superman show with our partner and came to the conclusion that this particular version of clark kent is a trans allegory. as opposed to the usual “there are two sides to me” storyline (incredibly plural coded, an entire post on its own), this show seems to be showing clark trying to fit in two lives that he’s uncomfortable fully expressing himself in, in either way, much like the experience of a closeted/stealth trans person.

in one part of his life, as superman, he’s more comfortable openly displaying his powers and doesn’t feel obligated to hide that part of himself, but he does have a deep fear of anyone learning that he has ever been someone else. he is afraid to make personal relationships or share too much about himself, in case someone is able to put things together about his identity. in his day to day life, he’s more able to make relationships with others because he feels less emotionally restricted, and is able to share parts of his past, but is constantly trying to hide his differences (and any evidence of them) from the others. this really reminds us of being trans and trying to present as your preferred gender out while in public, and still being in the closet in some aspect of your personal life, and the fear that can happen if the two cross over. clark essentially has one gender presentation at work, and one as superman, and is desperate to keep those separated worlds from seeing him the other way.

this raises some super interesting plot points too, seeing as lois essentially forcibly outed him this last episode. and by putting so much pressure to put spotlight on him in the newspaper, she was advocating for putting him at risk of people who want to harm him for reasons inherent to his being (that general is also definitely her father, so add a point for “your dad is transphobic so please don’t tell him i was ever a girl” type shit). she has no idea what sort of danger she would be putting him in and simply saw a sensationalized headline, the same as many news publications use queer stories for clicks and sold papers and magazines without regard for queer safety .

the show also seems to be showing some sort of coming out narrative, although a very messy one showing the reality of the situation where it may not always be clean, and those you love may not always react the way you hope. lois’s obsession with his identity and exposing his secrets runs perfectly in line with old media obsession with trying to find out if a celebrity was “secretly a man”, and her shock and betrayal at finding out someone close to her is “lying” to her about something they aren’t ready to share reminds me so deeply of people accusing their trans partners of lying to them pre-transition. jimmy is pre-disposed to an obsession with other beings just like clark, so i can see clark trying to tell him going uncomfortably too. but the entire point of the show seems to be about the characters facing the discomfort and becoming better people for it, so i’m hoping it shows things ending on an understanding note between them all.

i’m not sure if this was the angle the writers were going for here, but as someone who is really intrigued by the usual “two parts of one person” angle that they approach superman/clark from, this was really interesting change in approach from the usual take, and i’m really intrigued to see how it develops

#i could go on for hours about plural clark/kal #so this is really interesting to see?#my adventures with superman #my adventures with superman spoilers #superman #clark kent #lois lane #lgbtq #ash

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shaftking · 1 year

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https://at.tumblr.com/audible-smiles/lowering-the-social-stigma-of-gender-nonconformity/26fkog1wyzgr

Curious what you think of this? It starts off being about gender non conformity, but then it starts getting into gender “labels” and based on the tags it seems to be directed at exlcusionists? I think this is about MOGAI stuff? If so, OP is highly ignorant of our arguments if they think the infinite gender labels made up by teens are just “annoying” to us and not actually harmful to the trans community, not to mention stifling for young people’s development and understanding of gender. This whole post is just confusing and irritating to me, but feel free to share your thoughts on it.

Tee bee aych they had me in the first half. Like yeah a lot of cis people have some discomfort around gender roles and if you grew up in a society where it was seen as a bad thing for a guy to paint his nails or be a homemaker or a woman to be athletic or not shave body hair then it can possibly lead to you not exactly be 100% comfortable calling yourself a man or a woman when you associate the inherent feature of being a man or a woman with these gender roles given to each respectively. But gender and gender roles aren’t the same thing, even if they’re connected.

Where they lose me is when they imply that teens making up a billion and one genders isn’t a problem, (and it’s not just teens btw! There’s fully grown adults engaged in this dumb shit!) because what it seems like they’re failing to understand is that people making up a gender for every microscopic feature of themselves and “hoarding genders” (read: creating a new label for every action, interest, feeling, etc) is doing the same kind of thing as people in the past insisting on 100% gender role adherence but on a far more intense microscopic scale that leaves no room to breath and live.

Let’s be real, it does make trans people look insane. It is the cause of attack helicopter jokes and such sentiments that we are still having to deal with years after the fact. Literally no one is better off for this shit.

Hell, the nonbinary stuff alone has done some potentially irreparable damage to trans people in society, much less the various mogai genders.

This micromanaging of your own every move and feature doesn’t just hurt trans people and make us look like crazy people who think that liking cats is somehow a gender, cis people are routinely pulled into this shit because mogai (especially that kind of surface level mogai like demigenders and greysexual type stuff) tries to put out this image that it’s a good way for people to explore their gender expression or sexuality instead of a horrific positive feedback loop that is a hell of an effort to deprogram someone out of and only encourages doing more insane shit to stay relevant in their circles.

And unfortunately based on what the last few years has shown, this stuff will eventually hit the mainstream hard just like the nonbinary stuff and lord only knows how bad it will get when that inevitably happens.

#ask #I try not to get blackpilled but some of this shut is honestly bleak as hell

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humunanunga · 1 year

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@ask-the-rpg-3 @jakei95 This does raise an interesting point, and it could be worth discussing if it can be done without becoming a brawl. I’ll precede this by mentioning I myself am nonbinary and go by they/them, and this is not an invitation to a dogfight or a dogpile.

The same gender will still look and feel different from person to person between presentation and the experiences that contribute to personal relationship with it. There are enbies who use gendered names or pronouns, some exclusively so. To add to that, some people first come out as nonbinary before coming out as transmasc/transfem or vice-versa. I actually got more connected with my own local trans community because of a senior (whose name happens to be Kris) who came out on Facebook as nonbinary (they/them) and later came out as a trans man (he/him). I have a genderfluid sibling who’s been out as a trans man and currently as a genderqueer butch. Our other brother, meanwhile, has been out as a binary trans man without adjustment.

To quote myself from an art post of sonas with different genders and pronouns (see: /tagged/sonaverse), I’ve wanted to explore how my own relationship with gender could’ve gone differently. I experience very little dysphoria, so there could be timelines where I never made it this far in finding myself, or even grown attached to my assigned gender. On the other hand, there could be alternates of myself with more dysphoria. I also wonder how much greater a role my body would have played if I had a different birth assignment. Would I feel more invested in feminizing myself had I happened to be amab?

There are other enbies for whom this would be more discomforting than enriching, but I personally find that branching out with my alternate sonas’ genders is a safe way to explore my relationship with own canon gender-- not to pick it apart, but to learn more about it. Chances are there are others who feel the same way too, just as there are others who feel the same way ask-the-rpg-3 may feel. (And as it happens, the post with this set of alternate sonas included one based on a dream in which I had an Xtale self.)

Which brings me back to Frisk and Chara. I’ve been an Underverse viewer since the first animation and can confirm that, to my recollection, he/him has been used exclusively for their Xtale counterparts and never for their canon selves. I am willing to believe Jakei when she says she means nothing enbyphobic by Xtale’s kids being masc. It’s true that people can do harmful things without meaning to, and I can recall one such instance of that before, but it’s an outdated receipt and she took it down later the same day. For the sake of not letting myself fall into toxic behavior, I allow people the right to improvement whether or not I decide I want to stick around long enough to see it for myself.

It’d be fair to say that no piece of media is for everyone. It’s fair to say that what one enby or binary trans person finds affirming or relatable could aggravate another’s dysphoria. We’re not a monolith, after all. That these fanworks are both fanart and original creations certainly complicates the matter, but I can respect that Jakei has not retconned the canon Frisk or Chara’s genders or pronouns, only her own au’s counterparts. Which is fair and not unique to the Undertale fandom.

I don’t usually step into discourse, so I’ll be stepping right back out after sharing my input. This doesn’t have to change how you feel about XT/UV, and if it’s still upsetting for you, it’ll be less of a headache to walk away than to continue engaging with it. UTMV is a large collective of fanworks and aus, too many to keep track of them all, and crossovers are a major part of how the community participates, so there’s always a chance of coming across ones that aren’t for you even in the ones you like. Sometimes the best thing you can do is to pick and choose the ones you engage with and set your boundaries with anyone who brings them into your personal space.

#ask the rpg 3 #jakei95 #utmv #undertale #nonbinary #gender #queer #tldr #discourse #etc

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griseldagimpel · 2 years

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Rape Culture, Marginalized Sexuality, & Restructuring Desire

Before I begin, I want to stress that this post is intended for creators of media, both fan and original. If this is helpful to anyone as a consumer of media, awesome, but I am approaching this from the creator side.

Anyway, this is a post dealing with rape culture and queerphobia, so the rest goes under a cut.

I’ve been following along with Dracula Daily, and it’s a prime example of how queer sexuality gets represented in media a lot. Which is to say, you’ve both got Dracula looking at Jonathan and declaring that he can love, too AND Dracula imprisoning and manipulating Jonathan.

Because, yeah, a consequence of societal queerphobia is that queer sexuality is often depicted as predatory. The kyriarchy will accept depictions of queer sexuality if those depictions serve to demonize it. And this isn’t just works from the 1800′s! I can find the same undercurrents in the shonen ai manga I read in the early 00's (looking at you, FAKE) and the gay fanart I saw on Twitter yesterday.

Or let’s look at my second least favorite song: ‘Baby, It’s Cold Outside’. Defenders of the song will rush to insist that the male singers HAS to ignore the female singer’s repeated “no’s” because she’s not socially allowed to say “yes”. But she totally wants it. And, like, yeah, there’s some truth to this (in the sense that many girls are told they can’t say “yes”), but also? This is rape culture. “She said no but I knew she secretly wanted it.” is a classic defense of rapists. Why? Because kyriarchy loves rape culture. Kyriarchy doesn’t consider rape to be a problem, provided it’s kyriarchy-approved rape.

Or consider the classic bodice-ripper romance novel where the chaste (totally chaste!) heroine is ravished by the handsome buccaneer or whatever. She didn’t say “yes” - because she’s a “good girl” - so she can’t be held responsible for the twenty orgasms she had when he raped her. But, of course, it’s not rape that’s going to traumatize her for years afterward. It’s fantasy!rape that she secretly enjoys.

Anyway, other people have written about this at length and probably better than I. Suffice to say that if your sexuality is marginalized, you’ve been bombarded with messages about how either you aren’t allowed to want sex and/or how any sex you want is intrinsically harmful.

What I want to encourage you to do, as a creator, is restructure your desire. Think on what, exactly, is appealing in the above scenarios and those like them?

Is it the freedom of sex with out shame? Is it being desired a great deal? Is it wanting someone else to be in control? Is it wanting to be in control of someone else? Is it the desire to receive pain? Is it the desire to cause pain?

And once you’ve picked apart what’s actually appealing to you, I want you to give your characters permission to want things. Let them want sex without (or in spite of) the shame kyriarchy tells them to feel. Let them want to be desired a great deal. Let them be doms or subs or sadists or masochists. And let there be consent for all this.

Pick apart character motivations. If Dracula really loved Jonathan, would he really be keeping him locked in the castle? If the buccaneer is your romantic lead, do you really want him to be someone who’d commit rape? Would that really make him a good partner?

You might, in doing so, feel some discomfort because internalized messages of shame from kyriarchy are difficult to unravel. But by letting the characters have and want and consent to their desires, you’re doing your small part not to reinforce the kyriarchal messages of rape culture and queerphobia. That, in turn, will help other people with marginalized sexualities have better influences than you got.

And save rape for narratives that actually want to explore rape, rather than rape being used as a mask for something else.

I’m leaving reblogs on because I think this is important, but I’ve got things to do, so please spare me nonsense misreadings and hyperbole. If you think I’m wrong, you’re welcome to just ignore me and let us both get on with our lives.

#writing #queer stuff #feminism #original fiction #fan fiction #fan art #original art #media #media representation #rape culture #queerphobia #sexuality #media depictions

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ghostlybrain · 11 months

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TW: This post is very personal and may contain snippets of info that can trigger someone. There is some mention of self-harm. Please don’t read past the “more” if you are not okay with reading about it.

The frustration I feel from learning to mask so well in my 27 years of life due to being told I’m neurotypical and told that I can’t be neurospicy because I’m totally fine, while everyone just ignores the obvious symptoms I’ve had grown up. I get it, I’m high-functioning because I’ve been conditioned to act normal and hide the parts of me that aren’t typical. Reading about ADHD and autism has me researching and critically thinking about the possibility of me being one or both..

I have now created an ongoing list:

- my need to have control over everything and melting or shutting down when I can’t.

- when my things in my spaces are in specific spots and they get moved when I’m not around/aware and not asked, and getting upset and stressed when I discover it moved/changed. My safe space being altered causes me honest anxiety and makes me upset, for something a neurotypical might not even notice. My partner’s noticed this quite often when he’s home with friends and I’m not around, and I come home to something of mine on my nightstand or bookshelf or something moved around.

- my endless hobbies and collections, and need to complete collections and having mini meltdowns when I can’t collect them all and moving onto yet another collection (repeat cycle) or when my collection is tampered with, having a meltdown (ie: my 12 year old self having a collection of this one children’s novel series, having like 150 books of it and rereading for comfort, and my ex-stepdad donating them one day because he though I was too old for them and left them behind when we moved out even though I was planning on coming back for them, causing me to have a meltdown and shutdown for a whole week, going almost non-verbal this whole time. Only responded with short words or lines where absolutely necessary.)

- never really getting along with people properly unless I learned how they talk/interact and copying their mannerisms.

- always have a comfort item/clothing with me (journal, favourite hoodie, ipod and headphones, if I’m at home: my favourite blanket) When I’m at home, I bring certain items around with me from room to room, just in case. My latest comforts/stims is these three puzzle games on my phone that I flip to when I’m overwhelmed or anxious with my surroundings and can resorts to easily as it’s more “socially acceptable”, but I carry a stuffie with me to fidget with, or resort to stimming with whatever I can that’s easy to access (pens, chewing my fingers/nails, my phone, my clothing)

- always having headphones in with music to reduce outside stimuli from triggering me, even at work, I keep one in to reduce stimuli and play music that grounds me.

- repeating myself because I can’t remember I said something to someone because it either didn’t process in my mind or stick. This happens super often to the point where I’ve said it at least 4-6x and can’t remember any of the instances at all.

- constantly wearing safe hoodies and pants and shoes and/or wearing the same selection clothes every week because they’re soft and non-abrasive and don’t trigger any discomfort.

- sharp and loudish noises, as well as shrieks and toddler crying/screaming giving me a full body shock feeling and causing me to shutdown and zone out.

- hated texture feelings on skin: mushy feelings, oily feelings, hand creams that don’t immediately sink into the skin making it feel slimy, anything touching my face/nose/neck including hair, oily/slimey/slippery substances, dry flakey skin, goosebumps/rough raised skin, scabs.. basically if my skin doesn’t feel like my normal, soft skin, it makes me super uncomfortable and drives me insane, pushing me to do whatever I can to make it go back to “normal” which fuels my nail/skin picking/biting habit. Anything too close to my neck makes me almost claustrophobic and I need to immediately remove it.

- stims: nail biting, lip biting, playing with my fingers, playing with jewellery or headphone cords, playing with hoodie strings, hiding my hands in my hoodie sleeves, playing with my hair

- having comfort shows that I rewatch over and over when the world feels too much. Using them to escape my mind or create a sense of comfort/home when I’m unable to have my safe place/item with me.

- last minute plan changes, especially when there isn’t a new plan set in place right away. I have a need to know what’s going to happen so I can prepare myself for it, and when that plan gets changed, I’m not able to adjust myself properly.

- needing the information to be correct. I don’t need to always be right, but the information at hand needs to be. This causes a lot of problems for me in relationships because the other party always ends up feeling like I need to correct them and be right, but in my brain, I need the information we talk about to be accurate for it to make sense.

- in the same train of thought as above, i come across as a know it all, or annoying them with questions, because of my need for the information to be correct. The other part to that is how I operate in right and wrongs, and always see both sides of the coin in other’s situations. (ie: I can play devil’s advocate very easily for people to see both sides of the situation, I’m good at finding loopholes or problems or question things, I feel the need to explain why I did what I did to someone so they understand why I did something) Feelings are also hard for me because I can sort my feelings once I understand the how and why, almost like a process. If I can understand how something works and why it happened, I can process it and roll with it. But I can’t quite process why others need the time to process feelings, even after they’ve gotten the how and why. Kinda upsets me that they have the reason and understand it, but need to still be upset for the next coming hours/days to process through it.

- Making friends is also super hard. My brain processes friendships in reciprocation of effort. If they do not reciprocate effort like I do, or close to it, I start to retreat thinking that they don’t want to be friends or I’m too much or not worth it. I struggle with people who try to be my friend but barely ever make plans, reach out really sporadically or rarely, and never have a reason for it. If they aren’t consistent in their actions or don’t ever explain themselves and try to make up for it, I just let the friendships die and get really hurt and upset. I struggle with people who don’t ever explain themselves about anything. One common situation for me is when I see friends constantly responding to group chats and being on social media multiple times a day, but my message gets left unread or on read for days or weeks. I find it hard to reach out because in my head, I already messaged, so it’s their turn.

- the amount of self-deprecation and guilt when I do something wrong and my emotions get out of wack and I get so upset I stand hitting myself. Did this a lot when I was younger, where I would “punish” myself for forgetting things or hurting someone in anyways by hurting myself as a punishment. (Hitting my self, biting my nails and the skin around them, hitting my head, hitting my head with a book, punching myself, some scarring when I was younger too)

- recently learned: not being able to picture things in my head. Always thought this was normal. I need to be able to play with it. Like for example, when I’m space planning an office, I need a tool to draw out the space and measurements of the room and items in it, or be able to physically move stuff around (or both)

#stimmyghostthoughts #ghostlystims.exe #ghostlybrain.exe #autistic experiences #autistic spectrum #neurodivergent #adhd #tw triggers #stimming #frustrated

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healydolan · 2 years

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Homeopathy Suggestions That Will Help Do You Know What Can Be Expected

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#acupuncture #acupuncture hk #acupuncture hong kong #acupuncture chinese medicine #acupuncture sciatica

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biggest-gaudiest-patronuses · 3 years

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I suspect quite a few people on this site don’t realize they are struggling with the effects of chronic trauma. In particular I think more people need to learn about the symptoms of C-PTSD.

Distinct from general PTSD, Complex PTSD is caused by prolonged, recurring stress and trauma, often occurring in childhood & adolescence over an extended period of time. There are many risk factors, including: abusive/negligent caregivers, dysfunctional family life, untreated mental/chronic illness, and being the target of bullying/social alienation.

I’m not a mental health professional and I’m not qualified to diagnose anyone, I just remember a million watt light bulb going off in my head when I first learned about C-PTSD. It was a huge OH MY FUCKING WORD eureka moment for me—it explained all these problems I was confused and angry at myself for having. The symptoms that really stood out to me were:

Negative self-perception: deep-seated feelings of shame, guilt, worthlessness, helplessness, and stigma. Feeling like you are different from everyone else, like something is fundamentally ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’ with you.

Emotional avoidance of topics, people, relationships, activities, places, things etc that might cause uncomfortable emotions such as shame, fear, or sadness. Can lead to self-isolation.

Learned helplessness: a pervasive sense of powerlessness, often combined with feelings of desensitization, wherein you gradually stop trying to escape or prevent your own suffering, even when opportunities exist. May manifest as self-neglect or self-sabotage. (I remember watching myself make bad choices and neglect my responsibilities, and having no idea why I was doing it, or how to stop myself. Eventually I just stopped caring, which led to more self-neglect.)

Hyper-vigilance: always feeling “on edge,” alert, unable to relax even in spaces that should feel safe. May be combined with an elevated “flight” response, or feelings of always being prepared to flee. (I used to hide important documents and possessions in a sort of emergency go bag, even when I was living alone and there was no logical reason other than it made me feel “prepared.”)

Difficulty regulating emotions: may include mood swings, persistent numbness, sadness, suicidal idealization, explosive anger (or inability to feel anger and other strong emotions), inability to control your emotions, confusion about why you react the way you do.

Sense of foreshortened future: assuming or feeling that you will die young. Recurring thoughts that "I'll be dead before the age of 30/40/18/21 etc." As a teenager I used to joke darkly that I didn't plan to live past 30—not because I planned to end my life, but because I simply couldn't imagine myself alive and happy in the long-term. I couldn't imagine a meaningful future where I wasn't suffering.

Emotional flashbacks: finding yourself suddenly re-experiencing feelings of helplessness, panic, despair, or anger etc, often without understanding what has triggered these feelings. Often these flashbacks don’t clearly relate to the memory of a single event (since C-PTSD is caused by repetitive events, which can blur together), making them harder to identify as flashbacks—especially if you’ve never heard the phrase “emotional flashback” and don’t know what to look for. For years I just filed it under “sometimes I overreact/freak out randomly for no reason, probably bc I am just a terrible human being.” (It turns out there was very much a reason, it was just hidden in the past. I have since learned to be kinder and less judgemental towards myself.)

There are other symptoms too, here are more links with good info.

I’ve been meaning to write this post for awhile, because I’ve noticed that a lot of the people I interact with online have risk factors and experiences similar to mine. These include:

growing up in a dysfunctional household

having caregivers who do not fulfill basic emotional needs (do not provide consistent positive attention, encouragement, support, acceptance, communication, a sense of safety and security)

on a very related note, experiencing neglect or abuse at the hand of caregivers or other adults. I also want to emphasize the significance of emotional abuse, since it is hard to recognize, easy to ignore, and utterly rampant in so many communities. In general, family dysfunction, abuse & neglect are quite difficult to identify when you are a child/teen and that is the only “normal” you have known.

(For example, in my family it manifested as an emotionally absent father I was vaguely frightened of, constant nagging from a hypercritical mother, and a house full of people who yelled and screamed at each other. It took me years to realize I grew up in an abusive environment, because there was no physical violence, because I participated in the fighting, and because my behavioral problems made me the family scapegoat. And I internalized that guilt: I thought I was the problem. But no—I was a child, and I deserved not to grow up in a household full of anger and fear and negativity. You deserved that too. You deserved to grow up safe and loved and treated with kindness.)

anyway back to more risk factors:

being neurodivergent or chronically ill (especially without receiving proper treatment/support/accommodation)

being queer (especially in a conservative or undiverse community, or without the support and acceptance of family & friends)

being the target of bullying or harassment (from peers, teachers, authority figures, irl, online, etc)

being isolated or alienated from peers, from family, from your wider community.

growing up with chronic anxiety, discomfort, pain, fear, or distress caused by any of the above and more.

There are many other experiences that can cause chronic trauma, but these are some particularly common ones I see people in my own community struggling with. And I want more people to be aware of this, because we’ve been taught to ignore and second-guess the significance of our traumatic experiences. We’ve been taught to feel guilty for our own pain, because “other people aren’t struggling, so I shouldn’t either” or (contradictorily) “other people have it worse, so I shouldn’t complain.” But that’s not how it works—you are not other people, and you deserve to have it better. We all deserve better. We deserve to be happy. We deserve not to be in pain.

I used to think I couldn’t have a trauma disorder because (I argued in my head) the things that happened to me weren’t that bad. And then I spent five years in therapy learning to accept the full extent of my issues. I’ve since learned that trauma comes in many forms, and can happen quietly, invisibly, silently, chronically, and usually without the survivor being aware of the long-term repercussions of what they are surviving. That revelation comes later, after you have survived and must instead learn to live.

Finally, no single type of trauma is more real or harmful than any other. Severity is measured by the way the individual is affected, and the same situations affect different people in different ways. Because no one gets to choose how their brain reacts to trauma. No one gets to choose their hurt—otherwise there would be a hell of a lot less hurting in the world.

We can, however, choose to seek help. We can learn to recognize when something is wrong, we can learn when to reach out to professionals, and we can learn to educate ourselves on our injuries.

And gradually, we can learn to heal.

(posts like this brought to you by ko-fi supporters)

#The way things are is not the way things will always be. So I have learned to trust.#i...i accidentally spent 4 1/2 HOURS writing this what the FUCK #long post #not a shitpost #serious post #mental health #c-ptsd #complex ptsd #trauma #ask to tag #i need to take a break and drink some tea #maybe with the fancy new tea biscuits i just bought #they have pecans and honey. i like honey #pecans are gross though except apparently in biscuits. these biscuits are really good #anyway let me know if you're worried I've misspoke or misrepresented anything here #again i'm not a professional. i'm just a person in therapy who has spent the last few years learning about and healing from complex trauma #and i wish i had known all of this years sooner. but i know it now so i'm putting it out there #bc i hope it helps someone dealing with the same things i dealt with.#i know things now that were painful to learn. and i will use them gently with great care #i wish i hadn't suffered the way i suffered. but since i have--how miraculous if i could use it to prevent others from suffering the same #that's the best thing to do with pain i think. turn it into something warm and blazing and try to use it to keep others warm #pain is like fire that way. you can burn yourself and others with it. or you can tame it and keep it in a jar and use it as a guiding light #For the Love of All the Fucks please notify me of typos

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star-anise · 3 years

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Putting the Great Corset Debate in context

TW: Body image, diet culture, calorie counts, fatphobia, coercive beauty standards

Gold star to @ryuutchi for guessing the gist of this post!

Historical costumers today are very big on defending corsets. Like a lot of other re-enactors, I know firsthand that corsets can be comfortable, practical garments that can be worn all day, every day, for years, through all kinds of strenuous activity.

Karolina Zebrowska has documented how much anti-corset sentiment was a product of misogyny; Bernadette Banner has talked about growing up in a medical brace more restrictive than a corset; I’ve used corsetry techniques to make garments to deal with my own chronic pain, and make chest binding less uncomfortable.

And yet. There’s an undeniable wealth of evidence that many women in days of old hated corsets. So how the heck do we reconcile these things?

Let’s talk about diets.

A diet is, in its simplest form, what you eat during your day. Or it’s a plan for what you’ll eat during your day. Diets can be hugely varied. The ideal diet for a performance athlete is often around 5000-7000 calories a day, which is the same amount of food that two to five ordinary people will eat in the same period of time. Some diets are very gentle and flexible, encouraging intuitive eating and listening to your own hunger cues much more than any chart. Victorian diets actually promised to fatten women, relieving their consumers from the hideous fate of skinniness.

And yet. And yet. For many people, especially women, “diet” is an enormously loaded word. It’s practically synonymous with restricting your food intake until you’re a little bit crazy, constantly criticizing the way you look, and tying your weight with your worthiness as a person.

That’s not how I generally experience diets, since I was never forced to diet, and never seriously dieted myself. But if I said, “Diets for women aren’t restrictive or oppressive!” I’d be quite frankly wrong, given how often they are--how much women face incredible pressure to be thin, how often girls are forced to diet during their childhoods and adolescences, how much fat women are penalized in completely unrelated areas, like salary and career progression, for their weight.

Diets don’t have to be restrictive or oppressive. But in our day, it is hard to untangle the concept from how coercive diets can be. For many people, “dieting” feels inextricable from being controlled.

Corsets fundamentally served the same function as dieting does now. It alters the body’s shape to appear more socially pleasing. It does so by different methods, but in the era when it was widespread, it carried a similar psychological weight.

This is how Laura Ingalls Wilder describes her experiences with corsets: Of being forced to wear them by her mother, being nagged by her mother to tighten her laces, having to listen to stories of how her mother, as a young bride, had a waist her husband could span with his hands--an ideal painful and impractical to reach under most circumstances, and a positive hindrance for a girl like Laura, who had to do heavy farm labour in that corset. In the Victorian era, uncorseted women were seen as everything from lazy and sloppy to sexually loose and morally inferior.

Modern movie actresses face the same pressure to look absolutely perfect. A lot of actresses complain about the corsets in their costumes for good reasons: Those corsets are made with only the sketchiest reference to the actress’s real measurements, engineered hugely for aesthetic effect, and worn for a very abrupt span of time without the lead-up of getting used to the corset (and letting the corset get used to you). I have no doubt that being shoved into a corset that changes your shape dramatically and being told, “Go on, get out there and act,” is an uncomfortable experience!

These days, historical re-enactors don’t face as much social pressure or censure for failing to corset tightly enough. A lot of us are wearing costumes in an increasing atmosphere of fat acceptance and health at every size. Those of us who make our own costumes can experience historical costume as the one area in our lives where our clothes are made purely to our own measure--we have all the control that’s denied us by mass-produced modern clothing sizes.

Here’s my contention: It’s not the corset, or the lack of corset, the diet, or lack of diet, that makes corsets or diets awful, painful, harmful, or oppressive. It is the social pressure to push your body past the point of discomfort or pain to achieve certain a social idea. Corsets are so liberating for historical re-enactors specifically because we get the profound freedom of deciding everything about what we wear and how we want to look.

If you have the complete freedom, if you want to wear a corset, to choose the corset that’s right for you, or even more, to have it made for you, corsets are amazing garments. Just like figuring out which foods are right for you, eating them, and feeling good because of it can be a great experience.

It’s achieving that freedom that’s the hard part.

#staranise original #costuming #feminist discourse #diet talk tw #weight talk tw

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slashingdisneypasta · 3 years

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Horror Villains And: Period Sex

oh that is the perfect gif I totally forgot all about it but oh boy. thanks billy for your service to this blog.

Warnings: Obviously, menstruation, blood, and smut. I’m dealing with a particularly uncomfortable period (for me at least) and just want some e m p a t h y about it.

~~~

Who LOVES it:

Freddy Krueger: ABSO-MOTHER FUCKING-LUTELY. It’s a struggle to keep his hands off you (on a normal day) during your period. He can smell it.

Kieran Wilcox: yes please mommy, he’s waiting.

Luda Mae Hewitt: This is her secret kink.

Michael Myers: B l o o d p l a y? Any kind of bloodplay, Michael is into it. If you weren’t already bleeding, he would probably make you bleed, with his (Actual) knife.

Mickey Altieri: Bring it. Jesus christ, Mickey thinks its so hot. Getting his cock or his fingers coated in your slick and your blood (Seeing the string consistency between his fingers), seeing you in a total mess from your period and being fucked to oblivion? Oh yes.

Midnight Man: He just likes it. I dunno. I don’t have a logical reason, extension or explanation of my vibes here but I am getting them from him.

Patrick Bateman: Oh my god it is his favourite kind of sex. Yes yes yes. Please please please. He marks your cycle in his calendar, with special notes about flow and mood. Soon enough he’s figured out your whole period every week and knows exactly when the iron is hot enough to strike. Any w h e r e, any t i m e .

Both Pennywise’: Ooooh, watch their eyes glow and their hair get more luscious when you tell them. Their teeth get sharper and the whites of their eyes get whiter- they’re horny as fuck now. Be a good sport and give them a lil taste, won’t you? A smell at least? That, or have them trailing you like lost puppies for the rest of the week, and curling up to/around you as tightly as possible when you’re sleeping.

The Clown / Jeffrey Hawk / Kenneth Chase: Where else could he possibly go on this post, honestly.

The Man (Hush): Yep. He’s favourite time of month.

Who is like ‘a b s o l u t e l y n o t’:

Jerry Dandridge: Do I really need to comment? I mean, he can control himself being around you on your period, but you cannot let that blood smell hit the open air. Your controlled, classy vampire bf will disappear in an instant and will be replaced with… well, Evil.

Yeah no thanks:

Debbie Loomis: She’s not vehemently against it, but still… nah? Thanks for the offer tho. And it won’t happen when she’s on her period either, c e r t a I n l y not. Don’t even touch her when she’s on her period, jesus christ.

Jennifer Check: Yeah she just got a new manicure. Over her dead body will you stain her new French tips with your coochie blood. And if she puts her mouth down there, it might excited t o o much if you get what I mean and you will become a real snack.

Is indifferent towards it:

Bo Sinclair: You’re sure into him durin’ this time o’ month, aren’t you? Eh… whatever. Hop on. He’s happy to help his partner, especially if its in such a gratifying way! I mean he won’t buy you any fucking pads but he will do this and there’s Bo as a boyfriend for you.

Chucky / Charles Lee Ray: I mean sure? Blood doesn’t scare him and it is, in fact, a turn on for him of course so sure. Plus, you’re less likely to get pregnant at this time, which is great! Doesn’t see what the big deal is, here. (Although, weirdly, I see past Chucky from Curse to be very much in the next category)

Inkubus: It’s not even a big d e a l, man, its cool. He likes all kinds of sex. Go wild.

Jason Voorhees: Jason is basically ace in the way he conducts himself on a general basis but if it tuned out that he was interested in sex and/or was willing to do it with you, then some blood leaking out of your private parts because of some natural causes is not going to change his mind. Is this not normal??

Jedidiah Sawyer: ???Alright??? He wears a mask made of skin, your natural bodily functions are not going to scare him away. Besides, the knowledge that it could lessen menstrual pain for you is a nice bonus. He’s gotta take care of his family.

Roman Bridger: It’s really not a big deal to him. We’ll just put down a darker sheet, or some plastic. You both need this sometimes (Him for emotional support when he’s stressed, and you of course cuz you’re on your damn period) and a bit of blood is certainly not a deal breaker. Besides, he finds the easy thrusting to be nice and comfortable. Preferred sometimes, actually. Just some nice, lazy, relieving sex with your director boyfriend.

Sheriff Hoyt / Charlie Hewitt: A little bit a’ blood aint gonna turn me off, sugar. Don’t you worry bout that.

The Djinn: See Inkubus. Except, our dear Wishmaster is so much more of a tease about this.

Is enthusiastic when they learn that orgasms lessen period pain:

Bubba Sawyer: He doesn’t care about exposure to blood, obviously, and he doesn’t see it as gross at all but he was still concerned about whether that was safe during your… monthly thing… but once he found out that it could help you with cramps he got on board immediately! ^^

Lester Sinclair: Oh boy, well okay then, let’s give this a go then!!

Mayor Buckman: He knows the drill; Boone gets terrible cramps. Don’t worry, he’s got you.

Pamela Voorhees: Oh of course she’ll help you out when you’re hurting ^^

Stuart Lloyd: Well… don’t get him wrong, for sure there is the part where it helps you in a seriously uncomfortable time… but then there is also the fact that he is a lil bit of a secret freak and menstrual care is a good excuse for him. (So he also belongs in the first category ^^)

The Deathslinger / Caleb Quinn: Blood doesn’t bother him, and if it’ll give you a hand with yer monthly problem then you just need to ask him. You’ll be on the bench in the saloon with your thighs spread without a second thought, like asking for a glass of water. (Except of course Caleb’s a lot more hands on about the whole thing of course (; ) He’s happy to help.

The Huntress / Anna: Oh!! Really?? It’ll help? Okay, then, sunflower. Remove your pants. Let’s go !!

Vincent Sinclair: He’s just very supportive and helpful through all areas of your period. He doesn’t understand, but he can still be sympathetic and help the way you say would be good ^^

Is curious and will try:

Billy Loomis: Is really curious and excited to try it. I mean, he likes blood? He likes sex? And this is both those things?? Fun lubricant, yay.

Chop Top Sawyer: And when I say that he’ll try and I REALLY MEAN IT, MAN. Like, go big or go home. He’s going to eat you out at this time and he’ll end up really enjoying it. Buckle up babes, you’ve awoken something buried pretty damn s h a l l o w l y inside him.

Granny Boone: Similar to Chop Top except with him, you had to tell him you were on your period and all so it would be different and all, while with Boone she was the one sniffing it out and *cough* hunting you approaching you about trying it.

Jill Roberts: For the same reasons as Billy. Plus, she wants to be able to say ‘well I did it for you- you have to do it for me.’

Leslie Vernon: I mean, he’ll give anything a shot once. What’s the harm?

Piper Shaw: Same as Jill.

Stu Macher: Super enthusiastic to try!! XDD Just, like, dyed lube- right?

Is c a u t i o u s:

Carrie White: … periods have always been difficult for her… But she’s willing to give it a try as long as you’re willing to return the favour! ^^

Thomas Hewitt: Tell him, if whatever he does hurts you. He is very serious about this. He wants you to feel better, but he doesn’t really know this works and does not want you hurting in his vein attempt at making you feel better. So, please. Tell him how you’re feeling. He’ll get really good at making your cramps and discomfort go away.

They may take some convincing:

Drayton Sawyer: I mean, he’s of course not afraid of some blood but… uh… Well, I mean, he doesn’t really have a big, or even moderate sex drive in the first place so any sex of any kind takes some warming up to. Maybe if the stars aline and you catch him on a good day. Otherwise, he tells you to just suck it up.

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certified-crystalclod · 3 years

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Why you should stop making characters “aracial”

We see aracial characters mainly in podcasts or tabletop games. Sometimes they can be seen in comics. Aracial characters are made so the fans can assign them their own race/ethnicity headcanons. They could also be seen as cop outs because the creator doesn’t have to put effort into putting representation into their media. It’s just an easy way to make everyone happy. This post will tell you why aracial characters actually doesn’t help create representation and actually lessens it.

(TL;DR: Aracial characters cause harm because the default headcanon is to make the character white. There’s no good representation with it and causes discourse and BIPOC fans to be attacked and leave the fandom. To portray a good BIPOC character, do enough research to where you feel comfortable writing them. To have some gender-ambiguity, set a region with no specifics. For example, say your character is South-East Asian but no specific country. Representation in media matters and doing a cop-out isn’t the way to do it.)

Before we begin, let’s start with some definitions.

Aracial: without race or race distinctions

Race: the idea that the human species is divided into distinct groups on the basis of inherited physical and behavioral differences

Ethnicity: the fact or state of belonging to a social group that has a common national or cultural tradition, common set of folklore, ancestry, language, history, society, culture, nation, religion, or social treatment within their residing area

Nationality: the state of being part of a nation whether by birth or naturalization or ties to a specific nation

BIPOC: Black, Indigenous, Person of Color. Used when referring to all 3. POC is not synonymous with Black or Indigenous.

Race coding: writing an aracial character to be a specific race/ethnicity without explicitly saying it in the story

Headcanon: to note a particular belief which has not been used in the universe of whatever program or story they follow, but seems to make sense to that particular individual, and as such is adopted as a sort of "personal canon"

Canon: A piece of work -usually in reference to literature- that was written by the original author

I may not use all these words but they are nice to know. Lets begin.

Why are aracial characters bad?

Aracial characters aren’t inherently bad. If you make your characters race-ambiguous you’re not some type of bad person who’s too lazy to do real representation. You’re just got the right idea, wrong action. Aracial characters are just... not the best. Sure this means you can make your favorite character whatever race/ethnicity you want, but this can also cause discomfort and discourse.

In the early stages of fandoms (2000-2010s) lots of headcanons for these characters were mainly white. There was hardly any representation so you had to make it yourself. When there was representation, it came off as back-handed and hardly had any effort put into it. The art would look great but they didn’t have the right hair or facial features. They just looked like a white character with a tan.

Then came race coding. Creators, purposefully or accidentally, would put in subtle hints at a characters race/ethnicity. This would be through the way they talked, the celebrations they had, their traditions, or their struggles. This mainly happened with alien or non-human characters. Examples of these would be the majority of the Homestuck trolls, Steven Universe gems, and various podcast characters. BIPOC and white fans would figure out their hints and announce them, saying it would be wrong to headcanon them as anything otherwise. This is true as doing so would erase their identity and representation. As this grew, racism within fandoms grew. People would say “they don’t have a race! We can depict them however they want!” and throw fits when told the damage they’re doing.

Aracial characters can allow the freedom to depict your fans to project onto your characters but it also allows racism and attacks on harmless headcanons. It seems they can work but most of the time they do more damage.

How can I play/create a BIPOC character without accidentally doing harmful stereotypes?

You should always do research. When you play a wizard, what do you do? Research the spells it can do, the languages it can learn, and other important factors. When you play/write a BIPOC character, do the exact same thing. Research experiences, languages, clothing, and traditions. Is your character poor, well-off, or rich? Do they have immigrant parents, are they an immigrant themself, or have they been a citizen all this time and not understand the struggles of undocumented people? Are they in touch with their culture or slowly losing it? All of these can affect the way your character acts, talks, and grows.

If you’re a white person or simply someone who is writing out of your culture, this can be scary. You don’t want to accidentally say something wrong or put a harmful stereotype onto your character. To avoid this, research the stereotypes. See how they are subtly put into media like movies and TV shows. You may have seen some and not noticed because you never knew. When you have these, you’ll know how to avoid them.

Don’t see your character as a political thing. If you think “this is groundbreaking. I’m playing/writing a character of a different culture and must do everything right! I will be the best!” then you’re doing it wrong. Portray your character as you would if they were the same race as you. Or if you had them as aracial. Do not see them as scary because you might fuck up or brave because you’re stepping out of your comfort zone. They are a human being just like you. Sort of.

How can I allow my audience to portray my characters how they want and also have proper representation?

Maybe you don’t want to have a set race/ethnicity in place because you’re afraid or uneasy. That’s alright. Some of us need baby steps. What you can do is give them a region or race but no specifics.

For example, you can have a Latine or Hispanic character without specifically saying “They’re Mexican!” or “They’re Chilean!” This allows this group of people to say “Hey! I’m Latine or Hispanic! I can portray them in my culture!” This allows your audience to have a variety of cultures to choose from.

Having free-range like this with your characters is fun. It allows people to choose what they think best fits the character while also having some representation. It’s not a constant battle of headcanons and constant white characters. Nothing wrong with them it’s just seems to be the default when it comes to headcanons.

Representation in media matters, especially in ones where there is free will to interpretation. BIPOC do not get to see ourselves in media everyday so when we can put it in ourself, we do exactly that. We make the characters live our lives through our traditions and music and style and just everything.

When the representation is poor and lazy, it shows how much a creator doesn’t care about their audience and how they only care about their image. This can be seen in aracial characters. It’s just a cop-out so creators don’t have to worry so much about it and leave the work to everybody else.

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ivyglow · 3 years

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psa + deactiv for a bit

I had some time to read what some people were saying out there and it really saddens me how many “I’m lgbtqia+ and I don’t see anything wrong with the tweets” or “at his age I used to say the same things”, this shows us two things 1) some of you were/are really privileged for not understanding that this is systemic violence, therefore, the person who said the slur doesn’t need to mean it in a bad way because it’s a slur no matter the context and 2) some of you think that just because something happened in the past you don’t need to apologize or recognize your mistakes, which is awful, I’m sorry.

Being a black girl and having a white mother taught me a lot about acknowledgment, just a couple years ago I started calling my mom out in some of her actions and she made me a lot of questions, we discussed a series of topics and her view on racism has been amplified, just a couple months ago she came to me and she apologized for something she did when I was a five years old kid, she said she was sorry if she ever made me feel bad about my skin, or my nose or anything regarding my blackness, she apologize for things she realizes were wrong to my sister too (and my sister is white, so this isn’t only about the “woke” subject as some people try to make it seem). I’ve never asked my mom to apologize, she also never asked me to forgive her, but I’m sure if she was a public person and something came out about her hurting someone (intently or not) she would apologize, because this is how we grow and this is how we acknowledge our mistakes. We understand that we’re inserted into a bigger space and this space influences how we react to some things, but when we have the opportunity to do better: we do better.

Systemic violence such as racism and homophobia don’t necessarily need the other part to mean harm, because again: it's systemic. Slurs were wrong back then and they still wrong nowadays. It doesn’t mean that because you used it back then you’re a homophobe now, but it means that you hurt someone at the time and how you react and respond to this situation now says something about who you are in the present. I’m so so sad with people saying they used to say it therefore it's not a problem or that he was a kid. Yes, it was something “common” to SOME of you at the time, but it doesn’t mean it was right and if any of you ever get the opportunity to apologize to someone that was around you at the time: please, do. Yes, nols was a teenager at the time, but as a white, rich boy he gets to have the “space to grow” and make mistakes that bipoc and some lgbtqia+ never had. My brother has the same age as Nolan, and he wasn’t excused for his mistakes -no matter how small they were- because he was a black kid.

When I say publicly talking and apologizing, addressing the issue, I mean it so people can see that no matter if for some it seemed ok back then, it wasn’t. Some of you didn’t felt personally attacked by the slurs, which is fine but to say that it wasn’t harmful reduces the feeling of a whole group to your own feelings, it makes exactly what those acts of violence do: it treats us as homogenous.

I’m completely fine with people supporting him, I really am, it wasn’t my intention to make everyone angry with my first post, I was addressing an issue that was brought to me in my ask box, saying how hockey culture is not something that starts on the nhl or isn’t influenced by the majority there (white, rich, cis, etc). Whoever took the time to read the whole thing saw that I said everything people are repeating there: he was a teenager, probably space, where he grew up, didn’t really introduce him on social issues, people probably never called him out on that at the time and so on, but this doesn’t change the fact that slurs aren’t ok. It strikes me as some of you still live in a fairytale where we get to have bad guys and good guys, but we're human beings and we need to start understanding that someone can do something bad in the past without necessarily being a bad person (that goes from problem to problem, of course). You say you want to change hockey culture and that you want to do better but when a bipoc/lgbtqia+ points an issue and wants to debate it y’all are quick to choose the one who has the same view as you and use it (@someone is gay and didn’t felt affected by it, therefore, it isn’t a big deal!!!), and it's just curious, honestly.

You also feel as if you have the right to come to my inbox and say hateful stuff, question my views and point a finger at me. I’m not perfect nor I expect any player to be, I’m well aware they are mostly white rich men, and the environment they grew up in is completely different from what we would expect as the ideal, but it doesn’t mean that we’re gonna simply ignore issues. That being said I’m not answering about this topic anymore, its tiring and stressful especially when people already have everything out there, and what I keep doing is basically repeating myself in different ways just so yall get your message. I’m not here to educate, this is supposed to be a safe space for me, yet I do talk about these topics because I know we need it more around here. The fact that some of you choose to block me (when we never really talked!!!), point me as a problematic blog, or diminish the topic, shows a lot about hockey culture (that is very present between the fans, not only in the league).

When you start to realize that part of the discomfort we feel while dealing with these issues is the key to changing the situation we’re gonna start going somewhere, while you keep diminishing it and trying to make excuses we’ll be stuck.

I recommend you to read mia’s rant about it here. Also, take some time to read about the nwhl situation here.

I’m leaving for a while, maybe a day or two or maybe a week, I’m not sure, I just need some time to get my energy back, I deal with this shit every day irl, I shouldn’t have to feel bad in here. I’m really thankful for all the supportive people and I’m really sorry for the hateful anons or the people who felt like I was attacking them or their fave, that wasn’t my intention (especially because nols was my fav too, but I personally felt kinda off, maybe in a different time I wouldn’t feel off and that's ok too). Anyway, I hope I see y’all soon in a better vibe than that (those last lb’s were really good for me btw! you guys are amazing) and if you miss me that much (jk) you can ask for my discord acc to my tito ( @barbienoturbby ). love yall <3 mel

I’m turning my anons back because of all the named anons I had and I know some of them don’t have a tumblr acc but please: don’t send in shitty things/hate, just go live your life the way you want and leave me in peace.

sorry for the long rant, I just felt like clarifying things because besides the asks there are people blocking me and unf me like crazy which is ?????

#nolpats hasn't show signals of being problematic like other players in our league and when we point an issue it seems as if were accusing +#him of being #which we're not doing #we're just starting an important debate and looking for acknowledgment #nolpats still a good person in my head #but it doesn’t change the fact that he just like some of us did something wrong and the right thing to do is act on it #anyway #I'll probably bb cuz I think I'll miss lbs and some of my friends and anons #important #mel rambles #see yall soon I hope <3 #muah #hugs kisses and all the rainbows hearts and stars emojis I usually use jaja #i queued some stuff so you might see my user around this week assjsj #ill make sure to queue some more hihi #see you soon guys!#nolan patrick #this is the last thing im tagging about him btw #no worries about clogging since im not talking about it again too :)#s all good #yall can move on w your lives

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deactivated-20220808 · 3 years

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The Community Doesn’t Treat Introjects Like People, And As An Introject, I’m Tired Of It.

Hello all.

Technically not Remy here, but on some level, still Remy, and oh boy do I have a scalding hot take.

Almost /nobody/ in the community online treats fictives with any sort of humanity, dignity or respect.

One of THE biggest issues in the online system and plural communities is the fetishization of introjects, i.e. fictives/factives/etc, but particularly fictives and factives. This is something that happens on ALL sides of the community, it happens with pro-endos, anti-endos, DIDOSDD1 systems, parogenics, endogenics, all of us alike. Origin is irrelevant when fictives and introjects are involved.

In the community, there is a huge expectation for how fictives and factives are supposed to operate:

Introjects are always fictives or factives of comfort media/characters/creators/etc, and never of people you know IRL and especially never the collective’s abusers

You must have a deep connection to your source

You must have “source memories”/pseudomemories (the medical term)

You must always have “source trauma”/“exotrauma” related to your source

You must generally follow headcannons involved in the fandom or headcannons that your collective holds

You must actively seek out source content that suits you/your canon

You must miss your sourcemates and make “canon calls”/“source calls”

Being separated from your source always causes severe distress and discomfort

You must always split with no knowledge of the system or where you are now

Every time you watch a new media, you must split new introjects from it

You must always be fully 3D alters and never fragments

You must never grow past your source or become your own person, and must always be treated like your source

There are more, but these are the big expectations and stereotypes that I can think of off the top of my head.

Now, disclaimer here, I am not the Remy that generally posts on this blog, I am the co-host of the system. You should still call me/us Remy, I’m just specifying, because the Remy that generally posts here is not an introject, whereas I am and thus I feel more qualified to talk about my experiences being an introject that doesn’t fit any community expectations, standards and stereotypes, and how that alienates me from other introjects/fictives/factives/etc. I’m also going to be speaking mainly from the perspective of an alter in a DID system, and mainly talking about DID systems and introjects/fictives/factives/etc in DID systems, since I don’t feel comfortable speaking on the experiences of plurals that are non-traumagenic and non-dissociative.

I am an introject of multiple sources, 2 specific ones in fact: A fictional character, and our abusive stepfather.

I don’t have pseudomemories/“source memories” from either ‘source’. I don’t have memories of ‘being’ the fictional character I’m introjected from, and I don’t have memories of abusing my family. I just hold the appearance and some traits of said fictional character, in combination with traits and behaviors related to our stepfather. I didn’t start off as an introject of the fictional character, either. I started off as a fragment from childhood that held memories, emotions and traits related to our stepfather, and only recently, as of this year, did I actually become aware of myself during a traumatic event that I now hold the memories of. Because of that traumatic event, I started becoming more “3D” as it were, and part of that was latching onto the identity and appearance of a fictional character that displays prevalent anger issues and has frequent angry outbursts, something that is related to the traumatic event that caused me to become aware, as well as something that is related to our stepfather’s behavior. This character was also abused very similarly to how we were abused, making the connection and reasons for latching onto this identity stronger and more obvious, but in spite of this, I don’t have memories of being abused by ‘my’ parents in my source.

I only know that I’m an introject of that fictional character because of my appearance, and I know that I’m an introject of our stepfather because I share many, many traits with him, but I don’t have “source memories”/“pseudomemories” or any real deep attachment to my “sources”. In that same vein, I also don’t have “source trauma”. I don’t follow headcannons that people/Remy (host) has for the character I’m based off of. I don’t seek out source content very much because I don’t have a connection to my sources. I engage with it casually as in drawing fanart for the characters, but that is mostly to spread our artwork and to get commissions as my fictional source is a popular show. I don’t miss ‘sourcemates’, I don’t have any. I came into awareness knowing about the system, knowing who I was, knowing where I was, and knowing our general life situation, I didn’t come from nothing, (no alters come from nothing, they come from your subconscious, so they’re more likely to know what’s going on than they are to not).

I don’t share many traits with many of the other introjects in the communities because of this. I hate being treated like or compared to my source(s), so I don’t generally tell people I’m an introject at all. I changed my name, my appearance (relatively) and did as much detachment from my source as possible because trying to stay connected to it was exhausting. I constantly struggle with lines of thought like “[source character] wouldn’t act like this, you’re fake”. I actively tried to come up with ‘source memories’ so I could fit in with the other introjects, and it never worked or felt right because I wasn’t supposed to have any because I didn’t need any, even if the character I’m based on experienced a very similar abuse to what we experienced bodily.

Because of this, I feel extremely alienated from the system/plural communities online, because I don’t see many other introjects like me at all. I just see the community expectations of introjects, and I’m half inclined to believe that some introjects are exaggerating certain things about themselves to fit in, much like I tried to. What really doesn’t help is the fact that people treat introjects like a commodity, like something cool to have when we’re not. We’re just alters based heavily and obviously off of outside sources. That’s it. Introjects are always expected to tell people they’re introjects, we’re expected to flaunt our introject status as if it were an alter’s role within the system, which doesn’t make sense, because “introject” is not a role, its a type of alter, such as a ‘nonhuman alter’ or a ‘child alter’/‘little’. These aren’t roles, they’re alter types and there’s a huge difference. My role is not ‘introject’, it’s ‘co-host’ and ‘alter that keeps everyone’s shit together by keeping us on track’, and yet, here we are, parading around acting like ‘introject’, ‘fictive’, ‘factive’, ‘fuzztive’, etc, are all alter roles and not descriptors.

I don’t understand people’s apparent need to let everyone know that a certain alter is an introject, or how attached to ‘source’ they are, or the need to tell people you’re ‘introject heavy’, considering the fact that not only is this all personal information, it very obviously affects how people view and treat your system. People don’t treat introjects normally, they always come up to us, whether they’re singlets or systems or plural or whatever, and say shit like “you’re problematic for being an introject of x character/person/etc”, or “i love your source!” or “your source is triggering to me, don’t front around me”, or “why did you do x thing in your source?”, as if we’re expected to know what to say to that, or like we’re supposed to go “oh yes i know, i’m sorry for existing”, or “thanks for liking my source I guess??”, or “yeah sorry you obviously have the right to control who does and doesn’t front within our system and have the right to take away an alter’s autonomy just for us to exist around you collectively” or forcing us to explain why our source characters have done certain things, whether we have source memories surrounding those events or not.

The facts are: No one outside your collective is entitled to know you’re an introject. No one outside your collective is entitled to say who is and isn’t allowed to front. No one outside your collective is entitled to speak about your source with you. No one outside your collective is entitled to ask you invasive questions about your source and things “you” did in source, whether you remember them or not.

Another thing, people always talk about an introject’s source character/person/etc as if that introject is literally that character, and people don’t see how incredibly harmful this is? You don’t see how incredibly damaging it can be to tell an introject that they are literally that character, and reinforce dissociation between your alters by implying that everything they did and went through is real, by referring to them as that fictional character they’re based on? Because while it may hurt some alters to hear this, no, what you went through is not real or something that actually happened, that’s why the clinical term for ‘source memories’ is ‘pseudomemories’. Your source memories are based off of a combination of a very dissociated consciousness’s way of trying to conceptualize trauma, trying to make sense of everything by ‘filling in the gaps’, and a fictional piece of media/events that you did not go through bodily. It is not a ‘reality check’ to say this for several reasons, mainly because that is a term relating to psychosis/delusions.

It sucks for some alters to hear this at first, but your source memories did not literally happen, and the sooner we let go of this expectation of having detailed ‘source memories’ and ‘source trauma’, and the idea that we constantly have to reaffirm that these memories are ‘real’, the sooner and easier it will be to let go of a lot of these memories and trauma, and to start connecting/integrating* with your system.

(Note: I am not using “integrate” (lowering of dissociative barriers between alters, increasing communication, etc), to mean “fuse” (the merging of two or more alters into one), the two are very different and have very different meanings. Integration is required for healing in DIDOSDD1, but fusion is not.)

I’m not saying source memories or your feelings surrounding these memories (if you have them) aren’t valid, ‘source memories’ are normal to have in both introjects and non-introjects. I’m saying that these events did not literally happen to the body or to you. Most often, source memories are a way of processing and conceptualizing trauma that the body experienced in a way where the brain can think about it, but not have to attribute the trauma to something that happened to them, (ie it’s the brain saying ‘this trauma happened to this fictional character, not to me!’). Introjects are alters heavily and obviously /based off of/ an outside source, they are not, nor were they ever, the characters they are built around. They are and have always been, (in DID), dissociated aspects of a heavily traumatized and hypercompartmentilized consciousness. The implication that introjects were, at some point, the fictional characters they were based on, but /now/ they’re alters in a system, is extremely unhealthy and reinforces substitute beliefs that keep a system from functioning and integrating healthily.

I almost feel bad for other introjects in other systems/collectives, because even their own systems/collectives will treat them this way, and it only does damage in the long run. Most, if not all, introjects are at some point going to have to come to the conclusion that they aren’t and were never literally their sources, that the things they remember happening, while valid experiences, did not literally happen, and that they are allowed to grow past their sources and become their own people, that they don’t constantly have to perform as the characters/people/things that they are based off of. You don’t eventually /have/ to be 100% detached from your source like I am to be valid or whatever, I’m saying that if your existence as an introject is distressing to you, you are allowed to forfeit that identity and build yourself a new one. If it’s hurting you, you don’t have to go by your source name or dress like your source or act like your source or use images from/related to your source for your profile pictures or even tell people that you’re an introject/what your source is. You literally do not have to. I know the community encourages people to tell everyone everything about their system, specifically as a validity thing as well as pressure to be like other systems since everyone else is doing it, but you don’t have to do that at all. It is no one’s business if you don’t want it to be.

To everyone that has introjects or interacts with them:

Stop pushing these expectations onto introjects. Stop expecting introjects to have source memories. Stop expecting introjects to fit your headcannons every single time you split a new one. Stop suggesting that they were at some point literally that character/person/etc that they are based on. Stop parading around the fact that your introjects are introjects without their permission. Stop telling other people private things about your alters without their permission, actually, this just happens to be an issue that is especially prevalent with introjects. Stop forcing the idea that introjects are always heavily connected to their sources. Stop forcing your introjects into the box of “introject” and let us become our own people outside of what we’re based on if we want to be.

You may not realize this, but in DIDOSDD1, everything that happens in your system is based on your subconscious thoughts/views whether you are aware of these thoughts/views or not. Everything about your subconscious affects your entire system because you are all in the same brain and are all part of the same subconscious, whether you want to believe it or not. The way you view your introjects subconsciously is going to affect how your introjects split and how they behave, because everything down to what introjects you split, how they behave and how they interact with the rest of the system are determined by your subconscious thoughts/views of that source character/person they’re based on, the trauma/stress you experienced when they split, and your subconscious views of introjects, alters and your system as a whole. The less you view your introjects as people/individuals with their own thoughts/feelings/autonomy, the more that is going to affect how they behave, how they view themselves, (and it’s usually going to to be dehumanizing themselves because of this treatment), as well as how they integrate with the rest of the system, (ie usually by preventing or slowing down healing and integration).

This community needs to learn how to treat introjects with basic humanity and respect. We are just as deserving of respect and dignity as any other system member. I’m not the character/person I was based off of. I’m just me. The same goes for every other introject out there. I’m sorry if this is hard to hear or too ‘hot’ of a take, but I am so tired of (my alter type) being dehumanized by a community that is supposed to uplift, respect and care for us.

This needs to change.

Sincerely,

Remy

(PS: If any introjects want to add onto this post with their own negative experiences within the community, feel free. Or alternatively, you can come into our inbox about it, on or off anon, and talk about your experiences, and we can link it to a more concise post talking about the negative experiences of introjects within the community.)

#txt #syscourse #long post #actuallyplural #actuallytraumagenic #actuallydid #actuallymultiple #endogenic #pluralgang #anti endo #pro endo #introject #fictive #factive #pluralmeta #sysmeta #didmeta #pluralitycritique

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lesetoilesfous · 3 years

Note

For DWC: "These chains never leave me, I keep dragging them around" from the Florence prompt list for Anders/Fenris?

Ah I had so much fun with this, thank you! I hope I did it justice!!

(If you’d like me to write you a dragon age fic, send me a prompt from here!)

@dadrunkwriting

Pairing: Fenders

Characters: Fenris, Anders

Tags: hurt/comfort, angst, canon-typical graphic depictions of violence, Anders was right, anti-chantry, graphic reference to infanticide, Tevinter is awful, graphic reference to abortion, oblique reference to sexual assault, self-hatred, mention of self-harm, suicidal ideation. Basically post-Danarius, and all that entails. Characters dealing with trauma, PTSD and survivor’s guilt.

Rating: Mature

It’s been one week, two days and three hours since Fenris killed Danarius. He is sitting with Hawke and her friends in her mansion, because he had not been able to conceal his discomfort when they’d visited The Hanged Man, unable to remove from his recent memory the stain of blood on the floorboards and the sting of his sister’s betrayal. Corff had, at least, worked a miracle with the former. As far as the latter was concerned - Fenris did not think that Isabela was the only one who’d noticed him startling in the Lowtown crowd at the sight of every redheaded elf. The trait was, blessedly, a rare one. There was that, at least.

In the beautiful marble fireplace, Hawke’s fire roars loud and red, crackling with heat that licks gold light over the sandy, muscular back of her mabari, half asleep on the wine purple rug laid over the stone. Sandal is humming somewhere in one of the rooms nearby, and occasionally, under the loud sound of Hawke’s voice and her companions’ laughter, Fenris can make out the soft sound of Bodahn talking to his son. Orana, of course, is inaudible. She knows better.

Fenris bites the inside of his cheek, hard, and drinks deeply from his cup. The wine in it is thick and rich and velvet. Fenris can feel Marian’s eyes on him, but he can also see, from the corner of his eye, the way that her muscular arm is looped casually around Isabela’s shoulders. As he lowers his cup, he catches the way that Isabela tilts her head back, thick black hair falling over Marian’s tunic as she brushes her lips against her ear. He can see the way Marian flushes.

Fenris gets to his feet, and by the fireplace Dog raises her great sandy head. He gives her a small, calming gesture, and next to the low table onto which they’ve scattered their cards, Marian frowns at him. “Fenris?”

Fenris motions vaguely in the direction of the kitchen. “I need some water.” He tries to ignore the eyes of his companions on him as he goes. Instead, he leaves the warm, firelit parlour and walks into the cold, empty rooms not baked gold by fireplaces. Fenris feels his shoulders lower as soon as he gets to the second room, standing in the grey and black dusty shadow of an utterly deserted music room. Through the narrow stone windows of the Amell Estate, he can see the deep black sky of Kirkwall, scattered with stars. Houses fall like broken marble down towards the sea, which crashes with a distant roar against the cliffs. At the edge of the horizon, moonlight races silver across the waves. Fenris stares at it, and thinks about being a younger man, on an island, thinking that it would be the last thing he ever saw.

“Nice view, isn’t it?”

Fenris whirls on instinct, limbs moving with muscle memory as the lyrium sewn into his skin sets his nerve endings on fire and he plunges his hand into the intruder’s chest. In the dark, Anders’ blonde hair is grey and silver. If he’s bothered by the pain about which Fenris’ victims had so often complained to him before their grisly demise, he doesn’t show it. Instead, he raises his eyebrows at Fenris over the wrist plunged into his chest. Fenris squeezes his fingers, and feels the frantic, shuddering jerk of Anders’ heart in his palm, the warm, wet sensation of it dulled by the distance of the Fade.

“Why aren’t you afraid of me?”

Anders breathes out, a long, shuddering breath that belies his calm demeanour. Fenris had not previously thought him capable of such a poker face. His heart beats in Fenris’ hand like a bird, struggling. “I don’t know.” Anders meets his eyes, and in the dark his are almost black, but his blonde eyelashes are gilded silver by the moon. “I guess I trust you.”

Fenris’ fingers uncurl around Anders’ heart, and the mage’s shoulders lower from where they’d been scraping his ears. Fenris’ gaze falls to his long, crooked fingers, but there’s no telltale spark of magic there. Slowly, Fenris withdraws his hand, watching it fade through the frayed fabric of Anders’ coat as he tries to ignore the burn of a hot, embarrassed flush pushing up into his cheeks.

Outside the mansion, on the streets of Kirkwall, a pair of mabari start barking, great bellowing things that echo against the stone buildings. A cat yowls, and far off there’s the sound of people shouting. Fenris stares at his bare feet on the stone floor of Hawke’s mansion and hates the fact that his eyes are burning as he tries to untangle his tongue, and dispel the impression that Anders will do something awful to him for his trespass. (Hadriana’s smile flickers behind his eyelids every time he blinks. Her fingers curl, wreathed in green light. His own screams echo in his ears long before the pain hits.)

“Are you alright?”

Anders’ voice is rough and soft, and Fenris jerks his head up, falling back on the easy confidence of anger and letting it buoy him up out of his despair.

“What do you care, mage?”

As Fenris speaks he surges forward, feeling his lips curl back from his teeth in a sneer. Anders doesn’t back away, and it leaves their faces mere inches apart. Anders is looking at him oddly, and abruptly Fenris wishes for more light: knowing the man well enough by now after almost a decade to be able to read the spiderweb cracks of wrinkles in his face as the giveaway they tended to be.

“You haven’t been yourself since -” Anders hesitates, and Fenris hates him for it, and abruptly cannot look at him. So instead he turns away, throwing his hands into the empty air as if that will satisfy his urge to hit something.

“Since what? Since I killed him. Tell me, mage, what is my ‘self’? What am I?” Fenris means it as a challenge, but his voice cracks, and when he turns back to Anders, chest heaving, he’s horrified to realise that tears are running down his cheeks. He glances at the open door, leading into the dark and deeper into the mansion. He takes a step in the direction of the doorframe.

“Brave.” Anders says the word quickly, and Fenris stops, unable to force himself to turn around but unable to leave either as some stupid, childish part of him that he had long since thought irreparably ruined rises in delight. “Funny. And you know it, though you pretend you don’t.” It’s getting hard to breathe. Fenris stares into the thick shadows of the next room, where Orana’s drawn the curtains across the window. Elsewhere in the mansion, there’s a cheer and a crow of triumph from Isabela as the rest of their friends laugh.

“Smartest man I’ve ever met, probably.” Anders goes on, but doesn’t move. “Fucking stubborn. Annoying. Terrifying, with a greatsword. And without one.” Anders hesitates, and Fenris hears the catch of his breath as clear as a bell struck at daybreak. “My friend.”

Fenris clenches his jaw so tightly his teeth hurt, and shuts his eyes. More tears fall down his cheeks, tickling his chin as they go.

“A good man. That’s what you are, Fenris.” Anders delivers the proclamation with the same certainty with which he insists on his desperate, hopeless, flawed revolution.

Fenris whirls on him. “And what do you know of good men?” Fenris means it cruelly, and he tries to take satisfaction in the way that Anders flinches. But then the stupid, stubborn, ridiculous man lifts his chin.

“Enough to know one when I see one. And know when he’s being an ass.”

“You know nothing of me!” Fenris almost bellows, and cowers when the words echo. For a moment, both he and Anders hold their breath as they wait for one of Hawke’s servants - or worse - their friends, to come and investigate. But a minute passes, tense as a knife edge, and no one does. Fenris goes on, and tries to ignore the prickling in his sweating hands. “You don’t know what I am. You don’t know what I’ve done.”

Dust motes dance silver in the starlight as they fall onto the piano. Anders purses his lips. “Alright, I don’t. But I know that you dress up as Fen’harel for the kids in the alienage every Wintersend. I know you win more often at cards than you say you do, and that you let Merrill win. I know you’re a little bit in love with Isabela, and a little bit in love with Hawke, and it kills you that they chose each other because it kills me too. I know that you have more reason than any bastard I’ve ever met to hurt me until I forget how to breathe and you’re one of very few people who never has. I know that I’ve known you for a decade and you haven’t killed me yet.”

“I might.” It’s not a threat. Fenris doesn’t look at Anders when he says it, staring dully instead at the painting on the wall: some rainy Fereldan landscape, the details of which he can’t make out in the dark.

“But you haven’t.” Anders steps forward, and Fenris steps back, and feels dizzily as if they’re dancing. The moonlight catches on Anders’ chin, and Fenris can make out the faint tooth of a scar just below his bottom lip, hair thin in his stubble. Anders swallows, and breaks Fenris’ gaze, eyes tracing over a lute hanging on the wall. “You know mages don’t get to keep their kids.”

The subject change is so abrupt that Fenris feels as if he’s been physically thrown off kilter. “What?” He’s been standing here long enough to feel the cold, now, and taste the wood polish in the air. Anders goes on, still not looking at him, massaging one hand with the other as his fingers flex.

“They take them away. Can’t abort them, not under Chantry law. I’m a Spirit Healer.”

Fenris’ frown deepens, the back of his head already aching with the dull constant stress of the last fortnight and the sleeplessness that came with it. “I know.” He tries not to make his frustration obvious. Judging by the small grin Anders gives him, he doesn’t succeed.

“I started working with the Circle Healer when I was 17. Day after I was Harrowed. First day wasn’t so bad. A couple lashings. Attempted suicide. Self-harmer. Some kid who said he walked into a wall.” Anders rolls his eyes, huffing a laugh as his hands move to massage his wrists. Fenris watches him carefully. “Second day. There was this girl. Fifteen, Templar father, obviously. I helped deliver that baby.” Anders’ expression shutters. “She wasn’t allowed to see it. I did. I got to hold it, give it to some lieutenant who held it like it was contagious. I don’t even know if it made out of Kinloch. But she begged me to let her hold it and all I could say was that it was already gone.”

“That -” Fenris picks his words as carefully as he would navigate a floor covered in broken glass. “I do not think that you were the one at fault, there.”

“I know.” Anders says the words simply, and reaches up into his hair to pull the tie loose, scratching the tangled waves that fall around his head as he does so. “My point is, when you’re a prisoner, most of the time, the burden is on your gaolor. And you aren’t Danarius’ crimes.”

“It is not the same.” Fenris grinds the words between his teeth as his fingers tighten into fists hard enough to hurt. “I was - the things I did - I did not take babies. I killed them. I broke their skulls on his altars. I aborted them from their mothers before I killed them, too. I cannot - there are not words for the marks that what I have done, what I did, has left on my soul, and I do not know if I will do them again, and I fear them and I fear him, and I fear myself, and I hate them and I hate him and I hate myself, and every hour of every day I live with these cursed chains on my body that I cannot shake no matter how far I run and I do not know how to make it stop.” Once Fenris starts speaking, he can’t slow down, the words falling from his tongue with the tears that run thick and fast down his cheeks as he tears at his arms hard enough to make them bleed. Anders startles forward, and Fenris jerks backward, thrusting his burning hands into the air between them. “I would tear it from my skin. I would rip myself apart piece by piece if I did not know that killing myself would only be a mercy that I have never deserved.” Fenris breathes, and it splinters in his chest. He finishes in a hoarse whisper. “You know nothing of what I am, or what I have been, or what I have suffered, or what I have done. You never have.”

Behind Fenris, through the window, the sound of the ocean beats incessantly against the land. Elsewhere in the mansion, their companions are quiet, and the sound of Sandal’s singing has ceased. Fenris can feel his blood roaring in his ears, and doesn’t bother to brush the tears from his cheeks. Standing in the middle of the room, Anders stares at him, his tall thin figure swaying like a sapling in a breeze.

Then he says, “You’re right. There’s a lot about you that I don’t know or understand and, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry. I’m kind of an asshole sometimes. But, Fenris? I need you to know this.” Anders steps forward and gets, stiffly, to his knees, one leg bending more slowly than the other. Fenris stares at him, bewildered, and steps backward until his head bumps softly against the wall. “Forgive the melodrama but uh, I don’t get on my knees for just anyone.” Fenris doesn’t think he has ever seen Anders on his knees, and he realises abruptly that he had never wanted to. Anders gives him a small, nervous smile, and takes a deep breath, swallowing before he speaks. “Fenris. From a mage, on his knees, asking you to listen to him. You deserve to live.”

The sob that works its way out of Fenris’ chest is a living thing, and Fenris chokes on it, sliding down the wall as he begins to cry in earnest. Anders, mercifully, doesn’t move. Fenris doesn’t know how long he cries, only that at the end of it his throat aches and his eyes burn and his head is pounding. But when he opens his eyes, Anders is still there, silver in the dark on his knees next to the piano. Fenris stares at him, and tries to clear his throat.

“You’re a very strange man.”

Anders shrugs, and moves with a visible wince to take the weight off his left knee, leaning against the piano stool as he gingerly unfolds his leg. “I’ve been called worse.”

Slowly, he reaches out into the space between them, scarred, crooked, calloused hand palm upwards, fingers outstretched. Anders looks at him, and his brown eyes are almost black in the dark. Slowly, fighting the sensation that this must be some kind of trap, Fenris reaches out and takes it. Anders’ fingers are cool against his, and his knuckles are bumpy and uneven. But he squeezes Fenris’ hand so hard it’s almost painful, and Fenris feels more tears stinging at the back of his eyes.

For a moment, they sit like that, peaceful in the quiet. Then there’s a soft knock on the doorframe, and Bodahn ducks his head in, face lit by a candle in a brass dish. “Sorry to interrupt messeres, but Mistress Hawke wanted to know if you’d like some libation to keep you company?”

Fenris glances at Anders, half moving to pull his hand back. But Anders’ hand tightens on his, and instead, feeling strangely childish, he nods at Bodahn. “Yes, please. That would be appreciated.”

Bodahn gives him a small, kind smile and ducks his head. “Very good, messere.” He turns, and leaves, and Fenris watches Anders as he shuts his eyes and leans his head back against the barstool, hair fanning out around him like some Orlesian princess.

“I thought you didn’t drink.” It’s not an accusation, motivated more by curiosity than anything.

Anders’ lips curl, and he opens one eye to look at Fenris, fingers tightening in his. “For you? I’ll make an exception. It’s been a long week.”

#dadwc #my fic #fenders #da2 #fenris #anders #tsuraiwrites

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incorrectzutaraquotes · 4 years

Text

let’s talk racial micro aggressions, because i’ve been seeing a lot of them being used online toward people speaking out about racism and even in fandoms unfortunately, so i think it’s time we have a talk. this is gonna be a semi long one, so buckle up.

just for reference, im asian american. because of that i’ve gone my entire life experiencing racism and discrimination simple because im not white. of course, i have definitely had it better than a lot of people, but that doesn’t take away from my experiences at all. i grew up hating the way i looked, trying to fix myself because i genuinely thought something was wrong with me. this led to years and years of insecurity and self hatred. something i had to go through alone, because my family was white and i was too afraid to tell them how i felt. i was afraid they wouldn’t understand. it’s still something i struggle with, though it’s gotten better.

growing up, as stated before, i was around white people. growing up in a very white town, i unfortunately wasn’t formally educated on racism or what micro aggressions were, i just knew that certain comments made me uneasy and uncomfortable, and hurt my feelings. it wasn’t until i was older, when i started using social media that i really came to understand what all of this was.

a lot of you who have white privilege are using it to uplift bipoc voices, and i think that’s great. however it’s also important to acknowledge that many people who are actively anti racist still have implicit biases, which can lead to microaggressions.

first of all, what are microaggressions? you may or may not be familiar with the term. if you’re not, that’s okay! you can use this post to educate yourself and make sure you don’t make these mistakes in the future. microaggressions are defined as brief and commonplace daily verbal, behavioural, or environmental indignities, whether intentional or unintentional, that communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative prejudicial slights and insults toward any group, particularly culturally marginalized groups.

basically, intentional or unintentional derogatory and prejudice behaviors directed towards marginalized groups.

these are very harmful to marginalized groups, mostly because they’re not as blatant as outright racism, misogyny, homophobia, etc. this makes it often hard to detect, and you may have found yourself using micro aggressions at some point in your life. that’s not important though, what’s important is that, if you have used them in the past, you understand what you said or did was wrong, and that you learn from it.

now, what are specific racial micro aggressions? i’ve compiled a list of them under the cut, and explained why these are insulting and harmful to poc.

“where are you really from” – this insinuates that we will always be seen as foreigners, and not citizens to our own country. it brings on a feeling of not being good enough and that we will not be accepted.

“not everything’s about race” – if you’re white stop telling bipoc how to feel about race. we are tired of it. please don’t speak over us when we are expressing our discomfort. if poc people are telling you something is racist, it’s racist. stop trying to argue with us, as you are not the ones being affected by it.

“your food is so weird” – it’s only weird to you because it hasn’t been westernized or americanized. insisting that foreign foods are weird or gross because you aren’t used to it, is hurtful. it’s insulting.

“all asians look the same” – by saying this, you’re taking away our individuality. asia is a huge continent, not all of us follow the same traditions and not all of us look the same. it’s not a funny joke, and it never has been.

“you’re pretty for a *insert any race here*” – this is just such a backhanded compliment. it implies that we are not typically or conventionally pretty. it has the same negative connotations as saying “you’re really good...for a girl”. that’s misogynistic for the same reasons saying this is racist.

“i don’t see color” – again, you’re basically erasing our individuality and culture and telling us we shouldn’t embrace it. many pocs even completely distance themselves from their cultures to seek white validation, which is in every sense of the word, upsetting. people want to fit in so bad that they’re willing to leave behind their entire culture. something that sucks about being adopted at such a young age from a white family, is that i have never had a connection with my culture. i know nothing about it, and that hurts. i rationalized in my head that the reason i didn’t learn about it sooner was because i was happy, but that was a lie i told myself for years. the sad thing is, is that because i wasn’t connected to my culture at all, i fit in better and had an easier time making friends then other pocs in my school.

assuming all asian people are smart or good at math – stop. it’s not funny. never has been. the stereotype that all asians are smart is not a compliment, and puts a lot of pressure on us as individuals. it objectifies us, assuming we are more like machines and not actual people. long story short, it’s dehumanizing.

“im not/cant be racist i have black friends” – contrary to popular belief, yes you can be. you can still have a racial bias while being friends with bipoc people. being associated with poc people doesn’t suddenly mean you’re not racist. you may even make racist jokes and think it’s okay because they don’t tell you to stop. just because they are seemingly unbothered does not mean it’s not still racist. a lot of times we are uncomfortable in situations like that, but are too afraid to speak up in fear of our feelings being invalidated or being told to lighten up because it’s just a joke. saying we’re too sensitive when it comes to making mockeries of our races and cultures, is also a micro aggression.

saying “you people” or “y’all” when talking, usually negatively, about a person of a specific race – you’re generalizing an entire group because of one bad experience which is just contributing to the stereotypes and racism we face daily. one or a few bad interactions with a person of a different race does not speak for an entire population.

clutching your bag tight when a poc person, usually black or latinx, stands next to you or following them in the store – the way i still have to explain this one in 2020. they are not criminals, but by doing this, you’re contributing to the stereotype that they are all criminals and thugs, which simply isn’t true. this stereotype is very damaging and harmful, as it also contributes to the systematic oppression of those people.

assuming someone only got a certain job or position because they’re bipoc – this insinuates that we did not work hard to get where we are, and that we did not deserve what we got. we simply got it because we aren’t white. affirmative action comes up a lot in this conversation. all affirmative action does is help decide between equally qualified people by favoring the ones who suffer from discrimination in society, but it does not reserve spots for them.

assuming someone knows how to speak mandarin because they’re asian – asia is a large continent with A LOT of languages and cultures. not everyone is chinese. not everyone speaks the same language. it’s insulting and adds to the already hurtful stereotype that all asians look the same.

“you speak english really well” or “how did you learn to speak english so well” – it’s called practicing because people have been making fun of those with accents for years, simply because they are not used to it. being surprised when a poc speaks english well implies that you may think because they’re not white, they are less educated. we’ve simply assimilated because our cultures are constantly rejected and mocked by white people and even other pocs. this also contributes to the notion that westerners are more “civilized” or that they are better, because they(generally speaking this obviously doesn’t apply to everyone)make no effort to learn our cultures, but we have to learn theirs in order to be seen as “acceptable”.

“but *insert race* are racist too” or pointing out immoral things other countries do when people of that race speak up about racism - you’re redirecting the conversation to avoid responsibility. you don’t actually care about those issues, you just want to invalidate our struggles by pointing out that a place many of us have not been to in a long time, or ever, is very flawed. we have no say in what that government chooses to do. not all places are a democracy, and many democracies around the world are flawed.

something important to remember is that anyone can be guilty of implicit bias and micro aggressions. this is not selective to one race.

if you have anymore of these, please feel free to add on. also, if you’re a poc and something i wrote made you uncomfortable, please tell me. i want to make sure im being truthful with what i said. i did do research for some of these, and some were based on personal experiences, but if you want to add to something or you want me to change or delete something do not hesitate to call me out.

unfortunately they and other racial stereotypes are very prevalent in american media, which has normalized it in our society. this post is solely meant to educate if you weren’t previously aware of the dangers micro aggressions have on minorities. i started the list because i was tired of seeing so much normalized racism online, but i hope you learned something useful with this. if you stuck around this long, thank you for listening. i appreciate it a lot.

as for my zutara fans, i apologize for making so many rant posts rather than posting incorrect quotes. i just feel like im able to reach a larger audience with the platform i have on this account than any other one.

anyway, that’s all. thank you again for listening :)

#this is not to take away from blm #i understand that i talked a lot of asian experiences #but that’s just because i am asian #and ive personally gone through them #i’ll link some carrds to blm resources and other world issues tomorrow #it’s 4am now but yeah #please remember that your fight for equality cannot be selective #it’s important that we all understand our differences #and the different struggles we face #but it’s also important that we support each other right now #micro aggression #racism #racial bias #racism in america #black lives matter #fuck the system #its broken #and we need to fix that

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aion-rsa · 3 years

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Midnight Mass Ending Explained

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This article contains spoilers for Midnight Mass.

Ending a horror story is hard.

Perhaps no one knows that better than Mike Flanagan, the writer-director behind horror hits like Doctor Sleep, The Haunting of Hill House, and The Haunting of Bly Manor. After observing the occasional less-than-enthusiastic reaction to the endings of some of his other projects, Flanagan decided to end his latest, Netflix series Midnight Mass, on his own terms.

“I didn’t want to come up with an ending that I thought would please people,” Flanagan told Den of Geek and other outlets prior to Midnight Mass’s premiere. “I wanted to come up with the ending that would have the most to say down the line.”

So what, exactly, does the ending of Midnight Mass have to say? Let’s explain just what goes down in the conclusion of Midnight Mass and assess what it all means.

What’s Up with Mildred Gunning and John Pruitt?

Monsignor John Pruitt a.k.a. Father Paul (Hamish Linklater) was, by all indications, a good Christian man.

“The thing we kept coming back to is that authentically, through-and-through evil people are very rare. We’re all way more complicated. The humanity of Father Paul was something that was baked in relatively early,” Flanagan says.

Though Pruitt is not a bad man, per se, he is a deeply flawed one. A long time ago, before the “war” (probably World War II or The Korean War), Pruitt hooked up with the married Mildred Gunning and fathered their daughter Sarah Gunning out of wedlock. That is obviously a big no-no for a priest and Pruitt lived with the guilt of denying his daughter for decades.

Pruitt finally got a chance to alleviate that guilt when he came across a curious creature in Damascus. In this fictional universe where the concept of a vampire is clearly not well known, John Pruitt made the understandable mistake of confusing a monstrous vampire for an equally monstrous angel. After all, the angels of the bible are so visually terrifying that they make a habit of telling those they visit “be not afraid.”

Pruitt thought this angel had granted him the gift of eternal life, just like the Bible promises. He then decides to share that gift with his congregation. The priest’s major sin here though is pride. He didn’t share the angel’s gift with his congregation out of pure benevolence. He did it because he wanted many more years of life in his prime with Mildred and Sarah at his side. Catholicism means everything to Pruitt. And yet, he would cast it all aside for another chance to have the family he wanted.

“If you showed up and asked me, I would have taken this collar off and gone with you. Gone with you anywhere in the world,” Pruitt tells Mildred after she’s been vampirified.

That’s a touching sentiment from the artist formerly known as Father Paul but it’s unfortunately a destructive one.

“When it became clear that Paul could do bad things with pure motives, the show came into clearer focus. There’s only one character in the whole show who I think is evil and it’s not Father Paul,” Flanagan says.

Only one character who is evil? Who could Flanagan be referr….ohhh.

What Were the Vampires’ Plans?

Flanagan actually never confirms which character he sees as evil, but Bev Keane (Samantha Sloyan) seems to be the best fit…unless we count the angel, and he just seems to be a hungry, growing boy.

Bev is, let’s say, a real piece of work. As beautifully depicted by Sloyan, Bev Keane is the officious church lady who can’t keep her nose out of other people’s business. After Mildred talks some sense into John Pruitt, he understands that he and his congregation “are the wolves” and refuses to participate further. That leaves a power vacuum at the top, which Bev is more than happy to step into.

Why Midnight Mass is Mike Flanagan’s Most Personal Work

By Alec Bojalad

Midnight Mass Cast: Previous Credits From Hill House to Bly Manor, Legion & Sherlock

By Louisa Mellor

Now that Bev has a veritable army of superpowered vampires what does she intend to do with them? The same thing that all Bevs want to do: make more Bevs. Bev represents the worst of colonial Christianity and its historical penchant for converting all to its kingdom of heaven…through any means necessary.

When Erin Greene (Kate Siegel) finds out that Bev and friends have merely disabled the boats and not destroyed them, she realizes that their ultimate plan is to eventually take their vampire party to the mainland and create a whole planet of enlightened Christians who just happy to have an insatiable taste for blood and a severe UV-ray allergy.

What Happens to Crockett Island?

Thankfully, Bev’s ultimate goal never comes to pass thanks to the careful plotting of the handful of human beings left in Crockett Island. Erin Greene, Sarah Gunning (Annabeth Gish), Sheriff Hassan (Rahul Kohli), and Annie Flynn (Kirstin Lehman) get to work on finishing the destruction that Bev started.

Ironically, it’s part of Bev’s plan that eventually dooms her and her kind. When one of Bev’s lackeys proposes putting out a fire that the human crew started because the whole island could burn to nothing like in ‘84, Bev’s eyes light up.

“I mean…the church didn’t burn in ‘84,” she says.

Surely this is Revelation. And Revelation means a hale mixed with fire and blood. There will be a flood of fire that ends the world and St. Patrick’s church will be the arc. That’s a great plan and all…as long as something doesn’t happen to the arc.

Welp. Sarah Gunning burns down St. Patrick’s and Sheriff Hassan and Erin Greene (with an assist from Hassan’s son) burn down the rec center. As if burning a church designated as an arc wasn’t symbolically compelling enough, recall that the rec center next to it is equally as symbolic of Bev’s greed. It was Bev who convinced Crockett Island to take the oil company’s money for ruining their island rather than pursuing litigation. And all they got out of that settlement money was that stupid rec center.

With the church and the rec center gone, there are no man-made structures for the vampires to hide from the sun in the coming morning. And that’s how an entire island of 120-ish vampires perishes simultaneously when the sun rises.

Why Do Leeza and Warren Survive?

All of Crockett Island perishes save for two actually. Warren Flynn (Igby Rigney) and Leeza Scarborough (Annarah Cymone) are spared thanks to some quick thinking. Putting the only two remaining non-vampirized children in harm’s way is not an option for Erin, Sarah, Hassan, and Annie. Thankfully, Warren knows of one secret canoe to reach the “Uppards” that Bev’s crew wouldn’t know about.

The canoe doesn’t take Warren and Leeza to the mainland but it does get them away from the carnage to come. The last shot of the series is Warren and Leeza floating peacefully and Leeza announcing that she can no longer feel her legs. This means that the last bit of “angel” blood has likely left her system and with it Pruitt’s vampire legacy is over.

Saving Warren and Leeza has practical, emotional implications for Midnight Mass’s characters but it also has some symbolic ones as well. The concept of witnessing and witnesses themselves are very important in the Bible. As a second-hand text (though purportedly with every word inspired by God) there would be no gospel without witnesses. Good news is only half the battle. Someone to witness and report on the good news is the other half. Now Warren and Leeza can report on the ultimate good news that the world is saved.

The fact that the kids survive while the adults succumb to their own adult nonsense has some major implications for Midnight Mass’s creator

“That last moment of the next generation looking out at the ashes of what the grown ups made – that’s what my kids are gonna get no matter what,” Flanagan says. “That’s what all of our kids are gonna get. I wish it wasn’t as on fire as it it. But it really is. We’re never going to be able to explain adequately to our children what happened to the planet they inherited.”

What Happens to the Angel?

With all of Crockett Island burned to the ground, the world’s vampire nightmare is over, right? Well that depends on how well you think an angel can fly with torn wings. No, that’s not an aphorism or a poem, it’s the real question facing the end of Midnight Mass.

As if saving Warren and Leeza and upending Bev Keane’s plans weren’t enough, Erin leaves one last little gift for humanity before she dies. While the angel attacks her and drinks her sweet, sweet blood, Erin begins systematically, yet carefully cutting holes in its leathery wings. At first the angel is kind of annoyed but his hunger supersedes any level of discomfort or pain he’s feeling.

Later on, while Warren and Leeza watch their home burn they see the angel flying away but in a halted, loopy pattern. The kids aren’t sure if the beast will have time to find shelter before the sun rises. According to Flanagan, if Midnight Mass is a parable (and he assures us it is) then the ultimate lesson of all this isn’t too hard to glean.

“The angel doesn’t represent vampirism or horror but corruption in any belief system,” he says. “It represents fundamentalism and fanaticism. That’s never gonna go away. You might chase it away from your community for a minute. You might send it off to the sunrise and hope that that corrupting ideology will disappear. But it won’t. And the show could never show the angel die for that reason.”

With that in mind, the angel’s flawed flight pattern isn’t so much Inception’s spinning top but rather a promise that evil will find a way. And then we puny human beings will just have to find a way to stop it all over again. If that’s not Biblical then we don’t know what is.

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All seven episodes of Midnight Mass are available to stream on Netflix now.

The post Midnight Mass Ending Explained appeared first on Den of Geek.

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