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madamtrashbat · 3 years

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Some thoughts on proship and antiship

This is a behemoth. Grab some popcorn.

I’ve found out recently that there’s a weird internet war going on between people labeling themselves proshippers and antishippers and it’s a weird sort of thing to witness because I think I’m officially a fandom old because this shit is insane to me, especially coming up in a world where tags were only to tell you what ship you were going to see and any smut was only warned for with “lemons!!!!” which, like, wooh. We’ve come a long way.

If you’ve paid any attention to my posts in the last couple of weeks (and I hope you do because my vanity demands it) you’ll know that I’ve plonked myself in the proship side of things, if only because this is the way fandom has always been to my experience and anything outside of this is bizarre and foreign and I don’t want it. The puritanical way that antishippers comport themselves is strange, to say the least. I saw Goody Proctor writing kink.

And what I think is going on, at least from what I’ve gathered, is that antis are misunderstanding proshippers as being active proponents of writing certain unseemly things, instead of people who all just collectively looked around and went “that’s none of my business and it’s over there.”

I have been writing fanfiction for almost sixteen years. I have seen it all and done it all. And I have gotta tell ya: I hate this purity culture war. It’s so fucking asinine. No one has ever taken kindly to fandom police ever, so, like, what the fuck.

But it’s more than just people announcing their crusade against pedophiles, incest, and abuse, or whatever flavor of bad they’ve chosen today. It’s that there’s no nuance to anything these people view. And I wanna believe that it’s because they’re young (I swear I don’t see any antis over the age of 22) but I know that a lot of it is just falling for the rhetoric of black and white thinking that gets us into all kinds of messes because nothing in this world is so black and white. No, not even the icky things in fiction.

I’m going to tell you guys something I’ve never said on tumblr before. And some of you may want to unfollow me after I say it. I get it. No hard feelings, no judgment. Here it is: from ages fifteen to seventeen, I cut my fanfiction teeth by writing incest.

I’ll give you a minute to sort yourself out.

Tokio Hotel had just gotten big in America and I was all about it (Jesus Christ I ship RPF too won’t SOMEONE think of the children). Bill and Tom were hot, and I started out writing cutesy self-insert fics that all people write in their early teens, but around age fifteen or so I was starting to get curious about this “twincest” I’d seen people mention. I wanted to write about it, how these two people might go about trying to hide a relationship while dealing with the repercussions of their actions, but I was afraid to. This is incest we were talking about, after all. Bad, dirty, wrong, gross incest. No one in their right mind would ever want to do this. Something had to be wrong with me.

Well, as it turns out, some people knew where I was coming from. I had stumbled into a comparatively small community that welcomed me in and allowed me to write what I wanted to. I started writing that fic (I never did finish it; I’m notorious for that) and I was encouraged along the way to expand my skills and explore my fiction and share and they shared with me what they wrote as well. People of all ages, genders, sexualities, with different life experiences had all come together to write various fictions about twins bangin’. Eventually, I found my niche in basically just using these two people as faceclaims (does anyone even still use that word?) where I plunked them down into different scenarios as unrelated fellows, which allowed me the freedom to do as I pleased. And now I’m here.

I met so many good people in that community, people I’m still friends with now, ten-plus years after leaving. People with families, people who were CSA survivors, people who actually were half of a set of twins, people who’d been raped, who’d been abused, incest survivors, people with mental illness, self-harm scars, suicidal ideation, people who had all kinds of colorful pasts that had all been brought together under this banner of writing fiction about these two German musicians. All of us who understood that what we were writing was fiction and we were just exploring the indomitable need to answer the question “what if?” and would have been appalled if this happened in real life.

Antis will read this and immediately decide I condone incest, and proclaim I’m disgusting and I’m the reason little children are going to be abused by their family members. Just by knowing this one thing about me. And that, right there, is the issue I have with antis.

You don’t know where someone else is coming from, you don’t know why someone is writing this thing, you don’t know who this person is on the other side of the keyboard. They can sit and scream “abusers will use these types of fics to groom people!!!!” but are completely and totally missing the point that abusers will use anything to groom their victims. Weird fanfiction is no more at fault than the Bible is. Shall we cancel the Bible, ban it, because it has stories of incest in it? Because it contains rape? Murder?

Fiction can affect reality, but it is not done in the way they think its done. Because there’s a weird idea that fiction is a 1:1 with reality and it’s not. It’s the “video games cause violence” argument brought back to accuse people of writing things that they don’t like as evil and dangerous. And I am too old for this shit.

There’s no middle ground with antis. You are or you aren’t. You’re part of the problem or you’re part of the solution. There’s only black and white, and if you’re writing the black, you’d better roll out your whole history of abuse and your receipts for a therapist that show you’re allowed to write these things to cope, which, like, Jesus, guys, you can’t just go around demanding to know if someone is a CSA survivor to give them permission to write fic, holy shit?????????? This is a thing now???????

Based on the way antis think, Bryan Konietzko and Michael Dante DiMartino are pedophiles for including romance in Avatar: The Last Airbender. Stephen King encourages underage porn because of the orgy in It. And let’s not even talk about how he condones murder. George RR Martin is a rapist and a proponent of incest because it’s in A Song of Ice and Fire. Eoin Colfer believes in child abuse because he writes about it in his book The Wish List. Do you see where I’m going with this?

To these people, because I’ve written things like incest, or the story I’ve been sitting on for years about teen pregnancy that (oh dear lord) talks about teenagers having the sex with each other, the self-insert fic I wrote at thirteen trying to parse out my attraction to a then 31-year-old Davey Havok, or abuse, or murder, I’m irredeemable and an abuser myself. I would do these things myself if given the chance. They don’t want to know anything else about me. They don’t want to know that I once was physically sick from fear because a family friend hit his wife in front of us and I was so scared. They don’t want to know that I’ve been personally sharpening the guillotine blade for Woody Allen for years. They don’t want to know that an alcoholic I was romantically involved with once tried to kill me. They don’t want to know the struggles I’ve had with mental illness. They don’t want to know that I’ve had to hold the hands of friends who had significant others that would threaten suicide and be emotionally abusive. They don’t want know that I donate to women’s shelters. They don’t want to know that I was part of the group hug that circled around my pseudo-sister when she found out that the boy that had sexually abused her, whom nobody had believed had done anything wrong to her, was finally going to jail for his sex crimes, reveling in her final vindication. That I still deal with the emotional repercussions of my dad taking out his own emotional turmoil on me, my sister, and my mom. That it took me years to forgive my sister for the emotional abuse she subjected me to in the name of hating how weird I was.

They don’t want to know, and moreover, they don’t care. I write bad and scary fiction and therefore I am part of the problem.

The point where we’re at in the world of fanfiction is unthinkable to little thirteen-year-old me’s brain. Things are meticulously tagged with proper warnings and categorized with care because we all went through the dark ages of clicking on a fic and suddenly seeing, like, fisting without knowing what we were getting into.

(My squick is sounding. Ugghghggh, God, it’s so eugh. I don’t even have that part and it makes me so uncomfortable to think about)

All these precautions and safety nets and ways to AVOID seeing anything you don’t want to and it’s still not enough because we in the proship camp are allowing each other to write things we might view as unsavory. Because it’s not for us. Nothing is for us, we just get to go along for the ride.

And because nothing is for us, it’s not any of my business to decide who gets to write what. It’s not my place to say “Laurel over here went ham with the rape fic it’s time to stone her in the square.” Because who the fuck am I???

There are always going to be gross people who misuse this freedom, obviously. Rule 34 has existed for a long time. I was there, Gandalf, for the insurgence of bronies and, just, ugh. But they are the vast minority and the rest of us who write or draw things that are unseemly are just, you know, people. I sell mattresses for a living and I’m on the way to getting an interior design degree and I own a black cat and I’m going to be my sister’s maid of honor. I also occasionally want to partake in media that is unsavory.

It’s why horror is so popular as a genre. Sometimes we want to see just the worst shit imaginable.

This giant pile of crap all boils down to this: I ally myself with the proship camp rather than the antiship camp because I think the antiship camp is wickedly misguided, people who think they are doing good but are actually causing more harm than anyone who is proship ever has. It is not my place, nor is it anyone’s place, to tell other people what they can and cannot do with fiction.

And that’s that.

Feel free to unfollow me if you need to. No hard feelings. I promise. But I hope this means something. We are not proship because we want to harm. We are proship because we’re all fucking weird and it’s not my place or anyone’s place to tell you how to let your weirdness out.

We have the tools at our disposal in a way that our fancestors could have only dreamed of using in order to parse out the perfect fan experience. And antis want to remove all that for the sake of imaginary children.

Absolutely not.

I recommend traipsing through the tag on this blog that does a much better job of parsing all this out because, like, wow, is this deeper than I ever thought it was, but it’s important to know what’s going on.

#long post #don't mind me #just thinking out loud #discourse

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princesstillyenna · 3 years

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tilly gets introspective

So, this one’s a bit of a weird one, and I’d appreciate it if you read my work or interact with me at all, if you’d take the time to read it.

There’s been some rumours floating around that I’m biphobic, and initially, I was like LOLLLL because I identify as bisexual half the time (the other half the time I ID as pan, my identity doesn’t change, just the language I use varies honestly on the age of the person I’m talking to) but then I started to worry, because I’m like, what if you are a smol baby writer, or smol baby reader who wants to interact with me, but you’re worried I’ll hate you cause I’m “biphobic”

SO I just wanted to say real quick, whatever your sexuality is, I love and welcome you in my space (unless you’re going to say “sapiosexual” in which case you and I need to have a chat about linguistics, it’s sapiophillic…). Obviously, I can’t stand here and say “WELL ACTUALLY I’M NOT BIPHOBIC” because erm, that’s not how being accused of bigotry works, I hope I’m not biphobic, and I’m pretty sure I know where the confusion comes from. If you’d like the full story, it follows, so buckle in 😊

I posted a story one time, it’s called “inane and charming”, it’s a rule 63 Patty/TK. Boss. In it, TK and/or Patty express some pretty biphobic ideas. When I initially posted this, I failed to warn for it, this is 100% on me, and I failed there and I’m sorry. When some super helpful commenters pointed it out, I went and did two things, firstly, I put a warning in saying that many readers had found a section of the text biphobic, the second thing I did was actually slightly alter the dialogue so it still contained the essence of “dumb hockey boys don’t really get this shit but are trying to impress each other with how knowledgeable they are” whilst hopefully being less offensive. If you’ve any ideas of how I could have further improved that piece, I’m always open to constructive criticism on the majority of my works and this is definitely a piece where I welcome that.

Here is what I will say however, this was not, and is not, in any way, my opinion. It was the opinion of the characters described, not of the author. I have not ever claimed to be the characters I’m writing as (even when I pseud as Cale, that account is clearly labelled up as a fake pseud, it’s not me it’s “cale”), I frequently have characters voicing opinions that are not my opinions.

So, in short, I don’t always share the opinions of my characters, and I’m asking you to please not assume that because I’ve written a character holding an opinion that I hold that opinion myself – I love writing about dumb hockey boys, and sometimes they get stuff wrong, sometimes they do stuff I don’t agree with, that’s part of the fun of writing.

Hopefully, I’m not biphobic, personally, I don’t believe I am, what I am though, is fallible, I make mistakes, but what I also am, is constantly working to undo the privilege that I, as a white cis-gendered person has been marinaded in. I try to always warn for the opinions and behaviours of my characters, but I do miss shit, so if you think something should have a warning, or could be written differently, please do let me know.

And if you’re worried that I’m not gonna be your friend because of your sexuality or gender identity, NAH MATE, I’m queer AF and whether I love you or not does not depend on your gender identity or sexuality. I love having hockey RPF friends, so please, give me a shout out if you wanna virtually chill :D

Peace out. tilly x

#tilly thinks #tilly writes #fanfiction writer #group chat shit

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onlysmagic · 3 years

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🌌 ——— MEET CORDELIA .

hey hey hey! it's me, honey, back again. i've miss everyone so very much. how have you all been? good, i hope. for the time being, i'll be playing sweet cordy again ( nothing new . . . nothing's changed . . . still the same old cordy! ) but noah could be coming back soon ~* and maybe some new muses *~ ooOOoOOh. as always, hit the heart for a new old friend and i'll im you to get the party started!

cordy’s stats 🌌 cordy’s wanted connections 🌌 cordy’s pinboard

thanks again for an incredibly warm welcome back! i've missed you all terribly!

🌌 — THE STATS .

FULL NAME * . CORDELIA AMI WANTANABE . NICKNAMES * CODY , DELIA , CORDY . AGE * TWENTY-FOUR . DATE OF BIRTH * APRIL 3RD 1996 . STAR SIGN * ARIES . HOME TOWN * NARA , KANSAI , JAPAN . GENDER * CIS FEMALE . SEXUALITY * ( CLOSETED ) BISEXUAL . NATIONALITY * JAPANESE . ETHNICITY * ASIAN . FAMILY * WANTANABE TSUYOSHI ( FATHER , MAINTENANCE WORKER - JAPANESE ) & WANTANABE AMI - FORMERLY ITO ( MOTHER , FLORIST - JAPANESE-CANADIAN ) . OCCUPATION * UNEMPLOYED . PLAYLIST * COMING SOON . QUIRK * STELLARKINESIS , OR THE ABILITY TO CREATE AND / OR MANIPULATE STARS AND USE THEIR STELLAR ENERGY .

🌌 — THE STORY.

ONCE UPON A TIME , IN A FAR-AWAY LAND known as nara , an ordinary girl is born to two parents who love her ( but cannot seem to love themselves. ) they name her cordelia and, from a young age, there was always something a little . . . off about their sweet girl. now, many parents would claim that their child glows & a light seems to follow them wherever they wander, but the wantanabes would be right.

it isn’t until the young girl turns 10 that she realizes that no, not everyone can bend space and time to their own whim. not everyone sees the universe as a malleable thing, able to be crafted in one’s own image should they wish. in fact, she is the only one she knows who can do anything of the sort. okay, her dad has superhuman-like strength ( in that he can help her open bottles and things of that sort ) and her mother is incredibly quick-witted, but neither of them can conjure hot balls of gas and light whenever they wish. cordelia can. it’s her mother’s idea to keep it a secret, out of fear that someone could find the young girl and exile her for being so . . . different. delia doesn’t see the harm in it. what’s the worst that can happen? at that age, all she tended to do was bring a bit of starlight to the light-polluted nara and its surrounding areas. it wasn’t like she was dangerous in her mind, it’s all fun and games . . . until someone gets hurt.

and who should get hurt? why, her beloved parents, of course. a freak accident ( a rush, a blur, not knowing where her powers could take her. ) cordelia was swallowed whole by the guilt of seeing both of her parents in the hospital, doctors whizzing around them while not knowing what in the world had gotten to either of them. they couldn’t for the life of them guess; most thought lightning had something to do with it. if they only knew it was the little girl sitting at each of their bedsides, hot tears streaming down her cheeks.

they both eventually got to go home -- becoming known around nara as the lightning couple, due to the belief that they both were struck by lightning, despite the outlandish odds -- but cordy knew that she wouldn’t be able to go home with them. she would never forgive herself if something worse ( and there wasn’t much worse that could happen to either of them ) so she found hosu and ran, ran, ran. of course, when she arrived safe and sound, she wrote to her parents, but she’s broken inside knowing that, well, it has to be this way. it’s breaking them all, but it has to be this way.

🌌 — WELCOME TO THE ISLE.

THE BROWN-EYED girl shows up on the island shaking. she'd never done anything so brash before, yet, here she was, so many miles away from everything she'd ever known and with nothing to her name . . . nothing other than that stupid quirk she'd been all but cursed with.

stupid stars. stupid light. stupid gas. stupid universe.

. . . so what if she's not exactly eloquent, she's too angry to care. what a wicked way to go, but cordelia figures it's better her than her parents. they do forgive her, eventually, but it takes quite a few conversations that last hours upon hours and some good, old fashion groveling. afraid of growing so close to someone that she can hurt them again, cordelia becomes a master of being seen and not heard; it's easier to not be missed if no one really knows you, after all.

but it's incredibly lonely. living by a rule that an eleven-year-old version of herself created is becoming harder and harder with each passing day, especially when she starts having to lie to mom and dad when they ask about her friends ( cordelia never did like that sad sounding sigh that would always come across the line. ) so she creates these fanciful friends and their fantastic adventures across the isle. they all have their own quirks but they learn to live with them, learn to love them and, by extension, themselves. yeah, it sounds something out of a coming-of-age film that cordelia would probably love . . . but what her parents don't know won't hurt them.

but it'll end up hurting cordelia. karma's been chasing not too far behind with its sight set on her and, one day, it finally gets her. a horrible accident, her mother exclaimed, so much blood and just -- what, what is going on? cordelia's heart was in her throat and she wanted to scream until she broke the sound barrier. she nearly went supernova ( quite literally, too. it took everything in her not to explode right then and there. ) her father was hit by some punk drunk driver and was announced dead on arrival . . . what? why would the universe do such a thing? why would those stupid stars that everyone swore by decide to take such an inherently good person away?

it wasn't fair. cordelia fell into a deep deep depression. the stars didn't shine nearly as brightly as they once did ( there was no one to create new galaxies for anymore. ) every night, she'd watch the stars she'd created for her father, her mother, the old friends she knew in nara, die slow deaths. soon, there would be nothing left in the world with her namesake on it and cordelia, all at once, found that to be a crying shame. call it her father's optimism finally rubbing off on her, or just simply finding it hard to keep lying to her now-widowed mother.

she was going to find some friends . . . anyhow, anyway. if karma, the stars, the government, anything or everything was keeping an eye on her, she’d at least give them a worthwhile show.

🌌 — PERSONALITY TRAITS.

POSITIVE : appropriate, brave, balanced, sugary, polite, organized, practical.

NEGATIVE : co-dependent, stuffy, standoffish, aloof, lethal, anti-social, incapable, dishonest.

LABEL : the doll . . . beautiful but fragile / untouchable.

EASTERN ZODIAC SIGN : THE RAT . . . a clever, quick thinker; successful, but content with living a quiet and peaceful life.

WESTERN ZODIAC SIGN : ARIES / THE RAM . . . a fire sign. a passionate, motivated, and confident leader who builds community with their cheerful disposition and relentless determination. uncomplicated and direct in their approach, they often get frustrated by exhaustive details and unnecessary nuances.

PERSONALITY TYPE : INTJ / THE ARCHITECT . . . highly analytical, creative and logical.

🌌 — THE CONNECTION IDEAS .

AURIGA / THE CHARIOTEER . . . you and cordelia live in the same building. you have the ( un ) fortune of living above her, and in the middle of the night, you awaken to so many odd noises. when you look outside your window, you see her in the middle of the field painting the night sky with thousands of sparkling lights. stars . . . and so many of them! maybe you like them, maybe you ask her to spell out a swear word in the sky, or maybe you just want to sleep.

CASSIOPEIA - THE QUEEN . . . cordelia rubs you the wrong way. that emotionless void of a girl has gotten on your last nerve and you are going to show her. how? you're not sure yet, but she will rue the day she ever crossed you. wait, what do you mean she's not that bad? that's not fair! you're supposed to hate her . . . wait, did you ever?

CYGNUS - THE SWAN . . . you fell for a vision. no, literally, a vision. they say you only dream up faces you've seen in real life, and for some reason, cordelia is that face. maybe she visits you in dreams and messes with your head, or maybe she's that serial killer who runs after you down the never-ending hallway with a knife in her hand and a smile on her face. how do you deal with seeing her . . . all the time?

GEMINI - THE TWINS . . . something happened and you were both in a tough situation, with cordelia being in the tougher of the two. you two strike a deal to help one another, but you tell her that she owes you. whatever she owes you, that's the deal ( please don't be weird about it tho ) and, for as long as you'd like, she can run around and do your errands for you, tell everyone your blunt opinion of them ( she's pretty good at that ) or just have to listen to you sing the entire aladdin soundtrack over and over again at 3 am. your call.

LYRA - THE LYRE . . . cordelia's never been the type to truly understand people. she always thought that it was because she was so sheltered growing up, really choosing to spend her time with her parents and a select friends from school. however, as she's grown up, she's come to learn that she does want to understand people . . . she just can't. not for trying, but she's too blunt, too sardonic, too -- cordelia. which is why she enlists your help. you're the golden child and she'd like a little bit of that sparkle to shine on her, thank you very much.

ORION - THE HUNTER . . . call it fate, destiny, whatever you will -- something brought you and cordelia together for a fun summer romance. however, now that summer’s melted into fall and everything is getting colder, so did your romance. you broke it off in a way that you thought was amicable but cordelia would be quick to disagree with. she doesn’t want you back, per say, but she does wish that she could have had better closure than a single text message . . . then again, she wasn’t exactly an angel in the relationship either. after she drops off one of your hoodies, you find a crumpled up note stuck in the pocket of someone confessing their love for cordelia . . . during your relationship. seriously, it includes your name and everything! do you confront her, or do you try and get the pair together?

URSA MAJOR - THE BIG BEAR . . . she didn’t mean to, honestly !! you just so happened to be hit by that star and, oh god, it’s like the entire ordeal with her parents all over again. only except she doesn’t really know you. every day during your stint in the hospital, you receive a bouquet of beautiful flowers -- maybe they’re your favorites or maybe they’re the type you cannot stand -- with the same note. i’m sorry. you figure it isn’t from anyone you know; it can’t be, can it? on your second-to-last day, the apologetic message is accompanied by an address and a little, scratchy handwritten note asking to meet someone there. against your better judgement you do, but no one is there . . . until you look up in the sky to see an incredible array of different-colored gasses ,you’ve never seen a nebula up close, save for photographs. a tall, black-haired girl walks beside you and begins to explain that she did not mean to hit you with a shooting star. she was simply practicing but her aim isn’t where it needs to be. do you believe this girl, or run as far as you can away from her?

#quirks:intro

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #305

“you want me to be yours, well then you’ve got to be mine, & if you want a good girl, then goodbye”

Do you call the ice cream topping "jimmies" or "sprinkles"? They're "sprinkles" down here. What music are you listening to? Ha, I just turned on music before starting this. "Sex Metal Barbie" by In This Moment is on rn. If you go to school (HS or college) does your school have a rival? N/A Have you been baptized in any religious tradition? Yeah; I was born in a Roman Catholic family. My mom's mom would've probably had a heart attack if us kids weren't. At family gatherings, are you more likely to hang out with the younger or older relatives? I mean, I'd go for those my age or older, generally. I'd hang out with kids though if they wanted me to. Considering you current health, how long do you think you will live? With my CURRENT health, probably not even 80. Do you have anything in your room that would be 'weird' to others? Posters, yeah. Have you ever done geocaching? No, but it'd be cool if my body could actually handle taking a single goddamn step. What was the last game you won? Maybe Uno with my niece? I generally let her win, but occasionally I'm "lucky" to TRY to be more convincing, lol. I think she knows I let her, though. Do you know any deaf people? If so, is it easy or difficult to have conversations with them? No. Do you enjoy playing Monopoly? Why or why not? No, because I don't like board games, especially any that involve math. Is there a doorknocker on your front door? No. Do 'laugh tracks' on TV shows annoy you? They're so normal that I don't even notice them, really. Do people often mistake you for other ethnicities? If so, what do you usually get? No, I'm pretty obviously white. Has anyone famous ever attended your school? Who? I won't say his name for the sake of not connecting dots, but a well-known football player attended my high school. Have you ever had to attend an event that occurred on your birthday? Ha, my 16th birthday landed on the Super Bowl... I was at Jason's that night, and just to be "part of the family," we watched it with everyone else that came over. I was so bored and uninterested, but that's my own fault, really. I could have said something, but this was only a month into our relationship so I was too uncomfortable to speak up. What do you think makes a girl a slut? Do you believe that label is thrown around far more often than it should be? And finally, do you think it's unfair that mostly only women receive that label? I don't give a flying fuck how many people a girl is sexually involved with so long as she is safe and open and honest with her partners. I'm not a fan of the word and don't think anyone should be called it. Do you think it's bad to have sex at 15 or younger? I don't think it's smart, really. It's just too young to risk pregnancy. Yes, abortion is an option, but like... a 15 y/o girl should never be faced with that dilemma. I'ma be real tho, I don't think it's a "good" idea until you're at least 18, aaaand I don't know any non-virgin who waited that long. Just try your best to wait, ig. Favorite love song at the moment? Love songs never sit well with me anymore. I mean I can enjoy them, absolutely, I just... have a lot of bitterness. Trying to pick a favorite when you feel like that is like trying to pick the best-looking rotten apple of the bunch. Ever wondered what it would be like dating the same gender as you? I've done that already, and it was great but also scary in a massively homophobic state. Ever paid for sex? No. During thunderstorms, how does your pet react? Neither have a unique reaction; they're unfazed. What internet browser do you use? Google Chrome. Do you like eggnog? Noooo no no. How often do you see your mother? Every day, because I live with her. Do you like croutons in your salad? No, I really don't like the texture difference. Who did you last play truth or dare with? I don't know. Have you ever brewed your own mead, wine, beer or soda? No. Have you had to make any changes in your life lately? If so, what kind of changes? ugh What's the earliest popular thing you can remember from your childhood? Ummm. I mean, probably like Barney or Elmo? Do you prefer practicality or fashionability when it comes to clothes? Well, really neither. I'm the type that wears tank tops in snow, flipflops year-round, sweatpants in summer... so I don't really dress with practicality. I don't care what's "fashionable," so. Comfort pretty much reigns over my wardrobe. Which kinds of berries grow in the wild where you live? There are these little red ones that grow in little groups and somewhat resemble raspberries. I can't remember if they're edible, though... Oh, and muscadine grapes (I had to look up if they were berries lmao) can be found here, too. They're yummy. Beautyberries are another. Have you ever made an article of clothing yourself? If so, what was it? No. Do you go to arcades? If so, what's your go-to game at one? Even before Covid, I never really went to them. I enjoy them, though. I guess my favorite is maybe air hockey? When's the last time you had an alcoholic beverage? What was it? At the Cheesecake Factory for my birthday. It was some kind of sangria... Maybe strawberry and peach? Idr, but it was good. What has been the most enjoyable job you've had? You assume I've had a job I actually enjoyed. How about the least enjoyable job? Well, I barely lasted two hours in a dairy, soooo... When's the last time you had to carefully plan how you used your time? You're asking the wroooong person, 'cuz my life is never busy enough for that. Who do you usually say hello or good morning to first? My snake Venus, usually. Well, that is if her head is peeking out of her hide or is just fully out. Do you ever chat about your favorite video games with your friends? I don't really have gamer friends anymore, so not really. What do you hope you grow out of? Being so goddamn dependent. What movie made you cry the most? I can't say for sure considering it's easy for movies to make me cry, lmao. Maybe Titanic. What was one of the happiest moments of your childhood? Seeing a container of dog food in the far back behind the Christmas tree one year. It's how I learned I was finally gettinga dog (Teddy). What brings you the most joy in life? Probably my cat lmao. What's a hobby you would like to try out? I wanna get back into video editing, I just. Don't have the motivation for it anymore. As with most things. What sort of a kiss do you count as the first kiss? On the lips and with mutual intention. What was the last event you attended? Thanksgiving dinner at my sister's, ig. How about the last event you organized? Me? Organizing an event? What's the biggest insect you've ever seen? In the wild, probably like... a rhinocerous beetle or something. NO NO WAIT. I remember at least once in my life seeing a fucking GINORMOUS moth on the ground one morning. I don't know what kind it was, but jc it was huge. How about the biggest spider? Oh yikes, I'll never forget this: an orb weaver wandering across the floor of our childhood van and under the passenger's seat. Never saw it again. I was afraid to let my feet stay on the floor for a looong time, haha. What's something you'd never ever dare to ask another person? I'd never ask certain "why" questions, like "why did you get an abortion?" or something like that. I can think of valid situations to ask most things, even controversial matters, but no one should ever have to justify something like that. "Why don't you have kids?" is another. That one gets to me. Having children is not an advancement or milestone in everyone's life, and hell, you never know if the woman's had like five miscarriages or something. What's something you've always wanted to ask someone but haven't dared? Why Mom didn't raise her eldest daughter, at least for her whole life. Katie's childhood is a big mystery to me, and I want to know more, but I know the topic is very upsetting to Mom, so I'm not about to make her explain it. What's the worst/best thing you've done without your parents knowing? Saying "worst/best" makes this question confusing... but I'm guessing you mean the best thing to me that they wouldn't have approved of? I really didn't do a lot of things that would fit that description. I can only think of a certain intimate occasion where things happened where they probably shouldn't have. If you wear earrings, what does your favorite pair look like? Ugh, I don't because of the holes being too stretched out from wearing heavy earrings too long. I still haven't gotten to putting proper gauges in so it looks less stupid. Have you ever won any money from a scratch card? Maybe like, $10 or something. How about a slot machine? I've never played one. Do like playing bingo? Sure, it's all right. What small, everyday thing makes you really happy? Cuddling with my cat. Do you enjoy puzzle games? If so, which one's your favorite? Yeah, I do. I can't really pick a favorite, though... Is there a substance you avoid at all costs? If so, what is it and why? I think in a past survey I mentioned my aversion to beer because of the association it has with my dad. I'd never be able to get a sip down. Not that I really want to anyway though, it stinks. What you would you absolutely hate living next door to? Any really busy location or travel hubs, like a train station. My childhood home was near a railroad track, and it sucked, so I can only imagine a station. What would you love to live next door to? A waterfall, uggghhhh. In the woods too to hear plenty of frogs and toads and crickets... What gives you nostalgia? It is very easy to make me nostalgic. The littlest things can do it. Hearing about/seeing/playing childhood video games, like Spyro, is a biggie. Which reminds me how damn badly I wanna play the Reignited trilogy, fuck. I just don't have the proper console. Which language do you think is the most complicated to learn? Well English is supposedly the hardest objectively, but as a native English speaker, I can't say anything about that. In my experience, Latin was like fucking impossible. Is there a place that you might call your second home? I guess Dad's house, but it's not like I'm there a lot. I feel comfortable there, though. How do you imagine your later life to look like? I DO NOT want to think about this. I fucking dread the thought. What is a job you would never in a million years want to do? A butcher. There is absolutely no motherfucking way I ever could do it, even if it kept me off the streets. What's the weirdest building in your city? *shrug* How do you keep in touch with friends usually? Facebook. Do you recognize friends'/family's vehicles by sound? Not anymore. Dad had an old car that was very easy to recognize with its shitty muffler, but he hasn't had that car in years upon years. I used to be able to recognize Jason's old car too because of sound, but primarily because he drove way too fast down our path that when I heard a car zooming over rocks, I knew it was him. What's something new you've just recently learned? It was actually a topic of recent discussion that I may have high-functioning Asperger's. Very, very unusual to learn later in life, but apparently Mom's seen the warning signs in some things since childhood, like my extreme pickiness with textures, my tendency to knead and play with my hands in situations of discomfort, my social ineptitude, hyperfixations, it actually running in our family (which I didn't know beforehand), among a lot of other things. We're not really digging into it though because it just doesn't matter; there's obviously no magic treatment for autism, and me being in therapy and having a psychiatrist to handle my meds is enough. If you were in Harry Potter, which house would you be in? Apparently I'm on the Hufflepuff/Gryffindor line when I took a survey a long time ago. Are you nagged about being on the computer too much? Not anymore, at least on the average day. Mom's accepted it by now. Dad's joked about it before though and I know others have certain opinions about it. Based on your personality, what animal do you think you'd be? Maybe a deer. Shy, reclusive, and always on alert. Have you ever been in a hot tub? Yeah. What song is stuck in your head at the moment? I have "my boy" by Billie Eilish on right now because it's stuck in my head. What's your father's middle name? John. What's the last movie you saw in theaters? Yikes, good question. I think it was The Lion King remake. Have you ever vandalized? No. What's a pet you've always wanted? Most pets I want I've had at some point or another... I guess I'll say a ferret, though I've really only wanted one in concept. I could never keep up with their maintenance, but by god they are the cutest fucking things ever. Do you like mice? I love mice! What's your favorite t-shirt? My "equal in our bones" Cloak shirt. :''') The design is so beautiful and just my style in general, plus I live to support anything Fischfuck takes part in. Did you/will you get a car for your 16th birthday? I'm 25 and still have never had my own car lmaoooo. What's your favorite tomato variety? I generally don't like tomatoes themselves, but rather products made with them, like ketchup. If I'm in the mood though, I do like tomato sandwiches with mayo and bacon; I only ever enjoyed them though if they were fresh right from an old friend's garden. Which well-known person's death shocked you the most, if any? I think Chester Bennington's was the biggest surprise. Rest easy, you legend. What's the craziest color you'd dye your hair? More like what crazy color WOULDN'T I dye it... What was the longest train ride you've been on? I've never been on one. What's the coolest hobby one of your friends has? uhhhhh idk Have you ever played in a stack of hay bales? No. If you could learn any skill, which would you like to learn? Ha, cooking. How do you like your steak? Medium well.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''my boy'' by billie eilish

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themildestofwriters-ocs · 3 years

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Odd number NSFW questions for Josie?

NSFW WARNING for the below

1. What ways would you label yourself, if any? Are any of those labels ones you’ve struggled with finding or more private than others? If you don’t use specific labels, why?

If we’re talking general labels (sexuality, gender, etc.) Josephine identifies personally as a lesbian, and she’s open about it to everyone in her life. When she’s in a new space, she’s more conservative with that information but once she knows that the place is LGBTQA+ friendly (or at least non-hostile), she’s more free with that information.

If we're talking for labels regarding her sex life, the most she has is “top” and “domme,” though even then she finds it weird to call herself a “domme” aloud in certain situations. These labels, personally, are kinda private in that she doesn’t talk about it with family and she only jokes about it with certain friends because she doesn’t feel comfortable talking about her sex life with some of them.

3, Do any of your senses tend to stimulate/arouse you more easily than others? Are there any specific sensations/stimuli that you’re very sensitive to, and does your partner know/utilize them?

Tactile! Josephine’s very tactile. It’s part of the reason she and Babette can be found constantly hugging, snuggling, and cuddling! Her tactile nature also relates to sex and certain touches and physical sensations do make her very horny. Examples include light scratches, nibbling, faint kissing, massaging etc.

And yes, Babette knows and utilizes it a lot, even for non-sexual encounters.

5. What’s something your partner does subconsciously during foreplay/sex that you really enjoy “unlocking”?

Unfortunately, I’m not really sure how to answer this. One idea could potentially be Babette’s “purring,” but I’m not sure if it fits. The one answer I couldn’t answer.

7, What’s your favourite feature of your partner's body? Do you show it any special attention during foreplay/sex? What about your partner’s favourite features of yours? How do you know?

This is an interesting question because there’s a lot about Babette that Josephine loves. I think I’ll split this question into “muggle” and “supernatural” because it’s a bit unfair to either part

On the muggle end, Josephine’s a thigh girl and Babette’s thighs are no exception. Whether it’s kissing, nibbling, massaging, running her nails across them, she’ll pay special attention to them. And, for Babette, it’s heaven.

For the supernatural aspects of Babette’s body, Josephine particularly likes the wings, not only for their texture and aesthetic, but also because they’re toned as fuck. The tentacles are a close second, but Josephine loves Babette’s wings and will pay particular attention to them, whether it’s grooming or if it’s teasing the wing base (which is sensitive to the touch).

On Babette’s end regarding what she likes... well, I don’t think you’d be able to get an answer out of her for a variety of reasons but Josephine knows it’s either her boobs or butt.

9, Is there something you’ve only ever done with your partner? Why them? Do they know?

Josephine has only ever bottomed with Babette, though she has tried it with other people it has never worked out. With Babette, though, it does because of Babette’s disposition and because of the reason why Babette wants to top. She’s also only ever done anything remotely public with Babette as well, partly because she knows Babette can make the whole thing safer yet still exciting, but mainly because she trusts Babette.

11, How does a typical/recent time with your partner compare to the first time with them? What’s the most important/notable thing about your time together that you’ve learned since then?

Well, for a start, there was less crying involved. Josephine’s first time with Babette was an... overwhelming experience (to say the least) for the latter, but after that, as Babette got used it it all, there weren’t any tears involved.

They’ve also gotten a bit more kinkier. Josephine’s first time with Babette was quite tame and very soft and emotion driven -- and while some of their sex has continued to be tame, soft, and emotion driven, they’ve also gotten into some of the kinkier stuff, along with expanding their dating pool.

As for what she’s learned... sex is more than just an orgasm. It’s not that she believed it was only about an orgasm, but it’s something that she’s more conscious about..

13, What’s your favourite place that you’ve had sex? What about places you’d like to but haven’t yet?

In house: I think Josephine would say... at the desk? It’s a versatile place where it’s Babette tied up under or bent over or laying on top.

In (semi)public: The bathroom of a night club. It’s a nice mix of public and private with a seedy atmosphere that fits the deed. Of course, there is a caveat that the place must be relatively clean (though Babette’s magic can help in that situation).

Of the places Josephine would like to try is under the table at a diner, very secretive like. But honestly the idea terrifies her a bit more than it excites her. So, it’s unlikely to happen any time soon, but perhaps in the future.

15, Your partner’s not around but you’re horny, what do you do about it?

Usually masturbation, tbh.

17, Are there any embarrassing stories or compromising situations you’ve been caught in? Who handled it better? You or your partner?

Of course! There’ve been times when parents have arrived home early or friends have decided upon a surprise visit. Fortunately, they’ve had luck when it comes to semi-public play but that’s because they’re far more aware of their surroundings when do that and Babette’s magic makes it a lot safer for everyone involved.

Josephine herself always handled the situation with more composure because Babette just freezes like a deer in the headlights or makes the situation a bit worse by freaking out in a fit of embarrassment.

19, How do you feel leaving marks on your partner’s body? what about your own? Is it more about “marking/claiming” for others to see or is it more about sensations while the marks are being created?

Josephine adores the idea of marking her partner’s body, specifically Babette. Part of it is her “claiming” her girlfriend. A “this is mine,” type deal. But there’s also a bit of an empowering aspect to it because she’s kinda marking a goddess as “her’s,” and, to her, it’s just aesthetically pleasing. It also makes Babette feel good which is always a plus.

On the receiving end... yeah, she doesn’t mind marking and marking another in turn. Getting marked, to her, is kind of a reminder that someone loves her and her body. It’s validation. But it also feels good, tbh.

21, Conception: how does procreator or the prevention of it factor into your sexual relationship? Are you a parent or do you want to be? If you and your partner can’t conceive, would you explore other avenues? If so, which ones?

This is a complicated (yet also simple) question, to be honest. She doesn’t think about conception and contraception that much, to be honest. However, she does have birth control in the form of a hormonal IUD, specifically for her period. Though, it did become useful a few times when sleeping with a girl who did have the ability to get her pregnant.

As for kids... it was always something she was on the fence about. Her main thoughts were always of adoption (she did not want to get pregnant), but with Babette things were a bit different. Then Babette got pregnant and it was a long couple of months as the two discussed what to do about it and it was eventually decided that it was time. They had the resources for it, they had the maturity for it, and she was actually getting a bit excited about it.

23, What’s a non-sexual act of intimacy that you and your partner engage in?

A lot. Josephine and Babette are both very tactile and they can often be seen hugging, snuggling, kissing, and all that jazz. But outside of the usual suspects, they brush and style one another’s hair, dress each other, shower together, and yeah, you get the picture.

25, What do you typically do after the act (part, cuddle, sleep, talk, clean up, etc.)?

Aftercare is an important aspect but ultimately it depends on a lot of factors. If they’re utterly exhausted, they might clean up then cuddle before sleeping. If they’re not exhausted,

if they leaned heavily into the BDSM aspect of their relationship, aftercare will be a bigger aspect. They’ll clean up first, but during which and afterwards, they’ll talk, reassure their partner that they enjoyed the act, and generally try to make their partner feel better. Some sweets will inevitably make an appearance whether it’s chocolate or lollies, and they’ll end up snuggling on the couch watching TV or something else that is low energy.

#randomestfandoms #oc: josephine williams #work: divine intervention #allaboutocs #my work #my ocs #jumbleduniverse #queerocs #ask #ask game

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takaraphoenix · 4 years

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I'm coming back to ask about your opinions on the politician bc it's an interesting show to say the least and I love your rants about shows lol

Okay so... huh. Where do I start?

The storyline was admittedly rather fascinating to watch. Like a car-crash. It’s just been a... “what could possibly go wrong next?” kind of morbid fascination and it was laid out in quite the interesting way.

And I get it, it’s satire, the characters are purposefully unlikable but... I’m too character-driven a person to really enjoy that. Literally no one aside from Georgina is likable. They’re all despicable human beings for one reason or another, or they’re just plain too weird-not-in-a-good-way to make me attached.

So while I watched it, and saw it through, it didn’t get me hooked. Because characters are what get me hooked.

And at first, I thought the best friend could at least be someone I like, but then they had to make him a cheat, who sleeps with his best friend’s girlfriend and yeah no cheats are scum so bye-bye on that one, sadly enough.

The journey was a really wild ride and incredibly fascinating and even comical at many turns - again, satire and you felt that - but if I’m not invested in the characters who go on that journey, it... doesn’t really stick for me.

Georgina’s character absolutely fascinates me and while also definitely not the best person, I found her story the most interesting and would definitely dive into a show focusing on her.

What I absolutely did not enjoy was the fact that everybody was queer. I don’t like when shows do that, it was one of my bigger problems with T0rchwood too.

You know me, I’m all for rep. I am very loud about needing rep in TV shows; if you’re trying to go all straight I will just straight-up not watch it. But this... isn’t rep for me. This is too strong the opposite of going “all straight” because neither of those are... realistic, are proper. If you just make everybody queer, you’re not really giving rep, you’ve created Why Limit Yourself? - The Series. Because no one identifies by any lable, so it’s not even that it’s pan/bi/queer rep it’s just “everyone’s sexuality is ~fluid~”.

This fake-deep attempt to say “no one is straight! Everyone is a little, or a lot, queer” like that’s the next step of evolution... it... does not sit right with me as a lesbian, because not only does that erase the straights, it also erases the lesbians and the gay men. And it always leaves this invalidating taste in my mouth, because it’s not just making fun of straights by pretending no one is straight. There are also no lesbians and no gay men, you just decided to erase them in favor of everyone swinging all ways and that feels less like genuinely meant representation of LGBT people and more like making a mockery of the community to me.

So yeah, when shows have that kind of Hot Take on rep, it makes me... genuinely uncomfortable to watch because it feels too much like erasure and not sincere, or handled with care. Particularly in a world that pretends to be our world during our time, where people do very much identify with labels - not all the people, sure, but the majority of people - and where sexuality is in fact not an ever fluid thing and people can very much be set in a sexuality. Good proper representation shows all the shades of the rainbow, shows different sexualities, different life-styles, different life-experiences, and doesn’t just comb them all over into “lol everyone is the same”...

What I did find positive rep was a non-binary actor playing a trans character who was just... trans. He just exists. His entire personality and storyline didn’t revolve around him being trans, which... it always somehow does. When a trans character is introduced in a CIS show, them being trans has to be a vital plotpoint that, at best, also serves the CIS protagonist. So I really liked that.

And also that Skye is a non-binary character, because those don’t get much representation at all.

So while I didn’t like the way they handled representation of sexuality, personally I found the gender representations refreshing, at least from my CIS POV.

I don’t know, maybe I am so disappointed in the way they handled sexualities because of Glee, because while... not the most stellar example of... anything, literally anything... I will always be a sucker for the heartfelt coming out plot of Santana and of Kurt and of how their identities as a lesbian and a gay man were validated and important, both to them and to the story. So I suppose I was expecting too much from the minds that brought me Glee.

Which - because I always feel like everything on tumblr needs a disclaimer for the people who will deliberately misunderstand you - does absolutely not mean that no one can enjoy the show’s representation, I know that many people are so frustrated by heteronormativity that to them an all queer show is super refreshing and empowering and great. And yeah, you go, enjoy it, I even get why you’d enjoy that. But it’s just... not something I can bring myself to enjoy because it makes me feel... mocked. And I don’t like that.

#uuuh #so #lemme just #use enough tags #so the show's name #isn't in the first five #because I am #100% not ready #to get shit for this #but also #I exclusively talk about this show only #so it needs to be tagged #The Politician #LGBT Representation #Rainbow Stuff #Phoe's Random Show Rants #Anonymous

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homenum-revelio-hq · 5 years

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Welcome (again) to the Order of the Phoenix, Bee!

You have been accepted for the role of ISLA SELWYN-MACMILLAN, with the requested faceclaim change to Adelaide Kane! We particularly enjoyed the discussion of Isla’s reasoning to join the Order, as well as the conflict with people not trusting her because of who she is. We think she’ll be an excellent addition to the cast!

Please take a look at the new member checklist and send in your account within 24 hours! Thank you for joining the fight against Voldemort!

OUT OF CHARACTER:

NAME: Bee

AGE: 21

TIMEZONE: EST

ACTIVITY LEVEL: I’m a college student, so my activity tends to revolve around my schedule, though I tend to be online at some point every day (unless there’s a big paper to write or a project or a test or something the next day, in which case maybe not… but still probably because I am a disaster). If I had to give it a number? 7.5, 8.

ANYTHING ELSE: OOPS HI LOVELY ADMINS

CHARACTER DETAILS:

NAME: Isla Evelyn Selwyn-MacMillan

AGE: 25

GENDER, PRONOUNS, and SEXUALITY: Cis Female, She/Her, Sexuality was a weird thing for Isla- she was never entirely certain as to how to define it, or what made sense to her. Yeah, sure, guys were good, she guessed. Girls were nice too. Either or, both, sure.. But it was never really important. At least, not the sex part- not to her. She could take it or leave it. Sometimes it was nice, but most of the time she could live without. What she couldn’t live without was some sort of emotional connection. She needed someone to care about, and who cared about her- that was always what mattered most to her. In terms of labeling, she’s probably demisexual and gray ace.

BLOOD STATUS: Pureblood

HOUSE ALUMNI: Gryffindor

ANY CHANGES: I’m 100% okay with Ernie being Archie and Isla’s kid. I actually kind of love how complicated it makes their little, odd family’s life. As for faceclaims,would it be okay if I used Adelaide Kane? If not, Melisa Pamuk is perfect <3

CHARACTER BACKGROUND:

PERSONALITY:

Isla falls into a sort of gray area when it comes to personality. She is a messy conglomeration of the things that she needed to be for her family as well as the things she wanted to be for herself- therefore, it really depends on which Isla you know. She can be vibrant and exuberant, a free spirit who loves to run wild, who loves to do things that make her happy. She can be wildly fierce, especially when it comes to taking care of people and standing up for what she believes in. She can be a whirlwind of passion and fire. She’s warmhearted, treating friends more like family and strangers like friends.

But there’s also the uncertainty of who she’s supposed to be. The feeling of being lost in who she wants to be and who she’s had to become in order to hold on to the people she cares about, to protect the people she cares about, to protect herself. It’s like living a masquerade every day of her life. Pretending and lying, giving up the things that she was so passionate about, it’s deteriorated her spirit a little bit. But the Order has given her a little bit of that fire back. She has a cause to fight- she fights for the person she once was, the person she’s lost. She fights against the stupid, archaic world that the Death Eaters and Voldemort are creating. It helps her hold onto the scraps of herself that she knew. It’s like looking into a crystal ball and seeing who you were, but not seeing any path as to who you’re supposed to be now that the chips are down and you’ve found yourself in your current situation.

BRIEF OVERVIEW OF FAMILY:

Isla has never really known where she fit in with her family. There’s a family portrait that hangs in her family home’s parlor that was done when she was about four. Her mother and father looked like the regal couple they’d always been, standing behind their four children, elegantly dressed, her mother dazzling with the diamond necklace that twinkled upon her neck, her father with a stern sort of half smile underneath his mustache. Her older sister, Maeve, sat on a fainting couch with herself and their little brother, Grant, just in front of them. All three of them in pristine, mint condition. Long, dark curls on Isla and Maeve, half tied up in white bows. Little Grant in a suit, his hair slicked back with what had to be gallons of Sleekeazy’s Hair Potion. Every single detail of the five of them was perfect, to a t. She was sure that somewhere, in the back of her parent’s minds, that’s how they’d hoped their children would stay. Perfect little angels who knew their place, who had cherubic smiles on their faces and soft giggles. As an adult, Isla would find herself staring at the middle child, squirming ever so slightly in her little white dress, her eyes glinting with just a hint of mischief, and want to tell her to run away and never look back.

But then, really, would Isla be Isla?

Isla was a ball of energy that was almost impossible to tame. Of course, she knew when not to overstep her parent’s wishes, but oh Merlin, was it fun to toe just a hair over the line. As a little girl, she wasn’t given much opportunity. She would run wild around the nursery, declaring herself a dragon on any given Tuesday, or the Quidditch World Champion for a weekend. She jumped off beds, had notebooks full of doodles, sang at the top of her lungs- she was absolutely her own person. Willful, too. From about the age of three, there was no getting Isla to do anything that Isla didn’t want to do. She would sit, stubborn as an ox, in the same spot for hours on end. It drove her mother and father absolutely mad- but her aunt had always laughed and remarked that as long as there were Selwyns, there would be willful, headstrong witches in the world.

Hogwarts was the time for freedom that Isla really needed. It was freedom, at least to a point, to explore and experience and learn what she liked, to do what she wanted. Of course, she was never encouraged to do certain things. It was almost an unspoken thing- of course her parents wanted her socializing with students from pureblood families, of course they wanted her in the Frog Choir, of course they wanted her in the Slug Club- these were things that they could brag about to their friends, things that would make their daughter sound like the creme of the crop. It was easy with Isla’s older sister- Maeve had always been the golden girl. But Isla liked to subvert expectations and do what she wanted to do. She loved flying. Soaring above the world in the red and gold of the Gryffindor House Team, a very unladylike beater’s bat in one hand, she felt freer than free. Like she never wanted to touch the ground again. She loved Care of Magical Creatures, her gentler side emerging from the usual ferocity of her spirit. She could speak to the creatures for hours. She’d watch flobberworms, and somehow, not get bored. She hid a niffler in the Gryffindor Girl’s Dormitory for a month because it had hurt itself and she wanted to heal him up (his name was Gregory, and yes, she got found out by McGonagall… Gregory got taken away, and in a rare sighting, Isla cried for hours). She’d make friends with anyone and everyone from any house, even though there were certain friends that she had to tiptoe around, lest naive Grant slip up and tell their parents. Hell, she even snogged a few guys, a few girls, a few neither, and a few both. She had a relationship or two, though nothing romantic ever really lasted. All of this was okay because it fell within the realm of education. It wasn’t the real world- not yet. Her parents didn’t care what she did, so long as she brought no irredeemable shame to them.

Soon after graduation, her mother first used the most dreaded word in all of English: marriage. And thus began Isla’s great attempt to avoid ever talking about getting married. She quickly found a quidditch team that would sign her on, and thankfully her parents indulged her ‘whim’. For five years after Hogwarts, five glorious, beautiful, amazing years, she flew professionally. Isla knew it wasn’t exactly what her parents wanted- she knew the remarks regarding their younger daughter’s occupation that ran in their little circle of pureblood friends. But Isla didn’t care. Until she had to care. Until her parents told her she couldn’t fly anymore, even though she was so close to landing a spot in the big leagues. No. That word came back to haunt her. Marriage. Isla had to get married to some nice pureblooded boy that they approved of- preferably another old name- and have little pureblood babies. It didn’t matter that she wasn’t in love with anyone, it didn’t matter that she didn’t want to get married- it was marry or be cut off. This was the only place that her parent’s held the power, where the line was drawn in flames rather than chalk. They threatened her with stories of Andromeda Tonks, who ran off with a muggleborn and had a kid, who was cut off from the family, burned off the family tree, shunned from all of society. And while Isla didn’t care about the rest of society, she did care about being cut off from her family.

Enter Archie.

Archibald Macmillan, one of Isla’s closest friends in the world, was in a similar conundrum: his parents were demanding a marriage to a nice pureblooded young lady- the catch in his particular situation was that young ladies weren’t exactly his type. Thus, the world’s most perfect plan was hatched: Archibald Macmillan would marry Isla Selwyn. They would be married for the sake of marrying- to placate their parents and the demands for traditional pureblood values and a path for an eventual heir- but have the freedom to be themselves within their own relationship. Freedom within the constraints their families had placed upon them. Thankfully, Archie hadn’t fussed when she asked… or really demanded… she keep her surname as well as take his. She was Isla Selwyn after all. Now she was just a Macmillan too.

It wasn’t until after the wedding that Isla found out why her parents had been so demanding and had threatened to cut her clean off if she hadn’t married. The reason was referred to as You-Know-Who and other darling pseudonyms. He wanted a pureblood society, full of traditional pureblood values. If you defied him and his followers, you often ended up dead. It had been her family’s way of protecting her without really explaining why. That knowledge made her blood boil. She had been so angry with her family, but so afraid that they would cut her off just like Andromeda Tonks had been burned off the Black Family Tree that she caved. But it was this… this slimy, foul, miserable wretch of a wizard who wanted a perfect world for himself to rule over. What You-Know-Who didn’t know was that he had made an enemy on her wedding day, whilst she was saying her ‘I do’s to a man she loved but wasn’t in love with, while her family sat, painted smiles on their face. He had made her choose to clip her wings. And for that, he would pay.

OCCUPATION:

Once upon a time, Isla was going to fly for the rest of her life. She was going to live on her broomstick and make it big one day. Maybe she’d even fly for the Holyhead Harpies. She’d already planned it all out. Unfortunately, Voldemort and, because of their fear of their daughter being hurt or worse, her parents, had more traditional plans for her. So Isla Selwyn MacFusty is a wife. It isn’t an occupation she wanted by any stretch of the imagination- but at least it’s a marriage to Archie, and not one of the arrogant ministry goons her mum would have picked out for her. She supposes that the Order is more of an occupation in the traditional sense- it doesn’t pay (but she doesn’t need money, what with the Selwyn and Macmillan money floating around), but it gives her something to do. She’s also taken on a new occupation- one that she wasn’t certain that she’d ever wanted. Being the mother of Ernie Macmillan was the best job she’s ever had. She’d do anything for her little boy, anything in the world.

ROLE WITHIN THE ORDER/THOUGHTS ABOUT THE ORDERS:

Isla’s fairly certain that most of the Order does not like her because of her last name… or last names. Sometimes it makes her feel like she’s sticking out like a sore thumb- the pureblood girl with the perfect pureblood life, what’s she doing fighting with the underdogs? Isla wishes that there were some way for her to reassure the Order that she’d do just about anything to help, because she doesn’t agree with anything that Voldemort says… the slimey old git. The past is the past, and it should stay there. Archaic and old, let it mold away. Fighting this fight lets her at least try to banish the past way of thinking. Plus, she believes that every good secret organization needs a few good men (or women) who have insight and connections to the enemy. Fortunately, Isla believes herself to be the exact girl for the job, She’s high enough up in pureblood society that people don’t suspect her. While most people in high society know of Isla’s fiery disposition, they believe her to be ‘tamed’ by married life, settling in as a graceful and elegant lady of the house. She can work her family’s circles to pick up intel and feed it back to the Order. Hopefully good information helps turn the tides on the war.

SURVIVAL:

Once upon a time, Isla thought she was invincible. Nothing bad would happen to her- the Death Eaters, while winning, were too dumb in her mind to think that one of the Selwyn girls was working against them. She was certain that they’d think no sweet, demure, little housewife and mother would ever be involved with an organization actively trying to take down Voldemort. Especially not with a surname like Selwyn Macmillan. But the events of October 31st 1981 have rattled the optimistic perspective of Isla. People got hurt. Really hurt. Before the Masquerade, she was fighting by sneaking around, bringing in information that could only be provided by someone in upper crust pureblood society. But the evening of the masquerade was the first time that she could actually die. Be it getting caught in the crossfire trying to save someone, or being caught working for the Order, or simply being in the wrong spot at the wrong time. And if she died, that left Archie and Ernie alone- the two people she’d do anything in the world for. If she got caught, or if she died, that put both of them at risk. Or worse, she got caught, and something happened to them- she’s not so sure if she could handle even thinking about something like that happening.

RELATIONSHIPS:

Archie Macmillan: She loves her husband to the moon and back- just not as one would normally love their husband. Marrying Archie was a no-brainer once the ultimatums began to be thrown around by her parents. He’d always been a close friend, he was someone her parents undoubtedly approved of, and he needed a safe marriage where he could be himself without sneaking around. She thinks the world of him, and she would do anything for him. Of course, the Order has put a bit of a strain on things, but she appreciates him being right by her side. It makes her feel less alone in things.

Andromeda Tonks: Isla can never decide whether or not to be jealous of Andromeda. She was free to live the life that she wanted with whom she wanted, but at the cost of losing her family. Isla is certain that she maintains a large amount of respect for the woman. She might have been the horror story her parents plagued her with, being left without a family or a home, but at least Andromeda didn’t give in to her parents. There’s a piece of Isla that eats at her every day for not fighting for just one more second of her freedom.

James Potter: Isla really cannot stand James Potter, and it’s not even his fault… or it is… it isn’t but it is. James has never had to worry about losing his family for dating who he wanted, for marrying or not marrying- he’s completely free. And even worse, he’s pitied for being in a relationship simply because Lily is a muggleborn. As if Lily Evans wasn’t smarter than ten purebloods combined… at least, in her humble opinion. All of these thoughts have given Isla a sort of prickly disposition whenever she’s around James. She doesn’t hate him, but she doesn’t like what he gets away with all because he’s James Potter and because he’s a bloke.

Emma Vanity: Emma Vanity is like looking into a mirror. A slightly more innocent, naive, little lamb of a mirror, but a mirror. She’s from a pureblood family, one that had wanted her to get married to a nice pureblood boy. And god, the girl almost did get married, and Isla still isn’t sure that that’s what the girl had wanted. She was freed from her betrothal by the untimely death of Mulciber, but Isla knows that that sort of freedom only lasts so long, especially nowadays. Hopefully, with a little bit of her help, Isla can get Emma to truly decide what she wants, and then help the girl with whatever comes next. Merlin knows Isla wishes that she had had someone who would have done that for her.

OOC EXPLORATION:

SHIPS/ANTI-SHIPS: Isla x chemistry. A warning that she will never do anything that would put Archie or her son at risk, any extramarital relationships will likely be secretive.

WHAT PRIVILEGES AND BIASES DOES YOUR CHARACTER HAVE?

Isla has led the glamorous life- she hasn’t had to worry about much of anything, ever. She never had to worry about being bullied or tormented about where she came from, let alone any other reason. Up until her time at Hogwarts, she hadn’t really met a muggleborn, let alone really understand what the muggle world was like- it wasn’t like she didn’t know that muggleborns existed, but they weren’t in the social circles that her parents ran in. So when she got to Hogwarts, she was a little bit too eager to find out things like how they got around or how they got rid of the boggarts in the attic or how they ever got their mail. There were times she was surprised how good at magic a muggleborn friend was, and as she got older, she’d kick herself for ever thinking like that. Having magic, she learned, didn’t mean you had to be good at it. For example, she was awful at transfiguration, whereas other students- muggleborn, halfblood, and pureblood alike- succeeded and even thrived at the art of changing one thing into another.

The only thing in the world she has working against her is Voldemort’s need for his rather archaic pureblood society and it’s ‘traditional’ values. Traditional in the sense that it was her job to be a delicate flower doing household magic and being demure and lovely as opposed to zooming through the air on a broomstick and feeling free. That freedom to be who she wanted to be has given her the tiniest sliver of a glimpse into a world she knows she could never dare to imagine. Ernie, she’s decided, will be raised to respect every wixen of every background. Her son will be better. She won’t let him be another pureblood thinking that he is the center of the universe, and all should bow before him.

WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO? I have never loved a group more, I swear to god. I am here for all the angst and in depth character writing.

PLOT DROP IDEAS: LITERALLY ANYTHING. Y’all have come up with better plot drops than I could ever imagine. But I’d love something that lets Isla really do some recon and bring back whatever information she can to the Order.

ANYTHING ELSE? AAAAAAAAAAH I LOVE YOU ALL

#hp roleplay #hp rp #hp rpg #harry potter rp #harry potter roleplay #homenumaccepted

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dearheart42regenerated · 5 years

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soooo pride month has started. I'm an ace maybe-lesbian who grew up in a very devout religious conservative christian home, and I'm putting this out there because I know a lot of us are low-key dreading pride month rn and I want y’all to be encouraged. I'm also putting this in the ace discourse tag ONLY bc I want to be a countervoice to all the negativity.

exlusionists love to single us out for homophobia, but! it was the ace and aro communities that first helped me begin to unlearn it. it was YOU who got me to lose the first layer of my bigotry. it was YOU who first got me talking to people with all different kinds of identities and helped me take the first step out of my sheltered, very conservative-christian bubble. it was you who accepted me and embraced me in a way I'd never experienced before, who patiently corrected me when I said stupid things, and made me wonder, is this kinda how gay people feel, when people accept them? if I'm not broken, maybe they aren't either. maybe I should try to listen and learn a little more from them. maybe I need to rethink some things.

you were my escape hatch, my window, into a world I never would've had the courage to touch otherwise.

I used to be a BIG homophobe, and I'm talking full-on "homosexuality is a state of sexual brokenness", "reparative therapy can help them find ~healing~" kind of homophobe. a "gay people are incapable of really loving each other, it's all about promiscuity and lust" homophobe. a "love the sinner, hate the sin" homophobe. a "I don't hate gay people, I just don't agree with their lifestyle" homophobe. all through my teens and early twenties, I was completely blind to how hurtful I was being and how many people I was harming.

and then I found the ace community. and that ugliness started to change.

growing up, I'd always thought something was wrong with me because I never felt attraction or "temptation" the way all my friends did, even within my christian bubble. when I discovered the ace label, it was like a puzzle piece clicked into place. and when the community welcomed me, I felt a rush of happiness, relief, belonging and openness to others that I'd never had before. it opened a door in my mind that I didn't know was there. and if you've never grown up in a religious homophobic family, there's no way for me to describe to you what a lifechanging big deal that is.

I've also seen many people accuse and attack our community(s) because they misidentified as ace or aro and later figured out it was just internalized homophobia. they blame us for "confusing people", for overcomplicating or manipulating, for so many problems in their own personal journey that we really...don't have any control over?? and like, I was definitely one of the ones who clung to the ace/aro-spec labels because I was repressing my romantic feelings?

but that was not your fault.

aces and aros never pressured or "pushed" any labels on me, none of you claimed to know what my "real identity" was. you just welcomed me, right where I was at, and you took my labels and confusion and exploration at face value, and that wasn't a bad or manipulative thing. that was you doing your job as a community, and I'm so grateful for it.

because where I was at 5-6 years ago? thinking about the words "bi" or "lesbian" wasn't even an OPTION. for many of us who are raised in religious, conservative families, it's not even something we're capable of thinking about at first. it's too big of a step, too impossible, too unthinkable because we never learned HOW to think about it. some of our closets are so deep that we don’t even know we’re in them.

I feel like a lot of the exclusionists who attack us for this stuff just don’t care about that kind of nuance. they don’t remember or want to admit that people in my situation exist. that our journeys and circumstances don't always follow a single explanation or easy narrative, that gray areas are unavoidable and some of us NEED them.

confusion is not inherently The Worst Thing Ever. it's a very normal part of growing, and I needed a buffer before I could figure out the rest of myself. the extra hoops I jumped through in my journey gave me the time I needed to warm up to other communities, become a better person, and get to a place where I could watch others embrace their love for girls and wonder if maybe that could be me, too. that maybe the intense feelings I had for my best friend weren't totally platonic after all. that maybe the sparkling, overjoyed feeling I had seeing Korra and Asami get together wasn't just me being a Good Ally, or that the weird yearning I felt around a girl in my theatre program as a teen wasn't just an "admiration crush".

this sheltered, ignorant, nervous christian girl needed a space to feel safe with all this new LBGTQ+ stuff I was learning about and unpack my identity in my own time, on my own terms. the ace and aro communities gave me that. and though I haven’t been active in it for a while, I know I wouldn’t be where I am today without you.

so when people single you out for problems that every LBGTQ+ community has - because nobody in any part of the acronym is immune to the heteronormative world we grew up in - try to remember all the good you have done. for every person that blames and attacks you, there's another who is so grateful for you. this ace lesbian is one of them. you changed my life, and so many others, for the better.

your ace and/or aro identity is not inherently homophobic or harmful or repressive, anymore than my maybe-lesbian identity is inherently "terfy". any orientation/gender label can be used as a tool to repress something, any community can have bigots and problems that need to be called out, but that doesn't have to negate the beauty and value in it.

aces and aros of all kinds, all across our spectrums - you are so beautiful and valuable, so full of love and light. especially towards those of us just beginning to question things. you are welcoming, you are kind, you are understanding, you are patient, you were exactly what I needed to become who I am. this month and EVERY month, be proud of that. be proud of who you are, be proud of the long journey you took to figure it out...and might still be figuring out!

be proud. you truly deserve to be, and a few bad apples don’t take away from that.

from the bottom of my heart, thank you for everything. thank you.

(and for what it’s worth, I vote for dragons...that hoard cake.) 😎

#asexuality #ace positivity #aro positivity #ace discourse #lgbtq #anyone trying to start any shit on this post will be blocked on sight #I have zero patience left for that nonsense #I don't like seeing it thrown at my lesbian sisters and I sure as hell don't like it thrown at my ace and aro siblings either

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mentalhealthandlgbt-blog · 5 years

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Notes from the Symposium

I’m so sorry I haven’t been posting much in the past little while! I got caught up in my symposium presentation for the 20% Project and all sorts of school work.

So, for those that don’t really know what “the symposium” is, it’s a part of my 20% project where I create a display board that must include: my project title, my goals, my inspiration for the project, evidence of progress, and the community benefit. Below I have a picture of the board and such from the symposium.

During the symposium, I also had a little box where people could share their advice or experience(s) with mental illness(es) and/or the LGBT+ community. I was honestly surprised at the amount of contributions I received, and I decided I could make a post of all the advice and experiences! For some, I’ll just post the advice people had, and for others I might add a little bit of commentary in reply.

Mental Health

“I don’t really know if I always had anxiety, but I do know that it definitely grew when I reached high school.. I was in an abusive and toxic friendship and realized I have some past traumas from sexual abuse as a kid. It makes me wonder if I was ever ‘normal’ or like other people who don’t have these mental health issues. I also realized I might have a BFRB (Body Focused Repetitive Behavior). I’ve picked at my skin my whole life. What if that has to do with trauma too? The anxiety and skin picking really affect my life and how I act. I can’t even imagine not having these things. But I’m trying my best to be open about them and talk about them instead of bottle them all up. I think I have a good support system but they don’t really know much about me or my past so I can’t be sure.”

To start, I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through abuse. I know sorry doesn’t mean a whole lot, but I don’t know what to say when I haven’t experienced what you have. I looked up BFRBs (https://www.bfrb.org/learn-about-bfrbs), and what you described definitely seems to fit that. I think it’s really awesome that you’re opening up to people, even though I’m sure it can be hard to trust everyone. I hope things will work out well and that you really will have a good support system.

“Stay calm and stay strong. It’s okay to cry or be nervous. Don’t doubt yourself and keep moving forward.”

While this is a bit cliche, I do think it’s important. Sometimes hearing “stay calm” or “keep moving forward” can be quite frustrating, but it’s important to remember that it’s okay to not be okay all the time.

“I used to have an eating disorder 8th - 10th grade, I had and still have very low self-esteem, and always thought/cared of what others thought about me. I wouldn’t be able to focus on school because I had no energy. The times I did eat, I always threw up, and started working out, I would even pass out sometimes. Having a piece of gum was ‘too much.’”

First, I’m glad you were able to get past the eating disorder; I know that can be very hard to do. I also know that low self-esteem can be hard to work past, so try little steps in building self-confidence.

“In my 9 years of diagnosed Major Depression, I’ve learned that people are not always out to get you or make you feel horrible. A lot of people are ready to help and listen, there are many resources available for help as well. I also learned through friends and life that getting rid of things like fake friends or ignoring rude people helps so much as well. Always take time for yourself, never feel that self care is selfish or a burden.”

I like this because I know it can be hard to not be pessimistic about the world and people around you, but surrounding yourself with the right people can create a great support group

“I’ve noticed overcoming anxiety does not mean to run away from what scares you but to breathe and DO YOUR BEST! It gets easier with every challenge (: “

This is definitely an important piece of advice here. Running from problems makes them worse in the long-run, so just do your best to push forward - even if it’s just baby steps. Any amount of improvement is good improvement.

“I struggled with anxiety for the majority of my life, and I didn’t know how to get rid of it. I was insecure about my looks and my weight. And people did not help me overcome them. Little did I know I was hanging around the wrong people. My friends now have helped me to overcome not only my anxiety, but helped me become a better person, and I try to help people who suffered and stressed like I did.”

I’m glad that you figured out that you had bad friends and found good ones, and I’m happy that they’ve been able to help you. It’s also really cool that you’re trying to help people you know are experiencing what you already have.

“Mental health is important to everyone and we all should try to be kind to each other and love each other to make the harshness of life a little easier.”

This is such a wholesome message. It’s important to remember that a lot of people are hiding struggles, so try to be nice to everyone.

“Such a cliche, but ALWAYS check up on your friends! Whether you send a text or call them, even if you’re not on talking terms, do it.”

I agree that you should check up on your friends, yes. However, if you aren’t on talking terms and you suddenly text someone, they might be needing alone time or just might not be ready to talk yet, and it might not go over well.

“Get used to cutting people off whenever they interfere with your mental health. People will come and go (bad people that is), so being able to leave them as soon as a red flag pops up is important. Your mental health is always the first thing to worry about.”

This is definitely important. Being able to recognize and leave bad people is so important in helping yourself and taking care of your mental health.

“I feel like sometimes I live in a mind filled with three different people and I don’t know how to deal with it.”

So, I did a bit of research on this but remember, I’M NOT A DOCTOR. Based on a few sites, this sounds like it could possibly be DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder). Here’s the definition I found on one site: “Dissociative identity disorder. Formerly known as multiple personality disorder, this disorder is characterized by alternating between multiple identities. A person may feel like one or more voices are trying to take control in their head. Often these identities may have unique names, characteristics, mannerisms and voices.” And this is the site that was on: https://www.nami.org/Learn-More/Mental-Health-Conditions/Dissociative-Disorders

LGBT+

“I personally identify as asexual panromantic and just questioning gender. I used to identify as pansexual but obviously changed that. When I identified as pan a few of my friends would make fun of it saying the whole ‘there are only 2 genders’ or ‘I identify as an attack helicopter.’ And that really affected how I felt about myself and definitely created a fear in me when I realized I wasn’t cisgender. I was afraid my friends would have more to make fun of me about. And when I realized I was ace I found so much hate online that I was afraid to say I was in fear of being called ‘special’ or a ‘snowflake.’ I’m not sure I’ve overcome that fear yet but I’m slowly coming out to my friends and explaining my fears to them so hopefully they’ll understand. But then again their opinions on what I am/identify as don’t matter.”

As you probably know, I identify the same way as you do. I never really got backlash, and I’m sorry you had bad experiences with that; people can be so rude and ignorant sometimes. I’m proud that you’re trying to open up to friends, and that you’ve realized people’s opinions don’t matter.

“As a LGBT youth it’s kind of hard coming into your own, but remember this: it’s your life don’t let someone make you live a life that you know doesn’t make you happy. Everyone deserves love and happiness.”

I like this a lot. It can be hard to ignore people’s opinions, especially if you’re around them a lot, but it’s good to remember that no one else should control how you live.

“It’s hard having to come back out as questioning when everybody knows I’m gay. It’s hard to be comfortable with my sexuality.”

I’ve never had to re-come out before, but I really did have a long period of questioning before I really figured things out. It’s important to remember that you don’t have to have things figured out all the time and it’s okay to not have a label, especially if any label is making you uncomfortable.

“I haven’t figured out everything yet, but I learned to take time and learn yourself. Don’t try and rush or put on a label too early. It’s okay to not know.”

This is really important. When I was younger, I really tried to push labels on myself. Eventually, I realized that if I gave myself time, I’d be able to understand myself better. I didn’t know for a while, and that was okay. yeah

“Questioning yourself is how you find the answers to a lot of your unasked or unanswered questions. I asked myself the big-ol’ question of why. Why do I feel differently towards girls? Why are people weird to gay people? Am I gay? Little did I know the answer was yes. And little did I know that it was okay.”

So, I talked about my experience in the previous answer. I can honestly say though that I used to ask myself those same questions a lot. I was confused for a while, especially with my religious upbringing. It took me a while to be okay with my sexuality and identity.

“Don’t ever blame yourself nor your sexuality on why things happen. Things were going to go a certain way with every decision.”

I’m not sure I understand the 2nd part, but it’s definitely important to remember that your sexuality isn’t a choice or consequence of some decision you make. Sometimes it is based on past experiences, but a lot of the time you really are born this way.

“Don’t hide who you really are but love it and show who you are. You’re you and no one can change that. :) “

I love this, it’s so wholesome. Sometimes it can be hard, but always try to remember that it’s okay to be you, no matter what others say.

“Involving yourself with people who support you would be the #1 priority. Living life hidden away isn’t worth it to be losing those years to people who don’t approve. Detaching from family is necessary is abusive mentally and physically.”

This is an important lesson that I took a while to learn. I had a hard time defying/detaching from family, but it really is important if they’re abusive and/or unsupportive.

“I’m not part of the LGBT+ community but I still support it 100%”

“I’m no LGBT but I still believe everyone should be treated equally :) “

These are both so cute. I’m glad to see some allies here.

Both/Miscellaneous

“I’ve struggled a lot with depression and anxiety all my life but always tried to hide it because I felt embarrassed about having issues. I also struggle with my sexuality because I’ve always dated guys but I find girls attractive too. I don’t want to admit that I might be bisexual.”

I don’t think mental illness is something you should be embarrassed, but I understand with all the stigma there is in the world why you would be. I know it’s hard, but try to remember that stigmas are BS, and that you’re an amazing human. As for sexuality, I know how hard it can be to accept. For a bit, when I was first realizing I liked girls, I had such a hard time. I basically called myself “questioning” for long enough that I grew more comfortable with my attraction. If you’re not ready for a label or uncomfortable with one, just say you’re “questioning.”

“Try to stay positive and just know you’re beautiful inside and out.”

Another beautiful wholesome message here. I think this applies to both because it can be hard to see yourself as beautiful when there’s a lot of stigma and hate towards mental illnesses and the LGBT+ community in the world.

“Having a good support system, being able to talk to people about anything that was bothering me. I talked about...”

I’m not sure where this was headed, but it’s definitely good to find yourself a good supports system.

And that’s all of them! I’m so sorry, again, for taking so long. I meant to post this right after the symposium, but it took quite a while to respond to everyone’s notes. As always, contributions, asks, and messages are open, and I will respond!

#mentalhealthandlgbt #symposium #lgbt+ community #mental health

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beccaboosthings · 5 years

Note

1-65 for the odd asks💛

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

Idk if I’m just tired or what, but idk what this means lol

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

Maybe like a 2?

3. The person you would never want to meet?

Trump

4. What is your favorite word?

Idk about it being my favorite but my cousin reminded me that flabbergasted was a word today, so theres that

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

Mapel

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

“wow I look like shit”

7. What shirt are you wearing?

A 2016 Homecoming shirt my mom had to wear because she works at a school

8. What do you label yourself as?

Some weird Bi girl who knows more about fictional worlds then the real one

9. Bright room or dark room?

Dark

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

Watching Netflix wile and trying not to wake up my bff

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

I’m going to have to say maybe age 7? Life was just so much easier

12. Who told you they loved you last?

My gf :)

13. Your worst enemy?

Some bitch I used to be best friends with. I cant stand them

14. What is your current desktop picture?

This

15. Do you like someone?

yes

6. The last song you listened to?

High Hopes by P!ATD

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

Idk lol

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

The person I hate

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

I dont like the concept as an actual “slave” but ya know when you are little and you make your sibling do stuff for you, I would want that

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

My hair. People always complain if their hair is strait or if its curly and they like the other, but my hair does both depending on what i do with it after I wash it

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

I would look like Dan Howell probably, and idk what I would do haha.

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

I dont think I have any

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

Being buried alive

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

Idk, I dont really eat sandwiches, I guess just pb&j, because childhood, ya know?

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

Right now? probably christmas presents

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

London

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

I have no clue haha. Sorry Im boring, I also might be like half asleep right now but shhh

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

Acceptance for all, no matter race, gender, sexuality, ect, everyone is welcome and anyone who disagrees can get the fuck out

29. What is your favorite expletive?

Fuck

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

My phone. It has all of my pictures on it and what not

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

Family drama shit

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

I would move to london, or maybe paris lol

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

As long as she would be 100% healthy, My sister.

34. What was your last dream about?

I’m pretty sure it was my gf

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

Idk what to put lol

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

Yes? I think?

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

I did the other day. It was just a small one but it still counts

38. What is the color of your socks?

White and teal

39. What type of music do you like?

Pop, Pop punk, Rock, basically anything but rap and country

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

Sunsets

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

I dont really like milkshakes lol

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

I dont pay any attention to sports lol

43. Do you have any scars?

Yes, I have more then I can count, i scar EXTREMELY easily

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

Idk. I want to do something that ha to do with art

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

My mental health

46. Are you reliable?

yes

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

does it get better?

48. Do you hold grudges?

nope

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

a bird and a fish. does it have to be in the water? does it fly? who tf knows

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

Me and my dad once had the conversation of would different dog breeds taste different if you were to eat them?

51. Are you a good liar?

Sometimes. If i am strait up lying, not really, but if i am bull shitting my way through i could do it for hours

52. How long could you go without talking?

a few hours maybe. I mean i dont speak when I sleep so maybe 12?

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

I dont think i have had any bad ones

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

I do all the time

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

I can do a british one pretty decently

56. What do you like on your toast?

either butter or peanut butter

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

flowers

58. What would be you dream car?

I like punch buggies so i can go around and see people wack each other haha

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

I just think way too much when i shower, thats why they take me like an hour haha

60. Do you believe in aliens?

Yes

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

Never

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

I have never thought about this before haha. May be A? Idk lol

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

Dragons

64. What do you think about babies?

They are cute as long as they arent crying and i dont have to deal with them

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

Lol

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mas-lina · 6 years

Text

ASK GAME

65 Questions You Aren't Used To

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? - sometimes i wonder if the people i like from afar are just a figment of my imagination since i have never met them in real life.

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? - i’d say about 2 since i’m only scared occasionally if i have watched something creepy and my mind is running wild.

3. The person you would never want to meet? - does hitler count? aside from him and all the dictators that have ruined the world i’d say all the people i knew in high school and about everyone in my old town.

4. What is your favorite word? - i used to say it’s “bitch” just for the laughs of it but it’s actually “patootie” because it sounds cute and idiotic at the same time and i remember reading it in a shakespeare poem once and laughing like crazy.

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? - i guess i’d be a baobab tree because it’s sturdy and it sounds like my nickname “baba”.

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? - “seriously why are the bags under my eyes so dark and big?”

7. What shirt are you wearing? - a simple black shirt.

8. What do you label yourself as? - if it’s in regards to sexuality i’m a bisexual and if it’s everything else i’m a curious idiot.

9. Bright room or dark room? - dark room.

10. What were you doing at midnight last night? - sitting on my laptop watching “100 days my prince”.

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? - i don’t think i’ve reached my favourite age yet but if i have to pick one i’d say about 19 because i went to live with my best friend and started a new life away from everyone else so in a way i became independent.

12. Who told you they loved you last? - i guess my mom although i don’t remember when.

13. Your worst enemy? - my laziness and lack of will.

14. What is your current desktop picture? - monsta x’s minhyuk <3

15. Do you like someone? - in real life i have no romantic interest.

16. The last song you listened to? - dreamcatcher - wonderland

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? - myself so i can see how it feels.

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? - sometimes my family members drive me up the wall to a point where i’d think about punching them in the face.

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? - bill gates and he’d have to buy me whatever i want.

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional) - if i have to pick something it would be my eyes because they’re the most distinctive feature i have.

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do? - i’d be a huge buff macho man just to see how it feels and i’d probably just ogle myself in the mirror and walk around to see how people react to me.

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? - i can make my fingers look like claws and move them in a weird snappish way.

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? - bacteria.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. - butter on french toast.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? - on monsta x merchandise and food ^^

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? - seoul, south korea.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? - everyone is created equal so there shall be no discrimination regarding race, religion, gender or sexuality.

29. What is your favorite expletive? - motherfucker.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? - watching my pet getting sick knowing she’d eventually die and being unable to help.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! - kanazawa, japan.

34. What was your last dream about? - falling down a flight of stairs.

35. Are you a good dancer? - i’d say decent but i could be better with practice.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? - thankfully no.

37. Have you ever built a snowman? - many times but never in the design i wanted to.

38. What is the color of your socks? - orange.

39. What type of music do you like? - i like all music but usually i would always gravitate towards rhythm and blues, jazz or classical.

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? -sunsets.

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? - i don’t drink milkshakes but i’d probably enjoy strawberry ones.

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer) - liverpool football club and i’m suffering every day for it.

43. Do you have any scars? - a big one on my knee from when i fell as a child and nearly busted my kneecap.

44. What do you want to be when you graduate? - a boss....kidding :D a writer or researcher.

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? - the way i look and my attitude towards people demeaning and disrespecting me.

46. Are you reliable? - i really wish i could say i was but i’d have to say no.

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? - do we still live with the mentality of a 15 year-old or have we grown?

48. Do you hold grudges? - most of the time no but on special occasions i can grow to be vengeful towards someone i dislike.

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? - a penguin with a bird so it will be able to fly.

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? - every conversation i have with my grandmother and all the “advice” she gives me.

51. Are you a good liar? - yes.

52. How long could you go without talking? - i think i’d be able to go about a week if i really put myself to it but i enjoy talking to myself so it might be more difficult than anticipated.

53. What has been you worst haircut/style? - a waffle one where they burnt my hair from the roots just so i could look like a member of a 90s girl group.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake? - the only time i have baked a cake was when my best friend got sick and i wanted to give her something special to cheer her up.

55. Can you do any accents other than your own? - i’m pretty good at an american and a british one. i could even do a bit of scottish and irish if i prictice.

56. What do you like on your toast? - butter.

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? - the sun and it looked like a puddle with some rays coming out of it.

58. What would be you dream car? - a smart or a mini cooper.

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. - i do sing in the shower and sometimes i start contemplating my life.

60. Do you believe in aliens? - i believe we can’t be alone in the whole universe but i don’t believe in the made up ufo sightings nor the green little men.

61. Do you often read your horoscope? - i don’t believe in the horoscope nor the zodiac except when i’m looking for a laugh.

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? - my own letter which in english would be B.

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? - dragons are the coolest <3

64. What do you think about babies? - i love and adore babies <3 they are perfect little stupid angels and should be protected at all costs.

65. Who's your favourite classical composer? - beethoven and mozart are untouchable and immortal but if i have to give a less cliche answer besides them i would say claude debussy, rachmaninoff, chopin and johann strauss II. i could go on but i will get boring.

66. A bonus question from me because I'm curious - If you could teleport to one place on this planet right at this moment which would it be and why? - northern canada so i can see the aurora borealis which is at its peak during october, november and december.

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crimsonrevolt · 6 years

Photo

Congratulations Paige you’ve been accepted to Crimson Revolt as Augustus Rookwood.

↳ please refer to our character checklist

Welcome back Paige! To hear from you was such a pleasant surprise and to have you back is even better! We never know what Augustus is going to do and that’s what makes him so great! He’s complex and interesting and we’re ready to have him back on the dash!

application beneath the cut

OUT OF CHARACTER

INTRODUCTION

Paige, 25, she/her, EST. I’m from Tennessee in the United States!

ACTIVITY

I’m currently having to share a laptop with my mom, and Chronic Fatigue keeps me pretty dead for most of the day, but I plan to get online at least once daily to reply to anything I owe. So 5/10 maybe? I mean, I’m ALWAYS available via chat though, to plot or just talk.

HOW DID YOU FIND US?

Originally, Alexis, your former (original?) Rabastan. Then I was here for months, left, returned for a year, left, and I’m baaaaaaaaack! Lol You know I can’t stay away from my trash son.

WHAT HARRY POTTER CHARACTER DO YOU IDENTIFY WITH MOST?

In the past, I said Hermione without hesitation. I was always the one who felt a bit left out when new to a school, the one who lived to make teachers happy, and was a little too weird to make friends on my own without an intervening force. However, now I would say Minerva. In my friend group, I tend to be “mom”. I use logic and my mediating skills to make sure everyone stays out of too much trouble, work on guiding them through tough situations, and I always offer snacks when someone is upset. Also, cats are my life, and if I could become one, I would. Though even with the benefit of magic, the process would be incredibly complicated and I’m super lazy.

ANYTHING ELSE?

Nope!

IN CHARACTER

DESIRED CHARACTER

Augustus Rookwood.

Middle name: Xavier.

Name’s full meaning: Majestic, splendid, bird/forest

FACE CLAIM

Daniel Sharman

REASON FOR CHOSEN CHARACTER

What I put in my first apps: I’ve always been drawn to the darker characters. Especially the ones who appear very controlled when in the public eye, and then “let loose” when they’re behind closed doors. Then there was mention of his family basically putting him on a pedestal. I’ve always loved (and had a muse for) characters that have a little too much responsibility put on their shoulders by their parents, and then begin to crack under the pressure in highly destructive ways.

Augustus seems like the type of person who originally started out trying to be the best son he could be. Who nodded and smiled at his parents’ plans for his future, worked his hardest in school, and then one day realized there was someone out there (The Dark Lord) to whom he could devote himself, and not have to be so perfect and “good”.

Which is why he will last in this war. No one suspects the “good little quiet boy” who kept his nose in his books, and his potentially deadly spells to himself. Not even the Dark Lord wanted him at first. Not until Augustus showed him exactly what he was capable of, behind a locked door, when everyone else was out trying to make as much noise for their cause as possible.

Now that he has an excuse to use the dark skills he’s kept to himself for years, Augustus kills when asked to and tortures just for the fun of it. However, he draws the line at children, and will convince another member of the group to kill/torture them when sent to “take care of” an entire family. He can’t exactly explain why he’s protective of children, or why that mindset changes as soon as they’ve reached an age when they can defend themselves. Perhaps it’s just too easy, and he likes a challenge.

Now that I’ve actually played him: He evolved over time and his ability to suppress his emotions slipped drastically depending on who he was with. There were far more bad influences than good ones, and soon, a few too many people knew his secrets and he was caught. Since then, he has retreated back into himself as much, if not more than before, and mainly focuses on his job and making the Dark Lord proud. And God, he feels like screaming every minute of every day. As the climax of the war draws nearer, situations become more and more tense. The whispers behind his back make his skin crawl, and although he knows he will be protected if he lashes out, he swallows his curses like acid. He was betrayed once, and won’t let it happen again.

PREFERRED SHIPS // CHARACTER SEXUALITY // GENDER & PRONOUNS

Preferred ships? Augustus/everyone, to be honest. Augustus will have sex with anyone. Long time friends, people he wants to manipulate, strangers, whatever. Sex isn’t tied to emotion for him. It is purely the pursuit of pleasure. Hell, he would probably have sex with the Dark Lord without even being commanded to do so. Because yolo? But romance is an entirely different animal. It requires trust and emotional connection and way too much of oneself. Therefore, Augustus has only felt such a connection once, and he’s not sure he wants to repeat it. However, he could easily be in a relationship or marriage with someone out of convenience or friendship. Though no monogamy or cute stuff unless pretending for the public. He thinks it would be selfish to tie someone down like that if he can’t offer them what they need emotionally.

Overall, Augustus identifies as an aromantic pansexual (though those labels aren’t exactly a thing in the 70s/80s), as a cis male (he/him/his). There has been some gender experimentation with polyjuice potion, but that was purely for fun.

CREATE ONE (OR MORE!) OF THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR CHARACTER:

Patronus: Lynx. (Lore states that the secretive lynx represents controlled power, individualism, and sharp-sightedness. Lynx people are generally exceedingly observant, quiet, intelligent, and curious. Though their independent nature can strike some as aloof, they are often excellent guides and steadfast friends.) Boggart: Someone outing him for what he’s done. Such as, a member of the Wizengamot reading a list of his crimes. Wand: Hazel (Wandlore states that “A sensitive wand, hazel often reflects its owner’s emotional state, and works best for a master who understands and can manage their own feelings.”), 10 inches, Dragon heartstring core, Unyielding.

Blog: http://avgvstvs.tumblr.com

LINK TO VISUAL AESTHETIC

Brief playlist: “Choke” - I Don’t Know How But They Found Me, “Strangers” - Halsey (ft. Lauren Jauregui), “Run” - AWOLNATION, “The Last One” - Black Veil Brides

Aesthetic: On one hand, he’s a smoking gun, hands dripping with blood, wet leather after a surprise storm, teeth on pale skin, the way a bottle of alcohol holds the scent when empty, skin rubbed against a rough brick wall, and sins in hallowed places. But then he’s also the smell of old books, chalk covered hands from solving impossible problems, secrets whispered to empty rooms, lies screamed into crowded places, nails digging into palms, tantrums behind locked doors, cold chains, hot coffee, lightning and hurricanes. But then as an Unspeakable, there’s all this mystery surrounding his job, and the strict rules he must follow. So order and perfection. But as a Death Eater, there’s all this chaos and mess. Augustus in school was far different. Sweaters with sleeves a little too long, glasses to read that kept slipping off, smudged parchment, top marks hidden from fellow students, praise from teachers sounding too much like the praise from his parents, the death of a sibling and the expectation to immediately get over it, sitting in windows and watching the world move too fast. Everything was perfectly imperfect, and he did everything he could to grasp and absorb the chaos around him, and hold it tight.

IN CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE

The following section should be looked at like a survey for your character. Answer them in character and feel free to use gifs. Or, if you’d rather, answer them in third person or OOC without gifs. Answers do not have to be extremely lengthy.

♔ If you were able to invent one spell, potion, or charm, what would it do, what would you use it for or how would you use it? Feel free to name it: “I would not invent my own. I would simply rework the pre-existing Obliviate and make it much more permanent and impossible to reverse. The incantation would be obliviscaris in perpetuum (forget forever) and it would be invaluable for those who wish to use it on victims, or for those who have something traumatic or highly sensitive in their past that they’d rather forget..”

♔ You have to venture deep into the Forbidden Forest one night. Pick one other character and one object (muggle or magical), besides your wand, that you’d want with you: “I would choose to take the Dark Lord with me, obviously, despite him never being one to follow someone else. His powers surpass anything the forest could throw at us. Also, I would bring a time-turner with me, due to its ability to help me return to any moment before I run into trouble, and allow me to take a different path.”

♔ What kinds of decisions are the most difficult for you to make? “Those that require me to go against my deceitful nature and be completely honest with people. Like, a decision that if I am being truthful, would end my carefully constructed public image.”

♔ What is one thing you would never want said about you? “I would never want someone accusing me of something, whether I did the deed or not. How I spend my time is an entirely private matter, and I would rather not have others prying into my life, no matter what they believe I have done.”

REACTION TO LAST EVENT DROP

While Augustus is glad that the Ministry is fully within the clutches of the Dark Lord’s side, he disagrees with the eradication of non-purebloods. He has never been a blood purest due to his childhood as an outcast and the discovery that those with colorful family trees tend to be the kindest. And after his time spent in America surrounded by Muggles, Augustus doesn’t really give a shit who your parents are. He plans to do almost everything he can to avoid a total genocide. Sure, murder and mayhem are fun, but one must draw a line at the slaughter of friends. Perhaps. While he has no plans to actively work against his fellow Death Eaters, he will not turn down direct orders. And for now, his orders are to stay focused on his work in the Department Of Mysteries. He has a plan for The Dark Lord that only someone who works in the Love Chamber can properly research.

WRITING SAMPLE

Augustus hadn’t been in this to make friends. Since childhood he’d fully accepted that he was born to be a loner. Besides, everyone else just got in his way. But as he sat, with cold metal chains wrapped around his wrists and ankles, clinking every time he tried (and failed) to find a more comfortable position, he felt truly and utterly alone. For the first time in his life, he began wishing there was someone by his side. Anyone, really. Just another warm body to deflect some of the angry, betrayed looks coming from the seats in which sat the Wizengamot and others. At that point, he would have even accepted a few of his least favorite acquaintances.

Unfortunately, everyone he knew was either dead, in Azkaban, or in the audience, watching with bated breath. This trial was one that had brought out spectators from every department of the Ministry. NO ONE had suspected the quiet wizard who went directly to and from the Department Of Mysteries every day, never making enemies or even standing out very much. He’d played his role perfectly. Even now, he kept his true self behind a facade, acting the part of the wrongly accused. Because he truly intended to leave the trial a free man. What good was the word of Karkaroff against his? The headmaster of a foreign school known to breed dark wizards, against a ‘friend’ of many at the Ministry? He’d spent countless hours cultivating false relationships with these people, earning their trust, and then gathering secrets. And until his name was spat by Karkaroff, it hadn’t so much as flashed through people’s minds. Not since he was pardoned all those years ago after his interrogation at the hands of Aversio.

The questions were easily answered with lies, and he even asked some of his own. “Where were you on the night of (…)?” “Where was I? Where were your Aurors? How could you let this happen?” “Who else answers to He Who Must Not Be Named?” “Clearly you’re bringing anyone in these days. If I pointed at any of you, would you put them on trial too?” Until the lies weren’t enough to get him released, and a vial of Veritaserum was brought out.

Rookwood started to sweat in that moment. His breath became ragged and his hands began to violently shake. If he was being honest with himself, he would have realized that it was sheer terror he was experiencing. As the potion was carried across the room and uncorked, he’d half expected someone to burst into the room and save him. The other part of him knew his entire life was about to change for the worse. Even as the liquid was forced into his mouth, possible scenarios of escape danced through his mind. If only the chains were slightly loose. Maybe one of his fellow Death Eaters sat amongst the crowd. Yaxley? Cassius? Dolores? Perhaps someone would have a sudden change of heart and remember how impossible it seemed for him to be a part of this. But alas, the chains were magic, all of his comrades had already been captured or killed, and after the trial of Barty Crouch Jr., no one trusted even the least suspicious person.

And then words were spilling past his lips, almost too fast, with the sting of Veritaserum still on his tongue. When asked about his dealings with the Death Eaters, he held nothing back, despite the deep ache within his very soul that got stronger with each new thing he revealed. Both the Wizengamot and the audience gasped as he told details of the lives he’d destroyed. How he’d stalked several entire families before torturing and killing them. The bodies he’d left in alleyways. The memories he’d stolen from those he’d left bloody and beaten. The way it made him feel when people begged. He told them it was an almost sexual satisfaction, and the Veritaserum-induced smirk that went along with his words must have been the final nail in his coffin, because the trial ended swiftly after that.

Augustus was forced to watch as his beloved wand was snapped in half in front of him, and he was immediately taken to a cold, damp room where an elderly wizard stripped him of his fine, embroidered robes and a pair of striped, dirty ones were shoved into his hands. He would be taking a portkey to Azkaban directly from that room, without a chance to say goodbye to anyone. Not that he cared very much for anyone in his life, especially those not currently residing in the prison he was destined for, but it was all very sudden. Like a flower being plucked from a vast garden and shoved into a dusty old vase, just waiting to die.

And in this little vase of his, he was alone.

#accepted app #hp rp #lsrpg #skeleton rp

2 notes · View notes

dirtycreekwater · 7 years

Note

Can you do the first time Virgil was ever little? Like, how would the other react and stuff. You don't have to do this one if your not comfortable.

-Logan and Roman baby Virgil a lot, and he’s always pretended to hate it. but in actuality it makes him feel safe, and despite it being a little scary he likes being vulnerable around them.

-One day Virgil’s sick yet again so Logan is taking care of him like he always does. he checked Virgil’s temperature, and gave him medicine & water like usual. but now he’s reading him fairy tales while he sits in his lap, and suddenly he feels weird. suddenly he realizes he’s always felt this weirdness. he feels butterflies in his stomach, but they’re the good kind. he feels shyer than usual. he has trouble expressing what he wants or needs to Logan. he feels really small, and vulnerable, and all he wants to do is curl up to Logan, and be coddled while he listens to his soft voice tell more stories of magic & adventure or while he watches childish cartoons. why is he just now noticing how weird all of that is? he figures there has to be a reason for these weird feelings. Logan says there’s a logical reason for everything.

-So once he gets better, and Logan finally lays off him a bit he tells the others he has a lot of school work to do so they shouldn’t bother him, and then he locks himself in their bedroom. he gets his laptop, and starts googling how he’s feeling. he’s shocked at what comes up. little space? littles? people that.. regress to a younger state of mind to.. cope? that couldn’t be what he’s experiencing. he doesn’t… suddenly his own and Roman’s words are repeating in his head, “You treat me like a child.” - “Well, to be fair, you do act like one sometimes.” okay, so maybe he does act like a child sometimes. maybe he does… feel.. like a child sometimes. maybe that weirdness he feels when Logan, and Roman, and occasionally Patton baby him is.. little space. maybe he’s a little. and maybe he actually likes that. “Fuck.” is all Virgil can think at this point. how is he going to tell the others? judging from what he’s found littles aren’t exactly accepted in mainstream society. although age regression in general seems to be a technique some therapists use.. maybe Logan will understand.. but if Logan is the only one that understands.. that would mean the other two probably wouldn’t accept him, and well, that would hurt a lot. maybe he’ll just keep this a secret. he’s already babied a lot so it’s not like he’ll be missing out on anything. although.. the thought of using pacifiers was.. intriguing. maybe he could secretly get one, and hide it from the others. maybe this will just be his little ((no pun intended)) secret, and maybe he’ll be okay.

-The next couple days, after his discovery, Virgil was definitely not okay. he was grumpy, sad, and distant. the others had barely heard a word out of him, and it was concerning. they had to find out what was wrong so they all sat him down in the living room. Logan was the first to speak, “Virgil. We’ve noticed that you’ve been particularly, for lack of a better word, grumpy lately. Is everything okay, love?” Virgil froze. he couldn’t have this conversation. he couldn’t let his secret slip out. “Virgil?” Virgil looked up at Logan, and frowned. tears threatened to spill from his eyes, and of course the three noticed. Roman frowned, and opened his arms. Virgil reluctantly crawled into his lap, and cried into his shoulder. Logan and Patton immediately sat on either side of Roman, and rubbed Virgil’s back. Roman spoke up, “Pray tell, my love. What is troubling you? I wish to defeat it.” Virgil mumbled into Roman’s shoulder, “This isn’t something you can defeat, Princey.” Roman frowned at this, and looked to Logan for help. Logan spoke hesitantly, “If it isn’t something we can “defeat” then is it something we can at least make better?“ Patton interjected, “If it is something we can make better please tell us, kiddo. I hate seeing you like this. I wanna help.” Virgil let out a shaky breath then looked up at all of them. “If.. If I tell you guys.. You have to promise not to.. judge me or laugh.. I-I mean I know you guys are really open minded, and I trust you all a lot.. It’s just.. not a very accepted thing..” Logan frowned, and said, “Virgil, if you are questioning your gender, or sexual and/or romantic orien-” Virgil quickly cut him off, “No, no. It’s nothing like that.” Roman said, “Love, you can tell us anything. We won’t judge or laugh. We’ll let you explain everything, and as long as it isn’t harmful we will accept it. Just take a deep breath, and let it all out when you’re ready.” Virgil slid off Roman’s lap to sit in between him, and Logan so he could look at all of them better then took a few deep breaths. Once he felt calm enough he said, “Um.. I, uhh.. I’m….Fuck it. Like a bandaid. I’m a little. There. I said it.” the others were silent for a moment, and in that moment Virgil was thinking the worst. it was evident on his face so Patton spoke up, “A.. little? I’m not judging, kiddo. I’m just confused. What’s a little?” Virgil groaned, and leaned back against the couch. he really didn’t want to explain it. he was hoping they already knew somehow. just as he was about to answer Patton’s question Logan spoke up, “In this context the colloquial term "little” is used to describe a person who uses age regression to cope with the stresses of life.“ Virgil sighed in relief. "Thank god I didn’t have to explain that. Wait, so you don’t think it’s.. weird?” Logan smiled, and said, “Not at all. If a coping mechanism isn’t harmful to your health then it should never be frowned upon.” Virgil grinned at him, but quickly frowned when he realized the other two hadn’t said anything about it yet. he turned to see Roman and Patton’s confused & curious faces, and said, “Well.. What do you two think?” Patton grinned, and said, “I think it’s awesome, kiddo! It’s really comforting knowing you have a healthy coping thing, and I bet you’re adorable when you’re little!” Virgil blushed a bit, and smiled at Patton then looked up at Roman. Roman smiled and said, “I don’t fully understand what it means yet, but I’m willing to learn. Can you tell me more?” Virgil grinned, and told them everything they wanted and needed to know.

-After Virgil confessed he forced himself to stay out of little space. the others were perfectly fine with him being little, and were doing their best to learn more so really he shouldn’t be so anxious, but anxiety is cruel. he was already vulnerable around them a lot, but now that he slapped a label onto that vulnerability it felt weird. he felt ashamed. he didn’t want to admit to the others that he needed to be little for a while. he was worried about it being awkward. new things were always awkward. especially for him. so, he avoided it as much as he could. until he couldn’t anymore. Roman was worried, and had enough of Virgil avoiding the subject. so, Roman brought Virgil to their bedroom, where Logan was waiting, and made him sit with them. Roman was the first to speak up, “Virgil, why have you been changing the subject every time we’ve brought up you being little? We need to get used to it, love.” Virgil ignored him, and glared at the blankets so Logan tried, “Are you worried about being in little space around us now that we all know that is what it is? Because you shouldn’t be. My previous statement implied that you have already been in little space around us plenty of times. You just didn’t know that’s what it was. It’s okay that it has a label now. We’re not going to feel any differently about you. We aren’t going to feel uncomfortable so you shouldn’t either. We love you, and want to take care of you. Please let us.” Virgil looked up at them, and Roman said, “Logan speaks the truth, my love. We are very much okay with you being a little. You never have to worry about us feeling weird about it.” Virgil sighed, and said, “I know… I just feel really awkward. I don’t know how to fall into a little state of mind around you guys on my own. I usually force myself into it when I’m alone, and when I’m in it around you guys it’s because you were already babying me.. So, I dunno I just.. I can’t really do it. I need help.” instead of replying Logan walked over to their closet, and pulled something off the shelf. he then walked back over, and handed the item to Virgil. it was his black bear cub plushy. Virgil blushed as he reluctantly took the plushy from Logan’s hands, and held it close. Logan sat back down on the bed, and said, “We will do our best to help you, baby.” Virgil smiled a bit, and made grabby hands for Logan. Logan grinned, and pulled Virgil into his lap. Roman smiled at them then stood up, and asked, “Do you want to watch cartoons, love?” Virgil looked up at Roman, and asked, “Disney?” his voice was small, and soft. a sure sign he was slipping. Roman smiled, and said, “Of course. I could never say no to you, or Disney.” Virgil rolled his eyes as he giggled. Roman asked, “Which one do you want to watch first, baby?” Virgil thought for a moment then said, “Peter Pan.” Roman smirked, and said, “You mean the one where the characters try to stay children forever? Appropriate choice, little one.” which earned him a death glare. Roman just laughed, and went to put the DVD in. Virgil pouted up at Logan, and whined, “Loooo, Roman’s being mean to me.” Logan chuckled, and said, “Yes, princes tend to be quite rude. We’ll have to ignore him until he learns to be nice.” Roman yelled, “Hey!” making Virgil & Logan laugh then said, “I resent that.” as he walked back over, and sat down. Virgil playfully stuck his tongue out at Roman earning him his own death glare. Virgil giggled making Roman’s expression soften. Roman sighed, and said, “You’re lucky you’re cute, brat.” Virgil rolled his eyes, and said, “Yeah, yeah. Now, shut up, and cuddle us.” Roman chuckled, and lifted his arm up. Logan, while still holding onto Virgil, leaned into Roman letting him wrap his arm around him. Virgil sighed contentedly, and snuggled up to Logan more. Both Logan & Roman looked down at him then smiled at each other. it was their silent way of saying that Virgil wasn’t fully comfortable yet, but he was making progress, and for that they were happy.

((so this is shit, but i promise ill go into more detail with Virgil’s little space in other headcanons. also i kinda sorta hate the way i format my headcanons/drabbles, but i feel like it’s too late to change it. do you guys like it? is it easy to read? or would you rather i change it up? idk im scared of changing things, but i will if i need to))

#sanders sides #polyamsanders #logince #analogical #prinxiety #virgil sanders #logan sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #olishc #LRVerse #little!Virgil

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sundrenched-smilez · 7 years

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odd numbers for the lesbian asks! (if it's too many just do every 4th one maybe?)

1. Femme or butch?

for type, im vry easily wooed by butches tbh

as for myself, im genderfluid + heavily lean towards butch-ish for one gender + have been gettin more comf w that term for myself. the 3 genders i switch between, ive described as sharp, dainty and tired, for reason of not really being comf w gender labels aside from nonbinary. sharp/tired r kinda butchish, moreso sharp. like leather jackets, ripped jeans, dress pants/shirts, defs flannels (which r a given for any mood im in tbh) while tired is like mb softer, more focused on flannels + loose tank tops/shirts, shorts + certain skirts, comfy clothes, and the like

ive found that i’m leaning more towards butch lately too, like i’ve been a lot more comfortable with pants and a nice top than i have w dresses or most skirts + im wondering if i was just hanging on to femininity for sake of society, so those r things 2 think abt. i still feel comf in them sometimes, but it’s getting much less often. gender’s weird, i still cant cling to one bc of how pressuring that is so genderfluidity is still smth for me + it shifting to different percentages is okay (im thinking out loud @ this point, but its helping so i hope its interesting to read)

3. Plaid button-ups or leather jackets?

both, but primarily flannels/plaid buttion-ups

5. Describe your aesthetic

aaahh theres a lot of diff aesthetics i could go into, but i have a tag if ur interested in a visual representation? basically, cosy homes, forests, wooden steps and bridges, cats, girls/nbs, water, plants, and old video game stuff, and clouds/skies. i’m sure there’s more in there, but for a good rule of thumb !! as for like dressing aesthetic, i like to look rly gay + attractive and a lil showy? like my shorts r Short and i love crop tops + a lot of my shirts show my bra thru them, + i like showing it when i can, like sports bra + a tank top is a fav look of mine bc i can make it look like my bra is a trim on the shirt + it’s cute. i’ve been wearing dresses less often, but occasionally, i like to rock one. id love a pair of combat boots but i have like size 11/12 feet + most stores dont carry that size + im hesitant to buy some online.

7. Favorite pair of shoes?

its rly hard to find any, i have like walmart converse knockoffs atm + theyre a beige/grey color im not that huge on, it kinda reminds me of sandalwood but depressed

9. Any haircut goals for the future?

there was the undercut!! and i have that down now c: next step is to dye it blue and mb some purple. i wanna bleach it if i’m gonna dye it, but im hesitant to do that bc of how damaging it is, but since my hair’s been cut a cpl time almost all the color is out now, so i think itll b ok if i take good care of it.

11. Describe the worst date you’ve been on

i went to a cafe w someone (i think they were nb but i cant remember, it was like 2 yrs ago about ) and they were impossible to talk to bc they just kept saying “im awkward sorry” @ everything and like any conversations i tried to maintain were all one-shot responses, and like that was a lil frustrating. like i dont hold it against them or anything, more in a sense of i was rly tryin 2 carry it and just couldnt

13. If taken, talk about your girlfriend/wife!

whooh i wish i was taken, i need affection + to b cute w someone

15. Describe your dream wedding

hmmmm i havent thought much about it !! i know when i was younger i wanted to wear a black wedding dress but now im thinkin mb a suit that switches to dress @ the bottom?? that could b cool. I’d be happy w anything tbh, if im getting married, i’d just b happy to be w my wife/spouse. mb somewhere in a forest or on a boat would b cool, defs lots of good food and colorful flowers. I’d like a lot of color, most weddings ive been to are just b/w and bland for my taste (they’ve also all been straight tho so theres that.) it’s kind of wild to think that i might b married someday, but it’d b rly nice. i just haven’t thought much abt the planning of one. it’d b rly gay tho, probs give out tiny gay flags at each seat, and the cake could b lesbian flag colors. im rly drawing a blank on this, but i know id want all my friends around the country + world to be there.

17. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?

i definitely want to live in a port town at some point !! idk where i’d like to settle down, ideally somewhere that doesnt get much hotter than 90 degrees + has lots of parks + is big enough for some events, like pride stuff, little festivals, a farmer’s market, and places to do things, such as a movie theater, bowling alley, mb an aquarium, if not one in a nearby town. hiking trails r also good.

19. Favorite lesbian novel/story?

on a sunbeam!!! its a huge inspiration for me, and i love it so much. it always puts me in such a good mindset when i read it, and the artist is my age, so it makes me feel like I can also accomplish great things if i rly put my heart into it!! which is such a good feeling, and it has great representation + characters that i love, and its rly gay, and in space and theres ships shaped like fish + its gorgeous : D i could go on for hrs abt it + how important it is to me. theres an nb character too, and like the aspect of found families is one that rly hits home and it helped me get thru a rough time of my life + better accept myself as queer/gay.

21. Favorite lesbian musician?

adult mom (tho i think they’re bi but still gay), or hayley kiyoko

23. Ever been assumed to be nothing more than a gal pal?

i think so, but i can’t place when, it’s been a bit.

25. Be positive! What do you like most about being a lesbian?

talking abt being gay w other girls/nbs is lovely and cathartic, i never got to growing up bc i lived in a homophobic town + i was like dealing heavily with internalized homophobia and body/gender dysphoria so i was ace for a bit. talking more abt like sexual attraction + aesthetic attraction is new to me, and that’s been a process to get to, but it’s nice that I can now do so w/o being belittled or barraged by insult. i also just love the thought of being w someone, and daydreaming abt when that happens is really nice. also,, girls + nbs r a blessing and brighten my day and im so glad im attracted 2 them

27. Turn ons?

absolutely communication, that’s a need. i had a bad experience w someone bc she wasn’t communicative at all, and failed to tell me that we weren’t dating despite us going on several dates + kissing??? like i wont go too into it, but hatchi matchi it was a mess. so yeah, communication, affection, and like reassurance that they actually want to be with me, and that my presence is wanted and enjoyed. I got a lot of “i dont care”s for answers last sort-of relationship, and that was rly discouraging. another turn on is for them to initiate talking and things, like holding hands or planning to hang out + such. consent is another big one.

29. Do you usually ask other women out or do you wait for them to ask you?

i usually tend to ask them out, but im still dealing w internalized junk, so its difficult. i also havent any situations in which they liked me back, which is frustrating. like i got lead on earlier summer for abt a month until i asked what we were doing + didnt rly get an answer, and it was this whole mess. i generally try to make the first move tho, bc i know firsthand how difficult it is, but that being said, it’s still hard for me to know for sure if theyre interested + i dont wanna make things uncomf w them, so i’ll wait until i think there might b attraction. that being said, once that’s all out of the way, i like to consider myself a good flirt when im trying.

31. Talk about your interests or hobbies!

i have lots of interests!! im obsessed w steven universe, its my fav show (and if u ever have time, we should totally watch it together sometime, i rly think you’d love it, it’s super gay + heartwarming.) i really love playing music and learning new songs, which im rly great at memorizing. talking to friends + gettin 2 know them better is always nice and fun. i like to draw new things + see the different ways ppl draw, so seeing art on here is always fun for me. i’m also rly into polygon videos (it’s a youtube channel, not like videos abt polygon haha) and this podcast called the adventure zone. season one just ended, so i might start listening to another one called friends at the table. i rly wanna start a podcast w someone, but can never find anyone to start it with. idk what I’d talk abt but if i could find a partner for it, i think it’d be a lot of fun. mb smth abt games or books/queer representation in media. doing a dnd podcast would also b rly fun, but a lot of work + editing so mb later down the road !! im blanking on other interests atm, but animations and cartoons r lovely and i aim to make something in that field one day, if not just a comic.

my hobbies r mostlyyyy drawing, dnd things now every thursday, hanging w my friends, playing video games, sometimes writing (i rly wanna start a comic, and im tryin to get my butt into gear on it), goin to parks, listening to music, and goin 2 events w roe + cesar, two of my friends. sometimes ill play music!! i need to get more than the keyboard i’m lending, but i love performing. ill also watch leg birds on youtube, theyre a lesbian couple that plays gams + theyre rly sweet.

33. Do you love easily or does it take time for you to warm up to someone?

its easy for me to love friends, doesnt usu take me more than a few months of knowing them if were talking a lot. as for falling in love, that takes me a lot longer. ive never rly been in love w someone. i thought i was once, but rly it was just my first gay experience w someone and i wanted it to be perfect so i projected a lot of things + made it better than it seemed to myself for the duration of it, which wasn’t healthy, so i wanna avoid doing that again, + take things slower next time. or at least for what they are.

35. Ever fallen for a straight girl?

a few times, they were just crushes tho, so it wasnt too too bad

37. Favorite comfort food?

hot cocoa or tea. as for food food, i dont think i have one. mb french toast or cinnamon rolls.

39. Vegetarian? Vegan? None of the above?

i used to be a vegetarian!! for like a yr, but it was difficult for me to eat and feel full, and i was pretty underweight, so i stopped.

41. Early-riser or night-owl?

both, i tend to stay up, but getting up early can be nice if i dont have to do anything. like just gently waking + making some tea and a nice breakfast + sittin around for a bit.

43. What is your Myers-Briggs type?

enfp-a

45. At what age did you know you were a lesbian?

i think like 16-17? it took me a bit to get words for identity, like lesbian/nonbinary and the like, but i always knew, like id call myself an individual as opposed to gendered terms that i was referred to, and always felt rly yucky w deadname + the wrong pronouns

47. Are you crushing on anyone at the moment (celebrity or otherwise)?

ive got one crush atm !! and another person who seems nice, but i wanna hang out w before like thinking abt a crush (im poly, which perhaps goes w/o saying, but i always like to state it when talking abt these things, jic )

49. Talk about your dreams/aspirations for the future

i’d like a partner or two, to get some bongos- i got to play some a couple weeks ago, and it was the most fun i’ve had playing anything!! having smth with an instant response that i could make up rhythms with was really rewarding and so much fun. i know i want a cat at some point, to go on cute dates + cuddle and kiss a lot w someone, to visit my friends in other places, dye my hair, get a better job, to travel a bit, make a comic, go to college for animation and storyboarding, mb go to camp at some point, and I’d like to make some more friends here, i’m already making some, which i’m super happy about, but it’s always nice meeting new ppl

thank u for asking!! this was relaxing + fun, and a lot of the topics were cathartic to talk about, and i needed it. so thanks for listening too kinda

also im queen of commas, i’ve discovered while typing this

#msg in a bottle #cass charts #idk what i want my ask tag to be

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apokine · 7 years

Text

Anna told me to do the whole thing so here we are I guess

How did you choose your name? IDK I just wanted to still have a name that wasn’t like ~weird~ but still unique

What gives you the most dysphoria? (Acknowledging that not all trans people experience dysphoria) even tho I got my tiddies removed i still feel kinda weird abt my chest if i’m not wearing a top lol…also a weird one but lipstick

Do you have more physical dysphoria or more social dysphoria? social maybe? it’s just sort of there all the time so

What do you do to perform self-care when you’re feeling dysphoric? what i always do when im feelin down - EAT LOTS OF FOOD

What was the first time you suspected you were transgender? uhhh i think the first time i suspected it as a like TANGIBLE THOUGHT was this one time when i was out w/ friends and had to go to the bathroom and i absolutely had an epiphany in the bathroom that i wasn’t a girl hahahahaha

When did you realize you were transgender? idk how this is different from the last one and i dont rly remember when it was that i like officially stopped thinking of myself as a girl

What is your favorite part of being transgender? other trans ppl probably. stay awesome, trans peeps

How would you explain your gender identity to others? mostly genderless, but i fluctuate around

How did you come out? If you didn’t come out, why do you stay in the closet? Or what happened when you were outed? im out w/ family/friends, who all found out in diff ways i guess? some ppl i just told, i also wrote stuff on tumblr & fb about it

What have your experiences with packing or wearing breast forms been? no experience with either lol

What are your experiences with binding or tucking? binding sucked haha i defo wore my binder way more than i should have and got that Big Back Pain so i eventually mostly stopped and then got my bops chopped off

Do you pass? nahhh (is it even possible to pass as nonbinary??? question for another day)

What (if any) steps do you want to take to medically transition? got top surgery, idk abt hormones cuz i dont see myself as transmasc and am not interested in looking Very Masculine but i would like to look Less Feminine

How long have you been out? uhhhhhhh year a half maybe???????

What labels have you used before you’ve settled on your current set? none, tho i wouldnt say i’m particularly ‘settled’ haha

Have you ever experienced transphobia? sure have

What do you do when you have to go to the bathroom in public? usually the women’s restroom, sometimes mens if it is more convenient

How does your family feel about your trans identity? mixed reviews lol, some of my family is super supportive, some of them are like “why are you doing this” etc

Would you ever go stealth, and if you are stealth, why do you choose to be stealth? i mean i guess i’m stealth at work bc i worry abt my job

What do you wish you could have shared with your younger self about being trans? i wish that younger me just knew there were options i suppose

Why do you use the pronouns you use? I use they/them bc she/he felt too gendered for me and neopronouns just sound too strange to me personally. I respect and admire anybody that uses neopronouns bc those ppl are paving the way for future generations to have more options that are normalized tho. I just can’t do it myself cuz I have a big fear of standing out which is totally at odds with like everything I wanna be lol

Do your neurodivergencies affect your gender? i dont think so but who fuckin knows

What’s your biggest trans-related fear? NOBODY’S EVER GONNA LOVE ME

What medical, social, or personal steps have you already taken to start your transition? i feel like this has already been covered by previous questions

What do you wish cis people understood? that my gender isnt anybody’s business!! who cares!!

What impact has being trans affected your life? idk honestly. dont know where to even begin trying to measure that

What do you do to validate yourself? well sometimes i like to argue with strangers on the internet

How do you feel about trans representation in media? i love the increasing representation in the media and it makes me very happy to see being trans normalized and validated, but obviously there still just isnt enough good representation

Who is your favorite trans celebrity? angel haze maybe

Who is the transgender person who has influenced you the most? hmmm well i think that trans people i know irl are the ones who have given me the most courage. when i see other people come out or change their name or use they/them pronouns or WHATEVER i’m like “wow if they can do it i can too”.

How are you involved with the trans community, IRL or online? i wouldnt say im really involved w the community in any way aside from just being present here on tungle dot com

How do you see yourself identifying and presenting in 5 years? pretty much the same

What trans issue are you most passionate about? affordable & accessible healthcare!!!

What advice would you give to other trans people, or what message would you like to share with them? hey buddy i did it (am doing it?) and so can you

How do you feel your gender interacts with your race, disability, class, weight, etc. from the perspective of intersectionality? i feel like skinny white androgynous ppl are the ‘default’ nonbinary ppl which sucks. i esp feel the weight thing bc i feel like it really prevents me from being seen the way i want to be seen. on the class front, i feel fortunate that can afford surgery and whatever else i need

What, if any, is the difference between your gender identity and your gender expression? i feel like my gender expression is super feminine to other people. but to me i feel like my expression is pretty much aligned w/ my identity

Do you feel more masculine, feminine, or neither? neither

What is your sexual and romantic orientation, and what are your thoughts on it? sexual - idk i think i need somebody to figure it out and tell me. don’t really feel like labeling it right now, but sex is just not big for me. romantic - panromantic cuz i just like everybody. somehow much easier to figure out than my sexual orientation

Is your ideal partner also trans, or do you not have a preference? no preference tho if theyre cis they better not be a douchebag about it

How did/do you manage waiting to transition? honestly i’m a huge procrastinator LOLLL. as long as i keep telling myself ‘haha yeah it’ll happen eventually’ i’m just like ‘cool so i dont have to do it NOW…’ as long as i have the knowledge that it WILL happen im like..i can wait. If I think abt the possibility that it might not happen I freak the fuck out…for a bit I thought it might not be possible for me to get top surgery (due to medical issues) and I was in panic mode.

What is the place (blog, website, forum, IRL space) you get most of your info on being trans or on trans related things? idk i guess i learned a lot on tumbles

Do you interact with other trans people IRL? not super often, i mostly know trans ppl that are just like acquaintances or casual friends. our interaction is limited to liking each others instagram or facebook posts lol

Are you involved in any trans-related activism? nah tho i think it’d be cool

Free space! Answer any question you want, or make up your own question to answer. i refuse to make up my own question

#gender schmender

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