#This is because the fact I’m constantly at every given moment holding so much hatred and anger | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hafanforever · 3 years

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It’s Good to Be Bad

I’ve described in previous analyses that I have a strong affinity for villains in fiction, including those by Disney. But like any fan of Disney, there are villains that I love and ones that I deeply detest with every bone in my body. So for my last analysis of the year, I will discuss my five most favorite and five least favorite Disney animated villains, though I also want to list a couple of other characters as honorable mentions to explain why I like or hate them.

The reasons I have for liking my favorite villains are simple, if not somewhat shallow, because I don’t exactly have deep reasons for liking them. Regardless of how evil, sadistic, cruel, and ruthless they are, I like them primarily because they are funny or charismatic. But it’s so much easier for me to list why I hate my least favorite villains, which is largely attributed the kinds of traits they display (most of which I cannot stand in people), their motives for being evil, and how they carry out their evil deeds while showing their evil natures.

This essay has turned into a longer one than I anticipated, so I am adding the “Keep reading” feature. Before I begin, I want to thank my dear buddy and soul sis @minervadeannabond for coming up with this title. Here is yet again another analysis of mine for you to enjoy, sis! 😁😄😉❤️

Most Favorites

Scar - Since The Lion King was the very first Disney film I ever saw in theaters as a child, and the first one I remember well from my childhood, many of my favorites Disney things come from it, including Scar being my #1 favorite Disney villain. Yes, he is a sadistic, tyrannical, narcissistic, cold-blooded murderer, but I think it is because of his cunning, smooth, elegant, charismatic nature and how pivotal he is to the story, particularly with how much he turns out to be a dark reflection of Simba, is why I love him so much. Furthermore, his song “Be Prepared” is my favorite villain song and among my favorite Disney songs of all, further showing how much The Lion King has given me Disney favorites since I was a child. 😁

Hades - Another one I remember well from my childhood, Hades is undoubtedly one of the funniest villains from the Disney animated canon. Although he is as cruel, evil, ruthless, and sadistic as any Disney villain, Hades is also so fast-talking, sleazy, sarcastic, cheeky, and hilarious that it makes it hard for me to take him seriously as a menacing villain. And while he constantly goes into fiery rages and blows his hot-headed top when furious, these help make Hades far more a comical, rather than scary, figure. Heck, when I was a kid, I always laughed, rather than got scared, whenever he unleashed one of his temper tantrums (except when he blows up at Meg with “I OWN YOU!!!”). And James Woods’s performance, especially since he ad-libbed many lines, helps make Hades such an unforgettable and memorable, if not lovable, character. So yeah, Hades’s wisecracking, talkative personality made him a memorable villain for me as a child, and I’ve loved him for it ever since. 😆😂

Ursula - Much like Hades, Ursula is sleazy, scheming, and cunning, yet wisecracking and comical at the same time. Besides her dry sense of humor, Ursula’s eccentricity, flamboyance, and elegance have always been the traits that drew me to her, and Pat Carrolll’s performance of the character is pure excellence. 😉

Maleficent - Despite being an incarnation of pure evil, including with her self-proclaimed title as The Mistress of All Evil, to me, Maleficent is by far the coolest, most badass Disney animated villain of all! 😆👍🏻 Yes, she curses Aurora with no true motive whatsoever, and she’s sadistic, ruthless, blasphemous, and murderous, but her display of her ill temper and dark magic just makes her totally awesome, most especially when she zaps her minions for their stupidity and incompetence upon learning they were only looking for a baby during their 16-year search for Aurora. 😁

Ratigan - Again, Disney has an evil, murderous, sadistic villain in Ratigan, but I love him because he is very collected, calculating, sophisticated, and charismatic, not to mention Vincent Price delivers such a great vocal performance as the character. 😉 What I also love about Ratigan is the moment when he undergoes what is known as a villainous breakdown, which is when a villain snaps and goes utterly crazy. During the film, Ratigan has some moments of losing his cool, but just as quickly manages to become calm and regain his composure. However, upon seeing Basil and Olivia escape from him inside Big Ben, along with Basil having having foiled his earlier scheme to kill the queen and take over England, Ratigan finally snaps, turning from a formal, sophisticated, composed rat to a highly feral, aggressive, savage one. It is the moment when Ratigan reveals the monster within and looks like a true rat, with an aggressive expression, hunched back, elongated claws, and running on all fours. The fact that Ratigan’s breakdown juxtaposes what kind of rat he was for the majority of the film is why his villainous breakdown is my favorite of any Disney villain.

Most Hated

Gaston - I have stated this before in “Bride and Prejudice”, but I pick Gaston as my #1 choice as my least favorite Disney animated villain. And it’s not just because of his extreme vanity, egotism, chauvinism, and arrogance, which are the very traits I hate in people, but because of his inferior, sexist, misogynistic views of women. Gaston is THE walking definition of toxic masculinity, the fictional example of the worst kind of man, the epitome of what men should NEVER be! 😡😡😡 He thinks men are the superior gender and that women are inferior to men, with their only purposes being to serve men and be their sex objects. And since I am a feminist who believes in gender equality, I dislike men who have low, sexist opinions of women, and Gaston fits the profile of what I think is the worst example of such a man. I could go on and on explaining just why I loathe this monster of a man with all my heart, but you can just read the aforementioned analysis to find out more.

Lady Tremaine - If it weren’t for Gaston being my #1 pick because of his extreme sexism and misogyny, I would pick Lady Tremaine. She comes such a close second because her motivations for abusing, oppressing, and being so cruel to Cinderella are petty and stupid, ESPECIALLY because Cinderella never even did anything to deserve such treatment from her in the first place! 😠😡 Lady Tremaine hates Cinderella and is very jealous of her purely because Cinderella so much better-looking and kinder than her own daughters and herself. So they abuse her and make her their servant to make her miserable and unattractive so that they can look better than her instead. Additionally, Lady Tremaine has a deep-rooted obsession to be above Cinderella at all costs that she resorts to lying, manipulation, trickery, and cheating in order to stay above. I particularly loathe it when she manipulates her daughters into tearing up Cinderella’s dress just so that she can appear fair and keep her word regarding her side of the bargain (she says ”if you can find something suitable to wear”, and once it’s wrecked, it’s no longer suitable) while simultaneously making sure she doesn’t have to keep her promise since she never wants Cinderella to go in the first place. All that being said, do these sound like justifiable excuses for hating a completely innocent woman? I DON’T THINK SO!!! 😡😡😡

Claude Frollo - Now if weren’t for BOTH Gaston and Lady Tremaine coming first, Claude Frollo would come on top as well! 😡😡😡 Frollo is without a doubt in my mind the most evil villain in the Disney animated canon. Unlike most Disney villains, he is COMPLETELY devoid of any likable or redeemable traits, making me have nothing but feelings of pure hatred for him. Ruthless, cruel, blasphemous, racist, and evil to his core, Frollo holds a deep-seated hatred for the gypsies and seeks to eradicate them from Paris, making him not only murderous, but genocidal, especially since he seeks to kill them simply out of his own racism, supremacy, and superiority. Throughout the years in his quest to eliminate the gypsies, Frollo murders Quasimodo’s mother by violently kicking her, causing her to fall and hit her head on the stone steps of Notre Dame, then tries to burn Esmeralda at the stake, declaring that she must be killed because she has been practicing witchcraft. After killing the mother, Frollo even attempts to drown baby Quasimodo simply because of his deformity. What makes Frollo even more evil besides doing his deeds is that he is a judge with control over the city, yet he proves himself to be corrupt and hypocritical by violating the laws to accomplish his dark, sinister deeds. Perhaps what makes Frollo the most evil villain of all is that he is in complete denial about how evil he really is. He has a delusional belief that he is a good, religious man doing God’s work by trying to purge the world of evil, when all he really does is twist his “faith” and hypocritically use it for his own evil purposes. What’s worse is that Frollo never once takes an ounce of responsibility for his crimes; he makes excuses to justify his actions, painting himself as guiltless and his victims as the only ones at fault. So with Frollo being such a blasphemous, hypocritical, racist, genocidal, murderous, corrupt judge who never believes he is doing anything wrong and always lays blame on the victims of his misdeeds, I can’t say there is a single thing about him that I like, and I’m happy he met his death in a fiery blaze! 😡🔥

Mother Gothel - A character I see as being an amalgam of Gaston, Lady Tremaine, and Frollo, the reasons why I hate all three of these villains are also found in Gothel: vanity, narcissism, oppression, mental abuse, trickery, manipulation, dishonesty, hypocrisy, and flat-out cruelty. First of all, Gothel’s vanity, narcissism, and obsession with her own beauty makes her extremely insufferable and annoying, not to mention the fact that she hoarded the flower to herself for hundreds of years just to stay alive shows how incredibly selfish and possessive she is. And due to her selfishness, she kidnaps Rapunzel, hides her in a tower, lies to her about the outside world, and continually mentally abuses, manipulates, oppresses, mocks, and belittles her just to ensure that Rapunzel will never leave the tower and the flower’s magic in her hair will keep her (Gothel) alive and young forever. On par with her narcissism, Gothel is shown to be a very spoiled, childish, immature woman who seeks to always have things her way and throws tantrums or other emotional outbursts when she doesn’t get her way or what she wants, especially the very moment she wants it. Furthermore, Gothel possesses a martyr, or victim, complex, which is shown perfectly when victimizes herself and places all the blame on Rapunzel whenever any sort of conflict befalls their lives and relationship, especially when they argue. So with all these flaws in mind, like Gaston, Lady Tremaine, and Frollo, I can’t find any good reason to like Gothel at all. “Mother Knows Best”? More like “Gothel Knows Worst”! 😠😡

Governor Ratcliffe - I said above that I hate Gaston because of his bigoted, low views of women, and prejudice is the main reason why I hate Governor Ratcliffe. However, his prejudice is in the form of racism, the kind of bigotry that I hate the most. Ratcliffe displays this attitude towards the Native Americans, considering them savages and seeing himself as better than them all because of his race, which makes him a white supremacist. Besides his supremacy and superiority regarding his race, Ratcliffe is intensely greedy and selfish since he wants to keep any riches found for himself and believes that the Virginia land and anything he finds on it is his for the taking. In relation to his bigotry, he is also quite delusional and self-righteous, which makes him believe that any theory he has is right and he refuses to believe otherwise or listen to reason. For example, Ratcliffe dismisses Wiggins’ correct assumptions on why the Indians attacked the settlers and John’s claim that there is no gold in the lands after Pocahontas tells him this. The hatred I hold for Ratcliffe is significantly less than the other four listed here, but the reasons I gave are virtually like those I gave for Frollo, so I’m confident with Ratcliffe and his place on my list.

Bonus Mentions

Hans - Hans is a villain that I place in the middle between my most loved and most hated villains, because I love him for WHAT he is as a villain while I simultaneously hate him for WHO he is as a character. I have said it to friends and some of my other analyses before, but one of the reasons why I love Frozen is because it took many of the traditional fairy tale elements and tropes used in their preceding films, and turned them upside down. So rather than having another prince as the heroic male lead in this film, Frozen twisted that trope around by making him the villain instead. And when Hans finally reveals his true nature, you realize that he has fooled not only Anna and the other characters who interacted with him, but first-time viewers as well! So while I love Hans for being a villain who keeps his true nature under wraps for the majority of the film and almost gets away with his crimes because of it, I also hate him because of how cold, cruel, callous, ruthless, and sadistic he really is. When he reveals his true nature and explains his plan to Anna, he mocks her intelligence, naïveté, and desperation for love while explaining just how easy it was for him to deceive and manipulate her into being a pawn in his plan to take over Arendelle. Throughout the whole scene, Hans smiles wickedly and sadistically, clearly showing the delight he is getting from tormenting Anna and watching her suffer while he explains his scheme and extinguishes all light sources to accelerate her death. It’s also easy to see his sadism when he announces his plan to murder Elsa, and that he will get even greater joy out of carrying out the act itself (which we see when Hans smiles widely while swinging his sword over Elsa’s head as he tries to kill her on the fjord).

Chi-Fu - While he is not a true villain, and not even evil at all, Chi-Fu is a very detestable character, one whose guts I hate completely because he has the same traits that make me hate Gaston: arrogance, conceit, egotism, bigotry, superiority, and misogyny. Prejudice against women is a main theme in Mulan, and Chi-Fu is the one man whose prejudiced opinions never change. While Shang and Mulan’s fellow soldiers initially hold views that women are beneath men, they learn to change them after Mulan proves herself a capable warrior in the army (even after her disguise is revealed), most especially when she helps save China from Shan Yu’s reign of terror. Despite the majority of his bigotry being aimed at women, Chi-Fu is also detestable because he shows it towards nearly everyone else, except the Emperor. As the second-in-command to the Emperor, Chi-Fu sees himself superior to almost everyone else around him, which enhances his pompous, elitist, arrogant attitude. Because of all these antagonistic traits, I loathe Chi-Fu while I don’t hate Shan Yu at all, even though the latter is truly pure evil and genocidal! 😠😡 It just goes to show that some people who are neither necessarily good nor bad can be even more contemptible that the most malevolent, murderous people.

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retvenkos · 3 years

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“i am this close to dropkicking all of you into oblivion”

i have one sibling in every hogwarts house, so here’s some weird things each of them does...

gryffindor

will walk up the stairs, stare at you for a minute straight, and then make a random animal sound (usually a pterodactyl screech) before laughing and leaving again

unironically blasts “all i want for christmas is you” at 8 o’clock in the morning on black friday

will call you at really inopportune moments only to breathe heavily into the phone, laugh after a minute or so, and ask you if mom is home (after she just told them she was leaving.)

if they get take out they always offer to get you something and then pay for it, but then they hold it over your head, later

never has cash on them, despite always being able to buy you take out

which means they never tip the doordasher, rip

honestly doesn’t care if they’re left out of family things™ but brings up all the times you did something without them randomly, just to guilt trip you

always makes plans for when they will come into money but never does

plans to get really expensive gifts for birthdays or holidays but then doesn’t have money when the time comes

impulsively sells their electronics (like playstations and xboxes) for money only to buy new electronics

and then eventually buy back the same model of the one they sold

actually stays out of a lot of family drama by just never leaving their room

needs “background noise” to sleep so they end up hogging netflix all night despite not actually watching it

yells loudly when playing video games, much to ravenclaw’s annoyance

stays up until 5 o’clock in the morning playing video games then doesn’t wake up until noon

only sings to annoy others

put a nylon on their head and had a cousin (an enablist ravenclaw) pour cereal and milk into their covered mouth

ravenclaw filmed and encouraged this

stole the microwave in the kitchen to put in their room

aLWAYS HAS THE TV ON BUT NEVER WATCHES IT

constantly deletes and recreates their instagram account

unironically likes riverdale

watched the entirety of the clone wars and then made fun of me and hufflepuff when they saw us watching it.

absolutely did not care what i put on this post

ravenclaw

will mutter a joke under their breath, and then when no one laughs, will say “wow. guess i’m not loved.”

went through a pirate, ancient egypt, ancient greek, and dinosaur phase at various points in their life

for the most part you would never guess but occasionally they will hit you with a bit of obscure knowledge that makes you go ???

planned a scavenger hunt based on the meme of ted cruz being the zodiac killer

enlisted the help of their sibling, a slytherin, to create an ottendorf cipher to make it interesting

gets enraged by the fact that gryffindor never tips doordashers

doesn’t want to be left out of family things™ but also doesn’t want to do them

doesn’t let their financial status known and will just suffer™ in dignified silence

will float gryffindor money to buy electronics, only to get hella upset when gryffindor inevitably sells them

needs a special pillow and a sleep mask to sleep

is dead silent 80% of the time but will break out into song in the middle of the kitchen, completely unprompted

will be completely silent and then say “they ask you how you are, and you just have to say you’re fine when you’re not really fine, but you just can’t get into it, because they would never understand.”

films gryffindor’s antics

used the microwave in gryffindor’s room without passing judgement

randomly deletes or renames everyone’s accounts on netflix

or will troll others, making a second account identical to their own

mostly to annoy gryffindor or hufflepuff

has zero posts on instagram. obscure stories only.

reinvents their entire style every three years or so.

has zero consistency when it comes to music taste

likes to think they’re better than gryffindor because they watch scandal and how to get away with murder instead of riverdale

begged me to make this post (specifically to roast gryffindor) and then got very offended by what i put here

hufflepuff

will interrupt you in the middle of a conversation, and then when you finally turn to them, will go, “uhh..... i forgot.”

has a complete inability to finish their food, no matter how hungry they are. even if they finish their first plate they will get a second or third and fail to finish it in the end.

is constantly binging tv - is keeping up with 5 shows at any given moment

if you ask them to do something they don’t want to do, they either do it anyway or pretend they didn’t hear your request

this combined with them pretending to be asleep to avoid work

they never want to be left out of family things™ but only want to do half of it or one very specific job (usually doing the place setting for dinner or something equally as effortless)

is strangely good at getting other people to give them money but is also willing to give you some if you need it

encourages gryffindor to sell their electronics but then backs up ravenclaw when they get angry about it

never sleeps but when they do it can be anywhere at any time

sings while doing homework

also sings when they hear you coming toward them and can sense you need something (then they pretend they can’t hear you because they are singing and if you get louder so do they)

is very confused by gryffindor’s antics

was visibly upset when gryffindor put the microwave in their room and refused to use it for four months after it had been returned to the kitchen because it was “tainted”

has an ungodly amount of tabs open on google chrome at all times

they have zero storage in their phone because it’s full of really blurry photos they refuse to delete

also refuses to delete photos on instagram - even the cringey ones - because they “die like men”

is rightfully horrified by gritty reboots like riverdale

rewatches cartoons and disney channel only

has an inexplicable hatred for anakin skywalker and jar jar binks

i haven’t told them about this post because i fear they will go feral once they know of it’s existence

slytherin

will ghost you for two months and then do an instagram story about missing their family and always wanting to be there for you

used to be such a people pleaser that they did a sport that they actually hated for four years

buys scarily accurate gifts but then never tell you how they know

says they don’t care if they’re left out of family things™ but actually does

either has lots of money that no one was aware of or is hella broke but can play it off really well

tells gryffindor not to sell their electronics but also tells them the place to get the best price

manages to stay out of a lot of minor family drama but is at the center of larger debates

can sleep anywhere and can sleep through literal earthquakes but wakens at the sound of footsteps and someone opening their door

they can also tell who is walking around by the sound of their footsteps alone

is quiet 80% of the time but has the decency to break out into song only when behind closed doors

big shower singer

is never present for gryffindor’s antics but laughs and says to do it again (with suggestions for them) when they see the video

reprimanded gryffindor for putting the microwave in their room but frequently used it.

a morning person

(there are 3 slytherins in my house and all of them are morning people, explain that.)

will keep their icon for netflix and other accounts (like their g-mail, instagram, or even myspace) recent, but the photo is never actually their face - just a weird aesthetic photo

unironically loves instagram stories

makes then religiously, too

has never seen gritty reboots like riverdale but watches youtube videos that hate on them

loved hayden christensen as anakin skywalker and will die defending him

laughed while reading this post - especially at their own idiocy

AND FLUFF ENSUES.

#hp #hogwarts #hogwarts houses #headcanons #hp headcanons #slytherin #gryffindor #ravenclaw #hufflepuff #slytherin headcanons #gryffindor headcanons #ravenclaw headcanons #hufflepuff headcanons #siblings

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theonceandfutureking6481 · 3 years

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BBC's Merlin Season 1 Episode 4: The Poisoned Chalice Analysis

This is one of my favourite episodes, in this season, mainly for Merlin and Arthur. They are wonderful in this episode, and this is the first episode where you really see them starting to truly care about each other. This is a show fundamentally about love and the relationships between every character, and Merlin and Arthur are at the core of the show. Everyone in this episode though is so brave, and I admire them all so much. I talk a lot about a lot of different elements of Merlin on here but what I really love about this show is how much the characters inspire me, how much I admire them because I'm not sure I could ever be as brave as these characters, but I'd like to be.

Merlin's courage

There's not much in detail I can say about this but Merlin is so brave at the start of this episode. To burst into the king's hall and publicly accuse another king of attempting to poison Arthur. It's funny but one of the parts of Merlin's courage I most admire isn't his bravery to die for Arthur, it's his willingness to speak out when somethings wrong, his willingness to publicly embarrass himself, his willingness to be brave even when he could be wrong. It's a reachable form of courage, I don't think any of us frequently (or ever) have the opportunity to die for others, but in many ways the fact that we could all be as brave as Merlin in this way, that's what makes it feel so much more unattainable and thus more admirable.

The bigger courage though really is when Merlin drinks from the goblet, honestly even though Uther made him, Arthur probably would have drunk it but Merlin didn't let him. Merlin knew he would die if he drunk from that goblet, because he believed Nimueh to be telling the truth (which she was), but (as Arthur says) "he did it anyway." To meet death so willingly, it's not like jumping in front of someone in the moment in a battle, he had to make the choice to drink that poison because he is willing to sacrifice his life for Arthur's. And it hasn't got anything to do with destiny yet, he cares about Arthur, Arthur's his friend and Merlin's a good person. It's just a very noble moment for Merlin, Uther was making him but at the same time you could see Merlin choosing to drink from it, that's a choice and that was incredibly noble.

Arthur and Uther

There is tension between Arthur and Uther in this episode, between their views on the world and honour. It is, I think essentially summed up in.

Arthur: Because his life's worthless?

Uther: No, because its worth less than yours.

It's funny, you can see Uther's perspective here. He is right about one thing, Arthur is the future king, even if he's not inherently worth more than Merlin the stability of the kingdom rests on a secure succession and Arthur is Uther's only heir, there is more at stake here.

But Arthur's also right, a world in which any single person's life is protected more than others because of their social position is not a good place. It is not something Arthur believes in, but in Uther's world its just a given, it's not even a question that people ask.

Uther: This boy wont be the last to die on your behalf

Arthur: I can't accept that

Arthur never accepts this inevitability, he always seeks to risk his life first before any one else's and people follow him because of that, people (even his enemies) see the nobility in him because of that. His refusal to accept what to Uther appears to be an inevitability of kingship (Not a welcome one granted but one nonetheless) is what's going to make him a better king than Uther. As Morgana emphasises when she's persuading Arthur to go.

Morgana: And what sort of king would Camelot want? One that would risk his life to save that of a lowly servant, or one that does what his father tells him to?

Isn't this really just the point, Arthur will be a better king than his father because for him his right to rule is in some way always premised on his fulfilment of what he sees as right. Arthur is always trying to prove himself, especially in the early seasons. In Season 2 Episode 2: The Once and Future Queen when Arthur is fighting in a tournament under an alias so people don't know its him (and they will hopefully not let him win), you really see this.

Gwen: You have nothing to prove, least of all to me.

Arthur: I have everything to prove, to myself.

This is the fundamental point, Arthur is always trying to prove himself often to his father or others but always primarily to himself. Because he needs to prove to himself that he can rule Camelot, that he is deserving of it, so for the fact that he's going to be king to hold any weight he needs to do what he thinks is right, because if he doesn't then what sort of king would he be anyway?

This ties I think into what I mentioned in the last episode about Merlin and the greater good. The idea that Merlin never really makes the choice to kill Morgana or Mordred, except for in a moment where it was Morgana or Arthur, where it was a certain in the moment choice. Yes, he reaches a point where he tries to let them die but this is different to outright murder, and I think perhaps a Merlin who would have killed them is not a the Merlin we know, it is not a Merlin that could have formed Camelot. Arthur and Merlin's goodness comes from always trying to do the right thing, whatever the sacrifice to themselves, and if they hadn't been those sort of people then there is no way they could have been people who made a better kingdom.

Gaius: Arthur may give you a hard time, but at heart he's a man of honour. Not many people would have risked what he did for a servant

Uther

Uther's interesting in this episode, he has one of his worst moments in the show, not the worst thing he's ever done but certainly one of the worst things we witness. He purposefully lets Merlin die, we could understand it when he wasn't letting Arthur go after him, but to try to destroy Merlin's only hope for a cure to teach his son a lesson, that is cruel and so wrong. This takes valuing Arthur's life more than Merlin's to a whole other level, he values Arthur's obeying of him more than he values Merlin's life.

This goes to another feature of Uther's character I was just thinking about. He constantly mistakes control for love. He seeks to control both his children, he wants them to obey him, and if they openly defy him or disagree with him he punishes them. But he does love them, probably more than he loves anything else. When Morgana stages a coup against him and tells him how much she hates him he is broken, and he literally never recovers he does love them that cannot be denied but he spends so much of his life mistaking his controlling them for an expression of his love. It is an expression of his fear, he is scared of being out of control as he was when his wife died. Magic can be dangerous but mostly it caused him great suffering (although really it was him), so he seeks to control it absolutely, there is no nuance there and this is how he behaves towards his children. Hate and fear are terrible things to be motivated by, and Uther shows that. His hate comes from his fear, and his cruelty comes from there as well.

One thing, Uther does accept his fault at the end of this episode. It's not really adequate but its better than nothing and in its own way shows that Uther is capable of character development, and the fact that he will fail to do it in the most important ways is sad. His moment when he says to Arthur that Nimueh "is evil", it is so clear he is talking more to himself than anyone else. Isn't that a sign of trying to persuade yourself, he has to tell himself that Nimueh's evil cause ultimately she was just doing what he asked, and if he doesn't villainise her absolutely than its his fault too.

The one moment that really does redeem Uther a little in this episode is when he tells Arthur that "You did the right thing... I'm proud of you Arthur, never forget that." The last comment is telling, Uther knows he's not the best father, he knows that Arthur probably doesn't realise that Uther is proud of him. So the 'never forget that' is a reminder, I think, for when Uther inevitably forgets that himself. It is a reminder, for us, in its own way that Uther is trying to be a good father, and at least in this realm Uther realises that he very often fails.

Morgana

One interesting thing I noticed in this episode was how frustrated Morgana is with her life. I've never really noticed it before, but its in everything she says and does, even in the episodes before this. Even before she turns against Arthur and Uther and Camelot she is angry, not just at them, she's angry at her life. You can tell she feels like she doesn't have the power to do anything, like she's being controlled and perhaps like she isn't able to anything good or right because of Uther and her position, she feels pity for all the magic users but she is a part of the body that persecutes them. How do you reconcile that?

Morgana: Sometimes you have to do what you think is right and damn the consequences

There is so much frustration in that, and everything she says in this scene. I don't know exactly what this says about Morgana's character or her eventual place in the story but its interesting to note. Perhaps its to say her hatred of Uther and eventually Arthur isn't only because of her sympathy for magic users and eventually her own fear and feelings of being unloved but perhaps has its roots in her anger at this time, in Uther's control and her own powerlessness.

Merlin and Arthur

This is Merlin and Arthur's episode, so its kind of funny it took me so long to get to them, but there's really not that much to analyse in the wider scheme regarding them. They just are, and they are wonderful.

This is the episode where you see they do truly care about each other and they are truly good friends They risk their lives for each other with barely a second thought, and yes that is partially their own honour and decency but it is also fundamentally their care for each other that motivates them. You can tell when Merlin's thinking about destiny when he saves Arthur, it becomes such a huge part of his characterisation later on even though he loves Arthur more by that point he also admires him more so Arthur's destiny seems more important. Merlin doesn't really admire Arthur that much yet, he respects him and cares about him but the sheer admiration he will have for him comes later, and it is that admiration that makes him care even more about Arthur's destiny, because he believes in it far more. Right now though it is just their goodness and their friendship that motivates them.

The final moment between them though is beautiful. The moment when Arthur goes to Gaius' chambers just to check that Merlin's all right, even though he's obviously been told he is. He brushes it aside as usual, brushes how much he does actually care about what happens to Merlin (I mean Arthur did just go on a perilous quest that could have led to his death for him so I think Merlin gets it). But the moment at the end of that scene is lovely. There is just such mutual respect and recognition of each other and what they've done for each other, and the way they look at each other is just so wonderful.

Merlin: Thank you

Arthur: You too

Nimueh

One quick note about her. We will find out eventually what her motivations really are, that she's obviously not just evil. That she is angry at Uther and understandably so. And I wonder if in her there is a parallel for Uther I hadn't considered before. Both of them were involved in Igraine's death and Arthur's birth. And it was as a result of this action that Uther outlawed sorcery and began the great purge. She out of everyone knows best how hypocritical Uther really is. And in her own way, though it is obviously not her fault, it is her actions that set off the great purge. Uther made the choice to blame her and all magic but nonetheless it was a spell she cast that was the trigger, and I wonder if in her own way she feels guilty (just as Uther feels guilty about his wife's death) but like Uther she takes it out in anger rather than guilt. I'm not saying she should feel guilty, perhaps over Igraine's death but certainly not the great purge. However, she most probably does, and like Uther I think she's refusing to feel that guilt, and to avoid that guilt she chooses hatred and anger instead.

Bravery

Everyone in this episode though, is so brave. Gwen, Merlin, Arthur and Gaius all do risky, brave things that could get them killed, though maybe not killed in Gwen's case but certainly in huge trouble. Gwen sneaks into the dungeons and Gaius does magic. We will learn more about Gaius' character later but he is in many ways not a brave person, he is the sort who witnesses injustice and stays quiet, he's not brave. But he's brave here, he does magic, for Merlin, because he loves Merlin like a son. All the courage and bravery in this show comes from the love people have for others, and that's an important message, that the people we love and our own ability to love others can inspire us to be better people and to be brave.

Their immediate response to Merlin's apparent death moreover is guilty, they have nothing to feel guilty about, it's Uther's fault, but they blame themselves anyway. There is in that a contrast to Uther, who refuses to blame himself. They don't take their pain out in anger, they accept it and even though they have nothing to be guilty for the fact that their immediate response is guilt does say they are better people, braver people than Uther.

Other things

Morgana holding that butter knife ready to fight Bayard's men is the funniest thing ever. Like its an impressive butter knife, but it is still so clearly a butter knife.

Also so many bad guys plans in this show rely on Arthur or Merlin being fundamentally good people, like when your plan involves using people's goodness against them you need to re-evaluate your choices in life. I suppose its part of the point though- that they are willing to harm the innocent or take advantage of goodness in their anger. Uther punishes goodness in this episode.

My new motivational quote—> Gaius: "As the Old proverb says: Hard work breeds..........a harder soul." Merlin: "There is no way that's a proverb. You just made that up."

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cerberus253 · 3 years

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Demon Deep Dive (JCA)

Someone asked if I could do headcanons for the Eight Demon Sorcerers from Jackie Chan Adventures, so here it is, and more! Much more oh God...

Canon Stuff

All seven Demon Sorcerers HATE Shendu for his conniving nature and deceptive past towards/with them (Drago just hates him because father issues)

The Demon Sorcerers do not need external objects to perform spells, for it simply comes from their physical being

They are all old fucks

There are plenty more demon sorcerers, but these eight/nine are all those that were ever mentioned

All want to rule the world

Everyone, aside from Shendu, actually somewhat care about each other and agree to rule the world together. Why is that even though they shouldn’t have “social urges“ because of their biology? We’ll discuss that later

Looking back on the very first episode they were all in together, they are fucking in sync as all Hell! They were finishing each others’ sentences, they knew what each one was thinking. Damn, son, they be tight AF; family goals, amiright?

How to start a Demon Sorcerer meeting: Step 1) Find Po Kong, Step 2) Call everyone else over because it would take too long moving her at all

About the individual demons themselves (Most of this is reworded from the Wiki, but confirmed through watching their episodes):

Hsi Wu

Guerilla tactics for the win

Oddly patient, ya know, for someone so kind of childish

Becomes bored easily, so he has the knack to pick on his siblings and humans, with the latter being in more vicious and cruel ways

Aside from Shendu, Hsi Wu is the most bullied by his siblings (it’s because he’s small, isn’t it??)

Although he hates Shendu like the rest of his siblings, he is more “cold and apathetic“ towards him, with occasionally getting along, albeit extremely slight

High pitched noises hurts his ears

“His wings are sharp enough to cut through concrete“

Playful, although in a sadistic way

Simply flies to get where he needs to be

Likes to pester and make fun of Po Kong specifically

He just. Constantly smiles or has this big wide, toothy grin on his face all the time

*gremlin noises* *cat hisses*

Best/Worst Actor Award goes to...

Tso Lan

Sophisticated and more-or-less monotone sounding, he is always on alert with his senses. Despite this, his reaction timing is awful

Seemingly emotionless, his relaxed demeanor breaks when something doesn’t go his way. He does display some sarcasm, though

According to the wiki, he is very hard to please and never compliments anyone. What a stuck-up asshole

Along with Bai Tza and Xiao Fung, he is one of the more authoritative demon figures of the family

He apparently is one of the elder siblings

He is one of the most powerful sibling because he can bring the fucking Moon out of fucking orbit like it is nothing

He is Shantae He can control his hair, as well as float and glide gracefully

He can survive in space

He does indeed have legs, for he has been seen walking ONCE and we get to see his boots (Demon World (Part 2))

Shendu (My apologies, but not my regret, about if you are upset with me and my loathing for Shendu)

Selfish asshole who doesn’t like sharing, even with his family

Everybody Hates Shendu and Shendu Hates Everybody, and they all want each other dead, including Drago

Legit, he made a truce with Uncle, the mortal enemy, so he could horribly punish Drago. What a good father, amiright???

Can hold a grudge for, like, ever and hardly ever keep his promises. He also willingly admits he’s a traitorous bastard

Greedy and sophisticated asshole

Like, Jesus Christ, I wanted to give Shendu some slack because I did not want myself to be blinded by hatred for the guy, but my God is he the worst

“Shendu is not only devoid of compassion and sympathy for mortals, but also cares little to nothing for his family-members - this is displayed most markedly by how he left his siblings to rot in the Netherworld so he could rule the Earth himself.“

“Father and son's relationship was so toxic that Shendu even declared when Drago was being sucked into an interdimensional rift that his son deserved no less than to be trapped on the other side for his disloyalty.“

“Despite this, in response to Drago's apology and profuse pleading, Shendu visibly contemplated for a moment and hesitantly decided to try saving Drago from his fate (with a warning that his son must remember he is second to Shendu while they're on Earth), suggesting Shendu might genuinely care about his son to some extent (or at the very least, as close to caring about another being as Shendu is capable of).“ Um, not sure if I agree on the “genuinely care“ part, but totes on board with the “just wants him for a playing chip“ thought

Although he may be one of the most powerful demons of the family, that does not stop his siblings from actively going against him, which surprisingly makes Shendu submissive to them. Hmm...

He legit cares about no one but himself and that is no overstatement. I’m sorry to all those fangirls out there :V

Once ruled all of China

Shendu gets all whiny and high pitched, often stuttering, when expressing fear (which is every single time he gets a family reunion, which reminds me...)

He can be such a cheeky charmer

Although Shendu only cares about himself, he does seem pretty observant with recognizing what others do want, and of course uses that to his advantage. Hm, observant guy; no wonder he has fangirls

Tchang Zu

Not that talkative, even during fights, and rather only speaks when he feels the need to. However, when he does speak, it is rather loud and/or commanding

Hates when he isn’t respected, especially out of fear. He hates it so much he verbally explodes with anger when something personal to him is disrespected

Is willing to get down and dirty when reaching his (and his siblings’) goals

Is most likely the most colorful with his wording and admiring architecture

Really only attacks those he deems worthy (apparently there was a crowd of humans he only bothered scaring away and not attacking, even though they only saw him as entertainment?)

Become Goku Flies on a cloud to get where he needs to be

Oh my God he sits criss-cross-applesauce

Dai Gui

A little under average intelligence, but his brutality and strength make up for it, being an absolute bulldozer with anything that stands in his way

I must reinforce the “a little under average“ part because he does use the word “ludicrous,“ which is no caveman word

Violent and macabre imagery is his verbal forte

A big bully, since he loves throwing his authority around to those under him

Similar to Tchang Zu, Dai Gui is also willing to do dirty work, but mainly for himself than for others

Absolutely LOATHES “pretty“ things, like flowers

Sometimes talks in third person

Seems to prefer using his raw strength than his magical powers

Laughs at his own jokes

Persistent and dedicated. Nice!

Po Kong

Hungry Hungry Hippo; food is always on the mind, I wouldn’t be surprised if her want to rule the world was second on her list

Although she can and would eat anything, she is still picky

Her favorite flavor is human and salt

She knows French (ah yes, one of the “Love Languages”)

She snores

Po Kong likes to torment Hsi Wu

She can walk on her own

Favorite food: Human

Bai Tza

Hates Shendu the most

Most outspoken and dominating out of all the demons (”verged on superiority complex”)

Tends to deal with situations more realistically, as well as learning from past mistakes

Despite her intelligence, her hubris still gets the best of her

Along with Tso Lan and Xiao Fung, she is one of the more authoritative demon figures of the family

Apparently didn’t have humans living in her palace, which was Atlantis

Can levitate

Bunch of banshee screeches. Yeesh

Xiao Fung

Talkative and slimey diplomat that prefers debating with his siblings rather than arguing and fighting

Enjoys fights to the death between his underlings

Has an interest in drama and being a part of it

Seems to be the most cooperative and decent when working with humans. Cool!

Absolutely despises the Netherworld so much that a human prison is “paradise“ to him

Along with Bai Tza and Tso Lan, he is one of the more authoritative demon figures of the family

Need to get somewhere? No problem, just jettison your way with wind bellows from your lungs through your mouth

Although he does care for his siblings, it’s apparently not enough to “carry the burden“ of freeing them. Maybe it’s out of pure laziness? He does seem against doing active things (other than blowing wind, which only he can do)

Headcanon Stuff

Why do the Demon Sorcerers (besides Shendu) actually care for one another and agree to share the Earth between each other? I did say they do not possess the inherent-to-parent instinct, but I never said they were not social animals. The demons may not have the need to reproduce or want sexual anything, but they do posses the need/want to have company, which is kind of supported by the fact that canonically and in real life, Chinese demons mainly want to be praised and treated like gods. One cannot be considered a god, nor be praised in general, if one does not have beings beneath or beside them for confirmation

So, in a way, you could say they all desire some sort of reassurance of their importance.

Their relationship with humans is understandable, given from with what I just said, but the relationship between one another is a little more... deep? They obviously consider each other legit family, so they do care about one another (with some rough-play rivalry), but I think it’s less on the biological factor and more of the “fitting in“ factor.

Here’s my theory: Yes they are biologically family, but they did not view each other as such originally. After a while of being with one another, experiencing similarities, they became family-close in the metaphorical sense (in addition to the literal sense). This would explain how Shendu could have lost touch with them intimately while the others did not with each other, all the while still considering each other as family.

So, despite my whole push on the demons having little compassion, they do still harbor it; expressing it through family feelings. However, just like humans, there are always those who posses less compassion than the average person, and that would be Shendu. Shendu is the psychopath of the family-- the Black Sheep, if you will

In addition, theoretically, for all those fangirls and guys out there, they could love you like a precious pet. Just sayin’ (so, like, imagine the Demon Sorcerers having human pets and treating them like we do our own “Look how much of a chonkster my human is!” “Oh yeah? Well mine started getting ready for winter early; look at this massive boy-o!” I call my cats “stupid, stinky babies who I love” and then proceed to cuddle them all the time :V)

Fuck it, they have family movie/theatre nights because I find it endearing even though it may be Out of Character

To begin this next section, I want to state that the Demon Sorcerers are based on The Bagua. However, it is merely their elements that are the inspiration, not anything with the philosophy behind Bagua. However however, I will be looking into it and seeing what the Bagua has that still can reflect on the sorcerers. In other words, instead of basing the demons on the Bagua, I’ll be “basing“ the Bagua on the demons, if that makes sense.

Smol

Hsi Wu’s kingdom was probably located on the eastern coast of the USA

Judging by that teacher’s transformation with some of his chi, he may have “avian tendencies” with flying south for the winter and building nest-like structures

Probably the most convincing one to “befriend“ a human. Not because of his past friendship with Jade, but because people could relate to him of being picked on from size and lack of abilities, in addition to being more approachable because of his size and playfulness

His demeanor is mostly childlike, especially with how cruel children can be

Probably dislikes orchestral music, especially violins, flutes, the triangle, etc

Would most likely become a memester. Maybe.

“How do ya do, fellow kids?“

Likes to listen to music/singing while doing things and stuff. So, maybe he has to be distracted to some degree to be content, or he will be grumpy? (AD(H)D)

Real Talk: At one point in Tale of the Demon Tail (where Jade “befriends” Hsi Wu, or really his persona), Hsi Wu’s persona of being Jade’s friend actually disintegrates. Meaning, that “mask“ he put on to befriend Jade, at one point dissolved into an actual aspect of himself. So, when he answered Jade’s question of ‘are you going to the dance‘ or whatever, his initial response was that of an actual human-child Hsi Wu friend. While yes he was still acting, his initial response was almost unconscious, and then he realized what he was saying and said the other thing. I mean, it could have easily been “Nah, that’s stupid-- oh wait, that’s a good idea to get inside the house, actually,“ but that still follows the unconscious response action. What am I getting at here? Well, the interaction the two had proves that a clump of Hsi Wu’s personality does click with Jade. I’m not saying “I ship it“ or anything, what I’m saying is their personalities attract one another in general and could work between two different characters. As much as they seem to get along, there are other characteristics the two have that oppose one another and definitely shatters that friendship. So, Jade and Hsi Wu Being Friends? No; Some Personality Traits They Have Connect to One Another in General and Could Work Between? Yes.

The ye olde game of Chase is probably his favorite. Ya know, the game where you chase people around? Yeah, any game where he gets to chase/hunt his pray would be his favorite

Very similar to Shendu, Hsi Wu is one of the craftier folk of the family. However, unlike Shendu, creativity is his primary weapon which is, of course, used to make up for his size.

Similar to Xiao Fung, Hsi Wu is also one of the siblings that listens and pays attention the most. Their difference being is the information he learns is more for his selfish advantage than a “getting along” way.

Despite his dishonesty towards Jade, he is the most integral to himself. What I mean is, while yes all the demons follow their demon ethos, I believe Hsi Wu is the most true to himself and wouldn’t back down or reject something he is honestly interested in. However, probably because he knows how others know him, he can use this integrity to fool others into believing him with ease.

Hsi Wu is also probably the most inclined to have faith in others, but this DOES NOT mean he easily trusts people. What I’m saying is he may not easily trust others, but when he does, that faith in them is near unwavering

“The Beauty of Mischief”

“Lord High Lord of the Sky,” or “Lord High Lord of Firmament”

Vamps

Tso Lan’s “kingdom“ was probably located on the Moon

Like all sophisticated assholes, he probably enjoys reading, but only books that deal with the fall of humanity and apocalypse stuff. Maybe even some space stuff, like the movie Interstellar? (Star Wars can kiss his ass, though)

Can posses dark matter? Because of his dark magic bolts and his affinity with gravity?

Doesn’t like being around people. His siblings are fine, but he rather not have company, judging by how he most likely spends his time on the Moon and rarely visits Earth. Antisocial personality disorder much??

Like we have stated earlier, Tso Lan never gives out compliments, for he is oh so difficult to please. He watches intently and is careful with his neutral wording, always sounding cold and cruel. However, despite his emotionless disposition, he does have some ugly colors. For example, he does get angry, especially when he is interrupted. Example two, he does take pleasure in tormenting his enemies. However, the good color of natural tranquility explains his seemingly “lack of emotion.”

If he can ever “give respect” to anyone, it’s probably so difficult to achieve it should be considered impossible. But hey, if you do somehow get his compliments, consider yourself special, home slice! In addition, it’s probably also highly unlikely to get him to laugh. Like, not even a chuckle. Maybe a sarcastic and flat “Ha,“ but nothing too intense.

He may not think of himself as king or an emperor, but he does view himself as some sort of higher metaphysical power, like a pontiff. In addition, he probably sees his position being the highest because of his throne on the Moon and his power over gravity (and maybe dark matter). Being used to this placement, he has distanced himself from just about every living thing, being untainted with normal, petty desires. Oh but being a demon has its drawbacks, for wanting is in the blood. Meaning, there are most likely some things out there that he may desire (Fanfic Writers, assemble!)

You want him him to talk dirty to you? Why yes, you should keep good hygiene and not be smelly. Real Talk, though, because of his lack of emotion words, he probably would have difficulty conveying emotion verbally. But hey, his voice and tones are enough to get anyone aroused :V

Might secretly like dancing, but only simple ones. Like, The Waltz would be the most active he’d like

Might also hum tunes every so often. Despite that, he still prefers silence over noise of any kind.

“The Beauty of Isolation”

“Lord High Lord of the Moon,” or “Lord High Lord of Satellites”

Shit Dad

Probably studies magic the most and has a huge library filled to the brim with spell books and whatnot

Drago may be on his mind a lot, but probably not for any positive reason

Probably had Drago made for that thing in Taoism where two beings can connect one another metaphysically, and if one is in trouble (like they died or something), the other can help out (and resurrect if need be). Or, he wanted someone that wasn’t human on his side because he’s sure as Hell his siblings won’t side with him

While Drago is way more hotheaded than his Dad, it seems Shendu is more likely to let a petty grudge get in the way of his goals

Shendu hates family reunions

Dude’s a mad scientist

Probably regrets having Drago

Oh God, oh fuq, it’s the Big Bad Dragon that wants everything for himself. He must know what his name translates to because oh boy does he feel entitled to his mighty sovereignty. Like, he lusts for power so much that no amount of trickery could mask his clarity of greed, ya know, like a “true” dragon. What he wants, he will obtain, with let nothing obstruct his path… other than a petty grudge. He’s so full of passion and thermal rage he sticks out like a sore thumb amongst his brethren. He would even sink to deep lows to get what he desires, even if it is heavily depending on humans, lying, cheating, and stealing from his own family, doing forbidden things with humans to have a “son” he only wants to use as a playing piece, and even bend reality to his liking.

However, I must say it is impressive and admirable how adaptive he is with every situation he finds himself in. He is rather courageous and would try anything to reach his goal, even if it is siding with the enemy. Shendu speaks in sophistication and eloquence, to which the latter trait he shares with Xiang Zu, despite his childlike outbursts of rage.

He may not be the most elementally powerful sibling, but he is The Best with knowledge about other magics like spells and potions.

He does perform the stereotype of “dragons are beasts of greed” exceptionally well, which, I can admit, is pretty hot, being a monster lover myself

Something I’ve noticed with his face is that he lacks lips, which are replaced with external tooth-like structures. This actually forces the creators to make him expressive through other means, like his eyes. So, he’s expressive, and he fits the draconic poem I read in a book somewhere “Beware the glint in a dragons’ eye/ It is cold as ice to the liar/ It is sharp as a knife to the knave/ It is hard as iron to the greedy/ It is a burning flame to the brave.”

“The Beauty of Wrath”

“Lord High Lord of Fire,” or “Lord High Lord of The Thermal”

Sparky

Tchang Zu’s kingdom was probably located on the western coast of the USA

Would request for extravagant buildings and structures, as well as being a big fan of theatre (Beowulf, anyone?)

I can imagine him having a deep, boisterous laugh that is an award to trigger

Probably the best war strategist, everyone would hate playing Axis and Allies with him (He’d either play Russia for the size, or Germany because, well, you know)

(I’m just repeating what I’ve already stated, but whatever.) Similar to Tso Lan, Tchang Zu is careful with his words. However, what the latter does is speak only when he deems it appropriate, and sometimes with eloquence. When he does share his thoughts, it is in an assertive tone, making everyone stop and listen.

Tchang Zu is rarely ever caught off guard and surely plants himself where he stands, literally and figuratively. Despite his assertiveness, he does not come off as one of the most “authoritative” figures of the family. Instead, he’s more of an overseer and commander, making sure everything is falling in line under his, and his siblings’, iron-fist.

He is one of the few that would take the initiative when confronting a problem, which must be pretty terrifying for the opposition, seeing as how intimidating he is. Oof. Although he is on the shorter side, it does not bother him, for he knows his power is just as great as his siblings’.

Unlike his siblings, he wouldn’t be one of the “crafty” folk. What I mean is he isn’t a trickstery cuck like Hsi Wu and Shendu, but actually follows demon code and honor. I mean, not that “demon honor” is anything greater or equal to “human honor,” but the point still stands. What is “Demon Code and Honor” you ask? I dunno, watch Jackie Chan Adventures and observe demon culture yourself.

His demeanor may be slow and steady, but when he fights and flashes lightning, so much power and energy erupts from within. Majestic

Knows how to use semicolons properly

“The Beauty of Imperiality”

“Lord High Lord of Thunder,” or “Lord High Lord of Electricity”

Dai Guinguini

Dai Gui’s Kingdom was probably located on the western coast of Europe, maybe more specifically Spain

Let’s take that “hates pretty things“ even further beyond. The words “delicate and innocent“ usually come to mind when the words “pretty“ and “flower“ are shown. So, I headcanon he hates weak and fragile looking things, as well as cute. The more petite and dainty something looks, the more of an urge to destroy rises up

Probably needs to hold down a vomit when seeing romance in any medium (lava vomit?)

Also probably iffy on crystals and gems. Like, they are shiny and pretty and are sometimes delicate, but man, the massive structures these things can form into is crazy.

Dai Gui reminds me of the colossi in Shadow of the Colossus when viewed just wandering around. We know he acts like a brute and hates petite things, and is quite aggressive when he fights, but there’s something about him that makes me think of some majestic creature that likes to walk around all alone in a wide open space. There is some beauty to his “monstrosity” and I feel like that’s overlooked by him always being described as, well, a brute.

Although not as intense as Shendu’s, rage can also be a common sight with Dai Gui, but it’s mostly from his non preferred environments. Also, similar to Tchang Zu, Dai Gui appreciates his structural surroundings, but has a more keen interest in its earthly variety. Mountains, canyons, plains, plateaus, mesas, volcanos, deserts, etc. would be his ideal territory. Like I have mentioned before, I feel like he’d often roam around his landscape, constantly fixing and changing anything he desired.

Even though he doesn’t like flowers and such, I do not think he hates nature in general. Maybe most of it, but not all. He may like huge ass trees for their size and might, grasslands (like savannas) because, although grass is all over, it still gives a vast emptiness of calmness, which deserts give a vast emptiness of despair.

Quick note, I’m not saying he’s artistic and elegant. What I am saying he isn’t just a dumb idiot caveman that just lusts for destruction, but rather actually has a hobby of shaping the earth. Yes, he might find the terrestrial variety of the earth interesting, but he isn’t all, like, “Hmm yes, insert fancy art words here;” he’s more like “Hm yes, me like; I shall do more over there” and then just… does it without any pre planning or anything.

Not only does he like creating earthly structures, but also destroying them. Have you ever built something so cool (or have just seen something so cool) with Legos or whatever, and for some reason want to destroy it just because ‘ha ha destruction fun’? Yeah, that’s him sometimes.

I’d also like to add he likes bugs. Not only eating them, but also admiring their earth shaping tendencies. Their structures won’t stop him from eating them all, but he does like to see what they make before the big snack

I bet he likes to sunbathe sometimes. Mmmmm, warm rocks always feel good. Cool rocks, too! (This also made me think of belly rubs… hmm)

“The Beauty of Incessance”

“Lord High Lord of Earth,” or “Lord High Lord of Formation“

Mount Vesuvius

Po Kong’s kingdom was probably located in Japan, and/or Japan itself

Most likely the one to zone out on meetings with just thoughts on food (ADD maybe?)

Although she’d eat anything, Po Kong probably appreciates and remembers excellent meals. In addition, she probably could describe in detail of various tastes

Or, alternatively, since she eats so much all the food just blends together

Apparently, humans taste like chicken. So maybe, genetically create giant ass chickens, like in Skyrim, and feed her that if humans become scarce and/or too small for satisfaction

Probably the most difficult demon to satisfy, but not just because of hefty demands, but because she is practically the personification of gluttony. Like, I’m sure she can and will eat anything she wants, even inorganic things. She likes it? Nom. She hates it? Nom. She will never be fulfilled until she has consumed all… or until she explodes or whatever. I’m being dramatic.

Luckily, she is not picky. Unluckily, she is also picky. I guess it just depends on her hunger mood. One day, she may want just a bunch of salty snacks, likes chips and fries, and on another day she may want a giant bundt cake filled with gooey human flesh and blood.

Legit though, her kingdom/empire would be the number one food place in the entire world, with having the largest kitchen and all the best cooks (ha ha, like a collection. You could say she would have Too Many Cooks, but “too many” doesn’t exist in Po Kong World!). She would have food critics to make sure the meals she really wants to enjoy taste wonderful. Dude, like, imagine Gordon Ramsay and Guy Fieri at her command. She’d laugh her ass off with Ramsay yelling at people and Fieri with all of his antics; they’d be her favorite little humans. Funny, they’d both still be practically doing the job they do now, just being ordered around by a tyrannical demon who also likes food.

Has no interest in video games and picture shows, but does have the interest in the unique food that appears in them and of course demands them to be made for her.

To get on her “good side” is to be absolutely loyal to her and her eating habits. Ya gotta make the best meals, serve them in delightful ways (she actually doesn’t care about any fancy stuff, but appreciates the effort if done right).

I bet she likes getting spoiled. I mean, yeah, all the demons would want gifts rained down upon them, but they wouldn’t express as much glee as Po Kong would. She’d probably sound condescending half the time, but hey, at least she’s happy and smiles. Gotta give her big gifts though. Go big or go home, folks.

Just like us folk, she prefers Maximum Comfort when eating. That means sitting in her favorite chair, eating from her favorite dish, and watching her favorite entertainment pieces.

Ya into vore? She’s your woman *finger guns*

“The Beauty of Indulgence”

“Lord High Lady of the Mountains,” or “Lord High Lady of Beasts“

What do you call a fish without eyes? A Fsh

Bai Tza’s kingdom is factually Atlantis, but in the JCA universe, Atlantis might be close to the southern coast of Europe in the Mediterranean Sea

She’d be the one initially planning family get-togethers

Do I dare say I could imagine her being a dominatrix? Yeah sure

Similar to Tso Lan, she has/had an isolated kingdom away from humanity, but unlike her brother she most likely had subjects, which lived coastal in southern and south-east Europe, Northern Africa, and the Middle-East. Every civilization took a part in building her castle and its decor, but soon after it was complete, she sank it to the bottom of the Mediterranean Sea, never to be gazed upon with mortal eyes ever again.

Although she can survive in either, Bai Tza prefers warm and salty waters over cool and fresh waters.

Because of her unique bond with water, which literally has her able to morph to and fro between a liquid and solid state, she probably traveled and oversought numerous locations around the world, with any place being close to warm and salty seas. Did she hold dominion over them? Maybe, seeing as how just the Mediterranean Sea and most of its surrounding land is quite small for a kingdom when compared to her siblings’ territories.

Bai Tza may not be one of the most powerful siblings, but she is the most feared. She’s able to restrain herself when angry, she thinks outside the box when confronting obstacles, and her dynamism makes her tricky to confront. She is straightforward, blunt, and has a wicked and sharp tongue. Like stated before, she is one of the more outspoken relatives, being very dominant in every activity she takes part in. Wouldn’t surprise me if she was a control freak. However, enjoying her power so much leads her to be arrogant, making her hubris the number one weakness.

Bai Tza is probably the most cruel because she actively thinks about the damage she can cause instead of just doing it. Despite her cruelty, she isn’t heartless; she may in fact be the one that cares about her family the most, with having the most hatred for Shendu because of his betrayal to said family. On a side note with Drago, she probably rejects him mostly for his differences than his relation with Shendu, but of course the latter still counts. So, welcoming those into her tight personal circle would be a ‘no.’

Despite her evilness, she can and will compliment things that amuse her, and being super protective of them like personal property.

Would drown ships with anti-demon supporting humans on them, as well as anyone who enters her territory without permission. Probably could be convinced with gifts, but they better be good.

Theoretically could forgive past mistakes, but they must be made up with something equal or greater amount to said mistake.

Likes to wear jewelry, especially gold.

“The Beauty of Absolution“

“Lord High Lady of Water,“ or “Lord High Lady of the Abyss“

Froggy

Xiao Fung’s kingdom was probably located in Latin America

One of the smarter siblings, Xiao Fung prefers to discuss and debate over physically fighting. Not sure why, but maybe because he doesn’t view physical fighting as something “high ups” do; all of the dirty work is for the peasants beneath them. However, if forced and there being no other way, he would partake.

Knows the art of conversation quite well and usually dishes out the best conversations. He may not be eloquent like Tchang Zu, or very particular with his words like Tso Lan, but damn can he keep a conversation going if need be. It wouldn’t surprise me if he’d yak with others if he’s bored. Maybe try talking some existential stuff with him; that’d be neat. Or keep asking ‘why’ like an annoying child, and he’d probably be tricked into answering each one, with getting annoyed more and more the longer it all goes on.

Despite his laziness, he still would do activities that require his assistance, as long as it’s something only he can do. If there is someone else available, he’ll leave it to them.

Xiao Fung is probably one of the more “approachable” demons, being how he doesn’t immediately give off “fear and respect me or die” vibes. He’s still intimidating, but to those with any amount of courage could muster up to confront him. Ya know, if it isn’t anything personal to him, then in that case you’d be the one telling everyone how terrifying he is, also, ya know, if he lets you go back to your village.

It wouldn’t surprise me if he had decision making issues when it comes to something he likes vs something useful/”right”

If a human went up to him and made a deal, he most likely would take it as long as he gets something in return that he wants, as well as the odds being in his favor.

Human antics are strange and insignificant, but they are still intriguing to him and would converse about it. Just don’t think you’d make him change his opinion on us; that won’t happen, fo sho.

The most forgiving and patient of the family, although it may not be by much. It most likely stems from his diplomatic character, being willing to discuss situations, even thoughts he leans more against. It’s really the subjects she is 100% not on board with he will not discuss, but something around 70%-60% he’d be more willing to listen to. Whether he actually agrees with you and is not just listening for amusement is another story.

Really enjoys music, favoring well put together orchestral.

Could hold some serious long notes, and probably sing in all sorts of keys (Dude. Singing bass)

Dude probably loves board games like chess.

Tchang Zu and him probably get along well because of shared interests in theatre and strategy games.

Would be the one to bring up topics to get everyone arguing if things got boring, like politics. In addition, he would also bring up playing the “Friendship Ender” games we all know and love, like Uno and Monopoly.

While Hsi Wu carries the “shit eating smile,” Xiao Fung has the “smug cat” face.

“The Beauty of Disruption“

“Lord High Lord of Wind,“ or “Lord High Lord of Currents“

Bonus Factoids Upon my Research

Theoretically, because it is stated that the Twelves Talismans are physical manifestations/vessels of Shendu’s powers, the other eight sorcerers (this includes Drago) could have their own Twelves Talismans

Apparently, killing/destroying a demon causes the disruption of balance within the universe, causing a “stronger evil“ to manifest and fill that “wound.“ So, again, theoretically, could a “stronger good“ happen as well if a situation summons/calls for it??

Sadly, according to Shendu, the all chi-absorption thing Drago did at the end of Season 5 is irreversible. So, canonically, Drago is technically forever stuck as a Cthulhu abomination. I am forever sad. Like, yeah I’m a terato lover, but I really prefer Drago as normal :’( However, Shendu answered to a human using a man-made chi spell. What if the actual Demon Sorcerers did a chi spell, to which apparently is conductible without external means? Could they be powerful enough to reverse it if all of them worked together???

[Chinese and English Name/Japanese Name- Chinese Translation/Japanese Translation]

Hsi Wu/Tokage- Evil Lizard/Small Lizard

Tso Lan/Kyuketsuki- Flood maker/ Vampire

Shendu/Kiryu- God of All (oof)/Spirit Dragon

Tchang Zu/Oni- Soldier of Madness/Ogre

Dai Gui/Shishi- Great Ogre/Stone Lion

Po Kong/Daikaiju- Feared Cliff/Giant Monster

Bai Tza/Nisei- Force of Defeat/Second Generation

Xiao Fung/Keroro- Little Wind/Frog

Early Christmas gift to y’all :V

God I hope this is good enough. I’ve been spending all my free time working on these guys just to get the original ask done. Don’t get me wrong, I did like doing this and forming at least some kind of unique character with each, but I am so exhausted from how long I’ve been working on it. It’s mainly my fault for being such a try hard, so don’t blame yourself, Anon who asked for this; you all good, bruv.

#jackie chan adventures #jca #eight demon sorcerers #demons #hsi wu #tso lan #shendu #tchang zu #dai gui #po kong #bai tza #xiao fung #canon #headcanons #oh my god this was a lot of work #and dedication

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thenovelartist · 4 years

Text

In My Arms Again

Oh look, yet ANOTHER fandom I’ve written for.

I have stayed away producing content for either of the Ikemen games I play, but I couldn’t help it when @chocolate-parfait wrote this positively precious childhood friends headcanon for Ikemen Sengoku that I have been dying over for weeks.

So, I have caved and written out Ieyasu’s headcanon with my own little twist since he is my second favorite character in the game.

(Note: normally, I use “MC”, but I used my OC’s name “Kisa” this time.)

...

A four-year-old shouldn’t have to be nursing his wounds alone.

But such was Ieyasu’s reality.

As the son of his clan’s leader, his job was to be sent as a hostage in order to keep in the good graces of the much more powerful Imagawa clan. But they knew they were more powerful, and that made them cruel. Cruel enough to take out their rage on a four-year-old for even the slightest of offences.

Cruel enough to leave him crying alone in his room.

Weak. Nuisance. Rat. He’d only been here a matter of a couple weeks but those were the only words he heard.

“I wanna go home,” he’d whispered under his breath more than once. “I wanna go home.”

“Are you okay?”

Ieyasu jumped at the sudden voice, turning to see a girl sitting there with a worried look on her face. He scrambled away, turning his back to her and hiding in the corner. “Leave me alone!” he cried.

That day, she complied.

But not the next. Or the one after that. Or the one after that.

Eventually, she offered him a bite of the treat the palace chef had given her, and though hesitant, he took it. He thanked her, knowing he got pounded for being an ungrateful brat if he didn’t, and she flashed him a big smile.

It took a full year for him to show her a smile back.

It was small, and he was still scared, but she was nice enough for him to be okay with smiling. And she seemed really happy to see it.

The first few years of his childhood as a hostage wasn’t much more than that: be left to his own devices to wander around the castle, get beaten if he was underfoot or near anyone remotely angry, and seeing Kisa. If he was lucky, she showed him her toys or books. It was her who had taught him how to read. His captors hadn’t taken any care to teach anything yet, though he’d once heard one of the vassals complaining that they would have to teach the little brat swordsmanship soon, in accordance to the agreement set with his parents.

He’d learned later that that vassal had been Kisa’s father.

He didn’t care, per se. It did make him very nervous for something bad to happen to him or Kisa, but he didn’t care that she was the daughter of one of the men who constantly beat him. She was not like the others. She was the only person he could trust.

Then came the inevitable: the day Kisa’s father discovered their secret meetings.

Ieyasu had to pretend the broken ribs didn’t hurt with every breath he took as he hid away in his room, the threat running over and over through his head. “Stay away from her, you rat.”

He didn’t want to, but he didn’t have a choice. For Kisa’s sake, he needed to keep his distance.

But she just kept coming back. Ieyasu tried his best to lie to her face, yelling about how much he hated her and wanted her to leave him alone. As much as it killed him, he had to drive her away. He didn’t want her to go; he wanted her to stay. He wanted one of those hugs she liked giving him. He wanted to hug her back. But he knew he couldn’t have those ever again.

However, the day came when she snuck into his room with a bruise around her eye. And Ieyasu snapped. His anger got the better of him as he demanded to know who had hurt her, and when she admitted it had been her father, he swore that one day, he would make her father pay for what he did to her.

Despite all the yelling, despite him having grabbed her hard and pinned her against the wall in his fury, she just smiled. “I knew you still cared about me.”

Something in Ieyasu changed that day. That was the day he gave up trying to chase her away. It was also the day he began having a hard time looking at her without his chest getting tight.

It was a feeling that never went away; that tightness in his chest persisted around her. He found himself thinking more and more often of just how cute she was. And he began loathing when she wasn’t around. She was the only bright spot in his life. No matter how badly beaten he was that day, no matter if his swordsmanship “training” was manageable or just miserable, one glimpse at her could make the pain of his bruises on his body and soul fade away for a moment.

However, he sometimes wondered if that pain was transferred to her. Because oh how she fussed over his bruises.

“They don’t hurt.”

“How can they not hurt?! Look at them!”

“It’s fine.”

“You’re bleeding all over your floor. You are not fine!”

“You don’t need to fuss over me, you know.”

“Well, someone has to. And apparently, that someone is me, so you can deal with it.”

Ieyasu swore they had that conversation often, but shockingly, no matter how many times they got into that argument, he never got tired of it. Because someone cared. Someone cared about him enough to get mad when he was hurt.

He could tolerate those fights for that reason.

It was thanks to her that he began learning medicine. She had seen him injured so many times that she’d taken up reading any book she could on how to help treat him. And then he’d always read them next so he could learn how to treat himself before she got all riled up over it.

And that was life up until he was seventeen and he was finally released to go back home.

No one cared to send him off, and he didn’t care if they did. The Imagawa clan in general had taught him one thing: he was still hopelessly weak. He’d been trampled over and over and over again, leaving him feeling nothing but bitterness and hatred towards them, and self-loathing for his own ineptitude. He had to get stronger. He had to. He wouldn’t let them trample anyone else like they’d trampled him. And he swore he’d never let himself get trampled by anyone again.

“Were you really going to leave without saying good bye?”

Ieyasu turned towards Kisa’s voice, unsure if he was happy or disappointed to see her standing there. She was the only one person he’d originally been okay with seeing him off. The one person he’d originally wanted to see him off. Despite being the daughter of one of the strongest and most important vassals of the Imagawa clan, he would never do her the disservice of associating her with the clan he hated. To him, her family name held no meaning. She’d been the only one to care for him in the thirteen hellish years he’d survived here, and she would be the only thing he missed.

But that’s why he wanted to leave without her noticing. He knew that if he saw her now, she’d crack his resolve. He’d made up his mind that he’d become a man without weakness. But she reminded him that even if he shed all others, there would always be one weakness his heart could never let go.

“I thought I said good bye last night,” he said, recalling their evening. She’d snuck out to see him, as she always did. She had cried both saying she was happy for him but that she’d miss him dearly.

And he never could stand the sight of her tears.

So, just as he’d learned over the years, all he did then was open his arms, inviting her to sit in his lap so he could hold and soothe her. And she had come, like a trained dog. He’d had to wipe her tears away and rub her back to get her to settle, things that settled him, too. Having had her there, snuggled against him… his heart had swelled with emotion he never dared put a name to. He loved being sweet with her. Loved it to a fault. If he had his way, that would never change.

But life was cruel and never worked out the way he wanted it to. The fact she had been in his life for as long as she had, an angel in the middle of hell, was blessing enough.

“I still want to see you off,” Kisa said. “And give you a couple things before you left.”

He quirked a brow as she extended a folded cloth to him. “I stole these from the kitchen. Sweet buns.” She then extended a jar to him. “And this is healing salve for your bruises.”

Surprised, he took the offered gifts, unsure just how to respond to them.

“And lastly.” She pulled a large package she had been holding under her arm to give to him. “This is for you.”

He took a moment to pack the first two gifts in his saddle bags before taking the last, large package from her. “What is it?”

“Open it.”

He unwrapped the fabric to reveal an outfit. A kimono, overcoat, and scarf, all in sunshine yellow. A color as warm as her smile.

“Do you like it?” she asked.

As much as he tried, he couldn’t keep back a grin from his own face. She was too cute, too precious for her own good. “Yes.”

Instantly, her smile brightened. “I would have given it to you last night, but I had to finish up sewing it this morning. I’m just glad I finished it before you left. I would have been kicking myself forever if you’d left before I had the chance to give it to you.”

He couldn’t have that. Not her. Anyone else, he couldn’t have cared less, but he wanted to protect her from everything, even regret. “Thank you.” Those words left his mouth far too rarely, and she deserved to hear it more. The least he could do was grant them to her now.

Her smile grew impossibly wider. “You’re welcome.”

To show his appreciation, he dared to put on the scarf before packing away the other two items. It clearly pleased her, which always made him happy. He tried to never think too hard as to why that was.

Her smile soon faded, though. “Ieyasu.”

“Hm?”

“Will… will I ever see you again? Or… is this good bye forever?”

Oh, damn it. Don’t make that face. This was another reason he didn’t want her to see him off. Because he knew she’d get all misty-eyed and he’d be screwed.

He approached her, taking out a handkerchief to give to her. “Don’t cry,” he muttered.

She took it and dabbed her eyes. “I’m trying not to. I told myself last night to expect to never see you again. You’d never want to come back here, so why would I see you if I knew you’d stay as far away from here as you could? I told myself that, but I just… couldn’t help but ask in case… in case there was any hope that I’d see you again.”

Tears were running down her cheeks freely by now. And that little bit of water was enough to shatter his resolve to abandon her completely. He’d resolved to let her go. To leave this place and leave memories of her behind. But he couldn’t now.

He took her in his arms and slowly stroked her back, and she shoved her face into his chest, causing his heart to pound rapidly. “I… don’t know,” he said.

She sniffled. “Is that really the best answer you can give me? Because it’s okay if it is, but…”

He sighed, giving her a squeeze. She clung to him, sniffing hard, clearly in an attempt stop her tears that were already soaking through his kimono.

It’d be irresponsible of him to promise he’d return for her. To say he’d come take her away from this place. Because if he did come back, it would be with the intent to destroy this clan. She had to know that. She had to. And what would she think of him then? If he cut down her family, her father, and then approached her demanding to run away with him.

No, he… he was deluding himself if he thought she’d still take him so easily then.

“I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future,” he said. “So, I won’t bother making any promises I can’t keep.”

“Fair enough,” she relented, though that didn’t mean she let him go for a while.

And when she did, she wiped her tears one last time before handing him back the handkerchief. “Sorry. It’s a little wet.”

He looked down at it, a little embroidered symbol on the bottom corner. His name. “Keep it,” he said.

“But… I made this for you.”

“You made several of those for me,” he said, stepping away before he got any more ideas to stay and never let her go. “You can keep one in return for the outfit.”

Returning a gift she made you. That’s just insulting. But he couldn’t think of anything he else he could possibly give her in return as a thanks for everything she’d ever done for him.

She gave him a lopsided smile before clinging to the handkerchief. Stop being so cute, dammit! “Okay,” she whispered. “Maybe then you’ll come back for it one day?”

He swallowed hard. “I don’t know.”

She nodded. “Fair enough. Just know I’ll always hold out hope you will.”

“You might be disappointed,” he warned, getting on his horse to further distance himself from her before he gave into the desire to take her in his arms again or, even worse, throw her on the horse and kidnap her.

“I’ll take my chances.”

She was so stubborn, but that was one of the things he liked about her. “Good bye, Kisa.”

She smiled, but it was sad. That wasn’t the last smile he wanted to see from her, but he supposed that couldn’t be helped. “Good bye, Ieyasu. Safe travels.”

And with that, he turned his horse around and rode off, leaving behind the one thing he’d ever deemed important in his life.

…

Though he’d always sworn his revenge, he didn’t know when or even if he’d see it through. But now, far sooner than he’d believed, he marched through the hallways he’d once been imprisoned in. Lord Nobunaga, the leader of an ever-more powerful army that Ieyasu found beneficial to ally himself with, was marching by his side as they inspected the palace they’d only recently laid full siege to. They just had to ensure that the man they’d placed in power here was doing his job correctly.

As Ieyasu marched down the halls, he couldn’t help but recount his past. Of all the times he marched fearfully in these halls. And how now, though he knew he still wasn’t strong enough, he was finally strong enough to hold his head high as he traversed this unfortunately all-too-familiar territory.

His heart was hard as he strode along the hallways with Nobunaga. However, as he glanced out over the center gardens, he had to do a double take.

Because there, observing the flowers with a sad expression, was a face he never would have been able to forget.

“Ieyasu.”

Realizing he’d stopped walking and now had Nobunaga glancing impatiently back at him, Ieyasu hurried to catch up to his lord. “Sorry,” was all he said.

Nobunaga rose a brow, then looked out over the gardens, eyes landing on Kisa. He smirked. “Far be it from you to get caught up with a beautiful woman.”

Ieyasu grunted dismissively, hoping the heat of his face didn’t translate to a blush that could be seen.

Nobunaga quickly dropped the teasing in favor of marching onwards, and Ieyasu followed suit. Though, he’d be lying if he said his eyes weren’t drawn to Kisa for as long as she was in eyesight.

And maybe he just imagined it, but he swore she looked up just as he disappeared around a corner.

…

After the meeting, Ieyasu couldn’t stand it much longer. His heart had been a mess since the moment he’d seen her, and no matter what he told himself, the desperate need to see Kisa again wasn’t going away.

And he didn’t realize just how much that desperation showed on his face until he caught Nobunaga giving him an odd look again.

“Sorry,” Ieyasu quickly said, catching up to his lord who, he realized belatedly, was several paces ahead.

“You’re distracted. Why?”

“Nothing of importance.”

Nobunaga quirked a brow at Ieyasu, proving he didn’t believe it for a moment.

And Ieyasu knew it would be better just to come clean. “That girl… I knew her growing up.”

“And?” Nobunaga pressed. “That’s reason to be surprised to see her?”

“She was kind,” Ieyasu answered, wanting to give as little as possible. “That’s all.”

Slowly, Nobunaga grinned in amusement. “I will depart shortly, with or without you. Do whatever you need to do.”

To say Ieyasu was shocked was an understatement, but he also knew this chance his lord gave him was not one to be taken for granted. “Thank you.”

And with that, the two men parted ways.

Knowing she wasn’t in the gardens, he decided to check any place he thought Kisa could realistically be. Starting with her room.

He’d only been there once but knew the way by heart. That was the place he as a child swore would stay clear from to avoid a beating. But now, it was the best place to start.

And luck was on his side.

When he arrived, the first thing he saw was a handkerchief attached with string to the door. Normally, it would mean nothing to Ieyasu, except that his name was embroidered to the bottom corner. If that wasn’t an invitation for him, he didn’t know what else it could have been.

“Kisa?” he called out, and near instantly, the door flew open, revealing the face of the woman his heart never could let go.

In a flash, they found themselves in each other’s arms. Ieyasu clung to her as though she’d disappear any second, and he refused to let that happen.

“I knew it,” she whispered, voice warbly with tears. Her hands clenched his overcoat tighter, the one she’d made him all those years ago. “I knew you’d come back.”

Ieyasu didn’t have any words he could say and simply settled for squeezing her even tighter while a grin slowly grew on his face.

After a long while, they let each other go, but didn’t stray far. Ieyasu was loath to take his hands away from her completely. Though he did reach up to swipe her tears from her cheeks. “I’m glad to see you again,” he eventually said.

Her smile brightened, rivaling the sun. “I am, too. What are you doing here?”

“I made an alliance with the man who now owns this domain. We were here to observe how it was functioning.”

She simply nodded, her grin turning strained.

His smile faded. An apology sat on his lips, but he just couldn’t get the words to roll of his tongue. He wasn’t sorry for destroying the clan that had treated him so badly. He wasn’t sorry for taking over their domain. But, he was sorry that he had inadvertently hurt Kisa in the process.

In the end, he couldn’t get an apology off. Other words came tumbling out instead. “Has it been difficult for you here? Since…”

Her smile disappeared completely, and though Ieyasu felt that pain in his heart, there wasn’t anything he could do but let it sting him. “Yes and no,” she said. “No, your takeover hasn’t disrupted the lives of the townfolk or anyone here any more than to be expected.”

“I’m sorry.”

He wasn’t sure who was more surprised by those words: her or him.

However, she was the first to react, giving him an understanding grin, one soft yet pained. “You don’t need to apologize,” she assured. “I understand why you did what you did. And it would be unfair of me to get angry at you for it.”

Those words meant to soothe only pained him more. How could she be so understanding? To the point she didn’t hate him. To the point she could look at him with a smile still.

His cheeks felt warm, and he couldn’t resist the urge to pull her close and hug her again.

He didn’t deserve to so much as be on speaking terms with this woman. Yet he also had a burning desire to never let her go again.

“Have you been all right?” he eventually asked. “Since the siege?”

She sighed, and when she shook her head into his chest, his gut twisted uncomfortably. “My father arranged a marriage for me.”

Ieyasu’s jaw fell to the ground as he felt an ugly tightness searing in his chest. “What?”

She nodded, unable to meet his gaze. “He didn’t want me to be a maiden as we were taken over by a new power because he refused to have me be available to… well, be available for your lord to take, so he arranged a marriage for me. The man is on a trip for business now, though he said he would have been back by now and that as soon as he returns, we’ll be wed.”

Ugly, bitter feelings burned in Ieyasu’s gut. Like hell he was going to just let some man take her away when it was already clear as day that she was unhappy with the thought of marrying this man. So, even though he knew he was being impulsive and irrational, he really didn’t give a damn. “Get your things.”

Confusion flashed across her face. “What?”

“Don’t you want to come with me?” Ieyasu said. “Or do I have to kidnap you?”

Surprise quickly replaced the confusion. “You… you want to take me away?”

“You don’t want that?”

“No, I do.”

“Then go get your things. I’m leaving now, and you’re coming with me.”

Honestly, Ieyasu couldn’t stop those word from pouring out of his mouth, surprising even him. But he also can’t say he regretted them. He couldn’t leave her. He just couldn’t. Not again. She was too cute and precious and sweet and good for him to just walk away and leave her.

With a little coaxing, Kisa did eventually go into her room and pull out a bag to start packing her things in. Halfway through, she slowed. “Ieyasu.”

“Hmm?”

“I… I don’t mind, but are you taking me as a hostage? Or…”

“No.”

“Then…” She turned around to face him. “Just to escape this arranged marriage?”

She looked him in the eyes, and Ieyasu’s heart softened to the point he couldn’t deny the reason to either himself or to her. “I’ll marry you,” he said. “When we get back to Azuchi.”

Those words hung in the air, but as the began sinking in, Ieyasu began to truly imagine a future with her. One where they could spend time with each other freely without sneaking around. Yes, they wouldn’t spend every day together, but those days would be the exceptions when he had work as opposed to the permanent reality. The thought of being married to her, sharing a room and futon, building a family, spending the rest of his life with her at his side…

Yes. He could say he wanted all of that and found himself more than willing to fight for it.

Especially when she gave him a smile like that, her big, doe eyes a little misty but still gleaming brightly. “Really? You mean that?”

His heart was breaking slowly, and he was sure he wasn’t going to recover from this. “I do,” he said. “I know I’m not the strongest man you could find, and I’m busy often working for my lord. And I travel frequently between my domain and Azuchi, so I’d have to drag you with me. But I can provide well for you and keep you safe to the best of my ability.”

She giggled, and his gut tightened. He hadn’t realized how desperately he needed to hear that sound from her until now. “You certainly have a way with words. That was a very persuasive proposal,” she sarcastically said, smile still on her face.

He felt his cheeks heat up, quickly turning away with a grunt.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her walking over to him. That’s when he felt her hands on his cheeks, causing them to heat up even more as she turned his face back towards her. “Ieyasu,” she said, voice sweet and soft. “I never saw you as anything but very strong.”

His heart was racing by now, and words failed him completely. He couldn’t move his head, but he also couldn’t meet her eyes, glancing away.

“And if you really do mean it,” she said. “There’s nothing more I’d love than to become your wife.”

It wasn’t fair. Here he was proposing, yet he was also the one flustered beyond belief. She was there, being her sweet, precious, adorable self, willingly admitting she would love to become his wife, and yet, he found it nearly impossible to do anything more than stand there like an idiot.

Eventually, he pulled himself together enough to wrap her up in his embrace, cuddling her close to his chest while his heart pounded and his head spun. “I love you.”

His face was undoubtedly red now, and so he held her tighter so that she wouldn’t see how embarrassed he was to admit that. Yet, at those words, she clung to him tighter. “I love you, too, Ieyasu.”

And those words, in the end, were the words that made him absolutely adamant that he would never let her go again.

#fanfiction #ikemen sengoku #Ikemen ieyasu #ikesen ieyasu #fluff

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halothenthehorns · 3 years

Text

All in the Family

Chapter 18: The Man with Two Faces

The result of landing on concrete stairs would cause anyone's head to ring. Let alone after being teleported in the worst version of apparition ever, for what, the seventeenth time now? All while hearing about your kid from the future while you were dead. James felt lucky his head was still attached as he sat up, massaging his aching neck muscles and having to give a very bleary look to these, once again, new surroundings. He found them the least fantastic yet.

The stone stairs they'd landed on descended in a perfect square all the way to the bottom, the only lighting source flickering about was the black fire from the only doorway out of this room. It should have been a rather calm place, certainly not as terrifying considering some past rooms, but there was an echo of death in this one that only the unicorn before had housed. The promise they did not want to be in here.

Wobbling to his feet, he did a quick headcount and still found everyone present, and the book laying innocently on the floor. He was exhausted, and despite the multiple opportunities he'd been given to talk to Evans, and more importantly, this whole instance had forced Remus and Sirius to make up, he was more than ready for this to be over.

Despite being insanely curious who had been on the other side of Harry's door, he still paused in confusion of that chapter title. Two faces? Was that supposed to be a metaphor? He hated those.

"Ha!" Lily shouted at the top of her lungs, and despite being completely wrong and feeling every moment of it, he still paused to watch her rub it in. "I told every one of you miserable lots it wasn't my friend, and I was right! It was that sniveling coward in it all for the gold!"

"I never disagreed with you," Regulus informed her superior smirk, "he was a perfectly viable option." He didn't see why she found herself so smart not falling for the red herring of a villain, it had been fairly obvious if it wasn't Snape it was him, considering the idea someone else entirely had been running in and out of this castle to get that Stone was utterly ridiculous.

"You just agreed with a Muggleborn," Sirius stopped whatever he'd been doing along the stairs to instead stare at his brother like he'd declared himself such a thing. "Our mother would faint on the spot...I'm so proud!"

"Shut up Sirius," Regulus snapped at him at once. "If she's right, she's right, I don't see it happening again."

Lily's haughty expression only grew at still somehow being the butt of their jokes and stalked as far away from all of them as she could.

"Damn it Sirius, you're not helping," James sighed as he watched her storm off.

"I was trying to congratulate him being a decent person, sorry that didn't come across," Sirius shrugged without much concern as he went back to performing his spell on the stairs to find out what was really down here. This was supposedly the place where the Stone was being held all this time, Dumbledore's enchantment, how come nothing was happening to them being in here? Yet no matter what spell he cast or enchantment he tried to invoke, he found nothing to disarm, let alone anything out of the ordinary from this place.

James just went back to reading, and immediately noticed something odd. "Hey, he's not stuttering this time?"

"Thank goodness we never had to try reading much of that," Remus muttered as he stayed where he'd landed and kept rubbing at his abused ribs. "It would have been a disaster."

"No Moony, pay attention," Peter rolled his eyes, "why wouldn't he have a stutter anymore?"

It took a moment for his heavy eyes to focus, but after a few sluggish blinks it clicked in for everyone.

"Why would he fake such a thing?" Alice whispered, checking every shadow now to make sure he didn't burst out of here next.

"Perhaps that centaurs warning should have been taken with much more concern than we previously thought," Frank murmured, "and with a much more pressing time concern."

"Don't start that," Lily tried to fret while shifting uneasily on the spot, all wands still drawn and now pointed to every shadow. "Harry himself said You-Know-Who wasn't in here."

"The man would be hard to miss, even with Quirrell's absurd turban," James tried to agree despite his own unease. He felt the most defenseless, holding the book now and unable to properly hold his wand in his injured hand. He trusted his friends to cover him if anything happened, and he'd drop this in an instant to help, but for now he tried to quickly keep going, only to be stunned once again at the next revelation.

"Bless my soul," James breathed, looking like someone had just punched him in the gut. He searched for her just like always, and she finally met his eyes back, until he was the one to look away. Having to swallow past five years of solid hatred, he looked back and said sincerely, "I, guess I really was wrong about him."

Her brow remained creased, she didn't quite smile back, but for once there was something akin to recognizing he was talking to her without that superior tone she so hated, as if of course she should want to speak back.

"Now don't go spare on me Prongs," Black cut in, ruining the moment and returning her scowl to him at once. His voice still sounded a bit shotty and as painful as James' hand felt, but James couldn't imagine anything stopping Sirius talking long, least of all a plant. "He's still been a ruddy arse to Harry all year, plus those other kids! Someone needs to give him a good kick up the-"

"He went out of his way to save my kids life!" Potter defended at once, and it took a moment for Lily to fully process that. James Potter was defending her friend Sev. "I think that may mean he's not the totally irredeemable bug we found him." Well, in his own way.

Black looked to his other two friends for support, but both of them seemed more than happy to not pick sides on this.

James chose to keep going, and found his resolution wavering at once. Snape hated his kid, for what? Because of him? Was he really going to carry on a grudge to his kid? He knew if roles were reversed he certainly wouldn't like Snape's kid, but he'd never go out of his way to humiliate one like this teacher had been doing.

This was an idea he'd nurse at a later time, for now he was much more concerned with Quirrell doing wandless magic, and monologuing!

Protective instincts kicked in, and he was hardly paying attention to a word he was saying, only focused on the idea that Harry could die from this! Quirrell could have easily killed him by now, or take him off to You-Know-Who! He couldn't even bring himself to glance up, far too invested in this, to see that the others were just as concerned.

The mirror of Erised finally made Sirius stop his incessant checking of the room, they all froze for a moment at that! There must be some secret they were missing, no way would Dumbledore put something in place that showed your deepest desire, which in this case, would be where the Stone was!

Remus had to clear his throat hard past his confusion, but quickly stated, "there must be a trick to this we hadn't understood, it's Dumbledore after all! When's he ever done the obvious thing."

"You've far too much faith in that man," Lily told him, but there wasn't much derision in her voice. A lot of the teachers here had grated on her nerves, constantly not expelling the Marauders and all, and most recently their headmaster had even helped keep something under wraps that the Marauders had all been arguing about. That's all the school had worked out anyways, no matter how wild the explanations of this got.

Lupin's smile turned both relieved and genuinely enthusiastic for the explanation they all got. Black threw his head back laughing at once when Quirrell in fact stated the entire problem they hadn't considered.

"What he most desires is the use of the Stone, not the actual location, therefore he'll never find it," Regulus mused to himself out loud. "That's quite brilliant."

"I just wish the Mirror was in here again," Pettigrew sighed. "Why wouldn't it be?"

"Who knows, but considering you still haven't even told us what you'd see in there, it can't be that important," Black rolled his eyes.

Pettigrew gave him a little glare, then glanced at Potter quickly and waved him on to change the subject.

Quirrell transitioning into stating You-Know-Who had in fact been at the school during the time Harry had overheard him being threatened was possibly the scariest part yet. Their headmaster had still been at the school at that time, it seemed ridiculous You-Know-Who had gotten in at that time, right? Quirrell just kept going though, seemingly talking to himself, but then getting an answer. This was crazy, they were convinced everything was out to kill Harry Potter!

He now had the Stone in his pocket? Regulus at once took back what he said about brilliance, if the thing could just appear like that anyways! This kid had just been sentenced to death, they were all sure of that.

All of them, because no one wanted to hear of You-Know-Who murdering an eleven year old child, while sticking out of the back of someone's head!

None of them had ever actually seen You-Know-Who. He was a ghost story, the figure their parents spoke of that was trying their very lives, but inside the confines of this castle, they were safe from him. Now that illusion was ruined, they got more of an idea than they'd ever wanted of his features, his future.

"How is that thing possible!" Frank hissed backing as far away from that book as he could go. "Vapor! Even ghosts can't take over bodies of another!"

"If you find out, do let us know," Regulus murmured, unable to wrap his mind around the fearsome Dark Lord, the powerful bringer of their world, into this. A shadow of a creature, not even human. This was like magic of nothing he'd ever heard, it wasn't natural. Wasn't that the idea though, the promise he'd been offered, to go forward in life with one who had already conquered death. Was this the end of that quest?

He could still see the look in Bellatrix's eyes, the vivacious gleam as she told of her first duty as a Death Eater, serving the Dark Lord. She kept grabbing her arm in reverence, though never revealed what could be under her sleeve, she kept stroking the spot and promising him this could all be his as well very soon. Why should he have said no? Looking on at Sirius now, a mingled disgust and fury such a blight could exist, he honestly felt himself in that moment it was very clear what his answer should have been.

Yet this was no more easy an answer than not taking his cousins offer to go someplace special with her this summer. Because the Potter's had been murdered, and had apparently been nothing but weak willed saps about it the whole time. He'd rather die than be such a useless wizard, and serving the Dark Lord was the only way to make sure he fulfilled his life's roll.

"That's a lie!" Sirius thundered so loud, for a moment Regulus was sure the roof would cave in. "How dare he ever-" Lupin grasped his shoulder hard, Pettigrew was white knuckled and grasping Potter's elbow, who looked faint at his own words. Then as Harry shouted much the same, Potter still managing to keep going to see his kids reaction was all Regulus could think, the Dark Lord himself admitted he had not been telling the truth in that moment. Potter had fought back and what's more, the Muggleborn stood her ground to protect her young, which someone of lesser magic should never have been able to do. So what was the truth? How had the Dark Lord become this way? What was he agreeing to follow?

His mother would curse him if she heard he'd been asking all these questions, but this is why he'd never spoken such things aloud, he'd seen Sirius do this first. His father would be far more than disappointed hearing Regulus had been consorting with Muggleborns, even agreeing with one of them, and not defending the Dark Lord's will now as he bade Quirrell attack Harry and there was uproar all around. Instead he kept his silence, just like he always did, and chose instead to watch these events play out.

Lily found herself leaning against the wall, pale and shaking from hearing of a death now marked for her more vividly than ever. No distance in the world she put up would make hearing this any better, she'd be sacrificing her life for a child she had refused a connection to up until this point, she suddenly felt as cruel and heartless a monster as Voldemort. Alice was suddenly there, grasping her hands and promising her this wasn't set in stone, but Lily could picture it, now more than ever. Could no longer pretend she wasn't entertaining a future with a child in her arms, and a death for his future as surely as her own.

The struggle of Harry against Quirrell was terrible to listen to, the pain that child must have been feeling as his own scar seared him while he found the one way to harm his opponent echoed around this room as if they could still hear the screams. His, falling, his passing out, and Potter just stopping there, surely Harry had died, and You-Know-Who would rise again as if this were nothing.

"James?" Peter whispered, staying close and trying to offer all the comfort he could, but it felt like he wasn't even there. He just remained frozen, gaping down at the book and still pale as a ghost.

"Prongs," Sirius said forcefully, and that did snap him out of it, like only Sirius could. His head swung towards him, but his eyes remained unfocused.

"Harry he..."

"It's alright Prongs," Peter soothed, patting his shoulder and reaching forward like he was going to take the book, "we still have time to fix this, I'm sure Harry's death-"

"He didn't die," still slightly devoid of just a bit of sanity from hearing it all, James finally looked properly at all his friends. "There's still more left, he's going to be fine!"

Remus felt a bit concerned for his health, but Sirius was quick to play along. "Of course he is, he survived when he was a baby, right! Ten years later, bah, he'll walk away with another cool scar!"

"You're incorrigible," Peter grumbled to all of them, but James looked just slightly heartened and kept going, having to wait hardly at all to find Padfoot to be right.

"Ya hear that Evans? Hey, Lily? Harry's survived, he thinks Dumbledore's turned into a Snitch," Alice kept gently trying to coax a reaction out of the red head who seemingly went comatose.

The girls words did seem to put something back into her, she snorted in surprise and glanced back around her, finding Alice with the brightest most encouraging smile of anyone, and Frank waiting patiently for her to come back to her senses before offering, "there you go, see, Dumbledore did come and fix everything. I'm sure we were just being paranoid before thinking he set all this up." Well, he was clearly trying for comfort.

He was a big guy, broad shouldered with white blond hair and sharp blue eyes, but he always spoke in a soft, kindly voice as if afraid to startle anyone. Lily appreciated that right now. Whatever his goal, it had worked, Lily refocused her energy on a child she couldn't yet lay claim to no matter how attached she felt to him, and realized there was someone right now she could question. As soon as they got out of here, she'd have something to say to Dumbledore.

She held her tongue though, not really looking for another argument which she was sure she'd get from Lupin at least, the way he'd been defending the man of late. Instead she listened intently to the, informative, passage between Harry and Dumbledore in the hospital wing.

At least he started with the important information, that Quirrell was gone, and the Stone was safe. Potter seemed to have a hard time saying the words Harry had nearly died doing so, and finally Lily understood what he had seemingly grasped at once from all this. This was a child not yet born, but could someday exist. Why not, at least for now while traveling through his world, learn to understand him.

"The thing?" Regulus demanded, askance at once. That mirror itself had been a stupid explanation as far as he was concerned, genius indeed! If you left any room for it to be pulled back out by anyone but yourself than you were a fool! "He really did set all this up for that Potter kid to find out about all of this? Go down there and what, prove himself?"

"Don't be ridiculous," Lupin scoffed. "He's impressed Harry found out about Flamel, that's all. He would never try to get Harry dragged into this!"

"Sure seems that way," Frank disagreed as he thought back through it all. "That door was ridiculously easy to get through, those challenges certainly were easy for a bunch of first years, clearly the only problem You-Know-Who had was getting past Fluffy, though that admittedly was no one's fault, Hagrid seems a bit of a blabber mouth."

"Easy! Harry almost died there at the end, Dumbledore said it himself!" Potter fired right back.

"You-Know-Who being on the back of Quirrell's head was not part of the challenges, likely an unforeseen event at all, I'm sure the man's never had You-Know-Who slip into this school like that before, let alone at all."

"You're just looking for someone to blame because You-Know-Who nearly came back," Remus snarled. "Dumbledore's not a Seer, this isn't his fault, and Harry's a very nosy kid who got in and got lucky. Don't you put this on anyone else!"

"Okay," Peter cut in before anyone could return with something else. "We could argue about this all day, but for the love of Merlin, James is almost done. Can we please let him finish and go back to arguing about this in the real world."

Remus turned away, clearly thinking his point had been made, while Frank rolled his eyes heavily at such a daft idiot blindly following anyone. He wasn't saying Dumbledore was pure evil, but some accountability for the man who clearly had a plan from the beginning would be nice, having Hagrid pick that thing up in the first place right along with Harry Potter felt like no coincidence.

James was at least grateful to Peter for that, but was stunned stupid only a few moments later when again their headmaster encouraged Harry to call Voldemort by his name.

"But, why?" He wondered aloud, clearly only to his friends attention now, the other four were just shifting impatiently and waiting for this to be done rather than dwelling on something so ludicrous to them. He'd done it on a rare occasion when he was trying to prove something, but never so casually.

"Don't know, I suppose I've always done it out of habit," Sirius muttered. Now he thought about it though, Dumbledore was right. If they kept refusing to acknowledge the real name, they may even grow fearful enough to start flinching like twits along with everyone else, though thankfully the four of them had never delved that far into it.

James eyed that for a moment, before going on cheerfully through the rest of the conversation calling him Voldemort as well. Evans, Frank and Alice, looked at him like he'd gone nuts, but only shifted uneasily at something so unfamiliar happening right in front of them. Regulus was the only one who flinched, outright ducked like he expected someone to pummel him just for being in hearing range of this, but was ignored.

The idea of him coming back again, just in another body, was truly terrifying, and James certainly hoped that didn't happen until someone found a way to keep, Voldemort, as far away from Harry as it was possible to be. Dumbledore's statement was certainly helpful to him, he'd set out himself to make sure he never full returned!

Then Harry asked a really good question, why him, why the Potters? Sadly he cursed Dumbledore's name colorfully for the lack of response, earning a glare from Moony but not much else. He certainly hoped Harry lived to be old enough to hear the answer.

At least it was explained what exactly had gone on with Harry and Quirrell's inability to lay hands on him. His voice went soft, he dared not look to Evans, but no matter his mind telling him otherwise his eyes betrayed him and he glanced over to her.

Her face was impassive, and though she'd been trying not to show it, James had seen hints the past few times she was growing to care for at least the idea of Harry. He couldn't tell now what this had done for it, but he certainly hoped she didn't find it as repulsive anymore, that was his kid, their kid! And she was his saving grace, the reason they were getting this experience! He'd be sobbing and bouncing off the walls in her place, sadly all he got for his efforts was more questions in wondering why he couldn't have done that for her and Harry.

Dumbledore stating he'd left his Invisibility Cloak in anyone's possession was laughable to him right now, but no matter the circumstances of that he was just happy it had somehow landed where it was supposed to with Harry. Considering he was feigning any knowledge of it right now though, he couldn't do more than exchange meaningful looks with his friends, but couldn't quite get all the way past it.

"Snuck down to the school kitchens eh? Thought you didn't have this thing now," Alice frowned at him.

"I don't," James shrugged as carelessly as he was capable of. He was fairly good at it when not confronted by Evans. "Must get it in the next year or so, looking forward to that at least!"

He did not appreciate Harry asking about Snape's hatred, terrified it would erupt something between Remus and Sirius again, but Dumbledore's answer was very thankfully diplomatic, and the two simply shifted awkwardly but seemed able to make no more fuss about it. James honestly just hoped it would never come up again, he didn't like the calculating look he caught on the other group.

"You, saving Snivellus' life!" Peter thankfully broke the tension by bursting out laughing, and thankfully only the three of them knew it as his too high pitched, nervous giggle while trying to shield something. "You'd sooner snog the man!"

"As if I needed more nightmares Wormtail," James made a disgusted face at him while giving him a grateful smile and loudly moving on.

Ron and Hermione's entrance was a bit adorable, they were all happy those kids made it out as surely as Harry. Harry and Hermione's conversation about Dumbledore's desire to have all this happen certainly wasn't helping the tension though, so James quickly moved past that, and the news of a Quidditch defeat as that would make no one feel better, and found himself genuinely touched at what Hagrid did for Harry.

"That is the best gift ever!" Sirius whispered, his eyes gleaming with want right now. He'd love to get his hands on that photo album, see pictures of them in their future, proof of Evans and James' wedding for one.

His best mates small smile completely agreed, the four of them already knew they couldn't hold a grudge for what Hagrid had unintentionally done to Harry, this gift more than made up for everything, even the dragon, Sirius grudgingly decided.

"You have got to be kidding me!" Alice's brows shot up in absolute outrage when the End of Term feast held Dumbledore giving points to those kids. She'd clung to disbelief through all three, surely Dumbledore really wasn't doing this.

"I think it's sweet," James chuckled. "Harry deserves a reward for saving the world from, Voldemort, and he would have gotten those points if he'd played Ravenclaw anyways."

"He lost those points because he was sneaking out of bed at night, nothing to do with the Stone!" Frank protested.

"At least they only tied Slytherin for the cup, and didn't outright, oh, never mind," Regulus rolled his eyes heavily as Dumbledore and Potter finished.

Alice and Frank wanted to still be mad, they honestly understood why Slytherin would feel snubbed for this happening, but at the same time they couldn't hide a beaming pride Neville got those last points, that their kid stood up for his house like that. It really made them understand why the Marauders were hooting and high-fiving Harry's accomplishment, even if they held themselves back from doing the same.

Potter's mood sobered at once, all of them feeling downcast this was ending with something as depressing as Harry having to go back to those Muggles who didn't deserve to have such a kid in their presence.

James found himself finishing the last pages with a spring in his voice though, an honest feeling of hope. He'd take the information given in this, and the first thing he'd do when he got back was see to it this didn't have to be his future.

#Harry Potter #Fanfiction #James Potter #Remus Lupin #Sirius Black #Peter Pettigrew #Marauders #Wolfstar #Regulus Black #Frank Longbottom #Alice Smith

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i-dream-of-twilight-sparkle · 3 years

Text

Chapter 26 - Starlight’s Mother, Part 2 - Why Did Firelight Keep Her A Secret?

*THUNDER BOOM*

The storm rages on, and may be even picking up further intensity. But the group outside is absolutely affixed on the sight of Starlight’s Mother. Many with their mouth agape and concerned faces, especially after she had just mentioned that she had been murdered. Talking with her is going to be perhaps one of the darkest, and most serious conversations they’ve ever been in or listened to.

Firelight’s loud scream has attracted the attention of Sunburst and his Mom, they run up while both are holding umbrellas with their magic to see what’s going on and are immediately affixed on the sight of the glowing spirit. Stellar Flare actually somewhat recognizes her, though she didn’t know that she was Starlight’s Mother.

Sunburst: Just what is going on here?!

Stellar Flare: (I… feel like I’ve seen her before… do I know her?)

*THUNDER BOOM*

Twilight: I… think it’s about time we head into Firelight’s house for shelter against the storm… then we can start talking to Sunset about… well… a lot of stuff, to be frank…

The group now joined by Sunburst and Stellar Flare head into Firelight’s house, the only one not coming in quite yet… is Firelight himself… who is still too upset about learning that his wife has been dead. He eventually does just manage to slowly pick himself up and walk into his house along with the rest.

Starlight lights the fireplace to heat up the room and help dry everypony who got soaked in the storm, as everypony shakes off the water in their manes and tails. Sunset sits in the center of the room, naturally as she’s going to be answering a lot of questions. Everypony starts to settles down, except for Firelight who still can’t help himself from being upset about the fate of his beloved wife he weeps in the corner of the room constantly as the rest of the group prepares to speak with Sunset. Starlight then gets to asking Twilight what she knows.

Starlight: Twilight, you somehow knew my mother’s name as soon as you saw her… mind telling me how?

Twilight: Of course, your mother is none other then Sunset Shimmer… Celestia’s protege before me. Celestia told me all about her for the first time after a private talk with her and Luna when I was gathering invitees to the ball.

Starlight: WHAT?! Celestia had a protege before you… and she was my mother?!

Starlight turns to the spirit of Sunset

Starlight: Is… is this true… mother?

Sunset simply nods, and Starlight finally has the epiphany she’s been waiting for her whole life.

Starlight: Oh my gosh… that’s why… that’s why I’ve had so much raw magical power! My mother happens to be the only other pony’s whom’s magic power has captured Celestia’s attention! But wait… if you’re dead... were you killed in a battle with a foe while on the job... and thus Celestia had to unfortunately find a new student?

Sunset: You’re half right… I was killed in a battle… though if it were while I was still her student, there certainly would of been a very publicized funeral... But I had actually stepped down a decent while before then… so I could eventually live with your father and raise you… When I went up to the soul shield… I was so upset that I was never going to get that chance…

Sunset starts tearing up, looks like spirits can cry too. Though a spirit’s tears is more like little sparkles that simply fade once they hit the ground.

Starlight: Mother… you stepped down from a pretty secure role… where you could of possibly became a Princess of Equestria… just so you could raise a family…? Just so you could raise… me…?

Sunset nods once again

Sunset: Most of my life, I relished my role as Celestia’s protege. I felt like I was the coolest pony around in my teenage years… taking down the bad guys… being sent on missions on behalf of the Princess… the kind of spells I was able to perform… and even the possibility of eventually reaching a major position of power one day. I loved being Equestria’s premier hero so much, I started collecting a sort of information database on all the most wanted villains to get an edge on all of them. Reading up about past ones that had a danger of coming back, ones that were on the loose at the time, and any potential new threats in the future.

But… as I got older… keeping an eye on so many criminals and evildoers also put a target on my back… it was hard to make many meaningful friends when getting too close to me would only put them in danger. And as I reached adulthood, I felt a want to escape from it all, relax, and raise a family. I met your father sometime late in my teenage years, it was generally alright to go see him because Sire’s Hollow… at least at the time… was a pretty obscure place.

We got married not too long after I became 21 years old, and… when I was pregnant with you a few years later, Starlight… it finally came time to inform Celestia I wanted to step down. Continuing to be Celestia’s protege would of just simply endangered you and your father’s life.

But… once I had given birth to you… I know there was still one more danger I had to deal with before I could retire once and for all.. a family of 3 anarchists… who were threatening to steal the magic from Equestria for themselves or even get rid of all magic if the former wasn’t possible… so once my body mostly recovered from giving live birth in the very house we’re in right now… I set out within 2 weeks… and I’m not even sure I lived to see a 3rd week…

Starlight: So… you’ve really been dead for just about the whole time you were missing…

Firelight just breaks down

Firelight: Why… why did this have to happen…?! We were so close… to just having time for ourselves! *sniff*

Sunset: I’m so sorry, Fi-Fi! I didn’t think I was going to die! I got too overconfident that this last job wasn’t going to be that dangerous… the three anarchists I fought weren’t like a particularly strong entity… they were just a family of ponies…

Starlight: Can you recall their names?

Sunset: …I’ve been trying… but… for some reason I’m drawing a blank… to be frank, I can’t even recall how I died at the moment…

The entire group inside gasps

Starlight: What?! I would think the moment of death, and especially the names of murderers would be like… the one thing every spirit remembers most vividly!

Sunset: I don’t quite get it either… but I think at the very least it’s possible for something to jog my memory… all I can remember right now is that while I died myself… I believe 2 of the 3 anarchists I was chasing went down with me. I’m also drawing a blank on what happened to the 3rd, but if nothing else it looks like despite dying in the process. I was generally successful in my mission of making sure they weren’t able to do anything. Otherwise Equestria would be a magicless hellscape right now… that at least gives me some relief…

Starlight: How come no bodies were ever recovered? Of either you or the anarchists you were fighting that died too?

Sunset: I think where I confronted them, it was a pretty abandoned or at least a very low populated area… and if there’s one thing I feel like I can just vaguely recall about my death… I have this sense that I was falling at one point… off a cliff near an ocean… it’s possible that our bodies just ended up in the ocean… and hungry water predators like sharks picked off any remaining trace of me and the anarchists that died…

Starlight: Well… I guess if that’s all we’re going to get about your death until something jogs your memory… perhaps we should continue talking about back when you were alive. I’ll repeat that you were Celestia’s student… and you gave that away to raise me… that’s… a lot to take in…

Firelight looks at Starlight, and finally starts confessing why he’s kept quiet for so long about her mother.

Firelight: *sniff* The fact she was Celestia’s student… was why I was so adamant about not telling you who was your mother… *sniff* *sob* Do you remember that spell book of advanced magic that was the catalyst for your magic freakout that got you your cutie mark?

Starlight: Yes?

Firelight: That was your mother’s spell book…

Starlight gasps

Firelight: Because my wife led such a dangerous life… I thought you gaining your cutie mark through her spellbook meant you were destined to follow in your mother’s footsteps to become Celestia’s student… but I didn’t want you to go down that path… if you had known who your mother was, and especially after getting your cutie mark… you might of went straight to Canterlot to claim yourself as Celestia’s Student through a sense of birthright…

I had dealt with enough drama from this while I was with your mother… I pleaded several times during our relationship that she step down… and when she finally did… I felt like we were going to be free at last… *sniff* but then she went missing, and as we know now… she died… *sob* but I held onto vain hope for years that she was still alive and would some day come back… *sniff*

But the longer she never came back… the more it convinced me that I shouldn’t tell you. For fear… that… you’d disappear too… *sniff*

More tears stream down from Firelight’s eyes

Starlight: Father… So… you never told me who she was… to protect me?

Firelight nods while still tearing up. Starlight lowers her head, regretting at least some of the treatment she’s given him for never telling her about her mother.

Starlight: Oh gosh… I take back everything I ever said to you when I yelled at you about her… you probably would of been right that I’d go down that path because I would of immediately wanted to go to Celestia’s school for Gifted Unicorns back then... Sunburst did, I would of certainly made it too… and if I had known Sunset was my mother… I might of also been compelled to take her place… and might of even challenged Twilight to a duel for the position at some point…

I suppose you still made some mistakes by this resulting in my deep hatred for Cutie Marks being driven deeper… because if I had gone to the school I would of been able to reunite with Sunburst… perhaps I could of come around on Cutie Marks…

But… ultimately, you were just being a protective father... You didn’t want to see me get hurt, or go missing like Mom did… I wish at the very least you could of hired maybe a babysitter to keep me company rather then making me spend my entire childhood stewing about cutie marks, never having a mother figure, and more… but I now understand your motivation for hiding her name from me at last… cause there would of bound to have been records somewhere of who she was that I would of found, and how instantly compelled I might of been to go down a path you were afraid of…

Starlight tears up

Starlight: I’m so sorry… I understand now… you’re not such a bad father after all…

Starlight walks up to her father to hug him. After being so upset since finding out of his wife’s fate, he finally gets a little bit of happiness in at least somewhat reconciling with his daughter. The rest of the group giving d’awwws and/or crying joyous tears.

After letting go, Starlight decides to ask a question that’s now very possible to get an answer from both her parents.

Starlight: Is it alright… if I may ask what the day of my birth was like?

Sunset smiles

Sunset: One of the greatest days of my life… it was quite painful at first, of course… Sire’s Hollow unfortunately didn’t have a true hospital, at least at the time, and my water had broke far too early for me to get to a hospital without you likely being born while on the way there. Luckily, your father had some medical knowledge and was able to get me through.

I eventually saw you as an adorable pinkish purple foal with a darker purple mane and tail with light blue highlights... couldn’t help but notice just how much of your father’s genes got passed down to you appearance-wise... and at the same moment I got to see you with my own eyes for the first time... I briefly looked out the window and noticed how pretty the stars outside at night were, I couldn’t help but have been inspired by the sky to give you your first name...

Firelight: And I had talked with your mother beforehand about how fun it’d be for our foal to have a last name to rhyme with hers, if we had a daughter

Sunset: And thus, you… Starlight Glimmer… was born.

Fluttershy: That’s so cute…

The group takes a moment to smile about the nice story about the day Starlight was born as a brief breather from the rather serious subjects that have come out from meeting Sunset. Though Twilight asks a rather important question.

Twilight: I don’t mean to bring seriousness back just as we talked about Starlight’s birth. But Firelight, when it seemed like Sunset was missing for a while… did you even try to spread the word for a search?

Firelight raises a hoof about to speak, but then Sunset answers for him

Sunset: I told him not to before I left, Princess Celestia must of told you I wanted out of the spotlight as much as possible once I had stepped down, right? A national search for me would of made that harder, plus Fi-Fi didn’t know I had died not even more than an hour ago.

Firelight: Yes... right to the end, even if at some point it become more so about preferring to be blissfully unaware what had happened to her… I wanted to respect what she told me to do before she disappeared...

Twilight: Ah, alright… speaking of Princess Celestia though. I actually wonder if I should bring her real quick... I bet she’d love to see you again, Sunset. Would you be alright with that?

Sunset nods

Sunset: Go on ahead, Twilight. I’d absolutely love to see her again as well. It’s probably important she finds out what happened to me, anyway.

Twilight: Alright… I’ll be back with the Princess. Hang tight while I get her...

((Story continues after the break))

Twilight pulls out another piece of portal gum back to the Saddle Arabia palace. And eventually finds Celestia in the halls, and immediately gallops up close

Twilight: Princess Celestia! I have something urgent to tell you...

Celestia: *gasp* Twilight... What is it? Are any ponies in danger?

Twilight: No, nothing like that… but rather a mixture of good news and bad news…

Celestia: What’s the good news?

Twilight: We found Sunset Shimmer...

Celestia goes wide-eyed and smiles

Celestia: That’s fantastic news! So she is still ali…

Twilight: I’m afraid I’m going to have cut you off there, because unfortunately… we found her via spirit summoning… Sunset Shimmer… happened to also be Starlight’s missing mother... And she died shortly after she disappeared...

Celestia’s heart sinks, her hopes dashed of her previous protege being ok almost immediately. Celestia’s cranes her neck lower, her eyes immediately welling up in tears.

Celestia: No… I should of known… I feared this was the case a while ago…even if she wanted to get out of the spotlight… I know it’d be hard for her to avoid everypony that might recognize her… For somepony to be missing for that long without being noticed… it was never a good sign…

And… Starlight Glimmer… was her daughter the whole time…?

Twilight nods

Celestia: It’s… no wonder then she had such raw power, when I had never even heard of her before you met her… Twilight, please let me have a moment of silence and grief for my departed former protege…

Twilight nods to let Celestia have a brief moment to her own thoughts, knowing now how special Sunset was to her. Celestia just sits down for a moment to grieve, even with Spirit summoning possible. It’s nonetheless upsetting to hear somepony died, especially somepony who was only about in her mid-20’s and also somepony Celestia was quite proud of. But soon she stands back up, flares her majestic wings, and she gives Twilight a determined face.

Celestia: I must go see Sunset again... Please, take me wherever her spirit was summoned…

Twilight nods, walking back to the portal she left back into Firelight’s house. Soon Twilight has returned with Princess Celestia. Celestia looks around the room seeing the other Elements of Harmony, the Cutie Mark Crusaders, Starlight Glimmer and her father, as well as Sunburst and Stellar Flare. Until she finally sees Sunset’s spirit. She approaches Sunset with a solemn look on her face.

Celestia: Sunset… I am… deeply saddened to learn you died a long time ago… were… you killed amidst a battle with the anarchists you were chasing after…?

Sunset: Yes, Princess… I was killed while fighting them most likely. I’m still trying to jog my memory on the exact circumstances of my death. I’m even having a hard time recalling the names of them. But I should also say, that one of the vague details I can share is 2 out of the 3 also died, though who or what happened to the 3rd is still something I need to recall. So my death wasn’t entirely in vain, I imagine I did just enough to stop them from whatever they planned to do. Since it seems like Equestria was fine in between my death and Twilight became your new student.

Celestia: It’s still so awful to see it came at a terrible price… I hoped you had simply succeeded and you were living the peaceful family life you wanted… it’s a shame you may have never gotten it...

Sunset: I wouldn’t say I didn’t get it at all… while I was pregnant with Starlight I kinda had to sideline myself once it kind of became risky to move too far. So at least for a short while, I got to experience a more normal life… even if of course that was cut short not long after Starlight is born… I guess from the perspective of that I really wanted to be a mother… then yes, I never really got to have all I wanted to do…

Sunset turns to Starlight

Sunset: I really wish I had gotten to be there for you during your childhood. If I had survived my battle with the anarchists, I fully planned on being there for you everyday for when Fi-Fi was at work.

Starlight slightly tears up and smiles

Starlight: I’m happy to hear that, mother… that would of made such a difference on my life...

Firelight: A little late I know, Starlight… but I thought I may as well also give the reason I never hired a babysitter... I had of course been still holding onto hope that your mother was still alive the whole time… I also feared that if she was still around like I optimistically thought… especially when it became years that she was missing… that your mother would of been heartbroken after she might of thought I moved on and married somepony else if she were indeed still alive and came back to the house only to find another mare taking care of you...

Starlight: I guess that’s an understandable reason, there are such thing as babysitters who are stallions that might of been able to avert that, but just not nearly as common as mares. Though if I may slightly change the subject to a more lighthearted note, I notice my mother keep calling you Fi-Fi. Is that just a cute nickname she came up with?

Sunset tilts her head and smiles

Sunset: Pretty much. Your father liked to call me Shimmy, and I wanted to have my own nickname for him. And we settled on Fi-Fi.

Starlight: *giggles* I guess my father has always liked nicknames. He’s called me Pumky-wumpkins or Sugarplum for as about as long as I can remember. Though they don’t seem to be quite as name related as your nicknames for each other

Sunset laughs, and looks at Starlight with a smug face.

Sunset: Hahahaha! Was it really? I’m pretty sure both of those were in potential REAL names he proposed before you were born. You were lucky I vetoed both of them, ehehehehe!

Firelight sheepishly smiles, Starlight just cringes.

Starlight: ….Yeeeeeeah I can’t imagine what it’d be like if Pumky-Wumpkins was actually my name… Sugarplum may have it at least made some sense given my mane is mostly purple. But I still like what actually became my name so much more.

Celestia smiles at the lighthearted conversation

Celestia: That makes me a little happier that you indeed got to have such cherished family moments like picking a name for your foal. I can’t help but feel regretful however... in order to honor your years of service and to make sure you last mission went smoothly, I should have accompanied you... There’s no way those three would of stood a chance against us both.

Sunset: Perhaps, but… these 3 weren’t some superpowered villains. For the most part I’m pretty sure they were average ponies, maybe I can vaguely recall one of them being a decent unicorn but otherwise in a 1-on-1 duel, I would of wiped the floor with them. I faced tougher odds plenty of times. I didn’t think I would of needed the help, guess a little overconfidence was my downfall.

Celestia: I guess so, sadly… at least I got to meet your lovely daughter that was within you as you stepped down…

Sunset goes wide-eyed surprised Celestia knew she was pregnant then

Sunset: You knew I was pregnant then?! That was still pretty early in my pregnancy…

Celestia: I noticed you were nervously rubbing your belly during our last conversation. Maybe at first I thought you just had a full meal. But given you talked to me so much about wanting to raise a family, I sort of put the pieces together.

And I felt it probably would be a better life for your foal for you to take care of it, you took care of Equestria for most of your life. I knew you’d likely raise a good child, and before I found Twilight first... I was thinking of maybe waiting for your child to be old enough to go to my school...

Starlight gasps

Starlight: Wait, you considered to have me as your next student?!

Celestia: That was my plan at first during the period between Sunset stepping down when I met Twilight. This was before I had that dream after bringing Spike’s egg to Equestria, Twilight became Plan A after she hatched Spike. But if that had fallen through in any number of ways, or if I couldn’t quite find a student to hatch the egg quick enough if Twilight failed to hatch it too. I would of gone out to search for you myself, and hope to convince Sunset to let you try to hatch the egg instead. There’s no guarantee that you would of been able to hatch it, but it’s very possible had Sunset lived and Twilight hadn’t become my student. Starlight would be in Twilight’s position right now.

Starlight: Dang… So I could of been the ruler of Equestria in a year right now if the right chips fell…

Starlight sits down while lowering her head thinking of what could have been. Twilight notices Starlight’s reaction to hearing this, ponders for a moment, and then give her a gracious offer.

Twilight: You know Starlight… I could always make you my student again… if… if… you kind of want to give ruling Equestria a shot. I’d still have a lot to teach you about doing so. But I wouldn’t mind having a co-ruler at some point. As I have thought about the strain of moving both the sun and the moon every day.

Starlight perks up at Twilight’s offer. She feels like she may have some slight interest after learning she’s the daughter of somepony else who could have very well succeeded to the throne, but with mysteries still surrounding yet to be answered about her mother. She decides not to make a complete decision just yet.

Starlight: I’ll… have to think about that. It’s already a huge enough honor that I’ll be succeeding you as Principal of the School of Friendship. I’d… be kind of scared a precedent would be set that every Principal of that School becomes a ruler of Equestria if I ended up co-ruling with you *giggles* But… if I have an answer… I’ll go and see you…

Meanwhile, Sunset is surprised but also kind of proud hearing that her daughter had been a student of a Princess too.

Sunset: You were Twilight’s student at one point? I see that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. We were both students of Princesses! How did it end for you?

Starlight: I just had a graduation ceremony after Twilight had decided I had learned enough about friendship, and I was left to do what I wanted for a little while. I don’t think Twilight putting me under her wing originally was intent on making me Princess one day. More so that I learn the values of Friendship personally from her.

Though after I sort of graduated, I would later get employed again under Twilight when she started the School of Friendship, when I decided to become the school’s counselor. Kinda funny… at some point I became so dedicated to counseling I would have an alert for whenever a student knocked at my door. To the annoyance of my friend, Trixie. Mom, when you said that you were dedicated to keeping track of criminals even at the expense of having anything resemble a normal life. I realized that may have been another trait I inherited from you…

Sunset: Certainly sounds like it, doesn’t it? Hope you didn’t get all of my rather flawed traits, I… did kind of have a temper back in the day.

Starlight sheepishly smiles remembering all the time she’s expressed rage whether it was before she was reformed, when she had to bottle up anger at Trixie, when she most recently yelled at her father, etc.

Starlight: Er… I kinda have that too…

Starlight sheepishly smiles

Sunset: Oh well… at least that means we can sympathize with each other!

Celestia smiles hearing the conversation and decides to ask Sunset for a favor.

Celestia: This has been a nice conversation with you and your daughter. But may I ask you for something?

Sunset: What is it, Princess?

Celestia: I’d like... to give you a hug real quick, or at least… I hope the cosmos counted us as close enough to do so.

Sunset smiles

Sunset: Of course, Princess. I’d love that. And we better count, or else some how some way... I’m gonna get somepony to file a lawsuit against the Grim Reaper!

The whole room giggles thinking about a lawsuit against death itself. But Celestia and Sunset approach eachother close, Celestia puts a hoof around the back of Sunset’s neck, lowers her head and smiles.

The hug is successful. Sunset hugs back a little by wrapping a hoof behind one of Celestia’s tall, slim front hooves.

Pinkie: *giggles* The Reaper doesn’t have to worry about a lawsuit now!

Starlight: Hey! How about a hug for me too, Mom!

Firelight: Me three, Shimmy!

Sunset: Of course, Starlight and Fi-Fi!

Sunset and Celestia let go of each other so Sunset can proceed to have a small group hug with her family that lasts a good while. When they break off the hug, Sunset goes a little extra and surprises Firelight with a kiss.

Firelight: Even as a spirit, your kisses are the best, Shimmy…

The rest of the group just has been d’awwing all over the place for the heartwarming moment. Though as much as the ponies were enjoying these happy moments, there were still mysteries about Sunset left to uncover.

Twilight: I don’t wish to ruin the moment, but I feel like we should soon get some sort of lead so we can help Sunset uncover more of what happened. I don’t want to leave without uncovering who was responsible for Sunset’s death or at least get to finding some clues.

Sunset and Starlight nod, and Stellar Flare suddenly walks up to the front.

Stellar Flare: I… might have something… because… I think somehow I know you, Sunset… but I can’t place my hoof on why…

Sunset takes a look at Stellar and gives a surprised look. She’s been focused too much on talking with her family for the first time ever since she died, talking with her daughter for the first time in particular, and then also reuniting with Celestia to notice any others in the room she recognized

Sunset: I think I know you too! Weren’t you… my older brother’s wife?

Stellar Flare goes wide-eyed

Stellar Flare: YOU’RE Sunspot’s younger sister?!

Starlight, Trixie, and Sunburst give heavy gasps. Being Starlight’s mother wasn’t the only mystery found out about Sunset today. And it looks like there is still plenty more to go.

UP NEXT: Chapter 27: Starlight’s Mother, Part 3 - Where Did She Die?

#Secrets Of The Dragon's Tear #Sunburst #Stellar Flare #Twilight Sparkle #Genie #Starlight Glimmer #Sunset Shimmer #Firelight #Fluttershy #Princess Celestia #Celestia #Spirit Summoning

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midnight-lightning · 4 years

Text

Missed Calls

Bucky barnes x Reader

Warning: Character's death, Desperation, Sadness (hopefully)

You opened your eyes and had no idea where you were.

It was dark, however a small amount of moon light that fell through the small space in between the curtains enlightend your room a little.

Then you smelled the bitter scent of alcohol and the peaceful moment between sleep and awakening crashed down, returning the painful memories and headache all at once again.

You didn't remember how you had reached your bed yesterday, if you had even reached it at all or if Steve had to carry you back in your room, after you had fallen asleep somewhere else again, which had happened too often these last time.

But on the other side you could also remember that you in fact didn't get the chance to get drunk as you planned because Steve that ass of a friend had taken your bottle of wine away immediately after he noticed the red glass in your hand.

He didn't know it had already been your second.

Or was it your third?

Either way the thought made you grin a little even for moment.

Yes, you weren't drunk, but god you wished you were, not to feel this endless pain anymore...

If you'd only knew where Steve hid Tony's supplies...

You stood up but midst your movement you lingered. Your eyes went back down to your phone which was frantically clung in your right hand.

Your damn phone... in the last days it had probably become your most hatred and simultaneous your most treasured belonging.

It had been one month already... it felt like a whole life time.

You dropped your head back into the pillow, pulling the blanket above your head.

The sudden bright light of your phone made you close you eyes in pain but you didn't need to see the screen of your phone anymore.At least five times at day, five times at night, sometimes even more often depending on how you felt.

That's why your fingers had already automated every movement to find the right page and press the right number in your contact list.

You held your eyes shut when you brought the phone up to your ear, feeling your heart bumping through your chest, the sick feeling rising again in your throat.

And even though you've done it nearly a hundred time somehow you still flinched when the first ringtone chimed in.

One time ...

A second time...

A third time...

By know you had gotten to the point where you just wanted to throw up or just punch anything, anyone. Or both.

The fourth time...

After the fifth time and as always exactly 25 seconds-

"Hello?"

Your heart stopped.

"Here is Bucky Barnes and ... I'm not available right now, so - leave a message? Yes... good bye. Why are you laughing, Steve?"

"I'm not laughing!"

You could hear Bucky sighting, then he chuckled and then it seemed like he was saying something else but it was cut off by the beep, signalising to speak on the mailbox.

Your heart ached by the sound of his voice, his little laugh.

The memory of that day suddenly flooded into your mind, when you and Steve finally convinced him to make his own mailbox and honestly it was one of the cutest memories you had of him.

The chuckle at the end was because of something you said and he had given you THIS smile, the smile you adored, the smile you would do anything to see again.

You didn't cry. Though you wanted, you felt like crying, but you guessed by now even your tears were tired.

Suddenly you realised you'd waited way too long to say something now and all at once you got angry with yourself.

With an annoyed huff you pressed the hang-up button and kicked your sheets off with your feet's before you sat up straight in bed.

What were you doing...

It's in the middle of the night, you should be sleeping, and not calling someone who will never even hear the messages, yet alone would pick up the phone ever again.

This is pathetic. So pathetic.

Sitting on your bed you opened the curtains - a little bit too forceful.

Shining down at you was the moon in its full beauty, somehow you got the feeling it was watching you in full judgement.

You weren't blind, nor deaf if all. You saw the worry in their eyes, the whispering when they thought you couldn't hear, and above all there was the pity.

This goddamn Pity. God, how you hated it.

He was the man you loved, not only with your heart but with your soul and your whole being.

But no matter how much you suffered, how much you felt like your heart is being ripped apart again and again every time you look behind only to see an empty place.

No matter thow often the thoughts of a future without him hurt so damn much - you weren't the only one who was in pain.

Right now nearly every single person in the whole world is experiencing the feeling of loss, grief and pure desperation in a completely new way.

The world it broken and honestly you saw barely any hope for the future. Thanos made sure of that.

And No matter how often Steve brought one of his speeches about hope, destiny, solidarity and never failing to mention 'moving on' at least three times, even he had moments in which he broke down. Felt like giving up.

You could see it in his eyes, he was broken, he felt like he let them down, the whole world, every single human being, his best friends.

So yeah, every lonely night you find yourself here in this room, staring up to the sky, talking to Bucky on your phone. Because even if he's gone forever, he was an for ever will be your pillar, your anchor.

You're telling him what's going on in the world, what you had done this day, how Steve keeps up in this mess, trying to help people, Natasha never giving up and that there still wasn’t any news about Tony, if he’s still alive or long gone like all the other.

But tonight was none of this times. Somehow you felt a strange emptiness when you stared up at the pale moon, pleading for answers or some help.

But like always the moon stayed silent.

"I-I honestly don't even know what to say anymore. I just wanted to-" you began suddenly, your voice sounded hoarse."To hear your voice again...

Steve said what I'm doing isn't right, that I should try and let go... 'move on' like he expressed."

You let out a dry laugh.

"Honestly I think it's the only words he said in the last time. But Buck I- I can't. I can't let you go. Just like that. You, I-I don't know. I just miss you. So damn much." The last part was only a whisper, barely hearable.

His death had broken something inside of you and you knew I'd would never heal again.

And Bucky was the only thing that could put you back together.

"Listen. I don't care if people say I'm crazy that I'm talking to you, to the moon, to what ever is there... but maybe you do hear me. Wherever you are. I know this wouldn't be what you wanted for me. Sitting here, crying like a little kid. And you have no idea how angry I am with my self that there's nothing I could do. Nothing. I'm constantly thinking of all the possibilities we have left, what we can do and none of them is ever good enough.

But you know what? I was thinking about it for a quite time actually and I guess I will be joining Steve tomorrow in his self-help group. Or at least I will try. It won't help me, I know that but maybe I could help others, maybe I would be feeling like I'm doing at least something."

You nodded. Maybe...

A cloud suddenly clustered in front of the moon, making the room go darker again.

And with the darkness your loneliness returned

You reached under the pillow on the side where Bucky used to sleep, grabbing his shirt he wore at night.

When you curled your self in the sheets on his bedside you pressed the shirt against your chest, holding it like it was the only thing keeping you alive.

And with his scent around you, you closed your eyes. Escaping into some more peaceful memories.

There’s got to be a way...

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes imagine #avengers #avengers imagine #marvel imagine #marvel #james buchanan barnes

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eunsoyi · 4 years

Text

dear moon

kpop songfic series #1: bokuto koutarou

warning: this is a bit long lol & angsty

dear moon, my moon

i can’t get any closer

like the moon i can’t reach

even with fast-paced walking

"i’m sorry." he muttered and lowered his head. i smiled sadly and brushed his hand with my fingers. my chest was burning in pain, as if it was going to explode any time soon. but i didn’t cry. i didn’t have the strength to do so. i kissed his knuckle and replied, "it’s okay, koutarou."

the next day, i did not show up at the stadium, much to my parents’ surprise. "aren’t you going to support your best friend?" they asked. i shook my head and covered my body with my blanket, pretending to be asleep. every bit of person in my school is probably there right now, cheering for fukurodani. no, they’re cheering for bokuto kotarou, the volleyball club’s ace, a volleyball superstar, my best friend.

my best friend who just rejected me.

i gathered the strength to stand up and open the television and at least watch the game from the comfort of my own living room. i stared at it for a few minutes until i heard the words "fukurodani’s ace does it again! an amazing straight shot!" as the camera pans to his jumping backside.

"he’s going to be a big hit soon, don’t you think, y/n?" my mother asked. i just nodded in response as i felt tears form in my eyes.

oh moon, like moon

why won’t you go away?

i try to turn away and run

but you’re like the moon that follows me

i sighed as i texted ‘i’m doing fine’ to my parents for the nth time this week. my college roommate kept laughing at me for having overprotective parents, and i just responded with a deadpan chuckle. two years into university and i already want to quit if not for the hefty amount of money that my family is paying for my tertiary education.

"bokuto beam!"

i stopped myself from looking at my roommate’s laptop. i’ve been hearing his name ever since we graduated high school, and it’s like a noise that frustratingly kept ringing in my ear to the point where i want to cut it off. my roommate was a big msby fan, and from what i’ve heard, kotarou had been scouted and became a professional player for that team.

not that i care.

every after a stressful and tiring day, she’d pop in one of msby’s games and squeal like a hungry pig. "you can use earphones, you know?" i said with a hint of annoyance in my voice that i failed to suppress.

"jeez, okay." she glared at me and finally, the room was at peace. but i couldn’t shake off hearing his name from the muffled speakers of her earphones, so i decided to take a breather.

the august night was cold, as expected, since fall is approaching rather rapidly for my liking. i sat down on one of the benches at the park in front of my dorm building and gazed at the stars.

i hated the stars.

despite being so numerous, they look so terribly lonely. the distance humans see between them was a ruse, as they were literally light years apart, a distance none of us can really fathom.

"y/n?"

you,

is it coincidence?

i jumped up immediately and locked eyes with a familiar white-haired boy, wearing a big jacket and a sports bag clung on his body.

"koutarou.." i managed to squeak out.

the moment we met eyes,

"it really is you." he smiled and gave me a hug. the hug was very brief for me to react, but i can still feel his arms linger on my back. i felt even more pathetic than i did when i confessed to him that night.

"yeah. i heard you’re doing well." i smiled, sat back down, and ushered him to sit beside me to which he happily obliged.

i heard a low voice

talking to me

"i am." he whispered. his eyes reflected the night sky, and they were the most beautiful things i’ve ever seen. as i looked deeper, i realized they were hollow, dark, very different from what his fans have been seeing. it was almost empty. lonely, even.

my hatred for the stars grew.

oh moon, my moon

i’m not trying to hold you

i know you’re too big for me to hold

i rarely saw koutarou after that. we finally had each other’s contact details after two years of not seeing each other, and he has been constantly texting me, but i haven’t given him a decent reply.

"what’s keeping you from doing so?" akaashi keiji, one of my high school friends and kotarou’s right-hand man, asked as we were eating out for ramen one night.

"i don’t know." i mumbled and twirled my noodles, msby versus another team i don’t know booming on the restaurant television.

"you’re still hung up about that night? i thought you’ve moved on." keiji raised his eyebrow.

"i have."

"then just properly talk to him."

"i can’t."

"why not?"

i sighed and crossed my arms, looking at the television which showed koutarou’s joyful cheer as he scored a point against his opponent.

"i’m not good enough."

the next week, i found koutarou sitting on the same bench i sat the day we met again. when he spotted me, he gave me the biggest, brightest, almost blinding smile i’ve ever seen.

"why are you here? aren’t you busy?" i asked while sitting down beside him. he chuckled. "i’m a volleyball player. the only thing i do is train and play."

i giggled. "fair point."

we talked for a good hour with canned coffee in one hand and a hot pack on the other. i did not pay attention to the cold, october air. the only thing i could see was the man beside me, radiating the brightest energy i ever felt, and the view of the empty park.

if only time would stop, and we’d stayed like that forever.

oh moon, my moon

i’m not trying to have you.

everything went by so smoothly, i did not have time to think things through. it became unspoken tradition between the two of us to meet in that park every weekend and he’d treat me to canned coffee, much to my dismay.

“don’t you get paid for being a professional athlete? why is it always canned coffee?” i jokingly said. he frowned. “isn’t spending time with me enough?”

yes. it was more than enough. i wanted to yell that out to him, but i couldn’t. i rolled my eyes in response and pretended to be annoyed at the canned coffee.

“y/n..” he said in such a serious voice. i hummed in reply, gulping down the drink in my hand. “do you still like me?”

i stopped myself from spitting out the stupidly sweet liquid in my mouth. i coughed, choking on my drink. “what?”

“i like you, y/n. a lot. i realized this when i saw you again.”

i did not respond and stared at the ground. my mind was blank. what should i say? what was i supposed to say? i haven’t thought about this, at all.

“can we date?” he broke the silence.

in hindsight, i shouldn’t have said yes.

the fact that you’re so dazzling

is because i’m too dark of a night

agreeing to date bokuto koutarou was a mistake.

we decided that i’d move in to his apartment, to which i happily did. the first few months were okay. we did the things couples usually did: kiss, hold hands, go on dates, whatever there is to name. however, despite being his girlfriend, i did not attend any of his games even if he forced me to. i told him that i’m not a fan of crowds, and i assured him that i am supporting him from our apartment, and he just let me be.

on our first year of dating, i decided to go to one of his games as a surprise.

i was sitting on the bleachers, blending in with the tremendous amount of fangirls and volleyball fanatics in the crowd. after the game, i whipped out a box of homemade chocolates and the bouquet of flowers that i bought and tried to approach him, but before he even noticed my presence, he was surrounded with different types of people: journalists, agents, managers, teammates, fangirls, fanboys, children and elderly alike are asking for his autograph and his picture.

i left without saying a word.

after that day, i got intensely busier. i prepared for my thesis, i was stressing myself with different laboratory subjects, and i got hired as an intern in a research lab. koutarou, on the other hand, kept getting commercial deals and busied himself with tournaments and games. we barely had time to see each other, and when we did, we’d sit in silence, a silence so deafening it almost made me go crazy. whenever i’d see him, his eyes would be hollow, the same eyes that were presented to me when i first saw him again.

i attempted to work things out, if there were actually things that needed working out. but we both couldn’t find the right time to do so. it was either he or i who’d go home immensely exhausted and go straight to sleep.

the relationship was going nowhere.

is it coincidence?

on your white face,

“koutarou, can we talk?” i finally said once he got home.

“i’m very tired, y/n. can we do this tomorrow?”

this conversation again. i was honestly so sick of those words. i kept my calm and tugged the sleeve of his shirt.

“please?”

he sighed, dropped his sports bag, and looked at me in the eye. “what?”

“this relationship.. it’s..” i stammered, trying to find the right words to say.

“it’s getting pretty exhausting, huh?” he smirked and leaned on the doorframe.

there’s a shadow stain

that doesn’t suit you

“wait.. what?”

“i’m tired, y/n. goodnight.” koutarou whispered, kissing my forehead and headed towards the bedroom, closing the door behind him.

i’m waving

it’s how i call you

there’s a loner here

who resembles you a lot

a week later, kotarou and i broke up.

i asked why. i knew the answer, i just had to hear it from him.

“i was lonely.”

i smiled sadly. “i was, too.”

he gave me a week to clear out my things in his apartment, and to be frank, that was the most stagnant yet most painful week of my life.

i was wrong about him in so many ways.

in the years i’ve known him, i’ve looked at him like a star, more specifically, like the sun. he was so warm and bright that it made me frustrated. i thought i was nothing like him. i thought we lived in two very different worlds: him living in a place of happiness and stardom while i lived somewhere damp and boring.

but the times he showed me the real him, the bokuto koutarou behind closed doors, those empty eyes..

we were two peas in a pod.

instead of making each other happy, we were each other’s catalyst to our own descent.

i gave him one last kiss on the cheek and bid him farewell. i moved back to my dorm, much to my roommate’s surprise. “hey, y/n, did ya miss me?” she cheekily remarked.

“you wish.”

i wished that were the reason.

i met up with keiji very soon in our usual ramen shop, and i didn’t even need to tell him what happened. he found out through kotarou. apparently, he was actually planning to break up with me months before but couldn’t find the courage to do so.

“you know, it’s a waste.” keiji said, slurping his noodles.

“what is?” i asked, tilting my head in confusion.

“i honestly thought the two of you were perfect for each other.”

i sighed. “that was actually the opposite of what i was thinking.”

keiji looked at me with those pitying eyes that i hated so much. “are you okay?”

i’m not doing so well

“i’ll be fine.”

my only moon

as much as i can’t reach you

till the night grows deep

keep that silence with the white light

i stared at my thesis once more, which was binded and published. i felt tears welling up my eyes. my roommate hugged me, yelling and crying that she’s proud of me and whatnot. my parents who were on video call were sobbing as well. my phone notifications were blowing up with different message of congratulations.

i finally graduated. my thesis finally got published. i am finally an employee in the research lab i worked as an intern in. my family called me lucky for being so successful early on. i disagreed and just laughed it off.

that night, my roommate celebrated by buying beer for me as a treat. we stayed up all night, laughing and drinking. she got too drunk and finally fell asleep. i immediately went to get some blankets and pillows to tuck her in the couch.

“congratulations msby black jackals for winning the spring tournament!”

i stopped in my tracks. i didn’t realize she was playing another volleyball game in the time we were talking. i found myself staring at kotarou’s cheering figure. i closed my eyes, trying to suppress my tears.

i took the remote and turned the television off.

so i won’t sleep again tonight.

this was the first time i ever cried while writing. dear moon is my favorite song that was written by iu (i suggest listening to her version of the song bc it’s so good as well). hope you all liked this despite the angst!

#haikyuu angst #haikyuu x reader #bokuto #bokuto x reader #bokuto koutarou #bokuto headcanons #bokuto imagines #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu hcs #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu #Spotify #bokuto angst #haikyuu headcanon

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adolanables · 4 years

Text

Flame - Part 10

Masterlist

Today was the day you had to fly back to school and Grayson hadn’t responded to any of your texts. Granted, you had only sent about three after he didn’t respond to your initial message letting him know you had landed safely. Part of you thought about reaching out to Ethan to make sure everything was okay, but you refrained. Surely Grayson would’ve told you if something was wrong and probably just wanted to take some time to himself with his family. At least that’s what you kept telling yourself.

The break was uneventful - your family didn’t really celebrate Thanksgiving as it is mainly an American holiday. Both of your parents are vegetarian and don’t see the point in stuffing yourself until you feel like you could vomit. There were a few dinners throughout the week that ended in your father telling you he was disappointed in your lack of effort in school and your mother shushing him softly. Truthfully, his words didn’t bother you all that much anymore.

The flight back to school was quick and painless, Grayson initially had told you he was picking you up, but considering you hadn’t heard from him you weren’t expecting much. The Lyft app on your phone told you your driver was three minutes away as a familiar voice broke your attention.

“Get in the car.” Grayson’s voice sounded deeper, his face certainly looked like he had aged about ten years in the last week. His glasses were gone, a scraggly beard on his chin - hair unkempt.

“Oh - hey.” Cancelling the Lyft and shoving your phone in your pocket, you tilted your head at him in confusion. “I didn’t think you’d be here-”

“I said I would pick you up, didn’t I?” He quipped, jogging towards you and gripping your suitcase before throwing it into the back seat. Ethan was nowhere to be found so you slid into the passenger seat.

“Yea, I just thought you changed your mind.” You nodded uncomfortably, feeling the tension in the air as Grayson sped back to campus.

He didn’t respond, his jaw clenched tightly as his foot was pressed to the floorboard. The thirty minute drive turned into ten and soon enough you were parking in the lot behind your dorm. As you went to let yourself out of the car, Grayson’s hand caught yours, drawing your focus up to his eyes surrounded by very dark bags.

“When were you going to tell me you fucked Ethan?”

Have you ever seen a scene in one of those movies where everything freezes except for the main character? Like the whole world stops turning for a second so that person can have a few seconds to gather their thoughts before speaking. That’s what you felt was happening as Grayson’s hand held your wrist tightly, his eyes trained on yours, pure hatred searing through you. As everything unfroze, you opened your mouth to speak, but couldn’t get out a single word.

“You have nothing to say?” He gawked, dropping your hand and sinking back into his seat. “Figures.”

It felt like he had just kicked you in the chest-. Every second you were trying to breath properly so you could get out just one word to tell him that you were at least sorry - maybe explain yourself a little bit. Nothing was happening. You felt your chest tightening as he got out of the car and slammed the door, pulling your suitcase from the back and walking around to your side. He threw the door open, reached down to unbuckle you and stood with his hands on his hips. “You have to get out so I can lock the car.”

His words were muted, but you heard him, your fingers haphazardly reaching around for your phone as you managed to pull yourself out of the seat. The concrete felt like jelly and soon your knees were connecting with the black asphalt. Grayson let out a conflicted sigh as he watched you try to gather yourself on all fours, the lights in the parking lot the only thing illuminating you having a mental breakdown. He didn’t know what to do. The angry side of him wanted to walk away and leave you to fend for yourself, but the more prominent side of him - the Grayson side - knew he couldn’t do that. So, instead, he stood there as you tried and failed to catch your breath, the rocks on the ground digging into your hands were not nearly as painful as what felt like direct stabs to your heart.

“Logan, come on.” He sighed, after nearly ten minutes of watching you have a panic attack he couldn’t take it anymore. “We have to go inside.” Seeing you weren’t responding to him, he leaned down to grip you under your armpits and force you to stand up. “Just lean on me, I’ll pull the suitcase.”

His arm wrapped around your waist sent chills down your spine because you knew this would be the last time you felt his hands on you. As he helped you upstairs to your room and unlocked your door, you were grateful you had come back a day early so Bridget didn’t have to see you like this.

“You need to lock the door when I leave, okay?” He explained, helping you sit down on the edge of your bed. Honestly, after Ethan had told him this, the rage that ran through him was other worldly. He had never been that angry at someone - at two people. After a much needed talk from his mom, she convinced him it wasn’t rational to move out of the dorms just because he was furious with Ethan. As much as he wanted to, he knew he couldn’t - so he decided to shift all that anger to you. He thought he was going to be able to rip you a new one the second you got in the car - that’s the only reason he still picked you up. He wanted thirty minutes to scream at you in private. When he pulled up and saw your messy hair and bright pink lips that you surely chewed on too much for an entire week, he faltered. When he watched you just fall apart at the seams he truly thought for a moment if perhaps he was being too harsh.

“Logan, please breathe.” He begged, a whine in his voice as the girl he was sure he was in love with two weeks ago continued to struggle to get in a full breath.

You didn’t want him to leave, but the way he stood at the door with his hand on the doorknob and pained look on his face told you he needed to go. He wasn’t going to leave you like this and you knew it, but you truly weren’t able to say anything. Instead, you held up a thumbs up and forced a soft smile, shooing him out the door with your hand. As the door clicked closed, you let out a guttural moan you had been holding in since he had parked.

Grayson made it one step away from your door before you let out your cry. He stopped in his tracks, heart racing as he used every ounce of strength in his body to keep walking.

“You good, bro?” Ethan’s voice was the first thing Grayson heard as he re-entered his own dorm room.

“Yeah.” Grayson just nodded, not really wanting to talk to his twin about what he was thinking. As much as he had promised he wasn’t mad at Ethan anymore, he couldn’t help but feel some of that lingering. Ethan had always been the popular twin - the one all the girls wanted. Grayson wasn’t surprised when he found out that Ethan couldn’t let him have you - he needed to claim everything for himself.

Ethan didn’t press his brother, knowing their relationship was still trying to recover from him being an idiot. He did want to ask how you were. There was no way you weren’t furious - or really sad - or maybe a mixture of both. He knew the two of you had planned on telling Grayson - or at least he thought that was the plan. Honestly, he probably should’ve given you a heads up that he was going to let Grayson know, but he didn’t feel like he owed you the decency. Truth be told, Ethan was insanely jealous of his brother and didn’t want to have to watch the two of you be together constantly. If he couldn’t have you, Grayson couldn’t either.

When Bridget got home Sunday evening, she was shocked to see her best friend curled up in a ball in her bed at 6 PM. You weren’t the type to spend all day in bed unless you were sick, so she assumed you were contagious with some sort of illness. “Log… you sick?”

“No.” You squeaked, after a few hours you had managed to calm down. The constant anxiety hadn’t subsided, but you could at least breathe now.

“What’s wrong…?” She pressed, slowly unpacking her suitcase from her week at Kyle’s.

Contemplating whether or not you were ready to unload everything that had happened or not, Bridget let out a sympathetic sigh and walked over. Her tiny frame soon joined you in bed, her body wrapping up next to yours - a calming feeling she always brought to your life. The two of you had been friends for years and she was the only person who could handle you and your crazy - sometimes stupid - decisions.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but whatever it is I’m here.” She assured you, her fingers brushing the unbrushed dark hair from your eyes.

With a shaky breath you started to speak. “Grayson broke up with me… it’s my fault. Ethan and I hooked up… a few times before I even knew Grayson liked me. I was too scared to tell him and Ethan never said anything either - I guess until now.” Taking in a breath and letting it out slowly. “He doesn’t want anything to do with me.”

“Oh, Logan…” Bridget sighed, shaking her head softly. “I’m sure that isn’t true. Grayson is head over heels for you.”

“I know… but I really fucked up.” Picturing the rage in his eyes when he picked you up from the airport made your stomach flip again. “I’m pretty sure he hates me.”

“What about Ethan? Didn’t Ethan know he liked you?” She reasoned, her fingers still smoothing over your hair. She always knew the right things to say - you were grateful she didn’t bring up the fact that you hadn’t told her about Ethan when it had happened.

“I think so… but who would side with me over their twin brother?” Another shaky sigh and a nuzzle into your pillow later, you paused. “I guess he could be mad at him too, but he can’t just break up with Ethan like he can with me.”

“It’s a fresh wound… just give him some time and maybe things come around.” She spoke softly again, taking a second to get up and turn the lights off, switch into pajamas, and crawl back into bed with you.

“You fucked Logan?” Kyle’s voice rang through campus as he caught up with Ethan on his way to class.

“Jesus…” Ethan muttered. “Who’d you hear that from?”

“Bridget…” Kyle rolled his eyes as if it was the most obvious answer in the world. “Didn’t Gray like… have a massive crush on her?”

“Yea.” Gritting his teeth, Ethan glanced around before turning to Kyle. “Please stop talking about it for fucks sake. Logan is in this class, if you forgot.”

“Oh, she’s not coming.” Kyle shrugged, pushing the door to the building open as the two of them headed into the classroom.

“What do you mean?” Raising an eyebrow, Ethan slid into his regular seat as Kyle did the same. “We have like four classes left before finals.”

“Bridget said Logan can’t even get out of bed - she had to brush her teeth for her and force feed her applesauce to get her to eat something.” He sighed, letting out a puff of air. “Kinda wild, I never thought I’d see her even slightly sad.”

Honestly, Ethan didn’t even know what to say - thankfully the professor started talking before he had to answer. Kyle was right - you were such a life force that hearing you were sad threw Ethan off. He knew you cared about Grayson, but he really didn’t think you were that serious about it. To be honest, he had thought that maybe you had some sort of kink about how wimpy Grayson was - he had never thought you genuinely liked him. Either way, Ethan didn’t regret telling Grayson about what happened. It was eating him alive watching his twin fall for you knowing what he did - on top of that, he wanted you and couldn’t have you.

“Hey… Gray?” Ethan hesitated to interrupt his brother who was very clearly studying at his desk.

“Yes?” Grayson turned around, an obvious look of annoyance on his face.

“Uh…” Thinking twice on whether or not to bring it up to him, Ethan let out a sigh. “Have you… uh… heard anything from her?”

“No.” Turning back to his desk, Grayson chewed on the inside of his cheek. “Why… have you?”

“No, no - of course not.” Hands held up in defense, Ethan climbed up onto his bed. “Kyle just mentioned something because of Bridget, ya know.”

“Are you going to tell me what he said...or?”

“Uh, yeah.” Swallowing the lump in his throat, Ethan stared down at his fingers. “Kyle just said she is… um… not getting out of bed or anything? Like she isn’t going to classes or eating…” Ethan waited for Grayson to respond, when he didn’t he continued to ramble. “I just didn’t know if you wanted to know because it’s not like her to act like this… and kind of concerning because she’s Log-”

“If you’re so concerned, why don’t you go check on her?” Grayson snapped, his knuckles turning white as he gripped his pen. If he was being honest, he wanted to run downstairs and hold you - assure you that everything was alright. He didn’t really know how to react - hearing you weren’t even eating was just… strange? Ethan was right, you weren’t the type to be so sad. Grayson was sure he’d never seen you actually care about anything in the nearly four months he’d known you. He wasn’t even sure you cared about him; sometimes just thinking you liked the attention - maybe he was wrong.

With a roll of his eyes and a scoff, Ethan rolled out of bed, clearly annoyed with his twin. “Ya know what, I will.” He slipped his shoes on and glanced down at a bewildered Grayson. “I know you want to and won’t… so I will - don’t worry no funny business.”

As Ethan slipped out the door, the pen in Grayson’s hand exploded - the top popping off and spring flying across the room. He wanted to tackle his brother and tell him to never look at you again, but he didn’t have the balls - if he was being honest. Maybe this way, he could hear how you were doing today - maybe you were doing better than Kyle had heard.

Taglist:// @dolan-bliss @graysavant @justordinaryjen @rainethan

#ethan dolan #grayson dolan #the dolan twins #ethan dolan fanfic #grayson dolan fanfic #the dolan twin fanfic #dolan twin fanfic #grayson dolan fluff #grayson dolan smut #adolanables #nerd!grayson #flmae #flame

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yourdearhart · 4 years

Text

Louis’ Self-worth (pt. 2)

Part 2: The Mental Aspect

*manga spoilers below*

So we’ve addressed Louis’ feelings on being an herbivore, which amount to pretty intense hatred for his body and his instincts. What about the more mental/emotional aspect of his self-esteem? It can seem hard to peg, as we see both moments of serious self-loathing, as well as moments where he thinks he’s real hot shit. Let’s take a closer look.

Once again, we go back to Louis’ early childhood in the livestock pen. Here, he was raised as a product: he had a very defined purpose. He was food. Someday, a carnivore would pay to kill and devour him. Of course that’s not what happened--Oguma bought him and raised him as his son. But the base facts didn’t change: Louis was purchased for a purpose. Not to be food, but to be Oguma’s heir. Oguma paid a set price to receive a product.

Louis’ valuation of himself comes entirely from what he’s able to achieve, including how well he fulfills Oguma’s need for an heir. In short, Louis views himself not as being intrinsically worthy, of having unconditional value based on being a living being, but very much having conditional value: he’s worth something because of what he can do. So when he’s the top of his class, when he’s the president of the club, when he’s the star of the show, then his is valuable and worthy and the best. But when he fails--when he’s too injured to perform, when he wrongly takes the mayor’s advice, when he can’t stop Legoshi from getting into a dangerous fight--he has achieved nothing, and therefore, he is worth nothing.

Louis: Any mistake I make onstage...will be the death of me.

This is how we see his view of himself swing so wildly from “Me, me, me!” right before the Adler performance, to his meltdown during Legoshi’s fight with Riz because he realizes how helpless he is. When Louis is performing at his best, there’s no one who can surpass him. When he doesn’t meet his own insane standards, he’s worthless.

Louis (“Dazzling Dictatorship”): Because I’m the only one who counts. Devote yourselves to...me! This is MY battle. I won’t let anyone interfere.

Louis (“A Drop of 18-times Concentrate”): To become strong...to survive...I committed sin after sin...and when I finally decided to stop, I drove my dear friend [Ibuki] to his death...because I’m so damn weak.

This swerves into headcanon territory, but I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch to imagine that Louis saw his “adoption” by Oguma as conditional as a fawn: that is, if he did not do what Oguma wanted, he would be returned to the livestock pen as a faulty product. I’m sure he got past this, but that would have been a part of his mindset during very formative years. And we know that Oguma helped create Louis’ perfectionist obsession. Consider the discussion they have in his hospital room about his college entrance exams:

Oguma: “The university you’re going to: Galdona University. Your entrance exam’s schedule has been decided...I won’t tell you to study. Just be sure you pass.”

Louis: All business talk...I guess we can’t be father and son without being business partners.

Louis: “I’ll do just fine.”

It’s very clear from their discussion that they’ve done this song and dance before. Oguma gives Louis a task, Louis is expected to excel at that task. Oguma doesn’t say “do well or I’ll punish you” -- there is no or. Failure is not an option. For Louis, the implication, of course, is that if he does not do well, he has no value. The way Louis describes their relationship--business partners--is a very loaded way to describe a parent-child relationship (and to Louis, the business aspect is more prominent than the familial). Oguma is in charge and Louis does as he is told, or he has failed to uphold his end of the contract. We never see Oguma bring up saving Louis’ life to shame or pressure him, but I find it hard to believe Louis doesn’t consider it himself. Does he not owe the animal that saved him, took him in?

This is part of why we see him strive so ardently to be Oguma’s perfect heir even when Oguma’s goals come into direct conflict with his own desires (seen most prominently in his love life, with the utter absence of attraction between him and Azuki, and his clear interest in Juno, despite his strong commitment to Azuki and the marriage arranged by their parents). If Louis does not serve the purpose Oguma wants, then Oguma has wasted 7 million yen and 14 years of time and effort.

Every child wants to be loved, most especially by their guardians. I’m sure part of Louis’ perfectionism stems from an “If I do well enough, my father will love me” mindset, even unconsciously. But it goes past that, into Louis’ own valuation of his worth. To he himself, he is worth nothing if he’s not on his A-game. He doesn’t feel good about himself if he’s not the best.

Early in S1, the most vulnerable we see Louis is in the flashback to his first year when he shed his antlers and took shelter in Haru’s garden. What is his most pressing concern, standing in front of a strange girl dripping blood and holding his antlers?

Louis: “Promise me you won’t tell anyone! Swear to me that you won’t tell anyone Louis the red deer lost his antlers.”

His reputation. His image of perfection. It’s only when Haru assures him she has no idea who he is and doesn’t care about his reputation that he relaxes.

Briefly, Louis abandons his quest to be the perfect heir, during his stint with the Shishigumi. But as soon as he leaves, he’s back to the same behavior as before, visible immediately in his and Oguma’s tet-a-tet at the hospital. And even among the Shishigumi, Louis refuses to accept anything but perfection from himself, to the point of starving himself trying to eat a lion’s diet to show that he can be one of them. When Ibuki observes Louis’ ill health and correctly guesses he’s not eating properly, and tries to remedy the situation, Louis is outraged.

Louis: “Wh-what’s your deal? Are you trying to make a fool out of me? ...Did you want to see me drooling over vegetables so you could sneer at me?”

By suggesting Louis could not manage to survive like the lions do, to make himself one of them (even though it was obvious), Ibuki threatened Louis’ image of strength and unwavering perfection, so he naturally responded as if it were an attack. In threatening Louis’ image, Ibuki threatened both his worth and therefore his safety within the Shishigumi (as he will only remain their boss--remain alive--as long as he is valuable to them).

When Louis reflects on Legoshi’s upcoming fight with Melon, he has this thought:

Louis: I don’t want you to end up like Father and Ibuki where you’ll die because of my helplessness, Legoshi!

How Louis has managed to convince himself his father’s death in a car accident is his fault, I don’t know, but we see again that results-based valuation: because they died--because Louis could not save them--he failed, and is worthless. There’s also a discussion to be had on Louis’ perception of strength and weakness, doubling back to the physical aspect of his self-worth and his loathing of herbivores, but let’s put that off for now.

Louis tends to have a very negative self-image, because he only sees himself as worthy when he’s perfect--which is nuts. Nobody can be perfect all the time, so he necessarily fails his own standards regularly and devalues himself for that. He does not view himself as having intrinsic, unconditional value: his mere existence as a sentient, living being does not garner him any worth in his eyes. He is valuable only for his contributions; for what he provides. For what he can do. This results in widely varying self-valuations depending on what’s going on at the given moment, but ultimately it always swings back to something negative, because Louis has to be constantly achieving and performing to maintain his self-esteem. Even neutrality results in a negative image, because while there may not be failure, there is an absence of achievement, which is tantamount to the same thing.

If Louis is not performing, if he is not achieving, if he is not an object of admiration and envy and glory, he’s nothing at all.

And I say again: this deer is going to kill himself with exhaustion someday.

View Part 1: The Physical Aspect here.

#meta #about the actor #okay I think this is done #I feel like it's not as focused as I'd like #but hell it's not for a grade #beastars #louis beastars

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dwellordream · 4 years

Note

I want to ask for your full Director's Commentary on the whole of "in the language of flowers," but that might take too long! Can you tell me about your favorite section to write? Or if you'd like something a little more specific, anything you would like to say about the epilogue, or Sirius and Petunia's relationship? Thank you!! ❤❤

it’s been two years so it’s a little hard to get back into that head space but I’ll try my best lol. just in general I think the desire to write the fic came from wanting to write a long-term HP fic where I didn’t need to rely on the books to guide me through scenes and characters. with Flowers I pretty much could do whatever I wanted in terms of plot and characters as long as I hit certain points (the start of the war, Sirius running away from home, Lily and James getting together, etc). it was pretty freeing and I was able to do what I wanted with Petunia so long as she still was recognizable as her canon self. I had a lot of favorite chapters so i’ll just go in order: chapter 1 was a big deal to me bc I needed to establish the baseline of the Lily and Petunia sister relationship right off the bat. I wanted their relationship to be loving and close but also quite tense on Petunia’s part; she is inherently an anxious, cynical, and insecure person, and being the younger sister, in this case, of someone as charismatic and charming as Lily isn’t easy. at the same time I wanted to emphasize how devoted Petunia still was to her and how much she idolized Lily’s looks and intelligence. I also wanted to get across some of her more obsessive compulsive behaviors and the effect they have had on her childhood. I also have always liked writing Severus and I think the back and forth between him and Petunia not just in the first chapter but throughout the fic is very interesting, bc they really have a lot in common personality wise. both are very jealous and possessive people, both are quite insecure about themselves, from their appearances to their personalities, both find it difficult to make friends and difficult to hold their tongues when they’re upset. in any other circumstances, I think Petunia and Severus really could have become good friends. I also wanted to emphasize that while Lily can be somewhat oblivious to Petunia’s unease and insecurity, she is a very loving person and a good sister. I didn’t want the fic to be about making Lily out to be a villain or a bully in order to make Petunia look better, or just them constantly battling each other. chapter 3 was also really important to me bc it sets up Petunia’s first impression of James and Sirius, and I think it kind of shows how they were both little shits as children haha. in that, she has no delusions about them and recognizes that both of them have the potential to be quite nasty little bullies when push comes to shove. obviously eventually she comes to consider both friends and close allies, but James comes into Hogwarts as essentially this very coddled and spoiled little prince who’s used to being showered with affection and attention, and Sirius’ whole persona is that of a kid who treats everything as one big joke because it helps him forget about his abusive home life. I also really love the line where Marlene shakes James’ hand but says, “Galleons really do jangle in the same pocket” referring to the Potters and Blacks being well known for their money, something James is secretly a bit insecure about. Remus and Petunia’s meeting in chapter 5 was really important to me because he is her ‘in’ to the Marauders simply by virtue of being such an accepting and compassionate kid, despite his own trauma and illness. Petunia’s not naturally inclined to feel a ton of sympathy for other people, but she does for him, and he really opens her up in a lot of ways to becoming more accepting of the Hogwarts experience. that her eventual reaction to discovering he is a werewolf is not terror and disgust but sympathy and a desire to help is probably one of the first major signs of her character development. chapter 8 was also really fun bc it’s the first real one on one Petunia and Sirius interaction! tbh I think a lot of readers assume I began the story out of a desire to write a romance between the two, but it was actually *not* in my initial loose notes for the story. I hadn’t really focused on any kind of romance for Petunia at all and it ended up just sliding its way in the more I thought about it. the two of them are very different but in some ways well-suited to each other; Petunia is almost *never* impressed by Sirius’ antics and he is I think someone who would want to be challenged and pushed back on by a partner. in that same token chapter 11 is pretty important to me bc suddenly we’ve made it to 4th year and both Petunia and Sirius’ home situations have worsened. I actually was not entirely happy with that chapter at the time because I disliked writing in the kiss between them so early on, and I felt like I was rushing into the romance. however, in the long run I think it worked out, as they clearly don’t jump into a relationship from there, and with the emotional intensity of the two of them opening up to one another it made sense. I also really liked the acknowledgement from Petunia that she sees through all the ‘I don’t give a fuck’ posturing- Sirius *does* care about being rejected and hurt by his family, he *does* care about not having a good relationship with his parents, and he *does* want that sort of easy affection and love that James has with his parents and Petunia has with her father. his problem isn’t that he doesn’t care; he cares rather a lot

chapter 14 is obviously a big deal within the story bc it is the point of Lily and Severus’ big fight which pretty much ends the friendship. I was going crazy at the time trying to figure out how/when to include it, since Severus is at Hogwarts, Lily is at home in muggle school, she hasn’t seen his problems with James and co. or all the bullying and violence, she doesn’t know much about his growing interest in the Death Eater cause... but in the moment what matters to Lily is him threatening her sister. I think at the exact moment she sees Severus having cornered Petunia down by the river it all sort of slots into place for Lily and she realizes A. he is not the same little boy she befriended, he is a potentially violent 15 year old, and B. his hatred for Petunia mostly stems from the fact that she is the unwanted replacement of Lily in his life. so with all that suddenly crashing over her, Lily really snaps and without much thought for her own safety, gets between the two of them and dresses him down once and for all. also, the love between the two sisters is just really touching right then and there, as Petunia finally realizes Lily would truly do anything for her. the fight in chapter 16 was also a favorite moment of mine bc finally all the background stuff comes to a head in Sirius and Petunia’s relationship. she realizes he’s been kicked out of the house and has hidden it from her, and his poor reaction is of course, to mock her over acting as though they’re ‘going steady’. then of course comes the nasty realization that the rumors about Sirius being in a relationship with her contributed to said disownment, and Sirius admitting to her that he got into a fight with Lucius Malfoy over a ‘joke’ about harming Petunia. this is what really sends Petunia into a spiral- she knows Lucius to be a Death Eater and the idea of Sirius in any way antagonizing him horrifies her. which then leads into the big issue between them, on top of all their communication problems- Sirius has every intention of fighting Voldemort’s forces, whereas Petunia wants to keep her head down and live a normal life. this is not something that can be easily resolved, given how stubborn both of them are. he regards it as his duty to throw himself into the fight and to prove how he isn’t like the rest of his family, especially jr. Death Eater Regulus- whereas Petunia thinks he has a death wish.

I don’t want to just summarize the entire fic so I’ll stop there haha. but yes, I am still really fond of Flowers and the relationship between Petunia and Lily and Petunia and Sirius. the epilogue was really just me giving them all a hug and sending them on their way like a proud parent. (I’m actually surprised people liked the epilogue, especially people who commented that they preferred the fic’s epilogue to the one at the end of Deathly Hallows, since I think the two have a lot of similarities in terms of the main characters having settled down into more ‘normal’ adulthood with a couple of kids).

#ask #ask game #flowers

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thegingerwriter · 4 years

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Denim and Leather: Chapter 1 and Prologue

By L.J Hanslow

Author’s Note

Dear Reader,

Thank you for reading this. Whether you’re reading this because it was a first draft and I just kind of sprung it on you because you mentioned you wouldn’t mind reading it, or this is somewhere on the internet, thank you for reading this.

While you may enjoy this story in general, please appreciate the origin of the romance. The pure, young love conjured here was not pure chance, but inspired by a brief beautiful flame I once had the pleasure of sharing with another amazing soul. She showed me many things, even though such flame did not last.

Love ‘Denim’ as I love her within myself, and love ‘Leather’ as you’ll find you may have no choice.

Don’t let anyone ever control your life or who you are.

With great love,

Liv.

Chapter 1: Larger than Life

The phone buzzed on the coffee table, moving slightly at the vibration. I leaned forward off the couch, tearing my eyes away from my actual phone to stare at it, squinting at the tiny named that appeared on the neon blue screen. A quick glance at the familiar string of letters was all I needed before I decided to ignore it, turning back to my iPhone. Turning the volume up on my headphones, I kicked my feet up onto the coffee table, pushing the phone away with my foot as I sunk down into the couch even further.

It was all but 2 minutes before I felt the vibration of the burner phone buzzing around on the table again, but this time, it kept on humming as it moved around, signalling an incoming call.

I didn’t need to look again to know who it was. Just ignore it, I thought to myself.

Another call. Ignore it.

Jesus if this man doesn’t stop- my music suddenly stopped as the iPhone in my hands began to ring. “Good LORD!” I exclaimed, hanging up as I received another text.

‘I’ve got that number too, Red.’

I will not answer him. I will not answ-

Incoming call.

Wait.

That’s…Riley?

I sat in thought for a moment. Riley will only ever call me if something is wrong or very wrong. Can I really ignore him?

Missed call.

I considered calling him back myself but figured if he truly needed me, he’d come find me.

Incoming call. Riley.

“Okay! I give in!” I yelled, tearing my earphones out and pressing ‘accept’. “Riley?”

“That’s a tad rude, Red. Am I not worthy for you to answer my calls?” Son of a bitch, I thought as I immediately recognised the smooth voice. I didn’t say anything, and I swear I heard him chuckle.

“The answer is no. Before you ask: no.” I said firmly, swinging my legs off the couch and standing up. Every conversation we shared made me fidget restlessly.

“What song?” He suddenly asked.

I shook my head, refusing to participate in his game. “Adam-.”

“What song, Red?” He said it in such a demanding tone I had no free will for a split second.

“Larger Than Life.”

“Older than usual, huh?” I said nothing, listening to the silence before he started again. “I’ll meet you at your garage. I believe we need to have a talk.”

“Adam, I said-.” He hung up.

I pulled the dirty yellow sponge over the hood of the car, the water rolling across the shiny black surface and the bright white strips across the front. It was clean -that much was clear- and really didn’t need another wash but the overall shine of the water dripping off the car always satisfied me. The 1970 Chevrolet Impala was probably at the top of my favourite things that I owned- there was just nothing to hate about it.

Although in truth, I should really be washing the Roadster that was a couple feet to my left, dirt and mud sprayed on the bottom of the car and above the tires. It was a 2008 Tesla model, something sleek others seemed to admire when you drove past in it. Two expensive cars, one of which I owned, the other I frequently… borrowed. Well, used to anyway.

The Chevy was mine, of course and I loved it. No one else did, constantly commenting on the outdated model, especially when it was so often parked next to something from our more recent centuries. It wasn’t my fault the rest of the world left some of us behind. I might have the engines of every other car nowadays, but the look of them was a large contrast to others now. If you didn’t have the money, people could really tell just by looking at you. But no one could ever say my cars weren’t clean though. Old, yes. But dirty or outdated? Absolutely not. I could never get sick of the look of them.

I inherited the Chevy from my older brother, Augustus, a while back. If I stare at the front leather seats long enough, I can still see him and I sitting there in the afternoons, my feet hanging over the edge of the driver’s seats while the car was parked, so I could pretend to see over the steering wheel and that I could drive just as fast as he could. When he left, Mum wouldn’t dare to sell it. She knew he would have given it to me if he had stuck around. But something tells me that the fact he didn’t take the car with him when he left means it was mine for the taking anyway.

A sharp voice brought me out of my head, dangerous and familiar and I turned to see the same ocean blue eyes I had tried (and failed) to get out my brain countless times since we last met. I took in his combed, yet tussled, dark chocolate hair and suit jacket that looked so casual and important, all at the same time.

“Admiring Fumar again?” Adam asked, referring to the impala. I dropped the dripping sponge into the bucket next to my feet as casually as I could, hoping he didn’t notice the amount of surprise- and possibly fear- I was trying to hide by seeing him here, directly in front of me.

“When am I not?” I shot back, a smile creeping onto my lips as I crossed my arms and leaned against the door that wasn’t as soaked as the rest of the car. My eyes averted away from his, desperately trying to hide the nervousness of butterflies that appeared whenever he was near.

I pushed a loose strand of orange copper hair behind my ear, waiting- oh, waiting for him to say something first. But the tension was killing me, and he knew it. “What do you want, Adam?” I said coolly. He obviously wanted something from me, and he wasn’t going to get it. “I’m done. I repaid a debt, I left, I’m finished. I just want to forget any of it happened and leave it behind. You, Riley, all of it.”

Now that wasn’t completely true. I’d always stick with Riley. But Adam didn’t need to know that. He knew too much about me already- he didn’t need more leverage about who I held close to me.

He didn’t say anything, just stared at me with his hands in his pockets, watching and waiting for something to happen. He looked me up and down, taking in my yellow flannel - unbuttoned to reveal the white t-shirt underneath- and my jeans before his eyes looked over my shoulder towards the other red car in the garage and I could tell by the shimmer in his eye that he had figured something out.

“I thought you liked Riley?” He was nearly smiling. “I do remember you two being…quite close.” His tone was taunting, and I had to fight not to slap him.

“He’s a kid, Adam. He is 16 years old. He is the only reason I haven’t completely up and left the country.” Reign it in. He doesn’t need the satisfaction of me completely losing it just yet.

“Ahh, so that wasn’t completely true then. You wouldn’t leave him behind. And don’t act like you could leave-like they’d let you.”

“About Riley- we just happened to share a common hatred for someone and a common issue. We both had debts to pay back and there was no use hating each other if we had to work together on daily basis.” I said simply. “And you don’t know enough about me, or my ranking or how I would get out of this city.” Adam looked at me again, scanning my eyes for an emotion that wasn’t there. Or at least, he wasn’t going to find.

“You worked with me on a daily basis too, did you not?” Was all he could say.

“You’re easy to hate, apparently.”

“Why’d you keep the Roadster?” He asked changing the subject quickly and stealing another glance at the car behind me while I crossed my arms tighter.

“It’s mine, is it not?” Adam stepped closer to me and I subtly leaned further back against my car. His eyes twinkled with mischief -and based on previous experience from being around him- not the good kind.

“I believe the Chevy is yours. But I am almost certain, that the Roadster, of course, still belongs to me.”

“You’re welcome to take it back.” I shot at him and Adam chuckled lightly at my response, a sound I was never truly fond of. He definitely knew how much I loved that car. No one drove it like I did- I could do anything in it. The Chevy was my heart and soul but the Roadster… I felt alive.

Perhaps that’s why he gave it to me. The happier I was and the more thrill I felt, the higher the chance of me doing something… possibly illegal. That particular thrill that I chased was what got me into this mess into the first place. That and the fact that people like me can barely do anything without connections anyway.

He shook his head with a smile while taking another step towards me. “No, I think I’ll let you hold onto it for a bit. You’ll find it useful in the coming weeks. She is a very fast car.”

“It’s all about the driver.” I looked at the ceiling for a moment, taking in a breath. “I’m not working for you, Adam.” I said, straightforward and clearly challenging him to say otherwise. “I don’t want to be your thief again.”

Unfortunately for me, he never backed down from a challenge. “You say that like a) you actually have a say in the matter- which you don’t- and b) like I was the one who originally made you choose that profession.”

I went silent at his last statement, wanting so desperately to tell him he was wrong and that I was not going to do whatever he wanted me to do. That I wasn’t going to be his thief anymore, stealing things and driving cars for him. But I couldn’t. Because I’d be lying if I did. And as him and I both knew; we don’t tell lies. It is the only promise he’s ever kept. That is, of course, if you don’t count withholding information from someone a lie.

What you don’t know won’t hurt you, he had said.

I looked down at my feet, taking in the soapy water that had dripped onto my leather boots earlier during my car washing frenzy, not noticing that Adam had moved closer to me until I looked up and his face was inches from mine. I stared into his dangerous eyes once again as they trapped me in his gaze. My breath caught in my throat and I found myself unable to breath as I waited for him to move first, to speak, to taunt, to threaten. But he didn’t, knowing perfectly well what he was doing to me.

After a moment, he finally spoke. “Did you really think I wouldn’t come seeking your skills again?” He said lowly, almost a whisper. “Did you honestly, truly think I wouldn’t find something, anything to hold over your head to make you work for me again?”

I swallowed. “It was nice to believe momentarily.”

Adam stepped away. “I’ll tell ya what. How about I ask you if you’ll come do a job for me and go from there after you give me your answer.” I crossed my arms in response and he smiled.

“What could you possibly hold against me this time? Last time, I was in debt to you. I accidentally happened to nab something from the wrong person, and I repaid my debt in exchange for you not getting me arrested. Debt is repaid. What do you have on me this time?”

Adam leaned in again, his breath tickling my ear as he whispered two words that made my blood run cold, and the colour drain from my face. When he pulled away again, I could see the satisfaction in his eyes, as if he could tell how caught up in his puppet strings I was, the same as every single time he came looking for me again.

“Bullshit.”

He cocked an eyebrow at me. “Prepared to call my bluff? Would you rather find out the truth another way?”

He was right. He was always right.

Silence.

“So, what do you say?”

I took a deep breathe before saying, “Where do you want me?”

Hey kids! Welcome to Denim and Leather! This is an original book that I’ve been writing for a little while now and I decided I don’t mind publishing it here now that I’m getting quite a bit of attention (thank you, by the way!). So I hope you enjoy this! Feel free to send me questions or anything else if you would like to know more!

#denim and leather #thegingerwriter #original story #lgbtq story

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bigskydreaming · 4 years

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Can I just say, I am so on board with Duggan showing that when Bobby is really mad, like icy rage kind of chilling mad, all puns intended, like....he is an elemental Terminator jacked up on steroids. He literally just dropped temps so low he smashed through the thick steel hull like he was here to huff and puff and blow their house down, and I personally found it very sexy the way he responded to them trying to kill him by simply making all their trigger fingers snap off from frostbite. What? I’m a very vindictive reader and they deserved it.

And after just ranting the other week about how they needed to just up and let Bobby use his teleportation power all the time without help.....*sobs* here we have him teleporting himself and Bishop across the world just minutes after teleporting himself there in the first place, all without any help or even breaking a sweat. FINALLY!!!!!!!

But that said, on another note, examining this all more seriously:

So, while all of us readers know that Kate’s return is inevitable, as this series has been literally telegraphing this story direction from issue one, with it clearly only being part of her over-all story in this book rather than the end of it.....the characters themselves have no reason to be confident she’ll come back at all, let alone soon, given their concerns about her not being able to interact with Krakoa the way other mutants do.

(Personally, I suspect the reason they’ve paced things the way they have is because Kate’s murder and the mystery of whether or not she can be brought back the same way as everyone else, like...I half suspect that’s going to be among the first things X-Factor deals with, given the premise of that book, and that’s why they’re lining things up for all of this storyline to lead into right around the time X-Factor debuts. But maybe its something else entirely. Who knows. There does seem to be something going on with Lockheed, given the way the last couple of issues have framed focus around him, though I’m completely baffled as to how that could be crucial to this story, but guess we’ll see).

ANYWAY, so we know Kate’s coming back, and likely pretty soon, but the characters don’t know that, not for sure. And when you consider that Bobby, as well as being one of Kate’s really good friends and even dated her in the past, has a kind of unique perspective here....it makes total sense for him to be the one that just goes stone-cold killer here. (Again, pun absolutely intended. Look its me. Its Bobby. Read the room. I’m gonna be doing this a lot here).

Of course, he doesn’t actually kill anyone, as Bishop’s there to remind him to cool it in time, but he is merciless in his own way, and calculated and deliberate. So again...one of Kate’s dearest friends, no doubt feels guilty for being away with Christian while Kate was murdered instead of with her and protecting her......and one other element:

Bobby’s one of the few mutants that already was facing the prospect of immortality before they came up with the resurrection process. Its been an underlying source of angst for him for a long time, and IMO the true cornerstone of why he’s so often been resistant to exploring his powers and examining the implications of them, and what they suggest about his future:

See, more than anything, Bobby fears being alone. He loves people, he loves the people who are dearest to him, he craves normalcy in the sense of things that are familiar and comfortable to him....and his powers are antagonistic to all of that. Because the many times they’ve proven able to bring him back from the brink of death without him even consciously using them, and the glimpses of futures where centuries from now he’s still around as this jaded, bitter ice wizard or elemental being.....force him to constantly be aware of the potential and even likelihood that he is going to VASTLY outlive pretty much every single person he’s ever loved and ever will love.

People often note Bobby’s tendency to be drawn to various villains or antiheroes, describing this as him having a thing for the bad boys (and girls, before his coming out)....but there’s never really been any sign of the usual hero/bad guy narrative with most of these. He doesn’t actually ever ‘try and change them’ or really think he can, and there’s never anything that suggests that he like, finds their ‘dark side’ itself appealing, nor does being around them make him act more uninhibited or less altruistic or anything, at least not to any strong degree I don’t think.

But IMO, the focus on the bad guy attraction is only one way to go with that. I’ve always noticed there’s another common element that can be found in the more unexpected people Bobby tends to be drawn to:

And that’s the fact that from Mystique to Daken to the occasional cosmic being or god.....they all tend to be people who have the potential to live as long or longer than Bobby himself. People he doesn’t have to worry as much about losing, if he were to fall in love with them.

So consider that Bobby has for so long consciously and subconsciously limited himself and his own development, avoided touching on or examining the many times and things that have foreshadowed his own longevity....because he’s afraid to face it, afraid to even contemplate the idea of there coming a time when most if not all of his closest friends and loved ones are all dead and gone, and he’s still here, still alive, because his powers kinda ensure he’s always among the last standing.

And then along comes Krakoa and all its changes and bounty, and the resurrection process which is almost too good to be believed, a gift for all mutantkind that offers the potential for longevity, even immortality for all of them....

Overnight, everything changed, not just for mutantkind as a whole, but for Bobby himself. Because the resurrection process doesn’t actually offer him anything he really needs HIMSELF. Its not likely he’ll ever need to use it, or that it would even work on him at all (since Bobby’s powers have fairly recently evolved to make him extremely hard for psychics to read, especially when in his ice form, but also even while flesh and blood....so its not a given that Xavier even COULD ‘back up’ his consciousness in Cerebro as easily or as frequently as he does other mutants).

So the resurrection process doesn’t change much for Bobby himself....but its existence and ramifications....they changed EVERYTHING for him. All of a sudden, everything he’s dreaded and feared about his future, everything that’s been underlying his fear and even hatred of his own powers at times.....just like that, its no longer relevant. Everything looks different to him now. The future is no longer something to avoid imagining whenever possible, its something to look FORWARD to......because now he can picture still having his friends and loved ones with him, far from now. He can PLAN for things, he can WISH for things. He can finally start to embrace his powers and thus himself, his full self, without fear of it taking him further and further away from everyone his own immortality has always threatened to leave behind. (I find it very interesting that its NOW of all times that Bobby finally unlocks his teleportation ability, for instance).

But just as Bobby’s started to finally be less cautious with his powers and his relationships, started to just...live, without being constantly afraid and waiting for the day his loved ones start to leave him for good....just when he begins to wrap his mind around that hopeful future.....

Kate, one of the people most important to him, dies.....and all of them are terrified she’s an exception to the new status quo, and resurrection won’t work on her.

So yeah. Bobby lost it this issue. Cold Snap was a particularly fitting title, and if ever there was a moment to showcase how dangerous the widespread death of X-Men and various of Bobby’s loved ones could be for the world and the future....it was this one. Because while I say “Bobby lost it” and you could see Bishop fearing that was exactly the case....I don’t think that means that Bobby was out of control, rather than just he lost sight or willingness to throw up barriers between his most vengeful impulses and reasons to hold himself back. I fully believe everything Bobby did this issue was willful and calculated....he knew exactly what he was doing, and he’s not remotely sorry for any of it, because they took away one of the people he can’t bear to lose JUST as he was starting to get used to the idea that now he might not ever have to actually lose them.

So. Iceberg dead ahead, indeed.

Below the cut: More about the specific ways Bobby and Bishop’s powers work almost exactly opposite, and what that implies for how vulnerable Kate’s true murderer Sebastian Shaw is to the specific friend of hers who appears to have taken point on avenging her death.

Also, me getting rambly again about Bobby’s ultimate potential as the Phoenix/Jean’s true thematic opposite - the inevitable heat death of the universe - and why their fire and ice dichotomy was never a coincidence when the two of them in specific were made the original omega mutants.

Also also, more puns. Because can’t stop won’t stop and they’re necessary. I have a mandate, back off.

So. It was also particularly fitting that Bishop was disturbed by what Bobby was doing because I mean.....again, this isn’t OOC for Bobby, its just he very very VERY rarely gets like this because he IS so aware of how destructive he can actually be and isn’t fully comfortable being a walking force of nature in human/twink form. He signed up to be a disaster gay, not a natural disaster gay. Okay enough with the puns. POINT BEING.....add to that the fact that Bishop, of all the X-Men, has always been the most conscious of the threats they could each be if unchecked, given his original focus on ferreting out who the X-Men traitor was that was destined to lead to the team’s early deaths.

Which means, although it comes up VERY rarely, Bishop has always kept in mind that despite how formidable he himself is, the precise nature of their powers makes him one of the people LEAST suited to deal with the possibility of an out-of-control Bobby Drake on a rampage.....because Bishop’s power is to absorb energy, any kind of energy, and turn it into something he can use offensively himself.

Problem is, despite how often Bobby’s depicted shooting ‘ice beams’....he doesn’t project any kind of energy at all. Its the exact opposite. Bobby’s power at its core is basically a middle finger to the laws of thermodynamics. Cold isn’t an energy after all, its just the absence of heat.....which in turn is really just energy produced by the frenetic kinetic motion of molecules.

Bobby doesn’t project energy, he takes it away. And not even by absorbing it himself, its more he just....makes it go bye-bye. Through some process nobody truly understands, least of all him, but there’s no transfer of energy from one source to another when he uses his powers. Its more that all that kinetic energy in the area he’s focusing on, no matter how small or large it is, the molecular activity responsible for the production of any amount of energy at all.....just....stops.

Again, its why I’ve always said that despite how he’s usually depicted compared to her, Bobby truly is the most ideal thematic opposite to Jean and the Phoenix Force, and its why it was a perfect choice to make him the other original omega mutant, alongside her.

After all, Jean as the Phoenix was always shown as a force of fire and light...and her ultimate potential/destiny was usually written as the reincarnation/resurrection force....essentially, the Phoenix is meant to be the spark that reignites creation, that begins everything again, once destroyed.

Bobby, in contrast, isn’t just the Iceman.....his ultimate potential and destiny could just as easily be described as the natural and NECESSARY counterpart to the Phoenix Force....the inevitable Heat Death of the Universe.

Since, much like global warming, the heat death of the universe is a somewhat misleading title. Because of the emphasis it puts on heat, most people hear it and tend to think of the end of the universe being an explosive thing, one last blaze of glory. But in actuality, another name for the heat death of the universe is The Big Chill or The Big Freeze. The whole theory behind it is that the ultimate fate of the universe is that it will someday reach a point where there is no untapped thermodynamic free energy LEFT to power entropic cycles.

And as entropy is the natural state of the universe....no more entropy means no more universe. It doesn’t imply that the universe would be destroyed or explode, implode, cease to exist....its more that everything would just....stop. Not because it dropped to some specific temperature or anything, but simply because.....there’s no more molecular movement happening. Nothing in motion....and without that molecular motion to PRODUCE energy that in turn powers all the other natural forces/states of being in the universe....nothing can ever happen again, from that point on, basically....

At least not without an outside catalyst, an external force acting to restart, reignite molecular activity, a self-contained power source that could funnel enough external free energy back into the machinery to jumpstart it again....a fuel source for essentially...a Big Bang, an explosion so big that it produces so much free energy that everything starts up again, in whatever new configuration it all settles into in the wake of that primordial explosion. And thus, a universe is born anew, like a phoenix from the ashes, etc, etc.

Anyway, got off on a tangent there, as I am wont to do, but in the vein of my fondness for usually super nice characters who are actually super dangerous if you go about pissing them off in just the right ways, and who could absolutely be the most villainous villains to end all villains if not for their willful and constant choosing of GOOD over self-service and prioritizing their own wants and needs over that of innocents.....

Well, in actuality, the goofy, eternal frat boy, pun-loving, deliberately and consciously immature ‘little brother’ of the X-Men, Bobby Drake....he’s not just an ice sculptor and snow cone maker, for all that he mostly uses his powers just for that stuff, by CHOICE. Because nobody’s more conscious than he that when he really puts his mind to it, there is literally not a more ideal killing machine in the entire Marvel Universe than Bobby himself.

Like, Thanos? Fuck that guy. Thanos would have Bobby-envy if he ever pulled his head out of his own ass long enough to notice someone other than himself.

Plenty of other mutants, superhumans and even cosmic beings are extremely dangerous killers in all kinds of ways, capable of enormous destruction.

None of them are more suited to one specific part of the Celestial endgame than Bobby himself:

He’s the end result of the attempts to engineer a new generation of cosmic beings that could be the architects of a whole new universe, just as they were the architects of the current one.

But in order for a new universe to someday begin, the current one has to someday end.

And the X-Men’s goofy gay twink is the one being noted by Marvel’s current roster of cosmic beings, as being the potential killer of universes needed to make that part of the eternal universal cycle happen.

The guy who one day, thousands or millions or even billions of years from now, in whatever form he exists in by then...

(since omega mutants were originally described as evolution incarnate, those mutants who are constantly evolving themselves even as they live, so that there is no upper limit to how their powers can grow, change, adapt, mutate, with a by-product of this being they all at some point evolve some way of transcending the limitations of physical bodies and mortality).....

....could just snap his fingers and make everything, all energy, all motion, all molecular activity, just.....stop.

Anyway! Obviously, most of that is just hypothetical and conjecture even within universe, and a long way from ever happening in-universe, if at all, and Bobby for all his power now is still nowhere near that point.

BUT....the reason I brought up Bishop’s disturbed reaction at the start of all this, and noted how Bishop himself is uniquely unsuited to dealing with the Iceman on a rampage....

Is that there’s one specific character whose powers work an awful lot like Bishop’s....which means he shares that specific vulnerability to Bobby in particular.

With that being...Sebastian Shaw, the man ultimately responsible for what happened to Kate, the one who actually killed her and set all of this in motion.

Because just as Bishop absorbs all forms of energy and reprocesses it into offensive energy blasts he fires back on his attackers....Sebastian Shaw absorbs all kinetic energy and converts it into superhuman strength. Making him an almost unstoppable tank, as pretty much everyone’s attempt to fight him only makes him stronger, while doing no actual harm to him.

Except...enter Bobby. Who doesn’t need to hit Sebastian to hurt him. Doesn’t need to feed him any energy he can use at all. All he needs to do, is take all the heat in Sebastian away, and he can shatter him into a million pieces, just like he did all those mercenaries’ trigger fingers.

And when people find out Sebastian’s part in all this, he’s going to run, no doubt. He’ll probably slip off the island before anyone can manage to get their hands on him, and he’s got so many resources and connections of his own, he can easily flee to any part of the world without needing gate access, and buy his own private army to defend him.

But when you look at how Bobby was this issue, how relentless and implacable, and how little he cared or even acknowledged any of the armed men before him as any kind of threat at all....

Its very easy to remember that as long as he stays in his ice form, Bobby doesn’t need to eat or drink or sleep or ever stop. Period. And as shown in this issue, he can now teleport across the globe in an instant. There’s pretty much nowhere he can’t reach on his own now.

Like I said. An elemental Terminator jacked up on steroids. There’s nowhere Shaw can go that he can’t follow. No obstacle Shaw can throw up in his path that Bobby can’t shatter and just walk through without slowing. No amount of mercenaries Shaw could hire, that could actually pose any kind of threat to Bobby. And absolutely nothing Sebastian or his own mutant power could do to protect him from the specific advantage Bobby’s own abilities give him in any kind of direct confrontation between them.

In summation.....Bobby Drake, killer of universes, might be billions of years away from reality, if ever.

But even right now, at this point in time.....he’s already evolved into nature’s perfect Sebastian Shaw killing machine.

And I think after this issue, that’s particularly relevant.

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