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desi-lgbt-fest · 10 months

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Nagarkirtan: A Poignant Tale Of Queer Love And Identity

Nagarkirtan tugs at your heartstrings with its unique portrayal of queer love and leaves an impact that stays until long after you’ve watched the film.

He is a man. By day, he delivers Chinese takeaway for an upmarket restaurant. By night, he weaves haunting melodies on his flute as an accompanist for a kirtan choir. His eyes gaze up, dreamily from beneath his curls as they look for her in the crowd. His heart comes crashing down when he can’t find her there. She is a woman. She claps and sings at traffic signals for a living, and wears cheap wigs and padded bras of myriad hues. Her red lips quiver as they long for his touch and her heart flutters when she sees him. One day, she wants to be everything he desires.

One day, she’ll get that sex reassignment surgery, and no longer need those padded bras. She’ll even have her hair done the way he likes

Set in the backdrop of the labyrinthine streets of North Kolkata and then the riverside town of Nabadwip, the Bengali film Nagarkirtan tells the heartbreaking tale of a trans woman (Riddhi Sen) and a cis man (Ritwick Chakraborty).

Directed by filmmaker Kaushik Ganguly, with stellar performances by the lead actors, Nagarkirtan tugs at your heartstrings with its unique portrayal of queer love and leaves an impact that stays until long after you’ve watched the film. The main attraction of Nagarkirtan is actor Riddhi Sen. The National Award winner has genuinely outdone himself as the doe-eyed trans woman, Puti. You can feel Puti’s anxiety in Sen’s furtive glances and shaky movements. Her pain resonates within you with every mournful gaze. With every sway of the hips and shrug of the shoulders, Sen beautifully captures Puti’s growth into a more self-assured, confident young woman. For two hours, one sees Riddhi Sen become Puti, rather than play her.

\ Nagarkirtan’s portrayal of society’s internalised transphobia is sensitive and empathetic, without getting overly preachy or sentimental. In her cameo in the film, India’s first transgender college principal, Manabi Bandyopadhyay, talks about how, despite a sex reassignment surgery, she continues to be barred from women’s restrooms in her college. We get a glimpse into the daily living conditions of the trans community in urban India, marked by poverty, infighting, ostracism, and death. Through flashbacks, we learn about Puti’s transphobic family and her betrayal by a cis man, which led to her escape to Kolkata from her small town. With its commentary on society’s deep-rooted cisnormativity, Nagarkirtan stands out as a rare film that dares to hold up a mirror to the naked realities of the socio-cultural context in which we live. With its commentary on society’s deep-rooted cisnormativity, Nagarkirtan stands out as a rare film that dares to hold up a mirror to the naked realities of the socio-cultural context in which we live. feminisminindia.com The film, in addition to being a poignant love story and scathing social commentary, is an audio-visual treat.

The hypnotic background score by music director Prabuddha Banerjee is comprised entirely of kirtan songs that sing of Radha’s yearning for Krishna, drawing parallels between Radha and Krishna’s forbidden love and Puti’s clandestine relationship with her flute-playing lover. Cinematographer Sirsha Roy’s camera meanders deftly through the sprawling city of Kolkata and the bustling neighborhoods of small-town Bengal, making different landscapes with all their sights and sounds come alive before our eyes. The scenes of physical intimacy between Puti and her lover deserve special mention in how they are artfully executed and never cross the line to being voyeuristic. All said and done, Nagarkirtan remains a one-of-a-kind film that brings conversations about gender and sexuality into the mainstream in a way that very few Indian films can claim to have done.

https://youtu.be/HMs6qCUAOY8

Hopefully, it will set a new precedent for representing queer relationships in Indian, especially Bengali cinema, with more movies deviating from heteronormative tropes. All said and done, Nagarkirtan remains a one-of-a-kind film that brings conversations about gender and sexuality into the mainstream in a way that very few Indian films can claim to have done. Hopefully, it will set a new precedent for representing queer relationships in Indian, especially Bengali cinema, with more movies deviating from heteronormative tropes. And hopefully, we’ll get to see queer characters played by actual queer people. A bit of representation is the least that the community could ask for.

ps kindly see my post i could not submit the pics and links

#submission

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aeoki · 3 months

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Fist of the Shangri-la Idol - Prologue

Location: Fist of the Shangri-la Idol Movie Set Characters: Touri, Subaru, Hokuto, Makoto, Mao, Yuzuru, Eichi & Wataru Season: Summer Writer: Akira

TL Note:

The word used here generally refers to marriage / being wedded.

In Japanese, there are numerous ways to refer to yourself using pronouns. Makoto usually uses the “softer / more polite” (boku / 僕) whereas his character in the movie uses a more “masculine / tough” pronoun (ore / 俺).

In the original script, Eichi tells Yuzuru to switch his personal pronoun and the way to end sentences to the Japanese Kagoshima dialect, which can sound like a completely different language from the standard Japanese dialect. The main takeaway here is that it’s quite jarring to the point the person can seem like another individual completely.

For those who don’t know, this is Subaru’s nickname for Yuzuru.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ< Beginning of June, midday.

ㅤㅤMovie set for the thrilling and entertaining kung fu movie: “Fist of the Shangri-la Idol”. >

Makoto: “I didn’t want to exchange fists with you.”

“You might not believe me, but that’s how I really feel.”

Yuzuru: “Ahh, I see… Is that right?”

“Your reasoning is too shallow!”

Makoto: …!?

Yuzuru: “You’ve always been indecisive and never showed your true feelings! If you can’t find the right words to express the truth, then show it to me with your fists…!”

“Come on, don’t you want to kill me? Or would you rather whisper sweet nothings in my ear as you embrace me!?”

“Your ‘real feelings’ were never properly conveyed – not even a bit…!”

Makoto: ……!? ……!?

W–Wait! Hold a minute!

You’re scaring me, Fushimi-kun!

Also, your kicks and punches are way too fast for me to read! So I can’t tell when to react! Sorry!

Wataru: Alright, cut~♪

Touri: Oh, geez, how many times does that make? Get a grip and do it properly, you two!

I won’t get to appear until we finish this scene! And I’ve already got my makeup done and everything!

Hokuto: Himemiya, your outfit will get ruined if you move about like that. Don’t create more work for the stylist.

Eichi: Hmm. Things aren’t going quite as I would like them to. So this is what filming a movie is like.

Yuzuru: Hm. Was something odd? My usual martial arts are quite bland, so I decided to do some flashy moves instead.

Eichi: Right. Your moves were better but I think you could tone the murderous intent down a little.

Mao: Yeah, I’m just watching from the sides and even I got scared. Do you have a grudge against Makoto or something, Yuzuru?

Makoto’s the one who ends up[⁎] with the “heroine”, Touri, in the movie, so did you get jealous or something?

Yuzuru: Not at all. It would be impossible for a butler to have that sort of relationship with their master in the first place. I’m fully aware of where I stand.

Subaru: Ahahaha! Ahahahaha! Ahahahaha!

Yuzuru: …Did I say something funny, Akehoshi-sama? In fact, you were laughing even while the cameras were rolling, so it was rather distracting.

Makoto: Huh? Really? I didn’t notice at all – It’s amazing you can notice everything, Fushimi-kun.

Subaru: Aha…! Sorry! I’ll be careful next time!

But, you know, it’s just so funny every time Ukki~ says uses that “pronoun”[⁎]~! I can’t help but laugh!

Makoto: I–I’ve got no choice! That’s how the character speaks!

The screenwriter said that’s how the character is~ Doesn’t it make your heart skip a beat when “I’m” acting all tough?

Subaru: Ahahaha! Stop saying that! For real! Good for you, Ukki~ You found yourself a new trademark gag ♪

Hokuto: Yuuki isn’t using that word to make people laugh and you’re the only one who’s laughing, Akehoshi.

…Just how is it funny? Am I the weird one for not knowing why?

Eichi: If the character is very different from the actor’s real personality, then the more strange and unpredictable it can feel for the people around them.

You can say the same for the manzai comedy you all enjoy, right? That’s also something that uses logic to catch people’s thoughts off guard, no?

Anyone would stifle a laugh if it touches on a vulnerable area unintentionally.

Hokuto: Hmm. That’s quite enlightening – I’ll remember that the next time I have work that’s related to comedy.

Makoto: Huh? Was that you trying to be funny? Or are you serious? No fair, Hidaka-kun – The gods of comedy are always smiling down on you!

Hokuto: Well, it’s not my intention to have their blessing…

But now that I think about it, we’ve had a lot of comedy work recently.

Eichi: Where are you all headed towards?

Do you want to fight back and turn this movie into a comedy film? Or a crappy film about a story passed down the generations?

Yuzuru: Please mind your language. Have you grown quite sick and tired of it all, Eichi-sama?

Eichi: No, I’m always serious. You should learn from Makoto-kun too, Yuzuru. How about using the Japanese Kagoshima dialect[⁎] instead?

Yuzuru: …If that is an order, then I will humbly oblige.

Wataru: Hmm~ I have a feeling you would sincerely put on the act without an ounce of embarrassment, so…

I’m afraid it might turn out to be something similar to purposely slipping on a banana just for the laughs and giggles – Something quite painful to watch.

Subaru: Yeah, yeah. It was funny with Ukki~ but not so much with Fusshi[⁎]. I wonder why? That’s where I believe the essence of comedy lies, though. Right, Hokke~!?

Hokuto: Why are you asking me?

Touri: Oh, geez. Why is everything a mess now!?

This is the collab project of our dreams – one between “Trickstar”, the winner of “SS” and “fine, one of ES’ “Big 3”, right?

I thought the movie would be something incredible that would surprise the foolish commoners and knock their socks off~!

Makoto: Well, I don’t think it can be helped. Yumenosaki is all about performing so it’s no wonder we’re not used to acting and being in movies.

Eichi: Oh? Are you criticising Yumenosaki?

Mao: Heheh. You know the old and current student council president is in the room, right, Makoto?

Makoto: I–I don’t mean it like that! I don’t wanna stir the flames!

Eichi: Hehe. You probably don’t need to hear this from me, but we live in a world where even throwing a rock can land and hit someone in the industry…

You should be careful of what you say and do.

I’m sure there are people who make use of that environment and turn it into a “weapon”, but you’re not the kind of people to do that, right? Naturally, we “fine” aren’t as well.

But, well, things are looking grim…

The true “project of our dreams” would be one where we can all level-up during the planning stage.

But we’re simply left with the reality that that dream is just something transient – something we are powerless against.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤNext Chapter →

#shangri-la #enstars translation

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sapphire-weapon · 9 months

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I remember you saying you disliked ID and particularly how Leon was written. While I'm far less familiar with RE compared to you, I thought I'd ask for you to elaborate and go more in depth as to why you thought Leon specifically was poorly portrayed. I actually enjoyed ID and him. Was it a masterpiece? Well, no. It's a video game CGI film. I first came away thinking it was pretty bad, but I learned to enjoy it for what it was.

I found most characters pretty straight forward about who they are what they wanted to do. Claire needed a LOT more screentime, they fucked her up via laziness imo. Leon was fine. He was very cringe inducing (shudders on behalf of Shen May), but I thought it was a good insight to the chokehold that his duty has on him. How he struggles with making the most ethical choices, guilt and how it impacts his relationships with other people. Did ID do this particularly well? Not exactly, but I looked for it and found it.

I HARD agree that Death Island tops it all though. It had a solid story, a great villain, gave Jill a phenomenal comeback (cough, minus the sexist anti-aging bullshit that all RE women are forced to face), we saw Leon getting his shit wrecked (which I personally found funny as hell) and it was actually FUN to watch. It stuck out to me as a film that anybody, particularly those unfamiliar with the franchise, could easily follow and piece together, which other adaptations didn't do. To me, they only felt like "hey, fans who like these characters will GET it, others won't understand the appeal", but maybe I'm wrong.

Anyways, apologies for the novel length ask, I hope you're kind enough to indulge me, lol. Wishing you a wonderful weekend. (Apologies for grammar mistakes, girl I'm high as shit and just really, really enjoy talking bs with other fans, lmfao! I'm the Mr. X anon.)

I didn't say he was poorly portrayed in Infinite Darkness. I said his voice seemed inconsistent and, as a result, gave me the impression that he was going through wild mood swings at varying points of the show.

One scene that particularly comes to mind is towards the very beginning when Jason is trauma dumping on him, like... Leon is the one who initiates that conversation seemingly out of concern/empathy/genuine curiosity, and his tone starting out is one of like "hey lil buddy what's on ur mind we need to be able to work together on shit if we're gonna survive" and then like

out of nowhere, after Jason's story is over, Leon just like

snaps

for no reason? And starts shouting about how no one gives a shit about Raccoon City?

where the fuck did that come from and are you off your meds because you seem a little unbalanced like you might be off your meds

shit literally just comes out of nowhere, almost completely unprovoked, and I have no idea why.

So that's why my takeaway was: I don't feel like ID knew what they wanted Leon to actually be in terms of his placement in his character arc. Is he Mr. Supportive Man of Experience Who's Seen Some Shit? Or is he just full "fuck the police" angry mode? Because putting both not just in the same scene, but in the very same conversation, is just bad dialogue writing.

Like, Leon's character wasn't the problem. There was never a point where I was like "wow, that doesn't sound like him." It all sounded like him, but it sounded like him if you took his lines from the entirety of his character arc and just picked and chose at random which ones he was going to say.

It wasn't the character writing. It was the dialogue writing. Those are two different things. The character was fine. The dialogue was shit.

Infinite Darkness really could've used a first draft.

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monstersinthecosmos · 4 months

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(diff anon) i'd love to hear about what aspects of the fic you mentioned were formative to your own writing style! you're my favorite fic author of all time and i'm truly obsessed with everything you've written like. sorry if i sound like a creep LOL i literally got into VC so i could read your VC fics dude. you're amazing!!!

Dsgasd oh my goddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

First of all, thank you LOL. That’s so kind to say!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But also I feel a little silly like citing this fic as teaching me all these lessons about writing when they are things I am still very much practicing and always trying to achieve; I do not feel I’ve reached the level of The Epic RE Fic That I Idolize but weirdly enough I don’t think my VC fics are really great examples of the things I’m about to point out, since they’re all one shots and silly little smut scenes. I think I’ve carried the RE advice to my Sheith fics in a more meaningful way!!!!!!!! I think my Sheith fics are better samples of my writing and more complete stories that I’m trying to tell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes I wonder how random it is, like, I don’t think this is the BEST FANFIC EVER WRITTEN but it found me at a particular time. Maybe I could have learned these lessons somewhere else. Like there are a few other fics that I treasure deeply that gave me lightbulb moments about writing and it’s like, are they extremely unique? Or did I just find them when I found them? Did they just have the honor of being the first? Idk. But something about this fic is like, it left so many impressions on me in such a formative way that I still think about, and as I’ve gotten older and better at writing and as I become more able to articulate my tastes, I’m still always comparing back to it. And in the years since I’ve read like several million fanfics and I think I’ve developed a sense of what I know that I DON’T like, as well, which dictates to me what I would like to avoid as a writer, and even those things are like in direct opposition to this fic! So like. It just always comes back to this one for me, and maybe if I’d been in different fandoms it would’ve been some other incredible fic, but it happened at this place & time and it is what it is!!!

And for a long time I’ve cited it as my favorite book??????????? Like I do have favorite BOOK books, as well, but. This feels like it’s my favorite book lol. And I think it’s important for fic writers to have that because fanfic writing is a very different medium from original writing, and like a lot of what I like about this fic is SO specific to fanfiction writing in a way that doesn’t apply to writing in general.

But. Here’s some takeaways from the fic that really like created a blueprint for what I like in fics and gave me like the ultimate writing goals of how I would want my fics to be (and I’m still trying to get there!!!) !!! AND IM TRYING REALLY HARD NOT TO WRITE A NOVEL MYSELF I’M TRYING TO KEEP IT SUCCINCT WISH ME LUCK.

(sorry, I did, in fact, write a fucking novel okay i just love this fic so much 😭)

BIG THICC CHAPTERS

So just for the record every time I talk about this fic, it’s actually a duology of TWO FUCKIN FICS!! The first is like 311k and the second is 312k !!!!!!!!!!! That’s 600+ k’s! !!!!!!!!!!!

And to set the stage for you, I was 15 when this fic came out, and I was reading it like chapter to chapter. It’s 23 chapters and I think it was published up to 17 or 18 when I first binged it, so after that I was like reading every update. If I recall it was like ILLEGALLY on FF.net and survived the original purge but got caught later and taken down, so the author had moved updates to a personal website, and would alert everyone about updates with a fucking email list. It was the wild west out there okay.

BUT WHAT I LOVE ABOUT THIS FIC IS THAT THE CHAPTERS ARE LIKE AROUND 15K ON AVERAGE? It’s a nice thicc update. So the update days felt so special. It wasn’t like a bullshit 2k update that you can read in 10 minutes, it was like a nice event to sit down to.

I don’t even try to like set wordcount goals on my fics because like, one of the WHAT NOT TO DO lessons I’ve learned from reading several million fics is like, I really, really, really hate when authors fluff the wordcount with bullshit just to have the number. Like there was a super popular fic in one of my fandoms a few years back that I ALMOST had this experience with because every chapter was like 20-30k and it took me all morning to read on a day off and I was trying so hard to enjoy it but like so much of the body of text was just NONSENSE and like, wasn’t adding to the story at all, was repeating events that JUST HAPPENED in the form of clunky exposition to remind us, and I just felt like the author was trying to be like The Biggest Bestest Writer w/ the Longest Fic and it was just fucking excruciating. LOL. Eventually the updates became exhausting and I wound up skimming them :(. So. I don’t ever want to set that trap for myself.

But the RE fic taught me like, to think about stories (and chapters) as the sequence of events you want to convey, and give them space to breathe! I don’t want to just drop chapters on AO3 because I came to a dramatic stopping point, and I don’t want to just fill my page because I’m antsy to get engagement. I want to actually share stories that are patient and take the time to say what they want to say. And like as a 15 year old when I read this fic for the first time I was VERY MUCH the type of undiagnosed ADHD millennial who had bullshit random ideas and posted 1k at a time of WHATEVER and my page was a MESS. And I just think like, this fic taught me in a huge way to be patient and think about pacing, think about how I’m splitting the parts of the story apart, what makes this bit a “chapter”. It encouraged me a lot to like, think about the long game of how many scenes belong together in one update, vs splitting them into chapters, how to use that effectively, to be patient and not just publish every fucking little milestone just because I finished something and want to share it. LOL. Like just, be patient, write a nice thicc chapter, give it space to breathe, let the readers get through a cup of tea or have a lazy morning inside with it.

Just be PATIENT.

PACING!!!

And the PACING. The way the SLOW BURN builds!

First of all this fuckin fic slow burns you in like SEVERAL DIRECTIONS and when I tell you it is BRUTAL. A lot of this has to do with the canon it’s working with (I’ll talk about this more in a bit) and I don’t want to get too in the weeds with canon details but like the fic is a novel of pre-canon backstory, so like. IT’S THE SUSPENSE VS SURPRISE THING RIGHT? Like, I’m slow burning for usual reasons like waiting for them to work out the mutual pining and fuck already, but also!!!!!!!!! The TENSION waiting for canon stuff to happen!!!!!!!!

Because !!!!! I’ll just tell you right now!!!!!!!! ONE OF THEM FUCKING DIES IN THE GAME OKAY. So this entire time is this investment into a ship where YOU KNOW HE’S GOING TO FUCKING DIE LOL. And like the timeline of the fic takes place over 20 years so it’s covering so much ground and history between them and every update you get closer and closer to the events of the game and it’s just ahdskjglads EXCRUCIATING LOL.

You also know from the game that one of the characters (Birkin) is married and has a child, so like, you slow burn on them hooking up, and THEN you slow burn on “oh god what’s going to happen why does he wind up with a wife this is awful something terrible is going to happen” and then WHEN IS HE GOING TO DIE I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS.

But the fic covers such a huge expanse of story and does such a great job just pacing out all these events, and this also goes to being patient and writing thicc chapters. And it kind of weaves in and out of major events, like there are times the text will just straight up time skip like “Two years passed like this” and other times we like stay very focused on a month or two of important things. And it just feels that everything that gets space and attention moves the plot, everything has a purpose. (Ironically I could have learned this from VC and it's very obvious that the author was a VC fan for a few reasons I'll spare you because this post is too long already and even drops an IWTV joke at one point LOL) [BUT I GUESS READING IT IN A FIC MADE IT FEEL MORE ACCESSIBLE IDK like I learned a lot from Anne Rice but I also don't really want to write like her so I never idolized her prose too literally. I think it maybe is more obvious with a blunter author who cuts to the point LOL.]

EVEN THE SMUT okay like, because, they finally fuck lol, and like, TO ME PERSONALLY I don’t like when slow burns culminate in one fucking smut scene and then it never happens again lmao. I like it when like, the dam breaks and we get a plethora of smut. And this fic is a little tricky because there’s a stretch in the middle WITHOUT smut when they’re having issues around Birkin’s wife hahaha but like. For the most part, once they fuck, there’s at least some smut in each chapter, and it’s never random!!!!!!!!!!!! The plot of the fic is so intertwined with these specific smut scenes, especially bc they imply that like, the ship is fucking 5x a week LOL. So the scenes that we actually get are like, yknow, their first time, or the first time they don’t use a condom, the first time they have make-up sex, the first time they say I love you. You know??? It feels so strategic. I love it!!!!!1

Don’t get me wrong because I’m a big fan of PWPs also LOL but like I really really adore longfics and slow burns that use smut this way, too. There’s room for everybody and all types of porn, so it’s all good LOL but like I really would love if I could write like this and I think about it a lot when I try to plan my fics and it’s something I’m really trying to work on. Smut for the sake of smut is excellent but it’s also just a really fun bonus if there’s like, porn meta lol.

And even like, going back to pacing and time shifts, it’s so graceful !!!!! I feel like I get stuck on transitions a lot in fic, like how to do time skips, and I always go back to this fic to remind myself it’s okay to just go “It was a week later when –” like it’s so simple! So easy! Just do it!

UNAPOLOGETIC EVIL CHARACTERS

Again without getting into the weeds on Resident Evil canon, this is a love story between the two VILLAINS and like. THEY’RE AWFUL PEOPLE LMAOOOO. Some of it is like tropey fake sociopath stuff that we see in fiction, like, I wonder if someone this evil is even capable of loving anything, but it’s KINDA NICE YKNOW like it’s romantic that they cause mass death and their city eventually has to be nuked to stop their virus from spreading even more but they couldn’t give less of a fuck about the 100k+ casualties because all they care about is each other. 😊

And it’s written in such a raw way that honestly I feel like I don’t really see anymore? This could be because the fandoms I read these days don’t really have characters like this, but. For example! When Birkin winds up in a marriage of convenience with this woman, he just slowly devolves into being such a horrific misogynist because he resents her so much? And he’s so unfulfilled as a closeted gay man and fuckin hits her and stuff when he’s frustrated?

Like he’s UNLIKABLE, he’s HATEABLE, so much of the conflict in the story is HIS OWN FAULT and he’s just an awful fucking person, and the text isn’t shy about it! Even writing his POV it’s like, “he couldn’t look at her without losing his appetite” and “it disgusted him to think about her sloppy vagina” LOL it’s just!!! So incredibly raw and messy and honest.

I’m even guilty of shying from things like that in my fics because, while I adore whump, I also think about my stories as fantasy spaces, and I don’t often want to bring real world harm into them. I think a lot of fandoms have this, like this established fanon space where we write fics where there’s no homophobia, for example. I don’t see a lot of fics anymore about coming out, or being closeted. They’re around!!! But I think I used to see them a lot more 20 years ago because the generation of writers were struggling with it so much more, maybe.

Again, maybe just the fandoms I write and read for, idk. Like VC doesn’t feature homophobia in canon, VLD takes place in the future and it doesn’t come up, YOI is like a fantasy world and the creator even said that homophobia doesn’t exist there. So yeah idk like. I have read fics like this, they’re out there, it just doesn’t feel very common, and it’s especially uncommon to take that direction of portraying the blorbo as a misogynist and spousal abuser, you know?

BUT !

I LOVE IT because, you’re still rooting for them LOL. Like, Birkin punches his wife and complains about her sloppy vagina and I’m like YEAH GET BACK TO WESKER! GET SOME DICK! Like it WORKS because I’m on his side LOL. It’s just a really interesting exercise in characterization and like, how to still like people in the text who are just completely awful that you’d never forgive in a million years if they were real.

I’m sure this is around in like Kylux or something, this has gotta still be a thing in other fandoms LOL, I just personally don’t see it a lot. Even VC fandom could be better at this, you know. 😊 Make them scumbags !!!

SMUT PHYSICALITY

There’s something really funny about how the smut is written and it’s like. At a glance I always think it’s just outdated because like we’ve collectively all nailed down some better vocab for smut that I see these days LOL but also it feels meta because the two characters are like evil scientist sociopaths so everything is sort of clinical and dry. Like there’s a lot of rectums and anuses and penises LOL. And it always makes me chuckle a little when I reread until I get re-acclimated.

But what I think it kinda does brilliantly is it zooms out and like shows so much structure and choreography for the smut. So like. I’m really glad that this fic was so important to me as a teen because I hadn’t written a TON of smut and really started writing it a lot after coming back to writing fic in my late twenties after a really long break, and I’m just really grateful to have this foundation because it made me think about the bones of a smut scene so much. Nowadays I think fandoms and smut writers have collectively bounced vocab off each other and we’ve like osmosis hiveminded so much great technique for smut writing and I’m so glad that smut scenes are so much more stylish and sensual these days but it’s nice to have this foundation too and to come back to like, how people move and what they’re doing beneath all the sleek words.

THE EXPANSION OF CANON !!!!!!1

I’m still, 20 years later, so goddamn impressed with how this author was able to expand canon the way they did??????????

Because like, if you’ve never played Resident Evil, these two characters are NPCs and villains, and in Resident Evil most of the canon information is delivered to you via documents. Like you explore areas and find documents laying around or find people’s journals and you read them and that’s where all the world building and exposition and clues are taught to you.

So like, we know these two worked for Umbrella in the 70s because there’s a photo of them outside the building in the 70s. We know the names of their coworkers because we find a lab report signed by someone named Ross.

Like, in any fandom we’ll have these bits of pre-canon or backstory that are delivered in crumbs, but WOW IS THIS FIC GLUED TOGETHER WITH FUCKING CRUMBS. And the amount of research the author did on like SCIENCE LOL is so ?? idek how accurate it is or if they’re just bullshitting but I BUY IT LOL it feels right, feels natural while you’re reading, makes perfect sense! Because there’s so much about like the work they’re doing in the labs, and like details about the projects, etc.

Just, going back to pacing, it’s incredible how many subplots the author wove together to like fill twenty years of time. For example, in canon, we meet Wesker in the first game where he’s a rat inside the police department running a special ops team, and by the end of the game you find out he’s worked for Umbrella the entire time and is delivering you to be slaughtered so that they could get combat data. So in the fic there’s like, the whole section about how Wesker decides to start this special ops team and put in the time to pose as a cop, and how he actually has to do police work !!!!!!! And he solves bizarre murders!!! And does paramilitary training !!!! And it’s such a great section of the fic and I love it!

Like there’s just so much thought to using canon as a framework and like finding all these spaces to uncover and fill with your own ideas. Even giving Wesker and Birkin family histories, which we never get in the games! Wesker has a whole fucking family! His sister is a fleshed out OC in the fic that shows up a lot and she’s amazing! I love her!!!

It just feels so much like the SPIRIT of fanfic to me and what I like to see, what types of things I like to think about when I’m like in blorbo hell. I DO think about all these uncovered spaces and want to know more. I want to know everything! I have to make these decisions as a writer! I want to make up headcanons about people’s families and histories so that I have that point of reference when I’m writing, even if I never have the chance to reveal it in the fic itself!!!

I like when canonverse fics pay this much attention to detail and feel PLAUSIBLE. It just really inspires me as a challenge to see how plausible I can make fics!!!!!!! Some people like face canon and walk backwards into hell lol but I really enjoy this as a creative exercise and this fic like really showed me how much you can make up while still be so plausible!!!!!! And it deepens my enjoyment of the source!!!!! Because I re-play the games and I'm like OH THIS IS THE ROOM WHERE SUCH&SUCH HAPPENED, THIS MUST BE WHERE THEY HAVE THAT ARGUMENT OFF SCREEN, etc.

AND ALSO LIKE THE THING THAT FUCKS ME UP SO MUCH is that the first fic was written after CODE: Veronica so it covers like the timeline up until that game, and then they have the entire fucking 312k sequel that came out before Resident Evil 4 so they were out of canon to use AND JUST MADE SOME SHIT UP!!!!!!!!!!11 And to this day I prefer how the fic went over canon LMFAO. This fic is my actual Resident Evil canon, bye!!!

But it was so rich and layered, so well paced, so thicc and fulfilling, so thoughtful !!!!!!!! So well written! It’s incredible how these two fics are like a pre-canon AND post-canon fic, like that’s so much thought work to do about THE THING, you know? I fucking admire it so much!!!!!!!!!!

Gosh.

AND ANYWAY BONUS POINT ABOUT ADULTS IN FANDOM

Reading this fic at 15 I was so impressed with like the worldly references and point of view and life experience of the writer and I kept thinking “wow this writer must be a fucking grown up” LOL and like, I don’t think fandom spaces were as segregated by age back then and it wasn’t so uncommon for adults & minors to mingle in the same space because no one gave a shit, but I do know that the friends I made were usually around my age because we gravitated towards each other, and it always gave me the impression that the fandom was like all high schoolers. And especially like once FFnet did the purge and we were sharing on LJ more it’s like, fics being posted in between everyone’s entries about their day at high school lol.

Anyway so, I just remember like, appreciating so much that older people were writing fics, too, and some of it was like just very obvious life experience that came through in the text, but also like being able to characterize adult characters are adults, if that makes sense. Like I don’t want to generalize every teen writer but I do know that when I was a teen, all my characters tended to behave like teens. And I noticed it in my peers’ fics, too, like, the amount of melodrama and crying and like world-shattering interpersonal conflicts that an adult could like, very easily solve or avoid LOL. So it was really awesome to read like, adults written by adults, and again like even though I was a very avid reader of traditional books, too, and reading lots of adults that way, reading fanfiction is such a different experience when you see the same character written by several different people and notice how everyone portrays them differently. It just made me start thinking about stuff like that as a writer, like how much was I projecting, how much does everyone project, how much can you insert about your own experience and point of view without mangling the character?

And like, I stopped sharing fanfic online after the LJ strikethrough because all the fanfic spots kinda died at that point, and then I was like working full time at 17, and then I started college when I was 21, and just a few years went by where I dismissed fanfic as my silly high school hobby that isn’t for adults, EXCEPT THAT I WOULD REMEMBER THE RE FIC WAS CLEARLY WRITTEN BY AN ADULT, and so when I rejoined fandom and started writing fic again when I was like 27 I remember feeling like I had something to contribute and I was so happy to be an adult in fandom writing cool stories with all my patience and life experience.

AND LIKE OVERALL NOW I THINK, IDK, THE WAY THE INTERNET LANDSCAPE HAS CHANGED AND THE WAY MILLENNIALS ARE COMING INTO MIDDLE AGE LOL, I feel like I still mostly interact with my peers, but I still see like the ageism in fandom from younger folks here and there, and I’m just like. Whatever kids, the grownups are the ones writing all the good fic. 😎

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hellofeanor · 3 years

Text

Fëanorian Quenya

Hey friends! Do you like elves? Do you like the Silmarillion? Do you like Fëanor and co? And most of all, do you like spending hours thinking about minor details pertaining to made-up languages??? If so, boy do I have a treat for you! Let’s delve into the weird world of Fëanorian Quenya and explore some history and mechanics of why they talk Like That.

I’ve seen a lot of posts joking about the Fëanorian lisp, which is about as funny as a joke about a speech impediment can be. 👍 It’s important to understand, though, that this IS a joke. No, they didn’t really speak with a lisp. Yes, they did pronounce some S sounds as TH. That’s the critical disclaimer here: SOME. It’s not a blanket pronunciation. There’s a lot of background research that goes into determining which words would be pronounced with S and which would be TH, and that’s what we’re going to look at.

So if this is something you’ve come across in fandom and you’re not totally sure on the details, or if you ARE sure and just want some more in-depth info, read on.

The stuff probably everybody knows already

For anyone who’s been hanging around the Fëanorian corner of the Silm fandom for more than three minutes, there’s about a 100% chance you’ve heard of Fëanor’s penchant for retaining an archaic TH pronunciation after the majority of the Noldor went ahead and started pronouncing this sound as S instead. You may also know that this sound is represented by the letter thorn (Þ) in HoME, but since thorn doesn’t exist in modern English orthography and it’s a pain to keep typing the ALT code, I’m sticking to TH here. Anyway, all this was due to the fact that Fëanor was a huge mama’s boy, and his mom Míriel Therindë (later called Serindë, which made Fëanor want to punch walls and possibly also fellow elves) was an outlier who retained the TH after it fell out of use. Her son Fëanor, in turn, kept this up to honor her. Now, whether or not he would have bothered if this sound hadn’t literally been a critical part of her name is debatable, but that debate is outside the scope of this essay.

Fëanor continued to use the TH pronunciation until his death, and required his sons to use it as well. Finwë, however, switched over to S after the death of Míriel and before his marriage to Indis. Fëanor, reasonable and level-headed as he was, took this as a personal insult and decided that anybody who rejected TH likewise rejected him. So presumably, his loyal followers would have obeyed his totally reasonable demands not to give in to the seductive S-shift.

Why tho

Why did the Noldor decide to alter their pronunciation from TH to S? Great question. Nobody really knows. For the hell of it? IDK. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ But the important thing to understand is that elves, and especially Noldor, were really committed to making sure their language sounds cool. This is why it changed so much and so comparatively quickly for an immortal population: they were actively invested in changing it. They liked inventing new words and exploring new sounds and messing around with grammar.

So at some point some influential Noldo might have been like, hey y’all, let’s stop saying TH and say S instead! And everyone (except Míriel I guess, who was known for her elegant manner of speech and didn’t want to muck that up by changing pronunciation of a whole letter) was like, whoa, capital idea my good egg. And they went with it. Previous ideas along these lines included ‘hey y’all, let’s stop saying KH and say H instead’ and ‘hey y’all, let’s stop saying Z and say R instead’, and those went over swimmingly. Nobody could have foreseen the problem this TH to S business would cause.

Now here’s a fun fact. There was another change to Noldorin pronunciation that happened AFTER Fëanor’s birth, that he himself was involved in. This one was all about bilabial to labiodental F. And those sure are some words, so if you don’t know what I’m talking about (I don’t blame you), BILABIAL is a more whispery sound that happens when you say F using only air passing through your pursed lips, and LABIODENTAL is when you say F with your top teeth touching your bottom lip. Going forward I’m going to use PH to represent the bilabial sound, and F for the labiodental.

So F got on the radar of the Noldor via the Teleri, who used this sound in their language. And ol’ Fëanor figured it would be awesome to incorporate it into Quenya because he thought the PH sounded too close to HW, and the two were getting confused by lazy speakers. Why did he care? Because of his dad’s name and his own, of course. If people started to get lazy in their pronunciation, we’d end up with Hwinwë and Hwëanáro, which would be terrible and stupid and unacceptable. He accused the Vanyar of leaning down that road, and he wanted to stop that kind of shift before it happened to the Noldor. How to do that? Why, by instigating a different shift from traditional Noldorin PH to Telerin F!

“Hey y’all, let’s stop saying PH and say F instead!”

“Whoa, capital idea my good egg.”

Moral of the story: Fëanor is only concerned with Quenya pronunciation insofar as it affects his own name and the names of family members he likes. He does not care whether it’s staying the same or moving to a new sound so long as it personally makes him feel good and his name sound cool. Therefore the true way to piss him off would be to call him Curuhwinwë Hwëanáro, son of Serindë.

Okay so here’s how it works

Now that history is out of the way, let’s get back to how TH was used by the Fëanorians. As I mentioned earlier, TH wasn’t a blanket pronunciation. It all depended on the original form of the word, and whether the root had a TH or an S. And some very similar-sounding words come from different roots, so this can get tricky. A great resource that’ll give you this information is Eldamo: Quenya words where the S was originally TH are marked out with the Þ (thorn) symbol in the wordlist.

Some examples:

Súlë (spirit, breath) comes from the root THŪ, which means it would be pronounced with a TH. Silma (white crystal) comes from the root SIL, so it and related words like Silmaril would be pronounced with an S. No Fëanorian would say Thilmaril. Isil (moon), however, is a similar-sounding word that comes from a different root: THIL. Olos (mass of flowers) comes from the word LOTH, but: Olos (dream) comes from the root LOS. Fëanorian pronunciation would immediately differentiate between these two words.

While Fëanorians may have retained the distinct pronunciation of TH vs S, other Noldor can still differentiate between original S and S-that-used-to-be-TH in their writing. There are specific tengwar to use depending on the word’s original form. Silmë (the one that looks like a 6) is used for original S, while súlë (or thúlë, the one that looks like an h) is used for original TH.

Which other elves used this sound in their speech?

Fandom has really latched on to this TH as a Fëanorian thing, but it wasn’t that exclusively. The TH sound was actually ubiquitous in other elven languages, and in Valinor, only the Noldor dropped it. It was still used in Telerin and in Vanyarin Quendya. The Vanyar retained the TH not because of anything to do with Míriel, but just because they were a little more conservative and their language didn’t pick up on all the changes that the Noldor made. They also noped out of the Z to R shift the Noldor initiated, opting to keep the Z around.

When Indis married Finwë, she stopped using the normal Vanyarin TH and switched over to S as a gesture of loyalty to him and his people. Finarfin, however, out of love for the Vanyar and Teleri, switched BACK to TH. I like to think about how much it would have annoyed Fëanor that his snot-nosed kid brother was speaking correctly, but for the wrong reason. Go down one more generation, and Galadriel very specifically did not use TH. But this time it was absolutely a choice made as a glaring middle finger to Fëanor.

What this means for your fanfic or whatever

The big takeaway here: you can’t just have Fëanorians replace every S with TH and call it a day.

If you’re inventing names for your Fëanorian OCs or coming up with phrases for them to say, it’s important to look into the history of all Quenya S-words you end up using to determine if they should be S or TH. If Fëanor got mad about somebody saying Serindë instead of Therindë, he’d get equally mad about somebody saying Thilmaril instead of Silmaril and assume they were mocking him. Remember: this is a dude with no chill. (On the other hand, if you WANT somebody to be mocking Fëanor, Galadriel would 100% do this because she has an equally negligible amount of chill.)

It’s also important to note that the TH isn’t a true shibboleth, since pretty much all elves EXCEPT the non-Fëanorian Noldor use it. And even the S-preferring Noldor would still be able to pronounce the TH. Those who went into exile would go on to use it commonly in Sindarin, and those who remained in Valinor would still encounter it among the Vanyar and Teleri. So if you’re writing a scene where somebody has to pronounce a TH word to prove their loyalty… yeah, everyone can pass this test. And in the opposite direction, you can’t use TH to prove somebody’s an evil Fëanorian, either. They might just be Vanyarin or something. Or, like. Really Old.

Would the sons (and followers) of Fëanor keep using TH after his death? Oh hell yeah. This is an entire family unfamiliar with the concept of not dying on hills. They will keep using it unto the ending of the world. Actually, with Sindarin becoming the common language of Middle-earth from the First Age, probably not a lot of change happened in exilic Quenya. It became a lore language: a piece of living history. It would have been preserved as it was when the original speakers left Valinor.

(And then, thousands of years later, Galadriel finally returns home to Tirion like, Long have mine eyes awaited this most blissful of sights, and ne’er hath my sprit soared with such grace, for I am returned! And all the Amanyar Noldor stare at her like, whatchu bangin on bout, eh? Because they had nothing better to do in the peace of Valinor than push Quenya to brave and frankly questionable new horizons.)

Anyway, there you go: a somewhat brief history of Fëanorian Quenya. I hope you found this informative and useful, or at the very least not boring. Obvs this is super condensed and, uh, not particularly scholarly, but I promise I know what I’m talking about. I have a university degree! (Not in anything even remotely related to what’s written above, but I hardly see how that’s relevant. It’s still a DEGREE.)

Questions? Need clarification or want more info? My asks are always open!

#feanor #silmarillion #quenya #tolkien #middle earth

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canonicallysoulmates · 3 years

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Just saw your post about the post phase 1 Marvel movies and the meme you used for CA:CW. So I'm here to ask and get you cancelled. What did you think about the movie? Are you Team Stark or Team Rogers?

........................................................I knew this day would come......okay, let's get me cancelled!

I hate this movie, I hate this movie with every fiber of my being. Watching it was torture, it as the longest 20hrs of my life. It was like living out one of those very confusing math problems I started this movie at 10am somehow 6pm rolls around and there are still 2hrs left! Coño cómo?! I watched this with my mom, and when we checked how much time was left we were left looking at each other like 'que carajo what twilight zone bullshit is this?' It's one of those Marvel movies that I am so glad I did not waste my money on, I wish I could get a refund for my time but I made my choice and I shall now have to deal with it.

I hate this movie for many reasons but I'm not gonna make y'all wait any longer for what you're really here for because I know what y'all really want to know is whether I am Team Iron Man or Team Captain America. When it comes to the political aspects ie. the Accords, I am Team Neither.

Now, I cannot get into a comprehensive debate about the Accords because the writers did a shitty ass job, in a 2 and a 1/2 hour movie that felt like a lifetime, at explaining what exactly the Accords are in the movie universe. Emphasis on the movie universe, because I have seen debates go on in this motherfucking fandom where some people will bring up aspects from the comics Registration Acts but we're not talking about the comics okay, we're talking about the movies! And they're two fucking different things! And the movie did a shitty ass job at explaining what the Accords are, and that's one of the reasons I hate this movie: that it's so badly written.

But back to the point, which is where I stand on the teams when it comes to the politics, I am Team Neither because ultimately they were both idiots on how they handled this, and I think they both have good points like yes the Avengers and other superheroes should 100% be held accountable if they fuck up, the fact that they are superheroes and the "good guys" doesn't mean that their actions shouldn't have consequences but at the same time Steve's mistrust of the government and concerns that the team and others could be weaponized are also valid so I think they both have good points when it comes down to it and the smart thing to do - and in my opinion what would have made a much better film- would have been to come together and make like a counterproposal, decide on amendments, try to ensure they can get a representative so they have a voice on the table.

So, there you go when it comes to the Accords I am Team Neither however when it comes to the characters and their actions I am 1,000% Team Tony. At the end of the day he wanted to do what was best for both people and for his team, he wanted to keep the team together because he knew they were stronger together, and he was thinking long term not short term.

And then there's Steve who is an asshole in this film and completely lacks self awareness, cause there's a scene in the film after they've found out about the Accords where Steve goes "that's because he already made up his mind" about Tony and I'm just like bitch so did you, pot meet kettle, Rogers you knew from the get go that you weren't going to sign those papers don't go acting different and then like- here's the thing Steve has some very good points when it comes to the Accords but one of his points is that the UN is filled with people with agendas and agendas change which true but also motherfucker you yourself have an agenda! The whole Sokovia mess is an example that they cannot be trusted to hold themselves or each other accountable because inevitably the time will come where they'll want to protect their team mate like we see in this movie Steve do with Bucky, or how he wanted to protect Wanda because he looks at her as if she were a child not an adult. Steve, you lot are not exempt from having your own agendas and biases.

And through pretty much the entire movie, he has this whole my way or the highway attitude like this man does not know the meaning of compromise in this film, and he has such tunnel vision for Bucky- and listen! listen, listeeeeeen, I get it, I don't judge Steve for making his bestie a priority; I understand that Bucky is incredibly important to Steve, that he's the one person who's gonna look at him as just Steve and not as the Steve Rogers, I get that he carries a guilt over what happened to his friend, I understand he misses him, I understand all of that and respect the ride or die game but goddamn he was so focused on being a good friend to Bucky that he forgot about everyone and everything else and was a shit friend to Tony.

Actually a lot of people in this film were shit to Tony for no goddamn reason but Steve was such a shitty friend not telling Tony about his parents, that was a shitty ass thing to do and listen! I know what some of y'all are thinking you're thinking some version of 'he wanted to protect Tony' shut the fuck up. No, no, that's an excuse and it's a cheap one, you know damn well that was a shitty thing for Steve to do and y'all know damn well you would have reacted the same way Tony did if someone who you thought was your goddamn friend knew about something horrible that happened to people that were important to you and they never told you; that kind of shit hurts, and finding out someone you thought of as a friend doesn't care about you as much as you care about them hurts.

And y'all know goddamn well how emotions work, you know emotions aren't gonna wait for the rational brain to kick in don't some of y'all go playing dumb as if you didn't know this shit. Same way deep down all of y'all know Tony was holding his punches, that man gave Thanos a fight and got some blood if he had wanted to kill Bucky he would have. Don't none of y'all motherfuckers try to play games and act like you don't know this info.

Steve was a shit friend to Tony. Period. The least he could have done is have some empathy or compassion towards Tony when he saw his parent's being killed- and I swear to motherfucking god to the person who is getting close to their keyboard thinking of saying he showed compassion by not killing him back the fuck away from your motherfucking keyboard what did I tell you about playing stupid, this is properly tagged, stay in your fucking lane. Some of y'all be acting as if it were still 2016 and we're gonna be talking about that too, anon wanted my opinion on this film so now I'm going off.

Back to what I was saying, in some ways Steve wasn't a perfect friend to Bucky either cause he kept looking at Bucky and thinking of the guy he used to know but Bucky's not that person anymore, he's been through a lot of shit and it feels at times like Steve didn't fully realize that.

I hate Steve in this movie, I wanna punch him in the throat; he's an ass, he thinks he's above the rules, he's unaware of his own flaws, he might be a good friend to Bucky but that's it. I don't blame Steve though I blame the writers cause they're the ones who wrote him this way; moving on from Steve, I wanna talk about Wanda real quick, I don't hate the character of Wanda but I do hate the way she was written in this film, I hate that the writers expect us as an audience to look at this adult and think of her as a defenseless child who should be exempt from consequences, I hate that instead of actually doing something with her and exploring some interesting dynamics they just give her an AI boyfriend and a pinterest quote which sounds nice but falls flat especially considering she says said quote as she uses her powers (which is what people are afraid of) to send her love interest down several floors of a building. They could have done so many cool and interesting things with her, shame they didn't.

Another thing I hate about this film is what it did to the fandom, and how it was promoted because it was very much promoted as a pick your fighter, pick a side type of movie and after this movie came out I feel like the divide between Tony fans and Steve fans grew toxically and the effects are still seen to this day like some people really do be acting as if it were still 2016 and attacking others for what side they went with or for who their fav between the two is, and I'll be very honest a lot of the hate I have seen has been directed towards Tony and Tony fans. I hate that, I hate when TPTB deliberately pits fans against each other cause it just encourages a toxic environment.

Let me think was there anything that I liked about this film- wait, oh my god talking about all these other things I hate almost made me forget the thing I hate the most about this movie: it's pointless. Its existence is unnecessary; the biggest aspect of this film isn't the politics of the Accords, it's Steve and Bucky and how far Steve is willing to go for Bucky and have him by his side...but Endgame exists. The end of Endgame turns this film pointless, because the only true point of this movie is the relationship between Steve and Bucky that's the biggest takeaway from the whole thing, but then you have the end of Endgame where Steve just leaves Bucky.

I hated this film before I saw Endgame but after.....I never plan to watch Civil War again but if I did I'm pretty sure I'd self combust cause I'd be so angry I'd scream every time Steve appeared cause that son of a bitch ends up leaving; tears the whole team apart only to end up leaving his friend behind in the end.

I hate this film, I hate everything about it, well that's not true I love the Tony and Peter stuff, but aside from a couple of things I hate this movie, someone give me time stone I'm eliminating it from the timeline.

So, there you go those are my thoughts on CA: CW.

In conclusion, I am Team Neither on the Accords, Team Tony on everything else, Steve I still like you but this movie demoted you in my eyes and makes me wanna punch you in the throat.

#i clearly had a lot to say #anon do you see the pandora's box you've opened #anti captain america civil war #anti civil war #anti cacw #steve rogers critical #pro tony stark #mcu negativity #mcu fandom critical #wanda maximoff critical #anti steve rogers #i'm not anti steve but i did say this post would be properly tagged #non spn #anon #ask #long post

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jaskiersvalley · 3 years

Note

Feral jaskier and himbo geralt are always lovely!!! “So many questions and not enough brain cells” was absolutely MAGNIFICENT

Nonnie, I am so happy you liked that line. It gave me a chuckle to write it too. Feral Jaskier and himbo Geralt are such a delight, I now feel the need to write a little more for you. Movie stars, stunt doubles and idiots ahoy!

Incidentally, this also seems to fit my @sugar-and-spice-witcher-bingo square ‘sharing a brain cell’.

Prompt: Sharing a brain cell Relationships (romantic/platonic/etc): Geralt/Jaskier, Lambert/Eskel/Cahir/Aiden Rating: T Content Warnings: None Summary: Geralt is the star of a TV series with Jaskier as his on screen arch nemesis. Thankfully that rivalry doesn’t carry into real life.

The set was like a second home by that point. Geralt spent a good nine months of the year there, the crew feeling like family. It was their fifth season of filming, Geralt couldn’t quite get tired of the monster of the week format though. He loved it, loved how cheesy it was and the fact that it was a production that didn’t bait or bury their characters. The natural chemistry he’d had with Jaskier made it so much easier too. They had kissed on screen enough times that he was intimately familiar with the shape of Jaskier’s lips and the taste of the lip balm he wore. That had started three seasons ago and Geralt had been quietly wishing they could kiss away from the cameras too. So he had been planning, even seeking out the advice of those he trusted - namely Eskel and Lambert.

That had been a surprise friendship that Geralt had discovered. Eskel was brought in as he stunt double for more tricky shots. Usually, Geralt liked to do his own stunts but falling off a horse at a gallop was a little beyond him. As was surviving Jaskier’s rather flamboyant fighting style. Just for a laugh Geralt had sat in on a few of Jaskier’s training session and he was so very torn between laughing his arse off and feeling sorry for Cahir who was doing his best to help them train for their fight scenes. For all his patience and expertise, Jaskier seemed determined to add his own flair. The number of times Jaskier accidentally smacked Geralt, Eskel and Cahir during training and on takes was truly staggering. It could have been a blooper reel all on its own.

Thankfully it was a short day, something about a number of the crew requesting the evening off. As it was towards the end of filming, they were within the time budget, it had been declared that they could all have the evening off.

“Just make him a home cooked meal,” Eskel advised. “Guys love that, trust me.”

“It work for you?” Geralt was a little sullen and sceptic. He didn’t think a home cooked meal was what Jaskier would want. On screen they were enemies with a terrible habit of falling into bed. The reality probably wasn’t so far off either. Though, at least, they had become friends after a rocky start.

“Would I be celebrating my fifth anniversary this evening if it didn’t?” There was no small amount of entertainment in Eskel’s face. “It’s not like my looks are what draw anyone in.”

That had been an unfortunate accident from before Geralt’s time. Some pyrotechnic stunt had gone horribly wrong and left Eskel with the scars. If it hadn’t been for those and the different coloured hair, Geralt was sure they could have been mistaken for brothers, if not twins. Still, now Eskel only worked on sets where Lambert was the one in charge of anything fire related. Which was just as well because Geralt liked Lambert, enjoyed trading barbs with him whenever their paths crossed. As Geralt’s fame climbed, he got to ask for more and more things in contracts and, as he was fond of Eskel, he asked for him as a stunt double whenever he could and then asked for Lambert if the set called for it. It was nice to have so much power and be able to work with those he liked. Interestingly, Cahir was fast becoming another person who Geralt got on with quite well. That wasn’t to say Geralt wasn’t scared shitless of him at the start. Nobody should know so much about fighting with so many weapons without having a very colourful past - one that Cahir refused to talk about. Still, the guy was good at his job and Geralt could talk to him, so his advice was sought out too.

“Just tell him. Bring him something you know he will like. Show an interest in him and his life outside of set.”

For the first time ever, Geralt felt that Cahir was in a rush. He wasn’t quite as patient and measured as usual.

“Excited for the evening off?” he asked, trying to be friendly. And maybe he was practicing Cahir’s advice on him so he could be sure it worked when he talked to Jaskier.

A soft, shy smile crossed Cahir’s face, making him look younger and much less severe. “That obvious? It’s my anniversary today. I want to make it special.”

“Maybe bring them a gift that they’ll like?” Geralt offered with an amused smile. “I have it on good authority that it works.”

Laughing, Cahir clapped Geralt on the shoulder. “Best of luck. Now go get your man.”

Finding Jaskier wasn’t an issue, Geralt just had to follow the sound of laughter and singing. Unsurprisingly, Jaskier was sat with a gigantic sparkler while Lambert was packing away. Those two were a dangerous combination at the best of times and Geralt knew Jaskier had, on more than one occasion, dropped by the writers’ room to posit new ideas that centred around more pyrotechnics. The ideas had obviously come from Lambert but they were mostly good so got used surprisingly frequently.

“Aha! My companion for the evening has arrived!” Jaskier hopped off the box he had been swinging his legs off and approached Geralt. “What say you? Dinner. You and me. We enjoy this rare evening off with some good company and good food.”

“Sounds good,” Geralt agreed readily, it saved him having to ask Jaskier.

Turning back, Jaskier waved at Lambert. “Enjoy your anniversary this evening! Make sure you can walk properly tomorrow though!”

Another anniversary. While Geralt had been feeling quite confident about asking Jaskier out, the news that it was yet another person’s anniversary somewhat ruined the idea. Geralt knew Jaskier liked to be unique, adored being different to everyone else. To ask him out now and share an anniversary with three people they knew, it felt a little less special. Mood taking a bit of a dive, Geralt slouched next to Jaskier as they walked towards the cars.

“Why the glum face?” Typically, nothing went over Jaskier’s head. “Would you prefer a night of solitude?”

Shaking his head, Geralt resigned himself to the knowledge that Jaskier would wheedle until he got the truth out of him. So he saved them both a lot of time and agony. “It’s stupid.”

“Nothing’s ever stupid, just needs to be valued correctly.”

“I wanted to ask you something. But make it special. It’s not special though, not today. Maybe I’ll try tomorrow.”

That made not a lick of sense to Jaskier and he frowned, bumping his shoulder against Geralt’s. “Just ask.”

“But it won’t be special. Three other couples we know have an anniversary today.”

A soft laugh from Jaskier pulled him from his grumblings. “So many people have their anniversaries every day. It’s not like one single day can be declared as only one couple’s.”

For someone so smart, Jaskier sure wasn’t putting the pieces together to solve just what Geralt was trying to say.

“But would you really want an anniversary when Lambert, Eskel and Cahir each have theirs too?” It was actually a little odd, now that Geralt thought of it. Three good friends all sharing an anniversary.

There was a moment of silence before Jaskier was rounding on Geralt, hands on his shoulders to stop him mid-walk.

“Dear heart, please tell me I’m hearing this wrong. Firstly, if I was so lucky as to have an anniversary, I wouldn’t care who I shared it with. I would love to simply have one, especially if you’re offering to have one with me. Secondly, please tell me you know why those three all have their anniversary date today.”

Mind whirring, Geralt tried to process everything Jaskier had just said. He picked the easier bit to reply to first. “They were on a night out together and met their partners at the same time? Bit like how people date within the same friendship groups or even date siblings?”

Face falling, Jaskier cursed under his breath. “And I thought I wasn’t being obvious enough. Oh dear. Geralt, those three, it’s their anniversary together. As in they’re all dating each other. And Aiden is at home, waiting for them. He got the day off today too.”

Geralt’s jaw fell slack. He couldn’t quite believe it. “They-they’re together?!”

“And they’ve not been subtle at all about it!” Jaskier was laughing. “I love you but you are so dumb, I swear.”

That forced Geralt back into the moment and he smiled. “I love you too.”

He didn’t expect an enthusiastic kiss out in the open but he really didn’t mind it at all. With a huff of a laugh Geralt returned it, arms wrapping around Jaskier’s waist.

“Come on then,” Jaskier finally said as he broke away. I believe we have our zero-th anniversary to have and make a solid start on new traditions. I think we should order takeaway as a treat for our anniversaries from now on.”

Laughing, Geralt linked their hands. He liked the idea of anniversary traditions. Jaskier most definitely had the best ideas.

#geraskier #eskel/lambert/cahir/aiden #geralt of rivia #jaskier #eskel #lambert #Cahir Mawr Dyffryn aep Ceallach #get together #movie stars au #tldr: geralt tries to ask jaskier out

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frederickthegreat · 4 years

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my thoughts on TUA season 2

(spoilers, obviously)

- opened with Klaus and Ben, my kings. Klaus’s hair looks so weird straightened while short

- AWESOME opening soundtrack

- seeing all their powers so controlled makes me wonder how they leveled up to that skill in the alternate timeline. like the only time we saw Klaus use the powers of other ghosts in the correct timeline was when two of them caught him falling out of the sky. however Diego did end up controlling bullets and Allison used her voice to technically kill one of the Swedes

- the homeless man screaming Allison’s name alongside Luther... funny shit

- big teddy bear Hazel

- Elliot was fucking awesome i think he was a great addition as a side character. rip tho :(

- honestly i don’t understand why Diego would WANT to save JFK. like it’s not that big of a deal. does he not understand what messing with the timeline can do??

- Lila... impeccable

- Sissy and Vanya... impeccable <3

- yeah and fuck u Carl

- ugh, Klaus’s beard. disgusting <3

- Ben and Klaus definitely act like they should be, given that they’ve been stuck with each other for over a decade. i’ve seen some people calling Klaus an asshole for not telling his siblings about Ben, which is completely understandable (cause he was an asshole), but I’m guessing it was because he was afraid? that sharing Ben with his siblings would mean that he would lose him to them, or his siblings would find him selfish, or they would ask something of him that he couldn’t give. if that makes sense

- that ghost bitch comment was funny tho

- to the guy who called Klaus pretty boy at the bar: sir you don’t know what you’re getting into

- Raymond!! he’s such a sweetheart, i really liked him in the show. i’m really happy that Allison has found a bit of normalcy (as normal as the 1960s Civil Rights movement could be). it shows how passionate she is about what she believes in: even though she knows the movement is far from over, even back in 2019, she’s not gonna abandon it

- Allison staring at the moon every night: either thinking about Luther or how the moon blows them all up. maybe both

- of course Luther would be working for Jack Ruby

- awesome cinematography during the mental asylum escape

- yeah it makes sense that the Handler would still be alive. she was a cool villain. although it would’ve been awesome to see how evil a fish could be

- Diego’s plan was pretty stupid. that’s my boy

- honestly they revealed how Klaus started a cult really well by having one of his followers find him at jail. Klaus, ever the musical aficionado, of course writes his scripture based off of pop songs

- Raymond and Klaus meeting!! that was cool to see how their paths connected

- Lila painting Elliot’s toenails green. ugh i love that crazy bitch

- i LOVE how they incorporated the umbrella man!! tbh i’ve always believed he was the one behind the assassination. Lee Harvey Oswald was framed

- honestly a bit understandable that Luther was planning on killing Vanya? cause he had no idea who she is now, but them reuniting was actually really sweet. he’s grown up so much

- the Swedes and their cats.

- the Umbrella company building with the nuclear family mannequins... creepy, awesome shit

- baby pogo baby pogo baby pogo baby pogo

- shanked diego shanked diego shanked diego shanked diego

- did anyone else get vibes from Klaus’s episode opening that he was an escort to the old woman? like how he was being shown off at her arm or something and getting out of jail from a call from the governor. idk maybe the lady was just very taken with him, as anyone would be

- Elliot, our helpful king

- Allison and Klaus’s reunion was so sweet!! i’m so glad they got to interact so much more in this season

- Ben getting Raymond out through a haunting... hilarious

- sweet intimate moment between Lila and Diego

- Ray meeting Luther was hilarious, but i do feel for the poor guy. i mean i’m not in love with my adoptive sister but still

- the sit-in was really well done and beautiful while terrible. the ‘riot’ that ensued was very appropriate for today’s setting

- D-Dave

- honestly i was scared that Klaus was gonna be overly attracted to him or whatever, which would be weird cause he’s years younger than Klaus, but honestly, at the core he just wanted to save Dave’s life. even if it means never meeting him in a different timeline. he truly loved Dave. and that ptsd flashback was done so well

- i knew Lila wasn’t trustworthy but i didn’t REALLY expect that!

- Vanya and Luther talking with each other, Luther admitting the apocalypse wasn’t all her fault. beautiful

- the Majestic 12 reminds me of the conspiracy theory that only a few families control basically everything in the world. the Majestic 12 may be based off of that, idk

- idk about everyone else but Klaus’s scorpion and the frog story made total sense to me! frogs ARE bitches

- the diner scene.... ugh. it really shows that the two of them did fall in love and they did stupid in love things, like talking about their family, about why Dave wanted to join, favorite colors, favorite foods, etc. however that’s seen later on when Dave visits the compound

- yes it’s very disheartening when Klaus is attacked, but honestly i think it had to happen, just like the riot had to happen. the 60s weren’t a fun time for lgbt people and poc. it was only going to be a matter of time before the show HAD to acknowledge the consequences of Klaus’s ‘flamboyancy’ in 1963 Texas. it doesn’t make it right or easy to see, but it’s realistic.

- it also makes sense that Klaus fell off the wagon after experiencing something like that. yes we all would’ve liked him to stay sober, but sobriety and recovery aren’t linear.

- Allison is so happy with Ray can we please drop this pseudo-incest plotline let’s MOVE ON

- Texas Grace ! who is not actually Grace rip (i think? i was a bit confused lol)

- the scene with Harlan running off was really upsetting but we got to see those weird light particles that we saw in the first season

- Pogo Pogo Pogo Pogo

- Klaus being a dick to Ben again, as brothers do. i do feel bad for Ben though it must be sooo frustrating. that scene with him and Allison was really sweet and funny tho

- i just have to say that Luther and Diego are so fucking funny this season it’s awesome. like there are a LOT of good lines overall by everyone but they’re hilarious. “At least he didn’t shank my ass” “no bro, he shanked your heart”“Dads part of a sinister CABAL that’s plotting on killing the president.” “a caBAL?”“You two still a thing? *leans in* do we need to talk?” “No, she’s married.” “Woah dude... that’s rough.” and countless others

- the sibling reunion!!

- Klaus really does get left out of everything tbh

- Ben :(

- sisters and Klaus!! that was so awesome to see. and Klaus’s hairpins, Vanya saying she’s gonna tell Sissy she loves her, their dance sequence, Klaus calling Allison out on that incest. beautiful

- the fucking Swedish cover of Hello was PERFECT i mean i was sad for the Swedes but it was hilarious. there were a couple beautiful shots of the boat on fire though

- god it must’ve been so traumatizing for Allison to be thrust into such a hostile place with no voice and no way to contact her family

- idk about you guys but long live Team Zero

- calling Ben that he was becoming their father was a bit uncalled for

- the fact that Klaus didn’t help Dave’s chances, and in fact escalated Dave’s own timeline.. his trembling hands... robert sheehan is an amazing actor

- the Black president bit lmaoo loved it

- the way Reginald spoke to Diego.. i’m gonna throw hands with an old man

- Klaus LITERALLY looked like he was having a seizure and they all just... played it off??

- poor, poor Carl. nah fuck him lol

- that bloody opening scene was awesome! and thank god Five got to say fuck. the fact that it was about a candy bar makes too much sense

- Robert Sheehan acting as Ben: amazing showstopping spectacular he’s so talented

- the whole multiple Fives and Luther bit was honestly really funny, and i immensely respect smaller Five over bigger Five.

- yes Klaus, you survived a family of seven. you got this

- not sad about Carl dying one bit!

- Ben... that was such a beautiful scene. not just the content of the scene, but the cinematography. Ben fading away... Vanya hugging him... ugh. the main takeaway i had from that scene is that at the core of it all, Ben and Klaus love each other immensely. they have a weird, dysfunctional, fucked up relationship, where Klaus is an asshole and Ben definitely shouldn’t of possessed him without his consent, but they’re still brothers, and Ben forgives him.

- oof Ben’s funeral was hard. also was it just me or did Klaus’s kid actor sound weird? like it sounded like Robert was dubbing his lines

- all the siblings back together again!!!! Klaus going with Vanya to save Harlan!! Vanya telling him Ben forgives him and that it wasn’t Klaus’s fault Ben got stuck with him!! everyone in the car!!! be still my beating heart

- yeah didn’t see Lila having powers coming tbh. i really feel bad for her she’s had such a rough and traumatic life, especially with the Handler as her only parental figure

- the Swede brother and Five putting down their weapons: “enough.” the Swede wanted revenge for his brothers - an eye for an eye, but there was a mutual understanding between the two of them: they would do anything for their family. if the Swede hurts one of the Hargreeves, Five would never stop coming after him. i thought it was very beautiful

- mmm Reggie’s foreshadowing coming into play. proud of u Five

- the ending was so beautiful. everyone got closure in some type of way. except now Klaus is alone with nothing but his dog tags :(

- EMO BEN HAHAHA WTFFF?? is Lila in the sparrow academy? why was Ben’s portrait over the mantle piece? did Five disappear?? is the sparrow academy just older versions of the siblings who stuck around?? so many questions

FINAL THOUGHTS

- Ellen Page’s acting consistently blows me away. she is amazing

- beautiful cinematography, funny writing, pretty good acting. i didn’t like the soundtrack as much as i did the first season’s, but some of it wasn’t bad.

- i’m glad ben got peace, but i’m also glad justin min isn’t gone for good. his social media presence is too vital for us

- i swear to god if they keep treating klaus as a joke and don’t let him get any actual development like everyone else had (he barely got closure with Dave, he reconciled with Ben through a second party) next season, i’m gonna riot. PLEASE i want to learn more about his powers now that Ben is gone. what happened to seeing tons of ghosts when he’s sober??

- Luther and Diego were probably my favorite duo of the season, I’m so happy that they’ve reconciled and are bonding more.

- just seeing Vanya grow and be happy was amazing

all in all, really wonderful season. i probably liked it better than the first one. now it’s time to consume fanfiction and maybe finish my own (check out “god doesn’t want him and neither does the devil” on ao3!)

#the umbrella academy #tua spoilers #tua season 2 spoilers #the umbrella academy season 2 spoilers #the umbrella academy season 2 #tua season 2 #klaus hargreeves #luther hargreeves #vanya hargreeves #five hargreeves #ben hargreeves #allison hargreeves #raymond chestnut #dave katz #diego hargreeves #reginald hargreeves

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undertaker1827 · 4 years

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hello ! how are you ? a hc for sebastian and edward when their s/o plays with childrens, they're very happy and like to stay with her because she is very kind to them, she treats them as if they were her children thank you ! >~< 💜💜

Hi there! I’m good thank you, hope you are too!! Absolutely, hope you like it!

Masterlist

Sebastian

Sebastian thinks the whole thing is just overly cute

It’s like you’re some sort of mother act and all these kittens keep coming to you for comfort

Children seem to have this inbuilt radar whereby they know which people wouldn’t mind talking to them and which to avoid

Somewhat unnecessary to point out the demon himself has worked very hard to stay firmly in the ‘avoid’ category

Hopefully even ‘avoid at all costs’

You on the other hand couldn’t be more different

You’ve loved children for as long as he’s known you and he suspects it’s a lifelong thing for you

It’s not something he can honestly say eh relates to or really even understands, but it makes you happy and as long as they talk to you and not him, that’s good enough for him

One day, the pair of you had gone to the annual ice festival together

Although it was still fairly early evening, it was winter so the sky was already dark and your breaths were left frozen and hanging as white clouds in the air

You were in the middle of the city and there were street vendors and merchandise stands

Most people were going around with takeaway food or at least warm drinks and the whole atmosphere was alive

Everyone was chatting and laughing, even to strangers they had never met before

those who went every year knew the usual street vendors and struck up conversation while they waited in line often involving other customers waiting behind them in the cheerful talk

All was wonderful until you came across a small boy standing in the middle of the street

He was crying his eyes out, alone and clearly having lost his people

You and Sebastian saw him at the same time and you immediately rushed over, the demon following closely behind

He stayed back a ways though to avoid frightening the child any further - he did have a heart when it came to you, after all

You asked the boy what was wrong and between sobs he told you he’d lost his dad

You smiled warmly, reassuring him and asking what his dad looked like where he had last seen him

He told you, but when he got even more upset you told him his dad was looking for him even more frantically

The boy sniffled and asked if it was true, which you agreed with emphatically

You looked back up at Sebastian to back you up on that point

He just nodded, giving a small, polite smile

You turned back to the boy, but that left the demon to scan the crowd until he located the father, who rushing from one side of the street to the other, asking everyone who he found if they had seen his son

He was too far away for the boy to see, but Sebastian looked at him until he made eye contact, then raised a hand and glanced downwards to wear you were crouched on the pavement

He ran over, telling the boy off, hugging him and telling him everything was alright then thanking the both of you all in quick succession

You smiled and waved as they walked away together, Sebastian watching the unfiltered joy on your features with a soft smile gracing his own

Edward

Whenever Edward sees you interact with children, he always thinks about how great a mother you would be

He finds your kindness towards children to be inspiring, your willingness to help others remarkable and your smile infectious

He thinks its incredible that wherever you go, children seem able to single you out from everyone else in the crowd as a person it would be safe to talk to

Edward himself isn’t so much ‘anti-child’ as he doesn’t think it’s his place to interact with them as much as you can

His line of thinking is that most people don’t mind their child walking up to a woman as much as they do a man and he would hate to make anybody feel uncomfortable

That doesn’t mean he can’t feel happy and enjoy watching you interact with them though

One day, the two of you were on a trip out in London

You were sight seeing really, despite having been many times before, as it was an especially nice day and you had collectively decided it was the best way to spend your time

People came from all over the world to visit the many sights and attractions London had to offer and despite having lived there your whole lives you couldn’t honestly say you had visited all that many of the tourist destinations

You had decided to take something of a break around midday and as such were waiting in a queue for a new fast food phenomenon known as a ‘curry bun’

There was not a person who didn’t recommend it and the signs on the stall claimed it was the only one in Central London

They also boasted as many flavours you could think of so you couldn’t help but want to try one

You were chatting idly and swapping theories for what you thought the food would taste like when something tugged your coat

You glanced down to find a girl beaming up at you, two front teeth missing and utterly thrilled

You smiled back greeting her warmly and kneeling down to talk to her

“Did you know,” she started confidently, “that my mummy is going to get me a curry bun?”

“Really?” You replied incredulously, “I had no idea, that sounds so exciting! What flavour are you thinking of trying?”

Edward watched the scene play out with a happy smile on his face

The girl was very excited to tell you all about her favourite curry bun, the one she always had, and then about her second favourite and so on

You listened faithfully throughout the entire explanation, throwing in your opinion and asking questions every so often

Eventually the girl’s mother came over, carrying the long awaited curry bun and the girl immediately ran to grab it from her

Her mother apologised for her chatterbox tendencies, but you only laughed and said you had enjoyed the conversation, now knowing far more about the food than you had done previously

When you stood back up, you turned to Edward with a ‘what?’ as his eyes glittered with his smile

He shook his head, claiming if you could see yourself when you did that, you would be smiling too

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allthefilmsiveseenforfree · 3 years

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Sound of Metal

I’ve been looking forward to Sound of Metal since my friend Wes saw it on the (virtual) festival circuit last year and raved about it. He later asked that I review it to guarantee I would watch it, and I’m so incredibly glad I did. The film centers on Ruben (Riz Ahmed), a heavy metal drummer in a band with his girlfriend, Lou (Olivia Cooke). Suddenly, Ruben begins to experience hearing loss - first intermittent, then total. It completely upends his life, and because he is a recovering heroin addict, Lou convinces him to move in to a community of Deaf adults run by a kind man named Joe (Paul Raci, a real life Child of Deaf Adults who has devoted his life to Deaf activism and visibility) so that Ruben can essentially learn how to be Deaf.

Some thoughts:

I get why the film opens with this very loud, very aggressive live performance, but this band is really, really shitty, and this music is deeply unpleasant.

Obviously sound design is such an integral part of how this movie functions and the muffled effects, the low and high-pitched tones, the lack of sound from objects we’ve seen making sound prior to this, it’s eerie, isolating, and nearly panic-inducing.

Cochlear implants aren’t covered by insurance? I think I knew that already, but god, that’s just one more reminder of how much this country hates disabled people. [ETA: I’ve done more reading about this and it seems that cochlear implant surgery is often covered IF you have insurance, but in America that’s a big if.]

I love Olivia Cooke, and she’s fantastic in this, but I’m wildly distracted by her bleached eyebrows.

There is a very good dog named Louie who is a therapy dog! He is small and sweet and I love him.

To complicate matters, Ruben is a recovering addict and he’s struggling to stay clean due to the overwhelming stress of this situation. Watching him struggle moment to moment at the beginning is agonizing, as you can see how much effort he’s putting in just putting one foot in front of the other.

It’s interesting for me to be a hearing person in this group of Deaf folks who are recovering together. It keeps those of us in the audience who are hearing isolated just the same way Ruben feels isolated.

There’s so much anger in Ruben, and Riz Ahmed does an incredible job of showcasing all of his vulnerability, his fear, his anger, and his confusion all in a single look. For much of his performance, Ahmed isn’t speaking, but simply looking, trying desperately to understand the new reality he’s living within.

The small victories we see - Ruben playing with the kids, learning the ASL alphabet, making music again through something as simple as tapping on a metal slide - they all feel so much more powerful because they were hard-earned, because Ruben’s rage is so powerful and his despair was so complete at the beginning of his journey.

It’s fascinating hearing the cochlear implant and the way sounds are different compared to “normal” hearing. The way music sounds, and the look on Ruben’s face when he realizes it made my heart shatter in two.

How did he get to Paris when he just spent all of his money on this operation?

That final scene reminds me of Call Me By Your Name (maybe the only scene of that film that I actually felt moved by) and that tight close-up on Riz Ahmed’s face is the only way I could imagine this film ending.

Did I Cry? No, but my heart ached for Ruben in every moment of wide-eyed terror and confusion and desperation conveyed so completely by Riz Ahmed’s beautiful face.

This film deserved those Oscars for Film Editing and Sound, and my main takeaway from watching it is to be more mindful of all the sounds I hear every day that I take for granted, and more aware of the presence (or lack of) accomodations for the Deaf folks around me. Everyone should see this film not only as a great cinematic experience but as a way to better understand an entire community that so often gets ignored.

If you liked this review, please consider reblogging or subscribing to my Patreon! For as low as $1, you can access bonus content and movie reviews, or even request that I review any movie of your choice.

#121in2021 #sound of metal #sound of metal review #riz ahmed #olivia cooke #paul raci #movie reviews #film reviews #patreon review

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sevensided · 3 years

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how did you get into writing fic? i'd love to start but idk even where to begin! I loved adats so I was wondering do you have any advice?

Oh my goodness! I am so flattered you’ve asked me this. Yes, I can absolutely help. I’ll throw a bunch of rambling under the cut.

I started writing fic probably when I was... sixteen years old? A lot of my early works were oneshots. I couldn’t figure out how to do anything plot heavy for the life of me, so I just stuck to AUs or whatever I felt like. I wasn’t in any particular fandom -- I really wrote whatever I had ideas for. I remember I tried once to do a plot-heavy story and I received a review absolutely ripping it to shreds. Like, it was so cruel I cried lol. I ended up deleting the fic. Years later, I get what they were trying to say (basically, more substance, less style), but at the time it cut to the quick. Really, it was only when I was in my twenties that I started writing work that was longer and/or better.

The fandom that helped me actually write plot heavy work was a historical-based fandom. As I’m a historian, it was perfect. I got to use my research skills and knowledge to create works that, above all, aimed to feel authentic. I mainly read historical fiction, so I was familiar with how that genre worked. Miraculously, people loved my work. I think I wrote about ~200k in the period of a year? These were several short stories (20-40k) and a few oneshot filler fics. While I was part of this fandom I also helped organise a Big Bang which was a lot of hard work but was extremely rewarding. Along with that, I interacted mainly with other fic writers, so I spent a lot of time chatting to people about ideas and encouraging other writers, and it just created a lovely medley where no concept was impossible or any line of dialogue too difficult. We supported each other and it was truly like a little commune. I gradually stepped away from the fandom mainly because it was just a part of my life at a very specific time, and almost as soon as that time was over, my love for that story/ship faded, but I firmly believe I figured out a lot of how/what I do now purely through that experience.

Regarding ADATS

With ADATS, it stemmed entirely from wanting to “explain” three months in canon (at the end of season three). I was interested in the idea of season four setting up Will/Mike in canon, and I wanted to test the source material to see if I could draw from what already existed to create something authentic. I began with that simple idea: what happened from July to October in 1985? Then I thought about the major themes I wanted to hit -- family, friendship, coming of age, sexuality -- and I nested them around the bigger concept: how do I get Mike from being ostensibly straight to realising he is gay? That meant thinking of two steps: Mike discovering his attraction to guys; Mike discovering his attraction to Will. Those two concepts were separate “arcs” that needed addressing in different ways. Balance was key to weaving them together and making the reader feel like they knew what was coming (and that they felt smart for putting the pieces together) without just rushing through and going “now kiss!” That’s partly why ADATS needs a sequel, lol: because it’s not finished!

Writing process

The first thing I do when I start to get an idea is I write it down. Sounds obvious. But when you have a killer line of dialogue come to you in the shower and you think “I’ll remember that” -- reader, you will not remember it. You gotta get it down ASAP! I do that the whole way through, as generally I’ll be thinking of scenes I’m stuck on and then it’ll just come to me and I’ll quickly jot it down.

The next thing -- or what I do in the meantime -- is start structuring. I plan. I try to plan a lot. Sometimes it’s okay to write “and something happens here to get them here”, because you’ll figure it out later, but for the most part I’ve discovered that planning is like gold and you can’t get enough of it. I break my work up into generally 3-4 parts/sections, and I treat each section like a mini story. So each part needs a conflict and resolution, and it needs to flow into the next section. You need to have a feeling of things evolving and maturing. Once I’ve planned those little bits, I start thinking about the bigger plot arc and how I can drop in hints along the way. I’m probably not a subtle or skilled enough writer to yet pull off that sort of gasping twist you get in really excellent books, but I’m trying to get there. It’s hard, is what I’m trying to say, but that’s okay, because we’re all learning.

Then I generally do aesthetic stuff. Sounds stupid, probably. But nothing helps me get more into a mood than doing a Pinterest board or -- most of all -- making a Spotify mix. I start thinking about the vibe and the general atmosphere, and then I almost exclusively listen to that mix when I’m working. Sort of like muscle memory? Just to get the creative juices associated with that particular selection of songs.

Another thing I’ll do along with plot structure is character structure. This is a biggie. I mean, a story is nothing without characters. So I’ll just jot down a bunch of bullet points of characters and particular aspects that I want to highlight or remember. I hate continuity errors in fiction. Like, if someone says they work on Maple Street but later in the fic they’re working on Pine Street. I hate that. So I keep note of specific things that my main character might notice at repeated points in the story (colours, places, smells, names, sounds -- so they’re all consistent even as the narrative evolves). That’s another thing -- your characters’ motivations. Not everyone is going to be a huge player, but they all do serve a purpose. The most important character is obviously your main character. I personally think it’s important to let your M.C. be an arse at times. They’re going to be mean, they’re going to misinterpret things or fly off the handle... just let ‘em. Let them be wretched humans, and then bring them back and make them realise what they’ve done. Let them learn! I love consequences in fiction, lol.

At the same time, I’ll probably start writing. We’ve already written down some snippets of neat dialogue or descriptions, but now we should start the actual process. For me, I used to start at the beginning. Usually this was the most fleshed out anyway: I’ll have a clear idea of the beginning and the end, but nothing in the middle. These days, if I have a scene in mind that I can’t forget, I’ll just write it. It will possibly get scrapped or rewritten, but that’s okay, because at least you’ve got it down and now you can devote your brain power to something useful (like figuring out what the middle is supposed to be). I’ll have half a dozen of totally out of context scenes just littered in my Word document that I’ll add to as I go along. Eventually, though, you’re going to start writing properly, and that’s when you write your opening scene.

Opening scenes: super important. Every time I write a scene I think: what is the point of this? What do I want the reader to learn or takeaway? Sometimes you do have filler scenes, but they also serve a different purpose (perhaps to establish a group dynamic or to explore/describe a character’s surroundings). Mainly, though, every scene should push something forward in some way, whether it’s character development or a plot point. So, with an opening scene, I always think you have to establish: where you are; who you are; what they are doing; where they’ve come from (in a philosophical and practical sense); and where they’re going (ditto). That doesn’t have to happen in the first paragraph -- that would be silly. But if you sprinkle that information in over time it’ll gradually build up a picture of your character and that way the reader can get an idea of who they are. You basically need to give a snapshot of what your story is about. This also goes back to the character creator stuff: where they are at the start should be different to where they end up. How that happens is, of course, because of plot, and because you’ve structured everything to the nth degree, we’ve got a very clear progression of that character’s growth (/s easier said than done lol).

General advice

Write down everything: every idea, a bit of dialogue, a description, whatever. Write it down. Doesn’t have to be neat. Just has to be on paper. You can’t remember everything, so if you’re spending time trying to hold those things in your head, it’s taking up space for new ideas to come along.

Structure, plan, structure, plan. Sometimes it’s boring and I hate it. Other times, when I’ve not written in a few days and I open the Word doc and think wtf is this supposed to be, I am very grateful for Past Me for leaving such detailed notes. Seriously, it helps so much. Oneshots don’t really need planning, in my experience. You just get those out there. But multi-chaptered stories really do, even ones that “just” focus on a relationship.

Whatever you want to write, commit to it. Space goblins invade Hawkins? Do it. Eleven and Max find themselves in a cult akin to Midsommar (2019) and must escape? Yes. Just... whatever you want to do, remember that you’re writing it for you. Write what most interests you, what makes you when you reread it go AHHHHH I LOVE THIS!! Because that makes it a thousand times easier to actually get on with the writing when you enjoy what you’re doing.

Write a lot. Every day, if you can, or at least at designated times. Occasionally I have a very specific headspace/vibe I have to be in, but sometimes it just hits me and I’ll say to my partner “I need to write now” and just disappear, lol. The more you write the more you write. It’s so, so, so true. Cannot emphasise this enough. When I wrote that ~200k in twelve months? It was because I literally wrote every. day. Or near enough. Remember that some days you’ll write 200 words, and other days you’ll write 20k (this happened to me with ADATS -- part of the reason I finished it so quickly was because I had sprints of writing 10k+ at a time that only happened because I was in the rhythm of it). Write, write, write. Who cares if it’s crap! No one will see it until you are ready. In the meantime, just write!

Probably last of all (although I could go on and on) is connect with other writers. If you’re struggling to start, sometimes just talking about it can help a huge amount. I hope it goes without saying that you can message me whenever you want, anon or not, and I will talk to you. We can talk about ideas or I can beta stuff, whatever you want! Find like-minded people and talk to them about what you want to do. Another thing this helps is in advertising your work when you do publish. I see a lot of first time fic writers get super down because they publish their magnum opus on AO3 but no one comments. Honestly, it’s because no one knows you’ve published! You don’t have to be tooting your own horn every which way, but just actively talking about your work and even collaborating with other content creators with get you hyped and other people too (and the input and encouragement other fandom members give is just... out of this world. Anon messages helped me finish ADATS when I was really worried I wouldn’t [that’s the truth]. Seriously, support is everything). When you have people excited about your work, you get excited. It’s really as simple as that.

I could go on but this is already horrendously long. I hope even a bit of this helps! If you want to chat or have any more questions, just hit me up any time.

#writing tips #writing help #writing advice #answered #i really hope this helps/answers your question!#i can do something more structured if you want #otherwise here are just my initial thoughts #Anonymous

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fictropes · 3 years

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oh boy i sure did write many words in 2020

Hi! I am copying people due to i want to. This is a lil (well... 63) round up of all the fics I wrote this year! Cos i’m very evil @ myself and writing fic and think i’m either not doing enough, or not doing it good enough, so i wanna full list of what I actually did so I can see my own accomplishments and can maybe... clap 4 myself for once. And honestly writing has helped MASSIVELY with my depression so.. that’s a bonus.

ALSO. this is a big huge thankyou to everyone! I only joined here + started writing in august and you’ve all been so so nice and welcoming and supportive <333 ;_; and I know they say write for yourself... but honestly peoples comments and excitement about my stuff has just been really, really lovely and I would never have written this much without all of you cheering me on<3.

so here is a list of everything i’ve written, organised by length and everything, so if you find yourself bored over the holidays... have a lil browse. (Sorry if u are on mobile and this doesn’t show as a read more)

Chaptered:

Can we try again? series (M) Complete - 35k - “Yeah, Phil. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Dan answers, softer than he’d wanted because he already knows what he’s about to do next.(or Dan doesn't turn up in 2009 and bumps into Phil 11 years later at a youtube convention 2. I like cupcakes, especially the gay variety (M) Complete - 30k - Firstly, Dan was 29. How was that a mature student?Secondly, his actual book was on the university fucking syllabus.(or the one in which Dan tries university again in a desperate attempt to prolong his procrastination, and his lecturer Phil is apparently something of a fan) 3. 7 Letters series (M) Complete - 9k - Your penpal can be the person you live with, actually. 4. There's Beans in Here (T) Complete - 2k - Phil has his wisdom teeth removed; Phil says many questionable things. 5. Roadtrip (E) Complete - 8k - “Exactly. I am right, as always.”“As always.” Dan agrees.Series 6. night shift, please (E) Wip - 27k I PROMISE THIS WILL COME BACK IN 2021 - Ten years and he’ll never get over how early he has to get up sometimes. In all honesty he prefers the night shift. 7. Still Not Calling it Fate (M) Wip - 14k - It’s become a bit of a thing, a bit of a thing that everyone he crosses paths with takes the piss out of him for 8. when i met you, a blue rush began (M) Complete - 5k - They end up in a small restaurant overlooking the sea, everything here is so blue. The sky, the sea, Phil’s eyes, the shirt he’s wearing buttoned up all the way to the top. 9. Luggage Tags (E) Complete - 2.5k - Just because it looks like your suitcase, it doesn't necessarily mean that it is. 10. Demon in the sack (E) Complete - 2.5k - Dan’s leg jiggles beneath his desk, knee hitting the table as he tries to force himself to hang up and ring the number he was supposed to ring— he doesn’t, he can’t. Long ( for me) oneshots (3k+) 11. Electronics and the Phil's who break them (M) Complete - 9k - The first time’s an accident, a proper accident— a Phil forgot how to hold his cup and now he’s watching his coffee seep into his keyboard type accident. 12. A Letter of Specifics (T) Complete - 4k - You'll know it's your soulmate because no one else on earth could be doing what they're doing. 13. The Benefits of A Weak Floor (M) Complete - 4k - He quite literally falls through Dan’s ceiling. 14. 10:35 on a Thursday (E) Complete - 3.7k - He’s tapping his pen against the paper, acting as though he isn’t asking Phil to take a sex quiz at 10:35am on a Thursday morning. 15. 2009, catboys (T) Complete - 3.2k - “You have your own ears, can’t have four.”“Why?” 16. Wrong Room (T) Complete - 3k - “Congratulations!’’ And he was expecting to hear a cry, or at least his mother telling him to be quiet because a certain baby was sleeping. Instead he heard the deep clear of a throat, a rustling of sheets. 2k-3k oneshots 17. Dinner with a stranger (T) Complete - 2.5k - @amazingphl hi! second year of doing this, sooo if anyone has nowhere to go for Christmas dinner I am once again offering..my flat (and by extension me) ;oSeries 18. Easy Lover (M) Complete - 2.4k - ''Yeah. We're always fine.'' It was always fine. It was always easy, despite always behind hard. 19. Cold Season (M) Complete - 2k - Dan is ill, insatiable and another word beginning with I. 1k-2k oneshots 20. Morose men on rooftops (T) Complete - 1.9k - “Dunno, maybe chatting up morose men on roofs is my thing.” He laughs, and it’s a nice noise. 21. Love with tongues of fire (T) Complete - 1.7k - So when Dan waltzed into the room, declaring his hunger Phil thought nothing of it. Just another night for another takeaway. 22. Your Rocks are my Rocks (T) Complete - 1.7k - Phil wants a new rock for Norman, Dan wants a peaceful life. 23. Joint Content (M) Complete - 1.6k - It started of a as a joke— a Joint Content joke. 24. 24/7 Fantasies (M) Complete - 1.5k - He thinks about Dan 24/7, constantly in two separate fantasies 25. A Conversation in Multiple Hallways (T) Complete - 1.5k - You're still here then? 26. Sharing Space (T) Complete - 1.5k - It's 2010 and dan has had a day. 27. The Obvious (T) Complete - 1.5k - "Can I use that?” He doesn’t wait for an answer, already scrawling it beneath the only three words he currently has— I love you. 28. I'm Thinking of Ending Things (T) Complete - 1.5k - Dan hears half a conversation, jumps to one whole conclusion. 29. Love Language of the Tactile (T) Complete - 1.4k - “I’m just— that’s a hypothetical.” Dan leans in this time, takes the touches that Phil always so freely gives away. “Can’t kiss in secret rooms if I leave.” 30. Don't Let the Self-Doubt Ruin You (T) Complete - 1.3k - “I’m here.” “Yeah, you’re here.” 31. Conflict Resolution (T) Complete - 1.3k - Following recent events we’ve decided it best we take a combative approach to your current workplace issues, we have booked you into a conflict resolution class this Thursday afternoon - we will not be paying you to attend. 32. when it comes to love (i want a slow hand) (E) Complete - 1.2k - And there it is, the refusal of anything in return. This is just for Dan and it always will be. 33. You're Still The one (T) Complete - 1.1k - “What’re you thinking about?” “You.” 34. Teach Me, Dad. (T) Complete - 1k - "Do you think I could be the next Mozart?” 35. The Logistics of a Clone (M) Complete - 1k - “I don’t think that’s a clone, though, like maybe more of a Doppelgänger.” Dan doesn’t know why they’re delving so deep into this, why he’s so damn bothered about being right. “It’s just literally you.” 36. All's fair in Love and Monopoly (T) Complete - 1k - Phil does not play by the rules, Dan lets him win anyway. Under 1k oneshots 37. Hide out in your heart (E) Complete - 0.9k - The second time Dan comes to visit it’s different. 38. Oh, there you are. (G) Complete - 0.9k - So after all this, after everything, he doesn’t think anything of it when someone else slips into his dms. 39. The Boy has Attitude (T) Complete - 0.9k - “You didn’t tell me you looked like this.”“Like what?”“This!” Phil’s waving a physical copy of the magazine in his face— so that’s where he’d been. 40. Hairties (and how not to use them) (M) Complete - 0.8k - “Why would you do that? Let us settle in, nice and slow and— gently does it.” 41. The Second Apartment. (T) Complete - 0.8k - It’s a stop-gap apartment, a we’re going to get our forever home after this. 42. Japan, 2019. (G) Complete - 0.8k - NO summary, just an obviously I was going to write this after phil's post 43. Doting Man (T) Complete - 0.7k - They’re both drunk, Phil more so— definitely more so.Series 44. Imposter (T) Complete - 0.7k - Among us is.. a bastard. 45. Ratemyprofessors.com (M) Complete - 0.7k - ‘Maybe if that Phil bloke from the English dep he’s always staring at fucked him he’d stop being so uptight’ 46. Failed Attempts (T) Complete - 0.7k - Dan enlists the help of Phil for his latest Instagram. 47. Bonus Prize (M) Complete - 0.7k - Phil Trash Number One 48. Feels like home (G) Complete - 0.7k - Home is where the Phil is. 49. We can make Forever work (T) Complete - 0.7k - It’s a moment of realising forever may sound too much to people, but we’ll get through everything together— we don’t have any other choice. 50. Scene in the Kitchen (T) Complete - 0.7k - New place 51. 4'11 (T) Complete - 0.6k - Dan is baby 52. Pillow Imprints (T) Complete - 0.6k - Dan is a menace, and Phil loves him anyway. 53. Parachute Jacket (T) Complete - 0.5k - Dan thinks Phil is obsessed with them Those few times I thougt I was goddamn Ri**ard S*ken 54. Home (G) Complete - 0.7k - It’s their forever home, because their actual forever lives inside of it. 55. secrets spoken in empty rooms (T) Complete - 1k - So he wants to be the same, but he wants Dan more. 56. Separately Together (T) Complete - 0.9k - Phil’s soft hands and even softer words. It gets harder to leave. Gets to the point where Dan turns off an alarm just so he misses the train. 57. It's not hard to fall (T) Complete - 0.7k - Still a little bit of your words I long to hear Some more Epistolary (apart from 7 letters) 58. A Play in One Act (T) Complete - 1.1k - [Manchester Piccadilly train-station, midday, October 19th, 2009.] 59. R/AITA (T) Complete - 0.8k - AM I THE ASSHOLE FOR MAKING MY BOYFRIEND BE A WORM?Series 60. Lonely Hearts (T) Complete - 1.8k - I will not say you were crying on the tube (out of politeness) 61. Conversations of the Lazy Kind (T) Complete - 1k - eggs? wot? Smells like eggs

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dramagguks · 4 years

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𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 & 𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆 : yoongi x reader || fluff and a tiny bit of angst

𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕 : 3.1k

𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒄𝒓𝒊𝒑𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 : yoongi had never been brilliant at talking about his emotions and feelings openly. so, when he realises he’s in love with you, he tells you it through different colours, rather than saying those three words out loud.

𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 : yoongi is just an awkward shy kultz, mutual pining, very brief mentions of sex, mentions of argments and swearing

—

You knew a man, who went by the name of Min Yoongi (Yoons, or Yoongles, to some others, although he despised being called Yoongles). A shy man who took pride in his work and everything he did, holding it all to the highest of standards, wanting to show that he was as smart as a whip. And he was. He worked in an old music store, but before working there, it used to be one of his favourite places to go, and he was the shops most valued customer. Who else would spent hours on end, admiring the equipment, and the all the racks of vintage vinyl's that begged to be taken home? If it wasn't for the rising and setting of the sun everyday, he could stay there forever, that's if such a time frame even existed. But forever felt a mere moment when he was in the shop.

He loved the smell of the shop, as odd as it sounds - the cedar wood smell that hit him every time he walked through the large door, then greeting his boss, Jun, with a wide smile. Sometimes, he’d even bring a paper for Jun to read while he sat in the back. Although Yoongi was extremely introverted, and shy to the highest degree, working at the shop had brought out the best in him. It was almost therapeutic helping people find what they were looking for, trying not to vomit out his words when someone asked him about something he was rather interested in. Instead, he kept a calm face and spoke gently, with professionalism, albeit throwing a few fun facts in for the customer. Even Jun could see that Yoongi made the shop so much more warm, and vibrant, like a lit candle, blazing in the depths of a deep and dark cave.

Though, his favourite part of working in the shop, was seeing you walk through the door everyday, around lunchtime. He wasn't able to hide his shy and pretty gummy smile, when you had got his café order right. An iced americano, with a lot of ice because he liked to chew it once the caffeine was all gone, a chicken and cheese panini (extra toasted so it was still hot by the time you arrived), and a croissant to snack on for the rest of the day.

You wouldn't forget his order though, he was too particular about certain things that you didn't want him to spiral. Plus, the two of you had been best friends for years, so you knew every single one of his orders off by heart.

His heart felt warm whenever he saw you, grin dancing on your cheeks.

If he was going to be honest, when he sat down with you at lunch, his hands got a bit clammy, and he felt shy. Not because you were intimidating or mean, no, you were just as soft as he was, it’s because he was in love with you. He had been for a lot of the years the two of you had been friends. He could barely be around you without doing something ridiculously clumsy. Like one night, you had gone to his house for dinner - a takeaway meal because you were a terrible cook, and although Yoongi was a good one, he felt like takeaway was just the better option. He had sat with you on the couch, watching Game Of Thrones, and got too much into it, and accidentally spilt his wine all in his lap. A blush had settled on his soft and round cheeks, clearly embarrassed for being such a klutz in front of you, but you didn't mind, you thought it was endearing, in a ‘red wine staining your grey sweats’ kind of way.

He had waddled to his room, tail between his legs, and changed into a fresh pair of sweats, not refilling his wine, and keeping his next drink, which was a glass of peach flavoured soju, at a safe distance.

Yoongi had never expected to fall in love with you though, because he thought you were always going to remain one of his best friends, and you thought that too. But the feeling was mutual, the two of you both pining over each other secretly, only telling one other person - Kim Namjoon, a scholar, one of the smartest men you both knew, and a shared best friend between you and Yoongi.

Namjoon loved the fact that you both went to him for advice and support, but he wanted to smack you both upside the heads for being so stupid.

You were both so clearly in love with each other, but just couldn't admit it.

It was frustrating for you, knowing that you were so helplessly in love with the shy man who you had become so accustomed to, but not being able to do anything. You weren't scared, you were always open with your feelings, sometimes having no filter and just saying whatever you were thinking in that moment. But with Yoongi, it was so much more complicated. He didn't know how to handle his own emotions, as he wasn't the greatest at handling affection, for he had grew up in a home that was loving, just not affectionate. Him being shy didn't help his case either, so, you decided on not telling him. You didn't want to be too full on and scared him off, and instead just became one with your feelings. It would happen one day though, but you couldn't help but feel selfish for wanting that day to hurry up.

All you wanted to do was tell him how much you loved him, and how much you wanted him to be yours. But you couldn't, you had to play the long, waiting game.

Loving him was liberating though, as he wasn't the usual man a woman would go for. He hated the club scene, and would much rather stay at home with a glass of wine, or just crawl into bed and sleep the night away, and a lot of the nights you would join him, feeling safe in his embrace. The two of you always had lunch together, almost like a tradition now, and although you see each other everyday, the conversation never fell short. You always had something to talk about, whether that be the weather, or what one of the customers had asked for that day, it was always something. He had taken you on holiday once, a getaway to Jeju in a gorgeous rental house, the sea in view from the windows, just so Seoul was far away for a while, and so were all your troubles. That's when you kissed him for the first time.

His lips were soft, like velvet, and his skin was on fire under your hands. It was all he had been waiting for, to finally feel your lips against his. There was no real rush when you kissed him, taking things slow and savouring the precious and intimate moment.

Yoongi wanted to tell you how much he loved you too, feeling like he owed it to you, after leaving you in the dark, because it was so painfully obvious how much the two of you loved each other. He knew that you loved him, and you knew that he loved you. A confusing and sometimes annoying spiral, but, neither of you had seemed to mind all that much. But, he couldn't let it go. He didn't sleep that much, often finding comfort in being awake during the early hours of the morning, when the sun is almost ready to rise and people are just starting to get ready for work. That's when he thought the most, about how much he loved you, but how scared he was to let you know. He didn't want things to change, fearing that once you knew, it would all be different. Although the two of you already acted like you were a couple, saying those three words out loud made it seem so much more real, and he didn't know if he was ready for that. He hated not being fully capable of doing something so grand as confessing his love for you, but he could wait. He was a patient man.

He had ways of showing his love for you though, and that funny way, was by using colours.

There was a purple blanket, that he had bought you for your birthday one year. It was supposed to be a silly gift, as all you did was complain about how cold you were, finding it difficult to warm your body up, and no matter how many hugs Yoongi showered you with, nothing seemed to work. So, before coming to your house for the annual movie night, he had stopped off at a furniture store, having a look around at something that could help you. He felt like a madman, walking around the shop aimlessly, touching every blanket he could find to see if it felt okay, or if the material was itchy. He didn't miss the way the assistants eyed him up though, probably wondering why he was acting so odd. Yoongi had almost given up on looking for decent blanket, and just when he was walking out of the shop, he spotted a rack of purple, weighted blankets. “Perfect,” he had muttered in triumph, but almost falling over when he took one off the shelf, He forgot how heavy the blankets could be. But that was it, he had found the perfect present for you.

He had arrived at your house, after dousing the blanket in his aftershave so it would smell like him (he knew you were a sucker for his aftershave, after he had found a bunch of his hoodies missing from his room after you stayed over). With a tiny, tiny sense o pride in his chest, he had handed you the blanket, with a soft kiss on your forehead too. You had felt your heart swell, almost wanting to cry at his small gesture, telling him that you loved the blanket. He was happy, and before you knew it, the two of you were asleep on the couch, the large blanket draped over the both of you, both Yoongis embrace and the weight of the blanket making you feel more safe then ever.

Since then, you've used the blanket every day. It stopped smelling like Yoongi after a while, but he was more than happy to put even more aftershave on it. His scent help you slept, because it was so warm and comforting, and the blanket smelling like him was just a bonus. You took it everywhere with you, like when you and Yoongi went on a road trip, you took it with you then. You had fallen asleep in the front of the car, in the passengers seat, shaking in your tired state as the AC was on, but Yoongi was too hot to turn it off. So, he pulled over and got the blanket from the back, placing it over you, and then gently kissing your head when you stirred in your sleep. He didn't want to sound so smug, but the blanket was one of the best things he had ever given you, although it was just a blanket.

Then there was black mixtape cover, that just so happened to be Yoongis own mixtape.

Outside of work, and behind closed doors, Yoongi was quite the rapper, He liked to say that it was his alter ego, something that made him feel powerful, that made him feel different to the shy Yoongi that everyone around him knew, Agust D was the name for his rap side, a name fit for a king, and a king he was when it came to spitting bars and making his music, Despite acting to shy and coy a lot of the time, his tongue was sharp and dirty, formulating sentences that had girls weak at the knees, and men wishing they were him. Although his songs sounded dirty, and the lyrics were harsh, every single song was written for you.

You were his muse, the one that kept him going when the nights felt dark, and when he felt more alone than ever. He had only let you inside the ‘genius lab’ once, not wanting you to see too much of the world that felt like his own, but you loved it in there. It was so quintessentially Yoongi - a basketball jersey hanging off of the desk chair that sat at a large desk, a few bottles of whiskey on one of the many shelves, and a lot of recording equipment. He had wrote his first song about you in there, a beautiful piano medley that he coined as ‘first love.’ It was when he first started realising that he was in love with you, and he needed to open up to himself about his feelings, and the only way to do that was through making music. The song spoke about his unshakeable feelings for you, and this aching and burning desire that kept him awake at night. It spoke about your first kiss, and where you had met, but most importantly, what loving you felt like - it was everything he wanted and so much more.

First love made it onto the mixtape, showing his most vulnerable side that he didn't always like showing, The lyrics made it so obvious that the song was about you, so as you listened, you couldn't help but cry. He had done this all for you, the song saying what he wasn't able to.

And finally, there was a pink sparkly pen, that didn't seem like much, meant a lot more to you then people would expect.

Of course, you and Yoongi didn’t always see eye to eye on things, often clashing and arguing. Though, he never raised his voice, as it was rare for him to ever speak in such a volume, he always kept his baritone voice soft and quiet. But one night, the two of you had this dreadful fight in his living room, you on the verge of tears. You hadn't seem him much, and you missed him, but Yoongi didn't feel he same way, and he spoke to you like he was fed up of you. And you didn't want to stay somewhere where you didn't feel wanted, so after what felt like another 20 minutes of arguing, you tried to up and leave, but Yoongi stopped you. It had been raining, quite hard and he didn't want you to walk home and end up catching a cold, so he offered to drive you home. You refused at first, not wanting to be near him, but he didn't give up, so in the end, you gave in and had accepted his offer. He left you downstairs, allowing you to calm yourself down, as he went upstairs to give you some room.

While he was up there, he scrambled for a pen and paper, and he found both, but unfortunately, the pen was pink and sparkly, but it was all he had in that moment. He wrote up a letter, not taking too long because he didn't want you to be down there alone for ages. Once he was done, he grabbed one of his hoodies and took the letter with him, and went back downstairs to you. After a moment, the two of you were bundled into his car, on a silent drive to your house.

You arrived at your house, the silence suffocating, and left the car without a firm goodbye. You’d more than likely see him in a couple of days to sort things out, so a goodbye wasn't really needed. He stayed outside your house, watching until the living room light switched on, and once he knew that you were safe, he drove off, feeling empty that you weren't coming back with him. You went to pull his hoodie off, that he had kindly let you wear, and as you did, something fell out of the pocket. Confused, you had bent down to pick it up, and when you unfolded it, you were met with the pink words that said ‘dear (Y/N), please read this.’

That bastard was so sly, but as much as you wanted to throw the letter away, you just couldn't.

So, you got under your purple blanket and started to read.

He knew you had read it, because you had turned up early the next morning, and he pulled you straight into his arms. He felt like a prick for treating you so coldly, so the first thing he did was apologise for acting like he didn't care, because it was so clear that he did. A blind man would be able to see how much he loved and cared about you. He kissed the top of your head, taking you to the living room where he lay down with you, and you felt content.

Just before Yoongi could fall asleep with you safely in his arms, you cracked a joke about the sparkly pink writing, that had the both of you laughing.

After that, he used that damned pen for everything, feeling it was too precious to let go of. He took it to work with him, to scribble on the customers receipts, he went to the convenience store to refill on the ink cartridges so they would never run out. He wrote you notes with it, and the most important thing to you was that he wrote his lyrics with it, all his dark lyrics in sparkly pink ink.

In the grand scheme of things, to any other person, the blanket, the mixtape cover and the pen may not seem special, but they meant everything to you and Yoongi. He loved that the blanket he bought you made you so happy, and that it helped you sleep better, and that his mixtape brought you great comfort and had you feeling like you were on cloud nine. That the inside joke about the pink pen made you laugh still, and left many other people confused. Yoongi made you so much more happier, seeing him was enough to put a huge smile on your face, and being with him felt safe. It felt like home. He was your home. His smile gave you reassurance, his soft voice that offered kind words that rolled off his tongue with ease, were enough to put your mind at ease. And his kisses were to die for as he kissed you so gently, like you were a porcelain doll that could break into tiny pieces at the slightest touch.

You loved him so much, and he you.

And although the two of you weren't ready to say those three words yet, the purple blanket, the black mixtape cover, and the pink pen were all signs that he loved you more than you could ever know, and that was all you needed.

#yoongi x reader #yoongi fluff #min yoongi #yoongi x you #yoongi scenarios #bts fic #bts yoongi #bts suga #bts fanfic #bts fluff #btswritersclub

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bemused-writer · 4 years

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VNC Chapter 46 Analysis

Mochizuki's ability to pack so much into a singular chapter is truly a gift. In this chapter we get a lot of Dominique's POV, which was awesome, but pretty dreary. However, I don't think any of us can blame her; she once told Noé she worried about him blaming himself for what happened to Louis, but she never mentioned how much she is still bearing a great burden from the very same incident.

There's a lot to unpack in this sentence alone, but it reveals a lot about Dominique's mindset. In past chapters, we've already seen that she harbors a great deal of self-doubt; she isn't living up to her family's expectations and she's convinced the man she loves would prefer a different kind of woman, i.e. someone more like Jeanne. However, we see here that her self-doubt is actually better characterized as self-loathing. She doesn't consider herself suitable for Noé whatsoever. So, what is it that she thinks Louis has that she doesn't? She's gone to a lot of trouble to imitate him, after all. I think we can break her perceived failings into the following: 1) She can't be with Noé 24/7. I think a large part of why she thinks Louis would have been a better partner for Noé than herself is because they already lived together. He could have traveled with Noé to Paris, lived with him there, helped him handle Vanitas, Murr, and even Teacher. Basically, she assumes Louis would be ever present at Noé's side in a way she cannot. 2) An outgoing nature/ease of communication. Dominique believes that Noé had an easier time talking to Louis than he does with her. She saw Louis as smart and capable rather than meek and timid. What she doesn't realize is that Noé and Louis actually had a ton of communication problems and that Louis was incredibly withdrawn. I suppose that's the kind of misconstrued takeaway one has when dealing with someone they idolize and another they're crushing on. She doesn't have the clearest sense of their flaws. (Side note: I think it's kind of amusing that she just assumes Louis would be shorter than Noé. I mean, he was taller than him at the time...) So, even before Louis's death Dominique was dealing with some pretty heavy self-esteem issues, but we really see just how far they've developed over the years. The days following his death seem to really have taken a final toll:

Now, this is something I've wondered about for a while, but it's sad to have it confirmed. As I mentioned, Dominique was worried Noé blamed himself, but the truth of it is Dominique blames herself for Louis's death. The reason she's worried about Noé is because she sincerely believes that the only person worthy of this blame is herself. She thinks that if she had simply kept quiet, Louis would still be alive. Judging by how timid Dominique still is at home, I think this philosophy has followed her for her whole life: stay quiet and out of the way and things will be fine. It's completely different from how she is around Noé, but that's because she is trying to put on a persona she thinks Noé would prefer over her actual personality, i.e. Louis's personality. Of course, Noé cares about Dominique because she's one of his best friends; she doesn't need to do this to herself, but she doesn't realize that. She's fixated on this idea of adjusting herself until Noé sees her in the right light and her family accepts her. Unfortunately, we're dealing with a trio whose communication skills are epically bad. Louis asks Dominique to give Noé the chest "when the time is right." How is she supposed to know when that is? And how could he actually expect Noé to put those stakes to use? But the thing is that none of these characters are thinking clearly. Louis was a young person stuck on the idea that he was cursed and going to die. He refused to talk about it to his friends because, well, what could they do about it? Dominique is ridden with insecurities and couldn't be expected to handle the responsibility Louis gave her, and Noé cared far too much about Louis to fulfill his wish. The only person who could have stepped in and sorted any of this out was Teacher, but he's the one who allowed all of it to happen in the first place. So, Dominique does the only thing she can think to do at the time: stay at Noé's side.

Dominique is terrified here; I really think this might be the first time she's ever stood up to Veronica and it's only because of how urgent things are. We've seen in the present that Veronica has absolutely no qualms going toe-to-toe with her own sister or with publicly shaming her in front of the entire vampiric court. This is not a kind woman. And we see that she was no better in the past. Dominique is frightened of her, and then Veronica gives all of her fears and anxieties the final push they need to plague her for the rest of her life. She takes malignant glee at how her sister has been left in the dark (as if this is Dominique's fault; maybe her family should actually try telling her things...), mocks her, and then reveals her birth itself was a shame on the family.

Cruel though this is, it does remind me of a question I've had for a little while now: how do vampires procreate exactly? Apparently, they have to give birth on a full moon, which is already pretty different from their human counterparts. Now we hear that twins are unlucky because they "steal more life." What, exactly, does that mean? I suspect it doesn't simply imply that it makes the pregnancy more strenuous. Could it be that vampires have to very literally give up some of their lifespan to create offspring? Do they have to perform some kind of sacrifice? But it can't be wholly different from humans; otherwise we wouldn't have dhampirs. Well, we'll undoubtedly learn more about that at some point, but it is an interesting concept. Anyway, Dominique asks Veronica why her parents chose her over Louis. I mean, it's a valid question and it's a moment Veronica could have used to compliment her sister, or possibly console her in some way, so naturally she does the opposite. She basically says it was a whim of their father's. Now, I'm not totally sure I believe that. I had believed Louis was taken away because he was a curse bearer, but Veronica is making it sound like the problem was simply that he was a twin. If what Veronica says is true, that means Louis became a curse bearer after the fact and I think I have a sneaking suspicion of how. Teacher said it would be a waste to simply kill one of the babies and let's not kid ourselves by thinking he had purely good intentions here. He told Louis he wanted to see what choices he made. Well, for an experiment to work, you have to actually have some variable you're testing. I think Teacher (who probably has some connection to Charlatan) cursed Louis himself, perhaps to see how long he would last under those kinds of conditions and how he would try to change his fate. Also, I think it's important to point out that Veronica said "If news that your mother had given birth to twins had gotten out, it would have tarnished the name of de Sade." That pretty heavily implies that Veronica and Dominique do not have the same mother, which would make sense. It also raises yet another question of how vampiric society handles things like marriage. To me, it sounds like their father is the head of de Sade second only to Teacher. Does he have multiple wives? Concubines? If women have to give some of their life to have children, it might make sense not to have too many children with one woman, and if the aristocracy is determined to expand the family name, the easiest way of doing that would be by having several children. The de Sades are clearly concerned with preserving the family name and with having enough heirs to handle... I'm not sure. Antoine seems to be in charge of diplomacy, Veronica is a Beastia, and Dominique... What is it that she's supposed to be doing? What is it that they think she's failing at so badly? After Veronica's big reveal, Dominique wonders if Louis knew the truth and to be honest, I don't know if he was ever told, but I wouldn't be surprised if he was. Teacher wasn't exactly gentle with him and I'm sure he would be curious to see how he handled the knowledge that Dominique was very literally chosen over him. She is his twin sister and she can never know. By all accounts, Louis would have been justified in being cruel to her, but he never was; he was always kind and patient, and I think that says more about Louis than anything else ever will. If he hadn't undergone the horrors Teacher chose for him, he probably would have been a much more carefree person.

This scene is just sad on so many levels. Veronica didn't have to plant the seed of doubt in Dominique's mind that Louis would have been a better heir than her. She didn't have to make her wonder if Louis was simply a better candidate for everything she's ever wanted: better at being a de Sade, better for Noé, better for everyone. And poor Noé has no idea he accidentally fed into this. He was just as traumatized as Dominique and, well, she does look a lot like Louis. Who could blame him for mistaking them when he has a raging fever and is in mourning? But the damage is done. Dominique is convinced that Noé would have preferred Louis over her, and this has no doubt fed into her misery over her unrequited love for him as well. Perhaps, on some level, she believes that if she had been Louis, Noé would love her already. Also, this means that Vanitas's jab in volume two is all the more hurtful:

This always read to me as Vanitas saying Dominique was just a stand in for what Noé really wants and while it is true that Noé has thought of Louis on occasion when he's with Dominique, I don't think it's fair to say he wishes she were him. They're twins and they were both Noé's childhood friends. It would be normal for him to miss Louis in such a scenario. But Vanitas is very good at hitting where it hurts and he did so very well with Dominique. If there's one good thing that could come of this arc, I hope it's that Dominique realizes how much Noé cares about her. He goes to her rescue immediately:

We only see Noé get this serious when it has to do with Dominique or Louis. These are the two people he cares for most; he's not messing around when it comes to her rescue. Also, I really like that he doesn't bother with negotiating or any of that. He goes straight to the fighting and it's great; negotiation isn't going to work with this kid. With anyone else, this would be a great tactic, but Misha has a book and is willing to fight dirty. I really feel like this is going to turn into one of those: "If you'd just told me this in advance things could have been different!" moments that Noé and Vanitas have had in the past.

The text bubble really makes it look like Vanitas is just shouting this in the middle of the restaurant. I find that amusing, but wouldn't it make more sense to be thinking this...? XD But! Everyone is piecing things together way faster this arc and that is kind of a relief. Vanitas isn't going to be taken off guard by Noé acting strangely; he knows exactly what kind of damage Misha can do. Furthermore, Noé swiftly puts it together that Misha has done something to Dominique's name. If nothing else, at least everyone is in the know on how bad things are. 8D At any rate, Noé's attacks swiftly come to a halt when Misha uses the book on him. The technique is the same that Vanitas used on him during the Bal Masqué. It seems to primarily function as a stun, but it looks like Misha's was designed to pack a heavier punch because Noé can't move at all while he was able to somewhat when Vanitas used it. Of course, the main difference is that Vanitas didn't want to do permanent damage to Noé; he just needed to prevent him from hindering his job. Misha on the other hand has no qualms about killing a woman, so he definitely wouldn't be opposed to wreaking more havoc still on yet another individual. It's interesting that last chapter we got to see Noé tell Vanitas he's glad he's the person he is now because he's now getting a very fast intro into just how awful Vanitas could have been if he'd been inclined to. These books have the power to seal a vampire's fate, for better or worse. Misha has chosen for the worse.

"Only this book." I suppose that means he didn't inherit the name "Vanitas." (Did Vanitas really inherit it or did he just steal it?) It could also be a way of emphasizing he wasn't given Vanitas's book; just this one.

Amazing how at the end of their introductions, Vanitas is the one who looks decidedly mad, but it's Misha who is infinitely crazier. I guess first impressions aren't everything. 8D

Okay, he says he's kidding, but the only thing he could possibly be joking about is that he's an "average human being," which, let's be honest, sounded a lot like a lie when Vanitas said it, too. I don't think either of them are "average" human beings. Something about being kin to the blue moon changed them and I think we're eventually going to learn more about what and how.

Okay, so here's the thing. Misha may be "evil" but he's not an evil genius. There have been flaws in his plan from the get go, notably that he thought he could fully control Dominique to do anything that would put Noé in danger because I'm pretty sure his original plan went something like this: Dominique asks Noé to follow her. She leads him to Misha. Noé and Misha sit down for a chat. Noé agrees to drink Vanitas's blood and comes back with info. Only, that isn't how it went and it's unlikely this backup plan will work either. Misha is making a lot of assumptions here: 1) Noé has no qualms about drinking Vanitas's blood (as, perhaps, most vampires wouldn't), 2) Threatening Dominique won't lead to massive repercussions, 3) Vanitas himself won't be involved to mess this plan up, 4) Noé is actually capable enough as an Archiviste to locate specific information. Well, none of that is true. Noé has massive reservations about drinking Vanitas's blood, he absolutely will not forgive this kid for threatening Dominique, Vanitas is probably already on his way, and Noé is more likely to lose himself in Vanitas's memories and wind up traumatized than come back with any useful information. 8D I mean, maybe Noé does drink Vanitas's blood because I do believe he'd do just about anything to save Dominique, but I think it's more likely that Vanitas himself will show up and put a wrench in this entire affair. I guess we're going to find out the answer to that pretty swiftly with the next chapter. Anyway, I'm going to toss in a few predictions for this arc and see if any of them stick: Noé and Vanitas actually have to tell each other some of their dark backstories (in other words, Vanitas has to explain who "Father" is and Noé has to explain Louis), Noé doesn't drink Vanitas's blood, Dominique is lost to Noé, but not because she dies. Rather, I think it's more likely these two are going to have a whole lot of revelations about each other and the sheer awkward factor/shame will cause them to need time apart.

#vanitas no carte #vnc meta #vnc spoilers #Bemused's post #long post

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