#MY PARTNER WAS MY AROMANTIC AWAKENING!!!

[dat-physics-boi]

I gotta talk about Tensura

Before i explode, because it's hyperfixation time again apparently.

Brain has decided, i am powerless.

You know, this guy:

I absolutely adore this show, but if you only research it instead of watching, you might get the idea that it's your run of the mill gimmick isekai. And in terms of setting, i would completely agree with you. Even most of the characters are pure stereotypes to be honest, with one singular exception: The MC, Rimuru himself.

-First off. Adult. Not a teen, the dude was in his late 30s when he died. And that shit shows in the maturity of his decisions.

-Secondly, while he's op as fuck, a standard for an isekai really, that isn't the focus. No, that part is treated as the set dressing that it is. The actual story points? They're about diplomacy. About connecting with people. About grief, and how to move through it. About conflict, and how it can be resolved. And about how sometimes it has to be resolved by violence, but that that's never a good first response, only a fallback if all else fails. And about how to enjoy life despite it all, about never being too old to have fun with your friends.

-Third, while this is a headcanon, it's pretty easy to conclude from a couple lines in the first episodes: He's aromantic, though probably also bisexual? You don't tend to see that in media, ever. Or, at least, only if you want to make a character seem evil and heartless, which Rimuru is the polar opposite of.

-Fourth... Look again at this creature and try to tell me he isn't adorable and huggable.

Or look at him with his newly acquired sentient pet friend and humanoid form:

He was such an awakening for me in terms of being aromantic, and arguably also agender. Like, all i had seen before were aros who lamented not being able to feel romantic attraction, or who were called heartless and internalized it.

Or aromantics who argued that they could still have a partner, even if they didn't feel romantic attraction. Which, while true, isn't what I want from life.

Or agender people with really strong dysphoria, who needed to change their body asap. Which, again, while totally understandable, isn't the situation i find myself in.

On the agender part, Rimuru doesn't really mind all too much that his human form is sexless. Sure he makes a comment about it once, but he does have the option of shapeshifting into a different form if he wanted to. And he doesn't take it. I found that incredibly relatable.

Sorry, i know i'm rambling, but i just... needed to express that.

This show, this character, they've arguably changed my life.

This animation gave me a look at realistic optimism with the story it told, and in the same stroke a character i could relate to incredibly well.

#queer #aromantic #agender #that time i got reincarnated as a slime #tensura #rimuru tempest #rambling #you guys i don't think i can really properly explain what they mean to me #both the show as well as the character

[intuitivesef]

What is coming to you?

Pick a card reading

Don’t second guess yourself when choosing a card. Trust your intuition.

Take what resonates, leave what doesn’t.

Credit for dividers: firefly-graphics

Masterlist

Pile 1:

I’m hearing boy trouble? Okay, so I’m assuming you’re dealing with relationship issues or your crush not liking you back (this is for anyone you like. I think what I heard is more based on an expression). If that’s the case for you then you’re in luck. I hear whatever your heart desires will come to fruition. Your love issue will either be solved OR is a lesson for you. if it’s a lesson then this will lead to your spiritual awakening. I do see someone already in their spiritual awakening, and if that’s the case for you then this situation has a meaning, and a lesson you need to learn. We deal with the same lesson repeatedly until we learn what we need to fix. I also heard toxic trouble, so perhaps you’re dealing with a toxic relationship with your partner, co-worker, boss, etc. Yeah, okay, so, this is definitely a lesson for each and every one of you, and once you learn what needs to be done with the repeated situation (if it keeps happening), everything will go your way. What I'm hearing is, "my dear child, I'm so sorry for putting you through this journey multiple times, but you keep ignoring my signs. I am trying to show you that you deserve better. I am trying to show you how to love better. I am showing you that everything will become better when you try to understand my signs. I don't want to put you through this again, but you won't listen to me.. what must be done, must be done and for that, I hope you forgive me.."

want to give me tips, thank me, pay me, etc for my channeled readings? -> $intuitivesef - thanks :)

Pile 2:

Some type of love (good or bad. Be cautious with it is all i hear and also keep your guard up. Be wary) is coming your way. No, it’s not a romantic relationship. A ton of love is heading your way. People will be treating you with so much love, you’re going to question some of it, and you have every right because I hear some of the love you will receive will have a hidden meaning. I also hear backstabbers, so please be careful with the love you will accept because not everyone has the best intentions. Another thing is, you will get friends who are the definition of friends. They will check up on you, text you on a daily basis, set boundaries, etc. I don’t see any toxic friends, however, someone will give you an offer of love. Don’t accept it. That’s the person with a personal vendetta. Their intention with you isn’t good and I see you being excited about it. They’re very charming, but remember, they don’t have the best intention.

Now, for those of you who are aromantic (because I hear that), you will not be interested in this person, but I see some of you will pity them. No, you won’t go forth with the relationship, however, you may say, “let’s stay as friends.” No, don’t do that. I’m not sure what it is, but I feel very uneasy about them.

I want to say stalkerish vibes, but I get a feeling that someone is watching me. That’s what I’m feeling trying to figure out their vibes. All I can say is it’s not good, so please be careful with them.

want to give me tips, thank me, pay me, etc for my channeled readings? -> $intuitivesef - thanks :)

Pile 3:

Well for starters, are you dealing with money issues? I hear financial issues, but I hear a lot of money coming your way. If you’re thinking about changing your job to a new one, go for it. It will give you the abundance you deserve and need. If you’re looking for a job, find one that suits you and is something in your best interest. If you’re dealing with school debt, no worries, I see and hear something good is coming your way. I hear it’s a surprise, so I have no intention of ruining that for you:). All I hear is, “money, money, money.” I see some of you are manifesting for money. Keep at it because IT IS coming your way! I hear some of you are doubting what I’m saying. No need for that because I see so much money heading your way. I’m very excited for you, but I do hear, “spend it wisely.” Some of you spend your money on things that don’t benefit you and I’m not talking about the things you want to buy for fun. I’m talking about the “eh, why not?” “Please spend it more wisely,” is all I’m hearing. So yeah, money is heading your way whether you manifested it or not, but some of you need to be careful. For those of you who spend it on the people who don’t deserve it, stop that. Not only are they LEECHING on your energy and your money, but they don’t have the best intention with you, so you need to find people who are better for you. If you're spending money in a store because you feel anxious that you didn't purchase anything, stop that. Not only do they not care whether you bought something or not, but you're wasting your money on something that doesn't benefit you. One thing I am hearing is, "change your mindset, kiddo." So, yeah, change your mindset and buy something that means a lot to you. It's okay to be anxious about that, a lot of people feel the same way, but stop doing that. It's hurting you and the hard work YOU put in to make THAT money.

want to give me tips, thank me, pay me, etc for my channeled readings? -> $intuitivesef - thanks :)

#pick an image #pick a picture #pick a number #pick a photo #channel messages #pick a card reading #pick a photo reading #pick a image reading #reading #tarot card #free tarot reading #free readings #free intuitive readings #future reading #intution #intutive #intuitive readings #pick a side #pick a card #channeling #channeled message #psychic #psychic readings #present readings #readings #future spouse #tarot future spouse #fs pac #fs pics #timeless reading

[irinaclockworker94]

Aroallo Scarab headcanons (God auditor version).

I've traveled across the entire multiverse... and I'm the one who's missing out?

If you came here from AO3, thanks for reading my silly story. 

This art is a creation of the fabulous, fantastic, amazing, talented, stunning Kooi_koo

When they finally send me my commission, I was so happy about it. It’s perfect. I spent five hours looking at it XD

You should check their art. It’s amazing!

But, going back to Scarab...

So, Scarab is one of my comfort characters, and I decided to laser beame him as aroallo because I can (and he gives me the vibes, okay?). So, here are some of my headcanons about him. 

(By the way, some of these apply to him in the Human AU too). 

CW: Suggestive/sexual content.

Scarab has a really high libido and used to bang like crazy until he acquired the title of God Auditor. 

He started to become a workaholic so he could forget about sex. Because according to him, his new position wouldn’t need him to get distracted.

But, from time to time, he rarely used his shapeshifting ability to get laids. And always kept his real identity in the dark. For the sake of professionalism.

He feels some kind of repulsed toward romance, especially romantic gestures. He can’t find the appeal in them. 

He always saw himself as not partnering. He never felt drawn to people or cosmic beings in that way. For a long time, he convinced himself he was like that for his workaholic tendencies. 

He doesn’t like to use the word ‘love’. He prefers to use other words like tenderness, admiration, or similar to show his feelings. (Feelings he expressed more until he started to live in the Time Cube with Prismo). 

The last creature that called him ‘my boyfriend’, to refer him, ended up inside an egg.

About developing friendships… he likes them in theory. And crave them to some degree. But he just can’t attempt to make them work, because for him is hard to feel an attachment to people. 

That applies to family bondings too.

Living with Prismo surely made him see things from a different perspective. Scarab considered Prismo an annoyance for quite some time.

Until Prismo and Scarab got creative. Come on, being in the Time Cube must be boring sometimes. Of course, they will explore each other’s bodies (and a lot of kink’s awakenings happened). 

Continuing with the kink part, Scarab’s occasional partners LOVED his mummy form. They always get creative in funny ways. (Roleplay? Bondage? Both?)

While writing fanfics with Prismo, he discovered the different shipping troupes. Scarab likes the Enemies-to-lovers trope because of the amount of sexual tension. But he would rather prefer it to be ‘Enemies to Friends with Benefits’.

Scarab started to question his orientation after watching the Fionna World, where some friends were talking and one of them confessed to being ‘aromantic’.

Prismo showed him support from the beginning and both started research to put a name to Scarab’s experiences.

Scarab immediately found comfort in the label aroallo because it describes perfectly his experience. And he doesn't want to specify who he is attracted to.

To some degree he identifies with other labels as ‘loveless’, ‘aplatonic’, and ‘afamilial’, but he feels more comfortable using just aroallo because, for him, his attraction is about ‘all or nothing’ and not completely fitting in other labels makes him scream.

He’s aware of terms like gray, demi, etc, but again, Scarab is too dense for his own good to even consider using them. 

And when he began to feel a different kind of attraction (non sexual) towards Prismo, he freaked out.

Then, he learned about other kinds of attraction different from romantic and he felt some relief. 

He still doesn’t know how he feels towards Prismo. All he knows is he cares for him and has the most exquisite sex together.

Scarab still refuses to see Prismo as a partner. And Prismo is okay with that. 

Prismo immediately accepted the fact that Scarab wouldn’t grant him a romantic relationship, but thanks to Scarab, he discovered other ways of bonding with him. and even with other people.

#adventure time fionna and cake #scarab fionna and cake #scarab the god auditor #human scarab #scarab fanart #headcanon #aromantism #aroallo #loveless aro #aplatonic #afamilial #the last three tags are barely mentioned but I decided to add them anyway #because representation matters #aroallo agenda #suddenly I realized a lot of my comfort characters wear mask or cover their faces #with their hair #or a paper bag #that surely must say something about me #well i'm having fun

[changingplumbob]

New Goth Household: Chapter 3, Part 2

Joey tries to get lucky at the romance festival despite not having any romantic feelings ever, and Alexander and James manage some alone time. Then Winterfest begins!

We’re back and Joey is throwing ornaments at the tree with reckless abandon in an effort to… place the tree skirt?

James: What are you doing

Joey: Helping before I jet to the romance festival

James: I thought you were… sorry I’m trying to learn the right words. Aromantic?

Joey: Correct bro. But you know what the romance festival has? Dolled up chicks ready to meet me. Catch you on the flip

James: What do you think he means Gertrude? The flip of what? Honestly those bro sims

Gertrude: *meows in agreement*

Joey arrives and the few sims who showed are not properly dressed. Better fix that. Don’t want another Jacob Volkov situation.

Joey: No girl is going to wear a skirt in this

Yumiko: Damn right

Joey: Oh hey, are you open

Yumiko: No, I just spawned here in a uniform for fun

Joey: How about helping a guy warm up

Yumiko: You’ll need a better line than that

Joey: I meant the ramen but if you’re offering something extra...

Yumiko: That’ll be 12 simoleons

Joey: And with my smile

Yumiko: 12 simoleons

Joey: You drive a hard bargain but I like that in a woman

Yumiko: OMW it’s not my fault it’s a snowstorm and no other women appeared but you are done talking to me, okay?

So Joey takes his ramen and eats it alone. He does get a confidence boost from chopstick mastery though.

Joey: You’re the guru right? Tell me, is there any point staying here? Will I find anyone

Guru: Matters of the heart are tricky to interpret

Joey: What about matters of the pixel parts

Guru: You do not care for romance?

Joey: Not at all. But like I want a kid someday so a partner of some kind might be okay, if she lets me woohoo her, and woohoo other women because have you seen the boobs in this save

Guru: I foresee you having to wait many moons to find a woman like that, but she will come along

Joey doesn’t really know what to make of that “wisdom”. What do gurus even know? They’re coded to promote romance after all. Dude probably thought he could sway him but Joey is who he is.

*phone rings*

Joey: Well hey hot stuff, what’s up

Tuesday: I’m having an issue, can you swing by. I have a new place by the way

Joey: Text me the address and I’ll be there

Tuesday: You sure

Joey: What are friends with benefits for if not being at the mercy of each others whims

Joey: You all right? You sounded tense on the phone

Tuesday: You know that guy I’ve been screwing

Joey: The redhead or the one who enjoys weightlifting

Tuesday: Not the redhead, he had the stamina of a goldfish

Joey: That’s not a saying

Tuesday: Point is, Mr weightlifting decides to give me the talk

Joey: Oh he did not

Tuesday: Yet again it’s all “Oh Tuesday, I know you think you can’t feel love, but I feel love with you. Be my girlfriend, commit to me, and I’ll awaken the romance inside”

Joey: Damn alloromantic idiots

Tuesday: It’s such a shame because he was so good at woohoo, he always let me go first

Joey: You know who else is good at it? You

Tuesday: I am aren’t I

Joey: You are the queen of sighs, sexy glances and roving hands

Tuesday: Go on

Joey: A woman as skilled as you will only be alone if she wants to be

Tuesday: What can I say, my study buddy keeps improving so I must strive to meet him

Joey: We starting down here then

Tuesday: Perk of the new house, no roomates. Scooch back

Joey: Hold on, I thought a gentleman always gets the lady off first

Tuesday: It’s good practice, but I’ve found you’re more creative if we do you first, and I want some creative tonight. So lean back, and close those pretty brown eyes

Alexander: Bedtime now

Milton: Story first please

Alexander picks out a book and is reading away when Milton interrupts.

Milton: Will Father Winter really come tomorrow

Alexander: Tomorrow night, I promise

Milton: Do you think he can bring me mummy. I’ve been really good

Alexander: I’m sure you have but Milton… I don’t think Father Winter can deliver people

Milton sighs sadly and looks over at the photos of Bella that Dina was only too happy to let him have.

Alexander: Someday, somehow Milton, we’re going to figure out what happened

A few more minutes of reading and Milton drifts off. James has been busy in the corner cuddling the cats within an inch of their nine lives.

Alexander: I can see you’re taking good care of the babies

James: Yes Hamlet, you’re my baby, aren’t you? Aren’t you?

Alexander: I’m so glad they make you smile, even if they are troublemakers

James: Some of the best people are troublemakers. My favourite person is actually a homewrecker

Alexander: *laughs* Oh is he

James: Yep. I was married and he swept in and seduced me

Alexander: What a git

James: *laughs* I guess the bed is out for tonight but the shower still has plenty of space away from tiny ears

Alexander: Just don’t slip and hurt yourself sweets

The two head for the bathroom, lock the door, and have some precious alone time.

In the bedroom Gertrude snores away but Hamlet is bored. The poor boy hasn’t been hugged in 10 whole minutes and breaks into an opera about the tragedy that is his life living in a mansion. Unsurprisingly this wakes Milton up, but to be fair he hates sleep time so probably would have woken up soon enough anyway.

Milton: Don’t cry Hamlet, I right here

Milton picks a book out and begins to read to Hamlet who settles on the bed. When James and Alexander are both satisfied they make sure to get dressed before heading out of the bathroom, just in case.

Alexander: What are you doing up

Milton: Hamlet sad so I read story for cheer up

Alexander: That’s very kind of you but Hamlet is dramatic and it’s past your bedtime. Come on, time to sleep

Milton pushes himself up, deliberately going... as slow... as... he... can.

Alexander tucks Milton in and then heads to bed. The next time Milton wakes up it’s not Hamlet’s fault, see, he’s got a scratching post alibi. Milton just needs to use the potty. Downstairs it seems that Gertrude has again decided to knock out the trash and play in it at a time when there’s no one to tell her off. Clever girl. When Milton returns he needs to shoo Hamlet off before he can get back in.

Winterfest is upon us! Marta wakes up first, she’s used to being up early for her barista shifts. She takes some time to wish her family a merry Winterfest, and hopes they’re happy in the timeless save.

Keira: Have you ever slept in

Marta: Sorry carino, just feeling nostalgic

Keira: I’m sorry I never got to meet them

Marta: You’ll meet them one day, and I’ll see them again

Keira: I hope I’m good enough

Marta: Carino what am I always saying, do not talk yourself down. Now, come back to bed and I’ll show you how wonderful you are

Keira: Aww, it’s not finished, Milton will be so sad

Marta: You have two hands do you not? We can finish it

Keira: I suppose all it needs is some ornaments and a topper

Marta: There, hardly any time at all

Keira: Should we light it

Marta: James was wanting to wait for the toddlers to all be here

The first to make it their family Winterfest gathering is Joey who heads to Tartosa. After a quick family photo he spends some time catching up and exchanging gifts.

Second stop for Winterfest is the Foster gathering in Sulani. Reece somehow cons Samir into wearing matching paired shirts and Clover gets lots of attention. Keira and Samir click over their mutual distrust of strangers and of course Carson and Reece poke fun at each other.

And finally the Misters Goth have their family lunch. Milton tries to share the love with Savannah but she is not interested in getting along just right now. Seriously he can’t say anything to her in the friendly or funny categories? She can talk so not sure why they can’t communicate toddler to toddler

You get a gift, and you get a gift, and you get a gift! Everyone gets a gift! Alexander got some upgrade parts, James got a new PC and Milton got his first voidcritter card. Then everyone gathers for that magic moment, the lighting of the tree (yes I forgot to do it earlier, we’re rolling with it people)

Previous Part ... Next Part

#sims 4 #the sims 4 #the sims #Rotation8 #ChangingPlumbobStoryime #NewGothHousehold #JoeyYork #JamesGoth #MiltonGoth #AlexanderGoth #MartaRomero #KeiraFoster #simblr #R0802

[swords-and-aros]

I posted 141 times in 2022

42 posts created (30%)

99 posts reblogged (70%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@gender-whos-she

@arohumor

@identity-thief-impersonator

@mossy-covered-bones

@asexual-society

I tagged 90 of my posts in 2022

Only 36% of my posts had no tags

#aro - 39 posts

#queer - 21 posts

#aromantic - 19 posts

#a-spec - 17 posts

#lgbtq+ - 17 posts

#ace - 14 posts

#arospec - 13 posts

#queer quotes - 12 posts

#a-spec quotes - 12 posts

#arospec awareness week - 11 posts

Longest Tag: 118 characters

#love is inherently viewed as romantic so i added in the (platonic) part as a way to put platonic love front and center

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Fray: it was love at first sight

Fray: I just keep forgetting to renew the membership

56 notes - Posted February 24, 2022

#4

Aphobe: aro isn’t a thing, there’s something medically wrong with you

Fray: begins glowing and levitating

Aphobe: what’s happening?

Lith, not looking up from their book: every time someone says something aphobic, an a-spec gains superpowers

Cupio: all of us have gotten like three already

88 notes - Posted February 21, 2022

#3

Allo: so you’re aro?

Grey: yes

Allo: and you’re aro?

Demi: yes

Allo: and you’re aro too?

Lith: yes

Allo: but all of you have experienced romantic attracted before?

Grey: yes

Demi: everyone aro’s experience with romance and romantic attraction is different

Lith: aromanticism isn’t a monolith

Allo: that makes a lot of sense actually

134 notes - Posted February 26, 2022

#2

Aro: we aren’t dating

Allo: oh really

Aro: yeah

Allo: tell me, do you hang together, often, alone?

Aro: yeah?

Allo: and do you going to each other’s families for holidays?

Aro: of course

Allo: and don’t you two always cuddle together when watching movies?

Aro: I’m not seeing your point

Allo: you two are so obviously a couple

Aro: literally nothing you mentioned is exclusively romantic

Allo: oh yeah? who else would you do these with if not someone you’re dating?

Aro: a friend

766 notes - Posted February 22, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

“Demisexual/romantic is how normal people experience attraction, you’re not special”

That’s our bad, I guess there’s been a misunderstanding

I didn’t realize:

- “love at first sight” is just a joke

- celebrity crushes are a joke

- characters from shows and movies being one’s sexual awakening aren’t actually a thing

- people don’t actually ask their friends to set them up on dates

- everyone had formed a friendship with their current partner months/years before ever viewing them in a romantic light

- the idea of dating someone you’ve been friends for years with is normalized and not viewed as potentially ruining the friendship

- that whole “I’m in love with X, but they don’t even know I exist” thing is made up

- the whole “X changed their look and I find them hot now” is also made up

- flirting with strangers isn’t a thing

- asking out someone you just meant isn’t a thing

- blind dates aren’t a thing

- one night stands are complete fiction

- no one has ever been turned on by a stranger

- “sex sells” is a complete lie, no one really knows why those women are washing those cars in bikinis, it’s a weird choice of clothes

12,866 notes - Posted January 15, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

[higuchimon]

Hi their if you were in charge of doing a GX reboot I wonder what roles you're going to give to the elite trio same as canon or have them appear as 3rd years in the beginning with Ryo. If you're doing the latter part then what role you would give to Fubuki and Yusuke post S1. And for Yubel will you have her appear as Judai's partner since the beginning or foreshadow her early. Final question what are the improvement you want to make for each season and the characters you wish to get rid of

Let's start at the bottom. The only characters I would not have are Ayanojouji & Mitsuo. Their episodes would be replaced by plot & character relevant duels that feature Asuka (who would also defeat Darkness & save her brother instead of standing there uselessly).

I would include Amon's family as developed characters, as well as Manjoume's brothers. Maybe, though I doubt it, doing so would lessen the amount of "Chosaku & Shoji beat Jun every day of the week & twice on Sundays". I would also introduce Juudai's parents as people, not vague impressions & be clearer on how his memories were suppressed (since apparently too many people can't tell the difference between an MRI machine & shock therapy).

I would give Asuka a full character arc & since it's not the early 2000s anymore, she'd flatly state she's asexual/aromantic & respects Juudai because he treats her like a duelist & not talking marriage meat.

Yubel would be hinted at sooner - I like the idea that the Shadow Game Juudai played against Titan in episodes 5-6 could awaken his memories to a degree. But I have a whole fic involving that.

Yuusuke still wouldn't appear until s4 & Fubuki would play a somewhat larger role in s2, possibly involving his own experiences with Darkness. Perhaps an episode or a mention that he & Shou both tried to get in touch with Ryou after Edo defeated him but Ryou refused to answer them.

There's a lot of misconceptions & errors about certain events that I see & I would go out of my way to correct them.

oh, & the part of s3 where Juudai's in black armor & conquering Dark World would be expanded by about another 50 episodes. And go into deep details. Maybe even a mini-arc about Chronos & Echo & their own time in Dark World.

#higuchimon answers #ygo gx

[mlm-writer]

Pride Month Prompts

READ ALL WORKS HERE

Ok so we are basically doing kinktober for pride month. Basically here are my prompts for the month (I will write them in advance and release them somewhere during pride month one by one). Scroll all the way down for rules on requests for pride month. 

Trans reader is accompanied by their partner to the bathroom because they don't pass as their preferred gender yet and they are scared to go alone [TAKEN: Thor x FtM reader]

Roommate thinks he is homophobic, because gay reader kissing men on the couch angers him inexplicably much. Turns out he doesn't mind reader kissing men as long as the man reader is kissing is him. (Yes based on that reddit post)  [TAKEN: Adrian Chase x reader]

Bigender reader sometimes presents very masculine, other times very feminine. Their dumbass crush thinks there are two separate people they are in love with and is having severe bi-panic until they find out they are in love with just one person.  [TAKEN: Leonard Snart x reader]

Drag queen reader is afraid of telling their boyfriend about their job. A rival drag queen exposes them to their boyfriend, before the reader gets a chance to tell him themself. Boyfriend is either very supportive from the get go or needs to be educated.

Pre-op MtF x FtM partners finding a way to have sex without triggering each other's gender dysphoria [TAKEN: Ray Palmer x Reader]

Demisexual reader thought they were asexual, but after a year or two with their current partner, there are new feelings bubbling and now it looks like they have to come out a second time.  [TAKEN: Adrian Chase x reader]

Asexual reader willing to engage in some sexual activity with a partner trying to find a way that satisfies both their needs and preferences [TAKEN: Stephen Strange x Reader]

Perfectly straight man finds something awakening in him after getting picked up like he weighted nothing by hunky reader (yes based on that one TikTok) [TAKEN: Dick Grayson x reader]

And they were two closeted roommates trying to figure out if the other is gay without exposing themselves  [TAKEN: Peter Parker (TH ver) x reader]

FtM reader learning to pee standing up, failing miserably, getting anxious and then getting help from their lovely AMAB partner [TAKEN: Wade Wilson x reader]

Autosexual person gets cloned and sexy times ensue 

Aromantic reader and their aromantic best friend unaffected by love potion and are the last hope against the evil wizard 

Explaining gender/sexuality to an non-human sentient being who has no concept of gender/sexuality [TAKEN: Grunt ft. MShenko]

Gay sailor boy unaffected by the sirens. He's the only one who can save the ship… with the hot captain apparently… [TAKEN: John Constantine x reader]

No man or woman could kill the beast. Time to send the agender knight. 

You can request a character x reader, but I am also willing to do some (platonic) ships (see my character list for all characters I write). As you see there are only 15 prompts, which means you can also send prompts of your own in my asks. Normally I only write male and gender neutral/unspecified readers, but for pride month, I am willing to expand. I will not do cis female reader though or lesbians (not because I hate lesbians; I just feel weird writing about lesbians as a man). All stories written are meant to be works written to celebrate the community and the flavours we have to offer. Except for the gender restiction, my usual rules apply. Lastly, characters that are canonly male, will not be written as MtF and characters that are canonically female, will not be written as FtM. Happy requesting! 

#fanfic #pride month #gay #homosexual #asexual #reader #male reader #ftm reader #mtf reader #writing prompts #pride #non binary reader #non binary #genderfluid #agender #gender neutral reader #genderfluid reader #asexual reader #ace reader #x reader #aromantic #pansexual #bisexual #bi reader #panromantic #pansexual reader #trans reader #nb reader #autosexual #bigender

[dienamights]

Ellipsism | K.Bakugou

Ellipsism: A sadness that you’ll never be able to know how history will turn out.

» Pairing: Katsuki Bakugou x Fem!Reader.

» Word count: 1.9K

» Genre: Angst 

» Summary: In a world where everyone is born with a unique tattoo on their ankle, and every time they fall in love with someone, their tattoo appears somewhere else on the body of the person they love. You come to the realization that it might not be as simple as that, and all your childhood dreams would come and bite you in the ass.

» Warning(s): ANGST, mentions of self-harm.

» Author’s notes: Listen, I don’t particularly like angst, but I love the way it hurts, y’know? Not sure if I want this to have a happy ending or not (in a second part) and honestly I’m leaning towards the latter, I love pain and I have no idea what would happen. Also, peep the “tattoo” in the header its relevant to the story ahaha

Thank you everyone for the support and love, it means the world to me that people enjoyed my Kacchan representation! Lemme give you smooches.

Big smooches to @tteokdoroki and @sightoru for making me feel good about hurting them🤧❤️

» Masterlist | Requests

The sun had awakened and was promptly emerging through the hazy sky. The cloudy layer created a gloomy blanket from the sun. You jolted awake, your neck aching from your sleeping position and you twisted your head side to side to relieve some of the pain, before reaching for your phone and holding the bright screen to your face to check the time. Alas, the screen was turned off without registering the time nor how long were you asleep for.

You lifted your eyes to see the grey out the window in front of you. With that fog, the trees and buildings never ended, they floated upwards, seemingly as endless as beanstalks. Reaching your head back, it met the wooden counter. You were in the kitchen, fell asleep on the floor and slumped against the counters, the empty bottle laying across from you a reminder of the event that transpired the previous night - maybe morning? You didn't really know.

You lazily extended your legs in front of you, eyeing your sock-clad feet and the tattoo that peaked from the clothing. Blooming lilacs that danced and branched out, the stem wrapping around your ankle oh so loosely, almost teasingly. Lilacs that represented happiness and tranquility, which you have never felt more far from. 

Remembering the old days, the better days, you with your poofy dress, so blindingly pink it demanded everyone's attention, giggling with your friends that adorned similar attire to yours, showing each other the tattoos that hugged your ankles, in endless shapes and sizes, dreaming about who the lucky person you’ll share your tattoo with would be, who was lucky enough to capture your heart and claim it as their own, and offering theirs in return.

Bedtime stories were your favorite quality time with your mother, where you’d both forget about the story cradled in her hands and you’d spend your night tracing the few tattoos that scattered across her arms. Asking her how could she love so many people and have them love her in return before loving her husband - your father - the only person she was meant to be with, only to wait with bated breath for an answer you already heard so many times you probably memorized it by now. You’d be entranced at the way her eyes always softened, a light gleaming in them as she would explain to you, again and again, with no sign of ever getting bored, how she have never and would never regret the people she loved, because in some twisted way of the universe, it led her to the father of her beautiful child, that snuggled her in her princess bed. 

Alas, asking her how you came to the world received a totally different reaction, and you refrained from asking her that again until later on in life.

Whenever your grandma visited, you’d run to hug her old and withered body, apologizing when she would howl about her aching back and dragging her to sit with the excuse to help her rest, but you both knew you wanted to hear stories, your teenage self was so ready to fall in love, so excited to have a piece of someone you adored with all your heart decorating your skin, inking it in the most beautiful forms of promise.

She always made her past lovers sound like prince charmings right out of a novel, the kind of guys with the power and confidence that seemed perfect in every way. The kind of guys schoolgirls woke up and went to school for in the morning. The kind of guys that hit women of all ages right between the eyes every time they were seen and stirred up their fantasies.

And by God, did you not realize that your grandmother wasn't spewing bullshit after all these years, because there he was, a storm in each step he took, fire in his knuckles erupting and seething with fierceness. He was an explosion of bare, raw, real mystery. A soft caress of the wind, warm sand, and pure silence. He was colors and textures and shapes and designs, all combined together in an artistic canvas that thrived for attention but wouldn't stoop to admitting it. 

You remembered the day your lilacs embellished his shoulder, shyly peeking through his hero suit, claiming everyone’s attention on their petals as they swayed on his skin, the attention of the media as the shoulder of the hero, Dynamight, was showcased on social media, people envying whoever was able to capture the exploding hero’s heart.

As if he wasn’t capable of love, they didn't see what you saw, they will never have the privilege, because when he dropped the façade of the hero, he’d come home to you, knock on your apartment door and you’d flee to open it to him to lay your eyes on him, a tired laugh, sore muscles, a teasing glint in crimson eyes, golden hair tasseled after a sleepless night. He was secure embraces oozing with warmth. He was toughness and hardness, perfectly mixed in with trust and care.

It was at that day it happened, in the middle of the living room while the newsman was talking nonsense about the hero, the warmth wrapped around your wrist, gripping it like a vice with no intention of letting go; yes it burned, you remembered the sting, it just paled in comparison to the warmth in your chest, the warmth of the tears escaping your eyes as you held your wrist close to your chest, happily whispering about how this was what love felt like. You also recalled that it was at that exact moment the hero, your hero, walked into your apartment, dropping everything and running the small distance to your hunched body to grab at your wrist to inspect the damage he thought was done to it.

Only for his eyes to meet that one wretched inking he loathed all his life, the - meaningless doodles, he’d call them - that blemished his skin, he remembered the remarks, how no one would be able to share that blotch of his with him because who could ever love him? Who could ever endure him, with all of that ego and all of that anger? And as time passed, he believed it, he believed them, that he wasn’t worthy to be loved, that he was only meant to save, not be saved as well, not even from himself.

But there you were, there you fucking were, crying and laughing and struggling to breath as you repeated the words you’ve been dying to confess, 

“I love you, Katsuki.”

Suddenly, that speckle that was always hidden under his socks brought him happiness, brought him love, and damn did he deserve it, because he fought for it, he endured hell for it, and there you were, wrapped around his arm and repeating those three words against his lips between heated kisses.

He was pleasure and lust. Rough groans and mutual needs. A burning touch. Your name hanging by his lips, breathless kisses and hair-tugging and hot flesh against hot flesh.

He was an illusion you thought it'll never materialize, and yet here he was. 

Here he was, all highs and lows, smiles and frowns, softness and roughness, carefulness and danger. Here he was, a tiny spark of thunder, sparkling with passion, loyalty and dedication, protection, satisfaction, confidence and love.

Here he was…

Where was he?

The inking you used to spend hours admiring now haunts you, the design that used to whirl and twirl across your wrist as you hummed while tracing it now felt like shackles, squeezing so tight against you as you tried to break free. The black almost shrouded by the coats of metallic red that spilled from your attempts of escape. The dark crimson that matches his eyes, the eyes you know you won't forget, you know you don't want to forget, no matter how you’ll feel better if you do.

The girl staring right at you through the distorted reflection created by the dishwasher judged you, all mangled and blurry, yet the tear stains and numb eyes are hard to ignore, easily cutting through the deformed reflection.

You and the girl in front of you envied your friend, the aromantic that was never interested to fall in love, only possessing their own tattoo that graced their ankle, with no one else's accompanying it, sure it looked lonely on some days, but who were you to judge?

You remembered what they always told you, that it wasn't always the fairy tales your family fed you. They told you about their mother, who had an affair and fell in love, spending almost a year hiding the tattoo of her fling from her husband before being caught, they told you how their father was broken beyond repair, he who also was so drunk on the idea of falling in love and being loved in return, just like you were for all those years. They told you of the heart break that you might have to face when your partner’s inking is embedded into you, but not the other way around, how you had to decide whether to wait for your own personal design to mark its location onto them or leave, always being haunted by the part of them that you can't get rid of, no matter what you do.

They never told you about this kind of heartbreak though, the one where you’re both so in love, so happy, destined to be together forever, because what could possibly go wrong?

You never got the answer to that, you remembered asking him as he dragged his suitcase out of the apartment, the tears cascading down his face never answered you as he apologized again and again, mumbled how you deserved to be loved by someone that wasn’t him, babbled about him not deserving you. About how he won’t ever love someone besides you when he caught your eye scanning whatever was visible of his arms, in fear of finding out a piece of someone that wasn't yourself.

You finally got up, legs numb and steps wobbly from sitting on the floor for so long, you eyed the door, still unlocked after his leave a couple of hours ago - maybe more it's still unclear - no urge of yours strong enough to get you up to lock it again. You moved slowly, as if the shuffle of your feet is causing you pain, and in a way, it did, because you know when you reach the living room couch, there won't be the warm arms that engulfed you, because what else did you have other than the warmth you surrounded yourself with when you told him to hold you close to him?

That's right, nothing. 

As you laid down on the couch and allowed yourself to be suffocated by the scent of caramel, you cursed at all the fantasies and dreams that clouded your mind day and night, you frowned and scrunched your nose at the scent that used to mean love and warmth, but now only burnt your nose and teared up your eyes.

A constant reminder, just like the defaced wrist you brought closer to inspect and hissing when the cold air bit at it. You recalled the lilacs and swore at them, the same lilacs that symbolized love and passion, but looking more withered and torn the more you looked at them.

Good, guess they know how I feel.

Borrowers (taglist):

if you want to be tagged with for any of my fics let me know ♡

#tw: self harm #this shit hurted #i know theres like one sentence of dialog in here #speed past that #I WANTED EMOTIONS #AND PAIN #katsuki angst #katsuki x you #katsuki x reader #katsuki bakugou angst #katsuki bakugou x you #katsuki bakugou x reader #bakugou angst #bakugou x you #bakugou x reader #nami writes

[whenwordsmakesense]

Pride-Write 2021

This is all my contributions for @pridewrite2021 . The AO3 version can be found here. 

This will be updated once the works are posted.

Edit 06/06/2021: The links are for AO3. Once this event is over, I will add the Tumblr posts links as well. 

Edit 30/06/2021: So, I was unable to finish all these prompts in time. BUT after asking the mods, I have decided to use some of these prompts to use for my future works. They won’t count towards this event, but I’ll still link them below. 

Edit 18/10/2021: I know I said that I'll use the prompts later... but at this point, I don't think I will, sadly. But I'll still keep this as it is... maybe, someday, I'll write something. It's not gonna be soon tho, as far as I can say.

Day 1: Lesbian | Music/Dance/Art

For the Prompt: Lesbian

The Werecoyote and The Kitsune

Fandom: Teen Wolf

Ship: Malia Tate (Hale) × Kira Yukimura

Words: 1k

Summary:  Kira Yukimura was her home, and Malia Hale couldn't be more content with her life.

Day 2: Gay | Rainbow

For the Prompt: Gay

From The Mess Rises a Poetrywolf

(Tumblr version)

Fandom: Teen Wolf

Ship: Derek Hale × Stiles Stilinski

Words: 2.6k

Summary: Stiles smiled, and kissed Derek's cheek that was closest to him. “I will do anything and everything for those I love. I will.” His smiled widened at Derek's blush. “Well. You know how I felt after that. We didn't lose anyone close to us but we did lose people—I hated myself. But you didn't. Because you saw the person I was before, waiting to be brought back to the surface. And you were right. I am not the same as I was, but, I am better then that.” Derek's hand had found his, and their hands were interlaced, now. Even though he was reliving something he hated to, Stiles couldn't stop smiling.

Day 3: Bisexual | Angst

Day 4: Queer | Drag

For the prompt: Queer

Awakening

(Tumblr Version)

Fandom: Teen Wolf

Ship: Derek Hale × Stiles Stilinski

Words: 1.3k

Summary: Kid!Stiles realizing boys are equally as pretty as girls.

Day 5: Asexual | Cake

For the prompt: Asexual

You're not Broken

(Tumblr Version)

Fandom: Supernatural

Ships: Dean Winchester × Castiel | Sam Winchester × Eileen

Words: 1.5k

Summary: Dean Winchester has done many things in his life that normal people would find either absurd or completely unbelievable. Which isn't something bad, ‘Ignorance is bliss’ is literally the hunter's motto, and he doesn't mind not being normal most of the time.

‘Most of the time’ also happens to be either hunting mythical creatures or cuddling and snuggling with his partner who is a literal Angel of The Lord with all the capital letters, and not his three-year-old son wearing the face and body of a definitely-older-than-sixteen's of his own asking him as to how he knows if he wants to have sex with someone.

For the prompt: Cake

Spoiled

(Tumblr Version)

(This fic has been written for two prompts. See below).

Day 6: Aromantic | Realisation

For the prompt: Realisation

Spoiled

Fandom: Teen Wolf

Ships: Peter Hale × Chris Argent | Derek Hale × Stiles Stilinski

Words: 2k

Summary: Chris is a hunter. An Argent. His sister burned down his entire family—Peter shouldn't care for him.

And he doesn't.

He doesn't care for the hunter with sharp, calculating eyes, the ex-husband of another hunter and a father to a hunter-in-training, never mind mind that two of them are pack-adjacent.

He cares for the young boy with the soft, clear blue eyes, mind filled with all the ways to ensure peace between hunters and the supernaturals, conscience free of guilt he shouldn't have but does.

Peter is still in love with his best friend from his childhood—the Chris that'd been nothing but another boy in his class, someone who knew the truth about who he was and had matched and mended and marched into Peter's soul, his heart.

Day 7: Pansexual | Crossover

For the prompt: Crossover

(Lost You) Found You

(Tumblr version)

(This fic has been written for two prompts. See below). 

Day 8: Trans | Magic

For the prompt: Magic

(Lost You) Found You

Fandom: Teen Wolf

Ship: Derek Hale × Stiles Stilinski

Words: 3.3k

Summary: Only Derek is here. Maybe, once, Stiles would have thought that was enough. But it's not, it's not enough. It's not enough because there's a whole in his heart, his soul, his very being where the pack used to be.

He can't do this. He can't just—just forget and move on.

His panic attack goes away as fast as it had come, leaving behind a clear idea of what he should do.

For him and  for Derek.

Day 9: Nonbinary | Worship

Day 10: Genderqueer | Food

Day 11: Genderfluid | Makeup

Day 12: Demigender | Flag

Day 13: Neopronouns | Culture

Day 14: Transitioning | Gender Euphoria

Day 15: Polyamory | Retelling

Day 16: MLM Relationship(s) | “And they were roommates!”

Day 17: WLW Relationship(s) | Tragedy

Day 18: Nonbinary Relationship(s) | History

Day 19: Trans Relationship(s) | Hurt/Comfort

Day 20: QPR | Non-Sexual Intimacy

Day 21: Disabled LGBTQ+ | Dating

Day 22: Friendship | Solidarity

Day 23: Neurodiverse LGBTQ+ | Mythology

Day 24: LGBTQ+ POC | Role Model

Day 25: LGBTQ+ Elders | Marriage

Day 26: (Found) Family | Kids

Day 27: First Pride | Ally

Day 28: Coming Out | Closet

Day 29: Discovery | Changing Labels

Day 30: Free Space | Wildcard!

#pridewrite2021 #prompts #june 2021 #pride month #whenwordsmakesense #lesbian #malira #gay #sterek #homoromantic #stiles stilinski #derek hale #teen wolf #discovering your sexuality #queer #petopher #Peter Hale #chris argent

[mcrmadness]

This is just me talking about (my) asexuality and aromanticism and mainly about how I figured I'm aroace. I'm from Finland and recently turned 30 so my experience and "lgbt+ history" might not be what you know it as, especially if you are not from Europe, or if your native language is English.

Also this is highly personal, so I doubt anyone here will have 100% same experience. But that's fine because remember: we're all individuals here and these are NEVER universal. You're still valid even if you wouldn't relate to what being aspec is to me.

It might be IS a long post so beware, but I've just been feeling like writing down some thoughts so here we go...

What I have been able to track is that I was 17, in 2008, when I first stumbled upon the term "asexuality". I don't remember exactly how, but I just remember reading about it and immediately going "yeah that's me". But what I do remember is that no one talked it being about sexual attraction. Basically how understood it was: asexuality = sex-repulsion.

I was 17, and somehow I knew I was sex-repulsed, but at the same time also thought I'm just a minor, so it's normal to be sex-repulsed. But even after turning 18, I don't recall ever feeling sexual attraction. I didn't think of myself as a "late bloomer" but just as someone who just has no interest towards sex. At some point I became really anxious of men, however. Nothing has ever happened to me* but still I, for some reason, developed terrible fear of men. I'm afab and just did not want to be seen as an object, and it made, still makes me, terrified to think someone might look at me and have Emotions. I know that we can't control our brains, I mean, I can't look at someone and force myself to feel attraction - just like those who do feel attraction, can't force themselves to stop feeling attraction. They can only control their actions. But yeah, I also had horrible (sexual) intrusive thoughts due to my generalized anxiety disorder at some point, which did not really help. They got a bit better when I came into terms with my asexuality and aromanticism, but sometimes they still come at me and it's never fun, but at least they're not as strong as what they used to be.

*(Unless if you can count that as sexual harrasment when, CW, I was 11 and a classmate was "into" me and tried to touch my face and talk "sweet things" to me but made it into a show despite me being uncomfortable and usually crying cos as a neurodivergent I didn't know how else to react.)

But anyway, back to the topic. So for years I understood asexuality as sex-repulsion, but I guess it's because I, well, am a sex-repulsed ace. So if I'm sex-repulsed, why would I then look at someone and feel something if I'm repulsed by the thing anyway? Like, it probably can't get any simpler than this :D And I know today that it's not as simple anymore. But that was 2008, at school (in ~2005) they only talked about gays a little, on one page in a sex.ed. book that otherwise was maybe 100 pages long. Only one page. About gays. And it was basically "Some boys like boys or some girls like girls and it's totally fine." and that was it, but the overall assumption was that everyone likes someone. And also there were no romantic orientations. Liking someone = both sexually and romantically. Not liking = not a thing except when you were depressed or otherwise mentally ill, or autistic or mentally disabled (which is a SUPER ableist take btw). I don't remember teachers ever talking about this, but it could also just be my adhd, maybe they did mention, but I just don't remember. At least in my notebooks there is no mention of this, everything was very much heteronormative and amatonormative, and also there was only two genders. I don't remember ever hearing about transgender people, apart from foreign documentaries and in them they were always portrayed as some shocking freaks of the nature, and loads of wrong terms were used. And this is still the mid and late 2000s we're talking about!

So this takes us to the other part aka aromanticism. Back then asexuality was not only sex-repulsion but also merged together with aromanticism, because people didn't talk about romantic orientations yet. So asexuality was not only sex-repulsion, but also you simply just not wanting a relationship. Again, nothing about attraction, just someone who did not care about sex nor relationships. A "forever single", if you will.

This was already annoying me a lot back then because I was really annoyed by sex "running the world". I was so angry because why is asexual the only sexuality that doesn't like sex? All the other sexualities had the assumption of them always wanting to have sex. Like, even think about someone who is straight, you hear that someone is straight, and you automatically assume(d) that oh they're into sex too cos why wouldn't they be. This was really driving me nuts because I was sure there are people who want to have a partner, but never want to have sex! I was still experiencing crushes, and I knew for sure it was nothing sexual, so it annoyed me that just because I'm asexual, it means I can't have crushes. That's why I actually called myself as "asexual bi" for a while, because "bisexual" indicated I would have not been sex-repulsed and I wanted to point out that I'm NOT into sexual things, at all - and remember that this was still the late 2000s or early 2010s and I had not heard of romantic orientations yet! So I was up to something, there just were no terms for that yet! Today that would be called bi-/panromantic asexual.

I haven't been able to track the exact date or even year when did I figure out I'm aromantic, or when did I hear about romantic orientations for the first time. From the messages I've been able to find, I was already in my early 20s. Aka somewhere around maybe 2011-2013. In those, I have still been wondering what I am or if I even want to have a relationship, not being really able to tell what I wanted or didn't want. Again, no one told me romantic orientations are about ATTRACTION and not about whether you have commitment issues or not (this as a half-joke, cos I have severe commitment issues with everything :D I need to feel free!).

Anyway, I do remember my key moment with aromanticism, or the "aromantic awakening" as you could call it too, was when I was 17 or 18. Or maybe I was older? I don't know, I have time blindness. Anyway, I had this one online friend I had a "crush" on (I think it was just undiagnosed adhd's person hyperfixation) and I even told her about it. Everything just is super shady, from those years, I was not really on my best and there are so many overlapping memories that feel like different alternative universes instead of memories on a same timeline. Anyway, I just remember at some point thinking about this girl and I thought about some "romantic" stuff, like kissing, and I just remember my brain going "NOOOOOPE!" I had wanted to meet with her some day so bad, but when I started thinking about actually meeting with her, I started to nope the fuck out. All I had in my head was awkward embarrassing "first kiss" scenarios from movies and I just was not having it! I basically went "lol I guess I'm aro too, then XD" but I still don't remember when did I have this realization. Was I 17? Or was I, say, 22? I guess I need to go through my old MSN Messenger and Skype convos some day to investigate this further because I really want to know. I couldn't even find anything from my Tumblr from those times (I registered here in 2011), but I don't know if that's just me not tagging or Tumblr search functioning normally (aka it never finds anything).

But yeah, I am touch-repulsed. And kiss-repulsed, and romance-repulsed, too, (unless it's my OTP we're talking about). I'm still not exactly sure if I'm touch repulsed because I'm aromantic, or if I'm aromantic because I'm touch-repulsed. I only know that because of my sensory issues (I'm neurodivergent), I have never liked touching nor being touched. Even as a little kid I hated hugs and never liked sitting on anyone's lap. I only tolerated my parents, mainly my mom, because they were my safe place as an extremely shy baby/toddler/kid, who was especially wary about men. I can't explain the latter, but there was something about adult men that caused me (as a baby) to hide my face against my mom's shoulder if they talked to me. I did that to everyone I didn't know, but especially to men I didn't know. No idea why.

I also remember how my siblings loved to sit on people's laps and were always climbing onto their laps, and I didn't like this. And once my (late) grandma was so touched when she asked me if I want to sit on her lap (I was maybe 5-7?) and I agreed just to make her happy. I still remember how it felt, and I did not like it at all, but it still made my grandma so happy that I THINK she almost cried when she told my mom I actually agreed to sit on her lap. I'm not sure how real this last part of the memory is because I was so young. But I do remember thinking I do that for a change because I knew my grandma would be happy.

So yeah, my touch-repulsion is not exactly a new thing but just something that has been a part of my personality forever. But is that the core reason for why I only feel aesthetic attraction? I never look at people and feel like I wanna touch. More of the opposite, the idea of having to touch them or them touching me makes me go "eeewww". If you have seen that video of a gibbon shaking their whole body after seeing a rat in their exhibit? That's what I feel like when I think about touching or being touched, in just any way, also platonically.

The only time I feel "sensual attraction" is when I see photos or videos of animals. The urge to pet a tiger is insane. But the feel of another human's skin or muscle (or hair or whatever) is very repulsive to me.

I still remember how disgusting it felt to e.g. sit on a cousin's lap. We sometimes used swings like this, and somehow I was aware of it not feeling nice, but still not doing anything about it cos it also was okay? Only later I have realized I really, really loathe the texture of human skin. Or the warmth and overall feeling of a human body. For example, I was at least 7 or younger when I sat on my cousin's lap while we were sitting on a swing and STILL, after over 20 years, I have that all in my body memory. I remember how the thigh bone felt under my legs and how freaking disgusting the muscles felt inbetween. Also at school, on the 1st grade, we often had to walk in a line of twos after the teacher and hold the pair's hand so no one gets lost. My then-friend had so ridiculously dry skin that the only thing I could think of was how I felt like throwing up because the skin on her palm felt so damn disgusting. I still can feel that in my hand when I think of it. That's one of my "core memories" from 1st grade - how disgusting the human skin can feel like.

I don't think I have ever felt actual romantic attraction towards anyone. It's really difficult to differentiate because as I mentioned, I get those people hyperfixations easily. I guess it's the same hormones but I never really want to do anything with them? I guess it's the emotional intimacy that "attracts" me and what gets me excited, but I'm still not exactly sure what emotional intimacy means to me. I don't exactly fall into the QPR category either, in a way I wish I had a best friend whose best friend also I would be, and that neither would have anyone else who is "better" than the other one. But the only intimacy there would be emotional intimacy, nothing else. And I need my freedom so I wouldn't move in with any human being, either.

Sometimes I've thought my "ideal partner" would be a robot because if I get annoyed, I could just turn it off and stuff into a closet and leave there, and if I felt like not having a "relationship" anymore, I could just remove the harddrive and destroy the robot, or both. That way I would be the only one with the memories, and I wouldn't have to worry about someone out there knowing things about me, things that only the closest can know, and I'm really afraid of letting anyone close in case it won't work (also with regular friendships) because I can't stop thinking about how much I wish I had that MIB memory cancelling device so that they would again know almost nothing, or at least much much less about me. There's already one friendship that ended a few years ago and I still keep thinking about how I wish I could take everything back and how I wish they delete(d) all the files and drawings and stuff I sent them. There are so many things about me I wish I never told them, now as we are no longer friends. Back then it felt like "of course this is gonna last a lifetime!" but turns out that nope, not all friendships will.

I guess it's time to stop rambling. This post is really long already. If you read it all the way here: congrats. And thanks. You probably just wasted your time but... that's on you I guess :DDD But yeah, some thoughts from a 30-years-old aroace who has been aware of their identity for at least or almost 10 years now.

#mcrmadness' deep thoughts #asexuality #aromantic #aroace #aspec

[anxious-shapeshifter]

A Question Worth Asking

There’s a question I’ve struggled with since the beginning of all of this (“this”, of course, being my gay awakening, and the subsequent fallout I’ve had with the LDS church).

Long before I found out I was gay, I’d already tucked two labels under my belt — asexual and aromantic (which could arguably now be called “demiromantic”). The implications of those labels were rather moot before factoring in being gay, as it isn’t exactly a sin to not marry or have sex in the mormon religion, though choosing not to marry or have kids is frowned upon.

Right then, it’s a problem now that I’ve found myself in a same-sex relationship. Now I’m actively sinning...or not? To quote the church’s own words, here’s how they’ve defined exactly why same-sex relationships and marriage are contrary to God’s plan;

“Sexual purity is an essential part of God’s plan for our happiness. Sexual relations are reserved for a man and woman who are married and promise complete loyalty to each other. Sexual relations between a man and woman who are not married, or between people of the same sex, violate one of our Father in Heaven’s most important laws and get in the way of our eternal progress.”

    - From Same-Sex Attraction, Gospel Topics in the LDS Library app

The important law mentioned at the end of the paragraph refers to the law of chastity, which is defined as follows;

“Chastity is sexual purity. Those who are chaste are morally clean in their thoughts, words, and actions. Chastity means not having any sexual relations before marriage. It also means complete fidelity to husband or wife during marriage.”

    - From Chastity, Gospel Topics in the LDS Library app

I’m asexual, and also don’t like the idea of sex. That’s just the way I am, and I don’t plan on changing that...I can’t change that, really. The relationship I’m in is strictly romantic, and by that definition, wouldn’t it therefore be “morally clean”? 

Unfortunately, the church seems to care little about any kind of split-attraction model (despite the fact that they mention it on their website), and so I find myself in some kind of gray area. I don’t know what they think, and at one point I cared. I can’t tell you how many times I consulted the website, desperate for answers as to whether or not my salvation was at stake.

Sex is regarded as some sacred, intimate ritual that both asserts the love between two partners and holds the power of procreation, to bring other beings into this world. This is not an incorrect statement, but religion has drawn lines in some odd places, and it leaves one with a lot of questions if you delve too deep.

For one, what changes between premarital and married sex? Sure, marriage often equates to commitment, but beyond that, you can’t claim that all sex outside of the bonds of marriage is a loveless, selfish act.

Is all sexual activity between a married couple only motivated by the need to procreate? Must all sexual activity between a married couple have procreation as a forethought in order to be considered “morally clean”?

How does the perspective change when infertile couples are brought to mind? If they are married, but unable to bear children for one reason or another, must they abstain from sex because it won’t be “fruitful”, and therefore not “morally clean”?

Both of these questions have answers, actually, as the church has very clearly stated that “it [physical intimacy] is ordained of God for the creation of children and for the expression of love within marriage.”

Ask some of my previous teachers in the church, and they can tell you all about how wonderful sex is as an act of intimate love in a marriage. I’m sure it is, for those folks who enjoy that sort of thing. I’m all for people expressing their love for each other, but that includes those of us in the “same-sex attracted” category.

If a gay couple is legally married, then how come their sexual intimacy is still considered a sin? They’ve committed to each other, just as any straight couple would. Is their love not also legitimate?

As it turns out, no, according to the church. Gay couples have an additional box to check, to quote; “Homosexual activity is a serious sin. It is contrary to the purposes of human sexuality. It distorts loving relationships and prevents people from receiving the blessings that can be found in family life and the saving ordinances of the gospel.” (Chastity, Gospel Topics)

Ouch. “Distorts loving relationships”? In what way? More importantly, suddenly sex is only about procreation. If you can’t bring children into the world, you’re fresh out of luck because that’s the only “morally clean” way to have sex, apparently.

The church’s reasoning behind these things begins to twist in on itself and fall apart, because you cannot tell me that 1) Sex is an act of intimacy and an expression of love between two married people; and 2) Sex is only for procreation, all other purposes are immoral. Unless I’m missing some implicit piece of information in here? Is sex only permitted when the couple wants to have a child, and that act itself is the expression of love mentioned? Again, this leaves out couples unable to have children due to infertility or other uncontrollable circumstances.

And then there’s that last sentence in the quoted paragraph above, the statement that gay couples are missing out on the “blessings of family life” when they choose to love who they love. A rather ludicrous statement, because adoption is a thing that exists! There’s lots of children out there without families, so why not encourage more people to adopt? (There’s the whole bit about how mormon culture seems to frown on adoption vs birthing your own kids, but that’s an essay for another day)

And I’m back to the reason I began writing this; by church standards, is my own relationship an act of sin?

I am “chaste”, by standards listed above. I have no sexual relations, but I also completely lack a sex drive to begin with. My relationship is solely romantic, and a happy one. We love each other and respect each other’s needs and boundaries, we take care of one another. Neither of us desires to have kids, and, to be frank, I don’t think either of us would be in a physical condition to make that a possibility, if it were one.

If I’m frustrating my own human sexuality, is it because of my same-sex relationship, or because of my lack of sexuality? Would I still be committing a sin by remaining alone? There are two potential answers, one being that the sin lies in the same-sex relationship, and the other that the sin is my refusal to engage in sex and have children.

It can’t be the former, then. It was explicitly stated that engaging in sex with people of the same sex is a sin. Being LGBTQ+ in and of itself has been reinforced numerous times as not sinful, because that’s an identity we can’t choose. They got that right, at least.

So refusing to have sex is my sin, then? What a conundrum that puts me in. You’d think that would make the church all the more happy — a person with no sexual desires whatsoever, therefore less likely to think “impure thoughts” or act on wrongful urges.

But no, I’m still in the wrong. I have to have children! That is my ultimate purpose in this life — bar any other interests or desires, accomplishments, enlightenment — humanity’s destiny is to continually birth the next generation, to pass the torch. It sounds so...primitive? Animalistic, almost?

If I don’t follow in the footsteps of my predecessors, if I don’t have a posterity to carry on the human race, then what am I if not subhuman? Am I even human, lacking the sexual desires that I’m supposed to have? What am I?

Let me reel myself back in again to finish this essay off. The contradictions only seem to persist in church teachings on this topic, which is disappointing in this day and age where an abundance of information is available to learn from. Will it ever be addressed, in my lifetime or in 100, 200 years time?

I’ve unraveled a few of the strings for myself in the process of writing this, but it leaves a lot, if not more, questions to be answered. Is it something I can hope to untangle in this life? I wish I could say with certainty that it’s possible. In the meantime, I’ll follow the thread that feels right to me.

#theo's essays #this is one of my longer ones. buckle up! #essay #exmo #exmormon #ex religious #lgbtq #misogyny

[monstersandmaw]

Who else might young Ghostie been crushing on? (if this isn't weird for you to answer)

Oh gosh! haha. Michelle Rodriguez in Girl Fight and Blue Crush did things to me that I absolutely didn't recognise back when I was in school. Missy Peregrym in 'Stick It' also gave me another awakening. And Eliza Dushku as Faith in Buffy. Also Willow. Although not exclusive, I may have a type, can you tell?

From a literary point of view, I always found Eowyn in LOTR (less so in the films, but I still love her character) 'attractive'. I want her 'awakening' when she falls in love with Faramir quote tattooed on me because it's how I feel about Mr. Ghosti: "And then her heart changed, or at least she understood it; and the winter passed, and the sun shone upon her..." I thought I was aromantic and asexual before him. Turns out you can swap and change labels to suit you as you change and go through life :). Who knew? :)

Despite the fact that my mum's life-long best friend is a lesbian (which I've always known) and has been with her partner for decades, I didn't really realise that lesbians (or in my case 'panromantic' folk) were a thing?????? I don't know how I missed that, but I did, so it never occurred to me that what I was feeling as a teenager was a genuine crush/attraction, rather than, like... admiration?? envy?? I don't know.

It was only when I got to about 16 or so that I realised I wasn't straight, and only at university did I really come to accept it. *shrug*

#personal post #ghosti's definitely not straight #took me a while #and the reasliation hit me in the face like a sledgehammer #but i'm super chill with who i am now #*realisation #i can't spell #and it's late #and i'm super duper tired

[bookcub]

Ace Books Rated Against Me*

*unlike previous lists, I will be comparing to how much I related to and felt connected to the ace experience of the ace characters in the books, and rather celebrating ace rep I’ve been lucky enough to read 

(inspired by @anassarhenisch​ who requested this about a year ago lol)

Quicksilver by RJ Anderson- This was the first book I read with an ace protagonist. I admired Tori’s conviction in that she was ace (and there are times where I have the same assurance in my orientation) and also how unfit she felt with her peers, like she had a mask. Her uncertainty in wanting a romantic relationship resonated with me more than other protags, as she and I exist in the same fuzzy area between romantic and aromantic. Her speech about friendship made me tear up, and I wish for a friendship as special as the one she has. 

9/10  

We Awaken by Calista Lynn- The best parts of this book were about Victoria’s asexuality. Her freak out about being ace was so on point, you have no idea. Only misstep was how short it was, but that has more to do with timing in a book than anything. Also, the fact that someone else brought up the term to her and she didn’t discover it herself was exactly how my experience went. And as much as I love that she gets a romantic love interest who is also ace (whoot whoot), they move awfully fast, which I could never do. 

8/10

Let's Talk About Love by Claire Kann- This book is a bit more dicey with me. Alice is much more adventurous than I am or will be. She also doesn’t trust herself. Many ace people have had sex to either, get it out of the way and see if they like it, or to please their partner. I liked seeing that part of the community represented but as someone who is sex repulsed, my experience is very different than a sex neutral ace. I’m also so glad she was biromantic, I still haven’t figured out romantic attraction but I’m super into aesthetic attraction of all genders. Alice also has some of my favorite quotes about being ace and her analogy about jogging is the best. 

8/10

How to Be a Normal Person by TJ Klune- I waited on this book because I knew I would love it, and I did!!! This was the romcom of aces I needed. I was as grumpy and lost as Gus, but as confident and loud as Casey. They believed each other and trusted each other and it was just beautiful. I liked that Gus never used a label and I liked how important Casey’s label was to his sense of the world and how neither were invalidated. 

9/10

Lady's Guide to Petticoats and Piracy by Mackenzi Lee- Felicity is so apathetic, it’s hysterical. She’s like, this is me, deal with it. Her aceness is tied to her aroness, which is the case for many people, but the distance of the time period and class made it hard to relate to her. I actually would have liked her ace identity to play a larger part in the book, and not be so easily dismissed by Sim.

7/10 

Every Heart a Doorway by Seannn McGuire- Nancy literally not fitting into the world and also being ace was a wonderful metaphor. While there wasn’t much content on her being ace, I enjoyed how sure of herself she was and how she interacted with other people from the queer community, although not so much as queer allies, just generally supportive. 

8/10 

Immortal Code by Lilllian Clark- I picked up this book with no idea there was an ace character, but there was Reese!!! She referred to herself as acearo, which was new to me, but hey, language constantly changes, right? Her love story of her friends is lovely and meaningful. 

7/10

Tash Hearts Tolstoy by Kathryn Ormsbee- I hope everyone gets a Tash book. Tash just fit with me. I adored her, and all her flaws lined up so well with mine. Her flawed mindset, her doubt, her emotions.. . .her experiences very much mirror my own. She deals with aphobia more, she has wants for a romantic relationship, but also completely lost on how to have one. She found the ace community online and connected to them there, as well as vocalizing how aces are part of the queer community. While she used words like “sexual” instead of “allosexual” and didn’t have other ace friends, found out in high school instead of college, her story all but felt like mine. 

10/10

I highly recommend these books and have linked my in depth reviews for most of them for more details on my thoughts on the novels. 

Vampires • Werewolves • Dragons • Aliens • Faerie • Portal Fantasies •  Dysopias • Angels/Demons  • Animal Companions  • Mermaids • Fictional Relationships  • Fictional Twins • Magic Schools

#asexual #asexuality #ace awareness week 2019 #aaw2019 #safeforace #ace stuff #my book rec #lgbtqia

[imaginebeatles]

Hello, I'm a homo-romantic ace whose been having a lot of weird conversations lately about who belongs in the LGBT umbrella. I think anyone who is ace has the space if they want it because it is a little understood sexual orientation that experiences a lot of corrective reactions. But lately people have been arguing to me that only aces with non-hetero rom orientations and/or folk who are non cisgender have access to the space. I was wondering the following things:

2/2 what’s your take on asexuality belonging to the LGBT term, the LGBT community and the LGBT complex (cuz I think it’s gotten more complex as a functioning being)? Does asexuality belong in a tertiary space like BDSM which crosses over with queer (and shares similarities) but is not fully within it? Thanks for sharing about your thesis, every time it pops up on my dash I feel very excited. It’s been awhile since I engaged in queer theory and I am loving your work! No pressure to answer tho!

Okay, so…. this is a very contentious topic, but I have a lot of thoughts on this, especially since I’ve started doing research for my thesis. I’ve read some articles on asexuality and the queer community so… here we go. I’ve put it under the cut, so people can easily scroll past it if they’re not interested. 

(I would also like to first say that I will be use the word “queer” here. I know some people are uncomfortable with that because its past use as a slur, however, because it is an actual academic term that is used by everyone writing about these issues, and especially within queer theory, I will be using that word too. I use the word to talk about all non-normative identities/practices related to gender and sexuality, which includes the LGBTQ+ community, but is more extensive than that, including any letters not part of that acronym. Queer is also a (political and academic) practice, not just an identity. This already possibly shows where my answer to your question is going…) 

Firstly, I want to say that I understand why some people within the LGBTQ+ community might be uncomfortable about letting asexual people into that community. There is a difficult relationship between asexuality and queer identities. Some people in the field of asexuality studies have begun to write on this (I’ll list them down one or two down below). Within queer politics, historically but also now, there is a heavy focus on sex. Because queer people have struggled against oppression based on their sexual habits, not having sex is generally viewed as conservative or as a form of assimilation. For wlw this is further true because for a long time healthy sexual behaviour (aka having sex at all) was seen as impossible between two women, because both women would be sexually passive. Not having sex is not radical. This is why hetero-romantic aces are often dismissed as being “straight anyway”. Non-normative sexual practices (like cruising) are an important part of the queer community (academic work within queer studies in especially the 1990s and 2000s shows this too, wherein theoretical and political potential is mined from non-normative sex acts, including bare-backing because of its relation to the HIV crisis in the 80s).

It therefore makes sense that queer people (especially gay men and women, but also others) are uncomfortable with asexuality’s focus on not having sex, and as such asexuality is often seen as being “sex negative” instead of “sex positive” and thus bad. At least, politically. 

I, however, and other academics, do think asexuality is queer, if you define queer as being non-normative in relation to hetero-normativity). Asexuality is seen as non-normative in our current hyper-sexual society and sex is seen as a vital part of heterosexuality too (you have to reproduce and women are meant to be sexually available to men at all times). Asexual people are discriminated against because they refuse sex, which society sees as natural. While the struggles of asexual people are different from those of gay people, bi and trans people (and other identities) also have their own struggles against which they fight. This does not diminish their struggles. 

Acephobia is based on ableist ideas: if you don’t want sex, there must be something wrong with you either mentally or physically, because sex is naturally and everyone should want it and have it (often). Asexuality is often dismissed and not seen as “real”. There must be something that inhibits you from having sex, whether that is physiological, hormonal, or having to do with trauma, or maybe just because you are not “hot enough to get a boyfriend”, which reminds me of how for a long time lesbians were seen as being men-hating ugly women (and feminists). This view leads to asexuality being pathologized (as homosexuality used to be). There have been numerous ways in which low sexual desire or a lack of sexual fantasies has been sees as a disorder in the psychoanalytic tradition. Attempts to “fix” asexual people are made through things like therapy or hormone treatment (or stuff like viagra or other such things), but also through corrective rape, either in a medical contexts under the idea that sexuality needs to be “awakened” within the patient, or in the private sphere at the end of a partner or friend. Research has also shown that people see asexual people as less human, more machine-like. They admit feeling uncomfortable with asexual people, and that they may discriminate against them, such as refusing them rent. 

Asexual people have their own political issues to work through, just as any other identity within the LGBTQ+ community. However, each of these issues and more are related to the fight against hetero-normativity. Another example is that asexual people, especially those who are also aromantic, can help critique the way society privileges heterosexual romantic couplehood, especially married heterosexual couples. Asexual and aromantic people often privilege non-romantic and non-sexual relationship, such as friendships or family, allowing us to re-evaluate these other relationships and open up new forms of queer relating, which will also be appealing to other queer people, who often form their own social group or families and whose relationship and friendships are often in some way “queer”. 

On top of that, it is important to realise that there is a lot of overlap between asexual people and other queer identities. However, queer asexual people constantly remark on how they do not feel safe or represented by the queer or LGBTQ+ community, even those who “welcome” queer aces, but not hetero-romantic aces. The queer and LGBTQ+ community are heavily sexualized spaced, which makes aces feel unwelcome, but also leaves many non-asexual queer people to complain about the lack of safe spaces for queer people that aren’t about clubbing, such as the lack of queer cafes or library. The queer community (and LGBTQ+ community) is itself deeply entrenched in compulsory sexuality, just like hetero-normative society, making aces feel like they don’t belong to either community. 

If an asexual person if gay, or bi, or non-binary, or trans, or queer, or whatever, it is the LGBTQ+ and queer communities that should provide them a safe space and fight for them. Their asexuality informs their experience as homo-romantic or trans or anything else, and cannot be separated from that part of their identity. These are not separate issues. If we want to protect trans kids or gay kids or any other member of the queer/LGBTQ+ community, these communities need to be inclusive of asexuality and provide spaces where these kids are safe and can talk freely about their experiences and the challenges they face. These will undoubtedly also be informed by their asexual identity. 

We are stronger politically when we fight together. We fight the same cause. Asexual people do not ask other LGBTQ+ or queer people to not be sexual. They only ask that they are included and that their own issues are being taken seriously. 

On top of that, asexuality intersects with a lot of other queer issues. For trans folks, for example, the focus on sex in society and romantic relationships may leave them uncomfortable because of their body dysphoria and may thus run into similar issues as sex-repulsed aces. Stone butch women may find common ground with asexuality too, because of the focus on penetrative sex in society. The hypersexualisation of gay men may find that they experience similar issues as asexual people who feel they are being (hyper)sexualised despite not being sexual. There is a lot of overlap, and these issues need to be addressed. We can help each other and offer new perspectives that will help us fight for the same rights. 

On top of that, on a more abstract level, can also be valuable for queer politics in the way that it undermines our current understanding of sexual identity. The way we now think about sexuality was constructed by straight people with the aim of pathologizing and thus actively discriminate against and eliminate perverted sexuality. This started with homosexuality with Freud, and quickly began to expand. If you want to know more about this, Foucault’s History of Sexuality is a good place to start. This allowed for sexual object choice to be used to group specific people together and make them into a specific type or “species”, as Foucault calls it. Our conception of sexuality, then, was constructed to uphold heterosexuality as the norm, making heterosexuality (that is the opposite sex as the sexual object choice) out to be the natural and normal and healthy form of sexuality. 

Asexuality undermines this construction. Asexuality not only shows that there are different forms of attraction, which do not need to be connected to each other in a one-on-one relation, but also shows that sexual attraction is not the only or even the most important basis for attraction. Asexuality is not explainable in our current system and forces people to consider their sexual preferences. What do I like in sex? What kind of sex? What kind of sensuality? And with whom? If I like having sex with men, but only being sensual with women, what does that mean? Asexuality asks us what we prefer, putting the focus on preference  rather than something biological or innate that makes us feel desire towards one gender and not the other. 

This is not to say that asexuality makes sexual identity into an arbitrary choice. Rather, it shows that you cannot divide people into identity categories based on sexual object choice shows that attempting to do so is just as silly as doing so based on if you like tea or coffee. Or ketchup or mustard. On top of that, it allows for sexuality to be seen as fluid, not that it changes, but that it is not fixed. Maybe you like ketchup for a long time, and then no anymore. Or maybe you are briefly in the mood only for this specific type of mustard but not the others. Focusing on preference allows us to undermine the whole construct on which hetero-normativity is predicated. Making identities such as heterosexual or homosexual or bisexual or pansexual almost meaningless or nonsensical. If we want to do away with hetero-normativity completely, this is a crucial step to take. It allows us to focus on sexuality as a social construct, rather than something that must be biologically explained. 

TL;DR: I understand why some LGBTQ+ people are uncomfortable with the idea of bringing asexual into the community. However, I think ultimately we are fightening the same cause despite our own specific issues that we face. We have a similar stake in queer politics and queer academia. Asexuality can offer the queer or LGBTQ+ community a lot, and being inclusive to asexuality is crucial if we want to protect queer kids. As such there is a lot that both communities can offer each other. 

This goes for both queer aces and hetero-romantic aces. Hetero-romantic aces also benefit and often have a stake in dismantling hetero-normativity because they are asexual. Hetero-romantic aces also face discrimination under hetero-normativity. Because of this, asexuality at large ought to be included. Excluding hetero-romantic aces from the queer community or LGBTQ+ community shows a misunderstanding of asexuality and its political issues and seems not so much inclusive of asexual issues, but rather inclusive of those issues that relate ONLY to the other part of their identity. For queer aces, however, these two are not separate issues. If you want to be inclusive to queer aces, you have to be inclusive towards asexuality in general. 

Asexuality, then, should be fully within the queer community, not be treated as a separate but overlapping thing like BDSM. Asexuality, when taken seriously, will affect all spaces of the queer community for the better, while still allowing for sex-positive politics. 

Reading suggestions: 

Michel Foucault, History of Sexuality.

Megan Milks, “Stunted Growth: Asexual Politics and the Rhetoric of Sexual Liberation.” In Asexualities: Feminist and Queer Perspectives, edited by Karli June Cerankowski and Megan Milks. 

Erica Chu, “Radical Identity Politics: Asexuality and Contemporary Articulations of Identity.” In Asexualities: Feminist and Queer Perspectives, edited by Karli June Cerankowski and Megan Milks. 

[lovebunnie]

the force awakens came out at a time where i needed aromantic representation. i was a high school freshman who was suicidal and questioning everything, i saw rey in tfa on christmas and i saw her become stronger and realize her power without any romance in her story and I needed that. in a time where i felt so lonely and so unlovable i thought i was aromantic because i was so convinced that no one could love me and i couldnt love anyone because of my flaws. i needed her to show me that life does not revolve around romantic love and love between friends has the ability to complete you, you can survive without a romantic partner. i needed to see that.

#space.txt #star wars #aromantic rey is so important to me #thats why reylos bother me: they take her growth without romance and turn it into charactet development for kylo ren

[allos-aro]

ASAW 2019 Prompt 1

"How did you learn you were aromantic or arospec? How long did it take to find the label and to accept it? Did it click immediately, or was it a journey of denial and/or mislabeling? How has learning you were aromantic or arospec changed you? Your perception of yourself? How you act around others? Your personal relationships?"

I guess for context, it's important to state the following: I'm autistic, and I was raised Mormon in Utah.

Mormonism has a major focus on the conceptualization of the nuclear family, and on heterosexual marriages (monogamy currently, but polygamy is still a part of the spiritual assumptions) that produce children. And growing up, I was surrounded with the constant idea that, as an afab individual, I would find a worthy priesthood holder to marry in the temple and have kids with.

The autism is somewhat a huge part of this equation, because my interests led me to science. This created a conflict for me, as well as for my relatives, because I personally wanted to be a scientist, first and foremost. And the Mormon culture doesn't tend to place afab folks in places besides at home, or as medical professionals who take care of sick people. And when my family realized that, into my teens, I wasn't talking any more specifically about boys and crushes unless prompted to, that I might be doomed to loneliness.

I performed amatonormativity extremely well (thanks, dissociation), but I didn't perform it well enough for the Mormon background I grew up in. I was never appealing enough to most of the Mormon guys in my school, and I frequently would have week-long crushes on any given person (regardless of gender) that didn't feel totally natural if pushed to romantic extremes or kept at platonic length. My long-standing crushes only kicked in if I was informed that someone was attractive, or was particularly friendly. But at this point in my life, I mostly would have considered myself romo-neutral. I wouldn't be totally averse to pursuing a romantically-coded dynamic with someone if my momentary interest in them coincided with their romantic interest in me.

However, my parents had a very intensely codependent relationship, and my father in particular was very dependent, highly romanticromantic, and emotionally abusive. He sexually harassed me multiple times as a teenager in ways that also tied my lack of romantic drive into it as well, commenting on my body and how I dressed as either working/failing to attract him if he were my age. He waxed poetic about the "thousands" of girls he had dated in high school. And, ultimately, my two romantic relationships I had in high school were attempts to escape that, to normalize attraction to me as non-predatory. Unfortunately, both of those relationships were unhealthy: the first one was truly out of distraction and I felt nothing more than friendship for the guy, and the second one was a codependent mess that ended very badly even though I enjoyed having him as a friend.

This pattern continued into college as I realized my gender identity and began losing my connection to the faith I grew up in: find a cute guy, become dependent on him, get rejected by him, suffer. Because I didn't have a model for a healthy romantic relationship in my life, as well as the fact that I was performing what was expected of me.

I finally realized I was aro after helping a friend work through their romantic feelings and whether they were aro or not. I had apparently been their a romantic awakening, because I had basically explained that there were ways to still be a good partner without being romantically attracted to them. Because even with my unhealthy examples in the past, I had always been good at picking out bullshit behavior in relationships from middle school onwards, and was frequently very blunt with my friends when they were dealing with people being creepy towards them. I had always been some form of critical of romance in society, and it made sense once I realized that the weird codependencies so had developed were not actually romantic attraction, but were side effects of being raised in an amatonormative society as well as being abused.

That was a good four years ago, and I've been fairly open about being aro. I've spent a lot of time reflecting on my aromanticism and its various presentations (from neutrality to repulsion with antagonism). And honestly? I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm much more understanding of my own emotional behaviors, and become much more aware of the ways in which society makes it hard to exist as a non-romo person. I prioritize communication in my dynamics (with a lot of trial and error), and I think it makes me a healthier, and better, person for it.

#asaw 2019 #aromanticism #about me #mormonism #long post #sorry i wrote this in mobile so i have no way thst i know to break the post into a read more