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of-foolish-and-wise · 3 years

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a uni survival guide: tips from a phd

if there's one thing i know about, it's college. i've done it, i've taught it, i've lived and breathed it. these tips are for first years in particular, but honestly for everybody. i think it's so important for people to have balanced lives in these years -- academics are not everything. you know what didn't help me in the real world when i was afraid i wouldn't live through it? my fancy college note-taking format. you know what did help me? the friends i made there who i knew would get on a plane and fly across the country in a matter of hours if i told them i needed them.

academic

- figure out where class is held ahead of time: don't be that kid who's late on day one, i beg of you

- use the writing center: especially for basic grammatical editing, which a lot of professors don't have time to mark on papers

- speak up in class: talking through ideas helps you work through them, and asking questions about something you don't understand can open up great lines of conversation

- find a regular schedule that works for you and stick to it: my college schedule was morning free time, class, lunch, class, practice, homework. that consistency was a life-saver

- keep a planner: it's so important to have a central place to track deadlines, assignments, and engagements

- annotate your reading: when you're stressing about a paper topic, being able to go back to what you've highlighted and written in the margins is a life-saver

- color-code your coursework: i use the same color highlighter, pen, and notebook for any given class. it's super helpful

- if you can't focus while studying with friends, don't: i reserved group studying for days when i didn't have important work because i can't be in a room with other people without talking to them. if your school has one, the quiet floor of the library is your best friend

- treat yourself to a "fun" class: art was always my place to just sit back and chill, a way to end the night all zen in the darkroom instead of conjugating russian verbs in a fluorescent-lit cinderblock prison. for you, it could be gym, it could be pottery, it could be some random course about, like, the history of cooking or something -- explore!

- profs are people too: don't be too nervous around them. also, know that if you're struggling -- even b/c of something in your personal life -- you can admit it, and they'll almost always understand why you missed a deadline or bombed a test

- go to office hours: it's the only way to get to know professors in big courses, and it's so helpful for both your grades and learning how to navigate relationships with authority figures

social

- don't let academia keep you from your friends: it's a case-by-case basis, but sometimes it's okay to let the reading slide and spend time with friends. i graduated seven years ago and my college group text still talks every day. that's so much more important to me than the fact that i never finished brideshead revisited

- joining a club is one of the best ways to make friends: i played ultimate frisbee through college and it was the source of so many lasting relationships, as well as the way i met all my local friends when i was abroad

- say yes to things you don't know if you'll like: you'll surprise yourself. me? turns out i love drinking games. and theme parties. and skinny dipping. and rock climbing

- don't be that person who looks down on their peers for partying: honestly? that person kind of sucks. you don't have to party if you don't want to, but actually, a lot of those people are super nice and also good at school -- don't just write them off!

- show up for your friends: go to their games, their concerts, their art shows, their standup nights. show them that what matters to them matters to you, too

- set aside a night to do a group activity with others: whether your vibe is wednesday night trivia, a weekly "terrible movie" showing, or a get-high-and-watch-nature-documentaries-type thing, these are great ways to liven up the week and de-stress

- this is a great time to figure out who from high school really matters to you: you don't have to force relationships that were built mostly on convenience if there are friends at uni with whom you click more. people you became friends with purely based on the coincidence of where your parents lived do not have to be your forever friends. they can be! but they don't have to be

personal

- don't expect too much of yourself: a 4.0 is not the end-all, be-all. if your family or somebody tells you it is, tell them to call me, and i will personally talk some sense into them

- take advantage of university support services: mental health counseling, free yoga classes, multi-cultural societies, etc

- drink water: please, please don't get kidney stones in the middle of the semester, says the girl who got kidney stones in the middle of the semester

- let yourself take breaks: if you need to lie to a professor and say you're sick when really you're just feeling down and you need to sit in bed and watch a movie, that's totally valid

- don't freak about individual assignments: my students come to me freaking over a B+ and i tell them, honey, no job interviewer is ever going to ask you about your second paper from communications 101. i wish i'd known that

- go see speakers if there's someone interesting coming to campus: these talks are always cooler than you expect. i'll never get over the fact that i didn't go see anita hill when she came to my undergrad

- do your laundry on the same night every week: i can't explain why this is so helpful but it really is

- keep up on the news and the memes: read the school paper, the school blog, the memes page -- college politics and inside jokes are fun and convoluted and fascinating

- set the groundwork for long-term self-care: all of the above is really just to say -- university isn't just for learning about the french revolution, it's also about learning how to balance, how to handle failure, how to ask for help, how to make a salad that doesn't totally suck, etc

#uni #university #university tips #fresher #freshers #freshman year #freshmen #first year #first year tips #uni tips #college tips #college #studyblr #studying #academia #of foolish and wise #fresher tips #college masterpost #study masterpost

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yonymii · 3 years

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2 arabesques

a/n; this one was hard to write bc I did it while having writers block but I hope it's ok!! I love alisa a lot she is lovely and I would marry her if she was real 🥰🥰😍😁😁 also I got very absorbed like, halfway through so y/ns personality is basically me. yes

wc; 3.9k

warnings; cursing,

genre; fluff, strangers/friends to lovers, romance

pairing; alisa haiba x gn!reader

listen to 2 arabesques here!

She reminded you of the old paintings of angels you’d seen in art galleries as a child. It was weird, seeing something so ethereal reincarnate as a university student. She didn’t belong here; she belonged on a pedestal, deserved to be adored. But life was unfair, you supposed, and not everyone could experience the excitement of such an elaborate life. Perhaps that was why she was studying fashion modeling in the first place (whatever that was). You’d probably never know. She had absolutely no idea who you were.

By the time you’d stopped daydreaming, your final class of the day was over and everyone had left. Only you were left in the lecture hall, sitting at the very back with your head resting ontop of your arms, the shuffling of the professor packing up his things quickly making tiny little noises at the front of the room. He left, the door swinging shut behind him, but it wasn’t locked.

It didn’t take you long to pack up, seeing as your laptop hadn’t left your bag in the first place. You swung it over your shoulder after your coat, tucking your hands into the sleeves to protect them from the bite of the wind. It had been snowing when you arrived in the morning, and it took and hour to wake up your fingers to be able to type, let alone write anything.

The hallways were quiet (as usual; it wasn’t as if anyone wanted to stay in school when they didn’t need to). The little shop on the ground floor had a few students in it, but they were in a hurry to leave too. The large exit doors had obviously been open all day and it was absolutely freezing. You were glad you’d put on your big coat in the morning; it was a long walk back to your apartment and you planned on going to a coffee shop before going there.

It had stopped snowing, but the ground was covered in puddles and your boots and feet got soaked in numbingly cold water as you wandered towards the place you usually studied. It was slowly getting darker as you walked and the sun was lowering itself below the tall line of skyscrapers and apartment blocks when you entered the coffee shop and joined the small queue of teenagers and tired-looking adults ordering their drinks.

It was quiet inside but you were thankful for the warmth the heaters provided, and the low hum of voices under the music wasn’t unwelcome; you payed for your drink quickly and went to sit at your usual spot, the two-seater table in the corner. There was a small, dim light hanging above your head and it lit the space in a soft, golden glow, unlike the rest of the coffee shop that was lit by streetlamps outside. The moon was hid behind a building, only half of it visible, but you still found yourself staring at it for an unnecessary amount of time. It reminded you of her; your friend’s friend. The girl studying fashion modeling.

To be quite honest, you didn’t see her that often, so it was a mystery as to why she plagued your mind so often. Apparently, her brother played volleyball for a highschool called Nekoma (albeit not very well), and she was half Russian. Not that it mattered to you, though. You supposed that you’d like her anyway.

Suddenly, you found yourself snapped out of your little trance by the waiter bringing your mug to the table and setting it down a little too loudly. He walked away quickly, avoiding any sort of contact with you, but you weren’t bothered by it. You were focused on your book so the lack of conversation wasn’t disappointing in the slightest. The bell at the door rung again, and because of the small distraction of your drink arriving you raised your head to see who it was, somewhat begrudgingly, despite it being completely of your own accord.

Your eyes were met with a pair of stark green ones that seemed to go right through you; you shivered, not because they were unfriendly. Admittedly, you knew who she was, but your frank lack of energy made it hard to want to communicate with anyone, and so you pretended not to see her, looking back down at your book and swiftly burying yourself in the pages, as if you were trying to hide from her.

You knew your efforts were futile though. She was almost too nice, and it wasn’t like she knew you were already half-asleep and probably weren’t able to form a coherent sentence. At this point, you weren’t even reading. The words were going right over your head.

You heard her footsteps before her voice, and you didn’t even need to look up to know she was smiling. “Y/n!”. Too loud. You tried not to wince to noticeably.

“Hey, Alisa,” you managed to spit a greeting out. You weren’t sure what you thought about her at this point. You were tired, and it was late, and you had so many essays due that you doubted you’d get more than an hour of sleep over the next few days. Yeah, sure, you loved her but you were so overwhelmed you didn’t think you’d be able to handle talking to one more person. Emotions were confusing (especially when you considered yourself to be in love, whatever that felt like).

“How have you been?”, her voice was like silk, and you had to wait a moment to process what she was saying. Alisa continued, “I haven’t seen you since last month! How have you been?” she looked down at your book, then at your bag that barely held all the paper assigments from your classes. She laughed (the same laugh that gave you heart palpitations. This was the reason she wasn’t good for you) “You look busy.”

You laughed (it was sort of forced, but that isn’t the point), “Yeah. School tends to keep you busy,” you paused, adding shakily, “I’m used to it, though. Don’t worry about me!”

The blonde girl frowned as she watched you panic, your eyes darting everywhere but her. It was hard not to worry when you watch someone you consider a friend fall apart in the back corner of a coffee shop. She tried her best to ignore it though, and as soon as you managed to look back at her she continued the conversation.

“I don’t think we have each other’s numbers yet, y/n. Do you mind exchanging? Maybe we could go out together sometime, since i have to get home and look after Lev,” she sighed, and her eyes closed momentarily, “He’s a bit of a handful. For a fifteen-year-old.”

You didn’t have the energy to feel sorry for her but you let her enter her number into your phone, and she listened attentively when you told her yours to make sure she didn’t get it wrong and end up texting a random stranger to make plans. After you watched her leave, take-out cup of coffee in hand, you lay your head on the darkening pages of your book, ear pressed to the paper. You closed your eyes for a moment and then sat up, breathing deeply as you drank the rest of your tea. You closed your book, tucking it into the bottom of your bag and standing up, patting your coat pocket to check that your phone was still in there.

It was pitch-black when you stepped outside, and the streetlamps made you squint and cover your eyes with one hand; your apartment wasn’t too far away but it was cold and taxis were easy. You flagged one down and climbed into the back, sitting directly behind the driver (it made you feel safer anyway), and you put in your headphones.

The drive passed quickly, and as soon as you paid for the journey and exited the car you began to walk briskly up the stairs to your place. Your keys were in the same pocket as your phone, and you pulled them out wearily, pushing the silver one into the lock and turning it till you heard the familiar click.

The door felt extra heavy tonight, and your bag dropped to the floor just as quickly as you dropped onto your bed. The lights were too bright to turn on but the fairy lights lining the walls were fine; you opted for them as you dropped your thick coat next to your bag and shoes. Closing the window from the freezing cold and switching on the little heater, you crawled into bed and let the warmth envelop you. You fell asleep in mere seconds, ignoring the loud vibrations from your phone carry across the room.

Most of the time, when you don’t want to reply to someone’s message or call them back, you just pretend to have not read it or noticed in the first place. It was weird, leaving the notification there, just to remind yourself that she texted you first. When you’d exchanged numbers the previous week, you just assumed that you’d be the first one to reach out. That’s how it had been with every other friend you’d made. You weren’t disappointed; in fact, you were grateful. You hated having to initiate conversations, however you still felt bad for not replying.

It had been five days since Alisa first messaged you, three since the second time, and fifteen minutes since the last. The latest one read ‘I’m coming over. Be about 20 minutes!’.

You sighed, reading it once more and then turning your brightness down. Just because you hadn’t replied to any of her texts didn’t mean you weren’t ok. The music barely reached your ears since you were buried so deep under your covers, but that was fine. You weren’t really listening to it anyways.

There was a knock at the door. You didn’t think that the person on the other side realised how thin it was, but you definitely heard them sigh and let out a string of curses after you didn’t reply. It was Alisa, but you knew that. Nobody else would want to check in on you. The doorknob rattled and you winced; too loud. It opened, a little quieter this time, and slowly, the covers were peeled off of your figure. Alisa sighed (again. How sick of you could she possibly be? You only got back in touch less that six days ago) and looked down at you with disdain.

“You need to get up. Have you missed any classes?” you shook you head in response to her questions. You couldn’t miss classes. It’s not as if you found them particularly difficult. Just a little boring, that’s all.

You closed your eyes, tapping your fingers against the mattress. The blinds had been opened and now the evening light was pouring into your room unfiltered. Alisa grabbed your wrist gently, pulling you up painfully slowly. You groaned, rubbing your eyes and patting her hand to let her know you can sit up on your own.

You opened your eyes somewhat begrudgingly, squinting from the still too-bright light. Alisa was stood at your small fridge, rifling through whatever food was left in there. She pulled out a half-full bottle of milk and a packet of ham. “Do you not uhh,” she paused, “have any… other kinds of food? Or is your diet limited to milk and ham sandwiches?”

“I usually get takeout. Or ham sandwiches. Sort of depends how lazy i’m feeling on that day.” She turned and smiled at you, nodded her head back towards the door. “We can go to mine. I have ‘good’ food there. Lev needs feeding anyways.”. You grinned, “I thought Lev was fifteen?”

“Yeah, but he’s still incompetent. I’ll teach him to cook later, when i’m not taking care of you.”

You looked down at your lap, and then at the pair of shoes on the floor next to your bed. Sliding them on, you stood, looking at Alisa for approval. “You look fine. When was the last time you changed?”

You hesitated, thinking for a moment, “A few hours ago, when i got back from class.” You grabbed the brush on the bedside table and combed through your hair a few times, evening it out from the mess it was a minute ago. “C’mon,” Alisa opened the door, “Don’t forget your keys! I doubt you wanna get locked out, right?”

Alisa’s house was big. She was lucky not to have to live in student accommodation, in all honesty. When you sat down on her large sofa, you heard the voices of two adults nearing. You weren’t sure what to think at this point. You and Alisa barely knew each other, and she’d come to your apartment, dragged you out of bed, invited you into her home where her whole family was.

“Alisa, darling? Have you brought a friend over?”

You saw her nod out of the corner of your eye as she made your meal, humming quietly to the tune of the music. There were loud, fast footsteps in the corridor that her parents had exited and looking up, you saw a lanky grey-haired boy with the same stark green eyes as her. He was almost as tall as the ceiling, and when he entered the room he had to duck to get through the threshold. You assumed this was Lev, Alisa’s high school age brother. Volleyball boy. Whatever. He was unimportant, and you were hungry.

“Ah! Lyovochka! Are your teammates here? Do they want food?” she didn’t look up from the kitchen counter as she spoke but Lev nodded, running back to ask his friends if they wanted food. (He never came back to give any sort of answer, though)

“So!” the sudden appearance of Alisa’s mother was unexpected. She was just as pretty as her daughter, but very obviously older. “What’s your name?”

You stuttered, panicking slightly, avoiding any possible eye contact. You looked to Alisa for help, and caught her gaze as she hurried over, sitting next to you. “This is y/n, mom. We met a while ago but i invited her over for lunch today,” she looked at you and patted your thigh, trying to calm you down slightly, “We might go out to the city later, if that’s okay with them.”

Alisa’s mother raised her eyebrows at your unwillingness to speak; maybe she thought you were being rude, but you didn’t have the capacity to worry about that right now. “Nice to meet you, y/n.” You nodded, slightly dizzy from being so overwhelmed but trying to be as polite as possible nonetheless. Alisa’s dad was stood behind the sofa, a large cup of what you assumed to be tea inbetween his hands.

Alisa stood and ushered her parents away, towards the door. “Were you going out?” they nodded, grabbing bags and phones on the way out, “We’ll see you later, then!” Her father tried protesting, but Alisa reassured them that Lev was completely fine while you and her were here.

Once the door was closed, Alisa looked back at you apologetically. “Sorry about them! They can be a little overbearing sometimes.” she gave you a small smile and pulled out two plates. “I think that’s an understatement.” you replied quietly.

She laughed loudly, earning a smile from you. “I’m glad you’re okay now though.” she looked at you, smile instantly gone from her face. “You are okay, right?” You nodded, and she relaxed, serving your food onto the plates and bringing them round to the coffee table you were sat facing. “It might be a little hot. Wait a bit before you try it.”

You picked up your plate and put it onto your lap, the warmth of it heating your legs, as if the heat of the room wasn’t already enough. Your face felt warm and your hands shook slightly as you reached to pick up the food; you were either hungry or nervous. It was probably best to not think about it too much.

Alisa was staring at the TV that was sat on a polished wooden desk by the wall, her eyes mirroring the images from the screen. From the looks of it, she was watching a documentary on animals in the arctic, probably one you’d seen before. You weren’t looking at it, but the narrator’s voice sounded familiar and when you were little you’d watch stuff like that constantly, sometimes the same one over and over again until you got bored of it then moved on to the next one (which you’d also - metaphorically - beat half to death and then abandon)

After your meal, the two of you were still, to your displeasure, sat it silence. Alisa had turned the show off and was now sat reading a book and you were fiddling with your hands, waiting for her to notice you and let you go home (really, you could leave any moment, but you didn’t want to say anything first).

You stood up upon hearing Lev shouting from what you assumed was his room, and Alisa’s head immediately snapped up. She checked the time on the clock above the kitchen counter, and gasped, looking at you apologetically.

“Gosh! Y/n, you should have told me it was so late! I’ll walk you home.”

You shook your head, and the blonde girl in front of you sighed. “Are you sure? It’s getting dark. At least let me call you a taxi, ok?”. You hummed out a noise of approval and she picked up her phone that had been resting precariously on the arm of the sofa.

As she was speaking to the person on the other end of the line, (a series of yeses followed by her address and then your street. You smiled, tapping your chest and then sliding your arms into the sleeves of your jacket. She opened the door for you and the taxi pulled into her drive as you stepped out of the threshold; you waved at her, thanking her for your stay, and then wandered over to the taxi, sitting in your usual seat (behind the driver) and she only closed the door of her home when the car drove off. Your phone buzzed; ‘text me when you get home safe, ok! -Alisa <3’.

The next month was January.

The holiday season had passed without you seeing Alisa once, except for in a corner shop once, where you pretended not to see her but ended up being approached anyways. That time there was a pink coating her porcelain skin (you weren’t sure whether it was makeup, the cold or an actual blush, but you opted for the last one to satisfy yourself somewhat).

You sort of wished that you’d been able to spend the holidays with her, though. Sometimes, you found yourself thinking about her unconsciously. It was weird, but you ignored it. Stuff like that seemed like a lot of effort to you, and you were not notorious for being invested in relationships, platonic or romantic.

You only had one class today, and after that you saw her in the hallways. She’d obviously had a class in the same building of you, and as usual, you pretended not to have seen her. You just kept walking, coffee in hand, eyes on the floor. Again, like the first time you’d really talked, you heard her footsteps approaching and accepted your fate.

“Y/n! Hey!” she kept walking after you; you buried your face into your scarf and tried to get yourself to stop but it felt like your feet were moving on their own. Why were you ignoring her? You liked her, for god’s sake! You barely knew her, you should be using moments like these to get to know her better! What the hell were you doing?

Her hand landed on your shoulder and pulled you back. By now, the pair of you were outside, and your feet were crunching over newly layed snow. It was coming down thickly, you had to squint to see her properly. She looked tired, and her face was pale in comparison to the pink of the tip of her nose and her ears. It was cold, after all, and she didn’t have a scarf of hat or anything. You wanted to lend her yours; that was what people who were close did, wasn’t it? Why did she look so bedraggled anyway?

“Y/n, seriously, stop.”

You frowned, confused. You looked sad? And why would she care anyways? You weren’t close, and you could see her friends looking on from the steps of the building. The snow was catching in her hair and it felt like time had stopped; she really did look unreal. “I didn’t know you cared about me so much, Alisa. We’re not close, and we barely ever talk.”

It looked like she was about to cry. Maybe it was the cold?

“I don’t need a reason to care about you, y/n!” she reached a hand up to rub her eyes, “I can’t seem to stop thinking about you, and it’s driving me crazy!” she pointed to her friends on the steps, “They know it!” she was shouting now, and the wind seemed to whistle even louder in your ears, “Everyone else seems to know i’m in love with you except you! And i’m sorry if i didn’t make it obvious enough for you.”

At this point your brain was going overdrive to process what she’d just told you. You knew you probably looked stupid just standing there and staring at he but what else could you do? This wasn’t exactly how you’d pictured your evening going, and despite receiving confessions before this one felt different; you felt like your heart was on fire. It burned, and you were out of breath despite standing completely still. Alisa reached out and took your freezing cold hand into her own. She was surprisingly warm, and there were tears dripping off of her chin onto her coat. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that, you probably never felt the same way. Like you said, right? We barely even know each other.”

You stepped forward (again, it felt like you weren’t in control of your own feet) and with the hand Alisa wasn’t holding, cupped her cold cheek. She looked back at you and you could see her friends out of the corner of your eyes chewing the inside of their cheeks. It was embarrassing to say the least, but necessary. Alisa sniffed, and you looked back down at the ground, shaking your head. “No that’s not what i..” you tried to make your voice louder, “I just didn’t expect you to also feel like that.”

She laughed (it was probably the most beautiful noise you’d ever had the pleasure of hearing) and leaned in so that your foreheads were touching, her pretty smile still adorning her lips. “I’m glad,” she whispered, and the burning of your cheeks felt like a blazing fire across your face.

“Call me later, ok?” you nodded as she moved her face away, hand leaving yours reluctantly. “We can go out sometime. If it’s uhh.. okay with you, of course.” You giggled, and Alisa waved, her friends running after her (also giggling and patting Alisa’s head in what looked like celebration). It had stopped snowing, and the sun was shining through the clouds in a golden evening glow, lighting up the city marvellously. You decided to walk home today.

tags; @chqrryvelvet @wissbby

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ofstarsandvibranium · 5 years

Text

Two for One

Fandom: Marvel (Professor AU/College AU)

Pairing: Stucky x F!Reader

Summary: Ever since you became the TA for Professor Romanoff, you’ve been seeing a lot of Professors Rogers and Barnes. They seem to be attracted to you, but you have a hard time deciding between the two. What do you do?

Warning: smut - bjs, threesome, semi-public…just a whole lot of naughty mk?

A/N: based off of this post and my tags in it. also, word count is about 4.1k. so yall better appreciate this and the struggle i went through to write this (i’m looking at you @chloerinebarnes )

Steve was sure that if Bucky bit his lip any further, he’d draw blood. He nudged his boyfriend with his elbow, gaining his attention back, “Cool it with the staring and lip biting. You’ll scare her off.”

Bucky groaned, “She’s killin’ me with those jeans, babe.”

Steve snorted, “Tell me about it,” he murmured as his eyes went back to across the lounge. You were standing off to the side, speaking with Professor Romanoff, the teacher you were a TA for. You were nodding to everything that she was listing off for you to do. After handing you a stack of papers, you saw yourself out of the lounge. Bucky and Steve’s shoulders sagged in disappointment.

Ever since you became Professor Romanoff, aka Natasha’s, TA, Steve and Bucky have been seeing you more and more. Not that they minded. You were beautiful, funny, and smart. Honestly, you were the missing puzzle piece in their life.

Don’t get it wrong, Steve and Bucky were completely devoted to each other. But for the past few years, they’ve been feeling like they were missing something. And they believe that something is you.

But how does one go about proposing a polyamorous relationship? You don’t. It’s not a very common thing and it’s not accepted in a lot of places. Nonetheless, Steve and Bucky adored you from the moment they met you.

So, they hatched a plan. They would worm their way into your heart individually and when it came to the point where you “have to choose”, they’ll give you the other option: a two for one deal.

_________________________

You’re in the school cafe, a pile of papers off to the side that you’re making your way through. You suddenly feel a presence looming over you and you look up to see Professor Barnes.

You give him a polite smile, “Hey there, professor! How’s it going?”

“Monday mornings were never my thing hence,” he gestured to his large coffee cup.

You snorted, “Tell me about it,” you pointed to your own, “This is my third one already.”

“Mind if I sit?” he points to the seat across from you.

You shook your head, “Not at all!” you move your things around to give him a little bit more space, “Enjoy your weekend?”

He shrugged, “Just stayed home, watched some Netflix, graded papers. The usual.”

You nodded, “That’s become my usual now too. Although, yesterday my friends Pietro and Wanda dragged me out of the apartment to go to a bar. Gonna be honest, had a bit too much.”

“That explains the coffee and you still grading papers that are probably due today.”

You sighed, “Yeeeaahhh. Never listening to the twins again,” you said with a snort.

“I wish I could help. Russian Literature was my minor. But I’m sure if Nat found out, she’d have both our heads.”

“Definitely. Romanoff’s great, but, damn, does she terrify me!”

Barnes snorted, “Same here.” he stood up and grabbed his coffee, “Well, I’ll let you get to it. Good luck.”

“Thanks, Professor Barnes!”

He smiled down at you, and with a wink, he said, “Call me Bucky,” and he waltzed out of the cafe like it was nothing. And you hated to admit that that little gesture made your cheeks heat up and make your panties slightly damp.

___________________

You were struggling with holding the pile of graded papers in your arms and trying to get your notebook out for Romanoff’s class. Just when you thought you had it, all the papers tumbled forward onto the ground. You groaned and hung your head back, staring up at the sky asking, “Why me?”

You bent down and began to collect the papers, and then another pair of hands came into view. You tried to object, “It’s okay! I got-” when you looked up, staring back at you was he striking blue eyes of Professor Rogers, “I-I got it, Professor Rogers,” you stammered as you quickly collected the essays.

“It’s alright. I don’t mind helping,” he said with a shy smile, grabbing the leftover papers and handing them to you. You both stood up and awkwardly stood there, “So, uh, headed to Nat’s-I mean, Romanoff’s office?”

You nodded, “Yeah. Gotta turn in all these papers I graded.” you gestured to the pile that was back in your hands.

“Oh, well, my office is in the same direction. I’ll accompany you.”

You two walked together, towards the Literature and History building, “So, uh, how was your weekend?”

“Oh, uh, pretty bland, honestly. Just hanging out and grading papers. What about you? Did you spend your weekend grading all of these?” he points to your pile.

“Sorta,” you answered, “I got most of them done. Then I went out last night. Got drunk and never finished the rest. I just finished up in the cafe. Professor Barnes was actually there too. Surprised you weren’t with him. You two are usually attached to the hip,” you say teasingly.

Rogers snorted, “Please, I couldn’t shake ‘im even if I tried. We actually live together. We see a lot of each other and you would think we’d get sick of each other. But we don’t.”

“That’s good. I love Pietro and Wanda, but, God, I don’t think I can spend every second of the day with them.”

He chuckled, “Guess you just gotta find the right people that’ll make you want to see them all the time.”

Soon enough, you were in the building, standing in front of Professor Romanoff’s office, “Well, here’s my stop,” you say.

“Yeah. Anyway, I hope you have a good rest of your day, Y/N.”

“Thanks, Professor Rogers. You too!”

“Please, call me, Steve,” he says with a grin and then turns around, heading for his office in the other direction.

___________________

Bucky is eating lunch in Steve’s office. Steve is typing away at his computer, occasionally pausing when Bucky feeds him a forkful of penne pasta into his mouth.

“So, progress?” Bucky asks, his own mouth full of pasta.

Steve chews a few more times before swallowing. He takes off his glasses and sets them onto his desk, “Told her to call me Steve after I helped pick up her papers that she dropped and accompanied her on the way to Nat’s office. She said she came from the cafe and you were there?”

Bucky nodded, “Yeah. Grabbed some coffee, sat with her and chatted a little bit. When I left, I told her to call me Bucky. You still think we should do this?”

“I really like her, Buck. I just-don’t you feel it? That spark with her?” when Bucky nodded, Steve continued, “Then can you imagine how it would be if all of us were together?”

“It’d be like nothing we’ve ever felt before,” Bucky murmured.

“Exactly. We gotta try, but we can’t be too overbearing. She’s gotta be the one.”

Bucky set down his tupperware of pasta and rest his hand on Steve’s, “She’s out missing puzzle piece.”

___________________

You sat in the lounge next to Professor Romanoff, or Nat, as she’s allowed you to call her. You’re both going over test grades and that’s when you hear the screeching of wood against the floor and then you look up to see Bucky and Steve settling across the table from you.

Your eyes brighten and a smile appears on your face, “Hey, Bucky! Hey, Steve!”

Big grins appear on their faces when you acknowledge, “Hey, doll,” Bucky says, and you feel your cheeks heating up.

You duck your head down, biting your lip and continuing to grade papers. You hoped that Nat ignored that interaction, but she didn’t. While you continued to grade papers, Nat gave questioning looks to the professors across from her. Both gave her shrugs and pulled out their own work that needed to be done.

Words started to blur as your eyes skimmed through another test, your red pen marking wrong answers. You could feel yourself getting a headache so you groaned and fell back into your seat, “I need a break. I’m gonna walk to the cafe. Do you guys want anything?” Nat and Bucky shook their head but Steve stood up.

“I’ll go with you. I think I need to stretch my legs anyway.” he turns to Bucky and gives him a nod, and then follows you out of the lounge. After you both leave, Nat turns to Bucky.

“What the hell are you guys up to?”

“Steve and I both like Y/N, so we’re trying to ease our way into her heart and possibly propose a poly relationship.”

Nat groaned, “Jesus Christ. You know what happened the last time you tried that. You and Steve ended up heartbroken and nearly broke up because of it.”

“Dot wasn’t right for us,” Bucky said with a shake of his head, “But Y/N’s different. You know she is, Nat.”

“Maybe so, but then again, you hardly know her.”

“And that’s why we’re trying to spend as much time as we can to get to know her.”

Nat shook her head, “You’re playing a dangerous game. She’s a student.”

“She’s graduating this year. Once she’s graduated, then Steve and I will ask. Trust us, Nat. We learned from the last time and we know what we’re doing now.”

____________________

“So, the semester is half way over and you’ll be graduating soon. Have any plans on what to do?” Steve asked, his hands curled up in his pockets.

“Travel. Find a job. Maybe find some love on the way. I don’t know.”

“Not looking for love right now?” he asked with a teasing smirk.

You shrugged, “Oh trust me, I’ve been looking. Just haven’t found anyone that clicks with me, ya know? Someone funny, smart, compassionate, independent. Oh and knows how to cook. It’s surprising how many people here barely know how to cook.”

Steve snorted, “Bucky loves to cook. He cooks our meals all the time. I know how to cook too, but for Bucky, it’s his stress reliever. He’s in his element when he cooks, plus everything is delicious when he makes it.”

“I’d love to try something other than ramen and burgers.”

“I’ll bring you some tomorrow. Buck loves to cook for other people so it won’t be a problem.”

You shook your head, “I can’t ask you guys to do that. You don’t have-”

“You’re not askin’, sweetheart. Plus, we want to do this. Trust me.”

You sighed, “Fine.”

Steve was beaming right then and there, “Great. Do you have any food preferences?”

“Surprise me.”

_____________________

It became a regular thing after that. You and Nat would be in the lounge going over lecture notes or grading papers. Steve and Bucky would appear and slide over some tupperware for lunch that Bucky had prepared for you. At one point, they started bringing some food for Nat too since she complained about them not bringing food for her. Plus, they didn’t want to seem too suspicious.

As the semester progressed, you found yourself in the company of Steve and Bucky often. Sometimes it was both of them, sometimes it was one or the other. You’d have lunch with them, walk with them to class or the office building. Relax under some trees while you graded papers. You also ended up getting both of their numbers and all three of you would be in a group chat texting away or texting to either men individually.

You were around them a lot and you couldn’t help the feelings you were starting to develop for both them. It was conflicting. Very much so. You were a student and they were professors.

It was a month before the semester ended, before you graduated, and you’d had enough. Enough of the feelings and the confusion. It had to stop!

So you burst into Bucky’s office where you knew both men would be. As soon as you step into the room, you freeze. There right before was Steve and Bucky, but they were tangled up in each other, making out.

“I’m so confused,” you murmured as they stared at you wide-eyed.

“Doll, I-we-”

“I-I should go. Sorry. I didn’t-I’m gonna-”

You turn to leave but Steve cried outs, “Y/N, wait!” and you stop. You look at them and they’re staring at you with pleading eyes, “Sweetheart, please, don’t leave. Just-Just close the door and we’ll explain everything.”

Slowly, you move back inside, closing the door behind you. You sit at the chair across from Bucky’s desk. Bucky sits back down into his seat and Steve stands off to the side, running his hand through his disheveled hair.

“Are-Are you guys together?” you ask apprehensively. When both men nod, you let out a shaky breath, “I-I don’t understand. Both of you made it seem like you were interested in me. Were you just toying with me? Is that it?!”

“No!” both said unison.

Steve cleared his throat, “It’s nothin’ like that, Y/N. We swear. We-Bucky and I, we’ve been together for a long time. We love each other a lot, but-”

Bucky interjected, “But we feel like we’ve been missing something. And we think that something is you.”

You became even more confused, “But you’re together already. How would that even work?”

“A polyamorous relationship. The three of us can be together. Bucky and I have strong feelings for you, Y/N.”

You shook your head, “This can’t happen,” and suddenly, it felt like Bucky and Steve’s hearts were breaking all over again, but then you continued, “I’m still a student and you’re professors. If this got out, I’d be expelled and you two would be fired. I-” you take a moment to let out a deep breath, “It’s funny. I was coming here to tell you that I can’t choose between you two. I have feelings for both of you, so I was just-I don’t know-take myself out of the equation.”

“But you don’t have to, doll,” Bucky says with a hopeful gaze.

Steve rest his hand on Bucky’s shoulder to prevent him from getting ahead of yourself, “But we understand your reasoning why you don’t want to be with us.”

“I didn’t say I don’t want to be with you. I said I can’t right now.” that made both men’s ears perk, “I’m graduating next month. We can put all of this on hold for now and once I’m outta here then...”

“We can wait!” Bucky said all too enthusiastically, which made Steve chuckle.

Steve’s hand moved from Bucky’s shoulder, down his arm and to his hand where they laced fingers, “We’re willing to wait for you, sweetheart. You’re worth it.”

You moved around the desk and to the two men, grabbing each of their hands in yours, “Thank you. You guys mean a lot to me,” you leaned in and pecked the cheeks of each men, “I’ll see you guys soon,” and then you were out of Bucky’s office. The end of next month couldn’t come any sooner.

__________________

“Y/N L/N!” your name was called as you walked across the stage, shaking the dean’s hand, and accepting your diploma. Cheers from your loved ones and peers brought a huge smile to your face. You walked down the steps dancing on your way back to your seat, your classmates buzzing all around you.

After everyone’s name was called, the dean stood up the podium to give final remarks and the changing of the tassels, “Now, everyone, I present to you the Class of 2020!” everyone cheered as caps went flying into the air. You hugged the people around you, and waited for your family and friends to meet you on the field. In the meantime..

“I’M SO PROUD OF YOU!” Bucky cried out as he gave you a big ol’ hug. Steve stood behind him, holding a bouquet of your favorite flowers.

“Congrats, Y/N,” Steve gave you a hug, nothing to make anyone suspicious.

You were beaming at them, “Thanks you guys. I can’t believe it. I graduated!”

Bucky was ready to ask you out right then and there, but stopped when he saw your family approaching. He and Steve stepped aside to allow you some time with your loved ones. They mouthed, “See you later,” and both walked away to congratulate other students.

You watched as they departed. A part of you wanted to chase after them and kiss them both then and there, but that would stir something up and you didn’t want any trouble on this momentous day. Soon, Y/N. Soon.

The day after graduation was when you were to pick up your official diploma. You knew from the group chat that Steve and Bucky would be on campus, due to finishing up finals. And after you picked up your diploma, you wanted to go see them.

With diploma in hand, you approached the office building, sending off texts to the men:

You: whatcha up to?

Bucky: grading finals in Steve’s office

You: can I stop by?

Steve: of course ;)

Bucky: BRING COFFEE!

You giggled, knowing how predictable Bucky was, two cups of coffee with you already. You approached Steve’s office, knocking on the slightly ajar door, “May I enter?”

The door swung wide open, and Bucky immediately pulled you inside, closing and locking the door behind you. You snorted, “Wow, eager mu-mmf!” you couldn’t finish the teasing retory as a pair of lips matched up with yours, hands cupping your face.

You heard a chuckle from behind you, “Buck, careful, you’re gonna make her spill the coffee she got for us.” He went over and grabbed the coffee tray from your hands.

You pulled away, mumbling, “Thank you,” to him and then looking back at Bucky who sported a dopey grin on his face, “How long were you waiting to do that?”

“So fucking long,” he mumbled, pressing his lips to yours once more, but it was brief since you pulled away.

“Hey now, two kisses and Steve hasn’t even gotten any from me yet. You’re starting to get greedy, mister.”

Bucky’s cheeks flushed and he ducked his head down shyly, “Sorry, doll,” he then moved aside for Steve.

Steve pulled you in, wrapping an arm around you and slowly leaning in. His lips were hovering over yours and right as you were about to tell him to hurry up, his lips met yours in a passionate kiss. His fingers dug into your skin as he held onto you for dear life. For so long him and Bucky have wanted you like this and he feels like if he lets go, if he pulls away, it’ll all be a dream.

Steve began to walk you backwards until your backside hit the edge of his desk. You pulled away to look at the two men, whose soft gazes faded and turned into lustful ones.

You smirked, “I’ve always fantasized about being fucked on a desk.”

Both men growled as they started to undo their pants. Steve pressed you up against the desk, kissing you heatedly, while Bucky began to remove things from the surface. You hopped onto it after receiving the okay from Bucky. Steve worked on getting your jeans off while Bucky pulled of your shirt. Clothes flew around the room with no care where they landed.

“Ah fuck, baby doll. You’re so fucking gorgeous,” Bucky moaned, his hand slowly pumping his cock and the other kneading your breast.

You laid across the surface, opening your mouth, welcoming Bucky’s length. You both moaned when his dick entered your mouth. Bucky thrust his hips back and forth, loving how you looked taking his cock.

Meanwhile, Steve was paying special attention to your pussy. He licked a strip up your slit, tongue circling around your clit. When you moaned a little too loud, Steve pulled away, “Quiet now, honey. Someone might here your pretty little noises and those are for our ears only.”

Bucky pulled out of your mouth for you to reply, “Sorry, Steve.”

“How wet is she, Stevie?” Bucky asked through his panting.

Steve licked his lips, “So fucking wet and she’s so sweet,” he murmured before slurping up some of your juices.

Bucky whined, “Lemme taste.” Steve then stood up and leaned over the desk, pulling Bucky towards him, Lips smashing against lips. You wished you could’ve seen the two men swapping your taste, but the view was blocked by Bucky’s body leaning over yours.

When they pulled away Steve cleared his throat, looking from you to Bucky, “So, how’s this gonna go: i fuck her pussy while you get her mouth, or vice versa?”

You shook your head, “No, I wanna feel you both at the same time.”

Both men moaned at the thought of both of their cocks filling you up to the brim. Steve nodded, “Very well. Bucky, on the table. Sweetheart, straddle Bucky.” Both you and Bucky did as you were told while Steve pulled out a bottle of lube from a drawer.

You gave him a questioning look and Bucky chuckled, “This isn’t the first time we’ve fucked in this office, doll.” And just the image of Bucky and Steve fucking in this office made you even more wet than before.

Steve, with his cock lubed up, knelt behind you and in-between Bucky’s legs, “You ready for us, babygirl?”

“I’ve literally been waiting all semester for this, Steve. Now hurry up and fuck me.”

Both men snickered at your haste, “Gotta give our girl what she wants,” Bucky mumbled as he lined himself up with you and you lowered yourself onto him. Steve was right behind you, pushing you forward and slowly easing himself into not wanting to hurt you. Moments pass they’re both inside you and, holy shit, this is something you’ve never felt before.

Both men stay still as they let you set the pace. You rock your body back and forth, allowing both cocks to drag themselves in and out of you. Seriously, the feeling was something unworldly. What made it ever better was Bucky’s lips on your chest and Steve’s hand working your clit. These men both knew what they were doing.

“So fucking sexy, sweetheart, taking our cocks at the same time,” Steve murmured into your neck, “You love this, don’t you? Love being filled to the brim.”

Bucky bit at your skin, making you hiss, to which he mumbled, “Answer him, babydoll.”

“Yes, Steve. Love your cocks filling me whole,” you gasped when Bucky’s cock just hit that spot that made you shudder. With the way things were going, you knew you were gonna be cumming soon.

“Wanna make a mess outta you, sweetheart,” Bucky whispered, lips still wandering over your neck and chest, “Wanna fill you with our cum, paint you with it. Mark you as ours.”

“I’m yours,” you panted out, “I’m all yours,” you moved your body faster, desperate for your release.

“Go ahead, baby, cum on our cocks. We wanna feel ya,” Steve mumbled in your ear, his hand working faster on your clit. You dug your nails into Bucky’s chest, a pain he happily welcomed.

“Come on, baby. Give it us. You can do it,” Bucky encouraged you, slapping your ass and kneading the flesh.

“Fuck, fuck,” you said through gritted teeth. A powerful wave of pleasure washed over you as leaned down, resting your head against Bucky’s while you came.

“So pretty when you cum,” he whispered.

“Such a good girl,” Steve murmured, kissing your back and shoulders. You moved a bit and felt something wet. You sat up and looked down to see that you just squirted all over you and Bucky.

“Oh shit. I’ve never done that before,” you murmured.

Bucky snickered, “First time for everything,” he said with a wink.

You then moved off his lap, “Well, lemme clean this up for you since it is my mess.” Both men hissed when your hands wrapped around both their lengths, your mouth gliding over Bucky’s stomach and pelvis, collecting your own juices.

“Oh my God, you’re perfect,” he moaned, his hand grabbing your head and trying to push it towards his cock.

You slapped his hand away, “I already sucked you off, babe. Now it’s Steve’s turn,” you said with a smirk. You gave a wink to the blonde as your mouth lowered onto his dick. Bucky was right, you are perfect. And you’re theirs. All theirs.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #steve rogers x reader #stucky x reader #smut #professor au #college au

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melmothblog · 4 years

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Ask Responses: Tsiskaridze

1) glad you are back and feeling better :) 2) I saw that Nikolai was hanging out with Polina Gagarina. Were they known to be friends before this? Polina seems to take an interest in ballet through her mother.

Thank you! I don’t think they’re close friends, but since Nikolai is a media personality in Russia it’s not surprising that he and Gagarina move in the same circles.

Do you know what Tsiskaridze's opinions are on contemporary ballet/dance?

He has made plenty of negative comments about contemporary dance but I think this has almost always happened in the context of particular productions. Tsiskaridze places classical ballet above all else and expects choreographers to have complete knowledge and understanding of classical canon before they start creating something new. He often brings up Picasso as an example (Picasso excelled as a “traditional” artist before he developed his unique style; see his “Science and Charity,” painted in 1897, below). I have a feeling that Tsiskaridze views many contemporary choreographers as self-indulgent idiots who create bs work for the sake of appearing edgy and daring.

I know Vishneva really bashed Tsiskaridze for his appointment at Vaganova as rector. Has she changed that opinion or apologized? Addressed it again at all? This is a stretch, but have she and Tsiskaridze made up? Or did he ever take offense in the first place at all? I know he had a tough set of teachers in Pestov, Ulanova, Semyonova, and the rest, so perhaps he treated it as merely constructive criticism? Also, does he have any major “enemies” right now like he used to?

To my knowledge, she’s never addressed the situation since she’d made her original statement. I have no idea what terms they are on at the moment, though Diana does follow Tsiskaridze on social media. Notably, Professor Kovaleva – Diana’s teacher and very close friend and mentor – is on good terms with Nikolai, so that’s something.

I think Tsiskaridze is very used to the drama. I don’t know how he felt about it at the time or how he feels now. I think his priority was always to prove himself and not pay much attention to what was being said.

As for enemies... He probably does have quite a few of them. Likely, in high places. The recent hack of his Instagram and email was attributed to one such enemy but who knows if this is true...

What is Tsiskaridze's relationship with his students like? Personally, seeing the way he yells at them, I'd be too scared of him to even open up about any of my feelings to him, but somehow, all his students seem pretty close to him. I'm a high school student too, and I study singing, and know that I say this about Tsiskaridze being strict , even though my singing teacher is well known in the area as being unreasonably strict and demanding, and straight up mean sometimes, even though I disagree.

There’s so much to unpack here, it could turn into an essay. To keep things brief: Tsiskaridze, like many Russian teachers, is extremely tough in the classroom and equally loving outside of it. By most accounts, he treats his students as he would his own children (feeds them, gives them money, takes them to the doctor, gives relationship advice, takes them to museums, gives them books to read, provides a shoulder to cry on, supports their careers, etc.). In the classroom, he demands complete submission and breaks his students down to build them up again. He is brutal but he gets results. He has also fallen out with a number of his students, so the relationships aren’t always great. Don’t ask me why these breakups happen. I don’t know for sure and the answer depends on the person giving it. According to Tsiskardze’s side, he periodically gets betrayed by his students in a major way and this leads to the end of the relationships. It’s entirely possible that this is true. This was also one of the main lessons Semyonova had taught him early on: “Your students will betray you.”

What are your thoughts are about what Ilya and Sol said in a Q&A: Ilya said that the reason VBA and BBA take international students is for public relations. Sol said that most teachers didn’t try and just gave foreign students good exam grades and featured roles so that parents would keep paying tuition. I think that this is true judging by the international VBA graduates: Leo and Aviva ended up in not world-class American companies: Joffrey + Boston Ballet. This lowers my opinion of Tsiskaridze

First of all (for the sake of transparency), I haven’t seen the Q&A you’re referring to but I’ll take your word for it and hope that I’m not missing some important context. I have a couple of thoughts on this:

International students are treated as cash cows by most higher education institutions, not just in ballet. I’m saying this as a former international student and as someone currently working in the sector. This doesn’t mean that they’re neglected, but institutions see them primarily as a major source of revenue and treat them accordingly.

Aviva and the rest of the class of 2020 graduated into a pandemic. International travel and work is up in the air, and it’s a lot harder for foreigners to secure a job in Russia and vice versa.

Boston Ballet has, for some reason, attracted some serious talent in the last few years (Soo-bin Lee).

I think there’s a difference between the international traineeship programs at VBA and BBA.

VBA International trainees have their own annual gala and also participate in VBA performances at the Mariinsky and on tours. That being said, not all international students get to do that. There is still a selection process in place when it comes to major performances like “The Nutcracker”. So the bit about them automatically getting featured roles isn’t true for VBA.

Tsiskaridze had a number of international students in his class and he treated them like the locals (read: brutally). His students ended up at the Mariinsky and the Bolshoi.

I’m not saying that Ilya and Sol are wrong – Ilya has worked at BBA for years and he knows what he’s talking about – but I don’t think that what he’s saying is a blanket rule that applies to all Russian teachers. It’s not quite so black and white. Most importantly, I believe that there’s a significant difference between how Tsiskaridze runs VBA and how Leonova runs BBA.

d i s c l a i m e r

#qa #qa tsiskaridze #tsiskaridze #vaganova #vaganova ballet academy #vaganova academy

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ascari-chicane · 4 years

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DIARY OF MADELYN GARCIA- introduction

warnings:none, just Carlos Sainz being too hot for everyone to function

words:1,4k

masterlist to the series (to be published soon)

diary of madelyn garcia

It felt like an eternity. The hell of high school. But when her alarm rung at 5 in the morning, she suddenly didn’t feel like it. As if the pressure was removed from her, for the first time ever she felt… happy to be awake. Madelyn got up, stretching her arms above her head, her shirt rising up, revealing her skin. She got up and spread her curtains with a smile. For the first time since she started going to high school, she felt as if today is going to be a good day. She slowly made her bed, silky material of her sheets felt refreshing against her fingertips. As she waltzed to the bathroom, three rapid knocks were placed on her door.

“Get up, chica!” the voice of Madelyn’s brother, Alvaro, was heard.

“I’m up!” she yelled, hoping he would leave quickly. She heard footsteps fading away and smiled, turning on Spotify on her laptop, playing one of her playlists to get her more hyped up. She washed her face neatly, smiling at her foamy reflection in the mirror. She washed the foam off her face before cleansing it and putting on face cream. She took off to her closet and put on a tight, grey, long-sleeved shirt with her school’s logo and black skirt that reached to her mid thighs. Her table was her next destination as she turned on the lights on her mirror, starting her makeup routine. She was simple, concealer to cover the bags underneath her eyes, fill in her eyebrows a little bit, add mascara and that’s it. She got up, putting on her black sneakers, taking her bag and leaving her room to drop the bag down in the hallway, taking her breakfast in the kitchen before leaving with her bag.

As Madelyn sat in her car, she called her best friend, Lena who picked up immediately, telling her to pick her up at her house. She started the car, driving off towards Lena’s house. She was waiting outside and ran up to the car, getting in and hugging Madelyn.

“Girl, are you ready for school day number 2?” Lena was clearly excited, making Madelyn laugh. “Come on, you have to be excited!”

“Not really. I don’t have a boyfriend, free time, hobbies other than sports or more than 5 real friends” Madelyn said and Lena rolled her eyes because she has a boyfriend.

“Anyways, not why I wanted you to pick me up.” She clapped her hands. Madelyn stopped at their school as they got out, taking their bags with them. Madelyn barely locked her car before Lena started pulling her towards their school. “They say that this new Spanish teacher is a snack!”

“Oh dear-“

“NO! YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO SAY ANYTHING UNTIL YOU SEE HIM!” Lena yelled and Madelyn sighed as she already knew she was about to roll her eyes.

“Besides, do we even have Spanish together?” Madelyn stopped in her tracks.

“Nah I take French” Lena pursed her lips, causing Madelyn to roll her eyes as she pushed Lena to go. “BUT IT DOESN’T MATTER!” She said. “Just promise me you’ll tell me if you see him before I do. Spanish is in west part of the building and French is all the way in east” she almost pouted.

“Fine just hurry! I have Mathematics before Spanish!” Madelyn ignored Lena’s little victory dance and continued towards North, where she has Mathematics. They parted as Lena had Science in West and Madelyn quickly found one of her closest friends, Alexandra. They hugged, shared a small chat and sat next to each other. As Madelyn was getting ready for the class, she felt Alexandra poke her with a pencil.

“Yeah?”

“Have you heard about that new Spanish teacher?” she said and Madelyn groaned.

“You literally have Russian. Why are you talking about this? Lena was talking about him too!” Madelyn was getting frustrated, he can’t be that hot.

“Girl, the entire school can’t shut up about him. They say he’s from Madrid”

“Great, will actually teach me good Spanish” Madelyn gave her thumbs up as Alexandra rolled her eyes.

“Okay class-“ her math teacher, Miss Larson, started speaking, making Madelyn shake Alexandra away. She was actually kind of excited to see him, she is not going to lie. The class was boring as usual, Madelyn just wasn’t good at this. Half of the class, she was thinking about what Alex said, that he is from Madrid. Her family is from Spain but she hardly knows Spanish because they moved to the US when she was 1, but her brother is bilingual. She can understand normal stuff and knows how to accent everything but it’s the grammar that she makes mistakes at.

When the bell rung, she almost sprinted out of the door towards the West, meeting Ivy, her only close friend that takes Spanish. Ivy hugged her and as she expected, immediately starting blabbering about her summer break. Ivy is very talkative and Madelyn loves to listen to her.

“And OH MY GOD, I am so excited to meet the new Spanish teacher!” she said and Madelyn sighed. “And by the look on your face, you’ve heard it too many times today” Madelyn laughed and nodded. “Well let me tell you something-His name is Carlos, he is born on 1st September 1994., he is Spanish, Single, Straight, his hair is dark brown and short, his eyes are beautiful dark brown, he is 5’9’ and- did I go too much into details?” Ivy stopped as she noticed Madelyn’s wide eyes.

“Yes” she chuckled and Ivy laughed, grabbing her hand.

“Let’s go meet the Prince Charming” Ivy said and they walked in the classroom, sitting next to each other and taking their notes out. They were too distracted in their talks when the door slammed. They looked up and Madelyn couldn’t hold her gasp. Everything they said about this man? False. Because he is not a snack, he is a whole damn meal! His raven hair looked delicious, like it was made only for her to tangle up her fingers there. His eyes were rough yet soft, he had that 3-day-stubble. His body was obviously built by Greek Gods but hidden underneath the white button up and black jeans. The button up was slightly unbuttoned, leaving a bit of chest hair peeking out making Madelyn drool a little. He dropped his bag and took the chalk, writing his name on the board before dropping it and turning towards the class.

“Hello class, my name is Carlos Sainz and I will be your Spanish professor this year.” His Spanish accent made Madelyn dizzy, she can sometimes slip in the Spanish accent while talking with her friends and they found it adorable while she didn’t, she was doing it on accident. But this man? My oh my. He sat down, opening his laptop and reading the names out as people got up and introduced themselves in Spanish. OH NO! SHE WILL HAVE TO DO IT?! She saw his eyebrow quirk and a smirk appear on his face before he leaned back, eyes scanning the classroom.

“Madelyn Garcia”

Shit. The way he said her name made her weak but she managed to get up. His eyes immediately stopped on her, smiling as he checked everybody else, engrossed in chatting with their friends. His eyes quickly raked down her figure. Did he just..?

“Hola, cariño (Hello, darling)” he said and Madelyn almost whimpered.

“Hola” she mumbled and he got up.

“Tu apellido... es español (Your last name…is Spanish)” he noted and she nodded.

“Nací en España, pero me mudé aquí cuando tenía 1 año. No sé tanto el español (I was born in Spain, but moved here when I was 1. I don’t know much Spanish)” she said as Carlos approached her

“Tu acento es perfecto, amor (You accent is perfect, love)” he said and she shivered. How can he talk like that in class full of people? I mean they weren’t paying attention and know only to introduce themselves. Ivy was chatting with girl behind her.

“Gracias, señor (Thank you, sir)” Madelyn said and Carlos crossed his arms in front of her. He was standing right in front of her table.

“Puede sentarse (You may sit)” he said and she sat down as he got to the side of her desk while looking at other students before whispering to you. “Tú y yo nos divertiremos mucho nena (You and I are going to have a lot of fun, baby.)”

A/N-HEY GUYS! I am so excited to write this, this story will also be on my wattpad and quotev (names of profiles are in my description). Professor!Carlos just seemes too hot! I have to establish the exact dates of publishing new chapters but it will probably be tuesdays at 9pm. Love you <3

#f1 imagine #f1 fanfiction #carlos sainz #carlos sainz imagine #carlos sainz fanfiction #carlos sainz jr #carlos sainz jr imagine #carlos sainz jr fanfiction #f1 #professor!carlos sainz

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minerva--mcgee · 3 years

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19 please

LOVE THIS QUESTION. I have BLESSED in my life with many great educators! I’ll talk about a few of them. This answer is going to be WAY longer than necessary, but this made me realize how much I miss my old teachers and how much they did for me.

High School

Mr. O’D - AP Lang, 11th grade. What a guy. A 6′5″ Middle Eastern man who loved death metal, poetry, speaks Russian, and hates the patriarchy. I was in the 11th grade during that fateful 2016 election, and I had his class first thing in the morning the morning after. He walked in ten minutes late, walked to the front of the class, and stared at us in silence. After a few minutes of us simply staring at each other, he suddenly bursts out into a long, tangental rage in Russian, with English words such as “orange” and “c*nt” popping out every few seconds. After he was done, took a few deep breaths, and sat down at his desk with his head down for the rest of class. Also, my friend group in this class (and for the whole year, really) was myself (a lesbian) and three trans guys. A few weeks into the school year after he got to know us a little bit, he brought his guitar to class and told us we had inspired him to write a song. He sang a song about coming out to your parents and the whole class was crying. He’ll always have a really special place in my heart.

Mrs. E - Oceanography, 12th grade. One of the smartest people I’ve ever known in my life. Told me in the 12th grade that we were overdue for a global-scale pandemic within the next five years, and look where that got us (I am in my third year of college now.) Just a week shy of being ten years older than me, she had a masters in Marine Biology and Molecular Biology. She was one of the teachers who ran a really great field trip where we got a cabin in a state park for a weekend and walked on long hikes, and during one of those hikes, it ended up being just the two of us for a while. We had some deep talks. At one point, three large men on bikes came toward us down the path, and she pulled me close and grabbed me tightly around the arm, proclaiming “If they try to talk to us, tell them you’re my daughter!” even though I looked older than she did. She hated the class I was in, but liked me and my friends because we made her laugh, so whenever she changed the seating chart, she left us together and close to her desk. There’s another story for another time about how I accidentally got super high in front her on my very last day of high school and she did not give a fuck, if y’all want to hear that sometime.

Mrs. H - Art/Photography/Director of Theatre Club, 10th-12th grade. Oh god, where do I start with her. A hot mess. A disaster of a person masquerading as someone who has their life together. Had a baby my junior year, took over the theatre club my sophomore year. She’s the reason I started theatre. We were SUPER close when I was in high school. She let me skip other classes and come to hers, we texted, I went to her house after I graduated. She’s also the aunt of one of my closest friends. She’s absolutely batshit, don’t get me wrong, but she also talked me out of s*icide a time or two. This one is shorter because there aren’t enough words to talk about how much this woman saved me.

College

Prof MH - So many theatre classes. Also my advisor. An absolute queen. Does not take my bullshit, and I am very grateful for that, but is also a shoulder to cry on if you need her. Very quirky. Absolutely digs Shakespeare, almost annoyingly (and that’s a lot, coming from me.) No-nonsense, but still knows how to have fun. She creates such a welcoming environment in her acting classes that puts everyone at ease, but isn’t afraid to take us outside of our comfort zones. She genuinely wants to see us become better actors and better people. I know if I ever won an Oscar, she’d be the first person on her feet cheering for me.

Prof RB - I haven’t had any of her classes yet, but she’s a theatre prof, and she’s directing the show I’m currently in (we open tomorrow - eep!) She’s the kind of person that’s au naturale, she introduced me to meditating, is always talking about how healthy she eats, and has two awesome kids that I babysit sometimes. She is an absolute SAVAGE when it comes to acting notes, though. Her acting classes/productions are ... not for the faint of heart. I would die for this woman.

Prof WY - Improv/Various lecture theatre classes. AN ICON. A KING. WE STAN. Bought me dinner when we were in another state at a conference one time. Had a huge margarita. He is not afraid to say whatever the fuck is on his mind, and god damn it, he is usually right. He’s the one that you come in and are afraid of, but as you get to know the professors, you realize that it’s RB you should be afraid of ... and then later on you realize, no, I should DEFINITELY be afraid of WY. I want to spend my 21st birthday at a vineyard with this man. Randomly texts me pictures of his dogs, saying “Just poking our nose in to see how you’re doing!” Will drop everything for you in a time of need.

This was long as fuck. Educators are so under-appreciated. I would die for everyone on this list.

#ask #the hyperfixation is real #school #teachers

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magdamaria · 4 years

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(iris law, cis female) - have you seen magdalene maria nabokov? magda is in her junior year. the art history major is 20 years old & is a pisces. people say she is idealistic, creative, impractical, and sensitive. rumors say she’s a member of kincaid. i heard from the gossip blog that she broke up a professor’s marriage.

the results of olive bullying me! insert knife emoji here

(THINK: DANCING BAREFOOT; BLUES AND YELLOWS; A WARM SUMMER BREEZE; THE SMELL OF INCENSE; SMUDGED LIPSTICK AND CHASTE KISSES)

she kissed all the boys on the playground and never dealt with the repercussions. at parent teacher conferences she’d had to translate to her russian parents, who had no idea that their daughter’s second grade teacher was effectively calling their babygirl a slut, and instead bought her a vanilla soft serve ice cream later that day (magda told them the teacher was congratulating her painting skills which were, objectively, much more advanced than that of her peers). she kept kissing boys on the playground until one boy made a face and told her that her lips tasted like pierogi and she cried so much that no one wanted to go near her. then the third grade came and the cycle started again. up until high school, her parents never found out she was kissing all the boys, and they kept buying her soft serve and new painting supplies on her birthday, and she kept eventually scaring away all the boys with her tears.

high school was better and worse. better because she learned how to cry in the bathroom where no one could see her except her friends, who huddled around the stall with worried faces. and when she came to class flushed pink, all the boys thought she was sunkissed and all the girls thought she bought new blush, and no one knew she carried more kleenex than textbooks in her kanken. worse because after so many years in america, her parents learned enough english to know when their daughter was flunking algebra and skipping biology and they stopped buying her ice cream and told her that art would never get her anywhere in life. she started stealing supplies from the art room and fucking the art teacher and he must have written her a really good letter of recommendation because suddenly she was at yates.

her parents support her art now only because they are immigrants and seeing their daughter at a fancy american college makes them happy. and she wouldn’t admit it, but it makes her happy too. when her three younger brothers, triplets, facetime her every friday and she misses queens a little more than usual, she thinks of the cramped little apartment they are gathered in, and how her parents sleep on a pullout in the living room, and suddenly she is filled with a new determination to live life as loudly as she can at yates. and she does. she lives and fucks as much as she can and this was only a problem (1) time-- when it was a professor and he had a wife and a kid and both of them saw. she still cries a lot but only in her room and on public transportation (who doesn’t love to cry on a bus?) and she still likes to kiss boys (and anyone of any gender) and fuck them but never sleep with them (there is a difference).

TLDR: she is a sweet, chaotic and emotional pisces bimbo that loves art and fucking around!!!

#yatesintro #say hello to MAGDA!#weeeee #no tw she is pure except for all the sex

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fangirling-throughlife · 4 years

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Music is in my DNA. I think there aren’t many Spaniards who don’t have music in their DNA. And if you go to Valencia, it’s almost impossible to find someone who hasn’t studied music at least for a year, who doesn’t know to play an instrument. It’s normal, considering that there are 1.686 musical groups (bands, orchestras, choirs, big bands...) in Valencia. 40.000 musicians, 64.000 music students. Our dearest memories are linked to music from the beginning: Fallas, the weeks of festivities, 9 d’octubre, Easter... I can sing you at least one piece that matches every major religious and civil festivity throughout the year.

I was raised around music. My grandparents gave money to the town’s band to build their rehearsal space and bar, my great-uncle is the oldest member of the band, my dad is a musician... My mum doesn’t know how to read music, or how to match a pitch, nor does she have any sense of rythm. But she loves music, and my childhood was filled with Beethoven, Mahler, Mozart, Eros Ramazotti, Andrea Bocelli, Pavarotti, amongst many more.

I started to study music at age 7. I was too young to start with an instrument, so I studied a first year of musical theory before they let me decide. Back then, the opera house of Valencia was just open, and there was a segment about it on TV every single day. The instrument I saw every day was the violin, so, of course, I wanted that. Because my dad was a member of a symphonic band, the violin was out of the question, but I was so stubborn that they let me pick the next best thing: the cello. I really struggled with it. I was a quick learner but my teacher didn’t let me go beyond what was recommended for my age. Then every other cellist in my music school left, and my grandmother told me the cello was the most useless instrument of all. Not having any famous role models (back then YouTube wasn’t very well known, and definitely censured in my house after they found out my best friend looked up dirty videos on it) or even role models in my everyday life, I wanted to quit. I started to play the saxophone (again, bribed by my family and a couple of friends) while I was deciding if I stopped with music altogether or just with the cello. As a last resort, my parents transferred me to a public music school in a city not too far away, where I had plenty of other cellists and other string musicians. I started orchestra lessons, then chamber music, then I got invited to play in other student orchestras during the holidays and suddenly I knew that was what I wanted to do in my life. I stopped making homework, but composed and played the piano instead. I played 2-3 hours a day, missed classes to go to concerts. I was set on being a professional musician.

After giving in to pressure from outside to have a back-up plan, I focused a bit more on high school, and, with top grades from the class in sciences, my grades dropped (a little bit) in music school. I graduated with very good marks, but I still decided to wait a year to focus on prepare auditions while I started something at university. That first year almost became the end of me. I got depressed, I had almost daily panic attacks, and after a little more than a month my mum figured out that stopping with music classes had caused such a big change on my life that I didn’t know how to go on. That year I started having serious bone and muscular problems that made me go to physiotherapy for 3 months. That was the moment when I had to give up my dream.

Since then, I’ve had panic attacks during rehearsals, I’ve played as a soloist, I’ve been first cello for 3 years in the orchestra where I spent my high school and university years, I’ve done small tours around the north of Spain and even premiered some pieces. By the beginning of lockdown I was involved in 3 different orchestral projects (two of them linked to a higher musical education institution) and my band, even though I was finishing Biochemistry.

Now I moved. Some of the best music professors in Europe are in Belgium, but I can’t find amateur orchestras or even symphonic bands to join. Like, not with a level to satisfy me after 12 years of musical education and 10 years of orchestral experience. I had my back-up cello (because MY cello stayed in Spain, waiting for me to come home and go to 1 or 2 rehearsals), which needed a lot of tending (basically, horrible strings). The first two weeks I didn’t play at all, because I cried every time I looked at it and remembered that my dearest instrument needs to go to the atelier before I can play on it again. Then I progressively started to play more and more, and now I was playing over 2 hours a day, studying technique and concerto’s by myself. Until I decided to change those horrible strings, and today, in the span of 15 minutes, two of my medium-good strings snapped (we suspect there’s a wood splinter somewhere). It sounds stupid, even more considering that I’m starting a Master’s degree in 15 days, but I kinda lost my purpose. The moment when I’d finished the dishes and the news was over, and I had the time to start and play was hard, and I always thought I didn’t have to do it. But the moment I started, I didn’t want to stop, and I always had to because my fingers were about to start bleeding, or because it was dinner time or something.

Now that’s gone (at least, until I find a decent atelier around here and they fix it). I can’t have that moment when I sit barefoot and with my eyes closed, playing El Cant dels Ocells and connecting with something bigger than myself, occasionally with some tears. Or the moment of triumph when that last scale was right or I got to 100% of an Allegro tempo.

I’ve spent half an hour listening to pasodobles, which are pieces usually written for wind bands to play on the street, and actually crying a bit. This is my past, my present, and I want to keep it in my future so badly. I never thought I’d miss something about my life back at home, not after the hellish last years I’ve had. But now I realise I miss having music everywhere, surrounding me. I miss being part of that. Of playing Shostakovich and feeling like we’re soldiers in the Russian Revolution, playing Tchaikovsky and trying to figure out what he wanted to explain, playing Elgar and actually mourning, playing Beethoven and feeling every feeling in the world, all at once.

There’s a saying about children and teenagers in my band. “He/She has musical notes in their veins”. I’ve heard it being said about so many people in my 22 years of life, including my brother and myself. I know this is stupid from a biological point of view, but I truly believe that music is a lifestyle, and, in my case, a lifesaver.

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lurafita · 5 years

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Obsession - Chapter 1

Read the prologue here: https://lurafita.tumblr.com/post/184483191964/obsession-prologe

Somebody please tell me how to properly embed the previous part here, please? I’m such a noob.

Thanks everyone who liked and reblogged the prologue, it really got me writing the first chapter way quick! Also, please tell me if this is missing specific tags.

Somebody also tell me how to tag people for the update? Do I just go like this: @itfeelssogoodmrstark @the-neon-demon ?

Obsession

Chapter 1

//Tony, this isn't a joke! You can't just slip away from the tower without any security! If you don't call me or Happy in the next ten minutes, I'm sending Natasha after you!//

Tony smirked as he read the text message Pepper, his personal assistant, had sent him. It wasn't so much that he enjoyed being hunted down by his head bodyguard and former Russian spy, Natasha Romanoff, but he simply wasn't the kind of person to organize a team of stiff security goons around him, just to get out of his tower for a bit.

Which was not to say that he didn't understand Pepper's worry. He was an important, powerful and influential man, who had rivals and enemies practically around every corner. While he certainly wasn't helpless, it wouldn't be the first time he had been kidnapped. And ever since Obadiah's betrayal... well, as stated before, Tony did understand Pepper's worry. Didn't change the fact that he didn't like having a fucking battalion of suits following his every movement, or telling him where he could or couldn't go. He had already fired a bunch of those who had tried. No one told Tony Stark what he could or couldn't do. It was possibly one of the reasons why he had promoted Natasha to the head position. The woman was terrifying in every way, but she never tried to limit Tony. She simply adapted to his whims. And today one of those whims had prompted him to put on a rather atrocious outfit, a wig that made it look like he was some kind of hippie, a cap and sunglasses, all of which combined made up the perfect disguise for him to roam the streets of New York undetected.

He hadn't actually planned to stay out too long, just find some hole in the wall, unobtrusive little diner and drink a cup of coffee (which in hindsight was a really bad idea, because clearly whatever this brown sludge was couldn't hold a candle to the high quality beans used in the coffee makers in his tower), when the conversation between the three people sat at the table on his right had drifted over to him.

At first he had felt annoyed; after all, he had chosen this pitiful little diner because it's unappealing location in a narrow alley way and over all unimpressive decor, was supposed to guarantee very few patrons. And therefore, a quiet little space for Tony to relax for a few minutes, before he had to go back to people shoving papers and contracts under his nose for him to read and sign and his phone ringing every damn five minutes. He had been about to leave, when he decided to at least take a quick glance at the people daring to disturb his little break.

They seemed to be around the same age, which Tony guessed to be early twenties. One rather heavyset young man, black hair, slightly darker skin tone, if pressed, the billionaire would put him down as part Filipino. A young black woman, curly hair, a serious expression on her face that kind of reminded Tony of Pepper. And then his eyes drifted to the third person at that table and he felt... something... shoot through him.

Pale skin peeked out from under a too big sweater, allowing just a glimpse at the collarbones leading up to the slender neck. Light pink lips that, while not overly plumb, looked invitingly lush. Short brown hair that was clearly unstyled, but just seemed to beg you to run your fingers through it's curls.

Soft brown eyes. Deep and bright. And so expressive, as the young man recounted what must have been a fascinating lecture by one of his professors to his two friends.

“Professor Conners studies of cross species genetics and their possible applications in modern medicine are mind blowing, guys. I'm so deliriously happy that I got into his class! He even said that there ...” And Tony couldn't look away. At only a first glance, the brunette looked plain. Unassuming. To someone like Tony Stark, who had bedded more super models than most people even allowed themselves to fantasize about, there should be nothing particularly outstanding about the younger man. And yet...

He was cute. Slightly boyish features, a bit of a baby face. But clearly an adult. Must be. Had to be.

He spoke with such enthusiasm, such passion. His voice just that side of a little higher pitched, but smooth, pleasant.

“...which is why we could possibly be lucky enough to get Doctor Octavious as a guest lecturer sometime this semester and...”

Intelligence and eagerness was pouring off the brunette. So excited by the prospect of learning more, widening his horizons, that his cheeks had taken on a light rosy hue. It was adorable.

“...and just think about what this could mean for trauma patients, or people waiting for a transplant...”

And so Tony ordered another cup of watered down mud, kept on ignoring the messages blowing up his phone, angled his body in a way that kept the younger man in his sight, without outright staring at him, and continued to listen.

The three covered a wide variety of topics, and Tony learned not only the brunettes name (Peter, the other man had called him at one point, and what a delightfully fitting name for the cute creature), but also that beside the sharp intellect, Peter possessed a snarky kind of humor, that had almost caused Tony to snort loudly a few times.

The disguised celebrity was on his third cup of what passed for coffee in the world of the pitiful, when the three were discussing a book that the woman – he hadn't bothered to memorize her name – was reading for her literature course.

“I'm not saying that I like Richard. I just don't think that he is the personification of evil that the book is painting him as.”

And even though Tony had no idea what the books plot even was about, he felt inclined to agree with Peter. Just on principle. The woman shook her head.

“Every oracle they have come across has pointed out the darkness residing in him. He clearly can't be trusted.”

Ah, so it was some kind of fantasy book? He hadn't known that colleges even used those. Then again, his education at MIT had mostly circled around all kinds of mechanical engineering and business, with a side of physics and a bit of chemistry. He had never really been into the liberal arts and the like, so what did he know?

“But that's just it! All they ever say about him is that he carries darkness in his soul. But does this automatically make him a bad man? I mean, if the darkness can be used and manipulated, then isn't it simply a matter of the person who wields it? Like, think of the darkness like a weapon. A gun in the hands of... a robber or something, could kill you. But a gun in the hands of a good guy, like a police officer or someone, could save your life.”

What a profound thing to say. Cute, smart, funny and thoughtful.

“And, is darkness even all that bad? I know it gets linked to evil a lot in stories, but really, I mean, how do I put this? Sometimes darkness can be.. comforting? Like, have you ever tried to sleep in a fully lit room? And sure, you are more likely to get robbed when it's dark out, but it's also a lot easier to hide or escape from someone if they can't see you. Know what I mean?”

It was like Peter was speaking directly to him. Because there had been a time, almost five years ago now, when Tony had thought that maybe, he could find love with Pepper. She had been with him for years. She was loyal, she was beautiful, she was his friend, and he trusted her. The attraction was reciprocated, and they had tried. Tony Stark’s first real relationship. The media had been in a frenzy over them, had hounded him more than usual, hoping that they would catch him straying. Wetting themselves over the chance that they might be the one to get the scoop of the playboy who couldn't stay faithful. Nothing sold better than a scandal.

But Tony hadn't cheated on Pepper, and it wasn't an act of betrayal that ended their relationship. “I'm sorry, Tony. But I can't do this anymore. It's not something you did, it's just... Remember that article a few months ago, - after we brought out the new military weapon series, - that questioned whether or not you had a heart? That article was bullshit and the person who wrote it is an ignorant fool. I believe you have a great capacity for love. But I don't think that I'm the one that... Sometimes, it feels like there is this darkness inside of you. And that scares me. I'm so sorry.”

They had stayed friends, and Tony knew, even if Pepper hadn't ended it that day, it wouldn't have worked out between them. But her words had stuck with him. 'There is this darkness inside you. And it scares me.'

He hadn't denied it. How could he, when it was nothing but the truth?

How many people had called him a warlord, because of Stark Industries weapons manufacturing? How often had he been accused of profiting off people dying? How often had he had to defend himself from his would be assailants, or his would be kidnappers, and not felt an ounce of mercy or regret, when he broke their bones or put bullets into their limbs? He knew well of the darkness he carried, and he had accepted (resigned himself) that this made him a bad man.

But now Peter, bright, enthusiastic, adorable Peter, was offering him an alternative. A second chance.

Darkness didn't have to be evil.

Yes, Stark Industries had made millions by designing and building weapons to use in wars. But it was those weapons that enabled their soldiers to protect and fight for the ideals of their country and the freedom of all.

It might be scary, but it could be comforting.

He had felt like a demon, avenging and ruthless, when he had finally hunted down Obadiah and ended him; but after that, he had held Pepper and been held by her, knowing that he had done what needed to be done, and that because of that, they were now safe.

It might harbor monsters inside itself, but it could also hide you from them.

He could remember running through the endless halls in his childhood home, his angry and drunk father screaming somewhere behind him, and slipping into a room, any room. Killing all the lights and crawling into a niche, or under a bed, or a couch, or a table. And his father, too drunk to find the light switch with his fumbling, unable to see him in the dark.

“I doubt Professor Wilson expects us to be this philosophical about it, Parker.”

The woman's voice so rudely interrupted Tony's introspection, and he wanted to yell at her to shut up. But he didn't. He wouldn't. She was Peter's friend. And while Tony carried darkness inside him, he was not a bad man.

He watched as Peter shrugged.

“You never know, MJ. Can't hurt to be-” That's when the young man caught a glance at the clock that hung on the opposite wall and his eyes widened in panic. “Shoot! It's almost six already?! I'm gonna be late!” He frantically grabbed his jacked and backpack and stood from the table. His Filipino friend shot him a concerned look.

“Think you gonna make it? Wasn't your boss really angry that last time you were late?”

Peter was rummaging in his jacket pocket and having found the few dollars in it, quickly laid them on the table to cover his tap. He nodded.

“Yeah, I will have to run, but it's not far. I should just make it. Skype later?”

His two friends nodded, and then Peter was off like a shot.

No. No no no no no. This was too fast. Peter couldn't just leave like this. He couldn't- his phone vibrated with what was undoubtedly another angry text from Pepper about bringing in Natasha. It helped clear Tony's head, though.

This wasn't a problem. Nothing was lost. Tony had listened to the three undergrad students long enough to deduce that they attended Berkeley College. He knew that Peter had signed up for all of Doctor Conners lectures.

And he now knew that Peter's last name was Parker.

He could find him now. It would be easy, with all the resources available to him. Child's-play.

So he breathed in deeply, and finished the last of his sludge. He laid some money on the table and stood. He had left a generous tip, because even though the coffee had been miserable, the company had been exquisite.

He took his phone out and finally answered Pepper's numerous messages, as he left the diner.

Tony Stark didn't believe in love at first sight.

He thought back to his escape from the tower, now almost 2 hours ago, and the time spent in the diner. He felt lighter than he had in a long time.

But he did believe in true love.

He remembered every detail of Peter that he had been able to gather. And he remembered that something that he had felt, when he first looked into his eyes.

And he did believe that sometimes, true love started with a something.

#starker #peter parker #tony stark #fanfic #obsession #dark!tony #Possessive!Tony #op lurafita

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pop-punklouis · 5 years

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hey hope!! i’ve completely run out of things to watch recently and was wonderinf if you had any recs of movies and tv shows??

HI!

It’s your lucky day because I have found myself in a hole of watching many new things lately that I’ve more or less found enjoyable so hopefully you will too? lol

1. Russian Doll: Nadia, a young woman who is on a journey to be the guest of honor at a party in New York City. But she gets caught in a mysterious loop as she repeatedly attends the same event and dies at the end of the night each time – only to awaken the next day unharmed as if nothing had happened.

(I know I’m late to the party with that one, but it is quite literally one of the best comedy-dramas I’ve seen in a long while, not to mention Natasha Lyonne, the ultimate babe, stars in it. It is, blatantly, obvious that the script was written by women (thank god) and it has a cool, mind-trip twist at the end that’ll have you guessing what actually was happening the entire time. Super easy to binge!! 10/10)

2. Perfume: When a woman is found murdered with scent glands excised from her body, a detective probes a group of friends who attended boarding school with her.

(A German mystery-crime-thriller that is way too convoluted and intertwined to know the real culprit of the grisly yet complex murders until the few minutes of the last episode. It has an incredibly intriguing script with intricate details and dialogue. Pleasantly surprised by how solid the entire storyline and characters were. TW though!! There are scenes of obscene sex, implied rape, domestic abuse, and sexual assault. So be careful if those things trigger you. Watching it in German with English subtitles is the way to go, though. Trust me.)

3. Handsome Devil: Two opposites, a loner and the top athlete become friends at a rugby-obsessed boarding school, and the authorities test their friendship.

(An irish coming-of-age LGBT film that, again, pleasantly surprised me with how well it was executed underneath the guise of an overly cliche storyline. It’s winning, compelling, and quite moving with how it tackles individuality in teens. It’s just a great film that takes tropes and turns them on their head by transforming the characters in their own way. Not to give too much away but the talk one of the boys have with the English professor on the rugby field at night is so, so important as an open dialogue.)

4. Dumplin’: The plus-size, teenage daughter of a former beauty queen signs up for her mum’s pageant as a protest that escalates when other contestants follow in her footsteps, revolutionising the pageant and their small Texas town.

(As you can probably guess this film is an emotionally-impactful conversation about self-acceptance that rides on the back of societal expectations of young women all tied together in a very heart-warming coming-of-age drama. Also there’s loads of Dolly Parton music. What else is there to say)

5. The Lobster: In a dystopian society, single people must find a mate within 45 days or be transformed into an animal of their choice.

(Isn’t a new watch, but I was reminded of it recently. Just an extended Black Mirror episode, pretty much. It’s odd. It’s bizarre. It’s engaging. It’s a lot of things, and they are great.)

6. Shirkers: In 1992 teenager Sandi Tan shoots Singapore’s first road movie with her enigmatic American mentor, Georges, who then absconded with all of the footage. The 16 mm film is recovered 20 years later, sending Tan, who is now a novelist living in Los Angeles, on a personal odyssey in search of Georges’ footprints.

(One of my favorite documentaries I’ve seen in a while, mainly because it doesn’t exactly feel like a documentary. It feels like you’re privvy to the incredibly frustrating, disheartening, and determined story of friendship, women-bound creativity, youth, and dishonesty when it comes to the mystery of where and why Georges disappeared. It’s also empowering in a way to see the transition of these young women reclaiming their lives after such betrayal.)

7. Grace & Frankie: For as long as they can recall, Grace and Frankie have been rivals. Their one-upmanship comes crashing to a halt, however, when they learn that their husbands have fallen in love with each other and want to get married. As everything around the ladies is coming apart, the only thing they can really rely on is each other.

(I’ve been living under a rock, sue me. This show is fanfuckingtastic. Just watch it. Just binge it. Just do it.)

8. Voyeur: Gay Talese investigates Gerald Foos, a Colorado motel owner who spies on his guests. Using a carefully constructed platform in the motel’s attic, Foos documents his guests most private moments, from the mundane to the shocking.

(Just a frustratingly and horrifyingly sad and strange recollection of two men who act as an incredibly interesting character study if nothing else. Recommend)

9. Some Freaks: A charming romance develops between a boy with one eye and an overweight girl, though when she loses her weight after going to college, their relationship is tested in devastating ways they never dreamed would happen.

(….. I still don’t know how I feel about this movie. I’ve watched it twice, once alone and once with a friend, and I’m still conflicted on my lasting thoughts about the film and its message. It’s definitely something I suggest watching, at least, to come to your own conclusions about how it made you feel. It’s just. uncomfortable in the strangest of ways, and I just need more people to converse about it with lmao)

10. The Kindergarten Teacher: A teacher sees such great promise in her 5-year-old student that she goes to unreasonable lengths to protect his talent.

(I watched this film on a whim one day while off from work, and I was pleasantly surprised by its depth and heartbreaking tendencies. This film does not evoke anything but unsettled feelings and yearning for both the young boy and the teacher. Many people tend to gloss over the fact that this film does so much more than its superficial narrative. it opens such a bigger conversation into what absence and neglect of personal creativity and art through someone’s marriage and family can cause them to in-turn have an unhealthy obsession with wanting to keep a child’s love/talent for art alive. Haunting but great film.)

11. Mr. Roosevelt: A struggling LA-based comedian goes home to Austin, Texas, when a family member becomes ill and finds herself in the awkward position of staying with her ex and his amazing new girlfriend.

(Friend found this hidden-gem on Netflix, and it’s such a quirky, comforting, easy-watch that I miss a lot in indie films. It’s progressive and weird in all the right ways, and it leaves you with a cozy feeling inside once the film reaches its end.)

12. Queer Eye Season 3

(You know the drill just more feel-good reality-television makeover that makes all of us a little bit happier about humanity’s ability to be kind)

13. Happy Anniversary: On their three-year anniversary, Molly and Sam are at a crossroads and need to decide whether to move forward or call it quits.

(Another hidden gem found on Netflix that I ended up thoroughly enjoying. It comes across as a real, genuine, non-exaggerated look at the inside of a couple’s relationship. It’s candid, fun, witty in dialogue, and heartwarming towards the end. I’ll admit I got a bit misty eyed at 1 AM lol also the dude who plays jean-ralphio is one of the mains so c’mon.)

14. Class Rank: When her class rank threatens her college plans, an ambitious teen convinces a nerdy peer to run for the school board to abolish the ranking system.

(Listen up, I watched this film because I was under the impression that it was going to be a b-rated teen film I could be amused by, but it ended up being a sorta cute story that I enjoyed a lot more than I probably should’ve RIP. Give it a shot).

15. Cam: A camgirl has her principles, until a mysterious woman who looks just like her takes over her channel.

(Don’t take the general critic review to heart and watch the film, yourself. It’s. a ride. It definitely gave me chills as much as it made me uncomfortable. A thriller with twists and uneasiness at every corner. Just a real creepy look into AI, especially in industries like the camgirl industry. I do want the girl’s play dungeon tho rip)

#hope you like at least a few of these!!#grey

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endorstoiii · 6 years

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todas as asks que não foram feitas

1:Full name.I don’t like to share my full name online so I just go with Marina Sakai (that’s enough).

2:Zodiac sign.Taurus

3:3 fears.cockroaches, drowning and burning to death.

4:3 things I love.Music, drawing, movies.

5:4 turn on’s.Music, people who are similar to me, trips and playing The Sims (how random is this?).

6:4 turn off’s.Stupid people, soccer, math and being obliged to do something I don’t want to.

7:My best friend?I don’t think I have one best friend only, I have a few close friends… you are one

8:Sexual orientation?Straight.

9:My best first date?hahaha lol

10:How tall am I?1,62cm I guess.

11:What do I miss?A very good friend I made on tumblr. For some reason she is gone :(

12:What time was I born?At 6:40 am or something.

13:Favorite color?Well I have a holy trinity of colors, but I’d say purple.

14:Do I have a crush?As long as band members exist, I will have a crush LMAO.15:Favorite quote?“My world is turning pages while I am just sitting here” - Kevin Parker, Apocalypse Dreams.

16:Favorite place?Paraty (beach).

18:Do I use sarcasm?Me? No, never.

20:First thing I notice in new person?

21:Shoe size?35 in Brazil too lazy to search it for other locations :p

23:Hair color?Black.

24: Favorite style of clothing?I don’t know, I like to mixture things.

25:Ever done a prank call?Not that I remember.

26:What color of underwear I’m wearing now?Yellow with lilac stripes

27:Meaning behind my URL?It’s a song by Tame Impala. Me + the lyrics = accuracy.

28:Favorite movie?Too hard… but let’s say it’s The Babadook.

29:Favorite song?TOO HARD, but hum… at the moment it is Stella Was A Diver And She Was Always Down by Interpol (which I’m listening to right now!!!) ((but also Leif Erikson and Tidal Wave and ughhhhh)).

30:Favorite band?Sorry, I cannot choose only one so here it goes my Holy Trinity: Tame Impala, Arctic Monkeys and Arcade Fire. But I am extremely obsessed with Interpol, so yeah.

31:How I feel right now?Shitty for having a week off and doing nothing.

33:My current relationship status.The same as always: single.

34:My relationship with my parents.It’s good with my mother, and ok with my father.

35:Favorite holiday.Festa junina because food.

36:Tattoos and piercing I have.None, yet.

39:Do I and my last ex hate each other?who?

40:Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night” texts?Sometimes good night from my mother and my ex sister-in-law.

41:Have I ever kissed the last person I texted?No.

42:When did I last hold hands?God… when I was a child, maybe, with my parents, to cross the streets lmao seriously I have no idea.

43:How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?The whole morning lol an hour at least.

44:Have I shaved my legs in the past three days?No. Call me disgusting.

45: Where am I right now?Dining room.

46:If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?This could only happen if I go out with my friends, none of them would go out to get drunk though hah but they would help me, I’m sure.47:Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?Mostly reasonable level, but you know sometimes you gotta turn it louder for that one part… other times, the whole song lol48:Do I live with my Mom and Dad?Yes.

49:Am I excited for anything?Some of my fave bands will release new stuff this year, so yeah. Also, MGMT are coming to play here and I hope to go!!!50:Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?No.51:How often do I wear a fake smile?70% of the time maybe.52:When was the last time I hugged someone?I hugged someone? I think it was 14 days ago because it was my friend’s birthday and I went to her house for a surprise party.

53:What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?I would feel nothing.

54:Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?I don’t think so.

55:What is something I disliked about today?The whole day, I spent it doing chores and I am dead now.

56:If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?Kevin Parker, love of my life. And many other band members.

57:What do I think about most?Music lol hum, I try to focus on my life, my future… but I can’t seem to succeed.

58:What’s my strangest talent?If I had one I can make 3 waves with my tongue, just like Daniel Radcliffe.

59:Do I have any strange phobias?I don’t know if they are strange, but I am afraid of dolls (automatonophobia) and trypophobia.

71:Do I spend money or save it?Save it… to spend it HAH (taurine with ascendant in Taurus).

72:Can I touch my nose with a tongue?Nope.

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me?Yes, there is a rose quartz, a pink tsuru (origami), a bed sheet, a sculpture of Our Lady of Aparecida, a small fake flower that my ex sister-in-law gifted my mom for Women’s Day.

74:Favorite animal?I also have a holy trinity for this lol: cats, elephants and deers (any kind).

75:What was I doing last night at 12 AM?Massaging my mom’s feet cause I’m a good daughter.

76:What do I think Satan’s last name is?Devicari LMAO ok this is an internal joke with my friends

77:What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?Signs of Life by Arcade Fire78:How can you win my heart? Buy me concert tickets and food.

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?Embrace disgrace. I have just decided this haha I like the word embrace and I always say disgrace, in English, to my sister. And these two words rhyme lol80:What is my favorite word?In Portuguese, it probably is saudade because of the feeling, but there are some others that I like the pronounce, not necessarily the meaning (like resiliência, recíproco, melancolia), and I chose it by the meaning. There’s also eita, which is a perfect word, omg, I don’t know what I would do without this word. In English, one of them is embrace as I said above. But by the pronounce, it is vortex in British accent. Good af. 81:My top 5 blogs on tumblr?OH MAN, I don’t have fav blogs, I have fav people! So this is the criterion to choose. This is not in order. I AM SO SORRY1. @warpaint-impala2. @14thandeuclid3. @sastrugie4. @roger-sultrey5. @streetofthoughtinallyourbones (this one is inactive, unfortunately, but there’s so much gold in there!!!) ((she is @ourblogtoadmire))

82:If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?hahah… hum… I would say @ all the band members who destroyed my life how much I love them. As everybody in the world is listening to me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

83:Do I have any relatives in jail?Not that I know.

84:I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?Mental power, just like Professor Xavier, but with telekinesis too. Oh, and being able to fly.

85:What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?Hum, I can only think of “y/n” type of question, which would be very obvious… so I guess the question would be “what would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?” LOL

86:What is my current desktop picture?The best gig of my life, aka Tame Impala. For some reason I can’t add the picture here :/ so I’ll post it later separately.

87:Had sex?what is it?

88:Bought condoms?lol

89:Gotten pregnant?When seeing some certain pictures? Oh hell yes!

90:Failed a class?Yep, Chemistry classes mostly. I may have missed some classes, but my shitty teacher could never be patient and a good professional so I could never really learn a thing.

91:Kissed a boy?Unfortunately yes (not because he’s a boy, but because it was bad as fuck).

92:Kissed a girl?Nope.

93:Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?No.

94:Had job?Yes, I’ve already been an English teacher for kids (imagine how dumb these kids became when they had classes with me lmao I’m sorry girls)

95:Left the house without my wallet?No, never.

96:Bullied someone on the Internet?No.

97:Had sex in public?lmao what does sex mean?

98:Played on a sports team?Yes, I used to play handball at school.

99:Smoked weed?No.

100:Did drugs?No.

102:Drank alcohol?Yes, today. But I never went out to drink, neither had a single alcoholic drink only for me.

103:Am I a vegetarian/vegan?Nope.

104:Been overweight?No. I mean, never been in an unhealthy way.

105:Been underweight?Possibly when I was a child and had anemia.

106:Been to a wedding?Yes, the last one was on April 2017. It was my friend’s sister wedding.

107:Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?I think so, playing The Sims lol I love this game.

108:Watched TV for 5 hours straight?Probably… I’m not sure.

109:Been outside my home country?No :( (not yet!)

110:Gotten my heart broken?Yes because my fave band members havE GIRLFRIENDS!!! Ok, hum, I have had my heart broken by a “real person” once (and only time). But this person is one of the best people I have ever met and my heart was broken because we could never fit; he is not a bad person at all, we just are from different realities.

111:Been to a professional sports game?No.

112:Broken a bone?No.

113:Cut myself?Yes, once.

114:Been to prom?No.

115:Been in airplane?Yes, a long time ago, and I don’t remember how many times. Maybe 2 or 3.

116: Fly by helicopter?No, but I want to!

117:What concerts have I been to?I have a list of it here! I have seen some native bands too, which were pretty cool.118:Had a crush on someone of the same sex?Not a crush properly, but a little attraction.

119:Learned another language?Yes, English. But I want to learn others, like Japanese and Russian!

120:Wore make up?For weddings, graduation and this kind of event. And sometimes to go out, but very, very simple.

121:Lost my virginity before I was 18?LMAO

122:Had oral sex?why so many questions about sex? I still don’t know what this mean!!!

123:Dyed my hair?Never, but I’d like to.

124:Voted in a presidential election?My first time will be this year, in October. And I have no idea in who to vote!!! :)

125:Rode in an ambulance?No.

126:Had a surgery?No.

127:Met someone famous?I didn’t meet him, but I once went to an event and Beakman (from Beakman’s World) was there… but this is just like seeing a band live: you only see them, you don’t meet them.128:Stalked someone on a social network?Hahahahah hell yes

129:Peed outside?Outside what? In public, like, in the street? In a bush? No, never!

130:Been fishing?Yes, twice.

131:Helped with charity?Yes.

132:Been rejected by a crush?I had only one crush and he didn’t reject me, neither accepted.

133:Broken a mirror?Yes.

134:What do I want for birthday?My birthday was exactly 14 days ago I wanted a new pair of sneakers, and also money for gigs.

135:How many kids do I want and what will be their names?If I have a good financial condition, I want two. If not, only one. I don’t think too much about names, but can you believe I thought of it earlier today? Yes! Male names I like are Julian and Edwin. And female, Elizabeth/Elise, Amélia/Amelie (just like I said here) and also Helena.

136:Was I named after anyone?No, my grandfather suggested this name for me and my mom liked it.

137:Do I like my handwriting?Not anymore. It is really ugly now, it used to be better.

138:What was my favorite toy as a child?Barbie dolls, always.

139:Favorite TV Show?Decora. It’s a Brazilian tv show about renovating and decorating rooms.

140:Where do I want to live when older?Perth, Australia (thanks Tame Impala for destroying my life).

141:Play any musical instrument?Unfortunately not, and I hate this!!! I really, reaaaally want to play some! Hopefully I will in the future.

142:One of my scars, how did I get it?I have two scars on my right arm. My sister really wanted the tv control I was holding… yeah, she tried to get it from my hands and scratched my arm.

143:Favorite pizza topping?K E T C H U P! LMAO SO PAULISTAN

144:Am I afraid of the dark?No.

145:Am I afraid of heights?Yes.

146:Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?Yeah, I remember once when I left the laundry room (I was alone there) and I didn’t hold the door, so it shut and it was loud, and I said it was my brother’s fault, though he wasn’t even there. My mom was getting in the laundry room and she saw it all. LOL.147:Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?Always? lol hum, yes, it happens a lot.

148:What I’m really bad at.Everything. Ok, hum, I would say that I am really bad at being positive.

149:What my greatest achievements are.Seeing my Holy Trinity live; saving the life of some pets (my last dog and the three current cats I have) and I don’t know what else.

150:The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me.basically everything my father says to me hum my father used to call me useless a lot of times.

151:What I’d do if I won in a lottery.Help my family, move to Perth and try my life in there.

152:What do I like about myself?Nothing…………….-my music taste, and the fact that I am an open minded person.

153:My closest Tumblr friend.you (@warpaint-impala).

154:Something I fantasies about.LMAOOOOOOOOOO sorry but nope hah

155:Any question you’d like - would you read my text?Yes, I will read it.

Glenda, muito obrigada, mas nunca mais faça eu responder todas as perguntas. Por favor. Te amo

#this was the first time I had to answer ALL the questions #it took me two days to finish it lol #but well ok that's the price I pay isn't it?#my post

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lids-flutter-open · 6 years

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a thing i wrote for the rabbi in preparation for finishing my conversion

1. How did you get to be sitting here today - tell me your story, how you learned to love Judaism, why you aren't x-tan anymore

I grew up in Olympia, Washington. My mother was "spiritual" but not specifically religious, and took us to a Unitarian Universalist church. I think this was a good experience for me, because it connected time in church ("church") to time talking about social justice concerns, and to caring about other people in a concentrated way. The UU church fed people at a shelter and raised money for environmental causes. I think it informed my principles as a person, even though my mother stopped taking us after a while. My father, whose mother was fairly fervently Methodist, didn't like religion. As a child, I associated religion proper--the kind of Christianity that other people did, for instance--with being asked to believe in something that was impossible, and the moral logic of religion, and especially Christianity as my grandmother knew it, didn't make a lot of sense to me. I was without any kind of religion throughout high school. I often felt depressed and anxious; I was gay and trans, and even after my parents began supporting me, many of my friends faced bullying, homelessness, mental health crises, and abuse. As I learned more about war, iniquity, and imperialism, I often felt like the world as it existed was beyond help, and that too many people suffered for the world to have any order. During that time, as I participated in LGBT groups around my town, I met some friends who were Jewish and coming into what that meant to them. I had really interesting conversations around Jewish ideas of God and morality with my friend Levi, who had grown up in a very racist town in Nevada and who embraced the idea of an all-knowing God who at the same time was mysteriously and frustratingly absent and who one had to both believe in and be angry at. In college, I took a class on European Jewish literature since the 1800s and read a lot of literature (from Gluckel von Hameln to Irene Nemirovsky and Stefan Zweig and Marx and Freud) accompanied by the analysis of a very gay older professor who tried very hard to keep his analysis secular while giving us religious concepts to provide context for the significance of writers' desperation, alienation, and struggle. A central idea that stuck with me from that class was the paradox of a God who has issued laws which everyone must follow for the salvation of the world even though nobody is sure exactly how to follow them. It combined the comforting and somewhat idealistic certainty that there was a plan with the sensible conclusion that, based on the chaos and horror extant in the world today, nobody was enforcing that plan and for practical purposes humanity was on its own to solve its problems. I also was fascinated that the ideas of Marx, and the ideas of many of the people who tried to formulate socialist states from the ruins of monarchies in the early 20th century, were influenced by the Jewish messianic tradition and were part of the idea that people themselves could bring on the dawn of the ultimate, perfect era of life on Earth if we only worked together and worked hard enough. It's romantic, but I pictured Jewish socialists motorcycling across the Russian steppe (as indeed they did, when carrying news during the 1918 crisis), imagining that their work might fix what everyone else had gotten wrong. I like Judaism because it recognizes humanity's messiness and mistakes, including prophets. It notes the arguments people have had, the different views people take, the times people have seriously messed up and faced consequences for it, the times people have seriously messed up and faced no consequences. It is concerned with bodies and matter and daily practice more than with immortal souls, but also speaks about souls and love and hope. It remembers, and it watches, and it hopes for the day where the word of G-D becomes something real--something explicitly material--, and tries to work for it, but admits that there may or may not be a clear path to get there. At the same time, it motivates me to do work in the world directed outwards, toward helping people. 2. Tell me about God / spirituality / prayer. What does that all mean to you?

I like thinking of God as the connection that exists between people, and anything good, but also as something boundless, beyond good and evil, and utterly incomprehensible to human identity, morality, etc. God is in the wonder of a wave crashing down on the sand. God is the potential for good things to happen because God is the potential for anything to happen, and when someone is a human, the best potential is that humans can come together and fix something, or figure out a way to care for each other better. Prayer is also being glad to be alive, to see candles or smell smoke or feel one's arms working in the morning. I pray because I believe there's some way to tap into that sort of divine similarity I have with all other beings and all other matter and make something happen that's good. I also think there is a lot to be said for the way Jewish prayer emphasizes sensual pleasure and simple appreciation of one's material body and material existence. I think God is a way for me to understand all bodies as good, for all experiences of bodies to be divine, even if they are painful.

3. What are some meaningful Jewish rituals / practices that you do and why are they important to you?

I observe Shabbat by avoiding grocery shopping, laundry, and travel on that day, and by trying to spend time with friends. I attend services on Friday nights and some Saturday mornings at CBE. In the last year, I have also observed the Jewish holidays of Shavuot, Tisha b'Av, Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Sukkot, Simchat Torah, Hannukah, Purim and Pesach. On Rosh Hashanah, I made food for my friends, including two new friends from my synagogue, even though my apartment is pretty small, and tried to incorporate foods traditional to the new year like apples and honey, round challah, and other foods. I observed Tisha b'Av and Yom Kippur by fasting, and throughout the month of Elul I thought a lot about the things in my life I wanted to change and about calamities I wanted to do something to prevent or to help people recover from. I read a book recommended by Rabbi Katz (This is Real and You're Completely Unprepared by Alan Lew) in order to better approach the holiday from a mindset of introspection and reconciliation with the parts of myself I wanted to leave behind. I also took a new appreciation of the themes of Elul and Yom Kippur with me as I rewatched Angels in America, which deals a lot in Jewish reconciliation, forgiveness, and death. On Hannukah I went to friends' houses in order to eat latkes and other oily foods and also engaged in conversations about the dubious victory of the Maccabees/when a revolution becomes a repressive regime. On Purim I went to party and attended services, and thought about what it means to survive something terrible and what it means to ask for revenge or to make up a story where you get revenge, and what the difference is. On Passover I was with friends in 2017 and 2018, talking about freedom, human trafficking, refugees, motherhood and reproductive freedom, and a list of other issues that seem more relevant every year. In 2018 I also learned songs, both traditional and more recent. In terms of everyday rituals: I try to give to people who ask for things. I try to care for people in my life who I value. I try to think critically and to better myself and to improve the world. I try to criticize tyrants. I try to be thankful for my body. I try to forgive people, and also to think carefully about when someone deserves forgiveness. I try to rigorously evaluate my standards for living a decent life and see if they are good enough. I try to remember history. I think about how the lessons of Torah relate to my life and what wisdom that text contains that I can apply to my life and sometimes make Spotify playlists related to books of the Torah. I try to read the weekly parsha and think about it critically. I read feminist books about Judaism and read fiction by Jewish authors. 4. What do you still want to learn / read about when you are Jewish?

I want to learn Hebrew so I can comfortably read in services in either language. I want to learn more about the history of Jewish people in the United States and around the world, because even as I learn more there is still a lot I have missed out on.

5. What Hebrew name are you thinking of having? And Why? Zev as a biblical name originates from a reference to Benjamin, who is called "a wolf that raveneth". The text refers to Benjamin-as-wolf killing prey in the morning and dividing spoils in evening. But there isn't much reference to whether Benjamin actually ever does any killing, though he gave rise to the line that included Ehud, Saul and, supposedly, Mordecai. Some consider the term "ravenous Wolf" not to refer to war at all but to refer to Temple sacrifices. Benjamin is known in rabbinic tradition as being a uniquely upstanding, sin-free person, and is also notable for being the youngest son of Rachel, and the last child of Jacob. When I was considering names for myself as a fifteen-year-old after coming out as trans, I considered Benjamin (on the advice of my therapist!) because of Rachel trying to name Benjamin Benoni after her pain and death, but failing. The name represented a triumph above origin while also presenting a puzzle because the actual etymology of the name is contested--it means son of days, son of the south, etc etc. But I didn't choose Benjamin as a name then, and I don't want to choose it now, because it's too full of a story and too precise. I like Zev because, though it's technically an allusion to this character, it also just means Wolf. I like that there are aspects of Benjamin's life I could step into, but don't want to draw parallels between myself and a biblical character every time I say my name. I like wolves, and have since I was a child, because they are both powerful and dangerous but also care for one another. Researchers studying wolves have found that in the wild they are far more communal and less aggressive toward each other than they are in captivity or under stress. I think that the protective powers of the wolf, and also the familial bonds between wolves, is something I want to emulate. I want to step into a different aspect of the name than Zev Jabotinsky, whose militancy and ferocity I think are antithetical to building an enduring, peaceful, prosperous future for humanity and other species on this planet.

#judaism #conversion #jewish conversion #text/#religion/

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seoulfulcity · 6 years

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July 29, 2018: As the Sun Sets - The Final Golden Hours

I like to think of this trip as parts of the day: sunrise, day, golden hour, and sunset.

The dawn of our trip began in the Middle Kingdom and its territories where the first golden rays of the sunrise peeked through our windows from behind the mountains, greeting us a wonderful morning 🌅

The Land of the Rising Sun then welcomed us to a bright sunny day throughout, where mornings were cloudy and chilly and afternoon skies were clear and endless 🌞

The golden hour reached us in Seoul, where time seemed to have stopped letting us marvel the beauty of our environment and experience. The golden hour is the most beautiful time of the day where the sun showcases its utmost beauty before night falls. The golden hour is my favorite part of the day - and it's better experienced with friends you meet throughout the day. 🌄

As we approach the sunset, there is a sudden realization how quickly the day went. From sunrise to sunset, we were just surrounded by beauty, and even though we all wish the golden hour lasted just a little longer, we were very content on all the experiences we've had and all the memories we've created throughout the day. 🌃

Our golden hour in Seoul is coming to an end, and now we try to make the most of our final sunsets together.

As the sun sets, we thank each other for being part of a beautiful day and wish that we would get to relive everything once again - some other day.

This next four blogs are about our last week in Seoul - full of bittersweet farewells as we all head back to spend the rest of the night where we are most comfortable - our homes.

안녕하세요,

Sunday, July 29, 2018: I was against studying for my oral final for my Korean class when I got back to my dorm from Busan, but I needed to practice so that was all I did until night fell, when the group planned to meet at Chunja.

Valentino notified the group about missing American foods, so the Americans met up in front of Frontier, without Matt who was probably broke sleeping at that time again, and walked to McDonald's while talking about American foods that we missed: greasy pizzas, Costco hotdogs, and authentic McNuggets. Valentino, Cara, Peter, Jordan, and I planned to catch up with our American foods when we get back home - I do love the Korean food in my Anam home, but I really just wanted a simple pepperoni pizza in lieu of kimchi, bulgogi, or potato pizza; though, I finally tried the Bulgogi McBurger, which made me miss the McDonald's in America even more. After our quick trip to America, we walked to Chunja to introduce the newcomer, Peter, to our 20+ soju-bottle Chunja nights.

We got the usual pitcher with syrup (lemon, strawberry, yogurt, melon, etc), mixed it with tonic water and soju and stirred the masterpiece that was going to be emptied within minutes. We took a quick starter shot to start the night in which Peter gasped.

"This is dangerous", the newcomer finally realized why we always end our nights in Chunja with more than 20 bottles - the concoctions were too delicious.

The usual drinkers came and initially took up three tables - Wendelyn, Florence, Valentino, Cara, Jordan, Thai, Joyce, Lina, Salli, Peter, and two of Florence's friends, Huixin and Doona and we ordered Corn Chicken, all of our personal favorite, to start the night.

We played more American drinking games than Korean games this time:

The Rock, Paper, Scissors game - people who don't have a match take a shot

Ah Sa No No - the person starting the game points at two people and the game continues with two people continuing to pick other people and the person who messes the rhythm takes a shot

Game of Death - one of my personal favorites where everybody points at two people at the same time and play the "bang" game. Whoever gets shot at after both their hands were down, takes a shot.

Noonchi (눈치) - a popular Korean game where the people participating stand and count in sequential order. The goal is to stand and shout a number without anybody else doing it with you (or you and the person/s take a shot). The last person to say the final number also takes a shot.

King's Cup, Ride the Bus - typical American games.

On the table next to us, Joyce and the other group were playing their own card games when Joyce lost and screamed. The Koreans across Chunja screamed to mimic her for fun, which led to another group of Korean students next to them screaming. The guys on the other corner of Chunja joined in the fun and screamed, and at some point, the entire Chunja had people screaming which made Joyce and our table laugh with how random and eventful that was.

Drunk Koreans are my favorite. The group of Koreans drinking next to us started talking to us and joining our table - two of them spoke with an American accent saying they're from San Francisco (Jason) and Austin (I didn't catch his name), which I called Jordan over to talk to the guy from Austin, since he's from Austin himself.

Valentino wanted to eat more McDonald's, so he, Florence, and Peter left to get himself and us staying in Chunja some fries to eat with our soju and maekju (맥주). The Chunja night ended with 17 soju bottles (disappointing, I know), though my night did not end since Salli, Peter, and I went to Chicken Bus to eat, you've guessed it, chicken! Salli offered to pay for our company, so I was more than excited to come. Peter was very tipsy (borderline drunk even), but he claimed that he was fine - no he wasn't. He vomited in the small trash bin on our table and slept just to wake up to randomly rap Blackpink's "Ddu-Du Ddu-Du" and dance to Twice's "Heartshaker".

Jordan offered to get the bigger trash bin just by the counter behind us, but he knocked it over and spilled all the trash on the ground - I believed the patrons in Chicken Bus thought we were all drunk.

Monday, July 30, 2018: Meteor Garden was finally on Korean Netflix, so I stayed in to binge watch the episodes. KU ISC also emailed us the Google Doc to sign up for graduation, which I did and was surprised that we even have to since I thought it was a given that everybody would be attending. As fall semester was getting closer, I started planning what my elective classes to take - whether or not to start studying Chinese or continue studying Japanese, in which Andrea from my Korean class commented on the Instagram poll with "你得学中文。中文很有意思/Ni de xue zhongwen. Zhongwen hen youyisi." (You have to study Chinese. Chinese is fun), although more people voted for me to continue studying Japanese.

KU ISC emailed us a reminder of the video shoot that we signed up for last week and promised us free pizza and chicken. I sent the link to the group chat, and Valentino, Matt, Florence, Joyce, Jordan, and Minki-hyung (민기형) signed up fast (for the free food of course).

Before my Korean class started at 4:50 PM, I wanted to eat at the Cup Bibimbap place again, where Matt burned is mouth; this was the moment I realize this was first time I was eating on my own. Usually, I would post on the group that I would go out for a quick bite, and more than five people would come join me - but not today. It was a foreign feeling being alone in Anam.

I arrived to Woodang's Park Jong Koo's Lounge at the first floor to keep practicing for my oral exam, in which we talked about our daily Korean life and end the speech with a question and answer from the class.

Sophie messaged the group chat asking if people have read her farewell letter that was being passed around. Florence messaged me the pictures after saying I still haven't got a hold of Sophie's letter - sigh I miss Sophie. Korean class started and I was the last one to give my (horrendous) speech for the day.

After the class, we met up at the lounge again for the video shoot that Minjae (민재) invited me and Salli to be part of the week prior. The staff was surprised with how many people showed up - I supposed the sign up link wasn't meant to be shared around.

Florence, Joyce, Matt, Jordan, I, and the rest of the group were led to the Business School Main Building to film a lecture class on Neuropsychology where the professor talked about sunglasses that blocked the lights that stops the production of melatonin to fix insomnia and jet lag. Valentino did not end up showing up, but Minki-hyung (민기형) arrived late wearing a baggy shirt, a short, and flip-flops, but was later escorted out saying it was for KUISC students only.

He was upset in the group chat and decided to eat out on his own - Florence, Joyce, Matt, and I were laughing.

We were told to transfer to another lecture for two more lectures before being fed with pizza and chicken. We sat through a quantum mechanics and sociology infused lecture with the first one talking about hard and soft skills as investments to yield a revenue (whatever that meant). The final lecture was on optimization and business analytics. Maite and I were chosen to ask a question in front of the camera, but we both knew nothing about business analytics; so by the time we were asked if we were ready to ask the questions, a guy sitting next to Joyce (who people were saying was a celebrity) asked the professor a question full of business terms that I became lost after the first word.

After the lectures, we went to Dongwon Global Leadership Hall for our food - which was lacking in number since there were more people who came than planned (Thanks to me!). The staff asked us they could order more pizza and chicken if we were willing to wait half an hour more, which we gladly yelled "Yes!".

We received a Domino's pizza box with Park Seojoon's face plastered on it, a box of fried chicken, and a 2L soda. Each box had different toppings and we ended up with potato-topped pizza, so we walked around and grabbed a slice from each table: cheese, pepperoni, etc.

Balzhan, my Kazakh friend from my Korean class, joined us and we had Matt, Florence, and I read common greetings in Russian, for which Balzhan was laughing hard with how bad our accents were.

After the dinner, I went to sleep at 9 PM - the first time since I arrived in South Korea.

Tuesday, July 31, 2018: I woke up at 3 AM and texted the group chat that I couldn't sleep at 4:49 AM. To my surprise, Florence, Matt, and Thai were awake. Both Thai and Florence were studying for finals and Thai was doing laundry but the dryers didn't work from 2 AM to 6 AM, so he planned to stay up until then. Matt, on the other hand, was "reflecting on life".

I didn't get to sleep until 7 AM and woke up at 1 PM. I was planning to crash Florence, Erin, Valentino, Peter, and Cindy's Mass Media class today to see Peter's video project, that he had stayed up all night to work on even across the country in Busan; but the sun was blazing and it took me a while to get out of bed, so I did not end up attending.

I started to crave bibim-naengmyeon by 4 PM, so I ended up trying out the naengmyeon in front of the back entrance of Korea University, called Kamjatang Soondaeguk Naengmyeon (감자탕 순대국 냉면) before heading off to my Korean class to sit through the last nine oral presentations. Before finishing my bibim-naengmyeon, Valentino messages the group chat asking who wanted to eat fried chicken with him since he did not want to go alone, so I obliged and told him to meet me at the back entrance of the campus after his class. I did not want to sit through nine presentations, so I sat down Chicken and Hof with Valentino and told my Korean class group chat that I was napping and to message me when they go on break so I could sneak in.

Valentino ordered fried chicken, fries, and beer and talked about the dreaded weekend when everybody finally separates.

At 5:42 PM, my Korean class went on break and I ran to class and surprised my professor for being present (I skipped my class a lot). After the class, I spontaneously decided to go to SMTown at COEX Mall and Myeongdong to buy NCT 2018's album Empathy and iKON's Return. I could not wait until August 2 to buy iKON's new EP called Continue and wanted to get my hands on Return that day.

While taking Line 2 to Samseong Station, we passed by the Han River before entering Gangnam, which I was greeted by the beautiful Seoul sunset.

Samseong Station was plastered with posters and electronic billboards of idols - from Wanna One and Blackpink to those dedicated solely to Taemin and Kang Daniel. The entire Digital Media City Tunnel had Kang Daniel's face on ever corner.

I went in the SMTown Museum gift shop to purchase NCT 2018's Empathy, my first ever K-Pop album, while being tempted to buy the Taeyong and Ten's "Baby Don't Stop" T-Money for ₩4,000, which was very cheap since Myeongdong sells them for ₩10,000. I expected the SMTown gift shop to increase the prices, but I soon realized that I was wrong since Myeongdong was selling the same NCT 2018 album for ₩5,000 more. I did not end up buying iKON's Return because it was more expensive than Myeongdong's NCT 2018 price, so I settled going home with Empathy only. I roamed around Myeongdong alone for the rest of the humid night, taking a good look at everything before leaving knowing that would be the final time I stepped foot in my favorite area in Seoul.

I went home to study for my Korean finals for the next day - we were going to have a one-on-one oral exam partner with my professor and the written final. I was assigned with Balzhan and were given three scenarios to role play with (restaurant, supermarket, and making appointments). Though, I did not end up studying because I had popcorn and orange-flavored soju on my side and finished them instead.

Thai invited the group chat for some chicken delivery, in which the chat came alive with invites to go to the women's Frontier rooms with Lina or the 24-hour study rooms in the library with Florence and Wendelyn. Minki-hyung (민기형) asked the group if he bought chicken, would everybody gather together and enjoy them with him - Matt woke up to respond "Ya ill come".

In the end, it was late in the night and everybody was studying. My study session got more exciting when my phone lit up with a message from Peter at 1:36 AM:

I did not even understand what was going on, but I got up and changed out of my pajamas and ran downstairs outside Frontier where Darren, Peter, and Angela were sitting by the stairs and Grant was sitting alone across from us.

I hated Peter for getting my thirsty self down from my desk to outside with them within one minute, but we sat and talked until 3 AM about our plans after leaving South Korea. The three of them were going to Hong Kong together before Darren goes back to Los Angeles and Angela to Nebraska. Peter planned to fly back to his home in Beijing first and stay there for three weeks before going back to New York just in time for classes to start. Peter was going to have the room for himself that night since Grant left Frontier and climbed down the stairs into Anam.

Wednesday, August 1, 2018: It was the day of our written and one-on-one oral exams for Korean and I was assigned to Balzhan as partners to do the one-on-one role play together. We met in front of Frontier at 1 PM and headed out to Starbucks just across the intersection. On the way, we bumped into Erin and Minki-hyung (민기형), who was carrying a heavy parcel, which Erin said was forty of SF9's new EP, Sensuous. Erin was trying to win a meet and greet ticket to meet her favorite boy group - and she asked Minki-hyung (민기형) to help her carry the box up the Frontier and CJ International hills.

My Weather app said it felt like 111 degrees that Wednesday and I did no want to cross the intersection to Starbucks, so Balzhan and I settled for the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf just before the intersection where we worked on a script for all three scenarios for our role play.

Our Korean professor gave us three scenarios: ordering at a restaurant, shopping at a market, and making plans and appointments with our friends. She would give us one scenario and we have to act it while using the appropriate grammar rules and vocabulary of the designated units.

After writing and rehearsing, we agreed to eat brunch and I introduced her to the naengmyeon place Matt, Valentino, and I always eat at. Balzhan and I talked for a while, where she introduced me to Q-Pop, or Qazaq Pop, and also told me she wanted to start hanging out with Darren before he leaves back to Los Angeles.

I texted Peter as soon as she said it, and we both agreed to have her come along with us to Hongdae that night.

After eating naengmyeon, we headed to Park Jong Koo Lounge at Woodang Hall just until class starts to practice and study, when our phones buzzed at the same time showing an emergency warning regarding the heat in Seoul.

At Woodang Hall, we met with Teresa, Harley, and Rachel who were all studying and practicing for the Korean exams at the Aricafe in the first floor of the Media Hall, just one stairway across from Woodang Hall. Salli, Peter, Darren, and Angela joined us soon after.

On Instagram, Bonnie posted a story with a picture of NCT's Winwin on her T-Money card asking who he was and why he was on her card - I replied to her in all capital letters that I wanted that card.

Korean finals started on time and it was the oral exam first. Salli and Peter were two classrooms away from us and were partners for their own role play. Balzhan and I were fifth in line and somehow made it out alive after our professor gave us confusing instructions about our supermarket scenario in Korean.

Side note: I forgot what eraser and pencil case were, so that was an interesting part of the exam.

After the oral exam came the written, then we were done with the class. Our professor reminded us that there would be a fun and interesting final class tomorrow just before graduation, which I planned not to attend. The lecture was supposed to be about dialects and slang.

I went back to Frontier, showered, and changed before meeting with Peter, Cindy, Darren, Angela, and Balzhan to head out to Hongdae. We had Darren and Balzhan walk together in front of us throughout the subway ride there. I actually dropped my Rilakkuma T-Money card on the way. Sad, I know. I got that card back in May when I met with Terri and her friend Julie at Hongdae. That T-Money had a lot of stories of my time in Seoul, but I bought a new one - a cute pink shiba.

Upon arriving at Hongdae, we did not know where to eat so we settled with a kimbap restaurant Hahwetown (하회마을), which attracted our attention for having different options in their menu.

It was not a good experience though, the food was below mediocre (Peter ordered ramen and he actually got cup noodles kind of ramen).

When we left the restaurant, we bumped into Florence, Minki-hyung (민기형), Valentino, Lina, Jon, Leonard, Joyce, and Cara before we separated so they could eat food.

Peter, Cindy, and Angela wanted to shop around for clothes and souvenirs, so we stopped by multiple locations, such as Artbox, Playground Store, and Space Morris where I ended up purchasing quite a few clothes. At the Playground Store, I noticed how similar Korean clothes are, besides the whole random English words written at the front and random pictures of Pasadena, San Francisco, Tokyo, and Los Angeles at the back. English words can range from "Alaska Whales", "Paragraph", "Cheese", and "Babylonian", to full on receipt of a pizza order, instructions on how to use a washing machine, or the Wikipedia Table of Contents page on Cuba and its 15 provinces.

Korean clothes seemed to also have random minimalist images or short English words sewn on the left side of the chest.

After shopping, we went back to Hongik University Station and, once again, bumped into the rest of the group (in addition to Pong, who joined the group after touring her parents around Seoul). We all took the subway back to Anam together and headed to Chunja for another drinking night - Salli joined us later in the night.

We played the usual games of A Sa No-No, Fuck You, King's Cup, and Game of Death, with a few new games: Five-Ten and Six Shooter.

Five-Ten - it's a Chinese game of math. The players hold out both hands and can open one hand (5 fingers), both hands (10 fingers), or none (0 fingers). The goal of the game is for the main person to correctly guess the number of fingers open. If they guess it right, everybody drinks.

Six Shooter - My new favorite game. Two people compete, each with six shot glasses in front of them: 3 water and 2 soju. One person turns around while the opponent scrambles the shot glasses so the person does not know which ones are water and which ones are soju and vice versa. Starting from the right shot glass, the goal is to finish all six shots first, loser chugs a whole mug of beer.

Cara and Salli competed against each other, while Valentino made Jon chug a whole mug of beer. I also participated, but I don't remember who I was against (was it Peter? Darren?) - all I remember is that I won.

One of the culture shocks I had in Seoul is how everybody knows the choreography to any K-Pop song playing, especially Blackpink's new song "Ddu-Du Ddu-Du". Every time it plays, the people would always stop what they're doing to dance to the chorus.

"Hit you with that ddu-du ddu-du du", as the song played in Chunja, all five people on the table across from us started dancing, and it was one of the things that made me realize that I would never see these in bars in Los Angeles. It would feel different drinking back home and not seeing people getting up to dance the choreography to the songs - I was an Angeleno already preparing for culture shocks when he goes back home. I was still in Seoul and I was already missing Seoul.

Matt and Jordan came towards the end of the night and we had both of them finish the remaining pitchers. They were both out for the night and met up to join us at Chunja. We all went home together, but Bonnie, Peter, Jon, Lina and I sat in front of Frontier to smoke and talk - Bonnie's friend, Benjamin noticed us while he was going outside for some fresh air and joined us. Angela came back from Global House saying she wasn't drunk anymore and Salli joined with us before Jon, Lina, and Bonnie headed in.

I wanted to eat a doshirak lunch tray at the CU just down Frontier, and Peter, Angela, and Ben joined me. Salli drunkenly walked in and out of CU, which worried Ben.

After my meal, Angela went back up to Global, while Peter and I headed to Frontier. Salli was staying outside since she left her room key in her room and her roommate was not going to be home until later in the morning. It was five in the morning and Benjamin volunteered to accompany her until she gets back to her room.

Peter and I went back to our dorms.

This blog is the first part of the "As the Sun Sets" series, which documents my final week in Seoul. I named this blog the Golden Hour because, as mentioned at the beginning, the golden hour is the time where everybody is still gathered together, taking pictures of the sky, the vibe is fun while everybody enjoys each other's company.

It is not until when night falls that people start heading home and the circle starts diminishing.

The next blog is called "As the Sun Sets: For Graduation Night".

The sun is preparing to set and the day is almost ending, symbolizing how close the end of the program is.

Golden hour is over, and our farewells begin. It will be very bittersweet writing the next few blogs, so until then!

고마워요, Chris 「크리스」

From left to right: Valentino, Cara, Leonard, Pong, Joyce, Peter, Florence, me, Lina, Salli, Jon, Carolina, and Angela.

#abroad #international summer campus #isc #ku #study #summer #korea university #korea #seoul

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justtryingyaknow · 6 years

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I saw a great list of college advice and I wanted to give away some of mine. I've thought a lot about this as an instructor (to a basically a welcome to college class) (and as a recent grad) here's the best I got/ things I don't see on every college advice list: 1) BE YOU. IF YOU MEANS PARTYING AT COLLEGE THAT'S OK. IF YOU MEANS STAYING IN YOUR DORM AND HAVING ONE REALLY CLOSE FRIEND (me) THAT'S OK. BUT OF UTMOST IMPORTANCE, BE SAFE. I was not a party person but this is the first thing I tell my students. Always go to a party with a group, a group you trust, never abandon anyone in that group. If you're going to do something dumb, be smart about it. I don't advocate drinking til your blitzed or doing drugs, but be prepared to call for help if you or a friend needs it. 2) Join something. Anything. Meet more people. Open up. Try a small part time job. Extra money and good friends. 3) Eat at more dorms than the one directly near you, sometimes that dorm isn't the best food and sometimes it's stupid expensive. 4) TALK TO THE PEOPLE IN YOUR CLASS. Even if it's just the girl in ethics class you always sit next to and you laugh about how Professor what'shisname is wearing a weird shirt today. That girl gave me notes when I missed. Or the girl in my french class freshmen year that I grouped up with every day. I ran into her two years later and we just sat and talked for half an hour and it was honestly great. You may get lucky and get a Marissa out of it (who I'm not going to tag because there will be too many notifications I'm sure). Who gives me pep talks and comforts me when I'm having an emotional breakdown, and we almost lived together, and I know I can always bounce ideas off her. Be open to new people and experiences. 5) JUST GO TO CLASS. You are paying for it. Oh my god. Please. You can skip every now and then, but if you think you can go. Just go. Skipping calculus as much as I did is why I got a D+ when I honestly could have had a much higher grade. Take notes while you're there. Stay engaged and don't be on your phone. Every class that I disengaged in on my laptop texting or whatever was 10 times harder than just paying attention. So please, do that. 6) Take classes you want, but don't be afraid to drop them. My two hardest classes to date have been my favorite. (Russian history and an essay writing class about the U.S.-Mexican War) On the dropping thing. Live without regret. If this class is too hard or you just can't get into it, take the Withdrawal. It's ok to have a few. 7) For the love of god, do not procrastinate. I know you will. But try your hardest. Don't be me, who pulled up the computer to work on her class site and made this essay of a post.

#college advice #dear freshmen #college will be wonderful my loves #just be smart!#enjoy yourself #and if you want to #you can ask me anything #i'm a confident SOB so i think i have good advice

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bridgingthegapblog · 6 years

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Chaplain Hacks

My eleven-year-old daughter has fallen in love with “life-hack” videos. Found all over the internet, they show all sorts of useful shortcuts for life. Well, in this post I hope to share with you a (sorta) new chaplain-hack that I’ve (re)discovered.

Many many years ago, in a seminary preaching class, the professor offered us a piece of advice. He suggested we create a rolodex or sorts, (or expanding file system) where we stored helpful references and illustrations we found. I ignored the advice…I couldn’t conceive of how I would organize something like that; but two recent events have persuaded me to change my mind.

One, the many speaking engagements and memorial services I’ve been asked to speak at has left me scrounging for illustration material. You know, the short stories, quotes, or anecdotes that we pepper our talk with; to make it interesting and drive home our main point. The best teachers I’ve ever sat under used stories profusely.

Two, I’ve been reading a lot of amazing and inspiring books lately. I’ve always been “that person” who writes in her books and leaves little side notes throughout the margins. While I’ve gathered an impressive Christian library, I’m coming to realize that when I need one of those notes, I don’t know where to look. For example, I know I’ve underlined and made note of many book passages that talk about faith. And when asked to speak at a memorial service, those would really come in handy…but who has time to riffle through all their old books to find the one gem?

Whether it be a poem, short story, historical reference, quote…whatever, I’ve come to really wish I had taken my professors advice all those years ago. But it’s never too late! For me, I created a Word document and started creating headings in alphabetical order. Topics like: “Faith”, “Love”, “Service”, “Ministry of Presence” and “Forgiveness”. As I read or hear interesting illustrations I would like to use later, I paste them into the document. As it expands, I may need to use multiple documents for faster reference.

I would like to leave you with three such illustrations that I’ve found that I wish every chaplain knew about. Maybe this will help you start your own such collection….but I really encourage you to start. You never know when your going to be asked to say the invocation at an event, or to conduct a wedding. Having illustrations that you like and relate to will help you be that much more prepared!

1. At a funeral recently I heard the most amazing poem, “The Dash”. Here it is.

The Dash

I read of a man who stood to speak at a funeral of a friend. He referred to the dates on the tombstone from the beginning...to the end.

He noted that first came the date of birth and spoke of the following date with tears, but said what mattered most of all was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time they spent alive on earth and now only those who loved them know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we own, the cars..the house...the cash. What matters is how we lived and loved and how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard; are there things you'd like to change? For you never know how much time is left that still can be rearranged.

To be less quick to anger and show appreciation more, And love the people in our lives like we've never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect and more often wear a smile...Remembering that this special dash might only last a little while.

So when your eulogy is being read, with your life's actions to rehash, Would you be proud of the things they say about how you lived your dash? (By Linda Ellis)

2. My second illustration is a short story, though it’s too long to post here. Regardless of your specific calling, our main ministry as Chaplains is the ministry of presence. Being there. Listening. Understanding. Patience.

The famed Russian writer, Anton Chekov wrote a short story called “The Lament”. In it, an elderly man named Iona has lost his son. As the driver of a carriage (taxi) in town, he looks for someone to open up to, to share his burden. Instead, no one has the time or love to spare. I don’t want to spoil the ending; but I’ve used this story to show the importance of being available; of being kind; of being present. In our day-to-day busyness we can miss the person who most needs us. The over-worked cashier, the haggard college student, the frustrated barista. They are each an opportunity to be present. This short story drives that home.

I am attaching the PDF of the story, but it can also be found easily online by searching for it. iTunes also has it in an audiobook version. I had my chaplains listen to the iTunes reading while following along with their own printed version. It’s very poignant and meaningful.

3. Finally, I leave you with a quote that I found while reading one of Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s books, Life Together. This book is about what Christian community and fellowship should look like. What struck me was how much his words ring true of chaplaincy.

“The prisoner, the sick person, the Christian in exile sees in the companionship of a fellow Christian a physical sign of the gracious presence of the triune God. Visitor and visited in loneliness recognize in each the Christ who is present in the body.”

Essentially, we are Christs’ hands and feet!

There you are, just three illustrations that I hope you will find useful starting your own collection. Tell us what one of your favorite illustrations is by commenting below.

-Chaplain Leah B.

#chaplainhacks #ministrytips

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