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#I kept this as short as I can because this is a whole can of worms I don’t wish to fully dive into
goldengirliez · 3 days
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TIPSY MIKEY. We all stan a cute, tipsy Mikey.
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09:53 pm
Nighttime is the most amazing part of the day. You can give yourself the attention you deserve, taking care of yourself, watching your favourite show, preparing a nourishing meal... All of this after the frenzy of the day, the heat of the city, the infinite traffic jams, and the overwhelmingness of your daily job.
Once you get your favourite shirt covering you up, you can't help but sigh contently, letting the perfume of the clothing fill your nostrils, the softness of the cotton fabric gently caressing your skin and the white colour of the tissue soothes your tired eyes.
His shirts are always your anchor after a long day when you haven't been able to meet. After a whole week you and your boyfriend, Mikey, haven't been able to meet because of his busy schedule due to an upcoming race and you being buried deep down the pit of work and hectic everyday life.
Just when you're about to get into the covers and call it a day, some motherfucker dares to ring the bell of your apartment, knocking at your door mercilessly. It's almost 10 pm, who could it possibly be?!
Stomping your feet towards the door of your apartment, you rub your eyes in a pissed manner, the lotion you put on your face earlier slightly oiling the tip of your fingers. When you open the door with a frustrated sigh, your eyes go from annoyed to surprised in less than two seconds. You surely didn't expect to find Draken, Mikey's best friend since the old days and a member of his racing team, looking at you apologetically while holding your boyfriend on his back, piggyback style.
You don't question him, despite wanting to do so, and let the beefy man in. He drops Mikey on your couch and he yelps, whining a slurred and slightly annoyed "Ken-chinnnnn".
You and Draken share a look that says it all: he was drunk, dead-drunk, cockeyed.
"A week is left before the big day, everyone wanted to meet up before having to go all in until the race day" Drake sighs and scratches the back of his head.
You have never seen him so shy, he must be quite tipsy too but you decide not to point that out, showing mercy for his virility.
"I'm sorry about this- he kept on blabbering about how much he missed you so I thought this was the best thing to do".
Of course, it is. Mikey's addicted to you. He loves you so much and every time he can't meet you even for a short period, not being able to hold you close and pepper your face in kisses, he loses it and does stupid things like... Getting drunk with his friends.
You can feel a sudden weight on your shoulder, strong arms wrapping around your waist like a snake and a stinging smell of mixed alcohol make its way through your senses.
Mikey's cheek is squished against your shoulder and he looks at you with big, doe onyx orbs and sweet, plump pouty lips.
His obsidian hair is a bit messy, and his cheek is slightly rosy due to his tipsiness.
You could devour him. He looks so adorable.
"Babyyy, is this really you? Fuck– I've missed you so much" winey voice and teary eyes. He always acts like a child whenever he's drunk and that never fails to put your heart in danger because of cuteness overload.
"You did great Draken, I'll take care of him, thank you for bringing him here" you smile at your boyfriend's best mate and motion him to go before Mikey throws off a tantrum on how much he had missed you and how you should have answered to his messages more often.
Just when he gets out you sigh and look at your boyfriend who's snuggling against you (probably because he's not even capable of standing still by himself), caressing your warm skin with the tip of his nose.
“Why haven't you answered any of my calls today, baby?”
It is surprising how his voice rings in your years, shaking your very core: his slurred and childish words from before have been completely replaced by a deep, low and shy whisper. He sounds pained.
You can feel the warmth of his muscles flex on your abdomen as he brings you closer to him until your back is touching his toned chest. His heart is thrumming against his ribcage, you can feel it.
“Can't focus on anything without hearing from you for so long… I get worried too, ya know?”
Your Manjiro has always been this way, whenever he got tipsy, he would always become more clingy, whinier and vulnerable.
Despite this, his charm is undeniable and you can't help but pend from his lips when his words flow effortlessly like the smoothest cream. Listening to him and absorbing his body heat is like indulging in the sweetest thing you might ever taste.
He doesn't do it on purpose, such antics become natural when he's with you: your magnecticity touches every cell of his body and makes it act on its own, getting on the right frequency just because you are there.
You're everything he needs and all he has always had.
You can't blame him for behaving like this, like the lovestruck man he is.
“I’m so sorry, ‘jiro, I've been busy… but I'll make it up to you, okay?”
His body weight leans more towards you as he mutters a slurred ‘you better'. Despite wanting to sound pissed, the smile on his face is clear as day even if his face is hidden in the curve on your neck. His satisfied tone betrays him: maybe wearing one of his shirts was a start to make up for the lost time already.
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As your hand smoothes over his liquorice locks you can feel a damp, hot sensation on your neck: his hot breath reaches your skin as he kisses it in both relief and contentment, exciting your nostrils with a pungent hint of alcohol.
Once your hands make contact with his back in a fluid, circular motion, you can feel Mikey's muscles tense and melt in your hold in less than a few seconds: you prepared him a warm bath to help him ease up his paranoia about “you avoiding him” and wash off that nauseous smell of liquor that was making you sick.
The water ripples underneath his body, circular little waves expand and dissolve among the warm water whenever he moves.
Letting the fragrance of the oils and the body wash hug his senses, filling his thoughts with your gentle hand scratching his scalp deliciously with the tip of your fingers and your idyllic voice that echoes through the bathroom walls he feels at peace.
He breathes in deeply every time, his toned chest rises and falls at a slow pace and the droplets of water kiss every inch of the skin for you, sliding down his muscles deliciously.
With his eyes gently closed and his silky, obsidian hair sticking to his forehead slightly, he looks like a greek god, just for you to be blessed with.
You can't help but sigh happily as his consciousness clears up with every passing minute: he starts to make more coherent sentences, talking to you about his week and complaining about his team that put his life in such a hectic frenzy for the upcoming race that he hardly had time to check up on you.
“The only way I thought I could see you was by taking advantage of this dinner: I mean, no one wants to deal with a drunk, complaining pain the ass before the race, yeah? They had to let me come here, I'm a genius!”
You love him for that.
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The soft thuds that jog up the stairs are unmistakable: as Mikey reaches your room and opens the door, you are already waiting for him in the bed, keeping the sheets warm for him, and making a comforting nest for his arrival.
He insisted that you wait for him upstairs as he brushed his teeth and dressed up, claiming that he wasn't that tipsy to be looked out for like the big baby he is.
Let's give him credit for that, he was right.
His face seems to be sparking under the warm light of your abatjour, the freshness of his body reaches your nose more and more as he walks closer to the bed, inching towards your face so you can breathe in and taste the minty scent of his mouth onto yours with a sloppy kiss.
When your hand guides its way on his collarbone, tickling his damp skin with your palm, he wastes no time hovering over your frame completely and crushing his weight on top of you, making the soft mattress sink lower underneath your bodies.
Even if Mikey has always had a quite smaller frame compared to other guys, he never fails to knock the breath off your lungs when he catches you by surprise. He might have a thing for that small puff of air that leaves your chest unexpectedly, making you yelp in such a delightful tone… but he would never admit that out loud. Where would the fun be otherwise?
Snuggling against your body, you can feel the tip of his nose playfully rub against your cheek as he kisses your jaw with a small movement of his mouth, the softest flower petals caressing your tender skin graciously.
Useless to say that you'll sleep in that position for the whole night and you have no room to argue, not when your man starts to mindlessly mumble sweet nonsense under his breath and ask questions about your week until late that night.
Mikey's head is still a bit fuzzy, his senses don't connect down on earth fully due to the fragmentary memories of the embarrassing, confused events that happened that night tormenting his subconscious, but he doesn't care: as long as your voice lulls him to sleep, all his repressed pre-race anxieties melt away; every fear of having missed out on a big event of your life that week dissolves into thin air; every inch of the emptiness that your absence brought fills up gradually, leaving him giddy inside.
He doesn't deny it, Manjiro admits that he can be whiney, childish and reckless (idiotic actually): getting drunk and causing a scene at the restaurant, screaming at the waiter because he didn't receive a flag on his entrecôte and spilling the carafe of wine on the white table cloth in front of the team before falling from the chair wasn’t the best idea to get him to your house, especially since he's an emergent public figure in the motorcycle racing industry.
But, honestly, that's all worth it if he gets to spend time with you once again, babying him the way he deserves.
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English isn't my first language so I apologise for any mistakes!
This has been in my drafts for way too long, so I decided to finish it– I'm not that proud of the outcome but I hope it brought a smile on your face regardless!
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Sending y'all hugs. ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ꒰ঌ ♡ ໒꒱ ⊹ ࣪ ˖
©GOLDENGIRLIEZ do not repost or modify on any platform.
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niabang · 3 days
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Take it out on me
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Pairings: Yang jeongin × fem reader
Summary: Your boyfriend gets mad at work and you offer a way for him to relieve his stress.
Warnings: smut included MINORS DNI. Mean/hard dom jeongin, sub reader, daddy kink, degradation/ praise (reader receives.), impact play, dumbification? Semi public sex? Overstim, creampie, unprotected sex (please do not do it.) Mentions of other members of skz.
Let me know if there's anything I missed! ♡
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You went to the company with your boyfriend today because you were bored alone at home every day after he left for work, so today you begged him to let you tag along, and surprisingly, he agreed.
You watched as he and the members did a dance routine over and over again, and you were beginning to wonder if they had to go through this every day. No wonder your boyfriend always came home exhausted.
You sat at one corner of the practice room watching them, and your eyes fell on your boyfriend, who was now drenched in sweat and had his sleeves rolled up, exposing his contracting arm muscles.
Fuck.
His hair was wet, and he looked so sexy when he was serious. You subconsciously crossed your legs and tried to distract yourself by watching some tik toks.
"Can you just leave me alone? I'm tired!" You heard your boyfriend's voice echo round the room, and you looked up from your phone to see what all the fuss was about.
"You're not the only one who's tired here. I.N, at least do the dance right so we can move on to the next phase." His colleague Lee know snapped right back at him, and things were not looking so good.
"Hey, hey guys, don't fight. Let's just carry on with the choreo, please." Felix appealed to them, but his request fell on deaf ears.
"Tell him to stop complaining about every single thing I do it's annoying." Jeongin said to Felix.
"If one person looks bad, the whole team looks bad, and I'm just trying to make sure you're on the same page as us, you selfish asshole." Lee know might have just added fuel to the fire with that comment because your boyfriend raised a fist to him but just before he could do anything or you could call out to him a loud voice resonated through the room.
"Everybody stop!" It was bangchan. The leader of the group. You were a little scared because you had never seen him like that before, but it worked because the commotion did, in fact, stop.
"What do you guys think you're doing right now, huh?" He said to Lee know and your boyfriend.
Lee know opened his mouth like he was about to say something, but chan shut him down before he could.
"I don't wanna hear it. Everybody take 5." He said that, and everyone, including him, left the room, but your boyfriend stayed back.
"Baby, are you okay?" You asked, getting up from the corner where you sat.
He didn't answer you and just kept on wiping his face with a towel.
"Jeongin, answer me. Are you okay?" You asked again.
"No, I'm not. I'm tired and frustrated. You saw everything that happened." He had made his way onto one of the couches in the practice room, and just the way he sat was making you horny again.
He was reclined on the couch with his legs spread wide, and he was wearing a pair of shorts so you could see his thighs, and you had never wanted to ride them more than in that moment.
"You can take it out on me." You said before you even realised it.
Your boyfriend's head shot up from the frame of the couch he had rested his head on.
"C'mere." He said as he pulled you onto his lap. You were now straddling him.
"Say that again for me, princess." He said while tucking your hair behind your ear and looking straight into your eyes."
"I- I want you to take your frustration out on me... to relieve to of your stress." You said already getting wet from just sitting on him.
"Oh you dirty slut." He said as he grabbed your neck and pulled you in for a kiss."
"Wait what about the others?" You asked him turning to face the door of the practice room.
"We have 15 minutes." He said and pulled you into the kiss.
Your boyfriend was being completely ruthless with you and took full control of your mouth with his tongue.
You started to grind against him for friction, but he stopped you and lifted you up from his thighs, so you were kneeling and not sitting.
All you could do was moan, and you got even louder when he lifted up the skirt you were wearing and smacked you particularly hard on the ass.
"You like that, huh?" He asked as he broke away from the kiss and landed another hard smack on your bare ass.
"When I speak to you, you answer me." He said as he landed what you think was the hardest one yet.
"Yes, Daddy." You said choking back tears.
"That's my good girl." He said as he wrapped his hand around your throat and pulled you in for a kiss again.
He pulled out his dick from his shorts and began to stroke it. He then put his fingers on your panties to see if you were wet, and you most definitely were so he didn't waste any time moving them to the side and placing you on his dick.
"Ahhh." You whined as he slipped into you. You already knew your boyfriend was big, but for some reason, you felt like he was stretching you out more than usual.
He had his hands on both sides of your hips and began to move you up and down his length.
Your eyes rolled to the back of your head, and it was almost like you could feel every vein and ridge on his dick.
"Ride me." Your boyfriend commanded, and you groaned from the loss of movement because he had taken his hands off your hips.
Your boyfriend knew you couldn't last for 5 minutes on top but he was a sadistic fucker and loved to see you suffer.
You began to bounce up and down his length, and your boyfriend threw his head back.
"Yeah, just like that, baby keep going." He said in a raspy voice and landed a light smack on your ass.
You felt your legs already starting to give out after a while and as if your boyfriend knew he started thrusting up into you from below and he did so fast while landing hard slaps on your ass.
"Fuck fuck fuck please daddy please." You have no idea what you were begging for because it hurt so good you couldn't think straight.
Your boyfriend turned you over so you were now laying on the chair and he was on top.
"Listen to me princess we can't be too loud okay? Take it quietly like a good girl."
You nodded your head and he pushed his dick back into you and choked you restricting just a bit of your airflow.
He was slamming into your cunt so hard and fast you began to see stars. Your moans were getting louder and you forgot that he had told you to be quiet.
You felt a sting on your left cheek and you realised that he had slapped you for disobeying his instructions.
"I told you to be quiet you whore. Do you want people to hear you getting fucked?" He asked you.
"No, Daddy." You managed to blurt out through tears.
"Good." And as he said that, he parted your lips and spit in your mouth, then gave you another slap.
He continued to slam into you but it was impossible for you to say quiet so he now had a hand over your mouth while he continued the assault on your cunt.
"Who's daddy's little cumslut?." He asked after a while and you were too fucked out to answer so your boyfriend brought you back to your senses with another slap.
"Me daddy it's me." You cried out.
"Okay now you're gonna take my cum like the slut you are." As he said that he pressed further into you and filled you with his seed.
You both stayed in that position for about two minutes till you started hearing voices coming towards the practice room.
"Just in time." Your boyfriend said and pulled out of you.
"Keep it in till we get back home." He said as he tapped your thighs and put his dick back into his pants.
"We'll finish things up there." He said and left to join the others.
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from-izzy · 3 days
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[01:34] | nct na jaemin
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Your ceiling fell.
pairing » nct na jaemin x gn!reader (lmk if i missed anything!)​
trope/au » ​established relationship au!, non-idol au!
genre » boyfriend na jaemin who picks you up even though he's tired, summer is annoying to the reader (sorry, i'm really hating summer rn), fluffy fluff with a tinge of angst, clothes stealer reader!, but you never end up using it because you got too tired and fell asleep, i love na jaemin (can you tell?), reader is the little spoon, jaemin is so caring and cute (i'm in love with him), jaemin brushing his hand through your hair
word count, estimated reading time » 2496, ~9 mins
warnings (lmk if i missed anything!) » jaemin is taller, outside clothes on the bed (i don't do this but it's cute here 😭 forgive me), oh...it's not proofread 😭
navi/masterlist!! 🤍
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recently went back to my wips and found bits and pieces that could work together and meshed them together as best as i can 🤣 just whipped up this little thing whilst i was at it hehe
also, not going to be specific but will you believe if i said that this is based on a (my) true story? 🤠 it's been...messy 🤠 to say the least.
thank you for proofreading (when you're supposed to be focusing on school) @cupidjyu !! 💕
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Your ceiling fell.
Well...
To be exact, there isn't a hole that lets the spiders and birds able to look down and see the base of your kitchen sink but when the inside surface of the roof fell, so did the insulator that kept the house warm during the frosty winter, and cool in the scorching summer. Because of the unstable roof condition, your whole family was wary of putting the air conditioning system on. The vibration from the machine and the sound waves themselves may be the little push it needs to send other parts of the roof crumbling.
You hate the hot weather so much.
In this period of the summer, when opening the windows was barely an option as it also let the heat through, it has been hard even to do anything remotely productive. With every move of your body, it generates heat and energy, which when mixed with the thirty-five-degree heat, all you want to do is lay on your bed and let the sweat evaporate off your skin with the help of your tower fan. That's how the mornings would go. Sometimes when you're not too tired from the previous day's work, you would go and take shelter in the library, turning confused heads when you would be wearing a jacket as overtime, it became too cold. 
The worst thing is that there has been no word from the insurance company or the people who could help to fix the hole in your ceiling. Unfortunately, it did fall during the peak holiday season but at this point, when it’s no longer the festive season, no one in your family understands what’s going on with the back-and-forth messy conversations to fix the issue. 
The past three months have been full of frustrating calls to your boyfriend but Jaemin has been picking up your phone call at the second time his ringtone rings, greeting you with that emphasising smile of his as he sees the layer of moisture on your face. At first, you tried to give him the best smile you could, but you eventually broke down after the first month, completely done with changing your clothes every day in every hour. Jaemin, though busy with his own responsibilities, never fails to take you out whenever he can, accompanying you in your aimless night time walks or accompanying you to the library where he would start reading a random book while you snooze on his shoulder. 
Today is one of the nights where you can’t handle sleeping in the house, too hot and uncomfortable for your eyes to even think about closing. You guiltily text Jaemin, asking if he’s able to have you over and within a few minutes, the black-haired arrives at your house, air conditioner blasting in his car and a genuine smile greeting you as soon as you step in. He waits outside his car with his oversized shirt and short pants; his usual summer attire. He kisses your frown away as soon as you rush into his arms, dropping your bag of clothes to the floor. His affectionate gaze for you grows, cupping your cheeks in his hands to hush you from the apologies that you would say for going out so late at night even though you insisted that the five-minute walk was fine to do.
“No,” Jaemin juts his lower lip to you adorably. “Not letting you do that!” He presses another quick peck on your lips that makes your cheeks heat up and makes you a stuttering mess. “I’m hungry! Let’s go grab some food first!”
You let out a knowing chuckle, shaking your head at him fondly as you know that just means another movie night that will go on until five am. To Jaemin, this is the best kind of date: the one that is unplanned but is planned at the same time. With the way that you’re literally having the worst summer ever as well, all he wants to do is to make sure that at least when you look back on this summer, you will remember his air conditioner blasting in his room. Bonus, the later you sleep, the more time you’ll have in a cooled, comfortable and private environment. 
But you know deep down, that you will always remember his warm, kind heart first out of all. 
With hands full of takeout from the nearest fast food to his house, Jaemin talks you through his list of movies that he wants to check out before you both fall asleep. He was so excited that he nearly missed the step up to his room, almost waking up the whole house with how his body would tumble down the staircase otherwise. But oh how much he would if it meant that you wouldn’t be crying on the humid, summer night.
"It's perfect, Jaem." 
You comment when Jaemin asks you about the temperature of his room and he gives you a relieved look, smiling in satisfaction to know your thoughts. Jaemin starts to unload the snacks in his arm on his study table, prompting you to do the same. He turns his sleeping laptop on, waiting for his device to start up.
In the meantime, his attention falls on you once more. "You must've been overwhelmed." His arm spreads open, silently asking if you would accept his gesture.
All you gave was a quiet hum and it momentarily worries him before you step to bury your head into his broad chest. You sigh into his perfect body temperature that balances the coolness trapped in the four walls. The corners of Jaemin’s lips rise as he starts shifting his body side to side, giving the hug a little more dynamic and comfort as he starts to sing your favourite tune to your ears. His fingers rake across your hair, not minding the whines and complaints you gave about how your hair is disgusting and oily, even pressing a kiss to your scalp to ease your worries. 
Your arms start to find home around his waist and your palm grips the fabric of the shirt even more, feeling eternally thankful for having a loving person in your life. A mutter, “Thank you for all this.” Your voice trails off, eyelids heavy and honestly, quiet snores could leave your lips at any moment now. 
“Always, bubs,” he muses back. “Maybe we can skip the movie night today?” 
The suggestion pulls your lips into a sour smile but you can’t hide the drowsiness in your system after getting small hours of sleep for the past week. “We have food.” But truly, it’s nothing that food can’t fix.
A raised eyebrow meets you when you slightly pull back to see the reaction on Jaemin’s face. “Food and horror movies.”
The shared favourite genre makes you break out into a genuine smile, excited for the movie marathon cuddled up in his bedsheets and the smell of food as you both expose yourself to the light from the computer until the sun replaces the moon. Jaemin watches you excitedly walk back to the door of his room where your bag slumps over on the wall next to the frame. 
“You don’t want to wear mine?” The suggestion is said with a smirk from him and your hands stopping to unzip your bag halfway. “Guess not!”
“No! I do!” You drag the last syllable out and when you turn to face him once more, Jaemin only lets out a teasing smile. “Let me steal!”
Indeed, Jaemin already has everything prepared for you, tilting his chin to his bed where some of his and your favourite hoodies are spread across the duvet. You spot the emerald green one, immediately jumping from your kneeling position on the floor and making the neat pile topple over at your eagerness. 
Jaemin feigns fake offence and an exaggerated gasp, “All my hard work!” He weeps to which you just roll your eyes as a response, continuing to take out your shower and night necessities to prepare for the night. 
“Alright.” A heavy sigh follows after, “I’m going to sho—”
But before you could take another step towards the bathroom, a pair of arms pulls you backwards, your back colliding with a chest that you know all too well. You can’t see the expression on his face but another thing that you know about Jaemin is when he leans down to press his cheek on yours, humming once more into your embrace, his cheeks are painted with hues of red and pink—his love for you overflowing from the simple back hug gesture.
“What you doing, Nana?” It deepens his blush, melting with how the nickname naturally sounds lovelier coming from you.
“Just go brush your teeth and shower in the morning.” He mumbles against your cheek. “I want to go on this movie marathon with you right now.”
“But you hate it the most when someone lays on your bed without washing up.” 
That’s also true. He does hate that a lot. 
The idea of outside germs reaching the place where he would be closing his eyes and be in another space for hours never fails to bring a scowl to his face and he always makes sure everyone who visits his space is aware of that fact.
But it’s you—and Jaemin loves you more to overlook that fact for a day.
“I’m planning on changing the sheets anyway.” He shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly, “Plus, I literally get grease and pieces of chocolate on there anyways so I think I may need to change my mindset about that rule now…”
The mention of the substances makes you gasp, a similar one to the one he directed at you before. “Na Jaemin!” The playful slap on his arm only makes his hold against your body tighter, sending you both into a fit of laughter.
Amid the chaos you created, Jaemin makes his point clear with the previous topic, throwing himself still clad in his dirty clothes onto his bed and taking you down with him. You yelp at the sudden fall, throwing everything out of your hands to muffle the sound of your mouth, aware of the sleeping couple not too far away from this room. 
“Oops! Gotta change it tomorrow, I guess!”
“Na Jaemin, stop! I’m still going to shower anyway!”
So begins the shoving and wiggling for you to escape his strong grip on his bulky arms. You know shortly after running out of breath that it’s a better choice to rest your head on his pectoral, giving up on both the shower and possibly the movie night. The laughter dies down, but never the love that Jaemin shows for you. On the back of your head, you can feel his thumping heartbeat, the rhythm making your eyelids fall naturally.
Jaemin carefully slides you over to the mattress on his side, turning his body to face the girl he loves the most in this world. His eyelashes flutter quietly, quieter than the humming of the white rectangular machine stuck high onto his wall. He doesn’t bother waking you up, content with the tiny snores you let out through the small gap between your lips.
“And to think you were scolding me minutes ago.” Bopping your ice-cold nose with the pad of his pointer finger. “Okay, at this point you’re going to freeze.”
Though exhausted and body screaming to just fall asleep then and there, Jaemin pulls himself back to the edge of the bed, standing and stretching his four limbs. He quickly retreated to the connecting bathroom, picking up your discarded items that he made you toss to avoid his parents from waking up and scolding the young couple in love—though he knows they will just scold him given how much his parents adore everything about you.
Scared that you would soon wake up in the very uncomfortable posture that you have right now, more than half your feet dangling off the bed, Jaemin swiftly completes his night routine, skipping the one that would make his dentist question his habits but he pushed the thought aside for now. As quiet as he could, he makes his way over to your still peaceful figure. His knees sink into the bed, eyes observing you while he holds his breath to avoid any more unnecessary movements than the ones he’s making right now.
An arm lifts your upper body, and Jaemin quickly jumps behind you. You did stir a bit in your sleep when Jaemin undoes the noisy metal zipper of your jacket but nonetheless, he succeeded without bringing you back into full consciousness. In his head, he imagines himself doing a little celebratory dance under the shining disco ball, all the fluorescent light on him on the dance floor. Then, the same arm is placed on your upper back once more but now paired with his other arm tucked under the back of your knees. You quickly adjusted to the position, Jaemin raising your body high enough for you to relish in the remnants of his cologne on the crook of his neck. 
“I love you, Nana.” You confess to him earnestly. “I love you so much…”
Jaemin stands on one side of the bed, scanning the curves of your face intently as if he has never noticed the small mole on the slope of your nose. He couldn’t fight off the want to steal another kiss from you, bending his neck down to slot his soft ones to hug your plump ones. A satisfied hum is brought out after, Jaemin mirroring your content heart with another lingering press on your forehead.
Soon enough, your body is finally between his bouncy mattress and his weighted polyester. Immediately, your hands roam over to the other side of the bed where Jaemin would usually be, groaning when all you felt was the crinkles of the cotton that is not his shirt.
“Okay, okay. I’m here.” He assures the dissatisfaction painted on your face first by flicking the light switch off and then by wrapping your smaller frame into his own. 
The muscles of your whole body relax for the first time in a while at the thought of going to dreamland—maybe it’s the Jaemin effect. A hand makes its way to the curve of your head, fingertips half-buried into your strands. A slight gush of wind can be felt on your nose but you don’t mind the proximity, even continuing to scoot even closer, pleased with the hand on your lower back that pushes you in closer. 
“Sleep tight.” His eyes landed on the brown bag across the room and his muted laptop that plays your favourite comfort movie. He lets the movie play, strategically moving his forearm to block the blue light emitted. When he confirms that his shadow falls upon your lids, he places the lightest kiss as a final ‘goodnight’. “I love you.”
So maybe, you don’t hate the hot weather as much as you thought.
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navi/masterlist!! 🤍 tags (send a dm/ask if you would like to be here or removed!): @k-labels 💙🤍 @k-films 🤎🎞️ @kflixnet 📺🍿 @sanaxo-o
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in love with the mess - day fourteen
summary : Aubrey is going on tour and, for once, she's decided to focus on having as much fun as possible. Oli can be a little shit but he does nothing short of adore Audrey and... well, maybe Noah a little, too. Noah likes the flirting, as long as no one gets too close, emotionally. But what will happen when the three of them take it too far?
content : angst, fluff, overthinking, mentions of drinking, mentions of throwing up
length : 6k
tags (let me know if you want to be tagged!) : @veronicaphoenix @cookiesupplier @lma1986 @jilliemiw86 @bngurngheart @lacktoesandtoddlerants @narcissisticbehavior81 @flowery-mess @shilohrosechicken @justeli6 @starvingarsyn @floatinglikeaswan @blacksoul-27 @somebodyels3 @kageyasma @spikeisdaddy @broken0mens @sunsshinesunny
a/n : sorry about the delay!!! I'm going on holiday and it was all very stressful and hectic and then we had to figure out how to get to the airport tomorrow morning because the trains are suddenly not running lmao but here it is!!!
•••
day fourteen
“You… you told-”
Noah didn’t even manage to say it out loud. He didn’t need to. Oli and I were just as aware of the fucking blunder we’d just made. The one that might change everything now.
We should have told him earlier. We should have told him, period. Not risked letting him find out. We’d truly fucked up. Too wrapped up in our own happiness and love to really grasp the consequences. How ridiculously selfish of us.
The room had fallen awkwardly silent, or maybe the ringing in my ears was simply tuning out everything else. Either way, there were still people around us, people who had no business listening in to this, people who didn’t need to know anything about our situation. I wasn’t actually sure if anyone even cared - but all the people running around us were distracting at best. Oli seemed to think the same.
“My dressing room, now,” he simply said, no harshness in his order, yet none of us would have dared to decline.
No more words were exchanged as we made our way through the labyrinthine hallways of the arena. We didn’t touch each other, suddenly hyperaware of every single one of our movements, as if they would be watched and analysed and scrutinised. All of us kept our heads down as we passed by a multitude of people and the general vibe we were giving off seemed to do enough to keep everyone else away. We weren’t in the mood for small talk. Or any talk at all that didn’t include just the three of us.
Oli held the door open for us as we passed him, then shut it after he had entered himself. I’d never felt this out of place in my life. The chaotic, stuffed dressing room that had started to feel close to a second home, even if the actual location kept changing, now did nothing but suffocate me. All of us lingered in the middle of it. No one sat down. As if comfort wasn’t allowed.
“How long?” Noah’s voice seemed painfully loud in the quiet dressing room. The door shut out the noise from outside remarkably well.
“Two days ago,” Oli answered, as if it was no bother at all, as if this wasn’t potentially the most crucial conversation the three of us had ever had, but I could see it in his eyes, in the way he tried to hide his hands fumbling with nothing in particular. “I didn’t mean to say it, then. I mean, I love her, but it just tumbled out of my mouth, really.”
“We didn’t mean to keep it a secret from you,” I added. My whole body ached to reach out to Noah, but the fear of how badly the rejection would sting kept me frozen in place. “We meant to talk to you, there just… We didn’t know how or when. I know that’s the shittiest excuse ever. We should have made the right moment to tell you.”
“So what does that mean now,” Noah all but interrupted. His eyes were flicking back and forth between Oli and me, restless and nervous. He didn’t even seem to process any of the information we’d just told him, even if his brain was probably going a hundred miles an hour. “You two are… a thing. And you still fucked me this morning. Why?”
It was my turn to be stunned. Did he really not know? Was he so completely unaware? Or was he simply trying to shield himself, ignore everything that had happened between the three of us in the past two weeks? Because in my mind, there was no way he didn’t know that this was more than just the three of us fucking around. Or me and Oli getting together. In all the ways that we had complicated and confused this whole thing, it had always been about the three of us. Surely.
“Because we love you, you fucking idiot!”
The outburst pierced the silence painfully but it wasn’t until Noah and Oli both stared at me in shock that the realisation dawned that it had been my outburst. I was the one shouting these words. But as soon as it sunk in, I knew I wasn’t done. Some invisible dam had burst - I was going to speak my mind and I was going to speak it now. No more holding back for the sake of others or blindly agreeing for fear of rejection or letting anyone else take the lead.
“This wasn’t just some weird ploy to get Oli and me together and you get stranded on the sidelines. This has been about the three of us from the start and you know it. So what if Oli and I got there first. I’ve been ready to shout about my feelings for you from the rooftops for days now, Noah. But I didn’t. Because I knew it would scare you away. And I was desperate, Noah, desperate for that not to happen.”
I took a breath, trying to keep a hold of myself, trying not to unravel. I willed the tears in my eyes to disappear but all that happened was that one escaped me and dramatically slid down my face. Noah, somehow, was the first one to react, wiping it away so softly that another immediately followed.
“Every time Oli and I are alone, it feels like a part of us is missing. Like the bed is too big, even when it really isn’t. Or there’s a remark hanging in the room that you would make but you’re not there to say it. I don’t want to do this without you. I want you. I don’t know how this is going to work and I don’t really care because I know we’ll figure it out. I’m in love with you, Noah.”
I couldn’t deal with the way he was looking at me. Especially because I, for once, felt so completely, wholly unable to analyse it at all. Was it pity? Oncoming rejection? Insecurity? Love? I could only hope for the latter, but my emotions were running amok in my body and there was no certainty in anything anymore. In anything but the fact that I was so in love.
Noah was still standing in front of me, but his hand wasn’t on my face anymore and I missed it dearly. All I wanted was to throw myself into his arms and beg him to give the three of us a chance. But this was on him, and him alone.
“She’s right, you know?” Oli piped up next to me. He was much braver than me, pulling Noah close, putting his hand to the other man’s neck and letting their foreheads rest against each other. “We’re not complete without you. I… Noah, I’m in love with you. And, fuck, I never thought I’d say that to a man, but here we are.”
He kissed Noah then, deeply and passionately. It was all he could do. I only hoped it would be enough.
“We don’t want to rush you, Noah. But that’s where we’re at and I… I would hate for this tour to be over with unspoken things lingering between us. So, I don’t know, take some time, talk to us or don’t if you need to be by yourself, whatever you need. But, please, think about it. About us. It’s the only thing I’m asking you for.”
Noah nodded, keeping his head hanging low and staring at the ground now that Oli wasn’t holding him up anymore. I let my hand drift to his jaw, making him look at me. I simply needed to press a kiss to his mouth. The chances that I might not get to do it again were too high.
He felt sweet against me, reciprocating the kiss with a familiarity I had grown so accustomed to. But he didn’t initiate anything else. I let go of him and stepped back.
“I’ll give you an answer. Tonight. I promise.”
Believing in him was all Oli and I could do.
•••
It felt wrong to sleep alone. If I’d already been lamenting the fact that Noah was missing when it was just Oli and me, I’d completely forgotten just how awful it would feel to have neither of them next to me in bed. The cold was seeping into my bones, one that couldn’t be fixed with any number of blankets or heating in the room. I missed feeling their bodies around me, feeling the mattress move every time they shuffled. Missed their hands on me, their chests pressed against my own and my back. Their slowing breathing filling the room with the slightest noises that had me drifting off to sleep so easily. Now I was too cold and the room was too quiet and my brain was too loud.
We had tried to be reasonable about it, really. We’d gotten a ride back to the hotel together and while I tried to savour every moment with them, it had been the most awkward situation we’d managed to find ourselves in just yet. When we had lingered in the hotel hallway, unsure of how to proceed from here, Noah had said that he needed some time to think, alone, and that it would probably be for the best if he just went back to his room with Jolly. We’d bid him goodnight, not attempting to kiss or hug him or initiate any other physical contact, and he’d ended up waving before walking down the corridor. Like a stranger.
Then it had just been Oli and me, again. I’d made him hold me, for a while, needing the closeness and the reassurance that we could somehow be fine whatever happened now, but we didn’t talk. Only to agree that we should sleep separately for once. It simply felt… wrong to allow ourselves to spend the night in an attempt at what would hopefully become a steady relationship when Noah was still struggling and confused and neither part of it nor outside of it. Plus, I knew fully well that we would end up talking the whole night, not getting a wink of sleep and instead stressing ourselves out even further.
Not that I was getting much rest on my own now.
Picking up my phone, I once again, for what felt like the seventieth time that night, opened our group chat. There wasn’t very much in there to be honest. Most of the time, it was easy enough to locate each other in the venues or their rooms. And if I was looking for someone specific, I usually ended up texting just that person. The other one was probably with one of us already anyway.
Still.
My fingers hovered over the screen. And then they typed, before I could stop them. I clicked the sent button as soon as the last letter had appeared. Just to make sure I wouldn’t back out again. Then I chucked the phone as far away from me as I could while still being able to hear my alarm in a few hours and turned around, hoping for sleep to come, hoping for my brain to give me some peace for at least a while. Hoping those two men would feel the same way I did when they read my message.
I miss you already.
•••
I ended up running late which was something that rarely happened and tended to be in my top ten most stressful situations in life. I had been so preoccupied with leaving on time or at least not too late to make my flight to Dublin that I didn’t even remember to check my messages until I was in the car to the airport.
Noah Can we talk tonight? The guys want to go out but maybe after?
There was about an hour of nothing in the chat, I presumed Oli was asleep or simply not checking his phone at that time, before another message from him came through.
Noah I miss you too Both
Then silence, again, for a few hours. Oli had apparently gotten up earlier than I had and, somehow, had been more organised. Or at least enough to text.
Oli Think everyone’s keen on going out tonight We can meet up at the hotel afterward? My room? Please don’t make me stay on my own again, I couldn’t even get any rest without you (Aubrey) clinging to my shirt until it almost choked me and you (Noah) terrifying me with your sleep talking in the middle of the night
I wasn’t going to cry in the cab. Even if I did end up clutching the phone to my heart as if it physically held the people I loved and not just the messages they had left. Maybe it was going to be alright after all. Maybe we could make this work. Maybe, even tonight already, we would be right where we were supposed to be - next to each other.
I didn’t get a chance to reply as the driver pulled up to the airport. But I would get to talk to them later tonight, at the very latest. And that made my heart that little bit lighter.
•••
“I’ll let you know that I was only slightly panicked about you missing the flight,” Becky said as I reached my gates, mere moments before boarding was about to start. I huffed at her, pretending it was because I was shocked at how little faith she had in me, not because I was legitimately out of breath.
“Which would have been annoying but not the end of the world, pretty sure there's more fights from here to Dublin than just this one today.”
“Not if they all get cancelled because of the storm.”
I felt the blood drain from my face. “Storm?”
“Yeah, it's pretty windy already so it's not clear whether later flights will go ahead. Wait, you don't look too well - are you- are you afraid of flying?”
“I'm afraid of turbulences,” I admitted.
“Well, then,” Becky said, reaching into her bag as she ushered me towards the counter where they'd just started boarding. “Here's to hoping your surprises will keep you occupied!”
“Wait- plural?”
She didn’t feel the need to answer me as she instead pushed me forward to get my ticket checked and then ushered down the way toward the plane. I was already on the aircraft when she caught up with me, briefly waiting as I took my assigned seat in the middle, which was only bearable because the window seat was taken by Noah. He sent me a tired smile, making me wonder how much rest he’d gotten during the night, as I slid into the row.
“Have fun!” Becky squealed, putting a folder in my hands and vanishing down the aisle of the plan before I could stop her. I briefly looked from the now vacant spot to the folder to Noah, who had a small but knowing smile on his face.
I quickly stored my luggage and got comfortable - as comfortable as possible on a flight - and only got briefly interrupted when Oli walked down the aisle next to me, throwing a kiss in my direction the way he had done the night before, then throwing another to Noah, who accepted it with the blush I had grown to love so much on his cheeks.
“Do you know what this is about?” I asked as more and more people filled up the plane, boarding finally finishing and the crew getting ready for takeoff.
“Maybe,” he chuckled, giving me one more look that I couldn’t quite get a grasp on, then busying himself in the comic in his hands, one I recognised he’d bought on our trip to Forbidden Planet a while ago.
Realising I wasn’t going to get any more information out of him, I decided I might as well try to preoccupy myself with figuring out what exactly Becky had given me during take off. It was the worst part of the flight anyway. Well, minus the landing. And any turbulences.
However, there simply had to be one more interruption.
“Is this seat taken?”
Confused, I looked up from the folder, already questioning what sense that question could possibly make on a fight with assigned seating, when my eyes spotted-
“Lia!”
I tried to jump up but the seatbelt I'd already buckled painfully pulled me back. Noah quickly reached over to undo it as I stood up, folder almost crashing to the floor, my arms wrapping around my best friend as if I hadn't seen her for years. It felt like it.
A stern look from one of the flight attendants had us sit down immediately, getting settled and ready for take off.
“What are you doing here? I don't understand!”
“Did you know Becky is super nice and also definitely able to bully people into giving her my number and telling me to get my ass here?”
“Wait, so-”
“Well, apparently Oli requested my presence too,” she continued, completely unfazed by my questions, “and we both know he's asking for you and not because he loves me so much. Also the hotel had a free room for the next two nights, how handy, right? So here I am, taking you out drinking tonight and trying to punch some sense into all of you guys. Hi, Noah!”
Noah waved awkwardly and then handed me back the folder I had almost forgotten about. He just have caught up when I'd almost dropped it.
“Have you read it yet?” Lia asked, almost jumping in her seat. I shook my head and then buried it in the papers in front of me.
Nothing made sense.
I skimmed through the pages, then back to the first one, as if it might just have been my English skills inexplicably leaving me, but no. I was seeing - and reading - correctly. With a frown so tight it almost hurt the skin on my forehead, I read through the contents, properly now, absorbing every word.
I wasn’t sure how long I took, flipping through the pages, back and forth, just to make sure I was reading correctly, that I wasn’t hallucinating these words, that this was for real.
“This- I mean… I-”
“You're getting an apprenticeship, Aubrey!” Lia shouted so loudly that someone from the row in front of us turned around with a frown. “Becky asked the company she works for and they're offering it to you. Said that the past two days were basically your try-outs. You're gonna be a sound technician! Well, if you accept, of course.”
“Oh my god,” I mumbled, flipping through the pages again, and again. This whole thing felt like a fever dream I was not ready to wake up from. “And in a few days I would-”
“Come on tour with us and shadow Becky,” Noah completed my sentence. “Not the most conventional way to start learning the basics, but when have any of us ever been. Conventional, that is.”
I didn't have time to think about the implications of his words or how they could translate to a completely different issue too. All I could do was put a hand over my mouth in shock and cease to fight against the tears that were starting to spill down my cheeks in abundance. Both Noah and Becky hugged me as much as they possibly could with all of us stuck in our seats. Even the turbulence couldn't faze me anymore.
Life might actually be looking up.
•••
If there was one thing Lia knew how to do, it was how to keep me occupied and distracted. We spent most of the day chatting, which included a lot of me rambling about my chaotic love life - I only cried once - and her fawning over her wife and how she needed a change of occupation too. On top of that, we decided to have lunch at the hotel restaurant, where we promptly bumped into Becky, who allowed me to ask all the questions about the internship offered and then almost bowled me over in my chair when I asked the waiter for a pen to sign the contract straight away.
Since all of us had the night off, we ended up agreeing over several different group chats to go out big style - crew, Bad Omens, Bring Me The Horizon, well, and Lia. Even though she had a room of her own, she’d practically gathered half her suitcase and made a home in mine as we got ready together.
Yet, all she seemed to do was veto every outfit I showed her until we finally landed on an oversized pullover I used as a dress (just about sexy enough for her, comfortable enough for me, who wasn’t actually looking to attract anyone new that evening) and a pair of fishnet tights that would do nothing at all to protect me from the January cold but would hopefully look less out of place once we were inside again.
“So, what’s the plan with Noah, then?” Lia asked as she dropped down on my bed, spilling some of the setting powder in her hand and then trying to rub it into the duvet as if I hadn’t seen. “Because all I see right now is you and Oli sitting around waiting.”
“What else is there to do?” I sighed. I genuinely felt at a loss. We’d put the ball in his court. We’d told him how we felt. We left the decision up to him. But would all of that be enough?
“What’s the biggest issue right now? Like, what’s his fears?”
“Probably that Oli and I have a stronger connection with each other than either of us has with him. That we already know each other so well that he’ll be the one left out.”
“Sounds like you guys need more time together. The three of you. Completely ignoring what you and Oli might know about each other from before and just focus on finding yourselves in this relationship now.”
The silence lingered for a moment as both of us got lost in our thoughts, the mascara I was in the middle of applying now forgotten in my hand. I stared at myself in the mirror, made up and dressed up, and wondered who I was. Someone in love. Someone who was willing to fight for it. I was so over being passive.
“What can I do?”
“Well, first of all, put mascara on the other eye too because you look very asymmetrical.”
I rolled my eyes but did as she said, knowing that if I got too carried away, I’d completely forget about the rest of my makeup anyway.
“Give yourselves more time?” Lia offered.
“Tour ends tomorrow,” I thought out loud. “The Bad Omens tour isn’t until the 27th and the flight to Berlin is on the 26th. Now, I know Oli is completely free the next few days and I can ask around again but I’m pretty sure Noah has a break until then as well.”
Lia simply let out a hum in the background of my monologue, just to let me know she was still listening as I started scrolling through my phone, typing and searching.
“Fuck it,” I decided. “I’m booking us a family room for the next few days after tour. Nice hotel, just outside of Dublin. No distractions, no one else we know around us, no shows, no appointments, nothing. Just the three of us. There. Booked. Do you think the hotel can print something for me?”
Lia looked at me like a proud parent which was unnerving at best but I ignored it.
“I’m sure Oli would love to go and ask with you,” she grinned as I pulled on my shoes and was already halfway out the door, jacket and bag at the ready.
“Meet you downstairs in a few?”
“Will do! Don’t get distracted by Oli’s dick!”
•••
“What if he doesn’t even notice?”
“Of course he’ll fucking notice.”
“You don’t know that! He might not look this way and then just stumble over it!”
“What if we knock?”
“But we’re supposed to drop it off without him seeing!”
“Fine. I’ll knock and we’ll run and hide around the corner.”
“What are we, five?”
“Yes. I’m knocking now.”
I quickly dropped the printed paper along with the post-it stuck on top to the floor as Oli all but pounded on Noah’s hotel room door before bolting down the hallway with me and stopping just around the corner, pulling each other to safety and then peeking around just as we saw him step out, confused. We stayed hidden until we heard the door fall back into its lock and then spared another glance to make sure he had picked up our notes.
“You think he’s going to do it? Come with us for another few days?”
“Well, a luxurious hotel and both of us, he’d be stupid to refuse,” Oli chuckled, but I could tell the anxiety weighed on him just as heavily. There wasn’t much more to do, really. We’d told him about our feelings. We wanted to spend the small break that all of us had together, no distractions, just getting to know each other better and figuring out how this could work. It was truly his turn now.
“Come on, stop worrying that pretty head of yours so much,” Oli said, pressing a kiss to it. “Let’s get Lia and see what Dublin has to offer, yeah?”
I simply let myself fall into his arms a little as he led us toward the lifts, ready to forget about the ache in my heart just for a while.
•••
The night ended up not being all that wild, after all. Everyone was feeling the exhaustion from the past two weeks on tour. It didn’t mean that the pub we had all gathered it wasn’t in danger of running out of spirits, though. The mood was high and the volume in the room seemed to be getting louder by the minute. I’d already saved various people from Lia various times because if someone didn’t know how to shut her mouth when intoxicated, it was her. I’d currently lost track of her once again which was slightly worrying, but the more drinks Becky was providing me with, the less I cared. Her husband wasn’t back company either, although he seemed ever so slightly overwhelmed with the rowdy crowd around us.
“Are you excited to go on the Bad Omens tour then?” He asked, an arm around Becky, who was currently distracted by someone else who was telling her about some sound system or other, and I only briefly let myself fall into the yearning of having that kind of stable relationship, the kind of love that people would see from miles away without any of us doing anything, the kind of connection that shone through even when we weren’t talking.
“Did everyone but me know about this?”
“Well, yes,” he laughed. “As far as I know it was a joint venture, Becky, Lia, Oli and Noah all huddled together to make this happen. I guess you’re very loved.”
“God, don’t make me sappy now,” I chuckled but it was nothing but an attempt to keep the tears at bay. I’d been crying entirely too much lately, for a number of reasons, and I was getting a little tired of it.
I excused myself momentarily, citing a bathroom break, but found myself standing outside the pub instead. The cold air sent shivers up and down my body, but I didn’t mind all that much. It was a nice reminder that I wasn’t only in my head. That I was here right now. I flinched when a hand landed on my waist, a gesture so strangely intimate I knew it to be Noah before I registered anything else.
“So you two really want to spend more time with me alone after this tour?” he asked, jokingly, but he couldn’t fool me. I could see the insecurity in his eyes, in the way he stood, in the way his hand lingered on my body without quite grabbing it.
“Noah, love, I’ll always want to spend more time with you.” My hand was on his chest now, hard and lean under my fingertips, and it took all the strength I possessed not to pull him in and kiss him stupid. “If your tour wasn’t coming up so soon after, I’d probably have booked us in for a month.”
His fingers ildly played with the fabric of my makeshift dress. “Maybe-”
The door from the pub banged open with more force than it should have been able to. A rather tipsy Lia stumbled out, obnoxiously pointing at Noah as she came over.
“You! Folio threw up on the bar and they’re kicking him out and I’ve been told you’re the one to bother. He needs to get back to the hotel and you guys are sharing right? Come on. I’ll help.”
Noah sighed, deeply, but looked at me once more before turning away. “Can we talk later? The three of us? Not in my room though, for obvious reasons.”
“Sure,” I chuckled. “Oli’s room later? We can shoot you a text.”
“Perfect,” he said and then he bent down and pressed a soft kiss to my lips and I could really believe this was going to work out.
•••
The night was dying down earlier than I would have expected, but both Oli and Mat kept loudly complaining that they were not 25 anymore after all. I bit back a comment about how that luckily hadn’t impacted Oli’s performance in bed. As more and more people started leaving, Oli clung to me, leaning his body on me with much more force than necessary, then giggling at the way I almost buckled under his weight. He was a little tipsy, just on the verge of it, and it made him all kinds of needy and whiny. Although I wasn’t quite sure if that was actually down to the alcohol or if he was simply in a mood.
“I want Noah,” he mumbled into my ear as he rested his head on my shoulder. It seemed horribly uncomfortable with the height difference, but I patted his hair in what I hoped would be a calming and reassuring gesture anyway. “I miss Noah.”
“I know, baby,” I cooed. “Do you want to go back to the hotel? I can shoot him a text.”
“Please.”
The cold outside seemed to wake and sober him up considerably as we got into a cab to get back to the hotel. He immediately pulled me into the middle seat, claiming the distance was simply unacceptable.
“Thank you for helping with the job situation, by the way,” I whispered, as if it was a secret, just for the two of us. “The job, offering me a place to stay, getting me on this tour in the first place… I really don’t know how to ever thank you for everything you do for me, Oli.”
He grabbed my face then, gently, so I would look at him. Then he kissed me so deeply that I was getting lightheaded, all sensations swimming through my brain in one big mush as I allowed myself to drown in them, knowing he was holding me and keeping me safe.
“You could keep on loving me, that’s all I’ll ever ask for.”
“Well, that’s going to be very easy,” I giggled, pressing a kiss to his nose right as the driver announced our arrival.
The hotel was quiet as soon as we left the reception area. I wondered if Noah was still busy taking care of Folio. If I should text him immediately and ask him to come over. If he wanted to talk to us yet. My train of thought was interrupted when we arrived on our floor and none other than Lia left Noah and Folio’s room, quickly running over to us as I shushed her for being too loud in her heels.
“He’s finally stopped puking,” she gleefully announced. “I’m off to bed now. Noah… Well, get to your room. He’ll get in touch?”
“He’ll- what?” I asked, but Lia was already bouncing down the hallway again, refusing to stop for clarification. Oli simply shrugged his shoulders as he unlocked the door and held it open for me.
It only took a few moments.
The knock wasn’t as much as a surprise, considering we were basically waiting for Noah, but the fact that no one was there when we opened it felt a bit comical. Especially when we realised a folded up piece of paper was on the floor in front of us.
“This feels like payback,” Oli laughed breathlessly, quite obviously just as nervous about this as I was. I refused to let the overthinking get the better of me though as I bent down to pick it up and unfolded it while Oli closed the door again. When I saw the amount of text, I ushered him in the direction of the bed so we could sit on the edge and read it together. He had to help hold onto it so we could still be make out the words amid my shaking.
Aubrey, Oli, my loves.
I’ve spent the last day doing very little else but think about everything. I’ve been trying to find a winner in the war that kept waging in my head but it seemed impossible.
Well, Lia didn’t allow that. She’s quite a force, isn’t she? As soon as Folio was in bed, she basically held me at gunpoint (figuratively) while she told me what she thought about the situation and how much of a “fucking useless idiot” I was being. Then she made me write a pro and contra list on the back of this page because apparently that’s what she does when she can’t make a decision. I’m not sure if buying a new phone quite compares to this, but I humoured her. And I think it helped. Just don’t tell her that.
Noah
There was a slightly messed up heart drawn next to it. The hope was rising up in my throat like bile, threatening to make me throw up just from the sheer terror and excitement about what was happening. We were so close to an answer. This was the moment.
Oli nodded at me to turn the paper over as soon as he was also done reading. He looked white as a sheet and I was sure my own face mirrored it. My shaky fingers only got worse when I flipped the page over.
There was indeed a list in front of us. Lots of entries on the “pro” side. Ranging from “They make me laugh” to “I feel safe with them” and “They know I’m scared and they don’t mind”. The contra side was shorter, but still held a few bulletpoints. “The distance”, “Third wheel” and “How to make this work??” were scribbled there.
But none of that was the important part.
The important part was that the list had been crossed out, liberally, with a massive “x” over the whole page, making it a little harder to read some of the points. And in the middle of it, almost from one corner to the other, covering even more words, he had written one single sentence. One sentence that seemed to count more than all the others. That made everything else not matter. That made clear that he had come to a decision.
I AM IN LOVE WITH THEM.
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possessionisamyth · 3 days
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Look, listen to me, come closer. Nope, too close, take one step back. Okay, thank you. Now open your ears and hear what I'm saying.
Whole Cake but sanuso, BUT Sanji has fully transitioned via Ivankov and her poster has not been changed from the bad drawing yet. This means when they go to pick up Sanji, the disowned son, they are meeting Sanji the trans woman who cannot marry another woman ala Pudding. Not because of the gay thing, but because Charlotte Linlin expects babies from all her married kids.
Hold on, I'm not done. There's more, but it's below the cut cause I'm nice.
Okay so clown 1 and clown 2 arrive with their convincing arguments or alternative threats ready to go only to see Sanji and immediately call Judge so they can check. Is this the right person? Judge said a son didn't he?
Vito: "You have two daughters?"
Judge: "No. One daughter."
Vito: "There is a woman here calling herself Sanji."
Judge: "Sanji is my bastard son. He has the same eyebrows as the others, and he's blonde."
Both of the retrievers look at Sanji who fits the bill except for being a pissed off looking woman.
Vito: "Uh, you know what. We'll just bring 'Sanji' to you and you can make your best judgement."
Judge: "You'd better."
Sanji arrives. Reiju is doing her absolute best to remain appearing emotionless, but the giggles are being held at bay by a thread because this was the best possible way to get out of this marriage. Sanji the escape artist wins again in her eyes. The tri color brothers? They immediately start laying on the mockery and sexist comments of which Sanji is Not A Fan, but they threatened Zeff, and she needs to see how this is going to play out before doing anything. Judge? Absolutely pissed. He cannot give any of his other sons to Charlotte Linlin because they have actual value in his eyes. He was supposed to be giving the trash away, and the one thing Linlin needs out of any marriage deal is grandchildren. Grandchildren Sanji cannot provide with the one kid Linlin planned to give up ala Pudding.
Judge will either have to figure out a magical de-transition method that is instant (not possible in the time they have left). Give up one of his valuable sons (extremely not wanted). Or lie about Sanji's gender and go through the deal hoping they can get out unscathed until this is "fixed".
They opt to lie. Sanji who kept her hair short, only because longer hair was too much of a hassle in the kitchen, doesn't even have the option to be dysphoric due to the lengths the Vinsmokes are going through to pass her off as a man. Like. It's extremely pathetic. It's sad. It's one of Usopp's "I can't do X disease" level of awful and bad except Usopp's little lies were at least coming from someone cute.
They put a fake beard on her. Reiju is responsible for her make up. Clothes are tailored to hide the obvious curves. Sanji is making every step of this process as difficult as possible. There's nothing no one can do about her voice, though it's only slightly pitched up from before her transition. They tell her not to talk and slap the exploding handcuffs on her to make sure she doesn't. They say she's half mute or something, and Linlin says something like husbands are best seen and not heard. They buy it. They fucking buy it. Sanji isn't sure who's more stupid, the Vinsmokes for putting her through this fluke, or the Charlottes because they fall for it hook line and sinker. Her beard starts to fall off halfway through a meal and they rush her back to her room.
There are multiple mishaps where she's almost "caught", and her brothers are annoyed because they have to put in effort to cover for her unless they want to be auctioned off. Reiju is putting in a lot less effort to cover for her. But Sanji is tired. She is angry. She wants to go home. The fake beard is itchy. The clothes aren't her style. She misses her cute stilettos that Usopp lovingly sharpened the heels on. She is getting some entertainment from making trouble by nearly exposing her 'secret', but it does nothing to ease her worry of the ticking time clock to this farce of a wedding.
Pudding is nice at least. A little touchy, but nice. Sanji is so tempted to compliment the young girl, but the bracelets around her wrists are a very cold reminder not to.
Usually I have more to write where I go over the whole arc with this kind of headcanon, but I don't. Have some snippet ideas.
Usopp yelling out, "What did they do to my babygirl!" in earshot and Sanji giving him the wettest most pathetic sad cat eyes because she loves when Usopp calls her that and she wants TO LEAVE.
Sanji revealing her gender at the altar, and Pudding having a lesbian awakening.
Sanji actually taunting her brothers with a reversal of the sexist commentary they were throwing at her and then saving them.
Hearing multiple Charlotte kids question why Judge lied about having another son, and that they would've accepted a daughter to marry into the family. Some even say a daughter offering might've even prevented the whole assassination attempt thing.
Usopp gently putting Sanji's spiky stilettos on her feet like Cinderella and her prince, and she gets a horrible nosebleed. This happens moments before she's being dragged off to remake the wedding cake.
Pudding is still having the split genuine thirst and fake angry reactions to Sanji where she's just like (thumbs up emoji) in response.
Multiple cut scene styled flashbacks where random Charlotte kids realize Sanji was very obviously a woman, and they'd been too stupid in the moment to pay real attention to her slip ups.
Injured Sanji giving the double middle finger to the Vinsmokes as they part ways.
Luffy seriously asking Sanji why they didn't put her in a wedding dress. Were they too stupid to see she's a girl? He could tell it was really obvious so why didn't they?
Sanji in an irritated voice explaining to Luffy what they put her through, and then placing her hands on her blushing cheeks as she explains she only wants to wear a wedding dress once. She pointedly looks at Usopp and flutters her lashes. Usopp gets all bashful and smiley and starts a whole spiel about how if they got married it'd be way grander than what the Charlottes could come up with. Sanji is swooning. Nami is moments from throwing them both overboard for being way too mushy.
You got that right? Okay, good. Have a nice evening!
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Riding Mission
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Pairing: Avengers!Loki x Avengers!Reader
Warnings: smut, graphic description of smut, that means graphic sexual content, if you don't like it, don't read it. This isn't proof-read. Enjoy!
I let out a heavy sigh of frustration as I looked through the tainted window of the black, sporty car I was sitting on. I was on a mission and I was proud to be one of the best agents the Avengers have ever seen. However, my teammate wasn’t. What were the chances that out of all the Avengers I was assigned next to the most egotistical, egocentric, smarty-pants of them all? And no, I’m not talking about Tony. Iron Man would be a blessing right now.
Your teammate is also the hottest, reminded me my conscience, completely uninvited to my thoughts. It was true: he was the sexiest of them all and he was so fucking aware of it. It was infuriating. He always knew how hot he looked and he made sure that everybody around him knew it too. Hell, he probably made sure the whole fucking universe knew it.
I was suddenly pulled out of my thoughts by the sound of the car’s radio playing some hard rock music. I turned my head to the side to look at Loki, surprised. Was he out of his mind!? What am I thinking? Of course, he was.
“We’re supposed to be undercover! You’re going to get us caught!” I said almost losing it as I reached the radio and turned it off. Loki looked at me with that characteristic smirk of his.
“Oh, come on, darling. Who stays inside of a car without some music? If you ask me, that’s even weirder than anything else,” he answered, turning the radio back on. I immediately turned it off again.
“Well, no one really asked you,” I spatted with a side glance to the God of Mischief. He lifted one hand to his chest, mocking he was hurt by my comment.
“Oh, my darling, why so harsh? You break my heart,” he snarls with a smirk. “Don’t you think that two people sitting in a car without talking is suspicious, dear?” his green eyes shone with mischief, and I could see it even in the darkness of our surveillance spot. “But if we make out, then it’d be quite normal, don’t you agree?” He kept smirking and I rolled my eyes at him.
“And how, pray tell, will we keep on our spying mission if we’re doing that?” I asked turning my gaze away from him so he wouldn’t notice just how much I wanted to do what he proposed. Loki chuckled.
“I am a god, darling. I can do a lot of things at the same time. You’d be surprised. So, shall we?” Loki smirked again. I rolled my eyes at him one more time.
“That’s because you’ve never made out with me, mischief,” I didn’t know where that cockiness came from. Maybe I was spending too much time with Loki and his ego. Anyway, I couldn’t help a proud smile spread on my lips as I saw how much he liked my answer.
“Now you’re challenging me, little dove. And I’ve never been known for turning down a challenge,” his smirk grew wider.
“Uh-huh. That’s why you ended up pregnant of a horse, isn’t it?” My proud smile got bigger. His pale cheeks turned a little rosy.
“T-that’s…” he cleared his throat. “That’s not what happened and it’s not even relevant right now. Are you so afraid of a little kiss with me? Do I have that much influence on your heart, darling?”
You’ve got no fucking idea.
“Who even told you I want to kiss you, anyway?” I huffed, crossing my arms on my chest and looking through the window again. Loki chuckled.
“I believe you want it so much that it scares you,” he whispered in my ear.
I jumped in surprise because of his proximity. Of course, I was sitting in a car, so I really wasn’t able to get away from him too much. Loki smirked at my reaction and brought his face even closer to mine. He moved one of his big hands to my neck, where he caressed my jawline with his thumb, looking deep into my eyes with his bright green ones. My breath came out short as I was unable to move or say anything. Loki kept looking at me, waiting. He could’ve easily kissed me but I could see that he was waiting for me to give him my consent. That made my heart beat even faster.
I realised then that I was wrong about Loki this whole time. His cockiness and selfishness were just a facade. He didn’t truly believe he was the best; he thought he was the worst. But he couldn’t let anybody see his weak spot, not even his brother, so he kept everybody at bay by being an insufferable pain in the ass. However, for some mysterious reason I still had to discover, he let his guard down with me. It probably wasn’t intentional: he wasn’t able to control what his green eyes showed me by being this close to me. Of course, he knew about this power of mine, so maybe he was indeed doing it on purpose. Maybe he was tired of not being seen, of being thought of as a shallow and superficial god who only thinks about himself. One could never know with him.
My senses left me defenceless right at that moment. I wasn’t able to think as all these new revelations about Loki took away every rational part of me. I moved my face, closing the short distance between us, and kissing his lips passionately and hungrily. Loki grunted against my lips as he kissed me back with the same intensity. I moved my hand to his nape as he kept caressing my jaw with his thumb. Though there was nothing sweet about our kiss, it wasn’t purely sexual either. There was something more, something that went deeper. We should probably analyse it and give it some thought, but that wasn’t the place or the time.
I opened my mouth almost at the same time Loki did. His tongue stroked mine slowly, lazily, sensually. My breathing got heavier as our kiss deepened. I grabbed a bunch of his long, wavy, black hair in between my fingers, pulling it a little and Loki grunted again. He caressed the side of my body through my leather bodysuit, appreciating my curves. The more he caressed me, the more I craved his touch. It felt as if we were two magnets, attracting each other more and more. The gearshift in between us, as small as it was, was bothering me more than I would’ve ever imagined. I wanted, no, I needed to be closer to him, even when his tongue was inside my mouth.
It seemed that Loki felt the same way -or he was reading my mind, pretty probably knowing him. He took off my seatbelt and his before he lifted me a little to bring me on top of him in his seat. I didn’t mind it one bit, though. In this new position, I could explore his torso more thoroughly and I didn’t waste a second to do it. Loki smirked against my mouth and I bit down his lower lip just for him to stop his arrogant attitude -even when it was part of his charm. I got rewarded with a low, guttural moan coming from his chest which had me smirking instead.
Loki looked into my eyes while he moved both of his big hands down the sides of my body and down to my hips. I stared back at him as I rolled my hips on top of his. I felt his arousal through his leather trousers -there was no way he could hide something so big and hard. I moaned softly and he bit down his lower lip, clearly trying to repress his moan. I smirked again as I kept rolling my hips on top of his, our lips still glued together as we started to breathe heavily. Loki moved one of his hands up my body until he reached my cheek. His big hand cupped my cheek completely while his green eyes locked deeply into mine.
Just that stare left me completely breathless.
“Darling, I want to-”
“Yes,” I interrupted him with a breathy voice.
I kissed him again passionately, exploring his mouth with my tongue at the same time I unzipped the leather black top of his suit, exploring his broad chest with my fingers. I felt him shiver in delight under my touch and I broke our kiss to smile. As I enjoyed the softness of his scarce chest hair, my lips went down his perfect and clean jawline. I left an open-mouthed kiss right in that spot where his neck meet his ear and Loki let out a soft moan of appreciation. While I kissed and nibbled my way down his neck, his hands expertly caressed every part of my body that would turn me on even more. He definitely knew what he was doing, but I tried not to think much about that and kept enjoying his ministrations and my exploration of his pale skin. Loki pulled down my leather bodysuit’s zipper, letting my breasts free. He cupped both of them in his big hands, squeezing them softly with the perfect amount of pressure to make me gasp and feel a little pleasure, but never pain. He then pinched my nipples a little, teasing me and sending a wave of pleasure directly to my core. I moaned when Loki surrounded one of my nipples with his warm mouth, teasing it with his expert tongue.
Loki helped me to pull down his trousers, freeing his throbbing hard cock from its prison. He was the biggest I’ve ever seen without a doubt and I felt myself getting wetter at the sight. How I wished I could drop to my knees and take him in my mouth, savouring his salty pre-cum. Sadly, I was barely able to straddle him on his seat in the car.
Another time…
I grabbed his cockhead in my hand, squeezing it just a little and caressing his slit with my thumb before I went all the way down his base and up again. Loki grunted against my breast where his mouth still was and soon enough he was thrusting his hips to meet the movements of my hand on his cock.
“You’re driving me insane, darling…” He moaned as our movements didn’t cease, tilting his head back to his seat. I smirked and put my lips next to his ear.
“I want you inside me, Loki, please…” I begged in a whisper, feeling he’d like that.
Loki groaned and his green eyes shone even more in the night. Suddenly, my whole body leather suit was missing my bottom part. He grabbed my underwear and tore it into pieces, making me gasp. Loki guided my hips down his bing length as a moan escaped us both. He bottomed up inside me and stood still, letting me adjust to his big cock inside me completely. I didn’t want to wait, though. Who the fuck cared if I wasn’t able to walk straight for a few days? I wanted Loki to fuck me with all his might. So I started to ride him as fast as I could in the limited space we had. Loki grabbed my hips as he thrust into me hard; his fingers leaving marks on my hips. I moaned and looked into his eyes as he looked back into mine. We were connecting on a much deeper level than just a quick fuck in the car we were supposed to be on a spying mission in. It scared me a little but at the same time, I didn’t have much time to think about anything else than the wild pleasure of Loki thrusting his big cock inside me. I completely lost it when he moved one of his hands towards my core and rubbed my clit in circular, rapid motions with his thumb. He was still thrusting into me and I could feel my climax getting closer at the overstimulation.
“Cum for me, darling,” Loki commanded me through gritted teeth.
My walls started to close more and more around his shaft as I moaned his name higher and higher. Some more thrusts and I came undone on top of him, moaning his name until I was physically unable to utter any more sounds. Loki followed me a few seconds later, digging his fingers into my hip and letting out a guttural, sultry moan. We both trembled with the aftershocks of our orgasms as we tried to recover the normal pace of our breathing.
“Hey, guys,” Tony’s voice in our ear startled us both, as we both looked at each other with surprise written all over our features. “In my name and the name of the whole team, next time you decide to fuck, turn off your intercoms. And you can keep the car, by the way.”
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spaceorphan18 · 1 day
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More thoughts on XM97 - because of course I have more thoughts...
Doing some more reflection, because this is what I do during hyperfixation, apparently.
It helps to write things down and get them out of my head, I suppose. Honestly, it'll be nice to get past the last episode, because then I can compartmentalize and just push the thing away until season 2 (if the finale gives me any reason to want to come back).
DeMayo went on another tweeting spree (I just keep an eye on these things because I get curious) and during this particular bout, I feel like I've got somethings clarified. And I think my own personal frustrations come down to - the ideas of writing and creating vs fan expectations.
Overall, I do think that XM97 is a solidly good (or at least entertaining) show. The animation is good. The voice cast is good. And the ideas they are using, in theory, are more adult and mature and nuanced than the original kids' show ever was (which, I'll give TAS some credit - dug deeper a lot of times when most kids' cartoons of the time didn't).
One of the biggest issues for me has been execution. First of all, the show is way too short for the amount they're trying to pack in here. It almost feels like they wanted to do everything on their wishlist because if they didn't, they wouldn't get the chance to do it. And it feels, muddied... They really needed a full season to unpack a lot of this.
The thing about Rogue and Gambit's story.... I get the 'kill your darlings' strategy of writing. In fact, I agree that good stories are messy and have conflict and you should always put your heroes through the worst. I feel like there was a better way to do the story (I believe) they're telling.
I don't think Magneto needed to be a part of it at all, and the triangle just feels... forced in a lot of ways. I understand that they went there to give Remy some heartbreak along the way, but I truly believe the two of them, with their own issues, and the two of them being in an undefined relationship with complicated issues over touch -- still could have resulted in compelling TV, and still would kept the devastation of Gambit's death.
Episode 5 is still my favorite, and despite my distaste for the whole Magneto side of it, I think the writing there was top notch, and still the best this show has been. I get, though, that they wanted to have Rogue and Gambit "break up" for the impact to hit harder, for Rogue to feel much more guilt once he died, for that last line to be even more heartbreaking.
So, the easiest route was to add the Magneto of it all. Episode 5 is brilliant in a vacuum. But in greater context there are other ways you can get there. And, no, Magneto wasn't ultimately needed. Rogue still could have had regrets, there still could have been heartbreak, there are always things you just don't say before a tragedy.
The thing about it, had they set this up correctly, and in a way that was more satisfying and didn't involve third parties? You may have gotten way more of the Rogue and Gambit fans on board. (And I'll get to the fan side of this in a second.)
See, TAS flirted with Rogue and Gambit's romance but never pushed it too far. Not only was it a kids' show, but Rogue probably would have never had her powers under control and it just was never going to go that far. Meanwhile, the comics have moved way beyond where TAS was. Rogue and Gambit's relationship has evolved a lot in thirty years - way past the tragedy, past the will-they/won't-they, past the break ups and reunions, and in the comics, Rogue and Gambit are a relatively healthy (for a comic book couple) couple of best friends and old marrieds. They're story is so far beyond what they once were that going back to TAS feels... odd.
So, the show starting in this place where TAS left off feels awkward in a lot of ways. There's a lot of expectations layered onto this show, but the show -- being limited by external factors, can't really handle all of it.
I don't think the first few episodes of the show did enough to show the sheer strength of Rogue and Gambit's connection and relationship. And part of that was time and part of that is because it's a sequel to a show set thirty years ago and part of it is time compression and part of it is the writing wanting to leave some vague open-endedness to the relationship so that Episode 5 could work.
And thus Episode 5 feels a bit jarring. It's way more a mature script. There's much more going on in those relationships that we haven't seen set up. Not really. And it's almost relying too much on - things that were mildly set up in the original and the heavy history of the comics.
Which leads me to what has happened afterwards. I think that in a world sans the Magneto of it all, you still get a Rogue who is absolutely heartbroken over the loss of her love. She would still go dark. She would still seek vengeance. She would still wrap herself up in that trench coat and wreck havoc on everyone until she ultimately succumbed to her own grief and eventually dealt with it in one way or the other.
(The part that I just don't agree with -- besides giving up the trench coat, which I know is symbolic in gesture -- is her running off to play Colossus in Fatal Attractions. Which, again, is why they did add the Magneto of it all, but I'm digressing.)
Anyway, this leads me to the fan expectations, and why it does feel so raw for a lot of us. Rogue and Gambit have never really had their time to shine. The films are full of mischaracterizations and limited (very limited) appearances. The other TV shows never let the relationship shine. And even in the comics it felt like forever for the X-Office to take them seriously.
This TV show felt like an opportunity to start fresh. To be excited about something. To get behind the characters we love and celebrate them. We can still break their hearts. We can still even kill them off. But give us a reason to care!
But instead of building that relationship with us fans, it went a different route. And now we feel heartbroken and angry, instead of just heartbroken. Gambit fans - who get shit on so often - get one bright of moment of glory before a death that feels somewhat hollow when you start to realize it was in purpose of someone else's story. Rogue fans - have the internet hating her with a passion. It feels like once again - being set up only to fail.
It feels hurtful, even when, I truly believe, that was not the writers' intentions. Make your characters go through hell - yes, but you have to have your audience on your side to make it impactful.
I don't really know where the show goes from here. There's either going to be closure or a cliffhanger. What I'd really like, though, is some sort of hope.
Because I get real life sucks. And I get that we often reflect in our fiction that it does. But we're talking about a cartoon about superheroes. We're talking about escapism at its finest. I love complicated and messy and nuanced and sometimes even heartbreaking stories -- but I also want something that makes it all worth while.
There is still one episode left, and I'm curious as to where it's going to go. Because at the end of the day, X-Men has always been about hope, too.
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preggomancer · 2 days
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Mother is really cool!! Is there background as to why it was created?
oh you would not believe how much thought I put into this 
SHORT ANSWER: due to the whole post-apocalypse situation, there was a population crisis and Mother was built as an ethical solution. 
LONG ANSWER: The setting is sort of post-post-apocalypse, where society is getting its legs back under it. (is. That the saying. Anyway) Mother is from the dwindling remains of a civilization which was never huge to begin with, but now has only a few thousand people. At this point, birth control/abortion etc are universally accessible, and in a society where most traditional values were scrapped in favor of survival, not a ton of people want to get pregnant. Because it’s hard and unpleasant and also everyone’s kind of busy with the rebuilding society thing. This meant they were at risk of dying out in a few generations. Because this particular society is run partially by a bunch of AI who think very hard about ethics all the time, they weren’t about to force anyone to have kids against their will. So they all thought extremely hard about what to do, and figured out that the only ethical solution was to create a robot specifically for the purpose of procreation. 
This was itself a whole problem. They have the tech to grow babies whole cloth, but it’s far too difficult and resource-intensive to do on a large scale. They originally considered implanting an AI in a donor corpse, but aside from the challenge of having to find a donor with the right body parts and age who just happened to die in a way that sticking a robo brain in there would fix, that raises a whole slew of ethical problems with autonomy. Does the new host have a right to pilot around this body, where is the line between body and person, etc etc. 
So the solution they set on was to grow one body which would never have a human mind. Which just came down to developing a fetus with almost no brain—just enough for basic physical functions. The body was then run by a dummy program for about a decade, which had no intelligence, but just kept it alive and healthy until it had enough fine motor skills to not be super annoying to live in. They then replaced the dummy program with Mother. 
To the robots, this was a perfect ethical solution which totally negated any concerns about autonomy. Mother's not human, and never was! It has total autonomy, so they can be sure it's acting of its own free will, and it's just programmed so that it'll (most likely) choose to perform its role as surrogate. Of course, a lot of humans still feel weird about it, because we have all these built-in ideas about the human soul and whatnot. I imagine that its a lot like some humans are having this ongoing existential philosophical crisis about the whole thing and the robots just can't comprehend what the issue is.
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littleoddwriter · 4 months
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Because I keep questioning my own writing a lot; especially in terms of ending a short story... sometimes, it really is easier to just treat what you write like a movie or a TV show you're watching. Especially if it's a short fic that is basically just a single scene. Like... Would there be a scene change now and it'd feel complete? If yes, then it's an appropriate ending. If no, then either you write one more paragraph or let it rest for a bit, come back to it, and see how you feel. Or you find a spot a little earlier because sometimes scenes can drag on for too long and need to be cut shorter in order to be satisfying and make sense.
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artykyn · 11 months
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I was like “I’m so excited to move somewhere new and do a lot of exploring and traveling!” only to discover that actually I find exploring to be really boring when I’m alone
Like yeah sure I can go on a road trip and see some cool views and interesting places. But if I’m not sharing those memories with someone, then all my memories might as well just be dreams. I want somebody pointing things out to me and saying something funny about it. I wanna point things out to them. Quietly gazing at the ocean is boring alone, but a wholesome relaxing moment if I’m with someone. When something weird happens I want someone to laugh with me. When I’m alone I just go “huh okay” and move on.
At first I thought “maybe I can get a remote job and then pop around living in temporary housing for a few months at a time and explore everywhere!!” but the more I learn about myself, the more I realize I would be soooo bored. Unless I had a partner who also had a remote job and was willing to lead a lifestyle like that. 
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It's dead af at work. We got through our four reservations and have had no walk ins, and my manager won't cut me because he hates doing my job (and we're friends and he knows I need the money) and tbh I don't want to be cut (can't really afford to be) but I'm actually going insane from sitting on my stool, going through Tumblr, Insta, Kindle, then standing up and going through those apps again, then sitting down and going through those apps again, etc. it's nice to get paid to do nothing, because tbh if I was cut then I'd just be doing this but in my bed, but I'm getting so fucking restless.
#truly im unneeded rn#my other manager gave me the option to be cut before my shift even started but again. I'm broke af#so i came in. and im getting paid $15 an hour to scroll through all of my apps#and im trying to be mildly productive#trying to do some resding because i didnt resd as much as i wanted this month#to make up for it i finished three books in the last two days and im going for a fourth#one of them i had already started. one was pretty short. and one was so good that i tore through it fast#this is a more difficult story. about a school shooting. not super fun but a good story nonetheless#you ever read a book and then want to forget it so you can read it for the first time again?#i just read jumper by Melanie Crowder and it was so good. although apparently the diabetes information isnt accurate#but the story was very very good and kept me interested the whole way#the problem with this school shooting story is that its good. it draws my attention. but its understandably very hard to read#fourteen ish minutes until my paycheck goes through and then i find out if i can pay rent this month#that's part of why im restless too. nervous about paying rent. my job hours are unpredictable and so are the paychecks#i think ill be okay but as always im terrified that it wont#anyway im in a bit of a reading rut. if you hsve any book recs (not a big fan of fantasy. generally like realistic fiction. ya. lgbt)#that type of stuff. like jumper. the Miseducation of Cameron Post. message not found. stuff like that#open to recommendations#love yall. i hope you all have more thsn enough money to pay rent
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croakings · 6 months
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wrote like 5 thousand words for nano today,,,,,, we are ALMOST out of that deficit lol
#*#nano#''oh yeah i'll catch up during my vacation'' i say and then do the adjusted minimum (if even) the whole time and ONLY#go hard like. two days out of the whole week#i had a 9k lag that i kept creeping out of and then kicking myself back into but WE ARE BACK BABEY#i have to do an extra 600 ONLY tomorrow and then i'm back to the 1667 minimum.#god. this year is kicking my ASS#wait until you see my graphs. they're ven better than they should be because some days#i put my wordcount. Not where it was. to not fall into a pit of deapair at my sad lines#so my triumphant returns are leas visible but even with my lying to myself. you can absolutely see the slumps.#anyway#TODAY WAS SO HARRRRD good lord i hope 50k finishes this up.#otherwise since i think it'll get me close i'll have to KEEP WRITING and then i have to EDIT and tho. i Love editing.#i have been sitting around so much i am tired of sitting around. i'm going to throw mothman (my laptop) out a window.#be free old friend....................... reach for the sky...........................................#DOUBLE anyway#wwwwwouuuugggggggghh even takinf a year off writing really kills you.#i say. as tho i haven't been writing more than usual this year actually.#BUT ITS BEEN SHORT STUFF..... little bursts......... Not Like This lmaoooooo#1 month to write 6k is not nano. these are different beasts.#triple. AND quadruple anyway. i hope the ao3 folks tell me i am so funny and good at writing by GOD do nice comments help the pain.......#who DOESN'T giggle and kick their feet when someone says Whoa This Rules. i sure do. it keeps me going.#ok i have used up my last anyway goodbye. fare thee well fellow writers may you too survive the rest of this last week#and be showered with a bunch of compliments when you're done. here's one from me:#you're doing so good and you are so strong and brave for tackling nano and your story ROCKS you've worked so hard on it.#i hope u r proud bc u deserve to be. even if you dropped out. that story is still in your Brain. and it can hatch one day even if#it's different from how it is now. and if it doesn't hatch it can keep you company forever. and that rules too.#i am SO TIRED but with the last of my strength. a kissaroo from me to you. muah. fight on 🫡💪
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fabuloustrash05 · 1 year
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Hello! I love your stories on Ao3 especially with Mona Lisa & Raphael! They’re just so good!!!! 🤩🤩🤩 Anyway, I just looked up the meaning to ‘Mary Sue’ and I’m just wondering why April from 2012 was continually called that, and is that why she and Donnie didn’t go well as a ship in the show fandom? No shade to 2012 April but still I wanna know, please and thank you. 😊
First off, thank you! <3
Secondly, I will admit I originally was one of those people who thought 2012 April was a Mary Sue (don’t believe that anymore) and usually people’s criticism of her are just full on mindless hate and not any good logical reasons. But if you don’t like 2012 April that’s valid! I’ll respect you’re opinion, just please don’t say she’s a Mary Sue when in truth, she’s not.
To keep it short, from personal experience and from what I’ve seen, 2012 April haters often felt April had it too easy, like how she became a kunoichi with ease (she didn’t she worked hard for it like everyone else) and her psychic powers and being half Kraang making her overpowered (I still kinda agree on that) or how she’s the main key the Kraang need to complete their evil plans. The hater felt as if she had it way too easy (not true), with two guys being in love with her and being “manipulative” towards the both of them (though Casey and Donnie are no saints either in that love triangle) and haters believing she can do no wrong and never faced any consequences for her actions (again not true) and acting like a spoiled brat.
Again, these are NOT my personal opinions of her now, I’m just saying what I’ve seen the haters say about her.
And I think the reason why Donnie x April didn’t get received well by fans is because fans usually dislike the idea of April being in a romantic relationship with any of the turtles. That and how the writers handled Donnie and April’s relationship to some felt uncomfortable and sloppy at times. How Donnie’s feelings towards her came off as obsessive and stalkerish while April’s feelings were often unclear and we were never truly given her thoughts and feelings on the situation, just hints, never anything direct from her. That’s not even to mention that their romance plot kinda gets forgotten about by the beginning of season 3 and nothing ever really comes of it after that. We just see them hang out together and occasionally have a cute moment and that’s it. There was never a big pay off so it felt pointless to even have this ship exist in the first place when nothing really came of it. The sad thing is, this ship could’ve worked, it’s just the writers didn’t know how to handle it.
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unpretty · 1 year
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a fact about me is that i was an early bloomer who hit puberty in elementary school and was immediately, obnoxiously horny in ways that were uncomfortable for everyone because no one is prepared for an elementary schooler with b cups and a deep fascination with movies where people get tied up. another fact is that because i was considered smart for my age in the ways that mattered, i just accepted all this as a single package, the many ways that i was not really a child the way other children were children but was instead a miniature adult. i was technically a child, but not really, as far as i was concerned. it also did not occur to me until around high school that i was fat, because i instead considered myself to be sturdy, to be buff, to be built like a tank.
so somewhere around middle school i am noticing the ways in which i am Not Like Other Girls, the ways in which i am not what society says a girl is and the ways that things marketed to girls do not appeal to me. i don't know how other girls dealt with this, but i very rationally decided that i was only technically a girl, in the way that i was only technically a child. so i looked at the things that did appeal to me, and that i did enjoy, and reverse engineered my demographic to decide that on a practical and functional level i was a middle-aged man. i had also gotten really hornily into wolverine because of the first x-men movie, and ended up reading a lot of comics, so as you can imagine the comic book version of wolverine who is short and built like a tank and older than he looks despite being for all intents and purposes a middle aged man really had some appeal to me.
there are idiots who say shit about how tomboys would be considered trans these days or whatever, but i can assure you that was not what was happening here. by middle school i already had to special order bras and i was fine with that because of the many weird fetishes i was developing, none of which can be blamed on the internet because i hadn't found that shit yet and also to this day you would have a hard time finding anything similar to the things i wrote in my secret notebook and immediately destroyed. the fact that i was technically a girl was vital to all this. media where there was a big reveal that some cool dude had been a hot chick the whole time was my shit. weird feral beast people who turned out to be hot women once they took a bath? fuck yes. i would never have cut my hair because that would have ruined my chances to take off a helmet and reveal that i had girl hair. at no point did i think i was anything but a girl, it was just that i was functionally a middle-aged man, who was a girl.
what this means is that i still liked all the things i already liked, such as leather jackets and comic books and anime and old stand-up comedy, but i also did extensive research on the other things i felt i should like according to the demographic i had assigned myself. i watched vh1's 'i love the 70s' with the air of someone trying to hide their amnesia, even though my parents were children in the 70s. i got into the beatles. i tried to get into cars for a while before accepting that i only liked the vintage car aesthetic and couldn't be fucked to know actual car facts. i wore nothing but cargo shorts and aloha shirts for a while, which didn't really stand out that much because it was middle school. i bought a fedora and became a libertarian atheist. i made plans to buy a motorcycle (i could not ride a bike).
i gave up on it after a while because quite frankly my titty situation meant there was never really going to be a big reveal that i'd been a girl the whole time. it was pretty obvious even with the cargo shorts. also the older of a teen i was, the more likely it felt that i could maybe get laid, except i could tell that was never going to happen as long as i kept wearing cargo shorts. it took longer to give up the fedora because it was leather and i wore it with my leather jacket and fingerless gloves, which i convinced myself worked a lot better after i'd gone full high school goth. i lived in the desert so you can imagine how well that worked out for me, smell-wise.
anyway that's how my female socialization went, i don't think it was particularly successful tbqh
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loriache · 1 month
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"I've been waiting for ages for somebody to unmask them."
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This moment tends to elicit negative reactions in a first read through, and I've got some opinions about why where Kabru is coming from here actually makes a lot of logical sense. So I thought I'd elaborate on that.
I think people hear this and go, "He thinks they must be hiding something because they gave money to someone? What a cynic." Or "he dislikes them because they did charity?? What's wrong with this guy!". And obviously, a lot, a lot is wrong with him. But I think this makes more sense than it seems at first glance! What people evaluating this judgement miss is why Kabru is paying attention to Laios and co to begin with.
Kabru knows of the Touden siblings because (he's a little bit of a stalker-) he is keeping an eye on all the relevant parties in events developing on the island, in order to be able to guide them to his preferred outcome. This includes adventurers because they are the ones actually exploring the dungeon! He's well aware that something as minor as internal tensions between party members could be key to the historical events that are developing. (He would love the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand.)
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His desired outcome is that whatever the rewards are of breaking the dungeon's curse, whether that's kingship or the ancient elven secrets of dungeons, are claimed by:
A) a short lived person
B) Someone who will be a good, effective leader and/or use those secrets and the power they carry wisely, with foresight, and to establish a political bloc for short lived people.
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The person he can best trust to do this is, of course, himself. But due to his PTSD regarding dungeons and monsters, he's not able to develop the necessary skills to conquer the dungeon. Once he realises this, he starts looking for someone else who he can support to that end.
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But most of the adventurers don't have any intentions of conquering the dungeon, don't have the skills, or are unsuitable in other ways. In fact, it seems like some potentially suitable people are the Toudens. There are a lot of good rumours about them going around - they actually seem to have a very positive reputation! That's what Kabru means when he says "unmask".
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So when Kabru is observing something like them giving money to an old comrade from their gold-peeling days, he doesn't consider it a problem because "they're giving money to this person who doesn't actually need it" or because they must have some dark secret if they act superficially nice. I think he actually understands this situation and what it implies about Laios (in particular) perfectly well.
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Laios and Falin gave money to an old comrade who got injured and couldn't work. That person then healed up but kept taking their money. Then he used the money to start smuggling illicit goods to the island.
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The key is that for Kabru, the problem here is the same as with the corpse retrievers - people using the dungeon's resources to fuel dangerous, selfish, or violent pursuits cause problems for the island, attract more criminals and people with motives other than breaking the curse, and increase the chances of the whole situation ending in tragedy.
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Kabru is willing to work with the Shadow Lord of the island if it gets him to his goal - he isn't scrupulous - but the criminal element of the island increasing is something he sees as a major issue.
Also, when you're evaluating someone as a candidate for power, riches, secrets, potentially kingship - then being curious about how the money you give to people is going to be used is kind of a relevant trait!
Interpersonally, Kabru's actually very easygoing - I mean, Mickbell isn't exactly an upstanding guy, is he! But Kabru likes him and they get along well. These traits wouldn't be a problem at all in a friend, or a comrade, or someone Kabru was confident he could use. But he can't get a handle on Laios, and Laios is someone who has the potential to be a major player!
On Laios' end, this is the same as with the marriage seeker who joined their party. She kept asking for things and he gave them to her, because he tries to be nice to others. He even gives her money! It's the exact same thing.
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That's fine, but it became a problem because he basically wasn't interested in her motives, didn't notice she was trying to manipulate him, and it also didn't occur to him that the other party members would notice or be affected. We can assume the situation with the gold peeler is the same. When Kabru says that "It's not that they're bad people, they just aren't interested in humans," he isn't wrong.
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The extent to which this is true of Laios is linked to his autism imo, (because it isn't just disinterest - he genuinely isn't able to notice nonverbal cues that people are lying to him or have ulterior motives) but to a greater or lesser extent I think it's a very common trait. Most people aren't actually that interested in other people who aren't close to them. Kabru is the weird one here. It isn't an issue except as a leader - which is why we see an immediate comparison to the Island's Lord, because that's how Kabru is evaluating them.
And disinterest in/lack of ability with people to the extent Laios exhibits it, it does, actually, make him a worse leader... it's just that as we see in the story, people can help him out. The rest of the party tell him the marriage seeker is taking advantage of him so he tells her he can't give her special treatment anymore. They're pissed and it's a crisis point - he couldn't have recovered their trust without Marcille and Falin - but that's exactly the point. With Marcille and Falin, he was able to recover their trust.
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And he has other good traits that make up for it, such as his intelligence, strategic knowledge, open-mindedness and sense of fairplay.
Kabru doesn't disqualify Laios as a candidate based on what he sees about him from afar, though - he still tries very hard to get close to him, obviously hoping that if he manages he can steer Laios to defeat the dungeon and make up for his lack of people-skills in the aftermath. (Which... he does eventually achieve that goal!) He completely fails until the events of the story, so... definitely I think "They just aren't interested in humans" could also partially be a stung reaction to Laios' complete disinterest in him.
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Anyway, that's my read on what exactly Kabru's "issue" with Laios is. Obviously, once he does find out what Laios' true nature is like - about his love for monsters - he develops an entirely new set of fears about Laios' priorities. But since Laios kept that a secret until the start of the story, he has no idea of that yet.
Given all that, I think it's interesting that he says that he doesn't think that the Toudens are suitable to defeat the dungeon, and that he's hoping they'll turn out to be the thieves. As some of his few potential candidates, people who he thinks may play a big role in the island's future, you'd think he'd hope they would be good people!
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I suppose it's better, in his eyes, because it means that he's involved in something "interesting". They haven't just had their stuff stolen by regular criminals (boring, puts them further away from his goal) - they've been caught up in the beginning stages of "a historic event". The desperate and dwindling group forgetting morals in their quest to retrieve their lost comrade probably appeals to his sense of melodrama. Because he also just... loves drama.
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Despite it being "uglier than anything he was expecting", he still pursues Laios as the person he wants to conquer the dungeon pretty much as soon as it becomes clear that he won't be able to do it himself and they are out of time. That's because... well, to be fair, there aren't any other options. And he fits standard A: he's short-lived!
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and Kabru still hopes he can fit standard B, too, and be persuaded to use the power he wins for good. No matter how many nightmares he has about Laios, or whether he thinks about killing him. He doubts him, but ultimately he puts his faith in him and seems happy after the manga's ending that he made the right decision.
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textmel8r · 10 days
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[ SMAU + DRABBLE ] 𝐒𝐔𝐆𝐀𝐑 𝐁𝐀𝐁𝐘 ! ( fifth installment ) in which you find toji fushiguro’s number off a sugar baby site .
୨୧˚ part; one. two. three. four. five.
୨୧˚ incl; toji fushiguro
୨୧˚ cw; sugar mommy! reader , sugar baby! toji , mommy kink , drug + alcohol usage , smut drabble , submissive toji , soft sex , profanity
୨୧˚ an; guys… i don’t know what took over me when i wrote this one….im sorry ,, also yes drabble time, you all knew this would happen eventually don’t act surprised 🙄🙄🙄
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come over and show me then
The last message Toji had sent you. He was bold, heart racing just the slightest bit when he thumbed that frightening, little arrow icon to send a text that would most likely change his whole relationship chemistry with you. You, the kind hearted woman who graced him with your undying benevolence and wealth. 
You, the woman Toji called mommy not even twelve hours ago during an idiotic, drunken stupor. 
You, the woman who graced his bed, peering up to him with the softest gaze Toji’d ever been observed with. It was an odd sight–you splayed on his mattress. Dawning a lavish top; silken, Toji absentmindedly recognizes the fabric ( then proceeds to grimace at the fact that he can actually discern between different breeds of fabric. Your lifestyle was rubbing off on him ) and thinks you look out of place. An expensive jewel among the dank cave of his shoddy bedroom.  
Toji crawls in after you, winding up your side, clinging akin to a baby koala bear. Still, he doesn’t speak, preferring to let the sounds of sheets sliding against each other fill the gaps of silence. You take his hulking body in those loving arms and break the quiet. “I’m not buying you for the night.” You cradle his cheek; you make him look up to you and Toji nods under your hand. “You know that, right?”
He nods again. “Sure,” and for once, it comes out without a modicum of sarcasm. Because Toji believes it when you tell him that you’re not looking to gain access to his body through flimsy transactions. Your sincerity is displayed through the months of torturous anticipation. Months of him on the cusp of begging–and Toji Fushiguro has never begged for anything in his goddamned miserable life. Your sincerity is displayed through the gingerness in which you hold his face. Because how could someone with such gentle hands ever tell a lie? And your sincerity is displayed through your words. You tell Toji things that nobody has ever told him before. Nice things, reassuring things despite his insistence on being an asshole to you.
Toji pushes his torso to be propped up on an elbow before he leans in. It’s not a tame first kiss by any means; Toji is mammalian in the way his teeth gnash yours and his tongue laves your cupid’s bow. “Slow,” you whisper in the short absence of his lips. “Slowly.” A command that he feels inclined to follow like some kept mutt, swapping out the animalistic pace with a more refined, controlled tempo. Your face was swallowed by two massive hands; they clamped on either side of your jaw, calloused and dry and forcefully pulling you closer. “Just like that, Toji.”
The way you say his name… Fuck. Toji grunts, swinging a heavy thigh over your own to situate between your legs. “I’ve never,” there's a pause when he leans in to suck the tip of your tongue, “been so desperate to be inside a woman.” His thick tongue worms back into your mouth, pushing smoky saliva down your throat. You were writhing; your hand slides over his, the one still tending to your cheek, and you guide it lower. He let you drag his hand down the smooth slope of your neck, over the hill of your delicate chest, across the plain of your soft tummy to meet the waistband of your designer pants. 
Your head tilts, something devious glinting in the colored rings of your eyes that have Toji so enchanted. He plucks at the brass button of your pants, nudging the point of his nose to the high of your cheekbone. Breathing in the luxury branded perfume that overpowered the cigarette stench still lingering in his room from his morning smoke; evidenced by the stub crumbled in the glass tray on his wobbly nightstand. “What about the girl…Girl from last night?” 
Toji smiles at the breathy question. “What girl?” He hums cheekily against your mouth, letting his tongue slip back through the seam of your delicious lips. You slap his face rather playful, but his breath hitches all the same.
“Dick.”
At last, he pops the button. The acrylic of your nails sink into the meat of his forearm, legs widening, ass shifting; all of the signs that Toji hyperfixated on. The way you tell him to keep going without so much as saying a word has him hotter than anytime another woman has begged for his touch in bed. Toji kisses you as he dips beneath the ajar slacks, then those sheer panties, slipping down to where you needed him most. You’re wet, he notes to himself. Wet, squelching and red hot when his thick middle finger sandwiches itself between the labia. 
Both pairs of legs tangled together amidst the desperation. While Toji touches you, you’re hiking your leg up–the one snuggled between two of the man’s built thighs. It presses to his clothed crotch, and you reach around grab a handful of his ass. “Hump it,” you dictate, using his ass cheek as leverage to pull his hips down against your awaiting thigh. Toji jolts; never had his ass been grabbed like that, but he thinks he likes it.
So he grinds. His groin crashes against your leg with rough enthusiasm, so rough that it should be a threat to your poor femur bone. But he doesn’t let up. Toji’s arm tenses and shakes with exertion as he fingers you, forearm burning from the intensity at which he moves. But he doesn’t let up.
“Fuck,” he huffs. “Fuck.”
What is he, some kind of dog? Chasing his high against a leg, licking your neck, barking obscenities into existence. Had you been anyone else, Toji would have had them bent at the waist over his bed, forcing their face into his lonesome pillow and taking what he needed. But you had this certain authority–you’d always had–as if you owned him. Not that you would ever admit that, nor did you believe it, but Toji did. You pay for his living quarters, his meals, his clothes, his car, hell, his time. The leash was cuffed at his throat, leather digging into his flesh, and he fucking loved it. Toji would wait for your instructions like a well behaved puppy. 
“Take my pants off,” you utter, and it’s only then does Toji realize that the both of you hadn’t bothered shedding any layers, taking favor in rutting clothed bodies together like a couple of immature teens. His hips pause their humping, and his tongue finds one long, last lick to your jugular before pulling back.
Two thumbs hook beneath both layers of material at your hips. “Can’t believe you made me wait this long,” he mutters offhandedly, dragging your pants down. 
You’re bare. His mouth waters at the sight of glistening moisture between your legs, encapsulated by a dusting of hair. Toji stares, nestled on his knees, straddling your thigh. He just stares.
“I told you my reasons,” you say.
He doesn’t respond to that. “I want to fuck you.”
Your chest rises. Are you arching for him? “Ask me.” When he cocks a confused brow, you lightly elaborate. “Show me some of that respect I taught you and ask me nicely.”
The sole of your foot caresses his pec over the black tee shirt he sports, a gentle notion that he is allowed to take his time. Toji doesn’t need time though; he’s got your twisted little request all figured out. It’s funny, he shouldn’t have expected any less. To him, respect didn’t exist in the bedroom, but Toji would make an exception. “Will you let me fuck you tonight?” You’re not letting him get off that easy, your pointed eyes say it all. So, in an uncharacteristically piteous voice, the man adds “please, ma’am” and strokes your calf for good measure.
That does it. 
Your legs spread, arms racing up to coil around the thick post of his neck. He lets you pull him down, lets you kiss him tenderly, lets your tongue curl behind his teeth. Toji groans, reaching a sticky hand down to clumsily shove his sweatpants around his ass. “You have no–” kiss “idea what you–” kiss “you do to me–” kiss, kiss “when you call me that.”
His length drags over your core, hot and heavy and thick and raw. He doesn’t move to grab a condom knowing damn well there’s a box that sits in his nightstand to the left of them. A box that has been forgotten, left untouched in the waking months of his realization that he doesn’t want to fuck other people. Why would he? When you take such good fucking care of him, what’s the point in sleeping around anymore?
“Be grateful,” Toji husks, rubbing up against the warmth beneath him. “‘M never this nice in bed.”
“I’m not, either.”
He throbs at that. A small hand snakes behind his head, weaving into the raven shag of his hair, and tugs. “I really never meant for this to happen.” Toji narrows those steely eyes at you. “To end up in your bed, I mean. I thought I had more resolve than this.”
Too bad money can’t buy resolve, he thinks inwardly. Hand still between bodies, Toji jerks himself slowly, soaking his tip in your entrance. His gaze is glued to your face, flitting amidst all the gorgeous features it had to offer. “I knew I’d get you here eventually,” he speaks with a lilt of confidence, prodding the point of his nose to yours. And then he pushes inside without warning. You’re gooey; a hot, wet heat encasing his body from head to toe. He feels you shudder, feels nails in his nape. He feels your sticky breaths on his cheek, feels your pillowy thighs squish against his hip bones. Toji serves you the entire length in one slow thrust, holding himself inside. “Fuck.”
“Slow,” you warn once more in a broken voice. His hair was grabbed again, you used it as a makeshift handlebar to yank Toji’s head down. His handsome face plummeted into the divot between your breasts, still gift wrapped in that undoubtedly overpriced shirt. His nose pressed to your sternum, taking deep inhales. 
Slow. 
Slow sex was unfamiliar territory to Toji, one among the list of foreign concepts you had introduced to him during your time together. Fucking was animalistic practice between two people, fast-paced and greedy and surprisingly lonely. Toji fucked with the intention of climaxing; intimacy is irrelevant. Was irrelevant. 
Toji slips a hand beneath your back, locking a grip on the underside of your shoulder to weld your chest to his face. Slow, timely thrusts met your cunt, watery squelches filled the room. “Oh, fuck.”
Your hands wander. Crawling down the base of his spine, breezing over his tail bone, clutching his bare ass. Guiding him in a way, and he doesn’t entirely mind. “My boy,” you moan in the throes of pleasure, a free hand blindly feeling for the back of his sweaty neck. Fingers stroke the precious skin there, sensitive flesh that nobody has ever paid attention to, not even himself. Toji trembles.
“Take it,” he whispers back, as if he still had any semblance of control. But you let him, and he thinks you’re too fucking nice for sparing his pride like that. “Take it, goddamn it.”
“Yes, my sweet boy.”
Idiotic. He is no longer a boy, nor does he even slightly compare to anything sweet. God, if you knew him. If you knew what he did for work… How many people he’s gutted and bled like livestock for quick cash… You would leave. He knows this to be a fact of life, you’re simply too moralistic and caring and selfless to keep in contact with a monster like him.
“Let mommy take care of you.”
Oh Jesus Christ, he’s done for. You wax praises so sincere that Toji starts to let himself believe he’s good. He pretends he’s worthy of being here with you right now in this bed, with your lithe fingers petting his damp hair and your breasts against his cheek, and fucks you harder. The toes of two socked feet bury into the mattress.
You successfully conquered his flimsy pride. “Mom… my…,” Toji breathes out, stifling down the impending whine caught at the back of his esophagus. He bucks deep inside, pubic bone to pubic bone, and grabs a handful of tit. So fucking soft even under this stupid shirt.
The sex plays out this way until the very end. A gentle tango that reminds Toji he hadn’t actually fucked in missionary position for some time. But at last, you came around him. “Toji, baby I’m here.” As if you were charged with electricity, you twitched and jumped beneath him. Toji fucked you through it, grinding his hips in a trajectory that caught your clit with his pubic hair. The friction was passionate, and you came with your jaw unhinged on a silent yelp.
“Give it to me,” he rasped, tongue lolling out to lick at your cleavage through your shirt. Drool rolled down the palate, collecting into a small puddle and dampening the fabric. A messy puppy, drooling all over you like that. Toji fucked harder, much too hard to be considered ‘slow’ anymore, but you didn’t stop him.
“Come on.” A hand dips beneath the collar of Toji’s tight shirt, scratching the ever loving fuck out of his upper back. “Cum baby boy.”
“Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuckfuckfuck.” The thrusts halt abruptly; Toji rams himself deep inside and holds onto you for dear life. There’s a brief pause before he empties himself into the deepest depths of your pussy, twitching as he does so. You coo, talking him through it with an inoffensive hand raking his bangs back. They stick, his sweat acting like a sort of natural gel, and Toji’s forehead is on display. You drag him up and press your lips to it—he flushes and drops back onto you, hiding in your neck.
Toji gasps on his come down, gulping in air through his nose. He’s weak and it’s strange. Despite the stupid amount of strength trapped within that Herculean body, Toji cannot find it in him to hover anymore. His entire weight drops onto your much tinier frame, but he hears no objections so he keeps himself there.
“Worth the buildup?” You ask at last, rubbing soothing circles into the plates of his shoulder blades. Your voice is a little strained, no doubt the effects of a two-hundred-and-something-pound man crushing your lungs, but Toji likes the funny grate of it in his ears.
“You already know the answer.” It’s written in the way your cum mixes together and wets the crease of his inner thighs. He’s not exactly going to say that was the most intimate and passionate sex i’ve ever had, but he’ll show you how much it meant to him by letting you cradle him to your chest.
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