#I apologize for all the room this is taking up on your TL :

[kurain-genealogy]

Investigating Glamrock Bonnie, The Mimic, and Why I Think the Mimic Killed Bonnie

The theory that Mimic killed Glamrock Bonnie is one I’ve seen held by a small handful of people since RUIN’s release, but never fully expanded upon or fleshed out. After seeing Twitter argue, once again, over whether or not Monty killed Bonnie, I was inspired to actually make a serious attempt at supporting my theory.

In this, I’ll be using the Tales from the Pizzaplex (TFTPP) books to support my conclusions – specifically the epilogues, GGY, The Mimic, The Storyteller, and brief mentions of others. You can debate the canonicity – and thus, validity – of the books, but they are set in the game’s universe, and at least some of the stories are directly tied to the games (especially in relation to the Mimic). I mainly use the books to construct a rough timeline of events and as supporting evidence so (hopefully) this theory should still be plausible if you ignore all the book evidence (& btw I read all of the books on archive.org, so apologies if any referenced page numbers are off).

This will contain spoilers for book #8’s epilogue!

First, I’ll go over general information regarding Bonnie and his death. Then, I’ll cover why I don’t think it was the other suspects. I’ll end off with why I think that leaves the Mimic responsible.

This is a long one, a lot longer than I expected – nearly 7.5k words, not including this introduction – so it's also available to read on a pageless Google Doc here! It's best viewed on desktop & has more pictures (I had to combine/squeeze some out to fit the tumblr image limit), as well as clearer sections and an outline. I highly recommend reading it there if you're able.

There's a timeline + TL;DR at the end for your convenience :]

& tysm to my friend @clmntne for beta reading this theory for me <3 go look at his art @clementartz ok?

-☆-

If you’re unfamiliar, stories in TFTPP take place over a large time range, ranging from back in the ‘80s to sometime after the events of SB. A handful of stories (including the connected epilogues) take place during the construction of the Pizzaplex or shortly before/after its opening. None of the stories mention Glamrock Bonnie at all, meaning he gets decommissioned very early in the Pizzaplex’s lifetime, likely within the first year or so of operation. To my knowledge, any stories that might take place during GlamBonnie’s lifetime don’t provide any details as to who’s in the main band.

Starting us off with the infamous missing message:

MISSINGSECURITY REPORT - 12:24AM - Bonnie is seen leaving his green room in Rockstar Row heading East towards the atrium. 2:40AM - Bonnie enters the East Arcade. 4:12AM - Bonnie enters Monty Golf.

Something I find extremely interesting about this are the HUGE chunks of time left unspecified, something I feel a lot of people gloss over. In the middle of the night, Bonnie spends a whopping 2 hours and 16 minutes in the atrium – or wherever he is – before entering the arcade. He has to go up to level 3 to get to the east arcade from Rockstar Row (RR), but I don’t think it’d take him one hour per floor to get there. 1 hour and 32 minutes later, he enters Monty Golf. He could be gaming in the arcade for all I care, but what intrigues me the most is the time spent between RR and the arcade. If he was seen entering other specific areas that would’ve been noted in the log, and I imagine if he was being erratic or unusual during that time it would’ve been mentioned, too. Without much to go off of, we really can’t say what was going on or what his reasoning was. With so few security sightings over four hours, to me personally it feels like Bonnie was somehow avoiding the cameras (or was being led by something that was). Another thing to consider is that unlike in SB, the Pizzaplex had multiple human security guards on staff (it’s not until shortly before SB, after Vanessa’s hired, that they’re replaced with STAFF bots). So not only was Bonnie rarely seen on the cams, but he wasn’t caught by a security guard, either.

(shoutout to the person who made these labeled maps of the Pizzaplex, since I don’t own the game myself it really helped me get an idea of the layout)

Prior to Security Breach, the animatronics weren’t normally active during the night. In The Bobbiedots, Part 1, we get this:

Supposedly deactivated by this time of night, Roxy probably wasn’t any kind of threat. But a couple weeks ago, as Abe had been heading to his hidey-hole, he’d gotten a glimpse of Roxy stalking past one of the doorways to the raceway (p. 135).

In the story, this takes place around midnight. It makes sense, too, that the large, power-consuming robots would be deactivated and/or charging while the Pizzaplex is closed. If a security guard saw Bonnie roaming at night, they probably would’ve led him back to his greenroom.

So, Bonnie is up and about while the animatronics should be powered down. This means that:

He is probably the only one who was awake, or at least the only one who left their designated area during the night.

He either woke up on his own with a specific purpose in mind, OR something woke him up.

Now, the crime scene. There is a lot more here to unpack than I expected.

Majority of reference images in this section come from Banden and FusionZGamer.

At the time of Ruin, the only entrances to the room where Bonnie’s body is found are these: A broken piece of wall behind the bowling lane, and a vent high up on the wall.

At the time of SB, the vent was covered with striped wall panels. It probably only became accessible after the earthquake when they fell, or were stripped off during deconstruction.

This entrance is odd; The bricks look deliberately cut or pulled out from both sides, and the inside between the walls is dug through. It’s hard to know when it was first burrowed through, and from what direction – I personally think it was dug from the inside-out, since inside, the hole is high above the ground and level with the boxes, which feels deliberate.

In the room, there’s a bowling ball rail that leads out, the opening to which is boarded up from the inside.

From Fusion’s video, we can see that the rail would lead down the length of the bowling alley through the dingier hall on the right side, visible in the first image. On the left side is the area behind the bowling lanes, presumably where maintenance is done on the machines (more apparent in the second image), and large garage doors on the right that lead to the dingy hallway. 

As seen in the bottom two images, if you go to the fenced off section with the electrical lockers and turn around – hey! We’re in the area behind the ice cream parlor’s stage where they stashed Bonnie’s stuff. From here, we can see the hallway where the ball rail would be and the large doors that lead to it.If this is confusing, I recommend watching Fusion’s video to get a better idea of the layout.

If you wear the VANNI mask in this section, it looks like a headless STAFF bot caught by the arms with cables, and maybe being dragged through the doorway, or something similar? It’s hard to find a good picture of it from other angles since I can’t find a video of someone going out-of-bounds to get a closer look. We get a lot of interesting environmental storytelling in the AR world, but there’s also many seemingly random changes.Could this symbolize or depict something surrounding Bonnie’s death? Maybe it means something, maybe it doesn’t. I just find it interesting.

So, the only entrance to Bonnie’s tomb is through the hallway behind lane maintenance, accessible only by the garage doors. This hall presumably had a rail that spanned the length of the bowling lanes. I imagine this area was used for storage and the likes. The very end of this hall is where we find Bonnie. The entrance to this section is weird – it’s smaller than Cassie and barely bigger than the Caution Bots – but I digress. As for the front entrance from the lanes being walled off, I feel like that’d render those lanes unusable. In fact, there’s no evidence of there being pinsetters for these lanes, so maybe they were gutted in order to wall off the room. Or maybe they just didn’t feel like modeling all that, I dunno. Not really something that matters. What does matter is how this room is closed off in the first place, having been boarded up from the inside, and the thick ass wall someone excavated through. All of it feels very intentional.

The dirt and debris around Bonnie tells me that this room is in fact the crime scene. This is heavily supported by the impact crack on the wall (third image) and the similar cracks on the floor underneath Bonnie in AR (second image). Bonnie and his attacker could have had encounters elsewhere in the Pizzaplex, but this room is where the final showdown occurred.

I’ll try not to include more images than necessary, so if you want some good looks for yourself, Fusion’s video from before does a good job showing off Bonnie’s state, as well as this FazFriends video analyzing the DLC animatronics, and is where the upcoming screenshots come from.

Most prominently, Bonnie has a massive laceration in his chest and is missing the left side of his faceplate, the latter possibly caused by the bowling ball split in three around his head. The biggest gash in his chest runs from his left shoulder diagonally toward the right side of his waist. With the direction his casing peels and how most of the damage is at the top, I’d say it was a downward strike, most likely done with the left hand. He’s covered in dirt and grime, and wires poke out from his innards. 

There’s some green coloration on his torso, leading many to think this could be paint rubbed off from the attacker. Personally, I think it looks more like patina, a green tarnish resulting from aging metal, similar to the floor and metal shrapnel around him. It could also be his base paint color.

His arms are pulled apart at the joints; the legs are pulled apart at the knees, but I can’t tell if they’re pulled from his hips as well (though, the pelvis is definitely ripped from the torso).

As noted in the fourth image, he lays atop these strange black tubes – I can’t help but think of the AR headless STAFF bot from earlier and the cables it was falling onto. Could it be related?

In addition, there’s several random animatronic pieces scattered around, some of which look significantly older than others. For example, at Bonnie’s feet:

There’s a chunk of relatively clean metal akin to the spine inside Bonnie, but also an older, more corroded, grimier piece next to it. I feel this could’ve come from Bonnie’s attacker, but Bonnie also has one of these yucky pieces sticking out of an arm socket, so who knows.

-☆-

Before I talk about the possible attackers, I first want to take a brief intermission to talk about the books, as they establish an important timeline that will be relevant later. I’ll be talking a bit about The Storyteller and The Mimic, and the animatronics’ behaviors before and after the former.

The Storyteller is a story in the 5th TFTPP book about a creative AI software – called The Storyteller (TS), unsurprisingly – that was implemented across the entire Pizzaplex sometime prior to the game’s events. The purpose of TS was to cut down on costs spent in the creative department by using an AI to formulate new stories based on preexisting ones within Fazbear Entertainment (🙄). TS was connected to virtually everything in the Pizzaplex – including VR, AR, and the Glamrock Animatronics – to create more unique and dynamic interactions with guests. So, instead of programming in new AR/VR experiences or animatronic behaviors manually, TS could continuously change how the games/characters acted. Here’s an excerpt on how TS altered the Glamrocks specifically:

Montgomery Gator also exhibited disturbing changes. The alligator featured in Monty’s Gator Golf was the quintessential rockstar. […] Prone to smashing things as part of his extravagant image, Monty was always dramatic, but he had been harmless... at least until The Storyteller started messing with him. Now the alligator was turning into a sulky shadow of his former self. Monty’s rampages became more violent, and in between tantrums, he withdrew into a depressive silence that was actually driving children to tears. All the Pizzaplex’s other main characters began to undergo similar personality shifts. Whatever trait was normal for them began to skew toward the dark side. The shift wasn’t dramatic. None of the animatronics had turned homicidal or anything, but the altered dynamic was noticeable, at least to Edwin. (pp. 95-96).

Edwin’s story is revealed to us in TFTPP #6 in the story The Mimic. Edwin was the original creator of the endo, The Mimic (TM), 30-40 years prior to the creation of the Pizzaplex. He made it to keep his 4-year-old son, David, occupied while he (a single father) worked. It was a learning robot that imitated what it observed, making it a good playmate for his son; David even made TM a white tiger “doll” out of fabric to match his own white tiger plushie. The program that The Mimic ran on was called Mimic1 (hence, where the endo got its name). One day, David tragically dies in a car accident. Edwin enters a depressive fugue for the next two weeks in which he barely remembers anything. When he comes to his senses and sees the still-active Mimic acting like his dead son, in a moment of intense grief and rage, he beats the everloving shit out of TM. When he snaps out of it, he’s filled with regret and leaves.

By this point, Edwin’s company had been bought out by Fazbear Entertainment, so when he just dips and thereby breaches their contract, they send a team of people to the factory to “clean up a mess.” When the team arrives and sees the crumpled remains of TM, armed only with their vague instructions, they conclude that they’re to finish Edwin’s abandoned projects. TM had only an upper body, so the team fixed him up and gave him legs and a voice box.

Now, remember how I said TM learns and imitates behavior it observes? Well TM just starts fucking killing these guys. And “puts them away” in the fridge and closet, like how he’d learned to put food and clothes away with Edwin and David. Fazbear Entertainment sends another team of guys to do the job when the first team doesn’t return, but they too are killed. This time, TM put on various mascot costumes and pursued them in a more “hide and seek” manner.

Okay, now back to The Storyteller. The AI was allowed to decide its own appearance, since the plan was for TS itself to become a Pizzaplex character – so, its hardware was put inside a white tiger bust.

Edwin, vocally against the project, was purposefully kept in the dark about the workings of TS. He snuck into the Pizzaplex on the night of its installation, and the sight of the white tiger triggered a panic attack. Fearing the worst, he later sneaks into TS’s enclosure to confirm his suspicions.

If you hadn’t guessed already, Edwin discovers that The Storyteller is running on the Mimic1 program.

TS was only in the Pizzaplex for three weeks before it was removed. However, even with all its arms broken and cables pulled apart, the Mimic1 program continued running. I believe it’s implied that it remained within the Pizzaplex’s system, even after TS’s hardware was completely removed.

It’s hard to say exactly when in the Pizzaplex’s lifespan this story takes place. Interestingly, there’s mention of a character associated with Bonnie Bowl experiencing malfunctions (p. 109), yet just a few pages later Montgomery Gator is said to have a room in Rockstar Row (p. 111), meaning he’d already replaced Bonnie as bass player.

Tragedies that occurred at the Pizzaplex early in its lifetime – such as in the stories Cleithrophobia, HAPPS, Pressure, and Under Construction – weren’t because of malfunctions, but more so from human error. In the first two, the robots are behaving exactly as they’re programmed to, but end up causing harm due to the circumstances around the story. Pressure happened because some idiot put a springlock suit in the RolePlay area (combined with the protag having bad friends). You could argue that Under Construction is an exception (that something malicious purposefully altered the AR experience), but to that I argue that the AR attraction wasn’t even finished or intended to have someone use it (nor an employee to keep watch), so of course it wouldn’t be functioning properly and end badly.

All of this to say, it could very well be that nothing in the Pizzaplex’s network, including animatronics, were malfunctioning, acting strange, violent, or purposefully malicious, prior to The Storyteller’s – Mimic1’s – integration.

-☆-

Okay. Just keep that information in mind. With that, let me rule out some suspects.

Suspect 1: Vanny

Whether she controlled Monty, STAFF bots, or did it herself, this follows the idea that Vanny/Vanessa had something to do with Bonnie’s disappearance.

Well, based on the established timeline, she couldn’t have. Bonnie was killed within the first year or so of operation, and Vanessa wasn’t working at the Pizzaplex yet. We can already deduce with SB that Vanessa’s security guard position was somewhat recent, but we also have GGY as further proof.

GGY is the story that all but confirms to us that Client 46 (from the Retro CDs) is Gregory. This story connects the GGY character (Greg/Gregory) to the disappearances of three school counselors/therapists. It takes place about 3 years after the Pizzaplex opens, as the first school counselor was hired before its opening, and had been working at the school for three years before disappearing. (& btw, SB takes place around the 5th year. This is deduced by a Faz Life magazine in SB being labeled #19 in a quarterly release, meaning if it started with the opening of the Pizzaplex, it’d be 4.75 years in). This places the Retro CDs around the same time. In Vanessa’s sessions, she’s clearly at her old job – she sits at a desk on the computer and mentions her coworker Luis, who was also mentioned in Special Delivery’s unused emails from Vanessa’s old job.

Could Vanny still have snuck in to do something? Sure, I just don’t think it’s likely. She’s still working on her costume at the time of these sessions (which remember, is a few years after when Bonnie would’ve been decommissioned), and is clearly still very anxious and reluctant to do as Glitchtrap tells her.

Suspect 2: Monty

Okay, here we go. The most obvious piece of evidence for Monty’s innocence is the fact that he wasn’t given his claw upgrade until after replacing Bonnie. Of course, he still had claws beforehand, he’s a gator, but, the claw upgrade switches the endoskeleton’s hands entirely.

Compare Monty’s sharp fingies to the blunter Glamrock Endo’s. Monty’s original hands could still do major damage, I mean look at what the STAFF bots did to Freddy with their even bigger & rounder fingers. But if you look at the gashes in Bonnie’s torso, they’re much more clean slices accompanied by smaller scratches all over, which had to have been made by something much sharper and pointier.

Also, Monty attacks with his teeth, not his claws. (link leads to gif of his jumpscare)

Further, we have absolutely no reason to think Monty would want to attack Bonnie. There’s no bad blood, and if Monty truly did want the spotlight, he could’ve gone for Freddy.

Monty MischiefERRANT BEHAVIOR REPORT - Monty didn't show up for the main stage performance again. We found him in the same place we always do, the catwalks over Monty Golf. We can't have a repeat of last month. Someone hit the hole in one and the hurricane bucket knocked him down. Both legs were broken and required emergency parts and service work.

This message is very telling: Monty frequently skipped main performances and hid in Gator Golf. This is completely counter to the notion that he craved the spotlight and attention of being in the band. In fact, it sounds like he didn’t even like being in the band. Perhaps his aggression during/before SB – like destroying his green room – was partly fueled by resentment for being taken from his element?

Monty has no personal motives for killing Bonnie, but could he have been controlled? Mmmmmaybe? But I don’t think so. We’ve already established that Vanny couldn’t have been involved. Then there’s Mimic1/TS, which I already established came into play after Bonnie was gone. In fact, the way the book described Monty post-Storyteller is a lot like how he acts around SB: violent, destructive outbursts, and silently sulking (like in the catwalks). It’s even specified that the malfunctioning Glamrocks weren’t homicidal or harming others. Monty – nor any of the other animatronics – have ever been violent towards each other. Monty’s aggression is aimed at his own belongings and like, fences and shit. Never his friends. Plus, Monty disliking Freddy is something only ever depicted in Monty’s arcade game, which TS had access to. I think the arcade game can absolutely give us storytelling via symbolism, but I doubt it’s altered by Monty’s mind and thoughts.

And say Monty did kill Bonnie – why wasn’t he noticed on the cameras either going to Bonnie Bowl or moving Bonnie’s body there from Gator Golf? If an outside force deleted security footage, why leave the incriminating part where Bonnie goes to Gator Golf in the first place? It wouldn’t make sense. Plus, most evidence points towards Bonnie Bowl being where the incident occurred.

Suspect 3: Prototype Freddy

The theory that Freddy killed Bonnie comes from @glammiketrash, and it’s a great theory. Give it a read if you have time, I think it’s definitely one of the more likely theories on this topic and has strong supporting evidence.  

However, there are a few reasons why I personally don’t think a rogue Freddy did it (even ignoring the timeline I established). For starters, the Prototype Freddy in RUIN is heavily implied to be the same Freddy that was left in Fazer Blast in the Princess Quest ending of SB – the ending that’s canon to RUIN (at this point I don’t think I have to explain why PQ is the canon ending, but I’d be happy to explain it in the replies if needed).

The comic for the Disassemble Vanny ending shows us an illustration of how Freddy was damaged by the STAFF bots, and it’s strikingly similar to Prototype Freddy (PF): exposed hands, a chunk taken from the right bicep and thigh. You could even argue that the torso cracking is similar (I’m drawn to how both have the lightning bolt cut off similarly). It feels like PF was designed/modeled after the illustration. He has the sharp claws from the Monty upgrade, and his missing head aligns with the PQ ending where Gregory leaves the Pizzaplex with it. Then of course, there’s the fact that he’s found in Fazer Blast, where Freddy in SB was attacked and left.

Yes, I believe that the Glamrock Freddy in SB was a prototype model the entire time. We still don’t know why Freddy glitched out in the beginning of the game, but it’s entirely possible that Parts & Service simply booted up a new/temporary endo while they dealt with whatever broke Freddy. He’s on reduced power for safety measures because, as an older version, they don’t know how unusual or erratic he’ll be – a justified precaution, since we can see that when he runs out of power, or is under maintenance (you know, when his head’s off), he attacks Gregory. It would also explain why Freddy in SB isn’t connected to the network or infected by the virus – he literally just got switched on.

And holy shit, at the time of writing this, FazFriends just uploaded a video showcasing the animatronics’ endoskeletons, and it happens to support my theory!

Freddy and Bonnie both share an endoskeleton unique to the other Glamrocks. Monty, Chica, and Roxy all share a basic endoskeleton. The Glamrocks would all be kept up-to-date and modified throughout the years. Since Bonnie is one of the original ones, we can assume that’s what their endos looked like when the Pizzaplex first opened. It doesn’t make sense that Freddy, being who he is, wouldn’t be upgraded the same way the others are… unless this is an older Freddy. SB Freddy having a unique endoskeleton that matches Bonnie’s signifies that he was in a Prototype model from the beginning.

Freddy has a lot of personality for sure, but still seems a bit sterile and stilted at times, especially if you compare him to someone like Roxy. In the books Freddy’s personality is changed on a few occasions, such as by The Storyteller (in which he’s adopted a “spoiled brat” personality) and by GGY (in which he’d acted eerie and followed/stared at the protagonist). He’s completely wiped clean of all this though in SB. He still has a distinct personality, memories, and feelings, but it feels kind of like it was reset to default. That could just be me, but it supports the idea of him being PF.

Prototype Freddy looks like that because of the events of SB. Prior to that, he looked just like a normal Freddy. In the timeframe that Bonnie was destroyed, none of the robots were acting violent and there was no AI or virus to control him, which rules out any last possibility of PF being Bonnie’s killer to me.

There are definitely holes in this line of thought; It’s just speculation that makes sense to me. I’m also generally forgiving when it comes to changes made to SB from RUIN; SB seemed to go through a lot of changes in development and was released in a messy state, so I wouldn’t blame them if at this point Steel Wool was establishing things that would retroactively apply to SB.

Suspect 4: THE MIMICCCCCCC

FINALLY, over 4k words in, we are talking about the thing I promised. I’ll start with some more information on the Mimic itself (yup, there’s still more!!!).

Every TFTPP book has an epilogue, all of which connect together into one narrative that tells us the story of how The Mimic ended up in the FNAF6 Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza Place beneath the Pizzaplex.

The Pizza Place was originally intended to be refurbished into a Fazbear museum in conjunction with the Pizzaplex’s construction. There was a small team working there to clean the building, particularly to pick up and disassemble all of the remaining endoskeletons littered throughout the place. One of the guys on the team (Gil) hates his job and goes outside to take a break just in time to see a shipment arrive containing the Glamrock Animatronics – and, for whatever reason, The Mimic. Since TM was clearly older and the odd one out of the bunch, Gil drags TM inside with the intention of uploading a cleanup protocol into the endo. He instructs TM to remove the limbs and heads off of the endoskeletons and pile them up at the door. The Mimic does this quickly, and when it runs out of endoskeletons, begins to dismember the renovation crew. Construction workers from outside rush in when they hear the commotion, which only adds to TM’s victims. The youngest of the renovation crew manages to escape and desperately convinces nearby cement workers to seal the entrances to the pizzeria (Epilogue #1). (This massive pile of animatronic parts and murder victims is theorized to be the origins of Tangle/The Blob, btw.)

Sometime later, a group of 8 teens sneak into the Pizza Place via a vent opening in the roof. Once they discover the gruesome mass murder scene, they realize that they aren’t alone, that their way out was crushed, and that they’re trapped (Epilogue #2).

Over the course of the next few installments, the teens are slowly picked off by TM. It uses mascot costumes to trick and murder the teens (similar to what TM did in Edwin’s factory) in a twisted hide-and-seek type game. When the group finds an old radio, TM intercepts the signal and pretends to be someone else within the Pizza Place calling for help, attempting to lure the kids into a back room. It also could disrupt electronics, as the lights and electricity as a whole often flickered and went out when it was near. A manual found in the office tells us more about TM:

The one we saw is either a Mimic Model 1 or 2. […] They have retractable and expandable limbs and a contracting torso so they can fit into pretty much any mascot costume. […] The tech in the Mimics was pretty clunky. […] If you encounter one of these things, you should immediately disconnect its power source and disassemble it (Epilogue #4, pp. 219-220). [...] When the team created the Mimic line, they didn’t want to have to program in every show routine, step-by-step. That was a lot of coding, so they just programmed the Mimic to basically watch and learn. Not only could a Mimic fit into any costume, it was designed to observe the other routines and then mimic them (Epilogue #6, p. 183). I wish I could read all of this, but it seems like the original Mimic began mimicking not just the other animatronics but also people. And it did it in ways that weren’t intended. I’m not sure what it did. I can just make out the words misconstrue, scared, potential disaster, and deactivate remaining Mimic endos (Epilogue #6, p. 184).

It's kinda unclear, but this is the narrative I’m picking up: Once Fazbear Entertainment was finally able to “clean up [the] mess” left by Edwin and get their hands on The Mimic, they were like “hey this programming is actually genius” and started making their own Mimic models based on Edwin’s, claiming it as their own engineering (classic corner-cutting Fazbear Entertainment). However, due to its primitive programming (Edwin was an engineer, not a coder) and the nature of Mimic1, Fazbear quickly realized how faulty and unreliable the Mimic animatronic line was, so they decommissioned them. The Mimic in the Pizza Place is likely Edwin’s original, considering its costume-wearing, hide-and-seek style murders.

Enough backstory for now. I’ll be addressing more book stuff later (sorry, sorry), but I’d like to bring this back around to Bonnie and how TM qualifies as a suspect before getting into the how and why.

Think back to Bonnie’s corpse and the diagonal swipe to his chest caused by sharp claws.

Get a load of this guy.

Very sharp fingers on the left hand. Returning to the analysis of Bonnie’s corpse – facing Bonnie, a downward right-to-left swipe is likely achieved by the left hand. Supporting this is TM’s jumpscare, in which it grabs with the right hand and attacks with the left.

In its costumed jumpscare, TM attacks with its round-fingered right hand in a fist. Bonnie, along with several scratch marks, is also covered in dents, meaning TM could have used both of its attack methods.

“But TM has 5 fingers, and Bonnie’s slash marks look like they’re from a 4-fingered hand.” I hear ya. Here’s some possible explanations:

With the angle of the motion and the curvature of Bonnie’s torso, the pinky finger didn’t pierce the casing, instead merely scratching it.

TM wears 4-fingered costumes – you can see it is in the jumpscare above. Who’s to say TM didn’t travel in a costume from the Pizza Place, or even found Glamrock casing to put on?

It can just like, shapeshift. I wouldn’t think that extended to details like the fingers, but I wouldn’t be surprised. The left palm does have holes in it, so maybe the fingers were designed to contract to fit various gloves.

Another obvious connection is that TM famously tears off the limbs of its victims – and wouldn’t you know it, Bonnie’s arms and legs are dismembered. TM, noticeably old and described as discolored in the books, could also be the source of all the extraneous, out-of-place metal parts that surround Bonnie.

Out of all the suspects, TM is the only one that’s known to be violent towards animatronics, has the physical capabilities to have done it, and would be awake while the rest of the Glamrocks were deactivated for the night. When it comes to analyzing the crime scene itself and the events surrounding it, The Mimic fits the bill the most out of all the suspects. Isolated, it’s the most likely option, in my opinion. Determining how this happened is a bit trickier; expect a bit more speculation in that regard.

I know what you might be thinking: How did The Mimic get into the Pizzaplex in the first place if it was sealed underground?

It’s not all that unusual if you think about it. For starters, the Pizza Place was not sealed very well (it was done in a panic, after all). The teens were able to enter through a vent in the roof, multiple characters attempted to leave through a vent blocked by a giant (moving) fan, and Lucia (the protagonist) was finally able to escape through a window in the bathroom that had less concrete blocking it than the others. There are various means of escape in which TM can contort its body to fit through.

Briefly, while on the subject of the latest epilogue, it’s worth noting that Lucia was able to deactivate TM by trapping it in a springlock costume and flipping its off switch. To this, I remind you that the Epilogues aren’t over. The book series is still ongoing, as is TM’s story. Plus, by the time of SB/RUIN, TM is clearly awake, so it’s possible that it was reactivated by the time of Bonnie’s death.

Prior to that, Lucia briefly restrained TM with rope. It reminds me of the AR STAFF bot hanging over cables, and the weird tubelike things underneath Bonnie’s body. Could they all be connected? Could TM have learned the rope tactic from Lucia and then gone on to mimic that when attacking Bonnie?

Anyways, another important aspect of all this is TM’s connection to the Pizzaplex. We know that TM and TS share the same program, Mimic1 (it’s unclear if TS’s programming came from the original Mimic or one of Fazbear Entertainment’s copies. My own opinion flip-flops). TM is also connected to the VANNI mask and the AR world – whether you believe the theory that Glitchtrap is Mimic1 or not doesn’t matter, since it doesn’t change that The Physical Mimic Under The Pizzaplex Somehow Connected Itself To The Mask, even after the PQ ending got rid of Glitchtrap and its control over the robots. TM could also interact with the security feed and get in contact with Cassie, who was outside the Pizzaplex. Of course, none of these things are relevant to the time period we’re working with, but it shows how TM can connect itself to electronics, even long-distance, and possibly without the help of shared software. If it can interfere with radio signals, I wouldn’t be surprised if it could at least view security footage, maps, employee messages, and whatever else from the Pizzaplex.

Okay, now think waaaaaayy back to the beginning when I was analyzing Bonnie’s behavior: “He either woke up on his own with a specific purpose in mind, OR something woke him up.”

Returning to these two options with the information we have now, it turns to:  “Bonnie either knew something suspicious was afoot and wanted to investigate, OR The Mimic woke him up (purposefully or not).”

There could be alternatives, but these are the most obvious conclusions.

While what we know about GlamBonnie’s death is limited, we know even less about his personality. We don’t have any hints on why Bonnie in particular would be acutely aware of something unusual, or on the contrary, why he’d be targeted by TM. But we do know that on this occasion he was awake and later murdered, and TM is looking guilty.

Again, think back to Bonnie’s strange behavior caught by security the night he went missing; The long spans of time between very few appearances on camera, almost as if he was avoiding them, either on purpose or as a result of following something. If Bonnie was doing something he shouldn’t’ve, he probably would be sneaky about it. If Bonnie was being lured by TM with the intent to Get Him, it makes sense that it would lead him where he can’t be tracked. If it’s possible TM could access security and maps, of course it would know how to not be seen – and if it plays hide and seek, it would want to stay hidden. 

(I’ve been speculating under the assumption that TM can’t alter the Pizzaplex network, just view it. If it’s possible that it can alter the network, i.e. delete security footage, then that’d save us a lot of assumptions. If that were the case, then TM could just delete any security footage of itself, which is why we’re only left with random sightings of Bonnie on camera. The rest – the missing pieces – would fill in the blanks). 

TM may have an impressive AI, but it’s nothing near the Glamrocks’ level of self-awareness. Its actions are all motivated by the Mimic1 programming and what it’s learned/observed. It doesn’t try to escape because it has the desire to get out, but because it was not designed to be confined to a room. It doesn’t dismember people because it enjoys killing, but because it’s reacting “the way it had learned to handle all endoskeleton-like objects,” (Epilogue #7, p. 169). We don’t have reason to believe TM resents or envies Bonnie. Bonnie became a victim because he entered the crossfire of TM’s programming.

I personally believe Bonnie had suspicions something Strange was happening and began to investigate (either over a period of time, or simply was woken by TM skulking around one night, and was like “what the” and searched for the source). TM caught on and entered “hide-and-seek mode,” in which it was hiding from a pursuing Bonnie. Persistent and stubborn, as all Bonnies tended to be, GlamBonnie pursued TM all night. TM, in its previous killings, would hide, lure, then ambush. I think TM finally cornered Bonnie by luring him to the end of the long hallway behind Bonnie Bowl and finishing him off. Sunrise is approaching by this point, and the Pizzaplex would be opening up soon, so TM retreats back to the Pizza Place to avoid being found.

AC Inspection Thank you for contacting Low Budget Building Contractors. We have done a preliminary inspection and find nothing wrong with your ventilation system. The 'loud clanging', 'banging' and 'scraping' noises which were reported don't appear to be reproducable. Call us if it happens again. Invoice attached. - Keith

This might be nothing, but I want to include it anyway. The AC Inspection message from SB is most likely referring to the wind-up Music Man that chases Gregory in the vents. I think I’ve seen some speculate that this could be The Blob snaking through the vents (I’ve heard a theory somewhere that The Blob is what’s stealing from Rockstar Row). Personally, the language reminds me of the noises described in the Epilogues of TM crawling through the vents. Just skimming through Epilogue #7, the words and phrases “scraped,” “grinding,” “metal-on-metal scratches,” “thrum and thunderous rattle,” “sonorous clang,” and “screeches,” are used to describe the sound made by TM in the ventilation system.

There’s nothing in this message that dates it, so the cause could be anything, in theory. It's possible that TM used the Pizzaplex’s ventilation system to avoid the cameras while traversing, entering, and exiting the premises.

-☆-

OKAY. THIS IS THE LAST SECTION. YOU’RE IN THE HOME STRETCH –

WHY A COVERUP?

Why completely hide GlamBonnie’s existence and opt for a rebrand?

Option 1: They literally couldn’t find him. Hidden in such a hard-to-reach location, Bonnie’s body was simply never found. It doesn’t help that security logs pointed staff to Monty Golf. Left only to speculate, Fazbear Entertainment had to be ready for any possibility. Could he have been stolen? Thrown out? Hacked? Imagine if someone had stolen and hacked Bonnie, and he reappeared acting inappropriately or in any way unregulated by Fazbear Entertainment. If they’d gone ahead and replaced Bonnie, not only would there suddenly be two Bonnies, but one of them would be acting weird, outside of their control, and Fazbear would have to do something about it. No, as long as they’re unsure what happened to him, it’s easier to just have the understudy replace him. Precursory damage control. Bonnie was never a character in the Pizzaplex, so whatever a rogue Bonnie is doing or saying isn’t their fault or responsibility.

Option 2: They deduced what happened and couldn’t let word get out. Perhaps Bonnie saw something he shouldn’t’ve. Perhaps he knew too much. Easier to get rid of All the evidence, pretend it never happened, cover it All up, than to attempt damage control afterwards. Fazbear Entertainment surely knew about TM sealed up in the Pizza Place beneath their mega mall. If it’d gotten out, that’d be bad. If Bonnie lived to tell the tale, that’d be bad. Don’t even move the body, just seal up the room best you can so nobody can find him. Secure all entrances to the Pizzaplex so that Thing can’t get back in and do more damage.

Option 2 seems most likely. Clearly, he’d been found by someone – the Caution Bots found him, after all, and the room was boarded up from the inside. The only thing I can’t explain is the weird tunnel through the wall leading to the room from the bowling lane. Genuinely what is up with that. It could’ve been the escape for whoever was boarding up the main entrance, but if that was an official effort, I feel like it’d be easier to remove the wall panels and leave through the vent rather than create a new, messier entrance.

The hush-hush surrounding his disappearance indicates that some employees had a general idea of what happened (or at least that Fazbear wanted him replaced, refused to elaborate, and didn’t have an explanation).

AR Glam Bonnie Plush Dad wouldn't tell me why they replaced Bonnie.

This inventory description from Cassie tells us all we need to know: Not that her dad didn’t know what happened to Bonnie, but that he wouldn’t tell her. He knew what happened to Bonnie. Being the daughter of a Faz-Technician, Cassie was often exposed to the behind-the-scenes of the Pizzaplex. The fact that her dad refused to tell her the truth could mean any of these three things: 1) He was on very strict legal orders to not say anything; 2) Bonnie being his favorite character, dad couldn’t bring himself to tell Cassie what really happened; or 3) He didn’t want to upset the empathetic Cassie, who would’ve been nearly half the age she was in RUIN, by telling her that Bonnie was literally killed/destroyed and wouldn’t be fixed.  

Combined with the fact that Fazbear Entertainment didn’t have an official response regarding Bonnie’s whereabouts until sometime after the rebrand, I get the impression they Knew Something and had to deal with That first.

Understudy MANAGEMENT REPORT - With Bonnie out of commission, we are making Monty the new bass player. Parts and Service has already done the proper adjustments. This could be a good thing. Monty could be even more popular than Bonnie.

“Monty could be even more popular than Bonnie.”

I don’t think they were wrong with this one. Like I said earlier, we don’t know anything about Bonnie’s personality. I’d harbor a guess, though.

Bonnie, across all games/iterations, is generally characterized as a stereotypical rock musician: active, boastful, and a confident performer. The unused Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza Theme Song from Help Wanted portrays Bonnie similarly, but with a laid-back hippie sorta voice. The Freddy & Friends: On Tour! web series promoting Security Breach characterized Bonnie as deadpan, casual/laid-back, and mute. Steel Wool-era Bonnie leans more into the chill, hippie-type rockstar stereotype, so I don’t think it’d be a stretch to say that Glamrock Bonnie would’ve retained some of these elements.

Monty, as shown in the book excerpts earlier, is a dramatic, guitar-smashing rockstar. Loud, hyper, destructive, eye-catching Monty. I’ve no doubt that Monty was popular due to all these traits that made him unlike Bonnie. Bonnie is “go with the flow,” while Monty is “my way or the highway.” Monty's excitement and energy would also freshen up the main band – none of the other members steal the show the way Monty does.

Their coverup works. Monty’s popularity is soaring. Everyone forgets about Bonnie.

-☆-

ROUGH TIMELINE

Construction

The Mimic is brought to the Pizza Place during the Pizzaplex’s construction.

Pizza Place sealed with concrete, teens later sneak in.

Pizzaplex construction completed.

Pizzaplex Years 1-2

Bonnie is decommissioned.

Monty becomes bass player and GlamBonnie imagery is removed.

Pizzaplex Year (???), but after Monty rebrand

The Storyteller is installed; removed 3 weeks later. Mimic1 continues to alter technology in the Pizzaplex.

Pizzaplex Year 3(ish)

Events of GGY and the Retro CDs.

Pizzaplex Year (???), but pre-SB

Vanessa becomes Chief Security Guard by recommendation.

All remaining staff are replaced by STAFF bots.

Pizzaplex Late Year 4-5

Freddy malfunctions onstage and is temporarily booted up in his prototype in safe mode.

Events of Security Breach.

PQ/Free Vanessa ending.

Post-SB

RUIN

-☆-

TL; DR (EXTREMELY simplified)

Bonnie was decommissioned within the first year or so of the Pizzaplex opening.

Any outside virus/programming couldn’t have influenced another animatronic to attack him, and Vanny wasn’t working at the Pizzaplex yet.

Bonnie was last seen wandering the Pizzaplex for several hours in the middle of the night when he should’ve been deactivated. Only spotted on camera three times, no mentions of a security guard encountering him.

Bonnie’s body is in a small room at the very end of a maintenance/storage hall behind the bowling lanes, which has been boarded up from the inside.

Due to the environment, this room must’ve been the crime scene.

The state of Bonnie’s body aligns most with The Mimic’s killing style.

Sharp claw marks

Dismembered limbs

Old, corroded metal parts around Bonnie that could’ve belonged to the Mimic

Possibly was lured to a secluded location.

The Pizza Place underneath the Pizzaplex wasn’t properly sealed, so The Mimic could have escaped and possibly entered the Pizzaplex.

The Mimic can interfere/interact with technology, so it could’ve had access to information about the Pizzaplex.

Knew how to avoid security.

Bonnie pursuing TM caused it to respond with its “hide-and-seek” style of attack, eventually luring Bonnie to an isolated location and ambushing him.

Fazbear Entertainment knew their murderous basement creature is what killed Bonnie and covered up the incident.

They didn’t want any chance of the incident getting out, which is why they sealed Bonnie’s tomb and replaced him instead of repairing him.

#five nights at freddy's #fnaf #fnaf theory #glamrock bonnie #the mimic #RBs appreciated i worked very hard on this :] #security breach #fnaf ruin #security breach ruin #fnaf sb ruin #fnaf security breach #montgomery gator #prototype freddy #prototype glamrock freddy #mimic sweep #tales from the pizzaplex #fnaf movie

[destieltropecollection]

DESTIEL TROPE COLLECTION 2023 | DAY 30 | Wing Fic

Blanket Nest | @aaronthe8thdemon

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 2,840 Main Tags/Warnings: Alternate Season/Series 08, Wingfic, Nesting, Angel Culture & Customs (Supernatural), Wing Grooming, Fluff, Light Angst, First Kiss, Grace-Soul Bonding (Supernatural), Interspecies Romance Summary: Dean sits on the bed and Castiel repositions to make room for him. Strong, careful fingers begin combing his plumage and he immediately fluffs up slightly in response, which is something he can’t control. Castiel has been refusing to acknowledge for years how strong their bond has become, and he ignored it further in purgatory because their lives were constantly under threat, but now… now, in the safety of the bunker, Dean’s new home, he’s losing the struggle to not finally address it.

Wet Hot American Hunter | @blessyourhondahurley

Rating: Mature Word Count: 3,055 Main Tags/Warnings: First Kiss, First Time, Wing Grooming, Wing Kink, Rutting, Massage, Coming In Pants, POV Alternating Summary: Dean and Cas take a nice hike together on a sunny day. An unexpected development on their excursion results in some long-overdue changes to their relationship status. TL;DR: Cas's wings pop out, so Dean and Cas fuck a little.

Un-Simple Miracles | @aaronthe8thdemon

Rating: Mature Word Count: 4,122 Main Tags/Warnings: Post-Season/Series 15, Heavy Angst, Castiel Out of the Empty (Supernatural), Winged Castiel (Supernatural), Suicidal Dean Winchester, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Miscommunication, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Animal Death, Angel Castiel (Supernatural) Summary: It’s so stupid. Dean doesn’t even fucking like dogs.

Fractis Alis | @unanimous-anonymous

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 7,669 Main Tags/Warnings: Wing Kink, Wing Grooming, Hurt/Comfort, First Time Confessions, Internalized Homophobia, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fluff and Angst, Bottom Castiel/Top Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester Has Anger Issues, Pushy Bottoms, Loss of Virginity, Happy Ending, Post-Leviathans Summary: [This fic takes place after Leviathan!Cas when tensions are high and Cas's guilt is thick. Cas appears in Dean's motel room, injured after an altercation with the angels. Dean plays nursemaid.] “Uh, Cas,” Dean cleared his throat. "How come I can still see your wings? I usually never see them for more than a couple’a seconds at a time.” Dean peered over Cas’s shoulder, letting the washcloth lag over his collarbone as curiosity got the better of him. Cas took in a sharp breath and retreated just slightly from Dean’s proximity. “I seem to be having trouble stowing them away entirely. My apologies, they became slightly damaged in the altercation.” Dean furrowed his brow. “What do you mean, ‘entirely?’” “What you see is only their shadow; not their physical form. I keep them in a different plane of existence, but when they need tending to it becomes… more difficult to keep them hidden.” Cas’s body language was steely, as usual, and hard to read. “You mean what I’ve been seeing is just some heavenly jacked-up angel-juice projection? You have actual, physical wings, like with feathers and crap?” Dean raised his eyebrows in amazement, but Cas seemed tense.

Wish Upon a star | @malicmalic

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 10,000 Main Tags/Warnings: WingFic, BlanketForts, Nesting, FallenAngel Castiel, Angel/Human relationship, Human AU, meet cute Summary: Prompts: - wingfic (wing grooming is especially a bonus) - snow fort building OR blanket fort building after a day in the snow. basically: forts and comfort - nightmares and h/c - picnic (cloud watching, homemade food, etc etc) but honestly i’m not picky - as long as it’s destiel, i’ll devour it hahah Or the one where MalicMalic decided to write ALL the prompts.

Flight Back to You | @sunshine-zenith

Rating: General Word Count: 11,924 Main Tags/Warnings: Resurrection; Fallen Angels; Exes to Lovers (Dean and Cas); Supportive Sam; past minor character death; past Amelia Novak/Castiel; Castiel/Michael and Jimmy/Dean in a way but not really Summary: Dean's exhausted, wracked with strange dreams that bring back memories of a teenage fling he had years ago. While on the way to check out a potential case with his brother, his exhaustion catches up with him, nearly sending both him and Sam over a cliff's ledge. Luckily, a familiar face from Dean's past comes at the perfect moment to provide them shelter for the night. The thing is, as it turns out, they actually have a lot more history than Dean initially remembers. And all three of them apparently have a lot more feathers than Dean is comfortable with.

My Soul Whispers Your Name | @casblackfeathers

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 15,933 Main Tags/Warnings: Canon Divergent, winged Dean, wing kink, wing grooming, soul and grace bond, fluff, hand jobs, blow jobs, bunker, domestic, happy ending, mutual pining, jealous Castiel, protective Castiel, sweet Dean, getting together, hurt and comfort Summary: When Amara tells Dean that she will give him what he needs most, the last thing he's expecting is to sprout fucking wings and to be able to sense what his own soul — and heart — really want, making it impossible for him to ignore all the feelings he's been harboring for Cas over the years. It’s no shock that Dean’s soul is drawn to Cas like gravity and now that Dean can perceive Cas’ grace all the time, he’s constantly reminded how stupidly breathtaking it is. He had been a goner since the second he laid eyes on Cas, and this just seals the deal. Now that he’s stuck like this, he might as well pull his head out of his ass, give it a shot, and finally get what he always wanted.

Cupid in Love | Destielshipper4Cas (AO3)

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 18,285 Main Tags/Warnings: Strangers to Lovers, Pining, Retired Hunter Dean, Angel Castiel, Oil Gland Kink, Wingfic, Bottom Cas, Top Dean, Omega Cas, Alpha Dean, Happy Ending Summary: Castiel’s success rate for matching humans who stay together for the rest of their lives is the best among his kind. Enter Dean Winchester, an alpha who breaks up with the perfect match Castiel found for him not once, but twice. If he wants to save his reputation as a cupid, Castiel has no other choice than to go to Earth in order to find out what this alpha’s issues are. It is supposed to be a quick trip. But things don’t always go as planned…

We're Butter off Together | @whichstiel

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 27,207 Main Tags/Warnings: Butter sculptures, Bed sharing, Magic, True love's kiss, Bed and breakfast Summary: Set immediately after the Season Five episode “The End” this canon-divergent story begins with Dean and Sam heading to the Wisconsin State Fair to check out a butter sculpture of an angel that sounds awfully similar to Castiel. Sure enough, when they arrive the incomplete sculpture looks a lot like Cas - enough so that the Winchesters call in the angel himself to help investigate it. Castiel, upon arrival, is mistaken as Dean’s partner - as in “life partner” - and they’re forced to share a room at a local B&B during the investigation. When Cas falls prey to the dark powers at work, Dean must confront his feelings in order to save Castiel.

Calming the Weather | @seidenapfel

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 35,490 Main Tags/Warnings: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Post 15x18 – Despair, the finale never happened, Angel Dean Winchester, Human Castiel (Supernatural), Angel Wings, Repressed Dean, Internalized Homophobia, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Dean Winchester in Denial About Sexuality, Dean Winchester Has Sexuality Realizations, Domestic Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eventual Smut, Kid Jack Kline, Minor Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, First Kiss, Castiel and Dean Winchester Use Their Words, Castiel and Dean Winchester Have a Profound Bond, Angelic Grace (Supernatural), Castiel's True Form (Supernatural), Castiel/Dean Winchester Wing Kink, Wing Kink, Mild Smut, Angel Castiel (Supernatural) Summary: Rescued from the Empty, Cas is fully human, and miserable. So, rather than acknowledge what happened in the dungeon, Dean searches for a way to change that. He finds it in a simple spell. The spell gives ordinary humans a limited dose of angelic powers. Too afraid it might harm Cas, Dean tests it on himself. But it backfires. Thanks to a piece of Grace bound to his soul, Dean wakes up fully powered, wings and all. With their roles reversed, it is up to Castiel to teach Dean how to wield angelic powers, and for Dean to share the peaks and lows of humanity with Castiel. Misconceptions come to light as they learn from each other. Meanwhile, a storm is brewing. In order to stop it, Dean not only has to get a hold on his emotions, but he must face a revelation about himself, one he had repressed all his life.

The Angel's Widower (WIP) | @pray4jensen

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 60,416 Main Tags/Warnings: top!cas, bottom!dean, soul bond, mating rituals, wing kink, enemies to lovers, s12 canon divergent, angst with a happy ending Summary: After Castiel dies, a portal to another world opens and obliterates the universe that Sam and Dean know. A world with new rules and new consequences, a world where humans live in camps enclosed by high walls to keep angels out, where angels will do anything and everything to seduce and lure humans away. Why and to where beyond the wall, no one knows. But then one night, on the other side of the wall, in the middle of a snowy blizzard and under the cover of darkness, an angel with beautiful black wings and a familiar face appears. His name is Castiel. And he asks Dean to go with him.

Dangerous Temptation | trenchcoat_paradigm (AO3)

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 101,143 Main Tags/Warnings: Curse Breaking, Mutual Pining, Dreamsharing, dream walking, Castiel Gets Wings Back (Supernatural), Wing Kink, Dean Winchester Can See Castiel's Wings, Mutual Pining, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Misunderstandings, Fluff and Smut Summary: “The fuck is that?” Dean grabbed his wrist before fingers could make contact with his forehead. The gold talisman swings wildly with the sudden and fierce motion from Castiel’s clutched fist. Dean’s posture slumped in discontent as green eyes met his stare. “Damnit, Cas.” -------- When a childhood fairy tale comes to life, Team Free Will 2.0 is left with the challenge of finding and destroying an enchanted talisman known as the ‘Crown of Luck’. A mystical medallion so powerful that it is said to grant the wearers' most deep-seated desire. But the boys know all too well from past experience how detrimental that can be. However, Castiel is oblivious to its true power, (even if it managed to fully reconstruct his wings) he already knows the one thing his heart truly desires is something he can never have. Dean thinks he’s going crazy, he’s always had a little crush on his best friend, a ‘look but don’t touch’ kind of thing. But with his head giving him ideas, dreams shared with his favourite angel (and with him flaunting those damn wings all the time!) it’s making his little infatuation harder to ignore.

#destiel trope collection #destiel trope collection 2023 #destiel #fanfic #wing fic #day 30

[alexxncl]

obey me hcs (mainly the brothers)

masterlist | more drabbles/hcs | pt 2

keep in mind my mc is black lol

slight nsfw warning ?? it's just asmo shape-shifting

also this is so long i apologize

first and foremost, SIMEON AND DIA AFROLATINO KINGS

the two of them and mams always help mc with wash day

barbatos also does bc he helps dia with his hair and will silk press the FUCK out your hair

mams can do locs and helped the angels in the celestial realm who had them with their retwists and detox

mc convinced him to start a business on the side bc they could tell how much he loved doing their hair

beel loves kids and they love him, he's a jungle gym

levi used to (and still does) go mute when he's overwhelmed, luci and mammon taught themselves sign language in case they need to communicate with him

luci was ridiculously overprotective of the brothers when they fell, but the longer they stayed in the devildom, it was less obvious bc his pride didn't allow him to show those emotions outright

asmo can change his genitalia at will depending on his partner's needs/desires

all the brothers are some sort of neurodivergent, and so is (my) mc

this is kinda canon but all of them are queer and luci is the only cis one out of all the brothers

mc helped them become more comfortable with stimming both in the main tl and in nb bc they do it a lot themself

mams, barbatos, and luci are the best to go to when your anxiety gets bad bc they all have it and know how to handle it best/take your mind off of it

idk if this is canon or not but luci advocated for a hybrid-like rad so levi would be able to take some of his classes virtual when his anxiety gets too bad

mc has touched everyone's tails/wings out of pure curiosity once everyone was comfortable enough around them

mams always carries around crow food and birds are almost always following him around bc of it

luci and dia fucked before the fall.

mc started singing wade in the water whenever luci made them do shit and now mams does it too

mc rarely left their room after the lesson 16 incident and everyone but belphie checked up on them

lucifer forbade him from going anywhere near them but he still tried to at least see if they were ok

lucifer is *almost* physically incapable of apologizing bc of his sin

mams rarely uses his powers to their fullest extent, he did it once not too long after they fell and vowed to never do it again out of fear of hurting the people he cared about

satan's powers are equally fueled by wrath and grief

satan was with lucifer from his creation, god didn't wanna make both of them bc he knew satan would be the catalyst for a war

asmo and solomon almost dated but asmo pushed himself away bc he's scared of committment

levi had to physically hold mammon back from *seriously* hurting belphie after the lesson 16 incident

solomon is lilith's son

solomon is actually a decent cook when he doesnt try to experiment...but he always tries to experiment

magic can't even fix whatever he makes when he cooks

simeon can't see for shit but never wears his glasses

beel had and still has a lot of body image issues, his gluttony worsened them and he works out nonstop to cope

belphie listens to white noise on the rare occasion of him not being able to sleep

simeon would've fallen with luci if he found out what was happening and had more time to think, part of the reason why he was so ok with being demoted

dia wanted to be the closest to belphie when they first fell bc of their shared interest in humans and was hurt when belphie was standoffish

luke will be one of the most powerful, if not the most powerful, angels in history

i feel like he was a human and he died when he was really young and became an angel after

mephisto is a kpop stan and ults stayc

he compensates for his low self esteem and jealousy of luci and dia's friendship with the newspaper position

he also has a crush on both of them but wont admit it to himself

raph scolded the brothers so much bc they were his favorites, he didn't want them getting caught by god

felt guilty for letting the brothers fall alone, but not nearly as guilty as simeon

thirteen is a lesbian and i love her and we're married <333333

she hates solomon bc he was one of her assignments and she failed bc he's immortal

familial issues bc of the failure, she's the baby of the family but was still outcast

mc taught mams how to play spades and he's terrible at it

i'm so sorry 😭

#obey me nightbringer #obey me #obey me leviathan #obey me mammon #obey me lucifer #obey me satan #obey me asmo #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me beel #obey me belphie #obey me belphegor #obey me mc #obey me black mc #obey me thirteen #obey me diavolo #obey me barbatos #obey me mephistopheles #obey me raphael #obey me luke #obey me solomon #obey me simeon #obey me nb #obey me shall we date #omswd #obey me headcanon #obey me headcanons #obey me hcs #obey me x black mc

[soulkeeper801]

One day - Twice’s Im Nayeon

Twice’s Im Nayeon x f!reader

(A/N: I suggest reading Wait For Me so you understand the context of this one).

TL/DR: Nayeon has made the decision to prioritize her career over her love life. Is it worth it?

---

“Your ID?” the man in the door asked before letting you in.

You put your hand in your pocket and realized it wasn’t there.

“Eh,” you stuttered, “I work with the artist that is performing today, I forgot my ID”.

The man looked at you and shook his head. He wasn’t going to let you in, he had instructions.

“Come on, I’m part of the staff, ask anyone inside, they know me!”

He sighed. “You’re not getting in, please leave”.

“She’s with us,” a voice from inside said.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Miss,” he quickly apologized and opened the door for you. 

Nayeon offered you her hand before walking in with you, “what happened?”

“I forgot my ID, my backpack and my wallet,” you sighed.

She laughed. “Why?”

“I was supposed to go pick Jihyo up, so if I was coming back with her they would let me in, right? But when I got to her apartment she had already left”.

She couldn’t stop laughing.

“Alright, it’s not that funny,” you said, trying to sound annoyed but secretly giving in.

“You’re so cute,” she said, resting her hand on your cheek.

You stopped walking and held her gaze. 

One day.

-----

“I think they may ask about my ideal type in the interview,” Nayeon said, fixing her make-up and looking at you through the mirror.

You were sitting on a couch behind her in her waiting room.

“I think I’m going to say Lee Minho,” she chuckled.

You smiled. “He’s cute,” you stated, gaining a laugh from her.

“I wish I could say it’s you”.

You smiled sadly this time, diverting your gaze to the floor.

“Nayeon-ssi,” a member from the crew asked, “it’s time to start recording”.

She nodded and squeezed your hand when she passed by you.

“Nayeon, you’ve been single for so long, don’t you wish you had someone with you?” the interviewer asked, trying to make her blush and getting cheers from the fans that were attending the recording.

She smiled at the fans. “My ONCEs are enough for me, they take care of me and worry about me all the time”.

Fans went crazy again as the interviewer chuckled at such an expected answer.

“Tell us about your ideal type, Nayeon, how would you describe him?”

She sighed, looking at the back of the crowd where you were standing.

“Well, to be honest, my ideal type…” 

Nayeon started to detail the way you would treat her, how you take care of her, the way you smile, the spark in your eyes. She completely described you without mentioning your name.

You smiled at her when her eyes met yours as it was only the two of you at the studio.

One day

---

“Oh, wow, look at that cute dimple of yours,” the girl standing next to you said, startling you a bit with her boldness.

“T-thank you?” you replied when she blocked your way so you would stay and talk to her a bit longer.

“You work with Nayeon unnie, right? I’ve seen you around a few times”.

“Yeah, I work with Twice. I actually should be with them now so I’m afraid I have to leave you”.

“Oh, don’t be like that,” the girl insisted. “They’re still on stage and we can keep talking for a bit. Y/N, right?”

You chuckled at her efforts. “Yes. Jennie, right?” you asked with the same tone and she replied with a smile.

“Cute and witty, you got everything, Y/N”.

You smiled back, a little bit flustered by the way she was looking at you.

“Can I have your ph-”

“Y/n!,” Nayeon called from the other side of the hallway. “The staff is asking for you in the waiting room”.

“Come on, unnie,” Jennie said, “don’t take her away from me”.

Nayeon couldn’t help but roll her eyes which surprised the younger girl.

“Sorry, Jennie, I gotta go,” you simply said before leaving her side.

Nayeon glared at you the moment you stepped into her waiting room.

“What?!”

“Ugh,” she groaned, “I know I have no right to be mad, but I can’t help it”.

“Hey,” you said, cupping her cheeks, smiling at the jealousy showing in her face. “You have nothing to worry about. I have eyes only for one girl, remember?”

She nodded, redirecting her gaze to your lips. 

“Sorry,” she said for the nth time, “for everything”.

You shook your head. “I know it’ll be worth the wait”.

One day.

#twice x reader #nayeon x reader #twice x f!reader #nayeon x f!reader #soulkeeper801

[ener-chi]

Journal Time!! I got a fun story/experience to share today. It actually took place over 2 separate days. TL;DR Reiki and fully letting go; and under the cut: A wandering spirit finding me, pocket-dimension programming, and helping it pass over

Since the story is really long, I'll put the regular post and my musings here up-top, and then my notes under the cut.

When I was thinking about getting my Reiki 3 (aka Master's) Attunement, I remember reading someone say that the Master's Attunement is like a roller coaster, and once you get on, you cannot get off, no matter how much you want to.

I find that this is absolutely true. So many things have happened in the past 2 years that have just completely turned me and my life upside down. It definitely has felt like a roller coaster lmao.

Especially lately. Super long story short - I have been feeling more and more that I just... don't have control. I have been trying - in vain - to control my thoughts, my emotions, my stress, stressors in my life, situations, energies, etc. etc. - all in vain.

It finally came to the point where I realized - I can't control anything. There is nothing that I can do.

And in that moment, I remembered that I had dedicated myself and my life to Reiki. And I decided to just... let go. I can't control anything. I might as well just... trust Reiki, and let it take me where it wants me to go.

Since I have done that... everything has changed. I find myself in a Flow that I can't really explain. I am being guided to people and situations and things that I wouldn't have otherwise, that were absolutely divinely timed. And I feel my trajectory changing. I have been caring about things that... weren't in alignment with my Path, and what Truly Matters. I am starting to see things more clearly now.

It is... absolutely terrifying to me that I don't have any control. It makes me extremely scared and anxious. And yet... there is a comfort in knowing that... I don't have to worry, and that I'm being watched over and taken care of, and going where I need to go. And also... it's freeing. I don't have to spend so much energy trying to control things that I couldn't anyways.

Anywho. Thanks for reading! My experience with a wandering spirit will be below the cut.

I hope that everyone has a wonderful night!

Blessings!

Here are my notes from when I encountered and helped a wandering spirit pass over. If you are new to my blog or are unfamiliar with my readings, I do automatic writing, where I write down everything that I think/see/hear/feel/experience as it happens, which is why it looks the way it does.

I sense a presence in my room... Actually... It's been lurking around...

Hello... I feel hands on my shoulders...

Who are you...

Comes in front of me... What do you want... Kind of wispy...

I get more firm... If you do not tell me who you are and what your intentions are... You will be forcibly removed. I do not tolerate unwanted visitors.

Puts hands up... Having a hard time communicating with them... Perhaps human...

I soften... I feel them...

I can't speak well with human spirits... But... If you open yourself up to me, I can feel you... And communicate with you that way...

A bit hesitant but...

I apologize... When you work with spirits... You must be careful... Besides... If you found a stranger in your room, wouldn't you also be on guard??

Nods... I feel... Hm... Human spirit definitely... I see them... Wandering through the halls of my apartment complex... Found me... Drawn to me... Light... Gravity...

Did you pass?? I see... That... They are related to a friend... Or someone in the building... They passed away... Stuck around them... And then... Kind of... Wandered... Didn't know what else to do...

They loved this person... Wanted to see them again... Before... Before well... Unsure...

As I expected... It can get a bit foggy if you don't pass immediately... They saw my light and warmth... Different energy... Than everything else around... Drawn to it... Doesn't know what it is... But... Knows that it is... Safe... Good...

I smile... Again... I apologize for earlier... I... Am a spirit worker... Astral traveler... Gifted... Etc...

One of the things that I can do... Is... Help spirits pass over... To the other side...

What does that mean...

When beings die... Their spirit gets separated from their body... And... It goes to a place that I have dubbed... The Place That Spirits Go... Or... The White Place...

Very aptly named, I know...

I've been there a handful of times now... It is a place of pure light... White light... Cities... People... A lot goes on there...

I... Call it that because I don't have any other evidence or experiential knowledge to compare it to any other theories that we developed here on earth...

Anywho...

With all that being said... I can channel the same white light... And it will help you pass over...

Immediate fear... And anxiety...

I smile... I understand... You don't know what it is... Don't know what to expect... I've helped... Countless spirits... Pass over... And... The energy is... At least what it appears to me to be...

It is... Blissful... Everyone gets so joyous and happy and giggly... It's like... Home... Returning to home...

It is not a bad place... At all... It won't be like you are expecting...

Images of fear... Brimstone... No... No pain or suffering like that... Definitely not Hell...

In any case... I can help you pass over... But you don't have to do it right now if you don't want to...

But... If you want to wait... Which again is fine... I don't know if I'm comfortable with you staying in my apartment... In my space...

I sense his fear of... Out there...

I am reminded of a promise I made to Sekhmet...

Hm...

I will prepare a crystal that you can stay in... And that is the only place that you can be... Without my permission... If you want to get my attention... You can... Hm... I guess you wouldn't know how to astral travel, would you...

Shakes head...

That's fine... For now... I will say... That you can stay in the crystal... And you can only come out to get my attention...  I will make it... Spacious and comfortable in there... Don't worry...

Anxious... But... Relieved...

Alright...

At this point, I didn’t channel/automatic write it, because I was actually doing stuff with my hands physically. I took a crystal – a clear quartz crystal, which is a really good crystal to do this with, as it is kind of “blank” and easy to program, kind of like a blank piece of paper, ready to be filled with whatever you are going to put on it. In a nutshell, I kind of made a pocket dimension inside of it, heavily protected it, and made it so that it has 2 access points. I have access to them, and only those I give access to can use them (to which I gave the spirit access while he was here). I then programmed it to be like furnished and have some energy that might help to nourish a spirit, and also some Reiki should they want it. I also programmed it so that they could influence and change the furnishing and decorations and style to match something that they are more comfortable with.

3 days later...

I'm... Back in my own energy now... and my astral space... I hear a knocking on the door... I go and answer it... And... It is... The spirit again... Comes in... Their energy is... So much better... Than when I saw them a couple days ago...

Hello...

Waves and smiles...

So... Have you made up your mind... Are you ready to go...

Nods... Has something to say, though... I tune in...

Is... Grateful... For the time that he had... And the space that I gave him... He has... Spent some time thinking and was able to think and see more clearly... Able to... Ponder on things...

Also... Visited the person in my apartment complex... One or two more times... I feel... Peace... He was able to make peace with them and what made him stay in the first place...

Comes back to him... Nods... Yes... He is ready to go...

Very well...

I just need to... Untether you from the little home that I made... And then I will get you on your way...

A little bit of anxiety about the passing over...

I smile... Again... Reassure him that... From what I've seen... It is a wonderful experience... And... Intuitively... I tell him that... I actually see... A team... Of people waiting for him when he passes over... With like clipboards... They're smiling and their energy is lovely and warm... Interesting...

Anywho...

As I'm untethering and clearing his energy from the space... There is... A memory that is lingering... That I feel I need to view...

Transition...

Sun... Early summer... Really warm air... Grass... Wildflowers and dandelions... Crabgrass... In this... Grassy area...

I see him... Walking...

Hm... Older... Like... 50's... He is just... Absolutely beaming... So full of joy... On this walk... The weather is wonderful... He is... Walking with people... That I can't really make out... Silhouettes... Shadows... But I can tell that they are people that he loves... Family... I believe...

He is... Very present... Taking in everything about this moment... The weather... The clouds passing by... The air on his skin... Animals... He points out some animals skittering to I believe a grandchild... Or child he is related to...

So much joy in his heart...

I feel... The spirit... Next to me... A hand on my shoulder... Smiling... Warmly... This is what life is about... He is... Grateful... That he got to do it...

He wants to linger in this memory for a bit longer...

We come back...

Transition...

As I clear him from the little "house rock" that I might call it... I give him permission to enter into my space so that I can help him...

And as I do... I feel his presence energetically in the room with me irl...

A shape and figure moving around... Much more... Solidified... And... Has more form... Than when I saw him a few days ago...

Alright... Are you ready...

A little nervous... But... Yes...

I smile... It's going to be great... 

As I connect with this white light and energy... I feel it... Dripping down me... And opening up some blockages in my crown chakra and my hara as it moves down...

He gets a little anxious... But mostly in anticipation...

I cup my hands... Which fill with this white light/energy... I stand in front of him... He smiles and thanks me... I dump it over his head... It trickles down...

He does that thing when someone gets cold water dumped on their head... A little bit of shock... But immediately... Starts to smile... Really big...

Looks at his hands... It feels... Really good... Invigorating... Energizing... His form... Starts to outline in white... And starting from the bottom... Turning white...

He laughs and kind of moves around a little bit... He looks at me one last time... Half-way white now...

He again thanks me... I give him a nod... The whiteness completely enveloping him...

And he glows brighter and brighter... Almost blinding... And starts to fade...

As the brightness fades... He is gone... 

And I am alone...

#mine #journal #5.1.24 #witchcraft #witchblr #spirit work #energy work #spirits #reiki #s #ws #po #twp

[jamietarttsnorthernattitude]

I'm thinking thinky thoughts about your fics and how you have a wonderful sense of setting weight.

'Setting weight' being a term I made up for how much weight an author puts on the setting of a scene.

To use examples, Tolkien puts a massive amount of time and energy into his settings. On the other end of the spectrum (and I have thrown a dart at the wall here) I'd put Chuck Palahniuk. Oh, he has settings - office buildings, fight clubs, self help groups - but there's little physicality to those settings. They exist to paint a theme.

But in both cases, the author rarely connects the character to their setting. To its history or its meaning, yes, but not to the sensation of the character within the space.

So as I sat there, beginning to reread Not to Me, Not If It's You, I was struck by how lovely your sense of setting weight is. I think back to this opening image a lot. To Jamie, sitting alone on a bed in a hospital in Qatar, watching the World Cup on this small TV. The space Jamie inhabits here is very clear. You cannot dissect him from this setting and have the same meaning ring through

Take Apologies From My Tongue, And Never Yours. Colin and Jamie on the bus. What's so special about that, you may ask? They're on a bus. Characters be on the team bus all the time. Well, yes, but do they often feel like they're on a bus? It's small, but sometimes the setting really is just a passing mention of where a thing happens to take place.

Rage, Rage, Against the Dying of the Light takes place in a hospital, but more importantly (to me) it feels like a hospital. It feels like, even if the author isn't focused on writing about the setting, they're not forgetting that the setting exists. The room stays in the room with us. It's not an after thought.

The cab ride snippet you posted for the fic you're writing on, that also had an excellent sense of just... space. The space the characters inhabit. It's a sort of visual I can feel through the words. It feels real without overwhelming to a Tolkien-esque degree.

I don't feel like I've explained this right, but especially with your last few fics, it's something I've begun to really notice. Just. Setting weight. Good stuff. I know this is more technical appreciation than anything else, but I thought I'd share how much I enjoy this aspect of your writing <3

Thank you for these generous words and fuck you for making me FEEL ALL THE THINGS. (anyone outside of the TL fandom going to read that like damn girl, relax).

I’ve been thinking about this a normal amount (that's a lie I will cherish this until my dying day I want it used as my euology) but I still can't form words enough to do it justice, it's all shrimp emotions.

But seriously, thank you (which does not feel like enough) for your amazingly nice words and taking the time to send them and looking at my works. It's really an honour to have you read them and that they had any impact that you would remember them is absolutely flooring me.

And it's especially an honor because you are one of the authors I try to emulate with this particularly. There are so many amazing authors in this fandom that I learn from everyday and I while I look at your work with admiration for many, many aspects, I especially have tried to learn from your stories and their setting weight (wonderful term btw!).

Thank you so much for taking the time to share this with me, it's especially helpful when I'm struggling through the normal writer horrors. The imposter syndrome is real and especially because there are so many amazing writers here I often struggle comparing myself. The doubting voice in the back of my mind has been especially loud lately. I think there is no other land is the fic I have had the most interest about on here which is amazing and exciting but also fucking terrifying.

The mortifying ordeal of being known, am I right?

All of this rambling to say THANK YOU, for these wonderful, kind, thoughtful words but also THANK YOU for being you and inspiring me, for talking me through whatever story help I need, for giving me story ideas, for being the extremely supportive person you are, for your kudos, comments and bookmarks, for sharing my work or snippets, for sharing cat photos, for absolutely FEEDING me with your works and snippets (where I can be found laughing and/or crying on a regular basis), for sharing your thought provoking analysis.

But most importantly, thank you for your friendship. I am beyond blessed to have the wonderful people in this fandom but especially you. I do not miss all the support you spread through tumblr and ao3 and I have no doubt everywhere you go. You are a joy and I smile everytime I see your name (and esp after I realized you and @jamiesfootball were one in the wonderful same lmao).

Now stop being so nice to me ;)

#wahhhhhhhhhh #seriously I am unwell with how nice you are to me #whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy #If I can't deflect with thanks I got it on sale or thanks it has pockets I don't know what to do #all this to say thank you #but thank you will never be enough #I have already read this a reasonable amount of times* #*that is a lie #aahhh thank you #love you #you are too nice to me #shrimp emotions #readwing #<33333

[happyinjection]

♠️♥️High Card Radio Mini Drama 5 “Cherry Blossom Viewing”♦️♣️

Source

Chris: Good morning~ Whew, just when I thought the days are going to continue to be cold, the atmosphere suddenly becomes pleasantly warm~ Oh, dear me~ *yawns*

Finn: ...tch. Hey, Chris!

Chris: What’s the matter, Finn? You’ve been wrinkling your eyebrows since the morning. Your precious pretty face would get ruined, you know.

Finn: Do you have any idea what time it is right now?

Chris: My bad, I forgot my watch~

Finn: It’s 11.30!!! I’ve told you that Leo, Vijay, and Wendy are on a business trip today, right? Even though it’s only the two of us holding the fort today, you still have the audacity to come late.

Chris: Finn, I won’t be complaining if I were you. The ambience of springtime which induces sleepiness is the one to blame. 

Finn: Enough with your excuses! As a result of Chris oversleeping, since this morning, everything from cleaning the store to dealing with customers, I did them all by myself!!

Chris: Isn’t it incredible that you could do them all by yourself? Finn has followed my footsteps in becoming a fine employee of Pinochle~!

Finn: And that is how I always got dragged by your pace, but I won’t let it slide this time.

Chris: I must be losing my touch, huh. Very well, here you go. Take this as an apology.

Finn: ...A flower?

Chris: A cherry blossom petal. On my way to work, I stopped by a park and picked it up.

Finn: Despite being late, and not by a small margin at that...

Chris: When we look at the cherry blossoms, we realize that the spring really has come around. These petals tell us the changing of seasons. One can even say that they are love letters from the earth itself. It’s a shame to pretend not to admire them, don’t you think?

Finn: You can’t be serious...

Chris: That’s it! Let’s go and see the cherry blossoms together!

Finn: What the hell are you saying? We’re still on business hours!

Chris: No, no! I’m impressed that you’re so passionate about your job, but not acknowledging the beauty of cherry blossoms is an unforgivable sin. Alright! It has been decided, let’s get ready for a stroll~!

Finn: No one has decided anything! Besides, what if someone drops by the shop?!

Chris: Just tell them that we’re temporarily closed for cherry blossom viewing, can’t we do that~?

Finn: No we can’t!

Chris: Eh~? It would be fine, just fine~ Leo and the others are not around, anyway. It’s going to be an intimate get-together between a senior and his junior. Let’s take a breather once in a while, shall we~!

Finn: No, absolutely not!!!

Chris: Wha~t, you’re such a killjoy~ If that’s so, why did I even rush coming to work, it’s all gone to waste~

Finn: You were in no hurry whatsoever, that’s why you were late!! On top of that, you stopped by a park!!!

Chris: *yawns* Alright then, I’ll be in the painting room, wake me if a customer shows up~ *yawns again*

Finn: Are you seriously going to sleep again.

Chris: I can’t help it~ We can only blame this sleepiness on...?

Finn: *awkward pause* ...the ambience of springtime?

Chris: That’s correct~ ‘Kay, good night~

Finn: ...A pain in the ass. Today’s Chris is a major pain in the ass!!

♠️♥️♦️♣️

TL Notes: again, I’m not a professional translator, feel free to tell me if you spot any mistakes. This is a part from their routine radio show, in the beginning of each episode they insert an in-character comedic skit. Please listen to the audio source for instant dopamine, Chris’ yawns are really cute. The *questionable* noises he makes are a blessing to listen in general...

#highcard #high card #high card radio #translation #finn oldman #chris redgrave

[29daffodils]

Writing Pattern Tag Game

Rules: List the first line of your last 10 posted fics and see if there’s a pattern.

(saw this on the TL, thought i should do it since i probably won't get to do it otherwise lol, so here we go)

1. i'll keep you close to me

Ray Pakorn is a rumour flying on the summer wind.

ship : sand/ray, only friends

2. here i stay, pray

It's a song Ray doesn't know. But it doesn't matter.

ship : sand/ray, only friends

3. secrets i have held in my heart

The sudden flash of want that zips down his spine upon hearing that quietly curls up and sits low in his belly as his eyes fall upon Sand's face, and that is the first time the thought creeps in.

ship : ray/sand, ony friends

note : the actual first line is a direct quote from sand in OFTS ep. 12, so. not counting that.

4. i dreamt of you last night

Amidst the pitter-patter of an unsurprisingly wet London afternoon, a pigeon outside his office window coos.

ship : yohan/moogyeong, the shape of your love (manhwa, park nodeok)

5. take my whole life too

In the aftermath of it all, when Katsuki wakes up in the hospital, groggy with painkillers and various other drugs, he oddly still feels his right arm.

ship : katsuki/izuku, boku no hero academia

6. i'm feelin' heat in december (when you're 'round me)

This is the scene Aoyama walks in on when he is the last one to come out of the showers : The Urawa Reds Football Club is gathered in their locker room and the boys are on cloud nine — they have won the first game of the season and it's a very good start too.

ship : zaizen/aoyama, keppeki danshi! aoyama-kun

7. we'll meet in the spring

Moogyeong is forty-nine, pushing fifty, and is seated alone in a cafe with a cup of coffee that has long gone cold.

ship : yohan/moogyeong, the shape of your love (manhwa, park nodeok)

8. and the world sang along to it falling apart

“Sir, we are here.”

ship : yohan/moogyeong, the shape of your love (manhwa, park nodeok)

9. just me and the stars can get lonely

There is a moon in the sky tonight, round and hanging low, bright like the bottom of a firefly, casting a soft glow on a sleeping town while Yohan sits awake and misses love.

ship : yohan/moogyeong, the shape of your love (manhwa, park nodeok)

10. all my love to give

“I do,” Yohan’s voice echoes within the walls of the packed church.

ship : yohan/moogyeong, the shape of your love (manhwa, park nodeok)

pattern :

huh. okay, i have thought actually, for a long time, that there's some pattern alright but never gave it that much importance. i think it's mostly something that lands the reader right in the middle of the story? or at least like, bait, yanno? i don't like starting with too much descriptive text, that i am aware of. so it's mostly either dialogue or something that hints directly to the story so that the reader won't be bored to death before they even begin reading.

at least that's my usual thought process when i sit down to write. huhhhh.

I'm also very surprised i've written 41 fics till now. that's not a lot, but at some point when it was just 11 fics, i was wondering if i will ever write more. guess i did. this is also your sign to not quit your art!!! keep going!! fighting!!

(p.s. : I'm much happier with my writing now than i was when it was 11 fics, or even 20, or 30.)

tagging ;

@skyfish7 @justfionn @peachym00 @ae-azile @thisautistic @goodbyeapathy8 @fawndlyvenus @semantics-error

(feel free to ignore this!)

(these are also the few people who i know have an ao3 for writing, apologies if you actually don't write and i got confused lol)

#tag game #my posts #sandray #raysand #yohan x moogyeong #aoyama x zaizen #bakudeku #only friends the series #ofts #boku no hero academia #bnha #너의 사랑에 대하여 #keppeki danshi! aoyama-kun #keppeki danshi! aoyama kun #source : 29daffodils

[ultrasofts]

Lewis/Seb and Baku 2017 if it tickles your fancy? Thank you!

i was gonna say i think i’ve kind of already said most of what i have to say on this one, but here’s a little snippet ("snippet" its almost 800 words lol) from seb’s pov. it won’t make much sense without having read the above but the tl;dr of that story is seb goes to lewis’s hotel room to “apologise” for the incident and they have sex about it instead. vaguely m-rated.

*

The hotel bedspread is irritating, almost scratchy against his skin, and Sebastian squirms against it. He stares up at the ceiling. He’s exhausted, but his mind won’t stop moving, skipping through the events of the day in no coherent order. The characteristic surge of adrenaline at lights out. That annoying reporter from Ziggo before the race, saying 22 point lead, did you know every time you’ve had that big a lead you’ve gone on to win the championship? Daniel’s sticky, champagne-soaked half-hug in the media pen. Hands, twisting on his steering wheel. Lewis’s dick in his mouth, his eyes narrowed and disbelieving. 

Sebastian blows out a breath, dissatisfied. The day has been excruciatingly long, made longer by red flags and safety cars, by anger and adrenaline he can still feel the memory of in his skin. 

He’s hard again. He’d ducked into a long empty corridor outside Lewis’s hotel room for a few moments of deep breaths, until he was fit to be seen in public again. He’s not in public now though, and the memories are more insistent, circling in on Lewis’s hands in his hair, the taste of him on his tongue. The almost anger he’d felt when Lewis had pulled out.

Sebastian presses his palm against his dick, sighs at the sensation. It’s the first touch he’s had all day, too preoccupied with Lewis earlier, with showing him how good he could be at this. He shoves his shorts and boxers down and wraps a hand around himself, starts to stroke. His hands aren’t big enough to pretend it’s Lewis doing it for him, so he closes his eyes. 

Lewis would be good at it, Sebastian thinks. There’s no way Nico was anything but a princess in bed, and Lewis, at his very core, loves to win. Sebastian can’t make that math add up to anything except Lewis being a quick study in how to take him apart. He wonders if he’d have turned him around, hands on Sebastian’s hips, fingers slipping down to push inside him, not slippery enough, but the rough burn a satisfying punishment. 

Sebastian thumbs at the head of his dick, bites his lip. 

Or maybe instead, Lewis could have pushed Seb down on the sofa, kept him pinned there. Gotten on hand around Sebastian’s throat, the other on his dick, quick and ruthless and—

The tiny, squirming bit of shame that’s been turning over in his stomach since the red flag is back, and growing this time. It’s uncomfortably familiar, a sensation he’d been practiced at pushing down, curled up under the covers after Mark left, physically satiated, but mind never quite as soothed. It had never kept him up long, but it had never entirely gone away either.

Sebastian screws his eyes shut and stills his hand. His own hand, the hot emotion, the scene playing out behind his eyes—it doesn’t feel good. It feels how he imagines a sneaky cigarette on a night out would, two years after quitting.

He shoves his shorts all the way off, but pulls up his boxers and gets up to fish a tshirt out of his suitcase. He crawls into bed.

He never really apologised to Mark, except when Christian insisted on it, because he wasn’t sorry and he didn’t intend to lie about it. Sebastian wanted to win, and he wasn’t going to stop trying to. Mark was never very good about keeping what happened on track separate from what happened off it, and Sebastian had been fine to indulge it — Mark had always seemed to think Sebastian choking on his dick was the real apology, like he didn’t really understand that that was Sebastian winning too. 

This feels different. Lewis isn’t Mark, thank god, and he’s not his teammate. Mark had always felt like someone to beat, another obstacle on the way to the championship. He’s known Lewis for most of his life, has spent the last three years itching to go toe to toe with him.

Lewis is someone he wants to measure himself against, and come out on top. 

He rolls over and grabs his phone from the night stand. 

You’re right, that wasn’t a very good apology. Can I call you tomorrow?

He stares at the screen. It’s the first message in the thread—it’s weird to realise he’s never texted Lewis before.

This is Sebastian, he adds. Then he puts his phone away and turns off the lights.

//

In the morning, there’s a reply. 

I’m free after lunch. 

#ok uh the others will be drabbles or doubles i cannot write this much every time #but thank you! #asks #anon #rpf tag #fic asks

[edisonsfm]

camila morrone. 27. cis woman. she/her. » there’s edison pritchett who’s been living in ashford for thirteen years. the burnout currently works as a housekeeper at the atlantic and they’re known for being laid-back but also irreverent at times. rumor around town is that she steals small things and pocket change from customers’ rooms. i overheard they disapprove of the changes happening in ashford because she harbors resentment for wealthier people and gentrification.

trigger warnings: gambling, alcoholism, abandonment, drugs, underage drinking...also this is long AF and i apologize

stats.

FULL NAME : edison rosemary pritchett-calhoun

GOES BY : edison pritchett

NICKNAMES : eddie, edie

AGE : twenty-seven

CAREER : housekeeper at the atlantic

BIRTHDAY : november 16

ZODIAC : scorpio

BIRTH PLACE : montana , usa

GENDER : cis woman

PRONOUNS : she / her

ORIENTATION : bisexual

HEIGHT : 5′7

TRAITS : laid-back, good-humored, cynical, irreverent, apathetic, dogmatic, bold, competitive, directionless

AESTHETIC(S) : growing up too fast, weeds overcoming an otherwise manicured lawn, waking up from sleep in the position of clutching an imaginary teddy bear that hasn’t existed since your childhood, the familiar yet foreign feeling of throwing on your old high school sweatshirt years after you’ve graduated, cigarettes on your birthday cake instead of candles, a carelessness that makes some uneasy, glitter mixed with dirt on the floor after a party

tl;dr & plotting points.

she's been in town since age fourteen when she started high school. she moved here with her mom and step-dad from montana.

edison was a high school athlete and quite popular, but she suffered from a sports injury and stopped playing. without structure, she spiraled and became more of a burn-out/partier.

she attended college for two years but couldn't decide on a major so she eventually dropped out before junior year.

she works at the atlantic and before that she worked in retail and did a stint at delilah's but got fired bc she had a lot of bad customer interactions lol. she's got a temper and will not take your shit just because you've been waiting a long time for your order to come out.

she frequents a lot of bars in town and can be found skateboarding around, shoplifting from anywhere gentrified, and generally being aimless in life. her vibe is chill stoner friend who is also very reckless/irresponsible. she's blunt but emotionally closed off and still hasn't forgiven herself for all the things she never became in life.

life story.

she's from montana. her family started off okay but her dad had a gambling problem, a frequent at the local casinos and underground betting. he left for vegas and edison has felt his absence ever since. he'd call here and there (when he needed something like bail money) or send a birthday card and promise to visit. but then he just...wouldn't. the last time she got her hopes up for him was her high school graduation. he came all the way to massachusetts when her own mother didn't even show up. he promised things would be different but of course they weren't. eddie cut off communication then, tired of being constantly let down.

anyway, back in montana her mom drank a lot after her dad left. she worked odd-jobs but still lost the house and they moved into a trailer park. they were in a trailer for a majority of edison's childhood. the other kids knew which made school hell because they'd tease her and she didn't exactly react well.

as a kid, eddie had a lot of…anger ? she didn’t really know how to express herself with words so she used her fists instead. she has adhd and struggled in school because she was undiagnosed. she fought a lot and her mom wasn't really involved so basically she was a teacher's worst nightmare.

her mom remarried when edison was twelve but eddie did not like her new step-dad. he made eddie uncomfy & i will leave it at that. she avoided being home a lot.

her step-dad's job relocated them to massachusetts, which is how eddie ended up in ashford at age fourteen. she played sports which led to her actually being popular for once.

she’s the girl who peaked in high school. edison will admit this to you in a joking manner. but if you really listen, you can hear the bitterness in her voice. a knee injury put her out of the running for a coveted sports college scholarship.

the liminality of suburbia was her backdrop growing up. cruising down neighborhood streets at 1 am, drunk after a party. not wanting to go home. finding god at the bottom of the public swimming pool after dropping acid after jumping the fence. she still has that aimless energy about her.

when she did attend college, it was too expensive and she was too indecisive so she dropped out after remaining undecided for two years.

she doesn’t know who she is anymore. she went from smol feral angry child to Star Athlete and Prom Queen ™ to ??? she doesn't really know what she wants out of life & she’s been going through a bit of an identity crisis i shan’t lie to you. now she's almost thirty and that fact freaks her the FUCK out but yet it's like she's stuck.

personality.

she drinks. she likes to have fun. she's pretty hedonistic.

she’s sarcastic and cynical. edison assumes the worst in people/situations.

never opens up and pretends a lot of things don't bother her when they do.

she was popular and played a lot of social chess in high school. it taught her some things. but now she'd much rather abandon fake niceties and be real. so she doesn't shy away from being blunt.

she’s generally laid back but also directionless.

edison can lean towards apathy when placed in situations she doesn’t give a shit about. but she’s dogmatic about other things and still has the temper she had as a little girl. she’s not afraid to call people out or speak her mind.

she’s a ride-or-die friend. she will fight for you. literally. she'll get arrested for you if you're her close friend. occasionally she can be the mom friend too since she grew up taking care of her own mom. but more often than not, she’s the one egging you on to do something reckless.

edison is a big pothead. she wasn’t in high school because of sports. it made her sluggish. now she regularly converts old plastic bottles into bongs. she’s also a sloppy drunk. she’ll take anything you give her. 

headcanons.

attenzione, pickpocket!! she's been shoplifting since she was a pre-teen because her family didn't have money. now at the atlantic she steals from guests' rooms. but nothing so big as to where they'd notice...just some personal effects or pocket change. things you'd chalk up to forgetting to pack or misplacing.

she doesn't have a car or driver's license so she skateboards or walks everywhere.

she's cheap as shit. won't even go to a bar if there's a ten-dollar cover.

she will never turn down a free meal. food is the key to her heart. she grew up food-insecure for a while, and then she played sports so she had to watch what she ate. now she loves to eat literally whatever whenever. especially mcdonald's. she has really fond memories of mcdonald’s. back when things were good, her father used to do scratch-off lottery tickets as edison sat on his lap. when he won chump change he’d take her to mcdonald’s to get a kid’s meal.

edison doesn’t laugh. she scoffs. she chuckles. she snickers. but you’ll never see her outright crack up.

will never turn down a dare. she’s got a competitive nature from sports that never went away.

oddly enough she’s sentimental.

pierced her own ear as a child after watching the parent trap. her mom had promised to take her to get it done but kept getting too drunk to drive her to claire’s. so she took it into her own hands. i say ear because she did the first one on pure adrenaline alone but then started crying and her mom found her before she could do the second.

collects vintage t-shirts.

and hats. her personal style is a lot of thrifted and depop stuff. she’s a sneakerhead. rarely wears anything else on her feet. when she does, she likes cowboy boots. it’s that montana gal in her.

doesn’t wear makeup. wore it once as a kid to get the other kids to stop bullying her and they absolutely roasted her when she showed up in electric blue eye shadow and bright red cheeks. it really turned her off to makeup & she had a lot of internalized misogyny to unpack surrounding “girly girls” and judging women who wear makeup, revealing clothes, etc. now she’s very much “do whatever makes you happy” and dislikes those who look down on women for any reason.

as such, she's a big feminist. she's bisexual but she hates most men.

she's named edison after all the edwards in her family. her maternal grandfather and uncle are both eds. she goes by eddie to most. edie is what her dad called her so only a select few get away with that nickname.

wanted.

#ashford.intro #pls feel free to read just the tldr bc this shit is unnecessarily long #i'm jas btw! joining the discord in a bit. feel free to assume connections with edison she's been in town for over a decade #<3 #drugs tw #abandonment tw #gambling tw #alcoholism tw #i did not have the energy for small text lol i'm sorry

[i-want-my-iwtv]

That you for being supportive of people criticizing the new show! All is see when I go into the tags is what feels like toxic positivity while Lestat's "it wasn't that bad, Louis was making shit up" narrative that show is adapting is literally typical abuser rhetoric, and as an abuse victim this whole "Louis is a liar and Lestat wasn't that bad" narrative makes me really uncomfortable and angry and I hate that with this show it will probably only become more prevalent in the fandom, as I'm already starting to see it.

[Tha[nk] you for being supportive of people criticizing the new show!] 

You're welcome, Anon! *hugs* 💗 (I assume you meant “thank” 😅) 

This response got very lengthy, my apologies, I can’t edit it down further. Also, I’m using brackets for your message clips, and italics for things I’m quoting later on, I wanted them both indented.

[All is see when I go into the tags is what feels like toxic positivity...  and I hate that with this show it will probably only become more prevalent in the fandom, as I'm already starting to see it.]

Yes, I’m seeing it pushed harder in both directions, as more pics, clips, articles, and trailers come out, the side that is super excited about it is going to intensify, and the side that wants to criticize it is going to do that, too, as they get more material to evaluate. There’s tons of criticism about fandom and canon, that’s the way some ppl happily engage, especially if they’re writers/artists themselves, by trying to unpack what the showrunners/writer’s goals are and how they seem to be achieving those goals (or not). 

If you need to take a break from fandom, you might want to do it. You can also block my #iwtv amc tag, bc I’m still going to be posting about it, but this way you can block seeing content about it from my blog, at least. I am sorry, though. I don’t think there’s any chance of ppl agreeing to use one unified tag so that others can blacklist it if they need to. I’m trying to navigate how much I want to engage, myself. Fandom is supposed to be a happy place, an escape from reality, not a battleground... but this is a historic moment in the fandom, so I’m documenting with as much capacity as I am able, and advocating for people to express themselves.

TL;DR: All this to say, I can understand where you’re coming from, that the changes to the story seem to disrespect the actual suffering Louis reported as a victim of abuse. Perhaps they’ll take that part out. It seems like they’d prefer to mold Louis into a better companion for this revised, softened Lestat. 

(Anon, I’m going to need to keep going with this response a bit more, I hope that’s alright with you. You can skip this from here if you’d prefer.)

The fandom seems to be on the brink of war over this show and some ppl have said that I have also spread “toxic positivity” myself, not about the show, but by running the fandom gift exchange last year, when the fighting was at a fever pitch, and my few statements basically saying: “Let’s try to be kind to each other.” I have friends on both sides, which makes things difficult, and I’ve chosen not to engage in those discussions. Maybe there are issues in the fandom, but no one has any obligation to enter a discussion with strangers on the internet. This is the case even if one of your friends has chosen to fight about it, but I have on rare occasions stepped in when it was needed to stop a fight from escalating. A person can ask for peace even when their friends, with their own agency, choose to engage in public discussion and even fights.

But because of those fights, I’ve stopped asking for peace. I’m instead trying to state the obvious that there’s enough room in fandom to criticize the show (as we would ANYTHING else), and be hopelessly in love with it, and everything in between. 

Hit the jump for more, cut for length.

---

I think some of the friction we’re having currently is that the new series uses all the familiar canon tags, and I’m seeing a growing trend that at least some of the fans who are excited about it want it to subsume previous adaptations and canon. Rolin Jones re: essentially hopeful that this will in fact replace the (much beloved) 1994 film: (Den of Geek, July 22, 2022)

What are you most excited about for this adaptation?

Most people have this image of Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt. In this, the emotional stakes are super high. It’s Love with a capital L and Hate with a capital H, Remorse and Regret, and mostly reverence and respect. I gotta say, I’m really mostly excited for everybody to see Sam and Jake. You will not be thinking about Tom and Brad, ever again. Of that, I am supremely confident. It’s a very big, grand show. AMC is taking all the right risks on this thing. They are putting something very aggressive out there. They put more money into this than they thought they would, and I don’t think that they’re upset about it. There’s a big, big thing coming.

So this reads like he definitely wants the AMC show to replace the ‘94 movie. Again, I think some fans are thrilled about that. RJ has big shoes to fill, and he knows the comparisons are already being made, so as a showrunner I think he’s probably obligated to address it and show confidence that his adaptation will overcome the previous ones, but it does come across as smug, to my mind. 

[while Lestat's "it wasn't that bad, Louis was making shit up" narrative that show is adapting is literally typical abuser rhetoric,]

I think you make a very good point here. More on that in a bit. 

[and as an abuse victim this whole "Louis is a liar and Lestat wasn't that bad" narrative makes me really uncomfortable and angry and I hate that with this show it will probably only become more prevalent in the fandom, as I'm already starting to see it.]

I’m sorry you’re an abuse victim, and I can’t begin to understand how belittling it must feel be to see, essentially, an abusive character softened/defanged, “washed of his sins,” and therefore make the victim look like a liar. Jacob!Louis certainly looks terrified of Sam!Lestat in some of the promo stills, but is he afraid of Lestat as a vampire, as an abusive person, or is he frightened of being in love with Lestat despite those things? Or, and I hesitate to even call it out, is it none of those, but instead, “gay panic,” because this is the first male person that Jacob!Louis is attracted to romantically? “Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have laid down with the devil” maybe he means it metaphorically? 😬 That’s another topic for discussion when we see the show. I hope they handle that respectfully. 

Rolin Jones seems to have made this Louis a more confident person, he’s not wallowing in depression when Lestat meets him. I think they’re taking out the abuse entirely, and skipping to the shipping.

Will the new adaptation be able to explore the fluid sexuality of the books? 

It’s aggressive subtext in the first book, but by the time you read books eight and nine, it was the love affair of the century. Without spoiling too much, subtext becomes text in our show.

Why is Louis’ situation changed from the book?

...I’ll say this, we’ve given Louis a little bit more of a spine.

Rolin Jones re: inserting later canon Lestat back into IWTV:

How does the contemporary setting affect the timeline?

One of the things AMC asked when they tasked me with the gig was: here and now, how does it change?... The timeline is not going to be wildly different. Lestat was born exactly when he was born. He might meet Louis a little bit later than in the books. We’d go into a big hole if we were to write the Lestat from book one because book two and onward is the “Brat Prince.” We wanted to quickly establish the Lestat that she settled on and put him back into the first book.

Canon Lestat of IWTV has only been a vampire for 10 years in 1791, and he’s been abandoned by his only 2 fledglings, one of which was his mortal lover Nicki, and the other was his own mortal mother. He’s barely 30 years old in mortal years. He’s already gone to ground to deal with these losses, and not much time passes before Marius scoops him up, makes him feel like he might finally fit in somewhere, and then Lestat’s fiasco with waking Akasha gets him kicked out of Marius’ life. AND he has his mortal father to take care of. 

But in AMC’s timeline, which I think starts in 1910, if we keep Lestat as being turned in 1780ish, then he’s 130 years older. Maybe he slept through all that time, and was frozen psychologically. 

So he comes to the New World fairly battered by all he experienced in his first 10 years as a vampire*, and in the novel, Louis has been inviting death so much that the state of his health seems to pressure Lestat into turning him sooner than he might have preferred.

*Of course, all this is a retcon because of TVL being written after IWTV, it’s up to the reader to decide what they want to accept as canon, and how. 

Either bc of Anne Rice setting Lestat up initially as an exciting, beautiful, but also horribly cruel antagonist in IWTV, or bc of Lestat’s backstory revealed later, (or both), the Lestat of IWTV era is cagey, secretive, abusive, and dismissive of Louis in many ways. He acts impulsively to create Claudia (as I always believe, to save Louis from the ultimate shame/guilt of giving into his own vampiric nature to kill an innocent child, which Louis might never have recovered from) to keep Louis with him. Would later canon Lestat have made that same choice? Knowing Armand’s suffering as an immortal teenager? 

Also, there seems to be a sort of flip flopping between this Lestat and the original. In the clips we’ve seen, he seems to be this almost kind and generous teacher that canon IWTV era Louis would have adored. Then in one scene, he tears a priest out of the confessional with Louis in the adjacent booth, to brutally murder the (innocent?) man in front of Louis, to terrify him? Into compliance? I’m confused about what the showrunners want here. Is Lestat the angelic wonderful person (debatable lol) that he tries to be as the Brat Prince in later canon? Hearing disputes and trying to resolve conflicts? Or is he the brash and frightened young vampire who was terrified of revealing too much about himself or showing weakness for fear that Louis would leave him, like Gabrielle did? Or hate him, like Nicki did? 

It looks like this Lestat is a confident, at ease, more generous, more compassionate (or trying to be) like later canon Lestat. We’ll see. 

#iwtv amc #interview with the vampire #anon #ask #abuse #tw abuse #rolin jones #articles #den of geek #vc news #long post #on fandom

[sl-walker]

Ok, you asked for it. Meta Part 1/1000. Who is Scotty?

For me, the biggest question is: how is it that in one universe, a person can be reservedly taciturn, and in the other, socially garrulous? The only answer I can come up with is that it isn’t a fundamental characteristic of self, it isn’t their nature, but a symptom of something else related to some differences in their lives.

Scotty in every universe has three layers: the mask, the damage, the actual person.

In TOS Scotty, the mask is that wall. Sure, he’s friendly enough, but most people don’t know him, and that is fine by him. He’ll give you the surface of himself, and you are going to think you know him, but it isn’t true. And that mask fits over the underlying damage that you have so aptly described in all your stories. The wolf, the survivor. (It gives him an iron backbone that, by the way, I think is missing in AOS Scotty.)

Then we have AOS Scotty. He’s openly gregarious, almost oversharing. He is good at reading people; in the movies he is reacting constantly to what people are feeling and thinking around him, actively tactile, touching them, reaching out, watching. I considered the possibility that he was just a non-trauma response Scotty, the way TOS Scotty might be with a gentler life, but I don’t think that’s true. My interpretation of AOS Scotty is in part informed by pretty much every significant Simon Pegg character: an easy going funny guy who is always masking mental illness, addiction, self-doubt, loneliness, even despair. But it isn’t just the actor. Textually, the broadly comic guy fades when he’s comfortable.

So he’s masking too. What is he masking? What coping technique is reading people that closely for? What is he using humor to cover, what doesn’t he want people poking? It’s not trauma; trauma would send him in TOS Scotty direction—because that’s how Scotty reacts to trauma.

After watching him, I’m convinced he has significant mental illness going on. They both clearly struggle with depression, but the first time we meet AOS Scotty he tells us this genuinely insane story about the dog and the transporter which is entirely about overconfidence, euphoric energy, a feeling of invincibility, lack of impulse control … it’s a manic episode. (Which, honest to god, I also think he has going throughout the entirety of the first movie.) He tells the story for comedy, what’s he covering? That dog could have just as easily have been a person. AOS Scotty is afraid of himself, of hurting people. He’s reading people because he’s using them as a stand in for his own judgment, which he doesn’t trust. Am I out of control? Am I scaring you?

Now, in both of them the mask and the damage causes some additional issues that overlap, but also some things that may be actual self. They share some arguable negative traits. Self destructive fuckup? Yep. Obsessive, addictive. Someone who people don’t actually know because the real person is generally buried under the mask. Irritable and grumpy. Stubborn. Pushback when someone is being an idiot. Can get emotional and riled up. Is that because they are masking and damaged, or is that part of who they are?

I’m convinced that the real person, underneath everything, is fundamentally the same in both universes. The sweetheart. Brilliant, serious. The reasonably-natural leader. (TOS Scotty is frequently badass; AOS Scotty takes control of the engineering deck instantly, with zero authority.) Prefers order but will let it go if he has to. Develops unusual relationships that aren’t easily classified. Lights up the room when he is genuinely happy. Drops truth bombs that people don’t always want to hear.

What do you think? The guy who won’t speak two words is the same person as the chatterbox who won’t shut up. Why?

I have put a TL;DR at the bottom as an apology for the length of this. >.>

Okay, so-- bearing in mind that everything I know about the AOS versions I've learned second-hand, either via that one spectacular RPer back in '09 or now you, and that I am an Opinionated Person--

My answer is that it was always a parallel universe, never a branch off. That Spock accidentally followed Nero sideways into an already-existent parallel, that they weren't creating something new, but interfering with something already there. That's legitimately the only way it makes sense to me; not only in terms of like actual characterization, but also in universal aesthetics. Jim Kirk having blue eyes, while Len McCoy has hazel, stuff like that. Apple store versus actual deep sea submarine. Cornfields versus geosynch orbit over San Fran. XD

It's always been, for me, that Pegg's Scotty is such a vastly different critter from Doohan's that I can't honestly ever see them having been the same person even in the past. And I think some of that is nature, and no small amount of that is nurture (or different kinds of lack thereof), and then just different formative experiences, too.

So, I've always operated on the theory that they're actually genetically half-brothers, because that does make actual perfect sense to me; that can also explain why I can see more easily where AOS Scotty could be related to Peter Preston (a fair-haired kid with lighter hazel eyes from what I can tell) whereas TOS Scotty is a bit more of a stretch there.

And that also means some variations on hows and how nots.

God, I dunno whether I should beg forgiveness or not for the length and rambling nature of this, but here goes:

All right, so I definitely write AotW with the aim of it being perfectly dovetailed to TOS canon (before Disco and SNW, though if they come up with something excellent that fits, I'll gleefully add it in), all the way to Relics (and beyond), occasionally yoinking a plot or two I like from the novels, or some other incidental and then asking lots and lots of deep questions. Like, "Excuse me, what was up with [insert event] at this [insert timestamp] that had that particular expression on your face?" and then writing, I dunno, 10K of backstory for it. LOL! OR, my god, this whole storyline was because I was chin-handing at Scotty (as one does or should) going, "But why did you buy a boat for retirement?" And then like, twenty-one years later, I've answered that one, but asked about a thousand more.

Digression aside, though. So, going on TOS canon, my take on the facets (caveat emptor, caveat lector):

1.) The mask he wears: Made of stereotypes and assumptions made by other people which he just doesn't correct or offer anything deeper to. Largely self-protective. He doesn't want to get too close to his crewmates, not because he doesn't care about them -- he very much does! -- but partly because personal trust does not come anything like naturally to him, it generally has to be earned and the only one I think who earned even some of that is Spock by that point.

But also partly because Scotty's already deep into his career? He's at the age where most career officers can retire, whether they choose to or not. Hell, he reached that age before Jim Kirk even took over. He's five years older than McCoy, and most of a decade or more older than the rest. So, he's already climbed to the peak of where he dearly wanted his career to go (Enterprise's Chief, Pike's Chief) and is actually, seriously contemplating retirement. Starfleet's changing around him some, he has definitely Been Through Some Shit, he has a family he wants to go back home to. Like, despite loving the Enterprise, and considering her half of his home, she's not all of it, and he does want to watch nieces and nephews grow up, he does want to try his hand at teaching on a larger scale, and hell, maybe he'll find a lad or lass who can live with him. (There are reasons he doesn't ultimately retire, but we won't get into those here.)

So, allowing himself to get too personally attached to his crewmates is a recipe for being kept in service past when he wants to be. It also, in my timeline, is because he lost one crew very traumatically and has lost crewmates otherwise, and loving people just so they can die on him trips allllll over his abandonment issues anyway. So, easier to keep them at arms length, care for them, protect them (even with his life), but never let them have pieces of himself that there's no getting back.

I think the mask is even more opaque in the movie era, too.

2.) Actual fuckup: Surprisingly not as much in evidence in TOS-era canon as one might expect. He only gets drunk onscreen once, and even then he wasn't doing it for fun, he was doing it for a purpose. I tend to write him with Jimmy in mind, who definitely drank (and got hammered), but who also regularly quit for long periods of time just to prove to himself that he wasn't his alcoholic father. At least in my stuff, in the TOS era and before it, Scotty only gets absolutely trashed when he's happy; he knows better than to drink when he's upset, so he doesn't. He doesn't like where his mind goes otherwise. And he knows what that can lead to, too.

There's a line in Torn that always sort of sticks with me:

He didn't like to fight, not like that. Not verbally, not physically. If confrontation could be avoided, Scott avoided it -- he didn't like the sick feeling that came with that kind of anger, the kind that boiled. He hated that feeling, knew too well what it could lead to if you got to like it too much. If you're too good at something and you like it too much, you'll do it. He didn't like it, but it seemed like he was always doing it anyway.

That kinda goes double for alcohol. So, he drinks on screen, but he's only shitfaced once in TOS, and even then under other circumstances. He drinks in the movie era, too, but I think we only see him mildly tossed in VI. And then Relics, but who the hell could blame him? (I personally think he drank as self-medication occasionally by then, hence me writing What Is Late. McCoy does get to see behind the mask, but -- tellingly -- can't actually do anything with what he can see to help in the deep ways that are needed there.)

So, the other actual fucking-up is mostly in crushing on exactly the wrong kind of people (women who need/want something he's just not) and losing his head trying to uphold a chivalrous ideal, only to land firmly on his face. Despite that dumbassery, though, he's not controlling or possessive, just protective and ridiculous.

I would label his propensity for being (a little frighteningly) willing to die in the line of duty under this, except I don't think that's actually much of a character flaw? Like, I don't think he devalues his life at least in that era? So much as it's just how he's wired. There's a scene I don't know if you've read, that I originally conceived of when I was first writing ONOW, believe it or not, but didn't have the nerve to write back then. Or the skill, honestly. Fairly shortly after Corry pulls Scotty out of the ocean. And I only just added it back when I did the most recent workover of that novel, and it kinda goes into it some:

Cor was gone when he woke up the time after, what felt like a fair piece of time after; he thought he was maybe delirious when he found himself looking at Sean Kelley, sitting with the chair back at the table.

“They’re pack animals, you know. Family animals,” Sean said, hitching Corry’s blue blanket up tighter around his shoulders, after a moment where they just stared at one another. “Wolves, I mean. I grew up in Montana; at dusk, you could hear them singing.”

It wasn’t a non sequitur, exactly. It was more than Scotty knew how to process. He took a deep breath -- aware again of what that felt like -- and let it out; felt how much it weighed to do that, too. “‘M nae sure ye’re ‘ere,” he said, mouth not wanting to work right; still, it seemed necessary to let Sean know that he might not actually be real.

Sean didn’t seem to care whether he was real or not.  “World War III was the best thing for them,” he said. “Even though Colonel Green’s army devastated Bozeman. And Livingston. Even with the radiation. They didn’t have to survive so many of us anymore.” He closed his eyes; in the soft light of the cabin, his face was shining with tears. “We go and pick up a tray from a cafeteria, but they have to fight every day to eat. Or for space to live. For everything.” There was a beat, then he opened his eyes and said, “I jumped.”

Scotty still wasn’t sure he wasn’t dreaming -- or hallucinating -- Sean sitting there.  But he said, “Me too.” Solidarity for a feeling, he thought.

“I know.” Sean freed his arm from the blanket and scrubbed his forearm across his face, voice tight. “It’s terrifying, isn’t it?  I don’t know how to even-- say how horrible it was. How lonely. You know?”

Scotty thought about the black, growling mountains of water.  “Aye,” he said, closing his eyes again; if Sean was the product of delirium, it probably didn’t matter so much anyway.

Sean was quiet for a moment, then said, “No one jumped after me.”

It didn’t sound like a lament; more like a man putting some kind of realization together.

“I woulda.” Scotty didn’t need to think about it; whatever bad blood had existed between them before just didn’t seem important now.  But it wouldn’t have ever, he knew.  He would have jumped after Sean, or anyone else; it would have never occurred to him not to.

This was, though, the first time that he realized that.  He didn't know what that changed, if anything.

Sean made a sound like a laugh, if a laugh could be that fractured. “I know you would have. I would have jumped for you, too. I guess I kind of did, in a way. I guess we both kind of did.  But that’s not what I meant.”

There was no understanding that right now; there would have to be a time later for it. Scotty hummed back something of an acknowledgment, even as the rocking of the Lady Grey and the tenuous sensation of being warm and too heavy to move was pulling him away again.

Right at the edge of gone, he heard Sean say, “Now I know why they call you Wolf.”

And like, that says it. At least my take on it. It's not so much that he wants to die or even wants to hurt himself (though that man absolutely does have the capacity to be incredibly self-punishing if pushed the wrong way), it's that where he places his values sometimes is at odds with continuing to breathe. Even if he is a survivor. Maybe especially because he's a survivor.

So. Onto mental health.

(I absolutely want to pick your brain about AOS!Scotty being bipolar, because wow, that is awesome insight and also a very good explanation for what I thought was a ridiculous tale -- Archer's beagle -- and also like, psychology is my thing, and also like, there is some evidence that if you pushed him in the right ways, TOS!Scotty could have gone that same route, right?? So, like, anything you wanna talk about backstory wise there, please do. For real, I will beg even. What environmental factors were at play there? What of that is genetic?)

But anyway, by the time TOS starts, Scotty's got his headspace pretty well under control. Predisposed to depression (that's one of the many things that happens when you're traumatized as young as he was), has been on rock bottom in his life, but he's also learned a lot of coping mechanisms that would have worked, if he had actually gone and retired when he was planning to. They aren't perfect coping mechanisms, but they do the job.

He's confident and knows his ship, he worked for years under a Captain who not only elevated his career, but built him up in ways that meant he could be comfortable in the center chair, or when everything is going nuts, and he is less prone to reckless courage (but still brave down to his last cell), and like-- I personally think the peak of Scotty's career in Starfleet was before we ever see him in that red shirt for the first time. Because for the rest of the universe, his greatest contributions happened later. But as to him, as a person, as a man who has Been Through Some Shit, I think his highest points were between '56-'65. And I think serving on Kirk's Enterprise, and all the sometimes insane chaos there -- including him being possessed and used as a murder weapon, including him being killed -- started putting some very real cracks in that otherwise solid place he'd clawed for.

And I mean, Season 1 Scotty really is the rock. Steady and calm for the most part; when he does get agitated, it's not really that manic kind that happens much more frequently later. Season 2 Scotty Goes Through More Shit and you can start to see where it's doing a number on him. Season 3 Scotty is just-- like, you can tell he is Not Exactly Okay. He's still smart as hell and competent, but still Not Exactly Okay. Movie!era Scotty is the same, but instead of wearing the mask, he's started pretty much being the mask; when you see behind it is vanishingly rare. And he also still Goes Through More Shit.

So, we get to Actual!Scotty. You say:

I’m convinced that the real person, underneath everything, is fundamentally the same in both universes. The sweetheart. Brilliant, serious. The reasonably-natural leader. (TOS Scotty is frequently badass; AOS Scotty takes control of the engineering deck instantly, with zero authority.) Prefers order but will let it go if he has to. Develops unusual relationships that aren’t easily classified. Lights up the room when he is genuinely happy. Drops truth bombs that people don’t always want to hear.

Agreed. XD On every point, too.

I think, though, that one thing TOS!Scotty has that AOS!Scotty doesn't -- at least as I write him -- is the foundation of his own anger. He swallows a lot of it as a kid. He takes a lot of suffering without biting back, at least at first. (So did his actor.) But that doesn't mean that rage isn't down there simmering.

And like, you've read Forty-Eight (and Give and Take, etc), so obviously there comes a point where he stops tolerating it. That point, I think, is well before that, but before then, he's mostly avoiding and staying away from the things that have hurt him. It's not until his mother drops dead and he almost does and then he gets horribly triggered by circumstances no one intended to be triggers that he starts biting back.

When you told me that AOS!Scotty kind of slumped off devastated when Kirk 'fired' him, that was what really jumped out. Like I said there, that mental image: TOS!Scotty woulda absolutely been lit up hot and loaded both barrels and he wouldn't have gone to drink his sorrows away, he would have gone after Jim Kirk's throat even if he really liked the guy because no one -- no one -- is ever going to hand him a beating again where he'll lay under a fist. Not ever.

So-- I don't know if I've given any answers here, but that's where I think the big differences are:

TL;DR: Different men altogether from the jump because different universes. And TOS!Scotty got that fire and spine and ability to snap back because he once was a battered child with no advocate, and even if he swallowed that anger back then, it still existed and eventually came back, and ultimately even helped him become the absolute badass we see later.

So. XD Thoughts?

#scotty #meta #arc of the wolf

[windvexer]

hey! sent an anon earlier and let me answer the questions you asked: i've been trying for probably 1-2 months (which is maybe not long enough). i haven't given offerings aside from candle burnings in a while, so maybe that's the issue - initially i tried incense and water and food, but i didn't feel any response and burnt out a bit. i leave them on an area. i recently tried to make a spirit house but it doesn't quite feel right yet - i think i need a better container but i haven't found the One. my goal is to get to know local spirits better, mostly, and if theyre down, to get help on my magical practice. i don't really do wards or shields aside from my (non witchcraft/pagan) religious house protection which involves salt. i don't really fully banish my living spaces since i have a cat and worry about her licking said salt

In reference to this ask

For me, the exact manner in which offerings are given matters.

Some people will take a candle and just light it on a specially cleaned shelf with reverence and intent that it is given to all the spirits they want to have a relationship with.

Generally, I find that to be more appropriate for a developed relationship, not a new one.

If I've just moved into a communal apartment and I leave a cake out on the counter, I think it's more likely that all my house mates are going to avoid taking any.

They don't know me and it's not like i actually invited them to some, right?

And if my house mates aren't going to have a slice, we can forget about the neighbors knocking on the door and coming in to have some.

The solution is for me to prepare a list of exactly who I want to eat the cake, and each time I set the cake out on the counter, I clap real loud and go "oy!" to get everyone's attention, and then make a speech like this:

"House mates, I don't know you very well, but want to get to know you. I want to be a good community member and I want us to all be super chill with each other. Therefore, I have baked a cake.

Everyone who lives here, please come have some cake. If I pissed you off somehow, I'm sorry. Please enjoy some cake as an apology for whatever I did. If you're fine with me, please have some cake and think about being cooler with me in the future! If you already like me, have some cake as reciprocity for your goodwill.

Eat up this friendship cake, y'all."

And then I might chill there and have some cake with everyone, or just come back and clean up the paper plates later.

Now, let's say that your house mates are locked in their rooms all day long. You can clap and "oy!" all you want, but they're going to ignore you.

If this is the case (which I wouldn't bother assuming it is, especially if you haven't been using an offering format that specifically calls categories of spirits and invites them to partake), extra steps are required.

In a situation like this, you have to go around and knock on everyone's doors instead of hoping they'll just be in the communal area.

This is more likely to occur when dealing with neighborhood spirits who don't live in your home and may not have any real reason to pay attention to you.

"Knocking on doors" can look like going to where the spirits are (a tree, a rock, an old mailbox, etc) and performing a small ritual combined with giving a small gift, the function of which is meant to open you up to spirit presences and advise them that you're around and available to talk.

There is a small chance your religious protection is causing problems, especially if it has anything to do with "ONLY specific presences from this religion are allowed here."

A fix may be to leave offerings outside or wherever these protections don't occur.

Tl;dr:

Announce your intent for why you are leaving offerings

Clearly specify which spirits are invited to partake and how you hope they will react to it

Choose a schedule like leaving offerings every month or every two weeks to avoid burnout

Avoid putting pressure on yourself for instant contact. Offerings can be a vending machine for spirit communication, where you pay with a candle and receive contact in exchange. But, they can also be your contributions to the spiritual community that are slowly met with reciprocity over time.

The exact nature of the offerings you give (food/incense vs candle) likely doesn't matter all that much

#answered #spirits #offerings

[liloinkoink]

Hey! If you’re still looking for webcomics, I read from WEBTOONs and Hiveworks! And I made a list of what I read on these sights as well for some suggestions on where to start. If you’re looking for nothing like this, I’m sorry I just sent you a giant ask.

WEBTOON:

Completed: Sithrath, UndeadED, Hooky (my FAVORITE webcomic of all time, tho Dani should’ve ended up with Mark the older kid whyyy did the author take out their momentsss), Gourmet Hound, Muted, The Strange Tales of Oscar Zahn, Apocalyptic Horseplay, Ghost Teller, Crumbs, Miss Abbott and the Doctor, Yuma’s Cells, Saphie: the one-eyed cat, Thornstone, Rise From the Ashes, Luff if you don’t mind a love triangle, and Scoob and Shag.

Unfinished: Hominds, April Flowers was good if dark, and The Masked Fables(tho apparently it might get a reboot?).

Ongoing: Lackadaisy, Outrage, The Dummy’s Dummy, Everywhere and nowhere, Suihira: the city of water, Clinic of Horrors, Fox Fires, the Witch and the Bull, City of Blank, Four Leaf, Suitor Armor, Erma, Madame Outlaw, the little trashmaid, Arthwind, Lalin’s Curse, Lore Olympus, Seed, Heir’s Game if you like period works, Room of Swords, and Tower of God for an average Shonen unbalanced turn-your brain-off-cool-colors-fun-fightscenes.

HIVEWORKS:

Blindsprings, AliceandtheNightmare, CutTime, Lilith’s Word, and the Weave are all that I read here and all are ongoing/unfinished.

oh oh oh thank you so much. i am ALWAYS looking for webcomic recs this is so very welcome

ill uh. ill put this under a cut since i had stuff to say on a lot of these comics hold on. there's a TL;DR at the end for your convenience

i apologize in advance for being nearly impossible to rec webcomics to because of how godamn many i have read over the last few years

completed:

I've read Hooky! I was reading it while it was running. i own a copy of the first volume!

Gourmet Hound i followed from basically the beginning, its one of my all time favorite webcomics. the art is so lovely and the plot is even more so. i miss lucy and graham every day theyre so sweet...

Muted is also a favroite of mine! i was reading it since it was on canvas, its absolutely gorgeous. the water color look of the bg is something im so enamored with, the comic settings are just Wow

god i miss the Strange Tales of Oscar Zahn. it;s really pretty. i think about the war ghost one literally all the time, it's such a fun horror series and i really liked it. it's honestly been a few years since i read this, i should really read that arc again

Ghost Teller is another one i loved. i def likes some stories mroe than others, but the art was all so nice. i wish theyd do another season, but theyre also valid to end it where they did

ive read apocalyptic horseplay, crumbs, thornstone, rise from the ashes, luff, and yumi's cells... i followed the first four for a while, read only the opening chapters of luff, and all of yumi's cells, but none of them were really for me. ive also read scoob and shag, and tho i did like it, it got too confusing and i ended up dropping it. i might pick it back up soon tho!

ive also read miss abott and the doctor, waaaaaay back when it was on tapas (tapastic, at the time), but i stopped when it became an original bc i didnt use webtoon yet. i didnt remember it till it was alreayd finished and behind the wall of daily pass

i havent heard of Saphie: the one-eyed cat, Sithrath, or UndeadED. ill take a look! any favorites between these three?

unfinished:

the only one of this one ive read was april flowers. it wasnt really for me, tho i remember the art being nice!

i did want to read masked fables, tho i havent gotten to it yet. maybe thisll be my sign to start. ive never heard of hominids before, whats it about?

ongoing:

fox fires is a favorite of mine! the art and plot are unbelievably charming. ive been following it for a while and i really like it! also theres like... something about the Voice of this comic, yknow, the way everyone talks which i really love

city of blank is another all time favorite comic, ive been reading it since canvas. i love the main cast, the worldbuilding is super fun, i love the author's sense of humor! and the art... i live the style of course, everyone's masks are so fun and so is everything else in this one, but like... oh i dont even know how to explain it. it feels different artistically than other comics? i follow the creator on tiwtter, and at one point they posted abt how they use speech bubbles with a gradient that's color-coded depending on who is speaking, w everyone having a different color, and yes that makes their job more difficult but its important to the comic's look/feel and they enjoyed it so they kept up w it. and that sort of like, attention to the comic being unique and looking nice is something that reallt showed thru the whole comic and makes it super enjoyable. i fucking love city of blank man it deserves so much praise

the witch and the bull is so pretty! the music in this comic is also really pretty

four leaf is so neat. i feel like ive been following this one... if not since it started, then from pretty early on. im really enjoying the current episodes and what we're learning about the wolf, and ive been enjoying learning more abt the darker parts of the witches

suitor armor ive been reading since canvas! i really love the art style and im really interested to see where it goes. also modeus beloved

seed's very neat! tbh i feel like ive got to go back sometime and just reread it from the start, the technical/intrigue aspects of it are starting to get away from me and i really need a refresher

heir's game. beloved heir's game. i think ive been reading this one from the start and im obsessed with it. i was literally reading last night's update when you sent this ask. there are episodes in this comic i still think about regularly. its so fucking good and i literally recommend this comic all the time, god, its so cool and really interesting, and the art's fantastic

room of swords... ive been following this oen since before they even got off that first world. ive completely lost the plot and have no earthly clue whats happening at all anymore. im wildly behind on it. im having fun tho. also, nothing will top the high for me of reading this comic week to week for some time and thinking "this is fun if like, painfully 'straight gamer' vibe" and then revealing the protagonist is gay and having him/the main cast be saved by his partner

Suihira: the city of water is really neat! i like the god system and im interested to learn more about it. the art's also really fun

im also reading erma! its not really my thing, but i do check in on it from time to time

ive read Lackadaisy, and i liked it, but i was somewhat confused so i ended up dropping it. i keep thinking if i started from the top and reread it id probably like it again, but i havent gotten around to it. maybe this, again, can be my sign!

Arthwind i read for a while but i think i dropped it when it went on hiatus, bc id been a bit confused anyway prior to that, and when it came back from break i realized i couldnt really remember the plot. the art's super nice, though. maybe i should try it again

Everywhere and nowhere, Madame Outlaw, Lalin’s Curse, Lore Olympus, and Tower of God ive tried and found they werent for me, for various reasons and with various amounts of the comic read. of this i think i read the most of lore olympus, bc its so popular and i was trying to understand why, but its simply not for me

The Dummy’s Dummy. i keep reading it for a while, then dropping it, then picking it back up again. very tumultuous relationship with the dummy's dummy. i feel about the same for clinic of horrors but i pick it up and drop it more quickly

i havent read the little trashmaid but i wasnt particularly interested in it, tbh. i didnt really get the impression there was a lot of plot?

i dont know Outrage, i dont think. whats it about?

hiveworks:

i dont know any of these! admittedly, i have trouble keeping up with hiveworks/non-webtoon comics, since theres no easy app to access them, but it also means ive barely read any of them.

TL;DR

ive read all of these (with varying opinions on them) except Saphie: the one-eyed cat, Sithrath, UndeadED, The Masked Fable, Hominids, Outrage, the little trashmaid, and every one of the hiveworks comics you mentioned.

if you wanna tell me what any of these are about or give me a further sales pitch, go ahead! you can send me another ask or shoot me a message

#oink asks #loreleysiren #also hey! good to see you! #you dont know me BUT i also run everybrook so i have seen you in my notifs quite a bit across my two accounts #always fun to see a familiar face! #and even better to get to say hello!

[system-society]

okay i really don’t know who to ask? and i’m sorry if this is triggering in any way.

TW for dormancy, specifically a dormant host.

our host has gone dormant. i’ve noticed it coming considering he kept sleeping more and more, but no one can awake him now. in our headspace he’s rooted to his room in our home. our gatekeeper won’t awake him, saying it’s better if we go at least a week or two without him. he has lovers though. i don’t know what to do, or if i’m supposed to tell them. i was put into the role of a temporary type of host i guess? i’m still new i apologize if i say anything wrong.

but i guess what im tryna ask is, do i tell his partners? two are from systems, both are the hosts too. i’m just majorly confused. thank you for any help!

Hi there! From what I hear, he’s not permanently dormant, as your gatekeeper said to go “a week or two without him” I would thus say to his partners he needs a break from front for awhile and is sleeping. It happens, fronting all the time is exhausting and breaks are needed. Talk to your gatekeeper and the host if you get the chance because while dormancy can happen, it can be unfair to partners to just drop and end things.

Maybe try having him host not as much? This often happens to hosts that overfront, and taking them away from that can help ensure they don’t permanently go dormant.

Tl;dr, it sounds like its not a permanent thing from what your gatekeeper said, and I would urge them to hold up on that, but please don’t be too worried because hosts especially need breaks from fronting and I would work on ensuring he does get those breaks when he comes back.

#answering asks #herb’s advice

[inthediamondsky]

SHINee in the Good Place

What We Owe To Each Other:

This is for you, Jonghyun🌙✨

**TRIGGER WARNING**

note: I am not trying to tell any other shawols how to grieve. Trust me, I’ve gotten enough advice, both well-meaning and not, to know that it’s not helpful. I hope that all of you are able to grieve however you want, and that those you care about are there for you today. I wanted to write this because this very recently made blog has become my safe space to share my feelings about SHINee without the unsolicited input of a thousand twitteratti. Truth be told, I haven’t talked about this in three years. I don’t think I’ve ever really confronted my own grief. And I wanted to do that here. Yes, ITS LONG AND WORDY. I’m well aware that these posts aren’t exactly conducive to the short-attention-span era. My blog is nothing if not on-brand. But this one’s not really for everyone. This one’s for me.

Prologue: “It’s okay not to feel lucky sometimes.” - Jane Villanueva, Jane the Virgin

Nothing makes me more incensed than when people try to comfort me by saying, “think about how lucky you are.” Objectively, yes, in many ways and compared to many people, I am lucky. Certainly, I am lucky to exist, here, now, because how else would I have met the people that I am about to spend thousands of words writing about? But grief isn’t objective. It’s not supposed to make sense. Maybe the fact that it doesn’t make sense doesn’t make it any less real. Maybe that’s okay.

Chapter 1:

“Since nothing seems to make sense, when you find something or someone that does, it’s euphoria” - Janet, The Good Place

I know why I fell in love with SHINee. At least, I know how I found them. But what I’m not so sure about is why I stayed in love with them for over a decade. It’s a love that I can’t explain all that well. It’s not comparable to how I love my family or my friends or how I loved my significant others when we were in a relationship. It’s not all that similar to how I love my favorite sports teams, because those are entities more than individual people. Certainly, I admire SHINee. That’s a big part of it. I think they have accomplished a great many things. I have learned a lot from them. I enjoy their music and performances. But I can’t pretend that I love them because they are objectively the greatest; love, like grief, isn’t objective. All I can say is that loving them always made sense. Life rarely makes sense, and loving them did. So it was, as Janet says, euphoric.

I think the reason was that they always made sense TOGETHER. As a unit. As five. I always felt like they were born to perform together. Maybe that’s cheesy, but to me, it’s obvious. I don’t think that SHINee themselves would ever say that; they are a team strictly against self-mythologizing. Very practical and humble people, those five, and I love them for it. But even with their humility, their pride in their team sometimes leaks out around the edges. On the “SHINee’s Back” special, when Minho talked about remembering how SM announced their team one day: a sheet of paper titled “2007 Trainees to Prepare for Debut” with their names, 이진기 김종현 김기범 최민호 이태민, listed underneath. And on Minho’s episode of 청담-Key친, when Minho and Key talked about the fact that they remembered Lee Sooman’s voice telling them, “I’ve decided on your team name. Your name is SHINee,” like it was yesterday, that they couldn’t forget it if they tried. There’s a reverence in their voices when they talk about those moments. Like somehow, someway, it was meant to be.

I got to see the five of them on stage together once. SHINee World V. In Seoul. And I’ve never felt more strongly that musically, performance-wise, it all made so much sense. It was the one where Jinki hurt his ankle but insisted on coming back out to finish performing with the rest of them. It was heartbreaking in the moment, but it also made sense. It checked out with the fact that they are the ultimate professionals, who care so much and work so hard for the impeccable quality of their live performances. And it checked out because we all intuitively knew: SHINee is five. Like somehow, someway, it was meant to be. That was my dream. Maybe it’s unfair to project that on them, but it was. That the five of them, and my knowing the five of them and everyone else that I loved, it was all meant to be.

Chapter II:

“Time is cruel and indiscriminate and entirely uninterested in supporting our dreams.” - Joe Posnanski, on the career of Ken Griffey Jr.

Human beings live with the knowledge that we will die. As Eleanor says in The Good Place, that truth means that we’re all a little sad, all the time. But somehow, we’re also foolish enough to simultaneously believe that we always have more time. Especially, that we have more time with those that we love. But we don’t. It always runs out, a little too soon, when we’re not ready. We’re never ready. And it never makes sense.

I had moved to America by then. So it was the afternoon of the 17th when I found out. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Or so they say. I can speak to a couple of those: To this day, nothing makes me angrier than when YouTube recommends me videos from his funeral. Like I have a right to see it, or that those people had a right to film it. We don’t. None of us do. And sometimes I rewatch enough old variety shows and interviews and concert recordings that for a couple hours, even now, I think that he’s still here. I can still trick myself like that, even three years later. Oh, the magic of the internet: fueling anger and denial since its inception.

At my darkest, I allow myself to be depressed. Because it is all too cruel, too cold, too much. The fact that such a beautiful artist was taken from us too early. The fact that such a beautiful person was taken from us too early. The fact that this world was cruel enough that he decided to leave on his own.

I miss him. Of course I do. What I wouldn’t give to see him, here, happy, just one more time. Days like today, I pop in my SHINee World V DVD for the millionth time and cry, again. But I don’t like to grieve for myself. I don’t really feel like I deserve to. If I did, would I be grieving for him, or grieving for the idea of him? What he meant to me, or what it meant to have him mean something to me? I didn’t really know him. It’s okay for me to be sad. It’s okay for me to miss him. But is it okay for me to grieve? I ask myself this every day, because I think about him every day.

Undoubtedly, I am angry at the circumstances that led to his death, especially that my country, our country, still largely ignores mental health (dismissing it as fake or a sign of weakness) while promoting a workaholic, tough-it-out culture and thus suffers from one of the highest rates of suicide in the world. I love my country. That same workaholic culture has led us to excel at a great many things. But the mental health epidemic that has followed is one of our most glaring and tragic flaws, and one that we are still largely failing to address. I will never stop fighting for that to change. And I will never, never get over the fact that their last performances before he died, especially the final stops on their suddenly-ironically-named FIVE tour in Japan, were performed as four. How could life be so cruel? And preventably so. For that, I will never stop being angry.

But I do grieve, profoundly and truly, for those who loved him. Not as I do, for it would be terribly unfair to reduce him to that: an idea more than a person, an endless inspiration more than a living being with hopes and dreams and flaws and failings. No, I grieve for those who loved him in a close and real and visceral way. People who were close enough to not only watch him and listen to him to be happy, as I do, but were saddened by him and frustrated by him and annoyed by him too. That’s all a part of real love, as much as any of the happy bits. I grieve for them because, obviously, I have no idea what it is like to die. But I do know what it is like to lose somebody too soon to a death that is too cruel. Too sudden. Too nonsensical. Under those same preventable circumstances, in that same country.

There’s a story that many shawols know. A PD at some music show (I forget which one) posted it on their Instagram after Jonghyun’s death. Taemin was wrapping up his Day and Night promotions at the end of 2017, and the PD wrote that he would never forget the earnest look in Taemin’s eyes as he asked him to look after Jonghyun, since he was supposed to come back in early 2018. The earnest look in his eyes. Every time, that phrase: it feels like a punch in the gut. He asked so earnestly. How could it not have come true? I remember asking someone to look after my friend, to check up on her, a couple of days before she died. Earnestly. How could it not have come true?

“Irresolvable guilt,” they call it. Guilt that makes it impossible to let go. Guilt that never goes away. Guilt that is only amplified when everyone you see says that they’re sorry for you, when you can’t even forgive yourself. You’re still sorry for the words you didn’t say and the words you did, because there are never enough words afterwards to sum up how happy they made you or how much you loved them or how sorry you are for that one time you yelled at them about something that wasn’t their fault. There are never enough words, and they can’t hear you anyway, so you just cycle through the same ones again and again: 고맙다 미안하다 보고싶다 사랑한다 thank you I’m sorry I love you I miss you. There’s the guilt that you weren’t enough for them to tell you everything or that you were busy that night. Because what if you hadn’t been? Could you have saved them? And you feel guilty, more than anything, for the time you didn’t spend together. If only you had known that it was finite. The truth is, you did. But the problem is, humans always think that they have more time.

Chapter III:

- “Time means nothing. Jeremy Bearimy, baby. We’ll get through this, and then you and I can chill out in the dot of the “i” forever.” -“Right. We’ll be okay. We found each other before, hundreds of times. We can do it again.” - Eleanor and Chidi, The Good Place

2017 was shitty. I lost someone so present in my everyday life that every single thing I do, even now, reminds me of them. And so did SHINee. But I went through my loss and my grief privately. They weren’t given that opportunity. All the cameras, all the attention. It horrified me from the start. The way that a bunch of people who’d never cared about SHINee or Jonghyun when he was alive started to roll around in grief porn like pigs in mud. In the aftermath of a loss in my own life, to see it played out in the lives of more people that I cared about, and on a much bigger scale, was unbelievably triggering. I couldn’t watch. I couldn’t watch people ask them about their loss for the sole purpose of indulging their own curiosity. Like they’re supposed to have the words to explain why all of this happened? It disgusted me.

In a life where nothing ever made sense, especially after the death of my friend, SHINee always had. And then suddenly, it all turned upside down.

I couldn’t watch for two years after that. Not just all of the interviews. I never thought that I would ever not want to watch them perform, but I didn’t. I was scared to see the empty space where he used to be, to see four instead of five. It didn’t make sense. But more than anything, I couldn’t watch them grieve. It reminded me too much of myself.

So I, a shawol since 2009, missed their tenth anniversary. I missed TSOL and their enlistments. I missed Jinki’s Voice, Kibum’s Face, and Taemin’s Want promotions. It was only less a year ago, when all of the kpop world, other than my fellow shawols, had largely moved on, that I could come back to them. It had been two years since they lost their friend, and a couple more since I had lost my own. We’d been through a lot. It seemed like a good time to come back together.

In the meantime, I had watched The Good Place. I’ve been to a lot of therapy, but nothing came close to being as healing as watching that show. That moment, at the end of season three, when Eleanor has to let Chidi forget her and their love for each other, and she says that they’ve found each other hundreds of times, so they can do it again? I don’t believe in afterlife, but god, I’ve never wanted to believe more strongly. That there exists a place, a good place, where time means nothing and we can find the people that we love the most over and over and over again, no matter what. A place where everything makes sense. Where SHINee can be five, forever. Where I can be with the people I’ve lost, forever. I want that to be true.

Jonghyun, if it’s true, let me know? Friend, if it’s true, let me know? Is there such a good place? A place of warm winters and coming springs? Are you there?

When I came back to SHINee in 2020, it wasn’t the same. How could it be? It couldn’t be, and it shouldn’t be. But still, he was there. There is no doubt in my mind that he was there, with them, through everything that they did. I watched the interviews and the variety shows, but more than anything, the performances. Sometimes it looked like four and it hurt to see. But if I squinted, sometimes it looked like five, like it always was. It sounded like five, like it always was. Maybe it was meant to be. Maybe time means nothing. Maybe all of this, all of it, wasn’t a pipe dream. Maybe it makes sense. Maybe they can find each other over and over and over again.

Maybe my friend and I can too.

Chapter IV:

“I proposed a rule, that Chidis shouldn’t be allowed to leave, because it would make Eleanors sad. And I could do this forever... and I’d still never find the justification for getting you to stay, because it’s a selfish rule. I owe it to you to let you go.” - Eleanor, The Good Place

I remember how shocked I was to hear Kibum say in one of their tenth anniversary interviews (my rough translation), “If we had it really hard, I could make up a grand story about how we scratched and clawed to get to our tenth anniversary. But we didn’t. We just kept going, and now we’re here.” I remember thinking, “Well if YOU didn’t have it hard, who did?”

Partly, it was their humility. You know, acknowledging big company bias and all that jazz. But mostly, I think, they wanted everyone to know that this was not a story of struggle and redemption. Jonghyun was more than a storytelling device. He was more than a challenge for them to get over. They didn’t think of him as a supporting character in their own stories: he was the main one in his own. As always, SHINee taught me something that I had been too scared to learn. Wise souls, those five, and I love them for it.

Following the death of my friend, I wallowed into my own sadness and depression for years. I let my other relationships fall apart under that burden. But eventually, especially now as I watch back all of the things that SHINee has said through the last three years, I realized that a lot of that grief was selfish. That I wasn’t grieving for my friend, but that I was feeling sorry for myself. That I had to go through this. That I had to shoulder this loss. What did I do to deserve this pain? At some point, my grief stopped being about her, and it became about me. It was never supposed to be about me. She was more than what she meant to me. She was the main character in her own story.

It’s no comfort to hear it from others, but I know: I am lucky that this was how it was meant to be. As Winnie the Pooh says, how lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard?

I could wallow forever. She did, in the end, mean that much to me. I’m absolutely sure that they could wallow around forever too. Jonghyun meant that much to them, too. But I think we both came to the same realization, albeit under different timelines, that we owed them something. No matter how much it hurt, we owed it to them to let them go. Letting go isn’t the same thing as giving up on them or forgetting them. After all, they say that best friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget. Because we loved them that much. Even when we want forget, we can’t. Even when Chidi left Eleanor, their love never stopped existing. Like he said, when the wave returns to the ocean, it looks like it was never there. But the wave was just a different way for the water to be, for a little while. The water is still there. The water, our love for those we cherish the most, is always there. It was always meant to be.

So I thank The Good Place for comforting me and healing me when I was at my lowest. And I thank SHINee for inspiring me and allowing me to grow with them for over ten years, all through the tireless pandemonium that is life. You mean so much to me, more than I think I have succeeded in expressing here. And to Jonghyun, and my friend, what more is there to say? 고맙다. 미안하다. 보고싶다. 사랑한다. Thank you for everything. I’m sorry for everything. I miss you everyday. I love you, forever.

*standing on the road we walked together again, those five hands folded together, the tears, the memories... it’s all so clear, I don’t want to forget, I can never forget (Taemin’s lyrics from Our Page)

#I apologize for all the room this is taking up on your TL :/// #SHINee in the good place #mine #너무 보고싶다 너네들 #지금 만큼은 놓아 줄게 #다시 만나자 #다사 또 다시 #우린 그런 운명 #처음 부터 deja-boo #그 날을 기다리면서 #난 널 위해서라도 #이번 겨울도 따듯하게 보낼게 #날 기달려 줘! #ITDS