#First world problems I know and I'm trying to resist the pressure to have my life and house just organised and done quickly

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - Japan is Winning on Kisses & Other Alternate Realities

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

March 2024 Wk 4

Ongoing Series - Thai

Two Worlds (Thurs IQIYI) ep 3 of 10 - It would be great if we got the alternative romance with dead Kram from Tai’s perspective (JBL style.) Still I like this show. It’s a little bit like I Feel You Linger in the Air only with a love triangle. And while I'm not a fan of triangles as a general rule, I don’t mind it here because the set up is clever. Wayu and  ao are fun sides too. It sure is moving very quickly, which I like. I’m not entirely sure what’s going on. But that’s normal for me with this kind of Thai drama. 

Deep Night (Thurs iQiyi) ep 4 of 8 - They are extremely sappy boyfriends. I love that mom has a secret gf. Could we please have more of them? The love triangle sides are ridiculous, but I do like that it’s all out in the open. I also like they are actually addressing the complicated parental dynamics of owning a sex club. Honestly, I think Khem should have to be a host too. Learn him the right way, girl!

City of Stars (Fri iQIYI) ep 9 of 12 - It’s good, I like the fallout and them actually having to deal with crazy fans and past relationships. They’re so good at communicating it’s kind of a pleasure to watch them suffer through external pressures, because I have faith that they can make it through.

To Be Continued (Thai C3 Thailand grey) ep 6 of 8 - They are such cute puppy dads and so clearly meant to be together, the fact that they aren’t is just frustrating. The fight thing was stupid. And not a whole lot happened... plus singing. I’m getting fatigued with this one. 

1000 Years Old ep 7 of 12 - Did I miss something happening, or did nothing happen? 

Kiseki Chapter 2 (Sun iQIYI) ep 2 of 6 - It’s so boring, there’s so much guitar playing, and it got weirdly voyeuristic (in a very much not sexy way). I’m totally out. DNF

Close Friend Season 3: Soju Bomb! (Weds iQIYI) ep 3 of 6 - I can’t tell if this is trying to be a BL Romancing the Stone, or a BL Hangover, or both. The problem with situational comedy is it must be both situational and comedic, not just option one. The problem with calling something BL, is that it must be BL. This show got 1 of 3 claims correct. 33% is not a passing grade. DNF 

Honestly, it's the HANDS with these two. They do beautiful beautiful things with their hands. If you're one of those hands-obsessed BLabies you should be watching LIBTSTA!

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Unknown (Taiwan Tues Youku YouTube & Viki) ep 6 of 11 - So the worst finally happened. The mountain of pain has fallen down upon us. And now, hopefully in the second half things get better for our boys. But what a rough ride. Normally, this is not my style of BL, but everyone is doing such a gorgeous job with it, I can’t fault it… except that it hurts. The red thread symbolism was elegantly done. I’d like to hope we get a reunion in the next one, but knowing this style of series they’re gonna draw it out. There's gonna be a more pain first.

Love is Better the Second Time Around AKA Koi wo Suru nara Nidome ga Joto (Japan Weds Gaga) ep 4 of 6 - Those fuck me puppy dog eyes were perfectly executed. I would not have been able to resist either. Gosh they are so damn cute. This is a great show.

Jazz for Two (Korea Gaga/grey) eps 1-2 of 8 - This comes from the Shoulder to Cry On team so I'm scared, but this one is all actors* not idols so maybe they'll be braver. Boy howdy does it have a fantastic opening sequence. Also the lead is fucking adorable. Mr Broody McBroodypants is cute too. Korea sure loves “pretty but broken.” On the JBL end of the spectrum, is everyone in love with their siblings? That’s weird. The dining room scene was painful. All in all, it's good, I'm intrigued. Let's see how you go little show.

I stand absolutely corrected the lead is a member of NEWKIDD (in my defense I'd never heard of them until Build Up last month). I did recognize him from To My Star because at the time I thought he was too pretty to be only a side character.

AntiReset (Taiwan Fri Viki/Gaga) ep 10 fin - Again there was overuse of previous footage and maudlin navel-gazing grief over something we knew was going to happen. So I didn’t really feel much emotional connection to the drama. 7 year time gap.? t was a cute reunion but the moral quandary never really got resolved. I don’t know how to rate this, I’m not sure I will ever watch it again, so that is a big mark against it.

There’s nothing objectively wrong with this BL except how upsetting it is because of the foundational pygmalion story - grown man falls in love with an android who is basically both his slave and, by maturity level, a child. Yet that premise is crystal clear from the get go, so we watch it eyes open. The actors are cute, the romance sweet, the physical chemistry on point (of course, it’s Taiwan) and yet I was left ultimately unsettled by the concept, content, and plot. 7/10 

My Strawberry Film (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 7 of 8 - I'm so ready for this to be over, and for Gaga to have something good on. Soon please?

It's done, ready to binge, but I suck

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Gaga) 10 eps

It's airing but...

Graduation Countdown (Taiwan YouTube) - It's too much to ask me to keep up with 2 minute verticals, I don't have that kind of TikTok endurance training. Waiting to binge.

A Secretly Love (Thai Sat WeTV grey) 10 eps - I watched the first ep but grey is too much work for this inferior of a show. I may pick up and binge if it gets distribution but for now, it gets a DNF from me. KimCop might have held this crap together but Kim without Cop? No thank you.

Lady Boy Friends (Thai WeTV grey) 16 eps - reminds me a bit too much of Diary of Tootsies only high school. Not my thing. DNF unless it turns a corner and is truly amazing.

Tangential to the genre

There has been the occasional discussion on this topic here in this little corner of tumblr so I thought there might be a few intersted in this podcast: AmericanThaiGuy Ron Weaver on the Complicated Issue of Racism in Thailand (The Bangkok Podcast)

Thailand passed its Marriage Equality bill through the lower house. It's expected to pass the high house and get signed by the King, but that hasn't quite happened yet.

And MaxTul dropped a photo shoot.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Starting Soon

3/31 Only Boo! (Thai GMMTV YouTube) 12 eps - New main couple for GMMTV in an idol romance about a boy who dances good and a food stand vendor. Other side of the tracks grumpy/sunshine pair who fall deeply in love but, of course, baby boy idol can't date. Boyband but from GMMTV? Control your singing and I'm game.

3/31 The Next Prince (Thai ????) 12 eps - trailer. ZeeNew in a fantasy/historical set in a palace where Zee plays a knight and Nu a prince - YES PLEASE. (Apparently this is just the pilot, not the start of the actual show, see comments.)

4/1 Love is like a Cat (Korea ????) 12 eps - This completed filming Aug 2022(!) which means there have been serious problems with post-production. This is another of Silkwood's Korean+Thai colab projects. Mew Suppasit plays a rookie film star, called the Cat Prince (for his cold arrogance) who goes up against a charismatic puppyish animal daycare director (JM of JUST B). There is a side romance (love triangle?) with a veterinarian. Geonu of JUST B is also in the cast. Dual languages.

Hum, trash-watch-a-licious?

4/3 We Are (Thai GMMTV YouTube iQIYI) 12 eps - University ensemble BL featuring PondPhuwin, WinnySatang, AouBoom, MarcPawinPoon - basically the good kind of messy gay friendship group (so more My Engineer and less Only Friends). Looks a bit like the Kiss series but everyone is queer. I'm IN!

4/11 Living With Him AKA Kare no Iru Seikatsu (Japan ????) 10 eps - Kindly Ryota goes off to uni only to find his new roommate is his childhood bestie, Kazuhito. Kazuhito doesn’t have a girlfriend and Ryota tries to help him figure out why, they fall in love along the way. Same director as Old Fashion Cupcake.

4/11 Gray Shelter AKA Gray Currents (Korea ????) 4 eps - SooHyuk is only just surviving and reunites with YoonDae, an old friend. They end up living together. One of the leads is played by Choco of Choco Milk Shake.

4/18 At 25:00, in Alaska AKA 25 Ji, Akasaka de (Japan Gaga - may not be global) 10 eps - Yuki lands his first starring role in a BL drama alongside superstar Asami (previously his senior at uni). Said superstar suggests they form a sham relationship until filming concludes. As they actually begin to fall in love, the spotlight begins to burn.

Seriously? You're killing me with these titles, boys.

4/26 My Stand-In (Thai iQIYI) 12 eps - adaptation of Chinese novel "Professional Body Double" by Shui Qiang Cheng. Stars Up (Lovely Writer) and Poom (Bake Me Please) directed by the same team as KP (not a recommendation IMHO - my biggest criticism of that show was the clashing directing styles). This one looks well complicated, lemme try: Joe is a stuntman for famous actor Tong. Joe falls in love with Ming but Ming sees Joe as nothing more than a Tong-replacement. After learning this horrible truth, Joe dies. Joe then wakes up in the body of another man also named Joe. He manages to rebuild the same life as before—with the same people eventually re-meeting Ming. Ming wants Joe back but Joe doesn't understand why. But Ming seems to know what's going on and wants to give him some kind of explanation.

I'm exhausted just trying to describe the plot.

Knock-Knock Boys (Thai WeTV) - 4 college friends conspire to help their friend lose his virginity. Familiar faces like Seng (yes, Billy's previous partner) and Best, news here.

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

NOTE: It looks like one of my personal favorites of last year Unintentional Love Story is getting a spin off!

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENT

Just these two, in my head, rent free. Thanks Japan!

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are too much work.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @rocketturtle4

If ya wanna be tagged each week leave a comment and I will add you to the template. Easy peesy. (With so many tags when does a weekly tumblr post become a newsletter? That is this week's philosophical question...)

#this week in bl #bl updates #AntiReset review #AntiReset #Anti-Reset #Two Worlds the series #To Be Continued the series #Deep Night the series #City of Stars #Unknown the series #Jazz for Two #Love is Better the Second Time Around #Koi wo Suru nara Nidome ga Joto #1000 Years Old #bl series review #upcoming bl #bl news #bl reviews #BL gossip #Thai BL #Japanese BL #live action yoi #Taiwanese BL #Koren BL #BL updates #BL starting soon #BL coming soon

[neuroticbookworm]

*deep breath* FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

Alright, I'm gonna make my case for the Bad Buddy Rooftop Kiss. This is probably gonna be the most personal I've ever been on this hellsite.

Let's get this out of the way. I loved Kinnporsche. I honestly did (even though it might not look like it since this is the second time I'm passionately campaigning against the show). I loved it so much that I made my very busy best friend, @tonysteve25 who is planning their wedding, make up the time to talk to me so I can rant for two hours about the show (no need to judge me, I know y'all are equally crazy)

I'm gonna strip the plot to the basics and then build my argument, so if I end up reiterating a lot of themes that are already discussed, apologies in advance

Bad Buddy is, at its core, a Romeo and Juliet retelling. Set in a fairly conservative Asian country, and produced by a media industry whose brand of storytelling often involves an AU-esque setting where homophobia does not exist. We are shown time and again that Pat and Pran's friends and family do not have a problem with them being in a same-sex relationship.

So the conflict comes from the history their families have with each other. As a South Asian cinephile, I've watched this trope play out so many times with heterosexual couples that I'm sure it has unwittingly become a part of my brain chemistry. Oftentimes, the reasons why the families are feuding are so over the top that every shred of relatability gets thrown out the window.

In Bad Buddy's case, the reason is kept simple, albeit childish in the beginning. A business rivalry between the two families, and as a result, the boys are also pitted against each other. This simplicity gives way to a lot of levity in the beginning, but as the story progresses, the real strength of this narrative starts seeping through. This show is relatable. Almost too relatable.

The constant pressure to outperform the other in every way, be it academics, sports, or romance; the expectation on Pat to follow his dad's footsteps and match his achievements, even in a dumb singing competition; the guilt that permeates every moment of joy they feel in their relationship, because they are always aware that they are actively disappointing their parents; the quiet, painful realization in the later episodes that they will never be accepted into each other's families, no matter how hard they try; the revelation that the root of the conflict came from a scholarship stolen from a woman, to satisfy the expectations of a patriarch.

Every statement above is the reality of so many Asians living their lives right now. I personally know couples who have been cut off from their families for over 20 years because they don't approve of their love/marriage. I have peers who blindly follow the career path charted for them by their parents because it is easier than resisting and doing something they actually like. A lot of us are left feeling unmoored and struggling to define our self worth in the real world, after we leave academia, because that is all we are ever taught: your grades indicate how worthy you are.

Now, I know not a single word above argues why the kiss is the best, but I'm getting there. Stay with me now. Many people more talented than me have argued the specifics of the kiss, the reasons why it grabbed us by our throats the first time we saw it, and why we are still on that rooftop with them. The reasons submitted in the poll describe it so eloquently, beat by beat (edit: I found out that it was witten by @tiistirtipii, here). @respectthepetty begs us not to disappoint Pat again here, @lurkingshan dives deep into the character analysis and why the kiss is the perfect culmination of narration, pacing, and the characters' journey here, @waitmyturtles explores the importance of foreplay, the 'how did we get here' before the kiss, here.

What I want to draw attention to are two things. One: how this kiss was executed in such a way that all of their deeper struggles are woven into the microexpressions, so when you rewatch the show, all of the added context makes it so much more heartbreaking.

Let's be clear here, Pat and Pran did not get a happily ever after. They did not break all of the chains that were weighing them down. Pat went on to follow his father into the business (who also followed his father into it). They have to keep their relationship a secret, with no end in sight. Even in the end, the audience is shown only a hidden, reluctant acceptance from the parents, not an open love.

Pat and Pran's relationship will always be bittersweet. And the kiss shows it. The fact that the kiss was the very last shot to be filmed is no coincidence. The actors know how it ends, they have already performed it. They also know that the characters in this moment know it too. They have lived all their lives playing their families' games, they know that if they take this leap of faith, then they are willingly giving up so many little moments in life, even something so mundane as entering each other's house through the front door. And we can see it, see all of it clearly in Pran's face. Pran, who plans every detail of his life. Pran, who is also in love with his rival for who knows how long. And then we see it in Pat's face too, if only after a moment, because that's the way he is. Pat, who has looked at Pran all his life as a rival, a bandmate, a secret friend. Pat, who is the only one who can completely understand Pran, his anger and grief and devastation, because they only have each other in this wretched game. We see his face fall, and we see confusion cloud his happiness.

This kiss is the perfect summation of their relationship, shown at the very beginning of it. They can have desire, but be riddled with guilt. They can have happiness, but only in secrecy.

Two: how this kiss did more for Asian queer representation than we can ever comprehend.

I was not present in the Tumblr trenches with y'all when the show originally aired, but I've read many, many posts about how it broke the internet. Western media often fucks up queer characters because they don't write fully fleshed out characters who happen to also be queer. They place enormous emphasis on the character's queerness, and end up writing a stereotypical cardboard cutout in the shape of a queer person. Complex queer representation is hard to come by, add Asian into the mix and the pool gets laughably small.

In the episodes leading up to the kiss, we see the characters get fleshed out, their struggles explored, but they are also deeply rooted in the middle class Asianness of it all. I know it is ironic to say that other shows from Thailand are less Asian than this one, but the struggles of a queer mafia boss/rich businessman/heir to the corporate throne protagonists can sometimes be a tad out of touch for the general populace, and we can only feel so much nostalgia for our school days before we are tired of the saccharine sugar high.

When I saw this kiss for the first time, my eyes teared up, not because these gay characters are having a hard time, but because I could feel their pain, irrespective of my sexuality. I knew deep in my bones how a kiss can simultaneously feel like freedom and a lifelong trap. And I'm sure so many others felt it too. The kiss went viral because it was a perfect representation of so many struggles of Asians and the diaspora (and beyond), and it happened to be queer.

I don't know how the results will tally up when the clock runs out, but I hope we can chalk up a honest-to-goodness happy ending for them, if only in a silly Tumblr poll.

cc @bl-bracket, here ya go, a very long and rambling campaign propaganda

#bad buddy #bad buddy series #bad buddy the series #patpran #ohmnanon #ohm pawat #nanon korapat #aof noppharnach #bl bracket #bl bracket for best kiss

[miguelsfangservice]

BEYOND THE SPOTLIGHT

Pairing: Miguel O'hara x F!Famous Idol Reader

Warnings: Negative and positive stereotypes about the industry (idk, probably later in the story), and not the best english lol (sorry in advance). Summary: It doesn't matter he's at HQ trying to keep the multiverse afloat, your face, your voice, your smile and laugh follows him everywhere. No, he is not loosing it (yet); it's just that its kind of inevitable when most spiders under his command are... how did Gwen called it? Ah-staning you? Well, he can't really complain, it's his girlfriend,after all.

“The first time you hear it it may seem shallow, but I’m telling you,bro,when you pay close attention  it’s one of the best pieces of art depicting the oppression of individuals for expressing their sexuality, y’know what i mean.”

An awkward silence settled in the room before Pavitr and Miles let out some nervous chuckles.

“I thought it was a love story” Miguel's ears hurt just by hearing Pavitr retort with his mouth full of god knows what..

“...I’ve listened to it a couple of times and I have to agree with Pav.”

Before Hobie could open his mouth to reaffirm his earlier claim, Miguel slammed his fists on his desk.

“Do I need to remind all of you we are trying to have a serious discussion here?”

Silence. For at least a few seconds before Pavitr can’t resist anymore and turns to Hobie once more.

“What part of the song are you referring to, because I think-”

“It’s specially obvious at 1:30 when she sings-”

“Get out- If you’re not taking this problem seriously,OUT”

“ But I'm…” Miles tries to argue back, but at this point and with how exhausted Miguel is, he just doesn’t care about whatever they have to say.

“THE THREE OF YOU, GET OUT OF MY SIGHT”

While leaving his office, Hobie and Pavitr still have the absolute audacity to continue their discussion in hushed voices (mostly Pavitr, Hobie does not care if Miguel hears him”; Miles doesn’t speak again but Miguel can see him trying to hide his amusement.

If Miguel had eaten anything, if he had gotten enough sleep or, most importantly, if he had seen you at least once today, he miiiiiiiight’ve been in a better mood to confirm that yes, Hobie was right, it was kind of your intention to convey those themes in your last single.

He would know, he was there giving you feedback  and taking care of you when you put your heart and soul into writing that song.

Also, even if he had the mood to discuss it with those kids, he wouldn’t try his luck and let them get suspicious enough for them to put everything together and figure out he’s been dating you for over a year now.

Miguel wouldn’t hear the end of it if any of the spiders knew about their huge and scary boss dating the “pop divinity”, the “fan´s delight”. Besides, it would get a lot harder for you to sneak into the HQ to spend some time together after your rehearsals or just when about every spider went home.

Although, he couldn't deny he was getting tired of keeping the relationship a secret; he hated hiding to every person he deemed close to him the fact that he wanted to spend the rest of his miserable (and probably very short) life with you.

But he knew you were not quite ready yet. Not until you were able to live with the fact that yes, your boyfriend is Spiderman, and he’s not only putting his life and sanity at risk in your universe, but also putting an unimaginable burden on his shoulders by trying to keep several other universes safe.

You already had a lot on your plate with the sudden burst of fame and all the work you were putting into creating your first solo album.

Sometimes, Miguel kinda wished you were still doing activities with your girl group, it put a lot less pressure on you and your health. But he felt guilty just for thinking about it.

This was your dream, having your own solo activities, showing the world your songs and what you were capable of. And he was so proud of you, so happy to see your face light up after you finished writing a song or when you learned a difficult choreography. 

Miguel O’hara had the heart of steel to do a lot of harsh things, to take the decisions no one else wanted to take for the sake of hundreds of universes and yet, he couldn’t bring himself to see your sad face if he ever questioned what you were doing to achieve your dreams.

“Lyla, I'll be calling it a night. Got to get home.”

Just when he was about to exit, she appeared right in front of him with a huge magnifying glass in which he could see her eye getting bigger, examining him; Miguel grunted and tried to brush her off as if she was a bug

“This early? Who are you and what did you do with my boss? I’m gonna put the emergency lockdown if you don’t answer me right now-”

“I’m trying to recall at what point of your creation I made you this damn noisy.” he hissed, walking faster and then swinging away from her. “Besides, no te hagas tonta (don't act dumb), you know damn well where I’m going and with who.”

“And I appreciate the trust you put in me by telling me your secret–” she started saying, solemnly.

“We both know I didn’t have much of a choice.”

“But, as your best friend and the one who knows you best–”

“Firstly, I don’t have a best friend and secondly, the one who knows me best is Y/N, not you!” Miguel interrupted and pointed a finger at her, trying to poke her, but his complaints were ignored as Lyla continued with her ramblings.

“I think I have enough authority in your life to give you some well needed love advice” Miguel couldn’t help but snort at the ‘authority’ affirmation.

At this point he decided to completely ignore her voice and focus on getting to your shared home; it had been a long day and all he wanted to do was bury his face in your shoulder and try to sleep with his girl by his side.

❃❃❃❃

A/N: Well, this is my first fanfic for the fandom. If you liked this, please, consider following, leaving a comment, like or reblog, I would really really appreciate it, specially cuz I'm not sure if anyone would like to read more about this.

#miguel o'hara #miguel o'hara fanfiction #atsv miguel #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara x y/n #spiderman atsv #spiderverse #spiderman 2099

[kosherdragondev]

Okay, so first things first, since we're mutuals but haven't actually talked at all: Hi Dev, I'm Dande, you seem cool, nice to meet you!

And now, second things second: Since you reblogged that post about being okay with random asks, I can't resist. Are you comfortable sharing more about the story of how you met your husband?

(No pressure at all; if it's too personal a question, please feel free to decline/disregard this ask. I am just so intrigued as to how in the world Reddit stalking becomes marriage 😂)

Hi! Nice to meet you too!

It started in 2021. I was spending too much time on Reddit instead of studying for class. The sub I frequented most was r/judaism, and I started to recognize the usernames of frequent posters. Sometimes I'd look through their profiles if I was curious.

In February, I became a little hyperfixated with one Redditor. His hashkafa seemed similar to mine, and his posts revealed a fascinating personal history: his years in the army, work in abortion access, religious journey, and activism. I didn't know his name, so I called him the antifa cowboy. When I got into arguments with my parents, I'd tell them I was going to marry the guy from Reddit and move to Texas.

At the time, I was a lurker. I didn't have a Reddit account. When I realized I was genuinely interested in him, I decided that I had two options.

I could make an account and message him to express my interest

I could spend hours looking through his nine years of posting history trying to find clues that would help me find his identity. Then I could get a shadchan to set us up.

I chose option 2 and neglected my studies horribly. I'd spend hours a day searching through his post history looking for clues and searching the websites of graduate programs in history trying to identify which student was him.

Once I found out which school he was in (it was his flair on a local subreddit), I checked the facebook page of their history program. I knew he passed his oral exams and became a doctoral candidate in the fall, so I scrolled through the page to see the congratulations for students. I found a post that matched the date of his reddit comment about it, and it was congratulating two students for passing their oral exams. One was a woman, and the other one was antifa cowboy. But now I had a name!

I looked at his profile on the department website, and his was the only one to mention Jewish topics in research. So I had confirmation.

(I'm aware of how unhinged and concerning this sounds)

I remember that exact date. It was March 23, 2021. I was flying to Florida for Pesach that day. There's a WhatsApp message on my phone of me telling my friend about my stalkery achievement and being extremely excited.

The next morning, I told my aunt that I found out Texas Reddit Guy's name, and that I saw on his Facebook that he was Obi Wan for Purim one year and the eleventh Doctor for another, and that I saw on his IG that he cooked a lot and made homemade pasta from scratch.

My aunt told my mother (without my permission), who of course immediately started imagining him as her future son-in-law.

Meanwhile, I realized I had a problem. What I had done was weird and kind of creepy and off putting. If I ever started a relationship with antifa cowboy, I couldn't lie about my reddit stalking. All my family and friends knew about it because I talk too much. So I couldn't lie, and the truth was very off putting.

I didn't have the option of doing nothing and trying to move on from the crush because I knew from past experience that I could hyperfixate for years on a person who didn't know I existed and waste so much time in limbo without making any progress with dating. When I'm fixated, I can't even consider other options. It doesn't work.

The whole dilemma of what I was going to do about the situation kept my frozen for about a month and a half.

This is getting very long, so I'm gonna have to do a part two.

[oraclekleo]

I'm being anonymous here hope you don't mind . But I want to vent . Hope it's okay for you ?? Soo for past years I'm avoiding being less sentimental about the way my parents body shame me . But for the last couple of months it's like I'm on edge . I can't anymore .... The moment they start this topic my head instantly start to hurt and I get a lump in my throat then I went back to my room and cry in front of mirror. Silently so they can't hear me . I just stare at my reflection like a statue . Numb . All red and teary eyes. I'm always not like this . I love to pamper myself . Do skincare and put on my fav makeup and style my hairs however I like . I feel good GOOD !! And also I stare in front of a mirror and pose , with just my undergarments and it makes me feel sexy and gorgeous . Then I blast my fav Playlist and dance like there's no tomorrow. I feel alive and lovely . But God knows why it triggers me so much when my parents body shame me that too infront of others and then I fall into this loophole of self hatred . I DON'T WANT TO. I DON'T WANT TO FEEL DEPRESSED AND SAD . But alas it's just happens . The weird thing is that they themselves don't realize they are hurting me . If I tried talking them they thought I'm seeking their attention and it's literally my job to be slim and trim . Also why they bring my favs food item and feed me then next day bodyshame me . It'd weird . It almost feels like a cycle. And I don't fucking wanna repeat it .

So so sorry if it feels uncomfortable or drains your energy while reading this because rn my energy is low and my head hurts so much . Have a nice day ahead .....

Hello!

First of all, no vents can ever disturb my energy. So be assured you are causing no trouble whatsoever for me.

Now!

Parents do have this disgusting habit of ruining their children - through body shaming, inflicting guilt, emotional blackmail and many more. And I know what I'm talking about. Been there done that. My mom was a fantastic person. I learned so much from her and I admired her. But she had no idea how much pain she put me through. And I never told her.

Your parents don't realize how hurtful their words and actions can be for a child, a person who is still sort of figuring their own identity out, seeking some comfort in their own skin. And unless you undergo some family therapy, they will probably never know. Because you have to pass exams and test ride to get a stupid driving license but any idiot can give birth to a child. No offense. But I would seriously make people who actually want to raise a kid study for it.

Anyway! There's no easy solution. Sorry if you are not seeking for one but my core nature is a problem fixer.

You could sit down and talk to your parents as rationally as possible. Parents often think you are seeking attention when you get emotional talking to them but when you stay logical and calm, it usually has a better efect. Just like you told me. Sit with them, ask them why they buy the food they know you can't resist, why can't they just stop buying it. Try to stick to the facts.

Obviously, this is a sensitive topic so maybe for various reasons you can't do the above. Sometimes it helps to remind yourself that since the day your mother brought you to this world, your parents' influence on you is gradually decreasing and one day in future you will wake up completely independent on them. Their opinions won't matter. This painful chapter of your life will come to it's end one day and new, more free and beautiful chapter when you will be able to be yourself without feeling any kind of pressure or guilt will begin.

And I can guarantee that. It took a very long time but at one point, my mom's opinions on my body or fashion or likes and dislikes, stopped to matter for me. At one point I realized that my life and my body are mine and mine only and she has no right to tell what to do with them. She can make suggestions, sure (and some were pretty nasty), but I'm not obliged to obey.

Don't let your parents being miserable at their parenting job ruin your life. You are better than that. Stronger than that. More beautiful than that. Whenever you start feeling bad about what they say, just remind yourself that their opinions are their opinions but they don't have to matter for you. They don't you inside out. They never did. You know who you are, who you want to be. They only see a little fraction of your whole beautiful self and they can't even appreciate it. Why should you care and hurt over words somebody like that says?

Parents are often connected to us through blood but that's so little! They often don't know us, the true us. They are basically like strangers. And would you care what some weird stranger say about you? You wouldn't, of course because strangers have no real impact on your life.

I'm not sure if I'm making real sense here but hopefully you can find bits and pieces of useful information in this. 😊

So yeah! I don't mind vents. I'm like a teflon pan - other people's emotions slide off of me and I can stay impartial and rational about their issues. And don't feel stressed by their problems. 😊

I hope you can feel better soon. And even a bit better tomorrow and the day after that. Remember that this period of your life is not forever. You will feel good in your body. And people will love you for who you are. Our bodies grow old and decay eventually. It's our personality that leaves a print in other people's memory and heart. 😊

So! Aspire to be a good person and comfortable yourself, not to make your parents happy. Especially when they clearly are not so good themselves. And you will never make them happy, by the way. No matter how hard you try, they will always find something to shame. It's a waste of time. Invest your energy into making yourself happy. The results there are guaranteed. 😁

Okay! I think this is long enough.

Feel free to talk to me anytime.

Kleo 🦄

#oracle kleo #talk to me

[dogmomwrites]

Get to Know Me tag

Thanks so much to @blind-the-winds for the tag! I'm thrilled you wanna get to know me better, but I'm afraid I'm a bit boring lmao

Rules: answer the questions and tag nine people you want to know better

Favorite Color: purple and black; favorite color combo is purple, black, and silver or gray

Currently Reading: The Killing Joke, by Christa Faust and Gary Phillips. Usually I finish books the day/night I start them, but this one was hyped up by a friend who didn't mention how bland the writing is, at least in the beginning. It's just not very engaging to me. I'm sure the story itself is great tho, as that's what was hyped

Last Song: Pray for Water by Borealis. The first single for their upcoming album. If you like progressive metal, you should definitely check it out! (their second single, Ashes Turn to Rain, is also really really good!)

Last Series: Last series finished was Obi-Wan, current series is season 2 of The Mandalorian cuz yes, I was far enough behind that I hadn’t seen either. “I have spoken” is now a household phrase lol

Last Movie: Dragonball Super: Super Hero twice in theaters when it first came out. I saw some people complaining about it when it was released, but I had no complaints about it aside from the art style (they butchered Whis’ coloring! 😫). I love Piccolo and Gohan, so to me, it was great to see them get the spotlight!

Sweet/Savory/Spicy: I am not immune to sugar…I am, in fact, incapable of resisting it. I used to love spicy stuff, but after a couple trips to the ER for a stomach ulcer, I’ve taken to more or less avoiding anything spicy. I do miss cayenne tho 😔

Currently Working On: My two mains—Castle series and an unnamed WIP that really really needs a name—and a side project I started recently, called What Lies in the Shadows. (I finally made descriptions for them!)

Castle in the Ice—When an avalanche causes Aero to accidentally break into an ancient castle buried under ice, he has no idea what he might find. He certainly doesn’t expect to find himself caught up in a war. Wolvins, like massive wolves, are attacking the castle. Led by their esteemed captain, a team sets out to a cursed labyrinth of caves in nearby mountains to try and find the cause of the attacks. It may be their only chance to save Telenar, the castle in the ice.

Unnamed WIP—Marine First Lieutenant Riley Jacques returns home from deployment with the hopes of resting and spending time with his family. That would be a lot easier if his brother Jimmy wasn’t such a problem. On the other side of the world, Marine Sergeant Aaron Mark Johnson is sent on a blackout mission and has to figure out why the higher-ups chose to send him specifically

What Lies in the Shadows—Patrick's wife believes he has a normal job. But he doesn't work in an office, he works in the shadows, protecting humans from the things that go bump in the night. What he and his allies aren’t aware of is that while some alliances are being made, others are being broken

Tagging uhhhh, gosh I’m still so new to the community I wanna know more about everyone lmao @penspiration-writing, @houndsofcorduff, @marinesocks, @andromedatalksaboutstuff, @bardic-tales, @ghost-town-story, @witherednightmare, @365runesofwriting, and @space-cadead

No pressure for this, as idk how often any of you get tagged for this!

#writer #writers #writing #writeblr #writblr #writerblr #writers of tumblr #writers on tumblr #tumblr writers #creative writing #writer community #writing community #tag game #tag games #get to know me #get to know me tag

[alexvonstar724]

monday, april 7th, 2008

so how about;;

i put my trust in a lot of people;

but somehow..

my heart gets torn up again.

by the people i thought i trusted?

life just doesn't make sense sometimes.

it's complicated; but i'll try to explain best i can..

when i was little, really little..

i was lied to about my own mom.

this ruined EVERYthing at home.

so dad would play victim and say he had

nothing to do with it..

maybe he didn't, but what about the lies?

name calling?

false accusations?

blaming of terrible things that didin't even happen?

see: my mom has always been there for me..

and it will always stay that way.

and my dad, well he "wanted" to be there for me,

but he never made an effort.

every single show or play i invited him to,

he wasn't there..

i remember forgetting my lines in a school play

because i was too busy searching for my daddy;

the man who i thought loved me.

so recently, i've been resisting him because he thinks

he deserves my time after 13 years of not being there....

so this puts a lot of pressure on me.

i'm the one that has to tell the judge what i want.

it's up to me.

i tell the judge, "i want to see my dad, but i am NOT

going down to florida without my mom."

my mom is my central support for everything..

if i have a problem, she's the first person i run to.

the first person i think about when i make decisions..

should i go behind her back?

or should i just tell her i have detention?

i NEVER keep things from people i love..

and i love my mommy more than anything.

i would take a bullet for her,

i would tell the world to "FUCK OFF"

if they were on her back.

i would be the one taking care of her

when she's 99 and can't even talk.

i would do ANYthing for her...

even give up my dad.

since he's the one that caused all my pain and tears.

since he's the one that made me completely hate my mom.

since he's the one that turned me against my own family...

now i'm strong and i can see the things he's done to me..

i can stand up for the truth no matter who it's in front of.

i can do anything because i know i can.

so if there was one thing that i could thank him for...

it would be my strength.....

he made me realize how good life really is

by seeing how bad it really can be.

so, thanx mom....for all your support.

and when i wanted to run away, thanx for taking me back home.

and when i said i didn't want to live with you,

thanx for bringing me back home.

and when i wanted to talk...

thank you for listening.

thank you for giving birth to me because i really enjoy my life.

#mywritings

[smallrainclouds]

It's not easy having yourself a good time

we're on a double-date with other people... why are we kissing? you're not my date

Credit for prompt to

Hypnos x reader (modern!College!au)

Word count: 2.7

Warning: some dating violence on OC's side. Wrist grabbing, slurs and controlling behavior.

Summary: this was the worst date of your life. Thankfully it's also Hypnos' worst date ever.

A/N: here have this fic. I had yandere! Hypnos I was working on but it's giving me issues (it was supposed be under 1k but it keeps growing).

Also, I am open to requests but will rejected any I don't feel comfortable doing.

No beta.

Thank and I hope you enjoy.

💤☁️💤

You regret everything.

You stared at the plate of food you didn't order, some sad little salad that somehow smelled greasy.

Why did you let yourself get talked into a group date? You know why, you thought your friend was going to try to set up with your lab partner, Hypnos.

You looked at the bubbles in your sparkling water, another thing you didn't order and wondered if the person you were with would ever stop talking.

You glanced up at the group at the table. Across from you with his own date next to him, was Hypnos who was frowning at your date.

At least you had one sane classmate with you. Hypnos had been your lab partner since the first day in senior year and honestly you had thought at first your friend was setting you up with Hypnos. If you had known it was with someone else, you would have bail.

Charlie was a nice person you told yourself and your friends thought they would be great for you. Charlie was just… maybe they didn't know you don't order people's food for them.

"Look what I'm saying, Hypnos, is that maybe that YouTuber guy shouldn't be called out as much. Not his fault people can't take jokes anymore." Your date, Charlie, said loudly across the table to Hypnos who just raised a brow.

You rolled your eyes, You weren't going to let your friends pick a date for you ever again.

"Alright buddy. Whatever you say." Hypnos shrugged.

Hypnos' date and fellow classmate leaned across Hypnos, her breasts pressed against his arm. You looked away, poking at your food. You certainly were not jealous, you told yourself.

"Come on, guys. Let's talk about something else." she whined. The other two couples that came along echoed their agreement.

Hypnos grimaced and sat up taller, making the girl sit up as well. You felt kinda bad for both you and Hypnos. Clearly neither one of you guys were getting on with your dates.

You looked toward your friend, hoping she would notice how poorly everything was going. You rolled your eyes when she was clearly lost in her own world, feeding her partner french fries.

Too bad your date wasn't with Hypnos. You thought he was actually cute back when You first saw him, if not a little odd looking with white curls and heavy lidded eyes. Now, you couldn't imagine a more handsome person.

You found your eyes kept going back to him throughout dinner. Especially when he pushed his hoodie sleeves up, showing off his forearms.

The table moved on to some marvel movie or something but you were drifting in and out. You kept checking your watch in hopes that you could end the night soon without being rude.

You could feel someone was watching you and you looked up to Hypnos' golden eyes looking at you. He glanced at the group, back at you and rolled his eyes. You smiled in agreement but quickly covered it up with your hand.

Hypnos pointed toward your plate with the uneaten food, eyebrows rised in a questioning way.

You tilted your head toward your date who was loudly having another argument over some tv show with one of the guys there.

Hypnos looked at your date for a second before he sneaked you his untouched plate of pancakes.

You mouthed, 'Are you sure?' and he nodded, pointing at a plate of mostly eaten omelet.

You mouthed a quick thank you and dug in. You were half though the plate of pancakes when your date noticed.

"Wait, where did you get the pancakes?" Charlie asked, "You know how fattening all that carbs and sugar are? I like my dates to be healthy."

"What?" You asked flatly. Did you really hear what you just did? Hypnos and his date were both staring at Charlie. Hypnos looked furious and You saw the girl send you a pitying look.

"Oh. come on, you know I don't mean it like that."

You suddenly lost any appetite you had and pushed the plate of food away. You looked toward your friend who remained blissfully unaware of your pain.

Your date swung an arm on your shoulders, you sighed annoyed at the causal possiveness. You only knew them for like two hours but they were already acting like you were going steady.

"Ready to hit the club, Y/N?" Your date asked.

You almost groaned, you had forgotten about the stupid club.

"Uh, sure. Yeah." You tried to wiggle your date's arm off but no dice. You thought you saw Hypnos send a disapproving look at your date but you weren't sure. No point getting your hopes up.

As you exited the diner, Hypnos tripped; knocking into your date and their arms off your shoulders.

Grateful for the excuse, you took a few steps out of their reach.

"Oops, my bad." Hypnos smiled widely, and gave a shoulder pat to your date who glared at him. "Just watch it alright?" Your date snapped as they made it to the carpool.

In the car, you peeked at Hypnos who just winked at you. You didn't hide your smile this time.

The club did nothing to improve your date or your mood. The loud bassy music was almost too loud to hear anyone and your date kept trying to get you to stay on the dance floor.

You were able to duck out of their hold and pointed to the table. They tried to tell you something but You didn't stick around.

You almost fell into the booth, your feet were throbbing and you just wanted to go home. You could just see your homework growing by the hour.

"Need water?" Hypnos asked. You looked up, "Oh I didn't know you were at the table. Yes please."

He handed you an icy cold bottle and you moaned at how good it tasted. He laughed and you blushed, feeling foolish.

"Sorry, thank you." You took a slip, without moaning this time thankfully.

Hypnos went back to his phone, fingers moving quickly. "No problem."

"Where is… um what was her name?" You asked, trying not to look at Hypnos too much. How dare he look this good in the club' dim lighting.

"Oh I forgot her name. But she is doing fine. Told me she was going home with her ex." He pointed to the dance floor where the girl was dancing against another guy, their mouths glued together.

You looked back at him, but he already was back to texting on his phone. He didn't seem upset at all.

"I'm sorry, Hypnos." You said awkwardly, not sure of what to make of this whole night.

"Don't be. I'm not." He shrugged. You couldn't help but notice how nicely the red hoodie fit him.

"I will admit though I don't think I will be trusting our friend's matchmaking skills after tonight." Hypnos looked at you, his amused smile made you smile in return.

"You and I both." You murmured your agreement.

You finished off your drink, eyeing him.

After a few more minutes, your willpower broke.

"Okay I gotta know. It has been months since I met you and it is bugging the crap out of me." You leaned forward to him.

He looked up from his phone, a white eyebrow raised.

"Is Hypnos your real name?" You asked him, not quite able to look away from him. You were being a silly school girl and you knew it.

He laughed, "Yeah, it is." He moved closer, his eyes bright. "Wanna know why?"

At your nod, he spoke. "When my mom was pregnant with me and my brother. She got kinda crunchy, got into healing crystals and tarot cards, stuff like that."

Hypnos waved a hand. "So when she couldn't pick names for us, she went to a psychic, who told her that she was a reincarnation of the goddess Nyx. And apparently she was pregnant again with the reincarnated gods of sleep and death."

You couldn't help the small laugh and Hypnos chuckled as he took a sip of his beer.

"Mom believed the guy." He pointed to himself, " So ta-da I got named Hypnos. And my brother is Thanatos."

"Your mom sounds like a fun lady." You played with your hair, enjoying the warmth in your stomach. You couldn't remember the last time someone made you feel such things.

"Oh definitely. I never know what I'm going to get when I see her." Hypnos said fondly.

When You shifted your seat, your leg brushed against his. You almost pulled away but Hypnos pressed his leg against yours. You could feel the heat of his body and it just made you want more.

His golden eyes searched yours, silently asking if he could do this. You returned the gentle pressure and flushed at his soft smile.

"How does your brother handle the whole Thanos name thing?" You asked, desperately trying to calm your racing heart.

A devious glint lit Hypnos' eyes, "Oh he hates it so much. He already hated the whole super hero thing. Last year for his birthday, I got him a cardboard cutout of the big guy. I thought he was going to shove it down my throat. I got his boyfriend Zagreus and their girlfriend Meg in on it this year, we going to -"

"Hey Y/N. Are you coming back to the floor?" Charlie's eyes narrowed, "Hypnos, I think your actual date is looking for you."

You pulled away, you had forgotten about Charlie and you couldn't help but feel some guilt, even if you didn't like them that much or at all.

Hypnos stayed in place, amusement on his face. You saw Charlie's fists clenched and knew they were about to start a fight and stood up.

You were definitely going to block Charlie's number after tonight was over.

"Come on, let's get some drinks for everyone. They should be coming back soon." You motioned for Charlie to follow you. They glared at Hypnos before following you.

You couldn't resist a quick glance back to Hypnos, who raised his beer at you in a 'cheers' motion.

💤☁️💤

Charlie was sullen and quiet as you ordered more drinks for the group. You couldn't blame them really, anyone would be put out when their dates are clearly having a better time with someone else.

Well, not Hypnos but Hypnos wasn't exactly normal, you thought fondly.

You tapped the bar, guilt gnawed at your guts as your thoughts went back to Hypnos.

"So what were you guys talking about?" Charlie slurred, his tone icy.

You took a breath, just a few more hours you reminded yourself. "Nothing much. Just about his brothers and stuff."

Charlie crowded into your space. You can smell the booze and sweat on them.

"You guys seemed like you were sitting pretty close considering you were talking about 'brothers'." They did a finger quote.

You rolled your eyes, unable to stand being near them any longer. You stepped away to head back to let your friends you were bailing for the night.

"Tell me what he said to you." Charlie demanded as they grabbed your wrist harshly.

"Ow, let go of me! You are hurting me, Charlie." You hissed, trying not to draw any attention.

"Tell me." They hisses back.

"I did. Buy your own drink, I'm going home." You tried to yank your hand away but they didn't let go.

"Look I've been nothing but nice to you and you're cuddling up to another guy on our date like some slut." They changed their tone, trying to sound more upset than controlling but it just made your stomach twisted in disgust.

You opened your mouth to defend yourself but after a moment you shut it, "You're right. Clearly this isn't going to work out so let me go."

"No, you own me something, Y/N." Charlie leaned toward you. "And I'm not leaving empty handed."

"Fuck off." You snapped, fear rising in your chest.

"Hey, man." Hypnos grabbed Charlie's wrist and squeezed tightly enough that they were forced to let go of your wrist. His normal light-hearted tone was hard. "I think Y/N had enough of your company tonight."

You took some steps back, shaking a little. Without looking at you, Hypnos asked. "Y/N, do you need to go get anything?"

"N-no. I have everything. I want to leave." You hated how weak you sounded and you wished that you never came out at all.

Hypnos held on to Charlie's wrist and yanked them toward him. You heard Hypnos murmur something to them.

Fear flashed over Charlie's face and they stumbled backward. "Fine. Whatever asshole."

Hypnos turned to you, his eyes darkened by his anger. "Come on, I can get you a ride home."

You just nodded, feeling very exhausted and close to tears.

💤☁️💤

The cold wind felt like heaven after the heat of the overflowing club. At least for the first two minutes.

You just walked, not quite sure where to go. Hypnos walked next to you, easily keeping up with your pace.

Neither one of you said anything as you tried to process the horrible night.

After walking for ten more minutes, Hypnos spoke up. "There is a park nearby, we should be able to find a park bench."

You just nodded, Hypnos offered an arm and after a moment you took it. You pressed your cheek against his shoulder, soaking in his body heat.

The park was empty, lit by warm path lights.

"Thank you." You said. "You didn't have to do anything for me."

"It's all good. How about the wrist?" Hypnos asked softly.

"It doesn't hurt. Thank you since you stepped in." You patted his forearm.

Hypnos sighed, "No. Not thanks to me actually. Its kinda my fault, I've been pushing their buttons for most of the night."

You looked up at Hypnos, your brow furrowed. "What? No, they have been pretty rude since the start of the date. I mean, you heard the salad thing. They ordered it for me!"

Hypnos shook his head. His breath coming out in white puffs. "Yeah and because I was jealous, I made a bad date into a nightmare. I knew I was making them feel all threatened, it wasn't hard honestly. I didn't think they would grab you like that. I just thought they would be a bad date you could laugh about later."

It took you a moment to process his words. You stopped on the park path, staring off at the lake.

"You were jealous?" You asked, not quite believing what you were hearing.

"Very." Hypnos chuckled bitterly.

"Hypnos, you are an idiot." You said blankly.

He opened his mouth to say something but you pulled him down by his collar to kiss him.

At first, Hypnos doesn't return your kiss and you pull away, an apology already on your lips.

But he cupped your face and met you again in a sweet, slow kiss. He kept pulling away to press chaste kisses against your lips and cheeks.

"Damnit, I was planning on asking out you after our last class assignment. I had a plan for everything. I was going to take you to your favorite coffee shop and buy you that dumb drink you like. Take you the park by our dorms and ask you by the duck pond." Hypnos said between kisses and pressing one last long kiss against your lips.

You hummed, unable to think straight. "Our friend ruined that, huh." You laughed when you could feel him growled against your lips. "You have no idea, I had a speech and everything."

After another long and soft kiss, both of you pulled away only to met again in a forehead press. Your white puffs of breath mingled together and your heart felt so full.

"You could still do the coffee and the speech. And the ducks." You whispered.

"Yeah?" Hypnos asked softly, his thumb caressed your cheek.

"I have to do a lab with a very cute classmate tomorrow but I'm free after that." You flushed, pleased at the fond smile Hypnos had.

"That's funny, so am I." Hypnos replied.

Unable to hold off any longer, you pulled him into another kiss, one of the many yet to come.

#hypnos x reader #hades hypnos #fanfic #hope you enjoy #Spotify

[adelheidvonschicksal]

Hi, I saw that you were a geographer. I was wondering what that entails? Are you someone who works with GIS, do you teach...? I'm not super familiar with the field but it sounds super cool and want to know more. Sorry if that's too personal.

It’s fine! A lot of people don’t know there’s actually a lot of stuff you can do with it or if they take a class in high school they just learn capitols or something.

Most of my work currently includes GIS. I’m working in health/medical geography for my local health department currently, so I mostly track COVID-19 and other community diseases at this time, which includes making coverage maps for the city to show density of COVID-19 and hotspots so we can target certain areas for vaccinations or testings and to monitor high risk communities like schools and nursing homes and socially vulnerable areas. Then, I just help out wherever we need or do my own projects. I’m actually helping our field guys get upgraded into the digital world instead of paper lol. I have a lot of spare time right now though so I just usually practice language books, coding, or try to write since I automated a lot of my work and work from home.

My prior job was in gas utilities almost as soon as I graduated. I don’t know if you ever seen construction workers or inspectors carry around ipads while on your property but usually they’re looking at digital maps that’ll show where pipes and gaslines are on your property or surrounding area and the different information about the pipes like cast-iron vs plastic or the pressure of the gas going through. So, my job was to digitize the maps they drew in the field into a database for them to see in the future. However, I was working in Mississippi at the time because they were backed up about 10 years in data, and a lot of the time I had to read hand drawn maps all the way from the 1920’s-1940’s to redraw the districts and retire old piping so that was…painful lol but it was kind of neat to see all the old drawings from that long ago. Most of them were actually really good.

My first real job though was in college working at an insurance/infrastructure company that builds weather resistant housing and making maps and powerpoints for them to use at conferences about their services and to help write grants. And to determine damage to the areas where they had a lot of houses built up after hurricanes.

Edit: I also had a job for about 3 days with a national defense agency for the army to clean up maps and airplane zones. Absolutely hated it. Broke down, cried an hour, and quit LOL. The deadline system was very stressful and I worked remotely so internet issues and the system was gross.

Other than that, I made money tutoring and teaching my sophomore-junior year in college, and I helped teach at camps for elementary kids with Americorp. I was really popular with the little boys because I knew what fortnite was, became the favorite teacher in one day. 😂 They were really adorable.

I really enjoyed geography though and since it’s a STEM field it was mostly guys but the class itself was about 150 students in the first two years then 20 majors last two years so you get to really know everyone. The diversity level in my class was pretty decent too though, because I know in fields like that some people might worry about being the only girl or only minority etc. but I didn’t have any problems ☺️ The only thing I hated was when we went kayaking on a field trip and i didn’t know how to steer so i almost got hit by a small boat LOL but I had leaned all the way back so I didn’t get hit. So if I’m ever in a horror movie at least I can trust my reflexes.

I’m not a really woodsy type of girl though so I usually do GIS or satellite imagery, but there are a lot of different parts to geography if you do like talking to people or working outside.

Human, which is what I’d fall under because I do community things. So medical, cultural issues would be in this category.

Technical, which is GIS and working with satellite imagery, which you don’t have to be a geographer. You can actually get a certificate in this in 1-2 years. We actually learn a lot the first two years with public administration students and meteorologists so we had a few of those students also get a certificate in GIS. So if you want to be a meteorologists, it’d help to take some geography classes too because we share a lot of classes the first year or two. And we had several army students as well. You can also work in emergency agencies, like for 911 because the EMS uses a GIS system. I met a guy in Florida who does this as well as drone surveillance.

Physical, so this would be like the people that like to study mountains and plates or the terrain of specific regions.

Environmental, so your park rangers, biologists, etc. your Discovery Channel and Animal planet guys. National geographic type guys. Also, disaster management and FEMA type jobs.

I’ve had teachers that tracked diseases in south america, plotted coffee growing land in south america and travel on donkey over mountains and stuff like that to do it (this was one of my older teacher so this was decades ago), and I also had a teacher that worked with wineries and breweries about how and where to grow their products based on climate as well as did sports statistics for soccer teams for where to line up their players for their best shots. I think he said he did that for a German team. So, there is Sports Geography and agriculture to a degree if you like Sports.

You can become an urban planner, which are the people that help build and plot out areas for construction for the government, which I think is what I want to do but I don’t really want to go back to school to master in it. 😭 or you can become a travel guide or teacher. I’m thinking of being a teacher so I can get summers off to travel.

But I think geography can be applied to a lot of things since humans are always interacting with each other and the earth so even just knowing the basics can probably help answer the why in a lot of things. So the job is really really flexible but a downside is that a lot of government jobs run on contracts and grants so you might end up bouncing from job to job every few years if your contract runs out unless you work for a utilities or construction company but working for a utility company means you’ll be doing the same task everyday which is looking at the drawing the inspectors do in the field then putting them in the digital system, but I usually have no problem finding another job to go to as a lot of contract agencies will message you first especially on linkedin. However, the agencies also get a portion of your paycheck. So like if you get an offer for $23, the agency will take $5, so you’ll end up making $18 an hour. And there are some specialties that are hard to get into so I won’t say it’s easy to find exactly what you want but it does give you a lot of options if you get creative with your skillset. Overall though, I think a class in human geography helps a lot with critical thinking skills since where I live most people have to take extra science classes anyway.

If you go to ESRI website, they have a few free classes, seminars, and data you can play with if anyone is ever interested.

#adelchat #geo 🌎 #so if u see me being nerdy in my fics #it’s because i am #😘 thanks for asking

[starktonyx]

Let me show you I’m sorry - Peter Parker x reader (smut)

Word count: 3.2k

Request: Peter Parker imagine with some angst and smut? You can put some fluff if you want to. I don't have any specific idea. I totally trust you.

Description: After a heavy and painful fight with Peter, he tries to make it up to you with some reconciliation sex.

Note: I believe I went a little bit hard on the angst part but I really hope it´s what you wanted. I’m just going to say half of this is pain and the other half is filth, so enjoy this rollercoaster of feelings! 

Masterlist 

Things weren't the same anymore.

Peter was not the same anymore.

Ever since Tony Stark's funeral he had acted distant and cold, ignoring the world around him. You supposed it was normal, he had just lost another father figure and he just needed time to mourn.

Except, it wasn't at all how you thought it would be.

You expected to see him fragile and breaking down, because that's how most people mourn, but not him. You were scared when you saw no hint of sadness in him, just anger.

He was irritated all the time, talking back to May, not caring about school or his friends, not even talking to you, his girlfriend, even after you both came back from being vanished for five years.

All he seemed to care about nowadays was his damn spiderman patrol.

You tried to be supportive at first, everyone did, you knew how important being spiderman was for Peter, and you knew it was his way of disconnecting from his problems. But weeks went by and Peter kept ditching everyone for the patrol, getting home late and bruised, barely sleeping afterwards.

He stopped visiting your room after his patrols and rarely texted you back anymore. The days he went to school he avoided everyone, including you. You really tried to be there for him, but he always found an excuse to cancel your dates.

And it hurt like a motherfucker.

Because all you could do was watch how Peter slipped from your hands, how his love for you seemed to vanish more everyday.

You were loosing him.

So you had enough of putting up with his abnormal behavior, and prepared yourself to confront him about it. You went to his place at night, May had warmly welcomed you with a hug, and you could see the pain in her eyes caused by his nephew's actions.

You patiently waited in his room, sitting in his bed as hours went by. Your eyes focused on a trail of polaroids on Peter's wall, and you remembered all of the photos as if they were taken yesterday, yet the happy memories seemed painfully distant now.

Tears threatened to fall as you admired every single photo, they happened a long time ago yet you could still see Peter's love for you in them, and you wished you could feel it again.

Before you broke down you tried to distract yourself with something else in the room, and your eyes landed on his school backpack. It was thrown on the floor, totally untouched as you knew Peter had been ditching his homework lately. You sighed deeply when a noise startled you, and you saw Peter carefully crawling through his window without noticing you in the room.

2:34 am, and Peter was just getting back from his patrol.

"Hi" You whispered standing up, yet it was enough to alarm the boy's senses, and you saw his mask's eyes getting wide when he realized you were there.

"H-hey what ... what are you doing here?" He asked as he silently landed on the floor and took off his mask.

His messy curls almost distracting you, but you were still able to see his nervousness, as he fiddled his mask in his hands and awkwardly shifted his weight from one foot to another. It didn't take a genius to know he didn't want you there.

Like I said, it hurt like a motherfucker.

"I wanted to know if you were okay" You nervously started, taking a deep breaths. "I just ... I think you've been way too focused on your spiderman duties"

He just shrugged his shoulders and rolled his eyes.

"You never had a problem with it before" His indifferent voice hit you harder than you expected, and in that moment you lost all nervousness.

Now you were just angry.

"Because you didn't act like an idiot before Peter! you didn't ignore my texts and calls like you do now, you didn't avoid me as if I had the fucking plague. This is not how a relationship works" You painfully ranted, hoping to get a reaction from him, but he just sighed deeply and ran a hand through his hair.

"I've just been busy with my patrol Y/N, you know that's important for me" He protested harshly and you bitterly huffed in response.

"And I'm not? I hate to be that girl but are you so blind to see how much this is hurting me? You barely acknowledge me anymore Peter and you don't even seem to give a damn about it!" You barked, pointing a finger accusingly at him.

"Y/N you don't understand this is not about you! I'm literally saving lives out there, I need you t–"

"No, you don't understand I need you!" You finally spat interrupting him, your voice threatening to break. "Two months ago half of the world was gone. We were gone. For five fucking years Peter"

"I understand tha–"

"No you don't" You interrupted him once again, shaking your head. "You don't understand how lucky we are to have a second chance, to be back here. How dare you throw that opportunity away acting like this?" Your voice was harsh, as you choked the lump in your throat.

"Yeah? At what cost did we get that chance Y/N?" He angrily questioned with a bright red face, not controlling his loud voice. "Because he sacrificed himself for this"

You knew all of this had to do with him.

"No, he didn't sacrifice himself for this. He saved the world for you to move forward with your life and be happy. He did it for you Peter and you pay him like this? Obsessing over your stupid patrol and ignoring the people who care the most about you? For god's sake, May is worried about you, Pepper has called in to check in, even Happy is concerned! Tony wouldn't have wanted this" You desperately cried, your brittle voice softening in the last sentence.

Your begging voice didn't seem to phase him, as he turned his back on you, resting his hands on the windowsill as he inhaled sharply.

"Don't you ever say his name again" Peter grunted, clenching tightly his jaw.

His dark voice scared you, he never spoke so hostile towards you. This is when you couldn't contain the tears anymore.

"Then I don't know what else to say to you" You mumbled choking a sob, hugging yourself with your arms. "I can't keep doing this Peter I ... I can't"

Peter's breath hitched when he heard your silent cries. He knew this was the part where he turned around and apologized, but his mind was so clouded by the anger that he just continued looking through the window, his knuckles turning white from how tight he was gripping the windowsill.

And then he said something he knew he would regret later.

"Then leave" The words left his mouth so bluntly that even he was surprised by the lack of emotion in them.

The next thing he heard was a loud sob you couldn't keep to yourself, as you hurriedly scurried out of his room. The windowsill couldn't resist his strength anymore, breaking under the pressure of his hands.

"Peter why ... why did you do that?" May disappointingly asked standing on the door, she had heard all the loud argument and saw you leave crying.

Peter just half turned his body to close the door  on her face with a web, and put back his mask on, ready to get out on the streets again and forget about everything.

•

He made a mistake. A terrible mistake.

Peter repeated himself as he paced back and forth on your apartment building's roof, after he realized how big of an asshole he was with you and he needed to apologize immediately. Three days had passed since he stupidly let go one the most important people in his life.

It took him three days to finally snap out of his mourning act, his mind just processing how he had fucked up with everyone around him.

Especially with you.

He mentally cursed himself, as he took the courage to finally swing outside of your window, standing nervously on the emergency stairs. Your window was closed and covered by your curtains and Peter gulped harshly, you always had them open for him.

Well not anymore.

He noticed the dim light coming from the inside, signaling you were still awake. He took off his mask before softly knocking on the glass, breathing deeply when he heard your footsteps moving across the room.

You were paralyzed on your feet when you opened the curtains to find Peter outside your window, not that you expected anyone else knocking at it really, but you still didn't expect him.

After what he did.

Peter's breath hitched when he saw your face, pale but at the same time red from what appeared to be hours of crying. Peter mentally slapped himself, how could he allow himself to hurt you this bad?

He also noticed you were wearing only one of his shirts as a pajama, and almost smiled at it, it had to mean you didn't totally hate him. He watched you hesitantly open the window, the cold air of the night hitting your puffy face.

"What are you doing here" Your voice came out harsher than you thought and Peter was lightly taken aback by it.

But let's be honest, you both knew he deserved it.

"I ... I–I'm ..." Peter shut himself as he struggled to find the right words, suddenly realizing he didn't exactly have a plan of action for his apology. "Can ... can I come in?"

You stared at him in disbelief for a few seconds, his bloodshot eyes begging you to let him in. You inhaled sharply, moving to the side to let him in the room.

"Alright what now" You bluntly said, stranding in front of him with your arms crossed and hitting your foot repeatedly on the ground.

Peter tried to ignore your defensive position, he ran a hand through his messy curls to try to ease his anxiety, and decided it was best to just go straight to the point.

"I'm sorry" He blurted out, looking straight into your eyes.

You could see his eyes glistening in regret, you breathed deeply breaking the eye contact and looking to the floor, you were not going to give in so easily.

"Sorry about what" You insisted, you needed to hear if he finally realized how much he hurt everyone.

Peter shifted his weight on his feet, scratching the back of his neck.

"About everything" He started, sighing. "I'm sorry for acting like an asshole I just– I was so angry after Tony died because I should've done better, I couldn't stop thinking about it and I couldn't focus on anything else" He said, his brittle voice announcing he would start crying in any moment.

You suddenly forgot about your anger and left your stance, walking towards the breaking boy and cupping his cheeks on your hands.

"Peter you know his death wasn't your fault" You softly said. "You can't blame yourself for what happened"

Peter just gently rested his forehead on yours, closing his eyes.

"But I can blame myself for acting the way I did" The boy mumbled. "I pushed everyone away, I even made May cry Y/n! and I made you cry, I've never done that before what is wrong with me?" Peter cried and you could only embrace him in your arms, hugging him tightly.

"Shh it's okay now Peter, we cried because we care about you. We just wanted to help you" You consoled the boy, softly caressing the back of his head to calm him down.

"I'm so sorry Y/n, please forgive me" His begging voice made a few tears fall from your eyes from seeing him so hurt.

"I do, I forgive you Pete" You breathed deeply.

You stood there holding your embrace for a few minutes, having missed each other's arms. When you finally separated, it only lasted a few seconds before Peter eagerly attacked your lips. You immediately corresponded, melting into the kiss. It was salty, from the tears falling from your eyes. You felt him grab your waist, and you cupped his cheeks again.

The desperate kiss was heating up quickly, when Peter slipped his hands under your shirt, suddenly his suit becoming a barrier between his fingers and your body. He stepped away from the kiss for a second to press the spider symbol in the middle of his suit, loosening the fabric from his body and watching it fall to the ground. You took this as his chance to undress too, quickly lifting your shirt to take it off.

Peter bit his bottom lip when he noticed you weren't wearing a bra under the shirt, your panties were the only thing covering your body. This time he collided his warm body against yours, feeling your hard nipples on his chest and began kissing your neck. You let out silent whimpers as you ran your hands through his torso, yelping when he suddenly lifted you in the air. He climbed your bed, laying you gently in it hovering over your body and placing himself between your legs. "Peter–"

"Shh baby, let me show you how sorry I am" He mumbled hushing you, as he returned his mouth to your neck, sucking on your sensitive skin to give you some lovely marks. "Let me remind you how much I love you"

He began trailing the kisses down your chest, until he reached your boobs and began lightly nibbling on your hard nipples. You couldn't help gently tucking his hair, arching your back to give him a deeper access to your chest.

"Fuck Peter ... I–l missed you" You confessed, your quivering voice under his touch just boosted his ego.

"I missed my sweet girl too ..." He huskily said lowering his kisses to your abdomen, slowly getting to your wet core. "... and the way you taste Y/n"

He put his cold fingers over the fabric of your panties, hurriedly taking them off your body to finally have you laying naked in front of him.

"Oh baby" You finally slipped a pet name out of your lips, throwing your head back when his mouth vigorously attacked your pussy.

"Baby girl you always taste so good" He praised as his tongue worked magic on your clit, sending shivers through your whole body.

He lifted one of his free hands to massage your boobs as his face buried in your throbbing pussy, sucking hard on your sensible clit. You tangled your legs around his head, as they started to shake from the pleasure building up.

"Don't stop baby boy, please" You squirmed under him, he could only smirk between your folds.

He then used his other hand to shove two fingers on your pussy, making you gasp in pleasure when he began thrusting them in and out quickly.

"Fuck fuck fuck" You could only curse between moans, absolutely loving the feeling of Peter's tongue in your clit and his long fingers pumping inside you.

You started feeling the pleasure build up in your whole body, and you could only push Peter's head deeper between your thighs. He fastened the pace of his fingers, knowing you were close to getting off.

He was loving the way you moaned and squirmed under his touch.

And you were enjoying way too much the sounds Peter's lips made on your wet pussy, that it was enough to send you over the edge.

"Baby I'm ... I'm comin– oh" you couldn't finish your sentence as your orgasm ripped harshly through your body with a loud moan escaping your mouth.

Peter's mouth left your pussy with a 'pop', after proudly sucking on your juices when you orgasmed. You tried to recover your breath, as you felt him take out his fingers out of you and you immediately grabbed his hand to suck on his wet fingers.

"Damn babygirl, you're so beautiful when you come" He lowly said, feeling hypnotized as you kept the eye contact while cleaning his fingers.

You left his fingers to push his head closer to yours, his body straddling yours as you desperately kissed him.

"I need you" You begged into his lips, feeling his hard member still covered by his boxers, hard over your stomach. "Please fuck me Peter" You said one last time, playing with the hem of his boxers.

Peter smirked and separated from you to take his briefs off, sending them flying through the room. He took your arms and placed them over your head, holding them still with one hand as he lined up his twitching cock with your entrance with the other.

"Umm yes baby" You loudly moaned when he slammed into you, squeezing your eyes shut when he stretched your walls just right.

"Fuck, how I love your tight pussy" Peter grunted as he began picking up a pace, enjoying the view of your lovely tits starting to bounce with every thrust.

In this moment you both forgot about your your problems, enjoying the feeling of each other. The room was soon filled with your moans and Peter's groans, the sound of your skin clashing together joining the headboard banging on the wall.

You were so grateful your parents were out on an event tonight.

Peter let go of the grip on your arms still above your head, and with one hand grabbed tightly your waist, putting the other on the headboard to help him thrust into you. You took this as your chance to roam your hands through his chiseled torso, never getting tired of the feeling of his hard abs under your touch.

"Right there Pete– fuck keep going" You panted, throwing your head back when he began hitting your spot, already feeling the way your body asked for a release.

"You look so stunning when I fuck you" Peter whispered. "You feel so good Y/n" He continued praising as shivers went down his spine every time your walls squeezed around his dick.

Peter's words managed to send you over the edge, you arched your back when you came harder this time, your whole body shaking with Peter still slamming into you. He smirked when he felt you orgasm under him, his thrusts becoming sloppier when he felt his orgasm run through his body.

"Fuck Y/n baby" He grunted pushing his dick a few more times into you, until his cum completely filled you up.

You bit your lip feeling the warm liquid inside you, loving the way you felt it slowly fall from your sore pussy. Peter enjoyed the stunning view for a moment, until he finally laid down next to you.

The room smelled like sex now, your heavy chests going up and down with harsh breaths were the only sounds as you recovered from your highs.

"I'm sorry" Peter apologized once again after a few minutes of silence. You just sighed, moving your body closer to him to lay on his chest.

"I know" You mumbled as he gently caressed your hair. "Just promise me you'll talk to me next time, no matter what it is I'll be there okay"

"Fuck, I love you so much"

#peter parker #peter parker smut #peter parker x reader #peter parker imagine #peter parker angst #peter parker fic #spiderman imagine #spiderman x reader #peter parker x you #request #marvel fic #marvel smut #marvel angst #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #tom holland smut #tom holland #tom holland fic #marvel #marvel masterlist #thor smut #marvel x reader

[gabriel4sam]

I just saw your post asking for prompts, so if you're interested: Obi-Wan/Cody, nr 15 Getting together at Palpatine's funeral. I have never seen that idea before, so I'm very curious! Stay safe and healthy, and thank you!

CodyWan getting together under the cut!

Obi-Wan’s teeth were gritting so hard it was a miracle they weren’t falling down under such pressure. The cowl of his Jedi’s cape hide enough of his face than most people would only see what he wanted them too: a Jedi Master, solemn and grave, as they buried the Chancellor of the Republic. A Jedi Master as many other, a pillar of strength hidden in brown and beige, someone who carried the orders of the Senate, someone who protected, someone who was a vessel more than a person.

Cody, standing next to him, as every Commander stood next to their General, knew better. He could see the movements of his jaw, the flex of his brow. He could feel the tension, the anger…

In all the years of the war they had shared, he had never seen Obi-Wan so angry. He had seen Obi-Wan after the mother of all battles, he had seen Obi-Wan hurt almost to death, he had seen him choking on his grief, he had seen him drunk and sad and joyful, he had seen him playful and wise, he had seen bored and he had seen him peaceful. Nevertheless he had never understood the depth of the anger which could sweep that gentle soul until the moment the two of them had entered the Chancellor’s office and found three dead Jedi Masters and an Anakin on the verge of falling who had just cut one of Master Windu’s hand.

Until Obi-Wan had seen a Sith Lord trying to make his Padawan, his child, Fall.

Almost one week after, that anger had not abated.

Cody was honestly a little surprised by how much Angry a Jedi Master could go without getting all murderous and yellow-eyed. Master Windu had explained to him at length the difference between Righteous Anger and Murderous Rage and Cody had honestly lost his footing in the discourse much sooner than he would like to confess. It probably hadn’t helped that Master Windu had been on so, so much medication at the time and insisted to cite obscure Jedi philosophe dead for centuries every two sentences.

Anakin and Obi-Wan had still not spoken to each other and Anakin was the only adult Jedi on Coruscant not present to the funeral, with Master Windu still in bed rest.

Officially, it was because of the injuries the two of them were supposed to have received in defending, unsuccessfully, the Chancellor from the Sith Lord. Unofficially Master Windu was effectively drugged to his gills, but Anakin was hiding into Senator Amidala’s apartment to be sure he wouldn’t see Obi-Wan.

The former Master Padawan pair had yelled at each other a few times via holocommunication and the only results Cody had observed was Obi-Wan’s blood pressure skyrocketing. Not that he needed it: everything seemed to put Obi-Wan in a terrible mood since Palpatine’s death, and Cody had started to play interference to be sure his Jedi wouldn’t burn all his bridges.

And now, here they were. Standing at the burial, pretending very hard the dead Chancellor hadn’t been an enemy of all life, all in the name of politics. It had been decided the truth would only worsen the situation, including the coming-soon peace talks. Obi-Wan hadn’t liked one bit to be forced to pretend like that. For the man who had tried to take his child! Master Gallia and Obi-Wan had had the Jedi equivalent of a row, all polite words, subtle metaphors and gleaming smiles, and Cody, who hadn’t left the side of Obi-Wan since Sidious’ death, would have sworn it had been more vicious than some battles against Grievious. In fact, Obi-Wan had been vicious all week, not only with Anakin and Master Gallia and Cody, if he hadn’t adored the man so much, would have throttled him a half-dozen times. It felt like Obi-Wan was bracing himself for something even more terrible and all his energy went to that bracing, leaving nothing to act like a civilized being.

“Oh, I can’t take it anymore,” Obi-Wan finally admitted at the beginning of the fourth speech, some Selkath ambassador whose name Cody didn’t take the time to remember, “let’s go find a drink or I will do something stupid.”

“Everybody will see if we leave,” Cody remarked sotto voce and Obi-Wan grunted something rude and turned on his heels.

Cody followed, because he wasn’t sure Obi-Wan wouldn’t try to burn down the Senate in this state of mind. And sadly, today Cody was his adult supervision. Not that he sometimes didn’t have the urge himself, but it would derail the plans for clones’ rights that Senator Organa was pushing at the Senate.

They ended in a cantina in some area of Coruscant the Commander didn’t know. A careful examination of the décor persuaded Cody it sometimes doubled as a brothel but he wasn’t a prude. Also, the brandy was good and reasonably priced and the dim lights and out of the way table afforded them some privacy.

“You weren’t forced to follow me,” Obi-Wan said to him at the end of the second drink, “I’m pretty sure I’m not your General anymore.”

“My General isn’t in the habits to drink instead of doing his job,” Cody bit back, “so, yeah, I’m aware.” And he wasn’t even sorry when he saw Obi-Wan’s grimace.

“I asked Knight Bant,” Cody started, “and she talked to me about some retreat…”

“Are you…is this an intervention?”

“Are you gonna get angrier and impossible to control if I say yes?”

Obi-Wan gesticulated for a third drink.

“Enough,” Cody ordered, exasperated and Obi-Wan’s eyes went round. Cody had sometimes pleaded, quipped and sidestepped orders, but it was the first time he used this tone with his General. He leaned down on the Jedi across the small table:

“If you act like a brat, I’m not above putting you on my knees for a good spanking,” he hissed, at the end of his rope, “Yes, your almost son was manipulated, but it doesn’t give you the right to act like you’re the only one hurt. We will go at the meditation retreat recommended by Knight Bant, you’ll meditate or centre yourself or whatever you need, and I will listen to boring to death Jedi poets, and then we’ll come back and built a better world, including healthy communications with Anakin Skywalker.”

Obi-Wan’s mouth opened a few times, like a fish on dry soil.

“You’ll come with me?” He said finally and Cody had a sudden flash of understanding.

“You big lummox!” He exclaimed, his voice rasping, forgetting in an explosion all about his usual calm and control, “How can you be so smart and so… Have you been a pain in the ass all week because you thought I would abandon you? And you didn’t think to ask?”

Obi-Wan immediately went beet red and Cody’s heart filled with exasperated fondness. Jedi and feelings….He regretted Qui-Gon Jinn wasn’t alive for a discussion: he was sure half of Obi-Wan’s problems with expressing healthy feelings were his faults. He took Obi-Wan’s hand across the table.

“A feral Sith Lord couldn’t take me from you,” he reminded him. Obi-Wan had a small, grateful smile. Cody put a kiss across his knuckles and Obi-Wan went even redder, something which had seemed impossible.

“You’ll come with me?” He asked again.

“I will come with you,” Cody confirmed, “to the end of the world or beyond. Even a week of Jedi’s meditations couldn’t scare me away.” And for the first time in a week, he saw Obi-Wan’ smile, so he couldn’t resist adding:

“And when we are back, I’m taking you on a date.”

The smile turned flirtatious, something like a spark, which had been absent for days, lightening in the blue eyes.

“There you are, Negotiator,” Cody smiled in turn.

#codywan #obi wan kenobi #commander cody #star wars #my fics

[panharmonium]

I'm curious if you have any headcanon/any fic plans or just ideas about how Hunith learnt Will knew about Merlin's magic. Sorry if you already talked about it and has slipped out of my attention!

Oh my gosh, any message that asks me about Will or Hunith or Ealdor in any fashion makes me so happy; thank you!  

I'll avoid drawing up an outline for an exact scenario, only because I am always writing more fic about Merlin’s pre-Camelot life and if I end up deciding to actually do this in a fic I’ll be mad at myself for already typing it all out in meta XD  I will, however, talk about some general thoughts, because I do have solid opinions about certain aspects of this whole thing (all my own, obviously; folks are free to imagine this in different ways - these are just my own personal inferences from the canon we’re given).

Putting this under a cut because it got long - you always write me such detailed notes that I wanted to be thorough! <3

So!  Here are some of my thoughts about how Hunith learnt that Will knew about Merlin’s magic.

i. it was not careless.  

In my opinion, Will and Merlin, by the age where we meet them in canon, are not out there goofing around with Merlin’s magic in risky ways.  It doesn’t make sense for Merlin, who is old enough to understand the dangers to his own life and who is also desperately committed to making sure his mother never finds out that Will is in the know (because Merlin knows it won’t go well), and it definitely doesn’t make sense for Will, who, despite his fanon reputation for mischief, is...not actually shown to be like that in canon.

I talked before in my big meta dump about Will that I very much do not read the “he’s always been a troublemaker” line to be indicative of the “pranks and shenanigans” theme that I tend to see in a lot of fic.  The “troublemaker” line, in context, is not referring to Will causing mischief; it’s about Will’s inability to shut his mouth and stop stirring the pot, in the sense of him yelling about stuff that nobody else wants to think about; it’s about him not being able to put his head down and go with the flow.  It’s immediately followed by the line “they’re used to ignoring him,” and what we’re being told here is that Will is the cousin who can’t stop himself from getting political at the holiday dinner table even when the rest of the family is begging him to let them have one single meal in peace.  He cannot let things go, and the rest of his neighbors are completely sick of it (see: Hunith’s ZERO patience with Will when he challenges Arthur in front of the community).

Canon Will, in contrast to some fanon interpretations, is actually a very intense, guarded person?  He’s suspicious and pragmatic and risk-averse.  And I just think it’s important to remember that Will, in his current situation, does not have a lot of time to be messing around.  He was orphaned and left to run a whole homestead as a child.  That’s like...he’s doing the work of an entire family.  Life in Ealdor already leaves little room to slack off, and Will is completely overburdened - somebody in his situation would be desperately busy, almost all of the time, and always on the verge of a potential disaster, if he fell behind on anything.  

So I just don’t read him as someone who is out doing silly things with Merlin in a way that got them discovered by Hunith.  Like - Merlin isn’t careless enough to be goofing off in his own house, for example, and Will isn’t a character who’s daring Merlin to do foolish things for the fun of it.  Merlin is comfortable using his magic around Will, definitely, and we know he’s had at least one mishap in the past (the tree), but at this point in their lives, I don’t see either of them as frivolous or clueless enough to use magic in a way that could get them caught by anyone, or for the purpose of risky/trivial games.

ii. merlin was the one who let it slip

I personally think the lead-up to Hunith discovering Will’s involvement was preceded by two things:

an increase in external stressors (related to the political situation between Camelot and Cenred’s kingdom), making Merlin’s position in Ealdor progressively more precarious/dangerous

Merlin becoming increasingly frustrated, rebellious, and unwilling to hide himself the way his mother wanted him to

The first point is something that I've incorporated into fic, so I think @blueclaw7 is already familiar with it :)  But essentially, when I was collecting info on Ealdor and Cenred's kingdom prior to a previous fic-writing endeavour, there were a few things that led me to wonder just what sort of trouble was brewing in that corner of the world, prior to Merlin's departure:

We know that Cenred makes agreements with slave traders, allowing them to work certain areas of his land without interference (see: Cenred's discussion with Morgause about Jarl in 3.12 - “He's been working our western border for months...We have an understanding.”)  Cenred likely would not allow this unless it benefited him in some way, so I think we can safely assume that he is receiving some sort of kickback from allowing slavers to operate in his kingdom, either in the form of financial compensation or perhaps by having people like Jarl on-call in case Cenred himself needs specific targets rounded up.

We also know that sometime prior to 1.10, Cenred's kingdom and Camelot signed some sort of peace treaty, which according to Uther was “years in the making.”  We're not told how long the two kingdoms had been enemies before that, but my personal interpretation is that they have been at odds for a long time, because the peace treaty doesn’t appear to be very successful - by 2.12, Uther says, “Our treaty with Cenred no longer holds.  We are at war,” despite the fact that we actually haven't even met Cenred in the show yet and he hasn't attacked Camelot or anything (he doesn't agree to do that until Season 3, when Uther is incapacitated and the kingdom is weak).  Uther also later refers to Cenred as Camelot’s “sworn enemy.”  So the treaty just appears to have been a temporary, shaky peace between kingdoms that are frequently in conflict, the terms of which we are not privy to.

We know that Uther “offers a handsome reward for anyone with magic” (2.09, when the bounty hunter shows up with Freya), and we know that normal people will turn others over to bounty hunters for their own benefit (“How did he find you?” / “You can't always trust people.”)

We know that Aredian (the witchfinder) has been operating “in foreign lands” (aka, not Camelot).

So, the question I asked myself was this: why would Cenred and Uther even agree to a peace treaty in the first place, when their kingdoms are clearly constantly at odds with one another?  And looking at the other tidbits of information above, the framework I constructed for myself was that I personally think part of the aforementioned treaty involves Cenred turning people with magic over to Uther - and perhaps allowing Uther's agents over the border to do their own hunting - in exchange for some kind of compensation (probably financial).  We know Cenred is greedy (he's aiming to conquer Camelot even though he is, per his own words, “rich and powerful already”), and we know he canonically has the means to give Uther what he wants (agreements with slave traders working within his borders).  And given that the treaty appears to have been a fairly recent development in 1.10, my personal read is that this treaty was signed sometime before Merlin left Ealdor, and that it prompted an uptick in dangerous activity that frightened Merlin's mother and made her more willing to send him away.  Bounty hunters nabbing people on the road, slave traders being given the freedom to operate without interference, rumors of single agents like the Witchfinder roaming the countryside - all of this would lead to the far more immediate concern of “what happens if somebody in Ealdor thinks Merlin might be magic and decides to make a quick shilling by turning him in????”

I think that is Hunith's biggest concern.  Ealdor is poor.  And Merlin himself says his departure was prompted by not being able to trust the people around him.  When Freya tells him, “you can't always trust people,” he replies, “I know.  That's why I left home.”  And if there were suddenly a higher demand for people with magic, due to Cenred and Uther's arrangement, then there would be more incentive for regular people to look for a way they could turn it to their advantage, especially if they've already been conditioned to see magic as an evil/dangerous thing.  

I think this leads to Hunith being even more cautious, and putting even tighter restrictions on Merlin re: where he can go and when he can be out and who he can go wandering around with, and even on using magic for little things at home where no one can see.  And the problem with this is that Merlin won't tolerate it anymore, not the way he did when he was younger.  Not because he doesn't want to listen to her or because he doesn't understand that she's trying to help him, but because he just can't.  He can't.  It's killing him.  He tells Gaius in 1.01, “if I can't use magic, I might as well die,” and that’s not just him being dramatic; he really feels that way.  He doesn’t just have magic, he is magic.  He can't suppress it that way, without feeling like he's killing himself.

So, to bring us back around to the point of this segment - I think what ends up happening is that Merlin starts pushing back on Hunith’s restrictions, not so he can goof around and do stupid things, but so he can live his life in a way that doesn't make him feel like he's suffocating, so he can just be, without feeling like his entire existence is a crime.  I think the increased pressure drives him more and more frequently to Will, the only person around whom Merlin can exist as a complete person, and I think he becomes increasingly resistant to his mother's directives, and I think his mother gets more and more frustrated with him, because she sees it as him needlessly risking his life, but Merlin is tired of hearing that he can't trust anybody, because he CAN trust somebody; he has somebody to trust right now and he’s had them for ages, and he doesn't think things have to be so dire all the time, if his mother would just see that, but she won't -

And then, when his frustration reaches a boiling point, Merlin accidentally spills the beans.

I don't think Hunith walks in on Merlin doing magic in front of Will, personally.  I think Merlin slips up and tells her, in the course of their increasingly frequent, tense conflicts between “you can't trust ANYBODY/things are too dangerous” and “i CAN trust somebody/i can’t live like this anymore.” 

I think he lets it slip in an argument, as a frustrated justification for “it doesn't have to be like this all the time; things could be better; will's known about it for X years and nothing bad has ever happened to me.”  

And then, of course, it goes very, very badly.

Which brings us to Point #3 -

iii. it was a Disaster.

What I mean by this is that Hunith discovering that Will knew about Merlin’s magic was not a chill situation.  It did not go over well, and it created an interpersonal crisis between the three of them that persists all the way into 1.10.

We’ve already heard canon confirmation of this - “when she found out you knew, she was SO angry” - and it’s obvious that this conflict was never resolved.  I’ve already talked in another post about Hunith’s weird disinterest in/disapproval of Will in favor of Arthur (even after Will’s death!), and Will clearly isn’t feeling very generous with her in 1.10, either - they only interact once, when Hunith snaps at Will to “keep quiet” after he challenges Arthur in front of the village, and after that, they never talk again.  They never go anywhere near each other, in fact.

I know fandom likes to headcanon Hunith as the ultimate mom who is super generous with everyone and would instantly adopt all of Merlin’s friends out of an overabundance of motherly love, but 1.10 tells a very different story about her relationship with Will, and it’s clearly not a completely new issue.  Merlin knew his mother wouldn’t react well to finding out that he’d shared his secret with Will.  It’s why he lied in the first place.  Whatever the relationship between the three of them was before the reveal, Merlin knew that a history of positive interactions wouldn’t make a difference if the truth came out.  His mother would never be okay with Will knowing.

And he was right!  Because Hunith finding out the truth fractures that relationship.  It’s what finally prompts Hunith to send Merlin away.  And that, of course, makes things worse, because a) Will never did anything to deserve that reaction, and b) as I’ve talked about in another post, Merlin disappears without even telling Will he’s leaving.  He just vanishes.  And Will, blindsided, is left in Ealdor with Hunith, who was party to that decision, and he is so...I don’t even know how to describe how full of grief and rage I would be, if I were in his situation.  Merlin was the only good thing in Will’s life. 

I don’t think Will wants to be anywhere near Hunith, after that.  I think he avoids her like the plague.  I think the only reason Will even knows anything about where Merlin is or what he’s doing is because Hunith is careful to chat about it with other people in casual conversation, while Will is within earshot (hence why Will later says, “I hear you’re skivvying for some prince”).  And I think Hunith is probably making a misguided attempt to be kind, by doing that - giving Will a way to stay sort of updated even though they’re not speaking to each other - but I also don’t think her efforts are effective, at all, because the only thing her secondhand updates do for Will is hammer home the fact that Merlin is writing to Hunith instead of him, that Merlin hasn’t directed Hunith to relay Will any message, that Merlin really did just leave without saying goodbye and apparently has no intention of contacting Will again.  And Will doesn’t know why Merlin did that, or what he did to make Merlin not want him anymore, but because Will is who he is, he ends up feeling like Merlin must have never cared about him that much in the first place, and it was just that Will misread the whole relationship; he got his hopes up and let his guard down and believed that somebody cared for him, and he should have known better, because everybody ALWAYS leaves him, and he was stupid to think this time would be different.  And he is so angry at himself, but he is also devastated, and impossibly lonely, because he has nobody in his life, and he has to just sit and simmer in his own pain, because Merlin is gone, and Will would rather crawl over a bed of hot coals than go anywhere near Hunith right now.

And I honestly don’t blame Will for avoiding her.  It’s like...I hate to put this on Hunith, because I do appreciate her in other areas, but there’s just no getting around this: the way she views and deals with Will is markedly different from the way she treats Merlin’s Camelot friends, even though she barely knows them, and despite the fact that she’s perfectly aware that Arthur hates sorcery.  She’s happy to ignore Merlin’s friendship with Will all throughout 1.10, even though that’s the relationship that is in the most desperate need of attention, and instead she chooses to focus on/encourage/praise Merlin’s relationships with people who hate the thing that makes him who he is.  And that is just so...bizarre to me, and I think...I really believe there is a part of Hunith that blames Will for everything that happened, even if it’s subconscious.  Like - I think there’s a part of her that believes that if Will hadn’t found out about the magic, Merlin wouldn’t have been “in danger,” and she wouldn’t have been put in the difficult position of sending Merlin away.  I’m not sure if she truly believed Will was going to sell Merlin to a bounty hunter when he got desperate enough for money (see above re: Will’s situation being a precarious one, survival-wise), or if it was more her fear that Merlin would be too trusting now that one person had accepted him (what if Merlin went and told someone else, because it worked out the first time???  What if he let this thing with Will lull him into a false sense of security?)  But whatever her reasons, she still ends up pushing Will away.  She never treats him with the same kind of solicitous interest that she extends to Merlin’s new companions, and I do think it all comes back to that moment when she found out that he knew.

It’s hardly rational, given what we know about how dedicated Will actually is to protecting Merlin’s secret.  And I don’t think Hunith is like...actively taking it out on him.  But the attitude is still present, as an undercurrent, and I have to be honest about this: the feeling I get from Hunith in 1.10 (and the vibe that I imagine Will was getting from her while Merlin was gone) is that she thinks Merlin is much better off now that he’s moved on from Ealdor, and that leaving Will behind was ultimately best for everyone, and that Will needs to just get over it and understand that he’s not a part of Merlin’s life anymore, so everyone can be happy that Merlin has met such fantastic, fascinating new friends. 

That’s what I hear her saying, when I see the way she completely ignores him while simultaneously loving on the Camelot crew.  That’s what Will hears, too, even if she doesn’t say it out loud.  

And honestly, my heart breaks for him.  He deserved more than that. 

(tangentially, but - I think it bears mentioning, given certain fic trends I have seen, that Merlin himself does not share this viewpoint.  Merlin has never and will never consider his new friends to be a “step up” from Will, and he has never and will never consider Will to be a “past” or less immediate part of his life.  Even after Will is dead, Merlin refuses to tolerate even the barest suggestion of this from anybody - when Arthur tries to say that Will “was a close friend,” Merlin corrects him, saying “He still is.”  Will is just as relevant and meaningful to Merlin in Camelot as he was when Merlin was still at home, and the fact that Hunith doesn’t assign Will as much importance anymore does not in any way correspond to Merlin’s own feelings on the subject.) 

So - the point of all this is just to say that Hunith finding out about Will isn’t an event that ends with all of them coming together and collectively deciding to send Merlin to Camelot while Will and Hunith promise to look after each other while Merlin is away.  Whatever relationship the three of them had before this happened, it’s broken after Hunith learns the truth.  Hunith and Will are completely done with each other, after Merlin leaves.  Merlin and Will are obviously plunged into an incredibly messy situation, thanks to Merlin vanishing without a word.  And even Merlin and his mother have tension - Merlin references the big blow-up to Will in 1.10, but there’s also a moment in episode 1.01, too, that is VERY subtle but also very telling, when Gaius says “your mother asked me to look after you.”  Merlin’s response is just, “Yes,” but the way he delivers it - he looks away, and his mouth tenses up, and there’s this little hesitation and then the tone is almost - rueful, like there’s more he’d like to say but he refrains.  It’s like a “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all” vibe.  And the reason for that is because the circumstances under which his mother asked Gaius to look after him were a mess.  Merlin tells us straight-up in 1.10 that he didn’t want to leave home.  The entire thing was a disaster.

iv.  the reason hunith was “so angry” is because will did not find out about merlin's magic by accident

I think I've talked about this briefly before, but here it is in more detail: I am firmly convinced that Merlin told Will about his magic, as opposed to Will finding out accidentally.

It's not something we can actually know in a canon sense, obviously.  And I know the “Will almost has an accident and Merlin uses magic to help him” motif is more common in fic.  But the reason I’m so set on this is because of how Merlin describes Hunith's reaction to finding out that Will knew.  

“When she found out you knew - she was so angry.”  The way Merlin says that - he shakes his head, almost in awe, like it was something almost frightening to behold - the way he puts an emphasis on “so angry” - to me, this has always been an indication that Merlin voluntarily disclosed his magic to Will.  We know enough about Hunith to be familiar with how gentle and calm she is, and how much she loves Merlin, and how kind and understanding she is with him.  I think if she learned that Will had found out about Merlin's magic in an accidental way - ie, in a way Merlin could not have reasonably prevented - then even though she would still have wished that Merlin had told her sooner, she wouldn't have reacted in a way that made Merlin reflect on it like she was scary-angry.  I think she would have understood, if he explained that he'd been forced into a situation to use his magic to help someone or prevent a bad accident from happening.

However - if Merlin had TOLD Will about his magic, voluntarily, when he didn't have to, just because he felt like it, despite all of Hunith's warnings and all of her efforts to keep Merlin safe - that, I think, is something that would have prompted the kind of anger Merlin references.

To Hunith, that would be unconscionably reckless.  After all she's done to keep Merlin alive, after spending every day of her life sick and sleepless with worry - to have Merlin so easily throw her work away like that, in blatant defiance of every cautionary thing she's ever told him - it's a slap in the face.  Plus, Merlin is now in more danger (she thinks) which just amplifies her fear, and thus her fury.

But what she doesn’t understand is that Merlin didn't do it to hurt her.  He didn't do it because he doesn't appreciate how hard she works to keep him safe.  He did it because he had to.  There came a moment, at some point in the past, where he became so lonely and so desperate to be seen that he made a choice, took a risk, and put his life in someone else's hands.

And he was rewarded for that choice!  Merlin never, ever would have made it in Ealdor without Will’s honest companionship.  A Merlin who did not have a single friend to know and love him for those first two decades would have been utterly unrecognizable by the time he arrived in Camelot - if he even survived long enough to get there.

But Hunith doesn't understand the depth of Merlin's desperation.  She thinks that him telling Will was a foolish, uncalled-for risk, when for Merlin it was a lifesaving necessity.  

So, I think that this is part of what makes Hunith react so badly.  And I also think the severity of her reaction (and the ultimate tragic outcome that follows in 1.10) is something that lingers in Merlin’s mind for a long time, because he never willingly discloses his secret to anyone again.  Gaius and Lancelot find out by accident.  Freya, Gilli, and Daegal find out by necessity, because Merlin needs to leverage his magic in one way or another in order to save their lives.  Even Arthur is a forced confession, demanded by desperate circumstances.  

Merlin doesn't choose to reveal himself to those people.  It's something that's pushed onto him.  Will is a singular instance.  Merlin has only voluntarily shared his secret with one person - just because he wanted to, not because he was forced to, just because he trusted them, just because he wanted that connection so badly.  

And it leads to such painful consequences, in the end, that he never does it again.

in conclusion:

So, to summarize, my foundational thoughts on how this went down can basically be boiled down to those four things: it wasn't the result of carelessness, Merlin was the one who let it slip, it was a huge disaster with long-lasting consequences, and part of the reason why it went so badly is because Hunith found out that Merlin had voluntarily told Will about his magic, as opposed to Will finding out accidentally.  

But, as always, those are just my own personal thoughts about it, and I am still 100% happy to read about all sorts of differing envisionings of this scenario - nothing is confirmed in canon, obviously, so for people who imagine this event differently, have at it!  The world can always use a little more of Merlin’s pre-canon life, if you ask me. :D

#the once and future slowburn #meta #bbc merlin gen #no kings no masters #replies #@blueclaw7 - thank you for asking! #i really loved writing this up! #<333

[just-another-ficwriter]

Agent In Training

Pairing: Agent!Reader x Agent!Sweet Pea

Words: 1400ish

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of a gun, a little violence if you can call it that

Summary: When Phil Coulson puts together a new team of agents, Sweet Pea is forced to be Y/N's Supervising Officer and train her in combat.

Notes: So I've been binge watching Agents of S.H.E.I.L.D and that's where I got this idea to fill the Coworkers square on my @riverdalebingo card! Okay so hear me out, just imagine Agent Coulson recruiting our Riverdale faves for his team!! Jug and Betty would be an unstoppable duo that can solve any problem, the rest of the team rely heavily on them for research and weapon tec. They have undeniable chemistry that everyone can see but them. Vee would be a badass that could break a guys arm with her pinky, she never shows emotion but she always get what she wants. The others never know whether to admire her or fear her. Pea would be the mysterious muscle, no one knows anything about him other than he always seems to be in a bad mood. But he has a super soft spot for the team and would do anything to protect them. And the readers a loveable rule breaker that somehow ended up on the team with no real experience or training but wouldn’t change it for the world. I need to write it!!!!

"Absolutely not." Sweet Pea’s jaw is set, and Jug and Betty collectively hold their breaths. They’ve only been on the ship together for six days but everyone’s aware of how defiant he can be and how persistent it makes Coulson.

"I agree with smiley.” You draw a sip from your beer and send Sweet Pea your best sarcastic grin before rolling your eyes. “Physical training sounds like my own personal hell."

"It wasn't a request Agents; it was a command." Coulson puts his foot down, Veronica nodding beside him. Sweet Pea stiffens in his seat, he knows he can’t argue with the logic no matter how bad he wants to. "Y/N if you want to be part of this team you need to know how to defend yourself, so you aren't a liability in the field."

But you don’t share Sweet Pea’s restraint and immediately start pushing back. "Then what about Betty and Jug? Shouldn't they have to go through this torture too?"

"Oh, Jug and I know how to fight." You can’t hold back the laugh that follows, and Betty’s smile turns into a smirk. "Punch me if you don't believe me."

"Betts I'm not punching you." You scoff. Part of you doesn’t want to hurt your new friend while another part is worried that Betty can actually hold her own.

"I mean, if you're too scared." Betty shrugs, her tone teasing.

"Fine." You’re barely on your feet, fist just about raised before the blonde’s blocking the move. She twists your arm until it clicks painfully, and you can’t help but wince. Betty spins your whole body around with easy, her own arm locked around your neck with a shocking amount of pressure and you wave your hands in defeat. "Okay, okay I believe you!"

Jughead’s holding back a laugh and Sweet Pea just smirks, you can feel the heat of embarrassment raising in your cheeks.

"Training starts tomorrow, rest up." Coulson sends Betty a wink, before leaving the room chuckling.

-

Your eyes are barely open when you wonder into the training room the next morning, already yawning.

"You're late." Sweet Pea frowns from where he’s already stretching on the mats and you instinctively huff, annoyed at how alert he already seemed to be so early.

"I'm not use to waking up at 6am." You drag your feet behind you on the way to the mat as a last attempt of resistance.

"Well get used to it, you need to be up early to fit three training sessions in a day." You catch the way his lips twitch up into a smirk and you’re sure he’s doing it just to get under your skin but your eyes still widen in disbelief.  

"You're kidding me right?" You huff, glaring straight at him.  

"Not at all." He holds the amusement on his face as he starts wrapping your hands, pulling a little too tight. "And if you're late again, I'll make you do press ups for every minute."

Something tells you he isn’t joking.

It’s only when he starts to really get into the training that you start to focus. You listen intently as he talks you through your stance and the basic moves, determine to prove yourself. "First rule of boxing, always keep your hands up."

"So what’s next, how to kick?" The sarcasm rolls of your tongue before you can stop it and you’re surprised when he laughs.

"Maybe when you stop punching like a girl." He counters.

You narrow your eyes, more at the hint of playfulness he was showing than the actual comment he made. "I am a girl."

-

"Damn it!" Your voice echoes off the walls as you cry out, arms struggling under his hold. You were frustrated, you were really trying, and it still seemed impossible. He was too fast, too tall for you to block his attacks. You were failing, and your anger was getting harder to control.

"Your stance is all wrong." You can feel Sweet Pea’s hand resting on your hip, his touch is feather light but it burns through the fabric of your uniform. His breath is hot on the back of your neck and you swallow thickly before he’s pushing you forward and you’re stumbling away. "Try again."

The exercise starts over. You know what he’s about to do, know what you have to do to stop him. But just as you spin under his arm and reach for the gun in his hands, he blocks the attack and has the barrel pointed at your chest. Again.

You’d be dead if this was real.” He states, almost emotionless.

"Maybe if we just started off a bit slower?" You suggest, but his hold on you doesn’t budge.

"You wouldn't have time to slow this down if this was real." His arms tighten around your chest, you can’t see his face but just the patronizing sound of his voice sets a fire off inside of you that you’d be trying to hold at bay. "Get your head in the game."

"I know you don't like me but maybe if you could stop being an asshole for five minutes then maybe I could concentrate." You bite back, trying to get out of his grip but he still doesn’t relax it.

"I never said I didn't like you." He whispers directly into your ear and you know you need to focus, but there’s something oddly attractive about the way he says it. But you barely have time to think about it before he’s pushing you away again. "Now try again."

-

All the air leaves your body as he throws you over his shoulder and slams you down on the mat. A shadow of a smirk graces his lips as he towers over you, his hands on either side of your head. "Always remember to focus on your surroundings Agent."

You see opportunity in his teasing and immediately wrap your legs around his waist, using your things to overpower him and roll you both over. "Who's losing focus now?"

He wants to laugh but the sound gets stuck in his throat when he realises the way your straddling him, chests pressed together with your hand pressed into his neck. You can barely focus on your breathing as he just stares up at you, frozen in place.

"Am I interrupting something?" Jughead’s eyes are as wide as yours and he almost drops his tablet at the sight.

Sweet Pea practically throws you off him before he’s scrambling to his feet. "No we were just uh, finishing up."

"Good, Coulson's looking for you both." Sweet Pea doesn’t say another word as he hurries off, cheeks turning red. Jug waits until he’s disappeared before he raises an eyebrow and grins at you knowingly. "That looked cozy."

"Shup Jug."

Riverdale Winter Bingo Masterlist

Forever Taglist: @p-marie-sp

Sweet Pea Taglist: @80sand90simagine @wildberryyyy @hopelesslylosttheway

#riverdale #riverdale bingo #riverdale winter bingo #riverdale au #riverdale one shot #riverdale imagine #riverdale fanfiction #riverdale sweet pea #sweet pea #sweet pea au #sweet pea x reader #sweet pea fanfiction #sweet pea riverdale #sweet pea imagine #sweet pea series

[thrillridesz]

# you don't have to reply # please rest instead #

please take lots of rest qiu, you really really deserve it. It must've been hard for you...

I can't exactly say I understand what ur going through, but I'm praying for your well-being and happiness. Always.

You have always been such a joy to talk to, you bring in lots of happiness around Tumblr. You are very kind, even to us anon. You may not notice it but I do. We will wait for your return.

Please don't pressure yourself,,, I can't offer you comforting words, this is a matter you have to go through yourself: everyone has different ways in order to deal w/ this kinda thing. I don't want to offer smth that could go wrong and set you off.

But please rmb that your life is precious, no one can and will replace you. We are the one and only.

If uni is the core problem,,, it could only be resolved by ur determination. Anxiety and peer pressure always follow us, uni students. Ik it's taxing, esp in the country ur living in. But we must remain strong. This is the world we're living in, hell-ish and cruel. No mercy is spared.

++ If it makes you a lot better, take a hiatus from Tumblr and indulge yourself in things you love. Shower yourself with lots and lots of love, comfort food + music, anything will do.

×× rmb that ur moots and readers always love you, that'll never change. We don't care if you often post stories or not, knowing you're safe, healthy and happy are what matters most. seeing you enjoy yourself, excitedly talking abt the stuffs you love. That's what made you precious. To each their own.

Please please please try to suppress the urge to do those things, there's something out there waiting for you. It may seem invisible at first but it's out there... what once was a dream will come true.

You're always welcome here, f the one who gave you a hard time. When the time comes we will be there for you -- we may not know you personally, but I'm pretty sure everyone is willing to fight for you, just like you did to us 💜💜 I pray the best for you

-echo

hi echo anon!

i know this is a really late reply and i don’t know if you expected me to reply but thank you so much for reaching out to me ytd! your message really really touched me and honestly, it kind of made me realise just how much i love this tumblr community, my mutuals, my followers and honestly just everyone on deobiblr >< It helped me get out of the dark place i was at and made me feel so much better knowing that there is a place i can always turn to when im stressed out and just be myself without getting judged for it. 

I seriously can't tell you how much I love everyone on here. Tbh idk how i would have even made it this far without completely breaking down if not for this blog which i love so much i apparently can’t even stay off it for a day. taking a hiatus is probably a huge mistake because i just couldn’t resist not coming back here to all the lovely people and sweet, amazing anons like you who never ever fail to make my day. this message gave me so much strength and hope that things would become better eventually and i can’t tell you just how much i appreciate it ❤️❤️

#answered #echo anon #ilysm

[punkscowardschampions]

Savannah & Jac

Savannah: Are you on your way here? Jac: I hadn't started to get ready yet Jac: got caught up doing some prep for our next lecture, haven't looked at the clock in a minute 🤯 whoops Savannah: well thank god, I was hoping to catch you before having to dramatically tell you to turn around, especially if you had happened to be half way to me Jac: Oh? Jac: What's going on in UH tonight? 😄 Savannah: Nothing, which is perhaps why we're the centre of attention Jac: 😬 Don't love the sound of that Jac: what's been said? Savannah: I'm not even sure because the way she was saying it gave me the most INTENSE Catholic school flashbacks Savannah: & I've overanalysed every syllable to the point that it's been twisted beyond recognition so I can't be trusted to reliably relay any of it Jac: Okay, pause Jac: who's being mean to you, and why on earth Jac: Is it that one girl in the next room along from you, because I did think she was someone's little sister so I can believe the immaturity Savannah: I think she was trying to be complimentary about us but I didn't take it like that, I can't, not after everything Jac: Baby Jac: just try to explain it best you can Jac: take your time, and I'll forgive any personal interjection Jac: because I care more about how it's made you feel, than how it was said or meant, really Savannah: she's made me feel like I'm doing this all wrong, exactly how I said I wouldn't, holding you back and being too much Jac: But you aren't at all Jac: what would she even know about it, she doesn't know either of us, even a little bit Savannah: maybe that unbiased outside perspective is what I needed to make me realise the mistakes I'm making Savannah: because it isn't just her, they're all talking about how you're ALWAYS here, how inseparable we are Jac: Do you feel like we're taking things too fast, being too much? Savannah: No Savannah: but I didn't last time either Jac: okay Jac: because you know you can tell me, if you are Jac: I mean, I don't know what to do with this information Jac: we don't judge them for their relationships Savannah: I was fine, but I'm scared now, obviously Jac: that we're like you and Tyler, or you and Milo Jac: or that we're repeating our past and it'll end badly again Savannah: that I can't have a relationship that isn't ridiculously co-dependent, except it's not even, because that implies that they were as extra as I was Savannah: & that I shouldn't have entered into this one if I haven't changed enough to avoid repeating things Jac: They balanced you out Jac: and I don't Savannah: they let me do whatever I wanted, that isn't what I want from you Jac: but if it's what we both want Jac: it's hard for me to think we should listen more to these girls, who are probably speaking at least from a bit of jealousy, than that Savannah: No, because it isn't what we both want, a healthy relationship is what we both want Jac: Yeah Jac: you're right, of course Jac: but, I don't like the implication that they know what works for us Jac: if we need to reevaluate, it can still be on our terms Jac: I bet lots of them have never had a serious relationship, or only the same level of unhealthy as we have before, they're not qualified Savannah: They don't know us or have any qualifications & I believe you're right about the jealousy factor but I am still willing to see & use this as the wake up call that I need to do better Jac: We can do that Jac: I trust you Jac: I'm not going to see this as you pulling away or something I've done Savannah: please don't, because it isn't Jac: It was my initial fear Jac: but you never leave me to worry Jac: and the fact that I immediately went there is just something I need to address too Savannah: you have reason to go there, it's okay Savannah: how I handled things back then is precisely what I'm trying to avoid Jac: I completely see that, I honestly do Jac: I'm sorry if I got defensive right there Savannah: & I can see that I've slightly overreacted now that I've slightly calmed down Jac: It made me feel the same Jac: like you said, the school flashbacks are no joke Savannah: I'm so sorry I told you not to come, I'd hate for you to think that's what I want, ever Jac: It's okay, we can take a night off Jac: but I'm also not gonna tell you you can't come to mine instead, once they've all gone back to their rooms or whatever Savannah: are you going to tell me what prep you were doing which I should've been instead of freaking out? Savannah: because I need to know Jac: Of course Jac: we haven't competed like that for a LONG time now Jac: it's not like we were asked but I asked [your fave prof bff 'cos lord knows I'm using the photos] on the way out last week if there was anything we could study up on ready for next term Savannah: once I've done everything he has suggested & fixed my 😢 face I'll come over Jac: My poor boo, I hate that they upset you so much Jac: also that we only have showers Jac: or I'd recommend a bubble bath as first order of business Savannah: honestly the lack of 🛀🏾🥂 upsets me more than anything Savannah: but in all seriousness, it wasn't even those girls at fault, I got myself worked up Jac: it is a travesty Jac: we need a place with an en-suite next year Jac: because the idea of sharing a bath with god knows who is no more appealing than NOT having one 😰 Jac: it's okay, I won't insist on being that stereotype and 'having a word' with them, they can live, for now Savannah: if checking into a hotel wouldn't be viewed as the ULTIMATE overreaction, I definitely would use the 💳 my dad insisted upon giving me Jac: I can only imagine the flashbacks that would give him 🙄 Jac: not worth the stress nor satisfaction Jac: though I was thinking we could do something, go somewhere, before the Christmas hols, as we will both be obligated to go all in with the family during Savannah: there would be SO MUCH satisfaction but I promise, I'll resist and be good, for now Savannah: no such promises of 👼🏾 for a family Christmas though, so I love that idea Jac: We can make that happen with just a shower, I promise you Jac: even if we just see a bit more of Edinburgh, get that hotel, I wanna treat you Jac: and no one can stop me spending as much time as we're able lavishing attention on you before we have to go back Jac: because it's going to be stressful, we both know that much already Savannah: if you're feeling left out because your entire dorm isn't talking about us, I can make that happen once we're 🚿 Savannah: you're the most thoughtful girlfriend in the entire world, but if that's something we're about to start competing over in place of academics, that's more than fine with me Jac: I might regret saying I can handle that but Jac: I don't Jac: 😳😳 Savannah: you won't have any, I promise Jac: I love you Savannah: I'm utterly in love with you Jac: I'll never get over hearing that Savannah: you don't have to because I love your 😳 too Jac: It's so different Jac: even though we used to say it like all the time Savannah: you know I meant it every time, it just had to be different Jac: and it is Jac: third time's a charm Jac: we'll make it work this time, no matter how much work that might be Jac: because it's so worth it Savannah: yes, it is and we will Jac: I'm gonna order all your faves when you get here Savannah: 🥰 Savannah: hopefully the lecture prep won't take me too long Jac: you can always read through mine Jac: it's not like it's cheating, just a better way to do a study sesh Savannah: if you're going to send it to me, absolutely, but if you're expecting me to concentrate on reading through it when I get there, I'm sorry but there's no way Jac: I'm not that 😈 Jac: at least not at the sake of your education Savannah: & thank goodness as my parents are both already doing the most to interfere with my education right now with their constant communication Jac: yet imagine your dad in particular if you did any less than perfect Jac: I don't know how he fails to see how counterproductive the constant checking in is Savannah: or the pressure that he's been putting on me to spend Christmas with him from literally November 1st, I swear Savannah: it hasn't slipped his mind that I had no choice but to do that for the last two, even if the unfairness to my mother is something he refuses to think about Jac: Yes, I was about to say Jac: he'll have to think about how he's going to timeshare more efficiently with your mum now, just because it was his way or nothing for two whole years Jac: clearly, that didn't work so well for anyone BUT him Savannah: he thinks he can dictate to me as if I'm no older than I was when he forced me to leave & as though nothing has changed since then Savannah: I'm not going to jeopardise my mum's recovery by not spending time with her in the holidays Jac: To even suggest, let alone expect that from you Jac: even if he's not thinking about your mother, why would he want that guilt for you Jac: at least he cannot literally force you onto a plane to Sligo instead of Dublin Jac: it's getting Sienna, that needs to be planned Savannah: I'm at my wits end with her, it's like she doesn't see the problem Savannah: of course I'd understand her reluctance to spend it with mum but it's all about him, every single of her reasonings, because they aren't even really hers Savannah: she just fully believes whatever dad says Jac: 😕 That's hard Jac: because it automatically puts you in the bad guy camp Jac: because obviously it's nicer to believe that he only wants what's best etc Jac: but when she realizes that's not totally true, that'll be shattering Savannah: she's going to get hurt by him again, as if I wasn't there when he walked out teaching her to question everything that comes out of a man's mouth, that man in particular Savannah: I hate it Jac: I know 😞 Jac: all you're trying to do is protect her Jac: is she interested at coming like, at all? Jac: even if not the actual day of Savannah: It's not like I want her to spend her time and energy until her leavers cert hating him as much as I do, I know it'll be different for her now that I'm gone Savannah: but we get nowhere whenever I try to talk to her about mum, irrespective of the actual subject Savannah: I'm not giving up, of course, but I won't pretend to you that it isn't exhausting Jac: Of course you don't, you'd never tell her what to think Jac: but if you can see things differently, or remember how it was last time, it doesn't make you a bad sister, it's the opposite Jac: you never do ❤ Jac: I was just wondering, though this would be a bit morally dubious Jac: if we could trick her into spending some time with your mum Jac: I could make my sister invite her to something legit, like a family party Jac: your dad MIGHT say yes? I don't know Savannah: at this point I'm so close to walking away from everyone for the sake of my own mental health to spend the holidays alone & obviously that's not a real option I have available to me so I'm more than ready to do it & take the bad karma if it backfires Jac: I understand, last Christmas, I would've given anything to do just that Jac: I think it could work, your dad being the only potential block Jac: we could go for the second half, do New Years with her, maybe Savannah: 😞 I'm going to make sure you have the best Christmas this year, baby, whether or not this works Jac: I've got you, that's all I need for it to be perfect Jac: and we will work this out Jac: but as you said, it isn't even time yet, so you don't have to figure it all out tonight Jac: but when we do, you will have a peaceful and joyful Christmas, if it's the last thing I do Savannah: You're perfect & you're getting my undivided attention tonight, I truly do not care what opinion any or every American girl in this town has or decides to share Jac: A no-phone policy does not even need to be implemented when you're so beautiful Jac: it'd practically be a sin to not use every sense on you Jac: but seriously, whilst they may have a point, we're also further along than they might assume Jac: like I said, if they've never had a proper relationship, they're used to not getting texts back and having to be cool about it 🤷 Jac: we don't have to tone ourselves down or lessen what we have, if it doesn't serve us to do so, only in the ways it might Savannah: I will implement one though, some kind of a genuine family emergency happening again notwithstanding Savannah: I learnt a LOT about sin in Catholic school & you're totally right Savannah: you're the only person who I'd tone anything down for & since you haven't asked me, I really don't think it's necessary Jac: I appreciate it, a lot, you know that, right? Jac: the cliche isn't totally baseless then Jac: you can tell me all about it but we better keep that on the down-low 🤫 Savannah: okay, you don't want that specific dialogue broadcast to your entire dorm, just our mutual appreciation Savannah: I can do that Jac: I can only imagine how enthusiastic the boys would be Jac: and I only care about your enthusiasm Savannah: ugh, true Savannah: I forget too easily that we're not totally on our own once the door is closed, which I'm sure is what lead to that conversation taking place earlier Jac: We aren't the only ones who do that Jac: I swear to God I've heard at least four different girls going next door 🙄 Savannah: 🙄 not to mention I'm still getting woken up by a certain person we don't like just being loud while she undergoes her morning routine, which has literally been happening since I first moved in Jac: I can't deal with how loud she is Jac: the accent makes it so grating Jac: is she trying to be an influencer? make friends? either or 😬 honey no Savannah: ^^^ Savannah: I'm going to have to start going to bed earlier to compensate once lectures start Jac: She a THOUSAND percent has booked herself all afternoon/evening lectures and won't get why everyone is making such a big deal ??? Jac: so that girl Jac: I do my best work in the AM, that's just facts, not all of us plan to party through the entire experience, come on Savannah: So do I, as you know, so if she doesn't take the numerous hints once they are coming from more than just me, I'll have to move in with you & be that girl Savannah: which would entirely negate all the rational points I made earlier Jac: God, there needs to be a way to complain about her without it being dead obvious Jac: an amnesty box of sorts Jac: I'm still looking for doubles but no one is moving yet Savannah: If I have to befriend her to initiate the behaviour change that way, I guess I'll get used to the accent Savannah: you've said my 🥺 is like a superpower Jac: it would be very on-brand Jac: basically work experience for us Jac: and they are but she might fall for you and then she'd be around even more Savannah: oh no, imagine how vocal she would be if she did Savannah: it would be beyond difficult to cope with Jac: I would not cope Jac: at all Jac: so I shan't imagine it Savannah: 😄 Jac: 😥 Savannah: Baby, don't 😥 Jac: I'll have to go back to being a TOTAL bitch from hell if she dares Savannah: 🥺 no Savannah: you're an angel Savannah: & she isn't worth your time or energy, I am Jac: You Jac: x2 Jac: I don't care about anyone else here Jac: in the nicest way possible, of course Savannah: except [whatever your professor bff's name is] that's evident in the notes you've sent me Jac: Okay, he's pretty cool Jac: and definitely gonna help us get perfect marks Savannah: you definitely don't need his help Savannah: I'd almost forgotten just how intelligent you are Jac: I'll try not to be offended Jac: even though I was still totally convinced you'd be going to Bath before I saw you Savannah: I mean, actually, not in a romanticised way because of how much I was in awe of you Savannah: & I did go there, before I made up my mind which offer to accept & it didn't feel right Jac: I'm only teasing, I know that Jac: 🌌💫 Savannah: we were supposed to be here together, like we always talked about Savannah: I shouldn't have ever tried to fight that Jac: I couldn't even bring myself to check your socials before Jac: I don't know what I didn't want to see more, you know Jac: confirmation either way was just, no Savannah: I understand Jac: If I'd have seen gap year plans with Milo, that would not have been it Savannah: most of the time that we were intending to plan was spent arguing anyway, I'm not sure he really wanted to go at any stage of it Savannah: with me, I mean Jac: You weren't right for each other Jac: he's lost a lot more from that deal than you have Savannah: He'll be having a lovely time in hostels, undoubtedly Savannah: it won't be a culture shock at all Jac: Checks out Jac: authentic experience Jac: inserting himself with all the other foreigners Savannah: 🙄 Savannah: if I thought he had a posh accent, lord knows what they'll think Jac: he'll be stimulating the economy, they'll pretend he's not unbearable Savannah: at least he'll be stimulating something, I suppose Jac: 😂 Jac: you said it, not me Savannah: it speaks to my experience Jac: how anyone has the nerve to 🥱 you when you're so interesting is so offensive to me Savannah: it's not his fault that nobody else could ever be as interesting to me as you are, but he is responsible for the effort, or lack of that he put in Jac: no, it'd take someone really special to fight the 🌌💫 and it's plans for us Jac: and I can imply he wasn't that person, without being petty about it Savannah: it's honesty, he wasn't that person & he'd be the first to say so Jac: you're already happier, aren't you? Jac: on this path, this direction Savannah: yes, the happiest Jac: 😊🥰 Savannah: excuse me while I have one of those moments where I can't believe any of this is really happening & fully expect to wake up in Sligo for the summer to the realisation it was the most incredible dream Jac: It's actually such a fear Jac: I never want to go to sleep when I'm with you Jac: for that reason, and the obvious being I can't look at you with my eyes closed Savannah: but if you don't your subconscious can't talk to me & you know how much I love that Jac: so far Jac: what if I say something totally stupid and betray myself 😱 Savannah: you could never say anything stupid & I know you aren't going to betray yourself or me Jac: You trust me, I trust you Savannah: exactly Jac: if I ever say anything really cringe, you can just not tell me, yeah 😅 Savannah: 😄 like what? Jac: anything our favourite American might say, for example Savannah: she isn't actually going to attempt to flirt with me, boo Jac: I know, she's the definition of straight Jac: bless her Savannah: ^^ she's the only person I would apply the word definition to, literally anyone else has the ability to change & grow but she's CLEARLY set in her loud ways Jac: ^ That's totally the vibe Jac: she made her mind up aged 10 she was right and hasn't moved an inch since, whatever the subject Savannah: you're so right Savannah: What were you like when you were 10? Jac: Oh God Jac: let me think Jac: so, fourth class, absolutely LIVID over the fact we had 2 more years of first school after that Jac: thought I was way too grown-up for EVERYTHING Jac: there was probably some boyband I was into but if there was, I don't remember but Isabelle probably still has the merch and posters on her wall Jac: hopefully I was less insufferable when we properly met those years later Jac: how about you? Savannah: I can totally relate, except of course I thought I was too grown up for boybands too Jac: Totally Jac: it was like a secret shame but she had none, Amelia neither Jac: so I kinda had to go with it Savannah: 😄 Savannah: I had a very overprotective father who wouldn't have let me go to those concerts even if I had wanted to so Jac: it made sense to be anti then Jac: it was a lot of screaming and pre-teen hormones, it might've felt like it at the time, but you didn't miss out on a whole lot Savannah: if there'd been a girl band of that era I'd have been much more likely to have supported them, as a fierce little feminist Jac: Adorable Jac: you were cute, I remember that much Savannah: you've always been cute, I've seen the photos Jac: at least my hair had grown back in a decent amount by then Jac: I was so jealous of yours Savannah: really? I didn't even know how to properly style it back then Savannah: but I still insisted, obviously, instead of letting my mum help me Jac: I liked that Jac: you didn't just let your mum braid it and put a bow in Jac: I have to assume that was my logic when I cut mine Jac: independence, making my own choice Savannah: I thought I could do ANYTHING, it's embarrassing how big my aspirations were Savannah: & that there was no limit on the choices I had, there was total belief in that too Jac: it's nice Jac: I wish we stayed like that Savannah: imagine my 🥺 when I discovered inequality & where I was supposed to fit into it as a black girl, except don't because I was utterly devastated Savannah: we still have big dreams though & more choices than 10 year old me did Jac: I don't wanna cry Jac: you're still going to get everything you want Jac: and you've had to work twice as hard for it, no one can take that away from you Savannah: no 😢 we're both going to have a beautiful life Jac: ✨🌼🌷❤☀️❤🌹🌻✨ Savannah: I'll help you & you'll help me Savannah: now that I'm more willing to accept it than I was as a child Jac: and your hair is undeniably flawless Jac: we can do anything Savannah: Oh my god, it's my turn to be jealous of yours & I always am Jac: the fact you can be jealous of anyone blows my mind Jac: you are perfection Jac: but you can play with my hair all you want now Savannah: but not literally right now 🥺 Jac: life is so unfair Jac: I'm so proud of you though, working so hard Savannah: well I'm even prouder of you, these notes are flawless Jac: I've got my uses, yeah Savannah: [a picture of her own aesthetic af notes so far because we are both those bitches] Jac: [truly, could rinse the studyblr tag with these two] Jac: 😍😍😍 you've picked such pretty colours Savannah: [I have saved some cute psychology ones off pinterest for when they start their studies] Savannah: they do match my outfit but if I start sending pictures of myself I'll never finish Jac: if you start sending pictures of yourself, I'll find it harder to be supportive of your studies Savannah: I miss you too Jac: as long as we're in that together too Jac: I'll survive Jac: my room does need tidying before you get here Savannah: you're adorable, you don't have to tidy up for me Jac: for my notes to look perfect, my room has to get a little messy Jac: oh, and my hair, probably Savannah: I can fix your hair for you after we 🚿 Jac: as long as you don't think I look terrible when you show and run straight back Savannah: I've been 😢 so I don't have any room to judge but even if I did, you could never look terrible & there is no conceivable reason that I'd ever run away from you Savannah: but if you need to shown all of that when I get there, it's okay, I'm happy to Jac: I'm so needy, I'm sorry Savannah: you're allowed to want me & not be sorry Savannah: I definitely don't see it as a negative Jac: Good Jac: I haven't done this before Jac: I don't ever wanna be too much Savannah: well, you aren't doing it alone & I trust us more than the opinion of a random American girl I'm currently stuck living with Savannah: any amount of reassurance you need for any reason, it's fine, I promise Jac: 😌 I'm cool Jac: but thank you Jac: there's no one else I would want to or could do this with Savannah: there's no need to thank me, I'll do anything to make sure you feel happy & secure Jac: and I intend to return the favour, always Jac: in every way available to me Savannah: 😊 I know, I meant what I said earlier, you're very good at this, first time girlfriend or not Jac: I've got to be a worthy competitor and you're 👼🏾 Savannah: Catholic school taught me a lot about 👼🏾 too Jac: I'm so relieved they still had to give you an actual education as well Jac: I can only imagine how hard Science could've fallen by the wayside Savannah: still, I will not be enrolling my 👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾 when they're old enough Jac: at least you don't have to make that decision for a while yet Savannah: which is just as well because my immediate response was 'thank god', how blasphemous Savannah: 🙏🏾 hasn't guided this decision but there is a LOT of  🙌🏾 involved Jac: he'd approve if that was the only precaution you took, like Savannah: his approval would have to eclipse my actual father's disapproval, which is BEYOND unlikely Jac: 🙏🏾 is less vocal Jac: it's more signs than 🔊 Savannah: I think that's ⛪️ dependent, some 🙏🏾🙌🏾 is very vocal Jac: actual GOD himself though Savannah: hmm, well he is a man Savannah: it makes communication more challenging Jac: I'm sure little Savannah would've said herself Savannah: child me would've believed that god is a woman, another dream shattered for sure Jac: a woman wouldn't have done so poorly Jac: it's a compliment, really Savannah: exactly, with the zero communication, it'd be like excuse me honey, why are you so angry at me that you've blocked me? Jac: that kind of drama is reserved for me Savannah: not even, I know what I did to you Jac: you didn't do anything to me, not on purpose, I always knew that Savannah: it wasn't on purpose but that doesn't mean it's okay Savannah: I hurt you anyway Jac: We were both hurt and hurting Jac: it was a lot Savannah: yes, but it's important that you don't make excuses for me simply because of how much you want to forgive me Jac: I won't Jac: I can just recognize my role in everything too Jac: as well as the other factors that neither of us could control Savannah: ^^ we're not going to get hung up on it to the extent that it ruins everything, but we can & will acknowledge it all so that doesn't either Savannah: I do love a balancing act 😄🙄 Jac: You do it flawlessly Jac: but we don't have to examine our past and our current behaviour constantly Jac: night's off are self-care Jac: tonight can be one of them, we'll just be Savannah: okay Savannah: I don't know why it feels like I haven't seen you in a really long time, I swear I didn't fully disassociate during my freak out earlier Jac: I feel it too Jac: judge away, everyone Jac: we're making up for lost time Savannah: they'd understand if I actually let them spend time with you instead of stealing you away on sight Jac: I can't pretend to be devastated Jac: you're the most interesting to me Savannah: I can't pretend I regret it either Jac: 🥰 Jac: we have plenty of time to socialize Jac: and we do, with people who are relevant, like people on our course and the psych society Savannah: ^^^ Savannah: It's not my fault she isn't looking over my shoulder when I'm super active in both of those group chats Savannah: I was literally setting up a study group before she cornered me, excuse her Jac: 🙄🙄🙄 I don't care for her at all, even if she's brought a potential problem to our attention before it was Jac: like thanks but still, bye though Jac: maybe the rest of her art history course does NOT love her either 😬 like if YOU'RE lonely, just say Savannah: mhmm Savannah: if anybody understands loneliness, we do Jac: right, if the ego was taken out of it, we'd try to spend time with her, and loads of other people in your dorm etc would too Jac: she's not helping herself rn Savannah: I also totally understand overconfidence as a front for insecurity, like hello??! She could have an ally in me if she'd approach things differently Jac: 🤞 she gets there before the year is out Jac: I don't want anyone struggling, seriously Jac: but I know forcing friendships when they aren't happening naturally isn't healthy Jac: never mind accepting people's toxic behaviour when we're actively trying not to do or be that Savannah: I couldn't agree more Savannah: though, despite what I said before about her not flirting with me, there is a very high possibility she'll fall in love with you if you keep being so perfect Savannah: everyone will Savannah: it's not as if she has to like girls to appreciate your intelligence, empathy or compassion, even if understanding your resilience & determination is clearly a harder task for her right now Savannah: a beautiful soul is a beautiful soul Jac: 🥺 Jac: Baby Jac: beautiful recognizes beautiful, that's all I have to say Jac: you make me feel so much better than I've ever thought I am Savannah: I can't say if I achieve nothing else while I'm here I'll be satisfied, because you know me better than that, but I am proud to be able to list that as an ongoing one because I've never met a better person than you Savannah: you deserve to feel it Savannah: & if you are what you love, what a good person you are shamelessly works in my favour too Jac: you're the most incredible person I've ever known Jac: it just sounds like a baseless compliment, there's no way to adequately put it, at least not without some serious time and work to try Savannah: not from you, there's no such thing Jac: I'm not the one that can write songs, sadly Savannah: but you could write a song I'd like more Jac: 😅 Savannah: I know he's your brother but no Jac: Don't worry, not a weird clause that to date me you have to think his music is amazing Jac: I'd actually hate that, to be honest Savannah: I'm beyond relieved Jac: I'm relieved no one here knows who he is, or who I am in relation Jac: that was getting annoying, towards the end Savannah: poor boo, I can't even imagine Jac: oh well Jac: this fresh start is going better than I could have even dreamed on my craziest day Savannah: me too & you're really keeping me sane Jac: God knows we've got to get through this experience and THRIVE Savannah: ^^ 👏🏾 Savannah: We will, failure to do so is literally not an option Jac: Exactly Jac: I refuse Jac: to let either of us Savannah: speaking of, these notes are done Savannah: so I'll be there soon Jac: I'll come out with the blasphemy too Jac: because I need to see you so bad now Savannah: It's mutual Jac: Hurry Jac: but don't forget your coat, it's cold Savannah: 🥰 I totally would have for the same reason I don't think either of us can be held responsible for what we're about to say, so thank you Jac: I can't let you freeze Jac: even though warming you up is beyond a welcome responsibility Savannah: & I can't lie, my coat is more fashionable than practical, I'll still need you Jac: You've got me Jac: shower, tea and all the bed cuddles you could want Savannah: you're going to make me cry again Jac: sweetie Jac: you can cry but wait 'til you're inside and with me so we don't have to thaw out the icicle teardrops Savannah: [a picture of her with that glitter tears filter than samantha loves so much because sadly I don't actually have one] Jac: Wow Jac: that's my girlfriend Savannah: I can't get over hearing that from you Jac: I can't get over saying it Jac: even just to myself Savannah: It sounds so different when a boy says it Jac: Yeah? Savannah: I don't even know how to explain it, it's like it stripped me of something instead of giving me something Savannah: it felt like, oh, I'm just your girlfriend now, okay Jac: like a kind of diminishment of who you are Jac: not the pride to be with you and know you and love you Jac: I see that Jac: I was never anyone's girlfriend, but that's the feeling I got from them Jac: a title for THEM not YOU Savannah: of course you understand, you always do Jac: not that I was bothered what they thought Jac: but it would have been upsetting if I was, definitely Savannah: I hate that Jac: it's okay, that's all over Savannah: I'm going to make you so happy Jac: I know you will

[statusquoergo]

Ok now i'm curious. How would you personally write a heterosexual Marvey?

Well! This is something I have…never before considered. Alright, I guess the first question is which of them I would cast as a woman, and I think I’m gonna have to go with Harvey. Because this show is supposed to be primarily a drama with occasional romantic elements rather than primarily a romance with occasional other elements, I think Harvey’s character being a woman introduces more avenues for interesting plotlines; with a younger woman trying to make it in a man’s world, you’re pretty limited to the typical, uh, feisty young woman trying to make her mark in a man’s world. Not that there’s not room for such a thing, but I do think it’s been rather done, and I don’t even want to imagine how often Suits would recycle the “you slept your way to the top of the company” argument for Mike once they hooked up. (So often.)

As before, we’ve got the powerful, arrogant, bored power lawyer forced to interview Harvard candidates for an associate’s position she does not want filled. She’s just nearing the end of her tether when a bedraggled young man stumbles in, on the run from the cops, and spills weed all over her interview room floor. What does she think? My first impression is that she’s going to have a bit of fun with him; she doesn’t want to hire him, but she wants to break up her dreary day. Now I suspect this would play out similarly to canon, except with much stronger overtones of the Harvey character’s power and poise; as a woman—a very powerful woman, but a woman nonetheless—I imagine she would go to greater lengths to put Mike in his place than Harvey actually did. Not just “hard work, long hours, high pressure, I need a grown goddamn man,” but an explicit display of what their dynamic is going to be: She is the boss, he is her subordinate, this is a fantastic risk and a deeply stupid decision, and she can destroy him at any time.

This sounds like I’m going into D/s territory, doesn’t it? That wasn’t my intention at all…

I think the biggest difference in conduct would actually be the supporting characters. Well, no, overall the show would have to be much more balanced; with Harvey and Donna, and Mike and Rachel, as I discussed previously, we audiences came in primed to imagine them ending up together, so they could be thrown in as couples any which way at any old time, and while Mike with a female Harvey character would be heteronormativity as usual, the power imbalance could cause problems that would need to be addressed. But, like, skillfully. Mike can’t just promote himself to COO and be done with it.

So anyway I think that amidst all the case law, and the suits, and the covering up Mike’s secret, Rachel and Donna could become very interesting characters. Without the role of “Harvey’s girl” to fall back on, Donna could remain much more in line with her s1 casting, when she had actual agency and wasn’t quite so…infuriating. And bossy. She could develop into a real character, that is, with a non-Harvey-related personality of her own; I’d like to see her given an arc to pursue her acting dreams, for instance, maybe one in which it doesn’t work out as she thinks it will and she gains a more nuanced (and humble) understanding of the world around her. She can still be a badass, but a badass with some depth. And maybe Rachel and Mike try dating before they decide they’re better as friends, or Rachel realizes Mike is interested in Harvey’s character in a more-than-platonic fashion and doesn’t want to compete. Not that I want her to become a simple romantic foil, or merely a facilitator for their relationship! But I would like to see her as Mike’s best friend and an awesome lawyer in her own right, brilliant but struggling. (Going to law school while still being a top paralegal at a major corporate firm is hard!) If Harvey’s character is Mike’s romantic interest, Mike is going to need someone to confide in both personally and, on occasion, professionally (because he could probably not go to Harvey’s character quite as often as in canon for every little thing; at a certain point, the romantic tension would be too heavy), which would be a great way to display Rachel’s legal prowess more consistently than it was in canon. She wants to be a lawyer! That’s awesome! Maybe Mike showing up is the kick in the ass she needs to really get going! He can support her in school, she can support him at the firm with his dangerous secret, they can have sleepovers, it’ll be fantastic.

While all that background noise is going on, of course Mike and Harvey’s character are growing closer and learning to balance each other out; quite similarly to canon, Mike is becoming more mature and less naïve, Harvey’s character is becoming less uptight and more openly caring (in measured doses, of course). We the audience have adjusted to the age discrepancy (or forgotten it, depending on how this plays out) and are getting impatient as perhaps Mike begins to realize that he’s interested in Harvey’s character in some serious kind of way. (I bet Harvey’s character knows it too but refuses to entertain the possibility because, you know, power dynamics.) In this light, the most logical point in my mind for them to finally acknowledge their mutual attraction is right before Mike leaves the firm to try his hand at investment banking; I could see Harvey’s character teasing the possibility of them getting together now that Mike is no longer under her purview, and I think I talked earlier about the idea of them resisting for a brief interlude before realizing that they desperately want to be together, so Mike being at Sidwell’s would facilitate that well. Then of course they have to figure out what to do once Mike comes back to the firm, but I bet they’d get it. Eventually.

Essentially the show would be a much more polished and carefully planned version of itself. That is to say, there would be planning. Each season would be meticulously scripted from end to end. No scrambling on the back half. No forcing token romantic moments into otherwise non-romantic scenes just to remind everyone that these characters have to end up together come hell or high water. Also more real characters, fewer caricatures. I’m sure to do this thing properly would require much more consideration and thought than what’s occurred to me here, but this is the blueprint I’d start with, I think, if that gives you some idea of where my head is at!

#marvey #suits usa #analysis #Anonymous