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stayevildarling · 3 days

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Natasha Romanoff x Reader- In the silence

A/N: This is dangerously close and inspired by the Cordelia Goode version of this that I wrote years ago. I have been enjoying writing for Natasha even though I felt quite anxious about whether I was doing her any justice but the support has been lovely so thank you 🫶🏻

prompt: Natasha and you have always been close, working as avengers beside each other for years. And deep down you both know you love each other. What happens when a mission goes south and you admit your feelings to her?

tags/warnings: female reader, mention of weapons (mild), mention of violence (mild), mention of gunshot wound, mention of blood, angst, fluff at the end

translation: detka= baby

word count: 4.5k

taglist:

@lunaticwhittaker, @billiebeanhoward, @lanawinters-ily, @kenzbro, @minaslittleone, @httpfiftyshadesofgay, @whitelotus00, @ninaahs, @vintagepaulson, @isle-of-earle, @paulsonsratched, @stepintomyworld, @grilledcheeseandguavajelly, @lucyintheskywithxanax, @fanfics4world, @mymiraclewitch, @hazard-to-myself, @awritersometime, @ohrwurm26, @wastdstime, @p1pecleanerwitheyes

Standing by the entrance of the gym inside the avengers compound, you are greeted by warm sunlight coating your cheeks, as well as some music playing loudly in the background. A smile creeps it's way onto your features, as you see Natasha leaning against one of the large glass windows, her breathing heavy as she dives into her protein shake. The gym had always been your safe space, the place you could run to, whether it being one of those days, one of those lonely nights, a mission not going too well or one of the guys annoying you. Most of the other guys would usually use the gym to train, let some anger out on one of the punching bags. To you, it had always been your source of safety and peace and sometimes you question whether it was silly, as after all it was only a gym. However, the only person beside you, treating the place with the same care and feeling the same sense of safety, is currently drinking her protein shake without a care in the world. Natasha.

You watch as she moves from the window back to the equipment, not having noticed your presence yet. Another smile makes it's way onto your features, as you remember seeing her in here for one of the first times, years ago. Her hair used to be shorter, the shade a slightly darker red. The first time you had seen her in here, Natasha for sure intimidated you. Of course knowing about the avengers and Black Widow from reading the stories and seeing her on television, however she undeniably scared you, as she seemed tough both on the inside and out. However, despite some initial holding back on her part, unsure about another woman on the team and also feeling a bit intimidated herself, the two of you quickly got to know each other better, spending many sessions in said gym together, getting to know more about your pasts on missions and sharing the same interests and humour.

She finally turns around, noticing a presence lingering by the door, for a moment she halts, not particularly in the mood for company, as the last few weeks had been filled with missions. However, as she glances up and notices your frame, a smile instantly greets you, the same smile she had reserved specifically for you, even though she wouldn't admit it and you had been too oblivious to notice. You watch as she smiles contently at you for a moment, almost as if she was relieved it’s you and not one of the others. She wasn’t in a talkative mood today, you could tell by her posture and her tense shoulders, that seem to relax when noticing you. Natasha could rely on you, always knowing the two of you can work beside each other without a lot of conversation, if it wasn’t needed. The Black Widow and you had always enjoyed the quiet moments, being in each other’s company, experiencing moments together and words exchanged without speaking. Neither of you needed talking to do that, a little smile an indication or rather a reassurance that either you or Natasha were okay. The smirks exchanged when in company of the others or across the dinner table, either one of you able to judge Steve's stupid jokes or thinking of inside jokes you and Natasha have, without letting the others share or in on your jokes.

Communication has many forms of expressing things, mostly by talking but you and Natasha had always found a different way to communicate. Mostly through mimics, glances and whispered confessions. Of course, that didn’t come naturally and it hasn’t always been this way. But throughout your years with the avengers, Wanda discovering you, finally agreeing to speak to Tony, you had grown close. After walking through the large doors at the compound for the first time, you finally understood Wanda's words and why she spoke so highly of this place. The instant feeling of home and belonging, after sharing a similar fate to Natasha, having been captured and mind controlled half of your life. You quickly became part of the avengers after training with Natasha and Clint, attending sessions at first but they could instantly tell you fit right in with them, your heart in the right place.

From the first training session, Natasha had known that you are destined for this. They allowed you time to arrive there, to get to know everyone, before fully training you to be able to control your abilities and what the organisation had put you through. Eventually, the redhead had asked you whether you wanted to join her on a mission, as she had talked to Tony and thought you were ready. Her offer came as a surprise but she had a feeling about you and it turned out to be right. The first mission was a big success, after all you had done this sorta stuff for your whole life, just playing for the wrong team. And from then on, you would regularly join Natasha and the avengers on missions, after becoming a liable asset to them, the Black Widow even offering you to train newer recruits together and it meant everything, considering you started out that same way.

Once again, you are snapped out of your thoughts, all the memories about joining this place and meeting Natasha slowly pushed into the back of your mind again, as her voice fills the room.

,,Are you just going to stand there?'' she jokes and just with those words, the redhead has your cheeks glowing red as if the sun coating it moments ago, left it burnt.

,,No.. sorry'' you chuckle, finally stepping into the gym, towards her.

,,Penny for your thoughts?'' she speaks again, still a little out of breath as she steps onto treadmill beside you. You simply act as if you didn't hear her, not too keen on sharing what you had gotten lost thinking about, before starting your warm up.

Natasha watches you intently, despite working out herself, having had a feeling lately that something was up with you, as you had been more lost in your thoughts. As she often finds you glancing into nothingness or staring right through her. And it was quite obvious that the redhead cared about you, despite her never admitting it. Natasha was mostly only really nice to you, due to the massive soft spot she has for you. And despite the others, especially Wanda mentioning it a few times, you simply brushed it off, assuming that neither of you could ever be more than friends.

Love had always been a stranger to you, it often felt like a missing piece in your life, seeing couples holding hands or intimate moments shared. However at some point you started to realize that love doesn’t necessary mean being in a relationship with someone or putting labels on something. To you, love had always been about feelings and expressing emotions towards someone, it didn’t need more than that. At some point you realized, that person, your soulmate is closer than you initially thought. For years, Natasha had been your mentor, despite teaching alongside you in the end and always treating you as an equal, however there was something else involved, something almost impossible to put into words.

Both you and Natasha developed a bond, a silent promise that no matter what happens, you would have each others back. Neither of you would let anyone speak bad about the other, often finding either you or Natasha argue with Steve or one of the younger recruits if they dare made a remark about the Black Widow or you. Neither of you would let the other one get hurt, both of you ready to take your last breath’s for one another at any moment given. It had happened once, an unexpected moment, a mission going sideways, the two of you caught in the crossfire before Natasha stepped in front of you, shielding you from the attack.

“How are you feeling?” she asks after a while and your gaze lingers on her, taking your eyes away from the treadmill screen for a moment.

You can’t help but take in her features again, your eyes not able to comprehend her beauty. She is wearing one of your favourite training outfits on her today, completely black, the colour complementing her features and curves perfectly. As you glance into her green eyes, they make you feel calm and at peace, just like they always would. Whether a mission scaring you, one of the guys annoying you, Tony pushing you and demanding too much. Her green eyes are always somewhere to be found, a silent understanding and promise that she had got you.

Of course you had questioned it, after all surely she couldn’t like you, or see you as anything more than being an avenger like her, teaching recruits alongside you and her always being able to rely on you. However throughout all of these years, getting to know Natasha, her dark and troubled past and the scars it had left on her soul, despite her smile and the desire to keep people safe, you realised something. After all, Natasha had given you what you always longed for, those warm smiles, those inside jokes, affection as she always placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder or held you after a tough mission. Her greeting you with a gentle smile or that specific smirk, being enough to make your heart beat faster. Nevertheless, there were nights, those nights where the moonlight would light up your bedroom at the compound, you gazing at the ceiling, wondering what it would feel like to feel her lips on yours, to wake up beside her and to feel her. You would always shake those thoughts away though, grateful to have her in your life, never feeling incomplete but you did wonder sometimes.

,,Out of breath, how about you?'' you joke, noticing her gaze on you, causing for her to shake her head in a playful way before snarkily remarking ,,Same''.

After the two of you finish, you finishing the pre workout and Natasha finishing for the day, she throws you a bottle of water as you sit beside each other, trying to catch your breaths again. Natasha avoids your gaze for a moment, parting her lips as if she wanted to speak. And you could tell, being able to read the redhead like a book at this point. ,,What's on your mind Romanoff?'' you ask, nudging her shoulder a little, to lighten up her serious features. ,,Nothing, I'm fine'' she brushes it off and you accept it, knowing if she was ready she would share what's on her mind.

,,Want some help?'' she asks after a while and you accept gratefully, as she lifts weights with you, impressed after noticing you can bench more and more now since first training you.

,,Natasha?'' you ask gently, after you finish your set with her. Her green eyes meet yours for a second and without words needed you can tell again something is on her mind, the pain and doubt very visible in her green orbs. It tears you apart, hating to see her in any kind of discomfort and knowing something is on her mind, clearly upsetting her. You wish you could fix her, make her smile again, throw silly jokes around, stop the pain, just like the many times she had done the same for you.

“What’s going on? please be honest” you plead, your voice breaking in the second half of your sentence. She averts your gaze again, biting the inside of her mouth as if she was trying to bite the words back, keeping herself from being honest with you.

“You can be honest with me, you know that right?” you try and reassure her, knowing the battle she is fighting in her head currently. She nods at your statement, knowing she can fully rely on you but something is still holding her back, maybe the fact she isn’t sure how to word what she is feeling, as she doesn’t completely understand it herself.

“It’s -” she finally parts her lips, the words trying to spill from her heart but the rational and stubborn Natasha still fighting to be quiet. “I’m here” you whisper, reassuring her yet again. Your hand wanders to her leg, gently swiping your thumb across it in a comforting manner, reassuring her that she can tell you anything, desperately wanting to make her feel better and stop the aching in her heart and your own, seeing her like this.

“Do you ever feel like there is something missing in your life Y/N?” she asks, suddenly the conversation turning more serious, her thoughts slightly trailing off and she allows herself to be honest and vulnerable around you, speaking her mind.

You swallow hard, the only thing to be heard for a moment the beating of your own heart as your mind instantly wanders to that feeling, as you know it too well, despite accepting long ago to be grateful for what you have instead of being upset over what you don’t have.

“Yes I know Tasha” you start “But I learned to understand to be grateful for the things that I have in my life” you explain and yet again your eyes lock, her brows furrowing for a second, before her lips part again.

“But don’t you ever miss anything?” she asks, unable to understand how you could be eternally grateful, without missing anything at all. After thinking about it for a moment you reply “I have everything I need, working here, the avengers, an amazing family here and yo-” you stop yourself, not sure whether naming her of things you need, being too much or too direct in this moment.

“What about love?” she whispers, completely snapping you out of any thoughts, waking you up like a slap from reality. “Lo- love?” you ask, stumbling over your words and locking eyes with the redhead. She nods, a statement of both reassuring you, you heard correctly but also begging you to explain.

“I have love in my life, Nat, it might be a different kind but I’m so grateful” you explain, feeling confident as she started the subject and conversation in the first place and part of you feeling like this being your only chance to ever have an open conversation about this with her.

“But - do you ever wish it wasn’t hidden or silent?” she asks her accent slightly showing, taking you by surprise yet again with her statement. Her eyes haven’t left yours for a second, your hearts beating in synch, as all the silence is finally about to be broken, your feelings open for each other to understand.

“There is still love in the silence Tasha” you reassure her. You watch as her demeanour changes for a moment, as if she just realised what words are being said, for a moment you fear she won’t allow the conversation to go further, maybe getting up and walking out or maybe changing the subject, but yet again the redhead takes you by surprise.

“I just-” you find her stumbling over her words, the usual confident woman faltering under her walls breaking down in front of you. Before you can finish the conversation however, Steve stumbles into the gym, getting both of your attention as he informs you Tony needed you both for an urgent mission. You watch as she grabs her things, before following after you and your eyes don't leave hers for a moment as you wish this conversation could have finished, as you had been so close to finally get there after all these years.

Hours later, the quinjet hums softly as it soars through the night sky, carrying the team of Avengers to the next mission. Lately, the missions had been a lot as Tony had been determined to find the base of a secret organisation specialising in the newest weapons and technology. As you glance around the quinjet, you look at their features, being able to tell they had been tired, worn out and in desperate need for a break.

Sitting across from Natasha, the dim light casts shadows that dance across her face. The team was focused, despite the tiredness on their features, also determination, each of them mentally preparing for what lays ahead. However, you couldn't help but steal glances at the redhead. You could tell she was also tired, despite that same expression on her mind from before. And you hate that Steve interrupted you when he did as you wonder where the conversation may have gone. She can't help but give you a reassuring smile as her eyes lock with yours for a brief moment before Tony interrupts the peace and quiet.

,,We are approaching the drop zone'' he announces, standing tall in his Iron Man suit. ,,Everyone ready?'' he confirms before the team nods in unison.

The atmosphere shifts to one of anticipation and readiness, the earlier tiredness quickly vanishing from their determined features. You are quick to check your gear one last time, feeling the familiar rush of adrenaline. This mission was crucial and you all knew the importance of it, this being the last puzzle piece you needed to complete this whole operation and defeat and expose them once and for all. Which also meant, there was no room for error, no room for you to get distracted due to having Natasha by your side or the others after working hard for the last few weeks in a row.

As the moon illuminates the enemy compound, you and the team descend, everything going to plan at first. Tony cleared the way using his technology, allowing you access before you all split up, everyone having their respective individual tasks on this mission. Tony working on hacking into the compounds database and collecting the necessary data. Clint and Natasha working on taking out any guards to clear the way for the others, while Steve and you needed to find out more about the weapons and technology they store here and how they managed to access the materials and resources as Tony had discovered, they certainly didn't come from earth.

As you and the team entered the foreign compound, everything seemed to go according to plan as you communicated over your coms. Until it didn't- alarms blaring loudly, chaos quickly erupting as more enemy forces swarm the area. More than either of you could have seen coming, more than either of you could take on with the amount of people on this mission. Natasha and Clint fight vigorously, clearing the path for Tony and making sure he could access what he needed without interruptions. Steve and you in the meantime fighting the troops that try to keep their secrets hidden and rid you of your presence in their base.

However, the odds are overwhelming, as whenever you manage to fight most of them away, another group of them arrives, keeping you on your tired feet. Eventually, you find yourself separated from the team, pinned down by heavy fire. Your heart pounds as you fire back, but you knew you couldn't hold out much longer. Suddenly, Natasha appears at your side, as if she was able to feel your struggling. Her movements a blur of lethal precision as she dispatches the attackers, making one after one fly to the nearest wall and knocking them unconscious.

,,Tha- Thank y-ou Tasha'' you breathe out, struggling to stay on your feet and keep your breathing under control. Her eyebrows furrow as she watches your struggling state, you never usually one to get tired on these kind of missions. She worries then, whether you may have gotten injured or if one of them hit you too hard after seeing you from a little further away as she tried to make her way to you, seeing some of the heavy hits and blows you had to endure.

,,Woah, are you alright there?'' she asks, her voice filled with a hint of seriousness and concern. ,,All fine'' you reassure, as she places her hand on your shoulder, trying to keep you up on your feet.

For a moment, everything seems to stand still, the attackers finally gone, the mission seemingly complete as you hear Tony mention something about hacking into their data and getting all the important information. As you glance at the attackers on the floor through your blurry vision, you suddenly notice something out of the corner of your eyes, one of them moving his hand to the gun abandoned on the floor, before you can react aiming at Natasha who still stands there, taking in your features and holding you up.

,,Look out'' you shout, freeing yourself from her grasp before using your last strength to push her out the way and throwing yourself in front of the redhead. With a loud sound and a piercing pain, everything goes quiet, Natasha's screams muffling out as she quickly takes him out.

,,Y/N'' she instructs, kneeling over your form. ,,Keep your eyes open for me'' she pleads, as you look up at her through your blurry vision yet again. She calls for backup in an instant, giving them the exact location and keeping pressure on the wound from the bullet that had entered you, the blood pouring and staining your uniform.

,,You need to look at me detka'' she instructs and you try your hardest, battling the fight of unconsciousness taking over before your lips part slightly. ,,Tasha I-'' you try but she quickly shushes you ,,No don't try to speak, you're okay'' she speaks again, her voice now filled with panic as her hands stain in blood, quicker than she can stop the bleeding.

,,I need to- tell you'' you struggle, as you squeeze her hand tighter, ushering her to look at you. ,,Nat- I- I love- you'' you struggle through your words and you can't see her reaction, both the shock and sadness written across her features as your eyes finally close, your strength staying just how long you needed it, to finally tell her what had been on your mind all this time.

,,No Y/N, not like this'' she instructs as the others arrive, quickly taking your form into their arms and carrying you to the quinjet, making sure to speed through the night sky in order to get you back to the compound and to med bay as soon and quickly as possible. Natasha remains by your side the entire time, her features tense as she couldn't be more angry at you, giving your health away for something so stupid, despite her having done the same in the past and your admission finally confirming what she hadn't only been thinking for a while but also feeling for years. You loved her and there was no doubt about her loving you too, especially seeing you on the brink of this thing, telling you over and over again to keep hanging on.

The next time your eyes force open, you find yourself in the unfamiliar surroundings of med bay. So far you had actively avoided it, other than your necessary routine checkups. Everything is white and bright and so your eyes quickly close again, before the feeling returns to your body, at first being able to feel a stinging pain, before feeling something holding on tight to your left hand. As you force your eyes open again, trying to determine the source, you find Natasha sitting beside you, her eyes closed as she had been by your side for hours, sleep finally washing over her, her hand still protectively holding yours nevertheless.

You can't help but smile, not quite remembering what happened exactly before passing out. Remaining silent, you simply rest, trying to shuffle a little trying to get comfortable, not wanting to wake her. However, Natasha was awake in an instant, her eyes snapping open and relief washing over her as she sees you awake. ,,Hi there'' she smiles warmly as she finds your eyes on her. ,,Hi'' you mumble, your voice still hoarse from the medication and pain lingering on your body.

,,How are you feeling?'' she asks, her voice serious as she observes you a little further.

,,Bruised'' you smile, causing the redhead to chuckle and roll her eyes playfully.

,,No shit'' she remarks with a raised eyebrow ,,That's what happens when taking a bullet for me'' she speaks, her tone laced in the slightest disapproval.

,,I'll always take a bullet for you Tash'' and she smiles then, being able to tell the drugs are still in your system a little.

,,You're an idiot'' she smiles, letting go off your hand to offer you some water and more painkillers that Bruce had left there for you.

After taking them as instructed, you keep looking at her and it's that same look you had when confessing your love and Natasha can't help but feel the same feeling in her chest, having wanted to tell you since you fell asleep in her arms after the bullet had hit you. ,,I'm sure you won't remember this by tomorrow but just for the record I love you too'' she whispers, barely audible as your eyes keep closing, still feeling tired from the drugs and painkillers.

,,You- love me?'' you ask surprised and she can't help but chuckle before pressing a kiss to your forehead. ,,Yes detka, now sleep'' she instructs. ,,We'll talk about this another time''. And as your eyes force closed yet again, the smile remains lingering on your face, as her words sink in, knowing that now the two of you wouldn't have to keep loving each other in silence. And Natasha looks forward to have you awake again soon, being able to love each other fully.

#natasha romanoff #natasha romanov #scarlett johansson #black widow #marvel #avengers #black widow x reader #Natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x reader #mcu #avengers: infinity war #avengers : endgame #natasha romonova #natasha x reader #avengers x reader #scarlett johansson x reader #Scarlett johansson

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0w0tsuki · 2 days

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I think it's important to note Death of the Author and Authorial Intent when discussing the transness of Chihiro from daganronpa. I've talked about it in reblogs but I wanted my own post. A lot of people confuse the two and in the case of old school Chihiro transmisoginists purposely create a new definition.

People seem to be under the impression that death of the impression a lot of the time that Death of The Author means "If I don't like what the author has to say I can just ignore it and say it didn't happen or Miku wrote it or something" which is a true statement but it's not the definition. And people who still comment "him*" on any fan post that uses she/her for Chihiro in 2024 define Authorial Intent as "The creator of every work writes with a specific intent and if you disagree with anything the author says you are WRONG and NOT a TRUE fan!" which not only isn't true but doesn't account for if the author's vision is even worth defending.

This is why there was such a nuclear meltdown over Bridget's trans confirmation and why it took them so long to get out of the translation conspiracy retcon bad ending phase before they moved on to trying to co-opt leftist language to make it about "femboy representation". Because it was the first time the author of one of their darling femboys didn't agree with them and they couldn't use "facts don't care about your feelings" to harass trans positive people.

But actually Authorial Intent is just a term to refer to "what did the author mean when they wrote this?" and is actually a part of Death of the Author which means "No matter what the Author says they approach every work with their own biases and that affects the work. So in order to understand the work you must understand the author so you can understand how their worldview bleeds into the work."

When people talk about Death of the Author in reference to H.P. Lovecrafts racism they don't mean "Well HP was a racist so you can just ignore him and write Cuthulu however you want." they mean "HP's racism is very prevalent in his works and viewing how he describes the monsters in his world gives insight to the times prejudices.". HP's works are actually a very effective tool in learning how bigotry affects horror.

Now to see where I'm going here is that Kodaka is a massive transmisogynist. Not only is there everything that is going on in DR1 chapter 2, but there's also his newest work which depicts a male character who dresses up as a girl for the explicit purpose of tricking girls to and sexually take advantage of them, there's Sakura who's in the same game as Chihiro whose character design the Spikechunsoft team initially didn't approve of but Kodaka got through under the guise of "body positivity" only to turn around and make her the butt of "woman who is ugly because she looks like a man" jokes for the entirety of her screentime, hell the only character who ever displays any positivity for trans women (which is transmed at best) is Tenko Cabashira who herself is a standin for Kodaka's misogynistic/lesbiphobic idea of "Man Hating feminazi Dyke".

Chihiro is a trans woman not because the work literally says she is which is what the criteria is for transmisogynists. She's a trans woman because she represents what trans women are to Kodaka. To Kodaka they are at best confused boys who just don't know that they are "allowed to be feminine", at neutral they are good jokes to get a quick laugh, at worst they are predators who prey on young girls, and anyone who supports them is a raging feminazi who probably grew up in a cave.

It's why after we had the incredible uncomfortable corpse investigation every student automatically switched to he/him without so much as a discussion to how Chihiro would want to be referred is because to the author there is no discussion. To the author your genitals are your gender (See also the "transmed at best" Tenko final FTE where will be cool with Suichi as long as he becomes a girl which of course involves getting The Surgery™) and Chihiro's genital reveal is instead this harsh truth of reality that the characters are supposed to feel exposed and lied to about, even the character who is the target of Kodaka's transmisogynistic humor.

This is why it requires a real stretch of the imagination to pull Transmasc Chihiro out of this story because Chihiro is not barred from masculinity in any way, shape, or form. Masculinity is actually expected of her and she is punished with bullying for not performing it. Chihiro does not feel pressure to present feminine, Chihiro is pressured to perform masculinity and her feminine presentation is written as an easy escape from that expectation. Because to Kodaka, Chihiro represents the trans women he views as failed men whose motivation for transitioning is a convenient escape from having to meet the rigorous standards of toxic masculinity. When the secrets are threatened to be revealed, Chihiro does not pursue masculine presentation out of some desire to finally be seen as a man, but out of desperation to not be seen as weak and exploitable when her secret is exposed.

I don't know how to segway from that into this so I'm just going to say. The next time some femboy fascist tries to butt their heads in to "Um Akctually" about a trans woman's existence do not attempt to argue "well actually she IS a trans woman in canon" because unless the character in question is specifically Bridget Guilty Gear, chances are the author is going to be on their side. And even in the case of Bridget, the ones that are still arguing for "canon femboy" Bridget are the ones who never moved on from the mistranslation conspiracy stage of denialism. No amount of pointed official interviews, dialogue, or official wikis is going to convince them because in their mind Daiuske is a turbocuck who is either capitulating or has been brainwashed by the woke West and has forcefully taken the reins to retcon the true author's authentic vision.

If you're going to engage with them which by the way I don't recommend you doing. But let's just pretend you have to. Let's just pretend you're a popular YouTuber which never presented that you have progressive views who unknowingly drew in these people into your fanbase who had a very vocal transmisogynistic reaction to a transfem headcannon. So in this completely imaginary scenario you need to challenge them on their transmisogyny. Ask them why the "correct" interpretation of the work is worth defending and harassing people over.

As the Bridget denialism has shown, these people are VERY dependent on the work agreeing with them because it allows for them to argue correctness without having to deal with such silly little complications as "morals" or "values". They are completely unequipped to defend their transmisogyny because they are so used to using their idea of "Authorial Intent" as a rhetorical crutch and most of the time DO NOT WANT their transmisogyny to be called out as such. It's why when left with no convincing way to deny Bridget's trams existence the ones that DID pivot decided to pivot to taking leftist arguments and swapping some of the words out to make their arguments SOUND progressive. Because they felt that if they couched themselves in leftist sounding language then that would be enough to convince people that they weren't violent reactionaries but were instead GNC men who were expressing loss over valuable representation. Which is just bullshit considering it's just the transfem version of "we're losing our tomboys!" transphobic arguments that people are pretty quick to pick up on but since targets of these arguments were trans women we had genuine queers who were sympathizers and parroting talking points of "While you can't be mad over new Transfem representation you can't fault them for expressing sadness over losing a positive role model for GNC cis men"

Just don't play the "well actually" game with fascists if you can avoid it

#daganronpa #tenko chabashira #chihiro fujasaki #sakura ogami #transmisogyny #the author is dead #authorial intent #bigotry in fiction #trans chihiro #trans bridget #bridget gg #bridget guilty gear #guilty gear bridget #guilty gear

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actual-changeling · 14 hours

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you wrote "people need to stop romanticizing manipulative and abusive behaviour". And what about the wall scene? It's OK to romanticizing it because it's Crowley and he can do no wrong?

Anon, your phrasing makes it seem like you're not necessarily asking this question in good faith, but I will give you the benefit of the doubt since tone can be hard to read.

Either way, there are a lot of differences between that scene and how Aziraphale constantly behaves towards Crowley.

You can interpret that interaction in a number of ways yet for simplicity's sake, let's narrow it down to two main ones:

a) Crowley is doing something to Aziraphale

b) Crowley is reacting to Aziraphale's behaviour

The difference should be obvious—consent.

Even though it might seem like it on a first or even nth watch, Crowley grabbing him and pushing him against the wall does not come as a surprise to Aziraphale nor is he unprepared. His intention is not to hurt him, he makes sure Aziraphale doesn't actually hit the wall and can put his hands behind himself to decide how close he wants to get to it.

He lets Aziraphale finish his sentence despite the several pauses in-between words, meaning he is waiting for Aziraphale to finish his move so he can then react. Before this one, we had the paintball scene, which already nudged their current dynamic in a specific direction.

Aziraphale is not afraid of Crowley or tense in any shape or form; he's allowing Crowley to move him, he's relaxed and doesn't feel threatened. He WANTED him to react the way he did and is visibly annoyed when they get interrupted.

Whatever exactly they have going on, it's probably the most consensual and aware interaction we ever see them have.

So, again, this is not Crowley doing something to Aziraphale, it's a back and forth with non-verbal consent. If you watch the scene, you'll see that Aziraphale even steps right in front of Crowley so he's between him and the wall. There's is nothing that points towards Crowley doing anything Aziraphale does not want, because Crowley knows how important boundaries are.

Or, to really break it down, Aziraphale is consenting to what Crowley is doing and saying.

Whenever Aziraphale treats Crowley like shit, though, Crowley is NOT consenting to that. He is enduring it because Aziraphale would otherwise get upset, blame him, give him the silent treatment, and/or manipulate and/or guilt trip him. We've seen him do literally all of these during their first argument in season 2 in the back of the bookshop.

It's alright to romanticize the wall slam scene because it IS romantic, Crowley and Aziraphale are romanticizing it themselves right there and then.

It's not okay to romanticize how Aziraphale manipulates and insults Crowley because it's non-consensual (it's literally emotional and verbal abuse/abusive behaviour) and causes actual harm to Crowley.

If you don't see the difference now, then I really can't help you anymore.

#alex answers asks #alex talks good omens #good omens #crowley #aziraphale #good omens season 2 #go2 #crowley x aziraphale #ineffable spouses #ineffable divorce #the final fifteen #good omens meta

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mourningliliesmorningglories · 19 hours

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"It’s haunting to know that you still cry for something today that you also cried for 15 years ago."

Umm idk if this is too personal but would you break down why you gave each marauder the line that you did?

For some reason, Sirius' really stuck with. Literally I can't stop thinking about it.

If there was an award for best ask anon, I think you would win!!! I love when people ask about the intricacies of my writing because I just feel like everything that I write is so deeply personal to me!

This will be quite long as I think the best way to tackle this is to address each one with its context and then how I relate it to each marauder. So buckle in!!!

Anything underlined is referencing my other writing and will be linked!

See the original post here!

James: Two lives cannot overlap - one must be forgiven to forge the other.

So I wrote this about the rivers of the Underworld in Greek mythology, in a wider piece of writing on coping with grief. It refers specifically to the river Lethe, the river of forgetting, where souls drink from it to forget their life before being reincarnated. I have mixed feeling about James as a character - on one hand as a young boy he's incredibly privileged to the point of almost ignorance but then is forced into a war he cannot fight and reasonably win. In a way this line can be applied to James in two ways: 1) he had to grow up to cope with the rapidly changing world he'd been basically thrown into and 2) harry could never defeat Voldemort if his parents were still alive. James and lily had to die so harry would have nothing to lose.

Sirius: It’s haunting to know that you still cry for something today that you also cried for 15 years ago.

Okay so this was written in the same piece as above, in reference to a childhood memory. I cried for comfort but no one could come to me. No one chose to comfort me in that moment. I think we all have moments where we think 'I need my mum' or something similar but at it's core, its a plea for comfort - you want to be held, cradled, for the burden to be taken away. Sirius Black was denied affection as a child, denied love as an adult and then denied his life when he fell through The Veil. He had his friends as support but he also had to stare at James and Effie, Remus and Hope. He had moments where he needed parental love, where he felt like he would die without it. He was denied the chance to make sure Harry never experienced that, and when he did get the chance, it was ripped away almost immediately.

Remus: It is strange to cling onto remnants of someone who is no longer there.

This was written about losing someone and still having to live amongst their things. Everything is normal except the person is gone. It's describing that moment when you walk into a room and you feel their presence, like you're in the living room and it's so easy to convince yourself they're in the kitchen, but they aren't. The space they left behind is empty. I think with Remus, again it can apply in two ways: 1) himself - his whole identity is basically fed to him through the label of 'werewolf', the Order use him as a monster to tame a bigger beast. He is constantly mourning. In Hogwarts, he mourns his younger self. In the Order, he mourns the teenage, full of life, naive version of him. As an adult he mourns every version of himself - they trail behind him like a ball and chain. 2) everyone he loses - Remus outlives his best friends, and even the one he gets back, oh god he got him back but at what cost? Remus is a walking graveyard.

Peter: In every story, someone has to leave. This is not a burden taken lightly, nor is it one that can be shared.

I wrote this about Caesar and Brutus. When Caesar died, so did Brutus. As Brutus lives, so does Caesar. Today when one is mentioned, the other rarely goes unnamed. Brutus orchestrates the murder of Caesar because he fears his ambition and the ruin it will bring to Rome. Peter is both Caesar and Brutus. He fears Voldemort enough to do his bidding only because he's never had such power before. We see exactly how Peter's loyalty is manipulated - he felt more important to Voldemort then he did to his friends and so his loyalty changed accordingly.

Lily: The sunflowers turn to the light, but the sun will never recognise their presence.

Growth is difficult to justify in a non-physical sense. This was inherently about being an observer in my own life. We do things that have unremarkable impacts until one day the fallout of our actions are so grand we cannot outrun them. In terms of Lily, I do think in hindsight this may be more relevant to her characterisation moreso than her character. She is often represented as just a vessel to carry Harry and is overlooked as a complex character and a key member of the Order. James forgot his wand on the sofa - she protected Harry. She was an incredibly smart witch - she was, is, more than just her offspring. Treat her accordingly.

Regulus: One day we all realise that the first thing we lose is ourselves.

My earliest memory is a hospital visit and a funeral. We do not realise that the process of growth is intertwined with the ritual of loss. You are allowed to mourn the person you used to be. Death isn’t exclusive to those burned or bombed or buried. Regulus loses his brother then he loses himself. He has a role to play as the prodigal son. He is actively cutting himself open and stitching himself back up to fit seamlessly into the mould his parents have created for him. He watched Sirius fail, so he couldn't. Maybe he did believe in blood supremacy at first or maybe the whole thing was a ploy to try and grasp at the power and autonomy he'd grievously been denied his entire life. Regulus knew himself so well he'd buried the body undetectably.

Pandora: Nobody talks of death lightly. Nobody talks of what it tends to leave behind.

We obsess over death - how to prevent it, how to cope with it, how to be clinical about it. Yes a person dies and we are left with the aftermath - clothes, shoes, pictures, their tea in the cupboard, hair still in the brush. But obviously, a person dies. People are complexes - the most inherent part of death to me is how a person can just end. With Pandora, this sits within the realm of the HC that she is a seer. She must standby and watch the people she loves die twice - once in her head and once in real life. She must watch over her friends and loved ones and grieve them as she lives alongside them. To her, a heart is just a stopwatch.

Evan: He carried on with his journey but made time to be part of mine.

I met an old man who told me that at the end of the day, you do wish you could it all over again. That we are often ungrateful until we lose the thing, then all we want is to get it back. Evan Rosier cherished everything; his sister, his friends, his childhood. But this made him so weary of loss. He was possessive and sometimes cruel. He would do anything to keep what was important to him, even join a blood supremacy cult to keep his best friends and sister safe. When you die, they say you get seven minutes to rewatch the happiest moments. When Evan Rosier dies, he sees Barty and Reg and Pandora.

Barty: You can love something that does not exist anymore. Something that has never existed cannot be loved.

This one is slightly harder to explain. I believe it to be human nature to chase the things that we have only had a taste of. You cannot want something you do not know. Though I do wonder if this is more an act of conditioning than something inherently of nature. To cognise something is to give it a reality, whether this be a thought, an idea or a notion. Barty Crouch Jr was a waste of potential. 12 OWLs. 4 languages. He could've been whatever he wanted. You can assume he was unsuccessful in fulfilling his potential - unless he wanted to be dead. And who can blame him with a father like that. Barty had to fabricate everything - would lick up his father's approval like a dog until the day he realised none of it actually mattered.

Dorcas: All prior things are made of shards, of tatters. All prior things look different in the daylight.

Past lives are just that. Past, nonexistent. Windows are walls. Shields are not always protective. Dorcas Meadows was hunted and slaughtered by Voldemort himself. She, obviously, was a threat. A smart, cunning, powerful witch who made the Dark Lord himself worry just how successful he'd be if she remained alive. But none of this mattered from the second she hit the floor, heart slowing down, eyes closing. She was not the priest's favorite sacrificial lamb. She wasn't even a sacrifice.

Marlene: One day I will sit in an urn, and I too will be smaller than the day I arrived.

I wrote this about not rushing through life. It was about savoring moments and people and the ephemeral. Marlene was the casanova - wanted by all but touched by few. Her bloodline dies when she dies next to her brother. Filled with potential and life, even the brightest stars will fade away. Sacrifice is often forgotten, drawn over, especially if it isn't grand. Not quite the brightest witch of her generation, nor pretty enough to get the one person she truly wanted.

Mary: I wonder if forgetting is betrayal or if it’s a favour, a privilege of rest.

I was wondering whether remembering people disturbed the process of dying. We don't know of an afterlife or what happens after you die. Does reminiscing drag a soul away from rest? I hold the HC that Mary obliviated herself near and dear. In this way, it's just another person coping with loss. I think because it's so deeply personal, it's very difficult to express in words.

Andromeda: We learn that just because one person escapes the inevitable, the other does not.

I wrote this about Orpheus and Eurydice. It's a story I adore and it's also often misunderstood. This is why it’s a tragedy, and why love often is a tragedy - loss is inevitable. In the case of Orpheus and Eurydice, he loved her enough to try and save her. He loved her so much that he couldn’t. Andromeda is the survivor - survives her upbringing, survives a war, outlives her family. She takes in Teddy even though he's a glaring reminder of her daughter and every moment of a past she tried to outrun.

Narcissa: Love is always a choice, even when we make the wrong one.

Again, this is from me writing about Orpheus and Eurydice. Their story was never about retrieval or righting a wrong. Even if Eurydice had been returned, she was a ghost. This was always a story about saying goodbye. Oh I could lament about Narcissa for days. She is her own greatest tragedy. She was the model child out of her sisters. She lived the ideal trajectory and suffered for it. Obedience and cunning were bred into her. She couldn't save her husband, her house, her sisters or her son. Narcissa lived her life always saying goodbye, wishing she could instead say 'stay'.

Bellatrix: Sometimes, it feels like I have been exiled from my life and no one has thought to tell me.

This was written about nostalgia, and living like a stranger in your own life. It's about the means and ways and things we do to gain some semblance of control back into our lives. Bellatrix has always been a very interesting character to me. She upholds her pure blood upbringing, marries a pure blood and yet she strives for more. She becomes a deatheater and makes herself so valuable to Voldemort, she becomes an intrinsic part of his inner circle. She outshines her husband and sisters - she is the patriarch.

Anon. I hope this answers your question! If you'd like further details on any of these please send me another ask or DM! I'd love to hear your thoughts instead of scribing mine!

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writingquestionsanswered · 2 days

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Hi,

I'm an amateur novelist working on two books, and I'm close to finishing the first one. The problem is, I wrote it without dividing it into chapters. Could you kindly offer guidance on how to effectively divide my manuscript into chapters? Thank you for your time.

Have a lovely day - Annie💌💌

Dividing a Manuscript into Chapters

Chapters are made up of one to three scenes, so really what you're looking to do is find the scenes and group them together into chapters.

Scenes are like mini-stories that have their own central character, conflict or dilemma, and beginning/middle/end. A scene tends to take place within a relatively small interval of time, in a specific location. A scene ends when one of the following things happen:

-- the scene conflict is either resolved, leads to a setback, or creates a new question that the reader will want to have answered

-- the scene dilemma is resolved and leads to a decision (that must later be acted upon)

-- there is a big change in time (a few hours)

-- there is a big change in venue (biology class to gym class)

-- the POV character needs to change

So, the first thing you need to do is read through your story and break it up into its individual scenes using the information above. Once you have your scenes marked out, you can start grouping related scenes into chapters.

The scenes within a chapter should feel related in some way and will usually take place within related locations and a relatively short period of time.

Let's look at some theoretical scenes:

Scene 1 - Mindy is at the breakfast table with her family talking about her first day a t a new school.

Scene 2 - Mindy meets Jake on the bus and he agrees to be her tour guide for the day.

Scene 3 - Jake meets Mindy in the cafeteria at lunch and shows her around the school after they eat.

Scene 4 - the next afternoon, Mindy is in her backyard and has a video call with her sister where she talks about her new friend Jake.

Scene 5 - Mindy gets a text from Jake after her call with her sister, and is then asked by her parents to babysit her smaller siblings.

Now, to group these scenes into chapters...

Scene one is in Mindy's POV and takes place at her home the morning of her first day at school. Scene two, also from Mindy's POV, takes place on the bus on the way to school, so a little later that same morning. These two scenes are closely related because they share a POV character, both have to do with Mindy's first day at school, and since the bus takes her from home to school, it's not a significant change in location from home. So, scene one and two can be in one chapter together.

In scene three, we switch to Jake's POV, and we're now in the middle of the school day and focused not on preparing for Mindy's first day of school but actually living it. So, we know we're going to start a new chapter here.

With scene four, we're back in Mindy's POV and it's the next afternoon. Since we've jumped to a new POV, a new day, and a new location, we know we're going to start a new chapter.

Scene five takes place shortly after scene four and in the same location (home), so we can group scene four and five into one chapter.

I hope that makes sense!

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ninesugars · 1 year

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some stories you’re like. the point was never ever ever the suffering. it was about the love that overcame. you understand

#higurashi #trigun #<- specifically about these two when i wrote this #bc i was thinking like. damn. gou/sotsu and stampede have a lot in common #where they both miss the point of the og story so much that it just becomes something else entirely #EVEN THE EVA REBUILDS TBH.#evangelion #yeah im tagging that too i guess. horray.#We cannot let them get to utena or cowboy bebop the world will fucking end. guys.#anyway sorry for rambling in the tags but you know how it js #💭

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averlym · 8 months

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miracle elixir, mortality fixer (insp)

#tw blood #context is the new 'in pursuit of a cloud' album by elliotly! the link to it is in the brackets above #my thoughts are... generally incoherent but i liked it #this entire ??art thing?? is based on vibes but specifically from 'drink up!' which is maybe? my favourite song from it. so fun #<<drink up!>> and <<when i'm immortal>> are from the same narrative in my mind what can i say!#/// ok enough rambles here's the Main Points so future me can remember what was going on visual-wise feel free to ignore #2 hearts bc two sided// affection vs murder attempt #physical heart bc even though not this song-specific the others do have the imagery of organs and stuff #+ again the innate repulsion w internal body parts vs cutesy heart imagery (on the tag) (fight!!)#+ biological immortality -> physical body #sparkly pink (unnatural) pt 1 vs reddish pink (red base =blood + white for pinks) pt 2// differences in hues #the more purple-ish pink in (1) also began from the <when i'm immortal> lyric video #// hovering ie. magic vs encased (thinking maybe about guns and murder weapons in history museums)#droplet running down side in (1)- can be potion or blood; made it red enough for either /vs/ blood stains in the case and on the tag in (2)#bottle is significantly emptier/ potion not so clearly There in (2); implying usage #frame in (2) was meant to be gold for royalty but it went to rose gold for cohesiveness #about the caption.. went to find a lyric from the song after + this fit all too well #miracle elixir is (1) and in (2) the Implications vibe in my head as a poison as something that induces death #of sorts. ie. fixes mortality #...halfway through this i was Convinced it was awful and wrote out a whole complaint letter to myself. and then in the midst of listing #the parts i didn't like. i understood what was the main issue. and that made it fixable asdfghjkl it's a very strange way to not give up

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thevioletcaptain · 1 year

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do fandom people realize that gleefully firing off mean little zingers at the socially accepted online target of the week for clicks is functionally identical to the way high school bullies use cruelty for clout, or do they lack that level of self awareness?

#i am TIRED #i have unfollowed/blocked so many fandom people lately #because the way they sling nasty comments around as soon as they think they can get away with it #tells me everything i need to know about the kinds of people they are #like it's always obvious when someone has cruel impulses they've just been waiting for the chance to indulge without consequences #when they can pretend that they're ''punching up'' because their target is ostensibly higher up the social foodchain #but the insults/comments/meanspirited jokes are all rooted in queerphobia or racism or ableism or misogyny or classism etc #and therefore do more harm to others than to the person they're theoretically aiming at #like... i see you #(this isn't about anything current or specific btw)#(wrote this post a month or two ago and just found it in my drafts)#(but the point stands because i've definitely continued to encounter the same shit)#fandom problems #wank adjacent

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enhanced-operatives-division · 2 months

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Junicrane/Starstruck Ramble

I will not be brief, all under the cut

To clear some things right off the bat:

No corpse, no proof with Juniper. Obligatory this is set in a canon where he's alive and adjacent to the agency in some way.

Reggie & Juniper are just gay to me, but I don't mind any interpretation of their sexuality

The games are set in 1967/68 to me (based on a couple bits in game) which is before it was legal to be gay in America at least (1971), which is relevant to how I interpret canon as being somewhat grounded in reality, despite unrealistic elements.

This is just an insane amount of headcanons/elements of and AU all culminated into one post. I will talk about some headcanons like they're just facts because they are established in my head, and it saves me over explaining literally everything, however I will explain some parts a little bit for clarity.

Alright. Actual beginning of the ramble:

Juniper is a character to me who had gotten so lost in his job as an actor and a social presence that in the end his whole life revolved around that 'role'. Because of this, by the time he's put into the situation where he's around the Agency, he basically knows nothing about himself, though he doesn't realise at first. Furthermore, what little identity he had has changed in so many ways. He's no longer a beloved famous actor in the prominence of public light, he's legally dead and he tarnished his career just before he was supposed to die, with the bonus of that making him lose the majority of his estate. From that, he also has horrific facial scarring from the electrical burns from literally having his face fried. I believe a friend of mine made a post about this a while ago (I also think they were the first to think it up also), but, to me, Juniper has a permanent trimmer in his right arm (aka his dominant hand) from the electrical current and it is messing with his nervous system.

All in all, he's not doing great, but he's too proud to admit that he's not doing great, because if anything, what's left of his ego is all he has as a defense since he's deep in unfamiliar water.

Before ending up around the agency (I have multiple interpretations of this, so I'm just going to bring it up generally), he'd never actually seen Reggie, and his only impression of him is a single voicemail, which was his only reference he had to later impersonate him. Juniper probably has very little feelings other than the ones he projects onto him because of Phoenix and that, at the very least, he's physically attracted to Reggie to some degree (that's like the beginning of how everything else would tumble into place in this sort of interpretation at least).

And on Crane's side? His feelings towards Juniper are probably very intense and muddled. On the one hand, he adores musical theatre, and that's his now ex-favourite actor. The thought of just casually being around him blows the bit of fanboy in him away at first because THAT'S the GUY, plus the inklings of a celebrity crush which still poke at him. And then there's the rational side of him, which knows Juniper has committed absolute atrocities on the side of Zoraxis, and hates him for that. Then there's how much Juniper comes off as an asshole at first because he refuses to cooperate with anything the Agency tried to put in place. He finds Juniper endlessly frustrating, and yet he's stuck working with him since, afterall, he's the one who knows the Agency's history with Juniper the best. I imagine him acting a lot like how he does IEYTD 1 around Juniper.

At this point, I'm just describing the pitch for a romcom.

I think the start of their relationship with one another largely started with Juniper trying to wind Crane up. It was a way of getting his attention, and I don't think Juniper knows why he's so dead set on that at first, because I don't think he realises he has a crush on 'this grump' at first. (I think that's actually the fun part about these two, because it's almost like a role reversal of the celebrity crush dynamic. This ex-big name actor has a TERRIBLE crush on an average joe and it is KILLING HIM.) But of course the Agency keeps them together because Juniper is at least conversing with Crane, so it's a start.

Through one way or another, they actually get talking casually, at least mildly at first. It takes Juniper a long time to fully deconstruct the wall he's built, and the thing is, Crane isn't the one trying to deconstruct it, at least at first, because yeah, Juniper realises if he wants Reggie to actually like him in any way, he can't keep winding him up. So they talk. Small talk at first, something rhythmic and almost easy to keep to a script. And over time that turns into actual conversations. Genuine ones in which Reggie rips out the occasional one of his jokes which Juniper is endlessly endeared about. The way he smiles just before he makes them, like he wants to chuckle at what he's about to say before he says it. That's probably when Juniper realised that he does have some vague crush on him, and that it wasn't going away.

This is what kickstarts John I can't-buy-you-things-to-impress-you-so-acts-of-service-it-is Juniper to do little things for him. It mostly starts off as him trying to make Reggie his tea how he likes it. However, the nerve damage in his arm makes that hard, as the weight of the kettle and trying to pour is hard all of a sudden. And he refuses to accept that, so he tries for a very long while. Long enough that Crane would go to investigate what was going on. And when he does see Juniper leaning over a cup with the kettle as he uneasily tries to pour it, and when Crane asks Juniper responds so matter-of-fact that his intention is nothing but genuine. And it catches Reggie off guard because Juniper hadn't done anything like that up to that point, and his very apparent vulnerability is so clearly on show.

It shifts something between them.

From that point on, conversations are longer, more familiar. Both of their attitudes soften, and Reggie makes more jokes. Juniper learns how to better use his left hand while strengthening his right back to a point where it could be used again. Slowly, they're both spending time with one another not because they have to, but just because they can. Little bits at first, not too far outside what they already were doing, but those little bits turned into long bits to a point where the other person's company was genuinely desirable.

As time passes, Juniper probably realises that he doesn't genuinely know much about himself or what hobbies he's into, because he never really had the time when he got big, and his home life in his youth wasn't bad, but it wasn't picturesque. I think Reggie would pick up on it, and absolutely try to introduce him to some things he's into. Some things stick, other things don't (corn husking very much stays Reggie's passion, and John will go with him sometimes because it's him, but it's not something he strongly cares for). Crane introduces him to a lot of music, and it's something that becomes a staple between them, with tracks they listen to more than others (tragically, I know relatively little about 60s music so I couldn't really say what). Occasionally they dance, never anything intense, think slow dancing, but the closeness is nice.

Through all of it, Juniper is battling the worst crush of his life, and he can't stand it, because I think he struggles to read people since he doesn't have anything like a script or a director to refer back to, so he has no idea if Reggie likes him back or if he's just desperate for that to be true. I think because of that any sort of confession between them would be incredibly raw, not only because of the time they live in making it hard for them to be truthful about how they love, but because it's a complete show of Juniper who's worked to be this better person. I don't exactly know how that would go, mainly because I don't have one set version of their dynamic, this post is just a generalisation of main consistent points.

Reggie does like him back, because he's gotten used to Juniper being just this guy, not a figure in the public eye, not a Zoraxis lackey, and not any sort of Agency operative (despite being under their care to some degree). He's someone he genuinely cares for, because they've given one another the time of day to learn one another, and I think because Reggie was a field agent, he was a lot better at reading Juniper than Juniper was at reading him. Eventually Juniper's company becomes something he could see around him for the rest of his life, and I think he accepts that he likes Juniper a lot more gracefully.

I think any affection directed at Juniper would at first be met with him feeling a little muddled. Reggie was a very physically affectionate person when he could be, and sure the initial flirting with one another came with the occasional little touches, but everything now was so deeply intentional. I also don't think Juniper would almost ever get over the novelty of being able to kiss him, or many other gestures, because it made the fact that they were together so very real, and it was great. I do think it comes easier to Reggie, and it's a big way of showing how much he cares, so it's important for Juniper to try and show it back because he knows how much it means to the other.

I like the idea of them eventually living with one another, too. I think Juniper would have always had a quiet little daydream of sorts where he does just live a domestic quiet life, and he can with Reggie (well, as close as they can get between the Agency and Zoraxis always being at odds), and he loves that, and he loves him, and it's immense.

I think they cook for one another a lot, it helps Juniper work on his dexterity in a controlled environment, which means a lot because it's a huge point of insecurity (that and his scars). He does improve, and Crane is proud of that and shows it and it's great. I also think they'd probably cook together too, because they can deal with being in the kitchen together and they work well with one another. It's probably a good way for them to unwind because over time they can do it in relative silence.

As I said before, I also think music is a staple in their household, and that Reggie listens to things on vinyl almost all of the time because he likes the background noise. Sometimes Juniper will catch him chuntering along to the music which he finds endlessly endearing. I wouldn't put it past his dramatic ass to also join in to fluster Reggie, but I also don't think Reggie would mind that terribly because Juniper has listened to the music enough to know the lyrics, and that's huge to him.

I don't think they are without rough patches, no relationship is, but I think the good part about them is that they're willing to talk about it (... eventually). They're used to long conversations, and while they're often less fun conversations, they're needed and they know that, and it works out.

Alright. I think I'm done for now. I haven't mentioned everything, but this definitely got the worst of it out of my system. If you ever want to hear any specific thoughts my ask box is open but other than that, behold my general dynamic for these two which has been festering in my head for years. I think they're great

#ty right-agent for explicitly telling me that this would be welcomed you a real one #i had a massive babble to my friend abt what if they all feed me to the hounds for speaking #and he said “girl that fandom is like 12 people big they need you to speak” and yeah that also helped #i have a hard time talking if I'm not asked/prompted to that's why i adding tags is great for me. that and i like the format #anyways.#THESE TWO.............dear lord can you tell I have been unwell abt them forever..#this is propeganda (/j) for them. btw. please you have to understand the potential here. it's so good.#it's slowburn <- my (probably) demiromantic ass cannot handle romance without a build up and this set up is perfect (it will never happen)#also i find it easier to write ANYTHING between these two from Juniper's perspective because i find it easier to get into his head #idk reggie is like the gay version of the: what is he thinking of? i could take a bear in a fight. audio ive heard.#whereas with juniper i have him trapped under a microscope #im going to tag this now so i can use the remaining tags to RANT #ieytd #john juniper #reginald crane #junicrane #starstruck #i expect you to die #<- being BRAVE!!!#when I get really excited i start getting like this internal shaking feeling and uh. yeah this rant started that #the worst part abt that is it also triggers my tourettes so like. double whammy. excited about blorbos? jail :(#but. yeah I uh. yeah. sorry this IS so long..I did warn but . AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHAUUUUUUAHHHHHHHHHHHHH #also i did this rant in 2 parts. last night and this morning so yeah uh. yeah.#god im so messed up about these two #make me a boat by the family crest came on while wroting this and while it's mainly a roxanix song to me......AUUUUUG.....#i struggle to find music for these sillies because they have such a specific vibe to me amd I've not quite managed to find something which -#- genuinely feels correct for them and it drives me up the WALL #GOD NIGHT SHIFT JUST CAME OF SHUFFL.....all my ieytd songs are coming out to drive me up the wall.......#FINISHED I've been adding tags as I've gone alonga #thank you for reading hope you enoyed and if you didn't im sorry

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sparring-spirals · 1 year

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uhoh empire sib meta time.

Courtesy of that last rb by @iinfernal thinking very hard (very affectionately) about love in the form of, we are going to work to keep each other on track. Especially with Caleb and Beau. Because like. its not just about newfound acceptance, people who will give you the benefit of the doubt and help you improve, people who see your worst and love you anyway, people who will forgive you.

Like its about that! But its also about- i trust you to drag me back if i stray. i trust you to call me out, to push back. i am putting my back to you- you will protect it, and you will also pull me back if i wander.

The first big backstory reveal between Beau and Caleb was an exchange, not a kindness. it was, tell me why you are afraid of fire, and ill get you into the library. Caleb laid out some of the corners of his guilty conscience, to Nott, with all of her faith in him, (he is my boy), to Beau, with her skepticism and brusque curiosity, and it was not meant as a soft gesture. It was not a call for forgiveness, or absolution- it was an item for barter, a warning, an admission of guilt.

and Beau- still unsure, still rough around the edges and rude and defensive and angry, shell-shocked and out of her depth did not provide forgiveness, or kindness. She said something along the lines of- good god, you know thats fucked up, right? i didnt ask for this, what the fuck.

She said something like: you know what you need to do now, then, right? prevent this guy from hurting more people. This is what you've gotta do now, I think- this is what we'll do-

And Caleb gets into the library, and casts haste on Beau in a bar fight, and there is something to be said about love shaped like a willingness to disagree, to push back, to say things wrong but try to say it anyway.

Caleb, and Beau, arguing. Beau is suspicious and Caleb is ready to run, and "the problem with friends is you have to care about them". Running into old injuries and boundaries, working to learn them, to fight to communicate. Apologies that are awkward but sincere. Kindness that is misshappen but intentional.

Caleb and Beau, butting heads, poking fun, trusting the other person to be suspicious of them, when it really counts.

"Can we keep each other straight?"

Some fifty episodes apart: have faith in us, just a little bit? dont run.

follow your own advice. don't go.

Caleb, vision and hearing gone and flung out ahead, placing a hand on Beau's shoulder. Lead me well, lead me straight, bring me back if I stray. Caleb and Beau, going in circles about what to do as the world ends, ambition and magic and time and guilt, and entities at war. Worried about evil, about going wrong, needing the clear vision of someone who loves you and will not eternally forgive you.

"I'm worried I am exactly what he said I was."

"Not yet."

God just. Love as keeping each other on track. Beau and Caleb, as the only ones to get the eyes, afflicted by searching too hard for knowledge. what a horror, to have you and your tether tossed into an unknown spiral. what a comfort- if it was any of them, at least it was both. The Mighty Nein, making contingency plans, Yasha sticking close to caleb and cooing over his animal forms and ready, ready, for the worst. What a nightmare. Thank god. "Im glad it was us."

"You drove me insane."

"I hated you. You sucked."

What love. What immense care. Years on in, and it all still comes back to:

"You got my back?"

"What's the play, Beauregard?"

#this post was supposed to be 2 paras max but this is one of those subjects that has SO MANY EXAMPLES it could go on forever #critical role #caleb widogast #beauregard #empire siblings #theres a whole cut section about how other members of the m9 did this for each other too but for specificity i kept it to just these two #also i swear the line about them being glad about the eyeballing is like. an in character line but i cant find it. I PROMISE THO #anyway empire sibs famous forever. i know i wrote multiple posts like this for the brjeaus so it seems fair i write one for them #character meta #my meta #narrative meta #its about the hand on the shoulder to lead each other its about love as trusting them to lead you right trusting them to tell you when #youre wrong. its about love as intentionally learning each others languages even when its hard. its about love as fucking up and trying #anyway. its about. two little shits like us doing good? its so. ITS SO.#this is so long bc its actually like three themes in one. sorry.#grrr ok episode tagging time #c2e122 #c2e18 #i think #c3e51 #SORRY I PUT IN A READMORE I DIDNT REALIZE HOW LONG IT GOT #let the record show! this theme is applicable to many rels within the m9 and more broadly among all of them but #this particular post is about beau and caleb #that said oOoOOOo the og post about the whole m9.... love it

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petiolata · 16 days

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Blegh, I hate writing things that I feel are just mediocre. Like they're not bad, not terrible, no one is going to cringe in disgust at them or anything.

But you know they're not going to be anyone's favorite. They lack a distinct flavor, a certain charm. They're not OOC, but they don't have that thrill that a really good characterization has, where you feel the characters personality strongly and their voice is just so completely them you can hear it.

It's not like it happens a whole lot; most of my fics and stories don't fall prey to this blandness. I think, once I have this fic edited, I'll go through it and look for places to strengthen character voice.

#writeblr #writer problems #writer struggles #fanfiction #any two guys #is kind of the specific term for it #I hate it when I make these fics #they're actually worse than badfics--when you make a badfic at least you tried to do something very flavorful #and fucked it up bad #I don't classify ATG fic as bad/ badfic because it's too successful on a technical level to be called bad #and also they don't actually fail at characterization they're not wildly OOC or contradicting canon #they're just...bland. and lacking that spark.#It's weird bc I've written both of these characters ages ago and was fine so I know I can capture a voice for them #I think I'm just afraid of leaning heavily into the characterization I favor bc of ppl possibly perceiving it as OOC #(it's not--but u know how ppl are. they get their idea of Blorbo and expect everyone else to follow it.)#I'm sure I'll be able to shake off the nerves and focus on character voice once im done with the first edit round.#afterall I don't usually care about whether my characters are seen as “OOC”. The important thing is *me* having fun and liking what I wrote #so I'll go through it on the 2nd pass with the aim of pleasing my number 1 fan--myself 😋#op #personal #writing

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themidnightcircusshow · 3 months

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Every new thing I learn about James Somerton's process just drives home how he almost (but really doesn't) knows what he's doing. Yes, of course you use the sources you read as a jumping off point. Of course you copy and paste the important sections into your outline document so you can reread them. That's why you put them in quotation marks.

#James Somerton #honesty time: I totally believe he did this by accident #his entire problem is that he writes like a fandom account with bad takes #his anecdotal evidence that Todd in the Shadows spent a two hour video trying to find sources for?#they're all fandom drama taken out of their cultural context #(yes fandom counts as a subculture and therefore has specific context)#and all of it gets attributed to straight white women coz everyone knows shippers are all straight and cis women /s #he simultaneously treats his videos like bad fandom meta and Documentaries of Great Importance and those just do not mesh #it's part of why his videos were so unbearable if you actually knew what he was talking about #he learned how to make a youtube video essay. He did not learn how to write or study any of his chosen subject matter #I think that's also why he was not expecting to be called out the way he has because I suspect he probably thought everyone wrote this way #a lot of old video essayists especially the Chez Apocalypse bunch were very good at not broadcasting just how much went into their videos #so their style that has now become the norm feels incredibly off the cuff but is heavily researched #but also they are using that research to support their own hypotheses and ideas as you are supposed to #so I wonder if when he got called out he just brushed it off because surely he just writes the same way everyone writes #(and hey fandom posts are rarely cited because they assume everyone knows what they are talking about)#it almost makes me feel sorry for him but all I can think about is how catstrophically bad he is at this job #oh and for everyone wondering: I've found the best way to research is to put quotes in quotation marks #paraphrasing in either different punctuating or a different colour #and your own personal thoughts based on the source in something different again #all with the correct citations for your preferred style #this makes sure you have everything cited so when you put it all together you can do it easily without having to go back through it all #and prevents this from happening #(tbh I'm kinda sad I'm not still teaching. This would have been a perfect meme for how to do your damn citations week)

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47-protons · 9 months

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many thoughts head full yet so devastatingly empty (< my brain is going about a billion miles per hour and i cannot slow it down enough to put any of the thoughts into any type of coherent statement) ((it is flicking wildly back and forth between q/smp and usmp. like if you took a metronome and set it to like a billion BPM.))

I have never frantically edited a post faster to put a slash between four letters

#hi i'm listening to winter's come and gone and i'm being Normal about it #''little black bird on my wire line. dark as troubles in this heart of mine.''#and my brain is shoving Winter's Come and Gone. The Blackest Crow. and Foreign Lander. it's shoving all of them in a blender and i am havin #am having MANY thouhgts. absolutely brain rattlers.#the blackest crow that ever did flew would surely turn to white if ever i prove false to you bright day would turn to night #bright day would turn to night my love the elements would mourn if ever i proved false to you the seas would rage and burn #i lie awake out in the night. i see the shining stars. i wonder if you see them too wherever you are.#i'm normal. :+1:#i wish my breast were made of glass wherein you might behold upon my heart your name lies wrote in letters made of gold #in letters made of gold my love believe me when i say you are the darling of my heart. until my dying day.#Goes into Flick's character playlist. whacks apocalypse lullaby in there at mach 4 #my brain is Rattling with everything from sp/iderbit to phil to forever to flick and usmp s2 brainrot (< again)#i am Extremely abnormal about the end of s2 #more accurately. i am going through my playlist of chill folk/bluegrass tunes bc i have been having Feelings about. smth I will probably #never say out loud. i like the russian girl thing on like. tiktok and instagram. it is interesting and neat #to learn about other people's cultures- even if specifically it's about them feeling disconnected from theirs.#there is a rotting in my chest. there is no culture here. i don't think the US as a whole can go ''aha this is the american culture'' what #work until you die. never get healthcare. have every other country hate you. that's fair.#i am sitting with the bluegrass songs my grandma would sing me to sleep with when i was a baby and i am being normal #it took me two years before i could listen to Ashoken Farewell without bawling. they played that at her funeral. specifically my cousin #got up and played it. I'm normal. i'm so normal about this. culture can be school shootings and rampant capitalism but it can also be. banj #banjo and fiddle. i want to go to the bluegrass festival this year. i think it will be good for me.#america on the whole. probably does not have a unified cultural identity. and i guess that's okay #i'll align myself out towards the oklahoman panhandle and all the goatheads i got as a kid. i never saw the problem with quacki/ty's bedroo #i liked the rock walls. it reminded me of my grandma's house. she had a dugout. i miss it (< lost it in a wildfire a year after she died)#it wasn't like. a sod house. it was entirely underground though for Years until they had my uncle aaron and needed an extra room so then th #they got a Single upstairs room. The stairs were back by the cellar. i miss it. my mom would tell stories of the bus dropping her off and #classmates telling her ''there's a cow on your roof''#i miss it. i should go to sleep i think #i don't think i've ever felt 'american' but i sure have felt 'kansan' and that's. okay enough for me i think

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i-dont-even-know-by-this-point · 9 months

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I think the grumpy x grumpy trope is underrated, and there are mathematical ways to prove its superiority.

You see, a positive number, or in this case person, multiplied by (or ‘x’d with) a negative makes the result negative. Hence, an unhappy relationship with unhappy people.

However, two negatives multiplied together make a positive = overall happy relationship with happy people.

Therefore, we can see that grumpy x grumpy is indeed the best ship dynamic, because they bring out the sunshine in each other. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

#i don’t even know why i wrote this #i haven’t got any specific ships in mind for it #it’s just a general thought #like yes yes sunshine x grumpy and sun x moon is nice and all #but what about the two grumps sitting grumpily together and grumping away adoringly in the corner #how both their humourless and brusque demeanour starts brightening when they realise they have traits in common and can banter about it #the way they slowly bring out the warmth and light in each other while understanding each other’s reluctance to open up and having patience #because they know what it feels like #the shock of the characters’ friends/ family/ whatever when they find out the two grumps are thoroughly in love #i digress #random stuff #shipping #ship tropes #fanfic tropes

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knowlesian · 2 years

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my last post and the shameless mountain goats reference i threw in there got me thinking about one of my favorite story beats, because it combines a lot of character work and thematic oomph in one: ed being a victim of his own legend and ability to protect himself by hiding in plain sight + codeswitch into the version of himself that best suits the company/situation he’s in, in many ways but often most visibly through his interactions with izzy.

my take on “is blackbeard real or fake” has always been “yes”; blackbeard is pieces of ed filtered and strained and assembled and pruned down in ways that scarred him even as they kept him safe, in ways that are very sad and often stretching the definition of safe as far as ed’s personal definition of murder. nonetheless: it got him to the place he's at, still alive. could he have done it another way? who knows! that was the way he did it, it's the way he knows will work because it did work.

or: he thinks he knows that. but the legend was never all of ed and in fact demanded he spotlight pieces of himself he doesn't like so much a lot and repress a lot of the things that make him feel good, it’s not helping/hurting anymore. it’s just dragging him down.

so ed is sick of the blackbeard schtick; and here’s the rub. if he’d been worse at the art of personal fuckery alongside the pirate type, maybe none of this is happening. the world never knows his name; or worse, once he gets spotted as a man who won't kill they mock it.

that version of ed does not attract izzy ‘ask me about my boner for the sunk cost fallacy’ hands, or does not keep him. because izzy has built his identity around ed’s legend; who is blackbeard’s first mate, if there is no blackbeard? who the fuck even is izzy hands, if he’s not seated at the right hand of edward teach?

now. you would hope, in a better world, that izzy would be like you know, edward, the thing here is: you wanting something different involves emotional consequences for me. i would have to figure out my whole life over again and i am simultaneously con o’neill’s age and emotionally sixteen like the real world me was, so you can see that would be super complicated. i have so fucking much baggage and you are just adding to it, and i do not like that. also: this fucks up my work situation and my home life at once, it makes me feel sad and abandoned and itchy in ways i do not wish to label with words because they would be gay ones like ‘please don’t leave me, i love you and i thought it was mutual’ so like... world rocked, thoroughly and in ways that make me want to rant until past last call, in conclusion this sucks and i think it's twenty mistakes in a trenchcoat, some of them maybe life threatening! i wish you would not.

and then he would step back and let ed make his own fucking choices anyway and either do the work to figure himself out in the same space or finally grab those cds from the car and find his own place to do the same, because a shitty fact of adult life is sometimes people cannot be what we want or need. sometimes that is because they suck: sometimes, it’s just because they can’t or don't want to, and that isn't them being mean or withholding. they don't owe us more than the basic kindness and dignity we all owe to each other just because we put in our hours longing for them to do so. that’s some toxic, entitled shit. understandable! an impulse i share at times! but we should never be That Guy (gender neutral) because the friendzone doesn’t actually exist and nobody deserves to win someone else as a prize for hanging around long enough and driving them to the airport. that’s just called being friends, etc.

izzy is sadly currently stuck on being That Guy. so instead of realizing ed is an adult man and can make his own choices, even if izzy thinks they're bad ones, he fucking panics and starts swinging around and finally runs to big daddy england to make stede bonnet stooooooooop (messing with ed’s brain).

and of course he does something like that! he thinks a relationship is when you metaphorically own each other and when you can only be tender after putting your right foot in and then putting it out before once again putting it in and then proceeding to shake it all about, violent rituals unlock love style. he’s a desperate man in a hell entirely of his own making.

and so is ed, in this entirely different way but stuck in his own fucking orbit as firmly as izzy, only ed is trying to claw his way up and out to see what else he can be, while izzy would do juuuust about anything (including lick the king’s boots) to stay the same forever.

that’s some tragic shit. i love this writing team, the end.

#what if i staple no children to their heads when they're together what then #truly this is some good writing #like: i find izzy fascinating because he was written by the same team who wrote everybody else #he sucks in ways that i want to think about because they sometimes allow me to examine myself #and then sometimes let me laugh at his dumb ass or talk about serious thematic shit #he bears a lot of weight in the narrative because that's in part what a good antagonist should do #anyway yeah the sort of classic tragedy of these two is super interesting since like...clearly the show knows what's up #i maintain izzy is gonna figure his shit out and become a productive member of this pirate society tho #because okay like: in real life i know the best i can often hope for is somebody knocking a specific behavior off #and often they won't ever do that #but if they did the world would be better and they would be better and i would have another comrade #i will always settle for one less enemy if that is my only choice #but i'd rather make a new ally i can trust #and my fantasy is often that the izzys of the world in all their forms don't just knock it off #it's that they start fighting alongside me or become someone i don't mind being around because i CAN trust them now #(hey: i did say it was a fantasy)#so i kind of ask myself: what makes life better in this fictional world #an izzy who can't hurt people because he is no longer around or an izzy who has started to figure his shit out #anyway yes: this shit is sad and well-crafted

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