lauriegraham01

[lauriegraham01]

you're still around | natasha romanoff

pairings: natasha romanoff x gn!reader (one instance where it can be interpreted as fem!reader)

summary: "i know better but i still feel you all around." you never envisioned a life spent with natasha, so what do you do now that the aftershocks of her death has uprooted your life?

wc: 2.5k

a/n: I cannot speak of my grief over natasha, so enjoy this instead! + this is me cleaning out my drafts so im sorry if quality is trash </3

You never loved the beach. You never loved the beach until you met her.

Having been assigned on a mission together in Los Angeles, you found yourself on the sand far more times than you cared for.

"Oh, you're being ridiculous it's not that bad."

"I'd rather die."

Even behind her tinted aviators, there was no denying that signature playful glint shinning in her eyes. She loved how you had a flair for the dramatics, always teasing how she's the only one who could ever put up with it.

"Look, it's only for a couple of hours until we make sure that Stavros meets his guys here."

"And not a second more."

Hours slipped away as you two soaked up the sun. You could live in this moment forever. The sound of waves crashing against the shore matched the ferocity of your heart beating in your chest. You were full of love, consumed by it. Yet how could you not.

The way her sun-kissed skin seemed to soak up the sun, how her hair danced in the gentle ocean breeze, and how peaceful she looked as she she slept in the sand.

You feared the inevitable- dreaded it even. Yet lying next to her, unable to look away, you knew it was too late.

Your bond only continued to grow, spending more time both on and off the clock. Using any excuse to be near each other in hopes of learning something new, even though that seemed impossible. Natasha was the first person you felt like you could be completely open and honest with. You were surprised yet relieved when she told you she felt the same way.

Things in those days were still fresh, you both were equally fully of worry and reservation. The fear of ruining an already incredible bond preventing either of you from pursuing something greater. There was a silent understanding of this- despite the circumstance, you and Natasha continued on as you knew best. Pushing each other to be greater, being each others cheerleader, and truly wanting the best for each other after seeing the potential you both possessed.

Each moment shared together played on repeat in your mind until you could see her again. Late nights spent sparring in the gym, pool games at dive bars, and endless romcom movie marathons that only were only respected by Wanda.

The endless messages exchanged during meeting whenever Steve would go on forever. The getaways spent upstate thanks to Natasha swiping the keys to one of Tony's many many cars. The late night spent revealing sins to each others, and the darkest memories and fears that haunted us. The comfort that lasted till morning when you awoke to another sunrise wrapped in each other's arms. Each moment spent with her was truly magical.

You felt yourself falling deeper in love with Natasha with each passing day. You had reached a point where you couldn't remember life without her by your side, and the thought of having to go back to that terrified you both.

"I don't want this to be what splits us." Running your hands over your face, a tired sigh escaped your lips. The stress of the Sokovia Accords had everyone on edge and you and Natasha were no exception.

"I don't see why it has to," Natasha exaggerated. Her patience growing thinner after the countless back and forth and still not seeing eye to eye.

"You know why," you objected sharply. "it's not right, Nat. You know that." Your eyes met her with an unwavering look of defiance. There was no swaying you to change your mind. She always knew you were so stubborn.

"I know," she admitted.

"Then why are you signing?!" Throwing your hands in frustration you don't immediately notice the boom in your voice as you spoke.

It wasn't until Natasha swallowed thickly before averting her gaze towards the ground that you realized your mistake. Your shoulders slump as you let out a tired sigh. You felt that you were at a crossroads, and there was no right answer in which way you moved.

"I want us to stay together, it doesn't matter how," she emphasized, the edge in her voice unmistaken as she enunciated each word. Green eyes looked up at me through silky lashes, behind a determined look I saw the sadness in the mist of green eyes.

In that moment you felt all your fears cement into reality. You knew there was no way both of you could win and your heart broke as you both pledged your allegiance to opposing sides of another mans war.

Looking up at her you saw the same exact heartbreak in her eyes. You reached your breaking point, as the room seemed to close in you bolted out of your seat and aimed for the door. As your hand squeezed the handle, you hesitated- for a brief second. You didn't want to walk out on her, it was the last thing you ever though of doing.

Sparing her a final look, you see the stoic expression on her face. You always knew she was stubborn, but the hardened expression on her face only further proved what you already knew. There was no changing her mind, just as much as there wasn't changing any yours.

"It does to me."

You fought on opposing sides of a pointless war. When the dust settled, there was no morning glory to be found in its aftermath. Just bitter resentment and heartache as the family you've fought beside for years was no more.

Now considered an enemy of the state, you fled the country, not knowing if you would ever come back. By the time Steve had told you how Natasha helped him and Bucky flee, it was already too late. You were thousands of miles away and burned too many bridges that could never be crossed over again.

You thought about writing, but what could you say? Too much was said and done last, you didn't think there was ever coming back from that. You spent the next two years trying to erase the memory of her. Proving quite difficult as you saw her in everything, her love still being the fire that kept you warm even miles away.

You dreamt of a time where you would come face to face with her again. You've rehearsed the apologies you would say and the confessions you would lay bare if you ever were to see her face again. Yet all that flew out of the window as she stood in front of you, finding you amidst the crowded market square.

"Natasha?" Despite her hair now blonde and much shorter, you still could recognize her face in any crowd.

"Just shut up." She said, catching you off guard.

Taken aback, you sighed deeply as you gave her your full attention. Taking in her full appearance, you note her lose tank and green skirt that flowed with the summers breeze. You don't think you've ever seen her in something that colorful. Despite all the changes, she's still Natasha. You still saw the girl you fell in love with all those years ago on that beach.

The crease between her eyebrow reveals how Natasha seemed deep in thought. Hesitant to speak what's on her mind as she darted between your eyes, weighing her options.

"I never wanted to rely on anyone for anything," she began. "I thought that if I could be independent and alone then I could avoid the pain that comes from losing people."

Fidgeting with her fingers and from the bite marks on her lip, you sensed the urgency behind her words.

"I don't wanna live like that anymore," she confessed urgently. As if she could no longer bear having such a brilliant truth hidden for a second longer. "I love you y/n. I think I have for a long time now but I was just too scared to admit it- and I know things are complicated but i'm ready for this. I want this. I want us-" Stopping suddenly, feeling breathless the longer she looked in your eyes. "You. I want you."

"I love you."

Time seemed to slow down in that moment. The sound of thousands of people packed in the Brazilian market faded to nothing as you looked at her, her words echoing in your head. If Nat had felt even an ounce of relief from getting the truth of her chest, her face didn't show it. She had this look on her face, you studied for it moment before you realized what it was- fear.

She thought you would walk away. That you would scoff at her confession, see through her for what she thought she was, flawed.

She couldn't have been farther from truth. Her eyebrows furrowed in mix of shock and confusion when she felt a finger tilting her chin upward. Swallowing thickly, she awaited cruel rejection. However, seeing the adoration behind your eyes, she let herself believe that maybe there was some room for redemption. The corner of her lip curled upwards before the both of broke into breathless laughs, the twinkle in her eyes making your heart soar as it sang Natasha's name.

"I love you too."

After that, you never knew a life without Natasha. Having fought in Wakanda and losing so much during The Blip, you two became each other's anchor.

Never wanting to be away from her again, you moved back to New York. You helped direct the remaining Avengers as missions were still executed and help was needed everywhere. Despite the darkness that the world was wrapped up in, you and Natasha were each other's lighthouse, guiding each other back to shore.

It wasn't until Scott came barging on the compounds door and the the rest of the team got together for the time heist that hope would shine for the first time in a long time.

"Are you sure you don't want me to come instead," you lowly ask as you and the rest of the team prepare for the time heist.

"I'm gonna pretend to not be offended by that." Clint chimed in as he made his way past us.

"Shut up Barty, please!" He throws his hands up in surrender as he's met by your annoyed gaze. You don't miss hearing Bruce chuckle as he typed away on the control panels.

Facing Natasha again, you're met with her amused smile as she looked up at you.

"I promise I'll be fine," she insisted. "Clint's got my back-right Barty?!"

Clint just grunts in acknowledgment.

"Trust me?" Raising her eyebrows as she lifted her open palm toward you.

Taking her hand and turning it over, you placed a chaste kiss onto it.

"Damn right I do," you say, never breaking eye contact.

Not missing the way her cheeks flushed at the sudden gesture you bring her in and capture her lips in a soft kiss. Earning a wolf-whistle from Tony in the process.

As you all stood in a circle on the platform, ready to go back in time in hopes of bringing everyone back, your eyes meet Natasha's again. Heart fluttering as it did everytime you looked at her.

"See you in a minute." Her eyes glimmering as she smiled at you.

Those words replayed in your head in a constant loop for months. You never got to say goodbye, and that's what killed you the most.

You never were good with grief, and having lost so many people because of Thanos, you spiraled into a depression that lasted the better half of a year.

Yet when you were ready to face that grief, it was Yelena who was there for you. She was one of the few people around who understood what it meant to lose Natasha. To have known and loved her so intimately, and have that taken away.

Staring out into the same sea at the same beach where you first fell for your blue-jeaned baby, as comforting hand on your shoulder shakes you from your thoughts. Startled by the sudden presence your eyes look up frantically to meet with Yelena's concerning gaze.

"Hey," her voice soft, "you okay?"

"Hey-um, yeah, i'm fine really." You shake your head furiously as you blink away your tears. Meeting her eyes again, the love and sincerity that poured behind Yelena's eyes was enough to make the damn burst.

"No," you croak as a sob wracks itself out of your body. Engulfing you in her arms, you burrow your head in Yelena's shoulder as grief's uncharted weight washes over you.

"I know what she meant to you. She told me about a month after taking down the Red Room. I never would've taken her for a U-hual lesbian."

A laugh escapes your lips. Looking back on it, things did happen rather quickly. After taking down Dreykov, she felt a new found purpose in life, a need to reconnect with family and loved ones.

"Yeah, well it was a long time coming," you let out softly. You pull out of her arms, wiping away at your dried tears.

"Thank you, Yelena. I know what she meant to you too."

You don't miss the sadness that flickers in Yelena's eyes.

"She meant to look for you earlier. She told me about you while staying at one of Tony's safe house", you sigh reflecting on the confessions said that night. The fire and a shared bottle of whiskey having kept you both warm that night. "She never stopped thinking about you."

"I know," she affirms, voice shaky. "Thank you."

You offer her a soft smile, eyes crinkling as you giver her arm a reassuring squeeze. Yelena then locks arms with you, a sudden peace washing over you like the waves ashore you were watching.

"Are you gonna be okay?" Looking over at her, you note the blonde wisps of hair that moved with the wind.

"Are any of us?" She doubled back with a smirk, earning a chuckle from you.

A brief silence falls over you two. One full of reluctant acceptance as it is with sadness.

"I promised I wouldn't say goodbye." You barely heard her. You almost thought you hadn't from how low she spoke.

Looking back towards the water, if you didn't know any better you'd think she was still around. If you thought about it long enough, you could still make out Natasha's footprints scattered across the sand. Or how graceful she looked dancing in the sand.

You could hear the sweetness of her laughter as not even the call of the seagulls could sing a finer melody.

You can still feel the warmth of her pirate smile, shinning bright as she looked at you from over her shoulder.

As the wind picked up you closed your eyes and let the memories of your sweet summers spent with Natasha flash before you. If you didn't know any better, you'd think she was talking to you now. Through the way the wind echoed her whispers of "I love you."

Opening your eyes, the warmth and love of those memories still sprout inside you, even as your met with the sight of the beach's barren winter. She's still here, always with me.

"Maybe you don't have to."

You know better, but you still feel her all around.

#marvel #marvel fanfiction #black widow #black widow x reader #natasha romanoff #natasha romanov #natasha x reader #natasha x you #natasha x gn!reader #natasha romonova

[lauriegraham01]

the purest expression of grief

pairing: crowley x reader, gn!reader

summary: "darlin' don't you stand there watching, won't you come and save me from it?" or having tempted you into a life a sin, crowley realizes he's gone too far and tries to save you before it's too late

wc: 4.9k

cw: drug abuse, depression, near death experience, power imbalance, complicated relationship dynamics.

a/n: uni has kept me away, terribly sorry. this has been in my drafts for a while, i hope u all enjoy and pls leave feedback. (inspo from hozier + paris paloma)

Your mind is foggy as you lose all control of your body. Ears ringing from the music that's playing too loudly, eyes hazy from the smoke that crowds the dancefloor, and head shaky as the world around you moves in a blur. Has it been merely hours or days since you first started dancing, you couldn't tell. Your mind wouldn't let you think that far back. You stand amidst the crowd occupying the dance floor, losing yourself to the music of the night, and letting yourself only feel the pure bliss that the life of sweet sin seemingly always offered you. Just across the dance floor, with an arm perched on the bar stood Crowley. Dressed sleek in his signature all black look, they nursed a drink in their hand as they watched you from afar. Crowley had always been enamored by your shameless wonder, and even now after millenniums of having been at each others side, they still find you just as wonderous as he did back in the beginning.

Amongst the angels that served as guardians of the gates of Eden, lied you. An angel with strength and beauty that showed the power of the Almighty Herself. When the Garden was no more and the humans you swore to protect were outcast, Crawley, as you knew him before, was there to witness how you had fallen for God's newest creation.

"Here. Take these." With hushed whispers, you shield Eve from the prying eyes of the Garden, unaware of the serpent that remained coiled in the corner, as you reach into your robes to retrieve the several stems of hyssop that you had picked from the garden.

"But I-"

"You mustn't worry about what the Almighty says. Despite her anger, she still will watch over you as will I." Looking up at her, your heart contracts seeing the fear etched on Eve's face as she now prepares to face the world outside the sacred garden.

"I never meant for any of this to happen," Eve's voice comes out small, like a child scolded.

"I know," you say softly, "but there is still a way to make things right."

Grabbing her hand, you softly place the stems of the hyssop into her open palm. Inspecting the purple buds that adorn the plant, her eyebrows furrow in curiosity as to what the plant’s purpose is.

"You will soon find out that each passing month, you will undergo painful cycles where you will shed blood. This will only last a couple of days, but the pain that comes with it can be unbearable. This..." you cup the bottom of her hand that held the plant, "will help ease the pain that you will feel. Plant it, multiply it, and when the time comes, make a tea and it shall work."

Eve softly closes her fist, careful not to crush the delicate buds within her grasp.

"Thank you," she murmurs.

"Of course." You smile reassuringly and for the last time you see the glimmer of hope that lives in Eve, even if hidden behind her anxieties of what was to come.

You fly over the gates, in your own way saying goodbye to the fortress you have grown to love, wings slowly flapping steadily in place as you watch Adam and Eve venture out into the unknown.

"Well that was awfully kind of you-"

"My Lord!" Gasping loudly, your hand clutches your chest and your wings flare as you're caught off guard by the sudden presence at your side.

After a beat of catching your breath, you look over at the intruder and when you do, you have to do a double take. They look so familiar but...no...it can't be?

"Crawley?"

"I'm sorry do I know you?"

"Ye- oh, well I suppose not." Words dying off as you remember the rumours of Crowley's torment that followed after their fall from grace.

"I'm Y/N!" Your voice comes out more cheerfully this time, as you flash him a smile.

"Pleasure. Right, well like I mentioned, that was awfully kind what you did back there," turning his head to the side to look at you, he's met with your brows furrowed in confusion as to what he's going on about. "With the hyssop? I mean that was bloody brilliant and that's gonna save her a lot more heartache in the long run."

"Oh! Yes! Well I had to help, I can only imagine what she's bound to go through." You look back over to the lone two figures far in the distance within the desert, it'll be nightfall soon and you can only hope that they find shelter sometimes soon.

Crowley studies your profile as your gaze remains forward. You truly are a creature rarely seen and in those wholesome eyes that seem to have the light of the stars within them, he sees the darkness of the lonesomeness that lingered beneath.

"How did you come to grow so fond of them?"

"They had a choice and in the eyes of the Almighty they chose wrong," your face falls, a defeated sigh escaped your lips as you turn to fix your gaze unto Crowley. "Despite the punishments they face, they face them together. They have a companion and they're capable of so much love and so much more than what I believe any of us can imagine."

"You wish to live like them?"

"I'm afraid I can't. My duty is to the Almighty."

"I'm sure they would do good having someone on watch, hm? If you could protect them, then you can do good here at least enough to y'know make sure they don't ruin things all over again."

"Crowley?"

They hum in acknowledgement.

"How'd you know about my gift to Eve?"

Shit.

"I erm..I-I'm sorry, what?"

"Were you watching me?" You grin ear to ear as you tease the demon, face warming at the thought of Crowley having watched your every move from afar.

"I-Well-Ah-What, no. Oh s-please, that's rubbish."

"Crowley, you really are the devil." You laugh as you nudge their side playfully with your elbow.

When they try to do the same, a flap of your wings allows you to just barely miss their aim, and your laugh only grows at the sight of their widened expression.

"Ohhh Angel, you're in for it now." His seemingly threatening words fall short of any true malice, only mischief as they invite you in- making you fall deeper within his trap the longer you looked at the wicked grin on his face. Heart soaring as the two of you flew over the desert sky together, the beginning of something new.

You couldn't have envisioned the life that you would lead forward from that fateful day. Perhaps it had been also been your destiny to fall for temptation back in the Garden, your innocence having died screaming since Crowley slithered from Eden. Lifetimes have passed since then and you've seen everything that humanity had to offer. Yet despite having seen it all, you still fell victim to your own loneliness. Hiding your relationship with Crowley from Heaven's back came with a heavy tax. There would be periods when the shame and guilt you carried would become too much and the light in your eyes would fade. Whenever you felt this way, you would often turn to your vices in order to numb the pain. Crowley knew of this, in fact it wasn't uncommon for the two of you to indulge in illicit substances together, your hunger for more only growing the more you indulged. While they always tempted you to indulge in the sweetness of sin, they wondered if this time they've gone too far.

He's had quite a few already but that doesn't make him slow down. Raising the glass to his lips, his eyes remain fixed on you as even in the darkness, you still illuminated a heavenly glow.

"Some things never change", he thought to himself.

Yet even in your glow, they don’t miss the vacancy behind your eyes. The light that they had spent all of an eternity getting lost in had vanished and instead a storm of emotions were buried just beneath. It was only a matter of time before the storm would grow stronger and Crowley knew it as well as you did. You always were clever, and tried your damnedest to keep them hidden from everyone, especially Crowley, but it was no use. The demon had a tendency to see right through you and it was one of the things you loved most about them, but right now it was the very thing that annoyed you the most.

"Crowley," even telepathically they don't miss the tired and slurred hush of your voice as it echoes within his head, the various substances you've indulged in wiring your system. "Don't you stand there watching, won't you come and save me from it?"

You know that they've heard you, it wasn't uncommon for you and Crowley to communicate like this. So when they finally break their gaze and turn their shoulder to face the bartender again, your heart sinks thinking that they won't come to save you. You feel your face grow hot in embarrassment as you mentally scold yourself for being so vulnerable.

When Crowley turns around from closing his tab, you've vanished from the crowd and have already sought shelter in the bathroom. Clutching onto the sink for dear life, ragged breaths come out of your lips as you feel warm tears fall down your face. As you look at your reflection in the mirror, your torment only grows as your stomach twists in disgust by what you see.

"Oh Angel, how the mighty have fallen." You say self-deprecatingly as you harshly wipe at the tears in your eyes. Despite appearances, you weren't the angel you once were. Yet you knew that if Heaven saw you for what you were, you too would fall from grace.

With shaky hands you reach into your pocket and pull out a small golden vial- a gift from Crowley from the 20s. You unscrew the top as you gently tap the white powder onto the back of your hand. With a sniff, a rush courses through you as you feel the effects of the drug only enhance your already intoxicated state. As you tuck the vial away again and fix your appearance, you brace yourself for the world outside.

As you emerge your way back to the dance floor, your vision becomes hazy as the bright lights bounce around the crowd. In its wake, they illuminate one familiar face. They've never been the best dancer per se, but they always knew how to lose themselves in the moment.

As they come up from behind you, hands planting themselves on your hips as he presses your bodies together. Even as much as you feel yourself wanting to relinquish control to them a part of you holds back-desperately wanting nothing more than to be saved.

"Darlin', don't you join in you're supposed to drag me away from it."

"I'm here, love. I'm here." The breath of his whisper tickles the nape of your ear.

You knew you would be safe with Crowley, but the deep ache for salvation clouded your judgement. The infinite number of substances coursing through your veins only brought about infinite shame.

"Crowley," you sigh, "please."

You turn your head to look at him over the shoulder, and Crowley stills. The buzz and electricity of the nightclub die once he sees the loneliness shining through your pleading eyes, breaking his heart with every second.

"Right, come on then."

He takes your hand as he leads you away from the crowd and back into the streets of London. Despite having been on Earth for millenniums, one thing you never grew to get used to was how unbearably cold it can get. Crowley knows this, so he gives you his jacket and tucks you into his side as he rubs your arms comfortingly, hoping to warm you up.

"I'll get the car," they say facing you as you both stop on the edge of the sidewalk. They see your gaze fixated on the floor and know that your mind is elsewhere, probably worlds away from where they are.

"You gonna be alright?" Hooking a finger underneath your chin, they raise your head to finally look at them again.

"Yeah," your voice comes out shaky as you take a deep breath. "I'll be fine, Crowley." You try to give them a reassuring smile but it never quite reaches your eyes.

Crowley feels guilty for the way you feel, blaming themself for pushing you too far and not having listened to your signs earlier.

"Go." Your voice breaks them out of their thoughts. "Please, Crowley."

"Right. I'll be back yea?"

"Okay."

You watch him walk away further into the crowded streets, disappearing as he turns into the parking garage. Fumbling in your pockets you take out the pack of cigarettes that Crowley keeps in his jacket and you light one up. Thankfully the bentley doesn't come into view until you squash your cigarette bud underneath your boot.

When you get in there's no music playing, and it's like that the entire ride home. The only thing heard is the ambience of the passing city, the unbearable street traffic, and the heavy silence that lingers between the two of you. Every couple of minutes, Crowley's eyes shift over to you as you lean your head against the passenger window, eyes taking in the passing scenery.

"Eyes on the road, please." You mumbled, speaking for the first time in the past twenty minutes.

"They speak." Crowley narrated half amusingly.

"Not now, love. Not tonight please."

Crowley feels a sting at your words, not because they were necessarily hurtful but because they knew that you were hurting inside and at the cause of their hands. They turn their head back to the road in front and grip the steering wheel tighter, dreading the long night that's bound to unravel.

You hadn't realized that you've arrived at your apartment until Crowley placed a hand over your thigh and gently shook your leg.

"Sweetheart, we're here."

As you come back to your senses you see your apartment building right outside the window, the kitchen light glowing faintly from inside.

"Thank you," you don't spare a look at Crowley as you prepare to bid goodbye. As you go to pull onto the car handle, you feel it stiffen as the door locks itself.

"Crowley-"

"Not until you tell me what's wrong."

Finally looking up at them you take in how disheveled their is. No longer in a neat quiff but instead had strands falling all over the place. Right hand still gripped tightly around the steering wheel while their left hand remained free.

You know where this was going, you've played this game many times before with the demon but you had very little patience tonight.

"Crowley, please not tonight. I just want to be alone."

"You know better than I do that I can't let that happen."

"Why not?" You spat out, tilting your head at them albeit daringly. Only to be met by their squinting eyes as you both relieve the same memory of the past.

A momentary shock flashed across both Aziraphale's and Crowley's face as they made each others figure out as the dust of their sudden apparition settled.

"Angel? What are you-"

"The same reason why you are here. I could feel it."

Crowley swallowed thickly, nodding in acknowledgement of the celestial force that had brought both the angel and demon here in the living room of your flat.

Aziraphale had been shelving books when he first felt it. Crowley had been downing a whiskey at the pub when he felt it. At first it had hit them dully, making them stop in their tracks. Moments later, the pain radiated every fiber of the celestials beings, bringing them to their knees. It felt like a burning. Like the heat of a thousand suns had consumed them and they instantly recognized that pain. Having felt it plentiful during the rebellion, with the images of war and bloodshed still vivid in their minds even after all this time. The horror that consumed them as angels they both knew and loved met either their untimely end or their damning descent.

You were slipping from this form, from this world, and both Crowley and Aziraphale could feel every ounce of that pain.

"Right, where are they?!" Crowley seethed as he begin to pace around the living room.

"They must be around here somewhere, shall we split up?" Aziraphale anxiously met Crowley's gaze as he flexed his hand at his side rhythmically. Nervous habit.

"I'll take upstairs." With that the demon bolted upstairs and began his search as Aziraphale remained in the lower level of your flat. Echoes of your name rung out as they both called out to you.

It was the howling of Aziraphale's name that sent the angel running upstairs to Crowley. Dread weighing on his tongue with every step he took. The swung door and bright light emanating from the bathroom drew him in the right direction as he called out to Crowley.

As Aziraphale appeared in the doorway, he froze at the scene that laid in front of him. Crowley sunken on the floor with your limp frame cradled in his arms.

"What in Heaven's name happened?" Aziraphale breathed out, wide eyed in shock.

"I didn't- I don't know-th-they just-", words seem to fail Crowley, even more so than usual. Forming words took to much strength when the only thing he could feel, see, and taste was fear.

Aziraphale's face hardened as a defiance washed over him. Not tonight. Swallowing his fear down, Aziraphale sprung into action and was at your side.

Your skin was scalding and burned Aziraphale when he tried to touch you. Streaks of blood adorned your nose and cupids bow. Your heart was beating too fast and your breathing was too shallow.

Crowley smoothed your hair back as he took note of the sheen of sweat that adorned your forehead.

"Don't you dare give up on me. Do you hear me y/n?" Crowley croaked through how impossibly tight his throat felt. "You're not going anywhere."

"Crowley, look at me." Aziraphale urged, voice steady as he tried hard to be level headed.

Crowley was rocking back and forth, looking down on you as he muttered incoherently beneath his breath. Aziraphale saw the way Crowley had been unraveling and while he understood why, he knew that they needed to join heads in order to save you.

"Crowley," Aziraphale whispered as he placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. This seemed to snap Crowley back to reality as his gaze finally tore away from your face and fixated upon Aziraphale's. He couldn't breathe right, not that he needed the air anyways, but he took note of how hard his chest had been heaving. His wide eyes darted frantically between Aziraphale's as he searched for some kind of answer.

"What do we do?"

Aziraphale knew that they couldn't call for help. Who on earth could possibly help revive an angel back to life. This was something that would need divine intervention, and then he realized the only option they had left.

"A miracle?" It came out whispered, as if he himself wasn't sure of it.

"Aziraphale..."

"It's the only way."

The two only stared at each other. Communicating through panicked breaths and wide eyes searching for another answer yet reaching defeat and accepting that there was none.

"On my count. 1...2...3!" Crowley boomed as he and the angel intertwined hands and placed them over your chest.

A warm yellow light engulfed the entire room, blinding both Aziraphale and Crowley from each other as they both drew from their respective forces to perform this act. They lose all sense of time in the light of their miracle and it isn't until Crowley feels you stir within their arms that he opens his eyes.

"Y/N?"

Serpentine eyes meet yours as you fluttered your eyes open, slowly regaining consciousness. Your eyes darting everywhere as the world around you is still out of focus, you gain an inkling of clarity once Aziraphale's cool blue eyes meet yours.

You were dying, you knew that much. You had been toeing the line between life and death and death had nearly had its claim on you. Yet somehow in the space between, it had been Aziraphale and Crowley who saved you. Bringing you back home to them.

"That won't happen again and I've been fine since, Crowley." Venom lacing your every word as you stared at him coldly.

That night had been your rock bottom. The sixties were a time of radical change for everyone and it was in the drug liberation movement that your substance abuse had found its spark.

"Now, if you don't mind I'll just-" and with a wave of your hand you miracled the car to unlock itself.

As you climb out of the car, you have to cling to the door as your legs nearly give out on you. As the cold air nips at your skin, sending a shiver through your spine, you try to stop the world from spinning just long enough to get into your apartment.

As you wade through the grass you hear Crowley call after you. Ignoring them, you slot your key into your front door and relief fills your senses as you finally pry the front door open. Turning around to shut the door, your met with Crowley's chest as they stand in the entryway.

"I don't need a babysitter, Crowley." Your gaze cold as you tilt your head upwards to face them.

"Clearly, you do." Walking around you, Crowley makes his way further into your flat before seeking seeking refuge in the living room.

With a huff, you close the door and make your way further into your flat. Feeling Crowley close by as you entered and exited every room as you got changed. Their gaze never left yours, meanwhile you were doing everything in your power to ignore him. The task had proven itself difficult after 42 minutes. As Crowley watched you place a kettle for tea, his patience finally had worn thin.

"Is this what we're going to do? Keep silent all bloody night," their voice flat in annoyance as their stare bore into the back of your head.

A clatter rang out as you slammed the kettle back down on the burner. The anger from your manic state had been simmering for a while and Crowley's comment was enough to make it erupt.

"What do you want from me, Crowley?!" You bellowed as your eyes grow wide and crazed, meeting his daringly.

"I want us to quit using!!"

The boom in Crowley's voice was strong enough to rattle the flat, causing your wine glass from earlier to slide off the kitchen table and shatter on the floor.

You stare at the shattered glass on the carpeted floor. There it is. The big truth, the one that seemed to be seeping in your brain as fast as the crimson stain setting in your carpet.

"What?" Your voice came out a low murmur as your focus remained on the floor.

Crowley's chest deflates as they let out a heavy sigh. One that they've been holding for decades. You knew you didn't want to, you knew you loved it that much. Crowley also knew that, as much as it pained him. Having seen the destruction he's caused from his own hand, he never thought you were to get burned in his fire. Having swept you away from a paradise and into a world of sin, Crowley can't help but blame themself for the way things have ended up. They should have protected you better from it.

"I think maybe we should quit. All the drugs, all the drinking, at least for a little while." Voice teetering on remaining cool as they bargain with you.

"Go to hell," you sneer as you bump into his shoulder purposefully.

"Oh, I've been and it's actually quite lovely this time of year! The pipes have just gone through cleaning." Crowley barks as you march off.

The shattering of glass echoed throughout the flat as the fuel of you and Crowley's fire burned hotter at each passing second. Insults and accusations hurled at each other as you two miscommunicated.

"Y/N, don't you see what this is doing to us? What this is doing to you? This isn't us!" Hands waving frantically between your bodies, hoping to prove their point.

Coming to a halt from your previous march, you slowly turn to face the demon once more.

"And who exactly are we, Crowley?"

"Not this." A sigh elates from their lips as their shoulders slouch.

A moment of silence falls over the two of you. With the air still thick from all the tension, you can't see reason or rationality from the smoke of you and Crowley's fire.

"Devil," you call him slow and unsteady, hands shaking as they did long ago.

"When you stole my virtue, did you foresee that the fruits of my innocence would come to die far too young? Did you know the path I would take and what I would lose on it?" You close the distance between you as you slowly walk towards him.

"Angel, you know I didn't-"

"Then why did you do this to me?"

Crowley is stunned to silence. Throughout the entirety of your relationship, Crowley has carried a guilt for exposing you to a life of sin. Yet it wasn't until know that their fears would be confirmed as they stood their reeling in the weight out your accusation.

"Angel please-"

"You opened my eyes and you did this to me!"

Your screams rung out, piercing Crowley's ears with each slam of your fists across their chest. Walking backwards, Crowley tried to calm you down from your fury. Grabbing a hold of your wrists before flipping you where your back now was pressed against the wall.

"Let me go, let me go," you seethed through gritted teeth. Body thrashing against them as you fought to escape their hold.

"This is what I'm talkin' about," Crowley hissed. "This isn't you, love. You've lost control of your body, you feel no safety in my arms, we're constantly at each others throats. You don't trust me, y/n."

Your body slacks underneath Crowley's hold as the weight of his words cut through you like a knife.

"I've no language left to say it y/n, but I cannot go on like this any longer."

"Why didn't you stop me?", you mumble beneath your breath.

"I didn't know it would get this out of hand. If I knew, I would take it back in a second. I would have never sought you out in the Garden."

You can't help the soft smile that graces your lips as the warm memories from Eden flash in your mind. The days spent in paradise and time spent in playful innocence with Crowley. You've come a long way since then, and as quickly as it came your smile fell as you take in how far you've fallen from grace.

"I didn't mean for this to happen," your voice cracks as the weight of your shame come hurling towards you again, threatening to throw you overboard.

Your visions begins to blur and without a moments notice, a sob wracks itself out of your body. Crowley cups the sides of your face as he places kisses all over your face, whispering apologies between each kiss.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry love, I promise we'll make it out of this. I promise I will make it up to you."

Your cries become muffled as they pull you into their chest, hands smoothing your back comfortingly.

"What if I can't stop?" Your voice comes out hoarse. You don't know how long you've been in Crowley's arms, but your cries have now died down to sniffles as a drowsiness seeps into your bones. "What if we can't make it out of this one?"

Pulling away slightly to get a clear view of you, Crowley see's the tiredness in your eyes.

"I promise I will do whatever it takes to make sure we survive, that you survive."

"It's hungry work." You didn't feel worthy of Crowley's love or care, feeling guilty of the burden you've placed on them.

"Not for me." Crowley shakes his head defiantly. "Not if it's you."

"I don't deserve this. I've been unkind to you, I can't give you what you want-"

"Y/N, when I met you I swore I had dreamed you. A creature so beautiful, so loving, never having asked me once about the wrong I did. I can only pray I can show you a shred of the light you have given me."

Crowley's devotion remained unwavering. Seeing the light in his eyes as he pledged his loyalty made your heart ache a little less, and the pain less unbearable. Crowley noticed your eyes ever seeking, head reeling a million thoughts but not asking, for in some sad way he already knows.

"I know what it's like to carry the shame and hate of some other man's beliefs, let me carry that with you," he pleaded.

Flickering between his yellow eyes, the love that poured from them made you feel lighter. You knew that the road to recovery would be long and present its own trials, but you didn't have to face them alone. In fact, you never would have to feel alone anymore.

"I'm all in- I need to know you still want this, that you still want me."

Nodding slowly, a smile cracks itself on your face.

"In every lifetime, Crowley."

#good omens #gomens #aziraphale #anthony j crowley #crowley #crowley x y/n #crowley x you #crowley x reader #david tennant #neil gaiman #angst

[lauriegraham01]

me seeing my #hannibal fics blow up, nice to see u fannibals have finally come out of ur slumber (just in time for a rewatch too)

#nbc hannibal #hannibal #madds mikkelsen #will graham #hugh dancy #laurence fishburne #bryan fuller

[lauriegraham01]

HANNIBAL | 2013-2015 I let you know me. See me. I gave you a rare gift. But you didn’t want it. / You cannot control with respect to whom you fall in love.

[lauriegraham01]

he's a cunt with a quiff

#good omens!crowley #good omens #anthony j crowley #crowley #doctor who #david tennant #tenth doctor #14th doctor

[lauriegraham01]

and if i make an aziracrow x reader AU (based on the phantom of the opera)??????? maybe then i can die happily ????????

[lauriegraham01]

𝓂𝒶𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓇𝓁𝒾𝓈𝓉

anthony j. crowley

violent delights & violent ends

rare is this love, keep it covered

the purest expression of grief

aziraphale

violent delights & violent ends

avengers

avengers compound hc's

steve rogers

40s! headcannons

sarah georgia lee rogers

follow my shadow, around your corner

bucky barnes

i'll never smile again

40s! headcannons

follow my shadow, around your corner

natasha romanoff

you're still around

peter parker

i wish we could be honest

erik lehnsher

forever & always

be my baby

charles xavier

forever & always

be my baby

will graham

i know you

haunting

ethan morgan

girl next door

#good omens #marvel #xmen #spiderman #nbc hannibal #mbav #multifandom account #multi fic

[lauriegraham01]

violent delights & violent ends

pairings: crowley x angel!reader, gn!reader (aziracrow x reader if you squint)

summary: having stood through the testaments of time, as Heaven and Hell's forces and anger grow closer every day, you and Crowley must both make a choice but what fateful consequences lie in store for star-crossed lovers

cw: hurt/comfort, lotta hurt tho, angst,

wc: 4.5k

a/n: UPDATED ON 9/23!!!! inspo came from a dream, romeo + juliet, and 'romeo' by until the ribbon breaks. working on a masterlist currently and hope to get it up soon. tysm for your support and enjoy :)

The party was in full swing and you found yourself getting lost within the noise of William Shakespeare's famous parties. You were currently backstage in one of the parlors where you, Crowley, and Aziraphale had joined Shakespeare and his fellow actors and other socialites in celebrating another successful opening night.

"I mean it, William. You are just absolutely brilliant, I mean you're ability to capture human emotion and spirit, well it's just marvelous!" Aziraphale had spent the better half of the night praising the poet as he truly felt starstruck by his talent.

"Yea, yea the blokes alright. You should've seen him when he was just starting out, now the bastard his own theatre." Crowley sneered as they took another sip of the mead they carried in their hand.

"He's more than alright, you can admit that. He's quite the poet." You look at them with an amused smirk as though daring them to disagree.

" 'O, speak again, bright angel! For thou art as glorious to this night', trust me love, I would not be here had you and Aziraphale put up such a fight," the demon recites almost mockingly.

"Now look who's the poet?"

"Enjoying ourselves are we dear?" Aziraphale shakes you from your thoughts as he appears before you and Crowley sort of breathless.

"Seems like you are, Angel," Crowley quips back.

"Oh just marvelous really. The talent that the Almighty has given some of these actors is just beyond words! I've even been invited to the opera to see one actor perform! Oh, I do believe I see "Mercutio" across the room. Excuse me- Mercutio!"

As Aziraphale makes his way back into the crowd of stifled bodies, you turn your head back to peer at Crowley as they take a seat onto a plush red velvet couch. Sinking into the couch, they spreads their legs open wide, almost invitingly.

"The opera? I like the sound of that." Eyebrows raising, creasing their forehead as they peer at you through dark glasses. With a free hand they tap their thigh, inviting you in. You happily take it as you make yourself comfortable upon it, head falling upon their shoulder.

"You know what I like the sound of? Silence. I do believe that I am beginning to overstay my welcome," you sigh tiredly as you study the side of their face. Finding your eyes tracing the tattooed snake just beside their ear.

"Oh come on, what are you talking about? The fun's just barely begun. Plus I've heard rumors of what really goes on in Will's study, if you know what I mean," their hold on you becomes tighter as they wiggles their eyebrows suggestively.

"Crowley, c'mon be serious," you protested.

"I am! You're gonna tell me that doesn't peak even the tiniest bit of your interest?"

"What? No. Crowley, I mean it. I'm heading back home, need to step away for the night."

The demon fully turns their face to look at you for a second and as they look into your tired eyes, they let out a sigh, defeated that only you could make them change their mind and make them bend in ways they never though possible. Defeated that you were their soft spot.

"Alright, let's go love," they sigh as they pull the both of you onto your feet. Taking a hold of your hand, they guide you through the crowd as the two of you make your way outside of the theatre and back onto the streets of London. You knew Aziraphale would be fine on his own, as he had no intention of his ending his night anytime soon, thoroughly enjoying himself in the presence of talented artists. Crowley maintained an arm wrapped around your shoulder as the two of you walked on cobblestone until the bookshop finally came into view.

"Home sweet home," Crowley announces as the two of you make your way inside the dimly lit bookshop. Taking your coat off, you blow out the remaining candles that had been lit prior to your departure and made your way upstairs to your bedroom. You heard Crowley trailing not too far behind, and as you make your way into your bedroom you look behind to see them leaning against the doorframe.

"You can come in Crowley, you know that." You softly smile as you find their sheepish behavior rather odd.

"Nah i'm good, I was thinkin' of taking off. Just wanted to make sure you were alright s'all."

Having known Crowley since the dawn of creation, you knew when they were deceiving you.

"Crowley?"

"Hmm?"

"Come inside, dear."

"Well alright, I mean if you insist," the demon blows a puff of air before making their way inside, shutting the door behind them.

They made themself comfortable as you got dressed for bed. You felt Crowley's eyes burning on you with your every move, and the fact alone made heat creep its way up your face. Turning to face them again, you saw them burrowed beneath the multiple blankets that draped your bed. Making your way beneath them, you slide in beside Crowley but still left enough roof to distance the two of you.

"Any particular reason you're so far?" The demon quips as their yellow eyes quizzingly look into yours.

"Didn't know if you wanted me to be that close."

"You know me better than anyone, y/n. You know the distance never made a difference to me, love." With that they pull you closer until you're engulfed in their body heat as you remained pressed against their side.

It wasn't unusual for you and the demon to be close like this, in fact in ways it was one of the reasons your bond with each other was so strong. Crowley, for better or for worse, craved physical touch. Having been deprived of it in their time in Hell, the only time they ever felt the touch of another is when pain and violence would be awaiting on the other side of it. With you it was different, it was their way of demonstrating emotions where words failed him. Most days it would be small things like a hand placed on the small of your back, or their hand laying gently on your knee whenever you sat near, but tonight it was different. By the way they had been handsy all night and with the distant look in their eyes as they stared up at the ceiling, you knew something was up.

"Crowley?"

"Hmm," they hum back in acknowledgement, eyes still fixed on the ceiling.

"What's on your mind?"

Crowley remains still for a minute, holding in a breath of ancient dread as they pondered over how to encapsulate the overwhelmingly conflicting emotions they were feelings, emotions they've felt since the Fall.

"S'nothing, you just get some sleep," they mutter, hoping to whisk away your concern as a way of sparing them from having to confront their emotions.

"Crowley..."

"Y/n?"

"I know when you're lying to me. I can sense that your mind is elsewhere, talk to me."

You pull back from where you laid and propped yourself up on your elbow, in order to fully look at him. Raising your other hand you softly run it through their locks before hooking a hand underneath their chin, turning their face to look at you.

"I'm here," you whisper.

Crowley's eyes search yours and they're met with nothing but adoration. The twinkle of the very stars they've created were nothing but a pale comparison to the light of hope that glimmered in your eyes. The light that no matter how hard they tried to run from, they always found themself running home to.

"It's the torment."

"From?"

"From the fall. Seems silly to dwell on something so ancient, but those demons, that torture..." their voice wavers as dread aches through their spine, "i guess it never really goes away."

Words die on your lips as your heartaches for the pain Crowley's been through. They never talked about what torture awaited for them in Hell after the Fall, but as an angel you could only imagine the suffering that was Crowley's fate.

You hadn't realized how silent you had been until Crowley shifts to sit upright. Mirroring their actions you move to face them and you see the way they try to hide from you as Crowley buries their face within their hands.

"Crowley, I understand I won't ever know what you feel, but one thing I do know is that you don't deserve to live in that pain. Something so vast as the darkness of the universe before you illuminated it with your creation." You gently wrap your hands around their wrists and pull them away to reveal Crowley's eyes reddened from silent tears.

"Let me walk with you, in that darkness."

"You could get lost in it," they shake their head, sniffling as they feel vulnerable by the transparency of their emotions.

"Then let me be lost in it, as long as I'm lost with you." You brush their hair back before your hands softly caress the side of their face.

"It would be your sin, I would be your sin." Crowley's hands creep their way up to your side as they hold onto you tightly, afraid you would realize the wickedness that lies within them and leave in disgust. The space between you and Crowley had shrunk as your foreheads pressed together. Your eyes never left theirs as the pain behind their serpent eyes sought refuge in you. You could feel their warm breath fanning over your lips, and for just a second you dare to move your gaze to look at his lips. Lips that looked so soft and tempting to draw you in. You didn't miss the way Crowley had also flickered to look at yours as well, so when your eyes meet again you felt a certain clarity wave afront as the feelings for the demon you held in your hands could no longer be buried.

"If sin be from thy lips then thus with a kiss I die."

Your words fall as a whispered prayer onto Crowley's ear as you close the spaces between and capture their lips into a soft kiss. After overcoming initial shock, Crowley's lips moved with yours in something so sweet as a sacrament. Yet that sweetness quickly turned into hunger as they kissed back fiercely, hungry for more and you were willing to be devoured whole. The burning within your lungs became too strong and you pulled away. Resting your forehead against Crowley's, as you both caught your breath you look into their eyes and see the mischievous light that you had sorely missed.

"You're in for it this time, love. A whole new world of sin," Crowley rasped lowly, as a wicked smile grew on their face.

"Very well then, give me my sin again."

It's been 423 years since that fateful night that would change the trajectory of Crowley and yours relationship forever. You loved each other in secret, while finding freedom in your relationship on Earth, both of you still feared the consequences you would face if either of your sides caught wind of the true nature of your relationship. It seemed that your relationship only got better with time, Armageddon was a testament of that. With the help of Aziraphale, the two of you managed to prevent a destructive war between Heaven and Hell, and remained living on Earth amongst the crowds of humans whose lives had been spared by your hands. Yet, despite this somewhat happy ending, Crowley knew that the fight wasn't over just.

"If you would just listen to me for once y/n, you would see that we are in danger."

"You're being irrational, Crowley. There is no war!"

Your voice had gone raw from how long you and Crowley had been screaming at each other. Crowley was trying to convince you that Heaven and Hell were conspiring and would be back for their revenge, and soon. You however were stuck in your stubbornness and were determined that their was no danger in sight.

Even with their shades on, you could feel the intensity of Crowley's glare as they stared back at you wide-eyed in disbelief that you could be this blind. Pacing the kitchen floor of his apartment, they pinched the bridge of their nose, trying to calm themselves down even though it felt it was useless.

"Y/n, listen to me," they say lowly, "you, Aziraphale, and I are in trouble. The longer we spend on Earth the longer we walk around with a target on our backs waiting to be killed."

"Crowley please, enough of this," you wave your arms impatiently as you pleaded with them with desperate eyes.

Crowley walks across the kitchen island and stand in front of you, holding your arms tightly within his grasp.

"Come with me."

"What?"

"Come with me. We can leave this place while we still have a chance. We can travel amongst the universe and settle down on any other planet. We can have a new start, turn a new page."

"Crowley, we're fine. I promise there is no danger he-"

"No, but you're wrong y/n, because there is!"

You flinch at the boom of their voice as their hands tighten around you. Fear flashing your eyes as you let out a sharp hiss from their tight grip that burned your skin.

"Crowley! Stop, you're scaring me." You manage to free yourself from their grasp. Breathing heavily, you stare at them frozen in fear, unable to recognize Crowley for the first time.

Crowley's faced drop and seeing the fear that they had instilled in you made their body slack and and a weighted dread sink into their stomach. Averting your eyes as you rubbed over the spots where they once held you, they could feel their heart break. The very hands that they swore to use to protect you, had been the same ones to hurt you. As you hesitated to look back up at the demon, when your eyes met and you saw the inner turmoil within their serpent eyes, you imagined the darkness that Crowley's mind was spiring down upon.

"Crowley I-"

"Don't." They stumble backwards distancing themself, afraid of what else they might do, afraid of hurting you again.

Crowley never meant to hurt you, and deep down you knew this. You two had your fair share of arguments over the course of millenniums but they never once lost control of their emotions and hurt you in the way they just did. Even as Crowley heard your thoughts, reassuring them that they weren't wicked and a danger, it wasn't enough. You knew the risks of being with a demon, and they were always afraid that one day you'd decide that being with them was a mistake and that you'd walk out of their life forever. And now, seeing you in this light, seeing that he hurt you and could hurt you, that scared them more than anything.

"There are somethings that'll never change."

Crowley swiftly made way for the door, feeling the walls of the apartment closing in on them. The shouts of Crowley's name as you quickly followed them fell on deaf ears. You're meet with the pouring rain as you follow Crowley outside into the driveway, the lightning being the only thing illuminating the night sky. The growing rolls of thunder seemed to match your quickened heartbeat as your anxiety grew with Crowley's distancing stride.

"Crowley, please!" Your voice comes out strained as you desperately cry out to Crowley. Opening the drivers side, Crowley stiffens as though fighting with themself to stay or go. Looking back at you, their red locks clinging to their face as their face scrunched in anguish, heart breaking more as they saw the pained look on your face.

"As long as you're with me, you will always be in danger."

The memory of Crowley driving away and leaving you behind replayed in your mind all throughout the night. Flashing days and sleepless nights passed as Crowley consumed your thoughts, unable to hide from the pain that their absence caused. This being the farthest things escalated in your relationship, you clung onto hope that there was a way to come back from this. That Crowley would come back and you could find a way to move past this together.

As days turned into weeks, you felt the hope that once burned so brightly begin to snuff out into smoke as you faced the probable reality that Crowley would never return and that you were left on your own. Well not completely on your own. After noticing how silent things had been from you and Crowley, Aziraphale decided to check in. Unaware of the mess that he would stumble upon, he felt blindsided from the state of things, heart broken too in the wake of Crowley's absence. Yet, seeing your severely distressed state, the angel put his emotions aside in order to attend to you. He took you within his care, hoping to help bring the light back in your eyes and comfort you until Crowley could come back.

Padding down the wooden hallway floors, you rub the fatigue of another sleepless night from your eyes as Aziraphale's door comes into view. Pressing an ear against the door, you found the silence on the other side of the door rather odd as he was usually up by this hour. Knocking lightly against the wooden door, you await to hear a stir yet when you get no response, you open the door to make your way in. Walking inside, the sleeping frame of Aziraphale's body come into view as he begins to stir from the noise of your intrusion.

"Y/N? Is everything alright, dear?" The angels voice come out raspy, fresh from sleep.

"Yea, i'm okay," you croak out, voice weary.

He looks at you for a moment, curious as to your sudden intrusion, not that he was bothered but that it was out of character for you to come to him so early in the day. With slow movements, Aziraphale slowly rises from bed, tightening the robe around himself as he made his way to the window. With a tug, the suns rays engulf the room as it casts its warm light throughout the space. Aziraphale closes his eyes, as though in silent gratitude prayer, and basks in the suns warmth. Looking at him, you can't help but feel a stillness in his beauty, especially with the way the sunlight illuminates his face and casts a celestial orange glow around him. Making him look even more angelic if that were even possible.

"But soft, what light through yonder window breaks," Aziraphale breaks the silence, opening his eyes and turning to face you.

"It is the east, and Crowley is the sun."

"You would deprive that from the Almighty herself?" Smiling brightly, you don't miss the way Aziraphale teases you for your endearing words. You find small comfort in his childish tease and bright smile, not being able to help the way your lips tug upwards at his remark. Aziraphale relishes in the small happiness that flashes across your face, even if brief. It had hurt him to see his love in pain especially at the hand of someone he too loved. Looking back to the window, he finds himself getting lost gazing into the crowded streets of Soho beneath him. A silence settles over the two of you, and your eyes remained fix on his side profile as the emptiness of the gravity of your situation creeps back into your mind.

"Crowley's not coming back." It was you who broke the silence this time, Aziraphale turning to you taken aback with furrowed eyebrows by how matter-of-factly you spoke.

"What ever do you mean?"

"I mean they're gone," you inhaled sharply, "for good this time."

"Well no, not really. I'm sure they'll come back, you know how Crowley gets." Aziraphale. Ever the optimist until the very end.

"Aziraphale-"

"You've always known how dramatic they can be I mean really-"

"Aziraphale-" you call out, his optimism making your wounds bleed even more at the false promises of an angel.

"Look, it's only a matter of time before Crowley walks through that door and everything will be as-"

"Aziraphale!" Your voice angrily booms like a roll of thunder as it bounces off the bedroom walls.

"They're not coming back! Aren't they?!"

Despite your volume, it was your tone that cut like a knife. Even as your voice felt so shaky, you spat those words out like venom that laid bitterly on your tongue. Aziraphale could feel his heart break as he stared into your eyes. Red and puffy from fighting to keep your emotions at bay, but also cold and unwavering as you forced yourself to come to the crossroads of the truth.

"No," he says barely above a whisper, a slight tremble in his voice as he barely shakes his head. "No, i'm afraid not my dear."

You've never seen Aziraphale look so defeated. So hopeless as he stared back into your lifeless eyes. The air around you feels restricted as your throat tightens. Your lips quiver as the painful truth of your beloved angels words echo in your head and settle in your heart. Your vision blurs as tears begin to welt in your eyes before inevitably cascading down your cheeks. Aziraphale then wraps his arms around you, pulling you in a tight embrace as you collapse within his arms. Sobs muffled from where your head laid buried in his chest, the world going silent as an insurmountable wave of grief washes over you, pulling you to drown in a sea of sorrow.

You don't know how long you cried for or even how much time had passed. When you came out of your daze, you realized that you and Aziraphale were on the floor as he pressed soft kisses against your temple, hoping to reel you back into reality.

"Forgive me," you croak, voice spent from lament, "i've been lonely, but it's not like I don't know my way." You try to reassure Aziraphale and yourself as you felt hollowed. Guilt also eating at you for putting the angel in this situation, having to take care of you.

"You have nothing to be forgiven for, my dear" he whispers lowly into your ear. Taking the hands that were wrapped tightly around you, he brings them up to caress your face within them. Your tears have dried by now but that doesn't stop him from peppering tender kisses upon your cheeks. Overwhelmed by his soft touch, you feel your face heat up again as the gentle sentiment causes your emotions to arise again. When he feels a salty tear catch upon his lip, he pulls away to see your glossy eyes staring back into his, searching for some kind of relief.

"But I don't know my way, Aziraphale."

The angel remained at your side for the rest of the day, never leaving you alone for a moment longer than absolutely needed. As he aided to your every need and treated you like a fine china plate- afraid to drop you and shatter into a million pieces. And for a while it helped, it made the pain more bearable, the ache of Crowley's absence less debilitating- but even all of Aziraphale's love wouldn't be enough to ix the hole that Crowley left in your life.

You thought hard about your next move. Calculating everything over in your head a million times but all roads led you back to where you were now. Managing to slip out of the Aziraphale's bedroom in the middle of the night, you made your way back to your original bedroom where you were now packing frantically. You packed as much as you could into your suitcase as you grew restless, wanting nothing more than to run away from this emptiness you fear you would never escape from.

As you left your suitcase by the stairwell, you looked down the hall before quietly making your way back to Aziraphale's room. Once inside, you made sure to leave behind the note that you had written for him on the side where you usually laid. You burn the image of his sleeping frame into your mind, wanting your last memory of the angel to be one where he seemed at peace. Leaning across the bed, you place a soft kiss upon the corner of his mouth, careful not to wake him. He stirred slightly beneath your touch, but still remained in a deep sleep even as you pulled away.

Making way for the bedroom door, you freeze under the entranceway.

"Look back, look back," you thought to yourself, a voice of reason wanting to make itself hear. Despite this, you fought against it and forced one foot in front of the other, because you knew if you looked back you would never leave. The cold air greets you as you make your way out into the streets of Soho, winds blowing harshly as you toss your bag into the backseat of your car. As the engine roars to life and you pull onto the main road, you glance at the rearview mirror where the bookshop fades from view. Silently saying goodbye to the place that had too also become home for you. You don't know exactly where you were headed, but just that you were ready to get there. Ready to go, but never to return.

The next morning, Aziraphale finds himself sitting on the edge of the bed where he gripped the white sheets, frustration and heartache threatening to drown him as he re-read your letter line for line, over and over and over again.

"Dearest Aziraphale,

My love, I'm sorry for the mess I've left for you to clean, it was unfair to you given your own heartbreak. Azira, I cannot thank you enough for what you've done for me now and in the past. But now I must go my own way and figure out what to write in this next chapter for myself. I know things will be difficult for if they weren't... well you see I would've killed Romeo and saved Juliet, but I don't write stories that time won't forget. So please angel, forgive me for grabbing the kerosene and letting it all burn to the ground. I've been looking for meaning, I don't know if I like what I've found. Forgive me for I've been lonely and one day I hope to tell you that I now know my way. I'm sorry. "

#good omens #good omens!crowley #anthony j crowley #crowley x y/n #crowley x reader #crowley x you #aziracrow #aziraphale #aziraphale x reader #neil gaiman #hurt/comfort #hurtful #angst #heavy angst #comfort #ineffable husbands #gn reader #david tennant #michael sheen #aziracrow x reader

[lauriegraham01]

rare is this love, keep it covered

pairing: crowley x angel!reader, gn!reader

summary: sneaking behind heaven and hells back, you and crowley reach the end of the road and he has to make a choice whether or not to let you in

tw: angst, fighting, religious themes, hurt/comfort, lotta hurt at first tho

wc: 1,615

a/n: inspiration stems from run by hozier

In the eons of Crowley's existence there had been very few times where they've felt true pain. Living through devastating natural and manmade disasters, the rise and fall of empires, famine, and death - none of those had left an impact on them quite like the your absence has made in their life.

You and Crowley's relationship could be described as corrupt in the eyes of Heaven and Hell if they knew the true nature of it. The truth was that the two of you had spent centuries pining over each other, but neither of you had acted on it in fear of punishment and bearing the wrath and hatred of some other mans belief. Despite this, you two managed. You knew where your relationship stood, and with this you came to love each other in secret, laws of Heaven and Hell neglected whenever you were in each other's embrace.

Life with the fallen angel was exhilarating, Crowley brought out a side of you that you never thought possible. Danger and mischief seemed to always lurk around the corner but you didn't mind because you knew you were safe as long as you were by Crowley's side. You rubbed off the demon as well, you amplified the gentle side that you knew was always there but they just kept hidden, locked away. You showed them what it felt like to be loved unconditionally and you brought a light into Crowley's life that they'd been searching for since the fall.

While embarking on adventures and loving each other through the monumental and the mundane- the highs were high, but the lows were abysmal. Crowley had their flaws, and you weren't perfect by any means. So whenever you would clash, it felt like the dread of an oncoming war. Pain and destruction would remain whenever you and Crowley were at your worst, and this time you felt that things were too broken, too devastated, too damned to mend.

It had been four months since you left Crowley's apartment in the middle of the night without so much as a note telling of your whereabouts. Crowley, still blinded by their anger brushed it off and assumed that you would return once you've cooled down. But days, turned into weeks, and months and after four months away without so much as a letter or a phone call from you, Crowley knew that the situation was graver than previously imagined. Their self-loathing was immensable, knowing that it was their actions and self-sabotaging that drove you away. It took another angelic intervention to be able to find their way back to you. Aziraphale was the only one who knew of your whereabouts and swore to not say a word of it to anyone - but when his demon friend came into his bookshop, bloodshot eyed and begging to know where you were, well he couldn't help himself.

That's where Crowley found themself now, on coastal roads in the south of France. Growing more impatient and anxious the closer they got to your address. You heard that precious Bentley from miles away before you even heard the knock on your door.

"Piss off!" You shouted bitterly from the other side of the door.

"How'd you bloody even know it was me?" Crowley said surprised that you immediately knew it was them.

"The only one who comes to visit is the mailman and he doesn't blast Queen!"

"Sounds like you need a better mailman," Crowley muttered to themself underneath their breath.

"Look would you just open the fucking d-" Crowley then heard the creaking of a gate opening and closing not too far off in the distance. Groaning in frustration, they march off behind the cottage you were staying at until they find the gate and is met with the sight of you trekking your way through the sands on the rather solitary beach.

Rushing to the shore to meet you, Crowley's met with the raging sea foaming with your loneliness.

"Save it Crowley, I don't want to hear whatever it is you have to say," you shout at them without sparing a look behind as you stomp your way to shoreline where the seafoam of the moving waves soaked your bare feet.

"Well that's not very nice of you, angel," Crowley quips back mockingly.

"You've used up all my niceties, Crowley. I have no more grace to offer you."

"Look love, i'm terribly sorry, okay? I'm sorry for the way we left things when you left. Now can we go home and get off of this fucking beach, you know how much I hate sand."

"No, Crowley." Finally facing them, your cold stare and unwavering tone catches Crowley off guard.

"I'm sorry?"

"I said no," you responded bitterly.

"Look y/n, I know how I am. I'm all ill tempered and hateful and push everyone away until they bugger off for good but for my sake y/n will you just please get in the car?"

"No, Crowley. You hurt me, okay? You don't get to come here and think an apology is going to fix what's shattered here. It doesn't work like that...not this time." As your voice trailed off at the end you stand up taller as you look Crowley in the eye.

Beats of silence pass between the two of you as Crowley tries to find the words to say. They knew it would be hard to be able to clean up the mess they've made, but your cold stare in your eyes made them uneasy in ways they've never felt. Here, you looked almost unrecognizable from the way Crowley's always know you since the dawn of creation. Eyes of wonder that looked into your ancient soul had always been a stark contrast to their hungry eyes carried by sneering menagerie. But now that light of wonder was windowed by pain, and at their hand. Crowley took note of the darkened sky above them and the distant thunder that rolled over the sea. Crowley could feel your anger and pain as you shifted the weather, winds growing stronger as you stood unmoving in front of them. Crowley felt crisp trepidation washing over them, a dread weighing down on them as it settled deep within their stomach.

"You knew what you were signing up for the day that we," flinging their hand between the two of you, "...became us. I told you from the very beginning that I'm too much, I'm scarred and torn beyond repair and I've built walls to protect myself and you from that pain, from that ugly shame."

"That never scared me and you know it, Crowley. I know who you were, who you've always been but you know that you don't have to suffer alone. It hurts me to see you carrying it all alone when I can help."

"S'not fair to you. You deserve better."

"I don't want better Crowley, I want you!" Lighting striking down as you exasperatedly shout back at them.

"I am somewhere outside your life, Crowley. I keep scratching but somehow I can't get in!"

Beneath your sky and punishing cold, Crowley knew that they couldn't live without you. That would be true Hell to them. With their serpent eyes never leaving yours, Crowley does something they haven't done since before the fall. Body slowing sinking down, they kneel before you. As the wind howls through their ginger locks, your breath hitches at the scene in front of you. Marveled at the sight of Crowley baring their onliness.

"My life is in your hands. It always has been."

Their hands creep up, knuckles turning white from clutching onto your side tightly as if with just a thought- in an instant you too would be washed away by the waves.

"In all of my eternity living-aimlessly walking through this earth, for once I see the truth in you. No one sees me but you. Forget Heaven and Hell, they're just words to me. I surrender my life to you, y/n."

The storm raging of ancient misery you've conjured slowly grows weaker as their words fully sink into your soul. You knew Crowley was good at heart, that they weren't inherently evil, but with them kneeling at your feet, their soul exposed and in your hands.

Sinking slowly into the ground you kneel in front of them, as you remain eye-leveled with Crowley you lift your hands to slowly caress their face and upon contact their eyes shut as a shudder escapes their lips. Feeling the dried tears that had fallen down their cheeks.

"Our sides may think that there is something wretched about this but I don't give a damn-I know there's something precious about this. Rare is this love Crowley, I need you to vow to keep it covered."

"With my wretched soul."

A small shudder of a chuckle leaves your lips and for the first time in a very long time, hope embeds itself into your heart with the promise of blossoming fully.

"Your wretched is my precious, my dear."

Crowley's lips curve into a small smile as their chest sinks, exhaling airs of tension they had bottled up.

With arms snaking their way around you even tighter, Crowley pulls you in as they crashes their lips onto yours. Desperate and all consuming, devouring each other other in attempts to make up for all the love lost and this new beginning you've found. With burning lungs you pull away and press your foreheads against theirs. Catching your breath you open your eyes to find Crowley's loving gaze already staring at you.

"Know that I love you, y/n," Crowley confesses hoarsely.

"I know," you say breathlessly. "I love you, Crowley."

#good omens #neil gaiman #crowley x reader #crowley x you #crowley x y/n #aziraphale #anthony j crowley #gomens #good omens!crowley #david tennant #martin sheen

[lauriegraham01]

i know you

pairings: will graham x gn!reader

summary: wills just been released from the baltimore state hospital for the criminally insane, he's lost parts of himself and you try to calm him through the storm that is his mind.

wc: 1,202

a/n: inspo from two songs actually: bobby by alex g, i know you by faye webster, and maybe a line of maroon by ts.

will, you have been my rare gift in this life- <3

It's been four days since Will had been released from the Baltimore State Hospital for the Criminally Insane.

Not even within the hour of being released, Jack Crawford had him back on the field. You added to your list of grievances against Jack when Beverly shot you a text saying Will was working on the case of Miriam Lass. You felt defeated as one of the poisons in Will's life had managed to seep his way in again.

Jack wouldn't allow you to visit Will while he was admitted. He said your personal relationship would interfere with the case against him. As your boss, you knew he was in the right, but as someone who also knew Will, he knew the harm he was doing by placing you out of reach.

When Jack came to your office to tell you of Will's attempt on murdering Hannibal, he had expected any other reaction then the one you had given.

"He's been telling you from the start Jack but you won't listen." Looking up at him you see the unamused look on his face from where he stands towering over your desk.

"What are you implying then?" Leaning over he gets closer as he carries an edge in his voice. You know an intimidation tactic when you see one and you remain unphased underneath his gaze.

"You kill Hannibal, you kill the Chesapeake Ripper. Once you see the murders have you stopped, then you'll believe that it was Hannibal all this time."

You get up from your desk and grab your coat as you make way for the door before granting him one last look.

"Just like Will has been telling you."

Now Will's home, but he's not. After spending a few months locked away as a pawn in somebody else's game, he came back a different man. He lost a piece of himself every day. As everyone turned against him, and without having you as an anchor, he questioned his mind, his sanity, and his reality.

Right now you both sat side by side on the front porch of the farmhouse as you watched the dog's play around in the snow. You never thought that you would get this back, to be able to feel things were normal for even a second and Will wasn't battling forces of evil that were far too intricate for you to comprehend.

"I missed this," you break the silence that hung in the air. " Things feel normal for once."

"I don't think normal is something that I can go back to y/n," his voice came out hoarse, sleep still evident in his throat.

"There's still a chance though, right?" You throw a side glance of him as you bring the cup of your coffee within your hands, up to your lips.

Will stays silent for a while. You weren't sure if even you were waiting for a response, understanding if he didn't. His mind is no longer the way it was months before, operating in an entirely new way as he viewed the world through a different lens.

Yet you remained the same in his eyes. His perfect design. He knew that Jack was punishing him by preventing you from seeing him, and not seeing you for a long time caused irrevocable damage to him. The voices in his head told him that you wouldn't believe him, that you couldn't be with a man as broken as he was, that you didn't love him anymore.

He turned his head to look at your face. As you felt his eyes on you, you met his gaze and he felt his heart swell within his chest. He still felt that rush that surged through him whenever he was near you. Will has loved you through your toughest storms, but he didn't think he was worthy of your undying loyalty, love, and patience.

"Where's your mind at Will?" Voice gentle, afraid that he may shut you out at the sudden curiosity.

"I told everyone Hannibal was a killer...and nobody believed me."

There's a pain so evident in his voice that you've never heard before. An ache so profound so desolate, that it just confirms how it'll be a long time before Will would get even a fraction of his mind back.

"I did," you softly affirmed.

"I do."

"How can you love me?"

"Do you remember when we first met?" His eyebrows scrunch up, not understanding the connection or relevance to the topic at hand. Taking his silence as means to go on, you think back to all those years ago to when you and Will were still in your lunchbox days.

"I grabbed your hand and you tore my dress after I got so upset at the amount of mud that caked at the bottom of it. You've cleaned up so many of my messes over the years Will as I have for you. With you, I've felt things I can't express and I know you've lost your way and made your messes but I'll clean it for you."

You reach out for his hand and with fingers intertwined, he feels a sense of comfort-something that had almost become foreign to him. But of course you were the one to remind him of that feeling, because even after this time you were the candle burning in the bleak of the night. The one shred of hope he had left that there was good in this world, that the raging seas that his mind traveled through would one day calm down to still waters.

"Did you ever lose faith in me?"

"No," you immediately replied.

"I told you a long time ago that I had enough faith for the both of us and I meant it." Squeezing his hand, he took note of how your eyes shifted around as you tried to fight off the intense wave of emotions he knew were consuming you.

"I didn't lose it then even when you tried to have Hannibal killed. I know you had your reasons and I could understand why you did what you did. And there's no way in hell i'm gonna lose it now."

"I love you unforgivably Will, without hesitation." Your voice comes out high pitched towards the end as you felt your throat tightening.

"I'm here regardless of the pain, don't ever tell me to go away from you. I know you, Will. I love you."

He lets go of your intertwined hands before wrapping an arm around you and pulling you closer to him. He laid his chin on top of your head as you burrowed your face into the side of his neck. The scent of his aftershave filled your senses and you let out a heavy sigh, grateful that moments like these could happen. Grateful that Will was here and hopeful that there could be a path to healing.

"I know you too, and I love you y/n," he whispers as he pulls back to capture your lips in a soft kiss. The lips that he knew he could always call home.

#nbc hannibal #hannibal #will graham x reader #will graham #hugh dancy #jack crawford #madds mikkelsen #slight angst #hurt/comfort #hannibal tv

[lauriegraham01]

haunting

pairings: will graham x reader, gn!reader,

summary: will's been going down a dark path and feels like he's losing everything, from control, his sense of self, to reality. he fears he'll lose you too.

tw: nightmares, blood, mutilation, angst, hurt/comfort

wc: 1,348

a/n: based off a nightmare i had a while back that to this day i still think about all the time because it felt too real. only difference is that will was the victim of violence displayed in dream sequence.

Will was shutting himself out.

It wasn't the first time that he had done this but something about this time around felt different, felt more dangerous.

You had seen the way Jack Crawford had been pushing him, and you were afraid it was only a matter of time before Will reached the point of no return. You carried a bit of guilt with you, since you had been the one to bring Will under Jacks radar. You knew about his gifts, his profound sense of empathy, and you thought by joining Jacks team he could make a real difference. While proven to be true, Jack saw a machine that he could constantly use without ever thinking about the rust that he would cause from exhaustion.

The light in his eyes had been slowly going out and you felt helpless as you felt the man you loved drift away from you. Countless nights you'd reach for him only to be met with cold sheets. Only then you would find him outside shivering, untethered from reality as the horrors from the murders he saw daily plagued his mind. Other nights you'd wake up to his shivers as he jerked from nightmares drenched in sweat.

"Will." Your voice comes out groggy as you turn to face the movement you felt within your shared bed. What you see strikes fear in your heart as you see Will shaking, trembling, drenched in sweat as ragged breaths escaped his lips.

"Will, honey wake up," you say tapping his face gently. When you see no response you begin to lightly shake him by his arm, not wanting him to wake up even more scared.

"Please," you whisper, pleading desperately as you give him a rather harder shake.

When his eyes shoot open, his breathing becomes even more rapid as he's brought back to reality.

"Hey, hey, shhh it's alright," you say softly as you let out an air of relief. Finding the tiniest comfort that he was able to come back.

As you push away the damped locks clinging to his forehead, he seems to relax underneath your touch. Wrapping a hand around your wrist suddenly, you're scared that the touch was unwelcomed, that the act of affection had been too much for him in such a vulnerable state. Yet when he moved his hand to place it on top of yours you knew that the opposite was true, that he found solace in your gentle touch.

"I'm here. I'm right here," you whisper before planting a kiss on his temple. He shuddered at the act as he felt overwhelmed by a sea of emotions. After a couple of minutes minutes his breathing evened out and you manage to coax him to sit upright in the bed.

As he hid his face in his hands trying to fully come back down to earth, you rubbed circles across his back hoping that it would help the process.

"I don't think I can do this much longer." His voice comes out muffled as he still had his face hid.

"Will, honey we don't have to talk about it." You tilt your head sideways at him sympathetically, not wanting to push him further into his pain.

"It was real. It was so real y/n." As he turns his head to meet your gaze you can see the pain hidden behind those eyes that carried so many beasts of burden.

"I can't save you, y/n."

Will extended a hand as he wiped the steam from his shower away from the mirror. He had a difficult time staring back at what was in the mirror. Somehow his reflection felt something so familiar yet so foreign. Familiar in the sense that he recognized these features as his own- his mothers eyes, his father hair, only his curls had now grown longer. Yet foreign in the way that he couldn't connect these features to himself, they didn't match the mental reflection of himself in his mind.

Closing his eyes for a second, he shakes his head as he pushes those thoughts aside, not wanting to spiral down a rabbit hole. Reaching for the towel he used earlier, he wrapped it around himself, tucking it lowly on his hips. As he opened the door and into your shared bedroom he was caught off guard by the darkness that consumed the room. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, scanning the room he saw your figure standing at the foot of the bed with your back facing him.

Calling out your name he reached closer to you, as an eeriness settled within his stomach. Extending a hand out as he reached for you and grabbed your shoulder, the sight he saw as you turned around made his blood run cold and his stomach drop.

"Will," you croaked out. Blood soaked through your clothes as a grappling hook had been pushed through your abdomen, flesh tearing and bone exposed and broken as it had clawed it ways through you.

"I'm sorry," was all that you could choke out as blood began to seep its way through the corners of your mouth.

Will took you into his arms as you both sank to the floor, clinging onto you tightly as he felt the world crumble beneath him.

"No, no, no, no. Y/n, stay with me," he pleaded as he took in the sight of your corrupted body. His mind couldn't even form a thought as he saw the way the hook had mutilated you completely from the inside out, hollowing you from the inside.

"Do you hear me? Y/n? You have to stay with me?"

His immediate thought was to call Jack. As he looked around the room frantically racking his brain as to where he left his cell phone, he freezes when he sees as familiar face lurking in the shadows. A face that's followed him everywhere and is there even when he closes his eyes. Garret Jacob Hobbs stands in the corner, face pale and just as lifeless as the last time Will saw him.

His breath hitches in his throat and he feels the room close in on him as he locks eyes with GJH cold lifeless gaze.

"See?" The ghost smiles sinisterly as he breaks eye contact to look down at his work. At the mutilated and dying corpse of the one thing Will loved most in this world.

"Will," you call out softly, "look at me."

If he heard you, he made no effort to obey you as he continued staring straight ahead.

"Will, please. Come back, look at me love."

Will slowly turned his head until he locked eyes with you and he felt the lump in his throat grow bigger and fear climbed it's way up threatening to suffocate him.

You moved cautiously so as not to spook him, you reached over to take one of his hands that gripped the sheets and placed it flat on your chest.

"Do you feel that?"

Will only looked sadly at your sandwiched hands, not knowing whether to trust what was in front of him.

"Will, i'm here and i'm alive." It was only then that Will could feel the faint beat of your heart beneath his hand. Steady and alive.

"I promise you, he can't hurt me."

When Will met your eyes again, his had glossed over and it was only then that he could finally feel relief. Feel secure in your touch and that you being alive was the truth. He buried his head into your chest as he began to sob, feeling his tears fall on your clothes.

Will was fragile. This you knew. His mind was a maze that even he couldn't fully understand. You'd never know if you would truly understand the terrors Will faced but you knew that you would be there to grant him ease of mind. To bring light to the darkness that is his mind because to Will that's what you were. A lighthouse shinning at sea, guiding him back ashore.

"I'm here Will, i'm always here."

#nbc hannibal #hannibal #will graham x reader #will graham #hugh dancy #madds mikkelsen #angst #hurt/comfort #hurtful #garret jacob hobbs

[lauriegraham01]

avengers compound headcannons

pairing: avengers x avenger!reader, gn!reader, poc!reader

summary: list of hc's of what its like to live in the avengers tower/later compound with these group of dumbasses

wc: 538

a/n: sorry i haven't updated in a while, my chronic pain has been kicking my ass recently and uni is starting up but netherless, enjoy!

Domesticity

The Avengers occupy the top three floors of the tower. With Tony and Peppers penthouse on top, a recreational level on the floor below and then the rest of the avengers rooms on the floor below.

Family styled dinners every night. Tony insisted on hiring a private chef for the whole team but Wanda was fiercely against it.

Wanda, Pietro, Sam and you were the ones that actually brought some spice and seasoning to everyones diet.

Bucky and Clint would pinch in by helping wash or cut vegetables.

Tony and Nat would set the table together.

Thor would prepare drinks and Vision and Steve would deal with dishes afterwards.

You would always call be the one to call Loki for dinner. Often finding him either in the library or in the garden, both places giving him peace of mind. (He never minded when you joined him tho)

Social Outings

Movie nights at least twice a month!!!

It initially started with everyone alternating on choosing a movie but democracy was quickly thrown out the window and now yall spent 20 minutes fighting over what to watch.

Going out clubbing in the city always guaranteed a good time.

Especially when Maria and Valkyrie showed up

Visions was ALWAYS designated driver but he truly didn't mind.

Steve, Bucky, Loki, and Thor would pregame on Asgardian ale, While Nat and Pietro would be bartenders for everyone else pregaming.

Bruce would typically stay sober every time we went out after last time he got hammered him, Clint, and Thor woke up in an alleyway with no pants, shoes or socks.

Nat can handle her liquor the best out of everyone. Wanda is an extreme lightweight.

Pietro was more of a stoner and you two would always light up at every chance together.

In fact he was the first person you ever did psychedelics with and the experience was truly euphoric.

Wanda and you are guilty of indulging in a drunk ciggy.

The girls always invited you for every sleepover and it would always start off pure but then end in a chaotic shitshow.

It would start with face-masks, painting each thers nails, before pretty soon after many many drinks, yall would host a karoake/dance party right in the living room.

(Loki may or may not have been in attendance as well)

Chaos

Sam and Bucky would sometimes surprise Peter by picking him up from school and then proceed to bully him the entire way back home.

During debriefs, Pietro would always send you random memes/tiktoks and you would have to try your hardest not to laugh out loud.

Speaking of which, Pietro would constantly post thrist traps on his social media accounts.

Peter would always try to get us involved in his tiktoks.

Whenever you would speak in your native language, the rest of the team would be mesmerized especially Loki, Pietro, Wanda, and Bucky.

Peter would ask you if you could teach him and you obviously taught him all of the swear words.

You and Loki would use your powers to pull pranks on each other and one time things got so out of hand, that Tony kicked both of yall out for a solid week.

Also Pietro totally had a thing for Aunt May at some point, he's down horrendously for MILFS

#marvel #the avengers #avengers 2012 #age of ultron #tony stark #iron man #steve rogers #captain america #bruce banner #clint barton #hawkeye #black widow #natasha romanoff #thor odinson #loki laufeyson #sam wilson #peter parker #tom!spiderman #pietro maximoff #wanda maximoff #maria hill #brunnhilde

[lauriegraham01]

forever & always | erik lehnsherr

pairings: erik x reader, (cherik x reader if you squint)

summary: it's been years since erik abandoned you on the sands on cuba. when fate - or rather a friend from the future, logan - steps in and forces your paths to cross, what feelings will ensue?

w/c: 2,272

a/n: follows the events shown in days of future past, inspiration drawn from "forever & always" by taylor swift. been working on this one for the past week, apologies for the delay, life can be cruel but the storm only lasts one night.

The brightness of the sun was blinding as its rays bleed through the curtains of your room, shining in your eyes prompting you to wake up with a groan. Reaching out for Charles youre disappointed as you feel nothing but the cold sheets where his side of the bed laid empty. A headache settles in within your head, throbbing unforgivably. As you look over to your nightstand you read your clock.

2:47 p.m. Another day wasted away in bed.

You had gotten little sleep the night before. Scenes of sand plaguing you in your dreams echoing the trauma from all that you've lost.

You're on a beach in a Cuba. You don't know yet that it's the end of the world- the end of your world. Black spots cloud your vision. You're losing too much blood. Footsteps staggered as your breathing comes out labored- trying to make sense of what happened.

Erik.

Charles and you had been caught in the crossfire of his war against humans and now you both were paying the price for it.

"Erik?!" Your voice rings clear in his head. He exhales a shaky breath, one that he can't seem to breathe out enough. Charles laid in his arms paralyzed and betrayed. His heart broken at the pain he's caused and remorse washes over him as he sees the man in his grasp slips further away into a world of unfathomable pain. Leaving Charles within Moira's grasp he then makes his way to you. Discarding his metal helmet in the process.

"Y/N." Erik cautiously places his hands at your side. Taking in how much blood seeped through your suit.

“Erik what’s happened to Charles? Is he alright?" With eyes widened, you wait for him to bring some clarity to the chaos that happening.

“Y/N stop. You’re losing too much blood," Erik said carefully. Looking down he sees your hand pressed to your side. Carefully lifting it, he lets out a sharp gasp as he sees the tear in your suit where the bullet pierced your skin.

A choked cough escapes your lip as a bit of blood rushes through the side of your mouth. You feel your knees buckle underneath you and Erik catches you in time, placing you in his arms as you both sink to the sand.

“Erik?” Your voice rings within his head, even telepathically your voice sounds strained, hurt. “Did you do this?”

"I’m sorry, my love,'" it comes out a whisper. Even without your powers you knew exactly where his mind was at. By the solemn expression on his face and the distant look in his eyes you knew that he was leaving.

"Erik, please," you plead.

"I can't stay here. Look at all that I've caused."

"Erik, don't do this. Stay."

"I cant." He says through gritted teeth, the pain sharp on his tongue like a blade.

"You can. You have a family here, you have people who care and love you- I love you Erik."

His face was taut, twisted in a sea of emotions as he thought of the path that he was walking down- and the love that he would lose in the process.

"This is a war that I have to fight alone. I have to go down a road that you can't follow me on."

"Erik, please." You place a hand on his cheek and he closes his eyes and lets out a heavy sigh. Burning the feel of your touch for what he believes would be the last time.

"I'm sorry my love."

He takes your hand and places a kiss onto it before walking away, fading into view with your heart breaking with every step he takes.

"Charles?" You call to him like a ship lost at sea.

"I'm right here. I'm right here darling." His voice rings out softly in your head. By the labors of his breath you know that he's fighting through his pain. You shiver as you feel a coldness drape over you, slumping further into the sand as exhaustion wins its fight over you.

“I’m scared.”

"Stay with me. We'll make it through this together." Charles voice fades out as your vision fades to black.

It truly was a miracle that you even pulled through at all. Hank managing to save you within an inch of your life. An unpleasant feeling sits deep in your stomach as you try to shake off the scenes replaying in your head. Before the guilt of wasting the day away consumes you, you rise up out of bed and make way for the kitchen. The halls were quiet now, faded were the days where students once roamed freely. When the war in Vietnam began, students and teachers alike were being drafted and many never returned home. Wallowing in his grief, Charles closed the doors to the school.

So you and Hank stayed behind in the mansion. Hank tinkered away on his own plans and research and you remained by Charles side as you both tried to process and move through each others grief. When Hank created a serum that gave Charles the ability to use his legs again you had thought things would get better, but time would reveal how wrong you were. Things ultimately took a turn for the worst, as Charles became dependent on the serum and became an alcoholic, he had turned into a version of himself that you never thought possible. He was short-tempered and full of rage at any given moment. Hank got the worst of it, and at times you thought about leaving but you knew that you wouldn't- Charles knew that you couldn't.

Yet, it would be wrong to put the entire blame on Charles for the way things were. The truth was that you too had turned to your vices to quiet the voices within your own head. Falling in love with little thin white lines and drowning yourself in the bottom of bottles, you too had spiraled into your own world of self-destruction just as Charles had. Your relationship hadn't necessarily been the most stable it's been either. It seemed that you and Charles were constantly at each's others throat nowadays but it wasn't always bad days. Despite the screaming matches, both of us turning to our vices, there was still something tethering us together-whether it be love or a trauma bond was becoming unclear as time passed.

As you enter the kitchen, you note the bottles and needles still littering the kitchen table. Charles must've been up all night-again. Fancying a tea you turn the stove on as you fill a kettle with water. you feel the house rumble just a bit. Looking towards the ceiling you can make out heavy footsteps as though someone were being chased. Just then a yell can be heard following a hard crash. Following the source of the disturbance, you enter the foyer where Charles, Hank, or rather Beast, and a strange man come into view.

"Charles? What's going on here?" Making your way across to the staircase where Charles sat on.

"Nothing darling this gentlemen was just leaving," with a scotch in hand he waves to the strange man.

"Afraid I can't do that because I was sent here for you." Taking a closer look at him you note that he's rather tall. He carries himself confidently, head held high in his brown leather jacket.

"Well tell whoever it was that sent you that I'm...busy," Charles trails off.

"That's gonna be a little tricky because the person who sent me here...was you."

"What?" Charles and I let out simultaneously.

"About fifty years form now. Look I kno-I know, stay with me," he pleads with us.

"Excuse me?" Crossing your hands over your chest you look over to Charles and you both share a puzzling look before facing the stranger in front of you again.

"Fifty years from now like in the future fifty years from now ?" Charles quips.

"Yeah."

"I sent you from the future," Charles asks amused.

"Yes, Charles," he says with a roll of his eyes, growing aggravated by our refusal to believe him.

"Piss off," Charles spits bitterly.

"Charles..." you place a hand on his shoulder.

"If you had your powers you'd know I was telling the truth."

With that you use your powers to enter his mind, not expecting what was awaiting you. Hazed memories of the man you now know is Logan, consumed your senses as you traveled within his world of memories. Fear melted on your tongue as you saw the horrors of the reality that the future held, pain and genocides lurking within every corner and within the midst of it-hope. Hope that the future could be rewritten. Voices and faces so familiar yet so unknown, as though you've known them, a version of them.

Leaving his mind, you stumble as you adapt back to this reality, piecing together the meaning behind Logan's memories. Charles immediately stands up to catch you before you fall.

"y/n?" Charles calls, voice shaky as he holds you. Your breath comes out shaky as you cling to him for support. "Charles he's not CIA." Looking up at Logan he meets your gaze with understanding eyes, grateful that now someone believes him.

"y/n-" Hank calls out doubtfully.

"Hank, I know what I saw," you affirm sternly.

"Are you alright? What are you talking about?" Charles desperately searches your eyes for some kind of clarity.

"I'm fine, Charles. He's not CIA or FBI. I got in his head and I-", the words seem to die on your tongue. How do you explain what you saw without seeming mental? "I saw you...but older. From the future."

You swallow the lump within your throat. Charles furrows his eyes in confusion, not knowing what to make of your revelation.

"Erik too. I saw all of us, together preparing for what I fear may be our doom."

From then you managed to convince Charles and Hank that Logan was indeed telling the truth and that he needed our help in ensuring the survival of mutants. The four of you ventured on the plan that Charles, from the future, had set out. Which led you to where you were right now, on a plane seated next to Charles with Erik in front of you. Breaking him out of the Pentagon had been no easy task, but with the help of a new speedster friend, the lot of you succeeded with somewhat minimal damage in the process.

"y/n I-"

"Shut up," you cut Erik off.

He puffs out a defeated sigh as he looks up at you with those pleading eyes of his. You had imagined what it would be like to see Erik again. You spent the best of years waiting for him to come back, to fix what he had broken. You knew you should've given up when news got out of his attempted assassination of the president, but it was moot. A part of you still loved Erik, a part of you still saw the good in him.

"Look I want to apologize for what I did."

"For what exactly? Cause there's a long list of things left unsaid," Charles shoots back bitterly.

"Charles" you mutter and he backs down. You know how hard this is for him too, seeing Erik. Having him within arms reach yet him being worlds away from the man that you two knew and loved.

"He's right," Erik says sitting upright in his seat, "I did things and people got hurt in the process."

Your eyes look sharp and steady into the empty parts of him, heart heavy with the hatred of his own beliefs and the pain that its inflicted.

“I’m sorry Charles for what happened, I truly am. Not a day passed where I let myself forget it, I never meant to hurt you."

The anger practically radiates off Charles as his leg anxiously bounces even faster. He then climbs up from his seat before storming off passing you and Erik until he disappears from view.

"He'll come around," you mutter.

"I know," Erik sighs. "Charles has a flair for the dramatics."

Your lips betray you as they curl into a small smile. Locking eyes with him you feel the guard you had fought so hard you built to distance yourself from him, rumble threatening to drop into ash.

"I missed you everyday, y/n."

"Erik please-"

"I couldn't escape you even if i tried. You know that better than I do."

"I thought I knew you, now I'm not so sure," you whisper barely loud enough for Erik to register.

Slumping further into his seat, the guilt settles deeper in his bones. He knows he'll never forgive himself for what he did that day on the beach. Yet, sitting here in front of you he wants nothing more than to be able to be loved by you again.

"I couldn't save you.." he croaks. Eyes glossy as tears began to pool his eyes.

"That didn't mean you had to go. Erik, we could've fought through it, together."

“I was too blind to see that I hurt the ones I love. I carry the weight of my crimes every day."

"You don't have to carry it alone." Hesitantly you reach your hand across to grab his. He's still warm to the touch just as you remembered, rubbing smooth circles over his knuckles with your thumbs, you savor the feel of him, having been deprived of it for so long.

"There's still time to make things right."

"I'd like that." Bringing your interlocked hand to his lips he places a kiss on top of your knuckles.

#erik lehnsherr x reader #magneto x reader #magneto imagine #cherik x reader #charles xavier x reader #charles xavier #erik lehnsherr #xmen #xmen movies #marvel #xmen fanfiction #marvel fanfiction

[lauriegraham01]

i'll never smile again

pairings: 40s!bucky barnes x reader, nurse!reader

summary: with you and bucky away to fight in the war, you both can't wait to come back home and begin the rest of your lives together. what's left of your plans when a mission goes sideway? could you and bucky have been born so unlucky?

w/c: 1,423

c/w: takes place in CATFA, ANGST, major character death, themes of grief

a/n: this has taken me the longest to edit, not sure if im completely satisfied with the ending but it's enough. hope u enjoy, lmk if you like :)

Time of death: 14:37

You hang your head low in defeat, the death of another soldier baring on your soul. There truly was only so much that you could do. He had come in completely mutilated from barbed wire and eyes blinded form tear gas. With limited options, you and your team of fellow nurses ensured that he could be comfortable for his passing. One of the other nurses raises the white sheet to cover his face, and you gather yourself to move on to the next patient.

You had joined the army nurse corps a little over a year ago. There was news that we were loosing soldiers faster than we could kill enemies and you decided to join the war effort, believing you could do some good for your country. Nothing prepared you for the horrors you faced daily, the chaos and death that surrounded your every breath.

However you weren't alone in your pain. Your two best friends, Steve and Bucky had too joined the war. They along with the rest of the Howling Commandos were going on missions targeting Hydra bases. There was only so much they could tell you, but the little they did still left you uneasy. It just seemed so dangerous and you worried about the both of them- especially Bucky.

Bucky and you had only been dating for two years when news of the U.S. joining the war broke out. Yet after a lifetime of friendship you felt like he knew you better than anyone else in this world. You two had agreed that when the war was over, you would finally get married. These days it was your future plans with Bucky that gave you the strength to survive the war. That, along with the letters that he sent. Writing in detail about what missions he and Steve were on and how things were looking on his side of the war.

The rest of the day had passed by in a haze. By the time you returned to the nurses quarter on base, you feel the full weight of the day in the way that your back aches. Upon looking in the mirror you wince at the amount of blood that's caked into your face and hands. A shower lifts your spirits as you feel the stress from the day drain along with the water. Stepping back into the sleeping barracks, you squeeze past the crowd of nurses until you reached your cot. As you tuck your uniform away you see a letter placed on the pillow. Lifting it up with curiosity, you flip the envelope and a smile tugs at your lips.

Bucky.

You tear open the letter eagerly, it had only been a week since you had last heard from him but it felt like eternity waiting between letters. Unfolding the pages within your hand you read each line carefully, hearing his voice with each word, imagining as though he were reading it to you. As he told you about his latest mission, fear threatened to creep its way into your heart. Yet as you got to the last page, you inhaled a sharp breath- the world around you seeming to go quiet in that moment.

“Doll, I’ve done enough thinking, and I know what I want. I’ve loved you for a lifetime. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me and I know that there's no one else for me but you, y/n. I wish I could ask this in person but I cannot go another day without you knowing how much you mean to me. When the war is over we’ll get married and I’ll grow flowers like you, and your womb will carry the most beautiful girl in the universe. Make me the happiest man alive - will you marry me?”

You fell backwards onto your bed and closed your eyes, Bucky's words burned into your mind. Tears began to well up at your eyes as your heart soared at Bucky's proposal. Bucky wanted to build a life with you. You began to imagine your wedding day. The familiar faces that would gather to celebrate your love, what it would be like to become the mother to his children, and to be able to grow old with him. As you thought about this, you couldn't contain your excitement anymore. Hastily rising from bed, you make your way to the center of the room before grabbing the attention of your fellow nurses.

"I'm getting married!" You shouted, all the nurses turned to look at you before ensuing in cheerful screams. They all congratulated you and gave you and Bucky well wishes for the future.

As you and the nurses were still caught in the excitement of the news, you were suddenly interrupted when a knock rang on the barracks front door.

As everyone scurried to stand in formation, you felt relieved when you saw that it was Steve and Peggy who had walked through the door.

"Officer y/n, would you please come with us for just a moment?" Peggy speaks up.

Stepping out of formation, you grab your coat as you follow behind the two, stepping out in the cold winter air.

"Steve!"

"Angel." He coos as he brings you in for a hug. It had been about 8 months since you'd last seen him. While you were happy to see him, you were slightly taken aback to see him here.

"What on earth are you two doing here?" You breath out as you go to pull away from his embrace. When Steve's grip on you suddenly tightens, you're slightly confused. Looking up at Peggy and seeing the solemn look on her face you know that something was wrong.

“Steve?”

"I'll give you two a minute." Peggy excuses herself, making her way toward the field to give us some privacy.

“Steve, hey, hey, what's going on?" As he finally lets you go you look up into his eyes to see that they were glossy with tears threatening to spill over.

“Hey,” you hook a finger underneath his chin fixing his gaze from the ground onto you, "talk to me. I'm here, what's wrong?"

“It’s Bucky, he’s… he’s gone.”

A dreadful weight settles deep in the pit of your stomach as Steve looks at you in a way he's never before. So full of regret and heartache. You search his face for any type of deceit, any indication that what he said had been a terrible lie and that Bucky was alright- but to your avail you could find none.

Steve went on about the mission leading up to Bucky's final moments but it fell on deaf ears as your mind was anything but tethered to this reality.

"No, no." You mumble underneath your breath as you stumble backwards a bit.

"Woah-hey," Steve grabs a hold onto you, steadying your grounding. "I'm so sorry y/n."

“He can’t be gone," your voice comes out strained in a high pitch, "he just can’t be.” Your vision blurred as the crushing weight of reality settled within your head and within your heart.

Bucky was gone- for real this time. There was no rescuing him, there was no saving him.

You felt Steve wrap his arms around you as you buried your head into his chest. That seemed to be the tipping edge as before you knew it a sob began to wrack out of your lips. You cried for all the plans you've made. For the memories and time now stolen from you.

"We were supposed to get married." You manage to choke out between ragged breaths.

"I know, angel," he said softly. "I know."

When you returned to the barracks, it was lights out and you wanted nothing more than to go to sleep and wake up from this terrible nightmare. You found it cruel how the last time you were within these walls you were an engaged woman, and now you return a widow. Memories of Bucky plagued your every thought as your own grief made you restless, sleep evading you.

Bucky and you had shared a lifetime of memories. Growing into the versions of yourselves that both of you had come to love. Now they'll forever be a hole left where the rest of the story should have been written. When you return home, you'll return a widow. You'll never be able to hold him, to touch him, to marry him, have a family with him-

"I'll never love again", you thought to yourself. "There's no getting over you."

#40s bucky #bucky barnes #marvel #mcu #marvel fanfiction #bucky angst #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #sebastian stan #40s bucky x reader

[lauriegraham01]

40s!headcannons - steve & bucky

pairings: steve rogers x reader, bucky barnes x reader

summary: headcannons of steve and bucky from the 40s.

w/c: 645

content warning: minor angst, mentions of domestic/child abuse, fluff, mention of smoking/drinking.

Steve Rogers

Steve always being shy to show affection, for fear of rejection. So whenever you initiate acts of affection, he goes red and his heart does somersaults.

He doesn't like to talk about his dad much, it still hurts to think about the abuse he and his mom faced because of him.

But he sometimes misses the way his dad was before the abuse started but he feels wrong for missing someone who caused so much pain.

Steve first learned how to draw from recreating the human anatomy because he had a curiosity for medicine, taking after his mother who was a nurse.

Steve learned how to do everything around the house- cooking, cleaning, hell he even knew how to sew. His mother had instilled the importance of knowing how to take care of yourself within him at a young age.

Coming from Irish-Catholics, he and his mother would attend mass frequently.

Steve loved midnight Christmas mass the most.

Loved reading and saving up to buy new books and comics.

Was the type of kid to hide underneath the covers with a flashlight just so that he could read late at night.

He memorized the entire subway system at one point.

His favorite places to take you on dates would be parks and record shops.

Textbook definition of a gentleman, would open every door for you, walk closest to the street, give you his jacket if your cold, and drop you off at your doorstep after a date.

After the serum, he still wasn't used to his new body so he would still accidently buy clothes that were too small.

Steve wrote to you and told you everything about what he was doing while away.

This man would lose his mind every time you sent him a photo of yourself in your letters.

Worshipped the ground you walked on and treats you nothing short of a queen.

He was afraid that his inexperience would be an issue and after reassuring him that it wasn't he fell even deeper in love with you.

Needless to say Steve loved learning new things with you ;)

Bucky Barnes

Bucky was openly affectionate and it often meant that you would get dirty look from girls who had a crush on him because they were jealous that Bucky was paying to attention to you.

Bucky is Jewish (especially considering that his character is based on another Jewish character/has Jewish influences)

He would invite Steve over for Seder dinners every year.

Bucky cannot cook to save his life, his role in the kitchen often being helping cut veggies or wash dishes.

Bucky was a naturally loud person seeing as he lived with four sisters and had an all around loud household/family.

Bucky picked up street-boxing when he was 13.

Steve hated this. Often having to be the one to patch up Bucky after a nasty fight.

Bucky could understand and even speak a little bit of Spanish, learning from friends and from girls he'd dated before.

Bucky would sneak up the fire escape to be able to knock on your window and see you late at night.

Bucky smokes, but never around you or Steve out of respect.

He is a sappy drunk. He will go on and on about how much he loves you and how beautiful you are.

He can handle his liquor.

He loved going dancing with you- especially at jazz clubs.

An absolute sucker for rhythm and blues.

He knew that he wanted to marry you, but he wanted to wait until after the war to get married.

He had the ring picked and locked away.

He kept a picture of you tucked away in his coat pocket, admiring the picture everyday while overseas.

He wrote to you often, asking about how things were back home. Your responses giving him hope that this war would end soon and he's come back home to you.

#40s bucky #40s steve rogers #bucky barnes #captain america #steve rogers #pre serum steve #bucky barnes x reader #steve rogers x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #steve rogers fanfiction #fluff #slight angst #marvel

[lauriegraham01]

i wish we could be honest

pairings: tasm!peter parker x gn!reader

summary: peters been pulling away and try as you might you wonder if there's anything left to save.

wc: 1,281

cw: angst, fighting, feeling worthless, eventual fluff at the end, hurt/comfort. based on the song "honest" by the neighbourhood.

patience test my patience

You didn't how things escalated the way they had. You and Peter constantly at each others throats, throwing hurtful words at each other and pushing past each others boundaries. You do know that things weren't always this ugly though.

You and Peter had attended the same schools for years but it wasn't until you were paired as lab partners for a chemistry class in high school that the two of you had actually gotten close. From there you two spent all of your free time together, your friendship blossoming into something beautiful until one fateful night he took you on a rooftop picnic where you could see the beautiful New York skyline and asked you to be his. From that moment on, you two became each others world and you only grew closer.

As time went on, it seemed that Peter and your relationship only grew stronger. Eagerly talking about the future and what plans you both had. You had big ambitions on moving away and attending university in Europe in hopes of becoming a lawyer. Peter had been nothing but supportive of your goals, never making you feel less than for wanting to move away and even pushing you to do your best.

I hope you find a way to be yourself someday

When Peter introduced you to Aunt May and Uncle Ben, you were overwhelmed by their instant acceptance. They were so welcoming of you and treated you as though you were apart of their family, which you were grateful for. Peter opened up to you about his past and how he came to live with his Aunt and Uncle and how grateful he was to them. So when you heard the news of his Uncle Ben's passing you knew that his world would be completely rocked. You tried your best to be there for him but he didn't always make that easy. He begun to shut himself out from everyone and while you understood where he was coming from, it still hurt. Peter and you went through a bit of a separation.

I pray for the best, I pray for the best for you

It had been weeks since you had last seen or heard from Peter. He was nowhere to be found at school and all your messages and calls went unanswered. It wasn't until you came to Aunt May with your concerns that you were finally able to get word about him. After getting an earful from his aunt, he decided to give you a call just to tell you he was alive. It was there that you had convinced him to meet you here at the pier so that you could talk things out.

You wrapped your jacket around you tighter as another cool breeze blew past you, sending a shiver through your bones. It was late and dark out, you weren't completely alone though- with a couple of other people walking and hanging nearby so it wasn't totally unsafe. Things in Queens had actually quieted down recently, crime was declining and you had your theories as to how so-mapping it out to the masked vigilante that the Daily Bugle couldn't seem to get enough of.

Letting a deep exhale and watching the fog from the cold air blow, you make out Peter's figure in the distance and you stand up slightly. It had been a long time since you were nervous to see Peter and the feeling felt almost foreign.

“You wanted to see me?” His voice came out flat and emotionless. You give him a once over and judging from the bags forming underneath his eyes you knew he wasn't getting any sleep.

“Peter, what's going on? I haven't seen you in weeks and I know you're not okay so would you tell me what's wrong?"

"I-I'm fine." He lets out a dry laugh.

"Seriously I'm good, you don't have to worry about me."

"Peter, we can't keep doing this. I cant keep doing this- pretending we're fine when were not, not when you're pulling away and shutting me out.”

“I’m not shutting you out, I’m right here!" He protested, raising his voice at you.

“No you’re not!" Volume matching his, you close your eyes and let out a defeated sigh.

"I wish you could be honest with me." Peter didn't know why but hearing that from you had hurt more than the distance he's wedged between you two.

"The truth is I…I can’t feel you anymore Peter.”

Peter closed his eyes and rolled his head back as he tried to collect himself. He wipes his hands over his face in frustration before adverting his gaze back onto you. As he looks into your eyes he can see the pain behind them. The pain that you're trying so hard to keep at bay.

The pain that exists because of his own hand.

“You have to trust me, y/n. I’m trying to protect you.”

“Oh screw you Parker! I don't need your protection, I can handle myself just fine."

“Y/n it's complicated. Please just-”

“No!” You snapped, anger laced in you voice and if looks could kill, Peter would be long dead.

"Look Peter, I love you but I'm not the type to sit around waiting on a guy to make up his mind," you explained. " I know you're hurting, but you don't have to hurt alone, Peter. Whatever it is I am here with you because I want there to be an after for us."

Peter knew that you were right, he knew that he didn't have to do it alone and that you would help him carry it, and he hated himself for it. He hated himself for having so much baggage to put on you. He always thought that you deserved better than him. Someone who wouldn't drag you down. That's why he had pulled back, in hopes of self-sabotaging his relationship and that you'd realize that you were in fact better off without him.

"I haven't been completely honest with you, y/n."

"Go on," you implore, brows burrowing in confusion.

"Okay. Okay. There's something i've been hiding, this uh-part of me if you will," he said struggling to find the right words. "I wanted to protect you because I figured the less people knew about it the better but...i'm spiderman." he looks up at you nervously.

“That's it?"

Peters stares back at you dumbfoundedly, taken aback from your lack of a reaction. He honestly expected for you to be shocked or have some sort of reaction but you seemed unphased by the confession.

"Uh-y-yea that's it."

"I've known for months now, Peter. It really doesn't take much to figure out why you end up so many bruises and why you're always tired and sneaking out at night."

“And that doesn't bother you?"

"Oh, Peter. No of course not, my love." You step forward closing some of the distance between you two. Raising a hand up to cup his cheek your thumb softly stroking his cheek. You missed the feel of him and you basked in the warmth of his touch.

"The people you've saved, the way you protect this city-Peter, you're a hero. If anything I'm amazed by you."

Peter's left speechless. He truly didn't deserve you. He was amazed by how accepting you were to his secret. As he looked into your eyes he saw nothing but love within your e/c eyes staring back at him.

"Why'd you stick around? Why'd you stay with me?"

"Because I love you Peter." You rest your forehead against his as your hands lower to find his, intertwining your bare hands within his gloved ones.

"I love you too."

#tasm!peter x reader #tasm peter parker x reader #tasm peter parker #peter parker #andrew garfield #tasm spiderman #spiderman fanfiction #marvel mcu #light angst

[lauriegraham01]

girl next door

pairings: ethan morgan x vampire!reader, sarah x reader (platonic), gn!reader

summary: after spending more time with ethan, reader wonders if what she feels for him pushes the boundaries of friendship. fluff/kissing, idiots in love. set in summer break during college.

wc: 2,432

a/n: i'll create a masterlist once i've published 5-10 fics seeing as this is a multifandom acc, hope u enjoy this is my longest fic to date. mbav has always been a comfort show of mine and i love ethan <3

Summer vacation had brought winds of change in Whitechapel. After an eventful year together of dealing with the supernatural, we hoped for the chance to unwind a summer away from monsters and college.

You and Sarah had got a job as servers at the local diner and were so excited to be working together. Sometimes after your shift you'd go out to find a bite, hoping to find something that could satisfy your appetites. Afterwards, the whole gang would get together and find something to do for that day. However, most days you'd swing by Ethan's place after work hoping to spend more quality time with him one-on-one. He'd been working as a counselor at the local science camp and you'd help him make up activities to do with the children the following day. Other days the two of you would waste the afternoon away at the pool or on his couch with movie marathons. You'd leave his place around dinnertime, not wanting to seem rude for not having an appetite for Mrs. Morgan's cooking, and you'd walk back home. Later on in the night, the two of you would talk on the phone well into the night.

However, the two of you spending more time together didn't go unnoticed- especially by Sarah.

“Y’know I understand if you’re not ready to go public about you and Ethan but I mean c'mon. Y/n, c’mon, I'm your best friend you could’ve at least told me!”

Sarah had manage to bring up the topic as you told her about your plans to hangout with Ethan that night.

"Sarah, what are you even saying?” Letting out an amused laugh as you wipe down the counter that separated the two of you.

“Benny called me complaining about how he never gets to hang out with Ethan anymore ever since you and Ethan started going out or whatever."

"Oh that is so not- look Ethan and I aren't dating!"

"Look I don’t care that you’re dating Ethan, congratulations- but the fact that I had to hear it from Benny is seriously messed up.” Sarah huffed as she feigned a look of hurt.

“Sarah, Ethan and I are NOT dating. We just hang out a lot, that's all but that doesn’t mean we’re dating.”

“Uh-huh" Raising her eyebrows at me not even the slightest bit convinced.

“I swear!” You raise your arms defensively.

“Look, I knew it was only a matter of time and honestly I’m surprised it even took this long.” 

“What do you mean?” You shift your full attention to her, setting the towel in your hand down.

“What do I mean? Y/n I may be dead but I’m not dumb. Anyone with a brain can see that you and Ethan are totally in love with each other and have been for years.” She smiled knowingly at you.

“We are not in love with each other."

"Bullshit."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yes! Remember how crushed Ethan was when you were dating that frat guy and how he was there to help you through that mess?"

"He was just being a good friend."

"He drove down to New York for the weekend just so that you wouldn't feel alone."

The two of you just stared at each other, the memories from that weekend replaying back in your mind. It had come as a surprise when Ethan knocked on you dorm door with a bag full of your favorite snacks in hand. He had heard from Sarah about your breakup and didn't tell anyone about the drive he made to you, not wanting to ruin the surprise. The two of you spent that weekend wasting away eating junk food and watching movies in your bed as he offered his full support in your emotional state.

“Look, I'm not sure he even likes me, Sarah. For all I know he just sees me as a really good friend and wants nothing more than a friendship. Plus I’m a vampire, who knows if he’ll even want to be with me considering that he’ll get older and move on in his life, but there’s only so much ‘growing’ I can do before I have to start over again. At the end of the day I’ll just be seventeen forever.”

Letting out a defeated sigh, Sarah looked at you with a blank stare, she understood where you were coming from, your fears reflecting much of her own. Despite her empathy, she was determined to not let you sabotage an opportunity at being happy.

“Y/N, I understand your fears. Trust me, no one gets it more than I do," reaching across the counter she places a sympathetic hand on top of yours. "but I know Ethan."

"He’s been in love with you since like the day he met you and I swear I've seen him fall in love with you more every day. I can't tell you that it'll be easy or uncomplicated but I do know that if I were you- I'd take the risk. Cause thinking about the 'what if's' are more tormentful than any rejection could be.” 

As her words sank in, flashes of some of the best memories between you and Ethan flashed into your mind. All the adventure spent fighting the supernatural together, movie marathons, high school dances, how much it hurt to move away for college, the holidays spent together, and the parties you've dragged him to. You loved every moment spent with him - both the mundane and the momentous. Maybe you had been denying your feelings for Ethan all these years, probably due to fear but what fun is life playing it safe? Whatever problems that would arise you would deal with them one at a time. The truth sank in heavily within you- it's been Ethan all along, and you were too blind to have seen that before.

Reaching over the counter, you catch Sarah off guard as you smush her into a bear hug.

"Thank you." You muffled into her hair. With that you untie your apron tossing it behind the counter as you grab your bag in a hurry.

“Call me tonight and tell me everything!” Sarah called out as you made your way out of the diner. The walk to Ethan's seemed to be eternal- thoughts racing with each step you took. The closer the view of his house appeared, the more your nerves consumed you. Letting a deep breath in, you let a shaky exhale before knocking on his front door.

“Coming!” You heard him shout from inside, his footsteps becoming echoing loudly as he raced down the stairs before hurriedly opening the door.

“Oh, hey y/n! I didn’t know you were coming by today, my folks just left so we have the house to ourselves if you wanna keep watching X-Men First Class.”

As he smiled back at you sort of breathless from running down the stairs, you tried to savor this moment, in case it was the last one you had of him from before things could change.

"Actually I was wondering if we could talk.”

His eyebrows furrowed at the question as he was caught off guard.

“Uh y-yeah sure c’mon in.” He stuttered, nerves beginning to settle within him from your serious manner.

As you make your way inside the house you make your way up to his room with Ethan right behind you. As he shuts the door to his bedroom he takes note of the way you pace back and forth across his room.

“So what is it that you wanted to talk to me about?” He said as he sat on the edge of his bed. You come to a halt in front of him and stare at him for a couple of seconds. He flashed a nervous smile and it dawned on you how off-putting this must be for him to see you so worked and not knowing why. You flash him a just as equally nervous smile before stepping over to his bed and sitting to where you were facing him.

“Ethan, we've been friends for a while now and recently we've been spending even more time with each other than usual. While I enjoy our time together, I’m afraid I haven’t been completely honest with you-” 

“Okay if this is about all the superhero movies we watch, we can watch something else. I'm totally fine with that." He blurts out cutting me off mid sentence.

"And we don’t have to keep building lego sets either if that’s what this is about.” He looked up at you with the most gleaming apologetic eyes ever which only made the nerves within your stomach intensify.

“No Ethan look-”

“We can do other things too. We can do cool things. We can take a road trip together out of town or go out clubbing more. Whatever it is y/n, I don't care I just wanna spend more time with you.”

“Ethan, I don’t care what it is that we do together!” I blurt out rather loudly taken both of us aback at how loud the statement came.

“Wait you don't?” Ethan's face scrunched in confusion.

“No Ethan! I don't give a shit what we do as long as we’re together because I don’t ever wanna stop seeing you because I like you!” The confession slips out of your mouth in one hurried breath and you catch your breath as you cautiously await Ethan's reaction.

Shock plagues Ethan before confusion settles deep within him. Surely you didn't just confess that you liked him? There must be some sort of mistake.

“Wait, you like me? Like, like me?”

“Yes you dumbass. I like like you." You rolled your eyes and smiled at how high-school the whole thing sounded.

“Ethan, you found me when I was going through my darkest times. You helped me find peace with being a vampire and getting over the pain that Jesse and every other guy in my life has caused me, and for that I will be eternally grateful for."

"Besides that you've been an amazing friend to me and I've always cherished our relationship but I can't help the way I've felt within these past few weeks. I know that there's a lot to think about, my immortality, me being so far away for college, long-distance, and I understand if these are issues but there things that we can work through." Looking up at him, you can practically see the gears turning within his head and you start to second guess if you made the right choice in confessing after all.

"I know it's a lot to take in and I understand if you need time and space to process everything that's not an issu-"

“I like you too.”

You bite your tongue as he interrupts you again, this time you being caught off guard by a sudden confession.

“You do?” Voice shaky as you look into his eyes with worry and reservation still boiling within you.

“Y-yea I’ve liked you since like forever…” He admits as he scratches the back of his neck, nervous habit.

“Y/n, I’ve liked you since the day Sarah introduced us but I was too…y’know…me to ever do anything about it." You laugh at how ridiculous he sounded.

"I'm serious! I mean there was no way in a million years a guy like me could ever get with someone like you. You’re way out of my league.” His voice lowers at the end in embarrassment.

“I still am but that doesn’t mean anything.” You joke feeling relieved when you see the corners of his mouth tug into a smile. He looks up at you before the two of you share a laugh together, and you felt the tension from between the two of you melt away. As you catch your breath you remain focused on him and deliberate on how to move on from here, still wanting answers.

“So what now Morgan?”

“Y/N, will you go out with me?” 

“Hmm I don’t know actually I’ll have to think about it- yes of course Ethan!” You shout as you lunged forward to hug him bringing the two of you onto the mattress with him pinned underneath you. Breaking into another fit of laughter, you pulled away to rest your forearms on either side of Ethan as he laid underneath you. 

“Hey Ethan?” You mused sweetly at him.

“Yes y/n?”

“Can I ask you to do me a favor?”

“Depends on what it is, if it’s to be your personal blood bank you’ve got to give me some time.” He teased with a smirk.

“No you idiot.” You shake your head with a smile. As you took in the sight of him beneath you, your eyes flickered between his lips and eyes and you smiled even wider as you caught him doing the same act. The air around you seemed to thicken as the beat of his racing heart echoed louder and louder within your ears. You can hear the way his blood rushed to his cheeks and despite the vulnerable position he was in, it wasn't his blood that you were craving.

“Kiss me.” You whisper looking pleadingly into his eyes as your breath fans over his face that was only inches apart.

Ethan slowly reached his hand forward to gently cup your cheek and you only leaned further into his touch. As he looked at your lips he looked up at you as if silently asking for reassurance that you wanted this. With a nod of your head, you heard his heart beat louder beneath you, beating so hard that you thought it would practically jump out of his chest- Ethan wouldn't be surprised if it did. He then closes the distance between you, capturing your lips into a soft kiss. You'd be lying if you said you never thought about what it would be like to kiss Ethan, the truth is he was a lot better than you had imagined. Your lips continued to move in sync as your hands crawled through his hair tugging slightly, earning a soft whine from him. Smiling into the kiss you made note of the sensitive spot for later.

Pulling away breathlessly, you laid your foreheads against him as you both caught your breaths.

“I could kiss you forever.”

“Well you’ve got a lot of catching up to do then.” You say before capturing his lips again into another kiss.

As Ethan snaked an arm around your waist, you melted within his touch. You felt safe within his embrace and you knew that you were home with him.

#mbav #ethan morgan #ethan morgan x reader #my babysitter's a vampire #sarah fox