#with healthy conflict resolutions of course | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

novlr · 2 months

Note

Hi, how do you write a healthy sibling relationship?

I have a really bad one and I want my characters to get along, but still fight sometimes

Any help would be great

Sibling relationships are the first and often the most enduring bonds we form in life. They shape our identities, define our roles in the family, and teach us how to love, fight, forgive, and grow alongside another person.

For writers, capturing the intricacies of sibling dynamics can infuse stories with authenticity, depth, and emotional resonance that keeps readers turning pages. Here are some tips for how to write healthy sibling relationships:

Make them unique characters

Establish each sibling’s unique personality and role.

Give each sibling their own distinct personality, interests, strengths, and flaws.

Show how their personalities complement and contrast with each other.

Establish the roles and dynamics between the siblings (leader, peacemaker, rebel, etc.).

Avoid stereotypes and allow the siblings’ personalities to evolve over time.

Develop each sibling’s unique voice and communication style.

Give them contrasting but complementary skills and strengths.

Develop their relationship over time

Show how the siblings’ relationship strengthens as they grow up and go through life changes. Maybe they grow apart for a while but then reconnect later in life.

Give their relationship a story arc, showing how their bond matures and changes over the course of the story.

Explore how the siblings navigate major life events together, like the birth of a new sibling, a family move, losing a loved one, or a parent’s divorce.

Depict milestones and rites of passage where the siblings support or challenge each other, like learning to drive, graduating high school, starting college or a career.

Show how the siblings’ communication and conflict resolution skills improve (or deteriorate) over time. Perhaps they learn to express their feelings more openly, fight more fairly, or establish healthier boundaries as they mature.

Give them shared history and inside jokes

Build strong backstories into their characters with shared childhood experiences.

Show them laughing over inside jokes and funny memories only they understand.

Use shared history to show their bond, even when they’re fighting.

Have the siblings reference shared childhood possessions or special objects like a beloved stuffed animal they both cherished or a secret hideout only they knew about.

Show the siblings using a private language, code words, or shared vocabulary that only they understand.

Have them reminisce about funny or embarrassing childhood stories.

Let them learn from each other

Show the siblings teaching each other important life lessons.

Have them learn from each other’s mistakes and successes.

Show how the siblings challenge each other to step outside their comfort zones and try new things.

Depict moments where the siblings offer each other wise advice or a fresh perspective on a problem, demonstrating how well they understand and support one another.

Show how the siblings inspire each other to pursue their passions and dreams.

Depict the siblings’ learning to appreciate their differences and see them as strengths

Show unwavering loyalty and love

Depict the siblings standing up for each other in the face of adversity or conflict. They have each other’s backs, no matter what.

Portray the siblings making sacrifices for each other’s happiness or well-being.

Show the siblings being there for each other during tough times, like heartbreak, illness, or failure. Highlight how they offer comfort, encouragement, and unconditional support.

Illustrate the siblings’ fierce protectiveness of each other. Show them defending each other against bullies, naysayers, or anyone who threatens their bond.

Depict the siblings forgiving each other after arguments or misunderstandings. Show how their love helps them overcome hurt feelings and find understanding.

Portray the siblings expressing their love and appreciation for each other through both big gestures and small, everyday acts of kindness.

191 notes · View notes

kidstemplatte · 4 months

Text

random papa headcanons

i genuinely don’t know where this came from haha. they range from zodiac signs to hobbies to mental health so sorry for the inconsistency lol. please enjoy <3

⋅───⊱༺ 𐕣 ༻⊰───⋅

primo

- primo is one of the most kind and caring people to exist in the world. he’s very intelligent as well- he has a mind suited for many jobs. sometimes he wonders what he would’ve done if he didn’t follow in his father’s footsteps.

- he’s a great writer in all regards- poetry, essays, speeches, all of it. he did exceptionally in school and was very humble.

-primo is great at conflict resolution. he’s direct and efficient but considerate of people’s feelings as well.

-generally pretty healthy mentally but has struggled with depression periodically throughout his life.

-i don’t think primo ever planned to be a father, he didn’t even think it was possible considering his responsibilities. but as he got older and reflected upon his life he regrets that he never had children.

- we all know about primo’s legendary garden, but his next project he’s dreaming of is an orphanage in the clergy. or just to overall encourage more inclusion of children :,) (when appropriate ofc haha)

- a hopeless romantic deep down.

-virgo/libra.

secondo

-secondo is a great artist. he likes painting landscapes and scenery. hes also really good at drawing buildings/ architecture. when he was younger he thought maybe he’d be an architect. some of his paintings are hanging around the clergy but nobody knows they’re his.

- good at math but doesn’t enjoy it persay.

- reads a lot of classic novels (and romance books lol) if he’s reading something trashy in public he’ll switch the cover so he isn’t judged and can maintain his reputation ☠️

-i think he’s struggled with depression throughout his life that’s beyond situational. even when he was at his peak, something chemically in his brain just wouldn’t let him fully soak it in.

-extroverted but very distant simultaneously. has a hard time getting vulnerable with people.

-smokes a lot of weed. i think all the papas do tbh

-huge music connoisseur (prestigious metalhead) (will say “name 5 songs” if he sees you wearing a band shirt)

-biiiiiiig leo/capricorn energy.

terzo

- terzo has adhd for sure lmao. he was never diagnosed though.

- he was the walking stereotype for ADHD as a kid: a rambunctious and high-energy boy who struggled in class.

-terzo is very intelligent, though. he just never cared about school too much. he was good at talking his way out of trouble.

-terzo is incredible sensitive to rejection. so much so that he would have a very very hard time confessing his romantic feelings towards someone. (feelings that move beyond sexual attraction)

- his hypersexuality, though he genuinely just loves sex, is often a subconscious quest for dopamine and validation.

- he has a very kind heart, goes out of his way to make people laugh if he sees they’re struggling.

- loooooooooooves to watch reality tv or anything full of drama.

-either a scorpio or a gemini.

-very active online. he’s a little obsessed with reading fan forums and posts. but he also just loves the internet in general

-i think he was the most interactive with fans, he would respond to fan mail most frequently. when he got horny mail from someone he would often respond with equally something equally risqué ☠️but of course when the subject matter was serious or heartfelt he would respond genuinely.

copia

- copia drew comics when he was younger and still does. over time they’ve evolved from mystical stories to simple doodles to get him through the day.

- sometimes he’s a little forgetful and mixes up his papers, so when he confidently hands his mother a comic strip she’s featured in, it’s a little awkward.

- copia loves animals, and he always has. he was afraid of dogs (specifically bigger ones) when he was younger, though. he also likes birds and can identify most species. (so can primo!)

- copia had a little bit of ocd throughout his childhood that’s lessened up over time.

-he also has generalized anxiety that’s lessened after he’s become papa which is shocking

- he has inattentive adhd. he’s an exceptional worker despite his negative symptoms because he pushes himself so hard to succeed. but sometimes he gets a little burnt out and forgets to rest, or spirals into an unmotivated state.

-we all know he’s a huge dork, so to elaborate upon that: he likes star wars, star trek, dc, and comics of all sorts.

-he has a funko pop collection in his office (including one of himself LOL)

-i think he’s a gemini and i’m so passionate about this. that or a pisces.

⋅───⊱༺ 𐕣 ༻⊰───⋅

thanks for reading yall :,)) i have more stuff coming up i promise i’m just not able to work as frequently due to school!! i hope you enjoyed.

<3, alice

311 notes · View notes

supersoakerfullofblood · 18 days

Note

do you have any tips for writing characters who have a lot of difficulty identifying their own emotions (and other people's)? specifically if the work is from their POV. thank you very much!!

I'll start by saying you're in luck--literature's finest characters are defined by their difficulties identifying their emotions! You're in great company.

As a general rule, don't let your character figure out their emotions until you want some resolution in the narrative (climax, ending, or anywhere in between. Or if you have some second conflict in the narrative, feel free to resolve this one earlier). If your character has clarity about how they feel and what they should do about it, you don't have a compelling narrative but a successful therapy. The trick is in misguiding your characters.

You and I and everyone in the world are misguided about our emotions constantly. We want to feel everything on our terms. If we want a coffee, we want our favorite hazelnut latte, not the Americano. If we go through heartache, we still want to be happy, so we turn to coping mechanisms, often unhealthy, to achieve this. We are emotionally greedy.

Your characters also want to feel everything on their terms, and they don't like that they can't, so they turn to something unhealthy, something they think will solve the problem. In previous posts on my blog, I talk about this in terms of "want" and "need." Your character "needs" to handle the emotions as they are through healthy means, but your character "wants" to feel how they want to feel, which in a strong narrative won't make the character feel better. Ask yourself: if my character was real, how would they react to the situation they're in? When you think of anything unhealthy, write it.

As an example in one of my WIPs, a girl is bullied by the popular kids at her school, and she doesn't like that, but she's also friends with one of the popular kids. Instead of talking to this friend about the bullying, instead of talking to the counselor about it, instead of doing anything that would actually resolve her situation, she decides that if she wants people to stop bullying her, she herself needs to become popular. She notices all the popular kids have boyfriends, so she decides she's going to pursue someone. These are pretty steep leaps of logic, but we do it all the time. Has anyone tried to use romance to bandage emotional sores? Of course!

Macbeth is scared of the witches' prophecy. Does come to peace with it? No! He and his wife kill a lotta people!

Think of your favorite book: how do its characters try and fail to come to terms with their emotions?

As far as "how to write," it sounds like you're writing in first person, and if you are, I can't help too much--I have next to no experience there. But if you're narrating through your character's thoughts, never let them land on the right thought, the idea that will get them out of their bind. It might help to focus on physical sensations and the things people say and do around them--how is your character affected, and how do they interpret these things? Never let them interpret them well and correctly until you want resolution.

#writeblr #writing #writing advice #fanfic #writers on tumblr #bookblr #creative writing #writing questions #writerscommunity #booklr

45 notes · View notes

khaire-traveler · 2 months

Text

Avoiding Trauma Reenactment in Pagan & Polytheist Communities

***Mentions of emotional abuse***

Something I've noticed is that there's a lot of trauma within the pagan and polytheist communities. Many trauma survivors - religious or otherwise - seem to come to these religions, maybe seeking comfort or maybe not.

Unfortunately, when there is a lot of trauma within a community, there tend to be cycles of it as well. People traumatize other people because, to put it simply, hurt people hurt people. I've experienced this first-hand and done it, obviously unintentionally, myself. So here's my advice on how to avoid traumatizing the shit out of one another.

Go to therapy or counseling if you're able. If you're not able, I suggest at least looking up ways to cope with trauma (CPTSD or PTSD may be specifically helpful for some people) and identifying your personal triggers. For example, some people might be triggered by not getting an immediate response to their messages, especially if emotionally charged, and may react based on the burst of emotion that triggered trauma can cause.

Recognize whether or not you're reenacting your own trauma in unrelated situations. This happens A LOT with abuse survivors specifically. There is a tendency to reenact one's traumatic experiences which can even come in assuming the worst of a situation or staying around people who remind you of (or treat you like) past abusers. Do you find yourself reenacting past trauma with others? Do you find yourself engaging with self-fulfilling prophecies?

When you feel yourself reacting with extreme emotion to a situation, try to pause yourself for a moment and ask yourself why you're feeling such a strong reaction. This is a skill that's easier said than done, and it takes some practice, but overtime, it becomes easier and easier. I've found it to be very helpful in identifying when my trauma is causing me to react a certain way to something vs. my genuine reaction.

Remind yourself that constructive criticism is not a personal attack on you. It's healthy to receive constructive criticism from others, especially friends who may be addressing issues within your friendships. Remember that when you receive criticism, it doesn't automatically mean that someone is trying to tear you down.

You are not responsible for how others react to you. This is a very helpful reminder for survivors of emotional abuse especially, since there's a tendency to self-blame. This is a reminder that takes a lot of practice, but when someone sends you cruel and hateful words, remember that 1. you don't have to listen to them, and 2. you are not responsible for the way someone else feels about or reacts to you. Simply put, we cannot control the emotions of others, as scary as that can be, and it's best to keep reminding that to ourselves.

If someone makes you uncomfortable, you are allowed to block them. You don't need permission from anyone to block this person. It's best to keep away from people who remind you of past abusers specifically to avoid potential reenactment.

Try to assume the best of people. Most people are not out to get you; most people are trying to passively enjoy internet time just the same as you. Of course, this doesn't mean harmful and hateful people don't exist, but it's best to not make yourself riddled with anxiety over that potentiality.

Practice healthy conflict resolution skills. This is something I recommend doing with a therapist or only after extensive research. The best type of conflict resolution, in my experience, is relating your emotions calmly and maturely. Try not to go flying off the handle or reacting with repeated apologies. Take a moment to ground yourself before addressing the conflict because even though it feels extremely pressing and urgent, it can likely wait for you to ground yourself first.

Don't go looking for a fight. Don't start arguments where it's not necessary, and don't go after people's personal character just to prove your point. These situations can end horribly for all parties involved. Should go without saying, but this includes not harassing people for their "wrong" opinions. It's an opinion, not a fact; please ground yourself if it truly upsets you that much.

Try not to say things with the intention of hurting someone. This is unwise for several reasons. It can lead to long-term regret later on, you can end up traumatizing someone with your words, and you may find that you were projecting your own feelings onto someone else. All sorts of consequences can come from this, so I encourage you to think before you speak. If you're extremely upset, wait to respond, and take time to cool off first.

This is all the advice I can think of off the top of my head. I hope it helps someone! Take care, everyone. 🧡

#trauma #paganblr #helpol #trauma recovery #hellenic pagan #pagan

50 notes · View notes

prince-liest · 2 months

Note

Your last 666 series installment is the best thing that happened to me. Its full of gore, somehow fluffy and wait-.. do I finally see some FRICKING COMUNICATION between the two idiots!?!?!

Ngl, Vox's 'Alastor not being able to love' statement hurt my soul. Your writing is brilliant and and let's just see what ending ya wro-..O MA LORD IS THAT VAL'S LOVE POTION!?!?!?!?

Now I need to know what's next!!!! And VOX I SWEAR IF U USE THIS SITUATION IN ANY WAY IM GOING TO SKIN YOU ALIVE.

This series is a blast♡ love it!♡ makes me weirdly passionate and excited hah!

Some communication, and some communication failure, hahaha. They're going to be talking a lot more in the next one, actually, because I meant to write some NSFW and they had to go and attempt a healthy conversation instead. What can you do.

Thank you so much, I'm delighted that you're enjoying! :D

And: Way more anon asks about the latest 666 getting answered under the cut! <3 I combined a bunch from the last couple of days.

prince, I'm going insane over the latest fic. so we know from Alastor's inner monologue that he knows the roofie was an accident, but considering the super stressful situation, the fact that Vox was the one to ask for a kiss and the fact that Alastor accused him of wanting instead of loving him not a few minutes ago…. makes me wonder if Vox might not be at least a little worred that Alastor might think it was on purpose <3 gonna be rotating this in my head for the foreseeable future - ✨

I am so glad that these things are on y'all's minds, hahaha. Because you can bet they are on mine. >:D And THANK YOU, very pleased to be dragging everyone down into insanity with me.

“Should I stitch together the scars your teeth left in me in a mirror of my own signature on your body.” Fucking. POETRY. 🐈‍⬛

I am always so happy when I write shit like this and instead of everyone pointing at me and going, "Look, what an EDGELORD!" the response is you people being VERY nice and leaning into the feelsy fun! 💛

holy moly ??? i love the new 666 addition aaaah 😭🙏 the trials and tribulations of feeling scorned and ghosted by a loser who confessed his love to you and the next time you see him he’s holding your LITERAL heart in his hands by alastor ! OMFG this was too good esp the part where vox is like “bro why do YOU CARE ?? i thought you didn’t love me huh?” and alastor is like well. maybe i.do. 😐 LIKE CMONN this really played out like some soap drama and i loved the neat details on resuscitative thoroctomy (learned a new word too so double bonus) the fact vel was on the line w her and val’s apparent surgeon for val’a little ‘incidents ??? GOLDEN I SAYY hope we see more of ur oc … 🫣🫣 btw ofc vox would love to an end an argument with a kiss OF FUCKING COURSE HE WOULD 😭 thank u sm for this chapter princeliest my dear <3 hope life is treating u well too !! -🦌

Vox is ahead of Alastor in terms of effective in-the-moment conflict resolution, but goddamn if he isn't fucked up in his own fun little ways. They're so not done with most of these issues, but at least they're on they're way to maybe be able to have a real conversation about them!

You know. If they chose to do that kind thing. Instead of whatever they will probably do instead.

Anyway, THANK YOU!! I had a great deal of fun writing this chapter and digging into some of the issues that have been slowly collecting underneath the surface of kinky radiostatic, so I'm happy you guys are enjoying as well!! :D

AS FOR MY OC... I WILL POST ABOUT THEM SOON. I LOVE THEM A LOT AND IT EXCITES ME THAT PEOPLE WANT TO KNOW MORE OF THEM. Tysm for asking Q^Q

Just read the new addition to the 666 verse, and inside of me are two wolves: The first is saying: Immaculate, artistry of the highest form. We finally get Alastor’s own confrontation with his vulnerability and him trying to figure out what exactly the relationship with Vox means to him. Cannot wait for how this all is going to develop. The other part of me: THE BREADCRUMBS WORKED THE MUSE IS WRITING!!! Followed by this image (since tumblr won’t let me attach it while being anonymous) https://i.redd.it/hx2shk642vs71.jpg -🕊️

LMAO THAT PIC. Amazing, flawless, thank you. The breadcrumbs DEFINITELY worked, please keep feeding. Digging into Alastor's shit is bringing me life and I'm happy to share it, hahaha. We're swinging even harder on the introspection in the next one!

As a sucker for medical gore and aroace angst, I lack the words to express my love and appreciation for your most recent installment of 666, but your writing of radiostatic's dynamic was captivating and proved to be such a lovely read as always! I loved that you touched on Alastor's relationships with the women around him as that has always been such an interesting aspect of his character to me! I never really put much thought into how Vox's apparent avoidance of Alastor in the show could mirror Alastor's disappearance, and now it will Not leave my mind. My heart hurts for these two dorks, super looking forward to chapter 2!

"Medical gore and aroace angst" should be the title of my memoir. Honestly, this series has ended up a lot more edgy-bloody than I expected it to, since I usually tend to prefer to portray my whump/angst/violence/etc in a much more roundabout way, but it's actually kinda tipped over into, like... part of the point is how banal it is, how beside the point. The upsetting heavy-hitting bits aren't the blood, they're everything else that goes on around it. Anyway, thank you so much! <3 I think your heart will find some relief in chapter two, haha, I hope you enjoy!!

Meanwhile alastor, completely convinced that there’s no situation where vox actually loves him and is happy with the way things are—either vox wants more and is going to start asking for more, or he doesn’t actually love him and just wants to have sex with him and thus either way he is a Liar. They’re so fucking bad at this. No one is capable of being the adult here. I think they need an auspitice.

It's really funny that you said that, because that is kind of exactly the role that [spoiler] ends up playing, though in a more roundabout way, hahaha. They certainly need someone to, like, get them to be having the same conversation with each other instead of two parallel ones. I think the fun thing about writing Alastor reacting to his own feelings is just how much his reaction can change based on how things are framed for him, and it leaves a lot of wiggle room for how differently I've ended up writing him reacting to the season 1 finale in 666 vs in Happily Ever After, and Other Shit Nepotism Can't Buy.

But, god, you really nailed the description of what Alastor is feeling. <3

Vox in the latest 666, my ENTIRE HEART. Literally nothing about how he read the situation was a bad take or a leap to conclusions, but alastor constantly says the opposite of what he means and refuses to admit vulnerability or friendship and what the hell else was vox meant to do with that, of course he backed off, they need to have this talk so badly

YES, PRECISELY! Like, I hope it came through that really neither of them was completely crazy to react the way they did! It's a result of how much of their communication has been nonverbal, implied, and talking around things - they'd been doing so well up until this point, but there's only so far that can take you before you start thinking that you're on the same page when really you're reading two completely different books! Thank you sm! <3

‘But I am capable,” Alastor says gently. “I love you very much.” Vox gapes up at him. “...I. Fuck you.” His voice is tight, strained. “I don’t fucking believe you.” Alastor feels his smile thin. “Well. That’s just dandy, then, isn’t it?”’ I AM NOT OK GOING FUCKING FERAL

Probably one of my favorite lines to write, ehehehe. THANK YOU ANONNNN <3 It's kinda interesting to see how differently some people read this. Some folks thought Alastor was saying it to hurt Vox (which is how Vox read it). Some folks thought it was true (how Alastor intended it). Some folks thought Alastor was trying to fit into the mold that he thought Vox wanted from him (how I intended it). All of them make sense as readings! >:)

#ask #personal #Anonymous #black cat anon #sparkle anon #deer anon #dove anon #t #long post #tumblr if you break the cut on this one I'm gonna fuckin cry #answering 9 asks in one post here

33 notes · View notes

makeitastrength · 3 months

Note

Thoughts on the episode??

Okay so, I have A LOT of thoughts, anon. And thank you for your patience with my answer. I generally like to rewatch the ep before posting my thoughts so I have time to calm down and make sense of things.

Let’s start with things I loved:

The accidental proposal scene. Oh my god. I could write a novel (and I might write a fic) on the emotions you could see in their faces in that scene! When Alexi said there was a scene that would launch a thousand gifs, I’m assuming he meant that one (and he was right)

The dance! I love that Tim came to find her despite being mad. And that he was ready to talk. And I will never be over the way he holds her so close and that they’re almost leaning their heads together as they have that conversation

Lucy’s I love you, of course! These two have affirmed how serious they are and that they’re going to make this work numerous times now. They haven’t actually done the hard work yet, though. I think it’s gonna be fun (and probably absolutely heartbreaking at times) to watch them realize how hard they’re gonna have to fight for it

Lastly, the writers are setting up a great storyline for Aaron this season, and I’m interested to see how that plays out. It’s clear he’s struggling but is more focused on getting back on duty than actually healing. I’m actually really looking forward to how that unfolds. I’m also glad Harper was able to see what’s going on and give Celina some guidance on how to support him in a healthy way, and that Celina was able to take that to heart

Okay, next up: things I’m a little unsure about. I’ll admit, my initial reaction to the lie detector scene and resolution of the chenford fight wasn’t super positive. With my rewatch I’ve come around to it a little more. Tim definitely has trauma and he’s definitely been denying it. Which is what he’s really always done, so it makes sense.

I think what bugs me is that it makes the issue seem one-sided when, from my perspective, there’s absolutely no way Lucy isn’t also battling some internal conflict about this. She knows he’s still traumatized, which to me means she has to be wondering how her going UC is going to impact their relationship. I don’t see how she can’t be also harboring some worries. And I think Tim was right when he said she was projecting. My hope is that they unpack her feelings about it this season as well.

I’m holding off my overall judgement until the entire thing plays out, because I know this was just one piece of it. They’ve set up a complex issue for these two, so I’m hoping the resolution is given the screen time and care it deserves.

But I do think Tim finally working to come to terms with his trauma is a good start. He’s come a long way, and you can tell he so badly wants to be supportive of Lucy. He’s trying SO HARD. And his admission at the end that he’ll work on it because his trauma shouldn’t hold her back from her dreams… I LOVED that conversation. I think it was so important for him to realize that and for Lucy to hear him say it.

And lastly: the one thing I still didn’t like after rewatching is the I love you portion of the lie detector scene. I just don’t like that Lucy felt she needed a lie detector to prove that. Maybe that wasn’t how they meant it. Maybe they meant it to be interpreted as her asking because she knew it was true and was testing the machine. But to me it doesn’t come across that way and it’s just not my favorite.

But overall, I thought it was a fun episode! Can’t believe we made it to 100! Here’s to 100 more!!

#chenford #the rookie #tim bradford #lucy chen #6x02 #the rookie 6x02 #the rookie 100th

33 notes · View notes

galwithalibrarycard · 7 months

Text

Also, I know people have already pointed much of this out, but the degree to which Bea and Ben’s conflict in Lolilo is completely spelled out in foreshadowing in NMTD is staggering.

Bea’s “you should never be so reliant on anything that you feel completely lost when you don’t have it” and then her spending so much time trying to convince herself that she’s fine and doesn’t care when Ben goes away to school when actually she hates being without him. So she says stuff like “I’m never coming to visit you” and acts like she’s fine, inadvertently making him think she must not miss him much. And she has to learn that she can need Ben close by so badly, and tell him so, while also still being independent and feminist and emotionally healthy. (And the extended metaphor of losing and finding her phone representing losing and finding Ben again, I could write novels, people!)

Bea’s “some guys feel this sexist ownership of their girlfriends when they really really shouldn’t” and then she ends up with Ben, who is so NOT possessive that he almost breaks them up by refusing to admit that he wants her to either not go abroad or take him with her, because he’d never put that on her or try to limit her. He wants her to have everything she wants, on her terms, even if it breaks his heart. The problem is just that he doesn’t believe that she loves him just as much as she values her life plans, because his anxiety tells him he doesn’t matter that much to her. And she also literally had a line in the dont-need-a-boyfriend video in nmtd about “the pressure to continue to like a guy after you get sick of him”, so of course, Ben thinks she’s sick of him. He saw that video after all, if not when it was posted then when they rewatched everything together.

And then there’s Ben’s Q&A where he answers whether he’d travel with the Doctor and take Bea with him by saying “I don’t know, that’s a big commitment, are we ready for that?” And then when she actually is going traveling, he waits until the last possible moment to ask if he can come along, because he was afraid that she’d say they weren’t ready for that, and the only resolution to that conversation would be “we can’t sustain long distance for another year, it’s killing both of us, we have to break up” and he Cannot break up with her, he can’t even fathom it. So he goes to absurd lengths to Not have that conversation.

It is literally all right there. Problems with how it was actually done aside, at least you can see the through line.

#my main problem of course being that so much of it happened offscreen #and the known issues with the rules #anyway these two are made for each other to a staggering degree #nmtd #lolilo #beadick #otp: team blessed

35 notes · View notes

warning-heckboop · 3 months

Text

No but I really, truly believe that Viva and Clay's friendship/relationship before the Bros and Poppy show up and Clay escapes with them is pretty damn toxic. It's not like Viva wants to cause Clay harm by keeping him trapped within the golf course--quite the opposite, actually. She truly has good intentions that stem from her own trauma and desire to keep him safe. But good intentions can certainly still be toxic.

Honestly, it doesn't just apply to Clay. It applies to all of the Putt Putt trolls. By being their leader, Viva is ensuring their fear and paranoia festers and grows to no end, rather than ever making any effort towards healing from it. It's such an unhealthy living situation for all of them, which makes me even more upset that we see so little of the community in the movie, because there is so much potential conflict that we never get any sort of resolution for.

Don't get me wrong. I don't think Viva is a bad person, or that her relationships with Clay and the rest of the Putt Putt trolls are unsalvagable. But there are points of conflict that certainly need to be explicitly addressed before any of those relationships can become healthy moving forward.

#Trolls #Trolls Viva #Trolls clay #Putt Putt trolls #I would love to see them address this in its own movie or at least an animated series episode #But honestly I doubt they ever will #Which sucks #trolls band together

17 notes · View notes

vilevampire · 1 month

Text

I've never really been into superheroes so I don't know how it's handled in mainstream superhero media, but I really like the way viewtiful joe specifically defines what a superhero is and evaluates how good one is at being one.

as you can imagine, it involves fighting, physically, against some kind of threat (usually a monster..), that's kind of the whole point of having superpowers and all. but while that's an integral part of the job, it's not the point. having powers is not mandatory to be a superhero and the fighting part isn't either. viewtiful joe's definition of a superhero is "someone who helps others", joe himself describes it as such and explicitly says superheroes don't just fight, they help those in need.

for a show about superheroes, viewtiful joe has a surprisingly little amount of fighting, actually. part of it is probably due to budget constraints since the animation in this show is as good as a potato, but I think some of it is intentional from the writers too. there's tons of episodes that involve almost no fighting, where the conflict is mainly emotional and is resolved through dialogue and pacifist actions.

not always of course, sometimes there is a big monster to fight. and in those cases, joe could technically just, show up, beat the monster and call the job done. that almost never happens though. the conflict resolution of the episodes almost always involve some emotional aspect, helping someone by giving them encouraging words, guidance, a light in the darkness. joe considers "brightening people's day and filling them with hope" to be as an integral part of his job as "beating the bad guy" is, if not even more important.

there's multiple episodes where the conflict is focused on the mental/emotional aspect, with the fighting being just a preface for it. alastor gets a whole arc about how his life should not be dedicated only to fighting, and that the reason he was doing so before was not a good or healthy one. these messages are echoed throughout the whole anime, from every episode until the very end, which is appropriately titled "Tomorrow's Superhero is You", because by viewtiful joe's definition of a superhero, even you can become one.

and I just think that's neat :3

#lucasings #viewtiful joe #long post

10 notes · View notes

once-upon-an-animation · 1 year

Text

A rant about Reyna’s love life situation in ToA…

So I just read the Tyrant’s Tomb and uhhh…I see why people have such mixed feelings about what happened with Reyna. Here are my thoughts (w/ spoilers of course).

- First of all, that whole Lester/Reyna pseudo love story thing was so…weird? Like, I understood the point of getting Reyna to reflect on dating, but like, did she really need a bizarre romantic subplot with Lester to achieve that? The whole incident w/ Venus felt like it only existed solely for the sake of this moment with Reyna, seeing as it was first introduced in this same book, and will likely be forgotten about afterwards. As a result, the whole thing seems so random with no buildup whatsoever. I think there are better ways to introduce Reyna’s interest in taking on celibacy and joining the Hunters than this pile of weirdness with Lester/Apollo.

- Second of all, a lot of Reyna’s dialogue concerning her love life sounded like Rick Riordan just inserting himself into the story, and it was extremely cringey. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think it was OOC for Reyna to say these things, but the language choices made it clear that RR was just using the character to voice his own thoughts (I literally cringed when he used the word “ship” unironically in her speech to Lester/Apollo near the end of the book. Nobody talks like this.) We have never seen any of the kids at New Rome actually mention Reyna’s love life in any of the books as far as I remember (let me know if I’m wrong). So this problem she has with other people “shipping” her doesn’t seem real in-universe and feels like it’s being brought up to address the fandom specifically and sort of…scold(?) them for shipping Reyna with other characters.

In addition, I don’t like it when authors use their characters as a disguise for their own thoughts. It ruins the integrity of the character and the story. If you have something to say to the fandom, just say it instead of hiding behind your character.

- Third, I find the line where Reyna says “Why do healthy friendships have to progress into romance” (or something like that) in response to Lester/Apollo asking her if she’s dating Thalia to be really hypocritical. Romance is a very major theme in RR’s books and he has a knack for pairing up as many characters as possible, even characters who don’t really need to be a relationship/whose romances could have worked just as well as a friendship. This line Reyna says about not every friendship needing to be a romance could apply to almost every couple in this franchise.

I give Percabeth, Frazel, SilenaxBeckendorf, and EmmiexJo a pass, because romance genuinely complements their stories, but as far as other ships goes, I actually think their romances were unnecessary/poorly executed/could’ve worked just as well as a friendship. ChrisxClarisse definitely didn’t need to be a thing; Clarisse doesn’t even give off romance vibes anyway and Chris stops existing after TLO. Grover and Juniper are cute, but nothing would change if their relationship didn’t exist. Jasper/Jiper might have genuinely been better as friends. Caleo ABSOLUTELY didn’t need to happen; I personally believe romance was NOT the best resolution for Leo’s arc. I give props to Nico and Will for being the first gay ship, but again, RR should not be using romance as a bandaid for emotional conflicts. Nico should learn to maintain healthy friendships first before jumping into romance. TysonxElla did not need to happen for any reason at all. A lot of the hinted pairings in The Hidden Oracle (Miranda & Sherman, Chiara x Damien, Valentina x Paolo) didn’t need to exist either. These are all side characters whose romances have little to no impact, and who would lose nothing if they were all just friends. Same for Lavinia x Poison Oak.

As you can see, RR loves to pair people up together. And most of these pairings are straight/straight-passing. But Reyna maybe liking girls is where he finally draws the line, and decides that romance doesn’t need to happen all the time? Seriously? Like don’t get me wrong, it’s cool to finally have a character in this franchise who chooses to be happily single, and I know that Thalia has not expressed any interest in women (neither has Reyna, tbh), but like…still. RR has been gung-ho about romance everywhere else, even with characters where it literally didn’t matter. Why did he draw the line here?

All of this also makes me wonder if Piper/Shel became a thing just to placate disappointed fans who wanted to see a major character in a wlw relationship. I remember RR’s tweet where he was like “I didn’t want to make Reyna like girls because it would seem like girls only like girls if things don’t work out with boys”. This is a nice sentiment, but it becomes questionable when you realize that what he tried to avoid with Reyna is basically what he did with Piper? And to make matters worse, Shel is such a non-character. She exists for a few pages at the very end of the final series, has no canon personality or physical appearance (as far as I remember), and she’s so unimportant, she doesn’t even have a last name! Her only purpose in the story is to show us that Piper likes girls, which is so lame! Why not give a wlw between two fully fleshed out characters instead of this last-minute romance between a major character and a character who’s just a device?

- Lastly, I’m really tired of RR shoving the female characters that he doesn’t want to pair up into vows of celibacy (Rachel, Thalia, and now Reyna). In fact, this happens with the male characters too, where they are either dating (Percy, Grover, Tyson, Leo, Nico, Will, Frank, Jason) or they’re dead (Luke, Octavian, Jason).

Reyna was so close to being the first major character who didn’t fall into this pattern and then it was ruined. There are many options that people can have for their love lives beyond dating or mandatory celibacy, Richard Riordan, and these options are not that hard to write/explore even in a book aimed at preteens. The characters could easily say that they’re not interested in romance at the moment and may become interested at a later point, that they’re interested but are waiting for a person that they truly want to date, that they’re working on friendships right now, that they’re focused on other things right now, etc. Not everyone needs to be paired up, but not everyone needs to take on a vow of celibacy either. Characters are allowed to just be single, no explanations given. There are so many things Reyna could do besides being a Hunter. She could go to school, travel the world, do something similar to Emmie and Jo where she creates a safe haven for others, maybe even a safe haven for abused girls such as a herself. Becoming a Hunter is not the only option here.

Sorry for the length of this rant, and sorry if this post sounds hyper-critical of Rick. I’m just not impressed with the way Reyna’s love life was handled, and how she explained it using dialogue that was essentially just Rick Riordan talking. Very weird.

#trials of apollo #reyna ramirez arellano #rick riordan #rr crit #anti rr #lester papadopoulos #apollo #toa #pjo hoo toa

92 notes · View notes

varii-corvid · 4 months

Text

I'm thinking about starting a radqueer-aligned anarchist ecovillage commune, but I'd want there to be some infrastructure in place to create a healthy environment. I'm thinking comprehensive sex ed courses, anti-abuse and anti-grooming training, nonviolent conflict resolution courses and some minimum requirements such as avoiding harmful contact and making sure to self govern. I want people to be honest about their boundaries and to create a culture of consent. I think the government structure could be a form of modified consensus. I'd love to have a permaculture farm integrated into the ecosystem as well. I'd definitely need more people to help organize the commune but I want it to be non-hierarchical. it would also be cool to integrate solarpunk infrastructure, praxis, and aesthetics into the design of the community.

I don't have any income or resources at the moment so getting a community started would take some help from others, but honestly that may be for the better since it could create healthy lasting bonds from the start.

#radqueer #rq 🌈🍓#anarchism #solarpunk #anarchocommunism #intentional community #commune #eco anarchism

10 notes · View notes

theoncomingchaos · 1 year

Text

About Ritsu

I just finished binging “The End of the World With You” and I want to share some thoughts about why I think Ritsu is a really realistic and well made character with an intentionally unfinished, but positive character arc.

When Ritsu was growing up, he experienced love as conditional. When he was successful, he was loved by his mother. When he was compliant, he was loved by his father. That means there are a lot of things about relationships that he never really got a chance to learn growing up.

Some things people from messed up families don’t learn as children are things like how to set and follow healthy boundaries (people tend to have no walls or walls that are too high), how to compromise, conflict resolution, and they also tend to have a more flexible sense of right and wrong because they had to be flexible in order to get by as a child.

Examples of this from the show:

-He doesn’t have a strong understanding of what most people would consider pretty basic rules of relationships. This is both romantic relationships and friendships as seen in the way he wrecks every circle he joins. Even by the time he was 30 he has still not been able to do any of this.

-He was willing to give a high school kid a pill to kill himself and doesn’t see a problem with that. Plus, he was ready to drag Masumi into disposing of the body...

-When the fight happened about his sleeping around, he ended it without trying to talk about it or figure anything out. No compromise. No conflict resolution skills.

He grew up always compromising and doing everything as perfect as possible to please his parents, but in the end it didn’t work. He still ended up tossed to the side in favor of the less capable step brother. This would have taught him several lessons unconsciously. Primarily, that this is the way the world works. People are good to you when they want or need you, but they can’t be counted on besides that.Trying to please them is pointless and hoping for unconditional love is pointless. Thus, he developed his philosophy that you need to take care of yourself first and foremost because no one else will do it.

Based on his actions, we can see he does naturally want to be appreciated and loved. Even the fact that he has a keen eye for when people love him is probably because he is so desperate for it he has a lot of practice looking for it.

Sleeping around with different people, serves his needs in more than the obvious way. Besides sexual gratification, he gets shallow, but instant emotional gratification. He knows these relationships are conditional and short term. He isn’t expecting or even seeking love, so it’s easy. He is nice to them, says the right things, does the right things, and is rewarded with attention the same way he was as a child. (I won’t even get into the father complex he has where he is sleeping around like his father did and is potentially trying to prove his worth or get closer to him by becoming him...)

Of course, all of this is different with Masumi. Both Masumi and Ritsu enjoy spending time together. They were friends first and foremost. For once in his life, Ritsu had someone who cared about him for him- not for what he did for them. It was so comfortable and easy- but of course Ritsu can’t trust or even hope that it’s going to be forever or unconditional. He has never had an example in his life of a loving, equal, or lasting relationship. It’s all transactional.

So that leads us to two big questions:

Why did he need to sleep around?

Because he hasn’t dealt with his issues is the easiest way to put it. He’s only 20, he’s fresh out of his messed up household, he has been needing love and attention so badly for so long and been playing the good boy his whole life for nothing. He’s angry, and he’s tired of playing by other people’s rules. He wants so much (love, freedom, sex, to send a huge fuck you to his parents, etc.) and he’s finally ready to say fuck it and get it all with no care to the consequences because what has the world ever done for him anyway. He needed this time to rebel and go a little wild. He wasn’t ready to face the truth of himself or his trauma.

Why did he break up with Masumi if the relationship was so good?

Unfortunately, he met the right person at the wrong time. He wasn’t emotionally ready for a real relationship with Masumi. The minute Masumi had expectations for him it entered transactional and conditional territory. He wasn’t ready to put himself back in that kind of situation again. Since he doesn’t have strong conflict resolution skills, the best solution was to run away.

His Development in the Series:

After 10 years of living this empty fuckboy life, it takes someone platonic who genuinely seems to care about him and enjoy being around him, to point out to him that the longest relationship he ever had is also the only one he seems to hold onto. No one else has ever loved him as honestly and unconditionally as Masumi.

As Ritsu said, no one was going to be there with him at the end. His philosophy of putting himself first put him in this place where even the only real friend he seemed to have died partially because he was too busy getting laid to be there for her when she needed him.

The fact that he starts trying to find Masumi again shows that he doesn’t want to be alone anymore. He also mentioned that this time he wasn’t going to mess it up. In other words, he was ready to try for real to let him in and to work towards having a real and meaningful relationship.

Masumi’s Trauma:

Another part of what makes it even more painful for the viewer is that we know Masumi has his own trauma where he grew up abused and feeling unwanted. He is also desperate to be loved unconditionally which is something Ritsu just doesn’t know how to do yet. Unlike Ritsu who went out and took everything he wanted, Masumi retracted in on himself and shut himself in to keep himself safe- even doing everything he could to please his abuser. (They are the no-walls and too many walls ends of the spectrum of people with childhood trauma).

The road forward- some people are saying this was an open ending, but it seemed pretty hopeful to me. If the meteor really hit, they would have felt it, plus then there is all that sunshine when they opened the curtain and all that lead up to Yuma’s powers probably being the source of the meteor in the first place. Anyway, on the assumption that they live, their relationship is going to need a lot of work.They are going to need to have better communication about their needs and boundaries. I think Meguru and Yuma will actually be really helpful in being their support group.

As many have pointed out, Ritsu wasn’t really “redeemed,” in the sense that the audience could completely forgive his behavior- and they shouldn’t. It was unhealthy behavior brought about by an unhealthy childhood. The tone used in the series never suggests that we should just forget about it. However, he is making better choices and is finally ready to face his issues and do better- and really that's a huge step.

The theme: The main point of the drama is about overcoming trauma and pain instead of running from it, and finding the beauty and joy in life, love, and the world around you.

Ritsu’s story is unfinished and that’s intentional. He still has a lot of work to do on himself, but he is ready to do it. He is finally able to let go of the pain of his childhood and face up to what he let it do to him. He’s ready to face his mistakes and try to be better. He wants to explore the world and experience it in a new and better way with Masumi. Likewise, Masumi is ready to put his hurt and pain behind him and stop letting fear rule his life.

#The End of the World with you #ritsu x masumi #Japanese bl

20 notes · View notes

religion-is-a-mental-illness · 1 year

Text

By: Holly Korbey

Published: Dec 20, 2022

Assistant professor Brett Mallon begins his evening Zoom session at Kansas State University with a question: When students hear the word “conflict,” what associations do they make?

Many first responses are decidedly negative. “I would say, avoid it at all costs,” one student offers. “Argument, awkward conversations,” says another. The list grows as students make emotional associations they have with conflict: stress, discomfort, war. Only one student suggests that he thinks of conflict as “an opportunity for growth.”

This is Conflict Resolution, a non-credit workshop in an “Adulting 101” series at Kansas State. The cheeky name, created by the campus wellness center, belies its serious purpose: to fill in the gaps of missing life skills for students with classes that range from the practical, like how to make a budget, to the relational, like dealing with imposter syndrome.

“Students talk about conflict like it’s this terrible thing,” Mallon said in an interview. “Is it that they’re afraid of [conflict], or are they lacking in experience? Probably a little bit of both.”

Seminars and classes like “Adulting 101” are becoming more common on college campuses. Though ranging in style and substance — from one-offs on handling stress to full-semester psychology courses on how to be happy — more universities are offering help to students struggling with the stresses of everyday life and mental health challenges like anxiety and depression.

But a growing body of evidence is beginning to suggest that the problems of “adulting” and mental health in college students may be rooted, at least in part, in modern childhood. Research shows that young people are lacking in emotional resilience and independence compared to previous generations. The problem has been growing in tandem with rising rates of anxiety and depression, perhaps exacerbated by the COVID-19 pandemic, and has left colleges scrambling to help and adapt.

“Some parents have been parenting differently, they have this value of success at all costs,” said Dori Hutchinson, executive director of the Center for Psychiatric Rehabilitation at Boston University. “I like to describe it as some kids are growing up developmentally delayed, today’s 18-year-olds are like 12-year-olds from a decade ago. They have very little tolerance for conflict and discomfort, and COVID just exposed it.”

How modern childhood changed, and changed mental health

Research shows that young people who arrive on campus with healthy amounts of resilience and independence do better both academically and emotionally, but today more students of all backgrounds are arriving on campus with significantly less experience in dealing with life’s ups and downs. Many even see normal adult activities as risky or dangerous.

In a new study currently under review, Georgetown University psychologist Yulia Chentsova Dutton looked at whether American college students’ threshold for what is considered risky was comparable to their global peers. Chentsova Dutton and her team interviewed students from Turkey, Russia, Canada and the United States, asking them to describe a risky or dangerous experience they had in the last month. Both Turkish and Russian students described witnessing events that involved actual risk: violent fights on public transportation; hazardous driving conditions caused by drunk drivers; women being aggressively followed on the street.

But American students were far more likely to cite as dangerous things that most adults do every day, like being alone outside or riding alone in an Uber.

The American students’ risk threshold was comparatively “quite low,” according to Chentsova Dutton. Students who reported they gained independence later in childhood — going to the grocery store or riding public transportation alone, for example — viewed their university campus as more dangerous; those same students also had fewer positive emotions when describing risky situations.

Chentsova Dutton hypothesizes that when students have fewer opportunities to practice autonomy, they have less faith in themselves that they can figure out a risky situation. “My suspicion is that low autonomy seems to translate into low efficacy,” she said. “Low efficacy and a combination of stress is associated with distress,” like anxiety and depression.

In recent years, other psychologists have made similar associations. Author and New York University ethical leadership professor Jonathan Haidt has used Nassim Taleb’s theory of anti-fragility to explain how kids’ social and emotional systems act much like our bones and immune systems: Within reason, testing and stressing them doesn’t break them but makes them stronger. But, Haidt and first amendment advocate Greg Lukianoff have argued in their writing, a strong culture of “safetyism” which prizes the safety of children above all else, has prevented young people from putting stress on the bones, so to speak, so “such children are likely to suffer more when exposed later to other unpleasant but ordinary life events.”

Psychologists have directly connected a lack of resilience and independence to the growth of mental health problems and psychiatric disorders in young adults and say that short cycles of stress or conflict are not only not harmful, they are essential to human development. But modern childhood, for a variety of reasons, provides few opportunities for kids to practice those skills.

While it’s hard to point to a single cause, experts say a confluence of factors — including more time spent on smartphones and social media, less time for free play, a culture that prizes safety at the expense of building other characteristics, a fear of child kidnapping, and more adult-directed activities — together have created a culture that keeps kids far away from the kinds of experiences that build resilience.

Chentsova Dutton said America has an international reputation for prizing autonomy, but her study opened her eyes to a more complicated picture. American parents tend to be overprotective when children are young, acting as if kids are going to live at home for a long time, like parents do in Italy. Yet they also expect children to live away from home fairly early for college, like families do in Germany. The result is that American kids end up with drastically fewer years navigating real life than they do in other countries that start much earlier.

“We parent like we are in Italy, then send kids away like we are in Germany,” Chentsova Dutton said with a laugh. “Those things don’t match.”

A movement hopes to change the culture

Seventeen-year-old Megan Miller, a senior at Hudson High School in Hudson, Ohio, recently drove her two siblings, ages 15 and 12, to Cedar Point Amusement Park for an evening of fun. Miller was nervous. She’d never driven an hour and a half away from home by herself before, especially in the dark — but she had to do it; it was homework for school.

The assignment was to try something she’d never done before without her parents’, or anyone else’s, help. Other students figured out how to put air in their tires, cooked a meal for their family from start to finish and drove on the interstate. The point, Miller’s teacher Martin Bach said, was to give these young adults — many of whom would be living away from home in less than a year — experience with trying, failing and figuring something out on their own.

“I was seeing that student stress and anxiety levels were already bad, then COVID supercharged it,” Bach said. But a pattern of parents “swooping in to solve problems that kids could easily solve on their own” made Bach decide to create the unit on resilience and independence. “In my head I’m thinking, these kids are going off to college, how are they going to cope?”

Bach got the idea for the “do something new on your own” assignment from Let Grow, a national nonprofit promoting greater childhood independence. Let Grow offers free curriculum, aimed mostly at elementary and middle school students, that feels like it’s giving 21st century childhood a hard reset — like “play club,” in which children are allowed to play on school playgrounds without adult interference, and the “think for yourself essay contest.”

Let Grow is part of a growing movement of psychologists, therapists and educators advocating for evidence-based practices to help kids gain more independence and improve mental health. Let Grow’s co-founder, Lenore Skenazy, said that after traveling for years speaking to parent and school groups about the problem of shrinking childhood independence, she decided that families needed more than a lecture. “The audience would nod along, everybody gets it. But they wouldn’t let their own kids do it,” she said. Skenazy began to understand that the anxiety around child safety was not necessarily parents’ fault — the culture surrounding families almost fetishized child danger. Many parents felt they would be judged — or arrested — if they let their child walk to the park by themselves, or walk to the store.

Skenazy moved the organization toward behavior and policy change to address the cultural issues. Along with the independence curriculum for schools, Let Grow has helped four states enact “Reasonable Childhood Independence” laws aimed at protecting parents from neglect charges. Let Grow also speaks directly to parents and teachers about letting kids try things by themselves — and being surprised by what their kids are able to do.

Like Megan Miller, whose trip to Cedar Point was thrilling yet also had bumps along the way. They got a little lost inside the park, and the siblings had a disagreement over which roller coasters to ride. On the way there, even with navigation on her phone, she took a wrong turn and ended up on an unfamiliar road. But that road wound alongside scenic Lake Erie, which she’d never been on. “It ended up being this beautiful drive that I will definitely do every single time,” Miller said.

Since the trip, Miller’s parents have noticed a change, she said. “I find that I’m much more comfortable driving on highways and for long periods of time. My parents know now that I can do it, which helps a lot.”

A road forward

More researchers, psychologists and educators are looking to find more ways to incorporate independence skills into kids’ daily lives.

Clinical psychologist Camilo Ortiz, a professor at Long Island University-Post, began noticing a few years ago that some of his young patients, mostly children being treated for anxiety, would “fold very quickly” at the first sign of adversity. Ortiz uses what he calls the “four Ds” to explain what was happening: Today’s kids experienced less “discomfort, distress, disappointment and danger” than previous generations did, because their parents, who have the best intentions, deprive them of these opportunities. He began to wonder whether kids who didn’t get much of the four Ds were missing an important opportunity to be uncomfortable and then persist — and whether they might help clinically anxious children.

Beginning last year, Ortiz began a pilot treatment program for childhood clinical anxiety that is based on independence and “getting parents out of their hair.”

“This is not a traditional anxiety treatment,” he said. “My approach is something like: So you’re afraid of the dark? Go to the deli and buy me some salami.” A lot of anxiety is based in fear of the unknown, so the treatment involves having an experience full of uncertainty, like riding the subway alone or going to the grocery alone. If the child can tolerate the discomfort in that situation, Ortiz hypothesized that those lessons might translate to whatever is causing the child anxiety.

Early results are promising: the independence exercises have been successful in quelling anxiety for some children. “The new approach that I have developed is for middle school kids,” he said. “So by the time they’re college students, they’ve gotten a lot more practice with those four Ds.”

Other groups help build resilience in students in academic settings, like the Resilience Builder Program, which aims to help students think more flexibly, be proactive in the face of challenges and learn optimistic thinking. The program’s creator, Mary Alvord, said the protective factors taught to middle schoolers are based on decades of research on childhood resilience. “It’s about being proactive and not feeling like you’re a victim, how you can control some things, but you can’t control everything,” she said. “How can you make the best of it, and if you can’t — how do you ask for help?”

Experts say independence and autonomy are best formed and tested in childhood, but it’s never too late to begin. At the Center for Psychiatric Rehabilitation at Boston University, Hutchinson and her team help college students diagnosed with mental illness continue their education and reach their goals, and that often begins with building their resilience and independence skills. The center has developed a curriculum that is focused not just on students, but parents and faculty as well.

“Families are a player at the table,” Hutchinson said. Parents benefit from coaching that shows them how to support their student without “doing for” them. Parents sometimes don’t understand that protecting their child from failure and difficulty can be an obstacle to growth.

“When we are controlling a young adult’s experiences, and they go without that full range of emotional experience,” said the center’s Director for Strategic Initiatives Courtney Joly-Lowdermilk, “we’re actually curbing people’s opportunities to live full lives, and have the full range of human experience.”

Fredsskadade is a Swedish word meaning "injured by peace."

What would have been a fascinating follow-up would be to have the Canadian and US participants read the answers of the Turkish and Russian participants. And vice versa.

The fact that the peaceful, first world societies have affirmed and reinforced the anxiety in their kids - the psychological equivlent of foot-binding, seemingly because there are fewer legitimate threats than at any time in history - is something these societies will need to reckon with.

#first world privilege #fredsskadade #fragility #injured by peace #adulting #adulting 101 #emotional fragility #human psychology #psychology #resilience #personal resilience #anxiety #psychological stress #religion is a mental illness

21 notes · View notes

celira · 9 months

Text

rambling from an Internet Old on fandom engagement, or a brief argument for not centering your fandom on public social media platforms:

1. when your engagement is always public, it often loses nuance. people change how they act around different audiences: this is a fact of life. different people bring out different facets of you; you might have different work and home personas; you take different roles in different social circles. when your audience could be, plausibly, Anyone On Tumblr or even Anyone On The Internet, suddenly the question "what is their perception of me?" or "how am i showing up here?" takes center stage - so you may feel the need to Stand Your Ground or boil down your stances to simple takes that leave less room for misinterpretation by some faceless rando.

... which is how you not only get rigid adherence to identities (and policing that in others) but also passive virtue/discourse signalling that can quickly turn into fandom-wide dogpiling as people are desperate to avoid criticism.

2. on social media, you have limited means of control (you're subject to the whims of whatever functionality the platform has), but you also have a greater illusion of power (you can talk to or reach anyone!). so maybe you try to control what happens to you & your content by other means. maybe you're trying to go viral. maybe you're preemptively attacking other users. maybe you try to tell people what they can/can't tag your posts as!

it's very easy to lean into the defensiveness of the fear described in #1 above. it is never possible to be beyond misinterpretation (see also: it is never possible to please everyone!), but if you beat someone else to the punch in the court of internet justice, maybe you'll be safer! /s

this can make for a miserable race to the bottom.

3. on the other hand, self-contained communities foster more mutual support. people can default to taking actions out of fear on a public platform, which is easier to project outward on the faceless masses; call it vigilance, carefulness, paranoia, whatever you want - your performance on the internet changes when it takes "could be seen by anyone" into account.

smaller spaces give folks the chance to, instead, act out of care, which is similarly harder to impart to some abstract, unspecific entity, but easier to do when you know the person. you're more likely go to bat for the sake of your community; you're more likely to trust they'll show up for you.

& being in a more consistent environment gives you the chance to assume good faith in other people. you can get direct positive reinforcement from them! which is amazing, in the cold void of harsh takes & unspecific hate that's easy to take personally in the public internet.

4. smaller communities enable mindful conflict resolution. bluntly, it's easier to sling shit around on a public platform, and yell at faceless people who you can feel superior to, without thinking about the person behind the keyboard. it's harder to shit where you eat. you have a vested interest in working things out with people when you share a community space.

there's a whole spectrum of conflict that's good to navigate! polite disagreement is healthy, & exploring differences of opinion can help people learn! & above all, feeling okay potentially saying the "wrong" thing means feeling safer being vulnerable, and vulnerability is mandatory for deeper, longer-lasting connection.

THIS IS AN IMPORTANT FUCKING THING TO PRACTICE. life would be very grim indeed if your relationships with people didn't have room for awkwardness & growth. if it's "my way or the highway" all the time, with no in between, you're going to be walking a lonely fucking road.

---

(for that matter, on the subject of nuance - here's my ironic disclaimer out of awareness that this is posted publicly: all of these are generalizations. of course there are black-or-white circumstances where something shouldn't be debated or negotiated.

this isn't about that. this, my friends, was prompted by fandom "discourse", or as we called it back in the day, fandom wank.

because that's what it is: masturbatory shit-slinging masquerading under an academic theory term.)

i didn't feel the urge to look into a fandom until over a decade later (thank you TLT brainrot), this summer. by this point, Discord servers had become more common, and are a format that works with my brain: enclosed social spaces that have more individual community structure. so i've jumped back in. they've been amazing! a lot of those folks are on Tumblr, so i'm starting to wade back in here, too.

some self-indulgent backstory:

i fell out of fandom culture in the early 2010s when fandoms did an almost wholesale shift from LiveJournal to Tumblr. at first, at its most basic level, it was because the format felt impersonal to me: at the time, there was much less two-way interaction. it was a slightly longer-form Twitter, where you interacted with folks by flinging things into the void and hoping someone would engage with you. but plenty of people still found the format engaging, so i chalked it up to a me problem and left it at that.

but getting filled in on the volume of TLT Fandom Drama that's managed to drive Tamsyn Muir herself, who came up through similar eras of fandom as i did, off the internet through its toxicity, made me realize that it's not just a close-knitness that got lost in the format shift from self-contained fandom communities (forums, LiveJournal, individual websites) to public, open-feed social media networks - it's a wholesale approach to respectful, healthy engagement.

(& of course there was always fandom wank & shipping wars & goofy bullshit, but it was more the exception than the rule - & it didn't zing all the way up parasocial channels to slam into the author!)

somewhere along the way, becoming a fan started to get treated as a reflection of identity politics. one of the most-repeated phrases among my friends is "thank god I got to be a dipshit on the Internet before everything was dissected & immortalized forever", because we got to learn and grow and play and enjoy ourselves - & that last bit is something some people have seriously lost sight of.

we had spaces in which to be unlovely and awkward! we got to be idiots together! it was definitely not perfect but it was forgiving, and truly, we owe it to one another to have room for soft landings in a very harsh world. fandom is often an escapist release. applying everything from the real world to it all the time is both unnecessary & unreasonable.

#fandom discourse #shipping discourse #ship and let ship #let people enjoy things #for fuck's sake #truly grateful that my main exposure to TLT fandom has been through small groups of feral fans who root for each other & gas each other up #love u pals #lira does a thing

9 notes · View notes