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izukuisbaby · 2 years

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⊹˚.⋆ SHOPPING HEADCANONS - MY HERO ACADEMIA

୭ flora's notes : this wasn't planned but I'm on vacation and izuku owns my heart, I couldn't stop thinking about him when I bought clothes 😔✋🏼

୭ female reader/ male reader and gn reader friendly 💓

m.list | comment and reblog if u enjoyed !

⊹˚.⋆ IZUKU MIDORIYA

℘. he insists on tagging along with you on your shopping trips. he just loves to feel useful and wants to give his opinion on what you try on !

℘. and he's honest too ! if something looks bad on you he will nicely tell you : "I think this doesn't flatter your body well enough", "you should try another colour baby ! I've seen you wear this one before and you looked stunning/handsome !"

℘. and if one of your clothes fits you well expect a SHOWER of compliments "Y/N THAT'S THE ONE, this looks so good on you and the colour definitely lightens up your face. YOU LOOK SO CUTE oh my god" and he would be a blushing mess🥰

℘. learns about your colorimetria so he can pick clothes for you to try on or as gifts !

⊹˚.⋆ KATSUKI BAKUGO

℘. you have to DRAG him to the shopping centre because he hates being around a lot of people. he says they are impolite, careless and disrespectful and he would throw a tantrum if one dares slightly push him to get to a display.

℘. is grumpy the whole time : "hurry up goddamn it, you take 3 hours to undress I'd better get in there and remove your clothes myself", "tf is that granny outfit, who in their right mind would sell that", "this colour makes you look like you're gonna throw up your guts dumbass, get rid of it"

℘. when something suits you, he will very discretely smile and his eyes will sparkle,

"looks good i guess, take it"

"you sure, you don't seem convinced katsu ?"

"MOTHERFUCKING TAKE IT"

⊹˚.⋆ SHOTO TODOROKI

℘. "sho, you're not supposed to come in the fitting room while i change !"

"oh, I'm sorry y/n i thought it was okay since i already saw you naked"

"SHO- I mean technically you're right but you could AT LEAST close the curtain, I wouldn't want everyone to see my underwear"

℘. yeah shoto opens the curtain WIDE instead of asking if you're dressed or not. to him, the world stops when you two are together and he only sees you. so of course he wouldn't notice the 20 other people around you in the fitting area, who can now see your fully exposed body

℘. shoto apologizes and is even more of a blushing mess than izuku at this point AND he pays for your stuff (rich bf shoto💥💳💥💳💥)

℘. he is whipped and biased, he thinks everything looks good on you so he isn't of much help but he is a huge support and compliments you a lot♡

℘. ... you'd have to call Mina to actually get advice though -

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seumascowan · 3 months

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Few Thoughts on a Few Things • XIX

TV Party: We've (b/c of me, I don't watch many shows at all) finally gotten around to watching The Mandalorian s3. A couple things: 1) idgaf how old I am or whatever, I fuckin' love Grogu, and I am thankful the entire series hasn't been just making me stress by putting baby Grogu in constant peril. If anything happens to him, I swear to fucking christ... 2) Watched up to the last episode, and I can certainly do without the goofy military tactical lingo and actions. It's way too forced and obvious. Just stop it.

Finished watching Letterkenny, which, ostensibly was the final episode ever. Overall, loved the show and will miss it. I did not, however, dig that last final shot w/ Wayne and that annoying Mexico woman. Why tf not have Rosie in that shot?! Unacceptable! Other than that small detail, it was a great finale.

We're also sloggin thru a few other shows start-to-finish, right now one of them is SVU, now in season 11 I think, so a shitton left. Can only watch so much of it at once though, for obvious reasons. Purpose of mentioning it is that we just saw the ep.'s with Sharon Stone as the ADA, and holy shit she is bad. Like really fucking bad. Poor lines, dialog, delivery, all of it. Gonna give her the benefit of the doubt and hope it's just the writers... and also hope ta fuck that's all we see of her on that show! Seems like I'm not on an island here.

Wanna talk politics? No? Okay, let's talk politics: I'm gonna say it — Joe Biden needs to drop the fuck out. The fact that the Democratic party, the official party, is fucked in the head if they don't see what's coming. I'm honestly baffled by it all. Either hubris or just complete ineptitude. It's just incredible head-in-the-sand shit. The simple reality that there's even a remote, even astronomically remote, possibility that Trump even has a chance should be beyond a wake-up call. Relying on a corrupt, stacked Supreme Court is beyond absurd. Dems have got to clean the shit from their ears and get with the fucking program. Relatively few in any sort of generally mainstream media have had the balls to say anything other than, "he's the guy; get over it!" That sorta shit from libs drives me up the fucking wall. One got close at least. How's about address one fucking legitimate concern people have... that people are fucking screaming about! Also, if Trump is the legit threat people say he is — I, for one, believe that to be the case with good cause — like an existential fucking threat, then why aren't Dems taking this more seriously. Look at how we've dealt with even perceived threats in the past, perhaps. Not making any sort of suggestions here, but goddammit, we're literally just kicking this old bag o' bones down the street towards straight-up dictatorship. It's really something to witness.

I saw this headline a few days ago and knew exactly what 'slur' it was referencing — firsthand knowledge from over 20 fucking years ago! In my previous life I was passing through El Paso, or maybe it was Del Rio, and had to liaise with some different feds in the area, including a few Border Patrol agents. I cannot recall the context where he brought it up, but can picture the asshole laughing as he explained to us what a "tonk" was. Yes, his exact words were, "it's the sound your maglite makes when you smack 'em on the head." Sadly, I was not in position at the time to challenge this guy. Regardless, it's FUBAR.

Old man yells at cloud: All of the two or three people who know me well knows how much I fucking hate insurance. Like, I'm startin ta get pissed even typing this! Anyhow, the insurance tv commercials are outta fucking control. And you know what chaps my ass even more about it, is that these goddamned ads are just dumbass schtick, not actually selling a product. It's the fucking emu or Flo or the goddamned cartoon lizard. It's just so fucking insulting man.

Watched 'Signs' again last week. I know, Mel Gibson is a turd, but you could honestly say the same for about 83% of "Hollywood" eh? Anyhow, remember the bookstore where the two kids pick up the book on aliens, the dude yelling about it all being a conspiracy to sell pop... yeah that's me now.

ICYMI: I made a new playlist on the youtube channel for my current training program, not entirely unlike previous programs I've written, but new nonetheless. If you're into this sorta thing, check it out. I will try to keep up posting clips from my sessions.

Thanks for reading this.

hugs & crap

#thoughts and rants #politics #joe biden #tv #movies #law and order svu #letterkenny #the mandalorian #grogu #signs #tv commercials #training programs #fitness #fitblr #personal fitblr #vegetarian lifter #health & fitness #workout #calisthenics

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gulabiprincess · 2 years

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Trust me I have a recent example of that. I work as an Assistant Sales Manager at Dillard’s and there is this cheapsss Indian lady who wanted to get her hubby a wallet as a gift. So I showed her some Polo wallets that day that were from 75 to 95 dollars. She was like “you guys are excessively expensive.” I was like “Ma’m, would you like to buy from Macy’s? They sell them for $15? And it’s 10 feet away from you but I will personally take you there if you want.” She was just dumb founded and made a face with her cheeks (like the one you make, when you know you can’t argue). Then she left hahahaha 😂

Literally can’t help it either sometimes. Esp when I’m in a bad mood u can really tell. Couldn’t give a damn about customer service at that point 🤷🏽‍♀️ also like don’t come to a store complaining about the prices if ur gonna be cheap like tf. I’m a cheapskate myself most of the time but I know exactly where and how to shop and save as much as possible without bothering some sales associate w bs like that. Don’t even get me started on the dumbasses who put all this shit in their carts without checking the price tags then show up to the cashier without enough money to pay for it all 😑

#common courtesy and respect for retail workers is smthn half these customers don’t seem to have

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jazzy-tzw · 3 years

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Y’know what got on my nerves about Cena talking tonight? He brought up the “paul heyman used to represent brock lesnar and now i faced him before” card to show cena can withstand the beast…without ever having actually beaten him like ever.

roman has multiple times, and roman’s beaten you too, john! you don’t get multiple chances to keep getting up with our head of the table, dumbass! you get one shot, and you couldn’t do it with brock so why the hell would anyone think you can with roman fucking reigns??? he’s a star for a reason, he’s been on top since he came up for a reason!

and fucksake johnathan, the “roman’s a failure wwe keeps trying to push” and “roman doesn’t sell is why I’m here” doesn’t work either, you’re talking out of your gloriously fat ass! roman’s been the best seller and literal face of wwe to everyone, love him or hate him, for more years than you’ve been acting my guy. you’re still here because your past allows it, i need you to act like it

yes, all you need is to pin roman bc you truly don’t have to prove shit anymore. but be real with me, you’re the same man as you were in 2017 when you didn’t get the 1-2-3, and now roman is even better. what makes you think you’ll get it this time?

i hate when promos don’t make sense i had to say it

I stg nothing John said in that face to face made sense. All he did was make shit up to sound good, especially to the people who don’t like Roman like I said before cause anyone with a right mind would known that the shit don’t add up.

Even with him claiming he’s gonna hang in there didn’t make sense cause Roman beat his before and he’s damn sure gonna do it again cause the mf is literally unstoppable now. Even edge couldn’t beat Roman whether there was an interference or not, hanging in there ain’t gonna do shit in the end.

Looking back at it now, it’s kinda irritating me that Roman’s dumbass sat there and laughing and smiling the whole time cause now mfs are out here eating up the lies John said when you could’ve really got on his ass. I understand he doesn’t have nothing to prove with talking shit to John, but how tf you let that man get away with this shit again?? Like damn, did you get good on the mic for nothing?

#I’m so mad at him now #lmaooo

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bioodorange · 4 years

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||Pastas on Halloween||

I'll make a part 2 if y'all wanna see anyone else

X-Virus

Cody would play an actor at one of those haunted houses

Were talking huge, multiple attractions and long ass lines

A personal HC, Cody is bomb at SFX makeup

He'd have a fun time before hand, half dressed up and helping people he worked with get ready

He'd do it with normal people because with the pastas its cheating

He'd do the same one every year and make friends through it

Start planning months ahead with everyone and leaving at random ass times to go set it up

He'd have a souvenir each year

And he'd sell overpriced tickets to those he didn't like

Even if he likes you this shit ain't free

Wouldn't let ANYONE see his makeup or costume outside the other workers for ultimate scare factor

All would be going well until he gets fuckin socked by one of the kids

Their mom would apologise like "omg I'm so sorry I kn-"

And he breaks character gets up with a huge smile on his face and laughs his ass off

"nice one" and offers a high five

Very into Halloween and very hard to upset him during this season

Masky

Claims to not be super into it

Like ew why it's just a holiday??

But spends 3 hours looking for the perfect costume at spirit

Would casually rob a Walmart for all of the candy

And on Halloween just has the stupidest grin on his face

Like his reason for being happy just halloween

That's all he says when someone asks

Takes great pride in the pumpkin he carved

Yes he dragged brian to get it with him

he MIGHT try and bake the pumpkin seeds

He has a mental list of good and bad horror movies

One comment from Brian about how he always changes his opinion and he writes it tf down

The next morning around 8:30 am

SLAM

Brian, confused "Tim what the fuck is that-"

"Everything" "What the hell does that mean?"

"you said I change my opinion a lot so now it's all here!" "What the h-"

"yes it is color coded, thank you for asking"

"how long did this take you?"

"16 hours"

Radiates proudly in dumbass sleep deprived energy

Laughing Jack

So as expected he likes halloween

dUh

Since this dude loves children

He would definitely have fun with this Holiday

He would go to like a preschool before halloween and just fuckin watch those little parades they have kids do

Like where they go around the school In their costumes

He'd roast the shit out of them

And everyone else too

He'd give so much tips like what you could do to make it better

But wouldn't tell you how to do so and continue to put you on blast

He thinks spirit is overrated and insists on making his costume himself

But he'll do it in the like two days leading up to halloween and will get very feral with anyone who interrupts his work

He likes trick or treating but not with people so he'd have like Jason and candy pop go to different rooms in the mansion and give him candy

For like 5 hours straight

He'd stab the candy on his fingers like a shish kabob

He'd also murder anyone who eats a KitKat by biting into it

Even though he's a weirdo who chews ice cream and swallows cookies whole

Homicidal Liu

So Liu feeds like stray cats and other animals in the woods

He feels bad because theres shit like the rake out there

But he would dress every single animal up

And spend like all afternoon taking pictures off them

He isn't one to dress up, it isn't really his thing

He'd wish he could hand out candy because he wants to see like all the kids cool costumes and stuff

Would low-key murder a fuckin spirit of Halloween attendant so he could have their job for a day

He'd go to Costco and get all different kinds of candy and leave out those little "take one :)" bowls like out and about

Now when it's like later at night he'd go around beating people up who like kill black cats because apparently Halloween is oh so horrible

Also in the few days after halloween when people start returning their black cats and stuff he takes all is them home to the mansion

And eventually slender makes him release them or keep them in the basement

Everyone got annoyed of dying cat noises coming from his room at 2 am

I feel like Liu wouldn't be a fan of horror movies

But he'd be totally down to watch the originals like Hocus Pocus, Halloween Town and Monster House

He is a fan of Tim Burton

His favourite movie is the Corpse Bride

Ticci Toby

He fucks pumpkin

But no Toby is a big fan of fall

And halloween!

He really likes M&M's

Chewy candy is hard to eat with the gash in his cheek

He'd suck all the colored covering off of the M&M and spit it out

He'd do this to all of them before eating them

If you watch a horror movie he insists on eating all the half popped popcorn kernels

Toby would be a fun of funny slashers like Child's Play

He'd be the one dude who'd spoil wtf was gonna happen during the movie

And get a shit ton of popcorn thrown at him

He'd get a lot of criticism for how his cosplay was innacurate

"his hoodie has thicker stripes then that like co"

Yeah uh then he'd bite this bitches finger-

Toby unironically barks at people change my mind

For his costume he'd probably go to a smaller local business to support them

He'd get dressed up as Dracula or something a classic but a good one

Jeff or something would make fun of how he could see Toby's fake ass fangs through his mouth gash

Then Jeff would get fuckin socked in the face

Don't mess with this bitch when he's excited about Halloween!

Jeff the Killer

He also fucks pumpkins

His worst nightmare see those Jeff the Killer morph suits at spirit Halloween

He'd get his costume from fuckin hot topic or something

He'd post youtube make up tutorials on how to look like him

Ben would get mad cash from filming Jeff raging when he got demonetized

He'd spend like 20 minutes getting his hair in a wig cap only to realize he didn't need it for his costume

He'd be into really shitty candies like tootsie rolls and black licorice

He'd get curb stomped by LJ for biting right into a fuckin KitKat bar

Very adamant on kidnapping children

That is until he realizes how annoying they are

"what do you mean you have to e a t" "no shut the fuck up and e- NO I DON'T CARE IF IT'S COOKED" "OH MY GOD SHUT UP"

Jeff releases the children and now refuses to hangout with ben

Simply because of how small and feral he is

He'd go around scaring kids for revenge and taking the fuckin candy they drop

#x virus #x virus headcanons #tim wright #tim wright Headcanons #Masky #Masky Headcanons #ticci Toby #ticci Toby Headcanons #homicidal liu #homicidal liu headcanons #jeff the Killer #jeff the killer head canons

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songficsbyrissi · 4 years

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Ain’t No Way (Spooky x Reader)

“Ain't no way (ain't no way), I'm gone let you down (let you down). I know it's hard right now (hard right now), To see (it's in me). But I'm gone make you say you love me.” - Chris Brown

A/N: I know y’all think when tf did I become a Spooky writer but listennnnnnnnn I’ve caught up on On My Block and that man is Fine with a capital F. Gangsters ain’t even my flavor! But seeing him and watching season 3 got my creative juices flowing. The way I got this going, this is most likely gonna be a mini series. Aight now let’s get interracial! (I’m making a joke so don’t nobody come butthurt in my inbox. I will delete your shit.)

Oscar Diaz, also known as “Spooky”, was not your type at all. You hated to admit that once upon a time, he was. It was back in high school. He was this wannabe gangster and your young dumbass was into that. It was the whole “bad boy” image that almost every teenage girl drooled over. Once you got to your senior year, you grew tired of Freeridge and the gang bullshit so you went to college far away, got your degree, and came back home hoping to make Freeridge somewhat of a better place by opening your own restaurant that held a lot of community events. Unfortunately, coming back to Freeridge also meant coming back to Oscar, who was the head of the Santos. He didn’t know you were back. You planned to keep it that way. “Hey mami!” You stopped in your tracks. No, it couldn’t be. You decided to keep on walking until the familiar voice called you by your name this time. “Y/N!”

You slowly turned around and realization dawned on you. You moved into the only apartment with vacancy, which so happens to be a couple minutes away from Oscar’s house. This was a really bad day for your car not to start. When you’re walking and completely forgot that Oscar’s house was on the way to your restaurant. You were right in front of his front yard and could see his little brother Cesar walking out the front door with his school bag around his shoulder. He’s gotten so big since the last time you’ve seen him. When he was little, he had a little crush which you were both flattered and annoyed by. “Cesar....look at you! You got so big!” “Y/N!” He gave you a quick hug. “You got...um....” You tilted your head in confusion. “Got what?” The 14 year old sighed out of frustration. “You got hotter! But I’m not supposed to say that because I’m dating Monse!” You found yourself laughing at his confession and even more at the blush coming on his pale face. “Don’t worry. I’m not gonna tell her but thank you. Have a good day at school.” “You too.” He rolled his eyes groaning. “Fuck!” You snickered as he went on his way and followed behind him only to have your name called out again by his older brother. “Oh my God. What?!” You stared fiercely at the Mexican gang banger as he strolled up to you, checking you out from head to toe. Once he was a few inches away from you, he smirked. “Damn you look good.” “Is that all you gotta say? Because I got somewhere to be.” Oscar let out a soft chuckle before eyeing you down again. “When did you get back?” You raised an eyebrow. “Why you need to know?” He said nothing and just stared at you which meant you had to say something. You sighed deeply looking at your feet. “I came back a couple days ago.” “You’re lying.” You looked up at him with an expression that said “the fuck?” “Look Oscar-“ “Spooky.” You snorted. “I ain’t calling no grown ass man “spooky”. His smirk came back. “You used to. Back in high school.” You rolled your eyes. “That was high school. We’re both grown, Oscar. Now if you excuse me, I gotta take my grown ass to my grown ass job.” You pushed past him and continued your journey on foot. “Where you work at? I could drive you there.” You let a dry laugh turning to to glare at him. “Thanks but no thanks. I’m fine.” “Yes you are, mami.” You scrunched your face up in disgust and went back to walking to your restaurant. Oscar kept smirking as he went back to his front porch where some of the Santos were chilling in the front. “Who’s that hyna?” One of them took a drag of a cigarette, smirking in lust. Oscar’s smirk dropped as he slapped the cigarette out of his mouth. The Santo grew wide-eyed and the leader got close in his face with a menacing look. “That’s my hyna. I claimed her so nobody even look at her or even think about her. Entiendes?” All the Santos present held the hands up in defense, saying they understood. The Santo in question spoke up. “I’m sorry, Spooky. From what I saw, she didn’t seem like your hyna.” “But she is.” Oscar declared as he stared at you in a distance. *********************

“Damn, boss. You look pissed.” Your employee, Simone, observed as you approached your place of business. You put your glare on her, causing her to apologize and you waved her off. “No, I’m sorry. It’s just that this morning has been really annoying. I’m sorry for being late and leaving you out here.” “It wasn’t that long. It’s fine. Shit happens. Let’s just open this restaurant up!” You managed to put a smile on your face and you pulled out the keys to open the doors. You got the place open and your other employees came later in the day for lunch rush hour. When 3 o’clock hit, in came the kids who just got out of school. You didn’t want to be that person but you had to kick them out if they weren’t buying anything. “Hey beautiful. You sexy when you’re all assertive and shit.” This medium skinned cholo bit his lip at you and it took all your power not to gag right then and there. His friend came up to you two, pulling him away. “Ay chico, that’s Spooky’s hyna.” He informed him in a cautious tone and the one flirting with you backed up with his eyes widened. “Oh shit. My bad, mami. Don’t tell your man.” The two cholos scurried away as you stood there in confusion. You spotted Cesar and his friend having burgers and fries in a booth, diagonal from you. You approached them with a huge sigh. “Oh hey Y/N.” Cesar greeted you first. “Wait this is Y/N?!??!?!” Ruby stood out of his seat in the booth and got close to your face. “Hey girl. You might not remember me but I’m Ruben aka your future baby daddy.” You placed your hand on his right cheek and pushed him back down in his seat. “Eat your food, Ruby.” “What it do, cousin?” Jamal greeted you. You forgot one of Cesar’s friends was your annoying ass cousin Jamal. “What the hell does “hyna” mean?” You questioned the group and they all looked at each other in puzzlement. “So no one knows what it means?” “It means pretty girl. Beautiful girl. It’s a compliment.” Monse stated as she popped a fry in her mouth. “Ok but two cholos came in here and one tried to flirt but the other told him I’m-and I quote “Spooky’s hyna” you explained with air quotes. “So what the hell does that mean?” The group got quiet at your explanation and you stared at all of them anxiously. What the fuck did they know that you didn’t? “Hello? Earth to the Core 4?” You waved your hand trying to get their attention back on you. Cesar drummed his fingers on the table before looking up at you. “Let’s just say.... you finding a husband in Freeridge is probably never gonna happen.” Your eyebrows were knitted together in confusion and you folded your arms. “What do you mean by that?” “Oh wow it really do be the pretty ones that are slow.” Jamal whispered out loud and turned to you slowly. “It means that......Spooky....got dibs on you. He claimed you meaning nobody else can date you because if they do, they’re signing their death certificate.” You had to bite your tongue to prevent yourself from screaming “WHAT THE FUCK?!” In your professional establishment. You turned on your heel and just got back to work. Once it was close to closing time, no one was at your restaurant. You were walking to the front doors to flip the sign when Oscar showed up and walked through the doors. You sighed deeply. “You know we’re about to close.” Oscar pointed to the sign. “The sign says open.” “I was just about to flip it ov- what do you want from me, Oscar?!” He shrugged his shoulders in response. “I just wanted to talk to you. Maybe hang out sometimes.” You laughed loudly and sarcastically at his answer and the look on his face was not one of amusement. Is it ever is? “You got me fucked up if you think I’m hanging out with a fucking gangbanger. A fucking Santo at that.” You snorted and grabbed the dishrag to clean the tables. “You must be using some of the product you be selling.” He slammed his hand on one of the square tables, glaring at you. You were a little shell shocked but tried not to show it. “You talk all this shit about gangsters and shit like you weren’t feeling one in the past but you gonna feel one soon.” “And what the fuck do you mean by that?” You found your voice after taking a large gulp. “I’m gonna make you say you love me.” It took everything in your power not to laugh in his face in that moment because that shit was hilarious but you could tell he was serious. Word on the street is Spooky was the last motherfucker you wanted to piss off. You looked at the table he slammed and noticed a tiny piece of paper that read: 213-456-7893 The next day, your car ran smoothly today so you didn’t have to see Oscar on your way to the restaurant. That made you really happy. When it was close to closing time, before you could flip over the sign, a group of young boys pushed themselves inside and stared at you. You looked from side to side and back at them. “Can I help you?” “Are you the owner?” The one that seemed like the leader asked quickly. Straight to the point. You respected that. “Yes, I am. Why? Do you have a complaint?” “Yeah I do.” The leader glanced at the other two boys with him and focused his attention back at you. “This is 99th street territory and since your little restaurant is on it, you gotta pay us rent.” You let out a boisterous laugh at the audacity of these boys. Everyone was on a mission to make you ugly laugh lately. “I’m not paying you shit. You ain’t the government.” You spoke once the laughs subsided. “Now it’s either you order some food or get the hell out. I prefer the latter so you could run back home and do your homework.” You finished in a baby voice, ruffling the young boy’s hair. The group of boys began to chuckle as they began to walk out. “You don’t know who you’re messing with, lady.” The leader warned before heading out of the glass doors. You giggled to yourself as you wiped the tables. Suddenly you got the sense that something wasn’t right and you gut was right because as soon as you went into the kitchen, bullets sprayed throughout your restaurant. You grabbed Simone and forced yourselves to duck down. Once it finished, you remembered you had your employee, Marco, outside taking out the trash. “Marco!” You yelled out running outside which was probably stupid as hell because if the shooters were still there, now they got an easier shot. You found Marco slumped against the building with a bullet in his arm. He was holding onto it to prevent more blood from releasing. You heard footsteps approach you and you fearfully looked to see the boys from earlier. “We warned you, lady. Next time, the bullet goes in his head.” The leader stuck out his thumb, index, and middle fingers to make his hand look like a gun and gestured towards you. “Or maybe your head.” He began to chuckle and his boys joined in on the laughing fest. He stopped chuckling and they stopped too. “Don’t mess with us again, lady.” You waited until you were sure the gang was gone before dialing 911 to get Marco an ambulance. “Marco.....I’m so sorry.” You were on the verge of tears seeing your employee on a gurney, ready to go to the hospital. “It’s ok, Miss Y/N. I’ve gotten shot before. 7 more times and you call me 50 cent.” You began to smile as they wheeled Marco away. That’s what you always appreciated about him. Always finding light in a dark ass situation, even when that situation was his. You took out your phone and dialed a number as Simone stood next to you. “Who are you calling?” “Probably my biggest regret.” Too vague for her to understand, Simone shrugged her shoulders and went back inside of the restaurant. After your phone call, you sat down in one of the booths just waiting. After a while, he appeared right in front of you, saying nothing. He just took a seat in the booth facing you. You leaned in close. “First things first, take that stupid ass gang claim off of me. I’m not anyone’s fucking hyna, especially not yours. So cut the shit.” Oscar remained silent and just stared at you intensely. After a moment, he cleared his throat. “Is that it?” You took a deep breath, already regretting your next words. “No. I need protection.” He raised one of his thick eyebrows. “From?” You gestured towards the glass and bulletholes in your windows. “Do you see this shit? 99th street did it. I have employees and a reputation to protect. So I need protection from the Santos.” Oscar began to crack up suddenly at your words and you stared at him in annoyance. You knew you were going to regret this shit but you didn’t have a choice. The police said they’ll get them but that’s not enough. Besides, they are used to gang activity so they’re barely gonna do anything. “You know you’re one funny hyna. First, you talk all this shit about gangs and then giving me attitude since I first saw you. Shit, you gave me an attitude right when I sat down. And now, you’re asking me for a favor. Maybe food ain’t your thing, mamita. You should go for stand-up comedy.” “If I had any other choice, I would’ve took it but I don’t. So are you gonna do it?” Oscar sat in up in his seat, folded his broad hands, and leaned in close to you. “Protection ain’t free, mami.” You cleared your throat and tilted your head to avoid showing him that the look on his face kinda turned you on. Your fingers drummed on the table. “I know that. I’m willing to pay you for your tim-“ “Nah you not paying in money, hyna.” Oscar’s hands found yourself on the table and when you met his hands, you stopped thinking for a minute. You came back to your senses and removed your hands in disgust. “I rather have 99th street put a bullet in my fucking eye before I do that.” You hissed, gesturing to your left eye. “I don’t need sex from you, mami. Well, at least not now. But I need you to make it worth my while.” You shrugged your shoulders, completely defeated. “What do you want?” “How about you be my personal chef? Cook me and Cesar breakfast, lunch, and dinner. You do that and you, your employees, and your restaurant are under the protection of the Santos.” Oscar stuck his hand out to you. “Do we have a deal, mami?” You scowled at the man in front of you as he waited for your hand to meet his. To be honest, you rather slit your wrists than cook for him. But you’ll be cooking for Cesar too and you cared about Cesar. You knew he probably wasn’t having proper meals at home and you needed Santo protection. Fuck. You shook his hand. “You got a deal.” He slowly brought your hand to his lips, giving it a kiss, stood up, and left your restaurant. Simone emerged from the kitchen, staring at Oscar leaving and turned back to you, confused. “Wait what just happened?” You exhaled deeply, struggling to get your next words out. “I just made a deal with the devil.”

Tags: @cancerianprincess @drtycomputerx

(whoever else wants to be tagged just let me know :)

#on my block fanfiction #on my block fanfic #spooky x reader #spooky diaz x reader #oscar diaz x black! reader #oscar diaz x reader #spooky x black reader #spooky diaz x black! reader #oscar diaz x black reader #spooky diaz #oscar diaz

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edwardsvirginity · 4 years

Text

And now... I introduce my best friend to Eclipse!

--0000000--

[riley’s first appearance]

Friend: who's that

mike?

(the rest of the commentary for the movie is under the readmore!)

--0000000--

[bella reciting the opening monologue: some say the world will end in fire…]

Friend: wow…drama queen

--0000000--

[Edward and bella in the meadow]

Friend: is this real or is this more of her crazy headspace

--0000000--

Edward: marry me

Bella: I have an English final

Friend: wow……. Rude

--0000000--

[Charlie grounding bella]

Friend: charlie…. is the only sane character tbh lmfao

he knows an abusive relationship when he sees one

--0000000--

[Edward sabatoges bella’s truck]

Friend: Y I K E S

A B U S I V E

this is not romantic lol

--0000000--

Renee: I just want to make sure ur making the right choices for you

Friend: she's NOT

--0000000--

[renee gives bella the quilt from all their trips]

Friend: awwww

except she's selling out her fam for bloodsuckers

--0000000--

[all the cullens wait for Victoria in the forest]

Friend: is it whatshername

the redheaded bitch

--0000000--

Friend: i'm just gonna say….alice and carlisle are the only valid vampires

Me: whyso?

Friend: idk anything about jasper and emmett, edward is weird, who else even is there

--0000000--

Me: [pauses movie because a spider has appeared by my head and I’m freaking out]

[it lands on my laptop and I scream and close it]

Ok… we can resume

Friend: what happened?

Me: [explains]

Him: ? ? ? why didn't you kill it?!

Me: killing it requires getting close enough to touch it, and that's Too Close

i don't kill spiders

anyway

Him: what?!? lmfao

you don't kill spiders

Me: killing them is too scary

Him: i'd rather kill it and know it's dead than wonder where it is

wow

me: i just scream until someone else comes to do it for me

him: that's a lot to take in

--0000000--

[jake confronting Edward about being on their territory]

Edward: I was trying to protect u by not telling u abt Victoria

Friend: mmmm yikes

bella just needs to move tf back to florida

this is….Too Much

--0000000--

[bella goes to lapush]

Friend: tbh i like his pack

--0000000--

Leah: if ur here to torture jake some more u can leave

Friend: oooooh

burn

--0000000--

[movie introduces imprinting]

Friend: tbh i think that whole concept is insane™ and i dont get it

bc it like absolves you of your own…actions

& removes the other person's choice

it's really fucking creepy

--0000000--

Friend: also it would be soooo weird to be able to read people's thoughts

Me: i know it would freak me out

i would hate being able to hear everything my packmates thought

Friend: i don't need anyone else to know how horny i am

--0000000--

[Jacob arguing with bella about the cullens]

Jacob: theyre not even alive

Friend: "they're not even alive" y i k e s

--0000000--

[riley creeping in bella’s house]

Friend: man i'd be sleepin with a shotgun lmfao

& like 12 dogs

--0000000--

[Edward yelling at bella abt bella disappearing with jake]

Me: he’s so overprotective

Friend: she needs it tho

Me: because she's such a danger magnet?

Friend: um….yeah

& she is a fucking damsel in distress

she has no power of her own :((

--0000000--

Friend: he's so…ugly

me: Edward?

Friend: yeah ……….

--0000000--

[Jake appears shirtless]

Edward: doesn’t he own a shirt

Friend: “doesn't he own a shirt"

LMFAO edward voicing my thoughts

--0000000--

[Edward kissing bella before passing her off to jake, who immediately hugs her]

Friend: the way they …. fight with each other by using her body :|

--0000000--

Friend: what do native americans think of this?

Me: [explains]

Friend: so what is the redeeming quality of these movies exactly lmfao

Me: they’re… fun?

Friend: i guess

like indiana jones

racist trash, but fun(?)

--0000000--

Me: I hate his sideburns in this movie

Friend: don't think they're that bad

his whole face tho is not great

especially pale af

--0000000--

[nonconsensual kiss scene]

Jake: ill fight until ur heart stops beating

Bella: u wont have to wait for long

Friend: YIKES

--0000000--

[Edward and Jake fighting post-punch]

Jake: she’s not sure what she wants

Friend: Y I K E S

--0000000--

[Carlisle bandaging bella]

Friend: carlisle is so hot

i wanna marry dr. carlisle

the way he medicines everyone up…

wow

[..]

edward is useless

seduce Carlisle

[..]

edward's been alive 100 years and hasn't become a doctor??? c'mon

--0000000--

[Rosalie killing her rapists]

Friend: LM FAO

love that

W O W

that's a more interesting story than bella's LMFAO

--0000000--

[Rosalie trying to convince bella to stay human]

Rose: there’s one thing you’ll want more than Edward… one thing you’ll kill for… blood

Friend: ohhh….

SHE REAL

--0000000--

Friend: & also bella's assumption that Edward is That Great

she's 18….. she hasn't even TRIED college boys

[..]

has she even had sex with anyone, ever?

--0000000--

Friend: Evil Dakota Fanning is ….. scary af

--0000000--

Friend: i'll say what i want about stephanie meyer being a fucked up mormon…. but her music taste is p good

Me: she didn’t do the soundtracks

Friend: ummm…i remember stephanie meyer specifically thanking Muse in her books

in the "acknolwedgements" section

or did you, the twilight princess, not read that part

--0000000--

[graduation party]

Friend: I feel like there should be a twilight spoof..

where a high school girl has to choose between dating a furry and a goth

bc that's what this feels like to me

--0000000--

Friend: he freaks me out

the beefy one

--0000000--

[training scene]

Friend: jasper's kinda sexy too

well, everyone looks good next to robert :|

--0000000--

[jasper’s backstory]

Friend: jasper was a confederate soldier?!?!??!

what?? lmfao

confederate vampires? thanks i hate it

--0000000--

Friend: didn't he have like a life and morals before becoming a vampire or

i mean i guess he's a confederate so maybe not but

--0000000--

[jasper’s backstory]

Friend: he just listens to her lmfao

his Evil Mexican Bruja

--0000000--

[about Victoria]

Friend: she should just make someone sexy a vampire and fuck them tho

she has the power here

--0000000--

[about Jacob]

Friend: is there a REASON he never wears a shirt?

--0000000--

[Jake trying to convince bella she has feelings for him]

Jake: you can love more than one person… like sam, Emily, and leah

Friend: thruple!

that's the only resolution here

jacob & edward need to fuck each other and get over it

there's too much tension between them

--0000000--

Alice: you and Edward will have the house to yourself tonight

Friend: oooooo

Alice: you’re welcome

Friend: LMFAO

alice is a bro

--0000000--

Bella [immediately after the scene with Alice]: hey dad, I was wondering

Friend: hey dad… i was wondering. do you have any condoms

--0000000--

Bella: dad I’m a virgin

Friend: not for long….

--0000000--

Friend: but like honestly it's all so deeply unclear to me

he has like no blood, right?

HOW does he get hard

Me: he’s always hard

Friend: i don't think that's how that works

--0000000--

[Edward and bella in edward’s room]

Bella: I wanna ask u something

Friend: "can we fuck"

--0000000--

Friend: i feel like "becoming a vampire" is just a metaphor for "losing virginity"

--0000000--

[Bella tried to jump Edward]

Edward: bella…no

Friend: ???????????

they already kiss and stuff?????????

Me: yeah

i think he's worried he'd like. fuck her to death

idk… her vulva is delicate i guess

Friend: they could do some Other Stuff

Me: yeah i know

edward is just…. too old school to understand anything but piv

Friend: fuck her to death…with his flaccid vampire dick

[..]

this is so………Weird

?????????? sex is not a sin

--0000000--

[Edward talking abt how he would have courted bella in 1918]

Friend: ???????????? i dont believe that at all

people fucked in the 1800s

edward is a fucking weirdo

[Edward starts his grand speech]

Friend: Ew

this is…. a Lot

tbh it's Not Sexy that he can't adapt to a more feminist era

[Edward proposes]

Friend: this is…… a Lot

he Keeps Asking

[bella accepts]

Friend: she's only saying yes because she's horny!!!!

--0000000--

Friend: also….tbh it's sad that these vampires have to deny their instincts and have no control over themselves

like ….maybe they should just be euthanized

Me: :O

Friend: is it fair to deny them their nature???

we don't force tigers to be vegetarians

what is the difference

Me: because… they're sentient and intellectual and can decide for themselves not to eat humans

Friend: i'm not sure i buy that

Me: you think they're not smart enough to make their own decision not to eat humans?

Friend: it seems like they have to be rehabilitated to deny a very natural instinct that they have no control over

are the cullens themselves a metaphor for mormonism?

Me: yeah but carlisle CHOSE a vegetarial lifestyle… no one forced it on him

Friend: i guess

but at what cost

lmao

--0000000--

[tent scene]

Jacob: I am hotter than u

Friend: LMFAO

--0000000--

Friend: why didn't they bring more blankets?????

how fucking cold is it

Dumbasses

--0000000--

[Edward and jake arguing over bella]

Friend: idk bella….

i'd rather fuck a hot wolf than a freezing rock hard PussyDestroying Vampire

those wolves are HUGE…. huge dicks im sure

--0000000--

[Edward talking about how he doesn’t want bella to be a vamp to jake]

Friend: i feel like they're Bonding

over their inability to control this woman lmfao

--0000000--

[jake and Edward fighting over bella]

Friend: bella is not that interesting? ? ? ?

--0000000--

Edward: if you weren’t trying to steal bella I might actually like u

Friend: wow

THIS is where they should fuck

t h r u p l e

look deep into each other's eyes

--0000000--

Friend: she'd warm up if they were having sex

--0000000--

[post tent scene]

Friend: she's not even wearing a hat rn

bella…what the fuck

--0000000--

[Edward and bella talking about being engaged, jake overhears]

Bella: it’s the 21st century

Friend: yeah, it is the 21st century…. marry them both

--0000000--

[bella asks jake to kiss her]

Friend: what the FUCK is happening

--0000000--

[bella and jake making out]

Friend: she's not even wearing anything warm

--0000000--

[battle]

Friend: carlisle…. kung fu master

Me: renaissance man

Friend: only breaks the hippocratic oath when absolutely necessary

--0000000--

[confrontation with riley and Victoria, Edward trying to convince riley to turn on Victoria]

Edward: think about it riley.. .you’re from forks… you know the area

Friend: "you're from forks… who would want that"

--0000000--

[Carlisle healing jake]

Friend: god…..my sexy, classy dad

… so smart….. so kind

--0000000--

Bella: I’m not normal

Friend: bella….you are SO normal

the reason every middle school girl read these books and thought they were like bella is bc you are just THAT normal

--0000000--

Edward: I guess we should start planning the wedding

Bella: no… something more difficult first… more dangerous

Friend: is she still talking about her virginity

#best friend movie night #eclipse #twilight #twilight renaissance #twilight saga #tts #the twilight saga #twilight revival #twilight in 2020 #twilightenment #twilight: eclipse #let me know what you guys think of this format as opposed to the endless reblogging

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dazaily · 4 years

Text

karasuno first years using pick-up lines on their s/o

soo.. i’ve been wanting to write a karasuno head canon for ages, and i gonna write a hc which turned into a short fic that i’ll probably never finish... so this is the replacement. enjoy!!

description: so the the karasuno boiz were playing truth and dare in their changing room. and tanaka and nishinoya had dared your bf to use a pick-up line on you.

warnings: implied nsfw. gender neutral reader. fluffy but sprinkled with swears. i was stressed writing this. long af. not proofread.

. ⋆ 　 * . 　· 　 ✫ 　 ⋆

hinata shoyo

i’m sorry but, did u rlly expect our lil cinnamoroll to know what’s a pick up line?

he babie 🥺❤️

n e ways, it was finally his turn on their little game of truth and dare and nishinoya had dared him to use a pick up line on you.

“a pickup line??? what’s that? will it improve my volleyball skills??”

like i said a bABIE!!

nishinoya and tanaka needs to stop tainting my bbys mind.

“udk whats a pickup line??? how did u even end up with y/n.”

nishinoya is in shock.

and then the plan commenced.

their lil game of truth and dare ended up as a lil plan on getting u hinata to use a pick up line on you.

that night, u were walking home w hinata after club activities ended.

with noya, tanaka and kageyama trailing you, but we pretend they don’t exist.

“soo,, y/n”

“sup? y u acting all weird for? ur usually rambling abt volleyball by now.. u okay?”

“hoW DO THEY KNOW?? WHAT AM I GONNA DO NOW?? THEY TOLD ME TO SOUND NATURAL BUT THEY ALR KNOWS!! uGh my senpais are watching me, i gotta do them proUD!”

hinatas mind ran at 1,000km/h, it was insane. especially for someone who doesn’t usually use their brain.

“um, uM, Y/N! CAN U HELP ME HOLD SOMETHING?!?”

confusion.

that was the only thing u felt at the moment.

i mean u were alr infront of ur house, what’s the point of holding smt when u were leaving??

“whut”

conveniently, during ur moment of confusion, the only word u could form was “what”.

“m-m-mm-mY HAND!!”

hinata screeched at ur face

...

silence. whilst noya and tanaka facepalms in the bg

it took a moment, but ur brain finally computes what ur bf just said

“pFFFFFTT,”

ur first instinct was to release the phatest snort/wheeze. shane dawson is jealous.

“y/nnnnnn~~ stop laughinggggggg”

hinata was now suffering from crippling embarrassment, as u wouldn't stop laughing no matter how much he pleaded.

omg imagine him all blushy and shiz akdkkoaw-- ok lets not get off topic

“ok,, okay, first of all, u could've just held my hand without asking? we’re dating? you don't need my permission to do smth we do everyday?? and, more importantly, who taught u that line u just used???”

u said half wheezing, half talking, struggling to convey wtv ur trying to say to ur bf.

lucky for u, he was strangely able to understand what u were saying, and he replies with a lengthy explanation of the entire situation.

“ooo, so that's why noya, tanaka and kageyama have been following us,,”

“hOWD U KNOW??? NOYA-SAN OUR HIDING SPOT HAVE BEEN EXPOSED!!!”

as u left to go in ur house, he stops u by holding ur hand and gives u a peck on ur forehead.

as he separates from u, he had the biggest smile plastered on his face, brightening the entire neighbourhood.

“goodnight y/n! i love you!”

kageyama tobio

erm, lbr this man would have 0 ideas in the field of flirting.

knowing this, our lovely 2nd year duo, decide its time for them to step in and help their junior in his dating life

despite it flowing extremely smoothly w/out their intervention

n e ways, so they forced the 1st years to play truth and dare w them.

when it finally came to tobio’s turn, the unfortunate child unknowingly picks dare which causes nishinoya to spring up.

“i have the perfect dare for you.”

commencing plan...

so nishinoya dares kageyama to say a pickup line to you, but since kageyamas a big baby in disguise, he dk any pickup lines.

bet he didn't even know any pickup lines, but that's not the point.

so, being the mastermind he is, nishinoya told kageyama a perverted pickup line.

being the clueless innocent baby he is, kageyama decides to recite the pickup line he received from noya to u outside ur class.

“hey y/n,”

“hmm?”

“do you like dragons?”

“eh? why the sudden question? i guess so?”

“cuz i can see me dragon my balls on ur face.”

processing...

what the fuck.

it was like god hit the pause button on earth, like literally everyone just paused for a literal second, turning their head towards kageyama, trying to figure out who tf was the brave soul who said that.

while still in shock, kageyama just stood there confused, as he was suddenly placed in the centre of attention for no reason. o there's a reason honey, a very good one.

“why's everyone looking at me,”

with that one sentence, the world went back to normal as if someone had hit the play button all of the sudden, leaving u to deal with the weirdly awkward situation u found urself in.

“ummm... tobio.. do u have any idea what u just said.”

“uhh yeah, a pickup line.”

at that moment, when he said that, it hit u.

“what did they do.”

“huh, what are u talking about??”

*insert confused kags*

“nishinoya and tanaka told u to do something right?”

“r u a psychic???”

despite being amazed at ur ‘psychic powers’, he immediately explains the situation, causing u to face palm so much ur face may be concave.

there are times where u appreciate ur dumbass bf being a ignorant qt, but times like this makes u wish he was a tad bit smarter..

debating ur options, u decided to explain the meaning of the pickup line he just used on u in public.

once hearing and understanding the meaning of the pickup line he used on u, his face lit up like a matchstick, shining bright red, stuttering madly, struggling to get even a word out.

“oh, um, well, im sorry for saying smtg so indecent to u in public, um ill make it up to u somehow,”

understanding him was a struggle due to the severe stuttering he was suffering from, but u managed somehow.

“nahhh, its cool, i should go lecture nishinoya for corrupting my precious baby though~~”

“b-b-b-bABY!?!?”

“hehe, yes ur my baby <3″

tsukishima kei

ugh this salty ass mfcker

honestly can't imagine him being forced into using a pickup line on his s/o

cuz, despite hw much we try to deny it, he is one smart mfcker,,,

but i think he would be curious how his s/o will react, so he would do it on his own will anyways.

umm, so this is how the situation went down.

it was another boring day, and the 2nd year duo was having none of that and decided too ensue a game of truth and dare with the 1st years.

this was how the c h a o s started.

he was trying to leave the game discreetly before he had to sell his soul to the devil.

unfortunately for him, lady luck was not on his side, as he was chosen to do the next dare.

“but wait a fucking minute, when the fuck did this become a game of dare or dare, when tf did freedom of choice decide to fuck off like that?”

plot convenience

so he was forced into a dare.

the moment of dread came when tanaka stood up shouting he had a brilliant idea. and it all went downhill from there.

so tanaka dared tsukki to use a pickup line on his s/o. and his first reaction was no.

“o come on, u never do anything romantic, i bet u haven't even held hands, sometimes i wonder how y/n’s still with u.”

“says the person who has never dated.”

tanaka shut ups.

so somehow, he managed to get himself out of the situation.

later that night, he couldn't stop thinking about pickup lines. he almost spent the whole night thinking about ur reaction. cuz volleyball is just a club, am i right..

he decided to use a pickup line on u tmrw, just to see ur reaction, not like he wants to use one, lmao that's lame, haha. a fucking tsundere.

the next day, during lunch, he left yams with the 1st year duo to go find u.

when he saw u, he immediately calls u.

“hey, where's yams, u didn't tell me u wanted to eat with me today,”

“nah, i just had something to tell u.”

at this moment, tsukishimas heart was beating faster than ushijimas spikes.

“you know if u think about it we never stop tasting our tongues.”

“hmm, now that u said it ye--”

“how bout i taste urs for a change.”

since it was so unexpected, u had no idea how to react.

as u returned to reality, u notice a slight pink on his cheeks.

u were gonna come back with a snarky comment, since it was rare he was so vulnerable(?)

but ur plans were ruined when he glanced at u making eye contact, to check ur reaction.

ur face bursts into the brightest red, hes ever seen.

seeing ur extremely delayed reaction, he lets out a laugh, but immediately recollects himself.

“it was a dare from tanaka.”

you were still bright red, but u felt the blush on ur face reducing after hearing the reasoning behind the line.

“oh, haha, i was wondering what's up”

u said slightly dejectedly.

he felt like he was just punched in the gut by guilt.

“i was also curious about ur reaction, and i am satisfied to say the least.”

he leans down to ur height to whisper in ur ear, before initiating the kiss.

ur blush returns almost immediately as u returned the kiss.

since yall were in school, he separed from the kiss after a few seconds. this is a place for knowledge, y'all nasties.

“welp, bye loser,”

after the kiss, he immediately return to yamaguchi, leaving u alone with ur thoughts. trying to escape from embarrassment.

he may be equal to the condiment on ur kitchen cupboard, but he still tries to make u happy, so appreaciate him and his efforts <3

yamaguchi tadashi

a babie uwuwuwu

pickup line what's that? hehe omf he's so cute

so how this about to go down.

so truth and dare bla bla bla... ive written this exact thing 3 times please excuse my behaviour.

since he was bored, yamaguchi forced tsukki to join in on the fun together, a decision he would regret.

soon it became yamaguchi’s turn, and everyone turned quiet due to the lack of dares they had or yamaguchi.

that was until the one and only nishinoya stood up.

“hEY, u have a s/o right, how about u use a cheesy pickup line on her!!” *eyebrow raise*

while processing what nishinoya just said, yamaguchi’s face morphed into one of dread and fear, as he turns his head to tsukishima for help.

“u dragged us into this mess, i aint helping u.”

and there goes his only help, well it was his fault in the first place dragging him and his best friend into this mess. tsukishima u tsundere.

yamaguchi was on the verge of tears, thinking of excuses and ways he could get out of the god forbidden situation he brought upon himself.

but the only thing he could think of was the worst case scenario, which was u breaking up with him.

looking at his senpais, he slowly faces the fact that there's no escape and accepts his fate.

if this is the cause of the end of ur relationship together, it just means the gods don't want y'all together.

“idk any pickup lines....”

this was his last attempt of escaping as he bids ur relationship farewell, already aware it was not gonna work.

“thiS IS WHERE I COME IN, don't worry yamaguchi i am the encyclopaedia of pickup lines.”

ofc his senpais would know the cheesiest lines on the surface of this earth. despite insisting the earth is flat.

and so the dreadful event began.

after school ended, otw to his club, he met up with u. with his senpais trailing behind stalking y'all, to see ur reaction.

“ugh out of all the pickup lines, they had to make me use the most overused one... im gonna cry,,, y/n i hope u don't leave me after this.”

well here goes nothing...

“hey y/n,,” extreme stutters that im too lazy to type out.

“hmm?”

“k-k-kiss me if im wrong,,, b-but dinosaurs still exist right?”

before he could even cringe at himself, u gave him a peck on his lips while smirking afterwards.

yamaguchi proceeds to poof into redness after processing what had just happen, as u laugh maniacally in the background.

“u could've just asked for one, and tsukishima already told me everything so u don't need to explain,"

yamaguchi did not have the brain power to comprehend the situation at hand, as he was still affected from the kiss from earlier.

“i can't believe u think i would breakup with u because of something so trivial.. im kinda upset..”

finally coming back to reality, yamaguchi finally realises the situation he's in.

“o-oh, i didn't mean to make it seem like i didn't believe in our relationship, its just that w--”

he gets cut off by u kissing him again.

when u separate, u began to laugh again.

“hAHAHHA, ikik, i was just joking around, don't worry ill love u no matter what, now off u go to ur club ill see u tmrw.”

not knowing what to do or how to react, yamaguchi felt the need to do smtg before u left.

“i love u, ill call u later tonight!”

15 notes · View notes

casualhottubnacho · 5 years

Text

an excerpt from a chatfic i'm writing

Twitter

Hammer and Dickle {√}

@USSR

@Japan 3 am, 7/11 parking lot, boring, oregon, usa, bring your battle axe and a box of matches, be fully prepared to meet god face-to-face.

Viewing Comments:

neeneepapa @oksweaty

@USSR the owner of this account: *brandon rogers voice* Donovan! Meet me on my island at 5 O'clock. Pack my battleaxe and my poetry and be prepared to abandon your religion.

ugh @lordie

@USSR okay but why tf did they pick boring oregon of all places.

sit on my face @lickmybaugette

@USSR vibe check

Furry @Japan

@USSR why do i need matches. also if ur not actually there and i just spent money on a plane ticket i stg im gonna break your teeth

[Image: A crisp picture of the clouds and deep twilight sky outside of a plane window.]

│

│ Hammer and Dickle @USSR

│@Japan you need matches because we're going to set our weapons on fire like civilized people. im bringing the gasoline. meri is gonna spectate. also.

[Image: A slightly blurry image- The photographer was clearly laughing- of a man in a heavy winter coat squatting underneath a "Welcome to Boring, Oregon" sign. His skin is bright red, and an eyepatch with a hammer and sickle is over his right eye. His hand is below his waist, making an "Okay" sign.]

│

│ Furry @Japan

│@USSR I don't trust him to spectate. he'll probably be biased towards you, smh.

│

│ Homosexual Homosapien @America

│@Japan girl no. beat his ass please and thank u.

Furry {√}

@Japan

they didn't let me bring my battleaxe on the plane smh. anyone know of any... like... battle axe stores in oregon,,, or,,,,

Viewing Comments

errebody @rockyobody

@Japan i gotchu fam. there's a store in kelso (near boring) that sells antique weapons and junk. im sure there's a battle axe in there somewhere

│

│ Furry @Japan

│@rockyobody there better be. im coming for you if there isnt

│

│ errebody @rockyobody

│@Japan gay fear

Someone Please Snipe Me {√}

@Germany

In honor of my friend @Japan going to fight one of my least favorite people in the world, I have opted to pressure her into live-streaming her Totally Radical Super Cool™ Fight on Twitch. Uhhhh here's a link I guess: Link

Viewing Comments

Furry @Japan

@Germany "pressure" is right. little rat said he'd send his boyfriend after me if i didn't do what i wanted. i would like to keep my ankles, so i complied.

│

│ Kurwa @Poland

│@Japan I hate you too boo xoxo

Furry {√}

@Japan

insert funny text here

[Images: The first image is of the "Welcome to Boring, Oregon" sign. The second image is off a pair of black sneakers kicking a pair of footprints in the dirt underneath the sign. The third image is of a woman in a full black outfit -Black shoes, black jeans, black hoodie, and black beanie- sitting on the ground in the same spot where the man from earlier was. Both middle fingers are straight up, though there is a wide grin on her face.]

~~~~~~~~~

[A Twitch stream comes to life. On the screen, a pair of black-sneaker-covered feet is quickly striding down a paved road. "Kon'nichiwa," A high-pitched voice begins, "And welcome to... Hell." The camera flicks upwards sharply, showing a neon-lit 7/11 gas station, sharply outlined against the pitch-black night sky. There are only two cars in the parking lot. One is a dirty red convertible Jeep in the employee's area; The other is a nondescript black car with the headlights still on and the engine still running.

The camera flips views. We're now met with a worm's-eye view of a snowy white face with a single red circle in the center. Bright yellow eyes sparkle with mirth as the woman fights back a grin. "So, for anyone who isn't aware, here's a summary of what's about to go down. My name is Japan, I'm an anthropomorphic country, and I'm about to absolutely destroy one of my fellow nations. Well, he's not a nation anymore, but still. He called me a name in the group chat, so I called him Old Man, so he took the obvious route and challenged me to a duel in a 7/11 parking lot. Ya'know, like you do."

Japan shakes her head and giggles. "Also, thank you oh so very much, Twitter user "rockyobody", for informing me of the antique weaponry shop in Kelso. They did indeed carry battle-axes." To punctuate her statement, Japan reaches over her shoulder and lifts the weapon attached to her back out of its holder by a few inches. "I have dubbed my newfound traveling companion Jerry, and he will take many a life in his time on this Earth."

A new voice cuts through the autumn air, strong and deep. "Did you bring the matches, девочка?" They demand. Japan changes the camera once again. Leaning against the black car are two men- One is short and chunky, with round cheeks and long, fluffy hair. 7 red stripes and 6 white, broken only by a square of blue dotted with stars, are emblazed on his face. A white hoodie with the words Designated Peacekeeper is quickly thrown onto him when he sees Japan approach. He flashes her a smile and raises one hand in a wave.

The other man is incredibly tall, almost unnaturally so. A long, military green winter coat hangs loosely from his body- It obviously used to fit him a lot better, maybe when he was wider, or more muscular. His face is scarred and weather-beaten, a leather eyepatch over his right eye. A hammer and sickle, golden and gleaming, sits neatly in the center of the leather. A fluffy brown ushanka is slightly lopsided on his head.

"Well?" He questions. He was the one who spoke before; A harsh accent cuts through his words.

Japan responds by raising a small box of matches in front of the camera. "I gotch'yo damn matches, 老人." She snarks back. The taller man raises a single eyebrow and pushes himself off of the car. "'Meri, pop the trunk," He demands. 'Meri', looking taken aback, steps away from the car and crosses his arm. "Do it'cha self, ya lazy bastard."

Despite the insults, his companion gives him a warm smile and slips around the back of the car. Japan joins them in the parking lot before he comes back around. "So, Ame, he really managed to rope you into moderating this?" She gestures to his hoodie. He chuckles light-heartedly and nods. "Yeah. You wouldn't believe the things he told me when I originally declined."

Japan snorts. "I can believe a lot of things, America."

"At first it was the regular bouts of loving insults, but then it dissolved into really weird nicknames."

"Like?"

"Like 'My little biscuit and gravy'."

"...What?"

America just laughs and waves away the question. "What's taking you so long, sugah?" He drawls, twisting at an odd angle to lean back and glance at the trunk of the car. There's a moment of silence before the man he's addressing mutters, "My... weapon... maybe a bit stuck."

Japan and America both giggle to each other for a few heartbeats before America cooes, "Does this mean we're going home, dear?" The slightly angry response is immediate. "Absolutely not, дорогой," The man spits, appearing at Japan's shoulder. "'Proper edicit', as you so often say, dictates that, as the man who called for the duel, I am not allowed to back out, even if my sword is stuck in the trunk."

"You made me bring a whole fuckin' axe when you get a sword? Sov, my good man, you are an ass."

'Sov' chortles and pats Japan on the head. "Such is life, девочка. You would have an unfair advantage if I let you bring what you wanted. You have no experience with a battle-axe; I have no experience with a sword. It is therefore a fair fight." He ruffles her hair a bit before turning back to America. "In all seriousness, the sword is probably tearing up the fabric on the inside of your trunk." He announces. America swears in a few different languages as he sprints to the other end of his car.

There's a small chime as the door to the 7/11 opens. A pimple-faced teenager peeks his head out. "Hey, uhm- I have no idea what's happening right now, but, uh... I don't think you guys are allowed to have weapons on the property." He nods towards America, who's struggling to rip the sword of out the spot where it's lodged itself in his trunk.

Japan quirks a brow and crosses her arms. Her phone goes a bit lopsided as she does so. "Oh?" Is all she says. She could possibly look intimidating, but the effect, evidently, isn't very strong, as the teen gives her an unamused look. "Yeah. I could possibly over-look that fact if you guys were to, like... scare away any customers who try to approach for a little bit, though..." He trails off and slips back inside the store. Japan scoffs. "Rude."

There's a loud yell of "Fuck!" from the next to where America should be- He's currently on the ground, a sword in his lap. "You're paying for the repairs to my poor car," He snaps, gesturing to the bits of fabric stuck to the sword's blade. Sov's face softens a bit. "I was planning on doing just that," He remarks, moving to help America to his feet. The Westerner blows a bit of hair out of his face once he's on his feet. "This had better be worth it."

"Oh, it will be," Sov says, the steely look returning to him. He picks up the blade clumsily and holds it with clear inexperience. America sighs softly and squeezes his eyes shut for just a moment. "God, this is gonna be hard to watch. You can't even hold the sword right."

Sov looks confused. "There's a wrong way to hold a sword?"

"There's a wrong way to do everything, hon."

Japan grins with a sickly-sweetness and sets her phone onto a newspaper box, positioning it to take in the whole parking lot. She steps onto the far right, Sov standing opposite her on the other side. America scurries over to in-between the gas pumps, a chunk of fabric tied to a stick clutched in his hand. "Alright, I want to see a fuckin' dirty fight," He begins, looking first at Japan, then at Sov. "Frickin' bite each other if you have to. I want to see some blood. Japan, you marked your stream as mature, right?"

"Uh..."

"Dumbass, go do that."

Japan reluctantly complies, marching over to her phone. "Alright, I'm gonna stop the stream and start up a new one marked mature. If you want to watch the actual fight, you'll need to go to that one. See you in a few seconds, lads."

The stream ends]

[A new stream opens up on the parking lot again. Japan is back in her original spot, standing rather cockily, her arms crossed behind her back, her spine straight, slightly tip-toed. America clears his throat. "Alright, like I said earlier- Dirty fight. Nothing is illegal, aside from injuring anyone or anything that isn't your opponent. That includes me, the 7/11 worker, an animal that passes by, a gas pump, a tire on a car, anything."

"Fighters, get ready."

Japan suddenly smirks and slips the battle-axe into her hands with ease. "It was bold of you to assume I had no experience with a battle-axe before, Sov." She comments, getting into an offensive stance. Sov goes slack for a moment before resuming his own way of standing with renewed vigor. "...This is fine," He mutters distractedly. Japan's grin only widens.

"And... Go!"

America flicks his flag down, and the fight begins. Japan shoots forward first, swinging in a downward slope towards Sov's legs. Sov jumps backward and jolts his arms into action, barely managing to block Japan's next move. He starts to loudly swear to himself as he continued to struggle to go on the defensive, cursing himself, the ground, the sky, Japan, and even America. "Сукин сын!" He yelps as Japan spins on her heel, around him, and cuts through the fabric of his coat, through to his thigh. The green starts to turn red as the wound begins to bleed.

Sov just shrugs off the coat and tosses it aside. Underneath, he's wearing a black turtleneck and dark grey jeans, as well as black leather boots that stop just below his knees. America lets out a low whistle.

Japan laughs a bit and starts to jog backwards, towards her original spot. "Bad move, 老人," She snarks. Sov growls a bit and bolts after her. She slips past each of his swings like sand through someone's fingers, leading him in a circle before booking it back towards America's car. The Westerner yelps in fear for his vehicle, but Japan emerges from behind it not a moment later, a jug of gasoline in her hands. She runs away from the parking lot and out into the darkness.

"Мошенника!" Sov yells, coming to a stop. He stands there for a moment, panting, before a bright flash from the opposite end of the parking lot has him spinning and raising his sword in defense. Japan appears in the black, her weapon now (quite literally) dripping with flames as she spits on a match and puts it out. "Let's get this party started," She hisses, hefting her axe. The flaming gasoline seems to not affect her as she grips the blazing handle and charges at Sov.

Her opponent stumbles in an attempt to get away, cursing in an odd mix of English, Russian, and, occasionally, Chinese, almost dropping his weapon with how quickly he's attempting to block her attacks.

"Y'know," Japan chokes out, beads of sweat running down her skin, causing her hair to stick to the back of her neck, "I'm glad I put my phone on silent beforehand. If- If it was on vibrate, I can imagine it would have vibrated off of the stand by now."She finishes her sentence with a grunt and her axe makes contact with Sov's arm, causing the man to let out a small noise of pain. Japan wretches herself back, tripping over her own feet from the weight of the weapon. "Fuck, fuck, fuck," Sov mutters, clutching at his arm in an attempt to stop the bleeding. Japan smirks. "Had enough?"

"You wish, Potter," America chuckles to himself.

"What is this, a porno?" Sov spits.

Japan starts to giggle as she momentarily drops her axe. "God, this is tiring, I haven't fought anyone in a while."

Sov makes an attempt to lift his sword, but gasps as his wounded arm seizes up. "Shit, Japan- Okay. We're both tired. I'm bleeding out of my ass and my arm. Are- Will you hold it against me if I... Surrender, I suppose? I'm far too old and sick for this."

Japan stands in silence for a few seconds before sighing heavily and nodding. She plops down onto the ground rather suddenly, squeezing her eyes shut. "I won't hold it against you."

"Good," Sov grunts, sitting down as well. America pauses before letting out a long, dramatic groan and waving his flag. "Fight's over, I suppose," He whines, marching over to Sov. "That was anti-climactic as balls," He mutters as soon as he's close enough to his friend. Sov nods distractedly. "Indeed it was. Be glad she didn't kill me- Then you'd have to explain a dead body to the poor boy in the store."

"Oh yeah. I forgot about him."

"Hah, same."

The rest of the stream passes in relative silence as Japan sits on the pavement to rest. America is bandaging Sov's arm, muttering insults as well as cutesy nicknames as he does so. After around ten or so minutes of mostly nothing, Japan slides her gaze over to her phone, makes a small noise of surprise, hauls herself to her feet, strides over, and ends the stream.]

#countryhumans #countryhuman #countryhumans america #countryhumans japan #countryhumans ussr #countryhumans germany #(but only briefly)#countryhuman america #countryhuman japan #countryhuman ussr #writing #my writing #my stuff #the whole chatfic is on both wattpad and a03 (i have the sam username on both)

9 notes · View notes

echy-hexi · 5 years

Text

Me:You let a pyro have a match... What did you think she was going to do? Just light her cigarette?

My dad, almost having his eyebrows singed off:Yes

Me:...I'm disappointed

My dad:As you should be.

///

King:hey I gots a question

Me:Nani?

King:What happens when a girl takes a penis enlargement pill?

Me:...I- what?

///

Me:You're too sober Faith, go get a beer.

///

JJ:Bruh why the fuck are the staff at this funeral home crying?

Celo:Because they work at a fucking funeral home

King:But they should be used to it

Me:No mom

JJ:Yea but you'd think they'd be desensitized to it.

Me:they're paid to cry

Celo:People have emotions unlike you. Not everyone is an emotionless piece of shit.

King:Sympathy

JJ:I'm not an emotionless piece of shit, you're confusing me with Faith

Me:lmao

///

JJ:It looks like Satan's cock

Me:Wtf

Celo:It does

Me:How would you kn-... Nvm

King:Satan, did you just send a dick pic? [Context:They all call me "Satan"]

Me:No wtf

JJ:Trap

King:Don't lie

Fai:oh

Me:I'm literally bleeding from my twat and you assume I just sent a dick pic

King:TF is a twat?

Celo:Pussy

King:o

Me:I regret life decisions

///

JJ:Lei are these still your notes for us?

"My brother said he is a explosive potato"

"Oofity scoop"

"I mad I wasted 4 years at LCA"

"ok listen here failed abortion im tired of trying to be nice so fuck off you ugly lonely ugly cunt and good night"

"Drink coffee it doesn't stunt ur growth although u don't have growth"

"lmao I got kicked out of 2 friend groups bc i said tiddies in Japanese"

"This is why you're not allowed to have a kid"

///

JJ:Isen wants to speak to your manager lmfao

///

Me:We're great friends here at Chaotic Evil™ the Group Chat HQ

JJ:Move I'm gay

Fai:Oh great

Me:We know

///

Masky:I don't know JJ I just want to kill someone so I can eat *vibrates eyes*

Me:o h l o r d

Me:gEt ThE hOlY wAtEr MoThErFuCkErS

Masky:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Masky:NOT THAT!

JJ:*sprays with holy water*

Me:XD

Masky:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

JJ:*spritz spritz bitch*

///

JJ:Everytime somebody says some dumbass shit I have a split decision between saying: "fuckin pardon?" or "come again *****??"

Fai:Why not both

Fai:Mix them together

JJ:Pardon again *****? Fuckin come again??

///

JJ:Anyway I'll be sleeping w multiple soft n fluffy pillows like the trashy hoe i am and y'all will just have to deal, g'night

///

Me:My sister wants to send a bird and some grass to China

///

Fai:i'll just stab him in the dick. No more kids for you buddy

///

Me:Reasons I don't need to discuss you butt taco

///

Jeffo:That goddamn bever exposed my twitter

///

JJ:Don't fuck rachel gardner tf y'all are both underage

///

Celo:Concern is futile

///

Su:You're literally talking to someone who read Danny x Rachel fanfiction at 5 in the morning

///

King:How y'all doing

Fai:Dying

///

Me:*recites the entire script of "history of the entire world, i guess" in chat*

///

JJ:YOU CAN'T TALK ABOUT ANYBODY BEING A BOTTOM CELO

JJ:I PUSHED YOU AND YOU LITERALLY FUCKING MOANED

Su:w o a h t h e r e

///

Me:"My parents are going to beat me" kinky

///

Me:Last year:King being accused of raping JJ

///

Me:ur mum gae

///

Me:SHE WAS LOOKING AT LEVI'S DICK-

Su:And I oop-

Fai:Stop. Halt. Halt. Stop.

///

Me:EVERYONE IS GAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Fai:No lei

King:Nope

Me:GO BACK TO YOUR CLOSET

///

Me:lets rape africa

Fai:lets not???

Me:they scrambled to see who could rape africa the fastest

///

Me:let's blame the maine on spain

///

JJ:Cactus dildo

///

Me:the holes just appear over night and magically get white stuff in them-

Fai:Alright

Su:I-

///

Me:FBI OPEN UP MOTHERFUCKERS

///

Me:michigan's a 4-year-old basic moody bitch wearing crocs and socks drinking some fucking starbucks and breaking down in the corner of america while everyone else gets high and drunk af and ignores him to cry. except ohio

ohio is michigan's not alone buddy

///

Me:kim kardashian is a boy?

///

Me:levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith

Fai:halt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halt

///

Me:all i heard was big. what-

Fai:don't worry bout it

///

JJ:You ask your broke ass friends if they have money

///

Me:my sister has a girlfriend apparently-

Fai:Her hand

Me:no

King:Jeffo

Fai:ye

Me:This chick she met in a game

JJ:When's the wedding

Me:Lmao

///

"You can't legally stab children"

"Not on purpose anyways"

///

Me:TIL my dad's boss lives near Jeffo and my sister's into punky skaters

JJ:TODAY I LEARNED THAT CELO'S MOM KNOWS MY MOM WHAT THE FUCK

Me:so kids what lesson did we learn

Fai/JJ:Nothing

JJ:Jynx

Fai:This is horrible

///

Celo:unholy tutu screeching intensifies

///

Me:im seriously crying by saying "im a weiner dog"

Me:i am the weiner dog

Me:the holy weiner dog

Su:w h e e z e

Me:im the all-mighty weiner dog

Celo:I can't breathe

Su:c r y i n g

Celo:And I'm ashamed

Me:im crying-

Me:im not

Me:im probably contact-high

///

Su:The question is not are you choking, its what are you choking on?

///

JJ:"Go jerk off to your fictional waifus, you horny fucking weeb"

///

JJ:I speak English not oui oui baguette motherfucker

///

King:i just had a flashback of when Destiny Powell started to have nicknames and called Nini tater tot.

King:then christoff just yelled, TATER TOT SHE'S A THOT

JJ:I don't remember Destiny saying that but i definitely remember Christoff saying that

///

Me:hi and welcome to college! you want fresh air? WELL IT CANT FUCKIN HAPPEN! BECAUSE WE'RE TOO AFRAID YOU'RE GONNA COMMIT SUICIDE! SO THIS IS ALL YA GET. A SMALL CRACK IN THE WINDOW!

///

Me:i enjoy the fact that none of us can actually bother correcting shit after sending unless someone points it out or we notice and it pisses us off.

///

Me:i read that as "my new seat in meth is great"

///

JJ:stop flirting some of us are trying to spill some tea

///

Celo:Squidward thicc af 😏

Me:I- Cel why-

Cel:Aren't you the bitch that likes fell

Me:fuck you dont use this to your advantedge

///

Cel:Also, how does that explain why Skyler doesn't even have a dick

///

Me, using something from Tumblr:

Cel:There's a fight going on down the block. Wanna go see?

JJ:What-

Lei:Wh- what the fuck- why?

Fai throws Jeffo and Kint down the hallway to their right yelling “FUCK YOU!"

Sounds of things smashing

Lei:I could use some air and time out of the house. Sure why not-

Est:Take me with you I've been stuck in here for *counting on fingers* 50 years-

Lei:You're only 21-

Est:It only looks like I'm 21

Lei:What the fuck-

---

JJ:Did Cal just tell me he loves me for the first time?

Lei:Yes.

JJ:And did I just do finger guns back?

Lei:Yes. Yes you did.

---

Cel:Hello-

Fai, grabbing through the bars:*Starts to choke him*

Lei: Faith! Faith! Hold on let him explain!

Fai:He’s selling us out!

Lei:Let. Him. Explain.

Cel:*Coughs* Thank you, Leila.

Cel:I’m selling you out.

Lei:*Angry screaming*

Cel:*Choking noises*

---

Cel:Why are you smiling?

Jeffi:Can’t I just smile? Maybe something good happened and I’m happy!

JJ:Faith tripped and fell in the parking lot.

King:Did she die?

JJ:No

///

Me:you force fed me pizza when i was a baby i remember the future

///

Me:all these quotes from the internet, family members, or friends. then there's "ahem You can't be bisexual if you're sansexual. You get to live with this information now, bye"

///

Some random discord shit

2 notes · View notes

bthump · 6 years

Note

what are the things you like and dislike about the '97 anime and the films?

ty for asking, i’m just gonna write a few long lists lol

97 anime likes:

the animation, including the like, yk the more detailed stills they pan over in place of action or to punctuate important moments, i love it

the gorgeous backgrounds

most of the colour choices. red eclipse, femto’s blue eyes, casca’s skintone, griffith’s mauve clothes, etc.

how close it is to the manga. like, it’s a solid adaption just by virtue of making very few changes.

so like, most of it really, because i like the manga

special mention to the entire lead up to the eclipse from griffith’s reality break to the sacrifice tho, because i think that was all pretty damn perfect. it’s the most important scene and they did it right.

actually also shout out to casca’s flashback to griffith and the dead kid, gennon, the river scene, all that. another difficult v emotional sequence that they nailed imo.

griffith thinking about how he “loves” guts during the monologue

skipped most of the griffith/charlotte sex scene iirc which i approve of

the glimpse of black swordsman guts in ep 1. it’s not perfect but it’s way better than the ovas starting w/ 15 yr old guts

the opening and closing themes. fucking love both songs ngl

also the opening monologue. never get tired of hearing it

the score

the portrayal of griffith was honestly pretty solid imo. i have very few issues there. and lbr that’s important lol

97 anime dislikes:

not a big fan of griffith or guts’ character designs.

just about everything that isn’t identical to the manga is a change for the worse

turned griffith’s scratch marks into that giant unexplained scar

adding extra scenes where casca is secretly impressed with guts’ skills in battle in an attempt to build up their relationship better, which instead just made casca look unfair for still being a dick to him for 3 years and made guts stupidly gary stu-ish

obviously the straightforwardly romantic portrayal of guts and casca’s relationship

through several seemingly minor changes (eg, skipping guts’ night of self-doubt after he leaves, giving guts’ stay with godo its own half-episode, making guts inviting casca along super romantic rather than the incredibly casual and assholish way he does it in the manga, etc) it makes Guts’ dream seem legitimately noble and worthwhile, with none of the like… implicit critique the manga has. like honestly it completely fucks up what i consider one of the central themes of the story lol

the pre eclipse stuff also fails to sell guts’ sense of regret - through things like playing guts’ theme while judeau is telling guts to leave, not repeating guts’ statement of regret after casca tells him to leave again, the tone remains consistently in favour of guts’ dream. wrong and bad.

like it really reads like the suggested tragedy is that guts doesn’t get the chance to ditch griffith with judeau and take off with casca and the raiders lol

also fucks it up by never directly mentioning guts’ csa trauma

also fucks it up by losing guts’ self-destructive single-minded urge to fight monsters that we saw thru the wyald stuff. i’m not gonna say that losing wyald was a bad decision, but they should’ve at least moved erika suggesting that guts just wants to fight zodd again to the fucking waterfall scene in question, which they portrayed completely sans zodd discussion, completely sans implication of the self-destructiveness of guts’ dream

like in the manga he nearly gets killed by the falling logs and just laughs it off like a dumbass while erika is concerned and suggests that guts is driven by something irrational and not actually a ~noble~ dream, ie, wanting to fight zodd again (ie, going deeper, his csa trauma), while in the anime we get a 2nd scene where he successfully slices through the logs as a super basic symbol of growth and a narrative pat on guts’ back that shouldn’t be there!

honestly just fucking everything about the portrayal of guts’ dream lol it just takes it at face value in a way the manga consistently never did and always undermined and critiqued, and it bugs the hell out of me.

guts is just drawn in a way that makes him look angry way too often and he often feels ooc to me bc of it. like he lacks a lot of the warmth he has in the manga imo

showing that griffith is awake when guts says “i’ll stay too” even tho in the manga those words are placed over a panel of him asleep for a reason like, ffs

lots of other random nitpicky details that only i give a fuck about because my opinions and feelings about the story are too strong lol. like not showing griffith’s face when he asks if guts thinks he’s cruel

oh huge one: moving the scene where the torturer rips off griffith’s behelit from about a day after he was imprisoned to right before his rescue. completely trivializes griffith’s torture because it still looks like he’s been in there for a day at most

why on earth did it end where it ended????????????? who’s bright idea was that? the perfect ending is skull knight riding tf out with guts and casca and femto not killing them, but then they also cut out skull knight’s first appearance so idfk man.

oh some downplaying of griffguts, like i can’t complain too much about this because it was still p homoerotic, but things like omitting guts assuming griffith wants to fuck him right before their first duel. boo.

ultimately at the end of the day as much as i do genuinely like the anime, it’s not telling quite the same story the manga was - the story it’s telling is more boring and basic. but because it sticks so close to the manga the good story still shines through? it just means there’s inconsistent tone choices and stuff, like the aforementioned grievances.

it’s like, they kept casca’s diatribe at guts line for line while she’s screaming that griffith needed him and a man can’t live on dreams alone, but they don’t extend that train of thought to guts going off to pursue his dream, while the manga does.

anyway despite that giant list of dislikes i still think the anime is pretty fantastic overall. i just also like, blame it for a lot of wrong fandom takes lol.

movie likes:

character designs! honestly imo everyone looked pretty great.

they played up the homoeroticism and i appreciate that

illustrating griffith being torn between guts and his dream through that lovely moment when he catches guts when he nearly falls off the stairs right before he catches charlotte, and in a more romantically suggestive way

the whole scene where griffith shows up at charlotte’s window thoroughly improved on the manga, so hats off there. loved how completely out of it he was to the point where he barely realized where he was and immediately turned to leave when charlotte was like ‘woah dude wtf,’ love that charlotte was the one to ask him to stay and then physically move his hand back to her tit, love how emphatically griffith was thinking about guts during that sex scene, etc. like it’s still not perfect, but it is a vast improvement.

griffith showing up in person after the hundred man fight was a nice touch

it was cool that they got a lot of the same english vas from the anime dub back, and they all did a gr8 job. like it’s a pretty good dub imo.

i liked that they moved ‘the crystalization of your last tear shed’ to after guts’ post-eclipse breakdown

compared to the anime at least gtsca was more low-key and chill rather than dramatically romantic. still don’t want it there, and still not as… unromantic as the manga, but i’ll take what i can get

the animation during griffith’s transformation into femto, yk that whole sequence, was cool

slan’s english voice was super sexy

ummmmm i feel like they conveyed the whole dreams are stupid theme, and guts’ decision to leave being a mistake, better than the anime? like i got the sense that the ova ppl recognized that was a theme, at least. i’d have to watch them again to really be sure of that tho

movie dislikes:

GRIFFITH’S. NARRATIVE.

like holy fuck they completely destroyed his character lmao

i cannot believe

no backstory! no tombstone of flame! no ‘do you think i’m cruel?’ THAT WAS THE REASON HE MADE THE SACRIFICE FFS HOW DO YOU SKIP IT????

no dead kid angst, gennon only in vague implication, no self harm - oh no wait we saw self inflicted scratches, they were just completely contextless and meaningless to the point where we could assume charlotte’s nails made them

no torture chamber monologue

no guts monologue in the tavern either for that matter

no rooftop scene

again barely the implication of guts’ childhood trauma, both the sexual abuse and the general parental abuse. one vague flashbacky nightmare doesn’t cut it, it’s the cornerstone of the story

like i get it, it’s a movie trilogy, you have to cut some things, but goddamn, cut out gtsca. trim the hundred man fight. add 20 minutes to the first ova and take the insanely long rape scene out of the third. trim down the whole eclipse sequence. don’t cut out like… the story. like they cut out SO MANY emotionally relevant scenes and kept so many much less relevant scenes, idek.

and like let’s be real here, they turned griffith from an immensely interesting and complex character into a 1 dimensional dude who is torn between a vaguely evil ambition and being in vaguely evil love with guts, just for the sake of streamlining the least interesting aspects of the story

they don’t even try to pretend otherwise lol, look at his fucking hilarious evil smile here

also while i’m looking at it, in general i think they failed at the whole eclipse sequence. looks, lighting, colour, build up of tension… there are a few minor improvements here and there (eg casca’s point of view shot of femto, femto telekinesising guts back a la the black swordsman arc which emphasizes his failure to act when he escapes), but overall it doesn’t work for me at all. like imo the anime has the exact same highs and lows as the manga, but while the ova avoids some lows it never reaches those highs.

they also had griffith overhear guts saying he wants to stay. i really don’t get why this happened twice lol, like… ok his face is kind of shadowed here but he’s still very clearly asleep? this is an important detail, guts’ interrupted words are even on that very panel, so why would you go out of your way to show that he’s awake and listening at that point.

the pacing sucked. 3rd movie was too long, 1st was too short, and they skipped waaaaaay too many significant scenes that should’ve been there as emotional beats

honestly the movies are pretty, they’re nicely fanservicey in ways, they capture some good subtleties and nuances at times, but they’re a husk of the story

oh did i mention the music during the eclipse rape? incredible.

also i am actually generally positive about the movies too despite what it seems like here lmao. i’ve watched them all like, 3 or more times and i find them v enjoyable.

i just have a way easier time listing nitpicky flaws than positives honestly. the flaws stand out to me, the virtues pass me by because i’m just enjoying them and not dwelling on them

and lbr here at the end of the day no adaption will ever really satisfy me unless i somehow find several million dollars lying around and make my own lol. and that would probably be a flop anyway.

#Anonymous #ask #a #b #theme: adaption #theme: dreams #arc: ga

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mycurrentobsessionis · 6 years

Text

Mom plays Wayhaven: Book 2 demo

Me: So which playthru are you using?

Her: I’m doing the love triangle. Most traumatic. If I don’t make someone cry, Hannah, I will be most disappointed.

Me: You could probably make Douglas cry. Poor boy’s suit is hopeless.

Her: Who tf cares if I make Doug cry? That’s like taking candy from a baby. Making Mason cry--now *that* would be an achievement.

She then plotted how to fake a death that would make Mason cry and arrive incognito at her own funeral. Why? For the evils. “Hannah, your impatience and your moral compass are what’s going to lead you to fail in life.”

Character Creation

“Apartment style...let’s do vintage. Nathan will like that ‘cause he’s old as fuck.”

“If I do not get to break Bobby’s heart in this book, I’ll be mad.”

“Charming. Because she’ll charm the hell out of Adam. And friendly, to annoy him.”

“Did she shoot Adam? Fuck. Yes. There is no reason not to shoot that motherfucker.”

“Who did she end up with on patrol? Nate did something dumb, so let’s go with Adam.”

“Yes, Angst Train, here I fucking come.”

“I consume darkness for breakfast.”

“‘Barely teammates?’ Fuck you, Mason. All you do is sulk and smoke.”

Me: I’m getting third-hand guilt from you.

Her: *eyeroll*

“These fans don’t know how lucky they are that Sera is a kind fucking god and doesn’t dwell.”

“What kind of vampire lets their one and only love through the oceans of time be kidnapped.”

“Hannah, you are under the false belief that I am emotionally deeper than a puddle. I am not.”

“This fucking car. She should sell this thing and buy a Dodge Challenger. Anything I got to shimmy open is junk.”

Her: I need some of that DMB shit.

Me: That’s illegal.

Her: And?

“Bitch, pay attention! You’re gonna run down some little kid daydreaming about dumbass vampires.”

“Do I want to be Smol or Tol?”

“I bet Tina is boy-watching. Oh, fuck yes. That’s right, Tina, get you some!”

Me: Tina and Verda are the only ones you care about, aren’t they?

Her: Basically. Anyone else, if they die, they die. But hurt Tina or Verda and I will cut a bitch.

About the Captain

“Oh, man, even this dude can’t stand Douglas’ bullshit.”

“What the fuck the Agency talking to the Mayor for? Dude gets drunk all the time. He’s going to blab.”

“See?! the Captain is already suspicious! I told you, bad idea!”

“Go play golf. You didn’t even come in when there’s a fucking murder. I’m pretty sure there’s not going to be anything important enough to bother you with. Douglas will take a fucking message.”

Me: Tina wouldn’t let you get kidnapped.

Her: Hell no she wouldn’t.

“Calling it now. Douglas is a Thrall.”

“Who is this bitch? She’s sniffing me. WTF? OK SHE’S DOING SOMETHING WIERD!”

“I need to find out what’s going on with feather ears here.”

“Dude, when are we gonna stop being scared of the fucking pigeons.”

“So the Agency is shit at secrets and cripple your agents by not giving them the tools they need to succeed in the field.”

“When the fuck did the Agency do this, and how did they build an entire underground mansion without leaving a trace? And why no unicorns???”

“OK, we get it. Nate decorated this fucking place. I get it.”

“I don’t want these fuckers peeping in my house, I will take Adam’s eye out. I’ll take both of Mason’s eyes.”

“No, they’re not excited to see you again, you twit.”

“Nate, buy a clue and see that your BFF is into your girl. And stop listening for her heartbeat. That’s weird.”

“‘The Agency uses paper whenever possible--’ Yeah right. Adam, you do realize paper files can be stolen.”

“Oh, Nate is petting her. Y’know, if she didn’t get kidnapped the first time, she wouldn’t have PTSD.”

“Oh, Mason, you little dark cloud of pessimissm and shittiness.”

“Maybe give a little heads-up, Mom. ‘Oh, FYI, a flesh-eating goblin is after you.’“

“I am teaching Felix how to make a paper airplane.”

“Adam, stop telling me how strong my blood smells. That is weird.”

“Oh, Adam, you little racist fuck.”

“Of course you’re not scared of me Felix. That would be like me being scared of a fucking ham sandwhich.”

“When you’re so boring that MASON WOULD RATHER DO LAUNDRY THAN HANG OUT WITH YOU.”

“You know what? Felix and I see eye to eye. I won’t torment him. He can sit with Tina and Verda at the lunch table.”

“95% of the time Adam pretends the Detective isn’t there. The other 5% he’s thirstier than the Sahara.”

“I complicate things? Bitch, you complicate things all by your gd self.”

“OH, NATE, you stole my goddamn phone so you could return it to me. He’s so old, he probably wrote the trope.”

“Nate and the detective are such nerds.”

“Yes. Yes. The angst nourishes my soul. I am well-pleased by Adam’s pain.”

#the wayhaven chronicles spoilers #the wayhaven chronicles #the wayhaven chronicles book 2

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goforwardgreenwriter-blog · 6 years

Text

The Worm Reads: Empire of Storms, Ch 71-72

These goddamn chapters are so long I want to d ie

The Queen of the Fae was exactly as Aelin remembered. Swirling dark robes, a beautiful pale face beneath onyx hair, red lips set in a faint smile

Of course Maeve is also drop dead gorgeous. Somebody gotta put a cap on the amount of beauty in SJM’s novels, it’s becoming too much.

With [Maeve’s] attention elsewhere, Lorcan took up a place at Aelin’s side—as if they were somehow allies in this, would fight back-to-back. Aelin didn’t bother to say anything to him.

I mean, Lorcan being on your side gives you a much better chance of rescuing Elide, but sure Alien, be like that.

That ripple of Lorcan’s power the day Ansel’s fleet had closed in … [Aelin]’d known it was a summoning. The same way she’d summoned the Valg to Skull’s Bay. She’d refused to immediately explain Ansel’s presence, wanting to enjoy the surprise of it, and he had summoned Maeve’s armada to take on what he’d believed to be an enemy fleet. To save Elide.

This seems kinda weird to me? Elide has stated to Lorcan numerous times that she’s on Alien’s side, so wouldn’t Maeve consider her a threat and an enemy? Why would Lorcan summon her to save Elide, then? But whatever, the less time we dwell on shitty writing, the quicker we get this shitshow over with.

Elide was trembling; every bone, every pore was trembling

Every pore??? Lmfao is SJM just giving up at this point?? She can’t shoehorn in sexual references when her protag is confronting the villain so she wants to just get it over with.

Lorcan betrays them and Alien is shocked, but like... why are y’all surprised Lorcan was literally only with you guys for Elide, he has no reason to like anyone else in Alien’s group of jackasses.

Flame danced at Aelin’s fingertips. No. Her magic had been emptied, still hovered near burnout.

Maeve kick her ass please I am begging you, wipe the fucking floor with her

Maeve returned Aelin’s smile. “(...)Of course, the fools didn’t realize that when you had drained yourself on their armies, I’d be waiting. You were already exhausted after putting out the fires I had my armada ignite to tire you on Eyllwe’s coast. It was a convenience that Lorcan gave your precise location and saved me the energy of tracking you down myself.” A trap. An enormous, wicked trap. To drain Aelin’s power over days— weeks.

Alien’s tiny mind is fucking blown by this but no fucking shit!!! You’re a dumbass who thinks wasting her magic on shooting fireworks out of her ass is a good idea, of course someone would notice and take advantage of you!! Does Alien even have a goddamn brain???

“The armada was a precaution. Just in case the ilken didn’t arrive for you to wholly drain yourself … I figured a few hundred ships would make for good kindling until I was ready.” To sacrifice [Maeve’s] own fleet—or part of it—to gain one prize … This was madness. The queen was utterly insane.

I mean. Maeve is an evil bloodthirsty monster, but she’s way smarter than any of these dumbasses. Honestly, I’m starting to root for her. She figured out her enemy’s weakness and used it against them, which is more brain power than Alien is capable of.

Flame slammed outward, red and golden—just as a wall of darkness lashed for Aelin. The impact shook the world. Even Manon was thrown on her ass.

Love how SJM tries to make this showdown all ~epic and uhmayzing~ but then throws in Manon falling flat on her ass. The rivalry between Maeve and Alien is barely developed so I’m hardly excited for Maeve to kick Alien’s ass. Makes me wish I could be reading Death Note instead, now there’s a good power play between rival characters.

Lorcan grabs Elide while Maeve and Alien duke it out and he tries to get her to run.

[Elide] would not. She’d sooner die than flee like a coward, not when Aelin was going to the mat for all of them, when—

Going to the mat? Wtf??? Yes I know it’s an expression of struggling/fighting until defeated or victorious, but this completely threw me out of the story when I read it. This is a (supposedly) medieval setting, and this saying just seems out of place in this setting.

A whip of black sliced into Aelin. She went down. And Elide thought the impact of Aelin Galathynius’s knees hitting the sand might have been the most horrible sound she’d ever heard.

Elide was literally enslaved in a tower and abused by her uncle but seeing some stupid queen she barely knows getting the shit kicked out of her is the worst thing she’s ever witnessed. Okay, SJM, okay. Elide deserves so much better than to be reduced to a fangirl to splooge over Alien.

Aelin crawled backward, blood sliding from her right nostril. Dripping on her white shirt.

*clenches fist* fragmentsssssss. A comma or the word and would’ve sufficed better there.

Aelin tried to rise. Tried, but her legs had given out. The Queen of Terrasen panted, fire flickering like dying embers around her.

I’ll admit, I rather like the symbolism of the embers dying out around her, highlighting how she’s utterly failed and gotten her ass whooped. Very nice.

Fenrys and Gav roll up to the party while Maeve continues to beat Alien. I know it’s cruel to say, but I’m rather enjoying Alien getting her arrogant ass whooped after unfairly winning literally every confrontation with no effort in this novel.

But Maeve let the darkness around Aelin part. She was curled on her side, bleeding from both nostrils now, more blood dribbling from her panting mouth.

Considering she’s getting whipped and stabbed by black magic, I think she should be bleeding from actual wounds than having just a nosebleed lmao. Maeve starts grilling Gav.

“Did I or did I not tell you to execute Lorcan on sight?” “There were … circumstances that prevented it from happening. We tried.” “Yet you failed. Am I not supposed to discipline my blood-bonded who fail me?” Gavriel lowered his head. “Of course—we will accept it. And I will also take on the punishment you intended for Aelin Galathynius.”

NOOOOO I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD SJM IF YOU KILL OFF GAV FOR ALIEN TO LIVE I WILL FUCKING FIGHT YOU

So Maeve kicks Gav out of her court and dishonors him, but he lives, thank god. If Gav ends up dying in this series I’m gonna have to have a long angry chat with SJM. Gav basically disappears for the rest of the scene even though he’s right there? Whatever spares him from the agony of this shitty book I guess.

Elide splooges about what a badass assassin Alien was and how she’ll wait for the right moment to strike, before Maeve removes all of Alien’s weapons for that exact reason. My sides hurt from the fucking cackling I did at that. Can’t believe I am about to stan Maeve, but she’s a ruthless, badass, calculating villain who is capable of thinking about things other than sex. Nothing but respect for my evil queen.

“What a powerhouse you two would be—[Aelin] and Prince Rowan. And any offspring of that union …” A vicious smirk. “You and Rowan could rule this continent if you wished. But your children … your children would be powerful enough to rule an empire that could sweep the world.”

Ungh, c’mon Maeve, I know you’re just fucking with Alien, but don’t make me read that garbage. Can’t wait until there’s a sequel series to Thr0ne of glass about Alien’s goblin kids being even more uber powered special snowflakes than their mother. C’mon, you know SJM would.

“It was so easy to tug on the right psychic thread that day Rowan saw Lyria at the market. To shove him down that other path, to trick those instincts. A slight altering of fate.” (...) Maeve said, “So your mate was given to another. And I let him fall in love, let him get her [pregnant]. And then I broke him. No one ever asked how those enemy forces came to pass by his mountain home.”

Great, so Lyria was nothing but a plot point to get Ratlin together now? Fuck off SJM, stop reducing your other characters as nothing but plot points for your precious OTP. Lyria deserved so much better than this.

“[Rowan] took the blood oath without question. And I knew that whenever you were born, whenever you’d come of age … I’d ensure that your paths crossed, and you’d take one look at each other and I’d have you by the throat. Anything I asked for, you’d give to me. Even the keys. For your mate, you could do no less. You almost did that day in Doranelle.”

Lmfao I love how one of the main selling points fans use for this series were “it depicts love accurately, Alien has more than one love interest!1″ and SJM fucking killed any chance of using that as a positive of the series hahahahaha I am actually fucking dying. Chaol, Dorito, and Sam didn’t mean shit because her one true love was Rowboat all long. Couldn’t have written a shittier plot twist if I tried, SJM, hats off to you. That deserves a slow clap.

Maeve ignored [Elide pleading]. “Well? When did you know [Rowan was her mate]?” “At Temis’s temple,” Aelin admitted, glancing to Manon. “The moment the arrow went through his shoulder. Months ago.”

Nothing turns me on more than my abusive boyfriend almost dying by an arrow to the shoulder. I know, I know, the mating bond in AC0TAR is different than the ones in T0G, but still.

Maeve shrugged. “If it’s any consolation, Aelin, you would have had a thousand years with Prince Rowan. Longer.”

Go tf off, Maeve!!!! I’d read an entire book of Maeve just ripping Alien a new one tbh

Turns out Alien is due to Settle in five years or so. What a relief, SJM’s precious Mary Sue won’t ever have to grow, god forbid, old and ugly! Phew, really dodged a bullet there!

Maeve calls out Cairn, the asshole dude Lorcan brought up many chapters prior.

A handsome, brown-haired warrior walked toward them from the cluster of escorts. Handsome, if it weren’t for the sadistic cruelty singing in his blue eyes.

So is he handsome or not, SJM? These two sentences are so contradictory. Maeve gives Alien a choice whether to come willingly or to refuse and let Elide be dragged along. Alien is a selfish shitlord, but she cares about Elide despite barely knowing her, so we all know which she’ll probably choose.

Next chapter, finally, holy shit that one was so long I had to skim most of it.

Aelin’s body hurt. Everything hurt. Her blood, her breath, her bones. There was no magic left. Nothing left to save her.

It’s funny how this is framed as we’re supposed to feel bad for poor Alien but I’m laughing my ass off. Act like a little shit, get hit, Alien.

Aelin simply nodded at the Fae Queen. Her acceptance and surrender.

Surprise, surprise. I’ll at least give Alien a little credit for considering the safety of somebody else besides herself or Rowboat’s Fae peen. Man, the bar is set pretty low, eh?

And because she had won, Maeve even loosened her power’s grip on Aelin’s bones. Allowed Aelin to turn to Elide and say, “Go with Manon. She will take care of you.” Elide began crying, shoving away from Lorcan. “I’ll go with you, I’ll come with you—”

Wtf Elide, no, you’re smarter than this!!!! Alien is sacrificing herself so you can be free, you run and get Alien’s comrades and then you have a chance to free Alien afterwards!! Goddamnit SJM you’re making me repulsed by Elide because all she is now is a tool to fawn over Alien dhfkhfksdh I'm so goddamn mad

Aelin’s soul splintered as she saw the iron box the escorts now carried between them. An ancient, iron coffin. Big enough for one person. Crafted for her.

Oof, so there’s the coffin bit I’ve been hearing about. Can’t really say I’m sorry for Alien. Yeah I know that’s mean, but she’s a massive unlikable selfish asshole who gets everything handed to her without her doing any work, so forgive me for not feeling bad when she finally gets a good deserved kick in the bottom.

“And tell Rowan,” Aelin said, fighting her own sob, “that I’m sorry I lied. But tell him it was all borrowed time anyway. Even before today, I knew it was all just borrowed time, but I still wish we’d had more of it.”

Again, good concept, just wasted on an absolute shit tier ship. Someone write an AU of this but with a good ship, yeah? And, y’know, rewrite most of the plot so it makes sense.

Maeve lowered the mask and drawled to Aelin, “Rumor claims you will bow to no one, Heir of Fire.” That serpentine smile. “Well, now you will bow to me.” She pointed to the sand. Aelin obeyed.

I shouldn’t be enjoying this as much as I am, but ahhh feels so good to read Alien get taken down a peg or two after being so irritatingly arrogant! Feels good, feels organic.

“Take off your shirt.” Aelin tugged her shirt out of her pants and slung it over her head, tossing it in the sand beside her. Then she removed the flexible cloth around her breasts.

So.... a bra, essentially? Is she wearing a bra? Or was SJM unsure of whether or not medieval women wore bras and was like “Ehhhh I’ll describe it as just a cloth, that way nobody can point fingers at me for shitty world building!”

Aelin didn’t fight as [the Fae warriors] each gripped her by an arm and hauled her up. Spread her arms wide. The sea air kissed her breasts, her navel.

Man, given how there’s only a few chapters left, this may be the last unnecessary focus on a female character’s breasts we get in this novel. And it’s right before our main character endures a harsh whipping. Oh SJM, you never disappoint.

Cairn halted. [Aelin] felt him studying the tattoo on her back. Rowan’s loving words, written there in the Old Language. Cairn snorted. Then she felt him revel in how he’d destroy that tattoo.

Evidently, SJM never learned what nuanced characters are. Cairn whips Alien some until Maeve orders them to chuck Alien into the iron coffin. Manon peaces out with Elide, and I hope SJM lets them run away with Abraxos to a better novel.

Time—[Aelin] was grateful Elena had given her that stolen time. Grateful she had met them all, that she had seen some small part of the world, had heard such lovely music, had danced and laughed and known true friendship. Grateful that she had found Rowan. She was grateful.

Another good example of good concept that’s wasted on a shitty character. This should be breaking my heart, but it’s about Alien and I fucking hate Alien more than almost any other fictional character. So alas, I’m left just feeling hallow and tired.

So Aelin Galathynius dried her tears. And did not fight when Maeve strapped that beautiful iron mask over her face.

Seems odd Alien would describe what is essentially an object meant to torture her as beautiful, but alright. We’re almost done folks, buckle up for the final leg of this shitstorm of a journey.

#the worm talks #the worm reads: eos #anti sjm #anti tog #anti eos

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anxiety-trademark · 3 years

Text

The week in review:

Raw 11/02 NXT 11/04 NXT UK 11/05 Smackdown 11/06

Raw:

Alexa just says, “he could be here,” then starts laughing. She’s like a walking red flag.

Love the difference in ‘play’ and ‘pain’, and I love how she’ll wave with either one depending on her intentions. Interesting to note that she’s left-handed, so every time she uses her right for ‘play’ it is absolutely a conscious decision.

Great editing to have Alexa disappear.

Randy’s got a hard life rn lmao.

Mandy and Dana’s gear looks fantastic.

Wow Lana is hella ballsy coming out there during their tag match.

Mandy Rose trying to use Octopus stretch? What an interesting world we live in.

I understand that Dana and Mandy might want the tag titles, I’m just not sure it’s wise to be fighting your future teammates ahead of SvS :/

Dana and Mandy do good team work, I just wish they’d work on the timing for their synchronized cartwheel + kick combo.

Pretty suplex, Shayna. Shayna’s probably the nicest most harmless bull you’ve ever seen. I become more and more of a fan every week.

Damn Mandy plays perfect defense but Shayna kicked out. Good teamwork though.

So Lana’s a face now because Nia and Shayna are assholes who have been tormenting her for like 7ish weeks? Do I have that right?

Oh sad, Lana accidentally screwed Dana and Mandy out of winning the titles. Ahhhh this is why Lana has no friends.

Lmfaooo. “What cuz [Lana’s] a little butthurt that I put her through a table?” “You put Lana through six tabl--” “I TOLD you NOT to say her name in my presence.” pffftt bye.

Weak finish to that promo. Hella rude to threaten to end someone’s career though, Nia. Hella rude.

I love Alexa’s enthusiasm when she’s the Firefly Funhouse version of herself.

Bro what the fuck. Christ these always have so much to digest.

I don’t... I don’t know what exactly her trick is... was that blood? Are we going for blood? That didn’t look like blood. It looked like melted fucking organs or something (or melted down candy/licorice/gelatin but let’s not get meta and ruin the fun)

I love the contacts. That’s an interesting look that I wish she’d carry on in her present day matches once she transforms into her evil, alternate self. Also noted that he used his ‘heal’ hand to turn her into the blood spitting, warped version... and I think it was the same last time, right? Was it his ‘heal’ hand last time? What does that mean in his eyes??

These are such a mindfuck ever since she joined his Funhouse. That’s not a complaint.

Why are they having Nia fight in 2 matches tonight? Why couldn’t they push this off a week?

First off, I really don’t like Lacey and Peyton together, and I’m actually quite fond of Lacey. She’s not the best worker, but she’s a fantastic entertainer, and that deserves much more respect than a random tag team with Peyton Royce.

Second, LOL at Shayna immediately clearing off the announce table. This is gonna be tragic and unfair. If I’m Lana, why the hell would I accept this match? Ego? WHAT EGO DOES LANA HAVE lol. This should be pointless in her eyes.

Lana your bravery isn’t gonna get you shit. Is Asuka gonna come out? Cuz that’s the only way you survive this.

Normally you won’t hear me cry about no selling like the dumbass iwc, but Lana did a pretty fucking high worked kick and should’ve nailed Nia in the side of the head/neck. Why wasn’t there a reaction to that? Lame. That should’ve stunned Nia at the very least. Made her flinch? Anything??

LMAO Nia just called her a pathetic piece of crap. Rolling.

Nia breaks up the pinfall attempt on Lana herself x2. Fantastic heel work. Don’t see that enough.

Peep the red marks on Lana’s back. Sad.

Fuck man, table number 7. That’s... that’s sad. Pretty bummed that NOBODY will come help her. 7 fucking times, whew.

Having a lot of the women appear multiple times tonight. Looking at how the Raw women’s division is being booked, I gotta say, SD is kinda over-bloated.

Oh cool I can actually see Alexa’s white tattoo on her shoulder blade in this lighting.

Nikki I’d advise you to not speak ill of the fiend. Also lesbireal, you iced her out the second you didn’t win the title against Bayley all those months ago.

Fucking LOVE those contacts why weren’t they a permanent part of her look as this version???

Highlight: Firefly Funhouse

---

NXT:

Ahh I love Dakota and Raquel’s matching colors.

Tbf, Dakota is a stepping stone, she just SHOULDN’T be cuz she’s way too good for that.

Dakota is so fucking scrawny. I really hope she isn’t just deemed a jobber on the MR. She needs to keep that speed up or bulk up a little.

lolol you know what Ember, you fucked around and ate a ringpost. Serves you right.

Nice armbar, Dakota. Now sit up and lock in the dis-arm-her (she won’t)

Dakota’s leading this match, peeped that call.

Ember’s suicide dive is so vicious. Like a missile straight up impaling her opponent.

LOL Dakota dodged the second. Again serves you right, the double suicide dive is Seth’s move.

Damn Dakota fucking NAILED her with that kick upside the head. You seeing stars Ember? Cuz you should be seeing stars. That was NOT a thigh slapper, that had an audible pop.

Yeahhh Dakota is absolutely the face in this match and you cannot tell me different. Ember’s arrogance is infuriating. Girl legit failed on the MR and she comes down there with an ego (in kf) tf outta here.

Love how people in nxt are constantly trying to use the Bank Statement but it NEVER looks as good as Sasha’s. Take a hint.

Love how Dakota utilizes these arm bars, that’s so random to me, has she always used submissions? Probably.

Why are we showing Ember dramatically hulk up like I care?

“This is Ember’s law” WHAT IS EMBER’S LAW FFS

HAHA atta girl Dakota, atta girl. That’s the homie, good for you. Fuck Ember’s law.

Shotzi PLEASE I could actually like you if you didn’t make me want to punch my 27″ monitor every time you fucking howled.

Also why you’d ever choose to face Toni over Rhea is beyond me but whatever.

This is not a whole new Toni Storm. You’re the friggin same. Ember has changed more than you and she didn’t even have a heel turn.

And why is the term ‘stepping stone’ being shoved down my throat this week?

Interesting that Io has chosen to tie things up with Rhea, but that’s to be expected. See now, if I was wwe, I would’ve called up Rhea immediately after this title match took place, but I already know that doesn’t happen.

Odd that they never show footage of Charlotte when they play back clips of In Your House. Triple h really that salty that she beat Rhea? Fuck man, Rhea needed that loss. Did her good.

Io: “I’m not afraid of Nightmare” I liked that.

“2020 has been complete trash,” what a babyface line by Rhea tbh.

Rhea idk when you’ll get to hold the gold again, but it’s not gonna be anytime soon. Your best hope is that you’ll win the Royal Rumble. Your second best hope is that they’ll move you to Raw and at some point in 2021, you can potentially make the Raw women’s championship meaningful again... what with it being devalued to hell since Becky left. Your realistic hope says maybe you can hold it by the time SummerSlam 2022 rolls around.

oof Shotzi’s big mad lmao. At least we skipped her lengthy entrance and that stupid howl.

Ohhhh nooooo Shotzi botched a vault like 20 seconds in. Oh man that wasn’t even just ugly, she fucking wiped out. Yikes. Yikes. Go back to the pc hun, practice that a couple dozen times more, cuz that’s the type of shit that’s gonna keep you down in nxt.

“you gotta wonder where [Shotzi’s] mind is” sure... sure...

Oh the tank’s a nod to her cousin in the military, interesting.

That cannonball was way too high anyway, Shotzi. You were never gonna make impact with that.

Holy shit Shotzi looks sloppy as fuck tonight. Usually it’s her ring work that I compliment, but good lord. Out here looking like the low card.

“Shotzi Blackheart just has not been herself so far in this one,” no this is practically a carry.

Yikes these restholds. Awful match. Do a Storm Zero and call it a night.

Christ and Shotzi fumbles on Toni’s Northern Lights Suplex. Mk.

“This match has certainly lived up to the hype” wow then y’all have LOW expectations.

No she didn’t get all of the ddt, and she could’ve ended her damn career with a dumb move like that for some throwaway tv match. Holy shit she’s such an extreme indie performer.

WOW so we sit through this long ass dreadful fuck up of a match, do a potential career ending move, then the ref just... stops counting cuz ???? and Candice pops up on screen just to get Shotzi’s attention. Hello? WHAT IS THIS TRAINWRECK. Negative 8 points to Shotzi and Candice (just because I don’t like Candice) and plus 3 to Toni for having to deal with this bullshit on her second match in nxt.

Dumb. Toni should’ve been counted out, and she should’ve been allowed to hit Shotzi with a finisher. Dumb.

lmao fuck that tank. I don’t even like Candice, either. gg. Plus 2 points.

I thought Toni was a heel? Lame. Negative 2 points for continuity.

If Xia says the letters from her family are personal, then they’re personal. Leave her the fuck alone, tmz.

Xia vs Raquel?? Lol good luck man.

Highlight: Dakota vs Ember

---

NXT UK:

Ah a squash match for Jinny, mk.

This girl looks ridiculous.

Nice impact on the Irish Whip into the corner.

Lol no selling Jinny’s stomps, ooookay.

Jinny has this aggressive wrestling style, but I feel like Bayley could toss her around lmao.

Someone give me a dollar every time Jinny calls her ‘stupid’ so I can buy a new car.

Kay so this James girl is hella athletic, that’s nice.

Rolling lightning kick? That’s your finish?? A recklessly blind heel kick while somersaulting??? Alllright, anyway.

lol plz, you’re no queen.

Ah yes a match I have ZERO interest in: Piper vs Jinny. Give KLR a squash match, I’m bored.

SPEAKING OF MY UK QUEEN

Jeeze look at KLR’s arms. Whew.

She’s so much more entertaining than the rest of the division, holy hell.

LOL KLR. Look at her sell that fear. What a fucking performer, goodbye. All the points to KLR.

Piper, KLR’s hair is way too fucking gorgeous for you to be pulling her around by it. The blatant disrespect. And you dare touch her title? Rude. RUDE.

Highlight: KLR existing

---

Smackdown:

Great video package but I have to highlight the way Sasha just sat there against the ropes staring at Bayley for what, 2 minutes? Before even acknowledging she had won the title. That was fantastic.

What’s funny is I watched their hiac match live cuz I wasn’t sure Sasha would actually win, but I never bothered with this one, because I KNEW Sasha’s curse had been broken. I knew it’d be against Bayley that she’d retain her title for the first time.

kekekek Bayley’s so fucking obnoxious.

Beautiful opening sequences. Not often can people do that particular sequence with Sasha, I think I’ve only seen Becky do it on the MR (could be mistaken)

Nice baseball slide while pulling Bayley’s ankle off the apron. Smooth af.

Jeeesus Bayley launched Sasha into the air just for Sasha to smack the apron and crash hard on the floor. Points to everyone.

Bayley playing gassed as if she’s actually tired, when we all know this girl’s stamina is aces above the rest.

Beautiful elbow drop to Bayley as she’s hanging off the apron.

Bayley sort of no sells the backstabber and goes for a messy Bayley to belly as Sasha counters into her Bank Statement. The idea for that sequence was there, the execution was not.

Oh shit Bayley hit her with the Eddie Guerrero swerve that didn’t pan out, and then popped a backstabber on her. Lmao nice.

Sasha kicks out of a Bayley to belly and flying elbow. Guess we’re showcasing her resilience as a champion. Solid.

Bayley’s so fucking fast. I love watching her wrestle when she’s not spending all of her time on the defense, holy shit.

Lmao now Bayley has her in the Bank Statement. Nobody does it like Sasha though, and there’s why.

Great match, great match. Real treat. Le curse is finally broken.

Peeped Sasha kicked her in the face on the apron, just as Bayley did when she turned on her. Nice storytelling. I enjoyed the in ring stuff with these 2, but holy shit I’m glad this feud’s over.

Man oh man do I hate Mella’s lipstick lol. I do, however, like her as Sasha’s first opponent.

Nattie: “I shouldn’t have been put in that triple threat match,” Also Nattie: “I think we should do a triple threat match,” Is ‘crazy cat lady’ ALWAYS going to be Nattie’s gimmick?

I really hate seeing other women besides Charlotte wearing Gucci, and I know that’s fucking insane but it is what it is.

This should’ve been on the show, wtf wwe.

Do the commentators not know what’s fucking happening lol?

The speed of this is as if they were told they have 3 mins, make everyone shine.

Just watched a match where Charlotte hit a Natural Selection on Nattie while Nattie had the Sharpshooter applied to someone, and she bumped it perfectly. Why that Running Bulldog looked atrocious, I’ll never know.

Should’ve given me the video explaining why this match is happening. Did Sasha and Bayley go over time? Dumb that this was so rushed.

hahaha Nattie got fucked out of 2 svs team qualifying matches in a row. That’s hilarious.

Highlight: Bayley vs Sasha

---

*Raw shined the brightest as a whole, but Bayley vs Sasha was the star segment of the week.

#wwe #issa review #feel free to ignore these #cuz who tf cares lesbihonest #today's props goes to:#bayley #sasha banks

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authenticaussie · 7 years

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Coffeshop au vs Fake marriage au vs Lady and Knight au vs Hogwarts au

aWWW man haha a big 4v4 going on,,,Damnnn. Okay okay so I love fake marriage aus man, just fake dating and anything is so good because of all of the pinning oh man it’s perfect. But then again!!! Anything that comes of a Lady & Knight au is just….perfect. All the time. Because you can have starts-off-as-betrayal-turns-into-utter-loyalty, or you can just have starts as loyalty and adventures and dragons and magic and!!! Oh boy just so cool so cool

Lady & Knight AU Headcanons:

For a betrayal au!!! Nam/Tash would be so good because you have royal lady Nami who’s adopted by Arlong and raised to be a selling point, basically, she always knew she was just going to get married off once she stopped being useful, so she decides to sell the whole kingdom out.

Except when Arlong sends her capital she gets assigned this super-fucking-cute personal guard and she’s like shit I’m too gay for this. And Tashigi is at first a bit standoffish ‘cause she’s like that with everyone but just??? They end up being friends??? And Nami’s plan to betray the kingdom and go back to her rightful home starts falling to the wayside because she doesn’t want to betray Tashigi??

And Tashigi loves this place, loves the kingdom and capital and every person in it, and always helps out in town whenever Nami decides she wants to go out and just.

God kill me okay I am 100% here for Nami seeing cruelty in everyone but Tashigi is just so-

Good. So heroic and kind and strong and Nami’s always been weak for loyalty ‘cause she’s never had it

Nami ends up confessing her plans to Tashigi but then saying she knew how to fix it and didn’t want to go through with it and Tashigi kiiiind of doesn’t believe her??? And she turns standoffish again and so cold, but she promises not to tell anyone, and Nami’s like fuck I gotta get her trust back i miss her so much—

And so Nami ends up twisting her plans and making it look like Arlong was blackmailing her and that it was his plans, ‘cause he wasn’t popular at court, and basically does this super clever coup and takes over his whole enterouge and deposing him as duke (or whatever tf he would be ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )

And arlong finds out that she betrayed him and so sends people to kill her but then Tashigi busts in and totally does awesome sword fighting and saves her life and they talk it over and be honest and just. Happily ever after ;u;

And for the loyal af I’m gonna do Robin and Koala ‘cause it’s just so flippin’ cute

There was a coup when Robin was younger and the whole royal family was murdered but lil!Koala helped her sneak away and worked in the kitchens and gave information to the rebels, and she was so young, but so strong, and helped the rebellion take back Robin’s kingdom, and so in return Robin asked her what she wanted and Koala said that all she wanted was to be able to protect Robin. (Cue flustered and barely hiding it Robin, and utterly oblivious young koala)

Robin as this elegant and poised and utterly (literally) magical lady and Koala’s been head over heels for her for the longest time, ever since she was a page and saw Robin (as a teen) with her head held high and her voice so calm and strong as she dismissed warriors to help fight bandits and take care of her kingdom.

Before Robin’s coronation she’s meant to visit every single village and know the people and work with her land so she can understand what they live like and go through but Koala’s super worried because even though Robin is a powerful witch there’s still ways to get her and begs to accompany her

And Robin acquiesces (and is actually secretly super happy that Koala still cares enough to want to protect her, because a lot of other people see her as scary and cold and strange and she doesn’t mind, but sometimes it gets lonely)

Koala totally braids Robin’s hair at one point!!!! Because it was getting in the way and Robin was getting annoyed!!! And then agrees to do it for the rest of the trip!!!! And she dies inside because Robin is so beautiful and she loves her so fucking much!!!!!!

God okay kill me

They end up camping together on the road and it’s basically just domesticity and protecting each other and taking care of each other and Robin confides softly some of her fears of being queen and koala almost half-confesses that she’s worried one day they’ll be things she can’t protect anyone from

Their first kiss is totally in a waterfall.

I don’t know why that thought occured to me but now that it has I can’t let it go

They get attacked by bandits and Koala fights them all off but ends up getting injured. And so they camp by this waterfall that opens into this really lovely cave system that’s lit by shards of glowing blue and purple crystal that Robin found ‘cause it’d help her healing magic (which she isn’t suuuuuper good at, ‘cause healing magic is innate and Robin is more of a learned witch, and has heaps of memorised spells, but isn’t good at just shoving raw power at a thing).

And in the soft glow of these crystals and she’s patching up Koala’s side she just…..Ends up tugging Koala’s chin and pressing a kiss to her lips and Koala’s like lajkhdgj holy FUCK

And she tries to kiss back properly but then ends up wincing and going all ow ow ow fuck that hurt

And Robin laughs and Koala’s like aw come on that’s not my fault. And basically ends up saying something about how she’s wanted to do that for ages is it her fault that she wants more than just one kiss???

And Robin’s like woah. excuse me, wait, what.

And Koala starts blushing furiously and gets super flustered and is spluttering and trying to explain and Robin just thinks it over while she’s spluttering and is like “So you…have loved me? For a long time?”

And Koala just ends up nodding kind of guilty but then Robin smiles at her and Koala’s fucking wrecked and Robin just says “Good,” and kisses her again!!!

And no misunderstandings occur and they keep travelling around just this time with kisses and more affection and Koala not feeling careful around what she’s allowed to do, ‘cause before she didn’t feel like she could / should touch Robin and now finds out Robin fucking loves all the attention Koala gives her

GOD IT’S SO CUTE!!!!

And when they get back and Robin is crowned it’s basically a fact that Koala is the kingdom’s other queen and when people on Robin’s council complain and says she needs to get married ‘cause she shouldn’t be queen without a king she just laughs in their face.

She’s not 100% comfortable with being a mom, because she doesn’t remember much about her mom, ‘cause she died when Robin was so young and she was always so busy with being Queen, but Koala would love a kid, and she needs an heir….

(Little does she know that she’s already accidentally adopted all of the orphaned children in the castle, who she visits regularly and tells wonderful stories about the adventures she and Koala had and supports and helps with jobs and teaching and she gives them books and like okay these like 10 kids all see her and Koala as their moms)

But she needs a biological kid apparently (she’s contemplated firing this council, they’re fucking dumbasses) so she makes a kid and the kid has magic and there’s dorky magical shenanigans as she tries to get used to the fact that someone calls her mother and means it and Koala’s like Robin, pls, you’ve been looking after the castle kids for years why is this weird???

But it’s mine, Robin goes, frazzled, and Koala laughs quietly and soothes her with kisses and they raise this kickass kid and she and Koala live happily ever after. The end!!!!!

Fake Marriage AU Headcanons:

Uhh man tbqh I love fake dating more than I like fake marriages???? Idk why but it proooobably has something to do with my dislike of marriage and the fact that people use it like it’s an end-all-be-all and a solution to every problem imeanwhat???im not cynical

anyway!! I’m a drip for zolu and I haven’t written it for ages, so;

Zoro runs this lowkey but really strong dojo along with his sister Kuina and they compete a lot in fights, but are confined to the stupid gender bullshit ‘cause Kuina’s dad won’t let her fight any guys. Kuina’s already the strongest female swordsman in the world, and demands that Zoro become the strongest man so they can have a fight and so who’s actually better, and who’s the strongest full stop.

But Zoro can’t beat mihawk. It’s annoying as fuck for him, especially when Mihawk constantly keeps asking when Zoro will find something stronger than his ambitions, when he’ll find something worth fighting for.

One day he finally snaps and points at Luffy, who’s the brother of a friend of a student that attends Kuina’s self defence class and goes,

“I’M FIGHTING FOR MY FIANCE YOU ASSHOLE”

Luffy’s like wtf. Mihawk’s like ah. Well then. i shall leave you to spend time with your fiance, ‘cause you obviously don’t know well enough what i mean.

luffy’s still like what the fuck. Mihawk leaves while Zoro’s yelling at him, and then he whirls on Luffy and Luffy’s like akjhjdg dude why are you glaring at me

Then Kuina busts in and is like YOU HAVE A FIANCE?????

And Koala and Sabo are on her heels and Sabo’s like luffy how the hell did you keep this a secret!!! You’re a shit liar!!!

I- Wha- huh????? goes luffy, and Zoro’s like yep. He is. Fucking shit liar. It was meant to be a surprise but i got so angry at mihawk

WHO THE HELL ARE YOU demands sabo

my. fiance?????? luffy goes’cause he’s confused as all hells, bUT SABO THINKS HE’S CONFUSED AT SABO FOR NOT REALISING IT

There’s a lot of yelling. So much yelling. Luffy has no idea what’s going on. Zoro ends up dragging him away before they leave and kind of explains what’s going on - his rival says he needed something worth fighting for, and movies always say love makes you stronger (”only the cheesy ones,” luffy mumbles, but shuts up when Zoro glares at him, daring him to make another comment)

Luffy doesnt end up agreeing persay, but he doesnt say no either, and so they have to handle the inquisition in the form of friends and family and then find out a lot of the people they know know each other??? and it’s only weird luck they haven’t met before then??? So they just claim that they had met before then, and it’s ridiculous and dorky and they have to answer plans about marriage and where their rings are, and zoro says he didn’t want luffy to loose his and that he was always working and fighting and so they’d agreed not to get rings and

GOD GUYS IT’S A GOOD OL’ CLUSTERFUCK

They end up going on dates where they try and get everything sorted and what they know about each other and luffy keeps making zoro laugh (which is annoying, fucking hell luffy, you’re a dumbass, zoro thinks with a roll of his eyes, but can’t deny that…weirdly enough luffy makes him really happy)

and once their friends know they’re getting married, they get shoved together a lot too, and so they go from not knowing each other very well to just learning so much about each other’s likes and dislikes and they get along really well????? like wtf it’s so weird????/ they just fit. Once Zoro stop acting so put-upon ofc tho (luffy yells at him, and tells him that it was zoro’s fault in the first place that they were stuck in this mess, so how could he get off on being so high and mighty all the time??? and zoro stops acting like a dick)

And their friends are just like oooohhh yeah i can see why you want to marry him now and zoro’s like laskhdgf fucking hell you guys you’re so thick, god i cant believe this is working he thinks as he texts back like 30 seconds after luffy replies, and smiles fondly at all the spelling mistakes and emojis he recieves in return

Finds out that Sabo gives Koala a lift to her self-defence classes and sometimes joins in as a demonstrator for them to practice on and Luffy doesn’t have anyone at home and he gets bored and lonely by himself so he comes along but is banned from the classroom and so Zoro starts teaching luffy how to fight and finds out that Luffy’s actually a good fighter but his basics are off

You know that trope where the characters stand super close to correct each other’s techniques???

Yep.

yep.

Zoro you loser.

And Zoro finds that his fighting has improved as well, ‘cause Luffy’s so wild and unpredictable and he needed a refresher on the basics too.

And one time when they’re sparing Luffy manages to pin him and crows in delight and victory and is sweaty and grins down at him and Zoro’s like

Oh shit.

Oh sweet fucking shit.

SHIT

Welcome to Feelings Town tm, population: one utterly in love Roronoa Zoro who didn’t realise until it was TO FUCKING LATE

the “wedding” date they’d organised dawns nearer (Zoro tried to keep it as small and cheap as possible, ‘cause they’d planned for luffy to leave him at the altar (no way was zoro doing the leaving, everyone would kill him. Luffy is everyone’s sunshine) but luffy has so many fucking friends) and Mihawk agrees to fight zoro before they go on their “honeymoon” and there’s a bunch of people there cheering zoro on and it’s all these friends that he’s made/grown closer to thanks to Luffy and then just about when he thinks he’s gonna loose there’s luffy, fists clenched, fire alight in his eyes, urging him on, and Zoro’s like fuck

fuck I want to make him proud. i don’t want to see him disappointed. I want to best mihawk and go get fucking married and go on our stupid honeymoon and be

happy

because that’s how he’s felt. He’s felt happy with Luffy. He’s felt so happy with Luffy.

Kicks mihawk’s ass and drops his sword into Kuina’s hands and bypasses everyone else to wear Luffy is standing and grinning and there’s stars in his eyes and Zoro basically just picks him up and like they’re reading each other’s minds Luffy just leans in and kisses him

It’s fucking perfect.

Zoro’s sweaty and hot and his blood still sings from the fight and it’s rushing in his ears but all he can feel and hear and see is Luffy

And it’s perfect.

From behind him, Mihawk mumbles, “So you’ve finally found something stronger than ambition.”

Zoro pulls away and leans his forehead against luffy’s and replies, “Don’t go all cheesy family movie on me now, Mihawk.”

and Luffy laughs and they kiss again and its!!!! so cheesy!!! so cute!!! so good!!!

And they end up putting the marriage off for a bit and dating for a few years but everyone still calls them fiances / the old married couple and one day when they’re sprawled on the couch Zoro just turns to luffy and goes,

“Hey, do you want to finally actually get married?”

And luffy grins and zoro rolls his eyes and he’s like “yes i get that we practically already are, but I-”

“want to buy you a ring. And that stupid stuff. Alright?”

“Alright,” Luffy goes, still grinning super super wide, “but you might wanna put it on a necklace or smth ‘cause you know im gonna lose it.”

Zoro groans and is like dont i know it. half of our yearly pay’s gonna go to replace ur wedding ring.

and just!!! laughter and happiness and happily ever after. The end!!!!

#opfanfic #namtash #robin/koala #koala/robin #zolu #nico robin #nari is writing #one piece #long post #aussie's anons #ask aussie #bip bop nari drops #tbqh i think my Favourite is the ko/ro one ;u; <333 #also in the zolu one like just #zoro not even REALISING until the fight with mihawk like omfg #what a Loser

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