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primatechnosynthpop · 8 months

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If You Push Them Too Hard, They're Going To Break

Part 2

[Part 1]

"I'm going out witch hunting. Wish me luck."

Jemaine glanced reproachfully up at Bret from his spot on the couch. "What? I thought we were going to have band practice."

That was a blatant lie. He'd sat down to watch tv, not practice; his bass wasn't even in the same room. But he hoped, vainly, that appealing to the band would convince Bret to come down from all this magical girl nonsense.

No such luck. "Can't right now," Bret said with an apologetic half-shrug. "I need to get a grief seed or I'll run out of magic."

Jemaine scowled. "What do you need magic for, anyway? Just stop using it and you won't run out."

Bret narrowed his eyes. Jemaine was impossible to deal with when he got stubborn like this. (Jemaine, incidentally, was thinking the same thing about Bret right about then). "I'm going, man. You can't stop me."

Jemaine gave an annoyed little grumble and turned his back on Bret, shoulders squared. Bret nearly made it out the door before he spoke up again.

"Are you going with Murray again?"

"No, he'd just make me fight another familiar."

"Yeah, but at least you'd have someone with you... even if it's just Murray."

Despite himself, Bret's lips twitched into a slight smile at that remark. That confirmed his suspicions: Jemaine was only giving him a hard time about this half because he was a dickhead, and half because he was worried. It was sweet, really. At the same time, he had to roll his eyes. Did Jemaine really think he couldn't handle himself alone on one single witch hunt?

"I'll be fine, Jemaine," he promised, and headed out the door.

He found the entrace to a witch's labyrinth outside a laundromat-- not the one he and Jemaine usually went to, but a more run-down one in a different neighbourhood, with paint peeling off the walls. It was just spooky enough to be the perfect place for a witch to hide.

When he stepped through the threshold, the world folded into what looked like a lived-in house. Laundry was strewn over the carpeted floor, some of it bearing suspicious stains. There were also recycling bags stuffed with something that Bret elected with a queasy feeling in his gut not to look too hard at, but it definitely wasn't recycling. And there were a few suitcases with papers covered in runes spilling out. He tiptoed gingerly around all the mess, shuddering each time his foot brushed up against something.

In the living room there was a tv full of static that kept playing the same distorted footage of a couple on loop. It looked like a home movie. It would show a man and woman sitting around, having dinner, doing chores, and then suddenly short out before restarting. Bret stood and watched it repeat for a while. It almost put him in a trance.

Just as his eyes were beginning to cross, a shadow fell across him and he turned just in time to see an electric toothbrush with blades for bristles flying at him. In a flash his bow appeared in his hand and he knocked the familiar away with it. It went down easy, much easier than the cutlery familiar he'd helped Murray deal with the other night, but three more quickly took its place, forming a barricade blocking off a nearby door. Summoning three arrows from the ether, Bret notched and fired them all at once with far more skill than he would have had pre-magic. Only one arrow hit the mark, but that was enough to clear a space for him to charge through into the next room.

Now that the witch's familiars knew he was there, it was time to transform. Actually, it had been time to transform before he entered the labyrinth, but Bret could be forgetful and it was better late than never. He tossed his soul gem high in the air and let the magic pour down and wrap around him, compelling him to twist and twirl in an elegant dance as his magical outfit appeared on him piece by piece.

A snug brown leather vest with short puffy white sleeves and a lacy white undershirt. A dress with two layers, the outer layer delicate white crochet that sparkled like fresh snow and the inner layer fluffy brown wool. Ballet slippers with ribbons that wound all the way up to his knees. An ornament in his hair decorated with black-tipped gray and white feathers. Finally, a belt designed like a keyboard, with his soul gem fastened to it.

Bret made his way through the twisting corridors of the house-themed labyrinth at a quick pace, alternately shooting down attacking familiars or just knocking them aside with his bow when he was in a hurry. Finally, he kicked down a door and burst into what must have been the main chamber. It looked like a bedroom. More of the dirty clothes that decorated the labyrinth were piled up at the foot of a massive bed in the middle of the room. On or rather in that bed, an amorphous mass churned and shuddered beneath the blankets. Bret froze at the sight of it, blood running cold. That was the witch. He could tell as soon as he saw it.

Cautiously, he stepped toward the bed, drawing back his bowstring. Before he could fire, something shot out from the bed. It moved too fast for him to see-- all he caught a glimpse of was a grayish blur-- but suddenly a weight like a twelve-ton truck slammed into his chest.

Bret flew back across the room and thudded against the door, which had closed behind him as soon as he entered even though he'd kicked it down. Things didn't have to make sense in witch labyrinths. He slid to the ground, stunned. His vision whited out for a second there and he had to blink several times to clear up the blur, and his ears rang, but overall he hurt less than expected. Less than it felt like he should. The blow had knocked his weapon out of his hand and he couldn't see where it landed, but luckily it was magic and he could just make a new one appear.

Bret ran around the bottom of the bed, firing off arrows left and right. It was a huge target, hard to miss, but his shots bounced harmlessly off the blankets. Sometimes he caught flashes of brown or pink in the gaps between the sheets. When he managed to land an arrow through one of those gaps, the witch screeched and he knew he was onto something.

Problem was, those precision shots were hard to line up. When he got too close the blurry thing that hit him before would pop out again. After seeing it a few times he identified it semi-confidently as a socked foot, scaled up to match the size of the bed. He was pretty proud of himself for figuring that out. Unfortunately, knowing what the giant appendage was didn't stop it from pummeling him in the head. He fell, skidding across the carpet, and a couple more toothbrush familiars took the opportunity to dive-bomb him while he was down. Gritting his teeth, Bret rolled out of the familiars' way and jumped to his feet. This time when the foot came at him he shot it with an arrow, leaving a clean hole through fabric and flesh alike. The witch roared. While it was incapacitated, he jumped.

Maybe it was the ballet slippers that were part of his uniform, but he could move a lot more nimbly now. He leapt ten feet in the air, doing a flip along the way, and barely wobbled at all when he landed atop one of the witch's four elaborately carved bedposts. At this rate his days of getting his head stuck in a chair were over. He aimed his weapon down at the churning sea of blankets below him and waited until they were parted just so until...

Spla-thock! His arrow drove deep into a sliver of the witch's exposed flesh. It screeched and thrashed around violently. Bret stumbled back at the rough motion, nearly losing his footing. He fired off another shot, but this one went wide. The witch bellowed, its body shook, and its shield of blankets parted like a theatre curtain to fully reveal what Bret had only caught brief glimpses of up until then.

The witch's inner body looked like two naked human figures melded together, but all the limbs were sticking out of the wrong places and there were no faces. The whole thing was covered in a sort of ooze, and it pulsated rhythmically. Bret shuddered at the sight of it.

Determined to get this fight over with as quick as possible, he pulled as many arrows out of the ether as could fit along the length of his bow and lined them all up at once. He concentrated on the shot before he took it. A little more magic built up around the arrowheads that way. When he fired, he also jumped down. He got the feeling this would be it, and if the witch exploded or something he wanted to be safely on the ground first.

For once his confidence was earned. A half-dozen arrows riddled the witch's body, each radiating magic that blasted away a crater of flesh upon impact. The witch convulsed. Soon its inner body dissolved away and it was nothing but a lifeless bedframe. At that point the pitiful creak of old wood rang out and it split in half down the middle and collapsed in a pile of quickly disintegrating wood and fabric.

Bret watched the witch die with a mix of pride and awe and something like fear-- not fear of the witch anymore, because it was taken care of, but at himself. He'd never killed anything on purpose before. Jemaine gave him a hard time for cautiously stepping over ants on the sidewalk. There was the familiar the other day, sure, but Murray had initiated that and been the one to finish it off. But this time Bret had just set out to kill something, and he'd done it, all by himself. It sounded funny when you thought about it that way.

A glint of reflected light from above caught his eye. He looked up, contemplation immediately forgotten, to see a black sort of seed-shaped object fall from the sky. (Black seeds... hm, that would be a good name for a band, he thought.) He snatched the grief seed out of the air with an eager snap of his hand and let his magical clothes melt back into his normal clothes as the labyrinth began to dissolve.

Jemaine paced around the flat, footfalls thundering to match his stormy disposition. His hands were balled in his pockets and his jaw was clenched so tight it was starting to ache. Memories of the familiar hunt Murray had dragged them on a few days ago played on repeat in his mind no matter how hard he tried to think of anything else. He kept picturing that familiar with all its sharp edges stabbing their manager from behind, but with Bret in Murray's place. Every time he pictured it his subconscious helpfully added a little extra blood, made him sway in place for longer, drained more of the life from his eyes.

When the door finally opened and Bret strolled in with a grief seed in hand, Jemaine immediately sagged with relief. He then plopped himself down on the nearest sitting surface-- a kitchen chair-- with his arms crossed, trying to look like he'd been sitting there the whole time, definitely not worried out of his mind.

"Hi, Jemaine," Bret greeted him in the same chipper tone he got when he'd hit it off with a lady.

Jemaine turned his head to the side and pointedly did not return the greeting. Bret frowned, shoulders slumping just the tiniest bit. He'd expected to be met with more of the same bad attitude, but he'd hoped that coming home successful would change his friend's tune. But it looked like things wouldn't go his way so easily.

"Do you want to know what the witch was like?" he pressed, pulling up the other chair to sit across from Jemaine.

"Not particularly."

"It was big, much bigger than a familiar, and it looked like a bed with some gross meat inside," he said anyway. "It kicked me a few times, but I handled it. I wish you were there."

"I don't. It sounds horrible."

"Yeah, it was. That's why it would have been nice to have you there to support me."

Despite himself, Jemaine blushed at that. For a second he wondered if becoming a magical girl would really be so bad. If he and Bret did it together like they did almost everything else, maybe...? Then his mind flashed back to Murray getting stabbed again, and he shook his head. No, no way.

"Tomorrow we should go to Dave's and see what he'd give us for your soul gem," he said decisively. "You won't need to worry about keeping it purified if we pawn it."

Bret recoiled at the suggestion, giving him a wounded look. "No way. It's my soul gem; I can do what I want with it."

"And maybe you'll want to sell it," Jemaine said with a shrug, playing coy. "It'd just be to see."

It would not just be to see. If Bret didn't agree to give the soul gem up willingly, Jemaine would kick him out of the band and not let him rejoin until he changed his mind. And if that didn't work he'd grab the ring off him when he was sleeping and smash it. But whatever got Bret to reluctantly agree to go talk to Dave about it was a small victory in Jemaine's book.

After all the shit they'd tried to pawn off on him over the years, Dave never in his life would have expected Jemaine and Bret to come in with an actual jewel. At least it looked real enough from this angle. He didn't know, he'd have to test it or something before forking over any cash, but when he turned it over in his hands and watched the way it glimmered in the light he had the sneaking suspicion he wouldn't be able to get away with offering less than a hundred bucks for it. These guys were easy marks, but nobody was that easy. There was something familiar about the gem's design, like he'd seen it somewhere before.

"Where'd you even get this?" he asked incredulously. "Is there like a fucking diamond mine in the Netherlands that I never knew about?"

"New Zealand," Bret corrected him.

At the same time, Jemaine said, "It's not exactly a diamond."

"Yeah? Then where the hell's it from?"

The two musicians exchanged a glance.

"Well, see, we met this alien called Kyubey," Bret began stiltedly. "And I made a contract with him."

"He became a magical girl," Jemaine put in.

Bret turned to his bandmate with a pout, puffing his chest out defensively. "Magical man."

"Your uniform has a dress."

"It's a men's dress."

"I don't think there is such a thing."

"Sure there is. Anyway, I'm a man, so..."

While the two of them bickered, neither noticed the mirth draining from Dave's face to be replaced by dawning recognition and horror. Something clicked into place in his mind and he knew where he'd seen that egg-shaped gem design before.

Nobody in his family talked about it anymore. Shit, he was just a kid at the time, so it was pretty fuzzy in his own memory. Sometimes he wondered if he dreamed the whole thing up. But no, he knew it was real. It was that knowledge, that memory, that kept him believing to this day in all sorts of other crazy shit like ufos and the matrix.

Shanti Mohumbhai. An older cousin on his dad's side of the family, age twelve when it all went down. When they were visiting her family for the summer, she pulled little seven-year-old Dave into her bedroom and made sure the door was firmly shut behind them before kneeling down and pulling out a sparkling purple gem.

"Can you keep a secret, Devjeet?" she'd whispered, voice brimming with excitement that was already spilling over into the grin on her face. He'd bobbed his head, and she had thrown that gem in the air and transformed. A gorgeous purple and red sari with white highlights took the place of her casual clothes, and a magic staff embedded with that same purple gem appeared in her hands. In her hair was a red ribbon with white patterning.

It was a long time ago and little kids weren't the best at nitty-gritty details, so he didn't remember all the mumbo-jumbo about wishes and hope and despair she told him. He couldn't even remember what that monster they fought together was called. He just remembered Shanti leaping in the air, way higher than any normal person could jump, and firing a beam of radiant light out of her staff right into its stupid ugly face. And he remembered cheering for her when it was done, and the giddy way she laughed and scooped him up in a celebratory hug and spun him around in her arms like he weighed nothing at all. He remembered saying he wished he could get cool clothes like that too, and he remembered her taking the ribbon out of her hair, still laughing, and tying it around his head in a lopsided bandana that was too big on him back then.

A couple months after Dave and his parents went back to America, Shanti went missing. Nobody ever told him about it directly, he just caught snippets of his parents talking to his aunt and uncle over the phone when they thought he was asleep. She was never found.

"Shit, dude, that's bad," he breathed hoarsely now. "You do not want to be a magical girl-- magical man, whatever," he went on before Bret could interject. "You don't wanna be a magical anything. I knew this chick who became a magical girl," he added, because making shit up like usual was easier than telling the truth. "And a monster bit her fucking head off and ate her. True story."

Jemaine gave Bret a pointed look. "Told you so."

"I'm not even gonna pay you for this," Dave went on, clutching the gleaming gem tight in his hand. He didn't catch the way Bret flinched when he squeezed it. "I'm doing you a favour by taking this, okay?"

Jemaine's brow furrowed. "Well, we'd still like to be paid."

"Right, right, yeah. Whatever."

Lost in his own thoughts and the memories racing through his head, Dave yanked open the register and rifled through it with one hand, and searched equally frantically through a junk drawer with the other. He came away with a hundred-dollar bill and a lighter, respectively. He slapped the former into Jemaine's hand, prompting a startled look, and held the latter up to Bret's soul gem.

It took a few clicks for it to turn on. When it did, Dave's sick satisfaction at seeing the flame lick at the sides of the gem (that's what you get for killing Shanti, you crystalline asshole) only lasted for about a second until he heard a sharp hiss of pain. When he looked, Bret's face was contorted in discomfort and he was whimpering, swatting at his arms like he was trying to put out a fire.

Dave froze, finger still pressed against the button on the lighter. A queasy feeling worked his way up his gut and toward his throat. "What the...?"

"Bret," Jemaine said, voice edged with concern and hands hovering awkwardly near his friend's shoulders like he wasn't sure if he could touch him or not. "What's going on?"

"It hurts," Bret managed to get out, and the look on his face backed him up. "It's-- ow, flip, I'm burning, Dave, stop-- stop the fire. Turn it off!"

Dave just stood there for a moment, dumbfounded, until Bret's shouting snapped him from his trance. He dropped the lighter and it fell behind the counter with a clatter. Then he stepped out from behind said counter, which Bret was leaning on to catch his breath, to see what had happened. It didn't look like Bret had gotten burned or anything, but geez...

He held out the gem, still warm from its proximity to the flame, and Bret grabbed it back like he was grabbing his own lifeline. It shrunk down into a ring on his finger. Dave was hit with a half-memory he'd forgotten of Shanti's doing the same after she showed it off to him.

"I told you I didn't want to sell it," Bret muttered with a glare at Jemaine, curling his other hand protectively around the one with the ring on it.

"I couldn't have known he was going to do that," Jemaine retorted. "I don't imagine Dave usually burns the things people sell him."

"Hey, you'd be surprised," Dave said with a shrug, though the casual demeanor he put on had never been more of an act. "Some of the shit you sell me is less than worthless."

It wasn't until after they left that Dave realized he'd let them keep the hundred bucks even though they hadn't actually sold him anything. Ah, what the hell. Let them have it. If this turned out anything like Shanti, Jemaine would probably end up needing the money to cover funeral expenses.

[Part 3]

#hey did you know that i write stuff sometimes?

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doublel27 · 2 years

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Content Creators: Someone has already done X! I can’t do X. Who will like it?

Me with every media I engage with: I don’t need a menu. I know what I want.

Media: The same thing you’ve been ordering every day for the last twenty years?

Me: How did you know?

#the world wants more cake #always #do i have certain things we know i'm going to like just from the cover #certainly #does it involve claudia black or gina torres #does it involve two queers who are both incredibly intellgent and monumentally stupid #write what you wanna write #the readers will come #gif what you wanna gif #the reblogs will come #we are all recycling the same nonsense over and over again #and if i can watch the same queer odd-couple love story every year for the last twenty years #well #we can all make what we want

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batboyblog · 2 years

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What's in a name: Captain Marvel Vs. Shazam

It's come to my attention I must once again teach you all the history of comics, Captain Marvel and Copyright so here we go

April 18th 1938 National comics (they officially changed their name to DC in 1977) published Action Comics #1

bring the world Superman and the dawn of the age of Superhero comics. needless to say superheroes and Superman in particular was as popular with children of the late 1930s and early 40s as marbles and chewing gum (it was a much more boring age)

enter Fawcett Comics a somewhat struggling publisher. Fawcett looked at Superman and said "we need us one of those!" so in 1940 Whiz Comics #2 they did just that:

we can see how the guys at National got a little annoyed. Today many many years into Superheroes being a thing no one would think to sue over a character so different from Superman. But in 1941 Superheroes as an idea were less than 5 years old and the beefy, black haired hero with a cape and chest symbol, and also super strength and flight seemed to the DC people to be just like they're Superman. Now of course the powers came from different places, Superman is an Alien, Captain Marvel got his powers from a wizard.

but most importantly while Superman out of tights was an adult, Clark Kent, with a job, reporter Daily Planet, Captain Marvel's secret identity was a kid, the 9 year old Billy Batson.

The comic reading public of the 1940s was almost exclusively 7 to 13 year old boys. So nationally making a hero who was also a boy in that age group made Captain Marvel insanely popular. In 1941 Captain Marvel overtook Superman as the most popular comic in the market.

So DC sued Fawcett for copyright. The suit was filed in 1941 but pre-trail nonsense dragged it out so the case didn't make it into court till 1948 (that'll be important later).

The Case had one of the most jaw dropping rulings in Copyright history and it still keeps me up at night. National Comics basically got Fawcett employees to testify that they'd been ordered to copy Superman and had lots of comic panels where Captain Marvel was doing basically the same thing as Superman had in issues that came out earlier. Fawcett's lawyers did what I think they thought was a Hail Mary, they claimed National had no copyright on Superman, and they won.

You see in 1939 National comics signed a deal with the New paper company, McClure, to publish a Superman comic strip in their news papers

The Court found that National had failed to put copyright notices on some of the strips. As such the court ruled that DC had abandoned the copyright to Superman and so had no right to sue anyone about it. The Court also found that Captain Marvel had been an illegal copy of Superman, but again National had no rights to Superman so it didn't matter.

Understandably DC basically shit their pants, they'd just lost the rights to their most important asset. They appealed in 1951 Judge Learned Hand (I only put his name because it's a great name for a judge) ruled that 1. DC did have rights to Superman, but the comic strips were in public domain. 2. Captain Marvel himself was not an illegal copy of Superman but some stories were clear copies of Superman stories and were infringement.

The fact that the law suit had stretched out to 1948-51 is a key part of the story. After WWII the superhero comic market crashed. Comic book stores didn't exist at the time, comics were sold at news paper stands and corner stores. There was no where to get a back issue. Kids who were 12 or 13 in 1938 got drafted off to war in 1943-44. As part of the war effort there was a massive drive to recycle everything including paper. Moms across America were more than happy to recycle "trashy" comic collections.

the crash was so bad effectively every superhero comic publishing company went broke, the field went from about a dozen companies to just one, DC. Only Superman and Batman proved popular enough to stay in the popular imagination, you didn't need a back issue because every then, like today knew the backstory of Superman and Batman.

Fawcett Comics was not so lucky, while Captain Marvel had been a great hit none of their other comics had done as well. By 1951 they were broke and couldn't fight National in court any more, they paid National $400,000 and agreed to never publish another Captain Marvel comic again. And with that Fawcett Comics effectively ended.

You may have noticed I said only DC made it through the post war Superhero Comic crash. That's mostly correct, in the 1940s a young Stan Lee worked for an outfit called "Timely Comics" which brought you Captain America, the original Human Torch, and Namor. Timely went bust in 1951, they limped on as Atlas Comics till 1956 when outside legal problems forced them to turn to DC for distribution and finally dying in 1957.

The original crew from Timely would reunite in 1961 to start Marvel and kick start the Sliver Age of comics.

All of this is relevant to Captain Marvel because in 1967 Marvel comics came up with it's own Captain Marvel. Now comes an important legal distinction, the difference between Copyright and Trademark. A Copyright is on a whole idea, So I can't take Superman the character and put him in a book, however, in theory I could nickname a character "superman" because he's really good at... baseball, or name a character "Clark Kent" the middle school science teacher. This is where Trademark comes in, trademark holds that certain words or images (such as a Superman S) can not be used to market things. So for example the words "Captain Marvel" are trademarked so can't be used to sell something.

The cover of a comic is marketing, it's trying to sell the comic to you, so a trademark means only Marvel Comics can put the words "Captain Marvel" on the cover of a comic (or movie, or say it in a trailer for a movie, etc) Marvel's Captain Marvels were never very popular but they kept them going because....

In 1972 DC bought the rights to Fawcett Comics' Captain Marvel. However they found they couldn't use his name on his comics. DC at different times tried to get Marvel to give up the trademark but they never did so DC did it's best to work around, generally bring out books with the "SHAZAM" title

I wish I could find it there's a comic I remember very clearly where they had him on the cover and it was like "guest starring you know who" and he was going "shhhh don't say the name"

any ways this was basically the status quote till 2012 when Marvel shifted it's popular Ms. Marvel character over to take over Captain Marvel's title and they finally had a popular Captain Marvel for the first time in 40 years. With that and the DC universe getting rebooted in 2011 for the New52 DC finally decided to cut losses and give up on calling the Big Red Cheese "Captain Marvel"

he's somewhat awkwardly just used "Shazam" for a name ever since though fans largely ignored it till the 2019 movie when new fans who only knew him as Shazam started to out number older fans, particularly after Marvel's Captain Marvel movie in 2019 clearly pushed her into the lead on "who's Captain Marvel" in the public imagination.

#Captain Marvel #billy batson #Superman #copyright #Shazam #Trademark

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maulusque · 3 years

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i have some QUESTIONS about Echo’s prosthetics

fair warning i’m going to talk about the uhhh intimate details

ok first of all, the legs:

from this screenshot, it looks like he’s had everything from the hips down replaced. Looks like he only kept a little more torso than Maul did.

in WHICH CASE

how does he poop? Where is Echo’s colostomy bag? Or did they install synthetic intestines somehow? Does that mean Echo also has a synthetic asshole? A synthetic sphincter? Prosthetic ass cheeks? What kinds of materials would you even make a synthetic butthole out of? Does wiping still work the same? Or are the synthetic organs like, way more efficient and you just have to open a little door in your prosthetic ass and remove a condensed poop cube like once a week

Does Echo have a robo-dick? If so, where is it??? If not, how did they route the urethra? Did they hook the bladder up to the the hyper-efficient robo-digestive system, and the cyberintestines just like, recycle the water back into the body and condense the rest of the urine contents into the hypothetical poop cube? Meaning Echo doesn’t have to pee ever again. And technically the Poop Cube Door would be a cybernetic cloaca.

i found this ref art and it DOES NOT HELP EXPLAIN THE DICK ISSUE

The material on his thighs kinda looks like pants, but given that it goes under the clearly metal parts, and permanent pants seems like a stupid idea, I’m guessing it’s part of the prosthetics. Meaning that Echo spends the entirety of that episode stark naked. No one even loans him a shirt. Please give him a blanket at least he looks so cold. And if there IS a robo-dick, this means it is retractable.

Fuck, dude. Imagine having to do regular machine maintenance on your robo-dick and prosthetic asshole.

Also look at that shit on his left arm. Those little cables and such. Those would be SO EASY to get snagged on something, and if they’re remotely important it would be a BITCH AND A HALF. Maybe the techno union re-routed the important arm arteries because the original ones were damaged, and just didn’t bother to put them inside the body because they were keeping him in cold storage anyway, not like he needed to run around and risk getting them caught or something.

Also why did they bother giving him legs? It’s not like they were letting him use them at all?? Why bother?

Also. The KNEES. Completely exposed joint. Here’s a closeup:

Look at all those gaps. And edges. And corners. Those joints would royally suck if you get any dirt, sand, fabric, or literally anything at all anywhere near them. Echo’s not wearing pants here, so it’s not a problem, but

He CLEARLY is wearing pants here. And somehow he’s not getting them all snagged up on his knee joints? How did he even get them on over those monstrosities? Did someone have to sew him into his pants? God.

Also, look at this nonsense:

He has no calf?? Nothing replacing the very important calf muscle??? How the fuck does he WALK???

and briefly back to the arm: there’s no reason to limit the prosthetic joints to normal human ranges of motion. Wouldn’t it be freaky as hell if Echo could just. Rotate his elbow joint all the way around. Just bend his elbow 100% backwards. I feel like Hunter would punch him on the spot if he did that in front of him.

And finally: Echo’s cyber earmuffs.

sorry for the shit quality screenshot but WHY ARE THEY SO BIG

Those are much bulkier than the earmuffs he had when Rex rescued him.

Smaller! More compact! And they don’t wrap around the back. Echo has a different neck-head plate thingy back there. But the earmuffs are just little discs right over his ears.

And the new ones???

SO MUCH BULKIER. AND THEY WRAP ALL THE WAY AROUND THE BACK. WHY.

This would be SOOO UNCOMFORTABLE to sleep with. Can’t lie on your sides, and now he can’t even rest his head on the back because the dumb new cyber-earmuffs wrap all the way around. Is there still skin under the earmuffs in the back? If so, how the fuck does Echo clean it? He has do otherwise he’d start growing mold and fungus back there the moment he starts sweating.

Also. Does Echo have ears anymore??? How does he hear things? If those are supposed to be cybernetic ears, why don’t they have, you know, an ear shape, so they channel sound into the ear canal?

ok and one last thing: Echo’s new helmet.

Is it just me, or does this helmet look like it absolutely would not fit over the cybernetic earmuffs? Those things stick out a good two inches from the sides of his head. This helmet does NOT look like it has 4 extra inches of width in it. Do we have a scene where Echo puts on/takes off his helmet????

Anyway i’m somewhat intrigued by the concept of a hyper-efficient cybernetic digestive system/cloaca. Though I’d imagine that everyone would be wanting one because how convenient would it be to never have to use the bathroom again???

#meta #arc trooper echo

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zenonaa · 3 years

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'Like the rest of the group, he also wondered what could have driven out such a grin from him, out in the open like that. Worse, it could have not been a ‘what’, but a ‘who’. He had prided himself on never letting anyone slip under his skin, never letting anyone become close to him. Learning to rely on others, and let others rely on him, was one thing. This felt more personal, like a kick to the stomach.'

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc, Dangan Ronpa 3: The End of 希望ヶ峰学園 | The End of Kibougamine Gakuen | End of Hope's Peak High School Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Fukawa Touko/Togami Byakuya Characters: Fukawa Touko, Togami Byakuya, Naegi Makoto, Naegi Komaru, Kirigiri Kyouko, Asahina Aoi, Hagakure Yasuhiro Additional Tags: TogaFuka Week 2021 Summary: Togami and the others stumble across a photograph of him smiling, but he can't remember the context so the others try to figure out what happened for him to do that.

Comments: owo what's this? togafuka week day 1: happiness! i haven't actually written something for all the days but this is one of the things that i did manage to squeeze out.

💗 Please like, share and comment if you enjoyed it! 💗

***

Cleaning up Hope’s Peak wasn’t an afternoon affair. Beyond the old school building that Byakuya knew too intimately, debris clogged hallways, trash lay scattered throughout the campus like weeds and the air smelled of rust and blood. The group of seven started with the art building on the east side of campus. For the first few hours, Yasuhiro hummed as he hauled cardboard boxes, Komaru still had the patience to prepare and bring lemonade, and Aoi’s sunshine voice beamed between walls as she shared a story about the time her family held a second-hand sale in their backyard.

By the end of the day, however, their lively chatter had dimmed with the sky. Inside remained as bright thanks to Byakuya and Yasuhiro reconnecting the electricity, but darkening windows reminded them of the aches in their limbs, the ebbing flames behind their eyes. Byakuya swept his gaze across what used to be a theatre but was currently a sorting room filled with boxes instead of chairs. Makoto, Touko, Komaru and Yasuhiro were sitting together on boxes, while Kyouko and Aoi had just walked in with a dirty wheelbarrow.

“We should adjourn until the morning,” Byakuya announced. He reached a hand toward his glasses, intending to push them up, but stopped himself when he remembered the grime clinging to his palms. Not wanting to dirty his glasses, he lowered his hand.

The Byakuya of the past would have deemed this sort of manual labour beneath him, yet he had willingly spent most of that day working alongside his companions. His friends. How things changed.

“There is so much stuff,” said Aoi, who by now had parked the wheelbarrow and was slouched against it. She wiped her vest against her forehead.

“And not a lot of it is useful,” added Kyouko, next to Aoi. Yasuhiro straightened up.

“Nonsense. All we need to do is spruce them up, and they’ll be ready to go on sale.” He walked over to a broken lamp, its shade bitten and discoloured, as dirty as the floor it lay on. “Like this lamp. Fix this up, and it’ll be as good as new. Then all we need is a good pitch and b’am,” he punched his palm, “sold.”

“You can’t do that with everything here,” said Komaru. He put his hands onto his hips.

“Not with that attitude! But with the right mindset, you could sell anything here, guaranteed.”

Yasuhiro rubbed his finger against his nose, grinning like a fool. Some things changed, but others stayed remarkably the same. Byakuya’s gaze drifted over to Touko, who was scowling at Yasuhiro. Touko was both different and the same. Different, because she stood firm where she used to cower, and she let others into her world where she used to cloak herself in darkness.

And same because while like Byakuya, she had learned to allow herself to rely on friends and for friends to rely on her, she was still head over heels in love with him.

She pointed at a black bag containing hunks of metal. “What sales pitch do you have for this?”

“Easy! All you have to do is make the contents into sculptures,” replied Yasuhiro. “Their only purpose is to be admired, ‘right? Add a backstory to go with them and boom, sold. You can do that to practically anything even if it’s trash.”

“No way,” said Aoi.

“Want to bet?”

The group roused to accept his challenge. Makoto found a used wipe container, and Yasuhiro clicked his fingers and said to fill it with plastic bags, turning it into a dispenser that was portable and could fit easily into a car drawer. Aoi presented him with pizza boxes, at which Yasuhiro laughed and demanded more so they could be decked in wrapping paper and transformed into a drawer unit. When Komaru found a metal pipe, Yasuhiro claimed it needed a clean and spray paint and it could sit contentedly on a shelf.

Yasuhiro even sucked Byakuya and Touko into the game. The cork in Byakuya’s hand changed into a keychain, and Yasuhiro’s voice fashioned an old juice carton into a recyclable purse ideal for coins and trips to the arcade. Each item that the others found, Yasuhiro repurposed it into something else.

“There has to be something you can’t reuse,” Komaru insisted. She peeled the lid open on a cardboard box and lifted out a hardback red book from inside it. “What about these photos? Who’d want to have pictures of strangers?”

“Photos?” said Kyouko, intrigued.

“Yeah, there are a whole load of albums in here. I went through a few earlier but didn’t recognise anyone, so I forgot about them.”

Touko rolled her eyes. “Typical...”

Kyouko and Aoi each took out an album. The box seemed to contain several of them, their covers glazed in dust and cobwebs.

“Gekkogahara-san is in this one,” said Kyouko within a few seconds of skimming.

By now, the rest of the group had gravitated over. Inside the album that Kyouko was holding, the photographs were contained in plastic flaps that overlapped so only the one on top could be seen unless it was flicked up, revealing the photograph beneath. In the photograph currently on display, Miaya Gekkogahara was sitting next to a pale guy with dark hair and dark shadows under his eyes, who Byakuya recognised as Yasuke Matsuda. They appeared to be seated at a computer desk, their heads turned toward the photographer.

“It’s really her,” murmured Makoto. “And not a robot masquerading as her.”

“Do you think these are all photos of her class?” asked Yasuhiro as he and the others picked up their own photo albums to browse.

“If that’s true, then everyone in these are deceased,” said Touko.

Aoi winced. “When you phrase it like that, this feels kind of morbid.”

Makoto flipped through a few flaps in the album in his hands. Then his creased forehead exploded as his eyebrows shot up. “This album contains our class!”

Everyone crowded around him. The photograph showed a pink room with a television screen hanging on the wall. Blurred writing glowed on it that Byakuya struggled to decipher. In front of it, Couch seats were positioned around three sides of a table, and on the seats sat members of their class. The only classmate not in the photograph was Sakura.

“Sakura-chan must have been taking the photograph,” said Aoi. “No way would our class exclude her.”

Holding the album in one hand, Makoto scratched his head with his other.

“I vaguely recall this,” he said. “Kuwata-kun... yes, I think it was him... booked a karaoke room, and the whole class packed in. All of us sang at least once.”

While Future Foundation had aided them in recovering from the memory loss inflicted by Junko, some memories were stronger than others. For Byakuya, he could recall plenty of events, but none came with any emotion attached. It was as though he was reading about them in a newspaper afterwards.

“Byakuya-sama graced us with his voice,” Touko piped up. The ends of her lips curled upward as she squeezed her hands together. “I r-remember... he made the air taste like chocolate syrup... his words spread a chill across my skin... ah...”

Byakuya remembered performing a single song, but he hated singing, and he couldn’t remember what compelled him to accept a microphone.

“Enoshima tried to steal such a precious memory from us.” Aoi rubbed the heel of her hand against her eye. “Sakura-chan sang a beautiful song about friendship. Her voice washed over the room like the ocean.”

Kyouko placed a hand onto Aoi’s shoulder. Komaru flicked through the other photographs in the album. Byakuya didn’t pay Komaru any more mind, frowning at Touko as she seemed to relive the experience of him singing. Her recollection appeared much more intimate than his own. Part of him wanted to ask her for more details. Another part was repulsed.

Komaru gasped.

“What is it?” asked Makoto as they all focused on the album again. The photograph that had captured her attention depicted Byakuya. Nothing extraordinary appeared to be in the photograph - he was sitting on a bench at an angle, not facing the camera.

Yet the others stared with their mouths agape.

“I have never seen Togami-chi smile like that,” said Yasuhiro.

Byakuya inspected the photograph closer. Though it had been taken at a distance - probably so he wouldn’t realise someone was taking a photograph of him - there was a definite smile gracing his lips. It wasn’t a smirk, or a cruel grin, or the faint curve he sometimes showed around his friends, but a smile showing teeth, one that didn’t just meet his eyes, but made his gaze, no, his face glow.

What he was looking at, however, was unclear. It was now that Byakuya realised the photograph had been torn, and the section that held the object of his attention wasn’t in the album.

“It must have been something amazing to have made him smile back then,” said Yasuhiro.

They all turned to Byakuya, who pursed his lips.

“Putting aside whether I would tell you if I knew, I don’t actually recall when this took place,” he said.

“Maybe we could help jog your memory?” Aoi suggested. “When I want to remember something, I write it on my palm three times.”

“That won’t help,” said Touko. “You can only do that while you still remember the thing.” Her teeth gritted. “Argh... if only I knew what could have elicited such a pure smile from Byakuya-sama...!”

She dragged her fingers down her face.

“It’s not a big deal,” said Byakuya. While the others burned with curiosity, discomfort stewed in his gut like when he had watched Touko reminisce about the karaoke session.

Like the rest of the group, he also wondered what could have driven out such a grin from him, out in the open like that. Worse, it could have not been a ‘what’, but a ‘who’. He had prided himself on never letting anyone slip under his skin, never letting anyone become close to him. Learning to rely on others, and let others rely on him, was one thing. This felt more personal, like a kick to the stomach.

“There has to be some way to reawaken the memory,” said Komaru, her tone light without the burden of his thoughts. She turned to Kyouko. “You must know a way.”

“Must I?” Kyouko’s eyebrows rose.

“Because you’re from a detective family,” said Aoi, nodding.

“Actually...” Komaru’s smile cringed on her face. “I um... just assume Kyouko-chan knows everything.”

“There are a few techniques we can try,” said Kyouko, faintly amused. “Perhaps if we pinpoint when and where exactly the photograph took place, that may stir something in Togami-kun’s brain.”

Other than Byakuya, no one else was in the frame. A briefcase leaned against a bench leg and a pile of papers rested on his lap. Annoyingly, he couldn’t see any writing that may have been on the papers. In the photograph, he wasn’t looking at them. He was focused on the nothingness where the other half of the photograph should have been.

“That has to be the main plaza,” said Aoi. “I recognise the benches. Sakura-chan and I finished our morning runs there. Then we would sit down and drink some water. We never saw Togami there though.”

“Yeah. That looks like the fountain at the back,” added Makoto.

Kyouko stroked her chin. “The sliver of sky in the background appears rather pale, and judging by the colour of the leaves, it’s approximately autumn.”

“Togami-chi never missed a lesson, so it had to be late-afternoon at the latest, ‘right?” said Yasuhiro.

“Unless it was the weekend,” Makoto pointed out, prompting Yasuhiro to exhale frustratedly through his teeth. The thoughtful expression on Kyouko’s face, however, didn’t waver.

“We can deduce whether he had lessons on that day,” said Kyouko.

“How?” asked Aoi.

Byakuya already knew. “I’m not in uniform.”

“Indeed,” said Kyouko with a bob of her head. “So unless you changed into another outfit after your lessons, this scene transpired at the weekend.”

“Does that ring any bells for you?” Komaru asked Byakuya, clasping her hands together, eyes wide with optimism. “Visiting the plaza on the weekend, and catching sight of something that brings joy to your face...?”

His jaw clenched. All of them were staring at him. They had a campus as large as four high schools to clear and they had only made a dent so far, but the arduous task appeared to have been pushed aside in favour of probing his brain for some memory. Oh, how they tried his patience at times.

“I can’t say it brings anything to mind, though it is unusual for me to be there,” he said in a level tone. “Usually, during the weekend, I would be indoors, either in my room or in the library.”

Certainly not at the plaza. Certainly not with a brazen smile chipped into his face.

“I think we’ve followed the photograph’s lead as far as it can go,” said Yasuhiro. “Now we must turn to guesswork. If we bounce ideas off each other, that might help Togami-chi remember. Perhaps you had come from a meeting, where you struck a billion dollar deal?”

“Or you emerged from the cafeteria after they served some tasty donuts?” Aoi chimed in.

Byakuya’s frown sank in deeper.

“Or you finished a really good manga?” said Komaru.

“Or listened to a good song?” added Makoto.

Yasuhiro clicked his fingers. “I once read that listening to music is a good way to stir up memories. If we find a piece with the right mood, Togami-chi ought to remember the scene!”

“What sort of mood do you guys reckon we should play?” asked Komaru as she shoved her hand into her coat.

“Something cheerful,” said Aoi.

Komaru retrieved her phone from her pocket and tapped on her screen. A few seconds later, a series of beeps sang out of her phone, playing over the sound of clapping and a fast drumbeat. She side-stepped back and forth to the rhythm, and Byakuya lasted until the first few lines of Swedish auto tuned singing.

“Turn that off,” snapped Byakuya. “It’s not helping me think. It’s giving me a headache instead.”

With a pout, Komaru switched it off.

“Perhaps we should visit the location,” said Kyouko.

Touko’s brow creased. “Won’t it be dark?”

“Don’t worry, Touko-chan, our phones can provide you with light,” Komaru assured her, patting Touko on the shoulder.

They set off, departing from the old theatre and winding through corridors toward the plaza. Byakuya stayed silent, lagging behind most of the others slightly. Only Touko seemed to take note of this, and though she didn’t speak to him, she hovered further back than him, and he could feel her eyes on the back of his neck like flies crawling against his skin.

As they drew closer, he concluded that they wished so desperately to discover the source of his smile because they planned to use it against him. Perhaps they intended to humiliate him, or blackmail or manipulate him. But they were his friends, weren’t they? Surely they didn’t plan on using what they learned against him?

Yet... if that wasn’t the case, then why?

The plaza was no longer the picturesque location it once was. It couldn’t have been in a brochure promoting the academy, like the photograph in the album. Weeds grew between upturned slabs, gnarled fingers reaching toward the sky. Nearby, the rubble corpse of the fountain didn’t spout water, dry as sun bleached bone. They all stood silently for a while, observing their surroundings. There were no benches to sit on.

“It sure has changed a lot,” said Yasuhiro.

“It’ll do. Hagakure, bend over on all fours.” Aoi pointed at her feet. “You will play the part of the bench.”

Yasuhiro balked. “Why me? You’re stronger.”

Her stare didn’t relent. He managed a few more seconds before he dropped to his knees and planted his hands in front of himself. Once he was in position, Aoi turned to Byakuya expectantly.

“I am not sitting on him,” said Byakuya flatly.

“Please, Togami-san!” Komaru pleaded, shaking her phone in both hands. Light from the screen danced across her face and when her hands stilled, so did the glow. It seeped into her skin, accentuating the crinkle between her eyebrows and the stare from her eyes that pulled, pulled, pulled at Byakuya until he snapped.

“Why are you all making a big deal of this?” Byakuya asked not only Komaru, but all of them. He flung up a hand. “There is a photograph of me smiling. That’s it. It concerns me that you’re so obsessed with finding out what caused me to smile.”

His question clenched them in its jaws, burning the air with acid. He waited for one of them to answer. For Touko to do more than fidget, and Komaru to stop chewing her lip. Finally, the pressure squeezed out a response from Makoto.

“You’re our friend,” said Makoto. “You’re usually so serious, and you rarely ever seem happy. We thought if we could find out what made you that happy back then...”

“... we could bring that happiness back to you now,” finished Touko, curling her fingers into her palms. Byakuya tensed.

That explanation had never occurred to him. For most of his life, he had been forced to be on the defensive, to anticipate betrayals and attacks from anyone. Then again, for most of his life, he hadn’t been acquainted with people like this. Friends. He grimaced, staring at Touko for several long seconds before averting his gaze and pushing up his glasses.

“Nuisances...” But he seated himself on Yasuhiro’s back, setting his feet firmly on the ground.

Byakuya tried to imagine the sky was a pool of water, not ink, and that he was on a bench, and that water streamed from a fountain behind him. However, the air remained as dry and dark as his mouth, and no matter how often his mind mended the slabs of the plaza, they would crack and decay within moments.

“Anything?” said Touko, wringing her hands.

He folded his arms over his chest.

“No,” said Byakuya. A collective sigh spread, though Makoto was soon grinning again.

“I guess we’ll have to keep trying to make you happy.”

Byakuya clicked his tongue, but his lips twitched outward and he quickly hid it behind his hand. Nuisances.

“Does this mean you can stand up now?” Yasuhiro asked from beneath Byakuya.

Aoi stretched her arms upward, arching her back, and yawned. “We ought to call it a day. It’s getting late.”

While the others headed toward the dormitory building that they were currently living in. Byakuya stayed where he was. Their footsteps faded, the glow of their phones shrinking into five pinpricks of light before disappearing completely. Despite his friends’ efforts, they had failed to uncover the story of the photograph. Now that he knew their motives hadn’t been nefarious, he could appreciate their attempts and found himself wondering what had happened all those years ago.

“It’s a shame we don’t know what made you so happy back then,” said Touko next to him, echoing his thoughts. She hadn’t retired for the night with the others. He glanced at her, meeting her gaze. Her phone shone a light against her wistful expression.

“I suppose so,” he said in a casual tone.

“With many of my memories, I don’t recall exact details, but they evoke certain feelings.”

His eyebrows rose a fraction in interest. “Oh?”

“Yes. For example, standing here... is stirring some emotion in me. I think I have a memory associated with this place too.”

Byakuya turned his whole body to face her.

“What emotion?” he asked.

She didn’t answer right away, as if letting the thought sit on her tongue, tasting it.

“Warmth,” she said. “Like the warmth I feel when I’m with you. Perhaps I will never remember what happened to give me that feeling. B-But... I have many other precious memories... and I can work on creating more with you, Byakuya-sama.”

Her lips twisted into a smile. Meanwhile, his insides twisted, much like they did whenever she referred to him in a romantic manner. He had been experiencing the sensation more frequently around her lately. Sometimes, all she had to do was meet his gaze or brush against him, and his stomach would coil like she had pressed her lips against his.

“Byakuya-sama?” Touko’s voice broke into his thoughts. “A-Are you feeling all right?”

He did not want to think what about his face had made her ask that all of a sudden.

“I’m fine,” he said, and he adjusted his glasses. “We’ve dawdled here for long enough. Let’s return to the dormitories.”

“Together?” blurted Touko. Without a word, Byakuya strode away, and she darted after him, keeping abreast. “Are you going straight to sleep when you arrive back?”

His eyes stayed forward.

“No. I will have some tea and read first,” he replied.

“What do you plan on reading?”

“Out by Natsuo Kirino,” he said. Her head jerked back.

“I r-recently finished that!”

“I know. After seeing you reading it, I thought I would give it a try. I was more interested when I learned that it’s not a romance, but a crime novel.”

“I specialise in romance, but I read for a variety of genres,” she said. “I can recommend some more books i-if you want. Have you read The Inugami Clan? You may find the start slow, but I think you will enjoy the cast and the premise...”

He listened as they walked back together. The more she spoke, the more passionate she became, and he couldn’t help looking at her as she lit up, waving her arms around.

A smile poked at the corners of his lips, and he finally felt a sense of déjà vu.

#togafuka #togafukaweek #touko fukawa #byakuya togami #junko enoshima #dr3 #komaru naegi #makoto naegi #kyouko kirigiri #yasuhiro hagakure #aoi asahina #fanfiction #one shot

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chicgeekgirl89 · 3 years

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A Tale of a Fateful Trip

Fandom: NCIS LA

Characters: Sam Hanna, G Callen, Kensi Blye, Marty Deeks, Nell Jones, Eric Beale, Otis the Sea Lion

Summary: The mate was a mighty sailing man, the skipper brave and sure. Four passengers set sail that day, for a three hour tour. The team sets out for an afternoon of fun on Sam's boat and gets in a lot of trouble.

A/N: This just demanded, DEMANDED to be written. LOOK AT THOSE LYRICS! THE STORY WRITES ITSELF! Enjoy the nonsense!

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“Ahoy matey!” Eric called to Sam as they walked up the dock. “Shiver me timbers and blow me down!”

“How many nautical references is he going to make today?” Deeks asked Nell.

“As many as he possibly can,” Nell said. “I’m pretty sure he made a list.”

“You can’t tell me that Eric works for the Navy and doesn’t know the difference between a pirate ship and fishing boat,” Callen asked.

“Oh he knows,” Nell said. “He just doesn’t care.”

“Deeks did you put my sunglasses in here?” Kensi called from behind them, having stopped briefly to search through her bag.

“They’re in the side pocket,” Deeks said.

She dug around and pulled them out. “Oh thanks babe!”

“Wow, Sam, the boat looks great!” Nell said as they came aboard.

In honor of completing his final renovations on the vessel Sam had invited the team aboard for an afternoon of fishing. They’d all seen the “before” pictures and Sam had truly outdone himself; Michelle’s name gleamed in the sunlight, water lapping cheerily against the hull.

“Welcome aboard,” Sam said, clearly pleased at the attention his boat was getting.

“Looks like you’ve got everything here in ‘ship shape,’” Eric said, looking around to make sure everyone had heard him.

Deeks and Nell exchanged an amused look while Sam rolled his eyes. “Sam you’ve really done an amazing job,” Kensi said, setting her bag down on the deck. “I can’t believe you did all of this yourself.”

“More like he didn’t trust anybody else to do it,” Callen said knowingly.

“You want something done right, do it yourself,” Sam said.

“Is that a new addition to the SEAL Ethos?” Deeks asked with a smirk.

Sam glared at him while the others laughed. “So, are we casting off soon Skipper?” Eric asked.

Sam raised his eyebrows. “Skipper?”

“Skipper. You know.” Eric broke into song. “Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip.”

Deeks joined in. “That started from this tropic port aboard this tiny ship!”

“This boat is completely seaworthy,” Sam said calmly. “We’re not going to sink and land on some godforsaken island.”

“Although if we did, the Skipper here would know exactly how to survive,” Callen said, slapping him on the shoulder.

“All right,” Sam shook him off. “Enough jokes. Before we get underway we need to discuss safety regulations and procedures.”

“Sam we work for the Navy,” Kensi said with a snort. “I think most of us are clear on watercraft safety procedures.”

The amused looks all around suggested everyone else was thinking the same thing. He silenced them all with a patented Sam Hanna glare. “Life jackets are located in the wheelhouse. If there is a water emergency you should immediately don a flotation device.”

“I’m sorry, are you a boat captain or a flight attendant?” Deeks asked skeptically.

Another glare. “All garbage and recycling should be thrown in the proper receptacles located at the front and rear of the boat. There is no smoking—“

“No one here smokes,” Eric pointed out.

“No discharging of weapons on deck—“

“You would be the most likely to do that,” Nell said.

“No excessive inebriation—“

“And no fun!” Callen finished up for him. “Anchors away Skipper!”

Sam folded his arms across his chest. “You know if I’m the Skipper that makes you Gilligan.”

Callen thought for a moment and shrugged. “I can live with that.”

“Hey, Sam, before we cast off, do you have a fridge on this puppy for the beer?” Deeks held up the cooler he and Kensi had brought from the bar.

“That depends. Is it regular beer or some concoction the two of you made up full of snails and seaweed?” Sam asked.

Deeks looked at Callen. “Was that this batch?”

“No this one is blueberry and cayenne,” Callen said.

Nell eyed them both. “Sometimes I really wonder about you two.”

“Don’t we all,” Kensi said, nose wrinkling at the thought of trying yet another of her husband’s beer experiments.

“There’s one downstairs,” Sam said. “Get comfortable, we’re going out pretty far.”

They all waved goodbye to Otis and within thirty minutes the shoreline had disappeared. Sam took his time finding a good spot and dropped the anchor, coming out of the wheelhouse to get the fishing rods ready.

Deeks whistled the Gilligan’s Island theme song as he baited his hook. “Stop with that song,” Sam said.

“What, were you more of a Brady Bunch fan?” Deeks asked.

“I would bet Sam watched a lot of Bonanza,” Callen said.

“Really? I would have pegged him for a Dragnet guy,” Nell said from where she was laid out, sunning herself on the deck in a large hat and sunglasses.

“Would you all stop it?” Sam asked, setting down the bait bucket. “I didn’t watch any of those shows.” He cast his line. “I watched The Munsters.”

“That explains a lot,” Kensi muttered.

“What could that possibly explain?” Sam asked.

Eric inhaled deeply. “Gosh, just being out here, the salty air, the wind in the sails—“

“Not a sailboat,” Callen said with a shake of his head.

“—makes me feel like breaking out my tap shoes and doing a little number from ‘Anything Goes,” Eric said.

“You sure about that?” Deeks asked. “You’re looking a little pale there buddy.”

Indeed, Eric had lost what little color he had in his cheeks and upon close inspection seemed clammy. “No, nope, I’m great,” he insisted, gripping the rail a little tighter as the boat swayed on the waves.

“Babe you should put on some sunscreen,” Kensi said, pulling a tube out of her bag.

“Don’t need it!” Deeks said. “Too many hours surfing the waves. I’m like a golden god.”

Kensi sent him the bemused look that she saved especially for him. “Deeks put the sunscreen on.”

Everyone was distracted by a retching sound as Eric turned and began hurling his guts out over the side of the boat. “Whoa hey, not on the deck!” Sam said, jumping up and rushing over to make sure nothing marred the boat’s new paint job.

“Yikes, thar he blows,” Deeks said, giving Nell a low five of sea related humor as he walked by.

“I don’t understand,” Eric said, coming up for air, eyes wild. “I took a dramamine.”

“Yeah, well, sometimes that doesn’t help out in the deep water,” Sam said, patting his back.

“I think I packed some of those pressure point bracelet things,” Kensi said, digging in her bag once again.

“Who are you today, Mary Poppins?” Callen asked.

“It’s always good to be prepared,” Kensi said, pulling a bracelet out of an inner zippered pouch and handing it over to Sam who shoved it onto Eric’s wrist as he began to heave again.

“Ooh I think I got one!” Deeks said, his line pulling down hard toward the water.

Callen anchored his own line and came to help, both of them pulling and tugging. “Holy Blackbeard what is it a Great White?” Deeks grunted as it nearly jerked out of his hands.

“Just keep pulling!” Callen said.

Without warning the line snapped sending both of them tumbling onto the deck in a heap. Callen landed on top of Deeks’ chest, the wind knocked out of both of them. “Well this is awkward,” Deeks said when he could breathe again.

“Geez Callen, Kensi is right here,” Nell said.

“Yeah if you’re going to make a move you could at least do it somewhere private,” Kensi said, neither of them moving to help the guys up.

“Ha ha,” Callen said as he got to his feet and held out a hand to Deeks. “Sorry Deeks, looks like it’s the one that got away.”

“Like Carrie Jenkins,” Deeks said morosely, staring at the water.

“Who’s Carrie Jenkins?” Eric asked, popping his head up briefly.

“My third grade crush. She moved to Boise and I never heard from her again.”

“How tragic,” Kensi said with a roll of her eyes.

“Um, hey guys?” Nell said, coming out of her seat, eyes focused on the horizon. “Is it just me or is that boat getting really close, really fast?”

Everyone’s eyes followed hers to see a rather large boat approaching as a fast clip. “Could just be somebody out for a joyride,” Callen said as Sam procured a pair of binoculars.

“There’s been a pretty big increase in drug running up and down the coast in the last couple years,” Deeks said, coming to stand next to Sam.

“Can you see anything?” Kensi asked.

Sam shook his head. “Not yet. But they’re moving pretty fast.”

He handed the binoculars to Callen. “I’m going to go blast the horn.”

“They’re not slowing down,” Nell said as Sam hit the horn three times.

“No, they’re definitely not,” Callen said.

If anything they seemed to be speeding up. The realization hit all of them at the same time, but it was Callen who managed to get the words out. “They’re going to ram us! Everybody down!”

They all hit the deck and seconds later there was a bone shattering impact as the other boat clipped the bow. “Everybody all right?” Callen yelled, the waves rocking them so hard it seemed like they were in danger of capsizing.

“We’re good!” Deeks yelled back, an arm thrown over Kensi’s shoulders.

“Fine!” Nell yelled.

“I’m going to throw up again,” Eric moaned.

“Sam!” Callen started to scramble to his feet only to come back down again as the rapid staccato sound of gunfire burst through the air.

“What the hell is going on?!” Kensi cried.

“There are weapons in the hold,” Callen said. “Cabinet next to the fridge!”

“I’m on it!” Deeks called, crawling to the stairs.

Gunfire continued to rain down on them and then there were several short bursts and Sam reappeared from the wheelhouse, Glock in hand. “Can we assume the ‘no firing weapons on deck’ rule is out the window?” Callen yelled.

Sam spared half a second to glare at him before letting off another round. Deeks reappeared and tossed weapons out to the rest of the team.

It seemed their added firepower was enough to run off their attackers because as fast as it had started it was over. The boat turned in the water, churning up massive waves in its wake as it sped away.

Things seemed deafeningly silent in the moments that followed. “Everybody good?” Sam called.

“Good,” they all chimed in one at a time.

“We need to call it in,” Nell said, her voice less than steady.

“I’m on it,” Callen said.

“I have to check for damage to the engine and see if we’re taking on water,” Sam said. Even he seemed unusually shaken. It was one thing to be shot at in the line of duty, it was another to be taken completely by surprise on your day off.

“I’ll come with you,” Deeks offered.

“We’ll bag up the brass out here,” Nell said.

“There’s uh, there’s bags down in the kitchen,” Sam said. “Gloves in the drawer next to the stove.”

Eric made another gagging sound and Nell pulled a face, pushing him gently back to the railing. “Let’s try to barf away from the evidence, okay?”

#NCIS LA #Gilligan's Island #Sam Hanna #G Callen #Marty Deeks #Kensi Blye #Eric Beale #Nell Jones #Otis the Sea Lion #A Tale of a Fateful Trip #Team shenanigans #NCIS: LA #NCIS Los Angeles #Fanfic

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ofieugogyshz · 3 years

Text

Fic;; This Will Get Better, ch. 7 - Rotomdex

Chapter content warnings: none

Word count: 3500

Chapter Summary: Having cleared the first Trial with ease, Mustard gives the students of the Master Dojo and its guests a few hours before starting the next one. In that time, Sarah decides to update her Pokedex, and meets Hyde, the son of Honey and Mustard. When everyone comes back for lunch, Mustard announces what the next trial is!

(Fic Masterpost)

-------------------------

Mustard announced that there would be a short pause before the second trial. I decided to take the time to look into getting my Pokedex updated. I didn't need it to be upgraded to a full, complete transfer over to a new device-- in fact, I hated that idea. I wanted to update the information in mine with that of Galar's, so that I'd know about any other regional variant Pokemon, like those three Slowpoke from earlier. I was going to need at least that much while we stayed here and trained.

“Do you know if there's any way that I can update my Pokedex while I'm here?” I asked Miss Honey. “Those Slowpoke didn't respond to Pika's Thunderbolt like I expected, and if we're going to be here for a month, I'd like to be able to know more about the local Pokemon.” While I spoke, I dug my Pokedex out of my bag, one that dated over 20 years old. I saw the surprise on Honey's face and let out an annoyed sigh, expecting yet another comment about its age. “I know, I know, it's old, but I've been able to keep it upgraded; the insides are far more up to date and have more memory than the original model did. Honestly, this is just a shell, but it's the same shell that I've had since I started out as a trainer.”

“Why... That's amazing that you've managed to keep it functioning after all this time!” The unexpected praise caused my face to warm up. “I wouldn't know how to upgrade that myself, but if there's anyone on the Isle of Armor that could, it'd be my son Hyde!”

“Hyde?” I tried to think back on everyone that I had met so far. No one introduced themselves with that name, and no one had said anything about being Honey and Mustard's child, either. She must have caught my confused look and nodded, as though remembering something.

“Yes, of course. You haven't had a chance to meet him yet-- he doesn't like to come out of his room often, and prefers to play with his inventions instead. If you go over here...” Honey pointed me towards his room. “...you'll probably find him inside.”

I went down the path she pointed, until I found a nameplate that said “Hyde”. I knocked on the closed door; there was no immediate response. I thought about knocking again when the door opened, and I had to look down to see a small child, maybe around age 8 or 9, looking up at me with an almost condescending face.

“What do you want? I'm kind of busy right now, so make it quick.”

“Oh, um. Uh... I'm looking for Hyde. Do you know where I could find him?” As soon as I said it, I knew that I had asked a dumb question. I had expected someone much older, given Mustard's age. Was Honey just that good at hiding her age, or... I did not want to think about that.

The little boy let out an annoyed sigh.

“Yes, that's me. Geez, why are you even knocking around if you don't know who you're looking for.” He started to close the door, and before I could stop myself, I put my hand on it to keep it from closing.

“Wait! Sorry, I just... Didn't know that you were going to be.... Um....”

“A kid?” He rolled his eyes at me. “Did you need something from me or what?”

Rude little shit. He was quickly getting on my nerves. But if his mom thought he could help update my Pokedex...

“Yes, actually, I did need something from you.” I held out my Pokedex. Hyde's grip on the door loosened and he adjusted his glasses to look at the device in my hand.

“What is that?” he asked incredulously.

I let out an annoyed sigh.

“It's my Pokedex.”

“I've never seen a Pokedex like that.” He motioned if he could take it, and I handed it over. He looked it over, opening it to look at the screen that had been replaced more than three times over the years.

I was attached to the old model of Pokedex. I felt bad when I had to scrape the insides out in order for someone to build a new computer inside of it, when times changed and technology improved far more than it could keep up. When information began to take up too much space, I paid someone to change its storage capacity, along with everything else. I had invested so much into it. Time. Money. Emotions. Experiences. It was my pride and joy as a trainer, having that model; where others had upgraded as soon as they could, I still clung to it, glad to relive memories that were forever etched into the casing. It wasn't just about the data-- data could be saved, duplicated, and moved. It was about the attachment, the memories it held for me. And upgrading to a new shell meant that I wouldn't have that connection to those old days anymore.

“It's a little bit older than you,” I said after a few moments of letting him look.

“Looks older than my dad.”

I could hear a snort of laughter from behind me, and I turned around, seeing Lance standing there, trying not to laugh. I crossed my arms, frowning at him.

“I'm sorry; I came to look for you, and--” he began.

“You're in no position to talk, mister 'listens to music from the 1800s',” I scoffed.

“1900s. And that's not even that old!”

“It may as well be the 1800s, old as your soul is!”

“Can you two stop your married bickering?” Hyde interjected. The small child looked annoyed: he was tapping his foot, arms across his chest, waiting for his presence to be noticed again. “I want to get back to work on important stuff; I don't have time for your old people nonsense.”

I couldn't tell whether I should have laughed or been appalled at that comment, while Lance seemed amused.

“Is this... is this how you treat people who want to ask you for favors?”

“You came to me; I don't see why I have to help you.”

I puffed out my cheeks, trying to hold back any rude comments. Kid or not, I wasn't above telling them off. But he was the master's kid, and my husband was there now, too...

“What's going on?” Lance asked.

“I asked Honey if she knew where I could get my Pokedex updated, and she suggested that I ask her son.” I jerked my head in the direction of Hyde. “But I'm starting to think that this was a waste of my time.”

“Look, I don't know how to update something that old. But I can give you a Rotomdex for you to use. I feel a little bad giving it away since my mom got it for me to use next year, but I'm not interested in doing the Gym Challenge. You want it or not?”

“Not particularly.”

“A Rotomdex would make it a lot easier to get around here,” Hyde began saying, as he continued to look over my ancient device to understand it. “They have maps, camera function, voice-based communications, and they're controlled by a Rotom, who are able to talk by using the installed voice libraries. And it's lot quicker for me than trying to figure out how this thing works.”

I thought about it. A Rotomdex sounded interesting, for sure, but the thought of using it felt off. It would be too different from what I was used to. Like I'd have to give up using my old Pokedex because of the new one.

“You'd just need a Rotom to put into the device. Trust me, out here you'll want a Rotomdex for the map system. It'll help guide you around the Isle and provide you with information on the area. It's really easy to get lost here.”

“Yeah... I won't need that. I've never gotten lost. I have a pretty damn good internal GPS; I can intuitively find my way to the place I need to be.” It wasn't even some sort of sixth sense developed over years of travel; I had always known the quickest way out of a route, cave, or forest. Even a trip to the distortion world in my younger years was disorienting at best, but I hardly got lost while in it. Still was not on my list of favorite places to go.

“That doesn't happen around here. Lots of overconfident trainers think that they don't need to use a map, and then they wind up getting themselves lost, especially in the forest. We usually have to wind up sending out a search party, like we did with you when you got here.”

“Excuse you, we were not lost!” I crossed my arms and huffed. “We were misinformed on how to meetup.”

Hyde handed back my Pokedex. It seemed that he was done with me if I wasn't going to take the offer for a Rotomdex. There was a quiet pause as we waited for the other to speak.

“If you're done here...”

“Ugh, fine, I'll take the d—stupid Pokedex.”

“It's a Rotomdex,” he corrected. Hyde opened the door to his bedroom all the way and invited both my husband and I inside.

It looked more like a workshop than a bedroom. There were many computers, all sorts of machinery scattered about. Cables were bundled up together, but that didn't stop the few spare ones creating tangles across the floor. There were boxes around the room used to house different components he kept.

“Sorry about the mess. Mom's always telling me to clean up, but I don't see the point if I don't usually have people over.”

Hyde went over to a cabinet in the corner and began to rifle through its drawers, trying to find something.

“Right...” That felt familiar to me. I was the same way when I was a kid, though I certainly didn't have the vast array of mechanical and computational skill as he did. I looked around and noticed something that was near his computer; it looked like a machine that he was working on, blue in color, and shaped like some sort of bird that I wasn't familiar with.

“What're you working on over there?” I asked, both curious and trying to be friendly with the kid. He was giving me a free Pokedex, after all.

“Oh that? That's my Cram-o-Matic. It's the invention of the century! It's my very own brilliant take on recycling. But it doesn't do a thing right now, since it's out of power. If I just had enough Watts...” He paused. “Hey, actually--! I can give you this Rotomdex if you can do a favor for me!”

I knew there was gonna be a catch. I sighed.

“Sure kid. I can try; what do you want?”

“Watts. All it would take is a measly 500 Watts to get the Cram-o-matic up and running!”

“Watts?” I looked at Lance, and he shrugged. He didn't seem to know what it was either.

“The two of you don't know?! Watts are the energy that you can get from the Pokemon Dens in the Wild Areas. Your Dynamax bands can absorb it whenever you're near one, and then we can transfer that energy into the machine or a battery with a cable!”

I looked at Lance; he was the only one between the two of us that had a Dynamax band.

“We don't have any right now, but would it be possible to pay you back later?” he asked.

Hyde tapped his foot against the ground as he thought about it.

“What are your names again?”

“I'm Sarah, and this is my husband Lance.”

“You're the Champions that my parents invited over for training, right?”

“That's right.”

“You guys are probably more the outdoors type, huh? Well, I'll loan this Rotomdex to you for now, Sarah, so long as you guys promise to pay me when you get the watts. Then it's all yours.”

“Yeah, that doesn't sound like an issue for me. Though, it might be a little bit before we get any. That okay with you, Hyde?”

He began to dig into the drawer again, and finally pulled out a flat, red device, about as wide as the Switch I had packed in my bag. He waved it at me. “No problem. Well, let me know when you've got a Rotom to put into here, and I'll help set you up.”

“If you guys had a PC, I could get that done right now.”

The kid lit up, as though proud to lord this incoming fact over me.

“It just got delivered this morning, while you guys were out doing dad's first trial! I watched the guy set it up.”

Hyde showed me to where the dojo's PC was. I connected to my account and withdrew a Rotom-- one that I had caught back in Sinnoh many, many years ago. It zipped around excitedly when I let it out, like an old friend who hadn't seen me in a long time. I directed it into the Pokedex. The screen lit up a light blue, and two large blue eyes, much like a Rotom's, appeared on the screen.

“Hi? Hello? Hello! It is I, your trusty Rotom, Plasmastar! So good to see you again, Sarah!” The Rotomdex floated around; not nearly as fast as the zippy Ghost-type Pokemon typically was. But it seemed overjoyed nevertheless with its new home.

Hyde grabbed the Pokedex, causing the Rotom inside to give a startled cry. “If you don't mind, I'll help talk your Rotom through proper installation, so it's familiar with how to use all of its components. It'll take at least an hour though.”

“An hour?!” shouted my Rotom, and it tried to pull itself away from Hyde's grip. “I don't have time for that! Please, please, don't leave me with him!”

“Sorry Plasmastar. But please bear with it, so you can help us. I heard you'll be able to read the map really well and be super helpful to us, if you do!”

It stopped tugging. “Super helpful? Say no more, I am glad to be of service!” I'm not sure what it was trying to do at that moment, but there was a flash that went off, temporarily blinding Hyde.

“Oops! Sorry about that, small human! I'll listen, but you better make it quicker than an hour! I want to go explore with Sarah again!”

Lance and I went outside to look around the dojo. Pokemon played in the grass; the groups of Jigglypuff and Buneary from yesterday saw us and ran up, excited to see us again. I reached into my bag and let out the two that I had caught so they could see their friends.

“Ellie, Bunbun! C'mon out!”

The Jigglypuff and Buneary appeared. They looked around while their friends stood in awe for a moment, before clamoring all around them excitedly. Ellie puffed herself up with pride, and began to tell her audience about her battle. She mimed out what happened, eventually getting Bunbun to play the Mienfoo. Though Bunbun was reluctant, she eventually joined in. She got so into it that she was suddenly going off script, including a lowkick when Ellie was supposed to dodge another punch, causing Ellie to bounce into the ground. Angry, the Jigglypuff began to yell at the Buneary, while the other turned around and stuck up her nose. Their audience didn't know what to do at this point, so they wandered away, going back to playing in the grass.

As amusing as it was, it wouldn't do me any good if my two newest members were fighting amongst each other. I walked over and pushed them apart.

“C'mon guys. Bunbun, apologize to Ellie; and Ellie, calm down. You asked her to do something she didn't want to do anyways. This is a consequence of that.”

Ellie huffed and turned away, crossing her arms while Bunbun continued to do so. I sighed.

“Please? If the two of you make up, I'll give you each a treat.”

At the promise of a treat, the two of them looked at me, before turning around and looking at each other. Bunbun smiled and apologized, and Ellie smiled and puffed herself up, as though proclaiming that she was in the right anyways. Bunbun looked away, pretending not to be annoyed by the display. Both of them looked at me, holding out their hands expectantly.

“Hey-- wait, I never said I was going to give you a treat right away! They're back in the Dojo; you'll have to wait 'til later for one.”

Both of them gave me an angry look and turned away from me, arms crossed. Well, at least they were in unison on that.

“Eheh.... Alright, how about the two of you c'mon back.” I held up my Pokeballs and they both went back inside.

“Trouble with your new friends?” Lance asked. He had let Zweilous out while Ellie and Bunbun entertained their audience, and the two-headed dragon was biting onto sleeve of his uniform.

“Nothing that I'm not used to.” I motioned to Zweilous. “On the other hand, I think I should be asking you that, except I know that's just how Zwei is. Did he break through the fabric already?”

Lance laughed and pet both of their heads in sequence, causing each one to finally let go of the loose fabric. He brought up his arm, looking at the sleeve. “No, not yet. He's just hungry. We should go back inside and get something to eat for lunch.”

Everyone had gathered in the dining room once more, with plates and bowls left out in the Dojo's main hall for our Pokemon. Zweilous ran over to the nearest bowl, both of his heads fighting over bites. Pika ran up to the bowl next to him. We let out the rest of our Pokemon, leaving them to eat while we headed towards a spot at the table where we could sit next to each other.

“Thank you, Ms. Honey!” everyone said before digging in. Chatter filled the dining room between bites, and everyone felt so warm and welcoming. No one seemed to begrudge us for having defeated all three Slowpokes, including those who never even got to catch up to one. In fact, many were excitedly speculating about what the next trial might be. I looked around the table, wondering if Hyde had joined everyone, or if he had missed the call to lunch. I couldn't see him. The din of the dining room began to lower as everyone filled up on the food made by Ms. Honey and the students who helped with meal prep. The final peals of laughter and conversation were silenced when Mustard stood up and addressed everyone.

“A-hem. I'd like to congratulate everyone who did their best this morning with the first trial. To those of you that weren't able to pass—may you have better luck next time. Take this time to train up! For those of you moving on to the second trial, I will take the time to explain what your next trial is. Now that you're all energized from lunch--” Mustard paused mid-thought, as though something came to mind.

“I think our second trial should be something to welcome them with. You know what would sound good for dinner tonight? The Master Dojo's secret recipe: Max Soup! Since we have two special guests, I'd love for them to have a bowl of Max Soup full of Max Mushrooms for tonight. And that's why your second trial shall be mushroom picking!” A collective, confused reaction, interspersed with some groans, went out among the students. I blinked, confused myself. How was gathering dinner ingredients supposed to be a trial? If anything, it sounded much easier than the first. Someone whispered to another student that they were glad they hadn't passed.

“Students!” The dining room quieted once more at Mustard's raised voice. “That's better. In case you forgot, or you aren't aware, Max Mushrooms are the key to Gigantamaxing, and I'm tasking all of you with finding three!”

Honey stood next to Mustard, explaining what we were looking for. “Max Mushrooms are red with a spiral pattern. You can usually find them in dark, humid places, such as the forest or Warm-Up Tunnel.”

Mustard, “And with that, your next trial begins! I'm countin' on ya!”

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gch1995 · 3 years

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A part of me feels like doing a rewatch of OUAT S1-3A on Disney+ and/or Hulu, but the other part of me is shying away from that idea because I feel like I'm probably going to end up crying my eyes out of heartbreak over the sheer feelings of bitterness and betrayal towards A&E and the writers of this show for making the dumb choice to kill off Neal in 3B, and then systematically destroying and retconning Rumple, Belle, Rumbelle, Snow, David, Snowing, Emma, and even Henry from the end of 3B-S7 because Kitsowitz and these writers clearly ran out of story to tell after the Neverland arc, and because these writers got a boner for Captain Hook/CS.

It's just that I really loved the Rumple, Belle, Rumbelle, Snow, David, Snowing, Emma, and Henry of S1-3A. Yes, they were flawed, but not in ways that ever felt cheaply shocking, cartoonish, ooc, one-dimensional, and/or stupid.

I related to their insecurities of not feeling worthy of love. I related to their tendencies to push people away because they didn't want to get hurt, and/or they didn't want their loved ones to get hurt because of them. I related to their introversion. I related to their desires to be better people. I related to their internal moral struggles with fighting the temptation to take the easy way out by being selfish to protect themselves, protect their loved ones, and/or find their loved ones, even if it meant that others might/would get hurt in the process, which we got to see play out on screen. I related to their awkward and witty senses of humor. I admired their bravery, their curiosity, their intelligence, their great capacities for love and selflessness, and while I didn't approve of their bad choices and/or crimes, it usually made consistent, relatable, and sympathetic sense as to why they were driven to make them out of desperation, fear, a desire to protect their loved ones, and/or a desire to be close to family again.

I quit watching after S5 because I couldn't stand the most of the writing choices for anyone in the main cast anymore, and, while I know that Emma, Rumple, Belle, Snow, David, and Henry all got "redemption" arcs and "happy endings" tacked on at the end, I still didn't feel emotionally invested anymore in their canon because everything that once made them relatively compelling, consistent, dynamic, and relatable characters and/or relationships had been completely destroyed by increasingly cheaply shocking, contrived, inconsistent, flanderdized, wildly ooc, melodramatically toxic, and stupid character assassinating bad writing choices one times too many throughout the end of 3B-S7.

Plus, no one in the remaining main cast really ever experienced any sort of growth after the Neverland arc, anyway. They just got character assassinated and/or retconned multiple times in increasingly contrived, ooc, and stupid ways , so that they could force them all to have Aesop's Amnesia (learn the same lessons over and over again) , which ultimately led them back to the exact same places they had already ended up at in "Going Home" (3x11) at the end of S6-S7, anyway.

Unfortunately, like I said before, I didn't care anymore about canon because they had all been destroyed by inexplicable character assassinating bad writing one too many times, both individually and as couples.

I'm tempted to do a rewatch of S1-3A because I don't want to acknowledge the bullshit on screen that came after in the next four-and-a-half seasons to be canon, but I'm worried that I'll just start sobbing my heart out when I remember how much Kitsowitz and these writers destroyed really beautiful, relatable, and complex characters and relationships, so that they could essentially reboot the show centered around Hook/CS, cheap shock value, recycled plots, and nonsensical and painfully character assassinating magical soap opera melodrama garbage instead.

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chaoticspacefam · 3 years

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🖊🖊 for Ni'kasi and an oc of your choice 👀

Thanks for the ask, Pinky! apparently my brain has decided “gush” means “throw lots of random fun facts at everyone” today so here we go! Here’s your favourite tomato gal! :3

-She and Saarai were always twins and I’d always intended for them to be close, and the bare-bones basic premise of how I wanted their relationship to work was “Saarai is the brawn and Kas is the brains”. While this is still true, it did evolve ever so slightly in that Saarai is now also the (more reliable) moral compass. Kas isn’t particularly Dark-sided, but she’s not Light-sided either, she’s inherited a lot more of mom’s “I will do what I have to to get a job done even if that means I have to kill a bitch” attitude XD

-When I first came up with the idea for the twins, Kas’s name was originally going to be “Jen” which is the High Sith word for “hidden, or in shadow” (”Saarai” is the High Sith word for “Truth”, for reference ;) ) ; so their names joined together would have meant “Hidden Truth”. I don’t remember where Ni’kasi came from because it isn’t an “actual” Sith word nor does it have particular meaning (though I might try to make one up, we’ll see :P), but the very first time I went to write down solid bios for them I ended up writing “Ni’kasi” instead of “Jen” for her and it’s stuck ever since then.

-Initially, Kas’s colour pallette was a lot lighter, which you can see in all of her screenshots up till now (cause I forgot to change her when I changed the design earlier this year oops :’D) and also in this art piece I ordered of her last year, here:

(art is by @/cerculor on deviantART)

and the twins were very darn near close to being identical, but I decided that I actually rather liked their dad’s more purple-ish skintone earlier this year and that it was a shame neither of the twins looked a bit more like him, so I changed Kas up a bit and gave her dad’s skintone, jaw spurs and eye colour. She’s got mom’s red-tinted hair and (mostly) mom’s ridge/browstalk structure though :D

-Great with her own kids and direct blood relatives (e.g. nieces, nephews, grandchildren), but kinda iffy with other, random children. She won’t hurt them but she’s very much D’leah’s child in that respect, she’s very “Sith-y”, and liable to be abrasive, unsympathetic and so on. Generally not the sort of presence you’d want around your kids... there will definitely be tears hahahaha

-The scar on her eye was originally going to be caused by D’leah in the same fight that she gets Saarai’s nose, when Ni’kasi got between them to try and break up the scuffle, but I retconned that instead when I re-thought some stuff about that so now she gets it from the Inquisitors after they figure out who killed Ty’s dad and come after them.

-This is also how Kas ends up in the slave pens, after they kill D’leah they throw Ni’kasi into slavery (which is a bit of plot armour/oversight on the Inquisitors part, I admit but shhh XD) and figure y’know “she’s never gonna get out of there again”. A lot can happen, and be forgotten, in 60 odd years tho so eventually they do throw her back into the Academy much to Kas’s surprise.

-She has a lot more scars other than the one on her eye, just that most of them are on her back, or the back of her neck, so you generally can’t see them (I haven’t drawn a scar ref for her yet, it is also on the to-do list lol)

And we random-rolled Aria for this one, so more Tiny Sith nonsense!

(art is by @/ocellifera on deviantART)

-Aria’s hairstyle and general appearance actually came about because it was based on my second-favourite “portrait” choice for the PC in KOTOR II. She wasn’t how I saw my version of the Exile looking, but I really liked the design (including the little blonde fringe streak) so I decided I wanted to do something with it! <3

-We don’t get to see it much because usually when I draw her she’s back with the Sith and fully into the “Dark side” portion of her story and therefore her eyes are amber, but here you go, a nice glimpse of Aria’s natural eye colour! As mentioned on Myla’s ask, she has heterochromia as well, though her grey is “lighter” than Myla’s as she inherited the grey from dad and the brown from mom (yes I know technically it doesn’t work like that but basically I couldn’t decide which one I liked better so instead of agonising over the choice I went “one of each, problem solved” XD)

-Aria was actually the very first SWTOR-era OC I made, very closely followed by her dad, Roan, and then Vano, then her mom when I worked on her backstory, and followed by everyone else haha. I created her for an RP on an RP site that got a couple of posts in and then died/my partner ghosted me for whatever reason (I’ve never found out nor does it matter really), I was disappointed because I really liked Aria and didn’t get to “do much” with her, so I recycled her when another RP popped up, used that to build her backstory and prompt me to start the Subterfugeverse and then threw her into the Zephyrverse AU RP with my buddy k-christine once she got back in touch and we started RPing again :D -Aria gave me the most trouble (other than maybeee Saarai) in terms of finally nailing down what her sexuality was. I had no idea what she’d be at all when I first made her, other than I knew this binch wasn’t straight hahaha. So first, I defaulted her to bi, but then that didn’t seem to fit her much (I didn’t know pansexuality was a thing at the time), then during my self-projection phase I considered leaving her as just a lesbian but she wasn’t happy with that either and eventually I figured out pan is a thing and she started jumping up and down and screaming HELLO YEAH THAT ONE!! at me. The only thing that was for sure obvious to me was that she’s demiromantic, because while she can get around and doesn’t care who with (insert “will fuck anything (humanoid) with a pulse” joke here), the romantic feelings often attached to that for other people take a long time to develop for Aria.

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darkpoisonouslove · 3 years

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Winx Club Season 5 Thoughts Part 2

Part 1 is here.

5x14:

- I thought there was a musical performance coming up but nope. I can do with cleaning up a beach instead. I like it. And they’re sorting the trash as they pick it up? That’s actually super thoughtful. They have their moments.

- Icy and Tritannus are disgusting. And not because they’re cute and I hate cute like Stormy does. It’s because they’re cringy.

- So is Tritannus just gonna have Daphne floating around after him until the end of the season?

- Sooooo... there’s a throne that can give you ultimate power over the whole dimension and it’s just chilling there in the middle of the Infinite Ocean? That seems incredibly illogical and stupid to me. Who has access to the Infinite Ocean again? I know Sirenix got cursed but that was about 20 years ago. What was going on before that? Surely, Daphne couldn’t have been the only Sirenix fairy. And what if one of the fairies with Sirenix decided to just sit on the throne and take the power? This is just... an incredibly stupid and undeveloped concept even by Winx’ standards.

- Again, I have no idea why Daphne warned him at all. Just let the curse make everyone’s jobs easier and get rid of him. (I thought only the Trix had Sirenix, though, because he doesn’t look different after he got it and him being drained by the throne seems to support the idea that his powers are all coming from the pollution he consumes.) Also, how very convenient for him that there is a singular cell right there next to the Emperor’s Throne. ‘Cause any part of this makes any sense.

- Okay, they just vanished matter again. And yeah, we’ve established there is no logic to that but maybe it would have been a better idea to have all that trash recycled? So that it could have been used again? That would have been more eco friendly as it saves resources.

- Aww, poor Stella! Yes, the dress of carrots was definitely too impractical to be worn on a daily basis and also a potential hazard if it draws animals to you but I still feel bad for her. At least she was trying to do something good. And if she adapts her strategy a little and uses some magic she could really succeed in her mission and make clothing more ecological. I have a feeling that they are only writing her making horrible designs on purpose to give the appearance of some arc for her character. We all know season 1-3 Stella would have done so much better with her designs.

- Okay, Brandon did not handle that talk at all but I appreciate the fact that he was honest at the very least instead of just saying what Stella wants to hear from him. It was certainly hard for both of them but that is how relationships should be - honest.

- Yes, they just rationalized that all the garbage might draw in Tritannus but the moment they see a purple tornado it doesn’t click that that is Stormy. Because purple tornadoes are totally natural on Earth.

- The Trix look even worse in the 2D style while Winx look somewhat better than they do in 3D.

- Seriously, tell me how Winx are gonna defeat that tornado. Stormy could probably tear apart the whole planet with the power she’s packing here. And Tritannus, Icy and Darcy haven’t even lifted a finger yet.

- Yeah, it took all six of Winx to handle only Stormy’s powers so the evil group will just leave. It’s not like they appear stronger and probably have chances to win this.

- Love how everyone’s observation skills are going through a meltdown.

- Tritannus is ruthless and I have to say that I love that. I’m sick of the villains just leaving Winx alone without doing all the damage they possibly could just because the plot needs it to be so. Even here he could have made the mutants attack them and he didn’t but at least he used them as leverage so it’s better.

- Layla’s reaction was a little over the top in the Infinite Ocean but I am glad that they are showing her to be so upset about her relatives even though it’s extended family. We don’t see enough familial relationships on Winx.

- Please, tell me Tritannus will get the power of the Throne. Otherwise, they shoved all the nonsense surrounding it in here for nothing. And that will be a bigger challenge for Winx.

5x15:

- Love how in season 3 every Winx girl had a different swimming technique but now they are all swimming in the same way.

- Where is this problem coming out of all of a sudden? Stella had no issue firing at Tritannus in the previous episode. They’re just doing it to manufacture drama because otherwise, she would have the power to save her father from the beginning of the episode and they wouldn’t have an episode.

- They gave Layla a sword. Good. Best decision they’ve made all season.

- Love that Darcy and Stormy are thinking about what their role is here.

- Who thought the selkies could protect anything? They can’t even protect themselves.

- I love that they showed a couple of worlds but we only really saw the effect of the eclipse on Andros and Solaria.

- Radius has never been that much of an asshole (not that we’ve seen that much of him). He seems totally out of character here and I hate to admit that there is some logic to him being ruled by pride since he is legit standing in for the sun. I love the fact that both Stella and Luna were super worried about him, though, and instantly came to help.

- Omg, their hair changing colors is so not necessary or relevant rn. Wish they would just leave it alone.

- Layla roasting Tritannus that he’s letting Icy do all his fighting was absolute peak! I’m here for it!

- Okay, so there was literally no reason why Stella’s light didn’t work at the beginning of the episode but did at the end and it only made her seem more self-centered if anything because she only really put her will into fighting once she was directly affected. Not @ the way this season is not pulling off the emotional arcs at all.

- Wow, okay. Icy sacrificing herself for Tritannus was just... unexpected. Winx weren’t prepared either. I am glad that at least he had the decency to be mad that she’s hurt and appreciate what she did for him.

- Aww, Luna is absolutely precious and I love her already!

- Couldn’t have Bloom used her fire to the same effect that Stella used her light? And Layla could have totally used her morphix to cover them and make sure they won’t be hit. They didn’t just have to stand there and be useless.

5x16:

- Why did I hear Layla say pillow instead of pillar? I think I might need to go to bed (it’s like 5am).

- Nature kick? Nature KICK???????? They gave Flora an attack that’s inherently violent? What the hell were they thinking? That has never been her style so why start now?

- “I’d do anything for you, Tritannus.” Yes, including abandoning your sisters. Nice one, Icy!

- I knew it that the two mutants Layla freed would be Nereus and Tressa. No way can we have any adults here.

- It’s interesting that convergence didn’t work. There’s an intriguing implication in that somewhere but it’s too late to unpack it now.... Okay, now that I am awake (and have watched the rest of the episodes), let’s see what I get out of this. The Pillar needed light which is something tangible and physical unlike the other two Pillars so the convergence didn’t work because Stella is the only one whose powers are about light. I like the implication here and they could have done something interesting with it, not to mention implement some rules when it comes to convergence at the very least.

- Stella just singlehandedly powered all the suns in the Magic Dimension. That is the most powerful thing we have seen anyone do on this show. I love her so much!

- Aww, I feel so bad for Stella! I am crying over here. And seriously, why is Radius being so prickly here? He wasn’t like that in season 3. Stella was even ready to let them ignore her if it would mean that they could also ignore the budding argument. This is hurting her so much and it’s hurting me as well!

- Aww, Kiko really wanted to cheer Stella up so badly! He’s adorable.

- Was Erendor the one suggesting that they unite their powers? Wow, I am just shocked. Also, kinda amused that Faragonda managed to make them all shut up even though they are all more “important” than she is.

- So why is Diaspro on Eraklyon? She was supposed to be banished. But no, we need more stupid drama. I see that Erendor at least is back to his prickliness. And yes, I totally have to agree with Samara that he just made an awful mistake. Giving Diaspro the authority to speak in his name is a rash and reckless decision in general. After she mind controlled Sky? Absolute madness,

- Wizgiz looks so weird without his hat.

- What is so hard to figure out about the “fight fire with fire” expression? But they did a pretty good job regardless.

- Of course, there is Diaspro drama even when she and Sky don’t have any kind of personal relations anymore. But still, I don’t think Bloom should be so affected by it because she was told it was for his royal duties. (and since the meeting is held on Domino, she could totally be there as well) It is frustrating but it’s still better than what has happened with Diaspro before.

5x17:

- Omg, Daphne is pushing herself to her limits in the name of saving everyone. Meanwhile, what does she get in return? Tortured by both Stormy and Tritannus, vaguely ignored by her sister and the show won’t even let her parents show concern for her (not that they can save her now that she is in the Infinite Ocean but they could have tried in 5x13).

- Why is Kiko sleeping so far off the ground? That is dangerous. He could roll off the pillow in his sleep and fall... Or Bloom could send him flying through the room when she tosses in her sleep. Poor bunny.

- Eye of Inspiration? Wow, okay.

- Weren’t there four pillars? Why only three seals? And Pillar of Control and Pillar of Balance? What the hell? Light is at least tangible. But control and balance? What the hell?

- I can’t believe that Icy would turn on Darcy and Stormy because of a guy. This is so stupid and I hate it.

- When are the selkies going to learn that they are useless and the best idea would be to hide and go look for someone who actually stands a chance against Tritannus?

- The moon thing was some serious level of bullshit. Like, I get that it looks all fairytale-y and magic-y and shit but when you look at it from a logical point of view, it’s just a fucking mess. You’re telling me that just looking down at the well releases some magic? What the hell? Even if you take their Sirenix into account, this is still weird. (The room made of water was cool, though). Oh, and a map of the Infinite Ocean. How convenient. Because Alfea has all the answers.

- Wow, Mike and Vanessa are actually gonna clean that whole trash island up? I am in awe of their determination.

- Okay, so where the hell are the fairies of Earth? It would make sense for them to take action against Tritannus. He is hurting the planet directly and is also a major threat that needs to be dealt with. They should have been involved now that their kingdom was reinstated.

- Well, Stella is still feisty even when she’s sleep deprived. Also, I see they have no problem using their Sirenix powers now. I am so sick of them using convergence, though. Wish they’d do something more creative.

- I honestly wish Tritannus will get rid of the selkies permanently because they are that annoying.

- Seriously? Tritannus knows that they can follow him in the Infinite Ocean but he just... thought they wouldn’t find him? He should know better by now. And Layla was weird too because they know where he will be going. They can find him. Also, another convergence? Come. On!

5x18:

- What took Tritannus so long to show up? He was right there with the Trix. I do like the critique on Icy’s long hair that this was. Like, girl is aesthetic as hell but long hair could def be very dangerous.

- I am actually on Icy and Tritannus’ side here because the selkies are boring me to tears.

- Here’s an idea for you - instead of Daphne sacrificing every last bit of strength and vitality she has, maybe the Winx could figure something out on their own for a change.

- Ugh, the ugly dresses again. Classic, my ass. Ungodly hideous suits it better.

- Really not @ the way Marion’s throne is smaller than Oritel’s. Like, Erendor and Samara’s thrones were the same size but you’re telling me that Marion and Oritel’s are different implying that he has more power? Yeah, no. Fuck that idea. I like the third throne, though. What a shame Daphne isn’t there to fill her rightful place.

- I am so sick of the Diaspro drama that they are shoving in this even now.

- Oh, look! Roy is also there. How else are we gonna know that he is a Big DealTM? You know? Obviously someone that Layla should date.

- See, Marion is even the one leading this whole assembly. Though, my guess is that that would be because the union is her idea and Oritel agreed (probably a little begrudgingly). Of course, everyone else has to be a royal and prideful idiot about this. (I guess it was Theredor in 5x16 that suggested that they unite and not Erendor which would definitely make more sense). But yes, Winx are facing the consequences of what happens when everyone has a vote and you need consensus. Nothing gets fucking done. For once it actually looks plausible that Winx are more effective than any of the adults because they make up their minds quickly. Usually to a common stupid idea but they are certainly doing better than all the royals at this assembly.

- If the dragon is totally untamed, how is Codatorta riding it? This does not make sense to me. And I thought they would be learning strategy.

- Not @ the way Radius was being condescending to Stella. But I like the fact that she got through to him. She is gonna be a precious queen!

- I have to side with Diaspro because Bloom and Sky literally thought it to be a good idea to just leave the assembly and go deal with their teenage romance bullshit. Fucking responsible adults you are. Oh, yeah, sure. When she’s actually needed, she can’t leave all of a sudden and she’ll let the others do everything.

- Well, Winx are recklessly courageous, I will give them that. I hate how instantly they need their lessons, though. They learn something and it comes in handy the same day. What if something had happened, and they hadn’t had the lesson? They would be toast. Honestly, the levels of convenience because they don’t trust the audience to remember what happened in the episodes before that is just insane. It would have been better to have a couple of episodes between learning a skill and having to use it.

- Oh, wow! They noticed the pollution? I can’t believe it! Finally! This episode is actually treating me better. If they’d let the selkies become snacks and let Bloom take some responsibility, it would have been good. Now it isn’t half bad.

- This makes zero sense because Erendor and Oritel aka Eraklyon and Domino did have an alliance against the Ancestral Witches. And considering Erendor feeling guilty for betraying that alliance, it would make sense for him to join this one to fix his mistake back then or at least not repeat it. Only possible explanation for his behavior that I can think of is that Eraklyon is actually in a crisis and their defenses are in pretty bad shape so he doesn’t want the others to know that. But that still leaves them defenseless against a potential attack. This is stupid. I mean, his pride is obviously an explanation in and of itself but it is also the definition of stupid.

5x19:

- Why is Erendor so dense? If they defend the Pillars, Tritannus will be easier to beat without the power he will get if he destroys the Pillars. It is a simple deduction.

- Aww! This scene with Riven and Musa is so adorable! He was actually enjoying the music so much and Musa opened up about her mother. That was actually precious.

- Wow, they really tried hard to tie the balance thing to the sea and to music.

- Oh, man! Please, tell me Riven didn’t just run away like that because he got uncomfortable with emotions... Oh, wait! I get it now. He is planning a surprise for her and needs the help of this other girl, I believe it is the same one whose guitar playing skills he was admiring when Musa got all jealous for no fucking reason whatsoever. And they are making stupid drama again.

- Oh, come on! I have to stand Bloom and Sky stupid drama as well on top of the other one?!?!?! I hate this. Also, when will Bloom understand that she can’t be the center of Sky’s universe. She may not care about her royal duties but he was at least raised with some sense of responsibility towards his title. And what does Bloom do? Use her title to rub Diaspro’s nose in her victory on the Sky matter and then she just starts weeping over Sky wanting to talk to his father instead of dealing with the more important shit!

- You’d think that those Pillars would be better protected considering how fucking important they are. Also, aren’t the writers tired of making innocent mermaids on Andros suffer?

- They’re actually making a plan? And it’s a decent one? I can’t believe it!

- At least Tritannus goes back for Icy every time. Not that that’s gonna last but if she’s gonna ditch Darcy and Stormy, it’d better be worth it at least a little.

- Loved Bloom’s magical punch but the slow mo of Layla’s kick really does it a big disservice.

- Why did he throw his trident? That was idiotic. Layla going up in his face so that he could grab it back was also idiotic as hell so I guess they are equally stupid to balance each other out. Could have just blasted him with the trident and get it over with but noooooo. They have to make dumb choices.

- O. M. G! Darcy and Stormy got the whales? That was... so fucking AWESOME!!!! I was worried that them disappearing would actually fuck them over because Tritannus would get mad at them but they actually come back with the whales? Epic. Also, this makes me think that they are at least partially responsible for the chaos going on because Musa said it is the whales that keep the balance and Darcy just hypnotized them. I am so proud of my girl! *happy sob* Her powers really are just so badass in this season.

5x20:

- Seriously? This episode is titled “The Problems of Love” because of all the Sky and Bloom bullshit that will be in it (possibly Riven and Musa and even Tritannus and Icy as well)? Because THAT is the most important thing going on now.

- Okay, so Icy isn’t impressed by what Stormy and Darcy did for her? Girl, you need to wake the fuck up. I do love the energy of Darcy and Stormy just being evil sisters together and fucking shit up, though.

- So why did the rest of Winx not go to the Pillar while Musa was dealing with the whales? Also, didn’t they try the convergence on the Pillar of Light? It didn’t work. Why do they think it will work now? Oh, it actually did. Of course. Because balance. THE SYMBOLISM IS STRONG.

- Really not a fan of the way they have chopped the episodes in favor of suspense instead of in favor of every episode having a completed mini arc.

- Okay, so Musa is mature enough to know that bringing her mother back from the dead will mess with the natural flow of things but she can’t trust Riven just a tad bit more.

- So did Stella and Brandon make up? Last time we saw anything about them Stella said she hated them which she obviously didn’t mean but still. That was just left hanging there.

- Can they all leave Tecna alone? She and Timmy are happy with the way things are. If it works for them, then that’s the only thing that matters. And Musa projecting her relationship drama onto Tecna was just the worst. Glad at least Tecna trusts Timmy implicitly.

- Okay, so did Diaspro think this through? Of course, she didn’t. Once Sky learns what she’s done, she will probably get in trouble. I say probably because Erendor is kinda on her side here so it’s not all that certain. But in any case, she will make Sky resent her more. So still not a good idea.

- Bloom doesn’t have patience to wait for a minute. She knows Sky is busy and has a lot of things to do. She could just calm down a little and not expect him to respond to her every summons.

- Oh, my god! She really thinks that she is more important than a royal meeting. You are fucking yourself over and I wouldn’t give a damn if your stupid relationship drama wasn’t 50% of this godforsaken show.

- Sky should turn his phone off and Bloom should just get some fucking perspective. I know she’s used to being the center of the world but she needs to get her priorities straight as well. She should be looking for Daphne instead of being a fucking idiot over there. They know about the Emperor’s Throne. And if they have a map of the Infinite Ocean, they should know where it is. Just go there and confront Tritannus instead of waiting for him to keep stealing seals! How hard can it be? But of course, you need to have your head in the game, not in your bullshit relationship.

- My god, even ethereal beings like the guardians of Sirenix were dragged into this shit. At least that gave effect. And Bloom admitted she is the problem. I can’t believe it! Actual character development. Of course, I don’t expect it to stick until the next episode so it won’t matter but still.

- Umm... the wind should be carrying the pollen away from the flowers. It can’t carry pollen to them if the pollen comes from them. The wind can only carry it away. That is basically the idea of pollen. To get carried away.

- Omg, I am so tired of Stella’s interest in fashion fucking everything up. They’re making her incompetent and ignorant of everything else on purpose. Also, why can’t they fly? That was just out of nowhere.

5x21:

- They each have a special Sirenix spell? Was that concept introduced before or did it just show up now? I don’t think they’d said anything about that, though it would have been nice in the episode where Stella was having issues but later found the way to fix the Pillar of Light.

- I just wish they would leave Tecna and Timmy alone. Besides, they don’t have to go on a “real” and “romantic” date in order to be face to face. They can just chill on the couch and talk about what THEY want.

- Did Helia just tell Timmy to “man up”? You know what would be “manning up”? Getting over your egoistical impulses to meddle in everyone’s lives because you think you know best. At least Riven is being honest.

- What happened to just being yourself? Tecna and Timmy are already into each other for who they are. They don’t need all of this not so good dating advice.

- Wow, Daphne is going for desperate measures here but she is making sense at the very least.

- I am getting second hand embarrassment over Tecna and Timmy’s date. Poor guys. They just need to be themselves.

- Well, they succeeded with the destruction of the seal. I would love to see Tritannus’ reaction as well.

- Aww, at least Tecna and Timmy got to have a good end to their disastrous date.

5x22:

- I am so sick of Tritannus and Icy always repeating that they’ll be the emperor and empress once the Throne is complete. We get it, okay? No need to say it over and over again. I have a feeling they’re only doing that because they don’t actually have anything else to talk about.

- Omg, I thought this shit with Crystal and Helia was over. How much longer? Why is this even happening? I am so exasperated rn. At least Crystal is not like Diaspro. Even though the show tried to strongly suggest the similarity between them.

- Can they stop jumping to conclusions? Like, Flora legit saw Helia interact with Crystal for three seconds and it wasn’t him that threw himself at her. Flora is always trying to be polite so she should think that it’s possible that Helia is doing the same. Also, love how her insecurity stems from doubts in herself but that will never be resolved ever because no one gets proper arcs anymore.

- How is the king’s decision rational? It’s bullshit.

- Why the hell would droids function better in cold weather. How does that make sense?

- It would have been more interesting if Tritannus had destroyed the whole Pillar and they had to rebuild it from scratch. That might have needed more than convergence to fix and would have been a better challenge.

- Really? They have to fight the droids? That is the most predictable, most boring scenario that they could have come up with. Also, why isn’t there secondary defense against the droids? Like, just in case. No technology is infallible.

- I am confused. Is Tecna the princess of Zenith or not? Why does the king know her specifically if she’s not? Is it because she’s the guardian fairy of the planet? That could have been so much more interesting to see than any of this. A political discussion between him and the fairy that guards the whole planet. More worldbuilding.

- At least he changed his mind. I was hoping that would be the result of the mess with the droids.

- Aww, Tecna wished for Zenithians to feel empathy and connection! That is so precious. She has grown so much. Actually, this season hasn’t treated Tecna half bad. There were some golden opportunities that were missed but I actually like most of what they did do.

- Seriously? Sky sent a request for Bloom and she was still bitching about it? Honestly, that invitation for a diplomatic meeting could have been a cute thing where they get to both solve the issue with Eraklyon not wanting to join the alliance and their relationship drama. But no.

- I love Darcy and Stormy as a dynamic duo even if it pains me that Icy is treating them like that. But there is always place for her once she gets her mind back because she’s currently lost it.

5x23:

- I thought Politea was gonna be the plot of the third movie. But they’re bringing her in now? I am not sure I like this.

- Tritannus getting beaten down is a sight for sore eyes.

- Okay, I love this cute Bloom and Stella moment. Even if I am still not a fan of how they are giving Stella trouble with her designs because we all know that she is super good at what she does.

- Orrrrr... they could just use their Believix transformations and the Tracix wings to see the past. Though, those did seem to work only for the current location you’re at. And no past transformation is ever brought back.

- Why does Politea look like a brunette Bloom? Can they stop trying to make more of her? One is more than enough. Also, if Politea is a nymph as well, why does she look so plain compared to Daphne? We get it that Bloom and her whole family (and her whole planet) are all oh so special but this is ridiculous.

- Why the fuck did Politea refuse to help? If the Witches stole the power of the Infinite Ocean, she couldn’t get it for herself. Also, this is a blatant contradiction to everything we’ve been shown in the previous seasons. The witches grabbed Daphne and cursed her right after she opened the portal that sent Bloom to Earth, not in some battle for the Infinite Ocean.

- Didn’t Daphne say that Politea’s Sirenix turned evil because she turned evil? What the hell? And why would she turn into a monster when Daphne lost her body?????? I hate this.

- Oh, so Bloom’s going it alone now? Nice way to say she doesn’t think her friends can handle it because they aren’t as powerful as her. Wasn’t it exactly the fact that Politea refused to help Daphne that allegedly fucked them both over? Bloom should know better.

- Really? Icy didn’t dodge that? There’s a shitton of space in that underwater cave. She could have escaped in any direction. But no, she has to be dumb and get kicked. Lemme guess, Bloom went alone so that it could be a one on one against Icy and the writers could pretend there was any tension because that obviously wouldn’t have been the case if the rest of Winx were also there.

- So Politea just disappeared because that makes sense. Not like she’s a separate human being that was not formed by her Sirenix powers. And Darcy and Stormy are completely fine even though they absorbed an allegedly cursed Sirenix. And no one bothered finishing off Bloom just to make sure she would actually get finished off. How very convenient.

- Both Radius and Luna were at the assembly at Domino. Now they’re acting like 3-year-olds. I hate this so much. I can see why Stella is so done with their fighting. But I am so proud of her for talking to them and actually telling them how their behavior makes her feel. That was pretty mature of her. If only they could take her example and do the same and actually talk instead of just snapping at each other.

- Oh, and the teachers are at the fashion show as well? That’s cool.

- It’s actually cool that Stella didn’t wish her parents to get back together. She could have but that wouldn’t have been right since they don’t want that. Her wish is still a little questionable because their understanding of each other is not entirely their doing but, on the other hand, she wished that they would just listen to each other. Not necessarily agree. So I think it is actually okay.

- Awwww! It’s so cute from the rest of Winx to model Stella’s clothes!

- Lmaooo, Wizgiz is killing me in this episode. It’s cute how excited he is, though.

- I am so proud of Stella for what she said to (and about) Brandon. Now THAT was really mature of her. I loved it!

- Omg, Riven wrote a whole song for Musa! I knew that he would have a really cool surprise for her. Honestly, she doesn’t appreciate him as much as she should (when he’s not a jerk and he hasn’t been this season).

- But why is Roy with the Specialists? He’s not a part of their team. Please, stop acting like he has any place in this friend group. He’s an outsider and he’s never made any meaningful connections with any of them.

5x24:

- Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww! Dolphins are so precious!

- So Erendor did join the alliance at last? Not that they can agree on much still but at least they took the first step. Not @ the way the show keeps implying that Earth is the only planet that has pollution. And why did Flora decide to be dramatic before speaking?

- Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! The dolphins! Someone needs to stop him! He’s gonna destroy the precious dolphins!

- They actually made a joint decision? And Erendor fired Diaspro? Wow. WOW! I stan this episode. I just hope it won’t disappoint by the end. Oh, and here’s a prediction - Flora will earn her Sirenix wish this ep. Or Layla. But I think it will be Flora. (Bloom’s obv gonna be last.)

- Uggggh... Did a giant praying mantis just appear behind Stella and Layla? Why? Please no. (But that only makes me lean more in favor of Flora being the one to earn her wish this ep.)

- Oh, there’s more of them. I feel like all the “kick” spells of Sirenix were made specifically for the purpose of this episode.

- These shields couldn’t be any smaller. Sirenix spells are kinda lame, not gonna lie. Harmonix was much better in that regard (and more aesthetic even if impractical).

- Oh, yes. Don’t hurt the enormous bugs. The spell that is supposed to restore damaged environments will erase them out of existence instead. How is that better and why is Flora okay with it if she didn’t want the animals hurt?

- Is there anyone else in that task force besides the Specialists and the droids? You’re telling me that those are the only resources that the Magic Dimension can spare on the fight with what is currently the biggest threat to their existence? This is ridiculous.

- Luna can control the second sun of Solaria? I love that. I love her!

- So... Roy wasn’t even in danger. That’s so lame. I could have been on board with Layla saving him. And it would have been a nice parallel to their first meeting. Also, we have never seen them interact in order to care about any potential feelings between them. This is not how you make a relationship.

- Of course, Flora wouldn’t wish anything that tells us something new about her character. At this point nature and caring about it is the only personality trait she has (oh, and her doubts about her relationship with Helia). We can’t have anything else about her. Here’s something she could have wished for - that her sister can only ever die of natural death which could a) bring up the fact that she has a sister again and b) imply that she is still not over the fact that Miele almost died on her watch.

5x25:

- Omg, where is this sudden uncertainty about Helia coming from? Even though Crystal is not trying to take him from her. I wish this had been better set up at the very least. It could have been a great arc but we can’t have that, of course.

- Alfea has to be at least three times as big to host all the facilities we’ve seen it have in this season alone. I mean, come on!

- So now the mirror is a magical shoe designer? At least Stella’s wish to be with her parents was cute. But you’re telling me that all Layla wants right now is to dance with Roy? I call bullshit on that. She had zero time to recover from losing Nabu and I am so mad over this new “romance” being shoved at her out of the blue.

- Flora and Helia aren’t even gonna talk about this? Because the magical mirror solved the problem by showing what’s in her heart? I should have known this was going to happen.

- And why did Icy offer Layla instead of any of the other Winx? Because Layla has to be the strongest considering the nature of her powers aka she will be the hardest to capture. Though, it makes sense that the strongest will be the best fit to activate the Throne.

- So how did Nereus and Tressa go into the Infinite Ocean? Tritannus couldn’t before he stole Daphne’s Sirenix powers. So how did they manage without Sirenix?

- Why is Stella the one asking how to get rid of the mutants without hurting them when she was the one who managed to do exactly that in a previous episode? But, of course, they have forgotten all about previous episodes. Continuity? Don’t know her.

- How is the Breath of the Ocean summoning all the selkies? It was supposed to restore damaged environments. Now it suddenly has more functions because, of course, it does. It would be too much to want of them to figure out something else.

- Yes, I can see how they aren’t hurting the mutants. Not like knocking them out and possibly giving them concussions is hurting them. How could you think that?

- Oh, so Flora also has a “nature punch”? Are you kidding me?

- I see. They gave them all “punches” to compliment the “kicks” they already had. How very creative.

- You’d think that a prince would have been taught basic battle strategy and wouldn’t just turn his back on the enemy. But... obvious plot device to make Layla blow up and defeat Tritannus is obvious.

- Wow, they had to threaten Layla with losing someone else she cares about so that she couldn’t bring Nabu back to life and they could keep going with their stupid new romantic interest bullshit.

- AND Tritannus stole her power? Can Layla catch a break here? Also, why aren’t the rest of Winx following Bloom to go help Layla as well?

5x26:

- Wait, wait, wait! Are you telling me that the selkies knew where the Throne was this whole time?!?!?!?! AND they didn’t lead Winx there even though it was obvious that was where Tritannus was? Because “we’re almost there” implies that Bloom’s selkie knows the way to the Throne. So why, pray tell, are they only going there now and didn’t use that to fight him before?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! You know, when he still didn’t have everything he needed to activate the Throne?

- Did Tritannus get possessed by the power or something? This change in attitude is completely weird and really pissing me off because they could have actually done something decent with Icy and Tritannus’ relationship and the way it ended but they did not put a single thought in it. Anyway, I am glad Icy is back to her senses.

- Well, Musa looked like she was aiming at Roy which I wouldn’t mind all that much if it hadn’t been the middle of an important battle for which they needed him. But her magic waves didn’t affect him even though he was directly in their way so whatever.

- Now the whole palace is submerged. RIP to all the servants in there that didn’t have a tower to hide in and the Winx to save them.

- I actually love the idea of Winx interacting with the parents of the other Winx. It’s cute.

- Okay, but why is destroying the trident gonna render him powerless? He literally grew in size when he received the power of the Throne which means that it has to be in his body so taking away the trident shouldn’t work. Smh.

- Man, what a lame way to get rid of all the villains and their minions. Very anti climatic. And they didn’t even need the rest of Winx there. So what was this bullshit that they needed Sirenix to defeat him when that barely played any part in his downfall? If anything, it was what let him get the power to activate the Throne. (We all know they could have fixed the pillars even with Harmonix.)

- The gate of Oblivion? Hey, why did no one toss Valtor in there? Or the Trix for that matter?

- So Bloom didn’t actually wish to get Daphne back but to remove the Sirenix curse? Not that there’s much difference since the curse only ever seemed to have worked on Daphne (and Politea that just vanished in thin air).

- I’ll take Daphne’s comment about Bloom being the best little sister in the whole universe as her being emotional over the fact that she was brought back to life. It took Bloom so long to figure out that there was something wrong with her and then even longer to save her. In fact, she didn’t even look as concerned with Daphne’s situation as she was with her own romantic drama so I am not buying that she is so good at being a little sister. Besides, we all know that Miele is the best little sister.

- Aww, I really love that shot of Bloom and her whole family group hugging. And I especially love the fact that Mike and Vanessa are also there!

Oh, I have to write some sort of conclusion now? I was pretty clear on my feelings about this season so I don’t think there’s much to say. Only a few final words to the season itself - I dub thee The Season of Missed Opportunities. Also, love how Musa didn’t even get to use her Sirenix wish. Guess she didn’t please fate enough... even though she was mature enough to know that wishing her dead mother back was not the way she should use her wish. I call bullshit on that (and yes, this is my closing statement).

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stina-is-a-punk-rocker · 3 years

Text

stephanie perkins: ‘anna and the french kiss’

SPOILERS AHEAD!

Then again, if you’ve read any YA book, ever, it’s fairly obvious what’s going to happen.

I was going to go easy on this book; I really was. It’s really unfair how media aimed at a female demographic is seen as frivolous and vapid, and more often than not bashed and bullied when it comes to reviews. “People actually enjoy this crap?” ask the powers that be. “It’s worthless! Pulp! Dreamy-eyed nonsense only complete nimrods could ever like!”

And I take offense to that. There’s nothing wrong with liking romance or happy endings or stories about cute European boys. I was ecstatic when I stumbled across Anna and the French Kiss upon a chance trip to the bookstore. The cover was… meh (Century Gothic? Really? There were no other fonts?). But I’d heard nothing but praise about the book, and I was prepared to stay up all night and into the wee hours of the morning to finish it.

Admittedly, I was far from impressed upon the first reading. The characters were unlikable, the plot would’ve worked better for less shitty characters, honestly fuck these characters am I supposed to like them, fuck Anna, fuck Étienne, fuck Bridgette, fuck Toph, fuck Dave and Meredith and Amanda and Seany and every other stupid character in this stupid book.

The second time around, I expected to not hate it as much as I did when I first read it. It’s happened- I hated Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda when I first read it, and when I read it again, all that red-hot anger simmered down into an overall dislike. I thought To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before was trash at first, and then I read it again, and it got promoted to recyclable waste matter.

I found Anna and the French Kiss horrendous the first time I read it, and then I read it again, and… yeah, it’s still pretty awful.

Le Sommaire:

Anna Oliphant is a seventeen-year-old wannabe film critic who is #NotLikeOtherGirls – so she’s exactly like every other female YA lead. To her credit, she never explicitly says she’s special… everyone around her does.

She has a pretty meh life in Atlanta, Georgia with her mum and little bruv Sean- and then her dad decides to ship her off to France for her final year of high school. I’m not judging Anna for bawling her eyes out on her first day; I’m a huge mummy’s girl myself and I’d probably (definitely) do the same.

Meredith is Anna’s next-door neighbor, who does that thing which only happens in YA where she’s like “Oh, newbie? Let’s be friends!” (Or maybe it does happen irl and I tend to make a bad first impression which is why no one has ever approached me.)

Meredith’s friends are: Rashmi and Josh (who are a couple), and Étienne St. Clair. Guess which one is the love interest.

Étienne is cultured in that white person way where he’s half American, one quarter French and one quarter British. A true international.

But- *gasp*- American-British-French boy has a girlfriend, Ellie.

Anna has an absolutely gorgeous punk rocker (yum) boy with sideburns (yikes) back home named Christopher. Also, Christopher’s nickname is ‘Toph’ instead of ‘Chris’ because he too is #NotLikeOtherGirls. Anna tells us that nothing will happen between her and Étienne.

Anna is wrong.

Meredith has a crush on Étienne. So does the Regina George of the school, Amanda.

Étienne and Anna have some moments ™.

♫ Everyone else in the room can see it, everyone else but Anna ♫

I tear my hair out in frustration.

Several other white boys vie for Anna’s heart. Anna remains blissfully unaware (♫ that’s what makes you beautiful ♫). Étienne (who is still dating Ellie, mind you) is unreasonably agitated by this.

Étienne’s mum has cancer btw, which excuses all the shitty things he does, because he’s just a poor, misunderstood boy.

Ellie dresses up as a, quote unquote, ‘slutty nurse’ for Hallowe’en, though- so it’s perfectly okay to dislike her (even though, in the first interaction she had with Anna, where Ellie meets Anna and Étienne, after Étienne takes Anna to the movies, Ellie is perfectly sweet).

Anna, however, is NOT a slut. Amanda is, though. And Rashmi’s cold. And Meredith’s desperate. And Emily’s a slut, too. And her friend Bridgette from Atlanta is a traitor. Anna has an intense case of internalized misogyny.

Anna’s friend Bridgette from Atlanta is screwing Toph, and Anna throws a fit.

Étienne and Anna have some more moments ™.

A truly chaotic series of events befall Anna. She somehow winds up dating Dave (one from the harem of white boys who likes her) to spite Étienne, she gets into a fight with Amanda, more drama ensues, there’s a hint for a spinoff, Étienne and her kiss, Meredith sees and feels betrayed… several misunderstandings and more bullshit later, Étienne and Anna wind up together, because true love conquers all.

Mes Réflexions:

(If the French is off, blame Google Translate.)

Usually, it takes me half a page of my notebook to scribble down my thoughts about the book I’m reading. This motherfucker took me almost an entire page.

Granted, a solid 30% of those notes are me throwing insults at Étienne, but still. ‘STOP STOP STOP YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND YOU DICK’ counts, right?

(That was #17 in my notes, by the way.)

For the record, I like Stephanie Perkins’s writing. It’s not as over-the-top and unnecessarily introspective as Jenny Han’s in To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, and the interactions between Anna and her classmates were natural and not the “How do you do, fellow kids?” style of Becky Albertalli’s Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda. The pacing is decent- I didn’t feel like it was too rushed; not the insta-love trope most YA romances unfortunately fall prey to.

And yet. AND YET.

Anna: “What’s your problem?” Amanda: “You.”

Same, Amanda, same.

Anna Oliphant is one of my least favorite leads in a book, ever. Étienne’s even shittier. And it’s not like Nick or Amy Dunne from Gone Girl, or any of the main characters from The Secret History, where readers pretty much unanimously hate them. You’re meant to relate to Anna, you’re meant to find Étienne charming and dreamy. I literally had to put the book away and calm myself down several times- especially in the last quarter of the book.

One of my main gripes with Anna is how… dumb she is. I guess Anna’s “Oopsies, silly me, I don’t know French!” is meant to be relatable to the readers. And some parts (like her not knowing how to order food because she can’t speak French) are plausible, but- sis, you didn’t know how to spell oui? And my idea of a cinematic masterpiece is Kung-Fu Panda, but even a dumbass like me knows that France is the film appreciation capital of the world. And yet Anna, a self-professed film freak, doesn’t?

Of course, Anna’s gorgeous, but she has no clue, because of course she doesn’t- even though she has multiple guys falling head over heels for her.

I’m in a short skirt. It’s the first time I’ve worn one here, but my birthday seems like the appropriate occasion. “Woo, Anna!” Rashmi fake-adjusts her glasses. “Why do you hide those things?”

Étienne is staring at my legs. The scales covering them throb under his intense gaze, and the pincers sticking out of my thighs start clicking rapidly in arousal. My hooves shiver in ecstasy.

… sorry, that’s not funny.

Her friends think Anna’s weird for wanting to write film reviews (which is the most contrived thing I’ve ever heard) instead of being the next Margot Robbie or whatever, but of course Étienne doesn’t and he thinks it’s not weird and cool and that Anna is such a special snowflake.

(Man, I sound like Amanda.)

And then we have this spiel by Anna about how she got into film critiquing (?), because we the readers need to know how special and #NotLikeOtherGirls Anna is.

To this, I say, “Piss off, you pretentious fuck.”

Of course, Anna’s a virgin and she’s never gotten drunk before or worn short skirts- she’s not a slut, she shaves below the knees only.

And would YA really be YA without several hearty helpings of internalized misogyny?

First up, we have the bimbo; the Barbie doll archetype whose only goal in life is acquiring the main guy (who is quite obviously uninterested in her), and making life hell for our protagonist. Amanda Whatsername (is she ever given a surname?) has this coveted role in Anna and the French Kiss. She’s blond (because of course she is); the first time we meet her, she’s in a, quote unquote, ‘teeny tank top’, and she also ‘positions herself for maximum cleavage exposure’. She’s always flipping her hair, getting her grubby paws on Étienne, giving Anna the stink-eye, being homophobic and a grade-A bitch.

Meredith goes batshit when Anna and Étienne kiss, and is very pouty and unhappy during prior Anna x Shittiene moments. Honey… he’s just not that into you. Rashmi’s the Ice Queen reincarnate and halfway to bitchdom. Anna doesn’t go as hard on them as she does on literally every other female her age in the book, though.

Rashmi looks at me for the first time, calculating whether or not I might fall in love with her own boyfriend.

Anna, hate to break it to you, but not everyone’s a possessive fucking weirdo.

About Cherrie, her ex-boyfriend Matt’s new girlfriend:

And maybe Cherrie isn’t as bad as I remember. Except she is. She totally is. After only five minutes in her company, I cannot fathom how Bridge stands sitting with her at lunch every day.

Her lifeless laugh is one of her lesser attributes. What does Matt see in her?

Even Bridgette, Anna’s best friend from Atlanta, isn’t immune to Anna’s anti-female propaganda. She’s screwing the guy Anna used to like, and Anna, the hypocrite, throws a huge fit.

For context: Bridgette and Toph are in a band called the Penny Dreadfuls (why is it with YA books and horrible band names? ‘Emoji’ from Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda was bad enough), and Anna + Matt + Cherrie go to a bowling alley to see them perform. After the performance, Toph announces that he’s sleeping with Bridge, and Anna confronts Bridge… onstage.

“… You’re welcome to move in when I leave again, because that’s what you want, right? My life?”

She shakes with fury. “Go to hell.”

“Take my life. You can have it. Just watch out for the part where my BEST FRIEND SCREWS ME OVER!” I knock over a cymbal stand, and the brass hits the stage with an earsplitting crash that reverberates through the bowling alley. Matt calls my name. Has he been calling it this entire time? He grabs my arm and leads me around the electrical cords and plugs and onto the floor and away, away, away.

Everyone in the bowling alley is staring at me.

I duck my head so my hair covers my face. I’m crying. This would have never happened if I hadn’t given Toph her number. All of those late-night practices and… he said they’ve had sex! What if they’ve had it at my house? Does he come over when she’s watching Seany? Do they go in the bedroom?

I’m going to be sick.

Give me a goddamn break.

Anna, about Ellie:

To my amazement, Ellie breaks into an ear-to-ear smile. Oddly enough, it’s this moment I realize that despite her husky voice and Parisian attire, she’s sort of… plain. But friendly-looking.

That still doesn’t mean I like her.

“Anna! From Atlanta, right? Where’d you guys go?”

She knows who I am? St. Clair describes our evening while I contemplate this strange development. Did he tell her about me? Or was it Meredith? I hope it was him, but even if it was, it’s not like he said anything she found threatening. She doesn’t seem alarmed that I’ve spent the last three hours in the company of her very attractive boyfriend. Alone.

[about Ellie’s Hallowe’en costume] Slutty nurse. I don’t believe it. Tiny white button-up dress, red crosses across the nipples. Cleavage city.

If I didn’t like Ellie before, it’s nothing compared to how I feel now. It doesn’t matter that I can count how many times we’ve met on one hand.

I fantasize about their break-up. How he could hurt her, and she could hurt him, and all of the ways I could hurt her back. I want to grab her Parisian-styled hair and yank it so hard it rips from her skull. I want to sink my claws into her eyeballs and scrape.

It turns out I am not a nice person.

YOU DON’T FUCKING SAY.

Emily Middlestone bends over to pick up a dropped eraser, and Mike Reynard leers at her breasts. Gross. Too bad for him she’s interested in his best friend, Dave. The eraser drop was deliberate, but Dave is oblivious.

One of the juniors, a girl with dark hair and tight jeans, stretches in a move designed to show off her belly button ring to Paul/Pete. Oh, please.

And I’m meant to like this character? I’m supposed to root for her?

I’m not saying every girl in the book should be perfectly sweet and friendly- that’s just not realistic. But when Anna has something judgmental to say about every other young female character… maybe she’s the problem.

In fact, the only girl I recall getting a pass is Isla Whatsername. And why do you think?

Brilliant.

And now we have the amalgamation of almost every fanfic boyfriend trope from 2014, Étienne St. Clair. Brown-eyed Harry Styles. I can’t fucking wait.

Étienne could’ve discovered the cure for cancer, or abolished poverty, or volunteered at animal shelters in his spare time. He could’ve been the most virtuous guy around (fret not; he decidedly isn’t). And I still wouldn’t’ve thought of him as the man of my dreams because HE HAS A BLOODY GIRLFRIEND.

I mean, which girl doesn’t want her boyfriend to say:

“I cheated on her every day. In my mind, I thought of you in ways I shouldn’t have, again and again.”

Fuckin’ smooth, bro.

“No matter what a terrible boyfriend I was, I wouldn’t actually cheat on her. But I thought you’d know.”

Such a gentleman!

“So you can keep dating Ellie, but I can’t even talk to Dave?”

Étienne looks shamed. He stares at his boots. “I’m sorry.”

I don’t even know what to do with his apology.

“I’m sorry,” he says again. And this time, he’s looking at me. Begging me. “And I know it’s not fair to ask you, but I need more time. To sort things out.”

And this gem:

“If you liked me so much, why didn’t you break up with her?”

“I’ve been confused. I’ve been so stupid.”

*me, banging pots and pans together* F U C K Y O U

“Ellie’s not like you, Anna; she’s a slut and a whore even though I’m the one who’s been thinking about another girl inappropriately and I’m the one who gets my knickers in a twist when another man glances in your direction because my masculinity is extremely fragile and I’m a total hypocrite and a dickhead.”

I mean, he didn’t actually say that, but that’s the gist.

WHILE DATING ELLIE: he gets Anna a book of sexual love poems, he calls her attractive (“Any bloke with a working prick would be insane not to like you.”) multiple times, he gets jealous whenever another guy so much as breathes in Anna’s direction and constantly interrupts such interactions, he’s been ditching his friends for his girlfriend but suddenly decides he prefers a new girl over said girlfriend, he thinks bread pudding tastes good- in conclusion, he is a Massive Fucking Prick. Though in hindsight, him and Anna deserve each other. They’re awful.

I had loads more notes taken down (Anna using Dave; “The important thing is this: Dave is available. St. Clair is not.”); the implication that cheating is okay because Ellie is bad or whatever, even though the sudden change in her character seems contrived because she was perfectly okay with Étienne and Anna hanging out before; how my blood boils whenever I read an American book and American girls are like “oOoOh AcCenT!!!1!!1!!”; me reading “DAVE SAYS YER A SLUTBAG” in Hagrid’s voice; the sheer atrocity of the name ‘Étienne St. Clair’ (sounds like a caricature of a French person)… but this ‘review’ is already pushing 3k and I can’t be fucked to expand on any of those points.

Verdict (which is apparently the same in French):

Who needs Christopher when Étienne St. Clair is in the world?

Speak for yourself.

#books #book review #anna and the french kiss #Stephanie Perkins #french #france #parisian #paris #YA #young adult #romance #teen fiction #bad books

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bitch-its-me-alv · 4 years

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Waynes, Todds, Al-Ghuls and Dupain-Chengs

The magic leather rested on her shoulders while her fiance came back with the drinks and muffins.

The little prince of the Assassin League was leaning on his torso as he wrapped his baby arms around his neck. He had an adorable long coat that protected him from the autumn weather, with a hat that hid his big jade eyes and his scary eye look.

Every time she saw that eye look on the little boy, Marinette burned with fury, tempted to go back to tibet and kill Talia Al-Ghul instead of leaving her in a coma.

He was just an innocent child used for a terrible cause. Thanks to the kwami Jason was able to remember his time of madness due to the lazarus pit, and return for the poor boy before it was too late.

When they approached Jason's family about Bruce's biological son it was a surprise. They went a long way, Bruce and all his children to understand each other completely, in which Marinette formed an amazing part as a mediator. And with all protectors over Tim, discovering Talia's terrible plan shook everyone.

Dick was quick to try to go and save the little birdie. Tim was caught up in wanting to help rescue him and a panic induced by the insecurity of being set apart. Bruce was dismayed, with the pain of knowing that once again he failed another son of his. But Marinette and Jason already had it all planned.

With Jason's familiarity with the Assassin League, and Marinette's experience as a miraculous guardian on his side, they would attack the league.

Taking advantage of the fact that no one outside the mansion knew that Jason and Marinette had contact with batman and all his allies again, they would hide around the world with the little assassin until the assassins totally lost their track, and batman, red robin, and nightwing will get them out of the way.

Bruce was reluctant not to get involved in the fight, but accepted after all, that it would be a better way not to expose the little one in high-risk situations anymore. With the promise that they would be recorded daily, and a sermon that only Bruce Wayne could give.

“This is tedious. Someone like me shouldn't have to wait for a simple drink. I'm hungry!” His words were wide for someone with such a childish tone of voice.

Jay enjoyed teasing Damian with his tone of voice. And damian being the spoiled little boy he is, would try to jump on him to gouge out his eyes. But marinette knew better, those two would do anything to protect each other.

“Calm down Dami, in the real world things are different. Besides, you have never tried hot chocolate, I promise it would be worth it.” Mari puts a kiss on the dark hat on his little head. Damian grimaces, pretending that his eyes don't shine from the show of affection.

He was still a small child, whom others had raised to be a ruthless assassin who would rule the world. Thanks to the kwamis he could now be a normal boy with assassin training in a family of heroes and vigilantes.

And hopefully realize that he had a family that cared legitimately for him.

Just when Damian was about to start a tantrum of words too old for his mouth, Jason walks out of the busy cafeteria with the recyclable bag of his orders. Damian taps Mari's shoulder twice, which means put me down now you pleb, or as Marinette likes to remind him, put me down, please.

With childish grace damian rushes to Jason to demand his food request.

The image of a three-foot-tall boy demanding hot chocolate from a six-foot-four adult with muscles and a fashionable jacket made by herself, is hilarious.

Jason surprisingly was very good at understanding Damian. With little teasing, it gives Damian a dark green colored thermos that he demanded to buy at the store, with the hot chocolate.

Marinette approaches with Jason to get a better view of Damian's expression when he first tastes cocoa, milk, and sugar mixed in a drink of gods.

His entire expression suddenly glows with amazement at the first sip.

The killer-trained boy quickly disappears as he rushes in more drinks. Marinette is more than happy that her plan to pamper Damian at the right way was successful.

While Jason laughs heartily at Damian's actions, Marinette controls him to drink with caution.

Jason and Marinette walk back to the apartment they rented with Damian held by Jason with his left arm. The time for his daily report with Bruce was approaching.

"I was talking to Tim while I was in the line, I'm glad he is no longer insecure with his position in the family."Jason says to Marinette after he kisses her lips, with Damian too busy to notice.

"I can't blame him, after everything that happened with his biological family it is logical. But he has walked a long way since we met him, he just needs us to remind him that we love him no matter what."

“Aw, sunshine don't be so sweet, there's enough sugar in my coffee.”

“Someday you'll have to stop pretending you don't love your brothers, Jay. You don't fool anybody.”

“You may be right, but I'll never let them hear it”

Halfway Damian begins to nod, with a poorly made expression of a determined look on his face, while the thermos slips from his little hands. Mari picks up the thermos, and Damian is pleased enough with the warmth of his coat, Jason's, and the hot chocolate Mari bought him that he allows himself to rest his head on Jason's chest.

Damian's last thoughts are that they are not at all inefficient with his care. He says to himself the same words that his new family repeats to him.

We love you Damian, we are here for you.

And suddenly, all the hard and cold words that Talia ever said to him about his father and family become nonsense.

#jasonette #maribat #dc x mlb #ml x dc #batfam #bruce wayne #tim drake #dick grayson #sorta of mominette #happy batfam fight me #all bros bonding f u #daminette platonic #timinette platonic #All deserves better #damian is a happy little boi

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waterrunstogether · 3 years

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Rites of Passage in the Fifth World

I’ve been thinking lately about the absence of real rites of passage in modern “western culture”. A rite of passage is a sort of ritualized event (that may or may not be endorsed/organized by a community) in which a person is believed to exit from one stage of life and enter the next, usually from childhood to adulthood. Other than the humiliation of high school proms/frat hazing, or getting your driver’s license, or turning 21 and getting shitfaced, my culture in the United States has little to offer in the way of true rites of passage.

The result is a population of confused, somewhat disillusioned children driving around and going to work or university and pretending to be adults while hopelessly stuck in the liminal space between youth and adulthood.

~ 20 year old me pretending to know what’s going on ~

I have thought about quinceañeras and baptisms, religious rites of passage commonly practiced still, but considering the traumatic experience that my parents’ organized religion was for me, I don’t believe now that my baptism was a helpful event facilitating my transition into maturity. I think it was a blindingly painful event whose toxicity I needed to overcome in what I now believe was the true rite of passage.

I first dropped acid when I was traveling in Bulgaria. My partner was in her hometown across the country and I was visiting Plovdiv with a friend. We had just finished traveling the world, or at least Eurasia, meeting new faces and trying new things and taking wild risks in Thailand and Turkey and India and Malaysia, to name a few. I had also just escaped the cult I was born and raised in which had hammered into me from birth that my sexual and romantic orientation was an abomination, as a woman I was to obey men, God loved me and wanted me to fear him (that is to say, love = fear), the leaders of the church were to be obeyed and respected all the time (even if they were obviously wrong) and so on and so forth. It was an insane transition between being trapped in these religious handcuffs and learning that I could break free all along. In fact, I carried so much self hatred and internalized homophobia with me into my supposed new life that I didn’t know what to do with myself. Despite being outwardly happier than I had ever been before with a wonderful partner and community who truly loved and supported me for who I was, inwardly I was constantly on the verge of a mental breakdown due to all of the conflicting thoughts and beliefs I was carrying and creating within myself.

The experience of that first trip was an interesting one. Every step of the way my body seemed to pull me towards the letting go of all of the toxicity that was so thick and had built up like plaque in the arteries of my energetic being--yet, I remained me throughout the trip, at the end feeling somewhat empowered but not yet finished with the transformation.

A few months later I took psilocybin, AKA magic mushrooms, with my little brother on a rainy Summer day in D.C. The whole come up of the trip was talking to trees and observing the movements of leaves, running my fingers over the moss growing on the exposed, knotty roots of tree in front of our house. But at the end of the trip, something changed. Once again my body requested, begged me, to let go of the still-prevalent toxicity inside of me. My health was in rough shape, mentally and physically, and my body knew the culprit. But once more I felt I couldn’t let go just yet, it would be too much for me, I wasn’t ready. So I spent the entire come down and then some, maybe four hours, weeping uncontrollably on the basement floor.

The second time I dropped acid was yesterday, with my partner, here in Berlin. It changed everything.

During the come up I was taken aback by how strong the effect it had on me was. My partner, bless her heart, had taken a larger dose than me, yet felt no effect the entire time. Her tolerance has always been naturally higher than mine for every kind of intoxicating substance, and LSD was no exception.

As time went on I came to realize that her high tolerance was incredibly fortunate for me and my trip. The initial come up was amusing, as flashes of white light began to fill up my eyes, closed and open; but very quickly I began to get paranoid, strange little thoughts about being set up and targeted running through my mind as my sense of self slowly began to dissipate, just nonsense that the ego conjures up to protect itself. But my partner’s calming reassurances that she loved me and that I was safe effectively calmed me down.

Once I began to enjoy the ride up, holding a half of a pomegranate and appreciating its beauty, touching a slice of orange and loving how soft it felt in my hands, admiring the fractals of color creating all kinds of geometric shapes on the walls and snow outside the window, I became comfortable with my loss of identity. At some point I realized that I didn’t even know my name, and I didn’t care, because it was irrelevant. All that was relevant was experience.

Imagine experiencing and interacting with the world around you without the barrier of the thing that we are so used to that it’s difficult to think of it as a barrier at all: your concept of self. Ideas about names and races and gender and desire and anger and malice and hatred just made absolutely no sense whatsoever. In this state, all that made sense was goodness and beauty and love. All that I understood was harmony and mutually beneficial behavior. My preconceived notions about who I was and what that meant were being shattered and shredded before my very eyes, exposed for what they were: nonsense.

Once I plateaued and began to slowly come down after about four or five hours I was able to contemplate what these things meant, what they would mean for me going forward. I went into the bathroom around hour 7 and decided that it was time to look into the mirror.

Many people will tell you not to look into the mirror during an acid trip, that it’ll give you the dreaded “bad trip” and you’ll have a shit time. I completely disagree. If you are like me and need to come to terms with yourself through the wonderful, horrific, beautiful, terrifying experience that is an “ego death”, I’m afraid that you’ll have no choice but to look into the mirror at some point.

So, I stared myself down in the mirror and admitted what I couldn’t admit for so long, due to being taught that I was essentially evil since the day I was born. I’d called myself a sinner, wicked, worthless, ugly, an abomination and just about every other mean word in the evangelical dictionary. But as I stood there looking at my body in the mirror, egoless and impartial, I said, “You have done and thought some cruel things to yourself for some time now. But you know what? You are a kind person. You are a wonderful person. You treat people with respect and love, you treat everyone you’ve ever met with so much empathy, so much caring. You love the truth, you love to be generous, you love to be a good friend. You must begin to treat yourself the same way. I know you’ve had so much hatred in your heart contaminating your energy for so long, but that is enough. That is enough. No more. I am a kind person. I am a kind person. I love you. Remember that night so long ago? Beneath the stars, where they submerged you in the baptismal water and tried to destroy you, saying these sacred waters would wash all your sins away, along with your fragile, meaningless identity? Well, they simply added more to your ego, a darker side. You built up so much negativity for so long. Well, look at you now. Your identity, all of the ideas and concepts that you’ve built up around who you really are to protect you from the hurt of Life, it’s all gone. Now you’re going to baptize yourself again. You’ll be truly reborn, this time dedicated not to destroying yourself for the sake of a religion, but dedicated to renewing and becoming and becoming and becoming.” As I looking into the mirror my silhouette became filled in with the velvet black of the night sky, full of bright stars.

I turned on the water and was baptized once again, by my own hands.

When I returned to the room I felt happier than I had ever felt in my life, light as air, free. I told several people about how much I love them and described my love for them in detail, not as this thing that’s an extension of my own ego, but my love for them was a little bit of energy that I had the honor of holding in me, in this body, and sharing between us for a time, for the wonderful events that we call our lives. I could actually see love. I understood that I was not all of the concepts I’ve built around myself, but an expression of energy in this space and time, connected to every other expression of energy in all of history, from the beginning and until the end. My matter, my body, was simply a vehicle for the energy, and would be recycled into new vehicles after I die. My energy would be transferred into new vehicles as well. That’s what we perceive as death: just a simple transfer of energy and recycling of matter. My ego would not live on, thankfully. My consciousness as conflated with ego would cease to exist with me. But the underlying animating force behind all things in the universe, the true source of consciousness, would never be destroyed or created, simply recycled again and again and again and again. Becoming and becoming and becoming and becoming.

The hilarious and bizarre world of reality is hilarious and bizarre. It’s so beautiful and mystical and wonderful and honestly, nothing I write here could ever explain how I experienced being alive in that sixteen hour trip. Words don’t convey it, words can’t convey it. Reality is visceral, experiential, impartial and impossible to quantify in something as crude as human language.

All I know is that, today, I am a fundamentally changed person. I’d feared ego death for so long, feared that it would be too much, too painful. And it was so, so painful--but it was so worth it. I am happy and proud to exist, grateful for everything I have accomplished and can accomplish in this miraculous, tiny little vessel during this ephemeral event that is my life. I can’t wait to wake up tomorrow if tomorrow exists, and unleash all of my love on everyone who’ll have it. Love is the energy that unites us with our own bodies and the entire world around us. How lucky and strange it is to be anything at all.

May you have a peaceful day. The universe smiles upon you.

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ramblings-of-a-mad-cat · 3 years

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A morbid thought hit me just now, how many romance sidequests do actually hold up? Like thinking on it I only love two of the six, and kinda like one. Over half of the romance sidequests have been duds! O__O

I don’t quite agree that they were all duds, but some of them were pretty bad, and others didn’t quite live up to expectations. Let me take a look-through:

The Celestial Ball is probably my favorite overall, even to this day. It just holds up really well, and it doesn’t really have any problems that the other quests don’t have as well. (The recycled dialogue, for example.) I think the success of this one comes from the focus on the event, preparing and enjoying it with our friends. This one is the best TLSQ out of all of the others overall, but it’s not necessarily the best Dating TLSQ, if that makes any sense. Because it plays things more ambiguously. It stars Penny, but her inclusion makes sense for the character and the rest of the cast does get adequate screen-time. The only thing is that, once you’re at the Ball, you wind up spending most of the night with Penny except for one scene with your Love Interest. So it winds up feeling like you’re on a Date with Penny regardless of who you pick, but again, the lack of overt romantic themes make that easier to swallow. Andre being the Style Wizard is introduced here, and he comes up with three boss outfits. Not to mention, Rowan gets a bigger role, and their relationship with Ben comes into play. Bill x Rowan gets teasing, too! How could I not love this one?

The First Date TLSQ is much more steeped in romance. Not just in the sweet and wholesome moments, but also in the high school drama, alas. It was the quest to introduce cutting characters and it removed three of them, while only adding one in return. So it’s got that working against it. The whole premise of MC writing the note is just so damn silly. I can laugh at it, but it really doesn’t make sense, especially since half of the options aren’t even in their Potions class. Tonks and Charlie, for as much as I love them, really need to work on their social skills because guys, guys, guys. What were you thinking? Characters expressing sadness that you didn’t choose them is an interesting concept, I’m both relieved and a little disappointed that they never explored this more. The scene in the courtyard at night was nice enough to make everything else worth it, but the whole idea that MC’s love interest might not like them anymore is a bit hard to go along with. One final plus though, is that this quest has the best outfits to choose from, period. I know it’s subjective but damn, Andre really outdid himself this time.

Valentines Day I...oh boy. The culmination of so much I don’t like. This quest started the tradition of having all of the love interests needlessly confess to MC, taking up valuable time for a reveal that doesn’t matter if you don’t choose the character and makes things awkward...and also doesn’t matter if you do choose them because it removes all tension and honestly? If the character is available, I already know they’re going to say yes. Penny acts like she’s drunk during the entire quest, and not in a charming way either. It really gets to the point of being out of character. And Gilderoy. Fucking. Lockhart. He is so annoying. Jam City got so caught up in featuring any canon character they could, that they never stopped to realize no one wanted to see this guy and watch him consume most of the screen time. He gets away with stealing MC’s story at the end, as well? Like, what? How? The Greenhouse scene is one of the most beautiful to be depicted thus far. It honestly makes the entire quest worth it...but it doesn’t save the quest, and I maintain that it comes out of nowhere. It’s a brilliant standalone scene...but it doesn’t make up for the final sin: Tulip is omitted for absolutely no given reason and as a major fan of hers, I am not happy about this.

The Festival TLSQ: Better than First Date and Valentines I, but not as good as the Celestial Ball. The story is more fun, especially with the added feature of outside classes. I like the overall carnival feel of the event, but I kind of wish this game didn’t constantly centralize MC, Penny, and Merula. Especially in the dating quests, with the whole concept of the election. Why is MC on the ballot if they didn’t run? Why can they only vote for two of the potential love interests? I know it’s a personal thing and it really kind of started in Valentines, but Andre’s outfits appeal to me less and less as time goes on, and he’s making fewer of them. That being said, I much, much prefer the concept of a “Secret Admirer” to just having everyone confess to MC, and “I think about you gobs” still makes me laugh every time I hear it. Lockhart does show up again and his sequence absolutely frustrates me. Like, he doesn’t stay as long as he did the first time and we do get to kick his ass...but why would he even dare show his face again after the botched memory charm? Why is anyone even listening to him or letting him hog the spotlight? Why is he here? Damn it, just let me and my date play around with painting our faces! I whine, it’s true, but this one is still miles better than it’s predecessor. It adds new characters, quite a few of them, and it also stars Andre. He normally doesn’t get the spotlight, so these things really work to the quest’s favor.

Valentines Day II: This one is far from being the best TLSQ we’ve ever had, but I actually do think that on the whole? It is the best Dating TLSQ we’ve had. It really captures the theme of falling in love, and the feeling of being a Valentines Day episode. The whole storyline about Pince and Filch? I really like that! The fairytale, storybook motif? It kinda really works! We once again have everyone outright confessing to MC, but I’m just gonna ignore it. The outfits look pretty damn good actually, but I am heartbroken that Luca can’t wear that skirt. Ah well, at least gals can wear the suit. The characters just work together well in this quest, there’s a sense of comradery in putting together the event and melting Pince’s frozen heart, right down to putting Filch in that hilarious outfit and dying Mrs. Norris pink. The whole plot being a reference to a rumor from the books is great. And yeah, MC’s date would have had absolutely no time to set up that whole set-piece in the library but what do I care? It was a really sweet moment. That’s just what works so well about this quest - it’s sweet. Between MC and their Date, between Filch and Pince...it was just a fun story to watch unfold, and at the end of it all, you get to celebrate with your love interest.

Enchanted Kiss: This one had such a promising start. I love the whole concept of MC auditioning for a play, actually putting on a production, and being cast alongside their love interest to be the romantic leads. It’s not even a “dating” TLSQ technically since you don’t go on a date with your chosen character. But you get to choose them early on and ignore all of that confessing nonsense. You get to work toward putting on a play. You get to work toward saving it...but unfortunately, that’s when it all goes wrong. I’ve said my piece about why it was a terrible idea to make everything about MC, and that kind of infected the rest of the quest. There are no outfits for any of the dating options, nor does MC even get to choose between outfits this time. Little details like that combined with how quickly this one came out after the last one lead me to believe they were perhaps rushing to get it out and I don’t know why. They went to the trouble of coming up with that adorable animation for the enchanted kiss...and they couldn’t have put a lip kiss in it, at the very end? Come on Jam City, you know that’s what everyone really wants! It’s the same as how they tease the idea of MC and their Date saying “I love you” for the first time, but this doesn’t happen either. It just started so well and became very disappointing, but it was still fun overall.

#Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery #Ramblings #HPHM Jacob's Sibling #HPHM Analysis

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