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viviennevermillion · 7 months

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Theory about Fellow's backstory:

Some things I'd like to bring to your attention:

Fellow states that he wasted a few more years than the NRC students and slid non-committally through life until he was over 20 and became "employed"

Playful Land has recently become a trend and a fabled place everyone wants to go to. So far we have no information on what the amusement park was like before it became popular, so it might not have existed for that long

Fellow, while being the manager of Playful Land, clearly has a boss who threatens to cut his and Gidel's salary and he doesn't seem to get along very well with his superiors, even seems to hate them as he implies they are the rich people he appears to despise.

Gidel seems interested in going to a school

Now, I haven't personally seen Pinocchio except during my very early childhood, but I have looked up Honest John and apparently he has a boss called the Coachman and according to the wikia Honest John even sympathizes with Pinocchio and reacts with horror to the Coachman's plans to enslave the children

Fellow seems enraged when the topic of money is brought up and Yuu asks him if he does all this "just" for money and he talks about the students going to school as though they are very privileged etc.

This is still a Disney game and Fellow will likely get a card next year the same way Rollo did, which means he needs to be marketable. He's already marketed as the pretty new villain. They could still surprise me but for now I find it rather unlikely that they'll make Fellow a full-on human trafficker out of his own free will for the sake of evilling or some petty revenge / self-hatred reason

So my take so far is that Fellow is going to be the villain we deal with in this event just how Rollo has been but he is NOT the big bad of this amusement park scam. Taking all of this into consideration, I think Fellow is very much complicit in the crimes committed in this event but likely not of his own free will. So far, from what we know about him and assuming Disney won't go as far as make him an irredeemable human trafficker (they might but I still find it unlikely), he reads like someone who is trapped in what we call a "Knebelvertrag" (literal translation: 'gag contract') in my language; i.e. an unequal and unfair contract aiming to (1) create a power imbalance between the victim and the party that benefits from the contract, (2) restrict the victim in their autonomy to make free decisions, (3) make it difficult for the victim to refuse entering the contract, (4) make it even more difficult for them to exit the contract and often (5) make them dependent on the contract.

My theory is that Fellow was one of the first people they trafficked and he is likely useful enough for his superiors to employ him rather than to give him the puppet treatment. He might have had to choose between working for them or being turned into a puppet and sold. He might be responsible for them sparing Gidel from the puppet treatment as well.

Fellow was likely poor and apparently never went to a school from the looks of it. He might have been an orphan or from a bad home and in general the prime victim for human trafficking: someone very few people would look for if he went missing. I suspect that the fact that they can now pull this shit with students from a prestigious school and famous people is due to Fellow's magic and is a development that only happened AFTER he started working there, which explains the recent spike in popularity of Playful Land and that no one investigated them despite all this.

I can imagine there being a lot of brainwashing from the superiors involved such as:

making him feel like he can't survive without this job

making him hate the children who come to Playful Land because they're these privileged people who have what Fellow could never have had growing up

making him believe he can't cut ties with Playful Land without like, the superiors finding him and taking him out of the picture

making him feel like no one would believe him if he asked for help

Again, this is all based on the assumption that he's gonna get a sad backstory like Rollo. The other option would be to make him our first irredeemable villain.

The topic of this event is way heavier and more serious than stripping people of their magic power; it's human trafficking, a horrifying crime that actually exists in our world and if they want to make Fellow someone we can sympathize with they're gonna have to give him one hell of a backstory. "He suffered a loss and is full of self-hatred or jealousy" isn't going to cut it this time. Having him suffer with the guilt about his actions isn't going to cut it this time. Because this is not a mentally ill 18-year-old who's taking people's magic away, this is a fully grown adult man working for a human trafficking scam.

THIS on the other hand is realistic. These circumstances are tied to the topic of human trafficking and this would make more sense as a backstory for Fellow than anything else I can come up with for now. Sure you have the kids who are being held hostage and sold but that's just one facet of the whole thing. Not every case of trafficking is a prisoner in a shady cellar. Some of them are people who are in exploitative contracts and coerced and feel like they can't leave without severely endangering their lives.

Not saying Fellow is a victim or a poor little meow meow because at this point we still have no idea where they'll go with the rest of the story, they might just make him petty and evil. But if they'll take the sympathetic route, this is what makes sense for me as his backstory without making it feel like he got off too easily or like the story excuses his behavior.

For all I know he could just turn out to be complicit in human trafficking because he never got any chances and thinks the privileged kids deserve this and we could just beat him up and throw him in prison but that'd be a first for this game.

Anyway, what do you guys think Fellow's backstory will be?

#twst spoilers #twst jp #stage in playful land #fellow honest #twst fellow #twisted wonderland #twst

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fandomcentralsstuff · 3 months

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Jujutsu Kaisen Incorrect quotes

Satoru: Wanted to let you know that I started seeing someone recently

Shoko: As in dating or hallucinations???

———

Nanami: Wouldn't it be great if in high school instead of the quadratic equation I had learned to love myself instead?

———

Panda: if i had a mood ring on right now it would fucking explode

———

Maki: If a man tells me a funny joke I wait until i get home to laugh

———

Suguru: Hmmm… I must admit I’m really attracted to men with power.

Satoru: REALLY? BECAUSE I JUST PAID MY ELECTRICITY BILL

———

Gojo: "Geto is problematic" i am sick and twisted. next.

Gojo: "Geto is irredeemable" god I hope so. I hope he gets worse.

——-

Nobara: INEED A HUGe sum of money

———

Satoru: hot girl summer is almost over! it's nearly time for rot girl autumn, we will be decaying with the trees!

Nanami, exasperated: We have curses to exorcise

———

Geto: Never let anyone ruin your day. Ruin theirs first.

———-

Gojo:Of course I support Gakuganji’s rights

Gojo: Gakuganji’s rights to shut the fuck up

———

Yutta: You look very beautiful today.

Maki: was I ugly yesterday?🤨

———-

Utahime: “you like to argue" no you say dumb shit and expect me to stay quiet

——-

Shoko: i'm sure that if you take this medicine and get plenty of rest, you'll feel better in a couple days ! :D

Gojo: bold of you to assume i'll even be ALIVE in a couple days because of this.

Shoko: ...Satoru you have a cold.

Gojo: IT MIGHT BE THE PLAGUE

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babydollmarauders · 10 months

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AUGUST PT 2 — QUINN HUGHES

quinn hughes x fem!reader

THIS IS A VERY LATE PART 2 TO THIS FIC

summary: in which y/n has been in love with Quinn for years and now she deals with the emotional consequences of a summer situationship.

specific lyrics: “you weren't mine to lose.” and “i can see us lost in the memory, august slipped away into a moment in time. 'cause it was never mine. and i can see us twisted in bedsheets, august sipped away like a bottle of wine. 'cause you were never mine.”

warnings: underage drinking

notes: this is almost five months late…. better late than never, right? ummm….. i hope y’all enjoy 🫣

**SEPTEMBER 21ST 2018**

the last week of this summer passed by in a blur. my final seven days being spent with Jack and his friends, and my nights being taken by his brother. i never did confess my feelings to Quinn, and as a result, i now sit back in my bedroom at home, watching snapchat stories of him at a party. my focus zeroes in solely on the girl clinging to his arm in the most recent picture. he wears a smile on his face and in the hand not occupied by the girl, he holds a generic red solo cup.

i have no right to feel jealous. to be so upset. he was never actually mine, no matter how much i wanted him to be. we were never exclusive. our rendezvous last month were just good times for him, and i knew that. so why did it still hurt? why did it still feel like my heart was broken?

i suppose i could chalk it up to the fact that he never clarified anything. he never outright admitted that our escapades meant nothing to him, but he also never said they meant anything either. however, they meant everything to me. they gave me hope that maybe he felt the same feeling that i’ve harbored for four years. but then he left with a simple ‘goodbye’.

i foolishly hoped that he would call me when he got back to school, that maybe he was just too nervous to say anything to my face, but now it’s 3 weeks later and the only Hughes’ i’ve heard from are his brothers. Jack texting me random updates of his life every day, and Luke and i speaking on the phone when i wished him a happy birthday earlier this month.

and i can’t make the excuse of ‘he’s busy.’ because i see him on social media, partying after wins and hanging out with friends between classes. he surely has enough free time to call me or even send a simple text. but, i suppose he doesn’t care to contact me because it never meant anything to him; and i guess he assumed it wasn’t anything to me either.

**NOVEMBER 16TH, 2018**

a glass of wine secured in my hand, i’m sat on the couch, scrolling through social media. my parents went out for a date night, leaving me with a house to myself for the night, and i’ve taken advantage by cracking open a bottle of wine and actually leaving my room. it wasn’t much, but i was relaxed. my thumb swipes over my phone screen, scrolling down my instagram timeline, and i stop at a picture of Quinn.

His arm is around a blonde girl’s shoulders as she hugs his waist, a small smile gracing his lips while she wears a large, toothy grin. it’s been months since i’ve last spoken with him, yet it doesn’t make it sting any less to see him with another girl. tears well in my eyes at the remembrance of his easy dismissal of me. the way that he left at the end of the summer with nothing more than a ‘bye.’

maybe it’s the adrenaline pumping through my veins, maybe the fact that i’m over feeling worthless over a guy, or maybe it’s the nearly entire bottle of wine that’s flushing through me right now; but i’ve finally had enough. swiping out of instagram, i scroll through my contacts until i find the one i’m searching for, my thumb hovering close over the call button but too hesitant to actually press it.

“this is stupid.” i mutter to myself, hanging my head. it’s in that moment that my dog decides to come over, sniffing me and nudging at the back of my phone, resulting in the tapping of the button. “shit!”

it’s too late now, the damage is done. he’ll get notified that i called him, regardless of if i were to hang up right now anyways, so i bring the phone up to my ear, listening to it ring. once. twice. a third time, before it connects.

“y/n? what’s up?” his voice is raspy and i wonder if i woke him. it’s only ten at night, but if i remember correctly, he has a game tomorrow, so it doesn’t surprise me that he would be asleep this early. i take a deep breath, mentally preparing myself for the words that need to be said.

“you’re a shitty person, you know that?” i surprise even myself with the anger that comes through with my words. my honest feelings being spoken.

“i’m sorry?” he sounds confused, but it’s not an actual apology, it’s more of an ‘excuse me?’ if anything.

“you heard me. you’re an asshole.” i tell him, rising to my feet to pace around my living room, my dog following me like a shadow. “i wish i had never met you.”

“okay, ouch, hold on, what did i do?” he questions. i hear shuffling in the background and i assume he’s sitting up in his bed now. “we haven’t even spoken in like, what? two and a half months?”

“exactly! that’s the problem!” i’m acutely aware that i’m raising my voice at this point, but i just don’t understand how he doesn’t see the issue with this.

“you’re mad at me because i haven’t talked to you lately? i still don’t understand.” i halt my pacing at his words, my dog bumping into the backs of my legs at my abrupt stop.

“i’m mad because you strung me along this past august. i’m mad because you left me with nothing but a simple ‘bye’. i’m mad because i’ve liked you for the past four years and then you didn’t even have the decency to explain to me whatever it was that we were doing this summer!” i huff. “i would’ve understood if you just told me it meant nothing to you. that you just wanted some action or whatever. but instead you didn’t tell me shit! you let me believe that maybe you liked me back. that maybe we could have been something. and then you just left me with radio silence and i have to see you on social media with girls hanging off of you and wonder if i just wasn’t good enough. that’s why i’m mad.”

Quinn is silent for a few moments, maybe holding out to see if i’m done, maybe gathering his thoughts, but it’s eerily quiet. but then as quickly as the silence started, it ends.

“y/n.” he sighs my name, sounding exhausted. “if i knew how you felt, i would’ve tried to define what we were doing. i wasn’t sure what was happening, just that i liked spending time with you and i liked being close to you.”

“being close to me? or fucking me?” i ask him.

“both, y/n/n. is that what you wanna hear?” he’s getting frustrated, i can hear it. “yes. i liked fucking you. and i liked being with you. just us two. i’m sorry that i didn’t call you, i thought that’s how you wanted it. but, i see now that i should’ve talked to you about it instead of assuming. i didn’t realize that what we were doing meant so much to you. but you could’ve ended it at any point.”

“why would you think i would do that? that i would end it? i’m literally telling you right now that i wanted more.” i heave out a breath, dropping back onto the couch and pulling my legs up to my chest. “Quinn, i just wanted you to call me. to say something, i don’t know! say you had fun this summer, say you can’t wait to see me next summer, say you like me, say you hate me, anything. just don’t go silent on me and make me think i’m insane for thinking you like me as much as i like you.”

“i’m so sorry, y/n.” he mutters, i quiet and slow. “i should’ve talked to you. i should’ve told you that i felt the same. i should’ve thought about how you were feeling and not just me. but now that i know, i’d really like to try.”

“you would?” i inquire, keeping my antsy fingers busy by picking at a stray string on my hoodie. “how?”

“maybe… maybe you could come to one of my games? and we could go out to eat afterwards?” he sounds unsure, like maybe he’s afraid i’ll say no.

“like a date?” i ask meekly.

“yeah,” Quinn chuckles and my heart picks up at the sound. i’ve always loved his laugh. “exactly like a date.”

i’m quiet, my bottom lip captured between my teeth, holding back a squeal.

“what do you think?” he pipes up again, once again seeming nervous.

“i think, i’d really like that.” i confess before burying my face in a throw pillow beside me, muffling my excited scream.

when i raise the phone back to my ear, Quinn is laughing; apparently the pillow didn’t cover as much of noise as i thought it would.

“next friday, i have a game against Wisconsin, does that work?”

“sounds perfect.” i grin, nodding my head, even though he can’t see me.

“okay, i’ll see you then?”

“i’ll see you then.” i confirm.

“goodnight, y/n/n. i can’t wait to see you.” he tells me and i repeat a ‘goodnight’ before we hang up.

i look down at my dog, who stares at me with his head tilted.

“Ollie, you are a matchmaker.” i coo, scratching behind his ears. his mouth drops open, his tongue falling out in content as i dote on him.

**November 23rd, 2018**

today is the day.

i spent all morning getting ready; my hair is done, my makeup perfected, and i tried on about six different outfits before my mother told me to stop worrying and just go.

and after a three and a half hour drive, in which i had to pull over twice to shake myself out and get my jitters out; i’ve pulled into Yost Ice Arena with 10 minutes to spare before the game starts.

Quinn and i have texted non-stop since we planned tonight, and he assured me last night on the phone, that there’ll be a ticket waiting for me at the front.

pulling the keys from the ignition, i grab my purse and do a once-over of my face in the rearview mirror before exiting the vehicle. stretching my legs, i make my way inside the arena, stopping to get my ticket before i head in towards the seating.

i’m sat towards the middle, a perfect view of the ice. my legs shake in anxiety as the crowd roars, the players filing on the ice and getting faceoff position.

it’s amazing how much i’ve learned about hockey in the past four years of knowing the Hughes’.

it’s a rather uneventful first period, neither team scoring. the second isn’t much better, Wisconsin scoring once mere minutes into the period, but that’s the only goal. Michigan ties it up in the third, with Quinn landing an assist on the goal, and i’m shaking in nervousness as i hope for a second Michigan goal. but it never comes.

moving onto overtime, neither team scores, resulting in a tie. but the teams still go on, starting a second overtime of three-on-three to determine who gets the extra point. it’s not even a minute into the second overtime when Quinn passes the puck to Josh Norris, who i’ve met once or twice at the lake house, and Josh lands the puck in the back of the net.

the crowd goes wild, me included, jumping up to our feet and cheering as the guys celebrate.

both teams file off of the ice relatively quick, and in result, the crowd begins to fan out. fans leaving the arena. but i stay back.

Quinn told me to meet him out front of the arena in half an hour, so i opt to lounge here for an extra few to kill time, scrolling through instagram and reading Jack’s texts; asking why i’m in Ann Arbor and if i plan to come see him before i leave. stupid Life360.

i call him rather than text, making my way out of the arena as he picks up.

“what are you doing in Ann Arbor?” he cuts straight to the point, not bothering with any catch up.

“well hello to you too.” i chuckle, rolling my eyes.

“yeah, yeah, hi. what are doing in Ann Arbor?” he repeats.

“i came to see Quinn’s game. i promise, i’ll come and see you tomorrow morning before i drive back home.” i assure him. “wait, are you even gonna be back from Illinois in the morning?”

“yeah, we’re on the bus back now.” he assures me.

“okay, good. i saw online that you got an assist! congrats bub!”

“thanks. we still lost though.” he tells me, his voice full of dejection.

“you’ll get ‘em next time!” i reassure, pacing outside Yost, pulling my jacket tighter to my chest to keep myself warm in the cool Michigan air.

“yeah.” he breaths. “so why are you at Quinn’s game?”

his tone is teasing, as though he doesn’t actually believe i’m here for Quinn.

“we’re going on a date.” i admit, preparing myself for his response.

“oooh! you’re finally getting out of the friendzone?!” he exclaims, and i can hear Trevor’s voice chime in from beside him, telling him to quiet down. which i find ironic, considering Trevor is ever the loud mouth.

“what?! you knew i liked him?!” i question, making him chuckle.

“uh, yeah. it was so obvious.” he replies through laughter. “i also know you were hooking up with him this summer. you weren’t very subtle.”

my jaw drops in astonishment.

“we were so subtle!” i shout, and i can hear Trevor piping up again on the other side of the phone.

“who? y/n and Quinn? oh yeah, everyone knew.”

“shut up, Zegras!” i yell, and i can hear both boys bark out in laughter.

“why didn’t you say anything?” i ask.

“who was i to say something, when you were trying so hard to keep it on the down low?” he teases.

i look up from my pacing feet when i hear footsteps, locking eyes with Quinn, who smiles at the sight of me, nearly taking my breath away.

“i gotta go.” i breath out, and Jack lets out an immature ‘oooooooh’

“have fun with my brother!” he calls out and i groan.

“shut up. i’ll see you tomorrow.” i sing, before hanging up.

“my brother?” Quinn questions, as if he already knows the answer.

“yeah.” i nod. “apparently, i found out, we weren’t as subtle as we thought, in August.”

“we were so subtle!” he exclaims, making me giggle.

“that’s what i said!” i tell him. his hand reaches out towards mine, and i anxiously intertwine mine with his. “so, where are we going?”

“there’s a really cute diner, about a fifteen minute walk from here.” he explains, as we begin walking. “i figured we could go there.”

“sounds perfect.” i breath out. his eyes are glued to the cement, watching his feet, but i watch him. “congrats on the assists! i know a tie wasn’t really the outcome you guys were hoping for, but it was a riveting game.”

he laughs, his head dropping back, and a bright smile overtakes my lips at the melodious sound dropping from his.

“babe, there were only two goals in a full hour of game play.” he reminds me.

“babe?” i question, and his hand tightens around mine for a second.

“yeah.” he shrugs, attempting to seem nonchalant, but i can tell by his face, when he turns to me, that he’s nervous. “you’re my girl now.”

“i’m your girl?” i smirk. “i like the sound of that.”

“me too.” he brings us to a halt, turning his body to mine.

his hand rises to cup my cheek, his face lowering to mine until our breaths mingle together. my eyes flutter shut, slowly, and the next thing i know, his lips are crashing against mine in a deep kiss.

and i know, in this moment, i’ll do anything to keep him. because now, he’s mine to lose.

#quinn hughes #quinn hughes x reader #quinn hughes imagine #quinn hughes blurb #quinn hughes fic #vancouver canucks #nhl fic #nhl blurb #nhl imagine #faithlynn’s writings <3

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slashingdisneypasta · 2 months

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Okay I'm gonna rant about my mum now, cuz I need to. Don't read under the cut if you don't wanna be dumped on!

This woman-- oh my God. Can I just list some of the things that have hurt me or frustrated me?? Okay. Yeah. Let's do that.

Never comforting me (or my brother) when we were little and scared. We were scared of dogs, which was 'inconvenient' to her since it meant we couldn't go to parks. I would literally bite my nail and skin down until I bled when we did and she'd just get annoyed with me like I ruined the day. (Dad did the same thing but has since sincerely apologised. I'm very inclined to think that it was her influence entirely- she has never apologised and when i brought it up one time she laughed it off like i'm being silly)

Constantly makes me feel dependent. And that is the worst thing to be in her mind-- but she won't change her opinion of me that I am?? Like??? The most recent example of this is that I decided I wanted to go back to school (**I** decided)... and then she made the whole thing about her 'pushing' me to do it. Like it was so hard to get me on track. How the fuck did she get to that? This was my decision!! I brought it up first!!

Also on that 'dependent' thing- I am independent to a f a u l t now because of her. For example, I don't care if it's hailing outside with gail force winds, something in me feels disgusted with myself if I accept a ride home.

Oh, more on that dependent thing! I remember going to an evening job interview one time and it was dark when I got out. I thought I could get home on my own so I started walking... turns out it was the wrong direction and I ended up in a very bad area, at night, crying uncontrollably outside a 7-11. She still wouldn't come get me (she was at her boyfriends place) and sent me an uber. There was a random goddam lady getting petrol who was kinder to me, asking if I was okay and offering me a ride home.

A very similar thing happened when I was even younger, 14-16. I got myself stranded in a bushy area and had to walk my ass home- in 35 degree heat, without shoes (cuz mine were so worn out the soles killed), with no water, back to the motherfucking suburbs.

OH! Another thing about her. After she and my dad split up, you know what I noticed??? My brother, sister and I got along so much better when we were with our dad and so much *worse* with mum. You know why?? Cuz she nutures catty behaviour, which is probably why she can't get along with her sister's or her mum. She's always talking to us about eachother behind our backs (I know she talks to me and my sister about my brother, and I know she talks to me about my sister, so I assume she's doing the same with our brother), she gibes us ugly little Looks when one of the others does something she doesn't like and that we 'talked about', and she gives away secrets we told her in confidence??? Like recently my brother was really sad so I asked HIM (I asked *him*) what was up and he said it was nothing- so clearly he didn't wanna talk about it. That's fine. And mum piped up saying pointedly to me that he doesn't have to talk if he doesn't want to (True, mum, thanks. I know that)... before telling me his girlfriend broke up with him as soon as he left the room. She did the same thing the last time he had a break up. And then she's also telling me shit about my sister I k n o w she wouldn't want me to know. This is why I don't tell her anything anymore.

And, of course, the pitting us against eachother. Just today she and I had a little argument (argument on her side. I was actually trying my fucking hardest to keep my voice soft and figure out the problem), and my sister comes up to her to give her money for her belly button piercing today. Mum snaps at her, like 'Why do I have to carry that??'. My sister gets defensive, because she's a teenage girl and I mean??? Wouldn't you??? Then my mum 'apologised' by saying '*sigh* sorry, your sister was just snapping at me for no reason'.

And ohhhhh. The guilt tripping. Especially about not getting to move in with her 'love' (This dude, Mark, who works with her. Everyone including my dad and her mother, my grandma, are pretty damn sure she was cheating on my dad with him). She always tells me 'it's because of you that I can't live with him.'.

And the whole thing with Mark is wierd on general??! She got with this man while he was in the middle of a very terrible divorce with his ex wife, who was saying he abused her and their 2 kids. FIRST of fucking all, I understand innocent until proven guilty... but she seemed immediately sure that the e x w i f e was a liar and was manipulating their daughter (who, by the way, has some very deep issues) into saying he did stuff to her? I don't understand why the hell you would jump to that conclusion.

P l u s- she's always taking my sister (the youngest of us. It goes Me (22), then my Brother (20 in June), then Her (16)) on trips with Mark without even telling my Dad?? Surely Dad should have been notified and given Vito power in a situation like this!??

(Luckily I think Mark is actually indeed pretty harmless. But still, none of this is really okay even so)

Small thing, but she has never ever asked me about my writing. She doesn't give a fuck, though she knows it's my Biggest Thing.

Oh, another small thing that gets under my nails. Her thinking I'm so fucking Silly for liking things. And not the good kinda silly- like I'm so dumb and ridiculous for my interests. Like, I'm sorry?? I'm sorry you have no hobbies, you horrible little woman?? I don't need to be patronised cuz I find a little joy in something.

Ughhhhhh she always disapproved of my sister, brother or I ever thinking about us being 'american' at all. Which is??? So ridiculous?? We're not, but our Dad is, and maybe he wanted to share some of his culture, his home, with us??? He moved all the way to the other side of the globe to be with her and this is how she repays it??? We also don't really know our family on that side, we never got phone calls or anything. And I feel like my mum should have encouraged that. So should my Dad have, yes definitely (he's not perfect), but I have a feeling she never supported it. She doesn't even support us seeing her family.

Ohhhh my God. The cleaning. She goes into these hours long Outbursts where she has to clean e v e r y t h i n g in the house, and she's mad at us for letting it get untidy, and if she sees you you're in danger because she's gonna snap at you and make you feel terrible. I now go into the same state every now and then- though I just put my earplugs in and don't speak to anyone.

Ah. And the fat shaming. That's always fun 🙄😒 My sister is so skinny without trying, which is not her fault and good for her- but I have my grandma's hips and larger breasts (I know it's immature to go ha ha mum you're flat chested and I have tits but lool honestly it's cathartic), and that comes with a little belly and wider thighs. That doesn't mean I'm fat. I'm goddamn beautiful, shut up. And I'm tired of feeling terrible about how I look because of her.

... There's more, but I'm losing steam and just getting sad. So I think my job is done for now, thank you for listening.

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kaleeatinghoe · 4 months

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GREGSTOPHE HEADCANONS!!!

(+individual)⚠️ocd and very small blood mention (just to be safe)

recently ive been obsessed with them i need to make headcanons it’s a requirement

first of all, gregory was never secretive about his feelings,,. he would call chrisophe “darling” and “my dear” but christophe somehow didn’t realize that this was romantic (??) and thought that was just how he spoke.

everybody assumed they already had something going on, until gregory started loudly monologuing about his love and how he had “longed to profess” his love.,, christophe was absolutely taken aback, but nobody else gave a fuck

gregory is definitely a theater kid in a way. he joined the drama club at school, and was absolutely disgusted at how bad everyone’s acting and how they didn’t put their entire heart and soul into a school play.

he also convinced christophe to join tech crew. (maybe i make a comic??:0)

sometimes christophe disappears for days at a time and hes just like somewhere around like in a random field or walking down the road,, and he doesn’t sleep much. hes just out all night doing random stuff

gregory speaks french and he’ll monologue in french occasionally and very theatrically and christophe is just there sick of this shit

they both just crawl into each others houses through the window(especially christophe) while the other is sleeping. gregory keeps his window open and christophe has crawled in and woken him up at some ungodly hour because there was something unescessary that he insisted had to be done and couldn’t wait until daylight.

he also somehow just knows extremely specific details about people and businesses that he pulls out of nowhere whenever they are plotting against them

oh and he definitely knows all about tweek bros,, and has planned to expose them

gregory once kissed ze mole in a very theatrical way. he would do some kind of speech and make it look straight out of a shakespeare play,, and time it right before he leaves abruptly. and christophe is like shocked and also cringing because gregory is such a fucking theater kid and while what he did was rlly sweet.., it’s like dude

gregory is a bit germaphobic and takes hygiene extremely seriously. he washes his hands before and after he eats, and showers atleast once a day. he may have ocd which causes him to wash his hands like 57 times a day giving him super dry hands (js like me with my ocd fr) so he constantly puts lotion on his hands

christophe is kinda the opposite. he has normal hygiene like he doesn’t fail to wash his hands after taking a shit but he will also forget to shower for weeks. he just kinda forgets so he has gregory remind him every so often “have you showered this week?” also he is really dirty all the time and tracks dirt and mud a lot. gregory makes him take his shoes off before coming inside

overall christophe doesn’t take very good care of himself., mostly because he forgets, partly because he doesn’t gaf. gregory on the other hand, gets severe anxiety if he forgets one step of his routine, or forgets to eat, or loses track of time and goes to sleep too late,, he is very concerned for his wellbeing and physical / mental health,, a bit to much to the point where it affects his mental health a little bit

ALSO CHRISTOPHE HAS FUCKING BUSTED UP HANDS from like digging and stuff,, his nails are just caked with dirt even after he washes his hands. bro cannot wear white clothes without them getting stained

gregory also has busted up hands sometimes because when his ocd gets really bad and he washes his hands like crazy,, and he forgets to put lotion on his hands crack and bleed. (js like me omg)

okay,, i wanna do more but i can do a sequel. if u want me to do any particular character(s) or ship(s) my ask box is always open!! ;D

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dykeferatu · 8 months

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hi... i hope you dont mind this but u should talk about taeho and parker.... deathly curious. what're both of their general deals? ik taeho is a tzimisce but not much else otherwise :^)

OF COURSE I DON'T MIND!! i dont think anyones ever just asked me to explain my ocs i usually just babble about them and i assume everyone just goes "who the hell are they talking about" and moves on. unless they are my fwiends who i'm insane abt ocs with on the reg. anyway, thank u so so much for asking!! infodump commences

i'll start with parker because she hasn't had any session yet so her lore is not deep, and since at least one other player will likely read this i can't quite reveal all the fun bits yet! here's the only drawing i have atm. subject to change but this is the vibe

parker (she/her) is a 21 year old skater chick (and lesbian) in the year 2007. she recently had an experience that turned her onto the path of a hunter. one of her friends was attacked by Something a few nights ago. she hit the thing with a bat (she used to play softball :D) but it didn't seem to phase it. at one point when she was checking out the crime scene, she ran into... her old high school english teacher. the victim was 18 and a current student of his, and he was curious about the incident too.

the two teamed up on their investigation and met an occult bookstore owner who took interest and told them she might know a guy who can help. all 4 of them will meet up for the first time in the first session on saturday :>

----

now, taeho..... taeho taeho. shim taeho (he/she) is a south korean cybernetics expert in the year 2077 (so many sevens in these years. that's a coincidence). she was a cybernetic designer/engineer i guess? i don't really know cyberpunk i'll be honest with u. she was also a back-alley ripperdoc. you can only understand so much about cybernetics without installing them yourself :)

(art courtesy of @cradlingsongs)

she made some great achievements in her field, which attracted the attention of a tzimisce, jaeyoon (they/them). jaeyoon was interested in figuring out the mechanics of cybernetics on kindred, so they embraced taeho to be both a lab partner and a guinea pig. they also didn't let taeho leave the haven often because the camarilla was not welcoming to them. he'd only ever fed on their vitae until recently. no hard feelings, though! taeho loves her sire (why yes, he is Mega Blood Bonded, why do you ask?).

their main project together has been developing some sick doc ock tentacles by combining vicissitude and cybernetics. taeho has 2 currently installed. she's a beast with them in combat and it's a delight (when the dice don't hate me...)

anyway, after about 8 years of being holed up with his sire, the city they reside in was attacked by the SI. jaeyoon didn't come home, and taeho was left all alone. she waited, but eventually he knew he had to leave. she fled to the nearby city of seoul.

since it was his understanding that a tzimisce weren't really allowed in the camarilla, taeho decided to masquerade as another clan. and what other clan should she choose but the fucking tremere? look. he knows he has very nerdy energy so she figured she could blend in. plus, he was very curious about blood sorcery. could never quite figure out all that koldunic stuff.

since then she's been eating shit as a cammie scrub in a coterie of other scrubs (or, originally other scrubs. some players have rotated out and now half the coterie is much better off than taeho and the other refugee in the coterie). shenanigans have ensued, most notably for him when he got trapped into a marriage with a changeling that ended in a very messy divorce. uh. taeho may have been marked by the changeling relative that escaped the blood bath. it's fine.

i also have to include that this particular chronicle is, honestly, very horny. which is a lot of taeho's fault (but not entirely... *side-eyes lavender and her regnant*). for some reason his autistic swag is so strong that she has gotten laid THRICE since we started playing. none of the other pcs have done that even once... you'd probably expect the mafia girlboss or the sexy lasombra who takes every opportunity to take his shirt off to be pulling more, but you'd be wrong.

in recent events: a couple sessions ago taeho reunited with her sire! he cried like a baby, finally got to do some fleshcrafting (she had been feeling very trapped in this form... had a bit of a gender crisis. he's still figuring out exactly what's going on in that regard but hey the egg has definitely cracked, hence the new set of pronouns), and then had some. fun times. with her beloved sire. unfortunately, due to reasons, he can't stay with them. also they've been cursed somehow so taeho has to figure that out now. it's fine.

more recent events: taeho's regent/mentor seems to be reaching his limit on tolerating taeho's secretiveness. he's known that taeho has been lying about her clan since, like, almost the start. this regent is a very unusual tremere, and didn't immediately reveal taeho. in fact, he didn't even force taeho to tell him anything. he had already decided to take him under his wing, so that was that.

last session though he got a little fed up with the lack of trust. taeho tried to counter with some rumors he'd heard about the regent, expecting to weasel out, but instead the regent just laid out his whole tragic backstory to her. taeho didn't know how to respond to this, and also still couldn't tell the tremere regent that he was a tzimisce while they were in the middle of a chantry. she felt really bad about not telling the truth, which is weird and fucked up. why does he feel so bad about hurting this tremere??

i think i've said all the important stuff and then some, so i'll wrap it up. ahh.. taeho.... i love her. he's so fun to play. her game has already been going for over a year i think but only recently did he really click in my head. and boy. boy oh boy did he click. dug her cybernetic claws into the folds of my brain. i'm in pain. anyway i have some more art and posts in her tag if u want to check that out wehehehe

#inbox #THANK YOU AGAIN FOR ASKING ANON ILY #oc: parker #oc: taeho #chronicleposting #chronicle: eye for an eye #chronicle: cmnd & cntrl

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stevetonyweekly · 2 years

Text

SteveTony Weekly - November 13th

Welcome back! I'm very late and I apologize for that--this weekend has been pretty busy and I forgot to plan ahead for the rec list.

***Marks my recent favorites

~*~

Resolved by FestiveFerret

Okay. He just had to approach it like a mission. Objective: Kiss Tony Stark at midnight.

Safe & Sound by Captain_Panda

Tasked with retrieving missing aliens from another world, Steve and Tony must do the unthinkable:

Pose as a couple.

Always Yours by FestiveFerret

Tony rubbed his tongue against the roof of his mouth, trying to imagine he was scratching the itch on his upper thigh instead. He subtly shifted his weight from left to right, keeping his hand resting on the hilt of his sword. It was hot in full plate mail, but these sorts of political meetings always called for a complete display of power, which included Tony's fanciest armour.

Tony flicked his eyes to each of the hall's five entrances in turn, checking for anything unusual, but there was no movement besides the Duke's hand gestures as he droned on and on about water management. Tony drew his gaze back to the man he was charged with protecting and caught King Steven muffling a yawn with one hand. It was a good thing Tony's face was covered by his helmet or his delighted grin would be visible to all. He had no idea how Steve kept his poker face through all of this.

Tony's thigh continued to itch.

A Diamond Where The Star Would Be by msermesth

Steve works up the courage to return something to Tony.

a love like an old home by Rowantreeisme

Iron Man goes missing. Tony Stark hasn't been heard from in days.

A package shows up at the mansion's doorstep.

Inside it, there's a videotape with Avalon written on the side and a note stuck to the top that says, "watch me first."

We Built Our Own by KandiSheek

Tony honestly didn't expect to wake up again after saving the love of his life in the Red Zone. But when he does, Steve is there. And he has an important question.

try a little tenderness by parkrstark

Steve wasn’t right for Tony. He wasn’t enough for him, Steve knew this since he had fallen in love with him in middle school. But no matter how helplessly in love with Tony he was, he never considered himself a jealous person.

Not until he met Tiberius Stone.

turn up the faders by orphan_account

It starts not long after you wake up. You feel it under your skin like needles, like someone is setting fire to your flesh, your nerves, your blood.

Lie de Thé (Memory Serves Me) by docdracula

There is a man.

And

You love him.

How could you not?

his type by storiesfortravellers

Steve's de-serumed and worries that Tony doesn't find him attractive any more.

With an appearance by Tony's porn collection.

Good Enough by nowalee

Watching Tony flirt with yet another person is maybe making Steve a little bit jealous. Or a lot. Luckily, Natasha is there to give him some harsh truths and offer advice.

Or, Steve is jealous, Tony is insecure, and Natasha is done with them.

Worth It by AshitaNewssnoopy

When Steve said he wanted to court Tony, he assumed that he just meant that he wanted to take thing slow. And that was fine by Tony. No really, he could do this thing if that's what Steve needed (shut up, Pepper; he so could). Because Steve was worth the wait.

But then the gifts started coming and the letters popped up and there were chaste kisses and romance and...and what is even with this? Just when did his life turn into a romance novel?

Even Iron Bends by MusicalLuna

Steve's been in Washington over a week.

Tony Stark Defense Squad (Steve's Had Enough) by orbingarrow

The Avengers are called in by the government to "discuss" recent events, but it turns into a game of Let's Bash Tony and Steve is so not cool with that.

Or, the one where Steve Rogers makes himself the President of the Tony Stark Defense Squad. Matching t-shirts to come later.

The Fear of Consequences by drifloon

It really isn't a problem. Then one day, Tony looks at Steve and thinks, shit. It might be mutual.

driving with my eyes closed by nanasekei

Steve deals with discomfort after losing the serum. Tony helps.

Oversight by ShyOwl

It really wasn’t Steve’s fault that no one knew he was an omega.

They say love is pain, well darling, let's hurt tonight by Moonlight511

Basically just Steve and Tony being insecure before finally talking to each other..

I'll Give You Gifts Until You Know My Name by Amuly

Mr. Stark is an extravagant gift-giver: he has the money for it, after all. As Iron Man, Tony has the opportunity to gift Steve even more presents that, while less expensive, are more heartfelt. Having a secret identity means Tony gets to have his cake and eat it too when it comes to showering Steve with presents.

Until Steve starts developing feelings for his armored companion, and all the benefits of living a double life are turned on their head for Tony Stark.

#Stevetony weekly #stevetony #stony #fic #fic rec #stony fic #stony fic rec #iron man #captain america #steve rogers #tony stark

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punkchestnuts · 2 years

Text

the product of immense work, part 3 chapter 10

It’s been a few weeks since Hilal left.

He hasn’t received any messages from her since that one time she texted him she got to land safely. She also did text him that she won’t be messaging a lot since she’ll be busy settling down. He understands, but that doesn’t make him miss her any less, and doesn’t make him think of her any less. In fact, it feels like he never goes an hour without thinking of her.

They haven’t talked about the kiss, and he hasn’t told anyone about it. Hell, he hasn’t completely processed it either if he were to be completely honest with himself. He keeps zoning out, reliving the moment in his head, and he’s not the only one who’s noticed it.

Ali Kemal is giving him shit over it and keeps making attempts to make Leon tell him. His co-workers at work keep asking if he’s okay or if he’s feeling sick.

(In a way, he is. He wants to slap himself for being this bad.)

The fall semester had just started and Leon is back on his cubicle. He’s busy updating himself on a few reading materials when Carrie drops by the faculty room. His initial thought was that Tevfik probably has another task for him until Carrie hands him an envelope. He sees a stamp from Greece and assumes it’s from his mother.

“Thank you, Carrie,” he smiles at her and she nods in acknowledgement.

He sets the reading material aside and looks at the envelope. It’s odd though, because there isn’t a return address on the envelope. Only his name and the school address are written there, but he recognizes the handwriting almost immediately.

He opens it and finds a postcard of a familiar picture of the Parthenon. He flips the card over and sees Hilal’s name in Greek.

Here’s your postcard. Now go call your mother, Telemachus.

--Hilal

Leon laughs. She’s in Athens and he should’ve seen that coming. Of course, she’s there. Why else would she be learning Greek? Why else was she so secretive about where she’s going? And oh, his mother has been quiet recently. She doesn’t text him as much to remind him to call. He’s willing to bet she knows that Hilal is there.

He takes the postcard with him when he leaves for a more private area. He does the math and he knows it’s relatively early in Athens still. He calls his mother and she answers the phone at the first ring as usual.

“Leonidas,” she greets with a tone so heavy with knowing.

“Mitéra,” he greets with the same tone. “Is Hilal with you?”

His mother laughs. “Of course, you only call if it’s about Hilal! I feel very loved, Leon!”

“Mitéra, you know I love you and I won’t have it any other way, but can you please pass the phone to Hilal if she’s there with you.”

“Of course she’s with me. I’m cooking her dinner since I haven’t done so for my own son in years.”

“Mitéra!” he borderline whines.

“Entáxei oraía!” his mother laughs and he hear her call out Hilal’s name. “I have to admit, my heart breaks a little that I’m not the only woman in your heart, kamari mou.”

“What are you talking about, Mitéra? I’m not the only man in your heart either!”

She only tuts and there’s silence for a while.

“Leon?”

Hilal.

It’s like breathing a fresh air hearing her voice again.

“You could’ve just told me you were going to Athens,” is the first thing he says.

She chuckles. Good God. How does she sound so perfect even through phone?

“Where’s the fun in that?”

“You do realize I’m going over there the next free opportunity I get?”

“How horrible of you! You haven’t visited your mother in years and here you are thinking of visiting just because I’m here!”

“Okay, maybe I’ve been a bad son in that regard, but that’s not stopping me for flying there to see you. Both of you.”

There’s someone talking in the background and he bets it’s his mother. Hilal laughs. “Your mother told me to tell you that if you are staying, you better for a month or else she’s disowning you and adopting me instead.”

“That’s enough time to spend time with my two favorite people,” he says, already planning on how take a leave from work and what’s going to happen to his classes. “And there will be no disowning or adopting happening!” he says loudly, hopefully his mother can hear.

“Your mother just rolled her eyes,” Hilal adds with another laugh. “She just misses you.”

“And what about you? Do you miss me?”

Hilal chuckles. “You’re not getting an answer out of me.”

“That’s not fair, it’s an easy question.”

“Like I said, where’s the fun in that?”

“You don’t make it easy, do you?”

“Hmm, why don’t you come here and find out?”

He will.

…

End.

…

#vatanim sensin #wounded love #hilal x leon #hileon #hilal #leon #ao3 #ao3fic #fanfiction #fanfic #crossposted on ao3

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yes0another0outsiders0blog · 5 days

Text

Hey, I'm infodumping about my oc, hope y'all don't mind...

When I was in middle school and was first made to read The Outsiders, I was REALLY going through some shit and I was a HARDCORE fandom girlie (gender neutral) for escapism reasons. I don't even remember this OCs old name or 90% of their story, but I've decided recently that I wanted to completely revamp them because I'm in a weird mental state lately and I'm into the book again, so I might as well.

This is gonna be a long post, I'm GETTING INTO IT with how my mental state and age affected how I made this OC and how I, as a more media literate and experienced adult, redid the same character to better reflect how I am/see things now. I don't expect people to read this. Again, I just wanted to infodump about a VERY old OC. So, let's get into it!!

WARNING : this post includes heavy talk of depression, undiagnosed autism, and home issues, and light mention of personality disorders, eating disorders, and sexual abuse

[divider by v6que]

The Origins :

In middle school, I was already pretty deeply into the extreme burnout and severe depression that would follow me on and off until now. Maybe for the rest of my life. Around the time that my class read The Outsiders, it was not really early on into me having mental illness but it probably was the first time that it got really bad. Something that's frequent enough to deal with now, but back then I didn't know how to cope. One of the only ways that I really could was through escapism and maladaptive daydreaming (something I still struggle with, albeit in a far healthier manner than I did back then), so when the teacher brought out those books I latched on STRONG. It became a quick special interest, far before I knew what a special interest even was. So, of course I threw myself into the story INTENSELY.

I think this oc was partially self insert and partially pure Mary Sue. I was probably about 12 and I just so desperately wanted to have perfection. I was also starting to exhibit the very first signs of NPD at that time, though personality disorders like that are tricky to accurately see in anyone that young. My delusions of grandiose and need to see myself in positions of success and power were strong, even for someone at that age, so I tended to imagine myself as characters that could achieve that perfection and control.

All I remember about this OC for certain is that they were 18, from New York, had a SUPER tragic backstory but was also SUPER rich (like, I think I actually looked up the richest person in the 60s and gave this OC an extra .2 mil if I'm remembering correctly), and that they bought an abandoned mansion that they were rebuilding basically all by themself. Yes, this tragic millionaire did have insane DIY skills and know how to build houses. Don't ask why.

On top of that, I can assume a lot about how the original OC was based on how I know I was at the time. I'm pretty sure I very intentionally made them 18 so that they could be in some weird poly relationship (not saying poly people are weird, I'm poly, I'm saying that I made it weird and none of these people would be in the same polycule) with basically everyone, because the age gaps didn't seem much to a child. I wanted to be loved, due to fandom and shipping culture and being at the age that you start to explore romantic relationships I only saw value in romantic love at the time, I didn't feel loved in any way back then so I wanted this version of me to have it all. They were probably some flavor of nonbinary, but I don't quite remember which one. This was around the time that I had just started questioning my gender, so I probably played with that a lot with this character. Their tragic backstory almost certainly included SA, a lot of my stuff does to this day if I'm writing specifically to cope because it's a part of my life that I think about a lot. Super short-lived (which I will forever be thankful for), but something that I wonder about the long-term issues of a lot, so I do play with it when I create characters a lot. Also, I was emo as FUCK and thought I was SO edgy, so they honestly might have been an assassin. They probably killed at least a few people, but I'm really assuming I made them an assassin because I thought it'd be super badass. Could be wrong, I don't remember well enough, but I really wouldn't doubt it. Most of my OCs were assassins back then. I still make a lot of assassins, but I at least try to make it make sense in the media I'm making things for, lol.

Cherry Picking :

When I got back into The Outsiders, and the nostalgia that goes with it, I was reminded of them. And I knew I wanted to play around with them again in some way, but I didn't really know how because they were just... so poorly made, tbh. I didn't remember anything, but everything that I did remember was TRASH. But if I was going to revamp this old OC, I wanted enough of them that I could really connect the two instead of just making a new character completely. So, what did I want to keep? I'll be honest, this character is *mostly* a just-for-me OC. I'm not writing fic or roleplaying with them, so I did keep a little cringe in for the nostalgia. If this was a character that I made with posting them frequently in mind I'd have made them properly well written, I just fixed them enough that I can personally stomach them as a more experienced writer and person.

The biggest part of this OC was the abandoned/run-down house that they bought and fixed up. This was a not-so-subtle symbol for me taking care of and fixing my personal broken state of mind. I felt empty and hollow and like I was falling apart, I felt personally connected to things that were empty and hollow and falling apart (still do), this house is me. It is still my biggest dream to buy a completely unlivable old house and make it into a home. This is especially important, I feel, when the book has such an emphasis on community and the bonds between the characters. If I'm making my OC the center of this story I've made for myself, then it makes sense for the house to be the center of it all. A house that they can invite these people into to help build up (to help build up their life, to invite people into their life... yay symbolism!!), it's a solid theme that is super important to the character, so I think it is completely necessary to carry over into this new version.

I also kept them being super rich but troubled. I turned the heat down on that a LOT, but it's still there. I just like the idea of it, and it also makes sense for how they could buy this house after just arriving into a new place after freshly turning 18. Instead of making them literally the richest person in the world, I made them grow up solidly upper class. Like, they could probably make fun of a Soc for being a broke bitch, their father was hanging out with huge CEOs and such, etc. but there's still SA (because I still use this OC for coping and escapism and power-fantasies, don't worry about it), there are a lot of mommy issues (because I have mommy issues), there is other trauma there. Their parents die when they're in their early teens (older than it use to be, but "edgy rich orphan" use to be my favorite trope and I really went hard with it so I can't really untangle it from this character without changing everything), they mainly delt with really questionable relatives after that (I was also into aSoUE back then, can you tell?), but when they got their inheritance at 18 they pretty instantly went "you know what, screw you all, I don't need this!! I can make it just fine on my own, I don't need ANY 'help'!!" (*cough* while using daddy's money *coughcough*) and dipped, which is how they ended up in Tulsa. When I was little, I gave it to them without issue, but now that mentality fucks them HARD.

I also took them out of that weird "everyone is in love with and dates them" situation, but I did pair them with Dallas. I think I could have not paired them at all or went with someone else and it would be more realistic maybe, but this was a little treat to young me, lol. I was obsessed with this man (still am, but in a different way), so I think it would be a good little call-back to the time when I made this OC that I so desperately wanted to be. This is weird past wish fulfillment, nothing more.

The Changes :

Obviously, I made an ass-ton of changes.

First of all, the house isn't a mansion anymore, it's a 3-bedroom. And she doesn't magically fix it all on her own. She is really stubborn on wanting to do things herself, a LOT of it is done with friends, it is mostly DIY. Again, the house stands for community and letting people in and fixing yourself and letting loved ones help fix you and asking for help. But sometimes you need a professional, yeah? She doesn't know how to do everything, she's so determined to learn and *CRAVES* a level of independence, being sheltered and not knowing things is a sore subject for her and she wants to know how to do... EVERYTHING. But she doesn't, especially at the start.

I really wanted to give her a sense of confusion with this new world she's in. She's absolutely a little spoiled rich girl, and sometimes she acts like it. She just doesn't *understand* the world. She comes from such a wildly *different* world, and frankly she didn't even understand that one. The original OC could adapt to anything, this one is alien in every situation. For the same reason, honestly, I'm autistic. And I grew up feeling so alien and not understanding any situation I was put it. When I was younger, I felt power in making characters that didn't have my shortcomings. Now, I want a character that IS alien and confused and doesn't understand the world around her AT ALL and I want her to have a support system and people who will tell her when she's being naieve and people who will love her anyway. I think she still adapts REALLY well, she's autistic-coded as well, and she masks a lot. She's good at mimicking people, she can get over the initial shock of things and empathize decently and learn really fast when she puts her mind to it (at risk of burnout, though), she asks questions and wants to get better with things. But she's human.

Also, as you can probably tell by the change of pronouns in this section, I made her more fem. It makes sense in the setting. Not saying that nonbinary people weren't around in the 60s AT ALL, but it was less of a known thing and I feel like she would be content enough with being read as a woman (though might see gender roles a bit different, again, just due to having atypical world views that can come with autism). It was important that my OC was nonbinary at the time because I was just coming into questioning my own gender, but now I'm more confident and don't have as much of a need for all of my characters to be tools in that.

Wren :

So, I named her Wren. And she's still my dear little trauma buddy.

Her home, specifically.

This is what I base it off of, btw!

The porch is a sunroom, and I absolutely did no research on if this would be appropriate to shove in Slightly Outside of 1960s Tulsa, Oklahoma. It's my dream home, the home is literal symbolism for my soul in my little coping fantasy, so whatever.

Wren is 19 (18 when she ran away, 19 by the time that I'm usually daydreaming about her story), and it takes place about 8 months(ish?) after The Outsiders takes place but in an AU where none of the events from the story actually happens.

She has the kind of attitude of "I'm going to make it on my own" but also uses her fat inheritance to do so. She does get a job waitressing at a local diner the second she gets to Tulsa and lives out of a cheap motel until she can get the house to a livable state. Her thought process is mostly "I can use my inheritance/savings on investments (like the house), but I want to prove that I can live off of my own earnings day-to-day" and it is a STRUGGLE. Totally slips up, but it's a HUGE learning curve to learn to live within your means. Also, considers buying things for her friends an investment in their relationships, she will spoil any of her buddies in a SECOND, super generous to those she loves even if it blows through her entire inheritance, she wants the people she loves to know that they are loved and cared for. She meets a few members of the gang at the diner, basically becomes obsessed with them (anyone else with autism and/or a personality disorder just get REALLY into the most random people ever for no reason?), and the friendships and relationships evolve from there.

A huge thing about her is that she's super nice but, like, by choice. Was raised to be hateful, was bullied and verbally/mentally abused enough to be bitter, was sheltered to the point of ignorant harm, constantly fighting against her first thought when met with something new. But she so desperately wants to be kind and understanding, so she genuinely puts EVERYTHING into learning how. She's not a good person sometimes, but by god is she TRYING. Because, uh, me. I'm just low-empathy, though, not super wealthy. Lol.

It's a ton of unlikely friends, seeing different parts of the world, growing up type shit in her story.

There's also comfort because I have disordered eating and I want comfort. I have depression and angry, violent meltdowns and really bad memories and I want comfort. Fight me, the purpose of this OC is the same after all these years.

This a doodle of her!!

Again, long ass post that I only made for myself. I only made her for myself period. She's a therapeutic tool for me, mostly. She's just taken up a lot of my mind lately because, uh, I've been using that tool. I'll be okay eventually, I'm just not right at this second and I wanted to share MY GIRL while I was thinking about her.

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love-advice-on-call · 15 days

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Hello! I hope you're having a good day.

I don't know if this is the right place to ask about this type of relationship but I recently got into a queer platonic relationship and I need some help.

About four months ago I asked my best friend if she wanted to be in a qpr with me. I've been friends with her for 17 years; we grew up together, went to school together, our siblings were born at the same time, we've been planning to live together after we graduate college for almost two years now, and her parents have said multiple times that my sister and I are basically their kids at this point. For the last three or four years, I've also had a squish (platonic crush) on her and have been dreaming about our life together. I was terrified when I finally asked her if she wanted to be in a qpr but she was really excited about it. She also thought we were already in one tho which was a bit embarrassing lol I was absolutely over the moon after

A few days later, we called to actually define it a bit more concretely. She said I could call her my partner but she would prefer to continue calling me her best friend. Which is an accurate label, I am her best friend, but doesn't feel like the same status as I'm giving her. She said the reasoning for this was because she's interested in also perusing a romantic partner and calling me her partner would be confusing/off putting for people. Which makes sense but it still hurt. She also said that if on the slim chance she does find a serious long term romantic partner, she would live with them after graduation instead and wouldn't want me living with them because it would be too many adults in the house. I tried to play it cool but I was very hurt by this; like I said earlier, we've been planning to live together after school for several years but she would give that up for a romantic partner. I don't feel romantic attraction so she is all I have and it feels like she's not valuing our relationship or commitment (i mean 17 years???) bc it's platonic. I was so upset about this that I thought abt breaking up w her for a few days. I knew it was a stupid rash decision tho even as I was thinking abt it and I'm very glad I didn't. It would be dumb to give up years of yearning a few days into a relationship over a hypothetical romantic partner who doesn't even exist right now.

I was also very surprised at myself and my reaction. I always assumed that if I did ever get into a relationship, it would be a poly one; they just made more sense to me. Now that my partner having other partners is actually an option tho I feel very jealous and angry. It may be because I'm not actually polyamorous like I thought I was or it might be because I haven't seen her in so long and I'm jealous of the people who get to see her all the time. We're going to school across the country from each other and she's fully moved out so she lives there even during the summer. I can count on one hand the number of times I've seen her in the last two years so the idea of her having a partner that gets to see her every day isn't my favorite thing lol I've got two more years of school, she's got three (she's doing a nursing program so it takes longer), neither of us own a car or even know how to drive, and we're too broke/busy for plane tickets... so it's going to be a while until I can see her again

She's talking to a boy rn. They've went on five dates in abt the last two months but then he suddenly started ghosting her abt three weeks ago. I know I shouldn't be happy abt it but when she told me I was. I haven't told her that tho; I've been listening to her vent and trying to offer advice and be supportive even tho I have no experience w that

I miss her so much. I want to kiss her and buy her gifts and cook for her even tho she's got almost every eating restriction under the sun and I can't cook for shit and I want to take care of her cat even tho I hate cats and when she calls me it brightens my day and I want to keep track of her doctor appointments and take our meds together and I want to live with her and I want to marry her. I don't want to break up. And I know that I'm getting way ahead of myself (it's only been four months for christs sake, why am I thinking abt marriage???) and to avoid future problems I should probably tell her how I'm feeling -not abt her current romantic drama but abt her romantic pursuits in general- but I'm very nonconfrontational and don't know how to go about it. Any advice on how to broach this subject w her would be very appreciated

Hello, I’m having a good day and this is the right place to ask!

I understand that there is a difference in the status you’re giving her vs what she is giving you, however it would be good to note how a platonic relationship is viewed in general sense. Which is a relationship without sexual or romantic feelings. If those feelings start to develop, then we begin to venture outside of the definition of a platonic relationship. I understand get that a PQR can be something “more than friends,” but for your partner, she may not view a PQR the same way you do. I think part of her wanting to stick to having the best friend label is that a best friend is strictly platonic without a restriction of commitment. That could be why she said you already were in one since from her perspective, you two are already best friends which is a type of platonic relationship.

I want to say I get being hurt by her possibly going to live with someone else if she met them. Like you two have been planning this for a long time so I get that. But from her perspective, she hasn’t really seen you that much in the past two years and housing is kind of a big issue for a lot of folks. It is often easier to find housing with someone if they are physically around more so she may need to keep her options open just to ensure she has a roof over her head at the end of the day.

So in regards to your question: you are aromantic, but your partner is not, and she is looking for someone who is giving her romance which is why she’s dating despite being in the PQR. It’s why it may be unfair to your partner to tell her how to handle her romantic pursuits since you two are looking for different things . Trying to change that for her just isn’t going to work because it doesn’t match what she wants in her life. I just view this as a differing in relationship goals unfortunately.

I think it would be good to consider a couple of things, for one how you view the definition of a QPR versus how your partner views a QPR and to take sometime to think about what it is you’re looking for in a relationship.

For the QPR, I think it would be good to talk to your friend to see what you guys view a PQR as because it may be helpful to get that in the air and discuss what the expectations are for that. Maybe your partner views it differently than you and actually doesn’t want to be in a PQR. Maybe your parter views it the same way and you can then take the time to talk to them and let them know what you would like and see if they would be willing to follow up with that.

In regards to thinking about what you want: I’m not the person to be defining things for you since you are the one who knows yourself the best. However, I will say through your ask you’ve said a couple of things that seemed to indicate that you could be looking for something else than a platonic relationship or poly. Things like marriage, kissing, and asking them not to date anyone, these are usually qualities of a monogamous romantic/sexual relationship from my perspective. It definitely sounds like poly isn’t right for you since you will have to be okay with your partner going on dates with other people so I recommend taking some time to write down for yourself what an ideal relationship looks like.

So it sounds like you are still figuring out things for yourself and what you want given that you were surprised by your reactions and based on how you talk about your partner. I think it would be good to figure out “why” you feel this way. Like maybe there you do just view your partner as purely platonic and are hurt because it is a little daunting to have someone so close want to get close to someone else or maybe you are hurt because you are starting to have romantic feelings about this person too.

There’s a lot of blurred lines and platonic relationship generally doesn’t involve the level of commitment you are interested in so it may be good if you took some time to figure out if platonic relationships is actually what you want. Especially considering that you are talking about things like marriage, kissing, and asking them not to date anyone. I understand that you said you don’t feel romantic attraction, but the qualities of a relationship you describe seem to relate more to romance and sexuality than they do platonic love.

I want to say I get being hurt by her possibly going to live with someone else if she met them. Like you two have been planning this for a long time and you’ve known each other your whole lives. But, it is good to note though that you two haven’t been physically together for a while so it is understandable why she’d want to keep her options open housing wise because it can be easier to make housing decisions with people when you see then regularly in person.

Posted May 19, 2024

#advice #love advice #relationships #relationship advice #relationship help

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violetsystems · 15 days

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#personal

There has been a severe lack of predictability in my life until recently. The only thing I could rely on was rejection for a really long time. When this comes down to being financially independent, searching for a job is a full time hobby. Finding one in these times that matches your entire life balance is rare. And I often wonder sometimes if I didn't stay at a school for over two decades that I would have had an easier time bouncing back. But there's also this fatalist side of me that I hate confronting that knows America isn't at all what it says it is. You may think you have free will to choose your outcome but you see the invisible strings pulling people around together. Back when I didn't have a job that I enjoyed doing, it felt like my life was slipping away. Work isn't fun. Neither is advancing your career but pivoting back from the grave is a feeling that just hasn't passed. I did it. And I know how I accomplished it primarily. Looking down the barrel of failure. And sometimes when I'm extra hard on myself, I feel like I'm still not good enough for anything. And this isn't really the case. I think finding a job is the hardest thing I've ever done for someone who has a lot of talents to rely on. It isn't so much the work part but convincing someone you need income. Don't get me started with the government. I did reach out many times for lifelines that people thought I didn't qualify for. So I was caught between two extreme poles who aren't living in reality. And that is the way the world is. If you are talented enough you assume somehow you are going to figure it out. And I did. And it isn't like not having a job. I do work for someone else. I do have a boss. I do have to balance my emotions about where my life should be and where it is. And honestly, the weight lifted off my shoulders can easily get replaced with some other shit. Something else to worry about. Now that you've found a job let's remind you of how inadequate you are in mainstream society. Not like the people following me around the train get paid to do that. If that was your job to be paparazzi and treat me like somebody famous then you definitely owe me some cash. I don't need your money.

And that is a very healthy thing to say. I would love to admit that being the center of attention, a rock star or someone people shower with praise and affection would be more gratifying. But real life and real talk? People sacrifice things for any career out there. I can't say that having it all taken away for three years doesn't do something to somebody's mind. It felt like jail. It felt oppressive. It felt strategically organized to neutralize the person I really am. And honestly I'm sure all of that and more is true. You can fight it head on. Or you can become independent of it. You can look at your life as a puzzle and solve every side. And it just connects you to more puzzles to solve. I wanted to get closer to the things I want not be dragged further away. Choosing something idiotic like music to follow for my dreams is a harsh truth. Even the assholes I grew up with who are famous now aren't just solely composing music. They fucking share memes. We've been doing that down here for years. Why am I not famous enough to share a stage with the people I mentored and had their back with no questions asked? Because it's a scam. You can say having a career is a scam and largely I would point to the direct deposit in my bank account and shrug. I lurk down here and do what I do because this is how I communicate with people. When I sit down at a lunch table with HR and a staff member who wants to talk about magic the gathering at a company party, I'm that much of a nerd. I don't get praised in some glossy dj mag for it because I paid a publicist money. I get paid. I do work. I am very much qualified to do what I do. I get the feeling from people they appreciate it. And I've been made to feel for the last three years that nothing I did was good enough to be valued. And that hurts. Deeply. But ultimately as time goes on and my bank account replenishes. I just look at the value of my time spent versus all the time I've wasted. I still listen to my own music when I put it on band camp. I made it to listen to. And I enjoy it. Does anybody buy it? Do I get social gigs in some dive bar playing for drunks? Not really. I don't really want to go out and meet people now. They're a large part of the problem of how I got looked over for so long.

When you can't find a job they make it feel political. And every asshole out there is trying to make people feel some type of way about something. And things are too complex sometimes to be put on the spot for a two sentence sound bite for tiktok or the gram. I don't even use that shit to be honest. My phone is constantly on blast now with recruiters instead of the same old professional golfers trying to scam me into some confidence trick. I hate being tricked. And yet you can see manipulation from a mile away. Little messages in the garbage. The same people standing around when you come home from work. Everybody has to pay attention to me like I'm some episodic comedy. And that public waste of time really feels shallow when you actually go in and do stuff you are qualified to do and get paid for it. Everybody wastes their time comparing everyone against each other. And the worst part about it is that there are people out there that act like that's their hobby and right. To meddle in your affairs. To have an opinion about someone they never bothered to introduce themselves to. To take cheap shots behind the scenes about someone's struggles because you are too afraid to face your own. I don't really do many things right according to how people want things to work out. But I can tell you I do want to gloat about how hard it was to find work. I sometimes feel like I wasn't supposed to. And this is some alternate reality where I maximize my suffering into something that has real numerical value. I still commute. I still have to show up and deal with problems. And I was very qualified to do it at my old job. Why was I let go? Why am I still followed around by those people? Why does no one want to talk to me unless they can figure out a way to manipulate me? That's the sort of stuff that was also predictable. I worry less about it. I figure out my schedule for a week then relax as much as possible on the weekends. Do I want to constantly be isolated and stuck in a rut? No. But I also don't want to be broke either. And thankfully with a little bit of luck, faith and a lot of resumes. I landed the job a little above where I was before. I'm sure the potentiality is out there for a whole lot more. But the world isn't there yet. It took time to get back on track. Now that that shit is out of the way. I'm going to stay out of harm's way and continue to grow. And stack instead of crack. <3 Tim

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giannaread · 6 months

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Will I ever be fucking pretty? (rant ‼️)

It’s quite obvious that these two people find me ugly. They are a couple supposedly I will tell you the story about the girl first. 6 period health class my health teacher calls me up to get some work I missed, The girl (let’s call her J) sits behind me. I go towards my seat in and I think I looked at her or the seats are too close and I see J trying to hold in her laugh while staring at me. J does laugh at some other guy who comes to english to drop off papers.

Now let me tell you about her loser ass boyfriend. As much I want to call him ugly he’s actually quite good looking in a way. Apparently his name is Aiden, I’ll call him A. So I didn’t even know this guy exists until recently. I’m actually very upset at the whole situation because I’m very insecure about my looks and I have been taking pictures of myself forcing myself to find myself pretty, recently I have been thinking that i’m not ugly just average and I was thinking that maybe I should talk to my crush. Let me tell you A humbled my ass for EVERY thinking I wasn’t ugly and I should talk to my crush. I said what happened on the r/ Ugly subreddit but i’ll say it here. I was walking to class and heard him say “ewww” to me. I was really upset about what happened and I even cried about it in 7th period.

I knew J was in my lunch period but now I know A is also in my lunch period. I couldn’t really see A face just a part of it when he said “ewwww” but I remember lunch being almost two minutes over and I realized it might have been him and he was talking to J. I remember my heart beating fast. I remember the hallway when met for the first time so to make sure I knew he was the guy who said it. I followed J and A in the hallways. Listen I know it sounds unhinged but I really wanted to see if it was really him. Turns out it was because even tho I got to my class and couldn’t follow A.(J went to class at this time). I’m pretty sure he would be turning in a direction that would lead to where we first met. I’m guessing J told A about me and they were making fun of my looks because i’m not sure why would he say that to someone who was looking down on her phone and didn’t even notice him at first. Like seriously I didn’t even notice him and the way he turned around and smirked makes me think he wanted me to feel like a worthless ugly subhuman piece of scum who didn’t deserve to be on earth. He wanted me to feel insecure.

Like I get it. I’m repulsive, i’m weird but just because i’m not as pretty as your girlfriend or other girls you hang out with DOESN’T MEAN YOU MAKE RUDE COMMENTS OR TREAT ME LIKE SHIT!!! Like damn at least J tried to hold in her laugh to attempt to not hurt my feelings but A DIDN’T HAVE TO SAY ANYTHING! I wouldn’t have even noticed him in the hallways if he didn’t open his mouth. I wouldn’t had even knew he EXISTED if he didn’t open his mouth to make sore that I know i’m ugly. To make sure I never thought I was pretty ever again. Every single school year it’s a new thing. First with the two girls, then the whole Spanish class, then with these two assholes. I don’t even talk to them and they’re already making fun of me, even the ones who don’t make it obvious that i’m ugly I know it’s because of my looks because they would not have done any of the stuff they did to me with more conventionally attractive girls.

I’m so tired. I literally hate my life so much. My ugliness makes everyone assume i’m weird when i’m just quiet. I can’t take this stuff anymore. I literally don’t even want to go out and not go to college anymore. I think after college or during college I will rent an apartment and never leave my apartment until it’s necessary. I can always take online courses for college.

End of my rant I guess. I don’t want to deal with this stuff anymore.

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deyadee · 2 years

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It’s Happening Again, and It Will Happen Again

I seem to have a habit of developing a crush on literally any cute girl that relatively my age and is nice to me.

It’s happened again.

Another cute girl working at the front desk of the hotel I work at. She started working a while back but it’s only recently that I happened to be scheduled to work when she’s assigned to the front. I think I talked about her when I had to go over and check on her when the rest of the staff went to a baseball game since I live so close and didn’t wanna go.

We occasionally talk, but really it’s just that she’s very cute and sweet to me. I’m scared to even be interested in her because I don’t know her age. I mean she has to at least be 14 because that’s the youngest they’ll employ, but I would assume she has to be older since she-

1. Most likely wouldn’t be working the front desk if she was really young

2. Is allowed to serve alcohol as our hotel has happy hour where they basically just leave a jug of wine and beer in the lobby which she often pours- but technically they’re not serving/selling alcohol

3. Works during the week where she can take early morning and late night shifts (just from what I’ve observed) but she couldn’t be younger than 17 if she could just have a work schedule like that with normal 7-2 highschool hours.

But there are some counter arguments for each

1. The 14-year-old they hired previously I think worked front desk (or she was a housekeeper, I don’t remember much as I saw her literally one day)

2. Since it’s just a giant jug they leave out for guests to pour themselves, they technically aren’t serving alcohol. Plus they could just not care as it’s such a minor violation

3. She could be home-schooled or has a private tutor

Plus not to mention, she says she doesn’t drink alcohol- which could be either because legally she can’t or just because she doesn’t want to.

God so pathetic for thinking all of this shit out over someone who probably doesn’t think about me even at work.

There’s a tiny glimmer of hope which fills me with dread. She said I had pretty eyes and accidentally called me “babe.” Two insignificant things that mean nothing. Two insignificant things that will drag me to despair. Why do I have notice every detail like a fucking crazed stalker?

There’s no way she feels anything towards me. There’s no possibility. She’s extremely friendly, playful, and kind to everyone; not just me. She talks to me because that’s what co-workers do. She said my eyes were pretty because that’s what friends do- compliment each other. She said babe when I was trying to get past her to get to the back office when she said “Excuse me, babe!” As a knee-jerk reaction. Babe isn’t used romantically by everyone. Like how some girls will call everyone honey, dear, darling.

There is no possibility in this universe she is interested in me in the slightest. There is no possibility she wouldn’t be straight in the slightest. There is no possibility she would find me interesting or physically attractive. She does not see me as anything but a co-worker. She does not and will never feel the same way.

Yet I can still feel it coming. I know she’ll say something like “You’re fun to be around” and I’ll take it completely wrong. I know I’ll become obsessed. I know I’ll think everything is a sign. It has happened before. It will happen again. I will suffer at my own hand and I won’t ever stop myself. This cycle will go until I die, where I’ll end up in hell and the cycle will start up again. I will fight myself and crush my spirit now so I won’t end up facing the same face-to-face rejection as before.

She is not interested in me.

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dzpenumbra · 2 years

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9/9/22

So I've been super stressed for the past few days. Who am I kidding, the past few weeks. But especially the past few days, because the gears are finally turning on the big move and it's actually looking real. I've been in this house for 5 1/2 years, before this one I was in a renovated garage on my parents property for about 6 years just one town over. Before that was college. I moved to Boston back in 2013ish... but only for a few months and I moved to be with a friend and make music. I've kinda been stuck here since I moved back.

Now, I'm planning a move about 2 hours away. I have a location picked out, it's an old renovated mill that I used to visit occasionally when I was on my break year from college 15 damn years ago. I have the application filled out, a cover letter written to explain my employment situation. It's been a big day. The catch is that this place doesn't have any units open until December.

I have a tendency to put all my eggs in one basket. I try to give whatever pulls me in the strongest my absolute attention. Maybe that's an ADD survival technique, otherwise I'll wander off or lose focus, or won't be able to choose or something. I think I might have developed this hyperfixation and attachment as a way to quickly find things I care about, that resonate with me, and link to them.

I've been exploring this ADD thing recently. It was my first real "diagnosis", depression and anxiety are kinda... duh diagnoses, who the fuck doesn't have those... ADD (specifically the Inattentive subtype) was the first label slapped on my forehead to explain why I was a really fucking smart kid but a shitty student. I remember vividly, when I failed out of college my first year - because of weed freakouts, a bad mushroom trip, and no friends to process those with, but I wasn't about to tell my conservative mom that... - we went to some person who did a bunch of testing. I apparently tested really high with IQ shit and other stuff, but I guess ADD was a factor they decided to narrow down on. I've always blown it off as a factor in my life.

The OCD stuff is pretty obvious, the PTSD stuff I think is pretty obvious, but to me, the ADD was always obscured because my best friend in high school had very run of the mill ADHD. I always compared to that and went "I know what ADD looks like, I'm not that" and just assumed everyone else was like me. Welp, turns out, nope. So yeah, maybe ADD is a good label to help find other people who think like me, or act like me, I don't know.

I feel like that's why we really feel gratification when we get "diagnoses", which is basically just like "we noticed this pattern in your behavior". Getting a label puts you in a category of people. You're no longer the dysfunctional person, the broken one, the one who's acting weird. You have a name for it, you can seek others who have it, you're not alone anymore. But I'll tell ya, nothing repels you away from that quite like being misdiagnosed and trying to meet people through that diagnosis. That was me with epilepsy and man, I am straight up cringing just thinking about how humiliated I was when the neurologist told me I 100% didn't have it. Meanwhile, the past few months I had been wearing medical alert dogtags around. So I kinda only put one foot in with that stuff now, which is good, I guess.

I'm making progress moving towards this new life and it feels like it's growing closer and closer. I visited an old friend's stream tonight, one of my old regulars. I realized I hadn't been on stream or Discord in like 6 months. He was genuinely shocked to see me. It was nice to run into someone who recognized me, and recognized me fondly. I spent a few hours with him watching him play Rimworld. I was the only person talking in chat, which is always a bit weird, but whatever. There were two other "friends" who dropped in, basically just talked about themselves, then left. Some fuckin friends. That's probably why he was so excited to see me, he got nervous and lit up. Because I'm a good friend. I engage, I make jokes, I ask questions, I stick around as long as I can. If I had a few friends like me, I'd be golden. That doesn't sound egotistical at all! XD

I'm preparing to stream again, I made a page-long list of things to do on stream, just to start. I contacted my brother, who I haven't really talked to in like 2 years since a big fight, despite him living 5 minutes away. I asked him to make music for my stream. He seemed into it. We'll see where that goes. Things are weird there, I'm not even gonna speculate on it. I just don't really want to get into it mentally right now, too much to unpack.

So the gears are moving. I'm getting back into streaming/online-presence/gaming/music/art mode and it feels good. Giving advice to another person on how to sorta "rebirth" yourself into a new life has actually helped me a bit in helping myself. I just need to listen to the advice I gave her - create a clear vision of what you're trying to build, as clear as you feel comfortable getting, then start working on making changes one-by-one until you complete the puzzle. Slow pace is fine. Slow progress is still progress. (Thanks Devin Townsend, love you!)

Feeling optimistic, and realizing just how anxious and depressed, insecure and hopeless, I have been. Seeing how difficult it must be to be around me sometimes when I'm so convinced the world is out to get me. And boy do I have the evidence to prove it. Maybe that's the PTSD talking, I have no idea anymore, I'm just... I just want a life where I can have friends over for a poker night or D+D. Or do a Discord hangout with a few friends, have a few drinks and play Tabletop Simulator or something. It's been a long time since I've done that, and I miss it dearly. I miss fucking Jackbox!

I hope those days are coming soon. Isolation is a bitch, not just in its experience, but how intimidating and overwhelming reintegrating into society can be when you come back. Especially alone. It's hard to put into words. It's not like stage-fright for me, not that kind of adrenaline dump and "fuck fuck fuck, get it together, you got this". Phone calls can be like that, but not often honestly. It's much more like... "I'm afraid that person my friend brought over to my house is going to steal something." I guess. Or "is this guy walking towards me in the alley going to mug me?" I haven't really put a ton of thought into it recently. But it is very looming.

I'm fading, it's getting late. Smoked this new weed my friend got - its a mix of flower and Delta-8, but also mixed with the old shit. I'm gonna give it a test whirl on its own tomorrow to acquaint myself with this strain, see how it hits me. Maybe we'll see if we can get some music done too.

Oh shit, last note - so the idea with my brother doing music for my stream, and maybe other streams... that was like a lightning bolt inspiration moment for me. I haven't had one of those in a while, especially that strong, I was just unpacking groceries and just BOOM. So whatever is shifting in my life right now, it's opening me up to very powerful inspiration. This is extremely exciting. Even if the idea ends up being a bust, I have an open conduit to my primary source of creative power. That means I should nurture it and engage with it. Strike while the iron's hot. We'll see where it guides me next, and I will most likely stream that.

Sleep time!

#diary #journal #stream of thoughts #spilled thoughts #mental health #stream of conscious writing #attention deficit disorder (add)#ptsd #online journal

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undiscovered-horizon · 2 years

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Dating TASM!Peter Parker

We all love the nerdy and cute wall-crawler

When it comes to dating, he's winging like 90% of it

Makes me think of "2 poor kids" by Ruth B

I will gladly elaborate:

He doesn't have the confidence to casually come up to you and ask you out, so he waits for a good opportunity to arise

And it's just his luck that the gods of love and romance are on his side

For science class, the teacher paired you up with Peter for some project because the two of you wrote essays on similar topics

So now not only does he have an opportunity to get closer to you, he is kind of obliged to

You get some take out and go to his house to get some work done

Aunt May gives him a thumbs up when you're not looking, agreeing with his choice because you're cute af

He's sweating buckets, not gonna lie. His objective is to come off suave but Peter's basically screaming inside his head

You point out his Star Wars posters and, to his surprise, start a conversation about the franchise with him

Peter is in his geeky element and gets visibly more comfortable immediately

Guys, you were supposed to be doing a science project not discussing the movies and video games from the recent decade

You've done barely any school work and it's already evening, Peter offers to walk you home

And the conversation just doesn't stop

Just like his heart palpitations because he's crushing hard on you

You're not only beautiful but a generally cool person??? His heart might give out

The two of you quickly become inseparable and everyone already assumes you're dating and the two of you, being the idiots in love that you are, pretend that you're oblivious to the rumors and curious whispers

Your first kiss is like a chick-flick tbh

You're working on the science project, sitting at the desk in his bedroom, so basically you're smashed against each other because there isn't much space

Peter and you quietly discuss something until you realize there are maybe a few inches between your faces

The two of you just timidly lean it and softly peck each other’s lips. Then again. And again. Until the timidnes is gone and you’re tugging at each other’s hair

Exchanging comic books

Making playlists/mixtapes for each other that you listen to together

Like riding the bus, sharing earphones and playing songs that remind you of each other or that you both like

Listening to podcasts about science and/or unsolved mysteries

He's definitely secretly watching romcoms as "research" because he wants to be that boyfriend, you know?

Sharing your lunches

Making out in the library

Inside jokes that are basically you quoting nerdy shit at each other (very cute)

"Hello there"

"General Parker"

You wear his hoodies and jackets a lot

His "photography practice" is basically making whole photo albums of you

You learn about his wall-crawling alter ego when he knocks on your window one night, face bloodied and bruised, not really knowing who else to ask for help

He's apologizing profusely while you're trying to take care of his injuries which is hard because he gestures a lot explaining things to you

Peter thinks you're gonna drop him but instead you admit that he's the coolest person you know

And that's how you have become his accomplice

Covering for Peter when someone questions his sudden, prolonged disappearance or bruises

If you had a habit of killing the odd spiders that appear in your room, now you feel a little weird about it and just try to push yourself through catching the arachnid and letting it out of the window

"study dates" but you end up falling asleep on him while he's reading academic textbooks

Which proves difficult because you look so adorable and the domestic affection is making his heart perform olympics-grade gymnastics

Sometimes you can tell he's trying really hard to be the rom-com dream boyfriend and although it melts your heart that he cares so much, you remind him that he's the perfect boyfriend just as he is

One of you always has a weird-ass question ready for the other and no matter how ridiculous, you have an actual discussion about it

Movie nights but really yall just want to cuddle

You exchange a lot of random soft pecks

Cute quiet moments when one of you is laying in the other's lap and you either just stare lovingly at each other or have dismembered conversations because you're more focused on each other than the talking

He's always there to help you study but you are distracting tbh

Dates on rooftops or other high places where it's just the two of you and the beautiful landscape of New York

Eating pizza on top of Chrysler Building

Making out on rooftops of skyscrapers? Yes please

Feeding each other snacks

Peter throws you over his shoulder just for shits and giggles

If you even suggest you might be tired, he's giving you a piggyback ride

You’re Spider-Man’s number 1 fan

And Peter loses it one day when you show up in a Spider-Man hoodie and ask him if he likes it

His arm is always around your shoulders or waist

Holding hands while you’re doing homework or reading something for class

Sometimes he brings you flowers which might or might not be a little crumpled because he had them in his backpack while swinging through New York

Stay-in dates when you eat junk food and play video games

Either cheating or cuddling, depends on the game

Calling each other "babe" or "love"

Sharing dessert

Aunt May sometimes spies on the two of you sharing ice cream or a piece of cake in the kitchen and she’s fangirling because yall cute

Serious discussions about cake flavours

Speaking of aunt May, she’s grown used to the fact that Peter’s either not at home or he’s home with you

Sometimes you sleep over and those are the mornings that it’s you and Peter making aunt May breakfast instead of the other way around

Unless it’s a weekend and you two sleep in till noon

You’re worried about Peter when he’s out saving the city and so he texts you he’s alright when he comes back home

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