#turns out knowing what is causing the miscommunication makes it easier to work on

[cameronspecial]

hi hi hi i saw ur requests were open, no pressure ofc just wondering if u could do smth like rafe (established bf) giving reader the silent treatment for like weeks and shes so confused because she doesnt know what the hell she did to piss him off so she decides to confront him about it and just angst -> fluff yk??

also i literally love you and your fics so much u dont understandddd <3333

Miscommunicated Silence

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x Reader

Warnings: Mentions of Sex in The Beginning.

Pronouns: She/Her

Word Count: 0.9K

A/N: You are literally the sweetest. You made my day and I love you too, anonymous. I know Rafe isn't pissed at her, but I can't imagine Rafe being mad at Y/N for any reason because he gives me such she can do no wrong vibes like how he is with Ward.

Masterlist

Rafe’s head throws back in pleasure as his dick spews his hot seeds into the condom. His arms grip Y/N to him as they both come down from their high. She carefully lifts herself from him and goes to get some clean clothes from his drawers. “Where are you going?” Rafe questions, expecting her to stay the night. She comes over to give him a peck on the lips, “I want to stay, Rafey. But I have an early meeting tomorrow morning and my house is closer to work than yours. Plus, we both know that if I stay here, I’m going to run late because of that tongue of yours. Bye, I love you.” “I love you too. Drive safe, Baby,” he calls out, watching her leave with a soft look. 

———

Y/N has been trying to text Rafe all week but he hasn’t been answering her at all. Every time she sees him in public, he somehow doesn’t see or hear her and then disappears when she gets close enough to him. She tries meeting him at Tannyhill, yet he is never there according to his various family members. She would be more worried if she didn’t know that he is ignoring her. His text receipts, only on for her, shows that he is reading them. In all their years of dating, Rafe has never gone more than twenty-four hours without talking to her. So she isn’t sure what she could’ve done for him to give her the silent treatment for a week. It couldn’t be because she had to leave after sex last week because it wasn’t the first time one of them decided to sleep at home after sex because it was easier for them the next morning. 

Her anger towards the way he is icing her out finally over takes her and so she’s had enough. “Y/N, Rafe isn’t home,” Wheezie tries to argue, but Y/N knows it is not true. His truck and his bike are in the driveway and she knows Kelce and Topper are playing golf without him, so he couldn’t have been driven somewhere by them. Y/N gently nudges her way inside, “I know that isn’t true Wheez, I need to talk to him.” Wheezie doesn’t stop her as she runs up the stairs toward his room. She throws his door open with a slam to find him shirtless on his bed, scrolling through his phone. His annoyance flashes through him as he looks up to yell at the person. He freezes at the sight of his angry girlfriend. “I don’t know what I did, but we are never going to fix anything if you keep ignoring me,” she yells, placing her hands on her hips. She waits for a response and her anger grows to fury when he doesn’t answer. She violently shakes her head, “Are you really going to continue this childish game?” 

She stares at him and he can only return the stare with a hint of pleading she isn’t sure what to make out of it. “You know what? If this is how you deal with your problems, then maybe we shouldn’t be together,” she spins on her heels, storming toward the door. With her back to him, she doesn’t see the tears and panic cross his face. He rushes forward, wrapping his hand around her wrist. It is gentle enough that she can break from his hold, but as she turns to yell at him, she can see the pain in his eyes. This causes her to worry. If he is willing to show emotion to her at this moment and still not say something, then something must be wrong. His mouth opens, “P-Please don’t go.” The words that come out are so low and raspy that she wants to get him to a doctor immediately to check on him. “What’s wrong with your voice?” she worries, placing her hands on his cheeks. He holds his finger up and goes to get a notepad and pen from his desk. 

It takes him a second to write on the notepad before he hands the pad to her. I lost my voice this week. “Why didn’t you tell me? Or at least answer my texts. You don’t need to talk to do that,” she questions, giving him the pad back so he can respond. I was embarrassed about why I lost my voice. And texting always leads to phone calls with you. You know just talking to you isn’t enough, I love hearing your voice. “How did you lose your voice?” He gives her a sheepish look and then writes the answer down. I think I lost it when we had sex last week. I must have been too loud. She giggles at his words, looking up to see him looking away. “Aww, Rafey. Don’t be embarrassed. I think that’s hot. I love it when you are loud for me. It lets me know that I am making you feel good,” she explains, wrapping her arms around his neck. He brings his head to her neck and gives it a kiss. She plays with his hair to help stop his tears from spilling. He pulls away from her and writes something down. I’m sorry I ignored you, but please don’t break up with me. Y/N gives him a soft look and then a kiss on the lips. “It’s okay, Rafey. I forgive you.”

#rafe cameron #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron fanfiction #outer banks #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron x y/n #outer banks fanfiction #rafe cameron x you #rafe cameron x female reader #rafe fic #rafe imagine #rafe obx #rafe outer banks #outerbanks rafe #rafe x reader #rafe x y/n #rafe x you #outer banks rafe #outer banks imagine #outer banks x reader #outerbanks #outer banks x y/n #outer banks x you #obx #obx imagine #obx fanfiction #obx fic #obx x reader #obx x you #obx x y/n

[phatcatphergus]

While I definitely see how this feels out of nowhere to how qTubbo was feeling, I feel like assuming it was all done to "calm down twitter" and "appease to chat" takes away agency from ccTubbo. He could've just turn down Fred's attempts at reconnecting based on how his character felt, but he didn't. The admin and him noticed a communication issued that wasn't supposed to happen and altered it (doesn't work well with the rp but oh well)

Sure they could've gone about it in a different and more natural way, all your criticisms are really valid. I just don't get why you're mad at twitter/chat as if this isn't a Tubbo choice, he could've just not done it, he wasn't obligated to.

Sorry this isn't supposed to be mean or anything I'm just confused cause this is very clearly something the cc wants, isn't wasn't executed in the best way but at the end of the day it was his choice

Hope you're doing well thought !! English isn't my first language hopefully this sounds fine

No worries nonnie! I always appreciate it and I totally see where you are coming from.

The reason I say the main reason they did this because of chat/twitter is because of how Twitter/chat treated ccTubbo both last night and today. There were a LOT of people that convinced Tubbo that he read the book wrong and then forgot his own lore because he's dyslexic and forgetful. They called him dumb and blamed the whole thing on him when it was a mutual miscommunication.

The thing is that we ALL read the letter the same exact way and we ALL came to the same conclusions so dogpiling Tubbo into thinking HE messed up is absolutely unacceptable.

Now this goes into how the lore played out today. ccTubbo is a grown man who can make decisions himself, that is 100% true. The problem lies in Tubbo making decisions that he wants to make if that makes sense. He has a history of putting his own wants aside to play games that chat enjoys over something he would enjoy more. He's said as much on his alt streams. So for basically all of Twitter and his chat to say that he fucked up, bully him, and straight up call him dumb and that the whole thing was his fault, its not impossible for him to feel like its easier to just go with what chat wants or do smth to fix it and make up for "causing this problem" in the first place.

Also, even though they can fix the miscommunication issue through rp, there's no reason to do it NOW and there's no reason to do it how they did it today. This is a main reason I think it's a "fix-it" for Twitter.

Everything was rushed, OOC, and the whole thing with Ramon knowing Fred was at Tubchunk, Sunny immediately having the tea part reason and tubbo checking the tab list the second Fred logged on makes me think it was planned and planned quickly. There was no reason for Fred to visit or even hear rumors of Tubbo misunderstanding his letter because qtubbo didn't even know he misunderstood it!

At the end of the day, lore and rp and what goes on behind the scenes are more subjective to people than objective. I've just been watching Tubbo for a while and the treatment he's received paired with his past comments brought me to this result.

#i aso think that people always try and fit everything into an rp box #when sometimes there are meta reasosns for lore as well #we have to aknowledge what else was going on at the time and we cant just pretend it isn't happening #anon asks #qsmp crit #qsmp neg #not sure about that one but tagging jic

[notsowrites]

and i hope i never lose you

summary: dealing with the aftermath of finding Alex in the pocket dimension.

a/n: just a quick little 4x11 coda because who knows how this is all gonna resolve itself in two episodes and i have a lot of ideas rolling around.

[AO3 Link]

----------

The handprint shimmers across the skin of his chest, above his heart. He watches as Michael’s fingertips trace around it, igniting the connection with each movement. Lingering feelings of regret, determination, fear, and love all mix together, and Alex doesn’t think he’s ever going to get used to the feeling.

He’s never felt like he’s needed to know Michael in this way, that they needed to share emotions through some alien connection. Even through everything they’ve been through, all their miscommunication and misunderstandings, he’s preferred that everything that has happened to them has been because they’ve put the work in. Neither of them has ever needed to rely on anything otherworldly to know they love each other.

Even as cosmic is the word they’ve always fallen back on to describe how they feel, Alex believes it’s still rooted in reality - in the way his entire body instantly calms when Michael puts his hands on his face, or when they interlace their fingers together. Words were never his strong suit, that was always Michael’s thing, but he’s been trying, day by day, to do better. It’d been his slow realization that he needed to be more open with Michael, to stop shutting him out from the thoughts in his head, that has even allowed them to get here to this point.

He’d heard about the handprint from Liz, the difference in the one that Max has left on her to the one he’d first been introduced to in the folder Jenna Cameron had dropped in front of him years ago. But it didn’t make understanding it any easier.

Not until Michael had pressed his palm against his chest, the place he remembered the black fractals had been while trapped in the mindscape of the pocket dimension, the energy needed to sustain it feeding off his body. He wishes it had been as simple as leaving that liminal space and everything would be fine, but that’s never been how his story goes. Kyle had done a full workup, demanding to ensure he was healthy, and ending up discovering the irregular heartbeat he’d never possessed before.

As it turned out, he hadn’t been wrong when he’d told Michael he was dying.

“What do you mean he’s still dying?”

Michael had looked somewhere between furious and devastated, and all Alex could do was take his hand in his own and interlace their fingers together while Kyle explained.

“There was too much stress on his heart, it started interfering with the electrical signals that maintain the heartbeat. A week ago, it was just a little slower than normal, I thought it was just residual from the pocket dimension, that it’d bounce back. But it didn’t.”

It’d made sense. The shortness of breath, how easily he was tiring out from normal activity, the lightheadedness that followed. In the beginning it’d been easier to hide it from Michael, to act like it was just a side effect of being back in their reality, in their world.

“So what’s the cure, doc? We’ve been here before-”

Kyle had nodded, clearly running the scenarios in his head. “Like Max, it’s not caused by a normal human cause, so I don’t know if a normal human solution will work.”

“So I build another pacemaker? That you can-”

“We can try, but it might only be a temporary solution.”

He hadn’t even realized they’d been in a mindscape. That it had in fact just been feeding off his own energy, slowly killing him day by day. He’d watched as Dallas had explained the mechanics and the science to everyone in the days afterward, Michael withdrawing bit by bit, and Alex knew it was because of that guilt he still felt. How he’d shared about the time he’d been tempted by the idea of returning to Oasis, beating himself up for not noticing something was wrong sooner.

Liz should have been there to explain what had happened in her own mindscape, when he’d learned about the alien mist Liz had crafted after Michael had lost his alien powers. Max had reluctantly admitted that black fractals had slowly spider-webbed across Liz’s arms and chest the longer she had remained in the mindscape. Her absence is noted by the somber tone in everyone’s voices and actions as they bring him up to speed on the things he’d missed that there hadn’t been time recently to discuss.

Mimi’s death hits him the hardest.

With Maria on his arm, they visit the little memorial she’d built high in the hills near the Wild Pony. Together, they sit there for hours, a blanket pulled over their shoulders, tears flowing down their cheeks. The moment he’d begun to beat himself up about not being there for her when she needed him, she reminded him that it was Mimi’s death that allowed her to connect with him when he needed to be found.

None of it feels fair.

Without Liz’s brilliance, they are at a standstill in regards to his heart. It had been Liz’s own decision, when faced with the choice of losing her memories of the aliens, or losing her mind completely, to forget the otherworldly origins of the most important people in her life. Their new friend Bonnie, once a follower of Jones and Clyde’s partner in crime, seemingly choosing Earth over whatever had been promised her before, wiping Liz’s mind so that no one close to her had to. It hadn’t been hard for Liz to slip back into teaching, to give her something outside of being a scientist.

“We don’t even know if it’ll work,” he’d argued, Kyle’s prognosis still fresh in his mind.

Michael had sighed, that fully body thing he does when he’s frustrated, turning away from him, and Alex has to grab hold of his hand, pull him back around. 

“I’ve been dreaming of marrying you since we were seventeen,” Michael had begun, looking down and gently pressing his palm against his chest. “And when you asked, you gave me that glimmer of hope, of that happiness I believed was too far out of reach.”

He takes a deep breath, reaching up and wrapping his own hand around Michael’s, holding it against his chest. 

“You’ve always been my choice, Michael. Everything I’ve done, every decision I’ve made has always been with you on my mind.” He feels the tears start to form in his eyes, threatening to quickly spill over. “Whether it’s running into a building about to explode or dismantling a secret government project - protecting you, making the world a better, safer, place for you, has been my constant since we were seventeen.”

A tear rolls down Michael’s cheek at his words, and Alex reaches up with his free hand to wipe it away, before taking a quick swipe at his own eyes. 

“So let me burn the world down for you now.”

Each time Michael heals him, each time he feels the connections between them roar to life, he also watches as Michael falls into a deep sleep for several hours, his body needing to recover from the energy it’s dispelled. And every time it happens, despite the smile Michael has on his face, and the love that shines through in his eyes, Alex can’t help but feel guilty for needing this. It lasts for a week, a ritual they develop each morning and even Michael holding his hand above his heart, listening to the beats as he counts them, checking to see how it’s doing.

Max had warned against it, the toll the repeated healing would eventually take on Michael’s body as well. But Alex doesn’t know how to tell him to stop. He’d seen the heartbreak in Michael’s eyes when he’d revealed he was dying. There was no stopping Michael Guerin when he was set on doing something.

“How are you feeling?” He asks, thinking about the three hour nap Michael has just woken up from.

Michael scoffs, slipping his hand from the mark on his chest, up to cup his face, carefully drawing their faces close enough so they can kiss.

“Like I have the love of my life in my arms and nothing else in the universe matters.”

#roswell new mexico #malex #malex fic #notso writes fanfic #cannot wait for monday to toss all my speculation out the window

[1viewtask]

Behind the Scenes: How 1ViewTask’s Latest Features Give You the Inside Scoop on Time and Task Management

Productivity is a term that every business in the corporate world aims to achieve. It is something that a team brings in by working on a set of projects or tasks. With the advancement in technology, the way of team working has now evolved, and it turns out that achieving goals has now become a step easier. This is because of the introduction of task management tools like 1ViewTask in the marketplace. Tools have made an impact on people’s work, and I am sure you have heard about 1ViewTask earlier. The tool is embedded with ample new features that you won’t find in any other tool.  

Just so you know, 1ViewTask is a tool not only designed for task creation, time tracking, and prioritization but also designed for providing a real-time working experience to the users. With the help of its new screen capture features, you can easily see through your team’s work. No matter, if your team is remotely working, generating reports, and keeping a check, won’t be an issue anymore. In this blog, I will tell you all about this tool and how you can become efficient at time and task management.  

First, let me cite an example for you: suppose you are a project manager who is supposed to assign tasks to the team members, and you need to report everything to the vendors timely. The first thing that you will do using 1ViewTask is, assign the required tasks to the respective team members, you will distribute different roles and responsibilities. Next, you will be remarked as the reviewer for each, and every task, and a record will be kept within the tool itself. Now, as the admin, you will add the vendors/clients to the portal for letting them take a live view of all the work that is being done by the team. Also, they can take a full-fledged view of the time that has been utilized by the entire team. This way, the project-related tasks are monitored, and clients/vendors are also satisfied. Moreover, you can get task management, screen capture, and conversation all in a sole platform.  

I am sure that from the above example, you know have gained at least a rough insight into the working of this task management tool. Diving deeper, you will also get to know that your business-related emails can also be customized into tasks. All you need to do is click on the email that you need to convert, select the add-in of 1ViewTask, and then you will see a pop-up screen showing the quick task bar of the tool. The title of your email will automatically become the name of your task, you can alter the requirements as per your need. Also, you can select details like priority, assignee, reviewer, and activity type. Once you are done, publish the task and it will appear on your user screen. This brand-new feature makes task management much easier, and I am sure no other tool will offer you a feature like this one.  

Moving on further, everyone understands that communication and coordination are the key pillars of a team’s work. Miscommunication often leads to misunderstandings which cause further trouble and hampers the project. This is why we have embedded our tool with the feature of chat too. Whilst a team works on a task, they can discuss it together on the tool itself.  

Conversation makes everything clear and the chances of making mistakes reduce. Also, a record of everything can be kept within the tool itself. Talking about records, taking hold of timely reports is something every manager must do. Using 1ViewTask, this goal can be achieved by making a few clicks because all the reports are available on the dashboard. With different kinds of views and filters, you can choose what suits you best and take a copy of the report out for yourself.  

Apart from these features, there are some special features that only the admin gets to take hold of. All the company-related details can only be entered and modified by the admin. They get the authority to add clients and vendors and send them reports of the work that is being done by the entire team. It is the admin who makes sure that every task is being done and clients are able to experience real-time updates of everything. The head can add and manage other companies too and also keeping track of the total working hours of the team becomes easier.  

Clients and vendors are the people who get their projects done by a particular firm. Every client wishes to keep a check on the work that is in progress which is why our tool has come up with the feature of adding clients to the portal. Once the limited-period access is granted to the vendors/clients, they can take a full-fledged view of everything and make an update. They can also complete a task if assigned by someone or they can add their own comments in case some tasks require changes. This is how our tool works and you can learn more if you use the tool for yourself.  

On the end note, it is compliable to say that using 1ViewTask for firm benefits and personal benefits is one of the finest decisions someone can make. This tool will help you gain exposure in the corporate world, and you can aim for becoming a self-sufficient and time-efficient person. Gaining new experiences helps a person in learning a lot of lessons. This could be your chance to grab the opportunity of using AI-enabled tools and put your work in place.  

In summary, I can conclude that using this amazing tool can make a change for good. Gaining real-time experience is not possible in all the tools, and with 1ViewTask, you can showcase all the work to your specific clients/vendors. Also, you will get daily reminders for your pending tasks and due dates, this makes meeting deadlines easier. There is a lot more to this tool besides these features, but for exploring that you need to sign up on this tool. 1ViewTask is free for 1 user with enterprise-level features and you can also get a free demo. Moreover, we are organizing a webinar soon where our team will let you know all about its latest features and how you can access them so stay tuned with us. 

You can install the app on your Android and iOS too. Don’t hesitate to sign up through our website and we will provide you with a free demo too. And you can download a desktop Windows app also for extra features like screen capturing, employee monitoring, etc. For more information, you can follow us on LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter.

Source: Behind the Scenes: How 1ViewTask’s Latest Features Give You the Inside Scoop on Time and Task Management

[relationshipsshrink]

Has She Lost That Loving Feeling?

(This letter has been edited for clarity)

Dear Dr. Deb,

I have spent years trying to communicate my feelings toward my wife. We do not see eye-to-eye on certain topics, which I’m fine with. But what bothers me the most is not being able to compromise on things that matter to us.

When it comes to intimacy, my wife complains that “It’s always about sex” with me. But I’d be lucky if we’re intimate once or twice a week. Part of the issue is we don’t sleep in the same bed so she can be with our kids, who I know won’t be kids for a long time. And when we have been intimate, it’s almost like a joke or game, and I can’t fully enjoy being with her.

Another thing that bothers me is that she and the kids spend too much time on iPads and iPhones. I would rather that we spent time with one another. I’ve made that clear, but my wife doesn’t agree. She’s so busy at work that she considers her phone time as a chance to decompress. I don’t understand, since I also work, cook, clean, and take care of the kids as much as she does, but I don’t feel I need to be on my phone to destress.

I value my wife and I do my best to listen to her. I consider myself a very considerate and understanding person. I’ve changed in many ways to compromise for her needs, but I don’t feel like my needs are being respected or honored.

What am I missing?

Mr. Wits-End

___________

Dear Wits-End,

I can feel your frustration and hopelessness vibrating right through my computer screen. Having the same conversation again and again that turns into a cold war gets old fast.

A lot of couples experience “cooling” periods, when it becomes challenging to listen and talk to each other. It seems to be no different in your case. In these situations, instead of physically leaving the relationship, one partner tends to check out emotionally.

The first step is to figure out why your wife won’t talk to you. If you don’t know why she won’t communicate with you, try your best to find out. Your situation sounds like it has been a slow slide into complacency or a gradual deterioration.

Which leads us to the next step: dig deep and take a good look at your relationship. Not as how you would want it to be, but as it is now.

Examine yourself honestly. It’s easy to blame your partner but often faulty communication and ineffective interactions are a two-way street.

I would even hazard a guess that you know more than you realize. You need to ask yourself some tough questions:

Might you be acting in ways that make it harder for her to talk to you?

How sure are you that she feels like her needs are being met?

Could you have inadvertently hurt her and distancing herself is her way of protecting herself from being hurt again?

Are you hesitant to raise conflicting topics for fear of her reaction? Or do you only talk about yourself?

Are you locked in a power struggle, trying to establish control?

Are you able to effectively communicate your feelings?

It goes without saying that there are also things your wife has to deal with, and she may be withdrawing from you for selfish reasons. But since you’re the one I’m responding to right now, I would encourage you to take action for yourself. After all, the only person you can do anything about is you.

That said, for you and your wife to work through this emotional distance, and get better at the art of exchange, both of you will need to agree to talk.

Identify some of the root causes of the unresolved issues between you and make a mutual commitment to listen to each other’s concerns. Neither of you has anything to gain by holding back your true feelings. It’s easier said than done, but be honest. Lay your cards on the table.

Re-establishing an emotional connection will only happen if you both make your relationship a priority and spend quality time together.

Lastly, but maybe most importantly, if you know your wife’s “love language*,” use it. This may not erase months or years of silence, miscommunication, and hurt feelings, but expressing your love using her primary love language shows consideration for her (and let’s admit, it’s romantic!) and would definitely be a step in the right direction.

Wishing you the best, Dr. Deb

*The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts,” by Gary Chapman.

Do you have a burning question – Your comments in response to a column are welcome. ​I will do my best to answer as many of your questions as I can.

Click here to send your question.

#couples counseling #couples therapy #healthy relationships #couples relationship #individual counseling

[mortgagehous]

mortgage broker apex nc

For most people, transferring to a new home may both be the hardest yet the most exciting thing to do. Leaving all your past behind and starting a new life could be good reasons for mortgage broker apex nc. Meeting new people in the neighborhood while keeping the previous ones will add zest to anybody's social life. However finding and closing a mortgage loan can prove to be a challenge on its own. This is probably why people who have undergone mortgage broker apex nc training is very in demand due to their line of work, and their ability to make dreams happen.

Mortgage broker apex nc serve as an important link for the borrowers and the lenders.It is rather not easy to find a bank or lending institution that will give out mortgage loans in an instant. There are simply too many things needed to do like forms to be filled up, backgrounds to be checked, credit ratings studied, and ability to pay must be assured. In all these troubles just to be granted a mortgage loan, one person could make everything easier; a person with a great mortgage broker apex nc training background.

In order to excel in such field, mortgage brokers need to develop certain aspects in their personality that will be very useful in their field of work; qualities that are either inert to themselves or are achieved and developed only through constant training as well as exposure to the ins and outs of the industry. Read along as I lay each one and point out their importance to the profession.

Since mortgage brokers pretty much work along this line of field, they must have an inert interest and flare for the real estate industry. It is easy to distinguish if a person is working with his mind or with his heart. Real estate is a very big business opportunity and only those who are deeply interested in making it big, will be granted the bigger piece of the cake. Brokers need to be updated with all that is happening in and around the real estate market in order to keep in step with the changing times.

In a type of job where a simple miscommunication can cause immense impact on its result, it is a must that a mortgage broker should and will be able to communicate very well both to his client and the lenders. Most of the time, clients seeking for a mortgage broker apex nc are not totally equipped with the necessary information for it. At times, they may not even know a little about the laws governing the deal. The burden now lies to the ability of the mortgage broker to dissect this seemingly "alien" information to the borrower and turn it into something easy to understand to make sure that he/she will not be left in the dark.

Mortgage brokers also need to establish rapport in order to gather as much contacts as possible. In this line of work, contacts with people on the lending sector are the bread and butter of any broker. Without these contacts, there will be no loan assurance that can be passed on to the borrower. Without these contacts, being a mortgage broker could be a lot harder than what it originally is.

This is where the mortgage broker apex nc skills will be tested. He must make himself available for these lending companies, and he must make sure he gets on the good side of the people behind the loan approval section. The ability of the mortgage broker to keep good relationships with the mortgage broker apex nc, will most likely result to more updated company facts that he can use in order to turn it into an approved loan for his client.

The communication pathway between the broker and the client, as well as the broker and the lending institution must be open and clear at all times. This is to ensure proper information dissemination on the client's side, and accurate terms on the lender's side. These qualities will be given importance during mortgage broker apex nc training sessions and will be put to the test on the actual field.

People say that no soldier must go into battle unprepared. So are mortgage broker apex nc. They need to arm themselves with the necessary knowledge about laws related to the mortgage industry itself. In most cities, there are federal and state laws governing the real estate as well as the mortgage brokerage. It is also not enough to be acquainted or familiarize these laws; a brilliant broker with a good mortgage broker apex nc background must be able to explain these laws clearly to the borrowers. He must also be able to discuss with the client everything that is written on the loan agreement form and make sure they understand each statement before letting them sign it. Information about borrower default and other issues must be clearly understood by the client before closing the deal.

#mortgage broker apex nc

[supportingstrat01]

5 Bookkeeping Insights: What Are Your Financials Telling You?

How professional bookkeeping support can reveal hidden trends and make your business more profitable.

As a small-business owner, you have a lot of financial obligations to meet. Paying bills, filing tax returns and meeting payroll, including commissions and bonuses — it’s a lot to keep up with. Some business leaders become so overwhelmed with those day-to-day responsibilities that they never step back and determine whether they’re meeting their primary objective: maximizing profitability.

Dig deeper, and your financials can tell you the true story of your business — if you know how to read the numbers.

Unlock Those Insights

Financial literacy is hard to come by. That’s why so many business owners turn to professional help such as outsourced bookkeeping services. Some indicators, such as revenue growth, profit margin and client retention, are universal, while others are industry specific.

Which indicators can provide the most important insights into your financials? Only a thorough analysis from your bookkeeping professional can tell you for sure, but these five are a good starting point.

1. Trending profit and loss (P&L)

Meaningful financial analytics start here. P&L is a great telltale financial indicator overall, but it’s especially important to see how your P&L spells out what’s trending over a particular timeframe. Three months is a good yardstick.

Dig into your line items such as revenue and expenses. Have they stayed consistent over the past three months, or has there been an unexplained uptick or downswing? If it’s the latter, you need to figure out what caused it. There could be any number of explanations, ranging from a sudden spike in payroll because somebody mistakenly recoded a marketing expense to the wrong category during that period, to an unexpected decrease in spending. And while a decrease in spending sounds good, it won’t work out that way if it happened because your marketing agency’s invoices haven’t been paid due to a glitch. You wouldn’t want your agency to suspend your marketing campaign in the middle of your biggest sales season over a simple miscommunication.

That’s why a monthly review of trending P&L is so critical. It’s a matter of examining the numbers to see if something doesn’t make sense — and then figuring out why. A trained professional can spot those clues and follow up with those all-important insights.

2. Balance sheet review

This one’s similar to the trending P&L. It can reveal problems that tend to sneak up on small-business owners. If you’re paying all of your bills on time but aren’t receiving timely payment from your customers, you can quickly run short of cash. This seems pretty elementary, but you have to watch that cash flow — or hire a professional to do it for you.

3. Actuals vs. budget

Want to know a little secret about small businesses? Most of them operate without a formal budget. That’s one of the things that separates small businesses from larger ones. A major corporation couldn’t function without a budget. And that budget gives them a kind of financial GPS. If they budget $10,000 for a marketing campaign and the marketing department spends $15,000, the accounting department will pick up on that when reviewing the variances between actual and budget.

Those kinds of discrepancies sometimes go unnoticed at small businesses. That’s why it’s important to create at least a rudimentary budget. Even better, create separate budgets for separate departments. That makes it easier to trace the cause of a particular problem. If sales are falling short of projections and the sales department is also running under budget, that could indicate the sales team simply isn’t using all the resources available to them.

4. The right ratio

Financial ratios are a great source of financial insights. But like so many other indicators, they are industry-specific. Inventory turnover ratio, for example, can be an invaluable indicator for a retail outlet but is of little value to a landscaping business.

A great approach for many small businesses is to conduct a profitability analysis. This can be done using a single category or a combination of several: profitability by product, profitability by project, profitability by client, etc. A law firm, for example, might find it makes a higher margin handling divorce settlements than personal injury claims. The firm might then decide to specialize in the former while phasing out the latter.

You can also use these insights to adjust your pricing. Rather than drop personal injury cases, that law firm could pay closer attention to the number of billable hours and charge more when necessary. A lot of businesses go wrong in not realizing they’re overspending or over-delivering on a particular type of product or service.

5. A dashboard

A dashboard is a quick, convenient way to track the numbers that you’ve determined are the most vital to your small business. Talk with your outsourced bookkeeping professional about the key performance indicators that matter most to you, and they can create a dashboard that gives you instant insights into your business. If something seems amiss, you can get to the bottom of it right away.

Happily Ever After

Your financials have an important story to tell you about your small business. By working with an outsourced bookkeeping professional to figure out what the story is, you can create a happy ending.

[one-more-offbeat-anthem]

If the inspiration takes you, would you be able to write a lil something about a misunderstanding and miscommunication? Light angst ficlet with a happy ending? I love your fics, thank you for sharing your talent with us and choosing this fandom!

okay I had to think about this one for a second, because as y'all know I don't normally write angst, but here we are! also thank you for your kind words ;-; although I'm not really sure I chose spn I think I just got sucked into the vortex and here we are.

I hope you enjoy this ficlet! (also imagine this is a fake season 9. where dean doesn't kick cas from the bunker and they go on hunts <3) (also this got way out of hand I'm so sorry)

*********

It was supposed to be a milk run.

Of course, half the time that they get a case that's "supposed to be a milk run," it ends with one of them almost dying, just for the hell of it, and today's no exception.

Sam's off on a different hunt in Colorado, so it's just Dean and Cas, which is no problem. Dean trusts Cas to watch his six, to watch everything.

Or, at least, it isn't a problem until their "milk run" turns into a really pissed-off poltergeist (to be fair, Dean'd be pretty pissed if someone was shooting at him), and then Dean gets hurled halfway back to Kansas, it feels like, and by the time he comes to with a pounding in his head and a searing pain in his shoulder, said poltergeist is gone and Cas is standing over him with a big, bleeding gash across his face.

Every time Cas gets hurt these days, it's like a fucking train wreck. He tries to heal himself, and then he can't, and he gets all moody and sullen, which, like, Dean can understand, but it doesn't make it any easier, and to make matters worse today Cas tried to heal Dean, and now they're sitting in the Impala in complete silence while Dean drives, trying to ignore his aching right shoulder.

"Where're we going?" Cas finally asks, picking at his sweater's sleeves. Dean's already mentally going over what might be best to get the blood out of it--lemon juice? Vinegar? He read in a magazine that hairspray is good for stains, oddly enough, but of course he doesn't own any--

"The hospital," Dean answers.

"So you can dump me there?"

"So I can--what?!" Dean takes his eyes off the road for a second to look at Cas, staring out the windshield. He's got one hand messing with his sweater and the other holding Dean's flannel over his still-bleeding face. "We're going 'cause if I try to stitch up that cut, I'm gonna end up stabbing you in the eye."

"You have very steady hands."

"Not when I'm worried. Let's go back to the dumping thing." Dean glances at Cas again. "Why would I leave you in a hospital?"

Cas shrugs. "I'm not useful anymore. Without my grace."

"That's a crock of shit, and you know it."

"Do I?"

Dean lets out a sigh and pulls the car over, trucks honking behind him. He doesn't think Cas is going to bleed out, and if this flannel gets soaked, there's another in the trunk.

"Look." Dean turns his body to completely face Cas, which crunches his legs, but this is important. "I know I'm shit with words, but you gotta hear me. First of all, I've been hunting since I was a kid, without an angel, and I'm still alive."

"Actually, you died and I--"

"Shut up. Second of all, I know in your head you're an angel first, but in my head, you're Cas first. You don't stop being Cas just because Metatron took your grace."

Cas doesn't respond, and it's actually kinda hard to tell what he's thinking when half of his face is covered in a bloody flannel, so Dean reaches out a hand to tug on Cas's wrist and pull the fabric off.

Okay, that's a lot of blood.

"You get me?" Dean asks, and Cas nods. Dean slides back to his seat and starts the car.

"What'd you mean about being worried?" Cas finally asks.

"What?" Dean turns to see if there are any cars coming and then pulls back onto the highway.

"You said you didn't have steady hands when you're worried."

"Put the flannel back on," Dean says. "I'm worried about you, dumbass."

"Because I'm--"

"Yes, because you're bleeding out of your face!" Dean curses and pulls over again. "For the love of god, Cas. What am I gonna have to do to convince you that I care about you?"

Before Dean even asks the question, though, he knows the answer. He's known the answer for a while, since last year in purgatory. Since he prayed to Cas for year, killed monsters to find him. Since Cas didn't make it out and Dean saw his face everywhere. Since Cas appeared behind him in a random motel, covered in dirt and grime.

Since he found Cas lying dead in an armchair, shirt ripped and stomach sliced open, since he lied to April to bring Cas back.

When humans want something really bad, we lie.

Well, Dean's gonna be truthful for a second. He's tried to say it before, in different words, words like that's the hardest I've laughed in a long time or I'd rather have you, cursed or not or nobody gets left behind or I need you.

He might as well say it straight.

"We're never going to get to the hospital if you keep doing this," Cas points out helpfully, and Dean just about rolls his eyes.

"Well then shut up and listen. I like myself, and the world, a whole lot better when you're around. And I like you."

"You like me."

"I love you."

Okay, he didn't mean to say that.

Yet.

Cas's reaction happens slowly and then all at once. One second, he's staring at Dean, almost blankly (although it's hard to read his expression because, once again, flannel on his face), and then the next second he's dropped the fabric and is kissing Dean.

It's actually kinda gross, because of all the blood, but Dean's mind has also stopped working so he doesn't notice that much. There's been dozens of times over the years that he's wanted to do this, more than he can count, and the shock doesn't recede until Cas is pulling away.

"My head hurts," Cas finally says.

"Okay, we're going." Dean pulls back onto the highway for real this time, although he takes one hand off the wheel and finds Cas's free hand on the seat.

(Their second kiss, after Cas has gotten stitches and one of the other nurses at the emergency room helpfully relocates Dean's shoulder, is a lot less bloody.

The rest all run together.)

#anon ask <3 #nice people!!! #offbeatwrites #this got out of hand so fast and went in like ten different directions #whoops #long post #:D #I hope this is what you wanted anon? probably is not I am so sorry

[simplepotatofarmer]

technoblade: a takedown - pt. 1

(not clickbait)

aka i go over every argument people make against c!techno one by one and determine whether they’re valid, false, or a mixture of both. i rewatched every single stream/video, including those on his alt channel, so i could approach this with the most information possible. i’ll be breaking this up into parts because there’s just too much otherwise. all about the characters unless stated.

techno believes in a ‘dog eat dog’ world - false

this is an argument i see used a lot when people discuss techno so i wanted to address it first. luckily, the stream in which he says this is only his fifth stream on the server. there’s one major reason why this argument falls apart and one minor reason that isn’t objective like the first.

first and most importantly: techno has never acted on this. even at the beginning - which is when this comment was made - he was helping his allies, from building railings to keep them from falling, making a potato farm, and all the gear he grinded for to equip his allies in pogtopia with. moving forward, he’s also helped out plenty of people: giving tommy a place to stay and items, telling phil to reach out to ranboo after doomsday, as well as giving both tommy and ranboo food when asked. there’s more, of course, but the point is he’s never once followed up on this statement. he teamed up with quackity to stop the egg. he spoke to niki about how he was giving anarchy a bad reputation because of the violence and wanted to take a different approach which he has.

when people use this argument to insist that techno is the villain, it doesn’t hold up because it’s merely taking one statement he made and upholding it as a main part of his character when his actions and later statements have shown that he doesn’t actually believe in this randian view point. objectively, i can’t see how this argument can extend beyond ‘well, he said it’. regardless of what he said during the pogtopia arc, he’s said the opposite later - wanting everyone to live free with no oppression or imperialism - and has never acted on it nor brought it up later. this take honestly seems disingenuous and was in fact the driving factor of this post.

second and not as critical, techno mentions multiple times during each of his first streams that he’s not sure who all is on his side. this is a reoccurring point for him. he makes the comment about wanting a dog eat dog world during the red festival stream, while speaking to bad and sam. the first part of the conversation is techno asking about state secrets since they’re (as far as techno knows) on manberg’s side. bad mentions schlatt killing cats and techno launches into a spiel about massive anarchy and the weak being huddled in fear, asking them how does that sound. bad says as long as there’s no cat murder, perhaps. bad then asks techno what his ‘single issue’ is and techno responds that he wants to destroy the government. to me, the context of the conversation, who he’s speaking to and what his opinion of those people is, is an important thing to consider.

techno’s ‘we’ll burn that bridge when we get to it’ comment means he was always going to betray pogtopia/l’manberg - valid but not how you think it is

i’ve seen people say that techno saying ‘we’ll burn that bridge when we get to it’ is a clear sign that he was always intending to betray pogtopia/l’manberg which, yeah? 

but i wouldn’t call it a betrayal. 

he says the ‘we’ll burn that bridge when we get to it’ line at the end of the ‘eve of revolution’ stream while he’s talking to quackity, ponk, and sam. the conversation is as follows:

techno, to quackity: i’m glad we could get to know each other. i heard you’re on our side now. i heard you betrayed schlatt.

quackity: yeah, that’s right. are you betraying anyone?

techno: no. i would never betray my personal ideals.

[some chatter from ponk and quackity]

sam: what does that mean? what if the people you’re fighting along [sic] have different ideals than you, though? doesn’t that mean you’d betray them?

techno: listen... we’ll burn that bridge when we get to it.

then techno states that he ‘said what he said’ when sam questions him about his choice of metaphor.

he actually uses the same malaphor at the beginning of the ‘revolution’ stream when they (quackity and tubbo) question him again and in that case techno definitely avoids the subject which isn’t a good thing but considering everyone was so worked up about the possible traitor, i can completely understand.

overall, techno is extremely upfront about his intentions. yes, there is definitely some miscommunication between all the parties because none of them were on the same page but that doesn’t make techno the bad guy here nor does it mean he betrayed anyone. he was upfront about his intentions from the start.

in his first two streams, he makes a joke that if they happen to set up a new government/president that he would just take that one down and it would be a never-ending cycle. over and over, he says that he wants to do destroy the government/manberg. when tommy mentions taking it back, techno says, ‘what do you mean, take it back?’ though this kind of gets lost in the middle of everything else - dsmp (lack of) communication strikes again. 

the takeaway that i see here a lot is that techno always intended to betray them because he knew tommy wanted to take back l’manberg and knew that he would go against them if they set up a new government. and this is true to an extent! he did know that tommy wanted l’manberg back and he did know that he would go against them if they set up a new government. but wilbur was also telling techno that he was on board with the whole anarchy thing. 

none of them were on the same page and that surely led to a big chunk of what happened and hurt feelings on both sides but that doesn’t mean techno betrayed anyone or that he was the bad guy for doing exactly what he said he would do from day one.

techno destroying (l’)manberg was wrong - it’s complicated

the first thing to address here is that for most anarchists, destroying a government isn’t a bad thing. in fact, taking down the government/state is basically our goal. now, i don’t speak for all anarchists, of course, but overall the general feeling is that violence in the name of overthrowing an oppressive government is not inherently bad. there’s no way to do a one-for-one here because it’s minecraft but the general sentiment remains. so while violence enacted against the state is a bad thing for people who aren’t anarchists, techno has no reason to and would not view it as inherently bad.  

but it did hurt people and techno himself acknowledges that fact. he’s acknowledged what he’s done when confronted about it. he hasn’t said he was wrong because understanding that it was hurtful doesn’t mean he believes he was wrong. to him, he wasn’t. destroying what he viewed as an oppressive system was the right thing to do, even if it hurt people.

(also this isn’t any kind of meta but i think it needs to be pointed out that wilbur had already set off the tnt and techno summoned two killable mobs which did plenty of damage but he didn’t say wilbur was the great who came before them for no reason.)

again, this is going to be the most controversial part of this post because i don’t believe destroying government is a bad thing and i don’t believe techno is wrong for believing that as well. there are better ways to address the problem and techno is adjusting his tactics but if another government was to be established, i don’t believe he would be in the wrong to destroy it because he’s an anarchist.

the tl;dr of this section honestly could just be summed up with ‘watch less marvel, read more ursula k. le guin’.

‘techno is the villain because he called tommy the hero’ - so very false 

this is a take i’ve seen that to this day i don’t understand.

techno calling tommy the hero does not mean he was setting himself up as the villain in any capacity. it was merely pointing out tommy’s habit of putting himself at the forefront of almost every conflict, trying to shoulder everything, no matter how it hurts tommy himself. the speech was directed at that and nothing else. it doesn’t mean techno is the villain, it doesn’t even mean there is a villain; there are more stories to be told than the classic hero-villain and the hero-villain narrative doesn’t always apply to stories. (i’d certainly argue that it doesn’t apply to the dream smp but that’s a different conversation.)

techno is to blame for tubbo’s death - false

i think this one has been done to death but what would a techno post be without it?

no, techno is not to blame.

he said over and over that he was outnumbered and believed that if he had done anything, everyone would’ve turned on him and ‘torn him to shreds’. even if that wasn’t the case, it is what techno believed. he had no reason to think that he could take the entire crowd out until he actually fired the rocket launcher. and remember, he tested the rocket launcher earlier during the festival on niki (who volunteered) and it didn’t kill her. when he realized the amount of splash damage it did, he gives a surprised laugh and then begins firing into the crowd. 

as for saying he was under ‘mild’ amounts of peer pressure, techno has a habit of minimizing. not just the things he’s done, but often situations that he’s been in that were stressful. he stated that he deals poorly with high stress situations and one of the cognitive distortions that can come with anxiety is minimization. techno doesn’t actually believe it was ‘mild’ peer pressure - it was a situation that caused him enough distress that he brings it up later at doomsday - but it’s easier to deal with a situation when you downplay it, it’s easier for techno to keep up that calm façade when he’s acting as if whatever happened wasn’t that big of a deal even if it was. again, the way he speaks about it on doomsday was clearly upset and emotional. 

the only person to blame for tubbo’s death is schlatt. he was the one pulling the trigger and techno was the gun.

if you made it this far, thank you for sticking it out! i spent so many hours rewatching all the streams, some of them multiple times, while taking notes to be able to do this. i’m extremely passionate about techno and i feel as if a lot of the arguments against him tend to miss the nuance of his character. this project is on-going and i’ll be going over the butcher army/retirement storylines next. feel free to submit any points you’d like to see addressed! 

#technoblade #dream smp #dsmp analysis #dsmp meta #tommyinnit #tubbo #quackity #dsmpblr #dream smp analysis #loyal does meta #this......is a lot #i spent so much time on it y'all

[onlyherefortheshowmances]

So I saw someone else get an anon message that said: “I hate to admit this, but I really can't shake the feeling that Benji loves Victor more than Victor loves Benji at this point.” I wanted to respond as well, because I think this is something people are probably seeing a lot and I really want to explain how I’m looking at it (from personal experience and just from looking at and examining the characters).

CW/TW: Mental Health, suicidal ideation/action mention, Addiction, Emotional Trauma, sex mention, Predatory relationship mention, catholicism, homophobia, misunderstandings, lack of communication, spoilers for love victor seasons 1 & 2 [let me know if I missed anything please]

I want to be frank in saying that Benji is my favorite character and I project onto him a lot (along with seeing a lot of myself in him). I’m also white AF, so I’m sure some of you think that’s relevant, but I really don’t think it is in this particular case. I do also however identify with Victor in a number of ways and I am trying to see the characters both as complex individuals with deep personal histories. Both have suffered traumas and both are clearly dealing with a lot of their own shit on top of being sixteen/seventeen and dealing with junior year of high school and all the pressures and expectations that brings for everyone.

I think what people are interpreting at loving someone more/less is actually about prioritizing someone/a relationship more/less. In my mind, from what I see on screen and interpret, they both love each other beyond words. They are both very much in love with one another. It comes down to how they display that to each other and to the public as well as where on their list of priorities this relationship falls.

Let’s start with Victor, struggles and life:

He is dealing with internalized homophobia and associated thought-patterns stemming from his upbringing in the Catholic church as well from the vocalized homophobic remarks from his mother (toward himself and Benji as well as likely at other points in his life toward strangers), his father (stating that he hopes Adrian doesn’t turn out ‘like that’; the scene in S1 where they’re at the church in Texas and he calls the hairdresser ‘flojito’; etc.), and his grandparents (on his birthday and likely at other points in his life). As a result of this, Victor tried to make himself straight (or at least interested in a girl) by dating Mia because he did like her as a person and everyone was telling him that’s what he was supposed to do. He ended up hurting her and almost losing her friendship (temporarily, he did, but she does seem to have forgiven him now).

He is dealing with outside homophobia as well. That kid on the very first day he was Creekwood responding to Benji helping him up. Felix’s comment that same day of ‘you don’t want to give people the wrong idea.’ The basketball team/gym class guys roasting him about not hooking up with Mia on the ferris wheel. Felix saying he’d be crazy to not like Mia. Lake asking ‘are you gay or something’ when he brought Felix along to Mia’s house, etc., etc. Some of these things may seem innocent enough, but they weren’t. Not to Victor who was already struggling to accept even the possibility that he might be gay. Once he managed to come out to his parents, obviously his father got better fairly quickly, but Isabel continued to struggle for six months which put even more pressure on Victor to try to lead this double life. Once he came out at school, the whole fiasco with the basketball team also occurred and that was a lot for him, because Basketball as always his safe-space. It’s where he went to get away from all the other pressure. It was something he didn’t have to think about and now suddenly, he did. Those pressure are also affecting his ability to think about what he may want and it seems affecting his ability to think (at all sometimes) about how any of that is also affecting Benji. It’s affecting him so much that he’s basically blind to how it’s also affecting Benji to see him suffer. He doesn’t even consider that possibility until Felix brings up how hard it is for him the night Felix breaks up with Lake and Venji get caught having sex.

Victor also has struggles away from just his coming out and accepting himself journey. He has the struggles associated with his parents separation. Until fairly recently, Victor always thought his parents had a perfect relationship. He saw that as the ideal. Get together in High School, get married right away, stay together for ever, happily ever after. That’s what he was raised to expect. And now he’s seeing their relationship fall apart before his eyes. Hell, his devoutly Catholic mother had an affair, and he’s wondering if it’s really possible for your first love to be your only love especially after he and Benji start butting heads, so he’s already vulnerable to that viewpoint when Rahim brings up the possibility. He gets so lost in what’s happening to his parents and what Rahim is saying about it not usually working out that he forgets how in love he is and he sort of loses his will to fight for what he wants, because maybe it’s just doomed to fail anyway (until he sees Benji at the wedding and it sort of hits again - and then Felix’s speech thereafter, obviously). He kind of loses his way by getting caught up in the statistic improbability of your first love being the one and watching his parents’ marriage potentially fall apart and he wonders for a moment if it might be easier, if it might be better to just walk away and go toward Rahim who he seem to get along with and seems to understand the things Benji doesn’t about him, but what he fails to examine in that moment is that he’s only barely scratched the surface with Rahim and that Rahim doesn’t know him like Benji does and that every relationship has it’s ups and downs and what it always comes down to is how willing both parties are to work to make things right. How much you’re willing to step into the other person’s shoes and try to understand. In my opinion, even if he were to walk away from Benji and go to Rahim, that bubble of understanding isn’t going to last forever either. He’s failing to remember that when he got together with Benji (and for most of the summer it seems) that’s exactly what it was like and failing to remember that they have grown beyond that into a deep soul-altering love for one another that deserves his time, energy, and effort and NEEDS those things to keep it going.

Now let’s talk about Victor’s priorities in life:

Victor has always been close with his family, especially his mother. The strain on that relationship is very taxing on his mental well-being. He has a hard time ‘standing up to’ her or talking back to her, etc. because he loves her and he just wants their easy, close relationship back. He already overcame his own anger at her affair to get her back, but now she’s the one pulling away because of his sexuality and it’s hurting him because if he was able to forgive her for something that was actually wrong, why can’t she forgive him for something that he has no control over. So he loves his mother and his family and he hates disappointing them. He has spent most of his life fixing his family’s issues (as he explains to Simon in S1), but now he is the issue and he doesn’t know how to handle it. When in 2x1 he decides to just bring Benji over and try exposure therapy with his mom, it backfires in a big way. Even though they barely touch each other. Even though Benji just says the word boyfriend once, it’s too much for Isabel and Victor desperately wants to please. He desperately wants to not lose his mother (who has always been the person he is closest to), so that causes him to take a step back from going against her and the steps he still takes (telling her he wants her to call Benji his boyfriend not just his friend, the whole conversation outside the church, the conversation with Adrian, etc.) are things that Benji doesn’t get to see happening and it frustrated Victor that Benji won’t even listen to him when he tries to say that his mom is making progress at all, because she is so important to him and yet it seems like Benji just doesn’t even recognize or care about that. This leads him to say the thing he does at Brasstown before Benji runs out, because he assumes that it has to do with Benji being white and of course, that is part of it, but I think Victor in that moment is so overwhelmed by the rejection of his mother and now the refusal of his boyfriend to even try to understand that he snaps. He forgets all the struggles Benji has told him from his own past and he just lashes out which causes Benji to leave [more on Benji’s viewpoint of this whole thing later].

Victor also loves basketball. It’s true that in some case LGBTQIA+ individual participate in certain activities to make them seem more ‘normal’. Gay men participating in sports to seem more macho is a common one, so Benji thinking that’s why Victor plays basketball makes sense to an extend, but he never bothers to ask Victor about, only makes assumptions, and Victor feels like the fact that he actually likes sports makes him ‘not gay enough’ (see conversation with Andrew). What he’s forgetting entirely is his encounter with Bram and the gay basketball league in NYC from episode 1x8. There are many ways to be gay, and sports gays do exist and are perfectly valid. That’s not the type of gay Benji or his friends/bandmates are, but it is the type that Victor is and Benji failing to recognize that and failing to understand or even ask Victor about that drives one of many wrenches into their relationship. In episode 1x5 when Benji shows up to Victor’s first game back on the team and does the Go Grizzlies dance with the other basketball girlfriends, it definitely does a lot of help Victor realize this was just a miscommunication/misunderstanding rather than anything malicious. Basketball and his teammates continue to be a priority for him after this, but that seems to be something Benji is now capable of understanding.

Finally, Victor loves Benji. He wants to be with Benji; there is zero doubt about that. However, for Victor when he’s put on the spot (as in episode 2x8) and basically told he has to choose his mom (who has raised him and been his closest confidant and biggest supporter for his entire life) or his boyfriend (who he’s known for almost a year and been dating for six months and is helplessly in love with) it processes as an error message in his brain. He just wants everyone to get along. He’s not mad that Adrian knows that he’s gay (he’s wanted him to know for months), but he is upset that his mom is now even angrier. [see my section about Benji in this moment, for more about Isabel’s reactions as well] In his mind, telling Adrian could wait. In his mind, he was willing to go along with his mom’s requests for a while longer just to keep the peace so to speak. He didn’t want his whole life to fall apart and that’s what he thought was about to happen in that moment. That’s why he asked Benji to leave. He didn’t want to make his mom any angrier. Could he have chosen his words better? Yes. Could he have made Benji understand better? Yes. But he’s sixteen and his brain wasn’t functioning at full capacity because post-sex brain is definitely a thing and he was also looking at his mom who has already been horrible and barely able to look at him for six months, looking even angrier after he finally thought they’d made some progress after church the previous week.

So in conclusion, regarding Victor:

He loves his family (especially his mom). He loves Benji. He loves Basketball. Obviously, he’s not going to prioritize basketball over either of the human beings involved, but I think it’s important to at least note it’s importance in his life. As for Isabel vs. Benji. To Victor, these are the two most important people in his life. All he wants is to be able to love both of them and have both of them love him in return. When they are pit against each other, especially directly, it’s hard for him to make a choice. It’s hard for him to say ‘no’ to his mom and it’s hard for him to say ‘no’ to Benji, but in the moment (episode 2x8 specifically), he takes Isabel’s side, because he knows the ramifications of saying no to her and of making her even more angry that she already is are far worse than the ones for asking Benji to leave for the night. He failed to realize however, how close Benji already was to the edge and how upset he was going to be and how little he understood (or was willing to try to understand) about the situation. This is something he really needs to communicate with Benji (even though it’s not quite as important now that Isabel’s apparently come around). I think it’s important for Benji to understand that Victor values his relationship with his mother enough that it’s difficult for him to go against her without a lot of preparation and having a fully fledged reason, etc.

Now for Benji - Struggles and Life:

The obvious of course is that Benji is a sixteen/seventeen year old that’s barely a year sober and attending AA meetings regularly. Recovering from Alcoholism is difficult at any age let alone for a teenager. One of the most important factors in recovery is looking at the things that led you to drink in the first place. Looking at things that may be considered triggers and either learning to avoid those people/situations or learning healthy alternatives in those situations. I have multiple family members who are both actively drinking alcoholics as well as those in recovery. I also lost my best friend/ex-fiancé to alcoholism a few years ago, so to say I have some personal experience in this arena is putting it lightly. Benji admits to Victor in 1x7 that he used to drink a lot because he knew he was gay, but didn’t want to be. To me that whole story screamed, I’m an alcoholic and while a lot of others agreed with that opinion. I was not shocked that Victor didn’t understand that underlying truth. Those that don’t have intimate familiarity with alcoholism often do not recognize the signs (either as they happen when when they are not directly told). It is made clear in episodes 2x7 & 2x8 that Benji hates this part of himself, in fact he says as much to Victor when he arrives at his apartment late the night of his birthday. Benji has still not fully accepted that the alcoholic part of himself that attends AA meetings and drinks orange juice while his friends are drinking vodka is one and the same with the part of himself that loves Victor with all his heart. This is something I’d really like to see him reconcile and work on in season 3 and beyond. Understand that you can’t compartmentalize yourself. You are but one whole person and all facets of yourself are in fact part of the singular you. [Not accounting for those with dissociative identity disorder.] It’s not directly mentioned if he’s still struggling with urges to drink, but most if not all alcoholics do, especially when experiencing those aforementioned triggers. Seeing Benji meeting with his sponsor after the incident with Isabel/Victor is not shocking to me and if anything, that was the healthy and correct response on his part. The reason he was drinking in the first place was that he was gay and didn’t want to be (internalized and probably external homophobia) and he just experience some really intense homophobia at the hands of his boyfriend’s mom (and partially said boyfriend himself). Benji’s lack of understanding of where Isabel was coming from in episode 1x8 speaks volumes to just how traumatize Benji still is about his own experiences with homophobia. The only thing he can think about in that moment is that this woman hates me for being gay. She hates her son for being gay. Being gay isn’t okay, etc. What he doesn’t factor in is that Isabel is also devoutly Catholic. I honestly don’t think it’s the gay part of the sex that horrified her the most. The Catholic faith is also very clear on the practice of abstinence from sex (at all) prior to marriage. She would’ve responded the same way had she walked in on Victor having sex with a girl, in my opinion, but in the moment Benji’s own trauma is overriding his ability to understand that because all he can see is the homophobia. This is especially true after she calls him Victor’s friend rather than his boyfriend and that in my opinion, is why he snaps. Could he have phrased it better? Yes. Could he have said it without shouting? Yes. But he is a freshly seventeen-year-old whose brain is not functioning on all cylinders in that moment.

Sort of coupled with his alcoholism and recovery therefrom is the allusion his mother makes to ‘dark times’ following his accident. I do have suspicions that perhaps he was also struggling with mental illness, and likely continues to. Depression to the point of suicidal ideation or actions (possibly only in the form of drinking, but possibly in other forms as well). Anxiety is pretty obvious from his actions and reactions throughout the series as well. I also think he is dealing with some sort of trauma-based disorder stemming from the homophobia he experienced (especially the instance of his father taking him to strip-club). It may go as far as C-PTSD (which I myself am diagnosed with) or it maybe something less (or even more). I’m not in the habit of sticking mental health diagnoses of people (fictional or otherwise though). Dealing with these things on top of what in his eyes feels like rejection from not only Isabel, but in a way from Victor as well likely causes some very unpleasant thought patterns and the potential for thought spirals and the likely. I also see indications that he could suffer from co-dependency (whish I also have dealt with in the past), but I’m honestly not sure if that’s me projecting or if it’s actually there.

Then on top of all of that, his boyfriend who he loves more than anything in the world, tells his deepest darkest secret to someone he’s literally never met or spoken to and that said boyfriend has only known for maybe a week at best and thinks it’s no big deal. In that moment, I can 110% see why Benji requests to take a break and I feel that choice is 110% the right one to make. What is a relationship built on if not trust? Victor just destroyed most if not all of the trust Benji had in him. That doesn’t mean he stopped loving him, just that he doesn’t trust him. Love isn’t something you can turn off and on like a light switch especially not the kind these two share. I definitely think Victor has a lot of explaining to do and a lot of apologies to make. I do also think they both need to have a really long, really honest and open conversation. Benji needs to be willing to get a little vulnerable and explain why certain things are causing him so much distress, but he also needs to be willing to listen to Victor explain why he can’t simply go against his mother as Benji seems to think he should. They both really demonstrated a degree of selfishness this season along with an lack of communication and a lack of willingness to understand or even try to understand each other’s points of view and that is a recipe for disaster in any relationship.

There also exists the issue of Benji’s parents. His mother especially seems to overstep quite frequently and insert herself into his life where she was not invited or expected. I do wonder if this was always her personality or if this is something that started after Benji’s accident. I have a hunch it was likely the latter. I see indications that perhaps there was some neglect or just general indifference on his parents part as he was growing up. They clearly missed that he had started drinking heavily and that he stole his dad’s car that night. He was also evidently dating Derek for quite a while before the accident. (Derek is another section by himself though.) This not to mention the fact that his father took him to a strip club and paid for a lap dance when he was no more than sixteen if he was even that old, in an effort to turn him straight. Benji tells Victor in episode 1x7 that he and his dad used to be close and that they used to go to Dollywood on road trips and other such things, but that he’s been distant since he came out. We see from the scene where he walks in on Benji and Victor making out that he’s not vocally/outwardly homophobic, but I would not doubt that he still harbors some of those viewpoints in himself. It’s evident to me that Benji is not close to his parents (he may once have been, but at this point it’s pretty clear that he’s not anymore). Benji doesn’t have siblings to the best of our knowledge. It’s also mentioned that his nana (like a paternal grandmother) is deceased, so it’s really not clear how much contact he even has with his extended family or how much of one exists. For these reasons, in his mind, there is no circumstance where his family (especially not his parents) would take precedence of his own happiness or Victor’s. That is why it confuses/hurts/angers him that Victor doesn’t stand up to Isabel, because if the roles were reversed, he would have no problem at all telling his own mother (or father) off. He doesn’t seem to comprehend Victor’s need to keep his relationship with his mother intact. I’m very glad Isabel pointed out to him that Victor has stood up to her and risked their relationship for him, but the disconnect still lies in that Benji isn’t a fan of the fact that he didn't’ do that in his presence and that he didn’t do more.

Then there’s Derek. Derek is at least a sophomore in college in season 2 as he was clearly in college in season 1 as well. Meaning he is at least 19/20 when Benji is 16/17. They had been together for a year the previous spring (episode 1x6) which means they started dating when Benji was 15 and Derek was no younger than 18 (I think he is like at least a year older than the youngest possibility). Georgia’s age of consent is 16, and there are no ‘Romeo and Juliet’ laws in place in the state meaning it is categorically illegal for anyone 18 years of age or older to engage in sexual acts with anyone 15 years of age or younger unless they are legally wed, meaning until Benji’s 16th birthday, this relationship was illegal in general not to mention the predatory nature of someone in college dating a high school sophomore to begin with. They generally don’t prosecute if the people involved are within 4 years of each other though (which coincides with ‘Romeo and Juliet’ laws in other states) which they could’ve been within depending on Derek’s actual age and birthday. It doesn’t seem like charges were filed either way which is questionable on Benji’s parents part. Benji also tells Victor in 1x10 that Derek made him feel bad a lot of the time about the things he like and about being a romantic, we also see Derek crap all over Benji’s special anniversary date in 1x6. The toxicity of that relationship is sure to have left it’s mark on Benji and carried over into his new relationship with Victor. I also find it questionable that knowing that, Benji was shitting all over Victor’s love for basketball at one point (isn’t that exactly what he complained about Derek doing to him about his interests?), though as you see in my earlier comments, I do understand that perhaps Benji wasn't’ fully aware that Victor actually liked basketball and wasn’t just doing it to seem straight/make his dad happy/etc. I also think it’s quite confusing that Victor managed to come up with that date idea for Benji in 1x6 and then the best he could do for Benji’s birthday was champagne and sex? I’d be more than marginally hurt over that if I was Benji, to be completely fair. It is also worth it to note that Benji stayed with Derek for over a year despite all of their problems (which goes back to the possibility of co-dependency issues) and yet he was willing to break up with him just to chase after the possibility of Victor. They had already connected on so many levels even prior to that night that even the possibility of that relationship made Benji willing to leave someone he’d been with for more than a year (obviously Victor’s little speech in the hallway played a part in that).

Benji’s Priorities:

In Benji’s world, he has a few things that could be considered priorities.

Maintaining his sobriety is obviously one, but he keeps that separate from everything else. I don’t see it being held above or below anyone or anything. It’s just a completely separate thing to him (which again I feel he needs to reconcile). He was able to do that while also appeasing his friends and Victor (see episode 2x4 where he switches out his cups).

His music/band is obviously a priority, but again that’s something basic that everyone knows about and accepts. He doesn’t have choose between that and anything or anyone else that we’re shown.

Victor is his primary priority however. To him, that is the most important relationship/person in his life. He doesn’t know what he’d do without him. He says he loves that part of his life which I take to mean, he loves who he is when they’re together and not so much when they’re apart. To him, there is no question of who he would choose if there was a choice in front of him between Victor and literally anyone else (including his parents). That is why it confuses/hurts/angers him when the choice isn’t so simple for Victor when he actually has to make one between Benji and Isabel. Benji isn’t close with his parents and he doesn’t seem to understand what it is like for someone that is. Even if his parents didn’t come around right away. Even if they still may not be fully on board with everything, it didn't’ matter that much to him, because he could stand up to them because he didn’t care about destroying a relationship, because there already wasn’t much of one to begin with. This leads to him not understanding that Victor is seriously conflicted in the moments where he is made to choose between his boyfriend and his mother, because to Benji that choice is crystal clear. Again, they could really do with an honest conversation about this where Benji actually listens and tries to understand where Victor’s coming from, because right now, I think he just doesn’t quite get it. It’s clear that Isabel’s speech at Brasstown helped him to understand or at least start to, and obviously now that Isabel isn’t so much of an obstacle everything becomes a little easier, but it is still something that I really feel they need to discuss and understand about each other.

In conclusion:

Both of these boys need therapy (individual, family, and couples), and they would really benefit from a lot more open and honest communication where they both are able to speak honestly about their needs and desires as well as both being able to listen to and understand (or try to at least) one another.

#long post #this is so fucking long #text wall #i'm sorry #venji #love victor #victor salazar #benji campbell #mental health #addicition #alcohol #alcoholism #trauma #emotional trauma #homophobia #age of consent #predatory relationships #catholicism #family relationships #neglectful parents #let me know if you want me to tag anything else in this please #suicide

[petri808]

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Inukag AU

The drive back to the Higurashi home in Miroku’s car was eerily silent. Inuyasha slouched in the back seat with his arms crossed, internally freaking out, and ears buried beneath white fur. His mind was so frazzled with thoughts it sounded like white noise and felt like a staticky screen with a killer ready to crawl through it. What was he gonna say to Kagome?! Would he be able to face the woman at all?! Mrs. Higurashi had called Sango before leaving to let them know they were on the way, but they had no idea if Kagome would be up for this either on such short notice. Should he just throw himself onto the ground, prostrated and begging for mercy? It sounded extreme, but Inuyasha really had no idea what to do.

Inuyasha followed behind Mrs. Higurashi, shoulders slumped, and head hung with Miroku behind ready to grab him if he tried to run— again… like he’d tried as soon as the car pulled up to the house. But in his weakened condition, he was easier to control. She opened the door, moving to the side to let him go first, but he just shook his head and refused to budge.

“Inu, it’s going to be okay,” she gently cajoled. “The hardest part is over, now all there is, is up.”

Miroku put a hand on the hanyo’s shoulder. “We’re not gonna say it’ll all work out, but you’ll never know until you do this and get closure. Both of you need this, Inuyasha.”

“Fine,” Inuyasha grumped. “If I do this and it doesn’t work out, you’ll leave me alone?”

“Yes.”

“So, I can die in peace?”

“Yeah… nice try,” Miroku patted the man’s shoulder then shoved him hard unexpectedly.

Inuyasha stumbled forward into the house and landed on his knees. “Bastard!” He growled.

Miroku just shrugged as he closed the door behind him. “At least you’re in now.” He held out a hand and yanked Inuyasha to his feet. “Come on, they’re waiting in the living room.”

The hanyo trudged and drug his feet despite the constant pressure Miroku had on his back to propel him forward. As they rounded the corner into the room, Inuyasha’s senses were on high alert. His eyes and ears scanning, processing, nose looking for scent variations from the three other people in the room. Mrs. Higurashi was already seated next to Kagome on the couch with their backs to the men as the entered, and Sango was upstairs with the twins. Salt lingered in the tense air like an old melody not yet forgotten and ready to be rekindled. Inuyasha could feel the despair emanating from Kagome and it was enough to send him deeper into a panic.

“You can do this,” Miroku whispered to his friend as he prompted Inuyasha towards the couch paralleling Kagome’s. “Let’s just sit down, and we’ll get through this slowly.”

But as the hanyo sat down, Inuyasha heard an audible gasp come from Kagome. His head whipped up at the sound and instantly the buzzing in his brain stopped when it saw her widened, tear laden eyes staring at him with her hand to her mouth in shock. The pure embarrassment and guilt that flooded his mind in that instant simply destroyed him. Inuyasha sank lower into the couch and averted his eyes to the floor. He knew exactly why she reacted that way. Hadn’t Mrs. Higurashi warned her daughter of his physical state? Obviously not.

“I-I’m sorry,” Inuyasha’s quieted voice cracked. “I wish you didn’t have to see me like this.”

“But… why, Inu…” Kagome’s own voice shook, not in anger, but sadness. “Why?”

Inuyasha searched for the right words that might soften the blow but couldn’t think of any. So, he gave Miroku and Mrs. Higurashi desperate glances, eyes begging for an answer until Mrs. Higurashi finally spoke up and directed him to tell her daughter the truth. “This is not the time to hide anything, Inuyasha. Kagome deserves to know what you are thinking just as much as you deserve to know what she is thinking. Only then can you move forward.”

“I— didn’t think…” Inuyasha closed his eyes as tears instantly broke loose. His voice grew strained and tortured. “Life wasn’t worth living since I lost you, so I just gave up. Stopped eating and let my body give up too.”

“But you didn’t lose me yet. I wasn’t ready to talk to you, but that didn’t mean I was ready to throw everything away too.”

“How would I know that?! You never responded to my messages so what else was I supposed to think?!”

“You cry and sulk like I did! Not try to kill yourself!”

“It’s my fault you left that night! It’s my fault you got into the accident! It’s my fault you almost died and lost your memory! And I screwed up again by not listening to you! So, why should I keep living?! I think you’d be better off without me.”

“Yeah, okay so you fucked up! But who the hell are you to decide about what’s better for me?! Huh?!? That’s my choice to make and I don’t think I’d be better off if you died!”

“Okay, okay,” Mrs. Higurashi leaned forward and waved her hands as the fighting couple instantly sat back with arms crossed in anger. “It seems crazy, but this is good, and you need to get whatever you’re thinking off your chests and not hold it in. But…” she paused and gave each side a look before continuing. “The next step is to start seeing it from the other’s perspective. So, before you respond, stop and think.”

Regardless of the advice, the anger and frustration fueling both Kagome and Inuyasha had them locked away in their own minds. So, they ignored the woman and sat hunched in their seats, arms locked tight, and faces turned away as tears still trickled down their faces. Two passionate souls burdened by guilt and letting it win in a deadlock.

To break the stalemate, Mrs. Higurashi moved from the couch to the floor, sitting between them. She continued with a sigh. “Miscommunication is both of your problems; you keep assuming things without verifying it first. And we get it. Emotional stuff is the hardest to deal with, but that means it needs an even greater amount of communication to take place.”

She turned first to Inuyasha, placing a hand on his knee. “You’re right, Inuyasha. Kagome should have responded to messages, even if it was to say give her time, that she needed to think before she could talk to you. But you also shouldn’t have assumed killing yourself would be better for her, only she can make that kind of decision and I know you know rationally; Kagome would never have wanted such a thing.”

Next turning to Kagome, she placed her other hand on her daughter’s knee. “And Kagome, everyone processes emotions differently. All these months you couldn’t feel any loss because you couldn’t remember it, but Inuyasha has been living with that guilt the entire time. By telling him to just cry and sulk like you did is not taking into consideration the months of pain he’s been dealing with versus a week for you.”

Mrs. Higurashi squeezed both their knees. “It doesn’t matter who is right or wrong or placing blame, it’s about understanding. Taking into consideration the other persons feelings before reacting. Do you understand?”

“Yeah…”

“I guess so…”

“Good. Now forget about this week’s incident for the moment. Inuyasha tell Kagome what you’d told me during our conversations right after the accident, about how guilty you felt.”

Inuyasha’s arms uncrossed and dropped to his sides in an exhausted sigh. His voice teetered and cracked as it held back the sadness still roiling in his heart. “Kagome, I… I can’t change the past. And you’re right. The old me wasn’t listening to you when I should have been. I stupidly thought that because you were the one, I was coming home to, that you’d see how little Kikyo meant in my life. So, when you complained, I thought you were just being jealous. But I didn’t realize until it was too late that her being around was hurting you so much or that she was doing things behind my back to make you miserable. I’m sorry… very, very sorry for being a blind fool.”

“I’m sorry too,” Kagome sighed, “for pushing you away without explanation. You deserved at least that much. While I still don’t fully understand what caused me to snap the night of the accident, I should’ve given you some credit for everything you’ve done since then to make it up, because you did make me really happy all these months.”

“I did?” The surprise was genuine in Inuyasha’s tone.

“You did…” Kagome fidgeted with her fingers, “and that’s probably why I reacted so harshly after the party. The only way I can explain it is, for me… it felt like… I was falling in love for the first time then suddenly having my heart broken, and that really hurt.”

“Y-You… lov—” the words choked up in Inuyasha’s throat as he processed Kagome’s words. He’d hoped to win her over, but assumed it would take time, so to hear her say she was falling in love… “I don’t even think I deserve it anymore for putting you through so much.”

Kagome frowned. “Don’t say that. You’re not perfect, but deep down I know you care a lot about me. If I didn’t feel that from you, I wouldn’t have given you the second chance.”

It was as if Mrs. Higurashi could sense the hanyo’s reluctance to accept what her daughter was saying. So, she counseled him further. “Inuyasha, son, I know right now it still feels like dark times, but keep in mind this is just the beginning towards fixing things. I’m sure there will be times more things come up, trust still needs to be rebuilt, especially when Kagome’s full memories return, but what she… we are trying to tell you is that you are worth it, and it’s by communicating like you’re doing now that the future can be bright again.”

“Do you… want that?” Kagome’s voice quieted. “Or do you still want to give up?”

Inuyasha broke right then and there. He got off the couch and kneeled before Kagome with ears drooping, throwing himself to the woman’s mercy because he still couldn’t look at her face. “I want that— I want it more than anything.”

Kagome leaned down and cradled his face in her hands, raising it so she could look into his eyes. “Then don’t give up because I haven’t. My heart still tells me I was born to meet you…”

Inuyasha’s eyes widened in recognition.

Kagome stopped with a gasp. “I feel like I’ve said that before. Did I… say that before?”

The tears renewed in Inuyasha’s smiling eyes. “You said it to me on our 1st anniversary— a-and I responded that I was born to meet you too.”

Tears gathered in Kagome’s eyes and her hands reached up to cover her mouth. “I remember it. Oh, my kami… I remember that.” She looked back to him. “It was next to the Goshinboku— at sunset, because I remember the colors were pretty too.”

“Your hair looked like it was on fire with that lighting…” Inuyasha smiled, taking her hands into his own, “and I kissed you for the first time,” he kissed her fingers. “You were the light in my dark world after losing my mom, and I knew then, that I could never love anyone else more than you, Kagome. I’m so sorry for putting you through hell.” His eyes softened into a hopeful puppy-dog look. “Third times the charm?”

“You big dummy!” But Kagome’s eyes softened into a smile too as she leaned in and hugged him. “It better be!”

Mrs. Higurashi took the opportunity and moved back to the couch while Miroku stood up from his seat and cleared his throat to get the couples attention. “You’re welcome, Inu. Now, that things are settled I should check on Sango.” He nodded his head and left the room.

“Thanks, Roku,” Inuyasha mumbled back.

“Do you want to stay for dinner, Inuyasha?” Mrs. Higurashi asked. “If not, Miroku can take you home.”

“I’d like to stay if that’s okay. I think my appetite is coming back.”

“Of course,” Mrs. Higurashi smiled. She stood up, but before leaving placed her hands on their shoulders. “I’m so proud of both of you. Just hang out here and keep talking things out. Dinner will be ready in about 30 minutes.”

“Thanks, mom…”

“Inu?” Kagome brought his attention back to her.

“Yeah?”

“This might sound crazy, especially after this whole crisis we just went through but… I wonder since the memories are coming back quicker, I could come back home and maybe that’ll help to unlock more.”

Inuyasha was shocked but he’d be crazy to say no. He could only pray it wasn’t too awkward. “If that’s what you want, yeah. I can take the spare room if that’ll make you feel more comfortable.”

Kagome smiled. “I appreciate it a lot.”

“Anything to help you get your memories back…”

#inuyasha #inukag #inukag au #kagome higurashi #inukag fan fic #inukag fan fiction #modern au inuyasha #inuyasha x kagome #inukago #ch 12 #missing memories #petri808

[egyptian-sun-god]

Never Have I ever S2

SPOILERS.....Turn back now I’m serious.

I’m waiting....

Okay cool your fault at this point

I was fairly critical of NHIE S1, I won’t lie. And I’ll be real I still stand by the fact that NHIE S1 was fairly meh overall. 

But holy shit, they knocked this season outta the world man. The show really really found its proper footing this season. They were smart to keep the cheating for only two episodes and explore the repercussion for the other 8. 

1.Devi Vishwakumar.

Let’s start with the main character.  Devi still does immensely fucked up shit this season. Dating two boys and have them find out in the MOST humiliating way possible. Yikes. Being a really sucky friend to Aneesa and starting that rumour about her (inadvertently) and pretending to her. Stalking her mother and being possessive of her. The really awful apology that was pretty self centred, a bit not good. 

 But she really does do her best to improve and I am SO proud of that. She uses her father’s advice and apologizes better to Aneesa, she actually handled the Ben and Aneesa dating WAAAAY better than I’ve seen some people handle things like that. I might’ve blown a fuse if two of my friends had 4 tickle fights and had major PDA sessions when we were trying to do a group project. Like she handled that shit fairly well all things considered. Devi actually gets into the beginnings of delving into her trauma and her temporary paralysis and healing from it. I

 really see how the label ‘crazy’ weighs on her and how she blew up with it and the message of destigmatizing mental illness. (Crazy Aneesa and Crazy Devi)  Her properly bonding with her mother and watching videos of her father and remembering/honouring his memory hit REALLY HARD (since I lost many people in my family recently and that fear of forgetting them has been real). Devi is actually beginning to heal from the loss of her father by strengthening the relationship with her Amma. And the slap from Paati was so so needed, it really gave her a better respect of her mother and fixed the problem I had with Devi mouthing off so much to her Amma. I live to see good maamiyar marumagal relationships. Her relationship with Paxton is really good and it gets developed very logically and having her be scared of being pathetic but in the end she accepted her own self worth and stopped chasing after them which was good. 

Overall Devi really blossomed into her own developing person and I actually like her so much more this season. 

2. Paxton Hall Yoshida

I was honestly, like genuinely sad last season he was like 80% eye candy with not much else going for him. Paxton had so much faith as a character and Ms Kaling has really pulled him into such a better person this season. 

Paxton got hit by a car before swim season, lost his ticket to college and wow, got two timed by a girl he liked all in two episodes. If he was salty about that for more than one season I would’ve completely accepted it. Cause that’s a bad public humiliation. 

Paxton episode really really made me love him as a character (honestly more so than Ben) I think because I heard Paxton’s entire worry and irritation that he was being underestimated and no one really expected him to go to college from a friend of mine not more than a month ago. That shit is real, and it hurted my friends a lot that people were really underestimating them and just seeing them as a dumb athlete who has no hope of college. It’s really nice to see Paxton actually want to go to college and learn Japanese American side with his Oji-chan giving him advice and supporting him. And him bringing his grandfather to speak about the internment camps, that seriously do not get spoken about enough.

Also him putting effort and making a genuine effort to work hard and bring up his grades with Devi and therefore bonding with her was really nice to see. I wouldn’t mind them being endgame but Devi does really work a lot better as his pushy Indian mom/best friend/tutor.  And Devi getting mad at him for him expecting him to hold his hand throughout really hit well. Was it deserved yeah. But Devi also did blow him off after promising him to study so his anger is justified there. I’m just kinda vibing with Paxton like coming up and taking a better interest in school and being a full 3D character. And that one scene where he gives the extra credit presentation and Trent high fives the man. Classic. 

Can I also just say, it’s kinda valid that Paxton didn’t want to date her in public. Is it a dick move...yeah? But he’s within his rights to ask and she’s within her rights to deny. And he didn’t press her once she said no, he went along with it. And what Devi pulled on him is awful, and speaking as someone who’s seen popular kid cliques. Reputation really is important. Like what Devi did made Paxton lose face, if he gets back with Devi he ain’t gonna have any respect left in him. And Paxton was pretty right in deciding to not date her publicly, like even in the end he knows that his reputation is shot for what he did. Do we even know if Paxton has friends that aren’t fixated on his social status? Because becoming a social pariah without having any support of friends is gonna hurt like a bitch. Lord knows how Paxton gonna deal with it. I think Trent might be his only homie after the social downfall he will inevitably face. 

I’m just gonna say, Paxton is my favourite now and I’m really rooting for him. Something I decidedly did not do last season. I’m happy Ms Kaling developed him so much and got me interested. 

3. Ben Gross

Ah. Ben. Ben’s not my faaavouriteee.......like he’s fine. But I don’t love him. I can definitely see him and Devi becoming an almost endgame couple though. Especially with S2 ending. 

Ben is fine and he’s pretty developed, especially with his episode in S1 and it was good he took a backseat this season and let everyone else star. I feel like he’ll come back strong next season though. 

Personally do I ship him with Devi? No. I’ve been in a friendship with the similar competitive dynamic as Ben and Devi. And it was terrible. We loved to argue and we got each other’s super brainy side as Devi puts it. But we pushed each other faar too much and even the small things became arguments and each pthers achievements became jealousy. So yeah....I don’t have too much faith in the dynamic due to personal bias, but I’d love to see how it gets handled. 

Also my brother Ben, PDA is a thing and it is common courtesy to refrain from it. Man’s really going at it with Aneesa half the time. But also the moment where Aneesa sort of choked on the presentation and Ben’s irritation at it gave me BAAAD vibes. It feels like while Devi can match him, they might push each other too far, 

4. Kamala 

I LOVE KAMALA. Girl is an ENTIRE vibe. My sweetheart, love of my life. I could go on. I really like her development as well and the banter between her and Nalini. The part where Nalini practically said she looked like a call girl and she was like ippadi potathaan velaila mariyaatha kidaikum. I legit had to pause, scream in laughter for a good few seconds. 

They had such a good story with her and wanting to fight against the fact that they took her work and didn’t credit her and everyone was telling her to like take it bowing. Prasanth’s advice unfortunately checked out to me, because I’ve been told that all my life. My dad says it a lot and I know he doesn’t say it cause’ he doesn’t believe in me, but he loves me and wants my life to be easier and for me to succeed and his experience is that he’s had to deal with things like this and fighting won’t help. So yeah, what Prasanth said did not rub me the wrong way at all and I agreed with it and I’m fairly disappointed about that. I get that she got nervous and had cold feet about marriage but I do hope she and Prasanth can work this out through communication. Because I really don’t feel like Prasanth is the bad guy here. It’s just a miscommunication. 

So yeah, a LOT of Kamala’s storyline continues to really hit me hard. 

5. Nalini Vishwakumar

Nalini really had so much more screentime to blossom. I love that she has a good relationship with Mohan’s amma. It’s wonderful and I love it. Also I was shocked to see the house in Chennai. Like this house...in Chennai. The Chennai I’m used to and the Chennai they are used to are different Chennai’s. Basically wealth gap is crazy as hell and I was lowkey highkey confused if the actually shot this shit in Chennai. But props to the directors for putting some proper Tamil vibes in there. Like the scene where they kaala thottu kumbudurathu (touch the elder’s feet) before they leave for the US is so real and so vibes. I like that they decided to bring paati back. I was like hoping for it.

Also they really went at developing Nalini’s character as a workaholic mom who doesn’t get her daughter. That’s also a really common thing in Indian households with one working parent so I’m happy they portrayed that. I’m happy Nalini actually has a life outside her family portrayed and is still such a typical mother that it hits HARD. I love Nalini and she really developed as a character dealing with grief from Mohan’s death, the wish to move on with Dr.Jackson but knowing that she isn’t ready yet. 

They gave her character a life and proper working outside Devi and it really has shown to develop her character and impact her relationship with Devi. The advice to “just say yes” works with cousins and younger siblings as well, I’ve heard it before and used it..and it saves so much time. Especially with small children. 

(A memory I have is of my younger cousin going on and on about a princess and a castle and fighting a dragon and the witches and so much fantasy shit and ended with do you wanna come? I just clocked off my CCA’s and I had no energy left to question it so I just went yeah sure. Easiest decision, and 10/10 advice. )

6. Aneesa

I’m not gonna lie. I was skeptical of Aneesa and I didn’t like how Devi saw her in the trailer. But Aneesa reminds me so much of me....and its killing me. 

Also the scene where she charms the hell out of Nalini and paati ma has literally happened to me before. Most of my Indian friends hate it..because I was raised with a lot more traditional manners with my grandparents so me and my siblings all are old fashioned which parents LOVE. And I really saw that Aneesa charming them and Devi also realizing, Damn none of my friends actually treat my family the way they should be treated, perks of having an Indian friend. 

Also the scene where she gets Devi out of trouble is so so real. Because if you have one responsible friend that you parents trust, you could lie the hell to them, get you homie to back you up and it will work. Personal experience. So yeah, Aneesa character resonated with me a lot.

I also like that she wasn’t just a popular 1D Indian girl but she was genuinely cool and actually had proper issues and development where she gets more open to Sherman Oaks and actually kinda properly rebels against Noor, with having Ben as a boyfriend. 

I feel like Aneesa has a lot more potential for growth, especially with the relationship with Ms Noor and Aneesa acting as a foil to Nalini and Devi’s. Also, I feel like Aneesa can grow within her social status at school as well and have Devi maturely handle it. Aneesa I feel will really really challenge Devi’s ability to be mature. 

7. Eleanor and Fabiola’s plotlines

Okay like actually, major props to Ms Kaling man. This show touches so so many teen issues in one goddamn show. Emotionally manipulative relationships. So SO good. A lot of newer age relationships have a much more subtle and dangerous line of abuse that’s hard to find out. Like honestly it took me a while to see it as well and I realized oh fuck. oh fuck...I see it it’s bad. They really got the essence of Eleanor’s flamboyance matching with Malcom? (is it Malcolm..fuck it it’s Malcolm now) his “suaveness” and traditionally charming tendency. It made sense and it’s very realistic how Eleanor got played like a damn fiddle. I also again feel that the make up was faar to quick but I really appreciate that Eleanor got her own storyline with her step-mom and understanding of relationships instead of the show hyperfocusing on just Devi. I respect that a lot.  Petition to get a Eleanor narration episode. 

Fabiola’s storyline also was well taken. It’s an interesting added layer to the queer experience and how queerness can be expected to be performative and but really its all about being more of yourself. The idea that queer people don’t owe nobody anything or have to perform an ideal version of queerness and Fabiola struggling with that kinda hit. The part where they talked about her mother learning to support them and being Cricket? Queen/King. Like being trailblazers for the POC community and the LGBTQ+ community having overlapping struggles. Again, I liked that Fabiola was getting more personal screentime and less of her story revolving around Devi’s. 

8. Everything else

I liked that there was more Tamil being casually thrown around. Like the Kamala vaadi to hold the suitcase down as they zipped it together was funny and relatable. The accents were really interesting because I promise you, I had no clue what they were saying sometimes. Nalini’s dialogues in Tamil were like immensely difficult to understand, and my Tamil is fluent. This isn’t a criticism... I’m fairly certain the difference is to do with the regional difference. American Tamil and Malaysian + rural Tamil slang are going to have huge accent differences so there’s no surprise that I found Nalini’s Tamil hard to understand. 

I’m really really really meh about the Kamala and Manish/Mr Kulkarni thing. I still think she should sort it out with Prasanth maybe but I’m open to seeing where it goes. I might change my mind with it. 

This show like any other show had its highs and lows. But I really really do feel that NHIE season 2 managed to truly figure out what the hell it wants to do and developed into a very strong and very entertaining show in terms of representation and diversity. I’m looking forward to season 3. 

#nhie netflix #nhie season 2 #nhie s2 #nhie spoilers #nhie review #never have i ever #never have i ever season 2 #never have i ever spoilers #i have a lot of thoughts #bear with me here

[xoxo-ren-xoxo]

Tommy’s (and Tubbo’s) Character /rp /dSMP

This is a bit of a rant so like be warned. I have nothing against any CCs mentioned in this, this is all roleplay, lighthearted, and just a bit of fun analysis. Mostly this is a ramble about how I see certain people analysing Tommy’s character on tumblr and twt, and why I think they’re wrong. This isn’t directed at anyone specific, just a trend I’ve been seeing that kinda irks me. I don’t dislike the fandom, just a few ‘takes’ have been really weird for me.

TW for everything below: analysing the effects of trauma, abuse, manipulation, gaslighting, and lack of therapy.

I’m not really liking how victim-blamey everyone is getting currently in the dSMP, both in fandom and canon. In canon with certain characters but especially in fan analysis posts and especially about Tommy and Tubbo. People legitimately celebrating that Tommy might start ‘apologising’ for his actions more and 'growing as a person' somehow don’t realise that hes been made this way through a tonne of negative reinforcement. abuse, and gaslighting. And people blaming Tubbo for actions he had no choice in, rather than the actions he did choose.

Currently, as I see it, Tommy is so scared that anyone would find a reason to be pissed off at him that his fighting spirit has been completely crushed. He was exiled and abused when he should have been helped and given an understanding figure to guide him and teach him how to deal with things non-violently. In everyone’s eyes, the problem was that Tommy was creating violence with no real reason, acting recklessly and commiting crimes. Tubbo, having made him a part of his cabinet, knew that this would only harm the country. So instead of talking to him reasonably, he got angry, put him on trial, and punished him with the logbook (humiliating him by making him report back to Fundy, which he obviously hated). Tommy’s actions were, of course, bad, but did he deserve everyone ganging up on him? No. Especially when Tubbo was supposed to be in his corner, helping him out like he always said he would (”It’s me and you vs Dream” etc). This is the first betrayal of trust from Tommy’s POV. He doesn’t understand what he did wrong to its full extent, and no one can explain it to him. 

However, Tubbo was under a lot of pressure from Dream and George, and he’s a literal child President, so his ‘safety over friendship’ actions are understandable. I don’t believe Tubbo is solely to blame for anything he’s done in season 2, but it can’t all be excused. If you are to blame Tommy for his recklessness, you have to blame Tubbo, at least partially, for his disregard for Tommy’s feelings and mental state. There were other ways to go about the entire thing, including the trial, which was just horrible to watch, and agreeing to give Dream the disc, something Tommy gave him in pure confidence that it would be safe with Tubbo. Yikes moment.

At that time, Tubbo knew a lot of things about Tommy. In fact, he probably knew the most about Tommy out of anyone on the server. He knew the discs were incredibly important and a comfort item for Tommy. He knew Tommy had trauma from being exiled in the past. He knew Tommy was abused, or at least manipulated by Wilbur, in addition to growing up in war. Wilbur once told Tommy to stop being reckless, and Tommy listened, changing his attitude because he looked up to Wilbur so much. Then Wilbur said ‘let’s be the bad guys’ and stopped trying to mentor Tommy. There’s a conflict here, because Tommy was told by Wilbur that he wasn’t good enough to be President (links to the idea of ‘not being strong enough’) but he knows that Wilbur was a bad person. But Tommy is never given the chance to reconsile his feelings surrounding Wilbur, both because of Ghostbur and because of the conflict he starts with George. So he is harbouring a mixture of emotions about his mentor and brother, not understanding how to untangle the ‘real Tommy’ from the manipulated boy he became. 

What was going through his head when he stole from George and griefed him? Perhaps the thought that he needed to show he was still the same old Tommy. Maybe the need to ‘prove himself’ as a strong person? It could have just been an outlet for his trauma. He’s grown up in a world where everyone is either a friend or an enemy. George isn’t a friend. How was he supposed to know that hurting him was bad?

Tubbo was pressured into the actions he took against Tommy, but he was pressured far too easily. There is no moment where Tubbo turns to Tommy and makes sure he’s okay, he views him as ‘selfish’ and overdramatic, and sees his actions that way. This makes sense from Tubbo’s POV, he’s struggling to be President in ways that Wilbur *knew* he would, but in Tommy’s eyes this is the worst betrayal he’s ever known. The moment Tubbo (rightfully, but poorly executed) defies Tommy’s plan to hire Technoblade (ahem, seeing Techno as a weapon again) and exiles Tommy is the moment their friendship shatters. They’re two people who don’t understand each other anymore. Two people who are technically in the right, but only hurt each other. 

What Tommy needed was a therapist, instead he had Dream, who put out the fire of rebellion that made him so strong, and Techno, who was trying to help but doing it in the wrong way. 

People see tommy's change post-exile as a good thing because he's not as rebellious anymore and he’s thinking things through a lot before he does them, but they will soon realise that his rebellion was one of his best traits and the fact that no one saw it as anything but a problem really shows. He now second-guesses himself so much and is so scared of being wrong that everything seems too difficult and too dangerous. Every trait can have a positive and negative side. Tommy's defiant nature would have made him the perfect negotiator with a little practise. In fact, he had plenty of good ideas before he was exiled (using spirit against Dream, though it didnt work in the end, for example). The negative side of this was recklessness and the desire to cause problems on purpose, but what he needed was a friend (looking at you Tubbo) who understood that hes been through several wars, was manipulated by Wilbur, and hasnt known a time of peace where everyone who wasnt on his side was out to kill him. Now that ‘fight’ is gone he's just become easier to manipulate.

He may be getting better (see: telling Dream to go fuck himself) but there hasn't been any long-term growth because he was never told what kind of rebellion was good and what was bad. He was just told it was all bad. By Dream (and by Tubbo). Who he doesn't trust. So he's just going to revert back to his old ways because no one told him what was bad in a way that didn't make him feel like everyone was against him. Dream is the enemy (though Tommy’s feelings towards him are complicated, they make his brain go all ‘flippy floppy’) and Dream told him that rebellion was bad, so rebellion must be good always, right? 

And then there's Techno. Techno did nothing wrong except for when he did. Techno is 100% right except for when he isn’t. He doesn't understand Tommy because Tommy was never fully open about what Dream had done and how it affected him. That's not Tommys fault though, because who the fuck openly talks about their trauma? So neither of them are to blame for pretty much anything up until the confrontation at the community house. 

However, Techno's methods and ideology were not what Tommy needed. He was thrown from one extreme to another over and over again, from complete subservience to total rebellion. Neither of these inforce good attitudes in Tommy. One, as stated before, makes it so that he will regain his negative traits again. The other reinforces those violent traits as good, just like Wilbur did. The only difference is that Techno had good intentions, he wasnt trying to use Tommy, which is why he feels so used when Tommy 'betrays' him (Techno doesnt realise that he himself betrayed Tommy by teaming with Dream, he sees it more as a transaction than a personal thing). Techno feels so hurt by Tommy ‘viewing him as a weapon’ that he goes on with his no-mercy attack, completely dropping Tommy at his lowest point. 

Tommy says he doesn't want to be like everyone he's hated. In fact, he say's he is 'worse' than all the villains. This is very obviously untrue, though he was clearly going down a dangerous path with Techno's influence (see: bullying Fundy, spawning wither, kidnapping Connor, and saying that the discs are more important than Tubbo, more on that later). He's not a villain but who exactly has said he's not a villain. Dream? Techno? Neither of them can be trusted in his eyes. They say he's a good guy, Wilbur wanted to be the bad guy, who's right? He doesn't know. He has a crisis of morality. 

And? Some people want to point at that and say 'aha! Character development! He's finally realising his actions have a negative affect on others!' OH GOD NO??? He's a *child* who thinks that he is worse than his abuser. Does that sound like positive character growth to you? 

Lastly, the discs. We know theyre a comfort item blahblahblah. He hates himself for valuing them more than he values Tubbo. He's literally innocent in this. He’s been horribly manipulated by Dream to believe that the discs are worth anything. Theyre really not worth anything if they are being used as tools rather than, yknow, discs. My poor boy. He doesnt trust people, so what can he trust? The discs. But then he says it out loud and realises he misses Tubbo and he wants to be with his best friend again and and and WAHHHH. This also isnt really character growth its just fucking sad leave me alone. 

Anyways what the fuck guys. @ Niki and Jack what the fuck. Yeah we get it it’s miscommunication but wtf. Kinda worried that the actual lore will make Niki and Jack’s hatred of Tommy justified in some way and take on a big victim-blamey vibe, but I’m hoping that everyone is smart enough to not do that. I cannot praise Tommy enough for how he’s portrayed his character. I’m currently hoping that he himself understands the true complexity of it all. I’m sure he does.

Mostly though im actually pissed off at all the people praising tommy's character for 'maturing' when hes literally just got trauma. Nice one, tumblr and twt users. Thanks. Great job. He hasnt 'learnt his lesson', he’s traumatised. What the fuck.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk, leave your responses in the reblogs and comments.

#dreamsmp #dream smp #character analysis #dreamsmp analysis #analysis #critical #tommyinnit #tubbo #dream #technoblade #wilbur soot #tw trauma #tw abuse #tw gaslighting #tw manipulation

[californiannostalgia]

Tangled the Series Character Analysis: Childhood Trauma POV

I can't believe Tangled the Series really created two incredible antivillains and threw them in direct contrast with the pre-existing golden couple. I love what the showrunners did with the main quartet, so I made a very subjective analysis post about it from a Childhood Trauma POV. (Spoilers, obviously.)

The Boys

The series' focus is on Rapunzel, and by association her direct opposite, Cassandra, so the boys get comparatively less screen time. But it doesn't take long to figure out that Varian is meant to be a parallel for Eugene—these are two people dealing with the absence of parental guardians, struggling to reconcile the lives they previously had with their changing ideals in relation to a less-than-perfect Father Figure.

They both respond to the helpless state of being young, alone, and powerless by trying to take back power in any way they can. Eugene reinvented himself and buried his desires for a family. Varian throws in everything he has into recovering what he lost, because he's a child and the best solution he can think of is to return to the familiar safety of his father's presence. A significant portion of his desperation is fueled by fear of his father’s disapproval, because as much as Quirin loves Varian, he wasn’t the dependable voice of support. Varian needs approval from outside sources, which was also Flynn Rider’s purpose in life, once upon a time. (Again, parallels.) 

Throughout the series, the boys' relationship with each other transforms from exasperated incomprehension to easy understanding. The process is hastened as Eugene lets himself realize he cares a lot about troubled kids who remind him of himself. He becomes aware that children should not be required to survive on their own like he and Lance had. Spurred on by his significant other's love and encouragement, Eugene is able to acknowledge the adverse affects of his childhood on his life and start moving on. His extending a ready hand to Varian is his process of healing. Though Eugene's first priority will always be Rapunzel, he truly wants to save Varian from the uncontrollable volatility of risky decisions because he knows that downward spiral intimately.

Of course, there is a difference between thieving from the rich and planning the destruction of a kingdom. We'll get to that later.

The Girls

Rapunzel and Cassandra are the biggest driving forces of narrative power in the show, and they are survivors of child abuse. Every one of the main quartet has Parent Issues, but Rapunzel takes the crown (figuratively speaking) with this one. She was kidnapped and groomed into a life-giving doll, and she was only able to escape her abusive adoptive mother through incredibly traumatizing means. For Cassandra, it was neglect, and even her loving adoptive father couldn't leviate the scars left on her childhood mind.

They're a classic case of Golden Child vs. Scapegoat, which is a common case seen in siblings raised by Narcissistic parents. When one child is "favored" more than the other, the kids experience vastly different childhoods, resulting in resentment that stems from their inability to understand each other. Rapunzel and Cassandra are both jealous of what the other had—Rapunzel wants Cassandra's casual, practiced ease with freedom and personal agency, while Cassandra wants the attention and respect that Rapunzel is given by the status of her birth. Because they're unwilling to speak candidly about the unique hardships of their childhood, what results is a series of miscommunications that put a strain on their friendship.

Cassandra and Rapunzel both want the other in their lives, but how they attempt to make that connection is very different. Cassandra wants to be a helpful, essential force in Rapunzel's life. Unfortunately, Rapunzel has been raised on the idea that when push comes to shove, no one will help her survive. Cassandra interprets Rapunzel's desire for independence as Rapunzel scorning the connection that Cassandra is attempting to create. Add in some manipulation from an ancient evil, and Cassandra decides she is done exhausting her emotions for Rapunzel.

Rapunzel, on the other hand, wants absolute honesty in her relationships. Gothel raised her on lies, so she spurns deception. But Cassandra knows the merits of protecting herself by holding her opinions in, which is where the misunderstandings occur. Rapunzel cannot trust someone who isn't completely forthright with her. She's tired of dealing with liars, and she grows afraid that Cassandra will cause her the same pain as Gothel did. But the thing is, Cassandra is not Gothel, and Rapunzel loved Gothel. She couldn't save Gothel, but maybe she can save Cassandra. It's not too late.

Rapunzel doesn't know when to give up on Cassandra because she is aware that she and Cassandra are similar people. Giving up on Cassandra would feel too much like giving up on her own hopes for a happy life. Rapunzel can't let Cassandra be unhappy. This princess cares too much, loves too hard. She never learned how to write people off because you can't survive a childhood like hers with that much cheer if you don't hang onto your optimism like a goddamn lifeline.

This is Rapunzel’s method of taking back power for herself: saving others. Rapunzel could have been Cassandra. Rapunzel is trying to believe she herself is worth saving—therefore, Cassandra must be worth saving as well. Rapunzel's significant other is giving her a stable source of love and support, but without a proper resolution to Cassandra's struggles—a final proof that despite Gothel's influence, they can both be happy—Rapunzel would feel incomplete.

The Golden Couple

At the end of the day, Rapunzel and Eugene are fundamentally good people. If it comes down to it, they would be unable to sacrifice the world for their own desires. (Eugene's thievery doesn't count as an expression of true desire because it was literally his method of survival. An expression of true, selfish desire for him might've been something like manipulation and abduction for the purposes of making people stay, but Eugene is not Gothel and he would never do that to anyone in a million years.) (On a side note, Rapunzel's selfish desire might've manifested in the abandonment of all duties and personal connections in favor of eternal exploration, or revenge towards a kingdom that failed to save her, or a thorough destruction of authority figures—but she loves people too much and would never be able to forsake her family.)

Life threw a lot of rocks at them, but these two came through it marginally well-adjusted. They affirmed their love for each other in a violent, unforgettable manner, which makes it easier for them to trust in each other's affection. Eugene would've been okay with never finding his biological father, just as Rapunzel had been okay with her biological parents' inability to protect her. They have no wish to punish the world for what they suffered. They’re content with who they are. They're just glad they made it, that they're finally allowed to love someone without being afraid. They're each other's saving grace.

The Antivillains

This is the difference between Hero and Antivillain: Cassandra and Varian are willing to punish the world for what happened to them. There’s a very faint line between justified retaliation and venting. In their desperation and anger, they cross the line, and they’re unable to stop themselves once they get going. Unlike the Golden Couple, Cassandra and Varian refuse to settle. They want what is owed. 

Also, they really, really hate themselves. (This is important.)

Varian believes Quirin is the ultimate source of affirmation. The fact that he lost his father by way of his own dangerous experiment, coupled with the fact that no one prioritizes his call for help in the face of national disaster, is enough to make him feel isolated from the world. Though he is burdened with a growing sense of remorse for his deeds, he doesn’t stop resorting to drastic, harmful measures to get his father back until he is forcefully stopped by betrayal from his allies. He finally makes the full transition from “antagonist” to “protagonist” when Rapunzel risks herself to save Quirin from the rocks. If Quirin could not be saved, there’s a possibility Varian might have stayed an antagonist, unenthusiastic though he may have been in his villainous role. As long as Quirin is trapped in those rocks, Varian remains the villain who put him there.

With Quirin safe, Varian allows himself to take huge steps in healing. He slowly rediscovers his self-worth, one that is separate from Quirin’s approval. Rapunzel—and by extension, Eugene—play the friendly, supportive role to Varian’s ingenuity, helping him along in his quest for self-acceptance. Varian still has trouble working through the heavily ingrained self-hatred, but he recovers enough confidence in his own judgment that he takes Eugene’s warning to heart and is able to install a safety device in his father’s helmet, just in case.

This is the Varian who meets Cassandra in the Tower that once belonged to Gothel. At this point in time, Cassandra has been manipulated into thinking of herself as weak and unimportant in comparison to Rapunzel. Her adoptive father, much like Quirin, was too gruff to be vocal with approvals. Her efforts have not been met with successes. She feels like a failure, and she hates feeling like a failure. This is Cassandra’s method of taking back power: by turning herself into someone unforgettable. If she can make something of herself, she’ll finally be able to prove Gothel wrong. She can be just as special as Rapunzel, if she’s given the chance. She wants that chance.

Similar to Varian, Cassandra doesn’t stop her downward spiral until her supposed ally and mentor betrays her and forcefully takes her power away. Only when there are no options left does she allow herself to admit that she was wrong. She is then rewarded for her honesty with Rapunzel’s love and trust. Armed with a new confidence, the sisters vanquish the evil together in an epic showdown that will long be remembered. Cassandra finally gets her dramatic hero’s tale.

Rapunzel and Eugene have an internal compass that lets them make snap decisions. They don’t have the healthiest self-esteem, but they can at least stand by what they think is right. Comparatively speaking, Cassandra and Varian have terrible self-esteem. They don’t trust their own judgment and are heavily influenced by outside forces. Without the constant barrage of trust and affection from Rapunzel, who is akin to a blazing sun when it comes to personal loyalty, these antivillains might never have reached their redemptive ending. They wouldn’t have been able to let go of their twisted priorities without outside influence. Can’t blame them for it, though.

It’s no surprise that Cassandra and Varian are relatable to many people. Who wouldn’t want to reclaim what was taken from them during childhood? (Of course, the problem occurs when you start hurting others to reclaim what you lost.) Their journey is a different kind of vulnerable from Rapunzel and Eugene’s journey, and it’s extraordinary in its detail. This show is essentially a long exploration of the various ways a parent can mess you up and the coping methods of kids who want to become more than their past, which is totally up my alley of expertise. I’m grateful I got to watch them grow taller than their trauma.

Finally, here’s a parting gif of Lance, because I love him and he’s a well-adjusted ray of sunshine. We all wish we could be as mentally stable as Lance—the main quartet included.

#tangled the series #rapunzel #cassandra #varian #eugene fitzherbert #character analysis #my thoughts #child abuse #trauma recovery #when the villain origin story is self-hatred

[whumpiary]

hell angst mirror piece to this (cassius’ morning after his first time with christopher). this piece is a proper expansion on this ask, as requested by @rosesareviolentlyread, and spurred on by the tears of @untilthepainstarts and @wildfaewhump

content warning: implied noncon (but not actually), drugging (but not actually), emeto, paranoia, confusion, miscommunication in the worst possible way

-

He’s woken up.

He’s woken up alone.

In a bed that isn’t his with no idea how he got there.

He has last night in his head. And here’s this morning.

And his first thought is Oh. Again.

It should be familiar by now. It should feel so, so familiar by now.

This room is usually so comforting. The sheets smell like Josiah. Like protection and bad moods and steady hands and safety. Except now he’s lying here alone, head full of sand and fog, and he doesn’t know what he’s meant to do with the fact that none of those things are true anymore.

They were true last night. They can’t be true this morning. 

Because he doesn’t know what happened in between.

And worse than that, he does know. He knows exactly what happened. Doesn’t he?

He sits up and it’s like the world shifts and melts around him, settling in against the carpet as he curls his fingers around the edge of the mattress. The fog, heavy and familiar and horrible, sits around him like a numb layer between him and the world around him. He wishes it felt like armour. It feels more like a pillow smothering him.

A knock at the door. He looks up at it. Doesn’t answer. It opens anyway. 

Josiah’s standing there with a mug in his hand, brow wrinkled in that ever-present almost frown. It looks a little like worry this morning. Maybe that’s the fog too. The fog and wishful thinking. “Hey.”

Cass swallows the sand in his mouth.“Hey.”

“Didn’t expect you to be awake.”

Yeah. I bet.

Cass shrugs. Swallows again. “Sorry.”

“Oh. No. I didn’t mean...” Josiah frowns and shakes his head a little as though to clear it. Cass blinks slowly. Tries to keep his eyes on Josiah. Tries not to lose him to the mist. Miss the moment he’ll move closer. “How’re you feeling?”

Cass raises a shoulder. Drops it. He’s tired. He’s tired and he’s fucking sad. He’s so, so sad. He knows this feeling. He knows this fog. He can’t see the edge of it. 

It’s been so long since he’s woken up like this without knowing, at least, he did it to himself.

The last thing he remembers from last night is… The last thing he remembers is… 

“Cass?”

He looks up. “What?”

Josiah lifts the mug in his hand up a little.“I said I brought you tea.”

Cass blinks. “Why?”

Josiah blinks back, looking as lost as Cass feels. “To… drink?”

Cass stares at him. Is he meant to respond to that?

“Lou’s friend says I need to keep your fluids up. And I thought tea might be… soothing. Or something.”

Cass kinda wants to laugh. He wasn’t really aware there was a handbook for post-roofie aftercare.

“Oh.”

His eyes follow Josiah’s hands as they move to set the mug down on the bedside table. There’s steam curling up from the rim. Tag of two teabag still hanging over the edge ‘cause Josiah knows he likes it left in. Is he meant to be grateful for that?

“-lu or something.”

“What?”

“I said you have the flu or something.”

Cass looks at him. Blinks. Don’t lie to me. But he’s so tired. 

“Right,” he says. He nods slow. Wraps his arms around his middle. “M’sick, right?”

“Right.”

He wants to gag on the lie but he swallows it instead.

He swears he blinks and suddenly Josiah’s hand is against his forehead. He flinches back, turns his head away. “What’re you doing?”

Josiah moves back a little. Almost like he’s startled. “Just checking your temp. Like I said.”

“Oh.”

“That alright?”

Cass shakes his head before he can think better not to. “I don’t… I, um. I don’t-”

He puts his hands under his thighs, rocking forward. The fog is thick and churning. He can’t think straight. He can’t focus. 

“I don’t want you touching me.”

It’ll work or it won’t. But at least he’s said it. 

Not now. Not anymore.

It’s a dangerous thing to say. It’s the worst thing he could say, probably. But it’s the only thing he’s sure of in a fog he can’t see through. He takes in a shaking breath.

“I don’t… I don’t want-”

“Okay,” Josiah says. So simple it seems like a trap. So soft that Cass wants to crash forward into his arms. Even now. Even after. Especially after. “Okay, I won’t.”

Josiah keeps talking. Something about a thermometer. 

The charade of it all is confusing. Kinda cloying.

The fog, today, is more like static. More like white noise.

Cass curls his toes against the carpet. His shoes are resting just by the door, socks too. Which means at some point Josiah took them off for him. It’d be nearly sweet if it wasn’t for, like… everything else about this. 

Josiah’s standing between him and the exit. Cass wonders if that’s intentional. 

He doesn’t understand.

Usually when he wakes up like this, he kind of gets it. Some lost puzzle piece slots into place. 

Some feeling of Oh. Right. Of course.

Some realisation of a sign he missed. Some huge flags suddenly turning bright red. 

But today he doesn’t understand. He doesn’t understand why Josiah… Why, of all people, Josiah would-

“Cass? You still with me?”

“Why would you do that?” Cass says. The question slips out of him. Escapes on the exhale but once its out, it’s all he wants to know.

“What?”

His skin hurts. His head hurts. The fog is forever. Infinite. Inevitable. He needs this done with. He needs this over.

“Why would you…” he takes a breath in and it feels like the world is falling away from him. Down and down  and down. “Why would you do that to me?”

Josiah just looks at him, stupidly. “Do what?”

Cass screws his eyes shut. Hangs his head forward. “Please don’t make me fucking say it.”

The silence that falls between them is mountainous. Loud. It seems to echo off the walls, off the ceiling, off the floor. It seems to go on and on and on. 

Josiah clears his throat and Cass tries not to flinch. “Cass, I’m not sure-”

“What, um, what were they?” 

Josiah frowns, shakes his head in confusion. Like he’s the one in fogs, “What were what?”

“The… the, um. What you gave me. The, the pills. Last night. They were, what were the, um-”

“Panadol,” Josiah says, frown deepening. “For the fever.”

“For the fever.”

“Yeah.”

Cass looks up at him, frowning. “I don’t… I don’t get it.”

“You’re sick Cass.”

Cass shakes his head and screws his eyes shut tight. He shakes his head and he shakes his head and he shakes his head. “I don’t understand.”

The fog is inside of him now. He could swear it. Inside him and eating him whole. Like he’s drowning from the inside out. He whines, holding his head. God, he feels sick.

“Cass-“

“I would’ve done it,” he says. He feels like waves are crashing against his skull. He feels like his head is full of sand. He feels seasick. “Whatever you wanted. Whatever you were… I would’ve done it.”

“Done what?”

“You didn’t have to- I don’t understand. I would’ve just- you could’ve just-“

He lurches forward. Josiah must’ve noticed something before he does because the other man is already there, holding a bucket – an old ice cream tub – in front of him, just in time. He gags again, dry retching, as Josiah’s hand lands on his shoulder as though to steady him.

“Jᴏsɪᴀʜ, ᴅᴏɴ’ᴛ ᴛᴏᴜᴄʜ ᴍᴇ,” he gets out, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Josiah’s hands retreat, leaving him with the bucket. “I said- I told you I don’t want you touching me.”

“Sorry.”

Cass almost wishes that it hadn’t worked. He almost wishes Josiah would just slap him. Hold him down. Hurt him. It’s so much easier than the tricks. Than the fog. Than the lies.

He doesn’t understand. He throws up again.

This time Josiah doesn’t reach for his shoulder. He can see the other man out of his periphery. Standing there, uselessly. It’s another minute or so before the spasms in his gut stop. A sob wracks him instead.

“Why?” he asks, hands wrapped around the container. Another sob. “Why?”

Why would you do that? Why would you do that? Why would you do that to me?

Josiah doesn’t seem to understand what he’s asking. “You’re… you’re just sick, Cass. The flu we think.”

We.

Jesus, what did that mean? What the hell did that mean?

He can’t remember, he can’t remember, he can’t remember.

“If I’m sick then why did you… Why would you…”

He can’t say it. Can never say it. Putting words to it feels like making it real all over again.

How are you meant to make real a horror you can’t even remember?

“I would’ve done it,” he says. “I would’ve just done it. You could’ve just asked. Just… just started touching me even and I would’ve… I wanted you anyway, I would’ve…”

“I don’t know what you’re saying to me,” Josiah says. “I don’t… I don’t understand.”

Cass coughs a laugh. He’s so dizzy. “What the f-fuck is there to understand?”

“I’m just trying to look after you.”

“Why?”

Why bother? Why try? Why pretend? Why me?

“Because, Cass. You’re s-”

“Because m’sick,” he says. “Right.”

He sits there with his head hanging. He’s so tired. He’s so sad. It’s just fog and exhaustion and sadness and the same empty thought on a loop.

Why would he do that to me?

But he knows why, doesn’t he? Knows it perfectly well.

It’s been so long since this has happened and now here’s here again and he… He can’t do this. He’s so tired. He doesn’t want to fight. He doesn’t want to reason. He doesn’t want to understand anymore. He’s too tired.

Whatever happened, he doesn’t want to know.

“I’m sick,” he says, eyes screwed shut. “I’m sick. Flu or something.”

He offers out the bucket. Josiah takes it. “Yeah. Lou’s friend said-”

“Yeah. Fluids.”

“Yeah. Can you do that?”

Cass looks at the tea, the steam coming off it, the tag of the tea bag hanging over the side. He nods. What else is he gonna do?

The fog is thick. It weighs him down. It feels heavy enough to smother him. Cass lays his head down on the pillow, feet still brushing the floor.

“Gonna… try and sleep it off,” he mumbles, eyes slipping shut. Tries not to think about the echoes in his head. 

“Okay.”

The sounds of Josiah’s footsteps on the carpet are so relieving. So, so relieving. He’d thought for a second he might try and sit on the bed.

“I’ll come in and check on you later.”

Cass nods against the pillow, pulls bare feet up onto the bed sheets.

Ignores the echoes. Ignores the echoes. Ignores the echoes.

“Just… yeah. Try and sleep it off.”

“Yeah. Okay.”

What else is he gonna say?

It’ll happen anyway.

#implied or referenced noncon #except not #drugging cw #except still not #emeto cw #paranoia cw #cassius #josiah

[thestruidora]

Landslide

The Avengers (MCU) Fanfiction

Rating: Explicit

WARNINGS: This story will contain but it’ll not be limited to explicit 18+ content including Obsessive Behavior, Smut, Shower Sex, Edging, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Fluff, Oral Sex, thigh riding, Dirty Talk, Praise Kink, Jealousy, Possessive Behavior, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Dominance, Submission, Knotting, Scenting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Rutting, Rut Sickness

Category: F/M

Pairings: Steve Rogers/Reader, Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanov

Summary: Steve was never quite sure if he truly was an alpha. Genetically he should be, coming from a long line of alpha males. But due to the several health conditions in his youth, his poorly functioning body never presented. But now, because of the serum reacting to his true designation, a terrible case of rut sickness takes hold of the super soldier, threatening his life. Being a beta, Natasha can’t offer him what he needs, and since omegas are rarer today then ever, she is forced to hire a foreign girl to tend to Steve during these desperate times.

Author’s notes: So the reader is finally introduced in this chapter, and since she is foreign and I’m Brazilian, she’ll be from Brazil as well, as is easier for me to include a language that I already know (Portuguese) and also cultural curiosities. But our similarities stop there, I’m not trying to make the reader into me, that’d totally defeat the point of writing a reader insert story.

Shout outs: @captainchrisstan, @keenkiddeputynickel, @danidv011, @ballyhoobarnes, @pophbfdsxa, @crashbarbie, @readermia, @musicnowandforever661

Thank you so much for you guy’s support!

Chapter Three

For those who missed it >>

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Miscommunication

“This not a good idea.” Bucky spoke, for what it seemed to be the hundredth time.

“So you’ve said, over and over again. I didn’t ask you to come, you know? ” Natasha sighed, focused on steadfastly driving the plane, her hands firmly planted on each side of the control wheel. “He’s in pain, Barnes. And if Bruce’s right about his diagnosis, it’s only going to get worse.”

“I’m the last person in the world who wants to see Steve suffering. He’s my best friend, Romanoff.” The Soldier’s shoulders were tense as he looked straight out of the aircraft's window, seeing the big building in the approaching horizon. “But we have to think about what he would want for a second. I mean, he fights to get these kinds  of places shut down.”

“Well, Captain America’s moral code is the least of my worries right now.” The redhead’s voice came out in a harsh bark, jaw clenched as she smoothly landed the machine. Once the engines stopped and they took off their seat-belts, she looked over at Bucky, who’s face was series and unreadable. Before he could get up, she stopped him. “Look, I despise this too. But we’ve looked everywhere, Barnes. This is the only way and I… And we have to save him.”

Bucky shook his head, eyebrows knotted in a frown, but eventually opened his expression to her, knowing she was right.

“When he finds out that we came here…” He murmured, letting out a long breath and getting up from his seat, Natasha hot on his tail as they left the plane.

“He’s not going to find out.” She said, voice low but never faltering. He stopped dead in his track, noticing the obvious threat in the Russian Agent’s voice. She kept walking as if nothing happened, never looking back, her stride straight and calm. “Right?”

He looked up at the imposing structure of the building ahead of them, the entire place looked dark and mono-toned, as if it had come out of a horror picture. It was a skyscraper, tall with many floors and windows. Tons and tons of windows, all square and sealed with fat metal bars. A shiver went up his spine when he thought of what was being kept inside of that prison, and Bucky wondered if Steve not knowing about any of this wasn’t for the best after all.

“Right.” He let out, following her to the entry with reluctant feelings.

They stopped at a massive closed gate, noting the security cameras surrounding the whole area. Natasha approached the scanning mechanism at the superior right corner of the iron door, letting it scan her retina. After a couple of seconds, a loud buzzing ringed through their ears and the gate opened slowly.

Surprisingly, the place looked extremely luxurious, thou clean and minimalist. There was a grand open space, completely grassed and filled with flowers, like a secret private garden. There were a couple of trees with comfortable-looking swings on them, providing a welcoming shadow to cool off in summer days. But at the sides of the garden, they could also see two tall stone towers, where armed man monitored Natasha and Bucky’s every move.

Stunned at the juxtaposition of the whole thing, they kept walking towards a fancier looking door than the ones before, this one made of a glass-like material that led to a reception area, where they could see a blonde woman typing away in her computer. Her posture was straight and her physique was lean. Her hair was pulled back in a slick bun, not a single strand out of place, making her forehead look bigger than probably was in reality.

There were a few leather sofas on the lounge, but not one single person in the waiting room but the receptionist, and with the level of security and organization of the place, both agents were willing to bet that whoever came there, didn’t have to wait around for long.

“Merhaba, size nasıl yardımcı olabilirim?” The receptionist spoke once they approached her, not ever looking up from the keyboard she typed on, her clear polished nails nothing but a blur as her fingers moved at top speed.

“Hum… ” Natasha turned to look at Bucky for a second, checking to see if he knew Turkish, because that was, unfortunately, one of the few languages that she was not fluent on. But the brunet simply shrugged, looking at her with an impassive expression taking over his features . “Hi!” She tried, and the second that that simple English word left her lips, the blonde woman behind the desk quit typing, her hands stopping mid-air as she finally looked up at them, a spooked look in her face, her skin tone getting even paler than before, almost as if she had just seen a ghost. “We’re here to speak with Mr. Bürsin, actually.” Natasha continued, sharing an uncertain look with Bucky due to the woman’s reaction .

“You are Natasha Romanoff? Mr. Bürsin had already let me know you were coming, but I was told that you’re Russian and… Alone.” She had a tick accent a strict-looking face, even though her scared expression, her royal-blue blazer just a little too tight for her chesty frame.

“Well, there was a minor change of plans.” Romanoff’s voice and posture shifted, mimicking the blond’s, an old manipulation tactic that always seemed to work on Alpha females, like this one, her pheromones strongly wafting out, overpowering her overly sweet perfume and making Bucky want to growl, but instead, he simply rolled his eyes, not at all caring about the dissatisfaction that his presence caused . “I’m sure he won’t mind, thou.”

“I’m sure he will.” With a frown she picked up the phone on her desk, dialing only one number and then proceeding to have a long conservation in Turkish, before finally hanging up. “Mr. Bürsin will see you now.” She gave off a tight smile , knuckles turning white while she still held on to the phone, and before they could move, she spoke again. “But only Miss Romanoff, not the Alpha.”

“What?” Natasha and Bucky said at the same time.

“Why?” The redhead crossed her arms under her breasts, trying really hard not to get visually annoyed.

“Ma'am, we have protocols in place, he cannot come in.” The woman’s tone was polite, but still condescending.

“Don’t ‘ma’am’ me. Do I look like a ma’am to you?” Her eyebrows shot up, completely giving up on the previous plan by now. “I’m probably younger than you.”

When the receptionist expression didn’t change, Bucky touched the Russian woman in the arm, getting her attention.

“Romanoff, it’s fine.”

“No, you-”

“This is more important than any of that, remember why we’re here.” His voice was but a whisper, so that only she could hear. “Besides, I pity the fool that tries to mess with you. You can handle yourself, with or without me.” She smiled at that, looking at him for a while before nodding.

“Alright, let’s go.” Natasha said, giving the blonde a pointed look as she got up from her seat and away from her desk, starting to walk towards one of the many corridors of the building.

“Follow me, please.” Her accent hanged heavy, her hips swinging while she strode atop of her hills.

In the hall, Natasha saw many doors, all closed and guarded b y strong, armed man. There was an ample opening at the end of the hall, where the receptionist stopped, indicating for her to continue with a nod of the head.

When she walked in, noting as the woman closed the door behind her, she almost blacked out from the sheer smell of the room. The whole place looked sterile, but still reeked of Omega pheromones. Even for Natasha, a Beta, it was dizzying. Now she understood why it was so imperative that Bucky was not allowed to come inside.

The room was packed full of chairs, placed in a big circle that led to a stage. There were only man sitting in those chairs, all extremely well dressed. Some old, some young, but all clearly rich. Not one of them gave her a second glance, all to focused on what was about to happen on that stage. There was a narrow hallway in the center, in between all of the chairs. And right next to the stage, in a front-row seat, she saw the back of his head, and noticed the empty seat next to his.

Making a beeline for it, she sat down, yearning desperately for a take of fresh air right about now that she was so close to the stage, where the Omega smell was the strongest, being slowly mixed with all of those Alpha’s scents.

“Do me a favor and warn me next time you bring a friend, will you?” Emir Bürsin’s voice was low and raspy, the light golden hair in his head tinning out and turning grey with age. But still, he was a very handsome man. Strong and muscular, but not bulky, with long, big arms straining inside of this tailored suit jacket.

“There will be no next time.” Natasha was quick to answer, not at all impressed by his imposing build. He gave her one fast look, a crooked smile plastered on his face as he sat down in his front-row chair like a king, legs crossed in a nonchalant display.

“Oh, I bet. Once you try one of my girls, you’ll never want for seconds.” His smile became even bigger when Natasha couldn’t control the disgusted look in her eyes. “But you’re not shopping for yourself today, are you, Widow?”

She didn’t appreciate the use of the nickname, turning to stare at the stage as the lights of the room stared dimming and a cold-toned spotlight shone brightly at the center of the stage.

“No, definitely not.” He laughed to himself as she continued to ignore his remarks, frowning a bit when slow background music started to play. “You know, in this business people talk. And I happened to hear such an interesting tale.”

“I’m dying to hear it.” She murmured, the sarcasm strongly embedded in her features by then.

“I heard- oh, thank you.” He was cut off as different Beta woman, clearly assistants of the place, began to give out number plates to each and every man sitting in the room, making a point not to give one to Natasha. She frowned again at that, getting more and more confused by the minute. As they continued to work the room, he proceeded . “I heard that one of your brand-new, shiny superhero friends got himself into a pretty sticky situation, if you know what I mean. Apparently — and again, this all word-of-mouth —, he succumbed into such a bad rut, that he may actually die if he doesn’t get his hands on an Omega, can you imagine that ? Dying from horniness?”

His scoff was loud on Natasha’s ears, and she never had to restrain herself from punching someone so bad.

“And after years without speaking, completely out of the blue, you call me up to ask for a favor.” A man appeared on stage and, wearing a suit and tie, he stood behind a podium, turning on the microphone in front of him and shuffling through cards. “And that favor just so happens to be exactly what our favorite Captain needs to survive, isn’t that such a funny coincidence? Don’t you just love when the universe plays this crazy pranks on us? I mean, what are the odds of these two situations not being connected?”

By the time he was done, the man on stage had started to talk in Turkish, and the audience cheered on to whatever he was saying.

“What do you want to keep your mouth shut about this, Emir? More money?” Natasha asked, mouth forming a little circle when an entirely naked woman entered the stage, s topping in the middle of the stoplight. Her hands were mechanically stuck to her sides, her limbs clearly trembling as she just stood there, completely exposed for those man’s eyes.

“Money? Fuck money, I got enough of that. I want security.” Natasha wasn’t fully processing the conversation at that point, looking over at Emir who had picked up his number plate and put it up, waiting for it to get acknowledged by the man behind the podium before putting it down.

“What do you mean?” Her lips were moving, she knew she was forming words, but a big part of her brain wasn’t truly there.

Her eyes scanned throughout the room, seeing as other men were also putting their plates up, and that’s finally when it hit her. Her blood ran cold when she realized what was happening, and her vision got stuck on that poor girl standing there, her body shaven from eyebrows down, beginning to follow the instructions of the spokesman, turning around to show the audience her form from behind, and them proceeding to slightly open her legs to show the inside of…

Natasha closed her eyes, not wanting to see more, turning so that Emir couldn’t see her face. She felt like throwing up, a little lightheaded as well. So this was what he did here, he ran auctions, Omega auctions.

“I want the security of knowing that no matter what happens, neither you or anyone of your super assholes are going to come busting through here and ruin my business, that’s what I want.” She tried swallowing down the knot that had formed in her throat, putting on her best poker face to look back at him, only to find the man smiling over winning the bidding. He turned to her, putting the plate down on his lap as the girl left the stage and another waked in right after. “ Do we have an understanding ?”

“We do.” The steadiness of her voice shocked even Natasha herself, but Emir didn’t seem to notice a thing, looking comfortable and relaxed, not taken aback one bit by the situation that was taken place.

“Lovely.” He quickly got up, leaving the number plate on top of his seat, and closed his jacket, exaggerating the slimness of his waist. “So, now that we got that out of the way, do you want to come and meet the present that I hand-wrapped for Mr. Rogers myself?”

Natasha got up as well, trying to ignore the raging feeling running through her body, forcing herself to think of Steve, to think back to the reason she was there, and nod in response to his question, instead of doing what she really would like to, which would be betting him into a pulp.

“I just hope I got the right size.” He chirped as they star ted walking out of the auction room, out into the corridor and entering one of the many doors, where a small bedroom was home to a frightened-looking young woman.

*

Everything hurt.

His whole body ached, literally. He could literally feel the muscles underneath his skin contracting and expanding, and the pain was all so bad. He could feel his lungs enlarging as he breathed air in and shrinking as he exhaled it out, and the burn was almost maddening.

This wasn’t what a normal rut was supposed to feel like, of that Steve was sure. No other person should ever have to feel the way he was feeling, ever.

This was hell.

His own bedroom ha d become hell.

His back was pressed to the bed, the sheets were so soaked with sweat that he felt like he could drown. He tried showering, but that had been a bad idea altogether.

He hated the hellfire that his skin had become, that he had passed the point of feverish a long time ago and now whenever the cold water hit his flesh, vapor could be seen wafting through the air.

But that wasn’t even the worst part, it was the smell. The simple smell of soap, from that ‘vintage’ brand that tries to recreate the classic scents from older eras, the one that he used to love. Now, that smell made him want to trow up.

Now, most smells around his house hit him differently, making his stomach turn and nausea overtake him. He definitely hasn’t eaten in a while, he could see it too, in the quick passing glances he gives to the mirror, how skinnier he has gotten.

The bed is the only place where he doesn’t feel like putting his guts out. Because it smells of him. Only him, and nothing else. No one else. Isn’t that sad? That his body so desperately earns for another, but since it can’t have it, it prefers to slowly shut down and die alone.

All of a sudden, the doorbell rang, and Steve berried his face in his pillow, a growling noise involuntarily coming from his chest at the idea of having to come to the door. That was the worst part of his apartment. The one that smelled the least like him and more like others, especially like Alphas. Oh, god, he hates Alphas. And yes, that includes himself.

“Steve?” He could hear a female voice from outside the door, calling out to him, and the Alpha inside got excited for a second, before the scent of Beta hit his nose, making his face contour into a grimace. “It’s Natasha, can I come in?”

He could hear keys jiggling before he could even answer. Hadn’t he made her give him the keys to his apartment last time?

“No!” He screamed at her, his voice hoarse due to the lack of use.

He wanted to die, in private, was that so hard to understand?

“Well, too bad.” He could hear when she closed the door behind her and began walking towards his room.

“Don’t come in.” He barked as her shadow stopped outside of his door, which was almost completely closed, if not by a tiny slit.

“What? Why?”

Because your mere presence makes me want to break every single square inch of this bedroom while I trow up on top of the debris. That’s what he wanted to say, but instead- “I’m naked.”

“I’ve seen you naked already.” She sighed from behind the barrier that separated her from entering his room, invading his space. And he really didn’t want to be rude to her, not again, but Natasha could be really push y , and it’s not like he could control most of the words that come out of his mouth in the state’s his in.

“And I didn’t like it then, nor will I like it now.” He tried to stop the relief that rushed through him when he heard her murmur a small ‘ok’. “What do you want, Nat?”

“Look, we don’t have much time now, and Banner says the only thing that’s keeping you alive after all these days suffering through what your body’s been suffering is also the thing that made you sick in the first place: the serum. He says that the only thing that you’ll get better and survive this, is seeing your rut out with an Omega.”

At the mere mention of the word, his dick twitched, a wave of pleasure-laced pain cutting through his lower body, and Steve had to contain a moan, embarrassment warming his cheeks even more than they already were.

“I already heard all that before, Nat. I know my situation, but it’s too late now.” He gritted his teeth against each other, getting pretty good at coasting through the pain by then. “And I’m fine with that.”

“But it doesn’t have to be like that.” Maybe she could hear his eyes rolling, because before he tried to ask her to leave once more she spoke again. “Listen, Steve, I know you didn’t want anyone to know about what is happening to you, and I wanted to respect that, but I… But none of us could just sit by and watch you die.”

Her mouth was suddenly dry, her vocal cords scraping against each other ruggedly, creating an unpleasant sound and making it clear that she was nervous, but Steve let her continue, his heart beating faster with her every word.

“So Tony put out an ad, letting people know that Captain America was in need of help, and if any Omega out there was willing they could come to the facility and get tested to see if they were compatible with you. A lot of women showed up — shocker —,” She let out a humorless laugh, listening to nothing but silence in return, “but most of them weren’t even Omegas, and the ones that were weren’t compatible with you. But finally, yesterday, this foreign girl showed up, she doesn’t know much English, but she says that you saved her in Sokovia and that she’d like to save you now. So, if you still want me to go and leave you be, I will, but if you’re done with this whole self-loathing and self-harm thing, I could invite her in, and you two could have tons of savage sex and also not die.”

A long time went by after that, a long period of silence, where only Steve’s labored breathing could be heard. He didn’t say anything, but that wasn’t intentional. He was stunned, actually, still trying to digest everything that Natasha had said. Considering every word, processing it slower than he usually would in his natural state.

“Steve?” The redhead’s voice ringed, waking him up from his trance. “Did you even hear what I said?”

“She’s outside?!” Was the first thing that he could think of saying, voice strained, sounding a little scared, even.

“Yeah, me and Bruce brought her over. Like I said, she knows very little English but she was clear on the fact that she wanted to help you.”

“And we’re compatible?”

“Yes!”

“Are you sure?”

“Oh, my God. Just put some clothes on and get out here!” She demanded, bossy as always, but his Alpha wouldn’t take that, not right now. A loud growl emerged from him, and Steve had to physically restrain himself from breaking something.

Still, he took a deep breath, his head hurt so bad that he wasn’t sure he was capable of getting up. But he pushed through, having to hold his head with both hands to try and make the room stop spinning. Very slowly he got out of bed, immediately missing the familiarity that it provided him.

He looked over at his closet, seeing all of his clothes laid out neatly, and only the thought of having any of that fabric on top of his skin was painful enough to make him give up on that premise entirely and put on his robe instead. Th e feel of it was still very much wrong, but knowing that he would be able to take it off much quicker than any other piece of clothing was just a little more soothing.

If there was one thing you needed to understand about Steve Rogers, is that he was a planner. He not only loved to plan, he was good at it too. He’d plan his missions, his day s , his meals, everything meticulously. That was when he was at he’s most comfortable, making up a plan and following it through. He wasn’t completely against making things up as he went, but saying that it didn’t make him anxious would be a lie.

He always preferred to know how things were going to play out, and this wasn’t any different. He had already created a route for this whole rut sickness deal: he was slowing going to die alone inside of his room, leave his shield to Sam and his comic book collection to Bucky, maybe his record player and records would go to Tony, and he would leave that pretty brooch he got from his mom to Natasha. That was it. It was a date.

But all of that changed now and he had to reroute his way around this. And that’s precisely what he was doing as he approached the door, already having wrapped himself in his robe.

He was going to go out there, tell this poor girl that she didn’t owe him anything, that he was happy to know that he had saved her life in Sokovia, and that she should go out into the world and find love, not wait around like had. Then he would apologize for his friends bringing her here, tell them all to leave him alone for good, and he’d even keep his posture throughout the whole ordeal.

That was the new plan, and he was happy with it. Yeah, this was good. This could work.

“Finally.” Steve heard Natasha say when he left his bedroom, entering the living room, a weird fuzzy feeling catching a hold of him for some reason. “So, can I tell Banner to let her in?”

He simply nodded, not sure what to do with a different kind of sensation starting in his lower abdomen. It wasn’t necessarily good, but it wasn’t bad either, which was surprising, because all he could feel of lately was bad. An uneasy, unplaceable feeling forming. And it was something completely new. Was it… Excitement?

Natasha opened the entry door of his apartment again, getting out but leaving it open. He could hear her and Bruce talking softly in the hallway, but he didn’t care to try to understand what they were saying, he didn’t care about anything, not anymore.

Because even before they walked back in, with a young woman following close behind them, with her hair pulled back and a makeup clean face, eyes glued to the ground and hands closed together in front of her body, he had already smelled her. He had already taken a big whiff of that intoxicating scent, goosebumps staring at the back of his neck, travelling all the way to his cock and making it leak precum. He had already set his eyes on that Omega.

And by then, he knew.

Fuck the plan.

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