#this shit really does actually fuck up your creative process

[diacripticcomplex]

Ayayui?

Ayato's POV:

There's this one human holiday I'm fond of, I think it's called Halloween or something like that, humans get to dress up and scare each other, a concept called "trick or treat." I told Yui about it, and she said it was just for kids. Kids get to scare the living shit out of people on this day? I'd love to be a human child if that's the case. It wasn't halloween today or anything, but it would be fun to scare the fuck out of her, and fuck her in the process too.

When I was at the shopping district yesterday I found a ghostface mask, the ones that were used in that American Movie about the killings, it wasn't even scary, I've killed people in more creative ways before, they should take notes from me. Anyway, I ended up buying the mask, I'm going to use it for a scheme.

"Hey tiny tits, wanna watch a movie with me tonight? There's no school tomorrow." I ask her, then state. She gives me that suspicious look, she's really learning. "What movie..?" she questions. "It's an American movie, I know you suck at English so I purchased it with subtitles, what do you say?" I asked her again. She still is giving me hesitation. "You know I went out of my way to do this, the least you can do is watch it with me." I guilt trip and it works, she agrees. "Alright, I'll meet you in your room in a few minutes, get comfy." I command. "Why not the living room?" she asks, I smirk at her. "Cause' we might get horny and start fucking like rabbits." I let out, jokingly but I wasn't actually joking. She rolled her big eyes at me, anyway I went back to my room to retrieve the mask and I hid it well.

We plopped onto her bed, after I turned on the movie, "I said get comfy, this is your bed. Why are you sitting all the way over there?" I ask her, she scoots over a little closer and I grab her, getting us in a cuddling position. We start watching the movie, I believe this was Scream 1, the original it was old but still pretty good quality.

Finally the movie was over, “Ayato why do you like watching such strange movies at night?” She asks me, I yawn “they just help me sleep better, I’m gonna call it a night” I tell her, then leave. She didn’t seemed scared it wasn’t really scary to begin with. But I was going to wait for her to go into the bathroom to mess w her. I put on the ghost face mask and hide in her bathroom, I take out a dagger, it was a real dagger too. Maybe 10 mins go back and she finally goes into the bathroom, she took off her towel she was nice and naked, I wanted to just rail her by the sink instead at this point- that would be an even better idea. I ran up behind her and cover her mouth, holding the dagger to her throat. “What’s your favorite scary movie?” I say in an attempt to sound like a ghost face killer. “What the..?! Ayato let go of me!” She yelled out, “I’m the ghost of billy loomis if you watch that movie you summon me.” I said to her, trying to sound convincing who knows if it’ll work or not? Would be hilarious either way.

She tries wrestling out of my grasp but I have a secure grip on her, I pressed up myself against her ass, I got a little hard in the process I’ll admit that. “You like it rough don’t you pancake?” I say then realized I slipped up by calling her that. “Ayato…it really is you??” She sounded relieved. I grab her ass cheek, then bend her down, I wiggle out of my pants a little and slide my dick right into her, fuckkkk it felt so good that first insertion always does it. I start fucking her fast, pulling her head back and keeping my hand gripped to her throat, I kissed her shoulder blade . Fucking in this mask made me feel super hot. After a few minutes I change the position, I turn her to face me, and I lift her up fucking her standing up, she had her legs crossed on my wait and held me super close, I wasn’t going to drop her but I definitely was going to nut. A few more strokes and I really did.

#diabolik lovers #diabolik boys #dialovers #yui komori #diabolik brothers #diahell #smut #ayato sakamaki #yui x ayato #ayato x yui #ghostface #scream 1996 #smut diabolik lovers #smut fic

[obsidiancreates]

Okay so like my username actually comes from when I was like 12-13 and made up some Sanders Sides OCs of my own and named the creativity "Obsidian", fun fact, and well as y'all may have noticed I've been rewatching Sanders Sides and I've Reformulated my lil' OC troop.

Let's meet the OG versions first though.

Originally I went with the same general setup as Thomas lays out: Creativity, Morality, Logic, Anxiety. Notable exception was Jessa- I didn't think Deceit really fit with my lineup so Jessa was instead Irrationality.

Obsidian, as previously mentioned, being creativity with a sort of Punk Vibe. I think literally had her have a bag shaped like a skullette from Monster High.

Morality was named Jadea- which was my Wattpad name at the time. Basically just, who I was when I was 12. Probably lots of bright colors and jeans and like... just, 12 year old girl aesthetic, I wasn't trying to stand out back then and also was trying to really fit with the sort of Formula that existed in Thomas's Sides Content.

Logic was named Empress. So basically my username on Wattpad was PrincessJadea and originally I made a Darkiplier-type "evil me" named Empress Obsidian and then I went "Mmmm don't like that, repurpose!" so split her in two as Obsidian and Empress. Anyway she was refined, regal, cold, and just kinda. That general vibe you'd expect from a "Logicality Personified As A Monarch" thing. She also encapsulated ego/confidence because when I was younger my main source of ego/confidence was Being Smart.

Anxiety had no name for a long time but eventually settled on Ash. Everyone had like a Purple vibe because I'm Autistic and purple is required in Everything Always so this wasssss basically just Virgil. But a girl. And I think she cried a lot? So. Yeah.

And then Jessa, who in her original iteration was a manic, one-red-eye-one-blue-eye, chaotic, constantly trouble causing and extremely active antagonistic force. Like a tiny, hyperactive puppy who wanted me to just Do Shit.

So that's the original versions.

And now the updated group.

Obsidian is largely the same but now she's not restrained to a Punk aesthetic, she still favors it but like she can be and do Whatever. She now, alongside the original Creativity role, encapsulates Ego/Confidence instead of Empress. My ego has definitely shifted to be focused on my Creations rather than Feeling Smart. I'm fucking awesome at writing and makeup and I know it and so she does too.

Empress is now both Logic and Morality/Compassion. I've kind of come to the conclusion that these two are Inextricable from each other for Good and for Bad. I don't mean My Morality Is Purely Logical but more your morals will influence how you think logically and the way you process logic will justify your moral stances and it's impossible to be Objective from either endpoint. When I was falling down the alt-right rabbit hole I was using Flawed Logic to try and justify the moral stances I was taking on, and when I escaped that and became As I Am Now I used compassion/moral consideration to help break down the flawed logic I'd built. Plus, it's Illogical to try and view the world as a Purely Logical Place uninfluenced by Emotion and Moral Holdings, Emotion bleeds into absolutely everything and Moral Holdings both good and bad influence even the smallest decisions. Separating Logic and Emotion leads to just The Worst Stances cropping up, so yeah, she's both now. She's still very regal, but much less cold, like an elegant nanny who's probably royalty in disguise after a coup.

Jadea is now, and please read this to the tune of Deep Into Your Mind from Phineas and Ferb; Repression, Regression, avoidant deep obsession. Basically she's personifying my tendency to Repress, Regress in terms of things like falling back into Not Eating when I'm emotionally overwhelmed, and of course Hyperfixation/Special Interests being used as Escapism to an unhealthy degree. She's still quite peppy and bright but it's all Toxic Positivity, and she has a very Dominating Presence. In particular her relationship with another side is very strained and very... Oppressive, but not without Reason. She does associate with Obsidian a lot since Fixation + Creativity = Fanfic. She's not disliked, but she's not liked either, she's just... there.

Ash is now General Emotional Disregulation- which does include Anxiety, because I have Problems. She's now much more... Grunge-like, and I don't mean the glamorized version, I mean the straight-up raggedy old dirty clothes that don't fit well and unwashed hair and dirty face version. Jadea interacts with Ash a lot, but Ash is not the side I previously mentioned being Jadea's main focus of Repression. Ash basically constantly teetering between Depressive and Manic, always either a barley withheld Sob or Laugh to her voice, and the other sides find her difficult to deal with because despite wanting to help her she's prone to Ignoring and Overriding them.

I'm introducing New Ones next before I introduce the Updated Jessa.

Our first new peep is Chip. She is Anger/Stubbornness/Spite, because those are... huge, parts, of my personality. Even if I don't really want them to be. I guess she probably also encompasses Passion but, not her main thing. Her name is Chip because most of the chips and cracks in my teeth are from clenching them in Rage, and boy, there are a lot of them. My teeth are fucked. Anyway, this is the Side that Jadea focuses on the most. Chip is constantly on the fucking brink and though she's not yelling, pretty much everything she says is Seethed through her teeth and her snarl is constant (save for when she gets So Fucking Mad she starts laughing, but that's a Bad and Scary Smile). Unsure of her aesthetic at this moment, but I'm leaning towards something similar to Ash with the Grunge Vibes but a little Sharper and Tougher- where Ash may have a large hoodie to hide in, Chip has a heavy jacket. Where Ash may wear just old sneakers, Chip wears thick combat boots. Things like that. But Chip isn't all bad- she's The Reason I'm Alive Right Now. While sometimes she... accidentally, feeds into Jessa's new role, she's also Stubbornness and Spite and I use those as a Big Motivator to stay, alive. So she's very important and very helpful, while also being a pretty big issue. Not really good, not really bad, but Significant.

Ferox- y'all may recognize this one, Des's bestie and currently being featured in the Sia Character RP over on @a-vamp-and-a-half. I've already gone over her- a personification of Catharsis, punk-emo type aesthetic and often absolutely covered in blood because she rips her own limbs off and shit. She feels like she belongs here, not just as Catharsis, but also Maladaptive Daydreaming and I guess... okay so I have issues surrounding the word Coping because of some shit my 4th grade teacher put me through but I guess that's what Ferox represents also. She's important, and valuable, and really only an actual Problem when she tries to push for her Fantasies to become Reality, a problem usually taken from Easily Ignorable to Actual Concern by...

Jessa.

Do not read farther if you are sensitive to discussions of suicidal thoughts, self-harm urges, or cruel language.

Jessa, is, straight-up evil. Because Jessa, is a personification of Mental Illness. She is my suicidal thoughts, my depression, my paranoias, my SH urges, all of that. Nothing valuable or "Maybe she's not so bad," about her, she is just flat-out evil.

She is no longer a manic energetic figure, she's more... Coming Of Age Movie Bully With A Phone Addiction. Uninterested, throwing out horrible things without any care, leaning back and paying attention to something else while spewing as vile suggestions as she can. Like she'll sit back in a chair shopping on her phone and go "You should just like, carve yourself up. Why are you even sticking around anyway? Literally nothing will ever get better and life can only possibly go downhill and you're like, kinda just stuck suffering so... yeah. Like, kill yourself. Bitch."

Ferox, who wants me to have A Good Fufilling Life but in the sense of "Punch people who make you mad! Take a joyride and crash the car and then get out and run through the woods! TAKE LIFE BY THE BALLS!" disagrees with EVERYTHING Jessa stands for, but unfortunately Ferox's fantasies of Catharsis that involve stuff like Getting Shot And Surviving sometimes feed into Jessa's whole deal. Then Obsidian steps in and suggests "Hey let's work together to do Gore Makeup and drown Jessa out." Ferox and Obsidian are actually quite close, good friends.

So that's my Updates Sid's Sides! Sorry for how depressing it got at the end, but, tbh my brain is a hot mess and I just Live Like This.

#suicide tw #tw suicide #tw suicidal ideation #tw suicidal thoughts #my ocs

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

starting a tag game for writers

Hi, it's Asmi! Okay, so, I've seen so many people afraid to start/continue writing because they're afraid it'll be garbage. And it's so sad how much joy and creativity is getting lost because of that fear. I've written utter shit before, and looking back on it is actually hilarious, and also, it's a reminder of how far I've come as a writer.

I really, really want people to be less afraid of the written word and of creating, and to get rid of that aura of mystery and elitism that often covers the writing process. Writing is messy and it's hell and it's torture. And it's amazing.

So here's the tag game:

Give me three lines/paragraphs that you've written that you love [fiction, non-fiction, from different works or the same, from completed stories or poems or WIPs, from yesterday or ten years ago] that you love. If that seems hard, even one will do. It doesn't have to be perfect. It can just be something silly that gives you joy.

And give me three lines/paragraphs that you've written that you dislike and find shitty. Anything at all as long as you wrote it. If you think it's ridiculous or absolute fucking garbage, even better! That's the point of this game. To see that we all write good things and bad things. Yeah? You can do this. And remember that both these categories are subjective.

I'll start. It's not as scary as it seems, I promise.

Things I've written that I find shitty:

The first man grabbed him by his collar, pinned him against the wall of the cave in which they were standing, and spat, “It doesn’t matter what you’ve done before. If the Queen’s not in the graveyard tonight, King Baza’s going to plan a most delightful execution for you. And even if he doesn’t, you being his nephew and all, I will arrange an accidental blowing up of your house when you are, tragically, inside.” [discount wall slam scene courtesy of 2016 Asmi, you're welcome]

“Overreacting?” said Dextor in disbelief, staring at Jay like, ‘What is wrong with you, dude?’ [sigh. my serious-scene-writing left a lot to be desired.]

“Don’t go,” I said, fighting tears. “Please, don’t leave me, too! You’re all I have left.” Strange thoughts for a child, but I meant every word. She looked at me with anguish. “I am sorry, Phil. Believe me, you are all I have, too, and this hurts me more than it does you. You’re like my son.” [I'm hysterical rereading this melodramatic shit, which was NOT the intended effect]

Things that I've written that I love:

He dropped the books onto a nearby chair and pulled her into his arms as he’d been longing to do all day, the smell of blueberries and hair product and her. The books she was holding were pressed against his chest, and he didn’t care. Why did he need to love the stars when he could love her, why did he need to look up at the sky for answers when they were right there in his arms? [I love this because when I first wrote it, I thought it was romantic, but I realised later that the boy, Ant, is aroace, and it doesn't change a thing about this scene, except that their love is platonic]

"Maybe being happy is the best that we can do. Maybe that’s more than most people manage, anyway.” They stood in front of the entrance, over puddles that reflected all the broken skyscrapers and the colours of the street and the grey-yellow sky. “Whatever you do with your parents,” she said. “Don’t let your guilt get in the way of doing ballet. It’s not wrong to be happy. It’s not.” [This is from the book I finished and I published, and I just really like this paragraph. It's not my favourite, but it makes me smile.]

The last you may leave wherever you please, wherever it is birds land to die. [A line from a poem I wrote in 2022, I like the rhythm]

(It took effort to find ones that I wanted to share, oof. If you find this difficult just know you're not alone. I usually like my writing, but turns out it's hard to take something you created and go hey, look, I'm proud of this. But we can do it.)

Alright, of course anyone who sees this is welcome to join, and tag the writers you know so we can all be uh writerly together :") but to start it off, no pressure tags @howmanyholesinswisscheese, @1800ineedshelp, @queermarzipan, @thescholarlystrumpet, @madfangirlontheloose.

Oh, and also tagging @neil-gaiman, @dduane, @drchucktingle just because maybe if you see this and join in, new writers will find comfort in knowing their role models have ups and downs, good and bad days too :")

Have a lovely day, everyone, and keep writing.

#asmi #weirdly specific but ok #writing #tag game #writers on tumblr #writerblr

[isa-ghost]

Hi! I was wondering if you have any tips for outlining your story?

I’m trying to work on one, but it doesn’t really want to cooperate with me when I try to outline.

Do you have any tips for what works for you?

I would say don't force it, most importantly. You won't be satisfied and it won't come out great if your heart and mind just aren't in it. Get your inspiration and creative muse going first.

I genuinely don't know how the fuck I got my plot as fleshed out as it is, I got hella lucky it kept going. It was very fuck it we ball.

I will say, I often reread what I already had planned before letting my little brain movie continue.

I can picture things in my head really clearly, so basically my brain gave me a movie of the first 5 chapters and I just let it "yes and" itself until it just kept going. Or I got specific scenes that popped into my head and then wrote from where I left off and pushed things in a direction that could make the scene true in a way that made sense and flowed well.

From there, I knew I needed to resolve conflicts I'd established ("how does Phil get EK out of his body?"), come back to certain plot points I'd planted the seeds of ("so how is Phil doing while the group is planning his rescue?"), or cover "well what's going on with x during this time?" type stuff ("how is Missa taking care of the kids on his own while this is all going on?"). So over time, I'd make sure to either devote a whole chapter or just a scene to cover the thing, whatever length felt right.

As soon as I get a rough idea of what major points I want to cover, the rest comes organically as I'm writing. For example, in Chapter 3, I did not plot the Pissa date thoroughly. My plan said "fluffy distraction date, but hes hallucinating," and eventually "Phil hallucinates an enderman which exposes he's not doing well so he confesses everything to Missa bc he can't bring himself to lie to him." I didn't plan them visiting an event venue, going on a picnic, taking pictures, anything casual they talked about before that point. I let it come out in the moment and allowed the pieces to just fall into place because over-planning something can sometimes choke the life out of it.

Though that could just be what works for me because I'm taking over a decade of roleplaying skills and fitting them to a fic. A lot of the scenes I write come out the same way I'd start a roleplay. You can see it most in the start of a chapter, because both require setting the scene before puppeting the character(s) within it.

And obligatory mention that the process isn't always linear, flowing perfectly, etc. Shit takes time and the first draft is not gonna be your last, even if only a single detail changes later. Don't expect perfection the first time, you'll limit yourself and you won't be satisfied later. It could straight up kill your motivation to write the thing at all. I've deleted whole paragraphs of text in chapter 4 because even though they were written beautifully, it wasn't what I wanted or didn't match my plan.

So basically:

Ride as long as you can on the initial idea. Milk as much Where Does This Go / What Happens Next from it as possible

Play to your strengths when writing. If you're good at describing setting or atmosphere, go nuts. If you're good at writing dialogue, weaponize that. Whatever you're best at writing, lean into that and it'll make your story shine.

Keep the things you need to conclude satisfyingly in mind. Figure out how you want to resolve the conflict(s) you've started, then steer the plot in that direction however you see fit. If you establish certain things, decide if you Need or Want to actually write it out rather than imply it happening/being done/whatever.

Make sure the events that connect two plot points together flow well and make sense, but leave room for improvising because things that unfold organically are important in order to avoid having a plot feel too "mechanical" so to speak. Not to mention things that miraculously fall into place and just fit in perfectly are super rewarding and motivating.

Don't be precious with your ideas. If something doesn't fit, suck it up and delete it (you can always copy/paste it elsewhere to keep it in case it works later on, or you're just so damn proud of what you wrote that you don't want to banish it to the void). Chances are when you rewrite the scene or steer it in a more logical direction, you'll write something you like even more. If you don't, sometimes sacrifices must be made and you can refine the new thing until it's to your liking as many times as you want. OR you can commit to the new thing you wrote, but make sure to make all the changes to your plot and such necessary to have that thing make sense and flow well with the rest of what you're writing.

And very important: If you're writing for something that has a Canon, make sure what you're doing makes sense for the character. Don't have a "he would not fucking say that" / "he does not have the emotional intelligence for that" (HUGE ONE. Modern fandom has a massive problem with bitching about characters not communicating, but if the character would not spill their guts to someone, don't fuckin do it!! Miscommunication sucks, but lack of communication is a device that often benefits plot and creates conflict necessary for an interesting story!!) / etc moment. Dig into the character's brain and understand how they work, take what you know about how they are in situations and in general and apply that. Binge read character analysis for help, your best resources are your fellow fandom mates who are insane about their little guys. Consult them if you can't find any analyses, they'll write you a whole essay often times. Characterization is extremely important and many readers just straight up won't read your thing if you're butchering their special guy. For example, Phil is deeply allergic to sharing his burdens and hates the idea of putting his friends in danger. Obviously I'm not gonna have him venting to anyone who'll listen that he's being possessed by a god they don't even know of and that he needs their help. Even when you're writing an AU, that will rarely ever make the character's canon way of being irrelevant, you just have to think about how those traits would look in your universe/specific situation. There's still even more nuance to this I won't cover, but just keep in mind that writing a character accurately matters!

#writing #fanfiction #fanfic #qsmp #<- for fellow qsmpers who plan to write stuff

[system-of-a-feather]

Something that's worried us about fusion is how seemingly opposite or contradictory identities can become cohesive and integrated without causing further issues. From a trans perspective, some parts of us have dysphoria over the fact we have breasts now, others have dysphoria over the fact we haven't had surgery, and others still would have dysphoria if we were to have surgery.

I don't know if you have experiences with anything similar but if you have any insights into how bridging the gap may be possible it would really help <3

God yeah no, as a nonbinary system this shit fucking is hard so I feel you. I'm actually having to sit here a bit to think about how I would explain how thats ended up going with us. The short answer is, we kind of just stopped thinking too heavily about the long term goals as explicitly and trying to define our experiences into one box or another and rather than trying to debate what we'd do, we started to largely settle on "lets explore the options and be open to experiences on both and all ends and live out BOTH goals and see how / if our complex feelings on the matter change"

Because honestly - and I am hesitant to say this somewhat cause it might come off as upsetting, 'transphobic', or triggering to people who are more In the Depths of Dysphoria cause it really didn't help distressed parts in the past as much - but you would be surprised how much more okay and navigable topics are in practice than they are in your head. The world is a lot more diverse and things can be not that bad, not as bad, or completely different than you expect and with what dysphoria may tell you it would be - in both directions of 'no surgery' and 'yes surgery'.

I don't really think that fluidity of gender identity and expression really ever goes away, and honestly, it really doesn't have to. Your gender as confusing and complex and contradictory as it is, is still inherently cohesive in the sense gender doesn't have to be cohesive or permanent. Of course that doesn't help the situation with deciding permanent changes (like surgery), but at that point that's also just the curse of being nonbinary / genderfluid / bigender / polygender / pangender. And this isn't to downplay how uniquely frustrating it can be as a system, because god having those fluid changes have full on voices, personalities and identities DOES NOT help with it, but its to say that having that contradicting, confusing, and conflicting gender experience is not inherently pathological - at least not in the DID sense.

It's just stupid gender issues /affectionate /lh /being trans is suffering sometimes I swear to god/ /joking

The best way we've navigated this though is to just focus on the current present, focus on exploring and testing what is okay, helps, and hurts, focus on our current in-the-moment feelings about things as we explore it, focus on deeply understanding and talking to parts about how they are feeling in the current moment about things and keep that discussion open ended and genuinely accepting, and focus on what your feelings to their feelings are. It's a long process but explore, listen to yourself and listen to your parts WITHOUT trying to argue or push a long term future agenda or plan or anything. Just listen and focus on the present exploration.

Doing so largely helps paint a clearer image of your collective experiences and what are things that you Must Have and things that you Must Not Have as well as creative ways to Sometimes Have things and Sometimes Not Have things. You'd be pretty surprised how much exploration and focus on the present, short term possibilities can come up with some really creative ways to embrace a non-traditional expression and way of living that doesn't fit into boxes as clearly

And also, most importantly, work with a gender-informed therapist if you can cause they can be SUPER helpful in bridging and connecting experiences and adding suggestions.

#alter: fei #alter: riku #actuallydid #dissociative identity disorder #final fusion #functional multiplicity #wishiwashi recovery #ask #asks #trans #transgender #nonbinary #genderfluid #bigender #polygender #pangender

[punch-love]

12, 19, 21, 25, 27, 28, 29 (real curious about this one), 31, 34, 37,

OKAY fuck that's a lot of questions ik. But like if it's too much ya can answer whichever the ones ya want. Also the <<<40>>>> this question deserves a special place cause I AM FERAL AND BAT SHIT CRAZY TO ANYTHING RELATED TO LOVE-PUNCH.

12. Is there an episode above all others that inspires you just a little bit more?

I really enjoy the (singular) episode we've gotten for these two. In the context of the comics, one of my favorites is the one where Wade has to talk Peter out of going too dark-sided, which was a really fun contrast and something that Peter ended up thanking him for which is pretty rare for him.

19. Stephen King once said that his muse is a man who lives in the basement. Do you have a muse?

I'm very much my own muse, and I mean that in the vainest and most honest way possible.

21. How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

I can't even begin to count this number. It's a lot. It's like - it's a lot. I really won't post something until I can read through it and not feel the urge to adjust or change anything. I'm a picky reader, so that - is not an easy thing to accomplish. I also have a great beta who will sometimes rewrite portions, reorganize my flow, or pick specific sections that should be rewritten or re-evaluated, and so I'll send a couple of drafts over in that case so - yeah, the number is high. I take the editing stage very seriously.

25. What do you look for in a beta?

I was very lucky to have my beta @maybe-haunted ask to work with me on chapter one of my first posted work, so I've never necessarily looked for one. I've just been very fortunate to have the perfect one find me. I don't ask for creative help often, so the thing I appreciate about my beta (one of many) is that they make me feel very safe sharing something in a very raw, very imperfect state. I only publish polished works, but they've seen my writing at it's roughest and most incomprehensible, and they're always able to be very direct about what does/doesn't work while making me feel comfortable in that experience. I love knowing what's going on in the reader's mind, and they're a very good audience for getting that type of feedback. They also individually comment on all the sections/moments they like or hit really well for them, and that is just - let me tell you. The best part of the editing process is getting to read what they thought about it and getting to experience in real-time how my writing is being ingested by another person weeks before it's ever shown to my bigger audience. I really appreciate them a lot.

27. How do you feel about collaborations?

I don't enjoy them! I really like being the only guy steering the ship. I have never enjoyed collaborative projects. I have talked about writing something with @periodically-puzzled, and they're probably the only person I'd do it with. That being said, I love collaboration within idea sharing and editing, and I've taken a lot of ideas/feedback/snippets from my writing friends and beta before, and I love seeing how the hand of another person influences and changes my writing. I also enjoy seeing my hand in other people's work, but it's the difference between adding spice to the soup and making a soup with someone else. I much prefer adding spice/having spice added then having to share kitchen space.

28. Share three of your favorite fic writers and why you like them so much.

@periodically-puzzled: funny and immensely clever, such a clear narrative voice, and very intentional with the stories they like to tell. the first time I read their work, I felt like I had found a pearl in a sea of rocks. there's just something very individualistic about how they write. you can see the person behind the wheel and it makes it all that more interesting. also one of the few people to actually trigger me with their writing.

@primewritessmut: gnarly and so violent in a way that actually makes their writing almost bleed with it. there are writers who are like "wow I'm such a psychopath for writing this there must be something wrong with me" but they are literally babies in the face of whatever is happening inside prime's mind. her writing makes me flinch and I really enjoy that experience of not being able to look away. also just, the ability to finish so many interesting and complex stories is always something that impresses me.

@x-gon-give-it: really, immensely obsessed with their current WIP with a mercenary spider-man. the writing is just - incredible. there are passages and bits from it that cycle around my head in a loop. really just cracked peter parker on the sidewalk and made us all look at the inside of his fucked up brain. really very talented at writing violence and like, razor sharp intimacy. I take notes whenever I read one of the new chapters, honestly.

29. If you could write the sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there not written by yourself, which would you choose?

I know you were interested in this answer specifically, but I honestly would not do write a sequel or prequel for anyone else's work. that's just not how my brain works. part of that comes from the fact that I have a complicated, often negative relationship with people creating works inspired from my own, so it's not something I would do to another writer.

31. Do you take liberties with canon or are you very strict about your fic being canon compliant?

I take liberties by claiming everything I write is inspired by canon even which it's in direct opposition of it.

34. What are your thoughts on non-con and dub-con?

I love it a lot. I read a lot of it. I write a lot of it. I think it's a safe space for people to explore something complicated and/or objectively horrible that is often inspired by real world experiences and fears. I used to say that I wouldn't write non-con, and I still stand by the fact that I probably wouldn't write sexual non-con for my own mental health, but I am exploring a technically not sexual non-con scenario in a one-shot right now.

37. Talk about your current wips.

The not sexual non-con scenario I'm working on is one where Spider-Man goes feral and Wade keeps him in a cage and starves him on purpose to see if he can get Spider-Man to cannibalize him.

40. Write an alternative ending to [insert fic title] (or just the summary of one).

I'm going to be so real, I almost didn't answer this one because I don't like to talk about my endings (even their direct opposites) before I write them, but I did end up thinking about this enough to probably warrant an answer. I think that if (redacted) didn't happen, then they would remain enemies who absolutely hate everything about each other in the way that only bitter ex's really can.

I think that they would know too much about each other and that they would intentionally make each other's lives miserable because of it. They're both very vindictive people who love to hold a grudge, and both of them would feel victimized by how (redacted) went down and would feel like the other person was their personal villain.

I think Wade wouldn't kill Spider-Man, not out of love, but because he'd enjoy hurting him too much, and I think that Spider-Man would break his no-kill rule specifically to shut Wade up sometimes. I think Wade would bring the worst out of Peter, and Peter would make Wade want to destroy the best inside himself. It would be a 24/7 divorce court, but the court is the city and neither party is happy with the verdict and keep on trying to hurt each other to make up for it. I think eventually one of them would leave the city, and they would never see each other again, but the hate would never fully go away - and if they made their way back to each other, it would burn twice as hot. It would be like a full circle moment, then ending with how they started but this time with twice the amount of knowledge and the hate would be actually personal this time. That would be the alternative ending.

#mailbox #ask game #oh the alternative ending to love-punch would be so fun to write but it would end SOOOOO poorly #it's a miracle it ends well at all. is what I'm saying #thanks for the questions some of these were hard to answer but for sure made me think #not sure if that's the alternate ending you wanted to hear about. honestly it surprised me it didn't end with wade killing peter #but like. I don't think he could. by the end. not because he's a good person but because peter wouldn't let him

[probablysimpledreams]

Omg hello Cam nation life has been wild but I wanna be on here more LOL I have two fics in the works rn (one Cora<3 and one Asahi <3 I have really been on my large and scary looking but actually loser sweetheart man kick lately <333) so hopefully spring break brings me creative energy or refreshes me so post-spring break me gets a creative streak

more to come regarding that

ANYWAYS

I started this post off half an edible last night and now am having a margarita at the airport since my flight got delayed💀 and since life has been crazy so the self ship brain rot has been INSANE lately esp bc me and one of my besties rewatched a bunch of HQ!! lately so I've been thinking about Asahi and am about to share all these ideas<3 I'm putting in undercut feel free to interact or share any of your self ships

We def met in class like some elective literature course. Our majors are so different with me being in anthropology and him in fashion school we both would pick some random historical literature class just to do something different and get out of our own departments. It would take at least half the semester for us to star talking though. I am notorious for a little classroom crush so I fell in love on sight, constantly talked about him to my friends, constantly had my friends asking if I had talked to him yet, stalked his Instagram to learn about him, etc. And though Asahi has a better grip on his anxiety when in college, he's still prone to anxious habits and after how people saw him in high school as "scary" he is not one to put himself out there. So he ends up having a lil classroom crush on me as the days go by and as I speak out more in class. I love a good chance to talk which I think he'd admire and it would make him fall for me. Half way through the semester I would finally make the move by asking him to be my partner on the newest assignment for the class. We'd both just be standing there like "holy fuck this hot person is talking to me" but not realize that the other is thinking it too LMAO. But you know as time went on and we got closer (being project partners meant the BEST reason to get his number see I be PLANNING) and I finally worked up the courage to ask him on a date and he said yes<33

Once finally in a relationship I feel like we'd have to opposite of a honeymoon phase. The first few months would be very awkward and we both overthink to the max so we'd be very scared of upsetting the other. After some time thought we'd finally have a nerve wracking yet honest conversation to actually establish boundaries, what we need, etc and like never have a relationship problem again. And that's when we both realize how much words of affirmations are both our love languages so we get comfortable being sappy<33 like we’re SO that couple saying cutesy shit 24/7 and leaving lil notes for each other on the mirror or in each other’s backpacks etc!! And we’re both not really PDA people so it balances perfectly😝

We have the same music taste for SURE like we both love some indie, mountain music I’m talking Briston Maroney, Noah Kahan, Backseat Lovers, etc we are both men with anxiety so this genre speaks to us🙏 However, Asahi does not understand the Lana hype but still supports me LOL sometimes I just have to cosplay a woman in a toxic relationship on the west coast (all things I’m just not💀) and he’s learned to let me have my fun after some reassurance that I just like the music and don’t actually think of him as bad (he’s too precious pls)

We are SO interested in each other’s line of work like I’m always excited over his sketches and pieces he’s making!!! And I’m always asking him a million questions about the process and all he does!! And on the same coin he’s always so fascinated with my research my main focus is on Pacific Archaeology so I always give him TedTalks™️ on everything he loves it!! I also intern at a museum so he’s always asking me questions about it. And a lot of what I’ve been lately at the museum is fashion history, so I love to tell him all about it!!

We compliment each other perfectly bc I’m very bubbly and outgoing!! So I’m very much a conversationalist and sometimes people think bc of that and my size that they can walk all over me. This is where Asahi’s natural intimation comes into play once mfs see him they KNOW not to fuck around. And on the other side, due to my extroverted nature I can easily jump into a conversation Asahi is actively trying to step away from without being rude. I feel like he gets quickly drained from strangers but I can talk to anyone for hours so I step him. This also is helpful bc I easily can make reservations and really any other scenario where he’s feeling too shy to directly say what he’s thinking/needs. I also am not afraid to fight for refunds and shit so he’s happy to let me take the wheel LOL

I just know we’d both get along with one another friends SO well😝 on that note Suga and I are so stoner buddies (you can’t tell me college suga didn’t smoke). Asahi would rarely smoke but when he does he just goes lol nonverbal and gets cuddly. Which honestly works good bc I just get happy and yap once again that perfect balance💗‼️

Most of our dates are just chill dates. We watch a LOT of TV together between anime and cooking shows and documentaries we just love a good lay in bed watching TV time. When we go out, it’s to museums and cafes!! We try and go to a cutey local coffee shop at least once a week just to get out. Sometimes it turns into homework dates or reading dates but mostly we just sit and talk and enjoy the fact there’s no rush. I currently have a coffee sticker book so he makes sure I always get a sticker when at new places🥺 I always switch up what I get but Asahi always gets a cappuccino and we usually split a lil pastry (usually I can talk him into buying multiple to try tho hehe)

I keep him updated on all the stupid TikTok drama bc I get disgustedly invested and that app can make me so mad so I go on RANTS about people being stupid it just always makes him laugh he thinks I’m just the most lovely thing all fired up even if it’s over something so unreal. I’m also OBSESSED with that Bistro Huddy tiktok series that is literally just one guy idk it’s SO good I make him watch it with me all the time LOL

Overall we are in love love🥰😝🥰

#self ship o’clock #god he’s perfect I’m going crazy #I wanna bite his arm #asahi azumane #self ship #self ship content #haikyuu #haikyuu self ship #self ship headcanons

[queenofbaws]

random bits and bobs about fuck no: the movie: the au because as i'm trying to shift into finishing some wips, it keeps popping up in my head...

does that mean i have a fuck no: the wip in process?

maybe.

is it a fuck no: the oneshot?

probably.

will any of these little details ever see the light of day in actual writing?

who's to say.

but here they are anyway. reader beware, i mention some chronic medical stuff in here, so if that's not your jam, you're in for a scaaaaaare. also this IS a climbing chrash or chris/ashley/josh au, so if that's not your jam either, HOO BOY.

the little underground indie horror studio everyone's favorite garbage pail kids start gets named Hidden Basement Workshop - something that, at first blush, just seems like a sly nod to josh's whole deal during the prank...and it is that, but it's also a fun signature that includes all their initials: HBW, hartley, brown, washington.

after the whole blackwood pines fiasco, josh needs a bunch of reconstructive surgery that leaves him with some facial scarring, but what really gets him (because it's MY au and i get to project wherever i WANT) is the onset of fibromyalgia once he's out of the hospital; chris sustains a fairly rough knee injury that causes him to favor his other leg and wear a brace on and off; and ashley develops migraines and some slight vision issues that necessitate her wearing glasses. they were indoor kids before the pines...after the pines, they're even more so.

this is where the scheming begins.

when the titular movie actually comes into play, or at least an early version of it they can pitch, the gang splits up responsibilities fairly evenly: ashley is, of course, the one to write the damn thing, but josh is the one to adapt it into a screenplay before handling most of the practical effects, and chris handles sound mixing/visual effects/editing. once they blow up and hire more bodies, things change, but their core roles never shift tooooooo much.

josh and ashley simply cannot work in the same room together. it doesn't matter if they're working on different projects. it doesn't matter if they're both wearing headphones. nothing matters. they just can't do it. they're always antsy the other one is looking over their shoulder and waiting to throw their two cents in, so they have to work separately.

chris does not have this issue. in the slightest. once chris is in the zone, a category 5 hurricane could be happening behind him and he'd have literally no idea.

everyone who doesn't know better assumes that they get their OH SO CREATIVE ideas from their combined history - josh's dad being in the horror movie business for years and years, chris being chronically online and familiar with game/tech development, ashley inhaling stephen king novels even before she could walk - but everyone in the know will tell you they're just vultures, plain and simple, buying the rights to any story they sniff out through the grapevine and turning it into something terrible.

josh and conrad/julia's parents were always buddies, but they fell off for a bit after hannah and beth went missing. that is, until (surprise) josh hears a really strange story over family dinner one night and calls the conman himself to "catch up." they spend a very strange night talking about pirates and sexy, sexy grandma zombies.

barely a week later, conrad handles the pr for hbw and the rest of the gang who found themselves kidnapped from the duke that night now find themselves significantly richer than they used to be. significantly.

they don't pick up new employees every time they hear about and snatch up someone's story, but...it happens. taylor and daniel eventually join on to help with stunts and blocking. mark gets offered a position as director of photography and leaps at the opportunity.

nothing - literally N O T H I N G - supernatural/paranormal EVER happens to them again...unless you count the eerie way they're able to track down stories of weird shit happening to other people ;)c

the three of them wear converses to every. single. movie premiere of theirs. it drives conrad up the fucking wall.

the garage of their place is just used for josh to make the worst, most gruesome props mankind has ever seen, so woe betide anyone who goes in there thinking it's the door to a bathroom or the laundry room. woe. betide.

eventually they decide they need a pet and end up adopting the angriest, mangiest, most torn-up old fighting tomcat they can find at the animal shelter. he's grey (sort of), is totally blind in one eye, and will let ashley and josh pet him, but only chris is given the honor of holding him for any amount of time. he swears he even heard him purr once! they name him jack and no one can ever decide if it's a joke or a memorial. probably it's both.

#queenie rambles about supermassive #fuck no: the movie #just thinkin a lot about this au lately......when i shouLD BE THINKING ABOUT GHOSTS AND SUCH

[starified-lizzy]

So much for taking time off the Internet (which I think all of us desperately need to do to some degree, whether or not you care/know about the issue or not)

Anyways, here’s a list of fictional men I still look up to who I demand can do no wrong:

Starting off strong with ATLA characters-

Aang. He is baby boy and is very kind and gentle and I strive to be as kind and gentle as him, not only to others, but to myself.

Sokka. He’s very inventive, and I strive to have that same level of problem-solving and creativity, along with that level headedness he gains as the show progresses.

Zuko. He’s definitely had his moments, but I look up to him because he turned himself around and was able to stand up to the people who have hurt him the most and I LOVE that for him. I wish to be able to do that one day as well.

Now: literally only two people from my FNF au, which are Blue and Navy. Both of them, because they are babygirl and just genuinely sweet and kind and I love them.

Last: my own characters. Is this just an excuse to talk about my children? At this point- yeah

Saline: fuck you and your mother, I’m not getting rid of them. He may be based off of that asshole, but she is my child and I love them (they’re technically categorized under the “men I look up to” because he is AMAB and doesn’t care how one perceives her, hence the use of all pronouns. Besides, they are more of a man in terms of respect than most IRL cis men are in my life.)

Liam: literally the only person who is able to wrangle a literal world-ending demon and his leech, while also being such a kind and gentle man in the process. We love Liam in this household.

Sadly most of my characters are either women- or men who have little to no redeemable qualities.

Now we go onto the topic of: fictional men who are essentially assholes, but I love them because they’re not real.

First up, Pico and Darnell, and I’m talking canon, not au. Au would mostly be the same, but Darnell is a lot more chill, and Pico becomes more babygirl as he grows as a person, so I’m talking mostly about canon.

They’re assholes, but I love em for it. I think the only reason why I love them and their character so much is because I first found out about them through FNF. I am willing to bet that if I had been introduced to them in Pico’s School, I would have vastly different opinions on both of them. I think my immediate selling point for adoring them was when I came up with the idea that Nene, Darnell, and Pico were like a found family type group instead of just batshit-insane school-friends. I adore found family tropes and they fit that bill, so.

Next is Spirit, C, and Soul, and now I’m talking about them from my au.

Now you may be wondering “how is Soul considered and asshole???” And I’ll tell you, my dear reader (how tf did you get this far) in due time if you’d be so kind and follow my blog dedicated for the au.

Anyways, Spirit’s an asshole because he just is. When he was alive, he was highly narcissistic and self-centered, only doing things for others if it benefited him in the end. When he meets Blue and all that resulting shit happens, he calms the fuck down and actually becomes a decent person, but his past self was not pretty.

C doesn’t get that luxury of becoming a better person. He’s just an asshole. However it’s not his fault, he was made like that. He can’t help but do things that can be perceived as “assholish”, but he does try to be kind… as kind as he can be considering he can’t really feel any emotions.

Soul… is very interesting. He… ends up doing questionable things… despite being viewed as a kind and trustworthy person, and like- he has a really bad moment of being a dick, but like- he gets better???? Idk. He’s a goofball, so he immediately gets pardoned from my torment (mostly).

Next we return to my characters.

First is Limbo, my demon cat boy. Heeeeeee is also based off another person, but nobody that has had any issues to my knowledge. He has almost caused the end of the world, almost killed his friends multiple times, and is just generally an ass person. The singular person who can keep him from doing “hot gay man-demon shit” is Liam.

Tenebris Oritur, the giant serpent fuck I haven’t drawn in ages. While They are not human, nor a man, I’m still throwing Them into this category because of the fact They’re stuck with Limbo’s dumb bitchass. Hi, yes, hello, spoilers for my old ass fic I am now never going to finish lmfao (;-;) Oritur is the thing that almost destroyed the world because They’re too bitchy to let shit go.

And that’s it. If you guys potentially have any suggestions for this list, please leave both the character’s name, the section they it under, and why- either in tags, or in the replies. Thank you for listening this far into my TED talk.

#random #rants #rants n rambles #atla #apocalypse au #demon au #fnf au #fnf #oc rant #I’m really loosing my mind here #I love all the characters listed for various reasons #but ya

[dragonmuse]

@trippyvulcan @bonsaibovine and two anons have asked for Pickle at the stakeout and who am I to argue?

"How do you spell 'mountain?" Pickle asked.

Izzy glanced in the rearview mirror. She was sitting in a way she tartly informed him was now called 'criss-cross applesauce' in the backseat with her little lapdesk pulled close. It was purple (never pink, she only liked purple) and there was a star pattern on the soft bottom. She had a few colored pencils in one hand, writing carefully with the other.

"M," Read said patiently, waiting for her to form the entire letter before offering the next.

Jim, in the passenger seat, hds unwavering focus on their target until Read says , 'I'

"A," Jim said absently.

"Really?" Read frowned.

"Yeah, A then I" Jim nods. "Pretty sure."

Pickle caught Izzy's eye in the mirror, apparently waiting for a deciding vote.

"Jim's right."

"Okay," she went on writing.

"I blame the public school system," Read muttered. "And spellcheck."

"Blame it on the rain," Jim shrugged. "Who cares? You're not getting graded on...what are you actually doing, P?"

"They show us a picture and we have to write three sentences about it," she sighed like the weight of the world is on her shoulders. "It's dumb."

"Homework is the worst," Read said sympathetically. "I gotta write a ten page paper when I get home."

"Ten?" Pickle asked, appalled. "How many sentences is that? A hundred?"

"At least," Read agreed.

"Did you do something wrong?"

"Nope. College classes are just like that sometimes."

"What do you have to write about?"

"Uh," Read, who was currently taking a truly disturbing class in child abuse that had resulted in several late night conversations where she and Izzy did not make eye contact and occasionally drank heavily, fumbled. "Boring adult stuff."

"Okay," Pickle accepted that. "Can I have a snack?"

"You already had one," Izzy reminded her. "Your mother will shatter my eardrums if I ruin your dinner."

"Again," Jim mumbled, lips twitching.

"I gotta pee," she announced another minute later.

Everyone groaned.

"I got it," Read decided. "There's a convenience store with one a block back, I'll get a bottle of water. Anyone else?"

"Yeah, thanks," Izzy nodded.

"I'm good," Jim shrugged.

It was definitely not stealth for Pickle to tumble out of the car, drop half her pencils in the process, pick them up with much carrying on while Read tried to make sure she wasn't hit by oncoming traffic. Then again, who would think that such a scene would come from a car doing surveillance? It probably worked out.

"She's bored," Jim observed.

"Yeah, yeah, I know," he sighed. "But we're all being paid to be here."

"Don't understand why. Standard point and click."

"I don't argue with fat wallets."

So of course five minutes later, a guy in just his underwear and carrying a very large gun tapped on their window.

"Your turn," Jim groaned.

"Nope, I got the fucker with the automatic last month."

"He wasn't even holding it right!"

"Still counts," he said smugly.

"Fine!"

Jim slammed the door open, jamming the gun into the guys chest then burst outward to land a punch into his nose. Doubled over, they went to work and Izzy waited for them to quit playing with their food before getting out.

He approached the guy, standing over him with a shake of the head,

"Your wife just wanted to know who you were fucking, dumbass."

"I know!" The guy groaned, curling in around his many aches. Jim was breaking down the gun, pocketing the bullets. "She'll leave me if she finds out!"

"Yeah, sounds like a you problem."

"Uncle Izzy?" Pickle asked from behind him. Shit. "Does that guy need help?"

Jim shot him a wide-eyed look. Izzy, who would never be a strategist, but was maybe a little more creative these days, kept his voice level.

"Nope. He just got a little confused. He's gonna get up and go back home now. Right?" Izzy gave the guy his best dead-eyed stare and reached into his jacket.

"Yeah! Yep. Going!" The guy stumbled to his feet and rabbited off, giving the neighborhood a long eyeful of too much skin. "Sorry to bother you!"

Izzy dropped his hand away. He had a knife on him, but it was in his boot. Waist sheaths were a nightmare if you were going to be sitting for any length of time. Idiot.

"Why was he in his underwear?" Pickle asked.

"Poor planning," Jim said gravely.

They both turned to look at her. Pickle was wearing her favorite shirt with some cartoon dog with a truly upsetting proportion of eyes to face, purple leggings and shoes that despite being almost brand new, looked like they'd been attacked by bears. Her expression was so Delly-like, all judgement and thunder that Izzy felt a little haunted.

"I think you guys beat him up," she decided, crossing her arms over his chest.

"Well-" Izzy started.

"And I missed it!" She stomped one foot. "No fair!"

Read caught up with them, holding a collection of water bottles and, unmistakably, Pickle's favorite potato chips. Goddamnit. Now he didn't even have anything to bribe her with.

"It wasn't a very good beating," Jim offered. "He kind of just fell over. Pretty boring."

"I never get to see anything cool," she fumed onward.

"Good news is, we get to go back to the office."

"Can I cut up old paper?" She asked, narrowing her eyes.

"Yeah, sure," Izzy said readily. Pickle had really taken to shredding documents. Did a decent job too.

"Do I have to finish my homework?"

Silence. Read and Jim were having a conversation of facial expressions that Izzy was ignoring so he wouldn't have to murder them both at a later time.

"How about you get as much done in the car as you can?"

"...deal," she capitulated.

"And you're telling Delly you fed her chips," Izzy hissed at Read.

"That's cool, she likes me better than you anyway," Read said breezily.

Which was probably true considering Read would occasionally babysit for date nights, something Izzy rarely consented to do since they coincided with his own date nights. Lucius liked Pickle in theory, but was charmingly terrified of small children that were left in his care for any length of time. He was better with teenagers.

Fuck, Pickle at fifteen would be a horror show. World enough and time for that. Maybe Izzy would die before it happened, that was a cheering thought.

"Hey, boss," Jim said halfway back to the agency. "Do we have to go out again tomorrow? We didn't actually get the shot."

"....shit. I'll call her, let her know what happened. See how she wants to play it," he blew out a breath. "What a stupid piece of shit."

"Don't say stupid," Pickle scolded from the backseat.

"Yeah, boss," Jim cackled.

"What should I say instead?" He asked, resigned.

"Silly," Pickle informed him.

Jim and Read were both looking at him expectantly.

"No."

"Aw, c'mon," Read pleaded. "Just once."

"It's only appropriate to model good behavior," Jim said flatly, in the way they did when they were borrowing Stede-talk. He fucking hated Stede's bullshit, but it was somehow even worse when filtered through Jim's irony.

"I will stop here, kick you out and make you walk back."

"Pickle would get tired," Read frowned.

"Pickle can stay," he snorted. "She's doing her fucking job. You're being pains in the ass because you can be."

"Yeah!" Pickle grinned. "Wait, what's my job?"

"Being 8," he told her. "Your job responsibilities are finishing the damn homework sheet, cutting up pieces of paper and causing aneurysms. You get compensated in juice boxes and potato chips."

"Cool," she decided and started writing again.

"I think she should renegotiate," Read suggested.

"If you three unionize against me, I'm retiring. You can run the place."

"But the accounting software hates us," Jim wrinkled their nose.

"It's not doing errors at you if you keep feeding the wrong data in."

"You always say that," Jim grumbled.

"Always fucking true."

Back at the office, everyone dispersed to their separate corners. Pickle got the client chair, a massive pair of scissors and a stack of confidential papers to shred.

Read was clearly working on her paper, but since her hours were exceedingly random at this point between classwork and her second job, Izzy left her to it. Jim was transcribing, headphones in and tapping away.

All in all, it felt like an industrious workplace, even if it was partially fictional.

"Hey, what's the word when you're like...careful, but in a bad way?" Read asked. "My brain is mush today."

"Over cautious," Jim suggested.

Read shook her head.

"Paranoid," Izzy provided.

"Oh thank fuck, yes that's it."

"Can I have a juice box?" Pickle asked, coming perilously close to her fingers. She'd never done it yet though, so he left her to it and fished a juice box out from the mini fridge.

He had to duck under the lemon tree to get it and when he turned around to hand it to her, he spotted.

"Holy shit," he leaned in to make sure he wasn't imagiing it, but htere it was. "Jim!"

"What?"

"Your s-" he caught himself and then resignedly plowed on. "Your silly fucking lemon tree finally made a lemon."

"No way!" Jim got to their feet and rushed over. Pickle weaseled in between their legs and Read was practically pressed to his back.

He pointed up to the higher leaves where there was perfectly beautiful yellow fruit.

"I guess it just needed some time," Read whispered like the words might scare the fruit away.

"What do you do with it?" Pickle asked, craning her head up. "Lemonade needs more lemons, right?"

"We still got sugar packets from the last coffee run?" Jim was already turning looking for them. Read fished a few out from the box on top of the mini fridge.

Which was how Delly came to pick up Pickle and found three grown people and her daughter, all sucking on lemon slices coated in sugar.

"You know what?" Delly decided. "I don't even want to know."

"It's really good!" Pickle bounced to her feet, gathering her things. "And I learned how to spell 'mountain'."

"That's great," Delly smiled at her, then darted an acessing look to her brother. Izzy shrugged, and picked up his remaining slice. "Want one?"

"...yes," she took it from him with a sigh. "It smells great in here actually."

The lemon tree produced a great many more lemons from there on out, but it was the first one that stayed with Izzy the most. Sour as anything, sweetened by scrounged sugar packets and the company he had learned to keep.

#leda house and the kraken verse #Callahan Investigations

[brenbrennn]

ᴏɴᴇ ʟᴀꜱᴛ ɢᴏᴏᴅʙʏᴇ - ɪᴀɴ ɢʀɪᴍᴍ

Paring: Ian Grimm x Reader (Art director of Mythic Quest) Authors Note: -> Soooo.... hi! As you can see , I may have died again. Some things didnt go as planned which is why I couldn't do the winter prompts. I’m holding out for next year to actually do them , since the idea seemed vv fun. Speaking of next year , I wanna try experimenting with writing for more fandoms - also I want to get a better schedule with writing. While in my down time , I decided to binge watch Mythic quest and that's how this was created. I hope you all enjoy , and I'm planning to post another request I got as a new years treat. It involves Critical Role (￢‿￢ ) Summary: You would never deny that Mythic Quest helped you a lot. Never forgetting your good time friend Ian asking you to head the Art team. But now , it all felt incorrect. As if there was more for you in the vast world of video games. After you got a job offer in New York for someone whos looking for a Creative Director , your gonna have to break it to your now situation-ship Ian Grimm. Content Warning: In general , just arguing but also not really? Feeling empty/unwanted with your current position. Ian being sad which you know will get some tears flowing. Other than that I think that's all , as always let me know if I should add anymore. Time for the teary eyed angst my friends!!                     ︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵ ︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵ You were somewhat done packing. Shoving your bags with the leftover stuff at Ian’s compound. Holy shit this was a lot. You would have never expected in a million years to be leaving this all behind. It didn’t help with the emotions flooding through you during the process. As if you were betraying the family you had stuck with for so long. But you didnt know if you could stay with Mythic Quest any much longer. You wanted to embrace your potential and this was the only way. It was a huge mix of feelings , regret and hope being two of them You had hope in them , and now you just had to have hope in yourself. Right when you finished putting all your lasting items away , the front door opened. It was Ian , your circumstances coming to full front realizing this was also his house. He stood in the door way , stopped in his tracks. Everything around you got ice like cold. From looking down into your suit case , you couldn't help but look up at him. He genuinely had the face of being paused in time. More so shocked than mad. You had shame written all over your features , immediately looking back down to your half-open bag.

Stopped in his tracks , his eyes darted around the place. The things you had set up before now gone. Your ��pizzaz” seemed to have been stripped from the walls. His eyes felt like they were burning a crater in the back of your head. Finally after this gut churning silence he said something.

“What… what are you doing?” He spoke , almost above a mutter. You could tell his tone was a little shaken but of course that couldn’t be crystal clear. “I’m packing since my flight leaves pretty soon.” You mumbled. “Flight? Why didn’t you tell me this sooner? What the fuck?” He questioned you. His burning temper slowly rising in him.

“Look , hold your horses! You know how I mentioned someone getting in touch with me?” You said trying to calm this situation down. Right now you were up from the floor , your possessions now packed and ready. You couldn’t dare to look him in the eyes. While you were thinking , Ian could recall a conversation you both had over breakfast. You didn’t really mention who exactly  , but you went on about how excited you were with what the mystery person had proposed to you over e-mail.

“Yes… how does that literally play with you up and running off?!” He almost wheezed. In his state of mind everything was just firing off on cylinders. The argument with Poppy and now this? How fucking more could his day get worse. He was so tired , and now this was hitting him so soon.

“It plays a big part actually.” You murmured. Ian almost glared at you , but he was only so confused. His silence in return lead you to ramble on. You explained that a gaming company up in New York was looking for a Creative Director. They had saw your work on Mythic Quest and other projects in the past and were firm in you being a great Creative Director for them.

“Thats great and all but… why? I mean after so long , you promised to stay.” He groaned. You could clearly feel the pain in his words. Each one piercing your heart more and more. “Thats why I was hesitant at first. I loved Mythic quest since the day you wanted to create it. But I can’t keep waiting around to finally be taken seriously.”

“What do you even fucking mean?! I take you seriously, everyone does.” Ian pleaded. “Oh really? You know how many times you have dragged the art team to handle your personal problems. Like the whole shirt debacle you and Poppy had?” You ranted to him. “Don’t forget the times you’ve needed me to create shit on a dime!”

Ian just stared at you blankly , not finding any words to say. “You don’t get it , if I take this so much could change for me!” Your words were desperate, not wanting to leave this relationship sour. “I would have control over a lot of things , I could finally say what I want to do creatively..”

Over and over you listed reason after reason. “It’s not like I could go back and change it all anyways.” You mumbled just a little. “Excuse me?” Ian said in response , sounding immensely offended. “Well I did accept the position and I did give in my resignation to David.” You explained. “Why didn’t you tell me!” He almost shrieked again.

“BECAUSE I DIDN'T THINK YOU’D CARE!” You yelled back. Ian really was looking like a sad puppy , this was all so sudden. You really didn’t want to start yelling but there it was. “I didn’t really think that you would give two flying fucks.  Most of the time you seem fine without me so I didn’t really expect it to make a difference , much less a huge one.” You coldly remarked.

Ian still looked at you blankly before choking up just a little. “Fine , I can’t stop you now.” His tone was almost as if you were walking on ice. His words cracking , his vulnerability being forced behind closed doors. “Look , I’m never not gonna be grateful about what I got to do with Mythic quest.” You tried to patch the derailed conversation up.

“This game will always be the game that helped my career tremendously. Everyone will always be like a family , or nice close-knit group of weird strangers.” Trying to chuckle through the bleakness right about now. “But I have a bad feeling staying here any longer won’t turn out well. So I’m making my exit now.” You finished off.

“Please , let me try more. I never meant to make you feel so empty.” Ian was right about to begging. He felt so pathetic , he didn’t want to lose you at all. This was right out of his worst nightmares. Surprisingly has those , thought not so surprisingly in the end.

“You’ve tried enough already and what’s done is done. I’ll never regret anything I did with you or this company. Don’t ever fucking think I hate you.” You looked him right in his eyes. He looked so tired , never expecting to come back home to this news. He did a nod back to you in response , making sure not to show any tears. Walking over to the front door , you looked up more at him.

You took in his face for the last time. Using your other free hand to cup a side of his cheek. He’d let it happen , immediately sinking into your somewhat comfort. “This is in no way to raise your ego but… I believe in you Ian. I have for a good eight years. I know you guys have this without me.”

The guilt in his voice was clear now as he replied. “Does this mean your gonna say ‘fuck you’ to everything?” You couldn't help but snicker a little. “No of course not! I’ll always be a text or call away. I could never give this all up completely. This has became apart of me I’d never let it go.”

He chuckled , his laughter feeling bitter. With one more kiss of your palm you heard the honk of your lift outside. Taking a breath in , you brought him into a hug. More like a side hug but hey it worked. “Make sure you tell everyone I bid them my farewells.”  Ian nodded and you both parted from the hug. “God it sounds like your dying.” This made you both share one final laugh. “Take this as my almost figurative death from this game. Hey , maybe do a fake funeral for me leaving.” You brought up.

He did a little bitter sweet smirk. “I could probably get that rolling.” He was holding on to strings. He wanted to show his love for you. Embracing you in a full hug , kissing your face all over. But he was helpless , biting his time for too long. Another honk came from the car waiting.

You sighed , getting your stuff in hand ready to leave finally. “Oh don’t forget to tell Poppy I said goodbye , as well as good luck.” Ian nodded , “You should probably head out before they ditch you. You sighed once more , heavier for a more comedic effect. “Yeah your right..  well then this is goodbye.”  Again , one last final look was shared between you two. Following that you closed the door behind you as you headed to the car waiting. Ian couldn’t help as soon as you left to burst into tears. He felt this pit growing inside him. What were these big emotions? He hated them , god this all sucked.

Words of shame rang through his head , he had lost you. After so long he had finally lost you. He had fucked this all up so hard. He felt hopelessly guilty about the situation. He wanted to try and fix it but like you said to him , he couldn’t at all. Which is what pained him more.

Your brain cleared out once your driver started moving along. Sitting in the backseat , your thoughts felt like white noise. Ringing and ringing constantly. It was all so overwhelming, it just encouraged the floodgates to burst right open.

It made you feel small , but enough was enough. Changes had to be made and you were proud of yourself somewhat. You didn’t really know what tomorrow would end up being like. But now you had to be hopeful for tomorrow. There was no going back. It was now or never , you were happy with just that.

Grounding yourself to reality in the backseat of this randos car , the tears stopped flowing. You had to keep your head up , you can’t sink into the deep depths of sadness now. Which led you to be a weird kind of excited. Everything felt really heavy , but you could feel it was all gonna be lifted right off from you soon enough.

Finally you were gonna be able to breath once more.

#ian grimm #mythic quest #mythic quest x reader #mythic quest fanfic #mythic quest imagine #ian grimm x reader #ian grimm imagine #he may be a man child but i will smack him with all my love #Episode eight really gave me a lot of ideas #I will be most definitely adding Mythic Quest to my fandoms list #This show needs more love in the insert reader department #reader insert #x reader #flood my inbox!! #flood my comments!! #love yall ^^

[psychewritesbs]

hi again!! wishing you a really good week, and thanking the stars for having sent you my last ask; thank you so much for your reply!!! got so excited reading it, your words, taking your time to reply me, it really means the world to me..!!

"there's meaning in everything but if only we choose to create it in the face of the existential dread that is the chaos of the human experience" ohmmmfff!!!

loved that you got so Jungian with your reply, really into it and always curious about it!

"Gege has created a character that is a container for exploring ourselves creatively" yes!!!! not only Megumi got me thinking about the consequences of undermining myself, but also the implications of not asking for help, risking everything to save someone else, and asking myself who is worthy of being saved. even if doing everything you can to save someone you love is very admirable, i think Megumi creates this *illusion* to himself that he has the power to both save and decide who should be saved, and i can relate to that. at the same time, he doesn't seem to deem himself worthy of saving, disregarding his own life many times... i've been wondering for some time now: if for Megumi there are the good people, who should be saved no matter what it costs, and the bad people, who shouldn't be saved, while he himself doesn't seem to value his own life/finds it hard to ask for help... then which one of these, "bad" or "good", is he (to himself)? what does Megumi think he is worthy of, what does he think he deserves in his life?

"I wasn't scared to face what I saw in myself". i think this is a really really powerful process in our lives that Megumi's character can bring to surface - by us being open to it.

and i can see him going through *the tip* of this process, specifically after his first killing in the culling games, when he asks himself "what am i doing?".

"You made me realize I want to see him believe in himself again. When Megumi believes in himself, literal magic happens. (...) I cannot wait to see Megumi wreck Sukuna from the inside." holy sh*t yeah!!!!

i'm trying hard to trust Gege in showing us more about Megumi as he "re-negotiates this new philosophy about himself." cause i think, if not before, now this process is even more inevitable.

"I personally love how Gege has gone out of his way to show how immature Megumi is compared to other characters who share the same trope." yes!!!! that's a huge part of why i am so invested in Megumi. with the first glimpses of his philosophy about the world and himself, in the very beginning of the manga, i thought "damn you'll really have to reconfigure all of this and it. will. be. painful. and i'm here to see you deeply change your way of thinking - growing. bc it will be for the best, and it is inevitable".

i LOVED the list you made about the aspects you want to see Megumi grow in. really good!!!!

"I want to see him get pissed off, like really pissed off and fed up with his fate, and I want to see how that changes him and what he makes of it." shit. this is IT!!!

"And then maybe perhaps come to realize, once again, that he can't manipulate others because they too have a free will of their own." this is really hard, coming to terms with our limitations in regards to our own power... can be tough. it is tough. but once we realize it, it also starts to work the other way around: we too have a free will of our own, that's why we can say "fuck this fate", i'll make the best of it with what i can do, and i won't have to be alone through it.

"I may be projecting here but... Megumi's manipulative tendencies and the way he relates to others, it feels like it comes from a place in which his inner-child has not learned that it does not need to do anything to fulfill his need to be loved. Megumi is beloved, and its a real tragedy that he hasn't figured that out about himself." i... i actually cried hard reading this, thank you so much for your reply, jt really means the world to me, all of it, thank you so much for reading my ask and taking your time, your words and analysis are really powerful and much needed!!! this was a blessing to read, thank you thank you 🙌🙌🙌 !

ps: have you seen/read Monster? yesterday i cried watching this really good scene where the main character - who i think shares a lot of personality traits with Megumi, despite the huge differences - is told by an old man about how he lost the blessing of being close to this forest's birds after killing someone there. a bird lands in the main character's arm and the old man gets really emotional, and promises the bird that there won't ever be blood spilled in the forest again. Monster deals a lot with themes like saving/killing people too... xxx!

hola hola ♥️!

aaaaaah, te escribo en español por que sé que de una manera u otra me entiendes aunque sea un poco. Que linda! Obrigado por tus comentarios tan bonitos 🥺. Me da gusto saber que mis palabras tuvieron algún impacto en ti.

Ok back to English because even though Portuguese is very similar to Spanish I don't want to confuse you more lol.

My reply to you under the cut...

i think Megumi creates this *illusion* to himself that he has the power to both save and decide who should be saved, and i can relate to that. at the same time, he doesn't seem to deem himself worthy of saving, disregarding his own life many times

oh I love this observation about Megumi *thinking* he has the power to save others. It's like trying to grasp at air or water truly.

Also, the fact that Megumi does not look after himself is one of the most tragic things about him.

which one of these, "bad" or "good", is he (to himself)? what does Megumi think he is worthy of, what does he think he deserves in his life?

I'd say he doesn't think he's worthy of anything good?

This is why I love Megumi--as a character he's a great example of a clinical application of Psychology. A kid who is abandoned is likely to grow up with a very similar mindset as Megumi.

and i can see him going through *the tip* of this process, specifically after his first killing in the culling games, when he asks himself "what am i doing?".

Megumi is an interesting character to me because he, literally and figuratively, represents the Jungian shadow. Basically, his character is a repository for everything we don't like and deny about ourselves.

A theme that has been consistent in Megumi's character is the dichotomy between good and evil and how he rejects both aspects in himself.

Also, not sure if you've noticed how people only see Megumi's actions during the Culling Game as "self-preservation". To me, this is trying to justify his actions with logic because fandom can't fathom Megumi is anything other than a good person.

Truly, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

So I love what you've said here because it shows Megumi growing from coming to terms with the extremes within him and acknowledging what he did wasn't exactly good or bad.

i actually cried hard reading this

ah! totally did not mean to make you cry, my bad. But yeah... very relatable, isn't it?

The wound at the core of existence...

thank you so much for reading my ask and taking your time, your words and analysis are really powerful and much needed!!! this was a blessing to read, thank you thank you 🙌🙌🙌 !

🫣 you're so kind and I too am grateful for your kind words to me. Thank you for reading my nerderies. I am grateful to know anyone ever finds them powerful and much needed. Makes me want to continue writing. I like the idea of being able to help others have moments of insight about their own nature through my words.

Kind of interesting how I am a Jungian author... just about anime and manga loooool.

ps: have you seen/read Monster?

I have not! I think ma 🍒 has? I gotta ask her because she keeps mentioning an old manga that she loves and finds very impactful. Might add it to my ever growing, never ending queue of manga to read.

OBRIGADO again for all the kind words and for reaching out! Hope to continue hearing from you 🙏🏼.

#ask the mental gymnastics anime girl

[dee-dee-monster]

Then Out of the Aether - (Chapter 2)

Summary: Eddie spots a spy at game night. He learns a little more of what you’re all about. 

Chapter word count: 5,800

Chapter warnings: none! A little reader insecurity

A/N: Multi-chapter slow burn. Henderson!Reader.

Click here to find previous chapters

____________________________________

Anyone who knows Eddie knows he gets a giddy sort of high during an evening with the D&D crew. 

He has to put time and effort into fleshing-out a campaign, and it all comes to fruition when he and the guys actually play.  It's enthralling to see them get wrapped up in the world  he’s created. To see them enjoy the tour through his imagination. 

And getting let in on their creativity, too? 

Fucking fantastic. 

An honest, natural exchange. 

He enjoys basking in it.  He’s happy to linger around with the guys and talks over the surprises and choices of the night’s gameplay. 

He’s almost always the last to leave.  Not tonight, though. 

Henderson, Wheeler, and Sinclair are hanging around and chatting his ear off. They’re still new but enthusiastic, which he can only appreciate, really.  A few weeks in and they are finding their flow with the group, but they still worry whether they’re truly settling in. Like they think he’ll kick them out if they don’t live up to whatever they imagine he wants. 

He won’t. 

Fuck that. 

These boys need Hellfire like Eddie had needed Hellfire.  Needs  Hellfire. They deserved to know high school doesn’t have to be shit. That they can find their people. 

(Or, as had been the case, their people will find them.)

Henderson is in the middle of wondering if they should tell Will about the campaign or if it will make him jealous when Eddie sees you. He’s heard about this Will and his love of D&D before, but the kid doesn’t go to Hawkins anymore so there’s nothing Eddie can do about that. 

No, no… he’s distracted now. 

Unless he is very much seeing things – and he hasn’t taken anything that would make him suspect he’s hallucinating – your head had just popped around the door jamb.  You’d disappeared quickly, though.

Maybe he wouldn’t have even trusted his peripheral vision if he hadn’t also thought he saw you walk past earlier. 

Curious. 

But Eddie likes curious, so he ditches the conversation and strolls out into the hallway to investigate.  Sure e-fucking-nough.

There you are. 

 You don’t look like much of a sneak leaning up against a chipped locker, but he can’t think of many reasons for you to be lurking around school on a Friday evening. You’re a bit of a nerd, or whatever, but nobody likes school this much. 

“Well, well…thought I spotted a spy…”

Should he…be flattered? 

Maybe weirded out?

You blink at him innocently enough, but there’s no telling if that’s genuine. 

“A spy?” 

“Mmhmm…” Eddie crosses one arm over his chest and props the other on it so he can rub his fingers over his chin. “I just can’t decide whether or not it’s for hostile purposes…” 

His scrutiny only appears to fluster you a little – something he’s found to be on-brand for you. After a few moments to process, you steel up. 

Ready to play. 

He likes that. You seem to get him, sometimes. 

“Oh, I’m definitely here to infiltrate the party for devious reasons…” 

You’re nowhere near scary, but color him delighted by the correct lingo! Then again, you had known what you were seeing when you spotted his DM’s Guide.

…what does he have on his hands?

“Well,” Eddie contains his surprise in favor of keeping the stern visage he’d already adopted. “In that case I’ll be forced t—”  He is interrupted by Henderson, of all fucking people. He darts from the room, sidles himself in front of Eddie, and wiggles right up into your space like it’s the easiest thing. 

What’s more is how you allow it. 

You hardly even react. 

“Oh my god  – such a good session!” he cheers right at you. 

Your smile is indulgent and crinkles into your eyes, which Eddie certainly cannot comprehend. Dustin’s a neat kid and all, but still. Shit. 

“I’ll give you the play-by-play”

“Henderson–” Eddie chides. 

“Great”

…?

No way. You can’t actually mean that. 

You just can’t. 

“--but can I pull the car around?” Dustin plows on, completely unaware of Eddie’s confusion.

Frankly, it’s morphing slowly into a full existential crisis. 

You just roll your eyes and flick up a key ring to dangle a few inches above Henderson’s head.  

“Only if you’re careful” 

What is this? 

No. 

Really. 

What is even happening?

“Absolutely. Done.” 

“And …” you pause. “You cannot tell mom.” 

Oh!

Fucking oh. 

A simple solution. The simplest, really.

“I’m sorry. Do I look like an imbecile?” the Freshman bristles up at the suggestion he might run and snitch to their mommy. 

“Well…” Eddie pipes in. 

“I mean…” you shrug. 

“Shut up!” Dustin looks back around at Eddie and then to  you. “Can I do this or not?” 

“Make the promise,” you order him, stone-faced. 

Eddie chortles. 

Little Henderson growls. Poor dude’s probably embarrassed. That, as far as Eddie has ever deciphered, is what older siblings are for. 

“I promise I will not tell our mother you are aiding and abetting my illegal parking lot activities.”

Eddie laughs at that, too, just to be fair.

Dustin beams. 

Apparently the promise suffices because you drop the keys into his waiting hands. He takes off running before you can change your mind. 

“Come on, you guys!” he shouts wildly over his shoulder. 

As if on cue, Wheeler and Sinclair shoot out of the theater classroom and dash off down the hall in their friend’s wake. 

“Night Eddie!”

“Bye, Eddie!”  The hall falls quiet once all of their sneakers have stomped and squeaked away around the corner. 

“Sorry if I interrupted you early. Dustin is usually out front by now so I came to check…”

“Henderson… ” Eddie ignores the needless apology for more important information.

Is this a bad surprise? No, not particularly. 

But is he feeling deceived? Weirdly yes. 

“...yeah?” 

Reluctantly, Eddie shakes his head. 

“...dunno how I didn’t put that together…” 

Then again, he had skipped the first week of school. Had he ever even heard Ms Corski say your full name back when she was learning who was who in her class? …maybe. Hard to say. 

And, in his defense, he doesn’t really see it. Or…now that he knows the relation maybe there is something similar in your eyes…maybe? Or not. Whatever. He doesn’t fucking know. 

“Well…surprise,” you showcase a grin. “Again, sorry if I broke this up early,” you nod toward where your brother and his pals had disappeared. 

“Nah – no worries. Just chatting” 

“Good, good…well, I’m going to head out. I should probably be supervising this parking lot situation…” 

“Yeah, just hold up — let me grab my bag…”

Eddie darts back into the rehearsal room for his backpack so he can head out too. The custodians are pretty lenient about what time they have to get out of there, but there’s no reason to abuse the kindness.  “So you play chauffeur a lot, huh?” He recalls you’d mentioned taking a brother home from school. 

“Well, this one I volunteer for. Gives my mom a break and, I dunno…” you sigh and Eddie looks down to see you tipping your head side to side like you’re weighing your words. “I don’t want my mom to ask too many questions…”

Riiiiiight. 

“I get it,” he chuckles. “What kind of club does she think he’s in?”

Eddie now pictures Dustin sneaking his Hellfire T-shirt out of the house and changing once he’s safely in school. Or maybe he buttons it up under one of his shirts until they leave the house in the morning 

“Oh, no… no, she knows it’s for D&D,” you dismiss that. “Dusty and the boys have been playing for years.  She’s always known that…”

“Okay, I see where this is going…”

“The way they’re playing is more mature now, so…”

Yup. There it is. 

“Uh-huh. She’d flip if she saw him with me, right?” He nods. “Makes sense…” 

It’s certainly not appreciated, Mrs Henderson The Elder, but don’t accuse Eddie of being shocked. Never that.

“Not you,”  you insist with a wave of your hand to so casually swat down his perfectly legitimate guess. “Just… all of it.  The fact that it’s all upperclassman, the set up you’ve got going — which is a cool aesthetic, by the way; I definitely thought Dusty was exaggerating when he told me about it —“

“Thank you,” he finds himself offering you a bow of gratitude. 

“Mom would just … …well I dunno exactly what she would think, but she would ask questions. She worries a lot. I just don’t want her to ruin this for Dustin,” you scuff your feet a little at the tile, staring downward like you’ve said too much. 

Eddie doesn’t think it’s too much. He thinks it’s pretty kickass that you’re running interference for your brother. 

So he tells you so. 

“Ah,” you shrug. “He’s had a hard couple years. This is good for him… …so thanks,” your tone lilts like you’re realizing an opportunity. “You know, for welcoming him in. You and the guys have been, I dunno…like a soft place to land…”

And Eddie does not know what the fuck to do with that. Racks his brain for evidence of what to say, comes up skint, and so does what he does best. 

Tells the truth:

“…not sure I’ve ever been accused of being a good influence before. You sure you know who you’re talking to?” he laughs and is surprised when you don’t join him. 

“Well…are you selling him drugs?”

Christ. Talk about a 180!

“What? No!” 

“Then I don’t care about the rest of it,” you simply shrug. “I don’t buy what most of the other students say. Who do you think gave Dustin the green light on you?”

Eddie’s feet falter, and he snaps his gaze down to you as you shove through the first doors of the front vestibule. 

“What green light? …you’ve been talking about me?”

The look you give him is oddly …pitying? You stop before the second set of doors. Hand resting on the latch, but you’re not going anywhere yet. 

“Oh come on…Dustin is a dorky kid who hangs out with a couple other dorks, and during his second week of high school the oldest senior at Hawkins was telling him to pull up a seat for lunch?” you spell out for him. 

“Yeah, I remember – I was there.   And?”

Your eyes widen. 

“And he’s the kid who gets bullied …what makes you think he trusted you were being sincere?”

Huh. 

Okay. Sure. If you fucking put it like that. 

“So that dweeb went off and had me vetted?!” Eddie keeps up his flabbergasted veneer. 

“That’s dramatic of you …but basically,” you confirm. “Yeah.”

“….gotta say I’m not sure how I feel about that.”

Outcasts are supposed to stick together and shit. 

“Relax. You obviously passed,” you pat his arm in a way that is openly condescending before you grin and then push through the doors. 

Which…yeah. 

Now you’ve brought up a whole other point. 

“…mind if I ask why?” He continues to trail you outside.

“Because I didn’t have a reason to tell him to back off?  I told you I don’t care what people say or what people call you — you’re not like the jerks around here, and that counts for something. I mean,” you balk a little and shoot another awkward glance up at him. “I know I don’t actually know you, but I’ve known  about you for a couple years…you seem genuine. Ya know?” 

Does he fucking ever.

People just don’t usually make that sort of thing sound like a compliment when they talk to him, so most of his usual retorts taste useless.

“What?” Your tone starts to twist defensive when he stays quiet. “I’ve never seen  you pick on someone for being smaller. Or younger. Or, god forbid, not mainstream…”

Oh.

“Yeah. No. Course not…fuck—"

“Wow, would you get a load of this…” Eddie follows your gaze to see Little Henderson absolutely inching a little gray Cavalier up beside the sidewalk. 

“Damn…”

“It’s painful,” you nod along beside him. 

But Henderson looks mighty pleased with himself once he eases to a stop and shifts into Park. 

“And Mike thought I would hit something —hah!” he shouts out the window. 

“Was decent odds,” Wheeler shrugs as he climbs out of what was probably the slowest car ride of his life. 

“At that speed you wouldn’t have hurt anything,” Eddie assures him. 

You’re willing to laugh at your brother's expense, so Eddie makes a mental note that just because you trust him around your brother doesn’t mean you expect him to dote. Just as well. 

“Oh, screw all of you!”

“Lucas is gone?” your brother’s indignance seems ignored as you look around the lot.

“Yeah, he took off with his mom before we got in the car,” Wheeler supplies

“I made sure she didn’t see me!” Dustin adds with some pride. 

“Mkay…and Mike, do you have a ride?” 

It’s like you’ve gone full mama duck. There’s more confidence and command in your voice as you check on your brother’s little horde. Eddie watches the transition as he lights up a cigarette – it’s kind of precious.  

“My dad is coming. Mom doesn’t like to drive at night…” 

“Do you think they forgot?

“No, just running late. He did the same thing last week, but they’ll get used to the club,” he shrugs and takes a seat at the curb like this doesn’t bother him, which is an interesting insight into that family 

“Hop in. We’ll wait with you,” you welcome him. 

“That’s okay. Eddie waits til our rides are here…” 

Okay, damn, Wheeler. Rat him out, huh? Eddie would rather head out and let the Freshman wait with Big Sis Henderson, but that’s fucking rude to actually say out loud. 

“Yeah?” You swing your gaze to Eddie.

He shrugs and nods while he sucks in a drag 

“…you’re sure?”

Your grin suggests you know all too well that even the best 13 year olds can be a little much when they put their heart and soul into it. 

Eddie drops his head to the side.

“Thought you weren’t scared of me corrupting the youth,” he grins.

You give him the eye roll he well deserves and then focus your attention back to Mikey. 

“Go ahead and tell your parents I’ll bring you home from now on if they’re cool with it…I’ll be here anyway…”

“Really?” He straightens. “Thanks.” 

Yeah, Eddie gets the appeal of a reliable ride. Of not always being the last one waiting. He feels an unexpected swell of appreciation toward you for caring about these particular little misfits. 

Or–

“Little bro’s friends have little crushes,” Eddie leans down to mutter in your ear.

He receives an elbow in the ribs, and he’s big enough to admit he should’ve anticipated and dodged it.  You also take a swipe for his cigarette, but he manages to rebuff that attempt.

“Hooooo! Better luck next time…”

“Is this flirting?!” Dustin shouts through the open car window. 

“No,” Eddie and you freeze and call back to him in unison. 

“ … it seems like it.”

Fucking punk. 

“Tell you what – when I flirt, you’ll know. How about that?” Eddie smarms because, no, he won’t be schooled on interactions with girls by a ninth grader.

Not even an almost-awesome one.

“Ugh! Gross,” Henderson flings his head back in protest 

“Idiot…” 

You’re blushing; Eddie can see it in the dim night light. Even if he couldn’t, the way you’re stretching your shoulders and straightening the hem of your shirt is screaming of your discomfort.  You really are funny sometimes. 

“What was that?” Dustin hollers over to you. 

“Nothing,” you smile innocently. 

He looks dubious but gives up the topic. 

“Alright, well – you’re sure you’re good?” you look between Eddie and Mike as you edge towards the car. 

“Mmhmm,” Eddie nods around his smoke. 

“Yeah, no worries…thank you though,” Mike rushes. “See you.” 

“Later, Mike…bye Eddie” 

He waves with his free fingers and watches you head around the car. Dustin rolls the windows up once you’re inside and visibly launches into… something. Either he is giving you shit or unloading the play-by-play he’d promised of the night’s game. 

“So... ” Eddie saunters over and squats down to take up the curb space next to Wheeler. “Crushing on your friend’s sister, huh?” 

“What! No!” 

The shock and betrayal on his face is worth bringing the question up at all. Wheeler’s gone ramrod straight, face slack, and eyes wide. 

“Whaaat?” he mimics Mike. “Nooo!” 

“I have a girlfriend,” he insists. 

Yeah, yeah, Eddie has heard about the friends they miss out in California. 

“So? Doesn’t mean you can’t think your friend’s sister is cute …it’s fine, man. Classic story.” 

Wheeler huffs but gives up on the denial portion of the evening. 

“Whatever…” 

“Whatever,” Eddie mimics him again. 

“It’s not like Dustin didn’t have a crush on my sister for, like,  ever …” 

Eddie throws his head back in a laugh. 

“See? What did I say – classic … …you’ve known her a long time, then, huh?” 

“Since elementary,” Mike shrugs a shoulder. 

“...and she really is cool with all of this?” he waves at them and Mike’s bag that’s sitting between his feet with his character notebook. 

“Huh? Oh! Yeah,” he gets enthusiastic again. “I mean, she’s not, like,  into  it – she doesn’t play. But she thinks it’s neat.” 

“Neat?” 

Not really a compliment. 

“Or. No. Like, she’s glad we have something we’re into – she doesn’t think it’s weird or anything, is what I mean,” he explains in a hurry. “She isn’t going to try to yank Dustin out or disrupt us or something. You don’t have to worry about her, that’s all.” 

“M’kay, yeah I kinda got that… …” Eddie takes another long drag. “Just checking…” 

“Yeah. Yeah. She’s totally cool…” 

“Totally cool, huh?” Eddie smirks. 

“Dude, stop – not what I meant. I have–” 

“A girlfriend. Alright…I heard you…” he tilts his head back to gaze up at the darkening sky.

There’s hardly a cloud up there. It’s going to be a nice night.  Sometimes on nights like this he likes to grab a joint, sprawl out on the picnic table near the trailer, and take in the sky while he thinks about life after graduation.  His Post-Hawkin’s timeline is finally coming up, and he has high fucking hopes…

Mike shifts beside him, distracting him. 

Because he’ll have to wait on all of that. 

“Sorry my dad’s late…” 

“S’fine,” Eddie shrugs. “Been there, done that…” 

“Yeah?” 

“Mmhmm…my old man forgot where I was all the time…” 

“But I thought you lived with your Uncle,” Wheeler frowns with all of the tact of someone his age. 

“Uh-huh,” Eddie finishes off his smoke and grinds it under his heel. “He’s always been better at keeping up with me…” 

Uncle Wayne gets him.  And he has perfected the art of not trying to hold the reins too tightly but also not actually just letting go. Even now, at 20, they have an easy understanding. 

Wheeler’s gone quiet. Likely trying to puzzle this out. He’s probably never given a thought to Eddie’s living arrangement, like he’d just been born and magically appeared in his Uncle’s custody.  Little suburbanite that he is. 

But it’s just as well. 

Eddie puts his passions out on his sleeve, but there’s some things he doesn’t care for everyone to understand about him. 

“Oh,” Mike finally says, perhaps realizing he’d been quiet too long. 

Eddie just smirks.  It’s another half hour before a car pulls into the lot and Mike stands up.  Long enough that Eddie had been weighing the pros and cons of just giving Mike a ride – the pro being getting home sooner and the con being accused of kidnapping a minor if his parents showed up.

Needless to say, the cons won.

“Thanks, Eddie…for waiting and, ya know, for a fun game tonight…” 

“Course, Wheeler – same time next week” 

“Same time next week” 

 .

 So, at the same time each week, you form your routine for Dustin and Mike’s pick up.  The two boys hang around a little after their games to talk more with their new friends, and you wander in to shepherd them one before they can make pests of themselves. 

Not that the last part seems to be much of a problem – their more passionate tendencies that would get them teased elsewhere are really bonding them to this group – but the thing is they’d probably find a way to stay for an hour if you let them.  “You can come in, you know…” 

You tilt your head up from your seat in the hallway to see Eddie leaning through the doorway, his ringed hand gripping the jamb and his neck tilted out. 

“... …I don’t need a secret password or something?” 

His eyes crinkle in the corners. 

“No… …not a bad idea though,” he considers. 

“Well, I’m good …I’m not interrupting,” you raise innocent hands. 

You know you’re early. 

“Nah, s’okay – they’re having a little strategy session,” Eddie nods back over his shoulder. “I just saw your feet over here… …thought maybe the time had gotten away from me…” 

You know he isn’t complaining about your feet distracting him, but you fold up your legs under you instead of leaving them stretched out in front of you. 

“Nope, I’m just early…” 

“...I see that. You’re early and sitting on the floor…” 

You shrug, unsure what he’s getting at. You’re allowed to be here and you aren’t hurting anything. You suppose maybe he’s just reiterating how you can come in and have a chair like a normal person, but you don’t want to interrupt Dustin’s time. 

“Whattcha workin’ on?” Eddie has taken advantage of your quiet and realized just what you’re doing out here. 

Now he is shuffling a bit further out the door so he can squat and take a look. 

“Maybe you are a spy….” 

You swat his knee because he doesn’t seem to mind that sort of thing. 

“So I’m selling state’s secrets now?” 

“Looks like it …what gives?” 

You have a plain old notebook open on your knee with sentence fragments jotted here and there and a few loose sketches. 

“...just learning some things.”

“Aw, does She-Henderson want to join the party?” He sing-songs at you. 

Uh. 

“...She-Henderson?” 

“You no like?” 

“Not really …and no I’m  not lobbying to join,” you insist, which …could probably come-off rude? 

You could’ve played it cooler.  More power to these guys for their game, but if there’s anything you’ve learned from your brother it’s that D&D is imagination  out loud. That isn’t your style. You like to create and experiment and problem solve in your head and express it more quietly. 

You suppose that is explainable if Eddie proves to be deeply offended. 

“You sure about that?” 

“Very… I’m just working on something for Dustin,” you flip back through a couple pages you’ve filled with bits and bobs. “He wanted me to make a drawing of his character, so I think it’s going to turn into a Christmas gift…he told me all about his dwarf, but it’s not exactly easy.  I mean, I’ve read The Hobbit and all...” 

“Hold on, you’ve read Tolkein?” 

“Yeah”

“...yeah,” his tone is soft but, you think, a little mocking. 

“What? It was fun,” you shrug. “And Dustin talked about basically nonstop after her read it; there’s no missing it at our house.  So,  yeah,” you shrug. “Anyway. I thought I’d listen in,” you nod toward the classroom. “Get more of a feel for the game. Pick up on some things…”

Some of the things you’ve jotted down are just descriptors that leant you a sense of the vibe of the campaign. You’ve also heard about some items. For instance, you tap your fingers over where you’d scribbled “ Bag of Holding?” and doodled a rugged little backpack. 

“Oh. That should be more of a…what do you call it,” Eddie gestures across his chest. “Like a satchel.” 

You nod and make a little asterisk so you can scribble “cross body bag”  with a little arrow so you remember.  

“Thanks…” 

“Mmhmm,” he shifts when you both hear some sneaker squeaks. “What Henderson?” 

You flip your notebook closed.  

“We’re ready for th– ugh! What’re you doing here!?” Dustin’s shoulder’s droop when he sees you. 

“Well. Hello to you, too…” 

“Go away,” he whispers. 

“Don’t worry, man, I already threatened her and convinced her not to make you and Wheeler leave early,” Eddie smirks up at him, then twists to throw you a wink. 

“What ?! Why should I? I’m always here until –” 

“Dustin–”

“No, this is the arrange–”

“Dustin! – you’re fine,” you shout over his firery inclination to be right. “I’m just waiting around.  Go do your thing.”

His eyes narrowed, he glances between you and Eddie.  Eddie looks very amused with his own jokes, but you feel yourself flushing. Dustin really better not let his imagination run away with this.  He’d been pretty fired up that first night you’d come inside to find him:

“Tell me you’re not flirting with Eddie,” he’d insisted as soon as the windows were up in the car and you’d pulled away. 

“I wasn’t flirting with Eddie”

“Look me in the eye and say it again!” 

“I’m driving, Dustin.” 

“Spell it out for me!” he beat his hands against the glove box. “Promise me you aren’t flirting with one of the only cool seniors at Hawkins…” 

You laughed at that. 

“You worry too much” 

“Ugh! Jesus Christ…” 

Once you were home you had, in fact, looked him in the eye and promised you weren’t flirting with his new friend.  He had seemed pacified – at least mildly – and hadn’t made a fuss over you continuing to come fetch him, but now? 

Who knows. 

It doesn’t take much to get him on a roll some days. 

“Alright, alright, take a joke, dude,” Eddie stretches back up to his full height. “Let’s go…” 

He claps your brother on the back and heads in. 

���...I’m not leaving,” Dustin lingers to hiss. 

“Who asked you to?” you whisper right back. 

He pointed two of his fingers at his face and then at you in classic “I’m watching you” fashion.  As if you’ve ever found your brother intimidating. 

To make sure he knows it, you make little shooing motions with your hands. 

He groans as he stomps off. 

Yeah, yeah.  You can tell when the game has truly wrapped up, so you pack up your notebook of new information and sling your purse over your shoulder.  You fish the car keys out because you already know what Dustin will want when he shows his face again. 

“Keys? I won’t tell mom,” is now his go-to greeting. 

You toss the keys over and the boys take off because Dustin very much wants to practice without you. 

“She-Henderson!  You still out there?” Eddie’s voice calls from inside the classroom. 

You step in and see the older guys packing up still.  Eddie is at the head of the table closing some folders. He looks up and nods when he spots you. 

“...not sure I should be answering to that name.”

But you already have, so you suppose you get what you get if he takes that as encouragement. 

“C’mere,” he crooks a finger at you, choosing to ignore your statement altogether. 

You get a better look at their clubroom than you’ve had yet. The lighting and ambiance is more clear up close –it’s quite the mood. 

Jeff and Gareth greet you by first name because they’re apparently the more polite of the group. Jeff had actually been your lab partner in Chemistry all last semester, which had been another reason you’d had some insight into Hellfire not being a, uh, fiery ring of actual hell when Dustin wanted to join. 

“Everything alright?” 

“Uh-huh…here. Take this,” Eddie plucks a book out of his bag to hand over once you’ve walked the length of the table. 

You find yourself staring at a red, paperback players manual. Some of its pages are dog-eared and there’s a few papers shoved here and there like makeshift bookmarks. The binding is worn with what you assume is appreciation and frequent use. 

You take it carefully. 

“For your thing,” he nods at your purse. 

Your thing. 

Is he…being discreet for you? 

Or, on the other hand, this could just as easily be the very opposite. Carelessness regarding the project. But…it wasn’t as though you’d asked him to be quiet. 

“Oh, well…Dustin has one of these,” you know you’ve seen one before. “I can swipe it when he’s distracted. Off talking to Susie or something…” 

“Wait! Susie is real?!” Gareth interrupts. “The girl from Utah.” 

“Mmhmm,” you consider mentioning their mutual love of The Never Ending Story, but you love Dustin too much and Susie seems too sweet. “I’ve talked to her.” 

Dustin had to drag you on a hot walk up a stupid hill to make it happen the first time, but even so. They now manage to talk over the phone sometimes, and you prefer to say hello to her on those occasions.

“Damn. Guess I’ll let that joke go then… …no offense.”

“Ah, none taken.”

An out-of-state girlfriend definitely sounds like the punchline in a movie, especially at Dustin’s age. You’re surprised it’s lasted this long, quite frankly …not that Dustin has a plethora of other prospects lining up. In any case, she is quite real. 

“He’s just jealous because he’s single,” Jeff throws something at Gareth, only to have a pen flung back at him in retaliation. 

Eddie is quiet while he keeps packing up dice and extinguishing candles.  He doesn’t make a move to retrieve his book despite what you’d said, so you wait with it pressed between your palms. 

Once everyone is ready to go, Jeff and Gareth lead the way while still bickering about some girls whose names you don’t recognize. Matt had apparently slipped away at some point without your notice. You trail behind with Eddie and knock his elbow with your arm. 

“You don’t need to lend me yours,” you hold out his manual again.

“I can though. Then you don’t need to stress about your brother's, yeah?” he waves a hand around. “It doesn’t have pictures of everything, but there’s some and they should help … …”

“You’re sure?” 

“Yup. I have other versions, and we share ‘em at the table. It’s no big thing” 

Then why does it seem like one?

“Well thanks…” 

“Mmm, sure. It’s cool what you’re doing for him…” 

You’re…not sure what to say to that?  Naturally there’s some pride involved in the fact that Eddie approves of what you want to make for Dustin, but it also feels strange that he is somehow involved now. A part of it. 

You aren’t used to that. 

“What’re you doing tonight, Eddie?” Jeff interrupts before you have decided how you feel or what you want to say. 

He turns to wait for his answer and hip-checks the front door open. 

“Nothing,” Eddie shrugs. 

“We hang?!” Jeff proposes and smacks Gareth’s arm to include him as they tromp out the second set of doors 

“Sure. We hang.”

“Your place?” 

“Always,” Eddie nods. 

“Gare?”

“I’m in,” his answer sounds dull but comes quick. 

You think maybe Jeff had won their little spat. 

“How bout you?” 

Jeff’s eyes land on you, and you blink in surprise.  You feel your face heat because you assume someone’s going to raise a protest. 

…but then no one does. 

“Oh, no that’s okay. I won’t intrude…” 

“Nah,” Jeff waves that away. 

“Yeah you’re good,” Eddie promises from beside you. “You’re welcome.” 

That’s nearly unanimous. Gareth is quiet but he doesn’t look upset about it when you look around the group. 

“We just hang and shoot the shit …usually end up watching a movie…” Jeff explains. 

“Sometimes a beer or two somehow shows up,” Eddie adds, waving his hands as if to mime a magic trick. “But it’s nothing.” 

That all sounds casual and perfectly normal. And you appreciate the inclusion, only…you really hadn’t expected anything tonight.  

So this feels oddly overwhelming. 

It shouldn’t. 

But you’re torn. 

“Next time, count me in,” you decide 

You can mentally prepare for that. Think about whether you  really want to go. 

Plus…a filthy little corner of your brain tells you that this gives them time to decide if they even want there to be a next time.  You’ve really only been invited now because you’re just, well, there. 

“You sure?” Eddie’s voice has you glancing up his way and he’s watching you carefully. 

“Mmhmm” 

“…you good?”

Shit. 

“Yeah…”

You glance away from his searching eyes toward the car where the boys are watching — Dustin with his eyes narrowed from the passenger seat. So that’s probably going to be a whole thing, too. 

Awesome. 

“Oh…we don’t leave them out on purpose,” Eddie lobs a guess into the situation. “Sometimes it’s just …”

“Oh,” you cut a hand through the air. “Don’t. I get it …I live with him.” 

“I’m so glad I’ll be out of here before my sister’s in high school,” Gareth scoffs. 

“We would hang with them —“

“We do hang with them, dude”

“I just mean if we were going somewhere and not planning to have a drink or …whatever,” Jeff clarifies to Eddie. 

“Guys, I get it,” you chuckle now. “You like them but they’re young — welcome to my life. Just…I’ll figure something out for next time.” 

You remind them you’d be interested in different circumstances, partially to mute that self-loathing voice in your head and also to help reassure them since there seems to be a consensus they’ve gone about this wrong.  You exchange farewells while the other seniors troop off, and you join Dustin and Mike in the car. 

“Why are you encroaching on my friends?” Dustin starts in before you’ve even shifted into Drive. 

“Dustin, come on” 

“What? I don’t do that with your friends” 

Not true. He’d absolutely found all sorts of extra reasons to stop by your room back when Lindsey had first gotten boobs. He had known the meaning of “subtle” even less back then. 

“You want to go there?” You raise both eyebrows at him briefly. 

Mike laughs. 

Dustin glares deeper. 

“Dusty …I’m not encroaching on your friends —whatever that even means,” you sigh. “But they’re in my grade and in my classes. We kind of know each other, that’s all.”

“Whatever” 

“You should be glad I do — remember when you had questions about them?” 

“I guess….”

“Yeah, at least she’s cool. Nancy doesn’t know anything about them and probably wouldn’t talk to them,” Mike complains. 

“Cool? Yeah right”

“Hey!” 

“We’ll maybe she’s not cool cool“

“Right here guys! Hello!”

“—but in the same way we aren’t. I mean it’s cool of her that she likes these guys,” Mike explains himself. 

Well you can accept that as a compliment — you understand what he’s getting at. 

“…she’s embarrassing.” 

“Oh! Then I could send mom in to fetch you from now on…”

“No!” Dustin straightens. “No, she  will embarrass me. Please don’t. I’m sorry. You’re the best. You’re doing me a huge favor.” 

My, my how his tone has changed!

“Us.  You’re doing  us  a favor,” Mike leans in from the back. “Thank you.” 

“Yeah — thanks”

You grin. 

“Make sure you boys remember that next time then”

___________

Next Chapter

#stranger things fanfic #eddie munson slow burn #Eddie Munson x Reader #slow burn #Eddie Munson fanfic

[iwonderwh0]

I'll just store all that posts in one so they wouldn't be taking that much space

Below is just live reaction of me watching the movie

Ghost in Shell (2017)

Watching Ghost in Shell (2017) for the first time and there's my favourite thing of characters speaking different languages within the same dialogue AHHH I'm happy to see it

It's only like a few minutes in but HOLY SHIT

How do people even write scripts for action movies? Like, every time I'm watching one, it seems like the viewer doesn't actually have to understand what's going on and why or who are those people – also doesn't really matter. What matters is that it should look like a lot of action. Guns, fights, all this jazz

Am I just stupid or is this really the thing of action movies? Like I almost never have a clue about what's even going on, why and and get lost in the amount of active characters. Is this by design?

It's like those movies are stimboards or something, eye candy meant to be perceived merely as vibes and pretty picture. Everything else is completely secondary.

At this point I'm starting to think the creative process is just writing down ideas for the visuals and then just figuring out the plot that'd be just enough to create an illusion that any of the happening makes sense

And I mean it looks STUNNING

But I don't understand shit, scenes are just flowing one into another, like a dream

CONJOINED MINDS HELL YES

fuck this movie has so many things i love but it's such a huge mess none of it gets enough time to be properly explored

This movie would have been so (much more) amazing if it was given more time, maybe a couple of episodes not to feel this rushed, to have time to grow symathy for the characters, at least to the point of getting to know their names (1:03:40 into the movie, still only know the name of the main character) it's just too fucking much, there's no time to process what's happening, foreshadowing is so short-noticed

Her repeating her name and consenting throughout the whole movie, just to one time eventually hear "We never needed your consent"

Okay, this does makes me emotional fuckkk

I love this movie

I did NOT expect to be tearing up

It was fucking chilling, I wish I could have watched it on a big screen when it came out

I'll definitely watch it again, holy shit

I'm not a fan of thrillers filled with shootings and explosions, but I'm such a sucker for transhumanism it doesn't even matter

#ghost in shell 2017 #movies about androids #not really androids but rather cyborgs but this tag still kinda fits

[erebidaean]

I'm starting to get into art again after years of starting, feeling too ashamed of my mediocrity, and quitting again. I refused to really ever identify myself as an artist, I was just artsy. I was an appreciator.

I've been doing a lot of reflection on it and there's something I really want to remember if I do take off with my art this time:

The way I talk about my progression in art does matter, especially in front of other people.

I think a big reason why I kept giving up and cursing my creative urges running into my undeveloped skill was that I've always been surrounded by artists that I look up to... And hearing them constantly talk about how their art doesn't look good enough to them.

Constantly pointing out mistakes or inaccuracies in your art and fixating on that with a negative tone does hurt your self esteem. It also affects the confidence of someone who is not as far along in building their craft as you are.

I understand the urge completely, but if we're going to talk about wanting to get away from the over commidification of our creativity and recreation in our culture we also have to confront our relationship with failure and struggle.

I don't want to talk too long on this because it's just stream of consciousness, but if I can challenge anyone reading this who practices negative self talk with their creative pursuits, or really any facet of their lives consider this:

Your frustration is okay. Your fear of rejection or ridicule is okay. It's a good thing that we seek connection, recognition, and acceptance from our peers, but we so often don't learn how to healthily handle these feelings in a way that serves our spirits in those exact ways.

Art is liberating because it allows us to connect to ourselves, to recognize ourselves, to understand ourselves, and with it we can accept ourselves.

"God my lines are so shit in this one" -> "oh wow that one kinda looks silly here lol, but it's cute and I think I can probably look at some other refs and get advice from other friend's processes to work it out next time. Can I get a hell yeah for the eyes though?"

Do y'all see what I'm getting at?? Mistakes can be so exciting! They can be fucking fun! Think of how lucky we can feel when we notice the specifics of our mistakes, because now we have a new toy to play with! My lines are weird! I get to spend time really looking at the world and taking in how lines work! I exist! I have form!! I get to share with other things that also have form and I'm not really alone because I share weird lines with so many things in this world, like bro.

I don't care what kind of art you do, if you're creating you are entrenching yourself so richly in your life because you have to acknowledge the world around you. Idk about y'all, but colors are so much richer to me now, lines and shapes are so distinct, I'm looking up and I feel like I'm actually in the world rather than just looking at it through a glass pane. I fought so hard for this and nearly died for this feeling, and here I am, and here you are reading this, and I'm so fucking grateful

#art #spirituality #personal #ramblings #vent #if you can't tell I'm #actually autistic #and I'm just happy to be here today

[golbrocklovely]

since i was asked so nicely by a lovely anon...

here’s the first half of colby’s tweets from 2020.

i don’t have proof that these are his tweets, but believe me, they are his.

if it’s bold and italicized, it’s someone’s tweet to him.

if it’s in (), that’s just me commenting lol

added bonus: if they have a * next to them, that means it’s been deleted

~~~~~~~~~~~

Jan. 1 - being stuck in an elevator with 15 of your friends is the best way to start 2020

i kissed my hand this new years

ladies and gentlemen we are floating in space

Jan. 2 - thank you all i love you all

Jan. 7 - weird to think that about a year ago i was sitting in a cell in FL.. time flies

Jan. 11 - lmao i love you guys you get me

Jan. 13 - only fools rush in

Jan. 15 - you took the sun with you when you left -RK

the back of my mind has a constant itch for you

Jan. 16 - happy jail anniversary @/SamGolbach thanks for bailing me out

Jan. 19 - i promise you i’ll never act my age

Jan. 20 - real talk. should sam and i go on tour 2020?

(this makes really sad…)

Jan. 23 - there was an old man who kept coming to the 13th floor around 3am where our room was last night. i don’t like miami anymore i’m headed to orlando

Jan. 31 - looking for that deep connection with someone i'm tired of the superficial shit

Feb. 2 - IM DRUNK AT 3PM LETS GOOO CHIEFSSS

Feb. 4 - my couch is like a bed i could stay here forever

@/BigNik: Nobody cares about my well being but that’s ok

Feb. 5 - you should rap about this real shit bro that would change a lot. turn this emotion into art. i hope you know even if i’m busy i’m always still down to talk as well brother

(i don't like big nik, but this was such a sweet interaction &lt;3)

out of curiosity , would YOU ever spend the night in Queen Marys room B340 if you could ..?

Feb. 6 - imagine if we could all go explore some crazy haunted place one day … together. 🤔 i wonder if that’s even possible

if anyone is taking high school Chemistry right now , i’m so sorry

Feb. 7 - sometimes i can’t take a joke and it’s so annoying

Feb. 8 - i really don’t like myself when i party too hard but i got the best friends in the whole world

@/badboywolfy: This is Saturday afternoon regret hours

you feel me

Feb. 10 - valentine’s day is coming up soon i think i’m gunna throw up

Feb. 12 - sometimes my mind can turn into my worst enemy

Feb. 13 - cant stop thinking about living in another big house with all my boys.. life is about to be insane

keep on fighting and i will too

Feb. 14 - to whoever left a basket of chocolates and teddy bears at my door .. i <3 u

Feb. 15 - I MISS DUBAI

Feb. 16 - shadow man is watching

Feb. 17 - my pupils make me look like i’m rolling balls CONSTANTLY

Feb. 18 - still trying to process the psychic saying i was an old soul estimated to have lived a past 21 lives .. shit messes with your head

Feb. 20 - meeting you guys never gets old

Feb. 24 - missing the nights alone on my balcony

Feb. 25 - express your creativity

(i always wonder why he tweets shit like this out of no where lol)

Feb. 27 - blue haired Colbys makin a comeback

Feb. 29 - i'm always feeling like i'm in a dream

March 3 - need to watch the sunset more

March 5 - i don’t wanna tell my story i’d rather hear yours

March 8 - if this is all we know then we might as well run with it

March 9 - who’s down to have some deep conversations i’m tired of small talk

March 11 - just had my first sleep paralysis dream .. never experienced something so terrifying

praying for the world right now

(and here we go into the pandemic stuff……… great)

March 12 - you can have the prettiest face but i still won’t f w you if the personality isn’t there

March 13 - knowing that we all know nothing

March 15 - i haven’t stocked up on food or hygiene essentials does that mean i’m going to die ? am i making the wrong move here ?

March 16 - if postmates stops delivering i’m actually fucked

random fan: Just sit on your balcony, the stars will feed you

the balcony is the answer to all my internal worries/suffering

March 17 - day 3 of no food in the quarantine, not sure how much longer i can go with just a few almonds to spare. everything is spinning slowly.. i’ve been seeing silhouettes in my room dancing gracefully on the walls, i think my mind is leaving me. would you guys be mad if i ate Sam?

March 18 - time moves on, memories never fade

March 20 - the worst thing is never the last thing

March 22 - i think the only person i can really make crack up is myself

March 24 - it’s times like this i wish i had a little dog by my side who i could call my bestest friend..

@/amberscholl: here u go (pic of george)

can i borrow him? just for a week..? .. or maybe two?

@/amberscholl: (gif saying 'you want it? come and get it')

see you tonight

March 26 - guys i’m trying to learn how to dance but it’s gunna take some time i’m too awkward

March 29 - my last night on the balcony

March 30 - where the emo girls at

(i remember this tweet causing so much chaos in the fandom. everyone claiming they were emo… absolute madness lol)

March 31 - what can i say? me and the boys got gluteus to the MAXimus

(i take it back. THAT PHOTO OF THE BOYS NAKED AND THEIR BARE ASSES?!?!?! died right then and there.)

#colby brock #cb tweets #personal #text