#this probably gives the wrong impression of the piece itself which does a lot of really interesting work critiquing modern queer literature

[steveyockey]

Once you start looking, you see queer presentism everywhere. It pops up when politicians espouse our “unprecedented” ability to love who we love, and when recent book bans are said to “roll back the clock” on LGBTQ+ rights, implying that clocks tick continually toward progress. It manifests in Oscar Wilde hagiography, which elevates him to the status of singular queer martyr and extrapolates an epochal paradigm from his 1895 trials. It seeps into our everyday speech, in our references to “forbidden love” and our use of the term “Victorian” to imply prudish homophobia. It both stems from and structures the editorial projects that publishers pursue, giving rise to catalogues like the NYRB Classics, where the oldest work tagged LGBTQ+ is Colette’s The Pure and the Impure (1932) — as if nothing queer was written before.

The truth is that there’s a world of queer writing that predates Colette, volumes of manuscript and books that aren’t so much products of historical suppression as they are suppressed by today’s “it’s gotten better” mindset. This is convenient for a culture industry in search of the sui generis and always eager to pat itself on the back for its own enlightenment. But the almost total neglect, outside the academy, of the queer literary archive is a shame, and not only because it propagates factual errors. In limiting our horizons for understanding how our predecessors lived, loved, and wrote, we end up narrowing our own vistas. When we apply the repressive hypothesis, we’re actually repressing ourselves.

Colton Valentine, “Against Queer Presentism​ | How the Book World Neglects the Archive,” The Drift, October 25, 2022.

#reading #this probably gives the wrong impression of the piece itself which does a lot of really interesting work critiquing modern queer literature #as failing to understand the historical existence of lgbt people BUT these two paragraphs seem like the easiest to isolate and I really like #the work they are doing!!!!! sorry Colton valentine I love the whole piece. maybe I’ll make another post

[stoopid-turtle]

made-up thoughts about dd's thoughts

Hi there! I warned y'all that I might post more and I've been watching SDC so I wanted to compile my massive load of DD thoughts. Apparently, I think about dd a lot.

I've struggle with how to organize these thoughts because they're so scattered and there are just a whole bunch of them. So I decided to center them around moments I think about a lot. Not necessarily fun dd moments, though some of them are fun. But just...moments that I feel tell me a lot about dd.

As a disclaimer, I'm making up a bunch of nonsense about dd as a person, but I don't actually know him and you shouldn't take anything I say seriously. I'm very likely to be wrong about most of it. In fact, if dd somehow managed to read this humble post, he would probably roll his eyes. And you know what? It would be an honor for him to have done so.

There'll be a few posts. There are three others in drafts right now, though I may combine two of them. We'll see. But I'm starting out with this one just because it was done first.

I'm at around ep 8 of SDC4, and I think the only way to watch subtitled versions of SDC5 are by downloading an app that Google won't let me download because of region restrictions (and then paying a subscription fee). Needless to say, I probably won't be able to watch SDC5 anytime soon. :(

(those episodes are sooooo looonnngggg)

There's an episode in SDC4 when the captains have picked 4 leaders to start off their teams. They put together a rehearsal battle to show the other contestants the captain's style and help make decisions during the next recruitment segment.

DD picks 4 top dancers as his leaders. These are fantastic dancers, specifically battle dancers. And they do horribly in the rehearsal battle because they're not used to dancing routine, there are no choreographers so while their performance was highly technical, it wasn't really entertaining or meaningful, and the team itself just didn't cohere because these are all people who specialize in battling alone.

DD has a little meltdown while his team loses, and it's kinda uncomfortable to watch. He says in a debrief with his team afterward that he's one of those people that likes winning (which, yeah, duh, DD).

I think a lot about DD's initial strategy. It seems straightforward. Get the best dancers. Have the best team. Work hard. Win.

DD's not a deep thinker. I don't mean he's stupid, because he's actually pretty smart and quick to pick up on things. But he just doesn't see the need to introspect or dwell on things. He strikes me as the type of person who might go through some difficult event and come out the other side wanting to just move on because, "It's in the past. Why bother thinking about it?"

(I think he is getting more introspective as he gets older, as evidenced with his performance of Like the Sunshine. I think that's typical as one ages though)

I'm also struck by the feedback he gives as a captain. He usually makes pretty detailed comments about the technical aspects of the dance, and sometimes, with the more thematic pieces, he'll just outline the story of it. He's pretty literal and straightforward in his thinking.

In any case, dd stands out among the captains for his emphasis on winning. The captains of the other teams cultivate a family atmosphere and often make an effort to emphasize having fun over winning (dd emphasizes fun...as long as his team is winning). The other captains will break down in tears when they have to eliminate dancers, and they'll give nothing but praise to the dancers.

DD is the prototypical "not here to make friends" competitor (though he does actually make friends). One of the most common comments dd gets from dancers or judges is that he works really hard and is a perfectionist with his technical performance. (As a fangirl, I love hearing other people remark on how impressive dd is. I'm all like, "Damn right, that's my bb!"). Dd has high expectations of himself and of the dancers in his team, and he'll criticize the dancers if he feels they fell short.

It's not mean-spirited but it is blunt and is something that the other captains don't do. DD will point out mistakes and be outspoken when he's disappointed with a performance. He also doesn't cry when he has to eliminate someone. He obviously doesn't like doing it, and I do think his style of doing it quickly without the anxiety of drawing it out is kinder. But it also fits in with his decisive, direct way of doing things.

I think about this all in connection with the bts of gg saying he prefers men without makeup. DD gets incredibly defensive, misconstruing what gg's saying as a slight against idols. It's a funny bts, because gg's clearly trying to pay dd a compliment, but dd doesn't even realize this because he's so caught up in defensiveness.

But the defensiveness tells us that dd's felt belittled and looked down on for his idol background, I think especially in some of his hobbies and other activities. Professional dancing, motorcycling racing, skateboarding. His being an idol has made people not take him seriously (I think that's what happened at the beginning of SDC3 when dd got the fewest towels of all the captains from the start).

I think that can be frustrating because dd's initial interest as a teen boy was dancing. I don't know all the decision-making that went into him going off to get trained by Yuehua as an idol, but doing so ironically made it harder for him to get respect from the professional dancers that he admires.

That's why dd works so damn hard, often to the point of overwork. He's demanding of his team just as he's demanding of himself. This is a guy who puts himself into the hospital with how much he works (and then forgets about it afterward). He's wearing himself out in trying to prove himself, and I'm glad that he recently actually took a day off when he was sick. GG's a good influence.

This all takes us to another DD moment, one that is more fun to watch, and that is dd's whole thing with the waacker, Xiao Bao. During a battle, Xiao Bao touches the back of dd's head, and dd immediately stands up and grabs Xiao Bao, keeping a hold of him even as he tries to dance away. Then there's some minor waacking and, um, lip-licking from dd.

When asked at hotpot, dd explains that he was trying to get Xiao Bao to run out his time by keeping a hold of him so he couldn't dance. By touching him, Xiao Bao had challenged dd and dd responded according to street dance rules. DD seems confused by others' confusion because it's self-explanatory to him.

It is just...so very dd to be so single-minded about a thing that he doesn't even realize how incredibly gay it looked. Just, immensely fantastically gay. (I'll get back to this in another post, but I'm focusing elsewhere here)

Honestly, he's sometimes come across as being on the spectrum, though that may well be me overidentifying with some traits. But he has his special interests and while he may be generally quiet, he will start happily rambling if asked about motorbikes or legos or skateboarding (or if plopped down next to gg). He's incredibly fidgety and has a weird thing with stroking tassels.

I know people on the spectrum are more often associated with sensitivity to lights and noise, but there is variation in that. Some folks tend towards the opposite and end up being thrill-seekers.

Some of his mannerisms and social interactions ping me as spectrum-y. During the "JC's fake butt" bts conversation with the rest of the cast, gg characterizes dd as the type to bluntly go up to JC and ask him about the fake butt. He's probably not wrong.

In the bts, dd also has several moments of not being properly romantic by gg's standards or of being a little mean to gg and then apologizing later. This may be more of a young man thing than a spectrum thing, though. IME, guys that age are more prone to that sort of thoughtless behavior than guys who are older.

In any case, dd's reputation as aloof is surface-deep, as seen when he's comfortable with people. He's able to joke and play around with others once he warms up to them. I know gg is often seen as uniquely able to soften dd up, and I do think dd is distinctly more affectionate/playful with gg. But it's a difference in degrees. DD also seems comfortable with the other DDU hosts, with his UNIQ brothers, sometimes with the other SDC captains (though not as often), with certain dancers (like Bouboo and Yang Kai).

Heck, Yang Kai even lampshades this in SDC S4. The captains are recruiting their team members and they send gifts to the dancers to woo them. Even though Yang Kai is a definite joiner on dd's team, dd sends him a framed photo of the two of them from Yang Kai's win the previous season. He also gifts Yang Kai a charm for his newborn son. Yang Kai is touched and he comments that he wouldn't expect these gifts from dd because dd just doesn't express his emotions like this usually. (I wonder if dd had some help in choosing the gifts, because all his gifts are incredibly thoughtful in a very uncharacteristic way (sorry, dd))

So, yeah, I have so many thoughts about how dd shows him feelings. I'm not super-attached to the autism spectrum thing, so don't take it too seriously. Hell, don't take any of this seriously. I've never met the guy. I'm just wildly extrapolating from translated glimpses of him.

#yizhan #bjyx #thoughts about dd #don't tell me you don't think about dd this much #pls tell me you think about dd this much #i feel like a weirdo

[evolutionsvoid]

Though I strive to study and discuss the countless species in this world in a factual manner, often I must delve into the myths that surround them. It would seem like a pointless endeavor if my goal is to teach others the truth about these creatures, but I feel it would be a disservice to ignore these legends and misconceptions. These stories are what paint the people's perception when it comes to certain species, and it is what many strangers will run into when they ask locals for more details. While I have certainly spoken negatively about a lot of rumors and myths, I don't truly think they are all bad. It adds something to our understanding of these species and at times it even elevates them to something higher in our minds. My big issue is when these misconceptions are used to demonize species and excuse their extermination, so you can be sure I will be ranting about that whenever I come across it. In some cases, these stories lead to actual fact, as they often are just the half truths warped by time, hyperbole and a bit of alcohol. So by following some of the more outlandish beliefs, you can actually wind up stumbling across a very real trait or behavior that had just been exaggerated over time! Though there are some times that they are indeed completely full of rot, be it people making stuff up or just being extremely stupid (oooh, that is getting me thinking about that Two-Headed Troll debacle, calm it down). However, sometimes it isn't fully the story teller's fault, as certain species can be quite puzzling or deceptive. Just look at the hydra to see how a single creature can make it so hard to separate the fact from fiction. If you read legends and early accounts of hydra encounters, they will tell you that they are reptilian creatures that sport eight or more heads. Many claim that these are related to dragons, which supports the stories of these beasts spitting flames, poison and pretty much anything you want to make the tale extra exciting. Not to mention the most famous feature that these things grow their heads back instantly if chopped off, making two for every one lost! Well, thankfully some people decided not to fully accept these extravagant tales and actually bothered to do some real research about these beasts. It probably didn't take them long to realize that there were many things wrong about these stories!

First thing first, hydras are not reptiles. They have no scales and, more importantly, they have no bones. In truth, hydras are cephalopods, related to squids and octopi. Those eight or more "heads" they talk about are actually their tentacles. I will give some leeway for the story tellers of old on this misconception, because these tendrils work really hard to pass as actual heads. Their tips have three hooks that are arranged in a way that gives the impression of a beaked mouth. What adds to this idea is the fact that these "heads" have been seen "eating," so people think that is proof. Yes indeed, each tentacle is capable of swallowing food into its "beaked" mouth, and it does wind up in the stomach, eventually. The thing is, these limbs are not directly linked to the digestive system, and their "throat" is not a real one. What is happening here is a unique change in the design of the tentacles. While other cephalopods have a flattened, sucker covered part of their tentacles, the hydra takes this and actually folds it on itself. Think of it like it was a piece of paper, and you take the two ends and bring them together to make a tube. These tentacles have been flattened and rolled up so that the suckers are turned inward and are now contained within a passageway that runs from the tip to the base of the limb. If you ever get a close look at a hydra tentacle, you will actually see the seam that runs down it! This creates the fake throat that confuses onlookers, as you will see a head tear off a bit of meat and "swallow" it. What is actually happening is the meat is being transferred to this muscle tube, where it is then moved down by suckers and muscle contractions until it is popped out the base of the tentacle and right into the true mouth! The real mouth of the hydra is a beak in the center of all these serpentine heads, and that is where all the food goes when the heads start to eat. This mouth is also closer to where the true head lies, as getting a look at the side of the hydra will show you eyes! That is where the real brain of this creature lies, and its also why chopping off these snake-like "heads" doesn't kill this creature, it just makes it mad. Another reason why people mistake these limbs for snake heads is because these things seem to move and "think" more than any regular arm or leg. I have watched these creatures for quite some time, if I didn't know any better, I would swear each one of these things was alive and thinking as its own beast. The truth is, these limbs have an extensive amount of the nervous system running through them, with practically their own brain in each. With the incredible amount of sensors and feedback, they can feel their environment and react almost instantaneously. With a small brain within them, they don't even need to contact the main brain to figure out what to do, so much so that they still move and fight even after being chopped off! A severed tentacle will continue to hunt and "eat" food, unaware that its meals are just plopping out of its stump. With their own brains, they can move and coordinate to a terrifying degree, going from a flailing nest of snakes to a synchronized strike within seconds. To add to this is the fact that not all heads are the same. Certain pairs fulfill certain roles, which you can see if you look closely at their beaks and sizes. Often there are two "central" pairs, which have rather regular beaks and an average thickness to their length. These are your every kind of use limbs, the things that pretty much do all the normal work and aren't specialized for anything fancy. Look "above" them, and you will see a pair that is a bit thinner and has a defined hook to their beak. These are meant to snare prey, lashing out and snagging them like an angler would with a fishing line. The hooked beak digs in, holding long enough for the other arms to attack and get a good grip. Below the four center tentacles are a "bottom" pair which appear to be much meatier. They have a bulk to them and their beaks are much stronger. These are the grappling limbs, meant to pull in large prey and restrain them. They are the ones that do the heavy lifting, having more strength to their bite and attacks. Once they grab hold, the fight is over, as the prey is crushed in their coils and held so that every mouth, fake or real, can start chowing down.   

With such a setup, it is obvious that these are carnivores. They slither about in search of prey, using their stealthy coloration to get close enough to strike. Some may hide themselves and wait for food to walk by, while others actively stalk and attack when the moment is right. All they need is to get close enough to plant one hooked beak into the victim's hide, and then they can reel them in and finish them off. While hydras go after large and substantial prey, they have been known to pick off a couple small critters from time to time. When they are hiding, some squirrel or something may get too close. While this would not be a real meal for any big predator, the hydra can afford to slither out a single head to snap it up without blowing their cover. Essentially just deploy a tentacle to act like a snake, and gobble up some mice to keep the belly happy as they wait for something better. Once they down a big meal, they rip and tear into it, with the real mouth taking huge chunks out of the prey while the tentacles get at the harder to reach places. Left on their own, a hydra can pick a cow clean, those tentacles nipping off every scrap they can find. Some times, though, they may not have the stomach space to finish off a meal. However, leaving all those extra bits behind is such a waste, especially when you used all that energy to kill it in the first place. This is where the fake throats come in handy, as they can swallow as much meat as they can hold and keep it held within these sucker-lined tubes. This keeps the food close at hand, protected from scavengers and thieves, as well as allow them to travel without having to hang around and defend a corpse. When the hydra gets hungry, it can just empty these stores into its mouth bit by bit, as it bides its time for another big kill. While hydras are quite large and obvious to recognize, people don't see them as often as you think. This is because hydras live in burrows when they are not actively hunting. Their tentacles and clawed fins help them dig out a deep hole that they can back up into and hide from rough weather or predators. Since they have no bones and a very flexible body, they can squeeze into surprisingly tight spaces! Don't expect some big yawning cavern like a dragon's lair, think of just some odd humble hole in the dirt that you would suspect a badger made. These same burrows are where they keep their eggs during the breeding season, hiding them down below to keep them safe. Regardless of the time of the year, it is advised to keep a far distance from these burrows and not be poking around them (which you should honestly do for any large opening, regardless if you suspect a hydra or not). Get too close or anger it, and those tentacles will come shooting out and biting. If they are hungry and get a good hold, you are going right into that burrow to become supper. Yes, the hole might not be big enough for those with bones, but the hydra is strong enough to get around that issue. Good for them, very bad for you!

Now we get to the part where people ask about the whole "regrowing head" thing. One of the famous things about hydras is their incredible regeneration and many heads, right? Well, that is true! They do have incredible regeneration and can regrow their heads! The catch is: it isn't nearly as fast as you think. People think they just pop back in seconds, when it actually takes days. "Well that doesn't sound very incredible, Chlora" you may say. To that I say "chop off your own hand and tell me how long it takes to grow back" (oh please don't actually do it, especially human readers). We dryads can regrow our limbs, but we are talking weeks and months, so this level is much faster than us! And if the tentacle is cut a certain way, it may damage the regrowth process and cause it to regrow two heads instead of one! There is your "two heads for every one" thing! Yes, it isn't as dramatic and cool looking as the legends, but it is still quite impressive when you compare it to things in the real world! I think it is awfully neat, and you should too! As for the stories about spewing fire and poison, those cases are often referring to different species and not your usual common hydra. Not to mention the cases where people are just making crap up, so be wary of any story you hear. Outside of the fantastical tales, hydras are on the level of basilisks and manticores: lots of people know about them and they don't like them one bit. Hydras like meat, and any big prey animal will do, be it the cow or the cow farmer. Due to them attacking livestock or going after people in their territory, it is common for there to be a bounty out from them. With their many tentacles and squishy body, actually doing real damage to them is hard. Cutting off tentacles just robs them of weapons, it doesn't kill them. There have been a few stories where people chop off all eight heads and gloat over their victory, right up until the actual beaked mouth lunges forward and bites them in two. Injuring them only scares them off for a bit, as they slink away to heal their wounds. Give it a week and they will be back with a vengeance. That is the other issue, hydras are a lot smarter than you think. They can solve puzzles, figure out patterns and recognize the people they hate. Attempts to deter them or keep them out just challenges them, to the point where it almost encourages them. Their limbs can be quite dexterous and can locate any weakness or flaw. Lock your barn up tight, and it is practically guaranteed that a hydra will find the one hole you missed, and then will spend the whole night messily dragging your livestock through that one crack. Their intelligence has sparked a whole lot of interest in the research communities, with questions on how capable and sapient they are. There are too many studies and theories to list, but there is one problem to all of this. Hydras cause a whole of damage and death, which means the public doesn't like them very much. Good luck getting funding or interest when you are talking about studying a monster that ate someone's livelihood and a couple relatives too.   Chlora Myron Dryad Natural Historian

-------------------------------------------------------

“Hydra”

Bout time this mythical monster was added to all this! Probably took the obvious route, but it was the best I could come up with. Yes, it doesn't have the instant head regrowth ability, but there is no way to make that natural without magic. But there is certainly more fun to be had with this species, so look forward to that! This isn't the last you've seen of them!

#hydra #mythical creatures #cephalopod #squid #octopus #art #drawing #monster

[thatonemoviefan]

Elvis Ask Tag

Took me a day but I did it!

When and what was your first exposure to Elvis Presley? I was in grade school when some kid dressed up as Elvis and performed an Elvis song for the school talent show. He even threw his scarf to the teachers and they cheered and had a good time. And then overtime I learnt that he was this popular singer who died young, wore snazzy jumpsuits, and spoke with a deep southern accent. I didn’t really start learning more about him until the Elvis movie came out and I all of a sudden became interested in him.

And what was your first impression? I feel like I kinda turned my nose up at him cause it was “older music.” Then I actually listened to older music and I grew more of an appreciation for him.

Lace shirts or jumpsuits? From a costume design perspective, jumpsuits. From a perspective of which makes Austin or Elvis look more attractive? Lace shirts easily.

You can steal one of Elvis/Austin’s outfits, what’s it going to be? I feel like I could pull off that blue lace shirt he wears during the Blue Swede Shoes montage.

Y’a know, that one

C’mon, we know you’ve been watching/reading old interviews and random footage of the man, so what’s your favorite random Elvis quote? This isn’t so much random but it just confused and creeped me out. I know we all get mad at the Elvis/Priscilla age gap, but he really sent it home when you read Priscilla’s memoir. He refers to her as “little one” which as a resident short and young person, just creeps me out.

Did you find Austin Butler’s lips distracting despite them being in a movie about the King of plush upper lips? (Be honest now) Of fucking course I did. Who do y’all think I am?

What’s an aspect of Elvis’s character you wish people appreciated more? Honestly, his influence on music. He’s the king or rock and roll for a reason. As a fan of old school rock music, we probably would not have a lot of the rock sound as we know it without him. He did bring the sound of popular black music into the mainstream and that along with the way he moved and dressed on stage (makeup and flashy outfits) really influenced the genre. I could easily be wrong about this (please don’t come for me) but this is kinda how I see it.

You meet Col. Tom Parker for the first time, forewarned with the knowledge of what a scumbag he is, what do you do?: A. nothing, you’re a coward who doesn’t care about abused golden-hearted men B. you give the Colonel a stern telling off C. you encourage Elvis to leave him and break the contract E. you slap a legal document against that fat suit and declare “Mrs. Claus is bringing you a lawsuit” F. you waste no time with formalities, it’s a letter opener to the juggler for that piece of trash Either C or E(D?) I don’t think it warrants an explanation, it speaks for itself.

What was your favorite aspect/scene from the Elvis 2022 movie? Holy shit if I were to talk about that we’d be here all day but here’s the cliff notes. I love this film’s production design and overall feel. Whenever I put it on, I swear it melts my pain away. Almost as if I was on drugs. Favourite part is probably cliched but fuck it. It’s Trouble because of fucking course it is. He looks like Gerard Way and him thrusting combined with the songs updated instrumentation does soooo many things to me.

You can choose only one song or piece of media to convince someone to become an Elvis fan, what is it going to be? Does the 2022 movie count? If so, that. It worked for me and countless others so it should work for more countless others. If not, I’d make them listen to any live album he did. Probably the ‘68 Comeback album

How many children would you give Elvis Presley from your own -or theoretical- womb? (listen to the beast in ya, your feminism won’t serve you here) I’d probably want to stop after three but if the sex with him is good (which is probably is) I’d give him as many as he desires if it means making me feel good for an hour or so. Tmi sorry.

Where are you hanging out with EP, his bedroom with the teddy bears, Club Handy, his private jet or Graceland? Club Handy easily. I want him to dance with me, sue me.

What is the peak Elvis era? warning, this says an awful lot about you…50s Elvis is probably when he looked the most attractive but 70s Elvis has the better outfits

How long have you been an Austin Butler fan (be honest now, God is watching) I jumped on the bandwagon after I saw Elvis. I had no idea who this guy was before hand except for one iCarly episode and barely noticing him in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. And I swear to you I’m not making this up

What kind of Elvis chick are you? -a 1950’s prospective wife material that he’s already sampled, a 1960’s filmset fling or a Vegas torrid backstage affair? I fell like I want to be the film set fling but knowing me I’d be the wife material

Is Austin Butler an honorary southerner now? Answer options: A. hell no, California can keep his sweet cheeks. B. hell yes, he’s practically been possessed by the soul of the King of the South One of my roommates is from Texas and she made a joke about him being southern. I trust her judgment so I’ll go with a soft yes.

Pick your poison in the fan-fiction realm: angst, fluff, smut, fluffy smut, angsty fluff, angsty smut?…or is reading about Elvis Presley an acknowledged health hazard? All three. Give me all three. I LIVE FOR ALL THREE AND I DONT CARE WHAT THE RULES ARE

Spit or swallow for this man? (And if you don’t understand this question move right along) I’d want to swallow but I ain’t sure if I can handle it

Would Gladys approve of you? Take your above answer into consideration Imma go with a soft yes. I’d do my best to help her cook and clean and all that and express that I also care about Elvis. I feel like she’d eventually warm up to me.

Which of Elvis’s cars is your favourite? Easily the pink Cadillac. It’s just so pretty

What are your odds of beating him at karate? 0. I have no martial arts training, and I’m made up of noddle arms and fragile bones.

If you could meet Elvis and have enough composure to tell him something, what would it be? Somehow, this was all worth it. And my mom and I want to kiss you and will pay good money to do so lol.

What’s a hobby or pastime of yours you wish you could share with Elvis/Austin!Elvis i totally read this as Austin and Elvis. I’d love to sit in silence with Austin and read a book or write a poem. And probably house back riding with Elvis. I’ve always wanted to try it and apparently he and Priscilla had a horse ranch once

What’s the Elvis 2022 quote you’ve been mumbling to yourself ever since you heard it? Oof so many. Most of the time they circle through my brain. But the one that comes up often is “Security! Security BLAH BLAH BLAH.”

What are your top three go-to Elvis songs?

- Trouble

- Can’t Help Falling in Love

- If I Can Dream

Cliche but hey they’re great songs

If you could spare him one tragedy, what would it be? Idk how but if there was a way to spare him from his mother’s death, I’d pick that in a heartbeat. That’s really when things went downhill for him and no one deserves to suffer that kind of loss that young

Is there a modern artist that sorta scratches for you the itch that Elvis’ absence leaves? I gotta go with no. No one else has and will ever be like him. A lot of bands and artists I love were clearly influenced by him in their sound and movement and even their look. But no one will ever compare

How did you react at the end of the movie when In the Ghetto started to play A. I got up and fixed a snack because I have no soul, B. I left feeling alarmingly horny, C. I was impressed but didn’t realize how affected I was until days later when it was still with me D. I cried buckets they had to bring in a mop E. I may have appeared emotionless but in fact my soul was leaving my body and I don’t think it’s returned quite yet C and E. I began to feel more emotion on rewatches after listening to his music and learning more about him.

And here is what I will bless you with. The good ol’ crotch shot from Trouble

And now I must tag. Well first thanks @karamelcoveredolicity for tagging me. Love y’a

Feel free to join in on the fun @asrealasadonut @blurredcolour @tis-the-season-of-the-witch @fantuhsise @presleyonfilm @floralcyanide @venus-haze @troubleinapinksuit

If you’ve already been tagged or aren’t interested, sorry.

[lionheartslowstart]

The Loss of Myself

I saw something today, on TikTok of all places, about taking the time to mourn the part or parts of yourself that you've lost. An important sentiment on its own, but even more poignant for me in particular, the person who wrote this had suffered from a stroke, just like me. "I had to accept that part of my brain is dead. I will never be the same."

That is true. Part of my brain is dead. You can see the spot very clearly on the MRI. And while I always did know that on some level, I have never fully acknowledged or accepted it.

My balance has never been fantastic, because of my extremely flat feet. But since the stroke, my balance is basically zero, because the stroke happened in my cerebellum. Not only do I constantly bump into things and trip over nothing, but I struggle with certain aspects of pole dancing, one of my absolute favorite things to do. I get dizzy quickly, even when I take a non-drowsy diazepam, and I often have to take breaks when I work on spin pole specifically (as opposed to static pole). Maybe if I had started pole dancing younger, I wouldn't have these issues. Part of me hopes that the more I practice, the more I'll get used to the spinning, and my balance might even improve. But I somehow doubt it. I may never be able to advance to where I'd like to be, and the distance I can go as a pole dancer may be severely limited as a result. Of course, I'm not going to give up. I'm going to keep pushing myself and practice as much as I can, and just hope I surprise myself.

Perhaps even more devastating is my decrease in intelligence. You may ask, but how can you possibly know that? I'll tell you. Part of my autism assessment was an IQ test. The facility where I was evaluated just includes it for whatever reason. While I won't share the exact number, I will say that I tested in the 98th percentile. Definitely not anything to scoff at, and my mom was certainly impressed. But what if I told you that I took an IQ test ten years before that, and that I tested ABOVE the 99th percentile? Is it possible that my IQ simply decreased with age? Certainly. But a whole six points in ten years? That seems unlikely. I know IQ isn't the most reliable way to calculate intelligence, and of course there are many different kinds of intelligence. Besides, intelligence isn't the most important thing in the world anyway. But still. While I would never judge anyone based off of how "smart" they are (because, again, there are many different ways to be smart), I personally was always very proud of that part of myself. Especially because I spent my whole life being called stupid, vapid, empty-headed, slow, and a dumb-blonde by many of my peers, and even some teachers. Maybe it's wrong for me to be upset at 98%. Fine. But the bottom line is I dropped SIX IQ POINTS because of something completely out of my control, and I feel that I'm entitled to mourn that.

I also have significantly dropped in my ability to mask. Now, that probably has nothing to do with the stroke at all. More likely, that is due to autistic burnout, a barrage of trauma in quick succession, and then the diagnosis itself, which often does result in a decrease in masking ability. Is it possible the stroke contributed? Sure. All we know is I had it sometime before 2018. It's entirely possible I had it while I was in college, when my social and coping skills took a severe nose-dive. We can't know for sure. But whether the stroke contributed or not, it's still a piece of myself that I've lost. I don't fit in as easily anymore. I struggle to make new friends, and I often feel left out in social settings. ANY social setting really. I feel like I stand out a lot more, but in the worst possible way, because my autistic traits are more visible now. In many respects, it feels like I'm back in elementary school. Stuck there. And I have to accept that. At the very least, I now I have the self-awareness, maturity, and knowledge to be able to navigate it in a way that was just not possible for me as a child. While it is important to look at the positive, I also have to acknowledge this major piece of myself I've lost. Deep down, I'm actually a very social person. And I miss being able to blend in and connect with others so effortlessly. But I have to accept that I just...can't do that anymore.

I would say these are the main losses I am struggling with, though I'm certain I will discover more. I can't move forward with my life until I accept that the life I wanted, whether I was ever able to have it or not, is not possible. My brain literally has a scar where some of my brain cells died. I am literally, physically, not the same person I was before I had the stroke. I am also not the person I was before all of the trauma. That person doesn't exist anymore. This is who I am now. And I have to learn to not only accept, but love that person. I can't move forward until I fully mourn the person I was. They're gone.

#trauma #mental health #personal #autistic #autism #healing #recovery #mourning #moving foward

[makeste]

BnHA 323: “I Don’t Know How to Explain to You That You Should Care About Other People”

Previously on BnHA: Kacchan was all, “Izuku, I’m sorry.” Bakugou Stans were all, “[sobs for a week straight and tearfully awards him the Nobel Prize for character development].” Deku was all, “[faints in Kacchan’s arms].” Iida was all, “[trying to decide if Ochako genuinely tried to kill him a few minutes ago].” Horikoshi was all, “NO TIME FOR HUGS WE MUST GET BACK TO UA.” The civilians holed up at U.A. were all, “WE TOOK A VOTE AND DECIDED THAT WE’RE ALL GOING TO BE JERKS ABOUT THIS AND MAKE A BIG FUSS ABOUT YOU LETTING DEKU BACK INTO THE SCHOOL.” Deku was all “[stands there looking like he expected nothing less and breaking my heart more and more with each passing moment].” Ochako was all, “that does it, looks like I’m gonna have to do something about this... next chapter, that is.”

Today on BnHA: Flashback!Rat Principal is all “I just want you all to know that I spent nine million dollars turning U.A. into a giant Battleship-style grid that can burrow underground and zoom around in a giant subway maze because Horikoshi lacks a grounded understanding of both civil engineering and economics.” Back in the present day, Jeanist is all, “EVERYONE TAKE HEED, MY COMRADES AND I HAVE DEEMED IT EXPEDIENT TO CONVEY THIS AUSPICIOUS YOUTH BACK TO THIS STRONGHOLD. WE ANTICIPATE THAT WE MAY DEPEND UPON YOUR GOODWILL AND ACQUIESCENCE TO THESE TERMS.” The civilians were all, “NO.” Ochako was all, “EMPATHY, MOTHERFUCKERS, DO YOU SPEAK IT?!” The civilians were all, “oh shit.” Anyway so Ochako is a giant badass, but I’m a little worried that she’s going to get struck by lightning. Please come down from there.

so before we start this chapter, I would just like to apologize for having not posted the ch 321 recap yet, and would like to reassure everyone, and especially Iida who is staring at me with Sad Wobbly Guilt Trip Eyes, that I will get to that as soon as I can

OMG FLASHBACK??

yes please Horikoshi please show us more of class 1-A and their Deku intervention strategy jam sessions

oh dear

Iida you are too pure and good for this cruel world. [sprays the U.A. civilians with a water bottle] NO. BAD CIVILIANS! NO OSTRACIZING SCARED AND EXHAUSTED CHILDREN IN THE HOUSE

EXCUSE ME RAT PRINCIPAL WHAT’S WITH THESE MIXED MESSAGES

???

RAT PRINCIPAL: he’s free to return to us at any time!!

ALSO RAT PRINCIPAL: but it’s too risky for him to return to us

?? ??????? ?????????????????????

so now he’s going on about how strong the U.A. Barrier is, and how it’s comparable to the defensive capabilities of Tartarus. this would have sounded a lot more impressive before chapter 297 lol

OH!!!! HELLO, WHAT’S THIS!!!

A TIMELY CALLBACK TO A CERTAIN MYSTERIOUS EVENT WHICH HASN’T BEEN REFERENCED SINCE USJ? [U.A. TRAITOR MUSIC INTENSIFIES]

so now Rat Principal says he upgraded U.A.’s security systems with his own “modifications”, whatever the fuck that means. I mean look, I’ve been saying for a long time now that U.A. is the best place for everyone to hole up, don’t get me wrong. but that was mostly on account of there not being any other practical alternatives. but you’re making it sound like you figured out a way to actually make it Decay-proof or some wild shit like that

-- hold up, DID YOU ADD A FORCE FIELD. DID YOU TRICK THIS SCHOOL OUT WAKANDA-STYLE YOU CRAZY MARSUPIAL. HOLY SHIT. because that would actually be perfect

LMAO

WHAT KIND OF GALAXY BRAIN BULLSHIT. “NAH THERE’S NO NEED FOR A FORCE FIELD, LET’S JUST PUT WHEELS ON IT”

oh okay so the whole campus is basically capable of burrowing itself underground. that’s insane lol I wonder how they pulled that off. probably got poor Cementoss working overtime

blah blah blah so basically the entire campus is split into a grid and each section of the grid is capable of its own independent movement. lol this is just the Merone Base from KHR. you thought no one would notice this casual plagiarism ten years after the fact, but YOU UNDERESTIMATED YOUR AUDIENCE, HORIKOSHI

“joke’s on you imma just lampshade it” WELL ALL RIGHT THEN

“look at me I’m so fucking self-aware” fucking swear to god. I can’t believe this man is my favorite mangaka of all time smdh

“excuse me, I wasn’t finished describing all the rest of this bullshit yet,” Rat Principal breaks in impatiently. “we also added a steel wall all around the underground of the campus that’s 3000 steel plates thick. that’s fifteen fucking meters of solid fucking steel just fyi. and if anyone fucks around with any part of it the defense system will activate immediately! and also all of the plates are independently motorized, whatever the fuck that means!! in conclusion you’re gonna need a fucking tower crane to suspend all of your disbelief by the time I’m through with this paragraph”

“also Shiketsu is almost as reinforced as U.A. but not quite because we still had to make sure we were better.” but of course. and apparently the two schools are connected via a secret tunnel as Hagakure mentioned earlier

LSDKFJLSDKJFLK

“WAIT WHAT” LMAO YOU HEARD HIM, NOW INASA CAN VISIT YOU BOTH IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND TELL YOU ALL ABOUT THE WEIRD DREAM HE HAD. GOD BLESS YOU HORIKOSHI

(ETA: moment of appreciation for Shouto and Katsuki having the same thought at the same time and making Knowing Eye Contact and saying the exact same thing out loud in perfect unison like the best friends they are. what a blessed day.)

so Tokoyami is all “but wait if you engineered all this shit all the way back during the Band arc how did you even know that Tomura’s quirk awakening would become a thing, Horikoshi -- uh, I mean, Principal Nezu”

and Rat Principal is all “lol idk”

“basically I just woke up one morning and was all ‘say, you know what this school really needs? a fifteen-meter-thick underground steel wall, and the ability to break up into little pieces that individually zoom around wherever the fuck they want.’ jesus christ. lol if money and common sense were apparently no obstacle why didn’t you just teleport U.A. to the fucking moon or something. maybe I should shut up before I given him any ideas

dsfaelkjldkjgl

you heard it here first, folks, all of this cost a grand total of nine million U.S. dollars. well technically it cost “more than” nine million dollars. never has that distinction been more important lmao. are we sure this barrier was really made of steel and not cardboard? who the hell sold it to them, Ea-Nasir??

this is my favorite manga series of all time. yes I am ashamed

“in conclusion please do your best to reach Deku-kun” SO WHAT WAS ALL THAT NONSENSE ABOUT IT BEING TOO RISKY THEN. anyway thank you for this super informative and edifying flashback, Horikoshi. I will cherish it always. I don’t even want to read another translation of this absurdity lmao, there’s something special about it just the way it is. pretty sure Horikoshi just had a cracked out fever dream one night and transferred it to the pages of the manga verbatim

anyway so back to the unruly mob

not their finest moment. please excuse me while I cover poor Deku’s ears and give him a good shoosh pap

oh wow the parents are out here too

is Mitsuki trying to hold Inko back?? that’s the last thing this fandom needs right now is more Mitsuki discourse fffwlkjs. and even Jiroudad, scientifically proven to be the best dad in all of BnHA, is just standing there silently looking vaguely unhappy. way to rise to the moment you guys

MONOMA

so this settles it for me that Aizawa is not at UA. I know a lot of people have been wondering about his whereabouts, and if I had to wager a guess it would be that something happened with Shirakumo/Kurogiri. I can’t think of anything else -- even the loss of an eye and a limb -- that would keep him from his kids at a time like this

anyway but this is excellent Monoma content right here though. I love that he apparently adopted Eri after a single interaction with her. also WHERE IS SHINSOU DAMMIT. THE PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW

and Kouta’s there too looking like he wants to run over to Deku but Ragdoll won’t let him :/

it’s gotta be pretty upsetting for him to see his hero like this and not having anyone stand up for him. [taps megaphone] IS THIS THING ON. OKAY YEAH IT SEEMS TO BE WORKING. AHEM. PAGING URARAKA OCHAKO. GONNA NEED YOU TO GET OVER HERE ALREADY AND MAKE THAT BIG DRAMATIC SPEECH WHICH YOU ARE CLEARLY DYING TO MAKE. IF YOU DON’T DO IT SOON I’M GONNA HAVE TO STEP IN, AND YOU REALLY DON’T WANT ME TO DO THAT SINCE MY SPEECH WILL NOT BE VERY GOOD OR INSPIRING, AND WILL PROBABLY JUST CONSIST OF “HELLO, YOU ARE ALL STUPID, PLEASE SHUT UP AND GO AWAY”

so now Mic is telling them to calm down. at least someone’s speaking up here, geez

OH MY GOD

MY MAN JEANIST OUT HERE DOING WHAT HE DOES BEST: MAKING EVERYONE FEEL GUILTY AND JUDGED

OH MY GOD HE IS GIVING SUCH A LONG AND BORING SPEECH LMAO IS YOUR STRATEGY TO PUT THEM ALL TO SLEEP OR WHAT

truly in awe of this man’s ability to take messages which could easily be conveyed in ELI5-speak, and stubbornly convert them into incomprehensible language the likes of which you need a graduate degree in order to understand

“hey guys, so originally our plan was to use Deku as bait for the villains, but that didn’t really work and also we realized it was kinda dumb and was probably gonna get him killed, so we brought him back here instead.” was that really so hard, Jeanist. also are we all really just gonna sit back here and watch Jeanist take full credit for Bakugou’s plan just like that lmao

(ETA:

WHERE DID ENDEAVOR GO AND WHO IS THIS DIABOLICAL MASTER OF DISGUISE. lol I genuinely didn’t notice this because I was too busy digging through thesauruses trying to rewrite Jeanist’s speech; many thanks to @class1akids​ for pointing it out and making my day immeasurably better. take it easy there Dick Tracy.)

“anyway so please stop being dicks and let him fucking rest so he can save all your ungrateful asses” what an impassioned and inspiring plea. time to see if the masses will listen to reason

narrator: they did not listen to reason

oh my god finally Ochako is doing something. YEAH OCHAKO WOOOO SHOW THEM HOW IT’S DONE

hmm

this entire chapter is truly and utterly nonsensical to me lol

(ETA: on my second readthrough I’m fucking dying at how she stole the megaphone right out of Mic’s hand lmao. and how Kacchan is all “fuck yeah nothing I appreciate more than some quality fucking larceny.”)

oh I see she was jumping on top of the main building so as to scream down at them all more impressively

“ANYWAY DEKU IS PRETTY COOL ACTUALLY, YOU GUYS ARE JUST MEAN” couldn’t have said it better myself Ochako

lol uh

gotta say I did not have “Ochako reveals the secret of OFA to the entire U.A. Citizen Clown Parade” on my bingo card for this week. it’s a bold strategy cotton let’s see if it pays off

SDLFKJSL

“NO, SERIOUSLY, HAVE YOU LOOKED AT HIM YOU GUYS. YOU THINK HE LIKES RUNNING AROUND DRESSED LIKE A RUSTED OIL DRUM?? HE DID THAT FOR YOU YOU UNGRATEFUL SLOBS”

so she is basically explaining the entire Deku Angst arc to them and explaining what a good and selfless protagonist Deku is, YES, PREACH

OMG IT’S THE GIGANTIC FOX LADY

not to insinuate anything, but what exactly were you doing standing out here with the hysterical mob, Gigantic Fox Lady? you’re better than that

-- KACCHAN SIGHTING!!

sdlkfjl. thanks for weighing in with that helpful and important observation. where have you been for the last five minutes. were you asleep. was it Jeanist’s speech

never mind, now he’s yelling at the civilians so I instantly forgive him

THE FUTURE NUMBER ONE HERO, EVERYONE. THANK YOU, THANK YOU. HE’LL BE HERE ALL WEEK

“anyway so I’m just going to end the chapter here” lmao seventeen pages truly do go by so fast. at least he didn’t try to force in a cliffhanger at the end this time. dare I say, growth

so I guess the civilians are either gonna have a Kamino and/or Fukuoka-esque moment where they remember how to be decent people and apologize to this poor young man, or else they’ll remain unpersuaded, and so Kacchan will have to knock a few of their heads around until they become more inclined to be reasonable. either option is fine by me lol

#bnha 323 #uraraka ochako #rat principal #class 1-a #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha

[dreamescapeswriting]

Make Me Stay ~ Changbin [M] [Request]

WORD COUNT: 20.5K (As of this moment the longest imagine on my account….whoops)

GENRE: Non Idol Au, Mechanic Changbin, slow burn(first time doing slow burn fics) Smut, fluffy, SMUT, cute fluff lil angst, hapyy ending 

PAIRING: Mechanic Changbin x Fem!Reader

The sun from the sunset was beaming down through the windshield of your 1967 Volkswagen beetle causing you to squint as you continued driving down the old dirt road. The sun setting was always so bright and in your face, it made it hard to see anything going on around you. The sat nav on your phone had convinced you that this was the right way but it didn't seem like it at all. There were no buildings around for miles. Just trees, bushes and more trees, a serial killer's favourite place to be hiding out.

"Stupid thing," You mumbled as you pulled up towards a huge gate that looked like it lead onto the private property in front of you, you hissed punching in a new address into your phone. All you were trying to do was get into the city, you'd been doing a huge road trip alone, exploring Korean since you'd lived there most of your life and hadn't explored much. Many people told you not to be "stupid" that it could be dangerous all alone, not to mention lonely or boring but so far you'd enjoyed all of your time. You'd managed to do a lot of sightseeing on your way around the places you'd been, you'd gotten to do a lot of things you wouldn't normally do if you were with friends. The drive had given you space to think over things in your life, it gave you the time to think over everything that was waiting for you back at home...Which was a whole lot of nothing since you'd basically worked in a dead-end job for the last 6 years of your life in order to take this trip. Busan was the third to last place on your list to tick off and so far you hadn't even gotten into the town yet, you were right on the outskirts, the middle of nowhere surrounded by trees and a whole lot of nothing.

"Don't! Don't you dare!" You cried out as your car began to judder forward when you were driving down the back dirt roads, smoke coming from the back of it where the engine was. You wanted to scream out but you held it in thinking it was probably nothing, smoke normally meant that the old engine was just overheating itself. It was perfectly normal.

"No!" You whined out to yourself as you pulled into a small layby near some trees, praying to yourself it would just be the heat. There was nothing around you for miles thanks to the shoddy GPS system on your phone you would have thrown the thing out if it wasn't the only way you would get out of this situation.

Kicking the wheel of your car as you walked to the back of the car to check out what was wrong with the engine if it was the radiators you could fix the issue yourself. It did it occasionally, well more than occasionally, overheat. It would do it every day to the point where you had to carry around water in huge cartons just to make sure you could look after it. As soon as you opened the boot of the car you were met with smoke to the face and you groaned looking inside, you weren't a mechanic but you already knew it didn't look good. There was oil splotched all over the place and bubbling out of the oil dip, something looked as though it was snapped and there was a major stench coming from the engine yourself.

"So much for an easy fix." You mumbled slamming the boot shut and groaning at the thought of being stuck out in the middle of nowhere with nowhere to go. The private land was about four miles away and you knew there was nothing around you for miles in any direction,

"Piece of shit," You whispered as you looked at the small light blue beetle all of it beginning to rust with how old it was.

"I didn't mean it, baby," You whispered as though you had hurt the cars feelings. You put a small kiss on your fingers before placing it on the wing mirror, then you began scrolling through your phone you searching for your recovery number. Having no idea if they would have a branch out in the middle of nowhere or be able to find you out here. You were so far from any major towns, you hadn't seen a single signpost anywhere to give to them over the phone.

"Hi, I've broken down and I have the cover with your service. The only problem is I have no idea where I am..." You trailed off hoping that there was some way they could help you out even though you had no idea what to do yourself. There was some typing on the other end of the phone then a soft voice came through,

"Not a problem love, we can track your phone with our systems just give me one moment," The woman on the other side of the phone seemed pleasant enough to talk to, she hummed while she was typing on her computer.

"I can see you're location, unfortunately, we won't have an official truck out there but we can send someone from a nearby towing company." That was better than the thought of being stuck out forever so you agreed.

"That would be great," You whispered as you got into your car, wanting to stay as warm as you could since the air was starting to drop. It might have been the summer but the nights were always chilly,

"I'll send you the name of our drive and the licence plate as soon as I find out myself," You thanked her for all her work, giving her your insurance information and making sure she had everything she would need before hanging up.

"Hyunjin?" You questioned as a huge truck pulled up beside you on the road, it had been the first sign of anyone else since you ended the phone call. No one had driven down or up this road which made you wonder if the house you'd pulled up at was abandoned.

"That's me, you're-" The long-haired blonde man looked down at a clipboard as he got out of his white truck, much like your small blue Beetle it was starting to rust from how old it was. It must have been a family business, he didn't look any older than you did to be having a van that old.

"Y/n? Driving the 1967 Volkswagon?" He glanced up again and smiled at you, he wasn't at all what you had pictured when you got the text with his name. You always imagined tow drivers to be old and creepy looking but Hyunjin seemed genuinely nice, though you couldn't always judge a book by its cover.

"I haven't seen one of these in a while, what's wrong with it?" He looked impressed by the car so you smiled, taking him around to the boot to show him the engine. Opening it up and wincing at the sight as soon as you did so,

"I seem to have run into some engine troubles," You mumbled as he looked inside the boot and hissed, the sight was enough to make you cry. You knew for a fact it wasn't going to be cheap fixing all of this, not to mention you would now have to find a new place to stay since you hadn't exactly planned on staying in the town. Just passing through after doing some sightseeing.

"I'll take you to Changbin, he does repairs and he's the closest garage to here." You looked at him while nodding, slamming the boot shut and smiling to yourself as Hyunjin helped you up into his truck to wait while he got the car ready on the back of his van.

"Changbin!" You looked around as Hyunjin walked you down the gravelled pathway towards a rundown looking garage shouting out the name of the mechanic. If you hadn't seen the man working on a car in the back you would have thought the place was deserted, the building looked like it would fall apart and the slightest bit of wind change.

"Changin?!" Hyunjin cried out again as he tried to gain the attention of the man who was currently bent over a car and rapping along to some music that was playing. The man was wearing dark blue overalls that were tied around his waist but you hadn't seen his face yet.

"Wait here, I'll go and talk to him," Hyunjin told you as he rushed off over to the car, you hummed and glanced around taking in the sight of everything around you. There was a house beside the garage that looked to be in better shape, you assumed it was where this Changbin lived. Hyunjin had been telling you about him on the drive over, that they'd been close friends since school, how he and a few of their other friends had wanted to start a boy group together when they were kids. It was nice hearing what people dreamed about, back home no one ever discussed that sort of thing. They only cared about what job you wanted after school, dreaming wasn't allowed in the town you grew up in.

"You own the 1967 Beetle?" A voice questioned from behind you snapping you out of your small dream, you jumped up a little before nodding and turning to face whoever it was. From the overalls he was wearing you assumed he was the mechanic, Changbin, he smiled shyly at you and you grabbed the keys from your pocket. Changbin smiled at you but you couldn't help but take notice of what he was wearing, his overalls were tied around his waist, he had a white tank top covering his top half but it was covered in oil and sweat, it made him look incredibly hot. Shaking your head you snapped out of the daydream about him and gave him the keys to your car, Hyunjin had dropped it off at the top of the driveway for you not wanting to clog up Changbin's workspace.

"She's old, the family passed it down and I had her fixed up. The engine seems to have gone bye-bye on me...I think the timing belt snapped, I know for sure the oil has...bubbled over-" You stopped talking when you saw how Changbin was staring at you. His eyebrow was raised at the way you were talking about the car, when Hyunjin told him what was happening inside your engine he assumed you'd have no idea but you seemed to have a pretty good one to him.

"Most people don't know what's wrong when they bring it in," He chuckled softly truly impressed that you seemed to know what was wrong. That smile could have melted your whole heart if you stared at it long enough, it sent a warm feeling throughout your body just seeing him smile. You smiled back at him feeling the need to laugh a little as you both walked in the direction of your car falling into a comfortable silence as Changbin looked up at the vehicle.

"You weren't kidding when you said old," He laughed softly stepping over to the car and unlocking it. He ran his hands over the bonnet and smiled to himself, it had been so long since someone had brought anything decent for him to work on. He'd been surprised when Hyunjin mentioned the year and model,

"She's a classic," You mentioned looking at the expression on his face as he opened the doors to see all of the original interiors was still intact. Right down to the radio dials and cassette player that had been installed in the later models, it was a sight to see nowadays since many people would modify them.

"Holy fuck." He was truly stunned by how well it was still kept together, you didn't see it much now unless the person restoring the car was only doing it to sell it on or keep for a display piece.

"This is insane, I'll have to order the pieces in the fix it but you're welcome to stay in my house in the guest room until it's finished. It would be my pleasure to work on this car." He mentioned as he looked up at you, both of you heading towards the boot to take a look at the engine. Hyunjin had mentioned that Busan was a good two-hour drive if you wanted to get a hotel so you decided to take up Changbin's offer of a room. Hyunjin said he was a good guy and so far he seemed relatively normal and nice to you, who were you to say no to someone being good at hospitality.

"What happened?" He questioned when he took a look at the engine his face scrunching up as he was hit with smoke, you winced as you saw the look of disgust hit his face.

"Driving down a dirt road because my sat nav told me to, turns out I was wrong and then when I was on my way out, Buggy here gave out." He raised his eyebrow when he heard the nickname that you had for the car, you looked down at the floor feeling slightly shy at the look he was giving you.

"Everyone names their car," Your voice trailed off making Changbin smile even more as he nodded his head in agreement with you. He shut the boot as he began walking you back in the direction of his garage.

"I'll have everything priced up by the morning for you," He spoke as he walked into the main area of the garage as he went to lay your keys down.

"I don't charge people for staying at the home, it's just empty without anyone around." He mumbled as he began noting something down on a pad of paper, you weren't able to make out his handwriting so you didn't attempt to.

"Head up to the house, make yourself at home. Do you have any clothes with you?" He questioned as he looked up at you, wondering if he was going to need to lend you some of his own clothing or if you would be okay for now.

"In the car," He threw you the keys then he began writing down again, you headed off back to your car.

Wanting to get some comfortable clothes for the night, you twirled the keys around your fingers as you walked. Thinking over how nice everyone had been to you so far and how comfortable you already felt with a stranger. Hyunjin waved goodbye as he pulled out of the driveway when you reached it,

"Have a nice night! Tell him to give you some of Lix's cookies! You'll never regret eating them!" You laughed softly as Hyunjin waved his long arm out of the window and drove off down the road. You wondered how many people Changbin had allowed to stay over when he did their cars up and if he had a lot of business being out in the middle of nowhere.

Slamming the bonnet shut you took your overnight bag in the direction of the house, not paying attention to anything happening around you as you looked into your bank savings account. The money that was left was going to have to go on the car which meant your road trip would be officially cut short. Locking your phone you slid it into your bag before you let out a loud squeal, somehow you'd lost your footing on all the peddles that lined the floor causing you to slip. Falling over and smacking your head and ankle onto the ground as you let out a loud groan, wincing as you tried to get up on your own.

"Y/n?!" You looked up to see Changbin rushing over to you with a panicked expression on his face. He'd heard the scream and came rushing out from the garage to see what had happened, he hissed as he saw what had cut your head open on the floor.

"Here," He pulled off the tank top he was wearing and it took everything inside of you not to stare at his body in awe, he had huge biceps which you saw earlier but his abs were to die for.

"How did you fall?" He questioned trying hard not to laugh when he saw your eyes drifting to his body. He reached out with his hand covered in his tank top to dab the blood away from the small cut. From what he could see it wasn't major, just a small scrape that he could clean up indoors if you needed to.

"I-I wasn't paying attention," You hissed trying to stand up and that was when you and Changbin looked down at your ankle that was the source of most of your pain.

"I'll get you some ice and some painkillers, you'll have a headache soon." He then ripped his tank top in half as if it was made of nothing but tissue paper then gently wrapped it around your bruised ankle to help put some pressure on it while a makeshift bandage.

"The ice will bring the swelling out, then I'll get heat to help." You whimpered as he wrapped his arm around your waist and forced yours around his broad shoulders.

"I'm sorry I'm such a pain." You grumbled as he helped you limp in the direction of the main house that was in front of you. You'd only just met him and now you were using him to get around his place of work and home,

"You're not a pain, I'll get the first aid kit if you wait here." He sat you down on a grey sofa and you looked around, it was quite a large open home. The kitchen opened right into the living room, there was a wooden staircase right in front of the front door entrance which you assumed leads to the bedrooms.

"Here it is," You heard Changbin acknowledge followed by a small bang low groan came from him making you giggle a little, you covered your mouth to stop yourself from laughing.

"Do I need to be in charge of the first aid kit now?" He chuckled as he walked over to you from a small cupboard shaking his head at you,

"I hit my head on the shelf." You held back the second small giggle that was trying to escape from your lips and looked at him as he came over to you. He was rubbing the back of his head as he walked towards you. Sitting down next to you on the sofa as he looked through the small green box,

"I haven't had to use this in a while so I hope it's all good," He was biting down on his lower lip while reading through the contents of the box, checking the small butterfly stitches were okay to use. He didn't know if they went out of date or if they stopped working,

"Will it hurt?" You questioned nervously as you saw what he had in his hand. He gazed at you, you were biting down on your lower lip while watching his hands on the stitches with wide eyes.

"No, it's just a slight tugging sensation that's all." You nodded as he moved closer to you, his face inches away from yours as he began applying the small strips to the cut on your head. It wasn't anything major but he thought it would be best for your sake.

"This might hurt," He mumbled as he slowly took off the makeshift bandage from your ankle glancing up at you to see if you were okay. Your face was scrunched up in pain as you waited for him to do something else,

"It's swollen pretty bad but I don't think it's broken," He whispered to you as he slowly ran his hand over the skin you grimaced as he began applying a bandage around the bottom of your foot and up your ankle making sure it was secure enough, but not too tight to cut off your circulation.

"I'll go and get some ice after I've taken you to the room." He helped you up again, wrapping his arm around your waist as he got you up from the sofa. Waiting for you to steady yourself before he attempted to move,

"T-This is really nice of you, you shouldn't have to put up with a client like this." He shook his head at your words promising you that it was fine, it was really no big deal to him. He told you how he'd looked after his older sister in the same way whenever she was clumsy enough to hurt herself.

"Are you close with your family?" You yawned halfway through the questioned but he got it, helping you hop up the stairs as he nodded his head watching your feet carefully as you both walked.

"Pretty close, my sister and I are more like friends than siblings. It's nice," He chuckled as you hopped onto the landing and then tried to stand on your own. It wasn't because you wanted to seem tough but his hands on your waist was making your heart skip a beat and it was distracting to have him touch you even in an innocent manner. You couldn't help but let your mind wander onto what else his hands would be good at doing such large, long fingers. You shook your head trying to ignore the thought as he began to walk you into one of the rooms.

"I'll get a heater inside, I know it gets quite cold in this room in the summer." He sat you down on the edge of the double bed, it was in the middle of a plain white room. Wooden beams on the ceiling that were lined with posters of different artists, some you'd heard of others you hadn't, it must have been his own childhood room by the looks of it or his sisters you couldn't tell yet.

"I'll go and get some blankets, make yourself comfortable." He spoke to you as he headed out of the room, not being able to stop the smile on his face from the moment you stepped foot on the property. He grabbed the blankets from the airing cupboard, shutting it carefully as he made his way back to your room,

"I found a fluffy one and then a-" Changbin cut himself short when he saw you fast asleep on the pillow, you looked so peaceful laid there like that. He smiled weakly grabbing a spare pillow from beside you and carefully placing it under your bad ankle to make sure it was elevated for the night. Then he made sure to cover you with a warm blanket so you wouldn't get cold in the night. He sighed to himself going to get your bag from the living room to bring up to the room for the morning when you would need it.

Changbin walked up towards the top of the stairs to see if you'd woken up yet, he'd been awake for the last two hours getting the parts for your car ordered in so you could rest easy knowing that they were on their way into the garage. He'd had to call a bunch of companies since the car was so old but the thought of telling you that he couldn't fix it broke his heart. He could already tell how much you loved it from the short period of knowing you. 

"Y/n?" He called out when he heard a floorboard creak inside the room, you stared at the door wondering what to say or do in this situation. You had no idea he was on his way up, you were just on your way out of the room to use the bathroom. Last night you had been too tired to even question anything going on, where anything was and what you should even do when staying in someone else's house. Sleepovers had never been like this because at least before staying over you had been friends but, you didn't know Changbin. 

"I made breakfast if you're hungry, it's downstairs," Changbin said to the door as he realised how unsure you must have been about what was happening. To him letting out a room or two for a night was no big deal. He would do it if a customer couldn't get into the town for a hotel or one of the boys were staying over for the night, so he hadn't thought about it until now. 

"Also I laid some fresh towels out in the bathroom if you wanted to take a shower," You pulled the door open as he spoke and you nodded at him. He looked just as good as yesterday only this time he was in fresh overalls and a new tank top.  

"This is really nice of you, thank you again." He looked down at your ankle to see you were hovering it in the air, panic rushed through him as he thought about it possibly being broken or worse. It hadn't looked bad last night but now he was worried about it. 

"It's okay, just a little sore. The shower will help," You promised him when you noticed the concerned look spreading along his face, you didn't want him to have to worry about this since it was your fault for falling over in the first place. Changbin smiled shyly as he looked back up at you, 

"I'll come and turn the shower on, it's a little tricky if you don't know what you're doing," You followed him along towards the bathroom, limping whenever you put too much pressure on your ankle trying to ignore the floorboards that would creak whenever you stepped on them. It made you wonder how Changbin had ever snuck around as a kid. 

"Thanks," You whispered, leaning against the door frame as he hung over the side of the bathtub, turning the shower on and fiddling around with the dials. The water rushing down as he held his hand out to see if it was okay for you.

"The towels are on the heated rack, should be nice for when you get out." He smiled brightly at you, promising to get you some new bandages for your ankle while he was downstairs. 

"Thank you...Again," He chuckled at you shaking his head and reminding you again that it was his pleasure. 

"I'll be downstairs, scream if you need me." He joked playfully, walking out of the bathroom and heading back down to the kitchen. 

His phone was lighting up with text messages from Hyunjin asking what had happened the night before with you. Changbin made the mistake of telling Hyunjin that you'd fallen over and how Changbin's heart had been racing when he was sitting so close to you. Now the boy wasn't going to let Changbin get away with it without giving him some details, not that there were any details for him to give away.

Changbin: Nothing happened. We don't even know one another. Stop being a creep. He hit send and shook his head, going back to making some breakfast for you both, making sure to keep it hot in the oven while you were showering. Nothing was worse than cold food...Other than Hyunjin who had set yet another text, this time a huge paragraph.

Hyunjin: All I'm saying is...You haven't seen anyone in a while, she's cute, you're cute get to know her- Changbin stopped reading when he heard a thud followed by a scream coming from you, he dropped his phone onto the counter. 

"Y/n?!" He cried out rushing up the staircase and towards the bathroom knocking on the door rather loudly his voice coming out panicked as he spoke, 

"You okay?! Answer me if you're alive...I-I don't wanna walk in," He stuttered at the thought of having to walk in there while you were indecent. The mere thought of it causing his hands to get sweaty as he waited for you to give some kind of response to him, he bit down on his lip. 

"I-I'm okay, I slipped...C-Can-" You groaned at the thought of asking someone you barely knew for help, sitting there in nothing but a towel. You clutched the towel around your body, you'd slipped while wrapping the towel around yourself losing your footing on the water and your bad ankle. 

"Can you help me up? I slipped, I'm decent." You told him as you realised he must have thought you were naked or something. The door slowly opened and Changbin walked into the room turning a bright red colour as he saw you leaning against the bathtub on the floor. A blue towel wrapped around you tightly, he came closer to you as he spoke,

"Here," He wrapped his arm around your waist and helped you up onto your foot so you could keep your bad one up in the air, helping you out of the bathroom. 

"I have more bandages in the kitchen when you come down I'll wrap it up for you and get some ice." He was walking you carefully and slowly back to the bedroom while you tried not to get embarrassed over the fact that you'd fallen over twice in his presence and were now standing in nothing but a towel in front of him.

"I'm not usually this clumsy," You informed him as he pushed open the door to the bedroom you were staying in. He let out a low chuckle as he looked at you shaking his head as he thought back on what he'd said before he went to cook. 

"You know...When I told you to scream if you needed me I didn't mean it literally," He winked at you playfully, he had no idea where the wink came from but he liked the fact that you seemed to get shy, letting out a giggle and looked down at the floor. The simple wink had somehow sent your stomach into a frenzy and made your heart skip a beat.

"Will you be okay?" He questioned once you were sitting safely on the edge of the bed, he noticed how you'd made the bed again and he smiled at how thoughtful it was. Normally whenever someone stayed over they left the cleaning for him to do when he wasn't busy. 

"Yeah, I'll be right down." You whispered to him as you look at your bag that was sitting on a chair beside the bed, you wondered what you could wear that wouldn't bother your ankle too much, Changbin smiled before leaving the room and going back down to the kitchen. 

Changbin: She fell again, starting to think she's almost as clumsy as Jisung. I'll talk later. With lightning speed, Hyunjin replied immediately trying to tease his friend. 

Hyunjin: Ever thought she's falling on purpose so you'll save her? She was in the shower remember. The text ended with a suggestive string of emojis to which Changbin groaned and threw his phone into the drawer, wanting nothing more to do with Hyunjin that day. 

"I made tea as well, or I can make some coffee if you prefer," Changbin called to you when he heard small hops coming from the staircase. He glanced over to see you in a pair of high waisted shorts a band t-shirt, his eyes travelled up your legs as he took in the sight of you.

"Tea is perfect," You breathed out in relief as you reached the bottom floor without falling over or hurting yourself this time. 

"Come and sit," Changbin pulled out a white wooden chair that was in front of a kitchen island and you waddled over to him, watching as he began opening some drawers. Pulling out bandages and scissors before coming over to you to get you bandaged up for the day. 

"I have to finish that car I was working on yesterday but you're welcome to do whatever you want, watch a movie, or a show or something." He spoke calmly as he knelt down in front of you, carefully wrapping the new bandage around your ankle, pulling it a little tighter so that your ankle was secure. 

"I'll probably watch a movie, Hyunjin said that Busan is 2 hours away?" You wanted to confirm that Hyunjin was telling the truth and it wasn't just some trick so he wouldn't have to take you. 

"Yeah, two hours and from here to Seoul it's around four in a car." He cut the end of the bandage off before tying it around your leg and smiling up at you to show off his handiwork.

"I'm not a nurse but I don't think its that bad a job," He told you as you complimented his work on your ankle, 

"Well if you handle my car like you've handled me I'm sure she's in perfect hands." Changbin began blushing a deeper red than before and you smiled at him, you'd never had that effect on anybody before. 

"I'll get you some tea," You thanked him shyly and looked around again, the house was cosy and small but it did make you wonder about where his family were. There were photographs of them on the wall, they all looked so happy together,

"I know you mentioned your sister last night...Where is she?" It probably came across as you being nosy but you were generally interested in getting to know Changbin as a person. He came back to the kitchen island with plates stacked high with food for the both of you, he set them down before looking at you. Walking away to get the drinks as he spoke to you,

"Well my sister went to Seoul National University and my parents moved out there with her. I stayed to run the family business," He came back to the table again with tea for you both and sat down on the chair beside you, 

"You grew up out here?" He nodded at you, he could see where this was going so he cut you off before you could question him on school and friends. It was the question everyone asked whenever they came out here, 

"It's not as quiet as you probably think i is. There are some farms further down the road and then a small school where Hyunjin and I met the rest of our friends." That explained how they'd met, you'd wondered in the van when Hyunjin told you how far away everything was. You would have assumed they were homeschooled since everything seemed so far away from them,

"I thought you were going to tell me you travelled two hours a day for school," It was normal, you knew people travelled further for other schools, he shook his head at you. Telling you the only time they'd travelled to school was for high school and it was an hour-long bus journey there and back.

"What was school like?" You questioned as you began eating some of the food that Changbin had prepared. Withstanding the urge to let out a moan of delight when you tasted it, it was far better than you had imagined for a mechanic. It made you wonder who had taught him how to cook and if he got it from his mother or father, 

"Y-You okay? Is it not good?!" Changbin panicked as he read the look on your face, he couldn't tell if it was a good shocked face or a bad one. You were very hard to read for him at the minute and it scared him a little, he hadn't realised it until now but he'd been trying to impress you. 

"No! No! It's actually really good, I didn't- I didn't expect it." You admitted shyly and Changbin chuckled, his friend Jeongin had said the same thing when he first cooked for them all.

"My dad taught me how to cook growing up, Mum taught me cars." He admitted as he looked at you, you had a smile on your face as you looked at him intrigued to know more about him. Much like his your smile hadn't left your face yet. 

"School." You told him as you waited to hear more about his childhood and how he'd grown up around here, 

"School was normal I guess...We formed a friend group, tried to start a band as every young boy does." You giggled at the thought of it, pushing a piece of pancake into your mouth and shaking your head, 

"Not just boys, I wanted to be in a girl group but not many others did." You admitted to him as you began exchanging stories from your "girl group" days which turned out to be more of a solo carer turned into, the one singing job at a talent show followed by you never singing in front of people again. 

"What was your group name?" You quizzed when you were drying the dishes up for him. The conversations had been going back and forth while you ate. He'd told you all their stage names but not the group name itself, 

"I think we called ourselves Stray kids, we-" He started laughing through the sentence as he thought back on everything and shook his head, 

"We called ourselves that because we always strayed away from the usual kid's stuff," He shook his head at the memories and looked at you wondering the same question, 

"Your turn. Your group name?" He questioned, turning off the hot water and drying his hands while he stared at you. You were shying away from the question and shook your head, 

"It was something dumb, unlike Stray Kids which seems like a good name..." He wasn't going to let you get out of this one though, he wanted to know the ins and outs so he shook his head, 

"Come on, I told you mine." He pressed, moving closer to you and sitting down on the chair beside you, you groaned laying your face in your hands as you thought back on it all. The name had just been something you randomly thought of on the day, a 12-year-old you didn't have much imagination for names at the time.

"The group was called January Spice...I formed the group in January...Clearly, and I liked spicy food." He began to laugh softly at the time and you moaned, rolling your head down on the countertop in front of you. 

"Laugh away, you had stage names remember. SpearB," You mocked playfully earning a playful glare from Changbin as he got up from the counter. 

"I need to go work on the cars, do you want me to set the TV up?" He questioned as he pointed over at the tv while looking at you, but you had a better idea,

"C-Can I come?" You questioned, the thought of being alone in the house would bother you too much and you wanted to get to know him better. Changbin's heart warmed at the thought of you wanting to spend time with him more than you had that morning at least, 

"Sure. We'll take a chair out so you can sit while I work." He laughed picking up one of the barstools from the kitchen island and heading out, you limping slowly behind him as he went to open the garage doors. 

"Bliss," He called out randomly in the silence, you frowned looking at him. It had been quiet while he worked on the car for a couple of minutes, you didn't know if he wanted complete silence or if it would be okay to talk. He was bent over the hood of a car as he worked on the engine, he could tell you were confused by the lack of response, 

"You said everyone names their car, mine was called Bliss." You nodded along with him now following along with what he meant, 

"Was?" He whined out at the question and thought of his car, he hadn't been away from it since the day he'd gotten it until his parents needed it. He knew they would need it more than him so he gave it up. Changbin had his choice of cars around the yard that they bought from people over the years. But none of them was 'Bliss', his dream car. 

"Out in the city with my parents, they needed it to get around." He told you as he placed his hand on his chest, faking hurt for dramatic effect splashing oil all over his clean white vest top.

"Now I just have Dave," He groaned facing over at a Ford Pickup truck that was sitting beside the house, 

"He's only good when I need to go into town and come back with all of the snacks Felix makes for me,"

"Felix is the one that bakes right?" You remembered both Hyunjin and Changbin telling you about him. Changbin said that Felix was better than him at cooking but it was hard to believe when you'd ate Changbin's food. 

"Yeah! I think I'll see him before your parts come so you can have some of his cookies for the road," He laughed going back down into the hood of the car while you stared at the floor feeling a sinking feeling in your chest as you thought back on that. You'd totally forgotten about driving back home. Ending your road trip short and yet the one thing that was making you feel down the most was leaving here, you'd loved spending so much time with Changbin it felt as though you'd known him longer than you had.

"Yeah- Sounds good," Changbin could hear the uncertainty in your voice and he decided to look back at you, turning his head as he caught you looking a little sad. 

"Can you pass me the adjustable wrench?" He questioned snapping you out from your daydream, you reached for it and handed it over to him in silence. He could tell that making you think of home had struck a nerve so he looked back down at the car trying to come up with something to distract you from it, 

"Why did you leave home? Why did you decide to go on the huge road trip alone?" He licked his lips as he began fixing the engine again not glancing over at you. You took in a deep breath and shook your head thinking over it all. 

"I- I don't know, I just..." You'd never said it out loud to anyone before in fear of hurting their feelings but where you lived was awful. No one did a thing about their dreams, they worked in dead-end jobs like they were running their lives on autopilot all of the time.

"I looked around and realised there wasn't a single person there, whose life I wanted." By now Changbin was resting his hands on the closed bonnet of the car and staring at you, he watched the way your face contorted thinking back on everything back home. He could tell you didn't want to go back there, 

"So you travelled to find somewhere you wanted to stay?" He cleaned off his hands on a towel while he waited for your response, 

"Maybe..." You whispered not wanting to admit that you may have found somewhere. That it was Busan was seemingly like a great place despite not seeing it as a whole yet, you sensed it was probably Changbin making you feel like you wanted to stay.

The rest of the day was spent with you and Changbin getting to know one another on a deeper level. He told you about his time growing up and you did the same, exchanging horror stories from your high school years and what you had done for a living before going on the road trip. 

Now you were both watching a movie together, it was some horror movie that his friend Minho had suggested you both watch together. Though it wasn't really scary...At all. Changbin thought he'd only suggested it because he had you over at the house and "watching horror movies scared girls into your arms" was something Minho always used to say in school. But you weren't scared, in fact, you were laying your head on Changbin as you drifted off to sleep, Changbin smiled when he heard you murmur in your sleep. Holding onto his arms as you got comfortable against him, snuggling your head into him. He knew if you were awake you would be far too shy to do this which was why he wrapped his arm around your shoulder enjoying the moment while he had it. He drew your body closer to his as he got comfy. It somehow felt natural to be in this position with you, as though you'd done this a million times before. 

"C-Changbin," He heard the small whine of his name leave your lips and he froze in place wondering if you'd woken up and felt him holding you or if you were dreaming about him. He blushed at the thought of him being in your dreams and glanced at his phone, it was getting late and he had to be up early soon but he didn't want to leave this position. He wanted to stay right here with you but sleeping on the sofa caused back pains, he would know after the many nights he'd spent on it after crashing. 

The next morning you rolled over to stop the sun from blinding you in your face but ended up rolling over and hurting your ankle as it came into contact with the edge of the bed.

"Shit," You hissed, sitting up straight and looking down at yourself, you were still in the clothes from yesterday but, you were in the bedroom. You could have sworn you'd been sitting downstairs. It was the last thing you could remember, you were watching a horror movie with Changbin and pretending to be a little afraid so you could hide in his arms. Looking back on it now it seemed silly and childish but you wanted to hold onto him or have him hold you, even if it was just a little while. You hadn't meant to fall asleep beside him and have him carry you up to the bed, now you felt like such a fool.

"Y/n? You alright?" Changbin asked as he came out of the bathroom from his shower, he was about to head into his room when he heard you moving around in the bedroom. Pulling up your black jeans you hummed at him, pulling the door open as soon as you were dressed. Then you walked out showing him that you weren't limping around anymore while you did the best you could not to whine out. It was still hard to walk on but at least now you could do it on your own and without limping, he chuckled softly so you looked up at him. Your mouth could have dropped to the floor when you saw him standing there in nothing but a towel. His body on full display for you to see, beads of water dripping down his arms, abs and face. As he looked at you your mouth ran dry as you realised you were staring at him as if he was some model in a magazine. This time it was your turn to get shy and turn away from him as you got embarrassed.

"I'm heading into the town today, the market will be on. You're welcome to join me if you'd like." He told you as he turned his back on you, heading towards his bedroom so that you wouldn't have to be shy about staring at him anymore.

"Y-Yeah! Sounds great, I-I'm gonna go- Make a drink." You stuttered out as you tried to make it down the staircase as quickly as you could with your bad ankle. Changbin sniggered to himself as he heard you mumbling to yourself about staring.

"He can see you staring you idiot," Was the last words he heard from you before he went to change into some clothes for the town.

Instead of his usual attire, Changbin came down in dressed in some blue jeans and a white t-shirt while he pulled on a black jacket.

"We'll take Dave, no doubt Felix will have baked up a storm last night and I need to get some food while I'm in town." He told you as he walked into the kitchen where you were sitting. You'd made you both a hot cup of tea while you waited for him, wanting to trip yourself over for staring at him the way you did. It was clear from his actions over the two days he wasn't feeling the same way that you did, you had to stop fantasying about him and get on with it. Changbin was just there to fix your car and you would be out of there. It was as simple as that.

"Y/n?" Changbin called out as he stood beside you looking down at you, your hands were clamped down tightly on the mug you were holding. There was something on your mind anybody with more than one brain cell could see that.

"Sorry, what?" You muttered shaking your head as you realised he had been speaking to you the entire time and you hadn't noticed until now.

"I asked if you want me to put your tea into the travel mug for the drive?" He held up a pink travel mug and shook it so you would see what he was talking about, you nodded shyly at him and he chuckled taking the mug from your hands. As he stood at the sink he glanced over his shoulder at you, wanting to know what it was that seemed to be bothering you.

"What's on your mind?" He questioned as he poured the hot liquid into another container. A part of him hoped it was about what had happened upstairs and you would either confirm or deny your feelings for him but it was wishful thinking on his part. Neither of you had known one another that long and he didn't want to tell you his feelings too soon in fear of ruining what would be a lovely couple of days together.

"Going back home...The thought of it just lingers." You mumbled as you lied to him, you'd never ever been a good liar even your mother could tell when you lied to her. You couldn't exactly be straight forward and tell him that it was he that occupied your mind all morning and night. The situation on the top floor landing creeping back into your mind, which then took you back into thinking of the dream you'd had the night before. Nothing special had happened but Changbin had been there. You couldn't even remember what had happened, only that he was there and you kissed.

"Hmm," Changbin hummed as he looked at you knowing that it was a lie. Your eyes were locked on your hands and your body language had become blocked off to him, he hadn't known you long but he already knew your thinking of home face and that wasn't it. Whatever it was that was on your mind had you biting your bottom lip and playing with your hands nervously.

"Well, maybe you'll like Busan and you'll have found a place you want to stay." He nudged your side trying to wake you up from another daydream and he walked you out of the house in silence not knowing what to say to you to make things easier on your mind. This was the most you had been quiet around one another and it was starting to feel a little awkward.

"I'd offer to buy breakfast on the drive but if I do that I think Seungmin and Chan might kill me. They serve food all day from the moment they get there. You'll love it," As he spoke to you you looked at him and smiled as you tried to forget about kissing him in your dream and seeing him almost naked. At least now you'd both seen one another in nothing but a towel and you had nothing to be embarrassed about.

"What are they like?" You had questioned him on his friends before but nothing major, now that you were going to meet them all you wanted to know what you were in for before you got to the market and they would get to hang with you all day.

"Jump in, we have a whole two-hour drive. I'll tell you all about them," He chuckled as he looked at you, the chuckle made you feel more relaxed as you realised he was just breezing over the fact you'd seen him in a towel.

"In return though-" He started as he turned on the car of the pickup truck, turning the radio down from the last time he had been in the car alone. He didn't want to deafen you with his music blasting out suddenly at you.

"I want you to sing for me, otherwise I'm going to throw you to the boys. Like a sheep in a lion's den." You raised your eyebrow at the statement and turned your head to the side trying to think if that was the correct saying.

"I thought the saying was 'I'll feed you to the wolves'?" He licked his lips at you and shook his head acting confident in what he had said to you.

"Not anymore, I changed it. Find a song and start singing," He winked at you, nodding over at the glove box where he kept all of his CD's.

"Whoa. You have a lot of music," You mumbled as you flicked through the multiple CD holders he had inside to try and find a CD where you would at least know one song on it.

"I have to keep myself entertained on the long drives somehow," By now Changbin was pulling into the main road and heading into the town ready to listen to your singing.

By the time you pulled into a parking spot, you knew all of the boy's names, how he'd met every one of them and some small details about them all. Changbin and you had sung together, which led to some rather interesting duets in the car mostly you being shocked by how well Changbin could make up a rap on the spot. He could have had a huge music career if he had stuck it out.

"I just don't want to seem nervous," You told Changbin as he playfully teased you for wanting to know who all of his friends were when you got out of the car. Changbin slammed the door and laughed again, Hyunjin looked up from his phone as soon as he heard your voice and he smiled quickly sending a text to everyone that you were there.

"Is that Y/n I hear? Changbin hasn't scared you off then?" He laughed loudly gaining the attention of other people around you as you looked at him. You smiled back at him as you shook your head at his question,

"Not yet!" You giggled as he rushed over to you and Changbin, greeting Changbin with nothing but a nod of his head before turning to you.

"I hope you're enjoying your stay at Hotel-Dela-Changbin," You laughed softly and began talking with Hyunjin about Changbin's rapping in the car but Changbin began gushing about your singing voice.

"So where shall we start?" You questioned as you looked around you, you were still standing at the edge of the parking lot looking around for something. The market area seemed huge with both and indoor and outdoor market area, a huge building with floor to ceiling windows letting you see everything inside. You didn't dare admit to Changbin you'd never been to one before, the closest thing you'd gotten to a farmers market is a market stall in your home town that sold books.

"We'll start outdoors, Seungmin text saying he has some breakfast food ready for us and that Chan is getting angsty just waiting there." He chuckled glancing from his phone and up to you to make sure that would alright with you,

"Great let's go-" Your sentence was cut short by a loud whimper as you went to walk on your foot a little too eagerly and twisted your ankle, you wanted to cry out in pain but you held it back. Changbin instantly reached his hands out to grab you protectively and Hyunjin watched from the side a little shocked by how protective of you Changbin was acting.

"Ankle again?" Changbin questioned as he steadied you in his arms holding onto you tightly trying to make sure you didn't fall.

"Y-Yeah," The stutter in your voice wasn't because of your ankle but because of how he was holding you. His hands were on your waist, his breath against your neck as he stood close to you, stopping you from toppling over onto your face. Your heart began to pump as you felt him draw you closer to him, his chest against your back as you felt his heart racing just as yours was.

"Alright love birds, let's get moving." Hyunjin joked hoping that Seungmin had seen it from the stall he was working on. He clapped his hands together as he waited for you and Changbin to start moving together so he could get back to his job on directing everyone in the right places. Changbin looked at you as he linked his arm with yours, slowly walking with you in the direction of Seungmin and Chan who were both watching you from a distance. Smirking to one another as they watch you and Changbin engage in conversation with one another, staring up into one another's eyes getting lost in one another rather than paying attention to anything around you.

"It's like those old romance movies Minho claims he doesn't watch," Seungmin joked to Chan who was laughing softly at the thought of it. They could already tell that Changbin liked you a lot, they'd known him for a long time and knew he rarely smiled that much unless it was someone he really liked.

"I thought Changbin was going to join a nunnery he'd been single for so long." Felix joked as he loaded up a box full of baking goods for you to take back to the garage. All nine of you were sitting at a bench in the indoor market while you had some lunch together, Changbin and you had done a full lap of the outdoor market. Walking slowly, of course, to make sure you didn't hurt your ankle. The whole time you spoke about his life again, what he had planned for his future if he wasn't going to run the garage but now you were here with them all.

"Felix!" Changbin groaned as he playfully hit his friend for bringing it up in front of you, he didn't want you to know how long he'd been single in case it put you off him.

"It would be a monastery anyway since...Changbin is a dude." You whispered joining in on the playful teasing while Changbin started nodding sarcastically and licked the inside of his lip.

"Yeah! That's it! You encourage them!" He yelled at you jokingly but you held onto his arm and shook your head, promising him it was just a joke while Felix told him it wasn't.

"The boys and I were going to chip on getting you a Monk outfit." A biscuit was thrown in Felix's direction while you let out a loud surprised shriek as Changbin got up from the seat suddenly.

"Do they always act like this?" You questioned Chan who was sitting beside you watching them both, Changbin got up from the table and began racing after Felix around the indoor market, chasing him in and out of stalls and around people while you giggled.

"Sometimes, Changbin normally rises above it." He whispered turning to look at you as he tried to figure out how you felt about Changbin. Your eyes hadn't left him, watching him chase the smaller boy of the group around, yelling out that he would kill him amongst other playful remarks.

"To be blunt," Chan started once he realised he couldn't read what you were thinking based on your facial expression. As you turned to look at him your face softened wondering what it was that he wanted to ask, you placed a forkful of cake into your mouth and waited for him to continue on.

"Do you like him?" You almost choked on the piece of cake you were eating as he asked you point blankly about Changbin.

"What?! I don't- We don't know- I-" Chan smirked when he saw how easily flustered you were getting with the question, it was obvious now what the answer was even if you weren't saying it yourself.

"You do?" He questioned, biting down on your lip you looked back over at Changbin before nodding. It would be no use lying to yourself about your feelings for him so you weren't going to bother trying to hide it.

"Yeah. I do. Don't...Don't tell him? It's dumb but we haven't known each other long and I don't want things to be awkward-"

"Don't want to be awkward?" Changbin asked making you jump in your seat and look up at him, you were instantly hit with nervousness as you thought he'd heard you and Chan talking about him.

"Nothing, can we take a walk? I want to stretch my ankle for a little bit." Chan slyly tapped his nose at you as a way of telling you that he would keep your secret so you began heading off to look through the indoor market.

"Cute!" You expressed once you saw a stand selling handmade outfits for animals, you walked away from Changbin who was buying you both a hot chocolate and over to the lady who was serving.

"Do you own a pet?" She asked you as you looked through everything,

"No, but now I want to." You whined, Changbin chuckled as he caught you whining and walked over to you, looking through everything as he greeted the woman at the stand.

"Changbin, watch while I have a bathroom break?" He nodded at her and she rushed out of the booth going towards the bathroom while you giggled at everything. Picking up a bow tie that would go around a dogs neck,

"Look, it would suit you." You giggled as you adjusted the neck to fit around Changbin's. Holding it around his neck as you stared into his eyes, getting lost in them as you looked at one another.

"S-So cute," You whispered dropping the bow tie on the floor as you both leant closer to one another. Your heart was in your throat as you moved closer to one another, your lips inches away. Changbin wrapped his arms around your waist as your you were about to kiss when someone let out a loud screech. Changbin backed away from you first making you whine as you looked down at the floor acting as though you weren't just about to kiss one another. The fact that he pulled away first made you feel as though he didn't want to be that close to you,

"Binnie!" You heard a female voice cry out before someone came bounding over to you both, pushing you back a couple of steps and causing you to knock into the stand.

"Watch it Flair!" Changbin yelled moving away from her and holding onto your elbow to stop you from falling over anymore and then he stared at the girl. She had long jet-black hair as she stared at you, giving you a dirty look the second Changbin held onto you.

"What are you doing here? I thought you never wanted to see me again?" Changbin questioned her once you were steady on your feet. Minho, who had seen the entire thing began making his way over to move you out of the firing range. Whenever Flair saw Changbin it ended badly, the last time she'd seen him she flipped out never wanting to see him again but now she'd seen him with someone else Minho knew what was bound to happen.

"I still love you silly, we should go for a drink." Her hands were holding onto his biceps as Minho reached your side,

"Come on," He pulled you over in the direction of the table where the boys were again so you could be alone and not have to listen to their fight.

"Flair again?" Jeongin questioned when they all looked over at Changbin who seemed to be turning red in the face as he spoke back and forth with the girl.

"Who is she?" You questioned shyly, not wanting to look as though you were jealous, you had nothing to be jealous over. It was only a small kiss and it hadn't even happened, though your rapidly beating heart would say otherwise.

The drive home had been silent except for the music that had been playing through the speaker system. Changbin and you hadn't spoken since the almost kiss in the indoor market, he'd come to stand at the table and told the boys he best start driving home before it got too late which meant it was your cue to leave as well.

Now you were heading up to the bedroom to get some rest for the night, holding onto the railing instead of relying on Changbin to help balance you.

"Y/n?" Changbin questioned as you hand touched the golden door handle on the door, you turned your body to face him as you forced yourself to look him in the eyes,

"I'm sorry. Flair...She's a little too much and she's my ex...I had to talk to her-" The boys had explained who Flair was to you, she cheated on Changbin multiple times with different guys to the point where they had their relationship as open but Changbin wasn't allowed to date anyone else. If he even looked at another girl Flair would flip out on him and ''break up'' the relationship without a second thought. When they finally did have a real break up she swore she never wanted to see him again, until she got needy and followed him everywhere. Then claimed she never wanted to see him again. Minho had explained she'd only gone up to him at the market today because she'd seen him with you and got jealous.

"It's fine. It's not as if we're dating, right?" You knew it was wrong to snap at him but you did so anyway, walking into the room and slamming the door behind you. Changbin stared at the door sighing to himself, he should never have stood there to speak to Flair, he should have just taken you away and finished the kiss. Now things were going to be weird between the two of you.

As soon as you knew he was gone from outside of the door you let out a cry into your hands, it seemed stupid crying over a boy you weren't with but it hurt how he left you there like that for someone else.

When the sun woke you up that morning you didn't bother moving from the bedroom, you just rolled over onto your side and began to scroll through your phone trying to distract yourself. There had been someone at the front door earlier that morning talking with Changbin but the voices were muffled through your door, so you weren't able to make out who it was or what they were talking about so you just went back to sleep for a few hours until now. 

Sighing to yourself you sat up in the bed deciding that hiding from Changbin wouldn't be the most mature thing to do in this situation so you wanted to go and see him, at least try and talk this all over with him. Smooth things out at least. You changed into another pair of jeans and an oversized button-up that was in the bottom of your bag and headed for the stairs finding your ankle perfectly fine to walk on today, unlike the previous days when you could barely use it.

"Changbin?" You called out nervously as you reached the bottom to see that he wasn't around, the living room was empty and there were no signs of him in the kitchen. Nothing but a plate and a used mug in the sink that was waiting to be washed up.

"Changbin?" You walked out to the front door checking to see if he was in the garage but the doors were shut and locked and Dave was missing so he'd most likely gone out somewhere but you didn't know where that was. 

As you made your way back towards the kitchen there was a small note on the coffee machine you hadn't seen before, 

One of your parts was missing, went out to Seoul to get it. Won't be home until late, food in the fridge, Lix said he'll come round after 11. See you later x

The small kiss on the end of the handwritten note gave you hope that he wasn't mad about whatever happened the night before between you. The almost kiss lingering in your head as you thought back on the market incident. Maybe there was hope for you both yet but your stomach was still in a nervous spin as you realised he'd left you alone with not much to do. There was an hour before Lix would be arriving so you were going to do the best you could to get something to eat in the house and then clean up. It was the least you could do since Changbin was letting you stay here for free this whole time. Trying to distract yourself from thinking about Changbin the whole time, there was no use sitting around and crying over a boy.

"Changbin wasn't kidding when he said you could sing, huh?" Felix laughed as he walked right into the house. The whole house was filled with loud music, he heard it as he pulled into the driveway. You'd been playing it for the last hour as you cleaned up the house. It wasn't as though it was unnecessarily dirty, just random stains you knew how to fix. 

Felix placed the key he had into his jacket pocket and walked further into the home, taking off his shoes not wanting to mess it up. The boys all had their own key to both the house and the garage, Changbin made them make copies for whenever he was away and needed them to come and look after the place for a couple of days.

"Ah! Hi!" You yelled as you got up from the floor turning off the music so you would be able to talk to one another without yelling at each other. 

"Hey! I brought you guys some more cookies, I even had Sengmin whip us something up for dinner." He placed the containers into the fridge and walked over to you to see what you had been doing. That was when he noticed that the stain in front of the kitchen sink was gone. Chan had dropped some oil a few years ago and it ended up seeping into the small grooves of the floor. 

Felix greeted you with a hug although you hadn't known him longer than half a day you already felt close with him. In fact, you felt close to all of the boys which were nice since you'd never had that kind of friendship before. Everyone back home just sort of tolerated one another, put up with each other for the sake of the town since it was only small and there were only so many people around. Yet another reason to stay away. There everyone knew one another, here they did too but it didn't seem as toxic as it did back home.

"Thank you, Changbin loves your cookies. I haven't tried them yet but if they're anything like your cakes though I'm sure I'll gain a few pounds while I have the last few days here." Felix frowned as you spoke about leaving. From what he'd gotten from Changbin the day before you were starting to like your time in Busan, which made him and the boys wondered if you would be staying. It wasn't uncommon for people to visit and plan to stay in the future.

"Last days?" He tried to bring it up casually as you both walked over to the sofa to talk for a while but you knew why he was asking. 

"I have to go home right? I can't stay with Changbin all the time...There aren't really any places for me to stay other than here..." You trailed off slowly not knowing if Chan had told anyone else that you admitted your feelings for Changbin to him yesterday. Felix smiled softly at you as he looked at you.

"Chan told me that you might have a crush on him," You scoffed at his words, 'crush' was one of the biggest oversimplifications you could have used. It made you feel as though you were back in school and had a crush on one of the popular kids.

"That would be the understatement of the year." Felix sighed at you when he saw the look on your face, it looked as though you were really upset about something and he wanted to know what it was that was on your mind.

"What happened? Minho said that he saw you and Changbin with Flair but-"

"We almost kissed when she interrupted then when we got back to the house I sort of - maybe kind of...Snapped at him for something that wasn't his fault," You dramatically rolled back to lay on the grey sofa, closing your eyes and groaning about how if you could do it over you would. Felix met you with a breathy chuckle as he looked over at you laying down on the sofa with your eyes closed.

"You could talk it through with him...Tell him how you feel? I mean after the almost kiss it means he confirms his feelings for you." Forcing your eyes open you stared up at Felix, you had so many questions you wanted to ask him but you didn't know if he would be comfortable with answering them. Changbin was his friend, Felix wasn't yours you had to remember that. 

"You're worried about Flair right? If you are you have nothing to be worried about... From what I heard Changbin set her straight yesterday." To distract yourself a little you walked to the kitchen to make you both a hot drink to have together. Trying not to make it seem like you were prying for too much information. 

"Set her straight?" You wondered if that was why he had been so tense the night before and hadn't spoken in the truck ride home. Not that you did anything to help aid that either, you could have just as easily spoken to him too you just choose not to. Deciding it would be better to sit in a dull silence rather than talk it out like the adults you both were.

"From what we heard, Flair isn't planning on sticking around in Busan much longer. Then last night Changbin gave her that little extra nudge to move." You looked at Felix with a raised eyebrow handing him his mug of hot coffee as you sat down beside him on the sofa once again. Pulling your knees into your chest as you stared at him, 

"Was Flair his first love? Was that why he put up with so much from her?" As much as he didn't want to talk about his friend behind his back he thought it would be important for you to know it. Since you'd expressed your interest in Changbin and it was clear to him and the boys Changbin liked you back. 

"They were each other's first love, Changbin had been crushing on Flair Hard. For years. I'm talking since we were in little school to high school..."

The story went on until Felix had told you the ins and outs of the relationship. The first time Flair had cheated until the last time when Changbin finally had enough of it all and called it all to an end. She'd been the worst of the worst for him and it took him so long to realise it. Felix took off not long before nine that night so you just began watching a film on the TV. The plan was to wait for Changbin to come in so you could greet him and talk everything over but it wasn't panning out that way since your eyes were getting harder to keep open with each passing second. 

Changbin walked into the house to find you asleep on the sofa a movie running on the screen while there was a mug of half-drunken coffee on the coffee table. He grinned to himself as he quietly dropped the truck keys on the table and stepped over to you, looking over your face while you snuggled into the sofa. You were covered by a small blanket while clutching a small stuffed toy in your arms he'd never seen it before so he could only assume you'd brought it along with you,

"Cute." He whispered to himself as you scrunched your face up in your sleep dreaming of something that wasn't nice by the looks of it. 

"Come here," He whispered to himself once again, taking the blanket off of your body before lifting you up into his arms just like he'd done that second night you'd stayed over. He couldn't expect you to sleep on the coach given how uncomfortable it was, he watched your face as he walked carefully up the staircase to your room. Being careful not to drop you as he walked towards the bedroom you were staying in.

"Changbin," He froze in place as he reached the door of your bedroom, he'd just tucked you into the double bed and was about to leave when you called out his name. 

"Y/n?" He glanced back at you and sighed when he saw that you were still fast asleep on the bed, mumbling his name to yourself. He was sure he could run a hover around the room and you would still be out cold. He shook his head while laughing softly at the sight of you, then he sighed to himself making himself leave the room as he thought about everything. The almost kiss in the market. The ranting text messages he had sitting in his phone from the boys complaining about how he had dealt with everything. Including a string of new messages from Felix updating him on what had happened in the house.

Felix: She's caught up on this whole almost kiss...You should tell her how you feel...

Felix: I'm leaving. She's going to try and stay awake to talk to you. Talk to her. She'll be good for you, you know it, the boys know it and I know it

Changbin ignored them though, throwing his phone onto the sofa as he looked around the kitchen. The boys were always on his case about moving on so this was nothing new from them but he didn't need the pressures of everyone else around him on top of him as well as his own pressures about you. As he walked further into the kitchen he noticed that the usual oil stain on the floor was gone...He'd been trying to get that out for years and you'd only been here a few days and it vanished? He was going to need your secret that or he needed you to stay around forever to be his personal stain remover. Who was he kidding? He wanted you to stay around because having you there had made him happier than he had been in the longest time. Anyone with a functioning brain and two eyes could tell that. He groaned to himself as he thought about how rude he had been, he should have offered to take you to Seoul with him, there was no reason for him to have been out all day either. He'd wasted so much time in the City just trying to avoid coming home to the weird tension that had been in the air the previous night.

The next morning Changbin had woken up first - as he always did - and headed out to your car to start working on it. Working on cars was the only thing he could do to help clear his mind and help him say the things he needed to say without them coming out as complicated, fixing cars helped him focus.

When you woke up and saw him out of the window you knew it was now or never, you had to speak to him. He was working on your car so you only had a couple of hours to get yourself to talk to him, starting with a hot drink. In your mindset, no one could be mad or upset if you brought them a hot drink. That and it would give you that tiny bit longer of procrastination while you worked out what on earth you were going to say to him when you went out there.

"I-I made you a drink." You whispered as you brought him out a mug of tea with the biscuits that Felix brought round the day before.

"Lix baked fresh cookies so I brought them out too." You mumbled to him as you set the small tray down on one of the empty workbenches not knowing how else to pluck up a conversation. No words came from him as he continued working in the back of your car, glancing over at you when you weren't looking. Today you were dressed in a pair of dark blue denim overalls and a white button-up which made him smile at the thought of you both looking alike, but he went back to the car ignoring the sweet thoughts he was having about you as he continued his work. He still had no idea what it was he wanted to say to you. If he should bring up the kiss or if he was just supposed to ignore the whole thing had happened.

"Look I was hoping-" You stopped talking when someone knocked on the wooden doors of the garage interrupting you, you both glanced over to see the delivery man holding a box for Changbin.

"Drop it anywhere, thanks, man." The box said had a brand of spray paint on the side which the delivery man dropped over by the doors.  

"I was hoping that we could talk about the other day-" You'd tried to start once the delivery man was gone but Changbin cut you off this time. He began talking about the car instead of looking at you, staring into the engine as he tried to talk.

"It'll be done by tomorrow at the latest. You'll be out of here before you know it." He didn't even look at you while he spoke it pissed you off more than it probably should have. That he didn't even have the guts to look you in the face while he toyed around with your feelings like this.

"Changbin I wasn't talking about the car-" You tried to speak once again but just like before he cut you off.

"I just need to get an oil change and some stuff, let it settle. You'll be out of my hair by morning." The wording of his sentence pierced you both in place like a deer caught in headlights, your heart thumped against your chest as he told you what he thought about you. Changbin put down the wrench he was using and slowly looked over at you to try and assess the situation. Your eyes were starting to fill with tears as you thought over what he had said. 'Out of my hair' was he sick of you already? Did the boys read him wrong and he didn't like you back at all?

"Out of your hair, r-right...Okay." You stuttered out as you tried not to burst out into tears right there and then, trying to leave the comment alone but it kept repeating itself over and over in your head. Anger began to bubble up inside of you as you thought about it longer and longer,

"You offered me to stay...If it was that big a deal you could have told me to go...I-I could have found a hotel-" He cut you off trying to explain why he'd said what he'd said.

"I didn't mean it, I was just-" This time you cut him off,

"Just what? Because it sounded to me like you meant it! What's your problem? We went from almost kissing to you ignoring me, passing me off as nothing but a visitor and claiming I'm in your hair!?" It came out more of a question than you throwing accusations at him, he licked his lips as he began to feel the guilt coming onto him. He hadn't meant it all, he was just trying to push you away. Pushing people away was easier for him than to accept they were willing to stay with him.

"If I'm that big a deal I'll leave now!" You knew yelling wasn't going to solve anything in this situation but you couldn't help but feel mad at him. You turned to leave out of the garage doors when he seized your wrist in his grasp, stopping you from leaving him there.

"I didn't mean I wanted you to leave..." His voice was coming out calmer now as he looked at you, trying not to hold back the feelings he could feel rushing to the surface. It scared him that he was finally starting to feel something stronger than he had for Flair all those years ago and now he was going to have to admit it out loud it worried him. He didn't want the thing that had happened in the past to repeat themselves.

"Then what is your problem? You've been so-" This time it wasn't Changbin cutting you off with his words...He smashed his lips against yours. Instantly it was as if the fight had melted away from you, you couldn't remember what you were mad at him for, all that matter now was that he was kissing you deeply. Your arms wrapped around the back of his neck as you stood up on your tiptoes to deepen the kiss, Changbin smirked against your lips. Biting down on your lower one so he could gain access, pushing his tongue into your mouth as he made out with you. Your lips mouthing in sync with one another as you finally got the dream kiss you'd been wanting this whole time. Changbin's arms snaked around your waist, luring you closer to him as he made out with you on the spot.

"N-No, not here." He whispered as you began to run your hands up his shirt. He had to remember you were both in the middle of the garage, anyone could walk in and he didn't want that. He kissed both of your hands as he pulled them out from under his tank top, then he kissed down your neck, pulling you in the direction of the house instead.

Clothes were strewn around the bedroom as you both rushed to undress one another, you bit down on your lip taking in all of his body in one look.

"Like what you see baby? You couldn't get enough the other day." Changbin teased you as he thought back on the morning you'd seen him in nothing but a towel, you whined at him before pushing him to lay down on the bed.

"Can you blame me? Look at you." You purred as you bit down on his bottom lip dragging it down as you then began to kiss down his neck, leaving a small mark as your lips travelled. Kissing down every inch of his body until you got to his boxers. Despite him still having his underwear on you could already tell how large he was from the tent in his boxers. Your mouth watered as you looked up at him, taking your hand and palming him through the thin black fabric. His lips parted to let out a low grunt as his head rolled back against the pillows of his bed, no one except for him had done this in such a long time he'd almost forgotten what it felt like.

"Oh shit." He whispered breathlessly as you continued to palm him slowly not knowing if he wanted it faster or not since you'd never discussed this before. Biting down on your lip your eyes were fixated on his erection, you pulled down his boxers and bit down on your lip you watched as his cock sprang up to his lower abdomen.

"Y-You don't have to-" Changbin was cut off when he let out a loud moan as you took the head of his cock into your mouth, swirling your tongue around the head while you looked up at him. His head was rolled back against the pillows with his eyes screwed shut, he was in ecstasy with every small kitten licks you were giving to him. Taking in some air you took all of his cock until he filled your mouth and hit the back of your throat. Scrunched your eyes shut you continued to bob your head around him, moaning whenever he would hit the back of your throat.

"Fuck Y/n. You're doing s-so good, oh fuck!" He grunted as he bucked up into the back of your throat. You hummed around him as he pulled your hair out of your face, staring at you to make sure this was okay.

"F-Feels so fucking good." He moaned out as he began fucking into your throat, his cock pushing in and out periodically making you gag around him but you did your best to keep your gags to a minimum wanting to please him. His grip on the back of your head tightened as he continued before letting go and letting you catch your breath, you pulled off and began pumping him.

"Look at you," He moaned out sitting up slowly as he ran his thumb over your bottom lip making you suck the string of saliva and precum from it.

"So fucking hot." He grunted out as you stared up at him, taking him back into your mouth and all the way to the back of your throat until you gagged again.

"Ugh shit," He moaned out as you began bobbing your head up and down around him, he could feel the smirk on your lips as you continued to take him into your mouth. You moaned out around him as you reached down to rub yourself through your panties, you hadn't realised just how wet you were getting from the ordeal.

"Do you want some attention now baby?" He cooed looking down at you as he removed his cock from your throat. You looked up at him with parted lips, nodding slowly. Changbin chuckled bending down to pick you up and lay you on the bed,

"Look at you," He whispered to you as he slowly pulled down the black lace panties yo were wearing and watch your arousal slowly stick to them. He chuckled darkly before kissing each of your thighs. Shyly you pressed your thighs together trying to hide from him but he spread them apart, kissing up to your core.

"You're beautiful, you don't need to hide." He promised you as he bit down softly on the fleshy part of your outer labia humming against your skin as you moaned.

"I've not even started yet," He chuckled before plunging his tongue between your folds, lapping over your clit as you bucked up against his mouth. Crying out his name as you screwed your eyes shut. Changbin chuckled against your core amused by the sounds you were letting out.

"You sound so good." He whispered to you as he continued pushing his tongue in and out of you, sucking on your clit whenever he wanted to. He laid your legs over his shoulders, pulling you to the edge of the bed to have better access to you.

"C-Changbin!" You gripped onto his black locks pushing him deeper into you as you began to feel dizzy from the feeling of him pleasuring you. Your toes were starting to cur as you felt your orgasm getting closer and closer with each flick of his tongue. Your mind was starting to go blank as he continued to fuck his tongue into you.

"C-Close." You whimpered as you looked down at him not knowing if he wanted you to cum on his tongue or not but the small pull on your waist as he stared into your eyes gave you all the confirmation you needed. He gripped onto your hips with one hand before pushing two fingers into you and began pumping them in and out of you. You screamed out as his name as your walls clenched around his digits tipping you closer to the edge.

"Fuck! C-Changbin please," You whimpered as you began to cry out his name, he continued with his thrusting fingers and he hummed against your core.

"F-Fuck!" You cried out as your cunt began to spasm out of control, clenching and unclenching around his fingers as your orgasm ripped through you. You were letting out loud desperate moans of his name as you bucked up into his mouth cumming on his fingers and tongue.

"Good girl," He whispered as he pulled his fingers from you, licking them clean as he kissed back up to your lips. Making out with you on the bed as he ground his hips down against your core, you wrapped your legs around his waist as you kissed him back.

"N-Need you," You whispered to him as you began pumping him in your hand between his legs, he looked at you nervously as reality began to set in. He had no condoms in the house since he'd not had any need for them the last couple of years.

"I-I'm on the pill and I'm clean," You whispered to him as though you could read his brain.

"M-Me too...N-Not that I'm on the pill that I'm clean-" You cut him off by kissing him again and giggling softly at how stuttery he was for someone who had just been eating you out like it was his last meal.

"Shh," You whispered to him as you began to line the head of his cock up with your entrance, running the tip over your core as you moaned out. He groaned out when he got himself wet with your juices,

"S-So fucking wet for me," He smirked going back to his previous attitude around you he continued to tease himself and you as he ran his cock over your opening.  Pushing his hips forward until he sunk all the way into you making you cry out in pleasure and tilt your head back. Every inch of him was filling you up, you could feel him at your hilt.

Once he knew you were adjusted to his size he began to slowly push in and out of you, holding onto your hips as he made out with you lovingly.

"Mmm f-fuck," You cried out as your eyes screwed shut. His hips began to pick up speed as you dug your nails into his back.

"Y-You can go faster," Panted as you pulled away from the kiss, biting down on his neck urging him to snap his hips in and out of you. He grunted lowly as he positioned his hands either side of your head giving you the full view of the arms you'd dreamt over. His cock felt incredible inside of you, slamming in and out as he continued to piston his hips vigorously. You felt complete there with him, with his cock filling you up and every moan of your name that fell from his lips.

"I-I've been dreaming of this since the day you came here," He admitted as he continued to thrust into you, kissing down your neck as he held dug his hands into the pillows.

"M-Me too," You whimpered back to him tilting your head so he could have better access to your neck.

You were squirming and crying underneath him with every thrust, your heels digging into his ass as you tried to get him deeper inside of you as if it was even possible. It already felt as though he was rearranging your guts, you knew it wouldn't be long until you were cumming again.

"So fucking good." You mewled out as you looked at him, stuttering out the words as you lost the ability to speak the pleasure inside of you making your brain go numb. Changbin smirked as he began to fuck into you harder, moving his hands to hold your hips down to give him more leverage. Gripping onto your skin as he slammed into you, your screams filled the air with the sounds of your skin slapping together and wetness.

"Changbin!" You screamed out, gripping onto his huge biceps as he continued to fuck into you. Only getting encouraged from your moans, he looked into your eyes and chuckled. He could see how close you were getting,

"Close?" He questioned as he continued to slam into you, leaning down to kiss you sweetly, you nodded at him and grunted into your neck when he felt you clench around him.

"Cum for me," He whispered as he began to slam into you once again. Causing you both to cry out as your walls contracted around him. The walls of your cunt squeezed around him tightly as you felt your orgasm rip through you, Changbin moaned out loudly as he continued to fuck you through it.

You moaned out again when you felt him twitch inside of you pushing himself into place as he came into you, holding onto your hips as you kiss his cheeks and nose.

"S-Shit," You both breathed out heavily as he pulled out of you and laid down beside you on the bed both of you panting as you began to giggle softly turning your head to look at him.

"I-If it wasn't obvious before...I like you a lot." You giggled at him and he moaned out at the cheesiness of it.

"I like you too," He whispered as he linked your hands together on the bed, bringing your hand up to his lips as he gently laid a small kiss on it.

Changbin fed you strawberries as you laid on the sofa, you were dressed in one of his flannel shirts while he wore some shorts around the house.

"Open," You parted your lips waiting for the fruit and he smiled bending down to kiss your lips gently when he placed the fruit into your mouth you made sure to suck on his fingers and smirk up at him.

"What?" You giggled innocently and he shook his head,

"The real question is, are you ready?" You frowned at what he meant,

"Ready for what?" He began leaning down to you and kissed your lips, running his hands between your thighs and chuckling.

"Round 2." He chuckled evilly as he pulled you into a deep kiss, discarding the strawberries onto the table as he pulled you up to sit on his lap.

Humming to yourself as you rolled over you expected to find Changbin laying in the sheets with you but you were met by a cold empty bed, the sheets were cold so he'd clearly been out of bed for some time. You let out a whine as you thought about the night before, gripping onto the sheets around your body as the memories came flooding back to you. Round 1,2...3..4..eventually ending at 8 when Changbin couldn't keep going on or keep up but now the bed was empty you were confused as to where he could be. There was no note by the nightstand and his clothes were gone so you just assumed he'd gone back to working out front so you decided to surprise him. You slipped out of the sheets and walked over to the shirt of his you'd been wearing the night before and slipped into it, along with some panties and a pair of your short heading for the stairs. If he was outside working you would just take him a morning cup of tea and greet him with a small kiss, nothing seemed more romantic than that right now. Apart from maybe having Changbin back in bed where he could hold you for longer, you already missed his touch and longed for him to have his arms around you again. 

"Morning, I made you a cup of tea..." You said to Changbin as you walked into the garage, he was covered in light blue paint, oil and sweat so he'd clearly been out here longer than you had originally thought. He was washing his hands on a towel when he came to face you, looking down at the towel instead of up at you.

"Why are you covered in paint?" You giggled as you handed him the warm mug of tea, taking in the appearance of his - what you assumed was originally a nice white tank top but now stained blue and black. He took the mug without looking at you and placed it down onto the table. He hadn't looked at you once which was starting to make you worry. 

"I erm...I finished the car." He mumbled to you, walking in the direction of the garage doors. You frowned wondering which car he was talking about when you noticed the blue colour that he was covered in matched the same colour as your car but, you hadn't asked him for a paint job.  

"Mine?" Your voice cracked as you questioned him. He began walking out of the garage nodding his head at you while he rooted through his pockets for something. You could hear all of the keys jingling around inside of there so he was probably looking for yours.

"I woke up at 2 am and I couldn't sleep so I just came and finished it. You can leave whenever you want." His voice was coming out cold as he spoke. You stared down at the floor he walked out without even so much as a glance at you, your heart was thumping against your chest. 

Had the previous night's events meant nothing to him or had they completely slipped his mind? You felt the pit in your stomach begin to grow as you thought about him wanting to leave even after the night before. He told you he liked you, you spent the night together, kissing hugging, making love and talking with one another until you finally fell asleep with your head on his chest. It had been all you could think about since the moment you woke up and now that he was just brushing it under the carpet as though it happened all of the time for him. You worried if that was all it was to him, nothing but a one-night stand for him to shake off and leave. You hoped it wasn't but the ground felt as though it was pulling you into it with each passing second he had his back to you without mentioning the night. 

"Do you want me to leave?" Your voice came out hoarse as you did your best not to cry right in front of him, the one thing you didn't want to do was influence his decision on letting you stay by your emotions. Changbin stared forward at your freshly painted car that was waiting for you to go of course he didn't want you to go. He wanted you to stay right here in his arms for as long as humanly possible but the thought of making you stay when you had so many plans to finish your road trip tore him apart. He didn't want to be the one to cut your dream short, he'd seen how happy and excited you were about the road trip, he wasn't going to be the one to ruin that.

"You have things to do. I have things to do." He said emotionlessly as he turned around to see you standing there in his shirt. His heart lept up at the sight of you in his clothes but then he noticed the tears welling up in your eyes as they began to turn red. 

"R-Right...Yeah." You stuttered out blinking the tears away as you stared down at the ground, brushing your face off with your hands. He came closer to you to give you the keys to your car you snatched them from him rather quickly so you wouldn't have to look at him any longer, 

"I'll pay you...T-Then grab my stuff." You mumbled to him as you felt your heart begin to ache with each passing moment he stared at you blankly. He pushed down the guilt he was feeling towards you all of the emotions he was feeling towards you and nodded his head. 

"Sure. I'll write up the receipts for everything. The paint job was free." He grumbled as he walked past you without batting an eyelid, only confirming to you that last night had meant nothing to him. Sighing to yourself you began walking back to the house as quickly as you could not turning to look at him. Changing out of his shirt and putting on your own clothes. 

Changbin stared down at his hands as he wrote down on the pieces of paper you would need for your insurance company, he couldn't help but feel awful for what he was doing to you but you deserved better than this. Better than him. He closed up the garage doors since it was closed for the day.

Felix: Get Y/n to come into the town when you've finished her car, I have cookies for her and you. It'll let her put the car to good use. Sighing to himself he locked his phone and looked over his shoulder, you were storming over to your car with tears gushing down your face. He already felt terrible for everything he was doing but he knew if he stopped you from leaving he would feel even worse. There was nothing worse on this planet than having your heart broken or your dreams cut short. Changbin had no idea that he was doing both of those with one swift action.

"Felix said he wants you to stop by town, he has some snacks," Changbin said as he brought over your receipt, you didn't say anything as you signed your details onto the form scribbling a signature along the bottom line and giving the pad back to him. Changbin frowned as he noticed it was yours and not some random insurance company that you were with. 

"What?" You questioned looking at the expression on his face as you shut the hood of your car, taking the keys round to the driver's side door and opening it.

"Insurance companies pay for repairs, not people..." He whispered as he looked from the papers and up to your face. 

"Not on mine. The car is too old." Your replies were coming out short and abrupt, Changbin didn't blame you since he was the reason you were upset in the first place. 

"So where are you going next on your road trip?" He was doing his best to come across pleasant but you pulled you shook your head at him. 

"Into town. Home. Can't afford the trip anymore and it seems like nothing is keeping me in Busan." You pushed yourself into the car avoiding eye contact with Changbin as you started up the engine resisting the temptation to tell him how great she sounded now. Changbin's heart fell into the pit of his stomach as he realised that you were just going to go home. Somewhere you had expressed multiple times that you didn't like and didn't want to go back to. 

"Can I go now? Is the paperwork okay?" You questioned as you stared at him, he nodded slowly and you began backing out of the drive, ignoring the urge inside of you to look at him before leaving. 

Changbin:: I fucked up. Make her come back, tell her she forgot something! Tell her to come back! Do something. Anything. You guys are good at lying! Changbin sent the text to the huge group chat that all of the boys were in and he panicked as he began to think of losing you forever. He didn't have a way of contacting you, your number wasn't on any of the paperwork just your name. He figured you would finish your road trip and move on but now that he knew you were just going to go back home he began to feel his heartbreak.

Changbin: Seriously this isn't a drill guys I need you to make her stay!!! He hit send followed by five of the siren emojis to show that this was an emergency and that they needed him t help fix this as soon as possible but none of them was replying to the messages. Just reading them without a word in response to him. 

Hyunjin was the first to see, followed by Felix and Chan who were no doubt together at the markets which meant they could do something to help out. Fear began to set in as Changbin wondered if he could race into town after you and talk to you himself but he needed to stay here, in case with some kind of miracle the boys convinced you to come back.

Two hours later Changbin was sitting in his living still waiting for a response from one of the boys when his phone finally began to ping his text notification sound. He hadn't been able to sit still since the moment you left the drive. He'd been pacing back and forth having arguments in his own head about how he should have just told you to stay in the first place, there was no need for him to push you away when all of the signs pointed to you wanting to stay in the first place.

Felix: She won't stay. Says she's heading into Seoul for a few hours to sightsee? Maybe you can catch her? That was all Changbin needed just a chance, he could get to Seoul within four hours and make this all up to you. Fix everything and prove to you that this wasn't just a one night stand to him that the whole thing had meant more to him that he was letting on. Racing over to the door he grabbed the keys for his truck and began to rush out of the door, dropping the keys five times before he finally got into the truck and started it up. He would get to Seoul in four hours or less even if it resulted in some kind of speeding ticket he didn't care. All he cared about was seeing you one last time even if you yelled at him or cried at him for what he was doing he wanted to see you. Convince you to stay in Busan, with him...for as long as you wanted to.

Dropping the keys onto the table Changbin wanted to scream out in frustration. He'd gone into the city to try and find you but it was impossible since he didn't have your number and you hadn't told the boys the exact places you were going to go. He'd gone to every possible tourist place he could think of but you were nowhere to be seen so he headed home in defeat. Ringing the boys to try and get answers but none of the boys were replying or calling him back. 

"Why the long face?" Changbin's heart jumped as he heard your voice come out of nowhere, you were standing in the kitchen pouring boiling water into eight different cups that were in front of you. He had been so lost in his own mind he hadn't even seen you walking around the house with the rest of the boys, all of them doing their own jobs in the kitchen and living room. As you poured out the water you turned to look at Felix,

"Lix can you get another mug?" You called out behind you but Changbin was just staring at you with wide eyes, trying to figure out if this was some kind of dream he was having but he didn't remember falling asleep. Maybe that he'd crashed on the way home and this was some kind of weird coma dream he was having about you. 

"Jesus, you look like you've seen a ghost mate." Chan sarcastically called out as he walked into the house from the back garden looking around for some oil and the plate of meat Jisung was supposed to be prepared. 

"What are you all doing here?" Changbin didn't mean for it to come out cold but he was confused as to what was going on around him, all of the boys were just chilling in the house. He stared at them all but his eyes went straight back to you as you looked up at him.

"I invited them over, I figured we could have a barbeque together. Chan brought his own, insisting it was better than the rust bucket you have sitting out there-" You mentioned as you walked over to Changbin, handing him the mug of tea as you smiled up at him.

"I agree by the way, why did you let it get so rusty?" You groaned at the thought of cooking food on something like that but Changbin stared at you as he shook his head, ignoring your question. 

"I thought you left." He whispered confusingly, discarding the mug onto the table beside him and cupping your face in his hands as though you were the only ones in the room together. He ran his thumbs under your eyes and licked his lips as he resisted the temptation to kiss you.

"I did, I went to the markets and Felix showed me your many...many...many texts," You whispered to him putting an emphasis on 'many' since it hadn't just been two that Changbin sent to them all. When the boys began reading and not replying to him he began writing out essays about how he felt about you. Leaving out no details about why he wanted you to stay and how he needed you to come back to him. 

"But I wanted to get back at you for making me feel bad...So I made them tell you I was out in the city while we came back here for this." You gestured around you as you looked around the boys who were all staring at you both waiting to see what would happen next. Changbin shook his head at you knowing he deserved a lot worse than just going into the city on a pointless goose chase. 

"I don't deserve you," He whispered as he looked down into your eyes, leaning forward to kiss you. His eyes fluttered shut along with yours as your lips were about to touch when Jeongin cleared his throat. Standing beside you as he held out a bowl of potato chips for you to take some from, tapping the sides of the glass dish as he waited patiently.

"Kind of...Having a moment here-" Changbin nodded between you both but you grabbed the chips and smiled up at him innocently, 

"I have to go and help cook. Go and change, you smell like oil and sweat." Tapping his chest playfully you headed out to the back yard where Chan was waiting for you to start grilling some meat with him. Felix smirked at Changbin who was staring off after you, only now did he realise you were back in the shirt from that morning. You had it tied around your midway as you paired it with some high waisted shorts, you looked amazing in anything but so much better in his clothes. 

"I like her, she makes you work for what you want." Felix chuckled as he passed Changbin to head towards the back yard turning back to look at Changbin who was still a little lost on everything happening, 

"She's right though, you stink." He called out right before going out of the door and greeting Chan and you with a hug. 

Later that night when the boys were all passed out asleep in their spots on the sofa and the floor you were in the kitchen cleaning up the dishes. You wanted them to rest while you did the washing up since most of this had been your idea. Changbin walked up behind you snaking his arms around your waist and putting his head in the crook of your neck. He could feel your pulse began to quick against his lips as he placed a small and innocent kiss on your skin. 

"I'm sorry," It was the first time he had said sorry to you for everything all night. You'd spoken to one another about other things but you never had enough privacy to talk about the one thing that was on his mind the one thing he needed to talk to you about. 

"I never should have pushed you away...It was wrong." He admitted, looking at you in the small mirror above the sink, your eyes met as you smiled softly at him telling him it was fine with your eyes. He placed another kiss on your neck and you bit down on your lip trying to concentrate on the dishes rather than the way his lips were making you feel. 

"I'm here now, aren't I?" You whispered to him as you drained the water from the sink turning around in his arms and wrapping yours around the back of his neck. He ignored the water trickling down the back of his shirt as he stared into your eyes. He had no idea how he was going to make up for what he'd done to you but, he was going to do whatever it took every day for the rest of his life if he had to.

"I never want you to leave again," He mumbled to you as he looked over at the boys, one of them was mumbling in their sleep as they turned over on the bed. Jisung snoring loudly, too loudly as though he was faking it so Changbin looked at you,

"Let's go somewhere we can talk privately." He pulled his arms away from your waist and took your hand into his, leading you up to the bedroom so you could talk without whispering or fear of being listened in on by some of the boys. 

Laying beside him on the bed you let your head lay on his chest listening to the way his heart thumped against his chest as he drew patterns into your skin with his fingers. Neither of you had said anything since coming up the stairs twenty minutes ago, you just laid together in a comfortable silence just listening to one another's breathing. Enjoying the company you gave one another.

"I never would have pushed you away if I'd have known you weren't going to go on your trip...I didn't want to be the reason you stopped your road trip or your dreams..." He broke the silence as he said the same thing he had told the boys over their messages. He knew you already knew all of this but he wanted to tell you face to face. He owed you that. 

"I pushed you away the first time because I was scared of what happened with Flair happening again...That night we spent together meant more to me than I could ever begin to tell you." His heart was beginning to beat faster as he told you everything that had been planning on his mind over the last couple of days. The truth spilling out of his lips like a tap that couldn't be shut off.

"Changbin you don't have to-"

"I want to." He stared down into your eyes as he sat you both up, sitting across from you as he stared back into your eyes. Crossing your legs you looked at him smiling weakly, you were getting tired from the night before and being up all day.

"For the first time in a long time, I've felt myself getting happier...To be honest for the last few days being with you has made me feel like I'm floating on a cloud." You laughed softly at the words he was using and he smiled, your laugh was like music to his ears he would listen to it all day if he could and would do anything to make you laugh. 

"When Flair interrupted that kiss at the market it made me realise just how much I liked you. Before I would drop everything and go running back to her but with you it's different. You've taken over my heart and you're the only one who runs it now." You looked at him, your eyes were starting to tear up as he spoke exactly what was going on in his mind.

"I got scared. I pushed you away but I promise never to do it again if you promise to stay?" You looked at him turning your head to the side as if you were going to challenge him on what he was saying to you. You licked your lips slowly,

"Make me stay." You whispered softly to him challenging him as the corners of your mouth turned up into a smirk, he smirked back at you. Cupping your face in his hands before bringing you into a loving kiss just like the one from the night before, running his thumbs over your face. Sparks came flying from your body as soon as he touched you and your mind went blank, you wrapped your arms around the back of his neck as you rose onto your knees to deepen the kiss with him. Falling down to lay on top of him on the mattress as you both made out, slowly letting one another remove each other's clothes until you were in nothing but your underwear. It was going to be the best new start in a new town you'd ever had, you couldn't wait to spend the rest of your life there with him.

Tagline: @taestannie​ @kneel-begyourpardon​ @channiewoo​ @minholuvs​ @lkwonmj​

#skz #skz x reader #skz imagine #skz imagines #skz smut #stray kids #stray kids x reader #stray kids imagine #stray kids imagines #stray kids smut #stray kids x you #stray kids x y/n #skz x you #skz x y/n #changbin #seo changbin #seo changbin x reader #seo changbin smug #changbin smut #chanbin x reader #changbin imagine #chanbin imagines #seo changbin imagine #seo changbin imagines #bang chan #lee know #lee minho #minho #hwang hyunjin #hyunjin

[bridgyrose]

Alright, time for the post that no one asked for! Which ship had more development between Bmblby and Blacksun!

Gonna preface a few things first: I dont particularly ship either ship, so I'm going to do this with as little bias as possible.

This is only over the first 3 volumes, so anything after the fall of Beacon isnt taken into consideration right now.

And the rules are as follows:

First, winking will not be considered. Since people keep saying a wink isnt inherently confirming of a relationship, I'll ignore any winks and judge the scenes based on the content.

Second, scenes will be judged by whether or not you could replace any character and still get the same effect. (the more you can replace, the better in my opinion)

And lastly, since I keep seeing this coming up as well, the only evidence I will consider for absolute confirmation is of any sort of kiss in the first 3 volumes. Although, its going to feel a bit rushed and out of nowhere since the first 3 volumes takes place over 4-6 months at best.

Without further ado... everything will be under the cut.

Starting with Vol 1, after re-watching, there really wasn't any build up to either ship. Which, doesnt surprise me considering that Sun doesnt show up until the end of Vol 1 and the entirety of that volume is centered around introducing the characters, the world in which they live, and just general ideas on what it's like being a huntsman academy. But there are still a few scenes to note in vol 1:

Initiation: Its a quick blur, but you can see Blake rush across the screen once we see Yang walking through the forest. At that point, its safe to assume that Blake had already made her choice on who she wanted, which is further implemented with Blake helping Yang out with an Ursa.

Its safe to assume that between talking with Ruby the night before and seeing hearing how what she thought of Yang didn't quite match her thoughts.

Our next scene comes to Sun and his infamous "slow-mo wink introduction." As per the rules, I'm ignoring the wink and going straight off the content of the scene itself. Which, doesnt leave much. We know he pinpoints Blake as a faunus very quickly and he has some sort of infatuation with her, but the scene alone doesnt give us much.

However, that one does lead into the end of the Vol: Blake runs off from her friends and takes her bow off to finally show us her ears. At which point, Sun comments that he knew she'd look better without it. So that already shows that 1) Sun definitely pinpointed Blake being a faunus early on, and 2) he wanted to talk to her and this provided the right opportunity. Or... so he thought. Especially since the next scene opens up with him half complaining that they've spent 2 days together and all she's done is make small talk.

Which is all pretty on par for Blake. She then spends the next bit talking about her past, how she was pretty much born into the White Fang, stayed with it after it went from peaceful protests to more anger filled, until leaving Adam just a few months ago. After all of this, Sun asks if she's told her friends, to which we can assume she answers no to, you know, since she ran. Overall, it ends up leading Sun into going a bit gung-ho about helping Blake with the White fang.

Overall, Vol 1 did well to start putting together dynamics between Blake and her friends. Sun and Yang both make different impressions on Blake, both of which she ends up seeing as friends... for now.

Vol 2, is a bit of a strange one. Our first introduction to Beacon is Sun basically telling Neptune how cool team RWBY is, emphasizing a bit on Blake. Which does end up bringing us to the meat of the first half of vol 2: Blake worrying over the White Fang. Now, because of this, we dont see any build up between Blake and Sun or Blake and Yang while they go around town to figure out what the White Fang and Torchwick are up to. Sun makes a good point that Blake shouldnt go to the rally alone, and the two pair off while Yang goes to the club with Neptune.

Once the dance arc comes along, that's where things take an interesting turn. Sun immediately asks a sleep deprived Blake to the dance, in probably the most awkward way since he's trying to say the dance is lame, but would be less lame if the two of them went together.

Sun definitely cares about Blake and actively tried to help her calm down a bit. Which, ultimately, she never says no, just that she doesnt have time for a dance. So, I give this one a +1 in points for build up.

Then, we get to the burning the candle speech. Which, a lot of people seem to write off as either pointless or not build up. Personally, it gets a +1 in points on build up for me on this. First, Yang is absolutely worried about her partner, seeing her go down the same path she did when she was much younger. She immediately starts by telling Blake that she doesnt want her to stop, just to slow down and take a breather. And she ultimately makes a strong point: slowing down isnt a luxury, its a necessity.

This also end s up being the first time we see Yang open up and drop the party girl demeanor that she's had. She talks about her mother, someone that she doesnt talk to many people about, and just how much it hurt her to find out that Raven left shortly after she was born.

After an emotionally charged discussion, we finally see the point that Yang had been trying to get Blake to see:

And it finally does work. Blake slows down, takes a rest, and ultimately enjoys herself at the dance. Which, in her own words, she technically goes with Sun.

Overall, the dance arc in general gives great build up to both ships. Which ultimately is the end for the Black Sun build up.

Bmblby doesnt get much more build up in vol 2, the only other notable scene being the campfire where Yang, Blake, and Weiss start opening up a bit more to each other to figure out why each of them are becoming huntresses. Which absolutely gives a bit more foundation to the friendships they have.

Vol 3 ends up having most of the build up between Blake and Yang. The first major scene being after Yang was disqualified for breaking Mercury's leg. When Yang finally asked her team if they trust her, Blake is the only one who doesnt immediately say yes, instead, saying she wants to. Leading us to this face from Yang:

(yes, I know, captions are a bit off, deal with it.)

But Yang ends up being distressed by her own partner saying that she wants to trust, but doesnt yet. Blake ultimately ends up opening up about Adam, telling us how she used to trust him... until accidents started piling up. Eventually, she looks at Yang and asks her to look her in the eye and tell her she didnt do anything wrong. When Yang does, Blake allows herself to trust Yang.

Which then brings us to the biggest piece of buildup between the two: Adam. When Adam shows up, he starts using words like "my darling", hammering in that at one point, the two had something going on. He decides immediately he wants to hurt Blake just like she hurt him by leaving. But what really hammers in Blake's feelings for Yang, is the fear she had on her face when she heard Yang's voice not so far away... and right where Adam can hear her. It doesnt take long for Adam to look down at Blake, notice the fear, and then look in the direction of Yang, ultimately stating that he'll destroy everything Blake loves, starting with her.

Now, I know a lot of people will dismiss that as "it could've been anyone. If Sun had shown up, it would've been the same." And honestly, yes, it would've. This moment here is what solidifies who Blake ultimately cares about. Had it been Sun to come around, no doubt she'd show the same fear. But it wasnt him. Instead, it was Yang, who immediately found Weiss and asked where Blake had gone. And we further see her feelings for Yang cemented by the way she blames herself that Yang got hurt. The way she stays close, gently reaches for Yang's hand, the emotion of the entire scene after they get to safety.

Sun does ultimately care about Blake, and helps out where he can, but at least in vol 3, he had his own priorities of making sure everyone could make it to safety.

TL;DR: Both ships had a bit of build up in vol 2 and 3, although, the build up that Bmblby had outweighs the buildup that Blacksun has. Blake definitely had feelings for both, but ultimately, it took until Adam was a threat for her to realize the feelings that she had for Yang, and even then, she still wasnt entirely sure what they were until later in the series. At this point, the only reason anyone can say that Bmblby has little build up is due to either a higher bar for f/f ships (because, lets face it, everyone takes the wink from vol 1 as absolute confirmation for blacksun because its m/f) or they continue to deny that sometimes, there are multiple ways to show buildup between two people for a relationship and the slowburn route usually takes an emotional route over a physical route. And look, Blake has two hands. Take that as you will.

#rwby #rwby analysis #the post no one asked for #blacksun #rwby bmblb #bumbleby #blake belladonna #yang xiao long #sun wukong

[yuzukult]

from home 02 || jjk & reader

title: from home pairing: jungkook x reader genre: richkid!jk, baker!reader, fakedating!au, fluff, angst, e2l, smut in future chapters word count: 8.1k+ prompt: jungkook is the youngest of five boys, the last in line to truly inherit any his parents’ money. but what if his mom suddenly cuts him off due to his current poor behavior and he’s forced to learn how it feels like to be part of the working class? a/n: ;n; wishing this was longer than i made it... please expect the next one to take a bit of time! but you never know. i’m unpredictable.

please let me know if you’re interested in being tagged! but also let me know if you want to be removed!  taglist: @scalubera​ @strugglingartistno16-2​

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Waking up on an unfolded futon is no comparison to a deluxe California King bed with pearly white satin sheets.

For one, it meant that he wasn’t actually on the futon itself rather on the floor instead. Jungkook has been having an exertion amount of time trying to not fall off the limited dimensions of his now mattress. In addition to that, even after going grocery shopping, he feels like he’s spending an endless amount of money on a daily just to keep his fridge stocked because every time he pulls that door open— there’s nothing in the fridge. How is that even possible?

At times like these, he missed the personal chef. Sure, he couldn’t remember the gentleman’s name, but he made a mean grilled cheese sandwich. Instead, Jungkook enjoys a sad and limp piece of string cheese for breakfast.

For once, he’s grateful that the distance from home to work is short, really being an approximate 10 minute walk, meaning that he didn’t need to take an Uber or possibly buy a car? How did poor people transport from one place to another? He thinks of you on his route to work; the things you yelled at him the night on Hoseok’s yacht, how he purely innocently asked if he could pay for your future endeavors and the reaction he pulled from you that could only be described to be full of resentment. You really didn’t like him.

True be told, the feeling of hatred is mutual.

Jungkook dreads coming into work, mostly because the sight of you is a constant and the current impression he has of you is that you’re just plain mean and bossy. He hates that whenever he’s in the midst of a task, you manage to always slide in to critique every action he performs. How old did you think he was? Some thirteen year old with an adult job? While at the end of the line at the cashier’s station, Jungkook places the bread at the bottom of the brown bag but before he’s ready to drop the jug of milk on top, you shove his hand away. “You’re going to flatten the bread if you do it like that. Heavier duty items are at the end of the pile. Lighter and fragile items on top.” He scowls. Or when he’s in the parking lot, while lost in his thoughts, he nearly propels one of the carts directly into a moving car, and surprisingly enough, you’re standing outside beside him, swooping in with your fingers wrapped around the handlebars with sweat dripping from your forehead while halting the motions. “You almost dented that guy’s car!” He wants to tell you ‘and so what?’ but he refrains from saying anything because when he turns to look at you, you’re already halfway down the lot, making your way back indoors.

Then when he’s stacking the canned goods on the shelves, you approach him from behind and tell him that he’s doing it incorrectly. “What’s wrong about putting stuff on shelves?” He asks, a hint of annoyance in his tone. “The labels aren’t facing out. How are the customers supposed to know what it is?”

“Turn the can around?” He says matter-of-factly. 

“Yeah, so do it.” 

When you walk away, he’s tempted to grab the canned corn he’s restocking and chuck it at the back of your head, but he holds himself back. This is for his mom, for the development of himself, to prove to his brothers that he wasn’t just some useless, spoiled kid. You didn’t believe in him anyway which is probably why you’re being so difficult— oh how he wished he could ask for a replacement trainer. So why waste his time trying to please you when he really just needs to sway his parents? The main goal is to get the money back into his pockets anyway.

Once finishing his list of tasks, he advances toward Hoseok who’s in the middle of mopping a spill in one of the aisles. Apparently, someone had dropped a jar of pickles, filling up the place with the stench of vinegar, scrunching up Jungkook’s nose. “Is she always this mean?”

Hoseok glances up from the pile of pickles on the ground, chin resting on the handle of the mop, discouraged to clean the mess. “Who?” 

Jungkook skims the area to confirm that the coast is clear before he whispers your name discreetly. “I feel like she’s looking over my shoulder 24/7. It’s like she’s out to get me. Maybe she wants to catch me doing something stupid and get me fired.”

Hoseok rolls his eyes in response before finally crouching down to throw the scattered pickles into the trash bin beside him. “No, she doesn’t. You’re her responsibility, so if any higher ups saw you fucking around or fucking up and find out that she’s the one who’s supposed to train you, she’d lose her job. She can’t afford that, Kook.” Jungkook sighs, observing Hoseok as he’s trying to gently pick up the piece of glass that’s drenched in the juices. “Well? Are you just going to stand there and watch after what I just told you? Help me!”

Abiding by instruction, Jungkook still sighs heavily, bending his knees to grab the pickles cautiously between his index finger and thumb. This is rancid, and the way his face contorts in disgust when he flings it into the trash can says it all. He can’t believe that he’s in this position right now when he could be sitting in the middle of a golf course on a Wednesday morning, enjoying his fifth glass of merlot, with a pretty girl by his side, complimenting him every time he swings his golf club. “I miss the rich life. I don’t know how you do this everyday. Is this even worth it for you?”

Shrugging his shoulders, he grabs the last piece of glass on the floor as Jungkook tosses a handful of pickles he grabbed previously. “I just didn’t want my parents controlling where the money was going anymore. And I got tired of being called a prodigal. I wanted to be someone who could do things themselves without having my parents giving me money.”

“But how could you hate that! Isn’t that their job as parents? Taking care of you, giving you more than you need? That includes money. We’re just lucky because our parents are rich.”

Standing up from his position, Hoseok brushes his hands off on his apron as Jungkook follows in suit. “But that’s what I mean. Do you hear yourself? The ‘we’re just lucky because our parents are rich’ thing is getting old. Don’t get me wrong, I want to be just as rich but I want to be wealthy myself, not because my parents gave me the means to be.”

Hoseok makes a point but not one that Jungkook can fully grasp onto. He understood where the older male was coming from, but truth be told, Jungkook still wanted his parents’ wealth in the end. Hoseok had dreams he was chasing, ones where cutting ties from his parents would be beneficial but to Jungkook, he didn’t have any aspirations of his own to obtain like that.

“Anyway, I digress. She means well. She needs this and that café job too. Her parents don’t have any type of money, if anything, she purposely cut herself off from them so that they wouldn’t have to pay for her. Moving back home is her personal embarrassment, just like how being kicked out of your home is yours.”

“So what am I supposed to do?”

Hoseok pulls his lips into a tight line, dropping the mop into the bucket to extract the vinegary liquid out. “Work with it. Be better than what she’s asking for. I learned a lot from her and I’m sure you can too. Who knows? Maybe she’ll pick a couple things from you along the way.”

That’s when he tests the waters.

For the past two hours, that’s exactly what Jungkook does. He tries. Harder than usual. When you walk by, he is especially polite to customers with the brightest smile his cheeks will allow. Or when he’s back to organizing cans on the shelves, he’s attempting to show all the labels, but you’re back, questioning why he’s even stacking cans with dents in them. Then there’s the time he’s standing at the station for the self-checkout... but he gets distracted while playing on his phone and you nearly smack the living shit out of him. 

“Why do you freaking hate me so much?” He exasperates, arms dropping at his sides from frustration. The shift is finally over, thank god, but he’s still on edge as to why you always have something to say, so he chases after you into the locker room. “All you do is attack me the entire day and it’s already difficult for me to adjust to being here.”

“Listen, I get it. It’s hard. Well, I don’t really get it because I’ve been working most of my life, but this is completely new territory for you. Regardless, you still have to learn how to do this, Jungkook. Your parents aren’t going to be supporting you anymore.” Wrong. Wrong because in his mind, his parents are going to welcome him with open arms when he proves his capabilities. This situation is only temporary. “So, I want to help you. If you really need anything, here’s my number. Call me.”

“Is this a way for you to get my number?” Jungkook raises a brow suggestively. Clicking your tongue, you circle back into your locker, grabbing your bag of items. “Trust me, you would’ve known if I wanted to get in your pants. Plus, I’m giving you my number, not asking for yours, dumbass.” Flinging a crumpled piece of paper at his forehead that so happens to have your number on it, he pouts after rubbing his head. “Rude.”

“Jungkook,” You’re speed walking out of the supermarket with Jungkook trailing behind you as quickly as he can keep up with. Did you run track before? “I really don’t want to hear your excuses about why you were snooping on me while I was changing my shirt.” He didn’t see you changing, he merely caught a glimpse, but even so, it was only a bit of your tummy that he saw.

Nonetheless, he knows you’re just joking because of the light laughter that escapes from your lips afterwards that sounds like the melody of his favorite song. Maybe you weren’t so bad after all. Maybe it was just a facade you had to put up at work most of the time. “I wasn’t—“ 

“Jungkook.” 

You freeze at the sound of his name; Jungkook’s reaction is delayed as he bumps into you from behind while his head turns to the voice. “Jungsik Hyung.” 

Jeon Jungsik. Also labeled as the 3rd child or middle son of the Jeon Family. He’s known to be the philanthropist, the humanitarian of the Jeons, donating his percentage of the earnings from his family’s corporation to a different charity each time he’s the headline of an article. Jungsik in person is even more handsome than the pictures you’ve googled online; simply breathtakingly beautiful just like his personality and heart. Undercut hair with a navy blue suit that compliments his figure, he has a clean appearance with a demeanor that is nothing more than a calm and gentle nature. Despite all the greatness he possessed, he unfortunately had to go through the loss of his late wife, who the doctors had discovered she had cancer, later choosing to spend her last days in Africa, teaching the children English.

You may have looked up the prettiest Jeon brother on every search engine on a random Tuesday night, sitting on the floor with your laptop perched on the coffee table, glass of moscato in hand. Dating a guy like him would be a dream— yet, there you were, getting shit-faced drunk on moscato with a mud mask that was hardening on your face. 

Your thoughts are interrupted at the tail end of Jungkook’s introduction between you and his brother, bowing abruptly at the realization. “... She works here. Currently occupied with training me.”

Jungsik grins, pearly whites blinding your eyes. “Admirable. Thank you for looking out for our little Kook. He’s not the best at working, so I figure he must’ve made things difficult for you.”

“Occasionally,” You joke, replicating the contagious smile on his face. “But don’t worry, Jungkook will get there. Once his training portion is over, I’m sure he’ll manage.” That’s not what you said at Hoseok’s yacht, is what he wants to say, but definitely not in front of the angelic brother. Jungsik chuckles deeply at your response, tips of his ears flushing pink at your interactions, and it makes Jungkook cringe.

“That’s great. I’m sure that you two have had a long day, so is there any way I can treat you guys to dinner?”

You can feel Jungkook’s hot breath down your neck, fuming with anger with smoke probably whistling out of his ears. “Why, why, why did you agree for us to have dinner with Jungsik? This is the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to me!” He whispers aggressively beside you but you only ignore his reaction by flipping another piece of pork on the grill. “And why the hell would you suggest coming to this dump? He said he would take us out to a five-star restaurant!”

Admittingly so, a Korean BBQ joint located in some-what of an alleyway is far from a fancy restaurant, but this place was good, your favorite, and why not introduce Jungsik and Jungkook to food that doesn’t need caviar for it to be considered delicious? 

Jungsik excused himself, looking kind of out of place in this low-ceiling location, but he forced a smile anyway before looking for the bathroom. “We can just tell him that we have to go or that you’re not feeling so well. He’ll let us make a run for it, trust me.”

You glance over at Jungkook. “You can do that. I’m staying.”

“But why!”

“Because he seems nice.” You’re adding more meat on the grill again. “Plus, I’m starving. I was going to come here anyway.” Jungkook pauses, watching as you casually maneuver the food with the prongs. “... You were going to eat alone?”

Dropping the prongs, you pick up your set of chopsticks to grab yourself a piece of kimchi. “Well, yeah. Who else am I supposed to eat with?” You shake your head, jumping back on topic. “If you want to leave, feel free. I’m still going to be here.”

“Hell no. I’m not leaving you with Jungsik hyung.”

Tilting your head with narrowed eyes, you blink. “What’s wrong with Jungsik? He’s literally an angel. Like I actually can’t believe that you guys are brothers.”

Jungkook chews on his bottom lip anxiously as if he’s holding back. “I just think he’s not a good guy. So I’ll stay.”

“Sorry I took so long,” Jungsik places his blazer on the seat beside him, rolling up the sleeves of his white button up. “I just needed to wash up. So... how long have you been working at my mother’s supermarket?”

You hum in thought, counting the months from when you first started. It was during University, possibly around the time you were starting your second year... “Probably around three years? And the café... maybe two? I think I’m approaching two.”

Jungsik’s mouth gaps open. “Wait, you work at my mother’s café as well?” Nodding in response, you place a couple of the meats onto Jungsik’s plate as Jungkook eyes you carefully. “Tuition doesn’t pay itself. And I plan to start a business one day, so two jobs is the only way to get to that finish line.”

“I—I offered to pay,” Jungkook interjects into the conversation, feeling like he’s the third wheel suddenly. “I told her she didn’t need to work the two jobs and I’d help her pay for the bakery.” That’s when Jungsik’s gaze meets Jungkook’s; his stare is unreadable and Jungkook can’t place a finger on what’s running through his mind. “Are you two... dating?”

“Why does everyone ask that?” 

“Well, Jungkook is offering to pay for your business,” Jungsik begins, watching the expression on his younger sibling’s face who reciprocates the action, “and he never does that.” He pauses for a moment before breaking the staring competition with Jungkook, fixating back onto you. “But then again, Jungkook spends the family’s money heedlessly, so that’s expected. I’m sure your business is legitimate, but Jungkook probably didn’t even do any research before gifting you that proposition. And I don’t really see Jungkook in a relationship, let alone someone like you, anyways. No offense. I think you’re great, hence why I don’t think he could even land you.”

Cheeks flushing pink, you dip your head. “Thanks.”

There it was. Even when in front of a stranger, Jungsik is just like his other brothers, shamelessly speaking about Jungkook in a condescending manner. Jungkook confesses that Jungsik’s hypothesis is right— Jungkook did exactly do all those things he listed, but that doesn’t mean anything. It was a kind gesture, one that he figured Jungsik would’ve done himself, and he couldn’t see what was wrong with the decisions he had made. You were passionate about a dream, realistic with the expectations, and had mutual friends with him. He felt like despite the constant bickering, he still trusted you. More than his own siblings, at least.

The silence between the three of you was swelling, tension predominantly between the two males, so you shatter that glass by placing some beef on Jungkook’s plate. “Try that.”

“... You want me to try that? I don’t eat regular grade beef.”

“Well kid, you do now because you can’t afford any of the kobe stuff. Come on, Jungkook, just give it a shot.” Grabbing a bed of lettuce, you place a piece of garlic, swipe of gochujang paste, and drop a slice of beef onto it before wrapping and bringing it close to his mouth. “Here, try it like this.”

Jungkook can feel it. The way Jungsik studies the actions between you and Jungkook was a test. Jungsik traveled far and wide, spent time in first and third world countries, eating things that Jungkook can only imagine of eating... well, he doesn’t want to imagine some of those things, but ultimately enough, he’s testing the waters. Jungsik would go home later that night, report this to the other four siblings and to his parents in the luxurious dining room where they’d have their meetings, which meant one thing: he had to eat this concoction that you’ve created.

You lift the lettuce wrap up, gesturing him to open wide. Slowly, he parts his lips, just enough for you to thrust it into his mouth as he winces, the juices from the meat spilling out from the sides. As you wipe the spill with a napkin, his eyes dilate with a sparkle. "Holy shit. That's good."

Jungsik lets go of a breath he's been holding. "I didn't think you'd actually eat that. Don't think I've seen you eat anything without caviar, gold flakes or truffles."

Jungkook turns to his older brother, cheeks full of the lettuce that you've fed him. "Well, you thought wrong. I'm different now, hyung, and it hasn't even been that long since I've left home."

"Correction, since mother kicked you out." He retorts, attention turning back onto you. "Anyway, thank you. This amount on my plate should be enough for me tonight as for I already had a very large dinner before stopping by the market. I'm going to have to leave after this— but feel free to order as much as you like, I'll keep my card on the tab."

"Oh," Face crimson, you wave your hands in front of you in disagreement, "Don't do that. I don't mind paying."

"No, no," Jungsik says, taking a mouthful of the meat into his mouth. "It's the least I could do since you're looking after my little brother. After all, he needs all the help he can get."

When Jungsik says goodbye and exits the store, Jungkook found it inevitable to ponder why his brother decided to come by anyway. Despite his common reputation of being the sweetest and most caring Jeon, he was known to be devious to those who were close to him, shady majority of the time, and every step he made had a reasoning behind it.

The moment Jungsik steps out of the restaurant, he spits out the chewed up beef behind the door, eyes meeting with Jungkook through the windows before a mischievous smile stretches from cheek to cheek. What was he up to?

Inhaling sharply, he shoves it under the rug for future thought. "Enjoying the food?"

"Mmm," You hum, cheeks full of rice and kimchi, an unrecognizable amount of joy written across your face. "So good. Definitely worth dealing with you and your brother's weird relationship. Is this what it's like with all of your siblings?" In spite of the grain of rice stuck to your chin, he oddly thinks this sight of you is... cute. 

"Usually. They aren't really fans and disagree with almost all of my life choices except for going to University. I graduated with all honors and on the Dean's List multiple times yet I'll never be up to their standards."

"Well, to be fair, those gossip magazines talked a lot about your scandals." You grab a napkin to wipe the area around your mouth and he suddenly misses the rice that rested on your face.

"What? A twenty-three year old guy can't sleep around? What's wrong with that?"

You shake your head in response, leaning back against the metal chair that begins to bring discomfort to your tailbone. "Nothing wrong with that, but your choices on who you decide to bed is definitely controllable. You keep luring in those rich girls who do nothing all day but spread rumors and make it their life goal to assure your life is a living hell." Tapping your fingers against the table, your lips purse up in thought before resting your arms beside your plate. "Wanna order some drinks? It's on your brother's tab and you seem like you need to loosen up a little."

Five shots of charm soju in, Jungkook's supple skin is flushed red. 

"I only sleep with those types of girls because I think they have somewhat potential in dating me. But in the end, they're all the same. So I just end the night with a quick bang and go home." Strangely enough, even with Jungkook's history with drinking, he's actually a lightweight. You'd think he had a better tolerance with his constant intake but you've been proven otherwise.

Eyes hooded and face pressed against the palm of his hand while his elbows rest against the wooden table, he hums to an unfamiliar tune. "I just want to get through this part of my life. Bring home someone who's steady, realistic, and liked by my entire family where they actually have hope in me again."

"You can, just don't bring any of those girls home again." Alcohol doesn't hit you as hard as Jungkook does, or at least, five shots doesn't, but you admit you're a bit tipsy. "I'm sure someone like that will fall for you. You're like... pretty and with money."

He scoffs. "Hoseok would frown at that response. He hates when people associate him with his parents' wealth. I don't understand it."

"It's like when your family thinks you're incapable of working hard. People think he's incapable of working, too. In this case, associate him with his parents' money, and for you, they just think you won't make it out here alive because of your choices. You're both on the path of proving yourselves competent." 

There's silence between the two of you, Jungkook deep in thought. 

If Hoseok was on the same route as he was, why was Hoseok's approach entirely different? Why didn't he feel the same drive and motivation as Hoseok does, and why does it make him believe that there was another way to solve this issue? Instead of trying to make enough money to move out, he could just feed off of his parents' money and use it towards something else, earn money off of that and spend that newly collected money that was now truly his. Which brings to question, how can he hit two birds with one stone? Both introduce his parents to someone who was totally out of his league yet loved by them and demonstrate his ability to work?

Bingo. The answer is sitting right there in front of him. You.

You were a hard-working middle class citizen. From juggling two jobs to being a graduate at some University, you knew what it felt like to be poor. You hated people who bathed in wealth, especially when it's claimed to not be their own and stood for your beliefs. If Jungkook brought you home to present to his parents, they'd be so jubilant that he could imagine his stubborn, stone-cold face father doing cartwheels, mother's cheeks in pain from all the grinning, and brothers looking defeated, envied erroneously. 

"Tell me a bit more about yourself, I feel like I don't really know you." There. If he studies you enough, maybe you'd be willing to jump in on his plan. After all, he still has to determine what he can offer you in this portion of his scheme to convince you to deceive his family, especially since you seemed to be fond of both Jungsik and his mother. "... Why are you suddenly interested?"

He shrugs. "I just wanna know. Where did you go to school, why did you choose a bakey, etcetera. If I'm going to be working with you, I should probably get to know you a bit better. Maybe I'll feel more inclined to cooperate." It was like in mere seconds, Jungkook wasn't intoxicated anymore— completely sober.

So you play his little game, it wouldn't hurt, right? "Got a scholarship to study abroad, so I was in New York for a couple years. Don’t get me wrong though, since it’s the US, it wasn’t a full scholarship, but I didn’t have any other opportunities that I wanted. Then graduated with a degree in Food Science. Then parents needed some money so I had to come back right after graduation and pick up a job at your mom's supermarket, paid off their debt and now I'm just trying to pay off mine. I also needed to put some sense to my degree and well... I loved baking in my free time. It was all I did when I was stressed from exams."

"You studied in New York?" If he wasn't sober a couple minutes ago, he was now.

You nod in response, finishing the last portion of pork that sits idly on your plate. "How old are you?"

"Twenty-two."

"But you started working at the market three years ago?" He asks, the space between his brows crinkle, trying to count the months in his head. He also takes note that he's older than you and that it'd come in handy later. "It doesn't make any sense."

"I finished high school early." The sizzle of the grill dies down, the ventilator shutting off from the lack of smoke. "I jumped a couple grades."

"A... couple grades. A couple grades, it doesn't sound like just 'a couple,' you literally graduated college at the age of what... fifteen?" He heaves, completely taken aback by this new information. "And then graduated college at eighteen? Yet you're working at a grocery store and some coffee shop when you could be running an entire company." 

"Well, when you say it like that—"

"Okay, I have a proposition for you. Let's date." You nearly choke on the water you're drinking. "What?"

"Fake date, really. Be my fake girlfriend. You're a year younger than me, got a college degree at eighteen with attainable aspirations that I could cater to once my parents give me access to their money again. The entirety of this conversation is only giving me more reasons to invest in our relationship, to invest in you, and it'll benefit me in return." You squint your eyes at him suspiciously, but he continues. "My mom already likes you. Jungsik even thinks you're too good for me and that there's no way that you'd ever date me. If you actually did, imagine the look on his face!"

"Jungkook," You sigh, running your fingers through your loosen strands of hair. "I don't know. This seems wrong, lying to your family. They only want the best for you."

"Absolutely not. My brothers want to see me fail. If you agree to do this, I can show you what I'm talking about." 

Hesitant, you nibble on the hardened dry skin on your lips, heart racing in uneasiness. "But you'd be giving up a lot. No more flings, no more getting wasted... you'd have to be completely serious and on board if you do this. It has to be convincing. But at the same time, how long and how are we going to keep this up?"

"Maybe until you get your shop up and running so that you're able to stabilize it yourself. I'm sure that wouldn't take long anyway, and it would be a great business deal if we go through with this. You'd be out of debt, starting your own bakery, all in a shorter span of time than intended. And all you have to do is come home with me to see my parents occasionally, attend some events, hold my hand, maybe exchange a couple kisses— but nothing out of your comfort zone though, I respect boundaries."

With how his hand gestures move, and how the ideas flow from his mind so effortlessly, you could've sworn that Jungkook was a con-artist. His words were a shell of plausibles and credibility— up to the point you had to tell yourself to stop and take a breather because all this material was starting to sound reasonable, and from your lack of experience with Jungkook, he wasn't the most reliable person you've met. "I'm going to have to think about this. As great as it sounds for me, it doesn't seem like much of a character development path for you."

"But it would," he asserts, putting emphasis in the way he speaks, "I'm investing in something I believe in. A business, one that I see potential in, in a person that I see potential in."

"Jungkook, you met me last week."

"Which is why it makes it even more impactful!" He exclaims, arms thrown in the air. "I know you hate me. But you have the qualities of what would help me get myself back into the estate. I'm not even sure if I'm written out of the will yet, and I'm praying that this whole 'changing' thing won't take so long that the idea is going to be thrown out the window." 

"I really don't hate you, I just want people like you to be more aware of what's going on in the real world. They all view the lives of people like me through a sheer shower curtain with diamonds and pearls wrapped around their bodies, laughing away. It's like you don't see the problems we face everyday."

"And as much as I don't want to do that, let that be part of the deal. Get one 'ignorant' rich guy out of that stereotypical pool, and teach me how to be better. Then, I'll also be on the road to being a more... empathetic and educated man."

Puffing up your cheeks, you look away for a brief moment. “I still want some time to think about this.”

“That’s fine. But also, one more thing.” You turn your gaze to fixate back onto him. “Yeah?”

“Don’t eat alone if you don’t have to. Call me, I’ll keep you company.”

"... So I asked her to be my fake girlfriend." Jungkook ends the story of how your ‘fake love’ blossomed under the fluorescent lighting and smoke from the grill at a barbecue shack hidden in an alleyway.

Hoseok's jaw drops to the floor. "W-What?" He stutters, appalled by Jungkook's proposal for you. How could Jungkook just bring up an arrangement like that so effortlessly? Without even a second thought? "And what did she say?"

"That she needs to think about it a little more."

He sighs of relief, pushing his hair back through his fingers. "Good. Because she has a horrible history with guys. It always seems to go down in flames. I could only imagine what it means if she dated you."

"It's a fake relationship, what could possibly go wrong?"

"You might fall in love with her. Or worse, she'll fall in love with you. Literally every fanfic and romance movie trope that has to do with fake dating. Plus, imagine if she fell in love with you." He shivers at the thought.

“What’s wrong with me? Why are you making it sound like it’s the worst thing ever if she even so likes me like that? I don’t even think she’ll fall for me anyway. The mere thought of me seems to disgust her.”

Grabbing another box of cereal to restock, he rolls his eyes. "You really don’t get it, do you? It’s more like... you're not going to be serious about her if she did. You don't even know what it means to be in a committed relationship, let alone know how to handle a fake one. If she falls in love with you, she's done for. Then her guy streak really is horrible. You’re putting her in a tough spot, Jeon."

Tearing open another cardbox box full of inventory, Jungkook frowns in thought. What if you did fall in love with him? How would he go about that? Would he still invest in your business then? Taking a moment to let the ideas sink in, he’s already decided. "I'd still invest in her." He concludes. "Isn't that part of the journey? Learning how to be professional? If she falls in love with me, I'll give her space. But I still believe in her business and her goals to open one."

"But you don't even know her," Hoseok reminds him, stopping in the midst of his actions. "She really needs this. If you so much have any doubt of leaving this plan, she'll be devastated. Everything that she has worked hard for has to be halted because she trusts you. You can't play with people's lives like that."

"It's just a business," Jungkook clarifies, but Hoseok shakes his head in dismissal. "This is her life's work, Jeon. Have you even really talked to her about this? You need to either call this off or have a written contract or something because you're not only diminishing her love life, but her dreams too. So really think about this."

Jungkook slouches, body barely standing up against the shelves. “She still has time to decide. Trust me, Hobi, if she does fall in love with me, I’ll take care of her and make sure that she’ll still be able to have the business.” Hoseok eyes Jungkook in disbelief. “You found out she’s younger than you, didn’t you? I can already hear it in your tone. Don’t overlook the age, she’s still lightyears of experience ahead of both of us combined.”

unknown [6:22PM]: so, what’s the verdict? unknown [6:23PM]: my fault, it’s jungkook.

Letting out a large exhale, you shut your lids, phone in the palm of your hand after viewing the texts, allowing your body to fall against the wall behind you.

It’s another late shift at the coffee shop, one that ends around 2am before the cycle of waking up for an additional eight hours at the Jeon market. Although the bags and dark circles that begin to reside underneath your eyes are evidence to your exhaustion, gradually taking a toll on your body. The days were getting shorter, nights stretching longer, and you weren’t sure when your next day off would even be.

Then the thoughts of your loans come to mind. There was another email sent to your mailbox, reading that the next bill was approaching and due soon, causing the weight on your shoulders to inflate. If only the figurative load built your muscles because then you’d be able to pick up a job on a construction site, possibly making a bit more money than you do now with both jobs combined.

You glance at Jungkook’s text again. 

The belief that you were independent goes out the window if you cave into Jungkook’s premise. You were practically selling your body at that point... but your personality was part of the package as well. Then there was the lying— you admit, being yourself around the Jeons was easy, but having to lie to them about dating Jungkook seemed... difficult. They were relatively smart people, what if they’re able to see right through your act? And what about Jungkook’s past? Would it continue to haunt you during the relationship?

For instance, what about the women he dated? Rephrase: slept with. There’s pretty much a guarantee that scandals would arise with the announcement that Jungkook was going steady with someone who wasn’t an aristocrat, a child of money. What about you stood out that Jungkook would fall for you to convince other people that you were good enough to be part of their world?

But you go back to your debt.

The biggest regret yet also your biggest accomplishment was going to college in New York.

The expansion of knowledge you were able to obtain during your years there was irreplaceable. If anything, really, it molded you to the person you are today. But at the same time, the debt was like a dark, rainy cloud that followed you around wherever you went. 

Having to plan your every expense week by week was draining. 

Declining meetings with friends because you couldn’t afford to pay for your portion of the meal, let alone for everyone else.

Jungsik offering to pay for dinner despite your inclination to decline and pay for yourself was a blessing. Veritably thankful that he didn’t take your ‘no’ as answer and left his credit card, if you were being completely honest, you wouldn’t have picked that location if you knew he wasn’t going to pay for it. It’s been a while since you were able to afford KBBQ.

You weren’t poor, no, or at least, you believed yourself not to be. Just... all your money seemed to go toward your debt and savings account for the bakery.

Feeling demoralized, you’re tempted to text Jungkook to let him know you’re surrendering, but he beats you to it.

unknown [6:30PM]: i just want to be able to help the both of us. you can lead the relationship, i’ll follow. i know how much your independence means to you, so... i’ll bottom. unknown [6:31PM]: be mine? you [6:31PM]: 🏳️ (white flag)

Sliding your phone back into the back pocket of your jeans, you make your way back behind the counter with two girls who studied at the university nearby, giggling and slapping each other’s arms elatedly. You’re slightly envious of their lighthearted laughter, wishing that you could do so freely without this heavy feeling in your chest, yet you push those feelings aside anyway, a smile tugging on the edges of your lips. “What are you two laughing about?”

“Jiwoo has a crush!” Injae exclaims, pushing the aforementioned girl to the side with a cackle. “She saw him working at the supermarket you worked at the other day and I swore I saw her staring at him in awe, a river of drool coming out of her mouth. Should’ve put a wet floor sign—“

“Injae!” Jiwoo whines, bottom lip jutting out. “Stop embarrassing me in front of Unnie. She probably thinks we’re immature.” Not really. You kind of wished you had a crush too. The butterflies in your stomach, hands palmy and cheeks flushed pink. Eagerness to see the person; each touched exchange making your heart race faster... “Who’s the guy?”

Injae glances over at you mischievously as you watch her prepare to get hit by Jiwoo. “Jeon Jungkook—” Slap slap slap. Injae’s arm is definitely going to be red tomorrow morning if not right now. But oh, Jungkook? The one you just agreed to date about 5 minutes ago over text?

“I think he has a girlfriend.” You respond uneasily, chewing on the nail of your thumb anxiously. “Who?”

“Hey,” The three of you turn to the customer, quickly straightening your postures and aprons until your eyes meet his, halting your breath. Jungkook has a knack for timing because there he stands, hair disheveled from probably rushing over, in a grey hoodie and baby blue jeans with tears at the knees. “What’s good here?” Yet his gaze doesn’t shift from you. Legs rooted into the ground, mouth parted in surprise, you finally shake yourself out of ice before clearing your throat. The girls seem to be just as stunned as you are because they haven’t moved an inch.

“Cold brew is my personal favorite. But if you want a safe option, americano is great too.” Logging into the iPad, you’re ready to tap in his order but grabs onto your wrist and you grimace. “Can we talk?”

“... You could just say that and not grab me, Jeon. Not everything has to be a K-Drama moment.” In all honesty, you were kind of embarrassed of the girls knowing your newly found relationship with Jungkook. He was definitely not your kind of guy, his brother Jungsik probably being closest to your ideal type and even the girls knew that.

Sitting by the window and across from Jungkook with your fingers tapping against the plastic cup with your cold brew inside, he continues to observe your face briefly while drinking a sip of the americano. You don’t even take a second to look at him, rather your attention is glued to the crescent moon out the window. “White flag? That’s all you can say?”

“How did you want me to respond?”

“Yes or no? Are you usually such a dry texter?” He rebuttals, prepared for anything you throw his way. He’s learning, you take note, because he usually just stands there dumbfounded whenever you’d shoot back with a response.

“Yes, it means yes, I surrender and I agree to your terms. We can date, I’ll be your girlfriend, you can be my boyfriend, blah blah.”

“Not my terms,” He says, rephrasing his text. “Your terms. You’re leading this relationship, I don’t want you to be uncomfortable just because I suggested the idea. I’m not a jackass, you know. I don’t even sleep with women who say no.”

“Are you supposed to get a ‘congrats’ or reward for that? Because that’s the bare minimum, Jeon.”

“You know what I mean,” He retorts back. “I respect women.”

“But lead them on and sleep with them even though you know that you don’t want a relationship with them but they want a relationship with you—“

“Now I have you.” Jungkook interrupts firmly. “I’m having a serious, committal relationship with you. No more of those girls anymore.” You nearly felt your heart swell out of your chest cavity but you remember that he’s just saying it to convince you to date him, despite the fact that you’ve already agreed to it.

“I don’t get where you’re going with this conversation. If you got the answer you wanted and expected to hear, I’m leaving. I’m still on the clock, you know.”

“Quit then.” You scoff at his swift resolution. He’s too impulsive. “I can’t just quit. I need the money.”

“I said I’d help you pay for those things, did you already forget? That’s what this arrangement is all about.” 

Rolling your eyes, you stand from your seat, snatching your drink along with you. “In case you forgot, you don’t have the money yet. I agreed to be your girlfriend, happy?” He looks like a puppy with his round eyes peering through his shaggy hair, grin stretching from cheek to cheek. “I am. This means you have to let me do boyfriend things for you.”

“Fine.” You respond through your gritted teeth. Truth be told, you want him out of the café as soon as possible because the college kids behind the counter were starting to whisper. “But you still have to treat this professionally when we’re at work.”

“Deal, love.” His teeth are peeking from his excitement. You squint your eyes at him. “Jungkook.” You warn.

“You’re at work, I’m not.”

You’re going to strangle him.

Walking out of the supermarket after another long night shift, you’re stuck between Jungkook and Hoseok as they exchange stories of parties they previously attended, emitting a sigh from you.

“Tired of our old shenanigans, baby?” Jungkook teases, tugging on the sleeve of your jacket. Hoseok shoots Jungkook a glare. “You’re going to die tonight if you keep that up, man. She’s scary when she’s mad.”

“Oh please. She likes it when I play around.” The innocent smile on his face makes you want to punch it in. “No,” Hoseok says, pulling Jungkook over to his side and looping his arm with yours. “She’s hungry. Let’s go tame this beast.”

Jungkook just stares.

The three of you are at a 24 hour convenience store just outside his house, three bowls of ramen prepped at the table while you all sit on the stools provided. “What’s this? How was it made so fast?”

“It’s ramen, dumbass,” You hiss, breaking the wooden chopsticks that Jungkook watches in reverence. “It’s literally called instant ramen. You’ve never had it before?”

“I’ve had ramen in Japan.”

“Oh, dude, you’re going to be so disappointed when you have this then.” Hoseok laughs then winces when you kick his shin underneath the table. Gesturing the bowl and Jungkook to Hoseok, he frowns, tearing the paper wrapping off the chopsticks and hands to the younger male. “Do what she just did. Break it.”

“Break... this? Chopsticks? Who invented these?”

“Does it matter?” You chime in. “Just break it. Hurry up, we’re trying to show you how this works so we can eat. Why are you acting like an alien? You’ve seen chopsticks before.”

“Well, honestly, at the Jeon estate, we only use—“

“Fuck what you use at the Jeon estate. We’re at the...” Turning to look at the sign above the store, you point to the logo. “... KTH 24 CONVENIENCE. They’re telling us to quickly break our chopsticks so we can go nomnom.” Rapidly, he attempts to snap the chopsticks, only for it to crack unevenly and you stifle a laugh.

“... Good try,” Hoseok shakes his head, tearing the rest of the lid off of the bowl. “Maybe you’ll be better next time. You’re stuck with your screw up now, but least you can still enjoy your shitty bowl of ramen noodles.”

Jungkook swallows. The sight of the noodles floating in soup that looks painfully diluted with water, the aroma from the bowl was still alluring. Stirring the soup, he finally picks up a portion with his wonky chopsticks, blowing on it before taking a bite.

It’s... actually not bad.

“How is it?” Your voice is calmer and much more soothing than it had been a minute ago, but he makes the assumption that it’s because you’ve finally gotten food in your stomach. He takes note of this for future reference. “Oddly enough, not bad. I kind of like it.”

“Well, get used to it. It’s cheap and efficient. You’re part of the broke squad now, Jungkook.”

Broke Squad. Feels nice to be part of something.

#jeon jungkook #jungkook #bts #bts smut #bts fanfic #jungkook x reader #jungkook smut #gyukultfics

[robininthelabyrinth]

Same River Twice (aka Time Travel Nie Bros) - part 4 - see ao3 or tumblr part 1, part 2, part 3

-

“You know what,” Nie Mingjue said, several shichen into the most awkward conversation he’d ever been forced to overhear in his life, “I think Wei Wuxian needs more friends.”

His father stopped contemplating the window with an expression that suggested he was considering throwing himself out of it and looked at him. “So you’ve mentioned before.”

“Yes, I know,” Nie Mingjue said, because he had in fact brought it up after Nie Huaisang’s no doubt unintentionally apt suggestion. “But on second thought, he needs them urgently. As does Huaisang. You don’t want them growing up barbaric and unsocialized, do you?”

His father mouthed the words ‘barbaric and unsocialized’ to himself, looking delighted. “By which you mean that you’d like to take them to visit the Lan sect, I assume?” he asked, not bothering to hide his amusement. “To learn good habits from them there?”

“To avoid learning bad habits here,” Nie Mingjue said. “Alternatively, you could always kick all of them out so that all of us can stop getting the loud and dramatic rendition of all the different types of bad decisions adults can make, courtesy of our friends in the Jiang sect and our new guest disciples.”

“…take Zonghui with you,” his father said. “Have a nice trip. Enjoy the quiet.”

There was a better than decent chance that he was being sarcastic, but Nie Mingjue wasn’t going to wait around long enough to find out – he saluted and turned to run away at once.

“Don’t get into too much trouble!” his father shouted after him.

That was ridiculous. What sort of trouble could Nie Mingjue get into in Gusu, of all places?

-

“Nie-gongzi, has anyone ever told you that you have really weird taste in rewards?” Nie Zonghui said, looking long-suffering as always.

Wei Wuxian, who was riding on his shoulders, craned his head down to look at him. “Rewards? What is Nie-da-ge getting rewarded for?”

“He performed especially well on his first ever night hunt,” Nie Zonghui told him, while Nie Mingjue flushed red and Nie Huaisang, who was riding on his shoulders, giggled. “His father wanted to reward him, and determined to do so by granting the first request he made.”

“He didn’t tell me he was planning on doing that,” Nie Mingjue hissed. If he had, he might’ve asked to visit Yunping City to collect Meng Yao – finding a reason to go there was much harder to achieve than arranging a simple visit to the Lan sect, which would’ve happened sooner or later anyway.

His thoughts hadn’t been focused on reward at all. He’d only really, truly desperately wanted to get away from any further discussion of Sect Leader Jiang’s sex life.

(Cangse Sanren was blunt and straightforward in her speech, something Nie Mingjue greatly appreciated right up until she was shouting things about size and shape and performance and also her husband…it was absolutely mortifying, even just as a spectator, except possibly Jiang Fengmian was into things like that because he just kept on arguing. In his past-future life, Nie Mingjue had had to sit across the table from Jiang Fengmian for years, and might yet have to do so again if he was not successful in adverting his father’s death, which was something he wouldn’t be able to if he kept hearing things like this! He didn’t want to know things like this!)

No, Nie Mingjue hadn’t thought about rewards at all – had already put away all thoughts of that particular night-hunt in favor of showing of his improvement with Baxia, who practically purred in his hands when he wielded her, so that he could win his independence sooner rather than later.

Even picking Gusu as their destination had been primarily motivated by seizing on the last place anyone had mentioned to him as a plausible destination that could be sold to his father.

Nie Huaisang had asked him, all big and wide-eyed and adorable, why they were going to somewhere as far away from the Unclean Realm as the Cloud Recesses, and Nie Mingjue had blamed Nie Huaisang’s suggestion of introducing Wei Wuxian to the Lan sect.

Nie Huaisang had also asked why they were going now and Nie Mingjue had explained in a rush of tangled words that sometimes grown-ups liked to talk about private things very loudly and maybe it would be better to leave them to it.

Nie Huaisang had found that dreadfully funny for some reason, giggling until both he and Wei Wuxian were rolling around on the ground laughing their heads off at the idea of going to Gusu –

Nie Mingjue didn’t care. As long as they went, and with them his excuse to go as well!

(Besides, it would be nice to see Lan Xichen.)

“Of course he didn’t tell you about it, Nie-gongzi,” Nie Zonghui said patiently. “It was meant to be a surprise. Wouldn’t have been much of a surprise if you knew about it, would it?”

Nie Mingjue sighed. Nie Zonghui was a half-generation above him – older than him by over a decade, entitling him (if only technically) to be called uncle rather than cousin, but young enough that he sometimes felt more like a peer. Certainly once Nie Mingjue himself had become sect leader, having someone like him to help figure out how to communicate with the elders had been priceless.

That didn’t mean he didn’t want to punch the man in the face on a regular basis.

Stupid sense of humor.

“Wouldn’t da-ge be happier if he could pick what he got?” Nie Huaisang asked. “What if he’d asked for something stupid, like a map?”

Nie Mingjue reached up to one of the legs currently dangling next to his ear and pinched him lightly, making his little brother squeak and then giggle again. He wasn’t sure why Nie Huaisang was still so worried about his offer to buy him a map – he hadn’t even known that the under-five age group could have a sense of financial economy, much less guilt over it, but then again he didn’t know much about kids that age anyway – but no matter what he wasn’t having any of it.

In this life, his brother would be happy for as long as Nie Mingjue could give him.

-

Of course, making Nie Huaisang happy would be easier if he wasn’t so picky.

“Didi, didi, it’s all right,” he said, trying to be soothing and not really remembering how. “You don’t need to be afraid - Lan Xichen is a friend…I’m sorry, Xichen, I really don’t know what’s gotten into him.”

“It’s no problem,” Lan Xichen said, looking exactly as one would expect a nine-year-old being addressed as a peer by a twelve-year-old that his guardian routinely praised as a role model would be – which was to say, a little pleased, a little uncertain, and mostly confused. The shrieking four-year-old wasn’t helping matters, either. “I don’t think I’ve done anything to offend him...?”

“You’re blind,” Nie Huaisang hissed at him, tears still streaming down his face. “Blind, blind, blind!”

“No, Huaisang,” Nie Mingjue said helplessly. He had no idea where Nie Huaisang got these ideas into his head, was it a feature of early childhood or something? “He’s not – look, the bandage is around his forehead, right? Not his eyes. And since when do you have something against blind people anyway?”

Nie Huaisang buried his face into his side. “Stupid da-ge.”

Nie Mingjue patted him on the back. “Sorry,” he said to Lan Xichen again. “This isn’t exactly the first impression I was hoping for.”

Lan Xichen abruptly grinned, looking for a moment like a regular child rather than the polite and reserved young man Nie Mingjue had known for so many years – it reminded him a little of the boy from the future timeline that he’d only seen brief glimpses of through the pieces of his soul that were attached to the pieces of his body, the loud and irreverent one called Lan Jingyi.

Back then he'd wondered abstractly how exactly such a boy could be related to the Lan clan, stately and elegant even when they acted radically, and now all of a sudden he saw that boy staring out of him from Lan Xichen’s immature face.

“Bet you thought you’d look a lot more dashing, didn’t you?” Lan Xichen asked merrily. “Flying in on your swords, jumping down for a perfect landing, and then – waaaaaaah!”

Nie Mingjue laughed, because it really had happened a bit like that.

“Don’t forget the domino effect,” he said wryly, glancing over at where Wei Wuxian was being plied with treats from a bag pulled from Nie Zonghui’s sleeve – he’d started sympathy crying when Nie Huaisang had inexplicably started wailing, and was having trouble stopping even though he admitted that nothing was actually wrong with him other than having feelings. “They’re probably just over-tired from the trip.”

“Did you really fly all the way from Qinghe?” Lan Xichen asked eagerly. “All by yourself?”

“We made a lot of stops –”

“But you were on your own sword, right? Just you?”

“It’s a saber and I was carrying Huaisang, but yes, in terms of who was in charge of propulsion, it was just me.”

Lan Xichen heaved a sigh full of obvious envy, and Nie Mingjue smiled. “If you want, I can petition your uncle that you act as my guide to the surrounding environs as well as the Cloud Recesses itself? He’d have to let you fly by yourself if that was the case.”

“Oh, would you?” Lan Xichen enthused. “That would be great! I’m not that good yet, but I’m not going to get good if I don’t have a chance to practice, except Uncle is always saying that – oh, wait, I’m not supposed to say –”

“Speaking of others behind their back is prohibited,” Nie Mingjue said solemnly, then cracked up at the dumbfounded expression on Lan Xichen’s face. “No, I’m sorry, I won’t quote your sect rules at you, I promise, it was just a joke…”

“You’d better!”

He rather liked this enthusiastic version of Lan Xichen, Nie Mingjue thought.

Even Nie Huaisang seemed to have gotten over his initial fright to start begrudgingly enjoying all of Lan Xichen’s chattering and bustling around – Nie Mingjue thought he might, given that Lan Xichen currently reminded him immensely of an extremely chatty blue-breasted quail and Nie Huaisang had always liked those. There was so much life in Lan Xichen, good humor and cheer filling him up until he was practically bursting with it; he hadn’t yet had to learn how to hold back his feelings and hide them, hadn’t yet learned that the only acceptable way to interact with others was through a carefully practiced smile.

Perhaps what was why Lan Xichen had been so drawn to Meng Yao, Nie Mingjue reflected – Meng Yao had hidden himself underneath a smile, too. Where he himself had admired Meng Yao for what he had thought was his strength of character, his ability to ignore the jibes and the slights he faced in favor of carrying on and doing what must be done, just as Nie Mingjue longed to be able to do, perhaps Lan Xichen had from the very first moment seen Meng Yao as someone in need of sympathy and affection. Perhaps it had been his own suffering projected onto Meng Yao’s open, facile face that had so tugged on his heartstrings.

It was a little odd, though.

It was a long time ago, but Nie Mingjue recalled meeting Lan Xichen when they were both quite young, and if he put his mind to thinking about it, he was pretty sure they would have met in about two years’ time – his fourteen to Lan Xichen’s eleven, with Nie Huaisang nearly six and Lan Wangji nearly seven. And yet the Lan Xichen he had met had been so very different from this, far more serious and reserved, quiet more often than not, that practiced smile already on his face and only with great reluctance melting into something real…

He wondered why there had been such a great change.

In the meantime, Nie Mingjue relieved Nie Zonghui of his duties on account of their safety – the older man had been to Gusu before for discussion conferences, and looked extremely bored – and took Nie Huaisang’s hand in one hand and Wei Wuxian’s in the other, and the three of them followed Lan Xichen around as he pointed out all the things he liked best.

Wei Wuxian broke away at one point and sped into the brush, shrieking something about a rabbit, and when they gave chase and found him again, he’d somehow bumped into Lan Wangji, who with his white clothing and solemn expression resembled nothing so much a bunny himself.

“Nie-da-ge, this is my friend!” Wei Wuxian hollered, even though they couldn’t have been talking for more than a few minutes before the rest of them caught up. “His name’s Lan Zhan! I’m keeping him forever!”

Nie Huaisang sniggered, and Nie Mingjue poked him – it was rude to laugh at other people’s earnestness.

“That’s nice, Wuxian,” he said, and formally saluted Lan Wangji, knowing how much the other boy liked rules and things being done right. “I’m pleased to meet you, Wangji. I hope we can be friends as well.”

Lan Wangji stared at him mutely for a long moment, and then his entire face slowly turned bright red as if he were boiling.

Nie Mingjue blinked, unsure about the reason for such an extreme reaction, but standing beside him Lan Xichen cackled. “Oh, oh, this is great,” he crowed. “Wait till I tell Mom!”

Lan Wangji attempted to bite him, which naturally made Wei Wuxian leap to his friend’s assistance, and somehow Nie Huaisang ended up wading into the fray with a stick that he waved around like a war-fan, seeking inexplicably to defend Lan Xichen despite having previously displayed no fondness for him at all.

Nie Mingjue waded in as well, of course, trying to separate them and somehow ending up as everyone’s target when they realized that he was strong enough to pick them all up and toss them (lightly) into the piles of soft grass that covered the meadow, even Lan Xichen, and at that point they all threw themselves at him eagerly in order to be throw back.

Nie Mingjue wasn’t really thinking about that, though. He was thinking about what Lan Xichen had said.

He was thinking about – Mom.

Not Nie Mingjue’s own, naturally. She’d been gone since he was younger than Nie Huaisang was now. Perhaps it was because Nie Mingjue had his father and his aunts and his uncles, but he had never really felt the lack of her all that much, except maybe when he needed to learn some etiquette he didn’t know or when his peers spoke fondly of their own mothers. Nor was he thinking of Nie Huaisang’s mother, who had been very nice and whose untimely death had upset him immensely; he honestly hadn’t thought of either of them in years and years by the time he’d died.

But rather, he thought about Lan Xichen’s mother – Lan Wangji’s mother –

Nie Mingjue hadn’t learned the story of her fate until much, much later in life, when he was very nearly an adult. The Lan sect had always kept their secrets very well, and he might never have learned the details if it hadn’t been for Lan Xichen willingly divulging them. He’d told him the whole awful story of how his mother had not loved his father even though he loved her, how she had killed someone dear to him, how he had married her to save her and gone into seclusion to punish himself, how the Lan sect, ever concerned with its face, had covered it all up by forcing her into permanent seclusion…

The story had never really sat right with him. A punishment was one thing, entirely justifiable; murder was murder, and life imprisonment was a valid sentence, a valid commutation of the death sentence that she probably ought to have received. It was not Nie Mingjue’s place to question how the Lan sect selected and imposed punishments…

And yet, something about it had always felt rotten.

Maybe it was only that the Nie sect didn’t believe in solitary imprisonment. Or, well, really solitary anything, with even seclusion being done in a relatively well-traveled area so that those inside could, if they wished, open a one-sided window to hear the noise and know that their family was around them. Even their tombs, their saber halls, were joined together into what was practically a necropolis – even in death, the Nie sect would rather be together than apart.

If he recalled correctly, Lan Xichen and Lan Wangji’s mother would soon be taken away from them for good. She’d died when Lan Xichen was – ten? Ten to Lan Wangji’s six, yes, that sounded right.

A year from now, then. Less, maybe.

“– xiongzhang is da-ge, not er-ge!”

“No, you don’t understand, my da-ge is older – and bigger – so he’s da-ge, and your xiongzhang is er-ge, and that means you’d be san-ge, and Wei-gege is – wait, which one of you is older?”

“Huaisang, it doesn’t work that way, we’re not the same family –”

“What are you even talking about?” Nie Mingjue asked, abruptly coming out of his thoughts. They’d continued playing while he daydreamed, and now Lan Xichen was perched on his back like a monkey, with Nie Huaisang on one of Nie Mingjue’s shoulder while Wei Wuxian hung off the other arm’s bicep and Lan Wangi clung to his neck in front like a sloth on a branch, as Nie Mingjue demonstrated that he could, in fact, keep walking with all of them attached. Every single one of them seemed to think this was the absolute height of entertainment. “Who’s related to what now? Huaisang, can’t you just call Xichen Xichen-ge or something?”

“Oh, fine. Xichen-gege! Xichen-gege!”

“Nie-didi! Nie-didi!”

“Too loud,” Lan Wangji sniffed.

“Didn’t you hear Lan Zhan?!” Wei Wuxian promptly hollered at the top of his lungs. “You’re all being too loud!”

“I’m going to throw each and every one of you into a pond,” Nie Mingjue said. “One by one, if I have to.”

“Do you promise?” Lan Xichen giggled in his ear. “That sounds like fun!”

“Actually,” Nie Mingjue said, “I had a different thought. How about we play hide-and-seek?”

-

The advantage of future knowledge, Nie Mingjue thought, was that he knew exactly where Madame Lan’s home was and how to get there within the time period he’d suggested for the initial hiding.

The disadvantage was that he was so focused on achieving his goal that he forgot that what implications might be taken from a twelve-year-old boy breaking into a woman’s home, especially at a time when she wasn’t expecting visitors.

“I’m so sorry!” he all but shrieked, covering his eyes even though he had already turned his back. “Please put on clothing!”

“Oh, your face –” Madame Lan was guffawing. “You’re so red – boy, you don’t have to throw yourself out the window in penance or anything. I’m still wearing my inner robe, you can’t even see anything.”

“It’s still inappropriate!”

“Could be worse. I could’ve been –”

“Please don’t finish that sentence,” he begged. “I swear I’m not actually doing this because I have a crush on you, so please, please, please don’t give me any details about what you do in the privacy of your own home, okay? And stop offering me your under-things! I don’t want them!”

“I was only doing laundry,” she said, almost crying with laughter. “I didn’t mean to throw my underwear at your face, it was really just the closest thing to hand…who are you, anyway? Shouldn’t you be introducing yourself to me?”

“I’ll introduce myself when you’re dressed and not a moment earlier.”

“Oh, all right, have it your way. Give me a moment.” There was some rustling. “All right, turn around.”

He peeked and sighed with relief: Madame Lan was, in fact, appropriately dressed in a lovely white silk dress, adorned with the typical Lan sect cloud embroidery and everything. The style was a little freer and less conservative than he might have expected to see the mistress of a Great Sect wearing, but then again he supposed she’d never actually had to do the work associated with it. It was hard to host a society party from seclusion…

“Qinghe Nie’s Nie Mingjue greets He Kexin, Madame Lan,” he said, saluting properly. “I’m a visitor to your sect.”

“I hadn’t realized that we were anticipating visitors from another Great Sect,” she remarked. “Normally there’s a great deal more hustle and bustle involved with preparing to receive a visit.”

“It’s an informal one,” Nie Mingjue explained. “Somewhat, uh, abrupt. We didn’t send word in advance. You see, we recently accepted Cangse Sanren and her husband as guest disciples, and shortly thereafter the Jiang sect paid us an unexpected visit…”

Madame Lan had clearly heard about that disaster, if the way she put her hand over her mouth in a futile attempt to stifle her chortling was any indication.

“I think I see the issue, being as I happen to remember Cangse Sanren very well,” she said, her eyes dancing. “What a troublemaker. She even shaved off Qiren-xiaoshuzi’s beard one time! I’m guessing based on the way you turned into a boiled crayfish that she scared you out of your own home?”

Nie Mingjue opened his mouth to protest, except, well, that wasn’t entirely inaccurate…

“What a charming little egg you are! You’re such a rotten liar that you can’t even do it to save face.”

“Being dishonest isn’t saving face,” Nie Mingjue said, even though his face felt like it was burning and he was probably just as red as she said he was. “The truth is what the truth is, that’s all. You’re not wrong, that’s more or less what happened – I brought Huaisang and Wuxian here so that we could get away from all the yelling.”

“You picked a good place for that,” Madame Lan said, and there was a dull look in her eye all of a sudden. Nothing like the liveliness from a few moments before. “There’s nowhere like the Cloud Recesses for quiet.”

Nie Mingjue bit his lip, not quite sure how to say what he wanted to say. Right up until that moment, she hadn’t seemed at all sick, the way he’d thought she’d be – less than a year before she died, from what he remembered of Lan Xichen’s stories. He’d assumed she’d already be ill with the early stages whatever it was that had eventually taken her from her sons.

But now, he didn’t think she was sick, not really, only…bored.

Dreadfully, horribly bored. The sort of bored that drained your life away bit by bit.

Formal training in swordsmanship and scholarship began at six at the Cloud Recesses, Nie Mingjue abruptly remembered. There were plenty of lessons prior to that, of course, but at age six they would become formalized, the children shifting over from the realm of babies to proper young-adults-to-be. Once Lan Wangji turned six, Madame Lan would have had nothing to look forward to in life.

Nothing, except for her children starting to drift further and further away from her: nothing to do, no purpose, no friends…

Just boredom.

“The Unclean Realm has a communal prison,” he blurted out, and then smacked his hands into his face to hide his shame for being such an inconsiderate ass. Why had he thought he could do this by himself?

He wasn’t even sure what he’d originally come here to accomplish, other than to let Madame Lan know that she ought to see a doctor sooner rather than later in the hopes that they would be able to catch and stymie whatever disease it had been that had killed her, except now of course Nie Mingjue understood that it was no disease at all.

“…what?” she said blankly.

It was too late to retreat, so Nie Mingjue gathered up every bit of courage he’d ever had and barreled onwards.

“I just mean,” he said, tripping over his words, “if you’d like to be – a bit less quiet. Even if your sentence is life imprisonment, surely you don’t have to necessarily serve it here, right?”

Madame Lan stared at him. His shoulders started creeping up to his ears.

“Actually,” she said abruptly, “I was never sentenced.”

He gaped at her. “You – what?”

“Qiren-xiaoshuzi pushed for it, said it was only fair that I knew the exact contours of my punishment, but the sect elders refused,” she explained. “They didn’t want to lose face by having a trial at all, not even privately.”

“But – but if you haven’t been sentenced, you can’t be imprisoned!”

“Is that so?” she asked, looking amused.

“You can’t,” Nie Mingjue insisted, horrified. “The laws of war say that someone can be executed on the spot for committing a crime, but in peacetime they have to be sentenced first even if you catch them red-handed. What if your accuser recants his accusation, whether because he was wrong or because he decided not to press charges? If they recant, you can’t be tried; if you can’t be tried, even if everyone knows you’ve done wrong, you still must be released. No trial, no sentence, no imprisonment!”

“Tell that to the Lan sect,” she said dryly. “Not even my husband could do more than he did to forestall my punishment, and he’s sect leader. Nominally, anyway.”

This did seem to be a problem of the Lan sect. Of all sects, really – he had his own share of old men causing issues and sticking their noses into things – but he’d never had anywhere near the problem with the sect elders as Lan Xichen had had with his Lan sect.

“Why should I?” Nie Mingjue asked, crossing his arms over his chest. “I don’t see why we have to tell them anything at all.”

-

“Why are we doing this?” Nie Huaisang asked, tugging on Nie Mingjue’s sleeve.

“I already explained,” Nie Mingjue said, which he had. He’d also explained that he’d run in there by accident while looking for a place to hide, and he’d tried to look as much like a stupid twelve-year-old as possible when he said it. “About the lack of a trial –”

Nie Huaisang tugged again. “Not that. Why are we rescuing her?”

“Because she might die if we don’t,” Nie Mingjue said. “She’s very bored in there all by herself.”

“So?”

“What do you mean, so? It’d make Xichen and Wangji sad if she died.”

“So?”

“So they shouldn’t be sad if they don’t have to be! I don’t want them to be sad because they lost a parent…don’t you remember being sad about your mom having died, Huaisang?”

“No,” Nie Huaisang said. “I had da-ge.”

Nie Mingjue sighed. He’d keep this conversation in mind for later when Nie Huaisang was old enough to actually understand the concept of death, and then he’d use it to torment him forever.

“Wouldn’t you be sad if da-ge died, then?” he asked, and felt Nie Huaisang’s hands abruptly clutch tight on his arms. “There you go. That’s why we’re doing this.”

Nie Huaisang nodded, but he was still scowling a little in his adorable childhood way, and Nie Mingjue thought for a second that he heard him murmuring something about inviting unnecessary trouble under his voice, but…whatever, it wasn’t important.

What was more important was that Lan Xichen had arrived with what Nie Mingjue had asked him to fetch for him, his cheeks bright pink with excitement. “Nie-da-ge,” he hissed even though there wasn’t anyone in the area, thrusting the package into Nie Mingjue’s arms. “I got it!”

“Good,” Nie Mingjue said, then paused. “Er, you don’t mind, do you?”

“Mind? Mind what?”

“That I’m kind of, uh, well – I mean, I’m kidnapping your mother. You won’t be able to see her as often as you do now if this works…”

“She’ll be free,” Lan Wangji, trailing behind Lan Xichen as always, said solemnly. Then he stuck his thumb in his mouth, which somewhat ruined the effect.

Wei Wuxian, who’d rushed over to stand next to him as soon as he’d seen him, hugged him tightly. “You’ll come over all the time,” he assured him. “My mom will like your mom, and we’ll all go outside and play all the time. We’ll be really happy!”

Lan Wangji sniffed and buried his face into Wei Wuxian’s shoulder.

“It’s like Wangji said,” Lan Xichen said. His eyes were intense. “She’s not happy here, she’s not free here, and we only see her once a month anyway – less, in the future, once we’re both busy with lessons all the time. If she can be free somewhere else…you will let us come visit, right?”

“As often as you’re allowed,” Nie Mingjue promised, as it was about all he could do. “I’ll talk to my father about it…”

His father would probably have a fit.

Still, this was an injustice. Even if his father disagreed, it was something he had to do. He’d justify it with reference to their sect principles, and take any punishment duty his father chose to impose.

“It doesn’t matter, he’ll agree,” he said firmly. “You’ll definitely be able to visit.”

“Can I raise an objection?” Nie Zonghui said mournfully from where he was hovering by the side of the clearing. “Possibly two – no, three objections.”

Nie Mingjue looked at him and tilted his head to the side in silent question.

“One, your father said not to get into trouble, if you’ll trouble yourself to remember back that far,” he said, raising a finger. “Two, how exactly do you plan to break the array keeping Madame Lan imprisoned? And three, even if you do break it, how do you plan to get her out?”

The first was irrelevant. The other two…

“We’re going to walk out the front gate,” Nie Mingjue said, and opened up the package Lan Xichen had gotten him – as he’d suspected, there had been spare robes for Qinghe Nie disciples left behind from the previous discussion conference, and sure enough the Lan sect had kept hold of them as a courtesy to the owners. “The Lan sect has never affirmatively stated that Madame Lan wasn’t allowed to leave; they just said she was too sickly to do so. Therefore, if we leave with a Nie sect disciple who is clearly capable of walking out, there’s nothing they can do to stop us without admitting that it’s her and that she’s a prisoner – which they won’t do, because then they’d lose face.”

“That barely counts as a plan,” Nie Zonghui said, and for some reason Nie Huaisang nodded in agreement. “But sadly I think it might actually work.”

Nie Huaisang looked betrayed.

“It will work,” Lan Xichen said. “Especially if you insist that she’s one of yours. They won’t be able to call you out without calling you a liar, and they wouldn’t want to do that. Not publicly, not about this.”

“Won’t there be a problem that she’s a girl wearing boy’s clothing?” Wei Wuxian asked, patting Lan Wangji’s head.

“No, that’s not a problem in Qinghe,” Nie Huaisang told him. “You’re new, so you’re not used to it, but it really isn’t. I mean, she could be misaligned or something, it’s not our business.”

“And we won’t be lying about her being one of ours,” Nie Mingjue said. “Since I’ve offered her sanctuary in our sect, it’s even technically true.”

Nie Zonghui sighed. “And if they ask Lan-gongzi and Lan-er-gongzi if she’s their mother?”

“Wangji won’t say anything,” Lan Xichen said at once. “And I’ll – I’ll lie if I have to.”

He was truly unbearably cute at this age.

Nie Zonghui appeared to be suffering from a similar problem, reaching over and patting him lightly on the head in helpless amusement. “Okay, okay. Let’s hope they don’t ask,” he said. “But – Nie-gongzi, we still have the second problem. How do you intend to get Madame Lan out of the imprisonment array?”

Nie Mingjue patted his cousin – who he knew from his future experience was one of the finest array breakers in their sect, a charming side-effect courtesy of his dual-wielded saber cultivation style – on the shoulder. “I intend to delegate.”

Nie Zonghui blinked, then glared. “I walked myself into that one, didn’t I?”

“You did,” Nie Mingjue said peaceably. “Can you break it? I can use Baxia, if it’ll help.”

“Hmph. Yes, it would help a great deal, but will she agree to consume an array for you? That’s fairly high-grade work, and talent or no talent, you’re still fairly new to mastering the saber.”

Nie Mingjue put his hand on Baxia’s blade, which felt warm and pleased. Practically purring. At some point he would need to investigate why she was so happy all the time – she’d never been this compliant in his first life, and he’d expected her to be more vicious, not less. “Yes, she’ll be happy to help.”

“Fine. Let’s go.” Nie Zonghui paused briefly. “Also, if your father asks, you held Baxia to my throat and made me do it. It was definitely not me being curious about whether or not I could break such a complicated array.”

“Of course it wasn’t,” Nie Mingjue said understandingly, and drew Baxia. “All right. Let’s go get ourselves banned from the Cloud Recesses.”

#mdzs #nie mingjue #nie huaisang #lan xichen #wei wuxian #lan wangji #nie zonghui #madame lan #my fic #my fics #time travel nie bros

[lucemferto]

WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT PH1LZA (or Why Philza is a Victim of Narrative Circumstance)

Heyo! Per request I am posting the script to my video of the same name here on tumblr. I must warn you that just reading the script will probably not give you the full experience, so I would encourage you to watch the video (linked above).

There might also still be a lot of grammatical errors in the text, because I don’t proofread.

Intro

LAST TIME ON LUCEM FERTO

Okay, so! I don’t want this to turn into a reaction channel OR a Dream SMP channel for that matter! [echo]

Well, I lied.

[Intro to “Luc is pretentious about the funny blockmen. Episode 2”]

I swear, I’m working on other stuff. It’s just that my dumb lizard brain has only capacity for one interest at a time!

So, something you might not know about me, is that I am on tumblr – who am I kidding, most of you will know me from tumblr. Before starting this whole YouTube thing, I thought that website died years ago – but as per usual reality proves me wrong. I’m also on Twitter and Reddit, but I get the most engagement on tumblr – by far! – and I need those sweet, sweet numbers for the serotonin!

Anyways, one of my favourite past-times on tumblr is to razz Philza Hardcore Minecraft – that’s his full name – for being a frankly awful father [clicking away] – wait, wait, no! Philza fans, this isn’t a hit piece on him, I promise! Please come back!

This is video is meant to be a companion piece to my previous video about Technoblade and the Doomsday event – you can tell by the shared nomenclature – so you should probably watch that one before you proceed. Unless you don’t want to, which is also perfectly understandable.

DISCLAIMER: This video is mostly about the character Philza plays on the Dream SMP. Whenever I talk about the content creator Philza, I will say so properly. Also, Spoiler Warning for Dream SMP Season 2.

… What is that? You’re wondering what the Dream SMP is? Well, if you had just watched the other video like I told you to do, you would know, because I explained it pretty well there. But in case you don’t know, here’s the cliff notes.

Dream SMP is the hottest New Media Series on Twitch right now! It has it all: gaslighting, child soldiers, Machiavellian political intrigue, Hamilton roleplay, desecration of the dead, shounen protagonists, SO! MUCH! AMNESIA! Filicide, furries, a red egg that’s definitely homophobic and teenagers inventing nuclear warfare. And it’s all done in Minecraft – yes, the funny block game where the only way to emote is to crouch.

And you say the perfect brief doesn’t exist!

Now, you might be wondering, why do I want to talk about this? Well, it’s because Content Creator Philza is one of least controversial internet personalities that I can think of. That man exudes pure comfort. So, it’s just very, very amusing to me that his character became one of the most controversial figures on the SMP, only outshone by Tommy and Technoblade.

And it’s not just amusing, it’s also extremely interesting! I want to dig deep to uncover and discuss the dynamics behind why that is. How did it come to this point? How did a man who appears genuinely so pleasant create a character that inspires so much discourse!

Now, if you watched that Technoblade video – like I told you to twice now! – you might know, that I am the resident character analyses hater of fandom! And that impression is false and slanderous! Don’t tell other people that I hate character analyses! I love them!

It’s just that, in the Dream SMP in particular, there is an abundance of character analyses! Every streamer has at least two very good essays written about them, exploring every possible angle to view their characters and backgrounds and everything. All I’m saying is: I don’t have anything to add on that front.

So, instead I want to pursue a different approach – something, that I feel is a bit underrepresented in the fandom! And I’m not just talking narrative analysis – that’s right, this episode we’re going even more pretentious! – I’m talking Transtextual Analysis!

Now, what is Transtextuality? Well, unfortunately it has very little to do with actual Trans people – #transrights, just in case that wasn’t obvious – but instead describes a mode of analysis with which to put – to quote French literary theorist Gérard Genette – “the text in a relationship, whether obvious or concealed, with other texts”.

Basically, you know how the L’Manburg War of Independence heavily quotes and borrows from the hit musical Hamilton? That’s transtextuality! A lot of the analyses surrounding how Tommy mirrors the Greek hero Theseus, who was invoked by Technoblade multiple times in the series, are already doing transtextual analysis! So, it’s really not something that’s new to the Dream SMP fandom.

But how does this apply to Philza and how he is looked at and judged by his parental skills? Well, there are multiple forms of transtextuality, two of which we will discuss today.

But before we continue, I gotta do that annoying YouTuber thing. I know these videos don’t look like much, but I spend a really long time making them. I work fulltime and I try my best to keep up, but sometimes I can’t. So please, like, subscribe, comment to give me some algorithm juice – I really need it – and most importantly share it! Share it with your friends, share it with your family – I’m sure Grandma is very interested in what I have to say about Philza Minecraft.

And I’m trying to be better! If I sound at all different for this video, it’s because I finally bought a new pop filter, so I can hit my plosives without it sounding like there’s a thunderstorm in my room. I hope it makes a difference; it was a very cheap pop filter, so maybe it doesn’t. Maybe it sounds worse – that would be bad!

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, CHILD NEGLEGT!

 Intertextuality: Why is Dadza?

You know what’s really interesting about the Dream SMP – aside from, you know, most things about it? Very few of the characters have concrete, fleshed-out backstories – and that’s pretty weird! In no other medium or genre could you get away with something like that – at least for long-form storytelling!

So, how does Dream SMP get away with this? Well, it’s because every character on the Dream SMP is basically a self-insert – and I don’t mean that in the “This character is based on me”-kinda way, but in the “This character, for all intents and purposes, is me!”-way. This, like many things that are fascinating about the Dream SMP, is owed to the fact that this series didn’t start off as a continuous drama – it started off as a Let’s Play.

And while we can talk about how someone’s on-camera/on-mic persona is in some ways a character, it’s still miles off of being an actual, fully-realized, separate character in a storyline.

This is where Intertextuality comes in.

Intertextuality is a subset of Transtextuality. It describes how the hypertext, which is the text, you’re currently engaged with, uses another text, the hypotext, to supplement itself. The interconnection the hypertext establishes with the hypotext, through stuff like allusion for example, uh-hum [Hamilton], can colour how an audience interprets the hypertext. Basically, Hamilton and Theseus are the hypotexts; the Dream SMP is the hypertext.

So, what does this have to do with backstory? Simple: The backstories of the characters in the Dream SMP consist basically of nothing but intertextual references. Through intertextuality their content effectively substitutes their character’s backstory.

You can see it everywhere. Wilbur’s and Schlatt’s relationship and rivalry is hugely enriched, if you are aware of their shared history like SMPLive, for example – I think anyway. I haven’t watched SMPLive, because … there’s only so many hours in the day and I cannot keep up with the Dream SMP and catch up on SMPLive and live a healthy life – which I already don’t do, so…

BadBoyHalo’s and Skeppy’s relationship, which has become the crux of the Crimson-Storyline of Seasons 2 and 3, is hugely supplemented if you know that they’re also very close as streamers and in real life.

Another great example of intertextuality is basically Technoblade’s entire deal. If you just look at him completely within the text of the Dream SMP and try to transplant his entrance to any other medium: It would be extremely weird! Like, he’s just this guy that comes in in the middle of a very climatic arc, no build-up, no explanation what his deal is, and he’s treated like he has always been there. In any other medium that just wouldn’t work – at least not without a flashback or some sort of exposition!

But because of stuff like Minecraft Mondays, the Potato Wars, his Duel against Dream and SMPEarth, we understand that he is a Big Deal!

Anyways, to bring all of this back to Philza Minecraft: What kind of hypotext informs how the audience sees his character? Well, this is where I will have to talk about SBI.

SBI is an acronym that stand for State Bank of India, the 43rd largest bank in the world and…

It also stands for Sleepy Bois Incorporated. Sleepy Bois Incorporated is a loose assembly of content creators, consisting of Philza, Wilbur Soot, TommyInnit and Technoblade. It is most well-known for its very endearing family dynamic – a dynamic that is frequently acknowledged and played up by the creators involved. Tommy is the youngest brother, Wilbur and Techno are the two older brothers and Philza is of course the dad. And when I say, it’s played up, I really mean it! Wilbur seems to be especially enamoured with the idea and leaves no opportunity untaken to bring it up – which we will come back to.

And I’m not saying that they’re faking this and this is somehow an act. While I know none of these people personally, it appears to me, that this is genuinely how they interact – if a little exaggerated for the streaming experience. Even when they’re not consciously playing into the family dynamic, their interactions still very much lend themselves to that interpretation by the viewers.

Philza especially just radiates Dad-Friend energy – so much so that it has become a huge part of his brand identity – yay, I can bring that back (check out my Christmas video if you want to hear me ramble about that). The nickname Dadza stuck even before SBI was a thing.

So, even if we completely disregard SBI – which we shouldn’t for reasons I’ll get back to – Philza has cultivated an image of strong paternal guidance. He is, in my opinion completely deservedly, regarded very positively. He is highly respected and in turn seen as a voice of reason.

All of this would eventually inform the hypotext of the character Philza within Dream SMP.

 Interlude: Before Dadza & November 16th

Okay, so now we have established that a) Dream SMP heavily hinges on intertextual readings by the audience to supplement character backstory and b) that Philza’s entire deal is that he’s the dad-friend – more specifically that he’s the dad of SBI (not the bank). I think you know where this is going.

So, yeah, ever since it was on the table that Philza could join the Dream SMP, it was immediately assumed that he would take on the paternal guardian role all these traumatized people on that server so desperately needed – and with good reason! Like I said before, the audience at this point was trained to take intertextual interpretations as basically canon or at the very least canon-adjacent.

I want to emphasize that this is most likely not done deliberately. I’m sure content creators Wilbur and Philza didn’t sit there and said: “Yes! We will rely entirely on the audience’s inclination to interpret our characters intertextually to define character Philza!”. Like, obviously that did not happen.

But it’s also important to remember that unlike with traditional media and the fanbases cultivated there, the separation between the Dream SMP and its audience is almost non-existent – and purposely so. The story events are streamed live, Chats are acknowledged in canon and even outside of livestreams creators are extremely involved with the fandom. So, the weight of fan-expectations is equally amplified and will more likely be incorporated into the writing process. Case in point:

[Wilbur “I miss Philza”/Philza about Wilbur]

During Wilbur’s villain arc, even before his official involvement, Philza became a prevalent point of discussion. The hope that he would be the one to snap Wilbur out of his downward spiral was not only wish-fulfilment on behalf of the fans; it also very much played off of the intertextual reading of the SBI-dynamic in relation to the Dream SMP.

Of course, this still doesn’t make Philza and Wilbur canonically blood-related – but it definitely used the “paternal”-dynamic of SBI to build-up tension and drama.

And that ultimately brings us to November 16th. The Grand Finale of Season 1 and Philza’s first canonical appearance on the SMP.

Now, for this I want to pull back from the transtextual analysis and talk about simply narrative analysis: What is Philza’s narrative purpose on November 16th?

Philza serves as the last threshold on Wilbur’s Villain’s Journey – to appropriate Vogler’s version of the monomyth for a minute here – he is what Vogler calls the “Threshold Guardian”. He is the last enemy the Hero faces before completing his quest – in this particular case Wilbur’s quest is to blow up L’Manberg. Multiple people have at this point tried to dissuade him from this course of action: Tommy, Quackity, Niki and others. So how come this Philza moment is not redundant in terms of dynamics compared to these prior scenes?

Well, it’s through our intertextual understanding of Wilbur’s and Phil’s relationship. Because Philza does not just occupy the role of the Threshold Guardian – he is also implicitly the Mentor. Before Phil there was no character in the storyline that held a higher position of moral authority than Wilbur – Dream and Schlatt, while at points more powerful in terms of actual authority, were never positioned by the narrative as Wilbur’s superiors in the same way as Wilbur was to Tommy, Tubbo or even Niki.

Before November 16th all challenges Wilbur faced were from people narratively subordinated to him. But that trend is broken with Phil. That is why he is the Threshold Guardian, why this confrontation is at the climax of Wilbur’s arc. Because Phil is the last thing tethering Wilbur to whatever morality he held before his villain arc; Phil is the last, moral obstacle Wilbur has to discard before gaining his reward.

And, just a quick sidenote, because I’ve seen it around the fandom a bunch: When I’m referring to Wilbur denouncing his morality, I’m using that in terms of narrative analysis. I’m mentioning it, because Wilbur’s character can very easily be read as mentally ill or neurodivergent and some people have – rightly! – pointed out that the excessive vilifying when talking about his character is … problematic, to say the least.

So, I just want to make clear, this isn’t a character analysis, I’m being purposely broad when talking about Wilbur and Phil.

In the end, Wilbur takes that final step and gets his “reward”: As his final request his mentor takes his life and vanquishes the evil – the dragon of Wilbur’s story slays the dragon of L’Manburg. It’s very Shakespearean in its tragedy – but beyond the larger theatrics it’s not really used to further characterize Phil – at least in the context of Season 1. There’s not a lot of focus on his characters internal conflict during November 16th.

Phil, like Techno, is very utilitarian in how content creator Wilbur writes him: He serves as a moment of hype; an obstacle Wilbur has to face; a participant in the tragic climax of Wilbur’s character and ultimately takes on his implicit and expected role of mentor and guiding figure to the rest of L’Manburg.

I think not a lot of people talk about how Philza does not join Technoblade during November 16th. He takes the side of L’Manburg – he fights against the withers and he joins Tommy, Tubbo and the others at the L’Mantree, thus framing him as loyal to the L’Manburg administration – even though Season 2 would make his loyalty to Techno central to his character. But more on that later.

What’s also important about November 16th is that this is the day when the general intertextual interpretation became canonized text.

[You’re my son!]

Wilbur is made Phil’s canonical, biological son. The intertextual interpretation of SBI as it pertains to these two characters on the SMP was completely reinforced by the narrative. Or to put it in Fandom terms: The headcanon became actual canon. At least when it came to Wilbur … but what about Philza’s “other” children?

Well, that leads to our second form of transtextual analysis:

 Paratextuality: Is Dadza?

These titles are just getting better and better.

The Paratext is defined as all those things in a published work that accompany the text. It comes in two forms: One of them is the Peritext, which are non-diegetic elements directly surrounding the text – like chapter titles, author’s notes, and stuff like that. Translated to the medium of the Dream SMP, it would be stuff like this:

[Examples]

And, trust me, I could make a whole separate video about how people on the SMP use their peritext as a tool for storytelling – I’m looking at you, Ranboo – but that’s not what we will talk about in the context of Dadza.

Instead, we will focus on the second form of Paratext, the Epitext, which consists of all authorial and editorial discussions taking place outside of the text. That’s stuff like interviews, private letters or J. K. Rowling’s Twitter Account – you know, before she decided to become a full-time asshole.

[Wilbur: Transrights]

After Season 1 ended, Wilbur indulged pretty heavily in providing epitext for the Dream SMP, something he had not done prior to November 16th. His paratextual additions ranged from the playful, like assigning DnD alignments to various SMP members, to the extremely impactful, like the whole three lives system!

You probably think, you know where this is going. Wilbur provided some epitext about how Tommy and Techno either are or are not biologically related to him … and I have to be honest I thought that too. But then I began looking into the impenetrable web that is the SBI-canon on the Dream SMP and found this!

[Ghostbur explains family]

So, it wasn’t paratext, it was just straight text. Said in character, in canon, without any implication that we the viewers should question this. The text of the SBI family dynamic was explicitly linked to Dream SMP-exclusive lore, namely Fundy being Wilbur’s and Sally the Salmon’s son. This is as clear as Philza’s anguished declaration on November 16th in establishing the intertext as text. And because Wilbur also had a very heavy hand in the discussion of paratext around that time, it gave his character’s words even more “canonical” weight. Metatextually speaking, this very much read like the author giving exposition through his character – exposition that we should understand as reliable.

And, by the way, before I continue, I need to give a huge, huge shoutout to kateis-cakeis on tumblr, I hope I pronounced that right, who was just so quick in providing me with these crucial clips. Without him I would have looked for days because these people don’t archive their shit! And the Dream SMP Wiki was NO help, by the way! I love what you guys do, but stuff like this belongs in the Trivia section on characters’ pages!

Anyways, basically during the entirety of early Season 2 the SBI family dynamic was basically canon to the SMP. Sometimes it was only alluded implicitly, again letting the intertext fill out the rest.

[Philza clips]

But just as often it was just explicitly talked about – both in the text and in the paratext.

[Fundy clip/Wilbur “Twins” clip/Tommy clip]

So, I know what you’re thinking: “Why is this part called paratext, if the entire family tree is just textual”. Well, that last clip might give you a hint, as to what I will talk about. Notice how Tommy, one of the people most directly impacted by the canonization of SBI lore, is both unaware of and seems generally unenthused about it, to put it nicely? Well, that would soon turn out to be a much bigger deal than anyone could have imagined as he wasn’t the only one.

[Technoblade decanonizes SBI]

Yeah …

This happened on 20th of December. Regular viewers of this channel will remember that I put out a 90-second joke video, where I complain about this very development. And while I was mostly kidding around, the core idea is still true. The paratext provided by Technoblade and established text were in direct contradiction with one another – and that brought a lot of confusion into the fandom. Confusion, that would soon be followed by frustration.

Because Techno only decanonized himself as part of the SBI family dynamic – but what about Tommy and Tubbo, the latter of which was incorporated into the dynamic exclusively within the lore of the Dream SMP. Was this still canon or wasn’t it?

What followed was a muddled mess of contradictions, intertextual implications, text and paratext in conflict with each another. It was for the most part inscrutable to figure out how Tommy and Philza related to one another. I’ll spare you every comment made about this – mostly because I want to spare myself from looking for all of them.

In the end, the current status is that their familial relationship is … unclear. Philza said, again in paratext, that it’s ultimately up to the writers to decide, whether or not Tommy is his son … which, I personally think he and Tommy should be the ones to establish that, but I’ll come back to that later.

But why is all of this important anyway? Why would this ambiguity create such an uproar, such controversy – especially when it comes to Tommy’s character? What makes Tommy’s and Philza’s relationship such a target for discussion in the fandom?

Well … this is where we will have to talk about the storyline of Season 2.

Interlude II: Tommy’s Exile and Dadza in Season 2

Okay, Season 2. This is where the spoilers are, so I will just sneakily drop this again. It took me five seconds to google this gif and I will milk it for every penny it’s worth!

At the beginning of Season 2, Philza’s narrative role has not changed much from where Season 1 ended. He is in L’Manburg dispensing earthly wisdom, being a paternal figure to Fundy, Ghostbur and Tubbo, helping with the nation’s rebuilding efforts; just generally occupying the role of the mentor.

[clips]

And then came … the Exile. The Exile Arc took place between December 3rd and December 15th during Season 2 of the Dream SMP. It revolves around TommyInnit getting exiled from L’Manburg and slowly getting psychologically tortured and broken down by Dream. It’s a really great arc, at least in my opinion, that explores and deepens a lot of Tommy’s character relationships, whether that be Tommy and Dream, Tommy and Tubbo or Tommy and Ranboo. One relationship, however, is noticeably missing.

So, yeah, Philza spends basically the entirety of the exile doing pretty much nothing of consequence. And that’s not a problem specific to him – One big criticism I would levy against the Exile Arc is that a lot of characters are left spinning their wheels. Which is why we get zany stuff like El Rapids, Drywaters, Eret’s Knights of the Roundtable, Boomerville – anyone remember Boomerville, that was a thing for 5 seconds, wasn’t it? – basically a lot of storylines are started and then unceremoniously dropped. Now, I will talk more about this, when I make a video about Season 2 of the Dream SMP … in ten years, look forward to it.

In the case of Philza, this inaction was especially damning, because at this point it was still a considered canon that he was Tommy’s dad. So, the fans were left with a situation, where just a few weeks prior Philza was occupying a paternal role for Fundy and Ghostbur … but now, that his youngest son was in a very concerning predicament – to put it lightly – he was nowhere to be found.

So why is that?

Well, the most obvious answer is that Dream and Tommy didn’t write him into the storyline. We’ve seen that Tommy wasn’t particularly interested in exploring a familial relationship to Philza, at least at the time. And it would just not fit in with what Dream and Tommy tried to do with the Exile Arc: they wanted to tell the story of Tommy being isolated, completely under Dream’s mercy, slowly worn down and manipulated. If Philza had been constant presence for Tommy during that time, it would have definitely shifted the narrative focus. That doesn’t mean that they couldn’t have done that, it’s just a matter of fact that they didn’t.

This also reveals another truth about content creator Philza’s character work, that I think is extremely crucial: He takes what the writers give him. Outside of a few choice moments, he doesn’t seem particularly interested in expanding or even solidifying his character on the SMP.

What I’m saying is that he is very go-with-the-flow: Wilbur wants to enact a Shakespearean tragedy? Philza’s up for it. Fundy wants him as a parental figure and mentor? Philza’s here for him. Tommy, conversely, doesn’t want him as a paternal presence, even though it would make sense for Philza’s character, as it was established so far, to be there? Philza will oblige.

The reason I’m mentioning this is because, while Tommy and Dream were unwilling to utilise Philza in their storyline, someone else was more than happy to. Which leads us back, like it always does, to everyone’s favourite Porky Pig-kinnie in a crown: Technoblade.

Technoblade and Philza, from everything I’ve seen of them, seem to be very good friends – and they share a lot of history even outside SBI. So, it’s commendable that they would collaborate on a storyline together.

A consequence of that, however, is that Philza’s narrative purpose shifts completely with very little transition. His entire character changes from being the Mentor-figure of L’Manberg to being pretty much exclusively defined as Technoblade’s ally; his man on the inside. It is a very sharp turn from the end of Season 1. Their relationship is once again informed via intertext – this time the Antarctic Empire on SMPEarth serves as the hypotext – but there isn’t a huge effort made to smoothly integrate that aspect of Philza’s character into the larger narrative framing around him.

How much the narrative utilisation of Philza has shifted can be very easily observed through the Butcher Army event on December 16th, a story event that I like less and less the more I think about. Here Philza is used to show just how corrupt and violent Tubbo’s administration has becomes. He is no longer the respected mentor, he is now the stand-in for the oppressed populace, similar to Niki’s role in Season 1. On a narrative level, he is here to prove a point.

If you’ve seen my Technoblade video, you know how I feel about … just that entire storyline, so I will not reiterate too much on it. I just want to make clear that I’m not principally against this development – if they wanted to truly explore Tubbo going down a dark path and getting corrupted by power, so much so that he would even treat the person who effectively raised him like a prisoner, I would be extremely here for it, I cannot stress that enough.

The problem I have is that it’s just so sloppily done. It is not coherent with how these characters behaved and, more importantly, how they were narratively framed prior to the Butcher Army event. Fundy gets one token line about Phil being his Grandfather – a far cry from the very emotionally complex relationship they had established at the beginning of Season 2 – and Phil then callously disowns him.

The major problem simply is that we don’t see how Philza changes from Mentor-figure to embittered, oppressed citizen. And there was enough time to build to that. During the entirety of Tommy’s exile Tubbo was pretty much spinning his wheels and Quackity and Fundy were opening up plot cul-de-sacs that didn’t end up going anywhere. This is time they could have spent on developing their relationship to Philza and the dark path they were going down – but again, Season 2 video.

There is not much to say on Philza’s narrative purpose and framing beyond the Butcher Army event. He remains pretty much exclusively Techno’s consigliere with his role as Mentor to L’Manburg a distant memory. He has some cute character moments with Ranboo, because content creator Philza is just big dad-energy whether he wants to or not, and whenever he and Ghostbur share a scene suddenly the narrative remembers that there are people other than Technoblade that should exist in Philza’s inner world. But aside from that, Philza’s storyline in Season 2 remains … pretty definitive is the nicest way I can put it.

Most importantly his relationship with Tommy continues to be completely unexplored – whether by chance or choice – and that combined with ever vaguer paratext leaves “Dadza” in a very peculiar situation.

 Conclusion: Is Dadza a Good Dadza?

So, the question to end all questions. The big, obnoxious text, that I will probably have put in the thumbnail – I haven’t made it yet, but I know myself. The honest answer is: I couldn’t tell you.

I have, in the past, been expounding the virtues of narrative analysis. That is because I feel that Narrative Analysis and Textual Analysis, like in this video, can provide certain tools that Character Analysis lacks. Often times I see people trying to get at a writing problem or query and getting frustrated because they’re not using the toolset, they need to figure out what they want to figure out.

But I’d be a hypocrite if I pretended like everything could be solved through the modes of analysis I prefer. And I think the Dadza-issue is exactly such a case.

I set out to explore why the Philza-Tommy-“Dadza”-relationship has become so controversial. It’s a combination of expectations build up through intertextual readings, that were partly canonized – something that is very common for the Dream SMP – conflicting pieces of paratext, which only serve to muddle the issue further and a text that is not only completely uninterested in actually exploring Tommy’s and Philza’s relationship – as it stands right now they might as well be strangers, narratively speaking – but also completely changes Philza’s narrative purpose as it relates to characters like Fundy or Tubbo about half-way through with little to no transition.

That is why I say, that Philza’s character is a victim of narrative circumstance. Because unwittingly, through all of these factors and decisions, there is not coherent reading of Philza that frames his parental skills in a particularly kind light.

The question of how we can judge Phil as a paternal figure ultimately falls within the purview of the character analysis – and that’s a very multifaceted issue, highly dependent on which POV you focus on and how you interpret the other characters in that POV’s periphery.

To put my cards on the table, I think that Philza is a very flawed father/father-figure – and I find that absolutely okay. Flaws are the spice of character building. He is not Cinderella’s Evil Stepmother – but he’s also definitely not Mufasa. If we were to read Philza as a paternal figure, then he would have made a lot of mistakes and decisions to the detriment of his “children” – least of all everything that happened on Doomsday.

But I also have sympathies for Philza fans who are tired of the Dad-Debate and would like to have his character judged independent from his relationship to Ghostbur, Fundy, Tubbo and Tommy.

Ultimately, to bring it all to a point, I’d like to end with saying, that I think that Philza, out of all the characters on the SMP, has the potential to be on of the most intriguing, multifaceted ones. There are all of these different patches of story, character moments and narrative and transtextual implications, that, if brought together, could create a beautiful tapestry of the character Philza.

You have his relationship with Techno, which holds the potential for so much emotional conflict and vulnerabilities, you have his time as mentor of L’Manburg, which is just criminally underused; the complex relationship between him and Ghostbur/Wilbur; and – for me, personally – most intriguingly this weird, almost uncomfortably distant non-relationship with Tommy. That last one is intriguing to me, because it contrasts just so much with our intertextual understanding of the characters and streaming personas – and it just holds the potential for so much conflict, so much drama, so much angst. Which I live for!

And, yes, I do believe that most of this is narrative happenstance, that this was largely not intended by Philza or really any of the writers. It’s just what happens when hybrid-roleplay-improv a long-running, livestreamed storyline in Minecraft.

But I want them to realize the potential they have on their hands, because it could – with barely any adjustments – turn Philza from a victim of narrative circumstance to a champion of it!

 Outro

Thank you so much for watching this video. Usually, I don’t record outros this standard, but after this beast of a video I felt it necessary. I hope that whether you’re a Philza fan or a Philza critical or just completely uninvolved in the whole thing, there is at least a little entertainment you could get from this.

I want to take this opportunity to say that my next few videos will probably not be Dream SMP related – a sentence which undoubtedly lost me a bunch of subs – simply because I don’t want to burn out on it. I genuinely enjoy watching the SMP and being exhausted by it would be something I wouldn’t want to force on myself.

But who knows what will happen? The Karl Jacobs video was something I did spur of the moment because the idea just came to me – so I can’t guarantee that the next video won’t be a three-minute joke about Purpled or whatever.

Anyway, my concrete plans for future Dream SMP videos are essays on Season 1 and Season 2 as well as one for Tales from the SMP.

Before that I have a longer video in the works, which I’ve already teased a bunch, so I hope it will finally be finished sometime. And I also may be working on something … eboys-related? Maybe. I’m not making any promises!

#dream smp #dsmp #dsmpblr #dreamsmp #dsmp analysis #dream smp analysis #ph1lza #philza #dsmp philza #dsmp ph1lza #dsmp phil #antarctic anarchists #the syndicate #dsmp syndicate #technoblade #dsmp technoblade #dsmp techno #wilbur soot #dsmp wilbur #dsmp wilbur soot #tommyinnit #dsmp tommyinnit #dsmp tommy #tubbo #dsmp tubbo #fundy #dsmp fundy #dream smp season 2 #lucem ferto scripts

[atalana]

[copied over from my cr blog, also this is gonna get long, i’d apologise but im not sorry]

okay, so

this is a rant probably about 7 years in the making, bc when i first watched lok i had not done any music study, i had not done any composing of my own, my knowledge of music theory was at a primary school level and i still thought tv soundtracks were just made by one person composing a whole cache of music and then the audio editors pick and choose what track to place where

(spoiler alert that’s not how film and tv scoring works, i have now done a music composition course where we had to score a short film, among other things, and i have so much more respect for tv composers jesus christ)

but this one stuck out to me even way back then, bc me barely knowing what a leitmotif was was like “hey this one little refrain keeps popping up whenever bolin does lavabending, and i like it, i’m gonna see if it’s on the soundtrack”

it was not, and that’s sort of where i left it back in 2014, but i actually did a rewatch of lok pretty recently out of nostalgia, and then noticed it even more

and to explain why (and this is also a little bit why five’s stuck out to me in tua, i’ll get to that in another ask), let’s cover, leitmotifs, and tv scoring in general

so a leitmotif is basically just a short musical idea that represents something in a piece of music. when i studied motivic development we were encouraged to make that motif four notes or less, and then develop it into something longer (aka a theme), because if you can constantly come back to a really short idea while keeping the piece moving, that’s what makes a piece of music memorable

(you can ignore those rules on purpose but that’s a different essay)

so the most common way that a leitmotif shows up in soundtracks is to represent a character or a location - you play the motif when that character shows up or when you’re in that location and boom, the audience associates that motif with that person place or thing, and you can then use this to tell the audience things without actually telling them. for example, star wars playing the imperial march whenever someone does something darth vader related - darth vader isn’t on screen, but you can feel his presence, because his music is playing

and if we were a film score, where we have two hours to show one particular character’s development, great! we give them a simple motif, and then as they grow as a person we change their motif to reflect what is happening to them, until we end up with something that communicates on a subconscious level how much they’ve grown. we toss in as much symbolism as we can, and we have a really great soundtrack that’s instantly memorable

tv scoring, is harder. partially because of time constraints (have you ever composed half an hour of original music a week, and had to make sure it fits perfectly with every beat of what’s happening on screen? these guys have), partially because there’s a much larger focus on ensemble casts

so what atla and lok do, for the most part, is not score individual character motifs for everyone. this is fairly common in tv soundtracks, instead we score ideas, concepts, and feelings - these’ll come up a lot more and give you more information than just “oh hey this character’s on screen”

the avatar state, for example, has the strongest and most recognisable theme across both shows. i’m linking an atla track in here because it has the best example but you’ll know this shows up with korra too - and with particularly important moments for wan, for kyoshi, etc. they also appear in the opening of both shows, four strong notes that start and end on the same note (in the case of what i’m linking, it’s an F#)

the first part of this track is the more uncertain, pensive theme that comes up when both avatars are feeling doubt/worry/sadness, but then it transitions into the more recognisable four. worth noting though, those are both basically the same motif. if i write them out back to back, you’ll notice they both have four notes and start and end on F#. if i had to guess, four notes four elements, and it comes back to the start because the avatar is a cycle.

korra has a theme for when she’s fighting, but not an individual character theme. the airbenders as a concept have a theme, republic city has thematic instruments, as do some big name characters, like iroh and his tsungi horn (this is also a cross-series thing, he’s always playing it in atla, it shows up when zuko has to make big moral decisions, and when we first meet iroh in the spirit world in lok, it shows up there too, to let the audience know who this is before we properly see him)

so, if korra doesn’t get a single theme and instead has several for different aspects of her life, and mako and asami follow along with the mood of the story like all the other characters, the fact that bolin has a personal leitmotif at all, let alone a solid, developing one, is pretty remarkable!

now, granted, it mostly starts with book 3, before then he was like every other character, but it has clear symbolism through those last two books! and, initially i thought it was related only to his lavabending, since that’s most of when it shows up, but since my rewatch, i’ve started calling it his hero theme

see, when people wanna criticise mako and bolin, usually the comments they get are that bolin’s too immature and mako’s too serious/uptight. but like, that’s how they work, you can’t analyse either of them without the context of the other. since they were little kids on the streets, bolin chases his heart and mako makes sure they don’t die from it, that is their entire childhood. and neither would have got here on their own because mako wouldn’t take the necessary risks and bolin wouldn’t take the necessary precautions. (like. remove either one from the equation and they’d still be working for the triple threats bc s1 and their flashback miniseries make pretty clear that bolin got them out and mako kept them out)

and then book 2 proves it! because it splits team avatar up, and what happens? bolin is totally taken advantage of by varrick and used as a pawn in his evil plan and mako ends up in jail

so what’s book 3, to them? it’s, being able to find themselves without having that codependency. mako no longer has someone to protect, which is what he’s based his whole life around so far - bolin’s doing fine and he’s no longer dating either korra or asami. and bolin’s trying his hand at some of that responsibility (look at how he immediately adopts kai who is explicitly them but younger because he wants to be the older brother for once). most importantly, they find the rest of their family, and stop being defined by being orphans. they don’t have to be that singular piece of a puzzle, they can just be themselves. and that’s where bolin’s character really starts to shine, because that’s when they bring in the bending plot, and bending, perhaps more than any other character, really gets to the heart of who bolin is

if you want more of my thoughts on that i have an essay here, but tl;dr: bolin’s an extremely powerful earthbender, but he’s not a metalbender because metalbending requires you to double down on the earth characteristics and think like an earthbender, and bolin doesn’t, he’s too fluid for that, which is one of his major strengths, so of course he can lavabend

and finally - to his motif itself! (as a note, i’ve put all of these in the same key to show where it repeats, but there’s a variety of keys used in the show)

as far as i can find, it first shows up in s3e8, when bolin stuns p’li with this well placed shot

[Edit: it first showed up in the s2 finale, but again in a simplified version and again with him doing something heroic with earthbending, so we can still start the analysis here]

mako volunteers bolin for that job, because he knew bolin was capable of it. why? because bolin landed an identical shot earlier in the episode, after trying to metalbend, getting frustrated he can’t, and cheating with some extremely well aimed earthbending. it’s just a short refrain and you barely notice it, but it’s the first connection of this motif with the theme of bolin’s bending

it looks like this, and it’s always played on a trumpet, which is part of why i call it the hero theme, because, if you’re looking at music from a western perspective, trumpets were used to herald kings, and then used to represent military glory, and then when superhero themes started happening, they used trumpets too - it’s basically western music shorthand for hero these days

(it’s also symmetrical so that helps with the good vibes)

and he’s saving everyone here, so it’s linked to his bending, but it’s also linked to his heroism

it ties the two together, and they are tied together.

when’s the next time it shows up? episode 10, when the brothers are in prison in ba sing se, and bolin tries to metalbend them out. again, he’s doing this to save people, and this motif gets a few notes added on to the end in a raising pattern - they’re inspiring, but they don’t go anywhere. which is exactly what happens in the scene, because he’s trying to go about this in the wrong way. mako believes in him, but it won’t (and doesn’t) work

it appears in episode 12 when bolin saves everyone from ghazan destroying the temple, in a more fancy orchestral remake of the first version - it’s impressive, but it hasn’t actually developed yet, it’s just his discovery of it

the book 3 finale already has its own fucking amazing soundtrack, i love that entire episode’s score, but it gets its own moment there too, and the first real development!

because what we hear is not what we’ve heard before. we know it’s the same theme, because it’s using those signature trumpets, but it’s the second part of this phrase, the answer to the question supplied by the first one. why? because bolin’s figured out who he is and he’s starting to use it. it still hasn’t settled yet though, it’s early days and he’s still just turning ghazan’s lava back on him, so again, it raises, leaving it on a question mark

it doesn’t appear in s4e7 when he lavabends as a warning against the escaped prisoners, because he’s using it as a threat, not to help people. but it does later in the episode when he uses lavabending to save them from kuvira. and that’s when we get the first full phrase, question and answer

it keeps the first motif identical, takes out the first note of the second, and ties them together - except now it’s not open ended, now it knows where it’s going - it’s been three years, at this point bolin is confident in both himself and his bending

and then that phrase appears all over the place in the finale, because all bolin does is save people - everyone from the exploding building, he slows the giant mecha with lavabending, he saves opal, he slows the giant mecha again by collapsing a building on it, and most importantly, he’s the one rescuing his brother this time, instead of the other way around (though that one doesn’t get a motif appearance bc admittedly a fuck ton of other things are happening in the soundtrack at the time)

so to that question asked in book three - who is bolin when not next to someone else? well, funnily enough, we saw it in book two as well, just in a warped way, playing nuktuk. it just wasn’t truly him because it was created by varrick, and he needed to get away from varrick too. the question put forward by the narrative is who is bolin, and the answer given by the music is, he is a hero. and i don’t know why bolin is the only one to get a theme like this, but i think it may have something to do with the fact that, while everyone in team avatar has been a hero and saved people, he is the only one who has, from the start, solely been motivated by wanting to help people. he follows his heart, and his heart cares, about everyone. it’s been the driving force behind almost everything he’s ever done. and i love him so much

#so yeah those are my thoughts on bolin go forth and cry with me about five notes on a trumpet #legend of korra #lok #bolin #music

[creepercraftguy]

My thoughts and feelings on the Danganronpa S Swimsuit Designs.

Recently the designs for everyone’s swimsuit sprites in Danganronpa S were leaked on a preorder website here: https://ebten.jp/spchun/p/7015021110403

There’s a lot I have to say about each of these designs, so I figured I’d make a decently long post ranking each of them.

These are all my opinions and my thoughts and feelings may be a little biased, but please hear me out and respect my opinions. Also, sorry for low quality images, since that was the most clear cut I could make them by zooming in on the sheets.

7/10:

It’s a fairly plain design, but honestly, I think that’s quite befitting of the first games plucky protagonist. One of Makoto’s main traits is that he’s nothing remotely that special, so his swimsuit shouldn’t really be anything major. I do like however, that it’s colours replicate the brighter aspects of his original design.

6/10:

Of all the characters in the game who could have been stuck with the speedo look, I’m glad it was Taka. Unfortunately, this also means that his design, other than the very befitting whistle around his neck, isn’t anything major.

8/10:

This is a really good look for Byakuya. It’s really fitting with his personality and status and he wears it well.

5/10:

Unfortunately, Mondo’s outfit is exactly what I expected it to be. It’s unfortunate because I was hoping the game would do more, given how extra his 10th anniversary do was, but I was left a little disappointed with this one. It’s not bad though and it does work with him.

6/10:

It’s a pretty plain and simple design with no real outstanding aspects, but it really fits Leon’s character and he does well with it.

7/10:

This is honestly hilarious, because this wasn’t what I expected from Hifumi. I was expecting him to have a shirt or something, but I’m glad he doesn’t because that can be considered fat-shaming in my eyes. The Pretty Pudgy Princess image on his shorts was, for whatever reason, NOT what I was expecting though, and I think it looks great.

8/10:

I’ve had my differences with Hiro, but I have to admit that this design really does suit him and his character. I really love the little alien pattern on his shorts.

10/10:

This has got to be my favourite design in the entire selection of these characters! The main reason is because it really suits Chihiro’s character. He’s sporting both some very boy-like shorts but also a very girl-like crop top. The design doesn’t prioritize masculinity or femininity, but instead creates a well done balance of the two. This was probably the best that they could have done for Chihiro and I’m so glad he got his justice in this game.

10/10:

I feel like Sayaka is so underappreciated and so berated that we fail to recognize just how beautiful she is. I mean LOOK at this! She’s so fucking gorgeous!

10/10:

Kyoko is among, if not the top of, the characters in this that can sport a really plain and slightly bare bones design, but look absolutely beautiful while doing it. The dark swimsuit clashing with her bright hair, and also not sporting anything too outstanding, just like her original design, makes her look absolutely ravishing.

10/10:

I know it seems like I’m just dishing out 10’s at this point, but the DR1 girls are just THAT amazing looking with their designs, and Hina in particular is really good. One of the things that I love about some of these swimsuit designs is the subversion of the colors that I’m used to the characters sporting. Hina for instance is usually associated with red or blue, but here she is wearing a deep yellow bikini and my god does she look amazing in it. Also, it’s hard to see, but she does have some slight abs, which is something I wish to see on most of these girls.

9/10:

We have to talk about these two at once because they kind of have the same swimsuit with just one difference, in that Toko wears the skirt, while Genocide Jill does not. This makes sense and it’s pretty clever in design, since Toko has usually always worn long dresses/skirts in her previous designs, to cover up the tally marks Jill engraved in her legs from her kills. Jill obviously wouldn’t care about that, so she feels no need to wear the skirt, and given that Jill is slightly more outgoing and sociable than Toko, she wouldn’t have as much of a problem showing off more skin. It really does make a lot of sense and the design itself is overall very solid.

6/10:

I wouldn’t go so far as to say this is bad, but this style and colour is not what I expected or would have liked to see on Sakura. She’s still pretty, but I just think there’s more potential here.

8/10:

In a sense, this is a very clever design of swimsuit, since it’s almost as if Celeste’s original dress was turned into a bikini, and it’s incredibly fitting as a result. Still, it’s not out of any expectation.

10/10:

This is probably the most ingenious design out of every swimsuit in this game, so hear me out. One of the things Junko is the most well known for in Danganronpa’s world is she always defies expectations, most of the time in ways that leave people dissatisfied or unhappy. What could be more dissatisfying to a regular hormonal teenager (which most of the DR cast are) on a summer trip than a busty beauty arriving to the beach wearing a cheap, one-piece school swimsuit with nothing remarkable about it. It’s so clever and such a smart move on the designers part that perfectly encapsulates Junko’s character.

9/10:

I love this swimsuit design, and I think Mukuro looks wonderful in it, but I still stand by my complaint that she deserves to be her own person in this game and not disguised as Junko.

5/10:

Monokuma looks less like a lifeguard in this design and more like a McDonald’s drive thru employee. Still, I didn’t expect Monokuma to get a swimsuit at all, and this does fit his character, so whatever.

9/10:

Like Makoto, this outfit is fairly simple. Unlike Makoto however, it doesn’t really replicate the coloration of the original design and instead provides Hajime with something more vibrant and original, and I think it looks pretty good on him.

10/10:

I just in general think this is a really solid look for Nagito. It’s a nice diversion from his original style, while also keeping some of the things that made his original design unique, namely the pattern on his hoodie is transitioned over, but in a new, quite dashing colour. I also like how he and Hajime have a contrasting blue/red dynamic with their designs.

7/10:

I mean, it obviously has to be the same as Byakuya’s design, but the colours of the hoodie are inverted. It makes sense, but I do believe the original Togami does it better in this case.

4/10:

Is this REALLY the best you could give Gundham? This is such a simple design for someone with Gundham’s personality, he deserves something far more impressive. Yeah, I get that Makoto has the same thing, shorts of a single colour with his symbol on it, but that makes sense for Makoto given that he’s naturally quite bare bones, whereas Gundham is much the opposite. Honestly, this is kind of a letdown.

8/10:

Can Kazuichi just naturally pull off any vibrant colour? First, in DR2, his outfit was a vibrant yellow, and then in DR3, he had a deep blue outfit. Now he’s sporting this Neon Green and it looks so good on him. Please tell me I’m not the only one who thinks that this is a really good way of transitioning his original design while also adding some originality?

7/10:

I don’t think it’s anything great, but I like the rose patterns and the clash of the dark shirt with the bright shorts. Honestly, this is a pretty good outfit sporting Teruteru’s moniker.

6/10:

Again, I kind of expected Nekomaru to wear the speedo, and I like the fact that he kept the chain on, but overall, the outfit doesn’t have an awful lot of uniqueness.

8/10:

There’s really not an awful lot to this design, but I think white shorts and a gold chain are a real good look for Fuyuhiko. He doesn’t really need anything more than this to look super good on the beach.

7/10:

We did see this outfit in DR2, but it was a CG and not a sprite, and at least she’s not covered in blood this time. The colours and patterns are a little plain for Akane, but she still looks pretty good in this outfit.

10/10:

This swimsuit already has a CG and sprites in the original DR2, but now we get to see more of them. And just as well because this plain white swimming outfit looks wonderful on Chiaki. She’s just super adorable like this and I can’t ask for anything more.

10/10:

I have to give Sonia the score she deserves here. While I am surprised she isn’t showing off nearly as much leg skin as I thought she would, I have no complaints to this. The colour is a good colour alongside her hair and the swimsuit itself looks splendid on her.

9/10:

I never thought in a million years that Hiyoko would look good in green, but I’ve never been more happy to be wrong. I’m also glad, and I can’t speak for everyone here, that she’s wearing a two-piece and not a school swimsuit like Junko, because she deserves more than that.

10/10:

I’m so tempted to sing the Bryan Highland song but change the yellow in the lyrics to blue. Words cannot describe just how much I love this simple patterns design on my all time best girl. Mahiru looks absolutely angelic with this outfit, and I’ve basically fallen for her all over again.

8/10:

All things considered, I’m really satisfied with this outfit. We all know what Spike Chunsoft and DR’s writers like to do to Mikan, so I was very concerned that whatever swimsuit she got, it was going to turn out to be really skimpy and barely cover anything. I am glad that this is a lot more modest than I thought it would be, and I thank the creators for giving her something more normal. However, it is still a string piece that has a likely chance of coming undone, so I am expecting a few wardrobe malfunctions in the game. Other than that, my only other real complaint is that I kind of want more than just a plain white design. I think a deep purple or even a deep red would work very well on her as opposed to this.

10/10:

This is the design I expected for Ibuki, and it works really well for her, so while my expectations weren’t defied, this is still among the better designs out of the selection we have.

10/10:

We all need to take a minute to appreciate just how gorgeous Peko looks in a plain black two-piece, because this lady looks absolutely exquisite. Even the most simple designs can bring out the best in characters, and while we did see this in DR2, we never got the sprite we needed. She just looks great like this, that’s all I can say.

5/10:

Izuru has a different swimsuit to Hajime for some reason, but I guess it does make sense since a bright, vibrant swimsuit like the one Hajime has wouldn’t work with him. Hajime’s is still better in my book though.

5/10:

Usami and Monomi have always had the adult/child dynamic in their designs. For example, in the regular designs, Usami has a skirt while Monomi wears a diaper, and that dynamic carries over in these designs too, which I really appreciate. Still, the outfits themselves aren’t anything outstanding.

10/10:

Is it just me, or is Komaru ever so slightly chubby in this? It’s the first time Komaru’s midriff has ever been shown in a sprite, so it’s the first time we’ve ever seen her bare belly like this. It’s not a complaint, if anything, I’ve been wanting to see some chub on the girls. Regardless, this is another example of a plain design pulled off extraordinarily well, since the plain yellow outfit makes Komaru look delightful.

6/10:

About what I expected from Masaru. Like Nagito, I like how he carries patterns from his og design into this one, but he doesn’t really do it as well. His design is kind of basic.

8/10:

I like this transition. The outfit and hoodie has originality, but it still bases itself off Jataro’s original design and I like how they do it.

10/10:

She’s just way too cute! This design is just super adorable and Kotoko pulls it off wonderfully. She was honestly one who I expected to wear a one-piece, so showing off this much skin is surprising given her backstory. It really does fit her though, and I wouldn’t think of changing it.

5/10:

Honestly, there’s not much to this. The colour and pattern fits Nagisa, totally, but I do wish there was a little bit more than just whatever this is. Nagisa’s a much deeper character than this outfit gives him credit for.

8/10:

It’s a really simple design with nothing outstanding besides the skirt, but Monaca looks really cute wearing this, and I think that that alone is enough. Besides, Junko had a fairly basic design too, so Monaca having one isn’t out of the question.

3/10:

I’ve always believed, as much as I really don’t like him and wish he wasn’t in this game, that Kurokuma has always had one of the best designs out of all the Monokuma’s. But as much as I believe that, and as much as I love the addition of the water gun in this design, this is honestly kind of lazy. The gun and the glasses don’t count as part of the swimsuit, they’re just accessories. In summary, literally all they did was give him orange trunks.

1/10:

THIS however is somehow even worse, because this straight up is NOT a swimsuit! Shirokuma is literally just wearing a hat and a floatie. This is probably my least favourite of all the designs in this.

9/10:

I have to add here that I’m rather disappointed that based on the scans, it seems unlikely that Yuta and Taichi from UDG are getting in the game, since I believe they both deserve some spotlight that they’re now giving Hiroko. I also don’t consider myself to be attracting to older women, but I am forced to admit that like with Mikan, I did expect something worse with Hiroko’s swimsuit, and this was a pleasant subversion of my expectations because I think she looks great.

10/10:

Maybe I’m being a but biased with my scoring here, but had Shuichi not been wearing the hoodie, I would have been a bit disappointed. Also, am I the only one who thinks that this is a surprisingly good look for Shuichi given that the colours aren’t his typical dark, emo style? I never thought Shuichi could rock a white hoodie and dark blue shorts, but here I am being proved wrong.

6/10:

Honestly, I did expect this of Kaito’s outfit, and I am a little let down that this is it really. Sure, it does look good, as he has the space pattern that he usually has on the inside of his coat, but speaking of his coat, one thing that I was expecting was that he, like Shuichi or Nagito, would have a hoodie in his design that he hung loosely around his shoulders like he does in his original design. C’est la vie…

7/10:

He literally looks like a tiny sailor! Like they straight up ripped him out of a Popeye cartoon or something! It looks really funny for some reason.

9/10:

Call me crazy, but I actually seriously love the colour of Rantaro’s shorts. The pink/red rose colour is a wonderful clash with his avocado green hair, and while the design is kind of simple, Rantaro has never been known to have the most over the top appearance. He’s kind of just a casual guy, so he deserves a casual attire.

4/10:

Oh Gonta, there’s nothing wrong with your swimsuit, but is this really the most justice they could do you? It looks so…I dunno…plain?

5/10:

Where’s his white coat go? Like, I love the shorts pattern, but is this really it? This is all we get out our clown prince of lies? It’s not totally disappointing like Gundham’s was, and thank god he doesn’t have abs anymore, but even still, is this the best they could do for Kokichi?

10/10:

Fuck yes! Why put Kiyo in shorts like the rest of them when we could give him this extremely fitting wetsuit! Like, seriously, how come I didn’t think this was a good idea? This is quite literally the perfect direction you could have gone in for Kiyo especially.

9/10:

Fucking…Keebo oh my god…Why did I expect any differently?

9/10:

Kirumi, Kyoko and Peko have exactly the same reason for getting their scores, and Peko and Kyoko only slightly pull it off better. My only complaint I have with Kirumi sporting this is that she doesn’t appear to have the spider pattern that she had on her dress before, which was one of her most notable features in her original design. Maybe it is there and I just can’t see it due to low res, but I’m fairly sure that this is all you need to make Kirumi look damn sexy during summertime.

6/10:

I know for a fact that Himiko doesn’t like the ocean, so maybe there’s a reason her swimwear looks like this. I don’t hate it, but I think Himiko might look better in a one piece, and maybe I’d like a bit more context as to why it looks like this of all things.

10/10:

Maki is so attractive in this outfit. It’s the perfect shade of red, and it’s everything she deserves. Honestly, while a lot of these girls look stunning in colours that I’m not used to seeing them in, had Maki had anything else than this red, I think I would have been a little disappointed.

7/10:

Pink was not what I expected on Tenko. I was honestly expecting something similar to Ibuki, but with light blue and green instea of blue and pink, and I’m honestly a little upset we didn’t get that. On top of that, she’s showing an awful lot of skin, maybe even more than Mikan, since that swimsuit looks like it doesn’t fit her, which I didn’t expect from her.  Still, you won’t be hearing any major issues on my behalf, since I still like this design somewhat.

10/10:

Yes, yes, and more YES! I ADORE the yellow swimsuit with Tsumugi’s dark blue hair. I was expecting something plain and white like what Mikan got with Tsumugi, and I’m so glad we didn’t. Not even Team DR are willing to take their jokes that far. She looks so god damn sublime.

6/10:

I’m fairly sure that all they did for Angie’s appearance was take off her coat. I mean, she does kind of wear swimwear all the time, so I think that even though there’s no real uniqueness or originality to this one, it was the obvious direction to go in, so I have no real comment on it.

9/10:

Ok, this was a good one. I was really hoping that Miu in particular would fit her character to a tee, and if it didn’t I think I would have been rather let down. This is definitely satisfactory though, since leopard print absolutely works for her. Overall I think she looks superb.

10/10:

KAEDE PLEASE MARRY ME! She looks so fucking pulchritudinous! That’s not a word anyone knows, but that’s the extent of how enticing, foxy and sublime she looks! The sky blue is SO good on her, words can barely describe it! Kaede was one in particular who I set high expectations for, and I can gladly say that they were exceeded above and beyond!

#danganronpa survivor #danganronpa #danganronpa 1 #dr1 #danganronpa 2 #dr2 #danganronpa another episode #danganronpa ultra despair girls #drudg #drae #danganronpa v3 #drv3 #danganronpa s: ultimate summer camp #danganronpa s #drs

[caguaydreams]

A thorough analysis on why Vah Medoh’s dungeon theme makes me want to cry

Yep, that’s an accurate title. Hi there! do you have a moment to hear about Breath of The Wild soundtrack? posting for yet a third time in hopes that tumblr won't hide it. I'm so tired

What started as a quick and harmless post, pretending to simply point out a couple of things, rolled downhill, out of my grasp and turned into a massive snowball of a short essay. How and why did this happen? Well, I assume a lot of people know about this song, and know what I’m talking about when I say that it makes me tear up and sob uncontrollably with every change in key as the seconds tick by and I spiral down into a dwell of misery from where I struggle to find the exit and to later recover.

……No?…..At the VERY LEAST it makes you a little uncomfortable. And I state this with much certainty, because after reading hundreds of comments everywhere online where this song is present, I picked up on a vast majority of people who expressed to feel the same way I did when it came down to our current music subject. See, statistics don’t lie… normally. So, naturally, my intrigue got the best of me. I wanted to find out exactly why this soundtrack was mercilessly stirring up everyone’s emotions, so I caved in and we ended up with this.

Buckle in, fellas.

Out of all Divine Beasts’ dungeon themes, Vah Medoh’s is the one that I can’t sit through. Not without growing antsy and wanting to turn it off as soon as possible. I find it genuinely difficult to listen to, and it’s not only because Revali is my favorite character and the song is just, plainly put, depressing, mind you.

We’ll start from 0 terminals activated.

It opens up similar to the other three dungeon themes; the pace is slow but eerie, gives off the impression that it sounds broken somehow. Something is off here, and it’s easy to figure out what that is from the get go: you’re basically entering a majestic, ancient, mechanical mausoleum, where everything went terribly wrong a century ago. Someone is gone, someone you knew, someone who was probably close to you, but it’s impossible to be sure. You don’t remember a thing, and this entire ordeal is confusing at best, and terrifying at worst. It’s your duty to make things right again.

It’s the same for all four Divine Beasts upon entering, save for the obvious little differences that separates them from each other and make them unique. Ruta’s is played on a major key, adhering to a sense of hopefulness. Naboris’s begins with a startling smashing of the piano keys, much like thunder of a sudden lighting strike. And Rudania’s theme starts threatening, dangerous, like scalding lava.

But now, back to Vah Medoh. The tone here is… alienating. The dissonant chords are all over the place, and feel disconnected, cold. It’s almost as if someone doesn’t want us to be here, or just like the elusive key, our presence is unexpected. Fitting, for a Divine Beast that’s high above the land, impossible for most to reach, yet we somehow made it. Apart from the piano, we have the occasional hint to rito culture, in the shape of a short, synthetic version of the rolled chords at the very beginning of Rito Village. A quiet reminder of where we come from. There is also, of course, the morse code distress signal, but we’ll talk more about that later.

As soon as this formal introduction is over, we finally get to the more, say, intimate stuff. Oh, and wouldn’t you know, it’s just tragic.

One terminal activated.

There’s no better short way I can describe this passage, other than anxiety-inducing. Especially when the strings come into play, and there’s two reasons I can think of why I feel this is an important thing to point out:

1- Characters and Symbolism.

I tend to associate stringed instruments, all of those which compose the violin family, with rito culture. And Revali, most specifically. In Creating a Champion we can see the early concept art and designs for all or most major characters in the game, and Revali’s highlighted rough design might be the one that changed the most throughout proper development of the character, out of all champions. He looks quite different from our usual depiction of him, it’s fascinating. What truly catches my eye, however, is the design of his bow.

You thought bird puns were bad? Oh boy, how do you feel about Revali having a bow that looks like a violin/cello/viola??? And do you need a bow to play it also??? Like, is it even an instrument or it’s nothing more than a mere fashion statement?-

Anyway. I believe this was originally going to be a not-so-subtle wink to rito culture, being heavily musically inclined as we can see and conclude for ourselves. Perhaps Revali was going to be a musician as well, now how cool it that!

Needless to say, the idea was eventually scrapped. But one detail I am CERTAIN carried over to the character we know and love today(okay not all of us love him but seriously if you dislike him why are you still here lol): strings. The association between bows(weapon) and stringed instruments, aside from being a quite clever and creative one, goes beyond the concept art and remains strong as part of Revali’s character, settling for having a presence via score. After all, Revali is a master of archery, so in that way it makes sense to keep strings as symbolism to reinforce the idea and drive it home.

But can you guess what other thing Revali excels at? That’s right: flying. He’s the only rito we know of who successfully managed to take advantage of wind currents and bend them to his will. And do you know what musical instruments are often used to evoke the feeling of flight and gale? If you thought of bowed strings, you’re correct! Unfortunately, I couldn’t find much support on this topic online, so you’ll have to take my word for it. I am most certain that this is fact, although not something worth discussing on the Internet, by the looks of it.

Anyhow, violins/cellos/etc are ever-present whenever we’re close to Rito Village or dealing with a rito related mission. Attack on Vah Medoh, for example, features a sequence of strings that is meant to evoke the strong winds we’re fighting against in that particular moment(*). Another great example is The Final Trial, the song that plays at the shrine of resurrection nearing the end of the Champions’ Ballad. Preceding the activation of each terminal, you’ll notice that a new instrumental element joins the crowd: the first one corresponds to the tambourines, related to the zora and Mipha; the second one are strings, referencing the rito and Revali, etc. I tell you, the moment I heard this during the trial I almost started crying like a baby. And, although strings have a lot to do with Rito culture in general, they tie most strongly to Revali, since he was the champion of his people, and his legacy carried over throughout the years. His accomplishments became material of folk tale, a legend, a source of pride and inspiration for the village. And let’s not forget that, at the end of the day, Revali is the crucial and foremost connection Link has to this place. Other than appeasing Vah Medoh, Link’s responsibility here is to free his past fellow champion’s spirit from Ganon’s malice. The soundtrack is referencing Revali first, and by extension his devotion to his home.

With all that in mind, let’s move on to our next point:

2- Nowhere to Go.

You shoot the canons, land on top of the Divine Beast, do what you gotta do, activate the first terminal and the soundtrack goes off unannounced. Like some sort of surprise anxiety bomb. The rhythm turns fast, the melody erratic, incredibly desperate in its execution. There’s this sheer despair, fear, this feeling of suffocation almost, which are so well achieved in this particular piece.

And that is, partially, because a quite familiar resource is used here as well; one that we’ve heard before in songs such as Rito Village or Revali’s theme. You could even think of it as a motif: two notes are played in an semitone interval, repeatedly and in quick succession. For the sake of later convenience, we’ll call this the Flight Motif, now let me explain why. In Breath of The Wild, this semitone loop is often followed up by some form of resolution. In Rito Village, formerly known as Dragon Roost Island(**), that resolution consists of a graceful descent of the melody, from a high that was built up previously during the motif. On the other hand, if you listen to Revali’s theme, you’ll notice that the interval repeats itself for a couple of times as thought charging up, to then rise fast and determined into a triumphal reprise of Revali’s distinctive assigned melody. This juxtaposition supposes the difference that lays between common rito flight and Revali’s trademark ability; both musical sequences are speaking of flight, albeit in two different languages depending on the way to achieve it. While the rito traditionally use their wings to glide and let themselves get swayed by the air currents Buzz Lightyear style, Revali takes full advantage of his flying capabilities to somehow create an updraft of his own, rising meters above the ground whenever he likes or needs to.

So, now that I layed out my base of thought when focusing on the strings, this’ll be much easier to explain. We’ve settled what the instruments themselves are a symbolic representation of Revali, in this scenario specifically. He was the only one inside Vah Medoh, and the score is, in a way, a retelling of what we can vaguely assume went down here during the Great Calamity, as much as it is what sets the tone and ambience for Link’s mission. But what are we hearing exactly? What we talked about, the Flight Motif, is being repeated nonstop. And that’s the thing, remember how I mentioned that this sequence usually finds resolution at the end? Well. Inside Vah Medoh,… it never does. The melody picks up in numerous occasions, but it’s not nearly as graceful, or calculated, as we’ve grown used to by now. It gets tangled and lost, and then inevitably falls to the ground in disarray. The pattern repeats itself, reaching higher after a handful of failed attempts, but no matter how much it tries, the cycle never ends. What used to tell us about flying and freedom in the skies, has morphed into an almost sinister musical incarnation of a tornado, and there is no way out of this trap. What do you think it must feel like to mindlessly flap your wings against wind currents so strong and violent, that it is impossible to get anywhere nearby, let alone take off every time you lose your balance. Or every time you’re shot down. On top of that, trying to aim and fight back in whatever short breaks and opportunities you get, at an enemy that’s much more powerful and relentless, who’s using your own element as a weapon to destroy you… it’s a risk Revali surely had to take in order to put up a fight. Even knowing full well that the odds were not in his favour, that he was most likely going to lose this battle, that he was going to die. Let that sink in. I’ll skip the activation of the second terminal, since there’s barely any change registered in the theme in general. So-

Three terminals activated.

I know this post is supposed to be a breakdown of the song purely, but that doesn’t mean there’s no place for a little theorising, and the following scrutiny is also quite relevant for our discussion. Bear with me for a bit. I’ve read almost everywhere about people’s most common interpretations on the Divine Beasts SOS signals, and how everyone thinks that Revali’s coming in last (a few seconds later than the other champions) has to do with him holding on for longer. Or, also, overconfident as he was, it means that the idea of calling out for additional support didn’t cross his mind until it was too late, and that’s why the beeping sounds more frantic and panicked than the others’ when it does appear. After giving it some thought myself, I’m betting on the latter option holding more ground, and that’s not all. I want to touch upon a detail of the piece that I never acknowledged was there until very recently(after seeing myself obliged to listen to this song fully and a handful of times, suffering every minute of it for the sole purpose of this analysis. It’s okay I didn’t need my heart anyway). Soon after activating the third terminal, the SOS signal disappears, or grows distant and faint enough that we can’t make it out from the background anymore. In its place, we’re confronted by this… shrill, piercing and painfully slow tune. It sounds synthetic, artificial, devoid of life. And it’s funny, because you know what it reminds me of? I’ll tell you:

A heartbeat flatline sound.

And I want to highlight that this doesn’t happen in any of the other Divine Beasts themes. All their SOS signals carry on, but Medoh’s is no more. This abrupt stop, followed by this bone-chilling tune…. makes me believe that Revali was the first of the champions to fall. A few days ago I came across SuperZeldaGirl’s video on a similar topic, theorising that this could very much be the case. There is not much evidence to support this claim other than some visual cues that could be suggesting to it, but after I found this in the soundtrack, and if we’re to rely on it for anything, I believe Revali was either the first champion to be ambushed by Ganon, or well…. the first to be killed. It is plausible, because short after Calamity Ganon unleashes his power, Revali parts from the group and flies directly to Vah Medoh, and he very well could’ve been the first pilot to arrive.

On this note…. we’ll have to wait and see for ourselves, when Age of Calamity provides long-awaited answers to many of our questions.

Four terminals activated.

An interesting melody is being played on what, for me, would qualify as a glockenspiel or a celesta, which are keyboard based instruments that produce a sound similar to that of a music box(***). If you want to pay more attention to it, I suggest listening to Vetrom’s Instrumental Mix Cover of the theme, where they practically zoom in on this part of the song (keep in mind that it uses the All Terminals’ time signature so it’s being played faster). For some reason, this particular addition makes me feel profound empathy. The sound of this instrument could be described as cute or childlike, magical, even. It is more often than not used to represent innocence, but I highly doubt that’s specifically the intention here. Much like the leading strings’ melody, the melodic contour of this one is trapped in a loop of going up and down constantly, but the difference is that this time around it sounds more under control. And much more uniform too. It doesn’t lose focus or takes risky, fruitless leaps, but rather chooses to stay on a path of waves that consistently rises and falls without taking detours. Like a determined battle strategy, giving it your all. You fall, but get back up again, and try again, and again. It reminds me of Revali’s approach to training, being persistent to the point of overworking himself. He had discipline nailed down to a tee, which I also think served him well in combat. It’s not just about being hard on yourself, either, but being confident and having complete faith in your abilities; believing that you’ll make it.  For this to appear now, that the SOS signal is almost completely gone, is significant because it means that by this point, being so close to success on Link’s behalf, the music is sparing genuine encouragement for once, in spite of the tragic outcome of the past and the danger of the current situation. But, in all honesty, this is probably just me reading too much into it. Perhaps the composer just thought this addition sounded pretty bitching and there’s not much else to it, which is completely fine. Although, intentional or not, sometimes coincidences do happen, and at the end of the day, interpretations like this are a form of appreciation for an artist’s work and for what they can unknowingly accomplish.

All terminals activated.

This is the moment when the song finally lightens up. Notice how the strings abandon the wave pattern for a more even contour. The beat quickens, the melody stabilizes. At first I thought, coming from our flight analogy, that this meant a cease in movement entirely, and it was partly one of the reasons why the song in general makes me anxious. But thinking about it now, …there is something different going on here. The strings are playing on a steady rhythm. It resembles a march, it’s like a pounding heart. It’s a lively, hopeful statement. And what’s interesting is that, up until this point, there was so much fear and helplessness present in the score, even going as far as to reach a dead end when we activate the third terminal. But that’s it, isn’t it? the music just keeps going further. 

It’s saying: this isn’t over yet. Even after complete and utter defeat, there’s still hope and an underlying wish to overcome this predicament, and we started to hear this as soon as a fourth terminal is activated. The melody we previously talked about? it’s here as well, and its beat is much more daring and confident.

And I just want to say… this is so powerful. Because this sentiment is deeply tied to the game’s story and Revali’s character arc. You see, he is introduced as someone who resents Link for being the manifestation of his failure, in a way, because Revali has trained arduously his whole life to be where he is, to be recognised. And yet… this hylian gets chosen by a magic sword and some tale of divine destiny and, apparently, that’s all it takes for him to be deemed the hero that will save the land. In Revali’s eyes, Link has done nothing to prove his worth before him, so it is easy to see why he despises the silent knight so much; he is yet another individual that was born into their destiny. Meanwhile, Revali has had to build his reputation from the ground up, earning him a place among the greatest warriors of Hyrule, and even then he finds himself surrounded by people who grew up praised for being born gifted.  We can see how Revali is the odd one out, and can map out the reason for him acting so antagonistic towards Link.

But once we’re on Medoh, things start to change. When Link enters the Divine Beast, Revali greets him with disdain, as per usual. Of course, Link has no recollection of whatever happened a hundred years ago, other than a small glimpse of the rito champion talking down to him, a memory that came and went in a flash. So as Link, we more than expect Revali to act cold and mocking, which he does. He provides us with as little help as needed in order to free Medoh, reluctantly, shielding his wounded pride over having to wait for Link, of all people, to come to their rescue. But you can hear him starting to open up bit by bit(I wish I could translate his dialogue directly from Japanese but I’ll make do with a couple of dubs and other numerous sources from translators online). With each little step Link takes towards success, activating the terminals, the perception Revali has of him shifts from one of resentment to one of genuine admiration and respect. By the end of it all, he is willing to not only cheer on Link during the boss battle, but to trust him with his life’s worth achievement. And once left alone, he admits defeat and lets go of his bitterness, realising that he was wrong to underestimate Link, and later wishes he could’ve had a chance to measured up to him. To take all of this into consideration and work with it in the soundtrack I think it’s genuinely splendid. And for once, I am grateful that it ends in somewhat of a positive note that puts my soul to rest. I still have a hard time listening to the first two thirds of the entire thing, but now I can look forward to a hopeful and earnestly heartening conclusion for all the pain that this composition puts me in. I must admit that it’s beautifully and brilliantly crafted, and that I am enamoured of it regardless.

That is why I wrote roughly 4k words about it! I hate myself!

If you’re as crazy as me about the soundtrack of this game, I recommend you read the published cd interview with the composers themselves! if you haven’t already. I just found it yesterday(unbelievable but it’s true) and… after writing all of this and checking it out, I felt validated. It sure is a one of a kind feeling. 

Alright folks, we’ve made it to the end. Congratulations for sticking around and thanks being interested in my nonsensical rambling! 

I also hope that you, like me, will now be unable to listen to bowed strings without being reminded of Revali. Good luck!

————– Annotations/Sidenotes/Whatever

(*)The Flight Motif(in point number 2) is also present in this track. We can hear it in the background right after the Rito leitmotif, as per usual. It starts with a clarinet, I think, before the strings take the lead. (**) Note that the Flight Motif only comes into play in the Breath of The Wild rendition of the song. (***)I strongly associate this instrument with Mipha, given that it is used in her theme, in every “response” to the initial melody. It can be heard in Attack On Vah Ruta, as well, it enters the scene when the notes Mi(E) and Fa(F) are played. The initial tune, Si and Do(B and C) are played on a clarinet or oboe, wind instruments just like the flute that leads Sidon’s respective theme. The celesta can also be heard inside Vah Ruta, activating the first terminal…. when the song really takes a turn just like Medoh’s. Mipha has nothing to do with the song of this analysis, however. We must understand that instruments, although they are attached to characters/various story elements in some cases, can always be used outside of that context, for that is the nature of an orchestral soundtrack. If you have this many tools at your disposal, you will make good use of them.

#Revali #Vah Medoh #botw #loz #aoc

[quidfree]

prompts,.,, fem tdbk and a date gone very wrong ? ❤️

ohhhh my god anon. pump this shit directly into my veins i love this whole premise let’s go. also all inspired by whatever the fuck horikoshi was doing in this 

just so everyone is on the same page here, it is not a fucking date.

it’s lunch. a singular lunch. people do that shit all the time. even katsuki does lunch, sometimes. she went to that semi-shitty diner place with kirishima that one time when the food hall was shut because some dumbass first year exploded into goo or whatever. and todoroki does lunch, too- her and deku were on some shitty lunch date like a week ago, as evidenced by deku’s even shittier selfie of them having a grand old time doing whatever the fuck they do alone.

fuck, not a shitty lunch date. a shitty lunch. whatever.

the point is lunch is a normal non-date thing people do, and the fact katsuki and todoroki are maybe not the usual suspects for it is just circumstantial. it’s not like they planned it ahead of time, or made some big thing about it. they literally arranged for it in public, so obviously todoroki didn’t think there was anything weird about it. and there isn’t! they’re both going to be in tokyo on the same day, and todoroki’s always happy for any excuse to spend less time with her old man, and katsuki sure as fuck wouldn’t turn down an opportunity to avoid her hag of a birth-giver for a few blissful hours, so when todoroki had very nonchalantly gone ‘oh, bakugou, we could do lunch then”, it wasn’t like she had any real reason to tell her to go fuck herself. like, yeah, maybe a year ago, on principle, she would have, but even katsuki can only take so much trauma-bonding before she resigns herself to the reality that she’s stuck with half ‘n half for life, one way or another, and she may as well suck it up and approach civility because said moron is determined to ignore her open malice until she plays along anyways. they’re... you know, whatever. friends. or something. jesus.

the point being that it’s not a date, and the fact that she’s getting increasingly annoyed at her limited wardrobe is just because she would have packed more shit if the crone hadn’t insisted that they ‘pack light’ so they could get cheaper train tickets for less luggage. it’s just annoying that she can’t wear anything that’s not screaming holiday.

it occurs to her as she sits and scowls at her suitcase that her mother has been watching her from the doorframe for some undetermined amount of time, which is criminal mainly because she’s a goddamn hero-to-be and getting snuck up on by anyone is a blight upon her good name. she tries to disguise the ego damage dealt by glowering murderously in her progenitor’s direction.

“what the fuck do you want?”

“you know,” the she-devil says, cocking a hip, “if you want to borrow something nicer...”

“i wouldn’t be caught dead in your shitty clothes!” katsuki snarls, which prompts the witch to immediately scowl back.

“watch your damn mouth!”

“watch your waistline! no way in hell are we the same size!”

“why you little-”

the interruption at least reminds her that she is obsessing over her clothes ahead of meeting todoroki for lunch, which is so humiliating it kickstarts her brain again long enough to grab some normal shit and get the hell out of there.

on the walk she checks her phone again. the previous day she’d had to bite the bullet and make the first move, todoroki’s infamously terrible communication skills making themselves known once more, and their ensuing conversation had been so mortifying she’d nearly cancelled all-together.

to: Half ‘n half

Yo asshole are we still meeting tomorrow or what

I’m busy as shit

from: Half ‘n half

Yes. TS

to: Half ‘n half

What the fuck is TS

from: Half ‘n half

I was signing off.

to: Half ‘n half

SIGNING OFF ON YOUR OWN TEXT

YOU THINK I DONT KNOW YOUR DAMN NAME

from: Half ‘n half

[Pin attached]

Does here at 12.30 work for you?

to: Half ‘n half

Yeah whatever

Don’t be late

And don’t think I’m forgetting the fucking signing off thing

from: Half ‘n half

Glad you can make time for mockery in your busy as shit schedule.

the venue looks like some rich person shit, which she semi-expected, but it means a lot of people give her weird looks as she makes her way inside, probably on account of the shorts and t-shirt she’s wearing if not her general vibe. some old woman actually drags her purse to her, which makes katsuki sorely tempted to bare her teeth and maybe hiss for effect, though she settles for scowling and shoving her hands in her pockets. it’s 12.27, because she wasn’t going to be late but being any earlier would have given off some dubious impression that she’s eager to see todoroki, except now she kind of wishes she’d just come for 12.30 because if there’s some reservation bullshit she gets the feeling she’s going to start fighting with the waiting staff, and then-

“bakugou,” todoroki calls, from inside, raising a hand with unnecessary formality. “you made it.”

“course i made it,” katsuki grunts, absolutely not relieved as she by-passes the suspicious looking waiter to join her outside. “think i can’t ride the damn underground by myself?”

todoroki is wearing jeans cuffed at the ankles and a white t-shirt on top of which she’s thrown on an open button-up with the sleeves rolled up, and she looks casual and normal and incidentally kind of like they dressed to match, but the important part is that she doesn’t look dressed up at all, so katsuki was totally right about the non-date situation, and also isn’t the only one totally underdressed for the shitty venue.

“you look nice,” todoroki says then, completely shattering katsuki’s brief moment of reprieve. “i’ve never seen so much color on you.”

katsuki almost chokes on her own tongue, but the worst part is that the asshole seems completely nonchalant about the weird as shit observation, focused on her stool as she takes a seat on the balcony. which- what the actual fuck? since when does todoroki issue compliments unprompted- of the non-professional variety, at that? and what the fuck does she expect katsuki to say now- return the compliment? say thanks? is this whole thing some kind of exercise in psychological torture?

well, fuck it. she can’t look like a little bitch just because todoroki said something inanely positive. two can play that game.

“yeah. you look half decent yourself. did you hire someone to dress you for the occasion?”

todoroki blinks up at her in surprise, which is totally a win and would make her more smug if she could stop feeling so weird and prickly all over. for a dangerous moment todoroki seems on the verge of blushing, but miraculously the world rights itself and the usual deadpan persists, one brow quirking up in completely feigned ineptitude.

“there was a compliment somewhere in there, so thank you, i think. i thought we were past this vendetta.”

“we’ll be past this vendetta the day you burn your piece of shit hero suit,” katsuki retorts, back on familiar ground, and relaxes long enough to squint down at the menu.

this turns out to be a mistake.

“the fuck? is this whole thing in french?”

“oh,” todoroki says, after a beat. “that makes sense. i thought my english had deteriorated.”

“are you- you didn’t know? you recommended the place!”

“it was the nearest place to our hotel,” todoroki defends, now having the decency of looking slightly put out. “coq can’t mean what i think it means, can it?”

“that’s chicken, asshole,” katsuki hisses, flinging the menu down. “great, now we’re going to have to flag down one of the shithead waiters and ask for a japanese menu. excuse me! hey! yeah, i’m talking to- what the hell, did he just blow me off? hey, jackass! you with the shitty mustache!”

“sorry about that,” todoroki interjects, when mustache asshole turns an offended stare their way. “do you have the japanese menu?”

“we only serve the food in its authentic form,” mustachioed asshole says, with frigid self-satisfaction. “might i suggest google translate?”

“might i suggest my foot up your ass, you shitty-”

“that’s fine,” todoroki says, in a flat tone that implies otherwise. “we’ll make do.”

the waiter sniffs pretentiously as katsuki thinks about all the ways she could beat his ass into next tuesday, running an aggravated hand through her hair when the wind rustles it into her face. she’d half expect todoroki to suggest they fuck off elsewhere, but when she looks back her way she finds an ill-boding gleam of determination in her eyes despite the impassive set to her face, and it’s a testament to how fucked in the head ua has made katsuki that she feels a sort of sick thrill of recognition at the sight. todoroki’s in stubborn bitch mode.

“i’ll have this,” todoroki says, sure enough, pointing to the most expensive item on the menu. “and also this. and one of those.”

the waiter’s eyes nearly pop out of his skull, and todoroki looks unfazed in katsuki’s direction, tapping pointedly at a sleek black and red credit card in her wallet. “bakugou?”

well, if endeavour’s paying....

“sure,” katsuki says, slowly, and then turns her meanest smile the waiter’s way. “i want the frog legs.”

mustache clears his throat, attempts condescension. “we don’t serve that here.”

“you’re a gastronomique restaurant,” katsuki says very loudly, as other clients turn to stare, “and you don’t have fucking frog legs? is this a joke? does this napkin say authentic french cuisine or am i hallucinating?”

“i can ask the chef,” the waiter demurs, casting a nervous glance at the muttering snobs nearby, and attempts an ingratiating smile. “anything else for you, mademoiselle?”

“what did you just call me?”

once the ordering debacle is over, todoroki slants katsuki what may well be an apologetic glance, vaguely contrite frown sitting pretty atop her usual dead-eyed stare.

“i probably should have read up on the place ahead of time.”

katsuki is well within her rights to chew her head off, she thinks, but food’s on the way and she got to yell at the asshole who gave her the once-over when she came in, so she’s feeling forgiving, even in the face of todoroki’s annoyingly doll-faced apology. the bitch really has to do the bare minimum and she looks like a fucking kpop idol.

“yeah, whatever. i always knew you were a shitty ops planner.”

todoroki, who is an asshole, looks relieved at her generous forgiveness for all of a second before she quirks a brow. “between the two of us, i only count one person who has actually spoken the words ‘shoot first, ask questions later’.”

“that was in a training simulation,” katsuki protests, outraged. “and you know damn well the actors were annoying as shit!”

“i did find them slightly too committed to the role,” todoroki concedes neutrally, which totally means she agrees with katsuki 100% and is being precious about it. katsuki scoffs.

“least the view’s decent.”

“the-“ todoroki starts, in weirdly confused tones, until she follows katsuki’s gaze outward and nods in understanding. “oh, the skyline. yes.”

what else katsuki could have meant she doesn’t fucking know: they’re sitting pretty in the middle of tokyo. the only thing the hellhole of a restaurant has going for it at this point is the cityscape.

todoroki stares out into the distance for a good long moment, and with the breeze her negligently loose hair whips this way and that, red and white blur where the two halves mingle. instinctively katsuki itches to braid it flat so it doesn’t tangle. if todoroki asked her she’d tell her to just cut her damn hair into a bob or something- it’s not like icyhot has any attachment to her princess hair, and she’s got the obnoxious bone structure to pull off any length. not that she’d mention this last part. or that she’s given it much thought. it’s just fucking obvious.

if todoroki could keep her mouth shut throughout the rest of the meal, it could be sort of nice. tokyo skyline, and companionable silence, and presumably edible food. worse ways to kill some time, and way less incriminating than anything that may be said otherwise.

“i think this is the part where we make small talk,” todoroki says instead, sadist that she definitely is, as katsuki grimaces feelingly her way.

“no, we don’t.”

“well, we don’t. but this is the part where we should.”

“i don’t even believe you can last a minute of small talk, icyhot.”

todoroki looks pensive, mismatched eyes thoughtful. “...how has your day been?”

“uneventful,” katsuki says, combative, and eyes her watch. todoroki does not give.

“this place seems nice.”

“you don’t even think that.”

“how have you been finding tokyo?”

“noisy.”

“the weather seems-”

“no.”

“you look nice.”

“you said that already, dumbass,” katsuki grunts, palms crackling with sweat, and does not at all read into the way todoroki makes a stupid little movement with her mouth that could ungenerously be interpreted as a pout.

“well, i meant it, so i’m saying it twice.”

“give it up, half ‘n half, just ask me about training.”

“...how is your training?”

“i did this thing yesterday,” katsuki starts, leaning back in her chair, and from then launches into a very technical and barely exaggerated retelling of the batshit insane stunt she pulled off with her quirk the day prior. todoroki’s focused attention is gratifying, in a totally platonic non-weird way- it’s just that her parents couldn’t very well follow why exactly said stunt was as insane as it is, but todoroki obviously can, and also there’s that thing with todoroki where pulling a reaction out of her ice queen act is admittedly more satisfying than most people. it has jack shit to do with the fact katsuki’s got a very minor complex about todoroki paying her her dues, and even if it did then that’s entirely fucking reasonable considering she still hasn’t forgiven her for the sports fest incident. 

it is a little weird having todoroki’s sole focus on her outside of hero shit, though. it’s not like they really hang out one on one outside of school or work. it’s kind of- unnerving. yeah. unnerving, to be making prolonged eye contact, todoroki’s expression intent but not intense the way she gets in fight scenarios, frowning lightly because she has resting bitch face but apparently genuinely interested. it’s kind of a relief that todoroki asks questions- moves them safely into a conversation, so katsuki’s not just sitting there talking and sort of dry-throated. fucking waiter, leaving them water-less.

it’s fine. they talk about training, and quirks, and then todoroki pushes her hair behind her ears and leans forward to demonstrate on a small scale this thing she’s trying to do where she melts her ice and refreezes it in rapid succession so it causes what is essentially ice rain, but there’s logistics and shit that need to be worked out for it to work the way she’s thinking it might, and katsuki knows her thermal shit so they start scrawling maths over the napkins, and then bicker over the finer points of first year chemistry, so when the food actually arrives to interrupt them todoroki’s startled blink is weirdly relatable, like she also forgot where they were.

the waiter’s there and gone before they’re really recovered from the brief misplacement, which katsuki registers only when she looks down at her empty glass.

“goddamnit- how hard is it to bring us water?”

“they only offer sparkling,” todoroki says, gravely, then outpaces katsuki’s disgust by placing her hand over her glass, ice rising before she switches hands and melts it down. “tell me if the temperature’s off.”

intensely mollified and trying not to look it, katsuki sips it. “’s fine.”

“okay,” todoroki says, faintly pleased, and tilts her head to look down at her food. “i have no idea what any of this is.”

“moron,” katsuki snorts, except it comes out way fonder than it has any rights to, and from beneath the convenient curtain of hair todoroki’s smiling a little, so she hastily stabs a frog leg and gets to eating before anyone gets any ideas.

the actual meal goes okay-ish. most of the stuff todoroki ordered is extremely pretentious french cuisine, and todoroki secretly has the culinary adventurousness of a five year old, so it befalls katsuki to impatiently attempt every dish and pronounce it edible before todoroki will deign to brave it. she’s still trying to bully an unyielding todoroki into attempting the weird bird soup thing when there’s commotion nearby. it takes the both of them approximately three seconds to spring into work-mode; katsuki’s on her feet poised for a fight before she’s even consciously thought about it, scanning her peripherals, and she doesn’t even need to look to feel todoroki unconsciously covering her back, cool sting of air signalling her quirk at the ready. 

the commotion turns out just to be some old dumbass choking, relaxing them both out of their stances as she falls back to let todoroki ahead. they’re both uber-qualified for first aid shit, but she’s self-aware enough to know even todoroki’s bland reassurances are usually preferred to her bedside manner. unfortunately, the whole entourage seems to be braindead, because they’re all crowding the old guy in a panic while he chokes, his wife in shrieking hysterics.

“oh, my god, he’s choking! he’s choking! sugar-plum, stay with me!”

“fuck me,” katsuki mutters, unethically thinking that she would personally prefer choking to being married to someone who calls her sugar-plum, but todoroki’s pushing ahead with implacable calm, so she trudges after her anyways.

“excuse me. excuse me. i need access to your husband.”

“who are you? don’t touch him! help! get this woman off my husband!” wailing hysteric yells, bosom heaving dramatically. katsuki is starting to suspect she poisoned him on purpose or some shit, because no way does anyone talk like that in real life.

“she’s a fucking qualified first aid provider, lady, shut up and let her through!”

thankfully, the woman seems on the verge of an outrage aneurysm, which drags her focus away from suffocating her choking husband to dramatically pointing at katsuki long enough for todoroki to duck past her and reach the guy as he turns purple.

“how dare you speak to me that way? who do you think you are?”

“ma,” chinless moron number one says, clearing his throat. “i think that’s one of those future pros from TV.”

“what?”

“you know, ma,” chinless moron number two adds, glancing nervously between them. “the one that explodes things. you know. from UA.”

katsuki takes great pleasure in watching recognition dawn in the old cow’s beady eyes, but in any event there’s a hacking noise and then the old man’s coughing out a bone into his plate as todoroki steps noiselessly back from the table.

“he’s fine now. enjoy your dinner.”

“god, that was gross,” katsuki says, as they ignore the woman’s sputtering and return to their seats. todoroki tilts her head. 

“not really. if he’d thrown up it would have been.”

“not the choking guy,” katsuki scoffs, casting a glance back his way. “his wife. talk about theatrics.”

“she seemed more afraid of us than her husband dying.”

“for good reason,” katsuki mutters darkly, spreading out in her chair. “i hate civilians.”

“i don’t think she recognised us,” todoroki counters, pensive, and absent-mindedly takes a bite of the weird soup before she screws her face up like a betrayed kid. “oh. you didn’t say it was sweet.”

the look on her face thoroughly distracts katsuki from asking what other reason the pearl-clutcher could possibly have to be so terrified at the mere sight of them; instead, she chokes back a laugh, stifling a grin. “what are you, five?”

“i don’t think i like this,” todoroki says, mournful, which makes katsuki grin harder. she can’t help it- todoroki looking stupid is her kryptonite. 

“then don’t pick a restaurant where you can’t read the menu, next time.”

todoroki’s midway to looking up, but for some reason her expression transforms instantaneously, which makes katsuki reflexively try to quash her amusement. todoroki always gets weird when she’s smiling. 

“next time?”

motherfuck. obviously she didn’t mean next time like next time, she meant next time like- hypothetically, in the future, when todoroki’s on a lunch date with someone else. a lunch non-date. she’s just about stopped sputtering furiously long enough to try and express this sentiment when it occurs to her that todoroki seems- pleased, one eye soft sky-blue when katsuki accidentally meets it, and that draws her up short long enough that she ends up just muttering lamely to herself. fucking todoroki. 

on the heels of this utter embarrassment, she downs the rest of her water, scowls in a neat 180 at everything in sight, and wonders for the first time in her life how the fuck extras get through dates. not that this is one.

it’s fine. they’re done eating, and no one’s died, and katsuki is no longer fifteen and thus mostly trusts her ego to lick its wounds and recover from the ordeal. even if they stick around for desert that’s only another half hour of this to endure. as long as todoroki doesn’t make any sudden moves they’ll be fine.

...the problem is, of course, that sudden moves are todoroki’s modus operandi. katsuki has not forgotten the bitch calling them friends on national television in the same breath that she was vociferously denying them being anything of the sort. in todoroki’s fucked up brain, they’re always ten steps ahead of whatever they actually are- considering katsuki’s come around to privately acknowledging she’d take a couple more stakes through the gut for the asshole, in todoroki’s world they're practically hitched.

platonically. platonically practically hitched. this is not a thing, goddamnit. no matter the weird looks aizawa’s been giving them, or utsushimi’s nefarious schemes, or the alarming cardiopulmonary condition katsuki’s been developing of late. she’s not some shitty yuri protagonist pining over the nearest female bishōnen in her vicinity.

admittedly if she was to pine over anyone it sure as fuck wouldn’t be some guy, but that’s besides the point, since pretty damn near every person on earth is just some guy by her standards, regardless of gender. the fact that todoroki is not one of said people is entirely irrelevant.

her internal irritation is so distracting that she misses the tremors nearby until entirely too late, by which point todoroki’s stupidly perfect brows raise an incremental fraction and she goes: ‘oh’.

when todoroki goes ‘oh’, some shit is about to go down. 

katsuki turns slowly with an impending sense of doom, and sure enough, the sight that greets her is so nightmarish she seriously reconsiders whether the entire day has been just that. 

“don’t freak out,” a giant building-sized deku booms, apologetically, as his hideous giant face stares at them. “it’s just a quirk thing.”

it’s probably a good thing katsuki has gone speechless with outrage, since it permits todoroki’s constantly composed ass to ask useful questions katsuki probably would have coated in a fair amount more threats and cursing.

“midoriya. i didn’t know you were in tokyo.”

“well, i wasn’t meant to be,” deku says/booms like a foghorn, as the restaurant clientele shrieks and stampedes behind them. his sheepish expression is even more punchable when magnified. “it’s a long story. it’s almost sorted out now, though. i just saw you guys from over at the NPA office and thought i’d come ask if you maybe wouldn’t mind lending a hand? i wouldn’t ask but there’s going to be a lot of cleanup and your quirks would be really helpful to-”

“we’ll do it as long as you shut the fuck up,” katsuki yells, to cut him off, massaging her temples. “the monologuing’s bad enough when you’re not about to burst my fucking eardrums, jackass.”

“oh, sorry! i’m trying to be very quiet but this body’s just hard to get used to- thank you so much for helping, i didn’t mean to come bother you on break...”

“it’s fine,” todoroki says, and then seems to realise that her monotone doesn’t reach midoriya’s giant-ass ears and clears her throat, raising her voice to a shout. “it’s fine. let me go deal with the bill and then we’ll go.”

“sorry?” midoriya whisper-shouts, craning his monstrous head closer to them, the sight of which will haunt katsuki for the rest of her life. “i can’t hear what you’re saying!”

“she said she’s going to go pay for our nice fucking lunch,” katsuki hollers, with no small sense of satisfaction, as deku winces and todoroki slinks off. “since you want to come crashing it like a dipshit.”

“sorry, kacchan!” deku begs off, flapping hand gestures creating enough wind to knock over a nearby umbrella stand. “i just thought it would be a lot of help if you came to oversee the fall-out- especially with the building damage-”

“we’re good,” todoroki announces, to katsuki, apparently having given up on matching her in decibels. she’s got that classic hero look on her face, already in work mode, but just when katsuki’s about to do the same and jump into action, the look wavers a little and she frowns vaguely awkwardly. “thanks for doing lunch.”

“huh?” katsuki stutters, thrown, and then scowls at nothing in particular, stalling. todoroki’s the one who paid, albeit indirectly- it’s typically weird of her to be all formal about it all of a sudden, leaving katsuki to attempt to wriggle them out of the awkwardness of the moment. “i didn’t do shit except show up and eat, weirdo.”

“it’s been abnormally hard to show up and eat in the circumstances,” todoroki replies, a little wryly, and more concerningly a little resigned sounding. which is just unnatural, because todoroki may have expanded her range of emotions considerably since first year but resignation is not on her usual roster, and there’s nothing to be resigned about unless she had some kind of vested interest in this whole fiasco playing out any better than it did.

which she didn’t, obviously. katsuki’s been through this. she chose the nearest possible venue and rocked up in jeans and a t-shirt, and- and why is the fact that todoroki never dresses so normally out of class only now occurring to her, again?

she’d said ‘i think this is the part where we do small talk’. the part of what?

“yeah, whatever,” katsuki says, automatically, as her brain plays catch-up, which is the excuse she will forever stick to for what leaves her mouth next. “should have known you’d be a lousy date.”

todoroki goes ‘what?’ at the same moment deku does, ten times louder and more bug-eyed, which reminds katsuki that 1) deku is still there, 2) deku is still as big as his martyr complex, and 3) deku is the fucking worst, and allowing him to trap her into friendship is somehow responsible for this, she’s sure of it. 

“can we go handle this fucking mess or what?” katsuki snaps, instead of screaming or breaking deku’s very large nose or maybe self-immolating in abject humiliation, hands erupting into explosions as she jumps onto the balcony railing. maybe if she throws herself headfirst into the debris she’ll concuss herself and turn amnesiac. 

“um,” deku is saying, when she turns a withering glare his way. “um, yes! yes! yeah! let’s go do that!”

so she jumps skywards, explosions blasting her high into the air, and very scrupulously does not look towards the sounds of slick ice forming just behind her until todoroki skates into her peripheral vision, hair waving flag-like behind her. ahead there’s a building with a crater clean through it where deku must have erupted from, though when she turns to comment she finds him a fair deal behind them, lumbering pace slowed further as he avoids stepping on anyone or anything along the streets. instead her eyes lock on todoroki’s where the latter is staring at her, face unreadable, and she bristles hard enough to disrupt trajectory, correcting course rapidly before she plummets into an office.

“what?”

“i’m a lousy date,” todoroki repeats, neutrally, over the wind. katsuki grits her teeth.

“and what about it?”

she’s bracing for a lot, but not the horrible, sickening eye-crinkle thing todoroki does, dark eye twinkling even as her expression stays carefully impassive. “you think you can do better, then?”

“hah?”

“next time,” todoroki intones, very precisely, and then dips ahead like a complete coward as katsuki goes a color never previously visible to the human eye, sifting through about fifteen emotions before she decides to stick to outrage.

“what the hell? you suck at asking people out, icyhot!”

“you don’t have to say yes.”

“what, you think i can’t do better than this mess? you’re on, asshole.”

“i look forward to it,” todoroki says, gravely, and then there’s a collapsed building to handle and shit to do and if anyone wants to ask why katsuki is so especially gleeful in blowing shit up they wisely keep their mouths shut. she just likes the job, all right.

(for the record, it’s still not a date until katsuki says it is.)

#qui repond #qui ecrit #anon #prompts #tdbk #todobaku #fem todobaku #fem todo #fem baku

[5thmarauderwrites]

The Thin Line Between Loathe and Desire — James Potter x Reader [Part II] | Request.

Read Part I here.

Requests are: OPEN.

Requested by Anonymous: “Could you do a James x gryffindor reader where they have a sort of rivalry because she keeps going around to ruin the marauders pranks since she doesn’t believe in Slytherins being ‘evil’. 💖💖 “.

Pairing: James Potter x Fem!Gryffindor Reader.

Word Count: 5,1K

Warnings: Just cursing -- i guess.

A/N: it took me a while to be able to finish this but part II is here, happy halloween everyone! :D and yes, there will be a part III and almost certainly a part IV (and maybe a part V, i don’t know, i really got into this request lol). didn’t have the time to revise this so i’m sorry about any probable grammar mistakes and everything else. hope you guys enjoy it!

“Absolutely not! I don’t want any of you to get in trouble because of me,” Remus snarled as he eyed James, Y/N and Sirius; all three of them sending him hopeful glances, as they stood in the middle of the boys’ dormitory.

“But Moony-,“ James started to make his point, but was harshly cut off by Remus.

“There are no buts, James!” He pursed his lips firmly as he spat the words. “If McGonagall catches the three of you breaking into the library and into the restricted section to steal a book that’s strictly forbidden to students in our year, you’ll all be expelled!”

“We’re not going to steal it, Rem,” Y/N rolled her eyes. “We’ll simply transcript a recipe from it. The book will never leave the library limits. Besides, no one is going to catch us.”

“I don’t care, you’re not doing this and that is all there is to it,” Remus answered in an end-of-conversation tone and walked into the bathroom stomping his feet and slamming the door behind him.

“We’re still doing this, right?” Sirius lowered his voice as he double-checked with his friends.

“Obviously!” Y/N and James both exclaimed in unison, exchanging knowing glances as they did.

“Alright lovebirds, why am I feeling as if I’m being left out here?” Sirius quirked his brows as his index finger drew a circle between the three of them.

“Because Remus is not stupid, he’ll figure out that we sneaked into the library eventually and we’ll need someone here to stall him and preventing him from realising this for as long as possible,” Y/N shrugged as if it was obvious.

“Good point,” Sirius scrunched his face, shrugging lightly. “But why do I need to be the one staying behind?”

“I obviously can’t be the one to do so because I’m a girl and this is not my dorm,” Y/N smiled wryly. “And Potter is painfully predictable, so, he’s not a viable option either.”

“Oi! Excuse you?! I’m not predictable!” James narrowed his eyes, frowning.

“Oh, but you are!” Y/N rolled her eyes at him, crossing her arms across her chest.

James opened his mouth to hit back, but Sirius cut him off. “As much as I love hearing the affectionate words you throw at each other, can we focus for a moment? What about Wormy? He could be the one to stay here and distract Moony.”

“Seriously, Pad? We all know Wormy is easily scared, it’ll only take a glare from Moony for him to break down and toss everything out,” James winged a brow, shrugging. “Besides, he’ll be doing detention for a good part of the night with Filch.”

“Yeah, you’re right…” Sirius heaved a sigh, defeated, as he massaged the bridge of his nose. “Fine, I’ll stay here and cover for you and Prongs.” He agreed, looking at Y/N.

“It’s settled then,” Y/N nodded, turning to James afterwards. “You and I are going to break into the restricted section tonight, the soon we start brewing this potion, the better.”

As soon as James voiced his agreement, the bathroom door swung open and a calmer Remus appeared, his right hand closed against the handle as he glanced at the floor. “I’m sorry I snapped at you lot. I didn’t mean to be rude nor to sound ungrateful. I’m incredibly lucky to have you as my friends; I just don’t want you to jeopardize your future for something that can’t be cured nor changed.”

“Rem, I-,” Y/N’s voice was uncommonly soft as she furrowed her brows, glancing at the sandy-haired boy.

“Please, don’t apologize. You did nothing wrong, you were just trying to help me. Let’s just not talk about this anymore,” he smiled weakly at the y/h/c girl, exiting the dormitory after that.

Sirius quickly followed his friend’s steps but, as soon as Y/N mentioned to leave as well, James gently grabbed her by the wrist. She halted and turned to face him, her brows furrowed in confusion as she felt her hair rising on her nape at his touch and her usual confidence failed to show itself. Y/N shifted uncomfortably on her feet as a sudden shiver coursed through her spine and mentally cursed herself for having left her scarf at her dorm.

“What’s wrong?” James knitted his brows, suspiciously studying her.

“Nothing,” she answered coldly. “You can let go of me now.” She added, and James realised he still held her wrist.

“Oh, sorry,” he quickly apologised, releasing his hold against her wrist. His fingertips tingled at the sudden loss of her warm skin and James rubbed the back of his neck, assuming it had something to do with the cold weather.

“So? Why did you keep me here alone with you?” Y/N quirked her brows as she stared into his hazel eyes, awkwardly rubbing her own arms.

“Don’t flatter yourself, sweetheart. I didn’t want to be alone with you,” James scratched his chin playfully, hoping he’d look like he wasn’t embarrassed himself. “I just wanted to ask you how it’ll all play out tonight and I figured it was best if I did this out of Moony’s sight.”

“Well, for once you actually thought before acting, colour me impressed,” the girl retorted, getting her confidence back and crossing her arms in front of her chest. “Meet me in the Common Room at midnight. Bring your stupid cloak and the map and don’t be late.”

Y/N waited until he nodded before leaving to class.

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When the clock struck midnight James was seated on his bed, unsuspiciously reading his worn-out copy of Quidditch Through the Ages. The messy-haired boy had his blanket covering his legs so Remus wouldn’t notice he was wearing his jeans instead of the usual trousers of his pyjamas. James had been eyeing his sandy-haired friend through his peripheral vision and quickly let go of his book and climbed off his bed as soon as Remus dropped his quill and went into the bathroom for a shower.

James grabbed his invisibility cloak and the Marauders map from behind his pillow and hurried off their shared dorm, racing down through the steps that led back into the Gryffindor Common Room.

“You’re late, Potter,” Y/N rolled her eyes as the boy with unruly black hair entered the Common Room, getting up from the arm of the sofa she had been sitting on.

“And good night to you too, L/N,” James smiled wryly at her as he sneered. “If you had given me the chance to speak before scolding me, you’d know I was waiting for Remus to finish his bloody essay and go shower so I could sneak out.”

Y/N held a pinched expression as she folded her arms across her chest, glancing dismissively at James. “Let’s just go for Merlin’s sake!”

Rubbing his eyebrows, James motioned for her to get closer whilst he unfolded his cloak. Y/N walked towards him with a little bag in hands, stopping a few steps from him in what she considered a safe distance.

“What’s there?” James wrinkled his nose as he nodded to her bag.

“Parchments, quills and inks so we can copy the recipe,” she shrugged, unbothered.

James quirked his brows for a second before unfolding the map and mumbling the right words, tapping his wand into the enchanted piece of parchment.

“The path is quite clear so we should be good,” he announced, folding the map again and shoving it into his trousers’ back pocket.

Y/N nodded and awaited until James held his cloak high and slipped it over his shoulders to trace the final steps toward him.

“You’re not close enough,” he stated nonchalantly once she stopped.

“Excuse you?” Y/N retorted in a high-pitched voice, feeling her ears heat furiously. She thanked the poor lighting in the room as she felt a flush creeping across her cheeks.

“The cloak won’t hide us both if you stand miles away from me, darling,” he grinned mischievously and raised an eyebrow. He definitely noticed her embarrassment. “Does it make you nervous to get close to me, L/N?”

“In your dreams, Potter,” the girl spat in response, her lips pursed and her nostrils dangerously inflated. Y/N interlocked her fingers in the back of his neck and pulled him violently toward her. “Is that close enough for you?” She smiled wryly at him, ignoring the tingling sensation spreading all over her body.

James let out a gasp and blinked rapidly as he clutched on her waist to steady himself, a dazed look in his eyes. He didn’t know what he expected her to do, but it definitely wasn’t that.

“What? Cat ate your tongue, you arrogant toerag?” Y/N’s lips curled up into a smile as she surveyed him with a pleased expression.

James huffed and threw the cloak over Y/N’s shoulders. The fabric fell heavily, wrapping their bodies and hiding them from the outside world.

-

Y/N and James paced through the dark and silent hallways as quietly as they could, occasionally stumbling upon a prefect – but, thanks to James’ cloak, that wasn’t a problem. The two of them had to walk dangerously close together so the cloak could properly hide them both – which combined with the fact that they had to actually try to tolerate each other for the greater good, made the little incursion a thousand times more insufferable than they expected.

“Would you mind giving me a little space here?” Y/N rolled her eyes, pulling her hair over her shoulders and rubbing her neck in the exact point James’ hot breath was fanning.

James’ eyes unintentionally trailed across the bare skin of her nape, the smell of her fruity shampoo and woody oriental cologne flooding his nostrils with a mysterious and captivating scent that he caught himself inhaling deeply, almost as if he wanted to drown himself in it. He fought the sudden urge of tracing her y/s/c skin with his fingers, which were almost aching with the need of the touch.

“I gladly would, but I don’t want to get caught,” he replied drily after a few moments, stroking his own throat as he stared at the floor.

The uncomfortable silence that fell upon the two rivals for the short rest of the walk to the library, was only broken once they reached the back of the room and faced the rope that separated the forbidden books from the rest.

“We’re here,” Y/N announced almost in a whisper, frowning deeply as she studied the dusted old shelves ahead of them.

James clutched the fabric of his invisibility cloak in his hands and tossed it backwards, his mouth wide-open whilst he narrowed his eyes to read some of the book titles. He messily folded his cloak and jumped over the rope, offering his hand to Y/N to help her do the same.

Y/N, who held the same dazzled expression as James, absentmindedly took his hand and graciously passed her legs over the rope, stopping beside James and tilting her head a little to observe the long corridor of shelves.

“What now?” James asked, looking in the same direction as Y/N.

“Now we search for the Moste Potente Potions book and Damocles Belby’s potions journal.”

“Whose potions journal?” James asked, his eyebrows squishing together as he grimaced.

“Dear Godric,” Y/N heaved an annoyed sigh and rubbed her eyebrows. “Damocles Belby is the potioneer that invented the Wolfsbane Potion. We’re going to need his notes if we don’t want to kill Remus by wrongly concocting it.”

“Do you always have to sound like a bloody encyclopaedia? It’s annoying,” James rolled his eyes.

“I simply use my brain cells, unlike you Potter,” Y/N tilted her head and offered him a skewed smile.

Without further ado, the pair started to walk down the main corridor, halting abruptly once they realised their hands were still intertwined together. Y/N pulled her hand out of James’ hold violently and rubbed it as if it was burning, her face reddening furiously.

“Um, I- ah- sorry,” James stuttered after clearing his throat, feeling the inside of his ears fuming with a burning heat.

Y/N mumbled something unintelligible before turning her back on him and starting to walk further into the darkness of the corridor.

“L/N?” James called, grabbing his wand from the back pocket of his jeans.

“What?” She spat, annoyed, as she halted and turned on her heels.

“Where do we start looking?” He shrugged.

“Right…” she mumbled, shutting her eyes closed and shaking her head quickly as if trying to focus. “You take the left wing in the Potions section and I’ll take the right.”

James signalled his agreement by nodding at the y/h/c girl and walked behind her to the last section of shelves of the Restricted Section. A big, dark wooden plate with the word Potions carved in golden floated above their heads in the middle of the main corridor.

“Lumos,” James murmured, rising his wand in the direction of the hallway on his left.

“Potter?” Y/N’s voice came from behind him before he could take any steps.

“Yeah?” James looked over his shoulder whilst his body turned to her.

“Please do not touch anything other than the books we’re looking for. This is called Restricted Section for a reason,” she winged her brows, a wry smile on her lips.

“Oh, really? What do you think I am? A bloody kid?” James knitted his brows with a grimace, shrugging as if he couldn’t believe she felt the need to tell him that. He knew very well that some of those books could be incredibly dangerous and some weren’t even supposed to be touched.

“With your behaviour it’s hard to tell, darling,” Y/N quirked her eyebrows mockingly, clenching her teeth.

James rolled his eyes in response and climbed down the side hallway, his eyes avidly searching for any sign of the needed books. His wand trailed each and every shelf, casting a spooky lighting into the worn-out books. He shuddered occasionally at some of the creepy titles as he descended deeply into the narrow corridor, wishing that he could find the books required to properly brew the potion soon so he could get the hell out of there.

“C’mon, where are you…” he muttered to himself, his wand treading its light through the last bottom shelf. “There you are!” James grinned as the spine of the old copy of Moste Potente Potions shone in the dim light.

The hazel-eyed boy quickly pulled the book from the shelf and leaned in slightly, his head tilting to the side and his eyebrows furrowing whilst he studied the worn-out reddish brown cover. The book was dusty and mouldy and the hard cover presented a handful of wrinkles, granting the copy an appearance of a several centuries aged book.

James carefully held the book in his arm and climbed up the narrow corridor, his hand lifted in front of him and his wand casting a bluish light on his path.

“I’ve got the book! Did you happen to find the journal?” He asked Y/N when he approached her location, bouncing the book in the air. The Gryffindor girl was pacing tirelessly and anxiously muttering something to herself, seemingly unbeknownst to his presence. “Are you alright?” He knitted his brows, his left hand landing on her shoulder and squeezing it lightly.

Y/N jumped slightly once she felt his squeeze. “Godric, Potter! Are you trying to give me a heart attack?” She gasped, a hand flying to her chest and another swatting him for scaring her.

“What in Merlin’s name were you doing mumbling there like a loony?” James winced, his head tilting to the side.

“You’re the loony here, you sneaky twat!” Y/N rolled her eyes. “I was thinking. Look.” The y/h/c girl pointed her wand to the higher shelf in front of them; the spine of a thin, black leather covered book catching James’ eyes.

“Damocles Belby,” James whispered with narrowed eyes, reading the metallic golden letters. “Oi! That’s the journal we need!” He exclaimed in a much louder tone of voice, snapping his head in Y/N’s direction.

“No shit, Ravenclaw!” Y/N raised her eyebrows and widened her mouth in a satiric smile.

“Aren’t you just charming?” James smiled wryly. “Why haven’t you picked it up yet?”

“I know you’ve got poor eyesight, but seriously? It’s too far up, I’m tall but I’m not Hagrid,” the girl lifted a single eyebrow and cocked her head.

James rubbed his eyebrows, squeezing his eyes shut. “You do realise you’re a bloody witch, don’t ya? Have you tried using a summoning spell?”

“We’re in the Restricted Section, Potter, not the Charms classroom!” Y/N spat as she flashed him a cold smile. “Summoning spells won’t work here. The higher the book, the more dangerous it is, which means it’s going to be heavily protected from preventing unauthorized students like us from grabbing them.”

“Well, when you put it like that…” James grimaced, shrugging lightly. His brows furrowed as he tried to think of a way to get their hands on the journal. “Wait!” He exclaimed excitedly after a few minutes, his features lightening up whilst a smile took over hips lips.

“Oh, no. No, no. It’s never a good sign whenever you get this look on your face,” Y/N heaved a sigh and shook her head repeatedly; her brows squishing together and her eyes widening desperately.

“It’s always a good sign because this look is reserved to my best ideas,” James tilted his head pompously, his eyes sparkling and gleaming and a wide grin spreading over his face.

“Merlin help me,” Y/N scowled as she gazed at the ceiling of the library, scrapping a hand through her hair.

“Now hear me out, L/N, would ya?” James boisterously waved his hands in the air, winging his eyebrows and leaning in slightly. “We could get this journal two ways: using a broom – which will be impossible since we don’t have one with us and summoning spells don’t work here – or I can lift you up on my shoulders so you can pick it up.”

Y/N blinked repeatedly whilst she stared at James’ smiling face, trying to assimilate what he had just said. “Excuse you? You’re not lifting me up,” she grimaced, folding her arms across her chest.

“Do you have a better idea?” James grimaced, the corners of his mouth turning downwards.

Y/N huffed and bit her lower lip before waving a hand in dismissal. “Fine.”

The y/e/c-eyed girl got closer to James and rested her hands on his shoulders, picking up steam in the hand he held up to her and graciously passing her leg across his shoulders, sitting on them. James lifted his arms up searching for her waist to steady her and gulped when his hands touched her bare skin as her jumper rose up a bit when she stretched herself trying to reach the book. Y/N jumped slightly at the feeling of his hands, the warmth it provided spreading from her waist, to her stomach and splitting across her whole body. James unconsciously tightened his grip and stiffened his posture, a sudden and sharp – but weirdly also pleasant – discomfort taking over his stomach.

“You alright there, L/N?” He asked, blatantly ignoring the unknown urge he felt inside of him.

“Dead chuffed!” The girl retorted with a wry smile as she unsuccessful tried to reach the journal one more time. “Damn it!”

“What’s wrong?”

“I can’t reach it. I’ll have to climb up a couple of shelves.”

“Have you gone mental?” James crocked his head to the side and threw it back so he could gaze at her. His eyebrows were wrinkled and his eyes slightly narrowed. “These shelves are as old as those books; they might not support the weight and crumble down with you in it.”

Y/N stopped abruptly and quirked a single eyebrow, slowly looking down at James. “Be careful with your words, Potter. It may sound as if you were worried about me,” she teased, a playful smile on her lips.

“I am worried,” he shrugged nonchalantly, causing the girl to widen her eyes. “About the school’s patrimony,” he added, winking at Y/N and grinning.

“Sod off, you annoying prick!” Y/N smirked despite her best efforts not to, rolling her eyes and playfully smashing her foot against his ribs. “That was a decent one, I’ll give you that.”

“Ouch!” James wriggled a bit. “That was bloody brilliant and you know that. It won’t kill you to admit it, you know?!” He grinned lopsidedly, shrugging lightly.

“Yeah, let’s not go that far Potter,” Y/N looked down her nose at James, her brows wrinkled and her lips twitched. “Now would you please get closer to this bookshelf so I can climb it?”

“You know I’m brilliant, even though your enormous ego will never allow you to say it out loud,” he winged his eyebrows and his chin jutted whilst he walked closer towards the bookshelf.

“My enormous ego? Mine? You are the self-absorbed toerag that thinks you’re so much better than all the Slytherin students, darling, not me,” Y/N pressed her lips together and widened her eyes in annoyance as she carefully placed her feet on a shelf and lifted her weight from James’ shoulders. “If anyone has an enormous ego here, it’s you.”

“I don’t think ’m better than those snakes,” James shrugged and pouted with a grimace as he gazed at Y/N’s figure carefully and efficiently climbing the shelves. “I reckon everyone is better than them.”

Y/N had to close her eyes and take a deep breath as her fists clenched slightly at the edge of the bookshelf. “Your point of view is as medieval as blood-purists’.”

“You can’t be serious right now. Are you really comparing me to blood supremacists?” His mouth slackened and his eyes widened as a shocked frown took over his features. James stared at Y/N’s back for a moment before swallowing hard and turning away, walking towards the opposite bookshelf. He felt as if his stomach was dropping and his jaw clenched slightly in a mixture of anger and sadness. James knew Y/N loathed him as well, but he never thought she’d actually hate him to this point. “That was a low move. Even for you.” He said, acting on impulse as he rested his palms on the shelf in front of him and leaned in slightly, steadying himself.

“You want to talk about low moves, James? You out of all people? A prick who judge every single Slytherin student based on a stupid misconception?” Y/N spat, her lips pursing as she climbed furiously through the shelves, not really caring about the scary creaky sounds the wooden bookshelf was making.

“Stupid misconception? It’s a fact – and a bloody well-known one – that the biggest majority of You-Know-Who’s followers came from the Slytherin house!” James huffed, his knuckles white due to the strength he was using to clench his fists. He was breathing heavily and his eyes held a deadly look.

“It doesn’t mean anything! It doesn’t mean that every single one of them will choose the dark path!” She almost yelled as she finally grabbed the journal; looking over her shoulder. Then it all happened quite fast, Y/N’s foot slipped violently when she accidentally brushed it slightly on a book and next thing she knew, she was falling from a considerable height.

“Y/N!” James shouted, instinctively running quickly towards Y/N and easily catching her. Something inside of him softened when he looked at her face and saw her trembling lips and her anguished frown. His whole body relaxed and the previous anger he felt from their little argument dissipated once he noticed her pained stare and her shoulders curling over her chest. Y/N’s eyes were twinkling with unshed tears and he knew it wasn’t from the nearly fall, it could never be. She was too adventurous and brave to be afraid of heights. “Are you alright?” He asked in a soft tone of voice he had never used with her before, which made the girl widen her eyes slightly in surprise.

“Yes,” Y/N cleared her throat and jumped out of James’ arms. “I am. Thanks for catching me, Potter.”

“Oh that- that was- you’re welcome,” James stammered, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly and shoving his free hand into his pocket.

Y/N nodded gawkily and her chin dipped down as she stared wide-eyed at the floor, taking quick steps in the direction of the main corridor of the Restricted Section. James cleared his throat and tugged at the collar of his jumper before grabbing the Moste Potente Potions book he had left on the bookshelf and following her out of the forbidden hallways back into the library.

“Can you please copy the recipe after I read it and whilst I go through Damocles’ journal?” Y/N asked, stopping at the table where the bag with the parchments, ink and quills she had brought with them laid over.

“Sure,” James shrugged.

Y/N plunk down in one of the chairs around the said table and sunk her hands into the bag, picking up what they’d need to transcript both the recipe and Damocles’ notes. James took the seat opposite to hers and made himself comfortable whilst she slid two pieces of parchment and a quill to him, placing the inkpot in the middle of the table between them.

“Alright, here we go,” Y/N heaved a sigh as she pulled the heavy and worn-out copy of Moste Potente Potions to her, opening it and tracing her fingers through the summary page, looking for the Wolfsbane Potion recipe page.

James watchfully studied Y/N as she trailed her fingers through a yellowish page of the book, her features furrowing up slightly insofar as she was reading the black-inked words. Her y/h/c locks were falling over her shoulders and faintly touching the book pages, the scent of her fruity shampoo radiating intensely from it. Y/N rested a fist downwards her chin and, subconsciously, James mirrored her body language, tilting his head to the side and parting his lips to moisten them with his tongue. The hazel-eyed boy slid his index finger through his wet lips, rubbing them slightly, not daring to look away from the overly focused girl seated in front of him – whom was completely oblivious to his intense staring. James darted his eyes to her lips and a warm feeling burst from the pit of his stomach to his chest, arms and hands – causing an involuntary shiver to go through his spine – once the girl’s teeth bit down on her bottom lip. He squeezed his eyes shut and cleared his throat several times, shaking his head quickly as if trying to cast whatever it was that was blossoming inside of him out.

“Potter?” Y/N’s voice brought him back to reality and once James opened his eyes again, he was met by a confused stare, her brows squished together. “Is everything alright?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?” He grimaced; pulling the collar of his jumper and feeling a sudden annoyance wash over him.

“There’s no need to be rude, you toerag!” Y/N retorted, narrowing her eyes. Her features held a pinched expression.

“I’m not being rude,” James scrunched his face as he gazed at the ceiling, his shoulders heavy and tense. “You’re being overly sensitive.”

Y/N pressed her lips into a thin line and closed the book with a loud bang, practically throwing it into James’ face without a word and getting a hold of Damocles’ journal that laid aside her bag. She furiously flickered through the pages until she found a completely scribbled sheet with his notes on the Wolfsbane Potion. Y/N dipped the tip of her quill into the inkpot and started to transcript the notes, pressing the quill rather strongly against the parchment. However, the anger James had awakened in her slowly started to dissipate as Damocles’ words sat into her mind; her scrunched face turning into an anguished frown. How the bloody hell was she supposed to brew such a tricky and complicated potion? How could she be a quarter as helpful to Remus as The Marauders were when she didn’t even have what it took to concoct a potion? A potion that could save Remus’ life in more ways than she could ever dream to imagine. A feeling of helplessness clouded her mind when she arrived at the last sentence of Damocles’ notes and she did her best to hide it from James as she copied the last word onto the parchment.

“I’m sorry,” James’ voice broke the silence, his tone almost above a whisper. “I didn’t mean to be rude, it’s just…” He trailed off, not sure what to say.

“You’re infuriating. And I reckon you think the same about me so there’s no need of apologies,” Y/N shrugged, avoiding his eyes as she glanced at the table with a blank expression. “Have you finished the transcription yet?”

James simply nodded and straddled the book to Y/N, who took it and placed Damocles’ journal on top of it, hopping off her seat. She picked up the books from the table and mentioned to walk into the Restricted Section to return them, but James gently held her by the arm.

“Let me place them back,” he muttered softly, grabbing the books from her hands.

Y/N nodded in agreement, still avoiding his eyes, and watched as the boy with unruly black hair made his way over the ropes and into the darkened narrow corridor.

James felt utterly angry with himself and at Y/N for some unknown reason, but he couldn’t avoid the guilty that was eating away inside of him. As he treaded the corridors, he thought about his uncalled for outburst and heaved a sigh. Maybe he was feeling guilty because of the fragile state the girl was in earlier that night when they argued about the Slytherins in the Restricted Section. James had never seen Y/N like that, she looked like she was broken and the slightest thing would shatter her into a million pieces. For some reason, that had left him with a feeling of unease. “Or maybe I’m just losing my touch,” James thought bitterly at himself, shrugging, as he placed the Moste Potente Potions copy back where it belonged.

After climbing up a few shelves on the other end of the corridor, James had put Damocles Belby’s journal in its rightful place and took great strides, heading back to the library. Once the hazel-eyed boy crossed the rope that separated the two parts of the space, he faced a completely empty room.

“Y/N?” He called, narrowing his eyes and rising his wand above his head so the bluish light could shine further. No answer.

James dipped around the third bookshelf on his right, walking over to the table he and Y/N previously occupied. It was empty, aside from his invisibility cloak. Y/N and her bag were nowhere to be found.

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