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kirbybecomesastarwarrior · 1 year

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Kirby becomes a Star Warrior: The Knightmare's End / Prologue:

Many years ago… before the arrival of Kirby.

It was a warm summer evening... the sun had just dimmed her light: as the moon overshadowed it with its stars. Nighttime was setting over Dreamland all was quiet. But the canyon winds would not silence their howls. Kabu knew all too well, these were “the winds of change.” Something was coming, or rather someone…

Suddenly, out in the distance, a shadowy figure appeared. Kabu watched as the newcomer made his way toward him. He could not read his appearance or intentions... As he came closer, his appearance and story became clearer.

Battered and bruised in all orifices… The stranger’s rusted old gray armor clanked as he moved ever closer. The midnight cape he adorned was tattered at the seams with the color fading. And a cracked (practically about to break) mask that covered his entire face; making it impossible to read. But it was obvious… this man was broken.

The soldier kneeled and humbled himself before Kabu, “Oh great sage Kabu, I have come seeking answers…”,

He took a long look at the unknown visitor and knew that he was a Star Warrior. He had not seen one in decades. Not since Sir Uther deemed this planet unworthy of protection. He and the Ancients abandoned its inhabitants and left them at the mercy of a Nightmare…

This left the old sage skeptical of his visitor “You have traveled far...state your purpose!”, commanded Kabu.

“I am Sir Meta Knight of the GSA, “the knight proclaimed. “The leader of the-,”

-Whoosh

The night air had silenced him as frigid winds of the canyon cut through his armor. Making him recall the aches and pains he felt in his body, forcing him to look backward. Giving him a painful recollection…The friends he made mistakenly accounted for, had all disappeared…he was alone.

His voice began to waver as he continued, “-the last member of my squadron… the lone surviving guardian”

“ Not so~” The old sage responded. “Somewhere in the galaxy, there’s a lone starship that-,”

“Kirby…,” the knight exclaimed. With a voice sounding so much brighter. “My Kirby…he-he survived!?” He immediately raised his head and propped himself up to stand.

“Where will he land, when will he land, will I be able to meet him before I- ?”

“I can not reveal all, but what I can say is this,” Kabu interrupted. But not out of impoliteness: in fact, the old sage continued in a tone so gentle as if he were comforting a child. “ Your search is over...you will meet him again...”

Finally, Kabu was able to meet his gaze and saw his eyes for the first time. They immediately flashed and shone a brilliant gold, until they illuminated into a vivid blue.

Opposed to his appearance, eyes told a different story. There was a vibrancy in them that clashed with his outward demeanor. There was a spark, a glimmer of hope... inside, there was still a will to live.

Then a great wave of embarrassment washed over the stoic warrior. Realizing how unprofessional he appeared just now: he spoke out of turn, twice even!

Such behavior was unbecoming of a Star Warrior!

“Apologies, I didn’t realize I interrupted you-.” flustered at his lack of decorum. "These years of war have affected my manners..."

Kabu reassured him, “There is no need for this, I understand… after all, you are his guardian”.

“What, I can’t be, how!?” he questioned. “How I erased his memory- I can’t be!?” The glimmer of his eyes disappeared and now were filled with utter fear.

This reaction baffled the old sage. “Are you not happy; this is what you sought for me…correct?” This man was ecstatic at the news of his child being safe just moments ago.

Something was wrong.

“No, I can’t be his guardian… be-, because of-,” he stammered. He wistfully grabbed his cape and yanked it off, revealing his darkest secret. Two shadows began to wrap around his back, and two bat wings unfurled from his spine. Which towered over his body. “This…”

The wise orale understood now; he had been touched by Nightmare. Looking at him woefully, “I see, you do not have long…” he said.

“If I were to be his guardian…” he explained. “Nightmare will surely-” Meta Knight lowered his head in shame. His whole being began to tremble, “Pitiful… to be saddled with a mentor like me.”

Meta Knight’s eyes turn dull to a melancholic gray… remaining silent. "Please, there must be a way to stop this... I CAN NOT FAIL THIS CHILD!" Kabu truly felt sorry for the lone star warrior. He understood why the warp star chose him… for Kirby. But knew of the consequences should he stay that child's keeper.

“There is a way... but first you must find a worthy candidate to replace you,” Kabu answered. “You still have the knowledge of his power; you will always be the real keeper of his warp star, his true guardian that is until you...”

“Well, then-.” Meta Knight responded. His eyes turned green, now brimming with determination. “I will do what I must.”

Then tucked away at his side, he unsheathed his sword. It started to glow ominously: as strands of light emanated from the blade: almost like a rope. They began to warp around both of his wings. A dark aura began to protrude from his back! Almost as if they were “rejecting this act” and then-

-CRACK!

“GAAAH-!” the knight cried in pain. The strands of light tightly bound his wings together, painfully squeezing them. He bit his lower lip to muffle his cries as they wrapped ever tighter. The binding of them burned the membrane of his wings. And slowly shrinking, retracting into his back and disappearing completely. Then he collapsed onto the ground.

*COUGH *COUGH

“You have bought yourself some time...but you are delaying the inevitable.” Kabu reacted in dismay. It was a wonder how he could even stand after that. “I'm afraid your fate: is written in the stars."

This ordeal left Meta Knight completely drained; he could hardly breathe. He began to hyperventilate, gasping for air. His lungs filled in and out with air at an unstable rate. He tried to make up for lost breaths. Slowly but surely, he started to breathe normally again.

He managed to pull himself up as if it was nothing and responded nonchalantly, “I already knew that... Fate was never on my side." The weary warrior slowly began to turn away from Kabu and looked at the crescent moon. “Pardon me... Kabu, but I must ask, where I may find a worthy candidate who can eclipse me?”

“You will find them in Castle Dedede,” the old sage answered. “She is a resident there.”

His eyes turned green once more; he was pleased by the news. “Yes, this will do nicely… all the pieces are lining up perfectly.” He looked back towards Kabu and bowed. “Thank you for your wisdom...”

As Meta Knight was walking away, Kabu called out, “He will come sooner than you think." The old star warrior stopped in his tracks as he continued. "Perhaps there is a chance for you to be saved."

“Saved...I appreciate the optimism, but," he scoffed."It's nothing more than a sweet lie in the end." He looked back for a moment "And I know my fate, please do not fill me with false hope..." and continued to walk away.

~ Besides all those who have tried, couldn't even save themselves... and ended up with a fate worse than mine.

"Mety Knight!" another knight was calling to him. And another accompanied him. "So is this the place or... are we gonna have to pack up?

"This is the place... we're staying." Meta Knight nodded. And with his hands, he gestured them to follow towards Castle Dedede.

"Yes sir!" his two subordinates gleefully answered. Ecstatic at the news... their leader made his way in front. Both of them tailing behind him.

"Um, excuse me, Sir Meta Knight?" one of them asked.

"Yes, Blade?"

"When is this warrior of yours going to bloody show up," He threw his arms over his shoulders. "What are we gonna do then?"

"Eventually... eventually he will, so until that day... "

Eventually, the day will come when you will have to stand without me. Eventually, the darkness will come to take me. Eventually, I will disappear. Eventually, I will become a distant dream. Eventually, I will be nothing but a memory.

But until then

Until then I will do everything I can to say by your side. Until then I will watch over you. Until I will guide you the best I can. Until the time has come.

Present time:

The time has come...

Meta Knight had managed to sneak away from the celebration. While everyone was busy making merrier at their success. Nightmare was gone... which means he was running out of time.

Luckily his room was still intact after the Nightmares invasion. Underneath there was a secret compartment that hid away carefully preserved four letters. Along with that four badges... But now that he was gone...

The time has come.

To say goodbye.

Notes:

Ladies and gentlemen at long last... the first chapter is finally out.

And with illustrations. I wanted to make it very storybook-like so all the lines have a crayon sketched look.

I wrote the prologue in such a way that it could stand alone as its own chapter. Or you could read it as the continuation of where I last left off in the story.

The story first arc of the story is based on the theory (a personal theory that I have always had). I DON'T THINK FUMU/TIFF was the real guardian of the warp star!

Here me out... Meta Knight's explanation: "It can only be guarded by one who truly loves and care for him." , But here's the thing.

Fumu was able to do this since the first day she met Kirby! How can you claim that it makes no sense... She'd have to know Kirby for a long time for that to be true.

The only one who fits this is Meta Knight... The man knows everything about Kirby. That's why I always theorized that it was actually Meta Knight... but transferred guardianship to Fumu.

I also used this as the reason why Meta Knight knows all of Kirby's abilities. The warp star was the source of Kirby's power so it would have the knowledge of his power. Since Meta Knight was the true guardian of Kirby he was endowed with this information.

-Sorry guess I was gonna post Saturday but then I forgot I also signed up for the Kirby OC tournament and it was delayed two days.

I will post this on the archive of our own as soon as I figure out the website. And the main pin page for the blog will always have links to all the chapters. Anyways hope you guys enjoy the first chapter.

#kirby #meta knight #KBASW #kirby fanfic #kirby anime #kirby of the stars #kirby right back at ya #kirby series #metadad

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bokettochild · 3 months

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Febuwhump Day 19 - "Please Don't"

@1caru @sweetlemonad I believe you asked me to make Four suffer?

Rating: Teen(?)

Wordcount: 4,600

Summary: Four has been acting strange as of late, and it's making Warriors worry. Worry becomes anxiety as he watches the smithy, and it's quickly apparent that while the others don't see it, something is Wrong with Four, something very, very bad. Maybe too terrible to be fixed.

(WARNING!!!!!!! This fic does not have a happy ending! There's room for interpretation, but it does technically qualify as lead character death and a bad ending, so read with caution!

Four is weird about magic.

They all have some hang ups of course, Twilight especially, which is odd considering the recent reveal of his own magic usage, but everyone has something they’re wary of. Legend doesn’t like the unknown as a rule, but if he’s allowed to learn about it, he’s less likely to avoid and more likely to just be cautious. Time grew up with magic, but he’s wary about anything that exudes large amounts of power, as the side effects are often weighty for the price of using it. Sky is still becoming accustomed to everyday magic use, whereas it’s part of Hyrule’s life, while still being something that’s a threat for the traveler. Wild thinks it’s cool, but mostly since it’s almost gone entirely by his time without great amounts of effort. Wind, like Legend, is wary of the unknown, but in the end, he’s just as curious as Wild is.

As for himself, Warriors grew up without much more than old stories to tell him about magic, stories he’d pass to his little sisters later in life, still not aware of how prevalent the forces that he spoke of truly were in his world. The war had plunged him headfirst into a world of magic usage and its users, and like with swimming, he’d been forced to acclimate quickly lest he be pulled under and die. Now, he’d dare to say he’s the person least likely to react to sudden magic usage, provided it wasn’t too very bizarre. Shapeshifting is an outlier, since there’s no way to get accustomed to suddenly different forms, or any way to expect it, but still, blasts of magic or power from weapons? They’d gone off all the time from the fighters gathered across time, during the war. He’s used to strange new magics appearing out of nowhere.

Four is odd about them though. Four is wary of anything he doesn’t understand, but unlike Legend who will poke at it, shields raised, Four will keep away at all costs. As far as the smithy seems concerned, magic and he can keep their distance, and while, unlike Twilight, he doesn’t object to others using it, he firmly rejects offers extended to him to let him try things as well. The Master Sword is their key example of such behavior, but there are others too; Legend’s items, Twilight’s crystal, and generally most magical weapons that are not their shortest’s own.

So, seeing Four watching, listening so intently as they sit down and demand answers from their rancher, it’s strange.

They’d all been a bit affronted at the secret of their wolf companion and the rancher being the same, but now that they have the opportunity to learn what, precisely, was the reason for it, how it happened at all, they’re all eager to have answers. By nature, it seems the hero’s spirit carries with it a sense of curiosity that can’t be dimmed no matter how many generations it has passed through. It’s less proficient at teaching, but that’s become a null point as Legend carefully handles the thing, asking questions rather than letting them all rely on Twilight’s abysmal attempts at explaining how the thing works or how he’d come to have it.

He’s not sure how Legend hasn’t transformed, since, according to Twilight, it should change whomever handles it. Still, the vet seems to be taking advantage of his apparent invulnerability to examine the magical item and do whatever a magical collector and scholar like himself does with such sorts of new things.

Four paying rapt attention though, eyes following the vet’s hands as Twilight explains that it is, essentially, shadow magic condensed, formed from a curse placed on him that a powerful magic user had lifted for him.

“How does shadow magic not screw you over?” The vet is dangling the necklace before his eyes, making them cross as his ears pin back, a harsh scowl fixed on the crystal.

Twilight shrugs, also watching the vet, but relaxed, mostly, as though he doesn’t fear what happens if the magic activates, but still would rather it not. Warriors wonders what would happen if it did. “It’s pure magic. Dark only in nature, but all ill intent was- wiped away I guess? She didn’t explain fully, what with us still dealin’ with the world nearly endin’ an’ all.”

The vet flicks at the crystal with one finger, making it spin slowly, glinting oddly in the fading light of the sun, contrasted by the low burning flames of their campfire. “Pure dark magic...” he muses. “Not evil...just...hnnn....”

“Ever seen something similar?” Wind asks, slumped across the rock the vet and rancher sit on, arms cushioning his head as he looks up at the two, blinking slowly like he’s maybe beginning to tire out after their long day.

“Nope.” Twilight sighs.

The vet tips his head on one side, nose shivering in a thought that’s not shared. “Maybe?”

Four hasn’t blinked since the idea of pure shadow magic was presented, and there’s a glitter in his violet eyes that makes the captain uncomfortable. He’s not sure what it is, Four’s a good kid and rarely is any trouble, but something about that look in his eyes.... it’s worrisome.

“Have you interacted with dark magic outside of Ganon‘s before?” Hyrule asks, staring at the vet as the other stops the crystal’s spin with one gloved hand. “I mean, at all?”

“Some,” the vet says, and then hands Twilight his necklace back, although his eyes linger even as the rancher holds it carefully by its chord. A twitch of the ears and then the younger adds, “a lot actually. There are so many dark mages and whatnot that I’ve met personally, and that's just in my world.”

“Your world?”

“I’ve been to others, and yeah, one of them actually had dark magic as the norm. Light magic was...” his ears swivel back, “people weren’t keen on meeting light magic users. Still, they weren’t awful, just different.” Violet eyes a shade softer than Four’s lift to catch the rancher’s midnight blue. “Your magic user friend, was she from a place where that was the norm?”

Twilight nods, tucking his charm back where he apparently keeps it, between his layers and around his neck. “Yeah. Not sure if hers was a ‘nother world or just...dimension?”

The vet nods.

“Whatever it was, her magic was what everyone had there, and folks good or bad could use it.”

“So,” Four finally speaks, and there’s something, Warrior can’t name what, but maybe it’s the intensity of those dark eyes on the magic master and the rancher, “dark magic isn’t inherently evil, just... different? Is that what you’re saying?”

The two exchange a glance, and by the prick back of the rancher’s ears, head lower but gaze staying locked with softer violet, he supposes the rancher cedes the right to answer to the scholar rather than speak himself. Legend accepts it easily though, titling his head on one side and fiddling with the bracelet on his wrist, not meeting Four’s eyes, perhaps because he’s thinking too hard, or maybe some other reason. “Here in Hyrule, as a rule, dark magic is just power clouded with impure intent and harmful nature. Anyone can wield it, anyone magically skilled that is, but it’s purity is determined by the purity of your actions.”

“And you know this because...?”

A flinch. “If one of us- those who wield magic- used our abilities with impure intent, it would take on a darker quality. If your goals start becoming selfish, or your wishes more violent, or even if vengeance or pride colors your actions instead of something else, your magic can alter to become more shadow like.”

His focus on Four drops at those words, mind flicking back. Pride, Legend said, could color your magic to darkness. “Is that why our shadows end up as they are? They’re a manifestation of impure intentions coloring our magic?”

A nod. “I think. Granted, they can also be fueled by other magic, if they gain enough sentience to be their own self. Then they can just draw on whatever magic is around them for strength, but they usually form as a result of selfishness and the like,” the vet’s shoulders hunch slightly, stiff with a thought that’s likely guilt if his experiences are at all like the captain’s. “That’s why they say the Master Sword might sometimes reject her masters. If your magic becomes corrupted enough by your thoughts and feelings, there’s no light magic to mark you as her intended wielder, and she’ll register you as a threat instead, making it impossible to wield or so much as lift her.”

Twilight shifts uncomfortably, eyes darting to the blade. Has he experienced that too? Should- is that something warriors can ask him? Maybe such a shared experience could be something they could talk about, use to connect with each other in the wake of the shit show that their relationship has been of late. Later though, right now, in front of the others, such a thing wouldn’t be best.

“But shadow magic is just magic with different intent?” Four pushes, “not it’s own type?”

A nod from the vet, ears still pinned back. “As far as I know. As a rule though, I don’t tend to linger and study dark magic, so I only know a very little bit through observation.”

“How then,” Time speaks up for the first time in a while, one good eye fixed on where his pup’s necklace lays, although it’s now covered with cloth and armor, “can it be pure?”

A snort. “That’s what I want to know! So far though, my best guess is that other dimensions and worlds sometimes have the reverse; darkness being the safe and good things, and light being a piercing and dangerous thing to them. So ill intent would be light, and purity would be....” a frown and the screwing up of doll-like features, “like the moon in contrast to the sun? People say the moon represents purity in some cultures, so for those worlds where darkness is good, like night, the dark nature of magic might be seen like we see the moon, but light magic is cruel and harsh like a desert sun.”

There’s nods all around, some with understanding clear on their faces, others with confusion, and some, like Wild, with cluelessness. Even for his frustrations with the kid, it makes him smile a bit to see Wild trying, but so clearly left out of the loop that anyone would know he’s just following their example and pretending to have a clue of what’s happening. It's a sure reminder that, for all the stress the boy causes, he’s still a kid under all those scars and wildly wielded weapons.

“When we get to my era, I want a chance to look at that thing again,” the vet turns on their rancher, curiosity still glittering under furrowed brows. “There’s someone we might be able to ask for answers there.”

He doesn’t say who, and Twilight doesn’t ask, but the rancher agrees easily enough.

The conversation slips away after that, Wind pestering Legend about his experiences with magic, the vet pushing the kid out of his space with a smirk and refusals, and Time asking his pup a few questions while the rest of them drift into something more understandable for their group as a whole. Through it all though, Four’s gaze remains fixed on where the crystal lies, eyes unchanging even in the flicking light of the fire and the dying glow of the sun.

Warriors has no clue why he’s watching the smithy, but the hair on the back of his neck standing on end and the shiver that creeps down his spine as he does so keeps him watching.

Four is weird about magic, discussing it or using it. Unlike the others whose intentions are somewhat clear, he doesn’t let on at all why he’s the way he is, or how he feels, just that he won’t touch it.

That night, as they settle to bed, Sky and Wind on first watch together and already chatting easily beside the fire, the captain’s mind won’t let the thought go. Resting his head on his arms, his mind flickers back to the thousand fairy stories he used to hear told by the village elders to smaller children when he was young, to the ones he’d picked up in bits and pieces when he was older, in Castletown, and even the few he’d learned during the war. There’s an irrational part of him that wonders if the reasons figures from the fairytales had treated magic as they did would match the smithy’s own, but there’s really no way of knowing. Even if the tales are based, in part, on the ventures of ancient heroes, there’s no way to know for certain what’s founded in fact or not.

Still, it’s been a long while since he’s drifted off with a fairytale rolling about in his head, and he’d dare say he sleeps better for it.

After that night, Four continues acting weird. There’s something wrong behind his eyes, something almost familiar, in ways that set off alarm bells in the captain’s head. Something about Four has changed, and while he can’t name what, the dark glint of eyes; eyes that, before, he could have sworn were changing color from time to time, but which are now always just a shade darker than the vet’s, now are glassy in their shine, absent, clouded. It’s not like a fever, he checks for that, and It's not anything that effects the smithy’s fighting, but there is a change. There's something Wrong, and Warriors doesn’t know what it is.

The others don’t see it though; not most of them. Sky stares at him, worry creasing lovely features as he asks if the captain is feeling okay. Time nods it off but doesn’t seem worried. Twilight- he doesn’t go to Twilight, or Wild. He’s...he’s not sure how well talking over his own concerns with those two will go considering their aptitude for not sharing with the rest of the group about things. He’s convinced it won’t help him at all. Wind listens, but dismisses it after a time, after talking with the smith and apparently assuring himself all is well. When he brings it to Legend, the younger man looks grim, and he sees the vet watching Four with wariness, but that’s not entirely unusual to begin with; Legend’s always been more wary of Four than the rest of them, although he’s never said why.

It’s nice to have someone take his concerns to heart, but considering Legend is a bit paranoid, that’s not saying much really. He’s sure if he’d said anyone was behaving oddly, in a way that the vet doesn’t have answers for, he’d still see walls rising against that person.

Four is different though. He was quiet before, but now he’s very quiet. He was reticent before, but now he’s almost avoidant. Where advice came easily, now it’s slow if it comes at all, and where battle strategies could be formed with the thought that their small smithy could and would slip between them to watch their backs, now injuries fall for the absence of the youngster, who’s often fighting alone rather than with the rest of them.

He gets that the others don’t notice, he does. Twilight and Time and Wild have each other, Sky is so often caught in his head or chatting with the vet, Hyrule isn’t close to most of them, but least of all with the smithy he shares little in common with. With Wind, the smithy seems himself again, in most ways, but the moment their youngest’s back is turned, it’s like a shadow falls over the smith’s face.

It’s making him feel wary. He can’t name why, and he hates himself a bit for it, but he finds he’s checking randomly for the knife he carries, hand slipping to his sword without him even thinking of it, and there’s a hissing at the back of his mind when they make camp. On one hand, he’ll be wanting to settle far away from those dark eyes, but on the other, there’s part of him that can’t stand the idea of not putting himself between the smith and the kids in their group, between Four and even Time. He doesn’t even know why! He knows Four is a hero, and that the smithy has never done anything to harm anyone in this group, but he’ll find himself debating being close to or far away from the other more than he’d like, and it’s only when he wonders why that he even registers that somehow, he’s started seeing Four as a threat.

Nothing’s been done, but a voice in his head whispers that something will be, and he needs to be ready. The feeling that wells in his chest is familiar, but he can’t identify it, just knows he’s felt it before, although when is unclear. It makes sleeping even harder than it was before, and he finds himself nervous as a result; lack of sleep mixing with the need to always be on guard to send him into a state of almost constant anxiety.

The others start asking after his health. Time and Wind are demanding to know if he’s neglected his own injuries while treating theirs. Even Wild, who he’s never been close with, starts giving him slightly bigger portions. The champion never says anything to him directly, but when the kid thinks he’s not looking, heavy cerulean eyes will settle on him, worry pinching brows together and pulling at scarred features. The cook watches, making sure he’s eating, and then looks actually distressed when even food doesn’t seem to have any effect on the captain’s condition.

How does he explain to them though that the reason for his state is a screaming anxiety that eats away at his mind and heart, it’s source unknown?

He can’t even be mad at Twilight when the rancher approaches him as the wolf, settling at his side with all the ease he used to before they’d known. He knows now, they all do, but Twilight acts the same as usual and he can’t- he can’t deny that being allowed to stroke through rough fur does help, at least a little. The laughter when Wind pouts at being denied the same also helps, but it doesn’t stop the incessant fear building up within him. No, because the moment his eyes fall on Four, whose own gaze is fixed over small shoulders, the shiver rises again up his spine.

Something is wrong, and he’s seen something- done something to know that he recognizes this feeling, recognizes something off about Four, but he can’t name it. He wracks his mind for the memory of what this is, but thinking of the war, thinking of everything that happened, the betrayals and Cia and- he can’t do it. He tries, he does, but it quickly becomes apparent that thinking about that, out here, while already running thin with anxiety, will probably send him into an episode.

Zelda calls it PTSD. He doesn’t care what it is though- he’s not putting the kids through talking him out of it or seeing him like that.

He gives up searching his memory for answers, but he keeps his eyes open.

Maybe that’s why, when darkness has fallen over camp one night, and most of the boys are sleeping, Wind curled up against his side and the rest settled around the capfire, he’s seems to be the only one who sees Four slip from under his blanket, nearly silent, and creep towards where the rancher slumbers, back to back with his cub.

Time is on watch with Sky, the two talking in low voices as they walk around the perimeter of camp, senses turned without, to where threats should come from, but not within, where the smithy’s hand slips between Twilight’s layers, emerging again with the crystal in hand. A small knife slips forwards, cutting the chord neatly and tugging it free, although for half a moment he almost expects it to drag across sun-kissed skin and paint the rancher’s throat scarlet with the man’s own blood.

Somethings wrong. Something is very wrong.

Alerting Four that he’s awake though, when the other is so close to the rest, armed and clearly guarded against being noticed, isn’t optimal. As long as no harm is being done to his brothers, he’ll bide his time, wait until Four is in such a place that whatever has gotten into him won’t be able to cause the smith to harm the rest without Warriors stopping him.

Luckily, for them anyway, the purple-eyed smith doesn’t linger any longer than he needs to tuck his knife away. He’s creeping out of camp without a sound even as Time and Sky patrol on the other side, voices low and straining in what’s probably a very stilted debate that Warriors can’t bother to think of a subject for. His own eyes follow Four though, hands already rising to uncurl Wind’s fingers from his shirt. It's a process, because the kid is usually a light sleeper, but tucking his scarf around the younger seems to assure the unconcious teen that all is still well, and that the absence of the captain’s warmth is not cause for worry. He used to have to do this during the war too, on early mornings or when he needed to slip out for a leak or a drink or just to breath the night air for a moment.

He escapes without any of his brothers waking. Sky and Time see him, it’s hard to not with his size, but he just tells them he thinks he saw something. He can’t name what, doesn’t want to worry them before he knows why his own heart is pounding uncontrollably, but he tells them to keep their eyes and ears open and stay with the rest as he slips into the trees, sword in hand, shield grapsed tightly in his other hand.

If Four was going to do something to the others, he would have done it when he was still in camp. Time and Sky likely won’t need to tend to anything. He, on the other hand, is prepared for the worst.

Even so, he’s not expecting what he sees. He can feel his very heart shatter, something like a sob buiding up as an all too familiar sightreaches his eyes when he finds the smith again. A shadow warrior standing beside someone he’d seen as a brother, embracing each other as those dark purple eyes lock with crimson. Four’s smile is’t quite right, and the crystal- the shadow-

Dark magic, Legend said, comes from magic users whose intent becomes impure. A pure source of shadow magic though, condensed and palpable, easy to slip off with, to steal, would offer a far greater source of such power. Enough power to give form, as the scholar had stated, to a shadow. A threat. An enemy.

An enemy Four greets with a sharp smile and a warm embrace, one that’s welcomed with the same as the thing rises from whatever spell or magic had been cast, the remains of Twilight’s crystal now broken on the ground.

Now he understands. Betrayal is a familiar feeling, one he knows intimately, but of course he’d never wanted to think that- believe that he’d feel it because of the actions of a brother. He knows what it is to watch those he trusts slip off into becoming mere puppets for the enemy, a threat to those he loves.

He also knows that letting puppets roam free, while waiting for a chance to fix them, leads to precious lives lost, to the death of innocent people, and more pain than just slitting a few throats would give him. He learned that the hard way, he knows it well. By the end of the war, corruption was a disease that’s presence was a death sentence for the victim. Better to kill them quickly, better to end the infection, better to stop the spread and the continued loss, the pain of watching so many innocent lies be claimed by a force that would take their agency.

Yes, they were innocent. No, it was never their faults. Still, for the sake of all, their deaths had been required, a sacrifice to preserve everyone else. A neccessity to ensure the army of the enemy, the tools available to them, the pawns and skills thereof, would not increase.

He’s killed a brother before, but it doesn’t make it less painful anytime he has to do it again.

Hiding isn’t worth it anymore. He’s many things, but a coward that strikes without warning he will never be. Purple and crimson lift to stare at him, and fear flashes in one while aggression paints in teh unfamiliar ones.

“Captain-”

He doesn’t answer. Talking back to puppets, treating them like people, it makes it hurt more. Better to not see them as people anymore once they’re nothing more than pawns. Assigning names, memories, loe to the ones he’s had to slaughter for the safety of his people- all it does it kill what’s left of his heart.

“Wars, what are you-” a swing of his blade has words cut off, the smithy ducking back, fear rising.

The shadow lunges, and that, he knows, is the greater threat to him.

“Wars, stop! What are you doing?” The smithy shrieks. It sounds like him, the flicker of red, of warm red like fire, not like blood, sends a foolish hope through him that maybe, beneath whatever magic has taken hold here, there’s a glimmer of his brother. Memories of another he’d had similar thoughts of, only to have a knife lodged in his guts seconds later, have him shaking the thought off. Dark magic is too strong to show any weakness too. The only hope in anything where it’s involved is if the source lies before him and easily destroyable, and the sharp clawed shade of the smith might not even be the cause of the strange nature he’s witnessed as of late.

When the shadow lunges at him, he strikes back, unleashing every bit of power he’s got into the blow and sending the monster flying back, cracking against a tree trunk as the smith’s voice rises In anguish. “Captian, don’t! Please, don’t! He’s my friend!”

Befriending evil? How- how long? Does he know Four at all?

The shade bleeds red, somehow. Maybe it’s magic, meant to twist his mind, manipulate him, make him feel pity. He’s seen that before though. It won’t work, not on him, not on the hero who’s felled similar such monsters for hours on end at times. The color of the enemies’ blood makes no difference; it all spills the same regardless.

“Warriors, please!” The shriek rises, and the smith flies at him, hand raised.

His focus is on the shadow, rising again with crimson spilling from between grey lips. He can’t see what’s in the smith’s hand; if there’s a weapon, if there isn’t. He can’t spare a glance to see what color flickers in eyes that used to change with a blink. There’s no time.

Instinct, born of years of fights, of endless battles and betrayals, has his hand moving without a thought.

Four’s cry of pain as he crumples to the earth crushes anything that’s left of the captain’s heart.

#linked universe #linkeduniverse #febuwhump #febuwhump 2024 #lu warriors #lu four #ketto writes #tw implied character death #tw violence #tw ptsd

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chaifootsteps · 5 months

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[long rant incoming, sorry!]

sorry to distract from HH but I saw someone claim 'Blitz exploits Stolas' PTSD & childhood trauma to borrow the book' and that Stolas is the one being sexually exploited and like

aside from the visceral reaction of 'hand me the sick bucket', like what??? There is no getting around the fact that Stolas is the one who proposed the deal. If it had been Blitz's idea there might be a leg to stand on here, but it wasn't - Blitz was actively ducking his calls

absolutely no one forced Stolas to do that. He is the one using Blitz for his own needs. He is the one whose X-rated rants and sexual petnames make Blitz shudder and spit out his coffee. He is the one who responds to Blitz having a nervous meltdown by sexualizing him some more

All Blitz wants is to borrow the book, he never wanted to sleep with Stolas! even in their first hookup he had 0 intentions of actually sleeping with him, he seduced him and then was fully intending to just dip and leave Stolas alone but changed his mind out of pity. Stolas was the one who kept pursuing him after the fact, which should have told him something about the level of Blitz's interest in him

Also like if I can get dictionary definition for a second:

exploit: make use of (a situation) in a way considered unfair or underhand.

Gee, that definition kind of fits exactly what Stolas did in getting Blitz to agree to the full moon deal in the first place by underhandedly making use of the fact he was being shot at!

If Stolas is 'exploited' in any way here it's entirely his own doing because he cooked up a deal to get sex out of Blitz every month - he literally called him with that in mind, he didn't trip and fall his way into the deal! In no way is it Blitz's responsibility that Stolas caught feelings & outside of the one scene in the circus (that Blitz clearly thought of as a one time thing), we never see Blitz toy with or deliberately manipulate Stolas' feelings so he can keep using the book - the closest he comes is inviting him out to Ozzie's and he doesn't even use the word 'date', Stolas does - Blitz doesn't do anything on that occasion to suggest he wanted to have anything other than a fun evening dancing; it's a club and it's in the lust ring, hardly proper first date material (plus that wasn't even to keep Stolas on the hook for the book, it was him unrelatedly spying on M&M). in all other scenarios he acts like sleeping with Stolas is an obligation he has to fulfill because that's exactly what it is. after the way Stolas had behaved all season he had no reason to think Stolas would assume there was anything serious behind the invite - his breakdown at the end of the episode makes it clear he assumed Stolas would just want sex at the end of the night, like he always wants. Stolas has practically trained Blitz to respond this way!

tldr but in what world does someone propose an 'I'll give you X if you give me Y' deal only to turn around and say they were the one exploited in that scenario when they got exactly what they asked for & had all the leverage in the first place? it's like fans expect Blitz to have traded away actual affection to Stolas, which is horrific considering Stolas never asked for The Boyfriend Experience, just sex, and even if he had Blitz would still be acting and doesn't owe him real love! (and it would still be deeply messed up for Stolas to have set the deal on those grounds too, a transactional relationship is not a relationship at all)

it just boggles my mind that 'Stolas had a bad father and was forced into an arranged marriage' suddenly means he has the right to feel hard done by because the person he forced into his Sex Extortion Deal didn't give him the True Love he actually wanted which he at no point communicated! (and fans get on Blitz's case for not communicating properly)

not to mention that Blitz also had a bad childhood but his supposedly exploitative behavior towards Stolas doesn't get a pass? not to mention that Stolas is a literal prince - yes, an arranged marriage sucks but if he doesn't want the responsibility then he could have abdicated his power & privilege. Blitz meanwhile never had an option to escape his circumstances because he's trying to keep the lights on - circumstances that, once again, Stolas trapped him into!

I just don't understand the mental backbends on display here. genuinely what's going on? are these fans just projecting a crush that didn't return their affections onto Blitz or something?

[end rant]

Sometimes there's not much else I can do but wearily put my hands all over an ask that says everything I want to, and this is one of those times.

#Anonymous #stolitz critical #stolas critical #stolas #helluva boss critical #viv stuff #actual blog post

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tomlinfonda · 1 year

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There are some inconsistencies that bug me a lot.

At the beginning of the episode, Beard reveals that Jane shredded his passport to keep him trapped with her. That's blatant abuse. I truly expected the show to leave Beard in a better place than this. Bringing this up at this point seemed like a way to acknowledge her abusive behavior for real.

And yet, this is the last shot of Beard. In the entire show.

This cringe, ugly shot of him tying himself to Jane. Til death do them apart. Regardless of this probably being Ted's dream, it is an awful, awful place to leave him. It's a nightmare scenario, for this to be the last shot we ever see of him.

And they didn't even give us any hints that Jane might have become a better person (not that this would have excused it). No. Up until the last mention of her name before the wedding, the show never wavers in showing her to be toxic and abusive, even if the characters themselves brush it off.

With other characters like Jamie's father, the writers gave us hints that he was working on himself (which, for the record, doesn't mean that he should have a right to even be in the same room as his son, after what he did). My point with this is that if they wanted us, for some reason, to take this wedding as Beard's "happily ever after", the show about people changing and becoming better could have shown Jane change and get better. But they didn't.

The second inconsistency I wanna talk about has to do with Trent.

"You're part of the squad now". That's awesome, and he has actually been shown growing closer to the group and becoming a member of the team throughout the season. From being shunned in Episode 2, to being part of the squad now.

And yet in his last two scenes, he is alone? No one from the squad with him?

He isn't at the Higgins' party, he isn't at the wedding. There's no indication that he stays at Richmond. EDIT: Actually, his desk is empty in that shot of him in the office. So yeah. He doesn't stay at Richmond.

The show leaves him, once again, alone and disconnected from the team, from the community he's found.

What gives, showrunners? Why do these parts of the montage directly contradict things that have been shown and pointed out in this very episode?

Is this a case of sloppiness? Was the ending suddenly changed for some reason, maybe to make room for season 4? Was it supposed to be a different ending, consistent with what the show has been telling us for 11 episodes? Did things suddenly change behind the scenes? Or is this a case of bad editing? Or is it intentional? For some reason, it doesn't feel like it's intentional. It seems really weird that they would have written the passport scene and "You're part of the squad now" AND the wedding and Trent being alone in the same draft of the script. It's weird, and it feels harsh and forced and out of left field.

#ted lasso #ted lasso spoilers #trent crimm #coach beard #anti beardjane

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gojowh0rcs · 1 year

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I’m on my period and I’m just picturing what thatd be like with Gojo as a bf. He definitely believes in PMSing. The whole shebang. He’s def annoying about it too so if you do end up snappin at him (cuz ur bleedin out ur coochie and maybe crampin so his usual teasing just feels sm more grating than normal) it doesn’t do much to refute his belief in PMS and the women being emotional and downright erratic during that time of the month (stupid man moment). he definitely picks up based on behavior when his girl is on her period too (or even before it comes if there’s a sudden mood change a week before). because even if he’d be a shit bf in terms of presence, he definitely studies his girl and notices all her little mannerisms and behaviors. he’s a highly observant individual and the six eyes just heightens everything too. notices the little twitch in ur finger or the way ur wrist flexes when your nervous type shit, but he never really says anything to allude to it or brags about it v much (unless he’s deliberately being an asshole and you think you could hide smth from him and he just feels like not giving it to you this one time so he throws it in ur face in a humorous but still very blunt and harsh way). and he doesn’t always help out with his s/o’s anxieties or just things she’s not willing to mention first neither. I think most of the time he’ll give his s/o their space to figure out things themselves and tends to mind his business unless they ask for help. That’s mostly a testament to how bad he is at comforting though. Unlike someone like Yuji, who I picture is probably just as confused on how to comfort his girl (specifically), he’d still try and it’s in his earnest sincerity at wanting to alleviate whatever she’s dealing with (and probably shoulder the weight entirely if he was allowed that opportunity), that he usually puts a smile on his girls face. Yuji is just a sweetheart, but he’s clumsy and he probably fucks up all the time. However it’s in the intention and his honest heart that a s/o could overlook any mishaps (most of the time).

GOJO on the other hand is not nearly that honest or earnest. He’s calm cool and collected. And he’s naturally a little mean too. Like he probably thinks at first his s/o could suck it up. Like shouldn’t you be used to this already? Just seems like a woman thing he doesn’t particularly understand so maybe he should stay away if he irks her nerves more than usual. But when it’s actually weighing on her or if she’s particularly uncomfortable and it’s out of her realm of control, Gojo does take pity. And he is still protective, even tho he’s detached. If he could take away her pain or switch roles he would without a second thought. But he can’t. And asking if she needs anything might feel a little embarrassing because that means he doesn’t already know what to do. (That and he doesn’t really have that nurturing of a personality so it feels a lil odd comin from his mouth). But Satoru Gojo failing at something??? Unthinkable. Unheard of. Fake news. He ends up googling how to help period pains and ends up finding some forum or subreddit of equally confused husbands and boyfriends. He ends up reading everything he could find and educating himself on the horrors and facts of menstruation and ends up learning more than he bargains for. But now he’s excelling most of the male population again and it’s just another notch in his belt, proof of not only being the strongest but the most knowledgeable 😎✨. (ends up braggin to some of his male students or colleagues like WOW how can YOU NOT know the strength of a period cramp could crush a can cmon megumi ur lackin). He also half thinks he should get some points for being so considerate and sweet. So he’s half expecting a big fat kiss and some praise when he suddenly strolls in with a bunch of bags of supplies and chocolate since he read somewhere more than half of women crave chocolate on their first days of menstruation. Snacking out on that is smth he can definitely help you with if you feel guilty for piggin out. When he finds out occasionally rubbing your back, watching movies, eatin junk and cuddles on your really bad days is all you really need to be satiated, he thinks it’s a pretty sweet deal. It might even become a frequent enough occurrence for him to call it something egregious like period parties. He’s ur pms partner ❤️ (you can smack him)

#gojo satoru x reader #Gojo satoru #satoru Gojo #jjk gojo #yuji itadori

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who-the-fuck-knows-blog · 6 months

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holy christ. this fandom is fucking exhausting about mental health and mental illness and abuse. i dont want to directly engage with people saying this stuff because i am pretty sure they wont change their minds or really listen to me, but Ed can be mentally ill and abusive/toxic (<-those aren’t necessarily interchangable but I’m going to be using both in this case).

Ed’s actions can be a result of his trauma, he can hate that he does it, it can be within his own justification a result of previous threats or negativity from others, and they can still be not okay or justified.

The majority of people who have been abusive in my life have been struggling with something. Mental illness, addiction, trauma, all of the above. Trauma and trauma reactions can lead to further abusive behavior.

When you have personality disorders or mental health issues that come with extreme cognitive distortions (everyone has cognitive distortions, but mental illnesses and trauma tend to lead to more extreme examples or more cognitive distortions than you would have otherwise), it can lead to you continuing with dangerous/manipulative behavior in a more unaware manner. Many are aware it is manipulative, though. and I suppose that’s where the distinction can be made between whether or not this is a toxic or abusive relationship. One comes with more of an intent to control, the other is more about mutually lashing out/having disproportionate emotional reactions to situations.

This post, to me, isn’t about determining whether Ed was Abusive or Toxic, but moreso about conversations around abusive behavior. The way it has been described, Ed’s behavior towards Izzy in S2 has been deliberately controlling and manipulative, as Ed has been towards the entire crew in that season. Does it matter if he’s doing it because he is spiralling and wants to push everyone to their breaking point to kill himself vs just to be a dick? Yes, to a degree. It means he likely just needs help and is capable of changing. On the other hand, no. The behavior is terrible and not justifiable, and having mental illnesses that caused it doesn’t make it suddenly not his responsibility.

I guess I’m more annoyed at the overjustification and removing Ed from his own autonomy and responsibility for his behavior than anything. There can be reasons behind why someone does something, and those reasons can be very sympathetic and understandable and make a lot of sense, it just gets to a point where people seem to be using that to excuse the behavior and remove Ed’s agency in the harm he himself has caused deliberately (even if the intention wasn’t to make people miserable but to kill himself, the goal and method through which he did it was to cause emotional and physical damage and torture to ensure this would happen, with little to no care for the wellbeing of the others.)

If people are upset about Ed’s behavior and lack of actual personal accountability for what he’s done, that’s fine. The same way that it’s fine for people to be upset about the emotional harm Izzy has done to Ed.

I know a lot of posts are not super nuanced when it comes to Ed and abusive behavior, I’m not gonna say hes iredeemable, and in fact he’s already ahead of other people who display this behavior in that he realizes he needs to change and puts in an effort to do so. He’s still sympathetic to most folks, and I personally still love him.

I also acknowledge I, like everyone else, am not immune to personal biases and lack of insight and emotional reasoning. Many folks have been having trauma reactions based on the events in the show or have had their trauma triggered or have fallen back on (understandably) emotional responses that are due to trauma. Some people have been applying their personal experiences with people that behave similarly to characters on the show to their analysis and impressions of the characters. I’m not gonna say that’s morally good or bad. It just exists and is unavoidable when you have a ton of people with trauma discussing things. But it can skew perceptions, as trauma does. so it’s just something to be aware of, because it doesn’t feel like you’re being skewed it feels either like you’re being attacked or you are more aware of/closer to/have a better understanding of the emotions and responses of the characters you are projecting onto.

I dunno. maybe I’m full of shit! Who knows! I just wanted to ramble more about this stuff bc it’s very upsetting to me (<-could be a trauma response I am not adequately handling or aware of or acknowledging) to see the way ppl have been defensive of Ed via “he’s not doing it because he wants to do it/live like this, he’s traumatized, he’s mentally ill, and Izzy pushed him into it” because those can be explanations of his actions but not justifications of his actions.

#idk. idk.#izcourse #edcourse #lol #ofmd s2 #izzy hands #ed teach #abuse discussions #please dont like. come at me about this i just want to be ranting for a bit #im always like ‘might delete this’ but maybe i will this time. idk #i feel like i got all of my anger and upset i started with out whilst writing it so it was beneficial to me at least #god should i even post this. yikes

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misslili265 · 2 years

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okay so, i love some angst heheh can u write headcanons for levi and erwin (separately) discovering that the reader was hiding an infected wound?

Hello dearest, thanks for ask for a different fandom, just loved your request, very original, and yeah... can't help, I love some angst too haha, so let's do it, hope you like it!!! ^^

ERWIN / LEVI HEADCANONS

Erwin gives himself entirely to work, to him it's a purpose that he can never lose sight of, but he tries his best to pay due attention to you.

Do you have a problem and don't share it with him?... well that will become another problem for you.

If Erwin notices any significant change in your behavior, he will take the lead to the investigation, like a Sherlock will dig until he finds the cause.

And there you are, Erwin can find out from the fever that hit you hard from the infection that proliferated in your wound from a titan's graze that you were successful in finishing the job, but Erwin was always against you being part of the survey corps. So you needed always deal with this, walking in the wire.

In your current situation, he would certainly take the time to take care of you, while continuing to give instructions to his subordinates.

But don't think that you got rid of the scolding so soon just because he's showering you with pampering. "- Why y/n? Don't you trust me enough to tell me you're not feeling well?"... of course you feel bad for worrying him, this anguish invades you along with your fever that plagues your body at high temperature.

But if Erwin realizes that his words are actually putting you down, having the opposite effect of his intention wich is to protect you, he will accept the loss, he can't bear to watch you sweat with heavy breathing caused by your injury helpless in your bed.

Erwin feels responsible for what happened to you. Deep down he feels that you have often been left in the background with all the chaos around you. With that in mind, he will do the best he can to repay the debt he owes you by being affectionate and saying how much he cares about your well being, but he will still kindly ask you not to do it anymore.

Levi usually fights by your side, but floating between roofs and trees chopping meat, he usually goes ahead of you as a precaution. But your constant stops to rest, your hesitation with the arms that sometimes cover your abdomen are easily noticed by someone with as sharpened senses as him.

If the day was long for you, it was even longer for Levi who feared for your life with every move on this mission. He'll probably check on you when your guard is down.

I have no doubt as you change your bandages in the bathroom that the door will suddenly open.

When he takes your arm that tries to cover the wound, he puts his eyes on the slit that opened in you.

He will silently look at you seriously, while taking you by your hand, saying will you go to the doctor right now. Yes you need stitches.

Levi comes to the conclusion without even saying much about it, that your point was that if you needed to get back so early on the mission, someone would be sent to escort you, and you didn't want to see anyone put in danger for your cut.

But blood loss makes you dizzy. So yes, now Levi is reactive as you faint. Taking your body in his arms, he runs to get you first aid.

Hange will take care of you. Levi would have his arms folded nearby like a guardian while Hange stitches your skin and injects an expander serum into your veins.

When you're done, you're alone with him, but in your unconscious state, he's patient enough to wait for you to wake up.

You don't need to know that while you slept, Levi would run the back of his hand over your face, or brush strands of hair from your features. But when you wakes up his attitude will be let's say...different. Did your eyes open?

They come face to face with the judgmental eyes of the charming Ackerman in front of you.

He would brings his face closer to yours holding your cheeks on his hands

"- Airhead, this will never happen again. I'm your commander, next time you're out."

You sigh in response.

#attack on titan x reader #erwin x reader #snk erwin #shingeki no kyoujin x reader #levi x you #levi ackerman #levi x reader #captain levi #erwin fluff #erwin smith #levi x y/n #eren x reader #eren jaeger #armin x reader #hange attack on titan

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biquinntile · 1 month

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TLDR: My biggest frustration being a late-diagnosed autistic is getting my brain to re-frame any of my behaviors. I’m having trouble figuring out how to help myself.

I was abused growing up, including some medical abuse, but my mom knew I had ADHD and lied to me and convinced me I didn’t. She never got a diagnosis but would ask me questions like “What are you, autistic?” I didn’t really understand what either of these terms meant back in 2012 when I was 13/14. So of course I said no, not even realizing until later that this was a rhetorical question (I am sighing so hard rn).

Fast forward to now, me age 26, being recently diagnosed as a person with ADHD and Autism. I spent my entire life up until now masking but even that feels like a weird word to use because it was never intentional. If I had needs not being met, I would find a way to get them met without talking to anyone or I would ignore them/push them away so that I “didnt have” that need anymore. In social situations, I made a lot of mistakes and found myself being very confused…so I would avoid being social altogether, or I would drill myself relentlessly before and after any social situation…and I mean any social situation. I remember people always criticizing me for “taking the long way” or not taking the most efficient route, but for me the “most efficient” route has never given me the results I wanted. It felt like I was a robot who had to constantly tinker with my own parts, with the goal being that one day I would be able to exist with other people naturally the way they do with each other. Not a robot, a person.

It’s very difficult to wrap my head around this not being a plausible goal anymore. I spent so long doing what was more difficult to mask symptoms I didn’t know I was masking. I spent my entire life operating under the belief that everybody was trying as hard as me to deal with sensory and socialization and all that jazz, it’s just that I was too weak to do it as well as they did. And it didn’t matter because I was doomed to fail.

I’m really working hard to not have such negative beliefs about being neurodivergent but it’s difficult bc in my brain I always hoped that one day I would just suddenly flip a switch and things would be easier. I would understand people and they would understand me. I wouldn’t spend weeks (if not months) obsessing over one singular topic. When I look back on moments where the autism was probably showing, I have all these memories of my parents calling me aggressive/angsty/spoiled/stupid/lazy/sensitive/etc. My stepdad would always say “You can’t be that stupid” and in my head, I would say “Well I guess I fucking am.”

All this to say, I have a lot of trouble now even recognizing when I’m doing a form of “masking” because it is so ingrained in me, and had I not done it, I would have faced worse abuse than I already had been facing. It took me until I was 24 to realize I was wearing a size too small in shoes because I believed a level of discomfort was just always a part of life, for EVERYONE not just me. I recently realized that I am not capable of crying in front of other people, even people I care about and trust, because when I used to cry people would find my reasoning trivial or tell me that I was too sensitive and they would (and I wish I was kidding) laugh or make fun of me. That is a silly thing to make fun of someone for, I know now, but I’m not sure how to change the behavior. I find day after day that there are a million things I’ve been overcompensating for or putting up with that I thought was normal or I thought I needed to do to keep up with everyone else (no wonder I feel so tired all the fucking time damn).

All this to say, I’m not even exactly sure what autistic symptoms I have or how to tackle them or even really how masking works entirely. I feel like I don’t know anything about myself. I don’t know how to help myself. Where do I even start? People keep throwing this “high-functioning” term at me, which I guess is fair, but I also feel like my bones ache at all times and I have constant rapid-fire anxious thoughts filling up my brain and I constantly feel like everyone on the earth is touching me and crowding me, even when I’m alone in my room. So I guess if I can keep pushing myself through those feelings, I’ll be fine and functioning fine but I don’t really think I can do that anymore.

Any advice or reading material would be greatly appreciated. Sorry if I didn’t explain things well. I’m trying my best out here

#autism #neurodivergent #late diagnosed autistic #audhd #actually autistic #autistic adult #idk man

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theawakenedstate · 5 months

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7 Powerful Strategies for a Structured & Consistent Spiritual Growth Journey (With a Spiritual Planner)

If you were to sit down at a coffee shop with me and ask what was the top spiritual growth lesson I learned this year, I might surprise you with my answer. The hugest thing I learned this year was Strategy! Specifically, Structure, Organization, and Strategy naturally enhance my Intuitive Flow aka Spiritual Alignment. This gives me back my Time, Energy and Focus. I know it shocked me too when I started thinking about it.

At the start of the year, I enrolled in a very in-depth marketing course and it changed my entire content creation world! Have you noticed? 😉 The Main Aha moment from the entire program was that I realized how much I was lacking strategy across the board of my own life, so I started expanding that outward to other areas of my life.

Some of these being Fitness, my Spiritual practice, Goal Setting Process, My Meal Prep in the kitchen, my content Process and so forth. I’m going to be honest with you, if I can find a way to get out of doing things manually or Creating more Flow in my workflow – I am the first to do it!

Structure is not a bad thang.

Why Do We Need More Structure, Organization, and Strategy as a Spiritual Person?

The Short Answer: Awareness. As a Spiritual person bringing more Mindfulness and Conscious Awareness into my life has consistently proven to be the strongest method to Personal Well-being,Positive Mental Health and Emotional Empowerment. Why?

Conscious Awareness is the dynamic opposite of reactive behavior.

Without Structure, Organization, or Strategy, we’re just a loose cannon floating in the wind without a purpose to our actions. Without awareness, We cannot create real change. In other words, we’re either more reactive or running on unconscious impulses in our everyday decisions. I invite you to consider how many times you impulsively open an app on your phone and get back to me on that….how many times did you click it?

As we live in the digital age of society, we have to be aware of how much Reactive behavior is created purely from External Influence in our day-to-day lives for our own mental and emotional health.

Examples of reactive Influence:

For example, Your goal today is to Film a Video for Youtube. Scenario: scroll Instagram, you say 5 mins of scrolling. You see someone’s post about the full moon and then you get in your head ‘maybe i should be making a post about the full moon too?!” Suddenly half an hour later, you’re on Canva designing the perfect Full Moon Post. You didn’t realize you were actually procrastinating and forgot about the video! Or how about this one:

You read about the latest conspiracy theories and suddenly you’re externally influenced by them. Then you decide to start doom scrolling and suddenly you’re feeling paranoid or unsafe to leave the house! As Spiritual People, It’s important to have Mental Discipline to promote more mindfulness and conscious awareness so we can reduce our reactive thoughts with pure conscious thought. This helps your Intuition the most, besides it’s better for your health too.

One of the Strongest ways to do this is with more Structure, Strategy, or Intentional Planning!

The Benefits of Structure & Intentional Planning

When it comes to Structure usually one of the hugest excuses we put up is that “it’s not intuitive” to plan or structure our day. There is often a language of “I can’t use strategy because I lose my Flow or Intuition”. WRONG. This is what I’ve discovered:

1. You Have the Right Mindset to Accomplish Your Tasks naturally enhancing your Intuition

I actually find the opposite to be true. The more I’m intentional, I am literally programming my mind towards exactly what I wish to achieve and the mindset I need to go with it. This naturally enhances my intuition and I’m more likely to tap into Magnetic Aligned Action in my daily tasks, like a mofo GPS programmed to a destination!

2. You’re Naturally More Consistent with your Spiritual Practice

When we add more structure or Strategy to our Spiritual practice we are more likely to show up consistently to it. This allows us to give up our excuses of “I never have time, space or energy for my spiritual growth, journaling or yoga practice”. Also with the benefit of more structure, you’re more committed to doing the Inner work and Meeting the Promises you make to yourself. Hence More Confidence & Soul Certainty! (Solar plexus Chakra empowered! )

3. You Gain Back Your Time and Even Energy

Do you know how much, wasted energy goes into something when we’re not structured on the goal, task, or outcome? Sure we can argue here that Flow takes us on detours for a reason. However, think about how much time is often wasted when we’re not even clear or Intentional about what we’re going to do. For example, If you know what you’re going to eat for dinner tonight, you are less likely to spend an hour trying to figure out What’s for dinner or rummaging in the cabinets for ideas. Then on Hungry impulse, you make something really unhealthy because you’re now starving. In the same way, If you have a sacred space you go to each morning at 8 am to journal or meditate, you are more likely to show up and just do it. Instead of, you know waffling around with your own resistance and ego mind-chatter talking you out of it. Likewise, If you put on your workout gear, with the sporty bra, you are more likely to just jump into your workout. Case in point. Structure changes lives. 😉

So now that we know the benefits of Structure, What are some easy ways you can start to Incorporate More Structure into your Spiritual Life? We all need a little bit of Order inside of all of this collective chaos, right? Right.

7 Ways To Track, Plan, and Create More Structure for Your Spiritual Growth Journey

Since I carry my own Spiritual Awakened Life Digital planner with me every day and it helps clear my head on the daily, I started adding more of my spiritual growth into my Daily Planner. It felt pretty natural to start adding my spiritual journey into my daily, weekly & monthly planning sessions. Now when I go to Plan my Entire Week, I have my Birds Eye View of my Momma Everyday Tasks, My Career Tasks, and My Spiritual Growth all together! This helps me stay organized and helps my Mental well-being too.

Let’s be frank, Writing things down keeps my mind clear and sane. I am less stressed when I write things down, this makes me naturally more Intuitive and Present-minded. Here are 7 ways I track and structure My Life included in both my planner & Journal

1 – Break down your Entire Week with Intentionality

Do you know what’s happening during the entire week or are you flying blind by the seat of your pants? Probably the most used page in my entire planner is The Weekly Intentions Page.

At the start of the week, I allow myself some time to loosely plan what my focus is for the week with Intention. Each day is broken down, I see my weekly schedule. I write down my Self-care ideas, Mind-Body Spiritual Practices, What I want to work on for fitness, business, Important Dates I have, School or family gatherings, Fun Activities, and so forth. I plan the Bird’s eye view of All of my goals both Spiritual, lifestyle, and business. There is something about the Bird eye’s view of my schedule that just clears my brain completely.

2 – Use Habit Trackers For Your Meditation or Spiritual Practice

One of the most unconventional things I do for my Spiritual practice is I like to use Habit Trackers for Radical Conscious Awareness. This is a mini trick that I NEVER see mentioned in personal development and It’s helped me with Self-Awareness repeatedly so I can Track my consistency, emotions and energy levels. Habit Trackers are really helpful if you have a hard time Following through on your spiritual practice or you have a lot of excuses to commit to a practice (real talk). The Habit tracker gives you a reward system to promote consistency, discipline, and Structure! You know if you commit to 25 days of Meditation, you now have the Awareness of How often you are meditating vs. just going off your impulse of meditating when you feel like it. You can also set up habit trackers with a Fun End Goal in mind, like if you do 25 days of meditation you treat yourself to an oracle deck or a gourmet chocolate – depending on your personality this may or may not work for you. Play with it!

In general, incorporating Habit Trackers into ANY SKILL or HABIT you’re wishing to bring to life is so so good for increasing motivation and consistency in any skill. I cannot recommend Habit trackers enough for Conscious Awareness and more Mindfulness.

3 – Track Your Self-Care & Mental Wellness

Another way you can Track Your Spiritual Growth with more Structure is to lay out a Self-Care Plan! With a Holistic Wellness Tracker you can Write down your weekly plan of Self-care & mental health. For example: How many hours you slept, your Spiritual practice, self-care routine, mindset work, Daily Joy and even Creativity. Keeping track of your Mental Wellness, allows you to see where you may be lacking. Maybe you need more daily joy, mindset love, consistency of spiritual practice or more daily recharge with a self-care ritual. When we keep track of our Mental Wellness, we’re more aware of how we might be letting things slip through the cracks like sleep or self-care for instance. This awareness also gives you a look into Why your mood or emotions might be behaving in a certain way. Now you’re aware you got only 5 hours of sleep last night, maybe you won’t be so hard on yourself that you’re not as productive as you should be. 🙂

4 – Increase Your Mindful Eating with a Food Log & Meal Prep

If you’re working on increasing more mindful eating, looking to lose weight, gain weight or simply eat more healthy, you could start recording a weekly food log for more Awareness. Some people are not aware of What They eat throughout an entire day or especially during the holidays! (guilty 🙂 ) This helps give you the Conscious Awareness of Tracking what you eat from Morning to Night. You might surprise yourself with this, maybe you’re not realizing what food groups you consistently crave or eat. In the same regard, maybe like me, your food diet has to change for your menstrual cycle and you cycle sync your diet around it. Being aware of the shift in what you’re eating during each phase of your cycle is also hugely beneficial to less painful symptoms and hormonal Mood swings.

Likewise, we have to talk about the Benefits of Meal Prepping! My man used to think I was crazy because I always Prep a week ahead on what i’m making for the week. Now I use Everyplate for designing my meal flow for the week and then on the weeks I don’t use Everyplate, I write down a list of ideas of new Pinterest recipes I want to try each day of the week. Maybe I don’t want a big fancy thing on Monday so this is an easy meal day and so forth. This is a very unconventional way to increase your Mindful Eating Habits by structuring ahead your meal plan for the week.

5 – The Mindful Breakfast of Champions: Using Daily Intentions in your Daily Schedule

Do you want to know How I stay organized with such a crazy schedule sometimes? One thing I cannot live without is my Daily Intentions! I always take the time every single morning to write my intentions for the day and often look at my planner for my daily schedule. (I’ll be honest, sometimes I am not THIS ORGANIZED with my schedule, I am a mom afterall and distractions happen allthetime…mylittlepony) but Daily Intentions are a MUST.

In my Spiritually Awakened Life Planner, I have it broken down by: Weekly Goals, Daily mantra/affirmation, Daily Vision, Spiritual Practice breakdown, Daily Joys, Movement Exercise isolation by muscle group, Daily Schedule, your Classic To-do List, followed by the big kahuna, Daily Intentions.

Do I do all of that every day 7 times a week? Not always, I like to take the weekends off and holidays 🤣 However, This combination keeps me Mentally Disciplined and Structured with Pure Intention for my Daily workflow. I’m like a Laser beam of intent when I do it!

Sometimes My Daily Schedule looks like this:

For example, After I do my Daily Affirmations and set up my Intentions, I look at asking myself: MIND: Did I do my daily journaling for my mindset and Intentions?

BODY: My Daily Movement and Muscle Isolation today?

SOUL: What is my spiritual practice today? WEEKLY GOALS: What’s my 3 Goals this week? TOP PRIORITIES: What are the Top 3 Things I must focus on today? BRAINDUMP TO-DOS: Write down my Daily To-do List. IMPORTANT DATES: What needs done this week? & What is happening? DAILY MANTRA: What is inspiring me lately? DESIRES: How do I desire to feel today? ➡️This Mindful Schedule setup allows me to easily live with more Intention in my Daily Routine and Spiritual Life. I invite you to consider: how can you start to add more Intention into your daily routine?

6 – Working with the Moon with Monthly Rituals

One way to bring more Flow into your Structure is by creating a practice of working with the Moon. You can set up New moon Intentions and Full Moon Releasing rituals to help you begin your journey into Moon Rituals. This is something I do periodically where I set up my Own Manifesting and Healing Rituals for the Moon. I use my Digital Planner as a Guide to help keep my notes in order.

You use the New Moon Sheets for your Goals and Intentions you wish to call in.

Then you use the Full Moon prompts for Healing, Releasing, Closure and Letting go.

It’s one of my favorite ways to add more rituals into my Spiritual Life. Working with the moon has enormous benefits to it. This is why I also recommend Moon charting If you’re new to working with the Moon so you can see the benefits yourself. Right now it’s featured in our Giftmas – 12 days of Gift giving for the Holidays.Try it out yourself!

7 – Yearly Vision & Goal Mapping Even By Quarter!

Here’s the truth, If you don’t sit down and ask yourself what you even want, how do you know? This is where Yearly vision and Goal Mapping come in. The #1 Way to get more Intentional with Spiritual Growth and Consistent Goals is to Know What you’re aiming at.

What is your Target? aka Your Vision, Goals & Soul Desires.

If you have no target – You have nothing to aim towards and this is what you tell the Universe. In my Spiritual Awakened Life Planner, There is Yearly Visioning, Quarter Goal Check in and Goal Mapping sheets. These help you develop clarity on your goals and desires, period. This is so you know how to go into the New Year with supreme FOCUS and know your WHY behind your Goals, keeping you in more alignment.

Getting Clear on your Spiritual Growth, regardless of what you’re wishing to accomplish, requires sitting down and looking at the Vision. You can’t get clear on growth or worry about your lack of consistency, if you don’t know what your direction even is. Likewise, you can’t make a resolution on trying to lose weight, without a REALISTIC PLAN to back that up.

Why Resolutions Often Fail is the Lack of Realism

This is why most resolutions fail. They don’t have the Mindset or Realism to back up their goals with consistent action due to lack of planning. The best way to add more Structure to your Spiritual Journey is to Get Clear on your goals. Do you have goals? What is the Vision for your Life? What do you even want? How do you desire to feel? Do your thoughts support your goals? Are you taking action on them? This is work we do heavily in Awaken Your Aligned Vision Workshop. The Workshop for Your New Year Goals to help set you up for success in the New Year. It’s now featured inside of The new Monthly Membership, The Soul-aligned Life Academy!

In conclusion, My biggest lesson of the year is that strategy is KEY to Intuitive Flow and Alignment. I know that Tracking my Spiritual growth, Daily Intentions & even goals in my one place every day lets me reflect. This is one of the most excellent ways to be consistent and add more structure to your Spiritual Awakened Life. I hope you enjoyed these powerful strategies to help you on your own spiritual growth journey.

How do you like to track your spiritual growth in your planner?

Drop a Comment and Let me know below!

Your Spiritual Growth is so important but are you consistent with it? Sure you could do All of this in a Journal or Squeeze into your Daily Lifestyle Planner…. However if you want everything just laid out for you, Check out my Spiritual Planner, The Spiritual Awakened Life Digital Planner. Available now in Celestial Midnight and Celestial Unicorn Design. A Perfect Companion for Your New Year Vision, Monthly Spiritual Goals, and Daily Intentional Planning. Find out more info and a BTS walkthrough below.

https://www.theawakenedstate.net/consistent-spiritual-growth/

7 Powerful Strategies for a Structured & Consistent Spiritual Growth Journey (With a Spiritual Planner)

#consistent spiritual practice #growth mindset #mindset #spiritual planner #spiritual practice #strategies

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prsk-krow · 2 months

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oh, mb!! may i have [r]omantic yandere!mizuki hcs?? sorry for the trouble </3

My first headcanons post in months, and it's only right to do this, haha. I'm sorry this took so long, but I did enjoy these! Although they might not be what you expect...

{YANDERE!Mizuki general headcanons!} [R]

꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷♡꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦

>—-×-—*~.୨୧.~*—-×-—<

WARNING: YANDERE CONTENT BELOW!

Oof, now this is extremely tough, for both Mizuki. Their entire secret revolves around keeping a secret that they fear would ruin their friendships, so them suddenly gaining feelings for someone? Yeah...

At first Mizuki tries to deny their own feelings. You are just their friend, nothing else! They shouldn't try to push it or make something deeper with you! Everything should be fine so long as you two remain friends, right?

Unluckily, love isn't so easy to just shrug off, and once they realize just how bad they have fallen for you, they start to get nervous about their feelings all over again, much like when they had the choice to join Niigo.

They hide their struggles from you, like always, but slowly, they start to drift away. They can't afford to become so attached, to show just how vulnerable they truly are, to rely on you with their darkest, deepest secrets. Unfortunately for them, it's not that easy.

"... Huh? Ah, sorry, I was just soooo caught up in my editing yesterday that I missed our shopping trip! Sorry, but can we put it on hold until this next song is released?... Huh?? What do you mean this isn't like me, just trust me, come on! I'm not THAT lazy..."

As time passes, it's not only harder to lie to you, but to themselves as well. Each day they spend away from you they think of you more, and more. Not only more, but they thoughts start to grow intense.

When they previously just thought about being happy with you, and being the best friend for you, now they wanted to watch over you so that you were always well, and safe.

So, still riddled with guilt and now even more so, they start to stalk you. First, it's just online, making sure you make the right friends, then it's more social, as they apologize for their behavior and resume hanging out with you, and slowly they start peering more and more into your personal life.

However, it wasn't of a desire to market you all theirs, they couldn't bear to take you away from what makes you happy, which they understood was socializing and being free, much like them. However, they wouldn't allow anyone to ruin your happiness.

Mizuki couldn't lie to themselves, they were completely and absolutely in love with you now, but someone like them, riddled with insecurities, lies, and identity issues, wouldn't be enough to make you happy, much less as a lover.

However, that doesn't mean they would remain just a friend... In fact, while they looked at you and felt such conflicting emotions in their heart, whenever they looked at others behind their backs, they didn't even notice their suspicions, paranoia, and wariness rising.

"Hey, you remember that girl that asked for help to study two days ago? How do I know about her- that doesn't matter! What's important, is that she's hanging out way too much with the popular girls! Yeah, you know what that means, be careful!"

If they could only be friends, that means they'll be the best friend they can be: Protecting you from people with bad intentions, helping you make your decisions, making your life brighter each day they possibly could. It doesn't matter whether their need for love hurts even worse every time they're called a friend...

It's not long before every single one of your days is influenced by them, be it getting new friends and letting go of others, changing your daily routines, and spending almost every single hour of the day in constant contact with them.

However, it doesn't matter how many times you chat with them now, as opposed to their earlier behavior, you can't help but feel like something's off... Their movements are more intense, their voice as well, yet they only want to talk about you, and shrug off any other friends they mention quickly...

This isn't easy for Mizuki, they love you so much, so much it hurts to be far from you. But they can't love you like you deserve, they shouldn't be the only one. They'll just keep an eye over you, lead you down the right path, keep you safe.

#project sekai #project sekai headcanons #project sekai imagines #project sekai x reader #prsk #prsk x reader #pjsk #pjsk x reader #mizuki akiyama #mizuki akiyama x reader #akiyama mizuki #akiyama mizuki x reader #yandere #yandere x reader #yandere mizuki akiyama #/cawcanons

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the-hidden-writer · 2 months

Text

A Piece of True Fiction: Chapter 5

An Alan Wake 2 fic. Spoilers for Alan Wake 2!

Summary: Aleksi Kesä manages to slip out of the spiral and film he was trapped in.

Saga Anderson, caught in the middle of Wake's horror story, finds a man that looks identical to her partner in the middle of the woods. He's lost, confused, and only seems to speak Finnish. Saga has to try and uncover the truth as well as trying to save her family. Where did he come from? How did he get here?

And where's her Casey?

(Thanks to @honestlyvan for helping me out with Finnish translations! I'll be going back and correcting previous chapters too.)

Chapter Summary: Saga brings Aleksi to the Sheriff's Station. Words: 1,929 AO3 Link: [Here!] [First part] [Previous part] [Next part]

A Piece of True Fiction

Chapter 5: Agency

There's a strange sense of déjà vu in the car on the drive back. Even though the journey itself is pretty short, it's enough for Saga to feel uncomfortable on top of the dull throbbing of her arm.

How long ago had she and Casey been sitting in these seats, back when everything was still normal?

If someone had told her when she was initially driving to Bright Falls with Casey beside her that, in a matter of hours, she would be in the same position except he would be a twisted version of himself with no recollection of her… actually, she probably would have believed it. Because it was so unbelievable that it circled around to having some element of truth. Nobody could make something that absurd up on the spot.

Unless you were Alan Wake, apparently.

The awkward silence between them doesn’t help the tense atmosphere, although there isn’t much Saga can do about that. It isn’t like they can make conversation. So they’re left with just each other’s presence and the faint sound of the radio.

At one point, out of nowhere, Kesä’s body jerks violently. He turns to look over his shoulder at the backseat in a frantic movement, curses to himself, turns back, and relaxes as if nothing had happened. Saga follows his gaze via the mirror, finds nothing, and tries to let it slide. She has no idea what he may have been through (or believes he’s been through) that may warrant his jittery behavior.

Otherwise, Kesä seems content to just look out the window. Saga notes that he seemed especially interested in Watery as they pass. If there’s one perk to not having a conversation, it’s that it gives Saga the chance to go over what she could say to the FBC.

Officially, this is no longer her case. She shouldn’t be involved at all. She can’t exactly stroll up to the Sheriff’s station, knock on the door, and demand to speak to suspects. No, she needs a viable excuse to get in.

The lead agent had said that they’d look for Casey for her. What if they were still looking for him? Surely it would be permissible for her to go inside to let them know that she’d found him already so they could call off their search.

Once inside, she could drop the bombshell of Casey being changed. She couldn’t think of any way to hide that fact without hiding him entirely. Plus, the lead agent had also asked for any important evidence. Would Casey himself count as the evidence in this case? In this Case-y?

She mentally berates herself. Book/movie title jokes are off-limits, even if the subject can’t hear them. The thought leaves her saddened.

The Clicker is still safe in her pocket either way. She can hand that over to Wake as soon as she gets the opportunity. The FBC doesn’t need to know about that part, and instinct keeps her from showing Kesä too.

They reach Bright Falls with no issue. Out of habit, Saga parks the car outside Elderwood Palace Lodge.

She's suddenly left with an inner conflict. Does she take Kesä to the station straight away? Or should she tell him to wait in the car while she figures out their intentions?

She doesn't mean to stare at him while she thinks, and only realizes she's doing so when he starts to pointedly stare back.

“Saga?” He prompts, with the tiniest hint of a smirk. "Mitäs seuraavaksi?"

Does he know? She wonders. Does he know about everything that’s going on? About the murders, about the pages, about Alan Wake, about anything? Or is he a blank slate just following her lead?

She really needs that translator.

It’s with that thought that she makes her decision. She opens the door and makes a beckoning motion.

“Okay, Aleksi,” she starts by using his name to grab his attention, “we’re going to find some help at the Sheriff’s station. You follow me, okay?”

He nods hesitantly. "Tulenko vaan perässä?”

Another thought jumps into Saga’s mind. Would Casey suddenly speaking Finnish draw unwanted attention? Would there be anyone that would even notice?

Better play it safe. “Aleksi?”

Saga makes a slow, insinuating gesture to press a finger against her lips.

Kesä looks very confused, maybe even mildly offended, which Saga can completely understand. To his credit, though, he covers his own lips and nods, albeit with uncertainty. Saga gives him an encouraging thumbs up before they both exit the car.

It isn’t a long walk to the Sheriff’s Station. Saga pulls her windbreaker back on over her jacket and starts walking with a determination to reach it as soon as possible, but then remembers that Aleksi only has one shoe. She stops, waits for him to catch up, then continues walking a little slower.

Aleksi seems enthralled by the town, closely observing every building and sign. She finds that odd for a few different reasons that she intends to investigate once they’re able to communicate.

An FBC agent is stationed outside the station door, holding a rifle. He draws the attention of the townsfolk walking past. Upon seeing him, Saga’s instinct is to grab Aleksi’s hand like she would with Logan, but she refrains from actually doing it. He’s a grown man. He’s her senior, for crying out loud.

…She still wants him to stay behind her. Seeing him so scared and half-naked by the well has unintentionally altered her perception of him.

(The presence of the agent also catches her by surprise, as if she’d been expecting nobody to be there. She brushes the feeling off. There’s no reason to feel that way.)

Sucking in a deep breath to draw courage, Saga approaches the agent with Kesä right behind her.

Like clockwork, the agent moves to block the door. “Sorry ma’am, station’s closed under order of the Federal Bureau of Control.”

Saga pulls out her badge. “Saga Anderson, FBI. This case was mine to start with.”

The agent shifts his weight a little, nervous. Saga spots a lack of confidence that probably comes with being of lower rank. She could use that to her advantage.

“I’m here to speak to Agent Kiran Estevez.” She continues in an authoritative tone. “I have new, confidential information that I believe is highly important to this case.”

The agent looks between her and Kesä, unsure. “Uh, I don’t know if you should…”

“Agent Estevez specifically requested that I give her information about the case, along with my partner here. Are you stopping us from doing that, agent..?” Saga fishes for a name.

That seems to snap the agent into action, and he hurriedly steps aside.

“No, ma’am. Sorry, ma’am. Agent Estevez is inside.”

Saga nods and smiles, taking care to not let her relief show. “Thank you.”

They walk in before he has the chance to change his mind. The crowded interior takes Saga aback. Inside, a mix of FBC agents and police officers bustle around the cramped space. Some are behind the front desk, busy typing or examining files. Others stand in small groups, talking among themselves.

All of them stop what they’re doing upon their entrance.

From the corner of her eye, Saga sees Kesä’s body tense. She runs through her practiced monologue in her head in the hopes of making the next few minutes as seamless as possible. Introduce herself, explain why she’s here, explain that she needs help for Kesä and needs to speak to Wake.

She steels herself and clears her throat. “Hi, I’m here to talk to Kiran Estevez.”

“Anderson?”

Agent Estevez emerges from behind the front desk to face her, an array of folders under her arm.

“What are you doing here? Didn’t I tell you to…” Her gaze drifts over Saga’s shoulder. “Who’s this?”

Saga’s monologue crumbles into nothing.

“My partner, Agent Casey?” She answers, surprised. “The man I asked you to find?"

The last part is spoken with an unmasked indignation. Had the FBC not bothered to look for him? An MIA FBI agent caught in the crossfire of a dangerous shootout? If she hadn’t found him, how long would he have been out there, lost and alone?

The confusion on Estevez’s face only adds to the heat of Saga’s fury. She seems to study Kesä for a few moments before speaking up again.

“Right… no, you’re right, you did say that.” She shifts her focus back to Saga. “Sorry, we’ve got a lot we’re trying to handle right now, it must’ve slipped my mind.”

That’s no excuse. Saga wants to tear into Estevez right then and there, but holds herself back knowing that there are more important problems to deal with.

Estevez uses her free hand to gesture toward Saga’s arm. “Are you guys hurt?”

Saga makes a conscious effort to shake away her anger and focus on the situation. “We were attacked in Watery, I got clipped by a hatchet. But I think you should check Casey, he…”

She pauses. How does she tactfully say what she saw and convince them that it was all real?

“...How much do you know about what’s going on?” She asks instead.

“I could ask you the same thing.” Estevez replies smoothly.

It’s a fair response, Saga thinks, but it leaves her with the dilemma of what she should reveal. It all depends on how ‘unusual’ FBC cases got.

“I know that reality’s being rewritten into something it’s not.” Saga says. “I know about Alan Wake’s involvement, the Dark Presence and the Taken, and how they’re connected to Cauldron Lake and the murders.”

Estevez looks shocked. “Wow, okay… you know quite a lot then. Assuming that your ‘Dark Presence’ is the same as the Shadow, which does sound like-”

“I need to talk to Wake.” Saga interrupts. “I think I know a way he can fix reality. Please let me explain, people’s lives are in danger.”

“‘Fix reality?’” Echoes Estevez. “Agent, even if I could let you speak to a suspect in custody, encouraging someone like him to meddle with and potentially worsen the situation is definitely against protocol.”

“‘Someone like him?’” Saga counters. “What do you mean?”

“That’s classified information.” Estevez responds without missing a beat, even holding up the six folders she’s carefully balancing to make her point.

Saga’s eye catches one of the labels. On the side of one of the smaller folders, hidden between file codes and numbers, she sees the name ‘Alex Casey’ clear as day. Her anger returns in full swing.

“You literally have a file on him!” She exclaims, pointing to the file in question with her good arm. “You have a file on him, and you didn’t recognize him?!”

Estevez takes a step back. “What are you talking about? I…”

She turns the set of files around and looks over each one until her eyes widen. She sets down all the folders except for one, which she opens with an air of caution. Even though Saga can’t read any of the printed text on the inside, she can still make out Casey’s FBI headshot clipped to the top.

Estevez scans the page and then looks up again at Kesä, who shuffles awkwardly under her scrutinizing gaze. She blinks a few times then looks back down at the file.

After a few minutes of deliberation, she closes the file and turns to Saga with a bewildered look on her face.

“Okay Anderson, you’ve got my attention. I’ll hear you out. But first, we’ll get you guys to a medic.”

Saga’s relief almost overshadows her utter dread.

Finnish translations:

"Mitäs seuraavaksi?" = "What next?"

"Tulenko vaan perässä?" = "So do I just follow you?"

Thanks for reading! <3

#alan wake 2 #alan wake #alan wake 2 spoilers #saga anderson #aleksi kesä #alex casey #kiran estevez #fbc #federal bureau of control #a piece of true fiction #fanfic

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theelvenhaven · 11 months

Text

Blinded by Arrogance

Curufin x Reader

1.3k words

A/N: A big thank you to @saviorsong for helping find Curufin's more practical nature to help finish writing this fic.

Part 1 | Part 2

* * *

Something had changed. Dramatically.

The lavish gifts had all but come to a standstill- no more expensive clothes, or expensive bottles of wine and food. No more jewelry or other baubles and trinkets. To be perfectly honest you were entirely relieved that was the case. As nice as the gifts had been, it hadn’t felt genuine and just was a means to show off… Arrogant you dared to think.

Though you tried not to think of Lord Curufin like that seeing as in truth he had your heart. He made you feel all warm and fuzzy, you enjoyed the titillating conversations he shared with you. His mind was fascinating and his cleverness never failed to surprise you, but you had always wondered what soft things would sound like coming from him.

Well soft for Curufin, as you knew he was at all times a hard-ass. That was just part of who he was, and it was a treat you sometimes found equally as endearing as well as frustrating. As you just wanted him to show some emotion.

Especially if what he was lately insinuating was to be more romantically involved with you, seeing as he didn’t just gift anyone fine and expensive gifts. Let alone freely give out gifts made by his own hand, all of which had been exquisite.

Yet… it was impossible to notice the shift in his gifts and the things he was sharing with you now. Gifts that were meant to be more of the kind on sentiment. Curufin’s version of sentiment. Practical and logical.

While Curufin was no poet, he certainly was… blunt in explaining how he felt for you, the letter was very practical and well put together, in a very Curufin manner. It wasn’t anything like describing you to be a beauty that rivals the stars of Varda but it certainly got the point across that he found you beautiful, amongst other things.

In fact over the last several weeks, Curufin had sent you multiple letters and all of which you kept in one of the pretty trinket boxes that he gifted you. At least the gifts he did give you were usable.

There was another noticeable difference in Curufin’s behavior with you, he was a bit softer with you. Speaking in a noticeably gentler tone, brushing hair away from your face, even daring to let his hand brush against yours while walking close with you. It made your heart pound heavy in your chest, and left you blushing and overwhelmed- in a good way- by such small gestures.

It was all you needed to fall even harder for the Lord hook, line and sinker.

Curufin had noticed the change too, in your behavior. How responsive you were to those softer sappier things that Celegorm suggested- even if it wasn’t that sappy. If it were anyone else, he’d never… But because it was you, well… Curufin couldn’t deny that any of those things felt good to do with you. Proudly so, because he wasn’t afraid to show you off.

The rules of propriety were important, but when it came to you, Curufin was more than willing to bend them to his will. To dote on you, as soft as he could stand.

Now the two of you walked together through the walkways of Himlad, enjoying a comfortable silence between one another after a long conversation about how your day was going. You felt the familiar brush of his hand against yours and this time it certainly felt intentional instead of accidental.

You felt a warmth find your face at the feel of his hand against yours, as you wracked your brain in an effort to try and find something to talk about. But it was derailed as his rough hand suddenly slipped in with yours, his fingers lacing with yours and instinctively you closed your hand around his.

Curufin came to a stop, bringing you to halt as well, the Lord turning to face you. Confident that the two of you were alone with one another, you looked up to see bright gray eyes looking down at you. Again with a softer look in his eyes as his freehand came and brushed some of your hair out of your face.

“There is something I’ve been meaning to speak with you on.” Curufin began in his deep voice, “I didn’t feel it would be appropriate to do so in one of my letters to you.”

You felt your heart leap into your throat in excitement as you began to wonder what it was he could be getting ready to ask of you. If he was finally going to ask you to court him or if it were going to be something else. Maybe something along the lines of why you had rejected him despite all his courting gifts… He never really seemed to ask you why.

Though that didn’t explain why he was suddenly holding your hand, then again Lord Curufin could be a mystery to you with his intentions and meanings.

“Y/N, it is clear to me now, that the gifts I had been originally giving, were not ones that expressed my intentions more clearly.” Curufin said to you, having your full attention now, curious to see where this was going, along with that familiar palpitation of excitement returning in your chest.

“And your intentions being?” You said softly, in almost coy like fashion, prodding a little more in an effort to get him to get his point across a little quicker. Curufin thought for a moment on your words,

“My intentions being a that I wanted and would like to court you.” He said confidently, and you couldn’t help but begin to smile at his words, Curufin was pleased to see such a joyous expression on your face at the words.

“I think you are kind and intelligent. Our conversations are always fascinating, and I enjoy the banter in which we share with one another.” Curufin began, and you were quiet as you listened to him feeling a blush come to your face, even if it was a practical statement in its own way it was sweet to hear.

“Not to mention the fact that I find you attractive, beautiful I think is the better way to put it. I enjoy your cleverness and your ability to make me think on things from a new perspective.” He continued,

“And your stubbornness is admirable, seeing as you are rooted in your belief system in past conversations we’ve had even if I have tried to change your mind about something. Your personality is agreeable and I find it quite enjoyable.” For a moment Curufin paused, but you didn’t say anything as you waited for him to get to the crux of the matter. You were eager to hear whatever it was he said next,

“The fact of the matter is Y/N, despite what differences we do share with my practicality and your sentimentality I think we would make a fine match. I do not find myself often thinking so highly of someone else beyond my family members.” You hoped this wasn’t his way of asking you to court him, and Curufin could tell judging by the uncertainty on your face that you were looking for a proper question. He could admire your impatience as he simply just hadn’t made it that far yet,

“As I said, I did not think it would be appropriate to do this in my letters, so Y/N I would like to properly ask for your hand in courtship.” Curufin said, still holding your hand and he watched the smile that began to find your face now. He released the breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding, so Celegorm had been right after all. This more sentimental road had worked in capturing your heart, the same way you had very practically captured his heart.

“Yes! Curufin! I would love to court you!” You beamed ecstatically, before you pulled your hand away. Curufin had hardly any time to react before your arms were wrapping around his waist for an embrace. For a moment you felt him tense at your reaction, before his arms encircled your body to hold you to him, though it felt a little rigid.

But it felt good to be in his arms and to feel them around you. Finally things had worked themselves out for the better and now you could be with Curufin. Though there was still some arrogance, you were glad to see that he wasn’t blinded by it further anymore.

* * *

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