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navybrat817 · 21 days

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The Dad Diaries: Grief

Pairing: Dad!Bucky Barnes x Female Reader Summary: Bucky explains grief to Jamie as best as he can when you need a minute to yourself. Word Count: Over 1.2k Warnings: Angst, hurt/comfort, touch of fluff, grief, loss of a friend, reflecting, talk of death, feels (it's me), Bucky Barnes (he's a warning and a dad, okay?). A/N: Another part to the The Dad Diaries . Hope you lovelies enjoy. ❤️ Not beta read and written on my phone, so any and all mistakes are my own. Divider by the talented @firefly-graphics. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!

Bucky could hear your cries before he reached the bedroom, the sound causing a lump to form in his throat. He could picture you hastily wiping at your face when he knocked. You were in pain and it hurt him to know you were hurting. The worst part was that it wasn’t the kind of pain he could fix by patching it up. It was the kind of hurt that lingered beneath the surface before it clawed its way out.

Grief.

“Do you need anything, doll?” He asked.

“Just give me a minute, please!” You called out, your voice close to sounding like your normal self. You were trying your best to be strong when what you needed was a moment to break. People didn’t realize the weight of the things they carried until they buckled under them.

And you didn’t need to be strong all the time.

“Mama?” Jamie asked, reaching a hand out toward the door.

Bucky kissed the top of his head. “Mama needs a minute,” he whispered before he held him against his chest. He hoped his smell and steady heart beat soothed him. “She’ll snuggle up with you soon, okay?”

If anything could make you feel better apart from being in his arms, it was having your son nuzzle against you.

Jamie made a small sound, his lower lip trembling. “Mama,” he said again.

Bucky didn’t take it to heart that his son wanted you. He understood that there were days when he’d want his dad and other days he’d want his mom and times when he’d want both of you. If anything, he felt proud that his son wanted to go to you. Maybe he sensed that you needed support and love.

“I know you want your mama,” he said, carrying him back to the living room. “But you are stuck with me for another minute.”

Jamie moved his head, his eyes set in a stubborn stare. He looked so much like you at that moment, demanding with a look to know what was the matter and how to fix it. What could he say?

“Jamie, you know how you have your Uncle Steve and Uncle Sam and Aunt Nat and everyone else?” He asked, a sad smile touching his lips at the happy look in his little boy’s eyes at the mention of his friends. He wanted his child to hold onto that innocence for as long as he could. “Well, your mama had a friend who was going to be like an aunt to you, too.”

Was. Past tense. Because your friend recently passed away. You wondered if she knew how important she was to you. If she knew how she impacted your life. She was too young in your eyes to go. Still had so many things she wanted to do. While death is fair in that it comes for everyone, it doesn’t always feel fair when someone you care for is taken away too soon.

The one thing you were thankful for was that she was no longer in pain.

“Mama’s friend, your aunt, isn’t here anymore. She misses her and she’s sad that she’s gone.”

“Mama sad?” Jamie repeated, his eyes wide.

“Yeah, Nugget. She’s very sad. Grieving. And grief is… so many things,” Bucky explained, swallowing a bit as he felt a crack in his heart. “It’s loss and mourning. It’s love that you carry inside and it no longer has a place to go.”

Jamie gazed at him, soaking up every word. His son was too young to hear something like this. Too precious. But if life taught him anything, it’s that it was too short and there was no guarantee of tomorrow.

“Some days the grief comes out of nowhere. You never really know when it’ll happen or why. You may hear a song you’ve heard dozens of times before or catch a scent of something familiar and it triggers a memory or feeling,” he told him, kissing his forehead again because he needed to ground himself. “You think you’re fine and then you fall apart.”

That was exactly what had happened a few minutes prior. You were smiling one moment as the three of you sat in the living room and the next you burst into tears before you rushed out. Bucky wished like hell he could’ve manifested your sadness into something tangible so he could snuff it out. It wasn’t his battle to fight, but he could be by your side to wipe the tears away if you let him. Or whisper words of care. Or to say nothing at all. Some didn’t always want to hear words of comfort or hope when they just needed to feel.

He would be there to give you whatever you needed or asked for.

“It’s okay to feel those feelings, Jamie. I get sad, too. There’s no timeline for healing or grieving. It takes as long as it takes. And we’re lucky in a way to feel things so strongly,” he told him. You were always understanding and patient on his off days. He more than lucked out by having you as his wife. “You know what your Uncle Vis says grief is? That it’s love persevering,” he added, bouncing him a bit to make him smile. It put a smile on his face, too. “And your mama has so much love to give.”

“So do you.”

Bucky looked toward the doorway where you stood. Bloodshot and puffy eyes, but with a small smile on your beautiful face. He wanted to hold you and remind you that you weren’t alone. “Hey,” he said as Jamie reached for you. “I think he wants to cheer you up.”

“Is that right? Well, I think a snuggle with my boys is just the thing I need,” you said as you took a seat beside Bucky and took Jamie into your arms. “Sorry I rushed off like that.”

“Don’t be,” Bucky whispered. He had plenty of moments where he needed to step away and compose himself when his thoughts got too loud. “We just want you to be okay,” he added, kissing your temple before Jamie grabbed your face.

“Mama no sad,” he said, forcing your cheeks up in a smile. The sight almost brought tears to Bucky’s eyes because it was so simple and heartfelt. “No sad.”

You giggled, a soft sound, before it erupted into full blown laughter. It soothed the crack he felt earlier in his heart. The room felt brighter, especially when Jamie joined in with the laughter. “Not sad, Nugget,” you assured him before you looked at your husband, love shining through like always. “Not anymore.”

The grief from your loss would come again in waves. Just like the days Bucky mourned the parts of his life he lost and couldn’t get back. Some days were harder than others, especially when regret and “what if’s” came to mind, but the important thing was that neither of you allowed yourselves to live alone or lose yourselves in grief. Not when there was so much to be thankful for.

You felt what you needed to feel. You asked for help and leaned on each other. And you carried on together.

Because what is grief, if not love persevering?

I lost more than one loved one recently and writing this helped me process some of the loss. We all need someone like Bucky. Love and thanks for reading. ❤️

Masterlist ⚓ Bucky Barnes Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi

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forever-rogue · 1 year

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thank u for feeding my joel brainrot

may i request something a bit angsty where reader gets injured but still lives through it although seeing reader injured and joel having to carry her brought him flashbacks to sarah

AN | Pain! We have some pain - but also a whole lot of fluff! Enjoy ❤️

Pairing | Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Warnings | Language

Word Count | 2.7k

Masterlist | Joel, Main

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“We need to get back,” his gruff voice cut through the fleeting moment of happiness. You knew he was right, and he knew that you knew he was right. You bent down and plucked one of the few blooms that had actually managed to blossom in the barren field. It was a pretty, small thing, purplish blue with soft petals.

You turned around to face Joel again and held the flower out to him, a gentle expression on your face compared to the hard look on his face. After a few beats of silence passed before he took it from your hands, twirling it between his fingers, “Joel-”

“It’s going to be dark soon,” he cut you off, bringing a pout to your face but you nodded in understanding. He studied the expression on your face before sighing heavily, his shoulders sagging with what felt like the weight of the world, “it’s not safe out here. I’d let you stay out here as long as you wanted if -”

“Things were different,” you finished for him and he caught your eye before offering a curt nod. It was a risk being out of the Quarantine Zone in general, and you weren’t lost on the fact that Joel put a lot on the line in order to get out, even if it was just for a few hours. Before you could say anything else, he tenderly tucked the flower behind your ear, his hand going to your jaw as he studied you. Wordlessly he leaned in and pressed his lips to your cheek, a mere ghost of a kiss.

“Come on,” it took a moment to shake off the stupor his sweet gesture had thrown you in. It wasn’t that Joel wasn’t kind or loving, he was just…rough around the edges. You couldn’t blame him; you couldn’t blame anyone these days. He’d lost so much more than you had, and had experienced a full life before the outbreak. You were a fair bit younger, hadn’t had the full chance at life yet, and it had been easier for you to adapt. Which felt weird at best to say. He showed his affections differently, but you welcomed them how they came.

He turned around and set off back towards the QZ, leaving behind only the crunching of gravel under his boot. You made quick work of grabbing a few more flowers and gently stuffing them into your backpack before turning to follow him, “Joel?”

He made a sound of acknowledgment but didn’t turn around, expecting you to catch up with him. When he noticed that you weren’t right there, he turned around, hands on his hips accompanied by a heavy sigh, “you better hurry up or I’ll leave you here on your own!”

“You wouldn’t dare,” you flung the backpack over your shoulder before running to catch up to him. You were laughing now and you could see the tiniest of smiles on his face. It was a rare occurrence and you tried to make it come out as possible; he had the loveliest smile, even if he didn’t agree. When you finally caught up to him, you stopped and almost skidded onto the ground, breathless but happy, “you love me too much for that.”

“Whatever you say kid,” you knew him well enough by now to know that tender affection laced his words, “c’mon. It’s probably going to rain on top of it.”

“I like the rain,” you mused as you fell into step with him. He didn’t say anything, but you knew that he was listening intently, “when I was a kid…we had this huge pond right near our house. Whenever it rained all the frogs would come out, and they’d be so loud, especially the bullfrogs. It was like they were singing, in their own froggy way. I used to go out there and sit and listen to them. My mom would always have to drag me inside and insisted I would get a cold from being out in the rain, even though she knew that wasn’t how it worked. I miss that…I miss being able to just do things and not have to worry about anything.”

Joel was silent, but you knew he’d listened to every word you said. Sometimes he wasn’t a man of many words. But you felt him reach for your hand, taking it in his and threading your fingers together. He let out a world-weary, tired sigh, “me too.”

It was silent for a lot of the walk back, but it was a comfortable silence, a lot of understanding flowing between the two of you. It wasn’t until you reached the hill you’d have to climb down to get back that you worried about anything. Climbing up had been one thing, easy, even if it left you breathless. Getting back down seemed like an entirely different challenge.

“You alright?” he noticed your hesitation as you swallowed thickly, but only nodded, “follow after me.”

You watched as Joel tossed his backpack down, before slowly traversing through the uneven ground to get back down. In reality, it wasn’t that huge of a drop, but it still made you nervous. Once he was safely back on the level ground, he waved for you to go. You tossed the backpack down, letting it land next to him. You grabbed onto a thin tree trunk, trying to stabilize your footing before going down.

But fate seemed to have another plan. A very painful plan. As soon as you’d let go of the tree, you went to shuffle down but the uneven soil caused you to slip and start to tumble. It all happened so fast, that it seemed to be over before you knew it and you were on the ground, the air almost knocked from your lungs as you landed on your side.

You knew something was wrong almost immediately as you felt pain shooting up your leg and saw the odd angle it was bent at. A shaky breath escaped your lips, tears already welling up, an involuntary reaction to the pain your body was experiencing.

You whimpered as you tried to move your leg, but Joel was already at your side, hands on your biceps as he helped you to sit up. A look of sheer panic was written all over his face, “oh baby. What happened? What…fuck. Fuck.”

“It hurts,” you cried trying to move so you could inspect the damage. There was a nasty, gnarly looking gash running down your left leg from knee to ankle. Your ankle was already swelling and bruising, and you knew that something was wrong. Your breathing was ragged and you knew that all you needed to do was calm down and everything would be alright, “‘m scared.”

“I know, baby. But it’s okay. I’ve got you, okay? Don’t look at your leg,” he cradled your face in his hands as he turned your face up to his, “just look at me. Look at me, okay?”

“Okay,” big, fat crocodile tears ran down your cheeks and you saw him close his eyes for a moment, trying to collect himself. You could tell he was nervous, and trying to keep it together; one of you had to be calm and strong right and it had to be him. He brushed your tears away before pressing a kiss to your forehead, “Joel…”

“Eyes on me,” he repeated as you only managed to nod. He reached into his backpack and grabbed out some of the first aid supplies, which he thankfully always brought, before getting out some antiseptic liquid, clean gauze, and some bandages, “this is going to hurt a little bit, okay? Just hold onto my arm, squeeze as tight as you need to.”

Despite his warning, you were not prepared for the pain that the liquid was going to bring out. It was a deep cut, you could tell from the blood and agony, but fuck. It was extremely painful and you gasped wildly as you clutched onto his upper arm tightly, “it hurts. It hurts, Joel. Please.”

“I know,” he whispered softly, his own voice thick with tears. This was one of his worst nightmares - that something would happen to you, and he wouldn’t be able to do anything about it. He’d been through this same situation before and his heart couldn’t handle having to go through it again, especially if something were to happen to you. He quickly wiped away the tears that blurred his vision with the back of his hand. He knew that he’d be all bruised up from where you were holding him, but he didn’t care, “almost done. You’re okay, baby.”

You weren’t able to form any coherent words, only making small sounds of pain as he worked to clean the wound, slapping on some antibiotic spray, and wrapping it up as tightly and securely as possible. The sting and pain slowly started to subside and your breathing slowly started to even out and the next time you looked down, all you could see was white bandaging. You loosened your grip on his arm, still shaky and worried, “i-is it going to be okay?”

“It’ll be okay for now,” he promised, tenderly brushing your rogue locks of hair out of your face, “and it will be okay. I think you’re going to need stitches, but that can be easily done when we get back.”

“Thank you,” before you could think about it, you wrapped your arms around his neck and hugged him tightly, trembling in his grasp. He held onto you just as tightly, closing his eyes and trying to focus on his breathing, “thank you.”

He held you for a few minutes longer before reluctantly pulling back and standing up. Joel held out his hands towards you, and slowly helped you to your feet - foot - catching you as you stumbled slightly. His frown deepened when he saw you struggling to put any weight on it, “can you walk?”

“No,” you sniffled and the memory of his daughter in the same situation flashed in his mind. This time though, he swore it to himself and to the universe, there would be a different outcome, “‘s bad. It hurts. You have to leave me. Go back and I-I can wait a bit until it gets better.”

“No,” he insisted firmly, leaving absolutely no room for discussion, “I am not leaving you out here on your own. Are you crazy?”

“Joel, I can’t walk!” you tried to keep yourself from panicking, trying not to imagine every horrible thing that could happen, “you have to leave me.”

“I am not leaving you, and that’s final,” he grabbed both of your backpacks and threw them on. He turned to you with a hard look on your face and you knew in that moment that it wasn’t anger or annoyance - it was fear. He was scared, “I’m going to carry you.”

“I-”

“It is not up for discussion,” there was no amusement anywhere on his face as he gently scooped you into his arms, cradling you tightly to his chest. You wrapped your arms around his neck, closing your eyes as you listened to his breathing, the sound of his heart as he started to head back. After a while of silence, both of you on edge for different reasons, he whispered to you, “I’m going to keep you safe. I won’t ever let anything happen to you.”

You weren’t sure if he expected a response or even wanted one, but you couldn’t let his words die in silence, “I love you, too.”

He didn’t need to say the words in order for you to know exactly what he meant. You already knew; everything he’d ever done or said told you so.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You’d fallen asleep at some point, whether from sheer exhaustion or the overwhelming, or a combination of the two, you didn’t know. The last thing you really remembered was coming Joel sneaking back in, extremely careful since he was carrying you. As soon as you’d gotten back to his place, you passed out. But you were home and safe - just like he’d promised.

Your eyes were dry and heavy by the time you opened them up, slowly sitting up as you looked around. It was light outside, but rain was slowly falling outside, gently tapping against the window. You made a small sound as you rubbed at your bleary eyes. You could smell fresh coffee and you knew that Joel was there.

Before you could even call for him, you felt the bed dip at your side. You smiled softly when you found Joel on his knees at your side, eyes nervous and expectant. You laid back down, burrowing into his pillow and inhaling his familiar scent that clung onto the fabric. You reached over and put your hand on his face, stroking your thumb over his cheek, “my hero.”

He scoffed at that but you grabbed his chin and forced him to look back at you, to look into your eyes. He wrapped his fingers around your wrist before, squeezing delicately, “baby.”

“I mean it Joel,” this time you made sure he knew that you were leaving no room for discussion. He exhaled slowly, closing his eyes before you could feel him nod lightly into your touch, “thank you for saving me.”

“As if that was ever a question,” he pulled your hand away, holding it in his before squeezing gently and pressing a kiss to your knuckles, “you had me scared, kid.”

“I had me scared,” you laughed softly, the sound causing his heart to melt slightly, “I’m sorry, Joel.”

“Don’t be sorry,” he insisted, wishing he could find all the words to properly convey how he was feeling. It was so many things all at once, and almost overwhelmed him, “your leg is stitched up but the ankle...it’s not broken, but it's a bad sprain. You’re going to have to take it easy for a while.”

“Ugh. That’s not-”

“For me?” he pulled out the one thing he knew you wouldn’t say no to, “please? Baby.”

“Fine,” you sighed dramatically, causing the smallest of smiles to tug up the corner of his mouth, “will you get me my backpack, please?”

“I don’t think you-”

“Joel,” you pulled out your best puppy dog eyes, the very ones you knew he couldn’t say no to. He grumbled under his breath, the sound laced with affection as he went over to the door to fetch your pack. He set it next to you on the bed before nudging you over so he could sit at your side.”

You unzipped it and quickly reached inside for the flowers you’d collected. Luckily, for some reason, they weren’t terribly squished and you were able to pull them out intact. You bundled them together in your hand before holding them out to Joel.

“What are you doing, huh?”

“They’re for you,” you smiled sweetly, “I picked them for you. Flowers always brighten my day and so do you. Who better to give them to?”

He immediately felt choked up at your kind gesture, slowly taking them from your hand, his fingers brushing over yours. He looked at them before looking back at your eager eyes, a smile, big and genuine, crossing his features. You would do anything to keep that smile on his face. He exhaled softly, taking one of your hands in his and meeting your eyes, “I love you.”

All you could do was match his smile as you tugged on his hand so he would join you on the bed. He gently set the flowers onto the nightstand and climbed in next to you, wrapping an arm around your waist as he pulled you into him, your back against his chest. You closed your eyes as you snuggled against him, putting a hand over his. In that moment, there was nowhere else you’d rather have been.

“I love you too, Joel.”

#joel miller #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #joel miller x fem!reader #joel miller imagine #joel miller one shot #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x you #pedro pascal x reader #tlou #tlou hbo

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simplyavatrice · 1 year

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I think it's easy to forget just exactly what Ava went through. She was SEVEN years old and woke up in strange place, with cranky old nuns, only to find out she was paralyzed and that her mom had died. Not only that, but no other member of her family ever came for her. Nobody was looking for her, nobody wanted her and suddenly she's all alone and dealing with the loss of her mothre and her independence.

You'd think, oh well maybe she has a support system in the orphanage? Nope, they treat her like shit, like the burden she believes she is. As someone who has been in a wheelchair their whole life, let me tell you, feeling like a burden is an everyday thing. You’re not, and having people who remind you that you’re not and make you understand that you’re not is beautiful, but Ava didn’t have that. She had Sister Frances, who went out of her way to tell Ava she was worthless and I doubt anyone else there was much better.

So it's no wonder Ava was a sarcastic, snarky little shit to the nuns in the orphanage - they made her that way. Being bratty to them was the only thing she could do to feel some semblance of control.

Flash forward to Ava's death, where she was literally murdered because nobody cared and there was nowhere for her to go. Ava spent twelve years in a personal hell of being trapped in her own body, was then killed like someone taking out the garbage. Empty, alone and tossed aside.

So when she was revived by the halo, with her legs suddenly working and freedom to do whatever she wanted, of COURSE she wanted to be free.

That's the entirety of Ava's character arc - SHE WANTS TO LIVE! She hasn't been able to for so long she barely remembers how to do it.

It's not that easy, of course, the halo carries a ton of weight and Ava fights it and runs from it and resists it as much as she can, and who can blame her? She finally gets the chance to be alive, to be free and enjoy life and all these strangers (who are everywhere becuase Ava is completely alone in the world) are pushing and pulling her in every direction. She's constantly told that she doesn't deserve the halo. Doesn't deserve this chance.

Despite ALL of that, Ava's heart is strong and her passion for life overshadows all the darkness she's been dealt. She isn't just full of life, but love. She's spent years not having anyone to love her, but more than that, she's never been able to give anyone her love and I think that's very important to her. We see it so much as the show goes on. Her softness with Mother Superion when she finds her halo scar, and the way she connects with Mary, Camila being sweet to her, little things like that.

Then of course there's Bea.

Beatrice, who never sees Ava as someone that needs to be replaced, but as someone who can be taught, trained and shaped into what they need. Who sees that Ava, the human being, has value and that she's worth protecting. They connect and share and for the first time, Ava has someone who actually accepts her as a person. Not a burden or a vessel for the halo, but Ava Silva, the girl inside that's been so alone for so long.

I think that's why Ava is so bouncy with Bea, falls for her so easily, because Beatrice saw Ava's zest for life and her need for love and embraced it. Saw it as something worth fighting for, beyond the halo or duty, Beatrice liked HER. Probably the first person who felt that way since her mother was taken from her (outside of Diego, but he was so young it couldn't have been the same).

Anyway, this long winded post that probably doesn't make any sense is just my way of saying that I love Ava. I love her joy and her humor. I love that she has had so much pain dumped on her and still chooses to smile. Given the way she was treated and the power she was given, Ava could have been a villain. She could have carried a hatred for god or the world and everyone in it who forgot about her but she didn't. Instead, she found the life and love she desperately wanted and gave up everything to protect it.

#ava silva #avatrice #warrior nun #this is my long overdue ava silva appreciation post #sometimes you just find characters that hit different and she's that for me #i'm not sure i'll find one i enjoy more than her #save warrior nun #alba baptista #she deserves all the awards for her performance of ava #she's INCREDIBLE

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sunny44 · 10 months

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Now everything is fine

Pairing: Lewis Hamilton x girlfriend!reader

Warnings: blood, hospital, discussion and mentions of abortion.

Summary: The FIA event brings to light many revelations but also makes some relationships fixed (or nearly so).

Previous part

Y/N POV

FIA event and for the first time I would be going, not only me but Lewis and the baby.

I put on a black dress that he had bought for me that he said would look great with my tiny baby bump.

As soon as we arrived at the event Lewis and I posed on the red carpet as we knew we would not escape this part and we finally made it inside. We were taken to our table and unfortunately for me it was the same table as the other drivers, so obviously Max was there with his sister which surprised me as she didn't like that sort of thing.

But times change and so do people.

"Y/n?" I hear her voice and Max sees me for the first time that night. "Wow you look beautiful, what are you doing here?"

"I came with my boyfriend." I said pointing to Lewis who was talking to Toto who was at the team principals table.

"Oh I didn't know you were dating him." She says smiling.

"It's recent, for the public actually. We’ve been together for a while" She agrees.

"you're really beautiful."

"Thanks, so are you. I heard you had kids."

"Yes and they are the most beautiful things in the world." She says taking her cell phone from her purse and showing me a picture of them with her and I couldn't help but notice that the boy she said was "Luka" was the exact copy of her brother.

"They are beautiful, congratulations."

"I guess I should congratulate you." She points to my belly and smiles. "Is it recent?"

"Yes, a few months. We don't even know the sex yet."

"You're going to be a great mom, I'm sure of it." I smiled at her who returned there seat and sat down next to Charles since I didn't want to say next to Max so Lewis would be next to him.

"How are you?" Charles asks me.

"I'm fine and you?"

"Fine too, you look fantastic."

"Stop hitting on my girlfriend Leclerc." Lewis says sitting next to me passing his arm across my back.

"That's kind of hypocritical of you to say." Max comments taking a sip of what he was drinking.

"What was that supposed to mean?"

"You telling Leclerc to stop being all over your girlfriend when you are dating my ex."

"Max." His sister speaks up.

"Look Max I'm not your property, the fact that I'm your ex doesn't change anything in my life or your life so stop acting like I dumped you because that wasn't the situation."

"Y/n..." he says and I stand up.

"No Max, I was the one who got hurt so can you stop reminding me of one of the worst times in my life and let me be happy? Is that too much to ask?" Just then I feel a sharp pain and liquid running down my legs and the next thing I know there is blood on the floor. "Lewis."

"Okay calm down, let's go to the hospital."

"Y/n I..." his sister holds him up as Lewis carries me away.

"Lewis the baby."

"It's going to be okay love, just take a deep breath."

Lewis POV

After we got to the hospital they took her to do some tests and I stood outside waiting and the doctor appears and I stand up.

"Is she going to be okay, what about the baby?"

"They are both fine and Mrs. Hamilton will be fine but she needs to avoid stress as much as possible or the pregnancy could become risky so situations that make her too nervous should be avoided."

"All right, thank you." He squeezes my hand.

"She's in room 708, you can go there now.”

I agreed right away hearing footsteps and looked up seeing Max and his sister.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, already getting defensive.

"Is she awake?" His sister asked.

"I haven't gone in yet but if you can check for me I'd appreciate it." She agreed. "Room 708."

"Thanks." She leaves.

"So?"

"My sister wanted to come check on her and I came to apologize." I was surprised to hear those words coming out of his mouth." She doesn't know what I'm about to tell you now and I know you'll keep it a secret."

"What is it?"

"I was going to propose to her the day we broke up, or rather the day I was forced to break up with her."

"What are you talking about?"

"Because I was very influenced by my father and in his mind me getting married at 21 was too crazy so he yelled and said that I would never be anything in life but a husband, that I would never achieve anything in my career and that I would never be a champion if she was in my life. So I gave up the best thing in my life for a chance to win the championship." I just listened to him. "You know how special she is and how easy it is to fall in love with her. And I just want to apologize to you but mostly to her."

"Look, I'll see if she wants to talk to you or not. The argument at the party is what made her nervous and she can't stress any more or she might lose the baby."

"Okay, I'll wait here." I agreed and walked into the room seeing her laughing with his sister.

"Well I'll leave you two alone, I just came to see if you were alright." They smile at each other and say goodbye.

"Hi love." She says in a weak voice.

"Hi, how are you feeling?"

"Weak but fine, the doctor said the baby is fine."

“Yes, the baby is okay and that’s great news.” She smiled.

“Are you ok?”

"Max is here." She took a deep breath.

"I know he is the last person you want to see right now but he asked me to ask if you can just listen to him."

"What do you think?" She asks holding my hand and the other was on top of her stomach.

"I think it costs nothing to just listen but just if you feel up to it, the doctor said you can't stress yourself."

"You can let him in."

I agreed and kissed her forehead leaving the room letting him know he could come in.

Y/N POV

The door opened and he entered the room, gave a half smile and sat in the chair next to me.

"Hi, how are you feeling?"

"Could be better." He agreed. "What do you want? And please if you are going to talk about our situation please don't, I can't stress myself and you know I can't lose this baby."

"I know, the last time it happened broke you." I was just listening. "I just came to apologize. I shouldn't be forcing you to talk to me, you don't owe me anything. In fact I owe you a lot and I'm sorry."

"I don't know if I can forgive you, you hurt me so much and I can't get rid of the feeling of sadness when I see you." He agrees. "But I accept your apology and based on the situation we’re living I will probably be more present in the paddock, so since we will see more of each other next I think we can move on home with our lives."

"I would love that." He smiles and stands up. "Well I’m gonna get going, you probably want your boyfriend's company and I'm here getting in the way. I hope you get better and I know you are going to be an amazing mother."

"Thanks Max."

And after that day I was finally able to move on without having past hurts getting in the way of my future.

I thing this is having a part 3.

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mswyrr · 1 month

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finally saw Lisa Frankenstein

SPOILERS BELOW

i love that this movie is about true love and the writing has no compunction about needing to pretend like true love has to be between moral people - soulmates can be kind of selfish assholes who are nonetheless absolutely perfect for each other and tender and good to each other

and i love, after choking on so many heroines who are so pure it's inhuman in recent YA (which I largely only read for canon f/f) for Lisa to just be... so id-tastic and her story to be driven by the intense feelings of teenage girl coming-of-age stuff that gets prettied up and erased

she was internalizing her pain the way a good girl is "supposed to" -she was hurting so much that she wished she was dead with him. instead, he comes to her and they BOTH come more and more alive as he kills the people who hurt her. in increasingly "unfair" ways because it's not about right & wrong

he's kind of her dark side, speaking to and expressing the things she's shoved down inside along with her will to live - as he acts those things out, as she is complicit and eggs it on, covering for him and feeding him the attempted rapist as a victim, her will to live comes back

but they don't do the "maleficent" (and the whole "bad girl but in a safe way" kind of story) thing of making Lisa's dark side "safe" and her only fairly getting revenge - the darkness the Creature speaks to and acts out is not fair, it is not safe or contained.

instead of internalizing her pain, Lisa shares in externalizing it and making other people hurt and she blossoms into herself. and who she is is a bit cringe in the best possible way? she's embracing her own life energy, or own crazy selfish lustful weird set of desires.

it's about Lisa's feelings and what she WANTS, morals enter nowhere into it. except when it comes to Taffy - the one person who really tried to love her at her most broken. everyone else abandoned Lisa emotionally--including her father--but Taffy tried to be there, as awkward as that could be at times

speaking of which: Taffy and Lisa make an interesting contrast to Needy and Jennifer from Jennifer's Body (also a film by Diablo Cody and she says they both take place in the same storyverse). both Jennifer and Lisa decide that what makes them feel most alive is embracing their inner monster, but Taffy doesn't go all "i have to kill the beast" the way Needy does. i like this much better. Taffy is wearing Lisa's mom's rosary at the end and, by doing so, accepting Lisa's "I love you" despite everything Lisa did. whereas Needy ends up ripping off the BFF necklace and rejecting Jennifer's love. In my mind the two films are a tale of two necklaces now lol - one where the "good" girl rejects the monster girl and the other where she accepts that love and carries it with her.

#lisa frankenstein #my meta #monster girls #monster romance #lisa frankenstein meta #Lisa's journey reminded me a lot of Heathers (1988) in that the male love interest is the expression of the heroines dark side imo -#unlike Veronica Lisa doesn't want to put limits on her dark side. The only one she sets is that Taffy is off limits. Everything else is ok

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akumicchi · 13 days

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𝔗𝔬 𝔟𝔢 𝔥𝔢𝔞𝔯𝔡.

112 prayers

A hopeful message with no destination.

You will never be too heavy for me.

Content: angst, breakdown, hints of depression. Suguru's POV. OC appearance.

I smelled it before I saw it. I felt it before I heard it; the presence, the humming. I had never entertained the idea of time travel. No one could actually predict a forced turn in the highway of time, even if Back to the Future made it look so comical. Despite that, I found myself basking in that presence, in that humming, and let it drive me off to when I was a child: innocent and safe.

“Mom?”, hoarse. Silence. A knot of guilt tightened itself up inside my chest. ‘Don’t go’.

“Sorry, did I wake you up?”, there weren't the walls of my room around me, no posters, no bookshelves nor pictures. In fact, there was no room at all. Just an open field I didn't know, somewhere I couldn't remember. I wasn't curled against my mother either. It was just Hogo, and it made me more at ease than expected.

Not being alert in a strange place was a punch to my instincts, but I couldn't bring myself to care aside from a simple:

“Where are we?”

“We’re at school. I carried you here, remember?”, oh yes. She and her stupidly strong arms. “You fell asleep though, so you probably don't”.

I did remember not wanting to come, earlier that day. The air had felt like lead for the entire … month?, weighing heavy on my lungs with each breath. Every layer of clothing was a tight rope made of rubber. It didn't matter how much I tried to fight the dark clouds, they only grew thicker and tighter. It was exhausting. It'd be way easier to just give into the misery. ‘Ah… everyone would be so disappointed to see me like this, choosing the easy way. But I can't carry this and pretend anymore’. So I hid from sewing fake smiles on my face. I just wanted to drown in the pain without witnesses.

Despite that, I let her in.

“C'mon, I want to show you something.”

“I don't really feel like walking anywhere right now”, it had been four days since Tsukumo Yuki talked to me on that very bench, and left me with more thoughts than I could manage. I needed quiet. “Maybe next time”.

Hogo crouched in front of me. Her voice was soft, the one she used when talking to kids. “Please, it won't be long, I promise. We go and then we come back. You will like it”, her eyes were clouded with worry, she looked pretty like that too, “You don't even have to walk if you don't want to”.

“Hmm? How come? You can teleport now, too?”, I cocked a brow, feeling the slight tug of a smile against my will. ‘The things she makes me do’. Her hands closed and opened for a second. She wanted to hug me, and the realization of this loud and clumsy girl being so mindful around me made my chest ache.

“Well, I'll show you if you agree to come with me”, she sang quietly with a spray of confidence.

I was so eager to get an answer to these haunting questions. Haibara’s response was as simple as his own mind. Tsukumo Yuki’s, on the other hand… It was complicated. Or maybe it wasn't? Maybe I had made my choice? But what if I was wrong? How could I know? What would she say? I wanted her thoughts, a piece of her mind to tell me…anything.

‘But not now’. The scent from her neck lulled my senses quiet. The tree leaves above our heads were kind enough to shield us from the summer afternoon. Hogo’s hand traced my skin, untangling my worries stroke by stroke. My legs were folded on her lap, and the vague memory of being cradled this way made me feel so innocent. Too warm to think. Too soft. Too comfortable.

She had a book propped up against my thigh. It was open roughly around the middle.

“What are you reading?”

“112 prayers at midnight”, she hummed, eyes not leaving the pages.

“That's an odd number of prayers”.

“Yeah. It's a story about a non-believer trapped in a time loop trying to save his loved ones after losing them to a mistake… He prays every time for the loop to restart.”

“For a non believer he surrendered fast… At least he has a second chance”.

Silence settled between us. A few seconds later she spoke again.

“Hum, I thought about that too, ‘To pray for time to go back, it's so unfair’. But as twisted as it is, I just can't stop reading. Maybe I'll be surprised”.

“Who’s that god that answers at the first call? That's a real surprise. I'd like to meet him”, that was a slip. My throat tightened and by no means I expected how broken I actually sounded.

Her arms held me closer. When she pressed her lips against my forehead, a sob almost broke through every wall I had built.

“Me too”.

Stop being like this. Don't hold me, don't carry me somewhere calm, don't kiss me so softly. Stop making me feel so small! I don't want the sun, I don't want the breeze, I don't want clouds, or words, or songs, or flowers; I don't want any of it!!

“Shh… it's okay, I've got you”.

#jjk x reader #jjk geto #jjk suguru #jjk fanfic #jjk geto suguru #jjk suguru geto #jjk angst #jjk #jujutsu geto #jujutsu suguru #jujutsu angst #jujutsu sorcerer #jujutsu kaisen suguru #jujutsu kaisen geto #jujutsu kaisen angst #jujutsu kaisen comfort #tw depressing thoughts

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storiesbyjes2g · 4 months

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3.69 Done

I stepped outside to greet Sophia and see why she lingered outside. She stood on the sidewalk with her eyes fixed on her phone's screen. As I approached, I saw pain etched on her face like a tattoo. She wasn't looking at the phone at all; it was just a prop. A stall tactic while she willed herself to be okay. I dashed over and gave her a tight squeeze, assuring her that everything will be fine. It took no time for her to let the weight of her sorrow crash down on me. As tears ran down her face, I whispered reassurances, encouraging her to let it all out. Though I hated hearing her wails of desperation, I'm glad she let go because she'd been carrying that burden for a while. She did what she believed was right, persevering at work because of a long-held dream. But it slowly destroyed her.

When she was ready to talk, she'd talk, so I didn't prod her. I just stood there, being the support and comfort she needed me to me. Moments later, she pulled away and looked up at me with red, glassy eyes.

"Luca?"

I grabbed her hands.

"I'm here."

"You were right."

I honestly hated hearing that, but it was music to my ears. I wanted what was best for her, and that job was not it.

"I'm gonna take a few days off and figure this out," she continued.

"Take all the time you need. I love you and don't want to see you like this again. I got you. Don't worry."

"Thanks. I really appreciate you, Luca. I'm not spontaneous, and I wish I had even half of your confidence, so quitting without a plan has always terrified me. I think I just needed someone to tell me it's going to be okay."

"It's definitely going to be okay. I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it."

"I know you wouldn't."

"Mama's still here. You want me to tell her to go home?"

"Nooo, don't send her away on my account. I'll be fine. Just give me a minute."

I held her again, hoping to transfer my strength and positive energy to her. When she was ready, we went inside. Mama was playing with the dogs in the kitchen, and when she noticed Sophia, I could see the alarms beginning to blare. Sophia was in front of me, so I shook my head, pleading with Mama not to engage. Luckily, my message was received, and she quickly thought of something else to say.

"I was just giving your babies a little birthday tussle."

Sophia painted on a smile that looked partially genuine.

"That's so rude they aged up without me. I didn't realize they were that old."

"Me neither," I said. "It was pretty uneventful anyway."

Rosie was trying to convince Kooper to play, but he wasn't having it, so I stepped away from the conversation to address her. The ladies sat, and I hoped Mama would behave. I couldn't really hear what they spoke about over Rosie's excited yelps, but at one point I thought I heard the word vacation, and my antennas went all the way up. But by then, Mama had to go.

I would never wish away my mom, but I was relieved when she left. I wanted Sophia to have a quiet, cozy evening with minimal distractions. Socializing drained her energy, and even though she'd take time off and would have time to recover, I wanted her to conserve. It was a good thought, in theory, but life didn't always go our way. An hour later, as I put the finishing touches on dinner, someone knocked at the door. I rolled my eyes in disdain at the nerve of whoever dared to disturb Sophia's peace. When I saw it was Dad, I felt a little better. He wouldn't stay long and was much better at reading rooms.

"Hey, Dad! You just missed mom."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah, she left about an hour ago. You hungry? I made spaghetti."

"No, I'm fine. But thanks. I just came to meet these little singers of yours."

"Ha! Well, they're not so little anymore."

We went inside, and Sophia had already finished her food. I really hoped she'd go through with quitting, if only so dinner could stop being her first meal. Sadly, most days, I failed to wake up with her and cook breakfast. Early mornings were just not my thing.

We joined her at the table, and I could see the point where he realized something was wrong. I knew he wouldn't ask, but I couldn't risk it and told him of my SimTube success.

"Wow! That's awesome," he said.

I went on to tell him about our plans to move and get a bigger house and gently hinted at some career changes for Sophia. This extra money couldn't have come at a better time.

"You know," Dad began, "your mom's candle business originated from a dream I had of a family operation."

"Really? I mean, I knew you were the one who taught her, but it always seemed kind of random."

"My father was a carpenter, and I inherited his crafting spirit. I learned how to make all kinds of things, but woodworking was my favorite. I always wanted to teach my children how to craft and start a business selling handmade goods that would be family owned and operated."

Wooooow. If my parents had stayed together, I might have been a maker? That was wild to me. I didn't often think about how different my life would have been without the divorce, but when I did, it was fascinating. But I could take those thoughts only but so far because at a certain point my would-be life became unrecognizable and unappealing. We may have never gone to Mt. Komorebi when we did, and I never would have met Sophia.

"My plan was to keep working my job until the business could support itself and our family. We didn't have a lot when I was growing up, so I told myself if I ever had extra money, I'd save some of it and invest the rest so I could generate some passive income. Maybe that's what you should do with this new SimTube money."

"That's not a bad idea, Dad. Thanks. I never would have considered that."

The business and finance world was completely foreign to me, so I asked questions about where and how to go about it, what portion I should invest, and the like. Much like many other father-son discussions we've had, I appreciated the unexpected but much-needed lesson. I realized no matter how old I got or how much I matured, there'd always be something he could teach me until the day he left this world.

#ISBI challenge #sims 4 story #sims 4 gameplay #adolting #adolting gen 3 #emerald pope #luca winston murillo #sophia aguilar #ali murillo #rosie #kooper

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mariaofdoranelle · 10 months

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Look at Us Now - Ch. 11

Fic masterlist

This week I had to reassure two different friends about a Rowaelin HEA for this fic, can you believe this? It’s like you guys don’t trust my fluff-loving side at all lmaoo

Warnings: language, drunk idiots

Word count: 4,4k

As a soon-to-be mother, Aelin was so proud of her baby girl for growing so much.

As an orthopedist, she was mourning the perfect posture she used to have.

Fenrys stopped at the kitchen’s doorstep to stare at her. “What the hell are you doing?”

“I’m trying to save my lombardic curve. Stop being weird about it.”

He shrugged and sat on the nearest couch as Aelin tried to adjust that arched back of hers. Holy rutting Mala, why did pregnancy make her go through all that?

“Is Dorian coming tonight?”

“Probably. If he feels like it.” Fenrys shrugged. “It’s not that serious.”

Aelin crossed her arms, clamping her lips together as she tried to look serious. “You’re just casually seeing each other every day?”

“Exactly.” He turned on the TV. “Just like you and Rowan are platonically living together and having a baby.”

She gaped, but still sat by his side. “Take it back!”

“Absolutely not! Do you think Rowan just…” Fenrys flailed his arms around, looking for an example. “He doesn’t goes around massaging everyone’s feet, Aelin. I’m pretty sure you’re the only person he does that for.”

She crossed her arms, chin up. “He does it for me, but not because of me. I just happen to be carrying his baby.”

“The baby is inside the belly, not the feet.”

She sighed, forcing her voice into a lower, calmer tone. “Look, you weren’t there, but he clearly wasn’t interested. He only changed because of the baby. And I’m not complaining about it, I had fun, I’m just saying that if he wanted non-platonic stuff with me, he would tell me.”

Fenrys looked her dead in the eye. “You had a boyfriend.”

“And that never stopped him from fucking me senseless. Wouldn’t stop him from seeing me outside the base if he wanted to.”

It was true, and it was also killing her. Every time Rowan ran to a store to buy something she was craving or massaged her swollen feet, Aelin had the painful reminder that, when it was just her, all she got was cock and a couch inside his office. Rowan just learned very early on that happy mom means happy baby, and she was trying to be okay with it.

They were just having casual sex at first, and now he seemed okay with keeping things platonic for their kid. There was no use in reading between the lines.

After that, Aelin decided to go find Rowan at her house. Fenrys was nice enough to be silent when Dorian was there, but his bed still got squeaky sometimes.

She hired a company to paint her house, since she couldn’t smell paint because of the baby, nor could she let Rowan paint the entire four-bedroom house the Air Force provided her. He protested her decision, but he was already doing too much for her.

Aelin had a feeling that, if she asked him to build a house from scratch for this baby, he’d do it alone without thinking twice.

She had already grown familiar with the path between her house and Rowan’s. The sound of the leaves when the wind got a little stronger never failed to soothe her, and Aelin was excited to co-parent a kid with such close proximity.

Which could be even closer, if her new idea worked out.

When Aelin stepped into her house, the first thing she noticed was the faint sound of Syd Barrett spilling his guts, and she looked for the source until she found Rowan lying on the nursery’s floor.

He didn’t seem surprised when she walked in, though. He probably listened to her footsteps all the way to the baby’s room.

“I didn’t know you were into junkies from the 60’s.”

Rowan got up to get another pillow and help ease her onto the floor. “You listen to them all the time.”

Aelin closed her eyes, feeling the muscles on her back relax now that she was lying too. “My parents were fans.”

Rowan’s hand found her scalp, and Aelin almost purred. God, she was too weak for those.

“You think about them a lot?” He asked.

“More often now that I’m pregnant. And with insomnia.”

Pregnancy just made her think of them more often now, but it wasn’t the crushing type of grief she felt during her late childhood and early teen years. It was bittersweet.

Rowan hummed, never ceasing to caress her hair. “Did you try eating an apple before bed? It helps to induce sleep.”

“No, I haven’t.” Aelin hid her face on his side, trying her best not to laugh.

Apples before bed did absolutely nothing for people with sleep disorders. Rowan didn’t know that her pregnancy was just making a deeper problem worse, though. Aelin couldn’t take any kind of sleeping pills with a baby on the way, and telling him this problem with no solution was just going to make the Buzzard worry to death.

Aelin had been off her antidepressants for almost two years, so this new development made her ghost her psychiatrist and decide to go back once she stopped breastfeeding. She had plenty of time to tell Rowan about that.

Aelin closed her eyes and grinned. “This song is so silly. I love how he laughs halfway into it.”

It was a good song, but he just repeated the name Maisie over and over most of the time.

“It isn’t silly,” Rowan protested. “He’s stoned out of his mind, and the only thing he feels like doing is repeating that girl’s name over and over. It’s kinda relatable”

“Rowan Whitethorn.” Her voice was low as she looked at him with widened, surprised eyes. “Are you coming out as a stoner?”

Chuckling, he playfully pinched her upper arm and turned sideways to face her while lying. “The name is really cute.”

“Maisie?”

“Yeah.”

She chewed her bottom lip, thinking this over. The name was adorable. “But we’re not naming our daughter after a junkie’s song, right?”

“No.” He shook his head, as if erasing the idea. “Of course not.”

They just stayed there, letting the album play as Aelin took in the baby’s room. It was so cute she felt like her chest could burst any minute.

She made Rowan and Aedion put a baby blue wallpaper, even if the Air Force’s regiment said every wall should be plain white. The furniture was in white wood, except for the little dresser in the corner.

It was wooden as well, but every drawer was a different shade of blue, getting darker at the bottom. The knobs were sea life themed, and it took Aelin a lifetime to decide which animal went with what drawer.

It was the cutest, babiest little thing. She woke Rowan up at 1 am to show this finding when she saw it online. It was her favorite part of the nursery.

Aelin felt her heart bang again when she met Rowan’s deep, inquisitive eyes.

“What’s on your mind?”

She placed her pillow closer to Rowan and hugged him. “Thank you.”

He had been pulling Aelin’s house together day and night, completely ignoring her protests about not letting her do much.

Rowan didn’t say anything, just caressed her head in that way that made her melt.

“I’ve been thinking about something,” she continued.

He hummed.

“Your house doesn’t have much of the baby vibe. With the parade of one-night stands and all.”

Rowan sighed. “I know I need to have this talk with—“

She shushed him. The house was Fenrys’ as well, and she didn’t want a surprise baby to disrupt his lifestyle.

“I thought of something. It’s not a permanent solution, but I won’t put an expiration date on it either.”

Rowan leaned closer, watching her intently.

“When I move into this house, you could come with me—“

He engulfed her in a hug, burying his face in the crook of her neck. “Yes.”

“You can pick any room you’d—“

“Yes.”

“So neither of us will be alone with a newborn—“

“Yes.”

Aelin laughed, feeling her chest tremble against his own. Alright, he didn’t need a lot of explanations. She got that.

They just stared at each other for a moment. Aelin felt her heart knock on her throat and do fuzzy little flips as she watched how Rowan’s smile made his eyes light up.

For the first time, she could put a name on the jolt of electricity he made her feel.

She was falling, and bracing herself for the bone crush.

It was funny how everyone from this soccer moms’ night out was telling her to stop being shy and sing with Lysandra. Aelin wasn’t a shy person at all, she was just someone who knew her strengths. Singing wasn’t one of them.

There was no amount of fancy drinks that could make her go up on that stage, but now that Lys made the crowd ask no nicely…

Dorian was trying to save Aedion’s love life in a bar two blocks away. If this became a huge embarrassment, she could just leave, pretend this never happened and join them there. Aelin got up and took the second mic, not missing the cheery crowd—and especially her table—stirring things up.

“What are you two singing?” The employee with the computer asked.

“Lana?” Aelin suggested, but her friend had a vacant stare on the crowd.

She poked Lys on the ribs. “What are we singing?”

“Oh.” She jerked Aelin’s way, blinking, but then her disoriented face turned into a roguish grin. “Peppers.”

Not a question, but Lys and the employee still sought Aelin’s confirmation before starting.

Aelin was just singing at first. She wasn’t stiff, but there was nothing much to her moves. However, when the pre-chorus was reaching its end, Lysandra placed one hand on hand on Aelin’s hips in an attempt to loosen it, and that’s when she understood.

Lys didn’t want to sing a song. She wanted them to give a full show. And now that Aelin understood, she wouldn’t settle for less.

She was rolling her hips, swaying her whole body and toying with her hair as the lyrics suggested. Aelin had no idea if the tables were stirring them in because they were actually good or just two excited drunks, but she was eating it up.

“Put your hands on my knees, baby!” Someone screamed, referencing the song lyric.

Aelin had a snarky remark ready, but kept to herself when she realized it came from a woman, not a creepy dude. Instead, she swayed her hips harder and went down so she could put her hands on her knees in a little provocative manner. The lesbian roared, making her cackle mid-chorus.

And you know what? Tonight was about girls. Aelin came with her soccer mom friends to talk about girl things and sip girly drinks. If she was doing sexy dances tonight, it was for the lesbians. And bisexual girls. Non-binary too—

Lys tapped her shoulder when she stopped singing, too distracted counting all the letters from the acronym to check if she wasn’t forgetting anything. Fuck. She blamed it on the tequila.

Aelin smiled at the crowd when the song ended, taking the applause and fame in. Maybe she should quit orthopedics to perform for a living. Maybe that was her true calling.

All of those thoughts came to a halt when she paused to carefully study the room, though. Her heart stopped just to go back at the highest speed.

Rowan. By the side of a hot redhead.

He was staring at her, and there was no way to decipher that intense look in his eyes. His lips were pursed, but even if Rowan looked pissed, he never took his eyes off her. Not while she was on stage, not when Lys dragged her by the arm to the ladies’ room.

The redhead was looking between them the whole time, probably figuring something out already.

Aelin didn’t do anything when she got to the bathroom, though. Just stood there, staring at a blank spot in the wall. She was so shocked she barely noticed the distinctive reek of a bar’s bathroom. Lys was watching her the whole time, forehead wrinkled and hands on her hips.

This silence was too much, especially since Lys knew most of whatever went down with Rowan.

Well, that didn’t matter now. If the last weeks gave her any doubt about how she should proceed now that they were in a better situation, this just gave her rational side more certainty. He had moved on already, and so should she.

Aelin decided to reapply her lipstick just to do something with her hands.

“I’m assuming you saw Rowan with that woman.”

Yes, and not with any woman. It was the kind of woman who made single moms question their sexuality.

“A redhead?” Aelin’s voice came out slightly high-pitched as she stopped reapplying her lipstick to protest, searching for Lys’ concerned gaze through the bathroom mirror. “I thought he liked blondes. When did blondes stop being the hottest option?”

“You’d still be hotter than her if she were blonde. Or if you were a redhead.”

“This is not about me.” Aelin closed her lipstick, rolling her eyes. “I’m talking about men’s choices in general. It’s an anthropological observation.”

Lies, lies, lies. But Aelin didn’t even tell her therapist about old feelings resurfacing, she wasn’t about to pour her heart out to her newest friend while drunk at a club. Especially not while Rowan was having a hot date.

She raised her eyebrows, looking as if she was tired of explaining something obvious. “Even though he was ogling you like a dog staring at meat through a butcher’s shop window?”

Aelin put away her lipstick and gave Lys a pointed look. “He was not.”

“I was there. I remember it all too well.”

Aelin’s eyes widened. “We could sing that.”

“We can, because you’re not crashing Rowan’s date tonight.”

Aelin was carefully silent. She’d be lying if she said that idea didn’t cross her mind.

“You’re not.” Lysandra’s tone was firm, and she placed both hands on her friend’s shoulders. “You’re going to repeat after me: I’m Aelin Galathynius.”

Aelin giggled. “You’re not Aelin Galathynius.”

Lys squeezed her friend’s shoulders harder than necessary. “Say it.”

She straightened her posture. “I’m Aelin Galathynius.”

“And I’m too mature to crash Rowan’s date.”

“And I’m too mature to crash Rowan’s date,” she lied.

“Great.” Lys took a deep breath and pointed to the door. “Let’s get back to our table.”

Aelin went from the restroom’s door straight to Rowan.

“Good to see you got out of your house for once.”

Rowan slowly assessed her outfit with that judgy gaze of his, making her skin burn. ”Good to see you singing something that isn’t a nursery rhyme.”

Aelin crossed her arms. “I thought you were seeing a guy tonight.”

Rowan mirrored her expression. “So did I.”

Wait, he thought who would be seeing a guy?

His date extended a hand. “Hi. I’m Ansel.”

She begrudgingly shook it. “Aelin.”

God, this was awkward. She should’ve listened to Lysandra and stayed at her table. But when she saw Rowan there on a date with this gorgeous homewrecker with incredibly shiny hair… Aelin felt like she was burning from the inside out, and not in a good way.

Something about her face must’ve showed, because Ansel pointed between her and Rowan and said, “This is totally platonic. Fenrys thought Rowan could have a night out, so he stayed with the kid and set this up.”

“This is…” Rowan tilted his head, frowning at the redhead. “Exactly and not exactly what happened at the same time.”

Ansel elbowed him, making him straighten his posture.

“This is exactly what happened,” Rowan amended.

“Rowan?” Ansel put a hand on his shoulder to grab his attention, and Aelin almost singed it off with her eyes. “Can we talk for a second?”

They excused themselves and got just far enough so they’d be out of earshot. It looked like they we bickering. Ansel pointed at Aelin with her head. Rowan’s body stiffened. She pointed at the door. He pulled at his shirt cuffs and nodded. Aelin would kill to hear whatever that exchange was, especially because when Rowan approached her, Ansel was… smirking? As weird at this sounds, it looked a lot like a smirk.

“Hey.” Rowan didn’t sit again, just got close enough so she’d hear him over the terrible performance of an 80’s song. “I’m going to call an uber. Can you stay here?”

Aelin felt her heart sink. “You’re leaving with her?”

“What? No!” His eyebrows shot up as if the idea was absurd. “I’m calling Ansel’s uber. I was asking if you can wait for me here. Or at the tables outside, anywhere but the club part.”

Aelin nodded, chuckling. The loud, buzzing dance floor by the entrance must’ve been a terrifying sight for Rowan.

She found the soccer moms and quickly explained she’d be with Rowan in the other room. They seemed to understand the situation, which was good. Aelin was friendly with everyone there, but the only person she was close with was Lys. That one would be blasting their DM tomorrow morning, there was no doubt.

Rowan came back just a few minutes after she found them a table at a calmer area outside.

The breeze hitting her shoulders was gentle, but still stronger than her thin, backless shirt. Still, Aelin held her head high, refusing to feel bad for crashing and ruining his date.

“How many beers did you pay her?”

Rowan leaned back on his chair, a playful glint in his eye. “Three, why?”

“You’re paying me four.” He opened his mouth, but she raised a finger and beat him to it. “No questions asked.”

Rowan chugged his beer after their first round came. “I don’t know why you’re being like this. Aren’t you dating other people too?”

“What?” Aelin slightly shook her head, mouth ajar. “Where is this coming from?”

He tilted his head. “You were very clear about wanting more kids.”

“And then you made an assumption about my dating life.”

Rowan didn’t answer, unwavering.

Aelin held a finger up. “First, I told you I haven’t figured that out yet.” Another finger up. “Second, I wasn’t in a relationship the first time, I don’t need one to have kids again.” She shrugged. “For all you know, I could be talking about adoption or fertilization.”

Rowan had his arms crossed, eyes squinted at her. “Why would you pay to have kids if we did that for free the last time?”

The mix of what he’d just said and his displeased face made her cackle. Hard. Her head was tilted back, her body trembling as she tried to regain composure and feel less breathless.

“Why is this funny?” He protested, trying and failing to hide a silly smile. “I’m just saying that if you don’t have another person you’d like to… share genes with, the reasonable thing to do would be make the other children genetically compatible with Maisie.” He sipped his beer, looking nonchalant. “In case one of them needs a kidney or a bone marrow transplant.”

“Alright.” She chugged the rest of her beer down. “Let’s suppose I decide to do that. Would you donate your sperm and sign off parental rights?”

“Absolutely not!” He blurted, clutching his beer for dear life as if it’d protect his imaginary kids from Aelin’s modern ideas. “I’d make and raise them the old-fashioned way.”

Aelin leaned towards Rowan, her pulse skyrocketing as her breath fanned against the shell of his ear. “I bet you’d love that, wouldn’t you?”

There was no mistaking the way he trembled under her whisper. Rowan found the exposed curve of her waist with his hands like a magnet, the tips of his fingers pressing against her skin.

Rowan’s pupils were dilated, his forest-green irises looked on fire. “Stop teasing me. We’re drunk.”

Aelin leaned back on her seat and sipped her drink, chest filled with satisfaction even after being rejected. It was really hard to feel defeated now, since Rowan was too intoxicated to take his eyes off her golden top.

“You were a lot more fun six years ago.”

Rowan chuckled and finished his bottle. “Next round?”

Aelin confirmed at the same time her phone started ringing.

“Dor? Is everything okay—“

“I can’t stand your cousin anymore, Aelin! I’m dumping him in the sewers!”

She chuckled, not missing Rowan’s curious gaze. “Did Aed drink too much?”

“That too! He went straight to a woman and slurred: ‘you’re the prettiest girl I’ve seen this week.’ I can’t do this, Aelin. He’s unsalvageable.”

Aelin snorted. “Alright, give me five minutes and I’ll text you.”

“Too long!”

She finished the call before Dorian could protest further. Rowan had his head tilted, waiting for an explanation.

“Dorian’s bored, so he decided to be Aedion’s wingman tonight. They’re at a bar close by, so we agreed to uber back together.”

“Uber together where? Dorian lives in the opposite side of town.”

She shrugged. “Who knows? You know how Dorian is.”

That explanation seemed enough for Rowan. It didn’t take long for them to decide it was way past their bedtime already, so they decided to head out as well.

They needed to have their wristbands scanned at the cashier near the exit, and she took a step back when Rowan mentioned for her arm as well.

Aelin shook her head. “I spent a small fortune in frilly cocktails.”

He didn’t say a thing, just gently took her wrist and showed it to the cashier.

The outside of the club looked the same it did hours ago, except the line to enter was longer, making the street too loud for it to be the middle of the night.

“Heeeey.” Aelin made a twist to look him in the eye, but stumbled on her heels. Rowan tried to catch her from falling, but she beat him to it. She was just that kind of independent drunk. “Your mom invited me to your trip with Maisie the last time she was in town.”

Rowan snorted. “Sounds like her.”

Every year, Rowan and Maisie visited the southeastern beach house his parents retired in. Inviting Aelin to her ex’s trip without letting him know was something only Rory Whitethorn could pull off. She was a… peculiar person, to say the least. Aelin loved her to death.

“What did you tell her?” He asked.

Aelin tried to look nonchalant, thankful he couldn’t tell the tingling in her limbs. “What was I supposed to tell her? I already crashed your date, I won’t crash your trip too.”

To be fair, Aelin didn’t say anything because she would not, under any circumstance, invite herself to Rowan’s trip. And by under any circumstance, she meant only if she was drunk.

He shrugged. “Maisie would love it if you went.”

She gave him a pointed look. “Of course Maisie would want me to go. I’m talking about you. Would you feel comfortable with me there?”

Rowan’s shoulders dropped, and something in his eyes melted. “Of course I would. Do you want to come with me next month?”

Aelin flipped her hair, not looking him in the eye. “Well, since you asked so nicely.”

He snorted and placed a hand on the back of her shoulder, gently stroking that patch of skin with his thumb until their uber arrived.

Rowan opened the backseat door for her, but a very drunk Aedion called his name from the inside.

She leaned closer to Rowan and whispered, “I think he wants you to go in the middle.”

He sighed, but complied.

The moment they got inside and closed the door, Aedion laid down on the backseat, resting his head on Rowan’s lap and hugging his middle. “I love you, man.”

Rowan petted his head the same way he’d do to a dog. “You’re okay.”

“Aw,” Dorian cooed from the passenger seat. “He got so happy when he saw you outside.”

“Are you staying with Aedion?” Rowan asked, since the driver was getting them farther from Dorian’s apartment each minute.

“No, I’m staying with you. You stole my boyfriend, remember?”

Rowan’s face was flat when he replied, “Thanks for letting me know.”

Grinning at the bickering, Aelin rested her head on Rowan’s shoulders and nearly purred when his hand met her scalp. He chuckled. She lightly elbowed his ribs.

“You know damn well I’m weak for those,” she mumbled, eyes blissfully closed.

“I do.”

Aelin almost fell asleep right there, all because of Rowan’s skilled hands. She would’ve, if it wasn’t for the seat bumping as the driver sped, and the annoying air freshener in the car.

When they arrived, Rowan decided to drop Aelin off while Dorian did the same to a nearly dead drunk Aedion, and they’d meet later. Or Dorian could just break into the house through Fenrys’ window like he used to, that part wasn’t clear.

“There’s this thing nagging me,” Rowan said as they walked through her front garden.

“Spill.”

“Dorian seemed to know you were with the soccer moms all the time, but Fenrys seemed so clueless about this earlier today.”

“Oh.” Aelin leaned against a pillar, scrambling for a nice way to explain this. “Dorian doesn’t tell much about me to Fenrys, since it’d be the same as telling you. I never asked him to do this, but he’s just that loyal.”

Rowan’s expression seemed downcast for a beat, then he concealed it with a grin. “Keeping secrets, Lieutenant?”

Aelin crouched to get the keys from under the front mat, trying to downplay how much that harmless question made her heart twist. Something about her demeanor must’ve given it away, since he changed the subject.

“You know it’s not safe to leave your keys there, right? Why didn’t you take them with you?”

Aelin got up again and sighed, already knowing it was too much for his male brain to understand. “My purse is small, and the keys would scratch my lipstick tube.”

Rowan shook his head, but a small smile betrayed his disapproving face. “So between your lipstick and your house keys, you’d rather keep the lipstick?”

“Absolutely. I need to keep my priorities straight.”

He chuckled, eyes soft as their corners crinkled. “Good night, Aelin.”

Rowan held her upper arm for a beat, caressing it with his thumb, and then let her go.

This chapter has a bonus scene

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happysparklingshadows · 9 months

Text

𝚃𝚊𝚒𝚜𝚜𝚊 𝚃𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚎𝚛 + 𝚈𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝙰𝚕𝚙𝚑𝚊𝚋𝚎𝚝 (’96)

Warnings: Controlling behaviors, Financial abuse, Mental illness, smut, mentions of physical pain (Not intentional and from a sleepwalking moment)

Notes: Taissa is such a mean lesbian and I feel like we as a fandom need to give her more love because who doesn’t love ‘96 Tai? Btw I love this format! @zhivaxo @g1rlsriot

*.·:·.☽✧ ✦ ✧☾.·:·.*

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

I think Taissa is a very dominant ChapStick lesbian and would like to do more masculine performances of affection. Taissa holds the door for you, protects you with her mean standoffish personality, and tries her best to provide. She grew up in a very middle-class traditional home with still-married parents and two younger siblings, and she wants to be like her mom, the more significant breadwinner in the household. She wants to become a high-paid prosecutor, and she would want you never to have to work again. She is a big BIG act of service and Verbal reassurance, so she does a lot of hard labor for you and wants to be told she is doing good by you.

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

Taissa is very conflicted about how far she will go for you and how much her ambitions get ahead of her. Like how she was with Allie’s leg, I feel like Tai has a lot of pent-up rage inside of her for some reason that even she doesn’t know why she has. It would have to be other Tai getting their hands dirty, acting out all of Taissa’s subconscious urges of bloodshed. I don’t think it would happen often, only when someone threatens her profoundly because she usually relies on her sliver tongue to get her out of things with you.

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

Taissa would never kidnap you because she doesn’t want to have the consequences or social isolation of being a creepy person. However, she would mock you when you act like you are trapped with her. Because are you serious? Are you in bondage? Are you locked in a cage like how she wants to? No? Then fucking get over it, baby.

Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

Taissa is overbearing and dominates your life in many ways. She will do things for you against your will as she files you into your license, she will let you cheat off her homework with her hovering over you to explain how to make it look like you did it all on your own, and she doesn’t let you solve any of your own problems. It’s a fucking godsend for you at the beginning of your relationship, but it becomes something of a problem when she starts fights with you and makes it about how you are being crazy. Taissa loves a good Gaslight.

“Okay, so just make a little box in the corner and start writing the radio. So, Mrs. Goldberg can’t tell you’re coping.” Taissa says to you as she sets her homework beside your empty one. There is no judgment but just serious business in ensuring you didn’t get caught.

“Thank you, baby, again. I just didn’t have time to do my homework last night because of my shift-”

“Don’t worry, pumpkin, I got you,” Taissa said as she kissed your temple, moving a hair behind your ear. She gently points to your writing and says, “Carry the two.”

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

Yes, she is very open but keeps certain things to herself. She doesn’t talk about her generational trauma with the man with no eyes, she doesn’t talk about the sleepwalking unless Tai has to or is forced by you, and she refuses to believe that the other Taissa is real. She didn’t want to accept she had problems because if Tai had any, she was fucking insane and destructive. Taissa is not doing her best and is not perfect, which fucking breaks Taissa apart inside. She doesn’t share that stuff.

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

Taissa is never wrong until proven wrong with rock-hard evidence, and she can’t believe you are fucking serious right now. She will simply double, triple, quadruple, and quintuple down because she doesn’t want to be wrong in a fight. She is the type to keep fighting even when Taissa knows she is wrong, but you don’t have enough evidence to prove her wrong, so she keeps fighting.

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

Taissa controls you, and she does so much for you that she doesn’t give a fuck if you are trying to leave her because you can’t. Try to find someone who will take care of you like her. She would use any means to keep you or manipulate you to anchor you to her. She came up in a very upper-middle-class family. If you were from a more similar to Natalie’s economic state, she would make you believe that you deserve how you are being treated because you are so lucky to be with her because of how much she can and does do for you. Like, find someone who is going to buy you a car? Who can save all the money they make at their part-time job because their parents don’t need a dime from them, and they just buy you a fucking car because they just build up money for college? Or, more significantly, she would pay rent for your parents when they can’t make up this month because money is very tight. She would never outright hold it above you, but it is implied in the fabric of the relationship. Even if you were in a better financial state than Natalie’s, Taissa would find a way for you to depend on her to provide for you.

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

Normal Taissa Never intentionally tries to hurt you physically or emotionally, but another Taissa is not ashamed to do any urge that subconsciously comes to her. Other Taissa would be physical and unwilling to listen to anything that you will say to them, which is quite terrifying, especially in the middle of the night in the wilderness.

“Tai, Wake up, Please, wake up!” You beg her as she pulls you further and further into the dark woods. She blankly walks into the woods, letting you get hit by branches of trees as she naturally seems to duck; she ultimately lets you get hit by the wood. It has almost knocked a tooth out of your mouth, your lip is busted up, and a bruise is forming on your cheek.

“Come.” She just says as she pulls you with a death grip on your wrist, not letting you go as she walks further into the woods.

“FUCKING WAKE UP!! YOU’RE HURTING ME!” you cry as you pull her arm away from yours to no avail. It’s not working. She is pulling you to the cliffside.

“He wants us here.” She stopped and stood in front of a tree. Her hands cup the sides as she starts to wake up. Taissa gasped as she felt how cold her feet were with the snow in-between her toes and her body without a coat. Her eyes are met with the same fucking symbol.

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

Traditional. Taissa wants to have kids and a dog, with a red house with a white fence. She grew up that way, and she wants to grow old that way. She doesn’t care to deconstruction the patriarchal or mystical aspects of what ordinary people see marriage as because, for Taissa, it is more of a confirmation of your championship being for life. Although controlling and manipulative, she doesn’t want you to be unhappy and try pretty hard to make you happy.

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

Taissa is very confident in herself and is not scared of anyone taking her away from her because she is very secure in herself. She doesn’t think Jealousy is very healthy and doesn’t let herself get jealous, and she does that by controlling who you hang out with and what you are doing. She trusts you and doesn’t think anyone is special enough to take her attention away from you.

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

Taissa tries her best to be good to you but isn’t the best because she is just a teenager. She treats you like her wife and doesn’t like the idea of being with another person. She loves you and only wants to be with you; she can’t imagine why you want anyone else. She treats you like you are her lover, but she doesn’t hold as much reverence as the other girls have for you.

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

Taissa took a while actually to approach you with anything other than friendship. You two were a part of the soccer team since freshmen year, but you didn’t have any classes together. You two weren’t very close, but Taissa always paused when she saw you, always having to look at your beautiful face. Once you two have classes together and have a moment to talk to each other, you two become closer until she finally asks you out. Once she is your friend, it will take her a few weeks.

Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from how they act around everyone else?

The two sides of Taissa are the most challenging thing for her to mask; her personality naturally masks many of her tendencies and darkness. The Snarky smart-ass way she held herself before the crash pushed people away enough not to see those things. But I don’t believe her showing or being more verbal about her darkness to you wouldn’t break her mask because it’s just something about being with Taissa.

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

Cold shoulder and eye rolls. Taissa thinks of herself as mature and calm but still a teenager. She doesn’t know how to talk healthily about her feelings, and she doesn’t want you to hate her, so she just becomes quiet and shows her displeasure with you at every chance she can get.

Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?

A lot of them. She would make things very strict in your relationship, and she makes sure that you follow each one or else you will be at the end of hours of lectures from her. Or worse, you will start a fight and have a bad tonight. She gives you a schedule, rules like which hallway or jobs in the group you can do, and Tai doesn’t let you do your own things.

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

Taissa doesn’t have much patience for anything and uses that impatience to work towards her ambitions. She was raised in a home that only praised her or gave her the spotlight of attention when she was going her best and excelling. She was on top of everything for some reason, and it wasn’t because she was patient. It was because she puts so many fingers in many pies and quits when it gets too annoying and lengthy.

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

Taissa would literally stop. Taissa would just disappear, and other Taissa would keep her going. My headcannon is that other Taissa is a splitting of Taissa’s psyche that does the things that normal Taissa doesn’t want to do. Like is closer to the spiritual, does the hunt, and eats the meat. So I believe that if you died in the wilderness, Taissa would “move on” by her brain, not letting her feel it until she returned home. I feel like Taissa would never remarry or find a new partner because you were her wife after the events of the wilderness.

Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

Fuck no. Taissa isn’t being as bad as she could be and doesn’t think she is being that bad. She doesn’t understand why you think you are “trapped”; the door is right there. But you both know you can’t because of more than just not wanting to be with her anymore; you no longer have the resources you have because of her, and it would ruin your life.

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

She got this way because of her neuroses and upbringing. Taissa grew up with very healthy parents to each other but was controlling her every move, and she learned that her parents' hovering and expectations were love and care. She was given a tight school schedule, clubs, tutoring, piano lessons, and French lessons, and she was expected to be the perfect daughter. And Taissa fucking crushed it because of that pressure; her mother once said something about it, making Taissa a Diamond. She is a tough, sharp, and beautiful person because of all of her weight since she was young. Tai’s mother didn’t see an issue with parenting style because, after all, her grandmother did that to her mother, and she is a successful doctor, now Chief of Staff. So, to Taissa, being possessive, strict, and controlling is all an act of love.

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

She is annoyed normally because she doesn’t know how to fix it. When it’s a moment of mutual sadness and vulnerability, she has no problem. It’s healing to cry together, but she is usually really not great with tears.

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic Yandere?

Taissa is not verbal about her dark tendencies, which are very much kept to her chest. Because you are the same age as her, 18 years old, you just think these strict rules you both follow are because it’s how serious relationships work. I don’t think you would ever have the vocabulary to put together that she is a Yandere unless someone told you that those things are bad (bc it’s 1996 girl. These girls didn’t know what seasonal depression was)

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit to escape?

Her ego and pride. Stroke either, and be kind to her; you can do anything. She doesn’t mind too much and allows you to do your own thing on your schedule, so you have plenty of opportunities to leave her.

You moan as Taissa kisses down your stomach, and her fingers plunge in and out of you. Your legs are open and wide just for her to have all of you. You were wet because of her. Taissa smiles as she starts to lick down on your clit.

“Fuck! Tai-” You pant as you try to stay quiet for the girls downstairs, “Yeah, just like that. You’re so good at eating pussy.”

Taissa feels a surge inside her as she moves her tongue faster. She loved the praise and just wanted you to be pleased with her. She loved how you tasted and how you felt against her tongue. Your hands come to her hair, and you move them to her shoulders to not mess with her hair, and you claw your fingers into her shoulder. “Yes, ah~.”

Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

Never intentionally; it doesn’t hurt you terribly when other Taissa doesn’t get physical. I see the other Tai grabbing and dragging you in the wilderness and letting you get hit by branches of trees, and she would drag you to where she could feel it.

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

Tai is like Van in that she reveres you as an angel figure. You are simply better than everyone else, and so is she. She thinks you are too good for this world and doesn’t like it when people try to silence your personality shine, and she doesn’t hold back from confronting anyone if they do that to you.

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

She just didn’t get close to you for a while until you were meant to meet. It didn’t take her long to go for you when she knew you and became friends with you, and I would say she would take maybe a week of friendship to be like, “Okay, this is not just friendship.”

Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

In the sense of independence of yourself, yes. But your will and your opinions, never that.

Yandere Level

7/10 (She is Controlling and very Territorial over you. She is good to you and loves you openly. But she does have problems that people outside of the relationship would notice.)

Freedom Level

6/10 (You are not very free with your schedule and what you can do with your free will, but she doesn’t stop you from having your own opinions and hobbies. She doesn’t take your personhood away from you.)

Vanessa ✿ Shauna

#Taissa turner #taissa turner x reader #yellowjackets #yellowjackets taissa turner #yellowjeckets taissa #yellowjackets x reader #Dark! Yellowjackets #dark!taissa turner #dark!au

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anonymoushouseplantfan · 1 year

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Long time lurker here who finally took the plunge and watched/skimmed through their ‘historical’ doc. For what it's worth, here's my amateur psychoanalysis of it:

They both suffer from substantial minority complexes: Him for not being his brother (who’s more good looking, smarter and is to be king). She for being a child of a broken home and divorced parents with sometimes dubious backgrounds. She seems to always have wanted to be her own version of Gwyneth Paltrow, in all ways.

She seems to suffer from some sort of magical thinking, where her life necessarily must feel like a Hollywood film. I think her main sources of inspiration are Notting Hill, Four Weddings and a Funeral, You’e got Mail, When Harry met Sally, etc. The song choices, the wedding speech, poems etc. give it away. Reality probably became too painful for her at some point as a child, so she started inventing a magical version of it that she’s trying to recreate. Becoming rich and famous is prob her way of proving to anyone who made her feel inferior as a child that she is worthy, even superior. She needs people to think she lives in some sort of ideal Pinterest version of California where she’s a modern Gwyneth Paltrow, royal to boot. It’s all wide brimmed Cali-hats, barefoot Joni Mitchell running, hop-in-the-car for a secret beach swim with your lover, topped off with avocados kind of vibes. Not a care in the world, happy happy happy. It’s all very nineties, but it makes sense considering when she grew up. She’s enacting the dream of the hurt child of a divorce, and he’s paying for it.

Of course she hates Kate. She represents everything Meghan wanted to be growing up: from a loving core family, financially comfortable, tall and slim (I bet that’s a thing), polite, educated, artsy, knows how to carry herself, etc. Kate not playing into Meghan’s hugging and ‘American’ ways was probably too much of a painful rejection for Meghan, a reminder that she’s really a fairly clumsy person with poor manners from a broken family (my guess is this is what she actually feels like inside, even if it’s subconscious). You can see it in the way she looks at Kate that she triggers some deep sense of inferiority, and so her solution is to be a b****, because she was never taught that jealousy usually says more about yourself than it does about the other person.

Her mom doesn’t feel genuine, not a lot of kindness shines through there. It’s interesting how close she seems to have gotten to her daughter once Harry’s credit cards were in the picture. Harsh, I know, but the whole thing feels off.

I somehow think the truest thing they have in common is that they’re both products of divorced parents, with dads who have felt a lot of subsequent guilt, trying to compensate for their failings by not calling out bad behaviour, and not making them take responsibility for anything growing up. The result is two overgrown teenagers with no sense of responsibility, no self deprecation, and zero self awareness. Heading for disaster methinks.

Everyone is taking advantage of his status and money, and he doesn’t see it. Very sad.

He seems happiest when he's smoking weed.

She shape shifts constantly; in their ‘candid’ moments (who knows what is actually real, it’s all filmed), she’s the uber feminine, helpless, sweet girl that Harry gets to save, who makes him feel smart. When she’s being interviewed independently, or sitting at a UN conference table, her voice deepens and she shows up as someone completely different, the ‘smart one’. There are numerous examples of her shape shifting throughout the years; it's been there from the beginning.

I actually find Harry and her dad quite similar - both bratty ***holes.

Sorry for the lengthiness, and thanks for a great blog! You've provided sanity with your great analysis of this whole drama throughout the years - thank you :)

Thanks for sending this in!

I agree with the inferiority complex, and I think they both compensated for that by creating these over-the-top personas based on their paid press. The trigger for Harry's new persona was his time in Afghanistan and the trigger for Meghan's new persona was getting her suits role.

They both suffer from magical thinking. Thanks for focusing on Meg's magical realism, instead of Harry's. I found the bus tour of Hollywood boring when I saw the documentary and I wondered why they bothered to put it in, but I think you're right and it's all about her magical transformation. I noted the romcom element as well and one thing I found interesting is that the first three episodes of the documentary resemble regular royal documentaries with stock music, but then the last three incorporate romcom music. It's a big shift in tone, and it also happens in the book. The first few chapters are royal biography (albeit kind of weird) and then it's all rom com with a big dash of spite.

I had not considered this aspect of the Kate rivalry, and I'm going to have to think about this. I think you're right, but it goes a bit deeper. I think Kate was supposed to become part of "the family she never had." She was supposed to be the loving sister Sam was not. That's how the magical thinking worked. That's why there is so much bitterness towards Kate. Notice that Charles actually stepped into the dad role Meghan expected him to play, but Will and Kate were not willing to play the part of loving brother and sister. That's why there is so much anger there.

There's something off about Doria, but she's smart enough to stay on the sidelines.

Divorce is a big factor, I agree.

He doesn't see it at all, which is odd because we all thought both he and Will had a good radar for users. It almost seems like he's used to lower-level users, and he doesn't realize how things work at this level of money where people are willing to give you one of their empty homes until they figure out how they can monetize you.

Drugs are a huge factor. I didn't understand how dependent he was on them until I read his book.

Everyone seems to experience a different Meghan, and many people (Naniki, Nina, staff) have said she starts out charming and then she turns on you and becomes a different person. It's going to be interesting to see how she turns on Harry.

They say you end up marrying your dad, and Meghan seems to be proving that. She turned a prince into Thomas Markle.

Thanks for the kind words. It has been a wild ride, hasn't it.

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synthetickitsune · 1 year

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you write a lot for soohyuk, i was wondering if you’d consider writing for park joongil? his mom was awful in that past life and i can imagine her wanting to marry him off again and that relationship with his second wife would be so painful and sad and your guidelines say you are open to writing angst so if you do consider this thank you very much!

Anon I love you for this idea?? I wish my writing skills were better to do it justice but this concept is the perfect angst material?

Park Joonggil (Tomorrow) | Married again angst | 0.7k TW: mentions of suicide

Watching your husband, separated only by a few steps as the cold air makes its way inside the house through the open door, there’s a tight feeling crushing your chest.

Standing right under the edge of the roof, only a breath away from the falling rain, Joonggil’s just a husk of his past self. You’ve heard about the fate of his late wife - who hasn’t. So many see it as the best thing that could happen, his own mother included. You’ve always wondered if they’re all blind. Because as tragic as death inevitably is, the loss of life before one passes is all the more painful.

Blind but not stupid, nobody expected your marriage to be easy. On the contrary, however, it’s been smooth sailing so far. Perhaps you’re sharing the last speck of fortune that you were given.

Anyway, the marriage works well. You were never suited to be a wife, to carry and care for a child, the household, and so when Joonggil approached you on your wedding night and as respectfully as he could expressed that he won’t be able to give you a child, nor the love you’re worthy of, it came as a bittersweet relief.

You care for each other, sure, but that’s about the extent of it. You’d be lying if you said you haven’t developed any feelings at all for the man. They’re a luxury you can’t afford, a guilty pleasure to indulge in whenever Joonggil brings you a gift from the travels duty sends him on. When he hands the objects to you, the smile never reaches his eyes. You’ve wondered more times than you can count whether there was ever an unspoken this made me think of you behind the gesture, or if they are just to keep appearances.

You’re not naive enough to hope.

A part of you, one set on hurting you, wishes you could’ve met his previous wife. Joonggil never speaks of her, which is understandable, and you don’t push him, you don’t ask. Nonetheless, you’re curious. How unique that person must’ve been to capture Joonggil’s heart so? How wonderful she must've been that her death left behind a hollow shell of a man? You've only stopped doubting love is real after you've witnessed his devotion. How painful it is that you're not the object of it.

Sometimes you believe he wishes he'd have died with her. Other times you wonder whether, maybe, if you died people would believe him cursed and finally let him be alone and mourn the loss of the love of his life as he wishes. Even if that was the case, however, you could never take your life. You know that his mother would only push for another wedding. And more importantly, you could never do that to him.

He still gets woken up by nightmares. Even tonight.

You know he can feel your eyes on him and so you get up. He's not stupid. You know he knows. But you have to keep up the charade. You're careful not to dirty your clothes as you step outside.

"y/n, go back to bed. The night is cold," he speaks without turning towards you.

Your name. Not wife like he used to call her - an information bestowed upon you by his mother. Apparently all that she does and says has to have a victim. Something to torment.

"Come back inside, Joonggil," you ignore his advice, "You're leaving tomorrow and you need strength."

He sighs.

"I'll be just a minute," he finally looks at you, giving you a slow nod. You return it, and just like that, you do as he’s told you.

Polite, short conversations, the usual. Come morning, he'll be gone before you can wake up. It hurts. Night seems to be the only time you can talk freely, without curious eyes and ears spying you. The rejection stings more for that.

Maybe it's for the best that he's leaving.

You’ll dutifully play the role of a wife missing her husband and you’ll play it well. It's the only role you play without pretending.

#tomorrow #mbc tomorrow #park joong gil #lee soohyuk #lee soohyuk scenarios #lee soohyuk imagines #lee soohyuk x reader #drabble #angst #requested

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retnym · 11 months

Text

WORLD TOUR- .11

“Well, you shouldn’t lie to the man.”

“Fuck you, Jace. Fuck you I can’t... I can’t even believe I- I trusted you!” I scream in his face, on the verge of hyperventilating, holding my chest as my now ex-boyfriend stood before me.

I found out he had a business trip that was close to my area for my next show from his mom. After she had gotten out of the hospital she found out I was paying for certain things. Wanting to repay me we’ve been talking. Obviously, I don’t want anything back but she had let me know about Jace being nearby so I of course went to surprise him.

Little did I know it wasn’t a business trip.

He was with a woman. A woman who I knew. It was Tom’s ex-girlfriend.

“Listen to me, [Name]! For a second!” He shouts back, pointing a finger that almost hit my chest but I backed away. I wasn’t going to cry not in front of him and not in front of that woman. She knew Jace was mine. Tom dated her for 3 months it was nothing serious. This was to get my attention and I knew it.

“Go ahead, tell me how you just so happened to accidentally meet her here and accidentally get a room together.” I cross my arms, waiting for him to carry on with his lie.

“I felt like you weren’t going to take us seriously.” He starts and I take a deep breath trying not to laugh, shaking my head. “You know what? Shut the fuck up. You just lost a woman out of your fucking league bitch. Just wait until you see me on billboards for the rest of your life knowing you fucked it all up.” I pick up my jacket and walk out of the hotel room, slamming the door behind me.

That was over two hours and I was now currently driving back to my hotel with everyone else. My phone was repeatedly being blown up but I could care less. It was Jace and once I get back I’m deleting him from my phone. Calling his mom and letting her know she raised one hell of a son.

My phone rings once more and as I went to press decline I see it’s from Bill. Instead of ignoring it, I decided to answer it. “Hello?” My voice was raspy after going from screaming to not talking at all for two hours. “Oh, you got that sexy voice. How was the reunion?” I smile at his cheerfulness, unfortunately having to shut it down so quickly. “We broke up.” I laughed quietly, mainly to myself. It’s not funny… but it is.

“What!?” He shouts into the phone and due to how loud it was I wince in pain and take the device from my ear for a split second.

“He was cheating, and fucking guess with who!” I laugh even louder, now taking this less and less seriously. “Who?” He joins me but only because I can’t stop and laughter is contagious. “Nora-Lynn bro! Nora fucking Lynn!” I wanted to fucking pull over from how much I was laughing, I felt like I was going crazy but I couldn’t do it now. I’m five minutes from the hotel.

“No fucking way.” Bill gasps. “I’m so sorry, [Name].” He sighs but I shrug even though he can’t see it. “It’s cool, don’t worry. I might fuck your brother in rebellion and send it to them in a message though.” I grin to myself but in reality, I couldn’t believe I said that. It’s definitely not true.

As much as we all want it to happen.

I mean what?

Who said that?

“I mean if you think that’s best.” He jokes, at least I think he’s joking. “Alright, I’m pulling into the parking lot. I’ll see you in a sec.” I tell him.

“Ah, I and everyone else are at a bar twenty minutes away. The only one there is Tom so if you want to do what you said I mean the world is your oyster, babe.” He laughs out loud. “I love you, buh bye!” He yells and it now sounds like he went inside that bar.

“I love you too, Billy!” I smile to myself as he hung up in the middle of me yelling back but it’s alright. He deserves to have fun too.

I parked my car next to Johanna’s I was even lucky it was still open from when I left. I let out a long breath, I was surprised I haven’t shed a tear over him. I guess I wasn’t really connected to the relationship like I thought I was.

Grabbing my things I made my way in and around the building to my room. This one was a suite so we were all together this time.

It was an actual key too and I seemed to be struggling to get it open for some reason. Getting annoyed I called Tom. After three rings he answered. “Yes?”

“Open the door please,” I grunt, dropping the heavy ass bag I had on my arm. “Coming.” That is all he said as he hung up. He sounded like he had just woken up. Or he was just laying down. The door roughly opens and I jump back from the noise of it.

“I thought you were with Jace?” He scrunches his face confused. He wasn’t wearing a shirt and it looked like he threw on pants. His hair was thrown into a weird loose bun. Biting my lip for a split second I drop everything in my hands and as he went to say something I pulled him into me and I kissed him.

It took him a minute but his arms went around me. A hand on the nape of my neck and the other on the crevice of my back. Pulling me closer.

After a few seconds, we pushed back at the same time. Our eyes met, both dark and he bends down, grabbing my things and then pushing me inside without any words. Placing my things down in the silence he takes my wrist to pull me against him once again, grabbing my face as we kiss again.

He licks my bottom lip and not even a moment later our tongues were fighting against each other like we did for three years.

The anger of it all, the sadness, the loneliness.

The feeling of his piercing went with everything else. Feeling like it could pierce me as well and I wouldn’t even mind it if it meant we would do this forever. I knew it wasn’t going to, I knew it would end but that didn’t mean I wanted it to.

We stood in one room for maybe thirty minutes, our feet never moving but our lips couldn’t say the same.

What ruined it was the repetitive noise of my phone vibrating against the table. Tom groaned, not even looking at who it was he knew. He answered it. “She’s fucking busy you lame ass.” He held me with one hand, my chest still moving with his. “Excuse me?” Jace’s voice was heard from the other line.

“You heard me. Now leave her alone so I can fucking bone her. You can hear about it on MTV later don't worry.” He ends the line and puts the phone down looking back down at me and I grin. "That was a little mean.” I chuckle and he raises his brows. “You think so?”

“Well, you shouldn’t lie to the man.” I wink, going to step away but he only squeezes me tighter. “Who said I was?” He plays with his lip piercing.

“Oh really?” I laugh, biting my lip as I stared at his face. He leaned against the wall still holding me close to his body. “What are you thinking about?” He mutters, his voice quiet enough for only me to hear in this whole room even though there was no one to eavesdrop anyway. “If I really want to go through with this again,” I whisper.

“We got all tour together. How about we see where it lands.” He leans down to peck my lips. “No sex.” I straight face him, watching his reaction. He didn’t even seem upset about it.

“I could live with that.”

“Even though you were just about to “bone” me?” I tease him. “Hey, you were giving me that kind of energy.” He jokes back.

“We have a lot to talk about if this is happening, Tom Kaulitz. And we’re not telling the others. Yet.” I point a finger in his face, and his hands go up.

“Sounds okay to me.”

Um okay. Gonna be honest I got writers block lmao. I was having fun with no work and just ended up doing nothing, my bad. Also, the fandom is lowkey weird now. Idk how to explain it. I still like my story and will continue it. I'm gonna be on vacation for two weeks too so I might write more who knows.

#bill kaulitz #georg listing #gustav schäfer #tokio hotel #tom kaulitz #x reader

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