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#the handwritten bubbles
fobnsfwdoodles · 9 months
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MMMM YUMMMY love ur somnophilia stuff
Thank you 🥺👉👈 you're gonna love the update it just got then!!!
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mirrorthoughts · 9 months
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I just looked into my very, very old written stuff (from 2003, to be exact. So. 20 yrs ago, when I started writing fanfic)
And let me tell you...
It was bad 😂😂😂
Not... bad bad, but bad 😂😂😂
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malusokay · 1 month
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little things to feel softer
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Being kind to mean people
Teas with honey and sleeping early
A fun collection of cute mugs from little antique stores
Pearls and dainty jewellery
Buying flowers for yourself or a loved one, not just on special occasions.
being kind just because you want to, with no hidden motives, just genuine kindness
Reading and writing poetry
Self-care nights and long bubble baths
Going to the farmer's market to buy fresh fruits
No phone in the morning
Paying attention to the little things: changing seasons, moon phases, blooming flowers, etc...
Calm hobbies like painting, knitting, reading, baking
Matcha and tea over coffee
Being kind to stray animals and befriending them
Sending handwritten letters to your friends
Try cooking from scratch, make some jam, maybe attempt a sourdough... (nara smith my queen)
Flower prints and sundresses
Lacy tops and light colours
Taking time to appreciate art, listen to music, visit museums and art exhibitions, go to concerts, the theatre, cinema, etc..
Wearing only natural fabrics
Vanilla scented EVERYTHING
not sure how I feel about the title, but this all leans into the "softer/calmer life" thing; you guys get me lol. <3
As always, please feel free to share your own suggestions and tips in the comments!! ♡
love ya ・:*₊‧౨ৎ
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laboratoryrats · 4 months
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Note to Self - Speaking without Words with Word Balloons
Word gallons are for more than just words. They can be used to emphasis and even add emotions and to a scene
Feeling dizzy? About to pass out?
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A lilting playful swirl (Time and Time Again by Deo I)
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The white and black of the text has been replaced with a sinister black and the words are off tilter (Sword Interval by Benjamin Fleuter)
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The voice is coming from a place deeper and more unsettling and the text is uneven and handwritten
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A dismissive comment literally (metaphorically) stabs someone (Marionetta by Míriam Bonastre Tur)
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Being interrupted before finishing what is being said
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A withering and icy reply (The Secrets of Soulford by the Quincil)
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Wobbly uncertain bubbles that even break apart in some parts from dizziness (The Blind Prince by cozycroww)
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Pain almost appears to be breaking the usually round bubble into uneven and broken balloons. The little smaller balloons around it are reminiscent of sweat or tears (Heir’s Game by suspu)
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amu-says-hav-says · 10 months
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I can’t believe I went through all of Season 2 assuming Nina was the stand-in for Crowley when you actually pay attention it’s so CLEAR that she’s Aziraphale. I was tricked by her spiky, sarcastic, cynical outer shell and lulled into a false sense of security by Maggie’s bubbly optimism and wholesome goodness, because on the surface they reflect the ineffable husbands perfectly, in their personalities, their aesthetics, even many of their actions and morals. but not, and this is the real key, when it comes to their “relationship”. but those first impressions really had me damn fooled. 
I missed the blatantness of Nina’s “we’re just friends. actually we’re not friends. we barely know each other.” the same thing Aziraphale said in season 1.  the way he still struggles to quantify their friendship when Nina asks. Nina’s sarcasm when Crowley asks about rain and awnings because it worked for him (we all know it LMAO). hell, that whole convo the girls have in the rain is so AziraCrow (“I know. I’m not your type” “...You have no idea” hits so much harder the second time, help meeeee.) “Lindsay” maybe being symbolic of Heaven and Aziraphale’s toxic relationship with them and their abuse? (the handwritten text messages in red pen make me think of angry notes on paperwork, anyone else?) because Crowley has never actually cared about what Hell thinks of him, just not getting into trouble (or him or Aziraphale getting hurt). Maggie is always chasing Nina. NINA NEVER GOES IN THE RECORD STORE. Just like Crowley always goes to the bookstore, to Aziraphale, Zira NEVER WENT TO THE FLAT (apart from The Swap but that doesn’t count imo). Crowley has always chased Zira, not the other way around. Always there to rescue him, always going to him for company, always relying on their shared connection, always US. OUR SIDE. All through season one, he comes to Zira every time to work together, never trying to work alongside Hell in any way that isn’t to save their skins or Earth, while Zira hides things from Crowley because he STILL thinks Heaven is ultimately good and will do the right thing if he can just show them. fix it from the inside. 
Maggie working up the courage to finally say something, to put herself out there, while Nina is utterly oblivious and then when she does realise Maggie has feelings, becoming standoffish, putting up that barrier, fighting it, denying it, ITS SO CROWLEY AND AZIRAPHALE IN THAT ORDER. the way I was fooled into thinking Nina’s trust issues are Crowley because he does have trust issues ofc he does BUT Crowley has ALWAYS TRUSTED AZIRAPHALE. has always relied on him. has always been hurt when Aziraphale doesn’t immediately reciprocate the way he expects (the holy water request, the bandstand, the “off in the stars” etc). he’s always the one putting himself forward. Aziraphale has always been the one to second guess everything, to fight their connection, their similarities, their friendship. the girls really made me think it was going to be okay when they sat Crowley down, even as my inner sirens were going haywire about Metatron interfering, they were telling Crowley he just needs to open up and it’ll all work out BUT HE’S ALREADY AT THAT POINT. he may not say it, and by gosh is that part of their damn problem, but he’s always SHOWN IT. he’s not Nina who needs time to heal and recover from her broken trust, he’s always been Maggie believing it doesn’t matter, they’ll end up together in the end anyway AND I WALKED RIGHT INTO THE TRAP THAT THIS MEANT THEY WERE GOING TO BE OKAYYYYYYYYYYY
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orangerainforest · 2 years
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000-pawz · 12 days
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princess treatment (bnd) ˚ · .
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ot6 headcanons , fluff , just bonedo treating u like the princess u r!!! (gn reader)
rest of the members under the cut!
a/n: 2am brainrot takeover hi
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sungho ˚ ⋆。˚
𐙚₊˚ always pulls you into his lap whenever possible!!! loves having you close to him and it gives him an excuse to be a little possessive for a bit...><
𐙚₊˚ gives you random gifts and flowers just because he the smile you give him every time (and the thank you kisses too)!!! you'll wake up to a text from him saying "check your mailbox <3" and boom, there's a brand new necklace in there, all shiny and pretty...(he also asks you to wait to put it on so he can do it himself)
𐙚₊˚ puts on your socks and shoes for you!!! pecks your leg after pulling your socks up because duh.... you are royalty!!! even stops in the middle of the sidewalk to tie your shoes if your laces come undone
𐙚₊˚ cooks for you all the time!!! if you even slightly mention craving something, he's in that kitchen before you can even blink >< he lets you sit on the counter and feeds you little bites to taste test because you're his mini chef!!!
˚ ⋆。˚ riwoo
𐙚₊˚ if you order something and you don't like it, he'll happily trade his food with you <333 he's content just seeing you eating well
𐙚₊˚ sings you to sleep and strokes your hair...and if you've been struggling with sleeping lately, he'll stay up with you until you fall asleep first so you don't get lonely :<
𐙚₊˚ if he sees something that reminds him of you at the store, trust that he'll be buying it in .3 seconds..."oh y/n would like this", "this is y/n's favorite color", "they were thinking about getting one of these"... like he's always thinking of you
𐙚₊˚ "i don't ever want you to be upset, darling. let's talk about this, okay?" like he's so serious about communication. he values your point of view and input over anything and makes sure you always feel seen and heard!!!
jaehyun ˚ ⋆。˚
𐙚₊˚ opens every single door for you because why would his s/o ever have to touch a dirty door handle when he's literally right there???
𐙚₊˚ writes you lengthy handwritten notes and poems...sneaks them in your bag when you aren't looking or leaves them on your side table to wake up to <3
𐙚₊˚ surprises you with a bubble bath and tea when you get home from a stressful day...gives you a massage after and encourages you to vent to him so he can hold some of your burdens for you :((
𐙚₊˚ brags about you!!! he loves sharing your achievements with people, showing you off to everyone he knows because he's so proud of you and so so so lucky that you chose him <3
˚ ⋆。˚ taesan
𐙚₊˚ your personal photographer!!! takes pics of you all the time, whether you ask him to or not (he prides himself in getting the perfect candids for your feed)
𐙚₊˚ notices the super small things... like oh you don't like tomatoes in your food so he picks them all out for you <3 and he knows you always carry chapstick in your bag, so he buys you a bunch so you never run out
𐙚₊˚ buys you so... many... clothes... you're sure more than half of your wardrobe is made up of taesan's contributions... it's not his fault you look good in everything!!! he just has to get everything for you so he can see you in it himself <3 (and mayyyybe show you off to everyone else)
𐙚₊˚ makes you personalized mixtapes and writes love songs about you!!! (for your ears only!!)
leehan ˚ ⋆。˚
𐙚₊˚ "hey beautiful", "you're so gorgeous", "my pretty baby" and any other sappy compliment he can give you at every waking hour of the day
𐙚₊˚ chivalry is not dead for as long as leehan is around!!! he'll give you his coat if you're cold, walks on the outside of the curb to keep you safe, carries your purse/bag for you, pays for all your dates (even if you insist on splitting the bill), etc.
𐙚₊˚ he does all of the planning for trips and he's so intentional and thoughtful about everything so you never have anything to worry about other than being pretty and enjoying yourself <3
𐙚₊˚ loves giving you his clothes to wear like nothing makes him happier than seeing you in his big hoodies and t-shirts!!! he'll even take his hat off and place it on your head simply because "you look cuter with it" like he's so obsessed
˚ ⋆。˚ woonhak
𐙚₊˚ #1 hype man!!! even if you aren't feeling too confident, he'll be showering you in compliments and praise because you're always beautiful to him, no matter what
𐙚₊˚ leaves you a bunch of texts throughout the day just to check in on you, sends you silly selfies, makes sure you've eaten, and if he asks you to recap your day to him, you better type 4 whole paragraphs about every single detail or he won't accept it ><
𐙚₊˚ posts you every. single. day. like it's actually crazy... you'll click on his Instagram story and boom, there's a cute picture of you picking flowers at the park with the caption 'they're the prettiest flower in the world' and it's so so so cheesy but it makes your heart flutter every single time
𐙚₊˚ shares your hobbies!!! if you're into crocheting, he will sit there for 3 hours making a blanket with you...or if you like to do makeup, he'll let you practice on him!!!
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reblogs are greatly appreciated! thank u...<3
masterlist
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lvnleah · 26 days
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Valentine’s Day | Beth Mead
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This was a request but I cannot find it to save my life 🥲 anyways, in honour of Beth’s birthday enjoy this cute one-shot!
Summary: it’s valentine day and your wife, Beth, surprises you throughout the day and makes you feel like the luckiest girl ever.
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You stirred as you felt soft kisses being placed on your skin. You opened your eyes to see your girlfriend, Beth, hovering over you. Her lips brushed against your skin, leaving a trail of delicate kisses along your jawline. The softness of her touch sent shivers down your spine, and you couldn’t help but smile.
“Good morning,” she whispered, her voice a gentle whisper. “Happy Valentine’s Day, darling!”
You reached up to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “Happy Valentine’s Day,” you replied, leaning up to peck her lips.
It was Valentine’s Day, the four one together for you and Beth and the first one married. Beth reached over and grabbed a tray from her bedside table before handing it to you. As you sat up, Beth placed the tray in front of you. On it were four heart-shaped donuts and two glasses of orange juice as well as a card and a small box.
You laughed, “This is the best breakfast ever! Thank you, babe.” You picked the card up and undone it. You took the card out gently and as you opened it a handwritten note fell onto your lap.
“This is for me?” Beth nodded, answering your question, “Oh Beth, this is so sweet.”
Beth's soft laughter filled the air, you couldn't tear your gaze away from her. The handwritten note laid cradled in your hands, its words etching themselves into your heart.
"Read it aloud," Beth urged, her fingers tracing patterns on your leg above the duvet. "I want to hear it."
You cleared your throat, your voice trembling with emotion. "To my darling wife," you began, glancing up at Beth. "Happy Valentine's Day! Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve you, to deserve the love that you give me."
Beth's smile widened, “Go on."
"I didn't realise I could feel this much love for someone until I met you," you continued, your voice soft. "There aren't enough words in the universe to express how much you mean to me. You make me smile every day, no matter how difficult or tough things get."
Beth's fingers brushed against your cheek, wiping away a stray tear. "Keep going," she whispered.
"You're my everything," you read, your voice catching. "My best friend, my lover, my partner in crime, my soulmate, and the mother to our future children." You glanced at the small box on the tray, wondering what it held. "I can't imagine life without you, and I never want to. You're my whole world and always will be."
Beth's eyes welled with tears. "And the last part?"
Taking a deep breath, you continued, "You're the most beautiful girl in the world. I love you, and forever will."
Beth's eyes never wavered from yours. She reached for the small box, her fingers trembling slightly. "Open it," she whispered.
Inside was a delicate silver necklace—a heart-shaped pendant with a tiny diamond nestled in the centre. It caught the morning light, sending rainbows across the walls. You touched the pendant, your heart swelling with love.
"It's beautiful," you said, your voice barely audible.
Beth leaned in, her lips brushing against yours. "It’s just a little something, instantly thought of you when I saw it in the shop with Jen and Steph.”
You kissed her, taking in the sweetness of the moment before pulling back and reaching down to your own draw and getting your gift for Beth.
“Don’t know how I’m going to upstage that.” you laughed, handing the grey box to Beth.
Nerves bubbled up inside you as you watched Beth take the grey box that was wrapped with a pink bow. You wanted your gift to be perfect and now that she’d given you yours, you didn’t know if your gift could be as beautiful as hers.
She untied the bow, her fingers unwrapping the silk material. Inside was a delicate silver bracelet. Two tiny hearts linked together were engraved on the front whilst your name was engraved inside the bracelet.
Beth’s breath caught as she lifted the bracelet. She turned it in her hands, the silver catching the light. “It’s beautiful,” she whispered.
“Do you like it?” You asked, anxious about her answer, “I know there’s no sappy love note but—”
Before you could continue, Beth interrupted you, “Darling, this is perfect, I love it. Thank you.” She sealed her sentence with another kiss on your lips.
The pair of you ate your donuts in bed together before getting ready for work. Beth had training and you were a primary school teacher. You weren’t full time, you and another teacher shared a class and today was one of those days where you taught for just the afternoon.
You would’ve loved to spend your day with Beth but work needed you and you loved your year one class. You had many activities planned out for them, something that you were excited for and could take your mind off not spending the day with Beth.
Later that day, you were clearing up your classroom. It had been a messy day so things were everywhere and you felt bad for the cleaners. With the kids gone, you took this as your chance to tidy.
Your classroom door sounded open, you were greeted with your wife. Beth was standing in your classroom, holding a bouquet of pink tulips which were your favourite flowers. The silver bracelet you’d given her earlier shined her wrist, the delicate hearts catching the light.
“Beth!” You smiled as she held the bouquet of tulips out to you, “These are stunning!”
You closed the distance between you, wrapping your arms around her and placing a kiss on her lips. The scent of tulips enveloped you, and you buried your face in her hair. “I missed you,” you murmured against her lips. “What brings you here?”
Beth pulled back, “Just wanted to surprise my favourite teacher,” she teased. “And maybe steal a kiss or two.”
You chuckled, feeling the weight of the afternoon lift from your shoulders. “Well, you’ve succeeded on both counts.”
She looked around your classroom, “Looks like you gave them a fun afternoon then?”
You glanced around your room, taking in the sight around you. Colouring sheets were scattered across the tables, pencils were laying on the floor and paints from earlier were dotted around the room. You never knew five and six year olds could make this much mess.
You winced a little, “Yeah they definitely had fun, I did too, but not looking at my classroom I’m regretting my decisions.” You joked.
“How about I help you clean it up so we can head home?” Beth offered, placing a comforting hand on the small of your back.
You nodded, “that would be perfect if you didn’t mind.”
“Of course not, darling.” She placed a kiss on your temple, “team work makes dream work!”
Together, you tidied up. The tulips sat on your desk along with your other things. Beth took on the job of cleaning the pains up whilst you organised the children’s colouring sheets, each put into their draw ready for them to go home with the students tomorrow.
Before you knew it you were in your car, making your way home together with your playlist sounding in the background and you both sang along.
Beth handed you the front door keys as you stepped out of the lift. You turned the key in the front door, yoj stepped inside, kicking off your shoes. The lights were dimmed, and the soft glow of flickering candles shone across the walls. The dining table was set for two, decorated with delicate china, glasses, and a vase of fresh red roses.
“Beth?” You said, turning on your heels to face your wife. “What’s all this?”
“Happy Valentine’s Day, darling!” she smiled, “I thought we could have a quiet dinner together.”
You were speechless. Beth wasn’t usually one for grand gestures and after this morning you were just expecting a cosy night in bed together. After this, you felt like the luckiest girl in the whole world.
“You did all this?” You finally managed to say, your voice hoarse.
She nodded, stepping closer. “I wanted to remind you how much you mean to me,” she murmured. “After working hard today, I wanted to show my wife how much she meant to me.”
“I don’t deserve this.” You murmured, “this morning would’ve been more than enough, love. Thank you so much.”
You kissed Beth’s soft lips, her hands resting on your hips, “You deserve the whole world, darling.”
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ynmead6 Valentine’s Day <3
tagged: bethmead_
comments…
bethmead_ love you ❤️
leahwilliamsonn aww sappy
↳ ynmead6 aww single leah
jbeattie91 adorable
stephcatley my favourites!
kyracooneyx yuck
↳ bethmead_ go to bed child
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enden-k · 2 months
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speaking of language, ppl noticed how differently aventurine speaks to his child self yes but have you also noticed he speaks differently to ratio compared to the rest? more natural, all excited and bubbly (or insecure when he was shrunk) like a little kid, not as mischievous (?) confident? sly (?? i cant find the right words but uknow what i mean) he usually speaks with others. showing more of himself to ratio (the most, personal info we learn about him outside of his sequence is through his scenes with ratio!) the way his tone darkens when the doubts creep in and he thinks ratio wasnt acting and actually does hate him, and the way he lets out this relieved laugh when he opens the handwritten note of ratio, ridding him of his insecurity and showing him he does care, that he wants him to come back alive
(and speaking of ratio, how he indulged aventurine when he was in the sandpit. how his face had changed throughout the entire scene w sundays plan for aventurine, how annoyed he was w him and thats why he turns away whenever he cant keep his face straight when aventurine is abt to get hurt. the concern he showed afterwards. smn end me)
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rkvriki · 1 year
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things enha does for you !
hey guys!!! after tha one last fic im back to soft content lolz. i got this idea when i was in class so excuse me if its crappy tho! this one is a lil smoll :')
make sure to leave feedback. my requests are open and so is my talk box so let's talk!
WARNINGS ! undertones of being naked and sunoo watching its all sfw so dont worry!! might contain grammar errors!
word count: 1k
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LEE HEESEUNG !
— makes you homemade gifts
heeseung is pretty good at everything, so once in his life decides to make good use of it outside of his job.
heeseung loves giving you gifts, most of them expensive pieces of clothing or even random plushies he wins when he goes to the arcade with the other boys, but is there anything more meaningful than a gift he made himself?
he makes so many handmade things but his favorite thing to do is scrap books. he tries to collect his favorite pics with you every month and he puts them in a scrapbook with cute and sweet handwritten messages.
he loves seeing your wide smile as you scan every picture he chose, remembering each day like it was yesterday.
PARK JONGSEONG !
— leaves you notes or flowers 
he does this almost everyday or at least when he stays over at yours and he even has special cute and decorated post its just for you :’)
sometimes he will notice that you might be feeling a little more down or stressed with school/work so he waits for you to fall asleep before he leaves after writing a heartfelt note and sticking it somewhere he knows you’ll see it.
or sometimes jay just feels like treating you nicely so he sends your favorite flowers with a postcard to your house or office.
it all just makes you feel so giddy and soft on the inside, you love how much he shows affection to you in all kinds of ways.
SIM JAKE !
— is present in the most important moments
being from abroad is hard and jake knows that because he also came from a different country, so when knows his s/o isn’t from korea he tries to make up for the fact you don’t have anyone like family members around to supporto you.
when you have important presentations he will be in the audience cheering for you with the biggest smile on his face.
most of the times he does this are surprises, you never know when to expect seeing him there and you would bawl your eyes out if you weren’t in front of so many people.
when you have your first job interview he will take you to where it’s going to take place and he will wait outside and when you come out will tell you that you did good no matter what results are gonna be.
PARK SUNGHOON !
— writes you letters expressing himself
i feel like sunghoon is really shy when it comes to expressing his feelings, although it doesn’t stop him from telling you he loves you every day.
every week he writes you a letter in neat and pretty handwriting, sometimes just telling you how he is feeling lately, other times talking about how much he loves you and how afraid he is of losing you.
he puts every feeling there is in him in the paper, always writing you more than one sheet of paper. After you read all of them you alway call him and you both talk about it, which makes him shy and his ears turn red.
you keep every letter in a box in a place only you and him know and you always read them when you miss him when he’s away.
KIM SUNOO !
— prepares you a spa day/bath
we all know sunoo is all about self care with all the skin care he does and the vitamins he takes and now it’s also a habit of yours thanks to him.
he loves taking care of you when he feels like you aren’t doing it, unable to do it either from stress or just being busy with your life.
when those situations happen, he never fails to surprise you when you come home with a warm bubbly bath in your bathroom, now candle lit.
he asks you to get in the tub as he leaves to get you more things.
he comes back with a huge variety of skin care for you to choose and prepares you your favorite light drink.
when you come out of the shower he will have you laying in the bed and will give the best back massage you’ll ever get, breaking all the knots in you, finishing off with kisses all over your back and face making you giggle.
YANG JUNGWON !
— takes time to celebrate important dates
jungwon loves planning things for you, especially your birthday. even though it makes him wanna rip his hair off he makes all the efforts to make it the best birthday party you could ever have.
literally no one can talk to him during the weeks he is planning it because he is so stressed that he will snap at someone unintentionally (he apologizes later, poor won)
he will plan it almost a month earlier to make sure everything is perfect. he look for the best bakeries around and tries to find the best rooftop to have the party.
he contacts every single one of your friends trying not to forget to invite anyone.
then the worts part comes, the present to give you. jungwon knows so much about you, almost every little detail, but one thing he doesn’t know is what to give you in your birthday, even if you reassure him he is the best present >-<
all the stress his worthy when he sees your teary eyes smile at the big party.
NISHIMURA RIKI !
— spends quality time with you
being an idol takes a lot of someone’s time and niki tries to use every second he had of free time to be with you since he’s always in and out of the country and he knows you hate being alone.
niki takes you everywhere you possibly can go. you go hiking, you go to amusement parks, to the movies, trying out restaurants, just anywhere.
he’s always up to try new things with you and sometimes he might bring the other boys along or you bring your friends, but it’s very rare to happen.
he always takes his digital camera, taking pictures of you when you aren’t looking, which he ends up showing you making you complain of how bad you look and he just glares at you.
sometimes you just go to quiet places and enjoy each other presence, like going to parks in the middle of the nowhere, where it’s just the two of you being two fools in love.
© rkvriki 2023, do not copy or translate my works, please.
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lanabuckybarnes · 3 months
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Empty words.
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This has been in my drafts for a bit but it's rotting my brain. I’m sad so I’m making everyone else sad.
Fluff with a sad end. I’m not that good at writing angst.
Pairing: Bucky x Reader
Warnings: Insinuated character death?
ALWAYS (Sequal)
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It was no secret that Bucky had the heart eyes for the little nurse who had just transferred. The way her bright eyes were permanently blown wide giving her that scared little doe look or the way she still looked adorable covered in someone's blood, he couldn’t decide what had made him fall into the jaws of love.
Or maybe it was that time she’d saved his ass, yeah, it was probably that.
Bucky had been out on the frontline when a single wrong move had cost him, a bullet lodged itself straight in the shoulder, only a centimetre from his beating heart. For 3 days he’d been out due to an infection racking his body, punishment for not seeking adequate treatment once it had occurred but when he awoke with a startle and his eyes laid on her soft-looking features he decided that maybe almost dying was worth it.
What he didn’t expect was for his pretty little nurse to be so damn stubborn when it came to his advances.
For the entire time he was in the infirmary he’d tried to wow her with that silver tongue of his, from promises to take her dancing to much more sinful ones— he’d tried it all and she still said no. This would be harder than what he thought.
After having to be practically kicked out of his infirmary bed she’d started receiving small gifts. A single rose appeared first and she’d inhaled its soft scent with a smile before placing it down to complete her paperwork.
A small collection of ration chocolate was next, a sweet gesture that she’d gladly gulped down late at night while reading her favourite novel.
Her favourite though had to be a beautiful handwritten note, the contents filled with words that no other man could ever think of much less write it down. His words were poet-like, she could feel herself begin to swoon.
Eventually, the anonymous sender had bucked up the confidence to deliver his letters by hand, who would’ve guessed it would’ve been the smart-mouthed Sargent? They’d finished that night on the grassy hills of the base, a flask of malt between them, his thick coat around her body while she rested her head softly against his shoulder.
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The next time they’d found time to meet it was hot, far too hot. The men had stripped down, their military coats strewn about the camp and their shirts unbuttoned. Not Sargent Barnes though. He had a date and he intended to look the part.
What a horrible mistake that was.
She’d gotten away early from her duties at the infirmary. They walked along the beach, the sun high in the sky, it was killing him but he’d be dammed if he let her see.
When she turned from her conversation to look at him, a giggle bubbled from her throat.
“Buck you’re sweating, take off that coat.” The collar and back of it were a deep brown from his sweat.
“Ah ah, I gotta look good for my lady” he retorted, truthfully, he was exhausted under those layers and she refused to let him get sunstroke because he was trying to impress her.
Her fingers made quick work of the gold embellished buttons, popping them one by one before setting her sights on the belt. He couldn’t help but grin.
“You know if you wanted me naked, all you had to do was ask Sweetheart” he teased letting his thumb and forefinger pinch her chin- she returned his affection with a sweaty hand to his face, pushing it away softly.
He’d placed his coat on the sand and guided her to sit, following suit just after. They spoke for a while before Bucky’s eyebrows furrowed, she was squinting in the sun and he didn’t like when she was uncomfortable in any way.
“Here” he mumbled removing his hat and placing it gently atop her head. Although he’d acted nonchalant about the whole gesture, he couldn’t bear to hide the true effect it had on him.
He’d leaned forward slowly, placing a large hand around the back of her neck and swallowing her words in a soft kiss. Their first ever one together.
“Makes me happy when you wear my clothes” his voice hummed against her lips, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.
“Yeah? Why is that?” She’d asked with a shy giggle.
“Yeah… it lets me know that you are mine” he replied, sealing their mouths together again, this one full of raw passion and love.
┉┈◈◉◈┈┉
The barracks celebrations were in full swing, the reason long forgotten about after a few wines. Bucky had come from nowhere, his big stumbling body now stood in front of her and her friends.
“Hey, sweetheart!” He slurred, his body moving extremely quick for his drunken state, swiping her up from her chair and into a tight embrace. The kind that got tighter the more she struggled.
“Are you having a nice night Buck?” Her hands thread through his short fluffy hair, absentmindedly scratching at his scalp.
“Mhmmm” he hummed, a big jolly smile decorating his handsome features.
“Ladies” he turned his attention to the immaculately dressed women, bowing his head slightly in an expression of greeting.
Where had his hat gone? She found herself wondering.
“Do you mind if I steal this beautiful little lady from you? Just for a dance” he didn’t wait for their response, whisking her away.
There was already a handsome crowd of men dancing to the sweet romantic tunes on the radio with their ladies. They fit in perfectly— Bucky’s inebriation never seemed to affect the precise steps of his feet.
She could just about make out the words falling rhythmically from his lips. He was singing.
Bucky lay his forehead on hers, his feet not faltering, even after the song had long finished he never stopped swaying them.
“You..” his voice was slightly rasped from the whiskey “You are the best thing that has ever happened to me” he eventually whispered.
“Bucky-I”
“Shhhh shhh sh. My girl.” He cut her off, grabbing at her wrists to wrap her arms around his neck. To bring her closer.
“Come on Buck, let’s get you to bed” her words cut the quiet air between them. She had to pry herself from him, his face had melted into a pout. It was as though she was looking at a kicked puppy.
His face didn’t change the whole journey back to his tent.
Most of the men had passed out from their drunkenness but the men who were huddled together playing cards happily pointed her in the direction of the Sargent’s cot.
Making quick work of his clothes, much to Bucky’s drunken amusement. She’d pushed him to lie down and rolled his thin cover over his frame.
She pecked at his forehead, whispering a goodnight before standing to leave.
“Stay…” his hand has caught her wrist. His voice sounded small, almost broken. ‘Was he upset? Was it about his mission tomorrow?’
“I don’t want to go tomorrow, I finally have someone to look forward to. I don’t want to lose you” he sniffed, watching as her frame sank to sit on the edge of his cot.
She smiled sympathetically. Letting her hand come up to his cheek and smooth over the skin, collecting a stray tear on its travels.
“I know baby, but It’s your last mission. Then you can take me back to Brooklyn” she’d answered. She wished to continue, she wanted to say more, to comfort him more— no words would come out.
“I fucking love you” he groaned receiving a soft pat on the chest as she pretended to be angry at him.
“Hey now potty mouth, that is no way to talk in front of a lady” he practically hollered with laughter at that, the sound filled with amusement and disbelief.
“There is no woman in the world that would’ve done the things you’ve done to me and still think she was a lady” he joked, the men behind them laughing along with him.
“Sargent James Barnes” her tone accusing but she couldn’t hide the way her lips curled into a smile.
They’d sat in each other’s presence for a while before she stood, finally convinced he’d fallen asleep.
“Baby?” He asked, the words quiet, whistling the air.
“Yeah?”
“When I get you back to Brooklyn, I’m going to marry you so quick”. She could feel tears springing to her eyes at his confession, a confession she hoped would come true.
She leaned forward quickly, capturing his lips by surprise in a passionate kiss. His lips moved sloppier than usual but he kept up with her.
Pulling away gently she looked into his big blue eyes, no other emotion but love swirled through them. She pecked his lips for a final time before speaking.
“Come back to me James”.
“Always”.
┉┈◈◉◈┈┉
She’d been sitting at her desk when Steve had entered, a solemn look on his face.
“Steve, hey. Everything alright?” She’d asked with a smile. She took notice of the coat and hat in his hands, her heart fell first, it knew before the rest of her did, he didn’t have to speak.
“I’m sorry” Steve choked, setting down the items in his hand and turning to leave.
His hat, his coat but not him.
Not Bucky.
┉┈◈◉◈┈┉
I’m trying to practice writing angst but it’s so harddd.
Why oh why must I want to write sadness when all I can write is smut.
Hope you enjoy.
167 notes · View notes
hothothotch · 10 months
Note
hi! can you write a hotch angsty / fluff piece based off the episode of s3 ep 20 where they go to NY and have to work with Kate Joyner and Hotch treats reader like how he did to Morgan and pushes reader aside bc even after reader being there for him after his divorce with Hayley and thinking there was something more but then ends in fluff? :)
hey hey! first i want to say that this ask has saved my life. second, i got carried away again. but i hope you like it, anon s2
(god knows how much i want a part two for this one)
requests are open!
tw: angst, fluff, 5.3k words.
You should have seen it coming.
You’ve been a part of BAU’s team since the departure of Ellie, a quick replacement approved by Agent Hotchner — or Hotch, as the team called him — that took place for the first time after The Fisher King’s case, when Ellie was shot; when she decided working at the BAU was too much to handle, Hotch approved your official transference only a few weeks before Strauss’ approved Prentiss’.
In all honesty, you’d been surprised Hotch didn’t kick you out after that, but grateful nonetheless — you absolutely loved that job.
You had been the first to notice when Hotch’s marriage started to crumble, your own habit of staying late nights at the office giving you a first-row view of the nights he’d stay late and go home only on the early hours of the morning, just to come back fresh and new as if nothing had happened. There wasn’t much you could do to help, even if you wanted to; the fact that Hotch trusted you on the job didn’t necessarily mean that he trusted you enough to let you in on his personal issues, and you didn’t feel like you really wanted to. But, as purple bags started to form under his eyes, a clear evidence that he hadn’t been sleeping, you couldn’t help but start showing small, almost meaningless acts of service that you hoped would make him feel better.
Everything was pretty secretive.
You started to get in the office earlier, so you could leave a cup of fresh coffee on his desk (black with no sugar, as you know he liked), and whenever you went out for dinner, you’d come back bearing something that was small enough so he wouldn’t want to pay for what you brought.
You started daring more only a few weeks into your small endeavor. Instead of only leaving your secret gifts, you started to write small notes in Garcia’s colorful sticky notes (because you had none on your desk, so he wouldn’t know it was you) with encouraging comments, mostly about his job — and, when you were feeling specially bold, about his appearance in general.
You thought nothing of it, and had no idea if he even read them, but the fact that you were doing something to at least try and make things better was enough to warm your heart. Much more when his stern façade would suddenly turn into a lighter one as the day went by, even when you were out on cases and he found a cup of steaming coffee waiting for him, a sticky note attached to it with a unique message handwritten by you.
It wasn’t until the divorce that you felt the urge to reveal your identity.
Hotch had been served the divorce papers in front of the whole team, only a few minutes before they went out for drinks — it goes unsaid that he immediately stepped out of the group, deciding to go home. The team still went out for drinks, but the talks weren’t as fun as they were supposed to be, and the topic in hand was only one: Hotch’s sudden divorce.
“Haley left home a few weeks ago” Derek confessed, playing with his full glass of beer. A few women had come to hit on him, but it seemed like that small and closed group had decided that if one of them was miserable, they all would be miserable that night — and Morgan had been the first to agree to that silent contract, refusing every opportunity he had to get laid that night, “She took Jack and her things and… left”.
“How could she do it?” Penelope had asked, her voice wrapped in a wrath no one had ever seen the blonde bubble of happiness be.
“Hotch is very dedicated to his job, Pen” Emily had replied, her voice as condescending as sad, a clear indicative that while she wished things had been different, that maybe there was a second chance, something they could do to help, she still could understand Haley’s side in this bargain, “We understand that because we do the same, but Haley… she wasn’t one of us”.
And it was true. While any of you were ready to make sacrifices, to jump off cliffs in order to do the best for your job, Haley was just a wife that had to stay closed off at home with her kid, praying that, at the end of the day (or the week) her husband would make it back home.
Now Hotch knew how it felt.
“There’s nothing we can do to help” David had said that night, taking his own glass of whiskey and taking a sip of the sour drink, “Just be there for him”.
David was right. And maybe his words that night had been what prompted you to climb the three-steps of the catwalk’s stair one week later, one hand playing nervously with your necklace as you used the other to knock on Aaron’s door right after Spencer had left to go home, only you and your boss still on the sixth floor.
“Come in”.
Aaron’s voice was imposing, as serious as it had always been; it was curious, you noticed very quickly, how you’ve never seen Hotch falter before — even when he was served the papers, or when he officially announced for the team that he was, indeed, divorced. He had been calm and collected, talking about the topics as if he was making a comment about a case, or about the weather, and the only indication of his unsaid pain was the way his fingers played nervously with the now empty space where you’d been used to see his wedding band.
Just as he was doing when you opened the door, your eyes falling immediately on that spot, as if searching for an indicative that they had decided to try again. The hope painful on your heart.
“I finished the reports from the last case” you said after a few minutes, moving slowly to leave the folders on top of his desk, “And I’ve also filled the late paperwork, I’m sorry it took me a while”.
Hotch looked up at you, his brown eyes scanning your face almost curiously, and you frowned nervously at the prospect of having something wrong with your face, “What is it?”.
“Nothing” Aaron replied quickly, dropping his eyes back to his hands, “I’m sorry”.
You smiled softly at Aaron, moving slowly to take the seat across from him, careful enough to assure him that if he didn’t want you to sit with him, then you’d quickly move out and pretend nothing had happened. When he didn’t, you allowed yourself to place both your hands on top of his desk, your palms up in an inviting manner — you knew Hotch wouldn’t hold your hand, even with the clear offer, but you’d keep offering until he felt like accepting.
“We’re a team, Hotch” you whispered, almost inaudibly, hoping, one more time, not to be overstepping or making him uncomfortable in any capacity, “I know we’re not best buddies…” you teased lightly, adding a ‘yet’ on your mind, “But you still can share things with me. I’m here to help, you know? If you want to talk, ever, I’ll be here, okay?”.
Much for your surprise and happiness, Aaron had wanted to talk, eventually.
The first time was after a child-related case, from where he left with the need to see Jack, but unable to do so because Haley had taken him to his grandparents’ house. At first, when he called you up to his office, you’d thought you’d be reprimanded for a mistake you couldn’t even remember you committed, but you had barely stepped inside the office when Aaron started to speak, his eyes focused on the mess of papers on his desk.
“I want to talk” he said, his voice more painful than you thought it would be, “If you’re still up to it”.
You were. Absolutely.
And just as talking to him, falling in love with Aaron Hotchner was the easiest thing you’ve ever done in your life.
You didn’t notice how it happened, or when you finally realized you were head over hills in love with him, but what you did know was the unspeakable feeling of your heart thundering on your chest whenever he shot a smile on your way, or when he accidentally brushed his hand on your arm when walking past you, or during your nightly conversations, when he’d repeat the words you first told him all those months ago, when you offered your help.
“We’re a team”.
But you should’ve seen it coming.
You should’ve seen it coming when Aaron announced whoever was responsible for that case had called him personally, and not respected the natural order of things in which JJ receives the case and reunites with Aaron to know if it deserves their immediate attention.
You should’ve seen it coming when Derek commented about Kate Joyner being as ass, and Aaron immediately got defensive — and to some extent you believed you had noticed, even if you decided to ignore it, since your body had responded to his defensiveness.
But you didn’t. Mostly because up to that moment, everything was okay.
“You’ll keep throwing theories at me until I tell you to stop?” Hotch asked, and even if his voice was serious and perfectly professional, you could see a hint of a smile on the way his brows weren’t as furrowed as usual, a shy dimple appearing on the corner of his lips.
This, you thought as you observed his clear features, moving from side to side on the chair you’ve been sitting on, your sole duty being waiting for Garcia’s call, or a lead of any form, this is what I love the most about him. His almost smile.
The thought alone both intimidated you and made butterflies dance on your stomach. You loved him.
“I will” you agreed with a resolute nod, your face as serious as possible considering how bad you wanted to laugh, “That’s what I do when we don’t have leads, I try every possible outcome and make you smile every once in a while. Because we’re a team”.
Aaron shook his head, his smile a bit more apparent than before, “A team, indeed”.
“I hope we make a good one”.
You cringed visibly at Kate Joyner’s British accent, not failing to notice how Aaron immediately moved to look at her, a smile creeping up on his lips immediately as he met her eyes — and you felt your heart break even more at the realization that it was the same smile he always gave you.
“They liaised at Scotland Yard”, Emily had teased when you arrived, JJ gasping at the mischievous tone on her friend’s voice. You wondered if any of them noticed how your face fell by the minute, your eyes unable to match any of theirs, heart thumping against your chest because you had noticed how Aaron had looked at Kate.
He wanted her.
In a way he clearly had never — and probably would never — want you.
“Hotchner” you looked up immediately at his serious tone, furrowing your brows as you paid close attention at his words. You saw, with the corner of your eyes, when Derek and Rossi moved closer to the three of you, their faces as serious as Hotch’s, “Does it look like he could be one of our guys?”.
“What’s going on?” Derek asked, his eyes following Hotch’s every move.
“We’ve got eyes on one of them” Aaron replied quickly, and for a second you hoped they’d be somewhere you could get them, that maybe this hell would be over in the next hour, maybe you were remotely close… “He’s on the subway platform at 59th and Lex”.
Your heart stopped beating at that moment, your breath immediately caught on your throat as you turned to face Kate, “We could be there” you muttered, your voice nothing more than an accusing whisper, “If we’d followed Derek’s plan, we could be there”.
“No, we should be there!” Derek retorted, his voice pulling out the anger you’ve managed to keep away from your words, and if your message hadn’t been clearly delivered to Kate, Derek’s had been — it was her fault.
“He’s got a gun” Garcia announced on the other side of the line, her voice wavering slightly at the new information.
“What do we do?” you asked, eyes moving past Kate to meet Hotch’s, “What are we supposed to do?”.
Aaron didn’t have time to reply before Garcia’s voice came through once more, “He shot her”.
God.
“Where the hell are the police?”, Kate’s voice was nervous when she next spoke, walking past you as if you weren’t there, her eyes not daring to meet yours, even if you knew that she didn’t care about the rage you were displaying. She cared about nothing other than Aaron’s impression on her, “This is Kate Joyner with the FBI. We have a murder suspect, subway platform. 59th and Lex”.
“He’s getting away!” Garcia announced, her voice clearly anguished.
Your mind started to work, all the training you ever had in your life — both for the BAU and other Units — coming back to you on that second, drawing you to move closer to the phone, you’re voice commanding, “Garcia, can you get eyes on him above ground?”.
“He’s heading west on 59th Street”.
“If he makes it to the park, we’ve lost him” Kate pointed, clearly worried.
The point was, Kate’s worry meant nothing to you anymore. Not when she was responsible for that; not when her pride got over her job and caused you to lose the only lead you could’ve had.
“And whose fault is this, Joyner?” you asked, your voice as venomous as you could make it sound, both your hands holding tightly at the wooden surface of the desk you’ve been sitting at, “Because from where I see it, is yours”.
The silence between your small group was almost palpable, and you could hear how someone took a harsh breath, as if your words had been like a slap to their face. You didn’t turn to see who had had that reaction, though — you knew the team had a very tunneled vision of you, that the fact you rarely snapped at people made them think you weren’t as fierce as Prentiss, even though they knew you were way more able to stand your ground than Spencer, usually without being overly rude at the source of your dismay.
That wasn’t the case, not that day.
You heard Aaron calling your name, and if it were any other day, maybe you’d have drawn your eyes off Kate to look at him, but you knew if you did this now, you’d backtrack — and God knew you didn’t want to.
“We could’ve had this guy!” you spat, pointing at the phone, “We just had to follow along with Morgan’s plan, which was a good plan, but Ms. I’m-better-than-anyone couldn’t handle hearing that someone was better than her!”.
“That’s not what happened—”.
“Oh, isn’t it?” You cut her off immediately, licking your lips for a second as your eyes kept glued on hers. Not blinking, not faltering. For the first time since you joined the FBI, you allowed the anger to consume you, because it was personal for you.
The way she looked at Hotch was personal for you.
The way they kept their bodies close was personal for you.
The way he had immediately stopped reciprocating you and your feelings whenever she was close, was personal for you.
The way she had the man you loved under her spell was personal for you.
“Even if we were on that platform, odds are he would have moved onto someone isolated” Kate retorted, her voice way calmer than yours.
“Maybe, but it was worthy a fucking shot!” you screamed, slapping your hands against the table, the sound calling the attention of the other Agents around, “Morgan said to put us at express stops. You wouldn’t need any new cop or to take the cops that are working from the streets, you just needed to assign us for this, and you decided not to, just because Morgan said so!”.
“It’s not your place to have this discussion”.
You were ready to spat back, maybe even to move closer to Kate and tell her that if she failed to do her job, then it was time someone else do it. But the voice that called you out wasn’t Kate’s.
You faltered, your voice suddenly getting caught on your throat as you turned to face Aaron, his eyes void of emotion as he looked at with you a grave expression, only one message written on his face: shut up, or you’ll see the consequences.
“My…” you stuttered, “My place?”.
“You need to back off” Aaron moved on, “We’re here to give the profile, that’s what we’ll do”.
“We have seven bodies, Aaron!” you said, but your voice had lost the strength it had when you were discussing with Kate, your anger turning into something way more painful. Painful for you, “Seven bodies. A woman was just killed on a subway platform because of her incompetence and you’re telling me to back off?”.
You hated how your voice broke on the last phrase, clear evidence that you were on the verge of tears. And you hated that he was a good enough profiler to see it, but he chose to ignore, because he was favoring her over you.
“You said it right, we have seven bodies” Aaron agreed, “Which is exactly why we need to stay focused”.
Derek snorted, drawing your attention back to him, “Pretty rich coming from the man who can’t stay focused on anything but her”.
As if it couldn’t hurt you more.
Aaron didn’t flinch, his eyes meeting Derek’s as he finished the almost inexistant space that separated the two of them, his voice low and passive — the tone he always used when talking with a suspect, “Take a walk. Now. You both”.
All you needed was for his eyes to meet yours for you to know you were done. With this case; with Kate Joyner; with Aaron.
“I’m out” you announced, messily grabbing your things and throwing them on your pockets, trying your best not to unravel then and there, where Kate could see how much she had affected you — how much their actions had affected you, “Out of this precinct. Out of this case”.
You walked past Aaron without sparing a glance at him, making a beeline towards the elevator. And for a second you thought about ignoring the way he called you, aware that you wouldn’t be able to look at him without the tears falling down your face, without you pouring your heart out to the man you ultimately loved, but that couldn’t reciprocate your feelings.
But you stopped, anyway. You stopped because a part of you hoped you’d see the man you’ve grown fond of in the past months; because you expected him to apologize, to say that you were right, or just say something… because if he didn’t, you might as well give up on him.
Ask me to stay, you pleaded, just ask me to stay.
“You can’t walk away from this case”.
You snorted at his cold words, and even with your back turned to him, you knew his face was still cold as stone, the Unit Chief, not your friend, “I can. And I will” you finally found it in yourself to turn and face him, the first tears falling down your face, “I’ll tell Strauss I couldn’t handle it, that it hit too close to home. Don’t worry, I’ll take the plane back to D.C tonight, I don’t want the jet and won’t make the Bureau pay for a bedroom for me. It won’t ruin your budget”.
“Why are you acting like that?” he asked, and you allowed yourself to bask on the way his own voice faltered, the way his closed demeanor changed at the sight of your tears, but it only lasted one second before you looked over his shoulders, finding Kate looking straight at you, clearly curious.
Suddenly there was no way you’d walk out without saying everything you needed to say.
“You really don’t know?” you questioned, “Okay, so I’ll tell you, Aaron” you made a pause, fidgeting with your necklace once again, trying to find the courage you needed to let it all out — everything and nothing at the same time, “I’m so in love with you, Aaron. I’ve been from the moment you started opening up to me. And to see you dismissing my opinion, acting like I’m nothing more than just an AIT who has no idea what she’s doing here, it hurts…” your voice was nothing but a mumbled hiss, the tears now staining your shirt, and you were unable to stop them, even when you violently wiped them away with the palm of your hand, “It hurts because I thought maybe… maybe you were feeling the same. Maybe you were opening up to me because you wanted me to be a part of your life, more than a friend, but a real partner… I thought we were a team, but I see I was wrong”.
You allowed yourself to look desperate, broken, out of place for one more second as you watched the way his demeanor changed as he processed every word you’ve said. You noticed with a heavy heart when it stopped, when he finally took in the meaning behind your words, and then…
Then you saw nothing.
And that only made your heart break even more.
“As I said, I was wrong” you repeated, pressing the elevator button violently, “I’m sorry, Agent Hotchner. I hope the case ends well. I’ll hand you my resignation once you’re back home”.
And without a word more, you left.
Prentiss called to let you know the case had ended only two days after you left — not that you wanted to know, but you had told Hotch you’d hand your resignation once he was back, so you were grateful she called. She didn’t ask if you were okay, because you clearly weren’t, and you were grateful for that, too (even if Derek and Penelope did call to know if you were feeling okay).
Aaron didn’t call.
He didn’t reach out.
Didn’t send a message or an email.
He was dead silent.
You had learnt from Derek that Kate Joyner had been killed on an explosion meant to hit her and Hotch, and that Morgan had driven him back to Quantico once Aaron was cleared from the hospital. He didn’t need to tell you, but you knew he had talked to Aaron (or either talked while Aaron listened) about what you said before leaving, about your feelings and how you were ready to resign because of the way he treated you; you also knew from his voice that he wanted you to ask what had been Hotch’s answer to their talk, but you didn’t want to know. Your heart was already too damaged to accept another blow.
It had been around the third day since the end of the case when someone knocked on your door. You had asked the team not to come over, not wanting them to see you on the state you were — hair disheveled, eyes puffy and red from crying —, and much less have to answer to questions you weren’t ready to answer; but you had been receiving a visit from your neighbor, Mr. Clark, who had caught you crying alone once and since then had been visiting you on the same hour everyday to make sure you were doing okay.
He was also helping you look for new jobs, even if he was trying to convince you to do something less dangerous than working for the FBI. It wasn’t working.
“Hello, Mr.—” you cut yourself off immediately when your eyes met the newcomer, your lips slightly parted as you took in his image, “Agent Hotchner?”.
You noticed how he flinched at your words, moving slightly back as if you had shot him straight on the heart, and not just called him by his title. Still, Aaron tried to keep himself perfectly composed (as always), one hand hiding something on his back as he fidgets with his fingers with the other.
If you hadn’t spent the past weeks crying over him, you’d have found it adorable.
“What are you doing here?” you asked sharply, your eyes scanning him one more time before you stopped to find his eyes, almost losing yourself on their brown — almost green, depending on the light — immensity.
“I wanted to talk to you” Aaron replied, rolling his eyes at the notice of how obvious his words were, “I wanted to apologize”.
You tilted your head to the side, your body clearly blocking his way inside your apartment — something you’ve never done before, “Okay. Done. You can go now”.
Your words were harsher than they’ve always been, void and certain, mostly because you knew you still loved him, and that if he asked to go inside, you’d allow. You’d buy anything he said in order to feed the fantasy of you two being more than friends, of the possibility of you being what you wanted you to be.
“Can we talk?” Aaron pleaded, taking a step towards you, “Please”.
“Why? So you can ignore everything I said at the precinct and cry over Kate’s death?” you spat out, and maybe you shouldn’t have talked about someone’s death with the coldness you’ve done, but you were honestly tired of Aaron and his bullshit, “I offered myself to help you, Aaron, because I knew you were suffering over your divorce. And if for some miracle Haley and you decided to go back together and try again, I’d swallow my feelings and let my heart break as I watch you and her trying to rebuild what you had, because I know how much you suffered over losing her. How much you miss being Jack’s father everyday…” you raised one finger, pointing directly at Aaron’s heart — the heart you still loved more than everything, “But I’m not stupid. I won’t let you step on my feeling to cry over another woman after I’ve told you how I feel, after I’ve pathetically confessed my love to you. I’m worthy more than that, Aaron! I deserve more than someone who only needs me when they’re emotionally vulnerable. I deserve to be loved, Aaron!”.
Aaron was silent for a moment, his eyes scanning your face as he observed the first tears rolling down. You thought he wouldn’t say anything, that maybe he’d only move away as you told him to, but he didn’t.
He took a step towards you, using his free hand to clear your tears, “I know” Aaron whispered, licking his lips, “And I should’ve thought about it, about your feelings, before putting mine on top of them. And I apologize, even if I know it’s not enough”.
No, it wasn’t. Because merely apologizing wouldn’t erase the memory of him observing as you poured your heart out and dismissing it on behalf of another woman. It wouldn’t erase the comments, and how he belittled you. It wouldn’t erase the pain you’ve felt on the plane back, or how pathetic Erin Strauss made you feel for abandoning the field over personal problems.
“I didn’t notice you were in love with me because I was trying to brush past the fact that I had fallen in love with you, of how inappropriate it would look like for Strauss, of how it could jeopardize your career…” Aaron cleared his throat, looking at the ground, “And how bad I felt over the fact that you were trying to help me with my marital problems, and I was too busy noticing how beautiful your smile is. I didn’t believe it was right for me to fall in love with you, because I didn’t deserve someone as pure as you”.
You remained silent; your arms crossed in front of your body. You knew there was something else he wanted to say, so you allowed him to.
“I imagine you heard someone talking about how… how much Kate looked like Haley”.
You snorted bitterly, and that seemed to attract his attention back to you, “Everyone. Even I thought that when I saw her”.
Aaron nodded slowly, this time his eyes didn’t move from yours, “When I saw her, all I could see was Haley. And I tried to convince myself that the fact I was shaken by that meant that I was still in love with Haley, and that I didn’t have to worry about my feelings for you, that I wouldn’t mess up our friendship because there weren’t feelings between us… but whenever I looked your way, or talked to you, I’d feel my heartbeat faster. And when I looked at Kate, I felt… empty. As if I was staring at an old ghost” he confessed, and you could see on his demeanor how confessing that pained him — either because he was confessing in a way that he wasn’t in love with Haley anymore, or because he felt bad speaking ill of the dead, you weren’t sure, “So I tried to force myself into find that old spark, the way I felt for Haley, something that would prove to me that I wasn’t in love with you, but I failed. And I failed you in the meantime”.
You took a sharp breath, hating yourself for the way you started to play with your necklace, “Where does it put us, Aaron?” you asked painfully, “Because I won’t go through that again”.
Aaron took his hand off his back, showing you the small Tifanny box he had been hiding, your breath getting immediately caught on your throat as you reached for the object hesitantly, “I’m not proposing to you” he clarified at the look on your face, “I couldn’t, not after just getting divorced… and I also can’t be in a relationship with you, now. I want to, but I need to settle things with Jack before I bring someone knew into my life, and I need to prove to you that I mean it when I say I love you”.
“Aaron…” you whispered, opening up the lid to reveal a golden lock pendant, one that you knew all too well — one you had nonchalantly commented with Aaron you wanted, but thought nothing of it, believing he hadn’t paid any mind at your words. He had, “I can’t… I can’t accept it, I—”.
“I’m not trying to buy your forgiveness, I’m not stupid to think you’d accept a gift in exchange of it” he cut you off, “But I want you to keep it as a promise that I’ll try to make it up to you every day, until you can forgive me. And that I’ll wait for you ‘til my last breath, if needed”.
You looked up at Aaron, nodding slowly.
You knew by the look on his face that you’d be the one leading them from that moment on, that if you wanted to just get the necklace and tell him to go, he’d go without missing a heartbeat. But you didn’t want it. Aaron was willing to try, to win your forgiveness and to respect your feelings in a way he hadn’t before.
“We’re a team” you muttered under your breath, opening up a smile.
So maybe you owed it to yourself to try, too.
Aaron gave you a similar smile, nodding, “We’re a team. The best team”.
And as you took a step to the side, inviting Aaron to enter your apartment, you knew you had already forgiven him.
Thank you for the request ✨
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crowdsourcedgender · 4 days
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My zine, 'Label Coining as an Artform', is finally done! Transcript/Image ID underneath (warning: it's long). Printed version in a reblog.
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[Image ID: A series of pages in a zine. The text is handwritten, and all figures described are simplified stick figures.
Page 1: ‘LABEL COINING as an ARTFORM in large text. Below is the multicolored MOGAI wheel, with three figures taking pieces of the colors and using them for art: sculpting, cutting a piece of paper, and painting. Below is ‘a MOGAI (& LIOM!) zine by Elliot/Hesper aka @ crowdsourcedgender on tumblr. Under the text are five pride flags: aro-spec, veldian, alterhuman, xenoman, and schooldoodlic.
Page 2: ‘Label Coining’ in large pink text. ‘(in this context) is the act of creating a word (and usually flag) for a certain experience!’. Next to this text is a figure filled in with pink with a speech bubble full of pink shapes, talking to someone using a cane holding out a hand and expressing a question mark. Below reads ‘generally a queer experience, but does often include or incorporate disability, neurodivergence etc.’ A figure asks ‘Why?’ and the text reads ‘I would say these are the ‘core tenets’:’. In a cloud next to this text is a blue and purple pride flag with purple text reading: ‘like this cool prosopagnosia flag I made!’.
The bottom half of the page is split into two columns: ‘Understanding’ and ‘Community’. The first column has a purple arm amputee explaining a purple rectangle to another purple person who is thinking ‘that’s me!!’. Next to them another purple person is explaining the same rectangle to a blank person, who has a purple-filled thought bubble with a white exclamation mark. Underneath the drawing is text surrounded by question marks: ‘Labels help people understand what they are experiencing, and communicate this to others. It’s easier to explain something when it’s already been written down!” The second column has a purple person holding a purple umbrella. They are waving to a purple person in a wheelchair. A purple person is leading another one to the group. Underneath the drawing is text surrounded by connected dots: ‘People can unite under a shared label whether this group is big or small! Whether for practical purposes (like advice) or just for fun, having people like you is nice.
Page 3: ‘And these are just as important as ever! But I’ve noticed what I like to call COINING for the sake of CREATION’. This last phrase is in large, dark and light blue text. Two sun symbols are on either side. Below is the text: ‘Vexillology is very clearly an artform, but label coining has become something more (not to mention that not all new labels have flags!). It’s composed of multiple skills has become more than the sum of its parts. Any art captures an experience, but label coining is much more explicit about it. And not just people’s experience of their identity! Part of the art of label coining is incorporating other concepts too, e.g. Schooldoodlic A gender related to doodling on school work papers and/or your homework. By spirits-gender-coining on Tumblr.’ The text about Schooldoodlic is small and light teal. Next to the text is its flag.
Page 4: ‘Elements of Label Coining’. The text on this page is separated into four green boxes.
‘Naming: Coming up with the actual word can be tricky. Generally, labels with lots of elements get more leeway with length. It’s important to check that a label isn’t already a word as well.’ Next to this text is more rough, dark green text reading ‘Premade suffixes + prefixes help! And latin (for some languages) as it’s possible to intuit meaning!’ Around the text is a few examples: ‘-vesil’ ‘-musica’ ‘an-’ ‘quoi-’
‘Flag making: Also known as vexillology, this is a pretty big deal. It’s also the most fun for me! You develop a really good sense of color from spending so much recoloring the same three stripes.’ Next to the text is 6 versions of the same pride flag, each with slightly different colors, with a 7th final version with a symbol.
‘Symbol making: Most flags don’t have symbols, but they’re good for groups of labels under a certain umbrella, or just if you have a really good idea.’ Next to this is rough, dark green text reading: ‘I drew three semirealistic flowers for a flag and ended up only using one’ with sad face. Under it is a drawing of a daisy, a pink coneflower, and lavender, which is circled.
‘Descriptions/formatting: Explanations can be artistic in their own right, and formatting is fun to mess with: many people have their own style. Make sure it’s accessible: add image IDs and plain text where applicable. There are a lot of good resources online!’ In dark green text is the phrase ‘Accessibility over Aesthetics’ with an image of a key on top and sparkles below.
Underneath the boxes in light green text is ‘Note: in the right context, any of these can be optional!’
Page 5: ‘If it wasn’t clear, I think this is AWESOME’. Awesome is in large text with yellow radiating lines. Underneath is ‘I’m a MOGAI coiner myself (generally) with about 65 coins at time of drawing. Using something I made, I wanted to demonstrate what a label coining might look like!’ Underneath is four versions of the same pride flag as well as a description, with ‘flag!’ ‘stripe meanings (I don’t normally do these)’ ‘symbol’ ‘name’ ‘pre-existing format’ and ‘experience’ labelled. The description reads ‘[Image ID was here] Human non-conforming (HNC). Human non-conforming (HNC, similar to gender non-conforming) is an umbrella label encompassing all identities and subcultures that somehow incorporate nonhuman elements in any way.’
Page 6: ‘The thing I love most about the label coining community is just that- the community! The way coiners and users interact, as well as how coiners can work together, is wonderful. There are 5 large words each with an associated doodle.
‘Requesting’: A figure leaning on forearm crutches has a speech bubble with yellow shapes exploding out of it. Another figure is taking shapes down from the bubble and forming it into a ball.
‘Collecting’: A figure is pulling a yellow cart with a large cloth bag labelled ‘LABELS’. They have stars in their eyes, and are looking at another person who is gesturing to a yellow rectangle.
‘Collaborating’: Two figures, one with orange speech and one with yellow speech and an AAC tablet are discussing, with many shapes and lines intermingling to make a fragmented rectangle.
‘Combining’: A figure in a grey hijab pulls down a lever. They are standing next to a large blender mixing orange and yellow liquids. On either side is bright yellow lightning.
‘Redesiging’: A small star with four radial lines coming out of it becomes more and more complex, indicated by black arrows.
Under the words is the text: ‘I’ve never participated, but there’s this amazing event called: COINFIGHT. Hosted by @ kiruliom on Tumblr. It’s inspired by artfight, and it involves coining labels for other people- but competitive-ish!’ Coinfight is in large, text with a crescent moon with stars at the top right corner, and a star at the bottom left.
Page 7: ‘I don’t think there’s anything like finding a label that finally fits you, or hearing that something you made did that for someone else.’ Under is a figure looking at an orange flower with light lines, then forming elements of the flower into a bubble, then showing an orange rectangle to another figure, with orange tendrils reaching towards them, forming the shape of a heart. Below is the text ‘There are a lot of things like pouring out your heart- or just having fun- while making or collecting label. I coin in the same mind I sketch and color and shade.’ On each side is a pen drawing an orange figure with a red shirt, and a tablet with an orange and red flag. Under this is ‘Label coining is an artform both like and unlike any other, and I’m proud to participate in it. I hope that if you want to, you can join me. And if that’s not your thing- thanks for reading!’ There is a drawing of a figure with dark grey wings holding up two fingers. Next is a ‘<2’ heart and ‘elliot’ as a signature. In smaller text next to these is ‘Thank you to the creators whose work is featured in this zine! Credit on the next page. Remember to keep this wonderful community and artform accessible to all!’
Page 8: ‘Credit’: This section has a pride flag next to each label. ‘Aromantic-spectum, @ theflagarchive on Tumblr. Turian, @ kenochoric on Tumblr. Schooldoodlic, @ spirits-gender-coining on Tumblr. Xenoman, @ ryanyflags on Tumblr. MOGAI symbol, Kautr Wikimedia Commons. Alterhuman, @ vaestra on Tumblr. (the flag on pg. 4 is Wildflowergender). ‘About making this zine’: ‘I really, really regret handwriting this. Drawing over Helvetica Neue for so long might change my actual handwriting, [more rough:] which looks like this! According to Artstudio Pro, I took 14 hours! I barely planned this before starting, the color wheel theme and the people doodles. /End ID]
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archiveoftragedies · 11 months
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In honor of Juno canonically gazing dramatically into the middle distance every time he narrates, this
(ID under the cut)
[ID: A black and white sketch of Juno Steel and Rex Glass with a white background. To the top, the title reads "Juno Steel and the case of the murderous mask". Under that, Juno stands next to Rex Glass, blankly staring at a place outside the shot. He has short curly/coily hair with an undercut and wears a lingerie bralette and an oversized coat, two earrings that look like they're aflame, piercings, and his face is covered in scars. To his left, the text, with a typewriter font, reads "Really, it was 'a lot of blood' that was the problem – it looked like someone popped a balloon full of pasta Bolognese in that damn case. There was something on Croesus’s face, but it didn't look like any kind of mask I'd ever seen. It was more like a big bronze folding chair crumpled up where his head was supposed to be". Next to him, Rex Glass wears black sunglasses, one of his eyebrows is furrowed in confusion. His hair is combed back, and he has many earrings, piercings and rings. He's wearing a dress shirt with a cravat and a striped corset. He's fixing one of his rose-shaped cufflinks with his hand. There's a text bubble to his right that reads, in a flowery font, "Juno? Juno can you hear me? Hello?". Under that, handwritten, are his thoughts, that read "every time he freezes I can hear the screensaver bumping against the walls of his cranium. By God I WILL have him. Tell him my name even". End ID]
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stayteezdreams · 7 months
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And His Name Was Death {Part One}
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Summoned
Plot: What happens when you accidentally summon death himself, and he decides he doesn't want to leave?
{Part Two}
Pairing: Death!Park Seonghwa x Gn!Reader
Requests: "I thought I saw something" + 'You meet Death himself, and he seems to have a crush on you.' + 'The creaking of an old door' + 'Accidentally summoning a demon while decorating'
Requested by: Anonymous; @tumbleboof and @amalialoved
A/n: yeah...I enjoyed writing these requests so much it turned into a series.
Warnings: Mildly suggestive content. Mentions of death (obviously)
Words: ~5.3k
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Joy radiated through you as you rifled through the various decorations you had picked up on your recent trip into town. You could never resist decorations, especially Halloween decorations.
Between the festive scented candles, candle holders, themed mugs, fake webs, and candy, your counter top was covered in your new purchases.
Your eyes drifted to the last bag as you delicately pulled it open. Lifting out the object wrapped in brown paper, you unwrapped. Smiling softly at the old book, you ran your fingers over it. It had clearly been heavily used and was obviously quite old. The cover was engraved with barely legible markings, in a language you guessed was Latin, or at least similar to it.
Flipping through the pages, your eyes scanned the various blocks of text you couldn't understand, as well as random sketched pictures ranging from plants, to weapons, and what you assume were various monsters.
When you had gone to the antique store, you didn't really intend to buy anything, but when you spotted the old book sitting on a shelf, somewhat hidden behind an old lock box, you felt almost drawn to it. For a moment it felt as though you recognized it, like it was yours, but obviously you had never seen it before.
When you picked it up, you couldn't ignore the desire to buy it that bubbled up, so you did just that. You convinced yourself it would be a good Halloween decoration, though it did cost more than the other decorations you had bought combined. Something you would be convincing yourself was a good idea for a while. Though you feared you would just end up regretting it later.
As you reached the last page of the book as you quickly flipped through it, you stopped as you saw two handwritten passages on the back cover. It was in ink but had obviously been written a long time ago.
You ran your finger over the top passage as you wondered what it was. It was written in another language, but you found yourself muttering the words out loud as best as you could.
When you finished the first passage, you felt a wave of dizziness wash over you and you closed your eyes, shaking your head softly as you opened them again. The dizziness passed, and you hummed to yourself. After a moment's thought, you figured it was because you hadn't eaten yet.
Your eyes drifted to the second passage, but before you could read it, you jolted as you heard a loud fluttering sound similar to wings coming from behind you. Looking back towards the hallway, you furrowed your brow.
'Did a bird get in?' You thought to yourself as you made your way cautiously towards where the noise had originated.
After checking every room and making sure no windows were open, you wandered back to the kitchen, no bird being found. You shook your head, thinking maybe it had just flown past the window and sounded like it was inside.
Your eyes locked on the book and you frowned, pausing in your steps. It was now shut, though you swore you hadn't closed it. As you walked back to the book, you felt goosebumps rise up your arms and neck.
Instead of opening it again, you set it up on the counter beside the cauldron candy bowl. After sparing it one more curious glance, you continued to set out the decorations, only stopping when there was a knock at your door. You grinned to yourself as you quickly padded towards the door, knowing your friends had arrived for an evening hangout.
One Halloween movie later, you all stretched and joked as Yeosang and Wooyoung argued over the next movie to be put it. San made his way to the kitchen to grab some more candy, and you heard him call out to you a moment later.
Looking back at him, you saw him assessing the old book, "What's this?"
You turned around and smiled, "Isn't it cool? I found it at an old antique shop. I thought it would make a cool decoration."
"It's creepy." Yesoang commented as he looked over to see what San had.
"That's the point." Wooyoung said with a scoff, causing Yeosang to glare at him.
Seeing San suddenly look back further into the house, you followed his line of sight. "What?"
He slowly looked back at you and shook his head a bit, "I thought I saw something."
You felt goosebumps rise up your arms again but ignored them. "I thought I heard something earlier, like a bird got in, but I couldn't find anything."
"Want me to look?"
"Sure." You said with a soft nod, watching as he made his way into the back of your house.
As you watched him disappear, you got an odd feeling in your stomach, like a knot starting to form. As you began to rise, feeling as though you should follow him, he came back out with a shrug of his shoulders.
"I didn't see anything."
"Huh." You plopped back down, feeling a bit of relief wash over you, though the knot in your stomach still remained.
"Maybe your house is haunted." Wooyoung teased making you roll your eyes.
Though, when you spared the book another glance, and your mind flashed back to it being closed when you swore you left it open, you almost believed his words.
As Yeosang put another movie in, after winning against Wooyoung in rock, paper, scissors, and San had his fill of candy choices, you tried to distract yourself from your wandering thoughts.
Your thoughts however were only distracted for a short time, as you caught onto an unfamiliar figure in the TV's reflection as the screen went black momentarily. It was only for a second, but you swore someone was standing right behind you.
Not wanting to freak yourself out, you slowly turned your head, finding that the room was empty behind you. You stared down the darkened hallway, as you felt as though you were being watched. Looking back at the book, you took in a deep breath.
"Are you sure there was nothing when you looked San?"
San looked over at you, noticing you peering back at the dark area of your house.
He frowned "Yeah I'm sure, why?"
"I don't know" You hesitated, "I just...got a weird feeling."
Yeosang had now paused the movie and he and Wooyoung looked back down the hallway as well.
San stood up tapping Wooyoung's leg, "Come on."
You looked over at them as they all stood up, "What are you doing?"
"We'll check everything, so you can feel better about it okay?"
You smiled at him as you stood up as well, "That would make me feel better."
He smiled and nodded as you all walked through the house, checking every closet and every room. Yeosang checked every door and window until you were satisfied.
You sat back on the couch with a sigh, "Maybe watching horror movies when I know I live alone isn't such a good idea." You joked, making the others chuckle.
"Or, maybe I was right." Wooyoung wiggled his eyebrows and you smacked his shoulder. "Shut up! I do not want to think about my house being haunted Woo."
He chuckled, "Sorry, sorry. I'm sure it's not, I'm just joking."
"Come on, let's put in a more lighthearted movie. That will be better right?" Yeosang asked looking at you, and you nodded with a smile, grateful he wanted you to feel more comfortable.
Even with the house fully checked, you felt uneasy when the time came for the three to go home. You knew your house was empty, you knew you were safe, but something felt...off.
San gave you a soft smile, "You gonna be okay?"
You nodded your head, "Yeah, I'll be fine." It wasn't a lie, you hoped.
Throwing away candy wrappers and washing your drinking glasses, you started to feel a bit better as your house grew quiet. As you began to sing softly to yourself, your nerves began to settle even more. You really were just riling yourself up with stupid thoughts.
Creak
Your voice went silent and your whole body froze as the door at the end of the hallway creaked open.
Looking to your left, you slowly reached over, grabbing the heavy candle holder you had bought earlier in the day. Silently, you walked to the hall and turned the light on, seeing it empty ahead of you. The door was in fact open and you felt your heart thump painfully in your chest.
You let out a shaky breath as you slowly crept down the hall, peering into every room, until you finally checked the last room, yet finding nothing once again.
You cursed to yourself as you walked back into your kitchen. Scoffing as you set the candle holder down, you grabbed the book and stared at it.
"You're not really haunted, are you?"
"Not quite."
Gasping you dropped the book as you quickly grabbed the candle holder, spinning around you saw a man standing a few feet away. Chucking the candle holder at him, he dodged it, though barely, as he was surprised by your quick movements.
You froze for a second as the man looked back at you, surprise fading into a smirk, "Good reflexes."
Quickly reaching behind you, you grabbed a knife from the counter and held it defensively.
His smirked seemed to widen, "A fighter too."
"Who are you?" You asked boldly, though there was a waver in your voice.
He quirked his brow, "Shouldn't you know? You called me here."
He could see the confusion that crossed your face and his interest continued to pique.
"What do you mean?" Your grip tightened around the handle of the knife.
Tilting his head softly, his eyes drifted to the book on the counter behind you, "That little incantation you read earlier."
You quickly glance at the book, and your eyes furrowed more, "What?"
He furrowed his brow before he scoffed, "You have magic in your veins and you aren't even aware of it."
You were as far away from the man as you could get but fully cornered in your kitchen. Eyeing the counter, you knew you were fully prepared to vault over it if needed.
"What does that mean? Who are you?" You asked again, your voice holding more force than before.
"It means you are a child of witches. No matter how far back in your bloodline, only those with magic in their blood can use that book. And you summoned me."
"S-summoned?"
Your heart pounded in your chest as your mind went wild. This guy was crazy, or maybe you were crazy. Whichever one it was, nothing was making sense.
Slowly, the man smiled, showing his bright white teeth. Bowing to you, he peered up, and as his eyes met yours you could see they were now completely black. Your heart jolted with shock as you felt locked in place.
"And to answer your other question. I am Death." Standing straight up again, you watched as his eyes faded back to brown. "But, you can call me Seonghwa. It is the name I go by with humans."
"Yeah, I'm going crazy." You muttered, staring almost blankly at him.
He tilted his head and a soft smile graced his face. "Is that easier to believe?"
"Is it easier to believe I'm going crazy over the fact that I somehow summoned Death into my house? Yeah, a bit."
He grinned at your words before he moved to walk into your living room. You followed him with your eyes, taking the moment to move out of your kitchen and to an area you could easily make a break for it if needed.
Looking around he smiled, "At least I didn't get summoned by someone who wanted to use me, or trap me. Last time that happened- Well, it didn't work out very well for him."
A shiver ran up your spine at his words, and you spoke again, your voice soft, and showing your new fear.
"Are you going to kill me?
Slowly he looked over at you, and for a moment you saw what you could only describe as dejection.
"Do you want to die?" He asked slowly, making your breath catch.
You shook your head, "No."
He smiled again and you almost felt relieved. "Then no, I am not going to kill you."
As he looked back towards your living room, you watched him pick up a piece of chocolate and eat it. You took this moment to fully take in his appearance.
His black hair perfectly matched his fully black outfit, and you couldn't deny he was gorgeous, almost ethereal even. If he wasn't a stranger claiming to be Death as he walked around your house as if he hadn't broken in, you might be flirting with him.
Looking over at you, his eyes scanned you before landing on the knife still in your hand.
"That won't do anything by the way." He commented with a casual tone.
Your eyes fell down to the knife in your hand and you held it tighter. "You say that, but it makes me feel better."
His lip quirked up slightly, "Then keep it."
You glanced over at the book and recalled everything that had happened since you bought it. Noises, shadows in the corner of your eyes, the feeling of being watched, but never finding or seeing anyone. Maybe he really was telling the truth.
"Why- what is an incantation to summon death doing written in the back of an old book?"
He shrugged "Well, it's not just an old book, its a grimoire, a spell book for witches. And it belonged to the last man who summoned me. The one who trapped me." You could hear malice in his voice as he looked back over at the book and your chest tightened.
"The one you killed?"
His eyes fell on you and his brow quirked, "How do you know I killed him?"
"You implied it. Besides, you said you were Death." You quickly answered.
His lips curled into a smile you would normally find charming if he weren't so unnerving.
"Smart too." He hummed as he turned to face you fully, his eyes scanned you up and down, as something you didn't recognize flashed in his eyes.
He started to walk slowly towards you and a shiver crawled up your spine, you backed away, and your felt your heart drop as your back hit the wall. Lifting your hand you reminded him of the knife as you gripped it, ready to fight if needed.
He stopped right in front of you and you felt your breath catch. The tip of the knife was pressed to his chest, but he didn't so much as blink.
Lifting his hand, he reached towards your face, his fingers gently caressing your cheek.
"Brave, strong-willed, smart, and beautiful."
His touch was cold, but it felt nice, and you resisted the urge to let out a sigh. The thought alone jarring you. You should be afraid, you should be yelling, running, fighting, but you weren't.
You met his eyes and you were startled by the softness he held in his gaze.
"What do you want from me?" You asked, voice soft, just above a whisper.
He tilted his head ever so slightly as he admired your face, dropping his hand.
"I was going to ask you that." Stepping away from you, he walked over to your fridge, pulling it open. "You summoned me, though I now know it was an accident. What was it you told your friend? You thought it would make a nice decoration?" You could hear a note of amusement in his tone.
You watched him rummage through your fridge as you thought back on your conversation with San. So he really had been here in the house, unseen, invisible. You recalled the reflection in the TV and you shivered.
Silently you walked back over to the book, the grimoire, as he called it. Quietly flipping through it, you wondered if every passage was a different spell. And you couldn't help but wonder, if you summoned him could you maybe do more?
You glanced back up at him, seeing him investigating your left-overs. Setting the knife down, you continued to flip to the end of the book.
Finding the last passage, the one you had summoned him with, your eyes fell to the second half, the part you had not read aloud. If the first half summoned him, perhaps the second half-
Before you could even finish your thought, you were being pressed up against the counter, hands held down at your sides, as Seonghwa's chest was pressed against your own. His nose brushed yours as his eyes held an intense gaze with yours.
"Don't." His voice was strong, but you thought you heard...panic?
"Don't what?" You asked somewhat breathlessly, still startled by his quick movements. You hadn't even seen him step away from the fridge.
"Read it."
"Why?" You asked, a challenge in your tone. You already knew you had been right, and from his reaction, he knew you knew it too.
"Because I don't want to go."
You felt your gut twist at the sudden vulnerability on his face, the tone of his voice did show fear, and almost desperation.
"Wh-why?" You asked again, your tone softer this time.
You felt his grip on your wrists loosen, but he still held you against him. Seonghwa debated telling you, what if you were secretly cruel? Just waiting for the perfect moment to get your hands back on the book? But as he studied your gaze a bit longer, he saw the genuine curiosity, and kindness peaking through, he also saw concern. For him? He felt his chest clench.
No, you weren't cruel, you were something...else. Something that intrigued him more than he could fully understand just yet.
"It's been so long since I've come here without cause or instruction, I'd like to stay. Unless you demand something of me."
"Demand?"
"You summoned me, and because of that, you have some realm of control over me. So tell me, what do you want?"
You stared into his eyes and saw various emotions coursing through them. What had others who summoned him demanded he do? He was Death, so did that mean he was summoned to kill? And who? Innocent people? Evil people? What did the man who owned the grimoire before you do to him when he trapped him?
The more you thought of these possibilities, the more you could make sense of the emotions in his gaze. He was afraid, he was angry, he was tired. He wanted to be free.
You found yourself shaking your head. "I don't want anything."
Seonghwa studied your face for a moment, his eyes grazing over your lips longer than he fully intended. He let go of your hands as he let out a breath.
You would really wish nothing of him? You had a powerful, God-like being at your beckoning, and you wanted nothing?
A smile formed on his face. "Kind too. I'll add that to the list."
You felt a smile tugging at your lips, but you pushed it away. "So can you only come here when you are summoned?"
Seonghwa smiled. So you had finally accepted he was really Death. Now, you were curious. Usually he might ignore your questions and flee, but you were, more or less, setting him free. And, something made him not want to leave, at least not quite yet.
"Or to take souls to the Underworld. But most times, I can only stay for a short time. Until my bidding is done."
"And...are you the only Death? I mean, there can't just be you, right?"
"No, there are many of us. We are demons, a type at least."
Your brow furrowed, "I thought Death was supposed to be an Angel?"
"The original one was, yes. But Angels can only handle so much death before they are tainted by it. Demons are not."
You nodded as if you understood, but you only grew more confused by the second.
"I don't know why I'm telling you this so easily." He mused, his tone holding both curiosity and amusement.
"And I don't know why I'm not freaking out."
He smiled as a soft chuckle left his mouth and as you smiled in return, he felt his heart skip a beat. As he studied you his gaze almost became playful.
You felt your ears and neck growing hot, "What?" You asked, uncertain what to do under his gaze.
A smirk formed on his face, "I like you." He said matter-of-factly.
You could no longer ignore the heat that had risen up your neck, or the way your heart pounded in your chest. How and why did he make you feel like this, when you had been terrified not too long ago?
Before you could respond, you heard a knock on your door, causing you to flinch out of surprise.
Seonghwa glanced towards your door before he looked back at you. He tried to ignore the disappointment that filled his chest as you looked away from him. He hated interruptions.
"Your friend is back."
You looked from the door to him and he motioned his head for you to go. You slowly walked away, leaving the kitchen, and his line of sight, still uneasy due to his previous actions. He wasn't going to do anything to whoever was at the door was he?
Peeping out of the window, you saw San bouncing on his feet outside your door. You rose your brow as you wondered how Seonghwa had known it was one of your friends. And why were you referring to him as Seonghwa like you knew him??
As you disappeared from his sight Seonghwa looked down at the grimoire before picking it up. It really could do you good, if you learned more about your magic. But, as long as that incantation was in the back, he couldn't let you have it. Not if you might change your mind about letting him stay.
He could hear you answer the door, and knew you wouldn't say anything about his presence. If you did, you would just sound crazy, and he wouldn't be here to prove that wrong.
"Hey! I left my phone in the living room." San said as soon as you opened the door, before he rushed inside "I gotta get it before Wooyoung drives off without me."
"Oh, I can get it!"
He chuckled "That's okay, I'll be quick!" He called back as he headed past the kitchen where Seonghwa was.
You followed him, fear spiking through you, what would Seonghwa do? What would San do? As you rounded the corner, you saw San grabbing his phone from the table, while the kitchen was empty, Seonghwa no where in sight. Your eyes landed on the counter and your heart jumped. He had taken the book.
San grinned at you, "Got it! Sorry, I'll talk to you tomorrow okay?!" He called as he jogged out of the house and towards Wooyoung's car as he sat impatiently out front.
You looked around, wondering where Seonghwa had gone. Had he really left? You walked swiftly through your house and didn't find him. He had taken the book and vanished. Of course he would. That was the smart thing to do.
Your thoughts swam for a moment as your eyes stared blankly at where the book had been.
Why wouldn't he leave? I didn't command him to do anything and he just wanted to be free. And he took the book...because I could use it to send him back to...well wherever it was he came from.
You knew he was smart for taking the book, but why did he leave? And why did your chest ache because of it? Was he going to come back? Or was that the first and last time you would meet the black haired demon? Would you see him again years down the road when you die? Were you really descended from witches?
Thoughts plagued you as you sat on the couch. How had your day gone from so normal, to so earth-shatteringly complicated in the span of a few hours?
Slowly, without really noticing, you started to sink lower into the couch as your mind slowed, exhaustion from the adrenaline of your evening. Giving into it, mind foggy, you lied down, accepting sleep as it washed over you.
Maybe this was all a dream, and I've been asleep the whole time.
That was the last coherent thought that crossed your mind. So lost in the fog of sleep, you could barely register the sound of wings fluttering nearby, or the sound of footsteps approaching you. The soft caress of fingertips across your cheek might have shocked you if your mind had been more alert.
As your body became weightless, you stirred for only a moment before you drifted into a deep sleep.
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When you woke the next morning the thoughts of the previous night rushed to your mind. There was no way that actually happened, right?
You sat up and looked down at yourself. You had never changed into your pajamas. In fact, you had fallen asleep on the couch, not in your bed. So, how were you in your bedroom now?
The image of Seonghwa appeared in your mind and your chest tightened.
It wasn't a dream, was it?
Walking out into your living room, your eyes scanned the room, before landing on the kitchen counter. Walking over you found the candle-holder you had thrown now sitting on the edge of the table. And the spot where you had placed the book was empty.
Would he come back? Should you wait?
No. No, I have a life, I can't sit and wait around for Death.
The sudden thought almost made you laugh. The thought would be more profound if it weren't a person you were referring too.
Deciding to get dressed and go to work, you tried not to focus on all of the new thoughts and questions plaguing your mind. But you found very little to distract yourself with. All day you looked around expecting to see Seonghwa watching you. Every time you heard the sound of a bird fly past your eyes darted around.
Was it just your mind that made you so paranoid? When every time you felt like you were being watched, or that someone was behind you even though no one was there. Was it just you? Or was it really him?
You weren't sure why, but you kept yourself so busy with work you stayed late. Then you decided to run errands that didn't even need to be done.
It was all because you were afraid to go home. But why, is what confused you. It wasn't that you were afraid he would show up, it was that you wanted him too.
You should be terrified, but you just wanted to know more. More about what or who he is. More about yourself and magic.
Was it morbid curiosity? Was it attraction to some form of darkness you didn't understand?
You hated that you couldn't sort your thoughts out. And all you felt was exhaustion by the time you finally got home. You ran out of things to keep you away, so you gave in.
As you stepped into your quite house, you looked around, checking each room casually before you let out a sigh and wandered over to the fridge.
He took the book, he is free to do what he wants, he's not coming back. Why would he?
Leaning down to look through the fridge, your whole body froze as the sound of fluttering wings came from behind you. Slowly, you stood up, before turning to peer over your shoulder.
You knew what you were going to see, but your heart still jumped as you set eyes on Seonghwa. He stared at you from across the room, a small smile on his face.
Slowly turning around, you closed the fridge as you stared at him in silence for a moment.
"And here I was beginning to wonder if you were ever real at all." You mumbled, trying to steady your heavy beating heart.
His small smile widened but he stayed silent.
Your eyes wandered to where the book had been and you met his eyes. "Wanted to make sure I couldn't send you back?"
He glanced to the kitchen counter and for a second you thought you saw guilt cross his face before he shrugged his head.
"Yes. Honestly I should have gotten rid of it last time, but I had no idea the incantation was written in the book itself."
"You could have just asked." You mumbled almost under your breath, and he noted the mild offense in your tone.
He looked you up and down and took a step closer before tilting his head. "Are you saying you wouldn't have done it?"
You laced your hands together behind your back as you kept eye contact with him. You walked away from the fridge and around the counter to face him straight on.
"I don't know. I'm still struggling to understand if this is all real or-"
"Or if you're going crazy?"
You nodded slowly as he finished your thought. Suddenly, he began walking towards you, you hesitated, only stepping back as he nearly ran into you. You let out a soft gasp as your back hit the wall.
You met his eyes in mild panic and uncertainty, but he simply stared into your eyes with a soft smile. His forehead nearly brushed yours as he got closer. Slowly, he lifted his hand and brushed his knuckles against the side of your face before cupping your cheek.
"Do you feel that?"
Your voice had vanished, but you nodded.
His other hand rubbed against your own before he laced his fingers through yours and held your hand.
"And that?"
You nodded again, your heart pounding so hard you were sure he could feel it himself.
He smiled before he slowly removed his hand and took a step back, "Then this is real, and you are not crazy"
Opening your mouth, you hesitated for second before you finally found your voice again. "Why did you come back?"
He stared at you for a moment before raising his brow.
"You took the book, I can't send you back, you're free to stay, just like you wanted. So why did you come back here?"
He kept his eyes locked with yours in silence for a moment before he hummed under his breath.
"I wondered that too, and I can come to only one conclusion."
You waited in silence, questioning him with your gaze. Your breath caught as he leaned forward again, closing the distance he had just put between you.
Seonghwa brought his face next to yours, as his breath tickled your ear.
"I want you."
Your eyes widened as you took in his words, but before you could respond a gust of air and the sound of fluttering wings caused you to flinch and blink in surprise. As you opened them again, he was gone, as though he had never been there at all.
You let out a staggered breath as the tension in your body released.
Taking everything in, you felt dizzy from the amount of thoughts passing through your head. But all of it came crashing down as you let out a bewildered breath and the only thing you could truly muster.
"What the fuck."
xx End xx
{Part Two}
Series Taglist Open
General Taglist: @otsilliak, @brattybunfornct, @bahng-chrizz, @otakutrash669
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pettydollie · 4 months
Text
"'m not good at this"
chris, your boyfriend of a few weeks mumbled across the table from you. he'd never been on a date before, but finally decided to take you out. he played with the paper from his straw, avoiding eye contact with you.
you smiled sweetly and wrapped your legs around his from underneath the table. he giggled as he looked up at you. you sighed for a moment before leaning forward slightly. "i've.. never been on a date either." you whispered, grinning shyly.
his jaw dropped open playfully, causing you to chuckle. "naa, c'mon, you've never been on a date before??" he scoffed in disbelief
you raised your eyebrows. "heyyyy, what does that mean?" you whine. "you think 'm a slut or sumthin'?" you fake-pouted, folding your arms jokingly.
he shook his head. "no.. yer just real pretty, that's all." he looked down at the table, pretending to read the menu to hide his bashfulness. you were loving this adorable side of him that you haven't seen very often.
you failed trying to hide your bubbly grin and lightly rubbed his hand that was resting on the table. "what else?" you spoke softly, playing with his fingers like a small baby.
he chuckled, daring to look at your gorgeous face. "mm, you're incredibly funny, you're such a sweetheart, you're always honest, you make me feel good about myself... do you want me to keep going? cause we have all day." he giggled, watching your expression shift.
he was different from the other boys who tried to ask you out, you could tell. he wrote a handwritten letter to you because he was too nervous to express his romantic thoughts infront of you. after receiving it, you giggled and squealed like a little girl once you saw him again and wrapped your arms tightly around his, screaming "yes!"
a waitress stepped towards your table, catching your guys' attention. "hi, my name is candace-" chris grinned childishly "your other server ended her shift early, so i'll be taking over. are you guys ready to order?" she asked politely, holding her notepad tightly.
you hummed, looking down at the menu. "sure, i'll have-"
"a ___ for the lady and mm, a spicy chicken sandwich for me please." chris smiled up at the woman as she nodded and walked away.
your mouth formed an upside down smile and you tapped your hands on the table. "how'd you know? i didn't even tell you." he shrugged. "yea you did. on the way here, you told me you were in the mood for it."
you pulled your lips in for a second before looking away again.
"you're nice." you chirped bluntly, playing with his fingers again like it was the most interesting thing in the world. he let out a breath, smirking slightly.
"yeah, yeah.." he cheesed, hiding his face into his arm.
as soon as chris said in the new vid that he'd never been on a date, i knew i had to write abt it
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