#stories of survival! okay so uplifting actually | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

picnokinesis · 4 months

Text

thirteenth doctor and spymaster fic recs

all clear by wreckageofstars (8k, 1 chapter, thoschei/gen) summary: London’s on fire, the Doctor’s trapped in her own head, and only her worst enemy can save her. //I know I literally always rec this author in these lists, I know, but like if you've read these fics, you'll know I'm justified because they are all just brilliant. This one is no exception. The doctor and the master are so wonderfully on point, with this antagonistic push and pull between them both, whilst they both desperately try and avoid the fact that they actually still care deeply for one another - but they also hate each other's guts at the same time! And the master is there to cause problems on purpose whilst the doctor is an absolute mess post-Orphan 55 and making everything worse. An absolute joy of a fic.

the gardener by riptheh (6k, 1 chapter, thoschei/gen) summary: The Master kills because it's all he has left. Until it's not. //I had a reaaaally hard time picking fics for this post, because there are so many fics with thirteen and spymaster that I absolutely adore - but I knew from the get go that this one had to be on here, come what may. It's much more of a character study focused on the master than anything else, but of course anything about the master is also about the doctor - and it's such a beautiful exploration of the master and his relationship with death (and then, life). Just absolutely gorgeous - and surprisingly uplifting by the end? Anyway. This fic got me good, so definitely make sure you check it out.

the art of dying by lupescx (10k, 4 chapters, thoschei) summary: The Master resurfaces into the Doctor's life only to die—one burst of regeneration energy and he's back on his feet. And then he dies again. And again. She can't keep doing this. //The title might have clued you in, but this one is angsty. Extremely angsty. But, wow, it's absolutely brilliant! What a fantastic exploration of the doctor and the master pushed to their absolute limits and unable to escape from an awful, inevitable cycle. It is pretty dark in places (actually a lot of these fics are, so always heed the tags!) but if that's your jive then this story is just such a treat. Highly recommend!

The Frayed by luchia (90k, 16 chapters, thoschei, wip) summary: The TARDIS recruits a rescue team for the Doctor after the Judoon take her away, and the Master really shouldn't go. Particularly if it includes having to hang around a freakish temporal monstrosity like Jack Harkness. Then again, what does he have to lose? He could die, sure, but that means nothing when he always (always always always) comes back, whether he wants to or not. //Okay so, in my humble opinion, this fic is some of the best spymaster characterisation that I've ever seen across the entire fandom. It's exceptional - the prose is just so full of character, brilliantly unreliable and just so SO fascinating and painful in equal measure (can you tell that I like angst? I love angst so much). And also just the imaginativeness of the story itself is absolutely incredible? There's some fantastic things in there about gallifreyan as a language and Time Lord culture and TARDISes - and, of course, the doctor and the master are completely awful in the best kind of way. And if the word count looks too much for you - consider just reading chapter 16. Yep. Just that one. Like, that rewrote my brain. I read it three times the day that it posted, and I've lost count of how many times I've read it since then. So, like, please. But also you should really really read the entire thing because it's brilliant

Ust-Kut by yonderdarling (1k, 1 chapter, thoschei) summary: Unfortunately, the Master survived. Unfortunately, he finds her TARDIS. Unfortunately, he wants to talk. //Okay. So, this fic? Is possibly one of my favourite spydoc fics ever. And you might be thinking "but, taka, it's only 1k, how can it be?" - well, trust me, it just can. Short but sweet but an absolute gut-punch at the same time. Such a fascinating look at the relationship between these two, the push and pull and the knife edge that they're both on all the time - and it's so tactile? I think that's what gets me about it, if I'm honest. Anyway, absolutely beautiful writing - succinct, but boy, does every word count. It's just so so good, guys.

and without you (is how i disappear) by empty_of_dust (4k, 1 chapter, thoschei) summary: “It’s simple,” she says, impassive, like she’s not holding their very history at knife-point. “Start talking, or I start cutting.” //So, funny story, this author only started posting spydoc fic about a year ago, but oh my word, my guys, they are insanely good. They just get these two in a way that drives me absolutely feral, and their writing style is such a joy to read. I was extremely torn on which fic of theirs to rec, but I settled on this one in the end. The sheer concept of it is absolutely brilliant and gut-wrenching in the most spydoc way ever: a mid-s12 doctor uses the history between her and the master as a bargaining tool to get him to tell her what he discovered in the matrix, blood and biting including. But, yknow. just do yourself a favour and read this author's entire body of work because it is extremely worth it. You won't regret it, I'm sure.

i only speak in silences by daring_elm (2k, 1 chapter, gen) summary: The Doctor can't just leave the Master behind, so she sends him a hologram. //do you ever get a fic that you forget exists, and then you find it again and go OHHHH THIS ONE??? That was me with this fic (and, honestly, this author, who has a ton of great stuff that you should all check out). We all know that the doctor and the master are awful at communicating, but this fic is such a wonderful exploration of it - of the ways that they refuse to be vulnerable with each other, the ways that they are so angry with each other, but also can't help but be drawn back to each other all at the same time. An absolute cracker!

awake and unafraid (asleep or dead) by SleepyMaddy (5k, 1 chapter, thoschei) summary: The Doctor has trouble sleeping. The Master, in typical fashion, makes it worse. //There are so many fics by this author that I could recommend on a post like this, but a spydoc rec post has got to have at least one fic on there that plays with O/13, because it's just such brilliant, painful angst in the softest way. And there are a great many fics that explore it, but this one just takes the cake. Impeccable s12 angst wrapped up in o/13 softness, complete with thirteen making terrible decisions for literally the entire thing. Absolutely astounding writing, beautifully in character and just so painful in the best kind of way. This one killed me, guys. It killed me.

chaos theory by BlueLillyBlue (61k, 11 chapters, gen, wip) summary: The TARDIS has crash-landed in England, 2019, and the Doctor is acting cagey. Also, spacetime might be collapsing. So... Yaz's week isn't off to a great start. //Ohhhh man ok ok. This fic. Is a goldmine. This author is just absolutely SPOT ON with how they write thirteen, and their plots are just an absolute delight and tick soooo many boxes for me. They always make the world they're writing in feel so rich and real, whether that's a starving community on a frozen moon or a hotel in Cornwall. But this one is just so up my street because the master is in it, and oh my GOODNESS guys, it's just - it's just so, so good. If you haven't been following this one along already, then get going on that, stat!

together, we average out to dry land by hawkeishest (1k, 1 chapter, thoschei) summary: If she thought about it, really, this was all Ryan’s fault. He was the one who’d touched the statue. Though, to be fair to him, she should have known the temple would have some kind of psychic defence system. And now her head felt like it was cracking open. //I feel like most people have read this one because it's such a classic, but for anyone who missed it or is new to the fandom - this one is a must read. Absolutely fantastic exploration of the doctor and the master's psychic abilities and the connection between them, written with the most gorgeous descriptions. Just brilliant. Go check it out!

93 notes · View notes

roguelov · 11 days

Note

okay I know we all love romantic DreamxHobxYoung!Immortal!Reader, BUT I saw a tiktok recently that gave me an idea. the video said something like "immortal character taking in magical character who has been rejected by their family and community and becoming their parental figure"

maybe it's a situation similar to jjk, where geto adopted those 2 girls who were being abused by their village for being sorcerers.

they don't have to be an actual kid though, they could be older since they'd still be wayyy younger than dream and hob lol

just dream and hob taking in this person who's been rejected by everyone and taking care of them and stuff (platonic soulmates maybe?)

(I have like a whole story about this in my head, but it includes yet another fandom so I'll leave it at this😅🤭)

Oh my god my heart my baby heart loves this so much 🥹🥰 found family? I’m sold I’m here for it

You were ostracized by your community by a young age, you were gifted with an affinity for magic and labeled a menace. You drifted along by yourself for a while mostly surviving until you crossed paths with a gentleman with a kind smile. Hob instantly knew you were in need, you had this broken and almost feral look in your eyes. It reminded him of his time after his family died and his town believed him to be a witch.

After some coaxing, he brought you to the New Inn and gave you a warm meal. And since then you always found yourself there. Maybe at first you tried to stay away, believing you are a monster. Your magic was wild, chaotic, and impossible to control no matter the effort you put into learning it. However, you enjoyed Hob’s company and he made you feel safe. And eventually, you met Dream.

Maybe you never told Hob and Dream your secret and past, but one day while in the Dreaming your magic spills out. It nearly toppled over the castle, and you tried to flee afterwards. But, Dream and Hob found you in Fiddler’s Green. Tears streaming down your face, you blurted out everything. You told them what people called you, your eternal life doomed to be alone given your cursed magic, how -

Hob will immediately cut you off, “No one is cursed to be alone.”

Hob and Dream will pour into how they will not leave you, how you aren’t alone anymore, and how they will do everything they can to help you.

“The Dreaming can be your home, you are always welcomed here,” Dream will say.

And you will stay. You will stay because you love it here and everyone - Dream, Hob, Lucienne, Matthew, Marv, Cain and Abel, Goldie - are your family.

Now here’s some snippets I think would be lovely:

Dream and Hob trying to help you control your magic but results in them being knocked around (more so in the beginning)

Dream will be your biggest teacher and supporter when learning your magic and may find some artifacts to help control (maybe he’ll make you a ruby necklace to contain some of your magic)

Hob will share stories of his past both the good and the bad

If you want a normal life in the Waking, Hob will gladly let you work at the inn

If you have nightmares especially of your past, Dream will be there to comfort you and apologize not meaning to upset you

Once you can control your magic, you will excitedly show off to Dream and Hob and they are so happy and proud of you

Dream and Hob will see a new light in your eyes that makes their heart feel so at ease

Just Dream and Hob becoming your home and them uplifting you constantly

#the sandman #morpheus #dream of the endless #robert gadling #hob gadling #morpheus x reader #dream of the endless x reader #hob Gadling x reader #hob x reader #Morpheus x reader x hob #Dream x reader x hob #x reader #platonic reader #anon #ask

27 notes · View notes

ilargizuri · 9 months

Text

Stark Timeline in TWOW

Okay, I am still working on my "Three in One" - theory it is just that I have to write a Part of the Theory where Daeny comes into play and I really don't like her Chapters that much. So I tend to avoid reading them, which now comes back at me, because I have to find my "Quotes" for my reasoning and it is difficult when you know they were written you just don't remember where!

So I read all of Daenerys's Chapters again and they are as boring and frightening as they were during my first read. I know why I avoid them, not even the Others are that scary to me. So after I am now done with the Astapor Part in ASOS I needed something to cheer me up, sorry when you have to reread the Death Sentence for children who even look over twelve, because I doubt the Unsullied checked the Age by asking their victim for their Age, even then, most would have lied only to survive. But yes after that I needed something that is uplifting to me.

So I checked some of the Hashtags which I follow and stumbled upon @agentrouka-blog Resurrection theory about Jon being in a magical Coma. First thank you for that Hashtag it really cheered me up.

So I wondered how will everything work for the Stark Kids in the North. So I made a Timeline with that Theory in my Head.

I will start with the Reason why I think that could happen. 1. GRRM said Daenerys's Fire-Sacrifice to awaken the Dragons was a once in a Lifetime Event 2. When Mirri Maaz Duur actually killed Drogo's Horse she was not supposed to resurrect him but to save him from a guaranteed Death so seeing something similar with a different outcome is more likely to happen than a Funeral-Resurrection 3. I don't think Shireen will be killed for him, mostly because if Shireens Death will happen as a Sacrifice that is pointless, don't ask me why but I have a feeling Shireen's sacrifice will be more important to Melissandres Story than to Jon's. 4. We know enough about the Magic of the Lord of Fire, it is time that we see a little more about Bran's and Bloodravens Magic and the Magic of the Children of the Forest a.k.a. the Magic of the Old Gods. Beyond Time-Travel I mean. 5. Melissandre will leave the North at some Point and travel South, it is possible that she joins Euron during his War. I mean if we can believe the Vision of Aeron during the Sample Chapter, there will be a woman who is connected to Fire by Eurons Side at some Point and Daenerys is still not in Westeros and most likely won't be until a Dream of Spring, which leaves Cersei and Melissandre to be that Woman. So if Cersei is Eurons opponent for the Iron Throne, that leaves Melissandre for that Role.

So now to the timeline: Let's start with Jon, first he wargs into Ghost and somehow escapes his prison in Jon's Chambers. He finds his Body in the chaos that is currently happening and realizes, he is not dead yet, but he will be if he doesn't find someone who takes care of his Body. So he gets Melissandre who with the Help of some of Jon's Friends who are still alive in the Books and at the Wall with him. takes care of his Body. She KNOWS that Jon's Body is alive, but she pretends that he was dead and that she brought him back with the Help of the Lord of Light. In the Meantime Jon switches between his Body where he can hear Bran's Voice in his Head and has weird Dreams and Ghost's Body. At some point, he wakes up and thanks to some Bloodmagic, for which Melissandre used one of his Eyes, his Body is better healed than normally. But he still needs time for recovering.

Okay to Sansa who has at least 3-4 Chapters in the Vale, where the Tournament takes Place. In the end, it is most likely that she realizes that Littlefinger wants to marry her himself, most likely after she and Harry married and she is pregnant with his Child. She decides that she has finally enough of that bullshit, that she won't marry another old man (remember she found Lord Beric Dondadrrion old and he was only 22 in the Books by that time) and will head towards the North, to the Wall where Jon is. She will travel via Boat over the three Sisters to White Harbour where she will get her dying Horse and meet with Jon somewhere between Castle Black and Winterfell, most likely Queenscrown. Important to note: We have very bad Weather Conditions for travelling, so by the Time Sansa makes it that far into the North, many weeks probably Months have passed. So Jon is most likely so far healed that he can travel to Winterfell.

Davos will most likely find Rikkon halfway through TWOW and decide not to travel back to White Harbour via boat, because for safety reasons, the Sea is too dangerous for safe travel, especially with a Child like Rikkon. So he instead takes Rikkon to the Wall and travels with him and Osha to Castle Black and from there towards Winterfell. He will be behind Jon, but they will meet the two eldest Starks somewhere near Queenscrown, most likely because Jon takes Sansa on his own Horse because her Horse did die. Rikkon won't recognize Jon or Sansa because he was to young when they parted. But Shaggy Dog will remember Ghost, which is the Reason that Rikkon will ultimately accept Jon and Sansa as his Siblings, although reluctantly.

The three Starks arrive at Winterfell, now to the Reason why Jon started to travel there. It is because of Galbart Glover, Maege Mormont, Howland Reed and Jeyne Westerling who not only brought Robb's Will with them but also Ned Starks Bones, who they want to burry in the Crypts of Winterfell. They started to Travel to Winterfell when they heard that Stannis defeated the Boltons.

The following Events I think will be like that: Jon refuses to accept Robb's Will because he knows Robb wrote that believing that Bran and Rikkon are dead. They are not and he won't take away their Birthright. During or after Ned Starks Funeral Howland Reed tells Jon about his Mother and that he is the son of Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyanna Stark, supposedly in Secret, but he is overheard and the Story makes the round.

The Lords want to punish him simply for being a Targaryen Bastard (we are talking about Howland Reed, he knows about Lyanna having a Baby and the Whole World believes she was kidnapped and raped by Rhaegar as we learned in AGOT, just because Howland KNOWS about Jons Birth and who his Parents are, doesn't mean he knows if or if not they were married) and now Rikkon comes into play, that Boy has a serious Trauma about his whole Family being killed and/or leaving him behind. There is no way a Child-Lord like that will allow to happen anything against the Person everyone told him until now is his Brother, even if he doesn't remember him, Shaggydog trusts him and Sansa, so Rikkon will not allow anything to happen to Jon. But the Lords in the North won't trust him, a Targaryen Bastard supposed deserter of the Nights Watch.

Now Sansa comes into play, because not only is she a very compassionate character, but Jon also is in a similar position as she was during her time in Kings Landing, which will be the Reason she and Jon start a connection beyond their relationship of Foster-Siblings.

As for Bran, I think he still is in the Cave under the Weirwood Tree in the North for most of the time and the "Hold the Door" - Moment comes when he arrives at the Wall with the Others and their undead Army who follow him. The Door, Hodor is meant to be holding is there and most likely he will succeed and prevent the Others from invading Westeros before they do so in A Dream of Spring, when the North defeats them for good this time.

So that is how I think the Envents in TWOW will happen around the Starks Kids, except for Arya. I think she will arrive at Winterfell together with Bran which will be in A Dream of Spring, her Storyline is about returning to Westeros meeting up and defeating her undead Mother and then starting her Journey back to Winterfell.

#asoiaf speculation #jon snow #sansa stark #rikkon stark #my thoughts #long post #jonsa kind of

34 notes · View notes

tiffanygrayslife · 2 years

Text

I Met a Little Angel

This is a story I’ve shared across various social media platforms, and my hope is that it will someday be seen by the right people.

So, my family and I often take trips to North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, because we own a condo down there with a few other families. One of my favorite things to do at the beach is go to karaoke. I love to sing, so my family takes me to different karaoke places. One place in particular we often go is called Duck Dive. It's a small bar, and karaoke takes place on a small deck area outside. It's such a nice, laidback environment. Everyone is so nice, and the food is awesome.

The first time we went was a few years ago on Memorial Day, and I had an experience there that still makes me very emotional to this day. After I sang one of my songs, a lady came to the table to introduce herself, and talk to me about my singing. Her name was Kathy, and she was so sweet and easy to talk to. I'm Autistic and struggle with depression and anxiety, so talking to new people is usually very difficult for me. However, I felt immediate comfort around this lady. As we talked, in her arms, she was holding her 3-year-old granddaughter, Bristol, and she introduced her to me. I took one look at Bristol, and I thought she was the most beautiful little girl I'd ever seen. I don't know what it was about her. I guess I felt her aura. I don't know, but she was special.

Kathy and I talked about music, and she told me about her family. One of her daughters, Brittany, was one of the karaoke singers that had gotten up to sing once. She sang a Miranda Lambert song, and she was INCREDIBLE! AMAZING voice! It turned out she was Bristol's mother.

I never actually got to talk to Brittany, but Kathy told me about how when she was Bristol's age, she had cancer. The doctors didn't think she'd survive, but she did. They told her she wouldn't be able to have any children, but she ended up having three—two boys and of course, her youngest, Bristol. I was truly touched by her story. It was inspiring to me how she beat the odds, and more than once!

As the night went on, Bristol continued to touch my heart with her adorableness and her sweet actions. For example, when her mother got up to sing again, she stood next to her, and at one point, she hummed a little into the microphone. It was so cute, and it made me smile! There were things that I didn't see that my mother pointed out to me later. I'm also visually impaired, so I can't always see what's going on around me. Anyway, there was a couple there who are now good friends of ours, and they had two little dogs with them. Bristol went over to pet and play with the dogs. Mom also told me that Bristol came up to our table twice just to smile... AT ME! I wish I would've seen that, because if I did, I would've returned the smile and thanked her. I also remember when I was talking to Kathy later on, I felt someone behind me, and I think it was Bristol. Maybe she was looking at or playing with my hair. But, the moment that touched me the most was when her mother was singing a duet with Jessy, the KJ, and one of her family members was holding her during the song. I remember looking right at her, and making eye contact with her. One of my Autistic traits is difficulty making eye contact. It makes me so uncomfortable and anxious, but not with Bristol. It was almost as if she was communicating telepathically to me, trying to send love and light my way. At the time, my depression was kicking my butt, and it's almost as if she was saying, "Everything will be okay." I almost broke down crying. I don't know what it was about her that touched me so much, but it was a powerful feeling. It was like her aura filled up and lit up the entire place. I could tell many people were enamored and moved by her, not just me. That night was so uplifting. Being in her presence, I felt as if I was in the presence of an angel. Her grandmother, Kathy, was also a very uplifting presence, someone I felt like I could open up to, and be myself around. She was a devout Christian, but not one of those pushy, self-righteous Christians. She was kind, caring, and like Bristol, radiated so much love and light.

At the very end of the night, I sang "You Raise Me Up" by Celtic Woman (my all-time favorite group), and I dedicated the song to Bristol. I don't know if she heard me when I said the song was for her, but I hope that made her smile, just like she did for me.

What really hurts, though, is that I never got to say goodbye. We had to rush out of there for some reason. I guess everyone was just ready to go home, but I never got to say goodbye to Bristol or Kathy. I did give Kathy my contact info, but I never got hers. I never got a chance to ask. I never got a chance to even take a picture with her or Bristol, so I'd at least have something physical and visual I could look at to remember that night. I never received any friend requests from Kathy. I have no idea where she and Brittany and Bristol are. I don't even know their last names (and I wouldn't disclose that publicly, even if I did). As we were leaving, I could've sworn I heard Bristol shouting "bye" to us, and I remember how that ripped my heart out. After we left, I had such a nasty feeling that I would never see them again. When we got back to the condo, I finally broke down crying. While it was a very uplifting experience, it was also very painful to leave without any true closure or true exchange of contact information, so I could at least stay in touch with them. It was almost as if I came out of the light and back into darkness, wanting so badly to turn back, but not knowing how.

When we went back to Duck Dive a few weeks later, we learned that they came there a year before around the same time. One of the waitresses also said that they were from around Charlotte, North Carolina, but she didn’t know anything else about them. Every time I went back to the place, I always hoped I would see them again. We decided to arrange to come back the following Memorial Day to see if they would be there again. My amazing grandfather made a special trip just for me, so we could maybe see them again. On Memorial Day, we went to Duck Dive again, and we waited... and waited... and waited... all night... and they never showed up. I was absolutely heartbroken, and I felt so bad for wasting so much of Granddad's time, as well as his gas, since it was a long drive to the beach, and not to mention imposing on our friend who allowed us to stay at his place, since we couldn't stay at the condo that weekend.

Here's one thing you have to know about me. Another one of my Autistic traits is super-sensitivity. I feel things very deeply. I also have a hard time making and maintaining friendships. Connecting with people is hard and scary for me, so when I come across someone I feel an instant connection with, it's so rare, and I actually feel motivated to make an effort in building a friendship with that person. I felt that instant connection with Kathy, and I wanted to build a friendship with her. I don't want kids, because I know that being a mother would be way too stressful for me, but I felt a connection with Bristol. Not a motherly connection, especially since she already has an incredible mother, but maybe more like a big sister or auntie sort of connection. All I want to do is to constantly remind her to always stay true to herself. Hold onto that sweetness and that beautiful spirit of hers. Never, ever let anyone try to change her, no matter how hard they try. I guess I was so moved by her purity, innocence, and beautiful heart that I wanted to protect her from the cruelty of this world somehow, or at least tell her to keep that inner beauty of hers protected and a part of her through it all. I also wanted her to know what a special and wonderful little girl she is, and how she makes me smile just by being herself.

I wrote a song for her, and my amazing friend, Adam Smith, wrote and recorded this beautiful music for it. The song is called simply "A Song for Bristol." It's my message to her to always stay true to herself, be kind even when others are unkind to her, always hold onto what makes her so special, and let the world see how awesome she is. I wanted to give her and Kathy a CD with that song, or at least play it for them. I never got to, but I pray to God I will someday.

For the longest time, I’ve been battling with my heart and my mind over this. My head kept telling me to let them go. Accept that I will never see them again, but my heart kept telling me to keep looking. Don’t give up. It was like they were fighting constantly, and I’m like, “Hey, Tom! Jerry! Would you two shut the hell up already?!” I tried for so long to listen to my head, and force myself to let them go, but I just couldn’t. I’ve talked to my family about this, so many of my friends, and even my therapist. They could all tell how much this affected me, and most of them encouraged me to keep looking. Most of them, including my therapist, believe whole-heartedly that I will find these people again. The turning point came when one incredible friend pointed out that meeting these people saved my life. This friend has seen me go through so much heartache and pain, and she said that these people made a huge difference in my life. Another friend recited the lyrics to the chorus of Celtic Woman’s rendition of “When You Believe” to me. Those two made me realize that seeing Kathy and Bristol again wasn’t just something I’d really love. It wasn’t an “obsession.” It was a dream of mine, and I am a strong believer in not giving up on your dreams. So, I have decided I’m going to keep looking, until I just can’t anymore. As soon as I made that decision, a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I realized just how detrimental to my mental health it was for me to force myself to let go of something I obviously didn’t want to. My friend, Shanny, AKA Shanny Bananny on YouTube, posted a video on her channel with the hashtag #LongLostFriend, to help spread my story in hopes that iw will be seen and heard by the right people. My therapist was the one who suggested contacting Delilah about it. So, maybe she can help me get this story out somehow. If so, that would mean so much to me.

Kathy, wherever you are, thank you for being so wonderful to me that night. I still remember. Brittany, I never got to meet you directly, but you were AMAZING! I LOVE your singing voice, and your story is so inspiring! Good for you for defying those odds, and being the boss of your life, not the stupid cancer. Cancer can go pound sand for all I care! And, Bristol, never, ever stop being the amazing person you are. Always stay true to yourself. This world is full of people who will try to change you, hurt you, and break your spirit. DON'T LET THEM! Kill them with your kindness instead, and keep being your awesome self! I miss you guys so much, and I pray I will see you again someday! I hope I do, because I want to give all of you big fluffy sweater hugs!

#LongLostFriend #Autism #ActuallyAutistic #Friendship #Love

0 notes

battlships · 3 years

Text

Hello friends it’s 5am and I want to talk about a few things: Jewish Bucky, Steve the golem, and the importance of Sam and Bucky’s dynamic. This is gonna get long so I’ll put a cut in at some point

okay so Bucky in the MCU is based off two characters, Bucky Barnes, Captain America's sidekick and Arnie Roth, Steve Rogers' childhood best friend who saved him from bullies growing up. Arnie is gay and Jewish (Roth is a very typical Jewish name without being a stereotype). Remember these characters were all originally created by Jews and names are very important in Jewish culture. Now, Steve is a character who was metatextually created by Jewish writers to fight the Nazis (and therefore protect the Jewish people). A golem is a being created from clay to protect the Jews in times of trouble. There's a whole extra thing about truth and death that i can get into at another point BUT that's not super important right now because Steve is a different kind of golem.

Steve obviously is also his own character within the context of the story, so he's a metaphorical golem. The writers created him to fight the Nazis like I said... but textually he's also a golem, "created" in a sense by the Jewish scientist Abraham Erskine... to fight the nazis and protect the Jews. Futhermore, while it's a different kind of star to not be quite so obvious, the Hebrew words for "star of David" is "magen david" or "shield of David" and what does Steve fight with?

A shield. With a star. And he uses that shield to save his Jewish best friend from the Nazis.

(Side note, Jewish prisoners were more likely to be selected for experimentation, which is what was happening to Bucky when Steve found him.)

So now that we've gotten all of that established, let's talk about why it's so important that Sam isn't give the super soldier serum (in canon, please have fun with all your fics and headcanons) but Bucky is. Bucky was held captive by a fictional group of people that started off with the Nazis and have since morphed into something different, something possibly more dangerous, because it's hidden. He was held captive and tortured by Neo-Nazis. (I hope I don’t need to explain that Soviet Russia was also not a big fan of the Jews.) He was also forced to do terrible things to survive, something with which many white Jews have to reckon.

Bucky ultimately can’t be held responsible for his actions by any law, but he is morally held responsible and takes it upon himself to make amends. This is a very Jewish concept of forgiveness (not to say it doesn’t exist in other cultures). According to Jewish law, a person can’t be granted forgiveness by G-d unless they’ve truly and genuinely undergone “teshuvah” or “repentance”. This means a sincere attempt at making amends to the person you’ve wronged, or to their family. I don’t know if the FAWS team knew what they were doing here, but honestly kudos either way.

Teshuvah is not just about making amends though, it also involves self-reflection.

The elements of teshuvah include rigorous self-examination and require the perpetrator to engage with the victim, by confessing, expressing regret and making every effort possible to right the wrong that he committed.

What is therapy if not self-examination?

That also makes it very important that Bucky isn’t really making amends in the way that Jewish law requires until Sam sets him straight. Now, let’s talk about Sam for a bit. Samuel Wilson, a black man who grew up in modern day America, and in FAWS it’s the American South. He’s constantly bombared by an image of America that has never fought for him. But when he’s handed the shield by Steve, he doesn’t become a golem the way Steve was... and he’s never given the serum. On one level that’s good because it would harken back to the Tuskegee Experiments, which is very blatantly referred to with Isaiah. But I feel like I’m probably not overstepping any bounds as a white person to say that maybe we don’t need more torture porn. If I am feel free to call me out.

That said, I think it’s really important that with Sam and Bucky, the dynamic is flipped. Whereas Steve, in his position of social power over Bucky as a white goyische man (though still a victim of some oppression himself as a working class Irish Catholic in the 30s) was the one saving Bucky (after Bucky saved him when he was physically weaker), now Bucky the white Jewish man is the physically stronger one who protects, defends, and uplifts the black man wearing the stars and stripes. When Steve first had his Captain America moment, Bucky shouted to the crowd “Let’s hear it for Captain America!” Steve was a vehicle for a Jewish voice. Meanwhile Sam’s Captain America moment involved him getting to directly yell at US senators over their refusal to help the people of their country and the world who need them, despite the fact that they very easily could. After Sam gets to have his voice heard, Bucky quietly tells him, “Good job, Cap.” It’s not Bucky’s place to speak for Sam, but to validate and support him instead.

There is a long history between the Jewish and Black communities, one of both contention and support, with a hell of a lot of crossover. We are often pitted against each other by white goyische society despite the fact that we have common goals, and Sam and Bucky are a really great (probably mostly accidental) metaphor for what we can accomplish working together. While Bucky is a victim of white supremacy as a Jew, he also benefits from it as a white man, so it’s his responsibility to use that whiteness to defend Sam when he needs it (both in battle - Bucky will often jump in front of Sam to take a hit meant for him - and in society in general, like when Sam was justifiably angry at him and the cops started hassling Sam for his ID).

Anyway this ramble was partly brought to you all by the batshit take that Bucky in FAWS is actually supposed to be a Nazi and the moral of FAWS is that we’re supposed to forgive Nazis. Shoutout to Noah Berlatsky for muting me on twitter when I tried to argue with him about it. Bucky isn’t a Nazi, he’s a Jew who suffered under white supremacy and also helped to perpetuate it but is now attempting to make amends and uplift black voices.

#Bucky Barnes #Sam Wilson #Steve Rogers #TFATWS #FAWS #falcon and the winter soldier #the falcon and the winter soldier #MCU #Jewish Bucky Barnes #mine #meta #jewish meta #yes i'll be eternally mad about that 'bucky is a nazi' take #what a fucking idiot lol #also sam and bucky are married i don't make the rules #i'm also quite obvously very biased #i love bucky and part of why i love bucky is bc i percieve him as jewish #but it's because his story doesn't really make sense if he's not

287 notes · View notes

ailuronymy · 3 years

Note

do you think every disabled character in wc is handled poorly? i understand theres def some cases of ableism but at the same time when i hear ppl say that its usually bc the disabled cat wasnt able to become a warrior due to their disability. and i feel like ppl forget, that not everyone irl CAN do what they want after they become disabled. ex. someone wants to be an athlete, but their legs have to be amputated. a cat like briarlight esp i feel is p realistic and could be a source of comfort

Hello there, thank you for writing in. I’m going to reply to this question with a series of questions I think are a bit more useful, given what you’re trying to ask me. I hope that’ll clarify what is a deeply complex, multilayered issue.

Do I think Erin Hunter handles anything in the series “well”? Not really. I don’t have a high opinion of the work of the collective and, broadly speaking, I think every right note they play, metaphorically speaking, is an instance of chance rather than effort, skill, or intention. Stopped clocks are right twice a day, mediocre writers will sometimes do something cool by accident, similar principle. That’s not to say Erin Hunter hasn’t ever done anything on purpose--just that overall the underlying drive of the series isn’t so much quality as it is quantity, and speed of production, and it shows.

Do I think Erin Hunter puts any significant research into how they portray disability? No. I do not think it is a priority for this series. They’re not trying to make a meaningful work of literature, or capture a realistic experience of disability, or tell especially impactful or thoughtful stories, or even make a particularly good or coherent fantasy world. Warriors is a specifically commercial product that was commissioned by HarperCollins to appeal to a particular demographic of drama-loving, cat-loving kids. It’s not really trying to do anything but sell books, because it’s a business, so the text in many ways reflects that. They’re not going for disability representation, in my opinion. They’re including disability in many cases as a plot-point or an obstacle.

Do I think this means that people can’t connect to these characters and narratives in meaningful ways? No. Often I say that a work is completed only when it is read. Before that point, it doesn’t have a meaning: a reader finishes the work through the act of reading, and interpretation, and filling in the spaces and resonance of the story with their own values and experiences. When people talk about subjectivity, this is what they are talking about. What this means in the context of disabled characters in Warriors is that these characters and their stories can be multiple, conflicting, even mutually exclusive things at the same time, to different people, for different reasons.

Do I think characters have to be “good” to be significant to someone? No. I think genuinely “bad” (i.e., not researched or poorly researched, cliche, thoughtlessly written, problematic, etc. etc.) characters can be deeply meaningful, and often are. Ditto above: for many people, and especially marginalised or stigmatised people, reading is almost always an act of translation, wherein the person is reading against the creative work of the dominant culture in a way that the author likely didn’t intend or didn’t even imagine. There’s a long documented history of this in queer culture, but it’s true for just about everyone who is rarely (or unfairly) represented in media. Disabled people often have to read deeply imperfect works of fiction featuring disability and reinterpret them in the process--whether to relate to a kind of disability they don’t experience themselves but which is the closest they’re offered to something familiar, or to turn positive and meaningful what is intended as narrative punishment, or simply to create what’s commonly called headcanon about “non-disabled” characters who echo their personal experiences.

Do I think everyone has to agree? Extremely no. As I said before, people will actually always disagree, because all people have different needs and different experiences. What can be interpreted as empowering to one person might be very othering and painful for another. There is no “right” answer, because, again, that is how subjectivity works. This is especially true because marginalised communities are often many different kinds of people with different lives and needs brought together over a trait or traits they share due to the need for solidarity as protection and power--but only in a broad sense. It’s why there is often intracommunity fighting over representation: there isn’t enough, there’s only scraps, and so each person’s personal interpretation can feel threatening to people whose needs are different. You can see examples of this especially when it comes to arguments over character sexuality: a queer female character might be interpreted as bisexual by bisexual people who relate to her and want her to be, while being interpreted as lesbian by lesbians who also relate to her and want her to be like them. Who is correct? Often these different interpretations based on different needs are presented as if one interpretation is theft from the other, when in fact the situation is indicative of the huge dearth of options for queer people. It becomes increasingly more intense when it comes to “canon” representations, because of the long history of having to read against the grain I mentioned above: there’s novelty and, for some people, validation in “canon” certainty. And again, all of this is also true for disabled people and other stigmatised groups.

Do I think this is a problem? Not exactly. It is what it is. It is the expected effect of the circumstances. Enforced scarcity creates both the need for community organising and solidarity and the oppressive pressure to prioritise one’s self first and leave everyone else in the dust (or else it might happen to you). The system will always pit suppressed people against each other constantly, because it actively benefits from intracommunity fighting. Who needs enemies when you have friends like these, and so on. A solution is absolutely for everyone in community to hold space for these different needs and values, and to uplift and support despite these differences, but it’s not anyone’s fault for feeling threatened or upset when you don’t have much and feel like the thing that you do have is being taken away. It’s a normal, if not really helpful, human response. But until people learn and internalised that the media is multifaceted and able to be many things at once, without any of those things being untrue or impacting your truth of the text, then there will be fighting.

Do I think my opinion on disability on Warriors is all that important? No, not really. I can relate to some characters in some moment through that translation, but my opinion on, say, Jayfeather is nowhere near as worthy of consideration than that of someone who is blind. I don’t have that experience and it’s not something I can bring meaningful thinking about, really. That’s true for all these characters. If you want to learn about disability, prioritise reading work about disabled rights and activism that is done by disabled people, and literary criticism from disabled people. And as I mentioned above, remember that community isn’t a monolith: it’s a survival tactic, that brings together many different people with disparate experiences of the world. So research widely.

Finally--do I think there’s only one kind of disabled narrative worth telling? No. For some people, a disabled character achieving a specific, ability-focused dream is a good story. For other people, a story that acknowledges and deals with the realities, and limitations, of disability is a good story. The same person might want both of those stories at different times, depending on their mood. That’s okay. Sometimes there’s power and delight in a fantasy of overcoming seemingly impossible obstacles and defying all expectations. Sometimes there’s value and catharsis in a narrative that delves into the challenges and grief and oppression experienced because of disability. There’s no one truth.

To round all this off, I’m going to give my favourite example of this, which is Cinderella. I think it’s a great and useful tool, since for many it’s familiar and it’s very simple. Not much happens. In the story, she is bullied and tormented, until a fairy godmother gifts her over several nights with the opportunity to go to a royal ball, where she dances with a prince. The prince eventually is able to find Cinderella, due to a shoe left behind, and they are married. In some versions, the family that mistreated her are killed. In others, they’re forgiven.

Some people hate the story of Cinderella, because she is seen as passive. She tolerates the bullying and never fights back. She does every chore she’s told. She is given an opportunity by a fairy godmother, and she doesn’t help herself go to the ball. She runs from the prince and he does the work to find her again. Eventually, she’s married and the prince, presumably, keeps her in happiness and comfort for the rest of her life.

For some, this story is infuriating, because Cinderella doesn’t “save herself”: she is largely saved by external forces. She is seen as a quintessential damsel-in-distress, and especially for people who have been bullied, infantalised, or made to feel less capable or weak, that can be a real point of personal pain and discomfort.

However, for some others, Cinderella is a figure of strength, because she is able to endure such hostile environments and terrible people and never gives up her gentle nature or her hope. She never becomes cruel, or bitter. She is brave in daring to go outside her tiny, trapped world, and she is brave to let the prince find her. She doesn’t have to fight or struggle to earn her reward of happiness and prove her worth, because she was always deserving of love and kindness. The prince recognises at once, narratively speaking, her goodness and virtue, and stops at nothing to deliver her a better life.

Depending on the version, the wicked family disfigure themselves for their own greed--or are punished, which for some is a revenge fantasy; or Cinderella forgives them and once again shows her tenacious kindness, which for others is a different revenge fantasy.

The point? Cinderella is the same character in the same story, but these are almost unrecognisable readings when you put them side-by-side. Which one is right? Which one is better? In my opinion, those are the wrong questions. I hope this (long, sorry) reply is a set of more useful ones.

44 notes · View notes

ianthe-is-a-bitch-and-i-love-her · 3 years

Text

On Education

An excerpt from Memoirs of a Flesh Eater, never published.

Previous Excerpt

Next Excerpt

I think every parent struggles with the question of when they should teach their children hard truths. At some point, every child needs to learn about death. They need to learn about hatred. They need to learn about the horrors people will inflict on them for being different. This is something that is as true for ghouls as it is for humans. For most people, it is a fact of life that someone will hate you for existing.

Human-on-human prejudice is still something I don’t fully understand. At least humans have a reason to hate us. I don’t know why they go looking for reasons to hate each other too.

Educating ghouls is a challenge. We need to know about ourselves, of course. We need to know about our kind - our needs, our history, our ways of moving through human society - but we need to learn everything that humans learn too. The more we can fit seamlessly into the human world, the safer we are. You probably don’t know this, what with how much the news loves a story about a ghoul living in secret among humans, their murders exposed to the shock of their friends and acquaintances, but those of us who are brought up among humans don’t get found out very often. It’s the feral children, the big city packs that still hunt most of their food, the all-ghoul communes, that are easier targets for the exterminators. Those of us that are fully integrated are much harder to sniff out, unless we seriously fuck up.

{Editing Note: Don’t say fuck. Even though it’s a really good word}

The best way to make sure a ghoul can pass as human is to start us young. Get us into kindergarten, then elementary school, and keep going all the way through college. There’s nothing better than hands-on training. That’s what my mom did for me, mostly. I was raised in human society, in the human public school system, and I’ve never had a true close call. I’ve never caught the eye of an exterminator, and no human has ever asked me pointed questions about my habits or diet.

For the sake of completeness, I should say that I was in the human public school system for everything except for middle school. It’s not like that’s a great loss, though - everything I’ve heard about middle school sounds like hell. I don’t know how any of you survived going through puberty in front of all your peers.

{Editing Note: I am not talking about ghoul puberty unless I can find a reliable human to tell me what their puberty was like. If I wrote about something that I thought was ghoul-specific but is actually normal I’d die on the spot. I’d call a fucking exterminator on myself.}

Conventional schooling might be the best setup for success, but it’s also the most dangerous route. Kids talk, and that’s as true for us as it is for you. It takes a lot of work to make a child understand that there are some things you can never tell anyone, not even your closest friends, not ever. It’s not a fun burden to grow up carrying either. I’ve known the fear of death for literally longer than I can remember. I’ve known that letting myself be truly honest and vulnerable with any of my classmates would bring it to me and my parents before the day was over {Editing Note: True vulnerability is what I need now, though. I should find a place to talk about my dad}. It’s more loneliness than any child should ever grow up with. I was lucky; I found Scarlet in 4th grade. There are plenty of ghoul children that don’t find each other until high school, if there are even any other ghoul children to be found.

Some parents decide that the risk is too great. They’d rather have alive children than well-adjusted children, so they homeschool them {Editing Note: Okay, that’s way too harsh. Don’t be biased}. I did get to experience this approach for those couple of years when I wasn’t in middle school, and it does have some advantages other than safety. When I was in public school, my mom had to find time after school to teach me about our people. In a homeschool setting, ghoul studies could actually be integrated into our curriculum. It wasn’t completely asocial, either - ghoul parents often use their Society connections to find other ghoul children that are homeschooling so we can learn together. I met my second best friend, Scorpio, because we were homeschooled together.

{Editing Note: My friends are going to read this. I need to make it super clear that Scorpio is the second best friend I made chronologically. I’m not ranking my friends in front of the entire world.}

Scorpio’s a good friend, but he’s also a good case study for the drawbacks of homeschooling. He was homeschooled K through 12 and he is definitely the worst of my friends at passing. He has no idea what’s normal for ghouls vs normal for humans, so he compensates by either saying nothing or saying the most obvious, outlandish lies you could imagine when childhood comes up in conversation. In his defense, those lies are usually pretty funny, and he does connect pretty well with the right kind of people. Scorpio’s got a bunch of very specific subjects that he knows a ton about and loves to talk about. He and Scarlet can go on for hours about literary theory.

{Editing Note: That’s too meandering. I’m just trying to explain why some ghouls homeschool and some don’t - I don’t need to put my weird friends on blast.}

There’s another kind of formal schooling for ghouls that’s much, much rarer - the ghoul private school. The only one I even knew of, St. Raymond’s, was shut down last year by exterminators. Normally I’d tell you to take the lurid details you hear on the news with a healthy pinch of salt, and I still would, but that many rich young ghouls, completely cut off from the rest of humanity… it’s hard to predict what becomes normalized in that kind of echo chamber.

Fortunately, my patron knows more people than I do, so I have more to offer you than grim speculation. According to her, these kinds of places always have a very small student body, rarely breaking a hundred. The lesson content is pretty similar to homeschool - fully integrated ghoul curriculum, plus a few specialized lessons on blending into human society. Out of necessity, they’re almost always boarding schools. It’s easier to keep a low profile if you don’t have a bunch of ghoul kids not used to hiding going to and from the campus every day.

Apparently, it’s that kind of logistical challenge that makes these schools so rare. Aside from all the money you need to run a school in the first place, and how careful you need to be to pass scrutiny from the Board of Education, providing discretely for the needs of that many ghouls is an organizational nightmare. I mean, there’s a reason that ghoul families are so small, a reason why even our extended households rarely do more than scrape the double digits. There’s only so much flesh that can be safely obtained in one area at a time. There aren’t a lot of ghouls that have the resources and the inclination to put one of these schools together.

There is, of course, one more ways that ghouls are educated - the school of hard knocks {Editing Note: That’s such a trivializing way to put it. Have some sensitivity, me}. Given how short our average life expectancy is, it’s inevitable that some ghoul children have to fend for themselves from a very young age. I doubt it comes as a surprise that most of them don’t manage to integrate into human society very well. The lucky ones figure out early on how to kill discreetly, how to hide their nature from observers, and how to vary their hunting patterns enough to avoid the attention of the exterminators. The rest either starve quietly or die violently.

Most of these feral ghouls who survive to be teenagers eventually find each other and form packs. From a pure survival standpoint, this is a bad move. A group of feral teenage ghouls have a much harder time covering their tracks than they would as individuals, but for most, the chance at companionship is too tempting. It’s miserable, being alone in the world. Packs offer most of them the best chance to escape loneliness that they’ll ever get. And for most of them, it ends in a shallow grave within a year. Putting down a pack of feral ghouls is a good headline for an exterminator, and it’s a lot less work than trying to ferret out those of us who’ve figured out how to pass. That isn’t how the majority of ghouls die, but it’s how a plurality of us do.

For those few feral ghouls that survive to adulthood, their lives take one of three paths. Sometimes they find a patron and fall in with a household, and they do their best to heal from the trauma of their childhood. They do their best to find a happy life in human society, just like those of us who were luckier. Sometimes they become true Hunters, living their lives on the outskirts of our Society; still embraced by us, if only at an arm’s length. I’ll talk more about them later.

And sometimes, they become the Lost. Not that ghouls from any walk of life are immune to that fate, but… I’ll get to them later too. You may not have heard of them by that name, but I guarantee you’ve heard of the Lost.

{Editing Note: That’s a really grim note to end the chapter on. I should play with the structure a bit and find a more uplifting note to leave this subject on.}

{Editing Note: Or I could ask Kestrel. I’m sure she’d have ideas on how to better write the section on feral ghouls, and she could help me strike a more authentic tone. But… I don’t want to upset her. She doesn’t like to think about it, and I don’t want to hurt her. Is this important enough? Would she think it’s important enough?}

#my writing #original fiction #not tlt #memoirs of a flesh eater

32 notes · View notes

st-just · 3 years

Text

Semi-coherent Thoughts on The Poppy War

So, if I’m being totally honest, I mostly picked this up on the basis of the number of people I scrolled past talking about how it was well-written but so relentlessly dark and miserable they couldn’t finish it, which is a fairly-but-not-perfectly reliable indicator I’m going to like it. And in this case it worked! I absolutely do not blame any with that reaction, though – I drew a comparison the Traitor Baru Cormorant while I was reading it and having finished I actually think it’s got a fundamental similarity in terms of how, while I wouldn’t be surprised to see some growth or redemption in the sequels, taken on its own the book does kind of read as the heroine reacting to being oppressed and tortured by a fucked up world by just becoming the worst person in it, gaining power and a degree of safety while losing every personal relationship she really cared about. The setting is horrifying, the plot is full of misery and atrocities, and the thematic arc isn’t exactly uplifting, either.

Anyways – the goodreads page lists the book as “Grimdark YA” which, I admit, struck me as kind of an oxymoron but having read the book, does basically track. If you look from ten thousand feet up and squint, the book does kind of fit into the shape of a generic YA fantasy story – the heroine is an orphan who grows up with an abusive adoptive family. Faced with the prospect of being married off to a man three times her age, she throws herself into her studies and ends up with the highest exam scores in her entire province, earning her free admission to the empire’s most elite academy. While the school is full of spoiled and spiteful bullies, she also makes probably the first real friend in her life there. While there, the whimsical and obtuse teacher who all the others consider a joke takes her on as an apprentice, and together they discover that she’s the heir to the powerful mystical heritage of an almost extinct people. When the empire is invaded, she and her master save the city from being captured, and while doing so she reconciles with her worst bully. Afterwards, she’s assigned to the quirky team of other mystics, lead by the stern-but-haunted-but-darkly-handsome slightly older guy whose the only other surviving member of her people. Through him, she’s finally able to embrace her heritage and save the empire in spectacular fashion.

And it’s all just incredibly fucked up. Like, I get the vague sense that if I actually read much/was invested in YA I’d probably read this as some commentary on the genre and how traumatizing a standard adventure plot would be to the protagonist, or something. The heroine’s powerful mystical heritage is an inherent connection to a god of anger, vengeance and fire, and they were kept as opium-addicted shock troopers by the empire before being genocided by their opposition during the last war. The haunted, handsome slightly older commanding officer switches between maniac episodes, beating and emotionally abusing her in fits of rage, and drugging himself into a stupor. She saves the empire via magical genocide!

Really, I rather loved the finale. It reminded me of, like, a really well-done evil ending in an rpg or visual novel? A mixture of triumph and horror, of the catharsis of fully giving into temptation, of a ‘victory’ so terrible you feel like you fucked up along the line and there must have been a better option somewhere. And a feeling like it would probably have been better for everyone if the heroine had died during it, given the shape of life ahead of her. (But, importantly, she never stops feeling like the heroine, if that makes any sense?) Like the two different renegade resolutions to curing the genophage in Mass Effect 3, is actually the closest I can compare it to, in terms of emotional reaction.

The book is a bit heavy-handed in terms of Rin’s character development, though. Like, okay, the setting is obviously the Wuxia 2nd Sino-Japanese War, so I’m not going to complain about the transparent analogues to the Rape of Nanjing or Unit 731. But, like, you do feel bad for Jiang trying to teach Rin serenity and enlightenment when it seems like 90% of her life so far has consisted of nothing but object lessons that the only way to have any sort of safety is to have power or leverage, that success can only be achieved through pain and sacrifice, and that validation or approval from authority figures is gained only through pain, cleverness, or brutality. Then throw her into a war where the enemy is, well, pretty accurate for the IJA in China circa 1942, honestly, which is to say horrible demons who seem to only gain pleasure through inventive torture and the infliction of barbaric bloodshed on as massive as scale as possible, and have them start horribly murdering or torturing everyone she has a vaguely positive relationship with. Rin rejecting Jiang and ignoring all the warnings being shouted at her to embrace the Phoenix seems almost over-determined, I guess?

Anyway, there’s certainly more to unpack (still not sure quite what to make about the whole ‘chemically destroy her womb so period cramps don’t interrupt her studies’ beat, beyond it being another example her identifying self-harm and pain with success and validation), but yeah, looking forward to giving the sequels a try when my hold on them at the library goes through.

#books #book review #r. f. kuang #the poppy war #in this essay I will #this is theoretically a writing blog #in which I describe something entirely through references

49 notes · View notes

thehanwen · 4 years

Text

Quarantine Netflix Recs

Since were all at home watching Netflix I thought I would give my fav show/movie for every letter so everyone has something new to watch. Please send me your own recommendations or make your own alphabet list and tag me! Here goes:

A: Anne with an E- This modern take on Ann of Green Gables is quirky, fun, and dramatic. It has good music, writing and is all around a good watch. It deviates from the books a bit, but keeps the spirit.

B: Broadchurch- If you like crime dramas, this is for you. With one crime spanning the complete first season it delves deep into motive and emotions. David Tennet stars in this tense British mystery.

C: Cargo- A dystopian zombie apocalypse film set in Australia with a focus on human connection, and sacrifice. This is honestly so different than any other zombie movie I have seen in the best way.

D: Daybreak- Sticking with the apocalypse theme, daybreak is a humorous view on what happens when a nuke kills all the adults and leaves all the teenagers. Its like if high school was the whole world, but the world had also ended. Strong characters and ‘Ferris Bueller’ esc fourth wall breaks give this show something special.

E: The Worlds Most Extrodiary Homes- For a change of pace this mindlessly beautiful home reality show shows off architecture that could be classified as art and makes me wonder how anyone can actually live here. If you just want something with no stakes what so ever, this is the eye candy for you.

F: Frontier- A gritty, and dark period piece starring Jason Momoa as the badass outlaw working against the British in the Canadian wilderness. Half political, half survival drama this show focus on the fur trade during the 1700s as well as themes like revenge, family history and love.

I have to do two for F: Feel Good- This emotional comedy is about Mae, a gay, ex-addict comic and her previously straight girlfriend. It is real and emotional and hilarious. It’s filled with amazing characters and amazing writing and explores hard to talk about subjects, including addiction, love, coming out, and family and romanitc relationships.

G: Godless- A refreshing addition to the western genre. An injuryed outlaw, a headstrong widow, the whole of the wild west. Gritty and dramatic, this mini series is a must watch

H: How it Ends- Another apocalypse film, can you guys see a pattern? This one is less about the event however and more about family. A young man and his future father-in-law travel across the desolate wasteland of the USA to save his fiance.

I: I am Not Okay with This- A sci-fi coming of age story, based on a comic book, about a young girl who develops mysterious superpowers and is not okay with it. Also shes gay and in love with her best friend, its great.

J: John Mulaney- I assume everyone has already seen all of his specials, but if you haven’t go check them out! They are hilarious and relatable on a deep level.

K: Klaus- This is my new favorite Christmas movie. Its got wit, charm, great character development and beautiful animation. It’s the first original Christmas movie that I've liked. It gives a new spin to all your favorite Christmas traditions while holding on to the essence of the Christmas spirit.

L: Let it Snow- Based of the book co-written by Maureen Johnson, John Green, and Lauren Myracle this film is a feel good romance with quicky characters that have thier lives changed forever by a snowstorm in their small hometown. Friendships and romances are formed and tested as these teens figure out how to deal with what life throws at them.

M: Maniac: In an unlikely pair Emma Stone and Jonah Hill work amazingly well together in a drug trial that is supposed to cure all mental illness, of course not everything goes as planned. Our heroes go through multiple stages of the trial and discover their brains are miraculously linked. This series merges multiple genres into something surprisingly cohesive.

N: National Treasure- “I’m gonna steal the declaration of Independence”

O: The OA- A psychological sci-fi thiller about a blind girl who gets kidnapped and held prisoner by a mad scientist looking for other dimensions. The friends she makes along the way mean everything, but when she gets found not only are they missing, but she can see again.

P: Princess and the Frog- A cute Disney twist of the classic fairy tale. A young woman working hard to buy her own restaurant meets a prince that has been turned into a frog by a shady magic man. But when she kisses him he doesn’t turn human, she turns frog. Together they have to figure out how to get back to being human and along the way they learn what they really need.

Q: apparently I have never watched a single thing on Netflix that starts with Q. So Queer Eye I guess. I’ve never watched it, but I've heard good things.

R: The Rain- After a deadly virus is discovered in the rain, sister and brother, Simone and Rasmus are separted from thier family and hide in a bunker for 6 years. Once they are forced to emerge they discover the world is much different than how they left it and their family wasnt all they thought it was.

S: Sense 8- This sci-fi drama focuses on 8 people from all over the world connected by some kind of psychic link. As they discover the extent of thier new abilities they also find out they aren’t the only ones and some others aren’t so friendly. This series was made with so much love and divotion and it shows throughout. The character development and backstories are rich, the writing is witty and thoughtful and the representation and focus on love above all else is so refreshing.

T: Tallulah- This drama is dark and witty, while simultaneously being bright and uplifting. When a young drifter kidnaps a baby from a neglectful mother and pretends the baby is hers, her boyfriends mother takes them in. The story is about family and doing the right thing, even when you can’t find the right choice in the grey area.

U: The Umbrella Academy- This series based on a comic book written by Gerard Way is about superheroes with out being about superheroes. They don’t save the day. They can barely save themselves, oh and also the world. Numbered 1-7 these siblings all have their own issues and getting them to work together was the dying wish of their asshole of a father.

V: None? Anyone have any ideas?

W: The Witcher- This series, based on a video game based on a book, is about a mysterious monster hunter and the bard he meets a long the way. Somehow full of action and also full of humor this series delves deep into the history and culture of this fantasy world.

X, Y, Z: I got nothing guys, but thanks for reading all the way down here. I hope you watch some of these shows and that you send some of your own recs to me!

Also None of these photos or shows or anything are mine and all belong to their rightful owners

871 notes · View notes

oikirstein · 3 years

Text

𝟎𝟐 | 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐥

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 1,104

𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝: 1/26/2021

𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠: Mentions of depression and suicide

If you find any of these topics triggering, please refrain from reading; proceed with caution.

𝐚/𝐧: Thank you so much for the love from last chapter! My heart is overwhelmed with joy at the fact that some of you really liked it despite it being only the first. I’ll do my best to continue the hard work!

“So what? Were you just sent here to mock me?” You let the door shut behind you, eyeing the stairs as you waited for his response.

“No, it’s just a perk that comes with the job,” he smirked. God, how obnoxious could this guy be?

“If you’re just wasting my time then I’ll be going,” you purposefully nudged his shoulder with yours when you passed him by.

You were halfway down the first flight of stairs when he turned around and spoke again, “I guess you don’t want my help then.”

Pausing in the middle of your step, you rolled your eyes, “Help? All you’ve been doing for the past twenty minutes is patronizing me.”

“Well, all I’m saying is that you could go back to your shitty apartment...or you could listen to my brilliant little prospect.”

You thought for a moment. There wasn’t exactly anything special about your life. You were just one thread among the millions in a textile—merely grasping at the seams to survive. What was there to lose by listening to this...angel?

“What are you thinking?”

“Ah! So you are intrigued, yes?” He placed his right hand on the rail, and hopped over to sit on the thin, rusty metal, “This is no place to talk about a life changing opportunity, don’t you think?”

Hesitantly, you nodded, skeptical of what was to come. He smirked at you, smug in his appearance like he had just won a bet or something. Without skipping a beat, he raised the hand that was grasping on the barrier, eye contact unwavering, and snapped his fingers.

It was like no time had passed for the two of you. In the single blink of an eye, here you were sitting across from Suna in the middle of a cafe.

“I was going to take you to a bar, but I don’t really feel like drinking on the first date,” he yawned as if nothing had changed at all.

“This isn’t a date,” you said, leaning back in your seat.

“Mhm. Iced vanilla macchiato, right?” He questioned, taking a sip from his drink himself.

You hadn’t even thought about ordering, so how did he know exactly what you wanted?

“How did you know my order?” You wearily took the drink in your hands and lightly sucked on the teal straw.

“I think a better question would be, what don’t I know about you?”

It was no doubt he knew you better than you knew yourself, but it still surprised you when he articulated the information.

“So you really...know my whole life story, huh?” You placed the drink back onto the table.

“That’s what my job would entail, yes. So anyway,” he too placed his coffee across from yours, “let’s get down to business.”

“Okay,” you nodded, the plastic cup’s condensation leaving a ring of sweat on the wood.

“Obviously you’re unhappy with the gift of life. With your life.”

Only an “mhm” left your lips as you continued to drink your macchiato—something you did when you didn’t know what to say.

“Here’s where I come in,” he grinned and leaned in closer, folding his hands together and placing them quaintly on the table, “I will grant you three,” he holds up three fingers with his right hand, making an “o” shape with his thumb and index finger, “wishes as a means to uplift your view on life.”

You slowly pulled the plastic straw away from your lips, the drink already halfway finished, “Cool. So what’s the catch?”

“My, my, my. Why do you assume there’s a catch? Can I not do good deeds out of the goodness of my heart?”

“As my ‘guardian angel’ you should know that I’ve received the short end of the stick, so forgive me if I’m just the least bit skeptical.”

“Okay fine. Maybe there is something I want from you,” he crossed his arms and looked to the side, pursing his lips and puffing his cheeks.

“Which is?”

Suna took a sip from his cup before speaking again, “When you’re finally content with your third wish, you give me your soul.”

“M-my what?” Your eyes shot open, previously drowsy from the time. You were wide awake now, and it wasn’t because of the caffeine flowing through your veins.

“Okay, so I know it sounds crazy—”

“It doesn’t sound crazy, Suna, it is crazy.”

“To be completely honest, I don’t know why you’re so appalled since you were just about to throw it away anyway less than an hour ago.”

You opened your mouth to speak your rebuttal, but no words came out. He wasn’t wrong. Whether or not you actually had the guts to jump didn’t matter. You thought about it and made the decision to at least try and leave this wretched place we call Earth. Suna observed you, and took your silence as acknowledgement that he was right.

“Think about it like this, we’re just prolonging the process so that you’ll feel less pain.”

“Less...pain?”

“Well yeah. You get three opportunities to improve your life, and once you’re happy, you can have what you were trying to get tonight. An escape,” the expression etched on his face as he explained it, looked as if he was a businessman trying to sell you a car—not an angel trying to coerce you into selling your soul.

“Who’s to say I won’t want to stay here after getting what I’ve longed for?”

Hiz gaze turned somber, though the rest of his face stayed the same. Stoic features with sad eyes caught your attention during the minute it took him to figure out what to say.

“I’ve been doing this job for a long time, Y/N. I’ll tell you a secret that I’ve learned from my many years of experience,” you leaned in ever so slightly, but just enough to let Suna know that he’s got your attention, “Most people don’t have a reason to live after their dreams come true.”

“Is that it?” You set your drink back down and crossed your legs, resting your hands on your knee.

“Yup, that’s the deal,” he said with a wry smile, his chin resting on the back of his hands which were propped on the table by his elbows, “So what’s it going to be?”

You looked back up at him.

“Are you going to take my offer and become everything you’ve wanted to be, or die at your own hands because you’ve grown tired of your pathetic little life?”

Obviously the former was the better option, but did you really want to die an agonizing death, winning and losing everything all at once?

𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 | 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 | 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭

reblogs are greatly appreciated :)

please send an ask to be added to the taglist

𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭: @kenmascutiepie @peganimeboys @airheadpillar

19 notes · View notes

sweater-daddiesdumbdork · 4 years

Text

Life After Snowpiercer: Adjusting To The Everyday Life

Summary- 5.4k Curtis Everett x You. The new way of life is becoming routine, and your starting to adjust. Curtis does his best to help you along. Warnings- swearing, hints of smut, talk of pregnancy.

A/N- yea, it's a slower chapter, I suppose like a filler. But this was the mood I was in, so this is what happened.

A/N2- To see the story behind the picture, read this short- Surprise

Chapter 10 / Masterlist

Slowly the new room was becoming 'Home', it had been a couple weeks since Curtis brought you to the room, and together you two cleaned it out of the personal stuff that couldn't be used, and you took the time to bring down yours and his few belongings. Since settling in, he brought you two a couple changes of clothing, and for the first time in years, you were able to give both of your clothes a proper wash. A few things were just unable to be saved, one of his jackets, you just couldn't salvage, but the other couple you could. Part of you wished you were able to clean out your bunk in the tail-end. But it was a days travel through the deep snow to get back to the car, and you couldn't bring yourself to mention it to Curtis, not when there was so much going on.

Maybe someday.

But there was one thing you knew made it from the tail-end, cause Curtis carried it with him everywhere, and that was the slightly smudged charcoal drawing you commissioned back when you knew it was close to Curtis’s birthday before the riot, and you had seen him tuck it away when you two first moved in. So when you opened the drawer and it wasn't safely tucked in the folds of your few clothes, you felt your heart catch. “No, where is it?!”

Starting to pull out the items from the drawer, and shaking them out, your panic got the best of you, and you were searching among the bedding stored there when Curtis walked into the room to find you on your knees, looking under the bed, among all the stuff on the floor. “Baby, what is going on?” And he was shocked further to see you come out from under the bed with tears brimming your eyes. “Curtis I can't find it, and I saw you put it away.”

Confused, he used his boots to gently push stuff aside and squatted down next to you, gripping your chin to have you look at him. “Put what away Babygirl?” His brows are raised well above his beanie in concern and you sniffle in his hold. “The drawing of us, the picture. I could have sworn you put it in the dresser before your shower the other night, and now...” your hands pick up one of his shirts as if the picture will just fall out from underneath it. Curtis’s blue eyes snap in understanding and he lets you go, opening his jacket and pulling out a slightly bent out of shape paper.

“I got it right here, sorry Babygirl. I just usually carry it on me for safekeeping. I put it away the other day cause we were going to be working on the water, and didn't want it to get ruined.” He handed it over and your teary face turns into an uplifted one, careful when you took it. “Of course! Curtis, I don't know where my head's at these days. Everything is just... “ You sigh, and looked at him apologetically. You've been terribly emotional the past few days, and you've either been mad at Curtis or crying over nothing. Shaking his head, he grunted to move to a stand, taking your hands and drawing you up.

“It's okay, I don't need to carry it anymore.” He used the sleeve of his shirt to wipe at your cheeks. “What did you want to do with it?” You look at the picture and smile again, it simply made you happy and you pointed to a spot above the door. “Can you hang it up? Then this place can be officially home.” You held it back out and he took it, there was a lip of steel running along the wall just above the door, and Curtis arched to his toes to get high enough and set it on the beam, stepping back. “How's it look Babygirl?” His arm moving around your waist and pulling you in front of him. Letting yourself lean back against his chest while studying the picture sitting above your doorway, you tilted your head up to look at him. “Perfect, Welcome Home.”

It was so easy to make you happy, Curtis let his hands slide around to your midsection and just hold you there, kissing your tilted back forehead. “It is perfect.” He really couldn't remember when he had been happier, everything was going okay, the people were settling in and accepting this new way of living, the greenhouse was thriving, as well as the remaining animals that survived the crash. People were eating actual food, for the first time in 17 years, at least for the tail-enders. You actually we're coming around to more affection, although he would wake up to find you worrying yourself in the dark now and then, you were far easier to coax into his arms and fall back asleep. Assuring you that whatever happened, you two would deal with it together.

That was the last part, waiting to see if you were actually pregnant or not. I could see it worrying you, making you fret when you thought no one was paying attention. And Matt. Matt, Curtis was at a loss of what to do with that fucker. He was still locked in the Car they stuffed him in weeks ago. But you insisted on once a day walks with him, and Curtis to. There was no way in hell he was leaving you alone with Matt. Brother or Not. Speaking of which, Curtis knew what was coming and you turned to look up at him, the question in your eyes.

“Can we go see Matt now Curtis?” you worried your bottom lip, always seeming to be nervous to ask, although he never told you no. Today was no different, kissing your forehead.

“Only if your up for it Babygirl.” He said with a bit of hesitancy, simply cause not even 20 minutes ago you had been in a full panic. But you nodded with affirmation, and grabbed at your jacket, and stuffed a hat on your head since usually you all went outside for the fresh air and sunshine, although still bitterly cold. So many years in the dark, you especially couldn't get enough of the sun. Curtis would find you often standing outside, lips blue with your eyes tilted into the sun, seeming to soak it in. The man pictured you soaking it in, light was drawn to light. Why you were drawn to him, he didn't know. Leading you down the aisle, his hand resting in the small of your back.

Snapping open the heavy door between cars, you leaped over the gap, and worked Matt's car open, and light spilled into the darkness to show Matt leaning against a wall. One arm hooked over his knee, lifting his head to scowl at the two of them, you went in wringing your hands and smiling hopefully. Curtis right behind you, a dark imposing figure scowling. The complete opposite of your hopefulness. “Hey Matt, how you feeling today?”

Matt snorted and tugged on the heavy livestock chains around his ankle. “Fucking fantastic Dear Sister. Living the fucking dream.” Curtis snarled out while digging for the locks keys in his pocket and handing you off a knife for protection in case Matt happened to overpower him. “Cut the shit, Matt. She didn't come here for you to be a little bitch.” Cutis squatted down and yanked his leg into the light enough so he could see the lock. Matt seemed to somber a bit. “Been better Y/N, thanks for asking.” His hand moved to his now bare ankle rubbing at the red ring. Curtis stood and reached to grasp Matts forearm, bringing him up to a stand.

This was ritual by now, You and Matt walking ahead just a little, Curtis not far behind. Close enough that should Matt try to put a hand on you, Curtis would snap your brother's neck. It was a promise he made to Matt when you first started this. Otherwise, Curtis didn't interfere with your conversation. Most of the time. Your hands were stuffed in your sleeves as you trudged along, your voice optimistic, hopeful that Matt would engage back. “The greenhouses are really thriving Matt, they survived the crash intact for the most past. A bit of the pipework bringing the water in got damaged, but we've been regularly melting snow to compensate.”

“You think You all will be able to keep up with that? Eventually, the water is going to run out. Without the train moving anymore, it's not gathering any to store in the tanks.” Matt smirked as if he was dropping some devastating news, looking between you and Curtis.

“Were keeping a close eye on the tanks, and only using that for stuff absolutely necessary. Everything else... well we're covered in snow.” You kicked at the Frozen snow covering the ground. But he was right, eventually the water would become an issue, just like the power. The whole train was temporary. Eventually they will have to move, see if they can find something more suitable for the group on the outside of one of the cities. Of course, they were estimating where they were on the tracks. Curtis, Edgar, and John having dug through Wilford's main car a few weeks ago and came across maps. If their estimations are right, they were somewhere in what was once Russia.

A massive landscape staring at the map. But dotted with cities. All Curtis had to do was convince the council that packing up a small scouting party and seeing if they were near any of the major cities, it would mean more supplies available to them. They had to get off the train, all its resources were going to run out eventually. Wilford never prepared for the Snowpiercer to ever be at a standstill. These worries were settled at the back of Curtis mind, but these walks with Matt, he was sure to remind them of it. Even you sobered a bit after Matts little jibe.

“We will deal with it when it comes up Matt.” You wanted to reach out, staring at Matt. God, he looked so much like your father, just not the coldness. Your father always so welcoming and open, Matt though sniffed either from the cold or distaste to your answer. “Well, we were able to deal with it till your man insisted on crashing the train. We would certainly not be stranded in the middle of fucking Russia. Couldn't have planned that a little better Curtis. Crashed us somewhere with resources at least? But you never think ahead, do you Everett. Always just brute Force and no couth, is there anything between those ears?” Matt hissed at him, his rage crossing his face once more.

Once more he got the best of your temper as he was bad-mouthing Curtis for those few seconds before Curtis could put a stop to Matts ranting, you pushed against your brother's chest, sending him sprawling in surprise. Curtis actually had to hide a chuckle of surprise himself, but you were furious and snarling at your brother. “Jesus Christ, your just... Cruel all the time, aren't you. Fuck you, Matt. Curtis, I'm done.” You turned away and brushed past Curtis, in which he shook his head, and went to collect Matt, grabbing him by the collar of his jacket and pushing him forward. “Ya know, you would think you would learn to at least treat her decent since shes the only one who gives a shit about you and why you're still alive.”

Matt snorted as he trudged back through the snow, following your quicker paced form as you reached the outskirts of the camp once more.

“Maybe it's time she grew up Curtis, quite thinking that any of us are out for more than ourselves.”

“Well your certainly proving that to her aren't you,” Curtis growled as they to reached the outskirts of the camp, the snow here all pounded down from people walking on it all day long. “When that day comes and she gives up on you entirely, what do you think is going to happen to you?” Curtis said darkly, and Matt eerily grinned. “Be the day I end up going free.”

“We will see about that.” Curtis pushed him back up the stairs and into the darkness of his car once more. Matt plopped on the mattress while Curtis went to lock him back up, Matt watching him closely, and to the open door, debating. Curtis even though he wasn't looking at him knew his thoughts. “Try it and it won't end good for you Matt.” Wait, we got to wait... The younger man thought, instead getting himself comfortable. Their guard won't be up forever.

You just had to get away, even managing friendly conversations was out of your wheelhouse right now, and you stomped back to your room, and slammed the door behind you as if you were a child all over again, grabbing a pillow off the perfectly made bed this morning and sitting on the edge of it, you screamed into it. What was it going to take to get the meanness out of Matt?! You have done nothing but be good to him short of letting him go free, had even managed to get Curtis to reluctantly agreed that if there was any change, they would see about giving him a bit more freedom. But nothing you tried softened him. Nothing. Ripping off your jacket and hat, you shoved them away into the chair when you sat down, and you just suddenly felt drained. All over, like it all just seeped from you.

Sighing, you lift your hands and rub at your face, glancing up at the picture hanging above the door. That made you smile, thinking back on earlier when Curtis hung it up for you. Maybe it's not all bad, and you shrug off the negativity being around your brother brings on you. Changing into something not as warm, you decide the best way to spend the rest of the day was helping in the greenhouse, and maybe the kitchen. Things would be okay, you were doing more than surviving, you all were actually living.

When you left the car and headed towards the greenhouse, you didn't even glance at the car that held Matt, giving it a wide berth, entering the greenhouse, immediately the earthy smell the plants gave off was as good to you as feeling the sun on your face. A musty heaviness of dirt, greenery, and water. All over the labors of the past few weeks showed with healthy trees bearing apples, bright and red. Green sprouts of leaves down rows and rows, all edible. Even now one of the people who worked the kitchen was picking bundles, piling them in her apron. “How do you know what is ready?” You asked, wandering down the aisle while piling your hair behind your head and trying it off.

“Easy child.” The older worker said, holding out a leaf that was full and vibrant for you to take. “Go ahead, taste it.” You ripped off a piece of it and slipped it in your mouth, when the tender leaf crushed between your teeth, vibrant fresh bitterness flooded your mouth, your taste buds still getting used to food. “When these bunches are all full like this, it's meant to be picked.”

“What is this?” Unable to help yourself, you ripped off another piece and chewed on it, getting the same overwhelming effect from before. “Kale. I will sautee this just a bit in some marrow, and put it in a soup for the camp today. Shave off some of that meat off a hock in the freezer, add those new baby potatoes we have at the end.” The older woman continued on, bringing you to where the rows of potatoes were hidden from view, her fingers digging into the dirt and dragging up the bulbs, shaking the dirt off them. “We get enough of them, and you have yourself a meal.”

You dug your fingers into the moist wet dirt, the sensation oddly familiar and weird, bringing back memories of planting flowers with your mother in the front of the house. The woman watched her with interest, taking in your reaction to it all. “Yer from the back, aren't ya?” You nodded slightly, and carefully brushed off the dirt encasing the baby potatoes. “Yes, one of the tail enders who came up with Curtis.”

“Ahh, yes. Thought you looked familiar. What your man did letting us go took a lot of guts, not many would have that. Trust me, very few of us have much to thank Wilford for or have any reason to give him loyalty. My name is Tess by the way.”

“It was touch and go, but it was the right thing to do. We can't start living a new life following the old ways.” You shrugged and Tess smiled at your words, her wrinkles lining around her eyes deepening.

“Like hearing wisdom come right out of the babes mouth. I could use your help if you don't mind. Getting this camp fed is a couple people process, It's my turn to water but I got to get this all started up. Feeding all these people is a lot different than just cooking for Wilford.” She continued placing potatoes in her apron. “all-day process, and the only way we don't burn through what we got stored. You mind watering for me?”

“Be a pleasure to.” You assured her and you took over where she had left off. Curtis came later to find you, having poked his head in earlier to see you were settled into a project after dealing with Matt, he didn't want to bother you. But now it was getting late, and after pouring over the maps in what they turned into a meeting space of sorts with the rest of the “council” they formed, passing ideas of where to go, and how to proceed, he was tired. The sky was starting to darken, and spending a quiet evening with you really was all he wanted at this point. Figuring you would be where he had left you, Curtis shrugged off his jacket as he went into the humid car, glancing around, and walking down the aisle, checking the rows till he found you, kneeling while using your hands to churn dirt, snipping off any dead leaves on each individual plant, a small trailer left behind you.

“There you are... was wondering where you had gotten off to.” Heavy boots thudded the floor and you looked up in surprise. Your hair curling around your temples and a streak of dirt across your forehead, you gave him the sweetest smile that Curtis would have sworn made his heart skip a beat. “You've been in here all afternoon, think it's time we call it a day.” Hand reaching for yours, you hesitate cause yours are dirty, but a wiggle of his fingers, enticed you, and you let him pull you up. “It can't be that late, it's still light.”

“In here, artificial lighting for the plants.” Leading you to a window, you leaned into his side, looking at the way the sky was painted in so many vibrant hues.

“Alright, maybe I did lose track of time. I only meant to stay in here for a couple hours.” You admitted and he laughed, his arm resting around your waist.

“Come on, let's go eat.”

As becoming another regular was all eating dinners together. Tess would bring out whatever, and those that didn't have something stored away would come to get a bit of whatever she made that day. Groups of you would sit together, and slowly it was a mingling of people. Today you sat at Curtis’s side, sipping from a cup he brought you, and across from you, Edgar and Yona did the same as you, Yona talking about what she was doing with the kids. The kids, it was hard to think of them as the trains orphans anymore. They simply seemed to just belong to everyone now, no longer separating the train in classes as before.

“Teach them some manners, the little shites.” Edgar teased Yona, and you nudged your boot against his leg to get his attention.

“Excuse you, you were no peach either Edgar. Always sassing when you didn't get your way.” You smirked back at him over your cup as you sipped from it, Yona giggling at his side, and he narrowed his eyes at You. “I was a great kid! I listened. Kinda.”

“Right. Just as good as you listen now.” Curtis laughed deeply, moving to get up, and held out a hand to take the emptied dishes to bring them back to the kitchen. You moved to a kneel, beckoning Edgar to turn around. “Let me look at your back, see how that scar is healing.” Pushing himself from the wall, he twisted, and hiked the back of his shirt up. You leaned in closer, tracing around it for a moment. “Sore any? It looks really good, considering what happened.”

He pulled away and tugged his shirt down, giving a roll of his shoulder. Whenever the matter of his scar came up, he would go quiet. “It’s a'right. Tender once in a while, especially when hauling stuff.”

“Yea, you probably should have waited to do the cleanup.”

“Well, it had to be done.” He stated, and Yona next to him frowned slightly studying him. But Curtis coming back distracted them from the conversation, and you yawned, pushing to a stand.

“Doesn't matter if it had to be done, still should have waited. Night.” Biding your goodbye to your companions, a hot shower sounded excellent, and Curtis came up behind you, wrapping his arms around your middle.

“You okay?” a soft kiss was pressed just at the hollowed curve of your neck, and you let your hands weave over the top of his around your stomach. “Yea, just super tired suddenly. Been feeling this way most of the day. I'm sure it's nothing. “

He lifted his head and frowned hearing that. “You sure you shouldn't go see Price? Could be something.” You turned just as you reached the door, and pulled yourself in close against him with a fist of your hands in his shirt, leaning up to tease your lips against his. “Handsome, I'm fine. Tired is all... I promise.” Blue eyes looked slightly doubtful, but he relented and the two of you went into the room.

“Would you tell me if you thought otherwise?” Curtis locked the door while you started stripping out of the dirtied clothing to escape into the bathroom. Curtis caught just a glimpse of your backside, and inhaled sharply. No sex for the past month and half was starting to in ways he didn't care for. But it didn't matter, there was no way in hell he was going to try anything until you were ready. Instead, he set about taking off his boots, sitting on the edge of the bed to untie them, make himself comfortable.

In the bathroom, you turned on the water and slipped in before it got hot. Not wanting to waste any water, and tipped your head back to moisten your hair, and start scrubbing it, getting the dirt and sweat out from earlier. Then getting ready to wash your body, you looked down and saw red swirling by your feet. Your hands start roaming over your body quickly without thinking, a panicked cry out. “Curtis!” You twist in the shower, looking behind you to see if your cut anywhere and it hits you.

You had your period. If came... You weren't pregnant.

And that moment relief flooded you so intensely, you slid to the floor of the tub, somewhere between a cry and laugh of relief, Curtis burst into the bathroom, in response to you calling his name. “Y/M?! Baby, you okay?” He opened the curtain to find you sitting on the bottom, and immediately scanned you going to his knees. Cupping your face as you had it pressed to your knees, making you lift up to look at him. Your body shaking slightly under his hold. “What is wrong?” and that's when he caught the bit of red escaping down the drain. “Fuck, where are you hurt?” He is shifting you forward and you finally regain yourself enough to put a stop to him.

“I'm fine, I'm okay. Turn the water off and hand me a towel?” You ask and he reached over to turn it off, worried eyes finding you again and his hands seeking to look for whatever was causing you to bleed, but you grab his hands to make him focus on you. “It came Curtis. I'm not pregnant.”

His face is just stunned, his shirt half clinging to him from where he had leaned into the spray to check on you, and you couldn't help but giggle at the way he looked, blinking water out of his face before he repeated what you said. “You're not pregnant...?” the realization flooded his expression to relief and you nodded with a grin. “You're not pregnant!” He repeated and drew you into his arms, hugging each other out of relief. “Oh Babygirl, thank god. Are you okay?” He leaned back to look at you, and moved to get up and grab a towel, holding it open for you. Pulling yourself to a stand, you step into it, feeling prominently better then you had since you were raped.

“Relief Curtis, I just feel light as air. I didn't know what we were going to do if I was.” You pressed your face into his chest, breathing in deeply while he rubbed your back through the towel.

“We would have done everything we could, just like for any other child,” Curtis assured you, thanking everything under the moon and stars though that you weren't made to go through that as well as everything else that had happened. You mumbled in his chest, and lifted your face to look up at him. “I will go see Price in the morning, just to be sure.”

“Thank you.” Curtis kissed your forehead and let his hands cup your face, kissing you in that slow way that made your heart flutter, you opened to him, your tongue sliding with his and a soft moan between you two. Curtis pulled back and let his forehead rest against yours, his hands had fallen to your hips and his fingers flexed through the terry cloth. “You better get dressed Babygirl.” Both your eyes closed, merely breathing in each other before he moved to kiss your forehead and released you.

Curtis left you to pull on a large tee, it swept well down your thighs that you've been sleeping in as we as well as a pair of panties with a liner, brushing all your hair out, and debating about putting it up, you recalled that Curtis loved your long hair. Spreading it around your shoulders, you brush it out more till it's soft waves were shining, and once you checked to make sure any mess was gone. Flicking off the switch you came into the room being dark, Curtis sitting on the edge of the bed, waiting for you to get in since you always slept against the wall. When he saw you, his hands opened up and you happily stepped into them, resting your cheek against the top of his head.

Nuzzling against your ribcage for a moment, and his hands sliding up and down along your sides, you let your fingers slide through the back of his head, and along his neck. “Today was a good day, right?” You ask softly while lifting your head to look at him. Your hands settled on his bare shoulders. Curtis lifted his head just a bit and looked up at you, flattening his hands against the small of your back and pulling you in closer. “It was a good day Babygirl.” His hands lightly pressed against the back of your thighs and you shifted to straddle him, letting your forehead rest against his. “Even with everything that happened today, it was a good day.” His arm tightened around you and shifted back with a slight roll so he could lay you down and shifted to his side next to you.

Loping an arm around your hip and kissing your shoulder, you slid in closer to his heat while he dragged the blankets that was collected. You felt him relax under your fingers playing in his hair, and although you didn't fall into the same lull that he did, his breathing turned shallower, soft snores rolling from his chest. Twisting to your side, his hand instinctively tightened around you, but you weren't going anywhere. Your gaze was able to follow the lines of his face from the window right behind your head, casting the room in a silver glow. Your thoughts drifted.

You were lucky, You knew it. Curtis had been with you since practically you came on the train, kept you alive and safe. You've done what you could to show your love back over the years, but you knew in this you wouldn't still be here if it wasn't for him. Even these past few weeks, surviving through the revolt, he didn't even realize it was coming back to him that saved her from the attackers. Everyone was so focused on surviving, they forgot why they survived.

If it wasn't for Curtis, they would be wasted away in the darkness, a forgotten memory of a past life.

And he never asked for anything in return. Not really. Not even during this time where you were slowly opening back up did he push for me. And another day, another time you would have fallen into that mind-frame that he no longer wanted you. But you knew better, just that morning you happened to see him relieving himself in the shower, barely catching whispers of your name, just under the sounds of his grunts. You knew he was trying to be quiet, not wanting to pressure you.

A soft shift and your name brought you out of your thoughts, and Curtis was leaning on his elbow, blue eyes searching your face. “What's on your mind Babygirl?” he had expected you to deal with some conflicting emotions since finding out that you were not pregnant, but you just looked at him with a soft expression, leaning into him and kissing him deeply, your hands clutching his shoulders and leaning back, bringing him along, and the kisses turned more feverish. Curtis groaned against your lips and down along your jawline, hissing softly against your neck. “Are you sure?” His head lifted, his hands cupping your face to search you for any doubt, any sign that you didn't want him to touch you and make love to you.

Your hands splayed over his chest raised just above you, spreading your fingers through the crisp dark scattering of hair and hummed softly in appreciation of the feeling against your palms, nodding. “Please Curtis... I miss you. But I'm scared.”

His head tilted and those kisses against your neck went to your face, each one a well placed soft brushed of lips warming you. “scared of what Babygirl?”

“What-what if I'm broken?” Your brows furrowed, and your fingers eased to his back, tracing along the flexing of muscles.

“Babygirl, you're not broken. I promise.” Curtis rubbed along your hip under your shirt. “But there's no rush Y/N.”

Your eyes roamed him and then your hands folded into your shirt and you pulled it off, letting it fall off the end on the bed.

“Show me.” You lean back into the pillows, and then Curtis shifted, wide shoulders blocking out the rest of the room as he leaned over you, leaving you gasping underneath him. Tilting your head back to give him access to your neck, outside, the stars.

There were so many stars and those desired kisses on your neck, his calloused hand sliding along your skin.

Your breathing came out in rushes, the stars going blurry in your vision. Curtis's hand grasped your chin lightly and made you look at him.

"Babygirl, I got you. Your safe."

@what-is-your-plan-today @p8tn0lish @jtargaryen18 @stardancerluv @princess-evans-addict @patzammit @fckdeusername @that-damn-girl @curtisbbq @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123 @thatweirdwalangpake @simsadventures

#curtis everett #curtis everett x reader #curtis everett and reader #curtis everett x y/n #curtis everett x you #snowpiercer #snowpiercer fanfic #snowpiercer fic #curtis everett fanfiction #curtis fanfiction #curtis everett fic #chris evans fanfic #chris evans fic #snowpiercer fandom #fanfiction #curtis fic #snowpiercer fanfiction

132 notes · View notes

rachelbethhines · 4 years

Text

Tangled Salt Marathon - Goodbye and Goodwill

This one of those filler episodes that, at first glance, seems to have a purpose, but then goes on to undermine itself and the greater story at every turn.

Summary: In hopes of further uplifting the spirits of the citizens, Rapunzel decides to bring the Goodwill festival to Vardaros, but the citizens are not enthusiastic about the upcoming festivities until Cassandra presents daring and dangerous activities. Rapunzel and Cassandra attempt to work together, but they quickly begin to argue and disagree, resulting in them breaking off their partnership and planning their own separate events. However, Rapunzel notices everyone is more interested in Cassandra's ideas and attempts a reconciliation, but the competitiveness between them further escalates and Rapunzel prepares the final event, featuring both dangers and thrills. Eugene tries to help Rapunzel and Cassandra mend their friendship and handcuffs them together. Meanwhile, Lance and Hook Foot are in charge of finding a gopher for the final event, but bring back a dangerous Sneezeweasel instead

So Why Are We Still Here?

No really, why are we still here? There’s no reason for this. Last episode we stuck around because there was a problem to solve, but here Rapunzel is just doing whatever crap she feels like doing instead of focusing on the problem. Which is a flaw in of itself because it undermines tension.

There’s nothing to push the action forward. There’s no threat nor danger to avoid or stop. The rocks are no longer a problem, there’s no villain left to challenge the heroes, and they aren’t on any timer. So why should we, the audience, care about this quest?

Season two winds up being the most boring season because it’s 80% filler. You could cut out over half the episodes and you’d miss nothing of value.

If the show writers wanted to do cutesy slice of life stuff that only focuses on the interpersonal relationships of the mains, then it shouldn’t have added an overarching plot with actual stakes. It also should have had a core well defined cast that interacted with each other instead of just focusing on a duo or trio all the time.

The Very Existence of Vardaros Undermines Cass’s Arc

So Cass’s whole deal is that she wants to be a guard and, more importantly, wants praise and validation. Yet for some undetermined reason she can’t get that in Corona. Ignoring the fact that she very much does get that in Corona, (see season 1), you’re telling me that there was a whole city just waiting for a sheriff this whole time, one where Cass fits in perfectly and gets praise for being a tough guy, and is only a week away from Corona and her family, and yet I’m suppose to feel sorry for her for not getting off her butt and trying her hand elsewhere?

She’s 23 years old. She’s more than capable of taking care of herself and, as shown during season three, she’s able to leave any time she wants. Yet the show tries to throw a pity party for a grown woman who only screws herself over by not actually trying. Yeah, no. If she had little to no opportunities or if there was something actually standing in her way, then fine, but that’s not what we get.

When millennials like myself complain about not getting the jobs we trained for, it's because we live in a neoliberal dystopia that not only denies us opportunities and fails to pay us a living wage, but also places us in crippling debt just to get a chance to work these underpaid jobs. It’s not just us whining that we didn’t handed get what we want, it’s about survival.

I’m not going to feel sorry for someone who doesn’t get her arse kissed as much as she wants when there are people who can’t even pay rent right now. In universe we still have a whole town that’s been displaced from their homes, children in jail, poor people being persecuted, and a city whose river has dried up and is trying to recover from an economic fall out. What Cass wants should not matter in light of these more urgent problems.

I Understand What This Episode Is Trying to Do, But it Fails Because of Overexposure

So this is just a role reversal of Challenge of the Brave. It’s here to show the audience that Rapunzel isn’t perfect and that she can be just as petty and jealous as Cass herself. Unfortunately it undermines itself with three things.

First, is because we’ve had this same argument before. Not just in Challenge of the Brave, but in practically every plot that focuses on theses two characters. We’ve spent more time showing why they shouldn’t friends rather than building them up to be good friends. I still have no idea why these two hang out together. Ergo, I’ve little reason to care if they’re fighting yet again for the millionth time regardless of who is or isn’t in the wrong here.

Second, even when Rapunzel is wrong for once Cass still has to exacerbate the problem. Rapunzel came to Cass in this scene to apologize, only for Cass to pick a fight with her instead. Cassandra demands respect from everybody but can’t give even the most basic amount to anyone else, not even her best friend. So yes, Rapunzel is being a jealous jerk here, but I can’t root for Cassandra either. The point behind showing both sides are wrong conflicts is to make both sides relatable, not make the audience hate both of the characters. Why should I endear myself to two jackoffs who can’t show a modicum of basic human decency?

Last, Rapunzel is only ever shown to be wrong when dealing with Cass. Raps is never called out in her mistrement of Caine, Varian, Eugene, Treavor, Dewyne, her own parents, ect. Yes, most of this is a season three problem specifically, but it shows the creators’ bias loud and clear. Their precious OC is the only character that they actually care about. She gets special treatment over everyone else, even the main character of the show. That’s bad fanfiction levels of writing that I don’t expect to see in a name brand show, but here we are.

Even When Rapunzel is in the Wrong She is Still Validated

Okay, so this is a call back to when Rapunzel threw Cass and Eugene into a jail cell during Cassandra vs Eugene. That was a very bad thing for her to do, but here is Eugene taking inspiration from that instead of actually acknowledging that what Rapunzel does is wrong. Also to further the bias on the show, the girls get onto Eugene several times for this, but of course Rapunzel never saw such push back when she did it. And to put the cherry on top of a shit sundae, this plan once again works.

If you can’t figure out away for you’re characters to resolve their issues outside of locking them together in a room or forcibly shackling them together, then you don't have a good conflict and you’re characters don't have a good relationship dynamic. And this isn’t the first nor last time will have to deal with this crap.

Nothing is Learned

We’ve already heard this same apology before and we’ll see it done numerous times over. Rapunzel is still going to keep on being a control freak and Cass is going to keep on putting her own ‘glory’ over others well being. And they’re both going to keep on fighting over petty validation all the way up until the last episode of the whole series.

If you can resolve your conflict in a three minute conversation but keep dragging it out anyways while adding unnecessary and forced stakes to keep up the tension, then you just don’t have a good plot. The writers needed to go back to square one and rethink the entire bases of their story pitch, cause as is, there’s just not enough here to carry a three season long story arc. Not one that keeps the mains likable anyways.

No, You Won’t

We spent three whole episodes building up this town and introducing new characters and not a single one of them comes back into play. That’s poor time management and it’s once again a lack of set up and resolve.

Conclusion

The whole Vardaros arc is a waste of time. Outside of Adria’s introduction, which is divorced from the town anyways, I’d tell people to skip it entirely. There’s no point to any of it.

#tangled #anti-tangled #anti-cassandra #anti-rapunzel #tangled the series #rapunzel's tangled adventure

64 notes · View notes

mariaiscrafting · 3 years

Note

What if I’m Latino and want to draw sapnap as Latino as well? Is neurodivegent headcanons for the dream team okay but this isn’t?

I’ll admit, the lines are blurred with Dream SMP characters because they are both characters and representative of real people. If you want, I can talk about the various levels of Problematic™ that are involved in this question, and since I’m bored and procrastinating, let’s get into it:

First off, there is, actually a history of Tumblr fanartists in particular drawing traditionally white characters as POC and getting backlash for it, so honestly, I’m not totally agains the practice. Frankly, drawing classic characters as POC when they haven’t really been confirmed as any race - just assumed to be the default of white - isn’t a bad thing. One such example is Hermione, who many fanartists have depicted as black, with curly hair or an afro. Because Hermione’s character and story are not intrinsically tied to any particular cultural or explicit details that would make it logically flawed to hc her as non-white, there’s really nothing wrong with this.

This is different from the opposite because it is a way for non-white audiencemembers to drive home the point that non-white Americans/Europeans are, in many ways, just like their white counterparts. That is to say, whether Hermione is black or white doesn’t change who she is; she can be a white English lady or a black English lady, but being black doesn’t necessarily mean she would act any differently or be a totally different person. It is a means to combat the assumption that any American/European character whose culture isn’t explictly brought up by the creator of a work is white.

This isn’t the same as the opposite - portraying POC characters as white - because the latter is a form of whitewashing. When you portray assumed-white characters as POC, you are not erasing anything from that character, while portraying POC characters as white erases their culture, the visibility of that ethnic group/race, and any details the creator of the content might have included in their story about that character. That’s why films are criticized for casting white actors to play POC characters, and artists are criticized for lightening character’s skin tones or erasing physical features of theirs that can be attributed to their ethnic/racial identity.

Now the question with portraying Sapnap as Latino is, is this wrong, exactly? I’d like to preface by saying that everything I’ve said about portraying Sapnap as Latino has been purely my opinion. At the end of the day, I’m not an expert on racial theory or art; I’m just a poli sci major who’s taken a couple courses on racism and has talked and learned a bit about POC in media. You can come to whatever conclusions you like, at the end of the day, and portray him however you like, love.

As I see it, there are several reasons portraying Sapnap as Latino is Problematic™. First off, Sapnap and other white members of the Dream SMP already have problems with recognizing POC and the implications of POC within the SMP. Sapnap has actually answered a donation before by saying that he’s not 100% white because he’s part-Greek, completely unironically and without recognizing why him saying that was wrong. Imo, this indicates a lack of understanding for what it really means to be a POC in Western countries that so many white people exhibit. Being a person of color in Western Europe, the US, Canada, Australia, etc., means functioning within a society where you have to battle with yourself everyday your own, multiple, and seemingly contradictory identities. It means functioning within a society where you have to navigate the crossroads of oppression within you must survive. White people who falsely claim that they aren’t white like this simply don’t understand or are even aware of exactly what it means to be shaped by the oppression of being a person of color. They believe that being a person of color, beyond occassionally experiencing explicit racism, is just a label and a tie to one’s ancestry, when it’s much more beyond that. And the thing is, Sapnap can’t claim that label because he simply hasn’t gone through the lived experience of a POC in the United States. And that’s fine. It’s fine to be white, and to just be a little ignorant to your whiteness. I’m not attacking Sapnap by pointing this all out, I’m just stating facts.

Secondly, this would mean that a 100% white person is essentially playing the role of a Latino character, which is already a far-too common practice in film and TV showmaking. Then again, I will admit that a counter-argument can be made here, in that, headcanons are not actually canon to the Dream SMP plot. For example, Ranboo has told his audience he’s fine with viewers headcanon’ing his character as nonbinary, even though Ranboo himself is cisgender. This is an ambiguous aspect of his character that can be manipulated however the viewers like since there has been nothing within the canon to refute it, so far. However, it would be a different matter entirely if Ranboo, a cisgender man, attempted to write his character as a nonbinary person and then act out that nonbinary character himself. That would actually be unjust and kinda fucked. Now, along a similar vein, one could argue that audiencemembers headcanon’ing Sapnap as Latino isn’t really a bad thing since it isn’t Sapnap himself trying to portray what he believes a Latino character would be like. So I get the potential counter-argument there.

Thirdly, my main problem with this whole drawing Sapnap as Latino ordeal is the hypocrisy of it all. Far too often within this fandom, I see fanartists and writers erase Quackity’s ethnic identity, whitewashing him in their art or completely disregarding his race in their work. And while one could argue that the lack of focus in this fandom on Skeppy can be explained by his infrequent streams and departure from the SMP lore, Ponk is rarely drawn or written about, and he streams regularly and always has something going on with his character, in side plots or otherwise. I just find it lowkey absurd that this fandom thirsts for a Latino character so bad that it has to portray Sapnap, who is played by a white actor, as Latino, when there are other POC whose identities are either disregarded or the characters as a whole ignored.

Fourth, my main question, at the end of the day, is, why are we not advocating for more POC in the SMP? Why headcanon characters as POC, when they could literally just make an effort to uplift more POC CCs, who are highly marginalized within the streamer and Youtube communities? I’m Latinx too, mate, and I’d fucking love more POC characters to fall in love with, but Sapnap isn’t the one to fill that hole.

Regarding other sorts of headcanons and how those relate to headcanon’ing characters as different races: my thoughts on this are way too complicated, at the moment. But to sum it up as concisely as possible: a) I am not neurodivergent, as far as I know, so I cannot do the subject nearly as much justice as a neurodivergent person could; b) my thoughts still kinda align with the same thought process as race - that it’s useful to hc characters as neurodivergent because it helps to break stigmas that ND people are so vastly different from neurotypical people that traditionally-assumed neurotypical people couldn’t possibly actually be ND; c) I would still advocate for more ND representation in the SMP, rather than try to warp the neurotypical people’s characters to fit into that yearn for representation that I so desire; d) there actually are ND people on the SMP - a couple of people with ADHD, as far as I know - who do exhibit ND characteristics in their characters/lore, as well, so frankly, why not give those characters ND hc’s?

Anyways, this was so much longer than I wanted it to be and I still don’t know if I fully articulated my take on the subject properly. It’s really just too complicated a subject to be applied to Dream SMP fanart, so my conclusion is: Imma diss people for drawing Sapnap as Latino when Quackity is RIGHT THERE, and you can draw him however the hell you like. At the end of the day, we’re both just people obsessing over block men, and there’s no significant harm that will come from either of our opinions or your artwork. I hope this was a satisfying answer, and seriously, thank you for getting me to write this all out because it actually made me realize that I’m not as fully against the idea as I thought I was <3

#sapnap #mcyt #dream smp #racism #whitewashing #asks #i spent a solid 25 minutes on this jfc #and its not even that well written #Anonymous

15 notes · View notes

behindheremeraldeyes · 4 years

Text

title: duty calls chapter 2

[ch.1] [ffnet] [ao3]

summary: It’s been a while since the Uchiha moved out of her apartment, and so far, living with his best friend has proved itself to be quite the challenge. The pandemic was still far from over, and though they were both following the orders and staying inside, their hearts ached for the one who had to stay out there.

a/n: It’s finally here! Chapter 2 of Duty Calls, as we were all expecting it, and I just gotta thank you all for the wonderful feedback I’ve received after posting chapter 1! Here in Brazil, things are still far from being controlled, and though my family is fine, It’s still overwhelming to see all the numbers rising every day. I’ve tried to use a bit of my experience to continue this story and even if I know it was my way of coping, I understand that, for someone else, it might be too much, so take it easy, ok? Times are though, for sure, but we’ll get through this! Again, I hope you enjoy this fic, and as always, I would love to know your opinion on it!

And in a matter of 3 weeks, the city of Konoha was no longer the same.

Though safety measures had been taken and people had been careful, it all proved itself pointless once the first case of the new coronavirus was confirmed. The patient was a young man, around his thirties, who had just returned from a business trip to the Sand Country. The protocols were followed and he was isolated from the rest of the society, but by the time the sanitary agents had finished talking to his neighbours, the second case was confirmed, and eventually, the third, fourth, tenth and the hundredth. The numbers wouldn’t stop as countless new cases were popping up every day, and it was possible to see the silent fear that had taken over the city.

At first, the infection was nothing but a faraway reality to most citizens. It was just something people were talking about on the news and no one really felt like it had anything to do with them. They thought it would never happen to them. However, the virus got closer, to the point where everyone knew of someone who tested positive. Most stories, sure, were about asymptomatic people who had nothing more than a headache, but whenever those stories escalated— whenever someone they knew ended up unconscious and with a tube down their throat— that was when people got really afraid.

In every district, rough metal doors now decorated the streets, and instead of colourful shop windows inviting the costumers to come inside, only closed signs and motivating messages could be seen. “It will pass”, “we will get through this”, “stay inside” and so many others that would only be seen by those who had a good reason to leave the safety of their houses. Those messages— and so many other entertaining initiatives suggested by digital influencers and famous artists—, for sure, were very uplifting at the beginning of the whole pandemic, when most people actually believed everything would be solved in a week or two.

Up until then, the COVID-19 was nothing but a global adventure for those who weren’t sick— or at least didn’t know they were—and it would be over before anyone got the chance to even become bored. It would be a chance to take a break from everything and sleep until noon for a couple of days before life returned to normal.

'Soon it would all be over', they said, and people were truly satisfied with just that.

'Soon'.

But as the days went by and the situation started to go south, people realized that their precious ‘soon’ would take longer than any of them had initially planned.

By the end of March, people weren’t as excited as they used to be, and now, as everyone watched as Spring went by through closed windows, hope was no longer a familiar feeling and fear had invaded most of the residences around the city. The citizens had turned pessimistic regarding the uncertain future, and some of them were even going through the 7 stages of grief as they mourned their long-lost life.

Times were tough. For those who could stay at home and for those who couldn’t but forced themselves to, times were really tough.

Even for those who don’t usually go out that much, staying stuck inside 4 walls was proving itself to be quite the challenge. Staring at the same things and at the same people— if there even were people— was starting to take its toll on everyone, and there were days when it was just too much. Sure, every case was a case and people reacted differently to the current situation, but eventually, everyone was due to get sick of that life.

And Uchiha Sasuke was no exception.

After his girlfriend kicked him out in order to protect him, the raven haired boy ended up staying with his best friend. For they were always together, Naruto’s guest-room was basically the Uchiha's spare room, and it’s proven itself quite useful whenever he and the pinkette engaged in one of their lover’s spat.

They didn’t fight much, but when they did—well— it was better to stay out of it.

Still, even if he didn’t have to spend two months sleeping on a couch, to say sharing the apartment with the blonde was easy would be a huge lie. They’re too different, both of them. Though best friends since they were in their dippers, both Sasuke and Naruto have very strong personalities and it doesn’t take much for them to start a fight. They’re stubborn, hot-headed and neither of them would even dream about admitting to be mistaken. In other words, chances were that they would end up killing each other before the end of the quarantine.

The Uchiha needed space. He needed a full day without listening to that annoying ‘dattebayo!’ or seeing those ramen cups pilling up all over the sink. The blonde wouldn’t move a finger to help with the chores, and if it depended on him, the trash would stay there until it decomposed itself. Naruto is a slob and living with him has made Sasuke reconsider his early life choices.

How could someone who leaves his unwashed clothes all around the place be his best friend?

Their friendship, as the Uchiha concluded, was not meant to be put to test like that. They should have never been forced to share the same roof for more than 7 days and the pandemic was nowhere near its end.

There was no way both of them would survive another month together. They had to do something. They had to talk things through and establish some rules in order to make that whole experience less traumatic. Sasuke was more than aware of that, but there was just no way he would be the first to suggest anything, no.

Naruto would have to grow up and admit to be a failure as a productive member of the society.

And until that happened, the only thing the raven haired boy could do was sulk. Sulk and take long showers so he could completely ignore Naruto’s existence for a while.

Yes, those long showers were probably the one thing keeping the Uchiha from murdering his best friend, and right now, he was really glad to be taking one. The warm water running down his skin, soothing his muscles and taking his mind away from the messy apartment. During his showers, he could, for once, think clearly about what was happening in the world, and most importantly, what was probably happening to his girlfriend.

What could she be doing at that moment? Was the hospital already crowded? Was she okay?

Though they face-timed every day, it still wasn’t enough for him to ask all the questions that haunted his dreams and to just talk about nothing in order to make up for the lost time. Day after day, whenever her pretty face showed up on his computer screen, Sasuke could feel a heavy weight being lifted from his chest. Normally, she would be smiling and her bright, emerald eyes would shine brighter whenever he said anything about wanting to kill Naruto in his sleep.

After talking about their respective days, he would ask her if she was eating and sleeping properly, and even if she would always try to change the subject at that point, he would glare at her until she talked so he could scold her for being irresponsible. He would, then, ask her if she needed anything and tell her to go get some rest before the call ended. They never parted with a ‘goodbye’, choosing, instead, to say ‘I'll see you soon”. Even though they had never really talked about the reason behind that choice of words, through the silent glances exchanged by their eyes, it was possible to tell they both knew it.

Oh, they knew it too well. For she is a front-liner and he is no fool, they knew better than to just believe things would be solved in a matter of days. It would be long until they could finally meet face to face again— until they could feel their hands brushing against one another and the scent of their bodies pressed tight— so they figured that, in the midst of the chaos that was now wiping the world, they could allow themselves to be fooled by a white lie.

Their soon would come. When, they didn’t know, but it would come before either of them could say goodbye.

Though the hot water was doing wonders to both his body and soul, the Uchiha knew he couldn't stay there forever. After releasing a defeated sigh, he turned off the shower and wrapped a towel around himself. Water was still dripping from his hair as he dried his body, and the steam surrounding him clouded the mirror and every glassy object inside the bathroom. Apparently, he had spent too much time in there this time, he thought, but couldn’t find it in himself to care. He ran his fingers through his soaking, dark locks, ruffling them a bit as to prevent them from sticking to his face. He took a deep breath, then, and finally decided to leave his private, sacred shrine.

With no rush or excitement, the door finally opened and all the steam came out with him. The towel was still wrapped around his hips, and silently, the Uchiha started to make his way towards the bedroom. The apartment was quiet, at first, and he wondered if the Uzumaki went to the convenience store in order to buy more of that industrialized ramen he loves so much. Even if both him and Sakura were always telling him that he shouldn’t leave the house unless it was very important, Naruto apparently considered ramen a vital necessity.

He really is an idiot, Sasuke thought, as he was getting closer to his room. His hand was about to reach out for the doorknob, but before he could turn it—

“Ha! You look really funny like that-ttebayo! Have you ever worn so many clothes? And can’t you take some of them off?”

The Uchiha stopped. It was Naruto’s voice, and apparently, he was talking to someone. Dark eyes widened for an instance when he realized that it was coming from inside of his room, and before he could act on that, Sasuke allowed his best-friend the benefit of doubt regarding his reasons to be there.

Could the dobe be having a private conversation with someone? Was it work related or could he be chatting with a girl? That idiot should better not be doing anything disgusting or—

“Okay, I see that you have to go now. As soon as he leaves his beauty shower, I’ll let Teme know you called. Bye-bye, Sakura-chan!”

Sakura, Sasuke thought, as his heart skipped a beat. Why was she calling at such hour? It hadn’t even been 5 hours since her last shift had ended, so what was she doing awake at that moment? There was something wrong, he thought. He really should ask her and—

Shit.

His mouth went agape as soon as he remembered Naruto’s ‘bye-bye’ and before he could even think, the door was already flying open.

“Oi, Naruto, don’t hang up—“

“Ah!” Naruto screamed, blue eyes widening as he rolled over the bed and fell on the floor. Luckily, he was wearing wireless earphones, so the computer— Sasuke’s computer— didn’t share the blonde’s fate.

“Tch.” Sasuke scoffed, clearly not caring if Naruto was fine or not. He walked pass the blonde in order to reach his computer, but his efforts proved useless for the call had already ended. The Uchiha closed his eyes in annoyance, cursing himself— and Naruto— for not being able to talk to the pinkette. For a couple of seconds, he kept staring at his computer screen, wondering if he should call her back or not.

What if it was an emergency? No, Naruto wouldn’t have been so calm if that had been the case. Maybe she just needed something from him? But that could wait until after she had slept. Thanks to his current state of overprotection towards her, his mind was playing tricks on him and nothing seemed logic.

What could she possibly want from him? And why wasn’t she calling from her usual ID? Could it be that she had been robbed or—

“Ouch!” The blonde said, sitting with his legs crossed on the floor. “Why the hell did you scare me like that, teme!? That hurt-ttebayo!”

“Stop whining like a child, Naruto. Why the hell didn't you tell me Sakura was calling?”

“Because you were taking your precious shower.”

“So what?”

“Last time I interrupted your you-time, you scolded me for hours and told me never to do that again!”

“But this was Sakura calling. It was important!”

“So was that documentary about koalas!”

“You are an idiot, Naruto!” The Uchiha sighed, walking towards the desk near his bed to reach out for his phone. He was clearly aware that trying to discuss that matter with the blonde would lead to nothing, so he decided to just skip all that nonsense. “I'm just gonna call Sakura and ask her myself.”

“Don’t sweat it. She won’t answer you-ttebayo.”

“And why not?”

“Because she’s finally opened her eyes to see the big jerk you are.”

“Naruto!”

He giggled. It was always too easy. "She's busy right now.”

“Busy?” He lifted his brows in confusion, checking the hour on his phone just to make sure. “Why is she busy right now? She said she wasn’t be going back to the hospital until later tonight.”

“Yeah…about that” Naruto started, scratching his cheek with one finger. “She said there was a problem at the hospital and she had to go cover for someone who tested positive.”

“What? Did she have to go now?”

“Yep.” He nodded. “In fact, she even called from the hospital computer. I barely recognized her with all of those masks and glasses. I took a screen shot of her for future blackmail-ttebayo!”

“Fuck.” He cursed, closing his eyes in pure annoyance and using his fingers to massage his temples. Apart from the dobe’s stupid idea of fun, knowing his girlfriend was already back in the hospital made his heart feel heavier inside his chest.

If they were asking her to get back and cover for someone, Sasuke figured things were probably getting worse out there. It was expected for some health professionals— if not most of them— to be contaminated, but seeing a person who’s always working so close to other various diseases being defeated by this virus was never really easy. In fact, whenever that happened, the entire world was silenced.

Another soldier was down. Another health worker, just like Sakura, who would be lucky enough if they were able to stay home and healthy for 14 days.

Knowing things like that were happening so close to his girlfriend and knowing she would be the one suffering the consequences left him even more worried. She was probably still tired from the previous night, and knowing her like he does, Sasuke was sure she wasn’t even aware of that. Haruno Sakura is a workaholic, has always been. She loves her job and she’s one hell of a good doctor, but all that love and dedication has taken its toll on her life many times before.

For working has become her coping mechanism, Sakura tended to forget about herself whenever the hospital demanded more from her, and now, during the pandemic, things were no different. In fact, they were getting worse and worse by the day, and even if Sasuke called her every day to guarantee she was doing well, it was not the same as when he could actually be there.

She was ignoring herself, he knew. On March 28th, when they called her in order to wish her a happy birthday, the pinkette didn’t even know what day it was. He had scolded her for that, sure, but he knew it was useless. She was going to keep working herself to the bones, and the only thing he could do was face-time her during dinner time.

Really helpful, he thought, bitterly. Still, it was better than nothing. Every victory against workaholic Sakura was already a great victory, and considering the current scenario, it was all he could do.

Almost all.

“Did she say anything else, Dobe?” He asked, his voice filled with displeasure.

“Oh, right!” He nodded, eagerly. “She also asked you to order her some groceries online since she won’t have time to go to the supermarket herself.”

“Hn.” The Uchiha started, sitting on his bed and getting his laptop in order to access the website of her usual grocery store. Since the beginning of the pandemic, that small shop near her apartment has developed a delivery service for usual customers, and they were even making a special offer for people who were still out there. It was really nice to see so many people looking out for each other, and on behalf of his girlfriend, he could only thank those kinds of initiatives.

“Oh! And she also said not to pay for her. She told you to use her credit-card or else she will be pissed like last time-ttebayo!”

“Tch. That audio she sent me was unnecessary.”

“I thought it was very hilarious.”

“Shut up.” Sasuke pouted, his eyes staring at the screen and choosing the items.

“Heh” Naruto smirked, crawling so he could approach the Uchiha. "What are you gonna buy her, Teme?”

“The essential, of course.”

“Essential?!” The blonde repeated, a bit exasperatedly. “Jeez, teme! Let me see it.” The blonde stated, reaching for Sasuke’s computer in order to see what he was adding to the cart.

“Oi, knock it off!”

“Onions, tomatoes, vegetables, raw meat… You really don’t know how to buy food, bastard.”

“What? I don’t see what’s the matter with these things. It’s what I usually buy for us. It’s enough to prepare good and healthy meals.”

“Yeah, I’m sure they are, but you’re forgetting something very important.”

“Oh, really? And what is it?”

“We have time to cook. And when I say we, I mean you.” He started, with a grin on his face. “She probably gets home exhausted most of the days and she definitely doesn't have enough energy to cook, so you have to buy something easy to prepare."

“Are you saying we should buy her a stock of frozen food and instant ramen; and ignore all the rest?” He said, sarcasm dripping from his tongue.

“Well, not a stock, but she definitely needs some frozen food and some bowls of instant ramen."

“She needs to eat properly, dumbass!”

“She needs to eat, bastard!” the blonde started, and even if the tone of his voice didn’t change much, somehow, the Uchiha could see the concern hidden in his words. Though he knew he wasn’t the only one worried about Sakura’s safety, sometimes, he tended to forget Naruto could also be a decent person in times of need. “Once she has enough energy and time to prepare decent meals, then we will worry about the properly part.”

“Hn.” Sasuke closed his eyes for a second before giving the blonde his usual stoic face. “I’m gonna put on some clothes. Don’t spend too much on this crap or else she will be mad and I will blame you.”

“Yosh!” A smile showed up on the Uzumaki’s face as he scrolled around the shop’s website. After spending some time isolated and helping his older neighbours with the groceries, Naruto knew exactly what he should buy for his girl-best-friend and he knew she would be thankful for a bowl of ramen whenever she got home and didn’t feel like cooking.

And so, even if leaving Naruto unsupervised around his things was quite a risky decision, Sasuke put on his clothes and left the room. He had his phone with him, and as soon as the blonde said he was finished, the Uchiha sent his girlfriend a message.

‘Groceries Ordered. Call me when you get home.’

After sending it, his dark eyes kept staring at her picture, a longing feeling taking over his heart. Sasuke remembered when she took that picture of herself, and mostly, he remembered how happy they all were while having dinner at Naruto’s favourite restaurant. It was just the three of them for the night, and even if he normally hates crowded places, for the first time, he hadn’t been bothered by the people around them. They were all laughing and her smile that night was brighter than all the lights of Konoha.

Her smile…

At that moment, in the middle of that mess, he couldn’t really recall when was the last time she truly smiled. In a matter of weeks, not only the pinkette, but all of them were deprived of reasons to be truly happy. They were worried, scared and too immersed in this pandemic to even think about happy.

Happy would happen after life got back to normal. Or, at least, as normal as it could get.

Without noticing, he took a deep breath, locking his phone screen and heading towards the kitchen so he could start preparing lunch. Waiting for a fast reply would be useless, he knew. Sakura barely had time to breath, let alone text someone; and using her phone at the hospital was yet another risk of taking the virus home. She would answer him when and if she could. And until then, he would do what he had to do.

As a normal citizen, he would continue to do his part.

–––––––––––––––––––

Her reply didn’t arrive until later that day.

The clock was already striking past 11pm and the blonde had long succumbed to his dreams. The midnight edition of the national news was about to start, and if the Uchiha had to be honest, he didn’t even know why he had left the tv on the news channel in the first place. The stories were all the same, the cases were growing and people were being hospitalized. They were all the same— and he knew it— but he had decided to leave that on anyway, and right now, after his phone had buzzed inside his pocket, he realized he had probably drifted off at some point.

His eyes blinked slowly as they adjusted to the bright screen, and though he had just woken up from a nap, all of the sleepiness had disappeared as soon as he read the notification with her name.

At last, he thought.

He used his fingerprint to unlock his phone and slowly, he stood up from the couch. He turned off the tv, and as he had started his way towards his room, he read the message she had just sent him.

‘I'm home. R u still up?’

‘Yeah' He answered, shortly, opening the door.

‘How about Naruto?’

‘Fast asleep.’

‘Ok. Is it too late for me to call you?’

Tch. Silly girl, he thought, clearly not even considering her concern. ’Turning on my computer. I’ll call you in a minute.’

‘Ok.’

While his computer loaded, the Uchiha made sure to connect his ear pods so they could have a private conversation. Though he was glad to know she was already home and answering his texts, he couldn’t seem to ignore that odd feeling growing inside his guts. He tried to shake it off while clicking the face-time icon, but it was of no use.

Maybe, he thought, it had something to do with the fact that he had just woken up. Maybe he was still a bit sleepy or, maybe, it was just a side effect from the pandemic playing tricks on him.

Yes, he was definitely overreacting, he concluded, as his ears were filled with those continuous beeps. Sakura was fine. She was certainly—

Oh, fuck.

As her image finally showed up on his computer screen, his eyes widened in pure shock and he was sure his sudden reaction didn't go unnoticed by his girlfriend. His lips slightly parted and he could feel his heart sinking inside his chest. Her face was red— swollen, even— and her eyes were bloodshot, emptied of any glimpse of light. Red, prominent lines were drawn across her face, going from the bridge of her nose and down until her chin, as they perfectly delineated the marks of the masks she had to wear during the whole day. Her lips were pale, filled with cracks, and though there were no tears at that moment, he could tell they were brimming her eyes.

The girl with the prettiest of the smiles and the brightest of the eyes was, at that moment, in the brink of a breakdown. She was biting her lower lip as if to hold back more tears and he could see the way her eyes fidgeted from the screen.

It was as if she couldn’t look him in the eyes, as if she was ashamed, guilty or even both. She looked so frail and uncharacteristic that, for a split of second, it felt as if that girl— that destroyed image that was meant to be Haruno Sakura— wasn’t her at all. He had never seen her like that, not even on her worst days.

Sakura…What on earth had happened to her?

After a couple of seconds spent in a deafening silence, the Uchiha bit the insides of his cheeks, forcing himself to break that state of pure horror. He blinked a couple of times, and then— only then— he was able to let his voice out. “What happened?”

No reply. Her lips started to tremble as she looked away from the computer, trying her best to recompose herself.

“Sakura.” He pressed. “What the hell happened?”

“Oh, my, I can’t do this.” She looked at the screen, her body language growing anxious by the second, her hands reaching for the mousepad. “I-I knew I shouldn’t have called you, I’m sorry. Everything is fine. Go back to sleep.”

“What!? No! You’re clearly not fine. Don’t hang up!”

“I’m sorry, Sasuke-kun, I—“

“If you do, I’ll take my car and drive to your place right now, Sakura! Don’t hang up.” He said, firmly, and thankfully, that made her stop.

“I-I don’t wanna trouble you.”

“Tch, don’t be stupid. I told you to call me if anything happened.” His voice held somewhat of a rough tone, and for a second, he could see that roughness had managed to make her listen to him. He took a deep breath, then, and after what felt like an eternal pause, Sasuke decided to be the one to start the conversation again. “First of all, just answer me this…Are you safe?”

She nodded, slowly, as if her head felt too heavy above her shoulders. “Yeah.” Her voice came out as a whisper, and though it was too fast, it just felt too much. It felt troubled, and if he dared say, ashamed, as if her safety was something unfair. Condemnable, even.

“Talk to me, Sakura.” His voice got lower, though anger still boiled inside his veins. Sasuke knew better than to let those emotions get the best of him, but he couldn’t help but what to blame someone— the whole world, for all he cared— for the pinkette’s current state. She was falling apart, and though he could see her in a screen less than 30 centimetres away from him, it pained him to know she was miles away from his reach.

Her eyes closed for a moment, and when they opened again, it was as if she had gathered some courage to finally put her feelings into audible words. She breathed in and out, but still not really looking into the webcam of her computer. “We’ve registered the first deaths today.” She started, her voice was rough, and though she was trying to sound professional— one of her many coping techniques— her emotions were taking the best of her. “And though it’s never easy to lose a patient, this time…Geez, It was so much worse.”

His heart skipped a beat at her words, and though he had listened to many of her hospital stories before, this one felt different. It felt heavier, macabre. “How worse?”

“We were making the rounds around the ICU when this guy, around his 70s, started calling our names. He sounded breathless and his oxygen levels started to drop so fast…” She bit her lip, her hand reaching out to her chest, clinging to her shirt. “He had been stable for three days already. He was making jokes and we even helped him call his wife yesterday because we were going to send him to a normal room, Sasuke-kun…But then, he suddenly couldn’t breath and—“ She paused, trying to find the next words as a tear slipped from her right eye. “—and when I saw it, my colleague was already intubating him and I was doing compressions because his heart had stopped, just like that.”

He could hear the sound of her exasperated breath, and for he knew she was still not done yet, Sasuke remained silent, giving her time to recollect her thoughts. There was still so much she had to let out. So much she had bottled up inside her chest and was now getting the best of her.

Such a strong woman. He wondered how much she had endured until it got that bad.

A muffled sob escaped her lips, and he knew she was ready— or anything remotely close to that— to continue her narrative. “He didn’t make it…We attested his death after half an hour or so, and now I remember looking at the people around me and we were just so…so taken back, you know? We weren’t expecting that outcome from that man, no. He was—“ Another tear slipped, and her voice cracked. “He was fine. He was recovering and he told his wife he was gonna go home. God, she cried so much on the phone when I told her.”

“Oh, Sakura…”

“But that was not all.” She swallowed, wiping her tears with the back of her hand. “Right after the impact of his death, a nurse called from the hallway, saying there was another patient in need of immediate assistance and… And we just left him there and it was as if we were relieving that whole thing, but with a woman around her 50s, instead.”

“And what happened to her?” He asked, lowly, though he was already sure of what her answer would be.

“We lost her, too.” She closed her eyes, dropping her head in mild despair. When she lifted it back, more tears were streaming down her face. “I knew we would not be able to save everyone from this virus and I knew there would be deaths, eventually, but…But I never thought we wouldn’t have time to mourn each of them. I thought we would have had time to think and to pay our respects before we were summoned again.” She gritted her teeth, anger now visibly spread across her exhausted featured. “Sasuke-kun, I thought things were going to be more humane even with those who died, but I was wrong! Now, they’re just numbers and there will be more like them soon. And their deaths will be on us!”

“Don’t even go there. It was not your fault and—“

“Yes, it was! We couldn’t save them, Sasuke-kun! And worse, we’re probably the ones spreading this crap out there! When we come home and when we go check other patients…This is on us."

“You’re wrong!”

“No, I’m not! People are scared of us, Sasuke-kun!!”

“What!? Who the hell would be stupid enough to be scared of you!?”

A smile filled with scorn and mockery took over her lips as she lifted her right hand. She was holding a white, small paper that looked like a post it, and as she turned it to the webcam, Sasuke just couldn’t believe what he was reading.

‘You’re gonna kill us all! Get out!’

His lips went agape as his mind tried to find the right words to describe what he was feeling. Seriously, how could people be so low? How could they be so cruel and insensitive towards another human-being who was just going home? These people really are beyond any salvation, he thought.

“I’ve found this note on my door when I got home today… And even if I don’t know whose handwriting is this, most of my neighbours are averting their eyes whenever I see them from afar… So, yeah, I guess I’m not imagining stuff."

“Sakura, you can’t let it get to you. These people don’t know what they’re talking about.”

“Yes, they do, Sasuke-kun.” She spoke, a little louder now. “They’re trying to protect themselves by staying at home and I’m the one bringing the virus to them! They will get sick, and then…And then they will be just number, too.”

Bitter tears were now flowing down her face and he knew she had finally let go of the very last string that held back her emotions and her anxieties. She was sobbing furiously, now, and at that moment, he really hated himself for not being there with her. Though he understood everything and was even tired of hearing her voice lecturing him about staying away, fuck, he just wanted to stomp out of the apartment and go to her. There wasn’t much he could do, for he couldn’t really give her the answer she wanted, but watching from afar as she crumbled apart was just too painful.

It wasn’t fair. That virus wasn’t fair to its victims and it sure as hell wasn’t fair to the front-liners who had to see such horrors repeating themselves day after day. The lack of a cure, the pressure to save lives and the uncertainty of the days that were to come. Just like her, many health workers were feeling powerless and lost in the middle of that chaos, and there was nothing anyone could do about it. In fact, even though people on Tv were showing their gratitude towards those who couldn’t stop working, reality showed how fear corrupted the human heart to the point where they didn’t think twice before being assholes in order to try to protect themselves.

Those were certainly rough times, where physical contact was banned, certainties were non-existent and there was no guarantee that anyone would find a solution before the next tragedy occurred.

The world was hurting. People were hurting.

But more importantly, for him, his girlfriend was hurting. And even if his heart was breaking for her, he knew he had to say something— anything— to help her get back on her feet. That was why she called, after all. She wanted his help since she was clearly not being able to manage it on her own. He had to help her. He had to be strong for both of them so she could once more be strong for those out there.

For she’s a practical and strong-willed woman, the Uchiha knew better than anyone that simple and heart-warming words would be of no use in order to calm her down, no. He would have to appeal to her good sense and her logical side. He had to remind her that, even if she was losing the battle, she was also the only one between them who stood a chance to win.

“Sakura.” He spoke, sounding firm so she could look at him. Her face had turned even redder due to the tears, and for an instance, he swore he saw her younger version who used to cry whenever the other kids were mean to her. He really had to bring her back. “What are you going to do now?”

“…What?”

“I've asked you, what are you going to do now?”

“I-I don’t know, I—“

"Are you going to give up?”

“Give up? No, I—“

"No doctor is forced to work during a pandemic if they don’t want to. You can quit, spend 14 days without leaving your apartment and then you can run back to your parents’. That’s an option.”

“Run back to my parents?” She asked, and the indignation behind her words gave him a certain hope that he was following the right direction.

“Yes. To be honest, I would feel quite better if you did it. Knowing you would be safe would spare me a lot of negative thoughts. We could even be together. That would be a good option, right?”

Through the cameras of their computers, they stared into each other’s eyes, and he made sure not to let his serious expression melt into a soft one. Dark eyes clashed against emerald ones, taunting them and daring the girl to take a stand. He was offering her a way out of that whole thing. He was showing her that there was another option if she felt like she couldn’t take it anymore.

Sakura could always give up and he had to make that option clear for her.

Clear enough so she could take the next step.

“Fuck you, Sasuke.”

Bingo.

Her eyes, though still red and a bit lifeless, were looking at him with a condemning stare. Though she had been looking like a child for the past hour or so, now he could finally see the traces of the mature woman she is. And even if it was still not enough to consider his job done, Sasuke could now hold onto something in order to bring her back.

“What? I’m just giving you an option.”

“No, you’re not.” She scoffed. “You know exactly what you’re doing, you jerk. You’re giving me a stupid option we both know I would never take just so you can make me feel less shitty.”

“Well…is it working?”

“…Maybe.” She said, softly, the tears now slowing down. “What will you do now?”

“Me? Hn, I should be the one saying this, don’t you think?” He looked at her with warmth in his eyes and he hoped she could feel it. “What are you going to do now, doctor?”

At first, she just stared at the screen, but slowly, her head started to move until she was nodding it up and down. Tears were still coming and her lips were still trembling, but she didn’t look that desperate or broken anymore, no. Sakura was slowly gathering her pieces, and he felt more relieved to see her like that. The pinkette took a deep breath, then, and he knew at that moment she had finally made up her mind.

“Probably something stupid.” Her voice came out, softly and unsure.

'Now that’s the Sakura I know.’

“I'm going back.” She continued, lowly at first, as if to taste the sound of her words as they were thrown into the universe. “Shannarou, I’m going back to that hellhole because that’s the only place in the middle of this mess that makes me feel slightly better with myself. I’m going back because that’s my job.” Her voice came out with all the confidence he knew she would be able to muster that night, and he figured that was their small victory of the day. She didn’t look that scared anymore, and perhaps, she was getting ready to move on for the night.

“Tch, there’s something definitely wrong with you, Sakura.”

“Yeah…I guess there is.” She said, softly, wiping the last tears that were falling from her eyes. “I guess not even a pandemic will keep me from working too much.”

“You're probably right, but…” He offered her a comforting smile, looking away from the webcam for a second before returning his attention back to her eyes. “I'm proud of you.”

Judging by the way her emerald eyes widened, it was possible to say his words caught her by surprise. Apparently, tears started to pool around her eyes once more, but she stopped them before they could fall. Her lips slightly curled up at that, as in a shy reaction, and even if he normally wouldn’t have said that, well, he figured she was in need of those words.

“Thank you, Sasuke-kun. I don’t know what would’ve happened if it wasn’t for you.”

“Hn, that’s easy, you would’ve been stubborn like always. And though I’m sure you would’ve figured out what to do on your own, it might have taken you a little longer to reach that conclusion.”

“Maybe you’re right.” She started, tugging a strand of her pink hair behind her ear. “Damn it, maybe I really do need to start listening to you.”

“Better late than ever.”

Better late than ever, indeed. Slowly, she was coming to her senses and he knew there was nothing left for him to do. From that moment on, it was up to her, and more than anyone, he knew she would pull through it.

“Yeah…”

“Oh, and now that you’ve mentioned it, have you eaten anything already?”

“I guess not.” She bit her lip, her demeanor clearly showing she hadn’t even considered that until that moment.

“Tch, you’re worse than Naruto. Go eat something, will you? You need to refill your energies."

“Fine.” Sakura said, taking her laptop in hands as she started walking down her hallway and towards the kitchen.

“Do I want to know when was the last time you ate?”

“Probably not.”

“Tch.”

She placed the device on her kitchen island and turned around to open her cabinet to grab a pan. “Come on, you’re the chef here…What can I do that is easy and good enough for your standards?”

At that moment, though he knew she was clearly teasing him, the Uchiha couldn’t help but remember the Dobe’s words earlier that day. And though he would normally not care about those things, he figured he could make an exception. It had been a rough night, after all.

“Do you have instant ramen?”

“Instant ramen?” She asked, confused. “Are you really suggesting that?”

“Aah.” He nodded, as if that was the most normal thing in the world. “I'm getting hungry, too and I think there’s still one bowl left. What do you say?”

Her face was a bit surprised, at first, but eventually, her expression changed and a soft, grateful smile took over her lips. In a swift move, she put back the pan and got herself a bowl of instant ramen. “Instant ramen it is, then.”

“Hn, I’ll go get one for me, too.”

“Okay…” She began, and he watched as she started to prepare the noodles. He was making his way to the kitchen with his laptop in hands, and it didn’t take much before they were both waiting for the water to boil. “Now we just wait, right?”

“I guess…Naruto is the expert here.”

“He certainly is.” She agreed, resting her chin on the palm of her hand. Her eyes were half closed, her head tilting a bit to the side. “Sasuke-kun…?”

“Uh? What is it?”

“I know it’s late and you must be tired, but…Can you talk to me for a bit longer? Just tell me about your day, I don't know.”

Her voice was soft at that moment, and he noticed the way she was genuinely curious about his day. Though she was still far from normal, Sasuke figured that was the closest to normal she would get in a situation like that. For the first time during the quarantine, he saw her, not as a doctor working bravely on the front lines, but as a young woman who had the right to feel insecure and scared.

They were all scared, after all. Why couldn’t she be, too, right? Just like everyone else, Sakura had the right to feel everything, and sometimes, feeling came with an overwhelming price. It hurt, it made her cry and doubt herself, but mostly, it made grow. As a woman and as a doctor, Haruno Sakura was growing and blooming like the flower she is.

For the better or the worse, that was how things were now.

And no matter what the future had in stock, they were going to face it together. Even if they were separated because of the virus, their hearts would be connected, always.

“Of course.”

“Good.” She smiled, weakly, and at that moment, they knew that, in the middle of that mess, they could finally allow themselves to enjoy some good, instant ramen for dinner.

––––––

a/n: Okay, so… was it too much? From the beginning, I had this angst prepared for this story, and believe it or not, most of Sakura’s lines were based on real conversations shared by doctors. The note, too, was very real. It happened to a health worker here in my country and it just broke my heart when she told that to the press. Times are really weird right now, and it’s ok to be scared, but we can’t turn against each other! We need to spread love and empathy, not the other way around. If you need anyone to talk to, I’m always here! I’m a bit of a mess and I take a long time to answer, but believe me, I AM HERE! Anyway, thanks for reading it! Hope you’ve enjoyed it! Stay safe and stay inside!

#sasusaku #sasusaku fanfiction #sasusaku fanfic #ssfanfic #Naruto fanfiction #myssfics

56 notes · View notes

palmtreepalmtree · 4 years

Text

Alright, this one is long overdue for an anonymous friend who really wanted me to review The Healer. So after a short pause, here is another edition of

The Worst Movie on Netflix Right Now™

Heavy sigh.

Alright. Let’s talk about this one.

First off, I have to do some pretty serious content warnings, cause I know some people have been receiving some bad news recently and this review goes someplace you might not expect so, I love you guys, but please be aware that this review deals with: cancer, terminal illness, kids with cancer.

Now back to the bullshit.

This is basically a movie about a fucking dumbass dude who has trouble making obvious decisions.

SPOILERS AHEAD (are you new here?)

The main character Alec Bailey, begins the film as a total fuckwit. He lives in England (somewhere about) and owns a failing electronic handyman business that he calls “The Healer” (in the most pathetic stretch of narrative bullshit, but okay) and is in deep gambling debts to the Russian mob.

As our story begins, Alec discovers that he has a long lost rich uncle who makes him an offer: the uncle will pay off Alec’s debts if he agrees to live in Nova Scotia for a year. The uncle will make all the arrangements: plane ticket, work visa, place to live, etc. All Alec has to do is stay in Nova Scotia for a year.

OH NO! WHATEVER SHALL I DO?!? WHAT AM I GOING TO DO IN REMOTE NOVA SCOTIA FOR A YEAR AFTER ALL MY FINANCIAL CONCERNS ARE TAKEN CARE OF?

HOWEVER WILL I SURVIVE IN SUCH A HORRIBLE PLACE?11?!?

I BETTER THINK IT OVER.

*eyeroll*

He finally makes his decision after getting chased by mobsters trying to collect on his debts. ...like I said. He’s a fuckwit.

So he moves into this beautiful house in Nova Scotia. There’s no internet, which is a legit bummer, but his uncle has arranged a car for him to get to town. Seems like a pretty good gig. Even if it is going to be brutally cold come the winter months.

Well as soon as Alec arrives in town, everyone seems to know and be expecting him. He puts an ad out for his mechanical engineering services, again, under the name “The Healer.” Well........... that goes awry in ways you would expect. Suddenly, people start showing up requesting his physical healing services.

The thing is, the people from town seem to expect him to actually be a healer. They keep referring to a secret and to him being “the chosen one.” There’s no explanation for this.

Then there’s like... this whole weird interlude where Alec seems to kill the town priest, played by Jorge Ramirez (can someone please find this dude a good acting gig? my dude has decent comedic timing, he’s better than this shit). And Alec gets arrested. Even though the priest got up and walked away. All of this seems like a weird spinning of wheels before the actual plot. Like why is this happening. Why?

Eventualllllllly......... his uncle shows back up and fesses up (in the most elaborate way possible). People in his family have a gift. Every other generation, someone is chosen. And they have the gift of healing. Based solely on being near to someone who is destined to be saved.

The gift can only be activated around their 30th birthday (if this sounds unnecessarily elaborate, that’s because it is -- and I’m even cutting shit out like the secret basement and portraits on the wall, blahblahblah). The day after the birthday, the chosen one must decide. They can choose to accept or decline the gift of healing. Alec is given until midnight that night to make his decision. WILL HE BE THE CHOSEN ONE? WILL HE BE THE HEALER?!?!1?1

I mentioned that Alec is a fuckwit right?

*Hagrid voice* YOU’RE A FUCKWIT, ALEC!

*squints*

Annnnnnyhow. Alec goes to the town church where everyone is gathered at midnight (with thank you signs and a big round of applause) and he dashes their hopes. HE WILL NOT BE THE HEALER, NO! Even though it comes with no readily apparent downsides or costs. And he’d be able to relieve the suffering of others with no cost to himself. No, fuck it. He’s going to go home.

The town takes it pretty well, all things considered. The few people who had already been healed by being near him make speeches of gratitude. They all wish him a happy birthday and tell him he’s welcome to stay. Like these people are insanely understanding about him declining the gift of healing. INSANE.

It’s worth noting that we’re about halfway through the movie at this point and we haven’t met one of the main characters of the movie.

IN COMES ABIGAIL. Cancer kid extraordinaire. She is 14 years old. Her parents have driven 7 hours to see Alec. Their daughter is dying of terminal cancer, and all they want is for Alec to spend some time with her and give it a shot. But she’s a pretty self-possessed kid. She convinces the reluctant Alec to just hangout with her for the weekend to buck up her parents and give her parents some hope. She doesn’t believe in the healing, so no harm, no foul.

And finally we’ve hit the meat of our story. Will Alec be able to save Abigail now that he’s declined the gift? Will he regret it? WHY DID HE DECLINE THE GIFT!?1?

SPOILERS (really can’t discuss this movie without them)

It turns out, Alec had a brother who died of cancer. And they were incredibly close. In Alec’s words, “he was my everything.” But now he deeply regrets giving up the gift. Now he’s worried he can’t save Abigail.

You know what, man? Same.

SO WHY THE FUCK DID YOU TURN DOWN THE GIFT!??!?

Listen. Listen, listen. I don’t know a single person who has been touched by cancer who wouldn’t jump at the chance to have a healing gift. I mean, what the fuck. Death sucks. Losing someone you love from any kind of illness sucks. Especially when it feels even remotely too soon. And cancer is a particular type of FUCKING BULLSHIT. It sucks.

So it’s really fucking hard to understand why this FUCKWIT turns down the gift to begin with. Death and suffering is not abstract for him when this movie starts! So why we should feel sorry for his resulting anxiety, now that he has met someone who is directly negatively affected by his fucking BAD DECISION.

Anyhow, the rest of the movie is basically an exercise in how charming Abigail is and how much fun we can have with her before she goes off to die. Which like......... OH-FUCKING-KAY!

It should go without saying that this movie has a happy ending. The music swells where it should. The romance is consummated. Abigail is healed. All is going to be well with the world.

As a movie, this one has some weird fucking choices. First, all of the music cues in this movie are just wrong. “Faith” by George Michael is not a song about believing in something --- unless that something is having sex with someone who hurt you before. And the lighting in this film is so beautiful all the time, it looks like you’re in a fucking ciallis commercial, even when you’re in the freaking police station, wtf?

And last, the writing is just weird in places. Like why have the love interest lie about being a lesbian through 90% of the film? Why? It’s not a good joke! And It is COMPLETELY fucking baffling to me why the good news of this story is delivered off-screen instead of on-screen. If Abigail is going to be okay, why couldn’t she come back to Nova Scotia to tell him? Why couldn’t she deliver that news in person!? That’s just bad writing. What the fuck is that?

But whatever.

On the credit side, I think Oliver Jackson Cohen knows what he’s doing as an actor. He’s not Oscar-worthy yet, but I believed him. When he talks about his brother, I felt that. And that could not have been easy in such a fucking weird script.

But as much as I’d like to end this review right here, there’s more. Cause...

..........that’s not where the movie ends. Not entirely.

As the end music plays, the movie is dedicated to Paul Newman who established summer camps for seriously ill kids. And then we see images and videos of the kids all over the world enjoying activities at these camps.

And that’s where this critique stops. Sorta. Paul Newman was a legitimately good person. And his legacy of caring for sick kids carries on to this day, as was evident from all the footage.

But here’s the thing: healing as it’s depicted in this movie does not exist. But easing the suffering of others does. I wish this movie had been about that. I wish it had been less focused on miracles and weird family legacies and selfish fuckwits and more about the kind of healing that Paul practiced. But I guess that movie isn’t as fun, and it isn’t as hopeful and uplifting.

In the non-movie version of this story, Abigail Bryant died in 2014 at the age of 20. Her obituary still appears online. And it is still receiving comments and photos from cancer survivors and fighters, many of them who found her through the film. And they talk about how the movie touched them.

On that level, it doesn’t matter what I say here. It doesn’t matter that there are weird parts of this script or that healing like this is a fantasy. This movie does its job. It touches people. And if it inspires just a few more people to give money to help relieve suffering, then that’s all that matters.

Ronald McDonald House Charities Cancer Research Institute Hole in the Wall Gang (Paul Newman’s org) Serious Fun Children’s Network (established by Paul Newman)

#ptpt reviews #the worst movie on netflix right now #i guess #sorta #cw: cancer #sorry for the long post #this one was complicated

24 notes · View notes