#sometimes I feel like my gif sets only work with the music I listened to while making them

[mrs-gauche]

- “You weren’t wrong, though.” - “Thank you, Cole.”

#dragon age #dai gifs #solas #cole #heeey remember when I made gifs hohoho #very important banter right here <3 #sometimes I feel like my gif sets only work with the music I listened to while making them #which in this case was the soundtrack of unravel 2.. stray and blade runner 2049 lol #I'm pretty sure this set actually killed me 😀 #like I think I left my body at some point #capturing banter with the flycam is..... not easy #and I don't particularly mean the banter itself but more like how to position the characters in a way that looks good/cinematic #that shot of the Inquisitor took everything from me because I had to retry this so many times #because you have to push like ten different buttons simultaniously 😂💀 #seriously sometimes I feel like a friggin pianist while using the flycam lol #my gifs

[hyunjinspark]

star lost with you | hyunjin au | part 19

pairing: idol! hyunjin x artist! reader

genre: friends to lovers, so much angst, smut, fluff, set in the idolverse, mutual pining, unrequited love, forbidden romance, slowburn (!!!) soulmate au, star-crossed lovers

synopsis: working in a quaint little art store, you’ve had the honor of meeting all kinds of people, but you’ve never met somebody like him. there were many reasons hyunjin returned to his hometown; a getaway from the ephemeral and fast-paced life of the city, so he could fall in love with life again. he thought he was prepared for everything, to study art in the way that he’s always wanted to, but what he didn’t anticipate was meeting you. hwang hyunjin realises that sometimes, the best things in life happen unplanned. 

word count: 40K (yeah....i promise it doesn't feel like that much!)

warnings: cursing, lots of casual drinking, mature content, angst, mutual pining, a shit ton of sexual tension, slight jealousy, making out, kissing, mature language, dirty jokes, arguments, reference to depression, some self-blaming, whipped! hyunjin, a lot of fluff

a/n: this is definitely one of my favourite chapters, and ends with an arc I've been looking forward to for a while. it's a very hyunyn centric chapter, which is why i love it. i honestly could have worked on this chapter forever, because there's so much i wanted to include, and i hope you like the finished product. please get comfortable with snacks and a blanket to read, and some light music to match. you can listen to my star lost playlist here!

important: all works are fiction, and do not in any way represent the real personalities or real people, they exist only as faceclaims, and are fictional characters.

masterlist

The snowflakes had settled on his coat, melting slowly in the warmth of the apartment, battling the cold from the outside where he’d left the door open. His eyes were filled with confusion, gaze moving from you to the duffel bag in your hands. The wheels clicked in his head, and oh, to know what went through Hyunjin’s mind when he put two and two together. You would kill to know how his mind worked, especially right now. His lips parted, but before he could say anything, you said, “What are you doing here, Hyunjin?”

His brows furrowed as some kind of epiphany sank in, “Are you going somewhere?”

It wasn’t an answer to your question, and you had no energy to justify yourself right now, “That doesn’t concern you.”

“What do you mean?” He took a step up tentatively like if he stepped too close, you’d run away. But you were, weren’t you? You were running away. You didn’t want to talk to him, not when all of your latest conversations with Hyunjin had ended in heartbreak. You had made up your mind, and you were going home. He obviously didn’t want you in your life, as he’d explicitly stated every time. So why the fuck was he at your doorstep?

You looked him in the eye, a bubbling anticipation rising within you at his possible reaction. He obviously wouldn’t care though, would he? He wanted you gone too. You swallowed, speaking clearly so he wouldn’t misunderstand, “I’m leaving, Hyunjin.”

“What?” A flash of confusion crippled his features. Just then, Jeongin’s voice carried through the stairwell, and you heard his footsteps as he ran up the stairs, yelling, “The taxi’s here! I already put your suitcases in the trunk.”

Hyunjin frowned, “Your suitcases? What is he talking about?”

Helpless, you stared at him. You had no clue how to explain this to him because it would mean admitting that you were wrong about everything. About moving here, about the classes, about Jieong… You weren’t going to be weak in front of him. His cheeks were red, courtesy of the quickly developing storm outside. It just meant you needed to get out of here as soon as possible, you couldn’t wait around for your train to get delayed because of the increment weather. It was fitting, because the snowstorm matched you. You tightened the grip on your bag, taking a step ahead, and your voice didn’t waver as you said, “It means that I’m going home, Hyunjin. To Daejon.”

“I’m sorry…what?” His eyes widened. You stepped closer, lugging your bag with you, “You heard me…” Finally, you came eye-to-eye with him in the middle of the staircase, “I never should have come here. It was my mistake. So you don’t have to worry about me being in your life anymore, and since you’re probably never coming back to Daejon then….” You swallowed, staring at him, and suddenly it was harder to speak the following few words, “Then… I guess this is goodbye, Hyunjin.”

He blinked at you, voice raising in his prolonged disbelief, “Wait…What are you talking about? What do you mean, you’re going home?”

You had no clue how to explain this to him, you suppose it was out of nowhere…but what did he expect? Right at that moment, Jeongin finally caught up to you on the sixth floor, and he stopped to catch his breath, hands on his knees, panting, “I have no idea why I just ran up all those stairs.” He straightened up, finally noticing Hyunjin, “How did you get into the building?”

Hyunjin looked back at him as if this was the last of his problems, stating bluntly, “I pushed open the door. It wasn’t locked.”

“That doesn’t mean you can just come into a stranger’s building, what the hell, dude” It should have been expected that Jeongin, obviously was unaware of and possibly didn’t give a fuck about idols. In any other circumstance, you might have found it funny. Hyunjin frowned at him, “I’m not a stranger. She knows me.”

You sighed, “Jeongin, I’ll be down in a minute. Thank you for getting the taxi.” Jeongin was still suspiciously glaring at him, then looked at you, face immediately relaxing, “Okay. The drivers really hate waiting, so I suggest you go soon, Y/N.”

Your decision was suddenly settling in and becoming more real. You gave him a nod, “Right. I’ll get going then.”

You stepped past Hyunjin, brushing his shoulder, and a part of you was satisfied that he didn’t have as big of an effect on you as he used to. You didn’t stop dead in your tracks because of him. You’d decided what you would do, and nothing Hyunjin could say would change your mind. It seemed like he was still catching up to this new information you’d dumped on him. His face was in disbelief as you passed him, and you hurriedly descended the stairwell. If you stopped to think about this decision, you might regret it, or you might cry, and you weren’t going to let either happen. The front door was in sight, and chills ran up your skin the closer you got. Your head was pounding with the weight of this hurried decision. You won’t regret this. You couldn’t. Daejon was your home, and you needed to be there.

Through the fog of your thoughts, you heard Hyunjin call your name. At first, your name sounded like a realization, and then it was more in desperation. The taxi waiting for you honked loudly, and you paused at the front door. Hyunjin’s footsteps were loud in the atrium, and he was running down the stairwell. He was running to catch up to you. It was a stupidly dangerous thing to do. He could fall or trip. That was the only reason you stopped, turning around in frustration, “What are you doing? You could get hurt.”

He gripped the rusty railing, and his coat flew behind him as he caught up to you, breathless, “What’s going on? Can you please just tell me?”

“It’s stupid to run down the stairs. What were you even thinking?” You frowned, heart calming down at seeing that he was okay.

“I’m not thinking.” His teeth grit together, and he was still breathing heavily, voice hoarse, “I don’t understand. Can you just please talk to me?”

“What part?” A sorry laugh escaped you, “I told you. I’m going back home. That’s it. There’s nothing more to tell. Goodbye, Hyunjin.”

He reached out, grabbing your arm to stop you, “No, but why?”

You weren’t going to tell him about what happened. Of course not. “I don’t know Hyunjin. There’s nothing in the city for me to stay for. Why are you even here? I thought you said you couldn’t be a part of my life.”

Hurt flashed across his face, which you couldn’t even comprehend. How could he be hurt right now after he’d pushed you out this whole time? You’d been in the same city as him for months, yet he never reached out to you, or apologized. He couldn’t just suddenly want something else when it was convenient for him. 

“But…what about the classes? What about Kim Jieong? He wouldn’t want you to leave.” He knew nothing about your time in the classes, he had no right to question you now. You squeezed your eyes shut, and all the emotions you suppressed came up. Just then, the taxi honked again, and the phone in your pocket started buzzing too. You looked at the caller ID. Felix was calling and you picked up, eyes on Hyunjin’s briefly, “Yes, Lix?”

“Have you left for the train station yet, love?” He was concerned, so full of care for you. Your heart softened, and your voice dropped as you held the phone tightly to your ear, “No, I’m on my way. I’ll keep you updated, okay?”

“It’s getting late. I’m worried about you.” He spoke. Hyunjin was staring at you as you took the phone call. Your gaze briefly flickered over him. Even now, after running down the stairs and walking through a freaking snowstorm, he looked like some kind of angel. There was snow all over his coat and his hair. His nose and cheeks were dark pink, and his lips were still bitten raw. “Don’t be worried. I’ll be home soon,” You mumbled, calming Felix’s tendency to worry about you. Felix had an unspoken excitement in his tone, “Okay. Love you. See you soon.”

You swallowed, highly aware of the man in front of you, “Love you too.” It’s as if those words changed the atmosphere. Hyunjin’s tense shoulders dropped as if resigning to a chosen fate. When you hung up, pushing the phone into your pocket, Hyunjin spoke, “So you’re just leaving? That’s it?”

“Yeah. What would you want me to do? Say goodbye? Maybe I would have, if I still had any way of contacting you,” You said. A taunt and petty jab, sure, but it was also the truth. Hyunjin wasn’t there when you needed him, so why was he here now?

He closed his eyes in regret. He couldn’t argue that. He knew it was the truth. After all, you two were practically strangers right now. You didn’t know what was going on in his life. You didn’t have any of his information. Yet he was here, in your apartment building. Curiosity tickled you, and you tilt your head, “Why did you even come here tonight, Hyunjin? Did something happen?”

His eyes pierced through yours, “I… wanted to talk to you. I would have come before, but… I’ve been traveling all month, I couldn’t help it”

“Right. Japan. Must have been nice.” 

You were aware you sounded like a bitch, but that was the only way you could distance yourself, so leaving him behind would hurt less. Except that would only work if he let you leave. He grabbed your arm again, pulling you close, “Y/N… what’s going on? Please…tell me what’s wrong.”

His eyes seemed so sincere. He seemed so sincere. And concerned for you. Your heart squeezed in worry. He must be so confused. If you really wanted to hurt him, you would leave right now with no explanation. It would show him how you felt, how it felt to be on the other side of things, to be cut off like this. But you weren’t him, so you’d at least try to offer an explanation.

“Hyunjin…” Before you could continue, the cab outside honked twice impatiently, and you realized all your suitcases were in the trunk. If the driver got pissed and drove off, your stuff would be gone too. Not that there was anything you still cared for in it. But you panicked, “Fuck…I would like to explain, but I don’t have the time. He’ll leave, and all my stuff’s with him. I’m sorry, you’re too late, Hyunjin.”

His face dropped into despair and that was all you had time to register before you turned away, walking out the door. The taxi was parked right outside with the engine running to preserve warmth. The apology was already on your lips, “I’m sorry sir. I got held up.”

The driver looked pissed as hell, and he glanced at you from his window, “You’re heading to the station? Because it seems like you’re wasting my time.”

“Yeah. I’m sorry to keep you waiting.” 

He rolled his eyes, slurring words, “Either get in, or take your shit and get out”

“Don’t talk to her like that.” 

Oh god. 

Hyunjin had followed you out, obviously having overheard this. You turned to him, “I got this, okay? You don’t need to—”

“Dude, I have other customers too!” The guy yelled at him, clearly pissed by how Hyunjin talked back, “I don’t have time for this bullshit.”

Hyunjin was staring at him, eyes narrowed in annoyance. You didn’t know how he’d react. You’d never seen this side of him, and you reached out to him, “Hyunjin, whatever you’re thinking of doing, please don’t”

He bypassed you, stepping up to the guy, leaning in to rest on the driver’s side window, “How much?”

“What?” The guy spat back.

“How much does she owe you?” Hyunjin repeated in a calm tone. The taxi driver was eyeing him back, “For this nonsense, three hundred thousand won”

You almost laughed, “What?”

“Okay,” Hyunjin replied, and before you could even comprehend what was happening, he reached into his back pocket and took out his wallet. He took out his credit card, and handed it to him calmly, “Please open the trunk”

The guy also didn’t seem to believe it, and he was wide-eyed, grabbing Hyunjin’s credit card to swipe it. And then with ease, Hyunjin grabbed your suitcases, pulling them out and settling them down on the curb.

“I’m sorry for the inconvenience, sir. I hope you have a good night,” Hyunjin said to him, still in a calm voice that contrasted with the drivers’. The guy looked up at him, “Yeah. Whatever, dude.”

And then he drove off in a plume of smoke and snow.

“What the fuck, Hyunjin?” 

You’d been too shocked to process the state of things. Hyunjin looked back at you, the ever-present image of calm, “Can we go inside?”

You stepped up to him, in disbelief, “No, no, we fucking can’t. That was my ride. Why did you just pay him off? And three hundred thousand won? Are you insane? He completely ripped you off! And why the hell are you making decisions for me?”

“If you really want to go, I’ll drive you to the train station, but I’m not letting you get into a car like that, he seemed wasted.”

You scoffed, crossing your arms, “You’ll drive me to the train station?”

“Yeah, I will, if it means you’ll be safe.”

“From how you’re acting right now, you seem pretty wasted too.”

“Look.” He suddenly said, “Kairi told me you haven’t responded to her texts in a week. She got worried—”

“And she sent you here to check up on me? Kairi should know better.”

Hyunjin ignored your jab and continued talking, “And clearly she was right to be worried, because you’re moving out in the middle of the night in a freaking snowstorm!”

“I don’t owe you an explanation. Not really.” You stared at him, hugging yourself tighter. The snow was coming down heavy, wind building up so you could barely even hear each other. He seemed unaffected by every attack of yours, “I know you don’t…but… she’s worried about you. The least you could do is tell her what’s going on.”

You glared at him, “So you’re only here for her, right? If I call her right now, you’ll leave?”

He squeezed his eyes shut, sighing, “No…I’m worried about you too. I…don’t understand.”

Of course, he was worried now, the only time it seemed to matter the least. You were freezing, and the time for leaving seemed to have come and gone. You could book another taxi, but the snow was only growing, and there was still time for your train, so it wouldn’t make any sense to stand outside in this terrible weather. So you said, “Yeah. Sucks not to know things, doesn’t it?”

Hyunjin ignored the taunt yet again, and picked your suitcase up, “Can we please just wait inside?”

So, you didn’t argue for once and let him follow you back inside. It was just a matter of time, but this meant you’d need to have an actual conversation with Hyunjin, and you were dreading that. 

“You live on the top floor?” He asked, looking up the atrium. You took your bag from his hands, “Yup. I’ll take that.”

“What, no” He didn’t let you, pulling it back, “You’re not carrying that up.”

It wasn't even heavy but you gave in, too tired to protest, letting him follow you up the stairs to your apartment. You were so annoyed that you only just realized that this meant he’d see where you live. You suddenly felt embarrassed. The stairwell was rickety and shabby. Your apartment was so small, it felt like a joke. And he’d see it. Maybe this was a bad decision, but it didn’t matter anymore what he thought. He probably already thought terrible things about you. He certainly wouldn’t have ignored you for months if he didn’t.

You pushed open your door, and he stepped in tentatively. There wasn’t really much for him to see, yet his eyes traveled across the entire space and all your furniture as he took it in. He’d never even seen your room in Daejon. So he must think you live like this all the time. Poorly and with no taste. It was laughable how different you two were.

“No art?” He questioned, staring at the empty, barren walls. A pang hit you as you realized, “I got rid of it.”

He glanced at you, eyes wide, “Oh.”

You sat on the armrest of your couch, facing him, and he still stood at the threshold, processing your apartment. He seemed weirdly fascinated with it and asked, “Can I come in?”

“You’re already like, halfway in, so yeah” You mumbled. He stepped inside, for real, shutting the door behind him. This all felt so insane. Hyunjin was in your fucking apartment. Why? You thought you’d got rid of all the anger in you, but you certainly hadn’t. Your conversation with Minnie and Jamie came back to you too. He used you, because you’re so fucking nice. They like the thrill of the chase, and when they actually get the girl, they’re bored of her. Is that why he was interested in you again? That’s probably why he was chasing you again.

“So…um, I know you don’t owe me an explanation, but what about your friends? Kairi…and the people from your classes. Do they know why you’re leaving in the middle of the night?”

You stared at him, observing his expressions. If you told him about Kim Jieong, you’d have no idea how he’d react. You mumbled, “No. They don’t. It doesn’t concern anybody but me.”

He nodded slowly, hurt flashing through him, “Okay. Can…we talk about something else then?”

You crossed your arms, unsure what he even meant, “Yeah. We can talk about how my train leaves in three hours, so I have to be at the station before then.”

He swallowed, “You’re…not going to show me around your place? This is the first time—”

“From where you’re standing, you already saw all of it,” You replied, feeling embarrassed despite not wanting to care. He nodded, “Oh. So…you sleep on the couch?”

You let out a dry laugh at that. Obviously, he was right to assume that based on what you said, but it was still funny because it could have actually been true. You’d been so stupidly fucking desperate for the city you’d have literally slept on a park bench if you had to. Hyunjin frowned at your laughter, “I…I was just asking. Sorry”

“No, I sleep in my bed, which is in my bedroom and I don’t really see why you’d care about that, so…can you cut to the chase and tell me why you came to my apartment in the middle of the night, in a snowstorm?”

He swallowed, resting his head against your front door, “It wasn’t snowing when I left…”

“Oh, right. That’s inconvenient for you. You wouldn’t have come if it was.”

“No, I still would’ve come.” His eyes narrowed, “Please…just…can you talk to me normally?”

“I’m sorry?”

“I understand that you’re pissed at me, but I just want to have a conversation. I came here because I was worried about you. I would have come sooner if I could, but with my work it’s impossible. So please…can we just talk?”

No, you couldn’t because if you 'just talked’ to him, you’d remember how crazy in love with him you still were, after all his repeated rejections and ghosting, and not wanting you. You changed the topic, “You know that cab driver ripped you off, right? That ride isn’t worth that money.”

Hyunjin swallowed, “I know. But…he was drunk, and it’s not safe for him to drive anyone. With that amount, he wouldn’t have to take any more customers for the night. It’d be enough for the week.”

So he was still kind to everyone except you. Even to your wasted taxi driver. Good to know.

“There. I answered your question. Are you going to be answering mine?” He spoke, for once matching your fervor and energy. You stared at him, “Which question? You asked me, like ten.”

He sighed, stepping away from the door, and closer to you. He was so tall, he really did make your apartment seem small. He was almost as tall as your couch. You gripped the sides of the armrest, looking up at him. His face traversed many expressions like he was struggling with the right thing to say, and then he spoke, “Are you okay?”

You chose to be honest, chewing on your lower lip as you admitted, “I will be when I get home.”

His face fell, like he’d been expecting something else, and his whole body seemed tense. You suppose it was a valid reaction because this had been your dream, so he couldn’t possibly understand why you were running away. “But…”

“But what?” You asked, looking up at him, not wanting to leave any breathing room for emotions because now was not the time. If you went down that spiral, you’d never come back out, “It’s your turn to answer now. I still can’t understand why you’re here, after our conversation in the car.”

He contemplated for a second, looking away, and then back at you, saying, “I came here to make sure you were okay… that’s why I got on the first flight back home.”

You stood up, staring at him, “Flight back from where?”

“Bangkok.” He stated, a tinge of embarrassment in his features, “We had a schedule there…a show, but Kairi told me that you hadn’t responded to her texts, she was really worried…I had to come back.”

You stilled, and he surprised you for the first time that night. “What about the others?”

“The rest of the band is still there.” He spoke, “I just… couldn’t wait”

“You…took a flight for this?” You were having trouble processing this. He nodded, resignation and disappointment in his voice, “But clearly I should’ve come sooner.”

For a second, you allowed yourself the luxury to wonder if things would be different, had he come sooner. If things had been different, had he never left you at all. You couldn’t even imagine the other side of things — a reality where he stayed with you all this, and maybe all those bad things wouldn’t have happened to you. You couldn’t blame Hyunjin for everything that went wrong in your life after he left, but it sure seemed convenient to blame him. A myriad of thoughts overwhelmed you. He was confusing you too much. You needed to get out of this city, far away from here, and it felt like you were suddenly leaving with no good memories. Hyunijn was looking at you so deeply, so you swallowed your pride, “Can you do me a favour, Hyunjin?”

“Anything. What is it?”

“Can we just…stop by the Atelier before you take me to the station?” You asked, hoping he would oblige you in this last request since he seemed far too eager anyway, “Please.”

“Oh. Okay.” Defeat sank into his shoulders as he realised you had indeed made up your mind. Maybe he expected to hear something else from you. He didn’t protest though, because he had already agreed. In deafening silence, he led you to his car, which was parked around the block. When he opened the trunk, you saw his own suitcase. A simple black suitcase. He really had just come from the airport. It shocked your heart in a way you’d craved for all this time. When Yeonjun had come home to make up with Hana, you’d wished that someone would love you that much, to fly across the country for you. And Hyunjin did even more than that. He flew from another country… Yet you didn’t know what to make of it. He only came because Kairi was worried for you.

He carefully placed your bags next to his, as if anything was fragile in them but your clothes. He was uncannily quiet as he drove you, and you had nothing left to say. You watched the passing skyscrapers, and craved for the quiet of the mountainside back home. The Atelier wasn’t too far from your place, and he already seemed to know the way.

“So why are we here, Y/N?” He asked, as you both stared up at the towering glass building that was home to your classes. Seeing it now in the dark, it was one of the prettiest buildings you’d seen, built like art, for artists. You remember seeing it on the front page of the brochure you’d found years ago, and it had decided the trajectory of your life. It was still snowing, flakes falling on the two of you, and it was so cold in the parking lot. You owed him an explanation so you spoke, “This last week, I was working on a painting. It was becoming something really special, but… I forgot it in the classroom. I’d like to take it with me when I go.”

“Oh.” He simply nodded like it made all the sense in the world, not questioning this stupid request, and followed you to the front door. Obviously, nobody was here. It was after hours, and no security guards were in sight. You stared at the revolving doors, trying to figure out a plan. “Is it locked?” Hyunjin asked you, sounding impatient in this weather, “You don’t have the access card?”

If you entered the building with your keycard, it’d send a notification straight to Kim Jieong. That’s how he’d known you were here the last time. The memory sent you a shudder, and the last thing you wanted was to bump into him. You bit your lip, “Wait. I’m thinking.”

The cold was making you do stupid things, like shifting closer to him, so your shoulder would brush his. Simple body heat. Even through your thick coat, and his, the touch sent a flutter to your stomach. Hyunjin glanced at you as you did that, and his lips were becoming icy cold, “Well… it’d be nice if you could think faster. I wouldn’t want to die of hypothermia before you figure it out.”

You looked at him, surprised by the sudden sass in his tone, “Are you done?”

“Give me your keycard, let’s just go in.” He let out a breath, fog leaving his mouth. You frowned, not wanting to explain the whole story, “I don’t have one. It’s deactivated.”

“Okay…” He sighed, looking around the facade, “Is there another entrance we can use?”

You thought over his words. You had an idea. It was a stupid idea. You shrugged, hands deep in your coat pockets, “The back door.”

“Well, why don’t we just use that?” He asked. You shot him a tight smile, “It’s technically off-limits.” It was the emergency stairwell. You’d heard enough lectures about it, but you didn’t care right now. That was the only way to get into the building. You’d just have to suck it up. “I’m going to have to…technically break in.” You stepped ahead. His eyes widened, and he reached out to stop you, “What?”

“Only technically. You should probably go back to the car, because if someone comes here, I wouldn’t want you to get into trouble. It could hurt your…reputation.”

“No, it could put us in jail.” He stated matter-of-factly, and the cold must make him more sassy or annoyed or something. You didn’t have time for this. You sighed, crossing your arms, “That’s exactly why you should wait in the car. I promise I’ll be quick. I’ll grab my stuff and come.”

He let out a forced laugh, and there was a shiver in his voice, “What are you talking about?”

“I’ll be quick,” You reassured him. He stared at you, deadpan, “You’re not going in there by yourself.”

You frowned at his displaced concern, “It’s just an art school, Hyunjin, nothing’s going to harm me in there”

He glanced up at the towering building that did look kind of ominous right now, “You don’t know that. I’m not taking any chances.”

You felt frustrated because he was only protesting and not offering any solutions, “Well, you’re not stopping me, Hyunjin.”

“No, I’m coming with you.” 

“What?” You scoffed, “I’m breaking in. If somebody finds out, you’re going to get into trouble—” 

“I don’t care.” He interrupted you harshly and then took a breath, repeating, “I don’t care if I get into trouble. I’m not letting you go in there by yourself.” 

Your eyes widened, watching him. Did he really not think of the consequences? He spent all his life protecting his public image, and now he was willing to risk it for you? His words sent an unpleasant feeling down your spine. He cared. He cared about you to the point that he was okay with being caught. That was a new kind of feeling you couldn’t process. All this while, you’d prioritised Hyunjin’s needs and the consequences in his life because he was so much more important than you. This was new.

“Are you sure?” You asked. He glanced at the building and then around the abandoned parking lot as if he was seriously reconsidering this absurd request. You saw the hesitation in his posture, his lips parting as if to say no he was only joking, and he would never do something as stupid as this. Then his eyes landed on yours. They flickered over your face, the cold in his gaze melting into strange tenderness, “Of course I’m sure. I can’t let you go alone.”

“Fine.” You nodded, breath coming out in a cold puff, “We should be quick.” He followed you to the back of the building, the big glowing EXIT sign, and the notice that read, ‘This is not an entrance. Please use front door access’

You sucked in a breath for good measure, pushing the door open, and when no immediate alarms rang, you stepped in. Hyunjin followed you into the darkness, and you switched on your phone's flashlight to guide you. You were still shivering. There was no heating in here, and he asked, “Now what, Y/N?”

“My class is on the top floor,” You whispered, just in case someone was in the stairwell.

“I’m guessing we can’t use the elevator?” He deadpanned. You gripped the handrail, “Yeah. Using the elevator’s too risky. If someone’s still in the building, they’d realise.”

“This painting must be really important to you.” He spoke, following you up the stairs into complete darkness. The Atelier was fancy, but this stairwell…was not. It was industrially exposed, the sound of a loud generator buzzing and a flickering light above you. There was a constant banging sound that you guessed was from the pipes in the wall. You tried not to overthink this situation, where Hyunjin was breaking and entering with you in your dream academy. Each little sound was putting you on edge. You heard him mutter, “This is really creepy.”

Over your shoulder, you peeked at him. He had his flashlight turned on too, and it shone into his face, dark shadows over his jaw and lips. “Are you afraid?” You asked. He shook his head, “Let’s just get this over with, Y/N.”

You climbed the rest of the floors in silence, preserving your voice and breath. It was still freezing in here, and you did feel bad that you’d dragged him along for this. But out of everything, this was the least he could do. Even though you wouldn’t admit it, you probably wouldn’t have had the courage to come here alone, not after what happened the other night with Jieong. You were glad he insisted to come with you, even if you never would have expected him to in a million years. Finally, you reached the landing for the highest floor and stopped to catch your breath. There was a door marked ‘Rooftop Access’, that led to the greenhouse-studio. 

“Do we exit here?” He asked, reaching out to the knob. As he pulled the door open, light flooded the stairwell from outside. The lights in the studio were usually always turned off, but if they were on.… The cogwheels in your brain clicked just in time.

“Stop!” You whisper-yelled, grabbing him by the coat and pulling him back towards you. He stumbled, losing his balance in the dark and you steadied him. He braced himself against the wall, unintentionally pressing you to it.

“What are you doing?” He whispered, eyes wide.

“The lights were still turned on. That means someone’s in there.” You breathed, heart racing fast. You could have easily been caught. You weren’t really worried for yourself because you had nothing to lose, but Hyunjin…you really didn’t want to get him into trouble, even if he was completely okay with the consequences. He squeezed his eyes shut, “Oh. Okay”

He stepped away from you, and you could hear his heartbeat. “You scared me” He mumbled, after a while. He reached up to fix his messy hair, moving it out of his eyes. “I didn’t know you were scared of the dark, Hyunjin.” You mumbled. He narrowed his eyes at you, “I’m not. I’m…scared of people yanking my arm suddenly in confined spaces.”

“I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?” You touched his arm, brushing over the coat, wondering if you’d grabbed him too hard. Had you bruised him? He didn’t stop you, as if he enjoyed being fawned over and then spoke, “So what is our plan? Are we going to stand in the stairwell forever? I thought you were in a hurry to get to the station.”

“We’re waiting for them to leave, whoever it is” You mumbled, crossing your arms as you leaned against the wall to rest, “I don’t want to run into anybody.”

“What if they decide to stay here the entire night?”

“They won’t. It must be a janitor. They’ll leave soon. Nobody even comes in after hours. The other night when I was—” You cut yourself short, not wanting to tell Hyunjin about the events of that night. He picked up on it though, tilting his head, “When you were what?”

You cleared your throat, “Nothing. It doesn’t matter.”

His lips pursed, but he didn’t question further. Suddenly, you heard footsteps. Hyunjin’s head whipped to the door, then to you, “Are they coming in here?”

Clearly he was still scared of being caught, despite all the talk of not giving a shit about the consequences. In panic, you pressed your finger to his lips, “Can you please be quiet?”

He instantly shut up, not that he had a choice with you shushing him like this anyway. His lips were soft to your fingertips, and you stared at each other in the low light of your flashlight. The footsteps sounded again, and you heard the elevator ding. Whoever was in the studio had just left. You were in the clear. 

You retracted your hand, his saliva sticking to your fingers, and if it had been anybody else, you would have wiped it off immediately because that was gross. But with him…you didn’t care. You’d lick your own fingers to taste him, if he wasn’t standing right here. The thought crossing your mind was insane and you felt annoyed at yourself for trudging into that territory again. He wanted absolutely nothing to do with you the last time you met, and the time before that, and before that. Why were you so fucking weak around him? All your frustrations with him couldn’t seem to damper the attraction you felt. “They’re gone now” You mumbled, hoping to sound as emotionless and detached as you aspired to be, wiping your hand on your coat, and Hyunjin noticed that, his cheeks tinging pink.

“Let’s go” He slowly followed behind you into the elevator lobby, where the massive glass doors led to your studio. He looked confused, “I thought we were going to a classroom”

“Yeah. We are.” You replied curtly, pushing open the doors and walking onto the metal walkway. Plants drowned you on both sides, and your company's only telltale sound was his winter boots loud on the metal grate. Hyunjin was looking around in awe, he didn’t say anything, but his eyes would always give him away. He was awestruck. A small part of you was satisfied. You’d been dreaming of this reaction ever since you’d joined these classes. At least you got to see it before you left. He reached out, touching the petals of a dozen different flowers as you passed them, until you entered the studio space. You used to feel so much joy stepping in here. But it had always been coupled with sadness too —you’d been moving on from Hyunjin in this very space, and here he was, none the wiser. 

“Shit. This is your classroom?” He stepped into the centre, doing a full circle, head tilted up to the glass ceilings. The view was so pretty at night, revealing the beauty of the lit-up skyscrapers. The famous city lights that Hyunjin loved. 

“Yeah.” You nodded, walking over to the storage cupboards. You tried not to think of Kim Jieong and what had happened the last time you were here. You had a mission, a singular focus, and you ripped open the cabinets, rifting through them to look for your painting. It was a massive canvas, but maybe somebody had rolled it up and put them here. There was no way they’d throw it away, right? You’d been working on it so deliberately. They’d have to know it wasn’t trash. Kim Jieong wouldn’t do that to you either. But after looking through every cupboard, your heart sank. There was nowhere else it could be. Maybe he did throw out your artwork, because none of the paintings you’d made in the last few months were here. Shockingly, it seemed you knew nothing of him. 

In defeat, you leaned against the desk, staring into the empty cupboard. You…had just wanted your unfinished canvas, as a stupid souvenir or something to take home with you so your time here didn’t feel wasted. You’d poured so much energy, hours of research and experience behind it. It was the first art piece in the city you’d genuinely been excited about, and now it was just…gone. Like it never existed in the first place, and you’d only been gone a week but it felt like you were already being erased.

A short laugh interrupted you. You turned to see Hyunijn bent over a telescope that looked out into the city, “This…is a dream. Holy shit.”

“I’m glad you like it” You mumbled, fiddling with your coat as you stayed in place. At least someone was having a good time. He glanced at you, cheeks red, and stood up straight, “This…is the coolest art studio I’ve ever been in.”

“Yeah. It is pretty cool”

“The range of this thing…is insane. I actually think I can see a planet from here” He spoke, focusing on the telescope again. It was cute, his tall frame bent over the telescope that was meant for much shorter people. He was so easily excited about things, like he had forgotten you’d broken into this building, and that you’d been arguing with each other less than an hour ago. It reminded you of how fixated he would get on the things he loved. 

“A planet? Wow…” You mumbled.

“Do you ever use it in class?” He asked, excitement in his tone.

“No…I never got the chance to.” Your voice dropped, trailing off at the what-ifs and your missed opportunities. You were running away from the place you’d dreamed of for so long. All because of a stupid man. It wasn’t fair to you. Nothing about this was fair. Why had you worked so hard for it to be thrown away? He blinked at you, as if he noticed the sadness in your voice, “Do you want to?”

“I don’t really know how it works.” You swallowed, staring at the empty cabinets, and your heart felt so heavy, like a huge weight was pressing down on it, and you couldn’t breathe right. All of the anxiety bubbled up in your throat, filling your lungs with it too. Your lip quivered, a tremble traveling through your spine, and the heaviness in your chest was only getting worse as reality set in. You were never going to be in here again. So much for chasing that dream.

“Come here.” Hyunjin’s soft voice broke your avalanche of despair. You sucked in a breath, hoping any tears would disappear and glanced at him. He stood against the large floor-to-ceiling window, hands around the telescope, the city as his majestic backdrop. You didn’t want to protest. This was your last night in the city, you might as well indulge in it. You walked over to him, and each step felt like so much effort, your boots loud in the quiet room.

“Stand over here” He said, his voice low but filled with excitement. “Did you forget we’re in the middle of committing a crime right now?” You couldn’t help but say, wondering if it’d snap him back to reality, if he would stop being such a romantic. His lip curled up into a smile, and Hyunjin was so pretty in the moonlight, voice dropping into a secret, “I won’t tell if you won’t.”

God. His words sent chills down your body, momentarily displacing that heaviness. A secret night with him. The temptation was screaming. You stepped up to the telescope, bending down to the eyepiece. Hyunjin grabbed your hands without hesitation, placing them in the proper position on the metal tube. His voice was tender as he explained, “Now, put your hands here, and try to look through the eyepiece in that direction.”

Had you completely derailed from the plot? Your train home was in a few hours. Each second being here was literally a crime. Still, you indulged him, squinting to see where he’d pointed it. You could only see black and perhaps you weren’t special enough to see magnificent things such as celestial planets. You felt frustrated, trying really hard to see, but it was a big blob of nothing.

“Do you see it?” He asked, voice a whisper. You saw nothing of significance. 

“No…never mind.” You breathed, standing up straight with disappointment. “Wait…” He spoke, quick to want to fix it, “Can I…?”

You shrugged, not understanding what he was asking. He grabbed you by the waist, adjusting you slightly. His hand curled around your thick coat, and you wished he was touching your skin. He was so close to your body. Your breath was stuck in your throat, and then he said, “Can you try now? Bend down again.”

You followed his instructions like they were the words of god. You tried not to fog up with the eyepiece with your breath and to focus on the view, but Hyunjin was touching you and standing behind your body, so how could you possibly focus? You mumbled, “I just see…a big white spot.”

“That’s it” He whispered, leaning down, his mouth brushing against your ear, “That’s Jupiter, Y/N.”

Your eyes widened in surprise, and you gripped the tube tighter for a better hold, “But it’s just a speck of light…”

He chuckled, breath warm on your ice-cold skin, “I know, we’re so far away from it, but it’s bigger than we can ever imagine. You see those two circles in the centre? Those are the cloud belts.”

“I see them.” You spoke, suddenly feeling so small. It was so huge, a real-life planet, and from here it was just a speck in the sky. Your place in the world felt even more trivial. It was so majestic. You tried to imagine all the pictures of Jupiter you’d seen, placing them into this context. Hyunjin’s hand was still on your waist, not that you could feel it much through the clothes, only a ghost of a touch. You straightened up, and he left his grip on you as you asked, “How do you know so much about this?”

He shrugged, like it was no big deal, “I’ve been doing some reading. We’re lucky the snow stopped. Usually, nothing is visible. The lights and cloud cover are too much.”

You stepped away from the telescope, wondering where he found the time to read up about this between his very busy life, “I see.”

He had a hint of a smile, “What did you think? It’s surreal, right?” 

It was. It was so beautiful.... 

You suddenly felt sick to your stomach, “My painting isn’t here. We should go.”

The smile on his face dropped, and he nodded, voice returning to a normal octave, “Right. Where do you think it could be?”

“I don’t know” You sighed, and the weight on your chest was back, and you couldn’t look at him right now, “I checked everywhere. They probably threw it out. I should just go to the station, it’s getting late.”

“Oh. Right.” His voice sounded hollow. You didn’t want to leave him. But he wasn’t even here, was he? He was just…doing you a favour, and then he’d go back to not wanting you in his life. 

“I can…help you look for the painting” He suggested, “Couldn’t it be in other places? We can check the rest of the building.”

“No, it’s gone. We came here for nothing. Please, let’s just leave.”

His shoulders dropped in disappointment, “This studio is beautiful. I’d…actually do anything to have a space like this to paint in, feels like I’d never run out of inspiration.” 

You stared at him, wondering what point he was trying to make now. Then he said, “Why do you want to leave this, Y/N?” 

You didn’t answer him, a horrible twisting in your gut, and glanced at the exact spot you’d been standing when Kim Jieong cornered you against the table, making all kinds of suggestions to you. You felt sick to your core again.

“It’s not because of me, right?”

You looked at him, feeling overwhelmed, and suddenly, the weight wasn’t pushing down but pulling you instead. You felt like you were drowning, lungs crushing with the force of being dragged down and you had tunnel vision, overwhelmed with everything, “What?”

“You’re leaving. Is it…because of me?” His voice was low, and his words were not helping. You couldn’t tell if Hyunjin was drowning you, or savi you right now.

A lump formed in your throat, forbidding you from speaking as you processed those words. Were you leaving the city behind because of him? Maybe. He was a big part of it, but you’d never run away from Hyunjin. You’d chase him forever if you could. How could he even think that it was cause of him? You bit your lip, “If it was because of you, I’d be gone a long time ago, Hyunjin.”

You turned to leave, and Hyunjin’s next words echoed through the large room, “Please don’t go.”

Your eyes widened at his…blatant, crude request. He’d done nothing but push you away. How could he ask you to stay?

“I know… I’m the last person who has the right to ask you to stay, but… there’s so much for you here. I know you would love it.”

You turned to face him, “Like…what?”

It’s like he didn’t expect you to actually humor him, and he blurted, tripping over his words, “You can’t leave without having seen Christmas. Everything’s…a blanket of snow, and it’s lit up, and the city lights…are so beautiful, Y/N. You can’t miss that. You can’t not see them.”

You swallowed the lump in your throat, and you wanted to cry at this. What kind of reasoning was this? Hyunjin was asking you to stay, and you must be dreaming, right? 

“Christmas is really far away, Hyunjin…”

He took another step closer, more confident like he'd found his reasoning now, “I know, but it’ll be so worth it. It’s my favorite time of the year. You’ll fall in love with it too. It seems like you hate this place, and it feels like my fault, but there is so much for you here. I’ve only been back a few months and I’ve already seen a hundred things you would love. You would appreciate them more than anybody, and I’ve thought of you every time. You belong here, not…in that town back home.”

It was so tempting, especially when he said it like that. “I can’t stay, Hyunjin”

He stepped even closer, “Why?” He asked, a desperation slipping through. He cared so much. You wish he had shown it before. It didn’t matter now. Things had immeasurably changed, in this very room. You had been trying so hard to not feel the weight of everything, but it was impossible. Not when he was looking at you like that.

The dam broke.

A single tear at first.

Then a sob. “Hyun…”

Immediately, without any question or hesitation, he closed the distance between you and pulled you into his arms. 

His touch brought on a wave of tears. You wrapped your arms around his neck, burying your face in his chest, pitiful sobs bubbling to the top. For the longest time, he just held you in his embrace and you cried. All you could register was his hold on you, and his heart racing against your ear. He squeezed you tightly, hugging you to him to pull you even closer to his body, “Please tell me what’s wrong.”

“He…he tried to—” You sniffled, unable to form the words.

“What?” He tensed in your grip. He clearly hadn’t expected to hear anything of that sort, but his hand still ran circles over your back, “Who did what?”

“Kim…Jieong.” You mumbled, eyes squeezed shut in his chest, not wanting to burden him with this knowledge but your throat felt clogged with emotion that you couldn’t contain within yourself anymore, “He…said I could convince him”

You were aware that you made no sense, but it was enough for him to understand. Hyunjin pulled back, hands holding your shoulders as he looked at you, and his eyes were wide, “What? Did he touch you?”

“No…” You sniffled, lip trembling, “He…just…”

Hyunjin’s hand came up to your face, holding your chin unbeknownst that your professor had tried the same. You were only filled with terror when Kim Jieong did that, but right now…you felt the safest in the world. Your face was hot, his hand was warm on you. His thumb wiped your tears, the other hand holding your face tight, “What did he do?”

You shook your head, vision blurry from the tears in your lash line, and you had no idea how to explain this, “Hyunjin. I… don’t even know how to deal with this.”

“You don’t have to. That’s what I’m here for.” He said. You looked up at him, eyes blown wide, “What do you mean?”

He took in a breath, still holding you strongly, as his thumbs gently wiped the tears streaking down your face, and his soft gesture was a stark contrast to his next words, “Tell me what he did. I’m going to talk to that piece of shit.”

“No, you can’t. I…I don’t have any proof, Hyunjin and I don’t even know if he was trying something—” You trailed off, struggling with your words but he wasn’t even listening. He was staring into the distance, “I have to go talk to him.”

“What?”

He started walking out. What the fuck was he doing? You ran after him, tugging at his arm, “What are you talking about? It’s the middle of the night.”

He turned to you, his eyes were dark, and his jaw was clenched. and there was more emotion in his face than you’d seen in the past hour as he said, “He…he fucking touched you. He can’t… do that.”

“Oh my god, you can’t go after him” 

“Why?” He asked, eyes searching yours. You weren’t equipped to deal with whatever anger he held in him. It seemed like Hyunjin had quickly forgotten who he was in this world. A world-famous celebrity who definitely couldn’t go after a renowned artist, especially not at this time of night. As much as you appreciated the gesture, it wasn’t thought out at all, and it pissed you off, “You don’t even know what happened, Hyunjin!”

“It doesn’t matter. I know enough.”

“Can you please just…calm down?” Your eyes widened, regret soaring through you, “I…I knew I shouldn’t have told you. It was a mistake.”

He frowned, stepping closer to you, “Fuck. Don’t… don’t say that. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want you to react. I just wanted you to listen.” You said. He let in a deep breath, like he was physically calming himself down, running his hands over his face, “Okay. I am listening. I just…need a second.”

You could see the anger surging through him, and you mumbled, “I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“No, I’m…not thinking straight. I’m sorry, I just…”

“I should never have brought you here. I could have been on the train home already. You were right, okay? I am running away.” You admitted, lip trembling, “I’m sorry.”

His voice softened at your state, “What are you apologizing for? Stop. You didn’t do anything wrong”

“Yeah.” You mumbled, staring at the floor, and you realised you’d have to tell him the whole truth now, because you’d stupidly brought it up. You wiped at your face with your sleeve, but he reached into his coat pocket, handing you a tissue, “Let me…”

“You…carry tissues with you?” You vaguely registered through your clouded judgement, wiping your face. He was quiet for a minute, and you tried to collect yourself. You were embarrassed, and your face was burning hot from crying, and from the shame, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cry…I ruined your coat.”

“Come here…” He led you to the nearest table, pulling you to sit next to him. He hesitated before reaching out, hand on your back as he spoke, “I’m sorry for reacting. I…I didn’t expect to hear that, but you can’t understand how this makes me feel. I know you don’t want to talk about it but I’m going to drive myself crazy if you don’t tell me what happened.”

He was right, and you probably would have reacted worse if someone had hurt Hyunjin. You would have lost your mind. You had thrust this information upon him unwillingly, and he did deserve to know the truth of it. Now that you tried to recall it, most of it felt like blanks in your mind and you muttered, “There’s an art scholarship that we were told about. It was a big one. If we won, it would pay for the rest of our year, and we could present our work in this gallery. It was supposed to be a huge honor. I was working on a painting for it the other night. I was here by myself…and…Jieong saw me working. I don’t…know how it led to that. I don’t remember most of it, but he said he liked that I was… desperate.”

“What?” Hyunjin interrupted you. You swallowed, “He said that I was desperate to be liked and respected and that I could go a lot of places in the world, if I…convinced him somehow. That all I had to do was ask him…and my dreams could come true.”

He scoffed, “By sleeping with him?”

“I don’t know. I left after that.” You mumbled, staring at the floor, “I was really confused.”

“He hurt you?”

You shrugged, a fresh wave of tears springing up, “No…at least not physically”

His hand reached out to yours, “I’m…really sorry that happened, Y/N.”

You pulled your hand back before he could touch it. You weren’t here tonight to seek Hyunjin’s comfort. You were just offering him an explanation so he wouldn’t be left in the dark after you were gone. You said, “But nothing even happened, Hyunjin. Nothing I can prove anyway. Except that he’s cancelled my scholarship.”

“He can’t do that” He said. You mumbled, “I missed out on an entire week of classes. He…has valid reason now.”

“Did you tell anyone?” He asked, “Any of your friends from class?”

As if having this conversation once wasn't embarrassing enough. You didn't plan to tell anybody else about it. It would be a secret you'd take to the grave. If you told people, all they'd question was your obsession to come here in the first place. After all, why would a married man come on to you at all, risking his career? You must have come on to him -- at least that's what everyone would think. You shook your head, “Nope…Just…you.”

“I’m…sorry that this happened. I wish I could…do something to help.” He spoke. You looked at him, unable to comprehend that he was being kind to you again. He was so tender and caring right now, but how long could this really last? The last time he was this tender was in the storage closet, and he’d kissed you so passionately and then immediately cut you off. Wasn’t this compassion just temporary? You stepped away from him, running a hand over your face to wipe away the dried tears, “Yeah. No biggie.”

He noticed the change in your demeanor, dropping his hands to his lap, but said nothing of it. You stared at the place where Jieong had tried to make a move, and where your canvas had been. You wish you hadn't come here that night at all, then you could have been blissfully unaware of his behaviour and stayed happy. The longer you stayed here, the sicker you felt. 

“We should talk about this in my car.” Hyunjin said, offering his hand to you again. You stared at his soft palm and inviting touch, but you didn’t take it. If the rejection hurt him, he didn’t show it. You just hugged yourself, “Okay”

You followed him into the elevator lobby, about to head for the stairwell again, but he pressed the button for the elevator. You frowned, “We can’t go out the front door. If they see you—”

“I really don’t give a shit about that right now” He spoke, pushing a hand through his hair, and you noticed how tense he was, “If they catch me, I’d have a lot to talk to them about anyway.”

“But… this is not worth it.” You spoke, as the elevator doors opened. He took in a breath, facing away, running another hand through his hair, you realised he always did that when he was nervous, “I just… can’t believe they let an artist like that work with them.”

You steadied yourself against the elevator wall, as the floors went by. The doors opened into the lobby. You prayed that nobody was in there. No matter how much Hyunjin didn’t care, you didn’t want to cause a scene and you definitely couldn’t handle jeopardizing his job. If anybody saw you two… they could call the cops and he couldn’t afford to be put under scrutiny. It would risk his career and everything else that mattered. Uncaring of this, he stepped into the lobby, footsteps loud as he walked towards the front door. You followed, looking around and thankfully, the front desk was empty. The odds were in your favor, perhaps. He almost looked disappointed that there was nobody to confront as you exited the building. He was walking so fast, and you struggled to keep up as you made your way to the parking lot. Once you were sitting inside his car, you asked him, “You’re not going to do anything stupid, right?”

“I don’t know. He…needs to be fired. He can’t just get away with what he did to you. Once he gets fired, they’ll put in a new teacher, and…you can continue the classes. And for what they’ve put you through, they should grant you a new scholarship anyway, no questions asked. He should be the one to leave, not you.”

Before you could think about his words, your phone on the console buzzed, and you both glanced at it. He read it the same time as you. There was a text from Felix. have you made it to the train station yet, baby?

Hyunjin looked up at you, eyes that were suddenly devoid of anger, but…a new desperation, “Do you…still want me to take you?”

You swallowed, suddenly feeling the weight of everything on your shoulders again. Your suitcases were packed and waiting in the trunk. Your train was booked. You’d made your decision. You stared at the window, “Your…plan sounds fine Hyunjin, but… I’m not important enough for them to fire their biggest artist ever. Nothing good can come out of me staying here with that false hope.”

His eyes flickered over your features before turning away. He started the engine, and said nothing, pulling out of the driveway. You tried to gather your emotions, watching the snow piled up by the sides of the street. Your first and last snow here. You imagined being home already. It would help so much. Felix, Minho and all your friends. You'd go back to working at the art shop. Maybe you could pay a grand and enroll in the classes at the Chateau, and practice art under Seungmin. Nothing would come out of it but at least you’d be occupied. Some people weren’t built for greatness, and you could be okay with that, unlike the boy next to you. Hyunjin suddenly spoke, hands gripping the wheel tightly, “It’s not false hope. Something like this can have serious repercussions. You should’ve told me the second he did that. He would already be out of his job by now.”

He was redirecting the conversation to him, when it was about you. Your head hurt at this faux chivalry. Did he really even care about Jieong or did he just want someone to pin his anger on? You stared at him, “I don’t even have your fucking phone number, Hyunjin.”

He stopped the car, bringing it to the side of the road. You hadn’t reached your destination yet, and you were in the middle of a random neighbourhood. You stared at him, unsure of what was going through his mind, “What are you doing?”

He reached into his coat pocket, took out two identical phones and handed one to you, “I was going to give you this tonight.”

You grabbed it from him, “What is this?”

“It’s…a phone with my number on it” He said, looking right ahead, “I bought it for you.”

Your brows raised, “You…bought me a phone?”

“And this one…” He lifted his own identical phone, which also seemed brand-new, “This is mine. The only thing on it… is your number.”

“I don’t understand.”

“It’s so we can talk to each other” He turned to face you, “And nobody can trace it back to us, The phone isn’t connected to anything else, except…to each other.”

You blinked, trying to process this, “Oh”

He looked frustrated as he spoke, “I know what I said to you last time. I know that I said we can’t be in each other's life, but… I’m trying my real hardest to find a fucking way around it. What I did and said was uncalled for. I realize that…it hurt you, but you have to cut me some slack, Y/N. I’m…really trying to figure it out.”

“I’ve cut you more slack than I ever would with somebody who’s made it absolutely clear they don’t want me around them” You blinked. He sighed, “I’m sorry. I understand that what I said hurt you, and…I really didn’t mean to. You know me, Y/N, better than anyone in my life and…I would never want to hurt you like that.”

“Then why did you say all those things…?”

He let out a sigh, turning to look at you, “I was only thinking about myself. I guess… I was running away too.”

You stared at him, the irony of tonight striking you. You were blaming him for what he’d done, when you were now doing the exact same thing.

All the fight died down in you.

“We’re more alike than I thought.” He mumbled. Maybe now you could finally understand where he came from. The urge to shut down and cut everybody out had felt far too tempting. You glanced at him, holding the phone tight in your hands. This could be the last time you saw him. He’d never come to Daejon, and you couldn’t afford to come back here. Was this really it? The last time you ever saw Hyunjin. A new emotion overwhelmed you, and you weren’t ready to say goodbye so soon. “Can you please just tell me something before I go?”

His hands rest on the steering wheel, and it seemed like he’d already given up on convincing you to stay. His question came out defeated, “What do you want to know?”

You stared at his side profile, “How did you get the pictures? The ones from the booth.”

“I…went back.” He responded, not questioning the randomness of what you’d just said. You were confused, “What? Went back here?”

His hands tightened on the steering wheel, “Later that night, I went back to the summer carnival. After you’d already left. When we were in the booth, I deleted our pictures before they could be printed, but…they were still saved to the database. The machines have a backup server, they keep the data for a few hours before it’s overwritten.”

“How was that even allowed?”

“The guy that works there, I…asked him for a favor…and he obliged because well, it’s stupid…”

“Tell me.” You breathed, itching to know the story you’d been wondering for so long. His lip curled up into a reminiscent smile, “I promised to sign this album for his little sister. She really liked our band. Anyway, the guy, he let me access the backup, and…I printed them out.”

Your heart jumped at all of this effort, “Why did you do all of that after deleting them?”

He swallowed, “I changed my mind. I told you, Y/N…I wanted to remember that moment. I needed to.”

You looked away into your lap, “Oh…well…thank you for putting them in my sketchbook, but I’m sorry… I lost the pictures.”

“You what?” He looked at you. You breathed, feeling guilty, “They got ruined…so you did all of that for nothing.”

“Oh.”

There was no way for you to get them back. The summer carnival was long over, and the pictures were erased. It was strange how you two talked about them, clinging to a memory that was long gone, and he never questioned you and why you wanted them. He didn’t question why you were so fixated on them or what they could possibly mean to you. Hyunjin nodded, eyes glazing over you as if he lost deep in thought, “How did they get ruined?”

“They got wet in the rain.” You swallowed. He still seemed shocked at your previous statement, “So…you had them with you? I thought that you would throw them away, after we stopped talking…I thought you hated me.”

“You know me. I hold on to things stupidly, even if I was mad at you. Anyway, not that it matters now…” You shrugged. He nodded, like he was still in his head, and then he reached into his back pocket and took out his wallet. He opened it, pulling out a strip. Your eyes widened. 

He had them. In his wallet.

“You made a copy?” You couldn’t believe it. He let out a laugh, saying, “I went to a lot of effort for these, Y/N. Do you really think I wouldn’t have made a copy?”

“And… they’re in your wallet.” You realised. He swallowed, “Yeah”

“Have they been in your wallet this whole time?”

He blinked, “Yeah. In hindsight, it was a really stupid decision because if I ever lost it, anybody could have seen these. Guess I haven’t been thinking straight, but…you can have my copy”

You delicately grabbed it from him, and it was only worth a few coins but you handled it like it was worth millions. It was a treasured memory. A moment when you’d given in to each other completely, and you had been so happy then. You'd give anything to have those secret moments again, even if they stayed a secret forever. Nothing had felt as rewarding as his lips on yours, making you feel like he wanted you just as bad.

His copy was wrinkled, like he’d taken it in and out of his wallet a million times to look at it. Your copy used to be pristine, it stayed in your sketchbook but his…it was tattered with use. There were folds after every image, and you slowly moved your fingers over them. Your voice was soft, “Have you really changed your mind?”

“About what?” He asked, curiously. You looked at him, “You showed up at my doorstep. It must have been…for something.”

“I changed my mind about a lot of things…” He spoke, the dim streetlights reflecting in his eyes. Curiosity overwhelming you, your voice was a whisper, “You said you were running away too. What made you stop?”

In the darkness of the car, the shadows on his face were intense, and his Adam’s apple bobbed as he said, “That night in the car. You said that… all this time you haven't been okay, and that you still aren’t and I couldn’t stop thinking about that. You said you didn’t know the real me, and that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Who I was in Daejon, that’s…the best version of me, and it took me a really long fucking time to realize that. It was an asshole move that I did. I know I apologized to you, but I wanted to do it again tonight. I’m…really fucking sorry for pushing you away, Y/N. I should have just explained what was going on.” He paused, “But…I guess I’m too late since you’re leaving anyway, right?”

You looked away from him to the snow on his windshield, “Yeah, what will I do in Seoul anyway?”

“He should be the one that’s scared of you, not the other way around”

“Why would he be scared of me?”

“Because you can literally ruin him, and his career. Who knows if you’re the first person he did this to?”

“Well, clearly nobody spoke up against him yet. He’s a legend. Nothing I say will change that, and I…really don’t want to deal with the repercussions of this. I just…want to stay away from it and pretend it never happened.”

He sighed, “I have to tell you about Karina”

“What?” You looked at him.

“She’s…a friend, I guess. A couple of months ago, I asked her if she could get me in touch with Jieong. I wanted to talk to him for you, but she said she isn’t on good terms with him. Something about the way she said it makes me think that she’s been through something similar, like you, and that’s not fair. He doesn’t just get to do that and still have a fucking platform where people worship him.”

Frustration crawled from your chest, “What am I supposed to do about that, Hyunjin?”

He squeezed the steering wheel, “I don’t know, but I’ll help you figure it out. You’ve wanted to come to the city your entire life, you even hid it from your friends, you worked every summer for it. You can’t just give that up so easily. You have to stay.”

“Stay and do what, Hyunjin?”

He turned to face you, shifting closer in the little space, and his voice was quaking with nervousness, staring right into your eyes, “I don’t know. We’ll figure that out too, but…I know you, and this isn’t you. What you did, coming here all by yourself, getting into the program, that wasn’t easy. You did something most people can only dream of, and I know I didn’t express myself well, and that I should have told you sooner but I’m… I’m so fucking proud of you. My first few years here, the only reason I could survive was the members but you…you did that all by yourself. But… you’re not alone, not anymore. If you want to report Jieong, I’m going to help you. If you don’t want to do that, I’ll respect your choice.” He swallowed to breathe, lip trembling, “If you want to stay away from that drama, I’ll understand, but please…please don’t stay away from me.”

Your eyes widened, hearing his plea, and your heart was beating so loud you feared it’d burst out of your chest. Your gaze searched his, and all you saw was honesty and…fear. 

For the first time ever, you recognized the look on his face. 

He was scared of losing you. 

He had flown all the way here just to say this to you, and despite how horrible everything seemed…he was here with you. Your heart was shaking, unable to comprehend this side of Hyunjin, and you found yourself saying, “Tell me about the Christmas lights.” 

His eyes lit up, “They… they’re beautiful. They cover the whole city with them, it looks like a dream and…you have to see it. If not for long, at least stay till then, and…you can make your decision after that.”

Your eyes flickered over his form, and the desperation in his face that made your heart beat faster than it had in a while, “Okay.”

He let out a breath like he couldn’t believe your words, “Okay?”

“The lights better be worth it, Hyunjin.” You spoke, and he laughed, at your words in slight disbelief and relief. You felt a strange sense of relief too, as he drove you back.

»»————-

Hyunjin was in your apartment again. He helped you bring the suitcases up, and he was breathing heavy as he shut the door. The snow had stopped, but the temperatures had dropped more. He rubbed his hands together, blowing on them. Your apartment wasn’t much warmer, but it was still a relief to be indoors, after the long night you’d had. You looked at him from across the room, standing in your little kitchen, “Do you…want tea?”

He stood out so much in this little space. He looked at you, “I can make it for us.”

“No, that’s fine…” You declined his offer, turning to your cupboard to bring out the little box of specialty tea you’d procured from a nearby market. In your peripheral, he simply nodded, looking around the living room. You’d unknowingly put as much distance between the two of you. Him being in your space made you so nervous. Earlier, you were in such a rush, but now…he could actually see things for what they were. You’d ripped your art from the walls, but other traces of you were still here. Your little tray of knick-knacks on your coffee table, the fluffy pink blanket on your couch, and the little plants that decorated the space. You hadn’t bothered packing them up, and now you were glad you hadn’t because you wouldn’t want to redecorate all over again. He stood still near the door, taking everything in. 

“You can take your coat off.” You realised belatedly. He seemed uncomfortable in it, and it was wet from the snow. He looked at you, “Right. Okay.”

You’d taken yours off, and you stood in your white sweater. He slipped his coat off, and he wore a black turtleneck inside. He seemed so awkward. You were too. You knew that things wouldn’t just go back to normal, you couldn’t just pick up where you’d left off. Instead you watched the water in the pot boil, bubbles coming to the surface. 

“Have you been to Myeondong yet?” He suddenly asked. You looked at him, stirring the water, “Uh, not yet. What is it?”

“You haven’t? It’s a popular street here. They have a lot of shops, boutiques and food. They have really good street food. I think you’d like it.”

“Do you go often?” You asked, and stopped yourself from suggesting that perhaps he could take you. He replied, “No, it’s…too crowded. I can go but the company doesn’t recommend it.”

You nodded, turning back to the pot, glad you hadn’t asked only to be shut down by him. It was stupid to think otherwise, “Right. You need their permission. Do they know you’re here?”

You heard a soft sigh, and perhaps you’d offended him, “No… I know it doesn’t seem like that but we can still do whatever we want. It’s not like we’re under constant supervision…it just feels like that because they’re not the only ones watching us, we also have to worry about the media, about…anybody with a camera who might see me.”

“I saw Baekhyun at a club once.” You blurted. His eyebrows shot up, “You did?”

“Mmh. He was making out with two girls at the bar, and nobody really seemed to care” You elaborated. He nodded, “Yeah. He’s famous enough to get away with it.”

You bit back a scoff, “Get away with what…? Kissing? You make it sound like a crime, Hyunjin.” 

You were clearly more honest with him than you had been in the past, ridiculing all the crazy stupid standards of the industry he was a part of. Since when did people like him let a commercial, capitalist corporation decide how they live their lives? It irked you that Hyunjin gave into it so easily. Why didn’t he challenge it? Why was he just settling for it?

He seemed to have no response to your accusation, and instead said, “I thought you understood why things are the way they are.”

You did understand, at a point. When he kissed you for the first time, he had very kindly explained to you that he couldn’t let this become anything more. Yet it had. The phone he’d given you lay on the countertop, and you eyed it, “It seems like you really thought things through when getting me this phone. So what exactly happened…?”

“My managers found out about you.” He stated. You glanced at him, surprised how he said it so calmly when it had been his biggest fear, “What? How?”

“Yeah, they…overheard me and the boys at a party.” He said. You blinked, “You were talking about me at a party?”

“Be careful, the water’s going to boil over.” He stepped closer. You looked back at the pot, realizing this, and turned the stove off. He continued, “And yes. It was at the album release party. I called you that night”

“Oh” You recalled, and he had been drunk on the phone that night and you had wished to be next to him, “I remember…”

“So, anyway…they found out about you that night. It was my mistake…and they gave me a bunch of documents, and I don’t know I guess I kind of freaked out.” He came to stand opposite you, crossing his arms against his chest. His sweater was so tight on him and his arms bulged when he crossed them. You couldn’t help but notice.  It was tucked into his pants, a thick belt holding them up. You leaned against your kitchen counter, facing him, “What kind of documents?”

“A…press release statement, and an NDA.” He cleared his throat, “I guess they thought we were dating.”

“Oh. So is that what happened then? Why you acted the way you did?”

“Some of it. I didn’t want to involve you in any of that legal stuff, and they didn’t believe me when I said we were just friends. Things were spiraling with Chan and the others, not that it’s their fault, but I…I guess cutting you out felt like the easiest choice to make at the moment.”

You looked away from him, a pang resonating in your chest at those words, and bitterness filled you. Maybe it was a mistake calling him here. Maybe he should leave. He noticed the drop in your expression, “Did I say something wrong?”

“It was easy?” Your voice was hollow in the little apartment, heart-shattering at his admittance.

“What?”

You glanced at him, “Cutting me out was easy for you?”

He gulped, staring at you and his eyes burned through you, as his lips parted to say, “No, it was…the hardest thing I ever did.”

For some reason beyond your understanding, you believed him. Everything in you wanted to believe him. It was a genuine response.

“The tea,” You said, realizing you’d forgotten it. You wanted to ask him a lot more about how the past months had been in your absence, but you’d take it slow. This was a lot for one night. 

He stood up straighter, “Yeah.”

You turned around, reaching into your cabinet to take out two little mugs. You didn’t have much crockery, you hardly had people over much, and Hyunjin stepped up to help you. “Is everything you own pink?” He asked, taking the little mug from you.

You looked at him, embarrassed, “Just the mugs…”

“And the blanket…” He pointed out, looking at you. A little, teasing smile tugged at his lips. You fought your own smile, “Just drink the tea, okay Hyunjin?”

He nodded, smiling still, and poured the water into yours and his, levelling them the same. He dropped the tea bags in it, and handed it to you. You grabbed it from him, loving the warmth on your hands, “Oh. This is hot.”

He agreed, testing out a sip, “It’s nice. It was freezing outside”

You nodded, “You can sit, if you want.”

“No, that’s okay.” He shook his head and walked over to your kitchen window, bending down to peer out, “Do you keep it open always?”

“Yeah. I…like the sounds,” You told him, taking another sip, but you ended up burning your tongue, and you sighed, putting your mug away, “I heard you were in Japan. How was it?”

He had his hand out the window now, tracing the melted snowflakes that lay on the ledge, and he spoke, “Tiring, but…beautiful.”

“Kairi told me you were there for an award show?”

He turned to you again, snowflakes disintegrating in his palm, “We were”

“Did you win?”

He laughed, smiling at you, “Yeah. We won…a few. Album of the year.”

“That’s really nice.” You said, warmth blooming in your chest, “You deserved it, I’m sure.”

He laughed again, “You don’t even know who we were up against.”

“Well…” You traced a circle on the kitchen slab, “I don’t, but I heard your album. The day it came out. It was…really nice, Hyunjin.”

“Thank you. I didn’t know you listened to it.” He had a little smile as he spoke. His hair fell into his face, but some of it was tied up behind his head. Him standing with the tea in his hands, in the dim lighting of your kitchen, made him look like a dream.

Your phone buzzed, dragging both your attention to it. Felix was calling. 

“Uh, I should take this.” You told him. Hyunjin’s smile fell, giving way to another neutral expression and he just nodded, “I can head out, if you want me to.”

You looked at him. You wanted him to stay but…for what? Things were awkward, and you were so overwhelmed. Plus, it’d probably be a long call explaining to Felix that you’d actually decided to stay, and that you’d only panicked beforehand. You didn’t look forward to that conversation. Hyunjin was ready to go now though, and you wished he would stay. You wished he would once again ask you to stay. All of his passion from earlier had settled into…awkwardness, like he didn’t know what to do with himself after such a heavy confession, after begging you to stay. 

You spoke, “You haven’t finished your tea.”

He looked down at his mug, and he’d been drinking extra slow or maybe he’d poured more tea for himself just so he could stay here longer and find an excuse to talk to you, “But…Yongbok…”

Your phone kept buzzing, vibrating on the counter. You didn’t know what to say. He cleared his throat, “You should talk to him, he must be worried. I… think it’s best if I go, and I should be back at the dorm before morning. I don’t want to raise any suspicion. When I took the early flight here, I told the company it was because I was sick, so…they’d be expecting me to be at home.”

Your heart deflated, and you agreed, “That makes sense.”

There was such a strange bond. You could be angry at him all you wanted, but he was the only person you could be yourself around. The only one who brought you comfort, just by his mere presence, even if he said nothing. You had no idea what the two of you were right now, but you were warming up to him again, and things could almost be okay if this continued.

“But if you want me to stay here with you tonight, I can.” He added, “I don’t…want you to feel alone, not tonight.”

But what about every other night? You would always feel alone without him. Your eyebrows shot up at his suggestion, “I don’t know, Hyunjin. I…I don’t want to get you into trouble.”

He nodded, “You’re right. I should go. That’s probably the right thing to do.”

“Okay.” You swallowed. He put his mug away, unfinished tea, and then approached you, “If you…need something, my number is on that phone. You can call me, anytime. Don’t worry about disturbing me or anything.”

“Yeah. Okay”

He exhaled a breath, “I’ll see you soon, then. Goodnight.”

He was so close to you that you could smell the cologne, and you could smell him. His shampoo, or whatever it was. It smelled so good. You forced a smile at him, “Goodnight, Hyunjin.”

He walked to your living room, grabbed his coat, and slipped it on. 

You stood where you were, not wanting to be that close again, not trusting yourself with what you might do and regret. He looked at you from the door, “I’m…really sorry about what happened, with…Jieong, again. You don’t deserve that. Nobody does, but…yeah, I’m sorry about that.”

“It’s…not your fault.” You told him, the constantly buzzing phone not letting you think straight. 

“I know, but…I should have been there for you. I’m sorry about that too, but…call me if you need me, please.”

Your heart was crumbling, not being able to comprehend this. After all these months of sadness, was he really in your life again? None of this felt real. It was like a dream you’d conjured up to stop yourself from being so sad, but he was here, right now in your apartment. He turned the knob, and you blurted, “Wait—”

He looked back at you immediately, eyebrows raising in hope, “Yes?”

You stepped up, eliminating the distance between you, looking up at him, “Do you really mean it?”

His eyes searched yours, “Yeah.”

“You won’t get in trouble? If I contact you? What if…your managers find out about the other phone? Will you have to block me again?”

Hyunjin stared at you, and there was a determination in his eyes that you’d never seen, and a confidence, “They won’t find out.”

“If they do?”

He swallowed, gaze falling to your mouth briefly, “I’m willing to take that risk.”

“Oh.”

Your phone kept buzzing. He spoke, “You should really take that call. He would be worried.”

“You’re right.”

He glanced at you one last time, before leaving. 

You picked up your phone, voice shaky. You told Yongbok you’d decided to stay and when he asked you why, you didn’t know what to say. All your reasoning had blended into a mush of emotions and longing. Hyunjin must have said something really convincing back in the car, but you couldn’t remember what any of it was. You just knew that it had worked. You talked to him for the rest of the night. It was chilly and you should have gotten into bed, but you lingered in the kitchen for hours. It still smelt like him.

»»————-

You were woken up by a ringtone you didn’t recognise. Sitting up in bed, a heavy feeling settled in your chest. This had been happening for the past week. Each morning was compounded by sadness. As soon as you were conscious, you’d remember what happened with Jieong. Today, disorientation overtook the sadness. 

A phone was ringing. 

The ringtone…was a stupid silly love song that you were obsessed with back in Daejon. You reached for your laptop, pausing a rerun of The Vampire Diaries. You must have fallen asleep watching it, and you couldn’t comprehend what episode you were on now, having missed most of it in your asleep. Grabbing the blanket around your shoulders, you trudged to your living room, and sure enough, your new phone was buzzing. There was only one person who had this number. It was still baffling how Hyunjin bought you a flip fucking phone just so you could talk to him.

hyunjin hey, i just wanted to make sure it was working so i guess this is a test message you yea. its working. hyunjin oh im sorry. did i wake you up? you yup  hyunjin sorry…i hope you got enough rest. how did yongbok take it? you he was disappointed. he really wanted me to come home.

hyunjin i can imagine. did he ask why you changed your mind? you why? you want me to tell him that it was because of you? hyunjin it was? you i don’t know hyunjin. im still trying to figure it out. im kind of all over the place. hyunjin i understand

You stared at his texts, and this must have been the millionth time he had said sorry, but did he even know what he was sorry for? So much had happened in his absence, and it seemed like he had no idea what his loss had meant to you. Every conversation still felt like walking on eggshells, you didn’t know what he wanted from you now. Did he still have feelings for you? The night in the Atelier, he had said everything to get you to stay, yet nothing at the same time. All of his words were so carefully constructed for you, and you wish he’d been clear about what he wanted. Your heart was so fucking torn and confused. A part of you was still pushing Hyunjin away, and perhaps your anger was still lingering. But oh, you missed him so much.

He wanted you to see Christmas. You found yourself searching through search engines for pictures of Seoul during that festive time, and it sure looked beautiful and pretty, but it didn’t seem like a big enough deal. He must really love Christmas or something. You glanced over at your suitcases that lay at the edge of your bed, second-guessing everything when your phone began ringing, and you didn’t have the heart to ignore him. You crawled over to where it lay on the nightstand, and put the phone to your ear, listening quietly.

“Hey.” He spoke, a relief in his tone, “You picked up.”

You lied back down, pulling your covers over yourself, “I did.”

“What are you doing right now?” He asked. You stared at your ceiling, “I was watching a show…” You hadn’t been the most responsive tonight or this past few days. You were having trouble figuring out what this new relationship between you and Hyunjin meant. “You…haven’t unpacked?” He asked. You shrugged, “No. I’d prefer having it ready to go if I change my mind.”

There was a pause on the other end, “Right. Well, if you do plan on leaving, I hope you don’t do it in the middle of the night again. It’s not very practical.”

He was joking about it, but for some reason it made you smile, “Yup. I’ll be sure to wait until dawn next time.”

“Back when I was at the academy, I always had my suitcase packed up under my dorm bed, and I hid it there, just in case I needed to leave one night.”

“Why would you need to leave?” You frowned. He chuckled, harshly, “Um, training was hard. I almost quit…a lot of times.”

“Why was it hidden?” You sat up. It felt weird that you’d known him all this time but never known this. He laughed, “I was too nervous to admit I was scared. If I thought of quitting, it would make the other trainees think I was weak. I couldn’t let them see that. That’s the fastest way to be targeted.”

You heart hurt at the thought of a younger Hyunjin being scared, “You never told me that…”

“Yeah, it’s…something I don’t really like to talk about.”

“I’m sorry for making you think about it.” You bit your lip, feeling guilty for reminding you of a worse time. His tone was light to reassure you, “It’s not your fault. I guess seeing you the other night reminded me…of me.”

“Yeah. Why are you up at this time though?” You glanced at your bedside clock. He spoke, “I’m waiting for the guys to get home. They’re coming back from Bangkok tonight, and they have a late flight. I hope you’ve been getting enough sleep though.”

It was a strange feeling, knowing you and him were in the same city, unable to fall asleep. This was a first. You wish you could call him over, and maybe you could help each other fall asleep. Holding him would definitely help all your worries, and you could imagine how warm his body would be to cuddle. Would he even fit in your bed and on your cheap mattress, or would you have to be on top of each other? The thought made your heart squeeze. You were so tired of holding back all these thoughts, you wanted to be able to say them out loud. There was no point keeping these feelings to yourself, but for now, it didn’t seem appropriate for this new friendship you two were discovering. You swallowed your desires, saying, “I have to go to the Atelier this week to withdraw my application.”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“What?” Yes. Yes. You wanted him with you all the time.

“I just thought that you might feel anxious, and…I can wait for you. If you ever feel uncomfortable, you can let me know and I’ll take you home.”

It was funny how he always knew the right thing to say, pushing all the right buttons that made your dopamine go batshit insane. It was funny that he was perfect for you, yet you still weren’t together.

“But you can’t even be seen in public with me.” You responded, and you hated thinking with your head and not your heart. He was quick to offer a solution, “I’ll…be in my car. It’ll be fine. Nobody will know I’m there.”

You chewed on your lip, considering your options, “You don’t have to go through all of that effort. It just sounds like an inconvenience for you to be there.”

There was silence on the other end, and Hyunjin spoke, “I don’t want you to be around Kim Jieong by yourself.”

“I’ll be fine.” The idea of Hyunjin accompanying you sounded tempting, but you couldn’t take responsibility for something like that. You’d caused him enough trouble in his life as is.

»»————-

Later that week, the receptionist of the Atelier was staring at you, a disapproving look on her face, “Are you sure? Once you input this request, you can’t change your mind.”  

“Yeah. I’m sure. I’m…positive” You spoke, hands flat on the front desk. She frowned, “You’re… positive that you want to withdraw your admission?”

The words sent a pang through your chest, a cruel reminder to your predicament, but you nodded, “Yeah.”

A familiar, comforting voice suddenly rang through the lobby, and you turned to see Jeonghan run up to you, a huge portfolio bag in hand. He was a sight for sore eyes. He looked so relaxed in his bucket hat and an oversized mint-green cardigan, with a smile on his face, “Y/N! Are you feeling any better?” …Right. He thought you were sick. He thought that’s the reason you hadn’t shown up to any classes. You smiled up at him. You hadn’t seen him in a while, “Yeah. Can you just give me a second? I’ll finish up here.”

“Sure. I'm just waiting for my friend anyway.” He nodded, slinging an arm around you, pulling you close. The receptionist blinked at you, unfazed by Jeonghan’s affectionate arrival, “And you’ve spoke to Mr. Jieong about this?”

“Yes, I’m sure he knows” You spoke, “Spoken to him about what?” Jeonghan asked, looking at you. You bit your lip, glancing up at him, “I… it’s not important”

He frowned, a sassy look on his face, “That’s not suspicious at all.”

“I can’t withdraw your admission unless you get your professor's signature" The receptionist said, handing you back your documents.

“I’m sorry, what?” Jeonghan laughed. You sighed, stepping away from the front desk and he tagged along, “I’m fucking tripping, right? Or did she just say you’re withdrawing your admission?”

You shrugged, staring at the documents in your hand, “I don’t know, I can’t afford it anymore. I have to talk to Jieong. Do you know where he is?”

“Probably in his office.” He said, “But are you not going to explain what’s going on?”

“I can’t get into it right now. Will you please come with me? I don’t want to be by myself.” You asked. He spoke without hesitation, “Of course I’ll come with you.”

You felt a different kind of terror and disappointment when you entered Jieong’s office. Jeonghan was right next to you, holding your hand and he didn’t even know what was happening but you were glad to have his support. Kim Jieong was hunched over his desk, looking through what seemed like portfolios, until he noticed the two of you walk in. He smiled brightly at you as if nothing had ever happened, “What brings the two of you in?”

You stared at him, figuring out what you could possibly say. Jeonghan’s hand was on the small of your back, and he squeezed you lightly as if encouraging you, and he said, “Just accompanying a friend.”

You looked at Jieong, and the way he sat like a king in his chair, and spoke, “I…needed your signature on something.”

“Nate. Do you mind if I speak to Y/N alone?” He asked, sending him a sweet smile. Jeonghan nodded, “Sure, of course.”

You could say nothing as he left you two alone. Jieong took off his glasses, staring at you, “This is ridiculous, Y/N.”

“I can’t do the classes anymore” You told him. His eyebrows shot up, “After everything you did to get in, you’re giving up like that? I know it’s hard, but don’t be so temperamental.”

“I’m not giving up. I’ll…still paint” You mumbled. He tilt his head, “For yourself? Where is that going to get you? I just think you’re making a big mistake.”

You swallowed, “So what, I come just back to classes and pretend nothing happened?”

“Well, what did happen, Y/N?” He chuckled, “I came to check in on you. As a concerned adult, I am responsible for my student, and you just ran away. And then you decided to skip classes for some reason. Now you’ve lost the chance for the scholarship, but you can still continue in the program.”

You stared at him, not even realising that of course he’d deny everything. You wondered if you should address it, but maybe now was the only time you could. “You…you said I should convince you.”

He leaned forward on his desk, “By making your greatest painting yet, of course. How…else? You are an artist at the end of the day, aren’t you?”

“Can you please just sign my document so I can leave?” You spoke, more venom in your tone than you intended. He was pretending it didn’t happen. He frowned, clicking at his pen, “You’ve already paid for the next few months classes. You’re just going to let that go to waste?”

Were you making a big mistake? You were acting too much on emotion. Yet you couldn’t imagine being in the same room as him again, and feeling comfortable. He had ruined this for you.

“You used to be my favourite artist...” You said, almost accusatory. He stood up, the sound of his chair dragging against the wood was loud, “Used to be? Does someone else have your heart now?”

Your phone started buzzing in your pocket, Hyunjin must be calling you, and Jieong stepped around his table, walking closer to you. You hated this. You hated looking at him, and feeling this fear and anxiety when you should only feel admiration. “Please. I just need your signature and I’ll be gone. I haven’t said anything to anybody and I’m probably moving back home anyway, so please just do this for me.”

He crossed his arms, talking so nonchalantly as if this were a casual conversation, “No. If I let you withdraw, that’d be wasting your talent and potential.”

“So you want me to stay in the program?”

“That’s all I’ve wanted since day one.” He laughed, “You’re one of my most talented.”

Your head was beginning to hurt, “Then why did you cancel my scholarship…and why are you being like this?”

“I’m not being like anything. I’m just asking you to consider staying in the program. I don't know why you're so insistent on running away.” He stepped closer, and a month ago, his tone would could comforted you but not anymore. You made sure you were near the door so you could leave if you needed to, and you tried to find the least offensive way to say what you felt, “What do you mean? You made me uncomfortable the other night.”

“What did I do? Am I not allowed to check up on my students anymore?” He was acting clueless, and it pissed you off.. You felt insane like you were speaking to a child who couldn’t comprehend anything, “I don’t know…you tried to grab me.”

“No offence, Y/N, but you’re not exactly my type. In case you forgot, I’m a married man.” He held up his hand, showing you his wedding band, “If anything, you’re the one who’s been coming on to me.”

“What? No, I haven’t.”

“Really?” He didn’t seem like he believed you, and you didn’t have to justify yourself anyway. You felt frustrated by the way he was addressing this situation, making you feel crazy. “I’ve …never come on to you. That’s…insane. I have a boyfriend. I would be crazy to do that, not to mention how…inappropriate that is. Do you think I’d risk my—”

“You have a boyfriend? What you told me the other night was different.” He tilt his head. You were only going in circles and not going anywhere, as you said, “I try to keep my professional and personal life separate.”

“What’s his name?” He asked, clicking the pen in his hand, the noise driving you mad. You almost ended up saying Hyunjin’s name, until you realised you obviously couldn’t fucking do that. Hyunjin couldn’t be the convenience in this case, you don’t know what Jieong could do with that information, especially if he found out who Hyunjin really was. You swallowed, “Nate. Obviously.”

Jieong’s expression shifted, “I see.”

You weren’t sure if he believed you or not, but you wouldn’t stick around to find out, “I don’t even know why I’m talking about this with you. I just need you to give me my documents, so I can leave.”

“I’ll think about it.” He spoke. Your eyes widened, “What?”

“You can come collect them later, in case I change my mind.” He said, returning to his desk and sat down nonchalantly. You stared at him in disbelief, not wanting to start an argument or make him mad. This was pointless. You left his office, feeling worse than before, informing the receptionist that you couldn’t even fucking resign right now. Everything felt harder than it should be. A hurdle for everything. Getting into this program had been impossible, and it seemed like getting out of it was just as tough. 

The phone in your bag kept buzzing, and you stepped into the bathroom, picking up his call, “What?”

“Y/N…” Hyunjin seemed surprised at your tone, “I…was trying to reach you. What happened?”

Your eyes brimmed with tears of frustration, “Nothing. I’ve had a bad day. Why were you calling me so much?”

“I was going to come to the Academy. Are you still there?”

“You’re what?” Your voice shot up. His voice was calm on the other end, “I can’t let you speak to Jieong alone.”

“Where are you right now? You can’t come. They keep a record of every visitor and… you can in trouble with your company for being here. And I already talked to him so there isn’t any point.” You spoke. It was also frustrating how you wanted Hyunjin to be there for you, but you had to think of his life and his job always first, before yourself. It had always been the case though. He was quiet for a minute and then said, “You were alone with him? Where are you right now?”

“Nate was with me.” You said, staring at yourself in the mirror, and you looked like shit, in a hoodie you had worn for three days straight, “He’s…waiting for me outside.”

“I see…” Hyunjin responded, “I’m sorry. I wanted to be there for you.”

You sighed, “Don’t beat yourself up over it, Hyunjin. I’m fine. Jieong was absolutely useless though. He didn’t even let me withdraw! He was…being cryptic, and frustrating. I had to tell him Nate’s my boyfriend just to get him off my back.”

Hyunjin’s response was dry, “Oh. Okay.”

“I mean… I was lying.” You were stupidly justifying yourself, and he mumbled, “Yeah. Makes sense…I haven’t been able to focus on anything else but you since I woke up, so I just thought it’d be better if I came over there.”

“You don’t have to leave work for me, Hyunjin." You suddenly felt guilty, "I’m sorry we haven’t talked much. I just haven’t been in the best state of mind.”

“I just…want you to know that I’m here, if you ever want to talk about it. I’m sorry that you’re having a bad day.”

“Don’t worry about it, it's not your fault or anything.” You mumbled. He said, “I’ve been thinking and…I want to take you somewhere. I think it’ll take your mind off things.”

The request excited you, but coming from Hyunjin’s mouth, you couldn’t really believe it, “Somewhere in the city?”

“Yeah.”

“But is that allowed? For you to be seen with me in public?” It was the only question you had. You didn’t mean for it to sound so cold. It came out harsher than intended. Allowed as if Hyunjin was a child who needed permission to do anything he desired. He was quiet, and you feared you’d crossed the line, but then he suddenly said, “I…asked my manager for permission.”

At those words, your eyes widened. That was certainly something you hadn’t expected. “And what did you say?”

He let out a nervous chuckle, “I may have lied and told him my cousin was visiting from America and that it was my… responsibility to show them around the city. He obviously can’t stop me from hanging out with family, even if it’s in a crowded place.”

“So…I have to pretend to be your cousin?”

He laughed, “No. God, no. You don’t have to pretend to be anything. You can…be yourself. It’s just gonna be me and you.”

“Really?” You didn’t know what this was. Hyunjin was…definitely opening up to you in a way he hadn’t in months. You had no idea what to make of it. Perhaps this meant nothing in the grand scheme of things. Maybe he was only being friendly to make up for his behavior.

“Yeah. Is that okay with you? If it’s just…us?”

Just you and him. You’d craved for him this whole time. He seemed nervous since you hadn’t answered, “Y/N?”

“I’m here,” You said. He must have expected that you hung up. “Oh,” He replied, his tone relieved at hearing your voice. 

“So where did you want to take me?”

“You said that you haven’t been to Myeon-dong, and… that’s a crime. I was hoping to show you around.” He added, “But I… don’t know. I would understand if you were still pissed about… what I did, and if you don’t want to go.”

“I’m not pissed…” You thought about his words, “I’m just kind of confused, Hyunjin.”

“About me?”

“No, actually, let’s not discuss this over the phone…things get misinterpreted and… I’m really tired right now,” You mumbled. Hyunjin suddenly wanted to hang out with you again and this was a lot to unpack and shouldn’t be done now. He agreed, “You’re right. I'm sorry again that I couldn’t see you. I really didn’t want you to feel like you had to do that alone. Because I’m here, for you. I know I haven’t been but…yeah.”

When he said stuff like that, your stomach twisted. You’d been trying to maintain a line between you and him, a boundary based on all of the recent events, yet it felt futile. Your voice dropped, “Yeah, thank you.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

You nodded, and a part of you already felt lighter at this proposition, “See you then, Hyunjin.”

You stepped out, making your way to the entrance and Nate spotted you. He ran up to you, pulling you into a half-hug, “How’d it go with Jieong? I can’t believe he kicked me out of his office.”

You shrugged, squinting under the sun, “I may have told him you were my boyfriend…”

He laughed, a smirk on his face, “What? Is that your way of asking me out?”

It was kind of nice that he had no idea what was going on. You could still pretend that things were normal. You felt embarrassed, pushing your hands in your pockets, “Jeonghan…no.”

“I know. I know. I’m kidding” He smiled, then took off his bucket hat, placing it on your head to protect you from the sun, “You need to get yourself a pair of sunglasses.”

“Thanks” You smiled. It was nice to be distracted from your disastrous exchange with Jieong. He looked around at all of the art students walking to classes, then back to you, “So are you coming back to class on Monday? You know it sucks without you, right?”

“Really? I take it you guys miss me a lot then.” You smiled. He rolled his eyes, “Of course I do. Honestly, you were my favorite thing about it, especially this last semester. Jieong’s got a stick up his ass for some reason. Anyway, me and Minnie miss you. Well, me more than her. I don’t have anybody to teach me your crazy ass techniques anymore. I mean, you’re the only one who can make me get my hands willingly dirty and paint with them.” 

You narrowed your eyes at him, “They weren’t crazy. I thought you enjoyed painting with your hands. You’re a dick.”

He grinned, tapping your hat, “Only for you.”

You then noticed the black and gold bags at his feet, “So, what’s in the bags?”

“Unfortunately, nothing for you.” He sighed. “I was shopping for a tuxedo. Actually, now that you're here, I did have a crazy favor to ask you.”

You looked up at him, in anticipation, “Yeah? What’s the favour?”

“My sister, she lives in Busan, I told you, right? Well anyway, she’s getting married next Saturday, which is crazy in itself but…long story short, you’re coming with me. There’s no way I’m surviving that alone.”

“You want me to be your plus-one?” You asked. He shrugged, “I mean, you already told Jieong you’re my girlfriend…so it doesn’t hurt to keep up appearances does it?”

“I mean, I have to think about it. Do I have to dress up fancy and all?” You asked. He nodded, “Yeah, a formal dress preferably, but if anyone can pull that off, it would be you. You being by my side would actually make it bearable. Will you think about it and let me know? If you absolutely can’t go, that’s okay, I’ll take Minnie along, but… I’d…really prefer if it was you. After all, I can’t make out with Minnie when I’m drunk.”

You rolled your eyes, “It’s almost like you’re trying to convince me not to go.”

He smiled, “Please let me know about it. I gotta go meet my friend now. I’ll hopefully see you next Saturday?”

Maybe going to a fancy wedding would take your mind off things, and you smiled as he kissed your cheek goodbye, “No promises.”

»»————-

This was the Seoul you’d seen in the movies. It’s as if you’d stepped into a full spread of a magazine that you’d fawn over in your school library as you stared at Myeon-dong street. A seemingly endless alley of shops, food, and anything a person could want for. It was the afternoon, and it seemed to be the busiest time as throngs of people filtered in and out through the streets. Your gaze fell upon families, couples, and teenagers filling the streets still in their school uniforms.

There was a newspaper stand set up next to you, selling magazines and papers of all kinds, it even had some pop merchandise, random objects with pictures of idols on them, ranging from socks to mugs to paper fans. It was bizarre. The lady at the shop smiled at you, “Looking for something in particular?”

“Um, no, I was just looking.” You shook your head. She was dressed really well, and she smiled at you, “What’s your favorite group, sweetie?”

Your eyes meandered over the merchandise, and for a moment you considered saying the name of Hyunjin’s band but quickly decided against it, “Uh, I don’t listen to…” Just then, a teenage girl and her friend came behind you, filming a vlog of some kind, and the lady asked them the same question, her attention switching in a millisecond away from you, “Looking for something?”

To your surprise, the girl enthusiastically nodded, “Yes, please! Could we get a Hwang Hyunjin and Changbin necklace?”

Your eyes widened, and you stepped away from the stall to hide your reaction. You could see the lady reach into her supplies, pulling out several decorative items, along with t-shirts and necklaces. Hyunjin was on half of them, and a strange sense of pride and wonder filled you. That must be so fucking weird for him, but you suppose it also must be satisfying to be this famous. The teenage girl immediately reached for the Hyunjin necklace, a pendant with his name carved out in silver, and it was actually pretty, and not tacky, and a part of you wanted to get one for yourself but he’d think you were crazy if you did. She immediately put it around her neck, a big smile on her face. You stepped away, a strange jealousy building in your stomach.

It was almost the time he said he’d meet you here, so you walked to the junction, hands pushed into your deep coat pockets, looking around for the familiar face.

In the midst of the crowd, he was waiting for you.

He stood tall in a suede trench coat, a turtleneck, and a bag slung around him. He wore a black mask, obscuring his face from the onlookers, but people were still looking at him. Of course they were. He didn’t need to show his face to be the most beautiful man in the room.

He was looking around too, and you waited for him to notice you. Would you stand out to him too, like he did to you? Could he pick you out of a crowd of hundreds?

You pulled your phone out of your pocket, wondering if he would call and ask where you were. But then he noticed you. Even in this distance, you saw his eyes light up in recognition, and immediately, he stepped ahead, pushing through the moving crowd to get to you. You waited where you were, as he got closer and closer. Your heart pound to a different beat now. You had no idea what today would be about or what any of this meant to him, and one of the reasons you’d agreed to meet was to find out. He finally approached you, and his eyes crinkled as you imagined the hidden smile under his mask, “You’re here…”

You nodded, looking up at him, “Have you been waiting long?”

He shook his head, voice muffled, “No, don’t worry about it.”

You wish you could see him without the mask, but too many people here could recognise him. “There’s a couple of places I wanna show you.” He said, gesturing you to move. You walked next to him, and the tight space pushed you two together, arms brushing mistakenly. You looked around, “There’s a lot of people here”

“Mmh. It’s one of the busiest times of the day.”

“Why did you pick this time then?” You glanced up at him. He looked at you, “Well…Right now, we can just blend into the crowd. If there’s less people, we’re more likely to be noticed, and draw attention.”

So he had thought of that, and he was right. You weren’t really looking at other people because there were just far too many to keep track of, so they likely wouldn’t be looking at you too. To them, you just seemed like a normal couple on a day out. Your arms brushed against each other the whole time, and his hand hovered over your back. You kept sneaking glances at him, and it was harder because you were moving so fast, and he was taller and there was only so much of him you could see. Every time there was a change in the crowd, he’d quickly switch sides, grabbing your arm to keep you close. When you looked at him, his eyes crinkled as he tried to justify, “Just making sure I don’t lose you.”

The words sent a flutter through you, and you asked him, trying to be heard over the cacophony of sounds, “Did you know shops here sell merchandise with you?”

He looked back at you, distracted. He was seemingly too focused on finding his way through the crowd, “Um, yes, I’ve seen a few. Wait… this place has the best fried chicken, you need to try it. If we come later in the evening, there will be a really long wait for it. Changbin once made me wait two hours for it.”

“Oh, wow. Was it worth it?” You asked, stopping at what looked like an inconspicuous stall. He laughed, “I don’t know about that, but I’d do anything for Changbin, so I definitely wasn’t complaining. Anyway, the last time I was here, I could’t help but wonder what you’d think of it.” He then ordered a plate for the two of you, and you watched the vendor prepare it. It already smelled amazing, and you eagerly waited, hands in your pockets, “So do you come here with the guys often?”

He shook his head, “No, we haven’t gone out in a while. We’ve been so busy with promotions….and the album, haven’t really found time to relax.”

“I’m sorry. That sounds stressful. Do you not get any vacations?”

The vendor had finished preparing the chicken and was now seasoning it, sprinkling all kinds of spices over it. Hyunjin shrugged, “I think I used up my lifetime of vacations in Daejon.”

“Right.” You recalled all of his months there, “I hope you still got paid for it.”

He shook his head, face buried in the front of his coat, “It was still worth it though. I got to meet you.”

You blinked, wondering how and why he said such soul-changing stuff so casually. Like at a fucking chicken stall on the sidewalk. How did these things come so easily to him, but love so difficulty? You shrugged, “Right. I guess that’s why you didn’t need me anymore when you came back home.”

It was a joke, obviously, but Hyunjin’s eyebrows crinkled, “Y/N…”

“Oh, look, our food is ready.” You changed the topic, suddenly feeling guilty for bringing it up, and not wanting this to be awkward. He didn’t protest at your lack of subtlety, “Yeah. Come on, we can go into this alley so we’re not in everyone’s way.”

You followed him into a nearby alleyway. It was less crowded, so Hyunjin seemed more at ease at not being recognized yet you could see he was still a bit on edge as he kept his head down, avoiding eye contact with any passerby. He leaned against a brick wall, and you stood opposite him, savoring some of the chicken. He asked you, “You like it?”

To be honest, you couldn’t even process what you were eating. It was kind of hard to focus on other things when he was here, and this could have been the best chicken in the world but your internal monologue ran on a loop of Hyunjin, Hyunjin, Hyunjin. It was annoying, and you wish you could focus on the environment you were in, on the other people around you, on the street food. But you nodded, your crazy urge to be a people-pleaser and said, “Yeah, this is so fucking good. Are you gonna have some?” 

He shook his head, laughing, “I’m good. I’m just glad you like it.” You hummed, “Thank you for making me try it…”

You hated that the mask obscured his face. You couldn’t tell what he was thinking, and it made you anxious. He didn’t say anything for a while as you ate, like he was building up the courage to ask, until he finally did say, “So…how are you feeling, really? And please…don’t just say you’re fine. I want to know how you’re really doing. And how you’ve been the past few months. I’ve been wondering that for a while.”

Your eyes searched his, and that certainly didn’t seem like street side conversation but it was all you had, “That’s a pretty loaded question, Hyunjin, but I guess it’s good to be out of my apartment. Thanks for bringing me out here. I was kind of getting sick of my routine.”

He nodded, “I can imagine. You hate routines.”

You laughed, surprised that he knew that about you even though at this point, he probably knew you better than any human in the world, “Yeah.”

“Did you tell Nate that you’re thinking of withdrawing? I hope he convinced you to not do that.” He asked, hope in his tone. You shook your head, “No, he was in a really good mood, I didn’t want to ruin it.”

“He seems like a really good friend, and I know I didn’t really have the chance to talk to him, but he seems cool.”

“Yeah. He definitely helped. Seeing him had definitely put me at ease.” You reached for another piece of fried chicken, “When I was about to go back home, he didn’t really even cross my mind…but I realized, yeah, it would have been unfair to him if I just left without a word. I would definitely miss him. He was…such a big part of my last few months. I wouldn’t have adjusted to living in the city without him.”

Hyunjin was quiet, and then he spoke, “What do you mean?”

“Well,” You laughed, feeling embarrassed at the memory, but Hyunjin was the one who wanted to know all about your life the past few months, “I was so lost when I moved here. Everything seemed so…scary, but he made it easier for me.” Hyunjin was still staring at you so you elaborated, finding the need to explain, “He…made me meet his friends, he took me out to some really cool bars, and going to class was scary but he’s probably the reason I didn’t go back home sooner… now that I think of it.”

“Oh.” He pushed off the wall, choosing to walk along the alley, and you followed him, trying to keep up with his footsteps. Little hair salons and souvenir shops surrounded you. As you walked, you observed how your feet fit in the cobblestones just so you wouldn’t feel so nervous around him as you replayed the last few months in your head, “Yeah. Wow, I didn’t realize how much he meant to me until you asked. I mean…he had no reason to be so nice to me, especially because…this is embarrassing to talk about—”

“What?” Hyunjin asked, looking at you. It felt weird to think of all those months, but you were only talking about this because he asked. You’d been crying almost every day, because of…well, him. Everything had seemed so hopeless without him in your life, and now…you had bigger problems. Such as your dreams of a lifetime being absolutely fucked and burnt into the dust. So perhaps you had made your peace with what Hyunjin had done. Nothing could have made him change his mind, and there was…no point crying about it. 

You snapped back to reality, realising he was waiting for you to answer and you wonder how honest you should be. Something about how detached he’d been the past few months made it easier for you to open up, “It’s embarrassing because I was really all over the place. I was kind of…depressed? I don’t even know, but…Nate didn’t mind. He was so nice about it.” You then laughed, suddenly remembering the blind date Minnie had set you up on, “Oh, and I had this horrible fucking date, man it was so bad. Some people can be such assholes.”

“You were…depressed?”

You looked up at him, realizing how serious that could sound, “Um, I mean…that’s a big word…I guess.”

“Why…?” He looked at you, confused, eyebrows knitted together in sadness, “You weren’t happy about the apprenticeship?”

The happiness of that could never have compared to the sadness of losing him. You’d really dug yourself into a hole. You wondered how to say this without making it all about him. How could you tell him that he was your favourite thing in the world? You swallowed, “Uh…I…I was kind of lonely, I guess.”

Hyunjin stared at you, something flashing through his eyes, and it looked like…regret, or guilt. You immediately felt bad, gut sinking. He looked away from you, and cleared his throat, blinking, “So…you had a date? With Nate?”

“No, this other guy,” You explained, “A date with Nate would have been a million times better, but no, it was with this total ass. He…just wanted to get into my pants, I guess, and on top of that he also had horrible taste in beer. Nate did rescue me from it.”

“So…then what happened between you and him? At the party, you were…” He trailed off, staring at the ground as he walked, “You guys looked close.”

“I don’t know. We were just…fucking around. It doesn’t mean anything. He kissed me, and I guess that’s how it started.” 

Hyunjin glanced at you, “He kissed you?”

Why did it even matter right now? You clarified, “Technically, I kissed him…after my terrible date. And he returned it. Then, I guess we just…were casual friends who kissed.”

“Oh…Okay” 

“Yeah. You missed a huge chunk of my life.” You chuckled, and you’d finished all the chicken, so he threw the plate away in a trashcan. He then asked, “So…what else did you do in the city ever since you’ve been here?”

“I…uh…not much.” 

“What were your favourite moments?” He asked, “You must have had some good ones, right?”

You drifted off, trying to remember the times you’d been happy, and it was weird how you couldn’t think of many, “Well, when I got accepted. I was the happiest then. Then…when Jieong told me that I was talented, and when my paintings got complimented on in class. I was happy when I discovered a thrift store near my house, and…they had the cutest skirt in my size. It looked really cute on me.”

Hyunjin must be smiling, because you could see his eyes crinkle over the mask, “And?” 

“And…I was happy when I was with Kairi. We found this cute cafe we would go to. They had these really, really good sandwiches. I was happy when…” You stopped.

“When?”

You looked up at him, pushing your hands in your pockets, “When…I saw you, in the storage closet.”

He was quiet, processing your words, and then he said, “We’re almost here. Come on.”

You thought you’d just been walking aimlessly, but it seemed like Hyunjin had a destination in mind this whole time. There was a brick building hidden between K-marts and department shops. It looked abandoned. “Can we even go in?” You asked. He laughed, “Of course.” There was an incognito entrance, hidden from the public as you stepped in through the doors, “Are you sure? It feels like we’ll get murdered in there, Hyunjin.”

He glanced at you, “That’s a funny way of saying you don’t trust me.” 

You shrugged, playing along because it felt nice to pretend that things were normal again, “So, if there was a serial killer in there, you would fight him for me?”

He let out another laugh, looking at you, “I obviously would, and no there isn’t anybody in there, but maybe I should be asking if you would do that for me?”

“Nah, I think I’d sacrifice you so I could get away.” You smiled at him, and he laughed as you entered a fancy corridor. There was a huge map on the wall with different levels marked on it, and far too much detail than you’d expect. You still had no idea where you were. You tried to read it but Hyunjin walked ahead, and you caught up to him asking, “So…where are we?”

“It’s this…really cool concept store, for mainly streetwear. It’s one of a kind, all their clothes are inspired from the 90s and the coolest part is nobody really knows who the designer is. People speculate and such, but it’s anonymous and because their identity is hidden from the world, they can pretty much get away with anything, controversial designs and stuff. Ever since my stylist told me about, I knew I had to bring you here. It’s like…if Banksy made fashion, you know?”

The thoughtfulness of that didn’t miss you. He’d been thinking of you for a while, it seemed, and it looked like he was right. The first room you stepped in was already breathtaking. Cool technology surrounded the open floor plan, a suspended spaceship hung from the center, and clothes of vivid colors were displayed on racks amongst art installations and paintings. It seemed more like a museum than a fashion store. “Holy shit. You weren’t kidding.” You spoke, taking in all the futuristic displays,  “How much are these clothes even worth?”

Hyunjin laughed, “Just the same as any other high-fashion store.”

“So… insanely expensive,” You mumbled, running your hand through the variety of jackets hung up. They were the coolest designs you’d seen, and the precision that must have gone into designing them was obvious. Each had something that made it unique: different fabric patches, pockets of uncanny shapes, and neon colors that you couldn’t imagine pulling off. But in Seoul, there was an outfit for everybody, and these definitely weren’t for you. Each of them felt expensive to the touch, and you probably shouldn’t be touching them like so. 

“I wore something like this for a stage performance last month, and I was so stressed about ruining the sequins the entire time. Do you like any?” Hyunjin asked you, browsing through them too. You laughed, “Um yes, I love them, but I shouldn’t.”

“This one is really cool,” He spoke, eyeing a purple jacket, with lavendar fur on the neckline and sleeve loops. It looked like something aristocrats or royals would wear in Buckingham palace or something, so you laughed when Hyunjin asked, “Do you want to try it on?”

“If I get a speck of dirt on it, would I have to sell my soul?” You raised an eyebrow. Hyunjin scoffed, “You’re allowed to try them on. Come on. There’s a mirror somewhere here.” He grabbed the jacket off the shelf so casually, walking through the maze of displays until you reached a huge floor-to-ceiling mirror. He held the jacket up to you, and you couldn’t take this seriously, “That is so not me. It would look good on like Gigi Hadid or something.”

He rolled his eyes, “Just try it on.”

“Sure. I’ll humour you this once, but after this, I get to pick something ridiculous for you to wear.” You took off your winter coat. Hyunjin grabbed it for you, and you slipped on the purple jacket. Immediately, it felt like you were wearing millions of dollars, rich and thick fabric. It hugged your body perfectly. You turned to the mirror, running your hands over the fur, it was so soft. Wearing this would definitely make anybody feel confident.

Hyunjin hadn't said anything yet. Your eyes darted to his, and he was staring at your reflection. His eyebrows were raised, eyes wide, but you couldn’t see the rest of his face and that bothered you. You held your arms up, turning to the side to observe it, “It’s like a work of art.”

“Yeah. You make it look like one.” Hyunjin spoke. You glanced at him, feeling shy suddenly. He was so observant, so fixated on you.

“Well. Anyway. It’s my turn.” You walked to another section of the store. Hyunjin followed you through all the abstract installations. There must be a narrative behind it, but you were just happy appreciating the visuals. Silver water fountains, clothing displays that moved on their own... everything about this place screamed future. It was inspiring just to be in here. Hyunjin was sifting through a rack of streetwear. A sunglasses case rest next to it, and you stared at them, grabbing a design off the rack.

“You should try this,” You told him, offering him the glasses. His eyebrows shot up and he laughed, “Really? You don’t think they’re tacky? The gold borders?”

“I think they’d look good on you” You mumbled, but kept them back based on his reaction, “But fine, you don’t have to try them if you don’t want to—” 

“I’ll try them, Jesus” He interrupted you with a laugh and put them on. There were mirrors everywhere and he looked at himself. You wonder if he fell in love with himself too each time he saw his reflection. He pushed his hair back, a smirk playing at his lips, “Huh. I actually kind of like that. Makes me feel like a rockstar.”

He sparkled under the store lights. You’d only wanted him to wear it as a joke, but he actually made them look so good. He looked expensive, and... so out of your league. He was absolutely beautiful, and you mumbled, “You are kind of a rockstar. You should get them.” 

He glanced at you, eyebrow raised as if it was even a question. Those glasses seemed to be made for his perfect face. He pulled them off, observing the frame, “You think?”

You just nodded, not trusting what you might blurt. Probably something embarrassing along the lines of how hot he made them look, even though they were just fucking glasses, but him in them was doing something unnatural to your body.

“I can’t remember the last time I bought something for myself” He stated, pushing the glasses up over his head. You leaned against the mirror, looking up at him, “Is it because you always have to wear sponsorships and stuff?”

He nodded, “Yeah. It’s easier in a way because I don’t have to pick out much of my clothes.”

“That’s such a first-world, rich person problem, Hyunjin. I can’t believe you just said that.” You rolled your eyes. He laughed, “Hey, I’m just being honest with you, sorry.”

“You’re pretty lucky. I wish someone would buy my clothes for me” You sighed, “Unfortunately, I don’t have a stylist, and a make-up artist, and a personal shopper and a manager—”

“Stop” Hyunjin laughed, interrupting you, “I think what you pick out for yourself is pretty fantastic.”

“Yeah, I know it is.” You smiled, “So, is there any other cool stuff in this store?”

He nodded, stepping back from the mirror, and his hand fell to your lower back again as he guided you, “Yup. There’s a cafe. That’s where I was initially going to take you until you got distracted by all the jackets.”

The cafe was a beautiful rooftop establishment, looking out at the views of Seoul. You had to hold back your gasp when you walked in. There were hardly any people in, just a few men that looked like CEOs seated at far tables. Your eyes fell to the menu that hung over the counter, where every bakery item was easily more than 30,000 won. Everything was so expensive, and probably explained why this place wasn’t buzzing with people. Not everyone could afford this taste. “You should try the Pain au Chocolat. It’s one of the best in the city.” Hyunjin nudged you. You looked at him, “That statement indicates that you’ve somehow tried all the chocolate croissants in the city.”

He laughed, “Not nearly. I come here with Changbin and Jisung often though. A few weeks ago, I tried it and I just…kept imagining how much you’d like it.” 

You looked back at the menu, feeling giddy at the thought of being on his mind so often, in your absence. You stepped up to the counter, ordering two coffees and croissants. You’d come all this way after all.

“Hey, I got this.” Hyunjin said, stopping you before you could pay. But if he paid for your coffee, it would increasingly make this feel more like a date, which this wasn’t. You couldn’t make yourself feel delusional by thinking it was. 

“Don’t worry about it.” You dismissed him, handing your card to the cashier. He frowned, clearly not happy with the outcome, but you wouldn’t let him buy it for you. The cashier also seemed expensively dressed, with good taste, and she input your order and then said, “Unfortunately ma’am, you can’t wear the store merchandise around.”

You realised you were still wearing the lavendar fur jacket, loving the feel of it on you just like Hyunjin had loved it on you. Gosh, you wish you could never take it off just to see the look in his eyes again. Except you weren’t just playing dress-up. This was probably worth hundreds of thousands. You felt so embarrassed, and you immediately reached to unbutton it, “Shit. I’m so sorry…I can go put it back now.”

Were they going to charge you a lot for this mistake?

“Oh. It’s not merchandise, ma’am. We’re taking it home.” Hyunjin interrupted, and then looked at you, “You can keep it on.”

The cashier just smiled, “Oh, of course. My mistake then. Your order will be out in a few minutes. Have a nice day!”

You gaped at Hyunjin, “What?”

He laughed, tugging your arm to pull you away from the counter.

“Are you insane?”

“Oh, don’t hurt my feelings, Y/N” He joked, leading you to a table in the corner. He sat down, comfortably stretching his legs. You were still processing it, “This cost a fortune, you can’t just do that on a whim. I’m not okay with that.”

He sighed, gesturing at you to sit opposite him, “Come on. It’s not a big deal”

You crossed your arms, “Is this a way to get back at me because I paid for our coffees?”

He laughed, “Only you’d think someone’s getting back at you if they buy you a gift.”

You frowned, sitting down, “Well, I don’t like feeling like I owe someone something. This is far too expensive and I did nothing to earn that”

“Hey. You don’t owe me anything” He leaned forward, “I wanted to buy that for you. You can’t stop me.”

“Why?”

“Because…you look beautiful in it. It’d be a shame for anybody else in the world to wear it, and…” He looked embarrassed, “Because I saw that a few weeks ago and imagined it on you."

His compliment made your heart jump, and you wish you weren't so weak and crumbling over a boy of all things, but you didn’t want to feel ungrateful, “Oh….Thank you…Hyun.”

“So… you’re not mad at me then? You haven't called me that in a while.” He laughed. Your voice fell, touching the expensive material of the jacket, “No…I really love it. It’s beautiful.”

His smile grew, eyes crinkling, “I know. You look great in it.”

You eyed his mask, and that certainly could't be comfortable and you felt brave enough to finally say, “Are you going to wear that thing all day? I can’t even see you...but I guess I understand if you need to.” 

He looked around the cafe. He must have deemed it safe, because there weren’t many people on this floor, so he reached up, slipping his mask out finally. And god, he looked so fucking perfect under it. His nose was red from the cold. His lips were just as plush as you remembered, and they curled up into a beautiful smile for you, “Is that better for you?”

“I hate that you have to hide yourself.” 

His eyes widened just a tad, and perhaps he hadn’t expected you to be so candid, but you just nodded, “Don’t make a big deal out of it or something. Everybody in this country is in love with your face.”

The waitress then brought a tray of your coffees, and croissants, placing them between you. The view of Seoul from here was beautiful. Your heart soared, watching the sun fall on him, and he slipped on his brand-new sunglasses. They really did make him look like a rockstar, with the reflection of the glass buildings in them. He pushed his hair back, but it was a useless gesture because the strands fell back into place, bangs covering his forehead, and his hair had grown out much more. You looked around at the few businessmen in the cafe and asked, “So your managers really don’t mind that you’re out with a girl…on a random weekday?”

He nodded, cutting into the croissant with his knife, “Yeah of course. They don’t have to know.”

You sipped your coffee and then realized what he’d said, “Wait, what? They don’t know you’re here?”

Hyunjin glanced up at you, mid-bite into the croissant, chocolate creaming his lips, “What?”

“You told me you asked him for permission, so you wouldn’t get into trouble.” You stated. Realization sank into his features, and he nodded, “Um, yeah. I did”

Clearly, he was lying…and the fact that Hyunjin lied to his company about today put you on edge. He clearly noticed that. A sigh left his mouth, “Please don’t worry about it, Y/N…I thought everything through. I wanted you to have a good day.”

You couldn’t understand. A few months ago, Hyunjin let go of everything just so it wouldn’t risk his job, and now he was willingly doing this? What changed? Was it that he noticed your desperation to leave and thought he was at fault? Was he doing this all out of guilt, because he asked you to stay? You wouldn’t get any answers out of him right now, so you just decided to enjoy the chocolate croissant. 

“I am having a good day, don’t worry.” You remembered, “By the way I saw some shops out front. They had a lot of merchandise with familiar faces on them…”

“Oh no. What did you see?” He laughed, covering his face in his hands. He was so cute. You smiled, trying not to get distracted by how adorable he looked, “It was cool but I just… couldn’t wrap my head around it. How does it feel having your face literally everywhere?”

He took a long sip of his cappuccino, “Well…it takes some getting used to, but after a point you do.”

“I don’t think I could get used to my face being plastered everywhere, and people having it in their homes and stuff? It makes me anxious just thinking about it” You shuddered at just the thought, “You’re very brave.”

“Well, yeah you’d have your artwork in people’s homes instead.” He shrugged. You looked up at him, surprised, “That’s so far in the future, I can’t comprehend that”

“Maybe I could be your first buyer” He leaned back in his chair, “Would youu sell me one of your paintings for…a half a million won?”

“If you spend that much money on my shitty paintings, people would definitely think you’re sleeping with the artist.” You mumbled. He lift the mug to his mouth, eyes on yours over the rim, as he drank, “I suppose.”

If you could record your heartbeat in the moment, it’d cross inhumane levels surely. You stared at him, fighting the urge to smile, “Unfortunately, you’re fresh out of luck. All my paintings are in the trash as of last week…including the one I was actually proud of…the one I was working on for the prize.”

He grimaced, “Can I ask you what that painting was about?”

“Um. It was just based off this scientific theory… it’s silly.” You felt shy explaining the concept — it was completely inspired by the things Hyunjin had told you in the comfort of the night skies of Daejon. He frowned, putting away his food, “Tell me”

“I remember you telling me that there weren’t any stars in the city, and I was wondering…what would happen if there weren’t any for real. At all. In the world.”

He seemed intrigued, “And what did you find?”

“Just a bunch of theories, but… it’d make the universe a pretty bleak place. Most life would cease to exist…and I was trying to paint the ruins of the universe, or what would be left when everything was gone. I was trying out this new watercolour technique, for it to be abstract enough that it was up for interpretation but also concrete enough that…people felt despair when they looked at it.”

“That’s…depressing.” He blinked. You laughed, “I guess. You inspired me, I suppose.”

“Well, it seems like that painting would have been really beautiful. I’m sorry you lost it, but…I don’t understand why you threw the others away. I thought…you liked keeping all your old paintings, and holding onto those memories…”

For some reason you found yourself being so truthful with him, digging deep into your psyche to how you felt, “Man, I don’t know…everything in my life kind of feels stupid and meaningless right now. I wasted years of my life trying to get into that apprenticeship, only to basically be kicked out one semester in… it’s funny. And now I’m sitting in my apartment in my dream city with nothing to do. I guess holding onto things just feels stupid now. There’s no point. I don’t even feel like painting anymore.”

“You… shouldn’t feel that way, Y/N.” He suddenly sounded so sad, looking at you. You couldn’t find it in yourself to be sad anymore, you’d already lost everything. You shrugged, “It’s fine honestly… I’m sure I’ll eventually find some new dream to die over. I’m obsessive like that. I know there’s something out there…that’s meant for me. Probably.” The conversation seemed to have changed the mind though so you apologised, “Sorry for killing the mood.”

“You didn’t.” He responded instantly, and there was a deep emotion in his eyes that you couldn’t place. You’d seen glimpses of it before, in moments when he’d kissed you, when you’d talk to him back in Daejon, but you’d never seen it like this. It was ever-present now, and prominent, like he wasn’t trying to hide it anymore. Your eyes traveled over his face, and he was gazing at you in a way that made you want to curl up into yourself. It was too much.  

You bit into the croissant, aware of the messy chocolate on your lips, and glanced in the window hoping to catch a bit of your reflection. You wanted to make sure you looked fine, especially sitting across someone who looked perfect, croissant crumbs on his lips. No wonder his face was in every shop here. You were seriously sitting across Hyunjin on a rooftop cafe in Seoul, for real. It felt like a dream. This wasn’t a date. Yet everything about it felt like one. It was hard to wrap your head around this reality. Hyunjin was draped in sunset light and casually sipped his coffee, looking at you like that — like he was simultaneously trying to figure you out, and like you also held all the answers to the universe.The sky was a beautiful hue of pink and orange, casting a bright glow over the entire top floor. He looked out the window, and you observed him, and then he swiftly reached into his little book bag, taking out a camera. He must want to capture the beauty of the sunset, but instead he surprised you, “Can I please take a picture of you?”

You stiffened up, “Right now..?”

“Yeah.” He nodded, pushing his sunglasses up so he could look through the camera viewfinder. You glanced at your reflection again, and you looked fine but your lipgloss was smudged. You felt conscious, “Do you mind if I fix my lip—”

“No” He immediately interrupted, sitting up, “I mean… Don’t fix it, please. I like it the way it is.”

You frowned, “But it’s all messy…”

“I know.” 

His gaze pierced yours, sending shivers down your spine. And hell, you were supposed to be mad at him for a million things but you don’t think anybody had ever made you feel this beautiful before and he hadn’t even said anything. It was just the way he looked at you, the depth of his gaze, the intensity in his expression and his eagerness to capture you like this.

“Oh…okay” You nodded, and his lips spread into a satisfied smile. He lift the camera up, snapping a few and you didn’t know what to do with yourself. You wish you were capturing the way Hyunjin looked at you instead. You could be a hundred years old and never get tired of that expression. His smile had given way to concentration, and he continued taking pictures of you. You wonder if you would ever get used to how he made you feel. 

You think all of this had to mean something. You weren’t stupid. He’d been flirting with you the entire day, and you hadn’t stopped him, or questioned it. After all, his way of talking didn’t feel like anything new. It was just how he used to be with you. Every compliment spoken so… easily and tenderly. After being away from his adoration for months, it felt like being plunged into an ice-cold bath. He had no qualms about being too direct or straightforward. He wasn’t sugarcoating anything. Had he finally given up on the charade of not wanting you in his life? Because right now, you were very much in his life. He put the camera down as if he’d heard your private thoughts, “Thank you for today. I was worried before that I had somehow ruined everything…” He paused, as if he was struggling with his thoughts, “With you. I know I dug myself into that hole…but…it feels good to be here with you. Feels like nothing changed since summer.”

Your heart constricted at those words, making you feel uneasy, but you smiled, because he seemed so happy in the moment. Except you didn’t want it to be like summer anymore though. Summer was beautiful, but it wasn’t enough. You desired and wanted more. You needed more of him with you, on you, in you, and now…after everything that had happened, after today, you somehow felt brave enough to not shy away from it.

»»————-

Your little evening with Hyunjin had already ruined you. You’d been home for just a few hours, and you’d already started reliving the events in your mind. You hadn’t even taken off the jacket he bought you, even though it would get crumpled the longer you wore it. You tried to distract yourself by cooking dinner so the scent of food could fill your apartment instead, but it still couldn’t rival the lingering fragrance of his cologne that clung to the jacket draped over your chair. 

Only an hour had passed and you gave up trying to distract yourself and sat on your bed, staring at the ceiling. You knew you shouldn’t be thinking about him, and you should probably try to protect your heart. You knew you should probably take off this jacket that cost hundreds. You’d worked so hard to try to move on but now that he was fighting to be in your life, it was like all your efforts had been for nothing. You ended up pulling up his videos, watching all of his performances from years and years ago, seeing the way he grew over time into the performer he was. All of the comments were in love with him. Millions, just like you, watching him in their bedrooms. You knew for sure, that you couldn’t let things go back to what they were: just fleeting moments of passion, and waiting on the edge of your seat for the next kiss. You knew now, that you needed something real from him.  You’d changed and pretending that your feelings hadn’t deepened in his absence would only be a useless task. 

»»————-

There was a voicemail in your inbox from Kairi. It had been a few days since you’d gone out with Hyunjin, and he’d unwittingly inspired you to step the fuck out of your apartment. You’d been walking through the market, browsing the collections of knick-knacks and shops, trying to find something Felix and Minho would really like. You wanted to mail stuff home that reminded you of them. You pressed your phone to your ear, trying to hear Kairi’s voicemail over the noise of the streets. She started out saying, “Hey, Y/N. I tried calling you, but I think you were busy so I just thought I’d leave you a message, and you can get back to me whenever. I know a lot is going on with you, and I haven’t exactly been the best friend I could have. I’m sorry, I guess I was still trying to readjust to having Chris back in my life.”

The electronics store you stepped into was huge, spanning almost five different floors, featuring tech that you hadn’t even heard of. The aisles were full of inventions and gadgets that Daejon could only even dream of. Kairi’s voicemail continued, “So what I was getting at is that there’s a…dinner party at my apartment. It’s…sort of an annual thing, I do it every year. My parents used to host them, but I've been doing them ever since they moved out. It’s fancy for no reason at all, but I love doing it because it’s a tradition? It’s not a lot of people, usually just me, the boys, and some of Chan’s friends. I’m going to make a six-course meal, and that sounds crazy. I guess it is, but I like doing it. Anyway, I guess this is just a long-winded way of me saying that…I would really like if you were there.”

You stopped in the middle of the aisle, listening to her continue, “I know that probably sounds like a lot for you, and… I’ve had these parties each year and I never really invite anybody, because it’s just…a really small gathering. The boys have been overworked too, so this would be perfect for them. I completely understand if you don’t want to come, but please consider it. I really want you there, and…you can bring Nate. I know that might put you at ease. Just think about it and let me know.”

Despite how warm her invitation made you feel, it was this Saturday. The same night you were going out with Nate. You had already long promised him you’d be his plus-one to the wedding reception. He was your friend and you couldn’t bail on him, no matter how much you craved to see Hyunjin and Kairi, and the others. Meeting him would just have to wait.

»»————-

Jeonghan’s arm fit perfectly on your waist, and he was all smiles as he introduced you to the rest of his family. Surprisingly, you weren’t nervous about tonight at all. His presence brought you ease. You’d bought a new dress, the color of cherries, a bow decorating the back, hoping it would match the vibe of everybody else at the reception. It made you feel confident enough to tackle tonight. It was a cold night, and the dress fell to your thighs, but nobody else seemed to care about the weather as they danced in strappy tops, and short skirts. Jeonghan, on the other hand, made you feel confident too. He’d proudly introduced you to everyone, and for a while there, it almost felt like you were going out together. He leaned into your ear, breath warm on your neck, “So, how are we feeling?”

You spoke through a smile, watching the guests on the dance floor, “Well. I’ve certainly never been to a wedding reception this fancy…people here really spend money on everything.”

He shook his head, “Nope. They just like to show that they can.” You glanced at him, “You know you are talking about your own family, right?” You had known Jeonghan was well-off, but truthfully, you never knew he was this wealthy. The wedding reception had been grand, and ice sculptures decorated each table setting. It was all a bit much, you could appreciate the grandeur though. He rolled his eyes, “Mum and dad have been planning this day their whole lives. I’m surprised they didn’t fly us all out to an island in the Bahamas.”

“Well, I would’ve loved to be your plus-one for that.” You laughed. He shrugged, “Who knows? Maybe for my wedding."

It was a beautiful location anyway, even if it wasn’t the Bahamas. An outdoor garden setting, hundreds of twinkling lights lit up the trees, and a dance floor where all the guests were letting loose, clearly very tipsy. You looked up at the canopy of trees, which were decorated with lush wildflowers, “Those alone must have cost you millions of won.”

“Much like your company tonight” He mumbled. You laughed, looking at him, “Whatever do you mean?”

He turned to face you, both hands grabbing you by the waist, “You know I really thought you’d ditch me tonight. Don’t you have your friend’s dinner party tonight?”

“Well…you asked me first. I made you a promise. I happen to be a good friend.”

Jeonghan smiled prettily, and he looked handsome today in the tuxedo, his hair swept back. He pulled you closer, hands on your bare back, “Thank you. Tonight would have sucked without you.”

“It’s your sister’s wedding. That’s not very nice to say” You frowned, teasing him. He chuckled, “Precisely. It’s her wedding, and I had no say on the guest list. You’re the only one I picked to be here tonight.”

You smiled, uncaring of the fact that you were in a very public space with almost all his relatives watching your intimate exchange, “I’m honored to be there for you.”

His eyes drifted over you, cheeks darkening, “You really do look pretty tonight. The other guy is definitely missing out.”

You rolled your eyes, the mention of Hyunjin stinging you a little bit, but all the wine you’d consumed tonight made it more bearable. 

“Nate, honey, can you come here a second?” An older woman interrupted, stepping over to you. One of the guests, who he’d introduced to you as his aunt, smiled at the two of you, “I’m sorry to interrupt. I need your help with something, sweetie.”

Unwillingly, Jeonghan let go of you, fingers brushing the bow on your back as he did. “I’ll be back in a minute, I promise.” He spoke. You laughed, “Don’t worry. Take your time.”

He leaned in, pressing a cheek to your kiss before following his aunt through the crowd. You smiled as he left whilst complaining about whatever task she put him up to. Being here with Jeonghan felt intimate, but it was never uncomfortable. You felt relaxed around him and his family, and he never pushed your boundaries. The reception had also been beautiful, and even though you didn’t know the wedding couple, the hopeless romantic in you craved for the kind of love they held. They’d been high school sweethearts, and the idea of that itself felt crazy to you. How must it feel to be so sure of your choice, and to have been in love for so long? You held your purse tightly, watching the couples on the dance floor. It was sweet. It was only ten minutes until Jeonghan was running back to you, “I’m sorry that took me so long. She wanted me to take pictures of her. Again!”

You laughed, “She must think you’re a real good photographer.” He rolled his eyes, “She just wants a new Facebook profile picture. I think I need more tequila.”

“That doesn’t sound like a smart idea.” You mumbled. He tugged at your hand, pulling you to the open bar, “Just one more wouldn’t hurt.”

You gave in since this was his party after all and you were only a guest, letting him lead you as he ordered you both a round of shots. He leaned against the bar, rolling his sleeves up and admittedly that made him look hot. You glanced at your phone, noticing a few messages from Kairi. You don’t know why you expected a text from Hyunjin, but in your hurry, you’d stupidly left your other phone at home. The one he bought you, where he’d text and call you. After all, keeping track of two phones was hard.

After a quick round of shots, you settled on the bar stools, watching all his drunk relatives, laughing about the stories he told you about them. The hours passed, and you were both tipsy, sitting so close at the bar. You could have easily kissed him. But you couldn’t stop thinking about Hyunjin. It’s like Jeonghan knew that too. He was holding your face, thumb brushing against your mouth as he mumbled in a drunk-haze, “You know what I think?"

"Hmm?"

"I think you should really get to that dinner, Y/N. I’ll be fine here.”

“I can’t leave you alone. I promised you.” You spoke. He laughed, “And I’m glad you came, but…wouldn’t your friend feel bad if you don’t show up?”

“She knows I have…prior obligations. They wouldn’t miss me.” You frowned, and suddenly the anxiety was back in your stomach. You were a little tired, and the thought of showing up at the dinner, where Hyunjin would definitely be, paralyzed you. Yet you also told Kairi you’d try your best to make it, even if only for a little while to grab dessert and you had to be a good friend to her too. Jeonghan nodded, “Just show up for her. I’m sure she would want you there. Plus, you look…really hot tonight. It’d be a waste to only wear that dress in front of my traditional old relatives. I’ll call you a taxi, okay?”

He was right. The formalities of the reception was over and now it was probably just going to be a never-ending party until dawn. It would be nice to see Kairi and the others tonight, even if you weren’t mentally prepared for it at all. You hadn’t thought you’d get a chance to get there at all. You cracked a smile at his consideration, looking up at him, “I guess I should get going now, if I want to make it in time for dessert. Only because you’re forcing me.”

Jeonghan nodded, helping you jump off the bar stool, and you looked back at the reception party. Everybody was having so much fun, you wish you could stay the entire night. You let Jeonghan lead you to the street, where the taxi waited for you. He thanked you for showing up and kissed you a short goodbye. When you sat in the taxi, you sent Kairi a simple text that you were on your way, and you hope that you were still welcome there.

»»————-

Of course things weren't going to go your way. The cab driver dropped you off on the wrong street, and after a long struggle in your kitten-heels you finally made it to Kairi’s doorstep. The cold had definitely sobered you up a bit, bringing back your nervousness about being here, but Kairi had clearly felt comfortable enough to have you over so you’d suck it up. Her place was inside a lavish apartment complex, and you rang the doorbell, waiting impatiently. Your stomach was already twisting at the prospect of meeting everyone, and at seeing him again. It was Chan who answered the door, and for a second it felt like you had no idea what to say, until he grinned, “You’re here!” He stepped forward and pulled you into a half-hug, on his doorstep. You were taken aback, definitely not expecting the physical contact. After all this was only your second time meeting him, but you bought your arm up, hugging him back briefly. His hair was curly, and he smelled nice. It was all you registered before he stepped back, inviting you in. 

“I’m sorry I’m so late. I was at a wedding…” You began to explain, and he shook his head, curls bouncing, “Don’t apologise! Kairi told me you had plans already so no hard feelings. We’re just glad you could make it in time…let me take your coat.”

He grabbed it from you, hooking it on a coat hanger as you looked around. It was a decently sized place, far bigger than your apartment. A set of stairs led to another floor. Dinner must have been really good, because you could still smell the aromas. Chan said, “And…I’ve been wanting to say this for a while, but sorry for my behaviour the last time we met, at Kairi’s birthday. I was really drunk and emotional, I’m not usually like that.”

“No, you were just really fucking desperate.” Kairi’s voice interrupted, and she ran over to you, pulling you into a tight hug. Relief surged through you at seeing her here. She looked beautiful, in a midnight blue corset, and high-waisted black pants to match and you smiled at her, “You look so good. Thank you for having me over. ”

“Me?” She laughed, raising an eyebrow, “Look at you. You’re all dolled up, like a fairy.”

“I’m really sorry I missed dinner. It smells amazing.” You frowned. She sighed dramatically, “I missed you to death, but I’ll live. This just means we need to do another one of these soon. Come on, everybody’s in there!”

Before you could mentally prepare, she’d pulled you into another room, Chan following behind. You tried to register everything. It was a cosy living room, ambient purple and orange lighting cast over everything. A popular pop song was playing at a low volume in the background. There was a lot of seating, a couch, and a bunch of unique, colourful chairs surrounded the coffee table. There seemed to be a lot of people in the room, and maybe that last round of shots had been a bad idea as you tried to register all of their faces. They were all busy in conversation, wine glasses in hand, not having noticed you yet, and you hoped it stayed like so. That way, you could just slip into conversation with no embarrassing announcement of your arrival. This was the first time you’d be meeting the band. There were two other people here that you didn’t recognise. They were both dressed casually, in cargo pants and a white beanie, and you felt a bit overdressed. “They’re some of Chan’s friends, and they work with the band. That’s Hanbin and that’s Sunmi.” Kairi leaned in to whisper. Somebody in the corner was playing the piano, a beautiful low melody, and Kairi tapped him on the shoulder, saying, “Hey. She’s here.”

Immediately, he stopped playing. Jisung — the one on the piano — burst into a smile and stood up, “Shit. You’re actually like, here!” He pulled you into a hug, just like Chan had, and they must all be touchy or very drunk. As he stepped back, he continued smiling, extending a hand, “Han Jisung, by the way.”

“We’ve met before…kind of.” You said, meeting his hand with yours. Realisation sank into his face, and all his expressions were exaggerated as he nodded, “Right, right, we have. In the company building when I dropped all your coins at the vending machine…I was an idiot.”

“When are you not?” Somebody joined you, slinging a strong arm around Jisung. You recognized him from the pictures, “Hey, Y/N…You must know who I am, right?” Changbin had a coy smile on his face, dressed in a navy button-up that only he could probably make look this good. You smiled at him, “Yeah, I do. It’s nice to meet you in person.”

He smiled, gesturing to someone, “I don’t think you’ve met Hanbin.” At those words, the boy you didn’t know stood from the couch, and you regretted pulling them out of their comfortable conversation circle, “Oh, you don’t need to get up for me.”

In the midst of the chaos and onslaught of introductions, your eyes finally found Hyunjin. He was standing by the couch, a drink in his hand, at the far end of the room, laughing about something with a girl — who was probably Sunmi. Your stomach jumped, goosebumps rippling up your entire body. He looked absolutely fucking insane. In a good way, in the best way. His hair was tied up into a low ponytail, but strands of hair fell into his face, framing it perfectly. The purple light cast rhythmic shadows on his face. He stood in a black sweater, and tight denim-wash jeans, one hand tucked into his pocket. He was only standing in a living room, but he could just as easily have been posing for a Vogue photoshoot, by his perfect stance. He hadn’t realized you were here yet, or maybe he was pretending to not notice. You didn’t have time to think about it before Hanbin stepped ahead, blocking him from your view, “Kairi would not stop talking about you the past three hours.”

You flushed, “Oh… I wish I could have been here for the entire dinner. Knowing her, it must have been great.”

“We did save you some.” Chan added. You murmured a thank you, feeling dizzy from all the attention. They were almost all talking over each other, and you were already so overwhelmed. Jisung gestured to you, “Grab a drink and sit with me.”

“No, let her eat first. Baby, you mind heating up the leftovers for Y/N?” Kairi asked Chan. You shook your head, “Please, there’s no need for that. I don’t want to be an inconvenience.”

Kairi rolled her eyes, “Girl, you’re my guest of honor.” Chan smiled at you, “You can follow me.” 

So, you went with him into the hallway, passing by a doorway. A door was left ajar, a glimpse into a room. It was only half a second, but you saw a wooden bed frame and a sliver of a wall of art, “Is that Kairi’s room?”

Chan shook his head, “It used to be, but she made it into a guest bedroom. Hyunjin mostly sleeps in there now. Come on. The kitchen’s through here.” He said, his strong voice guiding you through the corridor. “Right, sorry,” you said, turning away from the door and following him to the kitchen. The kitchen was big too, and set up beautifully, with marble countertops and a small kitchen island. Chan reached into the sink, rummaging through some dirty dishes, “Sorry. We’ve been meaning to run the dishwasher. Kairi kind of goes crazy at these dinners.”

You leaned against the counter, “That’s fine. No judgement.”

“Thank you.” He laughed, looking over his shoulder at you, “We’re usually much more organized than this, I promise.”

“You have a lot on your plate already, Chan. I completely understand.” You told him, with a smile. He laughed, “You’re sweet. I’m just heating up some of the chicken and fondant potatoes for you. That good?”

“Could I actually have some water? If… that’s okay” You asked. He smiled, “Of course it is. Make yourself at home. There are some clean mugs in the cabinet. You can just grab one and help yourself.” You walked around the island, opening up the cabinet. Mugs of different shapes and sizes were arranged precisely in there, and Kairi’s unique taste was definitely recognisable. A cerulean blue mug made of porcelain rested in the very back. You rather get a mug they sparsely used, so you reached for it, pulling it out. Pushing it under the tap, you began filling it with water. Chan glanced at you and your selection, “Oh. That’s Hyunjin’s favorite.”

You stilled, “Oh. Sorry. Should I pick another?”

Of course it fucking was. Why did you have to pick that one amongst all of them? “No, no, go ahead. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.” Chan smiled, pushing a button to start the dishwasher and then crossed his arms towards you, “I’ll just go see if the guys need any more drinks.”

“Sure.” You responded, taking a slow sip from the mug, and the knowledge that it was his favourite mug made you feel jittery. Doing all those shots before coming to see Hyunjin had been a terrible idea. You grabbed your water and held it tight, returning to the living room, where you could hear loud laughter from. They were all back in conversation, and Changbin was imitating a silly dance, making Hyunjin laugh. You stood under the archway, watching them. A few seconds went by, and Hyunjin was still laughing, crinkled eyes, and he reached up to tuck his hair back absentmindedly, and that’s when he saw you.

You don’t know what you were expecting. He stilled, eyes widening, trailing off in the middle of his conversation. He really hadn’t known you had arrived. His lips formed a small smile, and that was so fucking attractive, and from across the room, he mouthed, “Hey.”

The tension within you dissipated. You had to fight your smile, feeling lovestruck and lovesick by a smile word. All he said was hi. Then why did your knees already feel weak? Why did it feel like the first time you had seen him, unable to comprehend anything except his absolutely, insane beauty? You shot him a soft smile, mouthing back, “Hey.”

He sidestepped his friends, walking over to you, and you felt shy under his intense gaze. His stance was casual and so confident, and in another universe you could imagine meeting him at a college party like this. “You came.” He spoke, and you tilt your head up to look him in the eyes, “Yeah. I did.”

His eyes fell to the mug in your hands, and you realised there was a lipstick stain on it. Your lipstick stain. On his stuff. You apologised, “Um, sorry, Chan said I can—”

“Don’t worry” He interrupted too quick, eyes flickering over your form, “How are you?”

You’d already decided this was your time to be brave, and you weren’t going to hold back tonight, “I’m okay. I’ve been wanting to reach out to you and I—” 

“So, what took you so long tonight?” Hanbin asked, stepping up to the two of you. You glanced at him, wishing he hadn’t interrupted you but he was being polite so you spoke, “Oh, I was at a wedding reception. I promised my friend I’d be his date.”

“Ahh. That’s why you’re dressed up so pretty. Was it a good reception?” He asked. You smiled at his compliment, “Yeah. I…had a great time actually. It was definitely a fancy event.”

“Can I see the pictures? Please tell me you took some!” Kairi asked, overhearing the conversation. She was perched on Chan’s lap, and you shot Hyunjin an apologetic smile, you’d just have to speak to him later and you handed your phone over to her, “Yeah, actually I did. Jeonghan is kind of obsessed with taking pictures, so we took a lot.”

She scrolled through your gallery, and Jisung leaned in over her shoulder, catching a glimpse of the pictures too, “Wow. That shit looks…expensive.Your friend’s loaded.”

You laughed, “I guess his family is pretty rich.”

“He took a lot of pictures of just you.” Kairi teased, scrolling through, “I mean, I don’t blame him. You look like you stepped out of a fairytale.”

“Um. You should have seen the bride.” You laughed. Jisung was still nosily peeking into your phone, “So, who’s Jeonghan?”

“He’s a…friend.” You explained, while Chan handed you a drink. It seemed like one of his famous cocktails Hyunjin had told you about, but nothing could beat the drink he had made you on his last night in Daejon. Despite how much you wanted to try this, you really didn’t want to be drunk tonight, “Um…I shouldn’t. I already drank more than I should have tonight.”

“I mean, objectively, the best thing about weddings is the open bars,” Changbin pointed out. You laughed, “You’re right and Jeonghan used that same excuse to force me through five rounds of tequila.”

Jisung’s eyes widened, “You’re fucking kidding me. You must have a high tolerance if you’re so sober after five shots.”

“I think the walk in the cold definitely contributed to that” You joked, and then explained due to his perplexed look, “I must have put in the wrong location because the cab driver dropped me off a few blocks away.”

“In those shoes? I would have given up.” Changbin asked.

“So you took a cab alone?” Hyunjin suddenly asked. Your gaze darted to him, surprised he’d spoken up and you hadn’t realised how much you’d insanely missed his delicate voice. You nodded, “Um, yeah.”

“Your… friend sent you here in a cab when you were drunk and by yourself?”

“I mean…yeah. It wasn’t a big deal.”

“Nate couldn’t have dropped you here?” He asked. You frowned, “It’s not like I was gonna ask him to bring me here, it was his family’s party.” His eyebrows shot up, “Isn’t he rich? I’m sure he could have figured out a way.”

“These pictures are beautiful,” Kairi spoke, cutting the tension in the room as she handed you your phone back. You were staring at Hyunjin, and at his misplaced concern. Changbin had also clearly picked up on it, because he nudged him in the stomach, “If you were so worried about her, you should have offered to pick her up.”

Hyunjin took a sip of his drink, nonchalant face, “I did.”

Your eyes widened. When did he offer that? You showed your honest surprise, “I… didn’t know.”

The room was quiet, and Jisung chuckled, “Must be the first girl in history to ignore your texts, Jinnie”. 

The others laughed, but Hyunjin genuinely looked hurt that you hadn’t taken him up on his offer. In all truth, you never saw that text. If you did, you would have said yes. You’d forgotten the phone he gave you at your bedside table, and you couldn’t be blamed for not being able to keep track of it when so much was going on. You shook your head, “No, I just…had a lot on my mind, I was with Jeonghan the whole day, I must have missed it.”

Your response satisfied the room, but seemed to be the wrong answer for Hyunjin by the slight hurt in his eyes that only you noticed. It sucked because the last thing you wanted to do was make him feel like that tonight.

“So how do you know Kairi?” Hanbin asked, smiling attentively at you. You couldn’t focus, hoping Hyunjin wasn’t genuinely hurt and spoke, “Oh…it was just a coincidence. I met her in a bar.” Kairi nodded along, “And she offered to give me her jacket! Some fucking loser had thrown his drink on me.”

Hanbin laughed, adjusting his beanie, “I see. I see...So I take it you’re not a fan then?”

“Sorry?”

“You ain’t heard these guys’ music before?” He gestured towards the boys. You nodded, realising he was asking if you liked the band “Oh, some of it, yeah.”

“Oh, you’re hurting my feelings, Y/N.” Changbin pouted. Sunmi rolled her eyes, “No, it’s a breath of fresh air to see you not fawning over them. I like you already.”

Oh, if only she knew how much you did obsess over one of them. She would be concerned for you, if she could read your mind around him. You forced a smile, “I just honestly… hadn’t heard of it until a few months ago.”

Her eyes widened, “You’re kidding. How do you live in Seoul and not hear of them?” Then Chan leaned forward, adding to explain to you, “Sunmi’s one of our producers, by the way. She’s been with us since our second album. One of the best.”

“And Y/N isn’t a local.” Kairi added, “She moved here a while ago.”

“Yeah the music scene back home is….not the biggest.” You said briefly, not wanting to talk about yourself too much. You had been hoping to blend in, not be the centre of attention tonight and Sunmi asked, “And where is… back home?”

“Okay! A pause on the questions. I need Y/N for something.” Kairi interrupted, coming over to you and leaned in to whisper, “Wanna come with me to the kitchen? I’m getting another drink.”

You nodded, relieved she could pick up on your body language. As soon as you were out of earshot of the living room, she mumbled, “I’m sorry. They ask you a lot of questions. I don’t want you to feel like you’re being interrogated.”

“No, I don’t mind, I’m just kind of tired and feel like I may not be at my best social energy right now.” You apologised, leaning against the counter, as she made a cocktail for herself. Her eyes wandered over you, “You really do look beautiful. I love the glitter eyeshadow.”

“You like my bow?” You smiled, twirling to show her. She laughed, “It’s the cherry on top. So, how was it tonight with Nate? As far as I remember…. he has the biggest crush on you, or he’s just a very sincere… fuckboy.”

“Regardless…I had a really good time with him.” You said, running your finger along the marble slab. You could hear Jisung and Changbin’s loud laughter from the other room. They seemed like a lot of fun, and you definitely wanted to relax for the rest of the night. You wanted them to like you too, so perhaps you could do with a little liquid courage. As if she read your mind, Kairi finished mixing her drink then tilt her head, “You suuure you don’t want one?”

But every other time you’d gotten tipsy around Hyunjin, you’d ended up doing something stupid. “No, I…think I’ll stick with water.” You decided. She let out a sigh, taking a sip of her vodka, “Did you two kiss tonight?”

“Me and Jeonghan…?” You were surprised at the question. She hummed, “Yeah, sorry if that was weird to ask. I just know…things between you and Hyunjin…aren’t the best.”

“Did you hear us? The other night in the car?” You ended up asking, even though it was embarrassing for you to bring up that argument. She looked up at you, “Bits and pieces.”

“And what’d you think?” You bit your lip. She sighed, “I think you both…have a lot of pent-up feelings. It’s good you got them out.”

“It felt…immature to fight him. I’m sorry you had to see me like that. I’m usually not…that vocal”

“There was nothing wrong with what you said. I mean, trust me, I’ve had a hell of a lot more aggressive fights with Chris. We end up saying a lot of stuff we don’t mean.”

“Well, that’s the thing. I meant everything. I don’t really regret any of it.”

“Then he needed to hear that.” Kairi agreed, “I didn’t know he cut you off like that completely. I would have been devastated if I was you. I’d say you handled it pretty well… Hyunjin doesn’t really talk to me about you, and I wish I could be more helpful. How do you feel now?”

You shrugged, “I don’t know if I mentioned it to you, but he took me shopping last week… I don’t know how I feel about it. It felt a lot like a date, but it wasn’t. I just…wish I had some surety from him, you know?”

Her hand landed on yours comfortingly, “Well, you don’t have to decide right now. I’m just glad you chose to come tonight.”

“Are you girls gonna spend the entire night gossiping without us?” Jisung interrupted. You turned and saw him in the kitchen doorway, arms crossed. You hope he didn’t overhear anything. Kairi laughed, “What do you need?”

Jisung grinned widely, “Well, actually. I was gonna go get ice from the fridge upstairs, if any of you want to accompany me for that? Make you feel helpful.”

“I could come with.” You offered, smiling at him. He did a small fist pump, “Exactly the outcome I was hoping for. No offence, Kair”

As you followed him up the stairs to the storage room, he reminded you, “Be careful, your heels. I’ve fallen face-first on these steps more times than I’d admit.” 

Your heart warmed at his concern, and you grabbed the bannister to keep your balance.“Cool place though, right?” He asked, looking back at you as you observed the framed pictures on the wall and he continued, “Me and the boys used to spend a lot of our weekends here.”

“Oh? That must have been nice….” You walked into a storage room, of sorts. A mini-fridge stood in the corner and Jisung pulled it open, grabbing the ice box as he looked back at you, “Yeah. Kairi got so sick of having us over, she ended up turning her study into another guest room.”

“Of course she did.” You laughed, “Do you still come here often?”

He shook his head, reaching for more ice, “After Chan and Kairi broke up, we obviously stopped for a while, but… I’m hoping to get back to normal. Couldn’t be more thrilled that they’re back together.”

“Me too. They seem pretty…perfect for each other.” You smiled. He stood up straight, his ribbed top riding up, and you looked away. All of them were so attractive it was hard to comprehend such a pretty friend group existed. He grinned at you, “I should thank you for that.”

“Me? I… didn’t do anything” 

“Do you mind holding this?” He handed you the ice box momentarily, “Well, Hyunjin told me that you helped them meet up at her birthday.”

“Oh. Right.” You nodded, gripping it within your hands and it was freezing, condensation making it slip in your palms, “I…guess I did.” You had the urge to ask him what else he talked about with him, but this was your first time meeting Jisung, and that would be weird to ask. “Sure sounded like a fun party. Hyunjin told me you organise those a lot.” Jisung continued, taking back the ice box from you, “And tell me about it downstairs. I would love to talk to you in this storage room all night, but… let’s get this ice to them before all of it melts, and before Changbin threatens to kill me again.”

Back in the living room, the music seemed louder when you returned, and Hyunjin was engaged in an intense conversation with Sunmi and Changbin. Kairi was showing Chan something on her phone. You settled on a seat, and Jisung naturally pulled up a chair to be closer to you. He clinked his drink with yours, before he took a big mouthful, cheeks full of the liquid before swallowing. “So…what was I saying?” Jisung asked, dropping his voice so only you could hear him. You took a sip of your water, already feeling more at ease around him, “About how I’m a really great party planner.”

He smiled, “Right. That. Have you ever thought of doing that professionally?”

You laughed, “Honestly, I don’t know what Hyunjin was talking about. I’ve only organised two parties in my life…my best friend's and Kairi’s…they both ended in a disaster.”

“You’re too hard on yourself, I’m sure.” Jisung rolled his eyes, “So… he also happened to mention you’re real good at art. Can I see some of it or are you going to be shrouded in mystery forever?”

You giggled, reaching for your phone, “There is absolutely nothing mysterious about that, Jisung. You can see it, but… it’s not the best.”

He peeked into your phone gallery as you showed him a few paintings you’d made over the past few years, and Jisung probably wasn’t interested in art, but he still smiled, reacting overtly to each of them and even pointing out which ones he liked. He reminded you a lot of Yeonjun in that sense, where he took interest in something just because of his friends. He was playful, and it was nice to see the physical manifestation of all the stories Hyunjin told you about. You glanced up and Hyunjin was looking at you, probably curious about why you and Jisung were peeking into your phone, so you explained, “I was just showing him some of my paintings.”

He nodded, making brief eye contact with Jisung before he said, “Ah. I’m uh…going to check on the dessert.”

“Do you want my help?” You asked, already moving to stand up. He shook his head, “No, don’t worry. I wouldn’t wanna pull you away from the conversation.”

Disappointed, you settled back down, and Jisung spoke, “Can I ask you something, honestly though?”

“Yeah?”

“Why’d you leave your fancy wedding date to come here?”

“I…promised Kairi I’d try to make it here.” You replied, staring at the liquid in your glass. Jisung hummed, “Right, right. I see.” You were glad he didn’t push you further, seeing as how he was Hyunjin’s best friend and any answer you could come up with would be embarrassing. Before you could say anything further anyway, Changbin started talking about an incident on their trip to Japan, and you let yourself be swept up into the conversation. He was a great storyteller, and so charismatic. It wasn’t too hard to imagine why they were so famous. You’d only been here an hour or so, and you could listen to them talk for hours. Almost mesmerised by their dynamic, you watched the boys talk, losing track of time… and of how long Hyunjin had been gone. Your mug lay empty on the coffee table, and you stood up to refill it, when Changbin asked, “Where the fuck is Jinnie?”

“Probably hyper-fixating in the kitchen. Y/N, do you think you could call him out?” Jisung replied, looking at you expectantly. You blanked, feeling taken aback by the question. Kairi noticed, moving to stand, “Um, I can get—”

“No, that’s fine.” You spoke. You were braver than that and it would finally give you the chance to talk to him by yourself, “I can just get him.”

“Okay…” She settled back down, shooting you a comforting smile. You walked over to the kitchen, and your heels were so loud on the tiled floor that he’d definitely hear you coming. The door was closed, and you knocked lightly, not wanting to interrupt him. 

“Come in.” His voice carried to you. You pushed the door open, eyes falling on him. He was leaning against the counter, drinking from his glass, staring into nothing. Well. He was staring at the oven, but why was he alone in here? He looked over his shoulder, eyes flickering over your form, “Oh. Hey.”

You stood awkwardly by the door, hand holding it open, “Hi. Um. The guys were…asking for you. I thought you were getting dessert.” He looked around, at the mess of things, “I was. It’s still not ready, so I decided to wait for it. You can let them know I’ll be there soon.”

“Oh.” You spoke, wondering if you should leave… but you were curious, “You’ve been in here by yourself for really long.”

“Yeah. Just wanted to be by myself for a bit.”

A tinge of hurt hit you, “Oh…do you want me to leave?”

He let out a sigh, putting his glass on the counter, and turned to face you, “No…you don’t have to do that.”

“But…you just said you want to be by yourself.”

“Yeah.” He glanced at you, amused look on his face, “That…obviously doesn’t include you.”

You’d been standing on the threshold the entire time, but at those words, you stepped in, letting the door shut behind you. You looked around the little kitchen, “Sorry I used your mug.”

He chuckled, running a hand through his hair, “That’s fine. I’m surprised you ended up picking mine. Guess we like the same things.”

“You could say that.” You breathed, hands behind your back. His gaze felt so strong on you, and it was so quiet in here compared to the chaos of the outside. He smiled lightly, when you asked him, “So…what dessert are we having tonight?” 

He glanced at the oven, “A…strawberry tart. You like those?”

You thought about it, “I don’t know. I haven’t had one since I was a kid anyway.”

Hyunjin put his hands on the counter, tilting his head, “Really? Felix never baked one for you?”

“He was kind of obsessed with chocolate…I had too much of that.” You recalled. Hyunjin smiled, nodding, “Right. I remember trying out the treats he made us…when we went to the Creek for the swim.”

“Wow…that feels like it was ages ago.” You remembered. Hyunjin nodded, “It was. I guess. Feels like a lifetime ago.”

“Do you miss it?” You ended up asking. His expression softened, “I…do. Your friends were fun to hang out with.”

“Aren’t they your friends too?” You laughed. He shrugged cutely, “Right, but I don’t think I would’ve talked to anybody in town if it wasn’t for you.”

You smiled, “I think you’re giving me too much credit. That was all Hana. She’s the one who…introduced you to us.”

“You miss them? Your friends?” He asked. You sighed, leaning against the door, crossing your arms to keep warm as you thought about it, “Yeah. Recently I’ve missing home so much and my friends, well at this point they’re…like my family. It sucks being separated from them. Kind of like…how you felt when you were away from the boys.”

“I’m sorry if I forced you to stay.” He suddenly said, “I realize that…it may have been my emotionally clouded judgment, and I feel like… I guilted you into staying here. Maybe it was selfish of me.”

Your eyes narrowed, a realisation sinking in as to why he seemed a little distant, “Is that why you’re in here by yourself?”

He nodded, “Yeah. Just needed to take my mind off things. I guess honestly, I just…miss spending time with you, like we did back home. The other night, I was learning a new routine and realised you’ve never even seen me dance. Not in person, at least. I mean, isn’t that crazy? We’ve known each other so long, but there’s so much of me you don’t know. The thought freaked me out, and then…”

“And then?”

“Then I started thinking that it goes the other way too. There’s so much of you I still haven’t seen.” He said, “Like the other day, when you wore the jacket, I realised…I only know you in the summer. I haven’t seen you in winter."

Your heart squeezed at his confusing but thoughtful words, and you smiled, “I’m the same in all the seasons, Hyunjin.”

He was looking at you from across the room, “I don’t think that’s true.”

“Did you know I was coming here tonight?” 

He shook his head, “I didn’t think you would. Kairi told me you had a wedding date with Jeonghan…”

“Yeah, I did. He understands though…this was just as important.”

He nodded, “Right.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I would love to see you dance…if you feel comfortable.”

He looked at you at that, smiling slightly, before a short embarrassed laugh, “Yeah."

The oven let out a ding, interrupting whatever you might say. He smiled wide, and his demeanour already seemed lighter, “It’s done. Do you wanna do the honor?”

“Oh. Sure”. You stepped over to him,, and he pulled open the oven door. He was standing so close now that you could see the perspiration slide down his jaw, droplets cascading down neck, and he must have been nervous this whole time. You bent down to see into the oven, and it smelled amazing, but before you could grab the handle of the hot pan, you felt a firm grip on your arm stopping you, “Wait—”. 

Startled, you looked up at Hyunjin, his hand circling your wrist tightly, “What?”

His eyes searched yours, “It’s burning hot. Y/N. You’ll hurt yourself.”

You then realised you weren’t wearing any mitts, and you were just gonna grab the baking dish like so, with bare hands. How stupid. Your hair fell into your eyes, making it harder to see Hyunjin, but you mumbled a pathetic, “Oh.”

He reached out to tuck your hair behind your ear, then let out a chuckle, voice soft, “What were you thinking?” 

You swallowed, staring at his lips, “I wasn’t.”

He smiled, standing up tall, “I got this.”

Your face felt hot, and you were only a little mortified. Carefully, Hyunjin placed the baking dish on the kitchen counter, taking off his oven mitts; they were red and matched your dress. He nudged you, elbow against yours, “You wanna be the first one to try it? I’ll let you have an extra piece and if you end up liking it and want the whole thing, I can just tell the others I burnt the dish.”

You laughed, looking up at him, “You’d lie to your friends so I could have more pastry?”

A knock on the door pulled your attention to Chan. He peeked in, “Hey guys. Sorry, I don’t want to interrupt…but Hanbin’s leaving, so he wanted to say goodbye.”

“Oh. Of course” Hyunjin said, and you followed them out into the foyer, where Hanbin and Sumni stood in their winter coats already and everybody was gathered around them. Kairi was hugging them, when Hyunjin spoke, “You’re not staying for dessert? Come onn.”

Hanbin smiled apologetically, “Dude, it’s gonna snow again, and the traffic’s terrible. If we don’t leave now, we won’t make it home until morning.”

“Oh, you should still take some of the strawberry tart some with you” Kairi said, running back into the kitchen, “I have a few takeout containers.”

You looked at Sunmi, “You said traffic’s going to be bad?” She nodded, “Yeah, Seoul basically shuts down in bad weather. We don’t wanna risk it. It’ll only get worse, but …it was really nice meeting you tonight, Y/N.”

You glanced at Chan, realising they were probably right, and your stomach sank, “Oh. I guess I should probably get going too then.”

“What?” Jisung complained loudly, “You just got here.”

“We can drop you off.” Hanbin suggested, “Our car’s parked out front.”

Jisung let out a dramatic sigh. You didn’t really want to leave, you were just getting to warm up to Hyunjin, but you didn’t have a choice. If you didn’t leave, you could be stuck until tomorrow. You reached for your coat, “That sounds good Hanbin, as long as it’s not an inconvenience.”

Kairi walked back in with takeout boxes in hand, and her eyes narrowed, “What’s going on? Y/N’s leaving too?”

You slipped your coat on, tossing your hair out of it, “They said they could take me home. The snow’s piling up....” Kairi shook her head, “Nope. You’re not leaving.”

You laughed, stepping closer to grab her hand, “What do you mean? I don't want to leave but I I don’t exactly have a choice.”

She squeezed your hands, “Babe, you just got a few hours ago. Stay a while, and if things are still bad when you want to leave, you can just sleep in my guest bedroom. I mean, that’s what it’s for.”

You considered it, and then Changbin spoke, “See? You have no excuses. So if you still decide to leave now, that just means you hate us.”

You laughed, “Okay, I guess I can stay a little.”

Kairi squealed, pulling you into a hug. Your heart warmed at the idea that they all wanted to spend more time with you. It was only the first time you were meeting most of them, but they still reacted like that. It made you feel wanted. You’d only been craving that all this while. From the corner of your eye, you caught Hyunijn’s reaction. He wasn’t dramatically expressive, unlike Changbin or Jisung, who wore their emotions on their sleeve. Hyunjin was watching this exchange quietly from the corner, arms across his chest, leaning against a pillar. He seemed calm, like he was okay with whatever you ended up doing, but he was gazing at you so intently it made you want to stay just so he’d look at you like that the rest of the night.

»»————-

In a matter of an hour, the strawberry tart had been cut up and shared, and remnants lay on porcelain plates decorating the coffee table. Kairi had beautiful crockery. She had a beautiful home. She had beautiful friends. Changbin was funnier than you expected — Hyunjin had never talked about his humour before, and you were glad you were discovering it on your own now. He was also touchy, he’d find excuses to touch Hyunjin and Jisung every now and then, a giggle on his face when they unwittingly pushed him away. You’d only been here a few hours, but watching their dynamic unfolding was wonderful.

After Hanbin and Seonmi had left, you’d moved over to the couch, which was much more comfortable than your earlier seat, and Hyunjin had surprisingly stayed where he was…which happened to be right next to you. He was manspreading, leaning against the couch arm, a drink in his hand. The music playing was much softer now, so it was easier to have the conversations and listen to them, and Jisung was playing the piano again quietly. Kairi animatedly explained something to him, and Chan was just listening with a smile on his face, while he stroked her back. They were so cute it made you want to die. You snuck glances at Hyunjin to your right, every now and then. He was still calm as ever, but his cheeks were red from all the drinking. His hair was messier too, and it made him look hotter than you could ever imagine. It was hard to look him in the eye, when he looked this good, so you focused on everything else. You were so engaged in another one of Changbin’s crazy stories, you didn’t realize when you reached to pull your dress down, you accidentally put your hand on Hyunjin’s thigh.

You don’t know what you were thinking. You’d severely miscalculated the distance between you. It was only for a second, but he noticed. Of course he fucking noticed. Instantly, he tensed up, pausing in the middle of his sip. You wondered if he’d push it away. If he’d tell you to stop, or ask what you were doing. Instead, he lift the drink to his mouth like nothing happened. You pulled your hand back before anybody else noticed. It was only an accident after all.

Changbin’s attention was all on you; he’d been telling you about his favorite records and artists in the music industry. He was enjoying the strawberry tart Hyunjin baked, leaving crumbs behind, and paused to ask you, “So now that you’ve been here a while, what’s your favorite place in the city?” You tilt your head, mulling over it, “I’ll have to think about that…I haven’t seen all of it yet.”

“Nobody’s seen all of it, Y/N” Jisung rolled his eyes, punctuating it with a laugh, “Even though some of us have been here our whole lives.”

That was hard for you to comprehend. You knew every inch of Daejon, every rock, every tree, each house. You’d eaten at every restaurant, shopped in every boutique, and knew everybody. “This might be a stupid question but do you never feel like exploring more of it?” You asked. Changbin shrugged, “It’s not really possible. Nobody has the time or the energy, or the money.”

“Yeah.” Hyunjin spoke, surprising you. You glanced at him, and he paused from drinking to address you, “I feel that…people here get stuck in their little convenient routines and never feel a want for more.”

Your eyes searched his, “What do you mean?”

He swirled the drink in his glass, “So many people here…get so comfortable. Not that there’s anything wrong with comfort, but when you live in a city like this…I don’t understand. They only go to the same coffee shop for fifty years, the same restaurants, not really trying anything new.”

“I hate that.” You spoke up, before he’d even finished speaking. You hated the idea of that, of an endless routine, and an unchanging life. It was one of the few things in life you were sure about. Hyunjin was looking at you and only you, as he spoke, “I know. So many people here…build their life around a few places, and those places become their life. Even though the city is so much bigger than that, and I guess I hate…the idea of settling for whatever there is.” 

Changbin cleared his throat, “Well. I think I’m too drunk for this conversation.”

A tissue box lay on the end table next to Hyunjin. Turning back to the room, you asked, “Is it okay if I have the last piece of the pastry?” It was a unanimous yes, and when you bit into the tart, little crumbs fell to your thighs, and between your thighs. It was a mess so naturally, you said, “Sorry, could you pass me that, Hyunjin?”

He looked around, noticing the only thing next to him, the box of tissues. He nodded, “Yeah, of course” and reached in for a few, passing them to you. You took them from him, fingers brushing against his. Your stomach flipped at the sensation. His hand was so warm, and your fingers lingered on his a while longer — as long as you could without making it weird. Then, you simply wiped away the crumbs from your thighs, drawing Hyunjin’s brief attention to them. After all, you’d only been this messy with the pastry so you’d have an excuse to talk to him.

You wonder if he picked up on that. You hadn't been too subtle about it, being as messy as you could possibly be just so he'd have an excuse to give you the tissues. Hyunjin was so close to you, after being so out of reach. Being in the same room as him wasn’t enough, sitting on the same couch as him wasn’t enough. You wanted to touch him, be on him, and for him to be on you. You did feel kind of insane, but this was so much more than how crushes or boyfriends had ever made you feel. The desire you felt...you never even knew that was humanely possible. You were so lost in him, and his warm body sitting next to yours that you wouldn’t notice even if the room around you disappeared completely. Still, you owed something to the rest so you asked, “Um, what about you Changbin? What’s your favorite place?” 

He lift his glass up, a wide grin on his face, “That’s easy. The recording studio.” Chan laughed, picking up on your conversation, “I second that answer.”

They really loved what they did. You wonder why your favorite place wasn’t automatically the painting studio. Shouldn’t it be that, seeing as to how that was your biggest purpose in life? But ever since the past few weeks, you dreaded returning to a studio. The thought made your stomach sink. If you weren’t an artist, what even were you? It sent you into a spiral, and you were dissociating from this party, just thinking about it.

“You okay?”

You could drown in the softness of that voice. A gentle touch to your shoulder, and you looked at Hyunjin as he lowered his voice, asking again, “You feel fine?”

You nodded, gripping your dress tightly, “Yeah, I was just…thinking about something.”

“Good, or bad?” He whispered, not wanting to interrupt all of the conversations in the room. You stared at him, “I don’t know. Bad.”

“Do you want to step out of here?” He asked. He was so attentive. Maybe he could be the solution for your predicament too. You shook your head, “I want to ask you something but it’s kind of…random.”

“I’m listening.” He spoke, an amused smile on his features. You swallowed, fiddling with the glass in your lap, and it was easy to filter out every noise in the room when he was next to you, “We always talked about painting together. Would you still be up for something like that? Or…are you too busy with your schedule?”

“If that’s something you want to do, we can do it together.” He replied, “I have a personal studio…you could come to my place, or…I could come to yours.”

“Maybe I should come to yours. I…wanna see your room too.” You spoke. He cracked a smile, “We can make that happen.”

In the midst of all this, you shifted, absentmindedly inching closer to Hyunjin on the couch, until your leg was completely touching his. You felt like a school girl finding excuses to touch her crush, and even just this little touch sent fireworks in your belly. He didn’t move away this time either, and that was a triumph in your book. He just sent you a comforting smile. Of course, the bubble popped, and Jisung said something, pulling your attention back to him, “You should really visit our recording studio, Y/N. I think you’d appreciate the…precision and organisation of everything.” 

“How do you know that’s something I like?” You laughed. He shrugged, “I’ve only known you for a few hours, but you definitely give off that vibe.”

“Well, that’s pretty accurate, I’d say,” Kairi laughed, then looked to you, “I think you’d appreciate the way Chan organized my record collection.”

“You have a record collection?” You were surprised. She rolled her eyes, “Of course I do. I’m pretentious like that.”

“I can show you. They’re right by the TV.” Chan proposed, standing up. You didn’t want to leave Hyunjin’s side and warmth, but you didn’t want to miss out on this opportunity, so you stood up, “I’d love that.” It was in the same room, so at least you wouldn’t be too far from Hyunjin, and Chan began showing you the TV cabinet and how he’d arranged all the records in order of release and by band. He was giggling, explaining something, and you told him how much this reminded you of Yeonjun - he also had a similar collection of DVDs. Chan’s eyes lit up at that. He was surprised that people still bought DVDs, and you mentioned that he should meet Yeonjun. It was a crazy thing to suggest, but you didn’t think too much of it. Your two worlds colliding. You think they’d like each other. Thinking of it, Chan would probably like Felix, too. As he sifted through the records, you glanced back over to the couch where Hyunjin and Jisung were having an animated conversation. He seemed so happy, laughing loudly, eyes crinkling. You’d missed seeing him like that. You’d been getting used to meeting the tense version of him, and this was a welcome change. Around the people he loved, he seemed like the truest version of himself.

You wanted to catch a subtle glance at him for another split-second. But you caught so much more. He was staring at you. He was speaking to someone but his gaze kept flickering back to you, and he wasn’t even subtle about it. At least you had tried to not be so obvious, but he was blatantly checking you out. His gaze would flicker from his friends, to you, to your dress, to your legs. It made you feel dizzy, and you tried to not react.

You couldn’t still be upset at him for what happened all those weeks ago. He’d apologized, and he already said it was the hardest thing he had done. He had more than made up for it, hadn’t he? He had convinced you to stay. You’d tried so hard to move on, to force feelings for others, you’d kissed another boy, but it was impossible. Ever since he left Daejon…you’d tried to not think about him, but he was everywhere and in everything you saw. In your good moments, and in your bad. Even after he broke your heart, he was all around you.

Chan started telling you about his favorite records, and you got lost in the conversation until Kairi called him back, whining cutely from the empty armchair. So with a few top-tier record recommendations by Chan, you made your way back to the couch, and Hyunjin was still laughing over a silly joke. He shifted so you could sit, and as soon as you did, he asked you, “Find anything you liked?”

“Quite a few. I’m excited to hear them.”

And just like that, with a small smile and a nod, Hyunjin’s hand moved to your bare thigh. Your dress had ridden up as soon as you’d sat back down, and he had jumped at the opportunity with no hesitation. Your heart raced at the realisation. Anybody could see this, but he didn’t seem to care. He inched upwards, settling comfortably on your upper thigh, right where the hem of your dress ended. It sent a wave of arousal though you. Jisung began speaking again. Trying to be nonchalant was hard, when your heart was jumping up and down at this little development. A part of you was so happy he’d forgotten any and all unsaid boundaries that he had set himself months ago. Things had changed with him, and you wanted to dig into his brain to find out what led to this behaviour. What happened to not wanting you, to not taking risks, to not wanting a relationship or love? 

The others didn’t seem to care that Hyunjin was touching you so openly, or that he’d completely checked out of the conversation. He was too preoccupied with touching you. His thumb drew circles on your bare skin, and it was comforting, it wasn’t meant to be sexual, but how could it also not be? You’d been starved for this, so you couldn’t help the sensations through you at his simple touch. Chan spoke to you again, “You should really come to the building. We can show you around. Eunwoo would probably be okay with it.”

You guessed that Eunwoo was their manager’s name, and you supposed that Chan was directing that to Hyunjin, but Hyunjin had completely stopped participating in this discussion, forgetting that he held a purpose to this gathering other than touching you like this. But no purpose could be greater than that, could it? 

Each circle he traced sent a shiver down your spine, strokes of lightning down your thigh, between your legs. Jisung started talking about something else, and you couldn’t keep track. You were lightheaded. You were dying. Each second that Hyunjin’s thumb brushed against your thigh, you screamed a bit inside. He was so nonchalant with it, holding your leg at a party like you were his. You were his. Despite everything. His metallic rings were cold on your skin, and Hyunjin's hands slipped between your thighs. All of his friends were here, but nobody was looking at that. Hyunjin was talking to Chan, smiling occasionally, and groping your thigh at the same time. You wish he'd never stop. It was so fucking hot. Your head was spinning, and your heart felt like it might collapse from beating too fast. It couldn’t be normal for it to pound so loudly in your chest. Could everyone in this room hear you? Could they hear the insanity within you for him? Why couldn’t he should just drop this charade, take you away and fuck you right now?

A drink. You needed a drink. You interrupted the conversation, perhaps speaking far too loudly, “Han, could you please pass me the bottle of wine?”

Han nodded, reaching over with the bottle clumsily, and it was fine until it wasn’t. He was too drunk and preoccupied as he handed it to you. The wine spilled over, landing right on your lap and soaking your dress. “Fuck!” Jisung exclaimed, standing up, “I’m so sorry!”

Hyunjin pulled his hand back from your thigh, at the sudden sensation. It was like a cold shower, snapping you out of your daze. The liquid ruined your dress, and it was an expensive one, but it wasn’t Jisung’s fault. You wouldn’t blame him when it was entirely your fault. You didn’t want to disrupt the party, so you quickly stood up, “Don’t worry about it.” You glanced at Kairi, who’d vaguely registered that this had happened, “Could I use your bathroom?”

“Of course. Do you need me to bring you a change of clothes?”

“No, it should be fine. Excuse me…” You made your way out of the living room. You went up the stairwell, the music fading in the background. Your heels were muffled on the carpeted staircase, and your legs felt shaky. Jisung had informed you the bathroom was to the right. You stepped in, catching a glimpse of yourself in the reflection. Your hair was messier than it should be, but it was still fine. You hadn’t drank anything in the past few hours, but you definitely felt drunk. Opening the faucet, you splashed droplets of water onto your dress. The wine had completely spread out, staining the skirt, and your only respite was that it was red wine on a red dress. You braced yourself against the countertop, letting out a sigh, wondering if this had been a stupid idea.

A soft knock pulled you out of your despair.

“Come in.” You unlocked the door to Hyunjin standing there. He was leaning against the doorway, hands tucked in his pockets, “Hey…you okay?” His concerned gaze fell to your dress, “What’s the verdict? Will the dress survive?”

“You tell me.” You laughed, lifting it up to show him the wine stain. He grimaced, “Shit. You need help?” You didn’t. After all, what could he do that you couldn’t? But you nodded, “Yeah”

He stepped in. The bathroom was tiny. It was cute, with a marble countertop and Kairi clearly had a flair for decoration. Hyunjin pushed his sleeves up, wetting his hands in the sink and grabbed the hem of your dress, fingers rubbing at the stain. He was bent over, eyebrows furrowed and concentrated. He must be trying a new cologne. His scent was so strong, infiltrating your brain, your body, your being. It was sexy, and it was so him. It didn’t help how dizzy you felt.

“I don’t think it's going to come out.” You said truthfully, so he wouldn’t engage in a losing battle. He seemed determined though, “I’m sorry. Jisung can be…such a klutz sometimes.”

“It wasn’t his fault.” You said, as Hyunjin suggested, “There must be something in the cabinet that would help, like a wine stain remover or something.”

“I doubt it.” You laughed, leaning against the counter and Hyunjin dejectedly let go of your skirt. He was frowning, a stupid pout on his pretty face, “It’s a shame… That’s a beautiful dress.”

You smiled, accepting this loss and crossed your arms, “Don’t worry too much. It’s only temporary. I’m sure it can be fixed.”

“Maybe I can step into Kairi’s closet, and grab you another dress?” He suggested. You shook your head before he could finish, “You don’t need to do that for me.”

Yet he was about to leave, determined to get you out of this sticky situation. A surge of panic rose through you. You grabbed the front of his sweater, pulling him back in, “Wait, Hyunjin.”

He stumbled back to you, confused, “Yeah?”

Your voice fell to a lower tone, a little embarrassed at your urgency, “Don’t go just yet.”

His eyes met yours, an intense look in them, “Why?”

Your eyes closed, and you were still gripping onto his sweater, “My head is spinning.”

“You drank too much?” He realised. You opened your eyes to look at him, and he was much closer than you’d anticipated, “I guess I was trying to deal with being in the same room as you.” You joked, with a dry chuckle. He seemed amused, “You really can’t stand me that much?”

You bit your lip, glancing up at him, wondering if he missed all the obvious signs tonight, “You know that’s not true.”

“And I know that your head’s not really spinning.” He said without pause. You frowned, straightening up, “How could you possibly know that?”

His lips curled up, and he could probably hear your pounding heart, “You didn’t even have a single sip tonight. I was looking at you the entire night.”

So he noticed that all you drank was water tonight, but you had to keep up appearances, “You’re accusing me of lying?”

“Maybe you’re just trying to keep me in here with you.”

Your voice dropped, “Why would I do that, Hyunjin?”

His eyes crinkled, an amused expression on his face which was so cocky that it pissed you off and turned you on at the same time. He said, “I don’t claim to know your secret agenda.”

“I don’t have an agenda.”

He shrugged, a smile playing at his lips, “Spilling wine on yourself on purpose sure makes it seem like you have one.”

“What are you talking about?” You gasped, laughing in disbelief at his accusation, “Why would I do something so stupid?”

“Because you knew I’d follow you.” He gripped the marble counter behind you, caging you between his arms. You lost your words, heat rising to your cheeks, and suddenly reality was settling in. He was closer to you every second, and you could see every detail on his face - you could see yourself in his eyes, and his lips were so close to to being on yours. The situation seemed all too familiar, and you had to think straight. You couldn’t let yourself be driven by lust again, you couldn’t just be conveniently kissing him, no matter how much you wanted it, without knowing what it meant to him. You mumbled, hands reaching up to his chest, like a physical barrier between your bodies, and it took you strength to do and say so, “Hyunjin…you can’t kiss me if you’re just going to leave again.”

His voice was soft, “I think for me to leave you tonight, someone would have to kill me."

Something in you shifted, and your body was buzzing and tingly all over. He never had trouble leaving you before so you couldn't understand, “What... changed?”

He paused, as if finding the right words, “Even when you were gone…you were everywhere.”

His gaze fixated on yours, like he could see right through you, into your soul, and maybe he could this entire time. Maybe that’s why everything he spoke was thoughts you’d kept hidden, and every touch felt like coming home. When he was gone, he was everywhere too. If you ever needed more of a sign...then this was it. There were so much you could say to him in that moment, but you just settled for saying, “You were right.” 

He was incapable of looking in your eyes, gaze fixated on your lips, “About what—?” And in the same second, you pulled him to you, unable to keep any of this charade up longer, fists knotted in his shirt, crushing his lips to yours. 

A surprised noise left his mouth at your urgency but Hyunjin was a lover before he was anything else and so he recovered within seconds, grabbing your face to kiss you back. His grip was tight, and desperate, and you pushed him until he was against the door. His lips tasted of a strange combination of red wine and of strawberry tart, and he pressed his mouth to yours so hard it could bruise, one hand around your neck, the other gripping your jaw, and it wasn't enough. He only pulled back to breathe, and let out a breathless chuckle, “I was right about what?”

“I did drop the wine on purpose.” You admitted, wondering his reaction, but he just immediately grabbed you again, crushing your mouths together again. It was stupid but you just needed to be alone with him, and it was the only way you could think of. He laughed in between the kiss, “That’s so stupid.” He pressed you to the counter, hands tight on your waist, knocking over whatever Kairi had so perfectly curated on the countertop. Your head spun with desire, and he pushed his tongue into your mouth, tasting you. He accommodated you so easily, tilting his head to kiss you better, falling back into this rhythm like it was natural to your body. You let go of his shirt, leaving it crinkled, so you could tug at his hair. His hands were everywhere. Around your neck, in your hair, at your waist. He groaned, pulling away for a second to mumble, “I missed you so much. You could have just asked me... And I thought I did stupid things to get your attention.”

“I missed you too.” You breathed, hands resting at the nape of his neck, sifting through his hair as you looked up at him, doe eyes, and since he wanted you to ask him, you would, “Please kiss me again.”

He didn’t hesitate, pressing his lips to yours and grinning into the kiss. Your hands dropped to the waistband of his jeans, and you tugged at them, trying to unbutton it. He must have sensed your urgency, a whine mixed in between your pecks, so he grabbed your thighs, lifting you onto the marble countertop. He didn’t stop kissing you for a second, fingers skimming your skin, sending a rush through your body, and his tongue slipped into your mouth again, and you wish you could swallow each other whole.

You wrapped your legs around him, pulling him closer, so reminiscent of the first time you’d kissed him. It had been on a night like tonight, and the longing had built up so much it was pouring out of you. All of this pining certainly couldn’t be good for the two of you by the roughness of your touches, like you were both afraid to be pulled away from each other. You tugged at his sweater, pushing it up to his chest, so you could touch his skin. Your hands were cold, and he shivered at the touch, but he didn’t stop you, kissing your jaw at the same time you felt him up. Your head tilted to the ceiling as he trailed kisses down your neck, you let your hands explore his body, feeling the muscles in his abdomen and tightening your hold on him. He was so compliant. He was so desperate. You felt him undo your bow, unzipping the dress. A fire burned within you, and his name was a familiar moan on your lips, “Hyun…”

“Yes, baby?” His voice was hoarse, and his mouth and his face was covered in your red lipstick. It was the hottest thing you’d ever seen. A giggle escaped you, and you brushed your thumb against his lips, “You have some of me on you.”

He shook his head, unbothered, leaning in to kiss you again, “I have all of you in me.”

It meant something deeper than red lipstick. It meant so much that you could probably wonder about it for days, but you just grabbed his face in your hands, cupping his soft cheeks. All of him was in you too. He was a part of who you were, and you couldn’t recall a time before Hyunjin in your life. He kissed your cheek, trailing kisses down your neck. It was hard to think straight when his mouth was sucking on you, and the bulge in his pants was pressing against you. You're sure Kairi kept a condom in here somewhere. You would let him fuck you. Right here. Right now. But a familiar worry festered within you, and it was physically impossible to pull back from the kiss as you whispered, “Wait.. you’re sure about doing this?”

He opened his eyes to look at you, and he looked so lovesick, eyes-half lidded, breathing heavy, hair messy and your spit and lipstick coating his lips, “About what?”

You touched his face, tracing your fingers over his cheeks and his pretty mouth, tracing it all to memory again after it had been ripped away from you for all this time. Perhaps you were ruining the passion of the moment, but you couldn’t let yourself go through that heartbreak again, “I don't want you to regret this. You said you didn’t want to start something that could put you…or the band at risk. So are you sure about…what we’re doing?”

It seemed to be Hyunjin’s biggest fear — a relationship, falling in love, somebody finding out about you. His company. His managers. His fans. The press. The rest of the world. 

“I was sure the minute I asked you to stay, Y/N.” He whispered, kissing you again, “You’re…everything to me.”

The confession seemed drastic from the Hyunjin who had pushed you away countless times, from the Hyunjin who kissed you only to tell you he could never want a relationship. Yet you still didn’t know what he actually wanted. Would he wake up and regret this? He kissed the corner of your mouth, like he couldn’t get enough of you, squeezing you in his grip, and said, “I’ve been doomed for you ever since I saw you. Nothing changed. I just…decided to stop fighting it.”

His words implied a sense of… inevitability and fate. You were doomed for him too. No matter what pulled you apart, something pushed you together always. It felt like an endless cycle…a trajectory you two were on that neither of you could control. Your eyes widened, and you'd never been this happy, “You’re…not just saying this because you’re drunk?”

He smiled at your words, cupping your face, “I’m not drunk, Y/N. If you really want to know what changed…the past month, I’ve just been feeling so fucking stupid. Seeing you with somebody else. I think I wanted to die when I saw you kiss Nate…and not being able to talk to you about everything, god, for the past few months, I couldn’t get you out of my head and I would have so much to say and no one to say it to…and then on the other hand, I see Chan the happiest he’s ever been, and I feel…so fucking stupid.”

His eyes seemed so sincere, so genuine and you whispered, “So…what are we doing to do now?”

“I guess... now we have to go back downstairs, because our friends are waiting for us…and you’re still soaked in wine.” His thumb brushed against your lower lip, and he pulled you closer, like he didn't want to let you go.

“Right…” You trailed off, tightening your grip on him, “That’s probably what we should do.”

“Yeah. That’s the right thing to do.” He mumbled, but he was already eating up his own words, swallowing your breath, and pressing you to the mirror. You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer in a starved, hungry kiss and it didn’t feel humanely possible to be closer than this. He let out a moan, pressing kisses to your lips, “Fuck, I missed you so fucking much.”

You nodded, matching his every frenzied kiss, “Me too. I want you so bad.”

This rush. It seemed to always consume you, and Hyunjin squeezed your tits through your dress, pushing the skirt up and you were both losing control again. He pulled back, restraining himself, “I…we shouldn’t do this here.”

He said that, but he still kept kissing you, and this was a vicious cycle you would always find yourself in. You had wanted him for so long that you didn’t care where you were, but surely…this wasn’t the place. Your first time being that intimate with him shouldn’t be on top of a marble bathroom countertop, with so much opportunity to be interrupted by your friends. You’d just be setting yourself up for failure if you continued. You pulled back from the kiss too, “I think somebody needs to physically separate us for that to work.”

He laughed, and his voice was hoarse from all the kissing, and his lips were swollen. You were capable of waiting a while, instead of jumping each others bones right now. You were both adults, and you could restrain yourself. It was hard to take him seriously with imprints of your lipstick on his mouth. It made him look romantic. It made him look like yours. You wish you covered all of him in it, lip prints over his whole body, leaving no spot un-kissed. You’d missed him so much, it just felt dumb to stop now, but you did. He breathed in, calming himself, “You’re right. We…don’t have to rush.”

“Yeah.” You nodded, “I want to rush though.”

He laughed, fingers caressing your jaw so softly, “I just…I have to ask you something, before we go back downstairs—”

“Yes?”

“I know that I’ve acted stupidly about this in the past, but when I told you all those things, when I said that it’s a risk, that’s still true, Y/N. It’s still dangerous. You don’t know how wild it can get, if…anybody finds out about you. People are just looking for an opportunity to hurt us, me, the other guys, and…if you’re around me, then that includes you too. I can’t let anything happen to you, or hurt you. I would never forgive myself.” Hearing him talk made you afraid again. This was where it had always ended. This would be the last thing Hyunjin would always say to you, after kissing you. It always ended here, like a dead-end to your perfect dream, and you dreaded his next words, heart pounding like you'd pass out. You expected it.

But instead he said, “I want you. So much. I know that now, that nothing can replace the feeling of you.”

Your eyes were wide, and this was already a different direction than it. had ever gone last time, “What are you saying, Hyunjin?”

“I’m saying that…if we…really do this, there’s going to be a lot of…discretion. It’s probably going to be difficult and frustrating as fuck, and we’re both going to have to be really careful. Is that… really okay with you?”

You understood what Hyunjin was asking you. If you and him were to be together, it could only be a thing of secrecy. 

It wouldn’t be a relationship you dreamed of. Nothing about it would be normal, or usual. It would only exist behind closed doors, and in storage closets, and in the privacy of your bedrooms. If you and him were to continue this…it would always have to stay a secret. 

It would be hard to restrain your love for him, but in all honesty… you had done nothing else since you were fifteen and saw him in the art shop. You had loved him since then, and you could love him in any circumstance, even if it was in secret. Going back to not having him in your life was impossible. You leaned in to kiss him, to remind yourself of how real this was, and how much he was worth to you. An excitement bloomed in your chest from what was to come as you whispered against his lips, “I guess it’s a good thing then that I’m good at keeping secrets.”

»»————-

masterlist ⇒

please let me know if you liked the chapter, or any thoughts on this part! thank you :) 

#hyunjin x reader #hyunjin angst #hyunjin smut #skz x reader #fluff #hwang hyunjin x reader #fanfiction #skz imagines #star lost with you

[drabblesandimagines]

Dove (part three)

Leon Kennedy x female reader Part one. Part two. Warnings: Things get a bit gory in a flashback, description of panic attack.

“Anything will be great. We’ll take it slow. You ready?”

You’re not, but you doubt you ever will be.

“Ready.”

Leon taps twice on the laptop’s trackpad and it emits a beep, signaling the recording has begun, before he leans back, places his hands on his thighs and smiles. He has a nice smile, it’s reaching his eyes and you try and focus on that and not the sick feeling that’s growing in your stomach. “So, let’s go from the top. Yesterday morning…” You feel yourself inhale sharply. “..alarm goes off, or are you a natural riser?”

You weren’t expecting that to be the first question.

“I… I have an alarm.”

“What time did it go off?”

“I set it for 0630. And I got out of bed right away, otherwise I linger and then I’m late.” If only you knew what was to come you would’ve stayed in bed all day - covers pulled up and over your head.

“Then what did you do?”

“I had a shower, then I got dressed – in what you saw me in.” You hesitate - does he need that much detail, or was that too obvious and waste his time? You wait another beat, in case he wants to say anything, dismiss it from the record, but Leon just sits there there, hands resting on his thighs, looking at you, encouragingly, to continue. You press your nails into the palm of your hand, trying to concentrate. “Then I made a coffee to take with me on the walk to the office. I… I like to get there for 0745.”

“No breakfast?” He raises an eyebrow.

“Yeah. Sorry. I made a slice of toast, ate it while I was waiting for the coffee to brew.” You remember leaning up against your kitchen counter to eat it – you hadn’t even got a plate out the cupboard, just buttered it on the chopping board, left the knife in the sink to wash up later… Is there going to be a later? You dig your nails into palm again, hard enough to leave indents. “Sometimes I’ll get a bagel from this cart near work, if that matters.” It probably doesn’t, but you want to stop thinking about home.

“And do you walk to the office every day?”

“No – weather dependent. I mean, there’s a bus I can take. There’s just a lot of traffic and so many stops that I found it takes the same amount of time to ride that as walk, so I get that if it’s too cold or wet. Listen to music, usually.”

“Okay, good.” He’s laying on the praise a little thick, but you accept it gratefully all the same, along with his smile. “Doing really good. So, you walked to work. Anything unusual you remember from on the way there?”

“No. Just the same walk, really. I’m pretty good at the whole awareness of my surroundings cos of the job, so…”

“Of course,” he nods. “And you got in the office at 0745?”

“Erm… Probably not precisely 0745.” You scan in through a turnstile, don’t wanna say you got in at a specific time in case it comes back to haunt you. “And I don’t need to be clocked on until 0800, but I had time to made another coffee in the breakroom before I logged on to my terminal, so probably between 0745 and 0800.”

“And are there turnstiles or a security check when you enter?” Had he read your mind? No, he probably has it noted down to cross-check your story.

“Yeah – bag searched, walk through the metal detector, then there’s a turnstile I have to scan in at.” Like any of those protocols had stopped whatever or whoever it was who had got inside.

“Okay, good. Headed to the breakroom, then from there to your terminal, and no other stops, no colleague interruptions?”

“Er… Yeah, one.” You swallow, her face flashing across your mind. “Am I allowed to use their name?”

Leon nods.

“Clara was in the breakroom when I got there, making a coffee. She had a date the night before – I asked her how it went.”

“Okay. Do you know what the date’s name was?”

“No. She’d just mentioned it the day before, though. We were leaving at the same time and she was excited about it, so I thought I’d ask. He’d been really dull at dinner apparently. She didn’t think she’d bother seeing him again.”

And no-one will be seeing her ever again either, your brain so helpfully reminds you.

“Okay. So, you’ve made it to the office, made your coffee, spoke to Clara, sat down at the terminal… What’s that, exactly?”

“It’s a computer, basically. All linked in to the main server, sit in like half cubicles. The screens have these hoods on, so no-one can see what you’re looking at unless they’re in the seat. They’re called terminals on all the internal documents.”

“Right, got you. What’s a usual work day for you? Did yesterday’s seem any different?”

“Do you know much about the surveillance department?”

Leon shakes his head. “I know you’re an intel source.”

“Yeah, that’s about it. Individuals get marked for surveillance from email scans or phone calls, travel plans, receipts, CCTV – it can be just be a word that flags them up or someone makes a tip-off, then we conduct investigations to see whether they’re involved in bioterrorism. So, I log on and open my assigned cases. We rotate every day and there’s always a few you can dismiss immediately because it’s flagged up erroneously. Some, there’s already previous analysis done, so you go through the notes and then check if there’s been any activity or correspondence logged overnight. If there hasn’t been on those cases, I open up a new case – rinse and repeat. It’ll give me a notification on the system if there’s activity on any of my pre-allocated cases, so I switch between as activity starts and stops.”

“Huh,” he muses. “How do you pick up a new case – just see what takes your fancy?”

“No,” you shake your head. “They’re random. You click a button and the system assigns you one. They change the code every week of how it does it.”

“Why’s it random?”

“Er, in case anyone is… trying to protect someone, I guess? Or being blackmailed into, like, closing a case.”

“I see. And nothing out of the ordinary all morning?”

“No. I… I had one case that had had a lot of email activity overnight, so I went through that. Then I submitted a couple of reports advising three… or maybe four cases be closed - I can’t remember exactly - but it’s not unusual to advise closing cases as people get flagged up all the time.”

“Yeah, all make sense. Did you get a break?”

“Yeah, I had a break at 1300 to 1330. I brought in a boxed lunch…” You didn’t mention that earlier, did you? “I made it the night before – not in the morning. I grabbed it out of the fridge before I left my apartment.”

“It’s all right, Dove.” Leon soothes. “I’m not expecting you to remember every finite detail – you’re doing really well.”

You nod, a little shakily. “I ate it in the breakroom. A couple of my colleagues popped in and out, but no-one sat with me that day. I made a coffee and went back to my terminal.”

“Okay.” He nods, leaning forward then and squinting a little at something on the laptop screen. “So, 1442 is when the power was cut to the building. Where were you when that happened?”

“I had an active call that I was listening in on, it hadn’t been going on very long. And then…” You fix your stare on the coffee table then – you don’t want to look at Leon’s face anymore, those sympathetic blue eyes. “..everything went dark. There was about 15 seconds before the emergency lighting came on, or it should’ve been. We have drills every so often, and it’s meant to be quick, but only enough to light the path to the fire exits, you know? But it looked like the back-up generator was coming on too, because I’m sure I saw the terminal screen reboot a second.”

“And you didn’t hear anyone say anything?”

“I think it was quiet, I don’t know if anyone said anything, but there wasn’t an alarm to evacuate. I had my headphones on still as I thought when the terminal reboots, I’ll just get straight back into the call if it was still going after I logged in because they’ll be annoyed if we all left unnecessarily, you know?” Your eyes are still fixed on the coffee table, so you don’t know if he nods or not. “But then…” You wonder if your nails will pierce through the skin of your palm this time with how hard you're pressing. “Then I heard this scream and… And…”

You let out a shuddering breath, hearing the scream echoing around in your mind.

“It’s all right, Dove,” Leon reaches out a hand but stops himself, leaving it hovering awkwardly over your knee. “Here,” he leans forward instead, picks up the glass. “Have some water, okay?”

You take the glass, not even able to say thank you, and put it up to your lips, but it clinks against your teeth, feels too cold sliding down your throat and into your stomach.

He takes the glass back from you as you lower it from your lips, placing it down on the table gently, and waits. He doesn’t press, he doesn’t smile, just waits.

You exhale, close your eyes – you’re not sure if it makes it worse.

“I… I took my headphones off and I… I couldn’t work out what it was. It didn’t sound human – something guttural. I think I heard someone swear, and more screams, but those were human. I-I got up from my chair, stepped out and looked down the hall and… there was this thing, like…” You search for the words, but not for too long. “Sorry, I don’t how to describe it.”

“That’s all right. We’ve got them on the CCTV.”

“But it had... someone in its mouth. And I should know who it was, because I’ve worked with these people for so long, but it h-had their head in its mouth. How could I not know?” Your voice breaks.

“Dove,” Leon starts, gently, “I think we should take a break.”

You shake your head, determined to get it over with. “It shook its head, like a dog shakes a toy, but it bit down and… I don’t know if I blacked it out because I don’t remember how I got there, but I was on the ground, like something had knocked me down and… someone was on top of me.”

“I am so sorry.”

“There were more and more screams and sounds I can’t describe - from all around – and everywhere I looked there just seemed another one of those things, clambering over cubicles with these awful, long tongues, snapping around limbs and, like, ricocheting people back. I got up and ran but there was blood in my eyes and I don’t know if it was mine or someone else’s, but I didn’t get far because this horrible wet thing wrapped around my arm and I got thrown into the wall or something else hard. My arm went limp – I think that’s when it dislocated my shoulder and maybe that confused it because it let go? I don’t know why it would let go when it didn’t for anyone else and… I… The stairs…”

And that’s it, your resolve has cracked and sobs erupt from deep within your chest, your whole body shaking, your vision obscured with hot tears and you can’t breathe with the grief.

There’s a beep – Leon’s frantically stopped the laptop recording, and then he’s sat right next to you, taking your good hand in his and squeezing it.

“I need you to breathe, okay? It’s going to seem hard, but I know you can do it, Dove. We’re going to breathe in through the nose for four, hold that breath in our lungs for another four, and then we’re going to exhale through our mouths for four. Okay? I’m gonna keep count with a squeeze of your hand, close your eyes if you want, I just really need you to breathe.”

You nod, sobs instead of breaths, and it feels impossible as Leon begins squeezing your hand in rounds of four. It’s poor at best, not inhaling enough, breaths still cut short as you cry, but he persists, round after round until, finally, you feel the air is finally reaching the bottom of your lungs, crying reduced to sniffles – feeling exhausted.

“I should’ve stopped you – realized you needed a break.” He stops squeezing your hand but he doesn’t let go.

“No,” your voice still feels tight. “I wanted it over with. Is that selfish?”

“Not at all.” Leon replies quickly, firmly, before his tone softens. “I know this a dumb question before I even ask, but is there anything I can do for you right now, or get you?”

“Can I have a hug?” You ask, quietly - a fleeting thought of that surely would be against protocol, but you need something grounding.

“Of course.” His arms wrap around you – strong, solid, warm arms, mindful of your shoulder, pressing you into his chest and the scent of the strawberry bodywash. You can hear his heartbeat as you press your face into him.

Leon doesn’t speak, doesn’t move either, just keeps holding you close. Hell, he needed a hug after Raccoon City, he’d just never got the guts to ask Claire for one. Not in front of Sherry anyway, and no-one was gonna hug him when he got sent off to military training.

He doesn’t know how long you’ve sat like that, but he is aware as you grow limp against his chest, falling into an emotionally exhausted sleep. He knows it’s not proper for him to be doing this with you, the DSO asset he’s meant to be protecting, but from past experience, he knows you won’t be asleep long and what the DSO doesn’t know can’t hurt them.

Speaking of, he thinks, leaning against the back of the sofa and tilting you gently down with him, he slips a hand into his pocket for his phone and types a quick message.

Interview concluded. Will have timeline of incident and report sent by 2000. Summary - experiencing survivor's guilt, not a suspect.

--

Part four.

Masterlist . Requests welcome . Commissions/Ko-Fi

Comments, follows, likes and reblogs make my day! PS: I'm sorry if this was extremely boring but hopefully some nice fluff in there for you at the end x

#ghostdogwrites #leon kennedy x reader #leon kennedy x female reader

[alexsoenomel]

Chokehold (Sam Winchester x Reader smut)

Request: Hey I don’t know if you’re taking requests but I was reading Adrenlize Me and I had an idea for a part 2? Sam and reader have been getting at it for a bit but this time they finally say “I love you” to each other? Rough smut with a little dash of fluff? 🥰

Pairing: Sam x Reader

Warnings: sexy times and I love you’s, mentions of addiction 

Word count: 2.1k

Note: I apologize for being so slow (school+work+ADHD). Writing this made me realize how single I actually am.

 Enjoy! Like/Reblog or both if you like it! :)

PART 1

Addiction. First, it feels like a warm hug, sucking you in, disguising itself as something familiar, something beautiful, and finally, you feel like you filled that hole in your soul. Then it starts taking, it takes and takes until there is nothing left to take, until you cannot give anymore – until you’re dead. You find out, a little too late, that the warm hug was just a one-way ticket to your inevitable demise.

This started as a deep-seated need but turned into a full-blown addiction sooner than I thought, but the only difference was this was a blissful one, with no reaper waiting for you at the end. It only brought endless pleasure. 

Sam was no better than me. We couldn’t stop ourselves; every touch, every kiss would send us into a euphoric state, and it was better than any drug known to man. 

After our little adventure in Dean’s beloved Baby, we tried to keep our dirty little secret hidden. Sam would come to my room only during the night when he could hear Dean snoring in his room, and even then, we had to be careful since Dean was a light sleeper. He would muffle my moans with his hand whenever he was on top of me, he would sometimes even let me bite his shoulder, but it was impossible to be quiet, especially when we both liked listening to each other come undone. Long story short, Dean found out.

“Good thing you two lovebirds finally got together! The bad thing is now I cannot sleep.” He told us one morning while sipping his black coffee, clearly tired and cranky. 

Lovebirds.

That word was stuck in my brain that day. It still would pop up occasionally. It reminded me that we never labeled our little arrangement. When it happened, we would carry on, pretend like this thing was meaningless, and then we would do it all over again. We would cover every topic under the Sun apart from this one. We completely ignored it, but it was there, just around the corner, something more than just a meaningless hookup. 

Sure, he was able to make my legs shake, make me forget my existence, and his touch would set me on fire every damn time, but the way he would look at me right before I would come, the way we would look at each other…  I knew I was falling for him. 

We were birds of a feather –we connected through art, books, and music. We liked the same things but were far different characters. I was more of a 'Shoot first, ask questions later' kind of girl, like his older brother, and he was far from that. He was my voice of reason when I would let my emotions consume me; he was the one who would tell Dean and me to get our shit together whenever we would jump the gun (and that would often happen because we were both hotheads). We worked perfectly together. 

***

"God, I'm exhausted!" I said and put my bag on the table. 

We just got back from a hunt in Omaha, Nebraska, and it was a wild one. It dragged to no end until we finally ganked the ghost that was killing unfaithful men. I almost got thrown off the balcony, Dean almost got stabbed, and Sam, well he took care of it. Overall, I was just happy the case was over and, that I could sleep in my/Sam's bed. 

"Me too! Gonna hit the hay!" Dean said taking his shoes off. 

"Already? It's only 10 pm." Sam said. On a rare occasion, Dean would sleep early, he was the worst night bird in the flock. For him, 2 am was too early for bed, and mornings started at noon. 

"Sammy, I almost got stabbed today! Yeah, already." Dean said and disappeared into the hallway. 

"Night, Dean!" I said. 

"Night, night!" I heard him say. 

I was immediately hit with the realization that I was alone with Sam. There was something so alluring about him that made me nervous in the best way possible. It would boost my dopamine and adrenaline – like a drug. I swallowed nervously as I turned to see he was staring back at me and I immediately recognized the look – the look of devotion. 

"What?" I asked. He looked tired, with messy hair, and bags under his eyes. I was a tired mess too. During these days caffeine kept me awake and sharp since we were working night and day trying to solve the gruesome mystery. 

"Shower?" He asked.

"Please!" 

We went to his room since I would spend most of my nights there. What started as casual, grew to be a routine. I started hating sleeping alone in cold sheets – his warmth kept me safe. 

When we entered his room, pleasant silence joined us. We stripped down our dirty clothes and sins as we went to the bathroom. We didn’t say a word until warm water touched our tired bodies.

“Warm enough?” Sam asked me.

I nodded. He shampooed my hair, and I did my body while letting my muscles relax under the shower, feeling every part of me slowly shutting down from exhaustion.  Once my hair was nice and cleaned and I turned to face Sam, kissing where his heart was as I balanced myself on my tiptoes since he was much taller than me. 

“My turn?” I asked and got on his knees, like he usually would do when I wanted to wash his hair, and wrapped his hands around my waist, cupping my ass. It wasn’t the first time we showered together, the aftercare was as important for him as it was for me, but this time it felt far more intimate and real. The aftercare would usually turn into rough shower sex, leaving me breathless and sometimes even covered in bruises, but this time I saw true intimacy and meaning of showering together. 

Sam kissed my stomach as I washed his hair, sending light shivers all over my body. His hand went between my legs, and a light moan escaped from my lips. 

“All done!” My voice trembled. Sam stood up and kissed me hungrily. I could never get enough of his kisses, his lips were soft, kisses sweet kinda like cherries in spring, nothing like I’ve ever tasted before. He broke the kiss as our eyes met, water still running down our bodies. I could feel his breath on my lips. The air, even though hot and heavy, got a little bit chilly for a second – or was I getting nervous? I could feel my heartbeat in my throat. I didn’t know why I was getting nervous. Everything that seemed familiar was now foreign to me. Even though we fucked a million times, even though we both had seen each other naked, I was still feeling that tickling sensation in the pit of my stomach. 

Sam turned off the shower. We did our night routine in blissful silence. Skincare, haircare, the whole nine yards…in blissful pleasant silence. Sam even started using my Vitamin C serum, when I told him how good it is for the skin. 

I was pleasantly surprised when he took a little bit of my hydrating cream after the serum. I would always use that after having a rough day on the job, it did wonders for my tired skin. 

“You’re learning,” I told him as I brushed my teeth. 

“From the best.” He simply said. 

***

I didn’t remember the last time I did my night routine in my bathroom – and it all started when Dean caught me leaving his room to get my toothbrush. 

“You two are louder than a jackhammer!” He told me as he opened the door of his room, messy hair, eyes barely open, clearly feeling creaky from lack of sleep…again. “Keep it down, or I swear I’ll kill you both!”

“Sorry!” I was embarrassed but trying hard not to laugh.

Ever since then, I decided not to leave his room during the night. So, naturally, I started leaving my stuff in Sam’s room. 

***

After we got in our pajamas; Sam in his gray sweatpants and me in my oversized blue T-shirt I “borrowed” from him, got under the covers. I could feel my whole body relaxing, as I let my mind drift God knows where…I was ready to fall asleep, but Sam had other plans. He wrapped his hand around my waist pulling me closer to him. His semi-hard cock was pressed against my ass, and I felt his lips on my neck. 

“Yeah, Sammy?” I bit my lower lip. 

“I don’t wanna sleep.” He mumbled between kisses. 

I turned around, missing the softness of his lips on mine. I kissed him, feeling the minty taste on his lips. My hand went in his hair, pulling him closer to me. He moaned when I pulled his locks, sending shivers all over his body. He pushed me back onto the mattress as he climbed on top of me, leaving kisses all over my jaw and neck. I loved his lips on my skin, I loved everything about them; the softness, the taste, the ability to make me wet in seconds… 

“You got me worried today,” Sam whispered between kisses. 

“Sorry, I was a hot-headed dumbass.”

I thought I could take down the ghost by myself. I didn’t stick to the plan and almost got thrown off the balcony when the damn thing attacked me – my mistake.

“Like always.”

And that’s why you love me. I bit my tongue. I felt my walls completely coming down under him. I didn’t care about labels, I didn’t care what we were, I just knew my heart was struggling to stay silent. I wanted to say those words as much as I desperately wanted to hear them from him. 

“Shut up and kiss me!” I told him instead. 

Sam pressed his lips on mine, this time his hand went down my stomach between my legs. His fingers were cold, making my skin shiver, but his touch bought endless pleasure. 

I could feel his two fingers in me for a few seconds before he pulled away. 

“Tease,” I said annoyed. He loved making me beg and feel desperate and I loved every second of it. 

He licked his fingers clean and kissed me letting me have a taste as well. 

“You are delicious.”

Everything about this seemed different. He was sweeter and far more gentle. Usually, he would tell me to be quiet, his good girl, he would be rough, but this time…he wasn’t? He had a gentle side, but I’d rarely see it. I felt something was different. I felt my heart connecting with his and my soul feeling closer to his own. 

“And you’re a tease.” 

He laughed, showing off those cute little dimples I adored so much. 

"Just a little. " He smirked before kissing me again. I was growing impatient, and it was like he heard me. He wasted no time, he moved my panties to the side as I helped him lower his sweatpants. He entered me slowly, letting me adjust to his size, letting me bask in the pleasure his cock was giving me. I buried my fingers into his damp hair, arching my back slightly. 

"You feel so good!" 

He would always tell me that. Every time. No exception. He knew his words made me needy, horny, and desperate…He knew what buttons to push. 

He started to move and that was when my heart decided to work against me…or it did me a favor? My eyes were lost in his, not wanting to break the contract. I was feeling every inch of him, slowly moving in and out, skin to skin….

"I love you!" 

I heard myself say. My heart was pounding, I could see his expression change as his hair was falling on my cheeks…he smiled and kissed me.

"I love you too!" 

I didn't expect this answer from him. At the moment it didn't seem real but I think we both knew it was coming. Between the constant staring, and flirting just to gross out Dean and the genuine connection we had, we knew…

Sam's pace became faster, and I was slowly losing it. His face was inches away from mine, feeling each other's breaths as my climax was getting closer. I could feel my body shaking, my nails digging into his back as I couldn’t get his name out of my mouth. 

“Come on, baby!” He whispered in my ear. 

I loved his voice, I loved his touch, his kiss. I loved him.

I came hard, biting his shoulder (Sam didn’t even flinch), not wanting to be too loud because of Dean and his “Next time I’m gonna kill you both” sentence. 

He kissed me before collapsing next to me. We were both panting, waiting for someone to say something, to break the ice that had already been broken when I told him I love you. But no one did. Instead, we fell asleep, my head on his chest, safe and sound. 

#Sam Winchester #sam winchester supernatural #sam winchester x reader #sam winchester x reader smut #sam winchester x you #sam winchester x reader fluff #sam winchester x smut #sam x you #sam x reader #sam x y/n #sam winchester fanfiction #sam winchester smut #sam winchester fic #sam winchester spn #sam winchester fluff #supernatural fanfiction #Supernatural fanfic #Supernatural smut #supernatural #supernatural sam #spn fic #SPN #spn fanfic #spn smut #spn fluff

[postmodernbeliever]

sick and twisted- fox mulder x female reader (smutsmutsmutsmut)

in a sudden bout of sickness, you are staying with fox, who is yearning to take care of you (...in more ways than one.)

✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩

hope you enjoy this incredibly horny thing... wrote this as i worked through raging period hormones <333 (sometimes i still get a little nervous to post these but yknow what. if im thinking it someone else is too probably. so yolo)

my ao3 | word count: 2,906

content tags: soft dom fox mulder, fox mulder the top of every girl's dreams, domestic fluff, fluff and smut, sickfic, sick reader, cunnilingus, vaginal fingering & sex, plus size reader if you squint, past fox was a little plus size if you ALSO SQUINT!!!!, idiots in love, pet names, smut, pain relief, talking you through it bc he's a nice boy, cross-posted on ao3

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it was twisted, the way fox was turned on by you being sick. it checked every fantasy in his head off the list and you didn't even know.

by the time you got off work last night, you felt the brain fog rolling in, and you came straight to fox’s place instead of your own- and he was more than happy to oblige you. he wanted to set you up in his bed, but you refused, so he made you a little home on his couch, fixed with his good pillows and the blanket you designated as your own months ago. the man had been itching to come home all day. his brain was so out of the loop, in fact, that he handed dana a case report only half completed, with sentences stopping midway through. his partner had to force him out of the office just so he didn’t screw anything else up, but he couldn’t care less, because he was on his way home to his girl. he even went to the store to get you ginger ale and animal crackers, because he knows that’s your favorite remedy. and god, if you weren't everything he’d been dreaming of since he left you last. 

you were splayed out on his couch beneath a blanket, coughing up a storm. your nose was red and irritated from blowing it into so many tissues, lips swollen from all the chapstick and chewing; a glassy, sleepy look glazed over your eyes, and your skin paled everywhere but your cheeks, which were flushed in a pretty little smear across your face. you were in his old academy t-shirt, which left room to breathe- he was a bit bigger back then, lucky for you- and a little pair of boxers that were hiked up your thighs from sitting in them all day. you were the vision he couldn’t have conjured even if he tried. he wished that they could make a calendar of just you, looking like this, for every month until he died. but above all, your voice was the part that truly drove him up the wall. you didn’t think of the raspiness as much more than grating, but to him? gruff, weak, gentle, needy, undeniably brutally irrefutably hot- he had a thesaurus written just to put it to words. every word that fell from your lethargic lips was like music to his ears; he could listen to your stuffy breathing forever.

fox had been taking care of you, despite your protests to leave you be. you didn't want to get him sick, but he didn't care. he insisted on keeping you company and doing mindless work at his living room desk until you felt like getting back into the world. that was another thing. seeing you helpless and dependent on him, needing him to feel better… he loved that. he loved spoiling you, feeding you, treating you like a princess. that's what you were to him. there was so much in his life that was out of his control, that he couldn’t protect, but you were the one constant thing he could keep safe. the one thing he could selfishly keep. there was no chance he was going to give that up so easily, not when you were catering to his urges so wonderfully.

it was getting late, but you'd slept all day, so the exhaustion behind your eyes was keeping you awake. overtired and restless, your head was throbbing, and you couldn't get comfortable. the man heard rustling from the couch and turned in his desk chair, a serene smile on his face. he noticed you shifting awkwardly and came to the rescue.

"what is it, baby?"

you ceased trying to rearrange the contents of the couch and let yourself flop against the pillows, huffing in aggravation. "ugh, nothing. just can't get comfy."

"let me help you," fox urged. he rose from his chair and stalked over, kneeling dutifully at the couch's edge to help you adjust the pillows behind your head and beneath your legs. "better?"

"mhm. thank you."

"of course. how’re you feeling?"

"not good," you pouted, voice thick with strain, "my head is killing me, and my stomach is aching. and my nose and throat, too… i took some medicine not too long ago, but it’s taking forever to kick in… ugh. you know i hate being sick."

that childish pout had his stomach churning. he knew this wasn't about him, and you needed rest, but he also couldn't ignore how enticing you looked, all innocent and sleepy on his couch. how you trailed off between thoughts, working through the sick haze in your head. he leaned over a bit to rest his hands on your lower abdomen, pressing the heels of his palms against your belly softly. you hummed at the touch, and he had to force his eyes not to roll back.

"what can i do to make you feel better?"

"can..." you trailed off. "maybe you could cuddle me?"

"i'd love to."

the man climbed onto the couch without a thought, allowing his body to mold to how yours curved. you felt his strong chest rising and falling against your back, the constancy soothing as he draped his arm over your side, letting his rough hands drift slowly back down to your tummy. fox pressed a few lazy kisses behind your ears, causing the hair on your arms to stand up stiff. his lips were always warm, but with your skin burning up as it was, they felt frigid.

"too cold?"

"mm-mm," you hummed. maybe they were, but you weren’t going to jeopardize him stopping. 

fox was starting to disregard his better judgment as he tucked himself into you, feeling the feverish heat of your back. he was more attuned to the motions you made than his thoughts. the way your hands, so soft, just a touch smaller than his own, laid safely atop his wrists; how when he rubbed slow circles against your aching stomach, you made a little noise that was something heavenly, both hum and sigh; how your left foot ran up and down your right leg, feeling the fuzzy fabric of the blanket wedged between. he was so lost in how good it felt to be wanted that it was crossing over into obsession. he wanted every square inch of you to need his attention. he wanted to touch every spot that felt sick and nurse you back to life- to have it engrained in your head that only he could make it feel better, and no one else. 

so engrossed in his urges, fox kissed a little more, and what started as innocent turned urgent. he sucked softly behind your ear, nipping relentlessly on that sensitive spot you had. you began to pant, feeling the fever chills leave and a different kind of warmth roll over you. you pushed your hips into his hands, trying not to squirm and failing miserably. 

"oh, god," you covered your face with your hands. “fox…”

fox’s low laugh rumbled against your shoulder blades. the man relished in your inability to resist. his fingers began to travel down to your boxers, and he tucked his hand right below the waistband. he put pressure right against your heat and you buried your face as best as possible into the couch cushion, letting out a helpless whine.

"feels good, right, baby?"

"a-ah," you hiccuped.

"m'just gonna touch it, that's all,”

"but-"

"i can make you feel so much better," he kissed your ear, "make all those aches go away so fast, baby. can i?”

"please," you whispered.

he reached down and dragged his fingers along the fabric separating him from what he wanted, feeling the wetness beneath. his touch was feather-light, and as he gently wriggled his fingers beneath the cotton, you squeezed your eyes shut and scratched softly at the knuckles of his hand still on your waist. you were struggling to do anything other than lie there, but he didn’t need a thing from you anyway. eagerly, you felt his steady fingers brush against your entrance, and his lips parted hungrily at how slick you were.

"god, you're so easy, aren’t you?"

fox dipped two fingers inside you, testing the waters. when your hips rocked back into his, he couldn’t bite back the greedy smile that overtook his face. impatient, he pushed them deeper, feeling the familiar pressure of you squeezing around his hand. you licked your chapped lips, feeling a knot tying itself in your tummy where he worked his fingers inside you. he’d been away a lot recently, so much so that this was a reminder of just how long his fingers truly were. 

"mm, now how’s that, sweetheart?"

"it’s… good," you drawled.

"you like it when i touch you like this, don't you? y’like how my fingers feel?"

you turned your head to look down at where his wrist disappeared beneath your boxers, and you keeled back against the pillow, meeting his broad shoulder. you shuddered in pleasure, and he craned his neck over to lock you in a kiss, feeling possessive like never before. he tasted the minty vicks above your lip and moaned right into your mouth.

"my poor, sick girl… just need me, don't you, baby? oh, you just want me to make it feel better, i know."

you practically melted into the couch as he buried his fingers between your hips. skillfully, he maneuvered you onto your back and crawled up and over so you could lay flat; he anchored his arm right over your head so he could stare down and watch the bliss reach your rosy face, all the while never taking his hand away. once you started breathing heavily and clenching around his fingers, he pulled them out, dragging his slick fingertips across your stomach, leaving shiny streaks behind. when you groaned at the loss, he clicked his tongue.

"no whining, angel. i'm not done. i'm gonna take good care of you."

you watched through spinning vision as he pushed down the couch, crawling low until he could lean over your hips. then, with his big palms stationed between your thighs, he spread you wide, ogling your plush pink folds.

"you're so pretty, baby. my pretty girl."

he pressed a few kisses on the mound just above where you ached, sending shocks up to the tips of your hair. then, he dipped his tongue right inside. he was too needy to start with kitten licks, so instead he swirled around, curling his tongue like a hook, big button nose rubbing against your clit as he breathed you like air. you were officially somewhere new, somewhere out of your own mind; his tongue was so long it could've been one of his god-given fingers, so warm inside you, so deep you couldn't see straight. 

"mmm- god- i love you.”

your toes curled as he moaned all kinds of sweet nothings into you, feeling the soundwaves rolling against your walls. just when his tongue had you going, he moved up to your clit and began sucking so hard you started seeing stars. you clamped your thighs around his head and felt his strong, rough hands grip the chub on them hard, fingertips digging enough to leave moon-shaped bruises. you tugged on his hair, unable to do anything but feel him against you and try not to slip away. but there was no stopping the way you floated in limbo, surrounded by the way he made you feel.

"fuck, baby, look at you," he growled between your hips. "c’mon. let me hear that scratchy little voice of yours."

"oh my god," you moaned, "oh, y-you... i... fox,"

"fuck, that's it. is it good, love, am i good?"

"you're so good! so…s-so good…fuck!" you fought not to trail off, but thinking was hard enough as it is.

“that’s my job, sweetheart.”

he kept himself there, getting off on the way you bucked your hips against his jaw. it didn’t take much longer for the burning in your stomach to grow unbearable, and through trembling little spasms confined by his stronghold on your waist, you unraveled right on his tongue. he came up for air with milky lips after working it out of you for a minute, pressing wet kisses all up your stomach and chest. you felt so dirty as you smiled down at the sheen trail of cum prints in the shape of his pretty lips.

“good girl. did that help?"

"mhm," you heaved, head spinning. “need…”

"what? what is it?"

"i- oh..."

"use your words, princess. words."

"c-can you- you..."

he knew what you wanted. he saw it in the pathetic way you glanced from your hips to his, too worked up to get it out. he chuckled in a way that sent chills up your legs and said, "awh, baby. you want me to fuck you now?"

you bit your lip and bucked your hips in the air. he lodged his leg between your thigh with a smirk and you pressed yourself against it, grinding on the worn fabric of his sweatpants. he felt a wet patch soaking through to his skin, and he twitched in anticipation. you batted your eyelashes and let out a raspy little noise, tugging at the hem of his t-shirt while you moved. and when a sniffle interrupted your humming, it drove him right over the edge.

"fuck. you’re so cute, you little tease.”

he shimmied his sweatpants down in an instant and wasted no time, groaning gutterally as he pushed in and bottomed out. you were hot around him, pulsing like a steady heartbeat.

"fuck, baby. never gets old,” he swooned, pressing a gentle kiss to your chin.  

he began to thrust in and out, hips rolling religiously into the curve of your legs. you clung to his shoulders and tugged him down so he was stuck against your neck, breath hot. he began to fuck you faster, pressing starving kisses to your collarbone, and you arched your back, gasping for a solid breath.

"oh my god!"

"god, you’re so tight," he growled, “been saving it all up for me, huh? missed me bad, i can tell,”

"mm… fox!”

"you like it when i fuck you like this? right on the couch, where anybody could see in that window? say it, baby,”

"i love it," you croaked, gathering the little tufts of overgrown hair at the nape of fox’s neck and tugging them in a last-ditch effort to ground yourself. he tipped his head back into your touch and whined, and you gave a dizzy, darling smile.

"god, i love you. i love you, i love you, i fucking love you," he praised, timing every confession with a thrust of his hips.

all you could manage was a distracted, "m-me... too... ah!"

your eyes rolled to the back of your head as he uprighted himself and yanked you by the love handles, dragging you down the couch like a doll. he clawed at your hips, leaving red marks he’d have to soothe later. fox snapped harder and harder, losing control but not caring at all; you let him take you in his hands, surrendering until you couldn't take anymore, and suddenly the knot in your stomach burst. you shivered and writhed all around, whispering his name like a strangled prayer as your hands searched for something to squeeze. he leaned down so you could grab his biceps, and you scratched at them like a cat, a string of lewd things falling from your tired mouth. he came undone as you clenched around him, and his warmth in your tummy was so thick you felt like you could feel it in your throat. 

"so good, baby, jesus christ," fox wheezed. "you sound so pretty when you’re sick. can’t help myself."

you were nearly unresponsive. your head had never spun the way it did now, and your ears felt like they were stuffed with cotton, along with your throat. you couldn't form any words, all you could do was claw at his arms and tremble, face stuck in a permanent state of bliss. 

"feeling any better?" fox pressed little kisses to your chin and neck and eyes, and he traced shapes on your stomach to wake you up. "come on, princess, open your eyes. come back to me.” when you smiled and sighed, letting out an embarrassed giggle, he cooed, "there she is, my pretty girl."

"mhm."

"still feel bad?"

you shook your head sweetly, eyes drooping. "nuh-uh."

his heart swelled and he just wanted to eat you alive, so he did the next best thing. he leaned down and kissed your swollen lips with a softness he abandoned just minutes ago, swiping his tongue against your lips and all over your face. he kissed you with all the maneuvers of love he could muster, and you hummed against his mouth, pulling on his hair to hear those pretty little sounds again.

"you’ve got me so whipped, sweetheart," he purred between kisses, "just wanna take care of you."

"you're so good at it," you blushed.

"i do what i can." 

he kissed and kissed and kissed you into the couch, and all that kissing got heated, and one thing led to another because the two of you simply couldn’t help yourselves. and the next day, he woke up as sick as you. who saw that coming?

#Spotify #fox mulder #x files #spooky mulder #the x files #fox mulder x reader #fox mulder x you #domestic fox mulder #soft fox mulder #fox mulder x reader fluff #fox mulder fluff #fox mulder smut #x files smut #smut and fluff #plus size hehehehhe

[peachoni]

Part of the family

⏤ an: Idk about anyone else BUT Wayne really stuck out to me in season 4. Like I feel like he would be such a sweetheart to Eddie's s/o :3 I’M NEW TO WRITING PLS BE NICE :D

⏤ warnings n' stuff : Fluff, father figure(reader has absent father) Wayne/Wayne just being amazing, make out sesh ig

⏤ pairing: Eddie Munson x fem!reader

⏤ wordcount: 948

You adored Wayne. You were pretty nervous to meet him at first but over the 2 years you've been with Eddie, you've gotten very close to Wayne. Like Eddie, Wayne would always be the first person to call if you were in a pinch. This particular day ways like any other Friday. You going over to Eddie's trailer and spending the weekend there. You had a key to the trailer so you unlocked the door and smiled once your gaze met Wayne who was sitting on the couch eating his dinner as he prepared for his shift at the plant. "Hey Wayne!" you said happily as you walked to Eddie's room to set all your things down before heading back to him.

"Hey hun. Good day today?" he greeted and you nodded. "Yep! I passed that test I was talking to you about a few days ago." you beamed and he smiled, a small chuckle coming from him.

"See I told you. You needn't worry about it. You're a smart girl and can do anything you put your mind to." he replied which made you smile. "Eddie could take a few pointers from you." he joked before shaking his head.

"Mmm he is trying his best. He actually listens to me when I can tell he is struggling with homework. Soooo that's progress." you replied which made Wayne laugh a little.

The both of you talked about school, your plans after you graduated and minor issues at home, not that there was many but just a few things that were bugging you. Wayne as always assuring you it would all be okay and giving you the best advice he possibly could. Then the question came about. "Wayne... has Eddie ever... talked to you about his and I's future?" you asked vaguely, knowing Wayne would understand what you were asking. "Well uhh. Eddie.. He ain't to open about things of that nature. But just looking at my nephew and how he is around you, I already consider you a part of the family. Eddie may not properly ask for maybe another year but believe you me, he will do it when he thinks you are both ready." he explained to you and you felt tears forming in your eyes before placing your face in your hands.

You were quiet for a few moments before placing your hands down, staring at his ring that used to adorn his right ring finger, which was now on yours. "Thank you Wayne, I really needed to hear that." you said before clearing your throat and walking to Eddie's bedroom. ‘Part of the family....’ you whispered to yourself with a smile.

The end of Eddie's beloved D&D campaign was after school. You swore he loved that campaign more than you sometimes. But you loved seeing him so happy so it didn’t bother you how much time he focused on it. You had a lot of homework to get done so you were a bit grateful that it happened this way. With Eddie here, you wouldn’t be able to get anything done. Eddie being your only distraction from getting anything productive done. So you sat at the small table next to the kitchen as you worked, indulging in conversation with Wayne every now and then.

A few hours went by and you heard Eddie's van pulling into the dirt road, the loud music blasting spoiling any surprise of him arriving. Eddie walked in and he smiled as his eyes met yours. "Hey" you said softly and he wrapped is arms around your waist before hugging you. It felt so safe. Perfect. Eddie pulled himself away from you a bit before waving to Wayne and he got a soft nod in response. Eddie grabbed your hand and he pulled you to his room with him. You laid in the bed beside him, Eddie unable to keep his hands off you after not seeing you since lunch at school earlier in the day. You asked him about how his campaign went and he went on a full on theatrical explanation of the events that unfolded just a few hours previous.

Eddie hummed softly as he played with your hair, causing you to look up at him. Before you knew it, both of your lips were connected. Eddie's hands exploring your clothed body as the kiss got more heated. You soon pulled away for air and looked into Eddie's eyes. "E-Eddie- Wayne is still here.." you whispered and he laughed a little. "Mmm then maybe... We just have to be quiet" he said back before rolling on top of you. He leaned down to kiss your neck, your hands instinctively going into his hair. He laughed softly as one of his hands slid under your shirt, kneading your skin before you heard a knock at the door.

Before you could push Eddie off of you, Wayne had already entered and you looked anywhere but at him. He threw something to Eddie but you were too embarrassed to even see what it was. "I'm headed out. Keep that handy. I ain't tryin' to raise another kid now." he said before walking out.

You turned around and you could have screamed into the pillow. Soon turning around to meet Eddie's more than amused face, shocked to see him laughing. "See! I told you that was going to happen!" you yelled but in a hushed tone before punching Eddie's shoulder. "God you are so unbelievable!!" you whined before Eddie wrapped his arms around you, rendering you immobile. "Aww come now y/n. You know you love me." he said before peppering kisses all over your face. "You are going to be the death of me Eddie Munson." you said before leaning into his touch.

#eddie munson #eddie munson smut #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson fic #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x f!reader #eddie munson fluff #stranger things #eddie munson brainrot #joseph quinn smut #joseph quinn #joseph quinn fluff

[buckgasms]

Let's talk about Bucharest Bucky 😍

So last night I couldn't sleep again so I thought about this and then I kept thinking too much and was awake till 4am but sometimes life is like that....

I've written some of the text like this so you can know what's being said but only the bold is what the reader understands. Hopefully that makes sense!

Running

You have escaped from the Hydra base, running blindly through forests, across railway tracks and through deserted city streets.

Your body is aching and burning from your running, but you can't stop, can't listen to it until you know they can't find you any more.

You've been frozen and unfrozen so many times you have no idea how old you are. You were taken and used and made to be some sort of baby making machine for Hydra. But it never seemed to work.

All you had now was broken Russian, scars, fear and twisted memories that you couldn't make sense of.

Finally you reached an abandoned building and squeezed through the holes in the window, you might have even nicked yourself on the glass but you didn't care. Your blood pumps through your ears and all you can hear is your own heartbeat thudding.

You sneak through the building until you come across a small room. It's got a beat up mattress and a blanket, a little radio and a table and chairs. It looks abandoned so you sink down to the mattress and let your exhaustion take you.

Meeting

You awake suddenly, aware of faint music being played in the background. Your body freezes as you hear soft shuffling.

"Are you awake?" A man's voice asks in the quiet of the room and you manage to turn over, putting your back to the wall and clutching your knees to your chest. He looks almost as nervous as you feel.

"You must be hungry? Come and eat" he places a bag of something on the table and it smells divine. Your stomach betrays you and growls so you tentatively hobble over to the table and take the food. You look inside and grab a fry, it's salty and warm and delicious, but you nibble slowly. Still watching him.

"Do you have a name?" He asked

You nod and manage to whisper it out. You point at him and he takes off the chain around his neck and slides it over to you.

The words "James Barnes.... 1917.... Brooklyn" stand out to you.

"My name is James" he says, almost as if he's telling himself as well. You rub the metal between your fingers as you nibble on the food.

"Brooklyn?" You say eyeing him. "Where?" He smiles and tells you it's America and your head nods because you think you might be from there too! You point at yourself and say "America!" Which makes him smile, which you like a lot.

"You're hurt" he says after a moment and he points to your feet which are quite bloody and dirty. You also have cuts on your limbs from your nighttime adventures. He moves and rustles around the room until he returns with bandages, water and other things from a makeshift first aid kit.

You start to shake when he approaches but you continue eating and stick your left foot out for him to help you. You think maybe he would have done something by now if he was going to hurt you. You can be brave. You can.

"What happened to you?" He asks but you don't understand him. Eventually he points at your injuries and says, "How..." He sets to work and you rack your brain for the words in Russian for your ordeal.

"In the lab. Unfrozen.... Lights go off... Very dark. Noises, very loud. I ran... Got away" your shaking intensifies as you talk so he gently squeezes your ankle as he wraps your foot in a bandage.

"Why?" He asks and you shrug. You had been asking yourself that over and over for the last, who knows how long. He finishes tending to your feet when he asks, "Who?"

Your fingers grip his tag and your hands shake when you whisper, "Hydra."

His hands let go of your foot and he stands up, backing away until he hits the wall. His face is pale as a sheet and he looks like he's going to be sick.

"Hydra had you? Did they follow you?" He shakes and it scares you because he had been so calm before but you don't understand everything he says as he rants, his brow covered in sweat.

You begin to cry, you don't understand and it's not your fault. As tears track down your cheeks he seems to calm down and comes back to you, kneeling and taking your hand in his.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I know.... I know Hydra.... We just have to be safe...." He says and squeezes your hand in his. "It's ok, let me think. Eat and I'll think... Just let me think..."

Eventually he removes his jacket and glove from his arm and you are shocked to see his arm is made completely of metal. "They hurt me too" he says softly. You nod and wipe your tears away as he returns to mend your wounds.

Learning

After a few days you settle into a little routine with James. You don't ever leave the room you just stay put and potter about. You listen intently to the radio, trying to pick up more words to improve your Russian when James goes out. He sometimes leaves his little book behind and you study the pages, running your fingers over his neat writing.

He brings food, he seems to like fruit and he shares soft peaches, crunchy apples and juicy plums which you both smile at as you eat.

You managed to learn enough Russian to insist he gets a mattress for himself after spending a week sleeping on the cold floor. When he was out you arranged them so your heads were next to each other in a little L shape.

Whatever Hydra had done to him it must have been awful. He wakes often at night sometimes shouting at a mystery spectre. It scares you at first, and you would lie dead still until his breathing returns to normal.

But as time goes on you feel braver and reach a hand out to him, pressing on his shoulder and whispering "I'm here". Words he taught you when you woke him up with your cries in the night. It seems to soothe him quicker and it makes your stomach ease when he relaxes at your touch.

Tonight he takes longer, shakes harder and you notice little tears slipping down his cheeks. Feeling brave you crawl off your mattress and perch on the side of his. Your hand rests on his tags and you rub them between your fingers.

"James Barnes.... 1917.... Brooklyn"

You whisper it over and over again, his hand grips yours and his breath finally evens out. You shiver in the cold and he pulls you down keeping you close and your eyes slip closed as your body warms up in his arms and your body relaxes.

Moving

James decides one morning it's time to find somewhere else to stay. "Never linger too long" he says as you help him pack up a few little things and you smile at him.

"Never linger" you say in a gruff voice at an attempt to mock him and he smiles, walking over and nudging you with his hip. It makes you giggle and he smiles more.

He brings you to a little apartment block and walks up to the fifth floor. It's a dingy little place and you don't feel very safe but you know being with James it'll be ok.

You help him cover up the windows and clean the room. He moves the bed into the kitchen as you scrub the sink clean, noticing there's only one now. It makes you feel....something.

He goes out again and returns with some essentials. A few more clothes, some fresh bedding and some food. He also pulls out a pot plant out of his rucksack and he turns almost beetroot red as he slides it across the table towards you.

"I can't buy you flowers. But I can buy you this..."

You smile and shuffle round the table sliding your arms around his waist. He presses his lips to your head and you both stay there for a moment, before going back to your chores.

Summer

As the heat builds in the city you feel braver about being outside. Sometimes you don't go out together so he has sorted out a plan in case anything goes wrong.

While he does his thing, you do yours. You spend time at the nearby library and take books home to read with James. You sit in his lap and run your finger along the page, following the words. He holds you close and rubs circles in your skin, soothed by your soft, determined voice as you learn more and improve everyday.

"That was great" he says softly as you close the book and lean back, his lips just inches from yours. You hesitate for a moment before leaning forward and brushing your lips against his. It's electric and then he's pressing his lips against yours, sucking and wrapping you up closer as you whine in his mouth.

You shuffle around a bit in his lap before you are straddling his hips. His metal hand grips at your waist as his flesh hand strokes your cheek. Your fingers grip his face and you lean in for more.

It's suddenly boiling and you pull off your dress and tug at his red shirt until he drags it over his head. Your hands skim without hesitation across his skin, loving everything you see, wanting him against you and closer than you've ever been.

"Beautiful" he whispers as he dips his head down to take your nipple in his mouth, sucking harshly as you tug at his hair and moan. He lavishes attention to you until you become impatient and needy.

"James please" you whine and he finally relents pushing you backwards and laying you down in front of him. He takes a moment removing his jeans and underwear as you lay there, unable to move. You feel scared all of a sudden as he climbs over you.

"Talk to me" he whispers softly as his nose runs over your face and he presses kisses to your cheeks.

"M'scared" you mumble as he gently presses his body down and covers you in his warmth. He soothes you, reassures you and relaxes you until you need him all over again. He chuckles as you kick off your underwear and drag him back on top of you, his thick length pressing against your stomach as you kiss each other with abandon.

"I love you" you whisper as he sinks into you and he exhales a smile. "I love you too"

When your bodies are worn out you lay, wrapped in his arms, a cool breeze dancing over your skin as he kisses your forehead. Suddenly into he dark he mutters,

"Bucky... I'm Bucky"

Loss

One day everything goes wrong. You come back from the library and see the apartment block surrounded by police and army types in tactical gear and guns. Some men are being carried out on stretchers while others head inside.

You almost drop your stack of books but manage to keep walking as you feel panic set in.

Like you've practiced, you walk for 20 minutes towards the local park and you sit in the bandstand for an hour. Then, leaving the books behind you walk for another half and hour and go to the train station and buy a ticket. After the train departs you walk to a coffee shop 10 minutes from your apartment and wait there.

You were hoping Bucky would be there. That was always the plan. You kill time and regroup together later. But as you sat there and waited it was clear he wasn't coming.

Was it hydra? But you had been so careful not to be found.

When the cafe was closing you didn't know what to do so you did the thing you shouldn't do. You headed back to the apartment. It was totally deserted from military activity so you snuck in.

As you climbed the stairs you noticed broken bars on the staircase. Neighbours were attempting to fix their broken doors and dust and the smell of gunpowder was everywhere.

Finally you reached your door. Well what was left of it. The room was in chaos. Bullet holes everywhere, the bed ripped to shreds and a telling hole in the floor where Bucky kept his getaway backpack.

You managed to reach the bed and collapsed into it, sobs wracking though your body. He was gone. Someone had hurt him and taken him from you. And now you were all alone again.

Steve

A few days later you heard footsteps coming up the stairs. You ran into another room but you were spotted and heard a voice say, "Hey!"

You hid behind a wardrobe and a tall blonde man walked into the room. He looked a bit worse for wear and desperate as he looked at you.

"I'm Steve. Rogers. I'm a friend of Bucky."

You had definitely heard that name before. Bucky talked about Steve all the time, and now you looked at him, it was definitely Steve Rogers. Bucky had pictures in his little red book.

"Bucky told me to find you. He's safe, he's with me. He told me he wouldn't go any further without you, so please, please come with me..."

Throwing caution to the wind you removed yourself from your terrible hiding place and nodded. He gave you a moment to grab some belongings and change then you were on the move.

He led you on a short walk until you reached a little blue VW. Another longer drive until you reached a miserable looking warehouse. But you didn't care because then you saw him and you ran as fast as you could to Bucky, jumping into his arms and sobbing.

"Dudes on the run and he still finds a girlfriend?"

That was Sam, you learned later and apparently he and Bucky had met before, but the less said about that meeting the better.

Parting

Your heart hurt as you said goodbye to Bucky to leave with Sharon Carter. You didn't want to be away from him, or for him to be in danger. This all felt wrong and unsafe. What if you were found by the wrong people?

He pressed a kiss to your lips and took off his tags, placing them around your neck. "I'm coming back for these, and I'm coming back for you. I can make a difference and knock out Hydra just that little bit more. It's for us."

You smiled stiffly as tears clung to your eyelashes. He kisses you again and holds you tight. "I won't be long doll, I promise."

Endings

After the fight that left Bucky without his arm and damage to egos and friendships, Bucky and you were hidden in Wakanda. It was a paradise for both of you.

You were left to your own devices for a good while and you'd never felt so at peace. Mornings were spent lazily kissing each other as the sun warmed the little house you occupied. You had a small garden to tend to and Bucky herded goats. Children often came by to gawk at you, but eventually they got more involved in feeding the goats and helping you with your planting. The evenings were a mix of good food, warm fires and making love.

Eventually he was prodded to try and remove the trigger words which you added your own encouragement to. It took a lot of work and pain, but one night he was finally free. In fact you were both finally free....

(and then endgame never happens and they all live happily ever after 😫)

#bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky imagine #bucky smut #bucky barnes smut #bucky fluff

[emotionallyattachednerd]

Confessions | Knightverse Bumblebee x GN!human reader | SFW

Word count: 1800+

Warnings: None. Just a first kiss. ( for once there is no smut 😅 )

Notes: This is a art trade for @bi-polar-geminii. Loved trying out something different with Bumblebee and my writing style. Hope you enjoy. ❤️

☕ Coffee

Bumblebee enjoyed spending time with you whenever possible. You always made him feel special, and he returned the same by making you feel just the same. He understood you were very different, species wise, but that doesn’t stop his feelings from growing more fondly about you every passing day. The urge to confess keeps creeping, about to burst out at any moment, but he holds it all in fearing you’ll reject him, and so he continues to be your friend.

What he doesn’t know is that you feel the very same about him, but keep it all sealed up, despite just how much it’s bothering you. It feels like an itch you can’t reach and it’s growing more intense the more you spend time with him. You do ask yourself the worst that could happen and the worst scenarios always run through your head, over and over again it happens, and this is what holds you back. Its torture, and you’re unsure just how much longer you can hold it in.

On one of Bumblebee’s days off he drives you to one of your favourite spots to hang out together, someplace quiet, where it’s only just you two and mother nature surrounding. The drive is always nice and he places your favourite music, listening to you sing along with your hand out the rolled down window against the wind. The sound of your voice is a beautiful melody to Bumblebee’s audios, and he would love to sing along with you, but since he lost his voice all he can do is play whatever music you wanted. You’re happy, and that’s all that mattered to him.

Once you arrive, Bumblebee carries you across the thicket towards the river bank, settling you down once in the clear and you both take in your surroundings and nature's music. It’s beautifully relaxing. You breathe in deeply and let out a satisfied exhale while setting the sun observe into your skin. Bumblebee mimics this, just to be a part of your relaxation.

“Feel that sun, breathe in that fresh air, hear nature's music, this is the kind of life to live.” You say wearing a fond smile. “If only this was right in my backyard, it would be parricide.”

"Is that something you would like? Why not change your life to have this?" He asked through his radio over a few channels.

“Oh, as much as I would like to, I have work and friends I don’t want to leave. Sometimes that’s the way of life, but I have no regrets. What I already have is something that is irreplaceable, I wouldn’t trade it for the world.” That’s the truth you speak as you offer him a sweet smile.

Bumblebee listens closely, enticed by your speech. You were such a wonderful human being that saw so much beauty in everything, so caring, beautiful. Finding the right channel through his radio, he goes to speak, to confess something that's been nagging in his helm.

"You're perfect, kind, and you-"

“Oh Bee, look over there.” You didn’t mean to cut him off but you notice something in the water struggling to swim. It’s a tiny Bumblebee, who had made an unfortunate mistake and got themselves submerged in the water. Without hesitation you take your shoes off and enter the shallow bank, gently using your hands you scoop it up, saving its life. There is little care about your clothes getting wet or dirty, all that mattered to you was the poor little guy.

Bumblebee watches this happen and tilts his head curiously at the small creature sitting in your hands, tired from the struggle, but resting calmly as they try to get themselves dry and regain their energy. He’s seen cruelness in the universe, even earth. Such a creature wasn’t always looked out for and so are forced to take care of themselves without help, and in this creature's final moments near death, they are saved by the most kind hearted human this universe didn’t deserve. Bugs die all the time, every day, but this bug won’t be one of them today.                 

“Poor thing.” You coo calmly at it, bringing your hand closer to your face. “Don’t worry little guy, you’re safe now. You can rest there for as long as you need.” Looking back at Bumblebee you give an innocent smile. “I know it might seem strange talking to a bug, but I believe all living things can understand us somehow, even though we can’t understand them, but there’s a connection and it's up to us to find it, to make that connection work. They need help sometimes and it's up to us to offer that help, it’s a choice. There’s beauty in this world and these little guys have a big part in it, pollinating the world and bringing life everywhere.” You explain to him, all the while you watch the fuzzy bumblebee in your hand with a smile. “Thank you, little one.”

Bumblebee tilts his helm curiously. “Why…appreciation?”

“Well, like I said, they help keep our world thriving, and without them our world wouldn’t be anything beautiful like it is. Like you and the autoboots, you’re here to protect earth and humans from decepticons. Without you, our world would be destroyed.”

Then, Bumblebee feels a heavy emotion, a dread. "We failed our world. Protecting yours is our priority. I don't want to fail you."

Tilting your head up, you listen to what he says to you, curious by the tone you picked up on. "I believe in you, Bee. You could never disappoint me. Sorry, I think I cut you off before. What were you going to say?"

Now it's Bumblebee's turn to hesitate, a shy little child worried about the outcome of what he truly wanted to say to you. Humming buzzing sound from him, before he finally confesses through his radio. "You complete me."

His words make your heart skip a beat. "I...I complete you? What do you mean by that?" You need to make sure, to dig deeper, find the source of what he just said to you.

Bumblebee stares at the crawling bee on her hand, desperately trying to clean and dry itself. He knows there's no backing out of it, and answers without looking at her.

"When you realise you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." A famous quote he found, and the only one he seemed to find and fit in the situation he brought himself in.

The confession truly takes your breath away, a warmth floods through your entire body, causing goosebumps to rush through your skin and tickling your tiny hairs. Still, as beautiful as his quote was, you needed more clarification, just to be sure.

"Bee, do you love me?" As forward as it sounded, it's all you could think of in the moment, to put it out there. Your eyes are fixed on him as you await his answer.

Through his sudden shyness, he tilts his helm at you and manages to give a simple nod, right before tearing his gaze away back onto the bug you continue to hold. It's something you've only dreamed about, a love confession from your favourite yellow bug, from Bumblebee.

Stepping closer you touch his surprisingly warm plating at his servo, gaining his attention, watching as his baby blue optics shift directly onto you, looking like a frightened child that tugs at your heart. There was no need to question further as to why he didn't say anything before, because you had also done it, keeping your feelings all bottled up. Both of you were worried about the outcome, but now it's all happening, and there is only one thing to do that struck your mind.

"Kiss me."

For a split second Bumblebee is confused before his optics glow brightly, happiness blooming through him hearing these words. Slowly he leans forward, his helm tilts, and you meet with him before sealing your soft lips over the grill of his mouth guard. It might not seem like it but you feel him kissing you back, gently pressing as you let the kiss linger for as long as possible. There's a concoction of emotions, your racing heart beats quickly, a bundle of nerves tightens at your chest, and a flood of happiness bursts through your whole body. The moment leaves you giggling silently on the inside, a love and affection latching onto the moment with what feels like butterflies fluttering around your stomach.

When the kiss is finally broken all you both can do is stare at one another closely, fond eyes and optics holding together before your beaming smile grows more. "Oh Bee, you've got a bee on you."

That he does. In the moment the tiny bee had crawled from her hand and onto his face, still crawling around but looking better than before. He doesn't mind, in fact he enjoys having the tiny bug on him, thinking it as a trust bond just like the bug had for you.

Your hand rests against his cheek plating, fingers gently soothing while he leans into your touch, humming in delight as the weight is lifted so quickly from the both of you, all worries and nerves no longer lingering.

"We're both a little silly." You hear yourself say. "But maybe that's what makes us perfect together. I want so much for us. You're not only my friend, but the one I've grown to love so much. Is this what you want, for something more between us?"

Bumblebee nods eagerly before looking up around, noticing the sun setting and the moon lightly appearing under the pink bubble gum sky and speaks through a channel of his radio. "What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey, that's a pretty good idea. I'll give you the moon."

Letting out a pleasant giggle you hold your hand over across his servo. "As lovely as that sounds I don't think mother nature would appreciate that. I want you. I want our fairy tale, that's all I need."

Bumblebee lets out another low hum before moving his servo up to his face to allow the tiny bee to crawl onto his digit and bring it back down between you both. Finally, the bee had enough strength, twitching its fuzzy body and taking flight, flying around them both as if it was trying to thank them, before flying away and back to its colony through the vibrant trees.

It was a beautiful moment, one neither of you will ever forget. Turning to Bumblebee again, you kiss his cheek plating and beam brightly. "Can we stay a little longer? Maybe we could cuddle?"

He's more than happy to do that. "Happily ever after."

#transformers #tf knightverse #bumblebee #reader insert #gn reader #bumblebee x reader #art trade #cute yellow bug robots #fanfiction #sfw #writing #fandom #sugarrusheag

[vilentia]

An Unforeseen Reunion

Eddie Munson x reader

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 (coming soon)

Summary: an unexpected visit leads to a joyful and emotional reunion, rekindling old connections and creating new memories.

This is part 2 of what was originally planned as a one-part story.

****

Two years had slipped by since Eddie Munson left Hawkins and you behind. Those years were filled with growth, change, and a persistent longing that neither time nor distance could diminish. Now, standing nervously outside Eddie's apartment in California, your heart was a flurry of excitement and apprehension.

The journey to see him had been a whirlwind of emotions. Every mile traveled intensified the anticipation of seeing Eddie's face, hearing his voice not through a phone but in person. The memories of your last day together in Hawkins were vivid in your mind as you raised your hand to knock on the door.

As the door opened, revealing Eddie, time seemed to stop. He was slightly different—hair trimmed, a new maturity in his eyes—but unmistakably the Eddie you remembered.

Eddie froze, his eyes widening in disbelief. "Is this actually happening?" he uttered in astonishment.

"It's really me, Eddie," you said, your voice thick with emotion.

In a heartbeat, he enveloped you in a hug, lifting you slightly off the ground. The hug was tight, filled with years of missed moments and unspoken words. "I can't believe you're here," he said, his voice muffled by your hair.

"I've missed you so much, Eddie. More than I could put into words," you confessed, holding him tightly.

He gently set you down but kept his arms around you. "I missed you every single day. I can't... I just can't believe you're actually here."

You looked up into his eyes, those familiar pools of warmth and understanding. "I wanted to see you, to be with you, even if it's only for a short time."

Eddie's hands gently framed your face. "You being here is the best thing that's happened to me in a long time. How long are you staying?"

"As long as we need to catch up," you replied, a hopeful smile on your lips.

Eddie's laugh was like music to your ears. "Then let's not waste a single moment."

You stepped into his apartment, a space that felt instantly welcoming, a reflection of Eddie himself. It was filled with little bits of his life—posters of bands, a guitar in the corner, and a small, makeshift recording setup.

As Eddie gave you a tour, his voice was animated, filled with enthusiasm. "This is where the magic happens," he joked, gesturing to his guitar. "I've been working on some new stuff. I wish you could have been here to hear it as it came together."

"I would have loved that," you said, imagining the nights you could have spent listening to him play, sharing your thoughts, and just being together.

Settling on the couch, you both shared stories of the past two years. Eddie talked about his journey in California, the struggles and small triumphs of trying to make it in the music scene.

"What about you? How's life been treating you back in Hawkins?" Eddie asked, his gaze fixed on you.

"It's been okay, you know. Hawkins will always be home, but there's always been something missing since you left," you admitted, feeling a surge of honesty.

Eddie reached out, taking your hand. "I felt the same way. There were so many times I wanted to just come back. But I knew I had to try and make it here, for my music, for myself."

"I always knew you would make it. You're the most talented person I know," you said, pride evident in your voice.

He smiled, a little bashfully. "Thanks. That means a lot, coming from you. You've always been my biggest supporter."

You both fell into a comfortable silence, the kind that only comes with a deep, unspoken understanding. As the evening deepened into night, Eddie's expression grew more serious.

"I used to imagine this all the time, you know," he said quietly. "You, here, with me. It seemed like a dream I didn't allow myself to have."

"I guess dreams do come true sometimes," you whispered, feeling a sense of contentment enveloping you.

Eddie nodded. "I've learned that dreams are nothing without someone to share them with. You being here makes everything feel complete."

You leaned against him, your head resting on his shoulder. "Let's make the most of our time together, Eddie. Let's make new memories, just like old times."

He wrapped an arm around you, pulling you closer. "I'd like that. New memories with you are the best kind."

In that moment, the past and the future seemed to converge, creating a perfect present. You were together again, and though the future was uncertain, the now was all that mattered. You were with Eddie, and that was enough. It was more than enough.

#eddie munson #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson angst #eddie munson stranger things #eddie munson supremacy #eddie munson fics #eddie munson oneshot #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson writing #eddie munson request #eddie munson reader insert #eddie munson is not dead #eddie munson is alive #eddie munson is a sweetheart #eddie munson au #eddie munson story #eddie munson drabble #eddie munson fluff x reader #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson fem!reader #eddie munson fandom #eddie munson lives #eddie munson x female character #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x oc #eddie munson x fem!reader fluff

[mignonricciardo]

a helping hand | fd11

I’m making it my mission to become the premiere felipe drugovich account and feed everyone!!! this comes from a completely self-indulgent place (and on a few asks in my inbox rn with drugo thoughts)

summary: a certain conversation with your best friend leads to him teaching you some things he learned on the road (5.2k words)

warnings: friends-to-lovers, mostly smut, so much praise, mutual masturbation, handjob, cursing, terms of endearment

“Will you ever let me repay you for letting me stay here?” Felipe says from the couch, legs tucked beneath him as he searches for something on the television. 

“There’s really no need to repay me, Felipe,” I answer, reaching to put groceries away on the top shelf. “I’d be staying here alone, so it’s nice to have you here when you’re in town for the team.”

“This is so much better than a hotel,” he smiles, leaning into the couch as he settles on playing music from the television. 

“I’m glad you like my tiny apartment more than the nice hotel Aston Martin was going to get you,” I laugh, still reaching for the top shelf. 

Music starts from the television, a slower bass thumping from the speakers as Drake’s voice rings clear in the apartment. I laugh as Felipe sings along quietly to the rapper’s new album, turning to look at him as his voice grows louder as he comes toward me in the kitchen. He plucks the flour bag from my hands, placing it on the shelf I had been reaching for. His chest brushes my back as he tips forward to leave the product before leaning back against the counter. 

“All you had to do was ask,” he laughs quietly as I keep sorting through groceries.

“You don’t like watching me struggle?” I throw at him, grinning as he scoffs. 

He crosses his arms across his chest, “Only sometimes. Consider that part of my thanks for letting me stay.”

I sigh, “How many times have I told you that you don’t need to thank me? I like having you here. I get to spend time with my best friend and not have to be home alone.”

“I hate crashing your place, though,” he shrugs his shoulders. “I feel like I’m disrupting all your plans when I can only give you a few days notice.”

I turn to face him, mirroring his stance as I lean against the sink and cross my arms over my chest, “What plans would you be interrupting?”

His cheeks tinge pink as he clears his throat, “I don’t know. A date? Bringing a guy over? Maybe a secret situationship you haven’t told me about?”

I can’t help the obnoxious laughter that rips free from my chest. Tears are welling in my eyes I'm laughing so hard, and I’m clutching my stomach as I double over with my back pressed into the counter’s lip. Felipe looks dumbfounded when I stand back up, baffled by my reaction.

“You think I even have anyone to bring over?” I wipe my eyes and can’t contain the grin on my face. “That’s cute, Felipe, but no. I promise you are not interrupting my nonexistent sex life.”

“Seriously? No one?” he asks incredulously, eyebrows raised and head tipped to the side. 

“Seriously,” I nod my head, turning back toward the groceries still sitting on my counter. “I like it this way right now, though. There’s a lot going on, and I’m so busy I don’t really have time for someone.”

“Not even a hookup?” he asks.

I shake my head, “You know that doesn’t work for me, Felipe. I need something a little deeper than a casual hookup.”

He makes another comment to himself, and we settle back into a comfortable silence as he helps me finish putting away groceries. I tackle the fridge while he places stuff on my shelves, listening to my direction when he isn’t sure where I keep things. There’s a nagging feeling deep in my gut—an ever present reminder of my lack of physical touch as of late. I brush it off, noting that I should get back on a dating site just to test the waters. Settled on the couch, Felipe is still singing along to Drake’s new album as we both scroll on our phones. This setting—a comfortable silence that we could spend hours in—is why we’re such good friends. We’re rarely looking for the hustle and bustle of our other friends. When Felipe restarts the album on the television, I can’t help but let my curiosity get the best of me.

“Do you do casual?” I ask quietly.

He stops singing as he looks up from his phone to meet my eyes. He shrugs his shoulders softly, “I have. It’s not really for me, either. Sometimes it’s the only realistic option, though.”

I grin when he reveals this information, “So is there someone on the road? Maybe a torrid paddock love affair?”

He clutches his sides as he laughs, eyes squinting shut as he leans back into the arm of the coach across from me, “You’ve been watching too much Netflix, querida.” 

I swoon at how his voice changes when he speaks Portuguese, always loving his use of the language, and I laugh at his comment, “It’s not so crazy to think, Felipe! You’re this young, successful driver who, by the way, is Brazilian. You speak multiple languages, you’re handsome, you’ve got amazing curls when you let your hair grow long enough. You’re like a full package, no? You’re sweet, love a day at home. It helps that you’re tall, too. Plus, your voice is deep. I know so many girls who would do anything to be with you.”

Felipe is laughing at my comment, but his cheeks are flushed from the onslaught of compliments I just sent his way. I continue as he’s clutching his sides, “I’m just saying! I find it hard to believe you aren’t seeing anyone while you’re traveling or going to these fancy events with an F1 team.”

“Believe it,” he says, stretching his legs out on the couch. “A hand is enough.”

I gasp at his comment, feeling my ears turn blood red and heat rush to my face, “You’re disgusting!”

He’s doubled over in laughter, “You’re the one who was bringing it up!”

“I didn’t ask for details!” I brush my hair back and fan my face. 

He grins at my red cheeks, “Just because you’re not seeing someone doesn’t mean you don’t have to finish. You do know that’s alright, yeah?”

I screech as I cover my ears, “Alright, that’s enough! You still want dinner? I’ll start baking dessert now.”

He’s still laughing as I fly toward the kitchen, “You know I’m right!”

I begin prepping things for dinner, grateful to get my mind off anything other than Felipe and I’s earlier conversation. I’d been jumpy around the conversation of sex in any capacity—a clear indicator I needed to do something soon about my pent up frustration. I huff as I tuck hair behind my ears, unsure if it’s warm in the kitchen or I’m still worked up from the conversation on the couch. The silence is comfortable as music continues playing, and Felipe sings along quietly as he scrolls on his phone. I’m reaching for the bag of flour on the top shelf, pushed a few centimeters too far back that my fingers just brush the outside of the bag. I fall back from my tiptoes as I admit defeat.

“Felipe, will you help me? I can’t reach the flour.”

“Finally you’re listening! Good girl,” he grins, jumping off the couch to help me. He’s smiling as he walks over, reaching for the flour from the shelf. I’m staring dumbly, eyes wide and jaw slack as his words echo in my head. Good girl. He doesn’t notice my dumb stare as he sets it on the counter. “Was it so hard asking for help?”

“Thanks,” I manage to get out, staring at the bag the entire time and refusing to look into his eyes. 

My hands are trembling as I open the bag, fumbling with the sealed lip. He notices it, taking the bag from me to open it. I try to protest, but I send the measuring cups crashing to the floor with my shaking hands. He helps me gather them.

“Are you okay?” he asks gently, brows furrowed as he towers over me in front of the oven. “You’re acting nervous.”

“I’m fine. I just-” 

My words stop, and I just look at him. My hands fidget with the measuring cups, eyes darting to look at the red cups before meeting his eyes. He looks confused, running a hand through his shorter hair and staring at me.

“I’m just a little frustrated, Felipe,” I say quietly, turning to the sink to wash the measuring cups. “Our conversation from earlier made me realize how long it’s been.”

He smiles softly, relaxing into the edge of the counter, “That’s okay, querida. I haven’t been with anyone since right before the season, but-”

“No, Felipe,” I mutter, face burning red as I turn to him and shut off the water. “It’s been a year since I’ve even done anything.”

He stares at me blankly, and his eyes transform to wide saucers as his mouth falls open, “You mean you haven’t even touched yourself?”

My face feels like it’s on fire, and I groan as I tip my head back, “Yes, Felipe, I haven’t even done that! I’ve just—I don’t know, I haven't been able to get there. I’ve been distracted and pent up, and then you just said good girl and I-”

“You like being called that?” he says, cutting me off as a grin takes root on his face. “I’m learning so much about you today. You haven’t even cum in a year, you like being called a good girl-”

“Felipe!” I scold him, face still burning. “Can we please not talk about this?”

“Why, querida?” his voice is quieter, and the rasp in his tone makes my head spin. “You don’t have to be embarrassed.”

“I’m not embarrassed. I just-” I spin to face him, and I’m suddenly hyper aware of how close he is. Did he always tower over me like this? Did his cologne always smell this good? I take a steadying breath as I shake my head to try to find some clarity. He waits for me to continue, hand resting on the countertop next to the long-forgotten bag of flour. My voice is quiet as I continue, “I have tried, but I just can’t get there. It’s like I have a mental block or something.”

He hesitates for a moment, biting his lip before he speaks, “Do you want help?”

“What?” I stare at him dumbfounded. 

He’s close to me now, chewing the inside of his lip, and he pushes the bag of flour back from the ledge of the counter. Both of us are suddenly breathing heavier—when did it get hot in here? Felipe’s voice is low as he talks.

“Do you want help? Pointers, maybe,” he whispers. “I have to do this during the season, querida. I can tell you how.”

“Felipe, I-”

Did I want to? I can’t deny Felipe is attractive, but we’re best friends. Whatever this is—whatever he’s suggesting—isn’t what best friends do, but when he muttered good girl earlier or when his chest brushed my back as he put things on shelves for me, I couldn’t deny a part of me had wished it would happen again. 

“Use your words to tell me,” he says quietly.

My eyes flutter shut as I heave in a sharp breath. I can’t get his cologne out of my nose, and my brain wonders what his hands would feel like on my skin. Fuck, this isn’t supposed to happen. 

“We’re friends,” I whisper. “Friends don’t do this.”

“Maybe not, but you’re my best friend. We get to decide what that looks like,” he says, being sure to move no closer to me. “You deserve to let go of the frustration, linda. You deserve to feel good.”

There he goes again with soft spoken words and those terms of endearment that make me swoon. 

“I promise nothing has to change if we don’t want it to,” he continues. “This is entirely up to you, but I don’t want you to make a decision because of me or because you’re scared this changes. We don’t have to change.”

“We don’t?” I ask quietly.

He takes a careful step forward, fingers tucking a piece of hair behind my ear, and his brown eyes capture mine and fill me with a sense of ease, “We don’t.”

“And you’re sure?” I whisper, eyes still locked on him.

He smiles gently with a nod of his head, and he leans in toward my ear, “I’m positive. Do you want to know a secret?”

I nod my head, and he leans in closer so that I can feel his breath on my ear, “I’ve thought about what it’d be like to kiss you. Every time I’m here, I wonder what would happen if I just did it.”

“Felipe,” I breathe, leaning in toward him. 

“Sometimes, when I’m traveling and I can’t relax, I think of you, querida,” he whispers, fingers resting on the other side of my face. “I wonder what you feel like, the noises you make, what you like.”

My fingers clutch the countertop, suddenly overwhelmed by the feeling of Felipe all around me and his words weighing on my brain. He had thought of me?

“How will you help me?” I whisper.

“How do you want me to help you?” he responds, fingers brushing down my cheek and running beneath my jaw. 

My breath hitches as the burning path his fingertip leaves behind, “I want you to tell me what to do.”

“Before I can do that, I need you to tell me what you want exactly, linda,” he whispers. “You can say it. There’s no need to be embarrassed.”

“I want to cum,” I whisper, barely audible as something primal takes over.

“Good girl,” he grins, and a whimper falls from my lips. “Let’s go to your bedroom so you’re comfortable.”

Before I know it, Felipe is following me through the small apartment, our feet echoing down the hallway as I step into my bedroom. Is this happening? He asks if he can kiss me, and I nod my head gently. He rests one of his hands on my cheek, guiding us toward each other, and when our lips meet, my mind goes blank of anything besides him. I gingerly rest my hands around his neck, fingers burying into the short hair beginning to curl at the nape of his neck. Felipe is slow in letting the kiss build, letting me control the pace. I moan when our tongues meet, and I can feel his smile as he continues to kiss me. He moves to leave kisses across my jaw and my neck, and he chuckles quietly at my sharp breathing and stifled whimpers.

“You sound so pretty,” he whispers, and my fingers grip his shirt tightly. “Tell me, querida, why hasn’t it been working for you? What’s holding you back?”

“It’s like I lose focus. I-” I breathe in sharply as his teeth graze my neck. “I can get almost there, but then it disappears.”

“We’ll get you there, baby,” he whispers, and my knees nearly give way at his words. “When you’re ready, we’ll get you there.”

He continues his ministrations along my neck while his hands slip beneath my shirt to ghost fingers across my stomach and hips. He’s tantalizingly slow in his movements, laughing against my skin and grinning when I whimper for more or for him to hurry up. Just the feeling of his hands on my skin and the marks left by his lips have me teetering toward an edge I had missed for so long. 

“Felipe, please,” I whisper. “It’s been so long.”

“Let’s get you on the bed,” he grins, leaving one last kiss against my neck.

I climb onto the bed, sitting near the pillows with my back against the headboard. I pick at my fingers nervously, watching Felipe as he sits toward the foot of the bed. He leans on one of his arms, sinking into the mattress near my knee, and his eyes trace up my body. A haze clouds my brain and fills my senses with Felipe. My skin tingles still where his hands had touched me. With some gentle coaxing, he has me leaning back into the pillows, hips angled on the mattress as my hair fans out around me. I feel his fingers on my ankle, sliding up the fabric of my leggings before resting at the top of my exposed hip. Another whine of his name falls uncontrollably past my lips.

“You have to tell me what you want,” he whispers, grinning as my hips make circles searching for anything from him. “This is about you.”

“I want you to teach me,” I whisper. “Teach me to feel good.”

“Are you going to be good and listen to me?” he asks quietly, a large hand engulfing my hip. I nod my head wildly, another please falling from my lips, and he leans forward to press a kiss to my forehead, “Good girl. I know you’re going to, linda. Lift your hips for me.”

I follow his words without a single hesitation, and his deft fingers dip beneath the waistband of my leggings to pull them from my skin. He tugs the fabric down my legs gently, dropping it to the floor, and he inhales sharply through his nose when he returns back to face me. His eyes are focused on my hips, fascinated by the wet spot on my underwear, and the whine that falls from my lips brings his attention back to my face.

“You’re already so wet,” he grins, hand trailing from my knee to my thigh. “That’s good, baby. You’re good. So, so pretty.”

“Felipe, please, I’m going crazy. I-”

All my words stop as pleasure racks my body in ways I never thought possible. He’s pressing a single digit to my clit, and the sensation is almost enough to send me over the edge. My jaw is wide open as if I were gasping, but no noise or breath makes its way out of me. I’m utterly speechless and breathless—lost in the feeling of Felipe pressing a nimble finger against me. He makes a singular slow circle, dragging the wet fabric across my clit, and that’s when a high-pitched whine makes its way past my lips followed by a string of expletives. 

“You’re so sensitive, querida,” he whispers, pressing a kiss to my stomach that nearly sends me over the edge with how close he is to my clit. “You never felt like this touching yourself?”

I shake my head, and he clicks his tongue against his teeth as he shakes his head, “That’s a shame, baby. You should be able to feel good whenever you want. You own your own pleasure.”

I’m lost as he continues his slow circles, and his words string together in my brain. My body reacts to his voice, relishing in the raspy tone filling the room. I’m begging him to take my underwear off before I realize it, and he laughs quietly at my desperate attempts to grind my hips further against his hand. 

“Can I see all of you?” he whispers, and I suddenly freeze as his fingers begin to lift the hem of my t-shirt. 

He waits for me to answer, and when I nod my head softly, he whispers thank you before gently pulling the shirt over my head. He removes my bra in the same careful fashion, groaning when my peaked nipples are revealed to him. I cross my arms across my chest, starting to squirm away from him because of how exposed I feel. 

“You’re so pretty,” he whispers, hands resting on my hips. “Don’t cover up around me, linda. You’re perfect.” 

He begins leaving kisses on my collarbone as my defenses drop, and he’s whispering compliments into my skin as his lips trail across my chest and shoulders. Felipe pays careful attention to his featherlight kisses while his fingers rub circles into my hips. By the time he has made it to the waistband of my underwear, I no longer feel exposed as my fingers curl into his hair. He gets confirmation before he gently tugs the fabric down my legs. A nagging thought in the back of my head screams about being naked in front of him, but I’m too caught up in pleasure to care. 

“Felipe, please touch me,” I groan. “Please, I want to cum.”

“You will, baby,” he whispers, pressing two fingers against me again as I gasp. “You’re going to do it, though. You need to be able to pleasure yourself before someone else can. I’ll be here talking you through it, but you need to know your own fingers.”

“Felipe,” I whimper his name as he grabs my hand, replacing his fingers with mine. 

I gasp at the change in sensation, his warm fingers replaced by my cold ones.

“Good girl,” he whispers, knowing the term will set me off as it had in the kitchen. “You listen to me so well—so eager to do what I tell you to do. I know you like it when I tell you how good you are.”

“I love it,” I choke out, finding a rhythm against my clit that has me clenching the duvet in my other hand. “Fuck, I love it.”

“Can you go a little faster for me, linda?” his hands are gripping my thighs, and it causes me to cry out as I pick up the pace. Obscene sounds fill the room as I feel the knot forming deep in my stomach, and Felipe speaks lowly as he does, “There you go. Good girl.”

“Can I touch you?” I gasp. “Please.”

He smiles softly, brushing hair back from my flushed face, “This is about you, though. Don’t worry about me.”

“I want to,” my voice is choked as the pleasure mounts, clouding my brain as I squeeze my eyes shut. “I want to feel you, Felipe. I want you to feel good, too. Let me do that.”

“Fuck,” he groans as he stands from the bed, and I stop rubbing my clit to watch him. He lifts his brows as he looks at me, hands hesitating at the waistband of his sweats, and I nod my head as a promise that this is something I want. He follows quickly, letting his sweats fall, and my eyes are met with the sight of his cock straining against the fabric of his boxers. He groans when he sees my expression—biting my lip and eyes wide as I unabashedly stare at him. I reach out toward him, fingers gently tracing along the cock as he gasps, and he lets me dip my fingers beneath the waistband to discard it on the floor. 

“You’re so pretty,” I whisper, fingers gently tracing along the veins and circling around the flushed pink head. “Felipe, you’re perfect.”

“Linda, I-” he groans. “Fuck, you’re so good.”

“How do you touch yourself?” I whisper, hand softly wrapping around him. 

He gasps as my hand grips him, “This isn’t about me. This is for you.”

“Will you show me?” I whisper, eyes cast toward his face as my fingers continue their slow movements on him. “I want you to feel good, too.”

“You want me to show you how I touch myself?” he asks quietly, voice raspy at the overwhelming feeling of my hand on him. 

I look fucked out already—cheeks flushed and chest heaving, hair wild and eyes lidded. Felipe agrees, settling at the foot of the bed across from me. We’re propped up across from each other, tipped toward our respective ends of the bed frame to watch the other, and a heavy silence hangs between us. His shorter hair is curling from the warmth in the room, small curls near his hairline, and he watches me with hooded eyes as my eyes trace his body. 

“Go ahead, baby,” he whispers, nodding toward me. “Spread your legs a little wider for me. There you go.”

I gasp as my fingers work circles against my clit, a part of me wishing they were his instead. Pleas and his name are falling from my lips in desperate whimpers, and they only grow in volume when I see his hand stroking his cock. He’s groaning as he does, breath hitching and gentle praise falling from his lips as he watches me. It’s a twisted game—watching the other get themselves off. Heat races up my spine as my legs shake, and I can feel the coil in my stomach tightening as my hips buck against my hand.

“Felipe, it’s not enough. Please,” I cry, any sense of shame out the window as I desperately search for something more.

“I’ve got you, querida. Keep going,” he groans, shifting on the bed as he abandons his own pleasure. 

His hand settles over mine on my clit, pressing down on my hand and slipping between my fingers for constant friction. I lose myself—legs spasming as I come crashing down. It takes me by surprise. When my fingers stop, he continues to draw out my climax, and I’m writhing on the bed as I whimper with one hand curling around his wrist. 

“So fucking pretty,” he rasps, fingers stilling but resting over my pussy. “I’m so proud of you. You did it, baby, even with a little help. You did so, so well.”

I’m just nodding my head dumbly, eyes shut as my hips grind slowly against his hand before stilling. My heart is pounding as blood pumps through me, and it feels like every part of my body is throbbing and heavy with exhaustion. He leans forward to leave kisses across my face and neck, gentle kisses as he whispers praise into my skin. It takes a while before my eyes crack open. 

“Felipe, you need to finish,” my voice is raspy as I start to sit up.

My legs are still shaking as I shift to a kneeling position, and his hands steady my hips while I move. Rough palms slide against my slick skin, and butterflies erupt at the warmth of the contact.

“I’m okay, love. This was about you,” he whispers, pressing a kiss to my forehead. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Please, let me do this,” I whisper, hand gingerly reaching between his legs to brush against his head. “I want you to feel good. I want to know what you feel like, what you sound like.”

He groans loudly, letting a string of curse words from all his languages slip from his tongue. My hand grips him, sliding slowly up and down his cock to feel the velvety skin and protruding vein. I go no faster until he answers.

“Fuck, go ahead,” he rasps, eyes squeezing shut as he focuses on my warm palm around him. “We should’ve done this before now.”

He continues to let praise and comments slip past his lips, interrupted by cursing and sudden groans as my hand works faster up and down his cock. My thumb slips across his tip, smearing precum across the flushed skin, and I can’t help but moan at the sight of his hips bucking into my hand. When he whimpers faster, my wrist flexes as I work him, and I lean forward to leave kisses against his neck and jaw. His hips start to stutter as his thighs flex, and I already know he’s tipping over the edge before he chokes out a warning. White hot warmth lands on my skin, and I relish in the nosies he’s making—trying to commit them to memory before he stops. 

“Come here,” he whispers, fingers curling beneath my jaw and pulling my lips toward his. “You’re so good for me. You’re so beautiful.”

It’s soft and warm and full of gentle caresses, and I sigh into the kiss out of pure content. When he breaks away, he tells me he’ll be right back before disappearing into the bathroom. He returns with a washcloth in hand, and he whispers continued praise and compliments as he wipes my skin clean before turning to his own. 

“Felipe,” I whisper as his hands continue to knead my hips and thighs, easing some of the ache that had begun to set in my muscles. 

He shushes me, leaving soft kisses on my jaw and cheek, “We’ll talk about it, linda. I promise. Right now, just let me take care of you.”

I nod my head, letting him continue his lazy kisses and gentle squeezes. He kneads any tension from my body before letting me lay back on the bed. He follows suit, hair fanning out around his head as he wraps an arm around my waist. I curl into him, relishing the warmth of his bare skin against mine. We’re like puzzle pieces beneath the duvet—slotting together perfectly with legs tangles and cheek against his chest. We stay here for a while, talking about random things as we relish each other’s company. My stomach suddenly growls, interrupting our conversation as he laughs gently.

“You were making dinner, weren’t you? I’m sorry I pulled you away,” he laughs quietly, reaching toward the nightstand for his phone. “What do you want to eat? I’ll order something.”

“Dumplings,” I grin, tipping my chin on his chest to look up at him. “Thank you.”

He nods, brushing hair back from my face, “Anything for you.”

I listen as his phone is set back on the table, and I wait for him to look back toward me. He tips his eyebrows when our eyes meet, and his smile starts growing as he sees my grin. 

“What is it?” he asks, chuckling when my cheeks flush pink.

“Well, since you said anything,” my fingers crawls up his bare chest, brushing over a sprinkling of short hair. “I want you inside of me.”

His jaw drops open as he groans, but a laugh follows his reaction, “You’re really going to hold me to my words?”

I nod my head, “You’re the one who said I should know what it’s like to feel good.”

He hesitates for a moment, eyes searching my expression for any sign I may be lying. My eyes light up when a smile spreads deeper onto his face, and he sighs in defeat as he tosses his chin toward the phone. 

“Check when the delivery gets here,” he laughs, and I’m scrambling for the phone before he finishes.

“45 minutes,” I answer, throwing my leg over his hips. “Think that’s enough?”

He laughs as he nods his head, large hands sliding up the back of my thighs as his eyes follow my face, “Trying to make up for the last year?”

I nod my head, grinding a slow circle into his hips. He groans, and I feel his cock hardening beneath me again, “And then some.”

Felipe grins at my answer, using my hips as leverage to push me further against him, “That’s my girl. Always knowing what she wants.”

#felipe drugovich imagine #felipe drugovich smut #f2 imagine #f2 smut #f1 imagine #f1 smut #felipe drugovich x reader

[fromasgardandback]

The Hidden Wheeler

Eddie Munson x Wheeler!Reader

description: Eddie has a crush on the quiet girl who likes to read, but he doesn’t know his perfect girl is the cousin to the Wheeler siblings.

word count: 2.6k

warnings: depression, anxiety, feeling worthless, touch-starved

masterlist | oneshots

Y/N wasn’t a sibling to the Wheeler kids, but a close cousin. She did however live with them due to her parents working outside of the United States and wanting to finish high school at the same school. She lived in the basement in that one tucked in the back room where no one actually went. She was okay with that, but sometimes it made her feel like a shut-in. That her family was embarrassed or obligated to take her on, and financially she was taken care of since her parents sent money, yet that feeling knawed at her at night. After family dinners nightly Aunt Karen went to the kitchen while Uncle Ted went to the living room. Nancy was either in her room or out and Mike was the same way. Holly followed her mom wherever she went, leaving Y/N alone in the basement contemplating her worth. She took that time alone in her room to focus on books, novels, and music. For Christmas, her parents sent her a Walkman with tapes of her favorite bands. 

Y/N wasn’t a fan of the preppy kind of music that Nancy listens to, but more of Rock and Metal. Queen, Fleetwood Mac, Guns n’ Roses, Led Zepplin, Metallica, and The Eagles to name a few were her preferences. She decided to listen to one of her records one night without knowing Mike had his friends over for a Dungeon and Dragons campaign. She was lying on her bed with the music at a soft hum and the small window cracked open to have a breeze flow through the room. Y/N softly sang to the music with her eyes closed and imagined herself being at a concert. She dreamed of being on the open road, taking life as what it is, trying to live it to the fullest, and with no hard-set job to tie her down. She was looking into colleges of business management to become a band manager. There was something about the freedom of leaving that helped her try to escape the depressed hole she was stuck in now. 

Y/N knew her parents loved her, but they thought her love could be bought. Don’t get her wrong, she was always grateful for the presents they sent, but once she wished they would come home to spend a holiday with her. A Holiday card with an “I love you, Happy Holidays. Love Mom and Dad” with an international postcard. It was somewhere nice as if it seemed like the couple had their daughter obligatorily. Not that she’d ever want to admit it, however, the anxious emotion of them dumping her off with her mom’s sister. Aunt Karen was loving but made sure to focus on herself and her needs as well. Uncle Ted didn’t care too much about his kids let alone his niece whenever he was home. Most of the time he was at work, but Y/N’s relationship with him did not matter to her as much because she never really cared for the man. The home was already strained and distant, yet whenever the family was out and about, the persona of a “perfect family” went into play. Through environment and self-hatred, Y/N craved the touch and love of someone, anyone.

“Is someone else down here? I hear music and singing.” Gareth asked Mike while helping set up the table.

“Oh yeah, that’s my cousin Y/N.” Mike shrugged. “She lives with us.” He pulled out more dice.

Eddie’s ears perked up at her name. The only girl he knew with that name was his Y/N. The girl he crushed on and increasingly grew to fall in love with. But surely, this couldn’t be his Y/N. The girl he sheepishly looked at from afar and sat next to in a few classes. The girl that has ultimately captured his heart.

“I didn’t know she lived with you,” Dustin commented. “You guys would like her, she’s really cool. Quiet, but cool. She likes the same music we do. Eddie, you should invite her to one of your gigs, she would like it.” Dustin smiled gently.

“Yeah? Well, she’s welcome any time if she doesn’t mind hanging out with the weekly five drunks.” Eddie sat in his chair. “Are we ready or we still talking family matters?” He said trying to hide a blush.

Y/N hated taking the bus to school and driving with Nancy was like driving with the most preppiest and annoying morning person you could think of. They were both in their senior year, so Nancy chose to be happy every day before school started to “enlighten her life”. It annoyed Y/N to no end being that she wasn't a morning person. She had to deal with it during the winter months, but if it wasn't too cold, she biked to school. Sometimes she would take the back way and chill out by the picnic table in the woods behind the school. It was a way for her to escape the surroundings that suffocated her. 

That morning she thought she was alone until she heard leaves crunching in front of her. She looked up while reaching into her backpack to pull out a screwdriver, her weapon of choice. It was easily accessible and could be used to stab, or so she told herself while awaiting the person to arrive. 

“I swear, I am not afraid to put you into a coma.” She said before looking up at the beautiful brown eyes of the person she had developed a major crush on. He stood there in front of her a little shocked by her sudden comment.

“It’s just me, I promise. I didn’t know you came out here.” Eddie said, sitting across from her. His eyes sparkled more in the sunlight that was coming between the tree branches that surrounded them. “It’s normally just me.” He smiled lightly in a calming manner.

“Yeah, sorry I’m taking your space… And threatened you.” Y/N chuckled.

“Well, it did catch me off guard but never be sorry for taking a seat. You’re always welcome here at the Dungeon Master’s Table.” Eddie smirked, while she chuckled at his adorableness. They shared homeroom, Spanish, English, and History together. This made it easily accessible for both of them to develop a crush on each other.  Eddie would look over at her while she wrote notes, or read her book quietly. Sometimes his head was way too far into his notebook writing campaign ideas, that when she answered a question, he nearly broke his neck looking up at her. She would sheepishly admire him in the lunchroom while he expressed himself to the whole school.

“H-how’s your campaigns going?” Y/N looked up, trying to make the interaction less awkward, although her shaky voice didn’t help hide her anxiety.

“You know about my campaigns?” Eddie sat up smiling slightly. He didn’t realize that she had noticed him at all. But to notice something that is so important to him, made his heart flutter a little more than when he saw her.

“Of course, Mike talks about it all the time. Most of dinner is Nancy talking about college and Mike talking about how Hellfire is going.” She smiled at him. He looked at her confused. She never mentioned them before, why was she mentioning them now?

“Mike and Nancy? Do you normally go to their house for dinner? Neither of them has mentioned you before.” Eddie leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table.

“Oh,” Y/N sounded hurt in her quick reaction. She understood why, she wasn’t a sibling, just a cousin, but still, she went to school with them, lived with them, and was a blood-related family. “I’m their cousin. I live in the basement. They, uh, they don’t really talk about me much. Not that I expect them to, they’re not my siblings. Although living with them, I consider them close, but I know they don’t think of me like that.” She awkwardly chuckled, while nervously continuing to rant. The feeling of a knife digging deeper and deeper into an already traumatic wound came back.

“You’re the cousin in the basement. You listen to rock music and read comics and mystery novels. It all makes sense now. Why haven’t I noticed that Paladin’s cousin is my dream girl.” Eddie smiled wide at her. She looked up at him surprised at his words and so did he. Eddie didn’t mean to say those thoughts out loud that she was his crush, but deciding to confess how he feels about the girl sitting in front of him.

“Y-your what?” Y/N stuttered out a response. She couldn’t have possibly heard him correctly.

“I’m telling the truth when I say this. Y/N, you are my dream girl. I have had this massive crush on you since we met last year. You walked through the halls and the gates of heaven opened up. You’re gorgeous, talented, funny, and have great taste in everything. I’ve been wanting to tell you how I feel, but the constant thought of rejection stopped me.” Eddie sheepishly said with blush-tinted cheeks.

“Eddie, you’ve been my secret crush since last year. I’ve always found you fascinating, animated, and unapologetically yourself. Plus you’re incredibly hot.” She had blush-tinted cheeks covering her face as well. Y/N’s eyes got wider realizing she just called Eddie hot. Eddie himself blushed harder and got shy, which was a side of him she hasn’t seen before.

“Skip school with me today. We don’t have anything going on anyways, it’s the day before break.” Eddie reached over to hold her hand, and she let him.

“Where to, rockstar?” Y/N smirked, feeling the confidence in her spike up.

After they decided to ditch for the rest of the day, they went downtown to look around the record store, see a movie, and talk about miscellaneous things. Eddie learned that she was just like him. Yeah, he knew they had the same taste in music, but it was scarily to a T. They chose a comedy movie while sharing a large popcorn. Both of them reached into the bucket with their fingers brushing against each other. A blush set across their cheeks as they quickly turned their heads back to the screen. Y/N smiled lightly failing miserably at hiding the excitement she felt when he touched her. Eddie’s facial expressions matched hers in feeling electricity when she touched him. Closer to the late afternoon Eddie drove them to Lover’s Lake overlooking the beautiful scenery before them. They began talking about family, school, and personal feelings. He understood how she felt when it came to family matters. The only one that cared about him was his Uncle Wayne, but for Y/N it was like living with strangers. 

Eddie and Y/N were inseparable from the moment of their picnic table talk. They talked for hours and hours, especially when coming home after school and when he wasn’t in the club with the guys. Friday nights after Hellfire Club was spent at the local diner for fries and milkshakes. Saturdays were spent at the trailer watching movies or driving around town with no plan or destination set. Sundays were study sessions and Eddie chose to pay attention more in class to graduate. Because of Y/N, he took school seriously. Of course, Eddie wanted to graduate this year, but with the recent times spent with her, he was motivated. 

Eddie was motivated to spend more time with her. He was motivated to get done with all his schoolwork on time. He was motivated while writing his campaigns for Hellfire Club. Eddie Munson was motivated to do good by the woman he so easily fell in love with. Even Wayne could see the difference in Eddie the moment he came home with a massive smile and blushed cheeks. Wayne was about to leave for work when he saw Eddie like that, he knew it had to be from a girl. Nothing else made Eddie Munson look like that. For the next couple of months, his entire demeanor changed around her and Wayne. A lovesick puppy in awe and admiration of a lovesick puppy. Neither of them wanted to be out of this phase, and they didn’t have to.

All of Eddie’s friends knew something was different about him, but at lunch, he didn’t change himself. Still, the same metalhead goofball he was, but now with a smile while reading a note that Y/N passed him in the hallway. 

“Eddie? What’s up with you man? You’re acting different.” Mike said popping another grape in his mouth.

“What’re you talking about, Wheeler? Nothing’s changed.” Eddie grumbled, tucking the note into his jean jacket pocket.

“Yeah, I’m with Mike. Something is up with you…” Garreth mentioned. “Or maybe, someone not something.” He smiled wider with an evil look. 

“It’s a girl!” Dustin yelled earning a smack in the head from Eddie. “No, it’s not. Leave it alone.” 

“It’s definitely a girl. Metallica hasn’t released their album yet and there’s nothing new at the Hideout. You’re hung up on a girl.” Jeff chuckled and dodged the pretzel thrown at him.

The rest of lunch the guys teased him about his smile and acting different, while Y/N sat in the corner quietly watching with a smile. She yearned for this kind of connection, never thinking she’d one day be able to have it. She waited for him at the picnic table after school mindlessly doodling in her notebook. She loved the fact that he was all hers and she was all his, but something about being public and showing affection around others was different, and she worried that he didn’t want the same.

“Hey, Babygirl,” Eddie said walking up to her, wrapping his arms around her waist and kissing her deeply. She leaned into his embrace kissing him back with the same passion.

“Can we talk about something?” She whispered after pulling away from him.

“Did I do something? Princess, if I did, I’m sorry.” Eddie was quick to ramble out.

“No,” she chuckled lightly. “I um… I was wondering if you wanted to go public with our relationship?” She played with the rings on her fingers, not daring to look up at him.

Eddie was in shock, he didn’t think she’d want to considering what her home life was like.

“Are you sure? I mean I know you were apprehensive.-” 

“I’m sure. I want to laugh with you in front of others. I want to kiss you in the hallways before class and at the diner. I want to hold hands and not care who’s looking. I’ve never felt this way with anyone before and I want to feel this and enjoy what we have together.” Y/N cut him off and poured her heart out to him. Eddie couldn’t have smiled more thinking and dreaming of all the things he just heard her say.

“I want that too.” He smiled that big goofy grin of his. “I want us public, not caring who is around.” He cupped her face in his hands, leaning in to kiss her. She leaned into him as well, kissing his soft lips with love and passion. 

Eddie and Y/N graduated that year happily together with plans to move in together when they had the money. For now, she moved into the trailer with him and Uncle Wayne. Wayne couldn’t have been happier to have her there, especially after getting cold-shouldered by her family except Mike and Nancy. The future held their love closer as Corroded Coffin took off and Y/N’s dream of writing gave her massive success as well. She was no longer a hidden Wheeler from the world, but the well-known author and wife of rock star Eddie Munson.

#sarah's specials #stranger things #stranger things 4 #stranger things x reader #eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie stranger things #eddie munson imagine #dustin henderson #lucas sinclair #max mayfield #nancy wheeler #mike wheeler #steve harrington #robin buckley

[judethejudas]

COD MW2 Ghost x Stripper! Male! Reader

It’s my first time writing in a longtime and my first ever Tumblr account, so why not make some disrespectful smut as a first using the latest eye candy to hit the gamestore.  And I'm sorry if there are any spelling errors, it's 5 am and I'm too lazy to proof read. I am also a man, have no fear, or do.

WARNING: contains sexual themes, degrading, male insert only MINORS AND FEM ALIGNED DNI.

(s/n) = Stripper Name

“Jesus fuck, what the hell are we doing here, Soap?” 

The scot let out a laugh, knowing he had left out an important detail concerning their entertainment for the evening. Ghost was told that this night was to consist of booze, his buddies, and pretty girls dancing on a pole. 

Well, there was going to be booze and his buddies. 

But pretty girls on a pole? 

“I’m not gay.” 

“Well neither are we but we figured we just had to treat you to one of the best clubs in town.. And besides, it’s not just men in there. Sometimes girls go in there too.”

“You’re all as good as dead.” He grumbled out as the rest of 141 laughed. 

“Get in there already, don't keep 'em waiting.” Price laughed, leading the men to the entrance. 

With Ghost, there wasn’t too much to see out in public. He still preferred his privacy, especially when he was out with his team. He wasn’t wearing his balaclava, but he had a black mask to cover his mouth and nose.

Kept the mystery and he thought it would work like a charm with the women he would’ve met. 

Would’ve. 

Fucking Mactavish the fruit king himself had to ruin it. 

After the men passed the bouncer, they were in the club. 

Hm. It looked like your average strip joint. 

Nothing too out of the ordinary. 

Oh, except, there were scantily dressed men with their ding dongs just nearly ripping out of their undies.

“Jesus fucking Christ.”

“After a few drinks it won’t be so bad.. and who knows? Maybe you’ll find someone you like.” Soap winked at his friend before heading off to the bar to sit. Ghost quickly followed after, not wanting a male stripper to set his target on him. They could probably sense how awkward he was feeling and try to ‘comfort’ him. 

He doesn’t feel quite ready for that. 

Once the men took their seats, they ordered their poison of choice. Ghost ordered a particularly strong drink and downed it all in one go.

He would need it. 

“So, Simon, we have just one more little surprise for you. You don’t even have to pay for it.” Price snickered, as did the other men. All except Ghost, of course. 

Dear god no. 

Ghost was about to seriously protest the little game Soap was playing but then he felt a hand hold onto his shoulder. He quickly turned to see who it was.

Oh boy. 

It was a man. A stripper man. Wearing nothing but black, short briefs and suspenders across his chest connected to his underwear. A bow tie around his neck and… bunny ears. 

“I was hired to entertain a glum looking man tonight by your friends. You feel like coming with me to the back, sweetheart?”

“Oh yes he would like that very much indeed.” Soap gave his poor friend a nudge off his seat and into the welcoming arm of the playboy bunny— to which his hand was then taken and lead to the back rooms for a private dance. 

There was hellfire in Ghost’s eyes that was burning directly to Soap as he was taken away— to which the Scottish man only raised his glass to his teammate with a laugh.

Entering the neon purple lit door, Ghost’s ears were met with different beats of music coming from the closed rooms they passed and very dim lighting. He assumed that the strippers and their clients were having their private parties, and now it was his turn. 

Fucking Soap was going to regret this. 

“Hey— listen, I’m not.. like anyone else here, alright? This isn’t my line.” Ghost muttered in embarrassment, attempting to cling onto what dignity he had left before coming into this place. 

“Of course, if you’re comfortable with your sexuality then what do you have to worry about, huh? It’s just a little dance.” You giggled, turning into your own private room. There was a sofa that hugged against the walls of the small room and nothing else. 

Just you and him. 

“Oh, my name is (s/n) by the way. I know your team calls you Ghost but if you wanna go by anything else, let me know.”

You made your way to the digital screen on the wall to put on your music of choice. The light was better in here so Simon could also get a better look at what he was about to get into. 

He honestly thought you’d be one of those tight, little dainty looking men he saw out in the front of the club.. but no.

You were taller. Taller than he was. Possibly 6’4 and very well built. Like you hadn’t skipped even one day at the gym. You didn’t look like a stripper at all. If anything they should have hired you as the bouncer. 

Ghost couldn’t help but wonder if the rest of you was just as big. 

Was that gay of him to think about your dick size or just natural curiosity?

“You ever had a lap dance before, lieutenant?”

“Well, not by a man, and definitely not one that looks like you I can tell ya that.”

You chuckled, your hand coming up to rest on your hip. 

“I get that a lot actually. Sometimes I think I’m in the wrong profession but..”

You took a few steps closer to Ghost, backing him up towards the sofa and getting very close to his body— where just an inch of air separated you. 

“Sometimes I can’t help but enjoy it.” You mumbled in his ear, before pushing him down gently to sit on the sofa. 

“But I do have to lay down some rules, big boy. Number one, no touching me. That’s my job. Number two, don’t ask me to marry you or tell me you’re going to take me away from all this. I’m fine right where I am. And number three..” You said the last part as your leg was propped up just beside Ghost’s, revealing your crotch a lot more. 

“Don’t take your eyes off me.” You winked, getting closer to him to the point you were sitting on his lap, legs on either side of him. 

Ghost held in his breath as your hands came up to roam his body. They touched from his sides and travelled upwards to his pecs and shoulders, giving his solid body parts a massage. 

“So tense.. you should try relaxing a little more.” Your voice was just below a whisper and eyes darkening with lust. Ghost definitely wasn’t taking his eyes off you now, especially since you were literally on top of him.

“You can understand why that might be difficult for me, yeah?” He replied, which made you chuckle. 

“Just breathe for me, baby.” 

Then you started your dance. Grinding against him to the beat of the music while your hands came up to teasingly play with your suspenders. 

You would caress his body and whisper dirty things in his ear. Even slide off his lap to be kneeling in front of his crotch. Your hands would spread his legs and you’d give him such a pretty, horny stare that made Ghost’s breathing hitch. 

Thank god for the mask hiding most of his reactions to you.

“Fucking hell.” He mumbled under his breath. 

You stood up, snapping the suspenders off and tossing them to the side while Ghost could only sit there and watch you intensely. 

You turned around, showing your ass to him and giving it a few shakes and slaps. Your head looked back at him and smirked, before sitting on him again with your back to his chest and grinding again. 

“You in the military then? I know the men you came in here with but this is my first time meeting you.. so cruel of you to keep me waiting for so long, Ghost.” You breathed out sensually, your hand coming up to cup his masked cheek. He had to admit, the way his code name came off your tongue made his blood rush somewhere.. 

“Believe me. If I knew you were here then I would’ve come here myself.” 

Now there was a change in attitude. 

“Mmm, I would’ve loved to have all that time with you. You’re making me feel so hot.”

“Does that mean I get to touch you then?” 

Your eyes looked back to him and found his own staring back at you, just as dimmed with a longing that couldn’t be satisfied with just a dance. 

Not once have you ever let a man touch you in this club. You were very strict about your rules and the bouncers definitely were too. You two could get in quite a bit of trouble. 

“Touch me.” 

His arms immediately went to circle around your waist, his hand touching your half hard cock through your underwear. Then he started rubbing it.

You moaned, pulling his mask down to give him a deep kiss as you kept grinding on him.

Any other time Ghost wouldn’t allow some stranger to look at his face, but when he felt your tongue touch his, he simply couldn’t find a reason to care.

He turned you around so you were facing him again and you resumed the rutting against each other. Your tongues clashed together and the breathing got much heavier. You couldn’t help yourself anymore, he was just so hot and his voice was doing so much to you. How could you resist? 

“Fuck.. fuck, Ghost. Please..” you moaned out in between kisses, your cock fully hard and erect. Ghost was feeling the pressure in his pants as well and went to unzip his own trousers. 

“Call me Simon.” He panted, then took your cock out of the confines of your briefs and started stroking it. So, you were big down there after all. A whole 10 inches with pre cum already coming out from the tip. 

You grunted, pushing into his touch and immediately losing yourself in the pleasure he gave you. His hand felt so much better than your own, and you wanted to return the favor. 

Your hand went down to take his dick out too, and what an impressive size he was as well. About 9 inches long and so very hard. 

“You look so pretty like this.. touching my cock and grinding against me like a little submissive slut.” Ghost groaned out, still not believing how such a large man like you could be acting like a whore. For him. It was so hot. 

You whimpered, feeling yourself get closer and closer to release as his strokes became more erratic. 

“I’m gonna cum.” You squealed out, pushing into his hand more quickly and panting like a bitch in heat. 

Then he suddenly took his hand away and took yours off of his own length. 

“What.. no, S-Simon please, I wanna cum..!” You cried out, trying desperately to grind against him again to get more friction. 

“Get on your hands and knees right now, I wanna fuck you from behind.” Ghost demanded as you bit your lip, trying to contain your excitement as you got into his desired position on the couch and pulled down your underwear. 

His hand came down to give you a slap on your ass and you gasped. 

“You’ll have to forgive me since I’ve never done it with a man, but I have a feeling I’ll get the hang of it real soon. Just be a good boy for me and keep that pretty ass in the air.” 

“Yes, sir.” You breathed out, and graciously accepted his two fingers that were going into your mouth. Your tongue swirled around his digits to coat them in spit. 

Once they felt ready, Ghost took his fingers out and immediately started prodding your asshole. 

You gasped, feeling one finger slip in as well as the other. 

“Oh fuck..” You moaned, pushing back against his fingers to make them go deeper. Ghost groaned at the sight and started fingering and scissoring you, prepping you for something much larger. 

“Mmhhh Simon, I want it. Please put it in, I can’t wait anymore.” You begged for his cock, looking back at him with desperation. Ghost could just cum at the sight of you right now. 

“You got it, baby.” 

He spit in his hand and started stroking his cock, lubing it to the best of his ability as to not hurt you. 

You were practically drooling at the sight of his dick behind you, all wet with saliva and rock hard. 

You felt his tip enter you and you groaned, before feeling a few more inches sliding in. 

“Fuck.. you’re so tight.” The British man sucked a breath in between his teeth, this was a squeeze he never felt in his life. And it was incredible. 

The rest of his length was pushed in until you were completely bottomed out. God, it’s been so long since you were filled like this. 

You felt a slap on your ass and you moaned out loudly, hiding your face in the couch. 

“Start moving, bitch.” 

And you listened to him. Your ass moved back and forth obediently to push against his dick. You felt his hands holding onto your  hips and helping out by thrusting in and out of you. 

“It feels so good..” You moaned and squealed whenever he hit your prostate, your back arching so your ass was more in the air and Ghost gave it another slap. 

“You like my cock, huh? I’m practically a fuckin’ stranger and you’re taking in my dick so easily.” He talked down at you in such a sexy way it made your heart race. He was grunting as his pace started to speed up and you nodded profusely, mumbling about how you were his little slut and his only. 

“That’s right. There’s no one else who’s going to fuck you as good as this.” 

The sound of skin against slapping skin was getting louder and louder. The breathing only got heavier and your moans mixed with his deep grunts were much more common. Before, he would hit your prostate on occasion but he was ramming into it dead on now. 

“I’m close.. come on and show me your face, pretty boy.” Ghost panted pulling his cock out and stroking himself quickly, standing up on the floor so he towered over you. 

You got onto the floor and on your knees, jerking yourself off as well as you stared at him with tear soaked lashes. 

What a gorgeous sight you were. 

It was enough to make Ghost’s cock spurt with warm cum and right on your face. You gasped and moaned, feeling your own sticky release coating your fingers and dripping onto the floor. 

The two of you were out of breath but knew you had limited time before the bouncers would be checking. 

You both spruced yourselves up and Ghost helped you clean the mess off your face, giggling as he apologized. 

“Don’t be sorry, I had a lot of fun.. and I hope to see you sometime again.” You smiled as he put his mask back on. 

“You can count on that, love.” 

---

:)))) hope you guys enjoyed it

#cod #codghost #ghost #simonriley #codmw2 #mw2 #mw2ghost #ghost x male reader #ghost x reader #smut #ghost x male!reader

[pink-bandana-writes]

Stress Relief

Leonardo x Reader

Prompt: Would you mind doing a little one-shot of Leo helping his girlfriend meditate to help with her anxiety and worries?

Notes: Absolutely, bestie! Thank you for the kind words in your request <3 As someone with anxiety, this one hit different. I think I needed to write it, actually.

Warnings: Mentions of anxiety

Word Count: 0.6k

Reader is: Gender-Neutral

You sat in the lair, fiddling with the fidget toy you’d brought down with you, biting your lip. You’d been having a lot of…loud thoughts lately. Worries that just wouldn’t leave you alone. Your therapist had said once that anxiety was the brain’s protection mechanism, that sometimes, it kept you safe, but other times…

It was too much right now. You just needed your brain to be quiet for a second.

“Hey, are you alright?” Leo asked, waving a hand in front of your face.

You looked up at him, staring at him for a long moment before nodding. “Yeah, uh…just got a lot on my mind, I guess.”

“Oh. Um, is there anything I can do to help?”

“Maybe, actually. Um…Leo, you meditate, right?”

“I do.” He nodded, smiling softly as he took the seat beside you. “It helps me focus, calm down my brain when it feels like its racing a mile a minute.”

“That sounds…helpful.” You said quietly, meeting his calm blue eyes.

“It is. We could try it together if you want. If you think it would help, that is.” He offered, taking your hand in his.

“I think that would help, yeah.” You nodded.

Leo led you into the dojo and grabbed a few meditation cushions, setting one out for either of you. He grabbed your favorite blanket and draped it around your shoulders, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“So, I usually listen to some soft music, but I could put on some white noise or brown noise or rain sounds…” Leo listed.

“Brown noise might be nice.”

“Good. And do you want me to light a candle?”

“Sure, what do you have?”

“I think the more accurate question is what don’t I have?” Leo raised an eyebrow, pulling his basket full of candles over to you.

You chuckled softly, looking through the options. “Bath and Body Works, huh?”

“They’ve got good scents.” He shrugged and held up one called stress relief, that smelled like mint and eucalyptus. “This one’s my favorite.”

“It smells really good.” You agreed, inhaling it. “I think that one would be good.”

“Great.” Leo set the candle between you on the floor and lit it before handing you a pair of headphones. “So, try to clear your mind. If you can’t do that, just take deep breaths and count slowly. If your mind starts to wander, don’t resist, just gently remind yourself of the task at hand. Those thoughts will still be there when you’re ready for them.”

“Okay.” You nodded, listening carefully to everything he told you.

“How long do you want to try?”

“Maybe like thirty minutes?”

“Awesome. I’ll put a timer on the sound.” Leo told you, setting things up on his phone and then motioning for you to put your headphones on.

You slipped them on and listened to the soothing, ambient noise. It was like magic, almost. Your brain felt so…quiet. You took deep breaths, as Leo had instructed, and let the tension out of your body, relaxing your shoulders.

When the brown noise finally faded out, you opened your eyes and looked at Leo, feeling a lot better than you had been only thirty minutes before.

“How are you feeling?” Leo asked, blowing out the candle.

“I feel really good, Leo. Thank you.”

“Of course.” He smiled, motioning you over. You crawled across the dojo floor and into his lap. Leo cradled you in his big, strong arms, leaning his cheek against your forehead. “You know, if you need to talk about anything, I’m always here. I don’t want you to have to carry everything on your own.”

“Thank you.” You kissed his cheek. “I really lucked out with you.”

He chuckled. “Really. Because here I was thinking I won the absolute lottery with you.”

You nudged him. “You’re a flirt.”

You could feel him smirk against you as he pressed a kiss to your forehead. “Well, is it working?”

“A little.”

Taglist: @thelaundrybitch, @turtle-babe83, @dilucsflame33, @happymoonangel

#leonardo x reader #leonardo #leo x reader #leo #bayverse #tmnt #tmnt imagine #tmnt aged up #tmntagedup

[erenyeagerssgf]

streamer!silver wolf as your gf

♡ characters: silver wolf

♡ contains: gn!reader, established relationship, fluff, hcs, not proofread

♡ a/n: this inspired me to write again after a long time. i love silver wolf sm and i don't see enough content for her, so here's my piece! requests are closed, but suggestions are welcomed!

silver wolf definitely lives in a house with blade & kafka

they are also probably content creators or something

kafka is kind of her manager because she could care less about pr and sponsors, she just wants to play games!

has a really cool set up (best equipment only) and room but it's messy

always looks for cheats/funny glitches in every game (she gets genuinely amused by it💀)

silver wolf definitely gets so invested with what she's doing that she forgets to eat & drink water when she streams

you've probably encouraged chat to make sure they remind her of water breaks & sometimes you come in with food you've made her

always chewing pink bubblegum tho

silver wolf's membership/special streams are her teaching viewers how to code

i feel like she makes song covers once in a blue moon

she has a nice voice and she knows it, it's just too much work to record the vocals, find an instrumental, and all that!

on another note, she makes u playlists <3

i hc she listens to punk music (punklorde duh) & hyperpop

oh and she def gets u guys matching items! a fur tail keychain (which she attaches to her belt most of the time) & scrunchies/hair accessories

back to streaming, silver wolf's a master at rhythm games (she eats proseka players up)

definitely on leaderboards

hasn't really considered entering a pro gaming tournament, but you encourage her because she's just so good!

silver wolf is a bit hesitant to have you on her streams, but when you are, she LOVES playing games with you

you guys coop stardew valley & are married in game for sure <3

just like she did to the trailblazer, she will force you to pull for characters you probably don't even want

lowkey encourages you to make bad decisions in game, you get so frustrated and she thinks it's sooo funny

she makes up for it though when you're offline

you'll find this really rare item and look at it like ??? when did i get this?

when silver wolf gets tired on stream, she cuddles herself up in the blanket you got her so she could be more comfy <3

her viewers thinks it's so cute omg

she definitely makes fun of the people in chat that are down bad for her, she only wants your affection🙄

as a joke her viewers probs make really "cringy" thirst trap video edits of her (sometimes with you) and she likes to react to them on stream

silver wolf is pretty expressionless most of the time, but she cracks a smile and a few chuckles at the edits, they're too amusing to not laugh at

you've probably saved some edits of her on your phone though👀

randomly goes through your phone one day & is like wtf??? there's a whole album of edits dedicated to me??

actually gets a bit flustered & cuddles with you later <3

omg yk how she likes to pinch cute things? she ALWAYS pinches your cheeks or other parts of your body

ugh i love her <3

unfortunately, i’m giving up the layout i had with the pictures. tumblr just won’t let me format my posts the way i want it to😔 enjoy!!

#💐.cutie #.hcs #hsr x reader #hsr x you #hsr x y/n #honkai star rail x reader #silver wolf x reader #silver wolf hsr #hsr headcanons #hsr hcs #silver wolf headcanons #silver wolf hcs #fluff #hsr fluff #honkai star rail fluff #silver wolf fluff

[cantstoptheimagines]

Reminders (Holland!Peter Parker | MCU)

Summary — Odd details of your life begin to merge into memories of the boy who lives next door.

Requested by @tokufan400 — Headcannon for Ned and MJ post NWH: Ned, MJ and the Reader somehow get their memories back of Peter. The Reader then says they are going to kill Peter once they find him before rushing off

Warnings & Other Tags ➳ Angst (amnesia, memory loss, deja vu, etc.); lovers to strangers to lovers again; takes place a few months after the events of No Way Home.

Notes ➳ Word Count is 911, including lyrics. ➳ Reader is gender neutral (they/them). ➳ The lyrics used in this work are from “Lover” by Taylor Swift.

FAQ | Masterlist | Fandoms | Requests | Coming Soon | Schedule 

Peter seemed nice enough.

He was a good neighbor, which sometimes seemed difficult to come across in the endless sea of people who lived in New York. The way he had introduced himself by helping you carry in some groceries endeared him to you rather quickly.

He was always inviting you out to lunch. Even if he knew you wouldn’t be available on a particular day, he still wanted to extend the offer. Not to mention, he was the one you could trust to take care of your cat if you had to leave for a few days. 

Despite him being kind, however, you’d occasionally catch a flash of sorrow in his eyes whenever he looked at you. It would quickly disappear once he realized you had noticed. Of course, you knew he had lost his aunt only a few months prior to meeting him, so you figured that must have been the reason and didn’t pry into the subject.

Peter, however, always sent feelings of deja vu throughout your mind. You were sure you hadn’t met him before. Maybe you just remembered passing by him on the street? Or meeting his eyes at one of the local bodegas? That must have been it, right?

It wasn’t until things started popping up around your apartment that waves of familiarity began to overwhelm your mind. And it all led back to Peter.

The first discovery was a photo of the two of you, specifically one you didn’t remember taking. It was tucked away in a desk drawer, hiding beneath an old chemistry assignment for who knows how long. 

Your eyebrows furrowed at the sight of it. Holding it delicately in your hands, your index finger traced over the image of Peter’s face. 

Even though the picture was blurry, as though the two of you were tumbling over while taking it, you could still make out the bright smile on his face. You were pressed against his side with one of his arms wrapped tightly around your shoulders. 

While you were looking at the camera with a wide smile, Peter’s eyes were on you. They had a certain twinkle to them that made him appear gentle and soft, much like the Peter you knew now. 

Within moments, the photo was framed and placed upon your nightstand. You admired it each night as you fell asleep.

You never brought it up to Peter. Perhaps the photo was a spur of the moment decision that you can’t recall making. With that rationalization set in your mind, you moved on.

Until you found a shirt that wasn’t yours. Digging through one of your drawers, you paused at the sight of it. It was an oversized, white t-shirt with a yellow taxi on the front, along with the words ‘I survived my trip to NYC’.

It was something a tourist would buy. Not you, who had lived in the city your whole life. You were left to wonder where it came from, but couldn’t come up with an answer. For some reason, however, you felt the need to fold it neatly on top of your nightstand, directly next to the photo of you and Peter.

You finally drew a line in the sand when it came to a song. It was one of your favorites, one that you had listened to who knows how many times before. But you had never listened to it around Peter. That you know of, at least. 

The two of you stood in your kitchen. Your cat is weaving between Peter’s legs, begging for attention, as he stands by the stove and stirs some pasta. You’re busy chopping up a few vegetables. Music is playing through a wireless speaker that sits on the kitchen table. 

You’re quietly listening as Peter tells you about his day. He went to the local bodega to get a sandwich after going for an afternoon run. After that, he had to do a few errands before coming back to his apartment so he could get ready for your weekly dinner-and-movie night. 

You offer an occasional hum to let him know you’re paying attention to what he’s saying. As he starts rambling about the movie he brought for the two of you to watch, the song echoing the speaker fades out and changes to a different one.

You blink at the opening rhythm, pausing in the repetitive motion of chopping the vegetables. Instead, your eyes drifted to Peter, who still had his back to you. His voice was slowly fading away as you gazed at him with furrowed eyebrows.

And there’s a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you, dear... Have I known you twenty seconds or twenty years?

The feeling of his skin against yours in times of uncontrollable love. Receiving a photograph as a gift after a date. His lips against yours beneath the glow of city lights. Sleepovers where he’s falling asleep in an oversized, white t-shirt that he inevitably forgets the next morning.

Dancing to these lyrics and this rhythm together in your kitchen nearly a year ago. And both of you deciding it was meant to be your song. 

These moments from your life are suddenly flooding your mind as you admire him. It’s a wave of realization, your remembrance of memories long lost.

Can I go where you go? Can we always be this close forever and ever? And ah, take me out, and take me home! You’re my, my, my, my—

“Peter.”

#2024 #mcu #mcu imagine #mcu imagines #mcu x reader #peter parker x reader #peter parker imagine #peter parker imagines #spiderman x reader #spiderman imagines #spiderman imagine #reminders #requested

[missnancywritesfanfic]

A Good Enough Place

Character: Wanderer(Scaramouche) x Reader

Contains: High-Functioning Depressed Reader, light angst/extreme comfort, self-indulgent, mentions of suicide/suicidal thoughts

A/N: I am at a low rn and need my darling man 💗 No, I did not edit

--

You'd learned about Wanderer through the akademiya, you're new to the institute and happened to work on a mutual project that went on for a number of months. He wasn't particularly mean, or arrogant as people say. Okay, maybe a little arrogant...but despite his blatant transparency, you found it refreshing. In fact, you had a similar effect on him as well.

His insults never seemed to phase you. He would call out your lax attitude, your weird unfiltered thoughts (few of them quite morbid), or even moments of laziness. You threw it right back at him, not bothering with surface level insults (those are for when you're both in a better mood), his contradictory behaviour is his most obvious trait.

For someone who despises humanity, he tolerated them, lived with them, even made something akin to friends with a few. It was cute. You empathized. You didn't have any particular love for humanity either, you're not sure when it happened but a barrier was set up between you and the rest of the world. Despite actively participating in the social circles of Sumeru, you couldn't help but feel alien.

He noticed it about you. The distant look in your eye whenever you were having a conversation, like you weren't present despite all your efforts. But just like always, you responded with a shrug and a smile, "Yeah, I guess I do that sometimes. Not sure why, feels comfortable."

Does it? Being so disconnected from reality?

He quickly picked up on how frequently it would occur. Sometimes, even outside of conversation, he'll catch you in your own little world. In a corner alone studying or having a walk and listening to music. Not quite your natural state, but getting closer, because once someone catches your attention the mask goes back on.

The day he found out about your condition, it was late when he was leaving the Akademiya grounds. He saw you completely alone near the railing. And you were completely still, a vacant look on your face.

He didn't feel the need to disturb your peace, until tears welled up in your eyes and you keeled over, hiding behind the railing the fetal position. Your once calm expression suddenly distorted into horror in and agony. You're suppressing the shiver in your body as you choke back a sob.

His body moves before he can process what's happening. He suddenly finds himself by your side, crouched down to your height, a hand on your back. You sniffle and try wiping your tears away, already trying to piece that facade back together.

"No no, I'm fine. No worries!" You choke out a laugh. "I was just admiring the view and thinking about how pretty everything looked, you know?"

You weren't lying. He knew you weren't. But that didn't stop the unease stirring in his chest. He led you someplace private so that you calm down, but it did take time until you.

Enough for him to make tea for the two of you. The entire time, after your breakdown, you were completely silent. Running a strategy in your mind on how you could convince him it wasn't what it looked like. He didn't need to worry or have any reason to believe you were less than functional.

Unfortunately for you, he didn't even give you a chance.

"I'm only going to ask once, and know that I'll never ask again if you try weasling your way out of this. What were you doing?"

"I already told you. It was nothing."

You didn't even hesitate. You looked him in the eye from across the table and he could clearly see, you were already trying to cut yourself from this conversation.

"You balling your eyes out isn't nothing. In fact, some would say that's not normal."

"I get emotional sometimes." You snap back. "Is it really that surprising?"

He doesn't respond. He takes a sip of his tea. You knew he didn't believe you for a second. This isn't working.

"What do you want me to say?"

This isn't working at all.

"I was just looking at the view. It was pretty and I was thinking, Hey how amazing would it be to be bird and fly!"

How ridiculous. The thought crossed both your minds. He silently watched as you suddenly became discontent with your own words. You scowl and cover your eyes, taking a deep breath and contemplating. You push your hair back, tears brimming as you struggled to speak.

"Then I just went somewhere else, one thought led to another, I realized how far the ground was from thar balcony...and I thought..."

Your lip quivers. You avert your eyes. You feel disgusted at the sense of relief that accomponied your words.

"How great would it be if I could be literally anything else but this right now..."

Ah. So that's it. He sets his cup back down, doing his best not to grip it too tight.

"So yeah, that's all it was. Congrats, you happy now?"

Were you expecting him to say yes? You scowled when he looked offended at your question, no matter how bitter it was. He took it to heart.

"You think I'd be happy at the prospect of you killing yourself? You must think quite lowly of me."

You opened your mouth to snap at him, but shut it just quickly. You both sit in silence. He leans on the table, tapping at the wood before sighing.

"Are you always like this?"

"Sometimes." You mumble. "When I'm not thinking about it...But when I do?" You chuckle, staring at your blurry reflection in your tea cup."It's very easy to believe that life's a lie, so am I, and maybe I should no longer participate."

You continue.

"I don't want to die. I'm just finding it progressively harder to convince myself otherwise. Even when deep down, I know I want to live."

He watches you slowly raise the cup to your mouth before giving up halfway and setting it back down. You couldn't stomach consuming anything right now.

"Do you mind not telling anybody about this? Last thing I wanna deal with is a bunch of counsellors and inspirational posters, it gets really annoying real quick."

"I don't see much of a reason to hide it. Not like the akademiya doesn't have it's fair share of scholars on the brink of ruin."

You shoot him a glare.

"Would you be comfortable with me airing out your dirty laundry? Or do you just get a kick out of hurting people you care about?"

"That implies I care about you."

You wordlessly eye the freshly made tea set before you both. Then you give him as questioning look, waiting for him to give an excuse as to why that isn't the case.

You weren't blind and neither was he. The Wanderer was not known to be this attentive to strangers, let alons acquantances. The only other exceptions were Kusanali and The Traveler.

"What a pain..." He groans and takes your untouched tea for himself. "Why not help you move past this?"

You raise an eyebrow. He casually sips your tea.

"You don't have a reason to live, right? We'll just have to find it. Who knows, maybe you have a use in this world. Uncovering that may help you start to feel purpose again."

"Fuck's sake, I don't want to be useful, I just want to be happy again. Is that really so much to ask?"

This is the first time he'd seen you truly angry. Even if it was for a split second, the ire you expressed was raw and undeniably intruiging. Why didn't you show this more? It couldn't possibly be so bad for you to exist in such an emotional state.

His eyes shift to his vision. It still let off a vibrant turquoise glow. A swirl of energy nestled deep inside, which he coveted dearly.

Not too long ago, he'd wanted nothing but to purge all the emotions he'd held onto for centuries. The agony his existence had brought him felt like some sick byproduct, and insisted it be shed away to become something worth greatness. Worth living.

As trivial as your troubles may seem, maybe it wasn't that different from his desire to be a true god. Or rather, there was no difference between his wish to Irminsul and your wish being expressed to him.

"You're asking the wrong guy. But I suppose I've yet to find any semblance of true peace, even with a purpose given to me."

You silently reach out and brush against his free hand. He doesn't stop you from tracing the joints of his hand. You were extremely delicate. A feather's touch and gentle look as you took in the details.

He was cold.

But you didn't have the strength to move away. You're so tired of the barrier between you and the rest of the world. You instead slide your hand fully into his.

"Do you think I'm being stupid?"

"All the time." He smiles. Barely. But it's there. "But does it really matter what I think? If you're the one walking the path?"

His words click in your mind. If you want happiness, focus on finding it, regardless of what others wish. He really didn't mind the thoughts plaguing you, he wasn't perfect with his words but you knew they were genuine. It made you feel a bit warmer inside.

Obviously, easier said than done but...having the reassurance. It helped.

"Guess not..." You squeeze his hand. "Could you be there with me? Just for a little while."

"I can't promise to be by your side forever. Eventually our paths may split apart. But I guess until then, I'll see what I can do.

You don't smile when he squeezes your hand back. You bite it back along with your tears.

"That's good enough."

#reader insert #genshin impact #fluff #genshin impact wanderer #genshin x reader #wanderer x reader #genshin #genshin impact scaramouche #scaramouche x reader #depressive episode #depression #comfort #angst #can be read as platonic or romantic