#so we both have a lot of formative memories of the same places

[thelesbododo]

This is a headcanon circulating around a sensitive topic and one that you may not agree with so if you don't want to read it please scroll.

This headcanon revolves around the character Osamu Dazai and the concept of sexual assault

I believe that Dazai was sexually assaulted as a child

This has nothing to do with Mori and takes place long before they even meet

While it is true we know little to nothing of BSD Dazai's past, it is also true that it is highly likely the Irl author and his No Longer Human counterpart was SA'd

There are two specific pieces of writing are evidence of this

"My true nature, however, was one diametrically opposed to the role of the mischievous imp. Already by that time I had been taught a lamentable thing by the maids and manservants; I was being corrupted. I now think that to perpetrate such a thing on a small child is the ugliest, vilest, cruelest crime a human being can commit. But I endured it. I even felt as if it enabled me to see one more particular aspect of human beings. I smiled in my weakness. If I had formed the habit of telling the truth I might perhaps have been able to confide unabashedly to my father or mother about the crime, but I could not fully understand even my own parents. To appeal for help to any human being - I could expect nothing from that expedient. Supposing I complained to my father or my mother, or to the police, the government - I wondered if in the end I would not be argued into silence by someone in good graces with the world, by the excuses of which the world approved.It is only too obvious that favoritism inevitably exists: it would have been useless to complain to human beings. So I said nothing of the truth. I felt I had no choice but to endure whatever came my way and go on playing the clown"

- No Longer Human

"I ceased being a child soon after entering grade school. It was then that my younger brother’s nurse taught me something that took my breath away. It was a beautiful summer day, and the grass by the vacant house out back had grown tall and dense. I must have been about seven, and my brother’s nurse could not have been more than thirteen or fourteen. My brother was three years younger than I, and the nurse shooed him off. She said, ‘Go get some leaf grass’ - that’s our word for clover back home. Then she added, ‘And make sure it’s got four leaves too.’ After he left, she put her arms around me and we started rolling around in the tall grass. Thereafter we would play our secret little game in the storehouse or in one of the closets."

- Memories

Both No Longer Human and Memories are semi-autobiographies, meaning they're somewhat based in truth

I can't speak from experience but SA has a big effect on the lives of the survivors

Some of thes effects include;

Sleeping or Eating disorders

Dazai canoniclly has issues sleeping and there are scenes that imply he has issues with and/or doesn't see the point in eating, at one point saying that it is "so much trouble"

Nightmares

There is a specific scene within one kf the light novels where Kunikida asks if Dazai has nightmares.

(Unfortunately I can't find the exact moment so I can't quote it so if anyone can find it please let me know)

Self-hatred

It might not be clearly stated that he hates himself but ay the same time its rather clear that he does

Suicidal thoughts or self-harm

He is a suicidal maniac

Riskier sexual behaviors such as having many partners

He canoniclly has had quite a lot of lovers

Substance abuse

The one scene we see of his apartment we see that there is more alcohol than furniture (it's also a popular hc that Dazai smokes which makes sense considering his past with the pm and that irl author smoked)

Another moment to mention was when he seduced the nurse (which technically counted as SA too but that's not the point of this)

I'm probably gonna end it here because it's late and I'm tired but anyone willing to add or correct anything please go ahead and I hoped you enjoyed my hc

#bsd #bungo stray dogs #bsd dazai #bungou stray dogs #dazai osamu #dazai #soukoku #dazai x chuuya #dazai headcanons #dazai hcs #dazai bsd #bungou stray dogs dazai #dazaibsd #osamu dazai #bsd headcanons #Bsd hcs #bsd thoughts #bsd analysis #bsd theory

[sassmill]

Hate that I’m having a huge fucking freak out after a really nice day

#we went to (town where my CSA happened and where my family that has disowned me for speaking up about it all live) #which was weird #but I kept trying to focus on the moment #going there for the first time as an adult with a group of women that I love who all support me unconditionally #we were having a great time #and I was reminiscing about the town with my boss because she grew up there #so we both have a lot of formative memories of the same places #but each time I would tell her of some happy childhood memory I also had this ugly nasty thing lurking behind it #like yes my family all live here and I don’t come visit them anymore because they’re defending my abuser #and have made it abundantly clear that I am not welcome or accepted or believed or respected #and I kept trying to shove that down we were having such a good time #and then it was also great because I got to spend the day with Woman I Have Feelings For #but her reaction to the birthday card I made her was not what I had hoped so I was overthinking things the second my day started #and then spending the day with her outside of work made those feelings bubble up real big #but we were in a place that I associate with my trauma and my last relationship ended really traumatically as well #so I had the combination all day of: #do not think about your CSA do not think about it do not think about how your entire family turned on you without question #do not think about how much you’re scared that she has been trying to subtly reject you and you’re embarrassing yourself by not taking a bin #don’t think about how if she does feel the same about you you can’t enjoy any intimacy ever #because of the CSA #and because of the last person you dated #and don’t think about how your body rebels and launches into a trauma response ar the very thought of intimacy #and don’t think about how you’re terrified that you’ll never be able to be intimate without panicking #and don’t think about how you tried to force yourself to be intimate with someone and ended up completely freezing going mute #being retraumatized in another way entirely #don’t think about how terrified you are of the fact that you cannot predict or control that trauma response #how even with your first girlfriend when you wanted to be intimate you would freeze up #and how she yelled at you that one time ‘you never let me touch you’ #so yeah lads I’m crying a little bit in the dark #googling ‘how to overcome trauma response during intimacy’

[doorhine]

Ok so I wanna talk about the guy we all know and hate, Abijah Fowler, because there are three scenes that do a fantastic job at characterizing him and speaking to the story’s themes.

*SPOILERS BELOW

The Chapel Scene: Fowler’s whole “prayer not prayer” is so interesting because he presents it as a business deal (which says a lot about how individualistic and apathetic he is). And honestly, that speaks really well to the use of christianity in imperialism, colonization and capitalism. If anyone here is familiar with Antoine Fuqua’s version of The Magnificent Seven (which is based on Seven Samurai), Bogue’s speech in the beginning of the film does a similar thing. In the case of Blue Eye Samurai, Fowler basically says, “we’re not friends but these people are ‘godless’ and if things go my way you’ll have a nation of souls to convert.” And I really liked that wording “a nation of souls” because it shows how imperialism and colonization, in the process of stealing other country’s natural resources, are, by design, meant to pose a threat to the entire culture and livelihood of the people that live there in order to do that. And a major way it’s done is through the spread enforcement of the colonizer’s religion over the ones of the people they invade. Which leads me to…

The Finale Monologue to the Shogun: because Fowler literally spells it out how the process of these systems, how white supremacy, is meant to twist and erase the culture and beliefs of those they invade to the point where they conform and assimilate to the invader’s culture and view them as superior. It also creates the idea of a white race in the first place that has its own ethnic and religious hierarchy that determines what the “best” kind of white is. I really liked the detail where he mentions spreading their shame because so much of white culture and its interpretation of christianity, whether or not it was the dominant form in its country of origin before being enforced on others, thrives on shame and enforcing that on other people (just look at the US). Lastly there’s…

The Famine Monologue: Something I really like about Fowler’s character is how he was written to be Irish rather than some posh English guy. It’s a nuance that adds a whole level of depth to his character and role in the story. Ireland was colonized by the English, which Fowler discusses when he mentions the Tudors. One of the ways that colonization was enforced was by replacing catholicism with protestantism. In this scene though, Fowler talks about the intentional famines that killed his parents and sister. It’s a graphic memory that shows how a victim of colonization will sometimes use the same tools used against them, to gain a sense of autonomy and control at the cost of other people’s livelihoods. This is compounded by the fact that Fowler is able to assimilate into the concept of a white race that was created to justify these systems and the oppression/exploitation of people of color that maintained them. Fowler is fictional but there were plenty of Irish people who took part in Britain’s colonization of other people one way or another. You’ll hear elements of Irish vernacular in places like Barbados for a reason to bring up a small example of the consequences of that. On a side note, this is also an interesting video on how the habitual “be” is used in both AAVE and Celtic languages. 

Long story short, Abijah Fowler is a very nuanced and well written villain.

#blue eye samurai #blue eye samurai spoilers

[sc0tters]

Little Flame | Quinn Hughes

summary: when the flames came to visit it brought back old memories, including why you hated quinn.

pairing: quinn hughes x andrei kuzmenko’s fuck buddy

trope: division rivals

warnings: sexual themes, p in v (unprotected), oral (fem receiving), degradation, slight choking, slight spit play? swearing.

word count: 6.51k

authors note: this was a long one so strap in! it’s hot and about time for us to all get our inner sluts out and we have @sweetestdesire to thank for helping get this one started! Kinda tried something different so let’s see if that paid off!

Quinn always seemed to dislike you.

From the moment you met him you were both constantly against each other. It all started during your time at UMich, you were both in the same class and from the moment you met you weren’t meant to get on.

Constantly arguing as you were forced into the same friend group, due to your position as the student physio on the hockey team. The two of you were at odds “you got a problem?” You scoffed furrowing your eyebrows as you felt him staring at you.

It was any standard Friday night with a party at one of the frats “just wondering where on the invite came the costume theme?” He joked gripping at the neck of his beer bottle.

You were in a sequin crop top with a denim skirt and cowgirl boots “you jealous I’m getting the only attention between the two of us?” You scoffed as he was in a basic tee and shorts.

The comment made him let out a dry laugh “I think you’re the only one who isn’t giving me attention.” It was no secret just how much most girls liked him, and that the only attention he got from you were threats of ramming your foot up his ass.

There was a gleam in his eyes “but here you still are stood in front of me so.” He trailed off letting a smirk form on his lips.

Your hands formed fists by your sides “in your dreams Hughes.” You grumbled ignoring how your cheeks went red when you pushed past him to leave “you wouldn’t as argumentative in those!” Quinn grunted watching you walk back to your friends.

The way your hands moved around made it clear that you were visibly angry “hey he’s probably leaving at the end of the season anyways.” One of your friends sighed as she placed a comforting hand in your shoulder wanting to comfort you.

That all took place over five years ago and you hadn’t seen Quinn since. Sure you heard all about his achievements and accomplishments as he made captain of the Canucks. But you were able to avoid him whenever it was possible that your paths would cross.

Working for the Flames left only a handful of occasions where you could have seen him and each time you managed to be the secondary physio leaving you inside the locker rooms “please do it for me?” Andrei whined as he pulled you into his lap after he heard that you tried getting secondary for the Canuck game again.

You pushed your lips into a fine line as placed your hands on his shoulders to steady yourself “I can make it worth your while.” He trailed off as he ran his fingers up your torso under your shirt “shouldn’t you always be doing that.” You teased holding back a smile as you grazed your lips over his pulling away from him the moment he leaned in for more like you were taunting him.

Andrei let his eyes sharpen into yours “you know I always play better when you are around the night before.” It was a new known thing between the two of you that since you started sleeping together the night before a game, Andrei started playing much better.

His efforts made you laugh “want to show you my old city.” He explained kissing your neck as he smiled looking up at you. You had been assigned as his tour guide when he was traded from the Canucks. It seemed like you both hit it off as the tour ended up in the back of his car and before you knew it, you were in his bed a lot.

It was sweet being with him but your favourite part was that you constantly had someone to fulfil your sexual needs. All it took was one message to Andrei and he was on his way to your place. There were never any labels on the relationship and that was what made it so easy.

Andrei kept his promise as he showed you parts of Vancouver that you never had the chance to see prior to the trip as you guys had a free afternoon. You had to admit that the trip was kind of fun. It was enjoyable being with him as he showed you the city he loved “and your good day isn’t over yet.” He teased you as he wrapped his hands around your shoulders.

It made a laugh leave your lips “careful on setting my expectations too high now.” You fiddled with his hat as you each had lousy disguises.

Before he had the chance to respond, something else caught his eyes “Quinn?” A gasp left Andrei’s lips as he stopped walking seeing someone in front of you two.

You froze fearing that it was the Quinn “hey Kuzy!” It was. Your body tensed as you physically cringed feeling Andrei leave your side to embrace his old teammates.

Quinn smirked as he saw your awkward effort to hide yourself. He knew it was you from the UMich cap you wore and how you hadn’t changed your hair since you saw him “Y/n?” He furrowed his eyebrows turning his attention to you.

Andrei was left confused “you never told me you knew him.” He pointed out as his eyes followed Quinn’s “not everyone from college needs to be spoken about.” You pointed out causing the American to place his hand on his chest.

The captain was quick to act offended “did our time on the team mean nothing to you for two years?” He did little to hide his smirk as your cheeks turned red “well then why don’t you join us for lunch?” Andrei looked to his watch to see that it was getting to time for lunch.

In that moment you swore you wanted to kill both boys “give you two time to catch up too.” He added as he remained oblivious to the death stare that you sent Quinn, wishing that daggers hit the boy.

Lunch felt painful as you were reminded of all of the reasons why you disliked Quinn so much “I need to go to the bathroom.” Andrei announced and you were close to following him as you didn’t want to be left alone with the Hughes boy.

You grew tired after biting your tongue so hard that it drew blood “I’ll be back soon.” The Russian laughed as he furrowed his eyebrows, he squeezed your shoulder before he left.

Quinn let his eyes watch his old teammates until he was out of his view “so how long have you two been sleeping together?” Quinn interlaced his fingers as he watched you sip at your drink.

A cough left your lips “that’s none of your business!” You gasped acting the same way your mom would if she had to hear about your sex life “c’mon he can’t be that disappointing that you now aren’t willing to share.” It reminded you of the time that he walked in a girls night that involved his girlfriend.

You girls had been talking about your worst experiences with guys and of course you had the worst luck as Quinn got to walk in and hear the entire story about the football players that couldn’t even get you to reach your high. The boy constantly reminded you of it up until he left.

It made you scoff “not surprising to see that not all of us grew up after college.” You snapped squeezing your straw between your fingers “thought someone would have fucked you into being not this uptight but here we are.” He matched your tone as he mirrored your glare.

As you saw Andrei come back into your sights all you could do was deliver a quick kick to Quinn’s shin “ahh!” He winced reached down to massage his leg as he sent you a glare “you two good?” Poor Andrei still remained oblivious to what had gone on.

For the first time that day you didn’t need to force a smile onto your lips as you nodded “so great.” You let your foot run up Quinn leg as a reminder of what you could do the other “perfect.” Quinn gritted the words out still making sure to glare at you along the way.

Hours had passed as the night air was cold over Vancouver when you stared out of your hotel window struggling to avoid the image of Quinn. It brought up all of those memories of the arguments you two had and how he knew exactly how to get under your skin in ways that made you squirm. It clogged your mind to the point where you told Andrei that you were sick.

The white lie came from the fact that you couldn’t let yourself drop to your knees for a guy when someone else was on your mind.

You were confused as you heard the sound of music echo in your ears “hi pretty girl.” His words were soft in your ears “hi-Quinn?” You pulled your attention to him as your eyes went wide.

He cupped your cheeks as he dropped his head to kiss your lips “fucking hell.” He mumbled running his fingers down your body as you were in your lacy slip that you had slept in.

His hands pushed you back onto your bed “just want to make you feel good.” The hockey player explained as he helped you spread your legs “mhm Quinn.” You moaned feeling him kiss at your thighs.

Like a cold shower in the winter, your alarm practically hit you as your torso shot out of bed. You ripped the sheets off of you as your eyes went wide “fuck!” You groaned realizing that you had just had a dream about Quinn “Y/n are you okay?” Andrei’s voice came from your door as he knocked.

You were quick to panic as you hit snooze on your alarm and ran to the door “hey.” You made the effort to hide yourself behind your door “just thought I would let you know that you’re gonna be late for breakfast.” Andrei explained as he held out a togo cup of coffee.

The gesture made you smile “thanks Drei.” You tipped the coffee as a thank you “I should get dressed then.” It quickly became apparent that you needed to get a move on after sleeping through your alarm.

He watched you shut your door before he had the chance to utter another word “someone is acting weird.” Andrei mumbled to himself as he walked back to the team.

It seemed like al of your attention was crowded by the Hughes boy as you even struggled to do your job. Constantly avoiding parts of the Rogers Arena that you were concerned about seeing him in. But that only got you so far as the time came for you to finally sit by the bench.

Quinn’s eyes were already on you as you sat down “hi.” He mouthed with a smirk as he watched you freeze. Elias watched his line of sight following it you. The Swede laughed as he knocked Quinn off of his feet leaving the blonde to send you a wink.

The game had been chaotic but the Canucks barely edged the Flames, with the captain scoring the OT winning goal. Fans cheered as the stadium roared leaving the Fames players heartbroken. You sent Andrei a frown as he walked over to you post game.

You were stood in the locker area “I am sorry.” You apologized as he hugged you letting his head fall onto your shoulder “I didn’t think it would hurt so much to lose to them.” He felt stupid letting the confession leave his lips.

But even still you wanted to comfort him “you played really well though.” You confessed pressing a kiss to his temple as your fingers ran through his hair. A cough came from behind you both causing you to drop his arms.

Quinn stood there as he scratched the back of his neck “I wanted to say bye before you left.” He explained locking his eyes with yours “I am gonna leave you two to it.” Andrei nodded leaving you alone with Quinn once more.

The boy towered over you as he watched you cringe stood there in silence “you are looking really good.” He confessed with a soft smile “what is it that you are playing at?” You snapped as you clenched your fists.

He furrowed his eyebrows as he watched your little outburst “Jesus I was just trying to be nice!” He groaned pulling you into a corner hall as he didn’t want everyone to have to hear it go down.

Your hands tugged at your hair as you were visibly agitated feeling like if you were a cartoon you’d have smoke oozing from your ears “why?” You scoffed as you pushed your lips into a fine line “you’ve been nothing but insufferable the entire time I knew you.’ Your finger pushed into his chest as you cocked your head.

Those words made him roll his eyes “you know, Kuzy is gonna wake up one day and see that you’re just as much of a pain in my ass, as you are everyone else’s.” The dig was sharp as venom rolled off of his tongue “fuck you Hughes.” You spat as you pushed past him leaving the boy alone to process what had happened.

You were still somehow so angry as you got back to the hotel. Silently fearing that there was no real cure to help you calm down “he’s such a fucking ass.” You grumbled as you shook your head, even as your feet brought you to Andrei’s door.

Before you knew what you were doing you knocked at dark wood “hey?” Andrei smiled answering the door in nothing more than his grey sweatpants “I need to ask you for a favour.” You began causing him to nod as he motioned to you to come in.

Your palms were sweaty as you looked for apartment 227. The crumpled napkin was in your hands with his address scribbled out on it after Andrei thought you were in a rush. You might as well have been on your seventh cup of coffee as nerves ran through your body.

Practically bouncing off of the walls as you found his door. You stopped to take a breath as you brought your hand up to knock at the door.

But instead you were beat to it as the door whipped open leaving you faced with his bare chest “Jesus what is it with you men and opening your doors shirtless?” You groaned as you sent him a loom of disgust “I’m sorry?” Quinn didn’t know what else to say as he grabbed his hoodie from the rack next to his door.

You shook your head seeing him stare you down as he pulled the hood off of his head “now can tell me why you are at my door?” The hockey player trailed off reminding you why you were there “you are such an asshole!” You scoffed pushing into the apartment.

It was an open planned space that screamed decorated by a man in his twenties “I think you’ve told me that more than once before.” Quinn pointed out as he crossed his arms letting the door shut behind him.

His comment only irritated you more “you just make me so angry.” You squeezed your hands together trying to remain calm “but somehow I can’t get you out of my mind.” You rambled on only stopping when he laughed.

Your head snapped to stare him down “never would have thought you would have a crush on me.” Quinn smirked as he ran his fingers through his hair as you scoffed “always knew you had a soft spot f’me.” The boy walked over to you.

He watched your face scrunch in disgust “i knew that this was a mistake.” You sighed going to leave him alone for the second time that night.

But Quinn had other ideas as he wrapped his hand around your wrist just as you walked past him “god you are insufferable.” Quinn rolled his eyes pulling you closer to him. He didn’t give you a chance to respond as he cupped your cheek.

His lips were rough against yours making you take a second before you responded. Bringing your hands to his waist “fuck.” He muttered acknowledging the taste of your cherry lipgloss as it made him go lightheaded.

If someone didn’t know any better they would say that you two had done this before as your hands moved in unison like clockwork “jump.” Quinn didn’t want to let your lips leave his for long as you listened feeling his hands cup your ass.

Helping you lift your legs up as you interlocked your ankles behind him wrapping your hands around his neck before you let your teeth sink down at his lower lip. It made him hiss out in that fine line between pain and pleasure.

You didn’t know when you two started walking but before you knew it you in a room as you heard the door creak shortly before your back hit a mattress. Quinn looked at the sight of you lying there in all of your flames gear. He took the moment to take you in before he smiled settling himself on the edge of his bed in his knees “I think it is sweet you went through all of this trouble to get my attention.” He mumbled pissing you off once more as you went to chew him out but instead he placed his finger on your lips.

Your eyes pushed into a glare “I can still leave y’know?” You knew you weren’t in any positions to be making demands but somehow that didn’t stop you from mouthing off.

A dry laugh fell from his lips “then what was the whole point of coming all this way?” He clicked his tongue practically hanging the bait in front of you “because I think you came so that someone could properly fuck you.” The boy added making you gulp.

The new found silence showed him that he was on the right track as you nodded “now you do not know how excited I am to get you out of this.” He mum urged the words to himself with some level of distaste as he locked eyes with the Flames emblem that was printed onto your leggings.

As his fingers hooked into the waistband of them he couldn’t help but plot all of the possible ways he could burn them “then hurry up.” You whined taking him by surprise as you reminded him that you wanted this just as much as he truly did “since you asked so nicely.” Quinn teased helping you kick your shoes off before he pulled your leggings off as well.

The sight of your lacey white panties was going to be imprinted in his mind forever “fucking hell Rocky.” He gave you the nickname in your freshman year after you punched him.

It was something he fully knew he deserved at the time which is why he was able to find the humor in your ability to give him a black eye “you been thinking about me a lot or something?” The comment originally came off as a tease but as he watched the colour drain from your face he realised that he was actually right.

This time a laugh in actual amusement left his lips “so what am I doing during this?” Quinn enquired as he let his hands massage soft circles into the inner parts of your thighs “you were.” You trailed off struggling to find the words to tell him.

He caught his lower lip between his teeth trying to stop himself from smiling “c’mon pretty girl I know you can get your words out f’me.” The boy began wanting to hurry you along as he felt his cock throb in his pants “if I’m gonna be left in the fucking quiet I will leave you here.” Quinn warned letting his hands softly hit your thigh.

Your eyes went wide considering that his threat was serious “I don’t know because it was a dream that I fucking woke up from!” You yelled watching him freeze causing embarrassment to run through your veins.

Your back lifted from his mattress as you went to apologise “look Quinn maybe-” you weren’t given the chance to say much more as his lips caught yours again.

Sucking the air from your lips as he let his hand claw at the fabric of your polo keeping you close to him “that’s fucking hot that you been dreaming about me.” He couldn’t hide how this made his ego float “what did you want me to do?” He asked licking his lips as he let his hand drop to your panties.

His fingers grazed over your clothed clit “fuck Quinn.” You let out a grunt as your thighs squirmed “say the words and I’ll do it.” He nodded not ready to take no as an answer.

You swallowed hard at the sensations “use your tongue.” You confessed making him smirk “lay back down then.” His voice was soft as you listened lying flat on your back.

Quinn hooked his fingers into the waistband of your panties pulling them down the length of your legs “fuck you’re soaked.” He mewled at the sight of your glistening cunt “please.” You cried out finally making the boy nod as he gave you what you wanted.

His lips pecked at the insides of your thighs making sure that he divided his attention between both parts equally “you smell so sweet.” The boy confessed letting his face settle millimetres from your core.

He saw how your eyes studied his, watching him place a kiss on her clit “so responsive too.” A smirk formed on his lips when latched his lips around the sensitive bud.

You pushed your chest into the air as your back arched “fucking hell.” You whined bringing your hand to his hair as you tugged at his brown locks.

It acted like encouragement for him as he wrapped his arms around your thighs keeping you close to him as you tried to grind your cunt against his face. Quinn dropped his tongue to your core letting his tongue lay flat as he thrusted it into you.

The feeling made you squirm as you clenched around him when his nose grazed your clit “god you’re good at this.” You moaned lifting your legs to rest your heels on his shoulder blades “who would have thought all I would need to do was fuck you to get you to behave.” Quinn was amused as his words sent shivers through your body.

If you weren’t in this sensual state, you would have snapped at him “don’t stop.” You begged feeling his tongue lap at you like a starved man. He watched your free hand run up your shirt letting your bra go free.

He grinded his hips against the duvet beneath him swearing that he was going to ruin his sheets before he even got a chance to fuck you “Quinn.” Your voice sounded like honey as your face scrunched up in pleasure “you wanna cum pretty girl?” His question made you whimper as his thumb grazed over your clit in these tight circular motions.

The room grew hot as your lips remained screwed shut “need you to tell me-” the Hughes boy couldn’t get his threat out before you cut him off “please let me cum all over your tongue.” You begged making him nod as he let his mouth replace his fingers where it only then took him a few minor thrusts of his tongue to have you chanting his name out in pleasure.

Your legs shook as you struggled to keep them open trying not to crush the captains head as he continued to lap at your release sending you into a state of mind fog. Your body began to tense again and that was when you found the strength to pull Quinn off of you “you taste so fucking sweet.” He groaned kissing you again as if he hadn’t seen his lover in years.

The taste of your release was salty on his tongue and it made you moan as it mixed with your spit “off.” He mumbled tugging at your shirt.

You pulled away as you shook your head “‘s not fair you’re still fully clothed.” You complained making him smirk “if you wanted to see me again all you had to do was ask.” Within seconds his hoodie was off and was added to the pile of clothing that by the foot of his bed.

See his bare chest again filled you with this soft sense of confidence. So as you took a deep breath watching him begin to undo his pants you finally pulled your polo off of your body, leaving you in nothing but your white bra “if I knew you had a body like this under your clothes I would have been nicer.” Quinn let the words slip from his lips.

It made you scoff as you sent him a glare “doesn’t mean you would have been able to fuck me.” You snapped trying your best to let your eyes not drop to the bulge in his boxers.

A laugh roared from his lips “there’s the brat I knew you still had in ya.” It took him little strength to pull you to your feet “so now I’m gonna fuck you like a slut.” His hand pinched at your jaw making you whimper in response.

His eyes scanned yours to see if you were scared but instead all he saw was lust “but that’s probably what you wanted.” Quinn chirped making you softly nod “well sluts get fucked against the wall.” He motioned to where his wall mirror was making you unclip your bra before you walked to it.

You watched in the reflection how he stared back at you taking in the sight of how your naked body looked, from your perky breasts to your lower lip that you chewed at in anticipation. Quinn was calculated as he kicked his boxers off “condom?” He asked as he was prepared to grab one from his drawer.

Your head shook “on the pill.” You explained making him wonder just how many times that you let Andrei fuck you raw.

But for how the captain let his thoughts fall to the back of his mind when he saw you spread your legs “look at you so desperate for a good fuck.” Quinn smirked as he taunted you “even after you already came.” His words barely reached a whisper.

His hand gripped at his aching cock as he slotted between your legs. Dragging the head of his cock over your slit as he began to tease your cunt. His precum spread over your clit bringing a moan from your lips as your hands lay flat against the wall.

The boy watched you in awe “such a good girl getting ready f’me.” He cooed brushing your hair to the side “fuck your cunt is heaven.” Quinn let out a grunt as he thrusted his cock into your core as his hips lay flat against yours.

His lips nipped at your neck as he settled into his position “please move.” You begged clenching around his cock “and you’re gonna leave a mark!” You complained making him glare at you.

He scoffed bringing his hand to slap at your ass “you think I fucking give a shit?” Quinn laughed as his hips snapped into yours as he began to fuck you at a pace that was painful “answer me you slut!” He spat making you wince.

Your head dropped as your breasts bounced with each thrust of his cock “n-no.” You shook your head feeling tears form in your eyes “then I’m gonna use you how I want okay.” His words weren’t even in the form of a question as he let his hands punch at your hips.

The sound of skin slapping against each other was ringing in your ears “sorry.” Your words were soft as he nipped at your skin “wanna say that a little louder f’me?” Quinn teased seeing your legs begin to shake.

He made sure to keep you upright before you fell “if you aren’t gonna be a brat then I need you to answer me.” His hand gripped at your hair tugging your head upright “I’m sorry!” You moaned feeling your head rest against his shoulder.

It made him smirk as felt you clench around his cock “f’what?” He asked bringing his hand over to your clit letting his fingers rub at your sensitive nub “for being a brat.” You sputtered out the words making him internally cheer for you finally listening to him.

He watched your eyes flutter “just a brat?” He taunted making you squirm “and a slut f’you.” You added letting the tears stream down your face as you felt yourself growing closer to your orgasm.

Quinn let his chin rest on your shoulder “be a good girl for me and watch my dick fuck your pussy.” You nodded at his order watching how your cunt swallowed his cock with each thrust before he would pull away letting the cream of your first orgasm look like a ring around his cock “I’m gonna-” your eyes began to roll back into your sockets.

It made him nod as your cunt clenched around him “think you need to beg for this one.” His voice was soft in your ear as he sucked at your lobe.

The feeling of his cock inside of you as it throbbed made you desperate “wanna make a mess on your cock so bad!” You begged trying to use your hands to keep you up “go make a mess pretty girl.” With that your head rested on his shoulder as your cunt clamped around his cock.

Chants of his name spewed from your lips helping to push him over the edge “milk my cock doll.” Quinn cooed softly shuddering at how your cunt sucked him dry “there we go.” His voice was soft as he let his limp cock slide out of you “holy fuck.” You gasped turning around to kiss him “you’re so gorgeous.” Quinn mumbled as he let his thumbs graze over your nipples.

The room was hot as his hands were all over you like he was scared he’d lose you if he let you go. You pushed him back to the bed letting him sit on the mattress “is my little slut still not satisfied?” Quinn smirked running his hand over your stomach “still not full of my cum?” He added making you whimper as you went to cover your face.

He stopped you as he clicked his tongue “all you gotta do is ask me nicely.” The captain brought his hands to your cheeks pulling your face up to stare at his “make me cum again Quinny?” You begged as he pecked at your lips.

It was softer as he spun you two around laying you down on the bed “I get to see you this time doll.” His words were innocent as he pumped his cock a few times to get you hard all over again “you’re such a pretty girl.” His body hovered over yours as his chain rested on your chin.

This time it was easier for him to thrust into her as their releases acted like the perfect lube for you both “still just as perfect.” He laughed feeling your legs wrap around him “you are such a gorgeous girl.” Quinn mumbled as he kissed you.

The two of you practically moulded into each other “mhm Quinn.” You moaned feeling his pelvis against your clit “like the sound of my name on your tongue.” The Hughes boy smiled as your hands went to claw at his back.

He couldn’t help but notice the little Daisy necklace you had resting on your collarbone and it made him wonder just how many times must Kuzy have seen it before when you were under him “did he fuck you like this?” Quinn let the question come out with little thought before his eyes went wide.

Your silence made him scoff “so he fucks you better than me?” He clicked his tongue as he shook his head “just when I thought you were done being a brat.” Quinn spat as he picked up his pace again.

Cries echoed from your lips “you fuck me better!” You announced making him smirk “couldn’t hear ya princess.” He did it to tease you expecting some kind of push back from you.

But instead you just glared “could get off alone.” You grumbled making him stop his cock was half way inside of you as he stared down at you “you really think you could made yourself feel better than I do?” Quinn let his hand wrap around your throat.

You brought your hand up to wrap around his as you softly nodded “so you aren’t a cumslut feeling me in here.” His free hand pressed against your stomach as he could feel his cock hit your g-spot with each thrust “s-so full.” You whimpered feeling your breasts bounce with each creek of his bed.

The boy let his mouth drop to your breasts “fuck Quinn!” You kicked your legs as you felt your head go light with the new amount of pleasure you felt.

It had you whimpering as he divided his attention as well as he thought he could with his fingers rolling the nipple into a peak “not such a mouthy girl anymore now are ya?” His words were barely audible as he didn’t lift his lips from your nipple.

You cried as you shook your head “please let me cum.” You pleaded feeling your eyes begin to flutter “open your mouth f’me.” He pulled his attention away from your nipples as he looked at you.

Your mouth was centimetres away from his as you followed his instructions letting your tongue roll out of your mouth “now keep it like this until I cum okay?” He asked letting his saliva push out of his mouth in this line of spit only breaking once it landed on your tongue.

He watched your lips shut as smirked “you’re such a pretty fucking girl.” Quinn confessed letting your one leg go over his shoulder so that he could fuck you an entirely different angle “you keep clenching like that and I’m gonna cum.” He warned making you nod.

His fingers around your throat made you drive your hips towards his “I’m gonna cum.” You announced kissing his lips as your legs shook from his sides “let the floor know how good I make you feel.” He placed a closed mouth kiss to your lips as you finally watched your face scrunch up.

Your mouth fell open “don’t stop fucking me Quinn!” You begged feeling your body writhe against him. He watched pleasure wash over you as you came.

Quinn was close to you as he fucked you through your orgasm “there we go.” He gritted out coating your cunt for the second time of the night with his release “holy fuck.” The boy looked down to see that your release had soaked his bed.

You looked down to see what he was talking about “I’m so fucking sorry.” You went to apologise but he shook his head “that’s was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.” He confessed with a smile.

He watched your redden cheeks calm down “did you know you could do that?” The boy asked as you sat up to look at him “n-no.” You shook your head pushing your hair out of your face.

Quinn watched you stare down at where your mess was “hey.” He frowned hooking his fingers under your jaw “why don’t we get you into the bath?” Quinn’s offer was innocent and even as you knew you needed to go back to the hotel, you couldn’t say no.

And that’s how you landed up with your hair in a bun sat in his bath. Ellen had left bath salts and bubbles under his sink and that’s how you landed up smelling like roses “you okay?” Quinn asked watching you stare at him.

You smiled as you held your hand over the bubbles “come in here.” You mumbled motioning to him to join.

He got off of the edge of the tub going to sit across from you “want you here.” You explained pointing behind you “can’t say no when you look at me like that.” Quinn sighed as he motioned to you to shift over.

The water sloshed around your body as you leaned forward “you feeling better?” He cocked his head as he wrapped his hands around your waist.

His lips kissed at your shoulder feeling the softness of your skin against his lips “so much better.” You nodded laying your head on his shoulder “wait Quinny.” You spoke up as you looked up at him.

You were quick to decide that it was easier to turn around to look at him “I don’t think you’re a total pain in the ass.” You confessed making him smile “I don’t think you are one either.” This was the first time you two had a normal conversation where you guys were making actual grounds worth of progress.

Quinn didn’t want to ruin the moment but he dropped his head to kiss your lips. You straddled him in response as you melted into the kiss. Your hips grinded against his making his cock grow hard all over again “you happy to see me or?” You teased smiling as your forehead rested against his.

The boy shook his head “I’m sorry, we don’t have to.” He watched as your hand dropped below the water “I want to.” You confessed with a smile.

Your hand gripped at his cock pumping it a few times “you like that don’t ya?” You teased letting your grin remain evident “you fucking tease me and I’ll make sure you never squirt again.” Quinn warned showing you that he was being serious.

A giggle left your lips as you sunk down on his cock “never the fun one are ya?” You settled into a slow rhythm letting your hips brush against his “you and I know that I am plenty fun.” Quinn rolled eyes as he used his energy to pick you up and push you to the other side of the bath letting water slosh around you both.

So maybe things were always going to be a competitions between you two. But one thing that you both knew for sure was that nights in Vancouver or Calgary weren’t going to be spent in hotel rooms. They would be spent in each others arms desperate to not let this dream end.

#quinn hughes smut #quinn Hughes imagines #quinn hughes oneshot #quinn hughes x y/n #quinn hughes x reader #nhl smut #nhl imagines #nhl oneshots #hockey smut #hockey imagines #hockey oneshots #amber writes fics

[ceruleancattail]

Ok we all know the horror of being trapped in Malleus’s handcrafted world. Sure, it’s terrifying when you remember who you were, but what if you didn’t?

What if that was all you ever knew?

TW: Yandere

Your day starts with the birds singing, from the castle’s windows. The same old song, over and over again.

Oh, will they ever sing a different tune?

Opening your eyes slowly, you blink away the last remains of sleepiness from your body. Sliding out of your finely woven blankets of linen and cotton, your feet sink into the plush of an emerald green carpet.

Soft. Like most things in your room were.

A comfortable place, everything gentle to the touch. From pillows that feel like clouds under your head to clothes to the thick carpet lining every inch of your room, to the elegant clothes that adorn your form perfectly, everything was perfect. As if it was specially tailored for you.

After you cleansed yourself in the rather lavishly decorated bathroom, your hands fumbled around in your wardrobe. Closing around a set of clothes that were your favourite colours. They fit you like a glove, the material somehow both warm and breathable at the very same time. How odd… but then again, you didn’t think about it much. It just was how things were.

Nothing was ever too hot nor too cold. Nothing could ever hurt you here. It’s almost like a dream, honestly…

Slipping on your shoes, you threw open the door to your room. Only to smack it straight into someone’s face. You heard a thud, followed by a dull grunt. Muttering your apologies, you peek around the other side of the door sheepishly. Only to meet with the mesmerising emerald eyes of the master of this castle, Malleus Draconia.

Or as you like to call him, Hornton. A privilege granted to you by him himself, on the account of being old friends. Both of you had met, a long time ago. To be completely honest, you don’t remember a lot of the details. How did you two meet again?

Oh well. That doesn’t matter right now. You immediately rush out, hands cupping his face as gently as you could. Tilting his head from the left to the right, looking at him in concern. Apologises and worry fusing together in stammers and stutters.

Stunned, all Malleus could do was to stand stock still and stare. Before he broke into laughter, chuckling softly. He leans down a little, allowing you easier access to his face. As you’re fussing over him, Malleus’s eyes are flickering over your face. Observing every little detail, analysing you like a fine piece of art.

There’s something embarrassing about being looked at so closely, especially by someone as beautiful as he was. Your gaze drops to the ground as you release him from your prying hands. Yet at that very instant, Malleus’ hands fly towards your wrists, clutching at them.

His grip is tight, bruising even. He grips firmly, until your wrist is pressed sore. You feel him trembling ever so slightly, nails digging against your skin. Holding you so tightly, like a petulant child, determined not to let go of his favourite toy.

You glance upwards, only to see Malleus’s face frozen, his lips curled back into a fine line. Worry carves its mark onto his face, along with something a little more… darker. A steely glare, as a king would give his subjects.

The stern gaze a master would give to their puppet.

You attempt to yank your hand back, yelping as his grip only grows tighter. Through gritted teeth, you hiss out:

“You’re hurting me, Malleus.”

Those words seem to snap him back to his senses. He loosens up his grip on your hand, rubbing the bruises forming absentmindedly with his thumb. Yet Malleus doesn’t let go.

“I’m sorry, child of man. I worry for… you, sometimes. Especially with your memory hazy…”

Malleus pauses, deep in thought. Before those startlingly green eyes snap right back upwards, staring deep into your own.

“Have you remembered anything?”

You shrug the best you could, before sighing.

“If I did, I would have told you, wouldn’t I?”

Malleus spoke softly, muttering to himself more than anything:

“Yes. Yes you would have.”

A sigh floats off his lips then, a gentle sound. Perhaps it was meant to be a sympathetic sound, filled with Malleus’s pity for you… although you couldn’t help but detect a sense of relief within that sound. As if he was happy you didn’t remember anything.

How odd, but then again, this was Malleus. Would he really ever do anything to hurt you? Both of you go way back after all…. Actually, how did you two meet again? You vaguely remember him in a… school uniform. Green, like those beautiful eyes of his.

Frowning, you squint at Malleus, trying to picture him in a school uniform. It was a rather weird fit, for one as regal as he was. Yet it felt… familiar. Like something natural to you. Raising a hand, you cup his cheek tenderly, gently.

Before whispering to him softly:

“Hey, Malleus? Where did we meet again?”

He blinks at you, before you felt a pair of arms snake around your waist. Coaxing you closer towards his chest, wrapped up in his embrace. A loving gesture, reserved for those experiencing the tender pangs of romance.

“What are you even talking about, darling? We were always together.”

“Didn’t we meet at college, though?”

At those words , his grip turns to stone, keeping you firmly locked within his arms. What was once a tender, loving embrace becoming smothering, imprisoning, overbearing. You were locked in Malleus’s arms, with no escape.

Malleus sighs once more, looking at you as if… you disappointed him somehow. Out of the corner of your eyes, you see green sparks flare to life, forked tongues of flame hissing and spitting at everything they could reach.

“I think you haven’t had enough sleep yet, child of man. Perhaps a little nap would do you good.”

You grimace, before retorting:

“I’m good, Malleus, I just woke up. Don’t you remember?”

Yet that doesn’t stop Malleus from pressing a hand into your eyelids, coaxing them down gently. He coos at you, muttering sweet nothings into your ear until all the fight leaves your soul, and you start feeling awfully, terribly sleepy.

The last things you hear are Malleus’ soft chuckles, before the world turns to black.

“Rest well, my love.”

Your day starts with the birds singing, from the castle’s windows. The same old song, over and over again.

Oh, will they ever sing a different tune?

#twisted wonderland #twst #disney twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #yandere twisted wonderland #yandere twst #malleus draconia #malleus x reader #malleus draconia x reader #malleus #yandere malleus #yandere malleus draconia #yandere malleus draconia x reader #yandere malleus x reader #protection potion♦️

[imamotherfuckingstar-lord]

imagine coming to save Ace

A heaviness shuddered across Ace’s shoulders as tears formed in his eyes; all he ever wanted to do was unburden those he loved the most. Even if it meant in his death, naturally he would accept that. Yet all he could think of was his brothers. How proud of Luffy he was and how comforting it felt to know he would see Sabo soon. Then behind those thoughts, those wonderful memories, there you stood with a warm smile and a hand held out for him. As you always did.

He’d miss that that most. Rendezvous between islands and adventures to play catch up, to indulge in a something romantical that both of you would laugh off later. It was silly – two pirates from different crews but it worked anyways.

He’d miss you so much, would you miss him?

“I would.”

Ace chuckled at his own insanity because now he was hearing voices – your voice. Crumbling into laughter, he stilled when he felt a warm touch on his bare shoulder. He had taken to looking away from the fight down below in the name of saving his life. He couldn’t bear to see people put their lives on the line for him, especially his little brother. Of course, the thought of your appearance crossed his mind, and he hoped you knew better than to not stay away. If he was going to die, he didn’t want you to witness it.

“You’re not dying today, Ace. There’s a lot of people down there fighting, so you must do the same.”

He stared up at the figure looming over him; a dark shadow until the a few clouds moved and his eyes squinted in the sun. Blinking a few times, the owner of the voice appeared before him, and a sense of dread filled his eyes. “You shouldn’t be here.”

“No one, not even you, gets to tell me where I can and can not go.” You kneeled before him and that’s when he noticed the stillness down below. The fight seemed to halt in place, and he realized you were overexerting your powers.

“Nope. I just enhanced,” you smiled at Ace as you worked to release him from his shackles. “I know we haven’t seen each other in a few months, but I’ve been working really hard. I can do more than mind read and slow things down for just seconds.”

Ace studied your face, eyes focused as you freed his wrists, and he felt his heart shake. The entire ground shook under him as he realized something he had feared for so long – he was in love with you and he did not want to die. At least not today and not until he got decades with you. The thought made you smile, and you reached for his face, thumb caressing his cheek.

“I’d like that too, but we need to fight for that.” Ace inhaled deeply and quickly pulled you against his body, he held you tight and laid a kiss under your earlobe.

“Okay,” he whispered into your ear, breath hot on your skin. “Let’s fight. Then we can go away.”

An image of a humble home on a small island, looking out to the sea. A few fruit trees and a child sprinting around the grass. It was definitely a life worth fighting for and you kissed Ace so hard on the mouth he stumbled back with laughter. He looked like himself once more and you knew he was ready to fight. You watched as he stood up and held out a hand to you, a wild look in his eyes.

A look of a man so determined to live.

Taking his hand, you stood on your feet and looked down on the frozen fight.

“I guess you get to meet my little brother today.”

“I already have, who do you think sent word to me?”

The thought of Luffy doing all this for him brought tears to Ace’s eyes and you reached down for his hand, giving it a squeeze. He glanced over at you and wondered if he was worth all this trouble. People will lose their lives today for him…

“Life is worth fighting for and you don’t get a say in how we all feel about you. So, buck up, Ace. I suspect it’s going to be a long fight.”

“I love you,” he whispered, hearting pounding from the anticipation until you slipped your hand from his and held it forward. He watched as you flicked your wrist and time seemed to continue as it did, the fighting grew louder, and you smiled at him.

“I love you too.”

#one piece #ace x reader #portgas ace x reader #portgas d ace

[actual-changeling]

It was actually rather hard to decide how to begin this meta post because there are essentially going to be two main parts: why Crowley does not actually avoid/run from his problems and why "going off" is not a bad thing regardless.

Then I wrote the first part and realised this is now 2.5k words long, so uhhhh I will grant part 2 its own post.

With that, welcome back to Alex's today-not-unhinged meta corner!

I am going to approach this topic from a psychological angle, which a lot of people have already done, but without explicitly mentioning it or going into depth. All my information comes from personal experience, research, my therapist, and my psychiatrist, just so you know I am not making shit up. I actually dug up some resources my therapist gave me a while ago.

Generally, there are four different fear/survival responses: fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. Most people have probably heard about fight and flight, since those two are usually the only ones that are mentioned/taught, so I will stick to explaining the other two.

"Fawning" refers to actively being submissive and subdued, both physically and emotionally. The goal is to appear non-threatening and to calm whoever is causing the fear response in the first place. It shows up as being overly agreeable, not having thoughts/opinions of your own and ignoring them if you do, your body language changing (e.g., making yourself smaller, taking up less space), and generally attempting to 'keep the peace' or reinstate it.

"Freezing" is pretty much exactly what it says on the tin—you freeze. It means slipping into a dissociative state, which disconnects you from your body, your emotions/mind, and/or the outside world. Usually, people stop being able to talk well or at all, they do not move, and if they do, it is on autopilot; you do not fight or flee, you simply exist until what is causing the fear response is over.

While dissociating, your brain is unable to form full memories—and depending on how heavily you are dissociating, it does not form any memories at all. 

Freezing as a response happens when fight, flight, and fawn aren't possible anymore, e.g., a child who has no internal mechanisms to deal with large amounts of fear because it's a child, so the only way to escape the pain and aggressor is by fleeing into your mind and shutting down.

Why am I telling you all this? Because most people tend to have one or two survival responses that dominate/they usually fall back on, and the same goes for Aziraphale and Crowley.

When faced with an outside problem and a lot of stress, Aziraphale's first instinct is to fawn, to placate the person, to diffuse the situation, to make sure everyone is agreeing, or, at the very least, submitting to authority figures or aggressors. It is what heaven teaches them—stick to the rules, don't ask questions, do what you are told. If fawning involves lying, he will do so, here the need for safety is stronger than his desire to be truthful and stick to his morals.

Unfortunately, the fact that this is his primary fear response is also the reason behind his extreme cognitive dissonance. How can you stick to the rules when you do not know what the rules ARE? So he is stuck trying to figure out what is "good" and what is "bad" so he can be a good angel and avoid doing anything that might be seen as bad or disobedient.

His secondary response to stress or fear is to fight—once it's clear that fawning won't work, he can and will switch over to being more direct and aggressive/less submissive. We see that happening when he gets discorporated in season 1 and needs to get back to earth, at the airbase, or when the bookshop gets attacked.

If I were to ask you what you think Crowley's primary fear response is, how would you respond?

Well, if you said "flight"—you're wrong, and I will explain why.

Flight is his secondary fear response, it is what he falls back on in absolute emergencies when everything is doomed and there's nothing he can do anymore.

Before that, though, he fights.

Even as an angel, he was already questioning the system, he was ready to go and tell God she was doing a terrible job, that her ideas were bad, that he wants to keep his stars and the universe— six thousand years are nothing! If you actively oppose existing rules and defy people's authority over you, fighting is the only option you have unless you plan on giving up or the response becomes too much to deal with.

Fear itself happens when you or someone/something you love is being threatened (whether that threat is real or simply perceived as such doesn't matter), plus there are a large number of more irrational fears.

Crowley's creations were threatened -> He goes against the rules, he wants to fight for them.

On the walls of Eden, he questions God and talks to an angel, his hereditary enemy, once again defying the rules, questioning them.

Job and his children were threatened -> He goes against orders to try and save them.

There is good reason to believe he went against God by saving some of the children from the flood.

He showed Jesus the kingdoms of the world—do we really think that was based on orders? No, it was once again Crowley not playing by the rules.

Wessex? He proposes the Arrangement, which is one gigantic "fuck you" in his fight against celestial rules. Everything after that goes back to Crowley knowing that their jobs suck and that they can cheat, fight the system by working together. In 1827, it gets him pulled to hell and punished, and yet he does not stop; he keeps fighting.

Crowley is the one who immediately tries to stop the apocalypse. Aziraphale needs to be talked into it, needs to be convinced with selfish reasons and personal pleasure.

The reason why both heaven and hell absolutely loathe him is not because he is a runner; it's because he constantly and consistently defies them. He fights.

In season two, he immediately tries to deal with the Gabriel problem while Aziraphale is standing behind him and saying "I don't know" to all of his questions. Taking him somewhere so they can figure shit out in peace is not 'running'—it's smart. Sure, it's far from ideal, but we see what keeping him in the bookshop brought them, don't we? The hiding miracle is what tipped heaven and hell off in the first place.

Aziraphale goes to Edinburgh based on a hunch, but once again—did that help? Did his journalist roleplay trip actually provide vital information that solved a single puzzle piece of that mess? No. Finding out that Gabriel was at that pub with some mystery person was a nice fact to know, but that's it.

During the ball, Crowley is scared, vigilant, prowling around the shop, checking windows, telling Aziraphale to "stop this charade" so they can figure out what to do. Aziraphale, in that moment, was already convinced that sticking to the rules would save them—a heavenly embassy on a technicality, surely the group of fallen angels who got booted due to not following heaven's rules will respect that.

Crowley goes to heaven, which is once again him actively looking for a solution, while Aziraphale also falls back on fighting because fawning is not going to do shit.

There are three times during which Crowley suggests fleeing—which is his secondary fear response—but those are exceptions. Let's have a look at them.

The first one is at the bandstand, the evening before the Apocalypse, and since Aziraphale is lying to him, the situation seems hopeless to him. Yet he is still having his 'agents' look for him, is still fighting.

Do you know why he even suggests running? He is about to leave when Aziraphale calls him back with "there isn't anywhere to go," and now allow me to insert the following passage from the scriptbook.

Crowley looks back. He looks at Aziraphale. Above them, a beautiful starry sky. And Crowley softens.

"Big universe. Even if this all ends up in a puddle of burning goo, we could go off together."

The sentence in the show is slightly different, but they have one thing in common: If.

IF the world ends, we can still leave and be together. IF.

Crowley is NOT saying "let's leave", he is presenting Aziraphale with a contingency plan in case stopping the Apocalypse does not work. He is NOT running, he isn't even SUGGESTING to run.

It's a "if the world ends, we can be together. We don't need to be with hell or heaven; we can be in the stars," because remember what the end of the world would mean? Eternal torture for Crowley while Aziraphale bores himself to death in heaven.

The next time he suggests it again—when he stops Aziraphale on the street—several things have happened.

First, he did not leave. If he truly wanted to flee, he would have by now, but he didn't. He sits in a cinema waiting for the end: "Out of time. Out of hope," as Neil puts it. Then Hastur and Ligur show up on screen and tell him, 'You're dead meat, Crowley. You're bloody history. […] We're coming to collect you'.

We all know that means "eternal torture in hell," but if you're not convinced for some reason, have another snippet from the script book that did not make it into the show.

Dagon is speaking from the Bentley's radio while he drives towards the bookshop, saying that something has gone wrong and they're sure he has a 'perfectly reasonable explanation' for it. Once he gets out of the car, however, Dagon still keeps going and says the following:.

"Your explanation, and the circumstances that will accompany it, will provide a source of entertainment for all the damned of hell, Crowley. Because no matter what agonies the damned are suffering, Crowley, you will have it worse."

Crowley already knows that. He has been punished by them before, heard, seen, lived torture, there is no doubt as to what will happen should they catch him. So he does what any person with a single fucking brain cell would do—he tries to get his loved one and FLEE.

Flight is the best response in this situation, and if you need me to explain why, then honestly, I cannot help you anymore. I won't go into detail about Aziraphale's response, but, tl;dr, it was shitty and incredibly hurtful, go figure.

Now, let's get to situation number 3, which is his speech during the final fifteen. We do not have an official script for that, but someone did make transcriptions for all episodes; you can find them here. Additionally, I will copy some of what I already said in a different meta post.

Crowley, stuck in his trauma-induced hypervigilance and paranoia, suggests putting as much distance between them and the problem as possible. I think it is interesting that in ep1 he wants to get Gabriel away from them, while at the end of the season, he is ready to get them away from the problem.

So far, I have never seen anyone mention that change! And it’s important! The entire season, it is hammered into our heads how much they love being on earth. It is THEIR bookshop and THEIR car and THEIR life.

Crowley wants to protect that home, and Gabriel is a threat to it, a threat to both of them, their life, the bookshop—everything. He does not want to leave, he wants his peace and angel in one place.

Yet by allowing Gabriel to stay, Aziraphale destroyed the sense of comfort and safety Crowley had slowly developed over the last few decades. Heaven nipping down every now and then to check in with Aziraphale is very different from him sheltering the Supreme Archangel who is running from ‘something terrible’ without even asking if he’s alright with that.

Aziraphale calls it their bookshop, but he fundamentally still sees it as his space to govern and Crowley as a guest; he even calls it a 'heavenly embassy'.

After another horrible week and having his previously safe space violated by several different times and beings, Crowley is back to where he was before—without a home. That fragile existence broke apart, so he is standing in the heap of shards and telling Aziraphale 'I don’t feel safe here anymore, let’s leave’.

He lost his safe space, but he still has his safe person, his best and only friend, the person he loves. I doubt he cares where exactly they go as long as they’re together and it’s safe.

Returning to heaven—it is the one place Crowley cannot follow him to. It’s literally the worst option, he can’t go back, he won’t go back. So he invokes the bookshop again, if you don’t want to stay for me, stay for the bookshop, your books, your corner of existence that I thought we had carved out for ourselves.

There is a common error that people make regarding the timeline, which is assuming that during this conversation they are already aware of the impending apocalypse—but they aren't. Aziraphale himself has no clue, and while Crowley saw the conversation and trial, he does NOT know when it will happen. For all he knows, it could be tomorrow, could be in a thousand years, and, even if he had been given a date, I doubt they laid out all the details and how to stop it.

Considering that his original plan was "get drunk at the Ritz and then have us time," I don't think he knew literally anything about how or when to stop it. So no, Crowley does NOT suggest running away from earth and leaving it to die.

All he wants is some bloody peace and quiet where no demons, angels, or power-hungry floating heads can interrupt them. A space that is safe and theirs. There are also zero mentions of where he wants them to go; he is not talking about the stars or the universe. He wants to get away from where they currently are because heaven and hell show up uninvited whenever they please.

If your boss and ex-boss constantly kicked down your front door and stated their wish to torture you, would you stay there or would you move? Yeah.

This post got very long, but it was long overdue.

I am tired of seeing people call Crowley a callous coward who always runs away from his problems when he is the literal opposite. You take three sentences said under exceptional circumstances and apply them to Crowley as a whole, when it is nothing but his last ditch effort to keep himself and Aziraphale safe.

One last thing: If you come onto my post and start aggressively arguing about this, I will block you. Genuine discussions and questions are always welcome, being a dick is not, and I also simply cannot handle some of the rhetoric people in this fandom perpetuate because it's very triggering.

Make your own post, don't do it on mine.

#alex talks good omens #good omens #ineffable husbands #good omens meta #crowley #aziraphale #good omens season 2 #go2 #aziracrow #crowley x aziraphale #ineffable divorce #the final fifteen #crowley meta #aziraphale meta #crowley deserves better treatment from this fandom #and people that actually remember canon and don't take some fanfic version of him they have created during the hiatus #so many straight up factually incorrect takes #i dont know if i will make it until season 3 guys

[amourdivine]

୨ ♡ ୧︰ WHOSE MIND ARE YOU ON?   ઉ   PAC.

Hello, angels! I hope you're doing well! Today, I bring to you one of my favorite reading topics. Let's get curious and see whose mind are you on, shall we? If you liked this reading, please consider tipping me at @ [email protected] via paypal! xo ♡

›    none of the images are mine unless stated otherwise. ›    personal readings are closed [as of february 2024] ›    navigation ♡ masterlist ♡ payhip

HOW TO CHOOSE YOUR PILE.  take a few deep breaths and look at each picture separately. see which one brings you to a feeling, a place or a memory. take your time and feel free to come back to it later!

amourdivine. 2021 - 2024 © do not copy, redistribute or edit my content.

୨୧ PILE ONE

ace of pentacles ✧ the tower ✧ two of wands

Oh, this is someone whom you've had a huge falling out with. The aftermath has left both of you scarred, the foundation of your connection has crumbled, but both of you still check up on one another. For one half of this pile, this is purely platonic, like an ex friend or co-worker. For the other half, this was a friends with benefit situation... feelings made things even messier and the two of you got caught up in a thunderstorm.

Regardless, this person holds so much love and so much hatred inside their heart. They're so angry, but they miss you so much. They look at your old photos, reminisce on old memories. I just saw a best friend necklace in my mind's eye. They want to talk to you, but in that exact same second, they are reminded that things aren't that way anymore. It pains them, it ails them.

They likely write about you in the form of poetry, maybe journaling. They listen to songs about you, maybe even watch or read tarot readings in the hopes of finding closure. I genuinely don't think this person means any harm towards you, you're just both incredibly hurt by one another and I think distance has done you well so far. The waters need to calm down before the two of you can talk again, feelings need to be addressed and processed before you can cross paths.

This person misses you so badly, but I think the thought of this connection still brings up a lot of triggers to the surface. You may have some harsh aspects in synastry that create this tension or perhaps the two of you are fire signs. Sort of like a harsh Mars and Pluto aspect, but take it how it resonates. For your sake, it's important you address the feelings you have for this person (be it rage, hatred or love) so you don't feel trapped by this situation.

channeled messages and signs: best friend, betrayal, 10 of swords, "how could you?", "i stay up thinking of you", pinky promises, bikes, red sweater, october, insecure, competitive, jealous, leo, pick me, saturn, 333, 7, "you were mine".

୨୧ PILE TWO

the world ✧ the sun ✧ three of cups

Ah, this is someone who's away from you physically, but not emotionally. They love you so much. It's possible they have traveled for work or study temporarily, but they can't wait to come home to you, to be in your arms. It feels a mix of platonic and romantic energy, so please take it how it resonates. It could be someone who hasn't confessed their feelings to you verbally, but I think it's pretty darn obvious.

Either way, you make this person so happy, so giddy, so full of hope and love. You remind them that there are better times ahead and I think there's something about your smell, your embrace or smile that this person adores. You inspire them in so many ways, there's literally no one like you in this world. You're their favorite - and I think it's a mutual feeling here.

If this is someone whom you've met online, they're so eager to meet you. They probably daydream about it, they're taking active steps towards it too. They hope for ice cream-filled days under the sun and walking with you in the park. I feel very idyllic, it's wholesome and adventurous at the same time.

You bring a sense of courage and strength in this person, I think you're their "energy booster" in a way, either through your words or just who you are in general. You give this person a bit of a sweet, but fun adrenaline rush. They're so excited by the thought of you.

channeled messages and signs: cottagecore, wifey, strawberries, hot pink, neon green, astronomy, lauv, riding shotgun, roadtrip, plane flights, concert tickets, airports, "baby blue", kpop, "bestie", "bae".

୨୧ PILE THREE

ten of cups ✧ six of pentacles ✧ seven of swords (clarified by the two of cups)

This is someone well established and hardworking, someone who seems quite happy on the surface. They live in a shiny world, a perfect world. At least that's what it looks like on the surface.

This person is married and may have children already. You work with them, or under them. However happy or well-meaning this person may seem towards you, they are secretly very, very attracted to you. They want something more than professional or platonic with you, but they're keeping it under wraps right now.

I can't help but feel icky, like this person wants to have it all and that means going behind their partner's back in order to have you. I don't think they would ever come right and clean about this to anyone in this situation. You're like a shiny object this person wants to collect for themselves, but it's not like they'd care for you in any capacity. I Want it All by Arctic Monkeys started playing in my head. I think this is probably this person's view towards the world.

The Eight of Cups is at the back of the deck - be sure to not engage with this person emotionally, or any more than you already have. They're not honest about their feelings or intentions and it shows in the way they're sneaking around, while their partner's blissfully ignorant about it. Cheater, fuckboy energy!

channeled messages and signs: black and white, indie pop, millenial, 1989, 1990, power dynamics, chief, corporate nightmare, suits, fanfiction, beard, "don't look back", the fray, melancholia.

୨୧ PILE FOUR

five of cups ✧ seven of wands ✧ knight of swords

Whoever this is, I feel a more childish, impulsive energy. I don't know if this person is still in your life, but chances are they regret something they did or said to you. They're mourning your connection for the time being. I think you pulled away from them over a boundary they crossed or you stood your ground and they weren't expecting it. The friction here may not have been grand, but it was enough to make them feel guilty, regretful and even ashamed.

They're looking back on their actions and they're wishing they had a do-over. For some reason, I feel like this person is younger than you or just less experienced. They have a "younger sibling" feel to them, someone who's still a page. You were a source of stability and comfort to them, I think they still look up to you in some way, because I feel that they're ashamed over disappointing you.

However, as sad as it is, it doesn't seem like the end of your connection, for most of you. If this is a family member, like a cousin or sibling, chances are you'll both need to let this "marinate" and come back to talk about it later. They want to talk it out with you regardless, so it's not as definite as it may have seemed before. Even if you do have your guard up towards this person and vice-versa, give this connection a chance. I honestly feel like there's still a lot of love and admiration left between the two of you.

channeled messages and signs: "i wish you were here", victory, number 7, stubborn, "i'm the older one!", nitpicky, play-fighting, gossip, lullabies, bedtime stories, "i was trying to protect you", defensiveness, muddy waters, family portraits, petty, blocked.

୨୧ PILE FIVE

queen of pentacles ✧ the star ✧ five of pentacles ✧ three of wands

This is a motherly person. They could be an actual mother, an aunt, a grandma, or simply someone who embodies these nurturing traits, almost to the point of being a little overbearing. It can also be a "mom friend", someone who cares for others by giving them gifts. They're well established and might give unsolicited advice in regards to career, finances or relationships, but they mean well.

The reason why you're on this person's mind is because they're wishing you well. Maybe you suffered a loss recently, or you've been depressed and this person is hoping you can recover soon. I think you may have distanced yourself from others, but this person wants to help you. Still, they're waiting on you to reach out to them.

It's possible they've sent you flowers or "get well soon" texts and cards. I don't know why I get the feeling you were or are sick, struggling in some type of visible way and that's why they're worried. Maybe to you it doesn't seem like a big deal, but since this person is more experienced, they know how to deal with certain things and they really want to help you.

They might have offered you to stay at their place, or maybe have cooked you soup. I get very lovely, nurturing feelings from this pile. They wish you well and hope you can cheer up soon! For some, this is a person from your home country? You may be studying or working abroad and this mother figure wants you to take care of yourself. Aw!

channeled messages and signs: south korea, china, "i'm fine! i promise", subway, skip and loafer, exam season, 555, big city, hometown, missing the train, "i'm running late", overprotective, homemade meals, flu season, childhood movies, growing up, middle age crisis.

୨୧ PILE SIX

eight of cups ✧ eight of wands ✧ ten of swords ✧ the sun

This is such a back and forth energy, pile six. I won't lie, it feels difficult but exciting... but also really difficult? This person has been in and out of your life multiple times. You fight and then get back to each other. Then you fight again, going round and round.

It's interesting because The Sun is here, so you do make each other very happy, but you also make each other very miserable. I think this dynamic moved very fast unexpectedly. There's lots of attraction, but also lots of heartbreak. It could be a friends with benefits situation, maybe an ex you can't get over. I also heard "sneaky link" and the messages feel quite 18+, if you get what I mean.

You see, you enjoy this person's presence very much. Even when they tease you. And you've hurt each other many times, but I think you can't stop coming back to one another. There's this strange, unbreakable bond, but it's also a connection that triggers the both of you a lot and could've turned quite toxic.

This is the only pile where I had to pull more than four cards to channel the messages and I got the Queen of Wands. I think both of you are drawn to each other like moths to a flame, but there's some maturing needed if this connection is meant to progress. I didn't include advice in the previous pile, but the High Priestess came out for you as advice. So make sure to tune in to your emotions, your needs and how this person is engaging with you. Is this something truly fulfilling for you? How are you being called to step up your boundaries, your words and your actions? Connect to what you truly desire for yourself.

channeled messages and signs: "in my feels", drake songs, coquette aesthetic, water by tyla, pink hat, y2k, black girl magic, it girl, jennie kim, long hair, neon lights, freeze, nail art, "know your worth", boss, "cheer up buttercup", "you're so high maintenance", work crush, toxic by britney spears.

DISCLAIMER. Tarot is a divination tool, it’s not a substitute for medical and professional advice, nor is it meant to be taken as such. I don’t take responsibility for any choices made by you or others regarding my readings. Be mindful ♡

#pick a card #tarotblr #tarot reading #pick a card reading #tarot #pac reading #astrology #divination #pick a pile #tarot witch #witchblr #tarotcommunity #tarot readings #tarot readers #* #mine.

[isagrimorie]

People give Janeway guff about not giving Kazon replicators and transporters. Still, it's proven repeatedly that giving one Kazon faction an advantage over the other would be mixing it up in an internal war that would LITERALLY shift the balance of power.

Klingons at least know the technology they have engineers, even as it's becoming a dying breed over Warriors.

TLDR in Alliance Chakotay and Tuvok convinces Janeway that making an alliance with a Kazon faction is the way to go.

And so she does finally concede on this little experiment but with a lot of reservations going in: That once they leave the infighting will go on, and might actually have been worse.

Tuvok naively thinks it might help and bring about a Federation.

B'Elanna then pushes forward Harry's sarcastic comment about forming an alliance with Seska and then at the first sign of this, Chakotay balks.

And then Janeway says something that I feel is her guiding principle in dealing with hard decisions:

Janeway: "You can't have it both ways Commander. If you want to get in the mud with the Kazon you can't start complaining that you might get dirty."

Again, this is what I love about Janeway -- she gets flack for it but when Janeway makes a decision no one else wants to make it.

As I've mentioned in another post in tags: #right or wrong#i admire how janeway is always the one#who goes#the buck stops with me#she makes the hard choices on voyager#especially during debates#when the staff just goes around and around in circles#like in memorial where she starts just in the background#listening to the senior staff debate#from how janeway started in episode 2 of season 1#where she's presented with the horrific#sophie's choice of neelix dying because he has no lungs#and then subjecting another person to the same fate#to the (now boring debate about tuvix)#to this moment#to the moment on the memorial episode#she will take on that burden#and she will always stare at the hardest choice unflinchingly#because someone has to#as the 12th doctor once said#sometimes all your choices are bad ones#but you still have to choose#

In this episode, she allowed herself to be persuaded but she's not sold on it. But she's letting her crew run with it -- okay so we do this, but if we do this, we commit to it. And yet, at the first uncomfortable decisions... there's already balking. This was Janeway testing the waters if any other person on her senior staff could carry water about making the hard choices.

So far the ones who have stepped up were B'Elanna, Tom, and Neelix.

Anyway, I wish there was more fallout on the whole Kazon vs Trabe conflict because that was actually interesting.

But also Voyager had a Doctor Who problem -- if they meddle in the affairs of a spatial politik, they don't know the repercussions of their actions and just look at Living Witness and the reputation Voyager gained simply by doing a bit of a trade deal.

Voyager can help when they can, see: helping Brenari refugees escape the Devore. (Counterpoint).

But they can't and shouldn't really interfere with internal politics. They're not like DS9 where they can stay in one place and fix things permanently. They're just passing through.

This is also why I think she wasn't really considering Tuvok and Chakotay's thing during the Void episode where they raid another ship's resources. (Also, because after Ransom and Equinox, she knows what faltering in the Federation principles can do).

Crucially, she's also known both Chakotay and Tuvok enough that while she loves them -- Janeway knows neither men have the stomach for their proposals.

The Alliance episode was one example of that already.

Janeway, though, if she is pushed to make that commitment and there was absolutely NO way they can prevent raiding others-- Janeway would have committed to that action 110%. This is why I feel Janeway would actually come to a similar conclusion as Sisko in In the Pale Moonlight.

Especially, if she gets daily reports of Starfleet casualties. I have a feeling, there would be less kicking and screaming when Garak finally does his reveal.

Janeway has rules for a reason. She is fastidious about it. For a reason. Because once she commits to an action, it will take both hell and high water to take her off that course.

/edited

#star trek voyager #kathryn janeway #voyager s2 #(what is it about briefing room scenes in early seasons #why is it so inert? the only thing keeping the scene #interesting was kate mulgrew's force of personality)

[melancholymetropolis]

Exchange

plot: In which a Bridesmaid finds out she accidentally got married in Vegas months prior.

pairings: Clan Leader!Gojo Saturo x Lawyer!Reader

genre(s): Second Chance; Accidental Marriage

warnings: unedited (mostly). Golden Retriever/ Fox Au. Gojo is a goofball and makes Y/N laugh a lot. She is very much anti-marriage, but open to love. COMEDY. Couple's Banter. Lots of fluff. Gojo fell first and hard. New Love.

a/n: this will be a mini series with weekly updates.

w.c: 3.5k

“You have gotten even more beautiful since the day you left me.”

My eyes immediately widen from the sentiment. The air in my throat had become thick and my hands had begun to shake. I almost didn’t recognize his voice. Its cadence was a distant memory; one I had left behind months ago. In Vegas, of all places. It was the way he said “beautiful” that transported me back in time. It was the first thing he said to me. In a dark club, under neon lights and a cloud of smoke. He didn’t use basic, sexually charged words to get my attention. He was respectful, I liked that about him. He had been the only guy to introduce himself and offered to pay for my drink properly. He called me things like “beautiful”, “gorgeous” and “breathtaking”. Those three little words had meant more to me than whatever bullshit the other guys were doing. 

His electric, blue eyes seemed to glow in the low light. They never wandered anywhere else but my face when we talked. He seemed genuinely interested in everything I had to say. From me saying that it was my first time in Vegas to how much I hated crowded spaces. I had only come to the club to celebrate a friend’s engagement and was labeled the designated driver for that night. If I recall, he said my job was “honorable” and applauded me for taking it seriously.

And, in an effort to make up for our lost drink, he gave me his number. Told me to call him when I was free. 

Gojo’s eyes were just as I remembered. So bright and powerful— almost inviting to look into. He wore a navy blue suit to compliment the intimidating orbs and brighten his pale complexion. His unruly, white hair had been combed back with a singular curl setting in the middle of his forehead. The silver watch on his wrist looked heavy and vintage— possibly a family heirloom of some sort. I had forgotten how tall he had been. Even though I had worn six-inch heels, he still was a few inches taller than me. And I definitely was not a short woman.

“I left you?” I said, finally coming back to earth. “I don’t recall ever doing such a thing.”

A sly smirk began to form on his face. “Oh really?” He replied, taking slow steps towards me. “That’s mighty convenient on your end.”

“How so?”

“It relieves you of any guilt.”

A painful silence fell between us. Our eyes locked in a heated exchange, while our hands remained by our sides. I couldn’t deny the connection we had—couldn’t forget the spark. 

“Bride or groom?” I asked, turning my back to him. 

The tall man grew closer to me. He took his stance about two feet away from my spot on the balcony. He placed his forearms on the edge and leaned forward. There was a painful aura lingering above his head. Something was wrong. It was more than simply not seeing me for a few months. It wasn’t my habit of escaping in the middle of the night. It was complicated and conflicting.

“Groom,” he sighed, looking at the beautiful countryside of Japan. “I'm guessing you're here for the bride, given the Bridesmaid dress.”

I hummed in disagreement. “I know them both, actually. We worked at the same law firm for a couple of years. I believe I introduced them to one another, all those years ago.”

“Oh, okay,” Gojo snickered. “A divorce lawyer playing cupid. And I thought I saw everything.”

A quiet giggle fell from my lips. “That's right. Consider me a walking paradox.”

“That you are,” he replied sweetly.

The tension from earlier had broken and was replaced with a sense of familiarity. 

It was nice.

A few breaths later, Gojo opened his suit jacket and pulled out a white envelope. He handed it to me. 

I gave him a questionable look. “What's that?”

“Open it and you'll see,” was all he said before placing the envelope into my hand. 

I lifted the tab and pulled out a folded piece of paper. At the very top was the letterhead for the Clark County Department of Records in Nevada State. The letter read:

  Dear Mister Gojo Satoru,

We are pleased to inform you that your marriage license has been processed successfully and your certificate will be arriving at your residence in 3 to 4 weeks. 

As of April 25, both you and Ms. Y/N L/N are legally m—

“Nope,” I said, folding the letter and shoving it back in the envelope. “No the fuck we aren't.” I handed it back to Gojo. “Over my dead fucking body.”

“You hate me that much, sweet pea?” he chuckled. 

“I don't know you to hate you,” I replied, stuffing the envelope in my clutch purse. “And I would like to keep it that way.”

“You're breaking my heart, Y/N,” Gojo replied. His tone was still playful but there was a twinge of sadness in it. “Surely being married to me couldn’t be that bad.”

I scoffed and plucked a flute of champagne from the waiter’s tray. I took a big gulp of the bubbly beverage and sighed deeply.

Fate must've had something against me. I must've done something extraordinarily vicious in my past life to warrant such treatment. Marriage? The whole thing felt like a nightmare. I spent my whole life running from the false institution that was called “marriage”. It's a contract that almost always ends poorly. From spouses cheating on the other to emotional abuse and gaslighting— I had seen the most stable of unions crumble after a few decades. Families broken apart by secrets,  betrayal and unfortunate circumstances. Men and women alike pleading  for one more chance to correct their mistakes. And if that doesn't work, greed takes over. The desperate struggle for power between the couple and how it always ends badly. 

Marriage wasn't something I was particularly fond of. I didn’t see my sentiment changing any time soon. Even if the tall drink of water before me was legally my husband. 

I finished the rest of my beverage and placed it on a different waiter’s tray. I took several more deep breaths and turned my back to the white haired man. 

The alcohol had sedated the raging storm of emotions swirling in my being. A somber feeling eased into my heart, but I quickly shoved it back down. The blasting music in the background had made it abundantly clear that we couldn't do this here. Not now. Not at my best friends’ wedding. 

“I just need time to think this over. Figure out my next move,” I reached in my purse and pulled out a business card. I placed it on the railing. “Call me tomorrow afternoon and I'll tell you how I'd like to proceed.”

“Wait, Y/N—”

“Goodnight, Mr. Gojo.”

I didn't even look back as I walked away from him.

“Come on, Jessica,” I practically begged. “There has to be a way to end this shit sooner.”

“I hate to break it to you, Y/N,” my colleague sighed. “But there isn't. As you could imagine, a lot of people accidentally get married in Vegas. The number is close to about 50,000 couples. And a little less than half of them get their union annulled. Meaning, divorce court is overloaded with requests, follow ups and cases. If you file your paperwork today, you probably won't get a response for 1 to 3 months. Even then, the annulment might not even go through.”

“Because I was already married to him for six months without me knowing?” I said, pinching my nose bridge.

“Yup. To the judges eyes, it might not look like a mistake. He can still deny your annulment.”

My head was pounding and my mouth dry. An unknown fear started creeping up my spine. When I thought of the goals I set out for myself, for my life, marriage was never on the vision board. Especially not an accidental one. And definitely not one with a white haired, blue-eyed, Japanese man. However, he seemed to be awfully giddy about the union. Gojo sent upward of twenty text messages asking me how I was feeling or if I needed anything. He, also, suggested having lunch together to talk everything over. 

I looked out the cab’s window, watching the restaurant come into view. The place was clearly exclusive and very expensive. The right side of the establishment was made entirely of glass, overlooking the ocean just below the cliff. The sun was high in the sky and the clouds danced across her warm light. Waiting patiently in the front of the establishment was a familiar flock of white hair. The taller man had been shrouded in black this time. His overcoat perfectly matched the crisp suit underneath. The stark white shirt seemed brighter in the light; it made his chest glow. 

He looked entirely too perfect. As if he wanted to deflect my attention from something else. 

“Okay, Jess,” I said, pulling my gaze away from him. “I would like to survey all my options before I make a final decision.”

“Take all the time that you need, Y/N,” she replied in a sympathetic tone. “I will assist you in whatever way I can.”

“Thank you,” I smiled. “I will ring you soon.”

The car came to a gentle stop at the restaurant’s doors and I quickly ended the call. I thanked the driver once more and opened the car’s door. I barely had time to place my high heel on the pavement before a flock of black appeared in front of my door. A pale hand flickered in the doorway with outstretched fingers. I could only see his glowing chest and black attire from that angle. Not his face. I swung my other leg out of the other vehicle and took hold of his hand. The taller gentleman takes a firm grip and aids me out of the cab. As I rise from the leather seat, my eyes ease up his glowing chest and broad shoulders. They cascade up his broad shoulders and slender neck. His sharp jawline was relaxed and his plump lips in a soft smirk. Round sunglasses rested on his nose, covering his electric eyes. His white hair was messily styled atop his head and, also, seemed to glow in the sunlight. 

With my bag resting on my shoulder, I used my hand to close the car door behind me. Gojo held my hand tightly as he started to walk to the restaurant. The fingers were warm against my cool ones. It felt nice and. . . comforting. I didn’t have the desire to pull away from him. The realization we were still holding hands didn’t dawn on me until he dropped my mine. 

“Let me take your coat, Mrs. Gojo.”

And just like that, the cocky bastard ruined a perfectly good moment with a couple of words. 

I allowed him to slip my trench coat from my shoulders and settled in the seat before me. The taller gentleman slips off his jacket and takes the seat across from me. A toothy grin plastered on his lips as he eased the round sunglasses off his face. His eccentric eyes were already glued to my face. His gaze was unwavering. It was almost like he was waiting for me to say something in response to his little comment. The white haired man was ready for battle.

Unfortunately for him, I left my bulletproof vest at home. 

“Do you come here often?” I asked, bringing a glass of water to my lips.

Those bright blue eyes flickered to my lips. They darkened at the sight of such glossy softness and lingered on them even after I had placed the glass back on the table. It was almost like he was in some sort of trance. Lost in a memory that he treasured and never wanted to part from. 

I cleared my throat. “Mr. Gojo?”

“What gloss is that?” He questioned, abruptly breaking his gaze from my mouth.

“It’s from Juvia’s Place,” I answered with a raised eyebrow. “Why?”

“It just looks so good on you,” he said, leaning back in his chair. “I want to buy you a lifetime’s supply.”

“You’re laying it on a bit thick there, don’t you think?

“That’s what you do when you’re on a date.”

“This is not a date,” I deadpanned. 

“Sure it is,” Gojo chirped. “I mean why else would we be in such a romantic establishment.”

The wife joke seemed to be a warning shot in hindsight. The taller gentleman was trying to test the waters to see just how far he could push me. I left him stranded the day prior. In mid sentence. He was not able to plead his case, explain his side of the situation. I had laid my intentions out to him loud and clear. I wanted zero parts in this relationship. Our union was supposed to be limited anyhow. A vacation fling that went on a little too long for anyone’s liking. At least for my liking. The marriage was clearly a mistake and one I wanted to rectify quickly. However, any time I clearly displayed my disinterest in our union, Gojo was quick to deflect with a quip. That meant he wasn’t going to take anything I said or did seriously. I would have to approach this matter from a new angle. 

I would have to play his game and play it well. 

The waiter walked over to the table and set down our menus. “Is there anything I could get started for you?”

I hummed sweetly and looked over at Gojo. “What do you recommend? I’ve never been here before.”

The man’s chest practically swelled at the sentences. A new source of pride pumping through his veins. A sly smile fell on his lips as the words started to pour from his lips. In Japanese. 

“What dishes do you have without shellfish? She’s allergic.”

The question caused my eyebrows to shoot up. 

I didn’t remember disclosing that information to him. At least, in the past twenty-fours that we had reunited. That could only mean that he remembered the little tidbit I shared all those months ago. Six months to be exact. He carried that information with him for half the year, almost like he intended to use it again. His memory must’ve been impeccable, which was why he was able to recognize me at first glance at the wedding. Looking back, I didn’t even notice him until he approached me on the balcony. I had been seated with the rest of the wedding party, practically on a stage overlooking the venue and I still didn’t spot him. He would be hard not to notice. He was one of the only people I knew with stark white hair and was under the age of eighty. Along with those electric blue eyes that pierced me like a needle. The chemistry we had was undeniable and I knew we shared a mutual attraction to one another. 

Would that be enough to have a fulfilling marriage?

The waiter skated away with our orders and Gojo’s eyes locked back with mine.

“So, how long are you in Japan for?” He asked, bring a glass of water to his lips.

“Originally, I was supposed to only stay two weeks for the wedding,” I answered, tapping my hand on the edge of the table. “But, a potential client just called and asked for a consultation. They are from New York but live in Japan temporarily. So, the answer is a little unclear for me at the moment.”

The taller gentleman sighed, amused. “It seems like I have a little bit of time before we part ways once again. The heavens have truly blessed me this time.”

“And just what do you intend to do with that information, Mr. Gojo?”

“I’d like to convince you to remain Mrs. Gojo for the rest of our days together.”

“As in for the time being? While I am in Japan?”

Gojo smirked at that comment. “As in for the rest of your life, sweetheart.”

I leaned back in my chair and folded my arms across my chest. “And how exactly are you going to get me to do that?”

Gojo leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table. His pink lips spread into a full blown smile. Those blue orbs sparkled dangerously as they flickered over my face. He seemed to be brimming with excitement. He wanted nothing more than to display his nefarious plan and keep me entangled in his spider’s web. 

“Originally, I planned on going the traditional route,” he conceded. “Showering you in gifts, expensive dinners and maybe a romantic weekend trip to Nokonoshima Island.”

“Buying a woman’s love? That is very traditional.”

“I know, but you are not a traditional woman,” he observed. “You are a divorce attorney. You are used to men attempting to buy a woman’s affection.”

“Very true.”

“So I came up with a proposal.”

“Do tell.”

“As you said, you don’t know me to hate me. Which means you don’t know me to like me either. And I, personally, think I am pretty fucking awesome.”

I chuckled, loudly. “You’re that confident, huh?”

“I am. Which is why I am suggesting that, for however long you are in Japan, we hang out.” 

“Hang out?”

“I would like to use this time to get to know each other. Continue what we started back in Vegas. Before you left me.”

“I didn’t leave you.”

The white haired man scoffed and leaned closer to me. “Come on, sweetheart. Let’s not lie to each other. You practically ran your pretty booty out of my hotel room the moment the sun came up.”

“That’s not true!” I interjected with a smile.

“It is true! And you had the nerve to leave me a couple of twenties on the nightstand like I was sorta cheap whore you met on the street. I never felt so violated in my life.”

A fit of giggles burst from my lips, shattering the remaining wall we had between us. 

“That was never my intention! I just felt bad for ripping the buttons off of your Armani shirt. So I gave you some cash for dry cleaning.”

“There’s no need to explain yourself, Y/N. Your message was loud and clear,” he sighed dramatically, leaning back in your chair. “I was just your sexy little secret for the weekend. No plans of marrying me. You just wanted to hit it and quit. Leaving me to deal with the pain of your absence alone. Not even a cover to keep me warm, just the memories of our last rendezvous.”

“You’re such a drama queen,” I laughed, shaking my head. 

“However,” Gojo replied, completely ignoring my comment. “Unlucky for you, I have decided to get revenge by blackmailing you.”

“Oh yeah?”

“If you don’t hang out with me while you’re in Japan, I am gonna tell everyone you snore in your sleep.”

“I do not!”

“And you are a blanket hogger!”

“Blasphemy!”

“And you got me pregnant while we were in Vegas.”

A slew of laughter erupted from my being and I could feel tears beginning to prick the edges of my eyes. “ That is not even scientifically possible."

"It is so!" He laughed. "Why else would I have morning sickness and swollen ankles?"

"Gojo, please. I cannot breath. . . !"

"How could you attempt to abandon your child, Y/N?" He crossed her arms over his chest and playfully shook his head. "I am not fit to be a single mother and take care our baby alone."

"Well," I paused and attempted to catch my breath. "You should've just kept your legs closed and this wouldn't have happened."

The taller man let out a dramatic gasp and placed a hand to his chest. "Did you. . . did you just try to slut shame me? After you basically paid for my services? How dare you?"

I lifted a glass of water to my lips; a weak attempt to calm my explosive chuckles down. I gulped the cool drink down and placed the glass back on the table. In the same instance, the waiter started to place our meal before us. There had been a collection of small plates carrying different items on them. Some had stir-fried vegetables and garnish, while others had different kinds of sauces. The bigger plates had anything between sashimi and grilled fish to sauteed pork and beef. Once the waiters were done plating, our table was suited for royalty. All the different dishes came together to create a marvelous spread and their aromas were simply magical together. 

“I didn’t know what you liked, so I got a little bit of everything,” Gojo replied, meeting my gaze over the food. “I hope that’s okay with you.”

Like a light switch, the playful (borderline pain in my ass) was tucked away from view and replaced with a dashing gentleman. Familiar feelings started to bubble in my chest. Ones I had tucked away months ago. A small wave of adoration danced between our beings. Along with attraction. The little exchange, our unorthodox banter, had lightened the tension that was between us since we reunited. It made room for why we were originally drawn to each other. His playful, almost youthful, side was almost like a cushion in my high-stress daily life. He breathed cool air into my hot tempered mind and gave me a sense of mental clarity I never experienced. It was easy for me to like him. To be attracted to him. To lust for him. But to love him?

That seemed like a different story. 

“It’s perfect.”

---------

Part II

a/n: don't fight me y'all! i've been adulting something fierce. as previously mentioned, this will be a series and i will post updates regularly. if you would like to be on the official taglist, let me know.

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jjk x reader #jjk x you #jujustsu kaisen x reader #x reader #gojo satoru #jjk satoru #gojou satoru x y/n #gojou satoru x you #jujutsu satoru #gojou satoru x reader #jujutsu kaisen satoru #satorugojo #jujutsu gojo #jjk gojo #gojo x reader #gojo saturo #gojo x you #gojo x y/n #chubby!reader #plus size reader #black reader #chubby reader #gojo saturo fluff #gojo x black reader #gojo x black y/n #gojo x plus sized reader #gojo x chubby reader #accidental marriage

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

Kaz and Wylan’s potential to become each other

Wow, you guys were a lot more excited about this than I was expecting! I made a post briefly mentioning this idea and it got way more attention that I was expecting, so as promised here is my explanation and I’ve tagged people who asked for it at the end :)

*WARNING: CONSTANT SPOILERS AHEAD*

Ok so the driving forcing of this comparison is rooted in the similarities of their characters and their backstories. Both of them lost a close family member, were abused by men with power over them, and experienced a form of ‘rebirth’ by nearly drowning in the Ketterdam canals. They also both experience disability; Kaz using a cane for a broken leg that didn’t heal correctly, and Wylan having severe dyslexia that prevented him from learning to read. A key difference that separates them, and arguably is a representation of the difference in the way their experiences have shaped their personalities as well, is that Kaz’s disability is a direct result of his chasing after vengeance, whereas Wylan’s disability was used as an excuse for his father to abuse him for what we as the reader see to be a minimum of eight years. (I’m assuming this because he is 16 in the book and was 8 when his mother ‘died’, which is the point that he describes he father to have “given up on him”)

I’m gonna quickly hop to parallels between Kaz and Pekka Rollins, bare with me I promise it’s relevant, which are quickly established as a key part of the novels. When Inej compares them, Kaz’s reply is “I don’t sell girls, I don’t con helpless kids out of their money” to which she gently responds “look at the floor of the Crow Club, Kaz”. Aside from this being the heartbreaking line that it is, it also does a very good job of highlighting their similarities and a similarity that they share with Jan Van Eck. When they meet the merch at the end of the first book they meet on an island called Vellgeluk, which is described as being popular with smugglers and slavers like those who kidnapped Inej. The other Crows are surprised Van Eck knows about Vellgeluk, but Kaz simply says “maybe he isn’t the upstanding merch he appears to be”. Great subtle foreshadowing for his double cross, and great establishment of the link between these three characters. In fact, Van Eck and Kaz echo each other more than you might think. Just as Kaz states “Greed bows to me, it is my servant and my lever”, Van Eck says “Yes, Chaos will come. And I will be it’s master”. In their first meeting, Van Eck accuses Kaz of murder and gambling with people’s lives, and in return Kaz points out that 1 in 5 of Van Eck’s ships will never return because they will sink or “fall prey to pirates”, so they are both doing the same thing, and that they both have the same motivations for this bloodshed: “profit”.

Now consider how often Wylan echoes Kaz, and therefore whether he echoes his father as well. They both have exceptional memories, Kaz’s being photographic/eidetic and Wylan being able to put words to music in his head to remember pages worth of infomation - this is even emphasised by Kaz being able to count cards when he gambles, saying “he could keep track of the game for up to three decks” and Jesper asking Wylan if he’d be able to apply “that trick to counting cards” to which he replies “probably. But I won’t”. They also both have impressive intellects, which could have placed them far higher up in the world than they’ve found themselves if it weren’t for cruel circumstances - Van Eck even comments on this, saying it angers him that Kaz has so much potential but does nothing with it. Then there’s their tendency to avoid being vulnerable. I think we too often overlook the fact that no-one knows Jan Van Eck hired two men to kill his son, not even Jesper, and that not even Inej knows what happened to Kaz on the Reaper’s Barge. Jesper believes that Wylan left his house as a result of his father’s abuse but that it was still his choice, and Inej has no information beyond “Pekka Rollins killed my brother” and the explanation of the con when Kaz faces off with Rollins in Crooked Kingdom. I genuinely believe that the biggest thing separating them is where they place blame for their situations. Kaz blames Pekka Rollins. Wylan actually blames himself.

Arguably, although he catalysed the events, if Rollins hadn’t conned Kaz and Jordie they still would have suffered in an almost identical way: they would both contract the Queen’s Lady Plague, they wouldn’t have enough money for both medicine and boarding, and Jordie would die. In that scenario Kaz would have still been left penniless and alone with nowhere to go, but he wouldn’t have had anyone to blame. In fact, he may have died as well because it’s really his drive for vengeance that makes him strive for survival. When he’s on the Reaper’s Barge he wonders if it’s worth trying to survive because there’s nothing waiting for him in the city, but then he realises that the chance of revenge is waiting for him, and that thought drives him to stay alive every day that follows. Without Rollins, Kaz probably would have blamed himself for Jordie’s death, and I’m backing that up with the singular moment when he’s first attacked by parem-high tide makers and has a brief “boy’s fear” that they are ghosts. He thinks, for a split second, that a ghost has come to kill him and what does he say? He says “Jordie had come for vengeance at last”. This is chapter three. We have no idea who Jordie is. With the limited information we had at the time and what we’d just seen happen to Big Bolliger, I assumed it was someone in Kaz’s gang that he had backstabbed and who has died because of what he did. But no. This single line leads me to wholeheartedly believe that Kaz blames Rollins, who realistically was only a small part of his suffering, quite so vividly to emotionally avoid blaming himself.

Wylan blames himself until around chapters 14 to 16 of Crooked Kingdom. His experiences with mental, emotional, and physical abuse have actively convinced him that his so-called ‘inadequacies’ caused a change in his father’s behaviour. But Wylan not being able to read didn’t magically turn Van Eck from a lucky family man into someone willing to try “specialists, tonics, beatings, [and] hypnotism” against his child. The fact is that Van Eck, like many abusers, is masterfully manipulative in everything he does. Wylan describes seeing his parents’ marriage as a happy one, but he also says “the argued all the time, sometimes about me. But I remember them laughing a lot too”. He’s quick to defend their relationship as if it isn’t supposed to be marred by argument and he lays blame on himself by suggesting that he was the root of their unhappiness. He also says that around Alys, Jan Van Eck becomes who he once was around Marya; a kinder, gentler man. I don’t think we’re meant to assume that he’s acting any differently with Alys in private right now, but I do think we’re meant to assume that he would have done down the line if he hadn’t been arrested (and presumably she filed for divorce). In chapter 14 of Crooked Kingdom, Wylan learns that his mother is still alive but that his father had her committed and declared insane so he could use it as grounds for divorce and marry Alys instead. And you know what happens? Wylan blames himself. He says, verbatim, to Jesper: “You don’t understand. It’s my fault”. He explains that Van Eck did this so he could have a “real heir”; because Marya produced a “faulty” child he needed a new woman to give him the child he wanted. That’s a messed up thing to think on so many levels, but Wylan doesn’t blame Van Eck because he is still being conditioned by his abuse. He and Kaz experienced different kinds of abuse, and Kaz wasn’t conditioned to blame anyone but his abuser, so that’s what he does. When Wylan does begin to blame Van Eck, he is immediately taken in by this same idea of revenge. Kaz says “you were angry. I needed you righteous” when explaining why he sent Wylan to St Hilde blind in chapter 16. Wylan was angry with his father before, but he wasn’t actively seeking vengeance. Now that he has a cause, someone other than himself to fight for? He tells Kaz “well, now you have me”.

Both of them have this potential to be fuelled by revenge or self-hatred, and although they go about it in different ways and lean towards different sides of the scale they are both balancing between those two extremes for the entire duology. Their past experiences have, and their future experiences could, tip them further either way but right now they are almost playing with the line.

Thank you so much if you’ve bothered to read this far, sorry for the long post but you did ask for an essay, so there you go. Tagging the people who asked - @kazooyay @mikasimaginairyworld @sunseeking-cyptid @moonlit-aura @alexplutoplanet @gandalfsmallnaturals @livsarthaven @goodomenstrack23 @origami-butterfly @flower-biatch @bookworm010307 @thesunniest @wherela @space-ace-thoughts @sixofbabycrows @antisocial-burrito

Sorry if I missed anyone!!!

#grishaverse #leigh bardugo #six of crows #crooked kingdom #kaz brekker #wylan van eck #kanej #wesper #kanej supremacy #wesper my beloved #inej ghafa #jesper fahey #nina zenik #matthias helvar #jan van eck #marya van eck #marya hendriks #wylan hendricks #jesper and wylan #six of crows wylan #kazzle dazzle #kaz rietveld #jordie rietveld #kaz and jordie #pekka rollins

[tavyliasin]

Villain-Fucker Angst Hours

Good timezone, darlings~ Are you ready to get all up in your feelings? No? Me neither, loves, but here we are regardless so the words are going to flow as they usually do... This is focused on Raphael from Baldur's Gate 3 and his fandom, but the latter section can easily apply to any villain fandom.

Self-Analysis of Devil-Fuckery, Or Why Do I Adore Raphael When He Is Very Obviously Evil: A Short Essay by TavyliaSin (Who Still Cannot Name Anything With Less Than A Full Paragraph) ((NSFW)) (((Game Spoilers)))

The following may discuss heavier topics, but without specifics, so whilst it should be safe for most to read without triggering any difficult memories please be aware of Raphael's entire vibes, the content and context of his story, and I'd also like to mention that this isn't a "woe be us for we are terrible people" piece, it's actually more about:

"There is an inherent kindness and warmth to much of the Raphael fandom, and I think there could be some common threads behind that, pulling us all in closer in a comforting blanket that we wrap around each other to keep out the cold of the world."

So, what in the nine hells am I on about? Well. Raphael-fandom is a wild and wonderful place to be. The rest is in sections, so feel free to skip through to what you feel is relevant to your interests. I am so prone to waffle I should open a restaurant~

Who Are Fans Of Raphael? What Do They Want?

We are feral, unhinged, all sheets to the wind "I want that devil man, carnally, and there is no force in all the planes that could stop me". There's the vanilla to the extreme and every level in between, tops, bottoms, versatiles, Doms, subs, and switches - there are a whole lot of people who would love to get their hands on either (or both) of Raphael's forms, for a simple smooch or something far more spicy~ [edited in] To add on to this, not all of us even desire him in a sexual way, for many it is romantic, soft, or even just the rather pleasant thought of spending an evening with drinks by the hellfire because he would be fascinating company. Aces, Aros, and AroAces may all find themselves well within the devilish corners of fandom too~ which is a whole other essay~ [end edit] So, I see you. I'm one of you. Extremely loud and utterly hingeless in my fan appreciation for Raphael. He's one of my favourites to write about, I seek art of him, and the same goes for his mirrored other half, Haarlep, who I arguably love more despite there being far less content of them in the game.

And the Fandom? The Vibe?

From my experience in the Raphael Fandom areas, we have a very deep and abiding understanding of consent, respect, and treating each other with an absolute and uncompromising kindness. We've had talks about keeping each other safe in fandom, exchanged details of people we have encountered who need to be avoided, even shared details between moderators of different fandom servers to pre-ban people proven to be creeps and/or art thieves. We've also discussed consent, including the issues with it in the game, and how areas of the story can only really be considered dubious at best and could easily be triggering for people. And these discussions have been open, honest, fair, and with the acknowledgement that most of us love these scenes anyway. So there's a sense of care that runs through everything, behind the horny-posting and fan content, behind the endless thirsting after our favourite fictional characters. We have a depth of kindness that warms my sinners soul every time I see it.

What Does This Have To Do With Self-Reflection, Raphael, or Villainy In General?

Well let's look at Raphael. He's a villain, obviously. He's manipulative, devious, and inherently evil by his very nature. He keeps Hope chained in his basement, constantly subjected to endless torture. There's also mention of how Gortash was sold into his service at a young age, clearly not an enjoyable experience given the other details and how things turn out (particularly as Raphael would need Gortash's own plans to fail entirely in order for him to succeed in his own and get that crown). And as fans, we accept that. We don't sit making excuses, or trying to say "well actually Gortash is a little shit and Hope probably deserve it", and we don't shy away from or conveniently ignore those darker sides of him with malicious intent to enable more evil to flourish. What I noticed, when I allowed the thoughts to continue, is that there is a theme here.

If Evil Can Be Loved Then So Can I

That's the core. Of course, darlings, I am not claiming to be a heinous monster. I certainly do not have a laundry list of crimes that would make the devil himself say "Uh, that's a bit much." But I sure as fuck treat myself like I do sometimes. You see, I think a lot of us have that tendency, to judge ourselves far more harshly than anyone else. Our patience, understanding, and forgiveness for others runs deeper than the Mariana Trench, but when it comes to our own flaws? One minor mistake and we think ourselves to be the worst beings ever to disgrace the earth. Thus, the villainy we see reflects how we are treating ourselves. So by loving and accepting all of those things that should be terrible, hated, we are actually learning that no matter how poorly we think of ourselves that we can be worthy of that same love and acceptance. We are extending the affection we are unable to show ourselves to someone we see the worst parts of ourselves amplified within. And that's why villains attract the people with the most kindness. The most forgiveness. Because it takes someone with a truly huge amount of empathy to find love for the embodiment of evil.

Or, IDK, maybe villains are just hot and we're too far down to care.

But wait, before you go!

THERE'S SOMETHING WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT.

All of this is about FICTION. We should never be accepting of the kinds of evil we see in the game irl. We do not owe anyone kindness if they do not show it to us.

What is hot in fiction is not always OK IRL.

Look after yourselves out there, remember that consent is key in all things, and please do try to learn to love yourselves, darlings, you are worthy of it and you should judge yourself by the same standard you judge others. If you are in doubt, if you are worried, if you feel afraid - reach out, talk to someone. There are many who will listen.

Treat yourself as you would treat a friend. You deserve that much.

Oh, and all Raphael fans who understand kindness are welcome around me, any hour of the day, I adore our little fandom circles and would gladly collect all of us together. I'm following a lot of you as soon as I find you, like hunting shiny pokemon~

See you in Avernus, my darling Little Mice, may we all find joy in the Cambion's Embrace~

#baldurs gate 3 #raphael #bg3 raphael #villain fucker #personal reflection #analysis of the inner mind by a complete amateur #listen the thoughts get loud then I write them down darlings it happens all the time #love yourself please #you are worth more than you give yourself credit for #and keep loving those villains! it's good for you! #be kind to yourself #and be kind in the community #did this even make sense? well it's there now so tough #DMS are open for fellow fans with excellent taste~

[reidslovely]

Hi Bambi! Sorry this is late, but I’m always down to talk about Peter 🕸️❤️ How do you think he’d handle a “there’s only one bed” situation?? I can’t decide if he’d be cocky or awkward lol, but probably both

So glad you’re getting back in the swing of things! (Pun intended)

abby always a joy to see you in my inbox!! and it is not at all late (if anyone is late it is me hehe) requests will be open for quite a while!! i think that this is a very complex question i feel like peter would be too cocky about it to cover up how excited he'd be to share the bed. but at the same time your friends sooo it would be weird right??? let me walk you through it.

please reblog or comment when you like!!<3

Peter Parker ever since you had known him  was very shy, and couldn't talk his way out of a wet paper bag around girls. Not in elementary school or middle, and definitely not in high school. Maybe that's why you found the boy next door to be such an interesting person. Nearly six foot tall, eyes that could win any girl over, yet anytime he opens his mouth...pure word vomit. Peter Parker in college was the same, yet by this point he had done the whole boyfriend girlfriend thing and learned to hide his nervousness behind shitty flirting and the cockiness that seemingly flew out of nowhere the middle of senior year. 

However that shield broke the moment you checked into the beachside hotel. 

It was a gorgeous hotel sitting on the beachfront of Ocean City. Peter had booked the first hotel that popped up, and got the cheapest room they had moments after planning the impromptu spring break trip. However, opening the door he realized why a four night stay was so cheap for two people. A single bed sat in the middle of the pale blue room, the duvet a soft yellow with flowers sitting on the bed. 

“Oh I fucked up.” Peter mumbled laughing, tossing a quick glance at you. Hopefully you hadn’t thought this was a part of some long pawn he’d been playing to get you to fall into bed with him after all these years. Making a mental note to have May or you book a hotel for the next trip if there would ever be another trip after this. “Mhm, big time” You teased back sitting on the soft memory foam of the king bed. Peter rolled his eyes playfully, sticking his tongue to his teeth shaking his head. 

“You mean you don’t want to sleep with me? Could have fooled me.” 

Peter felt like his skin was on fire, he was praying you couldn’t see how red his face was. 

You scoffed, eyes following him around the room. “Hey you’re the one who looks like you’re about to burst into flames.” Mhm he was not hiding it well. “Well you’re passing up the chance of a lifetime, there are plenty of girls who would be dying to be where you are right now missy.” 

Peter states smugly, placing his hands on the back of his neck, making his torso a perfect target for you to hit him with the pillow you were holding on your lap. “Okay okay I’m serious.” He defends throwing it back, the pillow landing at your feet. “I don’t have the money to afford another room and still be an active participant on this trip so…” He thinks for a moment looking at the couch resting at the foot of the bed. “We can share a bed Peter.” 

The words made him want to giggle and kick his feet like a cartoon character. He hid a smirk forming on his lips, clearing his throat. “I mean I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” “We used to share beds as kids.” You stated like it was no big deal. The two of you did share beds a lot until around middle school. Peter remembers being scared of sleeping on your floor so you’d let him into your bed at sleepovers, or Peter insisting that it was ungentlemanly to let you not have the bed at his house so the only explanation was to share. 

“Yeah but we were kids, now we are…” 

He was getting shy, and he felt so silly over it. Would sharing a bed really change nearly twenty years of friendship? 

“Fine, since you’re begging me to sleep with you. I’d be so evil to deny you.” Peter sighs like it is the most annoying situation ever. Hours at the beach took his mind off of what tonight would bring. He got excited and flattered at the thought of sleeping next to you, and felt like he was a kid in the science museum again. Once you both returned to the hotel Peter let you shower while he tried to figure out the best way to go about this. He turned the TV on to kill his mind a little bit, he lies in multiple different ways trying to make it seem as normal as possible yet he felt silly. 

Nothing felt natural.

Until you got in the bed with him. Your head on his shoulder as you scrolled on your phone, Peter watching the TV glancing at you occasionally. His hand rubbing your side slowly makes his heart flutter, instinctively he buries his head in your wet hair smiling at the videos on your phone. 

“What are you doing weirdo?” 

“I love you..I love this.”

 He whispers, nudging his nose against your head, it falls out so perfectly. It makes the moment even more perfect. You laugh, not out of disgust or shock but it is a laugh of relief. He sinks down into the bed pulling you with him, holding you closer. Pete hums awaiting a response watching you put your phone down.

“If I knew getting you into bed with me would be what made you finally confess I would have used that years ago.” “Mhm well..y’know what they say.”

“What do they say?” 

“Usually I love you too” He snickered, pushing hair from your forehead kissing softly. 

“Go to bed” You laugh smacking his chest. Peter hums holding you closer, closing his eyes, head still in your hair. Against his skin hears and feels your soft reply of 

“I love you too.”

🩵

hope that tickles your itch abby

__

forgot to do the taglist on the last few posts but doesn't really matter because some of those I tag never really interact with the fic lol.

@helloheyhihowdyheya @toomanyfictionalboyfriends @megmehz @sincericida @andrews-lovr @eevylynn @a-lumos-in-the-nox

#tasm peter parker x reader #tasm peter parker #tasm andrew garfield #tasm peter #tasm peter x reader #tasm!peter imagine #tasm peter smut #tasm!peter x you #tasm!peter x reader #tasm spiderman #tasm spiderman x reader #tasm fanfiction #peter parker x y/n #peter parker blurb

[sparrowrye]

Alastor x Fem! Reader {soulmates} Part 7

Synopsis: soulmate AU where you have the same mark on your body as your soulmate, and if your soulmate dies, you die too. Alastor needs to make sure that his soulmate is safe so he can continue his reign - whatever that takes. Though it looks like we have a couple secrets of our own.

Part 7: pushing boundaries

Previous Part

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I reached down to touch the cold, soft cloud. I swayed side to side and looked under me to see my trail along the cloud's surface. I was giggly with the rush of cold air in my lungs. I loved flying.

I flapped up once then dove into the cloud. My heart lurched at the momentary blindness but I came out underneath it to see the ocean beneath me. I looked up to see Husker's bright red wings cutting through the cloud after me. Both our wings were a stark contrast of the beautiful white and blue sky.

Husker was always willing to go on a fly with me. We made it a morning routine. It gave me a lot of exercise since I had to hold up my entire body with my core. It left everything sore but in a good way.

Landing was still rough, though. I glided down and tripped over my own feet while Husker slowed enough to perch exactly where he wanted. He smiled at me, his canine tooth sticking out of his smile.

I lunged at him. He rolled on his back and threw me over with his feet. Roughhousing with him was fun, usually leading into a magic showdown. The goal was to get them the opponent on the ground for five seconds.

I never won. But I did make Husker work for it.

I landed hard on my back and let out a gasp. A few seconds later Husker came into view with a side smile. "You know you'd probably do a lot better if you actually tried to hurt me like before."

"I didn't like you before." I groaned as I pulled myself to a sitting position.

"How kind." He held his hand out and helped me to my feet. I shook my body free of dirt and looked forward to a warm shower.

As we headed back to the house, I noticed Alastor stalking from the porch again. My eyes narrowed and I kept my attention on the door. I ignored him and went upstairs to my bedroom. Ever since he corrected me in the library, I've been ignoring him entirely.

Showering was a new venture with my demon form. I had cut myself a few times with my own claws when washing my hair. It also seemed to constantly tangle around my horns if I didn't have it pulled back. Not to mention the shower was small and I had large wings. They seemed to grow with every day.

I would be meeting Rosie again tonight. I had a journal full of things to tell her. I was slowly seeing more and more memories through my dreams. They were simple scenarios, often abusive, but surely they had something hidden in them.

I followed Alastor behind the house later that evening. I hated when he grabbed me by the waist instead of the shoulders like he used to do. It infuriated me when he would snatch it back before I could shove it off myself. He usually left me at Rosie's then disappeared into the shadows.

Rosie listened to my synopsis of my dreams with amazing patience. Once I had finished, she placed her cup down and asked, "When you dream of your mother, is there a color you often see?"

I was quiet for a moment as I thought about it. "Well...I mean there's lots of red...the walls are always red or brown. But...I don't know...I think...maybe there's some deep blues?”

"Hm...interesting."

"Why?"

"Conjure up that fork in your hand for me, dearie." I focused in on the fork, unsure of how to use teleporting yet. So I did the next best thing and sent it flying into my hand. "Did you notice there was a glow on it?"

"What? A glow?"

Rosie nodded. "Try again. Watch carefully."

This time I tried moving it more slowly. I could see a faint, blue glow surrounding it as it drew near. I watched it for a long moment for looking up at Rosie for an explanation.

"I have a strong feeling that...maybe...perhaps...your mother casted the curse on you."

"What?" I looked between Rosie and the fork. "No she didn't. She was trapped in those fights just like me! She wouldn't handicap my powers like that if it was the difference between living and dying."

"Maybe she did it to protect you. In your memories, you constantly talk about looking over her shoulder. She may have hiding you."

I looked down at my black claws. "Do you think...if the curse is active, does that mean she's alive?"

"I’m afraid not, sweetheart. A curse can stay on someone until they die." She stood to put a hand on my shoulder. "What about your father? Do you have any memories of him?"

I shook my head. "I don't know what he looks like. I don't...I wouldn't know how to pick him out in my dreams. He probably died in a ring fight."

"Or perhaps he escaped. There's still hope, dearie. Let's try looking again."

Our memory search yielded nothing. Though Rosie says I've unraveled more of the curse with the practicing of magic. She reassured me that I was doing everything possible to help my case.

"How's living with Alastor?" she asked abruptly. I coughed on the tea and covered my mouth with a napkin. "Ooh, that doesn’t sound too pretty."

"It's..." I tapped my claws on the glass. "It's uh...it's something."

Rosie laughed. "Oh you sweet thing. You're being so polite. Come, tell Auntie Rosie what it's really like living with him. I know how he can be."

I held my suspicions. "He's uh...Husker and I fixed up the house together. It was practically falling apart."

"Needed a ladies touch, hm?"

"Yeah, you could say that."

"How's he treating you? I'll straighten that man out if he's not treating you like the proper lady you are." My mind jumped to the library and my first escape attempt.

"He's been...alright. He seems to be impatient with me a lot."

"Goodness that man," she huffed. I noticed a shadow appear along the wall behind her. It was Alastor's shadow. "Don't worry dear, I'll tell that old man to mind his manners with you."

"Come now, I'm not that old." Alastor stepped out from behind her chair. She laughed and crossed her arms as she faced him.

"Be patient with your soulmate, Alastor. She's still learning a lot."

"Not to worry, Rosie, I've been very patient with her. Like you said, she has a lot to learn and who better to teach her than me." He casted a glare in my direction. I rubbed my sweaty palms together.

"You betta. Us girls have our own language and I'll know if you weren't being kind to such a sweet thing like her." She hugged me tightly.

"Of course, my lady," Alastor bowed his head to her. "Well, we must be heading home now." He held out his hand for me. The two taller adults watched me, waiting. I clenched my teeth and took his dark red hand. "Good day, Rosie."

"Good day, Alastor." She held the door open for us. I kept my eyes on the ground as we walked over to the scorched symbol. Rosie waved goodbye as we turned to face her. Alastor lifted my hand up and grabbed it with his other one. He placed his hand on my hip and pulled me close. My lips nearly pulled back into a snarl as he smiled down at my discomfort.

The smell of the ocean reached my nose first. My feet touched earth and I immediately shoved him away. He grabbed both my wrists and held them at his shoulder height. "Now is that anyway to treat your soulmate?"

"You surely don't know how to treat one," I snarled, letting my sharp teeth show.

"You make it difficult to with this defiance of yours." He let go of one arm to twiddle his claws in my face.

"Oh right," I scoffed, "I completely forgot. I'm not being held here against my will."

"Not anymore, you're not." He let go. "You came back willingly the night you reunited with your old master."

My tail whipped back and forth. "You're not a savior! You're anything but one. I'm perfectly capable of living on my own. Especially with my new magic."

"Magic you don't yet have control over. And a form you have yet to master for long periods of time. You wouldn't last one week as a young, naive Demon in this world."

"I'm not naive." My claws elongated and my wings grew bigger. My hands emitted a purple glow that rang along my entire body. "I learned just fine how to survive for five years on my own. I know how to handle myself!"

"Do not raise your voice at me." Red stitches appeared on the corners of his mouth and his antlers grew to the size of an elk. His body portions grew inhumanly and he towered above me in seconds. My ears flattened against my head and I bent low to the ground.

He can't kill you. He can't kill you. He can't kill you.

"I'm a human with my own free will." My voice quivered. I had yet to see him distort like this.

"You're a Demon." His arms grew even longer and his huge claws slammed down on either side of me. "A Demon without proper training on her magic. You are a danger to others and yourself." His face slowly came closer to mine. His mouth stopped moving as he spoke, instead his yellow teeth pulsing when he did.

I sprouted my wings and shot myself out from under him. He reached for me but I was too fast with my wings and wind magic. I dove backwards over the cliff and nearly fell into the sharp rocks at the bottom. I pushed myself over with wind and caught myself at the last second. Pain shot through my back at the force of the stop.

I boosted myself further away from the cliff and looked over my shoulder. My face paled at the sight of Alastor growing bigger than the house. I suddenly regretted my choice to run.

I clenched my teeth and flew higher up. I was in it now. I was a Full mage. If my magic was as untamed as he claimed, that meant I was unpredictable.

Black tentacles sprouted from his back and flew at me. I barely missed the first and the second slammed painfully into my foot. I dove down then pushed myself up into the gray clouds. The night sky would help provide cover.

At least, that's what I thought before his red eyes lifted above the clouds, sending a red light across their surfaces. His pupils were a radio dial but I knew that didn't lessen his sight. His sharp teeth appeared next.

I stopped flapping and fell back through the clouds. The tentacles were still there and came at me at inhuman speed. I couldn't evade them as they slammed into my face and chest. Fire did little and they wrapped around my legs and waist within seconds. I flapped furiously and dug my claws into their squishy skin.

The tentacles pulled me back towards the house. Alastor's terrifying figure shrunk the closer the tentacles drew me in. My flailing lessened as he returned to the state I recognized.

The tentacles pulled me in faster and he stuck out his clawed hand, enclosing around my throat. The black things unwrapped from me and pulled on my wings. My feet barely touched the ground as he held me way too close to the edge. His hand was securely under my jaw and digging into my skin so I started to bleed.

"You need to accept the fact that you will never leave this place for the rest of your life," he said with radio static behind his voice. He let me down so my feet were flat on the ground but so he could tower over me. I put one hand on his wrist and the other arm across his chest to keep him away.

"I'm growing tired of your antics. These little outbursts of yours will stop today." It was more terrifying that he was smiling through his anger. I leaned away despite the sheer drop beneath me, and he only followed never more than an inch away. "If you don't want me to treat you like a caged pet, I suggest you apologize and quit it with this delusion of yours."

His smile was wide and his breath smelled like roadkill. He dug his claws further into the wound he created, making me wince. "I'm-I'm sorry." He held me over the edge for several heartbeats. Eventually he pulled me away but didn't let get off my neck.

"I never want to hear you mention anything about leaving here, again. To me or to Husker. Do you understand?"

I wanted to cough from the way he was holding me but I held it in. The tentacles were still pulling onto my wings and pulling them painfully down. My resignation made my shoulders fall. "Perfectly."

He let go. I turned to the side to cough, clutching at my bleeding neck. I felt the wounds closing but the blood was still plastered to my skin.

"Good talk." His cane appeared in one hand and he put the other behind his back. His voice sounded chipper again. "Come, dear, let's clean you up." He held his hand out towards the house, looking at me sideways. I took a deep breath and walked past. He walked close behind me.

#alastor the radio demon #alastor x reader #hazbin alastor #hazbin hotel #soulmate au #soulmates #hazbin husk

[johnkahner]

hi !! i really your work and wanted to request something (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵) !! so how about a head canon/drabble of kuai liang & reader after the events of bi-han’s betrayal of the lin kuei. him, the reader and smoke would return to liu kang’s command in hiding. so while at the wu shi academy, the reader and kuai liang comfort each other of their lost. you can add onto it as well :) !!

AN: Hello, It makes me so happy to see people enjoy my works! All the support is highly appreciated! I hope you like it! I enjoyed writing it. Not proof read.

Notes: Gender-Neutral Reader, Drabble

While in hiding at the Wu Shi academy from Lin Kuei. It hurts you that you are hiding from those you once called family, but you are not alone at this moment. Besides you there are Kuai Liang and Tomas, your former Grandmaster’s younger brothers. While the three of you disagreed with him about his greed for more power, and to even consider making a deal with the snake, Shang Tsung. 

You were in the library reading about the history of the temple. You were only reading these documents to distract yourself from your thoughts of the place you once called home. Deep in thought and reading through these records, you fail to notice a certain man join you at the table you are sitting. A tapping on your shoulder makes you jolt a little from where you sit. Turing to head to glare at whoever decided to disturb your reading. You see that it is Kuai Liang. Sighing as he chuckles at your reaction to him distracting you. 

“Was that really necessary, Kuai?”

“How else was I supposed to get your attention? You were nose deep in these books,” He looks at the books in your hands, “About the history of the Wu Shi temple? I wasn’t aware that this interested you.”

“And what if it does interest me? Is that bad or something?”

He looks a bit shocked by your response.

“That was not my intention. I was just trying to joke around and lighten the mood.”

“Apologies.” You pause for a moment. “I.. I just don’t know how to react to recent events I guess.”

“I understand.” He heartily pats you on the back. “Just know that we are here if you need someone to talk to. You are important to my brother and me, especially me…” 

You look at him as he turns to look at you. Staring one another in the eyes. He makes you feel… warm. Not because he is a pyromancer. He just makes your insides feel all warm and bubbly. It’s not a bad feeling, you quite like it. You wonder if he feels the same towards you. 

“What are you thinking about so hard?”

“N-nothing!”

His eyebrow raises at your quick and panicked response.

“If you say so.”

Sitting in an awkward silence the two of you had no idea what should be said now. Kuai Liang stands up from his seat. Stretching his arm up above his head. You glance up to look in his direction, and you look at the way his muscles move as he stretches. He sees you staring at him from the corner of his eye. He then looks down at you, so you two could make eye contact.

“Would you like to join me on a walk?” 

“Oh! Um, sure! I’d love to walk with you.”

Kuai Liang chuckles at your reaction, and holds out his hand so he can escort you. You accept his kind gesture. The two of you walk around the temple reminiscing about memories the two of you share from the past. Some stories were happy, some were sad, but the two of you were just enjoying being near each other. The two of you are now standing under a tree. Standing face to face to look each other in the eyes. Stepping closer to him you both wrap each other’s arms around the other. 

The two of you have been through a lot, and hell this won’t be the end of your struggles. Kuai Liang, Tomas, and yourself will be working hard to form the Shirai Ryu. Hopefully you and Kuai Liang will be able to have the happy ending you both deserve in the new home you’re building together.

#mortal kombat #mortal kombat x reader #mortal kombat x you #mortal kombat imagine #kuai liang #kuai liang x reader #mk scorpion #scorpion x reader

[blues824]

Here With Me - Lilia Vanrouge x Reader

YOU SIMPS WON. FOR THAT REASON THIS HAS SOME MAJOR ANGST

@roxanavanrouge2400​ gave me an idea that I took inspiration from. Thanks, bestie!

The song is Here With Me, by d4vd.

Lilia Vanrouge

He was a very old fae with a lot of history behind him, but what a lot of people don’t know is that he had a spouse. You were his beloved Y/N, and you both first met when you were placed under his command. You quickly rose through the ranks and became his lieutenant. Unfortunately, along the way, you both made too many enemies and one of them got to you.

Now, you were but a distant memory to Lilia.The spouse of Vanrouge was no more, and Mr. Vanrouge was a widower. Not even Malleus remembers what you look like, which was a sad reality. Silver never got a chance to see his would-be-adoptive parent.

Even though it has been centuries, he still remembers the sound of your voice and the feeling of your hands in his. He may not remember your face clearly as your image has been weathered after so many years, he will always remember your wedding day.

It was a joyous occasion for all who attended, and it was the majority of the Briar Valley. That wasn’t uncommon, though, since Lilia was a very decorated general and you were his lieutenant. The two of you were “as thick as thieves, but as strong as heroes”, as per the words of the Queen.

Lilia sighed a heavy, melancholy sigh as he laid in his bedchambers in the Diasomnia dormitory. He looked at his desk where a framed picture stayed, and it was a photo of the portrait of the two of you on the aforementioned day. More memories started flooding into his head.

For example, your wedding attire. It was black, as per the custom of the Briar Valley, and you looked ravishing. In fact, as the bat fae saw you walking down the aisle, one of the many thoughts that went into his head was that he couldn’t wait until you both were in the privacy of your new home, if you know what I mean.

He quickly snapped out of it, seeing that it was very late at night and that he had some early classes the next day. The ex-general liked to keep a sharp sleep routine on school days so that he could lead his ‘sons’ by example. Plus, he needed to be energized if he was going to carry out his duty as Malleus’s guardian.

But once he entered the sweet abyss we call ‘sleep’, he was met by you. You looked happy to see him, and he was definitely very happy to see you. However, he knew that it wasn’t real. It never would be. That didn’t mean he wouldn’t indulge himself this one time, so he ran into your arms.

At that moment, he knew he would never want to wake up as long as you were there, and he wanted to be selfish and actually go through with it. However, there were people who depended on him and it just made him sadder to see you. You could sense it, and pulled away to hold his face.

“What are you doing here, darling?” He asked.

“You called for me.” Oh, your voice was exactly how he remembered it. “But I do have to leave soon.”

“Please don’t! I’m not ready to let you go…” He exclaimed desperately.

“Alright, my love. I will give you one last dance. Be wise in choosing,” you gave him a wink as you led him to a few records. Some of them were classics, and some were more modern songs. Each of them were about keeping someone close to you because you love them so much.

He selected a modern one that he enjoyed, and he took the record out of the sleeve and put it into the gramophone. The song started playing, and Lilia made his way to you and bowed down while extending his hand to you… just like he had on your wedding day.

You placed your hand in his, causing him to pull you into his chest. He was in his more mature form, so he was taller than usual. He looked around a bit as the music started, and he recognized your surroundings; it was your wedding venue. It was exactly the same, save for you being alone.

Then the lyrics started up:

Watch the sun rise along the coast

As we’re both getting old

I can’t describe what I’m feeling

He wasn’t even paying attention to the words. He was just happy to be back in your arms once again. He missed the feeling so much, and he hadn’t realized it until now. Upon looking again, you both were back in your wedding attire, and you looked just as dazzling as you did then.

And all I know is we’re going home

So please don’t let me go, oh

Don’t let me go, oh-oh-oh

You both had started swaying side-to-side, getting used to the melody of the very sad song. You knew exactly why he chose this one to dance to, but you knew that you couldn’t stay. No magic was strong enough to bring you back, and your soul needed rest.

And if it’s right

I don’t care how long it takes

As long as I’m with you

I’ve got a smile on my face

Lilia gently let you go and spun you around, only to bring you back into him. He did indeed have a smile on his face, but it wasn’t the happy one that you remember seeing at your wedding. No, it was a smile that was trying to hide pain so that he could savor his last few moments with you.

Save your tears, it’ll be okay

All I know is you’re here with me

Oh, oh, oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

The feeling of his dearly departed spouse wiping the flowing tears away was one that brought him both comfort and anguish. He closed his eyes, trying to memorize the way your touch upon his face felt. For a former soldier, your hands were gentle and kind, and he let out a huff of laughter at the thought.

Watch the sunrise as we're getting old, oh-oh

I can't describe, whoa-oh

That’s when he noticed that your surroundings were changing once again. It wasn’t a different scene, it was that everything was fading away in sparks. His grip on you tightened, fearful of the prospect of you fading away as well.

“I wish I could live through every memory again

Just one more time before we float off in the wind”

He whispered the lyrics so that only you would hear, not that it mattered anyway since you two were the only ones there. The entirety of the background faded away, and the trail of your wedding outfit was breaking off piece-by-piece into butterflies. You seemed to be going at a much slower rate than everything else, so Lilia knew that time was running out.

And all the time we spent

Waiting for the light to take us in

Have been the greatest moments of my life

Both of you leaned in so that your foreheads were touching. Tears streamed down both of your faces in a beautiful but sorrowful way. You didn’t want to leave, but you knew that you had to so that he could move on.

The butterflies were nearing your waist, but you were still moving back and forth as your husband led you in the small dance. It was very out of character to hear the sniffles and sobs coming from him, and it only broke your heart even more.

I don't care how long it takes

As long as I'm with you, I've got a smile on my face

Save your tears, it'll be okay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay-ay-ay-ay

Now, the two of you were aware that faes were not immortal. You would meet Lilia again once he has passed over. However, that wouldn’t be for a very long while. As much as he would love to continue dancing with you in the afterlife, he had 3 boys to look after.

What was left of you was your shoulders up. Your beloved took a long look at you, hoping to preserve you in his memory until his last breath. But, he could tell that this would be like any dream: he would forget just a few moments after he woke up. You quickly pulled him into a long and deep kiss, hoping to convey each word you wanted to say through that act of affection.

Yeah, if with me

Oh, oh, oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

I can't describe, oh, oh

In just a few moments, he was left kissing air. What was left of you was a single black butterfly, which resembled the type of fae you were. It flapped its wings a little as it was perched on the bridge of his nose. It was your final goodbye.

“Old man!” Silver shouted.

Lilia quickly sat up in his bed, disoriented until he spotted his dear son. He let out a shaky sigh of relief before quickly wiping the stray tear from his eyes. The memory of his dream quickly came flooding back into his mind, and he quickly went to write it down so that he would never forget, all-the-while Silver was confused as to what his father was doing.

#twst #twst x reader #twst x reader angst #disney twst #twst wonderland #twisted wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #lilia x reader #lilia vanrouge #lilia #twst lilia #twst lilia vanrouge #twst lilia x reader #lilia vanrouge x reader #diasomnia #diasomnia x reader