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#so they would literally just let me sleep or play pokemon in class as long as my grades were passable dhhfjfkf

supercasey · 4 years

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So I've been playing The Hades Game like fucking mad for the last few weeks, and although I'm not very far in it (at least, I don’t think I am; I’ve only beat Hades once!), I'm absolutely in love with it! Anyways, a certain idea has been kicking around in my head for awhile now, so I thought I'd share it with y'all; feel free to tell me what you think of it! (Warning: spoilers for when you beat Hades the first time!)

Anyways, I've already seen a really cool AU post for if Demeter raised Zagreus on the surface by herself (which you can find HERE; please check it out, the outfit for Zag alone is an amazing concept, and I love the artwork!!!) but I keep thinking about an AU where, after Zagreus dies at birth, Persephone runs away and takes his wrapped up body with her.

On the surface, she reconnects/reunites with her mother Demeter, and with her aid, the two of them manage to resurrect the newborn baby, though now he has more white in his hair than anything else. After that, Persephone sends Hades a letter to tell him that Zagreus is alive and well (because she actually has some fucking class), before proceeding to raise Zagreus on the surface with her mother, far away from the entrance to hell. The Olympians also help her out a bit, but mostly they just help by hiding Zagreus when it’s necessary.

(The rest is under a cut ‘cus this got a bit long, sorry!)

Years pass in relative peace, until Zagreus is about as old as he is in-game (I think he’s around 20-25ish???) and is living well, working with his mom and grandma to take care of their gardens and live peacefully away from mankind; he especially loves tending to the animals and guiding lost mortals to safety. However, one day while foraging for fruit in the deepest corners of his mother’s signature garden, Zagreus happens across a strange man in long robes, who introduces himself as Thanatos.

The two men get along swimmingly from minute one, and after agreeing to meet with each other again soon, they leave and tell their families/friends all about the experience, having no clue who they are to each other. After all, Thanatos was told growing up that his lord’s first wife died giving birth to their first and only child, who was a stillborn, and Zagreus thinks his father died of disease (his mom didn’t have to heart to tell him anything bad about his dad). Needless to say, they’re gonna be in for quite the shock soon.

Cue Hades losing his shit and calling on Thanatos, Megaera, and Achilles to go find his progeny and bring him home; he gives them special permission to leave the Underworld without any resistance, trusting Than to lead the way back to Zagreus. Achilles is less than thrilled to be performing such a morally grey task for his master, but Meg and Than are eager to prove themselves, so he begrudgingly agrees to help, even if it hurts his conscience to do so.

Persephone and Demeter also freak the hell out on their end, scared shitless by the fact that Death incarnate has just met their son/grandson, and they’re worried that he plans on coming back again soon. Demeter suggests sending Zagreus to live with the Olympians until this all blows over, but Persephone disagrees, wanting her son to stay nearby in case he grows ill (it’s implied that she’s a bit overprotective of him, mostly because she’s afraid of him dying again; this also means she refuses to let him know that he’s in any danger, believing it would only make things worse for him in the long-run). Frustrated but understanding her daughter’s pain all too well, Demeter at least convinces her to call on the Olympians for aid, which Persephone agrees to do.

The gods promise to help of course, but... well, they're low-key lying; they wanna see how this plays out first.

After several days of traveling through hell (literally), the “let’s kidnap Zagreus” gang makes it to the surface, and they immediately head to Persephone’s garden. All this time, Zagreus has no idea that he’s being targeted, so he goes about his chores as usual, only to run into Than again, and hey, he brought some more friends for him to meet! Zagreus is friendly with all of them, being raised to be very polite by his guardians, and while he’s busy chatting with Than and Achilles, he doesn’t notice Meg sneaking behind him. Just as Zagreus is rattling on about how the animals have been faring this summer, Meg stabs Zagreus in the back with a blade coated in Hades’s blood, cursing him to belong to the Underworld again.

With Zagreus now unconscious from a sedative that was mixed with the blood, the trio hurry off with him back to the Underworld, but not without Persephone seeing what they’ve done to her son. Horrified, she begins to sob, and winter arrives in the mortal world without so much as a fall season in-between this and the summertime.

When Zagreus comes to, he finds himself in a bedroom similar to the one he has in the game, but it’s much cleaner and has less objects of personal value to him. Hades is standing at the foot of his bed when he wakes up, and very calmly, Hades tells Zagreus that he’s his father, and that from now on, Zagreus will be living in the Underworld with him and his people, where he so obviously belongs. It’s a shame his mother can’t be here, of course, but they just need to wait awhile, that’s all; surely she’ll come to her senses and return home soon, now that her husband and son are here.

Zagreus jumps out of bed and faces his father as soon as he’s done monologuing, ready to tell him off for what he’s done, but to his shock, Hades hugs him as soon as he’s on his feet, and admits that he’s waited for this day for a long, long time. He asks his son to please just accept that this is his home now, and despite still being a bit surprised (and subtly hugging Hades back because Longing), Zagreus tells him straight up that he can’t, that he has to get home, especially with winter coming in a few months!

Dejected but not overly surprised, Hades simply nods in acceptance, but he still warns Zagreus that it’s no use trying to fight it; he’s stuck here, now and forever, so he may as well get comfortable and try getting along with him, because no one’s going anywhere anytime soon. Zagreus is horrified, but he nods nonetheless, unsure of what to say or do just yet.

Later that night, as Zagreus is struggling to sleep in this new, unfamiliar place, Achilles comes to him and apologizes about what’s happened, and although he can’t magically fix everything for him, he tells Zagreus that it actually is supposedly possible to escape; it’s just that no one’s ever done it before. Driven by his desire for freedom and the thought of reuniting with his mother, Zagreus tells Achilles that he’s going to find a way out, no matter the cost. Achilles congratulates him on his tenacity, but warns him that it won’t be easy. Still, he’s willing to help Zagreus as much as he can.

From then on, I imagine the game playing out very differently from the original, with a rather frazzled and scared Zagreus trying to get home to his mom and grandma, but with none of his training from Achilles in this AU, he has to rely on something his mother taught him; his connection with earth and all it’s inhabitants. Or, in his case, his connection with the spirits of animals (a cross of his dad and mom’s powers). That’s right, I’m making The Hades Game into a fucking Pokemon-ripoff, but still with some rouge-like elements mixed in (mostly with Zagreus not keeping his animals after runs).

Having royally fucked up in not stepping in sooner to protect Zagreus, the gods end up helping him out by sending down animals associated with them for the young god to tame for a run (I’ll come up with them later). They usually offer a selection to choose from, and from there Zagreus can build up a team and use it to try and escape the Underworld.

To replace weapons, I like to think he’d have “signature” animals that can help him out for any of his runs, specifically ones from Achilles, Poseidon, Zeus, Demeter (once he reaches the surface at least once), and eventually even Hades gives him one if they bond together enough ((yes, it’s Cerberus... kinda; it’s a puppy version of him, otherwise he’d be OP as fuck)). Zagreus’s signature animals can all be given names, and they keep certain skills that they pick up through enough experience battling in the Underworld for Zagreus.

As for story-line stuff, Zagreus ends up in a very fish out of water situation as he tries to get to know everyone in Hades’s house (he’s still our kindhearted Zag, after all, and he knows most of them aren’t to blame, not even really Than!) while also focusing on his goal to get home to his mom. Hades ends up being a lot nicer to him in this AU, perhaps overly so, as he’s trying to make his son like him more in order to make up for lost time (and fill the hole in his heart that Zag’s initial death as an infant and Persephone leaving with him created). It’s part of the reason he’s even letting Zagreus try to escape; he wants him to learn that it won’t work on his own terms (and maybe also scare the kid so bad that he comes running to him for comfort afterwards).

Also, I should really note that Zagreus is 100% a sweet country farm boy in this AU, and he has no idea what the fuck is going on with pretty much anything in the Underworld, much to everyone’s astonishment. For example:

Meg: Gods, it must be weird getting used to everything down here, huh? Sick of stepping in bat shit yet? Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it, and Dusa’s pretty good about cleaning it up to begin with. Zagreus: I mean, I guess? It’s not that different from chicken shit tbh. Meg: What the fuck is a chicken???

After that... yeah, I dunno. I’ll try playing Hades some more, see if I think up anything else that could be interesting, but for now, I hope at least someone ends up liking this dumb AU (if not, I’ll still like it... might even try my hand at drawing for it a bit tbh). Again, please check out the person who’s post/art I linked earlier in the post, ‘cus their art is really awesome and inspired me to include Demeter more in this AU!

#supercasey ramblings #hades game #zagreus #zagreus hades #thanatos #hades #persephone #demeter #megaera #achilles #hades farmboy au #i dunno what else to fucking call it #thanzag #if ya squint

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denqis · 4 years

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friends with benefits x bakubros

this is x fem! reader

warnings: smut, 18+, choking, unprotected sex

kaminari denki

- you and denki have known each other since kindergarten

- you never thought of him as anything but a good childhood friend

- you used to hang out a lot together, getting drunk

- you usually talked a lot about sex, sexual preferences, your kinks etc.

- you get very horny when you're drunk

- every time the topic would come up, he'd just listen and watch with risen brows and a little smirk

- you were so kinky, he liked it

- then, at kirishima's birthday party the two of you constantly stole glances

- you didn't know what was going on, you suddenly felt butterflies everywhere when you looked at him

- as the night progressed you sat closer and closer to him

- all of the sudden you felt his hand on your thigh, butterflies literally exploding in your stomach

- he was very careful at first, unsure of what to do

- but then you put your hand on top of his and he knew

- one hand was intertwined with yours while the other crept closer and closer to your core, drawing circles on your inner thigh

- you felt kiri's stare on you and felt really embarrassed, this was a guy you had known since you can remember

- the night neared it's end and you were one of the last two leaving

- your dad picked both of you up, you getting in in front, him right behind you

- it was awkward, until you suddenly felt his hand reaching through the small opening between door and seat

- you held hands the whole ride home until he got dropped off

- you lived two blocks from each other

- you were super tired and got ready for bed, when he called

- the call was very very awkward because you didn't know what to do

- in the end you climbed through a window and ran to his place

- he greeted you with a hungry kiss

- as soon as you were in his room he continued kissing you, y'all made out for a solid five minutes

- suddenly he lifted you up, making you squeal

- he dropped you onto his bed where he continued kissing you

- "shit, you kiss so good?"

- he was breathless and you just continued kissing him, a sly smile on your face

- he knew you were a virgin and he knew you didn't feel confident in your body from all the drunk deep talk

- he explored your body and praised it

- "you're so hot."

- dry humps you and you FEEL it

- he then continues exploring your body, massaging your tits and choking you

- you lean into his touch, "more"

- he tightens his grip, a smirk on his face

- "more.."

- he fucked you, hard

- it was amazing, he knew what you wanted and how you liked it

- he wanted you to sleep over at his but since you climbed through the damn window you had to return home

- y'all meet up frequently to fuck

- exchanging knowing glances at school, during class

- sneaky touches in gym class

- this is basically my personal experience but pssh

kirishima eijirou

- you and eiji hit it off almost immediately after getting into ua

- you once accidentally stepped into the boy's bathroom

- ok fine it was a dare from the other girls and they guaranteed you that no one would be in there

- well, they were wrong

- you went in there in just an oversized shirt and panties, your basic sleeping attire

- that's just how the girls hung out

- the shirt was white and had your favorite pokemon printed on it

- just your luck, kirishima was in there too

- the boy takes steaming hot baths

- the steam immediately making your shirt cling to your body

- "y/n?!"

- oh my god this was so embarrassing, he had free vision on your nipples

- but he's a gentleman so he just stared at the floor, asking you why in the world you were there in the first place

- "i got lost.."

- you bit your lip, kirishima's muscles were deliciously defined and bulky

- you took a few steps towards him, admiring his build

- he visibly shivered and stared right into your eyes

- "what are you doing?"

- he was whispering and it was so god damn hot

- "enjoying the view?"

- you were unusually bold but if you were being honest, he had caught your eyes long before

- you'd be lying if you hadn't fantasized about him dominating you

- "we shouldn't be doing this, what if someone walks in?"

- he was panicking, but once his eyes caught your hard nipples his primal instincts took over

- "we're not doing anything though?"

- you played innocent and he was loving it

- "not yet anyways."

- he had you against a wall and started kissing down your neck, his huge hands playing with your boobs and flicking your nipples

- you were about to moan when his lips latched onto yours

- "you brought this upon yourself."

- you completely forgot about the girls waiting for you to return and just melted into his touch

- i don't think kiri could hide the fact that you've had sex

- so yeah the whole squad knows by the end of the week

- you text him a lot, wanting more and he always gets this smile and blush that gives it away

- bakugou is so annoyed by it

- "i bet that she'd be all over me too."

- but you aren't

- you love kirishima's body and god his stroke game and oral skills are to die for

- you're awfully obvious that something's going on

- you almost meet daily at this point

- i feel like he's quick to harbor feelings tho

- so unless you want your fuck-buddy to turn into your boyfriend i don't think he'd stick around for long

- it'd hurt him too much

sero hanta

- bitch

- this boy is so touch-deprived

- you knew, the whole class knew

- but he never dared to come onto anyone, let alone you

- you were best friends and he trusted you with everything

- one night you showed up at his room, sobbing

- he knew why, you had planned on confessing to your crush that day

- apparently he had rejected you

- he opened his door and you jumped into his arms, his face buried between your boobs

- "hanta.."

- you were miserable, sobbing but somehow the scent of his hair and his incredibly strong grip around your thighs calmed you down

- you leaned back a bit, sniffling and looking down on his blushed cheeks

- "y/n, i'll always be here for you."

- he tried to remain calm but deep down he just tried to prevent a boner from popping at such a inconvenient time

- you wanted to sleep over, he was okay with it

- you had slept over a countless amount of times already

- "you want the hammock or my bed?"

- "can we sleep together?"

- he almost choked, you didn't mean it like that, surely

- "sure!"

- he laid down, breathing calmly

- until you crawled on top of his chest, blushed a deep red

- "i.. haven't touched myself in weeks."

- ok???? his heart almost dropped out of his ass

- "could you?"

- you took his hand and guided it down your pants

- "we really shouldn't y/n."

- "are you going to reject me too? am i that disgusting?"

- holy fuck that broke his heart

- he sits up and pulls you in for the most loving kiss ever

- "you're great."

- he flips you over and finally lets loose

- he fingered you for HOURS, he had you screaming his name

- if it wasn't for his tape across your mouth the whole dorm would've known

- hammers into you relentlessly

- after that night he's scared that you won't be able to return to how you were before

- but both of you handled it surprisingly well

- "thanks for the other day."

- both of you are too shy to directly ask for a second time but if there's enough tension and maybe weed/alcohol i'm sure something is to happen again

bakugou katsuki

- you had been clashing with him for a long time

- every time he'd insult you or your friends you'd talk back at him

- he had threatened to beat you up so many times but never actually went through with it

- today was just like the other days, shoto said something and bakugou just had to comment on it

- "oh someone suffers from small dick syndrome? how unfortunate."

- "shut the fuck up before-"

- "before what? you bash my face in?"

- you rolled your eyes and focused on the work in front of you

- you were about to leave when bakugou jumped up and slammed you against a wall

- your lungs almost collapsed from the impact as you gasped for air

- "what the fuck is wrong with you?!"

- he stared at you, not saying anything

- his fiery stare made you blush, up close he was really really good looking

- "fucking bitch."

- he sneered and let you go

- usually you'd fire back an insult at him but his caramel scent and face still clouded your mind

- that night you couldn't fall asleep for various reasons and decided to take a stroll around campus

- "what are you doing here?"

- his deep, raspy voice came from the kitchen and your core clenched at the sound

- you shouldn't be like that, you couldn't just let him win you over like that

- "i asked you something didn't i?!"

- his voice suddenly was right at your ear, sending shivers down your entire body

- he took your hair into his hand and pulled your head back

- the strain on your neck made you hiss

- "not so tough now, huh?"

- his free hand wrapped around your throat as his body pressed you against the nearest wall

- you gasped when you felt his erection press against your ass

- "bakugou, stop it. i'll kill you."

- your voice was squeaky and strained

- he chuckled and roamed his hands down your backside, toying with the hem of your joggers

- "go on, try and kill me."

- two of his fingers rubbed over your clothed slit roughly, elicting a low moan

- "fuck bakugou."

- "that's more like it, no, brat?"

- he roughly turned you around and ripped your joggers down your legs in another swift movement

- heat shot to your cheeks, you weren't wearing any panties and your light grey pants already showed your wetness

- "so you're enjoying this?"

- he just took your left leg and wrapped it around his waist, plunging two fingers at once in

- you cried out and threw your head back

- "shut the fuck up, we don't want to wake anyone up."

- he scissored his fingers a few times and curled them up against your g-spot

- you came all over his fingers

- "holy shit, bakugou more."

- he's wearing the cockiest smile ever

- and when he gets out his hard cock you just can't help but moan out loudly

- "what was that again about my cock being small?"

- he didn't hesitate and pushed into you, burying himself to the hilt

- you were trying your best to stay quiet but as soon as he started moving you lost it

- you were a moaning, whimpering mess

- "i told you to shut up."

- your eyes are glassy and your mouth hangs wide open and he suddenly feels so drawn to kissing you, so he just does

- you were surprised but hungrily kissed back

- he came inside and you wanted to kill him, but once he pulled out and took a step back you fell to the floor

- "if you're always this wrecked after one round i don't think we can carry on doing this, princess."

- he carries you to your room aw

- after sex bakugou is surprisingly soft

- both of you got addicted to each other after this ngl

- you loved having no strings attached

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stormtodoroki · 4 years

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Until Sunrise ~ Tokoyami x Reader

4,715 words

Warnings: Swearing, Reader can be a bit of a jerk

AN: Here’s another discord server prompt.

Prompt: Spooky

Summary: An unknown host has invited Class 1A to a Halloween party, when they arrive they soon find out everything isn't as it seems to be, is Class 1A being punked by Class 1B? Read to find out!

I hastily searched my room for my costume, all of us in class 1-A decided to go out for Halloween and I was going as a bad to the bone bounty hunter. I decided to stop looking and fix my hair, I looked in the mirror and smiled at my reflection, my hair looked good and my horror makeup was on point. I drew a scar from my left eyebrow down to my cheek, I blended eyeshadow on my right eye and under my chin to look like nasty bruises, I also used a cotton swab dipped in blood spray to make open wounds. I was about to continue finishing up the final touches when there was a knock at the door, glancing at the clock I was confused surely bird boy wouldn't be here yet. Would he? No… He'd be early by 2 and a half hours. I walked to the door and when I opened it I saw my best friend Aizawa, Beth at the door dressed in Eraserhead's attire.

"Really? Going as our teacher? I thought you said you were going to be something scary?"

Beth gave me a look and shook her head with a scoff. "Seriously? You don't think Mr. Aizawa is scary?"

Well, I do but I wasn't going to tell Beth that, so I shook my head and walked over to my mirror so I could finish my makeup, I allowed Beth to enter and told her to close the door and lock it so none of the boys peeked in. Once I heard the lock click I turned to her.

"Got the rest of my costume ready? I'm so ready to see what ideas the boys thought of." I smirked as I grabbed the bag from Beth and went to change in the bathroom. This party was going to be fun and I couldn't wait to win the costume contest, well if there was one…

An hour later I looked at myself in the mirror and was pleased with the outcome, I turned to Beth and shook my head.

"Couldn't you at least sleep deprived yourself to look tired so it'd look more realistic? No offense but you look like a knock off of sensei."

Beth rolled her eyes and opened the door, "Come on they're probably waiting for us." she walked out of the room and into the Hall. By the time I made sure I had everything I needed for the night, or may have a need for, I stepped out of my dorm and headed for the common area.

"Woooah, nice costume. You look amazing! How long did it take you to make that?"

I gave a triumphant smile and puffed out my chest with pride. "Oh, you know how creativity takes time to escape one's mind. I'd say this took about two and a half weeks to complete." Denki looked at me and laughed before he shook his head.

"Two and a half weeks to tear up some clothes and spray fake blood on them? Wow… how many times did you screw up (Y/N)?" He clutched his stomach as he laughed. "I wasn't even asking you, I was asking Beth. Her costume is just great, I bet she could walk around town and people would think Eraserhead was shrunken by a quirk."

"Tch… it's not even that good… You can tell that she bought it from the store and didn't even try to make it on her own." I shook my head and walked away and decided to go outside to get some fresh air, there was no way I was gonna be upstaged by someone who didn't even make their own costume, friend or not I was gonna be the best dressed at the party.

"Hey, what are you doing out here? Thought you'd be helping the others with their final touches before we head out to the party?"

I looked over to the voice and saw Tokoyami, he was dressed like a pirate, with Dark Shadow dressed like a parrot. It was kinda cute, I felt a bit of blush rise to my cheeks but quickly shook my head. "Nothing really that important, I just wanted to get some fresh air, it's getting kind of stuffy in there with everyone freaking out over each other's costumes. I just wanted to get away from it all."

Tokoyami merely nodded and held up his invite before pointing down the walkway.

"Did you wanna maybe get a head start and walk with me to the party? I'm sure the others will catch up when they are ready to get there."

I nodded and held up my invitation and put it away before we started to walk over to the party.

"True. Though it's kinda strange to receive an invitation to a party and not have any idea who it's from isn't it? I mean there was no signature on it, what if it's a prank from class 1B? I mean everyone from 1A was invited… doesn't that seem a bit weird to you Tokoyami?"

Tokoyami robbed his head in thought as we continued to walk and shrugged. "I do agree that it may seem a bit unordinary to receive an invitation without knowing our host, but it is possible they wish to remain unknown as part of the theme of the party. After all it is Halloween, our host must be playing their role without error to be more convincing."

I nodded, perhaps he was right, Halloween is a time for good scares, perhaps it was just part of a themed party, and I was overthinking everything due to the recent events that my classmates and I have gone through.

"Hey! Wait up!"

Tokoyami and I turned around and saw four of our classmates running towards us, as they got closer I scowled internally to myself. Izuku was dressed as All Might, go figure he'd dress as his favorite hero, Uraraka had dressed up as a bunny which was actually kind of cute,I had to fight myself from squealing out loud. I looked over towards the other two who ran toward us and saw Beth with Todoroki, who dressed up as a werewolf, it was pretty convincing to say the least and appeared to be homemade. I looked between the four and turned to Izuku, Uraraka, and Todoroki and gave the trio a smile.

"Oh hey you guys, great costumes. They look amazing, did you guys make them on your own?"

Uraraka and Izuku nodded while Todoroki shook his head, I turned to him and cocked my head to the side. But it looks so good and unprofessionally made, why'd he shake his head no?

"I didn't want to go to this, it seems childish to go to Halloween parties. But Beth practically begged me to go until I agreed." Todoroki looked to her unamused and shook his head. "It was quite annoying actually, I only agreed to make her shut up. I didn't think I'd actually have to wear a costume but everyone insisted, so I grabbed the first thing I found and went with it."

"Well, it looks great on you, you could have fooled me."

Uraraka, who was whispering to Izuku, turned to me before pointing to Beth.

"Did you know that Beth actually made her costume? She even got Aizawa-sensei to let her borrow some clothes. So cool right?!"

I scoffed and turned away to begin walking, I just wanted to get to the party and avoid those four for the rest of the night.

"Yeah, sure. He probably did it because he wanted her to leave him alone. Just like how Todoroki only agreed to the party because he wanted Beth to leave him alone."

After walking with Tokoyami, Izuku, Uraraka, Beth and Todoroki for about 15 minutes we finally made it to a rather large estate decorated as if it were old and abandoned. Windows were broken, roofing tiles were missing, the cobwebs looked like they were left unattended for months, different areas off the rain gutter were broken off and the paint was faded and chipped.

"Wow, someone went a bit overboard with the decorations this year huh? Oh well. I think it's cute!"

"Ura-uraraka… Y-you think it's cute?"

"Yeah, Deku. Whoever decorated was really committed to making the house look spooky. I find that determination kinda cute!"

"I-if you say so… I guess I could see what you mean… Whoever our host is they must really like Halloween…" Izuku kept muttering about the person and the possibilities for why they were able to make their house look so amazing and what may have driven them.

"Are you sure it's decorations? This place looks like it had been abandoned for years and decided to use it for the party… if that's even allowed."

"Whatever, FreezerBurn, let's just get inside and worry about everything else later when the others arrive. It's cold out here."

The group nodded and the six of them stood at the doors where Beth knocked and they opened on their own.

"Okay… that's not weird at all."

We walked in and gasped at the surroundings, more cobwebs were strewn about, broken photo frames that seemed to be at least a hundred years old hung crooked on the walls, dust had settled on most the lights and furnishings. The only modern things that stood out to them were the signs pointing to an invitation box in the wall and the two long tables filled with Halloween themed drinks and treats.

The six of them decided to eat and talk amongst themselves while waiting for the others to arrive. Izuku and Uraraka went straight to the snacks where the two marveled at how the treats looked so well done and delicious, while Beth and Todoroki went to serve themselves drinks. It was about 10 minutes later when the rest of the class arrived in small groups.

"Hey! (Y/N)! You guys got here kinda early huh? Man, this place looks so creepy am I right?"

Since he had approached us, Tokoyami and I were stuck by the main doors talking to Denki, who was dressed as a Pokemon or something, I didn't pay attention to his words. In fact I had been zoning out until the lights started to flicker a bit, we thought it may have been part of the decorations so we didn't pay too much attention. Not until the room was sent into a darkness, there were screams, shuffling and some curses thrown about the dark room. Soon the room erupted into light and the room let out a collective sigh of relief.

"Thank God that didn't last long, I don't like the dark." I looked to the voice and scoffed… Denki, of course he'd be afraid of the dark…

"Denki… your quirk is literally electricity… How?"

After a few seconds of silence from the boy, who I assume was either ignoring me or lost in thought, I decided to find Tokoyami, after all Dark shadow gets harder to control in the dark so I wanted to make sure that he was okay. It didn't take me long to spot him over by the snacks with an agitated Bakugou, who was dressed in a dress?

"Don't get any ideas dunce face, it's not what you think. I'm the God of War, Hades or whatever his name was."

"Like I cared about your damn costume Bedsheet Boy, I came to talk with the pirate."

I grabbed onto Tokoyami's hand and dragged him away somewhere a little less crowded, I took a breath to ease my nerves and looked into his eyes.

"Are you okay Tokoyami? Dark shadow didn't try to give you any trouble?" I rushed the words out but he had nonetheless nodded and gave my shoulders a pat.

"Thank you for the concern (Y/N), I assure you everything is fine and Dark Shadow has actually been quite tame this whole evening. He's been quite fascinated by all of our classmates' costumes and he keeps trying to figure what everyone is."

That's actually cute, who knew that dark shadow could be so adorable? I gave Tokoyami a grin as I was about to open my mouth to tell him what I thought of our Classmates costumes when a furry hand gripped my shoulder, inlet outback shriek and sighed in relief when i realized it was Todoroki.

"Oh uh… Hey Todoroki, what's up?"

"Have you seen Beth? She was next to me before the power went out. And I haven't been able to find her."

"Oh geez, what a bummer. Are you sure she didn't just go outside?"

"No, I don't think she would have gone outside, especially that fast. The lights were only out for about a minute. But I guess it wouldn't hurt to look out there. "

Tokoyami and I watched as Todoroki walked to the front doors, he gave a tug, no luck. He tried again but they didn't move and gave no sign of opening soon.

"Hey Half and half! Why don't you try pushing?"

"Already did Bakugou, if you were paying attention instead of eyeing Denki you'd have noticed that."

Shit… Bakugou was staring at Denki? Everyone's gaze turned from Todoroki to the hot head before looking to a stunned and flustered Denki, who opened his mouth to say something when the room once again was pitch black.

"Hello UA Hero Course 1A. I am your host tonight, Monsieur King. Tonight you have the honor of being a part of my game." The dark room was silent for a bit before chuckles bounced off the walls. "What game you ask? Let me just say, you have until sunrise to find your classmate I have stolen from you, if you don't you'll never see her again. Also to make things a little more interesting I have drugged you all with a powerful potion that will be taking affect any minute now. The potion has already disabled your quirks, the next step will be a painful transformation into whatever costume you have decided to wear tonight, you'll gain just about all the qualities of the costume as well. This potion can only be undone with the antidote which I have hidden somewhere in the house, if you fail to find the antidote you'll be stuck as your costume until next Halloween. Good luck young heroes, your journey starts now."

The lights turned on and everyone was silent until Mineta, Denki, and Mina began crying. I scoffed and shook my head, why was I stuck with such babies as classmates?

"Enough! We need to have a calm and level head. We need to separate into groups and work together to find this antidote and also find Beth. As it's clear to see she's the only one missing out of us all."

Everyone turned to Todoroki who sounded worried even though he looked as calm as ever.

"How are we gonna do that? If you haven't noticed I'm dressed as a . This isn't going to be good!"

I looked around at my fellow classmates' costumes, Kirishima dressed as the Crimson Riot, so like Izuku he was dressed as his favorite hero. Scanning the rest of the class I noticed more and more animal costumes than heroes or villains.

"Hey Tokoyami, does Todoroki seem a bit tense? He seems a bit agitated about this whole thing… More upset than scared, like everybody else seems to be panicking."

I looked over to Tokoyami and watched him nod before he tapped his foot in thought. We stayed silent for a few moments before he shrugged.

"Who knows what truly angers a man? If I had to guess, it might be because Beth was taken and now we're all going to be turned into our costumes. If he had said no to Beth he wouldn't be in this mess. It is also possible that Todoroki has feelings for her."

Ha. Right, Todoroki had feelings for Beth… like I'd believe that. I shook my head and let out a small laugh, for the next half hour or so the class separated into groups. Those who may be helpful, those who definitely weren't gonna be helpful and those who were going to need help if they gain animalistic traits.

Sero had dressed up as a mummy so he wasn't gonna be much help if his limbs started falling apart or if he wasn't able to use his vocal cords. Mineta had dressed up as Cupid, so we decided he'd be more annoying then helpful since he would have as he put it 'The power of Love' on his side. Denki had confirmed that his costume was actually the Pokemon Teddiursa, 'cute but deadly' was his reasoning so we decided to use him as a wild card, if we needed his help we'd try, but our only fear is that he'd be unable to control himself. Mina had decided to be laid back this year, she had dressed in pink baggy clothing and told us she was gum, guess that'd be useful for getting people stuck? Jiro was dressed as a Tasmanian devil so we figured we'd need someone to hold her down, which meant Izuku would have to try his best.

As the hour ticked to its end we all grew nervous, the potions didn't seem to have taken their toll on us besides for taking out quirks. We didn't know who was gonna turn on us and who wasn't, it felt like we were walking on eggshells.

"I swear if this was all a prank… SOMEONE'S GOING TO DIE!" We all heard Bakugou yell, but we couldn't see him, as the lights had gone off again. Soon cries of agony and sounds of movement reverberated off the walls, as one by one each class member of 1A was transformed into something they dressed up as because they thought was going to be fun.

The lights turned back on, they felt brighter than before, (Y/N) reached up and rubbed her head in pain. Her hand felt sticky so she looked at her fingers and groaned. Of course she had to add injuries to her bounty hunter costume, why couldn't she have just been basic?

Looking around she saw that her classmates all began to do the same as her. Confusion strewn about everyone's faces before the animals, well they became animals. Bunny Uraraka had to run away from the once tame Jiro and now was a raging Tasmanian devil, Izuku now All Might had swiftly pinned down side Tasmanian devil, but he was struggling.

"G-go! Find the antidote, f-find Beth...Quickly!" Izuku struggled to keep his hold but looked at us and gave us an All Might smile before turning his attention back to Tazzy Jiro.

"I think we should go find Beth, she's dressed as EraserHead, maybe she could use his quirk and maybe stop some of these guys from freaking out."

"Eh… Do whatever you want Todoroki, I am looking for that antidote first.Come on Tokoyami, off we find that antidote everything will go back to normal."

Tokoyami agreed that it was better to search for the antidote, after Beth could hold her own. He and (Y/N) were practically tearing apart the house to find the antidote. Though it had been easy at first they soon saw that Jiro had gotten free and was charging at them, the two of them ran as fast as they could but came to a halt went they were met with a Teddiursa.

"D-Denki?"

The small Pokemon let out a shrill cry and launched into attack, clawing and biting at Tokoyami, who struggled to get him off due to Dark Shadow now being a parrot and him being a pirate with a missing arm. How (Y/N) didn't notice that at first she didn't know, quickly she grabbed a nearby lamp and smashed it upon Denki's head.

"Sorry Kaminari, but you were hurting our friend."

(Y/N) didn't see it but Tokoyami had the slightest bit of blush on his face, he urged her on seeing as they'd somehow lost Jiro. He stole glances over her way as they moved from room to room.

"Thanks, fer yer help back der. I appreciate it Lassie."

(Y/N) simply nodded, she didn't know how to respond, especially when Tokoyami's pirate voice had given her chills. They had been searching for what felt like days, the two of them were growing tired, they leaned against a nearby wall and let out a breath.

"Tokoyami…You're welcome. I didn't say it earlier because I heard your voice and thought I was gonna end up giggling. There's nothing wrong with it, I just wasn't expecting the pirate talk."

"Thas quite alright Lassie. Yer right it be weird. Me own voice has done crossed me."

(Y/N) looked over shyly and let out a soft laugh before facing Tokoyami fully.

"If you'd be alright with it, after we get through this that is. Would you perhaps like to go out on a date? I-its fine if you don't want to… I-its just I really like you Tokoyami and I enjoy spending time with you."

Tokoyami's face grew red and he grew nervous as he looked away, he mumbled a few curses and turned back to (Y/N).

"Ah, ye beat me to me own question Lassie. Thar be no one I'd rather chose. I accept yer date. I really like ye too Lassie."

The two stared at each other lovingly, the dim lighting in the room made it feel rather romantic around the two of them. (Y/N) and Tokoyami both slowly eased in, their lips ghosting each others. They pulled away when they heard a shout, followed by what seemed to be explosions, they stared at each other confused until they remembered what's been going on.

"Stay still damn it!"

The shouts grew louder as they grew closer, making it back to the others they were surprised to see Bakugou, holding actual fire in his hands as he threw them towards Mineta. Mineta was crying countless apologies as he ran, heart shaped arrows in his hands as he tried to escape Bakugou's reign of terror.

"What the Hell? Bakugou what's the meaning of this?"

"He thinks it's funny to try and shoot us with those damned arrows. He already hit Uraraka, which seeing as she's a literal bunny and she's been going after Al- Deku, who is holding off Jiro you can see how badly that can go. Now he's trying to hit anyone who comes past him."

"Maybe he's learned his lesson, if not we'll hold him down and you can do whatever it is you're trying to do."

Mineta stopped running and looked between (Y/N) and Bakugou before giving up, he threw down the bow and arrows. "Not like it worked anyways. She didn't fall in love with me, I'll just have to try something different."

"Ye think we be back to normal before Sun rests above thar trees over yonder."

(Y/N) blinked for a moment before realizing what he had asked, she frowned and shook her head.

"I don't know Tokoyami, but I sure hope so. Sunrise is already near and we have no antidote to turn us back to normal."

"You forgot the part where we also don't have Beth. What if she's the key to finding the antidote?"

(Y/N) let out a sigh and shook her head before turning over to Bakugou.

"I didn't forget about her, I just didn't think it was important to include her. She's a big girl she probably could have gotten out on her own, especially since she dressed up as our Sensei."

Bakugou scoffed and turned around, walking away from the group.

"I'm going to help that half and half bastard before I have to be stuck like this with you losers until next Halloween."

Shortly after the words left his mouth screams pierced through the air… weird that kind of sounded like Beth.

Tokoyami, Bakugou and (Y/N) ran to the screams and stood shocked, their classmate was chained to a wall and Todoroki, at least they hoped the werewolf in front of them was Todoroki, stalked around Beth. She looked like Eraser Head but still sounded like her normal self did it not work on her? But if it didn't work why didn't she just use her quirk to escape? (Y/n)'s train of thought was broken when they werewolf slashed out at Beth, Bakugou stepped forward and threw a fire of ball at him.

"Hey! Leave her alone! Beth, where's Todoroki? Stop crying damn it! We are running out of time!"

Beth sent Bakugou a glare, she was definitely mad at the boy, but she let out a sigh before she spoke.

"Katsuki, that is Shoto. H-he was fine a few moments ago, he was trying to pick the locks when he got a headache. Next thing I knew he transformed into a werewolf."

So it is Todoroki, this may have made things a little harder but that's fine.

The lights in the building flashed again and the sounds of applause surrounded them, as if it were coming out of the walls.

"Well done Class 1A! You have found the antidote and your fellow classmate. Though you're running out of time, the clock is ticking better hurry up."

"Wait… who found the antidote? Get back here and tell us more before I burn this house down."

"Easy there Mr. Bakugou, Katsuki I will explain. After you deal with your little predicament with that werewolf. He looks mighty angry, not to mention a bit hungry."

The lights powered back on, now instead of facing Beth, werewolf Todoroki was facing us. His large teeth exposed as he snarled, he stepped closer and closer.

"Hey guys wait up! Don't leave me all alone down there I'm sorry!"

Running in came Mineta with his bow and arrows in his arms, (Y/N) smirked and looked to him.

"Shoot the werewolf with your arrows, now Mineta!"

"What! No! No way, what if it like I don't know, falls in love with me?"

Bakugou sent him a glare and prepared to throw more fire his way.

"Do it or die!"

"Geesh no need to be so mean… I'll do it."

He took aim and released, the arrow zoomed past (Y/N) just barely grazing her before it hit it's mark. Werewolf Todoroki looked down and pulled the arrow out and growled before charging at the group. He chased them out of the room and around the house, the group kept running until they crashed into someone.

"Hey guys, where's the fire?"

"Denki!? But you were a Pokemon! What happened?"

"Well after you knocked me out (Y/N) I found a secret entrance to the basement I think, and I found a long table of food. Then I passed out and when I woke up I was back to normal."

Denki froze up before he sparked up his hands and threw his electricity towards them, it zapped past them and hit Todoroki, knocking him down and out.

"Uh, was that Todoroki?"

Yeah, but we need to get the antidote before we are all stuck like this till next Halloween."

After dragging the unconscious Todoroki down to the basement, each classmate took from the table, eating the antidote. They then went back upstairs to Beth and used their quirks to release her. They then promptly left the estate and made it back to the UA dorms, where they promised to never go to another Halloween party unless they knew who their host was.

(Y/N) and Tokoyami were sitting in the common room on the couch, (Y/N) who was leaning on Tokoyami, she looked up to him with a small smile.

"Hey Tokoyami, when do you want to do this date? Just let's not do anything Halloween related for a while. Okay?"

Tokoyami stared into (Y/N)'s eyes and thought to himself about how lucky he was to have her, he gave her a kiss on the forehead and held her close.

"I couldn't agree more. Let's go to the mall this weekend, we can go see a movie."

#bnha x reader #bnha tokoyami #x reader #tokoyami x reader #bnha #my hero academia #mha x reader #mha tokoyami #mha #bnha fanfiction #tokoyami fumigake

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ohwereusingourmadeupnames · 4 years

Note

"Kissing burns calories you know" for starker. It sounds so much like Peter. Useless fact and awkward flirting combined haha

do the thing - send in all the prompts.

Nonnie, this was perfect. I got to add a little possessive Pete in there, so thank you for the prompt!

The very first time Peter grabbed him by the cheeks and pressed their lips together, Tony wasn’t anywhere close to being ready. He thought about what it might be like constantly �� while Peter had always been a beautiful person, growth and adulthood really suited him. His protegee now had facial hair and kept his hair long around his ears – he wore a watch that didn’t have a Pokemon on it, even.

After Peter finished at MIT, Tony swept him up as quickly as he could manage. Pepper rolled her eyes at him, the contract for him already worked up before Tony could even ask. “I’m surprised it took you this long to bring him over. At least he’s legal now,” she remarked, her eyes rolling even harder when his cheeks flared with a warm blush.

“Virginia Potts, you minx!” Tony exclaimed, a smirk on his lips. Swooping up the contract from the table, he tucked it under his arm and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. “You always take such good care of me. Thanks, Pep.” Though they didn’t end up working as a couple, Tony loved her – always had and always would.

One of the biggest reasons they didn’t end up working out as a couple (other than her demands for him to no longer be Iron Man) was the younger man – no matter how much he tried to hide it, he cared about Peter in a way that even he couldn’t begin to comprehend. Pepper was too smart of a person not to realize that. And despite the hurt of their break initially, Tony knew they were both much better off.

It didn’t take much convincing to get Peter back into the lab. In the four years he separated from the Avenger’s and got his own feet under Peter grew and evolved, the time away doing him a world of good. The kid didn’t lack intelligence, Tony never ever thought that. No, he lacked finesse and the ability to think through the entire rubix cube, instead of just one side. The person who sat down next to him in the lab these days was so similar but so much different than the Peter Parker he used to know.

Upon further thought, Tony figured that was a good thing. He never let himself see past the fact that Peter was, in fact, a young kid. A young kid that had marvelous powers, sure – there wasn’t any denying that. Every time Peter found a way to get onto the battlefield beside the rest of them, Tony always worried that he’d end up taking away not just his innocence, but his life, too. It took keeping his head on straight to make sure Peter walked home at the end of the day to live the rest of his life.

When Peter asked for a letter of recommendation so he could get into MIT right after they found a way to finish Thanos off, Tony was more than willing to give it. He smiled softly as Peter told him about his plans – Cambridge gained an excellent citizen the second the younger man decided to grace the halls of his alma mater. They exchanged a quick hug before Peter took off for school and that was that.

It took a whole year for him to hear from the kid. Peter’s smiling face was sitting in his chair one sunny May afternoon, his feet swung up on the table, Tony Stark style – like he owned the damn place. And maybe he did – all Peter really needed to do was ask.

They spent summers that way for the entire duration of Peter’s stay at MIT. It gave Tony a chance to check up on patrols and make adjustments to the other’s suit. He learned about all the new techniques being taught in the classes he took more than two decades ago – and he listened to Peter talk about himself. Those bits of information were always his favorite. Peter’s likes and interests were so similar to his own and the quirky things that set them apart were endearing - the boy so very interesting.

Getting to have Peter around full time was way better than Tony imagined. There wasn’t a lot of Avenger’s business to take care of, so they focused on their individual suits, instead. Peter was always improving the formula for his web fluid, the man’s brain absolutely brilliant when it came to chemistry.

Tony watched him with awe as he scrolled the dry erase marker across the clear writing board they kept pushed back against the lab wall. After watching the other stick himself to the desk surface more than a handful of times, Tony forced him to work it out so they both could see – the science always a little better with more than one set of eyes looking it over.

The day Peter decided to literally take the situations into his own hands, Tony stood leaning against his desk, eyes eagerly taking the younger man in while he did his thing. There was nothing like watching a unique brain work, and man was Peter’s unique. He worked with a steady crease between his brows, the pinch of them something Tony so badly wanted to rub at with his thumb and relax with the lightest of touches.

Being so very preoccupied, Tony didn’t notice when Peter stopped scribbling on the board – the normal scratch of the pen not something the man cared to pay attention to. Peter’s voice calling his name made him look up, an embarrassed look on his face. “Sorry, what?” Tony asked, the question falling from his lips before Peter could bore his eyes into him any deeper. He was too smart for his own god – Peter would easily sniff him out if Tony let him.

“You were staring at me. I probably could have run my hand in front of your face and you never would have known. You have this look on your face,” Peter replied, the words coming from his mouth without hesitation. There wasn’t much space between them, Peter somehow closing the distance and bringing them within arms reach. “I’ve seen that look before,” his voice rumbled, the tone of it coming off way more sultry than Tony figured Peter meant it to.

Then, hands were cupping his cheeks, Peter’s warm palms on the skin there. Tony had just enough time to take in the fact that large fingers we trying to tangle in his hair before he was otherwise occupied, Peter’s lips pressing against his own exquisitely. A small moan slipped from his lips, the sound leaving his mouth giving Peter just enough room to trace the seam of his lips and press inside. Useless hands gripped onto the younger man’s waist, clingy fingers collecting the fabric of Peter’s shirt in a desperate attempt to hold on.

That initial touch created a monster within them both. Whenever Peter was in reach, he pulled Tony close and sealed their lips together – the exuberance of youth not leaving him, despite all of the growing up he’d done over the years. The younger man was so distracting that Tony had to implement a no kissing in the lab rule – it was hard to get work done when Peter wanted to straddle his thighs and devour him whenever they were alone and the opportunity arose.

Tangled up together a few months into the craziness between them, Tony groaned when his alarm went off. They spent most of the previous night making love, the younger man pliant under him, Tony’s limbs still feeling a bit like jelly after so much intimacy.

Peter brought something out in him, an animalistic need, the type of hunger that never seemed to be satisfied, no matter how often he partook. It felt glutenous, being able to indulge in it as much as he did – but then again, Peter was always looking for it, there seeking whatever Tony wanted to give to him.

Adjusting a bit, Tony looked up to the ceiling – “FRIDAY, can you turn the alarm off?” He sighed in relief when the loud beeping noise ceased, his ears no longer ringing. His arms tightened subconsciously around Peter before he tried to get up, the natural instinct of his body to keep him close something he still marveled at.

The switch from barely there mentor to boyfriend and lover was seamless – the idea of finally getting to have him pushing Tony to be the best that he could. The entirety of his being must have been on board, because even his subconscious worked to keep him grounded and always keep Peter in mind.

He loosened his grip on Peter and attempted to move away from him, his intention to get up out of bed and get a little bit of training in. Peter’s grip on him stopped him however – up until that point, Tony figured he was still asleep. Strong hands kept his own against the naked skin of Peter’s chest – a soft groan leaving Peter’s lips. “Where do you think you’re going?” the younger man mumbled, his voice deeper than usual, the scratch of sleep sending a wave of heat across Tony’s skin.

A grin played at his lips, the somewhat petulant tone of Peter’s voice making his heart beat a little faster. “I thought I’d get up and get a workout in. I’ve been lazy the past couple of days,” Tony answered simply, the little extra wiggle on his gut he noticed last night nowhere near acceptable. Not when the most gorgeous human on the planet laid in his arms. Leaning down, Tony pressed a kiss to Peter’s head and tried to get up again.

Superhuman strength was difficult to fight against, Tony realizing that the second his back was against the mattress with Peter above him - their positions completely switched. It wasn’t often that Tony got a reminder of just how strong his other half actually was. The fact that he didn’t even see the move coming had him sitting still, his legs widening a bit to allow Peter to sit between them a little more comfortably. “I don’t think so, Tony,” Peter countered, his chest pressing Tony down a little bit more.

His hands found Pete’s waist, fingers playing with the bare skin there. “I need to get a workout in, baby,” Tony said, the movement of his hand contrasting the words coming out of his mouth. Knowing he couldn’t get up from his pin downed position without Peter letting him, Tony wasn’t trying all that hard to fight whatever this was. That seemed a little silly with such a delectably naked man above him.

Peter leered down at him, the look on his face one Tony recognized from the many, many times he’d been pounced on by the younger man over the past few months. Soft lips hovered right above his own, the ghost of Peter’s breath making him want to surge up and take – but he refrained, the subtle shift of weight against his chest telling him that Peter wasn’t going to relinquish his hold – or the little bit of control he had over the situation, either.

“Kissing burns calories you know,” Peter whispered, Tony feeling the shape of every word against his lips, the space between them still less than an inch – the tease of it driving the heat of the situation up a little further. “You could get your workout in right here – and not have to move a muscle.”

Smart enough to know when he’d been bested, Tony tightened his hold around Peter’s hips, the younger man pressing him down even more. “Sounds good, let’s start now,” Tony muttered the words before finally closing the distance, their lips meeting in a sordid kiss.

#starker #ironspider #ask prompts #prompts #canon divergence #nonnie #bobbie writes #anonymous

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mininky · 5 years

Text

Meanwhile, Back at the Ranch

Summary: Changkyun has been in love with you for as long as he can remember, and he’s determined to make you finally stop looking at him as your little brother’s best friend and see him as a man. This is a story of love, scheming, and hijinks with the help of Changkyun’s friend and a bad date known as the Hannibal.

Pairing: College student! Changkyun x Noona reader

Genre: Crack, fluff, romance, smut, slow burn

Word Count: 19.5K (I really outdid myself this time)

Warnings: unprotected sex, fingering, public sex

A/N: This is dedicated to @mzpandylu because I just love making you suffer with me over this brat.

Changkyun has always been too smart for his own good. For as long as he can remember he's been able to weasel his way out of all possible consequences for his varying shenanigans. One might think that now, as an adult, he'd finally outgrown this. But honestly, Changkyun isn't sure if 'adult' is an apt description for him when he's still living in dorms and barely holding down a work-study job. He's honestly not sure how the lab hasn't caught on to the fact that he sometimes makes acid that he's turned a profit on occasionally. But that's neither here nor there. No the main reason why Changkyun doesn't feel like he's really an adult yet isn't because he's still in school, or because he isn't really living on his own yet. No the real reason why he doesn't feel like an adult is because you don't see him as one. A fact that perpetually insults and aggravates him.

There are some facts he's just accepted, no matter how much it annoys him. He can admit now that his parents and you will always see him as a snot-nosed brat. The former he can accept easily, it's the latter that makes him feel the rage of a thousand suns. Not that suns have sentient feelings, but Changkyun's rather fond of the whimsical folly in such an absurd statement.

For as long as Changkyun has known you he's been head-over-heels in love with you. You had this aura to you, and no matter how many times he's tried to pulverize his feelings for you to a bloody pulp they find a way to resurface and grow stronger with even more wide-spread roots. It's been this way for as long as he can remember really.

He first met you when he really was just a snot-nosed punk. He was all of six years old, the new kid in town. You were ten, the cute next door neighbor who tolerated him due to your mutual voracious appetites in books but mostly because he became fast friends with your little brother, Hyungwon, who was a year older than him but in the same grade. There were a lot of things he learned about you that summer, most importantly he learned that you had mastered the armbar already and had no qualms with using it to get revenge on Hyungwon for saving over your Pokemon Yellow file.

Three years later you got your period for the first time, a moment that Changkyun has seared into his brain because he continued pestering you about how tampons were used to which you threatened to shove your history textbook up his ass. Even then, he knew that you really would throw down and he never brought it up again.

Flash forward to his thirteenth summer, this is the first time Changkyun would realize that he was in love with you. That it wasn't just that he thought you were cute or the epitome of cool. No no, this was the beginning stages of puppy love. Although, at this point in his life he was less concerned with his infatuation with his best friend's sister and what his budding feelings meant and was more concerned with the fact that he sprung boners just from hearing you laugh. To his credit, that's a very common problem at that age. Unfortunately for him...he still pops random boners from thinking about you. It didn't help that by this age, you at 17 years old, had already started blossoming into your body, something that would take many more years for the same to happen to him. Not that he'd ever admit it to anyone, but he sometimes still jerks off to memories of you lounging around the pool that summer.

When he was fourteen he finally started high school. It was the only year that he was able to attend with you, but that one year was magical. Thanks to your overprotective nature for your brother who would fall asleep standing up in between classes he saw you very often. You were also his ride to and from school. He had been shocked, and deeply offended, to find out that you weren't considered one of the cool kids at school. You stuck mostly to yourself, or to whatever book was closest to you. A sentiment that still relates to him. That year though you had somehow managed to get him access to his first ever party containing illegal substances.

The party had been held at Wonho's house, a senior who was that dude. You know that dude, the one that everyone loved and either wanted to be him or wanted to bone him? Well, that was Wonho. Changkyun can still vividly recall wandering around aimlessly out of sheer boredom when he found you making out with a guy he was sure was bad news. Shownu. Shownu was already out of high school and living on his own. He could easily have picked Changkyun up by the collar and flung him to the opposite side of the room if he wanted to. But no, he was usually too busy boning you to acknowledge his competition.

Changkyun was always quick to point out to everyone that would listen that he thought it was gross that a grown ass man was dating a high schooler. The problem with this logic, however, was that you had started dating him while you were both in high school. The other problem was that Shownu was an infuriatingly nice guy. It makes sense that Shownu would go on to be a firefighter while Changkyun was the guy you called if you wanted to find out how to breach a firewall or score an ounce or cheat your way through exams.

Luckily for him, you would eventually see reason and breakup with Shownu. Unfortunately for Changkyun, the reasoning had nothing to do with some terrible heartbreak that he would fix for you and then the two of you would ride off into the sunset. Nor would the root cause be you one day waking up and realizing that your little brother's nerdy best friend was hot with his cracking pubescent voice and rampant acne problems. No, you would break up with Shownu because you were accepted at a university far away from your middle of buttfuck nowhere small town.

This brings Changkyun back to the present. He had somehow landed in the same university that you were now an alumnus of. Hyungwon had barely scraped into it as well, a feat that no one has really been able to understand. (The truth is that Changkyun had helped him cheat his way into the school. But hey, that's what best friends are for, right?) He's been here for a little over two years now, and none the closer to finally getting into your panties. Not that he hasn't tried. Literally, everyone else knows that he would willingly give up an organ just to go on a date with you. Everyone, that is, except you.

"(Y/N)'s inviting us over for dinner again tonight, you coming?" Hyungwon peers over his phone for a moment, cocking an eyebrow up at Changkyun before giving a sardonic laugh. "Who am I kidding, if you had the choice between winning a million dollars and just basking in my sister's presence you'd choose her. I'll never understand why."

"Because she's hot." Hot isn't wholly accurate. It is but a mere fragment of you. Witty, intelligent, terrifyingly strong, adorable, sharp-tongued. But somehow, Changkyun has a feeling that his best friend wouldn't find this little 'crush' all that hilarious if he spewed all of that out on him right now. So he'll keep these thoughts to himself. Playing dumb isn't something Changkyun is fond of, but he is good at.

"I'm going to tell her you said that."

"Please, be my guest. We both know how it's going to end. She'll probably hit you so hard upside the head that you lose your few remaining brain cells and then say something like 'stop being a dumbass.'" Changkyun can't help but let out an exasperated sigh at the sound of Hyungwon's barking laughter.

"Yeah, you're right. When are you ever going to confess?" Ah, that's the question. The greatest question currently revolving around their collectively shared brain cells. It's not from lack of trying, it's just that you stubbornly refuse to see him as anything other than your little brother's best friend. He hates the term friend zoned and is a firm believer that dudes who use it are boring pricks who just don't know how to say what they want. But Changkyun? Well, he's been banished to the brother realm, no matter how many times he's tried to rectify it.

"I've tried. A million fucking times. You were there last week when I asked her to go to the movies with me and she was all 'you're just using me for concession stand money.' Or the time before that when I told her that her new dress would look better on the floor and she just socked me in the arm and told me it wasn't that ugly? Or how about the time-"

"-Christ dude, I get it. You're making me all depressed over here and I need to get a nap in before we head out for dinner. And depressed naps are the least satisfying."

"You literally just woke up from a nap."

"Yeah, well, it was only my second nap of the day. We all know that I need a minimum of four to function. How do you think I got to be this handsome? Beauty sleep, my friend. You should think of trying it sometime. Maybe then your ugly mug will stop scaring away my sister." Before Changkyun can respond, Hyungwon is turning over and snoring.

"...this isn't even your room. And that's my fucking bed you lazy jerk." For a moment Changkyun contemplates picking up his pillow and smothering his best friend with it. But he figures murdering your brother will most certainly cockblock himself for life. A fate that his mere existence might already be cursed to, but he refuses to give the world more reasons to stop his one-sided love from being reciprocated.

----------------

He would like to lie and say he didn't fret many times over what to wear before seeing you for just a simple dinner. But the truth is rather obvious the moment you take a look at the floor of his dorm. He's sure his dormmate, Jooheon, won't be very pleased about this. At the same time, he's pretty sure he'll never piss Jooheon off as much as when he woke up in the middle of the night to find Changkyun screaming at his computer screen in nothing but his birthday suit. Apparently, most men aren't that comfortable seeing other dudes naked. Especially when they're volatility angry after losing a video game. Who would have guessed?

On the trek over to your apartment, Changkyun did what he was best at; he got lost in his own head. Visions of you fluttered through his mind's eye. In this altered reality, Hyungwon was nowhere to be seen and certainly not snoring next to him in the passenger's seat. No, in this world you had invited just him to come up for an evening tryst. He pictured you answering in a long silk robe with lacey underwear peeking out where you had it loosely tied together. Just as he was about to enter your home in his vision he could hear your dulcet tones telling him-

"Earth to Changkyun. Come in dork. Or don't, just stand out there smiling like an idiot for all I care. But I'm not waiting on you until the food gets cold." Changkyun blinked as he took in your visage, the real you not the fictionalized caricature in his head. There was no racy cheeky lace or silk in sight, instead, you were in a plain white t-shirt and yoga pants. The real kicker though was your face, your absurdly pretty face with a look plastered on that screamed 'stop testing my patience, dumbass.'

"My bad I just got lost in thought I guess." He stares at you for a moment, praying that maybe if he looks at you at just the right angle for just long enough you'll finally notice that he's started bulking up, shedding what was left of his baby fat and then you'll jump into his arms in pure joy. Or lust. He isn't picky. Shit, he's too desperate to be picky at this point in his life.

"Yeah, I kind of gathered that already. So...are you coming in or not? I made way too much spaghetti, so please grab a million bowls of it if you want." He walks slowly behind you as you speak, his eyes trying not to superglue themselves onto your backside. And oh what a magnificent backside it is. He could write sonnets about it. He's pretty sure that in high school he actually did. Note to self, be sure to burn any diaries containing incriminating evidence the next time I go home.

When Changkyun rounds the corner of your hallway he sees that Hyungwon has already made himself at home, sprawled out on your couch with an absurdly large pile of pasta on the coffee table while he browses through Netflix. Typical. Changkyun pauses for a moment as he turns in the kitchen, watching with careful eyes as you fix your own plate before sticking a fork out at him.

"Hey, you know how this works in my place. I'm not your mom, I'm not about to fix you a plate. So get to it buddy boy." There are a few facts in life that Changkyun has come to learn due to his infatuation for you. One, he's completely whipped for you and he's okay with that. Two, he's probably a glutton for punishment with a hardon for your trucker mouth and insults. But thirdly, and most importantly, underneath your tough hardened exterior, there's a heart of gold that's softer than Wonho's plushy pile even if you refuse to admit that to the public.

"You got it, boss, I remember the rules. You only remind me every time I'm here." He tries and fails to fight a smile at the way you roll your eyes at him.

"Was that sass I'm hearing? That better not be sass." You grumble as you pour on a disgusting amount of parmesan before joining Hyungwon on the couch, smacking his legs away when he tries to stretch them across you. The sight shouldn't be so heartwarming to Changkyun. But here he is, smiling like a doofus as he fixes himself a plate. Hyungwon, unfortunately, looks back with an evil grin slapped onto his face before he turns back around to face his sister. Changkyun knows that look all too well. Hyungwon is about to meddle. That's the last thing Changkyun needs. Not when things are going so well. Okay, they aren't going at all but not going at all is still better than you karate chopping his throat before telling him that you see him as just another little brother.

"So, noona, I hear you've got a date tomorrow." Deep breaths Changkyun, don't let this get to you he's probably lying.

"What's it to you? I feel like you want something out of this. You're up to something, brat. I can sense it." Fuck, that's a yes. You're redirecting it onto Hyungwon because he's right. Changkyun's known you long enough to know your tell. He's grown used to you dating, but for some reason he's even more unhappy than normal at hearing this news.

"Can't a little brother just make sure his older sister isn't attracting some creeps?" Everyone in the room knows that Hyungown doesn't really care about that, he's a terrible liar and has a penchant for snooping when bored. It's a terrible combination to witness when it rolls out of control.

"What'll you do about it? I'd have better luck with Changkyun protecting me than your frail ass. Shit, you could practically blow away with one strong gust of wind." Changkyun tries not to pout at this as he finally sits down, shoveling food into his mouth to stop himself from saying anything obvious or painfully lame. Like 'I'd protect you any day noona!' Yeah, no. He'd rather shoot himself than admit that to you. With how annoyed you look right now you'd probably shred his ass to pieces. A death that's honestly preferable to dying alone in his parent's basements with the feds looking for him. (He was voted most likely to have this happen to him in his senior year.)

"First of all, rude. I mean you're right, but rude. Second of all, have you not seen Changkyun lately? He practically lives at the gym." Changkyun could fucking kiss Hyungwon he's so happy. It's only taken him over a decade to finally be a wingman. Changkyun glances over at you to see you squinting at him as if trying to size him up.

"I guess." That's it?? You guess? Christ almighty he really is going to die alone. "Anyway, that's beside the point. You have nothing to worry about, I can handle myself just fine thank you very much. And don't think that trying to bring up my love life will get me off your ass on your grades. Are you still failing your math class?"

"I'm passing." Barely. He's at a solid seventy. For now. But Chankgyun isn't about to rat him out, not when he finally tried to help. "Why don't you ever ask Changkyun about his grades? Get on his ass too!" Aaaaaand the wingman has left the building.

"That's because I know Changkyun keeps up with his studies, unlike you." He watches a sibling's quarrel break out for the next few minutes before he finally decides to speak up.

"So, noona...who is this guy?"

"Nobody you know. And for now, I'd like to keep it that way. Not that you brats would understand, but I'm going through a dry spell and I'd like to finally get to an oasis."

"Gross." Hyungwon fake gags, trying to scramble away when you smack him upside his head. "Ow, ow, stop stop! And hey, ow ow ow that's my hair, Changkyun can relate!" That seems to stop your attacks for a moment, your eyes narrowing on Changkyun as if trying to sniff out the truth.

"You guys are in your college heydays, shouldn't you be getting laid all the time? And aside from that whatever happened to that girl? What was her name, Jessica? No Samantha? No wait..."

"Apple. Her name was Apple." Hyungwon pipes in to save his sister from going down the list of conquests in the last few years. Listen, Changkyun was in love with you. That doesn't mean he didn't still make it a point to get laid sometimes. It's not like he's actually in a relationship with you. Unfortunately.

"Christ I was way off. Anyway, yeah whatever happened to her? Did you guys break up?"

Changkyun tries to shrug it off, but before he can answer Hyungwon is interjecting. "They were more like casual friends with benefits. Until she finally let him turn on the light one night."

"She didn't let you bone with the lights on?" You whip around to question him, but once again Hyungwon steals the light.

"Nope, anyway so he turns on the light and goes down on her and he says that he saw an-"

"Okay, time to cut this off. I swore you to secrecy asshole, imagine how you'd feel if some chick was spilling to her friends about your junk?"

"Wait, wait. What was wrong with her junk?"

"Catch this, she had like, an elephant trunk for a clit. It was just long flaps of skin like a second labia attached there. He tried googling pictures to find anything like it, but nothing."

"Holy shit, what did you do? Wait, wait no I don't want to know. I don't even want to think of you having sex, that's just gross." If Changkyun had any feelings left in him he's pretty sure he'd be hurt by that. But as it stands, he's grown numb to the hellhole that is this moment. He takes back everything he said earlier about Hyungwon, he wishes he had indeed smothered him to death with a pillow.

"Gee, thanks, you two. Also, need I remind you Hyungwon, but making fun of people for things they can't control is mean."

"Says the asshole who asked the poor girl 'what is that?'"

"Is it possible that you just...don't know what a clit looks like?" Changkyun takes back all earlier statements on being numb because now he can feel annoyance and rage bubbling through his veins.

"I know what a fucking clit looks like. It wasn't my first rodeo, okay." He tosses a pillow at Hyungwon when the screeching laughter becomes unbearable. Et tu, Brute? Et tu?

"Okay, wait, I can't just hear elephant clit and walk away. I need more details." Changkyun sighs, caving into your puppy eyes like the sucker he is.

"Okay, first of all, this never fucking leaves the room. I don't ever want to hear you guys bring this up to anyone else, it's not cool. It was just...giant. I'll summarise, she was taking steroids to try to keep up with the other gymnasts and there were some unexpected side effects."

"Wait, steroids for gymnastics? Is that even allowed?" Changkyun just shrugs at your question, trying to mentally throw himself into a daydream where you don't question his sexual prowess or where Hyungwon doesn't bring up his worst sexual moment to date. "I have so many questions for her-" you throw up a hand at the glare Changkyun throws you, "-but I won't. Trust me, I wouldn't want some dude spilling the beans about me like that either. I feel like I have to go scrub myself clean from all this sin now."

"Changkyun can join you-ow hey wait! I can't breathe!" It only takes you a fraction of a second to get Hyungwon in a chokehold and Changkyun just smirks at his misery. That little shit deserves it. He went from being the best wingman ever to the biggest fucking rat in just a few minutes. He probably should have expected that though.

---------------

That night Changkyun tossed and turned, his brain swirling around too quickly to fall into a restful sleep. His thoughts kept returning to one particular moment with you years ago, shortly after he had entered high school. He had been "struggling" with his English class, and his parents had enlisted your help in tutoring him to get his C minus up to their expectation of straight A's again. It ended up being a win-win, as you were struggling a bit in your coding class and he was a young teenager who spent far too much time on his Myspace page, he was the perfect person to help.

"Changkyun, you're overthinking this again. I need you to shut the fuck up for five seconds and listen to me: the essay topic is about why you think Victor created the monster. Not about Mary Shelly's fucked up relationships, stay on topic here." He watches you spin around in your computer chair a few times before throwing your pencil at his forehead. "Are you listening, dork?"

He wasn't. It was really hard to pay attention to anything when you were looking at him like that. Plush lips. Soft thighs. Bra strap falling down on your left shoulder. You were a work of art aptly titled 'temptation.' "Yeah, I'm listening." He paused, rewinding his mental tape. Right, essay topic. Relationship. "They were kind of sort of lovers."

"You aren't completely wrong, but the teacher is lame and will disagree unless you go hard on this idea. So why do you think that Frankenstein and his creation are lovers? Or at least, that there's a homoerotic subtext in their relationship?"

"Well, Victor Frankenstein had to marry his, like, sister cousin right? But it's really obvious that he didn't love her, and not for the gross incest reasons but more because he wasn't into chicks. So he creates this monster, this absolutely hideous man in an effort to kill off his gay desires. Except it doesn't work. Because it feels like he and that one dude, Henry, are totally banging during the voyage. Frankenstein's creation is one big metaphor for his gay desires and that's why he refuses to name him and that's why he wants to kill him even though the monster has done nothing wrong really." Changkyun watches you light up, moving in closer and nodding along as he continues.

"Exactly! You're a smart cookie, kid."

"Don't call me kid. I'm not a kid, Noona." He wanted to scream when you rolled your eyes at him. He was fourteen, just four years younger than you. But in high school that made a world of difference, unfortunately for him.

"You are a kid, twerp. Now back on topic, you have a clear thesis but you need to make sure your argument is strong. You need to back this up with as many quotes as you can. And all those weird relationships Mary Shelly had that you were talking about earlier? Well, use those too. Her life will help strengthen your argument. You need to stop looking at papers as these boring outlines that you just have to throw together. I want you to look at it like you're about to stand on stage and win an argument in front of the whole school. That's how you write a solid paper."

Changkyun nodded quietly, still slightly offended that you had just called him a kid and a twerp just moments prior. "Hey, Noona? You're really good at this. Do you want to be, like, a lawyer or something?"

"Ew, gross no. That sounds so stuffy and boring. No, I'm going to be a linguistic anthropologist. I read about it, and it sounds so cool. It's about studying language and cultures and stuff. You know the field is dominated by women? Isn't that, like, so rad?" You gave another spin in your chair before suddenly stopping and staring at him rather conspiratorially. "Words are really interesting. For instance, it's a fact that you're just a kid but you get really angry when I call you that. Why is that? Is it because you're placed in a category of submission and it's a reminder of your place on the hierarchy? Or is it because your teenage rebellion has started to kick in and it makes you resent authority figures?"

"Isn't that basically the same question just reworded?" You cackle at his question but you don't answer him. He waits for you to finish laughing before speaking again. "Well, I think it's really cool that you want to do that. And I think you'll be great at it. Even if your theories are a bit half baked right now."

"Thanks, Kkungie. I really appreciate that coming from you. You're like my number two supporter. Behind Shownu, of course." He realizes at that moment that he doesn't hate being called kid by you because of age hierarchies or whatever bullshit you just spewed. No, he hates being called kid by you because it's a glaring reminder that you're so out of reach. The ever unobtainable temptation. He vowed then that someday, he'd make sure you'd see him as a man.

-----------

Changkyun was sick of cafeteria food and damn tired of making instant ramen in his dorm, so for a change of pace, he decided to meander away from the university and over to the nearest Mexican restaurant. It was a little more than he was comfortable with paying for tacos, but he figured that the salivation inducing pork belly would be worth it. He still had last night playing on repeat in his head, that look of complete and utter disgust on your face at the mere mention of Changkyun having sex. Okay, well to be fair it was actually a really gross subject. You just can't make elephant trunk shaped clits sexy. It's just not possible. Damn Hyungwon! If only he had kept his mouth running on about these sweet new abs. Maybe then you wouldn't have laughed your head off and told him that he didn't know what a clit is. He really wishes that he could have just said something cocky like, "I can prove to you that I do" but he knows that would have resulted in either an armbar or a chokehold.

He's still ruminating in anger when he steps into the restaurant, waiting for the hostess to come around so he can pick up his to-go order he already placed. His eyes lazily scan over the restaurant until they stop on you. This time you're not in your usual home attire of couch-potato activewear. No, you've pulled out all the stops. Your hair is done to perfection, you have on a full face of meticulously applied makeup, and you're wearing a tight little black dress that hugs all your curves. Or at least the curves that he can see from your waist up in the booth. You don't spot him staring at you, thank god. His eyes quickly swivel to the back of the head of the guy sitting across from you.

He can't see anything other than the back of his head, but he can tell something about this guy is off. Changkyun has known you long enough now that he can read your facial expressions like a book, and right now you're saying that you want to set yourself on fire so you can get out of the restaurant. Before he can make any rash decisions to rush over and play knight-in-shining-armor the hostess pops up in front of him.

"Table for one?"

"Oh, no, I'm just here to pick up my order to go. It's under Changkyun."

"Okay, let me see if it's ready yet." He watches the hostess disappear before his eyes swivel right back to the booth. You seem to be making a break for it, running straight into the direction that he can only assume is the bathrooms. Or maybe you'll try to escape out of the fire exit. You do look desperate enough to try. He's about to make his way towards where you disappeared to when the hostess makes her prompt return with a bag of food. He hastily grabs it, thanking her before immediately heading off towards your general direction. It doesn't take long before he finds himself in the hallway directly in front of the women's restroom with you nowhere in sight. He has a couple of options. He could either wait it out or he could walk away. But something in his gut tells him that he needs to wait for you, that for whatever reason either there are no windows for you to crawl out of or you're trying to give yourself a pep talk into braving out a clearly shitty date.

Very little time passes before Changkyun finds out that he made the right decision. You're glued to your phone as you step out, almost walking right past him before he calls out to you. "You need some help?"

He watches you jump back slightly, almost tripping in your high heels when you turn to face him. He's hoping that he looks cool, leaned up against the wall with his arms crossed and his eyebrow quirked. He's guessing that with your deer in headlights reaction that he probably looks more lecherous than cool, unfortunately. "Christ, you scared the shit out of me. What are you doing here?"

He waves his to-go bag for a second before nodding his head in the direction of your table. "You looked like you were praying that the earth would swallow you whole so you could get out of that bore-fest. Do you want some help?"

"What do you mean help? I can take care of myself just fine." You sniff in indignation but you still haven't walked away just yet, and that tells Changkyun that your pride doesn't want to admit that he's right.

"Listen, noona, you clearly don't want to continue that date. Tell me I'm wrong and I'll walk away. But tell me that you just need some help and I can weasel you out of the situation. You know I'm good for it." He tries to bite back a smile as you chew on your cheek while thinking over his offer.

"Okay, so the dude creeps me out. There's just something off about this. I've met him a few times. He's a friend of a friend of a friend type of situation. We've talked a little bit after he hit me up on Instagram and he seemed pretty normal, right? But then we get here and he just keeps talking about my skin. About how much he loves my skin and how pretty it is and he keeps trying to hold my hand and like...rub my skin. It's fucking weird and I would rather be run over by a semi-truck than have to endure another one of his sweaty hand-holding moments. Just promise me this, you never speak about this to Hyungwon. I mean it. Boy's a fucking blabbermouth and I don't want to hear about this for the next ten years."

"Deal." Changkyun sticks out his hand for the two of you to shake on it before he continues speaking. "I have a plan, just go back to the table and act like everything is fine. I'll be over in a minute."

"If that motherfucker tries to hold my hand again before you get back I swear to god-"

"I've got this. Just trust me already." He gives a couple of pats to your head before pointing back to your table. "Come on, go. I'm sure he's probably already convinced you're taking a massive shit or something."

You scoff, muttering something about how he's such a brat as you finally wander back. Now it's time for him to set his quickly thought up plan in motion. He gives it a few moments, scrolling through Instagram before finally making his entrance. He imagines badass escape music playing in the background, visualizing himself as Jason Bourne or Tom Cruise or that dude from Prison Break. Except in this scenario, he's leading someone else to their freedom. A man on a mission. As he rounds the corner and nears your table he can see the villain. He's not ugly, but he's shooting way out of his league aiming for you. The dude's a solid five, plain and boring in every single aspect.

"Did your mother age well? Because I can see skin like yours as aging flawlessly. It really is perfection. How often do you see an aesthetician if you don't mind me-"

"(Y/N)? Is that you? Holy shit, it is you. Baby, I've missed you so much. I'm so sorry, I know I fucked up but I'd do anything to get you back. Anything, I mean it." He watches your eye twitch for a moment, a look of pure annoyance stealing over your features before you break out into impromptu theatrical genius.

"Oh my god, Changkyun I...I never expected to see you here. I...I don't know what to say. It's been so long. I mean, the last time I saw you was when I went back home to see my parents and you were hooking up with Apple, the local juice stand girl whose parents oddly enough owned an orange grove. We don't even have the right climate for an apple orchard. She was the forbidden fruit and yet you took from her."

"Yeah, well I guess Citron makes for a weirder girls name so they ended up deciding on Apple. But I swear baby, I'm done with that. I wish I had never met her. I'd give up my spleen just to try to make you smile again."

"Excuse me, but we're in the middle of a date."

"Oh really? I'm...I'm so sorry it's just that-" Changkyun slides into the booth next to you, grabbing your hand as he speaks, "-you see sir I've always been in love with this girl. Ever since the first time I saw her back on her daddy's ranch I just knew she was the one for me. The way she used to light up as she collected all those eggs-"

"-Excuse me, but I believe I just said we're on a date. If you could please let go of her hand, you're tainting her perfect skin." Holy Christ, this dude's probably a serial killer. Changkyun is expecting him to break out into Hannibal Lecter quotes any moment now.

"I'm...I'm sorry. I guess...I guess I can't take back what I've done. I was terrible to you, (Y/N). I'm so sorry. I wish I could get another chance, but I can see I'm not wanted here." Changkyun hangs his head sorrowfully, giving a small fake sob before flinging himself out of the booth. "But I promise you, I would treat you right. This city slicker boy don't know how to handle a girl like you-"

"Okay that's enough buddy, move along."

"Well excuse me, but I'm trying to have a meaningful last goodbye with the woman I love. Have you no heart, sir? I just...I just wanted to make my peace. Try one last time. Love is a beautiful thing and I know that I ruined it but gosh darn it how can I walk away from the best yodeler I've ever met?"

"Nobody but my Daddy has ever thought my yodeling was any good. You really mean that Kkungie?" You stand up dramatically, clutching onto your chest as you try to move closer to Changkyun but your date quickly interjects.

"Woah, woah, woah. I didn't sign up for this, come on man just let me finish my fucking date in peace. Go home, no one wants to hear your bullshit about orange or whatever her name was and her fucking yodeling."

"Don't you badmouth my yodeling, Jason! It has a special place in my heart! Come on Changkyun, let's go." Changkyun grins when you grab his hand, but before he can turn around and ride off into the sunset with you he gets cold-cocked by your creepy skin loving date. Right in the jaw.

"What the fuck dude?" Changkyun stands in between you and the guy, cracking his neck and rubbing at his already swelling jaw before staring him down. He's slightly taller but certainly lighter than Changkyun. "I'm going to give you a few seconds to walk away before I destroy your face to the point that even your own mother won't want to look at you."

"Do you really think that you can take-" Changkyun doesn't wait for him to finish before punching him square in the face, a startling crack wringing through the air when his knuckles make contact with Jason's nose.

"Okay, time to go. Let's move it." Changkyun wraps his hand back around you, trying to pull you forward only to find you stationary staring in shock at the scene that just unfolded. "Christ, we need to move it (Y/N)." He waits only a few more seconds before throwing you over his shoulder. "I am not waiting around for cops. I have an ounce on me and I really don't need that kind of stress in my life."

He books it out of the restaurant as fast as he can, pushing past the confused hostess and ignoring the shouts of whatever his name was coming from behind him. Good god do you owe him now. His jaw smarts, his knuckles are bruised, and he's currently carrying you over his shoulder while trying to run to his car as fast as possible. If this doesn't prove that he loves you, he doesn't know what will. Especially when you consider that he left his fucking tacos at your booth. Well, this is just shaping up to be a fan-fucking-tastic evening.

He throws open his car door, setting you down on the ground of the passenger side before quickly jogging back over and slamming into the driver's side. "Noona, what the fuck, come on! I don't have all goddamn day!" The sound of Changkyun screaming seems to break you out of your dazed trance, quickly fumbling into the seat and closing the door as he peels out of the parking lot.

"Drive to my place first please."

"That was the plan. Also, why are you saying please? This isn't a fucking uber dude."

"Can't I be polite sometimes?" Changkyun just snorts at that, tapping his fingers on the wheel in impatience when he pulls up to a red light. "Hey, um. Thanks by the way. I mean, I feel there were smarter ways you could have gone about that than pulling the 'old flame' routine out of your ass but I really appreciate your help."

"Yeah well, I'm not the one who came up with the fucking hick routine. I mean really, Apple? Forbidden fruit? What the fuck was with that?"

"I kind of just wanted to see how you'd run with it. I wasn't expecting you to go full force with it. Now I'm going to have to retire my yodeling career before I could even start it."

"It's a shame, I know your daddy was so proud of it."

"Oh shut it, smart ass." He glances over to see you staring out the window, brain going a million miles a minute as usual. That's how you've always been, in a state of constant thought. He's pretty sure that beyond the immense sexual attraction he has to you the real reason why he always gets pulled into your gravitational force is that you're much like him in that sense. Always trying to see twenty steps ahead, find every possible angle and solution and rework a problem over and over until you see every single way it can all go wrong. It's that same exhaustive thinking that helped you to graduate early and top of your class not just with your bachelors but with your masters just a year after Changkyun started University. It's what makes you uniquely you, but also oddly relatable. You're one of the few people that can keep up with Changkyun, perhaps even remain a few steps ahead of him at all times.

"You're clearly thinking about something. Do you want to talk about it?"

"Why did you help me?"

"Because you're my friend."

"I mean, yeah. But you just got decked in the fucking face and went on a tirade about your love of my yodeling just to get me out of a shitty date." Changkyun parks in front of your apartment as you speak, a small silence settling over for a moment when he turns off the car.

"Listen, I wasn't about to just leave you alone with Hannibal for him to cut off your skin and eat it like pork rinds, okay. Friends help friends." He's not entirely lying. He's not telling the whole truth either, but he's hoping it'll be enough to get you off his back. He can tell by the way the gears inside your head are grinding that it's not enough to satisfy you, but for whatever reason, you leave it be for the moment.

"Well, come on." You climb out of the car, staring at him when he stays stationary. "Are you going to let me put ice on your jaw or not? Besides, you never did get a chance to eat those tacos, at least let me feed you. I think I've got some leftovers you can eat."

"As long as you don't feed me ramen, I'm fine with that." He follows you quietly to the apartment. Should he have just finally admitted his unrequited love to you then in the car? Do you know and you were just waiting for him to say something? Or do you have an inkling, perhaps suspecting and you're trying to figure out what exactly is going on?

"Dude, why do you always freeze at my door?" Changkyun blinks, realizing you've already unlocked the door and the look on your face says that the two of you have been standing there for a hot minute.

"Lost in thought?"

"What's new." You sigh, ushering him inside before locking the door back behind you again. He stands awkwardly in your kitchen as you rummage around in the freezer before finally pulling out a bag of peas and walking back over to him. "This is going to be cold."

"Gee, really? I thought it would be scorching hot, having just come out of the freezer and all."

"Can it, mister. This is my house, which means that I'm the one that gets to be the sarcastic brat. Not you." He snorts in response, flinching slightly under the feeling of the cold bag pressing against his swollen skin. He tries his best to look straight ahead, away from your prying eyes. But try as he might, he's weak to your magnetic gaze. For a moment it's like the world stops, it's almost as though for the first time you're really seeing Changkyun. Not your brother's best friend. Not the snot-nosed brat next door. Not some questionable chemistry major. For once you're looking at him like the man he's become. He can see it in the spark in your eyes, hear it in the hitch of your breath, feel it in the way your hand shakes slightly while trying to hold up the bag of peas.

And for the first time in his life, Changkyun feels his brain halt functioning. Everything becomes silent, frozen under your stare. As if there's nothing to think about, nothing to worry about. He almost wants to say something, do something. But he's terrified that if does the spell will break, he'll turn into a pumpkin, and you'll go right back to treating him like a little brother. But his eyes betray his decision to do nothing, and he knows you see his gaze flicker down to your lips before traveling back up to your eyes. You never do miss a beat, in fact, he's always questioned how in the fuck you've managed to remain oblivious to his infatuation with you for so long. Unless it's willful ignorance. It's the only thing that makes sense. Which is why he's even more confused by the sensation of your soft lips pressing onto his.

It's feather light, over in an instant, but he chases after the sensation. One hand wraps into your hair to pull you back for more. You taste like cilantro and flour tortillas and steak, and maybe it's because he's really fucking hungry but he can't get enough. Of the way you taste, the way you feel, the way you sigh softly into his mouth when his free hand presses you closer to him, gripping onto your hips. He'd gladly be punched in the face a thousand times if the end result was you kissing away his wounds each time. Christ, he's dreamed of this moment for so long he was terrified that it wouldn't be that amazing in real life but it's even better. Way better.

But good things never seem to last long for Changkyun anymore. Because when his dick springs to life you suddenly seem to come back to reality, pulling away with a look of utter confusion and shock. A look at stark odds with the dazed bliss he's sure is playing on his face.

"This...I'm sorry I...I shouldn't have done that. I don't know what I was thinking. We really shouldn't, um I should. Yeah. I should get the food for you. Um, here just uh hold this to your jaw to stop the swelling. Do you want some ibuprofen or anything before you eat? Are you good? Maybe some water? I'm sure you're thirsty. I can't believe I didn't ask you earlier if you wanted some water."

In all 14 years of knowing you, he's never once seen you in such a state. He really didn't see this twist coming. He expected you to want to do backflips with him or sing praises to the heavens and then maybe hopefully screw his brains out. Instead, you look horrified, confused, lost, and possibly sickened by what just transpired. Which is just as heartbreaking to him as it is infuriating. If there is a god, he's cruel and unjust. That much Changkyun is certain of right now.

He watches you zip around the kitchen, flitting from thing to thing for the next few minutes before he finally speaks up. "Are you okay?"

"Peachy, perfectly fine. Why wouldn't I be okay? It's not like I just made out with my little brother's best friend in my kitchen after he got punched in the face by my possible serial killer date." You top off your jibbering with a high pitched and short-lived laugh. As if to really bring it home to Changkyun that you've officially thrown yourself off the cliff and dived into insanity.

"I mean...I'm kind of more than just your little brother's best friend. I am my own sentient entity separate from Hyungwon. We aren't like...fucking conjoined twins. And it's not like we're actually related. But yeah that dude did seem like he was going to skin you alive, so I won't argue there." You ignore him, rummaging around the fridge before aggressively slamming a leftover bowl of soup into the microwave. Well, this is just going swimmingly. "(Y/N)...noona, come on. Just talk to me, please."

"What do you want me to say Changkyun? I fucked up. We fucked up. And it's never going to happen again. I can't let it happen again. It's just...it's not right."

"Why? Why isn't it right?"

"Because it just isn't!" He watches you angrily ruffle your hair before spinning back around to face the microwave, your foot tapping away impatiently as the seconds slowly roll by.

"Fine. Whatever. Listen, keep your dinner. I'll figure something out. I'll catch you some other time." He's out the door before you can respond. It's petty of him, he knows this. He knows he should have waited for you to respond, try to talk this out. Express his real feelings. Explain to you that he doesn't see this as just some random kiss. No, this was much much more for him. But he's angry, confused, and heartbroken so really he's pretty sure taking some time to cool off would be the smartest thing for him to do right now.

--------

"Dude, what the fuck happened to your face?" It's moments like this that Changkyun really wishes he just had his own space. He actually really likes his dormmate, he's become fast friends with him which is rather unusual for Changkyun. But he just isn't in the mood for any human beings right now.

"Long story." Changkyun tosses the extra sandwich at Jooheon before flopping down on his bed. He really should have just gotten some tacos again, but somehow they seemed tainted. Worthless. Kind of like him.

"Descriptive. Not at all cryptic." Changkyun rolls his eyes before glancing over at Jooheon. Maybe it would do some good to tell him. Unlike Hyungwon he won't fall asleep in the middle of explaining everything, although right now he's not sure he really wants to spill his heart out to someone who's going to pay attention.

"You know (Y/N)?"

"Hyungwon's sister? The chick you've been obsessed with your whole life? Yeah, you've only brought her up more than a thousand times. What about her? She finally turn you down or something?"

"How do you know that she didn't confess to being madly in love with me tonight?"

"You might have the emotional range of a rock most of the time, but I'm pretty sure even you wouldn't be moody and depressed if she suddenly decided that she was into you. Besides, there's kind of that seriously swollen jaw of yours."

"Fair enough."

"So what happened?" Jooheon turns back around to resume typing up his paper as he speaks.

"She kissed me." Changkyun can hear the typing halt almost immediately, silence filling the room for a moment before Jooheon responds.

"She kissed you?" Jooheon repeats this slowly as if the words seem foreign or the concept impossible. Changkyun glares at Jooheon. Anger and humiliation bubbling up at the sound of complete and utter surprise in Jooheon's voice.

"Yeah, and then she freaked the fuck out. Said that it was a mistake and she couldn't do this. Said that I was basically her little brother and it was wrong and some other shit."

"And then she punched you in your face?"

"What? No. Why would you think that?"

"Oh, I don't know it might possibly have something to do with the giant bruise forming on your jaw."

"Right. That. No that happened because I busted her out of a shitty date with some dude who wouldn't shut the fuck up about her skin."

"Her skin?"

"Yeah, he was a total basket case. I just happened to be there and noticed how she looked totally miserable so I helped bail her out. Except the dude wasn't too happy about it. Long story short, I got sucker punched. I think I broke his nose. We made a run for it. And then she kissed me when we were at her place and I'm pretty sure I'm doomed to the brother zone for the rest of my life."

"Please for the love of god stop calling it the brother zone. It sounds creepy and very Alabama."

"Fine. Whatever, she freaked out okay."

"So what did you do?"

"I left. What the fuck else was I supposed to do?"

"I don't know. Tell her your feelings maybe?"

"I didn't exactly want to spill my guts to her in a fit of rage."

"Yeah...I guess I get that. So are you going to tell Hyungwon?"

"Fuck no. And neither are you. Dude doesn't know how to keep his mouth shut. He's almost as bad as Minhyuk."

"That's valid. Alright, I won't say anything. But if you need to talk to anybody, I'm here for you bro." If Changkyun had any capacity to feel his emotions left in him, he's pretty sure he'd be touched right now. As it stands though, he's just kind of hoping to wake up and realize that this was all just a shitty dream.

--------------

It wasn't just a shitty dream. No, in some sick and twisted way he had you for just a fraction of a second before you're even further out of reach. It reminds him of a time that he was so close once before. It was about a year ago, towards the end of his Freshman year.

You had just completed your capstone for your masters and you were holding a small celebration at your apartment with your closest friends. Once again, Changkyun had felt a bit like the odd kid out of the loop, straying away from human interaction in favor of sipping his cheap shitty beer in peace and quiet out on the patio. It's not that he didn't like parties, he just never knew how he was supposed to behave. Especially when he was around you. For some reason, he was perpetually nervous that he'd seem like the uncool dweeb who was your pity friend. You constantly told him that wasn't true whenever he'd bring it up but isn't that exactly what you'd tell someone who was only your friend because you felt bad for them?

Hyungwon was convinced that Changkyun was on his man period, and while he'd tried to drag him back into the party a few times he'd clearly given up about an hour ago. That was perfectly fine with Changkyun. He'd had his own finals to contend with, and honestly, his brain was too fried to focus on a conversation for long. At least, he was sure of that until you stepped out onto the patio with two beers in your hand. You silently handed one to him before popping open the other and sipping from it. Somehow, you always knew how to find him. And he appreciated that you never chastised him for doing his own thing away from everyone else. "I know you hate coming to parties. But I really appreciate that you came. Don't tell anyone else, but I think you're my favorite guest here tonight."

"I don't hate them. Hate's a strong word. Shouldn't you know that ms 'I'm about to get my masters in linguistics?'"

"I can't believe it. That I'm finally here, that I've reached my goal. It feels like just yesterday you were helping me pack everything up to start university and pilfering my underwear. And now I'm getting my masters."

"I didn't steal your underwear!" He knew that his bright red face gave away his lie. He totally stole a few pairs. But he isn't about to admit that. He knows it's...incredibly creepy. Crosses a lot of boundaries. But to be fair, these were clean pairs. He also would never in a million years do it again. He lacked impulse control then, but that doesn't save him from the burning embarrassment he's feeling now. Oh god. You probably think he's a closet perv.

"It's fine. I thought it was funny. Don't worry, I never told anyone about it. If anyone else had done it, I would've been pissed. But for some reason, it's impossible to be mad at you. Maybe he was right."

"Who was right? About what?" He hated when you got cryptic on him. At the same time, he loved that about you. The way you lived in a world of puzzles and riddles and sometimes cracked open for only certain people to see. It was as infuriating as it was attractive.

You took a long pause before guzzling down the rest of your beer, staring off over the patio before speaking just above a whisper. "You know...in another life, maybe we would be great. Two fucked up peas in a pod." Before he could even respond you were gone, slipping back into the party and leaving him to dwell on the weight of your words. In another life? No. You'd be great together in this one. And now he wanted, more than ever before, to prove that to you. Because now he feels like he might really have a shot at this.

--------------

It's been nearly two months since Changkyun last saw you. This is the longest he's gone without seeing your face with the exception of the three years he was in high school and you were in University if you don't count the weekly skype calls. At this point, he's run out of excuses and it's clear that Hyungwon is suspicious. He was given little choice but to either expose what happened to his best friend and be mocked for the rest of his existence, or finally go with him for Sunday brunch again. Which is how Changkyun finds himself standing in front of your door, fidgeting restlessly and trying not to imagine every doom and gloom possibility.

Changkyun fights the urge to run away when you open the door, your mouth falling open in shock for a moment before you plaster on an uncomfortable smile and usher both of them in.

"It's been a while Kkungie. What mayhem have you been up to?"

"He's been an oddly good boy. A total square dweeb. I keep trying to get him to come hang out, but he's been doing nothing but studying." Hyungwon pipes up, grabbing a slice of quiche without asking before he meanders over to his usual spot on the couch.

"You could learn something from him. There is more to life than sleep and girls."

"Laaaaaame. I came here for free food and Netflix, and honestly, I am feeling so attacked right now."

Changkyun shakes his head at the bickering, relaxing a bit as he grabs a plate. Everything seems like it's gone right back to normal. As if you didn't kiss him and then have an existential crisis just a couple of months ago. Changkyun isn't sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Then again, he wasn't really expecting for you to leap into his arms and throw yourself at him the moment you finally saw him again. Hoping for it, sure. Expecting it, not really. The odds of it were slim to none and Changkyun is, unfortunately, a realist through and through.

The feeling of eyes on him has Changkyun glancing up, you look oddly unsure of yourself for a moment before quickly looking away. He swears that he sees a slight blush on your cheeks, but maybe that's just that stupid bit of hope in him that refuses to fucking die already. Life would be so much easier for him if he could just move on already. It would probably be easier for you too. But the heart wants what the heart wants, no matter how ridiculous or improbable it is.

After that small moment, the rest of the time seems to pass by easily. Comfortably. Normally. He likes to think of himself as a master of deception at this point. A man completely in control of his own emotions. Because really all he wants to do is kiss you again. He didn't think that he'd be this obsessive with it, but seeing you again has his memories playing on a loop. How soft you were, how quickly you switched from hesitance to hunger before it all went downhill. Really fucking downhill. Straight into the ocean actually.

"Shit, I forgot I have a date." Hyungwon's bizarre spike of energy has both you and Changkyun freezing.

"With who? Your hand?" Changkyun tries, and fails, at not laughing at your jab to Hyungwon.

"Rude, unlike you, I'm not having problems getting laid. If you must know, I have a date with Lisa. And I'm about to be really fucking late. Changkyun, can I borrow your keys?"

"Just my keys? I would have figured that you'd want the car that comes with those keys too."

"Har har jackass. Can I borrow your car or not?"

"Why not just borrow mine?" You pipe up, nodding your head in the direction of your key ring resting on the kitchen counter.

"Because the backseat of your car is always a mess of random clothes."

"Okay, that's just gross. I didn't need that visual."

"What? I didn't say anything gross." Hyungwon tries to play coy but the damage has been done.

"You basically alluded to fucking your date in the back of a car to your sister."

"Et tu, Brute? Et tu? Fine, just for that, need I remind you of the time you got caught sleeping with Rose in the park?" Changkyun rolls his eyes before digging his keys out of his pocket and tossing them to Hyungwon.

"Thanks for just airing all my shit out. Again." Changkyun rolls his eyes before digging his keys out of his pocket and tossing them to Hyungwon. "You know the rules. If you're going to have sex in it, get it detailed before you bring it back."

"Yeah, that's not going to happen. The detailing, that is. Later losers." Before either of them can respond he's out the door. He might usually move at a snail's pace, but when he wants to the lanky little shit can certainly move fast.

"Does he do that a lot?"

"Run his mouth? Yeah. Have you never met your brother?"

"No, use your car for exhibitionism."

"Way more often than I care to think about."

"I'm never sitting in the backseat again."

"It's a wise choice." An uncomfortable silence fills the air for a moment before he finally tries to speak up. "So-"

"I was-" Both of you stop, and he fights a smile at the way you laugh. You've never had a particularly cute laugh. It's one of those cackle-snort-choke laughs that makes everyone else pause for a moment when they hear it. It's endearing. Heartwarming. God, he's missed even your ugly laugh. He's definitely whipped. "Sorry, you first."

"I was just going to ask how you've been. If you're okay." Changkyun stares at the floor as he speaks, afraid to look you directly in the eyes.

"What?"

"Well, I just kind of dipped while you were in the middle of an existential crisis which wasn't cool of me. I'm sorry about that. And then I've been blowing things off because I figured you needed your space, but I want you to know that I have been concerned. I care about you, you know. So I'm sorry for running away. And I want to know, are you okay?"

He watches you slowly blink when he finally glances up, the gears grinding a million miles a minute in your head before you finally speak again. "I've been...I've been okay. Confused. Unsure. Scared."

"None of that sounds okay."

You give a snort, shaking your head as you look at him. For a moment he swears he sees that fire again. That look that tells him that you're looking at him, looking into his soul. Figuring him out. Reading him. Wanting him. He likes that look far too much for his own good, especially because it's over in a flash. Almost imperceptible. He's sure that if he didn't know you as well as he does he wouldn't have even noticed it. He guesses he's not the only master of deception. "Listen, you weren't the only one that fucked up. I shouldn't have freaked out on you like that. I'm the adult, I shouldn't have taken it all out on you like that. I'm sorry for that."

"We're both adults. Stop acting like your this old sage grandmother, you're only four fucking years older than me. I know that I'm a bit of an oddball, and I might not be like all the guys you date with their own places and a steady career, but I am an adult."

"In the eyes of the law sure." That stung way more than it should have, and he knows that for a moment his mask breaks and you can see the pain flash in his eyes by the way you rush to fix your fuck up. "I'm sorry, that was rude. I just. I have a hard time seeing you as all grown up. The same way I have a hard time seeing Hyungwon as anything other than my stupid little brother who always stole my video games."

"So what exactly do I need to do to make you see me as a man? Not some little boy, not your little brother's best friend. Just me."

"I don't think I understand what you're asking."

"Noona, you know exactly what I fucking mean. Do I need to spell it out? Because I will if that's what you want. I've been in love with you for as long as I can remember. And I know you might see it as just some dumb crush, but trust me. It's not. I want you, all of you. And I don't know what I need to do for you to finally see me as a worthy candidate for you, but whatever I need to do I will. We both know that I'm stubborn as hell, so if you don't tell me what I need to do don't think that I'll just give up."

"I...what?" You stop, freezing under his stare for what feels like eons before you finally manage to speak again. "I don't know what to say. I don't know."

"Well think about it. Because I'm not going to back down easily. Tell me that you don't want me, tell me that you aren't at all interested and I'll back off. But if there's even the slightest fucking chance that I can get you to finally see me for me and not just your little brother's best friend I'm not about to back down. I'm a patient man, I've waited this long to get you to even think about it. I have no problems with waiting longer if it means getting you at the end." He doesn't like to think of himself as a cocky man, and he knows that if you've ever paid a lick of attention to him in all these years you'll know he only speaks when he knows he can back it up. He watches you closely, trying to gauge your reaction but your face seems completely blank. He isn't sure if this is in his favor or against it. Whatever the case might be, he's finally said what he's needed to say.

"I'm still not sure what to say. Or think. I had no clue that you felt that way."

"We both know that's bullshit. You had to have known, you aren't that dense of a person."

"That's a valid point. But I just assumed that...I don't know that you were just like every other dumb horny boy out there. I didn't think that there was anything deeper to it. I'm just...speechless. I can't give you any answers right now Changkyun, I'm sorry."

"That's okay. I don't need answers right now. I told you, I'm a patient dude. Just do me a favor and think about it." He grabs the dishes left on the coffee table and brings them back to the kitchen, rinsing them off silently before throwing them in the dishwasher. He has no interest, truly, in doing the dishes to get brownie points. No the real reason why he's done this is because it gives him a prime and unobtrusive view of you. The way you sink slightly into confusion, cogs moving slowly as the calculations begin. This is good, this means that you're thinking about it. You aren't simply blowing him off as you usually would. Perhaps he does stand a chance.

Changkyun watches you for a moment longer before clearing his throat. "Well, I appreciate the food. I'm going to head back now, I've got some papers I want to finish up." That's a lie, he's been caught up on everything for weeks now. Now that he hasn't been spending any time at your place or going to parties he's been working as far ahead as he can. He figures though that it's a simple enough of a lie that you'll believe him. Which is important, because he needs a way to give you some space without making things awkward.

"How are you going to get back? Hyungwon took your car. Do you want me to drive you?"

"Nah, it's no biggie. I can just skip going to the gym today and walk instead."

"No, no I insist. Either we wait for my dipshit brother to come back or I'll drive you. But I don't feel right with making you walk."

"It's two miles, I'll survive. I promise. On cardio days I usually run for five, trust me, I'll be okay." He watches you glare at him, your mouth opening and closing repeatedly before you finally sigh and nod.

"Fine. You know you can really be stubborn when you want to."

"I know. I go for what I want and I usually try to find a way to get it. You, for instance. That's at least the big picture goal."

"What do you mean big picture goal?"

"Jesus, Noona, I meant what I said earlier. I'm not just thinking about this as some one-off thing. I want you. Emotionally, sexually, hell I'll tack on spiritually for good measure. Everything about you drives me crazy, I want that in my life. I want you in my life. Not as a friend. Not simply as my childhood friend. I'm not sure what part about that is so difficult to understand, but I mean it. I'm not asking for you to jump into my arms or my bed right now, although I wouldn't turn it down either, I just want you to honestly think about it. Because for as long as I can remember I've been in love with you, and I don't want to pressure you into anything but I do want a shot at this. I don't want to just be passed off as 'oh it's just a cute crush.' Because that's not what this is." He pauses for a moment, assessing the way you squint and try to analyze everything. Ever the thinker, always trying to find logic even in the midst of a romantic confession. Or at least a passionate confession, Changkyun would like to think. "Just think about it. Thanks again for the breakfast, I'll catch you around." He waits for a moment before pressing his lips to your forehead and striding out the door. Well more like ran out the door, but in his head, he walked out with confidence and gusto and was most certainly not tripping over himself before victory dancing at that small peck.

The only problem that Changkyun sees in all of this is that he's a man of carefully calculated planning, usually. Being a man of brute action just isn't his style. He wants to be sure that all pawns are in their places before a glorious victory. He's the type to always think five steps ahead. But something happened to him when you kissed him after he rescued you from the budding Hannibal. It rewired his brain, or maybe his dick because he's a bit foggy on everything. He's positive that this will help you finally look at him, but at the same time, he isn't one to be so brash. He's just hoping that perhaps this was still the right method needed. Whatever the case might be all he can do for now is try to craft some sort of a game plan to prove himself to you.

----------------------

"So you finally confessed to her?" Jooheon is tossing snacks into Minhyuk's mouth as he asks this, Minhyuk almost choking when a pretzel gets nearly lodged in his throat.

"Yup. She said she didn't know what to say. She really thought that I was just, I don't know, some annoying horny kid or something. Maybe? Or maybe she doesn't even want to acknowledge that I have a dick? It's really all hard to say right now."

"Pun intended or??" Minhyuk ducks when Changkyun throws a pillow at his face. "Sorry, sorry. I get it you're all serious and whipped for this girl."

"Woman. Have some respect."

"Christ." Jooheon and Minhyuk speak at the same time. The double trouble twins back at it again. Changkyun should have known better than to tell them anything, but he needed comrades if he was going to carry anything through. And as much as he loves Hyungwon, he's pretty sure that he'll either sleep through his battle planning meetings or simply spend the entire time razzing him. Neither of which are very helpful.

"Well, knowing you, you have a plan. So what is it?" Minhyuk sprawls out on his stomach, kicking his feet behind him as he blinks up at Changkyun.

"I...I don't have one."

"WHAT?" The double trouble twins really do excel at synchronization.

"That's my problem, I didn't think any of this through. I kind of...I don't know I figured that my confession would have more of an impact maybe? I didn't expect a deer in headlights response, although I suppose I really should have taken that into consideration. It is the most logical of responses really. And I told her that I'd prove to her that I'm a man now. I don't know why I said that. The more I think about it the more...embarrassing the whole situation becomes. Christ guys what am I going to do?"

"Defeat the Huns?" Minhyuk really isn't the most helpful person sometimes. But he does strike genius every once and a while. Especially when it comes to nefarious plottings. Unfortunately, now is clearly not one of those times. "Don't give me that look. I'm thinking. Okay well, has she seen your abs?"

"Yes, I just flash them at random to people." Changkyun holds back the urge to roll his eyes as he deadpans his sarcasm. "Of course she hasn't you nit-wit. The need for her to see them has never really been there."

"Oh, but you have no problem walking around here naked."

"For fuck's sake Jooheon, you caught me one time and I promised never again. And it was in our room for god's sake, not out in fucking public. Let it go, man."

"Back on track, I say you show her your abs. That should get her hot and bothered. Works for all the football players here at least." Minhyuk nods his head as he speaks as if agreeing with himself will somehow make Changkyun more likely to agree.

"And how, pray tell, do I go about this in some semblance of normalcy?"

"Pool party!" Jooheon pipes up, before stopping. "Wait...none of us have a pool."

"But...she does. Her complex has a pool there, and summer is almost here."

"Okay, so here's what you do. You drop random hints about girls in bikinis, lazing outside under the sun with hot girls around him, and eventually just casually ask him about the pool at (Y/N)'s complex. If you do this slowly enough, and we all drop hints randomly together, he'll think it's one hundred percent his idea and he should go for it. The real question is, will she?" Minhyuk is animated as he speaks, lighting up as the plan forms in his seedy little brain.

"She would have rules and provisions for allowing it, but yeah she'd say yes to him. She pretends to acts all tough, but she rarely says no to him. The real question is though, how are showing my abs off really going to win her over?"

"A bit of jealousy my friend. I know some girls who've been interested in you. We invite them, we watch them latch onto you like the harlots they so desperately want to be with you, and ignite the secret yearning in (Y/N)'s heart for this forbidden love." Minhyuk adds on an evil cackle at the end, stopping only when a cough takes over.

"This seems all very...I don't know, cliche and high school if you ask me. I mean, no offense to your plan I just don't think that her seeing my abs and other chicks are going to make her magically say 'ah yes this is a man I can see myself seriously dating and possibly spending my life with.' I appreciate the effort though."

"No, no Minhyuk has a point. And let's say it doesn't go as planned, at least we all get a pool party out of it. I promise if you're right and we're wrong we'll help you hatch a different plan of attack. But for now, let's at least see how this goes. On an unrelated note, I'm starving. Do you guys want to go grab some pizza?"

------------

A month and a half later and Changkyun is sipping a beer from a plastic cup (no glass allowed near the pool as per lease terms and your strict warnings) as he takes in the sight before him. The first half of the plan went swimmingly (pun intended), but the latter half Changkyun still isn't so sure about. You barely even glanced at him before running back up to your apartment to grab some ice. Oh well, if it all goes to shit at least he gets to see you in a bikini again. He's been needing to update his internal spank bank material if he's honest. His sights still linger on your door, waiting for you to come back out when Hyungwon floats over to the edge where Changkyun has his feet dipped in.

"Dude, what's the point of being at a pool party if you aren't even going to talk to babes or get in the pool?"

"I'm enjoying my drink without dealing with the taste of chlorine mixing into it, and I'm not here for the babes." Changkyun is here for one babe, one babe currently avoiding him. Plan ABduction (named by Minhyuk) is so far failing spectacularly. What's the point of showing off his newer more manly physique if you aren't even here to ogle him like a magnificent slab of meat before ravaging him?

"Now that's just not fair. Seulgi and Joy have been staring at you the entire time and you haven't even taken the hint. If you aren't going to get them then I will. You know they're in like an open relationship or whatever? I'm just saying, I feel like a threesome is on the tables with them. I've heard-"

"Dude, they aren't just objects to be passed around. They're real human beings. I mean listen, if they're down then that's between you and them as three consenting adults. But you've been hanging out with way too many frat fuckers if you think that you can just talk about women as if they can be passed around to the highest bidder. Stop letting your dick talk, no one wants to hear it speak."

"Woah, calm down you know I didn't...no I guess you're right. I didn't think about how that would come out. Maybe I should lay off the drinks. And the frat parties." Hyungwon floats in the other direction after that, leaving Changkyun to his solo bliss.

It's a small party, per your rules. There are about 12 people total including Changkyun and you. Not surprisingly, Hyungwon invited mostly girls (who weren't friends with his currently off on again off again girlfriend Lisa), along with Jooheon and Minhyuk. Everyone else has been congregating by the more shallow end of the pool, drunkenly trying to play cards against humanity without getting the cards wet. He's pulled out of his thoughts by the sight of your feet dipping next to his.

"I heard what you said to Hyungwon. Thanks for not letting his head get too far up his own ass. I don't think I give you enough credit for keeping him somewhat normal. Well, as normal as frog boy can be."

"I don't think we can call him normal, I mean you can't even call me normal. I just try to keep him...safe for public consumption. He's just going through that college freedom insanity phase still. He'll get over it eventually."

"Oh, I remember those days."

"You? I can't see you as ever flying off the handles noona."

"Oh but I did. You've got to remember, Hyungwon and I grew up in a pretty conservative home. My freshman year of college was a blur of parties, random hookups, and various substances smattered between cramming and making sure my grades didn't drop. Unlike Hyungwon, I made sure I was never on the verge of failing a class and having to explain that to my parents. I wanted to look like a model student to keep them off my asses. And it worked. Until I realized that I wasn't actually having fun and the parties and hookups felt empty and I started settling back down. I've got to say though, I didn't take you for the more level headed of the two. Hyungwon was always so uptight I figured you'd be the free spirit and he'd be the anchor."

"I mean, I wouldn't say I'm entirely level headed, I just think things through more than him right now. Most of the time, that is." There's a pause after he looks at you. It's breathtaking, the way your profile glows under the setting sun, a small coy smile lighting up your face.

"I have to ask, why aren't you talking to those girls? They've been stealing glances at you the entire time and they don't look all too pleased with me right now. They're pretty girls you know."

"Sure, they're very pretty. But they aren't you. It's as simple as that." Changkyun watches a blush creep onto your cheeks as you quickly look away and clear your throat. Now that's a response he was hoping for but not expecting. Perhaps Minhyuk's plan hasn't entirely gone to shit.

"Well, that was rather matter of fact of you."

"You're cute when you blush."

"I'm going to choke you if you don't stop."

"I'm into that. I mean I usually prefer to be the one giving, but I think I'd be into anything with you." The look in your eyes threaten a possible painful death for him, but the way you've turned beet red tells him that his words affect you. That's got to be a good sign. Right?

"You weren't kidding when you said you were stubborn and weren't going to give up. That I can tell. I think I'm just still iffy on the why. I mean, what exactly is it about me?"

"There are too many reasons to count. I think I knew you were the one when you said that pokemon yellow was superior because it showed you the emotions of Pikachu but the pitfall of the game was that you couldn't see all of their emotions and it was limited to just Pikachu."

"That's...absurd. How in the fuck do you even remember that?"

"I don't know, but I can tell you that love is absolutely absurd and convoluted and I've stopped trying to fight it or understand it. For the longest time, I tried to get over you, mainly because everyone had decided that you and Shochu-"

"-Shownu?"

"Yeah, sure, him. Everyone figured the two of you were going to get married and pop out babies and be the town's most beautiful couple or whatever. The point is, I figured that I had lost my chance and it was time to tuck tail before even trying. But then you guys broke up. And then you moved away, and I thought well maybe now I'll get over it. Except, the funny thing or infuriating depending on how you look at it is I couldn't get you out of my fucking head. The way you smile, the way you laugh, the way you have to reason absolutely everything, but most importantly the way that you see five steps ahead almost every time and somehow you see things how I see them when no one else does. Except for probably right now guessing by the look on your face. Do you finally get that-" He's cut off by the sensation of your lips pressing firmly to his own. It's not like the first time you kissed him, where it started off unsure and soft, no this one radiates the confidence he's always admired in you. The take no prisoners attitude of yours. And boy oh boy if he isn't melting like a high school girl hearing a 'sup' from her crush.

He can feel his soul depart from his body for just a moment before blood threatens to rush to his dick in a very public place with only a flimsy pair of swim trunks to shield him. As much as Changkyun would like to pull you closer and turn this into a makeout session, he's pretty sure that popping a boner is against your pool rules. So instead, he quickly pushes himself into the pool at around the same time he realizes the others are whistling and hollering while Hyungwon lets out a wail of sheer disgust. Oh well, you can't win them all.

He almost expects you to run away again, but this time you're just smiling. As if all is well in this shit hole of a world and as if you're actually happy to kiss him. Oh my god, you really are happy that you kissed him. Sweet mother of fuck, he could die right now and he'd be okay with that. "Wow. That was...wow." He ignores the finally dying out enthusiasm around him, instead just trying to focus on taking in your visage.

"Fantastic description, you really are such a wonderful poet."

"Are you ever not sarcastic?"

"Are you?"

"That's valid." He pauses at the sound of your laughter, that familiar dying seel noise making his heart thud against his ribcage and sets a frenzy of butterflies loose in his gut. When you finally stop he can't help but ask, "So why did you kiss me? I mean, don't get me wrong it was a solid 10 out of 10, would most certainly do it again. But I mean...now I'm the one who's iffy."

"Truth be told, I've been thinking about it a lot. Probably longer than you would think, as in before the first time I kissed you. You're not exactly bad looking if you haven't noticed. And while your personality is rather questionable it's questionable in all the right ways. Most of the time that is. But as you know, I'm a chronic overthinker. And I just figured I'd look like a cradle robber, or worse, a cougar on the prowl. I figured that you weren't super serious about it, and I'm just past that age of just fucking for the sake of fucking and I would especially never cross that weird boundary with someone I'm so close to. I know I say you're Hyungwon's friend because you are, but you're just as much my friend too. And that makes it kind of scary. A little too vulnerable for my normal liking, you know? But after your third confession, I realized that you couldn't still be trying this hard just to simply get in my pants. Third time's the charm I guess."

"So where exactly does that place us now? I'll leave that one hundred percent in your court, but I'm not opposed to a shotgun wedding."

"I'd have to be pregnant for it to be a shotgun wedding you absolute dork."

"I'm not opposed to that. Just picture us, lots of little hellions running around as we have exhausted five-minute quickies during their short-lived naps. Living the dream."

"That sounds absolutely terrible and I'm going to have to pass on that nightmare. I figured we could start off like normal human beings, you know, dating? As in actually going out and being boyfriend and girlfriend and not rushing into a Las Vegas wedding with fat Elvis as our officiate."

"I'll agree, but I'd like to negotiate on fat Elvis at a later date please."

"Deal."

"Did you dorks just enter into like a dating contract or something?" Minhyuk swims over to them, trying to rapidly flee when you start splashing water at his face. "Woah, woah watch the money maker there miss. I am the mastermind behind all of this, I expect to be the best man!"

"Ignore him, he's an idiot." Changkyun glares at Minhyuk before turning back to you. He kind of wants to squeal, he's that happy. He had never thought about the possibility of you having actually already liked him. You having a near panic attack after the first time you kissed him kind of killed all of those illusions of grandeur. "Noona, can I take you out on a date right now?"

"And leave these dumbasses to burn down my apartment and get me evicted, ruin my nearly perfect credit score, and leave me homeless? I think not. How about tomorrow?"

"Tonight?"

"It's already six. God clearly did not bless you with patience as you've so boldly claimed to me before."

"I'm not going to pretend to be patient when I have this opportunity right in front of me. So we'll tell them all to get their asses home at eight. Do you really want to stick around them for that much longer? I mean, they're already trashed." He watches you squint at the college kids splashing around, loudly giggling as incoherent babbles slur out of one person after the next.

"You make a strong argument. Alright, fine. Eight o'clock it is. But you get to tell everyone that they have to wrap it up, I refuse to be the bearer of bad news to them."

"OY FUCKERS!" Changkyun watches as almost everyone slowly glances over at him with glazed over eyes and alcohol-induced smiles. "You've gotta get your asses out of here by 8!"

"FINE MOM." Jooheon hollers back before they all return to their still ongoing game of cards against humanity. He's pretty sure half of the deck has sunken to the bottom of the pool at this point.

"Well, that was easy. As much as I'd love to stay for you to herd the flock back to safety later, I've got to go set up for our date. I'll pick you up." Before he pulls himself out of the pool, however, he makes sure to swim up to you and pull you in for another deep kiss. God, your lips just feel so right. So perfect. Like he's finally found his home and he never wants to leave. If he's honest he wants to do this date so quickly just to prove that all of this is real. He didn't expect you to respond to him in earnest so quickly, and now he feels both a sense of extreme exhilaration and joy coupled with looming anxiety that if he doesn't actually take you out on a date soon he'll wake up and find out that this was all an elaborate dream. Or worse, a prank.

------------------

It's currently just a few minutes past eight and Changkyun is sitting uncomfortably straight on your couch as he waits for you to finish changing. He can't remember the last time he was this nervous for a date. Middle school dance perhaps? Shit, his palms are even sweaty now. He wipes them on his jeans and takes a moment to stare at his reflection. He doesn't look too shabby. The leather jacket, beanie, black t-shirt, and fitted ripped black skinnies are a classic look. You can't go wrong with that, right? Oh god, what if you wanted him to look classy? Does this look too much like a college kid? No...no this is fine. It kind of has to be, you've already seen him. You didn't comment much though. Shit.

In the midst of his self deprecating anxiety riddled thoughts running rampant, he sees you step into the living room. You're wearing a simple white sundress and sandals, but there's something about it that drives those obnoxious butterflies wild in his stomach. Maybe it's just you. He swears you could wear a potato sack and he'd still think that you're the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. It's not fair how little you have to do to captivate him while he's worried about simple things like if his t-shirt is too casual to impress you.

"Are you ready to go? I'm surprised with how impatient you were to get on with this date that you weren't hollering at me to hurry up while I changed."

"We have all the time in the world tonight. And I'm glad I didn't rush you because you look...stunning."

"Well, I hope I'm dressed okay for whatever you have planned. You still aren't going to tell me where we're going are we?"

"Now who's the impatient one?" Changkyun can't help but smile at the way you roll your eyes before linking hands with him. Christ, you're really going to be the death of him. He still can't believe this is happening. He might have been the one who rushed into this date, but his brain still can't wrap around the fact that you've now kissed him twice and asked him out. Over the moon doesn't even begin to describe his enthusiasm. "No, I'd rather not spoil the surprise."

----------

It isn't long before Changkyun is pulling up to a secluded back entrance to a lake. You had once brought Hyungwon and him here during a summer visit the summer of your sophomore year. He was attacked by leeches and you had to rummage through your backpack for salt packets you pilfered at fast food places for no apparent reason. But for some reason, he felt that this just had to be the place to take you. That same day you had opened up to him about the gnawing loneliness that had occurred after leaving home, but how you refused to come back with your tail tucked between your legs to be another small town girl who just couldn't make it in a bigger city. It was the first time that you had ever confided in him, the first time that he had seen the infallible you seem so scared and lost. It had started a shift in your friendship, you had trusted in him at that moment with something you hadn't shared with anyone else.

"I can't believe you actually remember this place. I feel I should warn you, I don't carry pilfered salt packets around with me anymore so taking a dip in the lake probably isn't the best idea."

"Are you kidding me? I'd rather try to tame a wolf than enter that godforsaken water ever again."

"Taming a wolf sounds badass."

"See, you get it. Please, tell that to Hyungwon." In just a matter of seconds, he's getting out of the car and jogging around to open up your door before rummaging around in the backseat for his backpack. Unfortunately, or possibly fortunately for you, he doesn't have a kitchen to even try to make some sort of picnic evening meal from scratch. Instead, he's spent his time zipping around the grocery store for easy enough things like premade and overpriced salads, a bottle of grey goose (he'd rather not spend that much on alcohol, but he knows that you're a staunch advocate for top-shelf liquor), and a bottle of lemonade. He grabs the blanket from the back and leads the way to a small clearing before setting everything up.

"I can't help but wonder how long you've had this date actually planned. This seems like a lot for something so last minute."

"Does it? Well I mean, I guess I've kind of had this idea running around my head for a while. I kept hoping that you'd ask me to actually prove myself and take you out on a date and bam I could surprise you with a moonlit dinner by the lake that would be so beautiful and thoughtful you'd go 'oh Changkyun you're so sweet' and fall madly in love with me. But I'm not going to pretend I'm not ecstatic about the way how everything worked out in the end."

He watches you take a sip of the drink he pours for you, the way you gaze at him so intently before slipping into a comfortable silence as you take in your surroundings. It isn't until he's handed you your salad that you finally speak up. "You know...this lake holds a very important memory for me." You take a long pause, glancing over at him before continuing. "God, how long ago was it that I took you guys here? Four years ago? No. Shit, it had to have been about six years ago now, almost seven. I was going through this really rough patch. When you're a kid you think you have everything all figured out and then life hits you repeatedly in the face until you realize that you actually don't know shit. But just like you, I'm a rather stubborn person. I tried so hard to look like I was doing well when you guys came out to visit me for summer, tried to pretend like I wasn't emotionally falling apart at the seams. But I knew you could see past that facade. You've always been eerily observant of those around you, even if it looks like you're completely oblivious. But you didn't say anything, you just played along with my act of complete happiness at being miles away from everything I've ever known. Isolated and struggling to find decent friends. Until we got to this lake, and you finally asked me why I looked so hollow when I smiled when I was in the middle of pouring salt on those disgusting leeches. You wouldn't let me play it off. You said that it wasn't healthy to keep it all bottled in and for the first time in a long time I came clean. And I realized something then. Not only were you wise beyond your years, but I had always relied on you more than I had realized. You were always around to listen to me bitch about boys and parties and my parents. You had always supported me when I said I wanted to get my masters in linguistic anthropology, a very obscure field that everyone figured would amount to nothing."

You take another long pause, taking a few bites of food and sipping on your drink before looking straight at him. It's the look of analysis, that look that says you can see right through him and into his soul. Almost as if you've found a way to dive into someone's psyche and rummage around all of their thoughts. "It wasn't until a couple of years later that I understood the full weight of this realization. I figured you were just my closest friend. An ally in the midst of an internal battle, if you will. But then one night I was having an argument with Kihyun and I told him that he wasn't supportive the way you were. which is a really fucking weird thing to say to your boyfriend, you know? He was quick to point that out to me, and then he said that he didn't want to be my second choice. I think I fell in love with you at this lake, and I was just too arrogant to realize it. I'm sorry that I'm a bit of a mess. And that I keep kissing you without properly explaining or resolving things. I can't tell you how long I've wanted to tell you all of this. It feels nice to finally come clean. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I love you Changkyun. I love you for you. For all the weird things you do. For being there for me when no one else was. For just simply existing. For being my number one supporter. For working so hard all these years to keep up with me when really you've always been ahead in your own ways. I love the way you look at me, the way you make me feel like everything is good and pure and safe when I'm around you. I love that I can just be myself around you and how you don't hold back when you're around me. I love you."

"Holy shit." He expects to hear another quip about his failure of eloquent words but instead, you just laugh. Never in a million years would he have guessed that his unrequited love had been reciprocated for so long. To be fair, the two of you have tangled yourselves in rather complicated webs. It would be nice if life could be so straight forward in a way that the two of you could have just said all of this years ago, but neither of you are the same people now as you were back then. You've both grown, changed. He knows that he would've felt too unsure of himself, that the relationship would have been doomed to failure had you actually been honest back then because he really was too young. A bit too inept to keep up with you, a bit too insecure to have been able to confidently be by your side. But now? Now all he can think of is how much he wants to grow with you, for you, for himself. But his brain isn't allowing him to just get the damn words out.

After what feels like an eternity he finally manages to croak out, "I've been in love with you for so long that it's surreal hearing that you've felt the same way. I've dreamt of this moment you know? And I'm a little disappointed that a rainbow isn't shooting out of the night sky with a leprechaun showering us in gold because it feels like that damn magical. It just feels all...I don't know rather anticlimactic I guess, but I don't mean that in a bad way. Because this is real. It's not some romanticized fantasy. It feels natural and right and real, and holy shit do I really want to kiss you. Can I? Kiss you that is?"

He watches the way you tilt your head back and laugh before pulling in closer to him, a smile on your lips as you cock an eyebrow up and say, "I think that sounds perfect right about now." That's all he needs to hear before he places one hand on the back of your head and drags you into a slow kiss.

Every time he's kissed you it's been different. The first time was unsure, then heated, and then finally very cold. A microwave meal kiss seems an apt description to him. The second time, earlier today, that one was a declaration. It was bold. Firm. A statement. That you weren't holding back. That you wanted him. But this one is slower, more sensual. There's something lingering just underneath the surface, the sexual tension that's been building for years is trying to crash through the tidal waves of emotions. This time the two of you are confirming all the unsaid things. All the time it's taken to grow. All the time it's taken to reach this point where you could be honest. And happy. And in love. A budding love, sure. But it's mutual.

It's when he slips his tongue into your mouth that the sexual tension finally breaks through. The soft groan from your throat reverberates through his body, lighting a hunger in him as his hands quickly pull you into his lap. You respond in kind, your hands quick to roam under his shirt and across the firm planes of his abs. Perhaps Minhyuk was right. Abs are indeed a golden ticket. Not that Changkyun will ever tell him that. His hands grip tightly at your hips as he places open-mouthed kisses along your neck before stopping at the top of your breasts before you pull back to take off your dress before tugging his shirt over his head.

"I'm not usually a first date kind of gal. Not that there's a problem with that, but I have trust issues I guess. What I'm trying to say is I want you. I really want you, I don't care where we are or that this is really rushing into things, but so help me god if I don't fuck you soon Changkyun I might combust."

"Spontaneous combustion is one of my favorite myths but I'd really rather not witness that before I get to finally feel you. Shit, I want to be inside you so bad. Do you know how many times I've jerked off to the thought of you?"

"Many a tube sock ruined in high school, I can imagine. I pray that you did your own laundry."

"Of course I did! God, there is no way in hell I'd make my poor mom go through that. Puberty is awkward enough without having to explain jizz stains to your mom." His hips thrust up instinctively when you palm his already prominent erection through his pants. Good god, he prays that he doesn't nut too fast.

"Very true but you know what I'd like? For you to stop waxing poetic about the past and fuck me right now." He can feel all air leave his lungs when you pull him into another kiss before unzipping his pants and pulling his erection free. "If you want to, that is."

"Noona, I really want to fuck you. I want to, holy shit, hear you scream my name. I want to watch you cum on my cock...fuck...probably more than I want to do anything else in life." He struggles with his words when he sees your fingers wrap around his dick and slowly pump him. The way you maintain eye contact with a coy smile only has his insides boiling over. Shit, he figured you'd be the type to take the lead but it's a whole other world experiencing it than fantasizing about it. It's almost like you've put him in a trance. As if the outside world doesn't matter right now. Who cares that his dick's right out there for the world to see in front of a public lake at night, or that the two of you have barely just confessed your love and should technically be enjoying this picnic he's put together when you're looking at him like that? Certainly not him. No, all that matters right now is that he wants to feel you. Taste you. Hear your moans. And the feeling is clearly very mutual.

When you finally detract your hand to take your bra and underwear off he's both relieved and more excited than before. Holy shit, this is really happening. He's only temporarily dissatisfied that you undress so quickly, his thoughts quickly shifting when you straddle his lap and guide his hands to your core. You're already dripping wet, and even the softest flick of his thumb on your clit has you sighing contentedly into his neck. It's a bit difficult at this angle, but he's determined to hear those sighs turn into moans. He works one finger into you slowly, slipping in a second after a moment. When you arch your back and grind down he moves his thumb in slow circles around your swollen clit before speeding up at the sound of your quiet command, "faster."

It isn't long before sighs turn into mewls and then turn into moans that you muffle in the crook of his neck. "Like that, fuck, right there." He can feel his dick twitch at the lack of attention, but he doesn't care. All he wants right now is to see you climax, feel you cum on his fingers. When you do he feels you tighten, hears you cry out a loud "fuck" into his shoulder before biting down. It's magical. Fuck the leprechaun, this is the real pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. He slows down when you go limp against him, breathing raggedly before smiling up at him with a dazed expression. Christ, he wants you. "Can I...can I fuck you now or...do you need a moment?"

"I mean...I could give you some head if you want."

"Yes, no, I mean. Yes, head sounds great, but no not right now. I'm about five minutes away from blowing my load, not going to lie."

"I can work with that." You take a moment to adjust before gripping his dick in your hand. "Lay back, that'll make this easier."

"Yes, ma'am." You roll your eyes when he salutes you, but you respond only by sinking onto him. You move so slowly he's afraid he'll die at this rate. It's as delicious as it is torturous, the way he feels you adjust and stretch around him as you slowly guide yourself further down his cock. He could die right now a happy man. He's had sex, but this. This is different. Better. It's fantastic, perfect, his own slice of heaven. And maybe that's why when you've taken all of him and moan softly before rolling his hips he blurts out, "I love you." Because he does. He loves you with every fiber of his being, and he doesn't want you to think that all he thinks about is sex. He sort of does, but that's not what this is about. This is more than that. this is more than sex even. It's not a random hookup, or a random girlfriend to pass the time with. No, this is you. And that makes everything different. Like he's floating on cloud nine. Like he's finally found the secret to life buried somewhere deep in your pussy.

When you roll your hips again and position his hands over your breasts you pause to respond for a moment, "I love you too." It's simple, a matter of fact. And it brings emotions rolling into it. For a moment neither of you moves. The two of you just basking in the profundity in the realization that this means something more. That the two of you are finally more. Your lips come crashing down onto his, a hunger chasing at the two of you as his hips rut in tandem each time you roll.

"Shit, shit, I'm not going to last long. I'm so sorry. I promise I'm normally not, fuck!" He stops functioning when your hands grip his balls.

"It's okay, I already came earlier. Let go, Changkyun." It only takes you grinding down on him once, twice, three more times before he's spilling inside you. His orgasm hits him with a force he's not used to. A loud groan leaves him before he pants out your name, goosebumps rising up on his flesh as his hands move to quickly grip your hips closer to him.

"Fuck, fuck. Holy fuck, Noona." He loves the way you laugh, squeezing around his rapidly softening dick before peppering kisses around his face. And even though he's limp and sliding out of you and smearing cum all over your thighs and his jeans neither of you care. The two of you just bask in soft stolen kisses, quiet declarations of love and adoration, and bouts of giggles. He isn't sure how long the two of you stay like that. It might have been just a few minutes or an hour. It's easy to lose track of time when he's with you. But when the two of you do finally break away to get dressed it's more because of the chill in the air than anything else. As you pack up your long forgotten salads he grabs your hand and pulls you into another kiss. He's always wanted to be able to do that. Just hold hands with you. Kiss you. Be by your side. In a way, somehow, that's even better than the fact that he finally got to sleep with you. But he's pretty sure that would sound lame so instead, he says, "Noona, I really love you. And I don't know where life is going to take us, but I do know I want it to be with you. I mean, I know that sounds dumb and serious considering that we technically only started dating, and I'm totally rushing into things but-"

"Changkyun. It's okay. You don't sound dumb. I'm glad you're telling me all of this because I really love you too. And I'm really glad that I can finally say that. So please, stop thinking so damn much."

"We both know that's never going to happen. We're both chronic overthinkers. But...I am really happy."

"Good. We have a lot to talk about, and think about. But right now I'm freezing my ass off, so how about you spend the night with me and we can cuddle in my warm cozy bed and think about all the possibilities life has in store for us there?"

"That sounds perfect. Hey, how soon do you think we should tell our parents?"

"Oh my god, you complete and utter dork. Save it for the warm bed, please."

-------------------

That night the two of you did, indeed, cuddle and wax philosophical for hours although that was sometime between showering and going for a round two. That day was the start of many moments with you. There were, of course, hiccups in it all, but it always ended up working out. He learns that love is constantly evolving and changing. The love that he held for you that night doesn't remain. It grows into something much more than any daydream could have ever seen for the two of you. Sometime's it's softer, especially on nights that the two of you lay in bed and just comfort each other after hard days. Sometimes it's a bit smug, like the time the two of you go home for Christmas and run into Shownu or the times you run into his previous flings. Sometimes it's a passionate frenzy. Sometime's it a bit haggard, especially on the nights that follow one particular passionate frenzy that results in your daughter who doesn't know how to sleep through the goddamn night until she's four. But the core concept that is love, the fact that the two of you want each other and want to face the world together? Well, that never changes. If anything, it grows stronger. Although, he still refused to admit even decades later that Minhyuk had a helping hand in sparking the moment that would start everything.

#changkyun fanfic #changkyun smut #changkyun fanfiction #monsta x fanfic #monsta x reader insert #changkyun reader insert #Monsta x fanfiction

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years

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Survey #259

"i went straight to heaven, but i kept on knockin’.”

What's something that makes you feel more creative? Music. What are the last three nail polish colors you wore? Wow, idk the last time I wore nail polish, but probably black or maroon. What's the last thing you binge watched? Avatar: The Last Airbender w/ Sara. Do you watch youtube videos or tv shows more? YouTube is essentially my TV. Quite literally - I don't have a television in my room because I never watch it. What's a DIY project that you don't think actually works? Oh dude, plenty. I have DIY-obsessed friends online as well as a Pinterest, I know this shit, lmao. I can name one though with total certainty because I was with a friend when she tried that disgusting "YOU CAN MAKE cuPCAkES IN A C uP!!!!!" crap. It's the most eggy shit you'll ever try. Do you collect Mason jars to use for crafts? No, but I think those crafts are generally super cute. Have you ever gotten rid of something and then regretted it? If so, what? (or what's one thing?) Oh yeah, one of my biggest being my senior prom pictures, but not for the reason you'd expect (save for two pictures of us that're just REALLY fuckin cute): I want them back because goddamn I was pretty ok and I miss that now that I hate my body every waking moment of every day. :^) What color is the zip-up hoodie you wear the most? Don't have one w/ a zipper, they're ugly. Do you live in an apartment that has inspections? No. Do you hate taking naps during the day? Nooo I love naps and usually take one a day. I tend to feel really tired all over again a few hours or so after I wake up. Who in your immediate family has the best natural hair? MEEEEEEEEEEEE. Would you ever audition for American Idol? Hell no. Do you know anyone who thinks they're more talented than they are? Lol wow, this is mean. I don't think so. Do you buy gum? Rarely, even though I like it. What's your favorite dollar store? I don’t have a favorite, I'd say? But I think we normally go to Dollar General. How many cell phones have you had in your lifetime? Maybe like, six? Have you ever been inside a Victorian mansion? BITCH I WISH!!!!!!!!!!!! I would kill to get married in one, omfGGGGGGGGGGG. What was the most boring field trip you ever want on? I don't remember a bad one. I loved going on field trips. The last time you went, what were your favorite rides at Cedar Point? I’ve never been. Which country would you most like to visit? Eeeeek idk, but probably South Africa. What are your favorite types of videos to watch on YouTube? What I watch on YouTube has become pretty diverse, but I know my favorites are easily Mark's actual big projects w/ egos 'n shit alksjdflk;w gOOD SHIT MY FRIENDS. I still love let's plays, of course! Are you a hoarder? No. Is there a guy (or girl) that you wish things had worked out with? Yes. If you were to start a collection, what would it be? I'd loooove Shadow of the Colossus stuff, particularly the amazing figures they used to have only in Japan. And World of Warcraft stuff; all I have rn is an Illidan poster and a fae dragon plushy hanging from my ceiling that Jason got me. If you were rich, what things would you get done cosmetically? Mother of god, a lot. #1, make me skinny again for the love of fuck. Which would result in loose skin being taken off and probably a breast lift because being overweight ruined my comfort with them laskdjfw. Whiten my teeth and give me laser hair removal surgery on my legs, please. Are your parents too controlling? Not at all. Who is your favorite fictitious redhead? VOL'JIN Blizzard what the FUCK give him BACK What shows have you seen on Broadway? None. Who is the prettiest Asian YouTuber that you can think of? Bitch Mark is Korean and he's gorgeous as fuck goddamn it ain't fair. But this is a weird question. What is the best news you've heard lately? When my mom got a follow-up blood test, things looked good!! She especially needed to level out her sugar, which she did well on. She also didn't lose or gain any weight, so that's wonderful. Have you ever flown first class? Hunny I am v poor. Have you ever had food SO bad in a restaurant that you sent it back? I don't believe so, anyway. Do you talk in your sleep? Very regularly now. Have you ever locked yourself out of your house? OOF, yes. Are you the type of person who can shake insults off easily, or do they tend to stick around in your brain & bother you? They stick with me for a long, long time. At least two I remember from years upon years ago. Who was the last person you cut out of your life intentionally? My old therapist that I trusted and loved when I fucking shouldn't have. Where were you raised? By who? Eastern NC, by my parents. What were your first words? "Dada." What were some of your favorite things when you were young? DINOSAURS, Webkinz, Pokemon, and Spyro, to name a few. What did you grow up listening to? Mostly country and pop music. What games did you play in the past? Spyro was my obsession, and I also loved hunting games (ironic, as irl I would never even consider it???) as well as fishing ones, plus Crash Bandicoot. What was the best birthday party you ever had? I'm not sure. How about the best vacation? I'm unsure; I haven't really been on a lot. Do you have any secrets you never intend to tell? Yup. What memory would you like to disappear from your mind forever? A nightmare I had about my dad. If you were someone else, would you be friends with the person you are now? Yeah. Do you consider yourself a smart person? No. What friend in your life has been the greatest influence to you? I don't know. Where is the scariest place you’ve ever been? What made it so terrifying? I shared a bedroom with an EXTREMELY volatile, violent woman once in the mental hospital. As in she had to go in solitary when she had a violent episode, during which she became very destructive to her surroundings, so as you could guess, I was worried about my own wellbeing. She was eventually moved because I was that uncomfortable. Did you celebrate Easter? Are there any holidays you are more inclined to celebrate than others? If so, which? Well, Easter hasn't come yet, but we'll probably go to my sister's house for the kids. We'll celebrate Christmas and Thanksgiving without fail. We don't pay much attention to others. I'd LOVE to do something for Halloween, we just never have anywhere to go/anything to do. What was the last thing you deleted? Pictures. What colors make up the majority of your wardrobe? Is there any color you like, but don’t wear often? There's black there. Oh, there's s'more black. What's that???? More bLACK????? MAN, I wish I could pull off pink. When was the last time you were in any amount of pain? I had a pretty intense headache yesterday. Who was the last person to hug you? Do you hug this person often? My niece, and yeah, every time I visit. What are you most likely to argue or debate about? The fact I almost never leave my pajamas lmao. What was the last show you watched? Have you seen it before, or is it something you’re watching for the first time? A few days back, I was reeeaaally bored and actually watched TV deliberately, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?????? It was The Witcher; wasn't bad. I'd be willing to watch more. How would you describe your taste in clothing? What would a dream outfit look like to you? uuuuuggggGHHHHHHHH let me be GOTH. Give me a corsette if they weren't notoriously uncomf with plenty of chains 'n stuff. BIG, SPIKY BOOTS. SKINNY LEATHER PANTS. UUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHH. Have you ever tried snowboarding? No. What’s your favorite planet besides Earth? Saturn is dope. Would you ever be a coach for any sport? Nope. What color of eyes do you have? Blue. Do you like tacos? NOOOOOOOOO. White or red wine? Wine is gross. Do you prefer foxes or wolves? Foxes. What’s the youngest you would consider dating? No younger than 21. Do you think suits are sexy? mmmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM Did you go to high school with your current best friend? No. What is your boss’ (or school prinicpal’s) name? N/A Were you a fan of Michael Jackson before he died? I was never really a fan. Respected him immensely as a musician, I just didn't care much about his music. Turkey or ham for Thanksgiving? Ham. Turkey is always too dry and stringy. Do you look good in hats? I wouldn't know, I haven't worn one in forever. Never with short hair. Colons or equal signs for your smiley face's eyes? Colons. Do you like architecture? If so, do you have a favourite style or structure that you’d like to make note? Yes, and I should really have an answer for this, as architecture was a big part in Art History... Ummm Etruscan stands out, and of course Roman/Greek (even after the class I don't remember their differences well...). I love Middle Eastern architecture, too. What is one of your favorite words, in any language, and why? I just love the sound of "serendipity," as well as uhhhh "sakura" in Japanese and "kanji" in Chinese. I'm trying to think of a German one, as there certainly are some, but they're evading me right now. Where is the farthest you’ve travelled on foot? JESUS FUCK probably going to get Sara's brother from school, mother of all that is holy. But it might just feel like it because it was during the peak of my muscle atrophy in my legs. Are there any songs that you perhaps like but avoid because it makes you sad when heard? A good number. Do you like the area that you live in? What do you like or dislike about the area? NO. There's not shit to do and it's not aesthetically pleasing at all. Do you have a memory of when you really thought that you have lucked out on something? If so, what was it? Uhhhhh. A handful, I guess? Oh, uh, the suicide attempt to name one and probably the biggest. I took way too many of those pills to experience almost zero symptoms of an overdose; I did look up what "too many" was, because I wanted that. I'd say I was pretty fuckin lucky. If you have apps on your mobile phone, which one do you use the most? Facebook. Which do you like better: fantasy or science fiction novels? Why? FANTASY!!! I think it allows more creativity and possibilities of something magically "making sense" because yeah, it's fantasy. Science fiction has more "realness" to it, more, obviously, scientific elements versus make-believe. Do you like opossums? Do you think it is ethically right for others to keep opossums as pets? OPOSSUMS!!!!!!!!! ARE!!!!!!!!!! FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They're my second-favorite animals kdsja;lkdjaw. BUT ANYWAY, no, unless it's for rescue reasons. When was the last time someone asked you a huge favor or advice? Do you get asked often by this person? Oh I have no idea. Probably my mom? And no, definitely not. She hates asking for help. What are your thoughts on nihilism? I definitely get it, but it's not my personal outlook. Do you like the snow? More like love. What are your thoughts and feelings towards work/jobs in general? I don't know? I've never even had a real, steady job, so it's hard to really answer... I've only had bad experiences. It's kinda weird to me how you have to work your ass off (usually) to get a job you enjoy, as well as slave for some stupid green paper until the day you die just to stay alive and healthy. But at the same time, it offers a sense of fulfilment and is as well something productive and beneficial to the masses to do. Civilization would be very, very different and unadvanced if we were without them, so I guess it is a necessary thing. Humans gotta work together to keep where we're at. Do you believe in astrology? I've never actually elaborated why I don't believe in it so there ya go: not in the slightest. All it does is offer extremely broad characteristics that, in some light, almost anyone can relate to so they feel included in something. We naturally want to "belong" within something as social creatures, and astrology is an easy one with it being so vast. It gives equally indirect advice that can be applied to a multitude of situations, so people just mold what they read to fit their world. Don't base your goddamn life choices on the random positioning of shit in space. What is something that you’ve made/created? Do you take pride in your creations? Well, way way way too many OCs that I do indeed love a hell of a lot. If you have a Tumblr account, do you have any followers that you wish would not follow you? Well I'm sure there are bots. What kind of books do you generally enjoy to read? Fantasy stuff, mostly. But I also love novels with deep meaning, particularly about life in general. A good plot is mandatory. Does the quality of a video, on YouTube or a television, matter to you? I mean of course in some situations, like if I'm watching something educational/something to gain visual knowledge from. What is one situation that may cause you to become shy (if there is any)? Don't don't don't don't don't point out that my serious interests/things I massively love are "weird" like it's been years and I can still barely explain why my biggest tattoo is a tribute to some fuckface on the Internet lmao. When one is depressed, what can a friend do about it? Do you find that there is a good method to approach people in helping them combat depression? It is SO important to, first, ask them what they want. Do they want advice, an ear to just listen, just your presence, to be alone? As for combating depression, that greatly depends on the origin (if any) of theirs. There are so many factors in answering this question, but what I mentioned should, imo, always be the start. Do you tend to listen to music that embraces your mood or does music dictate your mood? Is it a little bit of both? Definitely both. When I'm sad though, I'm almost definitely listening to somber music too. Do you find yourself to be generally a forgiving person? I'm too goddamn forgiving. Do you have an embarrassing memory that you now look back at and can laugh? If so and if you’re comfortable, could you share one here? Omg I have a Bible-length collection of those suckers. I'd prefer not to. What is one skill that you have worked hard to develop? Is there still room for improvement on that skill? Damn, anxiety-coping mechanisms and actually trusting them to help me through attacks. I used to be convinced that they were useless because it just wouldn't work and weren't immediately effective, but you've gooooooot to trust the process, friends. What do you consider to be your main passion(s) and how did they come about? Spreading awareness of the seriousness of mental health and the comfort of knowing there's hope. You can never stop pushing. My own experience with mental health struggles is definitely the deeeep roots of that. Who do you think influenced you the most in your life so far? Why? Jason changed my life in many ways. Trauma does that. He taught me a lot about the necessity of having faith in yourself to survive on your own, a shitload about love and how it's not some fairy tale, and that people change, even those you least expect to. What is something that you have overheard people talk about that really bothered you? I could name more than a few things about race stuff, living where I do. What do you normally say or how do you normally act in response to a compliment? I usually do this shy laugh and say "thank you" with too much enthusiasm. How many books do you own? Do you have more physical books than electronic books? I've no clue where a lot of my old ones are. I have no electronic ones; I strongly prefer to read a physical book. What are your thoughts on higher education? Is it really necessary? In your opinion, what changes can be made? Depending on your aspiring career, it can be necessary, but just as easily, it can be unnecessary. I know for a fucking fact it should not be NEARLY as expensive as it is. Maybe even free, but I have no idea what monetary concerns that could cause with whoever runs the place. Have you ever received a heartfelt compliment from a stranger? Probably at some point. How many people would you consider to be extremely close to you? "Extremely"... like three lmao. Maybe one more or so. When was the last time you had to speak to a crowd? How well did that go? When I was taking pictures at a wedding last. It went okay. How would you describe your general outlook towards humanity? We by no means deserve to be the apex predator and Earth would be a shitload better without us. How long do you think you could last without any contact with your significant other, best friend, or a person whom you consider would be the closest to you? I'll use my mom here, in which case idk. I don't particularly want to find out. I talk to her at LEAST by text daily. Every day now that she can't work/is always home with me. Have you ever realised that someone was lying, but it was too late to confront them? Nope. Eventually speaking up is how I lost her, but.

#survey #quiz #questions

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writinglionqueen · 5 years

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Something I wanted to share since it was pride month; my coming out story.

For the record, you as an individual do not have to come out if you are not safe/comfortable coming out. It takes a lot to come out sometimes and, sometimes, staying in the closet is safer than coming out. Do so when you are safe. With that, this can be long and emotional for some so put your mental health first if you feel like coming out stories can be triggering for some so please don’t read if it might. There’s not a lot of bad in this story, but I don’t know how others may perceive my story. (Also, as a note, a lot of my language is kinda informal in terms of finding all this out...that’s kinda the point. I was learning who I was throughout the entirety of my life and this is kinda how I rationalized who I was and how I observed everything and how I came to terms with it)

If you didn’t read my header, I’m bi. I’ve been out since 2016. I will explain the process of me figuring it out and how I told everyone.

So, I think I knew I was different from elementary school. I would call myself a tomboy and be “one of the guys.” I didn’t like the things the other girls liked; i.e. Hannah Montana, Jonas Brothers, and Justin Beiber. Instead, I always played with the boys (this could also be because I couldn’t find a girl who was into the same things as me). I would play kickball (even if I sucked). I would play Pokemon and pretend to be superheroes with the three boys I hung out with. Elementary school was also the first time I remembered WWE being a tiny portion of my life. I would pretend to be Kelly Kelly and pretend to beat up the boys (we obviously couldn’t wrestle on the blacktop so we pretended to fight bad guys as WWE people). But I was always that girl who didn’t like to be girly. Not by a long shot so I associated myself with boys and kinda had the thought process that overly girly-girls had cooties (yikes to little me).

In elementary school, I was pretty sure my art teacher was “different.” What I mean by this, and my twin and I talked about it a little more recently in life than when we were in elementary school, because she had incredibly short hair, kinda like a boy style. My twin had recently told me that she doesn’t ever remember out art teacher ever referring to her SO other than partner. Looking back at her now, I am pretty sure she was/is a lesbian. I liked her though. She was creative and made me laugh during the scathes amount of art classes we had with her. (So she could technically be my first interaction with a lesbian. I can’t confirm or deny since I’ve been trying to find her on social media)

Moving into middle school, this was technically my first real experience around a lesbian. There was this girl who was the only one out. She was very much the “tom-boy” persona. As I knew of her in middle school, she had a girlfriend in the 8th grade who was super femme. During the 8th grade, one of my friends decided to have a sleepover and invite the two girls (even though she kinda grumbled about how she didn’t want the two alone.) So at the sleepover, all the girls were supposed to sleep in the large family sized tent they had set up for us. We hung out in it until the early morning, until then some girls wanted to sleep while others played truth and are. Let’s just say, they dared the lesbian couple to make out, they did and it ended with the tom-boy lesbian fingering her femme girlfriend. It didn’t confuse me, but it did make me really think about those kinds of things. This is when sexuality was technically first introduced to me because I think I remember being turned on by what happened.

In late elementary school to middle school. I had a downstairs neighbor who became my friend since she was a year older than me. I think I developed a crush on her since I would become quite jealous if her time wasn’t spent with me. I also thought about holding her hand and liking her. (I didn’t recognize that I liked her until recently when I thought about how long I’ve been bi.)

In high school, I remember there was this dancer who I technically recognized as being my first actual girl crush. I say this because I remember telling my twin one time that I thought she was pretty and my twin kinda laughed at me. She was one of those popular chicks and she kinda treated me like...I had a mental/learning problem (a lot of people I think did but that was because I was quiet and I think I asked a lot of stupid questions). She was the first I technically and literally thought about in a romantic/sexual way. But I never dated girls (and I still haven’t. I’ve dated two guys but...I wasn’t attracted to either at all)

Within this time, I discovered Tumblr and the ease of finding 18+ content when I shouldn’t have. (Most of us been there). With this content, though, this was the only way I discovered and explored my sexuality. (But with the limitations that I only got the sexual lens of wlw and mlm and not the romantic side of things, but for those who don’t know, many LGBTQ+ individuals struggle explorations due to the lack of resources so most of us figured out things through porn and other 18+ content). It technically helped me figure out masturbation as a woman and what I was attracted to and what I wasn’t but I always felt ashamed by it because I knew if I was caught I’d probably be shamed by my mother (more so for the 18+ content and masturbating but not the sexuality part). I think my twin is the only person I’ve ever told that I had a crush on a girl at this time. A lot of my friend group in high school (mainly those a year older) were queer in a way or an ally. They made me feel loved as I learned new terms within my high school years of the LGBT. So, closer to the end of my senior year, I knew I liked girls and I liked guys.

For me, I never was afraid to come out. My mom/family had never given me a reason to be afraid of having a different sexuality. I’ve heard my mom verbally praise LGBTQ+ people before I came out.

So when I moved to college, grew a little on my own, I knew who I was. During national coming out day of 2016, I made a quick Facebook post saying that “I’m pretty sure I’m bi.”

I didn't feel afraid, but I was nervous about the reactions of my family and friends that I tuned in on the comments and likes and loves my post got. No one was mean or upset or called me names. The reaction of my mom was not something I was thinking about. I wasn’t dreading it. I wasn’t terrified to hear what she had to say. She never had given me a reason to be afraid.

Instead, she told me she was proud. That she wasn’t mad or upset that I was me. And that she still loved me no matter what.

So it was out there that I was bi.

When I went home for Thanksgiving break, closer to that time, we went out to eat sushi closer to the end of it. The topic of relationships and stuff came about. I think my parents were discussing with my younger sisters that they just wanted to make sure my little sisters were safe. I remember distinctly that my mom said she didn’t have to worry about me, but she also didn’t know if I had a boyfriend or girlfriend where I was staying for college. it made my heart full to hear my mom say that and acknowledge it out loud.

During the summer between my sophomore and junior year, something went sour. I don’t know why it came up, why it needed to come up but my mom was talking to my sisters and me about the things she technically found annoying that we do.

My fault in her eyes is that I’m very opinionated and I have the egotistical mindset that I’m always right. (I am opinionated, I’ll give her that, but I never ever said out loud that I think I’m always right. The air that I probably radiate this mindset I will admit to but) In lieu of this...she says out loud, that I am not bisexual. My heart shatters and I close myself off.

Her reasoning for telling me this is to not think of my sexuality as being the only part of me. I didn’t think I ever gave the air that my sexuality is my only identifier but she wanted to talk to me that it isn’t my only identity.

But, she also states that I can’t claim myself to be bisexual because I’ve never experienced sex with either gender (a surprise from your girl, I’m a virgin). She negates my sexuality because she feels as though she has more life experience to tell me that I am not bisexual, just bicurious. Wrong. Big wrong. (During my sophomore year, my mom and my stepdad cheated on each other, which lead to us finding out my mother is also bisexual but she could never be upfront about it because of our family friends) But, in her eyes, I can not claim my own sexuality because of my virginity to either sex and because she, as an older bi woman, says so because of her experience.

Let me tell you, because of her telling me this, I had the worst breakdown I’ve ever experience in my life. We had the talk again with my stepdad (he wasn’t present for the first time) in which case he reiterates what my mom told me. I can’t be bisexual because I never had sex before. But both were trying to just tell me to not let my sexuality be my only part of my identity that I cling to.

But as he was saying this, I got a panic attack and I didn’t want to listen to a word he had to say and I’m muttering I don’t want to hear it as I basically sob in my living room. Yeah...that’s the worst feeling I’ve ever felt in my life and I still think about it to this day.

Because of my parents basically trying to negate my sexuality and not let me identify myself (I would rather not say that I know I like girls because I fantasize about them in various scenarios [pretty sure my mom or my stepdad asked what I’d do if I didn’t like girls as I thought...as if it’ll change]), I basically had shut down that part of myself and being a LGBTQ+ voice in front of them.

On social media, however, I’m vocal about LGBTQ+ related things...but, sometimes, I feel like I’m being/claiming bisexual to spite them. And I don’t want to feel like I am. That’s not fair to me.

Sometimes, I fear wearing my LGBTQ+ Balor shirt in public...sometimes, I still fear my mom will not revert back to the comment she made about me liking boys and girls.

I never confronted her that these emotions are things I still face even though it’s been almost a year since my mom had said that to me. I feel like I overreacted on everything but I’m still stagnant on my sexuality since I get to decide who I am and what I identify as. As I feel that everyone should be able to do.

I wrote this technically for myself, so I can understand that hey, maybe I knew I was bi all along and never really knew it (which….I felt like I figured it out).

To those who are closeted, to those who are out and know the feeling, and to those who are not LGBTQ+ identifying: you never stop coming out.

I still have to remind some people that I also like girls and that my framework isn’t only hung up on men. Sometimes, I have to remind people that f*g and f*ggot are words I will not tolerate being said (even though I’ve never been personally bullied with them). I still have to remind people that EVERYONE experiences their coming out differently and that they are still trying to figure themselves out daily. I have to remind people that there are those who are fluid about their identity and that there are those who are stagnant on how they identify themselves as. These are things I still have to remind people because the world doesn’t necessarily hand this info out to everyone. That needs to change.

I wanted to share my story on the last day of pride months because....why not?

I’ve never shared it before and coming to terms with my sexuality and what it means to me has helped me processed a lot of how my past has shaped my future and who I am as a person today.

By the way, I do love my mom. I really do. I feel like she messes up a lot when it comes to a lot of different things.

Hopefully, I can tell her how much I still hurt when it comes to hearing her words in my head. Hopefully, I can do this soon, because that pain eats away at me sometimes. Her words haunt me and make me doubt myself and make me ask myself if I truly know who I really am or do other people know me better. (They don’t but those are the questions I may bring up to her if I ever want to talk about this)

I’m bisexual and that is not going to change or be vilified by someone else’s experiences on my identity to fit their means or their experiences. And if I’m wrong, hey I’m wrong (I’m not though. Not this time.)

So take my story as you will. Comment if you like if you can compare my story to yours of if you want to share your experiences and hardships, go for it. I just needed to get this off my chest. And, hey, I’m down to hear other people’s life experiences in terms of how they found out they were LGBTQ+ and how others received them. Or if anyone as kind words to me, I’d take that as well.

Thanks to any who read this and have shown me support.

I love you all.

-Your friendly bisexual writer, Bri

#personal #bisexuality #sexuality #my coming out story #eh

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ecreau · 4 years

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A Decade To Remember

2019 the end of an outstanding decade (even though technically 2020 haha). Wow I never could have imagined it’s been 10 years! I feel like I’ve been working since 2010 and to think I graduated 2013. It was stressful after these years but fulfilling. Here’s a rundown of my life after a decade.

2010

I was still a university student and I remember I had better class schedule than my previous year. I am a morning person I wanted to finish everything before 6 in the evening and the rest of my evening would be, binge watching, gaming or sleeping. Anyway, in my university you could create your own schedule by enlisting to the class you like. Basically, my schedule this year was from 7 in the morning to 1:30 in the afternoon only!

I spent most of my free hours going to the malls after class and different events. And majority of my classes had the best professor who gave me at least 1.75 (equivalent to 80%) in my card.

2011

This was the year, I guess I suddenly became a bookworm and a collector. I have been collecting Kzone magazines ever since a kid but this year all my lunch money went to books and DVDs. To the point the book lady called me as “Calvin and Hobbes guy” because I bought comic books to her every Friday and finished them after 5 days. It was fun and fulfilling in the sense I finished a lot of novels and comics.

During break hours, I spent it by playing The Sims 2 with my friend. We just create characters and never really had to play the main game. Those were the days.

2012

I was so scared sharing my art and design works because of criticisms. But this year, I felt proud of myself because this was the year I got an invitation to be an intern in an award-winning advertising agency. I never could have imagined it because at the start no one actually was answering my emails and calls and after a week, I got 3 calls from different agencies. I was happy because I learned the basics especially working outside the comfort of your classrooms.

2013

The year I graduated, I was happy because it meant no more sleepless nights because you need to paint, design and also review for your next subject! But boy, I miss being a student. 2013 was also the year I met a person who inspired me the most and eventually my first heartbreak.

It was also the year I got my first part-time job as a Human Resource. I was having fun because 2 of my friends in college were with me. For my first ever salary, I spent it for 3DS and Pokemon X. I can still remember how excited I am after the saleslady gave me the box and cartridge. I hastily went home and opened the console. I could not believe I would be playing Pokemon again after years of not. We could not afford of buying the previous games and so after getting a job in 2013 I promised myself that I would not miss a single game anymore.

I was happy and fulfilled this year even though there were bumps because being a fresh graduate was difficult especially looking for a company who’s willing to train newly graduates.

2014

This was the year of confusion. After I left my first legitimate job, I had a 6 month break. Literally, no one wanted me as their graphic designer I was sad but at the same time I did create a lot of personal projects for myself. I created my first portfolio and traveled overseas.

It was the year of relaxation, self-improvement and creating artworks.

2015

I got my first full-time job, as a graphic designer from an outsource company in Singapore. It was the first time I needed to speak English when working; it was uncomfortable at first eventually I got used to it. I nearly got fired from the job because of having no experience at all but did overcome all the challenges because of my colleagues.

I lived in an apartment together with my colleagues, spent most of my salary buying games again and ate to different restaurants. I had I guess a mixture of bad experiences more than just the good ones. I left the work, fortunately, I got hired again.

2016

It was this year I had a major downfall in terms of my emotional. I didn’t take it as a serious condition until I hurt a lot of people already. It was also the year I had my first full-time job that I stayed for a while (about 2 years). I enjoyed the work but never thought how to maximize my potential as a designer.

I was hired as a graphic designer in a restaurant company and within 2 years I ate a lot of good food, like seriously never been tasted before cuisines. I created a lot of designs I dreamed of when I’m still a fresh graduate- billboards, flyers, brochures and website landing pages.

2017

After 2 years, I left the company because it wasn’t fulfilling as the previous years. I never really got a high appraisal in terms of salary (hello management ugh) even though I was mainly the person who created the ‘face’ of the company.

Nothing significant happened on this year but just I wanted something fresh. Out of the toxic company that I have in to.

2018

The start of better ‘me’. I was depressed for a long time and I honestly didn’t know about it. I thought it was just me having normal problems but it was more than serious. I got a new job and it let me work as early as 6 in the morning (I’m a morning person). Going out early after work helped me a lot to cope up while doing consultations with my doctor. After several months, my doctor told me I’m better. I was so happy and fulfilled. I got a lot of new friends which eventually turned into traveling mates. We planned several travels together.

This was the year, I was so grateful I let my guards down and asked for a professional help. I’m out of the toxicity I got into and I am more than happy.

2019

Everything I experienced in this year was out of my comfort zone. I got fired for the first time, I was sad but eventually got hired where my schedule is flexible. I traveled to Palawan, Philippines with my friends, watched 2 concerts, 1 Broadway musical and was part of a volunteers program held by our national sports committee. I had the best year ever. It wasn't perfect which I loved.

I also started listening to self-help podcasts. It helped me a lot and is still helping me. One of my favorite podcast, The Morning Rush and The Eve's Drop. The use English as their medium of speaking. Check it out guys!

To sum up everything in 10 years, here's a photo of my plush, Hugo eating the best potatoes in the world!

I can’t wait to fail again and stand up this year. Go for it 2020!

You can see full post here: plaidconnection.wordpress.com/…

#2020 #Life #Quotes #Personal #Pokemon #HugoTheCyndaquil #Cute #Nostalgia #decade #PlaidConnection

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imaginingit · 6 years

Text

high school au!haechan

GUESS WHO’S BACK !! in case you’ve never met anyone that embodies SUCH a typical high schooler like hyuck before, here u go ! may or may not have done the quarterback and band geek trope . i regret nothing

oh BOY

first of all

let’s backtrack a little bit and talk about middle school!haechan too cause...,,, dude is a Mess

was the sketchy one in seventh grade that sold like g-shocks and silly bands at the hill in front of the park every lunch recess

had a power ranger lunchbox all the way up until he was like 13 lol when yukhei would be like.....hyung......What.

during the summer when the school staff are making up the lists for the classes everyone’s like

“nO no way he’s in a class with renjun, renjun is the only person he’ll ever be afraid of i can’t have that dispute in my class”

“um. hyuck can’t be in the same class as jisung either...i once saw him try to feed jisung yellow snow saying it was lemon flavoured... poor boy believed him...”

“mark’s mother gifted me a box of chocolates last year with a note thanking me for my hard work and begging her son to be in a different class than hyuck. sorry, guys.”

the principal looks over all the lists and is like UM these are bullshit reasons, just put all of them together, how bad could it be???

ahem. BAD.

every science class starts with chenle and yukhei SCREAMING the bill nye theme song do u guys watch the vlives my GOD i thought chenle was hard to keep up with and nOW THERE’S LUCAS

dodgeball during phys-ed is just haechan, yukhei and jeno absolutely slaughtering everyone

mark has his headphones in the entire time in art class and if one of the guys try to talk to him he just raises his finger and shushes them

jeno and jaemin flirt

renjun, chenle and yukhei trying to win jisung over and then ending up just swearing at each other in mandarin

anyway

has been the football captain since he was at the youngest age that was eligible to even sign up,,,,, he’s that good

always always makes mark walk home with him after practice

so mark just sits on the bleachers with his bio textbook in his lap and glasses slipping down his nose, pages just flying left and right from the wind, bored out of his mind like fUCking hyuck i hate u i hate waiting two hours for practice to end just so you can show me your new pokemon cards at home ffs

everytime there’s practice before school, he’s always the last one to stay on the field, promising coach he just wants to try another long catch

SO because he’s always late this BITch just runs straight to first period with sweaty hair and practice clothes and athletic tape still on his fingers

renjun: you disgust me.

jaemin: here’s my deodorant. and jeno’s. and jisung’s. here take all of ours take it please just take it oh my gO d

loves this sport more than absolutely anything honestly

his entire bedroom is just full of patriots posters and banners

his mom pranked him on his birthday telling him to open the box on his bed with pats tickets inside

ran upstairs crying hysterically and fucking opened it to find a picture of his siblings going HA YOU THOUGHT

resented them for the rest of his life

but this boy also really loves music!!

always performs a ballad every year at the school talent show with jisung doing some sort of contemporary performance

his parents are both fans of old schoolers, like abba & elvis & beatles such, so he grew up with the beautiful combination of football on the tv and ‘mamma mia’ spinning on the record player in the kitchen

during his final middle school year, he performed a version of his favourite park hyoshin song, and finished with the entire school in uproar, cheering and screaming HYUCK HYUCK HYUCK!!! YES!!!

and so he puts the mic back on the stand and runs down the stage to his teammates waiting in the crowd

so excited and and ready to jump into their arms

only to witness a couple of them standing there motionless and checking their wrists, as if waiting from the start for his performance to be over

he sees the defensive tackle of his team, some dude that probably shaves twice a day and is beefed BEYOND belief

“hey man, abt time you’re done, coach wants to run over some plays for next week’s game against yg tech, let’s go”

and that was it

the hoard of guys in letterman jackets pull him into their midst and before he could even complain, they mercilessly make their way to the gym as a group

with renjun, chenle, jaemin, jeno, mark and yukhei all just standing there like ... o ... ok ... we just wanted to congratulate u, hyuck...

donghyuck never brings that moment up ever and the dreamies don’t question (yes lucas is a dreamie square up)

from then on, they notice hyuck’s been humming less and isn’t even commenting about day6′s new releases or how renjun’s grandfather bought a brand new record player from the most expensive record store in their town

donghyuck continues being the school’s star quarterback and having meetings with minor league scouts every week

they know it’s a touchy topic and being as close as they are with each other, they don’t pry hyuck about it and knows he’s the type to hold it in but will bring it up when he has to

but unlike what they all think, hyuck doesn’t explode in anger or spite

he finally opens up on a regular friday night when mark’s sleeping over after finishing a hefty assignment

and mark is surprised that he prods on this topic with, not anger or spite, but ,,,,, fear?

“hey mark.......what if this is the only thing i can do?"

“what do you mean?”

“i don’t want to just be some brainless jock”

mark is a little... stunned... he’s known him all his life and this is the first time hyuck has shown any sign of fear?? of anything???

mark just scootches in a little closer....”you’re not brainless, and this won’t be the only thing you’ll be good at, i promise”

BUT OF COURSE they never speak of it again hyuck’s just kinda like hahahahahha emotions what ahahahah sadness what ahahhahah

but graduation hits and before the dreamies (and yukhei hehe) know it, it’s time for high school

all the upperclassmen know him and think he’s a little shit but love him anyway, so embraced him and all his friends when they entered

fascinated by how much wider the hallways are and how BIG the school actually is

gets lost MORE FREQUENTLY THAN HE’D LIKE TO EVER ADMIT OUT LOUD .

tryouts for the football team are on like the second day

was so excited!!!! to play with his close hyungs and co-captains jaehyun and youngho

coach personally came up to him and was like .... boi it’s so rare for a freshman to be on the varsity team, hERE’S YOUR JERSEY NUMBER AND YOUR LOCKER AND YOUR EQUIPMENT AND YOUR OWN PERSONAL PRACTICE SCHEDULE I’LL WORK AROUND U IT’S OKAY

is treated automatically like the superstar at the first official practice and honestly doesn’t ..,,know how to handle

he’s only always been around his middle school friends, aka people he’s known all his life and who know he doesn’t like being smothered

donghyuck knows he’s good but again, will anyone ever look him past the football?

mark sees all this new attention he’s getting and his heart silently breaks a bit knowing hyuck doesn’t truly want all of this

the football, yes !!! the clout, not really

but hyuck is a freshman!! and knows he can’t speak up quite yet so he endures this superstar status already bestowed on him and forces his uncomfortable smile away

it’s ok !! he tells himself

it’s good to be recognized for something you’re good at ..,, right ?

but as years pass and seniors graduate and championships continue to be won, hyuck slowly climbs up the popularity pyramid with it too

so by the first day of senior year, having just recently started getting close with the captain of the cheerleading squad and throwing the biggest party of the summer break as a last hurrah a few days prior, hyuck walks into the high school doors as the talk of the TOWN

all those stereotypical popular pretty boys you see on tv namely um troy bolton um austin ames um finn hudson um scott mccall um YES

that’s literally him at this point

loved by all students for being a social butterfly and not ??? an asshole ??? to those that aren’t as popular

teachers adore him cause he participates in class and always hands assignments in on time despite his student schedule and always gifts them little holiday baskets at the end of every semester

renjun had junior year chem with him and almost threw his paper out the window when he saw hyuck’s mark

“how are you this good ,,,,,,,, when you don’t even DO anything?!”

point is, he’s at the top of his game

and this year, senior year, the stakes for the championship are higher than ever; with hyuck’s school topping the rankings for the east, they’ll likely be meeting with the champion team in the west for the finals, and coach claims he hasn’t seen a matchup this neck-and-neck in terms of stats, style of play, and pairing matchups in .,,,, years

so there’s absolutely no screwing around this year - losing is not an option

but overall, haechan believes he has his shit planned out: there were assignments, then exams, then playoffs, then the championships, followed by celebrations here and there, and then hopefully a scholarship, followed by graduation and then college, and then it’ll just be the flower road from there

what he really doesn’t factor in, though, is a certain captain of a certain school marching band, swooping in to save his ass for the first time of many,,,,many more to come

it happens on a regular tuesday afternoon

you two shared the same stupid humanities elective class during last period, and it didn’t dawn upon him that a rough copy of this useless visual presentation was due today that he did nOT even know was even assigned

the teacher comes around with her pointy ass glasses and a clipboard decorated in purple flower stickers, visibly softening at an obviously panicked hyuck

“hello, donghyuck, ready to show me the rough copy?”

“well,,,,see i-i um ,,, i”

THE ENTIRE CLASS IS SILENT AT THIS POINT BC

????? LEE DONGHYUCK FORGOT AN ASSIGNMENT?

the teacher kind of urges him on, half in disbelief and half in pity at how scared he looks for the first time ever

he’s still trying to conjure up a plausible excuse, all the while LITERALLY WANTING TO HIT HIMSELF IN THE HEAD

ugh ur so stUPID, hyuck, he thinks, coach even ended practice early last night too and all u did was binge the last airbender for the 80th time AGAIn like a DUMBASS ugh

so there’s a couple more awkward moments of silence

until

“oh, ms kwon! i should have said something, haha we partnered up for this one! i have it on my laptop here!!”

his flushed face whips around and lands on you

in your oversized knit sweater and cute skinny blue jeans ripped at the knee, round glasses threatening to fall from your nose

and a surge washes over him he’s neve r ev er felt before

relief ?? ya, sure. we’ll call it that for now

the teacher looks at you, then back at hyuck with an eyebrow cocked and you steal that moment to send him a nod and stern look in your eyes

he’s spluttering at this point

“ye-yeah, sorry miss, just a little tired and f-frazzled i guess...”

the teacher kind of just gives herself a knowing smile, as sort of a “heh....alrighty then” but walks over to your desk nonetheless

the entire class seems to buy it too, and go back to their white noise chatter

hyuck lets out the loudest exhale before scrambling to his feet over to you just glaring at him with a knowing smile and your arms crossed across your chest

“i’m so soRRY I DON’T EVEN KNOW YOUR NAME WHY DID YOU JUST DO THAT FOR ME YOU REALLY DIDN’T HAVE TO i’m s o sorry i had practice late last night and holy crap it just totally slipped by me and-”

he stops at the sight of you bursting into a fit of giggles and is even more ??? confused ?? hes so frazzled

you: “it’s ok, you idiot, i know you always get stuff in on time anyway”

and he shuts right back up and turns BRIGHT RED bc who even is this person? who’s so cute n helpful

you: “i’m y/n btw!! i’m captain of the marching band for ur team”

and the lightbulb visibly clicks for hyuck

“OOOOH so that’s why you look so familiar!!”

so the two of you chat away about playoffs coming up and the championships the last few years and how it’s so strange neither of you have crossed paths in the pass when you’ve had so many connections

and you kind of just smile and nod at that

because you fully know why

lee donghyuck, captain and quarterback of the football team

lee donghyuck, school heartthrob and teachers’ favourite

lee donghyuck, the social butterfly and the amicable figure in every situation

he had always been there, practicing on the field in front of you as you tried to pry your eyes off of him and run the trumpet section one more time,,.,,,,he was always there, but always so??? unreachable???

you couldn’t pretend you never laid eyes on him on freshman orientation day when he was being stopped by every person he walked by to be high fived and welcomed to the team

and thought wow . his skin? his aura? the way his smile lights up the whole goddamn room?

and you’re in a lot of classes with jaemin and always see hyuck drop by a few minutes before class to sit and goof around before getting lovingly chastised by the teacher

but never reached out to say hi or anything

he was always too unreachable

BUT OF COURSE you don’t say anything and instead just smile at the ground and shrug

“guess that’s just the way we’re supposed to be, you know?”

and just as he was about to ask what you meant by that, the bell rings and you let out a breath you didn’t even realize you were holding

like w Ow a whole 1 hour class w ur crush and he’s finally talking to you ???? TOO MUCH FOR ONE DAY

you don’t even utter a goodbye but just give him a bright, knowing smile, stuff your papers into your bag and leave for the day

and even as the classmates pack up and the teacher is gone and hyuck knows he doesn’t have practice today but needs to get home bc he promised his mom he would help with her flat tire, he can’t find it in himself to stand up and leave

he’s sitting there processing your words, and just,,,,you

“i’ve really been around y/n this whole time and didn’t even know it?”

suddenly he just feels stricken with guilt and shame and remembers all the time the ball landed by the bleachers and you exCitedly running down the steps to toss it back clumsily

he remembers always smiling back and saying “thanks”, but never quite meeting the eyes of the person

he lets out a grumble and just plunks his head onto the wooden desk loudly

chenle and jisung come bc they were all supposed to walk home together

and just see a slumped hyuck bumping his head up and down on the table whispering “stupid, ,,,,, so stupid” over and over again

jisung: he did it oh my god it’s done it broke him football finally broke him HIGH SCHOOL FUCKING BROKE HIM

so after fixing the tire and helping clean after dinner and finally lying in bed that night

he makes this silent promis e ??? to make it up to u somehow ??

you both wake up the next day, both w each other lingering in your minds, and both unsure of what to do to get rid of it

though hyuck isn’t sure he wants to

you both daze off during classes and stare at the back of the head of the person in front of you,,,,just,,, thinking

and then it’s time for fifth period

and you don’t think you’ve ever speedwalked so fast to a class before

people start pouring in and as the second bells starts to ring you still don’t see his face and you decide getting your hopes up all day for no reason was just stupid

the teacher is about to start the class before the door opens one last time and you see a visibly flustered hyuck shuffle in

right into the seat next to you

what you don’t know is two minutes prior to this, poor dude was in the bathroom rinsing his face and trying to do something, anytHING to get the blush off his cheeks but to no avail

so the lesson today was about families and societies and you swear the next ten minutes felt like forty

your eyelids start getting a little heavier before you hear the scratching of a pencil on paper

he’s marked the side of your notebook with a little “hello ^-^”

you try to conceal the beaming smile threatening to creep on ur face but you really can’t

you’re just a little whipped aren’t u

that entire class is then just spent doodling stupid things on each other’s notebooks and giggling and even had to have the teacher turn to you guys and give a stern look before realizing it was hyuck and just BEAMED

by the time the class ended you were packing your stuff up to leave before he gRabs your hand

“what the--?”

he takes your thumb and places it on the fingerprint scanner before fiddling with something on it

your mind immediately sprinted to the WORST IDEAS

“he’s hacking my instagram right now isn’t he he’s telling my family on facebook that i do drugs, isn’t he LEE DONGHYUCK GIVE ME MY PHONE”

so you start to fumble for it before he hands it back to you calmly,

“i’ll be expecting a text tonight”

and then he’s gone

SMOOTH ISN’T HE

and that was the start of the cutest friendship ever ????

you guys talk about anything and everything, from the colour of your room to his sister’s favourite food to the one time you fell from your treehouse and had to get stitches to the time lucas got stuck in a slide on a children’s playground when they all decided to sneak out at like 11pm at night and had to call the fire department to come get him out

and texts eventually turn into calls and calls eventually turn into being inseparable at school

the boys LOVE YOU and immediately pinned you on their side to torture hyuck together

and as time goes by, all the boys start noticing changes in hyuck and how he would never do anything with them without mentioning your name

like they’d be out having ice cream after studying at jisung’s and he’d absentmindedly mention that this lemon ice cream is the perfect colour of your room and that yellow is your favourite colour

or that the disco ball in jaemin’s basement is exactly the one you have dangling on the rearview mirror in your car

so WINK WINK NUDGE NUDGE but the boys respect you enough to not tell you yet bc you deserve to have hyuck confess on his own

you guys hang out any chance you get and it isn’t till near spring formal that he comes over with some mcdonalds that you realize you’ve gotten so comfortable so fast

so you both settle into the kitchen before he opens up the big mac, takes off one of the buns of the burger, to reveal ketchup dotted across the patty spelling “SF? :D” bc the patty was too small to spell the full words, “spring formal?” lol

and you scoff and throw a fry at him bc of course you’d go with him

and your heart’s just racing for the rest of the night

after dinner you head out to your backyard and lay a blanket on the grass to stare up at the stars

hyuck knows a lot about astrology so you love just lying there and hearing him tell you about the lyra constellation and its myths

you spend the night just giggling and laughing and shoving each other around before it starts to get really late and he knows he should be going

but he can’t seem to move

and so he asks,

“hey, are you mad at me?”

and you’re a little,,,confused before you reply, “for spilling jisung’s apple juice on my laptop the other day? just a little, but i’ll forgive you if you pay for my spring formal ticket for me hehe”

he rolls his eyes and scoffs and says, “no you idiot”

you can’t think of why you’d be upset with him, considering it was just a regular night for you two

he explains, “you know.....for not really knowing you before this year”

your heart kind of sank bc you weren’t really expecting it but you also deep deep deep down seriously wished he would never bring this up

it’s silence until you answer

“no, because i don’t blame you for it”

“what do you mean”

“well...” you know it’s a tough thing to tell him but you know he’ll listen to your words

“you’ve just always been unreachable, you know? like i remember seeing you on freshmen orientation day and just thinking, you know, this guy is just something else,,,something i’ll never be. and over the years, i made my peace with that, bc that’s just the situation you were thrust in,,, you know, football and parties and stuff”

and hyuck’s heart sinks with each word because you really mentioned everything he was afraid of,,,,that he was only ever gonna be popular because of football,,,,and that he never really had a say before he was thrust into the social status he’s in now

just as he’s about to clear his throat from emotions and get up to spout some stupid excuse on why his mom wants him home now even though she was probably already in bed, you continue

“but....now i know that’s not all that you are...you’re kind and smart and sweet and funny, and yeah you’re crazy good at football but you’re also crazy good at singing and science and fixing tires and vacuuming and playing with your little sister and making people laugh,,,that’s why you’re my friend now”

hyuck doesn’t realize how long he stares at you after you said that before you wave your hand in front of his face ((”uh dude.....”))

he feels tears welling up in his throat so he just lies back down and makes some nonchalant comment again, playing it all off like he usually does

“mhm okay yea enough with the sappiness i just wanted to know if the geeky band girl hates the quarterback captain like they typically do okay blah blah”

but you and him both know

you’re both concealing smiles as you lay there, staring at the stars

he’s never heard anyone talk about him like that before

and you’ve always known that he was still a little unsure of himself

and maybe this just put this all to rest

and as you both lay there with the sound of your own frantic heartbeats in your ears, you dwell on the fact that maybe it shouldn’t be beating that hard,,,,that fast,,,,

ANYWAY

senior year is going by, and before you guys know it, championships are in three days

your school wins the semi-finals in dramatic fashion, with the winning touchdown seconds before the final whistle

and you couldn’t make it to that game bc of a huge assignment due the next day but hyuck makes sure to call you as soon as he grabbed his stuff from the locker room

“hEY WHERE ARE YOU GOING WE’RE GOING TO MINGYU’S HOUSE FOR DRINKS TO CELEBRATE”

“SORRY DUDES SOMETHING IMPORTANT CAME UP!!! HAVE FUN WITHOUT ME!!”

it was only a beat of silence before jungwoo just scoffed and shrugged, “someone’s WHIPPPEEEDDD”

hyuck just blushes red and runs out in the midst of the entire locker room hollering and throwing sweaty towels at him

bc he knows he doesn’t really have feelings for you, does he?

these past few months have been amazing but it can’t be

all he does know is

how your hair smells like vanilla when you whip your head around to scold him for pinching your sides

how your eyes crinkle when you laugh at some pun you read on reddit

how your fingers get really bad circulation so they’re always cold and red and you have to make sure to wear sweaters during the winter to keep them warm

how you hate helping out the flutes cause they’re always screechy

how you started playing the saxophone because your grandma did when she was in college

how your eyes light up when someone mentions your favourite tv show character

how you hate carrots but he always makes you eat them cause they’re good for you and you just sit there all pouty

how much he loves loves LOVES when you come over to just do nothing like sit on his windowsill and read or go through his old childhood pictures for the millionth time and giggle at every cute smiley one for the millionth time

he’s standing there in the middle of the field with his phone in his hand, dangling by his side, with you hollering through the receiver like “,,,,hello? bitch u called ME, HELLO?!!”

and he just mumbles a “uh i gotta go sorry i’ll tell you about it tomorrow”

and hangs up

cause fuck

he’s in love isn’t he

and he’s lying in bed again that night, knowing that he wants to tell you but he’s also so afraid, cause you’re his best best best (sorry mark) friend

and he’s never gotten so close to anyone so fast

and he loves going to practice early with you so you guys can grab breakfast before

and how he always makes sure to “accidentally” miss a toss and have it land on your head while you’re running a piece

so he tosses and turns all night

before he comes to a decision

he knows the marching band always has practice on the bleachers every wednesday morning, coinciding with the team’s morning practice as well

he rips his sheets off his tired body but surges up and runs to his computer, types in a few things onto the search engine and presses “print”

it’s the next morning, and as you groggily heave yourself up from your bed, dreading having to deal with the flutes and their screeching sharps today, you also think abt hyuck and you wonder why he was acting so weird last night

but you brush it off as fatigue from a long and gruelling game

it’s a beautiful day outside already at 7:00 in the morning, with just the slightest bit of chilliness and dew on the morning grass, and hyuck thinks it’s no accident that the sun decided to come out today too

he holds the crinkly sheets of music in his hands, slightly shaking and profusely sweating, somehow nervous bc of someone he admires for the first time ??? in his life ????

he practically sprints to school, wanting to be there before you do

he spots the majority of the marching band already there and he sighs in relief when he doesn’t spot you

“hEy guys!” he runs up to the bleachers

and he stops for a second before he realizes like ..... all these people look like deers in headlights bc ,, ,,,,,, the quarterback,,,,isn’t here with you?? aren’t you guys always stuck beside each other ????

“i’m s o sorry i don’t have a lot of time to explain and i know its confusing and this is gonna be such a rush but here !!!!”

he hands out the sheet music to everyone there and makes them promise to not let you know about it

everyone exchanges confusing looks ((one dude’s just like ‘fuck man it’s too early in the morning for secrets’)) but end up agreeing anyway and haechan doesn’t even have time to celebrate before he hears his teammates starting to make their way out of the practice room

he runs over to seungkwan, your best friend in band and someone who haechan knows won’t hold his word unless a bribe is involved

“okay look i know you’re y/n’s best friend but you have to promise me you won’t let her know about this okay?”

seungkwan props his clarinet on his shoulders, almost as if he was holding a baseball bat instead and does his best to puff his shoulders like “HMPH well what do i get out of this??”

“if you can establish a secret rehearsal time for tomorrow with the rest of the band where i can come and rehearse with you, i’ll set you up with our running back” bc god fucking knows vernon and seungkwan have been crushing on each other for years but have never had the guts to go NEAR each other and haechan is just sick of vernon’s endless daydreaming in the locker room

seungkwan goes BRIGHT RED before clearing his throat and muttering “ugh fiNe” under his breath even tho he’s finally !!!!!! gonna talk to hansol !! agghhhhh!!!!

haechan practically blows him a million kisses and runs off to the locker room before seungkwan asks

“HEY ummmm but uh why are you doing this?”

haechan sighs and feels he can’t even begin to explain himself without becoming a blubbering mess

so he just reassures him with a, “you’ll see”

hyuck doesn’t come to class that day even though you swore you saw him at practice

he had cancelled breakfast w you earlier that morning and only waved to you once during practice, but again, you credit that to the finals being in 48 hours

you shoot him a “cute bum where u from” text in hopes of getting his attention

“okay but no seriously WHERE ARE U I HATE MS KWON SO MUCH”

and no answer again

you huff and give up and know he’ll message when he has to

what you don’t know is he made sure to steer clear of you from now until the championships bc 1. he’s still not sure what he can do around you anymore now that he Knows how he Feels

and 2. bc his hands are just glued to the sheet music, trying to rehearse as much as he can for this little surprise he has planned for you

so all he does is just send you back a simple “not feeling well, just gonna rest up until the game”

and your heart sinks bc you guys haven’t gone 48 hours without talking since like 8 months ago

regardless, with championships coming up and endless school assignments piling up, you’re pretty well distracted

but you do also silently curse yourself for imagining every quote in romeo and juliet to be hyuck and you

and how every hour of those 48 hours seemed so excruciating and long and empty bc both of you were so busy

so by the time it’s game day, you are restless and in so much yearning for a presence you never knew you needed this bad

but you know, as soon as the game’s over, you can hopefully run into his arms and congratulate him

ahem platonically ofc ahem, you try to convince yourself

you get to the field and it’s already bustling with mascots and spectators and streamers and you can barely hear the sound of the band warming up above all the noise

intros begin and you guys start playing the opening pieces as the banner rips and out runs

hyuck

and it’s like suddenly the earth just . stops

looking at him running out, eyes blazed and all determined and strong made you feel so much all at once, you could feel your knees starting to buckle

and it didn’t really help when, mid run, he turns his head to you and gives a subtle smile and wink before heading to the center of the field

you bite back a beaming smile of your own

for the next two hours, that’ll have to be enough

and there wasn’t a single doubt in your body that they were gonna lose

the game starts and the volume doesn’t dim for even a second

you feel yourself sweating profusely through your blue and white uniform with each toss and whistle and tackle and you swear you’ve never been so nervous in your life

it’s the final quarter and your school is down by just a touchdown and you swear you won’t be able to handle this anymore it’s toO MUCH

you glance up at the stands to see yukhei holding chenle’s head and screaming and jaemin with his head in his hands and jeno just closing his eyes ((”i can’t watch i can’t watch i can’t watch”)) and mark and jisung grabbing onto each other muttering things that look like praying ???

you even spot former alumni, youngho, taeyong and jaehyun, biting their nails and clasping their hands

there’s barely a minute left and the ball is in our possession

you hear hyuck echo a “HUT!! HUT HUT” before he tosses the ball in the air

it’s like time slows down as you see the running back catch it and dash for the end

THE ENTIRE FIELD IS ON THEIR TOES as you watch your team’s defence tackle and hammer people out of vernon’s way

he’s going and going and just before the horn blows for the end of the game, he crosses the line and

EVERYONE GOES INSANE

the horn blows for the final second and once again, you guys have done it

everyone from the stands pours down onto the field and before you can process it, mark and the boys are running up to you and dog-piling you, dragging you into the crowd with them

they did it!!! hyuck did it!!!!

there are streamers and confetti everywhere but your eyes are just straining and stretching, looking for him

it’s just loud, white noise for a second before you hear something behind you

your band is in position and you see seungkwan counting them in for the opening beats

your heart starts to panic to remember if you forgot you had another piece to perform?????

the opening chords to a familiar classic starts playing and before you can even react

there’s a voice in a mic

and the sound of someone singing

and it’s hyuck

the band plays along with him and you’re just,,,,,perplexed and confused as to what he’s doing

until you realize he’s looking straight at you

the swing beat starts to get everyone in the crowd singing and dancing

but you’re frozen in your spot

did he plan this?? what is he doing and how did you not know about it???? you feel hands behind you and eyes start to land on you as the boys push you forward and hyuck starts making his way onto the field to where you’re standing

the crowd gets even louder and the music gets even happier as he’s dancing and grooving his way to you

and then there he is, right in front of you

his voice has you hypnotized and you’re absolutely sure this is a dream

you guys move together to the beat, never taking eyes off one another and you just have an amazed expression on your face the entire time

the songs comes to a beautiful climactic end and you still have no idea what’s going on

the lyrics still echo in your head

“hey, hey, baby....i want to know if you'll be mine...when i saw you walking down the street, i said that’s someone i’d like to meet,,,”

and the entire school is watching ((INCLUDING HYUCK’S PARENTS AND YOUR TEACHERS))) and your head is just spinning, spinning, spinning

he lowers the mic and just leans close and rests his forehead on yours and whispers his words to you

“i love you, and i’m so sorry it took so long but i really really do, i just hope i can make up for all the time lost,”

his eyes are pouring emotions into yours and for some reason you want to cry

his team just won a championship!!!! scouts are probably here, scribbling his name down for a scholarship right now!! and everyone on this field was just yelling and whooping his name a second ago!!!

yet he’s standing here, so vulnerable and nervous in front of you

so you grab his face and swallow your nerves

and tell him you love him, you’ve loved him for so long

all you hear is just muted yelling and cheering and whooping around you before you swear you see a glisten in his eyes as he leans and swoops you in for a kiss

the band is going off and playing some other 80s love tune and there is still confetti just flying all over the place and people running up to you and hugging you guys

but his hand is still entangled in yours and he just winks

bc in the midst of all the chaos and all the noise of being such a superstar, there you are

and he’s sure that’s all he’ll need

391 notes · View notes

candi-girl · 5 years

Text

KH3: Hollower Than Any Toy Review **Minor Spoilers**

I just beat KH3 yesterday. I came out of it feeling a bit disappointed. The game is beautiful and the mechanics are still fun but everything from the story to the boss fights felt a bit lackluster. The last boss fights were extremely easy and did not feel as epic to me as KH2's last boss fights. In fact, I liked KH2's ending way more. I haven't played KH2 in years and I still remember exactly how it goes and how I felt after beating it. After what felt like an eternity of reflecting and deflecting light beams back at Xemnas, Sora and a badly wounded Riku sit hopelessly on the shores of the Realm of Darkness. Suddenly a letter in a bottle with a familiar seal emerges from the dark sea. A light shines, a slowed down piano version of "Sanctuary" plays and we are back in the welcoming and colorful world of Destiny Islands. Donald and Goofy lovingly embrace Sora. His eyes then lock-on to Kairi's, Roxas and Namine's eyes follow suit. This felt wayyyy more emotional than KH3's ending which I struggle to remember even though I beat it today.

Before I go any further, I feel I must preface this especially for a post about KH. No, I haven’t played all the spin-off games but I AM A PASSIONATE FAN of the main games in the series. I played the first one for PS2 at 11 when it came out and I was absolutely blown away and in love. I played KH2 at about 14 and got sucked in all over again. In college, I would play Birth By Sleep in between classes. I played 1.5 for PS3 sometime in college as well. Most recently at 27, I played 0.2 from the "The Story So Far" bundle for PS4. I have tried playing Chain of Memories numerous times on an emulator but couldn't stand the Card System and never got very far or finished it. I've also tried 358/2 on an emulator and I've even tried watching it but never got far with it either. I have skipped Re-coded altogether and as soon as I saw the Dream Eaters Link mechanic in DDD I stopped playing that too. I have played a little bit of the mobile KH game but not for long. Suffice it to say, I'm not into mobile games or games for portable devices. The only 2 games I can recall that I have beaten on a portable device (besides Pokemon games on Gameboy) are Birth By Sleep and FFVII: Crisis Core (both PSP). Generally, I get more immersed in games on a TV screen.

Okay so background out of the way, here is what bothers me about KH3 and probably why KH3's ending didn't make me feel as much as KH2's ending. And let me just say, I know this might not be a problem for others who have played all the games, read all the news and external books, probably follow Nomura on Twitter but I don't do that. When it comes to gaming, here is my process: I see a cool game, I want it, I buy it, I play it, I judge whether I like it based on the content in the game, nothing external. I don't follow any gaming news or actively pursue it. If I happen to have the time I’ll watch E3 and hear about things here and there but mostly, when I pick-up a game, I'm hoping it can be self-contained. So, knowing that about me, you can see why I absolutely loathe that if you haven't played KH DDD, KH Recoded, KH 358/2 Days, KH X (the Foretellers lore stuff) you're missing out on like 3/4 of the story.

Chain of Memories being between KH1 and KH2 irked me but I forgave it because the characters and story were still basically the same. Lock keyholes to protect various worlds from being consumed by darkness, help characters in those various worlds with their problem, stop main baddy from opening up Kingdom Hearts, and don't forget that friends are your strength and light. Nothing is wrong with keeping a story “Simple and Clean” and in fact, I think if a story is simple you can focus on making stronger character arcs and make the game super character driven so that the dangerous stuff that happens to characters IS actually scary and emotional! (Side Note: I also believe that because of the association with Disney, the KH franchise feels like it cannot tackle more mature themes like actual death of loved ones, failure, betrayal, etc. which really holds back what a game about the Heart could explore in a more serious, sophisticated manner. However, games like “Ni No Kuni” still find ways to talk about death, depression and grief in ways that are appropriate for younger audiences so it’s possible to do it, KH!)

And I know that KH3 pokes fun at itself for having so many different titles in the franchise and I know it tries to get you up to speed but it cheapens the experience when SO MUCH of the story-telling and lore heavily relies on externalities and not the self-contained game. It seriously becomes a hindrance and emotional barrier when #1 I don't know know what's going on (or don’t understand/feel the extent and impact of something that's supposed to be dangerous), #2 don't know characters well enough to care about them and #3 there are no real stakes in the KH world because every game you fight the same goddamn enemies. I don't know all the Organization members like the back of my hand so their deaths don't do anything for me plus you fight them at least twice throughout the series (maybe even more) so that shows that they can always come back. The rules and logic in KH are very fast and loose. It's like playing a game with a child and when they are losing they make something up. And all this "I think I should know this character but I don't remember" dialogue is so cheap. Stop with the amnesia story-lines! Games like Chain of Memories and Re-Coded, that are made for portable devices are made to hold fans over until the big main game comes out. Let’s be real, KH: Re-Coded might as well be called “KH: Re-Sell” because it’s KH one all over again but on the DS. Now there’s nothing wrong with a company re-branding and re-selling a product if they know fully-well that there is a market for it (in the words of Cutler Beckett, “it’s just good business”) but for the love of all things good, DO NOT PLACE INTEGRAL plot points in them that the main games will gloss over. And don't expect me to read Jiminy’s Journal!

Who is this game for? It plays like a casual game but feels like beginning a story at it’s falling action point. I can’t imagine being a newcomer to this series and playing this game and understanding it. I played the game super slowly, exploring each Disney world thoroughly, trying to take it all in but there is so little KH story given throughout the game. Once I moved on to the Badlands, the actual main KH plot began to unfold. When I first started playing KH3, my gf (who has only played a few hours of the first KH) asked me "so why are you going to other worlds if you're not locking keyholes?" I stumbled on my words to give her an answer. I replied "Sora needs to regain his strength and get the power of waking." She nodded but I knew it sounded kind of stupid. "He looks pretty powerful already!" She said as she watched me defeat hordes of enemies in the first world, Olympus. And that was another thing. I felt super overpowered from the beginning all the way up until the end. When fighting Xehanort all I could think was "that's it?" The game is all about Sora regaining his lost powers and learning the power of waking but you start off super powerful anyway.

This may be a bit of a tangent but in Final Fantasy X, Yuna started off as the weakest, most feeble, docile character in personality and combat as she is just a white mage. I avoided using her at all costs. I had Lulu for black magic and switched Yuna in only when I really needed Protective magic or healing. However, by the end of the game, Yuna with her fully decked out Nirvana staff, third tier white and black magic, double-cast, and ultima became my most valuable and dangerous character. Not only does she literally become stronger in combat, but her (dare I say it) heart becomes stronger too. She becomes bolder and braver. She starts questioning her religion and the society and world she grew up in. She grows in every sense of the word. Yuna’s character trajectory is one of the most poetic I’ve ever seen and experienced in a game and I absolutely love that it’s FELT both in the combat of the game AND the story. I guess the point I’m trying to make is there should be growth in the character’s development but also growth in the game mechanics and combat. FFX is a game that intertwined both forms of growth organically and I think KH3 really should’ve done that as well. Starting off weak and THEN becoming powerful enough to take on the big baddy in the ending rewards the players for their efforts and also feels way more satisfying. Also, a certain character that begins with “K” and ends with “airi” could’ve EASILY been the Yuna of this game. But once again KH3 repeats the same old ideas over and over again. Also, speaking of Final Fantasy, where are my Final Fantasy characters in KH3??

I know this sounds like a negative review but overall, I actually did enjoy playing KH3 and it was great to see all my favs and like I always say, it always feels like home. I'm definitely not done yet (gotta synthesize ultima, collect all treasures and lucky emblems, reach level 99, and maybe play some mini-games). But ultimately it did not have that emotional impact on me like the first 2 KH's. Maybe I AM too old and broken. Maybe when I replay it one day I'll feel differently. Anyway, see you in 2040 when KH4 comes out!

#kh spoilers #kh3 spoilers #kingdom hearts #kingdom hearts 3 #kh3 #kh3 review #personal

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whaleyoufeedmenuggets · 5 years

Note

Im too lazy to look at the questions so DO ALL OF THEM. (if you dont wanna then go on a random number generator and get 5 random numbers)

ITS REALLY LONG BUT I DID IT KJSHADJS HERE GOES i love oversharing my lifealso im putting a read more line bc its hella long

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

water bottles

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

ehhh depends on my mood. i’d say it’s (dark) chocolate most of the time (love that 70% dark chocolate mmMmMm)

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

cotton candy!! except when it gets all over my face and hair o no

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

common report book comments included

- very active

- bright

- “the live wire of the class”

- usually distracted but still does well

- mischievous

- playful

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

bottles so that i can close it and save the rest for later and not have to chug it yeet

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

sportswear #sweatpantsalldayeveryday

7. earbuds or headphones?

def headphones but they’re inconvenient sometimes :/

8. movies or tv shows?

tv shows!! (also, my adhd ass can’t get through a movie without zoning out oops)

9. favorite smell in the summer?

i haven’t experienced /real/ summer (thank u singapore’s tropical climate) but i rly like the smell of rain :”)

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

making up excuses to skip pe

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

belvitas before morning practice

croissant sandwich and chocolate milk after practice

if there’s no practice, then scrambled eggs from the dining hall lolol

if i’m too lazy to go to the dining hall, then cereal

12. name of your favorite playlist?

it’s literally called jams and the description is “a clusterfuck of stuff i’ve jammed to at some point”

13. lanyard or key ring?

key ring

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

gummy bears/sour patch kids

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

death of a salesman - arthur miller

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

with one foot up on the chair and the other leg sitting normally

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

a pair of asics sneakers

18. ideal weather?

15ºc/60ºf when its like cool but not too cold but also not ridiculously hot and also when theres no insane wind (a light breeze is fine)

19. sleeping position?

on my left side and hugging a pillow/bolster/soft toy

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

i like the feeling of pen and paper but im disorganized as hell so an apple pencil + ipad makes a good enough substitute

21. obsession from childhood?

frogs (i’ve loved them since i was 3 hehe)

22. role model?

a dude i used to train with for a while in 2014. he retired last year but he’s always looked out for me like an older brother since we trained together (he’s 8 years older than me lmao) and even thought i’m so far away rn he still checks in on me and stuff and idk he’s probably one of the swimmers i respect the most.

23. strange habits?

i cant fall asleep at night if im not hugging something. like. it could be a pillow. or a soft toy. literally anything. once on a school trip i hugged a pair of sweatpants to sleep bc i legit cant fall asleep if im not hugging something.i have no problem falling asleep in class/on buses/cars/planes though.

24. favorite crystal?

idk i never really paid enough attention to crystals to actually have a favorite and know their names. they’re all rly pretty tho.

25. first song you remember hearing?

uhh h h i honestly can’t remember. probably some classical music bc i played the violin and that was my first experience of music that i was actually aware of????

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

switch on the aircon and take a nap / sit in bed on netflix/playing on my nintendo switch. and swimming outdoors i guess.

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

switch on the heater and take a nap / sit in bed on netflix/playing on my nintendo switch.

do u see a pattern here

28. five songs to describe you?

jet lag - simple plan (bc time zones suck and i miss my fam & friends)

avalanche - bring me the horizon (pretty much sums up how tf my brain feels)

high hopes - p!atd

astronaut - simple plan

the reckless and the brave - all time low

29. best way to bond with you?

doing dumb shit with me

also Quality Time™️ like idk even if we’re chilling and doing our own shit i like just spending time with people im comfortable enough with

30. places that you find sacred?

idk

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

a hoodie and sweatpants

for no reason other than that’s what i wear 90% of the time

32. top five favorite vines?

I AM CONFUSION!!! AMERICA EXPLAIN

this bitch empty. yeet.

im in my mom’s car VROOM VROOM

the one of that dad playing the saxophone (???) and the kid slamming the oven door open and shut

road works ahead “haha yea sure hope it does!”

33. most used phrase in your phone?

either lmao or lolol or LMFAO or yeet

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

gOD i had spotify ads stuck in my head all the time before i switched to premium and now i cant remember any of them (thank god)

35. average time you fall asleep?

i’d say 12:30-1ish

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

the tROLL FACE MEME LIKE those rage faces idk what they’re called but BASICALLY THOSE 2010-2012 era memes

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

suitcase!!! i like sitting on them and yeeting myself around on them or getting people to push me around and then falling off

38. lemonade or tea?

lemonade

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

ngl i havent had either of them before

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

so in jc2 (aka 12th grade), for some reason PEOPLE WERE PUTTING PRE-PACKAGED HARD BOILED EGGS ALL OVER THE SCHOOL. like they were still in their wrappers and all but u could open ur schoolbag and find like 5 eggs in there. and no one knew where they came from. i think at one point there were even eggs hanging from the pull-up bars. all i know is that they were everywhere and people in my batch still remember it as the egg invasion of acjc.

41. last person you texted?

my mom

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

def jacket!!! especially when they have zips hehe

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

hoodie

44. favorite scent for soap?

idk man depends on my mood

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

sci-fi bc im a fricken nerd

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

shirt and sweats

47. favorite type of cheese?

cheddarrr also i like mozzerrella sticks

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

a fineapple B)

lmao jk ummmm maybe a watermelon bc when u hit it it sounds hollow, just like how my skull would sound if someone hit it (h a)

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

here for a good time not for a long time

never give up without a fight

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

idk probably some dumb meme. i laugh at a lot of stuff like i laugh anything even mildly funny. some that i can think of off the top of my head are:

- i was tryna type ducky but typed fucky instead and sOmEOnE (could be the person who submitted this ask, idk tho) changed my facebook messenger nickname to fucky and the notification was like ”poopy butthole changed your nickname to fucky” and i think that’s still the funniest sentence i’ve read in my whole life

- one time we went to mcdonalds and a friend said mcfluffy instead of mcflurry and idk why but i laughed so hard at that

- once @doduo and i spent half a chinese lesson cutting out random faces from the chinese newspaper and sticking them randomly all over the classroom and idk. it was the funniest thing ever. until the teacher came over and confiscated my scissors rip.

51. current stresses?

- an essay draft (that i am procrastinating rn by doing this, oops)

- CANADIAN TRIALS (but thats a good kind of stress)

- submitting a proposal for a group project but none of my groupmates are freaking replying my texts ugh

52. favorite font?

avenir next!! i find san serif fonts way easier to read than serif lolol.i like helvetica neue too.

53. what is the current state of your hands?

dry af but also i just got my nails done so they pretty rn hehe

54. what did you learn from your first job?

i…havent had a real job yet

55. favorite fairy tale?

idk i was never rly one for fairy tales even as a kid.

56. favorite tradition?

chinese new year when we get CASH and we spend 3 days just eating junk yEET im rly sad im gonna be missing it the next few years tho

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

hh h h hh hhh hh hh they’re pretty personal i don’t /really/ wanna put it out here but i can text you the answer to this if you want (i’m perfectly fine with that!!)

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

- i think i’m pretty intuitive!!! i can guess anyone’s mbti if i’ve spent enough time with them/gotten a detailed enough description of them /winks/ and i can read people pretty well in general and i can draw links to themes/symbols in lit pretty well….???

- i’m somewhat decent at lettering…i think

- i’m good at pull-ups and also vertical jumps i’m secretly a froge

- i’m decent at photography…i guess….

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

yeet

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

pokemon !!

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

/sweats/ i’m not very good at remembering lines from books/movies/shows WELP

62. seven characters you relate to?

JAKE PERALTA - b99

rosa diaz - b99

linguine - ratatouille (he’s permanently confused and he let a ratto take over his job bc he had no idea what he was doing like damn what a big mood)

dory - finding nemo/finding dory (i relate to the forgetfulness)

percy jackson

kale bae /winks/

mitt (during bad phases) /winks again, but sadly/

63. five songs that would play in your club?

idek man i wouldnt even be at my own club i’d be at home taking a nap i’ll just ask someone else to handle my playlist

64. favorite website from your childhood?

club penguin !!!

65. any permanent scars?

yE one of them was from jumping onto a treadmill going at 13km/h 2 years ago bc i thought i was a good idea

66. favorite flower(s)?

i dont have any

67. good luck charms?

i eat pancakes for breakfast on meet days!!!! altho i think this is more of a habit than a good luck charm tbh lmao.

also i guess pip???? he’s my emotional support narwhal :’)

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

durian. i cant stand the stuff or anything flavored like it ugh.

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

red food coloring is derived from beetles

70. left or right handed?

right

71. least favorite pattern?

overly-floral patterns i guessssss. also i hate wearing stripes.

72. worst subject?

chinese

besides that, math and physics

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

i rly like vanilla ice cream and fries

also i would eat ketchup with nearly anything

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

i usually just suck it up and go to sleep when it comes to pain but i guess an 8??? idk. i usually take advil/ibuprofen only for fevers

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

i got my first loose tooth on january 11 2005 and it fell out on january 18 2005 & it was a tuesday (pls don’t ask me how i remember this bc i dont know)

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

tater tots

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

cactus i guess. idk im not good at plants.

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

grocery store sushi (it was pretty decent in singapore so yeeeee lmao also i ate a lot of that as a kid)

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

its the same photo for both so yeAh

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

earth

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

idk i always called them fireflies

82. pc or console?

console I LOVE THE FEEL OF BUTTONS

83. writing or drawing?

drawing (more like doodlign for me bc i cant draw for shit)

84. podcasts or talk radio?

neither but if i rlllllly had to choose then podcasts i guessss s sss

84. barbie or polly pocket?

neither LMAO i gave all my barbies haircuts when i was a kid bc i didnt know what to do with them

85. fairy tales or mythology?

mythology for sure!! i love greek mythology (may or may not be bc of percy jackson lolol)

86. cookies or cupcakes?

87. your greatest fear?

losing those i love and care about (could be drifting or actual death it goes both ways)

88. your greatest wish?

rn, for my essay to write itself

for the short-term, to make the olympics (and WUGs…and worlds…and sea games…and asian games…and commonwealth games lmao)

for the long-term, uhhh idk. i just wanna live a life i’m satisfied with and to have a job i actually like and to be able to support my parents

89. who would you put before everyone else?

my mom

90. luckiest mistake?

i always say that i regret doing a year of college in singapore instead of coming here for freshman year but if i’d come in a year earlier like i was supposed to, i proba wouldn’t have made it past swim team tryouts and i made some pretty great friends in my first year of college soooo it all worked out i guessi cant think of any others rn

91. boxes or bags?

bags

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

fairy lights are rly pretty!!but i like natural light :”)

93. nicknames?

deb

debs

debo

debbo

alpha childuhh h h i think thats about it??? i cant remember any others

94. favorite season?

spring’s pretty great rni like fall too (before it gets cOLd)

95. favorite app on your phone?

insta/tumblr/telegram

96. desktop background?

a photo of me looking rly cool at the starting blocks before a race B)

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

4 - mine (singapore & US), my mom’s and my dad’s

98. favorite historical era?

uhh h h idk the ice age seemed pretty cool haha sike it was actually coldmedieval times seemed pretty cool too like damn i want a suit of armorWHEW I SPENT WAY TOO MUCH TIME ON THIS but i had fun so yeet

also if you read all the way down here ily and you’re cool

#ask #this was hella long #but also hella fun

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peteargriffin69420 · 6 years

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Mental Health: Quitting SSRI (week one)

Tumblr is a blogging site so how about I blog about something serious. I’ve been on 40mg Prozac for roughly 11 years, I started it in 2007 and am now quitting it. For anyone who has been on SSRI anti-depressants, we will all have different stories however I want to *sorta* explain my “Discontinuation Syndrome” (aka: Withdrawal). I am not saying that you shouldn’t go on SSRI sometimes it is something much needed but also I think at least in United States, it is over prescribed. If I knew what I would be in for 11 years ago I would totally *NOT* have opted in for it. I will say they changed my life but there has had to be other ways to help me out. So for the past few weeks I was researching as I was running out of my medication. I considered breaking my capsules into smaller ones and ‘weening’ off of it and then I considered stopping cold-turkey. I stopped cold-turkey as research I had done showed that even slowly dropping it doesn’t matter. With the aide of a doctor who agreed to help me manage only these symptoms from quitting the best we can and my own research I am working on figuring out how to get to normalcy and correct the damage that this has done. (Damage that I’m not exactly sure yet but I was reading about frontal lobe blunting and basically it makes you dumber in the frontal cortex region of the brain - I’m not an expert but this is just what I am understanding.) I had an anxiety disorder when I was younger and I think it’s mostly cleared up besides random episodes which are safer to take an ‘as needed’ medication when I start to feel the issues come on. More under the cut because it got long;;

For one; Do not quit or stop taking an SSRI or any other medication without the help of a doctor to some degree. I am only mentioning what is so far easing my symptoms and what the symptoms are as they come. It has been roughly a week since I took anything. Please note too, most SSRI take at least a month to get out of your body however some people are sites/youtube have expressed that they have had discontinuation issues for up to a year. Again: These are what I am having as issues so far. Point One: Physical Side Effects - Headaches, dull heavy ones that don’t specifically hurt buy your head feels like a bowling ball. - Tremors/Shaking uncontrollably. - Anxiety/Panic Attacks brought on with absolutely no cause whatsoever. - Flu-like symptoms like sweating and chills however there is no evidence you are actually sick (ie Fever) - I have had only a very small amount so far, Tinnitus (ringing in the ears). - Tension, especially in the neck and shoulders that I don’t really know if this is correlated or because of-- - Extreme restlessness. I am basically needing to be doing something all day physically. I have been walking at least 10km a day lately and have been starting to play rhythm games to offset some of this. I think this is because physical movement creates serotonin, something your body is now having a depletion and lack of while it was once used for it. - Insomnia - Which again I think goes with the restlessness and possibly the trembling/shaking/whatever you want to call it. - If you’re not shaking there is times you feel like your body is vibrating. - I kinda have some vision issues that have begun to occur since I started this procedure but I am not giving it too much thought YET. Point Two: Mental Side Effects (these are for me, not for others, your experience may vary, much like the physical ones) - Mood swings. - Loss of thought/train of thought. Moments where your mind literally goes blank to a degree you cannot actually (it just happened here as I was typing but it comes back more or less). You cannot actually explain things or even express an emotion both physically or in words. - Inability to focus because your brain keeps coming in and out of various states of alertness - Dissociation to some degree in different ways. - Mild Psychotic Episodes (I had a breakdown the other night basically crying about how I’m not human like everyone else (specifically some of my classmates)) - Short term memory loss. My memory is fried. This should be temporary but I have to actually put a lot of thoughts into it. Point Three: How I Am (personally) Coping - Looking at this from a Psychiatric Angle (I am not a Psychiatrist, mind you, I’m some sorta salesman who studied only Psychology for a few semesters in college);; You have a chemical in your brain called Serotonin. This is one of the chemicals that handle mood. Normally when you are depressed or anxious there are issues with Serotonin in your brain. The medical fix is usually a type of anti depressant designed to rework your brain to either produce more Serotonin or to kind of keep the chemical in there longer before it’s eventually expelled and more is created. This alters your brain structure. It actually changes the wiring in your brain. Now, my brain is going, “Hey, uhm, WTF mate, why are we not holding onto any Serotonin and like what is even going on what is happening I dunno what to do are we panicking right now or are we supposed to be doing this or that?” So first things first is doing the best to handle the physical issues this causes such as the shaking, anxiety/panic attacks, and headaches. I’ve been more or less just coping with most of these in a rather normal manner since I normally suffer from chronic pain I don’t mind some of the extra tenseness or silly pointless stuff like tinnitus since it’s not so bad. I’ve been using Xanax to handle the anxiety/panic attacks and OTC pain medication to handle the headaches although when I see my doctor I might ask for something stronger as well as bring up some other issues for suggestions. Next is actually getting your body to make more Serotonin. Your body naturally creates it when you do physical activity or physically stimulate it somehow. For this, I try to be out and walking pretty much 6-8 hours a day on the weekend and in class I use my 10 minute break to run or walk around as much as I can. Insomnia and other things can be aided by taking L-Tryptophan an amino acid that humans do not normally create (it is obtained via diet). This amino acid aides in creating Serotonin and Melatonin. Melatonin is used as a sleep aide. It’s the chemical found in dark meat of turkey (as an example) that makes you sleepy. Honestly this one has helped me a lot. Stay out of fights, drama, arguments, issues, situations. Sometimes when you are sick, your body needs to rest - Let your brain rest. Try not to think so much and just let it do what you want. DO NOT DRINK ALCOHOL. Alcohol depleats your body of Amino Acids not only will it prologue your suffering (I’m assuming) but you will have a hangover you never thought even humanly possible.

Try to take a daily vitamin, one of which especially contains vitamin b6. I forget what this one does but it’s really important in anti depressant efforts. If you wake up in the middle of the night with tremors or shaking or whatever. Pretty much if you can, just flail really fast (be careful) your arms and legs if you can, until you feel your blood rushing and you will hopefully have produced a little serotonin. Find something really easy to keep your mind occupied. I’ve found Pokemon Go to be really good, not only does it encourage walking and moving around but because it’s easy to play and doesn’t require A LOT of strategy it’s good. It’s also allowed me to meet a lot of interesting people. You need support from people and friends and family. I don’t have much family and I am living in a foreign country so more or less I have to just sorta. Do my best. My classmate friends have been very supportive and a few PoGo players I have met have been super supportive too. I hope this helps, will have an update in a week or so.

#mental health #anti depressants #quitting medication #prozac #ssris

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bethesdaglitch · 5 years

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1-70 do em all! 😁💙

I’m seriously so sorry this took so long, but it was so much fun!! thank you!!! Also it’s super long so I’m gonna put it under a readmore!

1. First game you played obsessively?

Jak & Daxter! 2. A game that has influenced you creatively? Writing, drawing, etc.Lmao I’m not exactly a creative person, but when I was little I tried coming up with and drawing my own pokemon. They were… bad3. Who did you play with as a kid?My brother! At first I stole his Gameboy Color whenever he wasn’t using it, but then he saved up and bought a PS2 so we could play games together4. Who do you play with now?No one really lol. I kinda prefer to play single-player games now? But I’ll play with various friends when we hang out.5. Ever use cheat codes?When I was little, yeah! Especially in the Sly Raccoon games 6. Ever buy strategy guides?Before the age of unlimited free online strategy guides I did, now I just use said online ones7. Any games you have multiple copies of?Yep, I’ve “lost” games only to find them again after replacing them like… four times? It happened with Oblivion, Fable 3, DA: Origins, and, weirdly enough, that one obscure (but fun imo!) wii game, Fragile Dreams: Farewell Ruins of the Moon8. Rarest/Most expensive game in your collection?This one was hard! After a teeny bit of research, I narrowed it down to either Rule of Rose, LoZ Collector’s Edition on Gamecube, and pokemon red and yellow9. Most regrettable purchase?Hhhhhhhh I bought the video game for the 2006 Dreamworks movie Over the Hedge. I was only 12, but I still should’ve known better :(10. Ever go to a midnight game release or stand in line for hours?I’ve gone to a few midnight releases, but none that have lasted for hours, luckily. I only started going to them in the last few years, so the only ones I’ve been to so far are Fallout 4, DA:I and uh… ME:A (I KNOW)11. Have you ever made new friends from playing video games?Nah not really, I don’t play online games, so. I have friends who play video games, but I’ve never met someone BECAUSE of video games12. Ever get picked on for liking games?Lol no?13. A game you’ve never played that everyone else has?Overwatch14. Favorite game music?NIER, hands down. 15. If it was a requirement to get a game related tattoo, what would you pick?Probably something cute and harmless like the leaf from Animal Crossing lol16. Favorite game to play with your friends IRL?Lately we’ve been really into Towerfall: Ascension and Screencheat17. Ever lose a friend over a game?Wh—no????18. Would you date someone that hates gaming?So long as they didn’t try to “forbid” me from playing and so long as we had other interests to bond over, then sure. It’d be kind of a bummer though lol19. Favorite handheld console?Idk that I have one! Maybe the Switch, since that’s the most recent and popular?20. Game that you know like the back of your hand?Silent Hill 3 and DA:I21. Game that you didn’t like or understand as a kid but love now?The Civilization games22. Do you wear game related clothing/accessories?Sometimes, yeah. Nothing too embarrassing, though. 23. The game that you’ve logged the most hours into?What, like… ever?? Geez, I dunno… probably Oblivion?24. First Pokemon game?Yellow!25. Were you ever an arcade game player?I actually wasn’t really :/26. Ever form any gaming rivalries?Oh yeah, with my brother. He’s 6 years older than me, which pretty much guaranteed I got my ass kicked in every game we played when I was younger27. Game that makes you rage?Bloodborne and Dark Souls!!!!!! I swear I try to go back and play them at least once a year, and I can never get past the first hour :(28. Ever play in a tournament?Not like an official one, but ones with friends, yep29. What is your gaming set up?Imma be real with you chief I don’t know nearly enough about computers to answer this question with anything other than “a computer”30. How many consoles do you own?Ohohoho far too many31. Does the 3DS and/or Virtual Boy hurt your eyes or give you headaches?I’ve never had the 3D slider up long enough to tell, but that probably means yes lol32. Did you ever play a game based on your favorite show/cartoon/movie/comic?BOY when I was in first grade I played Spongebob: Supersponge on Gameboy advance so much I STILL remember the password that lets you skip to the final stage (it’s WMBT) 33. Did you ever have any bootleg games or plug-n-play games?nah 34. Do either of your parents play video games?PFFF GOD NO. Although my mom does love Animal Crossing. Not playing it, but just like it’s whole deal. 35. Ever work in a game store? Or do you have a favorite game shop?No and no, tbh36. Have you ever shed actual blood, sweat or tears over a game?I… don’t think so? Maybe I’ve cried over a game, but blood?? Put the controller down, y’all37. Have you played E.T. for the Atari 2600? Do you think that’s the worst game ever, or do you have another nomination?NO NO NO OVER THE HEDGE (2006) FOR THE PS2 IS THE SINGLE WORST GAME EVER MADE FIGHT ME ON THIS38. A game you’re ashamed to admit that you like?Oh lord… idk if anyone’s ever played any of Ambition’s dating sims (Dream Girlfriend, Dream Boyfriend, Animal Boyfriend, and Moe Can Change) but I’ve literally been playing them for about… 5-ish years now? They’re seriously the worst, I fucking love them 39. A sequel that you would die for them to make?Hmm… Maybe a new Kingdoms of Amalur game would be cool? 40. What to you think of virtual reality headsets or motion controls?I love VR but the last time I tried it at a friend’s place I fucking faceplanted after leaning on a counter I forgot was also virtual and the first thing my friend asked was whether the headset was ok, so that stung. As for motion controls, they’re fun but they can be a real pain41. A genre that you just can’t get into?Sports games 42. Maybe it wasn’t your first game, but what was the game that started you on your path to nerdiness?The path to what43. Ever play games when you really should have been concentrating on something else?Oh yeah, who hasn’t?44. Arcade machine that has consumed the most of your quarters?Idk if this counts but I am a MASTER at the claw machine and that stacker game. My closet is full of useless shit I’ve won from those things45. How are you at Mario Kart?OH SO FUCKING GOOD YOU HAVE NO IDEA46. Do you like relaxing games like Animal Crossing or Harvest Moon?yesssss I love them47. Do you like competitive games?I mean like I said, I mostly prefer single-player games, but I do enjoy the occasional co-op game48. How long does it take your to customize your player character?about an hour49. In games where you can pick your class, do you always tend to go for the same type of character?I actually don’t! If it’s a game I’m not confident I’ll be good at, I pick whichever class is recommended for beginners, and that changes from game to game. Alternatively, I just go through phases where I prefer a specific class above others 50. If you were a game designer, what masterpiece would you create?Christ I have no idea. Maybe a first-person escape game? idk51. Have you ever played a game for so long that you forgot to eat or sleep?NO?? DAMN ARE Y’ALL OK????52. A game that you begged your parents for as a kid?Literally any M game; my parents were strictly “No M games until you’re old enough!” I just got my brother to buy them most of the time though lol53. What’s your opinion on DLC these days?Most DLC is fine, it’s microtransactions in “pay-to-win” games that I fucking hate. 54. Do you give in to Steam sales?HAHAHAHAHA yeah absolutely 55. Did you ever make someone you hated in the Sims and did mean stuff to them?N-No??? 56. Did you ever play Roller Coaster Tycoon and kill off your guests?Ok yeah I did do that 57. Did you ever play a game to 100% or get all of the achievements?Ew no58. If you can only play 3 games for the rest of your life, which ones do you pick?Ooooh… ok, Oblivion, My Time in Portia, and Divinity 259. Do you play any cell phone games?I do! I play a lot of escape games, and uh… the Ambition games mentioned previously60. Do you know the Konami Code?Is that the up-up-down-down-left-right-left-right-B-A? Huh, I never knew it had a name!61. Do you trade in your games or keep them forever?I used to trade them in occasionally, but mostly I keep them 62. Ever buy a console specifically to play one game?Yeah the Switch for BotW. Not proud of it, but it was worth it63. Ever go to a gaming convention or tournament? nah64. Ever make a TV or monitor purchase based on what would be best for gaming?Yep! 65. Ever have a Game Genie, Game Shark or Action Replay? Did it ever mess up your game’s save file?OHHHH MY GOD YEAH, I’M STILL FUCKING PISSED ABOUT IT. I had GameShark for Gameboy and PS2, but that one was fine, it didn’t cause any problems. It was ACTION FUCKING REPLAY that fucked me over. I used it for KH2 and it worked the whole time until literally THE VERY LAST XEMNAS FIGHT, when my HP bar suddenly dropped to 1??? Not my HP, mind you, the HP BAR. Meaning 1 HP was the most I could have. Literally fuck action replay >:( 66. Did you ever have have an old Nokia with Snake on it?nope67. Do you have a happy gaming-related childhood memory you want to share?I do! The very first thing I ever saved up money for to buy myself was Pokemon Crystal version. Until then I’d just been borrowing (re:stealing) my brother’s, but when I was 5 and Crystal was about to come out, my parents made me a deal that if I saved up $15, they’d pay the other $15 and I could get it! It was the first time I was working towards a fun goal, so it was all pretty exciting for 5-year-old me lol. It’s dumb, I know, but it’s something I look back on fondly68. Ever save up a ton of tickets in an arcade to get something cool?Lol nah, I think the best thing I ever got with tickets was a cheap snowglobe 69. In your opinion, best game ever made? UHHHH GOD. That’s… super tough. I’m genuinely not sure I have an answer tbh. I’m really into Divinity 2 right now but best game ever made?? Idk! that’s a hard one!!!! 70. Very first game you ever beat? I won’t lie, it was Spongebob: Supersponge on GBA

#ask meme #sorthyboy

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tumblunni · 6 years

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Okay the BIG TODAY THING

It seems i might possibly be gone for six months

I've been talking with my support worker about taking a course at this place thats uhh apparantly gonna help me get better with the depressions and stuff. And we had a meeting to go look around the place and make introductions and stuff but i had NO IDEA it would be all such short notice! I might have to move in IN TWO DAYS FROM NOW, what the fuck!!! And like if its not that its gonna be at the end of the week or next tuesday at the latest. Im so fuckin unprepared and im really freakin out!!

..uhh...how to describe it..well i guess its literally a mental asylum? But it's absolutely NOTHING like the horror movie stereotype! Its not a hospital with cages or locked rooms, its just like a big comfy cute shared house. Like a bunch of completely normal small apartment rooms but they just happen to be all connected to a shared kitchen and stuff and have on site nurses and a big schedule of therapy sessions and group activities like pottery class or bowling. You have the freedom to come and go as you please if you're on "voluntarily admitted" status (that's me!) and even if you're on what they call "sectioned" its still not scary loss of all your freedom. The highest level of sectioning is just like "requires an escort"? You're still allowed to go outside but you have a higher level of supervision from your key worker because you could potentially be a danger to yourself. But that's very rare and most people are only on maximum sectioning for a few weeks at the start of their treatment, if they've come straight from a situation of self harm or other concern factors. Most of the "sectioned" patients just have a time limit on how long they can spend on unsupervised outside activity. It's a pretty generous 8 hours apparantly!

So yeah i was getting worried about nothing, thinking i was gonna be in big scary solitary confinement and locked inside a tiny broom closet or jabbed with brain lazers. It honestly just seems like a summer camp resort for adults! And everyone there seems very nice, and im excited for being able to learn life skills like cooking and potential steps towards getting educational qualifications someday. And to have the help of a more specialist support worker who can assist me with even the smallest little problems. Like this nice lady Tazmin (who might be the one i get?) was saying how they've had other people with social anxiety before, and how we could plan "gradual exposure" to all the things that scare me. Like she said she'd be able to come with me and we'd take the bus and them get off at the next stop. That'd honestly be really helpful to help me get over being scared of the crowded spaces on buses, but i'd never be able to do it normally cos i'd be too embarassed taking such a short bus ride. Plus well itd be a waste of money,but if i'm a patient here i would get a free bus pass so it wouldnt be a problem.

Oh and the area seems really nice! Its so different from my stupid house right now in a crowded neighbourhood with NOTHING but houses everywhere for a mile! Its seriously almost a mile's walk to the ONE SINGULAR SHOP IN THE AREA and they close on sundays and dont sell vegetarian food. :( This area around the shared house thingie is a really nice bustling shops place but not super shops? Like i mean its a lovely village that has all the small shops you need, not a huge skyscrapers busy tourist place. The perfect balance of conveinient and not scary! They have a library and a park so close to the place, and a bazillion charity shops holy FUCK im so excited to have charity shops again!! I think you call them thrift shops in america? But i just always really love bargain hunting and finding nice surprises in places like that! And there's places to do pottery classes and group trips sometimes to do stuff like cinema or bowling or just having your big ol scary therapy meeting at the nice coffee shop at the end ot the road.

So yeah dont worry about me guys, im not trapped in some horribke hell place! I'm sure it'll be as non threatening as an Intensive Therapy Boot Camp can possibly be, im just still nervous as hell cos well yeah I Have Social Anxiety And That Is Why I Am Here In The First Place. Im scared im not gonna be able to succeed at this. I really wanna leave at the end and be all mentally buffed up and ready to make all these nice nurses proud!

Oh and man Richard has been so nice about this?? He was super freaked out and apologetic about it being Scary Short Notice, we had a bit of a dumb misunderstanding where he clearly told me and i clearly said yes but i somehow completely misunderstood what he was saying and thought i was saying yes to something else??? So im so fuckin glad that at the very end of the appointment right when i was gonna get out the car he was like 'oh so remember your suitcase on wednesday' and i was like WHAT. Like man can you imagine how much more terrifying it would have been if i just turned up on wednesday with no supplies but the shirt off my back and was like 'wtf where is he driving me OH GOD NO'. Bunni why you so bad at the good of talking!! Seriously richard thanks so much for clearing it up but also AAAAA i accidentally agreed to the shortest of short notice and i dont know if he's gonna be able to reschedule it!!!

And man i was there crying in his car about how i dont wanna be in hospital on my birthday, and babbling all the different things i had planned fot the next few months. And GOD DAMN MY DUMB BRAIN i ended up blurting out that i had a preorder of a videogame that i was gonna miss. And i straight up started explaining pokemon to my mental health counseller who is also a dj, how damn fake does my life sound?? Anyway he said that i'll still be able to keep him as my support worker when i get back out of this, and we'll still have weekly or monthly meetings while i'm in there. And he keeps reminding me that i'm free to leave if i feel uncomfortable, but i know that i'd feel like a failure if i did! So he legit fuckin goddamn said (THIS SOUNDS SO FAKE) that i could take a day off when the dumb game comes out, and he'd play co op pokemon with me. HOLY GEEZUS RICHARD YOU'RE LIKE THAT HOLY GRAIL OF THERAPISTS! And man he even said it wasnt embarassing for me to sleep with a teddy bear and he'd help me pack it up safe and ensure nobody saw it while we move my bags into my new room. And then i was like "uhh but also the teddy bear is a giant lifesize embarassing pokemon merchandise" and he was like "okay so we need DOUBLE STEALTH". Apparantly the new sequel to Pokemon Go is Pokemon Sneak! God he helped calm me down from this freakout so much, he's always great with lil jokes and motivational sayings. And i talked about how i first started being interested in Obscure Deep Sea Slug Facts because pokemon has some characters based on weird real life animals, and like its Very Educational Honest, And Has Appeal For Both Kids And Adults. How on earth did this turn into Motovational Pokemon Blabber Time??? Anyway thats how i ended up texting a professional psychologist pictures of gastrodon at 7.30pm.

Yeah

In summary

I'm mostly just worried cos this is short notice! And cos its such a big commitment that being short notice is Super Bad. I need to friggin clean the whole house top to bottom in two days, so it doesnt get all gross and attract flies while im gone. And i need to toss out like a hundred bucks worth of frozen food that aint gonna keep for 6 months. And i need to wash all my damn clothes. And i dont even have a suitcase and this is at a terrible time where i dont get paid for a week so i cant buy a new one right now!! And damn i DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT TO TAKE AAAAAA

And the BIGGEST PROBLEM

Is that i wont be able to talk to you guys for half a year!!!

They dont have wifi and im not allowed to take my computer anyway. They only allow laptops and all i have is a desktop and AAAA its too short notice to save up enough to get a laptop mannnnn! Fuck man i didnt even think about that, i need to go pause my broadband internet for six months, do they even allow you to come back after that long?? And man part of me wants to ask to borrow money from friends to get a laptop but i know this time i cant promise to pay you back within the month cos AAAGH ALL OF THIS SHIT!! Like damn man if anyone is willing to let me pay back a hundred and fifty quid in 6 months??not bloody likely!! And man the only place to get a laptop in TWO GODDAMN DAYS is stupid fuckin Amazon :( but god im gonna go stir crazy being unable to do art or gamemaking or friggin anything to occupy myself!! I can bring my 3ds but i barely have any games for it and ive already finished all of them except harvest moon a new beginning which i quit cos it was bad. And the screen is broken anyway gahhh. SO MANY THINGS I NEED MONEY FOR IN SUCH A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME THAT IS NON CONDUCTIVE TO MONEYING

So anyway GAHH i wont have an internet connection in the house, and i'll be able to walk down the hill and use the library computers hopefully at least weekly, but they forbid all social media sites. So like can i get the emails of everyone who wants to keep in contact? Man i dont know how im gonna manage this AAAAA!!! i will send u loads of pics of scenic asylum beauty and dumb updates on my stupid life of probably very little progress.

And AGGGHHH i dont even have the time to plan a blog queue or anything fuck man geez aaaaaaaa

I NEED TO BUY A NEW PAIR OF TROUSERS WITHOUT HOLES IN THE KNEES man i cant live on singular pantage in a shared house

#bunni is gone #alas #mourn they #soon to be departed from the web

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kobenipilled · 6 years

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70 questions about video games answered, if you read even a little bit, please like the post!

1. First game you played obsessively? Probably would have to say Spiderman 2 on the original Xbox 2. A game that has influenced you creatively? Writing, drawing, etc. Final Fantasy 7 3. Who did you play with as a kid? My two year old younger brother! 4. Who do you play with now? My best friend @i-no mostly 5. Ever use cheat codes? As a kid, yeah, not so much anymore 6. Ever buy strategy guides? Hell naw 7. Any games you have multiple copies of? Final Fantasy 7, GTA V, Skyrim, Bioshock 2, Metro Redux, Phantom Pain, The Last of Us, All the Uncharted games. Just off the top of my head. 8. Rarest/Most expensive game in your collection? Probably one of my PS1 games, no clue 9. Most regrettable purchase? I didn’t buy it myself, but FFXV 10. Ever go to a midnight game release or stand in line for hours? Not anymore, no 11. Have you ever made new friends from playing video games? Hell yeah! 12. Ever get picked on for liking games? Sadly, yeah 13. A game you’ve never played that everyone else has? Most of the zelda games? Maybe? 14. Favorite game music? Bitch I can’t pick, but I’ll link 5 of my favs in no particular order Final Fantasy 7 DOOM (2016) Chrono Trigger Silent Hill 2 Gunpoint 15. If it was a requirement to get a game related tattoo, what would you pick? I’m already getting a bunch of game tattoo’s, outsiders mark is the first one I’m getting! 16. Favorite game to play with your friends IRL? Any split screen fps, they’re fucking amazing to play with frens! 17. Ever lose a friend over a game? Nah 18. Would you date someone that hates gaming? Hates? They wouldn’t date me. If they just don’t play, yeah. 19. Favorite handheld console? I don’t own one really, but it would be the switch for sure 20. Game that you know like the back of your hand? The Last of Us maybe? GTAV? Uncharted 4? No clue. 21. Game that you didn’t like or understand as a kid but love now? Dark Souls, maybe. Or Persona. 22. Do you wear game related clothing/accessories? Yeah, kinda. Got a GTA shirt, Game Grumps shirt too 23. The game that you’ve logged the most hours into? Skyrim? Fallout 4? Minecraft? Who tf knows 24. First Pokemon game? Pokemon Red? I think. 25. Were you ever an arcade game player? Hell yea! Used to play Metal Slug in a cafe! 26. Ever form any gaming rivalries? Depends on what you mean 27. Game that makes you rage? Any platformer tbh 28. Ever play in a tournament? Yeah, played in a Digimon Rumble Arena 2 tournament as a kid 29. What is your gaming set up? TRASH (specs on my twitch) 30. How many consoles do you own? Uhh, 3? Yea 31. Does the 3DS and/or Virtual Boy hurt your eyes or give you headaches? Nope 32. Did you ever play a game based on your favorite show/cartoon/movie/comic? Yea boi, spiderman ! 33. Did you ever have any bootleg games or plug-n-play games? I owned a bunch on my PS1 34. Do either of your parents play video games? My dad does! My mom likes nintendo 35. Ever work in a game store? Or do you have a favorite game shop? I don’t really like game stores 36. Have you ever shed actual blood, sweat or tears over a game? All three 37. Have you played E.T. for the Atari 2600? Do you think that’s the worst game ever, or do you have another nomination? Fucking FFXV bitch 38. A game you’re ashamed to admit that you like? Phantom Pain... 39. A sequel that you would die for them to make? Eh all the sequals I want is being made, maybe Silent Hill 40. What to you think of virtual reality headsets or motion controls? VR rocks, Wii motion controls suck my ass 41. A genre that you just can’t get into? Fighting Games 42. Maybe it wasn’t your first game, but what was the game that started you on your path to nerdiness? Most absolutely some star wars game 43. Ever play games when you really should have been concentrating on something else? Literally every day 44. Arcade machine that has consumed the most of your quarters? Metal Slug was free baby 45. How are you at Mario Kart? SHIT like omg 46. Do you like relaxing games like Animal Crossing or Harvest Moon? LOVE Animal Crossing 47. Do you like competitive games? Yeah! 48. How long does it take your to customize your player character? First time, 1+ hours 49. In games where you can pick your class, do you always tend to go for the same type of character? Yeah, rouge/ranger type 50. If you were a game designer, what masterpiece would you create? I am a game designer! Currently working on a 1888 detective game! 51. Have you ever played a game for so long that you forgot to eat or sleep? LOL yeah 52. A game that you begged your parents for as a kid? GTA, my mom wouldn’t let me have it 53. What’s your opinion on DLC these days? Depends, some DLC’s are fucking awesome, like Ubisoft is pretty good at them. Prefer expansions though 54. Do you give in to Steam sales? Fuck yeah I do 55. Did you ever make someone you hated in the Sims and did mean stuff to them? Yeah lmao 56. Did you ever play Roller Coaster Tycoon and kill off your guests? Does Planet Coaster count? 57. Did you ever play a game to 100% or get all of the achievements? Yeah! Uncharted series and The Last of Us, DOOM 2016, Black Flag 58. If you can only play 3 games for the rest of your life, which ones do you pick? DOOM 2016, Fallout 4, PUBG 59. Do you play any cell phone games? Hearthstone ig 60. Do you know the Konami Code? Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A 61. Do you trade in your games or keep them forever? If I don’t like them, trade in 62. Ever buy a console specifically to play one game? Yeah, got PS4 for bloodborne 63. Ever go to a gaming convention or tournament? Ye! 64. Ever make a TV or monitor purchase based on what would be best for gaming? Yep 65. Ever have a Game Genie, Game Shark or Action Replay? Did it ever mess up your game’s save file? Nope 66. Did you ever have have an old Nokia with Snake on it? FUCK YEAH 67. Do you have a happy gaming-related childhood memory you want to share? I got so many, most with my brother playing XIII or Nightfire 68. Ever save up a ton of tickets in an arcade to get something cool? Not really 69. In your opinion, best game ever made? Honestly a hard pick, DOOM maybe? FF7? Uncharted? TLOU? Dark Souls? No idea. 70. Very first game you ever beat? Hmmm, James Bond Nightfire probably

#long post #ask game #about me

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