#so heartbroken and frustrated because it’s not fair the child in me just wants to have a dad that cares and sees her as a human | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

reallyromealone · 6 months

Text

Azul x Malleus brother male reader

Fae courting

A broach

A coin

And a paperclip.

These are the things that Azul had received from (name) Draconia within the past few days, the fae wandering to him at random points and placing them in his hand wandering off, leaving the octopus merman VERY confused as he held the shiny trinket.

what was this??? What's he trying to tell him?!

"Well I don't understand the political spectrum of box beetles but I'm sure we could work out something" (name) said softly, voice joyful and absent-minded. "Perhaps we could ask my brother to assist on this" (name) offered unaware of eyes on him.

Jade and Floyd watched in the distance, following their bosses order on figuring out (name)s motives but so far they saw him tend to mushrooms and talk to insects along with chatting with his brother about fae nonsense, nothing to raise suspicion.

"A... Iron frog?"

"Silver, iron doesn't like fae" (name) said airily as he played with Azuls hand "I was informed by the trees that a confectionery has bloomed in the east..." He said to the other who raised an eyebrow "ok?"

"I wish to be invited" (name) said looking at him with a smile and Azul just stared "so?"

"Perhaps someone could invite me and tell me tales of their whimsies" (name) looked hopeful but Azul wasn't getting it "I hope you find someone to do that with" and with that (name) was alone.

"He's my paramour yet he rejected my advances for an outing" (name) said to Lilia who smiled at his nephew figure who looked confused, not understanding why his beloved would not go to a cafe with him despite not asking but instead implying that he wanted to go there with him.

And now Lilia was dealing with a pouty prince "perhaps I should ask my beloved child of the sea to play his table games... Oh I should have considered his feelings on the subjects of our engagements" (name) looked upset with himself "perhaps take him to a cafe of sorts that has board games" Lilia supplied and (name) tilted his head confused "I will seek Council with someone to assist me on this" and with that (name) was gone.

'that sweet hopeless sparrow's Lilia thought as he watched him wander off.

"Oh? Hello (name)" Vil looked at the younger Draconia brother who handed him old coins "I wish to seek in conversation with you in regards to romantic rendezvous" (name) said seriously and Vil looked very confused "my beloved paramour Azul has rejected my proposition for a romantic outing and I wish to know what would fancy him instead" Vil wanted to laugh at this situation, the fae precious in his attempts to woo a man who Vil isn't even sure knows (name) has been pursuing.

"Well perhaps we can figure something out"

"By the seven he was asking me out" Azul said stopping in his tracks as he went over the earnings from the lounge "the coins... He was asking me out"

"Oh he thinks you're dating" Ace said casually as he sipped on his drink "what?" Azul looked floored at this "he refers to you as his Paramore, you accepted Fae courting gifts after all"

Azul needed to find (name).

Vil smiled as he dressed (name) up, the fae prince pleased with the flower crown and nice clothes that weren't too restrictive "now you go tell him that you wish to see his coin collection" Vil was supportive of the other as he urged him to go find Azul.

(Name) wandered the halls blissfully as he looked for his beloved ocean born lover "(name)!" Azul called out as he briskly walked to the other "hello fair ocean treasure, I was hoping we could eng--""are you telling people were dating?" He asked getting to the poing and (name) tilted his head "why would I not speak of our courtship"

Frustrated Azul sighed "because we aren't?"

"But you accepted my gifts?"

"That was a mistake"

Azul regretted his words at the simply heartbroken expression (name) held at the word mistake, it was a mistake? But... But he accepted his courting?

(Name) was a mistake to him?

"(Name), I di-"" very well, I hope you find yourself in good health... Goodbye"

And with that (name) was gone.

Malleus was protective of his younger brother, (name) was his kin after all.

So seeing him so visibility distraught as he clutched a flower crown in his hands "I wish not to seek romantic intentions anymore..."

"But what of your courtship with the ocean born?" Malleus comforted his brother who looked tearful "he claimed our courtship was a mistake!" He cried into his hands and Malleus felt rage bubble within him at his brothers betrayal.

"He is not worthy of your affections"

"That was cruel" Rook spoke up after seeing the interaction "he was so hopelessly in love with you too... Poor little thing" he sighed with false sadness "he had plans of asking you to do things you enjoyed too, he had Vil help him and everything..."

Azul felt like shit.

He missed the clear Fae courting traditions and (name) was hurt because of it, Azul couldn't deny be felt... Romantic interest towards the horned male but in the heat of it he spoke out of his ass.

Word got around fast about the "break up" and (name) seemed absolutely miserable, Vil comforting the poor fae as Silver showed him a very small toad to cheer him up.

Azul sighed as he held a hand held glass greenhouse with tiny mushrooms in it and (prefered treat) as he walked to the trio "if you wish to know, I have not spoken of anything" (name) looked down as Silver glared at the octopus and Vil sighed but saw the gifts "Silver, could you help me with something?" Vil dragged an angry Silver away as (name) fidgeted slightly, refusing to make eye contact with the other "I can assure you, I will no longer cause mistakes for you" (name) whispered and was ready to leave when Azul stopped him "please... Just listen" (name) continued sitting and looked suspicious and sad "I was.. an ass yesterday, I was thrown off and reacted horribly... Would you please accept this courting gift?" (Name) looked at the items hesitantly as he looked at the other.

"But I'm a mistake"

"No you're not, I was being a jerk and I didn't understand why you would want to date me"

"Because you are like the ray of dawn on a winter's morn" (name) said simply as he took the small terrarium and inspected it "a death cap?" He smiled and looked at the other "You are forgiven sea born, but if you tread in those waters again I will not be able to stop my brother" he said simply and Azul shivered as he remembered (name)s brother was literally one of the most powerful mages in existence.

"And by the way" Azul said softly as he walked with a still shy (name) "your gifts were very nice"

(Name)s smile at that moment could melt the sun, so brilliant and pure "those are fae coins, you collect coins so they would be good for your collection"

#twsited wonderland #twisted wonderland x male reader #twisted wonderland x reader #azul x reader #azul ashengrotto #azul x male reader #fluff #anime x male reader #anime x reader

700 notes · View notes

dollypopup · 4 months

Text

sorry, still on this soapbox but

we have really, REALLY done Colin a disservice in this fandom. we spent so long viewing him primarily as a Love Interest and not as a Character. But when we see and analyze him as a character, so many of his actions make sense, and it becomes almost ridiculous, the dynamics we've imposed on this couple (yes, I'm talking about the 'Colin fucked up and needs to prove himself to Penelope' narrative) when there's so much more nuance and beauty to their pairing than we give them credit for

we as the audience focus so much on Penelope's perspective in their relationship, of course, because we have so much of her perspective in the show, and so our frustrations with Colin stem from that, but we get more insight into him than Penelope does. The 'I would never court her' scene that we've been livid over for years is considerably softened when we actually look at Colin as a character, and the circumstances around his actions.

Colin spends season 2 SAD. He is straight up not okay. We leave Colin in Season 1 freshly heartbroken and running away to Greece to heal. In Season 2, we meet him again, considerably more somber. Colin doesn't participate in the dances. He even says 'I'm just a spectator'. Colin talks about how he started a conversation with himself, tried to understand what he wants and how he feels. Colin offers Benedict shroom tea, and for a moment, JUST A MOMENT, we see the facade slip. His mask cracks. 'Are you quite alright, brother?' and then it's gone. Then he's cheerful again. Calm Colin. Nice Colin.

Colin who is okay.

But Colin is *not* okay. Colin completely isolates himself from women. Colin doesn't flirt, doesn't entertain female attention. Colin is heartbroken, trying to be better. But he views Penelope as a friend, a sacred relationship, a worthwhile relationship, and he can't bear to lose her. To him, Penelope is arguably his closest friendship. His best friend. And in an entire town full of people who don't listen to him, he thinks Penelope does. Unlike the typical dynamic of the ton, in which men are ONLY speaking to women by viewing them as potential sexual partners, Colin views Penelope as a whole person. She doesn't just exist as a romantic option to him, but as a vital connection in his life. That's why the 'I am a woman' 'You are. . .Pen' is so important to view as an act of love- Penelope is NOT just a woman as the ton sees her, good for marriage prospects and little else, Penelope is a complete person. Yes, she's a woman, but more importantly, she's PEN. She's a full human being. And he values her as such. We cannot say the same for the grand majority of men in his society. Tell me any other male-female friendships like that in the ton where that level of respect is given?

But for Penelope, it's hurtful, because she WANTS to be seen as a romantic option in his eyes. That's a fair feeling, though we as an audience should recognize that it can be both upsetting to Pen, and also deeply beautiful as a sentiment. Because of Penelope's hopes of Colin as a romantic prospect, she does not see that he is hurting. Because of our connection as a fandom to Penelope, we do not see it, either. But he *is* hurting. In all of Season 2 he's hurting. That's why he throws himself into the Jack mess. He wants, NEEDS a distraction. He wants to find a place in his world, his society. Honestly? He needs a win. He has spent the last year losing and losing and losing. Who can blame him for being sick of it? His engagement blows up, he finds out his family pays no attention to him, that no one cares about his agency, and he's publicly humiliated. If he invests, if he makes money, he might make more male connections. Might run in more important circles. Like his brothers do. Might prove himself. But Colin isn't friends with the men of the ton. We don't see ANY evidence that he has strong friendships with any of them. Because he isn't like them.

He is 22 years old. Treated like a child in his own family. When he talks about his travels, no one listens. Everyone dismisses him. 'Remarkable, yes, in the sense that I have many remarks about it'. Colin is invisible. He is trying to slot himself in his community, but he does not fit neatly into it. He connects with Will, a man outside his community, and Penelope, a woman also outside his community, because *Colin* exists outside his community. He's the foolish boy who fell headfirst for a woman who lied to him. He's the 'green' baby walking in his older brother's footsteps and unable to fill them. He doesn't behave the way other men of the ton do. He doesn't talk like other men of the ton do. Hell, he *apologizes* to women. We have men NOW in the MODERN ERA who don't even apologize to women.

His own *mother* doesn't even notice he was dating someone for several months in season 1. Colin is a pretty, empty ghost wandering around Mayfair, and so of course he's thrown into a locker room conversation with a bunch of guys who have never once seen a woman as a person, and doesn't relate to them. Colin's not joking and having fun with these men. We very purposefully do not see his reaction after he delivers the 'I would never court her' line.

Colin is uncomfortable around them, but he needs their help to make it up to Will, someone who was kind to him and who he looks up to. He has the mask on so firmly in that scene, it's physically obvious to see. If you compare his reactions around Penelope to his reactions around Fife, it's stark. With Penelope he's open, his eyes are soft, his expression is curious and kind, his shoulders are relaxed. Around Fife he's closed off, eyes hard, muscles tense. Who can blame him? He's acting. He's acting just like he's acting around Jack.

When we look at Colin as a whole character, we get insight into his actions and they make SENSE. The things he say that hurt Penelope are things that are actually defending her- Colin saying he wouldn't court her to those men in particular, is an act of caring. He is defending her in that scene. When a debutante is only good for being 'wed, bed, and bred' in their eyes, Colin saying no, that Penelope is worth more than that, that his connection to her isn't forged on wanting to fuck her, or exploit her, or treat her as a sexual object, is radical. Because anything else, ANYTHING else that he says that isn't an outright denial, puts Penelope in danger. He can't let them believe that the woman he cherishes so deeply he cannot even ENTERTAIN the idea of not talking to her is out here being ruined by his hands.

And when we see it that way, we see that, in reality, of all the men in the series, Colin is the one who has been kindest to his love interest. Colin is the one who has defended her, the one who has stuck his neck out for her, the one who has cared for her with absolutely no expectations of sex or romance in return.

Colin's relationship to Penelope is beautiful, and sure, she can be upset that it isn't in the exact shape she wants it to be, but I think if she takes a step back and looks at it more objectively, if WE take a step back and look at it more objectively, Colin has only ever gone into it with a big, earnest heart. Not PERFECTLY, of course, he isn't perfect, but with the best intentions, and with as much honesty as he can.

And I don't know why we don't celebrate him more for it

#colin bridgerton #polin #penelope featherington #lord fife #bridgerton #once again i am first and foremost a colin apologist #but also like. . .he really does deserve better #he's in this city with all these ain't shit men around him #you think fife has EVER apologized to a woman????#cho???#most of these men are viewing women on the marriage market as meat #at the very least colin sees penelope as a human being #he listens to her he appreciates her he tells her openly that he cares about her #there is not one man who has treated a woman with this much tenderness without already being romantically interested in her #and that should be CELEBRATED not demonized

74 notes · View notes

chittychittyyangyang · 1 year

Note

I just recently got caught up with RWBY and one of your posts made me realize something. You talked about showing not just healthy coping. ever since I saw Ruby start lashing out it made me feel uncomfortable and heartbroken. But it’s also weirdly cathartic to see her being angry and frustrated? Idk if you’ve seen Miraculous Ladybug but it reminds me of Marinette self destructing because to her, she is directly responsible for all the bad things that happen. Ruby also has that kind of mentality. It’s her fault Penny is gone, her fault Atlas fell, her fault Salem has the relics. Maria even mentioned it earlier “you really don’t give yourself enough credit”. Sorry this was really rambley, I was just feeling a lot of feels haha

Okay but why are there seemingly no mental heath workers in Remnant?

Anyway, it's something I feel like has been missing about the talks about what is or isn't healthy or what people should do. Because the thing about the trauma that everyone keeps talking about, is when it gets compounded and not addressed you get Jaune and Ruby. You don't always get PTSD from a traumatic event, but if you are unable to cope and deal that that stress? It greatly increases the chance. Something bad happening doesn't mean you will get trauama, we all go through bad things, the lack of or inadequate aid after does. The one fairing best out of the whole team right now is the only one after Beacon fell to have any good intervention for her metal health (it's Blake and the love and support from Ghira and Kali and eventually Sun).

When you don't know how to manage your emotions, when you have been trying to live up to an impossible standard, and when you feel like the whole world is on your shoulders you are gonna have a breaking point. More so at 17! Ruby has only had three caregivers to model after growing up: Tai who shut down, Qrow who was distant and an alcoholic, and Yang who tried her best to be the light Ruby needed but was never going to be enough because he was a child herself. She had them and her idolized version of Summer she wanted to live up to, all influenced by people's grief. And it's not like you're going to tell a child anything bad about her mother. You're probably only going to tell the me good positive things "Slayer of monsters and baker of cookies".

I care less about how "healthy" it is for her to have the outburst than what it means moving forward and how she handles whatever fallout there is (which let's be real, WBY have been more worried than upset with her, even if Weiss make's it seem like she is). When you are in such a heightened emotional state it's not okay to hurt people, but sometimes you will. Sometimes you might not have much control when your brain gets to a point where you can't even see the world around you anymore. Ruby is so blinded by her depression and the expectations she has put on herself she can't see that everyone around her is worried for her and loves her.

As a friend of mine is fond of saying about me "Depression is fundamentally a selfish thing". It doesn't matter Ruby knows her sister and friends love her, they don't know the position she's in because she's gotta be the one with the answer and has to do this. It's not an uncommon feeling since Yang told Weiss she wouldn't know what loneliness is like (which is still funny to me as a viewer). Ruby hasn't had that same kind of heart to heart with anyone with that same understanding, and I will admit to not knowing who would be best to reach her.

Speaking of rambely, this answer did. But seeing her go off was both uncomfortable and cathartic, and we know this is the start of her breaking, and I hope the start of her getting to a place where she can heal and grow stronger.

#rwby9 #ccyy answers #ruby

41 notes · View notes

footballerimaginess · 2 years

Text

Pregnancy.. Part Two

Part 2 of Pregnancy.. Read part 1 here Trent Alexander Arnold Word Count: 792 Sitting on the sofa, bailing your eyes out. This was not what you had expected to happen. You were absolutely heartbroken, this should be something so excited about. But sadly that wasn’t the case.

Trent headed off home, driving as fast as he could. Trying not to break the speed limit, his mind all over the place. “Woah Trent, what is wrong with you?” His brother shouted as Trent ran in the house, chucking is keys on the floor in frustration and complete anger. “Woah bro, tell me what has happened. Calm down, never seen you like this. Talk to me” his brother took hold of his shoulders as he tried to calm his brother down. “I just-” Trent stuttered, not being able to get the words out completely. “Well, I was seeing someone and.. they told me that she is- erm. havingmybaby” Trent mumbled, catching his breath as he blurted his words out for his brother not to make out what he was saying. “Trent, I don’t know what you are saying still. Talk slower please” he said as he took his arms and tried to do his best to reassure him. “She told me she is having my baby, I just walked out. I left her, all on her own. I can’t believe this happening” Trent felt so ashamed that he walked out and left you, Tyler gasped as he heard these words come out of his mouth. Tyler sat Trent down, before heading off to grab him a glass of water. “Thanks” Trent smiled as he took a sip on his water. “I didn’t know you were seeing anyone, why didn’t you mention anything? is that why you were arguing?” he asked, as Trent was reluctant to reply. “Yeah I didn’t mention it, she was angry with me which is understandable. I was stupid, I guess I was enjoying the thrill rather than anything else. I didn’t really think of the whole picture, the consequences didn’t really matter. What do I do now?” he asked Tyler, hoping he had a help for the mess he landed himself in. “I don’t know bro, this is your mess. Whatever I say isn’t going to help at this moment. She is probably so scared, I’ll leave you to think okay?” Tyler stood up and left the room for Trent to gather his own mind. Without thinking, he headed back to yours. You buzzed him up as his face appeared on the small screen. “Fuck sake” you muttered as you got to the front door, keeping it open for him. “What we back for this time? Telling me I shouldn’t keep the baby or you just realised what a cunt you were. Oh sorry, is that fair?” you groaned as he slammed the front door behind him shut. “I would never eve tell you to get rid of our baby, yes I am fully aware of a cunt I am being. I am here to say something else. Can I sit or we going to shout at me again?” he asked you as you shook your head, letting him sit down. “y/n, I am sorry for the way I spoke to you. I should never ever disrespect you or any female ever like that. I was awful to you, I think it just complete shock and I can’t say sorry enough. I understand if you don’t want to forgive me, I really do y/n” Trent apologised, you could really see he meant every single word that came out of his mouth. You on the other hand had no idea on what to say to him. Instead you played with the thread of your old grey stained jumper. “I am sorry too, we are going to be parents. This is us now, but we aren’t together. Just because we are growing child, well I am. I don’t want to get with you. That is a deal right?” you smirked as you saw Trent’s facial expression change. “Good, I can deal with that I think” Trent smiled, finally seeing him back to his normal self.

“I want you to meet my family, I know it is scary. But when you are ready of course, they deserve to know and well I want to be in the baby’s life as much as possible” you felt your heart melt at the instance, when those words came out of his mouth. “I would love that Trent, that is all I ever wanted. I didn’t want to be hidden away, but this is good. We are moving in the right direction for now. Thank you, now do you want to stay for food?” you asked him. “Sure, I’d like that” the pair of you headed into the kitchen.

Part 3 or not? feedback is very welcome please. Taglist: @footballffbarbiex @odegaardsblues @penguintransporter @football-and-fanfics @footballxixstars Tags taken from the Trent blurb - @9yadira

#trent alexander arnold imagine #football imagine #football imagines #football one shot #football one shots #futbol imagines #futbol imagine

79 notes · View notes

lonely-lost-soul · 3 years

Text

Where Loyalties Lie

(Technoblade X reader)

Request 3: Can we get a little angsty fic or headcanon of Techno trying to get the reader to leave L’manberg?

Requested By: Anonymous

~~~

“Tubbo please take a deep breath,” You followed him around the rubble as he paced restlessly.

“I’m president of a crater (Y/n)!” The boy pulled on his ears with a loud whine, “What am I gonna do. I can’t believe Wilbur blew it up-” He felt your hands touch his own and gently pull them away from his oversensitive goat ears. “What am I gonna do? I-I’m a kid…” You frowned, moving to cup his cheek with your hand. He nuzzled into it desperately, welcoming the comforting touch of someone who he considered family.

“You’re going to get through it because you’re strong.” You told him, “and so brave little ram.” He flushed pink letting out a whine of protest especially because he was still surrounded by most of his friends.

You watch as Quackity walked over to the both of you and placed his hand on Tubbo’s shoulder squeezing it, “We’ll rebuild. We’ll be right behind you Tubbo.” He smiled at the kid and you couldn’t help but smile over at him.

“Thank you both. Truly.”

There was one thing that had you were worried you may come to regret, and that was not taking Technoblade’s hand as he fled from the country. You were close almost touching it, he looked like he wanted to beg for you too but one desperate cry from Tubbo had you pulling away. He looked heartbroken but at the same time, you saw understanding in his deep red eyes.

Family came first.

That day he pulled you close pressing a soft kiss on your forehead, “I’ll be back for you.”

You murmured a soft I’m sorry, turning to find Tubbo to make sure he wasn’t injured or dying. The thoughts of the festival replaying in your head, you couldn’t go through that...not again especially because now Tubbo was officially on his last life. Tommy couldn’t fathom how you didn’t blame Technoblade for what happened that day, but to you, two things were clear: one was that Tubbo didn’t blame him which made it easier on your end to forgive him; two Schlatt was manipulative and overwhelming as fuck you can’t blame someone for something they were peer pressured into doing. Speaking of Tommy you ended up finding Tubbo and him in the rubble that day, the taller male was pressing cloth to Tubbo’s bleeding arm desperately, when you took over and Tommy seemed grateful.

However, you had to push your possible regrets aside and focus on the new nation you’d help build, and build it you did. You worked endlessly for months on end creating a lovely new nation for people to live in, Tubbo had dubbed it New L’manburg. You felt his pride and happiness, he just loved seeing everyone together again and happy once again. Finally, the server felt somewhat normal after all that destruction, even if there was a Techno-shaped hole in your heart. Things changed rather quickly when Tubbo was, in your eyes, manipulated to exile Tommy by Dream. You had tried to argue for the boy saying that not only was he Tubbo’s friend but just a kid. You were shut down harshly by not only Dream but Tubbo as well, the look in his eyes was filled with so much loathing and frustration. It’s the first time he ever snapped and was harsh to you, you felt your own frustration bubble up in your chest. You turned on your heel and marched back up into your house, you were not going to put up with this behavior. When you slammed the door shut, and turned around to find Technoblade standing in your living room, with your cat purring fondly on his shoulders; you almost screamed.

“Heh- why are you scared it’s just me?” The hybrid complained his nose scrunching up, “Don’t be cringe- oof-” Techno grunted as you threw your arms around his waist, the man flushed to the tips of his ears and looked away from you, Taffy hopped off his shoulders disgruntledly, “Yeah, yeah, I missed you too.” He pet the top of your head tenderly and you looked up at him with a smile.

“What’re you doing here Tech? If Tubbo finds out he’ll have your head.”

“Then I guess we’ll just have to make sure he doesn’t find me then huh?” He mused lips, quirking into a smile, and you nodded in agreement. “Other than that just running some errands. I’m in retirement now you know. I have to say that ‘New L’Manburg’ is certainly a name.” He did air quotes around the name and you nudged him,

“Be nice.”

“Boo Cringe. I’m a Blood God starlight. I don’t do nice.”

“Bullshit,” You punched him in the arm, “Tea?”

“Please.” He cracked a smile as you walked over to your tea kettle heating the water and grabbing some tea bags.

“So, you came here to run some errands huh? I almost thought you missed me?” Technoblade shuffled a little behind you, how could you read him so perfectly? It was complete and utter bullshit. You heard him click his tongue distastefully behind you and you couldn’t help but smirk cheekily,

“Get off my back woman.” He stated gruffly as you laughed, “but I guess I do miss you a little bit.” You smiled fondly and softly cooed at him and he let out another scoff,

“A little bit?”

“What is this interrogation? You a cop now?” You placed his tea in front of him and he took a sip,

“Yeah, we’re gonna need to do a strip search. Drop your pants.” Technoblade choked on his drink, face turning the darkest shade of red you’ve ever seen from him. You howled with laughter sliding down in your seat beside the man.

“I changed my mind. I didn’t miss you at all, you’re a terror.”

“You love me, admit it.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” He murmured looking at you with a sudden softness that was out of character for him. You didn’t notice the change but it was there, oh if only you knew how much of what you said was true. He did love you. He ran his tongue across his teeth and reached out to interlock your hands within his own.

“Come live with me.”

“Tech…”

“I’m in retirement now. I’m going to get some turtles hopefully, maybe some other pets while I’m at it. There’s a lot of room...It gets lonely all alone you know. It’d be nice to have you there with me.” He watched hesitance flicker across your face again just like the day Wilbur blew up L’Manburg. Your thoughts went to Tubbo and how much he needed you, especially now that Tommy was exiled. However, you were also brought back to a few moments ago where Tubbo snapped at you for trying to help. You took a ragged breath and pushed his hand away, he frowned sadly bringing his hand back down to his lap.

“I need to be here for Tubbo. He’s a kid Tech...way over his head. Dreams sniffing around him like a dog looking for his next victim to manipulate. I can’t let that happen, not to him. I know he’s President of this nation and you hate him for that, but he’s my brother and I love him. He’s a tough kid with a lot of fire, but I can’t just leave him in the dust. I love you,” You reached up and cupped his cheek and Technoblade felt his cheeks burn at the implication, “but I can’t leave until Tubbo is safe.”

“I’ll convince you one day.” Technoblade shot back even though his heart ached, that you wouldn’t be coming home with him. But Technoblade wasn’t known for giving up. He was stubborn as hell, he’d win you over yet. You’d come home with him, he’d confess to you and he’d make you the happiest person in the world. You just...didn’t know it yet.

“I’m excited for the day you do Tech.” You snickered softly, you both were startled by harsh knocking on the door.

“That’s my cue. See you soon Starlight,” Technoblade hummed slipping right out the window, you watched him go longingly. You shuffled towards the door and opened it slowly, on the front steps stood Tubbo who was rocking nervously on his feet.

“Hi…”

“Hey LR...you okay?” Tilting your head to the side,

“Is LR supposed to stand for little ram?”

“Problem?”

“No…I suppose not.” He murmured before clearing his throat and straightening his back, “I wanted to talk with you.”

“Oh?” You raised an eyebrow watching him nod his head sternly, you walked outside and closed the door behind you so you could lean on it. “Shoot,”

You watched as Tubbo swallowed thickly, “First off I’m sorry for yelling at you earlier. It wasn’t fair of me to snap.” He watched you nod a little urging him to continue, “however, I am the President now and you have to respect my authority.” Eyebrows furrowing together in frustration you opened your mouth to counter him but he held up his hand, “Dream has an idea of how to rule. He can steer me in a better direction-”

“Pardon me?” You let out a disbelieving laugh, “A better direction? Tubbo, are you forgetting everything we all fought for, we fought him for independence. He killed us!”

“He might’ve changed!”

“He exiled Tommy!”

“He deserved it!” Tubbo shouted back as your nose scrunched up, “He’ll steer me in a direction that you never could!” He snapped before realizing what he said, he slapped his hands over his mouth eyes widening to the size of saucers. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that-”

“Go home Tubbo.”

“(Y/n) please,” He reached out towards you and you held up your hand,

“Go reset the day. You need rest,” You frowned, turning back into the house “see you tomorrow.” Inside the house you shut the door on him and slid down onto the floor, you brought your hands to your mouth and swallowed thickly. A part of you wished Technoblade was still here just so he could tell you to get over yourself, he wasn’t skilled in the art of comforting others, but he could make you laugh. To keep yourself sane you reminded yourself that Tubbo was a child and needed you now more than ever, especially if he thought Dream was dishing out good advice. But you were hurt and a selfish part of you wished you could just go live in retirement with Technoblade and not worry about the new country forming, but you couldn’t ditch Tubbo.

Running a hand through your hair you sighed loudly, one might wonder what exactly could Tubbo do to make you listen to Technoblade’s offer. Honestly, you had no idea if anything would make you do that unless of course they just started executing people or something ridiculous like that.

Restless was how you’d describe the rest of your night, you tried to sleep but after a few hours of tossing and turning you gave up. You decided to make yourself a ‘healthy’ midnight snack, a small bowl of mac & cheese, you didn’t care, you were sad. You sighed softly scratching behind your cat’s ears, “It’s just you and me against the world Taffy isn’t it?” Her purrs rang in the air as she snuggled against your hand, distracting you just enough to swipe a noddle from your bowl. “You fat bitch!” You hissed as she ran off back up the stairs, you leaned back in your chair and sighed, literally nothing was going your way today. Just as you finished up your snack you heard a soft ping upon your window, turning to the sound you noticed your neighbor Phil awake in his house. He held up a hand and waved at you through it, and with a small smile, you waved back. He shuffled back into his home, I guess you both were insomniacs together, Techno knew how to pick a certain type of friend it seemed.

You walked back up to your bedroom and slid under the covers once more, maybe you were wrong and things were going to get better.

Months went by and nothing seemed to change much to your disappointment. Tubbo and you were still a little rocky, you had forgiven him for his harsh words but he always put Dream’s and even Quackity’s opinion before your own. When you came back from visiting Niki one day and saw wanted posters of Technoblade all around the country you almost had a stroke. You confronted Tubbo about it and only half answered you before running off when Quackity called him. That worried you, he normally didn’t like lying, especially not to you.

The same day you were walking into the market to get some fresh fruit when a hand shot out from the wanted poster and pulled you behind it. You were held flush against someone’s chest who chuckled gruffly, you recognized that chuckle anywhere. “Techno! What’re you doing here?” You asked looking up at him with eyes filled with concern, “don’t you know you’re a wanted man?”

“I think that just makes this all the more exciting.” Techno mused running his fingers through your hair, “Plus it’s not like anyone here can catch me.”

“Wrong I could catch you.” He dared to laugh in your face,

“Sure you could, and I’m half sheep.” Technoblade mused and he watched you huff cutely, “Don’t get all huffy at me you know I’m right.” You only waved him off, “seriously though I’m here to do some trading with Phil.”

“Oh…” You gave a nod, “Will I see you more frequently then?”

“You could see me all the time if you moved in with me.” Techno joked again and was surprised to see your face fall a little. Are you serious? Was he getting you to crack? “Starlight?”

“Ask me again in a few months and I might say yes,” You teased brushing the question off swiftly, Technoblade didn’t pry but he could tell you were almost convinced. Just what was going on in this country to make you want to leave your little brother? “Now shoo, go see Phil before he gives up on you.” You gave him a little shove and he stumbled off with a huff sticking his tongue out at you in the process.

After that encounter, you didn’t run into Technoblade for another very long stretch of time. About a month or so after that encounter, Tubbo had shown up at your doorstep a complete nervous wreck. He begged you to help him, claiming he needed diamonds for an upcoming project and wanted you to acquire them for him. “Tubbo I don’t understand why I need to go on this trip? I have diamonds I can just give you. You know I don’t care.”

“But I feel bad about it,” Tubbo argued with you “please just do this for me.”

“You know I’ll do anything for you. If you want me to get them this way I’ll do it. I should be back tonight is that okay? Do you need them sooner?” Tubbo looked relieved as he took your hands in his own,

“No tonight is perfect!” The boy chirped sounding more like himself than he has in months, you couldn’t help but smile. You ruffled his hair a little before kissing his forehead,

“Then tonight you shall have them, Little Ram.”

Tubbo helped you gather the materials you needed for a trip down into the mines, Tubbo even gave you some fire resistance potions. You thanked him for the potions before putting on your armor and heading down into the tunnels. As you were down in the mine the concept of time was always an illusion, so when you finally found diamonds for Tubbo and you left the cave you were surprised to see the sun was just setting. You hummed softly to yourself walking back into New L’manburg excited to show off to Tubbo you couldn’t help but wonder what he needed them for in the first place. However, when you entered town you were greeted by a gathering going on at the center. Everyone seemed to be there clad in what looked to be butcher’s outfits, your vibe was immediately thrown off eyebrows furrowing in concern. Quackity was giving some sort of speech and that finally drew your eyes towards the podium, locked inside a cage was a fuming Technoblade. You rushed towards the group, pushing past Ghostbur and a blue sheep, and grabbed tightly onto Tubbo’s arm.

“Tubbo what the fuck is happening?” He tensed turning towards your face. It was no secret that you and Techno were friends, this wasn’t good at all.

“(Y/n)! You’re back early!” He spoke nervously rubbing his hands together as Quackity turned towards you,

“Welcome back!” Quackity hopped off the podium with a smirk, “Fundy grab them.”

“Quackity hey wait a minute-” Tubbo started as Fundy roughly grabbed onto your arms pinning you in place,

“Ow hey! Watch it! Let go of me!”

“Get your hands off them!” Technoblade snarled nostrils flaring grabbing the bars of the cage tightly.

“Quackity you said we’d leave them out of this!” Tubbo argued and your jaw dropped staring at Tubbo, “You promised!”

He waved Tubbo off with a scoff, “they’re just as bad as Phil, Tubbo. She needs to be punished. We can't play favorites when trying to run a country. We’ll execute Techno then deal with the other traitors.”

“Execute?” You choked, “you can’t be serious! Tubbo you cannot be serious, since when are you okay with public executions?” He refused to look at you, his hair covering his eyes, he only nodded his head in Quackity’s direction.

“Do it.”

“Tubbo!” You shrieked watching Quackity grin maliciously, moving over to pull the lever that would allow the anvil to fall and crush the man below it.

What happened next was a cluster fuck, someone began trying to set off TNT, and Quackity pulled the lever. It fell rapidly towards Techno and he pulled something out of his pocket, in a flash of bright colors and bursts of light Technoblade was ripped apart and pulled back together again. He was alive, Technoblade really doesn’t ever die. He hopped on top of the anvil and jumped the bars of the cage, Fundy had long since lost his grip on you, he noticed Dream ushering him inside a cavern and he paused a moment. The hybrid turned towards you holding out his hand one final time, the world seemed to stop a moment and it was just you and him. His face held a desperate look in it, almost pleading you to take his hand within your own. You flashed back to the day Wilbur blew the country up, Tubbo called your name you glanced over your shoulder once towards Little Ram. You reached into your bag and dropped the diamonds you found for him on the ground, you grabbed Technoblade’s hand and squeezed it tightly. Technoblade smiled and yanked you forward, leaving a heartbroken Tubbo in your wake.

898 notes · View notes

lemons3ason · 3 years

Text

HOW THE VINSMOKE BROTHERS REACT TO LOSING THEIR S/O BECAUSE OF THEIR FATHER!

Warning: Mad Angst, Lowkey long I got kinda a little to into these scenarios, mentions of death and torture, I cried and lowkey need to make a part two for fluff TT-TT

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ichiji Vinsmoke

You were missing from bed this morning, of course Ichiji was curious of it since you were practically 8 months pregnant but he thought you were just back in the kitchen cooking with Cosette again. You were a chef for the Germa Kingdom, the only reason he had met you was because Niji had thrown a plate of food at Cosette and you shielded her from it before striking Niji in a nerve and knocking him unconscious for over 36 hours. Since that day Ichiji had claimed you as his, his cute firecracker, and yet for some reason you were never enough for his father. You made his son human, which in turn made him weak, sooner or later you would’ve had to be dealt with. Judge had summoned him to the throne room to speak with him alone, with his shadow casting over the young red haired man he spoke with a cold heartless tone, “(Y/n) has been executed. She was taken down to the dungeons before daybreak, so you won’t find her.”, he turned to his son to make sure he emphasized his point, “She wasn’t good enough for you anyways.”

Ichiji felt his heart shatter, something he once never had, and felt his lips quiver at the news. Nothing held him back, so why?! Why didn’t he just kill his father where he stood! Judge had sent you to the dungeons to be executed, all because he deemed you unworthy of the Vinsmoke name. Ichiji’s fist ignited into flames as his rage boiled in his blood. He was always cold and collected but right at this moment he was afraid! Afraid and enraged, Ichiji left his father alone and stormed down to the dungeons. Memories of his days tormenting Sanji replayed in his mind causing his stomach to churn. The dungeons were for the weak, only the strong could laugh from the other side of the bars and unfortunately you were just a weak powerless human compared to the monsters that lived right by your side.

“(Y/n)! (Y/n) answer me! Answer me right now!”, Ichiji’s voice roared through the cold dark cells of the dungeon.

Soldiers in charge of the chambers emerged attempting to calm their leader but their skulls simply met the hard brick walls as he punched them. Flames flickered from his fists and feet with each of his movements, even without his raid suit Ichiji was a force to be reckoned with.

“(Y/n)!”, his screams were desperate at this point, his emotional heart couldn’t handle the stress of the situation anymore.

Then he saw it, in pure disbelief he threw his glasses to the side taking in the pale lifeless battered body that laid before his eyes. Everything stopped, y-you were gone. He was to late. Ichiji didn’t want to believe it not now, not ever, he raced to your side scooping your cold form into his arm and holding you tight almost mistaking his own body heat as yours in broken hope that you were still alive. He was heartbroken, as he stared down at your beautiful sleeping face his vision became blurry. He had lost it, he lost you, tears and screams of agony poured out of Ichiji’s body. He couldn’t handle this, not (Y/n), not you of all people. His wails became louder so much so that his siblings could hear him, even Judge who stared out over the sea with no regret to his decision could hear the heartbroken wails of his precious son. Ichiji’s raw emotions triggered his powers, his tears evaporated from the intense heat his body produced and like an inferno eating at a dry field his flames engulfed the dungeons setting fire to half of the Germa Kingdom. Even as your body seared to ash in his arms he held onto you desperately his wails becoming noiseless gasps until his brothers pulled him out of the flames and away from your ashes.

“(Y/n)! (Y/n)! (Y/n)!!!!!”, He screamed fighting against his brothers strength as soldiers rushed in to put out the flames.

Even if he showed weakness because of his heart Ichiji mourned your death, he couldn’t handle it anymore because every little thing reminded him of you. For a whole week he had locked himself in your old quarters and he wouldn’t budge...not until Reiju appeared with the only thing that would pull him out of mourning. She kicked the door open holding something small in her arms and sighed seeing her brother collapsed by your bedside.

“She’s gone Ichiji, get over it.”, Reiju growled.

“How do you expect me to do that? Tell me Reiju! Every woman I’ve ever seen was merely a toy of amusement for me until I met her! She reminded me what it meant to be human, how do you expect me to get over her!”, the red haired male growled grabbing his sister by the fabric collar until a soft cry caught his attention.

The sudden rough movement had awaken the slumbering (h/c) haired baby that rested in Reiju’s arms. Ichiji’s body trembled from shock and he once again collapsed to his knees. Reiju smiled and kneeled down in front of her younger brother carefully placing his child in his arms, “(Y/n) fought till the very end, I noticed them take her down to the dungeon and the stress from them beating her drove her body into labor. Father’s word was absolute to kill her but nothing was said about the baby. All she asked was that I took her.”, Reiju sighed tears of regret falling from her blue eyes.

This little baby girl, with Ichiji’s curly little eyebrows, and your sweet eyes, was all he had left of you and he wouldn’t let his father take her from him like he took you!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Niji Vinsmoke

That night you hadn’t returned to bed, after a heated argument about his cruel behavior towards the staff of the ship you had left Niji alone in his quarters. The young prince waited impatiently for you to return but after midnight struck the clock he decided that it would be best to go find you instead. It wasn’t your first fight but truly he let himself go, he said things that he regretted and sucking it up and apologizing to you only seemed fair. He called your name loudly, not caring about the others and their sleep since he needed to find you quickly.

“(Y/n)? Hey little brat come on, it’s late we can continue this argument tomorrow just come to bed.”, he sighed running his fingers through his blue hair in frustration.

He noticed several guards talking amongst themselves and decided to question them on your whereabouts. All the soldiers froze up once they felt the intense anger radiating off of their general, they quickly stood at attention greeting Niji as he glared down at all of them. He noticed your necklace hanging out of one of their pockets and quickly snatched it back as he began to interrogate the soldier.

“Where the hell did you get this? A piece of gravel like you shouldn’t have been able to get this close to (Y/n) in order to take it. Where did you get this?”, Niji growled electricity discharged from his body with each passing second.

The soldier stumbled over his words trembling in fear as he looked death in the face, “I-I’m sorry sir! I-I found it in the dungeons it’s from the most recent kill. I-I didn’t know this b-belonged to Ms. (L/n)!”, the soldier squeaked in fear as Niji’s electricity made all the lights in the hall pop, his body glowed a dim blue in the dark corridor as he stormed down to the dungeons. Something didn’t feel right, for once an unsettling itch was making Niji nervous. Why would you be in the dungeons of all places? His steps echoed the farther down he went, but the eerie silence of the dungeons made his stomach ache. Something wasn’t right.

“(Y/n)? Hey brat, where are you? Come on this is enough, it’s not funny, (Y/n)!”, Niji yelled, his voice broke as he called your name, “(Y/n), come on I’m sorry! I don’t hate you, I love you so come back.”

For the first time ever fear was coursing through his blood and he didn’t know what to do. Every call of your name drove him crazy, you didn’t respond no matter how loud he got. He searched every sell desperately for you but he couldn’t find a thing, he was clueless on your whereabouts until one of the many prisoners in the dungeons spoke up.

“Niji?”, the old man called quickly grabbing the young prince’s attention.

“Who the hell do you think your calli-“

“That’s the name the young lady was calling when they were beating her. Niji, at the top of her lungs, it was painful to have to hear her.”, the old man sighed tears falling from his eyes.

Niji’s arms reached for his tattered clothes slamming him against the bars as he demanded answers, “What girl? Where did they take her?”

“T-this young lady with short (h/c) hair. They took her to the torture chamber just down the hall!”

“Her hair wasn’t short! Liar!”, Niji growled.

“I-It was! Lord Judge cut her hair with his spear to show her how little she meant to the family. Then ordered her execution, I haven’t heard her voice for the last three hours.”, the man admitted crying in fear of being punished.

Niji released the man and ran as quickly as he could to the chambers, but the pool of blood was enough for him to understand your fate. He stared down at the pool in defeat and fell to his knees as his vision became blurry. Bloodied whips and clubs littered the floor but Niji couldn’t see a thing, he screamed in anguish to the situation. His heart couldn’t take this, his head was splitting to the very thought of your death. His sadness quickly turned into rage, it’s was his fault, his father was the cause of all of this! Using his powers he appeared in his father’s room in a mere matter of seconds, his electricity burning hotter then ever before.

“WHERE IS MY (Y/N)?!”, Niji roared ripping his goggles off so he could see his father properly.

Judge, completely unamused by his favorite son’s outburst, simply scoffed and returned to his paperwork. Having been ignore Niji slammed his fist into Judge’s desk scattering and burning the papers throughout the room. He glared up at his father and repeated his question, “Where is my (Y/n)?”

“Tossed out to sea, it’s not like she was alive anymore. By now she’s being digested by some stray seaking that found her battered corpse.”, Judge sighed in frustration, “It’s not like I would’ve considered someone like her eligible to be your wife. A prince shouldn’t bother with a mere nameless slave.”

Niji was heartbroken, tears that had been ready to fall from his eyes from the past 20 years had finally started to fall. He couldn’t see, not even an inch in front of him as he grieved your death. He was to late, he fought with you and made you leave and when you needed him most he wasn’t there for you.

“It was pathetic how desperately she called your name, she was to reliant on you, it made the torture so much easier when she finally gave up. Hopefully the next woman you fall in love with is more suitable to be a Vinsmoke.”, Judge sighed lifting his son by his collar and throwing him out of his room.

Niji was forced to stumble back to his room, no matter how much he called you you never returned to his side. You were gone, all because he was to late.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sanji Vinsmoke

“What happened to her? (Y/n)!”, Sanji yelled caressing your face as you slept.

Your body was covered in bruises and cuts from your recent fight with Niji, you had snuck onto the Germa ships to find Sanji and drag him back but unfortunately you had ran into one of his monster brothers. Reiju had stopped her beastly brother from killing you but you presence on the ship didn’t go unnoticed, Judge was now aware of you and he wasn’t happy. Reiju allowed you to stay in her room with Sanji but Judge had other plans for you.

“(Y/n) you idiot. You should’ve stayed with the others back on the Sunny.”, Sanji sighed holding your hand in his, you woke up seeing him softly kiss your knuckles.

“Takes an idiot to know one. Come back stupid, I miss you.”, you sighed turning to him.

Sanji frowned at you but he couldn’t help but smile seeing you awake. You were such a handful, always had been and always would be but that’s what he loved about you. He pressed a kiss to your forehead making you smile but once again you both forgot that you were prisoners to the family. Sanji carried you back to his room and kept you there by his side, you both softly whispered to each other declaring your love like children. Having you in his arms again made Sanji forget about his worries, all he needed was you and that’s all he wanted. Eventually sleep claimed you both but you both slept comfortably together sharing dreams that a promising future would hold. The next day Sanji was forced to meet Big Mom. He hoped that you’d be left alone in his quarters but hope was for fools, while he was gone one of the soldier’s had slipped a sleeping drug into your food and dragged you down to the dungeons.

“(Y/n), I’m back. Have you eaten I’ll make yo-(Y/n)? (Y/n)?!”, Sanji’s blood ran cold seeing you missing, you couldn’t move around with your injuries which meant someone had taken you. He raced through the halls of the ship searching for you desperately, not one soldier told him where you were but a feeling in his chest told him exactly where you were. His legs carried him to the dungeon chambers but he found himself unable to even open the door. Memories of the caged abuse he went through drove a cold sweat through his body, but he had to save you. He swallowed his fears and opened the door but his fears were realized when he heard your voice scream his name. He hurried, he rushed, as quickly as he could but he was seconds to late. With his father looming over your battered body Sanji was forced to watch the spear pierce through your back,

“S-sanji.”, you cried as the injury killed you instantly, your outstretched hand fell to the ground as you passed away.

“Why failures stick together I will never know, but at least there’s one less of you vermin.”, Judge growled pulling his spear from your corpse as he turned around to see his mortified son, “It’ll teach you better then to let fools get in the way of my goals.”

He simply scoffed at him and walked back up the stairs while Sanji fell to his knees just inches away from your body. “(Y-y/n)...(y/n).”, Sanji croaked holding the hand that you had been reaching for him with.

“(Y/n)!”, he screamed to no one in the cold depressing dungeon as he pulled your body towards his chest to hold you.

He sobbed into your hair, crying until his voice ran dry. Sanji couldn’t accept this, “Not like this, p-please not like this. Not her!”, he begged staring down at your bruised face that still looked like a beautiful Angel in his eyes.

“(Y/n) please don’t leave me. Not like this my dear.”, he whimpered pressing his forehead against yours.

This dungeon had caused him so much pain and now it was the place that had taken you from him. Why did life have to hate him so much? To be married off to a stranger, to be taken from his crew, and worst of all to lose the only woman he had wanted to marry. His family brought him nothing but agony, he cried until exhaustion forced him to sleep. Reiju was ordered to fetch him for dinner but the sight of her younger brother asleep against the wall while holding your dead corpse was enough to move her to tears. He truly did love you but now you were gone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yonji Vinsmoke

From the start Yonji knew that his father hated your existence, but Yonji just couldn’t help it. He had fallen for you, the way his name rolled of your tongue and past your sweet soft lips made him crave your presence. The way you reached your small hands up to him to hold his face in your hands made his heart face, but your eyes, your beautiful passionate shimmering eyes made him fall head over heels for you. Even when he was disrespectful towards others Yonji would always keep an eye on you smiling when he saw you doing the simplest of tasks. The prince that loved a peasant what a cliche love story. Even if he was a genetically modified human in your eyes he was just him, and you were just the perfect normal little human girl.

“Prince Yonji I made cookies today. Would you lik-oh heehee.”, you giggled watching Yonji eat the cookie from your fingers.

His crumb covered lips pressed against your cheek making you smile, but your soft moment together was spoiled by the all to familiar scoff of Lord Judge. The tall giant glared down at you while you sheepishly smiled up and greeted him, Yonji scowled at his Father’s glare and wrapped his arm around your waist protectively.

“Keep moving old man.”, he growled much to Judge’s disgust.

Cosette called you back to the kitchen, you excused yourself hesitating to give Yonji a kiss in front of his father but the green haired man wouldn’t let you leave without a proper kiss. As soon as he got his kiss he let you go, your face flushed red and smiling as you returned to your duties.

“Why you bother with a failure like her irritates me, you deserve a princess not a dirty servant Yonji.”, Judge growled down to his youngest son.

Yonji scoffed in annoyance to his father and simply walked away leaving his father to his own complaints. Judge decided that if you were the one his son wanted then he’d modify you so that you were actually useful to the family. Every night you would come to find Yonji and kiss him goodnight, it was a ritual that he became dependent on but tonight you didn’t show up. Far past midnight sleep was finally beginning to take over his body but he tried to stay awake hoping that you’d just been busy with chores. He woke up angry the next day because of your absence and went to search for you to give you a piece of his mind but no one had seen you. You always presented yourself to work even if you were exhausted or sick meaning something had happened to you. Yonji growled under his breath knowing that his father had something to do with it. One of the doctors appeared before him asking for his presence in the dungeon chambers, Yonji didn’t want to bother with it but his father was waiting for him. Just entering the room he could hear torturous screams resonating from down below, his father must’ve been furious.

“What do you want old man?”

His father simply pointed into one of the screaming cages and smiled, “Now she’s worthy of you. A soldier ready to give her life for you.”, he chuckled.

That’s when Yonji saw it, his eyes widened in shock seeing your blood stained body killing a prisoner. You held the knife above your head ready to kill them but Yonji’s hand caught your wrist as he called your name. You responded but the look in your eyes was enough to tell him what had happened. Cold, lifeless, dead (e/c) eyes, looked into his there was no spark in them anymore.

“What did you do to her!?”, Yonji growled sending his mechanical arm right to his fathers face.

Judge was unimpressed by his son’s rage and pushed his hand away, “Simply made her worthy of you. An annoying woman like her wasn’t fit to be a love interest for one of my precious sons but with her genetic enhancements now she is. Surprisingly she was able to stay sane for about 7 hours before the electrical charges finally fried what little brain cells she had. The only sacrifice was her mental sanity, her emotions, and her heart. She’s the perfect little puppet now.”

Yonji’s face dropped to the news of your torture, he turned to your frozen form and kiss your lips hoping that you’d react, hoping that it wasn’t true but nothing happened. Your cheeks didn’t heat up, your eyes didn’t sparkle with love, you didn’t call his name sweetly, he lost you.

“REVERSE IT! REVERSE THE EFFECTS RIGHT NOW!”, Yonji ordered holding your head softly in his hands.

“She’d really die this time, if we bothered trying. This is how she stays if you want her by your side, once you’re tired of her dispose of her. She’s no longer human she’s just an empty shell.”

Yonji couldn’t believe it, he held you calling your name over and over until you responded but you never did. You never made a noise you were just silent. “N-no...(Y/n)...n-not like this. Please not like this come back to me.”, Yonji pleaded through his tears but from then on it would never be the same.

#x reader #one piece #one piece x reader #vinsmoke yonji #vinsmoke ichiji #vinsmoke niji #vinsmoke sanji #sanji x reader #Niji x reader #Yonji x reader #ichiji x reader #angst

522 notes · View notes

mrpenguinpants · 3 years

Text

Genshin: Royalty AU [V1]

I’ve been a hermit ever since covid dropped lol. Yes, you’re doing social distancing right. Imagine going outside? Ptff, what a weird concept. But I’m happy you’ve stuck around for so long despite the constant brainworms I have. Oho?? More crumbs 👀 Lemme just crack my knuckles real quick. I’m throwing a reader in just so I have an excuse to tag everyone haha. These are a lot more scuffy compared to my usual HCs but let me brainrot for a sec.

---

Genshin: Holding Hands [V1]

Genshin: When you’re cold [V1]

Genshin: University AU [V1]

Genshin: Roomate HCs [V1]

Genshin: Mythos AU - Cat Xiao

[Masterlist]

---

[taglist] <- if you want to be added, please read this first.

@youaskedfurret @diaxfeliz @wintergreen-aix @aethwie @thegayrubberducky @lovelykittycatmeow @yuunoagivesmelife @dokidokisama @rokipersonal @minakohasmanyhusbandos @strwbrry-lia @tigerpriestess @yuu-yuukurotsuki @qimiie @onowie @hanniejji @mikeysbike @unionwitch @musekala @sunnshiii @stanzastic @akaasea @xoneaboveallx @adoring-ghost @asheseiler @childelover @dilucsz @dai-tsukki-desu @thicmitten @nonniechan @htnicayh @genshins1mpact @morthecreator @aanne2601 @aklxojjk @fulltimeventisimp @legionqueensav @castinluckgamer

---

Zhongli

Your first impressions of Zhongli was that he was an egotistical and selfish brat. To be fair, you might have adopted some of those qualities yourself but you were both children at the time. Your sister, Guizhong, was tasked to take care of Zhongli in place of his parents which lead to your first meeting with the infamous Imperial Prince. At first, you were excited to finally meet someone who was the same age as you and Guizhong was always so kind. But when he turned to face you two, he just asked if Guizhong was supposed to be his concubine. You weren’t sure whether to gag or throw your shoe at him but Guizhong quickly intercepted before you could do anything that could get you killed. It’s only until you spent more time with him that Zhongli tells you that he has never had someone care for him or want to spend time with him without some alterative motive.

Zhongli radiates sheltered child from birth. To outsiders, he seems really slow on normal everyday tasks but that’s because he’s never had to worry about doing mundane things. He’s always had someone else to do them for him that when he’s out in public, he just stands around and waits for someone to help him. It’s incredibly awkward for everyone in the situation when Zhongli forgets to bring mora and just stands off to the side until one of his servants comes to pick up his check. That’s how Zhongli got such a bad reputation of being a spoiled brat despite being a well-mannered and polite man. When he drops something he just turns to look at you, back at the object, then back at you. You have to pound it into your brain that no, Zhongli is not a lazy and he isn’t trying to be insulting, that’s just how he’s lived his life. When you tell him he is fully capable to picking things up, because what if he dropped something important when he was older and the wind swept it away, he pounders the thought as if you’ve just explained the meaning of the celestials to him that you give up and just pick it up for him.

A Prince from Mondstadt named Venti used to come to Liyue for playdates while their father’s talked business and politics. He was the complete opposite of Zhongli but you genuinely liked him. While he was a bit more bolder and hyper compared to the calm and quiet Zhongli, he would always try and get Zhongli out of the palace and outside. You end up missing so many fun and interesting things when you’re locked up in your study room. How can the next Emperor care about his land when he doesn’t even know what it’s like to live there? It was the first time you and Zhongli went out just for fun and you might have gone a bit overboard in hindsight, but Venti’s personality and the feeling of freedom to do anything was addicting. Plus, watching Zhongli’s reactions to all these new feelings made him feel a bit more human. While you knew that Zhongli would do everything for Liyue, you never got the impression that his heart was in it.

From then on, you and Zhongli try and carve some time out of his schedule to go down to the streets and have a little bit of a break. When you both built kites and scaled all the way to the mountains to fly them, it was the first time you’ve seen Zhongli be bad at something. He always had such elegance and perfection whenever his teachers asked him to do something but as soon as the kite took flight, it would stumble then come crashing down. Zhongli had the most heartbroken puppy expression on his face that you couldn’t help but burst out laughing. While you’re on the ground gasping for air and probably have the most ridiculous expression on your face, Zhongli smiles gently as he looks at you then back to Liyue. The moment is ruined when Guizhong comes running towards you both and scolds you for sneaking out.

While it’s somewhat annoying when other attendants in palace gush about how well Zhongli is growing into becoming the next emperor, both in smarts and appearance, you have to somewhat agree with them in some places. If you want to know the history of Liyue or how to properly place a tea set, he can tell you in incredible detail. However, when it comes to social cues and interactions, he’s awful at them. Everything is treated a business deal that it makes everyone somewhat nervous or uncomfortable that you’re internally dying at any social event he goes to. But despite the awkwardness, he has a lot of admires that frequently send him letters of marriage or adoration that you have to shift through. It makes you a bit uncomfortable reading the flowery language but it surprised you a bit how many people have the misconception that Zhongli planning to have you as his spouse. When you mention this to Zhongli as a joke, he returns to his thinking pose and he contemplates the idea before nodding and agreeing with the letters. He proposes to you right then and there and it’s such a sudden development that your brain has finally broke and you pass out.

Venti

Venti is one of those royalty types that spends so much time outside and away from his duties that he’s basically thrown his cape and crown to the wind. The first time Zhongli visited Monstadt, his first impressions of Venti were him singing to a crowd. While Zhongli doesn’t understand why Venti would spend his time on music rather than his studies, they still get along well. Mostly because Venti has a very easy going personality, even if he’s a bit blunt, but whatever comments he makes fly over Zhongli’s head. Unlike him, you’re the complete opposite. You’re a knight in training with an earnest heart that wants to protect the City of Mondstadt with your entire being. While you don’t necessarily hate Venti, because he never asked to be born into the royal family, you can’t help but get frustrated at his nonchalant attitude towards everything aside from alcohol and music.

Your first meeting with him was during your time training under the Favonius Knights. You wanted to get a bit more practice late in the night when Venti stumbled upon you bullying a poor wooden dummy before he announces his arrival. He laughs a bit at your fumbling as you quickly get into a proper kneel but he waves it off saying it was unnecessary before he asks what you’re up to. You’re in mid-explanation when Venti cuts you off with a yawn and you can feel the irritation creeping up on you as you snap back why he’s outside instead of inside the safe walls of the castle. Your irritation grows even further when Venti smugly grins, patting himself on the back from getting a rise out of you, before he reaches into the bag you just noticed he was carrying to produce sheets of music.

While his teacher’s drone on and on about the production of wine, he is busy writing songs in his textbooks. While he understands the importance of his role, he thinks the people can rule themselves just fine without his help. He wants to leave his crown and become a bard and live an ordinary but free life. How he’s always sneaking out to go explore without the world constantly breathing down his neck. Whether his posture is correct or if he’s memorized the history of berries wouldn’t matter. Honestly, Venti is weighing his options of either staying as a royal or leaving everything behind to pursue the life he wants. When he finishes his heart-felt speech he expects you to give him those same pitiful and woe is you eyes but you’re just angry. You can understand his sentiment, living a life that you never asked for isn’t fun, but suddenly packing your things and jumping ship would only cause chaos and conflict. At least have some sort of replacement before you leave damnit.

Now it’s your turn to be surprised, rather than taking offense to you, a nameless knight, basically insulting the him, the Prince, he lights up in excitement. He rips his cape and crown off before he’s shoving them onto you before you can even say anything. He’s almost bouncing on his feet as he tells you that you can freely take his crown and become the next in line. You have no idea how that would work but he mentions that he knows a man named Albedo that can help change your appearance to look like him. That way, you get to protect the City you love so much and he get’s to live the life he’s always wanted. It’s completely fool proof with no flaws whatsoever! Except for the fact, that he is jumping way too far to conclusions, he’s shoving his responsibilities onto you, and most importantly, you don’t the first thing about Venti and how to act like him.

Before you know it, Venti has dragged you to meet his Father to personally appoint you as his personal knight. He doesn’t take no for an answer even though you aren’t qualified at all to be protecting someone of high position as him but Venti’s always been a handful that someone needs to watch over him. You have no idea how one night managed to throw your entire life into this chaos but you’re not sure if you can even get out of this situation at this point.

Kaeya

It all happened so suddenly. You and him were playing in the gardens when his father rushed in and took both of your hands and dragged you to the border to Khaenri’ah. The land you were both used to seeing, the friendly baker that would always give you both sweets, or the magic that used to flow so freely was transformed into red cubes. You were both scared and confused but as you both reached the border oh Khaenri’ah, a large gate that leads to the above world of Teyvat, his father tells you both to run as far as you could and never look back before he pushed you both in. It wasn’t until years later that you both discovered that a corrupted god had taken control of Khaenri’ah. Now, everyone believes that the Khaenri’ah prince is dead because he’s been missing for so long and whatever hope Khaenri’ah has is gone. For his own safety, he had to change his name to Kaeya and you both found yourself at the gates of Mondstadt.

It took a lot of adjusting for the both of you but Kaeya especially. Your mother had dropped you into the care of Kaeya’s family for a short while before everything went downhill. She was a bit on the neglectful side but she was still your mother and you knew she was alive. On the other hand, Kaeya lost his entire family and nation in a single moment. Whatever pure happiness and bright personality he used to have quickly regressed until he was a shy and quiet kid. You know he blames himself for what happened even if there wasn’t anything he could have done but he’s grown a fear of outsiders so he tends to avoid other children his age. Instead finding comfort in playing with the funny looking abyss mages and slimes that are on the outskirt of Mondstadt. While he doesn’t seem bothered by the weird comments other people make of him, you know deep down he does get hurt, that it makes you so mad that you end up lashing out.

You end up getting into a few fights as Kaeya patches you up. He scolds you and says that he doesn’t need you to go so far for him is when you make him a promise that you’ll protect him with everything you have. It’s the first moment since everything happened that he seems to gain back that life in his eyes. He blinks at you before he chuckles sheepishly and comments that you can’t even tie your shoes correctly do you stumble a bit. You’re a bit embarrassed at your sudden proclamation but stand determined about it. You both end up making a pinky promise to stay by each other’s side until the very end.

When you’re both older and in the position of Captain and Teacher in the Favonius Knights is when he seems to be a bit more open. You both end up gaining a reputation of the laid-back Calvary Captain that bother’s the strict but kind Teacher. He’s always waltzing in the middle of you class to tease you before you end up throwing something at him to get him to stop embarrassing you in front of new recruits. You end up getting back at him with your woe is me acting and push all your paper work on him. Since he loves spending so much time in your class, he should know how to do all your paper work right?. Despite all of this, if anyone needs to find Kaeya or you, you’re basically a packaged deal. Always attached to the hip.

Kaeya knows deep down, at some point he’s going to have to go back to Khaenri’ah and save his people but he’s conflicted. While he knows it’s selfish that he get’s to live a life of freedom, he wants to be selfish. Not just for him but for you as well. You’ve both basically lost everything and now that things are okay, he doesn’t want to give that up. While you both promised to stay together until the end, you’re the only person he has left and he doesn’t want to rope you into his mess or have you worry about him. He’s heard of the blond traveler in black and blue that is searching for the lost prince of an unnamed kingdom, knows that the peaceful life he has right now will come to an end, but he pushes it aside. Besides, there are more important things to attend to. Today might be the day he tells your students about how you fell into a lake because you got scared by a frog.

Jean

Jean is incredibly dedicated to her role and to her people because she’s genuinely a good person and wants to see people happy. Especially her sister Barbara. She’s a bit awkward and clumsy in her execution but she has a lot of heart. Being her personal knight, you know just how hard she works and you admire her greatly for her ideals and nature. She has such a professional and gentle façe when she’s out in public but as soon as she’s behind closed doors, she’s collapsing into your arms as the world lifts for a short while. You chuckle a bit amused at how different she appears to the outside world, how the ever prime and proper Princess wakes up with a rat’s nest, how her favourite food is pizza, or how she throws these 7 inch heels out the window as soon as a ball is over.

Due to Jean’s kind-hearted nature, when it comes to more pushy people she can’t seem to say no to. Travelers or citizens that think they can take advantage of the Princess is what makes your blood boil. While she isn’t stupid and knows that people are taking advantage of her, she wants to extend any help she can. Not for her public image but because that’s how she is. While it warms your heart that people like her exist, as her knight you can only let so many things slide. When some shady peddler tries to lead Jean somewhere, you’re already stepping in and smilingly sweetly as you grip the peddler’s hand in a death grip and not so subtlety say that he better have a good excuse for why he wants to drag the Princess away or there might be a problem.

When Jean is overworking herself and nearing her breaking point is when you step in. You may be her knight but you’re also her friend and you know when it’s time to stop her destructive habits. She might complain and reassure you that she’s fine but you don’t accept that. If she was “fine” her temperature wouldn’t be the same level as a pyro slime and she wouldn’t have such dark circles under her eyes. It’s a simple bend and lift to carry her in your arms that she ends up stuttering before going pink and let’s you carry her to her room. While she’s screaming into her hands, you’re preparing medicine and everything she’ll need to make a full recovery.

The hardest times for Jean is when her Father constantly pesters her to find a husband. Jean is an independent person and while yes, while being a workaholic isn’t against help, but she doesn’t believe she needs a husband just to make her entitled to rule her kingdom. Besides, Jean is secretly a hopeless romantic. You’re very tight lipped about secretly finding her love story books hidden under her bed unless you want to see her self-combust. You try your best to comfort her but there’s not a lot you can do for her situation other than offer words of reassurance and try and get her mind off things. While you’re patting her on the back she’s looking at you as if you’re the most oblivious person in the world.

Albedo

Albedo is a renowned alchemist that helps royal families with their problems with the use of his intelligence and abilities in alchemy. Something that only a few people can do throughout Teyvat, you being one of them as well. At first, you had admired Albedo and his abilities and saw him as a bit of a role model for young alchemist. Until you actually met him in person. He’s pretty much an emotionless void of a person that he comes off as extremely unempathetic when he listens to the woes of royals. While you sort of agree, the problems that royal’s commission you for are completely ridiculous and selfish, he doesn’t have a moral compass and if he can benefit from it. He’ll do it, no matter how questionable it may seem.

Maybe it’s because you have a little sister figure in your life to stir your moral compass but it still get’s you irritated. It’s always a joy to see Klee when you come back home from your travels that whatever bad mood you were in suddenly washes away. But when you knock on Alice’s door only to have it open to reveal Albedo holding Klee in his arms does your world come crashing down. Klee is completely ignorant to your internal screams as she scrabbles out of Albedo’s hands to give you a hug and take your hand in hers as she leads you inside. You can almost feel the inner workings of Albedo’s mind as he stares at you blankly as Klee shows you the new art she drew.

You both don’t mention or talk about it even when you happen to cross each other’s paths outside or you both end up seeing each other at Alice’s home. It’s a bit funny to you, to the outside world Albedo seems so aloof and untouchable, and yet you’re here watching him get tired from chasing Klee around and trying to stop her destroying her home with her bombs. It almost makes you smug when Klee listens to you better than Albedo, it might seem a bit petty and small but you don’t care. He ends up getting back at you when he ends up one-upping you in front of the royal court. He does a quick scan of the room before his eyes land on you and he shoots you a small smug smile before his face returns to it’s neutral expression. You’re clapping along with everyone with the most strained smile you can muster.

You manage to find out from Klee that Albedo enjoys drawing that the next time you see him, you ask if you could see him draw something or if he had sketches on hand. You’re fascinated by his drawings, more so than his actual research discoveries, as you look at the tiny details he’s managed to capture. Outside of Klee, no one’s really been interested in his drawings that he can’t help but feel a little flustered when you’re gushing about his work. It’s different from people praising his alchemist efforts, you’re not someone whose staring at him like he’s on a pedestal when you say you like his drawings, and it feels genuine. He offers a small smile and says that if you’d like, he’d love to show you some more sketches.

You’ve never noticed it until other people bring it up but Albedo seems close to you. Usually once he’s done his business he leaves but if you happen to be around, he sticks around a bit longer just to speak with you. How he seems comfortable to relax in your presence and even leans in closer. How he complies with your requests without any benefit to him. You’re not sure what type of relationship you hold with Albedo. You don’t think you’re friends but you’re definitely closer than acquaintance. If taking care of a a hyper active walking bomb doesn’t bring two people closer than you don’t know what does. But at the end of the day, you find you don’t really care. Not everything needs to be labelled and categorized like things are in alchemy. People don’t seem to understand but you always duck out and escape before you’re questioned further about your personal life. Unbeknownst to you, Albedo is watching you go as he ponders your words.

Childe

Childe is such a clown. He’s an assassin that doesn’t know the first thing about being subtle and is just in it for the fighting. He’s really just an incredibly egotistical bastard that likes being friendly with his targets, just to see their shocked expressions when it’s him that comes to take their life. He’s actually a pretty down to earth guy. While other assassins in the Fatui either have tragic backstories or some sad pitiful tale, Childe just laughs at them. His family is still alive and he’s never had any true hardships in his life. He’s pretty disliked for this reason but he’s a skilled enough fighter that it somewhat makes up for it.

Just when Childe’s life is at its peak, is when he slips and falls into the abyss. For the first time, he had to face against a threat and in a situation he has no control over which is completely foreign to him. He barely manages to survive until he’s saved by an unknown figure that goes by the name Skirk. While he’s grateful he’s still alive, facing his mortality for the first time gives him a lot to reflect about. Thus he makes the impulse decision to train under Skirk and grow stronger until he’s able to climb out of the abyss. That’s when he meets you who was travelling with Skirk for the same reasons. Your first interactions with this unknown teen is him challenging you to a fight, just for you to throw him over your shoulder as if he weighed nothing. You expected him to get angry or cry but instead he’s standing right back up and grinning like a psychopath as he asks for another fight. You’re looking at Skirk with the most, are we seriously bringing this child with us? look.

From then on, it’s been the three of you travelling through the floors of the abyss. Skirk tells you the stories of this place, how it used to be a great nation before corruption cause the citizens to be morphed and transformed into monsters. You and Childe learn how to fight alongside Skirk against these monsters until it ends up becoming a competition between you and Childe on who can kill the most monsters. Skirk is a bit worried that when you both are back into the outside world, if he should be worried about how morbid you both might appear. But while you’re both yelling at each other who actually landed the last kill on the regisvine while the hilichurls are cowering in a corner does he just accept that things aren’t going to change. The world will just have to accept it. If you both actually teamed up, and you have before, he thinks you both would be unstoppable but you’re both too stubborn.

Despite your rivalry, Childe still has his big brother instincts that whenever you get hurt he’s huffing over you like a mother hen as he scolds you for being so reckless. You’re ignoring the fact that he’s bleeding out while you have minor cuts because you don’t want a crybaby Childe on your hands. Even the harsh conditions of the Abyss, you both find ways to entertain yourself. Childe always challenges you to a fight every second of the day and he always ends up with a sore back when you knock him off his feet. And he always makes the joke that you’re sweeping him off his feet which ends up with him screaming bloody murder as you charge at him. It doesn’t help when he’s still yelling comments behind his shoulder that you might get mistaken for a gorilla when you’re both outside that Skirk has gotten so used to this that he simply ignores the attempted murder going on behind him.

When you’re both strong enough to climb to the gate of the Abyss, Skirk feels almost like a proud parent. Giving you a head pat and a hard slap to the back for Childe does Skirk wave you both off. You’re trying to mask your tears as Childe grins and promises to see you on the other side, that you’ll definitely meet up in the future no matter what. But when he finally returns to the Fatui, works his way back up to being an assassin, he almost thinks Skirk is laughing at him when he realizes that his first target is you. Not that he’s bothered by it, he'll be happy to see you again and see if he can finally beat you.

Baizhu

Baizhu is the most suspicious doctor in the history of all doctors. Some citizens aren’t even sure if he’s a qualified doctor but alas, he’s very good at his job and is a lot more tolerable compared to the Alchemist Albedo so that’s how he’s been able to keep his job. He works under the Liyue emperor so even if citizens had issues with him, it’s not like they could do anything in the first place. People aren’t sure whether he’s joking or being honest when he explains what he’s been privately working on behind the scenes. From experiments to rituals, they are taken aback but Baizhu just smiles and says he’s just kidding. Being his assistant, you have to constantly reassure others that Baizhu is a bit of a sadist and likes to get a rise out of people. Besides, why would a doctor be so interested in those type of things? It’s incredibly unnerving but no one questions it. They won’t know what to do in the first place if their suspicious are correct.

While Baizhu knows how to do his job, he’s always sending you to do the dirty work. From getting medicinal plants up on the very top of mountains or bringing cranky old men their prescriptions, whenever you’re done one task he’s got three more for you. He could at the very least take the trash out while he’s busy doing nothing. At least the job has a few perks. You’ve always had numerous health issues and while Baizhu’s reputation is a bit on thin ice, you wouldn’t trust anyone else to look you over. He’s a bit weird about it, you’re pretty sure Baizhu will never love another person emotionally but when it comes to the science behind a human body, he’s absolutely smitten. He tries to reassure you that he does care for the wellbeing of Liyue but you wave it off at him trying to butter you up before he asks something ridiculous of you.

You and his snake, Changsheng, do not like each other. You think she’s an annoying and bratty snake that Baizhu needs to throw into a jar to shut up while she thinks you’re a complete nuisance and doesn’t understand why Baizhu keeps you around. Baizhu has tried to get you both to reconcile but it always devolves into a petty argument of back-handed insults until Baizhu has enough and tells you both to quiet down. To be truthful, both of your hatred towards each other stems from two completely different reasons rather than disliking each other’s personality, but you can never bring it up to Baizhu. It’s not a conversation anyone wants to have.

If he has one positive, it’s his adopted daughter Qiqi who is just an absolute sweetheart. She’s shy and prefers to follow after Baizhu and you like a lost duckling. While Baizhu might be the worst boss in this history of all bosses, it makes you grin smugly internally when Qiqi chooses to stay cuddled in your arms instead of his. Qiqi is 95% the reason why you stay in this job, not that Baizhu would ever let you leave, because you’ve genuinely grown fond of someone for the first time the same way she has for you. You bring her along whenever you need to give prescriptions to citizens just so she isn’t stuck in within the same four walls and the locals love her. From her forgetful nature or how she shy’s behind your legs whenever someone new approach's you both. It’s so cute that people tend to ignore the floating rumours that Baizhu is reanimating his previously deceased family.

---

I have no idea if I’m just uncultured or if “Always and Forever” Au’s are a thing. I hope you all like this 👉👈 it’s kind of messy and all over the place and I lowkey don’t know if I like my brainrot (there’s a lot of issues ik). I kinda want to do a part 2 where I include other characters but let me know if that’s something interesting? Oh and feel free to add to this, I’d love to hear your ideas.

653 notes · View notes

trickfootpike · 3 years

Text

OKAYOKAYOKAY now that i've had a few nights to Ruminate here are way too many thoughts from 9/16's show -- fair warning that they aren't *super* coherent as a lot of this i just tried to loosely organize from dms i threw at folks night-of, but it is most of what i remember sticking out to me!

GENERAL THOUGHTS --

last saw the show in august of 2019 - back then i saw it up in the mezzanine, this time i was 7 rows back dead center in the middle of the orchestra. watching the show from the mezzanine feels like a god's eye view of the show while sitting up close in the orchestra is much more like being in the world of men, and how it hits in hadestown particularly is just nuts bc you really do feel like you're on the factory floor.

back in the London production i remember eva playing eurydice with more youth and hope to her, and when the show came to Broadway eurydice hardened. in a world with a pandemic eva seems to have actually shifted this back! Eurydice is still holding tightly onto Orpheus Knowing that the world is unlikely to be kind enough to let them have each other for long but she starts off less faithless than she used to, I suppose I would describe it? she's definitely played more open with others from the beginning rather than having it be something she has to really work towards!

WAIT FOR ME IS A TOTALLY DIFFERENT FEELING FROM THE ORCHESTRA THAN THE MEZZANINE AND NOT JUST THE LAMPS. the lamps really only swing out to over the first 2 rows, speaking very generously, anyway. what i remember being most impactful from last time was how the whole theater rumbled as the walls of the set split to reveal hadestown. what i couldn't see and afaik no boot's been able to pick up is the the set ALSO SPLITS AND STRETCHES OPEN AT THE TOP. that awning that covers the balcony lifts and the wall of hadestown is revealed to stretch floor to ceiling and it is just so much, so fucking much oh my god i could not stop hysterically blubbering to myself watching hadestown stretch open like it is absolutely here to devour you whole. it makes you feel the immensity of The Wall. I've linked ig videos of the set pre act 1 and post intermission to give like the best perspective on it i can and tried to film them so they were zoomed as closely as to what my eyes were seeing as I could, but here are also some pictures!

PRE ACT ONE

INTERMISSION

after our lady of the underground when eurydice comes back from hades' office and Persephone is finishing with her show, me being closer this time i was actually able to see amber's face during way down hadestown ii and flowers. and how she portrays seph's feelings re eurydice, it's like : genuine concern and watching over her when she first starts on the line, Quiet Seething and Jealous Rage as the fates' tattle "Hades put his hands on ya" that sticks for a While including the first half of flowers, but as soon as eurydice remembers the meadow her and Orpheus visited her heart just b r e a k s and you can see her wiping away tears. seph's just so caught in her own feelings of helplessness in hadestown. when hades tells her to stay out of him dealing with Orpheus all the fight just deflates out of her and the direct accusing look Orpheus gives her at the end of if it's true mixed with seeing his effect on the workers makes her physically rear back like she's gotten the fight slapped back into her

even with this audience who almost for sure has all seen ht before, there was still the loudest heartbroken gasp when orpheus turned. i know everyone calls this out but it still hit me hard that with a greater percentage of previous viewers in the audience it still hit us all like a fucking brick

and ofc. road to hell ii. it's a millions times more impactful than it already was what with the pandemic, making it through hard times and how they could be hard again but making the best of them even if it doesn't turn out well this time either. i was crying so hard last time but this time i was crying harder but also feeling like a huge weight was being like, very softly cradled in my chest to take some of the burden away

TOM'S HADES/HADES AND PERSEPHONE SPECIFIC THOUGHTS --

Tom's Hades whole tl;dr could be that Hades is a Performance. all those descriptions of him beign "jazzy" and "egodriven" are correct, but there is also this massive vibe he gives off that all his showmanship is there as a cover up for the very pessimistic man at the core of him. when him and persephone are getting along the jazziness is there for genuine playfulness with her, but apart from seph it is a purposeful exaggeration on hades' part to get Whatever it is that he wants. he is playing up aggression as king (see papers) and what he thinks as being suave (see hey little songbird) to maintain his throne and his marriage, and Epic III is the Destruction of that performance. Tom's Hades at the end of Epic III isn't trying to sell anyone anything, you just get to see the suddenly very scared and unsure heart of the man behind the performance of foreman and king. And oh boy is Tom's Hades at his heart unsure. He is so fucking pessimistic; back in Act 1 when Orpheus starts to sing Epic I he turns from Persephone even before she gets reminded of the world above and starts longing for it, because he already expects to see it coming and he doesn't turn back to her Ever Again, literally until he comes to get her in Way Down Hadestown. Not even when she gives him a kiss on the cheek goodbye. His Kiss, The Riot is him trying to figure out how the hell he's gonna be able to rebuild his performance after his whole kingdom saw through it, but he also ends it being so very certain that the deal he figures out for Orpheus Will end with Orpheus failing somehow. There is no doubt in this very pessimistic Hades that doubt will come in, whereas Patrick used the end of His Kiss The Riot almost like he was desperately trying to justify that his doubt came to him only in Persephone's absence

road to hell i: tom's hades loves cheering on the band so much he is Part Of The Problem that Hermes has to get to chill out and it makes so much sense for this jazzy dramatic motherfucker

balcony time (road to hell i until livin' it up on top): when they were upstairs playing dominoes they kept laying their tiles with these overexaggerated movements.. Like when they actually getting along they are so damn flirty and trying so hard to make each other smile and laugh and it is TOO CUTE

way down hadestown: Once Again "I missed ya" gives me no rest, mostly because Tom delivered it with this super coy and cocky grin and Amber immediately smiled back at him like Persephone couldn't help herself

chant i: is spent with him looking up proud into his creation while persephone is looking down with heartbreak and disgust seeing the workers as people in suffering and the ugliness of hadestown. as the song goes on he gets increasingly frustrated like a child who's super proud of the drawing he brought home from school that Persephone has nothing but terrible things to say about. when eurydice starts singing about her suffering seph throws out her arm and points to her like "see! See what you're doing!!" while hades is more in himself processing his disappointment, frustration, heartbreak, but over the next minute you start to see him Formulating A Plan as he watches eurydice. but he doesn't look entirely sold on going through with it until seph throws out her last verse in disgust. it was absolutely the straw that broke the camel's back.

hey little songbird: THO IT SOUNDS SO SEDUCTIVE ON AUDIO. OML DOES IT LEAN INTO EURYDICE'S "STRANGE MAN" DESCRIPTOR. HADES IS LIKE THE CREEPY SALESMAN ON THE CORNER WITH WATCHES AND A TRENCHCOAT. BUT HE'S SELLING HIS SHIT WELL, HE'S JUST ALSO A WEIRDO

Why We Build The Wall/"Behind Closed Doors": That followup on hades' threat when eurydice arrives in hadestown. as hades goes to the stairs he like not whacks, but definitely nudges seph's arm harder than Patrick does to get her attention. when he did she Startled and laid her hand over her arm where he'd tapped her like she was overwhelmed by just that touch........ but then she turns around and watches him take Eurydice up and when he opens his coat and she Realizes you see her whole body go slack. once eurydice goes past the office doors hades turns and lingers staring pointedly down at seph, for *seconds* whereas with patrick i remember it being more of a pointed glance. it drills home that hades is doing this specifically to spite seph and he wants her to know it. and you can see amber discreetly wipe her face before she turns back to "does anybody want a DRINK." there's less direct seduction between hades and eurydice but more explicit threat between hades and seph about eurydice

papers: actually isn't too much Bastärde as it is his Performance. HOWEVER, the way he directs the workers to beat Orpheus is chilling. Like patrick he hangs around, but he's watching until the last 10 seconds so it's way longer. And he makes like the smallest gestures with his hand to direct the workers to the different stages of beating Orpheus, fuck it was twisted

how long: how long actually starts with seph and hades seemingly coming to each other on a similar page - hades came out pensively fiddling with his wedding ring and Amber delivered "I know" like seph was already past the eurydice situation. this also could have been a product of time and seeing how actually little he did "seducing" eurydice lmao

chant ii: very much Hades Sees Orpheus As A Threat™️ (more on this further below) , also dare i say it but tom kills I CONDUCT THE ELECTRIC CITY

epic iii: oh man oh man. he looks so untouched until Orpheus starts the lalas and he goes from completely passive unimpressed face to like. his body unfolds on his stool and his hands go slack and he looked between Orpheus and Persephone when he asked where Orpheus had gotten his melody. he asked it a lot softer than I expected him too as well. a big part of the audience actually laughed when Hades sang his lala because Tom cracks his voice during it but it petered off into sniffling when they realized why and then we were all just crying together as persephone placed the flower in his vest.

lovers desire: SOME VERY CUTE STUFF. hades' performance is broken but tom's hades is still a Jazzy Jazzy Man at heart and they're like 100 times more playful with each other - they're both giggling and grinning their asses off while they dance together and give each other these like nudges to the next series of steps and it was adorable and I was discretely sobbing. they both played it like they knew how to do this dance with each other better than they knew anything, the little nudges were like..... them playing inside this dance they already knew so well? Like more overexaggeration to make each other laugh and just revel in this wonderful thing they've rediscovered- specifically I remember that Amber raised her skirt soooooo high when she was doing the curtsey and Tom was like waggling his eyebrows at her and adding extra flourishes with his hands and widening his eyes super big everytime he pulled off a move (the funniest ones were when they do like the two-step where they move one after another in sequence and he's copying her moves in reverse and oml it was just adorable). When Seph had the move where she pulls their linked arms over his head to tuck him into her I remember that was the one part where he wasn't doing this goofy act but his expression straight up melted and he looked so smitten. and when it's the last bit of the dance and he spins her across the stage, seph's face breaks open with tears his expression responds with like this mix of heartbreak and "ohhhhh no baby please don't cry" as he moved across the stage to quickly take her into his arms for the dip at the end

AFTER this when orphydice has finished promises and right before Orpheus turns to ask Hades if they can go, they come out of slow dancing to the side but are still super wrapped up in each other - seph wraps herself around one of his arms and presses herself super close and Tom leaned down with this little smile like Hades was gonna try and steal a quick kiss, but then he hears/sees out of the corner of his eye/senses or something Orpheus approaching and pulls himself up and formal to be the king. When he says I don't know and seph wrenches herself away from him to the other side of the stage to firmly stand behind Orphydice he gets this look of Extreme Frustration on that she's still not standing with him and these damn kids are still more important, bc even with character growth he still is a petty selfish bitch who does not like to share lmao, he's just getting that he Has To now

wait for me ii: Hades stays onstage by the microphone stand to the left to watch Hermes deliver his judgement to orphydice/seph/the workers and watching Tom during this was a Treat. this is the first time he's seeing how orphydice and esp Orpheus function when he's not involved to terrify them. they're so sweet and so good, and they have what looks like so much unwavering faith in each other unlike him and seph, maybe they really could... so when he delivers "i let them try" that last word is stretched with so much wonder. he's getting this first glimpse into feeling how everyone else felt when orpheus sang of how the world could be that isn't just focused in about how he feels about persephone, which always drives him - now he's having to deal with the Greater Implications and orpheus' seemingly unbreakable faith in a better world rocks him to his core. that certainty that orpheus would fail gets shaken as he watches them and when Seph asks him if he thinks they'll make it, his I Don't Know is 1/2 defensive and 1/2 actual uncertainty. he still hates to be wrong but he's wondering if his beliefs about doubt will turn out differently this time. he isn't optimistic about it by any means but orpheus, eurydice, and the workers' response to them both does give him pause

meanwhile in hades and persephone's section, on a personal level they deliver their lines to each other like they're a great deal more nervous about what next fall will bring than i've seen and heard before - something I'm thinking stems from hades' worldview being so suddenly shaken and seph too being a little more vulnerable?

MISC THOUGHTS

Tom seems to be leaning into Hades not having done anything with Eurydice other than tempt her down - once she's in Hadestown even during Why We Build The Wall he drops the salesman croon entirely and when he does rarely speak to her/about her it's commanding as a king who sees her just as another object under his possession, with very little interest in her for anything at all beyond that. he was just going after the goal of making sure Seph knew he had Options whether or not he actually pursued them

tom is super dedicated to how power-hungry hades is. I remember when I saw Patrick during chant ii he was playing hades as more affected by how much seph seemed to care about the workers now and desperately trying to get her attention back (even negatively), Tom was more consumed in seeing Orpheus as a threat because of how effectively he had turned his "children" on him. He knocks Seph down in those "shackle her from wrist to wrist" less as a personal petty attack to her like Patrick does and more like to try and destabilize her as someone backing Orpheus up. Tom's Hades perceives Orpheus as a Threat no matter how much he plays up his Performance as Nonchalant Jazzy King. he really emphasizes Hades' relationship to Orpheus whereas Patrick played more into his relationship with Eurydice, which makes so much sense what with Tom's Hades being a pettier more egotistical messy bitch obsessed with his kingdom and Patrick's Hades' obsession being his wife and Hadestown being like, this side-effect of being a god that he just couldn't help, he Had to build and strive for power whereas Tom's Hades reveled in it and wanted it. Instinct versus drive I guess. one of my buds put it super well as: "Patrick!Hades sees everything as a threat to his power Tom!Hades is so certain of his power that he can afford to be somewhat nonchalant but the fact that Orpheus alone is his main genuine threat is fucking brilliant"

and ok for now, that's what I've got! if anyone wants any clarification or wants to ask details about specific moments I didn't put in here feel free to shoot me an ask!

#hadestown #em speaks #theater #tom hewitt

65 notes · View notes

ifonlyweknewwhatiwasdoing · 3 years

Text

Misunderstanding (05 Whumptober 2021)

Prompt: betrayal/misunderstanding/broken nose

Pairing: Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker

Rating: Gen

Warnings: No Warnings Apply

Summary: The sun was rising as Obi-Wan looked out through the window of their quarters. It was ironic, he thought, that the start of a new day could be the end of their relationship.

Obi-Wan looks across the table to Anakin’s tired face and then back down at the now cold cup of tea in his hands. The window in their quarters he could see the sun starting to come up in the distance, and Obi-Wan realized belatedly that they’d been up all night.

He wasn’t ready for the sun to come up and wished for a moment that he could get back just a few precious moments to buy himself a little more time. But time doesn’t work that way and Obi-Wan wasn’t sure that more time would do him any good because, for as much as he’d always relied on words to solve his problems, he just didn’t have the words for this.

“Are we just going to stare at each other all day too?” Anakin asked him thickly, voice still hoarse from his earlier screaming.

Obi-Wan looked up with a pleading look, “I’m sorry Anakin. I just need a little more time.”

“I’ve given you time,” Anakin bit out, “I’ve given you days and months and years and it’s been nearly a kriffing decade Obi-Wan! How much more time do I have to give you? How much more time do I have?”

It’s a fair question Obi-Wan supposed. He and Anakin had been- well whatever it was that they were- for almost a decade. It seems impossible that that much time has passed but Obi-Wan is nearly forty-five and the war has been over for nearly half of that time.

Wasn’t it Obi-Wan who had promised that they would figure things out as soon as the war was over? Why could he still not say the words that threatened to break his chest open with the intensity of the way they rattled around next to his heart and weaved in between his lungs?

“You still can’t say anything, can you?” Anakin asked him, and this time he sounded more resigned than anything but that- that couldn’t be right. Never in their time together had Anakin ever sounded so defeated.

There wasn’t a time he should ever feel defeated. He was the Hero with No Fear, the Chosen One, the man who defeated the Sith in the senate and brought balance to the galaxy. He’d proven time and time again that there was nothing he could go up against that wouldn’t crumble under the intensity of his determination.

He never would have guessed- even if he’d been given a million opportunities- that it would be Obi-Wan himself that caused his course to become unsteady.

“We’ve got all the time in the world,” Obi-Wan finally replied weakly, “That’s what you said when we started this.”

“I know what I said,” Anakin sighed, scrubbing at his face harshly, “I just- I thought you’d need a few months, maybe a year or two. I didn’t think that you meant a decade, Obi-Wan.”

“Have you changed your mind?” Obi-Wan asked, mouth dry.

Anakin looked up, face contorting in frustration as he growled.

“It’s not that damn it!” he yelled and then he stood up, chairs stretching against the wooden floor loudly, “I just want to know that it’s not for nothing.”

“You aren’t,” Obi-Wan voice wavering, “It isn’t. I almost- I want to.”

“Do you?” Anakin asked him, collapsing back into his chair and then putting his head in his hands, “It doesn’t feel like you do.”

They sat together in silence but it felt as loud as the engines of his old ship. The force was whipping around them, their old bond aching in the back of his mind even though it hadn’t been connected for years, almost as if it knew that this was the end.

“I’ve requested for my own quarters,” Anakin finally said and Obi-Wan choked on the tea that he’d been sipping.

“What?” Obi-Wan demanded, “Why would you do that?”

“I-I can’t do this anymore,” Anakin told him, voice faltering, “I need an answer Obi-Wan and obviously you can’t give it to me. I- I understand now that this doesn’t mean the same thing to you as it did to me. But I can’t waste anymore time on it. You need to find someone who wants the same thing.”

“You can’t,” Obi-Wan told him angrily, “You can’t just walk away. That’s not-.”

Fair. As if anything about this had been fair. As if the way Anakin wanted to shout it from the rooftops while Obi-Wan forced him into silence was somehow fair to either of them.

“You don’t love me,” Anakin choked out, “But I love you. I love you more than anything. And kark I want to stay Obi-Wan but I can’t keep waiting for something that’s never going to happen. I need- I deserve to have someone who loves me back.”

And that was the whole misunderstanding, Obi-Wan supposed. Because he loved Anakin more than anything. He just- he’d spent his whole life being told that love was dangerous, attachment was dangerous. To say those words as freely as Anakin did felt like it would be a betrayal of everything that he’d ever known.

He wanted to. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to, it’s just that the words always stuck in his throat on the way out and choked him up. It didn’t matter that they were rattling around in his chest painfully every time he couldn’t respond to Anakin’s declaration and his expression fell.

They tried to break free every time they were curled up with each other in bed at night and Anakin kissed his collarbone where he was tucked underneath his chest.

They almost ripped themselves from his throat when Padme Amidala asked him to walk away from the order with her. When she offered him the family that Obi-Wan knew he’d been dreaming of.

And once when he’d been trapped in a defunct base in the middle of a snowy ridden planet that’s temperature would kill any human who tried to traverse it while he’d been freezing to death, wishing more than anything to be by Anakin’s side to tell him at least once before he left him behind, he’d almost forced them from his lips but he hadn’t had to the energy left to let them fall.

Obi-Wan Kenobi would love Anakin Skywalker in any life, any galaxy, any alternate timeline. He’d have an Anakin-shaped hole in his chest even if he’d never known he existed because Obi-Wan had always been missing something in his life right up until the point that a nine-year-old boy had burrowed himself under his blankets and straight into Obi-Wan’s chest after a nightmare.

He loved him and he didn’t know how to tell Anakin that love wasn’t the problem. He didn’t hold the words back because he didn’t feel them. How could he tell him that?

“You know when you were a child,” Obi-Wan started, voice hoarse and then put a hand up to stop Anakin’s interruption, “When you were a child you used to have nightmares about your mother. You lasted the first two weeks alone before you couldn’t take it anymore.”

“I wasn’t supposed to allow you into my bed at night,” Obi-Wan continued, “But I was having nightmares too, about Qui-Gon’s death and I figured if it brought you comfort perhaps it would do the same for me too.”

He looked at Anakin and pushed the next sentence out, “It did. More than you will ever know. But I knew right then that my life would never be the same. And it hasn’t been.”

“Windu tried to warn me against allowing you to continue to cling to me,” Obi-Wan told him softly, “I was originally supposed to be the one who headed the assassination attempt on the chancellor. Rako Hardeen was supposed to think he killed me.”

Anakin took in a sharp breath, eyes wide as he looked up at Obi-Wan.

“What? Do you- Caleb was heartbroken when he thought Gallia- you were going to do that to me?” Anakin seemed horrified.

“No,” Obi-Wan shook his head, “I would never do that to you. I fought against it and in the end, they agreed with me.”

“Things could have gone so differently,” Anakin whispered, “I went to you after Pal- Sidious said what he said because I trusted you. Because I loved you Obi-Wan and if I’d lost faith in you…”

“I know,” Obi-Wan assured him, “But I didn’t. I couldn’t do that to you Anakin. I know that it’s been difficult but it’s not that I don’t- feel that way- I just- I can’t say it yet.”

Anakin gave him a tired look, “Will you ever be able to say it?”

He looked so broken that it made Obi-Wan want to rip his own chest open, let the words escape in whatever way they could, even if it meant destroying himself in the process. But that wasn’t how things worked and Anakin deserved an answer.

“I don’t know,” Obi-Wan told him honestly, “I want to- force, you have to believe me when I say I want to- but that’s just not how we were raised.”

“I don’t know if that’s enough,” Anakin told him slowly, looking back down at the table, “But- it’s enough for now, I guess.”

Obi-Wan let his head hit the table, “Thank you Anakin.”

“I love you Obi-Wan,” Anakin said softly.

“I know,” Obi-Wan responded, voice weak, “Why don’t we go to bed darling?”

“Okay,” Anakin agreed, looking at the sun as its light began to filter more fully through the window, “I never put the request in to move rooms. I couldn’t. I tried to put every time I went to hit the send button it was like my muscles stopped working.”

“I know how that feels,” Obi-Wan whispered.

#whumptober2021 #no.5 #misunderstanding #star wars #fic #obikin #obikin fanfiction #i got worse at drabble opposed to yesterdays #i'm long winded okay?

22 notes · View notes

jnkinghorn · 3 years

Text

Mirrors

I didn’t know about it until my grandfather died when I was eight. My little brother was sick at the time, so it was just my dad and I who went to my grandmother’s for the wake.

When we got there, my Uncle Alec was covering all the mirrors in thick dark sheets. I tugged on my father’s jacket, and he crouched down next to me. “Daddy?” I questioned, “Why is Uncle Alec covering the mirrors?”

“It’s just a silly superstition, sweetie,” My dad said with a soft smile. But my curiosity wasn’t satisfied. My dad went to help Uncle Alec, and I sat with my grandmother. I wanted to ask her why they were covering the mirrors, but I knew better than to ask her about it. So, I just sat with her until it was time for the wake to begin.

I was by myself while we had lunch. I was picking at the plate of food my dad had made me. He never knew what I actually liked, so I ate the crumbs of the bread from the sandwich he gave me. I sat alone while the adults interacted; I was the only kid there. I drew in a coloring book that my mom sent me with when my uncle sat next to me.

“How are you doing, kiddo?” My uncle asked me. I didn’t know how I was doing. I didn’t really understand what was going on.

“I’m fine.” I paused a moment, wondering if I should ask about the mirrors. “Uncle Alec?”

“Yes?”

“Why were you covering the mirrors?”

He chuckled at my question. “It’s just a superstition,” he told me.

“Well, what is it?” I asked, my curiosity still persisting. He just ruffled my hair, walking away. I was frustrated, wondering why no one would tell me. My grandfather’s brother, my great Uncle George, sat with me shortly after my Uncle Alec walked away.

“Been standing too long,” he halfheartedly laughed, putting his cane down next to him. Uncle George liked to tell stories. I knew if anyone would tell me about the mirrors, it would be him.

“Uncle George? Why was Uncle Alec covering the mirrors?”

“Ahh, it’s an old superstition.” He stated and paused; I sighed in defeat, wondering if that’s all I was gonna get. Then he continued, “You see mirrors hold portals that can trap wondering souls. If you don’t cover the mirrors, the souls of the dead get trapped.”

“Is that a bad thing? If Grandpa’s soul got trapped, then he could stay with us.” I had said.

“That’s the thing, a soul needs to move on, or it will grow angry.” He spoke. “Way back when my great grandfather died, my great grandmother didn’t cover all the mirrors, hoping that he would stay with her. It was said that he did stay with her, but she died in her house a week later, joining him. My grandfather told me it was because his angry spirit lingered, taking the one who refused to let him move on. So now we make sure that we cover the mirrors so the soul of the dead can move on to a better place.”

“Uncle George!” My dad yelled. “She is too young to know that story!”

“I was half her age when I found out!” he bellowed. The two began to argue about me knowing the family’s superstition.

In all fairness, Dad was right. I had nightmares of my grandfather’s ghost coming to get me for a month after I was told that story.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had almost forgotten about the tale until my little brother died when I was thirteen. He was diagnosed with cancer a few months after my grandfather’s funeral. My mother was heartbroken. She had always preferred my brother to me, so losing him broke her. He was only ten.

When my parents were told that he wouldn’t get better, they brought him home rather than leaving him in the hospital. The doctors said we were lucky to get as long as we did.

I remember my parents fighting the day of the wake. My father insisted on covering the mirrors while my mother kept refusing. I sat on the staircase listening to them.

“Harriet, we have to cover the mirrors,” My father pleaded.

“I don’t even believe that stupid story!” My mother shouted.

“Darling, please!” My father yelled.

“I don’t care! It is just a silly superstition that your family has, and if it’s not, then he’ll be with me always.” My mother wept. She won the argument. My father knew better than to continue to fight with her. Especially in the state that she is in.

At the funeral, Uncle George nagged my father about it. Dad ignored him, knowing it was another pointless argument that he couldn’t win.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After the wake and the funeral, my mother stared at the mirror in my brother’s room. She’d only leave to eat, and even then, she barely ate. She would just pick at the food on her plate. Her face slowly began to sink in. Her cheeks became hollow from the lack of food. Her eyes were sunk in and dark from all the crying.

Eventually, she never left his room. All she did was stare at the mirror in his room. I began to wonder if she saw him in there. If the reason why she never left was more than just grief of losing her favorite child.

Dad assured me that eventually, she would get better. That she would become my mother again and would finally leave my brother’s room. It was the one time that Dad was wrong.

I was the one to find her. I saw her reflection in the mirror when I walked by. All I could see was the reflection of her feet in the air. Dad refused to believe it was my brothers’ ghost that took her. Superstition or not, my brother is the reason she did it. The first mirror we covered was in my brother’s room.

I helped him cover the mirrors. Though he didn’t say it, My Uncle George had a look that said, “I told you so.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After my mother’s death, I never doubted the superstition my family had. When my grandmother died when I was eighteen, I was the one to go and cover all the mirrors. Uncle Alec and my father had enough to do, on top of dealing with Uncle George, who was just too stubborn to die and had gone senile.

Uncle George lived to 109 years old I was twenty-five when he died. I was again the one to cover the mirrors, this time with the help of my fiancé Spencer. He didn’t question it right away, only asking me weeks later why we did that.

I told him the story that Uncle George had told me and of my mother. As I had suspected, he thought it was a silly superstition, most people do. To an extent, I did as well. I took it seriously because my family did, and if that’s what they believe, then so do I.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I died a week before my wedding, it was as if the world had shattered. In a sense, it did. At least to my fiancé. My father had spent some time at the house to prepare for the funeral. Just like with my brother, he insisted the mirrors be covered, but Spencer refused. His grief turned to anger, and my father was too heartbroken to fight it. What was supposed to be a joyous day with me wearing white turned sorrowful with me in black.

After Spencer shut everyone out. He stopped eating. He stopped sleeping. He just existed. As did I.

I was trapped looking on as Spencer barely lived his life. He boarded up the windows, only small beams of light coming into the once bright home we shared. He never left, never saw anyone. Then one day, he saw me. He hardly acknowledged me, blaming it his exhaustion. But then I appeared to him again, and again and again.

I drove him crazy. Bringing him to a state of insanity. He smashed all the mirrors. One by one as I appeared to him. The only one left was the large wall mirror in our shared bedroom. The one-room he never went in. That is until he heard my voice.

It was like a siren call beckoning him to me. When he finally gazed upon me, my figure was broken and cracked like the mirrors that he smashed. Like he was inside. When I smiled, he struck the mirror bringing it off the wall and crashing down onto him.

When he opened his eyes, he was trapped beside me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My family has always had superstitions about mirrors. Always cover the mirrors when someone dies. The family belief dates back generations. A belief that I now know is true.

#mirrors #creative writing #writing

22 notes · View notes

feralnumberfive · 3 years

Text

The Rewatch Academy: Episode 4 of Season 1

“Man on the Moon”

I am in no way a good analyst so my little analysis and speculations probably sound a bit goofy or pretty wild and probably mean nothing at all. Everything I put into this post about each episode is purely what I noticed or thought, whether it’s funny or serious. I will be making jokes, so please just leave it at that (in no way am I trying to make fun of an actor and or character!) I am also in no way saying I noticed this stuff first. This is just what I noticed while rewatching these episodes

☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂

1x01 | 1x02 | 1x03 |

☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂

☂ So at that point Luther had already been alone for about five years (due to his siblings leaving when they were 18 or even 17 according to Diego), and by alone I mean he did’t have his siblings with him. I’m not counting Reginald, Grace, or Pogo because I’d imagine they weren’t the best company. There was a two year gap between Luther getting the serum and then being sent to the moon. He had already been “alone” for five years before he was sent away to be completely alone for four years. He hasn’t had really any social/outside interaction besides going on missions for almost ten years, which means Luther is an awkward dude and he hasn’t been a true leader because he hasn’t had anyone to lead. I don’t think people really realize this and I think that’s where some of the hate towards him comes from

☂ We see that Luther looks into Allison’s and Klaus’s bedrooms as he makes his way down the hall, and I’m willing to bet he did that for all of his siblings. Makes me wonder how many times the siblings went to Five’s room to visit it or to even check with hope that he had come back

☂ I wish I could ride my bike around my house and chug a gallon of milk :[

☂ I can’t believe that Reginald still made him wear that leather battle suit 💀

☂ Why are there posters of animal anatomy in the infirmary?

☂ Apparently it takes between two to four months to grow a full beard, so that’s about how long Luther had been lying there

☂ *suffers through the Allison and Luther scene*

☂ “HoPe I wAsN’t BeInG tOo LoUd”

☂ Vanya and Leonard were really sweet in the beginning. Screw you Leonard

☂ It’s really sad that not one his siblings notice that Klaus is gone. Not. One.

☂ Are you telling me that Klaus and Five are certified freaks? At least I’m sure that’s who Cha Cha is referring to, or maybe it’s Luther

☂ I tried looking up tortures in Trinidad to see if Cha Cha was referring to any specific event, but I think it’s just a random thing in the show

☂ It’s only when Diego mutters “The boy” that it reminds him either of Five’s superhero name “The Boy” or his new appearance as a teen again so it finally clicks in his head that that’s who the mystery kid is

☂ Diego admitting that he doesn’t really know how to process his feelings!

☂ He’s very protective of his family and that’s something that I love about Diego. He doesn’t know who Hazel and Cha Cha are but all he knows is that they are searching for Five for some reason and that his siblings almost got killed last night

☂ Five doesn't realize the suffering that he’s putting his family through at this point since he’s only focused on finding who’s responsible for the end of the world. It’s ironic that he’s doing all of this to keep them alive and safe and yet him not being with them almost got them killed. Five buddy, you should have included all of your siblings from the start no matter how much they annoy you

☂ Also where has Five been this entire time? He left the van at night and now it’s the next morning. He’s been following the guy but why did it take him so long to corner him?

☂ Ope, and there’s a continuation error! When Luther takes his arm out of Five’s dresser, he takes part of the wood panel with him. When it cuts back to Diego talking there’s just a fist size hole

☂ “We barely got out with our lives.” Okay but where were you, Pogo?

☂ It’s funny how quickly they revert to child-like shame when Pogo scolds them. At least they still respect him I guess

☂ Is Hazel eating potato chips with ketchup?

☂ I think one reason why nobody notices that Klaus is gone is because none of them saw him that night during the attack. They possibly assumed he already had left the Academy??

☂ Looooove the “Shingaling” scene. They are straight up vibing

☂ I don’t know why Luther was frustrated with the van door being locked. It’s not like he could rip the door off or anything.......

☂ I have a two questions here:

Why did Diego know where to find Five based off of the book? Sure he saw that it came from the library, but that doesn’t mean that he’ll be there

Wouldn’t Luther and Diego have seen the smoke coming from the Meritech building? Unless they left immediately and weren’t able to see the smoke even though they probably were still in the vicinity when it began to burn

☂ Five is holding the man’s arm to make sure that he doesn’t get away (hard to tell in the pic below though). He needs that sense of security that this lead isn’t going to escape his grasp, but I’m sure that if he were to run he wouldn’t get far when you can just teleport after him

☂ I got a nice pic of Five (also the dude on the bike that was riding behind Five as he runs up in this shot just does not care that this building is on fire)

☂ When it shows Five on the ground, it at first starts off with light and slightly comedic music before it quickly switches over to something dramatic. I always thought it was funny that they play the light stuff as we see Five just laying there 💀

☂ You can see just how quickly Five’s face changes from shock to disbelief and disappointment as his only lead is literally blown away from him look, you can pinpoint the exact moment his heart breaks. Also Five definitely would have had hearing issues since we can see that the windows on the building behind him were shattered. He’s staring into your soul....

☂ There’s nothing really significant about this at all, but Whippets are racing dogs and in the comics Five goes to watch a dog race at one point

☂ “I hate sprinkles.” Hey, me too!

☂ I love that Griddy’s is still open despite the damage that was done to it

☂ Diego left home at 17 (which is illegal so I wonder if he was emancipated or maybe Diego ran away and Reginald didn’t care to look for him) so I wonder if the others left when they were 17 too or if they waited until they were 18

☂ Luther I don’t really think you’re one to talk about being “grown up” my guy. In fairness none of the Umbrellas know how to be fully functioning adults, not even Five who’s about twice the age of his siblings and is almost a senior citizen

☂ “I stayed because the world needed me.” Hey that was basically Five’s reason too, but more so for getting to see his family again. Anyways, like brother, like, uh, brother!

☂ "And things are never gonna go back to the way they used to be.” You sir just predicted the next week(s) (and technically years in the 60s) of your life and the lives of your siblings! This also applies for what happens after those weeks/years, but we haven’t gotten there yet but it’s certainly not the way things used to be!

☂ How was Luther upset enough that he wanted Diego to stop talking after he said something genuine and a bit sad?

☂ This whole relationship talk isn’t exactly relatable......

☂ He’s just chillin’

☂ Reginald can ✨perish✨ Oh wait, he already did

☂ Here I am taking any little scrap and running with it, but when Five says he’s going through puberty twice does that mean that he didn’t get his aging altered by The Commission? In the comics, Temps Aeternalis/Commission stopped Five’s aging but here it sounds like that didn’t happen. Since we haven’t heard anything about Five’s DNA in the tv show we don’t really know much about his aging alteration either. I think that they really do have to leave that part out due to Aidan himself, who is a growing teen, and for the fact that they would need to come up with an excuse for Five’s aging (Aidan already looks different in S2 and he’s taller too). I wish they would bring this stuff up in the show!

☂ Five deflects answering the question of what he’s the best at most likely just because he’s just distracted but also possibly because he doesn’t want his brothers to know at this point

☂ First the feral chimp smile and now this

☂ Five actually sounded serious when he was talking about how many people he has killed and how he’s the ”Four frickin’ Horsemen” which is more so an exaggeration but it still shows us that he views himself as dangerous and powerful. He revealed this to them while he was drunk, even though they don’t really understand, but I wonder if Five ever actually planned on telling his siblings what he did and how much blood he has on his hands. I feel like he would have told them after he had saved the world from the apocalypse, but yet again I could also see him brushing off questions in relation to what he just said to Luther and Diego to hide his past from his family

☂ ✨”Little Psycho”✨

☂ As eerie as all of those ghosts are, it’s a really neat scene

☂ It’s not really meant to be funny, but Klaus denying the duct tape just reminds me of a little kid refusing to go into timeout

☂ I guess Cha Cha got out through the door next to the bathroom when Klaus was banging his head on the table?

☂ It’s a shame that Patch died right away, I really liked her

☂ Klaus, where you’re going really isn’t any better

☂ It’s sweet that Diego puts Delores down gently and doesn’t just toss her somewhere. Even though she’s a mannequin, Diego knows that she means something to Five

☂ Well Luther I think it’s pretty self-explanatory what he meant. You just need more context

☂ Diego: *signaling that someone, possibly a threat, is approaching and to be alert*

Luther: 🕴👁`👄’👁

☂ Even if they did think that Klaus had left the Academy before Hazel and Cha Cha attacked it, it’s sad that it took them this long to think about him

☂ Luther patting Delores is so cute

☂ Say it with me kids, “Patch deserved so much better!”

☂ My heart breaks to see Diego so heartbroken and upset, especially when he says “I gotta go, okay? I can’t be here when they come, okay?” Ugh, that gets me

☂☂☂☂☂☂☂

Feel free to comment or reblog with things you have noticed too!

#tra #the rewatch academy #tua #the umbrella academy #umbrella academy #luther hargreeves #diego hargreeves #allison hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #number five #five hargreeves #ben hargreeves #vanya hargreeves #hazel and cha cha #eudora patch #reginald hargreeves #man on the moon

47 notes · View notes

bonnyskies · 4 years

Text

come back to me [eight] ⇢ jjk

you’re willing to do anything to save your marriage, even if that meant you’d have to sacrifice your own happiness to do so.

pairing — husband!jungkook x malereader, ft. ceo!jaehyun

genre — angst, sexual themes, idol au, exes to lovers-ish au, open relationship au, marriage au, parents au

series warnings — infidelity (kinda?), swearing, bisexual!jungkook, jealous!jungkook, insecure!reader, unhealthy relationship, unrequited love-ish, slow burn, use of alcohol, mentions of divorce problems, (more could be added in future chapters)

word count — 3.1k

author’s note — the last chapter before the hawaii arc, ladies and gentlemen.

masterlist

| ONE MONTH LATER |

‘Trouble in Paradise? BTS’s Jungkook seen earlier this week leaving divorce attorney’s office with his husband, Jeon {Name}.’

Just from reading the article’s title, you could already feel your blood begin to boil and your heart clench at the same time.

Many things have changed in your life over the past month. Jungkook and you have started to finalized your divorce, met with each of your lawyers, decided on the custody arrangement and child support—oh god, Minho.

When you both broke the news to him about the divorce he was devastated. Crying uncontrollably, tears sliding down his eyes and snot spewing out of his nose, begging for his parents to stay together. The sight truly broke you and Jungkook, but you two couldn’t do this anymore. Acting like the both of you were still together, pretending that you two were still happy wasn’t healthy for either of you.

The only thing that was left to do now was to sign the divorce papers, which both you and Jungkook have agreed on to do after the trip.

You just wanted all these troubles to be over with already—

“Appa,” you jumped at the sound of Minho’s voice, turning around to see your son standing in your bedroom’s doorway wearing his onesies. “Can we watch a movie tonight?”

“I’m sorry, pumpkin.” You approached him. “We have to get up really early tomorrow, so we can’t stay up late. Remember, we’re going on a big plane.”

Minho’s frown raised only slightly, “Is appa coming home tonight?”

The question made your heart stop completely. “I’m sorry, pumpkin.” Just from hearing those words come out of you, tears already began to form in his eyes and his lips started to tremble. The sight broke your heart.

“B-But,” his voice was quivering, “We always camp out in the living room before trips.” Some of the tears that glistened in his eyes escaped and slid down his chubby cheeks. And before you had the chance to wipe them, he was already pulling away, making your heart clench.

Slowly, you retracted your hands away from him and placed them by your sides. “How about we have some ice cream instead, yeah?” You smiled, but that immediately dropped when Minho shook his head and left your room without saying another word to you. And once you were alone, you couldn’t stop your own tears that has been slowly building up in your eyes finally escape.

That’s another thing that has changed. Jungkook moved out, and Minho took it hard. He thought—still thinks it’s only temporary, and it breaks your heart every time you have to remind him that it isn’t and see his teary eyes stare back at you.

Minho hasn’t been same since Jungkook left. He wasn’t happy anymore.

So you called the only person that can make him happy.

“Jungkook...?”

When hearing your soft, gentle voice, every ounce of exhaustion Jungkook was currently feeling instantly vanished.

“{Name},” Jungkook instantly sat up from the bed and leaned himself against the headboard. “Why are you calling me?—not that you can’t,” he quickly added, voice just below a whisper. “I’m just wondering.”

“Minho misses you,” was your only answer, simple and straightforward. “Could you come over? He’s sad that you aren’t here to do our traditions before the trip.”

Jungkook winced at the mention. He knew exactly what ‘traditions’ you were talking about. Every night before a trip, the three of you would have a movie night and sleep in the living room. Minho would choose the movie, you’d make the snacks and Jungkook would use any extra blankets to make a large tent.

Till this day, the image of both of your smiles was still burnt inside his mind, making his heart stammer heavily inside his chest every time he thought of those moments.

Just as Jungkook was about to answer you, another voice suddenly spoke up.

“Babe, who are you talking to?”

Jungkook froze, and judging from the small gasp he heard coming from your end of the line, he knew you heard the voice too.

Before Jungkook had the chance to say anything to you, the sound of your unsteady voice filled his ears. “You know what, it’s okay. Minho’ll understand that you’re b-busy. See you tomorrow.”

“N-No, wait—” Jungkook tried to speak, but it was already too late. You hung up on him.

Jungkook stared at his phone, fingers clenching around the small device as his eyes burned into the black screen. He didn’t realize how long he was staring at his phone until he heard Yeonha’s voice speak up behind him. “Baby, who was that?”

“It was {Name}.” Jungkook simply answered, climbing out the bed and slipping his clothes back on. “Minho needs me.”

“Are you sure it’s Minho that needs you?” Yeonha questioned, shifting herself onto her side, the bed’s thin sheets being the only thing covering her bare body.

Jungkook paused briefly, pulling his shirt back over his body before turning around to face her. “What’s that suppose to mean?”

“Come on, baby,” Yeonha rolled her eyes. “{Name} is obviously using your guys’ son as an excuse just for you to visit him—”

“Stop,” Jungkook interjected, shaking his head. “{Name} isn’t like that. Minho’s upset that I’m there to have a movie night with him, that’s all.”

“—and {Name},” she quickly added.

“I’m not doing this with you right now.” Jungkook sighed, walking over to the door.

“Then when can we, Jungkook?” She shouted. “You haven’t been the same since you started finalizing your divorce with {Name}.”

“What are you talking about?”

Yeonha sat up from her bed, “Ever since you and {Name} started making your divorce official you’ve become distant. You hardly talk to me unless I’m one that pursues you, you’re always busy at work, and when we do actually spend time together it’s like you’re not even there, like I’m talking to some stranger instead.”

Jungkook felt guilt suddenly flow through him. This is exactly how he treated you before everything, and here he was now, doing the same thing to Yeonha—the girl he left you for.

“Listen, I’m sorry.” Jungkook moved away from the door and sat down beside her, taking her hand and squeezing it reassuringly. “I’ve just been stressed a lot lately with the divorce going on right now, and also having to deal with my lawyer—”

“But isn’t this what you wanted?” Yeonha interjected, raising a brow and tilting her head.

Yes, was the first thing that came to his mind. But now, after experiencing the consequences that comes with a divorce, he wasn’t sure. When meeting with you to discuss agreements with your guys’ lawyers, he’s never seen you so—emotionless before. It was like you didn’t feel any ounce of care anymore. And it pained him to know that he was the reason for you being that way.

But that wasn’t even the worse part, breaking the news about the divorce to Minho was. He has dealt with his son’s tantrums before, but when learning that his two parents were separating, Jungkook has never seen him cry so much before. He can remember that day distinctly. The both of you were sitting on the living room’s couch with Minho on his lap, and when you two told him about the divorce he completely broke down. Tears were pouring from his son’s eyes, hands clawing at his chest, begging for his parents to stay together.

The sight of your guys’ crying son pained the both of you. But what broke you two was when you both tried to comfort him and he pulled from your grasps and ran away to his room, the sound of his heartbroken sobs echoing throughout the house.

For the rest night, you and Jungkook remained on the couch, neither of you speaking a word as tears glistened in both of your eyes.

Now that Minho knew, it was officially over.

Jungkook didn’t realize how long he was in his thoughts until he heard Yeonha’s voice again. “Do you love me?”

His eyes widened at her question, the sound of her trembling tone making his heart clench inside his chest.

“I care about you,” was his answer, giving her hand that he still held a gentle squeeze.

“But that’s not what I asked you, Jungkook.” Yeonha frowned, eyes brimming with tears as her hand’s grip began to loosen.

“Yeonha,” Jungkook tightened his grip on her hand before she had the change to pull away. “We’ve been dating for only two months. Don’t you think that it’s too early to be saying that?”

“When did you and {Name} say to each other?”

After the third date.

Jungkook didn’t have an excuse for that either.

His silence was enough to make a single tear fall from her eyes. “Will you ever love me as much as you loved him?”

“That’s not fair, Yeonha.” Jungkook stood up, clenching his jaw and rolling his eyes. The guilt he was feeling was now gone and replaced with frustration. “Me and {Name} were together for ten years, married for eight of that. It’ll take time for us to reach that level of connection—”

“Stop avoiding my questions!”

“What do you want me to say, Yeonha?” Jungkook snapped, eyes wide with irritation. “I’m sorry that my feelings for you aren’t as strong as they were for {Name} at the start but over time it’ll get there. I’ve just been with him longer so—”

“But they were strong enough for you to end your marriage.” Yeonha interrupted again, pointing out with an evident smirk on her lips.

Jungkook’s eyes hardened and his hands that were resting by his sides clenched into fists.

“Because if I remember correctly,” she thought aloud while tapping her fingers against her chin. “When we were on tour, you told me how you and {Name}’s marriage was failing and that the feelings you both had for each other weren’t the same anymore.”

Yeonha then stood up and approached him. “And I also remember how I was the one with you that night, comforting you while you were hurting.”

Jungkook stopped breathing, heart sinking at the reminder. “Stop—” he tried to mumble out but Yeonha was already continuing with a cocky smirk on her lips.

“How you kissed me that night,” she grinned widely. “Your lips were so soft, and how you held in me in your arms—”

“Stop!” Jungkook shouted, eyes flaring.

He remembers that night very clearly. You and him talked for the first time since he left for tour—which was exactly one month later. Which was suppose to be a calm, sweet phone call ended up being a screaming match between the both of you. The short conversion ended with you two hanging up on each other without saying a simple goodbye. Jungkook was hurt. The first time you two talk to each other and it ends in arguments. He wanted to forget the fight you both had so he decided to go to a bar and drink some alcohol, hoping that the burning sensation from various beverages going down his throat would help.

Jungkook wanted to go alone—but Yeonha joined him anyway, ignoring his protests. The rest of that night was a complete blur to him, but nonetheless, he still remembers kissing her very clearly. He just doesn’t remember what led up to that moment.

“I was drunk—we both were,” he spat.

“But you still kissed me regardless,” Yeonha smirked, leaning up on her tip toes and pressing her lips gently against Jungkook’s cheek.

Guilt flooded Jungkook’s veins. He just wanted to be alone that night, to bury himself in alcohol and forget about the stupid fight, forget about the harsh words the both of you spat at one another, or the tears that glistened in his eyes and mostly in your eyes too. He never intended to cheat on you.

Nobody knew about that night except for himself and Yeonha—not even his hyungs. He was just lucky that nobody took pictures of him with her.

Before he said anything, Jungkook suddenly felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. And when checking on it, he only saw that it was a simple reminder about his flight. But what caught his attention wasn’t the reminder, but his wallpaper instead.

It was a picture of you and Minho on his first day of kindergarten, him sitting on your lap with bright smiles on both of your faces. Jungkook was upset that he couldn’t attend his son’s orientation that day because of rehearsals, but you were quick to reassure him that it was alright and made sure to send him lots of photos of Minho. Some of the pictures were of him choosing his seat and cubbyhole for the year, and others were of him talking to some of the other students. Minho was such a social butterfly back then—back before everything went to shit.

And till this day, Jungkook still kept it as his phone’s background.

“Just admit it, baby.” Yeonha spoke up, tearing Jungkook from his thoughts. “If it wasn’t for me, you’d still be in that loveless marriage.” Her fingers ran slowly along Jungkook’s arm, making his jaw clench. If he wasn’t angry before, he definitely was now.

It wasn’t a ‘loveless’ marriage. You two just fought a lot, grew unhappy with one another. The love he had for you was still there, it just wasn’t the same or as strong anymore.

“I’ve got to go,” was the only thing Jungkook said before leaving Yeonha alone in her room, utterly speechless.

He didn’t want to say anything he’ll regret.

“What are you doing here?”

You stood there, frozen in place with your lips parted and eyes wide, staring at Jungkook who stood in front of you with his suitcase placed at his feet.

“You said Minho missed me,” was his only reply.

“But—” you were interrupted at the sound of another voice calling your name, causing you to turn around to see Cho walking down the stairs.

“{Name},” she shouts, “Have you seen Minho’s favorite plushie? He wants to pack it for Hawaii, but he can’t find it anywhere. He’s practically tearing apart his room right now trying to—” she suddenly pauses, eyes glaring and jaw tightening at the sight of Jungkook. “What are you doing here?”

“To see my son.” Jungkook answered bluntly, his soft eyes that were recently focused on you hardening when shifting towards Cho.

The two of them never got along, even before you and Jungkook’s marital problems started. She would always say how he wasn’t good enough for you, and that you shouldn’t waste your time on someone like him who won’t have enough time for you. It infuriated Jungkook.

You sighed, “I’ll go help him find it. Try not to break anything you two.”

Jungkook watched as you then walked away before entering the house with his suitcase at his side. As you left to go upstairs and help Minho, he was now left alone with Cho.

Luckily it wasn’t for long, because about ten minutes later Minho himself was running down the stairs and sprinting towards him with the widest grin Jungkook has ever seen on his face in a very long time, shouting “Appa!”

Jungkook caught him and lifted him in the air, peppering his chubby face with smalls kisses. The sound of Minho’s laughter made his heart flutter inside his chest. While entertaining his son with playful kisses and tickles, Jungkook was also unaware of the pair of eyes watching the heartwarming scene.

As you stood on the last step of the staircase, you couldn’t help but smile at the sight.

“I’m heading out,” Cho stood beside you, and before you had the time to interject she added, “You two have things to work out before tomorrow and I don’t want to intrude.”

You only nod. “Call me if you need anything.”

At the sound of a door closing, Jungkook tore his gaze away from Minho to see you standing beside the front entrance, alone, and when your eyes met it was like time stopped completely.

This is the first time you two are in the same room together since the fight. After that and him moving out, the only time the both of you would contact one another is when exchanging Minho between each other. And even then, neither of you would say anything to each other, only send a quick message of your location and that’s it.

As your eyes stared into his, you can’t help but feel inside your chest the heavy beating of your heart. It hurt how strong your heart was beating you from internally. It almost felt like everything was back to normal, when you’d get home from work late and find Jungkook and Minho playing in the living room. You would join them, of course, but that wasn’t the case anymore.

You can’t. You three aren’t a family anymore. You and Jungkook are just two single parents who just happen to have the same kid. If the three of you acted like one, the only thing you’d do would create hope for Minho, false hope that his parents would get back together again, which wasn’t happening.

“I’ll go make snacks,” you said before leaving, still feeling Jungkook’s eyes burning into your back.

Jungkook was different, was your first thought while watching the movie.

About an hour into the movie, you couldn’t help but notice the only time Jungkook would smile was whenever Minho would glance up at him. Other than that, he’d have this straight, emotionless look on his face that you couldn’t describe.

“Hey,” you spoke in a low whisper, careful to not bother Minho who was deepily focused on the movie. “Are you alright? You seem upset.”

Jungkook only shrugged, “It’s nothing. Yeonha and I just had some stupid fight, that’s all.”

“What was it about?”

You, was on the tip of Jungkook’s tongue, but chose to shake his head dismissingly instead. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You should’ve stayed with her,” you suggested. “This is your last night here before the trip. Don’t you think you should spend time with your girlfriend?”

“She knows that Minho is more important.” Jungkook’s words made Minho glance up at him and flash him a toothy grin, making your ex-husband smile back down at him.

“How about you?” Jungkook then asked you. “How are things going with you and Jaehyun? Is he alright with this trip?”

His question caused your breath to hitch. “We’re not seeing each other anymore.”

“Oh—” Jungkook’s eyes widen with curiosity.

“Yeah,” you smile awkwardly. “I told him that I’m not ready to date just yet and that right now I only want to focus on me and Minho. We both decided to just stay friends.”

Friends. That word mocked you. Even though Jaehyun was nothing but understanding when you told him about your decision, things still changed between the both of you. The two of you didn’t act like friends anymore, but instead treated each other like colleagues.

But perhaps this was for the best. You would much rather have a professional relationship with your boss rather than a romantic one with no real feelings.

Jungkook opened his mouth, noticing your guilt-filled expression, but no words were able to come out.

“I’m nervous for tomorrow,” you spoke up after a brief silence.

Jungkook sighed, “I am too.” He then held his hand out, making you stare at his open palm. “But we’ll get through this together.”

Hesitantly, you slowly laced your fingers with his and glanced at him with a small, soft smile, heart quickening at the feeling his hand squeezing around yours.

“Together.”

TAGLIST:

@xworldwidecutieguyx, @yoongis-soulmate, @jikookvfans, @heartfeltscribblings, @chrissfuk, @blazedprince, @btsfaris, @sonderkook, @angel-moni, @http-je0n, @magic-fox-555, @moonfairyjoon, @taozibun1, @ephemeralkookie, @thesquiglybumblebee, @httpjazel, @justqueerandhereforthetea, @dreamer95, @singabon-roll, @its-your-dreamworld, @fancykoos, @galaxyeyedjungkook, @nlnkm, @you-need-namjesus, @teuteusstuff, @moon-asia, @julia-pacheco-blog, @0minabean0, @pjmislovely, @polly-wifu, @foodismyboyfriendd

#bonnyskies #bts #bts angst #bts series #bts x reader #bts x male reader #jeon jungkook #jeon jungkook angst #jeon jungkook series #jeon jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook x male reader #jungkook #jungkook angst #jungkook series #jungkook x reader #jungkook x male reader #bts au #jeon jungkook au #jungkook au

260 notes · View notes

mikkomacko · 4 years

Text

Sweet As Honey 17

Harry's anxious again. Not in the excited kind of way that pumps him up before a fight, and not in the sick, nauseous way that hits him after he has a nightmare. This is new. Instead of fearing the past like usual, he's fearing the future. Because the future he sees is one he never imagined before. He likes it a lot more than the one he used to picture. Instead of endless nights in the ring and girls whose faces he'll never remember, he sees a house. A cute little two story house with a fenced in yard for a dog to run around in. Hopefully being chased by a baby or two. And on the front steps stands one girl who's face he'll remember for the rest of his life. It's y/n he sees, with a wedding band on her finger that twinkles in the sunlight as she scolds Harry for letting their babies get dirty right before dinner.

It's a nice dream, but Harry hates to break routine. Breaking routine means something unplanned has happened, something spontaneous. Something out of the blue. Like getting thrown out of your home on the night you were just supposed to be studying. It scares him. Terrifies him so much he can't sit still. Which is how he ended up sending a text to y/n telling her she didn’t have to come to his fight tonight. Because if she does they’ll end up celebrating after, her on his arm and showing him off to everyone in the bar. And he’ll go home with her and probably have sex with her, and he’ll keep doing it over and over again until he's got this whole new, unfamiliar routine. Until he undoubtedly falls in love with her while she sees him as just a hot boxer who's good company.

"Fuck," Harry curses, tears burning his eyes and throat. Not even two months ago he was arguing with her about her attendance at his matches, and now he's changing his mind. No not changing his mind, because he still wants her there, he just doesn't want what comes after. It's too much, too fast. He's falling in love with her way sooner than he ever thought possible.

Y/n: What are you talking about Harry? I already cancelled plans with Kate to go with you

He winces as he types out his response, knowing it's going to make him an asshole, but he can't think of anything else to say. It's like those dreams in which he's running on buildings and he knows he's going to reach the end and fall but he can't stop.

I don't know. Maybe ask her if she's still free? I just don't want you there tonight

Growling in frustration he throws his phone onto his bed, digging his elbows in his thighs until it hurts. He's got a headache building in his skull, pushing his fingers into his hair and squeezing until the knots send tingles across his scalp. He can't believe he just said that. He can't believe he lied to his y/n and in the worst way possible. It wasn't even a lie to protect her or keep her happy. It's a lie to keep him safe. Even with the regret squeezing around his heart he can't bring himself to apologize or take it back. Not even when her reply hurts more than the panic.

Whatever Harry. Don't call or text me. I don't want to be around you either right now

"Guess who's on baby watch today!" Harry cheers, scooping a bite of mashed bananas into Arlo's waiting mouth. Smacking his lips and letting out a refreshed sigh, Arlo parts his mouth for another bite, tongue falling sloppily to his chin.

"Meeeeeeee!" Y/n sings, dipping a celery stick into her blueberry yogurt and crunching loudly. Harry tries not to scrunch his nose up at her breakfast but it's hard. She's getting a lot of different and odd cravings this pregnancy as opposed to the ones with Arlo. All she ate then were burgers and hot chips. Now she's on a celery and yogurt kick, last week being the end of the artichoke rein, and of course she's still enjoying hot Cheetos, but now she eats them with cheese.

"Mumma's so loud, huh?" Harry whispers, turning his nose up at her as another crunch rings out. She sticks her tongue out at him and Harry’s dramatic gasp at the action makes Arlo giggle. “We’ll be nice though because she’s feeding our mate,” he feeds another bite between Arlo’s lips. “even if she does mean things like stick her tongue out at daddy.”

Arlo hums around another bite, eyebrows pinching together as he looks between Harry and y/n. Head tilted to the side thoughtfully, he settles on Harry. "Daddy."

A smile stretches across his face. "Tha's right bug." Arlo smiles proudly, accepting another bite. Sock covered toes kick Harry's knee when he takes a bite of the baby food, and Arlo's nose scrunches dejectedly.

"Oi!" Harry pinches his little foot, "share with me! M'the one that bought this!"

Arlo turns his cheek to the next bite, stubbornly not wanting the food after Harry’s eaten it. Sighing, Harry twists the lid back on the jar of baby food before rising from the table to put it away. Walking back to the high chair, Harry peels off Arlo's dirty pajama shirt, wiping his face clean with the stained fabric. Arlo grumbles and glares at him, pushing Harry's hands away.

"No!" Arlo shouts at him, eyes welling up with angry tears. By the time Harry's got him clean and the shirt in the laundry room Arlo's crying and trying to wiggle out of his seat. Harry picks him up, patting his back to soothe him but Arlo continues to squirm until Harry puts him down.

Frowning, Harry watches the bub waddle to y/n, arms reaching for her. She grins proudly, setting down her breakfast and happily scooping him up. He curls into her chest, dramatically wailing until y/n pecks his wet cheeks. "I know baby, m'sorry daddy's mean." She coos, pouting but her eyes shine with amusement when they briefly meet Harry's. "S'why you're my favorite boy."

Arlo sniffles, a pleased grin curling his mouth up as he looks over at Harry. Harry scoffs, glaring at Arlo like a child. The baby returns the look, nuzzling into y/n's shoulder as if trying to rub it in Harry's face that he's the favorite boy.

"Tha's not fair," Harry grumbles, crossing his arms over his chest. Y/n giggles, rising from her seat and adjusting Arlo to her hip. Harry continues to pout as she pads over to him, cupping his jaw with her free hand.

"You're my favorite man." She comforts, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth before heading towards the stairs. Harry's lips turn up, smiling proudly. That is until Arlo peers over y/n's shoulder at Harry and slurs just loud enough, "my mumma."

Today's going to be a long day for Harry.

Harry's fucked up. God he's so fucked up. And he feels bad, really he does, because he's ruined everything for y/n. He can tell by the forced smile on her face as she says goodbye to the last of the guests, a couple guys from the gym, before closing his apartment door behind them. She looks utterly heartbroken as she rips down the birthday banner from the ceiling and throws it to the ground, followed by the streamers. The front door of the complex opens, and Harry waits for his mates for disappear down the street before pushing up from the bench and dragging his feet into the building. The second floor is too short a ride, he thinks bitterly, stomach flipping with nerves. He feels shitty but he made this happen.

Y/n is stabbing at balloons with a knife from his kitchen when he opens the door, the loud pop making him jump. He hangs his hoodie and kicks off his shoes and avoids looking up at the party decorations that y/n is angrily destroying.

"Hi," he mutters quietly, standing in the entryway like a new visitor. A visitor in his own apartment because that's what y/n does. She comes in and she takes over everything he's ever known. She leaves her mark with every step. In every corner of the gym, on every bench by the ring, on every thread of his bed sheets, on every tissue of his muscles, on every fiber of his heart. Maybe that's what he loves most about her, her ability to take over. He's always had to be in control because when he's not he fucks up and does something stupid, but maybe it'd be a nice change in pace to just hand himself over to her. Not that he really gave himself the chance. As soon as he started to give into her, he took it all back and now he's hurt her.

'Better her than me,' he tries to remind himself when she comes to stand in front of him. She's wearing a pretty pink dress that she knows he loves, and she might even be wearing something prettier under it as well, but he's fucked up all chances at seeing it. His chest aches but he repeats his mantra. 'Better her than me.'

"You're late Harry," she says emotionless, arms crossing over her chest. "like three hours late"

He hums, scratching the top of his head as if he forgot. "S'really that late? Fuck me." The laugh that leaves her lips is cold and mocking.

"Yeah fuck you Harry," she steps close enough to shove something into his chest "you knew about tonight. I've been planning it since December and you just skipped it? Do you know how humiliating that was?"

She walks away from him, disappearing around the corner into his bedroom. Harry takes a minute to examine the "birthday boy" sash and party hat she threw at him. His knees tremble as does his resolve. He hasn't had a birthday party in years. Not since his father died and y/n knows that. That's why she went out of her way to throw one for him. "A good birthday memory for you baby," she had said back when he first told her about it, and he had blushed and accepted her tender kisses like a child in desperate need of attention. Or care. In desperate need of someone to care for him.

"I mean," he clears his throat when she comes back, her coat thrown over her shoulders. "s'just a birthday. My birthday. Not like I missed yours or anything."

She pauses, fingers freezing on the buttons of her jacket. "Are you serious Harry? Are you really fucking saying that to me?"

He shrugs, tossing the items in his hand onto the dining table. Trying not to look at the sash, he focuses on her.

“Is this some scheme for attention?” She sighs, and her shoe taps against his floor anxiously. She’s trying to hold herself back from yelling at him, and the thought makes him want to cry. Even when he’s hurting her, she won’t do the same to him. She really is too good for him.

"What are ya talking about?"

"You fight with me to go to your matches and then tell me you don't want me there. You complain about your birthday, and being the dumbass that I am, I care enough about you to try and actually give you a good day, and you don't even fucking care. After you practically sobbed at the sight of the invitation! What do you want from me Harry?" She's begun to lose her resolve, eyes watering and lip quivering. Her shouting actually gives away the hurt she was trying to hide from him, and he wishes he hadn't pushed her this far. He hates hearing her hurting especially when he's the cause.

Dropping his gaze to the floor, he gnaws at his bottom lip. He knows what he needs to say, what he needs to do. He's been thinking about it for a week and a half, but the words still get stuck in his throat. He should take it as a sign that it's because he doesn't actually want to say this. Instead he uses it as a reason to push himself. It hurts because she's come in a changed him. She's going to hurt him if he doesn't hurt her first. "I want to break up."

The silence that follows weighs heavy on his chest. Peering up through his eyelashes, fully prepared to see y/n crying or glaring at him, he bawks at the sight instead. She's not trembling with rage or melting with tears, no, she's smiling. A cruel, twisted smile but still beautiful. Harry looks up at her, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Isn't she going to yell at him? Scream? Hit him? Tell him to fuck off again?

"Is that really what you want Harry?" She asks softly, voice not matching the painful grin on her lips. He wishes he knew what she was thinking. He wants to know what part of breaking up has got her lips curved up because he feels like he just stabbed himself in the chest.

He opens his mouth to reaffirm his words but he's cut off by her. "Don't lie to me either Harry. I can handle you lying about not wanting me at your fight, but not this."

That lump is back in his throat, catching his lie and holding onto it for dear life. He doesn't want to break up. He wants to see her every day, kiss her before every fight, wake up next to her every morning. But he doesn't want to get hurt. He's so scared of being hurt, and now he's mad because of course she knows when he's lying. She already knows him better than anyone else does.

"Stop saying my name please." He requests quietly, because it hurts to hear it from her. It falls out of her lips comfortably, rings softly with a tenderness no one's ever spoken it with before, and he loves it. Love to hear her say it.

"Than stop running away from me."

He breaks a little at the truth, tears rimming his eyes and jaw clenching to keep from sniffling. She knows exactly what he's doing. She always knows, and he has no excuse so he stays silent. With a quiet sigh, she continues to button her coat and throw her purse over her shoulder. Her footsteps echo throughout the apartment as she walks over to him, stopping a few inches from being in his arms.

"I just want you to be happy Harry," there's his name again, sounding so loving in his ears "so you come find me when you're miserable, okay?" Harry's knows that's exactly what he'll do but he denies it, shaking his head softly. "You better have a really good apology too." Her lips press a soft kiss to his cheek, free hand cupping his jaw for a mere second. Then she's walking around him, slipping out of the door, and leaving him by himself.

With a cement-like weight on his ankles, Harry drags his feet to his bedroom, crumbling to his knees with sobs as he takes in the room. She's decorated it with dozens of candles and roses, petals sprinkled romantically on the bed. Sitting among the forgotten petals, Harry can't help but think about how much he loves her.

Gemma is really nice to be around. With Harry and Anne gone, and the tension of trying to keep everything civil forgotten, y/n realizes that she could be really good friends with her. Maybe even actual sisters. And she really loves Arlo.

“I can’t believe how much he looks like Harry.” She breathes out, shaking her head in disbelief. Arlo, who was walking circles around the coffee table, freezes, looking around expectantly after recognizing his father’s name. His disappointed frown falls on y/n when no sign of Harry comes up, and he's stumbling over to her with his arms outstretched.

"It's a bit freaky huh?" She laughs, lifting Arlo up onto her thighs. He squishes as close as he can to her, his tummy pressing into her swollen one and head dropping against her chest.

Gemma nods, smiling softly at the little boy. His frown deepens, dramatically whimpering and turning to hide his face. "Harry used to do that too," she comments "but with our dad. He was always really clingy and attached to our mum. He'd whine and be grumpy whenever we were left without her."

Y/n strokes her fingers over Arlo's little back, giggling when he shivers and gurgles into her tee-shirt. "This one's always a little grumpy," y/n says, "even when he's with Harry. If Harry does something he doesn't like he'll be so hurt with him."

"Really?" Gemma asks, eyebrows raising in surprise. "I didn't think Arlo could ever be mean to Harry."

"He likes to guilt trip him," she explains, goosebumps rising on her skin when Arlo's tiny fingers begin to rub over her belly, tickling her. "Like the day after fights if Harry's a little beat up Arlo gets mad and will fight with him when he tries to ice bruises and stuff. He's getting into a hitting phase now so he'll smack Harry too."

"And then give him those big green eyes huh?"

Giggling, y/n nods. She thinks Arlo's realized how affected Harry is by his baby having his eyes and he definitely uses it to his advantage. There's a reason Arlo's been eating nothing but bananas and peas this week and it's that puppy look he's perfected.

"Speaking of Harry's fight," Gemma clears her throat quietly, "do you think it'd be okay if I brought someone to the match tomorrow?"

Taken aback, it takes y/n a moment to respond. "Of course. I think Harry would love that actually." He'll feel like Gemma's showing him off, bragging about him and y/n knows that will really make him happy. "Who is it? If you don't mind me asking?"

Gemma's cheeks blossom pink, and her lips curve up shyly. "This boy that lives in the building with us. We've talked a few times and I really want to ask him out. Heard him mention how much he loves sports so I figured this would be cool."

Y/n can't help but beam, being a hopeless romantic. There's just something so sweet about seeing someone blush over their crush. She's about to grill her for more questions when the baby presses against her tummy, wiggling around and Arlo let's out a shocked grumble. His head flies up from where it was resting on her, eyes wide and curious as he glares at her belly.

"That's the baby Arlo," she tells him, peeling up her shirt so he can press his hands against her skin. Tentatively, he rubs his fingers into his brothers temporary home, tilting his head when he feels more movement. "he's just saying hi."

"Oh that's so darling." Gemma mumbles, giggling when Arlo presses his face into y/n's belly and grunts nonsense at the baby. This time he doesn't move away when the baby kicks at his palm, instead just mumbles again. Then he looks up at y/n, nose scrunched up in annoyance.

"Baby." He murmurs to her, struggling a bit on the a, but still pronouncing the word Harry's been working on with him for a few days. She's not sure if he's letting her know that there's a baby in there or if he's complaining about the baby, but either way she leans forward to kiss his nose. Just like Harry does when she kisses him on his nose, he shivers and then the pinch on his nose melts away and he smiles at her.

"You better not be complaining mister," she warns him, "because daddy will be so hurt if you get mad at him for this." Gemma laughs, and Arlo gurgles, and y/n hopes Harry's feeling as happy as she is.

It's weeks before Harry can drag himself to y/n's apartment. He told himself to stop counting the days since he last saw her, yet he knows it's been exactly 17. 17 days of him sitting like a corpse in his apartment, doing the bare minimum at the gym, and doing even worse at fights. He got used to seeing her at them and knowing she wouldn't ever be back unless he went to get her really threw him off. After losing three fights, the latest of which actually ended in him blacking out, he knows he was stupid to break up with her because it hurts a lot more to not have her with him than it would if she broke his heart.

Which is how he found himself on Saturday afternoon in front of her apartment door, sitting on the doorstep because she's not home and she hasn't answered his calls or texts. Fifteen minutes of knocking and pleading for her to open the door, followed by her neighbor popping out to tell him to shut up because she went out, and he's been huddled against the wooden door for about a half an hour, shivering in the cold.

It feels like a mirage when he finally spots her climbing the cement stairs, head shooting up to look at her and his sore neck prickles in pain. She's wrapped up in the same coat she was wearing the night of his birthday party, a maroon beanie he used to steal from her on her head, and a pair of knee-high boots that echo throughout the platform. Harry scrambles to his feet, stumbling when his eyes go temporarily black and his head pounds.

Her eyes meet his, and if she’s surprised to see him, it doesn’t show. "You look awful." Is her greeting, eyeing the split above his eyebrow and the dark bruises littering the expanse of his face. Harry takes the cardboard pizza box from her hands, the warmth of it's contents soothing his frozen fingers.

"Had my ass handed to me last night," he murmurs in explanation, grateful when she finally gets her door open and let's him follow her in. Even after how terribly he treated her, she's still willing to let him in. "deserve it though." He closes the door behind him, toeing off his Nike's in a hopeful move that she'll let him stay long enough to not need them.

Y/n makes a noise of agreement, removing her jacket and beanie and tossing them into a heap on the couch. She fits herself into a chair at the small dining table, unzipping her boots and Harry takes that as a chance for him to set the pizza on the wood top and sit next to her. Once her boots are off, she leans back and crosses her arms over her chest, waiting.

Harry can't bring himself to look at her as he speaks. "I got scared," he admits shyly, "and I know that's not excuse to hurt you but I didn't know what else to do."

"You could've just talked to me," she replies, her previously emotionless tone opening up to show hints of compassion. Harry frowns, upset at how easy it sounds. Speaking. Simple. Actually doing it? Not so much. Y/n must sense this, because she changes the subject. "What were you scared of Harry?"

He knows the answer to this. He's practiced it all day knowing he'd need it to win her back. "How I feel about you." Glancing up at her, he’s relieved to see a bit of warmth radiating off of her. Fueled by her understanding, he continues. “I can’t stop thinking about you. You’re on my mind every minute of everyday. And night.

“I can’t even fight anymore without you there. If I’m not fighting for you, what’s the purpose?” Y/n has uncrossed her arms, leaning forward on her knees to be closer to him.

“Because it’s something you love.”

Harry shakes his head. “Not like you. Got my ass kicked last night because I couldn’t stop looking for you. When I didn’t find you I just gave up.” In a bold move he tentatively reaches out for her hands, eyeing her for any signs of discomfort. Her gaze remains warm as he intertwines their fingers.

"Is that why you're here?" She asks incredulously, "To give you?"

Harry immediately shakes his head, scooting closer to the edge of his seat to be near her. "M'here to fight for you. I made a mistake, a big one, and I want to take it back. I want you back...if you'll have me." He doesn't shy away from her intense stare, ignoring the nerves fluttering around his stomach. He can trust her, he doesn't need to hide from her. "I won't ever hurt you again, I promise darling."

"Pain is a part of life Harry," y/n murmurs as her hands release his to cup his face. "it's going to happen whether we want it to or not. We're going to hurt each other but it doesn't have to be heartbreak and it doesn't have to mean the end of us.

"We'll fight, and we'll piss each other off, and we'll hurt each other, but you're the only person I want to fight with."

His heart leaps in his chest, and despite how hard he tries to stop it, his lips curl up. "You still want me?"

Y/n presses a sweet kiss to his lips, not protesting when he swiftly pulls her into his lap. "I'll always want you Harry Styles. Always."

One truth. One honest truth. Harry feels like he has a million but they all get caught in his throat when he tries to speak. He just needs one though, one that'll make him feel a little less heavy.

Dr. Wells waits patiently, a kind smile on his lips while Harry racks his brain for something meaningful. It's Anne's fidgeting next to him that finally spikes his thought process. Clearing his throat, he eyes her out of his peripheral vision.

"I feel like I can't trust you."

The words hang heavy in the air, but Harry doesn’t regret them. He already feels lighter, relieved to have finally admitted it to her face. Letting out a pleased sigh, he relaxes back into the couch, unable to stop the tiny smile pulling at the corner of his mouth.

Anne nods, looking to Dr. Wells for help. “Very good Harry,” he compliments, “Anne, trust is very important to Harry. I believe the first step to him welcoming anyone into his life, is absolute trust. If you would even like to hope at healing the relationship with him, you need to show him that he can trust you.”

Anne murmurs something else and Dr. Wells expands on his statement about Harry as if he weren’t there. He doesn’t mind it though. It gives him time to detach, to just think. Trust. How did he learn to trust again? He thinks of Nick, who fed and housed him. Liam, who trained and supported him. And y/n, who’s always loved him, mended him after fights, held him when he cried, stood by him when he felt like he was falling. Reliable. He’s always been able to rely on them. Even when he did all he could to push them away, they stayed with him.

His heart sinks to his stomach at the revelation, dejectedly looking at Anne. He trusts those that stand by him, even in his lowest moments. And she didn’t do that. She left him when he needed her. No matter how much he wants to trust her, he doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to.

For some reason, that insight takes more off his chest than his truth did.

Y/n's fingers are familiar and soothing as they stick tape around his knuckles. Harry watches her fondly, elbows dug into his thighs that are parted around her own. Liam and Nick are chatting behind her, but Harry can't bring himself to listen. Placing a delicate kiss to his pinky, she moves to grab his other hand. Harry flexes his fist, testing out the tape and nodding in approval when he realizes it's been perfected. Not that he'd expect anything less from her.

"Feels like it's been awhile since we've been here." Y/n says softly, eyes meeting his for a brief second through her eyelashes. "Just you and me."

Harry smiles cheekily. "And our unborn child of course."

She chuckles. "Of course," tearing the tape around his middle finger, she smooths the edge down "but you know what I mean."

Harry does know what she means. Despite Gemma and Anne being gone for a few weeks, they've had few moments where it felt like Harry and y/n again. Nodding, he pulls his hand from her hold, cupping her jaw tenderly. Pads of his thumbs brushing over the soft skin of her cheeks, Harry whispers, "I love you so much, ya know that?"

Y/n wraps her fingers around his wrists, pressing her lips against his inner forearm. "I love you just as much, if not more Harry." He leans forward to slot his lips against hers, their kiss being brief but lingering, even after they've separated. "And m'so fucking proud of you."

His lips curl up cockily, eyes twinkling, and if it weren't for the weight of the wedding rings around her neck and his baby in her stomach, she'd be back in the day they first met. "Mm how proud of me?" Harry whispers teasingly, nosing along her jawline. "Gonna show me? Show me how good I am?"

"You know how good you are."

Her words pull a deep chuckle out of his chest, pulling back to grin boyishly at her. "Could use a reminder darling." Simpering she pecks his mouth and cheeks, working her way up his jaw until her lips brush his ear.

"You're gonna have to earn it."

Harry's eyes flutter shut, eyebrows knitting together almost painfully and his fingers dig into her waist. "Yeah?" He murmurs gruffly, "gonna make me show off for you darling?"

She hums, vibrations tickling his sensitive skin. "You used to love showing off for me baby-"

"Still do." He cuts in, chuckling.

"and there's a big crowd out there. Show them who's the best, Harry. And then I'll spend all night reminding you."

A shiver runs up his spine, Harry blinking heavily and a tremor in his breath when y/n pulls back, smiling sweetly at him. "I am the best, huh?"

"Always."

He gives her that shit eating grin, contrasting the wicked curl of his mouth with a tender kiss to her forehead. "Should get out there," he mumbles, "gotta make sure I'm good enough to take home the prettiest girl in this joint."

Y/n nods, and Harry rises from the couch, taking her hand as he pulls her up from the coffee table. He locks their fingers together, pulling her towards the door but she tugs him back. Looking over his shoulder at her, he quirks a confused eyebrow.

"You're more than good enough Harry."

Y/n loves Gemma's date, so much so that she's considering inviting him to every match rather than Gemma herself. From the moment y/n joined them in their seats as Harry took the ring he's had this explosive energy that typically isn't present at these matches. He shook her hand with a beaming smile and a quick rush of "Nice to meet ya love, I'm Niall! Heard a lot about that Harry of yours! Saw him on TV once..." and he's been chatting about Harry ever since. Not that she minds of course. She loves talking about Harry.

And she's not the only one enjoying Niall's hype. By the way Harry's fighting, bouncing on his toes, ducking and diving around his opponent with ease, throwing hits packed with more strength than she's seen from him in awhile, she knows that Harry's buzzing from the praise. Every move he makes earns some shout or cheer from Niall, who then either high fives or lightly chest bumps y/n. Of course their celebrating brought Nick to his feet as well, hollering at Harry as well. And the rest of the crowd followed, including Gemma and Anne.

She knows Harry's buzzing with it. She can feel it radiating off of him, pulsing through his veins as he moves around the ring with grace. Like usual, he lives for the praise, the smirk on his face growing with every holler of his name. Harry gets his opponent pinned in the corner, rapidly firing punches against the man's shielding arms. Over the man's shoulder she can see Harry's face, flush cheeks and creased forehead lined with sweat. The chant of his name grows louder, rattling the stands as Harry's hit grow even more ferocious. Hands clasped in front of her, gnawing on her lip in excitement, y/n is bouncing with nerves when Harry catches the man's jaw, sending him to the ground in a heap of bruised and sweaty limbs.

The crowd around her is deafening, and through the chaos of Niall and Nick wrapping her in a hug while they sob with pride, she meets Harry's pleased gaze and smug smirk. Even when the ref throws Harry's fist into the air, his eyes remain on her, always on her.

#sweet as honey #harry styles #fanfic #fanfiction #fluff #harry styles au #dad harry styles #daddy harry #boxer harry styles #boxer harry #husband harry styles #husband harry #angst #one direction #harry styles imagine #harry imagine

503 notes · View notes

sidespart · 4 years

Text

Sibling Culture

Summary: Younger siblings Patton, Virgil and Roman share some stories about their older siblings Deceit, Logan and Remus. Patton and Virgil’s stories are cute. Roman’s are not.

Warnings: Abuse, Unsympathetic Remus, Non graphic descriptions of abuse, Not great understanding of mental health issues (child POV), authority figures not being very useful, child being exposed to sexual situations (very much not graphic). Ask if you want me to add more.

Relationships: Gen, but a bit of pre-relationship moxiety snuck in because I love them

“Hey, how’d you get that scar?”

Despite the warm day, Roman felt cold grip his insides, twisting upwards towards his throat and freezing any denial he could think of until he was startled by a laugh from Patton.

“Oh! It was Dee’s fault.”

Wincing, Roman twisted himself so he could see the other two properly. Patton was still sprawled out on the grass next to him, but Virgil had sat up. He was hunched over, peering at Patton’s leg. When he saw Roman carefully sit up to join him he pointed at a faded sliver of a scar, just above Patton’s left knee.

“What did he DO?” Virgil face had shifted into a scowl at the mention his ‘arch enemy’ but that faded quickly as Patton started giggling.

“It was when I was …four? I think? He convinced me the Easter Bunny didn’t come to our house because the Easter Fox lived in our yard. I had to go out and patrol the yard, make sure it was safe, or I wouldn’t get any candy that year.”

-It said something about years of friendship with both Patton and Devin Sanders that neither Roman or Virgil thought to question that logic-

“Anyway he let me stomp around there for ever and then he jumped out in this fox mask to scare me!”

“This kind’ve thing is why he’s a dick” Virgil muttered. His hand, Roman noticed, was still on Patton’s leg, thumb swiping idly over the scar.

“He was nine, Vee” Patton said reprovingly, although he didn’t actually deny the comment, “anyway, he didn’t know I’d snuck a knife from the dishwasher-

“You WHAT?-”

“A KNIFE?-”

“-there was candy AND a bunnys life a stake, guys I was taking it seriously!” Patton’s eyes were sparkling with laughter at the twin looks of horror on his friends faces. “Anyway, he startled me so bad that of course I dropped it right away – sliced my knee up as it fell.”

“oh my God” Virgil groaned finally relinquishing Patton’s leg so he could bury his face in his hands. “That could have been so bad Pat.”

“what did Devin do?” Roman asked quietly.

“oh, he freaked – Virgil will you come out of there I’m fine – yelled so loud both our parents came running. Then, once I was all bandaged up, he tried to convince them I fell off a skateboard.”

That was enough to make Virgil peak through his fingers, a frown on his face “Did you ever even own a skateboard?”

Patton shifted himself so he was sitting up as well, an extremely solemn look on his face.

“We did not.”

There was a brief, pregnant pause before all three of them cracked up, their laughter echoing across Vigil’s yard.

“Older brothers are the worst.” Virgil pronounced. Despite the heat of the day he was still wearing his thick hoodie over a t-shirt and jeans, but now he started pushing up his right sleeve “Did I ever tell you about the time Logan threw me out of the tree house?”

“He what??!” Roman yelped.

“He would NEVER!” Patton gasped.

“He did” Virgil held his right arm up, revealing a long puckered line that ran from his mid forearm across his elbow. “It was before either of you moved here, I had a cast and everything”

All three of them took a moment to admire Virgil’s scar, much more raised and defined than Patton’s, before Roman asked the question they were no doubt all thinking:

“What colour was your cast?”

“Purple.”

“Nice.”

“Did Logan really push you Virgil?” Roman had to do his absolute best not to laugh at the pout that appeared on Virgil’s face when he took in Patton’s heartbroken expression.

Logan McAlister, was four years older than the three friends and Patton had fixated on him the moment they’d met. Roman has spent years watching Patton go from hero worship to puppy love to full blown crush all while Virgil stomped along next to him like a gloomy, jealous, storm cloud.

Not that Virgil would ever admit that it was jealousy making him snap and snarl at his brother whenever his friends came around…but their relationship certainly seemed to become more civil once Patton had gotten over his crush.

Roman couldn’t really blame Patton either. Virgil had never said anything and Logan…Logan was cool.

“He built a plane.” Virgil muttered eventually, shoving his sleeve back into place. “or a glider or…something. A box with a sheet stuck too it anyway. We both sat in it and he pushed us out of there.” He pointed towards the somewhat dilapidated tree house nestled in the tallest tree in the yard.

Roman let out a low whistle. Now that the three of them were quickly approaching seventeen they had physically, if not mentally, started to outgrow the tree house. Which meant it was no longer useful for much beyond lying down almost on top of each other during study sessions or lazy afternoon naps. When Roman had first met Virgil at age ten however it had seemed enormous. And very high up. It would have seemed even higher whenever the Ill-fated glider attempt had happened.

‘Were you scared?” he asked, watching Virgil carefully, but the other boy just shrugged.

“I don’t remember much to be honest. We were both pretty small.” He grinned. “I just remember afterwards. Logan kept coming into my room to sneak me chips and read his Physics text book to me”

“Aww! That so sweet!”

“Such a nerd.”

“Yeah.” Virgil ducked his head a little, apparently agreeing with both statements. He plucked a few strands of grass from the lawn, twisting them between his fingers.

Roman glanced at Patton, concerned. They both knew Virgil missed his brother, away at college and not due for a visit for at least a month. They also knew that asking him directly about it was a guaranteed way to get the emo to tense up.

Just as Roman was debating launching himself into a rendition of Black Parade as a distraction Virgil rolled his shoulders a looked up at him.

“Your turn.”

That cold grip he’d felt when he thought Virgil had noticed one of his scars was suddenly back ten fold.

“Oh…”

That made sense. Patton had shared a dumb sibling story. Then Virgil. Now it was his turn. It was only fair.

“Well…”

Roman was suddenly finding it quite difficult to breath. And to think. What was he supposed to tell them?

“I…”

He sat frozen. While two expectant faces stared at him, he racked his brain for a story to tell.

When they’re seven Roman draws out his first story. Crude renderings of superheroes and scientists and scientist-superheroes in the rainforest. it’s boring Remus complains when he sees it. You’re boring Ro’. Make them fight! No - make ‘em smash that guys head in!

No! Roman shouts and Remus scowls. Grabs at the craft scissors lying on the table and jumps towards Roman; trying to both rip the paper out of his hands and cut it to pieces at the same time whilst Roman screams and screams.

Later, their mother gently cleans the tiny scratches on Romans hand whilst Remus sulks at the table. He started it Remus mutters and Roman feels his mothers arms tighten around him. Protective.

When they’re nine they get taken on a trip to the public pool in the next town. This pool is bigger than their local one with slides and pool toys and jets. The two of them spend a happy hour chasing each other with pool noodles and racing each other in the water. And then Remus pushes Romans head underwater and holds him down until his lungs are burning so badly he opens his mouth. He spends their last precious minutes of the trip hacking and spluttering. Clinging to the pools edge with his brothers laughter ringing in his ears.

When they’re eleven Remus sneaks into his room at night with their fathers laptop tucked securely under his arm. Wakes Roman up by crashing onto the bed next to him and says look what I found!

Roman isn’t really sure what he’s found at first. The sounds off, presumably to avoid alerting their parents in the room next door, the websites unfamiliar – it takes a few seconds for the pulsing blobs to be recognisable as people and when they do YURGHH! Roman shrikes slams the laptop closed whilst Remus howls with laughter what were they doing to that woman?!

what were they – oh my god your such a pussy Roman don’t you know? Let me show you another one-

Roman kicks and punches and shoves trying to get Remus away from him and Remus is laughing laughing laughing until he isn’t. Until their parents are in the room, shouting, trying to separate them and Remus is using the laptop like a bludgeon, slamming the edge into Romans ribs, each hit punctuated with Why! Do! You! Ruin! Everything!

The next day Virgil asks if he wants to come and play in the tree house and Roman says no. He has to be home early. Visitors. Virgil accepts the lie easily and Roman tries not to breath to deeply.

The thing is you cant blame Remus. You’re not allowed. Not really.

There’s something wrong with him.

What that something is seems to change often depending on which adult you ask. Every few months their parents bring Remus back from a new therapist with a new diagnosis and a new bottle of pills and big grins because THIS time they’re going to fix him.

When they’re twelve Romans mother smiles at him and says Your such a good boy Roman. You keep me going. Their mother doesn’t smile much these days and the sight of it is almost as good as the praise. I know its hard. It must be so frustrating for you.

Last month Remus had convinced an older boy to gift him a box of cigarettes. That morning he’d found them again and finally tried to smoke them, recruiting a reluctant Roman to keep watch. When he’d gagged on the taste he’d made exaggerated vomiting noises before stuffing the still burning end into Romans palm.

But we’re all in this together. You know?

Roman knows. He wants to help. He decides that unless the injury is bad enough he can’t fix it himself he simply wont tell his parents. He wants to help keep them going.

When they’re thirteen Remus watches some murder mystery show and decides to burn his fingerprints off on the kitchen stove. We should do yours too! Shoving his mangled thumb under Romans nose. The smell makes Roman gag. Remus’ eyes are fever bright. We could be partners in crime!

When they’re fourteen Remus decides he wants white streaks in his hair. And since they’re twins Roman should too. His attempt to bleach Romans hair as he sleeps leads to ruined sheets and a smattering of chemical burns across his neck and shoulders. He tells Patton it was a cooking accident and invests his saved allowance in jackets with high starched collars.

When they’re fifteen he tells someone.

Their school has an assembly. Some outside company performing a play about abusive relationships. The teachers all have their sombre This Is A Serious Topic Don’t You Dare Laugh faces on as the actors work. Roman watches closely, picking up on all the false steps and poorly delivered lines which he would surely have avoided if he was an actor. The story is about a school girl who gets into a relationship with an older man who turns abusive. All throughout the play she drops increasingly massive hints to her friends and family who blithely ignore her until she dies spectacularly and loudly in the final scene.

On one side of Roman, Patton is fully sobbing. On the other Virgil is quite possibly asleep. The actors come out to a smattering of applause (lead overly enthusiastically by Patton) and launch in to a pre-prepared speech. Remember the signs! Tell a parent or teacher if you’re in trouble! If you suspect your friend is in trouble! Abuse can happen to anyone! Abusers can BE anyone!

Huh. Roman thinks afterwards.

He probably doesn’t count if it’s a sibling though.

Remus isn’t a stranger. Like the man in the play. And they’re the same age.

Still.

The next day he feels like he’s in a trance.

He takes his jacket off in his first class. Art. Pat and Virgil aren’t in this class with him. Better that way.

There are bruises on his forearms. Dark splotches which are so so obviously made by fingers.

He waits. One minute. Two.

Roman! His teacher is in front of him, faster than he anticipated, alarmed look on his face. What happened to your arm?

Stay in the trance. No shaking. M-my brother did it. He wanted the TV remote.

A pause that seems to last and hour and then his teachers’ laughing a shaky laugh. Smiles at him exasperated but fond. Roman aren’t you two a little too old to be roughhousing like that?

Right

It doesn’t count.

You can’t be abused by a sibling. A few cuts, bruises, scars – that’s just sibling culture baby. Virgil and Patton have stories too – you don’t see them freezing up. Complaining

Don’t be a pussy Roman.

He puts his jacket back on and keeps it on for the rest of the day.

When they’re sixteen Remus comes home for the weekend, sits at the kitchen table and asks if Roman wants to hang out.

-Remus goes to a special school for behaviourally challenged students and only comes back every other weekend. Their parents cried when he left. Thought they’d failed. Felt devastated. Roman didn’t feel much of anything and wonders if that makes him a bad person-

Remus is calmer these days but Roman still says no. He has plans with his friends. Oh yes. Remus rolls his eyes Paddington Bore and the Virgin.

Roman glares at him. Don’t call them that. Even though that’s basically affectionate, for Remus. And Remus looks at him for a long moment before nodding. Standing up, shoving the table hard into Roman’s hip leaving him gasping in pain.

By the time he’s limped his way to Virgil’s house the sun is high in the sky. Patton suggests lazy nap time in the tree house and just looking at the ladder makes Roman want to vomit.

It’s such a beautiful day Padre he crys, lets lie amongst the wildflowers like the majestic forest nymphs we are.

Its literally just grass Virgil sighs but Patton laughs and Roman lowers himself stiffly down. Carefully keeps the pain out of his face as his hip makes contact with the ground. Turns away from them whilst he grits his teeth through it, ostensibly napping until Virgil says

Hey, how’d you get that scar?

“Roman?”

Virgil and Patton were both staring at him. Shit Roman thought. How long had he been day-dreaming? Day-reminiscing? Day-

“Earth to Roman.” Patton again, there was crinkle of concern between his eyebrows and that wouldn’t do at all.

“Well-“ Roman boomed in his best dramatic bellow, what Virgil call his ‘Prince Roman’ voice: “I am afraid I will have to disappoint you my friends, twins are not bound by your foolish ‘older sibling’ ‘younger sibling’ stereotypes”

“I mean, technically, one of you is the older sibling” Virgil muttered while Patton laughed “you’re seriously telling me neither of you ever did something dumb and got the other one hurt?”

“Virgil Madelaine McAlister-“

“Not my middle name.”

“-I will have you know that I have never done anything dumb. Ever. In my life!” he punctuated that statement with a dramatic point to the heavens. Patton was now laughing hard enough that Roman was fairly sure he should be offended and Virgil was fighting a smirk.

“You really never fight?”

“We’re a united front.” Drop it, drop it please just drop it he chanted internally.

And then, miracle of miracles, Virgil did. Letting himself flop back to the ground with a soft ‘humph’.

“It must be nice to have a twin” Patton said a little wistfully. Careful he arranged himself back on the ground so his head was cushioned on Virgil’s stomach. “you’re basically born with a ready-made friend!”

“And you get to do everything together” Virgil murmured a faint blush on his face and one hand hovering in the vicinity of Patton’s hair. “No one has to get left behind when one goes off to college.”

Roman glanced down at him, worried, but Virgil just met his gaze softly, one side of his mouth pulling up into one of his rare sweet smiles. “You’re so lucky Roman.”

Roman nodded. Ignored the quick flare of pain in his hip as he laid himself back down in the grass. He let out a contented sigh as the warmth of the ground sunk into his bones, soothing the ache

“Very lucky.” He agreed quietly.

#roman sanders #remus sanders #patton sanders #virgil sanders #unsympathetic remus #creativitwins #angsty not helathy creativitwins #fic #lockdown induced procrastination efforts #moxiety if your squint #like you dont have to squint hard #literaly never written fic before but why not is quarentine rules baby #my fic #sidespart writes

581 notes · View notes

danny-chase · 3 years

Photo

Breaking a Promise - Read on AO3

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Titans (Comics), Nightwing (Comics), The New Titans (Comics) Rating: Mature Warnings: Major Character Death Relationships: Dick Grayson/Koriand'r, Dick Grayson/Joseph Wilson Characters: Dick Grayson, Koriand'r (DCU), Joseph Wilson Additional Tags: tw for self harm, Dick Grayson Needs a Hug, Angst, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Canon Divergence, emotional breakdown, Broken Bones, description of injury, star crossed lovers, Flowers, Canonical Character Death, it's Joey guys, I'm Sorry, Swearing, lot of f bombs, POV Dick Grayson, Dick grayson centric, Dick Grayson is bi, Dick Grayson is Bad at Feelings, Dick Grayson is Discowing, Dick Grayson Needs Therapy, Dick Grayson Whump, Angst with a Hopeful Ending, a little bit of fluff near the top, Gardening, when your gf is poly and ships you with someone else, Heartbreak, Heartache, no beta we die like -sobs- Joey, Hurt/Comfort, and then hurt/no comfort to follow it up Series: Part 5 of Bad Things Happen Bingo Summary:

The one where Dick Grayson has his heartbroken twice.

Full story under cut

Two years ago:

“Dick, what about this one?” Kor’i smiled sweetly, positively glowing in the sun. She gestured to a little potted plant sitting in the shade of the bottom rack. Her hair fluttered in the wind, seeming to sweep up his heart as well. Crouching, he gently bumped her shoulder, and she nudged him back. Perfect.

“Why don’t we look over there?” Dick asked, pointing over to another shelf.

“But I like this one.” She pouted, puffing out her bottom lip slightly. He glanced at the little sprout she picked out, his mind happily buzzing as he identified it without looking at the tag – botany lessons with Alfred had paid off.

“Lamprocapnos spectabilis.” He began. Kor’i nuzzled her head on his shoulder, reaching out a hand to stroke the leaves. He grabbed the little tag sticking out of the pot. “This one is of the Valentine variety.”

“Mmm.” She rested her hand back on Dick’s thigh, warmth spreading from the spot. “Tell me more.” He swallowed and complied.

“They’re a perennial – they come back annually. They like full or partial shade, and are native to Siberia, Japan, northern China, and Korea.”

“How big will it get?” She asked, rising to her feet, carrying the plant with her.

“About yay high.” He spread his hands two feet. “But Kor’i, uh, I can’t just give that to Joey it’s-”

“Commonly known as the bleeding heart?” She smiled mischievously. “I don’t see why not, your heart bleeds all the time.” She innocently widened her eyes, batting her eyelashes. “Or is it because it symbolizes love? Do you not love him?” Doubt was as clear in her voice as it was in her face.

“I-” He stammered; he would never cheat. “I love you.” Heat rose to his face. “Only you.”

Kor’i was perfect, she was so loving, always building him up, never tearing him down. Always healing, nurturing, growing seeds of her own – not just in him, she seemed to bring out the best in everyone she met. People basked in her beauty, and he simply basked in the knowledge of her presence. In being loved so fully, so openly and honest. Dick didn’t know if he could ever love anyone more.

“Oh.” Kor’i looked thoughtfully at the clear cerulean sky. “I wouldn’t mind if you… loved someone else too.” He frowned.

“I’m sorry if I made you feel like I did, but Kor’i, you’re the only one for me.” He stood, lightly pecking her on the cheek. She grinned, grabbing his hand, dragging him towards the checkout line.

“I like this one, forget silly earth symbolisms, Joey would love it.”

Dick sighed, following along anyways – she was right, of course, she always was – Joey would love the flowers, they were pals after all, he wouldn’t read too much into it.

One year ago:

A cool breeze snaked its way over the hillside, finding its way around the rock at his back and through his hair – leaving him disheveled in its wake. A chill rain up his spine, goosebumps swiftly decorating his arms. He could feel his hair slowly rise up, standing in a desperate bid to retain heat.

Dick wasn’t sure how long he’d sat there, knees tucked to his chest, head resting on his crossed arms. Too long likely. He should be back to the tower soon – he didn’t want anyone to worry, but after the mess on Tamaran, it was best for him to be alone right now.

He was just… so tired. He’d already destroyed half his punching bags trying to fight the emotion out – which had worked to some extent, leaving his hands throbbing and arms burning. He sprinted as far as he could go before his legs gave out. It had dulled the anger and pain, leaving him worn out and exhausted. The dull ache in his chest returned just as soon as it had left.

He couldn’t bring himself to look at the night sky – he’d come out here for comfort – to watch the waves lap against the rocks from far above and gaze up at the stars. But the stars could never shine brighter than Kor’i, only serving to remind him of what he’d lost when he’d ventured too close to the sun.

It wasn’t fair – Kor’i hadn’t loved Karras though they were together – legally bound, and he was here, light years spanning the distance between those bound by their souls.

He never believed in love in first sight. Not until he’d met her.

He’d always believed in love, though, from the time he was a child – his parents were living proof. It was foolish – his parents had died hadn’t they? Believing in their love until the bitter end, loving their lives, each other, him. It was love that kept them on the trapeze all those years, and that love had killed them.

He sighed, maybe Bruce was right – love wasn’t something compatible with their lifestyle. He never shared himself so fully with others or lost himself so fully either. Always playing cat and mouse with his lovers, never committing, communing with another soul the way he had with Kor’i.

He licked his chapped lips, tasting salt in the air. Light footsteps padded towards him. He curled further in on himself, not in the mood to talk. A rough woolen blanket dropped over his shoulders.

It smelled like crisp green apples, mixed with a hint of cinnamon.

Adeline Wilson had great tastes in laundry detergent – something she’d handed down to her son.

Joey crouched next to him, wrapping an arm around him, offering warmth and comfort. Dick hesitated, mind screaming to recoil, run away – be alone and repress, but heart yearning for the warmth and comfort he always seemed to find in Joey. That same warmth reminded him of Kor’i.

The desire for comfort won out, loosening up, he leaned against Joey’s shoulder. Joey’s chin nestled into the base of his neck; soft puffs of warm, wet air sent tingles down his spine. He raised his head a little dislodging Joey, feeling weirdly uncomfortable – but not displeased – just – he’d think about that later, now wasn’t the time.

Joey quickly backed off, removing his arm. Dick gave him a side glance and for a moment, lost himself in kind emerald eyes. <em>He isn’t Kor’i</em>. Why was that so hard to remember?

It took him a minute to process Joey signs. ‘Your hands.’ He followed his gaze down to his numb fingers. Upon seeing them he was hit by the realization they hurt like hell. He probably should have remembered to wear gloves, or at least wrap them, before taking his frustration out on punching bags.

His right hand had swollen, both had bruises blossoming, his skin rubbed raw, blood freely dripping from busted knuckles.

“Fuck.” He’d be out of the game for at least a month, if he was right about his right pinky – that was a boxer’s fracture. Tendrils of pain crawled out from the spot, his hands throbbing in time to his pulse. Dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. He couldn’t afford to make mistakes like that – the Titan’s needed him!

Joey squeezed his upper arm, ‘let’s go’, he suggested, rising to his feet. Dick bit his lip, internally cursing himself for being such a dumbass. He shakily rose to his feet, immediately hit by a wave of exhaustion. Which in hindsight – he probably shouldn’t have sprinted until he dropped either.

Joey wrapped an arm around his waist, bending slightly to stand under his shoulder and steadying him as the blanket slipped over his shoulders. They left it were it lay – more pressing matters to attend to, but Dick shivered in the cool night without it. He took a few wobbling steps forward – and dumb – his knees gave out.

He never came close to the ground, instead, finding himself lifted into a princess carry. Joey smiled apologetically, with a little shrug. Dick sighed; this was embarrassing. He was eighteen – he should know better – Bruce had taught him better!

“It’s fine, thanks.” He ignored how rough his voice sounded, instead concentrating on the throbbing from his hands, using the pain to block out the ache in his chest. He focused his gaze forward, not thinking about how close he was to Joey, how Kor’i used to carry him this way, how Joey smelled like honeysuckle and lilac, how this was everything he missed – and he just prayed he wasn’t falling in love again – he couldn’t be, no – he just... he was projecting. He just missed Kor’i.

He ignored Donna’s concerned eyebrow raise as they passed her on the way back to the tower. Gar’s whistle as they crossed the living room. The way Joey was so delicate when placing him in the passenger seat of the helicopter, so careful to avoid eye contact, so mindful of his pride.

In the brighter lighting he noticed stark red against Joey’s golden curls. A flower from a bleeding heart had made its way into Joey’s hair. There were gardening gloves in his back pocket

His heart sped up as they took off, he felt weirdly lighter than before – though perhaps he was just dizzy from pain. Joey stared at him, his eyes darker than before, brow set determinedly, but looking pained and a bit melancholic.

“What’s wrong?” Dick asked, feeling guilty for ruining whatever gardening project Joey had evidently come from. A lot was wrong, he was wrong, was asking a stupid question.

The tips of Joey’s lips curled into a frown. ‘Do not do that again’ he pointed at Dick’s broken hands.

Dick shrugged, it was a dumb move, he couldn’t guarantee he’d never break his hand again. He shifted his gaze back through the window. Joey tapped him on the shoulder. ‘Promise.’ Well, if it would keep Joey happy, he wouldn’t make the same mistake twice.

“I promise.” He wouldn’t break his hand as long as he never broke his heart.

Now.

He was a lot of things, but he wasn’t stupid, and he didn’t lack self-awareness. He knew how to bottle his feelings into a jar, create a vacuum seal, and tuck them away on a shelf. The thing was, he also knew eventually he had to deal with the things he compartmentalized.

It had been a month since Joey died. He’d been putting it off. But today…

The bleeding heart had wilted.

The jar fell to the floor and shattered, his heart disintegrating into a million shards with it.

A watering can joined the broken glass on the floor, before he knew what was happening, he was running from Joey’s garden, not knowing where he was going, not sure of his surroundings. His vision narrowed, relying on muscle memory and reflex to avoid crashing.

Crashing was a good way to describe this.

He was right there. Looked Joey in the eyes. Watched him become twisted and never even noticed that his beloved friend was going through things no one should ever go through, slowly destroyed from within, suffocating from a painfully sluggish death before Slade made the final move.

“FUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCK!” Birds flapped away as he screamed at the sky, at the world for letting this happen. Joey never knew – he never told him – was too scared that this would – that he would –

WHY DID THINGS HURT SO MUCH HE SWORE NOT TO LOVE ANYONE LIKE HER AGAIN-

*CRACK*

He broke a tree, feeling bone snap against splintered bark.

He froze, staring at his right pinky, and laughed.

So much for promises.

Laughs turned to sobs, knees buckling as he fell to the forest floor – sitting on his heels before flopping to his back. Staring up at the baby blue sky, cumulus clouds drifted by without a care in the world, laughing at him, mocking him from the high heavens.

Tears flowed freely, nature as the only witness.

His heart wasn’t supposed to break like this, he’d locked it away long ago, he wasn’t supposed to care about people like this anymore, that wasn’t in the fucking plan. He’d restrained himself, time and time again, turned down offers, avoided hanging out – he did everything he was supposed to do to not fall in love again.

And absolutely none of it mattered.

Love had mattered – fuck love for being like this – fuck Bruce for making him believe he could live like him – fuck the world – fuck Joey – fuck Kor’i – fuck everything. Fuck whoever he was supposed to be, his training, his painstaking control of his emotions.

He pounded the ground with his good hand, promises could be broken, but he wouldn’t break – not today – he didn’t have time. He could be dead today, next week, fuck – half the Titans were dead, Jason was dead, he couldn’t waste time like this - his life was going to be short.

His life was going to fucking short and he needed to pull himself together – he had family to get back to. He had people he loved – if his heart was going to break anyways – he was so FUCKING stupid.

Drowning in regret, he slammed the ground again, hard enough for the shockwaves to jar his broken hand. Feeling pain was better than feeling this – because fuck – fuck – he loved Joey. He loved Joey and Kor’i and they were both gone and nothing was okay anymore. Joey never even knew. Never even knew – and it was all his fault – and he never knew how much he mattered – never knew how when he smiled it everything around him dulled in comparison or how when they talked it was like he had known him his all life.

He never knew.

And would never know.

He focused on taking painful breaths sobbing himself silly, laughing till he couldn’t breathe, and crying until he couldn’t feel. Time passed in a vacuum, hysteria waxing and waning until he ran out of tears to cry.

He rolled over, pressing himself up, wiping his face on his shirt, ignoring the familiar pain creeping up his arm.

He made a new promise because well, fuck the last one didn’t work out so he might as well start over. Giant pines towered over him standing tall as silent witnesses. He swore on the living along with the dead, any that would listen really – he didn’t care - he couldn’t keep living like this.

“Whoever I love will know.” He whispered the words as a sacred oath, finding an odd sense of solace. He paused, letting the words hang in the air as if imbuing them with some sort of power.

Stumbling forward, he made his way back home.

#bad things happen bingo #titans #batfam #ntt #dick grayson #joey wilson #koriand'r #dickkory #dickjoey #tw heartbreak #nightwing #discowing era lol #my writing

9 notes · View notes