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#nobody fuckjng cares if they hurt me and i don’t care if they hurt me either that’s why i hurt me too
bo0zey
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1 year
Text
being the oldest daughter raised by a narcissistic emotionally abusive father is just…👩🍳👌💋
#i don’t know why i always end up crying when i know exactly what to expect from him
#the constant belittling then turning around and crying victim on how i ‘hurt’ him bc he can’t accept the fact that he did something wrong
#i know i shouldn’t expect anything from him but it’s like this stupid fucking useless part of me during these moments is just
#so heartbroken and frustrated because it’s not fair the child in me just wants to have a dad that cares and sees her as a human
#nobody fuckjng cares if they hurt me and i don’t care if they hurt me either that’s why i hurt me too
#he’s supposed to be my dad he’s my only parent left and he never should’ve been a parent to begin
#i can’t believe how easily he turns things on me saying it’s my fault i never come talk to him and it’s like how the fuck
#you were barely basically nonexistent the first 5 years of my life then barely there from then on out
#how could i ever come to you how could i trust you just because i’m your daughter by blood doesn’t mean you’re not a stranger to me
#you’re supposed to be the adult you’re my father you’re supposed to come to me and guide me why are you such a helpless fucking child
#i do everything on my own i have nothing to say to you just like you have nothing to say to me
#small talk only does so much i don’t want to talk to him i don’t care about our relationship
#i’m just literally flabbergasted at the audacity he has to gaslight and manipulate me and ply victim when i’m the one he keeps hurting
#it just reinforces the idea that my feelings are invalid my feelings have been invalid to him for the past 23years
#i wish i was emotionless and unfeeling i wish he didn’t have the power to affect my emotions so strongly
#i’m such a little kid i wish my mom was here i wish someone wanted to protect me and talk to me and at least try to understand me
#i can’t wait to be dead i just want this to be over i’m just wasting time taking up someone else’s space
#i think the only time i’ll be genuinely happy is when i’m dead
#i don’t remember the last time i was actually happy unless i’m distracting myself
#i’m constantly maladaptive daydreaming and when i’m not i’m at work trying to be a functioning an adult
#but as soon as i’m home i’m back in my dream world where i don’t have to think about me at all
#when gerard said When i grow up i want to be nothing at All that man read my my mind
#ramblings
#vent
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trulee-peachy
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2 years
Text
….
#there’s no point to life
#no one is ever going to love me the way I want them too
#i give too much and I’m too big and ugly to be looked at as romantic
#if I didn’t have to take care of my family I would kill myself
#i almost feel like trying so that someone pays attention to me
#but I’ll probably end up accidentally actually doing it
#cus no one cares and no one would find me until too late
#i wish i could hurt myself
#i don’t have anything to hurt myself with
#and my head already hurts too much so I can’t punch my head
#I’m the most useless being alive
#i wish God with kill me and spare someone innocent instead
#nobody listens to me
#not God not my dad nobody
#i wanna be a lil kid so I can be held and not know about how actually scary the world is
#it’s not fair
#o can’t do ankther 20 years of this I need to die now
#whenever I tell someone about what’s going on it’s ‘fuck that situation’
#because that’s the only fuckjng response because my life is hopeless
#I’m so tired end it now please
#peachyvents
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