#since my breathing-related disability has started

[cocklessboy]

The biggest male privilege I have so far encountered is going to the doctor.

I lived as a woman for 35 years. I have a lifetime of chronic health issues including chronic pain, chronic fatigue, respiratory issues, and neurodivergence (autistic + ADHD). There's so much wrong with my body and brain that I have never dared to make a single list of it to show a doctor because I was so sure I would be sent directly to a psychologist specializing in hypochondria (sorry, "anxiety") without getting a single test done.

And I was right. Anytime I ever tried to bring up even one of my health issues, every doctor's initial reaction was, at best, to look at me with doubt. A raised eyebrow. A seemingly casual, offhand question about whether I'd ever been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. Even female doctors!

We're not talking about super rare symptoms here either. Joint pain. Chronic joint pain since I was about 19 years old. Back pain. Trouble breathing. Allergy-like reactions to things that aren't typically allergens. Headaches. Brain fog. Severe insomnia. Sensitivity to cold and heat.

There's a lot more going on than that, but those were the things I thought I might be able to at least get some acknowledgement of. Some tests, at least. But 90% of the time I was told to go home, rest, take a few days off work, take some benzos (which they'd throw at me without hesitation), just chill out a bit, you'll be fine. Anxiety can cause all kinds of odd symptoms.

Anyone female-presenting reading this is surely nodding along. Yup, that's just how doctors are.

Except...

I started transitioning about 2.5 years ago. At this point I have a beard, male pattern baldness, a deep voice, and a flat chest. All of my doctors know that I'm trans because I still haven't managed to get all the paperwork legally changed, but when they look at me, even if they knew me as female at first, they see a man.

I knew men didn't face the same hurdles when it came to health care, but I had no idea it was this different.

The last time I saw my GP (a man, fairly young, 30s or so), I mentioned chronic pain, and he was concerned to see that it wasn't represented in my file. Previous doctors hadn't even bothered to write it down. He pushed his next appointment back to spend nearly an hour with me going through my entire body while I described every type of chronic pain I had, how long I'd had it, what causes I was aware of. He asked me if I had any theories as to why I had so much pain and looked at me with concerned expectation, hoping I might have a starting point for him. He immediately drew up referrals for pain specialists (a profession I didn't even know existed till that moment) and physical therapy. He said depending on how it goes, he may need to help me get on some degree of disability assistance from the government, since I obviously shouldn't be trying to work full-time under these circumstances.

Never a glimmer of doubt in his eye. Never did he so much as mention the word "anxiety".

There's also my psychiatrist. He diagnosed me with ADHD last year (meeting me as a man from the start, though he knew I was trans). He never doubted my symptoms or medical history. He also took my pain and sleep issues seriously from the start and has been trying to help me find medications to help both those things while I go through the long process of seeing other specialists. I've had bad reactions to almost everything I've tried, because that's what always happens. Sometimes it seems like I'm allergic to the whole world.

And then, just a few days ago, the most shocking thing happened. I'd been wondering for a while if I might have a mast cell condition like MCAS, having read a lot of informative posts by @thebibliosphere which sounded a little too relatable. Another friend suggested it might explain some of my problems, so I decided to mention it to the psychiatrist, fully prepared to laugh it off. Yeah, a friend thinks I might have it, I'm not convinced though.

His response? That's an interesting theory. It would be difficult to test for especially in this country, but that's no reason not to try treatments and see if they are helpful. He adjusted his medication recommendations immediately based on this suggestion. He's researching an elimination diet to diagnose my food sensitivities.

I casually mentioned MCAS, something routinely dismissed by doctors with female patients, and he instantly took the possibility seriously.

That's it. I've reached peak male privilege. There is nothing else that could happen that could be more insane than that.

I literally keep having to hold myself back from apologizing or hedging or trying to frame my theories as someone else's idea lest I be dismissed as a hypochondriac. I told the doctor I'd like to make a big list of every health issue I have, diagnosed and undiagnosed, every theory I've been given or come up with myself, and every medication I've tried and my reactions to it - something I've never done because I knew for a fact no doctor would take me seriously if they saw such a list all at once. He said it was a good idea and could be very helpful.

Female-presenting people are of course not going to be surprised by any of this, but in my experience, male-presenting people often are. When you've never had a doctor scoff at you, laugh at you, literally say "I won't consider that possibility until you've been cleared by a psychologist" for the most mundane of health problems, it might be hard to imagine just how demoralizing it is. How scary it becomes going to the doctor. How you can internalize the idea that you're just imagining things, making a big deal out of nothing.

Now that I'm visibly a man, all of my doctors are suddenly very concerned about the fact that I've been simply living like this for nearly four decades with no help. And I know how many women will have to go their whole lives never getting that help simply because of sexism in the medical field.

If you know a doctor, show them this story. Even if they are female. Even if they consider themselves leftists and feminists and allies. Ask them to really, truly, deep down, consider whether they really treat their male and female patients the same. Suggest that the next time they hear a valid complaint from a male patient, imagine they were a woman and consider whether you'd take it seriously. The next time they hear a frivolous-sounding complaint from a female patient, imagine they were a man and consider whether it would sound more credible.

It's hard to unlearn these biases. But it simply has to be done. I've lived both sides of this issue. And every doctor insists they treat their male and female patients the same. But some of the doctors astonished that I didn't get better care in the past are the same doctors who dismissed me before.

I'm glad I'm getting the care I need, even if it is several decades late. And I'm angry that it took so long. And I'm furious that most female-presenting people will never have this chance.

#transgender #queer #transmasc #lgbtqia+ #trans man #sexism #medical sexism #feminism #male privilege

[dumbseee]

thunder and lightning.

in which, you and jude broke up after a long relationship and you perform the song you wrote for him, in front of him at the ballon d’or ceremony.

jude bellingham x singer!reader.

fc: madison beer.

note: please read this and listen to "thunder and lightning" by serayah. / might turn this into a small serie 🤭

liked by bellahadid, tatemcrae, sabrinacarpenter and 1 829 000 others.

y/n: my most precious and raw song "thunder and lightning" is now yours 🤍 now it’s time to grow and move on.

_

comments have been disabled.

_

you were standing in the middle of this big stage. in front of these important people, some of them used to be people you’d hang out with. but breaking up with jude meant saying goodbye to them too, even if it was hard since you made good friendships thanks to your ex. it was too hard to keep contact with them without jude haunting your thoughts, and they understood that. your break up with jude occured a few months ago now, and you thought you were doing better, but being on this stage, about to perform the song you wrote in one hour, the day he broke up with you, sent shivers all over your body. and you even considered running away.

but you were stronger than before, you worked hard on this song and you needed jude to hear it. you looked absolutely stunning in this dress, you tried to put a smile on your face but only pain and anxiety could be seen. you saw all these people looking at you, some with adoration, others with envy and some with sadness because they knew how hurt you were. thunder and lightning started and you closed your eyes before taking a deep breath. you got this.

"can't you look at me and see that i love ya? and i’d do anything for ya?" you began, looking at the crowd but your eyes immediately found his. you almost stutter on the lyrics but immediately closed your eyes to refocus. his eyes were glowing and his face was torn with concern and almost regret. ha, too late for that boy. "and i’ll do anything for ya, climb up mount everest without a rope, dive into the bermuda without a boat." because it was true, you could do anything for this boy, anything and everything without thinking it twice. you loved him with your whole soul, it was insane. you could’ve quit music if he asked, and that without a second thought because that’s how loyal and in love you were.

"like thunder and lightning, we were meant to be, wrapped up inside your arms, that's right where i belong." you hit the hook with more vulnerability in your voice, it resonated in the whole room and inside people’s heart. you knew some people in the audience would relate to your situation, girlfriends of footballers who suffered the disrespect of their partner. or even footballers themselves having their heart broken by women who never actually loved them. this song wasn’t just about you and jude, it was about this feeling of despair when you see the person you love, leaving you heartbroken and alone. you saw some old friends bobbing their heads to your song and even sending smiles and thumbs ups to you.

you soon end the song, for a minute the room is frozen in silence, no one moves. and the one to break the ice was jude, he got up and clapped you like no one ever clapped for you. soon enough the whole room followed, giving you a standing ovation. you felt your eyes getting watery as you locked eyes with jude, his expression was unreadable. you were the one to break the eye contact as you bowed to the audience and blowed a kiss to the camera. you left the stage and almost ran backstage to let the tears you kept inside since the beginning of the performance, run down your cheeks. you let yourself fall to the ground, your agent and friend hugged you from behind and kissed the top of your head. "let’s go home now." you whispered between a sob.

liked by trentarnold66, vinijr, rodrygogoes and 3 729 028 others.

judebellingham: such an honour to win these trophies. making my parents proud and being a good role model for my brother has always been my top priority, thank you for the support and thank you for always being by my side.

_

fan1: CONGRATS KING

fan2: deserved so much more but i’m so happy for him

fan3: making the parents proud >>

fan4: the fact that y/n was there too and probably congratulated him :(

fan5: lmao nah she probably left after the performance, she hates his ass now

fan6: as she should tbh

fan7: y/n deserved way better

vinijr: 🔥🔥🔥

philfoden: congrats mate! keep shinning 💪🏼

fan8: i’m a huge fan but you should be held accountable for how you treated y/n

fan9: DON’T LISTEN TO THE HATERS KING

fan10: the future of football is right there

fan11: keep showing them who’s the boss jude!

fan12: he looked so good tho 🥴

fan13: finally a stylist who does him justice

deuxmoi: hm, being a good role model right? then care to explain why a little bird came to us with receipts about the night she had with you, while you were dating y/n?

fan14: WTF

fan15: WTFFFABSKSKSLDDD WHAT IS THIS

fan16: nah they must be lying jude would NEVER cheat

fan17: deuxmoi isn’t even a reliable source!

fan18: yeah but apparently they got receipts so…

view all comment.

y/n just posted a story!

caption: couldn’t relate more.

#Spotify #football x reader #football au #football masterlist #football #jude bellingham fanfic #jude bellingham fic #jude bellingham x oc #jude bellingham x you #jude bellingham x reader #jude bellingham imagine #jude bellingham fluff #jude bellingham #bellingham #real madrid #fluff

[marzipanandminutiae]

Hello I was just wondering if you've seen Imani Barbarin talk about not voting (https://x.com/imani_barbarin/status/1747723080917492020?s=46&t=55h0eHrgY7FtQI8ej54maw)? I saw you reblog the post about "not waiting for the morally pure candidate" and I think that's a willful misrepresentation of what Gen Z is feeling

We've not seen Biden address ANY of the things the post claims (climate change is the only one I remember without scrolling back) but we have seen him approve more oil licenses than trump, drop more bombs than trump, support a genocide, abandon disabled people and any Covid mitigations during the second highest surge since the start of the pandemic (with less testing so odds are things r even worse than we can tell), bring back student debt, etc etc

As a Gen Z'r, I genuinely want to understand how y'all can believe "no vote is a vote for fascism" when both candidates are horrendous? Why is the onus on us and not the politicians to do better instead of pointing fingers and saying "at least we're better than Trump" when that is categorically untrue?

I'm sorry if this is too rant-y I'm just so furious and frustrated with my perception of older voters' complacency with being given utter shit instead of organizing for better

I am trying very hard to be reasoned and understanding about this- bearing in mind that we want the same things in the end and I'mnot jazzed for Biden either -when it's extremely, EXTREMELY obvious to me that Trump is worse.

Like.

If he gets elected there might not be another election. The man was theoretically willing to use military force to quell protests if he lost the 2020 election (why he didn't, I don't know; but I'm not willing to give him that chance a second time).

Trump has called himself a dictator, proudly, in the same breath as saying "we're closing the border and we're drilling, drilling, drilling." Biden does NOT remotely have a perfect record on either of those things- he was locked into some construction of the border wall by how the funds had already been allocated by Congress during the Trump administration, but not everything he's done in relation to it, which also pisses me off. As for the oil thing, it's a bit more complicated than it seems on the surface: not as simple as "he doesn't actually care about the environment" even as it's definitely not a good move or in line with his stated climate goals.

As for those climate goals, I found this interesting article that rates key areas of climate action and how they've fared during the Biden administration. It was updated in January, and it is not sycophantically uncritical across the board. But that is LEAGUES more progress than we'd get under a system of "drilling, drilling, drilling" with absolutely no concessions to the climate crisis at all.

His handling of the situation in Palestine...yeah, I struggle with that, too. I know he's been trying to talk their leaders down, to some degree, but it's not nearly enough to me. And I STRONGLY disagree with us selling them weapons. However, Trump's statements on the matter- calling for a ban on Gazan refugees in the US, calling pro-Palestinian protestors "barbarians," and saying he'd revoke the student visa of anyone he deemed "anti-American" -makes me believe that letting him get into power is not something my conscience would allow, vis a vis the fate of the Palestinian people. Because it would be exponentially worse.

I also think the material good that has happened under the Biden administration has been...MASSIVELY under-publicized. Because like. He HAS addressed things. Lots of things, in fact.

this article from last year was too early to include pardoning thousands of people federally convicted of simple marijuana possession (again, not perfect, but still very good), setting new rules to limit methane emissions, capping prices for at least some major insulin producers, partial student loan debt forgiveness (tried to do more, but got hamstrung by Republicans), cancelling oil leases granted by Trump in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge (not enough given the leases HE granted, but it's not nothing either), and much more I'm sure I'm overlooking. Because, again, nobody's been talking about it. It sells more news subscriptions to feed readers an endless stream of what Biden is doing wrong- which I am not denying! -leaving people with the dangerous impression that both sides are the same. Republicans would not have done any of this. That's just the truth of the matter.

Look, I would like a better option, too. I would love to actually LIKE a presidential candidate in my lifetime. I'd love one who wouldn't make concessions to the interests of selfish, heartless people with ledgers where their sense of human compassion should be. I just don't see that person coming to power between now and November.

And I'll take someone who is Standard US Politician Slimy but at least makes some improvements (unfortunately, I doubt there's anyone with a chance of winning in less than a year who doesn't support Israel to some degree, since this country have a long history of that) over someone who might actually stage a right-wing military coup, and who would kill me and other marginalized people himself if he thought it would get him more fame and fortune.

Some people say their conscience won't let them vote Biden. I can't tell them what to do. But if he gets the Democratic nomination, my conscience wouldn't let me do anything else.

#long post #US politics #current events #I'm not getting into ask argments about this. I will answer this one in good faith but I've said my peace now

[mrsaguapapi]

Ch 1  Ch 2

Chapter 3

Eyes Wide Shut

The Vibe:

La Llorona-Carmen Goett

I sit on the balcony of my therapist's apartment, I can hear the busy city streets below us and the fluttering wings of birds in the sky. We've been doing this for a few weeks now, and each session brings me closer to healing but it's only an inch at a time to a mile-long worth of trauma.

I sit in my seat obviously unable to see the sun but I can feel the warm summer heat grace my face. My therapist hands me a joint and I take a deep inhale, feeling the familiar calming effect of the ✨jazz lettuce✨. She is definitely an "out-there" professional technically no longer licensed but she continues to work with associates of Japan's underground crime syndicates; she for whatever reason, relates well to us criminals (both past and current). She was a small, unassuming woman who has been described to me as a 'Sweet gal, with tired eyes and a perpetually weary expression'

We sit in comfortable silence for a few moments before my therapist speaks up. "So, Ari, what's been on your mind since our last session? How have the nightmares been lately?" My therapist asked

"They're back," I admitted, throwing my head back and exhaling dramatically "It's like I'm reliving everything again."

She nodded. "Tell me about it. What's been coming up for you?"

I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself. "It's always the same thing. The night I had to take out the Hive. In my dreams, It's like it's all happening again, and I can't stop it."

My therapist leaned forward, her eyes never leaving mine. "You need to lay it all out on the table, Ari. You can't keep pushing it down and pretending it never happened. It's always going to be there, lurking in the background until you deal with it head-on."

I knew she was right, but it was hard to hear. I didn't want to relive those memories, to feel the pain and the guilt and the shame all over again. But I also knew that I couldn't keep living like this, trapped in my own head, reliving my nightmares every night.

"I know," I said finally. "I just... I don't know how to start."

"Start with the beginning," my therapist said gently. "Just lay it all out, explain it to me as if I have never heard of the Yakuza"

And so I did.

My father was an assassin, a highly skilled one at that. He was on a mission to take out a house of child sex traffickers, most of their victims were between the ages of 10-16. I was 1 years old at the time, I learned later in life that I was the daughter of one of the trafficked children. She died of malnourishment just days before we were saved; they planned to raise me into the sex trade as I was a "Rare Find" in the Japanese child trafficking market, and , not many black children were involved.

Fortunately for me, my father Tanaka found me. All of the children that were saved were going to be home with families in the area except me. I was deemed unwanted by the community because of my color. He without a word took me and raised me as his own.

My father was a man of few words, but his actions spoke volumes. He had been orphaned and living on the streets at a young age but managed to work his way into the yakuza and up the ranks; eventually, he became a respected member of the criminal organization.

He was a solitary man who preferred to keep to himself, but when he took me under his wing, he became a dedicated and loving father. He was tough on me, and he taught me what he knew, albeit not the best practice to teach your daughter the *art* of assassination. When I went blind he was nothing but caring he got me Yukio for additional support, but he did not let up on me one bit, he treated my blindness as an obstacle, not a disability.

Despite his gruff exterior, my father had a deep love for me, I think I was the only one that understood him. He was fiercely protective of me and would do anything to keep me safe. We were inseparable, and even when we weren't working together, we spent all of our free time together. Granted, we did a lot of...questionable things. Assassinations, kidnappings, drug deals. You name it, we did it. But I cherished every moment I had with him.

"You say 'had'?" she questions, "Is he no longer with us?"

I take another hit from my joint and try to hold back some of my tears, "I'm not ready to talk about it yet, is that okay?" I exhale and sniffle a bit

"Of course, would you like to continue, or do you need a break?"

"I'm okay," I say

"Proceed" she gave me the floor once again.

Together we climbed the hierarchy of the yakuza, and he eventually became a boss. There was pushback about me being a member of the Yakuza due to my blindness but I soon proved to be a force to be reckoned with. We ran an empire together for a few years before the night of my merciless execution of the Hive. The night I became Kokushibyō, the Black Death.

The Hive was a clan of assassins from a rival gang in Japan. They were known to be ruthless and cunning, and they specialized in kidnappings and assassinations of rival gangs and political figures in Japan. One night, they kidnapped the daughter of one of our allies, the Yakuza boss called Nomad. As a sign of good faith, my father sent me and my team to retrieve the kidnapped girl the boss.

But things didn't go as planned. We were ambushed and my entire team was killed. It was just me left to finish the mission by myself. I was outnumbered, but I manage to take out nearly 100 men on my own and retrieved the child before reinforcements came.

I killed so many people that night. And the worst part is, I didn't feel anything. I was just...numb. Like I was in a trance," I say, my eyes filling with tears.

That night changed everything for me. I was traumatized by the experience and realized that I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't be an assassin, not after what had happened. So, I retired from the business, much to my father's disappointment. But he understood, in his own way. He loved me, and he knew that I had to do what was right for me. I found a love for cooking so I moved out here and built my restaurant. I'm living a good life, I love my business, and my dog, even this Jujustu stuff is kinda cool, and yet I still feel empty, worthless, and scared.

"Scared of what?" She asks

"That I'm a monster..."

"Ari, you are not a monster. The fact that you feel remorse for your actions and worry about your impact on others shows that you have a conscience and are a caring person."

"But I killed so many people that night. I don't think I can ever forget what I did."

"It's understandable to feel that way, but you have to understand that you were doing what you had to do to protect someone. You were acting in self-defense and defense of others. It's not like you went out of your way to harm innocent people."

"But I enjoyed it. I enjoyed the violence and the power I had over them."

"That doesn't make you a monster either. It's natural to feel a rush of adrenaline and excitement in situations like that. It's important to recognize those feelings and work on managing them, but it doesn't make you a bad person."

I sigh and wipe my tears, "Thank you, I needed to hear that"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Vibe:

Jaded-Ms. White

After another 20 mins, we wrap up our session, and I Uber to Jujustu Tech. I've been at this now for about 6 months and it's honestly not so bad; working with these kids brings me joy, and reminds me of me and my father when we would train together.

Bittersweet

Today, I prepare for my training sessions with the teachers and other sorcerers. It's become a weekly routine for me and just about everyone has had at least one session with me. I take pride in my ability to train others in combat and weapons, despite my blindness.

Atsuyu, however, refuses to come back. I think I may have scared him a bit. He probably thought he would have the upper hand with me since I can't see, but I've become an excellent swordsman through years of training.

Shoko is a regular attendee and we've become good friends over time. She may not be the best fighter, but I've seen improvement in her skills.

Ijichi is another regular attendee who surprised me with his combat skills. He may appear timid at first, but he's actually a powerhouse in combat.

Mei Mei and the principal have also come to a few sessions. It's been fun working with them individually and seeing their progress. Overall, I enjoy these training sessions and the opportunity to share my skills with others.

As for Gojo and Nanami not so much. Gojo claims he's the best jujutsu sorcerer and doesn't need any help or notes. Typical Gojo. As for Nanami, he's been completely silent since our fight months ago. I'm afraid I might have crossed a line with him. He hasn't said a word to me since that day. It's been bothering me, but I don't know what to do about it.

I put Yukio on her leash and stepped out of my apartment, I couldn't help but feel the sun beating down on my skin. It was one of the hottest days of the summer, and I had to come up with a way to combat the heat. I decided to wear a pleated mini skort and white cropped top, paired with a set of white heels that strap around my ankles. The outfit was minimalistic, yet practical enough to keep me cool. My hair was braided up into long box braids, a protective hairstyle for the heat.

On my back was a mini backpack, which had all my training attire inside. It was Sunday afternoon, and I had to make my way to the training rooms. I was so engrossed in my thoughts about the new dish I had been experimenting with that I didn't even notice someone was closely approaching me until almost too late.

I take a deep breath to steady myself as Mr. Nanami's scent fills my nose. Evergreen and lemons. He always smells like that. "Mr. Nanami," I say, trying to keep my voice even.

He seems taken aback that I recognized him. "You knew it was me?"

I nod, even though I know he can't see it. "Your scent is very distinct," I explain. "Plus, I remember your voice from our fight."

There's a moment of silence before he speaks again. "I see," he says, still sounding surprised. "I apologize for startling you."

"It's okay," I say, shrugging it off. "I was lost in thought, so it's not your fault."

I hear him take a step closer to me. "What were you thinking about?" he asks, his voice low.

I hesitate for a moment before answering. "A new dish I've been experimenting with," I say. "I'm thinking about adding it to the menu at my restaurant."

There's a pause before he speaks again. "What kind of dish is it?"

I grin, excited to talk about my cooking. "It's a fusion dish," I explain. "A mix of Japanese and Jamaican flavors. Jerk chicken with a miso glaze."

He lets out a small awkward chuckle. "That sounds interesting."

Is he nervous?

"Did you need me for something?" I ask curiously, as I bend down and unleash Yukio. She goes to her usual spot by the window.

"I owe you an apology," he says suddenly. "I underestimated you as a fighter and let my pride get in the way. I've been avoiding you for the past six months because I was ashamed and embarrassed."

I am taken aback by his words. I never thought he would apologize to me. "No, Mr. Nanami, it's me who should apologize. I went too far in our sparring session, and I'm sorry."

He chuckles, "We're both apologizing to each other, it seems. Let's just call it even and move on, shall we?"

I nod, feeling relieved, "I'd like that," I say smiling

"Great," he says, "Well, while I'm here would you mind training with me today?"

"Yes!" I say maybe a little more excited than I should have. I calm down and smoothly say "Uh yea. Just let me change into proper clothes real quick."

He clears his throat, "Of course" he responds

I quickly gather my things and head to the women's locker room slipping into my athletic attire, feeling the smooth fabric against my skin. The outfit is lightweight and easy to move in, perfect for my training sessions. I slip on a pair of sneakers and throw my hair into one giant braid.

When I return to the training area, Nanami is already there, warming up with a few stretches. I take a deep breath and walk over to him, ready to get started. We ease into my training routine practicing our punches and kicks, working on our endurance, and building our core. I take a step back and observe Nanami's form, listening to his movements.

As I stand behind Mr. Nanami, I can feel the tension in his body when he throws his punches. I can sense that his form is wrong, and I can't help but want to step in and help him.

"Stop" I semi command, "Your form is wrong," I say stepping towards him. "Is it okay if I help position you?" I ask gesturing my hands

"Sure" He responds

As I reach out to fix his form, my hand brushes against his arm, and I feel a jolt of electricity shoot through my body. I move him into position, adjusting his stance and correcting his form. As I do, I can feel his body tense up at first, but then he relaxes under my touch.

There's an unspoken tension between us, and I can't help but feel a rush of emotions. I'm not sure if it's the intimacy of the moment or if there's something more between us. But I push those thoughts aside and focus on helping him.

After a few more adjustments, I step back and let him continue the routine. Eventually, we wrap up our training session, and Nanami and I move into a cool-down workout to relax our muscles. As we were stretching, he asked me for some feedback on his performance.

I take a deep breath and think for a second before I replied, "Mr. Nanami, your punches are powerful, but your form is off. You need to relax more, be more fluid." I pause for a moment before continuing, "You're a tense fighter," I replied. "That's great when you're on the defensive, but you need to be more adaptable. You have to be able to make fast, small, delicate movements; adapt to your opponent's movements, not just overpower them. I hope you don't mind me saying this but I think you could benefit from some more regular training sessions," I said, tentatively.

"I agree, Ari. I can see that I have a lot to learn from you. Your combat skills are impressive, it's almost inspiring." he says

I couldn't help but smiles and blush at that little statement, I turn my head away before responding, "Thank you, Mr. Nanami"

We exchanged a few more pleasantries before parting ways

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After Nanami left, I spent another hour training with my karambit blades. The sound of metal clashing against metal was music to my ears as I worked on my techniques. However, my concentration was interrupted when I heard a commotion somewhere in the school. It was distant, but it was enough to catch my attention. Weapons in hand I make my way to the commotion with Yukio close behind me.

As the sound of chaos and destruction filled the air, I could sense that something was terribly wrong. Suddenly, I heard screams and the sound of glass shattering. I rushed to the source of the noise, with my blades up in a defensive position. As I arrived, I hear two people in the heat of a vicious fight. From the sound and smell of it, it was Nanami and.

Yuji?

But he sounds different and he smells different.

Could this be the cursed spirit that lives inside him? Sukuna....

Nanami was trying to contain Yuji as best as he could but was eventually kicked into a wall completely stunned. I knew I had to act fast to save him," Yukio Stay' I command before approaching. With a burst of adrenaline, I charged forward and slashed at Sukuna with my karambit knives. The sound of metal clashing against bone filled the air as I fought to keep him away from Nanami.

Despite my blindness, I could feel the tension and power of Sukuna's attacks. But I also knew that I had to protect Nanami at all costs. I could hear him groaning in pain, and I knew that I had to do everything in my power to keep him alive.

For the first few moments, I felt like I was holding my own. I was able to dodge Sukuna's attacks and land a few strikes of my own. But soon enough, I realized that it was a lost cause. Sukuna was simply too powerful.

Despite my best efforts, I found myself getting worn down. He was relentless, and I couldn't keep up. My movements became sluggish, and my attacks lacked their usual precision. It was as if all my training and experience had been for nothing.

Sukuna's attacks were powerful and relentless, and I could feel my strength fading fast. I knew I needed to do something, anything, to protect Nanami. So, I made a quick decision and used my body as a shield while yelling at Yukio, "YUKIO GET HELP! AGHk-" Sukuna's cursed energy hit me hard, and I felt the searing pain of his attack, but I held on tight, refusing to let go. I can hear Yukio running out barking for help as Sukuna continues to attack me several times back to back.

Hopefully, I can buy him some time.

Sukuna surprisingly stops and takes a step back, "I admire your tenacity, little warrior," Sukuna chuckles, feeling the power struggle within Yuji's body. "You fought with such ferocity, even to protect someone who you barely know"

"Fuck off!" I hiss

"Ha! I like your spirit, girl," Sukuna says, amused. "You fought like a true warrior, and I was honored to spar with you."

Breathless and defeated, I lay on the ground, waiting for Sukuna to strike me down. But to my surprise, he stopped and spoke.

"You're quite skilled, for a human. But despite your amazing skill you fight at a disadvantage, you have the potential to be so much more." I hear him grunt in irritation, "Damn brat. I don't have much time doll, I can feel the brat fighting back for control, so before I go I'd like to leave you with a parting gift."

"Keep your fucking gif-" I say before getting snatched up by my hair. I scream out in pain as he forcefully holds my head back. I then hear him bite his hand and hold it over my face. He began to drip blood onto my face and into my mouth. He held me so tight that I couldn't fight back. He then practically throws me down to the ground, I couldn't react in time so I hit the concrete hard. I try to raise my body and stand but stumble back down to my knees as I start to feel an intense rush of euphoria coursing through my veins. It's a feeling I've never experienced before, and for a moment, I'm lost in its intoxicating embrace.

But just as quickly as the feeling comes, it's gone, replaced by a searing pain in my eyes. It's like someone is squeezing them in a vice, and I can feel a burning sensation spreading through my head.

I try to rub my eyes to ease the pain, but it only seems to make it worse; fortunately, the pain finally subsides after a few minutes. I blink several times in disbelief. Colors and shapes begin to form before my eyes, and I realize that I can see. At first, everything was just a blur of colors and shapes. I couldn't make out anything clearly, but I could see light for the first time in years. It was overwhelming and painful, like needles poking into my eyes. I squinted and rubbed them, trying to adjust to the sudden influx of visual information. As my eyes gradually adapted, the shapes and colors began to coalesce into recognizable forms

I looked down at my hands and saw them in a whole new light. I had gotten used to not being able to see them, but now they were right in front of me, and I could see every detail. The lines on my palms, the curve of my fingers, the scars and calluses from years of training. It was overwhelming.

"What did you do," I asked with tears welling up in my eyes starting to freak out from this sudden miracle.

Can you call it a miracle?

Sukuna smirks. "Until we meet again, little warrior" With that, Sukuna's control over Yuji weakens, and he disappears, leaving Yuji in control again.

The Vibe:

YKWIM?-Yot Club

I couldn't believe it, I had my sight back after 10 years. But it was too much for me to handle all at once. The light was blinding and everything was too vivid. My senses were heightened to an almost unbearable level. I could smell every single scent in the air, hear every single sound around me, and feel every single texture on my skin. I was completely overwhelmed and overstimulated.

The taste of blood was still in my mouth and it was even stronger now, like it was amplified along with my other senses. I was hyper-aware of every drop of blood on my skin and Mr. Nanami's as well. I couldn't even stand the sound of my breathing. It was all too much.

Feeling like I was about to lose control, I closed my eyes and covered my ears with my hands. It helped a little, but I could still feel the overwhelming sensations. I needed to take a moment to collect myself before I could face what was happening.

Yuji approached slowly, his voice shaking as he spoke. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt anyone," he said, his eyes filled with tears. "I couldn't control myself. Sukuna took over."

I could hear the fear and remorse in his voice, but I couldn't bear to look at him, "Please stay back, Yuji," I said, my voice shaky. "Please, just stay back." I tried to stand up, but my legs felt weak and shaky, and I stumbled.

Nanami grabbed my arm, using his other hand to support himself as we leaned on each other. "We need to get out of here," he said, his voice strained. "Yuji, help us." Nanami placed his hand gently on my shoulder, trying to calm me down. "Ari, it's okay. Sukuna is gone now. Yuji is back in control," he said soothingly.

I took a deep breath and slowly opened my eyes, feeling a little more in control of my senses. I could see Nanami's worried expression and Yuji's somber one. I looked down at my hands and saw them shaking, covered in my own blood and Sukuna's.

"I... I can see," I said, still in disbelief. "It's been so long." Suddenly I hear barking and someone running. I look and see Yukio and Shoko.

Shoko rushes over to us and immediately starts checking on Nanami's injuries, quickly working to stop his bleeding and stabilize him. She then turns her attention to me, I'm still visibly shaken and overstimulated from the sudden return of her sight.

Shoko starts talking to me in a soft, soothing tone, trying to calm me down and assess my condition. She asks me questions about how I'm feeling and what I'm experiencing, and I try my best to answer her, though my mind is still reeling from everything that's happened.

After a few moments, Shoko administers a sedative to help me calm down and rest. As the medication starts to take effect, my senses begin to dull, and the overwhelming sensations start to fade away.

I feel a sense of relief wash over me as I start to relax, knowing that Shoko is here to take care of us and that we're in good hands. After I've calmed a bit I stand and pick up Yukio; as I hold my dog in my arms, tears streaming down my face. Yukio nuzzles into my chest, and I can feel her little heart beating against mine. For a moment, I forget about the chaos that just happened and the pain in my body. It's just me and Yukio, reunited after all this time.

I bury my face in her fur, taking in her scent and feeling her warmth against me. It's a small moment of peace amid all the chaos. And for that, I'm grateful.

Shoko and Yuji look at me with concern, but they don't say anything. They know I need this moment with my dog. After a few minutes, I finally pull away from Yukio and wipe my tears, "Where are the others?" I ask

"Come I'll take you to them," Shoko says

Yuji helps Nanami up and we all walk to regroup with everyone else. We make it to the infirmary where the others were, fortunately, it was only a few of us; Nanami, Yuji, Shoko, Panda, Inumaki, Nobara, Megumi, Ijichi, and myself. No one is dead, just a lot of injuries. Everyone checks in with each other nursing each other's wounds. I stay with Nanami as Shoko attends to Nanami's wounds; she wraps up with him and moves to the next person.

As I look at Nanami, tears begin to stream down my face. "Is everyone going to be okay?" I ask, my voice barely above a whisper.

Nanami looks at me with a reassuring smile. "Yes, we'll all be fine. We'll recover quickly don't worry" he says.

"Okay," I say beginning to feel nauseous because of the strong scent of blood

Nanami puts a hand on my shoulder. "Ari, are you okay?" he asks, concern etched on his face.

I shake my head, my eyes still brimming with tears. "No, not really. This was extremely triggering for me. The smell of blood is making me sick and I'm feeling pretty overstimulated and a bit manic. I need to go home." I confess.

"I don't think you should be alone right now. I'm worried about you." Nanami responds, "What can I do to help?"

"Can-Can you help me get home?" I ask weakly

"Of course" He raises out of his seat and grunts a little from the pain before standing, "Come" He puts his jacket over me and Yukio while wrapping an arm around me to help me walk, I sense he needed the help too, "I'm taking Ari home," he said with a tone that said don't ask questions. Everyone looked concerned but nodded in agreement.

Nanami leads me to his car and opens the door to the passenger side and help me in my seat; he even went as far as to buckle me in. He then climbed in next to me and closed the door, grunting slightly, and began to pull out of the parking lot of the school. The drive was about 20 min, It's almost overwhelming to see everything in such detail after being blind for so long. As we drive down the road, I can see people walking on the sidewalk, cars passing us by, and buildings towering up to the sky. We arrive outside my home and although the rides calmed me down a bit I couldn't shake off the feeling of dread that I had been carrying with me since my encounter with Sukuna. I didn't want to be alone right now, not after everything that had happened. So, I turned to Mr. Nanami and simply say, "Stay with me? Just for the night? I don't know why but I don't feel safe."

At first, he hesitates to answer but finally just nods yes in response, bringing me a sense of relief.

-------------------------------------------------------------

What should Ari do now that she has her sight back? I think it's time for her to have some fun!

#JJk #jujustsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen #gojo #nanami #kento nanami #jujutsu nanami #yuji #itadori #nobara #fushiguro #tojo #sukuna #nanamin #nanami x reader #nanami fluff #nanami smut #black girl oc #blackgirl #jjk fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction

[fatherfigurefusion]

Tsugumi Hazawa Headcanons

(Happy Birthday, Tsugumi Hazawa!)

1- Physical appearance headcanons: Average body type, pale skin, has freckles all over her body.

2- Some kins she has: Makoto Naegi (Danganronpa), Hitohito Tadano (Komi-san), Emmett (The LEGO Movie)

3- I'm honestly a firm believer in genderfluid Tsugu. One moment, she would be a wholesome hyperfemme cottagecore gf, and the next moment he is a leather-wearing bad boy (who is still a wholesome coffee bean).

4- She probably has some sort of disability that results in frequent dizzy spells and fainting (I'm thinking POTS, but I'm open to other suggestions), especially during the first Afterglow event. Tsugu tries to claim that she is fine and can work properly (even on notoriously BAD days), but the rest of Afterglow are ALL ABOUT self-care and are having NONE of that. Would probably use either crutches or a cane on particularly bad days, and has a love for compression socks.

5- Because of her bond with Hina, I'd imagine that she would also gain an interest in cryptids. I'd imagine that she would particularly like Jackalopes or the Mothman, since they're fluffy bois.

6- Relating to her new love of cryptids, I'd imagine that urban fantasy books (especially ones with a cryptic love interest) would end up finding their way into the book exchanges between her and Sayo. Upon seeing these books appear in her stash, Sayo could only mutter Hina's name under her breath.

7- Because of her dislike of black coffee, I'd imagine that she would have a noticeable distaste for anything bitter. Imagine the sensual nightmare she suffered when Eve offered her some authentic Finnish salmiakki.

8- I'd imagine that Tsugu would be a virtual jack-of-all-trades when it comes to playing other instruments, apart from the keyboard (for extra Tsugurific points). In addition to the keyboard, She has experience with the guitar, bass, and drums, as well as some other non-rock-related instruments (such as the flute and clarinet).

9- Tsugu watched shonen anime with the Udagawa siblings, ever since they were all little (and they still watch such anime now, even after Tsugu's tastes have shifted towards shoujo). Something about an ordinary underdog rising to the top with nothing but hard work and spirit just speaks to her, even before starting the band. Works like My Hero Academia and other such underdog stories would be right up Tsugu's alley.

10- One time, while at the park, Tsugu was quick to attract a bunch of squirrels and chipmunks to her (thanks to her Tupperware box full of mixed nuts that she was planning on snacking on). The rest of Afterglow got pictures of the frankly-adorable incident, and Moca still likes to claim that Tsugu was simply "one of them" and the squirrels/chipmunks were simply "reclaiming their queen". It's how Tsugu became squirrel-coded by the rest of Afterglow (and even people outside of Afterglow).

#fusion's thoughts #fusion's headcanons #bang dream #bandori #tsugumi hazawa #afterglow

[pebiejeebies]

Soo I wanna talk about my (possibly) chronic illness, because I’m so tired of this.

My reason to self diagnose: I have to self diagnose, my dad doesn’t believe in “disorders and disabilities (specifically ones like chronic illness, he normalized it in such a horrific way, it made me feel like I was an odd one out when I realized how healthy everyone else is)” *please don’t hate him, we don’t have money for much things anyways, it’s fine*

If you hate self diagnosis, just leave and spare both of us,

For now I wanna talk about what makes me feel like I have chronic illness, and that is literally being sick, I’ll be generally talking about everything painful/tiring that has been affecting me for over a year now..

TW: Mentions self harm/hate, gore, of gag/spit/vomit, dizziness, unease, etc. if you are sensitive to this topic please read at your own risk,,

Let’s start, so lately ive been accidentally swallowing mucus, all day, all night, to the point I have to breathe from my mouth, which COMPLETELY destroys my smell and taste. Especially when I get the common cold..

Barely any mucus comes from my nose, it’s almost ALWAYS my throat and saliva, to the point I started to think my saliva and mucus have been completely combined now. Like.. literally.

my breath always stinks, minty tastes really sucks and I hate toothpaste, I hate the mint and the texture, I’ve tried some things like these little bottles of meds for the cold, but they NEVER worked.

I almost always have a headache, my heartbeat has went from my normal 60/70bpm to 90/120 min/max.. and I always get voice changes, sometimes too deep, sometimes too high, and sometimes I lose my voice.

AND YOU KNOW WHATS FUNNY?! I LOVE SINGING. ITS LITERALLY MY SPECIALTY, MY ONLY TALENT THAT I CAN DO WITHOUT ABANDONING IT LIKE THE REST OF MY FAILED TALENTS, AND IT FUCKING SUCKS SO MUCH WHEN MY VOICE CHANGES.

I’m sorry.

back to my point, when I cry, I feel like my mucus explodes from everywhere, my throat, nose, eyes, and when I blow my nose too hard it hurts my ears for a while.

I’m so tired, I can barely run, I don’t wanna say I have asthma, but maybe I’m just not energetic and lazy.. or something.. and I CANT. I repeat.. I CANT. SLEEP.

It’s almost physically impossible (unless I stay up for too long to the point I slowly faint to sleep, which has been normal now for me)

did I mention my constipation? (Maybe this isn’t related, I’m just curious what makes someone chronically ill, especially since I’ve had constipation for around a year now)

I can’t sleep, smell, sing, cry (I hate crying so much, it’s become so terrifying and horrible) laugh, (cause all the mucus chokes me and makes me gag and almost vomit.

oh how I wish I could just rip out my throat and replace my nose and throat for a working one. How I wish I could breathe normally, to smell, to sing properly, to walk properly without my legs hurting or straining, to laugh and cry without choking and gagging, spitting mucus in the bathroom for what seems like 30 minutes, to think properly without a headache, to feel NORMAL again. It’s been a year or two now. Cant I just feel like a normal person again?

God why do I turn everything into a fucking vent.

Edit: does this mean I am chronically ill?

#I’m slowly losing myself #and my headache is killing me #you guys are the only people who can help #I’m so sick of myself #I don’t want to cry #chronic #chronic ill #chronically ill #chronic illness #chronic disability #chronic fatigue #chronic pain #Chronically fatigue #chronically in pain #vent #im tired

[fentrashcat]

Tourettes Awareness Month, day 8!

I forgot how time works and let days 6 and 7 pass wo a post 😅

Today I think I'm just going to talk about my family and how they react to my Tourette's.

Soft TW for some ableism, but it was from ignorance not malice.

⚠️Everyone who has TS or tic disorders will have different experiences, this is just mine.

Grandma

I want to preface this with the fact that my grandma didn't mean anything by this but it was kind of hurtful right after I got diagnosed. When she found out she said "oh I know what that is! There's this guy who comes to the shops and stomps around and chants dirt words under his breath, [grandma's friend] said he has that. Does this mean you're going to start cursing all the time now?"

Now I cursed like a sailor already, but never around my family, ESPECIALLY never around my grandma, and as a newly diagnosed 17yo, that made me really anxious.

Later one when I developed my "duck-duck" tic the first time she heard it she asked "was that what I think it was" and I clarified it was DUCK not FUCK. For the next week or so afterwards, anytime she heard it she'd be like "oh its still good, okay". I made some kind of comment (I don't remember it now, but knowing me I made a joke of it) about how I'd be upset if my happy tic was vulgar, and she stopped mentioning it.

Also when she found out sudden loud noises trigger tics (and saw me ticcing myself dizzy bc thunder), she would always tell me to come over if storms were too much for me, since we live nearby, or she'd text to make sure I was okay in big storms.

Grandpa

So my grandpa has had a lot of growth in the past few years regarding mental health and disabilities, and a lot of it is because he's been around me more. He was often the one to drive me home when I had tic attacks at work. He used to pressure me a lot about not being able to drive, but after seeing how twitchy I get with bad drivers, he kind of dropped it 😅.

I also ended up talking to him about the trouble I had trying to get disability, and later that day he sent me some resources. He also started asking and trying to learn more about my TS, although his timing wasn't always great as he'd ask me during an attack so I usually couldn't answer right away.

Also when I mentioned that I had a good day while at the disability evaluation and should've gone on a bad day he said something like "Yeah, sitting here talking to you like this I'd never know, but I've seen it when it get bad, and it's rough".

Mom

My mom isn't diagnosed but gets tics, it's usually either echolalia, or a response to mine. She mimics the generic Samsung text tone (but hasn't changed it), and will answer some of my tics with something kind of related. A "duck-duck" from me might get a "goose" from her, my "ding" causes her to "dong", my "bing" gets her to "bong".

Whenever I get ticcy around her she tries to help, either distracting me, getting me somewhere I can calm down, or reminding me I don't need to apologize or suppress if she notices me doing that.

I'm running out of energy so just doing these ones for now, might do a part 2 with my Aunt, Cousin, and Baby Cousin. For now though thank you for reading, and feel free to leave an ask if you have any questions 😊

Also forgot to mention if you check out the fentics tag below there's more stuff on tics and Tourettes that I've posted or reblogged.

#fentics #tics and tourettes #actually tourettic #tourettes awareness month #tourette's #tourette syndrome

[acewitch-writes]

Your account is honestly such a breath of fresh air it’s always so nice to find accounts that don’t insist this fanon characterisations of r&s are canon and appreciate the canon characters’ personality bc fanon just takes away all of that interesting stuff and it’s just, I love and appreciate your account 🫶

Thank you!! I appreciate YOU! <3

I just love canon Remus so much. I have always related to him on such a deep level because I'm also chronically ill and disabled and I have always had a hard time making and keeping friends. I know what it's like to feel like a massive burden, to feel unworthy and insecure, to wonder if anyone will ever truly love me when my existence is a hassle on those around me. I was shy and awkward and no matter how hard I tried, I never quite figured out how to be the sort of person that people want to keep around.

Remus embodied all of these traits that I have always hated about myself in such a beautiful, endearing way. He helped me tame the raging self-hatred that consumed me as a teen. He made me feel a little less alone.

But in today's fandom, that Remus has been replaced by an OC that is absolutely nothing like the Remus I have loved since the first time I read HP around 15 years ago. I tried to wait it out, bide my time until the real Remus came back, but I'm starting to worry it's never going to happen. Not when the majority of this fandom insists on using a fanfic as their "canon" source material.

[biglisbonnews]

New Year, Same Chi Chi Ossé was sworn into the NYC City Council just over a year ago on January 1, 2022. At that point, already a beacon of transformation — a party promoter turned activist turned politician, a loud and proud queer college drop-out, the youngest individual to assume the office of city councilor in NYC — Ossé made his way into public office by staying true to his values in the face of change. It’s now the end of Chi Ossé’s first year in office as city councilor to New York City’s 36th District, containing Bed-Stuy and northern Crown Heights. Though he’s still settling in — the walls of his office are bare save for two American flags — the atmosphere is familiar. Now 24, Ossé is the same outspoken advocate who led thousands in a march through Times Square, the same Gen Z jokester who knows the Saucy Santana “Cute Face, Ass Fat” TikTok dance by heart.As organizers know, change is born from consistency. Ossé may have swapped out his trademark black beret for a black, pinned lapel, but he remains outspoken within the establishment, a trailblazer within the well-trodden path. Still, much has changed since Ossé was sworn in last year. Now halfway through his first term, Ossé has enacted his first bill, Intro 56, codifying a program that puts NARCAN behind every bar, and cleaned up the streets of Bed-Stuy with the Rat Action Plan. Despite taking a step back from the Warriors In The Garden collective formed out of 2020's George Floyd protests, Ossé’s promise of relocating police spending into communities remains unwavering, as one of just six city council members to vote against the proposed 2023 city budget that decreased funding to education and increased spending on policing. His perspective hasn’t shifted; it’s widened. Related | Chi Ossé and Keith Powers Want Narcan Kits in Every BarNow announcing his re-election campaign, Ossé intends to continue to make good on his promise of public safety: seeing through current goals in sanitation, public safety and building relationships with constituents, as well as introducing initiatives in transportation equity, freelance worker protections, increased access to PrEP and, of course, police reform. If his first term is about dispelling the community’s distrust in government, his second will be to instill hope.“I’m hoping that we get to see more and more citywide changes in terms of how we perceive public safety and investing in the root causes of violence,” Ossé says of his programs to improve the quality of life of his constituents. “Going into my second term, that’s where I’m going to have to navigate a little bit more and build more partnerships with folks that want to see that future as well.” ​A firm believer in the idea that “the future starts now,” Ossé has already laid the foundation for the future he envisions. He has already introduced the Freelance Isn’t Free Act with 13 sponsors and Intro 0277, which prohibits the police department from deploying strategic response groups (SRG) to nonviolent gatherings. And he's currently drafting ODE NYC, a transit equity program to eliminate bus fares for seniors and disabled folks citywide. “It’s a breath of fresh air. I think it’s something different. It’s something new,” says Sharmaine Byrd Pastor, CEO and founder of Community Conversation and Collaboration Inc., and Bed-Stuy native of Ossé’s first term. As the operator of a local food pantry, Byrd is hopeful for the promises of transportation equity, citing elderly populations' struggle to access resources due to spotty bus service. “There’s definitely some concern there. I think he’s the person to get it done. He’s relentless in what he believes in and what's close to his heart and worth fighting for.” As to his impact beyond the 36th district, Ossé says “the jury’s still out,” but he’s hopeful and humbled by the citywide reception of his first bill, Intro 56, which made him the youngest person, at 24, to pass a bill in the New York City Council. “Having [Intro 56] passed and signed into law and codifying the Narcan Behind Every Bar program, I'm getting messages and DMs from people saying that patrons of their businesses and the businesses that they work at have, because of this program, been saving people's lives.... Seeing how my legislation can create that type of citywide change and that change saving someone's life has been extremely rewarding.”An extension of his own involvement in nightlife as a former party promoter working with venues like Paul’s Baby Grand, Ossé leadership always comes from a place of experience. “I think through legislation, I try to bring my identity to it, and not just my identity, but the views and values and things that people care about within our generation,” Ossé says. “Now, of course, I really work for my entire district with ranges of ages and race and gender, but I also get to legislate through my own identity.”The parallels between Ossé’s lived experience and legislation are readily apparent. A bill against police intervention in nonviolent protests came out of the protests he attended in 2020, while increased protection for freelance workers and creatives emerged from his time as a party promoter and creative. An initiative to increase access to PrEP grew naturally from his experience as a Black gay man on PrEP himself. While some, Ossé included, were wary of the transferable skills between parties and politics (pun intended), Ossé remains in his element by staying true to himself wherever he goes. “There was that feeling from November to January,” Ossé says of the imposter syndrome that set in during the time between his uncontested victory and his first day in office. “As soon as I hit the ground and did this job... I was like, ‘I can do this. Not only can I do this, but I love it.’ And that imposter went away.” ​It doesn’t hurt that he’s on his home turf. Ossé, a Brooklyn native, moved to Crown Heights as a child with his late father, a notable hip-hop podcaster, journalist and music attorney, Reginald Ossé (also known as "Combat Jack") and his mother, the proud owner and operator of The Bakery on Bergen in Prospect Heights. By staying close to his roots, Ossé recognizes that the neighbors he grew up with are different from the constituents he now serves. From historic mainstays of Bed-Stuy and Crown Heights like the Herbert von King Cultural Arts Center (which reopened under Ossé) and The Billie Holiday Theatre to new community hubs like Somewhere Good, Ossé envisions the relationships between culture, community and civic engagement as the city chair of the Committee on Cultural Affairs, Libraries and International Intergroup relations. But building and upholding the cultural legacy of the historically black neighborhoods of Bed-Stuy and northern Crown Heights is no easy task. Between 2010 and 2020, Bed-Stuy lost 22,000 Black residents and gained 30,000 white ones. As pandemic deals come to a close, rising rent prices are even more inaccessible to long-time residents; a 2022 StreetEasy report showed the highest spikes in median rent prices in Bed-Stuy since the real estate search platform began recording them in 2010. In a real estate market of renters, 23.1% of Bed-Stuy residents in 2020 owned the home they lived in, while a low aging population of 10% over 65 could make properties vulnerable to developers. While housing programs like Section 8 and Affordable Housing are controlled by state and city authorities, Ossé is finding ways to incentivize long-time residents to stay and to encourage new neighbors to invest in their local community. Schools, street repairs, parks and a new CT scanner are all recipients of Ossé’s investment of the $5 million of capital allocated for material investments to improve the lives of constituents, while senior programs, economic development and food distribution have received funds from the over half a million dollars allocated for programming. Rather than tip-toeing the tightrope of political posturing, Ossé is taking it in stride, expanding his platform of public safety to include the direct needs of his community. “I think through activism, there can be a lot more excitement, and I think especially around issues like public safety or policing, there's a lot more of a physical aspect to it,” he says. “And now in government, I have to navigate these different agencies and power players that can aid me in my efforts to change something or deter my efforts to change something. It turns into more of a game of chess.”But activism is still on Ossé’s chessboard. Days ahead of Ossé’s re-election announcement, Tyre Nichols was brutally beaten and killed by Memphis PD and Ossé was quick to his feet, finding himself behind the bullhorn again. This time he was calling for the disbanding of the NYPD’s strategic response group (SRG), the “counterterrorist” task force referenced in Ossé’s Intro 0277. As crowds in movement work ebb and flow, the call for justice resounds with the same intensity as in Ossé’s early days of protesting.“Justice for Tyre Nichols does not look like cops going to jail. Real justice for Tyre Nichols would have been him being alive. What real justice looks like for Black people in this country and everywhere is to be able to exist freely and equitably, without discrimination and being met with violence based on the account of race,” said Nupol Kiazolu, an organizer of the January 28 protest, political science major at Hampton University and aspiring public official. “I still have hope, because I understand the impact of local politics, and what can be done. If we have the right people in office that truly understand the necessities of each community and especially the communities that they're from.”While the numbers and faces of marchers may have changed since the summer that sparked Ossé's civic life, Ossé continues to walk the walk. Ossé is measured in his pursuit of change — whether in pulling back the veil on violent policing practices or ridding Bed-Stuy streets of rampant rat infestations. “I said ‘Black Lives Matter’ from the first day that I ran for office,” Ossé said. “It's still consistent with how I work today. The community that I represent is predominantly Black and deserves to have clean streets, deserves to not have rats. I think that affects our quality of life — the quality of Black lives.”​With the campaign trail ahead of him — albeit uncontested — and still in his first term in office, Ossé’s plans are ambitious, but his drive is not for individual success. “I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be,” a phrase Ossé says, has become both a mantra and the title of his winter playlist, with appearances from Genevieve, Weyes Blood and Ice Spice. “I think that when elected officials are looking for the next thing all the time, it distracts from the work that needs to be done in the now. I think there's so much work that is left for me to do and I am so happy and privileged to be in a position to do it.” Photography: Kenyon AndersonStyling: Xavier MeansPhotography assistance: Bryan AntonFashion: Advisry Special thanks: Ketia Jeune https://www.papermag.com/chi-osse-reelection-campaign-2659335784.html

#Politics #Nyc #New york city #Brooklyn #Narcan #Nightlife #Lgbtq #Chi ossé #Kenna McCafferty #PAPER

[bouffees]

Urgent help. (Very long story)

So basically at one point in my life I was extremely obsessed with losing weight and just having a general addiction to the gym. One day I idiotically decided to take a fat burning supplement that contained a herb called ephedra which contains ephedrine. The first day I took it I immediately felt extreme cold sweats and a fast paced heart rate yet it seemed to wear off around 10 mins later so I shrugged it off and seemed it to be anxiety related as I was already anxious to take the pill. The next time I took it was a couple of days later at half the dosage and everything seemed fine at first until towards the end of my workout when everything went wrong. While walking on the treadmill I felt the sensation of my heart dropping to my stomach and immediately got very cold and a very fast heart rate. I tried to calm myself down as my friend has been taking the full dosage for around a week now with no symptoms. My symptoms seemed to not go away as panic set in for me and I began to realize I needed medical attention. I was rushed to the nearest hospital and described what I took. They did a ECG and a blood test for Troponin however both seemed normal and I was sent back home. I was extremely nauseous and on edge yet nothing too serious. The next day towards the night I got the same similar heart drop feeling and was rushed again just to have all tests seem normal again. The doctor stated that I was an adverse reaction to the herb and my body was trying to get rid of it by sweating it out. The next couple Of days I felt horrible and couldn’t get myself to eat I was shaky and nauseous. I booked an appointment with a cardiologist and did every test possible. The echo came back seemingly normal yet with an extremely low amount of LVH (left ventricle hypertrophy) deemed within the normal range by other doctors. I still felt palpations and a weird heart rate so we did a holster test a couple days later just for it to also come back normal. The doctor claimed I was healthy and fine and just to relax and take the medications he asked me to. I was given concor (beta blocker) with a 1.25mg daily dose (very small) and anti depressants just for my anxiety. Things seemed to get better however I was still scarred to death reading about all the adverse affect people my age would experience such as sudden death and permanent disabilities. I would also experience small chest pinches and chest pain for a couple of seconds that didn’t get worse with breathing or laying down. Weeks later everything seemed to be going back to normal however caffine and nicotine would Make me a bit anxious yet I seemed fine this lasted a month or two. Towards that time I began my first year of uni and traveled overseas. During my time there everything was fine and I was extremely happy with going back to my normal life yet a couples of weeks later I got this huge sense of dizziness that seemed life threading sort of. This dizziness would only be resolved by making myself full or eating consistently yet I still experienced a crazy amount of brain fog. I scared myself with some more research and found that the anti-depressant I was taking (escitalopram, cipralix) has a small chance of causing arrhythmias and QT wave prolongnations in the heart. I spoke to my doctor about this and he said that I could stop taking it if I wanted to and everything seemed fine so I tried stopping. After doing so I would take it every two days or so to slowly stop the dose but once I took it I would get the same heart dropping cold sweat feeling I got beforehand and I could never take it again since then. I got severe depression for a while just randomly crying for no reason but the faded away. Doctor also noted that since all tests were negative there was no reason for me to take concor anymore except if I felt anxious. after stopping all of my meds, I started getting this chest pain and extreme anxiety again and with my parents across the sea I started to panic. I eneded up losing a term of university and going back home to run some medical tests and be near my parents for the time. I was at the worst state of my life always crying and feel chest pain accompanied by regular symtomps of heart attacks such as back in pain and pain in arms however they would come and go as they please and sometimes separate from each other. I begged for another echocardiogram and had another one done which I sent to several cardiologist and they all deemed my symomtps to be anxiety related and they stated that’s several teenagers are reporting similar chest pains after the vaccine with no explanation. The last thing we could have possibly checked was my arteries and I did a CT coronary scan with a contrast dye. Everything once again seemed normal and there were no signs of any inflammation. Yet the chest pain and occasional Dizziness still remained and I was sick of hearing that it was anxiety based. I also had somewhat above high average creatinine levels (accompanied by kidney pain) however after drinking a good amount of water my levels went down from 1.19 to 0.97. Now I have no idea what to do. I always fear the chance that doctors may have misdiagnosed me and I have a huge constant fear for my health. I know I am very young for this to happen but the fact that I took the supplements is causing me to think that this has something to do with it. A doctor told me that since I took the pill months ago and done all the related tests it would be too late for something new to occur since then. I realized that a lot of this happend after I stopped my anti-depressant but now I am horrified of taking any SSRI’s because of their potential heart risks and I still fear something very wrong is happening. I have been prescribed a new different type of beta blocker called propanol for anxiety and rescued heart rate but it’s giving me this sense of my heart burning and after I take it I find it hard to breathe for a couple minutes before it goes away. What do you guys think? I have not been able to live normally in forever and always panic and overthink that I may suddenly die the next day.

For general information I am 18 years old and used to be very athletic. I took the pill in august and it’s now december. I she ran these tests throughout the months since.

submitted by /u/Successful-Choice935 [link] [comments] from For issues related to heart disease, cardiac health and cholesterol control https://ift.tt/dTlIDP7

[ajentmm]

CYL4 Refine Theorycrafting (Part 1)

To start things off, I don't think CYL4 units need to refined right now. They still function when in this current meta, they just aren't top tier units. I would wait a year before refining them just so that power creep can drastically change and these guys can be properly balance. At this point, they would ether stomp the meta or be out dated in two years. That said, I've recently came around to the idea that Edelgard and Dimitri do have some weaknesses and I have been inspired by our new CYL6 heroes. So, for my first public theorycraft, I will ride the hype train.

(Edelgard) - (Claude) - (Lysithea)

Dimitri: King of Faerghus

Dimitri's current kit is as follows:

Moon Gradivus: "Unit can counterattack regardless of foe's range. Grants Special cooldown charge +1 per foe's attack during combat. (Only highest value applied. Does not stack. Special cooldown charge granted even if foe's attack deals 0 damage.)"

Noontime - Atk/Def Unity - Blue Lion Rule - Joint Hone Atk

and as a reminder Blue Lion Rule (his perf skill) reads: "If unit's Def > foe's Def, reduces damage from attacks during combat and from area-of-effect Specials (excluding Røkkr area-of-effect Specials) by percentage=difference between stats × 4 (max 40%), and also if foe initiates combat, unit makes a guaranteed follow-up attack."

Dimitri's kit is stacked with great tools to make him a enemy phase punisher (I use punisher rather than tank because he's designed slow certain damage and punish poor match-ups, rather than be immune to everything). Distant counter, Breath, debuff reversal, damage reduction, and auto-follow-ups. That damage reduction is Def based so he can just focus on Def.

The down side to is that he has poor Res at 19 and his Spd of 36 is out matched by most mages. If he had follow-up prevention, he might be able to withstand the first hit thanks to the Def difference with mages giving him 40% reduction, and than heal back with Noontime counterattack. His follow-up can be countered by Null Follow-Up or Impact skills. His Spd is only bad because he has no other skills that increase it.

Seeing as every CYL6 unit get +5 to all stats and some way to get follow-ups (either guaranteed or Null-Follow-Up), Dimitri should get something, especially since Blue Lion Rule takes his C slot. You may notice the HP requirement is related to his Royal Lineage + personal skill.

* this asterisk denotes text in brackets that have been omitted for clearer reading. the effects in the brackets are still present.

"Unit can counterattack regardless of foe's range. Grants Special cooldown charge +1 per foe's attack during combat. * If unit's HP≥25%, Grant Atk/Spd/Def/Res +5 and disable foe's effects that prevent unit's follow-up attacks."

Oh, Spd+5 and player by passing null-follow-up. I thought you wanted to stop the foe from doubling.

Well, that brings me to his next weakness. Now that everyone has damage reduction these days, even mages (Shout out to B!Blyth), Dimitri double tap isn't killing reliably, unless you swap out noontime. By doing that, you lose that self-sustaining power you want in a enemy phase punisher. So, rather than prevent the foe from making a follow-up, we'll just kill them instead. Yes, I'm thinking increasing this special's damage.

"If unit initiates combat, foe's HP ≥75%, and unit's special is triggered, increase damage = 25% of unit's Atk . . .

That's right, Draconic Arua + Noontime. This maybe over kill, which is why the "Foe's HP ≥75%". Why when initiate combat thou? That's because of his crest. In Three House, his crest doubles combat arts damage and weapon durability. Combat arts occur with units' first attack when initiating combat and than prevent unit from making follow-up. I think just giving him Draconic Arua for his first hit is way to strong, so I just made it so it's combined with Noontime. This way, ranged foes can't get nuked, melee foes has a chance to counter attack which would only trigger his specials in his follow-up attack (if he out speeds, which will happen with tanker foes). If they have Guard, they can prevent this boost from happening, since they can't stop his follow-up.

Then where does the "double durability" draw-back come in?

See, I could give him recoil damage after combat, but he's suppose to be a self sustaining unit, (plus it didn't go well with B!Celica and B!Alm (pre-refine)). Instead I though

" . . . but inflicts Atk/Def - 7 on unit after combat for unit's next action or until the end of the turn."

Oh

Yeah, this is a huge penalty that his Unity skill completely flips into a positive that continues into enemy phase. BECAUSE THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP CAN GET YOU THROUGH YOUR OWN WEAKNESSES, STRONGER THAN EVER!

Of course, if you don't have allies near by or you swap out the skill, this is a downside that restricts his strategy. That's why I made the change to the other base effect, incase the player didn't want it but still wanted the boosted stats.

And in the event that IS doesn't plan on doing remixes to Blue Loin Rule, and his enemy phasing isn't working quite well, there's one last effect.

"If unit's HP≤50% or unit has [Penalties] active, unit counterattacks before foe's first attack."

Yeah, I did just gave him Battalion Vantage, the breath was already Battalion Wrath anyway. With this change to the order, Dimitri gets one attack in before the foe's attack, then Dimitri's follow-up, and then the foe's follow-up, if they are still alive from two +22 Atk hits. This would give him SP count of 3, just like when he initiates combat. This means you can run Sol over Noontime.

To put it together for the TLDR

"Unit can counterattack regardless of foe's range. Grants Special cooldown charge +1 per foe's attack during combat. * If unit's HP≥25%, Grant Atk/Spd/Def/Res +5 and disable foe's effects that prevent unit's follow-up attacks. If unit initiates combat, foe's HP ≥75%, and unit's special is triggered, increase damage = 25% of unit's Atk, but inflicts Atk/Def - 7 on unit after combat for unit's next action or until the end of the turn. If unit's HP≤75% or unit has [Penalties] active, unit counterattacks before foe's first attack."

Strengths:

More reward for triggering his specials after getting hit by the foe.

More stats (namely Spd and Res) and null follow-up

Synergy with other skills

Weaknesses:

Mages and Dragons

Units with Desperation, Guard, Tempo, Hardy Baring, Precharged specials, Null-Damage Reduction.

A tank that reduces Atk or follow up damage.

(Edelgard) - (Claude) - (Lysithea)

#theorycrafting #game design #fire emblem heroes

[crippledfaggot]

new update post:

i first got COVID in late June. only symptoms were body aches, fatigue, and shortness of breath. i quarantined for a month and went back to work at the end of July with two inhalers to help deal w the lingering symptoms. i worked for about 2.5 weeks before i started feeling even worse and first started having a bad cough. i went in to see my GP on the 18th of August where she gave me antibiotics for an secondary upper respiratory infection. on the 23rd i went into ER where they found pneumonia and redid the nose swab COVID test. on 26th i found out im COVID posi again/still and have been in quarantine since. on 31st i went back to ER since the symptoms were even worse and i had finished the antibiotics. i found out the pneumonia was gone and was told to just deal and given cough syrup and tylenol.

today i went back to my GP. i have been so exhausted that i sleep 10+ hours a night and then take multiple naps a day. my cough is still really bad and i often feel as if im breathing through gravel. my body aches are severe enough that even the max amount of tylenol isnt touching it at all. she is testing me for mono to rule out a secondary viral infection and ordering a chest CT to make sure there isn't any lung damage missed by an x-ray. i am also being referred to rheumatology and opthalmology to hopefully get my non-COVID related symptoms under control. she is having me stay home from work for at least a month (till 10/11) but is saying she doesnt know when or if my symptoms will subside. she is helping me get on temporary disability but that is less than 50% of my income.

my partner, @dresdenthemaenad, and i really need your help. my partner, Lisandro, is a mentally ill brown trans latinx immigrant who has not been able to get a job for over a year now, something that COVID has made a million times worse. Dresden is my best friend, my soulmate, and is a disabled Black trans person who was supposed to move in w us back at the beginning of July due to an abusive family situation, but because of me getting COVID is now stuck in Alabama (whole story on GoFundMe). i am a white crippled trans person who has been the sole provider for our family till i was laid out by COVID. our little family is really struggling.

if you are able to help please donate to either my partner's or @dresdenthemaenad's paylinks or the GoFundMe that we set up for Dresden's move.

Dresden's GoFundMe: (link)

Dresden's Venmo: @blackramboi

Dresden's CashApp: $blackramboi

Lisandro's Venmo: @L-cuervo

Lisandro's CashApp: $SPadfoot

Lisandro's PayPal: [email protected]

for any new updates check out my #update tag

#signal boost #covid help #covid recovery #black trans lives matter #blm #black lives matter #donations #please help #p #update

[coulson-is-an-avenger]

kisses 21 jm!

For the prompt “we’ll face this together” kiss. TY SAHAR!!! OKAY I accidentally had one (1) jonbinary idea and then it ended up being SO FUCKING LONG (like 2.5k long) so uh. yeah. Warnings for descriptions of dysphoria, mentions of kidnapping and self loathing, and Jon getting pretty close to a panic attack. Also disclaimer, although I am nonbinary, I’m not transfem, so if there’s any critiques surrounding that, don’t hesitate to let me know. Stay safe y’all!

Jon’s face itches as he faces the mirror like an old foe. It’s long held an image that hurts him to see; aged by unfathomable horrors and dotted with marks like a canvas before a child’s paint tipped fingers, and these days he can’t even be sure that his reflection looks away from him when he turns his head. But, the devil it holds at the moment is the simple reflection of his short beard, and his face itches at the reminder of it.

It isn’t a physical itch. It lurks under the skin, poking and prodding at his senses, rubbing him the wrong way as he lays his cheek on his pillow, leaving a distracting echo when his chin brushes against Martin’s during a kiss, scraping at the inside of his skin as he stares at himself and takes in the sight of it covering his chin.

He scrubs his fingers over his eyelids. He isn’t ignorant, he realizes the discomfort he feels is most likely somewhat gender-related, but it’s… his relationship with his gender is complicated. In a lot of ways, it’s been such a mundane concern recently that he’s somewhat lost track of where he stands with it, but he remembers how it felt to first wear a skirt into the archives, all those long years ago. How gentle Sasha had been with him back then, even if the memory pinches the back of his head and grins with too many teeth and a short haircut that he knows now was wrong. But the Stranger cannot take that act of kindness away from her, even if it took away the face he remembers sharing it with.

He had felt like he was becoming something new, then, staring at a new path, freshly paved in his life, open to the possibilities of self discovery and certainty. Then his life had been riddled with worms and his friends had been carved out, one by screaming one, and he was on the run and set alight and kidnapped and disabled and nearly killed and kidnapped again and nearly killed and—

Jon remembers, vaguely, a flash of what had happened in the month he was… gone. He doesn’t remember most of what happened in that place. Probably for the better, he tells himself, but he does recall one thing. One very simple thing, really; that he hadn’t been able to shave, and he remembers the itch being all he could focus on for days at a time.

One of the first things he had done after stumbling through Michael-now-Helen’s door-not-deathtrap was drag himself to a sink and shave his face raw, burned hand be damned. His skin had suffered afterwards, nicked and irritated beneath its smoothness, and he had taken some strange, morbid comfort in the blemish he was able to inflict, after so many days of hearing hollow voices sing of its beauty.

This is a dangerous line of thought, he realizes, hands pressed against the bathroom sink, his heartbeat starting to pound in his ears. He desperately does not want to think about that, not here, and preferably not ever again, if he can help it.

He tries to bring himself back to the here and now, grounding himself in the feeling of porcelain under his palms, but the victory over his mind is a hollow one, unfortunately, as it brings him right back to the itching under his skin.

He’s not sure if this itch is exasperated by his own self consciousness, or by the lingering sting of the Lonely that threatened to separate him from himself, but it builds until its all he can feel in his skin, on his face, and he finds himself lunging across the counter, knocking things over in an attempt to hunt down Martin’s razor.

Jon had lost his own somewhere in the chaos of living in the archives, but he’s sure he saw Martin trim his own short beard when they first arrived at the safehouse, so it must be here, he thinks, ripping open drawers, it must— aha!

His fist closes around the razor, hidden under the sink next to a small bottle of shaving cream and Martin’s testosterone shots, and he barely gives a thought to what he’s doing before raising it to his dry cheek, just needing this thing off, and—

“Jon? You know that’s not how to do that, right?”

Jon whips around like lightning, his back to the sink and the razor clenched in his fist against his chest like a talisman, breathing heavily.

Martin had been smiling slightly as he entered the bathroom, but the expression quickly falls from his face as he takes in the panicked look on Jon’s face, and the erratic motion of his free hand, clenched into a fist at his side and twitching in an attempt to calm himself. Martin steps forward quickly, outstretching a hand.

“Jon, love? Are you alright?”

Jon fixes his eyes on Martin; kind, beautiful Martin who still goes a bit grey at the fingertips and the eyes when anxiety seizes him, Martin who has always been there, always been there, ever since the beginning. Jon anchors himself as he looks at that familiar, beloved face, and tries to take a breath.

“I-I don’t know,” He manages, because this all feels very silly now. He’s a grown person standing in the center of a bathroom, clutching his boyfriend’s shaving razor like it’s a weapon, for God’s sake, all because of what? Some facial hair? Good Lord, he’s being ridiculous. “Probably, I just… um.” He trails off, gut sinking as emotions spiral through him, too fast to pin down and name.

“Okay,” Martin says gently, shuffling a step closer. “Why do you have that?” He gestures to the razor in Jon’s hand, and Jon twitches, holding it closer.

“I need to borrow it,” He explains, stumbling. “I can’t- I need-“ He makes a frustrated noise and tries to get his thoughts to align. He inhales deeply and tries again. “I need to …shave. This-“ he gestures jerkily towards his face. “This is too much.”

Martin nods carefully, eyes glued to Jon’s face. “Too much?” His question is as gentle as his eyes, and Jon has to glance away for a moment, overwhelmed by being seen.

“It’s… complicated,” He begins, the fist pressed to his chest beginning to lighten up. “It… it just itches, all the time. Like- like a thousand ants under my skin, w-which is ridiculous because it doesn’t actually hurt or itch or- or anything, it just…” he glances back to Martin’s eyes, furtive and desperate for him to understand. “I need it to stop.”

“Oh,” Martin softens even more before Jon’s eyes, his face melting with understanding and sadness. “Oh, Jon. I didn’t realize you were having dysphoria.”

At the word dysphoria Jon glances sharply up, uncertainty fraught on his face, and Martin backtracks quickly.

“Or- s-sorry, I didn’t mean to assume. Is it-”

“N-no, Martin, it-it’s fine.” Jon waves Martin’s nerves aside and finds that he finally has a decent enough hold on his own to lower the hand that had been pressed against his chest. He turns around in the bathroom and sits down on the edge of the bathtub, sighing heavily. “It might be dysphoria, I don’t…” He hesitates, chuckling slightly. “I’m not quite sure I know it well enough to place it. Gender hasn’t exactly been… a priority these days.”

Martin nods and follows him deeper into the bathroom, setting down the lid of the toilet so he can sit on it and listen to Jon blunder through his feelings.

“It might be? I mean… I know I’m not a man, per say, but it… I mean, it could also be so many other things at this point. It’s just- I know it’s stupid to overthink, but—“

“Hey, hey,” Martin cuts him off, extending a hand to brush against the side of his knee. “It isn’t stupid, Jon. You don’t have to have a label or a reason in order to be uncomfortable. It’s- you’re allowed to call it just that; uncomfortable.”

Jon nods, looking down at the hands clasped in his lap.

“I know. It just hit me so suddenly, I-” He sighs, rubbing a hand over his forehead, careful to avoid brushing any of the hairs on his face. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize,” Martin murmurs, and his hand rests more solidly on Jon’s knee. “Is this alright?”

Jon nods mutely, and lets himself expel some more of the tension in his shoulders as he focuses on the motion of Martin’s thumb sweeping softly over his knee.

“It reminds me of the circus,” Jon breathes after a moment of silence, and Martin’s hand stills against him, attentive and horrified. “When- when they…” He inhales sharply, willing his voice not to break. “Well, I couldn’t very well shave it,” He clenches his hands into fists again, still holding the razor tightly in his right. “Got it off as quickly as possible once I could.”

Martin exhales. “I remember that. I thought you just… I dunno, just really nicked yourself. I didn’t think about… yeah.”

“Yes,” Jon agrees, keeping his gaze on the hand on his knee. “I-I mean, I definitely did, nick myself that is. I wasn’t really thinking about doing it properly, I suppose.”

“Like just now?” Martin asks, kindly, gently, not judging. Jon feels his chest pinch anyways.

“Yes.” He admits quietly. Martin leans down to press a careful kiss to Jon’s knee.

“Okay, well, this time we’ll do it properly,” Martin raises himself from the toilet seat, reaching down into the cupboards to pull forth the shaving cream and a towel, and holds them out towards Jon.

Jon blinks, looks at the objects and then up at Martin, unsure of what’s being offered. “Sorry?”

“You still want the beard off, right? Let’s just make sure you don’t upset your skin,” He cracks a humorous smile. “Then it’ll actually start itching.”

Jon takes the can from his hand, but still frowns. “Us?”

“I- yeah,” Martin shifts his weight, fidgeting with the towel. “I can help, if that’s alright with you. You don’t… always seem to handle mirrors the best? And I’ve helped shave another person before so… yeah. If you want.”

Jon’s world stutters to a blushing halt. Martin’s right, he doesn’t like to linger on his face in mirrors even on the best days (of which today is certainly not one) and as much as he’s accustomed to doing this himself, what Martin is promising is intimate; an extension of vulnerability and the promise of a care that he hardly takes with himself. The more he considers it, the more finds himself tentatively wanting it, and he nods carefully. He trusts Martin, he’s decided a thousand times by now.

“Alright,” He agrees, and smiles.

Martin smiles in response. “Alright. Do you want me to um-” He gestures with the towel in his hand, and Jon nods.

Martin makes quick work of running the towel under the tap until it’s warm, and then wringing it out so it’s ready to actually use. He takes his seat again and tips Jon’s head back with a hand to lay the towel gently overtop, letting the warmth seep into his skin. It’s more effort than Jon usually puts in, or used to, when he did this more regularly, but he finds it’s a nice feeling, and he almost misses it when Martin takes the towel away again.

“Right,” Martin continues, looks pointedly to the can of shaving cream in Jon’s hand and Jon hesitates.

“Ah. Maybe not that part? Th-the actual shaving is fine, but-”

“Oh! Yeah, of course,” Martin nods, not questioning, and reaches forward instead to gently take the razor itself from Jon’s fist so he can use both hands to get the shaving cream on his face. Jon surrenders the razor, forcing himself to trust it in Martin’s hands, to trust that Martin won’t just leave him hanging.

He tries not to think too hard about the feeling of the cream on his skin. It’s a far cry from lotion, so it doesn’t bring up any sense memories, thankfully, but it’s still an uncomfortable texture, and he focuses on the sound of Martin’s breathing to keep himself from slipping.

Fortunately it doesn’t take long; soon enough Jon’s finished, wiping his hands on his trousers, and then Martin’s shifting closer, taking Jon’s face in his hands like it’s something precious, something to be loved and cared for. He is very close, his dark brown eyes nearly black with focus as he gently reaffirms that Jon’s sure about this, and then the cool razor swipes across Jon’s cheek.

Jon’s heart lurches in his chest, a messy combination of nerves and gratefulness, but he doesn’t flinch, doesn’t move at all, and just watches Martin focus with gentle certaintly as the blade passes over his cheeks again and again in careful, confident strokes. His fingers whisper at Jon’s chin when he tilts up his head and swipes the blade carefully up the top of his throat, brow furrowed and tongue poking out of his lips in concentration.

Jon holds his breath, wills his heart to still, but it’s alright, with Martin it’s always alright. His hands are warm as they cup his cheeks, tilt him this way and that, thorough in their task, and his fingertips are gentle as they lift his chin and brush away foam and ghost over his throat. He never even comes close to nicking him, and Jon feels a great warmth unspooling in his chest, stinging his eyes.

“All done,” Martin finishes triumphantly, his face breaking into a grin as he hands Jon the towel again, lets him wipe off his own face.

There’s no coarse texture as the fabric touches his face, no itching or discomfort as it drags over his chin, and the steady drumbeat of wrongness that had pervaded him for weeks finally, finally dissipates, unblocking his lungs and releasing the tightness from his shoulders. He runs a hand over his chin, and finds a shy smile quickly taking over his face, affection and relief filling him up from the inside out and spilling onto his features.

“Thank you,” He breathes, and Martin matches his smile with one of his own, and nods, nothing but respect and affection in his eyes.

“Any time,” Martin says seriously, before reaching out to take Jon’s hand and slowly bringing it to his lips, giving Jon ample time to pull away. “You don’t have to struggle with this stuff alone,” He murmurs against Jon’s knuckles. “It’s easier together.”

“I suppose you’re right,” Jon’s response is quiet, and Martin kisses his hand then; gentle, and full of reverence. Jon finds that he could melt right into the floor and be happy for the rest of his life.

He reaches up to pull Martin down into a kiss, gentle and insistent and grateful, lacing his hands in his hair and sighing against his lips at the sensation, noting how nice it feels to kiss his boyfriend without his itching skin pressing at his thoughts.

The kiss stays chaste, and eventually Jon pulls back just enough to press their foreheads together, keeping his eyes closed, reveling in it. “Together, then.” He affirms, and Martin smiles.

“One way or another.”

#sorry this took forever but in my defense im insane so here we are #the magnus archives #tma #jonmartin #tma fic #jonmartin fic #jonbinary #nonbinary jonathan sims #gender dysphoria #YES it’s a shaving fic ok listen. listen. im 🥺 #my writing #answered #set in the safehouse!!

[celeste-clearwater-06]

Hello! I was wondering if you could please write something about how the Fellowship (+ Thorin?) Would help a s/o who's Disabled and Chronically ill. Like she has a lot of symptoms like chronic pain, chronic fatigue, difficulty sleeping, difficulty breathing at times, difficulty walking at times, higher sensitivity to the cold, difficulty talking at times, and anxiety, depression and executive dysfunction?

I've been really struggling with my chronic illnesses lately, namely my Autism, Anxiety, Sleep Apnea, a really bad Overbite, Raynaud's Syndrome, Asthma, etc, so I'd really appreciate an Imagine like this. I have a really weird disorder where one of my legs is longer than the other, and it's been causing me a lot of pain and difficulty walking lately, and people have been bullying me for it a lot too, so I could really use a Comfort Imagine right now. Thanks so much hun!!

It's no problem! I'm glad I can provide some comfort!! For each character, I'll use a specific struggling area, to make it a bit easier!! I hope I got these accurate enough, and of there are any mistakes, feel free to point them out!! You are strong, beautiful and so, so amazing!! Keep being you!! ❤❤

Help (The Fellowship// Thorin x Fem!Reader)

Aragorn (Autism)

Aragorn has known you for a long time, so helping with your autism is not new for him

He's particularly experienced in reading your emotions and meeting your needs, whether it's helping you out of stressful situations or calming you down, he's there 🥺

If there are large and boisterous gatherings in Rivendell, its almost guaranteed that you can become over-stimulated quickly, and Aragorn immediately senses this (spidey senses õoõ)

He's fast to find your hand and give it a gentle squeeze of reassurance

If that doesn't seem to help, he'll instantly stop what he's doing and take you out of the room

If you're someone who prefers lots of space and little physical contact, he is 100% respectful of this and asks if you'll let him touch or hug you (very much gentleman 😌)

If ever you're confronted by someone of importance, Aragorn is right by your side to ease some of the tension

Sometimes there are things you find difficult to say or get out of your system

The king seems to know exactly what it is and will help you out by saying it or asking you simple questions that you can easily answer

And he always reminds you, no matter WHAT

YOU ARE NOT STUPID 😤😡

You may struggle with some parts of your life, but every day, he's constantly telling you that you're very intelligent and kind

His patience is unending and he'll never let you think down on yourself

Overall, Aragorn is always someone and reminding you that it's all going to be okay ❤❤

Legolas (Anxiety)

Most nights, Legolas keeps watch (since elves don't require much sleep) and notices that you jolt awake out of the random

Now, most of the Fellowship notices that you're usually awake and ready to go before anyone else

But Legolas is really the one to address you first

You were a bit nervous to explain, since you didn't want to worry him or the great of the fellowship, amount the other disadvantages you have

He gently encouraged you, and finally, you explained to him your sleep apnea

Yeah, he was very concerned

I mean, his blue eyes widened with terror when you told him that you could basically die in your sleep if you weren't attentive enough 🙃

Legolas, from now on, sleeps directly next to you, or keeps extra careful watch over you at night

Because he could NEVER see his precious mortal friend become injured... Or worse 🥺🥺❤

The other members had noticed a change in his behaviors towards you as well...

Gimli teased him whenever he caught Legolas giving you some extra lembas bread or offered to carry you 👉👈

You really tried to assure Legolas that it wasn't a big deal when you were awake, since you're aware of your breathing situation

But still 😤

Legolas will always bring you comfort and take great care of you, and that will NEVER CHANGE

Because he loves you very much ❤🦋

Frodo (Anxiety)

Frodo is familiar with the feeling of great anxiety, seeing he had a stress-free life while living in the Shire and suddenly was forced to carry a piece of jewelry all the way to giant ass volcano

It's easy for you two to comfort each other and seek refuge in thoughts and feelings ❤

He's not super comfortable with the thought of you having a panic attack though...

Only because he's never had one

It starts to give him a panic attack whenever you have one around him the first time 😳-

Any time you begin to breathe heavy or hyperventilate, halfling boy is hot at your heels, rubbing your back and reminding you to breathe gently

(So many hugs, if you're up for it)

After you calm down, he's constantly checking on you, asking if you need anything etc.

Really, he just wants to know if he can help 🥺

And even with the weight and stress of carrying the ring, Frodo manages to cheer you up somehow

Samwise (Asthma)

Sam has never had to deal with asthma once in his life

He's very nervous when the subject is brought, afraid it might trigger something inside of you 🥺👉👈

But you just chuckle, assure him that it's alright, and you have ways of keeping it under control

And now, he wants to know everything about it, just to have the awareness in case something happens

Sam just wants to protect you forever, and this was a great way for him to start

He constantly reminds Aragorn that you'll need breathing breaks and will convince Gandalf to let you ride on his horse

He'll scold Pip and Merry if they are trying to drag you around and be silly, because as he says

"You'll rouse him/her/them up! We can't have Y/N gettin injured!" 🤨😠

Sam is MOM

As always, he's very kind and always makes sure your needs are met ❤🥺

Pippin and Merry (Raynaud's Syndrome)

Very confused halfings 🤔

Also extremely concerned!

You were eating one of the lesser pleasurable nights

It was cold and rainy, and a fire couldn't be started, not to mention the quiet arguments of Aragorn and Gandalf in the nearby woods

And Pip's eyes widened when he saw the tips of your petite fingers begin to pale upon hearing Aragorn mention Orcs

"What's wrong with your hands?!" He squeaked, pointing towards your now white-colored fingertips

You hadn't even noticed, nor felt, considering they were numb anyways

Merry looked over his cousin's shoulder and his eyes also widened, not with fright, but wonder

They were both fascinated with your condition, convinced that you were casting some spell Gandalf showed you

Although you reassured them it was just an extremely frustrating inconvenience that you had, among other things

So from then on, the disastrobus duo did their best to keep you out of the cold (and stressful situations!!)

As a distraction, the pair will tell you great stories of the shire, doing little dances and skits that always cheer you up 🥴

Sometimes, they can be a little rambunctious though...

Merry will pick up on this fact quickly, and nudge Pippin to get him to calm down

Even though it may not feel the best

They find your syndrome absolutely fascinating!! 🤔🤔

All in all, these two are always up for keeping your beautiful smile on your face and your spirits high!! ❤🌺

Boromir (Depression)

Throughout the journey, Boromir has always found an easy way to make you smile

After all, he himself has a fascinating way of brightening anyone's spirits

Yours included ❤

Boromir may not have great stories from The Shire, like Pip and Merry, but he sure has a lot of positive things to say

He'll often suggest sparring with the two troublemaking halflings, just so you can see him goof up and get knocked over 🥺

If the nights become cold and weary, he'll give you a warm hug or a nudge on the shoulder

And a few words of helpful encouragement along the lines of;

"Don't fret Y/N. You have more strength than you'll ever know."

"Let our spirits never dampen! We've come this far!" 😊

He's also an incredible listener

Boromir wants to hear what you have to say if you ever need to rant or get something off of your chest

And don't think for a second that he would ever judge you 😤

Son of Gondor sees past all of your insecurities and knows you for your beautiful, amazing self ❤❤

Gimli (Walking disadvantages)

As you travel across great plains and mountains, your limp doesn't go unnoticed by Gimli

It may take him a while to open up about it, since he's afraid he might offend you in some way

And once he asks you, you inform him that it's a difficulty that unfortunately cannot be changed any time soon

And where you come from, lots of people tease and bully you about it

He did NOT handle it well 😳

"wHAT BLUBBERING DULL-MINDED PIGNUTS-" 🤬

Although this Dwarf is short and a bit slow at times

He's fascinatingly strong 😳

And so, he makes it his duty to be your designated carrier 🥺

At first, your a tad skeptical...

I mean, he's only around 4 feet tall...

BUT HAVE YOU SEEN HIM THROW THAT HUGE AX AROUND?!

Gimli will happily carry you great distances when you need a break, and even longer

(Sometimes it's just to show off around the others-)

"Gimli, are you sure you don't want a break?"

"Aye lass! The strength of Dwarves is unending!" 😌

*struggling to breathe*

11/10, fantastic dwarf, will never let you down!!

Thorin (Executive Dysfunction)

Another Dwarf??

Absolutely

Thorin himself has trouble keeping composure with his time management (and sense of direction 🙄)

This means that he'll have an undying amount of patience for you and you only

There's just something about you that he fond of, and it fills in that little sassy, brooding place in his heart

Can also relate to you whenever you grow frustrated at the setback of your journey or lack of sleep

Is 100% willing to help you find your lost belongings (and once again, ONLY YOU)

Thorin will literally make the whole traveling party stop so that you can put something in your bag and make sure that you put it somewhere you'll remember

Always happy to give you extra gentle reminders of keeping your pack closed

The company is utterly SHOCKED with how he treats you

I mean, this man has always been extremely stubborn and hard headed

But when you show up, it's another person he can easily relate and share frustrations with

Also a master at organization?!? 🤔

The one thing he could do successfully was organizing the damn journey and traveling company, so ofc he's gonna be good at that 😂

Yeah, Thorin definitely has a soft spot for you

King under the mountain will never run out of patience and kindness for you 😌💙

Sorry these took so long!! I hope you like them!! ❤❤

#thorin oakenshield #frodo baggins #xreader #gimli #legolas #merry brandybuck #pippin took x reader #pippin took #thorin oakenshield x reader #legolas x reader #gimli x reader #aragorn x reader #aragorn #frodo+x+reader #merry brandybuck x reader #boromir x reader #boromir #headcanons #mental illness #autismn awareness #executive dysfunction #lotr x reader #the hobbit

[aeolian-mode]

my grievances with BNHA

(Spoilers below) I’m long-winded today cos I had some Thoughts to get off my chest in regards of how I feel about the storytelling of BNHA.

TL;DR: I don’t think Horikoshi understands the value of ma. Maybe he believes that his target audience would grow impatient, and I have to remind myself that BNHA is a shonen and is made for young people and my storytelling tastes probably aren’t what he’s marketing towards- but I still think there is a lot that could be improved about BNHA if Horikoshi spent a little bit more time in the slow moments, and valuing the emotions and relationships of the characters instead of rushing to the next plot point. He also made way too many characters, which is typical of shonen, but the more characters he has to cover, the harder it is for him to provide content for all the people who have picked a favorite character out of the sprawling cast. Everyone is forced to find satisfaction in table scraps, but if he stuck to a strong core cast, there would be plenty to go around. Long version:

"Ma” is an extremely important storytelling concept. Ma is the Japanese word for 'negative space.' In visual art, negative space is the empty places on the canvas where there's nothing important to look at. After all, if every single square inch of your canvas was filled with something exciting to look at, like character faces or action scenes, your illustration would be very hard to take in at a glance, there'd be no distinction of character silhouettes and nothing would be readable. The same concept applies to storytelling. You need ma to achieve a greater emotional impact when the heavy, loud moments occur.  Let's take a look at how Hayao Miyazaki of Studio Ghibli writes ma. In My Neighbor Totoro, 80% of the film is slow-paced slice of life moments where two sisters explore their new house, and discover supernatural creatures living peacefully beside them. Then, at the end of the movie, something distressing and horrible happens to the two sisters' mother, who has been hospitalized since the beginning of the film. The film's final 20 minutes or so are about them discovering this distressing event, and the emotional climax of the film feels extremely powerful because we were given time to live with these sisters, observe their peaceful daily life, and grow attached to them. Suddenly, something important to them became jeopardized, and we care. 

Miyazaki often uses ma with food. Characters cook for each other, or eat together. The detail of the food in the animation is often exquisite. Miyazaki and the Ghibli animators want us to notice the way light refracts through the glossy surface of an egg on toast, or the lines of fat on bacon sizzling in a pan. He wants us to exist in these quiet moments of daily life.

I can't tell you the last time My Hero Academia actually had an extended scene of ma. Maybe it was the bench scene, where Eraserhead and All Might share a moment. It was a powerful scene in the manga, and it was powerful because it wasn’t about the plot at all. It was about the intimacy between two characters who have grown close over shared adversity, and All Might struggling to find purpose in his hard life. After this scene, however, the story has been one distressing event after another without any breaks to breathe. And, since it has so many characters, it has failed to prioritize the emotions of significant characters. How did Eri feel when Aizawa was maimed? Who is watching her? How did Inko feel when she saw her son mangled, even after All Might promised to protect and raise him? How much raising has All Might actually done in Midoriya’s life? It seems every time the two of them have a conversation, it’s about One for All, not about Midoriya’s growth into manhood or his emotional development as a suffering teen who’s picked the world’s worst profession. Will we get assurance on the safety and wellbeing of favorite heroes like Fatgum and the Big 3?  Will Mic and Aizawa properly grieve Midnight? What about the rest of the UA staff? How does Nezu feel when UA was turned into a safe haven for civilians? How have the parents of all these students processed all this grief? How has Class 1-A handled their painful struggle? The story has been, instead: >heavy, distressing, lengthy action sequences where everyone is hurt >immediately following that, a prison breakout >immediately following that, scattered moments of characters in a hospital with dramatic flashbacks of their lives and burdens, yet none of them fleshed out to their fullest potential because there’s too many injured characters >immediately following that, heavy and intense emotions all focused on the plot of One for All, yet All Might is a mute ghost and has no actual bonding with Midoriya since they don’t even speak to each other >immediately following that, more heavy and intense emotions as Horikoshi rushes to show that Izuku is gone and has slapped together letters about his departure >immediately following that, more villains attacking heroes and civilians because of the prison break. There has been no ma. We haven't had a single quiet moment that isn’t focused on bulldozing into the next plot point or action sequence. What about a scene like Eraserhead sharing a meal with Eri, or talking to her calmly about life? How about the neglected characters like Fatgum and the Big 3 recovering in their own way? How about the moms of all these hurt children actually coming in and getting involved in their lives? How about the students of class 1-A trying to do something fun to diffuse the tension and show how they have grown close as friends or a found family? Sometimes Horikoshi tries to show ma in tiny snapshots rather than entire scenes; for example, there's a snapshot in one of the earlier chapters of Aizawa putting Eri's hair in a hair tie. This is a single panel. It's not enough to have a single panel. What we needed was an entire scene or chapter dedicated to Aizawa and Eri and Friends. Show her with her found family, show her going out in town or playing with a cat or talking to Mirio or Aizawa for an extended period of time. Show us scenes about nothing particularly important. 

When your story is plot, plot, plot, you're deciding that human moments and human interactions aren't important. And at the end of the day, no one watches a show for the plot. They come to be validated as a person, and relate to the characters. I came to MHA because I relate to All Might, his disability, and his desire to be strong and fight through his suffering so he can selflessly help other people. That character resonated with me. I saw myself on the screen. Unfortunately MHA stopped being what I came to see a long time ago. I’m here because I like drawing my favorite characters, and the fandom has introduced me to a lot of wonderful friends, I’m not ready to give it up. But I wish it had more of what I was hoping to get out of it.  I understand that making a manga is extremely difficult. And I understand tons of people enjoy it and have no issues with it whatsoever- all power to you! I just haven’t gotten what I was personally hoping to get, and this is why. :( ANNNND SEASON 5 JUST STARTED AND IT’S AN ENTIRE SEASON OF CHARACTERS I DOOOOON’T CARE ABOUT AT ALLLLL! HEY WE REALLY NEEDED AN ENTIRE SEASON DEDICATED TO CLASS 1-B CHARACTERS THAT ARE COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY IRRELEVANT AFTERWARDS, THEREFORE WASTING SCREEN TIME ON FORGETTABLE UNIMPORTANT SIDE CHARACTERS INSTEAD OF THE CORE CAST THAT WE DESPERATELY NEED CONTENT ABOUT ALSO THANKS FOR FORGETTING ABOUT DADMIGHT HORIKOSHI  

#aeo rants #blog #text post

[scrawnytreedemon]

Neurodivergency, and Sephiroth

Right, I’m going to see if I can try and explain why this reading appeals to me.

For some background, I’ve watched a full silent LP of the OG, watched Advent Children, and am largely familiar with his characterisation in Crisis Core(though it gets a bit patchy in some areas). I am not familiar with his characterisation in KH, Dissida, or any other spinoff appearances.

I’m going to be looking at this with an autistic lens, as, hey, I’m autistic, however much of these patterns aren’t exclusive to autistic people by any means and thus are fairly applicable to other labels.

This is an explanaition on why I find this element worth considering, and while I hope that others can relate or take away something from this, in many ways it is highly personal and not intended to be a decleration on Sephiroth’s ‘true nature,’ as it were. I’m not claiming that this was intended by the writers-- Infact, I’d be very surprised if they considered it, at all --As many of the traits he exhibits could be brushed aside as due to his upbringing.

That being said, let’s get into it!

1. Alienation

A common thread in neurodivergency, autism in particular, is some form of alienation. This doesn’t necessarily mean being outcast-- I, for one, have been largely accepted by those around me, and yet there is still that sense of being ‘other‘ that’s always been there, long before I even had a word for it.

Now, of course, in Sephiroth this is more related to his lineage, and how it’s expressed in... well, everything. Even still, I find value in expanding that, and considering just how getting the sense you’re implicitly divided from your peers.

There is, of course, the matter of Sephiroth’s literal isolation-- However, as fun as those scenarios are to play around with, I don’t think Sephiroth was raised wholly, or even mostly in the labs. The reason being that it would be nigh impossible to have hid just what made Sephiroth different, especially knowing how observant he is. It’s clear that Sephiroth had had extensive contact with other children, as epitomised by the line:

“I knew ever since I was a child, I was not like the others. I knew mine was a special existence. But this is not what I meant!” 

Sephiroth was painfully aware that he is different, even if he didn’t know exactly how. It is at once an oddly thrilling, and lonely sensation. Thrilling, because-- Hey! --You can do and see things others can’t and/or wouldn’t; and lonely, because it makes it hard to relate to others or have them relate to you.

2. Socialisation

I would like to start off by saying that, while I find it a tad more faithful and endlessly less grating than Sex God Sephiroth, Sephiroth is not a complete and utter social failure. While it’s clear he has difficulty articulating emotions and understanding others, it’s very clear even still that he knows how the game works, and knows how to play it.

This is going to dip far more into speculation territory, so buckle up.

A thing that, perhaps, I don’t see talked about often enough online when it comes to neurodivergent experiences, is that many things that are considered ‘normal‘ get experienced as systems that we need to actively learn and maneuver-- Socialisation especially!

Now, of course there is always some degree of social interaction being a give and take, a step forth and step back, regardless of neurotype, but it’s dialed up far more when you deviate from ‘the norm.‘

If I can give my own example, a thing I struggled with when I was little was humour! Not because I didn’t find things funny, or didn’t know what it was, but because I had issues grasping at the machinations of what made something funny. This lead to alot of nonsensical jokes that left my siblings confounded, until I picked up a joke-book, and started analysing from there. It was mostly alot of puns, which! Due to their simple structure, are a great way to learn the basics! I didn’t even know this was unusual, until my mother pointed it out to me years later.

And that method goes for alot of things.

Sephiroth, above all else, is observant. He makes efforts multiple times throughout the OG and Crisis Core to check up on others and ask how they’re doing. He asks Cloud how he feels returning to his hometown, and about seeing his mother, and urges Zack to check up on Aerith in Crisis Core, to name some notable examples. Even if you get the sense that his attempts are, perhaps, a little ungainly, it makes it clear more than anything that Sephiroth tries.

I think the reason that people have leaned alot more into the overly-awkward perception of Sephiroth in recent times, is because it humanises him. I feel there’s been far more of a shift within fandom to focus on the mundane, on relatability, on humanity. A veneer of endless, effortless confidence really isn’t that sexy anymore-- When sexual-appeal even comes into the matter, at all.

That being said, this section more than anything, I think, is very easy to brush aside due to his... interesting upbringing. Depending on how you construe the timeline, Sephiroth got sent to war as early as twelve, and wouldn’t have had much of an oppurtnity to develop these skills in a healthy and timely manner.

Even without that, a degree of social awkwardness is far from exclusive to any particular neurotype-- It’s the way it arises in him, though, that piques my interest.

3. Analysis and Obsession

This... I think, is the one where I’ll be grasping at straws the most.

While, yes, the obsessive research demonstrated in the OG during the Nibelheim incident and even before that to a lesser extent in Crisis Core could be some indication of a degree to absolutely immerse yourself in a subject in that Very Autistic WayTM, more than anything these are brought on by dire circumstance(the former especially by the question of his very humanity), and as we don’t see Sephiroth as a child, it’s uncertain as to whether he displayed these behaviours as such and to this degree under ‘normal‘ circumstances.

Even so, I get the feeling that Sephiroth is very analytically-minded, in a very Stranger In A Strange World sort of way(not in any way referring to the 1961 novel by a similar name, lmao). I get the feeling he’s the type of person to pick up some highly-esoteric text just for fun and come away with a menagerie of strange and unusual and obscenely specific factoids that he’ll remember for the rest of his life.

Like, someone might mention a topic offhandedly, and though he’d keep his mouth shut because He’s Like ThatTM, a slew of all the little bits and pieces he’s seen or read on the matter over the years would just jump to mind.

What I’m trying to say is, I think Sephiroth would take joy in painstakingly pouring and mulling over topics that not many people would have the consideration nor the mind to hold any long-term, inimate interest in.

If the last point was easily brushed aside, then this one you’d merely have to breathe and it’d fall apart. Nonetheless, I feel that within fandom’s current common framework with how we perceive Sephiroth, this wouldn’t be too much of a stretch.

I, however, want to make it clear that I can see the issue with labelling Sephiroth as neurodivergent. He could all too easily fall into the cliché of cold, emotionally and socially-inept, often rather callous depictions we see all too often in the heavily-neurotypical media that sees us as Missing Something; less than. Things have gotten better, but even still, there’s such a tendency to flatten us down to the things we can’t do, or lawd as us Potential Einsteins in spite of it-- Which, just, while it happens, on the whole it isn’t very helpful or realistic to expect this from us.

We are by no means a monolith, and while I take comfort in the idea of a neurodivergent Sephiroth, I understand that for some, it can feel like taking on a label to a character that vaguely fits the stereotype, and thus, perhaps, insinuating that to be autistic you have to look Like That-- And when it comes to villains in particular, it’s all too easy to dip into demonisation.

This isn’t even getting onto some of the issues that’d have this fall apart, were we to look at other symptoms. The first that comes to mind, and one that even I, as innocuous as I am, experience: sensory overload.

While it is entirely possible that Sephiroth learned to deal with it accordingly in life, or was forced to surpress it, because Shinra’s Science Department(cough cough Hojo) has been shown time and time again to force its subjects into little boxes and blame them for any failures expressed, the fact is that such a symptom could make fighting on the battlefield downright impossible.

Again, this is something that could’ve been given a ‘solution‘(as much as you can or even should think about long-term surpressing your basic thresholds), it nonetheless remains an issue.

I just hope that, on the whole, this served as some food for thought.

TL;DR: Sephiroth is autistic because I Vibe With It.

Also, happy Disability Pride!

#ffvii #sephiroth #character analysis #theory #scrawny speaks #ff7 #autism #neurodivergency #scrawny draws