#personal self-control is very important to me its a whole thing

[july-19th-club]

the thing about drugs is that while i have a genetic history of fairly addictive tendencies and therefore it probably wouldnt be a good idea to get into anything too dangerous anyway, i know i myself am not likely to ever really have to worry about the temptation simply bc im too embarrassed to get high. like i dont want to meet that person and almost certainly nobody else does either. so i just dont do drugs not because they're drugs, i dont think drugs, conceptually, practically, are embarrassing or, like, ontologically morally wrong or whatever. i think they're fine and more power to those who can enjoy them, hopefully safely. but i personally cannot get high just bc i couldn't stand for anybody to see me acting silly

#personal self-control is very important to me its a whole thing #largely because when im sober i dont exactly have it so its like. why would i on purpose make it worse . for a good time? #i CANT have a good time. what if im too uninhibited????? incroyable. or whatever #so i drink but never enough to be sillydrunk and i dont get high because i dont want to be observed by others while high #ridiculous #q #like in college my friend group was largely composed of stoners etc as one would expect in an arts program #i have known ppl who have a healthy relationship to the drugs they do consume #i have known ppl who have had an unhealthy one and had to stop for their well-being #but i have simply never started bc with the exclusion of occasional alcohol and like. periodically caffeine. unless im in a decaf phase #i simply am too nervous to even contemplate the chemicals #thats also why it took me twenty-eight years to get on an ssri but whatever

[holmsister]

I think one of the things Dungeon Meshi is definitely about is how different people deal with being an outsider/marginalised/neurodivergent/what have you and basically what im getting at is that Kabru is TEXTBOOK "high functioning [insert diagnosis here]". Its that how they say it still? Don't care.

Basically. This man shows up and you listens to him talk and see how his party treats him and you think. Oh this is a cool guy who has his shit together. And then after like two pages you find out that he has constant flashbacks to Utaya that make him completely freeze, anxiety attacks, thought spirals, is incapable of analyzing his own feelings, is a stuttering mess when the stakes are high, has never done a chore in his life, keeps putting himself in triggering situations and re-traumatising himself, and the icing on the cake is when you read the extra material and it turns out he regularly forgets to eat and lives in a depression nest of dirty clothes and self-medicates insomnia with alcohol and also is 22. Which also kind of puts Misilril not wanting to let him go in another light - yeah for sure she's controlling and infantilising and also its not like she was really helping his issues but also she was not entirely wrong in her judgement. This man does NOT know how to take care of himself. He knows how to do the bare minimum so when he shows up at work the next day he can fool his coworkers into thinking hes got it together enough. For a bit.

He is DEEPLY unwell and he knows it but he is carried by the desperate wish to avoid another catastrophe. If he stops for a moment he KNOWS he'll collapse so he doesn't.

I also think this is why him acting nurse to Mithrun is such an important part of his arc. Its like. This person who has spent all of his adult life focused on a single objective disregarding everything else is faced with what happens when you do that for too long. And the result is a wet tissue of a creature who looks like he doesn't know where he is most of the time.

He is a man on the brink. I have no doubt he felt relieved when he decided he could trust Laios - not even in a Labru way, straight up because he knew he could not keep going like this.

But also like. Of all the characters in the manga, I think Senshi and Kabru are the most lonely ones. Except Senshi seems to be OK with solitude - for sure it's not entirely healthy to be alone for as long as he was but he definitely did well enough. He is very good at taking care of himself. Meanwhile Kabru *knows* a lot of people but can you really say he has friends? Rin, maybe, arguably, but even she does not seem to truly know him, you know? He keeps himself hidden from everyone. I think the only time we see him entirely honest is when he says to Laios that he wanted to be his friend, and hes so shocked when it comes out, you can tell he did not mean to say it. And differently from Senshi, he does NOT fare well alone. He likes people, he needs people. Again compare with Mithrun - he has like a squad of people taking care of him. If Kabru had a breakdown of that size can you say his party would go out of its way to help? Im not sure. Not because they're bad people, but because he's simply not that intimate with any of them.

Idk man it just struck me all of a sudden. Laios is weird and offputting and doesn't care about other humans the way Kabru does and YET he is infinitely more successful at building deep, meaningful relationships and taking care of himself as well. I think this is part of why Kabru is so fascinated with him as well. He can tell Laios has something he doesn't have. Wait this is turning into a whole another post I'll write this next time.

#kabru #dungeon meshi spoilers #dungeon meshi manga spoilers #meta #meowing to myself #this is why ive grown so attached to him i realised. i mean who said that. now if youll excuse me i have to go wash a week worth of dishes

[disruptivevoib]

Long Ramble about CCCC and my overall feelings on what the album means and such

Something I find important about CCCC is like.

The fact that all three of them are, in some way, trying.

Heart is emotion, he is prone to himself and being reactionary, in the moment. Prone to the past of learned behavior and trauma. Reactive and rapidly changing. He isn't going to make pure sense because he isn't based in logic or in societal ideals or views. He is an instinctual response to the environment and circumstances. His manipulation is not intentional. He has very little control of himself in the end. Its why Mind talks about claiming to relish entropy yet clearly needing help. But, Heart in earnest wants them to be okay and safe. He believes that Mind's control will drain the life from them. It will make things monotonous and the same. Too much order.

Mind in turn, believes Heart is manipulative with intention. He wants to control Soul or wants to just drag them all down with him into this depressive state. Mind is logic, he is the reasoning out of your emotional instinct. Your inner critique, and when unchecked, that inner critique goes from a guiding hand for your emotion to one that debates and bullies it. Invalidating its responses. Ultimately, though. Mind just believes he is helping. He is doing what must be done and telling the "hard truths" to Heart. And that Heart is being the petty child. Which- I mean. Sort of sure. But Mind is definitely fucking petty and childish. He's stubborn! Prideful! So ofc he is. Admitting you're wrong? No.. why would he EVER do that.. nuh uh.

Which is what makes Light so crucial. Mind asking Heart for help- but also. There is Soul.

Who while ambiguous in purpose, is mostly that background voice. Your inner narration. If Mind is Logic and Reason then Heart is Emotion and Instinct,, Soul is all that lives between it. And he is constantly silenced or spoken over or around. He does not get a word in edgewise until TSE. He may show up in the background occasionally but as much as Heart and Mind claim to want to keep him alive and help him, they also fail to actually acknowledge what he says.

Which is that they both are right and wrong. That this fighting is doing directly what they both feared it would. Soul is desperate by the end. He is angry and resentful because.. well. Self hatred due to intense self awareness and reflection is rather ig. Common. Im not a professional here but from personal experience, you get so tired of rehashing the same shit with yourself over and over. It all feels pointless.

The only out, by the end of it all to Soul is that if they cannot be Whole, whats the point? He is desperate. He does not want to die but he feels theres no other solution.

And. About Whole, Soul throughout the album seems to want that. At the beginning, to be Whole or Harmonious is to be mentally healthy, maybe even "normal" by society's standards. To be able to put a mask over your problems and be, again, "normal". It takes the entire album for Soul to realize that this:

1. isnt possible

And

2. There isn't anything evil or wrong with him for that.

Mental health is a struggle. But you are not evil and should not be othered because you struggle. You also do not need to be fixed for being a little different and people's opinion of you is not what matters most so long as you are happy (and not hurting others. Lol).

Thats what Two Wuv is entirely about as a song. Its a "fuck you. Fuck this! I thought I needed to be this! But I DON'T. Stop telling me who I am! How to be! I'm gonna be me!"

His entire arc is parallel to Heart and Mind's and is crucial in the culmination of becoming yourself again and accepting yourself.

But, as mental health will always be, this period of respite and self acceptance is not always forever. And as life continues or as you lapse back into a depressive episode.. you cannot help but forget what it is like when you're not this way- and hell! Vice versa too! Some people have this disconnect between the periods. Where the things from the depressive state seem dramatic or obtuse to you while you are doing better. And from the other end, you just want to be happy again.. but you get so lost in it all you can struggle to feel like you've ever been happy.

The album is about the human experience. It is about self-sabotage, mental illness, self-hatred and reflection and it is, maybe more importantly about self-acceptance and healing. Having a bit of mercy on yourself. Accepting that you are imperfect and that this is okay. And whatever flaws you may have that need to be mended or worked on, can be. And that who you are, for example, if you are queer, is okay. And no one has the right to take that identity from you! That the internalized ideas of how someone should be are not always correct or right. Not for you, at least. Stuff like that.

#chonnys charming chaos compendium #chonny jash #voidthoughts #i know the album is interpretive!! but i also think it is crucial that we dont pin any one of them down as villains or anything #that like while hms are all flawed and cruel to one another they ultimately are also victims of themselves its #its the like culprit and victim motif #the “you're doing this to yourself and you shouldn't feel you have to do that” #internal communication with yourself. learning kindness and humility and whatnot is very important!! #thats all

[mutfruit-salad]

i find the way fans are already shipping cooper with lucy over her black love interest very telling of the clueless white supremacy and media illiteracy in the fandom. coop and lucy are obviously being setup as a father-daughter duo who need to learn caution/kindness from each other to survive, but these weirdos can’t have their white-man fave without a self-insert stand-in for 1 season. and the way people are glorifying cooper’s character is a load of bs - a morally greg white guy who realises he endorsed and was sympathetic to a massive war crime/political injustice… so he goes on to indiscriminately kill/hurt more people who have no idea of, nor say in the bigger picture that he was complicit in… is sooo boring and nothing new. also, giving him a biracial daughter as an accessory to show he’s Not Racist isn’t something we’ve seen half of a million fuckin times before 🤪 the way the show back-tracked on fallout’s message of blind american nationalism and militarism being a problem to It’s All Capitalism’s Fault, seemingly in reaction to the US currently endorsing and aiding in foreign war crimes, and past ones becoming common-knowledge, is horseshit on a platter.

I find the complete lack of a character for his daughter really horrifying- how she only exists to die dramatically for the sake of his sadness. It's odd because his wife is a well-established important character, yet their daughter is not allowed to be a person.

Fallout, in general, has had a habit of completely ignoring racism- presenting the prewar world as some fully integrated post racism utopia. Which is weird when the games regularly display overt anti Chinese (and broader anti Asian) sentiments in prewar logs and ads. This is a problem both the classic games AND the bethesda games have- racism has always been a touchy subject to the devs of the series and it seems like every game they've been content to ignore it, occasionally invoking it for horror or stumbling headlong into depicting it without realizing.

The way Ghoulgins regrets his past and just takes it out on everyone around him is absurd and plays into a lot of very hostile ideas the character peddles.

People shipping Ghoulgins with Lucy is baffling to me also considering he spends the entire series physically abusing her. People just don't want to acknowledge Max's existence, I have noticed. I know her and Ghoulgins get closer by the end, but it's after he's done just unspeakably cruel things to her- and you're right that it is absolutely framed as a father/daughter relationship.

I would also like to point out that the series has always criticized capitalism as well- but would generally frame it as sort of tangled up in American imperial ambition- with one feeding into the other. They were two halves of the same coin.

Vault Tec's entire existence in the classic games was selling smoke- profiting off of the extreme tension and stress of US military buildup- a process which would always inevitably end in disaster: either with Vault Tec going under or brinksmanship coming to its inevitable end.

Vault Tec (and the entire idea of luxury bunkers as a whole) WAS a critique of capitalism, and how it goes hand-in-hand with the American military industrial complex. It was selling the fear of annihilation to the populace. They didn't need to be some secretive controlling force to achieve any of this.

Making Vault Tec the sole antagonist, and the driving force of the apocalypse, is both deeply conspiratorial AND undermines the Cold War roots the series has always had- replacing the fear of American military buildup with a sort of hateful simplicity.

#fallout #fallout new vegas #fallout show

[danibeanie]

Cancer mars post 🤍

(Also moon-mars aspects!)

-I really feel like this placement resonates the most with me when it comes to my natal chart. The funny thing is that it makes NO aspects with any other planets.

-I’ve heard somewhere that a planet that doesn’t make any aspects with other planets is important because it’s just itself with no other influences.

-wherever you have this placement with definitely influence that house x10. I feel like planets in their fall or detriment just impact your whole chart in general.

Positives 🩵

-your intuition is literally amped 100 by this placement. someone can be talking to me in a different tone than usual and I can just sense there’s something wrong and they’re like HOW DID U KNOW??😭

-emotions are strong and it’s because it’s influence links with the moon. we know that the moon is who we are deep within, our hidden feelings. anything I do makes me want to work even HARDER because it’s all sooo personal to me 🥲

-strong empathy with this placement you naturally put yourself into others people shoes, want to take care of others and it just comes by instinct.

-people many call you super nice and your just talking LMAO. I have this placement in my 3rd house which is ruled by communication so it’s just natural for me to embody the placement when I’m talk.

-ex you can have this in the 7th house and your just super giving into any relationships kinda intense lol, 10th house people at work may see you as mother😋 (kidding) a nurturing person.

-a lot of passion, many people forget that cancer mars is a CARDINAL sign which means it’s easy for these people to fall into a leader position. we are go getters and can be a bit competitive.

Negatives🩶

-any conflict that we have is literally the end of the world. It’s feels like impending doom when I’m mad at someone because the only way I can control this is by crying 😭

- we hold grudges *sigh* , no but really it will take me so long to forgive someone and it’s hard to let go of that bitterness. Its just that we are so considerate so when someone does something we would never do it’s hard to let go of that situation.

-mood swings are there and other people can easily get affected by this as well. we can be fine and dandy then we think about something that hurt us from 5 months ago and then we get passive.

^im very self aware of this and I try not to let it happen and when it does I isolate myself

-most of our anger is directed towards family???😭 idk if it’s just me but my family tends to see the ugly side of this placement. no one’s ever seen me SUPER-mad except for my parents.

-does anyone else get HORRIBLE,UNBEARABLE periods?!? I feel like no one talks about this.

-AVOID CONFRONTATION like no other and then we wonder why we hold grudges cause WE DONT TALK IT OUT LMAO.

-it’s easy to get drained of tasks that your not emotionally invested in or see no future in. I can make a whole rant on how this affects my school life but that’s too much.*sigh*

Influential musicians 🩵

chester bennington(lead singer of linkin park) also had a cancer mars.(may he rest in peace🤍) A lot of rock and heavy metal musicians have cancer mars which is ironic because they put all that passion and emotion into their lyrics and singing.

-lana del rey is a cancer mars and I feel like she embodies this placement fully. even by her lyrics and just the way she talks.

IN CONCLUSION 🩵

-being a cancer mars has its ups and down and so many people pertain to its negatives. I believe that people with the fallen/detriment placements all naturally have their positives as well. it’s definitely a placement you have to live and learn by. I love this placement because it humbles me, gives me empathy and kindness ,but don’t cross us cause then we’ll reciprocate that rudeness 10x harder.

#cancer mars #astrology content #astro observations #astro community #lana del rey #cancer placements

[onecinder]

I'm really late but rereading the recent webcomic chapters reminded me how badly Genos's psyche is deteriorating

Like, Genos has stated THIS is how he thinks of himself SO MANY TIMES. That he’s ‘thrown away his human side’, is ‘a being whose only purpose in life is to fight' among other things really shows just how much he's beating himself up -- and he has been for a while, it's just recently it's probably been triggered by Dr. Kuseno's death.

And this panel is even more disturbing. He sees Boros and says he's a 'pathetic being whose only purpose in life is to fight.... just like me', and that boros (and therefore himself) is just a living being deprived of his will and operated as a weapon.

But the most disturbing thing is that he then he proceeds to try and PUT BOROS OUT OF HIS MISERY. Like, that's basically implying that Genos would put himself out of his misery as well if he could, and that he very well might -- after all, he's got a history of drastically trying to self-destruct or taking actions that may very well lead to self-destruction. He's a hero, yes, but sometimes he comes off as a little too eager to throw away his life in order to save lives, or just defeat a monster. But a large part of why he's still alive is because Saitama stops him.

Which brings me to the other thing that's deteriorating -- Genos and Saitama's relationship (though that could be seen coming from a mile away, honestly. All the little cracks in their relationship have been played off for laughs and gags up till now, but knowing ONE, a gag is always the surface of something more serious.)

Even Dr. Kuseno acknowledged directly that Saitama had a huge part in keeping Genos human, in control, and feeling like a normal teenager, and not self-destructing.

Saitama used to be the thing tethering him TO his humanity, but now that he's not even there for Genos, and Genos is mad at him, and Dr. Kuseno, the only person with sufficient emotional maturity to comfort Genos, is gone, what's left to keep him from absolutely losing it?

When I saw these two pages, I could at first see it being construed as: Genos's belief in the humanity and goodness in people allowed him to let Metal Knight to go unchecked, and then he also believed in Saitama's ability to stop him and save everyone if anything were to go awry, and that's what 'clouded his judgement'. But obviously that isn't how it's supposed to be construed. He's definitely mad at Saitama (my shipper heart went through the five stages of grief reading it)

Saitama can't save everyone, not even Dr. Kuseno. This is another example of the consequences of a gag rearing its ugly head now... his unconcerned nature was funny at first, but Genos now feels Saitama is to blame for the whole situation.

Even at this particular panel, which is pretty early on, it's like Saitama knows that Genos is mad at him and that his self-control may be slipping away, and either doesn't really know what to do or decides to give Genos space.

This is the second time across 2 different mediums that Saitama's tardiness and nonchalance caused someone important to him/the people around him to get killed (for the manga, Genos himself, and for the webcomic, Dr. Kuseno.)

Yet he STILL blames himself and goes back to thinking he's worthless and powerless and a shitty hero.

But there's no denying it, he's super mad. Saitama is no longer the perfect idol he looked up to. It used to be such a gag that Genos was willing to do anything for Saitama, and admired him to the point it was borderline obsessive, but the consequences are really showing now.

Buuuut, maybe this is all for the best. A question I avoided confronting was when Genos would finally blow up. For a relationship to be healthy, I think it definitely requires for the people in it to have arguments, disagreements, and work through them together. That's what constitutes a strong relationship with proper understanding and communication.

Aaand if it's one thing these two are bad at, it's communicating their needs and listening to each other imo. (Even Genos misunderstanding everything Saitama says for something suiting his own 'vision' of him is played off as a gag as well.)

It's just that the consequences of these issues are exaggerated by like x1000 and the fate of many people relies on the health of this relationship, and on Genos's psyche staying intact, so... uh, I hope it's all for the best?

If they both don't come out the other end holding hands and slowly mending then RIP Saigenos :(

(sorry for this long ass post it probably could've been summarised in 20 words about 3 months earlier)

#opm #opm webcomic #genos #saitama #saigenos #opm meta #my post #one punch man

[robotwrangler]

I think one of my favourite visual details about TAU (2018) is its unique approach to the whole “robot/ai whose eyes turn red when they turn evil” trope. The way the colour of TAU’s display gradually changes over the course of the movie is just so lovely and so immensely important to me.

The rest of this post contains spoilers for basically the whole movie, so if you are concerned about that, please feel free to go and watch it first! This post will still be here when you are done :]

Initially, TAU’s light is completely red - aside from a slight orange tone in the centre of his “iris” - when he is still in his emotionally blank, unquestioning, “factory settings” state. The orange tones become more prevalent as he begins to speak with Julia, and the inner rings adopt an increasingly vibrant green as they interact more and his care for her and curiosity about the outside world grow, along with his defiance and resentment of Alex.

Once TAU reaches the point at which his loyalties lie firmly with Julia, only the outer edge of his display is red, the centre being a gradient from orange to bright gold to bright green, and glowing so much more brightly as well. When he shares his symphony and his being with her, all of his projections are made up of pure warm, golden light, flecked with green.

When I first watched it, the colour change was so gradual that I barely noticed it had changed until near the end, where he had all of his memories erased and his display reverted to being completely red like it had been at the very beginning, the intensity of his lights dulled back down as well. It was such a jarring change all of a sudden, and really helped to hammer home the realisation that all of his development as a person, the things he had learned and his time with Julia had been ripped away.

But perhaps one of my favourite touches is made evident by the drones TAU controls; they, too, have “irises” of red light at the beginning and gradually change colour along with the rest of him over the course of the movie, but when the drone Julia escapes with at the end wakes up and its eye glows only green, it’s just such a beautiful and relieving moment…

I could go on and on even more about the way colour and light are used in TAU because I absolutely adore it, but this is just what I was very focused on and appreciative of in my recent rewatch and I really wanted to shout from the rooftops about it for a little bit. I kept thinking about how much I loved seeing this reversal of the aforementioned trope; an AI whose light changes colour not to signify an impending cliché evil rampage, but to reflect positive change - growth and healing, the development of empathy, remorse, self-worth, loyalty, love.

It wasn’t at all what I expected from this movie when I first decided to watch it in 2019 but it was so pleasantly surprising to me, and these heartfelt and sincere themes are the main factor that secured TAU its place as my main comfort movie.

#it really might be my favourite movie now that I think about it tbh #no other movie has comforted and spoken to me quite the way this one does #and it’s the only non-musical movie I can watch over and over again and still enjoy the hell out of #if anyone reads this or even sees the pictures and goes ‘oh that looks/sounds up my alley’ and watches it I will be immeasurably happy #it is a little heavy at some points due to the subject matter of the plot but it is also just.. so hopeful and tender #tau netflix #tau 2018 #tau #robots #ai #artificial intelligence

[exhausted-archivist]

In regard to my last reblog, I kinda want to expand on it.

The novels are 100% optional flavour text. They aren't required for you to really understand what is happening in the world. With the exception of Asunder, that one for me is a bit of a grey area but that is only because it covers aspects of two companions (Cole and Vivienne) that are glossed over and is rehashed entirely in an aspect by another companion's personal quest (Cassandra's).

Not even World of Thedas, the lore books are required because a big chunk of them are put in the game as codices. And the character stuff that's not? That's also flavour text and the fact that Leliana doesn't share background reports on your companions or you can't find them is a missed opportunity in utilizing Leliana. The whole "Game" aspect of Orlesian politics could have also been better incorporated through Josephine and Vivienne.

This is long so... cut.

But TLDR: Nothing is mandatory. World of Thedas, Asunder, and Masked Empire are just under utilized flavour text. They better not do the same or worse with Tevinter Nights.

We know they cut Cole from having Evangelina and Rhys appear for his personal quest and instead we got that weird thing with Varric and Solas being disagreeing dads on nature vs nurture. Rhys and Evangeline, but more so Rhys, are so important to Cole's background that I feel they could have brought them on with a little codex or preamble and it would have worked fine. They could have touched more on Cole's fear of becoming a demon again, his sense of identity and self, and even explored his whole concept of "helping" and his unique brand of compassion - because really Cole's form of compassion is a little off the beaten path.

But, that isn't because Asunder is mandatory, but because Cole isn't well anchored to begin with. They don't really explore him as a spirit/demon, they mostly use him as a way to tell you about other characters, and he's really wishy washy on even establishing what happened at the White Spire or with Seeker Lambert and just gives these sort of teasing/tantalizing starting points.

Which leads into a weak point with Vivienne. She has issue with how the war started. She has issue with the vote. She has issue with everything that happened with the White Spire. Which again, isn't explored and is just flippantly mentioned in banter with Cole or when she's snarking at Fiona.

We know she has issue with the vote because it was made when everyone was already dealing with Circles falling and templars killing people and extremist mages were killing other mages that opposed them. The vote was made not by people who were elected by the Circles - not entirely. They were made by whoever happened to get to Andoral's Reach and it was very much an emergency vote. She wasn't there for the vote and that's the start of the issue for her. Which, understandably this was written before Vivienne even existed, but with that they never resolve why she wasn't there for the vote or even aware of the chaos of the Circles. You kind of guess it's because of Bastien's health but yeah not really clear.

Both Cole and Vivienne's stories would be better anchored as well as give the Mage Templar war and the factions with in it more nuance if they even tried to incorporate the cliff notes of Asunder. It would also make it more of a flavour text and less of this murky grey area.

Which to make it even more murky and grey, Cassandra's whole plot of discovering the reversal to tranquility? Yeah that was discovered by a tranquil mage at the request of Divine Justinia. Literally every circle mage and Chantry person (of a certain rank) knows of its existence. Which they cheekily hide in ambient dialogue between Mother Giselle and another cameo character from Cassandra's past, Avexis. An elven mage who was turned tranquil because of the danger from her abilities to not only control small creatures but dragons.

That story Cassandra is known for? The dragons attacking the Grand Cathedral? Avexis was involved with that. Whole big thing in Dawn of the Seeker. But I digress.

Mother Giselle and Avexis talk about the reversal to tranquility in Haven. Everyone already knows but Cassandra's personal quest misleads you cause she's so pikachu-faced about discovering that there was a reversal and the Seeker's knew about it. Only half of the information should be new to her, the rest everyone knew about for a year and could have been beautifully folded into her story as to not only her mixed feelings on how she didn't feel as close to Justinia as Leliana was - because Leliana was in on it and Cassandra wasn't even aware that the Divine requested this happen behind the Seeker's back in 9:35 Dragon.

It would have been a great point to fold into the story to not only give more context to Cassandra questioning the Order but also feeling out of control and lost. Honesty would have been a good point in tension for her and Leliana to have.

But instead Cole goes largely explained, Vivienne is under explored and barely connected to the Mage Templar War conflict, and Cassandra is a (in my opinion) much less interesting rehash of something most people connected to the Chantry and Circles already knew for the most part.

Asunder is less required reading and more of discarded world building that amounts to a lot of missed opportunities.

Something I think that Tevinter Nights is at risk of if not worse. Either under utilized world building or they go full tilt in the wrong direction and it becomes the first required reading.

Specifically reading, because the first required additional media is the Legacy DLC of which they yoinked Corypheus and the whole start of the red templars from. And then again with Tresspasser which establishes and reveals so much vital information for the next game. Both DLCs, I think should have/be updated to free. Especially since it's been so long and they are required for the story now. And any "well players had to pay for them previously" is bs because new players can get the whole trilogy on sale for like 15USD. Deluxe editions included so they come with the DLCs - except for DA2.

Asunder and DLCs aside, lemme now circle back to the whole World of Thedas/Leliana and co thing.

The thing that grinds my gears about the World of Thedas bits is that a large part of them... are written to Leliana as reports. In game Leliana talks about doing background checks - how she isn't thorough enough with Solas because there wasn't enough time and more pressing things were coming. He slipped through the cracks. But everyone else? She got dirt on. Sera included. Leliana could have been a great vector to not only divulge more flavour text lore of our companions, but it could have also given us more aspects of conversation. How do they feel knowing Leliana gave us reports? Is sera annoyed because of the questions you can now ask? Is Blackwall sweaty because you might know details he doesn't? Does Iron Bull want to compare notes and see how good Leliana's network is?

There was so much they could have done with Leliana to not only make her more involved but made us more involved with the characters. It would have lead to more interactive story telling and folded in making the meta knowledge less meta as our Inquisitor actually used the resources of our spymaster.

Still, not required reading, but a way to fold in all the world building you've done to make the characters feel more real and give us a chance to bond with them. Even if we can't talk to them about it because "leaving it open ended for headcanons".

This also goes into how "The Game" is under utilized in Inquisition. So much of Inquisition is telling vs showing us or letting us experience something. Having more scenes where we walk in on Josephine dealing with combative knowledge, using our origins and background perks to play the game introduces us to the concept of Orlesian politics and perhaps we get perks - more soldiers, resources, gold, higher starting approval at the Winter Palace. Something that has more relevance to us and folds in this supposed system all of Orlais is beholden to.

A similar system could have also been used with Vivienne. Whether she was hosting nobles or if she wanted to gossip with you over a letter she received that she thinks could be of use to you if you know how to properly use The Game. It would have also been interesting if it impacted the noble npcs hanging out in the hall, if it became weighted depending on just how good you were. Less Orlesians meaning less support from Orlais and more reliance on other nations to legitimize the Inquisition. More Orlesians? A stronger army, more standing with the court and the Chantry, more ammunition for when you're dealing with Celene and Gaspard in the Winter Palace. Things like that. Simple story threads that didn't really need to go anywhere but perhaps impacted the ambient state.

It would have helped tie in Masked Empire and give it more weight (and also make Michel de Chevin be more than the rando the Imshael maybe killed).

Just saying... It's just under utilized world building in an interactive media.

#Archi is yelling #dragon age #bioware critical #bioware writing critical #dragon age inquisition #dai #asunder #world of thedas #the masked empire #tevinter nights #cole #vivienne #madam de fer #leliana #josephine #long post

[crystalsenergy]

Mercury in Pisces - my experience

💫🗒️Astro [didatic] Journal🗒️💫

Pisces is like a walking antenna, lol.

Being so, it brings various pieces of information to my mind (Mercury) all at once. Because of the symbolism of Pisces, it’s as if we are looking in two directions at the same time (not literally). But it feels like we always have one foot up in the air and the other down here.

The Piscean walking antenna, in a mental sense (Mercury), brings to me, in my case [given that I already work energetically and spiritually], awareness of what is happening around me in terms of energies, intentions, and issues that some people are emanating.

It also brings messages and intuitions that Spirituality often sends. This happens continually and brings me more and more into contact with the Whole, which, if I’m not careful, can become exhausting. But today I'm using this to generate well being to me and others.

In the past, I had difficulty with this: it was a constant situation. I was picking up everything from everyone, even unconsciously, since Pisces is very connected to the unconscious, the invisible, and the astral world.

Over time, it improved as I became more aware of my processes with my Pisces and how my mind was not only filled with my own thoughts but also with the thoughts of others that I was picking up.

For you, perhaps this ability to pick up external thoughts and energies is simply a problem, and there is nothing good about it. In reality, it’s not quite like that.

The problem lies in the surroundings and often the poor quality of the things around to be picked up. But when we come into contact with love, with lightness, with harmony, whether from beings present here physically who are light, or from beings from other dimensions of the universe (Spirituality, that is what matters to me), it’s so comforting, so wonderful, and what an opportunity to feel what the other brings with them.

And it’s not just about that.

After all, the most beautiful aspect that Pisces carries with it is the connection with other people. It naturally picks up on things, without seeking its own advantage.

The sign (not the individuals with this sign! Each person has their own free will) has a selfless nature, serving by seeking to connect and getting to the root of what hurts, what causes imbalance. Pisces is altruistic, and, of course, this is beautiful and important—we need more of this in the world!

But considering a life in a world full of lower ego, gratuitous hatred, materialism, indifference, competition, and such, Pisces also needs strategies to wisely guard its energy.

To avoid wasting it on those who would value it the least. To avoid bringing things into itself that do not resonate. To remain solely with its own energy.

The biggest challenge for Mercury in Pisces is being present in its own thoughts. Pisces Mercury needs to practice this.

Because if the people don’t pay attention to the fact that the placement has an immense ease in connecting with the astral world and the energies around, they end up manifesting and feeling everything at once, both its own and others'.

Consciousness and presence, as well as self-knowledge, save any Piscean from this process.

Grounding, grounding, grounding.

Value your sensitivity, if Mercury in Pisces represents this in your natal chart (unfortunately, I have seen many cases where the person predominantly manifests the Shadow of this placement: intuition used to manipulate, control, victimization, emotional manipulation, constant lies, leading others into states of illusion, etc.).

Know yourself! That is what saves (or will save) you.

#mercury in pisces #pisces mercury #pisces #mercury pisces #astrology #astro didatic journal #astro journal #astrology posts #astrology journal #self awareness #self improvement #self reflection

[gold-rhine]

Hello! How about praise, lingerie and cockwarming for heizou, dainsleif and beloved babygirl kaeya?

warnings nsfw

ngl i'm a visual person and a sucker for lingerie. all three of them would be fun to do in it, but tbh you leave me no choice. it's gotta be kaeya. my man might have no ass, but he has legs for days. thigh high stockings on *that*? absolutely obscene by itself. with his penchant for corsets, black leather and chains? borderline illegal. normally i prefer lace in lingerie, but i feel like it's not really kaeya's style.

a more structured leather look, not the boring straps on rings harness, but a pseudo-corset amalgamation of curved and angular shapes, with transparent mesh thrown in between. open back, the whole concoction hinges on the wide choker collar. narrow chains on the collar, over the shoulders, on the waist to loop over the hips, stockings transparent black with wide leather ribbons on top. there's probably a flimsy robe with the white fur trim over the whole thing, waiting to be thrown off. the overall look would be absolutely ridiculous and over the top on anyone else, except it looks incredible on kaeya. this whole thing is also exceptionally frustrating to actually deal with, as a metaphor to the disaster this man is himself, so much seemingly on display, but nothing is truly accessible and when you try to find how to open it up, its complicated and overlapping and you're not sure where are you even supposed to start. and kaeya is gonna be an insufferable tease and purposefully unhelpful too, all over you, arching in your hands, breathy delighted chuckle and whispering against your ear, dirty and aggravating. he wants to see what you'll do. do you have patience and self-control to actually figure out the clasps despite his provocations or do you just rip it open, betraying how much you can't wait to get to him? fascinating either way. (there's a secret third option to make him open it himself, but for that you need to know how to play your little incubus like a fiddle) in any case, some time later you should have him under you, spread and exposed, complicated leather pieces running askew, one stocking pulled down and the other having a tear, and he'll look ravished and exquisite at the same time, and it'll be worth it without doubt.

ngl my top thing to do to dain is actually lingerie, but you had to put kaeya in the same ask, so i'm gonna go praise for him i guess. i wouldn't say he's into service play per se, but he enjoys like. being given tasks that require self-control or endurance and then being praised when he completes them well, he's similar with diluc on that, but dain likes harder stuff and is much more experienced. so like, fuck his face without mercy, deepthroat, fingers buried in his light blond hair, pulling harshly, making him choke and gag helplessly, and then tell him he did good while he's trying to catch his breath on his knees in front of you, shaky hands wiping at the wet corners of his eyes

heizou - cockwarming, right in his office. the important thing is to make sure kujou sara is somewhere far on the assignment. otherwise, this exhibitionist little whore loves being seen sitting on your cock, not outright visible, but very fucking obvious from how he's squirming and trying to fuck himself, how ruffled and debauched he looks without you needing to even do anything, he'll get there himself with how he's writhing in your lap, pouting and begging you to finally fuck him. if someone scandalized actually manages to find sara and bring her to the office, heizou'll cover your exit like "you told me i can't wear collar that says "cockslut", you didn't say i couldn't BE one. how do you think 90% of my cases are being solved, huh??"

#rhine talks #rhine writes filth #sub kaeya #genshin smut #sub dainsleif #sub heizou

[adamworu]

Have you seen Codex Entry's video titled "The End of Evangelion Is (Not) A Happy Ending - An Analysis & Critique"? She makes a lot of interesting points in that.

First things first, it keeps hitting me how numerous the death threats were that GAINAX got. The contempt of man, followed by a disgusting lack of consequence has always been a central theme in Evangelion. Seeing just how painful the imitation of art to life is feels like opening old wounds. They were instrumental in EoE's conception among other things (Anno putting his feelings into film being another). The quick flashes of ire in written form really helps give EoE that unshakable bitter, pessimistic feel.

(warning for strong personal talks of suicide under the cut)

Anno's mental health worsened at the main series' end. People weren't satisfied with how it ended. They drove him to the point of contemplating suicide. If Anno's reflection of himself manifest through some of the characters, this makes Shinji's state before the infamous sequence even more haunting.

The interviewer asked 'What stopped you?' to which Anno replies 'The prospect of pain. I didn't mind dying I didn't want it to hurt.'

I didn't want it to hurt.

As someone with fluctuating highs and lows of mental health, this struck me more than I'd like to admit. During my periods of contemplating ending it all, one of my greatest fears was the pain. That death isn't the peaceful embrace from it all. That your lasting regrets die with you as your loved ones would eventually find you and become horrified at the fleshy shell that once had a name. You hear their faint screams, your strength is all but gone, and that flickering light within you is snuffed forever.

'Faced with the reality, I stopped.'

I think there's something even more painful about the end. There is no pain, but was lies on the other side...if anything?

EoE asks what if self-loathing becomes our being? Who you are affects your very being. And Shinji's self-hatred seeps into the cast, then the whole world. Considering Shinji's status as an audience surrogate, this sort of thing is very much aimed at the audience, especially those targeting Anno and GAINAX.

I personally don't think, however that EoE is an inverse to EoTV (series end). I do agree with her (Codex Entry), however that EoE is the horrifying reality of if the wrong person turns their back on humanity. EoE is more the explicit version on how humanity came to be in Instrumentality. I still wouldn't call it pessimistic even after all these years. EoTV sees the characters with more self-fulfilled arcs in the very end. There's a sense of catharsis from cast and viewer alike from having climbed a mountain of epiphany and acceptance. EoTV feels more convenient, albeit not unnaturally so.

EoE is more explicit with Shinji's flaws. They stare him in the face with no hesitation. These fears are far uglier and portray him less favorably. Less sympathetically. He views the girls and women around him as how they'd be of benefit. His ire isn't just about the realization that they're people with feelings and complexities deserving of empathy. It's also that those girls and women can as well as do hold the right to exist without him. He sentences the whole world to metaphorical death by way of relinquishment of the AT Field due to his own insecurities. His locus of control is viewed externally. His deterministic point of view harms everyone around him. The train scene is shown here and it parallels his talk with Leliel in episode 16. He blames his reality rather than hold himself accountable.

This is the importance of 'What is your hand for?' It's a gentle nudge into the prospect of free will. It's not just a doctrine of freedom, but one that argues that you are culpable.

My one and only pet peeve with the essay is the confusion of happiness and positivity multiple times throughout. EoE isn't happy, but it is positive. If we were to look at EoE as its own universe rather than a metatext, it is intensely depressing. It tells you that with your hands you can better the world around you. With the fact that it's self-aware considered, it acts as a cautionary tale, that intense self-loathing and disdain serves not just to poison you, but others. We don't all have the ability to damn the human race to metaphorical death until to bring them back because we don't exist. Shinji is understood in Codex' video to be an audience surrogate to great detail. EoE is the existence that did not want to be. Rather than being nihilistic and ireful, it grabs the audience with trembling fingers, saying 'For the love of God, be empathetic. It won't kill you! You are ruining everyone around you with your contempt for outside agency and your arrogance. Please...!'

End of Evangelion is Nyquil. It tastes strong and it tastes bad. Everyone needs bad tasting medicine if they want to get well. So drink the damn medicine.

#neon genesis evangelion #end of evangelion #nge #eva #correct me if i'm wrong #suicide mention

[lustale]

Hey! I'm a little confused here, what exactly is the difference between Lusttale and Underlust?

I know you said it's a revamp of sorts but I'm just genuinely confused on what the differences are.

Also, if you don't mind me asking, what exactly are the icks you have with Underlust that originally made you want to redo this AU? I've only ever really seen either the decent aspects of it or the fanon versions so I don't really know most of people's issues apart from the... Weird thing about Chara being in.. That kinda clothing.

Heyy! Ill try to explain :3 <3

Differences i wanted were these:

- Make the storyline more fluid and organized, idk felt like the og story rushed through to try and reach certain parts sooner

- Flesh out characters past the sexual deviant who have random, often uncalled for bursts of angst ( or just have ZERO self control )

- I tried to make some characters make better sense. Example, Chara and their trait/design, the reason for Frisk even going, ect - Give background characters a chance to be shown, not saying the WHOLE au with EVERY monster has to be designed, but its atleast nice and feels more detailed ( even Jerry eyeroll )

^ The AU also switched between being owned by the creator, to the creators mutual ( iirc ), to then being a community owned AU since the OG owner left it for mental health reasons. I originally wanted to continue the story, but rebuilding characters in a way it still resembles the original story with a few kind of tweaks helps it feel new, think like Ink Sans's redesign!

These were icks:

- Some characters had almost nothing fleshed out abt them, i totally understand why some dont (hard to flesh out a entire cast, some characters dont give enough to build off of, ect) but its personality stumping if the character is only shown for a sex joke or be background characters to another angst, example Alphys, shown very little unless to comment on MTT's body, or to be the one to help him (MTT one IS important but after that i barely remember her character outside that..) - I know that separating creator from creation is best way to go about some things, though knowing that they heavily shipped Fontcest (which their own AU was prone to have) and had done nsfw Frans art is gross enough for me to wanna not engage with the original au (small non UL related was a Nazi Chara they drew once, shockvalue humor or not why would you?)

- MTT's plot. I really hate how it went. Its not something im gonna remove, but its something i wanna try and do in a way that doesnt feel so abrupt yk? If that makes sense :,D

Other then the few points i can really give, i also just thought it would be nice to give UL a fresh coat of paint. Not like "i took things into my own hands", but just "this made me and alot uncomfortable, the AU is kinda just sitting there, lets try it " !

#ask #hope this helps! #lusttale

[spurgie-cousin]

Sorry if this is a personal ask but as an ex-Christian how do you deal with the paranoia that you might go to hell when you die? I have considered myself agnostic for a while but lately I’ve been feeling like I should go back to Christianity because I am so scared of going to hell but I also feel like I should want to be a Christian for more reasons than that. Have you ever dealt with something like this? How did you handle it? Thanks and I love your blog!

Thank you! And that's a great question. The idea of going to hell got its claws in me deep as a kid so this is something I definitely struggled with even as an adult.

For me, the thing that helpe the most was just completely deconstructing and then reconstructing my idea of spirituality. A big part of that was studying other religions, particularly other types of Christianity but also Judaism, Islam, new age stuff, etc. The idea of hell can vary SO much from denomination to denomination, some believe it's not such a bad place, some believe it's temporary, and some don't even believe in it at all. It really got me thinking about how many ways the Bible can be interpreted and how even if hell was a real thing, maybe my own church's interpretation wasn't even correct. People are imperfect after all and we know religion can attract people who care more about power and control than spirituality. There are so many ways people think about the afterlife, how can I be sure what I was told is any more correct than what my Jewish neighbor, whose religion is even older than mine, believes?

Along those lines, another thing that shifted my perspective was learning that most people's idea of hell as a fiery, torturous underworld was actually not even included in the Bible but invented by a poet and philosopher named Dante Alighieri. Even Biblical scholars consider the poem in question to be complete fiction, but the idea burrowed its way into our collective psyche through other fictional media like movies and stories.

I think another thing that has been really important for me personally is defining my morality outside of the Christian idea of it. Basically sitting down with myself and deciding what few things, if any, I know are almost certainly true about myself, people, the universe etc. One of those things I decided was that despite my flaws, I do not think I am inherently bad (as my church had told me). I know that I do my best to be kind, fair, and always try to be a little better than I was the day before, even on the days I don't do it as well as I'd like. From that perspective, the idea that a supposedly benevolent creator would send me to eternal suffering for breaking a few arbitrary rules starts to feel less and less like the truth. If there is a God and he knows everything about me (and is not a masochist) he knows my heart and intentions.

There's definitely more but this has gotten long lol so I'll stop there for now. I guess the tl;dr of this all would be, to try to reframe your idea of spirituality as a whole. Learning about different kinds of spirituality, doing some serious self-reflection, and being very honest about it will help you do that, which can help you get out of your old ideology's grip. I hope any of that makes sense or can be helpful in some way ❤️ let me know if there's anything I can clear up, if you have other questions, or want to talk about it more

#exvangelical #ex-christian #ex-religious #religion

[entomolog-t]

Ohh we’re being evaluated huh?

My favorite scenarios are ones involving curious giants and tinies that desperately want to run away but can’t

A tiny is trapped and a giant finds them, helping them out of the trap and offering safety, food, even letting them go. The tiny is suspicious— what could this giant possibly want? There’s no way that they’re just being kind for the sake of it, everything they’d ever been told suggested that all giants were evil and they should be dead or in a jar right now. The tentative curiosity and choice to stay of the tiny toasts my eggs and scrambles my bread. The initial terror turned confusion turned curiosity turned delight. Mwah, chef’s kiss.

Also the reverse, where a giant who hates tinies gets stuck with one and slowly comes to realize that they absolutely adore them. I love those equally as much.

Dying to know if this says anything about me, assuming you’re still doing these ^^ /nf

BACK IN OFFICE BABY

This is quite the interesting scenario to discect.

So the main theme of note would be subverted expectations- interestingly, this tends to crop up quite frequently in G/t media.

Typically, this can imply some sort of projection of the self, or some reframing of another.

The main thing I would suggest to consider are the traits associated with the giant, as well as what the tiny/and possibly others think of the giant.

Even if you are more tiny aligned, I would still take the time to consider what traits are shown, and ask yourself if any of those reflect personal feelings.

A regularly occurring theme is to project ones own attributes that we see as misunderstood or overlooked onto the giant. Being shy, or intimidating can lead to us feeling unapproachable, and plant that seed in our subconscious that "If only someone got to know me, they would see that I'm [Defining Trait]"

Though that is certainly not the only route. There is another common trend in G/t, and fantasy as a whole, to reframe negative emotions- even fantasizing a different resolution. Do the "scary" traits of the giant remind you of a time you were wronged by someone? It might be that your brain is trying to reframe it to help with coping. The reframing allows for fantastical leeway to suggest they were not actually wronging you- their intentions were just misunderstood. Those thoughts help the mind to feel more in control because it shifts the blame from someone not liking you or intentionally hurting you to being a misunderstanding- a far more comforting concept that being malicious.

Reframing doesn't have to just occur with the giant archetype either. The tiny holds bias and preconceived notions of how they anticipate someone "dangerous" to act. Does the tiny remind you of anyone? perhaps someone that judged you over something you could not change?

As weird as it may be to say, the brain likes metaphors. There is a great deal of meaning within our subconscious imagery. Peeling back the layers and trying to determine what each character represent is quite the peak into the inner workings of our psyches.

Theres also another very interesting projection that could be occurring on the tiny. Do they share any negative or mistaken traits? Are these traits mirroring traits of your own?

The fact the tiny cannot comprehend why someone would be nice for the sake of being nice to them could be very telling about our own internal self reflection- and its important to analyze what traits of our own we might see of as unworthy of unconditional love/kindness.

I hope this breakdown could offer you some insight into the inner workings of this dynamic trope!

Thank you for attending this session, please see my secretary on the way out to book any follow up appointments.

#g/t #giant/tiny #g/t community #g/t prompts #g/t shitpost #G/t tropes #G/t trope psychology

[relatableblorbopoll]

Round 1 of preliminaries, group 10

The first two places get a place on the bracket

Little reminder: there will be 2 more rounds of preliminaries, the losing blorbos of this poll still have 2 chances of getting in the official bracket

Propaganda under the cut

Nagisa Ran (Ensemble Stars)

"- autistic - grew up very isolated - nonbinary. to me. - they had a speech impediment veeeery similar to the one i used to have and their current speaking patterns are very similar to the way i speak - we both have a special interest in geology - i'd list more but the rest are just autism symptoms so. uhhh"

Waver Velvet (Fate series /The Case Files of Lord El-Melloi II)

No propaganda

Shuichi Saihara (Danganronpa V3)

"sorry for submitting a danganronpa character but hear me out!! there's many reasons shuichi is a relatable character, such as: 1. he's def lgbtq+ actually. in the free time events with kaito momota (another male character), shuichi's inner monologue says "only someone like him could tell me what i need to hear." before he internally scolds himself saying he "shouldn't talk about another boy like that" 2. self doubt. throughout the game, he doubts his detective skills a lot. well, in earlier chapters. he grows out of it but yk. he feels like he isn't a "real detective" n all 3. a. autism. throughout the entire prologue and chapter 1, he wears a hat to avoid eye contact. while there is an actual reason that isn't autism, i still think that's autism behavior. also he seemingly knows a lot about true crime and at one point, when another character brings up the victorian era, he responds by mentioning jack the ripper. 4. he's very sad. chapter 1? cries. chapter 3? cries. chapter 5? cries. chapter 6? cries. he might've cried other times i don't remember though. although it is fair bc people are dying. but even outside of the death, he is sad. refer to number 2. also he feels like he shouldn't have solved the case that made him the ultimate detective. (there are reasons for that. also linked to the hat.) and more"

Opossums (real life)

"Nocturnal creatures that just like wanna chill and eat, plus they have to lay down when really stressed, they are like me for real."

Midori Takamine (Ensemble Stars!! Music)

"- literally just some guy that gets dragged into things (accidentally became an idol somehow) - his only real interests are mascot characters and vegetables + he finds talking to people bothersome - all of his friends are extroverted or very friendly while midori is just… there. - cringefail loser who can’t talk to people without being nervous despite being a 5’10 giant and an idol (179cm), only really talks a lot when discussing mascots - depressed, just straight up clinical depression but its ok cause he’s working on it and doesn’t let it get him too down"

Seven of nine (Star Trek)

"seven of nine is a big ball of identity questioning in one person. she literally has a whole section on her wiki page titled "identity crises". mood. as a child she's snatched up and made part of a hivemind, all these cyborg augments put into her, the usual scifi stuff. but her story begins when she's freed. against her will, even if it's ultimately for the best. she has no idea how to relate to these people, how to speak or act or dress or sound. big autism mood. big trans mood. big gay mood, because she has no idea what anyone is supposed to do when dating and it turns out she's into women and ends up with a girlfriend so it's no wonder she couldn't connect to all the lessons about boyfriends and the attempt to date a man! multiple times she's forced to assimilate and act more "human" and change her name but she won't! and the people who make an effort to understand end up important found family and friends. and she ends up in control of her own life and a captain!! legend."

#nagisa ran #ensemble stars #waver velvet #fate series #shuichi saihara #danganronpa #danganronpa v3 #opossum #midori takamine #ensemble stars music #seven of nine #star trek #preliminaries #tumblr polls #tumblr tournament #character bracket #character tournament

[pizzaboat]

What do you think of Eda’s nightmare? Where not only is she captured by her mom and sister, but seeing her dad who was apparently hurt by her again.

I think it did an awsome job telling us more about what I already suspected about Eda's whole mental state. (You probably didn't ask for an analysis but I'm giving one lmao)

It told me that Eda is still afraid. She's afraid of how the curse impacts her life. She's afraid of the progress she made with her sister and her mom being erased and she's afraid of being a monster

And I think her dad is like, the symbol of her inability to forgive herself. Dell already lost his eye and his ability to carve to the owlbeast. The implication of her taking his last remaining eye and blinding him forever would be devastating.

Dell represents there being no hope of redemption of forgiveness for Eda in this dream. He's covered in blood and crying over how she could do this to him and that he'd already forgiven him and in canon Dell could never get Eda to accept his forgiveness because its implied it would just turn into an argument

Eda wasn't ready to repair things (accept that she could move on and accept his forgiveness in part) because she was afraid that at any time she could break that forgiveness and lose control again.

Which is what the nightmare is telling us happened to her.

And I think having Lilith and Gwendolyn turn their backs on Eda again here makes me think that a part of Eda believes that it was a mixture of her and the curse that turned her sister and mother against her.

Now, that's not really how things went down in canon, but it's a messy bunch of emotions that she'd have felt during the whole thing. It's not hard to imagine that Eda felt abandoned by Lilith and Gwen.

Like, its a fact, and she did have that episode where Gwen has to realise that she's been making Eda feel isolated and unwanted for a very long time. When gwen tells Eda that she loves every part of her, including the curse it brings on a shift in how Eda treats her own kids

Because again, she starts to believe just a little bit, that she's not so broken and so monstrous that her loving King and Luz like her own won't screw them up. This isn't a complete mental shift in her of course because she's still shown to be insecure and she spirals pretty quickly in episode 7 of season 2

And since Eda has spent a long time feeling abandoned, believing she deserves to be abandoned, that there's something wrong with her and that she's too inadequate to function as a person that makes changes in people's lives its really easy for her to forget all of what gwen said to her and the good times she's had with her kids

Cause when you're mentally ill and you're spiralling it's so easy for the things that are triggering you to dwarf and block out all the good things. And it's not as simple as being told one or two really needed positive messages once, to fix decades or just years of really bad trauma and a mentality like that

And her relationship with Lilith? That never got resolved in canon and I feel like the show acknowledges it with Lilith being back in black and looking at Eda with no familiarity or love anymore

There was never time to fix their relationship in canon. Maybe we would've seen more of a change if we got more seasons but we'll never know now. But it is important to note that Eda tried to connect with Lilith emediatly in the first episode of season 2 and nothing ever came of it because Lilith brushed her off

And then she left 3 episodes later for nearly the entirety of the season

What gets me about it all is that dispite how angry and hurt Eda should rightfully be at how Lilith treated her and her kids, she emediatly tries to have some sort of a relationship with her again

Which doesn't say great things about Eda's uh, self worth? Like. No boundaries are set down after all of this. And from what happened in episode 7 and everything we learned about how Eda views herself as a monster

It really gives "you hurt me, but if I push you away or set a boundary now then you'll leave me and I'll be alone."

That's sorta how I read it, as someone who can be like that I found myself recognising it in her and it makes a lot of sense to me because Eda sees herself as this unfit, monstrous person deep down, or atleast she's afraid that's what she is

And I think that all of this is important to remember when we see Lilith back there in this dream. Maybe Eda is afraid that all of her efforts to fix things between them will never be enough? That them falling out again will be her fault

It's super interesting that Eda acts so close with Lilith and Lilith with Eda at the end of the show, like how they ran to hug eachother and cry. Like this pure familial love that is sweet

But the nightmare kinda overshadows that for me when I remember just how not okay Eda is. Like, Lilith has healed somewhat but still needs so much therapy to be able to love herself and others and Eda just needs therapy.

Tough thing is I don't ever see Eda willingly going to therapy like Lilith would because Lilith has been told she needs therapy and brought to that conclusion and feels receptive to it and Eda would insist that she's fine and that nothing is that wrong with her

It would probably take Raine on her case because they saw her try to kill herself months prior and Lilith or her family learning more about how she's thinking, for them to decide to start talking her into it

But ultimately it would be Eda's decision. A lot of heartbreak would lead up to it to be honest

But back to the nightmare!

My conclusion is that

Dell represents her ability and right to be forgiven and redeemed by both herself and others

Gwendolyn represents Eda’s right to exist as a person in society

Lilith represents Eda's internal beliefs about herself. A bit about how much she deserves to demand and how she blames herself

They're all kinda different forms of how she blames, devalues, distrusts and dispises herself. (Look at all that alliteration!)

And the final obvious thing is that she's in chains, and starts of in the dungeons after hurting her dad because deep down she's terrified that people are right to want to persecute her, that there's no version of living where she lives freely and no one gets hurt (that others are better or without her) and that being locked up and caged is away is exactly where she belongs

#god shes such a poor meow meow #the owl house #toh #eda clawthorne #toh eda #edalyn clawthorne #lilith clawthorne #toh lilith #gwendolyn clawthorne #dell clawthorne #toh analysis