#i have known ppl who have had an unhealthy one and had to stop for their well-being | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

violentviolette · 1 year

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genuinely nothing i hate more these days than the word "supply"

"narcissists need supply" "npd is the need for supply" "how to get supply" "what to do when u have no supply" ect ect into infinity. it's so unbelievably ableist and othering and disingenuous and the more i see other ppl with npd adopting this language the worse and worse its getting

"supply" is not some unique need that only we have. it's validation. it's attention. it's acknowledgment. its feeling valued and wanted and seen. it's a human need that literally everyone on earth has and requires for healthy mental stability. it's why isolation is considered torture for humans. but calling it "supply" as a shorthand because u dont want to write out all those specific words is a horrendous decision that only adds to pathologizing ur entire self and worsening ur disorder

the reasons people with npd seek out that normal human need in unhealthy and maladaptive ways and cannot generate those feelings internally is what makes things different for us. abuse means we were never taught how to properly develop healthy feelings and skills surrounding those base needs because they were used against us and exploited in abusive ways. thats what makes the way we seek it out and our inability to cope with its lack disordered symptoms. but the thing we are seeking, the validation and attention and acknowledgement, is not some "other" thing that only narcissists need and needing those things at all is not what means u have npd. npd is not at all, in any way, "the need for supply" and to say so is being hugely ablest.

there's been this trend of taking ablest language and stigma's against us because narc abuse ppl have flooded the lexicon with these terms and so they're the most well known and putting positive language around it and just using it like it's fact devoid of any critical thought or nuance. u see it with supply, with malignant or covert and overt narcissism, narc rage, ect. like. this stuff is othering and ablist and stigmatizing af at best and flat out incorrect at worst. there is no way to meaningfully reclaim that language and use it to describe our experience

the push to use buzzword language and label every emotion had by a cluster b with a Moniker does absolutely nothing to actually help ppl with these disorders better understand and learn to cope with them and in fact is actively harmful and patholigizing. u stop engaging with the actual real specific things ur feeling because u stop naming them, u put distance between the uncomfortable truth and urself by slapping a title on it and not fully engaging with it. all the while othering urself and ur needs. ur now no longer just a person with specific needs ur a "narcissist who needs supply" which gets watered down and misunderstood until everyone has a different meaning of the words and u cant have a useful conversation about peoples problems and struggles and the support they need

people with cluster b disorders are normal people. we are human beings. the emotions we experience, even the disordered ones, are human emotions that everyone is capable of. our needs are normal human needs that everyone has. the specifics of them will be different, the exact how and when and why will be different. lots of it will be disordered and unhealthy and incorrect by nature and need to be reevaluated or relearned or adjusted. but the core base emotions and needs that we have are *normal and human*

#jack.speaks #npd #npd safe #cluster b #cluster b pd #cluster b personality disorder #also im not trying to speak about this from a place of superiority #like i very much used to try and work within that framework and use this language too #ive used supply and narc rage to describe things #but the more i did and the more ive seen other people use it and it become the standard language #the more harm i think its doing and the more i think we all really shouldnt be using these words for our own sake

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ninicaise · 9 months

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I love your posts so much! I’m curious, what do u think would be Laurent and Damen’s thoughts on open relationships, do u think it’s something they would try?

interesting question. i've made it into a joke already in this post and also there are these fantastic tags from @/not-a-coral-snake and it's the best thing ever so true so funny so them.

it's quite evident laurent has no interest in being with anyone other than damen. furthermore we don't see damen being interested in anyone ever again after he has a night with laurent + it makes both of them very jealous when they see or think about the other with someone else. so at least in the universe they're in i doubt they'd be genuinely interested in that kind of relationship. know that if they ever tried it they'd be miserable, and in an easy happy peaceful world they wouldn't even think about it.

unfortunately these people do not live in an easy happy peaceful world. it's inevitable that they at least discuss the possibility. however the only way i could see them having an open relationship agreement is through some sort of misunderstanding of each other's needs.

there's the fact that at least akielos is a culture in which people and esp nobles are expected to have multiple lovers/a harem. laurent goes above and beyond and a bit too much when trying to compensate for something he did (trying to die for damen for example) and i think for a certain period of time he would be respectful of akielon culture to the point of being too much. forcing damen's own culture onto damen himself, kind of thing.

it's likely damen has had open relationships in the past (jokaste anyone). he knows how they work, he grew up knowing it to be a natural thing, he knows that as king he is expected to have a variety of lovers. and likely in any other circumstance he would. he just isn't interested unless laurent is involved. damen hates the idea tbh but he will give laurent what he wants bc he thinks well. maybe laurent wants to explore his sexuality a little more with more people who aren't damen after years of repressing it (he doesn't) and if he is insisting so much then he must have a good reason (objectively he doesn't).

plus, and i think this one is the most likely, laurent knows he's not exactly an easy lover. ppl overestimate the amount of both self-respect and self-confidence laurent has wayyy to often. laurent is canonically insecure about anything sex related and a future-oriented control freak, so he'd try to have control over any affair damen might have if at some point laurent stops being enough by ensuring he will be able to claim that he knew all along, that laurent was the one who allowed it, laurent was in control the whole time. kind of like with th i know who you are damianos thing. i've known all along. i know you'll get tired of how complicated i am eventually i know everything i am prepared for every possible outcome you can't catch me chaos of this world etc etc.

it's not that he can tolerate the idea of damen being w other ppl, it's just that he thinks he has to tolerate it bc 1) he doesn't deserve a say 2) the alternative (damen getting tired, feeling trapped and leaving altogether) is way worse 3) he thinks it will happen eventually anyway and this is the only way he can remain dignified. or so he thinks. lol. this mindset is of course unhealthy. so he should work on that.

#asks #laurent is that girl that says its ok if my man cheats. as long as he loves me <3 #damen is the boyfriend in theory but the horrified best friend in practice #captive prince #damen x laurent #thx for the compliment btw

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helly-watermelonsmellinfellon · 2 years

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I'm on a bit of a rant.

Dave is legit willing to do everything BUT lose the weight he needs for the surgery. He's known about this requirement since he was injured mind you. Mom told him no one will touch him at his current weight level, because there is always a risk of dying on the table during surgery and even greater with obese individuals in reaction to medications.

He ignored her, then got an arthroscopy and was told he needed additional work but that no one would take the chance on him cuz he's too overweight. He was told to lose 50lbs at the least. This was back in March of 2022. He bragged about how easy it would be. He then spent months using using money he did not earn, to buy himself chips, popcorn, and various other snacks during every shopping trip he went on.

And we found out because I'm nosy and don't trust him(mom doesn't either obviously but she's not able-bodied enough to check) and decided to inspect the drawers under the TV in the motel we were staying in. He was always blocking the drawers whenever he had to get something(rice, pasta, etc...) so when he was gone I snooped and found Twizzlers, Chips and Dip, Popcorn, Little Debbie snacks, and even more unhealthy shit he was keeping for himself. And he conveniently never had a receipt to give mom so she couldn't check.

He got called out. He didn't stop, he just stopped hiding it. He also decided to start buying 'vegan stuff' which equated to buying this 5oz cauliflower thing once a week and acting like he made some big change in his dietary habits.

Mind you, this entire time, he was only buying himself snacks with mine and mom's money. He wasn't getting the rest of us anything. And if he ever had to get someone a salad he threw a fit about it like he was using his own money or something.

So now he's trying to convince ppl he knew over a decade ago, who are vets that work in farms, to do the surgery on him cuz he doesn't want to lose the weight or pay for it now that he's lost his insurance(cuz he refused to do the steps necessary to keep tit btw). And none of them will help him because THEY FUCKING CAN'T! Legally and just in general cuz they don't have the training or qualifications.

All this because he doesn't want to eat healthy or exercise. Mind you, for a time we were allowed to stay in a hotel with a small pool and swimming was an acceptable exercise form and Bethy and I were swimming every day while he made every excuse on why he couldn't. Could walk out to the lobby and bother everyone for money or simply follow Bethy around cuz he was jealous that she made friends with ppl in the hotel, but couldn't find it in himself to exercise.

This must be a him specific thing because even I know men who aren't this fucking lazy.

Like, he wants his son's wife to do the surgery on him now! Cuz she was studying to become a nurse.

She lived in a nice apartment and her rich parents were paying for everything. Rent, school, and then gave her like a $2K allowance each month for whatever she wanted. She met his son and let him move in and gave him her allowance money and he wasted all of it in a week(he did this with his last 3 girlfriends btw). Her parents found out and forbade her from doing it again because he's a leech, and told her he's not on the lease and has to leave. She didn't listen and did it again. They stopped paying her tuition. She didn't stop the next month. They stopped paying her rent. She became homeless and came back with my step-brother to live with US. Dropped out of school and everything. And there's Dave telling her nurses aren't important anyway and love(more like utter blind loyalty to his son) was more important.

And now he's whining cuz she didn't finish her schooling, but still expects her to perform surgery on his leg and is bitching cuz she won't! She can't She literally cannot! She was nowhere near qualification to handle patients by herself, let alone be allowed to even assist in a surgery before she dropped out of school because of HIS SON!

He's so fucking ignorant and I'm so damn tired of him. He's physically capable of doing contracted volunteer work at the Salvation Army every day(of which both sides signed a contract to help us and yet they've not held up their end of the contract and it's been a month btw) but he can't exercise and eat healthy? We got whole wheat pasta out the ass, bags upon bags of brown rice in storage, and canned veggies from the food bank every week. It's not fun but it's there. There are options. He's just lazy.

#poverty #homelessness #this dude is the most annoying man i've ever met

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maldito-arbol · 2 years

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Here we gooo

Loreeee yum, HEART LORE YUMMM

Andy is here now /neg

Heart <3<3<3

“It is a question Heart is unsure how to tackle. Their own origins are fuzzy even to them, but they remember a familiar face, a soft voice, the sharp curve of a long stick. They also remember large hands. A sense that they have missed something. A dark void that seems inhabited by more than just them. Green. Pink. And they are blue, they think, as they gaze out to the ocean around them. They are water too, perhaps, but they have never known until now. They had not seen snow melt so much until it happened. “ The first couple of parts make me think of valeriana tbh, also , more?

Barrelllll grrrrrrrr I do not like you grrrrr

Intresting stuffffff mmmmmmmmm yes

👀👀👀 heart being in a body for the first time is so Intresting

Froog and strength are the best chaotic duo I’m calling it

WITNEY!!

Eating all of this

Heandrias (?) shit yum this is gonna go baddd

Yeah strength and froog <3333

Heartttt moo

Gay ppl wow

Heandrias shit oh fuck no

What are the heart and wit doing? We shall seee

“They do hear them question Barrel, however, to which Wit responds, blissfully unaware, “Don’t worry, I am crawling.”” Hahsjsjsjsha witneyyy

Froog!! My Scrunkly scrimblo blorbo <3

Strength is here!!!

No no not the basement fuck

Andrias noo

“The letters were angry, exclamation points and scattershot curse words peppered into what was perhaps the most egregious use of incorrect grammar he had ever laid eyes on. And the pictures? The pictures showed her, another frog, presumably a romantic partner, and his heart stopped when he saw a tadpole in her arms. “ !!!!!!!! 👀👀👀👀 the tadpole is a plantar ancestor aren’t they Mal

“

“It was easy to leave,” she admits, and she grabs the collar of her hooded cloak, tugs down and down to expose the bare of her chest, a huge angrily red scar painted wildly across it. “My mother used to hit me too, but not so much with household items. This was a coffee pot.” “ nooo froog :((((( my girl :(

““Sometimes…” is a mutter she says mostly to herself, but with their close proximity Andrias has no trouble hearing it. “I lay awake at night hoping when I close my eyes they’ll never open again.” Malll whyy, my girl has ✨issues ✨

Barrel boooooo, I’m gonna spray bottle him for calling wit and dimwit >:(

“Before they depart, however, Wit pauses one last time to speak to them. “Thank you for bringing me out, Heart,” she tells them, warm and happy and truly grateful. “I had a lot of fun.” “ Heartney so true <3<3

“That is not how one makes friends. You are not my friend and I am not yours. I belong solely to my Andrias. “ Hearttttt noooo nooo my Scrunkly noooo

The Scrunkles are bondinggg

I don’t remember the ship name for wit and strength but, so true <333 gay ppl

Heart holy shit 😭pleaseee mal why are you doing this

Godddd ““It was the right thing to do, coming to me with this,” he tells them, unreadable and yet electrifying. “You understand I still have to punish you though, right?” And it is whispered so dangerously it reverberates through Heart’s entire being. “ fucking hell o god mallll why, they are so unhealthy godd

Idk what to say just god holy fuck

“They count every crack, every break, every little line of imperfection that crosses their once perfect form.

Because every single one means I love you. “

Heart holy shit…. just, Jesus

Wit and strength being gay and happy while heart is going through it

Froog <\3

Nooo wit my girlll nooo

Godd Mal why why

“That’s not what I’m doing!!” She raises her voice now. “Why do you always assume the worst?! I liketalking to the gems—they don’t berate me constantly like you and Barrel do! And if I had to guess, you’ve been doing it to them too!! Treating them like shit just because you know you’ll get away with it! Heart flinched just a minute ago—don’t even try to tell me you haven’t hit them!”

Heart is not sure who makes the move—whether it is their own instinct, or Andrias’s, or maybe a little bit of both of them, but that giant hand that makes them so, so angry shoots out, those fingers that have cracked and broken them so many times close around a tiny pink form, and her words are choked into nothingness . Little legs squirm and strain against their palm, but neither of them let go. They cannot. They do not want to. “

FROOG FROOG FROGG NOO

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

Barrel boooo

Oh fuck noo why andriasss whyy

Boooo andrias dad booo

Andrias nooo let go of froogggg

WOOO YEAH WARHAMMER YEAHHH

Goddd

Booo andrias bitch motherfucker I hate him so much

OOOOOOOOO WIT AND STRENGTH HAVE BEEN IN A BODY TOGETHER BEFORE MARCY

The core holy fuck holy fuck

“He is smiling at Andrias, a smile that he simultaneously wants to beat into a pulp and kiss into oblivion, that perfectly awful juxtaposition between the two intense emotions for his dear friend. He growls. “ gay ppl /neg

“Barrel’s hands are trembling, but he nods. “My destiny awaits.” He cracks a smile of his own. “And so does yours.”

When he flips the switch, the world fills with sound. Screams, cries, the grating and terrifying scrapes of metal coming alive before them both.

Oh, he hates being crossed, but watching his oldest friend reach something he has worked for with all his blood, sweat, and tears is something he just cannot bring himself to prevent.

And the hope in Heart dies with Barrel.

The Core was supposed to be ours.

A single, orange eye opens from the top to the bottom, and it snaps to them both, utterly silent in the dead of night. “ GRGHRHSHSHSHSHAJJAIEE MAL IM GONNA DIE

That fucking crown grrrr

“They grow numb to the suffering by the time they return to the box for the long haul. By the time the three of them drift through the passage of time for centuries and centuries until one girl finds them one day, a dusty old box on a shelf in a thrift store, when she takes what does not belong to her, when she and her friends open the box and three gems are released all over again, but they are so, so different this time.

They had held out hope that they would see Andrias again, but when they finally did, the finality of change that had desecrated their once fiercely and deathly loyal self so too had severed their tie to him. They could not go back. As much as they craved to, as much as they desperately missed him, they cannot lose another. They cannot lose Anne Boonchuy.

They will never lose another. “ MALLLL GRRR,

Godddd this whole thing

““You deserved so much better, Heart,” she says instead, and the entire world flips on its head. “Maybe if you’d gotten someone who wasn’t Andrias, maybe if you’d gotten someone even just a little bit nicer, maybe you wouldn’t feel like you need to do bad things all the time.” Her gaze is downcast, reflective. “What you had with him was not healthy . It was… abusive. Nobody should ever treat you like that.”” Yess anneee say itt

“It strikes them like a stab through the chest. Proud. She’s proud of me.

“ Mal Mal Mal Mal Mal

““…Anne.” They try it. It feels strange, but in a good way. Saying everyone’s full names gets tiring after a while. “Does this mean we’re friends?”

“Geez, you’re persistent,” she tells them, but it doesn’t sound like an insult. “Like I said, I can’t say we’re friends, but I also can’t say we’ll never be. There’s still a lot you have to apologize for, still a lot you’ve gotta work on, but now that I understand where a lot of it comes from, I could help you?”

“Are you okay with that?”

She nods. “Yeah! I like helping people. Doing it too much is my problem, but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna stop completely. And maybe we can help each other. I still have a ways to go myself.”

Helping each other. That sounds… beautiful.

“I would like that.”” 🥺🥺I’m gonna die

I am gonna sue you now Mal >:(( why would you do this to all of them, just let them be gay and happy.

HEART TIME LORE TIME ITS EXCITEMENT HOURS

FUCK Andy all my homies hate Andy

Heheeehehehehehehe

Yes. Yes I AM dropping hints about the gems’ origins, but we’ll get into it more during Witney’s chapter!

Ah, Barrel. I both love and hate this man so much (affectionate)

GOOD

YES!! I LOVE THE GEMS LEARNING TO NAVIGATE BODIES

THEY ARE AND YOU SHOULD SAY IT

WITNEYYYY

Heandrias is the worst thing I ever did and I’m so proud of it

What :) are :)) Heart :))) and :)))) Wit :))))) doing :))))))

THE “DONT WORRY I AM CRAWLING” LINE WAS MY FUCKING FAVORITE AND I HAVE WANTED TO MAKE A COMIC ABOUT IT SINCE THE DAY I STARTED THE HEART CHAPTER ITS SO FUNNY, ESPECIALLY SINCE HEART TAKES IT 100% SERIOUSLY

Welcome to the Basement again :)

Oh Yes this is my explanation for where the Plantars came from!! Terrible isn’t it

Froog has…been through it. This poor baby

We’re all gonna spray bottle Barrel for being a dick to Witney

HEARTNEY SO FUCKING TRUE

They’re bonding we love to see it <3

WENGTH. WENGTH MY BELOVED.

Because I Can :^)

Heandrias is by far the Worst Relationship I have ever created, I should give myself a fucking medal

Yeah. It’s a lot isn’t it.

Fucking rip my girl Froog, she deserved so much better 💔

Andrias’s dad we Hate to see him

YES WENGTH HAVE BEEN CONVERGED BEFORE ISNT THAT FUN (TERRIBLE)

Gay ppl/neg (HEY YOU FOUND A WAY TO USE /NEG)

*pats u*

The Crown :^)

Heart and Anne my beloveds 💜 let them have healthy character interaction for the love of god

Thank u for the ask and haha just try to take me to court you’ll never take me aliiiiiiiive

#ask mal #CMTO #i didnt proofread my own response this time I’m rushing today andkdkksksksksk

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compassionatereminders · 3 years

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hi..i hope this is okay? if not feel free to delete & ignore. this isn’t asking you for advice on anything. just a vent bc i feel ashamed of the whole thing and can’t rly talk to anyone about it.

i isolated myself from just about all of my friends during my last relationship, even ones i’d known for over a decade..i loved my ex but those years i was with her were really lonely. i have new friends now & i love and feel very loved by all of them, but i miss my old friends a lot. i feel guilty about cutting them off and a really weird kind of anger about it. i didn’t want to stop talking to any of them. i loved them so much. but i was under this awful pressure from my ex to choose between them or her and each time it was the worst & most painful decision id ever had to make. now i don’t have any friends who have known me for very long anymore and idk! that makes me really sad! jealous even, sometimes. of all my friends who have old friends. and my ex who got to keep all her friends. sometimes i think about reaching out to the ppl i stopped talking to, but my ex is still in & out of my life, and i don’t want a situation like that to come up again. i don’t even know how i’d apologize for it anyway. so i guess it’s just a Thing. idk. i’m having a hard night thinking about it right now

I don't think it's your fault that you were stuck in an unhealthy relationship where you faced pressure to isolate yourself. You didn't just dump your friends, you were manipulated into distancing yourself from your support network. That difference matters! So while I know you didn't ask for advice, my advice is that you get that ex out of your life for good and that you go tell your old friends what happened back then and that it wasn't your decision. I'd give you another chance if it was me who was in your old friends shoes. I'm sure most people would once they hear the whole story.

#chat with kat

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aro-culture-is · 4 years

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1)I'm aro & even tho I came to know about that term just recently I've alys had the 'aro' personality & those who know me knows it. I'm 23 & never been in a relation. I'm also introvert so I don't really have close friends & i don't desire other's company whether romantic or not. When I was 14 I had this guy frn & I guess we were pretty close. I stopped talking to him over some argument about he wanting me to be his gf. I wasn't planning on not speaking with him forever but he died a week later

2)So since I'm in 20s and suddenly everythings about finding the missing piece crap I always get pressured into seeking it. I tell my mom time and again that it's not for me but she keeps pointing out that I'm shy introvert and I don't know what I'm missing and the story of that guy. I honestly don't have much memory of him now but she tells me that I was devastated and she was worried sick for me cause she thought he was my bf. So now I'm confused and try to look at myself w/o those things

3) but I can't. I don't know if I need therapy and this aromantic is sth in me that can be fixed. I don't mean to degrade the word. And I don't know if I want it fixed even if it's fixable. I don't know how to answer to my mom bringing up possible trauma that may be possible for me being aro. There has to be other people with similar situation. What is on the other side?

4) sorry this this getting too long but I want to add about how he died to get a gist of how fucked up it was. I used to help him with studies and we often had extra classes where I used to go with him insisting that he go since he had difficulty getting decent grades. That day I didn't call him as I said I wasn't talking with him. He had gone for swimming when we had class. He drowned in a river nearby. It was never known if it was accidental or not.

TWs: trauma, implied suicide (as a possibility), internalized arophobia

okay... so, i’m going to preface this with the fact that regardless of the aromantic side of things, the language that you used throughout this would make me inclined to suggest therapy regardless. i’m not a professional, i’m just a 20yo who’s seen a lot of the growth of the aro community on tumblr over the last 7 years.

the reason i’m saying this is specifically that you mention “i guess we were pretty close”, “don’t have much memory of him now”, etc., especially paralleled with how you keep mentioning that you’re getting info about this from your mother. again, i’m not a professional, but that speaks to me of a traumatic situation (aka: something that you were not emotionally capable of processing when it happened) in which you either didn’t form memories well (a stress response, but this seems unusually severe in my limited understanding) or possibly have repressed it to some degree. both are totally normal responses, but nonetheless it might help to speak to a qualified professional about your experience with this if it’s distressing you enough to ask me, a random internet blog, about it in this detail.

additionally, in all honesty, i’m concerned that your only source of info seems to be your mother. while i’ll say in full disclosure that my view is impacted by my own (shitty) relationship with my mother, many parents want their children to lead what they picture to be a perfect life, to the point of causing damage in their attempts to mold their children into those lives. if this specifically is only being brought up when you talk about being aro / in conjunction with conversations about dating, that would lead me to suspect this is the case.

with regards to the aromantic side of this ask:

1) being aromantic is first and foremost about attraction. if you don’t think you’ve ever, or rarely, felt romantic attraction? you’re aro. you don’t have to claim the label if you don’t want to, but I think in your case it sounds like you do want to.

2) with ppl assuming that you were dating someone especially when you were 14, i’d disregard anything they say. at least in USA culture, mothers especially are poor judges of who is and is not dating in my experience, and typically assume any friends who happen to be a guy and a girl must actually be dating. literally it’s so rare for parents, especially mothers in this culture not to assume that that i actually cannot think of a person who i know who didn’t have their parents make that assumption at least once when it wasn’t true.

3) the relationship between aromanticism and trauma is often personal. ppl who have experienced trauma that they believe caused them to be aro are still aromantic if they chose to label themselves such, and it is directly unhealthy to take that control away from a trauma victim. while again, i am not a professional, i was given basic training about how best to support a victim of trauma, and the number one thing is that you must give them the reigns. they ultimately must have power over what happens to them. empowerment is extremely important.

that said: studies do find that the average alloromantic person experiences their first crushes around the age of 10. if you personally don’t recall having had any crushes before this experience, I wouldn’t be quick to describe your aromanticism as stemming from trauma. if you did have crushes, but you recall picking a person to have a crush on, that’s not what an alloromantic person calls a crush, that’s what an aromantic person who is trying to fit in calls a crush. so. there’s that to think about.

4) from the last point: “curing” aromanticism. if and only if your lack of attraction stems from trauma do i believe there is a chance that therapy could help to unlock any form of attraction you used to have. in all honesty, though, I would strongly advise that if you do believe this is the correct course of action for you, you cannot go into this with a therapist who isn’t respectful of queer identities. you cannot go into this with the expectation that everything will “return to normal”. trauma is complex. therapists with no knowledge of aromanticism could easily do harm simply because they aren’t familiar with the fact that people who don’t experience romantic attraction can live fulfilling lives.

this ask is complex. i’m really hoping i’ve answered it the best i can, but ultimately, all i can do is say this:

i’m sorry that you experienced this. what happened was not your fault, and you deserve to be able to move forwards with your life regardless and feel content with your life.

for as long as you want it, the label aromantic is yours to claim. no one can take that from you. sometimes, well-meaning people may try, because they don’t know better than to assume it is harming you. that does not mean that they know you better than you know yourself.

trauma is complicated, and healing from it can feel daunting. however, therapy can help you process what happened then, what is happening now, and come to a conclusion about how best to move forwards. it sounds to me like you harbor a feeling of guilt about a situation that, no matter what, was not your fault. accident or not, anyone who tries to imply that it was your fault is wrong. i know that my words as a stranger might not carry much weight, but if nothing else I want you to know that you are allowed to stop carrying this weight.

this ask is complex because in all honesty? i don’t think is about aromanticism. as someone who is currently in therapy, and who regularly discusses my own trauma with my therapist, i’m reading a lot of the same types of feeling i’m currently confronting in your ask.

best wishes

#aro #aromantic #actually aro #actually aromantic #ask #advice #tw trauma #tw suicide #trauma tw #suicide tw #again tagging suicide because of the implication #that i as a person who prefers to not read those implications would want #god i hope this is okay #anon please know that i care very much #and that if therapy is something you can afford i would highly recommend it #Anonymous #mod kee

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mbti-notes · 4 years

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Anonymous asked:

Hello. How to be a well-known and well-liked person at work?

Why do you want to know? What is your underlying motivation? When you approach personal learning and development without a clear or authentic intention, you are liable to stumble badly and get unpleasant results. Your question includes a lot of confused thinking, which is a major part of the problem.

I used to think that knowledge and working hard are the only things necessary for success at work. I haven't had a career yet. but I hear from others that other factors and office politics are also involved. Good comunication and social skills, being liked by coworkers and bosses for example. There are people who join a workplace/college and after a short time, they know almost everyone and everyone knows them, trusts and loves them. Bosses like and respect them, don't want replace them, etc.

You seem to “think” a lot of things. And to what end exactly? Do you enjoy “thinking” yourself into a pit of worry? You don’t possess any meaningful experience, yet you still claim to “know” things based only on some imaginings and secondhand information. This kind of speculation is problematic, a bad cognitive habit that should be stopped, because it is counter-productive to learning and growth. You are misinterpreting the few facts that you’re hearing. Yes, it is a fact that some people are good at socializing, but what does that mean for YOU? Does it mean that you have to be just like them? Yes, good social skills are required to succeed in some work environments? But all of them? Don’t jump to conclusions so quickly. You can’t seem to tell the difference between a fact and your own faulty interpretations of the fact.

Do you believe that you can become a good footballer by listening to people talk about how to play or describe their impressions of a few matches they watched? Secondhand information is subjective and anecdotal. You take the few facts that were presented and then you stitch together an elaborate narrative of some abstract “workplace” that you believe represents ultimate reality. This is very poor reasoning. In the end, you construct a very distorted view of the world and become blinded by faulty or oversimplified beliefs about how the world works. All this before having even stepped out the door, so to speak.

While I like to have that, I don't have the energy or skills for that as an introvert. I don't know how to start a good conversation or get people to like me, trust me and open up to me. I would naturally want to get the job done and go home. I'm not really interested in people's lives. meeting with more than seven people or going somewhere crowded gives me social anxiety and sensory overload. and Idk what is ok to say/ask in convos. Idk if I should be friendly or professional with bosses, supervisors and coworkers. or what behavior is ok or too much.

If you want to learn, then learn. There are lots of resources available out there. If you don't want to learn, then don't. It's your choice to make, as it's your life to live. DO YOU OR DO YOU NOT WANT TO LEARN? I can’t help you if you are stuck in contradiction and talking out of both sides of your mouth, saying that you both want but don’t want (i.e. unaware of who you really are or what you really want). How are you ever going to get motivated when you can’t commit to any particular desire/goal/direction?

If you suffer from severe social anxiety, get professional help for it. Social skills can be learned, just like learning how to play football by actually playing it though hours of practice. If you want to learn any worthwhile skill, you must put in time and effort to study and practice repeatedly, to get better gradually - it is certainly tiring - no pain, no gain. Is feeling “tired” the end of the world? You seem to believe that it is for some strange reason, which means that you’re not willing to put in the work? If you’re not willing to work hard, that is the end of the story.

So I just stay safe, overly formal, independent and polite. I prefer to be alone. During long hours of college or socializing, I stay quiet and anxious, get headaches and feel dizzy/confused. And I'm not on any social media because I don't care about the pictures people post about family, pets, celebs. I'm also not assertive and I'm afraid of drama or ppl hurting/using me.

"Stay safe" is the key phrase. Generally speaking, an excessive desire for safety is rooted in emotional problems, often stemming from painful memories and/or traumatic experiences. Until you resolve the emotional problems that keep you stuck and resistant against venturing outside your comfort zone, you won’t be able to grow as a person. The heavier the emotional baggage you’re unconsciously dragging around, the more “tiring” the learning process is, because there are too many self-inflicted psychological obstacles holding you back.

Instead of facing up to your emotional problems, you’d rather entertain useless speculation about imaginary workplaces and people you haven’t met yet, making yourself more and more scared (in order to justify isolation)? It’s quite easy to speculate and imagine all the possible threats out there in the world. It’s hard to examine the reality of how much you fear being hurt and how the fear twists your perception of reality. You keep taking the easy road and then wonder why you never get anywhere. DO YOU OR DO YOU NOT WANT TO CHANGE? Once again, I can’t help you if you are stuck in contradiction and talking out of both sides of your mouth, saying that you both like and don’t like how you are (i.e. unaware of who you really are or what you really want). I only help people who are fully committed to change.

I already know the consequences of being the way I am.

I’d argue that you don't understand - another example of thinking that you “know” when you really don’t. You've emphasized that you prefer to be alone, which means that you LIKE the consequences - your feelings tell the true story. You don't perceive the consequences as being negative, so why would you change your behavior? If you like isolation, isolate. Why not just “be yourself” and live the life that you want? Who says that you have to be anything but what you are? Why do you even care about any of this “social” stuff (that you also claim to not care about)? Why pressure yourself to be something that you’re not? If you put the pressure on yourself, then you take it off at any time.

But “being yourself”, if you’re doing it properly, won’t lead you into an unhealthy tertiary loop, so you’re not doing it properly, are you? If you’re not ready to leave your loop, don’t. Keep pretending that you’re “staying true” to your antisocial self, keep enjoying the safety of isolation, until you can’t live in denial anymore. That’s how most people have to play out their tertiary loop.

One day, when you’ve had enough, you may realize that your desire for isolation isn’t actually “staying true” to who you are and what you want. One day, you may realize that “staying true to yourself” was just an excuse, that you don’t really know yourself at all, and that your self-image has been nothing but a twisted little ball of fear all along. In other words, right now, your idea of “being yourself” is actually just being a scared little puppy that hides from every loud noise - is this what you really are and want to be? Is there nothing more to you than fear? Do you want to spend your entire life under the spell of the irrational fears you have conjured up to protect your comfort zone?

I need your help. How can I develop interest in people? How can I have more energy to socialize? How can I gain social skills and get people to like me, trust me, open up with me and let me in? (without being fake or pushy?).

Very simple: You have to care about more than just yourself and your own safety and comfort. But this is impossible if you leave your fear unaddressed and it continues to hijack your whole mindset. When you live in fear, you are all too willing to believe that people are bad and the world is terrible (based on selective evidence gathering), only looking out for yourself and your own feelings, which, in the end, amounts to starting every relationship in an extreme state of defensiveness and self-centeredness. A person needs to know you to like you, and how would they know you when you are emotionally closed-off and obviously hostile to their advances, when all you show them is coldness? A positive relationship should be built through the connection of two open and trusting hearts. Cynicism about people or society is merely a convenient cover that allows fearful or helpless people to feel safe/superior, but only in their own mind. Living in a coffin, worrying or complaining about the outside world without ever venturing out, is surely safe emotionally. But nothing ever happens there, does it? You’ve put yourself in there because you’re scared, which means that it’s up to you to own your fear and step out anyway.

How can I maintain relationships?

By putting in the time and effort to build your social skills and learn through firsthand relationship experiences. By taking the time to care about something other than yourself. Even psychopaths manage to care about the people closest to them. Is the problem that you can’t care or that you won’t care? If it’s a problem of won’t, why won’t you?

Relationship skills aren’t something that can be summarized in one paragraph, especially if you have a lot of dysfunctional relationship habits to unlearn. I've already recommended many relevant books on the resources list. Are you a good learner? From what you’ve said, I suspect that you have trouble learning or accepting advice because you always think that you know better and/or have an excuse ready to rebut good advice? If you’re serious about learning, then devote yourself fully to studying and practicing.

How can I learn office politics? How can I make my bosses like/trust me without seeming fake?

"Office politics" is not what you believe it is - dismantle your faulty fearful beliefs. Every workplace is just a group of people, made up of various individuals, some of them not too different from you. The quality of a group depends on the quality of the individuals and what they contribute to it collectively, and this varies quite widely from group to group and the size of it. If you contribute negativity, you influence others to be negative. If you contribute positivity, you influence others to be positive. But you don’t care about how you affect others because you don’t even recognize that you have any power to affect anything due to your fear, passivity, and helplessness. All you care about is whether you get paid? Work has no other benefit or purpose besides monetary compensation?

Some of the surest signs of having poor social skills include:

mindreading: presuming to know what people think/feel with little to no evidence; grossly misinterpreting people’s intentions/behavior due to fear, insecurity, anxiety, or overactive imagination

prejudice: making blanket/overgeneralized judgments about individuals, groups, or society based on very selective “facts” or superficial characteristics; unable to treat people as individuals to be dealt with in an adaptable case-by-case basis

self-centeredness: compulsively resorting to inauthentic and/or defensive behavior to manipulate social situations for personal reward/comfort; unable to understand situations from other people’s point of view

You suffer all three problems. You are quick to assume that people have ill-intentions. You like to divide people up into these or those “kinds” of people. You only care about people in terms of whether they make you feel good/bad and inexplicably refuse to care about their perspective.

A healthy relationship should be mutually satisfying in order to establish a sense of connectedness. A healthy relationship should be mutually beneficial in order to establish a sense of equality. A healthy relationship should include mutual caring and sharing in order to establish intimacy. Why would anyone want to enter a relationship with you if you make them feel uneasy, unsatisfied, and uncared for? Would you want to enter a relationship with you? If you’re a terrible friend, you’ll feel undeserving of friendship, because, deep down, you believe that you don’t deserve any kindness for never giving any kindness to anyone. If you want good friendships, you must first be a good friend. If you’re not willing to open up emotionally to care for people, that is the end of the story.

How can I make sure people don't see me as a good target to hurt, use or gossip about?

What is the source of your paranoia? Why is your first stance towards the social world one of negativity, fear, mistrust, suspicion, attack-and-defense? If you’ve been hurt before and that’s why you’re scared, then address that problem. Serious questions: Have you ever known LOVE? Have you ever known a caring, supportive, empathetic, and intimate relationship with someone? If you haven’t, for whatever reason, then you have a lot to learn about relationships. But going around pretending that you already know how people are (out to get you) and how the social world works (to victimize you) is not going to help you learn. You won’t learn if you already presume to know.

I haven't had a job yet. but I'm honestly afraid of having a career for these reasons.

You can’t prepare for every situation in life. No amount of mental preparation is going to eliminate your fear when the fear itself is always left unaddressed. Go out into the world, live your life, learn from your experiences. That's how life goes. But you don't want to live in real life, do you? You prefer living in your own imagination, pretending to know what the world is like without proper breadth of experience?

"Afraid" is the key word. Are you really ready to confront your fear? I don't think you are yet because you are still talking about how nice it is to be safely protected by tertiary loop. No one can force you to let go of your faulty beliefs when you depend on them so much for safety. You overthink and overanalyze, speculate and imagine, turn human beings into abstractions, convince yourself that you “know” when you really don’t... all for what? It is all a defense mechanism that keeps you trapped within yourself, ruminating in circles. It's all just meant to hide the fact that you are afraid, helpless, and willfully ignorant (in twisting the facts). The solution to fear is to actively confront it. The solution to helplessness is mastering the appropriate social and emotional skills. The solution to willful ignorance is humility: let go of what you think you know so that you can finally start to learn fresh.

#social skills #people skills #social anxiety #ti loop #friendship #career #past #baggage #emotional intelligence #ask

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honeyfreckled · 4 years

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The way u write for us big gurls has inspired me to start writing my own plu ssize!reader series!😊 it’s refreshing to see myself written in such honest ways💜I’m tired of only reading y/nwho is shy plus hates her body. Reading genuine fics for my size from u has been phenomenal for my confidence. Lol I haven’t even dated yet but even I can tell you are writing it realer than what I’ve seen. Keep it up babes and know you ARE making a difference. 💓

ahhh I’m soft tysm i try rlly hard to be truthful to my own experiences as a fat woman. I cant believe yr sayin i inspired you it makes my heart swell tbh i never thought I’d be someone who could inspire anyone. wow e wow wow. tbh i rlly appreciate u noticing my attempt at a diff approach. I got sick of stories w fat readers focused on self hatred. or where it was all ok bc “this girl is the right kinda thicc/curvy” tbh, I had to stop lookin at that stuff. i internalized it, it started affecting my sex life/relationships/triggered ptsd/promoted unhealthy thinking.

lil advice to fat readers below pls excuse the rant eeep.

tw: sex talk/porn talk

If I could give fat viewers advice (esp those who are new to dating, struggle w self love/fear of dating/sexual confidence) it'd be- stay particularly mindful what smut/p*rn/content u view. When I was a SW/SB so therefore NEEDED to have an incredibly strong sense of self worth/autonomy- I made it a point to join fat positivity and educated myself on “fat politics.” Surround myself irl/online w supportive, intelligent, talented fat artists who many times are also disabled POC lgbtq folks so we connect on multiple lvls.

I made sure not to consume nsfw stuff that fetishized my body. In general-nothing that'd demean/degrade/dehumanize ppl like me, or marginalized ppl in general. Some things im gonna see, it’s unavoidable, like fat jokes that crop up in a show im into that usually never makes comments like that. seeing my body excluded when it comes to the kinda fat models plus size stores use. The pain in seeing no one like u in mainstream media or even in the fandom. But as u continue to avoid consuming any content (nsfw AND sfw) that partakes in fat shaming/stereotypes/stigmas/body hate- u begin to notice the impact it has on u. u have an increase in yr confidence bc u got away from that other shit. u know how to spot warning signs. ESPECIALLY IN THE BEDROOM. U know how to/aren’t afraid to ask for what u want, u aren’t as easily pushed around or made into a dirty little secret w basic dudes who’re too chicken abt their pals knowin they like a fat girl. not sayin it’ll be all perfect, but u know how to take less shit from bad partners. and good sex, that u know u were bomb at, gives u a glow and radiates into other parts of yr life. u can use it to reduce stress, alleviate pain, get a boost in confidence/mood, use it to connect w someone on a deeper lvl, good sex can change all kindsa shit for u lol. not to say it’s necessary bc ik for some folks it just aint for em. but still removing that kinda content i mentioned can help regardless if yr sexually active.

if u still wanna watch porn, switch over to indie stuff (not the same as what they call amateur and not on well known porn sites) if u wanna see more relatable bodies and sex acts u could more possibly recreate. Indie scene is filled w awesome actors, the work is more artistic/aesthetics, way more realistic than shitty p*rnhub/xtube/tumblr. Still not totally close to real life. but it has its moments. what most p*rn never shows- like seeing em not cut out when a fat trans actor had to stop to readjust and get more comfortable, that kinda realness helps inform those who’re fat but haven’t been intimate that it's totally normal if they cant do all the insane stunts that go on in smut/p*rn.

srry to rant ig the point I’m making is, even if u have no experience but yr aware the fat nsfw content u view isn’t something u can relate to- still tread lightly in those waters. Our subconscious is more powerful than we know, we become inundated to unhealthy thinking patterns or beliefs. something even like the fact that it just plain isn’t sexually satisfying for most all fat bodies to approach sex the same way as shown time and time again. or when we do have sexual encounters we come away w shame or trauma bc our bodies didnt react how we were trained to believe they would/should.

anyway ik i talk a whole damn bunch, but If u ever have a question abt the logistics feel free to hmu too. i dont mind discussing it from my experience.

#Anonymous

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dcmhnallach · 5 years

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demiboy — ever hear people say APOLLO AMORETTO looks a lot like NICK ROBINSON? I think THEY/HE is about 22, so it doesn’t really work. The GRAPHIC DESIGN major is a JUNIOR that is from LIVINGSTONE, VT. They can be ADROIT, but they can also be INDELICATE. I think APOLLO might be A TIER 2 SHEPHERD. They are living in KIERAN. ( snot goblin. 20. EST. she/they. )

ok so i lied and this is after midnight. sue me. his background is a lil inspired by logan from veronica mars so like, sue me 2x. dnjkfmgh but !! give this a LIKE so i can come MESSAGE U FOR PLOTS !!!

TRIGGER WARNING - DEATH, MURDER, MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, GRIEF

a e s t h e t i c s

fingers across keyboards and piano keys, m&m’s scattered, vintage gaming consoles and tangled wires, worn vans and broken skateboards, banging of drums and splintering drumsticks, deep rhythms beating with your heart, the hum of a hefty computer and the buzz of a monitor, green text against black screens, unruly hair unkempt, flannels filling closets, bloody baseball bats, posters lining up and down walls, loud punk music shaking the walls, glares and whispers, the suffocation that comes with loneliness, pills rattling in their bottles, unmade beds.

general info !!

full name: apollo casimir amoretto

nickname(s): cas, polly, lover boy, 2000 (b/c of his screen names lmaoo)

b.o.d. - january 31st, aquarius boi

label(s): the escapist, the hellion, the insurgent, the netizen, etc. etc.

height: hitting 6′0″

hometown: livingstone, vt !

sexuality: bi bi bi bi bisexual

stats

biography !!

cristian amoretto and camilla silvestri had a romance that could be described turbulent at best, and downright explosive at worst

cristian, a native italian actor whose career began before he could walk, and camilla, the daughter of two italian immigrants with big dreams in a small town, met on the set of a coffee shop. their love story began quickly, dating within only a few months of knowing each other and engaged before the year was up

camilla walked down the aisle 6 months pregnant with lil’ baby apollo, who was then born in livingstone, vermont, aka the town that camilla’s family had settled in

was raised primarily by his mother and grandparents! his father was often off shooting movies, leaving camilla to take on the role of stay-at-home mom despite her own dreams of making it big as an actress

apollo grew up as a huge momma’s boy – i mean, god, he just really loved this mother, y’know? his relationship with his father was much rockier because of his … lack of being around.

when his grandparents died around the age of eight, that’s when things got…worse. it felt as if camilla’s parents were the only barrier between camilla and cristian’s budding wrath.

it became more apparent that cristian was not meant for the family life, his anger quick and his fists quicker, stinging words and venomous glares. a control freak who couldn’t handle camilla being independent.

this wasn’t apparent to the neighbors, or much of the town in general, because the amorettos were such a prominent family up in their beach-side mini mansion – it was hard to imagine that their life was anything but exquisite and dreamlike.

this was, of course, up until camilla filed for divorce and a restraining order in the same day, face bruised and nearly unrecognizable. she, obviously, got custody of apollo.

at this point in time, apollo was fourteen and…pretty stoked for them to get away from his father. they holed up southside and life continued as normal. for the time being. gossip swarmed apollo at school surrounding the circumstance which was annoying, to say the least. it led to him becoming withdrawn from the other students, not getting the whole … gossip appeal.

in hindsight, they should’ve moved out of livingstone. death threats in the form of letters and the eerie feeling of eyes constantly being on them came to a halt on apollo’s graduation day: the day that his father also, coincidentally, murdered his mother.

for making me miss out on years of my son’s life, was cristian’s excuse as he was escorted from the bloody crime scene at their apartment and into the police car.

cristian was convicted and sent to prison almost a whole year after it occurred. apollo still has dreams about testifying in court against his father as a witness.

and then apollo became known not as the son of two celebrities, but the son of a murderer. total bummer !

could not tell you why he stayed in livingstone, but he did. almost dropped out of college a good few times ( he isn’t passionate about graphic design, it’s more of him wasting time than anything else ) and spends most of his time raiding on WoW or competitively playing overwatch :/

speaking of college ! apollo was kieran’s roommate and like ... a close friend of his. the death hit him pretty hard b/c of his past.

lives in kieran but lately has been switching between his dorm and his childhood home - it’s technically his dad’s but he hasn’t been to his mom’s apartment in years. the mansion has become run-down and pretty grody, a sore sight that pisses off the neighbors.

he does identify as demiboy but he cares abt his identity like ... so little ...

personality !!

his main focuses are computers / video games, drums / his band, and like … skating … vaping … gamer things, y’know.

from a young age he’d always been very fascinated by video games, and being the Rich Boi ™ that he was, ended up with a whole lot of them to play, on a whole bunch of consoles.

but like … he’s a PC guy :/ he may have a super rare nintendo 64 or two but nothing can beat his dual-monitor set up with his hand-built computer !

he also got real into hacking, y’know, just small things like watching security cameras in different cities and occasionally changing his grades b/c like … who wouldn’t ? also … cheated in dark souls. fucking loser.

his favorite games to play are multiplayer games so !!

he joined a band in high school because he was angsty and young, and like, turned out to be really good on drums ?? they had like … some real big jimmy eat world / green day / say anything / old school fall out boy vibes. just a whole bunch of ‘fuck the government, fuck the authority, anarchy, rebellion, revolt revolt revolt’ angry rock music that got a buuunch of noise complaints during practice.

his role in the band is essentially the ~nerdy~ one, because he’s a gamer, but like he was also Edgy and Angry and wore all black like Constantly ( he still does who are we kidding )

probably paints his nails black and has a nose ring b/c gamers can be edgy too !!

huuuuuge junk food junkie. like … he will consume Everything and Anything unhealthy. has a huge sweet tooth, he can’t remember the last time he’s drank straight up water.

he’s pretty much a loner, minus his bandmates -- having a reputation like his really ... puts off others. wasn’t the friendliest person in high school either, which doesn’t help. kieran and him were kindred souls.

to be honest, he’s really selfish. thinks about himself first and foremost, considers it to be a method of surviving in a fuck-shit town with fuck-shit people. wouldn’t hesitate to toss people to the side if it were to ever come down to it. he’s not a faithful pal.

he’s ruthless, impulsive, does whatever he pleases because he assumes that everybody’s already got their opinion of him due to his father. hard to stop him when he’s on a rampage.

seething with rage on the inside. :/

uuhhh so he’s got this fucking…pomsky, right? her name is tulip. she was camilla’s before she passed away and like, what was apollo gonna do, huh ? put the dog in a shelter ? hell fucking nah. that’s his dog now. give that dog an emotional support animal certification and boom.

this isn’t like a Personality Trait but idk where to put it so ! apollo’s on antidepressants ( and other medications, but y’know. that’s just how it is ) b/c like … y’know … the whole dad-murdering-mom thing sort of fucked him up a lot ! they make him feel pretty blah and diminished his sex drive so like … hook ups aren’t really an option for him 99% of the time.

besides that he smokes a lot of weed b/c self medication.

he’s … sort of an asshole. like … he can be rude and he doesn’t have much of a filter and i don’t know if there’s any softness left to him ! he just really misses his mom and has a lot of wishes involving changing the past and he reacts badly to things because he’s so defensive and on edge constantly.

no but he’s just like. .. sad gamer boi … a man and his dog … who also carries like five knives on him.

like he’s not socially awkward or necessarily Bad with people .. he’s just bad with people :/ doesn’t try hard enough ! is a little too apathetic ! chaotic to true neutral

wanted connections !!

bandmates !! i’d envision that there’s four or five members including him. two electric guitar, one bass, one drums / keyboard ( that me -_- ) , anybody singing ... maybe a triangle player ! or a cowbell ! i dunno ! endless possibilities.

fans of the band mayb ?? try to seduce him so they can party w/ them after a show n apollo’s just like :/ nah ( or yah ! )

people he clashes with hardcore !! people who are one n the same.

uuhh ... big slut for enemies ! ppl he refuses to get along with or they’ve been on bad terms previously for whatever reason. :-)

alternately, people he’s trying really hard to get along with but it’s not working b/c he’s a shithead.

maybe an actual good, close friend or two !! y’know. so he’s not completely alone.

people he’s fucked over previously by ditching them / being unreliable / messy / etc.

besides close friends, someone who’s soft towards him or vice versa. because as much as i love angst, i love the uwu too.

ex-flings, ex-fwbs, ex-hookups, etc. etc. ex-gfs/bfs. especially from high school.

people he’s known all his life ! childhood friends, childhood enemies, old rivals, etc.

people who like ... stayed away from him / distanced themselves after his dad’s arrest. :/

okay but like ... imagine, okay , some sort of high school romance where he used to sneak into their room / sneak them out, n then they’d like. go wild out. y’know like, parents Hate him.

ppl who end up on one of his benders / night time adventures / whatever chaotic shit w/ him.

a hook-up gone bad could b fun !

gaming pals. gaming enemies.

skater buds ! vaping buds ! stoner buds ! apollo owns like three juuls.

someone he’s good friends with ( maybe ?? potentially developing Feelings at the same time ) but apollo fucks up their friendship / possible Something because that’s just what he Does.

somebody who thought tht like ... his childhood home was just Abandoned and Empty so they started breaking in to like. get high or fuck or whatever and apollo just walks in one day like ... what are u doing.

someone who caught him dealing juul pods to middle schoolers and was like ... what are u doing. idiot.

idiot reckless buddy pals !! wreck shit together !! burn couches !! chaos !

literally i’ll take anything sdjnfkmgh

#livingintro #this is an hr late oops !#death tw #murder tw #domestic violence tw #grief tw #mental illness tw

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arnorcttos · 5 years

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( ludovico tersigni + 22 + muse 59 ) isn’t that apollo amoretto over there? i heard HE joined faction: nomads after they got back to west ham. it’s funny, ‘cause they were only on the service trip to terrorize his peers. hopefully they fit in there – they’re ADROIT, but also INDELICATE. oh, i’m sure they’ll be fine. ( james, she/they, 20, EST )

okay hi i’m james and this is my baby apollo, who is actually a brand new spankin’ muse of mine so !! we’ll see how this goes b/c i’ve literally never rp’d him before !! and i’ll b frank. his background is inspired by logan in veronica mars. sue me. actually don’t i’m already in college debt but sudfjkfg PLEATHE plot w/ him. leave a like. two likes. that’s not even possible. i may change his fc in the future b/c like ... i’m currently making his gif icons as i go and to b frank ,,, it’s rly hard sdjfkgh but i love him. so we’ll see. sdjnfkmgh

TRIGGER WARNING - DEATH, MURDER, MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

a e s t h e t i c s

general info !!

full name: apollo casimir amoretto

nickname(s): caz, polly, lover boy, 2000 (b/c of his screen names lmaoo)

b.o.d. - january 31st, aquarius boi

label(s): the escapist, the hellion, the insurgent, the netizen, etc. etc.

height: hitting 6′0″

hometown: west ham, kansas !

sexuality: bi...? fucking. it’s pride month ofc he’s bi.

his stats are TBD but his pinterest is HERE !

biography !!

cristian amoretto and camilla silvestri had a romance that could be described turbulent at best, and down right explosive at worst

camilla walked down the aisle 6 months pregnant with lil’ baby apollo, who was then born in west ham, kansas, aka the town that camilla’s family had settled in

apollo grew up as a huge momma’s boy -- i mean, god, he just really loved this mother, y’know? his relationship with his father was much rockier because of his ... lack of being around.

when his grandparents died around the age of eight, that’s when things got...worse. it felt as if camilla’s parents were the only barrier between camilla and cristian’s budding wrath.

this wasn’t apparent to the neighbors, or much of the town in general, because the amorettos were such a prominent family up in their mini-mansion in oak ridge -- it was hard to imagine that their life was anything but exquisite and dreamlike.

this was, of course, up until camilla filed for divorce and a restraining order in the same day, face bruised and nearly unrecognizable. she, obviously, got custody of apollo.

at this point in time, apollo was fourteen and...pretty stoked for them to get away from his father. they holed up in southside and life continued as normal. for the time being. gossip swarmed apollo at school surrounding the circumstance which was annoying, to say the least. it led to him becoming withdrawn from the other students, not getting the whole ... gossip appeal.

in hindsight, they should’ve moved out of west ham. death threats in the form of letters and the eerie feeling of eyes constantly being on them came to a halt on apollo’s graduation day: the day that his father also, coincidentally, murdered his mother.

for making me miss out on years of my son’s life, was cristian’s excuse as he was escorted from the bloody crime scene at their apartment and into the police car.

obviously, cristian was convicted and sentenced to prison. apollo still has dreams about testifying in court against his father.

and then apollo became known not as the son of two celebrities, but the son of a murderer. total bummer !

became even more withdrawn and almost dropped out of college a few good times! the only thing that kept him rooted to west ham was his band.

and now he can’t leave, and he’s surrounded by people who all look at him weird and he feels like they’re all expecting him to be like his father, and he’s not, but god -- when people expect you to be one way, it’s so hard to act otherwise. it’s just not a good time !

pretty much why he went on the service trip tbh ... like, y’know ... if ppl want to believe that he’s just as bad as his dad then damn ! he was gonna wreck sm havoc on the trip, just being an absolute nuisance.

personality !!

his main focuses are computers / video games, drums / his band, and like ... skating ... vaping ... gamer things, y’know.

from a young age he’d always been very fascinated by video games, and being the Rich Boi (tm) that he was, ended up with a whole lot of them to play, on a whole bunch of consoles.

but like ... he’s a PC guy :/ he may have a super rare nintendo 64 console or two but nothing can beat his dual-monitor set up with his hand-build computer !

he also got real into hacking, y’know, just small things like watching security cameras in different cities and occasionally changing his grades b/c like ... who wouldn’t ? also ... cheated in dark souls. fucking loser.

his favorite games to play were always multiplayer games online like WoW and overwatch so !! he’s pretty fucking mad he can’t play them anymore. like. so mad. genuinely furious. he’s been trying to hack his way into like ... wifi or something dumb, ever since they got stranded in new west ham, but he’s had no luck !

he joined a band in high school because he was angsty and young, and like, turned out to be really good on drums ?? they had like ... some real big jimmy eat world / green day / say anything / old school fall out boy vibes. just a whole bunch of ‘fuck the government, fuck the authority, anarchy, rebellion, revolt revolt revolt’ angry rock music that got a buuunch of noise complaints during practice.

his role in the band was essentially the ~nerdy~ one, because he was a gamer, but like he was also Edgy and Angry and wore all black like Constantly (he still does who are we kidding)

probably paints his nails black and has a nose ring b/c gamers can be edgy too !!

huuuuuge junk food junkie. like ... he will consume Everything and Anything unhealthy. has a huge sweet tooth, he can’t remember the last time he’s drank straight up water.

but like ... he’s a loner pretty much. only friends he really bothered keeping were his bandmates and like ! half of them went missing along with the rest of the town so ! he’s feeling a lil’ lost

but not lost enough to do Nothing, y’know ?? coming back to west ham to an empty town awoke his little baby survivalist in him, probably due to a lot of survival games he played online, and he immediately took over his old home in oak ridge ! it was pretty much rotting there with his dad in jail, but not anymore !!

has also probably broken into a few homes already tbh b/c he’s just. ruthless. impulsive. if it feels like the end of the world then he’s yolo’ing, he’s peace-ing out, u cannot stop him.

uuhhh so he’s got this fucking...pomsky, right? her name is tulip. she was camilla’s before she passed away and like, what is apollo gonna do, huh ? put the dog in a shelter ? hell fucking nah. that’s his dog now.

unfortunately tulip isn’t the most .... tough looking dog. apollo set up a bunch of fucking speakers around the property of his dad’s house and plays large barking noises whenever somebody gets too close, just to ward off intruders, but like ... there’s no fucking big dogs man. it’s just apollo and tulip.

this isn’t like a Personality Trait but idk where to put it so ! apollo’s on antidepressants b/c like ... y’know ... the whole dad-murdering-mom thing sort of fucked him up a lot ! they make him feel pretty blah and diminished his sex drive so like ... hook ups aren’t really an option for him atm !

besides that he smokes a lot of weed b/c self medication

he’s ... sort of an asshole. like ... he can be rude and he doesn’t have much of a filter and i don’t know if there’s any softness left to him ! he just really misses his mom and his bandmates and has a lot of wishes involving changing the past and he reacts badly to things because he’s so defensive and on edge constantly.

he misses twitter the most, tho.

no but he’s just like. .. sad gamer boi ... a man and his dog ... who also carries like five knives on him and definitely knows where his dad kept his gun.

like he’s not socially awkward or necessarily Bad with people .. he’s just bad with people :/ doesn’t try hard enough ! is a little too apathetic ! chaotic to true neutral

wanted connections !!

i envision his band to have like ... four or five members including him. two guitar electric guitar, one bass, one drums / keyboard, any of them singing idk that’s not important. and since two of them have Disappeared, i’d like the One (or two) that Remains ! anarchy boys !

generally .. anybody else who is tryn to survive, that maybe he can bond with or completely clash with ??

i’d love enemies, just ppl he Refuses to get along with or they are just on bad terms for whatever reason

people he’s trying to not ! not get along with ! but it just doesn’t work out b/c like ... lbr, apollo’s pretty bad with other people.

just any falling outs.

uuhh ... maybe a few somewhat-friendships ! like... awkward acquaintances

ppl he knew primarily from high school / haven’t spoken to since

maybe one or two ppl who’s soft towards him or he’s soft towards or vice versa b/c like ! i’ll b real .. it’s pretty nice to have !

ex-flings, ex-somethings, ex-gfs, bfs, anything from the past.

hookup gone bad b/c he couldn’t get it up b/c antidepressants be like that (this is based off of a true story can we get a sad yeehaw in here)

gaming pals from before no wifi.

skater buds. vaping buds. b/c i can confirm that apollo owns like three juuls. stoner buds.

someone he’s like ... hesitantly forming an alliance with b/c sometimes it’s easier when you have someone on ur team ! b/c then drama when one of them betrays the other uwu

somebody trying 2 break into his house b/c u Know it’s got some good shit in there but he’s just like ‘alexa play dogs barking audio’ and then ur muse is like ... there’s no fucking dogs

juul pod dealer. that’s all.

i’m down for anything rly !! pleathe hmu !!

#apogeeintro #god i'm sorry this took so long #death tw #mental illness tw #it's implied but yknow #murder tw #domestic violence tw

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roxannc · 5 years

Photo

❝ Girls like her were born in a storm. They have lightning in their souls. Thunder in their hearts. And chaos in their bones. ❞ AISHA DEE? No, that’s actually ROXANNE WEASLEY. A SIXTH YEAR student, this RAVENCLAW student is sided with MCGONAGALL’S ARMY. SHE identifies as CIS-WOMAN and is a HALFBLOOD who is known to be DRAMATIC, HAUGHTY, and TEMPERAMENTAL but also PASSIONATE, SOCIABLE, and OPENMINDED.

LINKS: stats, pinboard, character tag. CHARACTER PARALLELS: donna pinciotti (that 70s show), amy pond (doctor who), amy santiago (brooklyn 99), dan wilds (aftg) HELLO just a quick note from me mar, some of this is for sure up for change, mostly regarding the wotters and family in general!! besides that, here we finally Go

history

roxanne voice: i was born in an iconic family because it was my destiny to be iconic! but --- in all honesty --- she is right. roxanne is born to george & angelina one hot summer morning, waking up the whole damn hospital with her crying and huge lungs. she has a brother --- fred, who’s officially her half brother, but that’s not something that makes him anything less than her brother. and then there’s heaps of cousins, almost too many of them, and uncles and aunts and other people to call family, and from day one, it’s all good.

roxanne was a chaotic kid, growing up. a cheerful and energetic and exciting one, but a chaotic one. dirty walls and destruction followed her wherever she went. a bit of a hurricane of a girl, even then. roxanne discovered her love for quidditch at a young age, too, and how couldn’t she? it was in her blood and all around her and there was something bloody magical about flying.

a love for people and laughter and loving people was also discovered. roxanne grew up in a warm environment and had plenty of reasons to love the people she loved, even if she needed none. there was, of course, tragedy in her blood too, an awareness that there’s horrible things in this world --- an awareness that she buried as soon as she was able to.

upon arrival at hogwarts, the hat took a while to decide between gryffindor and ravenclaw but went with the latter, in the end. was roxanne disappointed? a bit, maybe. she would have liked to be sorted into the same house as her parents and brother and a lot of her family but the hat had made some solid points and heck, she wouldnt be roxanne if she looked at ravenclaw as a challenge.

was eventually sorted in ravenclaw because her mind, in the end, is her motivator. she might be a very physically active and present person, but she thinks. a lot. about everything. ( with an exception for moments where she acts on impulse. ) roxanne is a very bright individual, to be honest --- she’s able to be booksmart and she likes learning. she likes challenging herself. above all, she just has a Very open mind and is always looking to broaden it.

is a whirlwind. roxanne joined and dropped clubs like no other, switched favourite subject every month, delved into odd sections of the library to become an expert on rare subjects ... it was a lot. her grades suffered under it, too --- roxanne might be a loyal person, but she’s damn flighty. there were, of course, passions that she stuck with. quidditch, of course, but also justice. roxanne, as a queer woman of colour, has always felt very passionately for human rights issues and knows shit about it too. always down for a debate over lunch. getting on the quidditch team was one of the best days of her damn life. getting the quidditch badge later on was an even better day. roxanne loves the sport so much, wants to go pro once she’s graduated, is crazy competitive. she’s a gay jock. another cliché character by mar learned eventually how to focus and keep her grades up, but she does have trouble motivating herself for things that dont interest her. she’s just not an academic. she likes learning, loves it actually --- but hates the way she has to do it at school. hates it. she’s still working hard to get good grades, of course, because she gets that that’s part of life but she just really... wishes it wasnt. [ death, murder tw so life was going pretty good and then her uncle was murdered and everything went to shit like that. and--- here’s roxanne’s question: how in the living hell do you deal with that? she doesn’t know, that’s for sure. she knows that she’s angry. that she’s absolutely livid and not sure what to do with the grief in her chest because damn it, that’s not her thing, not at all. she’s sickened with worry. she mostly is enraged at the world and that this is happening and that people can be like this. end of tw ]

so joining the DA was something roxanne didn’t even think about. she just did it. her studies, once again, have taken a backseat while she pushes all her energy into the DA and the team, as that functions as something ... as close as therapeutic as she can get, i suppose. leading her team, searching that snitch, hoping to win, win, win --- all things that in the grand scheme of things dont matter but do make it easier to deal.

roxanne ... she’s a lot. she’s a fucking lot. she’s a mess.

personality & rambling

roxanne does NOTHING half heartedly; she either commits fully or doesn’t do something at all. she doesn’t do half-assing, doesn’t believe in it — this got her in a fair amount of trouble at hogwarts (handing in 10/10 homework or ,,, not doing it or barely doing it) and she knows it’s a bad attitude to have, deep down. not that she’s admitted that to herself yet, though. things have been put in perspective now, though. it’s clear that there’s no room for just doing what she wants to do and what she feels like, so she’s ... improving ( and yet completely abandoning her studies lmao )

when roxanne is passionate about something, she goes on about it for a long time. loves ranting about topics that drive her, is very vocal of her views and thoughts and hardly shuts up about it. can be condescending, at times; roxanne believes she’s always right, has little humility to her — she often doesn’t try to put herself in other people’s shoes, thinks that anyone who disagrees is simply wrong. it’s a thinking pattern she’s trying to shake, but alas; it’s easier said than done.

this is also a way for her to cope with her insecurities, tbh; she puts others down in her head so she can lift herself up. unhealthy!!! yikes! it’s something she’s pretty unaware of.

i mean, roxanne is, deep down, very fucking insecure. she has this surname that’s got a bit of fame to it and she has such high ideals for everyone around her including herself. especially for herself. her confidence is not completely feigned, i think part of it is definitely real, but part of it is definitely a mask

roxanne LOVES music. she’s into everything that either is a jam, old classic rock or has a damn good message. she’s v passionate abt it. her spotify? gold. she’s also a good singer! this video is literally roxanne im sorry aisha dee move over! honestly if she had mroe time she would try and get into music bc she would love that but yeno quidditch is the name of the game (someone show her hsm and show her that u can do both)

she’s so competitive someone please stop her from fighting everyone over quidditch

uh she’s just very... much. she’s outgoing and loud and dramatic and her emotions are like! all over the place! and change very easily! she thinks she’s a lot herself too tbh she’s constantly exhausted from herself which i think is valid and relatable on a personal lvl for me.

possible plots

friendos roxanne loves ppl and loving ppl so let’s go and have some FRIENDS up in this building. couldve met through family things, in the library, on the pitch, in dueling club, in any other club that roxanne was in for a short amount of time, etc etc etc. roxanne is fairly easy to place at hogwarts bc she’s everywhere

quidditch competition just give me all the plots if you have a fellow quidditch pal because roxanne is ready to fight to the death for that cup!!

dumbledore’s army bros people that roxanne got to know better through the da would be v interesting because it’s a ??? weird base for a friendship or dynamic ( i mean, a tough one. like ... we’re buds because we’re fighting for a cause whihc we shouldnt even be fighting for bc the world shouldnt be like this )

idk roxanne is literally so all over the place, if your character is at hogwarts im sure we can plot something??? enemies, shenanigan pals, exes, study buddies, etc etc etc

#iidyintro #issa report!!!#repost #i didnt go to school for typing

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christinedaaeunofficial · 5 years

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Hey maybe,,, don’t put ppl with mental illnesses (ed blogs) in the same category as ppl who are just assholes for the hell of it (fatphobes, chubby chasers, etc)... like... rly not a good look

i literally have had anorexia and bulimia and STILL have swaths of mental health issues like bpd and ptsd and depression and anxiety so how about you stop assuming you know me and my intentions? i dont want my photo on ed blogs because it triggers my OWN ed's and A LOT of them use my photos for thinspo or fitspo (which is just heavily internalized fatphobia and is a horrible method to indoctrinate yourself into hating fat bodies) so how about you actually shut the fuck up.

i have been called disgusting and ugly and unhealthy and so many other things just because im fat. just because i look physically different from others. when i was in the midst of the worst of my anorexia i only got told to "keep dieting" despite having lost 30 pounds in 2 months at one point.

dont fucking act like you know me.

excuse me for not wanting my photo on blogs that are known to have toxic ideologies towards fat people like myself! excuse me for not wanting my visage to become thinspo/fitspo which is what i used to further my eating disorders and self harm bc i could never have my collarbones or ribs stick out!

literally shut up. i put up boundaries for my own mental health. and yeah, i know this response is rude and aggressive but youre not owed a nice response from me when you assumed i was neurotypical and have my mental illnesses clearly laid out in my about me.

anyways, thinspo/fitspo/ed blogs are still not allowed to interact with my photos 👌

#ask spooky #ed tw #self harm tw #fatphobia tw

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rev3rb · 2 years

Note

Omg I didn’t even know there was drama 😳 Probably bc I’m not in the Twitter fandom since you said that’s where it mainly was. Gotta admit that, had I known, I probs would’ve read the leaks lol. I’m totally not afraid of spoilers, but I may have tried to at least not cast judgements based on them.

I also see why they were/are upset. I still hold that Yu’s decision is pretty unhealthy, but that boy has ~been~ making questionable decisions regarding himself and others. It’s definitely not ooc, especially since his conflict between avenging his former family and helping his current family has been a recurring element. If one of those things had to give, it’s perhaps less satisfying/interesting but honestly far more productive to side with someone who can help him achieve his goals.

And as far as the kind of blind faith he offered, it may lead to him getting blindsided later, but he also doesn’t gain anything by refusing the info from the only person capable/willing to give it. Sometimes we as fans gotta just accept that he is in a pretty difficult post-apocalyptic situation and that he has his flaws. Even MCs can’t be the best ppl all the time when it comes to hard choices.

The good thing is that he does have other more discerning friends in his group to balance these things out. I also laughed at the rest of said group just casually spectating the fight, as the reader, I really related to them in that moment. Good to see that the majority of them are more cool headed than Yuichiro lmao

I need to rectify that as I've been informed that apparently, it was most of the other communities too lol. Reddit and Facebook apparently didn't like it much either. I don't personally keep up with those communities, so I wouldn't know. I barely keep up with Twitter and Tumblr. It'd actually be fair to say I don't. It's not that I'm afraid of leaks really, but I just enjoy reading the chapter when it properly releases. I used to read leaks, but I stopped about a year ago. Maybe it's bc I feel less pressed to throw out my gut reactions to stuff or something. Idk, but I digress.

On the note of productivity, it works better for the narrative in a meta sense too. Vampire Reign is meant to be Yuu's story and as such, he has to be the character the story is told primarily through (ofc he doesn't have to be the only one). Because of that, Yuu has to find out all the answers to the mysteries the story has. There are lots of ways this can be done, but with how OnS is set up, there's no great way to do it other than through other characters. Guren is arguably the best way for Yuu to get these answers. True, Yuu could just force the answers out of Guren and then abandon him and that'd still sort of work for the way the narrative needs to go, but that won't happen for a few reasons. As mentioned before, it goes against Yuu's character, but there's also the fact that Guren is very important to the narrative. He's one of the key driving factors at this point. On top of that, at the present time, Yuu and Guren want the same thing. When you consider all that, having Yuu and Guren be separate could (and I think would) needlessly complicate the narrative. You'd either have to split off to show Guren's side of things every now and then or have him keep reappearing to help drive the plot forward. Doable, but again, sort of needlessly complicated since that's already happening with other characters. Now, that being said, I won't lie and say that it doesn't feel like this is a bit of the easy way out. It almost feels like Kagami wrote himself into a bit of a corner. Like he only realized later how mad Yuu should be at Guren but then realized that that would create a whole slew of problems/complications and decided to just avoid those problems through quick forgiveness. However, since, again, it's consistent with Yuu's character, I don't think it feels forced if that makes sense, and like I said in my last post, I'm personally okay with it because of that.

I'd say Yuu's been blindsided by his blind faith a few times now, but you're right. Really, I think that unless Guren decides to hurt Yuu again with no prior warning, Yuu won't be punished for his blind faith anymore. Guren really does seem to have finally reached that breaking point, so I imagine he's going to be relatively straight forward from now on. Maybe he'll hurt Yuu again because the plan calls for it, but I think Guren would now give proper warning. Who knows though? It's hard to say.

On the note of the rest of Yuu squad, I do hope to see more out of them continuing forward. Besides Shinoa, they're kinda just there at the moment. We've been focusing on Mika and Yuu so it makes sense, but the rest of the squad really doesn't have much going on. ESPECIALLY Mitsuba. Poor girl. But at least she's still there unlike Narumi rest his poor soul wherever he is :( As you said, they're more cool headed than Yuu, so it'd be nice to see them offering up their own opinion on things going forward, especially since Yuu is so unreasonably agreeable at times lmao

#Owari no Seraph #OnS 112 #OnS 112 spoilers #Asks #Anonysis Asks #My posts #Yuichiro Hyakuya #Guren Ichinose

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mwya · 6 years

Note

no its fine!!! ur advice is rly helpful and it makes me feel a lot better actually. and tbh shes kinda just been distant??? and i feel like its my fault bc sometimes ill just go away for a few weeks bc of my health and whenever i come back its so much more awkward than the last time. and for the joke thing,,, its like she has a mix of a dark and dry sense of humor and i do too but that, p l u s the awkwardness is just so uncomfortable and it makes me feel like i did smth wrong yk???

hmm well i know you feel about that. ive had friends in the past that i couldnt really reconnect with well after not talking for a while, ive had best friends come and go esp online peeps. i still talk to ppl who were my best friends in the past and i have plenty of those ppl still in my life and still consider friends, but in reality, i’ll probably never be as close with as i used to be. some people need constant connection in order to maintain a cohesive friendship… some people grow and change explosively within months and that can affect who they want to hang out with and talk to, and who they connect with. but imo, the best kind of people to have around in your life are people who understand when you need to take breaks. people who will talk to you like you talked to them yesterday even if you havent spoken to them in a few weeks. i hate that i have no other way to phrase this, but, it kind of sounds like maybe you guys outgrew one another. maybe she doesn’t like that u don’t talk to her for extended periods but, its hard to know what shes really thinking if you dont ask. in my experience its better to talk about something and find out whats really going on even if it hurts, because then you’ll have closure. im the kind of person who never talks about how im feeling unless im forced to, and admittedly sometimes i expect other people to know how im feeling even though i hide it. the humor thing is tricky, ive known ppl like that n im pretty sensitive about certain things so obv it hurts when ppl point em out. but lots of people are horrible at reading body language, and just horrible at reading people in general. they dont know when to stop or what not to talk about, they’ll point out your flaws and make fun of you and wont even know how much they’re hurting you. (one of my friends while back used to compare me to tina from bobs burgers and how much i looked like her and acted like her sometimes and i gotta be honest- that did wonders for my insecurity) as much as it sucks, some people are just oblivious and it might actually take a straightforward conversation for them to realize their actions.

theres a lot of stigma around friends and best friends especially that you need to talk every day or hang out constantly. lots of ppl wont consider u their best friend unless you give them that attention and well, frankly, its kind of unhealthy. if you need a week for yourself and not to worry about her antics then your health comes first, and if she’s a good friend she will understand and wont hold it against you by purposefully being distant, spiteful, etc. but whats most important is that you don’t feel like you did anything wrong. a friendship should not be stressful. you should be able to rely on her and vice versa. if you’re worried about how shes going to react after you havent spoken to her in a while, or if shes consistently hurting your feelings with her jokes then that friendship is doing more harm than good. and like i said, theres a complete possibility that its a misunderstanding, because she might be thinking that you dont want to talk to her, so shes distancing herself.

#asks #long post

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music-my-angel · 6 years

Text

An extra pair of hands for help

Prompt - Hey, it’s my B’day on 2 may and I wanted to know if u could do a the vamps one shot (ft. Alex from atl) were Connor is getting supper anxious at an event & his bandmates go of w/ other ppl wen they said they’d be there for him n he bumps into Alex who helps him w a panic attack n calms him and lots of fluff. Tnx xxx

Prompt - hiii my B’day is May 15 n I wanna know if u could right a The vamps one shot were they’re out partying n con gets anxious a lot and they all think he’s super happy but he has a panic attack and his sleeves slip and the boys find out he self-harms?? Ty xxx

------

It’s not that the boys were unaware of Connor’s panic attacks, they were very well aware of it but it’s just that the lad seemed really happy lately so a panic attack out of the blue didn’t really cross their minds. But it was just that Connor learnt how to hide his panic attack or he rather learnt to deal with it in a very unhealthy way. But the poor lad just wanted to get some control over his panic attacks and unfortunately as his bandmates didn’t seem to notice the boy turned to self-harm.

------

When the boys learnt about Connor’s panic attacks, they promised Connor to be by his side always. And they did so until they got stuck in a very hectic schedule. With back to back gigs, meet and greets and recordings, they rarely had time to notice anything.

But Connor didn’t have any complaints with the boys. He understood them which is why he found his own of dealing with the panic attacks. The pain of a cut was enough to break his train of thoughts and watching the blood flow made him aware of his surroundings.

It wasn’t a healthy way to deal with his panic attacks but it was the only thing that helped Connor while his own bandmates didn’t even notice that something was wrong with their youngest bandmate.

------

It would have kept on going if they hadn’t bumped with the All Time Low. They had a gig with the boys and while Connor’s bandmates were getting wrapping up to return now, sensing a panic attack, Connor slowly slipped out of the room to go backstage.

It was like a routine for Connor. He found a quiet corner, rolled up his sleeves and pressed a blade to his forearm. But this time there was a soft gasp around him and when Connor looked up, he found Alex staring at him.

“What are you doing? Why?” Alex asked.

“Need to calm down…” Connor mumbled over and over again.

“Think you’re having a panic attack buddy. Wait, I’ll call your bandmates.” Alex said.

“No. Don’t. I’ll be okay… Just need to calm down” Connor kept mumbling.

Alex sat by his side, slowly rubbing his back as he pressed a handkerchief to Connor’s bleeding forearm.

Alex was kind of intrigued as to why the boy’s bandmates were not with the boy but he had to wait for Connor to calm down in order to know the answers to his questions.

------

Alex was beyond furious when he learnt from Connor that the boy’s bandmates haven’t quite had the time to be by his side and help him out through his panic attacks.

“It’s not their fault” Connor chipped in when he saw Alex’s angry face.

“It is! You shouldn’t have been pushed to self-harm if they had been helping you out” Alex said.

“I’m sorry” Connor whispered.

“You’re not the one who should be sorry kiddo” Alex sighed as he pulled the boy in a hug, wincing when he heard Connor sniffle slightly.

Connor didn’t have anything to be sorry for but his bandmates might actually have something to be sorry for.

------

Connor had been adamant that Alex doesn’t say a word to the boys. But in the end, Alex didn’t really have to say anything. The two boys had walked in only to find James, Tristan and Brad getting ready to go.

“Con, we’re going to party with the boys. You coming?” Brad asked.

Connor shook his head, not keeping eye contact with anyone as he tried to get his bag from the shelf above. But then he heard a gasp again.

“Con, do you self-harm? What are those marks on your arms?” Tristan asked.

“It’s nothing” Connor said, trying to pull down his sleeves but James held him by the wrist.

“What are these Connor? What are you trying to do huh? Why didn’t you tell us that something is wrong?” James shouted.

“Maybe if you had paid some attention to the boy, you would have known exactly why. You guys haven’t really been there for him lately, have you? Otherwise you would have known about his panic attacks and self-harm” Alex shouted back.

“We know about his panic attacks. He hasn’t had them lately. He’s actually been so happy these days” Brad chipped in.

“Yeah, because he learnt to deal with his panic attacks on his own… By self-harming” Alex revealed.

The collective gasps that went around him was a proof that the boys had just realized what they had actually not noticed since the past few days.

------

“How could we have not seen it?” Tristan cursed himself.

“So sorry buddy. We pushed you to harm your own self” Brad apologized.

“No you didn’t” Connor was quick to say.

“We did. If we had been there to help you through your panic attacks then you wouldn’t have had to turn to self-harm” James said.

“We messed up buddy. Very sorry” Tristan apologized.

Overwhelmed by the boys’ apologies, Connor felt himself tearing up again as the boys pulled him in a group hug.

“It’s still not too late” Alex pointed out.

“Yeah… Of course. We promise Connor. We’ll watch your back henceforth” Brad promised.

“But you have to help us out too Con. You have to let us help you. You have to stop self-harming” James said.

“It’s not so easy…” Connor whispered.

“It’s not but we have to help each other out Con. You come to us when you have a panic attack and we’ll help you out. If we fail to help you then I’m sure there is someone else also who you can turn to” James said, looking up at Alex.

“You can count on me buddy” Alex promised.

Connor wasn’t really sure about it all but he nodded along, trusting his bandmates and trusting Alex.

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It would be difficult for Connor to stop harming himself. It wouldn’t be easy for the boys to always keep an eye on Connor or to help him through his panic attack but the least they could do was to be by the boy’s side. Besides, Alex was there to help them too. After all, it was always nice to have an extra pair of hands to help them out.

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A/N

Hope you all like it.

#the vamps #oneshot #all time low #connor centric #alex #james #tristan #brad

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