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chirpsythismorning · 9 months

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Just watched Brokeback Mountain for the first time and I need to talk about it.

Throughout the movie, we see Ennis experience a lot of intense discomfort and fear at the idea of being intimate with a man, despite it becoming abundantly clear in the details and based on his actions that that is indeed what he wants. He even admits to Jack that this fear stems from an experience he had at a young age, when his father showed him two men who were presumed to be lovers (they were roommates vibes), murdered and castrated, with him basically using it as a lesson to show Ennis that being gay was wrong and would get you killed.

Jack on the other hand was a little less discomforted or fearful at the idea of being with a man, in that we actually saw him return the following summer to Brokeback Mountain hoping Ennis would be there, only for him to show up alone. We saw how after this he confidently approached a man at the bar hoping to get to know him, only to get rejected and risk getting hate crimed (foreshadowing 😭). And we saw how, over time, Jack’s struggle had more to do with being hurt over Ennis’ unwillingness to commit or even just consider the possibility of them being together long term, even despite the risk of being gay in the 60’s.

Near the end of the film, upon Jack’s death, Ennis discovers from his father that over the past 20 years since they met at Brokeback Mountain, Jack constantly brought it up to his folks, how Ennis, his friend, was going to move up to their ranch and they were going to build a cabin and live together and take over for the family.

Jack was often the one in the moment taking the chances for them to be together. He was the one who mentioned that they could go to Mexico, with Ennis furiously rejecting it saying ‘you know what happens to people like you there??’

But what’s even more painful, is that in this same scene, Ennis’ acknowledges the truth more directly, and why it’s so painful is because it ends up ironically coming true:

Here, Ennis is basically saying that if he decides to be with Jack for real, aka faces his queerness head on, that’s going to be the thing that gets them (Jack) killed. Shortly after this, Jack loses it and has that infamous ass monologue, followed by Ennis breaking down over how it’s Jack’s fault that he’s this way in the first place.

In the end, when Jack dies, Ennis finds out about what happened from Jack’s wife, Lureen Newsome, who said Jack was pumping up a flat out on a backroad when his tire blew up, with the rim of the tire slamming his face, breaking his nose and jaw, and knocking him unconscious on his back. By the time someone drove by on the deserted backroad, he had drowned in his own blood.

The audience might’ve believed this story, if it wasn’t for how rehearsed it sounded coming out of Lureen’s mouth, but it also doesn’t help that images of Jack being hate crimed as his true cause of death are flashing across Ennis’s mind in real time while Lureen is telling him about the ‘accident’.

While it’s left up to interpretation, it’s implied from what his wife and father said, that Jack was hate-crimed by his father in law, with it being covered up.

Broken nose? Broken jaw?… Those are the kinds of wounds someone endures after being beaten up. And if it’s happening to the point of death, then he was essentially beaten to death.

This then fits into what Jack’s father said, because apparently, shortly before he died, he’d told his father he’d found a different friend that was going to come up there to the ranch with him. And so it’s very likely Lureen’s father caught wind of this as his plans to leave neared, leading to his murder (Jack also bitched his father in law tf out in an epic way, which on its own felt unnecessary in the moment, but within the context of this makes a whole lot more sense).

Either way, it seems Jack waited for Ennis to change his mind. 20 years he waited, and when Ennis didn’t, Jack finally moved on with someone else who made an offer of his own years before, only to get murdered just as Ennis feared he would if he decided to live his life authentically.

Ennis initially found out like this, in a postcard that bounced of him inquiring Jack about seeing each other again after that last massive fall out where they had, only for Ennis’s worst fear to be realized:

Nov 7th with deceased stamped across it has me spiraling 😭

Now, obviously Brokeback Mountain is one of the most well known queer films of all time, like there’s no denying that. So it’s fairly easy to assume ST could be taking some inspiration from this film just like they have with hundreds upon hundreds of other films. But especially if they are planning to go the queer route, homage to this film is pretty much guaranteed (there’s also one more reason it might be guaranteed, but I’m saving that for the end 🤣).

Regardless, as you can probably already tell, it’s very easy to see similarities between Ennis with Mike and Jack with Will.

Mike getting the ‘you see Michael? You see what happens?’ treatment from his father, in the first episode in the series, is very Ennis coded in that this is a TV show that follows that up with seasons of Mike pushing Will away from him, with it leading to a boiling point where he says, ‘What did you think? Really? That we were never gonna get girlfriends? That we were just gonna sit in my basement in play games for the rest of our lives?’ with Will responding, ‘Yeah. I guess I did. I really did,’ aka extremely Jack coded.

The really epic thing about this though, is that ST is clearly going on a different journey than Brokeback Mountain did, in that it’s simply subverting the bury your gays trope. While they are acknowledging the risk of being queer in the 80’s, they’re not letting it end ‘realistically’ like many people have insisted it must because that is the only option. And this will be a satisfying ending because it’s coming as a response to all those heartbreaking stories before it that have reinforced this idea that happy endings just aren’t an option for gay people who simply want to be together.

While Ennis and Jack didnt get their happy ending like they wanted, Mike and Will on the other hand 😏

And last but not least, on a more hilariously ironic note, the guy who Jack was going to settle for in the end instead of Ennis, was a guy named Randall Malone, played by none other than David fucking Harbour.

#byler #stranger things #brokeback mountain #am I late to the party #yes yes I am #but I was puny when this movie came out so I am just catching up 😭#anyways #I balled my eyes out at the end when Ennis’a worst fear came true #it sucked #although it followed the bury your gays trope #I will say it was still good in that it presented the risk from the very beginning #so the foreshadowing was there at least 😔#anyways will is so jack coded 😭#the way he excitedly drove to meet up with ennis after he found out about his divorce bc he thought it meant they could be together now #only for ennis to be like nothing changes if anything we have to see each other even less 😭#and jack just drives home balling 😭

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paradisetemporarilymisplaced · 3 years

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So I was being a basic bitch the other day and listening to my true crime podcasts when it occurred to me just how suspicious Nile’s “death” would look to everyone not in the Guard, leading me to a train of thought that, 2200 words later, absolutely got away from me but I can’t let go so I’m inflicting it on all of you!

To set the stage, we know the movie takes place over approximately a week. Here’s what happens to Nile from the military’s point of view:

She dies is very seriously injured

She heals without a scratch

Just before she’s supposed to be shipped out to Germany, she vanishes, leaving two men concussed (and presumably reporting being knocked out by a woman with short hair wearing civilian clothes)

She goes AWOL for several days

They get word from the CIA that she is to be reported killed in action (details unclear)

So, at the beginning of this very weird week, the USMC has to tell Nile’s family of her death critical injury. What her family was told depends on how long she was dead – a Google search tells me that family will be notified in person within 8 hours of a soldier’s death, but we don’t know how long her first death lasted. For an injury, however, they’d get a phone call to notify them and the unit would arrange for them to visit as soon as the soldier is transferred out of a combat zone. Like I remember when I was in high school, a guy from my church who was a Marine was really seriously injured in a helicopter crash in Iraq and from what I could tell, his parents were told immediately and were flown out to Germany to see him, so it stands to reason that Nile’s family would have been informed relatively quickly after her throat was slashed, one way or another.

And then, she goes AWOL. Her family would be notified while the USMC tried to figure out where she went, not least because the military would want to know if she’s contacted them. (And it’s possible that her family may have been on the way to Germany to see her since we know that’s where she was supposed to go!) So for several days:

Nile’s mom and brother have no idea where she is

They know she was seriously injured and most certainly should not have been moving around on her own

They can’t get a hold of her

The military can’t tell them anything

And the next thing they know for sure is that she was “killed in action.” After being injured and vanishing into thin air. And they presumably cannot produce her body or any concrete evidence of her death. In any case, something sketchy is going on, so they’re like. SMELLS LIKE A MILITARY COVERUP.

In a surprise to probably no one, there is a well-documented legacy of mysterious US military deaths, particularly of women of color (TW for sexual assault in these links). The cases of LaVena Johnson and Vanessa Guillenin particular have made national news because of their families’ persistence in seeking justice. Likewise, Nile is a Black woman, and her mom and brother are most certainly hypercognizant of (a) state violence against Black people and (b) these high-profile cases of suspicious military deaths. So her family are seriously side-eyeing the situation, knowing that (a) the military has a serious incentive (and a documented history) of covering up things that make them look bad and (b) nothing about Nile’s disappearance and supposed death are adding up.

And Andy’s right. Nile does come from warriors. And you know who else does? Her brother.

Don’t get me wrong. Nile’s mom would absolutely not back down. She’d know something was up and want to get to the bottom of it. But based on what I know about Gen X parents (mine), they’re not the most technologically savvy. Like they can use the internet, but they didn’t grow up with it the way we young millennials and Gen Z did. So Nile’s brother takes the lead. And what do zillennials do best?

Social media.

Nile’s brother starts going hard on any site he can, trying to get the word out to see if anyone knows what happened to his sister. He starts a Reddit thread. He starts a Facebook group. He reaches out to the media and true crime bloggers and podcasters à la Sarah Turney, getting loud and being a general nuisance in hopes of getting some answers. He gets his friends and Nile’s friends involved. Maybe eventually Dizzy, Jay, and others from Nile’s unit hear about it and reach out, telling him what they saw and how weird it all was. He’s drumming up interest, and soon “Nile Freeman” becomes a household name (at least among the true crime fans).

Copley is, of course, trying his best, but at this point there is just so much that it’s impossible for him to scrub everything. Sure, he can erase new footage of Nile and the Guard, but what can he do about Reddit threads and podcast episodes that are speculating something weird has happened? Maybe he could hack the sites and shut those things down, but honestly, that’s the last thing he’d want to do, because that only adds weight to the theory that Nile’s disappearance is a military coverup. So eventually he has to tell Andy what’s going on.

Andy, obviously, does not take the news well. However, she is also completely computer illiterate, because that’s Booker’s job and he’s the only one who ever bothered to learn what the internet is in any meaningful way. (She probably calls Booker for advice, and for the record, I think Booker would have no qualms about shutting down conspiracy threads, tinhats be damned, but Copley is too concerned about the consequences. He’s ex-CIA for crying out loud, he knows how it’ll look if they scrub every mention of Nile’s name from the internet.) Maybe she confers with Joe and Nicky but, let’s be honest, they’d be equally unhelpful. So at this point, she knows they have to bring in Nile.

But the thing about Nile is that she, too, knows how to use the internet (duh). Aside from her being a young millennial/digital native, we know from the cave scene where she’s giving Booker suggestions on how to track Copley that she clearly is even more computer savvy than the average person. And for that reason she almost definitely took over the day-to-day tech stuff after Booker’s exile. So I think it would be foolish to expect her to be unaware of what’s happening. She’s not contacting her family or posting on the message boards or anything, but she knows what’s up. So Copley and the team probably sit her down to “break the news,” but we know the girl does not have a poker face (see: literally shooting herself in the foot and not being able to play it cool whatsoever) and cracks immediately, telling them she’s seen everything about her case – she’s not interacting with any of it, she certainly didn’t instigate anything, but she knows. (And she is so goddamn proud of her brother.)

At this point, I’d like to pause and consider Nile’s role in the overall narrative of this movie. She’s set up as a foil to Andy, obviously, but she’s also a foil to Booker. Booker, who, like Andy, is a serious pessimist, but who, unlike Andy, still has very fresh memories and trauma associated with being the new kid, which have destroyed him. In his mind (and Andy’s), if Nile communicates with her family, she’ll become just like him in a century or two – bitter, alone, and stuck with her grief and memories of watching her family die and knowing they died resenting her. It’s a small sample size, but this is the only experience they have to go off of.

But it doesn’t have to be like that.

There’s been a lot of discussion of TOG being a fundamentally queer movie – a group of people brought together because of something inherent about themselves that is different, that must be hidden, that causes others to hate, fear, and reject them. Booker’s backstory is the archetypal traumatic “coming out” story – his family learns who he is, hate him for it, and attempt to cast him out of their lives. He’s stuck with his trauma, his pain, his loss, and it consumes him.

But what if Nile’s family would be the opposite? What if her “coming out” to them as immortal is met with acceptance, love, celebration? What if her family is just overjoyed to have her back, and they don’t care what the circumstances are? I'm reminded of this incredible post from @shitty-old-guard-deaths a while back, where Nile’s mother hits Booker with a frying pan because “my baby let me believe she was dead for FIVE YEARS based on your bad advice???” (which may or may not have inspired this whole tangent). Nile takes the advice of someone who did the same thing she wants to do because she doesn’t want to risk her family’s rejection. She wants the good memories with her family and is afraid that showing them her true self will bring her unbearable pain, forever replacing those memories. But, with high risk comes high reward.

Anyway. Nile and the team are trying to come up with a plan for how to handle this whole thing, but she’s not really participating because she’s too afraid to hope. Until finally, quickly, so she doesn’t lose her nerve, she suggests she reach out to them, knowing that, realistically, that’s the only solution before things snowball even further out of control. The team is shocked, but realize that she has a point. They decide that Copley should actually be the first point of contact, posing as a US government official to talk with them and test the waters.

So Copley goes to Nile’s family’s house to talk with her mom and brother. They’re probably distrustful and apprehensive, but nonetheless secretly ecstatic that their work has paid off. They talk and review all of the information that they’ve collected, including testimonials from the people on Nile’s base and recent sightings (along with photos) of Nile (with the same three people) over the last few years that people have sent them but they haven’t posted publicly. At this point, Copley’s like, yeah this is about to blow up, we gotta put our cards on the table. He convinces them to come with him to some safe house/black site/whatever he can get that is technologically impenetrable (I’m picturing them in like, an interrogation room at a police station kind of deal), takes their phones, locks the doors, and brings in Nile.

What follows is the most delightful reunion scene of all time, bringing Joe, Nicky, and even Andy to tears as they watch and listen from outside the room. With Copley’s help, Nile tells her mom and brother about her immortality and what’s been going on since she died (within reason, of course), and they are thrilled. They don’t understand why (because no one does) but they don’t question it and they see it as a gift from God – she’s been resurrected, she will live, and she has a purpose. Her mother and brother are so happy to see her again and are willing to agree with pretty much anything to stay in her life as long as they can.

So. They set up some complicated agreement (they bring in the other three for support/intimidation as needed) setting the terms of their relationship. They swear Nile’s family to secrecy, maybe bringing up the lab to show how high the stakes are, and they readily agree. They come up with some cover story for Nile’s brother to share on the message boards (maybe that the government has opened an investigation but because it’s an open case he has to shut it all down? Tells people to direct their tips somewhere else? Something to that effect). There’s still speculation, of course, but without Nile’s brother at the helm providing the energy, the hype dies down as news stories are wont to do without any movement. And Nile’s family goes to work for the team. The experience has taught them that Copley can’t possibly do everything himself, especially when it comes to social media, so Nile’s brother takes the lead on the day-to-day tracking/social media while Copley and her mom focus on finding jobs and scrubbing their traces afterward.

So there you have it: Nile gets to integrate her biological family into her found family and spend the rest of their lives with them as it should be, Copley gets some badly needed help managing the reality of social media, the team finally has a positive narrative surrounding outsiders Knowing About Them AND about interacting with people from their previous life, and the audience gets the happy ending to this very lovely and very queer story to counteract the pain associated with Booker’s family.

Plus, you know, I’m a sucker for both a good government conspiracy theory and for Nile getting every good thing she deserves.

#the old guard #tog #tog fanfiction #tog meta #immortal family #nile freeman #mine #damn look at me contributing to a fandom! that’s new #pls reblog if you like this my self esteem could really use it #I just love nile so much and I’m being the nile-centric content I want to see in the world #it is just genuinely nuts to think abt how this situation would be perceived by anyone outside the narrative #she just mysteriously heals from a fatal injury and then VANISHES!!! this should be national fuckin news #also I do think there’s a major hole in the story when you think abt social media #like the only time it’s even hinted at is right at the very beginning when Andy erases that girl’s selfie #and the concept of fuckin Reddit is not even brought up despite Copley’s stalker board being analog Reddit #there’s just a lot of places one could go with this which is very much what we got here #1k

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dontmindmyshadowhunting · 3 years

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Kit and Ty’s reunion (Fan Fiction) - Part 7 - Let’s kick some Cohort ass

Title says it all. Just because I needed to see some Cohort ass get kicked. My kind of therapy. Characters based on Cassandra Clare’s (TSC) though I created one for the plot. Three years after TDA.

The two following days passed in a blur. Kit was returning to his bedroom after training one evening when he saw a package left on his bed. He opened it and emptied the content on his desk. There was a folded note and a necklace. Kit felt a jolt of uneasiness as he recognized instantly the whitish-green pendant with the Chinese characters carved into it. Even though he had only learnt a few Chinese words from Jem, and didn’t know how to read them, he knew exactly what the characters meant. When two people are at one in their inmost hearts, they shatter even the strength of iron or bronze.

It was the pendant Jem had offered Tessa over a hundred years ago, when he had proposed.

With a growing sense of dread, Kit opened the folded note and read. We hold someone you love. If you want to see her again, meet us at the following address. Alone. If you warn the Clave or anyone at the Institute, we will know. And what you’ll find there will be her dead body. The address printed at the bottom of the note seemed to be in a residential area, a 30 minutes’ walk from the Institute.

A flash of memories went through Kit’s head. Tessa smiling indulgently at him as he made yet another one of his bad jokes. Their banter about books and movies. Tessa carrying a giggling Mina and staring at Jem adoringly, as he was making faces to make them laugh. Tessa singing to Mina - loud enough for Kit to hear – the song his mother used to sing to him. Well, the mother who had given birth to him. Tessa was also his mother now.

When he snapped out of his daze, he was fully dressed in Shadowhunter gear. Thankfully, he always kept weapons in his room and was now heavily armed. He didn’t pause to think as he walked to the window and started escalading straight up to the Institute’s roof. He would not go through the corridors and risk being followed by someone at the Institute. He had noticed the way the Centurions sometimes seemed to suddenly appear out of thin air when he thought he was alone.

Perched on the Institute’s roof, he felt grateful for all the training Jace had put him through. He now knew that, as much as Jace could jump from unexpected, impossible heights, so could he. He had even trained to jump out of a Malachi configuration. Theoretically. Jace had smiled conspiratorially at the time, telling him it was a talent that could always prove useful.

He drew two runes, Heightened Speed and Surefooted, sparing a glance, as he always did, at the Voyance rune at the back of his right hand. He only paused to take one deep breath before jumping from the roof and landing gracefully on the ground. He murmured a silent thanks to Jace and almost wished his mentor were there for a high five.

He made it to the location in short time, although it seemed like hours to him.

He tried to circle around the meeting point, but it appeared empty. Just when he thought about doing another round, he heard laughter coming from an alley surrounded by two brick buildings. He peered his head. No one. He started as he heard a creaking noise behind him. Spinning toward the sound with his sword raised, he saw a familiar figure standing a few feet away.

It was one of the Centurions who had been assigned to his security. The Swedish blond girl, Kiersten Lindquist. She held a finger to her lips, hushing him, and slid silently next to him.

“It’s a trap” she said low in his ear. “I have sent Anush back to the Institute for reinforcements. I’ll distract them and you run. Don’t – and I repeat it – whatever you do, don’t let yourself get caught. It’s you they want. They will not hurt me if they are still looking for you. They would want to use me as bait.”

“But– Tessa…”

“She’s fine” snapped Kiersten. Then, more gently “please don’t mess up our plan.”

Wait– Kit thought, there was a plan?

Before he could ask, a dozen Shadowhunters – and it was plain they belonged to the Cohort - were circling them. They were calling themselves the Imperishable Order, now. Same shit, different name, thought Kit.

“Hey Barbie girl” drawled one of the Cohort members. He looked very familiar. “We have no quarrel with you. We just want the Herondale Faerie-slut. Leave us be and we will not harm you.”

“Manuel. I see you haven’t changed” said Kiersten calmly. “You’re still a disgrace to the Scholomance.” She drew her longsword and shouted “NOW”.

Kit sprinted, knocking down two Cohort members on his way, disappeared around the corner of the nearest building and scrambled up its wall with a dexterity that would make both Jace and Jem proud. Up on the roof, he could see six Centurions had been dispatched to look for him. He glanced at the battle taking place beneath him and heard shouts as a newcomer joined the melee and incapacitated a Cohort member in a record time, before turning to fight two others. Kiersten was fighting two on her own.

Kit decided to check on the hunt party. Only two of them had decided to climb the stairs up to the top of the building, while the others were searching the area. Suddenly, he heard in a loud, clear voice “STOP. STOP now, put your weapons down or I SWEAR TO GOD I will cut Barbie’s throat.”

He hurried back to stand at the edge of the roof, to assess the situation below.

Kit watched as the newcomer – a tall figure wearing a Centurion uniform – took a step forward and kneeled, laying his two blades on the floor. He raised both his hands as he stood. The moon lit his face. Kit gasped. Ty. No, no, no, Ty. I am so sorry.

Manuel strode to stand behind Ty, encircling him with his arms and lifting a knife to his throat. He was almost standing on tiptoe as Ty was taller than him, and it would have been comical if not for the dreadfulness of the whole situation.

A few feet away, facing them, another Cohort member had Kiersten in a headlock.

Kit had to force himself still. His hands were clutched into fists, his entire body trembling with the urge to fight. He kept repeating Kiersten’s words in his head. They will not hurt me if they are still looking for you. They would want to use me as bait.

“Well, well, look who we have here” said a woman’s voice and Kit recognized it at once. Zara Dearborn.

“Is this… Julian Blackthorn’s younger brother? The weird one? Well, whatever they say, he is hot as hell.”

Manuel laughed. “I figured you would say this, Zara. We all know you have wet dreams about Julian Blackthorn. No shame in that. You know what they say, keep your enemies closer and all that.”

Zara spluttered. “Seriously? You really want to talk about this? How about your crush on Emma Carstairs?” And in a mimicking voice, “Oooh Emma, you have such pretty blond hair and you’re such a badass, and you have this long, beautiful sword making up for my tiny, little…”

“Let’s make a truce,” said Manuel. “When we get back to Alicante, the Blackthorn Ken here will be all yours.”

“That’s actually a great idea. The look on Emma’s face when she finds out that her little brother-in-law and I…“

“I’m sorry, Zara, but this is not happening” said Ty, in a loud, clear voice, that didn’t betray a flicker of fear although he had a knife pointed at his throat. Kit felt a surge of pride. “No offense, but psycho bitches are not my type.”

Kit could see in the distance silhouettes running in their direction. He sighed in relief. Reinforcement was coming. He jumped from the roof and landed directly behind Zara, pointing his sword in her back in almost the same motion.

Several gasps of surprise.

“You think that jump was high? I can do it in my sleep” said Kit, showing off.

He winked at Ty then, who was glancing his way, pride glittering in his eyes.

Kit knew he needed to stall until reinforcement arrived. Admittedly, the Cohort members were already doing most of the job.

“So… Manuel, I have to admit I am a bit jealous. You see, I have been fantasizing about holding Tiberius in the exact same position for years now.”

Ty, who had not betrayed a flicker of emotion until then, flushed a deep shade of red.

Manual smiled viciously. “Oh, I see. I guess all Faeries are queers.” And then, he spoke in Ty’s ear but loudly, so everyone could hear “So, who’s the bitch?”

Ty didn’t answer but looked pointedly at Zara.

“Let me translate for you, freak. Do you hump him? Or does he hump you?”

“Come now, Manuel. This is the 21st Century. Keep up” said Kit, flashing his best smile. “We believe in equal opportunities.”

“OK guys, did I miss something? did we really run into Cohort members or some hormone-crazed teenagers posing as such?” it was Barbie – sorry, Kiersten – who had just spoken.

No one answered as this was the moment when Jace appeared out of nowhere and knocked down the person who had her in a headlock with the flat of his sword.

Kit pushed Zara away, with such force that she ended up sprawling on the floor.

He instantly turned to where Ty was standing… looking down, his foot resting on top of Manuel’s body, which was writhing on the ground. Manuel was staring at his hands, his forearms, which were covered with red rashes and blisters, his face a mask of shock. A powder substance was eating away his knife, which had somehow landed a few feet away.

Kit saw Ty put away a small vial filled with red-purple powder, with a satisfied look on his face.

All hell broke loose.

A fleeing Cohort member was swept off his feet as a whip circled around his foot and Isabelle, looking like a warrior goddess, pulled vigorously.

An arrow lodged itself in Zara’s thigh as she tried to stand up. Alec, standing a few feet away, had already pulled a new arrow. He looked… bored.

Kit knocked down another Cohort member using only his right hook. Because, well, he could.

In a few minutes, they had rounded up the wounded and tied their hands behind their backs.

The party that had been sent to search for Kit came back to an incongruous sight.

Zara, Manuel and the other Cohort members who had remained with the Centurions were now huddled together in the middle of a circle made by Anush, Kiersten, Ty and Isabelle, who was slashing at the air with her whip as to make a point to whoever thought they could chance an escape. Kit thought she looked like a hot school teacher scolding her very, very naughty pupils.

The search party turned around, making a run for it… only to be met by Jace. He was leaning casually against the side of the wall, his arms crossed.

“Hey, guys” he drawled. “Looking for something? Your dignity, maybe?”

One of the fleers launched himself at him, weapon raised, and Jace simply ducked out of the way as he drew his own sword.

Kit sensed a movement behind him, just as he was facing another one. Glancing backward, he saw that Ty had joined him to cover his back. He felt heat – the heat of the battle, the heat of Ty's body so close to his – as they fought back-to-back, four opponents at the same time.

Alec and Jace eventually joined them, and it was almost over before it had started.

The remaining Cohort members joined their friends in the circle where Kiersten, Anush and Isabelle had remained. Isabelle had put away her whip and was staring at her nails.

Clary finally swept in, gracefully, not a single hair out of place, and started drawing a portal.

“Sorry we are late” she said, standing next to Simon who was carrying large paper bags. “We had to stop to buy us dinner.”

*****

Hope you’ll enjoy reading it, as much as I did writing it @heloisacosta23 @arangiajoan @nenyx @naerysthelonesome @adoravel-fenomeno @eutonyinwhisper @chlo-tk @the-blackdale @thechangeling @herondalebitchh

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nonbinaryresource · 3 years

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hi. i wanted to ask whether or not it’s ok to take comfort in a person that has not officially come out as trans but has included many forms of gender expression in their work? i’m trans and when i listened to this artist’s work (harry styles - she & fine line) i connected with the songs immediately? i found a lot of people in the community who too connected to the songs and interpreted the lyrics as a struggle with one’s gender identity. at first i was against calling harry trans because i thought it was wrong, but then after reading master posts i discovered that he constantly portrays gender in his work (using the trans flag on his album cover; being ok with his friends referring to him with she/her, miss, ‘sue’ instead of ‘harry’, and sis; his obsession with babies and especially wanting to get pregnant; relating himself only to female artists; etc.) and now i’m really confused. it feels comforting as a fan to relate to him and i, and a lot of other fans from the community, sometimes refer to him with he/she/they instead of he/him (he never said his pronouns are he/him). is that wrong? every time my (trans) friends and i refer to him with pronouns other than he/him or tell people not to assume he’s cis as he never specified that, other (usually cis. a trans fan called me transphobic and told me to stop seeking validation from cis white men.) fans will start calling us transphobic and delusional and attacking us to the point we had anxiety attacks over it? i’m just really confused right now. i don’t want to misgender anyone but i don’t understand why relating to someone who, from their actions, could be part of the community is wrong. i’m not out to anyone irl and sometimes i wish people caught on to the little things i do and recognise that i am part of the community. i don’t understand why people keep shutting down the idea the harry could be trans when he never said he was cis and was ok being referred to as she.

he has previously said that there are no lines between what's masculine and what's feminine for him anymore. i'm sorry this is so long and thank you

(You also sent in the song lyrics - thanks for the easy reference! - but I’m clipping those for length reasons.)

Disclaimer before I dig in: I am not a Harry Styles stan, I know very little about him, most of what I am going to say specifically about him is stuff I researched about specifically to answer this ask. I want to speak mostly generally to your question.

Okay, so you posed a pretty succinct, straight forward question. “i wanted to ask whether or not it’s ok to take comfort in a person that has not officially come out as trans but has included many forms of gender expression in their work?“ However, there’s also a lot of context to this ask that makes things not so straight forward, and there are several distinct issues touched upon here I want to delve into. But it seems a good a starting place as any to start with the direct question you asked.

Yes, of course it’s okay to find your own meaning in art and role models and relate to art your way from your perspective based on your experience. In fact, that’s nearly the entire purpose of art! And it makes sense too, that we as social creatures would look up to and be inspired by celebrities, artists, mentors, role models, etc. Feeling connected to and less alone because someone in the spotlight plays with gender presentation like you might or want to makes a lot of sense!

However, we have to remember that A) sometimes art is just art, and B) someone being in the spotlight doesn’t mean we actually know or understand them or are/should act familiar with them.

As an example, a couple years back, Will Jay released a song called “Never Been in Love” that pretty much exploded with aros and aces and became a bit of an anthem for a lot of us. Many wondered if he was aspec himself and there was a lot of queries about it (and I saw quite a few blogs reminding folk that they were allowed to relate to the song even if it meant something different to Will Jay or he wasn’t actually aspec). Earlier this year, he released the song “Lies” where he admits that he was writing songs he thought people would relate to and he actually had been in love even before writing “Never Been In Love”. That should do nothing to diminish how meaningful the song was to people, though! If we related to the song, we related to the song, and if it was meaningful and made us feel seen and understood, that’s great! A lot of times, art is personal, but sometimes art is just an exploration.

This concept applies even more to people themselves. It is soooo easy to idolize and romanticize people you’ve never actually met and really only see the persona they want you to see. Yes, they share personal information with the world and they experience a general lack of privacy that makes you feel like yeah, you really know who they are. But how can you really, personally, intimately know someone without interacting with them, chatting with them, getting to know them one on one? It’s fine to have role models and feel represented by and relate to a celebrity - just do not lose sight of the fact that what you’re feeling is personal feeling on your own end. It’s not something that this celebrity has actually built with you.

To put this another way: it is fine to headcanon fictional characters, but it’s not okay to headcanon real people.

Now, what I’m building up to here is that there are a lot of assumptions I am seeing - from both sides - that we cannot truly know because all we know is what Harry [or anyone] chooses to share with us. I’d like to break this down by going through some specific points.

at first i was against calling harry trans because i thought it was wrong

Okay, there are two sides to this.

1) It is wrong to apply a gender label/descriptor to someone without their permission.

2) In a cisnormative society, “cis” is the default gender label/descriptor to apply to everyone, and that’s equally wrong, so I get why it feels like a rebellion of the system to go “well, there are Reasons they could be trans, so I’m just going to go ahead and call them trans”.

We should get away from automatically labeling everyone as “cis”. However, the way we fix this isn’t to just decide we get to apply whatever label/descriptor to someone we want.

If someone hasn’t clarified or specified their gender (and you can’t/it isn’t a good or safe idea to ask them), it’s the safest bet to go by what they seem to be majority being called or what you can find of them referring to themself as.

In some cases, when someone seems to be specifically avoiding labeling themselves or uncomfortable with labeling themselves, it may be most comfortable for you to also avoid labeling them just as much as possible.

being ok with his friends referring to him with she/her, miss, ‘sue’ instead of ‘harry’, and sis; his obsession with babies and especially wanting to get pregnant; relating himself only to female artists; etc.)

It’s worth considering - is this something for friends only? Or is it open to fans and other public sectors?

Usually if something is for friends only, it’ll be kept out of public eye, but if only friends are doing this, is this something that is only being shared with you or is it something you’re entitled to as well?

Aaaaaaaaalso, it has to be pointed out that it’s binarist and cisnormative in it’s own way to equate different names/pronouns automatically with being trans or being a specific trans identity. Wanting to get pregnant? Do you know how many cis women I’ve heard go on and on about wanting a penis so they can pee standing up (like... all of them anytime we’re outside or camping)? Plenty of cis people use pronouns you might not expect! You don’t have to be trans/nonbinary to use multiple or ‘atypical’ pronouns. Cis people are allowed to use other pronouns as well! They’re allowed to have names typically associated with other genders! Not all gender nonconforming or genderqueer people/people queering gender are trans! Not everybody exploring their gender nor gender presentation is trans!

not to assume he’s cis as he never specified that

It’s great to not assume someone is cis! But that doesn’t automatically make them trans.

i don’t want to misgender anyone but i don’t understand why relating to someone who, from their actions, could be part of the community is wrong.

Do you specifically, absolutely need to gender someone in order to relate to them?

i don’t understand why people keep shutting down the idea the harry could be trans when he never said he was cis and was ok being referred to as she.

I’ve only recently seen a tiny bit of this ‘discourse’ around on twitter, but what I see is a few issues/points:

A) It’s not up to us to claim someone as trans if they have not come out as trans. Coming out is an extremely personal choice and should be up to each individual. “Claiming” them is basically dragging them into something that very well may be not theirs. And if it is theirs, why would you want to steal that moment of getting to determine and declare that away from them?

B) We are all so done with cis, able-bodied white folk being prioritized above the rest of the queer community!!! There are actual, legitimate, out trans people that can be your trans role models and they’re being shoved to the back of the closet in favor of a privileged, white Schrödinger’s Trans. Let’s uplift our actual community instead of getting stuck on someone who may or may not be a part of community - and may not even want to be a part of it!

All that being said, I do want to say something really quickly on Harry himself because it ties back into the assumptions we’ve been talking about. Harry’s sexuality has long been a question on fans and journalists minds, and Harry has pretty consistently made it clear that he’s not really interested in labels or boxes. Harry’s gender is not something that has been asked about, talked about, or answered on much. And his comment on masculinity and femininity? Let’s remember that, like pronouns, masculinity and femininity don’t automatically or inherently relate to one specific gender or not. And, quite frankly, it is faucet of toxic masculinity and cissexism to equate a gnc man/man in a dress with being trans. Men are allowed to wear dresses and makeup and heels! Men are allowed to be soft and nurturing and to cry! Cis or trans, men are allowed to be these things, and arguing that they’re trans simply for doing or being any of these does continue to enforce dangerous and strict views of the gender binary.

Okay, it feels like I kinda put you through the wringer, so I want to go back and reiterate: it is 100% valid to relate to and feel connected to/inspired by someone on the basis of their presentation and gender exploration. It is not valid to claim ownership over their identity because of this. It is possible for two people to experience same or similar things and yet come to different conclusions about themselves!

If Harry Styles as an icon is important to you, I’m glad you can have that! But not everyone will or has to share your connection, and the only one actually qualified to speak on Harry’s gender is Harry himself. Harry could be trans, but it’s his right and his right only to claim that label. Any assuming we do is just that: an assumption. And I want you to be careful with your own feelings getting too attached to the image of Harry you’ve built up in your own head only to potentially have them shattered if Harry decides to speak on things and it turns out his feelings don’t mean what you thought.

Your identity is valid regardless of how Harry Styles feels or identifies. You feeling validated and seen and represented by Harry’s actions is valid regardless of how Harry Styles feels or identifies. It’s great to have role models and be inspired by people, but remember that at the end of the day, you need to be able to rely on yourself to keep up your ego and determine your sense of self.

~Pluto

#long post #mod pluto #identity #role models #discourse #gender #gender binary #cisnormativity #cissexism #mod tera #Anonymous

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yikesharringrove · 4 years

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So, this began several months ago like this and because I cope by putting my sweet bby through the ringer, it has risen.

Some of that sweet sweet Steve angst. This takes place post-season 3 but they burned the Mind Flayer outta Billy, established relationship.

Read on Ao3

It was Will Byers that found him.

Steve had begun hosting DnD night after the second run-in with the Upside Down. He said it was to keep the kids out of the hair of the rest of the Party Moms, but Billy knew it was to keep the house filled with noise, light, life.

He knew Steve had been hanging on by the slimmest, teeniest little thread after this summer, so the kids were over more often than not. They would play for a few hours, watch a movie (deciding which movie usually took at least an hour in and of itself) and all the kids would pass out in the sitting room. Billy and Steve would take that opportunity to sneak up to Steve’s room for the night.

It was a typical game night when Will was startled awake. Almost a year later, he was still getting nightmares of his possession, of the Mind Flayer using him to hurt others, lure people to their deaths. He needed a minute to gather himself, so he went to the bathroom to the left of the upstairs landing, the bathroom almost nobody uses.

When he opens the door, the first thing he notices is the clumps of dark brown hair littering the counter and sink.

He met Steve’s eyes in the mirror and found them red-rimmed, filled with tears. His hair was a fucking mess. Random chunks had been cut at odd angles. Nothing was the same length and overall his hair was shorter than Will has ever seen.

He didn’t know what the fuck was going on.

He was wearing green shorts Will recognized from the Hawkins High Basketball Team and a ratty old Mötley Crüe shirt Will would have never pictured Steve wearing, let alone owning.

He put the scissors down when he noticed Will behind him and whipped around. His breathing was fast and ragged, he had a white-knuckle grip on the counter behind him.

“Steve?” Will took a step forward as Steve’s knees seemed to buckle. He lowered himself to the ground

“Get Billy. He’s-he’s in my room. Tell him I-” he closed his eyes and took a few shuddering breaths. “Tell him I need him.”

Will booked it the fuck outta the bathroom, opening doors at random as he sped down the hall. He felt like shit leaving Steve alone in the obvious panic he’s in, but if Billy can help, then Will’s helping too.

He knew Steve’s room from the honey smell. Steve had a very particular scent Will recognized immediately, the fresh wheat of a meadow in late summer. The next thing he noticed was the giant lump of very obviously naked Billy draped across the left side of the bed. Will’s mouth was dry as he approached, but this was important. Focus Will, c’mon. He whispered out Billy’s name.

Billy was a light sleeper. He heard the door open and was awake right away. When it wasn’t Steve who was silhouetted against the hall lighting, he knew something was fucking wrong.

The second Will Byers whispered out his name in the darkness, he was up and out of bed, digging through the piles of his and Steve’s clothes strewn about the floor for something, anything, to put on.

“Where is he?”

Will just turned, motioning for Billy to follow him down the hall to the large bathroom just to the left of the landing.

Billy’s heart shattered the second he saw the devastation that was Steve Harrington in a heap on the floor. He approached like he would a scared animal, slowly lowering himself near Steve’s head, carefully keeping his movements slow and deliberate.

“Baby, it’s me. I’m here, I’m right here for you, Honey. I’m not gonna touch you, okay? You come to me when you’re ready just like always. I’m here, Baby, I’m not going anywhere.”

Will’s brain was going a mile a fucking minute. He felt like he was going to throw up. He was too worried about Steve to actually process what Billy was saying, to actually process the fact that Billy and Steve were obviously, together, in a way Will had dreamed of being with another guy. All he could think about were Steve’s uneven breaths and all the fucking hair covering the bathroom.

He began to clean it up, quietly picking up the clumps of dark hair and placing them in the trash he found under the cabinet while Steve slowly came into himself enough to crawl pathetically into Billy’s lap.

“Can you talk to me, Stevie? What’s going on?” Billy was running his fingers up and down Steve’s back, gently making patterns through the shirt Will now figured wass Billy’s.

“I wanted, I wanted it gone,” was Steve’s mumble. Will had abandoned cleaning, dropping himself down the wall adjacent to the one Billy was propped against.

“Okay, okay. Can you tell me why? Take your time, Baby. We’re right here for you.”

“Had another, ‘nother nightmare,” Steve was still taking shaky breathes, spitting out his words on every exhale. “‘Bout the-the Russians.”

“Okay, I know what happened. I understand, Baby. Just focus on your breathing, okay? Try to match mine. We’re not going anywhere.” Billy looked at Will, flashing him a small smile he sheepishly returned. Steve turned his face into Billy’s chest, closing his eyes and checking out, focusing on the steady rise and fall of Billy’s strong chest.

“Is he, is he gonna be okay?” Will was about to have a breakdown of his own. Watching Steve, someone he always saw as strong, the protector, succumb to the same panic and fear Will had felt his whole life. It was jarring.

“Yeah, kid. This happens sometimes. We just gotta give him a little extra love.” He huffed a breath. “Anyone ever fill you in about the Russians?”

“Kind of? Like Dustin told us all about being trapped in that elevator and the underground base while we were getting the Mind Flayer out of you. I don’t think I’ve ever heard Steve say anything about it though.”

“Well, you know how he is. Threw himself of the sword so Dustin and Erica could get outta there. He ended up getting- I mean he and Robin both got, drugged and, and tortured.”

Will felt the tears he’d been holding back this whole time roll down his cheeks.

“I didn’t know that, he-why didn’t he tell us? We can help him. We all l-love him a lot and we’re a family. We’re his family.”

“He knows that. He does, and it means a whole hell of a lot to him, you guys really are his family, but he’s-he’s got it in his head he’s gotta be the strong one. The one to protect all of us, so he pushes his shit down until, well, until this happens. But, kid, you gotta, you gotta promise both of us not to go tellin’ this to the other nerds, okay? You know he would fuckin’ hate it if they all knew about this, and I’m not-I’m not just talking about the attack, I mean, you know, me and him.”

“I promise! I really promise, I know what it’s like, the-the panic and, you know, the, well the other thing.” Billy’s eyes brightened.

“Yeah? You a social deviant too, Baby Byers?”

“I, well, I think so.”

“Hey, welcome to the club! Nice to know there're more queers in Hawkins. I need to give this hick town more fuckin’ credit. Good for you, figurin’ that shit out quick. It’ll save you a lotta confusion. ‘Lotta heartbreak too.”

“I think I’ve always known. Never thought about girls, not when, not when-well. I always knew.”

“Who was your first crush? That guy that just made you go ‘hot damn’?” Billy was grinning at Will. “Mine was Jim Morrison. Saw a poster of him at a record store once, and just, you know. Knew it.”

Will didn’t really know what to say. He knew exactly who it was that awoke the gay beast inside him, but he didn’t really know how to tell Billy.

“This is kind of, well it’s kind of embarrassing,” That only made Billy’s smile grow.

“You need to tell me right the fuck now, kid. C’mon, I can tell you Steve’s too!”

Will flushed. So he was doing this.

“So, he probably told you this, but um, Steve used to coach little league. And, he was my coach the summer before sixth grade, and, well...” he trailed off, not making eye contact with Billy until he let out a bark of laughter.

“Are you fucking telling me,” He shifted Steve around on his lap who made a disgruntled noise before settling back into Billy’s chest. He was entirely zoned out, focused on the rhythm of Billy’s breaths and the cadence of his voice, not registering any actual words from the other two.

“Are you fucking telling me, that Steve Harrington, this lump right here, caused your sexual awakening?” Billy was laughing.

“I mean, he was always really nice to us, and like, I hated baseball, but he made it, he made it really fun and he would always be so excited for us when we did well-”

“Plus, he’s hot as fuck.” He cut Will of, shooting him a wink, with his tongue between his teeth. Will went bright fucking red. “I’m just fuckin’ with you kid. I know he’s a sweet one.”

“He made me want to play baseball. I hated baseball. Only did it because my dad made me. He probably thought it would straighten me out.” Billy’s teasing smile dropped from his face.

“Sounds like we had the same kinda dad.” He took a breath, looking down at Steve for a moment. “He ever hit you?”

Will’s blood ran cold.

“No, not me. He used to hit Mom and Jonathan. I think they both thought that if they got hit, at least the rest of us weren’t gettin’ any. She definitely caught him slapping Jonathon around once, though. All his stuff was on the lawn within the hour.”

Billy smiled, but it was kind of, sad. “Your mom is a damn spitfire. I adore that woman.”

“I do too. She’s the best mom in the world.” Will could talk about his mom all day and all fucking night.

Steve was shifting around again, moving between Billy’s legs and sitting up more on his own.

“Hey, Baby. Welcome back to us. You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m okay.” He looked at Will. “I’m really sorry. I’m really sorry you had to see all that.”

“It’s okay. I understand. I get anxiety like that too.” Steve smiled at him blearily before turning to Billy. “Okay, be straight up with me. How bad’s the damage?” He swept his fingers over his hair, wincing when he felt the different lengths and random chunks.

“I’m not gonna lie, it’s not good. But I think Robin could fix it. She seems like the type that can cut hair. It’s gonna have to be short though. Real short.”

Steve whined, pushing his bottom lip out at Billy. “You gonna dump me? I’m not pretty enough for you anymore?”

Will’s heart nearly stopped when Billy leaned in to bite at Steve’s pouty bottom lip. He had never seen moments like this between two men, just sweet moments that showed how much they love each other.

“You’ll always be my Pretty Boy, you fuckin’ know that.” They were smiling at one another so softly. “You know Will and I got some nice bonding time in while you were working on your breathing.” Steve leaned sideways against Billy’s chest, slipping one hand into the big front pocket of his sweatshirt.

“Yeah? What’d you all talk about?”

“Oh, you know. Shitty dads, first crushes, normal stuff.”

“Oooh, I already know yours is Jim Morrison, you’re old news around here, Bill. Care to share, Will the Wise?” No, Steve, he does not care to share.

“Oh, umm it was actually uh,” He reached around for a name, absolutely not ready to admit to Steve his first crush. “Marlon Brando?”

Steve’s tired eyes lit up a little. “Brando? Honestly, he was one a’ mine too. And Harrison Ford. I saw Star Wars four times in theatres. Couldn’t tell you a single plot detail. So you’re playin’ for our team?” Billy rolled his eyes and mumbled something that sounded vaguely like fucking jock under his breath. Steve elbowed him.

“Um, yeah. Although, I haven’t really, told anyone, so if you guys could, you know.”

“Oh, yeah, discretion is key.” Steve nodded. “We’re not too bad at keeping secrets, you don’t gotta worry about us.”

“So none of your friends know? That’s rough, Byers. I mean, even here I’ve found a few people I can tell, Steve, obviously. But California, all ‘a my friends knew.”

“Well, I mean, I told Mike. Last year. And he was really cool about it, but then this summer we got into a fight, and he kinda, threw it back in my face.”

Billy and Steve both looked shocked and appalled on Will’s behalf.

“What did the little fucker say? I’ll kick his ass if he called you a fa-”

“No! Nothing like that, it’s cool, Billy. He just, well we got into it about how he and Lucas didn’t really have time to play DnD, or hang out with me in general anymore, and he said ‘it’s not my fault you don’t like girls’. We didn’t really talk about it, I mean, he kinda apologized, but it was right when everything was going down. So, I put it aside.” Steve got his Mom Face on.

“But have you talked about it since everything has blown over? Has he apologized? He shouldn’t have said that. He just wanted to hurt you and that was the one thing that probably came into his head, but that isn’t okay, especially if he was the only one you trusted enough to tell.”

“I know. I keep meaning to talk to him, but we’ve been really good lately and I don’t want to, want to, fuck anything up.”

“All the more reason to do it now. If you two are really tight right now, he’ll probably listen to how shitty he made you feel, and feel really bad about it.” Billy was nodding along to what Steve was saying. “And, you know if you ever need to talk about shit, we’re here for you, and you know, probably understand you more.”

“Or if you just want someone to teach the little poser a lesson-”

“I think I’ll just talk to him, but, uh, thanks?” Billy grinned. Steve leaned back into him, pulling Billy’s left arm around his chest to pull him in more. “Um, Steve, do you think I could-I mean, would it be okay to ask you what, um, all this is.” Steve’s face fell immediately, and he shrank back more into Billy. “You don’t have to! I just, it kinda freaked me out to see you like that. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.”

“No, it’s okay. I can’t-I can’t talk about it too much right now, I’m still a little” he looked at Billy “fragile, I guess. But, well. What do you want to know?”

“Nothing you don’t want to talk about, or, or feel okay telling me but, I mean, why go for the hair?”

Steve shifted some more. It looked as though he was trying to disappear into Billy.

“You know about the Russians? The ones under Starcourt?”

“Yeah, Billy filled me in a little. Just generally what, what happened to you.”

Steve sighed.

“Well, for some fuckin’ reason, the general that was, in charge of us, he, uh, he really liked pulling at my hair. He would just grab it and move my head around, or-or use it to hold me steadily while they, um, while they hit me and-when I woke up I couldn’t think. I just, I wanted it gone.”

Billy’s face was white as a sheet. He looked like someone had pulled the entire floor out from under him.

“Steve, why the fuck didn’t you tell me? I thought you-you used to love when I played with your hair. I would’ve stopped.” He looked disgusted with himself at the idea of contributing to Steve’s pain in any way.

“I thought that-I don’t know. Maybe it would go away? That I would like it again?”

Billy looked like he could cry. A level of hurt and remorse and apology Will had never seen him exhibit.

“Jesus, Stevie. You need to tell me when you feel shit like that. You know all of my shit and triggers and whatever.”

“I know,” Steve buried his face back into Billy’s chest, curling his body inwards again. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, you know me though. You know I don’t like-”

“Having a weakness?” Billy seemed sardonic. Steve’s head shot up to glare at Billy in the eye.

“That is not what I was going to say and you know it. I was going to say that you know I don’t like being vulnerable and I’m sorry and I’m working on it. But this was, I didn’t even realize what I had done until Will walked in.”

A look of pure horror came over Steve’s face.

“How the fuck am I supposed to hide this from the rest of The Party tomorrow? Dustin is gonna ask so many questions I do not have the answers for.” Billy chuckled lightly, all tension that may have been building between them melting away. They snuggled even closer and Will’s heart turned to a big pile of mush.

“Just stay in bed tomorrow. I’ll tell the nerds you’re sick. Plus, you always ass out for about 18 hours after a panic attack anyway.” Steve rolled his eyes.

“Will, do you think you could maybe, not tell anyone about this? I’m gonna have to come up with a cover story and everything.”

“I already promised Billy I wouldn’t. But, you know how you said I could always talk to you two? Well, the same goes for you. We all really love you, Steve. And maybe we don’t understand exactly what you’re going through, we just, we want to be here for you. We are here for you.” Steve’s eyes went even bigger and all watery when Will spoke.

“That, that really means a lot to me. I love you shitbirds. I hope you all know that.”

“We do,” Will said quickly. He doesn’t think he could watch Steve cry anymore tonight. Or maybe ever. “We know that.” Steve gave him a watery smile, looking at Billy’s watch.

“I think it’s time for sleep. I need a soft bed and a big man. Now.” Billy rolled his eyes, but picked Steve up as if he weighed nothing.

“Go to bed, Baby Byers.” He knocked Steve’s foot into Will as he went past.

“Thanks, Will.” Steve’s voice was soft as Billy brought them back into the bedroom.

Will went downstairs as quietly as possible, settling back into his little makeshift bed.

“Hey, you okay?”

And of course it was Mike, whispering to him from his own little spot.

“Yeah. I’m good. Let’s talk in the morning.” And Mike smiled at him, and gave him a little wave, and flopped back onto his pillow.

#ummmm #heres some steve angst bc im on breakdown number 3 #this has been in my wips for months so here it is #im sorry if its all over the place my brain isnt really real today #some original content from em for once in my life :)#yikes writes #steve harrington #billy hargrove #steve harrington x billy hargrove #billy hargrove x steve harrington #harringrove #harringrove fic #harringrove ficlet #harringrove drabble

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sanktagenyas · 3 years

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alrighty so i guess coherent thoughts about this book might be a very generous estimate of what i’m about to write here but i’ll write down my thoughts anyway ‘cause i wanna share and possibly hear yours like for real interactions with my posts are not just welcomed they’re encouraged.

ok so to start our protagonists are alina and mal and our antagonist is the darkling and i pretty much related to alina right away because i love a hero with insecurities and doubts, i love an underdog so of course i was always meant to fall in love with alina starkov on sight. now the darkling... should be that i and everyone else would be beyond tired of the dark, tall, handsome and mysterious/scary men in fiction especially when they whisk our hero away for even more mysterious and/or nefarious purposes that they leave them completely in the dark about BUT the charisma fucking jump off of the pages i don’t know what else to tell you. and i am deeply intrigued about him and his backstory and also him and how he feels about our protagonist because when you catch the attention of a centuries old immortal being that says something about you but it says more about said immortal imo.

we come to learn that the darkling is beyond ruthless and yet he still a capacity for love after all this time even if it’s quite out of use to say the least. and just the fact that out of the thousands of people who have crossed his path there’s this one girl he saw and he was like well look at that someone who’s not unremarkable for once. and i know that’s not exactly a romantic sentiment but that’s how it starts, folks.

but anyway to cap my little ramble here despite the fact that i’ve seen that kind of villain before i do still really love the darkling. i like that we don’t have all the facts yet about what led him to become who he is so there’s just the right amount of mystery around him to keep you wanting to discover more and he is just human enough that he is not this caricature monstrous villainous figure (alina would beg to differ but i don’t listen to what alina yells at people when she’s angry)

now onto mal. i’m trying to word this in a way that doesn’t make me come off as a raging anti because the truth is that would require me to be invested in mal enough to hate him and as of now i’m just not. with book one being told entirely in alina’s perspective it’s pretty in your face that we should care about mal. our hero loves him and we want her to be happy, right? plus we really shouldn’t ship her with the villain there are so many wrong aspects about that dynamic just to name one aspect the deceit and the lies. the foundation of darklina is so fucked we should not ship it, right? well see that’s where i would argue that my biggest issue with darklina as a ship is the darkling in the final act all but saying fuck alina’s agency i’m going to make her my puppet for eternity not because that is necessary to accomplish my plan but because i’m jealous and resentful that she left me behind and didn’t embrace my plans for ravka and therefore embrace me.

and you might think wait i’ve lost the plot we were talking about mal and now we’re talking about darklina and the darkling but rewind back a little i said my issue with darklina in the final act of the book is the darkling pissing all over alina’s agency. and he might do that in more extreme ways than mal but mal certainly does seem to view alina as property at times and that implies him not respecting her agency. i could point to the fact that saying “don’t tell me we don’t belong together” is only framed as romantic statement because it comes out of the mouth of one of our protagonists and not our antagonist but that’s a cheap shot, it’s easy. instead i’ll echo my thoughts i shared about that malina reunion in chapter fourteen. mal was not one bit concerned about alina there and even though he says later on that not one hour was spent not thinking about her and wondering about her wellbeing all that flies out of the window the second he sees her with the darkling during the fete and here’s the thing if he had caught them mid makeout session i could understand him letting jealousy completely overtake him to the point that he doesn’t ask if she’s ok or how she’s been treated here and just assumes based on appearances (let’s not forget before she unlocked her powers alina was well and truly miserable regardless of the luxury afforded to her by her new grisha status so appearances don’t mean shit malyen) that she must be hunky dory and then tiptoes the line around slutshaming her but definitely crosses the line over into making her feel like shit for circumstances beyond her control territory and all that over seeing her do magic trickery at a party with another guy.

alina is allowed to be attracted to another man, she’s allowed to have feelings for another man. they’re both guilty of miscommunication as they obviously both feel the same way about each other but alina has the decency to keep her jealousy to herself and not have outbursts about mal getting close to other girls like she owns his ass or something. that put me off and then i was hoping there would be a talk that would clarify things and he would apologize and that happened but it also came with the revelation that mal was upset to see her happy with the darkling. so he’d rather see the woman he loves miserable and alone rather than happy and belonging? and that’s the romantic lead i’m meant to be fawning over? i’m just not seeing it right now and that’s why even as he so generously offers her absolution (idk if you can read my sarcasm but just to be clear it’s sarcasm) for having loved the darkling and tells her he loves all of her even the part that loved the darkling i’m like..... i don’t believe you boy.

i guess in summary my thoughts about mal as a love interest is i need some consistency you cannot have him throw a jealous fit over seeing alina standing with another man (that’s literally all they were doing for real) and looking happy about it and then have him be like i don’t care i love you anyway. you cannot have him act as though he owns alina and in the same breath throw in her face that the darkling owns her (i hate this foreshadowing thank you very much) and you cannot have him get cold or angry at so much of a mention of a life she might have that doesn’t include him and then expect me to believe he’s made peace with her having feelings for more than just him. he’s not even able to accept a scenario where she goes off and does shit that doesn’t involve him as he shows no interest in her life in the little palace for the longest time. meanwhile you can literally read all about alina wondering what happened to him and what he went through trying to get to her. and for the love of saints i would love it if alina would stop acting like she needs to be forgiven for these feelings i absolutely get that she feels conned and ashamed about it but you do not need to ask anyone for absolution for falling someone who made you feel seen for the first time in your life. fuck that noise.

i just know trust issues are gonna arise and i know he doesn’t feel that way truly. if alina turned around and at some point decided to show mercy to the darkling mal wouldn’t understand or accept it and i’d fully expect a guilt trip to ensue.

now that’s my thoughts on mal as a romantic lead and that’s about the biggest aspect of him we’re focusing on but i do think he is a brave man who genuinely cared for his friends and genuinely cares for alina as that whole journey to hunt morozova’s herd definitely proved. he loves her i don’t doubt that but one grand gesture doesn’t excuse the way he treats her earlier in the books is my point and as been pointed out by others i don’t like how much alina relies on him even when he isn’t here. her refusal to let go of him was directly affecting her happiness and overall health as she couldn’t come into her powers before she thought he was lost to her. if i’m not liking who the hero becomes when she’s with the love interest it’s a big indicator i’m not gonna love said love interest as much as i’m clearly expected to by the author. i like mal just fine, he’s not without redeeming qualities, i just don’t love him yet and i may never do and that’s ok.

now i wanna take a moment and a couple sentences (it won’t be a novel i swear, pinky promise!) to talk about the twist that i should have seen coming miles away and i already know once my sister watches the show or reads the book whatever comes first i will be mercilessly teased about not seeing it coming. but when i found out the black heretic and the darkling are one of the same my jaw dropped. as memers might say i took that personally. and even though we have a lot of grounds to covers still and unanswered questions such as is the darkling still alive? if he is what is he up to now? is baghra dead in a ditch somewhere or worse? will alina and genya ever see each other again? why was zoya so standoffish and violent with alina, what’s her story? the question in my mind most prominent is what happened to the darkling? what happened for him to become who he is. i love the quote monsters are not born they’re made and i much prefer to see a villain who wasn’t always one than one who is just evil for the evulz. so i want a backstory and i also wanna learn about baghra while we’re at it.

it’s all fun and well for her to denounce her son’s actions but and i hate to break it to her but YOU RAISED HIM LADY. so yeah baghra’s whole speech to alina is missing parts for sure because she’s not just gonna admit her hands are covered in blood as much as the darkling’s are. not without some pressing at least.

sooo to cap off all this i guess i would have just two throwaway remarks and that is that i am getting a lot of gay vibes from alina and if i took a shot every time she remarks on genya’s beauty or just gushes about genya in general i’d be drunk by now and i hope we get an actual queer romance somewhere in these books even just between side characters. second remark would be ivan i’m waiting for you to find some redeeming qualities my dude, i was rooting for you! at first he is a raging dickhead about it but seemed to mellow some and then near the end it’s right back to square one and i am really sorry about his brothers dying but having lost family members is not actually a get out of jail free card that gives you free range to mistreat people just because you can.

#shadow and bone #shadow and bone book spoilers #i'm not putting anti malina tags on here because i'm not interested in engaging in disc-horse #that's why i'm also not tagging characters or ships but if it wasn't clear i am darklina trash yes hello #this is a) a mess and b) far too long but it's what it says on the tin aka my incoherent garbage thoughts

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a-portable-snack · 4 years

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Kaidam, Kai is dragged to a party and he hate it but then he know a handsome guy who make him change his mind

Is this loosely based off frat parties at my school? No, it’s heavily based off frat parties at my school.

Fifteen Minutes

Kai laid on Adam’s bed watching the ceiling as him and Mira get ready for the party. They were all seniors in college and none of them really went to frat parties. Not because they were never invited. If you’re friends with Adam, you can’t NOT get invited everywhere. Mainly because they didn’t want to go. But now they were seniors with great GPAs, easy senior classes, and finally sometime to actually go little crazy. Or at least Mira and Adam can.

“Guys, I’m taking fucking Thermodynamics. I don’t understand a thing and I really should stay and study” Kai waved his brick of a textbook to make a point.

“Oh come on!” Adam stepped out of the bathroom. Kai turned to look at him and honestly stopped functioning for a second. He just had a simple short sleeved button up with jeans on. He had little bit of make up on it wasn’t noticeable but his skin was evener and his eyes looked bigger. But he was PRETTY.

That’s the thing about Adam Kai decided along time ago. Adam wasn’t hot or cute. Those words just didn’t describe him. Adam was simply pretty. Pretty enough to make Kai not realize he wasn’t paying attention to the words coming out of Adam’s mouth.

“Say that again? I can’t seem to process anything that isn’t code thanks to Ross.” Kai said.

“That is exactly my point! You’ve been working so hard for three years. It’s time to loosen up little” Adam did that dumb shimmy he does and Kai just snorted out a laugh.

“I’m sorry I can’t. I’m a fucking Robotic and Mechatronic Engineer, I’m…”

“Practically double majoring because your major is a fancy combination of mechanical and electrical engineering” Adam said with smirk. “I’ve heard the rant once or twice.”

Kai could tell that Adam wasn’t going to back down about Kai going to the party. And Kai knew that he couldn’t say no to Adam. And Adam probably knows that Kai can’t say no to him. Hence, Adam’s knowing smirk as they had a stand off, both waiting for Kai to break.

“Ugh! Fine!”

“Perfect!” Mira came out, as if she planned for Adam to convince Kai to come. “I’m dressing you up”

“You’re what?” Adam and Kai said together. Kai was not a dress up type. He won an award from the Dean’s office and he accepted the award in jeans. Kai is pretty sure he only owns baseball tees and jeans. Maybe a long sleeve t shirt. Maybe.

“Adam, leave”

“What? Why? This is my room!”

“Because I’m stealing your clothes for Kai and I’m not listening to you tell me what to choose” Mira pushed Adam out with out his keys and closed the door.

“Can I at least have my wallet so I can go buy drinks?” Adam yelled. Mira threw Adam’s wallet at him and quickly closed the door.

“Ok Mira. WHAT THE HELL?”

“It’s fine. He won’t be mad once he sees you.” Mira started to raid Adam’s closet. She didn’t want to just dress Kai like Adam but she also knew she wouldn’t be able to get anywhere with Kai’s closet. So Mira needed to find balance. She saw the perfect pieces and threw them to Kai.

“This over this. Keep your jeans but you’re wearing Adam’s shoes” Mira said. Kai looked at the clothes. He hesitantly put them. It was a tight black long sleeved shirt with a floral short sleeved button up. He didn’t hate it.

“I like it!” Mira said, and pulled out some make up.

“Mira…”

“Nope, you’re getting a little make up. Just for me” She smiled and motioned him to sit down.

“Why are you doing this?” Kai asked as Mira applied foundation.

“I am over you and Adam dancing around each other. You’re both out, you both definitely like each other, I hate feeling like I’m third wheeling when you guys aren’t even dating”

“W-what?”

“Yeah, don’t say anything. You know I’m right” Kai just sat in silence and didn’t fight back. Yes Kai thought Adam was pretty. We discussed this. But Adam’s Adam. He’s the person that Kai relies on when he needs extra hands when building a robot or the person Kai wants to go to after a long day or the person that Kai is willing to drop everything for or… HOLY SHIT KAI LOVES ADAM.

“Did you actually just have a revelation that you loved Adam?” Mira was half pissed half relieved. Like thanks god he finally noticed but HOW DID HE NOT NOTICE?

“I’m sorry! I just… I don’t know! Didn’t look at Adam? I guess” Kai is usually one that is a love at first sight kind of man. If a good looking person so much as gives him a second of attention, Kai is ready to jump off a bridge for them. Most people let him jump. But maybe that’s why Adam is so special. Adam would never ask him to jump alone. Adam would grab him hand and leap with him.

“Didn’t look” Mira said under her breath. She finished Kai makeup and hair with minimal jests. When she was finally done, Kai was shocked. He didn’t look different but he looked better. He felt like he was actually attractive. Maybe he should let Adam and Mira “queer eye” him, as they always say.

“I’m back! I will exchange gin and Faygo for my dorm back.” Adam yelled from the door. Mira looked at Kai with excited eyes and bounded to the door.

“I’ll be taking this, and you will be thanking me” Mira snatched the ingredients to make drinks.

“What do you…” Adam stopped when he saw Kai. Adam let a small smile cover his face. “I see why. You look good”

“It was all Mira. I honestly don’t understand what she did”

“Yup, I am the rock you boys are built on.” Mira said, filling up her reusable water bottle with some gin then topping off with Faygo. “And I can’t believe you got fucking grape Faygo”

“Hey grape Faygo is the best and if you don’t agree, fuck off” Kai said. Adam just sent a small smile. Adam knew Kai likes the grape the best so he didn’t really have a choice in Faygo.

“So when are we leaving?” Kai asked.

“Right now” Mira handed both the boys reusable water bottles. “Ok boys. Say it with me. Be drunk enough…”

“To enjoy the idiots but sober enough not to join” Kai and Adam chanted with Mira.

“Ok, we’re off” Kai actually felt excited. He’s gone to a few small dorm parties but no frat parties. It was the first one of the year and everyone was going to be there. The school that Kai, Mira, and Adam go to is pretty small school with only 3 frat houses. No ever goes to one house because the guys are creepy and away from the other two. The good frats however full of fun guys. The houses are both kinda small but they coordinate parties together so they aren’t competing for the best party. Why have two small parties when you can have one big one?

“HERE WE ARE!” Mira immediately ran in, pulling the boys along. Kai immediately regretted coming. He had no idea how packed this place could get. There were body count restrictions for a reason! And that beer pong table is about to fall, loose screw. Are these stairs safe? There’s no light so you had to step and pray has you went downstairs. HOW ARE THERE MORE PEOPLE DOWN HERE?

The basement was so packed Kai was had to squish his shoulders together to try to keep up with Mira and Adam. Suddenly he was pulled away in the crowd that was dancing, drinking, and singing. Oh no he was getting involved with idiots. He wasn’t even drunk.

“Oh my god who are you?” Vanessa yelled over the music and draped herself over Kai. Kai rolled his eyes. He and Vanessa “went out” (if you want to call it that) and it was not healthy and didn’t end well.

“Vanessa, it’s me Kai.” Kai said. Vanessa pulled back to look him up and down.

“Wow if I had known you could clean up so good, I might not have dumped you” Kai just rolled his eyes. He explicitly remembers breaking it off with her after Mira have an intervention with him. She was manipulative, cheating on him constantly, and was starting to isolate Kai for his friends. It was not good.

“Well, too bad. Literally nothing could convince me to get back together with you”

“Oh come on, Kai” Vanessa grabbed Kai’s hand. “Let’s have some fun tonight. For old times sake.”

Kai was tempted. His friends were gone. It would just be one night and Vanessa is just a force that is hard to ignore. Kai shook his head.

“No, I-I leaving” Kai quickly fought his way out of the crowd and went back up the stairs. He started to look around the first floor for his friends when he heard something.

“Kai!” Kai turned to sound of his name saw Skeet, one of Adam’s friends. Oh great.

“If you’re here, Adam can’t be too far away!” Skeet looked over Kai, looking for Adam. Kai tried not to roll his eyes.

“I lost him awhile ago. You might find him around” Kai said, “And if you do, can-“

“Great! Is he still single? I’ve been thinking about asking him out. The dude is practically perfect”

Kai suddenly couldn’t breath. He shouldn’t have come. People never seem to actually care about him, he’s overloaded with work, and if he has to be alone, he rather it be somewhere that people can’t bother him.

Without saying anything Kai left the house as quickly as he could. Once he was outside, he quickly made his way down the street. He shoved his hands in his pockets and fought tears. This was their senior year. It was suppose to be the best year. Kai wanted to make the best of it because he knows Mira and Adam will take off once they graduate. It’s not on purpose but their jobs could take them anywhere. Mira’s animal conversation degree could take her all the way to India and Adam’s said he’d go to any law school that’ll take him, even in Alaska. And Kai just wanted one more year where they were all together.

“KAI!”

Kai turned and saw Adam sprinting down the side walk.

“Dude! There you are. I’ve been look all over for you” Adam slowed to a walk as he got close. When he noticed Kai was almost in tears, he closed the gap between them quickly.

“What happened? Did someone do something? I’m going to kick their ass” Adam almost seemed ready to go back to the party and destroy everyone until he figured out who hurt Kai. Kai grabbed Adam’s wrist and breathed out a laugh.

“Its fine. I… I just lost you guys than I ran into Vanessa then Skeet was looking for you and I just got overwhelmed. I’m just going to head back.” Kai gave Adam small smile and went to leave.

“15 minutes” Adam said. Kai turned around and gave him a weird look.

“Mira and I found a good spot. If you give me 15 minutes and still want to go home, I’ll walk you home myself” Kai wanted to say no. He wanted to go home. But it was Adam. And it was only 15 minutes. So Kai nodded an ok.

Adam laced his hand into Kai’s and pulled him back to the house. They went threw the front door and to the basement. Adam pulled Kai in front of him and wrapped a strong arm around his hip and pulled him close.

“I’m not losing you again.” Adam whispered into his ear. Kai was hoped Adam didn’t see the strong blush that crawled across his face and to his ears. Adam pushed Kai threw the crowd Kai kept his head down, hoping not to see Vanessa again. Adam lead him to a set of stair that Kai didn’t see when he was down here the first time. Adam guided him up the stairs and opened the door. It lead to the backyard of the house.

It was a really relaxed atmosphere compared to inside where everyone just seemed to be going has hard as possible. There were two picnic table, one with a beer pong game going, the other acting seats for the few people out here. There was also a keg toss competition going on and some people sitting on the ground smoking.

“Kai!” Mira jumped off the table and ran over. “There you are. Did you get lost in the crowd?”

“Something like that” Kai rubbed his neck.

“Come on” Adam pulled Kai to the picnic table. Adam sat on top of the and pulled Kai so he sat in-between his knees. Adam then slung a protective arm over Kai’s shoulder. At first Kai was really stiff but he quickly relaxed into he touch. They all started cheering for the beer pong game, Kai doing fake intense sports commentary that had everyone laughing. Eventually, Mira convinced Adam to do the Keg toss, to which Adam set a new frat record for.

Kai ended up staying way passed the 15 minutes. He stopped watching the clock after 5. He didn’t realize how late it was until one of the frat guys came to the backyard.

“Sorry guys but it’s like 3 am and we need to shut it down. Hope you had fun tho!” He said and escorted everyone that was in the backyard through the now empty basement to the first floor where people were filing out.

“So,” Adam carefully placed an arm over Kai’s shoulders “Are you happy you stayed?”

Kai, in moment of bravery, kissed Adam’s cheek. “Yes, I am”

#the hollow netflix #the hollow season 2 #the hollow adam #the hollow kai #the hollow mira #Kaidam #the hollow vanessa #the hollow skeet #the snack writes

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frighthouseofalighthouse · 3 years

Note

I'm gonna do it. I'll take all the history asks for 500, Alex!

OKAy. I may have to reblog and do an add-on, because I will almost certainly go over the 250 paragraph limit. ALSO NICE JEOPARDY REFERNCE. Okay, ready? Go.

1: Historical role model?

We could all stand to be more like Julie D'Aubigny.

2: Favorite underrated historical figure?

See above.

3: Funniest historical kerfuffle?

In 1774 Boston's Committee of Safety (John and Samuel Adams as well as Joseph Warren and PaulRevere were on it) was made up almost entirely of patriots, except for one man: Daniel Leonard. They couldn't decide anything important with him around so they would have a fake meeting and then be like OKAY IT'S AUGUST WE'RE HOT AND TIRED, LET'S GO HOME, and then after he'd left they'd lock themselves in a room and have their REAL, TREASONOUS MEETING. Reading about this is objectively one of the funniest things I have ever heard. It's literally the beack house episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine where they have a fake party for Captain Holt.

4: Favorite conspiracy theory revolving around history?

Whatever the fuck the real story of the X FIles was (I've watched the whole thing multiple times and I still don't know what exactly what the point was. DOn't get me wrong I love it. It just makes no sense.)

5: Favorite political scandal to examine?

The XYZ Affair because I was there for it all and it's...a lot

6: Opinion on the presidential assassinations and their impact on America?

I answered this in depth last time I got that question and you can read my response here.

7: Which time period would you like to live in?

Either take me back to the revolution or put me in Victorian England (BARRING MEDICAL NONSENSE AND SOCIAL BARRIERS)

6 (again?!): Favorite historical fiction book?

See the assassination link!

8: Favorite tv show based on historical events, but not really faithful to real life?

Top choices are Outlander, TURN: Washington's Spies, Black Sails, and Ripper Street.

9: Favorite musical based on history?

*sarcasm* Definitely NOT Hamilton whaaaaaaat why would you even assume that?! Ahem. Also Les Mis is cool I guess.

10: Favorite movie based on history?

Wonder Woman!!!

11: Favorite biography?

The Swamp Fox by John Oller

12: If you could prevent one tragedy, which would you choose?

The Trump Administration.

13: Fun fact?

MLK and Anne Frank were born in the same year.

14: Favorite female monarch?

Cleopatra or Mary Queen of Scots.

15: Favorite war leader?

I'm biased but George Washington.

16: Favorite controversial leader?

Winston Churchill

17: Favorite feminist pioneer?

J U L I E D ' A U B I G N Y. Also Mary Read and ANne Bonney my queer pirate gals

18: Which president, in your opinion, was the best speaker?

No contest, Abraham Lincoln.

19: If you would travel back in time and kill anyone, who would it be?

Listen I’m not a fan of these questions when people are like “I’d kill Hitler” etc. bc butterfly effect, BUT The British officer who shot John Laurens can CATCH THESE MF HANDS

20: Opinion on each of the founding fathers?

Oh boy. This is an interesting question at this point in time because I am currently grappling with the fact that the people I worked with did not really believe in equality for all, and the system we built was designed to reflect this. However, it is a system that I believed in and put my everything towards so I have many conflicted feelings toward it rn. Anyway here's the low-down on the major ones. GEORGE WASHINGTON: Good guy, needed to loosen up and not be a slaveholder. JOHN ADAMS: old stinky man. Called me mushroom excrement once. Put him back in the swamp from whence he came. THOMAS JEFFERSON: Rapist. Slaveholder. Really stuffy. Founded an entire political party for People Who Don't Like Hamilton. Fuck him foreverrrr. JAMES MADISON: Friendly with me but betrayed me when Jefferson came back from France. 2/10, cute but do not trust him with your secrets or coffee order. JAMES MONROE: A teenager during the war and I barely ever saw him after that but he was fine ig. ALEXANDER HAMILTON: that me! Made mistakes but all around a cool(tm) guy. BENJAMIN FRANKLIN: fresh funky and really funny. Cooler than you'd expect an old man with gout to be.

21: Which leader do you think would make the best spouse?

No leaders are good spouses bc superiority complex.

22: Most pointless war in your opinion?

All. But King Phillip's War was especially whack.

23: John Wilkes Booth - crazy or crazy with a cause?

I mean of course he had a cause, but it was a bad one and having a cause doesn't make him less crazy. He was...really yikes.

24: Why do you think Lee Harvey Oswald killed JFK and did he act alone?

Most certainly did not act alone. But I feel based on timeline of events and maps of the area that either he was paid off either by our own government or the Soviets, or one of the two set him up as a patsy. Then Jack Ruby was paid to cover up the tracks.

25: Opinion on assassinations of leaders in general?

Same as killing anyone else, I guess, murder is bad, and I don't think that's really the route that should be taken to remove dangerous parties from power. But in some cases it may be the only way of removing them, and, well, that is what it is.

26: Do you think we're going to repeat history because we haven't learned from it?

Always. It is constantly happening. There is nothing new.

27: Have you ever been teased for being a history nerd?

hahahahahahahahaha yeah. Ever since first grade.

28: Which historical figure do you think has been subject to the most fictionalization and elevated to a godlike status nowadays?

Due to the musical, Alexander Hamilton (me.) People need to realize that I wasn't perfect but also not evil. Just human.

29: Rant about your favorite topic?

See the other part of my Lincoln Assassination rant here

30: Favorite kids/teens history books?

The Dear America series and the Liberty's Kids novelizations are WHERE ITS AT.

31: How was your interest in history started?

I don't even know exactly when or how anymore. My mom's a book nerd and an archaeology/anthropology major, so I grew up in a house chock full of books, including history books. I've loved it ever since I could read, honestly.

32: Do you know a history professor?

I do not!

33: How did your favorite history teacher structure their class?

I was homeschooled so it was my mom. She made sure we covered every period, but other than that just let me pick out what interested me and what I wanted to read and explore. She read a ton of big historical books right alongside me and we'd discuss as we read. We still do this!

AND THAT'S THE HALFWAY POINT OF THESE. I HAVE TO GET READY FOR AN OVERNIGHT SHIFT AT WORK SOON SO I WILL LEAVE THIS HERE FOR NOW AND REBLOG WITH THE REST OF THEM UPDATED TOMORROW. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

#a series of essays anonymously published #history asks

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thewalkingfanfictions · 4 years

Text

Scarrs and Kisses and Lemon-Scented Skin -- Draco Malfoy x Harry Potter

Drarry Lime Thing — Draco Malfoy x Harry Potter (post Battle of Hogwarts)

Description: Draco finds Harry hiding in the quidditch locker room and finally decides to act on the feelings he's been hiding since the two first met. Light lime ensues.

⚠Warning⚠: kinda-sorta suggestion to past abuse and self harm, two repressed queers making out in a locker room like a couple horny teens, there's probably a curse or two. Spelling/grammar errors.

Genre: Lime. Pure, gay, angsty lime.

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Harry Potter (post Battle of Hogwarts)

A/N: I wrote this forever ago with the intent of writing an actual beginning to it, but obviously I never did that cause I'm a lazy bitch, so enjoy that weird ass beginning. This is set post war, and imagine that that one scene in the last movie (that was cut for some goat-fucking reason) (this scene) actually happened. Have fun with my sin, children.

Word count without A/N: 2492

Masterlist

<—————————————>

— So that's why, as he loped down the walk towards who-knows-where, Draco jumped slightly at the sound of the two's voices. He would not be exposed to that conversation again.

Making a quick about-turn, Draco sprinted down a different path, one that brought him closer to the quidditch quart than he would like to have been, the place didn't exactly hold happy memories for the boy. But, the two witches were still behind him, and coming closer every moment he waited.

And so, as a last ditch effort to avoid a confrontation with the two, Draco ran straight towards the closest changing rooms he could see. He didn't realize until a moment later that it was not only not the Slytherin rooms, but, infact, the Gryffindor ones instead.

And he wasn't alone.

"Merlin..." Draco whispered, gazing heavily at the back of one shirtless Harry Potter. His shoulders, rippling with gentle muscle, seemed even thinner in the murky light of the room, smaller, and weaker, and more attractive than the Chosen One should ever be. Continuing his silent gawking (as Harry had yet to notice his rivals presence) Draco began to notice more things about the boys body that would elseways be ignored.

How the skin hugged his ribs a little too tightly for his liking, how the muscles at the base of his spine rippled deliciously with every small movement. And, on a more disturbing note, the criss-crossing of thin scars that covered his entire back. Ones ranging between thin, sharp-edged lines, to thicker ones with pinkish discoloration, that still looked as though they might hurt even now that they were only scar tissue.

The sight caused an uncomfortable twist in Draco's heart, one that hurt him to the point that he thought he would rather have spoken to the witches.

But not quite.

"Merlin," he mumbled again, this time unintentionally louder, loud enough to warn the scarred boy of someone else's presence.

Twisting quickly around, wand now in hand, Harry Potter aimed the weapon at the intruder. Quickly realizing that it was the boy he dubbed to be his enemy, Harry began to prepare a spell in his head.

He didn't want to hurt Draco as he had before, with the spell he didn't know in the bathrooms, he hadn't meant to hurt him that badly then, either. In all honesty, he didn't want to hurt the ex-death eater at all. He had shown his reluctance to be on the side he was on during the war with the things he had done to help Harry, as small as they seemed to be.

When he witnessed Harry and the others being drug into his Manor, injured, bleeding, and hexed, he hadn't told the truth of who Harry was. He could have easily gotten the boy killed then and there, but he didn't, he helped him stay alive so that he could escape later, and save the wizarding world from that genocidal maniac. He ran back to Harry when he saw that he had not died as they all thought during the Battle of Hogwarts. He spoke of how he was forced into becoming a Death Eater by his father and He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, and had never intended on going against Harry Potter and the rest of the wizarding world at all.

But he was here now, and Harry knew that he had seen the things that Harry had successfully kept hidden all of his school career. The scars that layered the boys back had stories, stories that he would rather not think about, let alone let anyone else learn about.

Coming back to reality now, Harry came to a realization.

Draco hadn't even moved to reach for his wand, hadn't even tried. And his face, his face didn't hold the mask of anger and a sneer as it nearly always did. Now it only held sincerity, a look that seemed so foreign on the boy, it almost seemed unreal. His sharp, pale features were dimmed down to a gentle visual caress, and his body seemed so much less tense than it usually was.

He actually seemed... gentle, for once...

Slowly, Harry began to lower his wand, though he still kept it held tightly in his hand. Making an effort to harden his features, the boy with the scar that everyone in the wizarding world knew about, and the many that nobody knew of, spoke, his voice uncharacteristically broken and vulnerable.

"What do you want Malfoy. Didn't you know that it's considered rude to walk in on someone when they're changing? I ought to hex you right now actually."

Though his voice held no real threat in it, Draco was still slightly fearful. The boy knew that he was already walking on thin ice with the ministry, and the school. One more fight –especially one with the boy he had been accused of trying to kill– would surely get him kicked from Hogwarts forever. Possibly even thrown in Azkaban with his father, a shiver ran down his spine at that thought. If he ever had to see that man again, it would be to soon.

But the look in the dark haired boys eyes, it was enough to make him want to brave the hell that the wizarding prison would be, if only it meant that he could reverse all of the pain that the smaller boy had been forced to endure through all of his short life. The vulnerability in his eyes, it made Draco wish to do nothing less than hold the boy in his arms and tell him that everything would be okay.

Of course, as much as he hated it, he was still bred and born a Malfoy, and Malfoys didn't do things like that. So he did nothing but hold up his hands in surrender and show a small, and what he hopped was a reassuring, smile.

"Hey there, Potter, you know you don't want to do that. And I mean you no harm, of course. No, I was simply trying to avoid a pair of banshees, and stumbled into here for refuge. Its not my fault that you're still here, didn't practice end two hours ago?" The boy internally chuckled at his jab at one of Harry's best friends, and her girlfriend.

It had, Harry knew, ended a good two and a half hours ago. However, Dean had stayed behind for a rather long time to converse with Harry, and he hadn't wanted to change infront of him, as he hadn't wanted the scars on his back to be known about by anyone other than their creator, and their wearer. Of course, that was over with now, as now his rival had seen them. At that thought, Harry reached behind him to grab for his shirt that lay just behind him, and attempted to pull it over his head with only one arm, the other still clutching onto his wand like a lifeline.

Still struggling to find the hole that his head was supposed to fit through, he heard a small chuckle from the other side of the room, echoing around the space of the building almost menacingly. An awful blush suddenly crept up Harry's neck. Oh, how miserable.

Without warning, a pair of cold fingers were suddenly against the skin of his abdomen, following the waistline of his shirt and helping to tug it down for Harry, who, immediately at the contact, became a blushing statue. Arms still thrown akimbo over his head, Harry held perfectly still as the boy he had nearly killed only a year back helped him dress after seeing him nearly half naked.

Finally, several struggling moments later, Harry's messy hair popped from the neck hole of the shirt, shortly followed by the rest of the boys head.

His face, much to Dracos delight, was flushed heavily, but seemed almost contented.

Standing this close to Harry, close enough to see the details on the boys face that otherwise he would never be able to see, Draco couldn't bear to make himself move. His hands still sat on Harry's waist, where he had just helped pull the rest of his shirt down to cover the scars that he was obviously ashamed of.

Their bodies, now close enough to touch, both began to heat up slightly, both boys hearts began to pound at an unnaturally heavy pace, but neither one looked away from the others eyes, and neither boy pushed the other away.

A small, content smile came across Draco's face as he looked into the others, his eyes were much greener than he had thought, almost the same color as the jade stones that speckled the ground all across the campus, but, there was something else, too. As much as it fascinated him, Draco noticed more than just the color of his orbs. It was the haunted look that lurked beneath them, that hovered just under the surface. The lines around his eyes that only came from years of having them clenched closed in fear, the thickness of the eyelashes that bordered the eyes he now realized that he loved, the smile and the frown lines that tugged at the corners of the ovals of his eyes. And all of it seemed so perfect when on the boy that hid behind them.

Draco could feel his hold on the boys waist become tighter as if by its own accord, pulling Harry's abdomen closer to his own than it had been before; and Harry couldn't find the strength to push him away, however much he knew he should. He found the grey-ish light that emanated directly from Draco's eyes to be a magnet that he couldn't escape from. His grip loosened on the wand that he still held in his hand, the 'click-click' of it hitting the ground at the duos feet barely heard through their little hypnosis.

Harry knew it wasn't right, being this close to the boy that had been dubbed his enemy since the very beginning, but the feeling if being held in the taller boys arms was almost addictive, and the look in his eyes was so gentle, so inviting, so unlike anything he had seen it as before. Harry found himself wanting to trust the Ex-Death Eater, and allowed himself to be pulled closer to the boys chest, craving the warmth that Harry never knew Draco could emit.

When Harry brought his hands up to rest on the others chest, Draco had, at first, been slightly afraid that Harry was going to push him away. Make him leave when all Draco wanted to do was get closer. Unable to help himself as an almost possessive feeling took over him, Draco found himself winding his arms entirely around Harry, instead of just letting his hands stay on the smaller boys waist, pulling him closer until their bodies were held flush up against each other, Harry's hands still settled on the muscle that flexed just under Draco's button-down dress shirt.

Draco also couldn't help himself as he moved his gaze down to Harry's slightly-parted lips, and inclined his head slightly, as if asking for permission to come closer, Harry happily obliged, tilting his head up at the same time. Their lips, close enough to brush, still didn't quite touch, both boys waiting for the other to make the first move.

Of course it was Draco to be the one that finally did make it, pushing his head down even farther to accommodate for Harry's shorter stature, Draco finally pressed his lips to Harry's.

The feeling was incredibly soft, softer than Harry thought Dracos lips might be (not that Harry had ever thought about it... not at all), and more comforting than he thought any feeling invoked by the once-enemy could be. The kiss was sweet, gentle, just oh so nice, Harry found himself pushing his hands up the others chest, and wrapping them around the back of his neck, tugging gently on the hair on the base of Draco's head, earning himself a low groan, and a tighter grip around the formers body. Liking the reaction he received, Harry tried it again, pulling harder on the blond boys hair. This time, Draco practically growled.

Backing Harry up until his back was pressed against the lockers, their kiss got harder, more demanding. Keeping Harry pinned to the locker with his own body, Draco began exploring Harry's body with his fingertips. Licking softly at the crease between Harry's lips, Draco asked for entrance, which was quickly given. Draco didn't even have to fight for dominance as his tongue mapped Harry's mouth, the more submissive boy simply giving in to him without any struggle.

Draco, who's hands had now moved from his waist, to Harry's hip, and neck, groaned again as he felt the smaller boy give a tentative tug to his hair. Reciprocating with a hard, yet not quite painful, bite to Harry's bottom lip, he found himself wanting to continue the sweet torture. The sound Harry made, the soft, keening whimper that drew from his lips had Draco shuddering.

Draco decided right then and there, that he didn't care what happened to him, so long as he got to hear those sweet sounds come from this boys lips; and he got to be the reason they were being made.

Pulling back slightly, Draco savored the new whimper that came from Harry at the loss of contact. Still keeping themselves in the same position, pushed up against each other until it was difficult to tell where one boy ended, and the other began, Draco took in the boys appearance. Lips swollen and red from the intensity of their shared kiss, hair even more mussed than usual, glasses very slightly ascue on his nose. Draco believed that the boy had never looked more attractive.

A small smile came to the blonds lips, and he couldn't be restrained –not that anyone had planned too– as he moved back down to plant his lips on the boys once again.

If the two had died and gone to hell at that exact moment, it wouldn't have mattered. The two, so entranced with each other that they probably wouldn't have noticed if they had died, held each other so closely that there wasn't any room for doubt or regret.

And on Dracos side, anyway, there was none whatsoever. Touching Harry, even being close enough to him to be able to notice the small things as he had this evening, was the happiest moment of his life, he decided. No matter how dramatic that sounded, or how much of a wanker it made him seem like, he was happy. For the first time in more years than he'd care to count, he wasn't so filled with his own self-loathing that it foamed over the brim and left scars on his wrists.

#Harry Potter #draco malfoy #drarry #lime #drarry lime #gay #kissing #cute af #drarry lime thing

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hexlikesramennoodles · 5 years

Note

32 please :)

32. A kiss so passionate, so perfect - that after they part, neither person can open their eyes for a few moments afterwards.

Author’s note: this one got away from me! Writing unnecessarily long fic is my brand, I guess.

“What the hell are you doing?” Steve’s voice demanded.

The bathroom door swung shut behind him with a metallic scream of hinges. In the corner of the mirror, Billy caught sight of him: stalking forwards with his hands bunched at his sides, his hair a ludicrous, flopping bouffant. He was wearing a new sweater: a deep navy blue, luxurious and soft-looking. The Ralph Lauren logo was sewn onto his breast, its stick man arm raised. His mom had bought it for him, Billy guessed. Steve rarely chose any of his clothes himself, and it showed—he always looked awkward, conscious of his body and how you perceived it.

“What’s it look like I’m doing?” Billy zipped his fly, then stepped away from the urinal. He let the faucet run, taking his time on purpose. If Steve was going to come in here and harass him while he answered a call of nature, he could wait until Billy had washed his hands.

“Uh-uh,” Steve said. “Don’t do that. I hate it when you do that.”

“Harrington, I’ve got a date waiting for me, so if you’re gonna—”

“Oh, a date, huh?” Steve’s eyebrows arched high. “A date with Stella, of all people? Since when was she your type?”

“Since yesterday,” answered Billy. “Time is money, Harrington. I’m gonna miss my movie.” He smiled nastily. “Who knows, maybe we’ll get to second base before the credits roll.”

He didn’t doubt it. Stella Delgado was one of those girls whose clinging insecurity was as loud and obvious as the cheap perfume she wore. She was every small town cliché wrapped into one: an alcoholic father who beat her bloody on the regular. An absent mother, dead or eloped with another abusive deadbeat. Three runty, snotnosed siblings under the age of ten of whom she was the unwilling primary caregiver. She looked at Billy the same way Karen Wheeler looked at him: with moist, lip-wobbling hope. Billy imagined that she’d already written the names of their children in her lockable diary, using neat, curlicued handwriting; two of them, a boy and a girl with his hair and her eyes.

Steve stared at him, red-faced and irate. A loose thread dangled from the sleeve of his sweater. Billy was seized by a strong impulse to pull at it. “Why are you doing this?”

“Doing what?”

“Don’t,” Steve was suddenly snarling. He took a step towards Billy, long and darting, then seemed to stop himself. “I hate it when you act like there’s nothing wrong. Like you don’t know exactly what you’re fucking doing. It drives me crazy.”

Good, Billy thought. That loose thread was starting to piss him off; everything about Steve was starting to piss him off.

“This is about Nancy, isn’t it?” Steve went on. “Who told you we were going to the movies? Fucking Carol? I knew it.”

“Don’t flatter yourself,” Billy said venomously. “You think you’re that important, Harrington? Huh? You think I pine for you?”

“Stella’s really nice.” Steve’s voice was deliberately calm, rigid. “You’re gonna break her heart. Does she know you’re g—”

Billy lunged at him. Steve must have been expecting it; he rapidly backpedaled, raising his arms as he did so. “What was that?” Billy said loudly, putting a hand to his ear. “You wanna repeat that for me?”

He hated that he knew which of Steve’s clothes his mom had picked out for him, and which ones Steve had chosen for himself. He hated how looking at Steve made him feel: tight and hot and uncomfortable, as if he was covered in a layer of clay that had set wrong and was starting to buckle at the edges. Brittle, too close to snapping. Most of all, he hated Stella Delgado, and how vulnerable she was. How trusting.

She should know better by now.

“Look, it’s whatever, alright?” Steve said. “Just stay away from Nance. I mean that.”

His sneaker squeaked on tile; in the bathroom mirror, Billy saw him turn to leave. “You think she loves you?” he called.

He shouldn’t have said it, should’ve known when to leave well enough alone, but that required more foresight than he was capable of mustering. It was too gratifying to watch the words land, the impact they had on Steve’s posture: a visible rippling down his spine, as if he’d passed close to an electric current. He was so easy to read. There was a hole in Billy’s chest, a hole with ragged, eroded edges that went all the way through him. The sickly rush of gratification filled it right back up, made him believe—for one brief, terrible moment—that he wasn’t so hollow inside.

“Nance fucked Jonathan Byers,” he said. The faucet was still running, the sound seeming to come from right between his temples. It was thunderous, relentless; the sound caught him, swept him up, and he didn’t know how to make himself stop and so all he could do was keep going, descending towards his inevitable doom. Billy’s mother had been an alcoholic, too; self-destruction was in his blood.

“We’re past that,” Steve said quietly.

Billy licked his lips. “No. I mean—I mean she fucked him again. On Memorial Day. Ask Carol if you don’t believe me. She doesn’t love you. She’s just waiting for something better to come along.” He licked his lips again, then showed Steve his teeth. It felt more like a grimace than a smile. “Looks like she found it—”

But Steve was shaking his head. “Jonathan’s my friend, Billy. Why would he—Christ, do you even hear yourself sometimes?”

“She doesn’t love you,” Billy repeated. “Ask Carol. Ask anybody. Half the town knows by now. You’re the only one who’s not with the program, pretty boy.”

He was paraphrasing what Carol had told him, if only to spare Harrington’s ego. In reality, Carol had drunkenly mimed the story using a popsicle stick and the middle of a jelly doughnut—splat!—laughing while she did it. Her grin had been wide and stupid, her laughter snorting and pig-like. Billy had wanted to throttle her.

“What are you saying?” Steve sounded tired, not outraged. Billy hated that, too. Wheeler made Steve so fucking weak. Billy had been expecting a shove, maybe even a punch. He deserved as much. But no—Steve was good for Nancy, perfect princess Nancy. “It’s Nancy, it always comes back to Nancy. Are you trying to tell me that I’d be better off with you?”

Billy opened his mouth. He had the words, all the bad nasty evil words that he knew would hurt if he decided to unleash them. You think I’m some kind of fucking queer? When Stella had bounded up to him in front of the concessions stand, her mud-colored hair pushed behind her ears and her unremarkable mouth stretched into an even more unremarkable smile, she hadn’t even noticed the lipgloss Billy was wearing. Maybe she’d told herself it was a trick of the fluorescents, that she was seeing things, silly girl. People always see what they wanna see.

“Billy,” Steve said. His voice was much closer. “Do you love me?”

His reflection had become a smudge on the glass of the mirror. It hurt to look at him. It made Billy’s eyes prickle. His hands were frozen around the edge of the sink, the water streaming from the faucet ceaselessly. Its spray wet his face and his eyelashes, but he could hardly feel it.

“Yeah, right,” Steve muttered. “Like you’d even know what that is. People are just disposable to you. Just—”

When his sneaker squeaked again, it was accompanied by the sound of the door reopening. Billy looked up. Steve’s sweater was shrinking, vanishing into the hallway outside, its loose thread fluttering.

They had entered an arrangement based on a mutual understanding of three things. One, that Billy had a cock. He wasn’t like Nancy, or any other girl Steve had been with before her. Two, that he wasn’t soft, delicate, or malleable. He would never fit into whatever Steve’s ideal for a life partner was. He didn’t want to. Three, that Steve didn’t want him, either. Steve liked his body and his face, but he was always telling Billy about the things he didn’t like. Always telling Billy he was too much, too intense.

Fine. Crystal fucking clear. Or so Billy had thought.

“I’m goin’ away for the summer.” Steve was holding the door open with his foot. He always had to have the last word. “With my parents. To Spain, then Portugal. Might visit the grandparents while we’re there. Do some … soul searching. So.”

Billy felt himself blink. “So?”

Steve’s Adam’s apple was a slow roll. He shrugged, and pushed the door wider. He was leaving. Billy watched him go, his hands gripping the sink uselessly. Faucet still splashing, but the sound wasn’t inside his head anymore. It was far off, unimportant. Steve was leaving, and Billy wasn’t doing anything to stop him.

“I’ll miss you,” he blurted.

Steve sighed.

The door slammed shut. Two, three steps: Steve was moving faster than Billy had ever seen him. He yanked Billy by the collar, kissing him with such force it jarred his neck. Billy’s hipbone was crushed against the sharp edge of the sink, but the pain was the sweetest he’d ever felt. Steve kissed him hard enough to make his jaw ache, then soothed the ache with a touch of his fingertips. He kissed the lipgloss from Billy’s mouth and moaned at the taste. He kissed angrily and with teeth, like he had a bone to pick, an itch to scratch. That was nothing new.

“I miss you all the time,” Billy said.

“Shut up,” Steve whispered. “Don’t talk. Everything you ever say—you never mean it—”

“I do. I do. I’m sorry.”

Steve’s fingers were still touching his face. Billy didn’t open his eyes. He could feel Steve there, a closeness that bordered on claustrophobia. His spine was pressed up against the sink, running water soaking the back of his shirt. The stillness, the intimacy of being this close to someone without doing anything about it, was unbearable. Exhilarating.

“God.” Steve exhaled harshly through his teeth; his breath surged over Billy’s face. When Billy willed his eyes open, Steve was standing in front of him, looking like a middle schooler faced with a complicated math problem. His eyes were scrunched shut, and his teeth worried at his lower lip. Billy could see where some of the glitter from the gloss had smeared on him, pink and little-girl pretty. Before he realized what he was doing, he reached across and wiped it off with his thumb.

Steve’s eyes snapped open. He looked at Billy almost wonderingly. “You wanna get out of here?”

What about Nancy? Billy wanted to say. I’m gonna miss my movie, he wanted to say, like a smartass. He wanted to kick and scream and give Steve hell, send him flying straight back into Wheeler’s bony arms. Instead he lowered his head, meek, and let Steve entwine a finger around his pinkie. Stella was better off without him.

They left the bathroom together. Walking past the concession stand and the claw cranes, the squashy chairs where you could sit and watch the trailers for every movie that was coming out for the summer. Steve’s finger stayed curled around his pinkie, because he couldn’t outright take Billy’s hand. Not while they were in public.

By the time they reached the escalators, they were running.

#harringrove #still feeling :/ about having not finished anything for ao3 #writing 2k word drabbles is the only way i can contribute rn #my writing #billy hargrove #steve harrington #inbox #writing prompts

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themoonsbeloved · 5 years

Text

Women like me have been keeping a secret. It’s a secret so shameful that it’s hidden from friends and lovers, so dark that vast amounts of time and money are spent hiding it. It’s not a crime we have committed, it’s a curse: facial hair.

What can be dismissed as trivial is a source of deep anxiety for many women, but that’s what female facial hair is; a series of contradictions. It’s something that’s common yet considered abnormal, natural for one gender and freakish for another. The reality isn’t quite so clearcut. Merran Toerien, who wrote her PhD on the removal of female body hair, explained “biologically the boundary lines on body hair between masculinity and femininity are much more blurred than we make them seem”.

About one in 14 women have hirsutism, a condition where “excessive” hair appears in a male pattern on women’s bodies. But plenty more women who don’t come close to that benchmark of “excessive” still feel deeply uncomfortable about their body hair. If you’re unsure whether your hair growth qualifies as “excessive” for a woman, there’s a measurement tool that some men have developed for you.

In 1961, an endocrinologist named Dr David Ferriman and a graduate student published a study on the “clinical assessment of body hair growth in women”. More specifically, they were interested in terminal hairs (ones that are coarser, darker and at least 0.5cm/0.2 inches in length) rather than the fine vellus hairs. The men looked at 11 body areas on women, rating the hair from zero (no hairs) to four (extensive hairs). The Ferriman-Gallwey scale was born.

It has since been simplified, scoring just nine body areas (upper lip, chin, chest, upper stomach, lower stomach, upper arms, upper legs, upper back and lower back). The total score is then added up – less than eight is considered normal, a score of eight to 15 indicates mild hirsutism and a score greater than 15 moderate or severe hirsutism.

Most women who live with facial hair don’t refer to the Ferriman-Gallwey scale before deciding they have a problem. Since starting to research hirsutism, I’ve received over a hundred emails from women describing their experiences discovering, and living with, facial hair. Their stories loudly echo one another.

Because terminal hairs start to appear on girls around the age of eight, the experiences start young. Alicia, 38, in Indiana wrote, “kids in my class would be like, ‘Haha look at this gorilla!’”, Lara was nicknamed “monkey” by her classmates while Mina in San Diego was called “sasquatch”. For some girls, this bullying (more often by boys) was their first realization that they had facial hair and that the facial hair was somehow “wrong”. Next, came efforts to “fix” themselves.

Génesis, a 24-year-old woman described her first memories of hair removal. “In fourth grade, a boy called me a werewolf when he saw my arm hairs and upper lip hairs … I cried to my mom about it … she bleached my lower legs, my arms, my back, my upper lip and part of my cheeks to diminish my growing sideburns. I remember it itched and burned.”

After those first attempts come many, many more – each with their own investment in time, money and physical pain. The removal doesn’t just make unwanted hair go away, it raises a whole new set of problems, particularly for women of color. Non-white skin is more likely to scar as a result of trying to remove hair.

"Instead of reading or finishing homework on the car drives to school growing up, I would spend the entire length of the drive obsessively plucking and threading my mustache. Every day." – Rona K Akbari, 21, Brooklyn

On average, women with facial hair spend 104 minutes a week managing it, according to a 2006 British study. Two-thirds of the women in the study said they continually check their facial hair in mirrors and three-quarters said they continually check by touching it.

The study found facial hair takes an emotional toll. Forty percent said they felt uncomfortable in social situations, 75% reported clinical levels of anxiety. Overall, they said that they had a good quality of life, but tended to give low scores when it came to their social lives and relationships. All of this pain despite the fact that, for the most part, women’s facial hair is entirely normal.

"If I know I have visible facial hair, I’m much more reserved in social situations. I try to cover it up by placing my hand on my chin or over my mouth. And I’m thinking about it constantly." – Ashley D’Arcy, 26

"Meanwhile, my 95-year-old demented, deaf and blind Italian aunt sits in a nursing home, and whenever I visit, she points to and rubs her chin, which is her way of communicating to take care of the hair situation. That’s how I know she’s still in there and she cares. I hope someone returns the favor in 40 years." – Julia, 54

There are, however, some medical conditions which can cause moderate or severe hirsutism, the most likely of which is polycystic ovary syndrome, or PCOS, which accounts for 72-82% of all cases. PCOS is a hormonal disorder affecting between eight and 20% of women worldwide. There are other causes too, such as idiopathic hyperandrogenemia, a condition where women have excessive levels of male hormones like testosterone, which explains another 6-15% of cases.

But many women who don’t have hirsutism, who don’t have any medical condition whatsoever, consider their hairs “excessive” all the same. And that’s much more likely if you’re a woman of color.

The original Ferriman-Gallwey study, like so much western medical research at the time, produced findings that might not apply to women of color (the averages were based on evaluations of 60 white women). More recent research has suggested that was a big flaw, because race does make a big difference to the chances that a woman will have facial hair.

In 2014, researchers looked at high-resolution photos of 2,895 women’s faces. They found that, on average, the white women had less hair than any other race and Asian women had the most. But ethnicity mattered too – for example, the white Italian women in the study had more hair than the white British women.

"But more than a gender thing, for me my hair was about race/ethnicity. My hairiness really solidified how different I was from my peers. I grew up in the suburbs of Dallas. And although my school was pretty diverse, the dominant beauty norm was to be blonde and white." – Mitra Kaboli, 30, Brooklyn

These numbers might be helpful to women like Melissa who said her facial hair meant “I felt inferior, I was a ‘dirty ethnic’ girl”.

But giving reassurance to ethnic minorities probably isn’t why this research was undertaken. The study was funded by Procter & Gamble, the consumer goods company worth $230bnwhich sells, among other things, razors for women. They know that female hair removal is big business.

Over the years, as women showed more of our bodies – as stockings became sheer and sleeves became short, there was pressure for these new exposed parts to be hairless. Beginning in 1915, advertisements in magazines like Harper’s Bazaar began referring to hair removal for women. Last year, the hair removal industry in the US alone was valued at $990m. The business model only works if we hate our hair and want to remove it or render it invisible with bleach (a norm just as unrealistic as hairlessness – brown women rarely have blonde hair).

When did we sign up to an ideal of female hairlessness? The short answer is: women have hated our facial hair for as long as men have been studying it. In 1575, the Spanish physician Juan Huarte wrote: “Of course, the woman who has much body and facial hair (being of a more hot and dry nature) is also intelligent but disagreeable and argumentative, muscular, ugly, has a deep voice and frequent infertility problems.”

These signposts are strictest when it comes to our faces, and they extend beyond gender to sexuality too. According to Huarte, masculine women, feminine men and homosexuals were originally supposed to be born of the opposite sex. Facial hair is one important way to understand these distinctions between “normal” and “abnormal”, and then police those boundaries.

Scientists have turned their sexist and homophobic expectations of body hair to racist ones, too. After Darwin’s 1871 book Descent of Man was published, male scientists began to obsess over racial hair types as an indication of primitiveness. One study, published in 1893, looked for insanity in 271 white women and found that women who were insane were more likely to have facial hair, resembling those of the “inferior races”.

These aren’t separate ideas because race and gender overlap – black is portrayed in mass media as a masculine race, Asian as feminine. Ashley Reese, 27, wrote “part of my self-consciousness about my facial hair might also tie into some ridiculous internalized racism about black women being less inherently feminine”. While Katherine Parker, 44, wrote, “It makes me feel very confused about my gender.”

Some women are pushing back. Queer women – those who are questioning heterosexual and cisgender norms – are already thinking outside of the framework that shames female facial hair. Melanie, a 28-year-old woman in Chicago explained that as a queer woman “there is less of a prescription for what I should embody as a woman, what attraction between my partner and I looks like, which has helped immensely in coming to terms with my facial hair”.

Social media accounts like hirsute and cute, happy and hairy and activists like Harnaam Kaur are resisting these norms too, by shamelessly sharing images of hairy female bodies. And even women who aren’t rejecting these standards outright, feel deeply ambivalent about them. “I understand, on a rational level, how inherently misogynistic it is to expect women to be constantly ripping hair out of themselves, hair that grows naturally, wrote one woman who, like many I heard from, asked to remain anonymous. “But I can’t bring myself to accept it and let it grow.”

Another wrote: “It’s one thing to be a little heavy, or short, or both. But facial hair? That’s pushing it.”

I’m not about to judge any woman for removing her facial hair. Despite knowing that I don’t need “help”, I still go to see a beauty “therapist” each month. I pay huge sums so she can zap me with a laser that damages my hair follicles. I’ve signed up for a solution, even though I know that the problem doesn’t really exist. I lie there wincing with each shock as she asks me about my weekend and says “Honey, are you sure you don’t want me to do your arms too? They’re very hairy.”

#hirsutism #racism #sexism #misogyny #patriarchy #homophobia #pcos

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incarnateirony · 5 years

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So anyway, life updates on what I’ve talked about good, bad, and vagueblog.

But I introduce you to Betty White, or the Millennium Falcon, name pending.

Most of yall know that I’m on disability, dealing with some massively janky medical issues that Alabama’s bottom-ranked health care system doesn’t even know how to cover, and my wifey blew a disc in her neck at work, essentially debilitating her, too, but also earning a small settlement. In scale of it, 25K -- 21 after lawyer fees -- isn’t really much to do anything with.

So we had already known we had to fix up and sell the house and thought, hey, the land value went up substantially out here, we can pocket and flip it and be hella good.

Until her father finally came out here and in long story short, found out that the inspector that ran through this house when my wife first bought it (during our breakup period YEARS ago) didn’t do his job and it’d be 20-30K worth of repairs to even sell this place at the value her loan is for, meaning we pretty much have to short sell it to get out from under it. I mean bad shit. Fire hazard wiring and rotting roof and siding element under shiny things that hid it that have clearly been deteriorating since long before the house got a lipstick job.

So we went and found an RV, because it’s time to go. We have to GO. We have to get out of this state. There’s nothing for us here. There’s no medical care, there’s no worker protections, being LGBT women we’re extra up a creek in the area, it’s just bad. So RV it was! But finding one in the now suddenly cramped budget with the house turning up bunk entirely was FUN.

But like a stroke of providence I happened to find a listing the day it was upgraded on what has been jokingly referred to by my friends as the Millennium Falcon of RVs.

It came from an older couple, almost 60, that had been RVing for a few years, and the thing was already used when they bought it. It’s a friggin 1994. It’s old, it’s Chonk. But it was a project RV they decided to start on and while it has a solid AF 454 engine in it,

they’ve over a few years put in just about New Everything. New transmission, new air brakes, new air bags, new radiator, new septic lines, new alternator, new battery, new steering and suspension, new new new new new. Modified backup camera that tracks engine temp/tire pressure/etc like modern dashes and stays on constantly instead of just when backing up. It has its little hijinks with the in-n-out stairs being funky and the generator is a funny little bit because they didn’t want to spend 8K+ on a generator for an old RV so they got one that’s an external mount, which I imagine is why it was having a hard time selling.

Atop that inside the wife went bananas and got rid of the shitty old wallpaper and painted it bright colors different on every wall, removed the space consuming fold out couch since they didn’t need an extra bed and installed an armoire-storage-couch-thing that takes up half the outter floor space, stuff like that.

This was their baby and they intended to keep this baby and did great work on this baby, and the second I saw it in the advert, I knew it, because the images weren’t all spit cleaned sales stuff, it was vacation images with their shit still hanging inside it and their party lawn with their sports teams and stuff and the shiny lights they added on it to make it a party bus like

So anyway it turned out they basically got conned into getting a newer shinier one and just wanted to get the fuck OUT of Alabama but because of the generator and age it wasn’t selling at market value which was about 15K even as old as it is, and had price gouged it down to *8500*

Thought it was too good to be true, got our old construction and mechanic friend go out out there and go over it with a fine toothed comb and this thing, as he put it “goddamn if I had the money, I’d buy it myself, what the hell, you ain’t gonna get anything better for that price, hell, you ain’t gonna get anything as good for the price” THEY JUST WANTED TO GET OUT OF ALABAMA. And I mean, MOOD, BIG MOOD.

In fact the money they were asking for was basically to pay off loans and costs on all the New Stuff they put into it to begin with.

Because of them basically gouging their asking price in half an old lady had come to see it same day and at first the husband was like WHOEVER GETS US THE MONEY FIRST but talking to us the wife was like HELL NO THAT OLD LADY COULD BARELY GET IN THE THING SHES JUST GONNA DRIVE IT DOWN TO FLORIDA AND LET IT ROT THIS IS OUR BABY THESE GIRLS NEED TO TAKE CARE OF IT AND THEY WILL and she ran interference through the weekend until our mechanic friend could go check it out.

You might ask “if you have a buttload of money why an RV” but in trying to get out of Alabama and all the way back to Oregon where I literally KNOW I can make it work out in life for us, for reasons that are a whole story unto themselves, the moving costs cross country alone for a uhaul would be expensive AF. Downpayments. Finding pet friendly apartments. And then whether it was portland or somewhere else we could get STUCK. And we’re tired of getting stuck. So we’re packing up our own FUCKING house that we FUCKING own outright that fucking NOBODY can take away from us and with NO payment obligations and FUCK THE SYSTEM.

So anyway this big fuckin honker the wife was like WHY ARE YOU SO COMFORTABLE DRIVING THIS to Shea, but Shea worked for both Uhaul and Hertz so like hauling bigassed trucks around was kinda her thing and she also worked horses so giant ass horse trailers, you name it. So she just got up in there like she belonged and next thing you know we’re doing 65 down the bendy ass mountain freeways of central alabama like we been doing it for years

PS when you are in a literal fucking house 65 feels like 90, I’m just letting you know that now.

We’re still at our house cuz we gotta get this properly under our own tag/insurance and get a tow for the car. It was funny though cuz experienced or not knowing it was OUR LITERAL HOUSE Shea started like GOTTA BE CAREFUL GOTTA BE CAUTIOUS GOTTA MAKE SURE NOBODY DUMB and it turned into GET OUT THE WAY FUCKERS I’LL WIN within the 120 mile haul back home. Like BITCH I’LL TAKE MY FOOT OFF THE GAS BUT I AINT GONNA TRY TO JACK RABBIT STOP THIS FUCKER SO YOU BETTER GET SOME GIDDYUP IF YOU GONNA MERGE YOU FRIGGIN HONDA

This beast only has 65K miles on it. And that sounds like a lot but for an RV that isnt S H I T. People are like, if you can find a used one under 100K you’re doing okay. Half of those miles are just taking it out for a jog because you’re supposed to drive it once every couple weeks to keep it from rusting out basically. They just safely drove it in like a tristateish area down here for a few years as you can see on the cabinet stickers and moved around to sports games and shit and had fun.

The bedroom is purple. The kitchen is blue and yellow. KJSDKJFSjk she was like “Fuck the 1990 floral wallpaper we updating, there’s extra paint in one of the storage bins if you wanna touch any of it up”

So that’s it. We’re gonna do some work with said mechanic friend on the AC and a few tweaky details and as said, gotta tag/insurance/tow but once we get that worked out, that’s it, that’s home starting in a few weeks.

We’re heading to Independence, Missouri first to touch base with my internet momma then swinging in Salt Lake City to meet old media friends like the folks at Arrowstorm and stopping to enjoy their stuff at Evermore Park before hitting Portland which, reasonably, I’ll guestimate we’ll be at like a week or two before Halloween but maybe we’ll make better time. If you’re en route to those destinations and wanna meet up, lemme know, we’re still gonna have fun on the way and try to record shit.

Portland is the city I know how to work to and from the bone. I can turn any quarter into at least a dollar there, quite literally; I know how to eat eight times a day for free if need be. I reasonably think we can stay WELLLLLLLL above the line of needing that kind of assistance but because Shea is very anxiety driven to know we outright have a promised home and have promised food if worst case scenarios happen really made her go, you know what, fuck it, sure, Portland, you loved Portland, the wages are good in Portland, let’s do Portland.

If we start with dry camping at locations with free plug ups even still paying for Shea’s car and insurance, once major gas costs GETTING there are done, we’ll be running about 500 a month, and again, that’s including insurance for both vehicles and paying off her car note. Depending on the lot we land at, 700-900 a month. I can float that on my casual residual income. Everything after that is profit. Everything after that is success. I refuse to let Shea be anything less than Okay, but most of all, weird and nonconformative as it is, everything after this is scales of success. Hell minus the car note we’d be under 600/mo on the pricy end. We got dis.

No more of my wife being convinced she needs to performatively pull loans on her livelihood and shelter for the illusion of a 3/2 middle class life with a picket fence and a job she hates in a place she hates that she doesn’t know how to get away from. Hell, if she ends up hating Oregon? WE CAN PICK UP OUR HOUSE AND MOVE.

QUEER CULTURE IS HAVING THE MILLENNIUM FALCON OF RVS RAINBOW PAINTED INTERNALLY TO HAUL ASS TO PORTLAND OREGON AND AINT SHIT YOU CAN DO TO STOP US, FUCKERS.

It’s literally parked in our yard right now awaiting our voyage.

You bet your ass we’re getting an aux cord and blaring classic rock on surround sound the whole goddamn way

Also gonna get a CB radio to roll with some of the better trucker herds out there. Trust me, solid investment for a multitude of reasons. And entertaining.

If you don’t know what Smokie In The Woods is on a CB radio, you don’t know the road.

It also comes with a lot of gadgets you usually have to buy, like converters for USB chargers in older vehicles and the cable antenna and an extra tent and hell they left two bikes on it like YALL WANT EM YOU CAN HAVE EM, SURE

So buying the RV, paying the friend for the loss of a work day, the necessary gas to get out there, and the tow all in all is gonna run us about 12,000 bucks total, which isn’t a bad deal for bringing your own house with you.

We already burned a few thousand of our settlement trying to fix this house before the bad news and/or upkeeping bills but now it’s time to burn it and walk. By the time we roll I’m expecting us to have about 4K over costs in the bank, which is... enough. It’s more of a nest egg than we’d have if we stayed here that’s for sure, covers emergencies on the way there and gives us a few months to get our shit together. Even the part-iest part time job out in Portland will float any overhead on bills much less if shea can fall in with all the media and digital work out there with her graphic design and art, we’re eyeing the portland saturday market to sell her stuff at in season too. SCREW THE SYSTEM YALL

#not spn #me #the road so far

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yesbiffwritesthings · 5 years

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“don’t get your hopes up too high”: An Exhaustively Curated 2018 Playlist

So, since time immemorial I have been putting together year-end playlists and for a long time they were pretty sloppy affairs overall. Last year, I decided to make up some kind of formula for putting these playlists together. Basically what it comes down to is, from every new album I listen to, released in the given year, I pick one song. No repeating artists because that gets to be too much (although featured acts aren’t subject to this rule). When deciding what releases are going to get my attention, aside from my own personal tastes (skews toward alt. rock and punk a lot of the time) and releases from longtime favorites (this year we saw releases from Metric, and Animal Collective, as well as a long-awaited A Perfect Circle album, and even a Spotify single from the Yeah Yeah Yeahs), I try to get give more of my time to queer artists (and this year there were TONS of queer acts releasing great music--Adult Mom, Laura Jane Grace & the Devouring Mothers, Janelle Monae, Snail Mail, SOPHIE, etc. etc. etc. hallelujah). I also try to make an effort broaden my musical worldview by making time for artists that operate within genres I don’t always naturally gravitate towards. This was a great year to get back into hip-hop (Rico Nasty, Cardi B, Tierra Whack, Black Panther OST) after not really vibing with some of the directions it has taken in the past ten or so years. I have also tried to include a track by every band I saw in 2018, providing they actually released something in 2018 and it is available on Spotify (strong apologies to Partner, Bully, Shellshagg, Kimya Dawson, Rozwell Kid, Los Campesinos, the incomparable Liz Phair, and the legendary Fleetwood Mac--y’all didn’t release anything this year). I give myself until the end of January of the following year to finalize my expansive, year-end playlist, and here we are. This years playlist is over 15 hours long--almost long enough to put on while you’re doing all that laundry you've been putting off. I hope you enjoy.

Full list of songs:

The 1975 - “Love it if We Made it”, from A Brief Inquiry Into Online Relationships

Ab-Soul - “Bloody Waters” [ft. Anderson .Paak], from _Black Panther _OST Adult Mom - “Drive Me Home”, from Soft Spots Amanda Palmer - “Mr. Weinstein Will See You Now” [ft. Jasmine Power], from “Mr. Weinstein Will See You Now” single Amen Dunes - “Miki Dora”, from Freedom American Pleasure Club - “New Years Eve”, from A Whole Fucking Lifetime of This Animal Collective - “Jake & Me”, from Tangerine Reef Anna Burch - “Quit the Curse”, from Quit the Curse Anna Calvi - “Don’t Beat the Girl Out of My Boy”, from Hunter Antarctigo Vespucci - “Not Yours”, from Love in the Time of E-Mail Arctic Monkeys - “Four Out of Five”, from Tranquility Base Hotel & Casino Ariana Grande - “No Tears Left to Cry”, from Sweetener Ava Luna - “Centerline”, from Moon 2

The Bascinets - “Jangle Bee”, from 378 Vol. 1 EP Bat Fangs - “Bad Astrology”, from Bad Astrology Beach House - “Last Ride”, from 7 Bear Hands - “Back Seat Driver”, from “Back Seat Driver” single Bettye LaVette - “What Was it You Wanted” [ft. Trombone Shorty], [Bob Dylan cover], from Things Have Changed Big Freedia - “Karaoke” [ft. Lizzo], from 3rd Ward Bounce Billie Eilish - “When the Party’s Over”, from “When the Party’s Over” single Black Belt Eagle Scout - “Soft Stud”, from Mother of My Children Bleachers - “Alfie’s Song (Not So Typical Love Song)”, from Love, Simon OST Blood Orange - “Charcoal Baby”, from Negro Swan Bob Dylan - “He’s Funny That Way” [Gene Austin cover], from Universal Love: Wedding Songs Reimagined Booji Boys - “Locked (Barely Open)”, from Unknown Pleathers EP Boygenius - “Bite the Hand”, from Boygenius EP Brandi Carlile - “Every Time I Hear That Song”, from By the Way, I Forgive You The Breeders - “Walking With a Killer”, from All Nerve Bristletongue - “Thistle Among Roses”, from Femme Florale EP Brockhampton - “Thug Life”, from Iridescence

Camp Cope - “The Opener”, from How to Socialise & Make Friends Cardi B - “Ring” [ft. Kehlani], from Invasion of Privacy Caroline Rose - “Bikini”, from Loner Caroline Says - “Cool Jerk”, from No Fool Like an Old Fool The Carters - “Apeshit”, from Everything is Love Cat Power - “Wanderer”, from Wanderer Celine Dion - “Ashes”, from Deadpool 2 OST Chai - “Fried”, from Pink Chance the Rapper - “My Own Thing” [ft. Big Purp], from “My Own Thing” single Childish Gambino - “This is America”, from “This is America” single Christine & the Queens - “Girlfriend” [ft. Dâm-Funk], from Chris Chvrches - “Get Out”, from Love is Dead Closer - “This Year”, from All This Will Be Cloud Nothings - “So Right, So Clean”, from Last Building Burning Company of Thieves - “Window”, from Better Together EP Comrade Question - “Never Change”, from Four Seasons Con Connections - “Low, Low, Low”, from Foreign Affairs Control Top - “Type A”, from “Type A” single Courtney Barnett - “Charity”, from Tell Me How You Really Feel Cupcakke - “Total”, from Ephorize

Damn the Witch Siren - “I Don’t Want to Say I’m Sorry”, from Red Magic Daphne & Celeste - “You & I Alone”, from Daphne & Celeste Save the World Dashboard Confessional - “We Fight”, from Crooked Shadows David Byrne - “Everybody’s Coming to My House”, from American Utopia Death Cab For Cutie - “Gold Rush”, from Thank You For Today The Decemberists - “I’ll Be Your Girl”, from I’ll Be Your Girl” A Delicate Motor - “Do For Self”, from Fellover My Own didi - “Haru”, from Like Memory Foam Dilly Dally - “Bad Biology”, from Heaven Dirty Projectors - “I Found it in U”, from Lamp Lit Prose Django Django - “Beam Me Up, from Marble Skies Downtown Boys - “Fotos y Recuerdos” [Selena cover], from “Fotos y Recuerdos” single Drake - “In My Feelings”, from Scorpion Dream Wife - “Spend the Night”, from Dream Wife DRAM - “WWYD?”, from That’s a Girl’s Name EP Drinks - “Pink Or Die”, from Hippo Lite

El Perro Del Mar - “We Are History”, from We Are History EP EMA - “Dark Shadows”, from Outtakes From Exile EP Empath - “The Eye”, from Liberating Guilt & Fear EP Empress Of - “Love For Me”, from Us Ezra Furman - "Suck the Blood From My Wound", from Transangelic Exodus

Father John Misty - "Disappointing Diamonds Are the Rarest of Them All", from God's Favorite Customer Fatoumata Diawara - "Nterini", from Fenfo (Something to Say) Fields & Planes - "Alice", from Press First Aid Kit - "It's a Shame", from Ruins Fischerspooner - "Discreet", from Sir Flasher - "Business Unusual", from Constant Image Florence & the Machine - "Hunger", from High As Hope Frank Ocean - "Moon River" [Audrey Hepburn cover], from "Moon River" single Franz Ferdinand - "The Academy Award", from Always Ascending The Frights - "Over It", from Hypochondriac Fucked Up - "Tell Me What You See", from Dose Your Dreams

Gabby's World - "Winter, Withdraw", from Beast On Beast Gerard Way - "Baby You're a Haunted House", from "Baby You're a Haunted House" single Gia Margaret - "Smoke", from There's Always Glimmer Girlpool - "Picturesong", from "Picturesong" single The Go! Team - "The Answer's No--Now What's the Question?", from Semicircle Goodbye Honolulu - "Lorry Can't Love", from More Honey Goat Girl - "The Man With No Heart Or Brain", from Goat Girl Greta Van Fleet - "When the Curtain Falls", from Anthem of the Peaceful Army Gymshorts - "Ding Dong Ditch", from Knock Knock

H.E.R. - "Lord is Coming", from I Used to Know Her: Part Two EP harunemuri **- "sekaiwotorikaeshiteokure", from harutosyura Hatchie - "Sure", from Sugar & Spice EP Hinds - "To the Morning Light", from I Don't Run The HIRS Collective - "Not For You" [Moor Mother remix], from Friends, Lovers, Favorites Hop Along - "Not Abel", from Bark Your Head Off, Dog Hovvdy - "Late", from Cranberry Hozier - "Nina Cried Power" [ft. Mavis Staples], from Nina Cried Power EP

Iceage - "Take it All", from Beyondless Idles - "Smaritans", from Joy As an Act of Rebellion Illuminati Hotties - "The Rules", from Kiss Yr Frenemies Interpol - "If You Really Love Nothing", from Marauder The Interrupters - "Gave You Everything", from Fight the Good Fight Iron & Wine - "Milkweed", from Weed Garden EP

Jack White - "Over & Over & Over", from Boarding House Reach Janelle Monae - "Pynk" [ft. Grimes], from Dirty Computer Japanese Breakfast - "Dreams" [The Cranberries cover], from Spotify Singles Jay Rock - "Redemption" [ft. SZA], from Redemption Jeff Rosenstock - "Let Them Win", from POST- Jenn Champion - "O.M.G. (I'm All Over It)", from Single Rider Jenny Hval - "Spells", from The Long Sleep EP Jorja Smith - "I Am", from Black Panther OST Joyce Manor - "Fighting Kangaroo", from Million Dollars to Kill Me Juice WRLD - "Lucid Dreams", from Goodbye & Good Riddance Julia Holter - "Turn the Light On", from Aviary Juliana Hatfield - "A Little More Love" [Olivia Newton-John cover], from Juliana Hatfield Sings Olivia Newton-John Jupiter & Okwess - "Ekombe", from Kin Sonic

Kacey Musgraves - "Space Cowboy", from Golden Hour Karen O - "YO! MY SAINT" [ft. Michael Kiwanuka], from "YO! MY SAINT" single Kendrick Lamar - "All the Stars" [ft SZA], from Black Panther OST Kero Kero Bonito - "Time Today", from Time 'n' Place Kesha - "I Need a Woman to Love" [Janis Joplin cover], from Universal Love: Wedding Songs Reimagined Khalid - "Love Lies" [ft. Normani], from Love, Simon OST King Princess - "Pussy is God", from "Pussy is God" single Kimbra - "Right Direction", from Primal Heart Kississippi **- "Adrift", from Sunset Blush Krimewatch - "The Big Picture", from Krimewatch Kurt Vile - "Check Baby", from Bottle it In

Lala Lala - "I Get Cut", from The Lamb Laura Jane Grace & the Devouring Mothers - "Reality Bites", from Bought to Rot Laura Stevenson - "Maker of Things", from "The Mystic & the Master" single Lauren Ruth Ward - "Well, Hell", from Well, Hell Leikeli47 - "Top Down", from Acrylic Leon Bridges - "Bet Ain't Worth the Hand", from Good Thing Loma - "Relay Runner", from Loma Long Neck - "Elizabeth", from Will This Do? Lord Huron - "Wait By the River", from Vide Noir Low - "Rome (Always in the Dark)", from Double Negative Lowpines - "Parasite", from In Silver Halides Lucius - "Woman", from Nudes Lucy Dacus - "Timefighter", from Historian Lykke Li - “Jaguars in the Air”, from So Sad, So Sexy

The Men - "Come to Me", from Drift Meshell Ndegeocello - "Smooth Operator" [Sade cover], from Ventriloquism Metric - "Dressed to Suppress", from Art of Doubt MGMT - "One Thing Left to Try", from Little Dark Age Middle Kids - "Edge of Town", from Lost Friends Mister Moon - "Plastic", from Codes EP Mitski - "Nobody", from Be the Cowboy Mountain Man - "AGT", from Magic Ship Mourn - "Candle Man", from Sorpresa Familia Muncie Girls - "Jeremy", from Fixed Ideals Mungbean - "Wednesday", from "Wednesday/Aimed at You" single

Natalie Prass - "The Fire", from The Future & The Past Neko Case - "Gumball Blue", from Hell-On Night Flowers - "Head On", from Wild Notion Noble Vices - "Wheelhouses", from "Wheelhouses" single Noname - “With You", from Room 25 Nothing - "Us/We/Are", from Dance On the Blacktop Now, Now - "Window", from Saved

Ohmme - "Icon", from Parts The Ophelias - "Lover's Creep", from Almost Ought - "Disgraced in America", from Room Inside the World Ovlov - "Stick", from TRU

Palm - "Swimmer", from Rock Island Parquet Courts - "Normalisation", from Wide Awake! Peach Kelli Pop - "Parasomnia", from Gentle Leader Peggy Gou - "It Makes You Forget (Itgehane)" [edit], from "It Makes You Forget (Itgehane)" single A Perfect Circle - "So Long & Thanks For All the Fish", from Eat the Elephant Petal - "Stardust", from Magic Gone Phoebe Bridgers - "Friday I'm in Love" [The Cure cover], from Spotify Singles Pinky Pinky - "Robber", from Hot Tears Poppy - "Play Destroy" [ft. Grimes], from Am I a Girl? Preoccupations - "Espionage", from New Material Princess Chelsea - "I Love My Boyfriend", from The Loneliest Girl Protomartyr - "Wheel of Fortune" [ft. Kelley Deal], from Consolation EP

Q-Tip and Demi Lovato - "Don't Go Breaking My Heart" [Elton John cover], from Revamp

Radattack - "Rock & Roll Party Queen", from "Rock & Roll Party Queen" single Rainbow Kitten Surprise - "Hide", from How to: Friend, Love, Freefall Remember Sports - "Making it Right", from Slow Buzz Rico Nasty - "Oreo", from Nasty Robert Delong - "Favorite Color is Blue" [ft. K-Flay], from See You in the Future EP Robyn - "Missing U", from Honey Rolling Blackouts Coastal Fever - "Exclusive Grave", from Hope Downs Ron Gallo - "Really Nice Guys", from Really Nice Guys EP Rosalia - "Di Mi Nombre", from El Mal Querer Saintseneca - ” Good Hand", from Pillar of Na Say Lou Lou - "All Love to Me", from Immortelle Screaming Females - "Deeply", from All at Once Shame - "Concrete", from Songs of Praise Shannon & the Clams - "The Boy", from Onion Shannon Shaw - "Golden Frames", from Shannon in Nashville Shilpa Ray - "Shoot This Dying Horse", from Nihilism The Sidekicks - "Twin's Twist", from Happiness Hours SiR - "Summer in November", from November Skating Polly - "Free Will at Ease", from The Make it All Show Sleep - "Marijuanaut's Theme", from The Sciences Slothrust - "For Robin", from The Pact Smashing Pumpkins - "Silver Sometimes (Ghosts)", from Shiny & Oh So Bright, Vol. 1: No Past, No Future, No Sun Snail Mail - "Pristine", from Lush Snarls - "Lonely", from Snarls EP SOB X RBE - "Paramedic!", from Black Panther OST Soccer Mommy - "Cool", from Clean SOPHIE - "Immaterial", from Oil of Every Pearl's Un-Insides Souther - "Enough", from Blume EP Spiritualized - "On the Sunshine", from And Nothing Hurt SSION - "1980-99" [ft. Patty Schemel and Sky Ferreira], from O St. Vincent - "Los Ageless" [piano version], from Mass Education Stef Chura - "Degrees", from "Degrees/Sour Honey" single Sunflower Bean - "Burn It", from Twentytwo in Blue Superchunk - "Erasure" [ft. Stephin Merritt and Waxahatchee], from What a Time to Be Alive Superorganism - "Night Time", from Superorganism Swearin' - "Big Change", from Fall Into the Sun

Tanya Tagaq - "Run to the Hills" [ft. Damian Abraham] [Iron Maiden cover], from "Run to the Hills" single Tanlines - "Row, Row, Row Your Boat", from Presents EP Teenage Wrist - "Dweeb", from Chrome Neon Jesus They Might Be Giants - "Let's Get This Over With", from I Like Fun Third Eye Blind - "In the Fade" [Queens of the Stone Age cover], from Thanks For Everything EP Thumpers - "Tenor", from Life All In EP Tierra Whack - "Fuck Off", from Whack World Titus Andronicus - "Above the Bodega (Local Business)", from A Productive Cough Tom Misch - "Isn't She Lovely" [Stevie Wonder cover], from Geography Tomberlin - "You Are Here", from At Weddings Toto - "Hash Pipe" [Weezer cover], from "Hash Pipe" single Tracyanne & Danny - "It Can't Be Love Unless it Hurts", from Tracyanne & Danny TT - "Take One", from LoveLaws tune-yards - "Colonizer", from i can feel you creep into my private life Turtlenecked - "Knocked Down By Another Ghost", from High Scores of the Heart TV Girl - "King of Echo Park", from Death of a Party Girl Twin Shadow - "Saturdays" [ft. Haim], from Caer

U.S. Girls - "Rage of Plastics", from In a Poem Unlimited Ultra Beauty - "Pegasuss", from Ultra Beauty EP Unknown Mortal Orchestra - "Hunnybee", from Sex & Food

Vacation - "Action Road", from Mouth Sounds #2699 The Vaccines - "Surfing in the Sky", from Combat Sports Valerie June - "Mad About the Girl", from Universal Love: Wedding Songs Reimagined

Waxahatchee - "Takes So Much", from Great Thunder EP Weaves - "Neighborhood #3 (Power Out)", from "Neighborhood #3 (Power Out)" single The Weeknd - "Wasted Times", from My Dear Melancholy EP Weezer - "Africa" [Toto cover], from "Africa" single Westerman - "Albatross", from Ark EP Wished Bone - "Ohio", from Cellar Belly The Wombats - "Dip You in Honey", from Beautiful People Will Ruin Your Life Wussy - "Cake", from What Heaven is Like Wye Oak - "I Know It's Real", from The Louder I Call the Faster it Runs

Yeah Yeah Yeahs - "Thirteen" [Big Star cover], from Spotify Singles Young Fathers - "Fee Fi", from Cocoa Sugar Young Guv - "Ain't Fallin' in Luv Again", from 2 Sad 2 Funk Yowler - "WTFK", from Black Dog in My Path Yungblud - "I Love You, Will You Marry Me", from 21st Century Liability

https://open.spotify.com/user/barfwalker/playlist/7mCLnG6CZG1yB4q8uhzcys?si=Ip-Lka-0TOWCWRLMXGZ26w

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simptasia · 5 years

Note

Do you have any headcanons about the lost character's music tastes?

Ooh, thank for allowing me to come into my askbox and be pleasantly surprised (i tensed up thinking i was gonna see a hate message)And I didn’t even have to ask!

Most of this is what I’ve gleaned from canon (and expansions there upon), and also bear in mind I don’t exactly know the details of the genres of music, so specific bands may be lost of me. But thank you for asking

Jack: canon into classic rock. (i checked, Nirvana specifically) which is hilarious because Jack is, and I mean this in a loving way, a piece of stale white bread. other music is lost on him but he’ll move his head awkwardly to most songs out of politeness. it’s also very subtly implied that jack wanted to be a piano player instead of a doctor and we even see him playing rather nicely. so theres that

Kate: in a flashback we saw her wearing a Janis Joplin shirt (amazingly when they were writing Kate, they thought they were making a straight character. hah) so I figure she likes that kind of music, like… women with croaky voices singing about pain and love. throw Alanis Morissette in there too. plus, she was excited when she realised who Charlie is, so throw a little punk rock in there. or at the very least Kate heard You All Everybody on the radio and enjoyed it. i’ve pictured her getting into some bops too, e.g I Feel Like A Woman by Shania Twain. i like to imagine her getting into that whilst making breakfastCharlie: we know Charlie’s taste. and he declares himself an “expert on all things musical” so i gather he loves music in general. favours punk rock tho. the kind of Fuck The System rock that he thinks he’s making. you just know Charlie loved the Sex Pistols. he’s also canon a fan of The Kinks (snort) and Oasis. and he must be a Beatles fan (such a pom) because he has some lyrics of theirs tattoo’d on his shoulder (thanks to his actor)Daniel: canonically adores classical music and… Driveshaft (which just tickles me pink, i imagine he has all their albums, which would be at least three in the limbo world) so apparently loves punk rock too. i imagine Driveshaft is he favourite band and he recognises they have hit or misses and aren’t That Great but he just thinks they’re neat. he loves all classical music but his favourite composer is chopin. (referencing to how fantaisie-impromptu by chopin is His Song). he also creates music himself and apparently has experimental tastes for it. as made clear to me by his story, music is his ultimate special interest. specifically involving the piano. live your dreams, babyLocke: owns both of Driveshaft’s albums (expressed that the first was better) if Daniel didn’t do his concert thing I’d say locke is the biggest fan of driveshaft of all our characters. make of that what you will, it’s just funny picturing Locke listening to and enjoying Charlie’s music. i also see him liking Johnny CashShannon: doesn’t like Driveshaft. i imagine she enjoys pop music. the kind you can dance and bop ur head to in a club or something. she was also a ballet teacher so i figure she has at least a passing interest in classical music. we also cannot forget the time she sang La Mer for Sayid and it was beautifulHurley: also did not enjoy Driveshaft (i keep mentioning that because i’ve kept track of who doesn’t and does like Charlie’s music, it amuses me). i hadn’t thought about this before but i can genuinely see Hurley enjoying hip hop & rap music. imagine him attempting to sing along to a fast paced verse but fumbling but he’s enjoying himself anyways and even making up words. great. also i just remembered hurley had a walkman for like the first season until it broke and that provided a variety of background music. i cannot recall genres tho. but basically hurley has good taste and fuck this show uses music wellMichael: canon into bob marley so michael must be into reggae. easy going listening, something you can roll your shoulders toCharlotte: she seems to love Geronimo Jackson (a fictional band within the lost universe) and based on their era (the 70s) and their cover art, i presume this shit was hippie-ish and psychedelic. maybe funky too. since she’ll be dating daniel, she’ll have to tolerate driveshaft and she personally considers them OkayMiles: EMO. EMO ROCK. EMO PUNK. WAKE ME UP (WAKE ME UP INSIDE). i don;t have specific examples bcuz i dunno this genre but yeeeahhh. the 90s kind too because lost is set in 2004 and like, we saw how he dressed in the 90s. wowee. (i don’t think the emo examples i can think of were even a think in 2004). also i hc he thinks driveshaft are utter shit and thinks daniel has bad taste (but tolerates it. like, its garbage but it makes daniel happy). miles’ parents are canon into jazz and country, miles is not. and i think he regards country as off puttingDesmond: if he never has to listen to “make your own kinda music” ever again, it’ll still be too soon. so canon dislikes driveshift (basically regarded it as shit in the most tactful way possible). but i never thought about what would desmond like, just what he doesn’t like [shrug emoji] …for whatever reason, i got a burst of, MAYBE DESMOND LIKES QUEEN?? therefore it is decided. besides, who doesn’t love queen? AND i hc that des was a theatre kid when he was young so make of that headcanon what you re. music taste. (he’s not an expert or anything like that, but i think he’d know a good tune when he hears it)Juliet: when you’re alone and life is making you lonely you can always go

downtowni dunno what genre that song is but it’s good, i like that song too. i’ve associated it with juliet ever since this show. (same with wonderwall and charlie)Sawyer: bit stereotypical but i think it’s fair to say… country rock? i can see it. also i imagine he (and juliet) got in geronimo jackson during the dharma times. oh and sawyer is also canon into bob marley (it was a nice bonding moment)

Richard: i just wanna mention richard to be in awe over the fact that he’s heard music evolution over like 180 years and that’s so cool. also i imagine he loved 60s & 70s music (and has the era appropriate dance moves)Ben: a long time ago i headcanon’d that his favourite song is “you are my sunshine” and i’m not going back on that. he used to sing to alex when she was a baby. also plays and likes classical piano because of course he doesClaire: her favourite song is Catch A Falling Star for emotional reasons. besides that? into enya-type music and ballads. sarah mclachlan and sarah brightman type singers also. would be indifferent to or even not like driveshaft music if, you know, it didn’t involve her dead soulmate. so she gets the albums and merch (for free from liam, of course) and cries about it. as ya do. oh, oh and she loves abba! because pretty much every australian loves abba! (especially queer australians, even if claire doesn’t know she’s queer yet)Sun: canon knows how to play piano classical music and i think to myself, maybe due to that, she doesn’t actually like the genre. like i imagine she was forced to learn piano (ya know rich ppl) so she has negative feelings about itBoone: i’m hearing something when picturing him, which i may have to classify as prog rock / college rock. early 2000s style, you get me?and for anybody else interested in the music used in the show and listened to by the characters within here’s this: https://lostpedia.fandom.com/wiki/Songs

#lost headcanons #theres more probably #a lot more in canon but this is all i feel like doing #thanks #wovenwillows

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Title: Flour Blossom Fandom: Riverdale Characters: Cheryl Blossom x Reader Word Count: 1,930 Warnings: None Notes: Get it... Flour Blossom... instead of Flower Blossom.... I’m hilarious, y’all. // Based on an anon request, although I changed it a bit: “I have a fic idea. You are new to riverdale and instantly connect with the gang. Few weeks later cheryl suddenly starts haging out with you and the others(ronnie know she has a crush on you so she helps her). Cheryl hears you say "the way to a woman's heart it's through her stomach" and after that she fins out what is your favorite food and keeps inviting you to dinner. One day she decides to make you dinner instead of going out and conffesses her feelings and ask you to be her gf. Well ty :)”

[gif by @dagobas]

Anyone who has ever transferred to a new school is aware of the anxiety that entails. What should you wear? Will everyone hate you? Where will you sit for lunch? Will you be able to make new friends? Thankfully, however, your experience transferring to Riverdale High was far less painless than you had ever imagined.

While you were alone the majority of the first day of school, that didn’t last for long. Halfway through lunch, the most beautiful woman you’d ever seen walked right up to you and started a conversation. Her hair was a vibrant red, as were her lips, and she carried herself with a confidence you could never imagine having. She introduced herself as Cheryl Blossom, and she spoke to you about your old school, your hobbies and interests, and ultimately, asked you to sit with her at lunch from now on. You felt as if you were dreaming – but if you were, you never wanted to wake up.

The topic of your sexuality was something that always seemed to come up in social settings, and it always filled you with a unique sense of nervousness. Everyone responded differently to it, and you had experienced too much ostracism to be foolish enough to think that everyone would be accepting of it. And, inevitably, it came up in conversation with Cheryl.

“What’s your dating situation like? Got a boyfriend from your old school, still grabbing at your legs and begging you not to go? Or maybe a girlfriend?”

She asked the question so casually – but it still made your stomach drop to your toes, and you couldn’t prevent yourself from shifting in your seat.

“Uh, no… nothing like that,” you responded, feigning interest in your lunch to avoid eye contact. Most people just dropped the conversation right then – but Cheryl was certainly not ‘most people.’

“So, you do like women?”

Your head snapped up to look at her, your eyebrows furrowed together in disbelief. Her expression nor her tone were accusatory, but how could she have possibly known that from your brief answer? She seemed to understand your question without you even speaking it.

“When straight girls are asked if they have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, they immediately say that they’re straight. But you didn’t. In fact, you ignored it entirely, which makes me think that you’re not straight,” Cheryl explained, still maintaining that cool, unbothered demeanor. You could feel your hands begin to sweat, and your mouth went dry as you attempted to come up with some sort of response for her, but nothing would come.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” she added, shrugging. “I don’t particularly care either way.”

“You don’t care?” you finally managed to ask, and she nodded as she took a bite from the fruit bowl before her. “Um… okay then – you’re right, I’m not straight.”

The scoff that fell from her lips immediately made your stomach twist into knots. As per usual, someone pretends that they don’t mind anyone being queer, but is actually disgusted by it, you thought. You would never admit it, but you were actually a bit sad about it – you were really starting to like Cheryl. But before you could even say anything, she spoke again.

“That girl’s dress is beyond hideous. It looks like she yanked it out of her grandmother’s attic.”

Cheryl wasted no time in returning to conversing with you. The things she spoke of regarded the usual topics, such as fashion and music, with no signs whatsoever of any underlying disdain for your confession of your sexuality. These were the responses from people that you loved the most – not making a big deal of it, and treating you exactly the same as you did before.

And that definitely did not help your blossoming feelings for Cheryl Blossom.

You had been watching a movie in class the next time Cheryl brought up your dating life. It was a film class, in which you were meant to be evaluating the modern depiction of romance on the screen – definitely not the way Cheryl was so close that the side of her leg was touching yours, or the adorably peaceful expression she wore as she gave her full attention to the man on screen, asking his intended lover how best to win her affection.

“So… what’s the best way for someone to win your heart?” she whispered to you, careful to be sly enough that the teacher didn’t hear her.

The question was an unexpected one, and you had to stop yourself from blurting out “By being Cheryl Blossom.” You composed yourself, and spent a moment thinking of an answer.

“Maybe mostly just by being nice to me? I don’t really know, I’ve never thought about it,” you admitted, shrugging. A smile crossed your face, and you added, “I guess a good method would be abiding by the age-old belief that the best way to a person’s heart is through their stomach.”

Cheryl only nodded expressionlessly, still looking at the movie. You were about to ask her the same question, then you witnessed the teacher pointedly cleared her throat, and jerk her thumb towards the screen.

It was the very next day that Cheryl invited you over for dinner. You thought nothing of it; her parents were out of town that night, and you knew how much she hated them, so you just figured that she was taking their absence as an opportunity to have you over for the first time. You had anticipated watching a few movies and maybe ordering a pizza for dinner; just a typical, lazy evening with a friend.

When you arrived and she answered the door in a little black dress and red heels – and especially after she brought you into the dining room to reveal a massive spread of extravagant food – you felt extremely underprepared.

“What’s the occasion, Cheryl?” you inquired, hanging your jacket on a nearby coatrack.

“No occasion! I just wanted us to have a nice night,” she answered, then quickly added, “Because my parents are gone and all. I usually don’t get to have nights to myself.”

“You’re not having ‘a night to yourself’ tonight. I’m here,” you pointed out, and she only smiled.

“That’s even better.”

In an effort to keep from giggling like a lovestruck schoolgirl in response to her sweet words, you cleared your throat and crossed your arms.

“Well, then let’s eat, I guess,” you managed to choke out.

The remainder of the night was spent trying the various foods that the Blossom family chef had prepared for you two. You had never even seen half of the foods upon the silver platters before you, and the other half was foods that you had only ever seen on Instagram. Cheryl hardly seemed to care about any of it, though; her attention was almost exclusively on you, constantly asking what you liked and didn’t like, your opinions on the food, and just instigating general conversation with you. The night ended with a movie marathon, and when she fell asleep with her head on your shoulder, you were certain that you had never been happier.

After that night, Cheryl had dinner with you several other times. It was always just dining at local restaurants, being that she didn’t want you to have to sit through an uncomfortably quiet dinner with her family – but you loved it nonetheless. She also always insisted on paying, and while you knew that money was certainly no issue for the Blossom family, you still protested every time.

It was two months before Cheryl’s parents left on another trip, and she invited you back to Thornhill. This time, however, she informed you to just let yourself in, and to head to the kitchen upon your arrival. You had thought that perhaps she was going to let the chef teach you how to make something; she knew that you enjoyed cooking, regardless of whether or not you did well. Nothing could have possibly prepared you for what you saw when you entered the kitchen.

Cheryl had a designer apron on over her dress, and she was covered in flour from head to black stiletto heels. Her iPad was propped up on one of the counters, and it too was covered in flour. A smoke alarm was screaming from somewhere in the room, and whatever was on the stove looked more akin to molten lava than food. A cake set on a nearby counter, and it looked positively sickly. Meanwhile, Cheryl appeared to be substantially stressed, as she frantically attempted to stir whatever it was that was in the pan on the stove.

“Uh… Cheryl?” you said, causing her to jump. She stared at you for a moment, her mouth hanging open slightly, before bursting into tears.

You wasted no time in setting your bag down and pulling her into a hug. You attempted to soothe her, gently stroking her hair as she sobbed into your shoulder. It was a few minutes before she composed herself, and pulled away from you slightly, still sniffling.

“So… do you want to let me in on what happened?” you asked hesitantly, and she sighed.

“I was trying to make dinner for us, and it didn’t go well,” Cheryl admitted, a hint of shyness in her tone that was very unfamiliar to her personality.

“Why were you trying to make dinner for us in the first place?”

“Because… because you like cooking, and I thought that if I could prove to you that I could cook, then you’d like me.”

“I already like you, Cheryl,” you said, smiling softly at her.

“No… I mean like like me,” she muttered, crossing her arms stubbornly and glowering at the floor.

You were dumbstruck. Cheryl Blossom was trying to woo you – after you’d spent months suppressing your feelings for her. The most beautiful woman you had ever seen – who had likely never even touched an oven – was working her perfect ass off to try and cook dinner for you, simply because she was trying to gain your affection.

“Well, I’ll repeat myself then,” you said gently, your smile widening. “I already like you, Cheryl.”

It took her a minute to process what you were saying. When she did, she slowly looked up at you, a guardedly hopeful look on her face. You could tell that she was attempting to determine what she would say next. She was always so on top of her game; you could tell that your confession had shaken her up a bit. Before she could speak, however, you cupped her flour-covered face in your hands, and pulled her into a kiss.

The kiss was soft, sweet, and short, but it managed to steal the breath from your lungs. When you pulled away from Cheryl, her eyes were still closed, but they opened when you gently tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Simultaneously, a smile spread across both of your faces.

“Cheryl Blossom, you are absolutely incredible. And I really appreciate you trying to cook for me. That’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for me. But let’s just go ahead and order a pizza, yeah?” you said, and she laughed lightly.

“Sounds good to me.”

The two of you spent the rest of the night snuggled up on the couch, watching your favorite show, and occasionally stealing kisses. You knew that it wasn’t the first time that Cheryl had made you feel this way, and you were certain that it wouldn’t be the last – you had never been happier.

#cheryl blossom #riverdale #cheryl blossom x reader #cheryl blossom fluff #cheryl blossom fan fiction #cheryl blossom riverdale #cheryl blossom reader insert #cheryl blossom fan fic #cheryl blossom fanfiction #cheryl blossom fanfic #riverdale fanfiction #cheryl blossom drabble #riverdale fanfic #riverdale fan fiction #riverdale fan fic #my writing #flour blossom

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