#pls reblog if you like this my self esteem could really use it

[paradisetemporarilymisplaced]

So I was being a basic bitch the other day and listening to my true crime podcasts when it occurred to me just how suspicious Nile’s “death” would look to everyone not in the Guard, leading me to a train of thought that, 2200 words later, absolutely got away from me but I can’t let go so I’m inflicting it on all of you!

To set the stage, we know the movie takes place over approximately a week. Here’s what happens to Nile from the military’s point of view:

She dies is very seriously injured

She heals without a scratch

Just before she’s supposed to be shipped out to Germany, she vanishes, leaving two men concussed (and presumably reporting being knocked out by a woman with short hair wearing civilian clothes)

She goes AWOL for several days

They get word from the CIA that she is to be reported killed in action (details unclear)

So, at the beginning of this very weird week, the USMC has to tell Nile’s family of her death critical injury. What her family was told depends on how long she was dead – a Google search tells me that family will be notified in person within 8 hours of a soldier’s death, but we don’t know how long her first death lasted. For an injury, however, they’d get a phone call to notify them and the unit would arrange for them to visit as soon as the soldier is transferred out of a combat zone. Like I remember when I was in high school, a guy from my church who was a Marine was really seriously injured in a helicopter crash in Iraq and from what I could tell, his parents were told immediately and were flown out to Germany to see him, so it stands to reason that Nile’s family would have been informed relatively quickly after her throat was slashed, one way or another.

And then, she goes AWOL. Her family would be notified while the USMC tried to figure out where she went, not least because the military would want to know if she’s contacted them. (And it’s possible that her family may have been on the way to Germany to see her since we know that’s where she was supposed to go!) So for several days:

Nile’s mom and brother have no idea where she is

They know she was seriously injured and most certainly should not have been moving around on her own

They can’t get a hold of her

The military can’t tell them anything

And the next thing they know for sure is that she was “killed in action.” After being injured and vanishing into thin air. And they presumably cannot produce her body or any concrete evidence of her death. In any case, something sketchy is going on, so they’re like. SMELLS LIKE A MILITARY COVERUP.

In a surprise to probably no one, there is a well-documented legacy of mysterious US military deaths, particularly of women of color (TW for sexual assault in these links). The cases of LaVena Johnson and Vanessa Guillenin particular have made national news because of their families’ persistence in seeking justice. Likewise, Nile is a Black woman, and her mom and brother are most certainly hypercognizant of (a) state violence against Black people and (b) these high-profile cases of suspicious military deaths. So her family are seriously side-eyeing the situation, knowing that (a) the military has a serious incentive (and a documented history) of covering up things that make them look bad and (b) nothing about Nile’s disappearance and supposed death are adding up.

And Andy’s right. Nile does come from warriors. And you know who else does? Her brother.

Don’t get me wrong. Nile’s mom would absolutely not back down. She’d know something was up and want to get to the bottom of it. But based on what I know about Gen X parents (mine), they’re not the most technologically savvy. Like they can use the internet, but they didn’t grow up with it the way we young millennials and Gen Z did. So Nile’s brother takes the lead. And what do zillennials do best?

Social media.

Nile’s brother starts going hard on any site he can, trying to get the word out to see if anyone knows what happened to his sister. He starts a Reddit thread. He starts a Facebook group. He reaches out to the media and true crime bloggers and podcasters à la Sarah Turney, getting loud and being a general nuisance in hopes of getting some answers. He gets his friends and Nile’s friends involved. Maybe eventually Dizzy, Jay, and others from Nile’s unit hear about it and reach out, telling him what they saw and how weird it all was. He’s drumming up interest, and soon “Nile Freeman” becomes a household name (at least among the true crime fans).

Copley is, of course, trying his best, but at this point there is just so much that it’s impossible for him to scrub everything. Sure, he can erase new footage of Nile and the Guard, but what can he do about Reddit threads and podcast episodes that are speculating something weird has happened? Maybe he could hack the sites and shut those things down, but honestly, that’s the last thing he’d want to do, because that only adds weight to the theory that Nile’s disappearance is a military coverup. So eventually he has to tell Andy what’s going on.

Andy, obviously, does not take the news well. However, she is also completely computer illiterate, because that’s Booker’s job and he’s the only one who ever bothered to learn what the internet is in any meaningful way. (She probably calls Booker for advice, and for the record, I think Booker would have no qualms about shutting down conspiracy threads, tinhats be damned, but Copley is too concerned about the consequences. He’s ex-CIA for crying out loud, he knows how it’ll look if they scrub every mention of Nile’s name from the internet.) Maybe she confers with Joe and Nicky but, let’s be honest, they’d be equally unhelpful. So at this point, she knows they have to bring in Nile.

But the thing about Nile is that she, too, knows how to use the internet (duh). Aside from her being a young millennial/digital native, we know from the cave scene where she’s giving Booker suggestions on how to track Copley that she clearly is even more computer savvy than the average person. And for that reason she almost definitely took over the day-to-day tech stuff after Booker’s exile. So I think it would be foolish to expect her to be unaware of what’s happening. She’s not contacting her family or posting on the message boards or anything, but she knows what’s up. So Copley and the team probably sit her down to “break the news,” but we know the girl does not have a poker face (see: literally shooting herself in the foot and not being able to play it cool whatsoever) and cracks immediately, telling them she’s seen everything about her case – she’s not interacting with any of it, she certainly didn’t instigate anything, but she knows. (And she is so goddamn proud of her brother.)

At this point, I’d like to pause and consider Nile’s role in the overall narrative of this movie. She’s set up as a foil to Andy, obviously, but she’s also a foil to Booker. Booker, who, like Andy, is a serious pessimist, but who, unlike Andy, still has very fresh memories and trauma associated with being the new kid, which have destroyed him. In his mind (and Andy’s), if Nile communicates with her family, she’ll become just like him in a century or two – bitter, alone, and stuck with her grief and memories of watching her family die and knowing they died resenting her. It’s a small sample size, but this is the only experience they have to go off of.

But it doesn’t have to be like that.

There’s been a lot of discussion of TOG being a fundamentally queer movie – a group of people brought together because of something inherent about themselves that is different, that must be hidden, that causes others to hate, fear, and reject them. Booker’s backstory is the archetypal traumatic “coming out” story – his family learns who he is, hate him for it, and attempt to cast him out of their lives. He’s stuck with his trauma, his pain, his loss, and it consumes him.

But what if Nile’s family would be the opposite? What if her “coming out” to them as immortal is met with acceptance, love, celebration? What if her family is just overjoyed to have her back, and they don’t care what the circumstances are? I'm reminded of this incredible post from @shitty-old-guard-deaths a while back, where Nile’s mother hits Booker with a frying pan because “my baby let me believe she was dead for FIVE YEARS based on your bad advice???” (which may or may not have inspired this whole tangent). Nile takes the advice of someone who did the same thing she wants to do because she doesn’t want to risk her family’s rejection. She wants the good memories with her family and is afraid that showing them her true self will bring her unbearable pain, forever replacing those memories. But, with high risk comes high reward.

Anyway. Nile and the team are trying to come up with a plan for how to handle this whole thing, but she’s not really participating because she’s too afraid to hope. Until finally, quickly, so she doesn’t lose her nerve, she suggests she reach out to them, knowing that, realistically, that’s the only solution before things snowball even further out of control. The team is shocked, but realize that she has a point. They decide that Copley should actually be the first point of contact, posing as a US government official to talk with them and test the waters.

So Copley goes to Nile’s family’s house to talk with her mom and brother. They’re probably distrustful and apprehensive, but nonetheless secretly ecstatic that their work has paid off. They talk and review all of the information that they’ve collected, including testimonials from the people on Nile’s base and recent sightings (along with photos) of Nile (with the same three people) over the last few years that people have sent them but they haven’t posted publicly. At this point, Copley’s like, yeah this is about to blow up, we gotta put our cards on the table. He convinces them to come with him to some safe house/black site/whatever he can get that is technologically impenetrable (I’m picturing them in like, an interrogation room at a police station kind of deal), takes their phones, locks the doors, and brings in Nile.

What follows is the most delightful reunion scene of all time, bringing Joe, Nicky, and even Andy to tears as they watch and listen from outside the room. With Copley’s help, Nile tells her mom and brother about her immortality and what’s been going on since she died (within reason, of course), and they are thrilled. They don’t understand why (because no one does) but they don’t question it and they see it as a gift from God – she’s been resurrected, she will live, and she has a purpose. Her mother and brother are so happy to see her again and are willing to agree with pretty much anything to stay in her life as long as they can.

So. They set up some complicated agreement (they bring in the other three for support/intimidation as needed) setting the terms of their relationship. They swear Nile’s family to secrecy, maybe bringing up the lab to show how high the stakes are, and they readily agree. They come up with some cover story for Nile’s brother to share on the message boards (maybe that the government has opened an investigation but because it’s an open case he has to shut it all down? Tells people to direct their tips somewhere else? Something to that effect). There’s still speculation, of course, but without Nile’s brother at the helm providing the energy, the hype dies down as news stories are wont to do without any movement. And Nile’s family goes to work for the team. The experience has taught them that Copley can’t possibly do everything himself, especially when it comes to social media, so Nile’s brother takes the lead on the day-to-day tracking/social media while Copley and her mom focus on finding jobs and scrubbing their traces afterward.

So there you have it: Nile gets to integrate her biological family into her found family and spend the rest of their lives with them as it should be, Copley gets some badly needed help managing the reality of social media, the team finally has a positive narrative surrounding outsiders Knowing About Them AND about interacting with people from their previous life, and the audience gets the happy ending to this very lovely and very queer story to counteract the pain associated with Booker’s family.

Plus, you know, I’m a sucker for both a good government conspiracy theory and for Nile getting every good thing she deserves.

#the old guard #tog #tog fanfiction #tog meta #immortal family #nile freeman #mine #damn look at me contributing to a fandom! that’s new #pls reblog if you like this my self esteem could really use it #I just love nile so much and I’m being the nile-centric content I want to see in the world #it is just genuinely nuts to think abt how this situation would be perceived by anyone outside the narrative #she just mysteriously heals from a fatal injury and then VANISHES!!! this should be national fuckin news #also I do think there’s a major hole in the story when you think abt social media #like the only time it’s even hinted at is right at the very beginning when Andy erases that girl’s selfie #and the concept of fuckin Reddit is not even brought up despite Copley’s stalker board being analog Reddit #there’s just a lot of places one could go with this which is very much what we got here #1k

[mortedeveles]

Boundaries. [POC Week]

Summary: You’ve learned to ignore and push past racist comments your entire life, but when they come from a girl who’s hell-bent on destroying you and stealing your boyfriend, they cut wounds that are far deeper than any others you’ve suffered. 

Pairing: Shinsou Hitoshi x gn!mexican!reader

(I tried to make reader as gn! as possible, but may lean on fem!reader tendencies, I apologize.) 

Themes: hurt comfort, bit of angst and some body worshipping, bit steamy but not NSFW. [ONE SHOT] [POC WEEK]

TW: racism, verbal insults, suggestive content, harassment, slight cursing and self esteem issues.

(Reader is brown- dark skinned Mexican!) I’m well aware that not all Mexicans have dark skin, and before you make assumptions, I’m Mexican and this one-shot is directed to my fellow brown-dark skinned mexicans :)

a/n: this writing piece is part of the writing event POC WEEK! please check out the other works HERE! pls give my fellow writers & friends as much love as possible <33 

-translations are at the end of the one-shot! 

as always, please leave a like, reblog, follow and/or comment if you enjoyed! the feedback is greatly appreciated <3 

(banner is made by ME! please do NOT repost or use without my permission (:)

Being a U.A. student was stressful; no matter what course you were in. There was something about having constant villain attacks and the school having a reputation throughout the entire country that made your hair stand up. 

But today seemed to be working in your favor, you had submitted all your assignments on time and received good grades, spent a great amount of time with your friends and your school day had been great so far. You hadn't talked much to your boyfriend Shinsou Hitoshi during the entire day, but it didn't bother you. He had errands to attend and so did you.

Your light-hearted mood changed when you stepped into your classroom, chattering with your friends. But as your eyes drifted to your seat, you froze. One of the most popular girls in your course was sitting on your desk, observing her nails carelessly. Her legs swung back and forward and they reminded you of a clock; tick-tock, tick-tock. All your instincts told you to run and avoid her for weeks; the girl wasn't known for being particularly nice with you.

 You tended to avoid her since she always had plenty of... comments on your skin and nationality. But unfortunately, it was a matter of time before you had to confront her, you couldn't avoid going to your desk for the rest of your life, even if you wanted to. 

When you walked to your desk, she raised her head and smiled at you. 

''Hey there, Y/N!'' her eyes swept behind you as if waiting for someone else. ''Have you seen Shinsou lately?'' 

Maldita perra, you gritted your teeth. You weren't dumb; you noticed the lingering gazes she gave your boyfriend. And the way she would squeeze his arm whenever he was around. Her... affection wasn't too often before, but when you started dating Hitoshi, they increased, much to your annoyance. 

''I haven't seen him all day,'' you kept your voice as composed and neutral as possible. She shrugged carelessly. 

''Y'know, Shinsou may have a... creepy quirk,'' the brunette eyed you with a devious grin. 

You clenched your fists. Being Shinsou's partner, you learned about his past; bullying due to his quirk had done a number on him, and you hated people who nitpicked at him for his quirk. 

''But his appearance sure isn't bad. Say, Y/N,'' she leaned forward on your desk, a pretty smile on her pretty pink lips. Anger and envy bubbled in your stomach. Who did she think she was? 

''Is he single?''

With a tired sigh, you leaned back in your chair, crossing your arms over your chest. The chattering of your classmates grew fainter and fainter and all you could focus on was the rude brunette. This conversation wasn't going to end well, you could feel it. 

''Why would I know?'' You bit back, anger blazing in your eyes. ''It's not like I'm his girlfriend or anything.'' 

Her eyes widened but she merely smirked.

 ''Oops!'' Her petite hand covered her lips deviously. ''My bad, I forgot you were his girlfriend.'' Her judgmental gaze raked over your skin. The barriers and shields of protection you surrounded yourself at a young age began to chip away, her devious words and smiles creating abysses and scars. Your facade faltered for a second.

You willed the raging anger within your chest to settle for a couple of seconds. Don’t fall into her traps, you thought. Don’t act like she expects you to be; aggressive and dangerous. 

''You know what I mean, right?'' The fake smile on her face was so sickly and poisonous you felt your stomach churn and twist. She breathed nothing but poison and hate. ''I always forget you're his girlfriend 'cause you know what they say about Hispanics, don't you sweetie? Especially Mexicans like you.'' Her pale white fingers trailed on your arm. They sent goosebumps down your spine.

''All they're good for is for being our donkeys and cargo. Born stupid and sturdy to carry our weight.'' 

The screeching of your chair made the entire class freeze. Your shoulders trembled and you swallowed the heavy lump in your throat. Calm down, you told yourself. This is what she wants. To provoke you. Don't listen to her, you know better than to listen to what others say.

Your blood boiled as you glared at her smiling face, skin soft and white as snow. Yours was darker. The mere comparison made hundreds of insecure thoughts race in your mind. Why wasn’t your skin…lighter?

''Are you okay, Y/N?'' She asked. 

The classroom murmured and you felt several pairs of eyes on you; judging you. One wrong move and they would be all over you. 

''Just peachy,'' you murmured. Brushing past her, you stormed out of the classroom. Thankfully, your teacher had been pulled away due to some school business and wasn't in the classroom so you had no qualms about leaving. 

You felt your chest ache and bile rose to your throat as you walked away from the classroom and closer to the restrooms. The restrooms were empty and you quickly locked yourself in one of the stalls, leaning on the door with closed eyes.

Her words were sharp little knives that drove straight into your heart; twisting and digging deeply. Your heart stuttered and spluttered blood; a painful ache spreading over your chest. 

Tears formed in your eyes and you wiped them away with a sniffle. 

''Es una pendeja,'' you murmured as you stared at your palms. ''No desperdicies tu tiempo en ella.'' You wondered if you'd be more pretty if your skin was a lighter color. Or if your mother tongue had been English or Japanese instead of Spanish. 

You tried to keep your voice firm and confident, but it sounded wobbly and weak in your ears. Beautiful, you're beautiful, no importa tu color de piel. You tried to drill those words into your head but with each time you repeated them, it seemed that they began to lose their importance. 

You wished Shinsou was here. 

                                           ∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

The soft breeze of air that swept past your face made you smile. Shinsou’s familiar scent wrapped around like a blanket as you stepped inside his dorm room and closed the door. The purple-haired boy was sitting at his desk, eyebrows furrowed in concentration. He raised his head and smiled when he spotted you.

''Hey,'' you said softly and pecked Shinsou on the cheek. He smiled softly and wrapped his arms around your waist, nuzzling his nose against your cheek. 

The early events of earlier lingered in your mind, but being with Shinsou swept them away like the dust that's swept away by the harsh wind. 

''Welcome back, cutie.'' You snorted at his comment. 

''Where have you been?'' You murmured sleepily as you wrapped your arms around his back, inhaling his warm and familiar scent. It was a combination of peppermint and fresh leaves. 

‘’I’ve been busy…’’ He sighed. ‘’There’s some assignments and errands I have to complete.’’ You sighed but nodded in understanding.

‘’I missed you today.’’ Shinsou frowned and pressed a kiss on the top of your head.

‘’I’m sorry, gorgeous. I’ll make it up to you today.’’ The endearment made you sigh. You frowned at looked down at your palms.

''...Toshi?''

''Yes, kitten?'' 

''Do you think I'm....'' you averted your eyes to your arms. ''Ugly?''

Hitoshi straightened up at your words. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion and your heart dropped to your stomach, regretting your words. 

''Of course not, sweetheart,'' he pulled you into his lap and wrapped his arms around you. ''You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. Why...who told you that?''

''No one,'' you responded quickly- a little bit too fast and Shinsou noticed.

His eyes narrowed and his grip tightened. You closed your eyes and leaned into his touch, hoping it would distract him from the topic. It worked for you, being in his arms made you feel like Shinsou brought heaven down to Earth just for you. Bliss.

''Kitten,'' he nudged your side and you mumbled in protest. ''Can you tell me who told you that?''

''No one..'' you groaned and buried your face in his chest. 

''Babe,'' his voice hardened and you swallowed nervously. ''Look at me.'' 

You pouted and instead, buried your nose in his shirt, inhaling his musky perfume. Your boyfriend sighed and his gangly fingers grabbed your chin and forced you to look at his deep purple eyes. You frowned.

''Kitten,'' you began to play with your fingers. ''Who told you that?''

Sighing in defeat, you dropped your hands on your lap. 

''The girl in our homeroom...the brunette who's pretty and always flirts with you?''

Hitoshi furrowed his eyebrows. ''Who?''

Your jaw slackened. Did your boyfriend, Hitoshi Shinsou, not know who one of the prettiest (and rudest) girls in your class was?

''Sweetheart, you know I've been busy lately with some business, I really don’t know who you’re talking about...'' he sighed at the look you gave him. ''No, I can't tell you. M' sorry, I promise I'll tell you what it is, but I can't right now.''

You huffed and crossed your arms, deciding to stare at his shirt than his face.

''Y/N?'' he murmured, his long and warm hands rubbing your back. You sighed in relief and leaned into his chest but refused to acknowledge his words.

''Y/N...'' he sighed and buried his face in the crook of your neck. His warm breath made you shiver.

''Please tell me what's going on.''

Your lower lip wobbled. The tension and frustration that had been building up inside of you began to sway, ready to fall and flood your body in a matter of seconds.

''I just don't understand,'' you nearly cried out. Your trembling hands fisted his shirt.

''I've been as nice and competitive as possible, I've been doing my best to prove that I'm as good and valuable as anyone else here!'' your heart stuttered with each word. 

''But that's not enough for them,'' a sniffle escaped your leaking nose. ''Because I'll never be enough because I was just born unlucky, my skin is darker than hers and I'll never be enough, not even for you-,'' you hiccuped and clenched your fists. 

Each word that left your lips was saturated with pain and frustration. Shoulders trembling furiously. You didn't notice how the purple-haired boy's jaw clenched and how anger and confusion took over his face, before quickly returning into an understanding and warm look. The face you needed at the time. 

''Hey, hey,'' Shinsou whispered in your ear and for a moment, you relaxed, his words honey to your ears. His arms tightened around you as he pulled you into a tight and fierce hug.

''Let it out, sweetheart,'' he pressed a kiss on your cheek. ''I'm here for you, I'm listening.'' 

His words were fuel to your tears- not in the way that they made your heart ache- but his support and company left you breathless. You were sure that you had dampened Shinsou's shirt with your tears, but he didn't seem to mind. He was focused only on you.

''That's it,'' he murmured, softly brushing away your tears with his thumbs. Your eyes and lips were swollen from crying, with tear-stained cheeks and red-rimmed eyes, but he still looked at you as if you were the most beautiful person he had ever seen. It made your heart flutter.

''I-I think I'm okay now,'' you murmured, throat scratchy and raw. Your boyfriend nodded in approval and pressed a kiss on your forehead. 

''Y/N L/N,'' his voice shifted to a serious tone, catching you off guard. ''I want you to listen to me very carefully, okay?'' You nodded numbly in response.

Hitoshi's heavy hands held your wrists in a gentle grip, brushing his thumb across your skin. It was a soothing gesture. 

''I love you, Y/N. I love you regardless of where you're from, what you've been through. I love you for you. With everything that comes with you; your culture, your language. You. I think you're the most beautiful person I've ever seen and..'' his voice trailed off. The boy laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. 

''The first time I saw you, I thought you were an angel.'' 

Your face flooded with warmth and you squirmed in his lap. He let out a warm and lively laugh. 

''Don't listen to what they say, okay?'' his voice lowered to the soft and gentle tone you loved. ''They're jealous and don't understand how beautiful you are, how important and valuable you are. Those idiots...'' his grip tightened. 

''They don't understand what respect and tolerance are.''

You scoffed and wiped your nose with a tissue that your boyfriend handed to you.

''No shit,'' you grumbled.

''Who was it?'' Shinsou hummed. He kept his voice as passive and calm as possible, but even you noticed his restlessness.

''It's not worth it, 'Toshi,'' you sighed and pressed a hand on his chest. Confusion swept through you when you felt his chest and abdomen far more toned and muscled than before. But before you could raise a question about the topic, Shinsou quickly pressed a kiss on your lips, his hands rubbing at the back of your neck. 

''It's for you, Y/N,'' he pressed your forehead against his. Staring into his purple-indigo eyes was always an intense experience. ''Of course, it's worth it. Besides, if no one speaks up about it, who knows who else will suffer from their harassment? We have to put a stop to it.'' 

You giggled at the thought of your boyfriend beating up or shouting ruthlessly at the brunette, when you knew he was probably one of the least athletic or temperamental people ever. 

Since both of you were General Studies students at U.A, physical condition and combat abilities weren't your priority. And from your years of knowing Shinsou, harsh and intimidating weren't the words you'd use to describe him. 

''Sure thing, 'Toshi,'' he hummed in response. ''I think I'll speak to her tomorrow and report her to the teacher as well.'' 

Your boyfriend grinned. ''That's a good idea. Now that it's been solved,'' you felt your face grow warm as his hand trailed to your thigh. ''Why don't I give you a demonstration of how beautiful you are?''

A smug smirk took over your lips. ''Sure thing, love.'' His grin grew wider and you squealed in surprise as he pushed you on the bed, his thighs pushing yours apart. His body loomed over yours and you bit your lip in excitement. 

''I won't stop until you understand,'' he pressed a kiss on your forehead. ''How beautiful,'' and another one on your nose. ''You are,'' two kisses for each of your cheeks. ''Y/N.'' and one, long and heart-consuming kiss on your lips. You wrapped your legs around his waist, hands sliding to his wild purple hair. He hummed in content, hands wandering to your torso before settling on your neck. 

''Toshi...'' you said breathlessly as he began to lick and bite softly at your neck. You closed your eyes in delight, ignoring the fact that you'd probably show up with hickeys at school tomorrow; it was the least of your concerns.

''Do you want me to stop, kitten?'' his lips left your neck. ''I know we haven't done anything more than kissing, so we can stop if you want.''

You swallowed and shook your head. ''No...I um,'' you averted your gaze. ''I don't think I want to, you-know-what yet,'' he snickered. ''But I think I'd like to go a little farther with you.'' 

He smiled softly and it was until then that you noticed how quick he moved. His chin rested on your abdomen, hands squeezing your sides. ''I'll go as far as you let me.'' 

And with that, Shinsou continued his trail of kisses on your body. He descended from your neck and took off your cardigan and froze for a moment, waiting for your confirmation, which you gave with a nod.

His hands traveled your body and before you knew it, you were shirtless, exposed to your boyfriend's eyes. He breathed heavily. 

''God...'' you felt your core burn with desire as his face lowered to lick and kiss at your lower abdomen, all while keeping eye contact with you. ''You're so beautiful.''

Minutes or hours could've passed by, but all you could focus on was Shinsou's warm hands, the way he whispered sweet words to you, and the look of lust that clouded his eyes. And yet, he stayed true to his words and didn't let his hands wander to places you weren't ready to explore yet. 

And before you knew it, you were staring down at Shinsou, who had his head between your legs. One of his hands squeezed your thigh while his mouth licked and bit at your other inner thigh. The sight made you swoon. 

‘’Mmm, Toshi…’’

                                                ∘₊✧──────✧₊∘ 

You ended the night in his arms, body littered with soft love marks and hickeys. They made you feel warm and content, marked, and wanted. Knowing that Shinsou wanted you this way filled you with pride. 

His heavy arm was draped over your side as the two of you laid in his bed in silence. You hadn't said a word in a while but kept thinking about several things, the gears moving in your head and it seemed that your boyfriend noticed.

''What are you thinking about, sweetheart?'' he murmured. You smiled and pressed a kiss on his lips. Hitoshi smiled sleepily.

''Just thinking how lucky I am to have you,'' you shifted closer to him. With the moonlight seeping into the dorm and your face only an inch or two away from his, you could see the entire galaxy swirl in his eyes. It was a beautiful and mesmerizing sight.

''Oh yeah?'' he pinched your nose and you laughed. ''I think I'm the lucky one here. Never thought that an angel like you would be mine.'' 

''I'm no angel, don't be so dramatic,'' you giggled. Shinsou grinned teasingly and kissed you. 

''I'm not being dramatic, sweetheart, just honest.'' 

You smiled fondly at him and he smiled back. His legs were tangled with yours as you stared into each other's eyes. 

''Hm...'Toshi?'' you propped your head on your hand to get a better look at him. The moonlight shone on his face, giving him an air of etherealness. 

''Yes, kitten?'' he grabbed your hand and slipped it into his.  You squeezed his hand. 

''I love you.''

''I love you more, Y/N.'' 

translations;

Maldita perra - Fucking bitch.

‘‘Es una pendeja, no desperdicies tu tiempo en ella.’‘ - ‘‘She’s an idiot, don’t waste your time on her.’‘

No importa tu color de piel. - Your skin color doesn’t matter. 

this one is late but- taglist: @lonelyfangirl453​ @thatgoth-bitch​ 

#poc!reader #poc community #poc representation #mexican!reader #gn!reader #mha shinsou #bnha shinso hitoshi #bnha shinsou #shinsou x y/n #shinsou x reader #type: oneshot #tw: racism #tw: harassment #gender neutral reader #fanfic #my hero academy fanfiction #my hero fanfic #fanfiction #my writing #my hero academia #reader insert #mha x reader #BNHAxPOCweek #roque's writing

[izzyfandoms]

Right if you’re seeing this then I guess I finally managed to successfully put down all my thoughts on how I think the finale two-parter is gonna go! Yay!

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately lmao

(Edit: adding a Keep Reading cos this is LONG)

SO SVS2 ended pretty badly didn’t it. Yeah, Janus got accepted, but Roman is pretty clearly not doing great because of that - and quite understandably too

Janus treated him pretty badly in SVS1, manipulating him whilst simultaneously giving everyone the impression that going to the callback (following Thomas’s dreams, aka listening to Roman) was a bad thing. Now, did he do that deliberately? No, I don’t think so - I doubt Janus realised that his whole strategy in SVS1 just made everyone else more anti-callback, and I also doubt that he realised how much that hurt Roman

Just look at Janus’s behaviour in SVS2! He thoughtlessly admits that his flattery before was false (saying that he no longer needs to flatter him) - something that probably really hurt someone with such low self esteem like Roman. Like no wonder he lashed out, I’d be pretty upset too if I were in his shoes

And when Roman describes Janus’s behaviour in SVS1, Janus calls it a funny prank, likely not realising that that’s what Roman was referring to

(I’ve talked about this before, but watching Roman’s expressions when he reacts to Janus thoughtlessly saying these things is heartbreaking)

So, here we see that Janus treated Roman pretty badly in SVS1 - using him so he could get Thomas to do what he wanted - and then admitting to it in SVS2 like it was nothing

And I’m not saying this to be anti Janus, not at all, I love the guy! I’m just pointing it out to highlight one of - if not the - biggest flaw he has:

His selfishness and how self-centred he is

Now this probably comes pretty naturally to Janus, given his role, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t need to improve. Black and white morality comes naturally to Patton, and he still needs to wok on and is currently working on that. Being aggressive comes naturally to Virgil, but we’ve already seen him work on that

I don’t think he noticed how much his behaviour hurt Roman, and you can see that in SVS2 as he doesn’t seem to understand (or often notice) just how upset he was, and he didn’t seem to realise that what he did was wrong. He talked so casually about these things, and not in a smug way, but like it meant nothing - because that’s what it meant to him, so he doesn’t notice how it affects Roman

Janus doesn’t just do this with Roman either, you can see him basically doing this with Logan too, just without such an obvious reaction

He actively excludes Logan from things all the time - he silenced him in CLBG, he replaced and then excluded him in SVS1, and then replaced him again in SVS2

Logan above all else just wants to be listened to - by Thomas and by the other sides - and Janus is too focused on getting Thomas to listen to him then he is on how his behaviour hurts others. He doesn’t seem to think about how Logan just wants to be listened to too

Now Im sure you’re wondering how this is all relevent to the season finale two parter, which I already said that this post is about

Basically, I think that this is what the season finale two parter will be about

I think that Roman is going to continue opposing Janus, and that he’s going to turn to Virgil to assist him in doing so - as Virgil likely will, as he gets along well with Roman now and does not get along with Janus

(A lot of people seem to think that Roman’s going to go full dark side because of all this, and that that’s what the finale will be about, but I completely disagree. Mostly because from what we’ve seen so far that seems literally impossible. Sides are sorted into ‘light sides’ and 'dark sides’ by Thomas alone, it’s not a choice - Roman can’t just become a dark side because he feels like it

Virgil is only a light side because Thomas accepted him - which is part of the reason why I dislike how some people villainise him for leaving the dark sides. He decided to duck out, he didn’t decide to be accepted or to become a 'light side’. Choosing to befriend the light sides and choosing to duck out isn’t something I’d consider a betrayal

If the sides themselves decided who is 'light’ and who is 'dark’ then Janus at the very least probably never would’ve been a dark side. It’s not a real classification, because it’s purely based on how Thomas views his different traits)

I think that Roman and Virgil are going to confront Janus (with Thomas and Patton likely also present) and try to convince Thomas that he shouldn’t have been accepted. They’ll bring up the behaviour in SVS - perhaps even bringing up how the outcome was Janus’s fault, something you’ll know I firmly believe if you’ve been following me since before SVS2 - and we’ll probably also find out more details about Janus and Virgil’s history

(Janus probably felt betrayed when Virgil turned light side, despite how (as I said) it wasn’t entirely his choice, nor was it a bad thing as it benefitted Thomas greatly. Janus probably had a more self-centred view than he should’ve, but Virgil was probably less than sympathetic to Janus’s perspective and lashed out. That’s just some general speculating though, I’m really not sure and I’m quite excited to find out more about their history)

Janus will finally actually realise how his behaviour hurts people - or I guess the other sides, as they’re not people. He’ll probably get defensive at first, but I think he’ll realise and try to improve by the end of the finale

Hopefully lol - if not then I guess we won’t have the happiest ending to season 2

But this is not the only thing I think will happen in the finale, oh no

Because we’re missing two very important characters here - two characters who have probably been the most impacted by Janus’s behaviour, more than anyone else

Remus and the orange dark side

(This is honestly the main reason why I disagree with the fandom’s popular view of the dark sides as a family similar to the light sides. Because Janus was the one actively hiding Remus up until DWIT, and still is the one actively hiding Orange. He seems to have a lot of control over it, too, as he was able to reveal himself and seemed to Choose to reveal Remus in DWIT when it suited him

Hiding the dark sides seems to have been less Thomas’s choice than the dark side/light side split - this is something the sides involved seem to have actual control over

That doesn’t seem like a family dynamic to me - one hiding the other two from Thomas, someone who is basically Everything to the sides - and if it was/is one it doesn’t seem like the healthiest

Again, I’m not trying to villainise Janus here either. This was his job - he did it because he thought it was best for Thomas - and it’s a lot more complicated than Janus just locking the two of them away out of cruelty. He isn’t the sole side to blame, though he was the actual action of hiding them. Remus (despite the fact that he seems to desire attention more than anything else, the one thing Janus deprived him of) doesn’t seem to hold much of a grudge - though most of this I believe is due to Remus as a character. He isn’t really the grudge-holding type, though I really doubt he likes Janus much

Virgil talking about how Remus “used to really unsettle” him, and Remus describing DWIT as “just like old times” seems to support this in my opinion. They don’t seem to have ever been close, so I doubt the dark sides as a whole were/are close

I believe the dark sides were split between Virgil and Janus (the two dark sides with control - Virgil being allowed out, and Janus being in control of hiding himself and the other two), and Remus and Orange (the two hidden))

Anyway I’m rambling a little lol

BASICALLY, I think that Roman and Virgil are going to confront Janus, and that nearer to the end of it (either when the tension is at its highest, or when the characters are starting to come to some kind of agreement) Remus and Orange are going to pop up and bring themselves into it

I think this partly because this is very relevent to them, but also because I firmly believe that Orange will be introduced by the end of the season so they can have a new intro with all the sides in season 3

I think that throughout these two part episodes Patton will probably be mostly on Janus’s side, and that Logan will probably be the most neutral party, though his side of things (being repeatedly excluded by Janus) will probably be brought up by either Roman or Virgil

Most likely Virgil

So overall this will be about Janus and his self-centredness and how it’s harmed the other sides, and Thomas finally properly confronting how perhaps suppressing multiple different traits of himself were a bad thing

Aaaand that’s about it! Sorry that this got really rambly lol, I just have a lot of thoughts and wanted to fit them in

I love Janus - he’s one of my favourites, probably The Favourite side rn honestly, and I adore overanalysing him

Please don’t start discourse in the reblogs/comments, though debates and sharing your own thoughts on the matter are always welcome! Pls don’t bring any unsymp sides stuff into this either, as that makes me pretty uncomfortable

#sanders sides analysis #me #sanders sides #janus sanders #deceit sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #remus sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders #thomas sanders #orange dark sides #sanders sides theory #sanders sides theories

[sweet-shipper-dreams]

I know this is a stupid question because it is fantasy but: 1.) I have a hard time believing that my F\O loves me because why he should? It is like I cannot even allow myself these fantasies. 2.) I do not like Sharing my f/o with somebody else. I know that there is the idea of multiple universes but I am to stubborn or something. I know I should just accept. Do you have any idea what to do? Pls help. ❤️

Your question isn't stupid, anon. I know it feels that way, but we homo sapiens just love being hard on ourselves, don't we? We won't even allow ourselves a fantasy, or if we think we aren't fantasizing "right", then it's stupid. As if there's a right way to imagine what makes you happy.

A lot of what you said applies to many others, including myself. You're not alone here!

1.) Feeling like there's so reason your f/o would love you, it absolutely sucks, and I've gone through it a lot. There's multiple reasons one could feel that way. A) Your f/o's personality doesn't match yours, or their personality is such that you cannot imagine them loving at all. B) Your f/o has a particular type, and you feel you do not match it. C) You struggle to find good qualities about yourself, and think your f/o deserves better (hard relate). Those are just three, there could be plenty other reasons.

To this I would say: Don't underestimate how much power you have over your own fantasy, and don't be afraid to mould it exactly how you want.

If you cannot allow yourself a fantasy, twist it, bend it, shape it to be the perfect world where everything makes sense and you never have to question why things are happening the way they are. Personality differences? Your f/o is your f/o for a reason. If it's something you have in common, build on that! Cherish it, appreciate it. If it's the polar opposite of you, well, you still love them for being so wildly different, is it so hard to believe they do the same? Their world would be so monotonous if they never found someone who's different, who challenges them, who offers a new perspective. Make it a part of the fantasy that they adore the one thing that brought you together.

Are they the type of person to not fall in love? They might be lonely, they might be waiting for the perfect person, and that person is you! Don't underestimate destiny, the red string of fate, it's a perfectly valid reason for your fantasy to be reasonable, no questions asked. Pick your poison, suit your needs.

If the problem is insecurity, a self esteem issue, then of course, it's trickier. I understand how hard it can be to believe you deserve your f/os, especially if you think they could do better, or what would draw them to me?

The first step in this case would be to identify when these thoughts appear, and then shut them down. I won't ask you to eliminate them completely, or start thinking positively in the blink of an eye. These things take time. But someone said "if you don't have anything good to say, say nothing at all." Don't entertain these thoughts. Recognize them as self sabotage, and distract yourself if you cannot eliminate them.

In my case, said distraction is my fantasy.

Again, you have so much control over your fantasy. Bend it to suit your needs, it doesn't have to be pure, or artistically perfect, or even make sense. It's for you, and it should bring you joy.

You are an iconic hero! You conquered your own self doubt and decided to engage in what you like! Your f/o admires that - how amazing that you can engage in this act of self care and beat back those negative thoughts! It motivates them to not give in to their own self doubt.

Something big happened in the fantasy! You saved their life, or you helped them through a tough time, or you talked to them when they were feeling lonely. You did something, and your f/o never forgot how much they appreciated it.

Those reasons I gave up there are entirely self-indulgent (exposing myself out here), but that's the point. It's your story. Make up a reason, any reason, to allow yourself it.

2.) Not being comfortable sharing f/os is, again, completely valid! I know many people who feel the same, and it's not something to be ashamed about. People self ship for various reasons, be those comfort or romantic feelings for your f/o, and they are all reasonable. And some of these reasons make it so you feel possessive of your character. Some of us (me) introspect away trying to figure ourselves out (what I've landed on is that my f/o is a source of comfort, which I would like to be my own, and it feels weird that other people are using the concept that I've adopted as my comfort blanket. Your reasons could be different.)

The point is that if you're not comfortable sharing f/os, you can always mention this explicitly, ask people not to interact if they ship with the person you do, and just generally avoid bumping into self shippers who share your f/o. There's nothing wrong about that, it's a way to make sure both you and the other person involved are comfortable, you're not hurting anybody, you're just laying down your boundaries and leaving others to lay down theirs. In my mind, that's a very healthy way to self ship.

If multiple universes is not an acceptable solution to you, then it helps to think that no one knows your f/o, or has the same relationship with them, as you do. There's a unique, personal element to your self ship, as there is to every self ship, so cherish that instead of wondering if others are doing it better. Your f/o loves that uniqueness about you two, too.

I really hope I could help you, anon. I'm no expert on any of these matters, personally, and am speaking from personal experience and a very, very basic knowledge of psychology and coping mechanisms. I wish you the best, though, and if you're struggling with self esteem issues, then, know that there is someone out there who is proud of the simple fact that you're making a move to overcome them. Me! And if anyone reads this (wow, thank you) and has something helpful or some information to give to anon, feel free to reblog. I would love to see it, too.

#asks #self ship community #self shipper #this got deep wow #allow yourself your own self ship #your f/o loves you

[lucacangettathisass]

how the light gets in (ch. 8)

SUMMARY: After your home is ransacked by a group of strange men, you and your cousin are taken in by a group of outlaws. And that’s when the trouble really starts.

PAIRINGS: John Marston x Fem!Reader, Arthur Morgan x Fem!Reader

ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE, SIX, SEVEN

TAGGING: @mountainhymn if you would like to be added to the tag list just lmk!

NOTES: so sorry for the slow update! ive been doing some full on hours at work (my manager literally told me that im doing full time hours despite being part time lmao rip) so that’s been leaving me a little drained lmao but hey at least we got there!

more mentions of low self esteem, those are gonna be a lot more prevalent from here on out actually.

on another note, i’ve been wondering if i should rewrite this as an oc fic rather than a reader one. thoughts? i might not even do it, but im curious to hear what you guys think.

anyways, hope you all enjoy! and dont forget, likes are nice but reblogs are what motivate creators the most!

p.s. pls check out waking up slow by mountainhymn!!!! it is so wonderful im still crying

“Well, it really all started with my momma.” You felt yourself begin to fidget and made an effort to stand completely still. “She got a job working for a wealthy Russian widow, Mrs Zamolodchikova.”

Mr Morgan let out a low whistle. “Now that’s a name.”

You couldn’t help but smile. “A lot of Russian names are like that. As I was saying, she hired my momma to be a maid when I was still very young. Mrs Zamolodchikova treated us very well, we even lived in a little cottage she had on her land.”

Despite all the years that had passed, you still thought of that cottage fondly. It had been small and not impressive by any means, but it had been your home for most of your childhood. You had a lot of good memories of it.

“I...I lost my momma when I was seven.” Even now, twelve years later, it hurt to say. Your mother had been your whole world, everything began and ended with her, and it had never once occurred to you when you were a child, that you would one day have to face the world without her. She loved you too much to do that to you. And then it happened anyway.

You had never experienced a heart break like it before, or since.

“I’m very sorry to hear that.” Mr Matthews said gently.

“It’s alright.” You assured him, trying to speak around the lump that always formed in your throat whenever you thought about losing your mother. “She had been ill for as long as I could remember, it was only a matter of time.”

“I imagine your aunt and uncle took you in?”

“They wanted to, but Mrs Zamolodchikova stepped in. She said that she saw it as her Christian duty to take me in as a ward, and that’s what I became.” It had stunned you at the time to learn that Mrs Zamolodchikova cared for you that much. You would always be grateful for her kindness, it had changed your life. “She had no children of her own, so I think she wanted me to fill that gap.”

“That was very kind of her.” Mr Matthews sounded surprised, and you supposed that it made sense. You couldn’t imagine that he had come across many people willing to take in the child of an employee, particularly among the rich. You certainly had never seen such a thing in your time among them.

You nodded in agreement. “She taught me etiquette and how to behave in upper class circles, and as I got older I became her companion. That was how I met Mr Cornwall.”

A spark appeared in Mr Van Der Linde’s eyes, and you knew that you really had his full interest now. “How did that come about?”

“He was looking for investors in his business, he was just starting out you see, and he needed some capital.”

“So he went to Mrs Zamolodchikova?” Mr Van Der Linde asked. “She must’ve been rather rich.”

“Exceedingly so.” You said. “Her family is very old Russian money, and when she came to America with her husband, her wealth only grew, even after he died. I imagine Mr Cornwall thought that if he could convince her to invest, he would have an easy time of building his empire.”

“Did he?” Mr Van Der Linde’s eyes sparkled with a kind of devious curiosity, the kind most often found in children. “Convince her to invest that is.”

“I’m afraid not. Mrs Zamolodchikova found him rather...disagreeable.” A part of you still cringed on the inside just thinking about that meeting. It had started off well, and Mr Cornwall had certainly been polite enough, but once his true character came out, it all started to go downhill rather rapidly.

“In what way?”

You hesitated slightly. “Well, I mean, one doesn’t wish to disparage others when they don’t have the opportunity to defend themselves.”

A chuckle came from Mr Van Der Linde, and you even saw a corner of Mr Morgan’s mouth twitch.

“We just want your honest opinion, that’s all.” Mr Matthews assured you. “No need to be disparaging.”

You paused, trying to think of the right way to phrase it. “Mr Cornwall...well, Mrs Zamolodchikova and I found him to be rather...brusque and arrogant. When Mrs Zamolodchikova turned down his request, he got rather upset and he seemed to take it as a personal affront.”

“She must’ve grown to regret that.” Mr Van Der Linde mused.

“Not at all. Mrs Zamolodchikova was happy for him of course, but she was also happy she rejected him. She said she couldn’t imagine being in business with someone so...tasteless.”

“Tasteless in what way?” Mr Matthews asked.

“Well he was...very new money.” When you saw the looks of confusion on the mens’ faces, you tried to think of a better way to phrase it. “He was something of a show off, and a little gaudy. He wore a lot of gold, I imagine to try and impress, but it came off as vain and rather insecure. Mrs Zamolodchikova was very critical of that kind of thing, and when she saw how self aggrandizing he became after his success, she grew to dislike him even more.”

Mr Van Der Linde nodded slowly, and you could almost see the wheels turning in his head. “It sounds like you’ve lead a rather interesting life.”

“I suppose you could say that.” Your eyes roamed over the two older men again. “I imagine that wasn’t the kind of information you wanted, my apologies Mr Van Der Linde.”

Despite your fears, the black haired man smiled and waved a hand. “It’s fine Miss [Last name]. I was just curious, that’s all. Javier, why don’t you walk her back to where she’s staying?”

“Sure thing boss.”

You turned to leave with Mr Escuella, but you hesitated just as he put a hand on the door knob. “Wait.” All eyes were back on you, and you felt yourself flush, but you felt that you needed to get this out. “I just-I just wanted to add that Mr Cornwall is a very powerful man, and in my opinion, and in the opinion of mutual acquaintances that he and I share, he is lead more by pride and ego than wisdom. He doesn’t take insults lightly and can be rather harsh.” You were very careful and deliberate with your words, not wanting to seem like you knew better, but still wanting to convey your feelings of apprehension.

Mr Van Der Linde raised an eyebrow, and you got the feeling that he understood what you were trying to say. “Duly noted Miss.”

You nodded, and turned back to Mr Escuella, this time actually following him outside.

“You must’ve lived a pretty good life for a while.”

You shrugged and felt yourself blush heavily. “I suppose.” It always somewhat embarrassed you, knowing how different your life had been from other people, especially those who were born into the same class as yourself. “I honestly just think I got lucky.” You looked down at your feet. “Don’t feel so lucky now though.”

A heavy silence hung between you two, and you had to bite the inside of your cheeks to stop yourself from crying.

“Sorry.” You said softly. “I’m sure you don’t want to hear about my woes.”

“It’s ok.” Mr Escuella assured you, his voice kind again. “Considering everything you’ve been through, I’d say you have a right to let your feelings out.”

You looked at Mr Escuella in surprise. You hadn’t really thought about it like that. “You’re very kind.” You said sincerely. “Sadie might not think so but I certainly do.”

That brought a bright smile to Mr Escuella’s face, which made you smile in turn. You always enjoyed making people smile, it made you feel good, and you felt that it proved that you were useful and worth something for once.

“You’re a sweet kid.” Mr Escuella’s eyes were shining, although you couldn’t hazard a guess as to why. “Don’t let anyone beat that out of you, ok?”

“I-Ok.” You weren’t sure how else you should respond, being so unused to compliments from strangers. You watched as he held the door to the house with the other women open. “Are you not coming in?”

“Nah.” He smiled. “You stay warm ok?”

“Of course, and you as well Mr Escuella.” You went inside, and no sooner was the door closed that you were practically swarmed by Miss Jones, Miss Gaskill, and Miss Jackson.

“What did they want?”

“You weren’t gone for very long, did everything go alright?”

“Are you allowed to say?”

You felt yourself flush as you tried to keep track of who was asking which question. “It was nothing special.” You said. “They just wanted to know how I knew Mr Cornwall.”

Of course they all also wanted to know, and so you told them what you had told Mr Van Der Linde, Mr Matthews, Mr Morgan, and Mr Escuella-omitting your warning at the end.

Much like the men, they were stunned to hear your story.

“So you grew up pretty well to do.” Miss Jones said, in a tone that sounded impressed and envious.

“I-Well, yes, I suppose.” The embarrassment from earlier had returned. “I was extremely privileged.”

“What was it like?” Miss Gaskill asked, sounding wistful. “Being in that world?”

You paused, trying to think of a good way to describe it.

“When I was a little girl, it was dazzling.” You confessed. “All those men and women in their finery...it looked like an entirely different world. Like a fairy tale.”

“Oh yeah?” Miss Jackson raised a brow. “Meet any prince charmings?”

You laughed. “I met some well to do gentlemen if that’s what you mean.”

“I think she means suitors.” Miss Gaskill said with a giggle, and an eager look on her face. “Well, did you?”

“Oh!” A scorching heat unlike any of the others from before overcame you, and you felt your throat dry up. “I-Well-no.” You stammered, looking askance out of embarrassment.

“Really?”

You looked up and saw Miss Roberts looking at you with surprise. “You mean none of them tried to…” She trailed off, leaving you to fill in the blank.

“Not at all.” You said, your flush worsening. “After all, I was just a maid’s daughter.”

And therein lies the rub.

No matter how much you learned or how you dressed or how you behaved, everyone knew that you were just the daughter of a maid who Mrs Zamolodchikova had taken pity on. Most of them had been polite enough, but that boundary had always been there, and always would be. You had grown accustomed to it, the way one would grow accustomed to a permanent limp. And it left you with what you imagined would be the same level of alienation. It was one of the many unfortunate side effects of being born as yourself, and one you had learned how to deal and navigate the world with.

But it would always be a fairy tale to you. Beautiful, grand, never within your reach no matter how well you knew it. And you would always be that little girl that chased after it with every breath in her chest.

#arthur morgan x reader #john marston x reader #rdr 2 #red dead 2 #red dead fic #fic: how the light gets in

[softguks]

torn

@verylandcolorwagon Hey! I had a story request, could you write about Shawn Mendes, Camila Cabello, and Shawn’s female bf. The bf is on vacation with Shawn and Camila and she gets jealous of their relationship and the bf has health complications and something happens to her and Shawn is torn between his bf or Camila. I know it might be a stretch of you writing this but Thank You!

thank you to @sunrise-shawn and @sauveteen for helping me write this!

There’s the bitter burning sensation that tingles in the back of her throat as she blinks back the tears pricking in the corner of her eyes. Her heart thuds with a heavy drop, eyes welling up once more as she eyes the couple, cuddled up in the corner of the airport. Disgust and frustration bubbles up in the pit of her stomach, and she wishes so much that it could be because of how cheesy and fake they look, instead of the jealousy that courses through her. It’s her fault because she was the one to fall too hard and too fast, loving him more than a best friend should. ( in Y/N’s case a little too much )

She’s always loved him, a small ( huge ) and persistent crush that had been burning inside of her since their younger teenage years when they had shared the same algebra class. She remembers all the memories quite fondly, even up to when he had peaked in the music industry. Her heart twinges with hurt when she glances back up briefly at the sickeningly sweet duo, Camila pressed up against Shawn with their fingers intertwined and their eyes on each other. It’s always been harder for her, due to her lack of self-esteem and darker thoughts, she’d always been a teeny less confident around the beautiful women plastered by his side. She doesn’t think he could ever love her the way she loves him.

Shawn feels a sharp piece of pain that pricks at his heart when Y/N avoids his gaze, instead playing with the hem of his sweater that looks adorable on her. Her hair is messy, baby hairs framing her pretty face, her rosy cheeks matching the shade of her lips. There’s a lopsided smile that makes his way to his lips, snaking across his mouth like the way Camila clings onto him, and he can’t help the distasteful grunt that escapes from him. He gives Y/N a shy smile, frowning once more when she flashes him a weak one. And when he thinks back with a glazed expression on his concentrated face, he wonders if he should be thinking about her at all.

-

The ride to the hotel is quiet and awkward, Camila smiling kindly at her as she glues herself onto Shawn. Y/N bites back the discomfort that radiates from her figure, instead fidgeting with the strap of her suitcase and staring dreamily out the window of the cab.

-

“Y/N? What’s wrong? Looking a little down, I’m missing your pretty smile.”, his eyebrows are knit in concern and she wants to sob, scream, and hit him all at once. Because even now, jet lagged and all, he manages to look godly handsome while she stands next to him like a soaked squirrel.

“Nothing.”

Neither of them buy the obvious lie, but Shawn doesn’t poke any further, much to her relief, and instead reaches for her bags, being the gentleman he is. Y/N stays silent, following him into the room with an oblivious Camila.

-

“Okay, what’s wrong? It’s been three days and you still haven’t gotten better, what is it?”

She knows it’s no use, that Shawn can see right through her, and she knows that her hasty lies wouldn’t fool anyone. So she merely swallows the baseball-sized lump in her throat and mumbles out a soft answer.

“J-Just, my, uh heart condition. Hurting a bit.”

She isn’t lying, she has been feeling nauseous and light headed, a constant throbbing pressure that pounds in her chest as she massages her temples. Shawn’s eyes soften and he reaches for her, tilting her chin up to search for any signs of pain or discomfort. His arms wrap around her as he kisses her forehead, murmuring in her ear.

“Did you take your medicine? Drink water? Sleep enough? Do you want me to call the doctor? Are you alright, god Y/N, i’m so sorry, love.”

The name only adds to her uneasiness but she fakes a bright smile, a teasing glint that twinkles in her eyes. “I’m not a kid, Shawn. I’ll be fine.”

But she knows she really isn’t, but the look of relief that washes over his face, is enough to hold her for right now.

-

“Y/N, honey! We’re leaving in five minutes!”

“Okay!”, she tries to ignore the burning feeling in her chest, vision growing a little blurry. The room seems to sweep below her feet, walls shaking as she clutches onto the counter, chest heaving from the lack of air. Sweat glistens on her forehead as she hurriedly grabs her purse, rushing over in time to hear Camila’s grumbles.

“Why don’t you ever call me ‘honey’ or ‘love’? I’m your supposed girlfriend.”, she huffs slightly, flashing a glare at Y/N before stomping out of the room. Shawn smiles apologetically at her, before running out after her.

-

Y/N regrets not bringing her medicine, clutching onto her head as she buries it into the crook of her elbow, groaning out as she tries to clear away the pain burning in her chest. Her mouth feels dry and as her shaky hand reaches for the glass of water, her hand slacks and the cup drops to the ground, shattering into broken pieces and alerting Shawn of her presence.

“Oh my god, Y/N, hon, can you hear me? Y/N wake up, please wake up.”, he’s shaking her, watching as her head lolls to the side, eyes closed and with frantic fingers, he dials 911.

“I, um, my best friend is uh, unconscious. Yeah, no, yeah Y/N L/N, heart condition. We’re at the Oakley Bar...please hurry.”

Shawn can’t get the image of her body falling to the ground out of his head, playing like a broken record, taunting him of his carelessness to her. Guilt turns in his stomach as he follows them into the hospital, tears brimming in his eyes as he harshly pulls at his curls.

“Shawn. Shawn, let’s go back! I wasn’t finished with my shot. Shawn! Baby, come on, and you haven’t danced with me yet.”

Something in him snaps, as he cuts her off, “My best friend is in the hospital, unconscious, and all you can think about is drinking and dancing?” There’s a bewildered expression on his face and he hates everything ( particularly himself at the moment )

His heart pounds unsteadily, overwhelmed with emotions when he feels a rough tug to his shirt and an angry Camila whispering in his face. “You care about her more than me?”, she scoffs, shoving him back and throwing her hands into the air as she continues shrieking in jagged whispers. “Figure your shit out, Mendes! It’s either me, or her, you can’t have both.”

The words come out of his parted mouth in silence, unspoken words freezing in the misty air as he sighs, chest suddenly empty with realization. He wants so much to be able to pick Y/N, but he can’t. His heart sinks at the thought of losing her, but there’s something about Camila that he can’t get enough off. He’s known Y/N for longer, but he’s never actually questioned his feelings for her, and his heart pounds steadily despite the shock coursing through him. He feels broken, because i picking one means losing the other, and this is a battle that tears at his heart, one that brings a bitter taste to his mouth. As his breath hitches in the cold night air, he wonders who he should pick.

part 2? please reblog and leave some feedback. if you would like part two pls specify the ending you would like! :)

@curlyshawny @curlsofshawn @tell-me-when-ur-ready @particularnervous @artemissravenclaw @heyits-claire @shawnieeboyy @turtoix

[r-u-d-s]

This is going to be weird to me.

:So one of my friends tagged me into this little (or massive) game. Were the goal is to practically say more about yourself so other people and your friends might get to know ya better. So RULES:  Answer the questions and tag 20 followers. First i believe there was a post with the questions on them. Since i don’t see it i’ll just copy my friend list of answer and replace it with my own with the context given to me. As for tagging followers. Screw that.  Name: Rudy “I don”t see the need to hide ones name from the web.” 

Nicknames: Rudes, depression, (ones i give myself) Rudolph, R.A.G Zodiac Signs: Capricorn Hogwarts House: I don't care about this, Ravenclaw. Height: I should really pay attention to this more. 6′?” Sexual Orientation: I could go both ways when i want, but mostly into females. That sounded weird.  Ethnicity: Salvadorian born in the U.S. I know nothing else before that. Favorite Fruit: Apples and Mangoes, idk if banana counts as well. Favorite Season: Late Autumn, early Winter.  Favorite Book Series: Matt Myklusch’s Jack Blank Trilogy, Bethany Wiggins’ Stung and Cure, and The Dreamer by Pam Munoz Ryan and Peter Sis. (I probably don’t like Stung or Cure anymore.) Favorite Fictional Characters: This is something that i don’t remember much of anything. Prince Oliver from the Trails Series (Its that boi), Aegrus from Soul Sacrifice (I left a link to a wiki for him), Sigma from Zero Escape (FUCKING HATE CLOVER), and from Ys,  Adol Christin (pls stop getting on boats) Favorite Flower:: Cotton Flower, Lavender, Lily, Crocus. Favorite Scent: Vanilla And Cinnamon  I don’t remember much. Favorite Animals: Cats, Foxes, Humming Birds, Snakes, and Spiders. Its a weird bunch. Favorite Bands: Pendulum, NSP, Slipknot, SoaD, Three Day Grace (Not recently),  I find this unfitting, I’m adding a new Question to this. What Songs or/and Albums do you like? Adding this will make things more clear to music preference. Just because you like a genre doesn't mean you like everything there, or maybe you never explored a series or artist of something you liked. Favorite Songs and Albums: Sober from Tool, Drink the Sea from the Glitch Mob, 808s & Heartbreak from Kayne West, Theme of Love from the Final Fantasy 4 ost, Self Esteem From the Offsprings, and parts of the Four Seasons from Vivaldi I prefer Tea. Average Amount of Sleep: Let me just say I try to squeeze the most energy i can before i sleep for at least three hours.  Dream Trip: I don’t care. I just want peace. Last Thing I Googled: Porn. How Many blogs i follow: Well that is a boring question. 29 Blogs That Follow Me: What are you getting out of these questions? 6 some bots. Had more when i just used this site for Hentai.

What I Usually Post About: Mostly rebloges. I find this a stupid question when you could just check it out yourself. Do i Get Asks Regularly: Seriously wtf are the points of these lasts questions. No. Those last questions are boring and feel a bit intrusive. If anyone tags me for something stupid like this again at least make it more fun. Maybe add a question or two to share it along. I’ll make one.  Favorite Youtubers: Manlybadasshero, ChilledChaos. and Penguin0. Thats nice.  What questions should be off this list?

Anything related to the blog or what you do on this site. like followers and what you do. Sounds intrusive and like a bot. Either way you could just not answer them, but pls if someone wants to share this with a friend, leave a list of the question. Don’t just put a list with what you like without the question like my friend and a few other people like this. (that includes me)  For anyone who might encounter this feel free to just share with anyone you know or let them participate in this “game” (This is not a private intrusion) with anyone.

This took me two hours @rock-madoka 

#dumbshit

[dapperfvck-arc]

How do you run your blog?

Repost; Do Not Reblog

Speed: It really depends. Usually I’ll get to a thread within a week or two at the longest. Given that have several partners that I talk to and plot with daily/weekly, we generate a lot of new ideas frequently and when something takes awhile, it usually got buried by under a crust of new threads and occasional meme prompt ask. My drafts box is like an archeological site, I swear. Sometimes I do have trouble with inspiration for a reply, but usually it’s just a matter of getting wrapped up with my little circle of friends and co-writers.

A side note, during my working week, my productivity slows to a crawl. I’m usually better off in Skype or tumblr IM and may get to a thread or two either before or after work if I’m just not in lurk/shit post mode until I pass out.

Replies: Aesthetically I use extremely light formatting. The first word always bolded and italicized and default size with all other text smaller. I also bold the quotation marks in dialogue because it looks hella cool on my blog proper given that I have bolded/italicized text is a different colour than the rest of the text. It also looks classy af on the dash. Icons for either FC depending on verse or comic caps are used until it gets to nsfw stuff or with some drabble prompts. As for preferences, I’m really quite flexible. Honestly, tho, I’m a multi-para whore and with most threads, eventually they start to get longer and longer. However, unless I can’t parse my muse’s thoughts on a matter or situation, I won’t go in hard and fast on a one-liner or small single para. Unless you’re one of my people, but then again, you prolly already have experience being slapped with my throbbing multi-para hard-on. 

I don’t expect people to match me, and sometimes I may struggle to match length, as well, but I do like to see an attempt. Like if I give you a four para starter, I would prefer not to get a two sentence reply back (some of you are shaking your head, but this actually happened to me in my halcyon days in the community).

Starters: I don’t do greeters, because idk, for me it feels like when a teacher called on you because you weren’t paying attention. Nearly every time I’ve gotten a greeter, I’m unprepared and feel quite suddenly pressed. The RPC is already a ball of anxiety 85% of the time and I don’t want to add to anyone’s discomfort, providing I’m not the only crazy person who reacts to getting a greeter like a distant gunshot. Depending on how clogged my drafts box is and how busy I am, I probably post a starter call every couple weeks and open starters very rarely because like, idk, no one ever hops on them, so I don’t really feel like they’re welcome. In the case of the latter, I only ask that people read the tags. Some open starters are meant for mutuals, particularly ones with some established interaction.

Unless they’re plotted starters (or replies to longer ask box meme responses that I wanted to turn into a thread), they usually start short and often vague. Please don’t keep it vague. It drives me nuts. I want you to present an idea, go out on a limb, whatever (I mean within reason of course, use your common sense, too). 

Inbox: It’s a mess, tbqh. A lot of times I mindlessly reblog or queue memes, especially at work or when I’m out and about on mobile, and then don’t feel like doing them or get excited over certain prompts over others. I will say that I keep things in my inbox for a very long time and might get to replying to prompt weeks to months later. Frequently I will draft ones that I know will be long.

Selectivity: Hoooo boy. I’m pretty fucking selective tbh. I like my partners to be literate and of course be able to enjoy their portrayal/character. That’s not to say I’m not open to meeting new people and interacting with new muses. I don’t need to know your muse extensively to RP with you, but I’m also perfectly willing to educate myself (I’m not going to front, I was compelled to watch both Daredevil and Preacher for the sake of character/canon research, as well as starting to read Lucifer). Also, I mostly RP with mutuals, but again, that doesn’t mean I’m not willing to discover new mutuals, you feel me?

Sometimes when my stress levels are high or I’m drowning in drafts, I tend to be a bit more standoffish and stick to “my people”, however this doesn’t last for long and may be broken by a compelling enough new interaction.

Wishlist item: *pounds table aggressively* CONSTANTINE FAM! AND I SUPPOSE THIS IS REALLY SELFISH BUT I WANT A CHERYL OR GEMMA RP BLOG IN MY LIFE. AND IDEK MAYBE HAVING A CHERYL BLOG WOULD BE BORING AS SHIT, BUT A GEMMA??? SURELY TO FUCK SOMETHING FASCINATING COULD BE DONE WITH HER. Also: CHAS! ELLIE! HELL BLAZER CANON CHARACTERS PLS. 

ahem.

Anyway, idk, I really don’t have a wishlist? I mean, there are certain themes I’m keen to explore. Like my mythological bent to John, and developing certain verses, but like...all things considered I’m just more interested in world and relationship building than ticking off a wishlist of AUs or situations I want to see played out. 

Honest note: I’m fiercely independent, and I don’t put up with bullshit. Honestly, I don’t have much tolerance for drama and the easiest way to push me away is pull me into a vortex of social or interpersonal drama. Been there, done that, and honestly I can be a bit skittish if I start getting a weird vibe. I’m coming up on five years RPing on tumblr and there’s not a lot that shocks me anymore. 

A few more admissions:

-- I love writing ships. When I wrote fanfic, it was 95% shippy stuff. That doesn’t mean it’s all about romance, fluff, and sex, sometimes it’s just how two muses relate to each other or a glimpse into their lives together, but I know my strengths and tend to default to them. This doesn’t mean I’m out to collect lovers for John or am not willing to step out my comfort zone, just that there’s going to be a lot of that stuff here.

-- If we talk ooc, there’s a 100% more possibility that you’re going to get more attention from me both ic and ooc. It’s just a matter of comfort level. Though I might seem together and confident, it’s only really in regard to my writing. I’m intimidated by people who are so much better at being witty and fun and silly on tumblr and chatty about their characters and fandom outside of the constraint of meme prompts or whatever. I guess I’m just afraid of boring people or having followers roll their eyes like “omg Iggy stfu. Don’t you have twenty-odd replies? Chop, chop you anal retentive bitch.” Mind, no one’s actually said this to me, I just have dodgy self-esteem, honestly, and some days are worse than others.

-- If I tell you I think you’re a good writer, I mean it. This is important.

-- If I tell you I’m worried about the quality of a reply I gave you, I’m not fishing for compliments, I’m legitimately uncertain that you’ll like it. Just fyi.

-- I’m bad at writing m/f ships in any expedient manner. I have no good excuse for this other than being queer trash that would rather write about men being in love and lust. And uh, that’s not a good excuse at all. I’m just the literal worst and I’m sorry I come off as not inclusive enough. Honestly, I’m trying to be better about this deep failing of mine.

-- I apologize a lot for things I shouldn’t. Sorry lol

Tagged by: @vamptrampbamf

Tagging: @dcviltongued, @aliasinvestigate, @hittcr, @haharlarious, @riskedfalling, @hawkwxrd, @rageinmybones

#w ow this got real ahhgdhtghd