#on some level he knows shit is unacceptable but he's never learned Why and never will because theres no reason to
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Texts from the Lost Tomb, part 5.4
I swear folks once I get this and the last part up I’m gonna condense it all
But yeah couldn’t resist some <3
Zhang and Wu Chat
Wu Xie: Um. I’m all done with the shower if you want a turn.
Zhang Qiling: I’m alright without one.
Wu Xie: sooo are you pissed at me still?
Zhang Qiling: ? I have not been angry with you since the ladder incident.
Wu Xie: you’ve barely said anything since the necklace thingy
Zhang Qiling: I believe it is a long-running joke amongst my friend group that I do not, in fact, say much.
Wu Xie: okay but there are multiple gouges in the tea house walls that would suggest you had somewhat strong feelings today
and I kinda caused the events that sparked said feelings
so just checking in you know
Zhang Qiling: I was not angry so much as I was afraid. More afraid than I’ve been in a long time.
Wu Xie: ??? But it has worked out fine??? Everyone made it out alive and Uncle Erbai gets to feel morally superior to the Zhang family for a while so today was a win overall
Zhang Qiling: I heard you scream. I didn’t know what had happened. I couldn’t get to you right away. Therefore, I was afraid.
Wu Xie: ohhhhh. oh, Xiao Ge. It’s alright now—hey the necklace was actually helping u look out for me:) It’s not like those ppl were actually trying to hurt me, really. Your family isn’t so bad, at least you don’t have any uncles you know of
today was just some big misunderstandings wrapped in some poor life choices. Tbh my memoir title
I feel kind of stupid for screaming but when a glowing necklace wraps itself around your neck it’s a little uhoh moment lol
I did like the design tho def my aesthetic.
Zhang Qiling: I am pleased that it was able to protect you when I was not.
Wu Xie: Uh no you are not allowed to get all emo abt this it’s only like 3pm
damn time flies when it’s flashing before your eyes lol
Are you on the roof? You’re def on the roof. I thought I heard the tiles moving over my head. Come down or I’m coming up.
Zhang Qiling: I will be down in a moment. Do not come outside, it’s cold and raining.
Wu Xie: you know, Zhang Rishan said he thinks the necklace might be linked to you, somehow
something from long ago, even though you wouldn’t remember it.
It’s lucky that it liked me, huh:)
Zhang Qiling: Yes. Quite lucky.
Babysitters Club Chat
Wang Pangzi: AWW LOOK AT HIM NAPPING ON YOUR SHOULDER SO CUTE. BEBES HAD A BIG DAY. YOU TWO ARE PRECIOUS. BE GOOD AND POSE FOR THE PICTURE NOW.
Zhang Qiling: No. Also, I am considering what steps I should take with Zhang Rishan. Regardless of his concern for the Zhang family line, his actions were unacceptable.
Wang Pangzi: HES DROOLING A LITTLE ON YOU WHICH IS LESS CUTE BUT I CAN CROP THAT PART
LOOK I KNOW YOURE STILL PISSED. IM NOT EXACTLY CALM MYSELF, I JUST HAVE WAYS TO SKIRT AROUND TIANZHENS BULLSHIT FILTER THAT YOU LACK
GET ON MY LEVEL
WU ERBAI WILL HANDLE IT, THINGS HAVE SETTLED I THINK
BUT ABOUT THAT NECKLACE
SO INTERESTING HMMM
Zhang Qiling: I am the patriarch of my family. The necklace behaved as I would, apparently, to protect a vulnerable family member. Wu Xie’s bad cold last week activated it, and it responded to a perceived danger to him today. Simple enough.
Wang Pangzi: UH HUH
A FAMILY MEMBER
THE NECKLACE REALLY SAID LOVE WINS
TOLKIEN COULD NEVER
Zhang Qiling: It protected him on a technicality. But I will not allow him to bear the burdens of my family ever again. It has taken so much from him already.
Wang Pangzi: YEAH SURE BLAH BLAH DESTINY BLAH BLAH ANGST
“A TECHNICALITY” WOW WHO SAID ROMANCE WAS DEAD
ANYHOO IM SCREENSHOTTING THIS FOR UR WEDDING RECEPTION SLIDESHOW
YA KNOW DURING MY SPEECH
Friends of Wu Xie Support Group Chat
Hei Yangjing: you’re welcome for everything today<3 I accept PayPal, although of course it is always my honor to assist my friends:)
Wang Pangzi: WE ARENT PAYING YOU SHIT
Zhang Qiling: You did absolutely nothing.
Hei Yangjing: whoa whoa maybe I wasn’t threatening family members or busting up load-bearing walls like some undying divas I could name but I totes helped
or at least I was there for moral support maybe?
Zhang Qiling: The only reason I knew you were there at all was that as I lowered my blade from Zhang Rishan’s neck, I heard the camera click and saw you were taking a selfie making a peace sign, angled to have the two of us in the background.
Xie Yuchen: I saw it on social media just now. The caption is “#greatdaycatchingupwiththelads #blessed”
Wang Pangzi: TBH KIND OF JEALOUS I DIDNT THINK TO DO THAT
Hei Hangjing: okay yeah you see Xiao Ge that is a modern kind of help I should’ve known you wouldn’t be aware
It’s called performance, you wouldn’t understand
it’s a ‘Gram thing
Also it means I’m a great person
Bc letting you handle the situation was my gift to you
Zhang Qiling: Wu Xie mentioned there is something called “blocking ppl” that gets them out of my phone.
Hei Yangjing: nah
Can’t trust that Wu Xie, bae can’t tell a coffin from an urn amirite
it’s not a thing, blocking
Xie Yuchen: It is a thing. I’ll show you later, Zhang Qiling.
Wang Pangzi: YOU BOYS GO GET CLEANED UP AND COME BY AROUND 9 I SNAGGED SOME OF ZHANG RISHANS BOOZE ON THE WAY OUT
Bonnie and Clyde Chat
Hei Yangjing: you looked pretty comfortable in those handcuffs earlier ;););)
Xie Yuchen: Go to sleep, idiot.
Hei Yangjing: You’d have to do something to tire me out ;););)
Xie Yuchen: Are you like this around Wu Xie? Not that I care, I’m just asking.
Hei Yangjing: uh that’s a big nope
First off all Idk when I’ll die but Id prefer it to be on my terms and not at the hands of those other two
Secondly there is a part of me that remembers how adorable he was when he was younger and that makes it weird
(No offense but u were not adorable. He was bebe luke skywalker, you were bebe princess leia I am obvs Han Solo 4lyfe)
Also I’m a little scared that if i flirted with him and he flirted back he’d be better at it.
Xie Yuchen: All valid concerns.
Hei Yangjing: as cute as he is I don’t really wanna tap that.
Xie Yuchen: I see.
Hei Yangjing: do you tho
Main Chat
Wu Xie: okay folks who wants cocoa to top the evening off? I picked some up today:D
Wang Pangzi: UH YOU SPENT YOUR DAY BEING KIDNAPPED AND PLACATING A SENTIENT NECKLACE WHEN DID YOU HAVE TIME TO GET GROCERIES
FRANKLY THATS INTIMIDATING
Wu Xie: the tea house gift shop:)
Wang Pangzi: …YOU BOUGHT COCOA FROM YOUR KIDNAPPERS. FROM THEIR GIFT SHOP. DURING YOUR KIDNAPPING.
WU XIE
WU XIE WHY
Wu Xie: I mean we were there the whole day, it felt impolite not to buy anything.
Wang Pangzi: OH RIGHT GREAT POINT ID HATE TO BE RUDE TO THEM AFTER THEY WENT TO THE TROUBLE OF ABDUCTING US
LISTEN WHEN PPL STEAL YOU IT BECOMES FREE REIGN ON THEIR SHIT
UGH YOU PROBABLY GOT A RECEIPT AND EVERYTHING
WAS UR LITTLE SHOPPING TRIP BEFORE OR AFTER THEY STUCK U IN A DUNGEON TO EXPERIMENT ON YOU
WAIT NVM I DONT WANT TO KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT
Wu Xie: look, let’s focus on the positives/ we are all okay, and we learned something new, that necklace is still active! It’s really quite nice-looking when it isn’t moving of its own volition.
Wang Pangzi: YOU AND YOUR RELENTLESS DUCKING OPTIMISM
ZHANG QILING ARE YOU SEEING THIS
Zhang Qiling: I would love some cocoa. I’ll come to the kitchen.
Wu Xie: I have special marshmallows for you!!
Wang Pangzi: I SEE
WE ARE SUBSCRIBING TO THE PRESTIGIOUS “FUCK IT WHY NOT” SCHOOL OF THOT TONIGHT
LOL SURE LETS GO COCOA IT UP
IVE GOT SOMETHING STRONG TO POP IN IT
Wu Xie: Still thinking about that design… I’d love another chance to examine that necklace under less Zhangy circumstances.
Kinda sad we couldn’t borrow it to use for illnesses and dangerous missions :/
ah well it’s for the best, a family heirloom should be treasured, preserved and protected<3
Zhang Qiling: I put it on your dresser.
Wu Xie: ???????
Wang Pangzi: AND THATS WHY YOU AND I ARE FRIENDS, XIAOGE <3
Wu Xie: I—
Zhang Qiling: Are those bunny-shaped marshmallows for me?
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hc’s for Kuroo and Bokuto with a fem!s/o that DOES NOT STOP TALKING!!EVER!!! like she seems quiet and calm at first, but then she surprises them; please 🥺🥺 xo
due to my illiteracy i read kuroo and kenma sdsjdksj i still wrote bokutos hcs tho so dw! thank u for this request<3
kuroo, kenma and bokuto having a talkative fem s/o.
—kuroo tetsurou.
so when you and kuroo first started dating
you guys were kinda nervous at first but thats natural for a new couple
after a few weeks though, you guys began opening up quicker and more comfortably with each other
communicating became much easier as well when you both learned each others love languages through lots of trial and error 💀
then came this time where
it was as if
your soul had switched with someone elses
because kuroo knew the type of person you were and what you were like
but that was not what he felt when he saw you excitedly chatting away with your friends regarding some movie that came out last week
(you guys are also laughing HYSTERICALLY with each other and omg kuroo has never seen that big of a smile on your face EVER)
kenma had to poke his sides to bring him back to earth cus dude was just that shocked
“KENMA WHAT WAS THAT FOR??-?-?-?1?1”
“you’ve been staring at y/n for a socially unacceptable amount of time, you look like a creep.”
“OH! HEY KUROO YOU’RE ON LUNCH BREAK”
oh my god. kuroo would think at first. who WERE you???
he realised that maybe all this time, the reserved and quiet you may have just been the first layer of your personality, maybe you just needed the time to adapt to the changes?
and so will kuroo lmao
“KUROO KUROO HAVE YOU SEEN THIS NEW MOVIE” “WE SHOULD WATCH IT” “ITS ACTUALLY REALLY NICE AND”
“y/N??? DO YOU NORMALLY SPEAK FHIS MUCH???” he was so used to seeing your calm and relaxed composure
and now that you looked like the epitome of chaos, he felt so cheated that he wasn’t able to get you to be like this in the first few weeks of the relationship
“YEAH!!! but MAYBE im on a SUGAR RUSH right now IM NOT ENTIRELT SURE BUT”
kuroo is just watching you speak, this dumb smile on his face as the truest form of you flourishes in front of him
he’ll start acting like a parent at some point because YOU ARE CRAZY MAAM
“y/n stop yappin’ and EAT” “WAIT WAIT LOOK AT THIS TEASER FOR THAT NE-”
he’d deadass shove a whole onigiri in your mouth just to tease you for a bit
he also likes that he can make jokes and make you laugh louder than before
hes just so happy to see this side of you 🥺
—kozume kenma.
kenma is going to be SO SHOCKED
ngl he’d probably look at u with his brows like >:0 “where did u take my girlfriend!!! where is my girlfriend!!!”
and you’d be in this happy mood so you are PEAK chatty right now so you’re laughing at kenma’s face cus 💀
were your two personalities really just that different 💀💀
kenma will have to get used to your sudden outbursts of excitement conversations every now and then
boy has NO idea what triggered you into switching personalities
but i guess kuroo helps him connect the dots and hes like oh and then hes like oh :D because its a good thing that you willingly act like this in front of him
esp without feeling embarassed or anything hes happy you’re comfortable
its also really cute when you suddenly feel like youre rambling too much
your arm would cling around kenma’s and he’d listen to you ramble about this new netflix show that was released a few weeks ago but it was totally cliche so you told him how the entire internet made fun of it
then when you turn your head to look at kenma, hes just looking forward and you’re like “sorry, rambling arent i?”
“its not a bother,” he’ll say, sliding his fingers to wrap around yours. “if you want we could watch it together for the fun of it”
and thats literally what yall did and oml is kenma glad to see the chaos unfold in front of him
(you were not wrong when you said it was cliche, kenma almost puked at how cliche it was lmfao)
he’ll defs poke fun at the way youre loud just around him and your closest friends but when youre with other people youre just crickets
sometimes when hes playing, you’ll watch his screen and suddenly start braiding his hair
and boy does he have some silky locks despite all the bleaching
then theres another situation where hes playing and you’ll be right beside him, commenting and yelling when they’re in a danger zone
“KENMA IF YOU STAY THERE YOURE-” “I KNOW I KNOW IM TRYING TO GET OUT” “QUICK!! YOUVE ONLY GOT 10 SECONDS LEFT”
“pft kenma you got your girl over or sth? we can hear her” an online friend is gonna say and kenma’s JUST BLUSHING AND STUTTERING, TRYING TO EXPLAIN
you can hear kuroo’s hyena laughter through kenma’s headphones 💀
and since you got to see kenma stumble all over his words and act like a nervous trainwreck, it was overall a very enjoyable experience for you
“sooo when are you gonna play again?”
HES GOING TO PINCH YOUR CHEEKS AS A PUNISHMENT
but you like it cus kenma does this cute nose scrunch whenever he pinches your cheeks
and ever since you’ve shown kenma this side of you, the teases between you and him have been endless
you both make sure never to go too far with the jokes tho! so alls good :)
—bokuto koutarou.
bo would prolly be so confused at first like yall know that one ep where hes up against karasuno for that summer training camp and hes just (°_°) YEAH
he’d be like that for the first five seconds before shit clicks
“Y/N!!! Y/N!!!!” “KOU!!! KOUTAROU!!!!” and cue the big couple hug
and every other third year is like 💆🏻♀️ here they go AGAIN
and akaashi is literally holding bokuto’s hotdog he literally threw in the air
“A- AKAASHI DO YOU SEE THIS” “yes, bokuto-san, please lower your voice”
bokuto is just 🤩 @ you and he can’t seem to take his eyes off your lips, he loves the way they move
sometimes when yall are in the same class, everyone purposely puts you two on each end of the class
just so that your vibes dont mix and end up causing an explosion
but distance makes the heart grow fonder 🥴
SO THERES LITERALLY NO DIFFERENCE
but even if you two become a lil too loud for everyones liking, they still enjoy the atmosphere you two bring
also loves to invite you and akaashi to walk home together because 🥺 the energy is just so nice
hes also glad that his girl and his best friend can speak comfortably
also rip akaashi’s ears whenever you two start laughing or yelling about some stupid puns you read out loud on the way home
now, during practises after school
the entire fukurodani vbc has to constantly remind you guys to tone down your noise levels
no, not those noise levels
but the way both of you can speak so passionately when talking about things you both have mutual interest in
there’ll be lots of jumping around and always expect the unconscious hand-holding, bo just really likes to hold hands with you
“Y/N YOU LIKE THIS MOVIE??1?2?1?-?1?” “YEAH IVE LOVED IT SINCE LIKE,,, FOREVER!!”
and obvi bokuto’s gonna bring up and ask you why and how you suddenly have so much more energy than before
and you’re just like “i’m only like that for a while 🥺” and you tell him you only start showing the way you actually act when you’re fully comfy w the person
his face softens, relieved that he can make you feel safe in his presence
hes happy that you’ve come to feel that way
so he becomes clingy for the rest of the afternoon you’re not complaining
#haikyuu!!#kuroo tetsurou#kozume kenma#bokuto koutaru#kuroo tetsurou x reader#kenma kozume x reader#kuroo x reader#kenma x reader#bokuto x reader#haikyuu fluff#hq fluff#haikyuu headcannons#hq headcanons#hq hcs#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu x you#bokuto koutarou x reader
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I have two unpopular opinions 1) if roles were reversed and Dean was the one drinking blood, Dean stans would have excused the shit out of it and even liked it. 2) if none of Dean's trauma was addressed and ignored (like most of Sam's trauma is) Dean stans would fucking riot.
intensely aggressively strongly agree | strongly agree | agree | neutral | disagree | strongly disagree
(sorry in advance, I ranted A Lot)
2) I'm gonna start with this one. YESYESYES I mean dean stans are already constantly unironically whining that dean's traumas never get acknowledged (EVEN THO IT'S LITERALLY NOT TRUE, HIS TRAUMAS ALREADY GET ACKNOWLEDGED MORE THAN ENOUGH. EVERY TIME HE STUBS HIS TOE. EVERYONE IS CODDLING HIM AND ASKING HIM HOW HE'S DOING. HALF THE SHOW IS LITERALLY DEAN MANPAINING ABOUT HIS TRAUMAS - but apparently that's not enough for them, so I can't imagine the uproar if it was actually true). meanwhile sam's traumas either get ignored or they get treated like a fucking joke? well I guess it's just another tuesday
I've also seen a lot of dean stans moaning about sam "forcing dean to talk about his traumas", because apparently sam actually acknowledging dean's traumas and encouraging him to open up about them and being always supportive af because he actually cares is unacceptable (and I'm willing to bet that if he didn't acknowledge them, they'd still complain because sam literally can't win no matter what he does)
but dean ignoring and never acknowledging sam's traumas (not even when he's directly responsible for said trauma) or making them all about himself (mystery spot, hallucifer, soullessness, gadreel possession) or vilifying and victim blaming him (being force-fed demon blood, soullessness, gadreel possession) or using said traumas to justify his actions (hallucifer) or making cruel, disgusting and unnecessary jokes about them ("you had a girl inside you for a whole week" [meg possession] "you know how wrong that sounds, right?" "you've like an episode of teen mom" [gadreel possession - let's talk about how these two in particular are a thousand times more disgusting than the rest since he's actually joking about a violation he's directly responsible for] "smores foot" [bmol torture] "crybaby pie" [cole torture] "you saw the [devil's] john [or butt]?" [the cage] dick of death jokes right, left and center) is perfectly acceptable behaviour
1) again YESYESYESYES. I mean, this isn't even a hypothesis, we already have an extremely similar storyline for dean - the moc - and everyone made excuses for him and glorified him, even tho he was worse than demon blood sam in every possible way
actually I wrote a rant on reddit a couple of days ago about the awful double standards between demon blood sam and moc/demon dean. I'm gonna paste it here because I'm Bitter Af
comparing demon blood sam and moc/demon demon is ironically and hysterically bitter because, logically, no matter how you spin it, s4 sam is much more understandable and easy to sympathize with - both in intentions and actions - and should have the moral high ground, while s9-10 dean was flat out awful and damaging. yet both the show and the fandom crucify sam and treat dean as some poor victim or a great martyred hero who made some great noble sacrifice and I just... don't get it. so let's break it down:
> reason for drinking blood / getting the moc
- sam: exorcising demons without harming the host, thus saving people (which apparently isn't that relevant to dean) and killing lilith, first because she sent his brother to hell and then to stop the apocalypse and because she was an actual threat
- dean: because he couldn't face the consequences of his actions after the gadreel mess and decided he wanted to kill abaddon, who, at that point, wasn't even their problem (she only became a real problem in 9x17, when they learned about the soul harvesting, so unless dean has some sort of prophetic knowledge, he had no reason to take the moc in 9x11) and was a real threat to no-one but crowley
> trusting / working with a demon
- sam: I've already said this before, but ruby was a master manipulator and went to extraordinary lengths to gain sam's trust and even managed to fool every single demon (aside from lilith obviously). as far as both brothers knew, she's done nothing but help them, saved their lives multiple times and helped them save others, fixed the colt for them, was there for sam after dean died, is basically hunted by other demons for helping them, has risked her life for them several times and even got tortured for them and was helping sam to go after the demon who was trying to start the apocalypse. sam had absolutely no valid reason not to trust her. I'd really like someone to look me in the eyes and tell me that, if anyone did everything I mentioned above, you wouldn't trust them
- dean: trusted a demon who they knew is extremely untrustworthy and self-serving and only does what's in his best interest and has screwed them over one way or another every time they worked together and has hurt people they're close to
> level of manipulation involved
- sam: as I already said, ruby was a master manipulator and spent two years carefully manipulating sam to get him to do what she wanted. not the mention everything azazel did to get him there, lilith pushing his buttons at every turn to get him to kill her and the manipulation from heaven as well, who were lying to the boys at every turn
- dean: while crowley was manipulating him, the level of manipulation isn't remotely comparable to the one sam went through is s4. crowley saying “let’s kill abaddon” and pretending to be afraid of cain is not comparable to a plan that’s been set on motion since the beginning of time and crowley wasn't the only one involved in dean getting the mark. cain was involved as well and he wasn't manipulating him (unlike sam, who was being manipulated by everyone involved). on the contrary, he was completely honest with dean and even offered to tell him more about the mark and DEAN REFUSED (like can you imagine how many problems would've been avoided if dean sat on his ass for one minute and listened to cain's warning???)
> actions
- sam: in s4 sam was trying to use something that was forced on him when he was six months old, and that he hated about himself, to do good because he felt like he had to and was literally SAVING PEOPLE and trying to stop the apocalypse, I literally still don't get why he's vilified for it????? in s4 sam killed a total of one (1) person: the possessed nurse and while that was obviously bad, 1) he was clearly upset about it and 2) I still haven't seen one (1) valid reason for why she's any different from the demons dean drained and killed in swan song or from any of the other possession victims they killed with the demon knife or the angel blade
- dean: meanwhile dean was going around murdering people left and right (also another example of fandom double standards: everyone defends moc!dean and demon!dean because "he only killed bad people" - which isn't even true, but let's say he was - and yet, I seem to remember a certain kitsune named amy pond, who was ALSO killing bad people (and not for the lolz of it, but to save her son) and dean killed her and the fandom defended him back then as well. is killing bad people okay only if dean does it?), tried to kill sam, beat cas bloody
> keeping secrets
- sam: keeping his powers and the demon blood a secret was his god given right, since it affected no-one but sam himself and the demons he was exorcising. not to mention, he had pretty good reasons for not telling dean, considering his bigotry, black and white views and judgmental attitude. and yet, he was, and still is, vilified by both the show and the fandom for keeping secrets and dean even punched him for not telling him about his abilities (something in particular about this point that absolutely drives me up the wall: in 4x04 sam accidentally revealed that he knew about what azazel did to him and dean got mad at him for not telling him about it, even tho dean himself found out about it and didn't tell sam and no-one - not the show, not the fandom and not even sam and dean themselves - notices the hypocrisy. they're literally saying that it's okay for DEAN to keeps something about SAM a secret from SAM, but not okay for SAM to keep something about HIMSELF a secret from DEAN. if you don't think that's super fucked up, then I don't know what to tell you)
- dean: no-one says anything about dean keeping the effects of the mark a secret, even tho, unlike s4 sam, lying about the mark directly affected other people and put everyone around him in danger, including sam
> general treatment
- sam: everyone treated sam like a monster in s4, dean straight up called him a monster, told him he'd hunt him if he didn't know him, forced him into a torture-detox that almost killed him, tried to control him and refused to see his point. at the end of s4 sam apologized to dean. in s5 dean repeatedly told him that he doesn't trust him. sam was blamed for everything that happened in s4 and his mistake kept getting brought up even seasons later
- dean: everyone and their mom was coddling him and helping to get rid of the mark. everyone considered the mark to be the problem, not dean himself. sam was unconditionally supportive. dean never once apologized to sam for any of the awful things he said/did to him while he had the mark. sam never once blamed dean for anything that happened in s9-10 and instead placed the blame on crowley and none of the things dean did ever got brought up again
> at the end of each arc
- sam: paid for his mistake by sacrificing himself and jumped into the cage and saved the world and got tortured by the devil himself for centuries
- dean: paid for his mistake by having his mother brought back to life
send me unpopular opinions
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well, i finally 100% completed hyrule warriors age of calamity in its entirety, including post game content, so i’m finally going to write a full review. beware this review will contain every spoiler imaginable so please do not click the read more if you haven’t finished the game yet and don’t want to be spoiled!
tl,dr; this game is a lot of fun despite some of its shortcomings and it’s really nice to see characters get the development they needed in breath of the wild. also a huge improvement gameplay-wise from the first game. if you’re a fan of breath of the wild it’s worth a try, just don’t expect breath of the wild style of gameplay! and if you’re a fan of the original hyrule warriors, you are going to love this a lot. ok now to get into the details. this is extremely long;
about the gameplay; it took me a while to fully adjust to the new controls and mechanics, but once i finally understood it it was so much fun. i originally wasn’t crazy about the sheikah slate runes since it was difficult at first to remember that a. i had that ability, and b. when the proper time to use it was. but when it finally clicked for me it brought a whole new interesting layer to the gameplay that challenged my memory in a fun way. it took me even longer to learn what the use of the rods were but those were great in a pinch once i figured it out. i also loved the flurry rush mechanic since dodging is a pretty important aspect of the gameplay. all these new layers added to this gameplay makes me wonder how i ever put up with the original hyrule warriors gameplay lol. something i wasn’t entirely crazy about was the wall jumping and paraglider stuff? i never really found it useful and it always just became a problem when i was trying to dodge and i’d be confused about why my character was slowly flying around at critical moments.
the camera in this game was pretty frustrating. with the more organic map & lots of tight spaces (which i’ll get more into later), the camera would get stuck a lot and you’d be unable to really see what’s going on and it got pretty frustrating at times. i wish there were some way they could fix that but i’m not sure what they could do without having the camera go out of bounds & show the edges of the map. maybe they could’ve made some of the objects that are in the middle not be things the camera get stuck on though.
i also felt like there were too many special effects going on with some enemies and attacks, sometimes it would cover up large parts of the screen & you wouldn’t be able to see what you were fighting and that was pretty stressful (i found myself frequently yelling “i can’t see!!” when i’d defeat a guardian or something in a room with lots of other enemies. this only became an issue in the later parts of the game though.
now about the maps, i do love how much more organic and natural they are. it’s a big upgrade from the original which had a lot of wide corridors leading into square rooms which were allied/enemy basses. but unfortunately, this causes issues with navigation and the camera getting stuck (like i mentioned before). i had a lot of problems where the map was too natural and i was confused about why i was getting stuck on level geometry when it looked like i could walk through there. i think the breath of the wild style makes this confusing too because you can’t really undo a thousand hours of being able to walk through nearly everything. but also it was just really unclear what was a wall and what wasn’t sometimes. i was surprised i actually had to zoom in on the mini map and look at that to move around at times. definitely an ambitious aspect of the game & i appreciate the effort and detail, but i don’t know if it works that great for this style of gameplay. i also don’t know why they bothered putting so many small details on the ground if they’re just going to pop in so close to the camera. it was kind of awkward when you cleared out all the enemies & were traveling to another location and it was the only noticable thing on screen.
speaking of ambitious, we can’t ignore this game’s framerate issues. it’s the first thing on everyone’s minds when talking about this game. most of the time, it was pretty acceptable. but they definitely pushed this game farther than the switch can go and it shows. i really appreciate the love they put into making this game as detailed as they did, but i don’t know if it was worth it in the long run. there’s only a couple times i can think of where the framerates got absolutely unacceptable, and it always seemed to be when there was a lot of electricity and enemies on screen at the same time. it happened once during the final vah naboris mission and another time where there were a ton of electric lizalfos all shooting electricity at once at the same time you have to fight an electric lynel. but, i’m not the kind of gamer that loses my shit over dropped framerates, i grew up with the n64 & have had to put up with poor early emulation many times in my life so framerates don’t really phase me until it just gets unplayable.
wasn’t crazy about how many late game missions were just boss rushes, but that’s pretty standard hyrule warriors fare. at least it was more fair in this game where most of the time you only had to fight one boss at a time and the next boss wouldn’t spawn in until you beat the first one, so there was no risk of accidentally aggro-ing a boss in another part of the map & have an unfair fight on your hands like in the first game. it was pretty anti-climactic how the seemingly final mission which had the highest recommended level was just another boss rush, and not even the hardest one (it was just a bunch of regular malice bosses in a row).
bit of a side note but i didn’t like having to grind for materials and find koroks for 100%. the koroks weren’t nearly as bad as breath of the wild though, thank god.
i’m pretty disappointed that some content that’s clearly in the game isn’t unlocked in the base game, it’s looking pretty likely that they’ll add it as dlc later & pretend it’s new content to make the game relevant again...i’ve always firmly believed dlc should be extra content that’s added in later. hopefully they’ll add some really cool stuff as dlc alongside the stuff that’s in the game & it won’t be so disappointing. there’s two characters i was sure would be unlocked as playable characters (sooga and astor) but i found it weird that you don’t get them in the post game and instead you get to play as the egg guardian (terrako) and calamity ganon???? talk about subverting expectations. also really frustrated to learn that zelda’s royal dress isn’t available in the base game but its in the files & is just missing one body part?? really hope that’s just a free update and not like, paid dlc. kind of dumb that they didn’t give the devs one extra day to model feet on the character.
about the story; the story starts out really strong i feel, i loved seeing characters get the development they didn’t get in breath of the wild and this game’s story makes breath of the wild’s story feel even more incomplete than it did before this game came out. and actually seeing the story play out in chronological order in real time without link having amnesia gave the story so much more feeling and connection. this is probably my favorite aspect of this game because i was always so disappointed with how disconnected you feel in breath of the wild because of the way the story is told. and it does so much of a better job illustrating link and zelda’s feelings. i’m probably the single most difficult person to convince when it comes to link and zelda being in a relationship or having feelings for eachother and i thought this was quite possibly the best master sword scene in any zelda game;
in previous games link has always had to prove his courage in a variety of trials spread across the land and to me its really boring, especially after how many times its been done. the thing that gets me about this scene is the master sword deems him worthy because of his desire to protect zelda even when he’s been beaten down & disarmed. that was a really beautiful moment to me & i’m glad they wrote the scene this way.
speaking of being worthy of power because you want to protect someone, i wasn’t really that crazy of zelda unlocking her power just because she loves link but honestly this game illustrated it in a much better way & i’m more down with it now. i loved this shot how it really captured what she was feeling;
it’s also in general awesome to see the champions in action, both in gameplay and in cutscenes. i remember being in awe the first time i got to play as urbosa. it feels like we finally really got to know them and how powerful they really were, instead of breath of the wild just telling us they were cool & we just had to believe it.
now for the part i know people say this game is shit because of; the time travel aspect. yeah, it’s a little silly and nonsensical, but honestly, it was kind of fun. and i don’t get how a time travel plot is somehow weird for the zelda series. the most critically acclaimed game of this series, ocarina of time, is entirely revolved around a time travel plot & the heroes would not have won if it weren’t for time travel in that game. yeah, it’s goofy, but this series is known for its nonsensical aspects & plotholes. there’s always some kind of unexplainable magic in this series that solves problems. i don’t think that makes this game shit. plus i was kind of starstruck when i first got to play as sidon lol. i was thinking to myself, man, who would’ve known 3 years later we’d get to play as sidon! crazy! none of the champion descendants were really my favorite to play as but it was still cool to see them & play as them.
something i didn’t understand was why kohga and the yiga clan joined zelda’s cause? i feel like a vital scene got cut. i don’t get why he’d join even when astor betrayed him, considering his group’s ambitions and how many times they tried to kill zelda. and where’d sooga go? the scene of astor betraying them kind of implied he was going to die but we never got confirmation of that, and he even shows up in a post game mission as an ally (no cutscene, just one line of dialogue during gameplay)
as for the ending, i guess it was alright? astor was a really lazily written villain and i just did not care for him at all. kinda don’t even care that we don’t get to play as him (yet, probably). calamity ganon’s design in this game was terrible. and i guess it would’ve been hard to make it work, but no beast ganon? just felt a little to easy to wrap up. despite this i guess it was nice to see hyrule get a happier ending even if it was a bit nonsensical at times. also this is just a bit of a personal thing for me but i liked seeing hyrule before it was destroyed. it always bums me out when you find a locaiton in game that’s been destroyed & you can only think about what it mightve looked like before. this is something that’s bummed me out since wind waker (was always disappointed you don’t get to see what greatfish isle is like!!) and breath of the wild gave me so much disappointment in that aspect lol.
one final thought but it was odd to me how many lines revali got & how often he interacted with link lol. was weird to see him slowly warm up to link a little towards the end (but of course he’s still a little mean...). no other character acknowledges link as much as revali. this scene confused me the most??
there were so many other people revali could’ve spoken to. he barely even acknowledges teba who was the one who specifically came to his aid!! and the way link looks at him with big puppy eyes?? link barely makes a facial expression at anyone else! and how revali expresses gratitude for the first time in his life after looking at link’s stupid cute anime face and smiles (but he turns around because he would be too ashamed to smile at link i guess)
anyway that’s it, i finally got out all my thoughts about this game. this went on way longer than i intended and i’m sorry if you read the whole thing & it took forever lol. this game is fun, get it.
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Captive Love 25
UF!Sans x Reader (or Frisk if you wanna)
Summary: Papyrus yells at Sans to get his shit together, but he's a mess...
AKA Sans gets drunk... and remembers some things from the past... that he'd really rather not..
A/N: There is some... possibly triggering events... experiments and tiny skele abuse... little Papyrus is too cute and sweet... Also mentioned possible death. It, as usual, is separated with the ~~~ and should be (at least mostly) safe again at the next set, safe summary in the end..
Masterlist Series Masterlist
Story
Blackout.
Sans rolled over in his bed, feeling like the scars on his chest were going to break through and destroy his soul.
The sun blared outside, shining into his sockets.
"fuck off," he growled, rolling back over.
Papyrus pounded on the door, making the sounds reverberate through his skull. He couldn't tell if it was louder than normal, or it just sounded like it to his throbbing skull.
"GET YOUR STUPID, LAZY ASS UP, SANS!! I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE!! I KNOW YOU WENT OUT DRINKING AGAIN LAST NIGHT, LIKE THE FUCKING MORON THAT YOU ARE!! YOU'D BETTER BE DOWNSTAIRS IN FIVE MINUTES, OR I'M COMING BACK UP HERE FOR YOU!! YOUR STUPIDITY IS NO EXCUSE TO BE A LAZY DRUNK MORON!!"
.
The day was hell- actually, life was hell at the moment…
His brother yelled at him about how stupid he'd been every chance he got- like he didn't already know that he'd royally fucked up.
Every place he went reminded him of something he'd shown, or wanted to show (Y/n), her excitement at all the different things she'd never seen before had warmed his soul every time.
Each time someone asked where his pet was made his soul thrum and ache to be close to her. ...and punch the person in the face… She was so much more than the pet they'd had to pretend she was.
Every time he got Grillby's, he remembered her face of delight as she ate it for the first time.
Every bite of his brother's food reminded him that she'd been there and helped him get better at cooking.
Every time he rolled over in bed and smelled her scent caught on the pillow, or the sheets…
And then there was the time he'd gotten back from drinking, and had been stumbling around drunk in his room, kicking random stuff on the floor, only to discover a pair of her underwear that he'd probably tossed in the corner in his haste to get to her.
That had made him collapse in a heap of self hatred and regret.
.
Sans sat at the table, stabbing his fork at his dinner aimlessly.
“I MADE YOU A WONDERFUL, DELICIOUS, HOME COOKED MEAL! DON’T FIDGET WITH IT AND ACT LIKE IT’S THE TRASH YOU FILL YOURSELF WITH AT THAT GREASE TRAP,” Papyrus snapped at him.
“sorry, boss…”
Papyrus clenched his jaw, staring at his own fork pushing around a bite longer than necessary.
“I WARNED YOU. I TOLD YOU NOT TO FUCK IT UP. BUT YOU HAD TO GO AND DO THE STUPIDEST THING POSSIBLE TO FUCK IT UP.”
Sans didn’t say anything.
“YOU DID IT TO YOURSELF.”
“i fuckin’ know, boss!” Sans yelled, scooting his chair back from the table. “i know i’m a fuck up! it’s pretty fuckin’ obvious that i always manage ta fuck everythin’ up!”
Papyrus sniffed haughtily. “I’M GLAD THAT YOU KNOW. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?”
“i can’t do anythin’ about it! i fucked up, an’ she hates me! i took ‘er back ta th' edge a th' boundary, an’ there’s no way i can ever find ‘er, now!” Sans glared at his plate of food. 'sides, she wouldn't care- not that i'm sorry for being an asshole, not that i've been tryin' ta be a better monster, an' made great progress, too! maybe only a lil before i met 'er, but her bein' here made it so much easier to be better…
Papyrus scowled at his brother. “THERE’S ALWAYS A WAY-”
Sans cut him off by standing up, his chair making a loud noise as it almost fell over, and started towards the door as he muttered, “i’m goin’ ta grillby’s…”
After grabbing his coat and slamming the door after him, Sans shortcutted to the bar, intent on getting wasted.
.
A few drinks in with a good buzz, Sans started looking around.
He wasn’t quite drunk enough to not remember, but it was at least a bit hazy.
“Heya, Sansy!”
He looked over to the bar stool next to him, seeing the cream colored bunny next to him, ordering a drink. He followed her to her regular booth, and they began matching shots, seeing who could get the drunkest first.
.
Sans opened his eye sockets, his fuzzy eyelights looking around the bar, seeing some drunk monsters starting to be a bit more friendly with each other.
His skull fell to the side as he shifted, realizing that he’d missed a bit of what had happened. He straightened up in the booth seat and looked down at his drink again.
Maybe he should try to find someone…
Even if it was a one night stand, it would be someone to try to get rid of his memory of- no… thinking her name would only start the hurt again… make his soul burn with the knowledge that he was to blame for fucking his life up beyond repair.
But, finding someone might be a good idea; he needed to at least stop jerking off excessively to her panties, or reading those stupid, mushy, trash books he hid on his shelf while imagining that she was the leading lady- and he was lucky enough to be the bastard who’d seen the error in his ways and was given a second chance…
…
Sans tossed back his drink and took the half empty glass from the passed out bunny across from him, downing it as well.
He was finally kicked out of the bar, Grillby chasing everyone out as he closed.
Sans took a shortcut home, but ended up in the field near the echo flowers he had planted to remind him of Waterfall, where he used to look at the Underground “skys” and pretend the crystals were stars.
He yelled loudly for a minute, then tried again, this time making it within a short distance of the house.
He swayed dangerously, but he made it in through the door, getting to the foot of the stairs and seeing the door to the hidden room open. He went to it, hand stopping short only due to him passing out across the floor with a thud.
His vision had gone dark.
Darker...
…yet darker…
…and darker, still…
…
…
…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sans felt his soul floating above his body, unable to move as Gaster held him there with his weird powers.
“Just hold still, you little shit…”
Sans could handle it… as long as he left Papyrus alone, he could handle it…
“P-PAPA…”
“What is it? What are you doing in my lab? Why are you here?” Gaster demanded roughly in irritation.
Sans fought as hard as he could to shift his eyelights to see his little brother. He needed to stay away! Sans wished that he could talk, yell at Paps to run, to go hide, to never come there, ever again- but he could hardly shift his eyelights.
“WH-WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO SANS?”
run, bro, run! Sans begged mentally.
“Well, you see, you weak little fool, monsters are stuck underground. We’re not here because we want to be. Your useless brother here, is going to help us escape,” Gaster told him.
“THAT’S AMAZING, SANS!” Papyrus shouted in proud joy.
Sans tried to will his brother to leave, to save himself from the sadistic monster towering over him.
Papyrus’s jaw hit the hard floor as Gaster smacked the back of his skull so hard he fell forward.
“Don’t be stupid, you worthless little runt,” Gaster snapped as he tore the ragged stuffed animal from his grasp. “He’s only a part of the experiment, he’s not doing anything worthwhile.” He held up the prized toy and ripped it’s limb off. “Just like this garbage is only making you weaker.”
“NOOO!” Papyrus cried, a heart wrenching sob that made Sans’ soul hurt.
Gaster glared at the small skeleton on the floor. “You have no need for this trash,” he sneered. “It’s as useless as you are.” He tore at the thing until it was completely in pieces and destroyed.
Sans wanted to punch Gaster in his stupid cracked face.
Gaster plucked Papyrus from the floor and turned to hold him where Sans could see. “Look at how weak you’ve made him,” he gloated. “If you didn’t coddle him and try to protect him from the real world, he’d be stronger.”
Sans could feel his magic gathering in his bones, pushing and fighting against Gaster’s hold on him.
Gaster looked Papyrus in the socket. “You should thank your brother for this- for making you as weak as you are.”
A shot of fear showed on Papyrus’ face before the first hit came.
Red, hot, magical tears built in Sans’ sockets as he fought to get free, to help his brother, but he was only able to sort of flop around on the table.
Papyrus’ cries and tears were background noise for Gaster’s cries and accusations, telling Sans that he could thank himself for his brother not being able to defend himself, telling Papyrus to thank Sans for making him so weak. His gleeful cackling mixed with the noise of the attack.
One of the machines in the room kicked into another level, sounding like it was reversing the flow it had been using.
“sssstttppppp…”
“Haven’t I taught you boys anything? Emotions are weakness.”
“sssttoppp…”
“Weakness is unacceptable- weakness will get you dusted.”
“sstoopp…”
“I thought I had taught you both better- but maybe you’re just slow learners!” The thought was accompanied with a manic and near demonic grin. “Maybe you just don’t learn- maybe you need to be taught over and over and over-”
“stop,” Sans choked out.
Gaster was too focused on what he was doing to notice at first, but when it seemed like a circuit or fuse had blown, he paused his movements.
Sans started shaking, his body twitching every which way as he fought, fought to be able to save Papyrus.
He felt a power just beyond his phalanges, he could almost reach it-
The tears in his sockets grew, starting to stream down his skull, as he stretched himself to touch it-
The power in the lab started to flicker, and Sans felt like his soul was being ripped into tiny pieces with a cheese grater, digging into it and shredding the super sensitive entirety of his being.
“What are you doing, you stupid fucking brat,” Gaster demanded, glaring watchfully at him, ignoring his screams of pain.
Sans couldn’t hear him, though- he couldn’t even hear the screams leaving his own mouth, he was only consumed with protecting his brother, stopping Gaster from hurting him.
A loud crack echoed in the room, followed by the power cutting off and slowly starting back up.
Sans felt weightless, like he had no restraints.
He threw himself from the bed, but felt that he didn’t even touch the floor. He was held by a gathering of power- the same power that he’d tapped into.
The power that was…
Gaster sneered as Sans stood before him, attempting to adjust his magical hold, but it didn’t affect him.
Sans clenched his fists and gathered the power there, ready to stop the attack on his brother, a shimmer moving around his fists.
Gaster cackled at him and tossed Papyrus to the floor. “So, you’ve finally done what you were meant to do this whole time.” The tall monster reached for Sans, but his magic didn’t affect him. He made a displeased face at Sans before flourishing his hands, the gems in the centers of his cutout palms gleaming as he grabbed something in the air and pulled, lines attaching the two shimmering to visible for a moment.
Gaster grinned dangerously in accomplishment and jerked the lines, making Sans stumble forward.
“And to think; all it took to motivate you was a little smacking around of your brother… Maybe I’ll make you…” Gaster manipulated his hands in strange ways, and Sans could feel himself being tugged around by his own magic. “Yes, I could make you the one that hurt him instead… but, I think that I’ve taught him enough about the dangers of being weak… now I think I’ll teach you the dangers of caring for others-” Gaster twisted his hand and made Sans pick Papyrus up, holding him even with his eyelights. “How it can only hurt both parties in the end.”
“i don’t wanna, pap, i swear,” Sans begged him to understand as he felt his hand being drawn back. “i swear it’s not me, paps- ya know i’d never do anythin’ like this ta ya…”
“But it is you, Sans, look at your hand, it’s the one that’s about to hurt the one you love,” Gaster sneered from behind them.
“‘s not- ‘s not, paps- y’re my lil bro, i love ya-”
He was going to kill him-
Sans was going to kill Gaster for making him do this.
“The best part, is that the more monsters I link together, the more power I’ll have… I’ll be able to break down the barrier all on my own- as soon as I link enough souls together,” Gaster crowed in victory.
Sans looked down to his ribcage where his soul sat, seeing a string connecting it to Gaster’s soul, a strange bond forming between his soul and the holes in his palms, the gems floating in the middles, that he’d never seen before- in fact- he didn’t think he’d ever seen this glow before on Gaster.
Sans focused hard, letting go of Papyrus and took a hold of the line and tugged, pulling Gaster instead, turning the larger monster to him and making him stumble to be the right height, even for him to pull all the energy he could into his hands, summoning a large bone and swinging hard, hitting Gaster in the skull, seeing the flash of fear and realization just before it connected.
Gaster fell to the ground, limp, and Sans dropped the bone, letting it disappear as he stared in shock.
Did… Did he just kill Gaster?
He knew he thought about it a lot…
He knew that he wanted to do it to stop him from hurting his brother- wanted to punish him for hurting his brother…
But… why wasn’t he turning to dust…? Why was there… blackness leaking from him?
~~~~~~~~~~
Sans turned to Papyrus when he felt a bit more certain that Gaster wasn't going to get up and attack again.
He felt his soul twist in knots at the expression of pain and fear on his small brother's face, sure that it was partially due to the crack from his maxilla, between two sharp teeth, up and heading to his cheek bone. But the other part would have to come from…
"b-bro-" Sans' voice caught, his hand freezing in mid motion, his phalanges starting to curl closed into a fist. “i… i’m sorry, bro,” he murmured.
Papyrus threw himself into Sans’ arms, small, almost silent sobs leaving his small frame.
Sans felt his soul twist again.
“i- it’s a’right, paps- i- h-he… he’ll never hurt ya again. never…” He murmured against his brother’s skull. “i promise…”
Papyrus held tighter to him, trying to hide his silent sobs better.
“i- imma help ya become th’ toughest monster out there. ain’t nobody gonna mess wit ya…” Sans stroked over his brother’s skull, not quite sure what else to do to comfort him. “ya- ya are th’ great an’ terrible papyrus, after all…”
Papyrus mustered up the strength to give a soft, “Nyeh Heh Heh…”
Sans held his small form closer to his chest, curling around him. "it's ok, paps… everythin' is gonna be ok…"
He just had to get rid of Gaster's body…
After a moment, an idea came to him, and, thinking it through while he held and comforted Papyrus, it seemed to hold up…
He'd hated all these years of going to the lab with Gaster, but… looks like they were finally going to be good for something.
He didn't think anyone else knew about the void between realms that Gaster had accidentally tapped into while trying to find a way out of the Underground.
"S-Sans…" For once, the small skeleton's voice matched his size.
"yeah, paps?" Sans asked quietly.
"Are… Are You Going To Be My Dad, Now…?"
Sans felt like he was the one who'd been smacked in the back of the skull with a bone attack.
"i- n-no, paps- i'm still yer brother, i- i ain't fit ta- i ain't old 'nough ta be a dad-” he corrected, trying to put it in a way that Papyrus would understand, “but… imma take care a ya like one, 'k? ya don't have ta be scared, imma take care a ya… i'll keep ya safe…"
Papyrus tightened his hold on Sans. "I'm- I'm Going To Keep You Safe, Too," he murmured.
"that's 'cause y're gonna be th' biggest, strongest monster out there. no one'll be able ta beat ya, 'cause y're th' best…"
Sans held his brother tight, feeling the newly awakened power burning through his bones as the two held each other, swearing that they'd keep each other safe and alive, no matter what it took.
A/N: Safe summary:
Gaster is experimenting in connecting souls together, using his powers to hold Sans down, when little Papyrus comes down with his precious stuffed animal to see what they're doing.
Gaster hits Papyrus as punishment for being "weak".
Sans completes the connection of his soul to Gaster's to break his paralyzing hold on him and protect Papyrus. At first it works, but then Gaster uses two crystals type things (that Sans has never ben able to see before and isn't sure what they are) in the holes of his hands to focus his power and control Sans, making him hit Papyrus, as punishment for caring for and loving him. Sans tells him the whole time that it's not him.
Sans regains control and stops himself, using gravity magic to bring him down to level, and then manifests a bone attack and hits him, very hard, in the head.
Sans wonders if he's killed Gaster, and holds Papyrus close while trying o figure out how to hide Gaster's body.
Sweet moments ensue in the mostly safe part.
#underfell sans x reader#uf!sans x you#red (underfell) x y/n#underfrick#underfluff#tsundere sans#reader insert#y/n#mutual pining#romance#angst#fluff#multi part story#Read on AO3#past abusive relationship#Sans is sad without Reader.
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Never Know Who’s Watching
You know who's watching, you need to all ways watch your back especially when you know you’re doing something wrong.
This is a fan work I make no profit off it. My Hero Academia belongs to its original content creators.
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The teachers looked uncomfortably at the rat, dog, bear creature at the head of the table. Nezu didn’t seem all that put off by the pair of eyes staring at him, he was after all used to it. Why wouldn’t he be? He was an animal with a quirk, after all, this was bound to cause stares. This, however, wasn’t the cause of the stares.
Instead, it was a screen with what some might consider disturbing footage of a student threatening another student with their quirk. Not to mention all the comments, who appeared to be students from the same school, classmates of both students. Only the comments seemed to be focusing on all the wrong things, in fact, it seemed to be egging on the behavior.
One comment said, ‘Looks like he’s at it again.’
‘What did that loser do this time? Can’t he just keep his head down.’
‘Some people just don’t know how the world works.’
‘Who wants to bet that he said something dumb again. LOL.’
‘OMG, that kid is still around, I swore that he killed himself.’
Normally it wouldn’t be any of the teacher's business, this wasn’t any of their students. The problem was that the tags on social media clearly stated that the abuser was going to be a student at their school. UA takes its reputation very seriously, their students and potential students represent the school with their behavior reflecting on the school. To see such awful behavior in plain view being witnessed by their own possible student just goes to show the oversight on the school's part.
Which is why the teachers were here. To make a decision on the boy in the video's future, ironically the other student being assaulted was also an incoming student. What should they do? Changing his homeroom teacher, it looked like they would be in the same class. Place him in general studies, that way he can get his act together. This wasn’t only the principles decision to make, it is the teachers as well.
Nezu linked his paws together, “So, what should we do about this incident?”
Thirteen raised their hand, “We can place him in another department, it’s too late in the year for him to apply for another school, at least even if it’s not Heroics he can still get an education.”
“Wouldn’t that send the wrong message though?” Present Mic said, crossing his arms over his chest, “General Education isn’t a punishment, and a lot of the time students who didn’t make the cut to Heroics go through General.”
“That’s right,” Vlad King said, “I saw his exam scores, General would be a waste for him, why not keep an eye on him, if it’s a first offense then, I don’t see why we should ruin this kid's chances at becoming a hero.”
All Might was strangely silent to the entire discussion.
Nezu listened as the teacher's debate or argue over a course of action. In a perfect world Nezu could imagine helping this child on the right path, with them being able to achieve their true potential. It’s what any teacher would want for any child. In reality, though, some people can’t be helped by others. They had to help themselves before others could help them.
“Aizawa, this young man is supposed to be your student, it ultimately falls on you to have the final if any actions should be taken.
The shaggy-haired man glared at him tiredly, to him the solution was obvious to him. He had seen many punk kids before, growing up he even dealt with them. “ We revoke his acceptance.”
The teachers stared, that was too harsh.
“What a minute Aizawa, I get the kids a little rough around the edges,” Vlad said in the kid's defense, “but there’s no need to go that far.”
Nezu raised a paw, silencing the homeroom teacher, “Can you explain why this course of action would be best?”
“It’s because he should know better. I don’t know about his home life or what he’s thinking, but I do know one thing, his behavior is unacceptable.” Aizawa looked at the principal in the eye, “The way he acts, shows that he’s done this before and to the same kid no less. This is a grudge that should have no place in a school environment, this behavior should have been stomped out ages ago.”
Nezu took the heroes' words into consideration. He’s right, like many times. This child was another one in thousands, they are a school for heroes and frankly, despite his impressive performance, he still has a lot to learn. He just hopes that the child could use this as a wake-up call, if he still aspires to be a hero then there is no reason why he can’t apply again next year.
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Bakugo Katsuki couldn’t believe what he was reading, what the hell, right? Why was the greatest hero school in the world rejecting someone like him? The stupid letter was making bullshit claims about him being out of line or some shit like that. He read the letter:
Dear, Mr. Bakugo Katsuki
Thank you for your response to our letter of acceptance. The Admissions Committee has discussed at length about your prospects for the upcoming academic year. It is with a heavy heart that we send you this letter.
As you know, the Committee takes seriously the qualities of maturity and moral character. After careful consideration, the Committee voted to rescind your admission to UA High School.
We are sorry about the circumstances that have led us to withdraw your admission, and we wish you success in your future academic endeavors and beyond.
Yours sincerely,
Nedzu
Principle of UA High School
Bakugo exploded the stupid letter with his quirk, the fuck did they mean about rescinding his acceptance, this was complete and utter bullshit. He was leagues above everyone else with his kickass quirk and smarts. They were making a mistake if they couldn’t see the mistake they were making by rejecting him. This was shitty Deku all over again.
“Deku…” Katsuki growled, letting out a string of explosives from his hands, “it was him, it’s always him. THAT BASTARD!”
Katsuki stormed out of the house, but not before causing his mom to yell at him and him to yell back at the crazy bitch. Every time something wrong happened in his life Deku always had something to do with it. Getting accepted into UA. The sludge villain incident. Mumbling about heroes. That day in the stream. WHO THE HELL DID THAT BASTARD THINK HE IS!?
“DEKU!” Bakugo called from outside Izuku’s apartment, banging on the door, “GET OUT HERE YOU PIECE OF SHIT!”
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Unknown to the explosive teen, Izuku wasn’t home that day. It was the weekend and he was off with All Might who wanted to spend time with him for some reason. Izuku had told his mother Inko that he was meeting with a friend, who helped him train for UA which technically wasn’t a lie, but not the entire truth either. It was just luck that he missed Bakugo’s rampage.
Inko, however, was home alone and scared out of her mind. There was someone at her front door banging on it, calling out a name. Inko didn’t see much point in trying to calm down the clearly feral individual at her doorstep, so she called the police.
Inko kept her tears at bay, glad that her son was out right now, who knows what he would have done. He was a sweet boy, so he would have tried to defend her. “Hello, this is the police speaking, what is your emergency?”
“There’s someone trying to break down my door,” Inko whispered trying to keep her voice steady, flinching at every bang at the door. “He keeps calling for someone, and he won’t leave, I’m too scared to tell him he’s got the wrong house, I think he might turn violent.”
“Don’t worry, help is on the way.”
Inko dropped the call. All she could do now is wait and hope the intruder doesn’t have any quirk that might be able to break down the door.
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Back outside Bakugo could feel his anger and frustration rising, the bastard was ignoring him. Who the hell did that Quirkless reject think he was, ignoring him? Not that of it mattered anymore, all his hard work went down the drain when that letter came in. So Bakugo let loose all his power onto the poor door.
A scream was heard, from the inside of the apartment. Glaring through the hole, all the middle schooler saw an empty house, but someone was there, just not Deku.
It was probably just his bitch of a mom. Deku should have been out by now, it didn’t look like he was home. Bakugo kicked the door, he had come here for nothing.
Police sirens echoed from the entrance, along with the sound of rushing footsteps. Bakugo was met with hero rejects of police officers pointing guns at him. “Freeze, don’t move, and drop on your knees kid.”
Bakugo wasn’t stupid, he knew he was in trouble, he lost his cool and stomped to a nerds house. Bakugo went on his knees, there was no way he was going to be some villain in his story. He’ll get out of this and do what he is meant to do, he’ll win this and then everyone will be sorry.
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Tsukauchi couldn’t believe the utter garbage coming out of this kid's mouth. Who the heck did this kid think he is? In what world did causing a public disturbance and threatening a single mother would be grounds for a slap on the wrist? The kid was taking it all cooly or as cooly as he could with his poor attitude.
This kid was angry, but this was an entire level of anger. Thank goodness the person he was looking for wasn’t home, because, from the look in that kid's eyes, Tsukauchi would have been sure that the call would have been more serious. He fears that someone could have been dead in his altercation.
The police were able to take a statement from one Midoriya Inko, who couldn’t for the life of her understand what the boy’s problem was. Inko, however, cared very little, gave her statement and left hoping to put the entire ordeal behind her. Not that the man could blame her, it looked cut and dry to him. Not to mention that the mother had filed a restraining order for Bakugo to stay away from her and her family.
There will be consequences for this, he would make sure of it, not to mention he’s glad that her son had missed the entire encounter. The detective had heard a lot about him from Toshinori and it seemed like a stroke of bad luck that the kid would have had an encounter weeks before the end of the year. The least he could do was tell Toshinori that the kid's mom was alright.
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Bakugo could only stare angrily at the entire thing. He was being treated as a common villain by people who couldn’t even cut it as heroes. He looked to the side at his “counsel”, some lawyer bitch who came in talking about how she would get the charges dropped against him. Before he could even run, her off his mom punched him over the head to shut him up and to accept her damn counsel.
Which is how Bakugo found himself staring face to face with her. A woman with a face so fake that he knew this was an act, she wanted something from him. “So, what do you want bitch?”
She smiled, “My my, what poor manners you have, how are you going to get out of this if you can’t even play the part of a troubled teen?”
“THE HELL YOU SAY!”
“Don’t worry, we’ll get you a plea deal and then this episode will be behind you.”
“LIKE HELL!”
The lawyer gave him a dead-eyed stare causing him to freeze, he didn’t know what it was all about, but something about her told him to shut up and listen, “I know you were just showing off your power, nothing wrong with that sweeter, but you gotta play the system, if you don’t then you end up here. Let me do all the talking and everything will be okay.”
Bakugo couldn’t help but believe her.
“Now look I’m friends with the judge, he’s going to send you to a special place where you can use your quirk all you want, as long as you don’t get cause everything will be fine, for now though,” the lawyer rummaged through her purse and placed a book in from on the restrained teen, “why don’t you catch up on some light reading.”
When the woman left Bakugo stared at the book reading the title, Meta Liberation War.
#midoriya izuku#katsuki bakugou#my fanfiction#fanfiction#my hero academia#boku no hero academia#villain! bakugo#aizawa shouta#aizawa sensei#deku midoriya#deku#inko#All Might
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Hi Scorp, What does it mean to love on your dark side? I need some examples. Phrases to say to accept the darkness rather than repress it. I'm a 4th house Pluto Stellium
What it Means to Love on Your Dark Side
We're all born like blank canvases. However, at some point during our childhood development, we are taught information that teaches us to separate things into right and wrong. Into, good and evil. The minute we eat from this proverbial tree of knowledge, our shadow is born and consciousness begins to divide itself into multiple parts. Moreover, in our cultural socialization process, we begin to compartmentalize these habits within us that are “kosher and acceptable to the world” [ this is termed as the Persona] and those that are unacceptable [The Shadow]. The latter as a result is usually forced to be hidden away/
But. contrary to popular belief, your shadow is not an error or a flaw, It is a part of the natural order of who we are. Not the sum of us, no, but a significant part. It’s not a problem to be solved; it’s an enigma that must be faced. It has the power to connect us to the depths of our own imaginations. It’s there to protect you.
Example 1.
Let's say that you have had a bad experience with someone. They’re a pathological liar. Manipulative. Condescending and have maybe subjected you or someone you know to said nastiness. One day, they do something nice for you or say something nice to you and you think to your self:
“SMH...This fake ass bitch [gender neutral], they’ve got an agenda, this piece of shit never does anything unless it benefits them”
You don't say thank you. That is your shadow self reacting to the perceived threat this person has been. The problematic individual you’ve observed them to be in the past. Once bitten, twice shy, right? When this happens, don’t be ashamed of this reaction. That is your shadow self picking up on the queues your conscious self absorbs. Instead of telling said person what you really think of them talk to your shadow self instead,
You say: “Thank you for being alert enough to protect me.”
Example 2.
Let's say that you’re a woman, you see a man. He is gorgeous. Well-groomed. Charming. The bulge in his pants is considerable, Whatever. The bottom line, your body is filled with lust. You are more aroused by looking at this man that you’ve been in any of your past relationships. But alas, you see a glint of silver on his left ring finger. He’s married. But you want him anyway.
This is your shadow-self triggering your need for stimulation. Showing you you are fertile. In touch with your sensuality. Your need for passion. For Pleasure. No matter the cost. But instead of letting your shadow self overpower your other-selves and cause you to break up a marriage.
You say: “Thank you for showing me, that I am not frigid, but that I’m capable of unrivaled levels of passion.”
The Next Level is Working With Your Shadow Side.
Utilizing its energy to achieve a justified end. Revenge, for example, is one of those things. [I’m sure you, like others with Plutonic placements, can understand this.]
When you feel wronged in some way, your shadow self’s visceral reaction is to want payback. We teach people how to treat us. When you feel this urge, Think of it like this: That it is your shadow self giving you an alert from the Universe
The message the universe is conveying through your shadow? That you’ve been appointed teacher in your enemy’s karmic lesson.
Workplace perks? You get to choose the curriculum.
Lesson Plan One: The Success Option.
You glow up. You spit on your adversaries and sneer because they aren’t worth your time. Beat your enemies at everything. Be ruthlessly happy. Let them test your commitments but fail trying to see you give up on them. They stress themselves with pop quizzes trying to figure out how to beat you. How to keep you down. They do homework on your social life, your next move, your job. You give them midterms worth 50 percent of their grade, the subject matter? A 7000-word essay on why you’re so unbothered. They pull all-nighters trying to piece together how you keep shitting on them.
You say: “Thank you, for showing me that basking in my success is not narcissistic but an acknowledgment of my strengths in the face of opposition.”
Then there’s Lesson Plan 2: The Hard Knocks Approach.
[Growing up in Brooklyn, with a West Indian and South American family, I’ve seen and done it all.] This lesson plan is more militant. More offensive. You crush your enemy totally. It’s been taught by every successful general in the ancient world. Just like the 48 laws of power says “All great leaders since Moses have known that an enemy must be crushed completely. (Sometimes they have learned this the hard way.) If one ember is left alight, no matter how dimly it smolders, a fire will eventually break out. More is lost through stopping halfway than through total annihilation: Crush him, not only in body but in spirit.” This goes for something as simple as ignoring the "mercy rule" during your college basketball game, never letting the opposing team catch up to making sure a rapist not only loses his freedom [jail] but making sure he's never able to get an erection ever again.
I believe there is no shame and it is absolutely okay to admit that sometimes, a person just needs a good ass-whooping. Whether that’s a physical brawl, a perfectly manufactured curse or hex, a lecture that lays all their dirt bare, a lawsuit, or something as simple as a witty clap-back.
Whatever you do, your mission as the educator is to make sure the student [i.e the enemy] graduates with a B.A. in humility with a concentration on never fucking with you again. Your curriculum here is not to bend them or get them pressed like lesson plan one.
But to break them.
Experience is the best teacher, after all. When this level has been achieved, we say:
“Thank you shadow, for being a messenger, for helping me teach and for allowing me to take part in balancing scales.”
Sometimes the universe speaks to you through your shadow self. It alerts you to methods of facing challenges. Your higher self teams up with your shadow and adds a bit of cosmic guidance, and your conscious self processes and executes. This is why it is important to love on all parts. Integration is key. The Higher, the Conscious, and the Shadow. They make up the sum of who you are. At the end of the day, we use both hands every day, don’t we? We have two for a reason. Unless you learn to first embrace that darkness within, you can never pursue the light of self-love in a balanced way. The more our darkness is avoided, the more it metastasizes within us, waiting like a volcano to erupt at any moment. And because it is powerful, it can have chaotic repercussions if left ignored. But when it is acknowledged and respected, it will only appear to whisper not scream. It will come when it’s called instead of burst in unceremoniously. It will be like a well-trained guard dog. Dangerous? Of course. There to protect? Naturally.
#asks#shadow self#higher self#conscious self#good q#balance#astrology asks#astrology and psychology#my writing#perspective#bruja tips#witchblr#astro tumblr
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can we get a sequel to the lonely road? maybe the reader deletes their Twitter account and the haters are tweeting how weak they are and such and gee steps in on Twitter and all his socials talking about it and how happy he is and that everyone putting the reader down wasn't truly a fan because they weren't respecting her and how happy she made him? just gee stepping in and defending the reader
The Lonely Road Part 2 - Home Again
Pairing: Gerard Way x Female ReaderRating: Teen (for online bullying)Requested By: Three separate anonsWord Count: ~1,500Author’s Note: Holy smokes guys! Three separate anons all looking for part two of this story?! That make me feel so good as a writer! And the best part is that everyone seemed to have the same idea I did, as I had basically pulled that part out of part one to keep it from getting too long and rambling. Kinda like this note is getting. Ok on to the story!
Gerard flew back to LA later that day and your tour continued on. The next few stops were much better, thanks in part to the refreshing visit with Gerard and a day off that everyone sorely needed, but also Christine getting much more stern with the interviewers about the questions they would be asking.
Having removed the Twitter app from your phone was proving to be incredibly helpful for your mental health, however it wasn’t silencing the constant stream criticism and hate from Gerard’s so-called fans. The longer you maintained your silence, the more vicious the tweets became.
I hope @(YFN)(YLN) bus crashes
Hey @mikeyway is (YN) as aweful as she seems?
can we just cancel her fo existing? #(YN)iscancelledparty
A couple weeks later, the tour was over and you were rolling back into LA. Christine drove you home and debriefed you on what you would be doing in the coming weeks, but most importantly you had a few days off. All you could think of was getting home and meeting up with Gerard, but when you finally arrived, a familiar car was already waiting in the driveway.
“Gee!” You squealed, jumping out of the passenger seat as soon as the car had stopped moving. You ran up to him and jumped in his arms as he spun you both around. “Ugh the last two weeks were the longest yet!”
“I know, I missed you so much,” he said, setting you back down before planting a big kiss on you.
You weren’t aware of how long you had been lost in Gerard’s kiss until you heard Christine clearing her throat behind you.
“Sorry to interrupt this lovely reunion, you two really are the cutest I swear, but (YN) you wanna get your dirty laundry out the back seat of my car?” Christine asked snidely.
You pulled back and rolled your eyes as you went to retrieve your things.
“Thanks again for coordinating everything so I could come out and see (YN),” you heard Gerard say to Christine.
“Happy to help. I’ll get outta here so I’m not interrupting any further,” she said with a wave. “Oh and don’t forget (YN), meeting on Tuesday at 11 AM.”
“Got it,” you said, waving her off as Gerard helped to carry your bags inside the house. “Ugh, finally it’s just you and me again,” you said, draping your arms over Gerard’s shoulders as he put his hands on your waist, kissing you sweetly.
“My favorite place to be,” he smiled. “What do you wanna do first?”
“Honestly? I’m starving, can we order some lunch? And then eat it in bed? And just stay in bed for like the rest of the day?“
“That sounds great,” Gerard laughed.
~
The next morning Gerard invited you to go along with him to the studio to sit in on My Chem’s recording session.
”(YN)! How was touring?“ Ray greeted you with a warm hug.
"Ugh, it was a real learning opportunity,” you laughed and rolled your eyes.
“Gee told us you were having some trouble with the internet. That’s why I just stay away from it,” Ray shrugged.
“You probably got the right idea,” you replied as Mikey and Frank walked in.
“Hey (YN), welcome back,” Mikey said, exchanging a look with Frank.
“Yea… what was that about?” You replied, narrowing your eyes as you lookied between the two of them.
“Nothin,” Frank replied. “I gotta get in there and get this riff recorded before I lose it,” he said, hurrying into the recording booth. Ray turned his attention to talking to the producer about what Frank was doing, leaving you with the brothers.
“Mikey, what was that look you gave Frank?” Gerard pressed.
“Yea, spill it,” you chimed in.
Mikey sighed. “I went on twitter for the first time in a while and there were all these messages directed at me asking why you weren’t on there, if you were too scared and weak to face the fans, if I liked you dating Gee, if Gee was happy, asking me to break you guys up so Gee and Frank can be together,” he said rolling his eyes.
“For fucks sake,” Gerard muttered, running his hand through his hair.
“Did you reply?” You asked, your voice barely coming out as a squeak. You were so sick of this response when your music career was just barely taking off. What if you achieved the level of success you once dreamed of, what would the criticism be like then? And what if Gerard got sick of dealing with you and the drama that seemed to follow you at every turn.
“Nah, I’m not gonna dignify that shit with a response. But for the record, I love you and Gee together,” he smiled reassuringly.
“Well I’ve fucking had it,” Gerard snapped as he pulled his phone out of his jacket pocket.
“What are you doing?” You asked.
“Shutting this down. These people claim to be fans, but can’t show a shred of respect to you, me, Mikey, Frank, Jamia, any of us. It ends today.”
You glanced at Mikey, who shrugged and joined Ray listening to Frank play. Gerard quickly slipped deep into thought as he typed furiously at his phone. You turned your attention to Frank’s playing as well until you felt a tap on your shoulder.
“Wanna go for a walk?” Gerard asked.
“Sure,” you replied with a smile as you got up and followed him out of the studio. It was a warm, sunny day, perfect for being outside instead of cooped up in a soundproof, windowless room. Gerard’s hand found yours as you wandered down the street, eventually stopping at a small cafe with big planters of bright flowers surrounding their outdoor seating area.
“This place is so cute,” you commented between sips of your iced coffee when you found a table.
Gerard nodded in agreement, before sliding his chair closer to yours. “I wanna get a photo,” he said, holding up his phone as he leaned in and placed a kiss on your cheek and you laughed with delight. Before you knew it, you and Gerard were practically having a full-on photo shoot, taking photos on your phones of each other, and both of you together. You were laughing and having a wonderful time until two people in business attire shot you a withering glance as they sat down at one of the other tables to begin their meeting.
As Gerard’s laughter died down, he started scrolling through the photos. “This is the one,” he said.
“What?” You asked, looking up from your own collection of photos.
“One sec,” he said, concentrating on his phone for a moment. “Ok, umm, so I want you to read this caption before I post it on instagram. You’re the most important person in the world to me and I love you. I’m so sick of how you’re being treated online, so I hope this shuts it down.”
When you took his phone, you looked at the photo he had selected and edited a little. You were laughing, holding your coffee, the bright flowers behind you providing the perfect backdrop as the sun shone down, but your heart pounded in your chest as you scrolled down and began to read:
It frustrates me that I even have to write this, but it’s overdue. For weeks and months now, I’ve tried to ignore the near constant barrage of hate and vitriol being spewed toward someone who is so important to me. I’ve said before that (YN) brings so much happiness and love to my life, she’s someone that I’ll be with forever if I’m lucky.
But when every day I have to see and hear that people are questioning how much joy she brings me, saying vile things to and about her, it makes me sick. No one deserves that. And the fact that it’s being done in the name of supposedly protecting me is unacceptable. Disrespect is unacceptable and that’s not what being a fan is.
To everyone who has shown (YN) love and support with her new album, or at the very least treated her respectfully, thank you. I appreciate it so much.
To my love (YN), I am so sorry that I didn’t do this sooner. You’re the most talented, beautiful, thoughtful, loving woman I’ve ever met. Never let them steal what makes you wonderful. I’m here for you always.
You glanced up at Gerard, your eyes welling up with tears. “Thank you,” you said softly.
“I mean it, I’m so sorry I didn’t step in sooner. I thought if we ignored it, they’d shut up and go away, not get worse.”
“It’s ok, there was no way of knowing,” you shrugged. “Maybe this will get someone to think twice. And I think we’ll all be better off if we take a break from Twitter. That’s where the worst of it seems to be.”
“You’re right,” Gerard nodded. “I really love you (YN),” he said with a gentle smile.
“I love you too. And thank you for everything you do for me,” you said as you leaned in and sweetly placed a kiss against his lips.
#Anon#gerard way x reader#gerard way fan fic#gerard way fan fiction#gerard way imagine#my chemical romance fan fic#my chemical romance fan fiction
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The Backstage Pass (Out)
Hey everyone... this is still not an update of Do You Wanna Dance? but another pathetic attempt of me to provide you with PJ-related reading material... Sssooo, there was this post of @gardenofstoney... and I’ve always taken tags verry seriously. I felt addressed since the situation she described sounded absolutely like a perfect fanfic material so I ended up playing with the idea. One thing led to another and a Stone Gossard one-shot happened, which I hereby share with you (with her and @mookiebaelock’s consent). Disclaimer: may contain traces of Jeff Ament!
Ps. I solemnly swear I get Judy out of the shower soon.
„Are you sure you don’t want to move towards the side of the stage? These Vedder-fanatics seem pretty dangerous, I’m not sure I want to be here when they go wild…” Mel asked fidgeting with the setups of her professional camera.
“No, I’m pretty sure I’m fine here…” Maggie answered leaning her forehead against her arms that were resting on the barrier. She was dog-tired; she and her best friend, Mel were cueing the whole day to get there at the show of their favorite band, Pearl Jam. Actually, Pearl Jam was their second favorite band but it was the rock group that brought them together. They saw each other’s introduction in the “Pen Pal Wanted” column of Footsteps, the band’s fanzine and the rest was history... And finally, they were there, standing at their precious front row places, waiting for the show to begin…
They agreed on standing in front of the center of the stage since they both had different preferences… Mel was dying to make close shots of her bassist crush (and maybe steal a few smiles and glances from him), while Maggie was interested in the other side of the stage… to be more accurate, in the person who regularly ruled it. Stone Gossard. The absent-minded, aloof alien who played the rhythm guitar parts and who, unfortunately, wasn’t the most responsive member of the band. He was said to be a sarcastic, hilarious and nice guy but at shows he just… didn’t give a shit about the crowd. He was usually absorbed in the songs, following the rhythm with his entire body, marching to the beat or just bobbing his head… but that was all. No interaction, no communication, just the chords. If Maggie had been alone there, she would have picked his side and stayed there as if she had been pinned to the ground… but Mel wanted to stand near Jeff so they made a compromise. Of course, Mel tried every kind of dirty trick to lure her closer to Mike’s and Jeff’s territory and Maggie begged desperately with her irresistible sad puppy face to move in the other direction, after all, if the mountain won't come to Muhammad… and Jeff would bounce around, anyways, she argued. But neither of them could convince the other one so they were stuck in front of the place of Eddie Vedder and they knew they would have to fight hard to be able to keep their position.
“You will defend me, I know.” Maggie cuddled to her friend, letting herself be pulled in a bear hug. She was short and slim, the top of her head barely reached the level of the tall Mel’s chin, that’s why they often joked about themselves being two dogs coming from different species but being allies and best friends forever.
“I’ll defend you just… not now, oh my god, ohmygod, they’re here, that’s him!!!” Mel suddenly let her go frantically taking one picture after another of her main target.
“Okay, I can’t win against Jeff Ament…” Maggie shook her head with a forgiving smile only to discover the object of her admiration appearing on the other side of the stage, walking around with a deadpan on his face. She couldn’t help chuckling when she noticed he was wearing a black socks-dress shoes combo... with light brown shorts. She’d already got used to these weird testimonies of his terrible fashion sense but he always managed to surprise her with a newer unacceptable outfit.
When the singer finally showed up too, the crowd moved forward, pressing the girls against the barrier… and from that moment on, they only had some rest during the slower songs. Not that they wanted to complain, they were singing along the lyrics, screaming, laughing, crying or just squeezing each other’s hand making sure they were not dreaming, they were finally together, having the time of their life, really living their favorite songs. Mel was overly contented with seeing the bass player’s manly moves in the tight tank top he was wearing and the passionate solos and dazed-off moments of Mike pleased both of them too, even if they were within the spitting range of Ed. But as time went by, they both started feeling the depressing thought that this would be over soon, even if they tried to fight against it by bouncing and screaming twice as intensely as before…
When Stone started playing the opening chords of State of Love and Trust, the crowd went completely nuts and Maggie had to tighten her grip not to be drifted… the pressure behind her eased for a second but at once, she felt a sharp pain in the back of her head and lost the touch with the outside world…
***
Mhmmmm… what are these bright lights? I must have died and got in that shining corridor about which people who experienced clinical death always tell…
“Jesus, I go blind…” I mumble… or am I just hearing my own thoughts? Shit, this splitting headache, I’m definitely alive, I must have fallen asleep after taking in my migraine pill.
“Do you prefer low light?” a nasal male voice asks and as I look around, I find myself lying on a couch but I’m not in my own apartment, I don’t know this place. Oh, so I’m in a dream, nice, let’s see where it’s going…
“Yes, please!” I groan covering my eyes.
“Clouds roll by… sorry, bad joke, here, is it better his way?”
I take away my hand from my eyes and let them adjust to the pleasant half-light provided probably by a standing lamp somewhere out of my sight. When did I learn how to change the setting of my dreams? Cool… The owner of the voice takes place opposite me only to make me realize, I’m in a Stone dream, moreover, this time it’s a new one.
“Are you okay?” he’s checking me with the inquiring but still expressionless stare of a toad.
“More or less…” I mumble helplessly. Interesting, I’ve never had such a vivid dream about him, it’s somehow different, like I was in charge, I’ve never felt like this before while dreaming… Familiar melodies provide the musical accompaniment, I have to listen for a few bars until I recognize Yellow Ledbetter… but he’s here… and the music comes from…?
“Are we… at a show?” I ask suspiciously, I’m afraid that despite the realistic surrounding, it’ll turn into an incoherent screenplay written by my subconscious.
“Yes, we are…”
“But how come you’re not playing? You should be on the stage with the others…”
“I don’t feel like playing… I mean in that song, I have basically not much to do, I strum the same chords as Mike, it’s boring. At sound checks, sometimes I beg until I can play the drum parts, I’m a desperate drummer but I love it. But the rhythm guitar part is just… nah. Plus, I had to pee, anyways.”
“Fair enough.” I snicker. He’s such an awkward dork, even in my dreams. “Well, that happens if a musician is too busy with drinking beer at gigs instead of playing”.
“Excuse me?” he startles offended. That’s my favorite thing in dreaming, I can do and say what I’d never dare in real life.
“Do you think we don’t notice when you’re just fudging, walking around with the guitar and use the change of amplifier setups as an excuse to take a few sip of your booze? That doesn’t really count as musical contribution.”
“Ugh, busted. I try not to drink before the show though. Right as soon as I get onstage I start drinking. But come on, I never belch out of key, what’s this if not musical humility?”
I snort shaking my head and keep grinning from ear to ear. If he’s such a hilariously funny guy in my fantasy, how adorable he can be in the reality… I know he used to be an annoying, sarcastic little shit but when PJ got really successful, he mellowed down and made himself to the main target of his irony… The mixture of this down-to-earth humbleness and calm confidence was one of the main reasons why he became my favorite member in the band; in the band that only consists of great, relatable people, by the way.
Maybe I should use the occasion to have a chitchat with him, I could ask him questions about stuff I’ve always wanted to know… even if the answers are only the products of my mind…
“Do you see the world in yellow?”
Okay, maybe that’s not the best start but the colored lenses of his spectacles somehow distracted me and it just slipped out. He reacts with that short, amused eyebrow twitch I love… good job, Maggie.
“It’s a good question! It’s funny, nobody asked that before… but to answer it, I do, it’s like being trapped in that moment of sunset when everything is glowing in that golden light… but to be less poetic, it makes everyone look as if they were Lego figures, they have yellow head, y’know…”
The mentioning of my favorite toy brings back old memories about the times when I was building my own town with eclectic houses that served as the scene of the made-up action stories crafted by my cousin and me.
“I you were a Lego figure, you’d be a bad boy.” I remark with a timid smile and try to ignore the fact that my cheeks are in flames.
“Only if I were a Lego figure? That’s offensive. I was the member of the gang Newton Street Boys. We were the most dangerous guys on whole Capitol Hill, we terrorized the district by taking protection rackets from kindergarten pupils. They were scared to death when we showed up riding our bikes, I liked the banana-seat ones with the high handlebars - maybe a card in the wheel could have been part of it.” he chuckles playfully. “Anyway, why a bad boy?”
“It’s because of the scruff.” I giggle and reach out to pinch his neck but he leans away.
“Please don’t touch me.” he grunts.
Hey, brain, we had an agreement: if I behave decently enough in real life, you won’t throw any obstacles in the way of my naughty tendencies at nights. So if I want to touch Stone’s perfect neck, I’m gonna to do it. Period.
“I said no!!!” he repeats this time angrier when my fingers approach his skin again. What the hell???
“Sorry. I… I just wanted to say that there were those bearded figures… and you could get them mostly from the pirate or the police station series.”
“You mean they had an attachable Lego beard?” he inquires confused and excited at the same time; I’m sure he’s already forgotten the embarrassing intermezzo and is now desperately trying to recall the look of the little yellow dudes.
“Haha, no, it was just painted on their face. There was the moustache, the regular beard and the scruff that basically meant black dots on their face. And the scruffy guys always played the role of the bad boys in my stories. You know, the bank robber, the fleeing prisoner…”
“… the fucked-up musician… we should definitely have a Lego party once!”
“We should…” I repeat and we’re smiling silently at each other for a few seconds… I clear my throat and swallow hard since my mouth got completely dry, shit, it must be that damn gum-shield I have to wear at nights to prevent myself from gnashing.
“You want some water?” he asks walking to a fridge standing at the door.
“Fuck, yes, I’m dying of thirst.” I moan and I mean it.
“Here.” he hands a small bottle to me while he opens a beer can. I rather don’t make any remarks, the show is over, after all… But now that I think into it, maybe the other band members will show up too… I can’t wait!
I lower my head and press the ice cold bottle against my forehead. It feels incredibly good, that blinding pain is still pulsing in my head. As I direct my gaze onto the ground, I can’t help laughing again when I spot his dress shoes and the black socks tucked into them. The hem rolled down around his left ankle making the socks look like they were unmatched.
However thirsty I am, I can only take small sips since I’m already snorting at the next part of this weird vision.
“Anyway… before the others would arrive, there’s one thing we have to discuss.” I begin when I finally manage to force my facial muscles into a serious expression.
“Something that stays between us? Like a dirty little secret?” his face lights up with a boyish smile.
“Kind of, if your socks are dirty…” I roll my eyes. “It’s the footwear.”
“Yours or mine?”
“Of course yours, mine is normal. Matching boots, a totally adequate choice for a rock concert. But yours is just… criminal.”
“Don’t be rude with my shoes, they look good and they are comfy as fuck!” he circles with his feet comically.
“They do but man, look in that mirror!” I point at his reflection in the mirror hanging on the opposite wall. “You look like the mixture of an elementary school boy and a bachelor dressed by his mother. Shorts with dress shoes? How? Why? It’s an obvious no-no!” I scream.
“I have only these ones, sneakers and flip flops with me, which doesn’t leave much variation.” he shrugs briefly.
“You should have chosen the sneakers… as for the “f” word, I’m not even willing to pronounce it.”
“I always wore hiking boots in the earlier times, they were the most comfortable choice but they weren’t compatible with the heat on stage. And then, I got introduced in the magical world of orthopedic sandals but the band somehow vetoed them, I don’t really understand why... I was only allowed to wear them between shows and at soundchecks but at gigs, I had to wear the boots… Once, before a show, maybe in Atlanta, I can’t remember exactly, the sole of my boot separated so I could only wear my sandals… the guys freaked out about my velvet shorts-sweatpants-white socks-sandals outfit and obliged me to wear Jeff’s shoes during the show.” he recalls but I can barely listen to him, his hand talk and the fidgeting alien fingers are definitely more appealing than the image of Birkenstocks worn with socks.
As my eyes are glued to him, I involuntarily start playing with my hair but my fingers land in something sticky. I check them and glance at him helplessly, as if he could help me find out why blood is the next nonsense feature in this scene.
“Fuck, why didn’t you tell me earlier that you’re bleeding?” he shouts and rushes to the fridge.
“Because I didn’t know…” I mutter and can’t form further coherent sentences since he steps back to me with an ice bag and presses it to the back of my head… and he keeps standing opposite me with his arms laced around my neck. I’m desperately trying to look at the ceiling, the ground and the four walls at the same time, anywhere but him…
“This is too embarrassing, I want this to finally end… this is terrible.” I whisper in pain, fixing my gaze on the ugly shoes and working on calming down my hyperventilation with all my nerves.
“Hey, I just wanted to help! Just for the record, we don’t often let passed-out fans in the backstage, you were in bad shape and…”
“No, I mean, thanks and all but this dream… it’s going nowhere, it was funny but you entering into my personal space creates a tension that needs resolution, like a hug or a kiss or anything, this makes just no sense!” I blurt out, basically arguing with myself, the director of the movie.
“What? That doctor could finally arrive, you must have a concussion!” he gently tries to push me back onto to the couch but I shake his hands off me.
“What doctor... wait… the pain… the blood… is this… real?” I flail still hoping he doesn’t exist and suddenly disappears or turns into my real crush or Edge from U2 or whatever.
“You got hit with by a half-empty beer can and you passed out so the security personnel fished you out of the crowd. Since I came back anyway, I suggested that they should lay you down here until they get a doctor. You got a backstage pass by passing out. A backstage pass out.” he tries to ease he situation with a pun but I’m not really in the mood.
“No… the scruff… the shoes… the ki… I can’t believe I said all this bullshit, this is worse than a nightmare…” I bury my face into my palms completely mortified and stumble back towards the couch dizzily. Suddenly, I hear a familiar voice… Mel!!!
***
“I’m not going to repeat this again, my best friend is in that room so if you won’t let me in immediately, I’m going to fuckin’ sue you!!!” Mel pointed with her index finger outraged at the huge guy standing in front of the door of the dressing room. Actually, instead of suing, she wanted to headbutt him in the chest but she knew it would feel like running into a concrete wall. She’d already been arguing with him for like fifteen minutes but the guy was just standing there with folded arms, stoically bearing the threats and the various spells casted on him by the furious girl.
“Hey, Ernie, I think you can let her in, her friend has just woken up, it’d be better if she’s with her when the doctor arrives…” a top of a head with ruffled hair peeked out of the door. The security guard obeyed and silently stepped aside.
“Maggie!!!” Mel shouted and tossed the young man in the door away to get a free way to her friend. “I was so worried about you!!!” she captured her into a rib-breaking hug.
“I’m… I’m okay… Stone took care of me…” Maggie mumbled against Mel’s chest trying to point at the guitarist under her friend’s arm.
“Stone???” Mel screamed making both of them turn around without breaking the hug.
“Yup.” the guitarist waved clumsily with one hand at her, digging his other hand deeply in his pocket.
Maggie managed to tiptoe enough to rest her head on her friend’s shoulder, which allowed her to saw the door opening… only to recognize the other members of the band arriving back from the stage. The small group was guided by Jeff who stopped at the door exchanging a surprised look with the embarrassed guitarist standing in the room.
Maggie started silently shaking of laughter because she could already imagine what’d happen next…
“Uhm… Mel… I’m choking… please let me go…” she acted patting her friend’s back a few times. “I think you should turn back… slowly…” she recommended biting her lips to hide her amusement when she pulled away to see the girl’s reaction.
“Why… what…?” Mel looked back over her shoulder and… due to the bassist’s excellent reflexes, she didn’t land on the ground but in his arms. Jeff stared shocked alternately at the unconscious girl and the other ones, begging for help with his eyes.
“Jesus, not again… “Stone sighed facepalming.” She’s yours, I’m out.”
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controversial opinions?
Cold pizza actually not good. Tastes like angry bacteria.
There’s a completely separate class of gay men who are in a different, rainbow-tinted plane of reality from the rest of us and I don’t like them. They push for “acceptance” via commercialization of the Pride movement, assimilation through over-exposure, and focus on sexualizing the movement to be “provocative” and writing annoying articles that reek of class privilege instead of something actually important like lgbtqa youth homelessness, job discrimination, and mental health awareness.
Coleslaw is good. You guys just suck in the kitchen.
Generational divides ARE real: a 16-year-old and a 60-year-old right now in 2021 could agree on every hot button sociopolitical topic and yet not even realize it because they communicate in entirely different ways.
Sam Wilson is a power bottom. No I will not elaborate.
Allison’s makeover in The Breakfast Club good, not bad. She kept literally and metaphorically dumping her trash out onto the table and it’s clearly a cry for help. Having the attention and affection of a smart, pretty girl doing her makeup for her was sweet and helped her open up to new experiences. Not every loner wants to BE a loner (see: Bender, who is fine being a lone wolf).
Movie/show recommendations that start with a detailed “representation” list read like status-effecting gear in an RPG and it’s actually a turn-off for me. I have to force myself to give something a try in spite of it.
Yelling at people to just “learn a new language” because clearly everyone who isn’t you and your immediate vicinity of friends must be a lazy ignorant white American is so fucking stupid, like I get it, you’re mad someone doesn’t immediately know how to pronounce your name or what something means. But I know 2 languages and am struggling with a 3rd when I can between 2 jobs and quite frankly, I don’t have the time to just absorb the entire kanji system into my brain to learn Japanese by tomorrow night, or suddenly learn Arabic or Welsh. There are 6500 recorded languages in the world, what’s the chance that one of 3 I’ve learn(ed?) is the one you’re yelling at me about. Yes this is referring to that post yelling at people for not knowing how to pronounce obscure Irish names and words. Sometimes just explaining something instead of admonishing people for not knowing something inherently in the belief that everyone must be lazy entitled privileged people is uh... better?
Stop fucking yelling at people. I despise feeling like someone is yelling at me or scolding me, it triggers my Violence Mode, you don’t run me, you are not God, fuck off. Worst fucking way to "educate” people, it just feels good in the moment to say or write and doesn’t help. Yes I’ve done it before.
Violence is good actually.
Characters doing bad things ≠ an endorsement of bad things. Characters doing bad things that are unquestioned by the entire rest of the cast = endorsement of bad things, or at the least, a power fantasy by the creator. See: Glee, in which Sue’s awfulness is constantly called out, while Mr. Shue’s awfulness rarely is because he’s “the hero.” See also: the Lightbringer series, in which the protagonist is a violent manipulator who is praised as clever, charming, diplomatic, and genius by every supporting character (enemies included), despite the text never demonstrating such.
Euphoria is good, actually. It falls into this niche of the past decade of “dark gritty teen shows” but actually has substance behind it, but the general vibe I get from passive-aggressive tumblr posts from casual viewers is that this show is The Devil, and the criticism of its racier content screams pearl-clutching “what about the children??” to me.
Describing all diagnosed psychopaths as violent criminals is a damaging slippery slope, sure. But I won’t be mad at anyone for inherently distrusting another human who does not have the ability to feel guilt and remorse, empathy, is a pathological liar, or proves to be cunning and manipulative.
It’s actually not easy to unconditionally support and love everyone everywhere when you’ve actually experienced the World. Your perspective and values will be challenged as you encounter difficult people, experience hardship, are torn between conflicting ideas and commitments, and fail. My vow to never ever call the cops on another black person was challenged when an employee’s boyfriend marched into the kitchen OF AN ESTABLISHMENT to scream at her, in a BUSINESS I MANAGED, and threaten to BEAT the SHIT out of her. Turns out I can hate cops and hate that motherfucker equally, I am more than capable of both.
Defending makeup culture bad, actually. Enjoy it, experiment, master it, but don’t paint it as something other than upholding exactly what they want from you. Even using makeup to “defy the heteropatriarchal oppressors!” is still putting cash in their pockets, no matter how camp...
Not every villain needs to be redeemed, some of you just never outgrew projecting yourself onto monsters and killers.
Writing teams and networks queerbaiting is not the same as individuals queerbaiting. Nick Jonas performing exclusively at gay clubs to generate an audience really isn’t criminal; if they paid to go see him, that’s on them, he didn’t promise anyone anything other than music and a show. Do not paint this as similar to wealthy, bigoted executives and writing teams trying to snatch up the LGBTQA demographic with vague ass marketing and manipulative screenplays, only to cop out so as not to alienate their conservative audiences. And ESPECIALLY when the artists/actors/creators accused of queerbaiting or lezploitation then come out as queer in some form later on.
Queer is not a bad word, and I’ve no clue how that remains one of few words hurled at LGBTQA people that can’t be reclaimed. It’s so archaic and underused at this point that I don’t get the reaction to it compared to others.
People who defend grown-woman Lorelai Gilmore’s childish actions and in the same breath heavily criticize teenage religious abuse victim Lane Kim’s actions are not to be trusted. Also Lane deserved better.
Keep your realism out of my media, or at least make it tonally consistent. Tired of shows and movies and books where some gritty, dark shit comes out of nowhere when the narrative was relatively Romantic beforehand.
Actually people should be writing characters different from themselves, this new wave in the past year of “If you aren’t [X] you shouldn’t be writing [X]” is a complete leap backward from the 2010s media diversity movement. And if [X] has to do with an invisible minority status (not immediately visible disabilities, or diverse sexual orientations and gender identities, persecuted religious affiliations, mental illness) it’s actually quite fucked up to assume the creator can’t be whatever [X] is or to demand receipts or details of someone’s personal life to then grant them “permission” to create something. I know, we’re upset an actual gay actor wasn’t casted to play this gay character, so let’s give them shit about it: and not lose a wink of sleep when 2 years later, this very actor comes out and gives a detailed account of the pressure to stay closeted if they wanted success in Hollywood.
Projecting an actor’s personal romantic life and gender identity onto the characters they play is actually many levels of fucked up, and not cute or funny. See: reinterpreting every character Elliot Page has played through a sapphic lens, and insulting his ability to play straight characters while straight actors play actual caricatures of us (See also: Jared Leto. Fuck him).
I’m fucking sick of DaBaby, he sucks. “I shot somebody, she suck my peepee” that’s 90% of whatever he raps about.
“Political Correctness” is not new. It was, at one point, unacceptable to walk into a fine establishment and inform the proprietor that you love a nice firm pair of tits in your face. 60 years ago, such a statement would get you throw out and possibly arrested under suspicion of public intoxication. But then something happened and I blame Woodstock and Nixon. And now I have to explain to a man 40 years my senior that no, you can’t casually mention to the staff here, many of whom are children, how you haven’t had a good fuck in a while. And then rant about the “Chinese who gave us the virus.” Can’t be that upset with them if you then refused to wear your mask for 20 minutes.
Triggering content should not have a blanket ban; trigger warnings are enough, and those who campaign otherwise need to understand the difference between helping people and taking away their agency. 13 Reasons Why inspired this one. Absolutely shitty show, sure, but it’s a choice to watch it knowing exactly what it contains.
Sasuke’s not a fucking INTJ, he’s an ISFP whose every decision is based off in-the-moment feelings and proves incapable of detailed and logical planning to accomplish his larger goals.
MCU critique manages to be both spot-on and pointless. Amazing stories have been told with these characters over the course of decades; but most of it is toilet paper. Expecting a Marvel movie to be a deeply detailed examination of American nationalism and imperialism painted with a colorful gauze of avant-garde film technique is like expecting filet mignon from McDonalds. Scarf down your quarter pounder or gtfo.
Disparagingly comparing the popularity and (marginal) success of BLM to another movement is anti-black. It is not only possible but also easy to ask for people’s support without throwing in “you all supported BLM for black people but won’t show support for [insert group]” how about you keep our name out your mouth? Black people owe the rest of the world nothing tbh until yall root out the anti-blackness in your own communities.
It is the personal demon/tragic flaw of every cis gay/bi/pan man to externalize and exorcize Shame: I’m talking about the innate compulsion to Shame, especially in the name of Pride and Progress. Shame for socioeconomic “success,” shame for status of outness, shame for fitness and health, shame for looks, shame for style and dress, shame for how one fits into the gender binary, shame for sexual positions and intimacy preferences, shame for fucking music tastes. Put down the weapon that They used to beat you. Becoming the Beater is not growth, it’s the worst-case scenario.
Works by minorities do not have to be focused on their marginalized identities. Some ladies want to ride dragons AND other ladies. The pressure on minorities to create the Next Great Minority Character Study that will inevitably get snuffed at the Oscars/Peabody Awards is some bullshit when straight white dudes walk around shitting out mediocre screenplays and books.
Canadians can stfu about how the US is handling COVID-19 actually. Love most of yall, but the number of Canadian snowbirds on vacation (VACATION??? VA.CAT.ION.) in the supposed “hotbed” of my region that I’ve had to inform our mask policies and social distancing to is ASTOUNDING. Incroyable! I guess your country has a sizable population of entitled, privileged, inconsiderate, wealthy, and ignorant people making things difficult for everyone, just like mine :)
No trick to eliminate glasses fog while wearing my mask has worked, not a single one, it actually has affected my job and work speed and is incredibly frustrating, and I have to deal with it and pretend it’s not a problem while still encouraging others to follow the rules for everyone’s safety and the cognitive dissonance is driving me insane.
It’s really really really not anti-Japanese... to be uncomfortable with the rampant pedophilia in manga and anime, and voice this. I really can’t compare western animation’s sneakier bullshit with pantyshots of a 12-year-old girl.
Most of the people in the cottagecore aesthetic/tag have zero interest in all the hard work that comes with maintaining an isolated property in the countryside, milking cows and tending crops before sunrise, etc. And that’s okay? They just like flowers and pretty pottery and homemade pastries. Idk where discourse about this came from.
You think mint chip ice-cream tastes like toothpaste because you’re missing a receptor that can distinguish the flavors, and that sucks for you. It’s a sort of “taste-blindness” that can make gum spicy to some while others can eat a ghost pepper without crying.
Being a spectacle for the oppressive class doesn’t make them respect us, it makes them unafraid of us. This means they continue to devour us, but without fear of our retaliation.
Only like 4 people on tumblr dot com are actually prepared for the full ramifications of an actual revolution. The rest of you just really imprinted onto Katniss, or grew up in the suburbs.
Straight crushes are normal. They’re people first, sexual orientation second. Can’t always know.
The road to body positivity is not easy, especially if what you desire is what you aren’t.
You’re actually personally responsible for not voluntarily bringing yourself into an environment that you know is not fit for you unless you have the resolve to manage it. Can’t break a glass ceiling without getting a few cuts. This one’s a shoutout to my homophobic temp coworkers who decided working a venue with a drag show would be a good idea. This is also is a shoutout to people who want to make waves but are surprised when the boat tips. And also a shoutout to people who—wait that’s it’s own controversial opinion hold up.
Straight people can and should stay the fuck out of gay bars and queer spaces. “yoUrE bEInG diVisiVe” go fuck yourself.
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When your crush is angry all the time
Ch. 1
Something fun at an all girls school
Chapter 1
Something fun in an
✨all girls school✨
•○●○•°•○●○•°•○●○•°•○●○•°•○●○•°
"Alright, despite how much the staff have opposed the right for students to watch t.v. during school time....our principle believes that this is actually going to be informative. Now girls, students with all sorts of quirk and backgrounds can be accepted to U.A. I expect you all to respect the people on this t.v as your future colleagues. NO JOKES."
"Pst..wish she would just shut up so we can see the hot guys..." Maiyumi whispered to no one particular
"I know, I haven't seen a man since I got kidnapped last year."
"Most of us havent seen anyone since being kidnapped, or you know, FUCKING ARESTED!" Y/n whisper-yelled. She was still very pissed that even though, she was obviously kidnapped-and meant to be killed- the fucking police blamed her. Dad chalked it up to them being jealous, but y/n really wasn't having it. Imagine it's the third time you were kidnapped and tortured before the age of 16, and it was supposedly your fault.
Technically, they could've arrested her for burning down the building two weeks later, obviously while empty, she admitted that was wrong. Still, they got what they deserved, and she got frozen yogurt from down the street. As she would say: now that's proper treatment after a kidnapping 😎
"L/n thats enough, we all know the story by now, and we do not need to hear it again"
"But you shoulda been there, the audacity of them to say I was working with those guys!?! Those villains were way below MY level. I mean c'mon, if I was a villain i'd be way cooler than those nobodies."
"Oh.my.god. y/n I love you, but shit up so we can watch hot U.A. boys fight each other!"
"Ms. Hitoka!Unacceptable, we are here to learn from our follow young heros, not sexualize them"
"I heard midnight is gonna be there," Katna whispered towards the group, front the back of the room. Mind you, she was in a position to pounce, considering, much like her classmates, she hadn't seen a boy in years.
"MIDNIGHT IS SOOO HOT" y/n yelled, forgetting that their teacher was in the front cursing herself for not accepting that sugar-baby job, and never meeting these obnoxious and horny teens.
"For FUCKS SAKE, JUST WATCH THE TV"
As the teacher yelled all heads turned to face her and ignore their previous conversations. Y/n and Maiyumi had grown soft smiles, finally welcoming back the teacher they know and love.
You see, LADY STATIC was an ex-pro hero, her quirk was projection. She could pick up any video signals from any device and project exactly what the device was seeing, or playing. She called all cameras her bitch....several times. So, as far as teaching went, she could only last a couple of minutes of seriousness in the beginning of class each day, before she erupted in a fit of lewd comments, brags, and most importantly curse words.
The black screen of the tv suddenly turned on revealing the large stadium that must be where the festival would take place. Y/n didnt really want to watch, it made her kind of sad knowing there were kids out there with the energy to try at something so dumb. A competition where you stay within grade, with supervision, and limits, and rules, and no real risk. It all sounded boring to her. She would either want to sit in bed eating and watching anime, or actually feel something.
The idea of a battle where you aren't risking your life seemed pretty dull to her. See...y/n along with her best friend maiyumi, was an adrenaline junkie. Those two were the biggest non-villain troublemakers the world has yet to see.
Finding it fun to jump off bridges, run across intersections, and fight each other with no rules or precautions. After living a life where most people you meet want you dead, and most of your life has just been trauma, everything gets more and more boring. Until you don't even mind risking your life just to feel something.
However, what y/n did feel, very frequently, was horny. She wouldn't lie and say that she has indulged in some things, despite there being only girls in her private hero academy. However, she craved men, simply because they were something she hadn't had yet. So in the nature of being royalty, if she hadn't had it, she wanted it.
"..booo"
"How could say that, you meant to be representing our school"
"Not my fault the rest of you are just stepping stones to my victory."
Y/n finally focused back on the screen, she was seeing a very up close image of a blonde boy with red eyes, this being the first man she saw since the police 5 months ago. Her eyes lit up, and sub-consciously her body started to glow different colors. Shifting as quickly as the Led lights in her dorm.
"Mind your quirk princess" Saina, the class grump-who lowkey crushes on y/n- sneers.
"Aww, sorry, thanks for reminding me daddy" Y/n responded, feigning innocence but still not breaking eye contact with the screen.
She mentally focused on subsiding her quirk, but it took awhile for her to completely stop glowing.
Once she was y/n watched the first parts of the festival, noting exactly what that blonde boy was doing. Not without checking out some of the other students. Obviously, but something about those red eyes had her enticed. So she made sure to focus on him.
As she watched she learned that his quirk was fire, and he used it very differently than she did. She scribbled down a random note about it to make it seem like she was studying and trying to improve herself. Then, focused back on every intricate curve of his face instead. How he scowled, he really looked angry, but being one of those U.A. kids, she couldn't help but doubt he really had anything to be angry about.
Soon the girl found herself imagining him in some sort of serious situation, what could make somebody so angry?
And before she knew it, his fighting figure disappeared from the tv as an image of midnight replayed him, announcing that he had one his fight. The last fight wasn't it? Meaning that the rage boy must've won the whole thing. y/n really wasn't impressed, obviously he was only fighting other U.A. students. How hard could that be? However, she was excited that he won for some reason.
While y/n watched him she couldn't help but wish she was the one fight. Oh to be punched by that man. Every kick he would throw sent goosebumps down her body. Plus when he used that quirk, shit was it hot. Pun intended. Fire seemed like such a simple quirk, but simple works best. That last fight against Todoroki, that excited her.
See, y/n liked adventures away from the school ground, and since she could fly..well. She knew Todoroki. He was always considerate enough not to be weirded out by her when she would sneak into his house, her parents knew his dad well, so she pretty much only knew that one place. He was logical and so he understood that she isn't really perverted, she simply hasn't seen boys in a very long time. Todoroki figured if he hadn't seen a female in three years he might become more fond of them as well.
"Now lets award the metals"
She looked up at the screen to see a podium holding the winners and runner ups. Atop it was the boy, he was announced as Katsuki Bakugou. He was chained to the post and attacking the air, and y/n found this insanely hot. She assumed that since Todoroki hadn't given his all, that boom boom might be upsetting. However, she never expected to see this beautiful sight on the tv screen of her classroom. The sight was stuck in her mind for days.
She thought about it during dance class.
She thought about it during quirk training.
She thought about it during lunch.
During "sleepovers"
During missions with her boss - gang orca
During meeting with the principle
Even during visit time with her parents. It was then she decided she had to do something about it. Now, even though most girls at her school looked down upon U.A. the parents and staff didn't. For the girls it was about how truly jealous they were that those students, even with lesser power, would get to become heros. While us here, would become noblewomen, or princesses or be married off into other famous quirk families.
Y/n only was jealous because her mother spent more time with U.A. students than with her and her brothers. Seeing her mother was midnight, yes, the pro-hero. While that sounds cool, it isn't. Her mother and father dated for 1 month before getting married on a whim. Her father being a prince was something mom always described as FUCKINZg SEGGSYYY. Yes, you could blame midnight for y/ns horny behaviors.
Unfortunately for midnight, royal quirks don't mix with other quirks. None of her children have her quirk. Her daughter has Elementus total control, her middle son has Elementus manipulate, and youngest son has Elementus transform. So she is left with a 7 year old that can turn himself into water if he doesn't want to get in trouble....yeah. So that at home life was strange...
"Mom, dad, I wanna be hero"
"Bullshit, no you don't bahaha"
"I do, mom"
"Why"
"Dad, I wanna help people you know, like mom does. I wanna make the world better instead of just becoming a queen and sitting in a house all day." Y/n lied, she would love to sit around doing nothing while her rich, king husband did all the work. Then she could just eat and watch anime and be unbothered. However, in the moment, y/n forgot about her dream future. All she wanted in that moment was to see boom boom everyday. yuh, I said it..boom boom.
"Babe, she has a fair point...plus its not like chiyo can do anything with his quirk"
"What do you mean?! CHiyo's quirk is so cool dad, one time he took all the oxygen out of my bod and then I couldn't do anything, it was so cool!"
"see...."
"Yea,yea i see"
"My love, can't you just recommend her to U.A. so you can keep an eye on her. We both knew she was destined to be a hero at some point."
"Uhm. Babe. She only wants to go so she can see boys."
"What?!My princess would never, you heard it, she wants to help people. Our sons would never say such things, we should proud, love"
"Honey, she is lying."
"No, I'm not a mom, I could care less about boys. All the girls at this school can do the same things, if not better. "
"Y/N! I love you so much my precious horny little fuck"Her mother sprang up from her seat and embarrassed her.
"I can't believe this is my life.." dad sighed.
"But yeah, that proves your point honey, if she is gay then she must mean it. Yayyy. N/N is coming to school with meeee!!"
"I- yeah mom."
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FIRST THING I NOTICE IN A POTENTIAL PARTNER? THE AUDACITY.
Hi, me again, and today I’m here to talk to you about dismissive/avoidant attachment style. Get comfortable and steel yourself, because if you have this attachment style, I’m about to make you feel very seen, and this is only because I had to endure this recently when I was bored and idly doing online quizzes about my own brain because I might not be able to emote healthily, but I sure as heck can over-intellectualise the feelings I should be having whilst I’m distracting myself by doing online quizzes instead.
Attachment Theory was formulated and popularised in 1958 by psychoanalyst John Bowby, and supposes that the first attachments we make (with whoever our caregivers may be) will form the blueprint of the attachments we do or don’t form over the course of our adult lives. My therapist said to me that these attachments begin to be cemented into us when we are pre-verbal, and I thought - well that can’t be right, but sure enough before we can speak we are of course seeking attention and affection from our caregivers with smiling, crying, babbling, cooing, clinging, following etc, and how those behaviours have been responded to will tell us how we should or shouldn’t attempt to attach to others. It’s worth reading up on, if you’re interested in that kind of thing, and I recommend the Strange Situation Experiment in which attachment theory was explored in infants depending on how they responded to being with a parent, without a parent, with a stranger, and alone.
So when I was doing all these online quizzes, I learned a bunch about myself. Did you know I have lots of dark triad traits? That I might be a narcissist? That I am possibly a sociopath? I know, news to me too. I had to sit down. I also learned that if I were a tyrant I would be Col. Gaddafi, and that i have more masculine traits than feminine ones. I have an oral-aggressive personality type, and also: I have a dismissive/avoidant attachment style. And that’s what I want to talk about today, because if you’re reading this blog, you possibly either have it or you care about someone who does.
Dismissive/avoidant types typically grew up without a secure base of safety at home. We had to meet our own emotional needs because it was more reliable and less painful than repeated rejection from our caregiver, and we have disconnected from our own needs for closeness as a means to avoid the shame of feeling dependent on anyone but ourselves. I relate to this hugely, and now I know what my attachment style is, I can pinpoint exactly where I have gone wrong in my close relationships, and why I find it hard even now to really get close to anyone. So, what are some things a dismissive/avoidant person might do? I’ve made a list of mine, and I’ll talk you through some examples. I hope this will help you understand yourself, or the sociopath in your life who seems to be extremely stubborn when it comes to guarding their own love in a miserly way. No judgement: I am that miser.
I will undervalue the importance of anyone’s feelings but my own.
I accept I have a complex emotional world, I just don’t find it very easy to access it, communicate it, or assume anyone else has it. Maybe this was because my mother was very cold and emotionally insincere, or maybe it’s because I was always told I was, but that’s the truth. Yes, it’s selfish, but it’s how I’ve always gone about things. Example: arguments in which I rant about my feelings being ignored or dismissed whilst, you guessed it, I refuse to address the emotions of the person who is currently being told how my emotions are being dismissed in quite a heavy-handed way. Not cool.
I have very little space in my emotional world, and I therefore expect perfection in that space.
I live by a secret code of etiquettes and ethics that for some reason I have forgotten to tell anyone else about because I had thought for a long time that the way I thought was normal. I thought everyone had these standards that I have, but really they’ve been tricks and pitfalls that partners have fallen down. It’s never been intentional, I just think that things are done a proper way and a wrong way; acceptable or unacceptable. I didn’t realise this for a long time, but I am really good at enforcing what I believe is acceptable, in a wholly unacceptable way. This is why I nitpick and find faults in others, it’s a good way to keep someone at arm’s length.
I say I don’t want commitment whilst silently fully committing to someone without ever letting them know.
I have refused to move in with a partner until I have had nowhere else to live and it was the only option left. I had a fiancee who proposed to me four times before he got a yes. I wanted to say yes the first time but I didn’t. Why? I didn’t want him to get too close. It felt like an invasion. Traditionally, when I enter a relationship, I’m the asshole who says, “look, it is what it is, yeah?”. I’ll talk about my disdain of marriage and cohabiting, and then I’ll casually move in and tell you it’s purely logistical. I will be with you for years, maybe a lifetime, and I’ll act completely like this all happened because of chance and circumstance. I will even believe this myself.
I don’t really want to share my feelings with you.
I don’t know what they are, I don’t know how you’ll react, I don’t know how they’ll come out and I don’t know what you’ll do with them. It’s much easier and safer for me to keep it all in and then just blow up when you haven’t secretly guessed what they are. You had to guess because I couldn’t tell you, because I didn’t know. You think I’m disconnected from you? You should hear how disconnected I am from my own self.
I will dwell on the past instead of focussing on the future.
The future hasn’t happened and I don’t know what it holds. The past is concrete; I have lived it and learned from it. Normally what I’ve learned (perhaps wrongly, because of our old friend confirmation bias) is that all my fears and suspicions are correct and nobody can be trusted. That’s solid, I can take that to the bank. I will very much live in the past where we were briefly unhappy instead of looking to a future where we could be endlessly in love because it feels unrealistic to me -- love feels unrealistic to me.
I’m much better at sexual closeness than emotional closeness. The sex will come first, then the feelings, perhaps.
You wanna bone down? Nice. Me too. Do you have any fantasies you never explored before? I bet I know what they are, and I bet I’m into it because there’s a reason I sought you out. I could sense it. I want to never get out of bed, I want to do all of it all the time. For some reason it is much easier for me to feel extremely close and connected to you whilst we are having sex than it is moments later when you are lying next to me wanting to cuddle. I have a healthy relationship to sex, let me be clear -- I’ve always felt perfectly fulfilled in casual set-ups, even one-night-stands. Early on in relationships we’ll do it all. Our relationship will survive for a very long time if the sexual connection is good, even if the emotional one is a shit-show. This is a closeness I feel safe with. Find another time to tell me you love me. You probably don’t even mean it, is what I’m thinking. By this point I’ve fooled myself that you’re in some kind of sex-trance, that I’ve merely fucked you into a relationship you didn’t want to be in. So I’ll tell you that you’re free to leave. I’m told this is hurtful, because if you’ve developed feelings for me, I never saw that coming. I promise. In fact, when I’ve had my “first times” with people I know I might end up loving, I’ve had to be some level of drunk. Not blind drunk, but enough to ease my nerves. I can’t be sober in that environment, I need Dutch courage. And, once the sex disappears on any level, I’ll begin to pull away completely because after that, I begin to believe we are merely friends, and if we are merely friends, then what’s even the point?
I will sabotage a relationship when vulnerability is required of me.
This one is quite standard and kind of explains itself. When I find I’m getting very close to someone, when talks need to be had, I make a lot of jokes and when the jokes run out or the person I’m having this intimacy with isn’t laughing, I’ll just dip out in any way I can, and it’s much easier for me to frame myself as the villain because then you’ll hate me and that’s a good job done -- if you hate me, you won’t want to get anywhere near me ever again. I’ll get drunk and say awful things, or I’ll stay out with my friends all night, or stop answering the phone. For this same reason, I don’t tend to love personal displays of affection because then I’m being vulnerable with you in front of everyone. Again, I don’t think any of this is warranted, and I’m not making excuses. I’m just explaining.
I am prone to pining after a partner I have already discarded and have inexplicably begun to idealise.
Okay, this is a very hard one to write but I’m going to just write it and I’m going to give an explanation from a personal experience I had that I regret and do feel remorseful about.
I used to date someone I fell in love with. He was the first person I’d ever really felt immediately attracted to, someone I could identify very quickly that I was in love with, and that hadn’t happened to me before. I had been in two very long, very serious relationships before him, with people I never felt especially close to. They were a fine example of what they describe as “parasitic lifestyle” in the DSM-V criteria for ASPD: it’s not that I didn’t care about them, but the benefits outweighed the costs - they gave me a place to live when I had nowhere to go and gave me the basic affection I craved. But they both felt like some kind of arrangement after not very long, and whilst I did initially care, I stopped caring, but didn’t leave. I had nowhere else to go so I played the part. It’s worth mentioning too that the first person turned out to be horribly abusive.
Then this new man crashed into my life and he was everything I didn’t know I wanted. Our connection was immediate and he had very real, very sincere love for me that he had no issues whatsoever communicating. He’d write me poetry and songs, he was happy to slip into a submissive role completely consensually as I took the dominant role. On paper and in life, it was perfect.
We broke up a few times and the first time was because... I can’t explain it. I was head over heels in love with him so one morning when we woke up together after a night of cuddling and talking and laughing, I asked him to leave and not come back. I feel pained about this on reflection, because I remember the look on his face. He left. He got drunk. He drunk-called me. His brother reached out to me. His friends started looking at me with contempt because I had hurt someone they really cared about just months after he told them how happily in love with someone he was with someone he felt was perfect for him, and after I had been making it known that I felt the same. I just told him to leave, and he did, and for whatever dumb reason, he came back. And we were happy again, for a time.
He ended up sleeping with someone else after about a year of me doing everything to push him as far away from me as possible on an entirely subconscious level, because I really thought at the time that we were vibing really well. I know the night he did it, and it was the night I told him to leave me the fuck alone and never speak to me again after an argument that we were both raging through (I’m not going to pretend he wasn’t also without his demons, it’s why we were attracted to each-other, after all), the argument was specifically to do with my tendency to push him away after all he’d done for me. And he was right, completely. He’d done a lot for me. And for some reason, I had a massive problem with that. I had become suspicious to the point of paranoia, accusing him of all sorts. I remember telling him how stifled and suffocated I felt, I wanted to know why he was moving so fast (and was he? Really? No, not at all). So, after a long weekend of yelling and crying and frustration and “is this the end?” talks, it reached a peak and I told him to just get the fuck out of my face and stop with all this pressure and bullshit. He went out. He got blind drunk. He fucked someone else. And that still somehow came as a surprise to me, after all, the sex was non-stop, so what could we possibly have had to really worry about?
But he had a point when he said I was talking fucking nonsense with all this talk of being stifled. Because when I ended up moving in with him, he gave me my own room because he understood my need for solitude. We would spend most nights together but sometimes I’d need to slope off to my own space, he was seemingly fine about it. When he drove me places I would sit in the passenger seat sometimes on the phone, sometimes just listening to my music with my earphones in. He understood. He said he knew I was an anxious person. I’d sit there ignoring him and occasionally letting him know I was still there with a smile and he’d smile back. Sometimes when we went out walking to the shop or whatever, I felt I had to walk a little bit in front or behind. Not because I didn’t want to be close to him, but I was falling so hard for him that I needed to protect myself via isolation and any desperate grabs for independence I could find.
We argued a lot. I started most of those arguments, and sometimes when he fought with me out of sheer frustration, I saw this as petulance and dismissed it completely. When he did cheat, I felt heartboken, but weirdly vindicated in walking away. This was the break I needed from loving and being loved. We broke up for good this time, and what followed was two years of me and him sneaking around behind future partners’ backs to continue sleeping together. And here’s the kicker -- when we were no longer in a relationship and merely having affairs together, I had no issues whatsoever telling him how much I loved him and how much I wanted to be a positive influence in his life, help him through his own neuroses, hold his hand through his own mental health struggles, care for him and protect him. So long as we had this casual relationship, I could finally reveal to him how I felt. I ended up in a terrible relationship after him and I was much happier staying in that terrible relationship with someone who also was very avoidant (though he was also fearful, so had bouts of clinginess and neediness whereas I was more likely to run away). In fact, the person I ended up settling with was also high-key abusive, but so long as I had my ex to run to, I didn’t mind. I had my cake and ate it too -- I had the fucked up security of settling down with someone completely inappropriate, and the escape route of sleeping with someone I was absolutely crazy about. And whenever he, the real love in my life, asked me if we could start again, I was able to play my trump card, the thing that got me out of the commitment: you cheated on me. It was almost too perfect, that I had this perfect excuse to never get close to him again and, in doing so, I could be as close to him as I liked. He took this opportunity too, and we just went on being in love for another two years. We’d go away together, talk about our future, name our kids, plan the wedding we were never going to have. I proposed to him when I was dating someone else. He said he couldn’t take that offer if I wasn’t going to be with him (which is... extremely reasonable). I saw this as another vindication: aha! You just rejected me! I NEVER have to commit EVER AGAIN!
And what did I do when everything went to the shit? I idealised him. I pined. My God, I lived in my memories. I never stopped thinking about him. I wrote a fucking book about how much I loved him and had it published. My biggest writing credit to date, dedicated to this one person. This weird bout of romanticism I suddenly had for someone I had spent years pushing away and, someone who inexplicably took this pushing away for what it was. He’d even say things to me like, “why are you so frightened of loving someone?”, “why won’t you just let me love you?”, “what happened to you?”, “what can I do to support you?”. He understood the small things, like the time he wanted to take me away for the weekend and said to me: “I’m just going to leave you in charge of planning where we go to eat for all the meals” because he knew I needed to have that control and he was fine with it, and when I was endlessly boring the hell out of him thinking out aloud about why this restaurant would be good but this one would be bad and this one doesn’t have a menu available online and this one is okay but it’s too far from the hotel and all of that relentless, constant meaningless babble revolving around ultimate control, he just laughed and said: “I’m being patient with you because I understand you”. And he did. And I loved that. And sure enough, I hated that. Time to do something unpredictable, probably. And the wily fucker always saw it coming. The burden of reciprocated understanding, love and patience, right? What a bother.
*heavy sigh*
And I hinged on this lost love for a long time. It felt like pain, it felt like a void. I felt like, with him gone, I might never love again. In my head we’d had this windswept romance that never faltered. I seemed to forget all about the non-stop arguments, I began to understand his infidelity, I excused it, I loved it, I loved him unconditionally once it had all crashed and burned to the ground. So then why did I love him this much after it was all over?
So I could continue this cycle of dismissiveness and avoidance. If I was in love with the past, I’d never need to love anyone ever again or let anyone love me. I could resign myself to a lost history and refuse to get close on the grounds of being hung up with my emotional baggage. I used the disaster of that relationship to sabotage future attempts at closeness. I used him as the benchmark to how lovers in future should treat me -- with what, a masochistic acceptance of my push-and-pull approach? It’s terrible, and I hate it. But that’s how that went down. I think a lot about the love I gave to him in spades right before it all went away, and whilst I know in my heart he knew that I really did love him, I will never stop regretting that I didn’t just make it easier on us both.
***
I know deep down that my mistrust and disdain for personal relationships, romantic or otherwise, is borne of a fear that I don’t truly believe my own needs are worthwhile or even real. I find myself doing it with friendships, I get close to someone and in my head I start finding fault with them, and I have to stop and ask myself: has this person really done anything that bad, or am I looking for excuses to just not like them? And why am I doing that? Is it because yet again I pride my solitude over anything else in the world? Because my inner monologue is always going crazy with thoughts such as: you don’t actually need anybody, where has needing anybody ever got you before? You’ve got to protect yourself, nobody else will do it for you. Keep some of yourself to yourself, it’s unwise to share who you are with anyone. If you get too involved you will end up disappointed. And, whilst we’re on it, why is this person demanding all my time and energy? What’s wrong with them? What’s their game? I don’t love me, so why do they? What do they want from me?
And I know it’s because I was over-controlled and under-loved as a child, teenager, into adulthood, by my mother. She didn’t like me having friends or partners, would chide me for spending time with anyone but her, and whenever I loved anyone else (such as my father), she would go to great lengths to try and blacken that person’s name to me with lies and accusations, try to give me reasons that this person was in fact perverse, hateful, not to be trusted. I carried that into my adulthood, I let it control everything about me. It made me extremely suspicious of any intimacy and closeness and, just like my relationship to empathy, there is a large part of me that will always believe the expression of interpersonal love is some kind of scam designed to catch idiots like me out, and I must always be on my guard. For years I had a folder on my phone full of incriminating screenshots of conversations I’d had with those close to me, people I actually loved, because I never knew when I would need to hit back against them. I needed to have evidence that anyone who loved me was as my mother told me they were -- perverse, hateful, not to be trusted. I deleted that folder when I began therapy, and when I resume therapy again very soon, I have a new goal:
I need to learn how to love people and let them love me. No pretending this time, no mask. Teach me how to actually do it. Because I cannot keep hurting the people I love just for loving me, or worse, because I love them. There is no goodness or acceptability to lashing out at those who love you, it’s abusive. It’s completely wrong. There’s no excuse good enough. But now I know why I do it, and I can go fuck myself if I think I’m passing this onto my children. I would never push them away or treat them as my mother did, but they still cannot learn from my example.
So, there it is. My dismissive/avoidant attachment style, and how it looks, and what it’s done. I hope this helps anyone with this attachment style understand themselves, and anyone who loves anyone with this attachment style to understand them -- not so you can put up with it, but so that you can just leave if you need to. After all, if someone is pushing and pushing for you to go, then we should not be surprised when you go. It’s what we’re aiming for.
#actually aspd#antisocial personality disorder#actually antisocial#antisocial tag#aspd tag#cluster b#attachment#psychology#therapy#abuse#neglect#trauma
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Movie Star
Pairing: BFF! Tom Holland x Reader
Warnings: Angst, SO MUCH ANGST, swearing, Tom being an asshole, there’s a mention of an injury...
Summary: Tom is your best friend, but fame can change a lot of things.
Word Count: 2,609 (Probably the longest one piece I’ve done)
A/N: So! This is an entry for @unholyhaz and @spidey-waffles11 #marvellouswafflescelebration writing challenge. I am actually quite proud of this baby and how freaking painful it is. I was having a hard time with the prompt because I kept wanting to write it the same way it happened in the movie, so yeah, I’m very happy with this. Enjoy! (Please if you do like it, reblog it so it can be read by more and more people).
Part two
(This pic doesn’t belong to me, I took it off google, but I did edit it a little)
You never thought your friendship with Tom would end up like this. Ruined. Potentially forever, and the worst part is that you can’t even be mad about it. He’s been dreaming about becoming big in the movie industry since you were like 7 and dancing ballet at the studio everyday, so him getting big should be something to be happy about, right?
Only it isn’t. And not because he’s always busy and barely even texts back, not even because he never has time to hang out anymore, nor is it because he seems to always be in the other side of the world either filming another damn Marvel movie or any other movie, or promoting his work. No, all of those reasons were not enough to wreck your friendship. What finally did it was the fact that he became so full of himself that you couldn’t stand hearing him talking when you did get to see him. He’s kind of an asshole now.
So you snapped. You were out in a pub with him, Harrison, the twins and a couple of your friends, Tom was telling you about how unacceptable it was that his manager tried to get him, to spend a night in LA in a 4 star hotel instead of a 5 star or a damn Airbnb apartment, how he was tired of this neglecting behaviour from a person that eats from the 5% of his paycheck, and you lost it.
You may be bestfriends with this guy, but you definetely didn’t have the same economical status, and you have to work a normal job like everybody else, you don’t get 5 star hotels ever, for gods sake you don’t even get to travel that often, the only time you’ve been out of the country was when Tom took you to Atlanta to do some reshoots back when the first Spider-Man happened, so you made well sure to tell him he was behaving like a brat, posh and whiny rich kid. And he didn’t like it, so he called you a jealous uptight bitch that’s bitter because an ankle injury killed off her career, which was a low blow. So you stormed out of the place.
It was a pretty public scene and there were a few videos from different angles of nearby tables at the pub and a few pictures of both of you screaming at each other, and of you getting out of the place while fuming, and of Tom getting his car a driving off while visibly pissed. It’s been the story of the moment (at least in your life). All your social media was full of Tom’s fans calling you a fake friend, a bitch, a brat, whore, slut… some even sent death threats, which was a bit disturbing, but not surprising.
Of course Tom wasn’t helping at all either, he stopped following you, but didn’t block you so you could see him liking all the rude messages directed to you, and he was being very very vocal about the importance of having real friends and how loyalty is a very important thing and how he had to learn that the hard way very recently. So yeah, like a whiny rich boy.
You were scrolling down instagram, trying to focus on something else, but the notifications were still blowing with comments and tags on rude posts, so decided enough was enough and you started an Instagram Live, not even 1 minute in and you already had a handful of people watching and commenting snake emojis and very strong language words, but you ignored it as you started talking.
“Hello everyone, thanks for all the lovely wishes, I apreciate them a lot, you don’t wanna know. So, I’m here because, since I don’t go around doing interviews for a job, I have to find an outlet to let out my side of the story, because all stories have more than one side and one shouldn’t decide on a side unless you’ve heard all sides of it- the story, I mean.
Tom and I became best friends since day one of us meeting, that was 16 years ago, we were always inseparable and I always knew I had someone to rely on and he had someone to rely on in me. Pretty strong bond. I always knew he wanted to be an actor, the best actor he could be, and I always knew he would make it, because he’s always been so incredibly talented and dedicated and he was very determined, so when he finally got his big chance being casted as Spider-Man I was the first one to celebrate him. As his fame and recognition started growing, he started hanging out with a lot more celebrities and he started picking up on personality traits that aren’t that cool, but at the beggining it was so minimal that I’d just ignore it.
By the time he was filming Far from Home, I think, he was a full on movie star. Every place we’d go, a few cameras would follow and fans would show up, and he loved putting on a show for everyone, to the point where he’d ignore anyone that’s with him. But that’s no the worst part. I can forgive him for having an ego, we all have one, some are bigger than others and that’s cool, but what’s not cool is being condescending to the people who work with or for you. I dont’t believe in people from first or second class, for me everyone is equal and everyone’s work is just as dignified and worthy as anyone else’s, that’s why I finally lost my respect for Tom, because he started treating people that don’t have the same level of privilege as him like they’re less than him. That’s not the way we were raised, those are not the values that my best friend has and I know it’s all because of all the media attention he has.
You all give everything to him in a silver platter, so he now became a bratty movie star, another self centered celebrity that feels entitled. So congratulations. You have created a celebrity, but you have wrecked a human being inside. And I don’t feel like I deserved to be attacked this way for not wanting to put up with being belittled and treated like a peasant. Thanks.”
You finished the live and you broke crying, of course. It hurts to know that your best friend is no longer, that you’re never gonna have all those amazing midnight adventures. Like when you escaped from your houses at 15 to go to that crazy party all the school was attending but your mothers wouldn’t let you go. You remember how you got drunk after just one or two beers and ended up walking and giggling back home at 3am. You were in so much trouble the next day.
Or when he got casted as Peter Parker and you were so happy that you spent the whole night laying in his bed talking about all the hard work you both had done to make your dreams come true. That night he told you how he was proud of you for working so hard on your dancing career and how you were his favourite dancer ever. And you told him that you always knew he’d make it. You promised each other to always be there for the other.
He was the first to arrive to the hospital when you had the accident onstage that ended your career, he held you on those long nights when you’d cry and cry, he was there when you were angry at the world for not letting you have your dream. He helped through everything and never left your side until you were back on your feet and you had a new plan for your life.
He’s not here now though. He’s the one holding the gun on your back and you were the one that threw the first punch. You feel guilty. You ruined everything. You should’ve told him that he shouldn’t behave that way. Of all people, it should’ve been you holding his feet on the ground, and now it all went to shit because of you. It’s all your fault and maybe you do deserve the furious fans and the creepy reporters jumping on you every now and then, and maybe you deserve all those messages because maybe you were a fake friend.
You really don’t have the evergy to get out of bed for the days that followed. It could’ve been just two days, or a week, maybe even months for all you knew; but you stayed in bed, you would cry, eat and sleep and nothing more. Your phone was in some unknown place of your house, you hadn’t even attempted to find it and maybe it ran out of battery long ago, but who cares? definetely not you. You were walking around in your pajamas, looking for ice cream in your freezer or maybe some chocolate bars, or chips… or whatever came to view first, but you were interrupted by the ring of your doorbell and then a knock on your door, you thought about ignoring it, but then they knocked again so you brought yourself to the door and opened it.
You froze when you saw Tom on the other side of your door, looking probably just as destroyed as you do, red puffy eyes, messy hair, he was wearing sweatpants and an old shirt, an unusual look since now he’s always trying to look his absolute best. This guy in front of you resembled your best friend since childhood more than any of the high fashion versions of Tom, but it still ached in your heart that he was in this state in your front door unannounced.
“Tom… w-what are you doing h-here?”
“I uh… read a rumor and I needed to see it wasn’t true.”
“What?” You suddenly feel your blood boiling. The only reason he came was because of some rumor he read, he doesn’t regret anything, he doesn’t miss you, he just wants to see if some stupid rumor is true. You go to close the door in his face but he pushes the door.
“You wanna know what it was? Y/N listen to me, please!” You try to push harder, but he’s way stronger than you are so you give in and let him in, but the frown never leaves your face and you cross your arms over your chest.
“I’m listening.” You really don’t want to get your guard down, but the way Tom is looking at you right now makes it really hard. He looks at you the way one looks at a youth treasure you found after years of longing. The way you look at a flower that grows against all odds in the middle of a desserted field. And it’s making you feel very aware of him. You notice how the bags under his eyes are deeper than ever, his skin doesn’t look as flawless and polished as it did the last time you saw him, you can even see some spots around his forehead, you notice how he’s still unable to tame that eyebrow and how they also look a little unplucked, you can also see the tarce of a beard, the kind that tells you that maybe he didn’t shave this morning and even the day before that, and his hair is not only messier but it’s also longer. And it’s grounding to see him look so human, vulnerable and real right in front of you.
“There were some rumors going around that you might’ve… that you maybe… y-you had..” For some reason he was unable to look you in the eye, and every time he tried to speak he’d take a small step closer to you. “That you maybe had… comitted… suicide…”
You froze where you stood, and maybe your jaw fell slack, and maybe you even stopped breathing, where the fuck did he read that? What the actual fuck are people saying? your blood started boiling with rage, not even at Tom anymore, but at the world, why does everyone suddenly feel entitled to say those terrible things and why? Because you haven’t been on social media in a long time? People seriously need to understand that other people exist outside the internet and the have lives outside social media.
“I seriously hate people. Well… here I am, alive and well, is that everything?” you ask as you raise a brow, expecting him to say something else, but he looks at you taken a back, he’s at a loss of words because he was expecting this to fix things.
“Umh… yeah?”
“Okay then, I’ll walk you to the door.” You say flatly and start making your way back to your front door.
“Y/N wait… I do need to say something else” He grabs you by the wrist and turns you around, you end up mere inches away from him, his hand still holding you. His gaze roams all over your face, he looks down at your lips while licking his, but then he looks up to your eyes. “I’m sorry. About everything. I was a dick, and maybe I am an idiot for realizing I don’t want to lose you until I read those terrible things and it hurt as hell to even imagine a world without you in it. I don’t want to live the rest of my life without your surprise texts when I’m away filming, or your weird gif replies, or our film nights and crazy getaways. You’re the best friend that I have. And I love you, Y/N. I really, really do, and I’m sorry it took me so long to admit that to you.” If this had happened a few months ago, you would have kissed him already. You loved him for such a long time, it almost hurt you, you had all those feelings for him stored inside you and at times it felt like they couldn’t fit anymore and you’d just explode, but that changed. You changed. And so did he.
“I accept your apology, Tom.” you took a long pause before speaking again, and you could see in Tom’s eyes that it was killing him to wait, every second feeling longer than the previous, until you spoke again. “But it’s gonna take a lot more than that to fix our friendship. I’m sorry I don’t share your feelings, but I received death threats over twitter, so many hate comments coming to me everyday… and you were liking them, encouraging people to keep attacking me! You expect me to just forget about that and act like it never happened? And you expect me to just throw myself at your arms and live happily ever after? It really doesn’t work like that, Tom. You have to go now.” He stayed looking at you for a moment, and you could see the heartbreak in his eyes, but your own heart was breaking aswell. Maybe you could fix this, but it would take more than this, and right now you could not see him in your apartment.
“Please leave Tom” Your voice was just a pleading whisper at this point, but Tom did let go of your wrist and you sighed when you felt the cold breeze hit the skin where his hand had been. He walked past you and opened the door, taking one last look at you as one single tear fell from your eyes. And the door closed.
---
Tagging a few people that might be interested so it doesn’t flop :)
@caeruleum-in-caritate-lupus, @softstarkk, @peterparkerbabyy, @dottirose, @legit-fandom-trash, @carostar2020, @appreciating-chase-brody, @mvmakki @madmadmilk @hollandrecs @starksparker @sunshinehollandd
#marvellouswafflescelebration#my writing#tom holland#tom holland imagine#tom holland oneshot#tom holland blurb#tom holland fanfiction#tom holland smut#tom holland angst#tom#holland#peter parker#peterparker#peter parker imagine#peter parker oneshot#peter parker blurb#peter parker fanfiction#peter parker smut#peter parker angst#peter#parker#spider-man#spiderman#spider man#Spiderman far from home spoilers#spider-man: homecoming#spider-man far from home#spidey#spideychelle#marvel
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Ultrasound
This is another angsty thing on Alicia, this time from the caretaker - Katie’s - PoV.
It’s fairly long - 1500 words, and it’s actually canon. Also, you will meet someone new to hate, who might actually be Jason’s fundamental opposite.
Cw for mentions of past sexual assault and for heartless medical professionals (let me know if I forgot something)
***
Katie hated her shifts in the experimental labs with a passion. Her assumed identity, however, did the contrary. Officially, she was here for her doctoral thesis on the effects of magic on human physiology, and nothing was as important for science as the work that was done here. Thus, she was looking through the security glass wall with a fake smile on her lips, while on the other side Alicia fought to hold up an energy shield against a steady rain of rubber bullets. She was doing a good job, but Katie vividly remembered the cries of pain from moments when the mages were too weak to hold up the shield. They need to be motivated, her boss had explained. Otherwise those yellow pigheads never try their best. Katie almost shuddered when she recalled that conversation.
"Gotta check on inmate Rivera." Her superior tipped on one of the screens with her too long fingernails. "Her pulse is running wild again. Should be stable at that level. Did someone get me these tests I ordered?"
A shy voice spoke up behind them. One of the other PhD students, Fern. "I ran the blood test, doctor, but I need to double check, it seems highly unlikely and..."
Doctor Rosewood spun around in alarm. "What does seem unlikely?"
Fern scrambled for some papers. "I... Well... The hormone test..." She took a deep breath before she looked up again. "It seems, inmate Rivera is pregnant."
"What?", Katie whispered tonelessly, but her voice was drowned by her boss.
"Abort the experiment, right now", Rosewood yelled, before she hit the speak button at her microphone. "Inmate Rivera, report back immediately."
Alicia released the shield, the needles of the instruments around Katie dropping when Alicia's magic dispersed. She frowned in their general direction, unable to see through the glass.
"Shit, we need to be careful with the suppressants", Rosewood mumbled. "Can't endanger the embryo. Fern, give her a dose of the Carantomin, should do for now. And Kate, get the ultrasound equipment ready."
Katie steadied herself against the table, supressing the violent shivers that raced through her. Alicia. Pregnant. The girl she was here to protect, and had failed to, too often. For the greater good, she told herself. She couldn't get Alicia out of Ainsville, if she openly went against Reynolds. But this? This was too much. Too much for Alicia, but also for herself. She forced herself up, to walk over to the ultrasound machine and get it ready. Maybe it just wasn't true. Maybe there was a mistake.
But somewhere inside, she knew it had to be true. She just had caught a glimpse of what Alicia went through, but it all fit together smoothly.
From the corner of her eye, she saw one of the guards by the door talk to someone outside. "Get Reynolds here", he hissed. "Quickly."
She felt sick to the bone. Of course. She wasn't the only one who knew. But most likely, the only one who cared.
"Hadn't thought Rivera was one to be sleeping around", Rosewood said, while looking towards the training grounds expectantly. "She seems rather reserved. But I guess we'll find out." Her voice was almost excited. "Dear God, I hope it was another mage. But honestly, this is gold either way."
***
Alicia was calm, while she was being led in by Fern, hands restrained, legs shaky from her injection. She always seemed to be calm, even right before her anger broke through and she'd attack someone. But right now, there wasn't anger simmering underneath. It was fear, what Katie saw in her eyes, when her gaze flicked from the euphoric Rosewood to the ultrasound device that Katie had set up.
"What is it?", she asked carefully.
"Just some routine test", Rosewood replied, voice quivering in hopeful anticipation. She nodded to the guards. "Help the inmate out of that overall, please, and then fix her to the stretcher."
Alicia's back snapped straight and she stepped back. "Why... Why would I need to undress?"
"You're not in a position to be coy, Rivera. We're medical professionals. And for the examination, that thing needs to go off." Rosewood waved at the guards. "Do it."
Katie forced herself to look elsewhere. Her fingers trembled when she typed Alicia's name into the machine, but at least it gave her something to do, while Alicia was stripped to her underwear.
She only looked up when she heard her boss whistle. "These do look like some marks of passion there, inmate. Who's the lucky guy?"
Katie almost flinched when she saw what Rosewood referred to. Alicia's collarbones and chest were bruised and covered with bite sized marks, her upper arms held dark bruises from hands gripping too tight, and there was a scaring cut wound on her arm.
Alicia stared at the ceiling, mouth clenched shut, tears forming in her eyes.
"Those aren't marks of passion", Katie said sharply. "Those are marks of a crime. She was assaulted."
Rosewood turned back to her incredulously. "Kate? How dare you. Ainsville is a respectable place. There's mechanisms installed to prevent such incidents."
"There's mechanisms installed to prevent inmates engaging with each other as well, and what do you think now, would it be easier for some lovestruck inmates to circumvent these measures, or some malevolent authority fig-"
"What's going on here?"
Katie recognized his voice instantly, but had she not, it would've been obvious by the way Alicia's whole body seemed to tense and then slump in defeat.
Commander Reynolds.
She turned back to him, not even trying to fake politeness. It wouldn't have been necessary anyway. His eyes were focused solely on Alicia.
He seemed to have been interrupted in training, dressed just in dark sports shorts and T-shirt, blond hair an unkempt mess. His authority didn't require a uniform.
"Is there anything I should know?"
Reynolds stepped in and pointed at Alicia's bruises. "What happened to this inmate? I doubt your rubber bullets have that effect, or do they?" He placed a hand on her shoulder, a gesture that could've seemed caring, hadn't Alicia flinched violently at his touch. Her jaw was clenched shut. "It seems she doesn't want to talk, hm?"
Rosewood had blanched as well at his sudden appearance, but quickly regained her composure. "We're not sure yet, Commander. We're just examining her. We assume she might have had sexual encounters lately. Her blood test indicates she might be pregnant."
Alicia gasped, a tiny noise full of terror and despair, that made all eyes in the room settle on her. Her free hand shot up and clasped around Reynolds' arm as if calling for help. "No", she whispered. "No. Please, no."
"We'll find out", Rosewood snapped. "Lay down, inmate."
She waved at Katie impatiently. Katie stared from the device in her hand to Alicia, trembling and silently crying, eyes turned away, still clutching the hand of the monster responsible for all this.
"No", Katie whispered and stepped back. "No, I can't."
"It's alright." Fern's voice was soft but firm. "I trained with a gynecologist. Let me." She took the device from Katie's hands, and approached Alicia. "I will need to take off your underpants, inmate Rivera. May I?"
Alicia sobbed, but she nodded once, quickly, without even looking at her. It hurt to see. The consent of someone who had learned her consent wouldn't mean a thing to those acting around her anyway.
"Good. Now bend your legs, please." Fern spoke in a soothing voice, while working carefully and efficiently. Katie had never seen her like this. To be honest, she had never seen anyone of the people assembled in this room like this. Fern cool and professional, Rosewood childishly excited and impatient, Alicia passive and fearful. And Reynolds in his sports clothes, out of words for once, seemingly terrified, his hand on Alicia's shoulder reassuring himself as well.
Everyone but Alicia stared at the little black and white monitor, only half of them aware what they were searching for.
"There it is", Fern said finally, pointing at the screen. "Indeed. You're carrying a child, Miss Rivera."
Alicia made a tiny wailing sound, choked when she pressed her arm on her mouth. Still, her body was rocked by silent sobs.
"Amazing", Rosewood whispered. "A pregnant mage. Here in Ainsville."
"This is unacceptable", Reynolds said sharply. "All of this is."
Fuck you, Katie thought. Lying bastard. This is your doing, all of this.
"We need to know who fathered the child", Rosewood said thoughtfully, still lost in her own world.
"First, we need to know how we deal with this situation." Reynolds’ grip around Alicia's shoulder had fastened. Surely his hands matched the bruises on her body perfectly, Katie thought bitterly. "I will talk to the inmate. She might open up more easily in private."
"Shouldn't it be-" Fern started, but one glare from Reynolds silenced her.
"This is a precarious situation. We shouldn't act on impulse here. Right, Miss Wang?"
Katie flinched at hearing her name. "Of course", she mumbled.
"We could endanger more than it seems at first sight", he continued, and Katie wondered if she was the only one hearing the icy threat lining his words. "So, would you please leave us for a moment?" He nodded at Rosewood who was staring at the ultrasound photographs in silent anticipation. "This goes for you as well, Margaret."
#this is quite hard to tag#angst#i guess#emotional whump#tw assault#captivity#experiment#lady whump#female whump#unwanted pregnancy#fear#my writing#alicia#katie#jason#fern#rosewood
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A Post I should Have Made A Long Time Ago
Hello Spine and anyone who may be reading this at the moment. My name is Jerry, but most people know me as Gallowsfall. I am also well known - regrettably - for who I used to be: Burzgrim Blacksnarl/Gulghash back when I was associated with a group of habitual trolls/nazi shitlords in two guilds ran by the ringleader, Grom/Obombration/Scorching/Mooncakes/whatever he goes by now - and YES we are two completely different people. These guilds were called <Demagogue> and <Clergy of the Great One>, they were a small group of nationalists/fascists/trolls that enjoyed causing great amounts of harm and turmoil in the WoW RP community. I fully accept and HATE who I was at this time and all the fucking AWFUL things I did to so many people that I’ll never really remember or be able to properly apologize to or make it right again. Some of you I have met, we have reconciled and moved on. Some of you that I have met did not find comfort or reconciliation in confronting me or hearing my apologies - often because of the fact I can’t remember anything from those times beyond vague outlines of things I did but never to WHO and I’m sincerely sorry I cannot remember you to properly personalize a heartfelt apology to you beyond what I will say in this most likely very long post.
I am sorry, from the deepest reaches of my heart, I am so fucking sorry. I now know the fullest extent of the horrible grief and fear I cultivated in all of you during those two to two and a half years I was lost and letting shitty people shepherd me down the entirely wrong path. I AM NOT TRYING TO EXCUSE MY BEHAVIOR OR SAY I DID NOTHING WRONG. I fucked up on a level no one should ever, EVER go to and every day since I’ve truly found myself I have HATED myself for it, I have PUNISHED myself for it. I have fucking WEPT in frustration and shame on a regular basis for having taken so long to figure out what I was doing to people and what I was doing to MYSELF. If I could go back and change everything and never have become that person, never had let that horrible fucking person manipulate me into thinking he and his cronies actually gave a shit about me - I would in an instant. I would give anything, even my own LIFE to try and take all of that hurt that I sowed into the world back… but I can’t. No one can. I can do everything in my power to try and put positivity and good vibes out into the world to try and make up for what I’ve done, but it doesn’t change and it doesn’t excuse and it doesn’t remove what I’ve done. I never expected it to, I have never expected to just magically be accepted by the entire community with open arms. The only thing I ever asked for was just a CHANCE. I wanted a chance to just let me be a part of the community again and prove I’d changed and to never stop trying to improve myself and help the community I once actively destroyed. But that was inherently wrong of me to want/think as well - not everyone is comfortable or willing to give me that chance and that is FINE, I accept that. My mother always told me, “Not everyone is going to like you, and that’s okay.” You have a right to feel angry, and I am sorry that I was the one who put that seed of anger, of hate into your heart from my abuse. I am sorry, I can never properly put into writing how sorry I truly am - but I hope this can at least give some kind of inkling of how sorry I truly am.
But that’s not all I have to say here, and some of you will probably roll your eyes at what’s to come and sneer… but it needs to be said, and not just for me but anyone who’s been in my shoes and HAS GENUINELY MADE AN EFFORT TO BE A BETTER PERSON. If they have just made a half-assed apology post on twitter or here on spine, then continued the very next second to spew bullshit and hurt people - don’t you DARE try to have the audacity to compare them (or yourself if you the reader are one of these kinds of people) to me or others like me who are desperately trying to atone for the sins they’ve committed against their fellow human beings - not even just as roleplayers - to move past the oppressive shadows of their past. It can never go away, of course - it’ll always nip at my heels now and then... but I’d rather it be that than a darkened storm hanging over my head 24/7 until the day I die.
It’s why I’m also here to make this statement that will no doubt incite more rage at me, but you know what? I’ll gladly take that abuse because I will stand up for others when others are too afraid to do so for fear of witch-hunts. It is absolutely toxic and abusive behavior to single out people anywhere and everywhere they go refusing to let them live down things they don’t do anymore - if they’re still doing bad things then only bring up those things that they are STILL DOING. It is absolutely toxic and abusive behavior to punish FREELANCE ARTISTS who are just trying to make ends meet for taking commissions from people who are “problematic”. If you do this kind of thing, YOU are in fact a piece of shit, and are effectively punishing an innocent person - taking away their LIVELIHOOD/INCOME in order to push your own subjectivity. This is absolutely unacceptable, and everyone should unanimously agree with this, no matter if it’s me saying it or some random person who isn’t taboo!
I have lost friends, I have lost access to fantastic artists I LOVED to support with what little money I can come by due to this abhorrent practice and I gotta say it’s extremely fucking disgusting - especially when you consider that this behavior comes from people who CLAIM to support each other and support the working class/freelancers. Congratulations what you did is called censorship, and that’s a tool of the communist and nazi parties! THE MORE YOU KNOW~*
Another thing I want to address is the very real fact that there ARE groups of very popular RPers/Artists who seem to be the unspoken kingpins of this community and if they decide one day that you’re no longer useful to them/become a liability for them to associate with - they will offer you up as the latest scapegoat for them to rile up the masses and send them after you with torches and pitchforks… ESPECIALLY if you so much as DARE to call THEM out for their own shitty behavior or business practices.
Anyway, as no doubt many of our parents or parental figures have instructed us throughout our lives:
“TWO WRONGS DO NOT MAKE A RIGHT.”
“IF YOU HAVE NOTHING NICE TO SAY, DON’T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL.”
“ANYONE WHO WILL GOSSIP TO YOU, WILL GOSSIP ABOUT YOU.”
I am not trying to say “Oh, I am holier than thou! Truly I am but a poor victim!” No, I am just as guilty as anyone reading this of doing these things but every day I try to consciously remind myself more and more not to do them, that THEY DON'T HELP ANYONE - THEY MERELY CAUSE MORE PROBLEMS AND MORE PAIN.
In conclusion, I would like to make it abundantly clear that I am completely and utterly, emphatically, sorry for anything I have ever done to hurt anyone - whether intentionally or unintentionally due to my own traumas and mental disabilities. I don’t WANT to hurt people anymore, any time I learn I am hurting someone I immediately want to do nothing but hurt myself and hate myself. But I’m not looking for pity, I’m looking for some reconciliation and the right to be apart of this community even if it’s just so much as being able to play the game and not have people whisper hurtful shit to me or post inciteful and extremely upsetting things about me on anonymous pages or even right out in the open.
I AM NOT A NAZI. I AM NOT A RACIST. I AM NOT A HOMOPHOBE. I AM NOT A TRANSPHOBE. I AM NOT A BIGOT OF ANY KIND.
I am just one broken and maladjusted man trying to make things right and move on with his life - to try and heal, but I can’t do that with people lying about me or just constantly bringing up my past to me and everyone around me, this is only re-traumatizing me and anyone else that past involves. You’re not helping anything or anyone, you’re just making more problems and hurting more people and the cycle begins again. I shouldn't have to say this, some probably won't care or believe it but: While I was with those groups, I was constantly called a "Sp*rg" or "R****ded" I was ridiculed and bullied for liking anime or furry shit. These people ruthlessly bullied me and tore me down and apart everyday to maintain their influence over me. Some of you might say, "Why did you even stick around, why didn't you leave?" I was trapped, by own fear of being alone and my great flaw of needing/desiring validation from someone anyone - even if it was these shitty fucking people.
Anyway, thank you for your time if you have bothered to even read this entire thing, I know some won't and that's okay. To those who do, whatever your opinion may be of me afterwards is completely and totally valid and fair - whether it be negative, positive, or indifferent.
-Gallows
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Medea’s Top 10 Worst Fathers in Anime
#clannad#pokemon#Dragon Ball Z#rin-ne#kyoukai no rinne#assassination classroom#berserk#neon genesis evangelion#food wars#shokugeki no soma#ranma 1/2#pupa#Full Metal Alchemist#Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood#michiko and hatchin#Mirai nikki#the future diary#boruto#fairy tail#Steins;Gate
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